Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)
Will Arnett: The Missing Link
Photos
Quotes
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The Missing Link : [about Susan] She's speechless!
B.O.B. : She?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Yes. We are in the prescence of the rare female monster.
B.O.B. : No way! It's a boy; look at his boobies!
The Missing Link : We need to have a talk.
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The Missing Link : Anyway, how, er, how was Derek?
[Susan sighs]
Susan Murphy : Derek is a selfish jerk.
B.O.B. : No!
Susan Murphy : Yes. All that talk about "us" - "I'm so proud of us", "Us just got a job in Fresno". There's no "us". There was only Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that? I'm such an idiot!
[she kicks the roof of the gas station, sending B.O.B. flying]
Susan Murphy : Why did I ever think life with Derek would be so great anyway? I mean, look at all the stuff I've done without him. Fighting an alien robot? That was me, not him. And that was amazing! Meeting you guys? Amazing. Dr. Cockroach, you can crawl up walls and build a super-computer out of a pizza box, two cans of hairspray and...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : And a paper clip.
Susan Murphy : Amazing! And you - you hardly need an introduction; you're the Missing Link! You personally carried 250 co-eds off of Cocoa Beach, and still had the strength to fight off the National Guard.
The Missing Link : And the Coast Guard. And also the Life Guard.
Susan Murphy : Amazing!
[B.O.B. lands]
Susan Murphy : B.O.B., who else could fall from unimaginable heights and end up without a single scratch?
B.O.B. : Link?
Susan Murphy : Y-you.
B.O.B. : Amazing!
[Insectosaurus roars]
The Missing Link : Good point, Insecto. Susan, don't short-change yourself.
Susan Murphy : Oh, I'm not gonna short-change myself.
[stands at full height]
Susan Murphy : Ever again!
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The Missing Link : Halt! I, Gallaxhar, command you to hand over the prisoner this instant.
Gallaxhar clone : Clearly you are defective beyond repair. Guards, take this defective clone to the incinerator!
[pause]
Gallaxhar clone : Well, what're you waiting for? You, and you!
[points at B.O.B and Dr. Cockroach]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Seriously?
Gallaxhar clone : Yes. Take the prisoner and the defective clone to the incinerator.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Uh, of course, sir.
Gallaxhar clone : And here's a security pass, just in case.
[he offers a laser gun to B.O.B]
Gallaxhar clone : Would you like a gun?
B.O.B. : Yes, I would. Hey, guys, look.
[gun goes off and hits clone]
The Missing Link : Okay...
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The Missing Link : [while outside for the first time in 50 years] It a little hotter than I remember. Has the Earth gotten warmer? It would be great to know that... that would be a very convenient truth.
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : They called me crazy, but I'll show them. I'll show them all! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Susan Murphy : Doctor, I'd prefer you didn't do your mad scientist laugh while I'm hooked up to this machine.
[Insectosaurus roars]
The Missing Link : You're right, Insecto. You've been letting that quack experiment on you for over a month.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : I'm not a quack, I'm a mad scientist. There's a difference.
Susan Murphy : Guys, what choice do I have? If he can make me normal, or even six-foot-eight, I can get out of here, get back to the life I'm supposed to have. I mean, I should be in...
The Missing Link : Let me guess, Fresno?
Susan Murphy : Well, Fresno is just a stepping stone. Next stop, Milwaukee, and then New York and then some day hopefully...
The Missing Link : Yeah, we know. Paris.
Susan Murphy : Throw the switch, Doctor. But-but don't do the laugh.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Now, you're going to feel a slight pinch in the brain. Mwa-ha-ha... Sorry.
[he turns on the machine; Susan is shocked with electricity until she passes out. When she comes to, the others are standing over her]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Susan! Yoo-hoo!
Susan Murphy : Am I small again?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : I'm afraid not, my dear.
[Susan sits up, her hair standing on end]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : In fact, you may actually have grown a couple of feet.
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The Missing Link : No monster has ever gotten out of here.
B.O.B. : That's not true! The invisible man did.
The Missing Link : No he didn't. We just told you that so you wouldn't get upset.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : He died of a heart attack twenty-five years ago.
B.O.B. : Nooo!
The Missing Link : Yeah. In that very chair.
[motions towards an empty chair]
The Missing Link : He's still there.
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Susan Murphy : I can't believe it! Soon I'll be back in Derek's arms... or... he'll be in mine.
The Missing Link : Ahh I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach just... freakin' everybody out.
B.O.B. : And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : No no, that's me, B.O.B.
B.O.B. : Then I'll be a really giant lady.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : That's Susan, B.O.B.
B.O.B. : Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.
The Missing Link : Yeah, that's still Susan B.O.B.
B.O.B. : I think I at least deserve a chance to be with Derek!
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The Missing Link : [as the ship is about to explode] It's been an honor knowing you, Doc.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : The feeling's mutual, my friend.
B.O.B. : I'll see you guys tomorrow, for lunch.
The Missing Link : That's right, B.O.B.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : There'll be candy, cake; balloons.
B.O.B. : Cake and balloons for lunch? It's gonna be the best day ever! I love you guys!
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[B.O.B. picks up a three from a deck of cards, Insectosaurus is standing behind B.O.B]
The Missing Link : Do you have any...
[Insectosaurus stomps three times]
The Missing Link : Threes?
B.O.B. : Yes! I do! How are you doing this? You're the luckiest guy I know!
The Missing Link : Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it.
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The Missing Link : You see what I'm saying? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's ever getting out.
General W.R. Monger : Good news, monsters! You're getting out!
The Missing Link : Until today.
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Wow, what a shindig. Your parents really know how to throw it down.
The Missing Link : What? No, that was a great party, one of the best I've even been to since I got out of prison.
B.O.B. : I must have been at a different party, 'cause that's not how I interpreted it at all. I don't think your parents like me, and I think that jello gave me a fake phone number.
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The Missing Link : Don't scare Insectosaurus! He's gonna pee himself, and then we'll all be in trouble.
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General W.R. Monger : Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.
Susan Murphy : What is it, General?
General W.R. Monger : Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making it's way to Paris.
Susan Murphy : Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?
The Missing Link : What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?
[Butterflyosaurus roars, saying *yes*]
The Missing Link : We're in.
B.O.B. : I'm in!
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Count me in too.
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[the resident monsters have just greeted Susan, the new arrival, in their own peculiar way]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are not making a very good first impression.
The Missing Link : At least I'm talking. First new monster in years, we couldn't get, like, a wolfman or a, or a mummy? Just, you know, somebody to play cards with.
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The Missing Link : Wow, look at you. I know what you're thinking: first day in prison, you want to take down the toughest guy in the yard? Well, I'd like to see you try.
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The Missing Link : Finally, some action. I'm gonna turn that oversized tin can into a *really* dented oversized tin can.
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Poor Link. After all that tough talk, you were outmonstered by a girl. No wonder you're depressed.
The Missing Link : Hey, I'm not depressed. I'm tired.
B.O.B. : Why are you tired? You didn't do anything.
The Missing Link : Well, I haven't been sleeping well, all right? I got sleep apnes... apne-, apnea. Whatever, it's not fun.
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[Link is lifting weights]
The Missing Link : ...seven, eight...
[Susan passes by]
The Missing Link : ...nine hundred and ninety nine, one thousand. Whoo! I can't believe I did ten sets.
