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thefountainmenace
Reviews
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)
VERY VERY GOOD
Wow! I don't really understand the hesitation coming from most of these reviewers - I found this to be an excellent, mesmerizing film. As with all of the works of Charlie Kaufman that I have seen, it is a bit challenging, but not insanely so - as long as you watch the movie and not skim it. Yes, there are sudden era jump cuts and a lot of bouncing around time in general - but that's what the technology of filmed stories allows for! So if it's done coherently - and I would argue that it certainly is here - it only makes a film more compelling. Clooney must have been more than a bit hurt that this brilliant film did not achieve more notice. I found it completely captivating. Brief cameos from Damon and Pitt were worth a grin, and Clooney and Robert's roles were quite fun. All the insanity of 60's network TV & random efficient killings in random Eastern bloc countries - who could ask for more? Who cares if it's real or not and if Barris was lying? I didn't - it's a movie!! What is historically fascinating is the Gong Show's unofficial status as the harbinger of that sludgy giant we call reality television. Sam Rockwell was excellent too - who is this guy? Definitely watch this - it's a must see if you like Kaufman's style.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
See it.
Wow. They finally pulled it off.. This movie is 10 years in the making, as can of course be seen in the end of 1993's "...To Hell". But they really did it right this time. Other than a few moments of iffy dialogue here and there...("Freddy's afraid of fire. Jason's afraid of water. How can we use that?"), this movie pulls no punches and is good in all the right ways: good slashings, good sharp dialogue, nice references to both backstories that will certainly please fans (although the actress playing Jason's Mom is no Betsy Palmer, but what can ya do? - they should have brought Amy Steel back somehow...ah, well....) The dream sequences were very true to the Freddy movies and the Jason scenes were excellent. As all fans were, I was hesitant about them dropping our boy Kane, but that will be soon forgotten. This Jason is just as good if not better having absorbed all of Kane's lessons...(the perplexed head tilt, etc...) -VERY MILD SPOILERS- The rave/party scene out in the middle of the some cornfield was an absolute stroke of dramatic irony genius. I've got a serious question here for people - if you can answer once you've seen it, email me. The pudgy guy in the rave scene looks and acts a whole hell of a lot like "Franklin" in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, especially as he's chased thru the corn. Given that there's a remake coming out (I think by New Line) I wonder if this is intentional. Anybody else get that? Anyway, definitely satisfied my expectations. You like these movies at all? GO SEE THIS - BLOW UP THE BOX OFFICE SO THE SUITS SEE THEIR WAY TO GIVING US MORE OF THESE!!!
Criminal Act (1989)
not as criminal as the other reviewers would seem to have you believe
This is not that bad for an eighties horror. I had to weigh in because of the overwhelming amount of bad reviews. Yes, the premise of odd tunnels directly under a newspaper building containing a Ratman (who does look a bit like Tiny Tim) and a bunch of jailed homeless people is not only stupid, but barely even coherent here. But it has quite a bit of camp value with John Saxon, Catherine Bach and Mel from Mel's Diner in the 70's sitcom Alice. Enjoyable little hour and a half flight for genre fans. That is, admittably bad 80's horror fans.
Mean Johnny Barrows (1975)
Go Roddy! Go Elliot!
OK. Just had to put in a comment that those who speak English would fully understand. I don't know about you, but I don't know what "one mean of a dull movie" means. It's a shame when people don't bother to use the language correctly- the other reviewer seems fairly smart in other ways.
This is a dull movie, I grant you. I have it as part of a 4-DVD set called, "Mean Muthas & Bad Brothas." Or maybe it's the other way around. I'm not sure - I bought the set of four movies for 4.98. And it was well worth that. The cheapest I've ever seen of a notoriously cheap genre, this film is slow, barely coherent and full of things that don't make sense. On the other hand,it has Fred Williamson (and was apparently directed by him), Roddy McDowall (playing a Fredo-type, actually a pretty out-of-body performance, it was surprising to realize it was him, although I was looking for him) and Elliot Gould in a very strange but brief "special appearance" as a homeless yet extremely dapper fellow. Hey whatever - it's an incredibly bad blaxploitation film. If that sounds funny to you and you don't spend much money, go for it.
Lady Cocoa (1975)
Speak, Mean Joe, speak!
Another extreme cheapo blaxploit.... Mean Joe Green, who I primarily remember for his enthusiatic endorsement of Coca-cola in the 80's, plays a hit-man flunkie for a pimp/drug dealer, and though because of his semi-celebrity status he is given top billing, he was apparently not trusted to pull off even one speaking line. Not one word the whole movie. Pretty incredible. This is basically crap - hard to watch unless you enjoy very bad slow movies. Lola Falana seems to be quite the firecracker, but this story of her one day of freedom before she testifies on her ex-boyfriend (the aforementioned pimp/dealer ) for the FBI doesn't hold anyone's interest.
To me there was some real confusion (mainly due to bad editing, scripting and directing) on whether or not the fat old cop was straight or corrupt.
Non si sevizia un paperino (1972)
Best all-around Fulci/Argento/Bava (giallo,etc.) I've had the fortune to see
I have watched most of Dario Argento's films - they are beautiful, in particular Suspiria is a haunting experience. Yet all of Argento's work, including that masterpiece, have a nightmarish, fragmented quality that is definitely a learned taste for an American viewer. The dialogue is sometimes meaningless, the dubbing can be careless, the characterizations flimsy, etc. You can certainly look past that and enjoy the hell out of those films, because they are artful in a way that cannot be equalled.
Now for the most part Fulci seemed to me to be sort of a pale imitator of Argento - most of his later films have all of the above qualities in an even more magnified manner. I have seen Fulci's From Beyond, City of The Living Dead, The Gates Of Hell, House by the Cemetery, Zombi, Manhattan Baby & New York Ripper. Well, now I have seen Don't Torture a Duckling and it has beat all. It is easily the most accessible, coherent film in this genre that I have seen, including Argento's straight giallo early works, like Bird with Crystal Plumage and Cat O' Nine Tails. The reviewers below speak the truth, save about three scenes, there is little gore - this is much more of a straight murder mystery.
If you can find this, buy it. Easily Fulci's best, possibly best in genre. A Goldie.
Manhattan Baby (1982)
Fulci Baby!
Hey - it's 1980 and Mr. Fulci wishes to do something 'not so horror'. So he created this tale about an Egyptian amulet which brings terrible tragedy to a New York family. I've seen about 15 of these Italian post-giallo horrors now from Fulci, Bava and of course, Argento. I found this one to be relatively well-dubbed and paced. In other words, the pace wasn't infintessimal and the actors didn't break from Italian into dubbed English and vice versa. For all I know, this was recorded in English given its title. Anyway, the two children in the film are strikingly eerie, remniscent of Village of the Damned's little miscreants, though the boy's voice seems very off (the only exception to my comment about the dubbing)- check out his first few lines in the park in "Manhattan"! Hilarious! The plot, while somewhat draggy as all of these films are (other societies don't demand a new scene every 2.5 minutes and either dialogue or action at all times it seems), it's not that slow. Of course these films are often watched for the unflinching depictions of gore that Italians are not afraid to deliver, and while the violence is a bit more subtle in this one than most, there are three scenes which will satisfy this type of viewer. Ultimately, this film's worst trait is its attempt at more 'psychological' horror in my opinion. However, it is not bad - as long as you are used to these Italians and their significantly different motivations and backgrounds from American directors. Oh, and as you might expect from Fulci, the cinematography is spellbinding at times.
Teenage Monster (1957)
camp gold
Hey - it's a 50's horror movie, what can we expect, kids?
This one is truly original in that it actually combines werewolves, meteors, and the Old West. However, the sci-fi aspect (meteors) is particularly tenuous - the 'meteor' appears to be a lit sparkler held close to the camera in soft focus. And the 'grown-up' Charles is just unbelievable, even if he is a werewolf - it's seven years later, but he looks at least 40. But if you can deal with 50'd Sci-Fi - you'll find this fun. Nice comment on manipulative women as well -actually a fairly coherent, if more than a bit far out - plot.
Matt Helm: Matt Helm (1975)
70's heaven
Caught this pilot for the TV series presumably created from the Dean Martin spy movie series just the other day on the Action channel... Wow! Good stuff. Tony Fransciosa (whom you might know from Argento's Tenebre) plays the smarmy title character, a P.I. who used to work for a "top Secret' portion of US Intelligence called "The Machine."
He harasses this one grumpy cop all the time, he is, of course, an insufferable ladies' man, but his main squeeze (who seems to half-tolerate his meanderings) is "Kronski" a beautiful and powerful city prosecutor. He drives a Porche and lives in a typically modern California house. The plot is typically mindless -something about arms being sold to Africa and finding the supposed killer of 'Maggie Gantry's' father. Ms. Gantry is played by Ann Turkel, whom Corman fans may remember from the original "Humanoids from the Deep," and is quite pleasant to look at. Though some of his macho lines didn't quite come off, I thought Fransciosa did a good job. Anyone who likes vintage 70's TV style and action - check it out.
Nuda per Satana (1974)
Much better than the narrow (though attention getting) title suggests
Other than a dim caped figure who is a voyeur and laughs menacingly, there doesn't appear to be a "Satan" in this movie, nor is there that much nudity - although there is a good bit. Actually, this is a gothic italian horror film with alot of style to spare. Granted , it's rather unsubtle style, like slowly rotating the camera from left to right and back to skew the picture and presumably 'unsettle' the viewer. Nonetheless, it's an attempt to truly create an arty film, with lots of colors and striking images. Though the story is slow and confusing for a bit, that's pretty standard for what I have seen of Italian films of this genre. Not to constantly throw out comparisons to Argento just because he is the Italian director I am most familiar with, but this is definitely in that vein, without quite as much directorial talent but a little more acting talent and story cohesion. The print is decent on the DVD, and I think my cheap DVD player switched to dubbed English from the Italian when I restarted the movie after a break (it tends to reset the subtitle choice for some crazy reason), so I got the effect of both - go with the Italian.
The Human Tornado (1976)
What more can be said?
Having just seen Dolemite, I can easily attest that this one is purely funnier. I will watch Disco Godfather soon, which is argued by some to be better still, while many claim Tornado to be the best.
The racist cop cliches - GOLD. Dolemite leaping off an ivy covered hill, actually stopping the film, reversing it twice w/ a voiceover to "prove" that he really did it - GOLD. All the hallmarks of a GOOD bad movie. Really over the top, ridiculous fun. My only complaint is one too many shots of Rudy Ray's ass. And Caveletti's main squeeze, who is gratuitously nude more often than any other woman in the film, is a 40 plus white woman who is sagging in all the wrong places - couldn't a straight up pimp like Rudy Ray get something a little less 'local?' Oh, wait, he really isn't a pimp or for that matter, anything he claims to be in this movie. His interpretation of Kung Fu is hilarious.
American Psycho II: All American Girl (2002)
That 70's Psycho
Well, it was a sure thing that Mila Kunis couldn't pull this off - what an odd choice. She's allright, but there are moments when she seems confused about how she's supposed to emote. And yes, I realize she's supposed to be a sociopath, so she's supposed to be mixed up - nonetheless - there are moments when she looks shaken when she shouldn't and so forth. She just doesn't have the presence to pull the bad girl act off. Also , and this is purely superficial, she isn't even as hot as she is (was?) on That 70's show. Nowhere near. I'm afraid this girl is growing out of her golden age already. Now of course the voice over ruins this film, as has been touched on. It's not that well written, to say the least. And her voice is too annoying - precisely why she was likely cast as the snotty dumb sexy girl on That 70's show. Doesn't work. A couple of the killings are inventive and the revelation at the end kind of neatens up the film to some extent. It's not quite, as many say, at the level of one of the teen films. It's better than that, but it does shame to the original and it's not by any means great.
New Year's Evil (1980)
Not Bad, Just EVIL!!!!
My, this has always been one of my faves of the genre. It is really quite ridiculous, but fairly 'twisty' for a run-of-the mill slasher. Kip Niven is in my opinion, very good as the killer who switches personas to fit in different environments in order to kill on his timetable. Grant Cramer, who was destined for nothing more than soap fame, has a handsome yet creepy face, especially after he forces that red hose over it. Roz Kelly does look truly unattractive - but then look at her audience! Those 'LA punkers' bobbing and weaving in the audience are unintentionally reminiscent of George Romero's creations...check out their 'dancing'!
Yet I have always found the best part of the film to occur in the beginning, the first time the killer calls into the radio show. He announces that his name is "Evil" in a very odd voice courtesy of a voice manipulation machine. He is dead serious, and Roz on the other end is slightly chilled, but tries to play along: "Yeah, you're bad, you're real bad." At which point he cuts her off, still deadly serious: "NOOOO! Just EVIL!!!" It's truly hilarious if you appreciate that sort of thing.
Enjoyable for the genre.
The Black Scorpion (1957)
Good 'ol 50's Nuke Horror
You know, I am only 27 but I cringe when people state how bad 50's special effects were. THAT IS ALL THEY HAD, PEOPLE. What's more, audiences, having never seen anything more realistic, were flabbergasted by these very effects! They were more than adequate! In fact, the friendly Robert Osbourne on TCM informs us that one of the things that makes The Black Scorpion one of the more-watched 50's Sci-fi's is the fact that a renowned effects man, known for his work in the original King Kong , worked on this film. And to my eyes, the effects are indeed superior to many of this era/genre I have seen. This despite the fact that all of the close-ups of the scorpion are in the same place, that the wide angle shots of the creature look completely different than the ones using the puppet, etc.
Take this for what it is. Good 'ol 50's nuke horror: helping America come to terms with a nuclear reality, in this case financed by a major studio so script and acting are marginally better than most. But a fifties movie is a fifties movie, people. Don't judge it by today's standards. You've got to completely lose that framework to enjoy these things. Seen in those terms, these things are marvelous. Try watching the original Thing for a start.
Womaneater (1958)
Jungle Goddess meets It conquered the World
This is an enjoyable British 50's sci-fi film. More knowledgeable buffs have exhausted the actor references, so let me suffice to say that this film is slow, even by 50's standards, and a tad disjointed. But if you're interested in that good old quaint 50's vision of horror, then it's definitely worth a gander. Funny carnival scenes and several London street scenes from that era, including double decker buses advertising cream crackers and Van Heusen shirts. The whole intro in the jungle is almost needless, as it is never quite explained that the doctor brings back the native with him, who willingly stays with him for years even though we learn later (minor SPOILER) that he's not really all that fond of him. Seems kind of a long playout for a joke, to me. And the scenes of the girls being hypnotized by the wild and uneven bongo playing of said heathen were hard to swallow, especially as they seem to wake up right before they are pushed into the "Womaneater" and start screaming and resisting. And of course there's the silly looking Womaneater tree, comparable to the invading pickle in "It conquered the World." (Hence my catchy title.) So - although most of you won't find this little ditty at your local 'grope and mope'(Blockbuster), if you do run into it, AND you like 50's movies for what they were - BY ALL MEANS watch this movie.
True Stories (1986)
Rather dull Stories
Knowing Byrne's penchant for weirdness laced with genius and having recently reconsidered my opinion of this iconic 80's group (thanks to Trey A. and the boys - thanks for opening my eyes fellas), I decided to check this out. At first I was heartened as Byrne's intro promised a Waiting for Guffman - like experience. Now let me pause and say that the mockumentary - especially when penned by Christopher Guest - may be my favorite new genre. But True Stories did not live up. It just meanders and finally peters out. I don't need a grand coincidental climax, or even deep characters - I currently find myself fascinated with 50's giant monster films. But I need something more than this windsock of a film offered - some subtle shade of meaning. This just sort of died three-quarters of the way through. As well, the lack of funky, full-on Heads music was disappointing - sure you have Wild Wild Life, and the song the preacher raps to is nice - but I hoped for more. See it if you haven't - it keeps you awake - but in my opinion, this film needed to be thought through just a tiny bit more before going to production.
Empire of the Ants (1977)
Good times if you like the genre
Like one reviewer says, (and I paraphrase) this is an Arkoff/Nicholson/ Bert I Gordon film, people - lighten up! Did you seriously expect Academy material (not that that means anything) out of a film called "Empire of The Ants?" Yes, the effects are laughable, yes the acting, and especially the reactions to the ants, are hilarious. It's all in good fun. I just love that grainy 70's print and the actors forging ahead despite the ridiculousness of it all. I personally think that credible acting in a film like this is a whole lot harder than a typical 'dramatic' production. I mean, how much harder would it be to get into the 'zone' and understand your motivations with something this silly? An absolute must watch for fans of bad movies. Especially if 70's bad movies really get ya. Similar titles: Squirm, Frogs, Tentacles. Anybody know any more good obscure 70's eco-horror? Please email me.
Liquid Sky (1982)
WAIT FOR IT...
Wow...watched the first 10 minutes of this and thought it was the worst thing I'd ever seen. The music is positively migraine inducing and the lighting is blinding. But it shapes up. There is great dialogue and very thoughtful situations. Worth a watch. Just hang in there for the first ten or so minutes-it gets better. Anne Carlisle is hot - it takes a while to see it , but she is. Check out the photo montage from her "connecticut days' - you'll see what I mean if you can't already see through the crazy hair, makeup and attitude. The final scenes are a doozy. Heady stuff - no pun intended.
Invasion, U.S.A. (1952)
Get out of that bar!
Interesting that the first 30 minutes of this cheapie are ALL set in a thinly disguised set of a bar. Then we get lots of stock footage of London during the blitz. Funny at times (especially with the help of Mike and the Bots) but dreadfully dull most of the time. WATCH MST3K!!! CATCH THE WAVE!!!
Il gatto a nove code (1971)
Wow! Argento with a plot!!
Look I love Argento's directing, don't get me wrong; but sometimes even the most dedicated Argento fan who grew up with "American" films (for better or worse)has to wince at the lifeless acting and less than stringy plotlines in his films. This was different. One of Salvatore's projects and one of Dario's earliest (right after the success of Bird with the Crystal Plumage, apparently) it had a screenplay written for it that kept me mystified right here in the year 2001. Things of course moved slowly at times - this is an Italian film in 1971 after all, but of course the cinematography is phemomenal and the story is compelling. Also, there are some really great lines of dialogue that had me cracking up. i bought the DVD off Ebay and so my copy was pretty darn good. Check this one out if you get the rare chance. Good stuff.
Village of the Giants (1965)
A sniveling, constipated Beau Bridges! Yay!
This film opens with a group of presumably drugged out teens emerging from their rather badly wrecked automobile, only to dance around it maniacally and flop in the mud. Before long, one of them gets the idea to "go into town and make a little noise" or some such rot, and the fun begins when they run into giant ducks in the local dance parlor. These giants are the product of a goo accidentally created by a Opie-era "Ronny" Howard, who goes by the 'nickname' genius.
Amazingly, a sniveling Beau Bridges is the gangleader and they find the goo and dare each other to eat it, then halfheartedly try to run the town. See the spineless Tommy Kirk bust a rigged chair on a giant fake leg!!
See Beau Bridges and the fairly hot Toni Basil and another hot girl traipse around in curtain-like toga-sarongs! See director Bert I. Gordon make even more of an ass out of himself than ever and feel his ire as Mike and the bots tear him to shreds as usual! Laugh along as Tom Servo wrestles with his aversion to the movie "Willow", which he fantasizes was budding in young Ronny Howard's mind even then! And through it all, thrill to the exhilarating surf tones of the fabulous Beau Brummels! At least it's in technicolor.
The Thing (1982)
One of the greatest.
This is an absolutely brilliant modern day horror. Combines incredible special effects with one of the scariest situations imaginable. The tautness of the film is astounding; the tone is constantly tense due to the story's inherently suspenseful nature. There is no comic relief, no oops...just a cat scenes - just constant paranoia. 20 minutes into the film, you realize that absolutely anything could happen at anytime. There is absolutely no way to predict what will transpire - the possibilities are endless. One of the most open-ended incredible plots ever, and beautifully filmed by Carpenter and realized by Rob Bottin (note the thank you to none other than Stan Winston at the end of the film.) Yes thank you Stan. The effects are amazing - especially for the time - but as another reviewer has aptly stated, they are always secondary to the story. And of course Keith David rocks. Russell and Brimley put on fine performances as well.
Coma (1978)
Wow! Shockingly good for late 70's thriller cinema!!
Man, I had no idea what a good time I was in for with this one. Chrichton, a young Douglas, Tom Selleck in a minor (but important!) role, and I believe that's a very young Ed Harris playing a morgue attendant/medical examiner. His line about his wife is one of the funniest in the film. But seriously, this is very good and very overlooked. Tight construction, buildup, excellent characterization, swift and unpredicatble plot turns and visually striking scenes. I don't know how they created the "Institute's" main "storage facility". If you think about the actors involved in that one, you have to be impressed. And as another comment points out, the chase scene that ends in the freezer room is excellent; creepy and visceral. The killer , who is really just a hit man for whoever is behind 'the conspiracy' is suitably athletic, anonymous, and menacing. His sole line : "They told me to make it look like an accident" is extremely scary and effective - when coupled with his actions during the maintenance man scene. Good writing, Michael. Ane the suspense during the finale, well they just don't make'em like this anymore. Very enjoyable.
Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)
Moonshine, creepy general stores, adultery and giant encephalopods!! YAY!!
I have yet to see the MST3K version, and I'm sure it will be hilarious, but frankly, this sticks out as a movie that is not quite bad enough for their taste, and as much is admitted in their book. Yes, the Leech is obviously two guys in painted raincoats, yes some of the acting is wooden and the southern characters stereotyped and hilarious, but the plot moves along fairly well, and for a Corman production, the screenplay is pretty tight. I enjoyed this. Worth a serious watch. One of the few pieces of MST fodder that it is possible to watch by itself. Oh, and that Liz character is hottest women I've seen in a black and white movie EVER. Until the end of course: she looks pretty rough at that point.
Final Justice (1984)
More sausage for your money!
The MST3K print of this is, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest things they have ever done. I was on the floor. That is primarily the fault of the movie itself, though. OK, we've got a Texas "Indian" (despite the name Geronimo, which I thought was just an amusing nickname, I had no idea he was supposed to be Indian until the end). He lumbers around and when challenged, says, "You think you can take me? ....Go 'head 'on. It's your move." Possibly the stupidest catch phrase ever. The plot keeps going in the same circle - Joe Don is told by someone to let things alone, he doesn't, he manages to destroy something or someone, he is hauled back into an office of authority, lectured, and told not to do it again. Then he sneers and goes and does it again. As seems to be typical of Joe Don in these years (see Mitchell), he intentionally plays his hero as a clumsy, close-minded, stupid but dogged individual. I mean, I appreciate realism, but I don't exactly want to see my hero hit his head on ceiling posts, stumble over tables, or dribble food down his shirt. Let's leave those little enticing details of the human condition out of a two hour film. Man, this movie is packed with laughs...see it if you can, preferably MST version, but this one is so 'good bad' that you can pretty easily supply the commentary yourself, even if you don't consider yourself a renowned wit.