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Reviews
Danni and the Vampire (2020)
Good?
Starts out good, gets kinda slow / tedious. But ends on a high note. Really good acting. Decent story. Some mediocre effects, ie blood. Quirky characters abound. It's one of those low budget indie films that tries really hard. And succeeds on numerous occasions. The vampires wearing head wraps and carrying umbrellas during the day is great. The vampire doctor saving the patient and eyeing the blood bag (plasma?) was a nice touch. Them exposing / trapping the priest with a go pro was an interesting part. Overall this is an enjoyable low budget indie feature. Original story and interesting take on vampires. I'm not gonna rewatch this anytime soon, but I'd recommend this to people who like quirky indie films.
The Haunting of Julia Fields (2023)
First
I'm the first rating and review! Weird. Low budget thriller I guess? It has capable actors, the lead is cute and does a decent job. The story is kind of bland and boring. Not much happens, not much suspense or intrigue. She hears a noise, investigates, calls the land lord, he shows, looks around. Rinse and repeat several times. She calls her friend. She has dreams about the landlord showing up, he shows up. He sets some traps, she calls her friend again, she goes to the beach, she hears a noise, she has a shower (no nudity you creeps!). I rated it a four which is maybe a little generous? I wouldn't recommend it to anyone but it's in not the worst thing ever. Just boring.
Zombie Island Massacre (1984)
Watch the trailer skip the movie
Seriously do yourself a favour and learn from my mistake, just watch the trailer and skip the movie! Every interesting / good moment is in the trailer! This is an early Troma movie, and a bad one at that. Very little zombies, very little massacre and a bit of some island? It's super boring with a non existent plot, drab characters and nonsensical dialogue. There is some occasional nudity but that is not enough to save this movie. I spent 75% of this shopping on Amazon! The trailer is really good and is totally misleading in that it makes it out to be action packed, it is not, it's peoples conversing and wandering through the forest for an eternity! Skip it! Trust me!
Bloody Summer Camp (2021)
Okay
I rounded it up to a four, cause it's probably a 3.5 in my opinion. Which is low for a slasher for me. It's low budget and what you'd expect for this type of movie. Obviously someone on the crew got a new drone for Christmas! I did laugh at the Cop interrogation scene for some dumb reason, lots of 80s references for old dudes like me. But why on earth was this over 2 hours? Why? Was this directed by Kevin Costner? Someone should cut this down to about 80 minutes and it would have been way better! So much unnecessary filler! A few too many throwbacks / references to Sleepaway Camp but I guess with the star of that in this that makes sense to me. For Camp Slasher fans only!
Paradise Lost (2006)
First rating and review???
I'm the first to rate an review a movie from 2006, in 2022? Was this just released? Was it sitting in someone's desk for 17 years? Shaking stuttering video was distracting, watched it on Tubi but only parts were like this, so maybe it's an issue with the original video? Anyway, low budget shot on video slasher that's got lots of babes in bikinis and topless scenes, some good low budget gore, paint by numbers "plot". Acting is decent for low budget slasher. Definitely recommend to fans of low budget slashers only! I half enjoyed it. But can't rate higher than a 3!
Ouija Mummy (2019)
Don't, just don't
Props to them for making a "movie" and getting it out there. But just because you can make "movie" doesn't mean you should! It was 61 minutes too long.
Lukas' Child (1993)
Trash
Watched under the title "Night of the Beast". Really strange that they scanned and panned and cropped out all the boob shots! I don't really care but it was a definite distraction, maybe this was a tv edit? Either way seeing some boobs wouldn't save this thing.
Titanic 666 (2022)
I wouldn't recommend but-
I enjoyed it. It was stupid kind of fun. I was impressed that the actors were able to deliver such lines as "I can't control the controls!" And "Mayday! This is the titanic 3!". Just low budget cheese abound. No real gore or nudity, just silly simple filter like ghost face stuff.
I Know What You Did Last Summer: Your Next Life Could Be So Much Happier (2021)
Forgot I finished it
Seriously, about 10 hours later I was like "oh, I have to finish the last episode!". Oh, wait I already did. That's how much it stuck with me. This isn't that bad, it's just forgettable and mediocre. That's all.
The Hunt (2021)
Bad
I can forgive bad acting. I can forgive low budget. I can forgive an unoriginal plot. But I can't forgive this movie. One decent character I was rooting for gets killed real early. This is like 12 years late to the "torture porn" party, which I didn't care for. If you're down for low budget pointless torture, this may be for you. But probably not. This is bad.
Death Trip (2021)
Bad
Plus one star for being Canadian. Subtracted 7 stars for the painfully boring first 1 hour 25 minutes. It's nothing against the actors they had very little to work with, it's just boring as heck!
The Corridor (2010)
Fake bald guy
Yes, fake balding clown hair guy, that's what you're in for. 50 minutes in and nothing happens, the actors can't do anything with the boring dialogue. Just plain boring. Watching cardboard cut outs of people would be more entertaining. What's in the woods? Who cares.
Sorority House (2020)
Wow
Blood Pi, as in short for Bloody Pile of Poop? It's like a high schooler made this and cast their 40 something year old parents and their parents friends as "hot college" students. The gore is okay, but not shot or edited in any competent way. A budget of $120k? I think the makers spent maybe $5k and pocketed the rest. It's not the worst thing I've ever seen, but it's terrible. And they have a costume party every night and wear the same costumes? The killer is standing directly in front of someone and they swing the axe and completely miss by swinging like four feet to their left? I guess they missed a shot or edit there, huh. If you want to lose some brain cells, check it out!
Dirty Work (2018)
Terrible
Total waste of time, even if it's just over an hour long. I feel for the actors who aren't even the worst, it's just that the inept writing and directing that drag this garbage into the deepest depths of the unwatchable abyss. Avoid!
Without Remorse (2021)
How to make this better?
Scrap the Tom Clancy stuff, so just change some names and the title, and recast Nicholas Cage in the lead and this is 10/10! I was just imagining Cage saying some of those lines "I'm a pawn who's gonna kill a king." Coulda been gold! Instead this is just average action movie garbage that is completely forgettable. I subtracted a star because it's offensive to Clancy fans like myself. Action scenes are fine but everything thing else is junk.
Fried Barry (2020)
Slacker meets Under the Skin but bad
I had to fast forward through the last 45 minutes. I hated this movie. I can understand that some people may enjoy this, but it did nothing for me other than bore the crap out of me. I normally enjoy movies that are "different" and don't follow the normal tropes, but I'd recommend just watching Under the Skin or Slacker instead, they are both far superior films!
Bliss (2019)
It's okay
The main drawback for me is the lead, nothing against the actress herself, she does a commendable job. It's just that, for me, I felt no connection at all with the character. She was annoying as heck. When she goes on her many rants about how people are ripping her off and how she's so talented and going get revenge, it reminded me of those people you encounter and hope you'll never meet again. This is well made with great effects and visuals. But for me it's just blah, when there are no likeable characters to be found...obviously that is what they were going for, but it wasn't for me. I would have enjoyed this far more if she had had some redeeming qualities, I wanted to root for her, but I didn't, and I ended up losing all interest. It's a visually interesting film that keeps you somewhat entertained.
Fingers (2019)
Just don't
One star for what I did watch, which was bad, and worst off boring as heck which is the worst thing a movie can be. I added one star as a benefit of the doubt as I fast forwarded through 90%.
Sleepaway Slasher (2020)
Awful
Only positive is some of the female leads seem like they have some talent. I feel embarrassed for them. This is just awful trash. Was half paying attention and it fully hurt my brain. So many problems with this, first off, NINE Directors? People flub lines and stammer at times, was that the best take available? It was trying to be something it couldn't possibly have achieved. It's got slasher in the title yet no slashing until over an hour in. It's way too long, way to convoluted. Please don't waste your time like I did. I watched for free and would still like my money back....avoid!