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Frank en Eva (1973)
Frank & Beans
Even if the leading man, Frank (Hugo Metsers) wasn't an effeminate, skinny, repulsive, Brussels sprout, with greasy receding hair and ridiculous sideburns, This movie would still suck.
Watching this movie is like taking a tour of the Netherlands, but only getting to see the worst parts of any of it. I'm not sure why this movie was made, or Wyatt hasn't been destroyed to save humanity from ever seeing it again, but both of those things should have happened, a completely repulsive, pointless movie with no redeeming values at all. Don't waste your time with this trash. I wish I could get my hour and 37 minutes back.
The Woman (2011)
Complete garbage
The women in this movie all seem like zombies. The family is completely unbelievable. The actor playing the dad is like an unfunny John C. Reilly. There's nothing at all to like in this movie. And a lot to dislike.
The character of the dad is just needlessly sadistic, and is a coward because he only seems to want to beat up the girl that can't defend herself. Nothing at all likable about this movie. Nothing. It's not even quirky, it's just stupid complete trash.
The premise is so unbelievable, and contrary to any human behavior that could be considered normal that the whole thing is just trash.
Porky's (1981)
A toxic mixture of tragedy and comedy.
I'm not sure why this movie is so popular. It's an early example of a trend in 1980s movies and television to combine comedy with tragedy. If you edited out all of the serious parts, it would be a comedy. If you edit out all of the comedy bits, it's a tragedy. Mixed together, however it is a confusing not entertaining experience.
Similar shows include "Ferris Bueller's Day off), which includes the disturbing story of Cameron's abusive father, And the episode of "family ties" in which Alex's friend dies in a car accident. Nobody wants disturbing stories woven into a comedy. Yet another example is the finale of MASH.
If it's a comedy, stick to comedy.
Yesterday (2019)
Fab Flop
A flawed, but interesting premise is wasted on the dull and dissatisfied film. How one man can somehow replace four men is a mystery, as is the cause of the blackout. After the premise is established, the movie drifts off into a generic, uninteresting love story. It is, if the writer could not make up his mind with the movie was about.
It would be a much better film. If it was for people, perhaps members of an unknown, unsuccessful band, suddenly became the worlds most famous musicians, each of the four could have their own tight story about the lives of their lives. But the ladder should be inside, in the main port should be the replacement.
Flight 7500 (2014)
Swing and a Miss
It's difficult to tell what the producers of this film were trying to do. What they ended up with is a convoluted mess of nonsense. This movie is like a jigsaw puzzle that promises to resolve into an interesting or even beautiful product but instead is missing several pieces and just ends up a bland and nonsensical mess. It's a shame because the acting snd production values are decent but the end product is lacking. No one cares about the characters or the motivation of the "spirit" causing issues. Decent acting and filming but nothing worth watching because of the lack of emotion inspired by the plot.
Charade (1963)
Ssssooooo Dull
I'm not exactly sure what this movie is, as it moves so slowly, I forgotten what happened earlier in the movie by the time the movie ended. I think it's about a father taking his daughter to Paris or something like that. Grant is annoyingly smug and Hepbern is a stick. Maybe in a stay this pastor entertainment, but not in the 21st-century.
To be fair, I never cared for either lead actor. In fact, I started watching the docudrama "Archie" and, after one episode, I figured out I never really liked Cary Grant.
And where does Audrey get that accent? Was she born in Philadelphia? I was born near Philadelphia and my accent is quite different from hers.
Archie: Episode #1.1 (2023)
Fractured Fairy Tale
Slow and disjointed. Factually inaccurate. I am only a passing fan of Cary Grant, and the first episode did nothing to further my interest. I'm also not a fan of background music that is obviously anachronistic to the period.
The acting is okay, nothing special. They did a pretty good job of matching the characters to actors that bear at least a passing resemblance. Grant comes off as an old, lecherous has-been in most of the scenes. This may be accurate but it does nothing to ingratiate the audience to the character of the historical person. Overall, I found little of interest and much to my annoyance.
The Sixth Secret (2022)
Good, at some level (?)
Oh my. My wife turned on this movie, and it first I was happy to see what I expected to be another movie very much like "Clue," of which I am a big fan. Very soon it became clear that this movie was at a different level. A much lower level. If I paid five dollars to see that at my local amateur theater, I would've been satisfied. But watching this, even at home for free, was painful. I'm not sure why anyone thought this collection of actors, dialogue, and plot had any chance at all of being a decent movie. The actors all seem sincere, and tried very hard, but the acting just doesn't come up to a professional level.
D-Railed (2018)
Genre Blender
This movie manages to combine several film genres while at the same time not coming up with any new ideas. Kinda like "Murder on the Orient Express" meets "Jaws" meets "Alien." The transition from one to the other is ponderous and frustrating.
The acting isn't terrible. The sound and lighting are good. The dialogue is mostly people screaming or calling out each others' names.
The "horror" relies heavily on startling the audience, but this rarely works because the scare is so obviously telegraphed before it happens. There's also a "it's only a dream" sequence that feels thrown in, as if were planted in order to elicit sympathy for one of the characters who does or doesn't die.
If I had paid $15 to see this at a movie theater I would have been disappointed, but spending a lazy Sunday afternoon watching this movie at home isn't a bad way to go.
The Mandela Effect (2019)
A valiant effort
Not perfect, but a fun and intriguing tale of the Mandela Effect. Very well acted by all involved, and well directed. This film definitely would appeal more to the science geeks who have a previous understanding of the Mandela Effect. I recommend that you Google "Mandela Effect" before you watch this movie. Otherwise the important plot points might not make much sense.
I'm not too sold on the whole "life is a computer simulation" concept but I do agree that our definition of "reality" is subjective. At any moment in time there are 8 billion people all perceiving their own reality. The only entity with a complete grasp of reality is God.
Magic (1978)
Unforgettable Film
I saw this movie when it was in the theaters 45 years ago. I thought about it occasionally whenever I saw another film starring Burgess Meredith, Ann-Margaret, or Anthony Hopkins. I was having trouble finding something interesting to watch, and decided to watch this movie again to see if I liked it as much as I did when I saw it years ago. I have to say, unlike many movies, this film exceeds my memory of it. Anthony Hopkins is performance is amazing, especially considering, he basically performs two rolls in this film. Burgess, Meredith is always good, and he is in this film as well. Ann-Margaret is beautiful, but her acting is just awful. Overall, this is a well acted, tense (if not tight) thriller, that is worth watching.
The Theatre Bizarre (2011)
Wow.
I wish all television could be this good. Awesome stories, acting, effects. I'm not sure why other ratings are so low. There is a reality here that few shows achieve. This is an accurate reflection of the human condition. Blunt, raw, horrific. This is the world we live in. Don't shy away from the truth.
Life is hard, horrible, and short. This is why only Jesus Christ is the only reason we have to live. God has given us an out from our horrific experience. We can overcome this broken world if we receive Jesus Christ as our savior and redeemer. All else is sinking sand. Praise God for his salvation..
40 Days and Nights (2012)
Not so bad
Clearly, this is not an A-list film, but I don't think it is as bad as the average user rating implies. I've seen far worse movies with higher ratings. The special effects are poor, and some of the acting is as well. However, I got the sense watching it that everyone involved in making this film was truly trying their hardest. No one was showboating or trying to upstage other actors. The plot was reasonably clear and focused throughout the film. It's not even really bad enough to riff on RiffTrax. While I would not pick it out of a list of movies to watch again, I didn't think it was so bad. If you watch it, be prepared to be gracious in your judgment of the quality of this movie.
In Cold Blood (1967)
Historical Fiction
Truman Capote, who authored the novel upon which this film was based, called his work a "non-fiction" novel. I think the label we would use today would be
"historical fiction." While there are many differences between the film and the novel, which are well described elsewhere, I think the film was very faithful to the novel. Also, it is a well-made film.
My issue is that the film, like the book, is soft on Perry Smith. He is portrayed in both the book and film as an intelligent, self-taught, and (at times) decent man, which I can accept. On the other hand, he cut the throat of a man and then shot the man and his wife and two children in the heads with a shotgun. Except for the scenes in which the murders are depicted (which probably last less than 30 seconds) when Smith is shown going berserk, neither the film (nor book) portrays Smith as what he was -- a cold-blooded psychopath. Even the murder scenes appear to excuse Smith for his acts because he was having a psychotic episode involving memories of the pain inflicted on him as a child and young man. Well, boo frickin' hoo.
We seemed to be being directed to the opinion that Smith was basically a good man that just "snapped," so he can't be blamed for what he couldn't control.
So, as a work of historical fiction, both the film and the book it is based on are very good. It's just not accurate history.
Mr. Harrigan's Phone (2022)
Typical Stephen King Tripe
This film is so typical of Stephen King's work, whether written or translated to film. The appeal to teenager angst through through the through fragile pop cultural references and thin social sensitivities are stock in trade for Stephen King. The acting is reasonable, the production values are adequate, but the story is hackneyed and pandering. Stephen King has squandered his talents to generate quantity over quality. He writes at a junior high school level because that is his office. He ranks among juvenile fiction writers like J. K. Rowling and Dean Koontz, but his work is not worthy of the attention of adults.
The Kennedys After Camelot: Episode #1.2 (2017)
Good television, bad history.
The dramatization of the death of Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick is based upon Ted Kennedy's statements made later. Most likely, Ted Kennedy was not in that car. He and Mary Joe were parked somewhere, doing things they shouldn't be doing, and Ted was spooked by what he thought might be a police cars headlights coming down the road. Ted jumps out of the car into the ditch and hides, after telling Mary Joe to drive down the road and then eventually come back and pick him up. Mary Joe did with Ted told her to do, but, being unfamiliar with the area, drove off the bridge and into the pond. Meanwhile, Ted gives up waiting for her and walks back to the party. He knows nothing about the accident, which is why he didn't report it for 10 hours until after his car was found with a dead woman inside of it. The best story the Kennedys could come up with was that Ted was driving Mary Jo to the ferry when the accident happened. That doesn't explain why Ted waited so long to report the incident, or why Mary Joe left her pocketbook and did not tell her friends at the party she was going home, and why she wasn't wearing panties when her body was found.
The Kennedys After Camelot: Episode #1.1 (2017)
Great cast....except...
I read the book, and I just started watching this seriesI just started watching this series, and so far so good. Katie Holmes is perfectly cast and, when this was filmed, was almost exactly the same age as Jackie Kennedy at the time of the JFK assassination. Matthew Perry, however, his miscast as Ted Kennedy. The latter was in his late 30s and still retained his boyish good looks. Matthew perry, when this was filmed, was at least 10 years older than was Ted in 1968. At 48, he looks his age. It's a bit distracting to me.
Also, only 20 minutes in, there are things in the movie that I don't recall from the book. This especially includes dialogue between Jackie and Ethel Kennedy shortly after the RFK assassination. I realize this is entertainment, and not a documentary, but I would prefer an authentic account.
Uninvited (1988)
Stop talking already.
A movie that stars two actors with the most annoying voices ever - Alex Cord and Clu Gulager. If they had also used Gilbert Godfried, it would be the perfect storm. Seriously, while distinctive voices can be an asset to actors, in the cases of Cord and Gulager, I just wish they would stop talking.
I thought "Uninvited" is a movie about a haunted mansion of some kind. Instead, it's about some kind of monster cat. Or am I thinking of "A Talking Cat?" Unfortunately, the cat is probably the most interesting actor in the film.
Horrible plot and special effects could not be saved by mediocre actors. Watch the RiffTrax version, but steer clear of the original.
Evils of the Night (1985)
Why?
Why kill off two of the most attractive actresses in the last 20 minutes of the movie? What purpose did that serve? Karri Emerson is one of the most beautiful actresses to grace the silver screen and, for no reason at all, the movie has her brutally slain 5 minutes from the end of the movie. The actress who plays Connie, while not as classically beautiful as Karri Emerson, is cute and endearing, but for some reason is killed 20 minutes from the end of the film. Neither death contributes to the story, they are just sadistic. Poor storytelling.
Old (2021)
Inconsistent Story and Performances
I'm perfectly happy if a movie follows its own set of rules to gain the interest of the audience and entertain them. However, the movie needs to be consistent with those rules. The rules in this movie include, if you get cut, you heal almost instantly. So you couldn't be killed, right? But apparently you can, and many people do in this movie. One person died from being stabbed while earlier in the movie his face was slashed but healed in seconds. So which is it? Do our bodies heal themselves rapidly or not? Also, people are aging rapidly, but in consistently. Some don't appear to age at all (maybe that's just a lack of adequate make up?) while others age rapidly and noticeably.
The acting in this movie is a mixed bag. Many of the actors have accents (and not the same accents, from many different people groups) that make it hard to understand what they are saying (at least for most Americans). Some of the line deliveries are cringe worthy. I can't understand why they didn't re-shoot some of the shots.
Overall an interesting (if not original) premise for a movie, but poorly executed for the most part.
Death on the Nile (2022)
Dull and formulaic.
It could just be that I find this genre tiresome, but the story, the characters, the acting just plod along. I cared about none of the characters. The inclusion of two African American women characters seemed like pandering.
Ruby (1977)
The ____ movie.
The story and plot of this movie is so disjointed and implausible that it's like that game will you ask someone for a bunch of words and then you plug it into a story.
The _____ woman's ____ was _______ but fortunately she owns a _______. Her daughter is _____ so the _____ of the ______ ends up _____ her and _____ all of his _____.
Rich
husband
murdered
drive-in mute
ghost
father
possessing
kills
murderers.
Amityville Horror: The Evil Escapes (1989)
Not horrible
While seemingly having nothing to do with the previous franchise movies, this isn't the worst movie I've ever seen. If you explain the premise to someone who hadn't seen the movie, they would laugh in your face. A possessed lamp, somehow containing 300 years of evil even though electricity is only been around for about 100 years. Once again, only a Catholic priest with incense and holy water (catholic being the only legitimate Christian religion, according to Hollywood at least) can stop it.
On the plus side, Zoe Trillings was awfully cute and the movie would have been even better with twice as much of her in it. It also would have been better if not for the ridiculous ending in which the family cat becomes possessed by the electric lamp. Yes, that is what I said.
Replica (2005)
A convincing replica
I'm sure somewhere there is a formal definition of a movie. Assuming includes things like, the action was captured on film, there was a script, they were actors, they were sound, etc. Replica meets all of those criteria. However, it somehow fails to be a movie. There's very little action to capture, the script is full of plot holes and banal conversation, the actors shouldn't even really be called actors, and the sound is either nonexistent or noisy. I'm guessing that 99% of the people who have seen this watched the RiffTrax version of it. I can't imagine watching it without RiffTrax.
Savage (1996)
Nope nope nope
Poorly acted, poorly written, poorly filmed, poorly costumed. Other than that this movie is just a rip off of the Terminator theme. It is for that reason I give it only one star.