Employee of the Month (2004)
Steve Zahn: Jack
Quotes
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Jack : [after hearing David was fired] Tell that fuckstick boss of yours to take tomorrow's work day and shove it up his dick!
David Walsh : I don't even know what that means.
Jack : He'll know what it means!
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Jack : The... the engagement party! How come you didn't invite me?
David Walsh : I didn't think you'd come.
Jack : I wouldn't have.
David Walsh : Then why are you here?
Jack : 'Cause you didn't invite me.
David Walsh : If I knew you're not going to come, why would I bother sending an invitation?
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Jack : Look, there's a reason why I'm your oldest friend in the world.
David Walsh : I can't seem to remember what it is right now.
Jack : I tell the truth.
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David Walsh : [about his fiancé] She loves me.
Jack : How much of her Kool-Aid did you drink?
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Jack : They don't deserve the steam off your piss!
David Walsh : Are you smoking crack?
Jack : No, not... not right now.
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[in the sauna]
Jack : You ever watch figure skating, man?
David Walsh : Please don't talk. I've got a lot on my mind.
Jack : I'm not into the sushi, but Michelle Kwan...
David Walsh : What are you doing? Can we just sit here and not talk? Can we do that? Let's just try and do that.
Jack : ...I'd suck sake out of her ass in front of my grandmother.
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David Walsh : Jack, you know Eric's gay.
Jack : Ya, he's here, he's queer, I'm used to it. I have no problems with queers.
Eric : Well, the community is going to be so thrilled to hear that, Jack.
Jack : I mean it! I mean, sucking dick, when chicks do it, I not only applaud, I want to watch it. I got, I got three-hour pornos with nothing but wall-to-wall ball to jaw. But when I think about chowing down on some other guys' wrinkled Mr. Lincoln...
[makes a face and tries to contain his laughter]
Eric : Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?
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David Walsh : You just gave a dead woman's bracelet to an eighteen year old stripper who's gonna fuck you in the parking lot while you snort crank off a hunting knife.
Jack : Your point is?