Change Your Image
ejwells-2
Reviews
The Girl Next Door (2007)
Spoilers, but who really cares?
This MAY have started out as a good novel. I'll never know, as after seeing this abysmally bad film...and I do mean BAD, I'd never read the book. Not even if it was the only book left on earth to read. This film is SO incredibly badly scripted, amateurishly acted, and just downright sick and stupid, it boggles the mind. No WONDER it got no theatrical release, and no WONDER it took 9 years to find an idiot to finance it. Aside from being just plain unpleasant, the performances are LAUGHABLY bad, and the dialog is just plain idiotic. On just about every level imaginable, this is amongst the worst films I've ever seen. Do yourself a huge favor, skip it.
No Country for Old Men (2007)
Brilliance, Pure And Simple
I love reading through the negative comments on IMDb. Obviously the lion's share of these reviews are left by dimwitted folks who really ought to leave movies made for adults TO adults, and the others are left by plain old idiots who wouldn't know quality cinema if it bit them on the arse. Being a huge McCarthy fan, and a huge Coen Brothers fan, I went into the theater with incredibly high expectations, and I was given more than I expected. That's no small feat. Perfectly cast, perfectly lensed, and perfectly scripted, this might be the Coen's best film, which is a MAMMOTH statement. I'm hoping that some other good film makers will take heed, and we'll see a rash of McCarthy novels brought to the screen at long last. I see Ridley Scott is taking on Blood Meridian, which certainly has some promise. Meanwhile, run to the theater to see this. Completely disregard the negative reviews that are on this site. Take those comments for what they are. Misguided opinions from fools who ought to stick to Michael Bay films.
Zzyzx (2006)
Best Indie Film I've Seen In A Decade...or Two...Or Three
Zzyzx is, simply put, possibly the best independent film I've seen in a long long time. Period. By any standards, it's a great film. It's well written, well acted, and (especially considering it's budget constraints) well directed. Do yourself a favor, and put this one in your NetFlix queue, and then spread the word. It's the fact that occasional films that are this electric get MADE that keeps me scouring the shelves of video stores, and reading independent film reviews online. In a world where The Blair Witch Project becomes a multi million dollar maker, it's a criminal shame that this gem has stayed under the radar for so long. Help bring it up where it belongs. Support independent film!
Chingoo (2001)
How to Humble 99% of American Directors
This film is simply brilliant. Makes Scorsese's Goodfellas look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (no offence, Marty...but this is even better than the film you decided to remake). I was spellbound from the opening scene til the end credits. I love a "span the generations" gangster film. This one is truly on par with the Godfather part 2, if not (dare I say it) better? Director/writer Kyung-taek Kwak proves himself a major force in Korean cinema, and I'm sure has even ruffled the feathers of the great Chan-wook Park with this one (well, maybe not "ruffled," as Park has since directed Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, Lady Vengeance, and I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK, and Kwak has fallen to "Typhoon.") That all said, at least we know he has it in him, even if it was just a fluke. Certainly the best Asian film of 2001. 9 of 10 stars.
A History of Violence (2005)
Obviously MANY just don't get it
It's humorous to read the negative comments on this film. I guess there's really no getting away from dunces posting reviews. It's all part of the game, and, quite frankly, the major percentage of movie goers are basically dunces, only impressed by some glossy Joel Schumacher, or Michael Bay dreck. But, happily, for the rest of us there are directors like David Cronenberg, Chan-wook Park, Takashi Miike, Takeshi Kitano, etc. who make films that are original, thought provoking, and challenging. A History of Violence is one such film, and possibly the best English language film of 2005. Absolutely pitch perfect performances from the entire cast (special nod to the great William Hurt, with what might be the best supporting performance of the year), and to Viggo for stretching a bit. The script is great too, but the film (no shock here) achieves it's greatness from Mr. Cronenberg, who NEVER disappoints, ALWAYS surprises, and often reinvents elements of the craft. To those who don't get it, stick with Die Hard and the ilk. Leave the real cinema to the adults.
Sherrybaby (2006)
Like an R Rated After School Special
OK, admittedly Maggie Gyllenhaal does do a fine job, but the story is rather by-the-numbers, full of clichés, and stereotypes. No one in real life is this dumb, are they? I mean "Hey, I think I'll hook up with the 55-year-old Native American I met at an AA Meeting. That'll probably curie favor with my P.O., and help me get my daughter back!" Then..."Oooopsy, my dad is massaging my breasts at a family gathering!" The writer has to have SOMEONE to blame for her evil ways. I mean, we need to feel sorry for this poor tortured soul, yes? Might do well on the Lifetime Channel, if they dumb it down (is that POSSIBLE) a tad, and I can CERTAINLY see why it didn't get wide theatrical release. Plays like an R rated after school special. Pretty dull.
Kansen (2004)
Asia Extreme. Extremely BAD, that is
Bottom tier J-horror nonsense serves as a prime example that not ALL horror films from Japan are masterpieces. Matter of fact, it seems that they churn out junk like this just BECAUSE there's a fascination here in the States with anything made over there. This particular dud is EXTREME-ly poorly acted and scripted. I mean, it's simply terrible. And, aside from some green and red light splashed here and there, it's not even CREEPY, which is the LEAST you'd expect from a J-horror film. Yet...still some seem to like this, and I'm just one small voice. I nearly ejected it 3 times, but decided to give it the benefit of the (extreme) doubt. All in all, I'm glad I saw it. It's good to have the bottom tier perspective.
Freak Out (2004)
Worst Film I've Seen In A While
The film makers try to go for an early Peter Jackson/Troma vibe here, and fall flat on their faces. I was shocked at how unfunny, unoriginal, poorly acted, poorly shot, poorly written, and poorly directed this film is. I know there was little to no budget for this dud, but I've seen better films at student film shows at our local University. I'm baffled by the press this dog has gotten. It's possible (though highly unlikely) that I just didn't get it. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. I'm asking the dude at the video store for a free rental, and I'm sure he'll give it to me. I'll get Shaun of the Dead again, which is a thousand times better than this turkey.
1-Ichi (2003)
Bottom Of The Barrel Junk
Quite possibly the worst film I've ever seen, especially considering it's not even a FILM, but rather a shot on digital video, no budget, poorly acted, poorly directed, and poorly scripted amateur fest from beginning to end. I can't fathom why others on this site have given this decent reviews. This high school level project was obviously a failed plan to cash in on the success of Takashi Miike's film, which, in case you're too thick to figure it out, has EVERYTHING to do with Takashi Miike, and little to do with story. This piece of crap should be left to rot in the bargain bins. I wouldn't accept a free copy of it. Utter crap. Don't waste your time on this dud. What's next, some idiot with a video camera doing a prequel to Audition?
H (2002)
H is for Half baked
The fact of the matter is this. Just because a film is released under the Tartan Asia Extreme banner, that's no guarantee that it'll be "extreme," or even particularly good. Mind you, I've seen far worse films than H. It's better than America's similarly themed "Copycat," for instance. Then again, what isn't? H is a decent nod to superior serial killer films (Manhunter/Red Dragon, Se7en, to name a couple), but is essentially just a popcorn film. I usually take a chance on anything that flies the Tartan Asia Extreme banner, and I don't regret seeing this film, it's just that it needs to be said that not all films made in Asia are masterpieces.
Disco Pigs (2001)
Meandering, Pretentious, and Boring
I guess like Jessica Lynch, Kirsten Sheridan figured she could ride daddy's coat tails to the status of instant-auteur. Well...not in my book. I'd be shocked if this massive dud gets any attention whatsoever, aside from the usual "we love anything that sucks" crowd of nose-in-the-air art-house frequenting naval-gazing clods, who wouldn't know quality cinema if it bit them on the arse. Runt and Pig. Pig and Runt. I love you Pig. Happy birthday Runt. Good God.
The actors themselves do what they can with the crappy material, and are both fairly talented. But even GREATt actors couldn't come close to saving this terribly dull (and amateurishly lensed) bore-o-rama from it's current status...a film that gets rented maybe once a year from the maybe 10 video stores that actually have it, and only because the title itself would lead one to believe this film would have something going for it...like a small amount of humor amidst the meandering, pretentious, and boring goings on. No such luck. Do yourself a favor and skip it.