We here at GameSpy Technology take two things very seriously: our love for making video games better and our love for beer. As the first official, reigning, elected, and appointed Beer Czar of GameSpy Technology, I will restrict this post to the topic of beer.

Now beer around the office is often viewed as a dangerous proposition, but we here at GameSpy Tech have embraced its many uses. Nothing says birthday celebrations like beer. LAN Parties? Well, of course. Working Late? No fear, we have you covered (in beer). But the true measure of any elected or appointed official is how well he raises the bar. Consider the bar raised (and razed). Follow me, as I explain the merits of pursuing of the “Ballmer Peak” and testify to the credible science behind long lunches, the before-noon beer, and the alcohol frenzy of late-night deadlines.

The Ballmer Peak: A Visualization:

For those unfamiliar with what The Ballmer Peak is, it is defined by Urban Dictionary as, “The theory that computer programmers obtain quasi-magical, superhuman coding ability when they have a blood alcohol concentration percentage between 0.129% and 0.138%.”

Not sure if you read that correctly? Again, in my, “Too many beers, outside voice,” it says “quasi-magical” and “superhuman“. Do I have your attention now?

If you’re a programmer, you may already be familiar with The Ballmer Peak. If you were unaware, let this post bring you into the light, my friend. This quest for “The Peak” is an honored pursuit here at GameSpy Technology and we exploit its many advantages, but that is not to say it isn’t a slippery slope. As an engineer writing for engineers, I will break down the purpose of our exercise and the adventure that lies before us.

The quest for The Peak can lead one down a slippery slope.

As this blog progresses we will be taking into consideration a variety of beers and some key factors in our pursuit of The Ballmer Peak. These factors include, but are not limited to, the number of beers required to get to the peak, time that it took to reach the peak, time maintained at the peak, the effectiveness of each beer in climbing that peak and, of course, the danger factor of surpassing the peak.

Disclaimer: I Have A Weak Spot for IPAs (A Very Dangerous Beer)

For example, I personally have discovered, to both my joy and sorrow, that IPAs have a fairly high alcohol content. I can also personally confirm that IPAs are a tricky gondola up this particular mountain: the IPA’s potency has the ability to catapult one to the wrong side of the peak, often with a bad landing. Frequently, one sails right past the peak of productivity and lands square on his or her “wrong side.”

The wrong side of the peak is immediately detectable. There is more game playing and more talk-talking. Philosophical questions such as, “Why as humans, do we work so hard?” often present themselves — followed by the inevitable, “I will be on the couch if you need me.” This is not productive and not what one should be striving toward in pursuit of maintaining The Ballmer Peak. However, it is a risk necessary for our field of endeavor. There is no shame in reaching for greatness, even if it is from the red couch.

I'll be on the couch

It is important to note that one must perform a variety of tests with a given beer since many outside factors may interfere with one’s research. You may just be super-geeked about a project, or working on a team that is just gellin’. Your sample size for work-accomplished under the influence of a particular beer should span a variety of projects. If nothing else, it should include something you are excited about, as well as something  mundane. A review of the work, and its quality, will need to be made either the day after, or by a non-“peaking” member of your team.

The First Test

As I have introduced myself and our mission, it is time to get to our first test subject: Bootlegger’s Brewery’s Black Phoenix.

By the numbers:

• Required numbers to reach The Peak: high  6
• Time to reach The Peak : 2 hours
• Time spent at The Peak : 3 hours
• Effectiveness of each beer in climbing The Peak : light, 3 out of 10
• Danger factor : light, 2 out of 10

Our first test subject

There was one small snag in this research: the sample size was too small. It only came in a 5-gallon keg. This wee sampling did not even last a week at the office. Consequently, we only tested a single sample. But aside from that, this beer was awesome. It kept me at the computer until 2 AM. It was tasty and easy to drink. It began as a smoky malt flavor with a coffee undertone and finished with a hint of pepper. Its effects were slow coming. The slow effects were great, because they kept the danger factor to nice low number … I would say a 2. You could go back to the keg with confidence, knowing that you were going to continue coding effectively.

I am not positive that I buy the alcohol content of 6.7 for this beer. With the amount I drank in my initial test, I should have been in full lampshade mode around midnight. However, that was not the case. It was a perfect night of coding. And herein lies the problem: I am uncertain if this perfection was driven by the project at hand or whether the beer had an effect. What this means is that more tests are needed. I’m in! Are you?