- Professor Screweyes: Hey Stubbs! Where do you think you're goin'? Get back here!
- Stubbs the Clown: Oh, I forgot to tell ya... I QUIT! I quit! Ha! I resign! Are you gettin' this completely in your ear? I am PROFOUNDLY outta here! And this ain't about money. I ain't even complaining about my dry cleaning bill. But hang around with elephants all day and try to keep YOUR clothes clean!
- [audience laughs]
- Stubbs the Clown: But that's not the point. The point is, I quit. Quittski! Over-and-outski! That's all she wrote! KEEP MY LAST CHECK, BUDDY!
- [hands each item to Screweyes as he mentions it]
- Stubbs the Clown: Here's my shoes, my nose, my horn, my buzzer, my fake arm, my bug-eye glasses, my backstage passes, my hat, my rabbit, HIS backstage passes, my fake fangs, a few birds, my pogo stick, my donkey ears, my extending tounge gag, my rubber chicken; Ya can't even get these anymore; my lucky whale tooth, and a giant clam that opens to reveal the American flag held by a mermaid and her normal brother, Richard!
- [audience laughing]
- Stubbs the Clown: SO LONG! Oh, and by the way, in case you're wondering why I'm talking and they're laughing, let me explain it to ya...
- Stubbs the Clown: [Screams] THAT'S! COMEDY!
- Professor Screweyes: Brother! Brother, wait! When I am all alone... when I have no one to scare, I get very frightened myself.
- Captain Neweyes: Heard your wish on my wish radio. "Let no bad happen." Very good. Couldn't agree more.
- Buster: Say, ain't you a dinosaur?
- Rex: Why, yes. From tooth to toe, I am.
- Buster: Then what the heck are you doin' playing golf?
- Rex: I'm smart, Buster. I'm a smart dinosaur. But... I wasn't always.
- Buster: You weren't?
- Rex: Noooo, no sirree. You know, I started off stupid and violent.
- Buster: You DID?
- Rex: This was a long time ago, you understand? A LONG time ago. I was a real terror then. I was a real animal. And I was hungry, ALL the time!
- Louie: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my new friend, Cecilia Nuthatch.
- Rex: The name's Rex. Nice to meet you.
- Cecilia: A pleasure Rex.
- [curtsies]
- Cecilia: Very nice to meet you.
- Dweeb: ...And I'm Dweeb! Hi!
- Cecilia: A pleasure, Dweeb.
- [curtsies]
- Cecilia: Very nice to meet you.
- Elsa: [chuckling] She's so well brought-up!
- Louie: Alright, break it up. Enough with the pleasantries...
- Dr. Bleeb: They're not here. I missed them again because of my endless, shameless lateness. No matter, we'll rendezvous. We'll rendezvous.
- [Louie and Cecilia are about to sign Prof. Screweyes' contract]
- Cecilia: Louie, I'm scared.
- Professor Screweyes: You are? Good.
- Professor Screweyes: [describing his Fright Radio] It picks up what people are scared to death of. You see, I find out what they're frightened of on this radio and that's what I try to give them with my circus. It's a public service, but this is the station that comes in the loudest of all.
- Dr. Bleeb: [Not noticing as Rex runs and steps over her, puts a poster over the Professor Screweyes Eccentric Circus poster] Dinosaur exhibit, the Museum of Natural History. You can't skimp on publicity.
- [Prof. Screweyes has just shown off his Fright Radio to the kids and the dinosaurs]
- Professor Screweyes: You see what they're most afraid of?
- Woog: No.
- Professor Screweyes: Monsters!
- Rex: Monsters?
- Professor Screweyes: You!
- Rex: Us?
- Dweeb: Us?
- Professor Screweyes: [holding out a jar of glowing pills] With a little help, yes.
- Cecilia: What's that?
- Professor Screweyes: It's Brain Drain, the remedy to my brother's goody-two-shoes breakfast cereal. It'll take you back. It'll make you monsters.
- Woog: But we don't want to be monsters.
- Rex: We're not taking anything. You can forget it.
- Professor Screweyes: All right, you're free. You can go. I can't stop you. But the kids... are mine.
- Professor Screweyes: [having just hypnotized Louie and Cecilia into submission] Among my many other rights under this contract, including copyrights on all their ideas, I've got an exclusive option... on their willpower.
- [Screweyes takes a tablet of his Brain Drain pill and snaps it in half]
- Professor Screweyes: Now, this is just a temporary dose: my way of demonstration...
- [the children slowly transform into primitive chimps, to the horror of the dinosaurs]
- Rex: Change them back! Or I'll...
- Professor Screweyes: Or you'll what? You're too enlightened by my brother's Brain Grain. You've lost your savagery. You've lost your frightening, prehistoric power to intimidate! You're civilized now and I've got a contract, and you're gonna respect that like the chumps that you are! But I'll tell you what I'd be willing to do: you all agree to take the Brain Drain, and I'll rip up this contract and set the kids free; if you don't take it, I'll bill them as the wild children of Hellzapoppin and use them to scare people in the sideshow! It's up to you!
- Rex: [sighs] I'll take it.
- Elsa: [angrily] And I'll take it, you loathsome creature!
- Dweeb: [voice breaking] I'll do it.
- Woog: [in tears] Me too.