Oh God! I wish I could communicate how bad this film is - but just having watched this film I somehow seem to have lost the use of the English language and the will to live.

No matter how bad a movie is (and I have watched a LOT of bad movies recently) there is always some redeeming feature: a horrendously ill-written line, an idea that falls flat on its face, a moment of unintentional humour - something. There's always a little something that lifts it for a moment and leaves you with a warm nugget of discovery - something to hold on to as the rest of the mindless drivel flickers past your eyeballs... this movie's only redeeming feature is that it is just 78 minutes long.

It is crap. Pure unmitigated, grade Z, unadulterated, high-fibre, total sh*t from the hopelessly confused start to the pathetically flat non-ending.

I wish I could vote it a zero. No! I wish I could vote it MINUS 10!

I want my 78 minutes back!