The Man with Two Brains (1983)
Kathleen Turner: Dolores Benedict
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : [Dr. Hfuhruhurr has driven them to his house, where Ramon and the housekeeper are on the porch, smiling happily to welcome the bride] There it is, darling. Your new home. The House of Hfuhruhurr.
Dolores : What are those assholes doing on the porch?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Those aren't assholes. It's pronounced *azaleas*.
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Dolores : The Complete Poems of John Lillison, England's greatest one-armed poet.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : He wrote 'In Dillman's Grove' and 'Pointy Birds.' O pointy birds, o pointy pointy, anoint my head, anointy-nointy.
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Dolores : By the way, I fired Ramon yesterday.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Ramon? Ramon is such a fine man. What did he do?
Dolores : He came up behind me and he grabbed my breasts.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : What? I haven't even done that yet.
Dolores : I know. I told him that.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : You told him?
Dolores : He said he had to measure me for a new dashboard ornament.
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Dolores : Ouch! My balls!
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Gladstone : I wanted to inform the Doctor of her passing.
Dolores Benedict : Passing what?
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Dolores : I can't wait till next Thursday.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Today is Monday.
Dolores : I know, but my headache should be gone by then.
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Dolores : I know there's something weird going on with you and that brain!
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : [defensively] It's not weird!
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Dolores Benedict : Michael, were you out on the lake today, kissing your brain?"
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Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Dolores, I am making a citizen's divorce.
Dolores : [laughing] What?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : By the powers vested in me, I hereby declare our marriage null and void! E pluribus unum!
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Dolores Benedict : I get so excited when you get angry. It makes me feel so much closer to the reading of the will.
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Dolores Benedict : If you lay one finger on me, I'll kill you.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.
Dolores Benedict : Nobody's going to keep me from working in this town.
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Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : What's going on?
Dolores : Don't interfere. He's paying me $15,000 just to touch my behind.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : You, get out of here!
[client leaves]
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : This is the kind of thing that could ruin our marriage.
Dolores : Why? Because you don't want me to work and earn my own money? Have my own career?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : You call this a career?
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Dolores Benedict : I'll get you for this, you nigger kike wop.
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Dolores : Is snookums having a massive heart attack? What a shame. With me so young and hot!
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Dolores : [referring to her negligee] This fits very snug. And you may have some trouble getting it off me. You may have to tear it off my body.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : I can tear. I like tearing.
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Dolores : There's just something about him that makes me quiver. Is he here often?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Just one day a week.
Dolores : What day?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Tuesday.
Dolores : Is he ever alone? I mean, does Ramon ever go off and leave him here alone?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Sometimes. Why?
Dolores : I'd like to know. Please, tell Ramon to warn me when he's going to leave me alone with that Juan person.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : All right, if that'll make you feel better.
Dolores : That'll make me feel much better.
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Dolores : Disgusting! Brains are so ugly.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : No, it's beautiful.
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Dolores : I want to be everything to you Rebecca was. I want to give you everything she gave you. Do everything she did.
[sticks Hfuhruhurr's index finger in her mouth]
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : When can you start?
Dolores : [with Hfuhruhurr's index finger in her mouth] How soon can you get home?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Well, I have two operations. But I can do them fast, they're just brain operations.
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Dolores : I'm evil.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : You're not evil, you're sick.
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Dolores : You divorced me.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : I'm making a citizen's annulment: Ipso facto, coitus interruptus.
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Dolores : Michael, please. I wanna make it up to you.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : When? Thursday?
Dolores : How about Monday?
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Next Monday?
Dolores : Today Monday.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Later today?
Dolores : Now.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Right now or later now?
Dolores : "Now" now.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Wow, wow.