- The Chechen: [During a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] What do you propose?
- The Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.
- [mobsters laugh]
- Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
- The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
- The Joker: You know. I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, Harvey. When you and, uh...
- Harvey Dent: Rachel!
- The Joker: Rachel were being abducted. I was sitting in Gordon's cage. Now, *I* didn't rig those charges.
- Harvey Dent: Your men. Your plan.
- The Joker: Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just... *do* things.
- Harvey Dent: [while having a fancy dinner with Bruce, Rachel and Natascha] You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
- Batman: [in the interrogation room] Then why do you want to kill me?
- The Joker: [giggling] I don't, I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.
- Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.
- The Joker: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.
- Gambol: [to The Joker during a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
- The Joker: How about a magic trick?
- [pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table]
- The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
- [Gambol's thug walks over to kill The Joker, who slams his face into the pencil and kills him]
- The Joker: Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.
- Batman: Sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded...
- Bruce Wayne: [in his high rise apartment] The bandit, in the forest in Burma, did you catch him?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Yes.
- Bruce Wayne: How?
- Alfred Pennyworth: We burned the forest down.
- The Joker: [to Det. Stephens in the interrogation room] Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
- Bruce Wayne: [while in the underground bat cave] Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.
- Alfred Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
- Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.
- Alfred Pennyworth: With respect Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand, either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
- Bruce Wayne: So why steal them?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
- Gambol's Bodyguard: Yo, Gambol, there's somebody here for you. They say they just killed the Joker.
- Gambol's Bodyguard: They brought the body.
- [a body bag is brought in and dropped on the table; Gambol unzips it, revealing Joker's face]
- Gambol: So. For dead, that's 500...
- The Joker: [sitting up and sticking a blade in Gambol's mouth] How 'bout alive?
- [Joker's men hold the bodyguards]
- The Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars? My father, was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me and says, "Why so serious?" Comes at me with the knife. "WHY SO SERIOUS?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face." And...
- [glancing at thug]
- The Joker: Why so serious?
- [kills Gambol]
- Alfred Pennyworth: [as they leave the underground bat cave] I suppose they'll lock me up as well. As your accomplice...
- Bruce Wayne: [jokingly] Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea.
- Lucius Fox: [to Reese] Let me get this straight, you think that your client, one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante, who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person?
- [Reese's face falls and Fox smiles]
- Lucius Fox: Good luck.
- The Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan". But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
- [Joker hands Two-Face a gun and points it at himself]
- The Joker: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!
- [still holding the gun, Two-Face pauses and takes out his coin]
- Two-Face: [showing Joker the good side] You live.
- The Joker: Mm-hmm.
- Two-Face: [showing the scarred side] You die.
- The Joker: Mmm, now we're talking.
- The Joker: [in a warehouse next to a mountain of money] All you care about is money. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!
- Harvey Dent: [during a press conference] The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.
- The Joker: [while hanging upside down] Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
- Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
- The Joker: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
- Batman: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
- The Joker: Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
- Batman: What did you do?
- The Joker: I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
- [the Joker laughs hysterically as Batman races off and the cops come to take the Joker into custody]
- The Joker: [during the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
- Gentleman at Party: We're not intimidated by thugs!
- The Joker: [as he smacks his lips] You know, you remind me of my father.
- [the Joker pulls out his switchblade and brings it to the Gentleman's mouth]
- The Joker: I hated my father!
- Rachel Dawes: [off-screen] Okay, stop!
- [turns to face Rachel, tosses the Gentleman to his thugs and approaches Rachel, adjusting his hair with the knife]
- The Joker: Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze. And you *are* beautiful.
- [he walks around her]
- The Joker: Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?
- [He grabs Rachel's head and positions the knife by her mouth]
- The Joker: Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...
- [the Joker mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
- The Joker: ...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!
- [Rachel knees the Joker in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
- The Joker: A little fight in you. I like that.
- Batman: [off-screen] Then you're gonna love me.
- [attacks him]
- The Joker: [in the interrogation room] I want... my phone call. I want it. I want it! I want my phone call!
- Detective Stephens: That's nice.
- The Joker: How many of your friends have I killed?
- Detective Stephens: I'm a twenty-year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it.
- [pause]
- Detective Stephens: And you've killed six of my friends.
- The Joker: [mouths "six?"]
- Batman: [in the back of a factory at 250 52nd Street] What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act! We three!
- Two-Face: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?
- Batman: It wasn't.
- Two-Face: The Joker chose ME!
- Batman: Because you were the best of us! He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
- Two-Face: [bitter] And he was right.
- The Joker: [after a news segment] I had a vision, of a world without Batman. The mob ground out a little profit and the police tried to shut them down, one block at a time. And it was so... boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes then I blow up a hospital.
- The Chechen: [in a warehouse next to a mountain of money] Joker-man, what you do with all your money?
- The Joker: You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline!
- [he pours gasoline on the mountain of cash]
- The Chechen: [panicked] What the...?
- The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta. And you know the thing they have in common? They're cheap.
- Lt. James Gordon: [in the interrogation room] Harvey Dent never made it home.
- The Joker: Of course not.
- Lt. James Gordon: What have you done with him?
- The Joker: Me? I was right here.
- [holds up his arms in handcuffs]
- The Joker: Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still *your* people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
- Lt. James Gordon: Where is he?
- The Joker: What's the time?
- Lt. James Gordon: What difference does that make?
- The Joker: Well, depending on the time, he may be in one spot, or several.
- Lt. James Gordon: If we're gonna play games...
- [takes off Joker's handcuffs]
- Lt. James Gordon: I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.
- The Joker: Ah, the good cop, bad cop routine?
- Lt. James Gordon: Not exactly.
- [the Joker has rigged two ferries to explode, one filled with prison inmates, one with ordinary people, giving each ferry one detonator and telling them they have to blow up the other, or he'll blow up both. A prisoner approaches the warden, who's holding the detonator]
- Tattooed Prisoner: You don't want to die, but you don't know how to take a life. Give it to me; these men would kill you, and take it anyway. Give it to me. You can tell 'em I took it by force. Give it to me, and I'll do what you shoulda did ten minutes ago.
- [Scared, the warden hands over the detonator. The prisoner looks at it, then throws it out the window]
- The Joker: [stumbles out of wrecked truck, playing chicken with Batman] Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. Hit me!
- The Joker: [SPOILER] We really should stop this fighting, otherwise we'll miss the fireworks!
- Batman: [while being pinned down on the platform next to the ledge of a building that's still under construction] There won't *be* any fireworks!
- The Joker: And here... we... go!
- [Silence. Nothing happens. Confused, Joker turns to look at the clock, which shows that it's past midnight and neither ferry has blown the other up]
- Batman: [triumphantly] What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're alone!
- The Joker: [sighs] Can't rely on anyone these days, you have to do everything yourself, don't we!
- [bumps along while driving a hijacked semi truck]
- The Joker: [driving in the driver's seat] I like this job - I like it!
- Harvey Dent: Alfred, right?
- Alfred Pennyworth: [during the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] That's right, sir.
- Harvey Dent: Yeah, Rachel talks about you all the time. You've known her, her whole life!
- Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, not yet, sir.
- Harvey Dent: Heh heh heh. Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
- Alfred Pennyworth: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.
- Grumpy: That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he'd have had us bring a bigger car.
- [promptly draws his gun and points it a Bozo]
- Grumpy: I'm bettin' the Joker told you to kill me as soon as we loaded the cash.
- Bozo: [looks at his watch, checking it. He sighs] No, no no no. I kill the bus driver.
- Grumpy: [as Bozo moves a few paces to one side] Bus driver? What bus driver?
- [a yellow school bus reverses through the bank's doors and knocks Grumpy down. The driver jumps out]
- Bus Driver: School's out! Time to go!
- [laughs]
- Bus Driver: Cat's not gettin' up, is he?
- [loading duffels]
- Bus Driver: That's a lot of money. What happened to the rest of the guys?
- [Bozo casually shoots the bus driver dead, then picks up the last duffel and throws it into the bus. Bozo prepares to climb in]
- Gotham National Bank Manager: Think you're smart, huh? The guy that hired youze, he'll just do the same to you. Oh, criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?
- Bozo: [putting a gas grenade in the banker's mouth] I believe, whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you...
- [takes off his mask revealing the face of the Joker]
- The Joker: ...stranger.
- The Joker: Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now. But when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper. See, their morals, their code... it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you, when the chips are down, these... these civilized people? They'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve.
- Batman: [grabs Joker] Where's Dent?
- The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you!
- Lt. James Gordon: [as Batman slams Joker into the wall] He's in control.
- Batman: I have one rule.
- The Joker: Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
- Batman: [getting impatient] Which is?
- The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules.
- [mimicking Batman's voice]
- The Joker: And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
- Batman: I'm considering it.
- The Joker: Oh, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you wanna save one of them.
- Batman: [softly, fearful] Them?
- The Joker: You know for awhile there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her.
- [Joker laughs, Batman throws Joker on table, barricades door]
- The Joker: Look at you go! Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny?
- Batman: [slams Joker into mirror] Where are they?
- The Joker: Killing is making a choice.
- Batman: [punches Joker] Where are they?
- The Joker: Choose between one life or the other. Your friend, the district attorney, or his blushing bride-to-be...
- [punches Joker]
- The Joker: [laughs] You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with! Nothing to do with all your strength!
- [grabs Joker]
- The Joker: Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you where they are. Both of them. And that's the point. You'll have to choose. He's at 250 52ND Street and she's on Avenue X, at Cicero.
- The Joker: [over the PA] Tonight you're all gonna be part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky high. Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die. Each of you has a remote... to blow up the other boat. At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it going to be: Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose... oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat might not be so noble.
- Bruce Wayne: [while in the underground bat cave] People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
- Bruce Wayne: Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you get to say "I told you so."
- Alfred Pennyworth: Today, I don't want to.
- [pauses for several moments]
- Alfred Pennyworth: But I did bloody tell you.
- [last lines in the back of a factory]
- James Gordon Jr.: Why's he running, Dad?
- Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
- James Gordon Jr.: He didn't do anything wrong.
- Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.
- Harvey Dent: [during the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent] The famous Bruce Wayne. Rachel's told me everything about you.
- Bruce Wayne: I certainly hope not.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
- Bruce Wayne: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
- Alfred Pennyworth: The Lamborghini, then.
- [with deadpan sarcasm]
- Alfred Pennyworth: Much more subtle.
- The Joker: [upon entering the fundraiser party held for Harvey Dent while his henchmen follow behind him] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
- [nobody responds; The Joker walks around the room pointing with his shotgun at everyone]
- The Joker: You know where Harvey is? You know who he is?
- [grabs a man's face]
- The Joker: You know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something. Just something, a little.
- [turns the man's face away]
- The Joker: No...
- Salvatore Maroni: [in the back seat of his car] Look, if I tell you, will you let me go?
- Two-Face: Can't hurt your chances.
- Salvatore Maroni: It was Ramirez.
- [Two-Face pulls the coin out and cocks his gun]
- Salvatore Maroni: [panicking] But you said...
- Two-Face: I said it couldn't hurt your chances.
- [flips coin; good side]
- Two-Face: You're a lucky man.
- [flips again; bad side]
- Two-Face: He's not.
- Salvatore Maroni: Who?
- Two-Face: [buckles seat belt] Your driver.
- [He shoots the driver in the back; the car goes flying off the road]
- Lt. James Gordon: [after Bruce saves Reese by blocking a truck with his car] It's mister Wayne, isn't it? That was a very brave thing you did!
- Bruce Wayne: Trying to catch the light?
- Lt. James Gordon: You weren't protecting the van?
- Bruce Wayne: Why, who's in it?
- [Reese steps out, sees Bruce, who nods slightly]
- Bruce Wayne: Do you think I should go to the hospital?
- Lt. James Gordon: You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?
- Alfred Pennyworth: [looks at the large gash on Bruce's arm] Did you get mauled by a tiger?
- Bruce Wayne: [quietly] It was a dog.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Huh?
- Bruce Wayne: It was a big dog!
- [pause]
- Bruce Wayne: More copycats last night, Alfred, with guns.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?
- The Joker: [During a private sit down meeting with the gangsters] If we don't deal with this now, soon little, uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
- Gambol: [explodes] Enough from the clown!
- [He rises to his feet; Joker does too, opening his coat to reveal a cluster of grenades, attached to a string around his thumb]
- The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta! Let's not *blow*...
- Man No. 1: Shit!
- The Joker: ...this out of proportion.
- Bruce Wayne: [standing next to the storage drawers in the applied sciences division at Wayne Enterprises] How will it hold up against dogs?
- Lucius Fox: We talking Rottweilers or Chihuahuas? Should do fine against cats.
- Rachel Dawes: [narrating her letter to Bruce as Alfred reads it] Dear Bruce. I need to be honest and clear. I'm going to marry Harvey Dent. I love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. When I told you that if Gotham no longer needed Batman we could be together, I meant it. But now I'm sure the day won't come when *you* no longer need Batman. I hope it does; and if it does I will be there, but as your friend. I'm sorry to let you down. If you lose your faith in me, please keep your faith in people. Love, now and always, Rachel.
- Batman: [about the Joker] Where is he?
- Salvatore Maroni: I don't know where he is, he found us!
- Batman: He must have friends!
- Salvatore Maroni: [incredulous] Friends? Have you met this guy?