Green Wing (2004–2007)
Oliver Chris: Boyce
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Yes, I've died and gone to heaven, females are fighting over their pants. They're going to rip each other's clothes off!
Boyce : I'm getting a semi.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : Semi? What's wrong with you boy, I'm like a flagpole!
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Dr. Caroline Todd : Boyce, you're friends with Mac and Guy. Who's the biggest scumbag?
Boyce : Guy. Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Guy? Why Guy?
Boyce : He once ethically objected to resuscitating a woman with an A-cup.
Dr. Caroline Todd : An egg cup?
Boyce : No, an A-cup, small puppies. He said it wasn't worth saving less than a handful.
Dr. Caroline Todd : Dear God!
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Boyce : [to Alan] You can't make me laugh... by poking me.
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Boyce : Mine says "Lowers sperm count" what does yours say?
Naughty Rachel : "May cause miscarriage"
[They swap cigarette packets and start smoking]
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Dr. Alan Statham : To whit...
Boyce : T' whoo?
Dr. Alan Statham : I am not an Owl, Boyce.
Boyce : Although you are rather feathery, aren't you, to the touch?
Dr. Alan Statham : No, and I suppose you're about to launch into an absurd story about waking up in my bed after a slave auction and having to borrow my pants!
Boyce : Here you go. Haven't had a chance to wash them yet...
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Boyce : [Martin has swallowed Karen's cellphone to stop her getting an "it's over" voicemail he didn't really mean] Don't worry, Martin, it'll go straight through you. Like sweetcorn!
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Boyce : Guy, Mac's awake. He's come out of his coma, Guy.
Dr. Guilaume Secretan : That's great, if he's out of his coma, then I haven't murdered anybody!
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Dr. Alan Statham : [panic attack] Boyce, kiss me! Give me the kiss of life!
Boyce : No way! You're still breathing.
Dr. Alan Statham : You must revive me with the breath of your body.
Boyce : Oh, God. Okay.
[passionately revives Dr. Statham]
Dr. Alan Statham : What have you been eating?
Boyce : Kim.
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Boyce : [dressed as a nurse] Well, Dr. Statham, I'd quite like to see you after work.
Dr. Alan Statham : Ah, I don't know about that.
Boyce : C'mon give me a hug.
[hugs him]
Dr. Alan Statham : Let go.
Boyce : No, I don't want to.
Dr. Alan Statham : Let go.
Boyce : I will if you say yes.
Dr. Alan Statham : Okay, yes.
Boyce : Okay. Swing by the Tandoori Palace around seven.
Dr. Alan Statham : Oh, I can swing with the best of them, don't you worry about that!
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Dr. Martin Dear : I've just pulled!
Boyce : Really, who?
Dr. Martin Dear : [talking like a stud] Oh, a bit of office totty.
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Boyce : [to Dr Statham] You Pedant!
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Boyce : [scanning crisp packets] Direct hit!
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Boyce : Marty!
Dr. Martin Dear : Boycey!
Boyce : Marty!
Dr. Martin Dear : Boycey!
Boyce : Marty!
Dr. Martin Dear : Boycey!
Boyce : Marty!
Dr. Martin Dear : Boycey!
Boyce : Marty!
Dr. Martin Dear : Boycey!
Boyce : STOP IT!
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Boyce : [tequila slammers] If you're still standing after this one, I'll let you put your hand down my pants.
Naughty Rachel : Oh, God!
[They all drink and Rachel runs off to be sick]
Kim Alabaster : Still standing...
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Kim Alabaster : [yelling in the corridors] Hey, fucker!
Boyce : Hi, Slag!
Kim Alabaster : Why you walking like that, get lucky?
Boyce : Yeah!
Kim Alabaster : Anyone I should be worried about?
Boyce : Just some Totty with Top Tits!
[they meet up and snog]
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Boyce : Put the breadstick down.
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Boyce : [has sex with Kim in Carol's bed]
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Boyce : You're a Christian, you have to Forgive me!
Dr. Alan Statham : Well, lately I've been adopting a more Agnostic approach.
[hits Boyce with his pointer]
