I waited months for this film thinking it would be so much better than it was. There is nothing quite like the let down of expecting something great, and it turning out to be mediocre at best.

While the plot is pretty original (which normally scores high points with me) and while the film is at times quite beautiful to look at, it altogether missed the main point: gratification and satiation.

Scares are not included on the menu; what there is of comedic value is folded within filling; it is unsatisfyingly light on gore; hints of interesting dialogue exist, but they are scantily peppered throughout; the build-up of characters and backstory is distinctly and unpalatably in short supply as well as somewhat bland, intentions are nondescript; it wore on and became progressively less, instead of more enjoyable; and the main course was both 'cheesy' and a bit less than fulfilling. I greedily took it all in, but by the time dessert was to be served, the previous dishes laid still undigested and leaden.

I'd like to speak to the manager, please.