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M AR R I A G E G U I D E

SAINT CYRIL ORTHODOX CHURCH

A PARISH OF THE DIOCESE OF THE SOUTH UNDER THE OMOPHOR OF HIS BEATITUDE, THE MOST REVEREND JONAH + AND HIS GRACE, THE RIGHT REVEREND NIKON + REVEREND FATHER DAVID MORETTI

3333 S. PANTHER CREEK DR., THE WOODLANDS, TX 77392

MARRIAGE GUIDE

SAINT CYRIL ORTHODOX CHURCH

MARRIAGE GUIDE

Saint Cyril Orthodox Christian Church

3333 S. Panther Creek Dr., The Woodlands, TX 77392 Phone: (812) 230.7870 Rev. Father David A. Moretti, Pastor

A MANUAL FOR WEDDINGS AT SAINT CYRIL CHURCH

Congratulations on your recent engagement! We want your wedding to be memorable and your married life to be full of peace, joy, happiness and concord. To this end, the following guidelines will help you in preparing for a beautiful wedding service and for the rest of your lives together. Please read this material carefully. Though not everything that follows here is absolutely necessary or mandated by the Church's canons, these guidelines blend Traditional Orthodox teaching and local traditions in the United States. Please bring any questions you may have to the pre-marital counseling sessions.

Introduction: What is Marriage?

"...God created man in His own image...male and female He created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply...'" (Gen. 1.27-28). "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one esh" (Gen. 2.24).

Marriage is the "great mystery" (Ephesians 5.32; or "great sacrament") in which a man and a woman make an everlasting commitment, before God, to make a common life together, as one. Saint John Chrysostom said that marriage has two purposes: 1) to make us holy and 2) to make us parents. In a Christian marriage, the man and the woman work together in love. They help each other not only in the mundane duties of this life, but more importantly, they support each other in the process of fullling God's plan for mankind when He created and blessed the rst man and woman: God wanted them to become holy before Him and to live with Him forever. In the Church's wedding service the man and the woman make a public declaration of their free-will decision to enter into the commitment of marriage with each other. Led by a priest or bishop, the community prays for them and asks God to bless them, to unite them and to strengthen them in their life together. The Church celebrates the great mystery of marriage when two virgins (ideally) come together to be crowned for their perseverance and to start a new family unit. Indeed, the Christian home is called to be a little church, and it is all these little family units that make up the Church family, unto the glory of God.

Who May Be Married in the Orthodox Church

Ideally, Orthodox Christians are to marry only other Orthodox Christians. By concession, however, we will allow an Orthodox man or woman to marry a non-Orthodox person, as long as that person is a baptized and practicing Christian (i.e., Roman Catholic or Protestant), but such a marriage must still take place in an Orthodox church. A joint agreement between the Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches states that marriages should take place in an Orthodox Church where one member of the couple is Orthodox and the other is
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Roman Catholic, so that both may remain in good standing in their respective Churches. Furthermore, marrying in the Orthodox Church implies that you intend, as a family, to have the Orthodox Faith as the primary faith of the home and that, in due course, you will baptize and raise your children in the Orthodox Church. If the non-Orthodox member of the couple has studied and espoused the Orthodox Faith, he/she may be received into the Orthodox Church, but this is never required or forced. Note that an Orthodox Christian who marries in another church is considered to have voluntarily abandoned his/her Church and has excommunicated himself/herself; such a person needs to seek reconciliation. While one marriage is the ideal, the Church grudgingly permits second and even third marriages, as a concession. Fourth marriages are expressly forbidden. If the previous marriage had ended with a divorce, then that person must be reconciled by the bishop, after an appropriate period of penance, before he/she is permitted to commune or marry in the Church. In addition, a divorce decree must have been granted by the civil courts. In all cases, a marriage license must be obtained from the state before a Church wedding service can be celebrated. The persons to be married cannot be related to each other, whether by blood, by marriage or by sponsorship in baptism. For example, rst cousins may not marry; fellow godchildren of a baptismal sponsor or godchildren and natural children of the same person may not marry; two brothers may not marry two sisters. Formally adopted relatives are considered the same as blood relatives.

When Marriages Can Be Celebrated

The very rst thing to do in making your wedding preparations is to contact the church to nd an open date for the wedding. DO NOT book a reception hall or make any other arrangements before checking with the church! The customary time for weddings is Sunday afternoon/early evening. Bear in mind that weddings cannot be celebrated during fasting periods. This includes Wednesdays and Fridays (with the understanding that the day begins at sunset, so that Wednesday runs from Tuesday evening to Wednesday evening). Marriages are also not permitted on days when the Liturgy is prescribed to be celebrated the next morning. This means that no weddings can be performed on Saturdays, the eves of great feasts, feast days which call for a synaxis the next day, including the week following Christmas and all of Bright Week. Exceptions for Saturday weddings may be granted, however, but such weddings must be earlier in the day, beginning no later than 3 p.m.

Pre-marital Counseling
All couples to be married at Saint Cyril's are required to participate in pre-marital counseling. Usually, this consists of three or more private sessions with a priest. During these sessions, the priest will discuss with the prospective couple the Church teachings on marriage and how husband and wife are to relate with one another. We will touch on some very practical issues of how to deal with each other in order for there to be harmony in the family, including pressures from in-laws and how to handle your bank accounts. We shall also discuss such issues as contraception, children, and responsibilities toward the Church. In addition, we shall go through the wedding service and explain its meaning in detail. These sessions are for you, so be sure to ask any questions you may have. Saint Cyril Church oers from time to time an enquirers' class as an introduction to the Orthodox Christian faith and practice. The class is highly recommended to all couples, most
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especially to those where one member of the couple is not Orthodox. The class runs for ten sessions.

Confession and Communion

Like all Orthodox Christians, the couple (or the Orthodox member in a mixed marriage) should be participating in sacramental Confession and Holy Communion on a regular and ongoing basis. It is appropriate to make a confession shortly before the wedding. In addition, assuming the wedding will be taking place on a Sunday, you should plan on worshipping at church the morning of your wedding and on partaking in Holy Communion together (if both are Orthodox).

Marriage Licenses/Certicates
A marriage license must be issued by the State of Texas before a church wedding can be performed. The marriage must be performed within 60 days of the issuance of a license. The license itself should be presented to the priest at the wedding rehearsal (see below). This gives time for a temporary certicate to be prepared and given to you immediately after the wedding. The priest will complete the license and send it in to the State, so that your marriage will be registered. A few weeks after the wedding, you will receive your permanent marriage certicate from the Archdiocese. A $10.00 processing fee is required for the certicate. At the time of the rehearsal (see below), bring a check for $10 made out to Antiochian Orthodox Archdiocese. This way too, you will not have to worry about the license and certicate on the day of the wedding itself.

The Bridal Party

A maid/matron of honor and a best man are required; they are ocial witnesses/sponsors to the marriage whose names will be listed on the marriage license. It is preferable that they be Orthodox; at a minimum they must be Christians. If you like, you may have additional attendants: an equal number of men and women, but we discourage more than four of each. In addition you may have one or two young boys as ring bearers and one or two ower girls, but bear in mind that they will need to know how to walk in and stand quietly in place for almost an hour.

Guest Clergy
Proper protocol dictates that invitations to other Orthodox clergy be extended by the local pastor. For this reason, be sure to let us know at least six weeks before the wedding date of any Orthodox clergy you wish to invite. Bear in mind that you are expected to pay for travel expenses and accommodations for any clergy you invite from out of town. Non-Orthodox clergy may not participate in the service. If you wish them to speak, they may oer a word of congratulations to the newly married couple at the conclusion of the service or at the reception. In church, they will be seated in a special place of honor to the side of the solea, or they may sit among the other guests, if they prefer.

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Appropriate Attire for the Wedding Service

For the bride, a white dress, train and veil are appropriate only if she has never been married before and has no children. The bridegroom may wear a white suit or tuxedo only if he has never married before and has no children. Dresses for the bride and bride's maids are to be modest, not low cut, and they must have shoulders and short sleeves, at least. Bride's maids and groom's men customarily do not wear white dresses or tuxedos, respectively.

Wedding Rings
The bride and bridegroom both need wedding bands to exchange during the betrothal part of the service. We encourage you to engrave the inside of the band which the bride will eventually wear with the name of the bridegroom (and optionally the date of the marriage); similarly, the ring which the bridegroom will wear should be engraved with the bride's name (and optionally the date of the marriage). If you wish, the bride may wear an additional ring (e.g., diamond engagement ring). Give the wedding bands to the priest at the time of the wedding rehearsal. He will place them on the altar to bless them and retain them for safe-keeping, so that no one accidently forgets to bring them on the day of the wedding. If you will be having a ring bearer, have him carry dummy rings only. Dummy rings are usually supplied with the silk pillows made for this purpose.

Flowers/Decorations/Candles
You may place one or two low ower arrangements under the icons on each side of the iconostasis. It is also customary for the bride and bride's maids to carry bouquets and for the men to have one ower on the left lapels of their coats. If the bride has never been married before and has no children, then you should place a white runner down the center aisle of the church. The orist can supply the runner. The church can supply you with two white candles, one each for the couple. If you prefer, you may bring your own, decorated candles, but you must have a cup to catch any drips of molten wax. Any pew decorations must be placed on the sides of the pews along the center aisle in such a way that they can be removed without damaging the wood. We greatly discourage throwing of rice or bird seed. These are dangerous, as your guests can slip and fall. Flower girls should strew ower petals, not confetti.

Program Booklets
Particularly if many non-Orthodox guests will be attending the wedding, you may wish to print program booklets that explain the service and which also list the names of the attendants. We can provide you with samples of such programs. If you think it could be a problem, please alert your guests that clapping and zagharit are considered inappropriate in an Orthodox church.

Chanters/Music
At least one chanter is required for the service. You may also ask the church choir (or a subset thereof) to sing the wedding service. It is customary to express your thanks to a chanter and/or the choir members either by inviting them to the reception or by giving them a monetary gift. No songs are permitted to be sung during the service except those Orthodox hymns prescribed in the service itself. You may hire an organist and/or soloist to play/sing
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during the seating of the guests and during the entrance of the bridal party. You must check with the priest on what music or hymns may be played/sung during the entrance procession and for the recessional. Since you have well chosen to marry in a Church service rather than in a civil ceremony, it is tting to maintain the sacred atmosphere by excluding songs that are of a purely secular nature their proper place is the wedding reception. Though not restricted to Orthodox liturgical music, texts should bet the Church setting and somehow relate to a Christian marriage. There should be no problem with classical organ music.

Photographs/Videotapes
In order to maintain the dignity and prayerful attitude of the service without distraction, photographers should restrict their use of ash, if possible, and they may not use movie lights. Photographers must limit their movement during the service. The photographers should also meet with the priest prior to the start of the service and prior to the arrival of the guests so that we can go over what will be happening in the service and where they are to stand to get the best photographs. Under no circumstances will photographers be allowed into the altar area.

The Wedding Rehearsal

At least one month before the wedding, you should schedule a wedding rehearsal with the priest for sometime within the week before the wedding. Besides the couple, all the attendants of the bridal party and the parents of the couple should be there to go over how to enter in procession, where to stand, how to exchange rings, etc. The rehearsal is also a good time to give the priest the following items, so that they are not forgotten on the day of the wedding itself: 1) the marriage license from the state; 2) a $10 check for the wedding certicate, made out to Antiochian Orthodox Archdiocese; 3) the wedding bands.

The Day of Your Wedding

All your wedding arrangements should be completed by this point. Have your relatives and friends take care of any last minute details for you. The bride and bridegroom should spend the twenty-four hours before the wedding calmly and prayerfully, meditating on the awesome commitment you are making, and asking God to help you. If it is a Sunday, go to Liturgy together the morning of your wedding. After that have a light lunch, then all you should have to do is to get dressed and come back to church for the wedding. Others should take care of anything else that needs to be done. The couple should be relaxed and should allow plenty of time to dress and to "get...to the church on time." Starting late is disrespectful to your guests.

Where to Dress and Get Ready

You may dress either at home or at the church. In either case, the Church Sunday School is reserved for the bride and her maids to dress and/or for nal touch-ups before the service. Some brides like to have the photographer take pictures as they touch up their hair, put on the veil, etc. You may want to take pictures of the bride with her maids and of the bridegroom with his attendants on the lawn. The bridegroom and best man come directly to the sacristy of the church and wait quietly for the service to start. The bride and her attendants, ower girls, ring bearers, her parents and the groom's parents all gather and line up in
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the narthex of the church right at the time the service is scheduled to begin. The bridegroom's parents enter, and the bride's mother is escorted in. Next, the men come out of the sacristy and take their positions. Then the processional hymns start, and the bride and her father, preceded by the attendants, start to walk in for the service. (Some variations are possible here, so be sure to ask at the rehearsal.)

Formal Photographs
You may take formal pictures in front of the iconostasis, in the church, after the service. We recommend that, when you walk out at the conclusion of the service, you go directly to the pastor's oce to avoid greeting all the guests at that point; you can greet everybody at the reception that's why it's called a 'reception,' because that is where you have the receiving line. This way, you can go back into the church to take your pictures as soon as the guests have exited, and you will be at the rececption, with your guests, sooner. Please take the photograph with the clergy rst, so they can remove their vestments.

Security
Security guards are hired by the church for all regular parish functions. If you wish to hire a security guard for the duration of the wedding and/or reception, we can arrange that for you. You will need to pay the guard immediately after the event.

The Wedding Reception and Use of the Church Hall

The wedding banquet is an important part of the marriage celebration, and we must never forget that we are Orthodox Christians, at the reception just as in church. Entertainment and dancing should be modest, not lewd. Consumption of alcohol should also be with moderation. If you want to have the priest at the reception, be sure to send him an invitation, and specify whether his wife is also invited or not. If the priest is in attendance for the reception, then you should call upon him to lead the prayer and give the blessing before the meal is served. The Church hall is available to you if you ask for it at the time you book the wedding date. The hall can accommodate up to 300 people seated for dinner, leaving enough space for the dance oor and a band on the stage. There is a reasonable charge for using of the hall. Information on hall rentals can be made available upon request.

Freewill Offerings to the Church

There is never any charge for a sacrament or church service, but responsible Christians naturally desire to thank God for all his bounties to them by making oerings to the Church in proportion to their means. At Saint Cyril Church, families can make their oerings to God by making a pledge and by fullling it in weekly donations in specially provided envelopes. The concept of Christian stewardship will be discussed during the pre-marital counseling. In addition, you may want to make a special oering on the occasion of your marriage, to thank God for having brought the two of you together and bestowed His heavenly blessings upon you. A special envelope will be provided you for this purpose. You may put any amount in the envelope, according to your faith and resources. (It might be instructive for you to know that the church does incur considerable expenses to put on your wedding, for
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lights and heating/air conditioning for however many hours it takes before and during the rehearsal and wedding, plus candles, incense, cleanup, etc.)

Removal of Crowns "On the Eighth Day"

On the Sunday after your wedding, or on the rst Sunday after you return from your honeymoon, we will have the service of the removal of crowns at the end of the Liturgy. When you come to church on that day, give a note to one of the ushers stating your names and that you are present to have your crowns removed. An usher will take the note up to the priest, who will then call you up to the front for this short blessing at the end of the Divine Liturgy.

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Major Orthodox Holy Days

September 1 The Beginning of the Ecclesiastical Year (Indiction) September 8 The Nativity of the Theotokos September 14 Exaltation of the Holy Cross September 24 Saint Thekla November 8 The Archangel Michael November 13 Saint John Chrysostom November 14 Saint Philip the Apostle November 15 Nativity Lenten Period begins (and Accompanying Fast) November 21 The Entrance of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Theotokos) into the Temple November 30 Saint Andrew the Apostle December 4 Saint Barbara and Saint John of Damascus December 6 Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra December 13 Saint Herman of Alaska December 20 Saint Ignatius of Antioch December 25 CHRISTMAS DAY The Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ December 26 Synaxis of the Holy Theotokos December 27 Saint Stephen the Protomartyr January 1 The Circumcision of Jesus Christ January 6 Epiphany Day: The Baptism of Jesus Christ, Sanctication of the Waters and Manifestation of the Holy Spirit January 7 Saint John the Baptist January 17 Saint Anthony the Great

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January 30 The Three Hierarchs: Saint Basil the Great, Saint Gregory the Theologian and Saint John Chrysostom February 2 The Presentation of Jesus Christ in the Temple February 9 Saint Basil the Great February 27 Saint Raphael of Brooklyn March 25 The Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Theotokos) March 31 Saint Innocent of Alaska April 23 Saint George April 25 Saint Mark the Apostle May 21 SS. Constantine and Helen June 24 Nativity of Saint John the Baptist June 29 SS. Peter and Paul July 20 Prophet Elias July 27 Saint Panteleimon August 6 Transguration of Jesus Christ August 15 Dormition (Falling Asleep) of the Blessed Virgin Mary (Theotokos) August 29 Commemoration of the Beheading of St. John the Baptist

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