No Hard Feelings (2023)
Jennifer Lawrence: Maddie Barker
Photos
Quotes
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Maddie Barker : Do you want me to date him, or "date" him?
Laird Becker , Allison Becker : Yes!
Laird Becker : Date him!
Allison Becker : Date him!
Laird Becker : Date him hard!
Maddie Barker : I'll date his brains out!
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[sees a couple on their phone in a bedroom]
Maddie Barker : Does anyone even fuck anymore?
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Sara : Women have all sorts of reasons for having sex. I mean, I had sex once because I didn't want to commute in the morning.
Maddie Barker : I've had sex with a guy to get out of playing Settlers of Catan.
Sara : I had sex with a guy on a first date because I thought he was going to kill me.
Jim : Jesus. You're with me now, babe.
Maddie Barker : She's talking about you, dumbass.
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Maddie Barker : [after fighting a few kids in the nude] What about you? You want the business?
Beach Bully : No, no, no, take it, take it.
Maddie Barker : You think it's cool to steal clothes?
Beach Bully : You need fucking help.
Beach Bully : Call the cops.
Maddie Barker : Stay the fuck out of Montauk!
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Percy Becker : Did you beat up those kids?
Maddie Barker : No, they apologized.
Percy Becker : I heard screaming.
Maddie Barker : That was the apologizing.
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Gary : My sister was right about you.
Maddie Barker : Wait, your sister who was arrested for elder abuse?
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Maddie Barker : [to Percy] You're nineteen, grow up!
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Percy Becker : What about sharks?
Maddie Barker : None here.
Percy Becker : Jellyfish?
Maddie Barker : Not in season!
Percy Becker : It's really the lack of lifeguards that's causing an issue for me! I'm...
Maddie Barker : Just get the fuck in here right now!
Percy Becker : Okay, okay!
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Maddie Barker : Can't believe this kid is going to Princeton. He's dumb as shit.
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Percy Becker : Why do you want to adopt a dog.
Maddie Barker : Because I can't have dogs of my own.
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Maddie Barker : And you're sure he's not gay?
Allison Becker : Yes. We've seen his porn. It's not gay.
Laird Becker : It's a little gay. Lot of bodies.
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Maddie Barker : I should have that Buick by now, but this kid's unfuckable.
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Maddie Barker : Well, I know you were looking for someone early to mid-20s. I'm slightly older.
Allison Becker : Right. How old?
Maddie Barker : I just turned 29.
Allison Becker : Recently?
Maddie Barker : Last year.
Laird Becker : So you're 29?
Maddie Barker : Last year.
Allison Becker : And how old are you, like, right now?
Maddie Barker : One more year older.
Laird Becker : So 30.
Maddie Barker : Yeah. 32.
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Maddie Barker : I don't remember ordering a phony bitch for dessert.
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Percy Becker : Okay. Whatever this is, it's done. You can't track me anymore. I'm changing my phone passcode.
Maddie Barker : To what?
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Maddie Barker : [approaching Percy at the animal shelter] Mind if I touch your wiener?
Percy Becker : [caught off guard] What?
Maddie Barker : Your dog.
Percy Becker : Oh.
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[Maddie is excessively flirting with Percy under the guise of adopting a dog]
Maddie Barker : Come on. There's gotta be more questions.
Percy Becker : Yes, there are, but I have to start closing up. So, um, yeah. You can come back another day, though.
Maddie Barker : I might not want a dog another day. I want a dog *right now*.
Percy Becker : Well, then, pet ownership may not be for you. You sound a lot like the kind of person we would normally take a dog from.
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Maddie Barker : I had this really intense dream about you last night. Don't ask.
Percy Becker : Of course. That's private.
Maddie Barker : Do you ever have those?
Percy Becker : Uh, intense dreams? Um... Actually, uh, yeah.
Maddie Barker : Tell me.
Percy Becker : You know Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad?
Maddie Barker : Okay.
Percy Becker : I had this one dream where I wouldn't let her adopt a dog. So she'd locked me in one of the dog cages and dragged me back to her hideout. I kicked at the cage and screamed.
[Maddie looks confused]
Maddie Barker : And that made you come?
Percy Becker : Uh... I did not.
Maddie Barker : How the fuck is that a sex dream?
Percy Becker : You asked me if I have intense dreams.
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Percy Becker : What other stuff have you been doing for me I don't know about? That time I beat you in basketball, did you let me win?
Maddie Barker : No. You beat me fair and square.
Percy Becker : What about Kyle McElroy? Kyle McElroy. The kid who bullied me. Did you have him expelled?
Allison Becker : No. I was told it was a dream of his to go to military school.
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[Maddie is being kicked out of a teen's party]
Maddie Barker : Your fucking parents are here?
Party Mother : You think our son would have a party without our consent?
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Teen : [filming himself on phone] Yo, yo, what's going on, you guys? It's your boy, Cameron B. We are kicking the summer off right at a sick house party in Montauk.
Teen : [also filming himself] Now me. Yo, what's up? It's me, Trash Gucci. If you or someone you know is being bullied, never be afraid to speak up. Bullying is not a...
[Maddie steps in the background of their filming to use the beer keg]
Teen : Excuse me, ma'am. Can you not do that while we're recording? Thank you.
Maddie Barker : Just getting a beer, Frosted.
Teen : [to Trash Gucci] Did she just call me Frosted?
[he and his friend train their phones on Maddie]
Teen : That, my friends, is what we call a bully, huh?
Maddie Barker : Oh, no, not a phone. Someone help, I'm being filmed.
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[first lines]
Maddie Barker : [running out of the house] Stop! Stop! Gary, what the fuck!
Gary : Court order for asset seizure. You gotta pay your property taxes, Maddie.
Maddie Barker : No, this is a mistake. I'm negotiating a payment schedule with them.
Gary : Well, I guess they're done negotiating.
Maddie Barker : What, so they're taking my car. I'm an Uber driver!
Gary : Not my problem.
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Athlete : Oh, yo, mami. How old are you?
Maddie Barker : Twenty-three.
Athlete : Damn, you old as fuck.
Athlete : No disrespect. He loves cougars.
Athlete : I fuck with the big cats.
Maddie Barker : Why don't you two big cats fuck each other, then?
Athlete : Whoa! Is that an insult?
Athlete : Shut the front door.
Maddie Barker : It sure is, professor.
Athlete : Why is us having sex with each other an insult? I'm confused.
Athlete : Say what you just said. Say that again.
[he and his friend start filming Maddie on their phones]
Maddie Barker : No, I didn't mean it in a homophobic way.
Athlete : How'd you mean it, then?
Maddie Barker : It was a joke. I'm not- I've been with girls. I'm not homophobic.
[more teens gather to film her]
Maddie Barker : Where the fuck did you come from? Stop filming me. No comment.
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Jim : I'm just surprised you're actually considering this, that's all I'm saying.
Maddie Barker : I've had a one night stand before and got zero Buick Regals for it.
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Jim : Maddie, you won't even rent your house out but now you're going to rent out your vag?
Sara : Jim, the adults are talking.
Jim : Oh, just 'cause I'm a guy I can't express an opinion on this?
Maddie Barker , Sara : Exactly, yeah. Shut up.