- Father Lucas Trevant: You be careful, Michael.
- Michael Kovak: Why?
- Father Lucas Trevant: Choosing not to believe in the devil won't protect you from him.
- Father Lucas Trevant: The interesting thing about skeptics, atheists, is that, uh, we're always looking for proof, certainty. The question is what on Earth would we do if we found it?
- Michael Kovak: "We?"
- Father Lucas Trevant: Oh, yes. There are times when I experience a total loss of faith - days, months when I don't know what the hell I believe in - God or the devil, Santa Claus or Tinker Bell - but, uh... you know, I'm just a man. I'm a weak man. I have... no power, yet there's something that keeps digging and scraping away inside me. Feel's like God's fingernail - and, uh, finally I can take no more of the pain, and I get... shoved out from the darkness back into the light. Something like that.
- Father Xavier: Tell me, Michael, do you believe in sin?
- Michael Kovak: Yeah, I just don't necessarily believe the devil makes us do it.
- Father Xavier: He that committeth sin is of the devil.
- Michael Kovak: Then that'd be all of us, wouldn't it? And if we're all of the devil, how do we fight him?
- Father Xavier: For example, paranoid schizophrenics are not aware that they're deluded.
- Michael Kovak: Neither are the possessed while they're being possessed, are they?
- Father Xavier: But people who are possessed have periods of lucidity. That's my point.
- Michael Kovak: So do schizophrenics.
- Father Xavier: One can't suddenly manifest abilities simply because one is deluded. The man on this tape is German. How does he spontaneously speak Russian?
- Michael Kovak: How could a boy in a village in Africa found 400 miles from his home claim that he was abducted by aliens? It's just as unlikely, but we're willing to call HIM crazy and your German man NOT because he believes in aliens, not God.
- Father Lucas Trevant: [heading toward an exorcism] You do not speak to it. It's the devil. You leave that to me. Do you understand?
- Father Lucas Trevant: Cool.
- Father Lucas Trevant: D'you understand?
- Michael Kovak: Yeah, I get it.
- Father Lucas Trevant: Well,, just SAY so. Bow your head, keep praying, and good luck.
- Angeline: So you're having a final fling with atheism?
- Michael Kovak: Well, I guess it's, uh, more like an ex-girlfriend who keeps coming around.
- Father Lucas Trevant: Faith becomes you. Stay with it. Keep fighting the good fight with all thy might.
- Michael Kovak: Cool.
- Father Lucas Trevant: Get out of here.
- Father Lucas Trevant: Tell me... does a thief or a burglar turn on the lights while he's robbing your house? No. He prefers you to believe that, uh... he's not there. Uh, like the devil, he prefers you to believe that he doesn't exist.
- Michael Kovak: Gets complicated when no proof of the devil is somehow proof of the devil.
- Father Lucas Trevant: Yeah.
- Eddie: Wait-wait-wait-wait, wait. S... seminary school, really? What, is this your way of tellin' me that you're gay?
- [Michael looks angrily at Eddie]
- Eddie: I'm just joking. Okay? Joke.
- Michael Kovak: You don't get it. In my family, you're either a mortician or a priest. That's it.
- Eddie: Well, then change your name.
- Michael Kovak: Dude, I've looked into it. Four-year degree before you even take your first vows. If it doesn't work out, I can always leave.
- Eddie: Wow. Such faith.
- Title Card: "The battle against the Devil, which is the principal task of Saint Michael the Archangel, is still being fought today, because the Devil is still alive and active in the world." - Pope John Paul II
- Title Card: What follows is inspired by true events.
- Michael Kovak: How'd she do it?
- Istvan Kovak: What?
- Michael Kovak: Kill herself.
- Istvan Kovak: Michael, I've told you this many times. We serve the dead, but we don't talk about them. It brings bad things.
- Michael Kovak: We keep dead people in the house, Dad. How much worse could it get?
- Father Lucas Trevant: The terror is real, Michael. It's real, but you'll only defeat it when you believe. So... so go now, lock me up. Go now! Lock me up!
- Nina: [gives Michael and Eddie two beers] These are on the house.
- Eddie: Wow.
- Michael Kovak: You gonna get heat for giving away beers?
- Nina: Not if they don't know.
- Eddie: How about for banging the customers?
- Nina: Screw you, Eddie.
- [to Michael]
- Nina: Drink up. I'm off in ten. Lickety-split.
- Eddie: Lickety-split? Pbb. You better make the most of that, before they chop your wiener off.
- [they cheer and clank bottles]
- Eddie: Goodbye wiener.
- Michael Kovak: Father, listen to me. Did you understand my letter?
- Father Matthew: Yes. I, uh... I decided not to pass it on to my superiors.
- Michael Kovak: Why not?
- Father Matthew: I think you're making a mistake.
- Michael Kovak: I think this is the part where I say, "It's not you, it' me," and "Let's just be friends."
- [first lines]
- Man#1: Don't be afraid.
- Man#2: Do you believe in sin?
- Woman: [whispering] There's nothing to believe.
- Michael Kovak: Are you a liar, Rosaria? What is it you want me to believe?
- Rosaria: [possessed, whispering] There's nothing to believe.
- Michael Kovak: Oh. Then there's no devil and you're not possessed?
- Rosaria: [angered] You fear me, mortal!
- Michael Kovak: How can I fear you if you don't exist?
- [Rosario glares]
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