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_Sergey_
Reviews
Army of One (2020)
Stupid non entertaining garbage of a "movie"
A shady pair trespasses in someone's house. Going through locked rooms. They are caught by the owners, who turn out to be bad guys too. The owners execute the pair with a pistol. Somehow missing the female from 2 yards away. She is abandoned as dead.
She wakes up and proceeds to stalk and kill the area occupants.
Very stupid movie. Embarrassment to the art of cinema and to the mighty Army Rangers.
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
What a waste of time and money
Progressive POV ruined a great classic character from my childhood. All the positive reviews just can't be real, written by honest actual viewers. There's absolutely nothing good about this movie. It's a stupid movie even for a straight to video category. Don't waste your time and money.
Lake Mungo (2008)
Save yourself 2 hours, watch some paint dry instead
10 minutes in, I'm thinking "this is one of the more boring found-footage documentaries"...
15 minutes in: "as a target audience, how stupid do they think I have to be to watch this"...
20 minutes in, after checking 6.2 stars rating on imdb: "I must be missing something, this is supposed to be good"...
30 minutes in, "I must push forward, can't give up, it's gonna get better any minute now"...
Credits roll: "they've had me". :(
This is one stupid, cheap, crappy, blunt, badly made movie. The grainy footage is bad and obviously (I understand it's all fake, but they didn't bother to try to make it convincing), no surprises anywhere, everything is predictable and simple. No thrill, no scares, nothing. It's boring, slow, stupid.
I bet the makers of this gem realized all this and decided to add a "jump scare" in the final few minutes. But even that came out half baked.
Save yourself time and disappointment, and watch literally anything else.
The Wedding Date (2005)
Expected nothing good, but it turned out to be even worse than expected
WARNING: MAJOR spoilers within.
Wow, amazing! Who thought this was a good idea for a movie? We already had "Pretty Woman" and someone decided it would be more interesting to reverse the sexes of the two main characters. Well, the producers failed miserably at this - the movie came out to be one of the worst I have seen.
The worst thing is I was expecting a few jokes in the movie after seeing the commercials. I only went to see the movie because I thought this was a light-hearted romantic comedy. I did get a few jokes, but they were so bad that not a single soul in the theater squeezed out a laugh.
Every line/minute of the movie amazes you with its predictability and stupidity. Dialogs are blunt, dull and built for 10 year olds. The whole story is directed so bad that you wish you had the power to ban the director from making any more movies. The rare events in this empty movie are not built up to look believable. The three day love development is directed in a way that you do not really see it. There is no sparks flying, no connection between two main characters and the emotions and the process of falling in love is not directed very convincingly.
The main actor playing a stud is 5'9", Debra Messing is doing her best (with the help of film crew) to look as short as possible with her 5'8". The guy is good looking and is trying very hard to look masculine and "studdly", however neither I or my girlfriend bought this (no offence to fellow guy readers 5'9" and below). I actually like this actor, and he was one of the reasons why I went to see the movie. But I do not think he is a believable stud. A guy like him can be a prostitute, but he would never turn heads by walking into a room full of people.
The theater was half-full, and the audience throughout the movie looked/sounded kind of frustrated. At the end I exchanged opinions with other movie goers in the theater. We all had one thought in mind throughout the whole movie "am I not understanding something or does this really stink?".
Summary: save yourself 10 bucks and two hours. When the DVD is out, do not waste money on it either. You will feel much worse after seeing this. It is bad, sick and perverted.
WARNING-------------SPOILER FOLLOWS P.S. How romantic (or stupid?) one has to be to hire, fall in love in three days and then marry a prostitute (no offence to prostitutes intended ;))?
Marsh-brosok (2003)
Sleazy fairy-tale for naive teenage girls
First thing I want to highlight is terrible acting job on the lead actor's part. He is a boxer-turned-actor, and it clearly shows throughout the whole movie.
Second thing is the directing. It is not sufficiently sharp and precise. The movie pace is not consistent, characters are not polished, love story development is silly.
Now, to the plot. Chechen war in all its complexity is very simplified in this movie. The good guys are perfectly good, and the bad guys are undoubtedly bad. The only exception is the Chechen general who starts to have second thoughts about his role in this war. However his transformation is not detailed and directed as good as it could have been done by a better director. All the dialogs in the movie are designed for 10 year old children or early teenagers.
There is of course some positive things in this movie: good stunt work, use of real weaponry and real Russian soldiers, very decent fight scenes, physically trained lead character, cute lead actress.
Conclusion: 4 out of 10. You will enjoy this movie if you are young and do not know much about Chechen war, Russian Military and Chechen army. Be advised: if you are a young girl, you may develop a crush on the lead character.
White Gold (2004)
A contender for the top spot in IMDb Bottom 100 list
Almost nothing is good about this movie. Bad plot, bad directing, bad casting, stupid idea for a movie, executed the worst possible way. I was watching it with one thought on my mind throughout the whole movie: "Have I gone crazy, or a movie can actually be THIS bad???"
The screen play writer and the director should be banned from making movies ever again. Period.
There are two good parts to this movie: good Russian stunt work and a great Russian actor ensemble lured in by good (for Russian market) pays. The latter may contradict with my prior statement "bad casting", but there is an explanation. The Russian actors involved in this movie are all great; however the movie is not worth their presence from the artistic point of view.
This movie is an example of the critical situation in Russian movie industry: good directors rarely have access to decent budgets for decent movie productions. Bad wannabe directors and producers with connections are able to secure good financing, they produce bad movies and the big (in Russian terms) budgets bring them a lot of hype. Russia does not make movies these days as good as 15 or more years ago.
Summary: bad movie, 0 out of 10, not worth wasting your time on it, even for fans of some great Russian actors involved.
Antikiller 2: Antiterror (2003)
Really Bad Movie, Promotes Terrorism and Portrays Terrorists as Heroes
This is one very disappointing movie! The director is too young; his work is amateurish, grotesque and very inexperienced. Lame camera work: these people tried to be original in their use of camera angles and camera movement. They really failed at both. The movie is hard to watch (literally bad for your eyes), all action sequences are hidden behind the jagged motion of the camera. Maybe they chose this filming style because the action sequences were badly engineered and directed, I do not really know.
The reason why I decided to write a review here is because of the plot and the idea carried by the movie. I suspect the budget for this film came from Chechen terrorists and their financiers. They make the terrorists into the real good guys and heroes, while between the lines they hint as at the idea that the law enforcement people and Russian state anti-terrorist groups are the true bad guys.
Obvious example: at the end (spoiler follows!) the main terrorist character completely overpowers and badly beats up the 'good guy', showing us that he really is the good guy and Chechens are better and stronger 'men' than Russians. The 'good guy' can take the terrorist out only with the help of a tricky disabled gun and a big truck. The director also highlights in the movie that Muslim terrorists do not support violence (the terrorist father disapproving the torture video of Christian people by Muslim mercenaries).
All in all, I was really disappointed in the movie. My advice: do not waste your money and time watching this flick.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Worst movie ever pretended to be called a movie!
Made for $20K. I wonder what they wasted the money on making this "masterpiece"?.... It is not worth more than $100 (price of wasted 8mm tapes).
Cons: 1. Cheap (should be in "pros" section)
Pros: 1. Worst acting I have ever seen in a movie (Heather is the best they got); 2. Most brainless plot; 3. Most disappointing movie-going experience I've had; 4. Absolutely not scary, more like a funny spoof; 5. And so on, everything sux in this movie.
A must see for everyone? NO: A must not waste time for anyone!
My vote: 1 out 1000 This piece of wasted footage should not even be called a "movie".
Piraty XX veka (1980)
First Russian action/martial arts flick. Definitely not the best comparing to Hollywood movies of that period.
It was the first action movie made in banned in USSR Hollywood action style. It is not even close to the Hollywood action movies of that time. The plot is childish, the directing is so-so. This movie succeeded because it was first of its kind in Russia. Even though I watched it many times I have to admit it was kind of naive and I did not like it. This is not the best example of Russian action movie. This is just the first experience.
Titanic (1997)
Not worth the money spent on it! The first movie in the history that cost $200M and made for children!
Very disappointed with this one. The worst ever casting simply adds more stupidity to the already thoughtless plot. I would expect more from the movie that cost more than $200,000,000. The special effects are very expensive but primitive and not really necessary for the movie.
Do not get me wrong, the movie is not SO bad. It is just not worth (art-wise) the money spent on it. The movie's qualities are of a middle level. There are hundreds of movies like this one. The only thing that is special here is the budget.
Bottom line: I watched the movie once (well almost once, it is way too oversized, I could not make it through the whole movie) and this is enough for me!
Bound (1996)
A very good movie, would recommend to watch (but be careful with the unrated version)
Extraordinary "Mob" film! On of the best criminal suspense flicks. Main pros: great plot, casting, directing, just enough special effects (almost none). Cons: cannot think of any!
One suggestion: be careful renting/buying the unrated version of the movie. It includes a very "graphic" scene of lesbian love. First I felt uncomfortable, but after watching the whole movie I accepted the scene. This moment is actually helping understand the women in the movie and how powerful some of the women who do not need men can be.
Kavkazskaya plennitsa, ili Novye priklyucheniya Shurika (1967)
Great Comedy! A must see for everyone (who speaks Russian)
One of the best Russian (Former Soviet Union) comedies. Very light, funny and smart. I have watched it many times and had lots of good laugh. There is virtually no Russian who has not watched this good old classic comedy.
Champions (1997)
Bad plot, bad acting, bad movie!
One of the worst movies I have BOUGHT! I saw the Shamrock's picture on the cover and decided to buy... wrong choice!
Nothing to see if you are not mentally ill. A slow-action no-brainer with a crazy mix of unbelievable brutal fights and unnecessary women's breasts, sex scenes and even necrophilia (absolutely was not needed in this movie).
Whom I would suggest to watch this movie: 1. Fans of Shamrock will enjoy his decent shape; 2. Those who are into bodybuilding and martial arts will enjoy (not sure) some actors' performances (fighter/stock broker is just great, probably the best acting in this movie).