A Man's Guide to the Holidays

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Table of Contents

Introduction How to Carve a Pumpkin......................................................... 1 7 Ways to Scare the Heck Out of Kids on Halloween...................................................................................... 5 Holiday Travel Tips.................................................................... 8 Home Security During the Holidays...................................... 13 How to Cook & Carve a Turkey Like a Man....................... 15 5 Winning Turkey Bowl Plays................................................ 21 How to Make the Best Snowman in the Neighborhood............................................................................... 26 How to Make the Perfect Snowball....................................... 28 How to Build an Impenetrable Snow Fort.......................... 31 How to Roast Chestnuts on an Open Fire............................ 34 A Guide to Holiday Tipping...................................................... 36 Selecting a Christmas Tree....................................................... 38 A Guide to Cutting Down Your Own Christmas Tree........ 41 A Guide to Buying a Christmas Tree..................................... 44 Start a Cozy Fireplace Fire...................................................... 46 Planning an Awesomely Festive Christmas Party................ 48 George Washington's Eggnog..................................................... 52 9 Jolly Holiday Cocktails........................................................... 53 11 Holiday Mocktails................................................................... 57 How to Make Polar Express Hot Chocolate......................... 61 Simplifying the Christmas Light Experience....................... 63

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays

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How to Wrap a Christmas Gift............................................... 68 How to Be Santa Claus............................................................. 71

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays

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Introduction

I love the holidays. The sights, the sounds, and the smells warm my man spirit and makes me feel like a little boy. I noticed that while many holiday guides and books exist for women, no such guide exists for men. But there are plenty of things a man needs to know how to do around the holidays: carving a turkey, cutting down a Christmas tree, and putting up Christmas lights to name only a few. This guide will hopefully provide you a starting point on making your holidays a bit more manly. Enjoy!

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays

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How to Carve a Pumpkin

Picking a Pumpkin
Where to get a pumpkin. The first step in carving a kick-a** jack o lantern is to pick a good pumpkin. You have two options on where to a get a pumpkin: the grocery store or a pumpkin farm. Most grocery or hardware stores start selling pumpkins in the middle of September. Theyre usually in a bunch of big bins in front of the store. If theyre going all out, the store will give them a little hay habitat to dwell in. You can usually find decent carving pumpkins for pretty cheap at the grocery store. Go early in the month before they get picked over. But in the authors humble opinion, picking out a pumpkin in front of WalMart has all the seasonal appeal of those black and orange nougat candies. If youre looking for a more authentic pumpkin picking experience, haul the family over to a local pumpkin farm. Its cheap family fun. Or if youre single, its a cheap date. Many farms will take you out to the pumpkin patch on a hayride and serve you apple cider. Itll cost a few extra bucks but will help get you in the autumn swing of things. Pumpkin selection criteria. When picking a pumpkin, its tempting to make size your first criteria. While its natural to want to go for the jumbo-sized pumpkin, may I suggest that you consider the pumpkins smoothness and shape first? Look for a nice round pumpkin that will stand up straight. Larger pumpkins are usually lopsided from having tipped over and grown on their side while out in the pumpkin patch. Most medium sized pumpkins will have that nice shape youre looking for. After shape, next consider the pumpkins surface. Find a pumpkin with nice smooth skin. Avoid pumpkins with dents, scratches, and rough skin growth. First, theyre just not aesthetically pleasing. Second, and more importantly, those imperfections make carving more difficult. If you can find a giant pumpkin thats nicely shaped and blemish free, then more power to you.

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Tools Youll Need

To ensure youll be able to easily put the lid back on later, cut a small triangular notch as you create the circle around the stem.

You dont need any fancy tools to carve a pumpkin. You probably have the necessary supplies lying around the house. Long boning knife. This is used to make large cuts like the top hole or the nose and eyes. Small paring knife. Use a smaller knife for more detailed work like cutting out teeth. Scoop. Youll need something to remove the pumpkin guts. Bowl. Where youll put the pumpkin guts. Newspaper. Place on top of the table to keep things clean.

Carving the Pumpkin

Now that you have everything ready, its time to get carving. With carving, you can either go the traditional jack o lantern route or the fancy, detailed, stencil route. Most men seem to prefer the traditional jack o lantern, so well focus on that. Cut the top hole. The first step in carving a jack-o-lantern is to cut a hole around the stem, so you can scoop out the pumpkin guts. Take your long boning knife and start cutting a circle around the stem. You should make the hole wide enough for you to easily get your hand in the pumpkin and scoop out the seeds and goo. As you cut, make sure to angle the knife so you create a cone shaped lid. This will keep the lid from falling through the hole when you put it back on. To ensure youll be able to easily put the lid back on later, cut a small triangular notch as you create the circle around the stem. When you place the lid back on the pumpkin, just align the notch on the lid with the corresponding triangle cut on the pumpkin. If your pumpkin doesnt have a stem and it looks like youll have a hard time taking the lid off, or if your pumpkin is very tall and it will be difficult to reach your hand in to light the candle, you can always cut the hole on the pumpkins bottom. Place the candle

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on the bottom part that you cut out, and then place the pumpkin over the cut out bottom and the candle. Scoop out the guts. This is my favorite part of the pumpkin carving process. Grab a big spoon (or just use your bare hands) and start scooping all the seeds and pumpkin goop out. As you scoop the guts out, place them in a bowl. We want to hold onto the seeds for roasting after were done carving our pumpkin. When you get most of the guts out, take the spoon and scrape the inside clean. We want it nice and smooth in there. Also, scrape the bottom flat so youll have a stable area to place your candle. Pick where youre going to carve. Find a nice, smooth area free of imperfections to carve your face. Draw your face. Many men just like to freehand carve their pumpkin. If thats your style, go for it. Personally, I always like to trace out what I want to carve before I start cutting. A crayon or Sharpie marker will work. The traditional jack o lantern is a really simple design. Two triangles for eyes, a triangle for a nose, and then a toothy smile. Feel free to get creative and add your own variations to this traditional design. Maybe throw in some scars, an eye patch, or some evil looking eyebrows. Start carving. Once you have drawn your desired design, take your paring knife and start cutting along the outline. Push out the pieces as you cut. Place a candle in your pumpkin. The finishing touch on any jack-o-lantern is the candle. Small white votive or tea candles work best.

Extending the Life of Your Pumpkin

Theres nothing sadder than a shriveled up jack-o-lantern on your doorstep come Halloween night. Pumpkins wilt when they lose moisture. Once you cut open a pumpkin, you break the protective barrier that keeps it nice and moist.

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To ensure your pumpkin is in tip-top condition for trick or treaters, I recommend waiting to carve your jack o lantern until the night before Halloween. A pumpkin can hold up for at least 24 hours before you see noticeable shriveling. If youd like to have your jack o lantern displayed on your porch longer than just a day, slather your pumpkins inside with Vaseline or some other petroleum jelly product. This will lock in moisture and keep your jack o lantern from wilting.

How to Make Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

Dont let those pumpkin seeds you pulled out go to waste. Mother Nature packed pumpkin seeds with nutrients that are particularly beneficial to men. Studies have shown that the oils in pumpkin seeds help promote prostate health and also reduce bone loss in men. Roasting seeds is really easy. Heres how to do it. 1. Clean them. After youre done carving your pumpkin, throw your seeds in a strainer and run them under cold water. Pick out the pulp so youre left with only the seeds. 2. Oil and salt. Oil a cookie sheet with some olive oil and spread your seeds out on the sheet. Sprinkle a bit more olive oil on the seeds. Next, sprinkle some salt on top of the seeds. You can add some other seasonings if you like such as garlic, pepper, Mrs. Dash, Cajun seasoning, or even Italian herbs and parmesan cheese. 3. Cook. Place the pumpkin seeds in a 325 degree F oven for about 30 minutes or until theyre roasted. Every now and then, open the oven and move the seeds around on the cookie sheet to make sure theyre getting covered with oil and salt. 4. Cool. Let the seeds cool. Place them in an air tight container next to your man chair and munch on them while watching the big game on Saturday.

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7 W ays to Scare the Heck Out of Kids on Halloween

Halloween is a glorious holiday for youngsters; what can be better than dressing up, wandering around a dark neighborhood, and getting loads and loads of candy? Trick or treating sadly comes to an end once you become a teenager, but just because you're too old to go door to door, doesn't mean there isnt still fun to be had on Halloween. While the time for treats may be over, the time for tricks has just begun. Scaring the daylights out of kids is a deeply satisfying pastime. While some men go all out by transforming their lawn into a graveyard and their home into a haunted house, you need not spend that kind of money or time to produce some high-quality scares. With only a few cheap props and a little imagination, you'll have the kids jumping ten feet in the air. Here are 7 ways to frighten the living daylights out of kids on Halloween.

"Freeze-frame"
This may very well be the easiest and yet most effective way to scare trick-or-treaters. Dress up in a scary costume and then sit on the porch as still as a statue. On your lap, place a candy bowl with a note attached that reads: "Sorry we're not home. Please take one piece of candy." As kids approach they won't know if you're real or fake. When they reach for the candy, spring to life! Growl, howl, reach out for them, or yell, "I told you to only take one piece!" This is an especially good way to give the snotty kids who grab big handfuls of candy a little comeuppance. My in-laws tried this stunt last Halloween, with one being a witch and the other a warlock, and found great success.

"If I Could Only Eat Your Brain"

This is a slight variation on the statue method. Here you dress up as a scarecrow and sit slumped in a chair, as still possible. You then repeat the steps above. You might try building yourself a scarecrow stand for extra effect, although I would imagine that standing on that for long periods would be quite uncomfortable. If you want to take the scarecrow trick to the next level, try placing several truly fake scarecrows (just get some straw and stuff your clothes) along the pathway. You'll be situated somewhere in the line. After the kids get their candy from your accomplice and start walking away, jump out and scare the beejesus out of them.

"Leafing so soon?"
Simple, economical, frightening. It doesn't get any better than that. Get a giant orange pumpkin leaf bag, the kind people use when raking leaves (you can use a giant black garbage bag, but it will look a little more suspicious). Sit inside the bag and stuff the

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rest of it with crumpled newspaper or packing paper (you can use actual leaves but you might end up sitting in there with some creepy crawlies for company). Then take other leaf bags and stuff them. Place the leaf bags along the walk or randomly on your lawn. Position yourself in a bag by the porch. The trick-or-treaters will innocently pass by the fake bags, and when they get to you, you'll pop out and scare them senseless. "Rest in Peace" Humans seem to be hardwired to fear coffins. Thus, they make the perfect Halloween prop. While you might imagine that constructing a coffin would be expensive and difficult, one can be made with only foam board, duct tape, and paint. After you build your coffin, place it on a table or on the ground of your porch. From here you can employ various scare techniques. You may want to simply lie in the coffin with the lid on and pop up as trick-or-treaters arrive at the door. To add an extra layer of fright, try lying in the coffin with the lid propped up. Cover yourself with a black sheet. Then cover the sheet with candy. Attach a note to the lid that says, "Please take a piece of candy." When the kids grab for the loot, sit up.

While the time for treats may be over, the time for tricks has just begun.

"The Scary Stalker"

Here's another simple and effective method for creeping kids out. Dress like the grim reaper and stand like a statue on the side of your porch. After the kids get the candy from your accomplice inside, simply start following the kids off the porch, trailing behind them, reaching out for them, and moaning. Very creepy.

"Let Me Give You a Hand"

Remember "Thing" from The Addams Family? This is what we're going for. Get a very large box, such as one from which a dishwasher came. Cut the flaps and turn it over so that it now looks like a table. Cut a hole in the "table-top." Get a cloth and cut a hole the same size as the table hole and place the cloth over the box. Now take a big flimsy plastic bowl and cut a hole in it, just big enough to fit your wrist and hand. Sit under the table with your hand sticking up through all the holes. Have an accomplice place the bowl over your hand which is now sticking up through the tabletop, and fill it with candy, enough to cover your hand. When trick-or-treaters reach into the bowl, thrust your hand up through the candy!

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For a less elaborate version of this trick, simply use a bowl with a hole in it, stick your hand through, and place a fake hand on the side of the bowl.

AAAAAAAH!!!!! It's a Box of Raisins!!!!

There's nothing scarier to a kid then reaching into a bowl hoping to find a Snickers and coming up with a box of raisins. I shudder to even think of it.

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Holiday Travel Tips

Theres no place like home for the holidays, but getting there can be hell. To help make your holiday traveling a bit more enjoyable, we offer the following tips:

Air Travel Tips

Book early. It should go without saying, but book your tickets as far in advance as possible. Youll save yourself money and a headache. Ticket prices start exponentially increasing about 14 days before the departure date. But they start going up even a month before. If you plan to fly around the holidays, try to book your flight at least 2 months in advance. If you book late, choose to leave on the day of the holiday. Of course, we cant always make plans 2 months in advance or sometimes were just lazy. If you have to make a last minute trip home for the holidays, dont attempt to fly out the day before Christmas or Thanksgiving. The day before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day in the United States, and Christmas Eve is almost as bad. Consequently, ticket prices on these days will be at their highest. Instead, consider flying out on the day of the holiday. Most people have already reached their destination by then, so the crowds will be thinner and the tickets a little cheaper. Leave on an early flight and youll be home in time to eat turkey and open presents. Shop around. Sites like travelocity.com and priceline.com allow you to search and compare airline rates. While these search tools certainly make comparing ticket prices a lot easier, you should still prepare to spend a few hours searching for the absolute best deal. My favorite site is kayak.com, as you can easily play with different dates, times, and airports to find the best price. It also allows you to input your travel date and what youre willing to pay for a ticket, and theyll notify you if something in your range materializes. Travel sites also frequently offer package deals for air, car rental, and lodging at a bargain price. Take advantage of these deals when youre shopping around. Finally, dont forget that airlines like Southwest dont offer tickets through any travel

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays sites. Check their home pages for what they have to offer.

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Check alternate airports. Flying out of or to smaller airports can possibly save you money. People tend to use larger airports for their flying needs, so airline prices at these airports are higher. Check smaller airports in the area to see if they have reduced rates. You might have to drive a bit to get to your final destination, but it beats spending an extra $200. Choose nonstop flights if possible. During the holidays, winter weather often causes delays. Choosing a non-stop flight can reduce the chances of you getting stranded in Albuquerque because of bad weather in Des Moines. Nothing is crappier than spending the holidays in an airport. Check that. Movies about being stranded at the airport during the holidays are even worse (see Unaccompanied Minors). But being stranded still really bites. Fly early in the morning or late at night. Fewer people travel at these times so you might save some money. Also, morning flights tend to have fewer delays than afternoon and evening flights. Arrive at the airport 2 hours early. Airports recommend that travelers arrive at least one hour early during the normal travel season. During the holidays, they recommend that you arrive 2 hours early. With people crowding the airport, lines at check-in counters and TSA security will lengthen immensely. Give yourself enough time to make it to your gate by getting to the airport with plenty of time to spare. Dont pack gift-wrapped gifts in carry-on luggage. Security may need to inspect your gifts and this could require unwrapping them. If youre going to bring gifts in your carry-on, leave them unwrapped. Better yet, just put them in your check-in luggage or mail the gifts before you leave for your destination. Also, remember security prohibits certain amounts of liquid in your carry-on luggage. Your wifes homemade raspberry preserves counts as a liquid and is prohibited unless you take it in a 3 oz travel shampoo bottle. But I dont know how grandma would feel about opening up that gift.

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Call the airline for your flight status before leaving for the airport. As mentioned above, flight delays run rampant during the holidays. Call the airport or check online for your flight status before you leave the house. Pack a positive attitude. During the holidays, Murphys Law seems to be in full effect. Count on things going wrong. Getting angry wont change anything, so why not have a positive attitude instead? It will make an already stressful experience a bit more bearable for everyone involved.

Theres no place like home for the holidays, but getting there can be hell.

Driving Travel Tips

Car maintenance. If you plan on driving to Grandpas for the holidays, get your car in tip-top shape before you start out on your trek. Breaking down in the middle of nowhere is a surefire way to extinguish your holiday spirit. Heres a quick list to check off before you hit the road: Check all your cars fluidsoil, transmission fluid, brake fluid, and coolant and top them off if necessary. Rotate tires and fill them up. Check for any leaks underneath the car. Look for any wear on hoses under the hood. Check if headlights and turn signals work. Replace windshield wipers if theyre worn.

Consider renting a car. Driving long distances wears your car out. That wear and tear can cost you money down the road. Dont put the miles on your car, put them on someone elses by renting instead. If you do enough searching, you can find great deals on rental cars. If you do rent a car, check whether your current auto insurance covers car rentals. If it does, decline the rental insurance at the rental kiosk. If you charge your Visa card to

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rent, Visa will provide secondary insurance for car renters and you can forgo the rental insurance. Have a well-stocked emergency kit. You never know when youll end up stranded on the side of the road or in an accident. While most of us are just a cell phone call away from being rescued by AAA, circumstances might arise where were stuck for hours waiting for the tow truck. Being stranded is particularly perilous in winter weather conditions. To prepare for such situations, pack an emergency kit in your car trunk. Include the following: Jumper cables Flashlight Roadside flares Granola bars Warm blankets Ice scraper First aid kit Small tool box Water bottles

Take frequent stops when traveling with kids. You taunt the fates when you keep tots and small children cooped up in the car for long distances. You risk accidents, i.e. your kid pees her pants or the incessant whining and screaming causes you to go crazy and drive into a ditch. Avoid this by taking frequent breaks. Sure, youre not going to make record time, but it beats the car smelling bad and having your kids render you temporarily insane. Bonus tip: If you find a roadside rest stop with a playground, stop and let the kids play. Get them nice and tired before you get back in the car. If all goes according to plan, youll have an hour or two of blissful quiet as the kiddos nap. Keep the kids entertained. Kids have it made these days when it comes to travel entertainment. They can listen to their mp3 players, watch a DVD on their portable

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player, text message their friends, or play their Nintendo-PSP-whatchamacallit. By all means, take advantage of these technological wonders, but dont let the kids sit in their own bubble for the entire trip. Make sure to play Roadside Bingo, the license plate game, and 20 Questions. Sing some songs. Its fun and it bonds the family. 30 years later theyre not going to remember what video game they conquered on the way to Pittsburgh, but they will remember singing Old McDonald 1,000 times.

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Home Security During the Holidays

Burglars love the holidays. Robbing homes during this time is like a two-for-one deal for them; they get all the usual household loot, plus the gifts you bought for Christmas. Even better, many people travel, leaving their homes vulnerable to a break-in. Unless you plan on leaving behind an eight year old with a genius for thwarting would-be thieves, make sure to protect your home when you go away. Lock all doors. Its an easy thing to forget, and you usually end up remembering when youre 500 miles from home. Check and double check the doors before you leave the house. Put newspapers and mail on hold. When burglars see piled up newspapers on the driveway or an overflowing mailbox, they see a big neon sign on your house that says Rob me. Ask a neighbor to pick up your newspaper or mail for you while youre gone. If you dont know someone that could do this for you or you dont want to bother your neighbor, ask the newspaper and the postal service to hold deliveries while youre away. You can actually ask for a hold on your mail at the United States Postal Service website. Go to: https://holdmail.usps.com/duns/HoldMail.jsp. Call your local newspaper for hold services. Keep your driveway and walkway shoveled. Unshoveled driveways and walkways are another tell-tale sign of your home's vacancy. If you live in a snowy area, hire a neighborhood kid to keep your pathways clear. Let a neighbor know your plans. Its always a good idea to let a neighbor know that youre leaving so they can keep an eye on your house. They can act as pet sitters or water your plants while youre away. If you dont know a neighbor who could do this for you, get to know your neighbors. Do it today. Set up automatic timers for outdoor and indoor lights. Having automatic timers for your outdoor and indoor lights gives your house an inhabited look. The timers dont cost that much, so buy several of them and place them in different rooms. Stagger the times you turn the lights on and off to fake out would-be burglars. For example, set the front dining room light to go on at 6:00PM and the back bedroom lamp to go off at

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays 7:54 PM. And dont forget the Christmas tree lights!

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Also, set outdoor lights to turn on at dusk and to turn off at about 11PM. Outdoor lights include your Christmas light extravaganza. Leave your window drapes as you normally would. Many travelers close all their drapes while theyre on vacation to prevent burglars from seeing their stash. This is like telling a little kid to close their eyes during a nudie scene - its just going make them want to look more. Leave the curtains, drapes, and blinds open as if you were home. Prevent pipe bursts. If you live an area thats prone to cold snaps, take measures to prevent freezing and bursting pipes while youre away. Usually pipes start freezing when the temperature dips below 20 degrees Fahrenheit. Pipes in rooms near the houses outside are the most vulnerable. Rooms with pipes that are more centrally located in the house will better retain heat. If youre going away and you think the temperature will dip below freezing, take the following precautions so you dont return home to a flooded house. Leave cabinet doors open under kitchen and bathroom sinks in vulnerable rooms. This will allow warmer air to circulate around the pipes. Let faucets drip slowly to keep water flowing through vulnerable pipes. Cover vulnerable pipes with fiberglass insulation sleeves. You can find these at the hardware store.

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How to Cook & Carve a Thanksgiving Turkey Like a Man

Preparing and carving a turkey for loved ones at Thanksgiving is definitely a manly task (cooking in general is a manly task). It involves roasted flesh, sharp knives, and popping joints. So impress your friends and family this year by cooking up a juicy and delicious bird. After you've cooked it, earn extra man points by masterfully carving it with a sharp knife. Carving a turkey is a rite of passage every man must go through. But if you don't do it right, you'll just be left with a mangled mess of meat. To help guide us through cooking and carving our Thanksgiving turkey, we consulted with our friend Karl Engel. Karl is the head chef of the award winning BBQ and grilling team Pigcasso. Follow Karl's instructions, and you'll soon be cooking and carving a Thanksgiving turkey like a real man.

How to Cook a Thanksgiving Turkey

Pick the right turkey. The first step in cooking a turkey is picking the right turkey for the job. With turkeys, bigger is not better. The best size turkey weighs between 12 and 16 pounds. Anything larger than 16 pounds and you'll get tough and chewy meat. So stay away from the big 22 pound Tom turkeys. If you're serving lots of people, get more than one medium size turkey. Thaw it. Before you throw your turkey in the oven, you need to completely thaw it. The best way is to let it thaw slowly in your refrigerator. Thawing your turkey in the fridge isn't a one day affair. Depending on the size of your turkey, it could take days before it completely thaws, so plan ahead. Below I've included a chart with the typical time required to thaw a turkey based on how much it weighs.

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Time Required to Thaw a Turkey 8 to 12 lbs. 13 to 16 lbs. 17 to 20 lbs. 21 to 24 lbs. 2 to 3 Days 3 to 4 Days 4 to 5 Days 5 to 6 Days

What if you don't have a week to thaw the bird? A little hack from your grandma's kitchen will get that turkey thawed in no time. Get a large tub of COLD water. Make sure to wrap the turkey in a leak proof package. Place the turkey in the tub. 30 minutes per pound of turkey is required to thaw your turkey using this method, so if you have a 15 pound turkey, it will take approximately 7 and 1/2 hours. Make sure to change the water every 30 minutes to keep it cold. Clean it. Next you'll need to clean out the giblets and neck. Most frozen turkeys have the giblets and neck in a nice little package stuffed inside the turkey in the back cavity. Just stick your hand in there and pull them out. You can save the giblets for gravy or you can toss them. Rinse out the bird under cold running water. Brine it. Turkey by nature is a dry meat. Cooking only makes it drier. In order to keep the juices in the bird where they belong, you'll need to brine this bad boy. You have two options for the brine: a wet or dry brine. You can find a good recipe for a wet brine at Alton Brown's website.

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Karl's Dry Brine

2 cups of kosher salt 1/4 cup of ground black pepper 2 to 3 tablespoons of dry herb mix

Our friend Karl likes to do a dry brine. It gets the job done just as well as a wet brine and isn't as messy. Butter it. Get some melted butter and wipe the turkeys outside with it. Throw it in the oven. Place the turkey in a wide, low roasting pan. Set the oven for 325 degrees Fahrenheit. Cook it about 15-20 minutes per pound. So a 12-14 pound turkey will take between 3 hours and 3 hours and 45 minutes. However, you should always use a meat thermometer to check when your turkey is done. Place the probe between the leg and thigh. The thermometer should read 165 degrees Fahrenheit. Baste it. During the first hour of cooking, don't do anything with the turkey. After the first hour, baste it every 30 minutes with some melted butter mixed with chopped up sage and rosemary. When the bird is done, it will have a nice mahogany colored skin. Again, check the thermometer to see if the inside of the bird is at least 165 degrees.

Mix this all together and pack the turkey inside and out with the brine mix. Place the turkey in a pan, and let it sit in the fridge for at least one day while packed in the brine mix. After a day, take the turkey out of the fridge and rinse out all the brine.

How to Carve a Thanksgiving Turkey

Let the bird rest. After you take the turkey out of the oven, you want to let it rest for about 20 to 30 minutes before you start carving. If you start carving too early, the juices from the bird will run all over the place and your turkey will dry out. Also, letting the turkey rest and cool will reduce the chances you'll scald yourself with delicious but molten hot turkey juice. Separate the leg and the thigh from the body. Take a sharp knife and cut the piece of skin in between the body and the leg. Once you separate the leg and body some, grab the body of the bird in one hand and the leg and thigh of the turkey in the other, and start pulling them apart to expose the joint that holds the leg to the turkey. You know you've reached it when you hear a pop. Carve around the joint until you don't get any resistance. Pull the leg and the thigh away from the body of the turkey all in one piece. Repeat on the other side.

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Separate the leg from the thigh. Holding the drumstick, stand the thigh and leg piece up on its end. Take your knife and cut between the drumstick and the thigh bone. When you meet some resistance with the thigh bone, move your knife around it a bit until you don't get any resistance. Make the final cut and separate the drumstick from the thigh. Place the drumstick on the platter so the kids can start fighting over who has dibs on it at dinner time.

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Cut the thigh meat. You've got some great meat on the thigh bone. Don't let it go to waste by just hacking away at it. There's one bone in the thigh meat and your goal is to separate the meat from the bone. Grab the end of the thigh bone, and take your knife and carefully start scraping the meat away from the bone. If you're really careful you can take the thigh meat off in one piece. But if you need to separate it in two pieces when cutting it away from the bone, it's no big deal. Once you get the meat separated from the thigh bone, you can carve it up for your platter.

Separate the wing from the body. Our next step is to separate the wing from the body. The wing attaches to the turkey by a ball joint. Cut the area between the wing and body until you get to the joint. Once you get there, grab the wing and pull it away from the turkey until you hear a pop. Once you hear that pop, take your knife and start cutting through the tendons and ligaments surrounding the joint until you separate the wing from the body. You can serve the wing whole on your platter. Repeat on the other side.

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Carve the turkey breast. You have some options on how you carve the turkey breast. The traditional way is to carve small slices off the side of the breast. There's nothing wrong with this way, but it does tend to dry the meat out. Also, if you get the wrong kind of knife, you can tear the meat and it won't look as good when you serve it. Another way you can carve the breast meat so that you maintain juiciness is to cut the entire breast off the turkey and then carve it up into smaller slices. Here's how you do it. Find the breastbone in the middle of the turkey. Pick which breast you're going to carve first, and make a cut right next to the breastbone on that side. Continue carving down the side of the breastbone. It helps to use your hands to peel the breast away from the bone as you're cutting. Keep making small slices with your knife until you can separate the entire breast from the turkey. Once it's off, grab your large carving knife and slice the meat against the grain starting at the small point of the breast. You can make the slices as thin or as thick as you want. If you don't think you'll eat the entire breast, just cut what you'll use, and wrap the rest of the breast in plastic wrap. It will stay nice and juicy for later.

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5 Winning Turkey Bowl Plays

On Thanksgiving Day, backyards across America turn into gridirons where friends and family battle it out in the annual Turkey Bowl. While the beauty of these pick-up games is a certain amount of chaos, having a few set plays up your sleeve can increase your chances of securing a win, bragging rights, and one of the turkey drumsticks. Below are 5 offensive football plays that you can use to captain your team to victory. Set, hike! End Around Option Pass

In the end around, a wide receiver sweeps behind the line of scrimmage towards the opposite end of the line and takes a hand-off from the quarterback. The receiver can continue running with it or throw a pass to an open receiver. The end around requires a proper setup for it to work effectively. Set the play up by running a few plays to the right. This will get the defense anticipating plays going to that side. On the third or fourth play run the end around. All receivers should still run routes to the right. The far right receiver runs behind the line of scrimmage towards the left side of the field. As he passes the quarterback, the quarterback hands off the football to the wide receiver.

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If all goes according to plan, the defense will start defending towards the right. The misdirection created by the receiver running left should have the defense confused and on their heels. The receiver can continue running up field or if it looks like hes going to get tackled, he can stop at the line of scrimmage and pass it to another receiver. The quarterback is a good target as hes usually unaccounted for by defenders. Wide Receiver Cross

The cross is a simple pass route that helps open up receivers. Two receivers (one on the left and one on the right) run 10-yard slant routes. The one on the left runs a right slant and the one on the right runs a left slant. They should cross paths at the center of the field. If the defense plays man-to-man, the crossing pattern will create a blockage of bodies in the center of the field. Hopefully one of the receivers can break free. Hit the receiver thats open.

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Hook and Ladder

The hook and ladder is a classic trick play that when executed properly is almost unstoppable. Boise State successfully ran the hook and ladder against my beloved Sooners in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. To add insult to injury, Boise State also ran the Statue of Liberty on the Sooners in that same series. To run the hook and ladder, the middle-right wide receiver runs a slant towards the left while the wide-left wide receiver runs a 15-yard flag route. Hit the far-left receiver with the ball. Heres where the trickification comes in. After catching the ball, the receiver pitches the ball to the slanting middle-right wide receiver. The left-receiver who just pitched the ball throws a block as the middle-right receiver runs down the sideline for a touchdown.

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Flea Flicker

The flea flickers goal is to get the defense to bite on a run play. When they do, the offense turns it into a pass play. Line up with a running back in the backfield with the quarterback. The quarterback hands the ball off to the running back who starts running towards the line of scrimmage. In order for this play to work, the running back really needs to sell that hes going to run the ball all the way down the field, so he needs to run hard, chin down, with the ball cradled in his arm. However, when the running back reaches the line of scrimmage, he stops and pitches the ball back to the QB. After pitching the ball, the running back continues running downfield for a pass. Because the defense has moved in to defend the run, the running back should have an easy time getting open for the touchdown.

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Option Pass

Not too many teams run the option, which is sad, because its fun to watch and fun to execute. The option pass gives a team three different options to get down field depending on how the defense responds to the offense. To run it, line up your team with a running back standing behind the quarterback. After the quarterback takes the snap, both the quarterback and the running back sweep to the left. If things look clear, the quarterback can keep the ball and run up field. Thats option one. Option two is pitching the ball to the running back. If it looks like a defender will tackle the running back, the quarterbacks final option is to pass the ball to an open receiver up field. The defenders will have likely moved in to defend the run, so a receiver should have the end zone all to himself. Easy touchdown.

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How to Build the Best Snowman in the Neighborhood

Winters first snowfall brings the boy out in any grown man. A pristine blanket of pure white snow just begs for snowmen and snowball fights. If you have kids, dont let them be the only ones who have the fun on a snow day. A man is never too old for play. Here are some sweet snow play tips that can enhance your wintertime romps and be passed down to your kids.

How to Build the Best Snowman in the Neighborhood

Unless you grew up in Fiji, you probably already know the basics of snowman building. Here well share the secrets to building a bigger, better, faster, stronger snowman. Okay, maybe not faster; Frostys still not going anywhere. But these tips can help you or your kids create the best snowman in the neighborhood. Start with good snow. You cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear and you cant make a good snowman from powdery snow. You need the slightly wet stuff. Not slush mind you, but the kind of snow you get when its just above or just below freezing. Slightly wet snow packs easier and holds onto buttons and coal lumps better. If the snow you have to work with is too dry, you can help nature along by spraying it with a hose fit with a nozzle that produces a fine mist. Youre also going to need about 4 inches of snow on the ground to avoid hitting dirt and creating a mudman. Make the balls. Start with a big snowball you pack in your hand and then roll it on the ground, allowing it to pick up snow and get bigger. Remember to roll it in different directions so that you dont wind up with a cylinder instead of a nice sphere. Keep the ball from making contact with the snowless ground and from picking up dirt and twigs and such. The bottom ball is the biggest. Place it where you want the snowman to reside; if you can see it from inside the house, all the better. Try to pick a place thats shaded and not in direct sunlight. This will help increase the snowmans longevity.

If you want to go the extra mile in preserving your snowman...

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Stack the balls. Jim Sysko, an expert snowman builder who helped work on the largest snowman in the world, recommends that you flatten the top of the bottom ball. Then when you make the middle segment ball, flatten the bottom of that ball before you place it on the bottom ball. Flat on flat=more stability. Repeat this process so that the top of the middle ball and the bottom of the top ball are flat too. If youre building a gigantic snowman and find that you cannot lift the middle or top ball to be placed, get a plank and roll the ball up it. Once you have all the balls stacked on top of one another, pack snow in-between the segments to add further stability to the structure. Spruce up your snowman. Once you build the snowmans basic structure, your next task is to bring Old Frosty to life. An old silk hat is key in this, although it stands a good chance of blowing away. A carrot for the nose and coal (although who can find coal these days? Little rocks work almost as well) and buttons for the eyes and mouth are classic add-ons. Just get creative and see what you have in the backyard and the kitchen. Prunes work well for the eyes and provide a snack for the birds. Place some sticks in the side for arms. Sysko recommends having the face face away from the sun, to prevent your snowmans premature blindness. In lieu of physical add-ons, consider painting your snowman with a mixture of food coloring and water. You can paint on a smile or traumatize your children by adding some tears as Frosty starts to melt. Or if you really want to traumatize the kids, you can give your snowman a bleeding bullet wound or head injury.

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How to Make the Perfect Snowball

In the movie Elf, Buddy the Elf helps his hapless half-brother fight off an onslaught of snowballs coming from some punk kids. Of course, Buddy, being from the North Pole and living with Santa all his life, had received advanced training in snowball making and throwing. In an instant, Buddy created a snowball stash and fired them off with machine gun rapidness. Those goons didnt stand a chance. While we cant teach you how to throw snowballs like a machine gun (you must make a journey to the North Pole for that) we can show you how to make the best snowball humanely possible. Find the perfect snow. To make the perfect snowball, you need the perfect snow. For the best snowballs, find snow thats not too wet or too dry; the same kind that makes a good snowman. If its too wet, youll just end up making slushballs, which are basically rocks. Not a good thing for snowball fights unless youre looking to kill a man. While light, powdery snow makes great snow for skiing, its not conducive to snowball making. Colder temperatures create this powdery snow. Because of its low moisture content, powdery snow wont pack. However, if you only have powder snow, there a few things you can do to make it suitable for packing snowballs. First, look for snow in slightly warmer places such as close to the street where cars have driven or near houses where the heat given off from inside might warm things up a bit. Second, and if youre a masochist, pack the snowballs with your bare hands. The heat from your hands will warm up the snow and create enough moisture for it to stick together. Of course if the snowball fight lasts a few hours, you might lose a few of your digits. Third, wait until the middle of the day before you start your snowball fight. This will give the sun time to warm the snow up a bit and create the needed moisture for snowball packing.

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Wear gloves, not mittens. When packing snowballs, youll need all the finger dexterity you can get. While mittens keep your hands nice and toasty, its hard to pack a snowball with a pair of flippers. Its not impossible; it just takes more time and care. But that extra time can spell the difference between getting pegged in the face with a snowball or being able to launch a preemptive strike. Also, the mittens strength in keeping your hands warm is also its weakness in making snowballs. Less heat escapes from a mitten. But you need a little heat for snowball packing, especially if you only have dry snow available. So instead of mittens, go with gloves. Youll have the dexterity to quickly form snowballs and just enough heat to create the moisture needed for proper packing. Packing your snowball. Youve found the perfect snow and you have your gloves on; now its time to start making those snowballs. When selecting snow for your ammo, go with the snow a few inches below the surface. The top layer has already packed this snow down. Using already packed snow makes your job a bit easier. Fill both your cupped hands with snow. Start bringing your hands together while rotating them to pack the snow. Each time you bring your hands together, apply more and more pressure. If you start off with too much pressure, the snowball will just fall apart. When you start feeling some resistance from the snow as you pack, the snowball is ready. Stop pressing and start smoothing the ball out so if forms a nice spherical shape. Ba-da-bing! You have a snowball just like Buddy the Elf would make. No soakers. It should go without saying, but an honorable boy (or man) would never under any circumstances throw a soaker. Soakers are snowballs dipped in water. The water causes the snow to melt a bit and ice up. Getting hit with a soaker feels like getting hit with a baseball. Ive been hit many a time with these treacherous projectiles, and it hurts like hell. Dont do it.

It should go without saying, but an honorable boy (or man) would never under any circumstances throw a soaker.

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Make your snowballs one at a time or all at once? Strategy dictates which method you choose. If you have sufficient cover to shield you from attack, build up an ammo pile before you launch your assault. When the enemy stoops over to make his one snowball, you can fire two or three snowballs at him. However, if you lack cover and are under attack, then youll have to make them one at a time. And if youre going to charge the trenches, you wont be able to carry your snowballs on a bandolier and will have to make them on the fly.

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How to Build an Impenetrable Snow Fort

While trees, mailboxes, and other objects can work as makeshift cover, nothing can protect you from a snow missile onslaught like a well-built snow fort. The following tips on snow fort building were inspired by the awesome instructions in The American Boys Handy Book. Trace out the forts perimeter. In the snow, trace a line that will serve as the forts perimeter. Make it large enough to protect 3 or 4 of your comrades. I prefer the foursided square shape fort as it protects you on all sides. However, a circle shaped fort could work just as well. If you lack massive amounts of snow, you might not have the luxury of four walls and will have to make do with just one. Having something to crouch behind is better than being entirely exposed. Start making snow bricks. You have a few options when making snow bricks. The first method involves rolling big snowballs as if you were going to make a snowman. This method requires no outside tools, just your hands and a strong back. Another option is to form bricks using an empty cooler or plastic tub. Just pack as much snow as you can in the cooler, turn it upside down, and presto! Instant snow brick. I find this method much more efficient than the snowball rolling method. Build the wall. While one man makes the snow bricks, another man stacks them up to form the walls. Ideally, shoot for a 4-foot wall. Its tall enough to protect most children and crouching adults. Fill in the gaps with snow. Once youve finished stacking all the snow bricks, fill in the gaps with some well packed snow. You should have a solid snow wall when finished.

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Flatten the walls. After youve filled in the gaps, take a shovel and spade and flatten out the walls so that theyre perpendicular on the inside, but slanting on the outside. When youre done, it should look something like this:

Douse with water. After you complete the fort, fill a bucket up with some water and douse the forts wall. The water will help ice things up and turn your snow wall into an ice wall. Start stocking your fort with a snowball ammo cache.

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Snowball Capture the Flag

While its fun to just throw snowballs randomly at people, the fun increases when a common goal exists. A classic game of capture the flag can provide that purpose. The rules of capture the flag are simple. Divide up into two teams. Draw an imaginary line down the middle of the playing field that will delineate where one teams territory begins and the other ends. Each team goes far back into their respective territory and starts building a fort. Allot just 30 minutes to build the fort before the blitzkrieg can begin. This will force teams to work quickly or else risk being pummeled by an attack. Place a flag on a stick inside each fort. Anything can serve as a flag. As kids, we just ended up using someones brightly colored sock. The games object is for opposing teams to capture each others flag and bring it back safely to their own territory. If a man is hit with a snowball, theyre dead and must leave the playing field until the game ends.

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How to Roast Chestnuts on an Open Fire

Weve all heard the Christmas Song. You know. The one about chestnuts roasting on an open fire. But how many of us have actually partaken in this holiday tradition? If youve never had a warm roasted chestnut, youre missing out. Their sweet, nutty flavor will warm your man holiday spirit to the core. Heres how to do it.

Preparation
You can buy chestnuts at most grocery stores. While dozens of chestnut varieties exist, most people roast castagne and marroni chestnuts at the holidays. The only differences between the two are their size and shape. Castagne chestnuts are smaller and rounded on one side while flatter on the other. Marroni chestnuts are much larger and plumper all around. Which type you use comes down to preference. Just keep in mind that the larger the nut, the longer it takes to cook. Rinse the chestnuts under cold water. Lay them on a towel and pat dry. Before roasting chestnuts, you must score them to allow steam to escape and prevent them from exploding like chestnut bombs while cooking. Simply take a sharp knife and cut an X into the chestnuts flat side.

Roasting Chestnuts Over an Open Fire

If youre going to roast chestnuts, you have to do it over an open fire. Its the manly way to do it. Under no circumstances should you cook them in an oven. If you dont have a fireplace, build a fire pit in your backyard or use a grill. Or if worse comes to worst, employ a flamethrower. Theres not much to roasting chestnuts. First, youll need a pan to roast your chestnuts in. Long-handled popcorn or chestnut roasters make the ideal pan for roasting chestnuts on an open fire. They allow you to roast your chestnuts without burning your face off. You can find long-handled poppers at some hardware stores and online. If you dont have a long-handled roaster, you can get by with a cast-iron skillet or some other pan. Just dont burn yourself.

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Place the chestnuts in the pan. No need to add oil or grease; as they cook, the chestnuts will release their own oil. Hold the pan over the fire, but dont set it directly in the fire. Cover the pan with a lid and let the chestnuts roast a bit. After 10 minutes, remove the lid and stir the chestnuts around, making sure to roast all sides adequately. Replace the lid and continue roasting. Repeat this process every few minutes or so. Most chestnuts will fully roast after 25 minutes. A chestnut is fully roasted when the shell starts to open where you made the score mark and you start hearing popping noises. Remove the chestnuts and place them in a towel lined bowl to cool for about 10 minutes. While theyre still warm, remove the shells. The inside skin will peel off along with the outer shell. You can eat the chestnuts plain or dip them in butter and cinnamon for extra holiday flavor and goodness.

The sweet, nutty flavor of chestnuts will warm your man holiday spirit to the core.

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A Guide to Holiday Tipping

The holidays are a time when we hopefully feel our most generous. Its the season to put off our inner-Scrooge and show people in our lives how much they mean to us. This attitude manifests itself in the gifts we give to friends and loved ones. But we should also show our gratitude to those people who help our lives run a little smoother and a little better, and who dont get thanked often enough-or at all. During the holiday season consider giving a tip to the people in your life that have served you well over the past year. Tipping lets them know that you noticed and appreciated their service and helps ensure continued good service in the future. Of course the same rule that applies to holiday gift giving applies to holiday tipping as well: dont go into debt or stretch your budget too thin. If you cant afford to tip, then you cant afford to tip. If you only have enough to tip some of the eligible people in your life, give tips to those who financially need it the most. While some tipping guides recommend that you write a thank you note to those who you cannot afford to give cash, I disagree. Normally you cant go wrong with a thank you card, but when you give someone who works for you a card around the holidays, theyre going to expect cash inside and will be crestfallen to find it empty. Of course a thank you card to accompany your tip is ideal.

The postman works hard during the holidays. Give him a tip to show your appreciation.

Heres a guide to some of the people you should consider giving a little holiday cheer to in the form of a tip and the suggested amount of that tip: Postman: Official Postal Service policy forbids postal workers from taking cash tips, although you can give them nominal gifts valued up to $20. But every postman Ive tipped with cash has had no qualms about taking it. Give them $20-$25. UPS Delivery Person: Like postal workers, UPS delivery people work overtime around the holidays. I see them driving around the neighborhood until 8 or 9 at night. And like the Postal Service, while UPS discourages giving their workers cash tips, theyll take them anyway. Give them a nice tip for all their hard work: $20-$25. The more stuff you buy online and they deliver to you, the more you should tip.

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Teacher: A $25-$75 gift. Remember, teachers get loads of candles and apple-themed knickknacks. Give them something theyll really use and enjoy like a gift card to a bookstore. Housekeeper: 1 weeks pay. Newspaper Delivery Person: $10-20 for just weekend delivery; $20-$30 for daily delivery. Personal Trainer: The cost of one session, more if they helped you reach that years fitness goal. Regular Babysitter: A gift card equal to one weeks pay. Daycare providers: $25-$45 each caregiver who works directly with your kids. Garbage Men: $10-20 each.

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Selecting a Christmas Tree

If a mans job on Thanksgiving is to carve the turkey, his main Christmas responsibility is selecting and setting up the tree. The undisputed symbol of the holiday season, the Christmas tree is the centerpiece of ones holiday decorations, the focus to which the eye is drawn and people gather. A handsome, large, well-decorated tree, with its twinkling lights and festive ornaments, can warm the heart of even the Scroogiest man. No one can resist its allure; even my Jewish friends put up a Hanukkah bush. Selecting, setting up, and caring for your tree is therefore a responsibility you should take seriously. By following these tips, your Christmas tree will be a source of pride for you, and a source of delight for your family and friends. 1. Never, ever, buy a plastic tree. This is the cardinal rule of Christmas trees. Its non-negotiable. Several myths get floated around about real Christmas trees that simply arent true. Yes, artificial trees are convenient. Yes, artificial trees are cheap. But artificial trees are artificial. When youre celebrating the most authentic things in life: joy, family, giving, and faith, a fake, plastic tree is an entirely inappropriate symbol. Its interesting to note that the creator of the first fake Christmas tree was the Addis Brush Co., maker of green toilet bowl brushes. You dont want a gigantic toilet bowl brush in your living room; you want real branches made out of real wood with real green needles on each bough. Most of all, you want the Christmas scent, the smell of pine to fill your home. Attempting to recreate this scent with an evergreen scented Glade candle is Christmas sacrilege, punishable by 50 lashes. Need one more reason? While I know not everyone cares about this, for those who do, remember that buying real trees gives jobs to American Christmas tree farmers and others. Buying plastic trees merely spreads some holiday cheer to a factory in China. 2. Measure the ceiling height where you want to put the tree. You dont want to pay more for a bigger tree only to have to clip off the top.

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The creator of the first fake Christmas tree was the Addis Brush Co., maker of green toilet bowl brushes.

Fraser Fir: The most popular choice for a Christmas tree, the Fraser fir has a nice dark green color, a uniform shape, and that strong, long-lasting Christmas scent youre looking for. The needles are short and firm, and the tree holds onto them well. The branches are quite sturdy and can support that big clay bagel wreath ornament you made in second grade. Balsam Fir: Quite similar to the Fraser fir, the Balsam fir has a pleasing shape, long-lasting needles and scent, and a healthy green color. Douglas Fir: Its hard to go wrong with a Douglas fir. It has that ideal Christmas tree profile-long and pyramidal-and is uniformly shaped on all sides. The branches hold onto the soft, green or blue-green needles well. Gives off a sweet, citrusy scent. Leyland Cypress: Popular in the Southeast, the Leyland Cypress comes with a few downsides. The soft, delicate foliage may look pretty, but the branches cant support heavy ornaments, and the tree has little scent. Scotch Pine: While we often call every Christmas tree a pine tree, most are firs, not pines. But the Scotch pine is the real McCoy. It has a long-lasting pine scent and sturdy branches to hold your heavy ornaments. The tree also resists drying, and even if it does become dry, it wont drop its needles. On the con side, some people do not like its long, 2-3 inch needles. Virginia Pine: Typically small to medium in size, the Virginia pine has sturdy branches and a scent Pine-sol will never be able to duplicate. Virginia pine needles grow in pairs that become twisted with each other, resulting in dense foliage. The branches hold onto the needles well.

To Buy or to Cut?
Theres no contest on the manliest way to obtain your real tannenbaum. Going out in

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the snowy woods in search of the perfect tree to light up your familys Christmas can be the highlight of the season. But if for whatever reason cutting down a tree is not an option for you (ie, you live in Hawaii), we include here a guide to both buying and cutting down your Christmas tree.

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A Guide to Cutting Down Your Own Christmas TreE

So you decided to harness your inner lumberjack and cut down your own tree. Bully to you! Here's a quick rundown on how you do it.

Where to Find a Tree

A man has several options for where he can find a Christmas tree that can he cut down himself. A friends private property. If you have a friend that has a large amount of property with trees suitable for Christmas trees, ask if you can cut one down. Offer to pay him a few bucks for the tree. Christmas tree farms. Many states have Christmas tree farms that allow customers to come on their property and cut down a tree. Most Christmas tree farms are well groomed and farmers plant the trees in a row like food crops. The farms usually provide the tools you need and will even help you clean and wrap your tree before you take it home. While Christmas tree farms provide a convenient way to cut down your own Christmas tree, the experience may not seem very authentic. National and state parks. In the United States many national and state parks open up their forests for a few weeks in December for people to cut down their own Christmas trees. Below is a list of national parks that allow this seasonal harvesting: Arapaho National Forest Gunnison National Forest Pike National Forest Roosevelt National Forest Routt National Forest San Isabel National Forest San Juan National Forest White River National Forest

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Nebraska National Forest Black Hills National Forest Bighorn National Forest Medicine Bow National Forest Shoshone National Forest

In order to cut down a tree in a national park, youll need to buy a permit from the forest station. Permits run about $10, and theyre only good for a certain time period. For information about tree cutting in state parks, contact your local state forest department for more information.

Tools Needed
So youve decided where youre going to cut down your tree. Now you need to make sure you have the right tools to get the job done or youll be like Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation and be forced to dig the tree out of the cold hard ground with your bare hands. As mentioned above, most Christmas tree farms provide the tools youll need to cut down the tree. But if you plan on trekking out to a forest on private or public property, youre going to need your own. Bow saw. Most Christmas tree trunks are relatively small and will probably only require a simple bow saw. No need to fire up a chain saw. Its just overkill. In fact, most national parks actually prohibit chainsaw use. Work gloves. The gloves will protect your hands from 1) the cold, 2) the saw, and 3) the prickly, sappy tree branches. Rope. For tying the tree down to the car.

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How to Cut Down a Christmas Tree

Because Christmas trees arent very tall or heavy, you dont have to take the usual safety precautions you would while felling a mighty oak. So need for back cuts or running away at a 45 degree angle. If youre trying to cut down a tree the size of the National Christmas Tree at the White House, then, yeah, use a back cut. Cutting a tree is easiest as a two man job: one man doing the cutting, the other man holding up the bottom limbs and generally steadying the tree as the cutting is taking place. 1. Start the cut about 4 inches above the ground. Take your bow saw and start sawing the trees trunk about four inches above the ground. 2. Keep the saw kerf open. As you cut the tree, have your partner whos holding up the branches tug up on the tree in order to keep a nice gap in the saw kerf, the space youre creating between the saw and the trunk. 3. Shake the tree down. Most pine and fir trees will have some loose needles on them, so make sure to give your tree a good shake before you stick it on top of your car.

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A Guide to Buying a Christmas Tree

Don't have the opportunity to cut down your own Christmas tree? No worries. We'll show you how you can find the best tree in the Christmas tree lot. Buy early. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, you want to have the best tree selection possible; if you go late, all the trees will have been picked over, and youll end up with a Peanuts tree. Secondly, if youre buying a precut tree, those trees will be sitting on the lot every day until Christmas. Theyre baking in the sun, not being watered, and drying out. If you buy the tree early, you dont need to set it up immediately (see Setting up the Tree below), but the tree might as well be sitting outside your house in a bucket of water instead of being turned into Christmas tree jerky on the lot. Visit your local Christmas tree dealer. Find a tree lot that just sells Christmas trees. Under no circumstances should you buy your Christmas tree in a Home Depot parking lot. Buying a Christmas tree is a crucial step in getting into the holiday spirit; having a big box store as the backdrop simply wont do. Look for shape, then size. Of course the thrill of the search is to find a tree that is both nicely shaped and magnificently large. But while it is tempting to simply go for the gargantuan tree, the first thing to look for is pleasing proportionality. A nicely shaped tree will get more compliments than a mammoth but gangly one. Look for large gaps or holes in the branches. Dont buy a tree from a lot where they keep the trees locked down under netting. You cant tell what the tree really looks like. But you may want to ask the seller to net the tree before you go home; it makes carrying the tree much easier. When it comes to size, keep in mind the number of ornaments and strings of lights you have to decorate the tree with. A gargantuan tree with only a sprinkling of ornaments will look silly; likewise, a small tree struggling to support six ornaments per branch with appear garish. Check for freshness. Ask the seller when the trees were cut. Look for nice, green needles, and check for the presence of brown ones. But remember, many sellers paint their trees to increase the green color. Check the branches and bark for green coloring. While some do this simply to enhance the trees greenness, others may be hiding a

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wilted, brown tree. Run your hand down the branch; most of the needles should stay put. Bend the needles. On a fir tree, the needle should snap crisply; on a pine tree, the needle should bend and not break.

Setting up Your Christmas Tree

Whether you cut down your own tree or buy one, the same protocol for setting up the tree applies. Wait until about two weeks before Christmas to bring the tree inside the house for decorating. Youre surely eager to get the tree up and decked out, but leaving the tree outside will keep it fresh longer. The more time the tree spends sitting inside your warm, centrally heated home, the faster its going to dry out and drop its needles. Keep the tree sitting in a bucket of water while its outside. Choose a location away from heat sources. When you do bring the tree inside, set it up away from heating vents, radiators, and other hot spots. They will dry the tree out quicker than Bunnicula sucking on a carrot. Saw off an inch from the bottom of the tree. The bottom of the tree gets sappy, and this prevents water from being absorbed into the wood. Some tree places will do this sawing for you when you buy the tree. Also, cut off any branches that interfere with placing the tree in the tree stand. Make it straight. When you place the tree in the tree stand, make sure its standing as straight and tall as a Marine at attention. While this can be a painstaking task, if the tree is crooked, its going to bother you every day until Christmas. So keep making adjustments until its just right.

Caring for Your Christmas Tree

Keep it watered. Trees drink water like camels, so check the water level in the tree stand every day and make sure the bottom of the tree is immersed.

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Start a Cozy Fireplace Fire

After a long day out in the cold picking and cutting down your Christmas tree, nothing beats coming home and spending the night in your leather man chair next to a warm and cozy fireplace fire. If youve never started a fire in a fireplace (and no, those automatic electric fireplaces dont count), then this guide is for you. 1. Make sure your chimney is clean and free of blockages. Its always a good idea to get your chimney swept before you start lighting fires in it. Even if you havent used it, animal nests and old leaves can cause blockages that will result in a smoke-filled house. 2. Open the damper. I made the mistake of not opening the damper the first time I made a fire in a fireplace. The heater had gone out in our house, and we were in the middle of an ice storm. I tried being the big hero by starting up a cozy fire in the fireplace. I got the fire going, but it filled the entire house with smoke. Dont be like me. Make sure to open the damper all the way if you want to avoid keeling over from smoke inhalation. 3. Prime the flue. If your chimney is built on your houses outside, the chimney flue is probably cold. When you open the damper, the cold air in the flue will sink and come into your warm house. If you try to light a fire during this air sink, youre going to end up with smoke coming into the house instead of up the chimney. To counteract the air sink, you need to prime the flue by warming it up. This is done by lighting a roll of newspaper and holding it up the damper opening for a few minutes. When you feel the draft reverse, you know the flue is primed, and youre ready to start your fire. 4. Develop an ash bed. Having a 1- 2 inch ash bed in your fireplace hearth will help insulate the fireplace and create hotter fires. If youve never built a fire in your fireplace before, this can be a problem. One quick fix is to take the ashes from your outdoor grill and place them in your fireplace to build the ash bed. While a small ash bed is good, too much ash is a bad thing. Make sure to clean the ashes out of your fireplace from time to time.

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Make sure to open the damper all the way if you want to avoid keeling over from smoke inhalation.

5. Build an upside down fire. Several fire-building methods exist and all of them have their merits. If theres a particular way you like to build a fire, by all means do it. But if youre looking to build a clean burning fire that lasts for hours, try using the upside down fire lay. Unlike traditional fire lays that require you to put tinder and smaller kindling at the bottom and larger fuel logs on the top, the upside down fire lay reverses the sequence. Start off by stacking your large fuel logs on the bottom of the fire grate. Stack smaller logs on top. Add a kindling layer (small twigs about the size of your pinky) on top of the stack. Top off the stack with bunched up newspaper balls and other tinder. Light the fire from the top. Because smoke wont have to pass through the cold logs, the fire will burn cleaner. Whats nice about this arrangement, too, is that you dont have to do much to keep it going. With your cozy fireplace lit, youre ready to get your holiday jollification on with some thick hot chocolate and a good book. Tis the season! Youre a man!

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Planning an Awesomely Festive Christmas Party

The holidays are the most party-packed time of the year. People start wanting to reconnect with their friends and loved ones and have a jolly good time. While men often leave party planning to the women in their lives, a man, whether bachelor or married, should know how to throw a festive shindig on his own. Here are some ideas on planning a merry good time.

Pick a Party Theme

There are many options as far as what kind of get together you want to host. You can just have a regular party, with people mingling and chilling, eating and drinking. Or you can invite your friends and loved ones to a more formal sit-down dinner. Additionally, you might want to consider different party themes:" Potluck Dinner Not only do potluck dinners save you a ton of money, they also have a special communal quality that cant be beat. Assign each of your friends to bring part of the meal and then enjoy tasting everyones creations when you sit down to break bread. Outdoor Activity The party starts with some kind of active outdoor activity: ice skating, sledding, hiking, snow-shoeing, etc. After the activity, everybody comes back to your place to warm up with hot chocolate and cider and roast weenies and marshmallows in the fireplace. White Elephant Gift Exchange Everybody brings a wrapped gift to the party (usually something cheap and/or funny). People then draw numbers (as many numbers as there are people). The person who gets number one, gets to choose the first gift and unwrap it. The next person can then choose to either steal the gift the first person opened or pick one of the wrapped gifts. This goes on with each consecutive person being able to choose from the things that have already been opened or from the unwrapped pile. If someone steals your gift, you can then choose to steal someone elses (but you cannot steal back the gift that was just taken from you) or draw from the pile. And so on and so forth.

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays Christmas Lights Tour

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Many companies charge big bucks to drive people around in a limo to look at the best lights in town. But you can save money by becoming your own tour guide instead. Borrow your friends Suburban or rent a giant van and map out a route through town that will take you past the homes with the nicest light displays. Then have your friends over for a bite to eat, load them in the car, turn on some Christmas tunes, and become their personal tour guide to holiday wonderment. Caroling Caroling is one of those things that sounds cheesy, so much so that people think theyre too cool for it and are reluctant to give it a go. But once you get over your hesitation and try it, everybody always has a really great time. So head out with your friends for some caroling around the neighborhood. If someone plays an instrument, tell them to bring it along. When youre done caroling, have everyone come back to your house for some eggnog and hot chocolate. Movie Night Christmas caroling makes a great party If youre looking to do something simple and casual, try hosting a holiday movie night. Invite people over, make some popcorn and hot chocolate, give everyone a blanket, and pop in a classic holiday film. Tree Trimming Invite your friends over to help you trim your Christmas tree. String the lights on the tree before they get there (putting on the lights is a real fun killer). When your friends arrive, put on some Christmas tunes and decorate the tree together. When youre done decorating, provide people with some grub for a job well done.

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Invitations
Once you choose the theme for your holiday party, you can draw up a guest list and decide how many people it would be appropriate to invite to such a gathering. As aforementioned, the holiday season is packed with parties, and people will get lots of invitations to different events. So you want to make sure you send out your invitations early in order to have your friends commit to your event first. So send them out about 3 weeks before your party. There are modern ways of doing this, but the Art of Manliness man does thing old school. Send out your invites on the correspondence cards you have in your stationery set or purchase a set of Christmas-themed invitations. Make sure to include these details on the invitation: Where and When Whether or not kids are invited If the guest needs to bring something (dish for potluck dinner, present for white elephant gift exchange, etc) Appropriate dress (if it's not a casual shindig) Request to RVSP with how many will be coming (are they going to bring a date?)

Planning Your Party

Food. The food youre going to buy and prepare depends on the kind of party youre going to throw. But whether youre having a sit-down dinner or just snacks, allot for each person to eat 1.5 times what you think would be a normal serving for a person. Its better to have extra food then run out. Drinks. Eggnog is a given along with various spirits your friends enjoy. Its fun not only to be the host but to play bartender as well and mix your friends up some special holiday cocktails. But let your non-drinking friends have fun too. They get tired of only being offered water and soft drinks. Make some cool holiday mocktails for them. See

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Music. Make a mix of great Christmas songs. Music is absolutely central for getting people into the Christmas spirit. So make up a mix of some of best and most classic holiday songs of all time to play at the party. Decorations. Its essential that you create a festive atmosphere for your party. Make sure youve got a nice tree up, string holly around doorways, wrap Christmas lights everywhere, and put some candles in the window. And of course, dont forget mistletoe!

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George W ashingtons Eggnog

Eggnog is classic holiday drink, and a tradition that has been around for centuries. The basic recipe for eggnog is virtually unchangeable: eggs, milk, sugar, rum, and brandy. Its the different ways you combine and add to these ingredients that separates one nog from another. You may already have a favorite family eggnog recipe, but if you dont, give this recipe, which George Washington served to his guests at Mount Vernon, a try. The addition of rye whiskey is no surprise, as that spirit was quite popular in colonial times, and Washington had a rye distillery on his premises. 2 cups of brandy 1 cup of rye whiskey 1 cup of Jamaica rum cup of sherry 8 eggs cup of sugar 4 cups of milk 4 cups of heavy cream

Mix liquors first, then separate yolks and egg whites. Beat yolks and add sugar, mixing well. Add liquor to mixture slowly, continuing to beat. Add milk and cream, slowly beating. Beat whites of eggs until stiff and fold slowly into mixture. Chill thoroughly for 5 days; this allows the alcohol to cure the eggs which greatly improves the taste. The mixture will separate during this time; just mix it back up to serve. Our first prez wouldnt have had nutmeg on hand as it was quite the luxury back then, but feel free to grate some of the fresh stuff on top of each mug. George would approve.

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9 Jolly Holiday Cocktails

While its best to stick with consuming classic, old fashioned cocktails during the majority of the year, the holidays are a time when its okay to imbibe things that are less manly and more festive than typically acceptable. Its also the only time of year when its okay to commit cocktail sacrilege and make martinis that are martinis in the style of glass only. The following holiday cocktails are excellent companions for sitting by the fire with a good book or for mixing up for your friends at your next holiday party.

Martin Miller's Sugar & Spice Martini

2 oz. Martin Miller's Gin 2 oz. Apple cider 3/4 oz. Fresh orange juice Splash of Brown Sugar Simple Syrup*

Shake above ingredients with ice. Strain into a martini glass that has been rimmed with a mixture of cinnamon and superfine sugar. *Note: To make the simple syrup, simmer together 1/2 cup water and 1/2 cup brown sugar for 5 minutes. Refrigerate.

Royal Cider Grog

1 oz. Crown Royal 1 cup Apple Cider Cinnamon Stick

Mix Crown Royal and apple cider in a pot and heat until warm. Pour into a mug and garnish with a cinnamon stick.

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Peppermint Patty
2 ounces vodka 1 ounce peppermint schnapps 1/2 ounce white creme de cacao

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add above ingredients and shake. Strain into a cocktail glass. For an extra festive touch, crush up some candy canes and rim the glass with the peppermint dust.

Gingerbread Martini
Ginger Syrup (this can also be purchased online or at a coffee shop or specialty food store) 3/4 cup water 3/4 cup sugar 3/4 (2-inch) piece fresh ginger, coarsely chopped 2 sticks of cinnamon 3 whole cloves

To make the ginger syrup: Simmer water, sugar, ginger, cloves and cinnamon stirring occasionally, until reduced to about 3/4 cup, about 15 minutes. Pour hot syrup through a fine sieve and chill. Let stand 20 minutes until using, so all sediment has settled to the bottom.

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays To make the martini: Ice 2 ounces vodka 1/2 to 1 ounce gingerbread syrup

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Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the vodka and gingerbread syrup. Cover and shake vigorously until combined and chilled. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Gingerbread Man
1/3 oz Goldschlager cinnamon schnapps 1/3 oz butterscotch schnapps 1/3 oz Bailey's Irish cream

Mix the ingredients with ice in a shaker and pour into a highball glass.

Cranberry Martini
Ice cubes 1 cup vodka 1/4 cup dry vermouth 1/2 cup cranberry juice 8 cranberries, frozen 4 lemon zest twists

Put 4 martini glasses in the freezer to chill for at least 30 minutes. Just before serving, fill a cocktail shaker half full with ice. Pour in the vodka, vermouth and cranberry juice. Cover with the lid and shake vigorously up and down for about 10 seconds. Strain into the chilled glasses, dividing evenly. Garnish each glass with 2 frozen cranberries and a lemon twist. Serve immediately.

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Pumpkin Martini
2 ounces pumpkin infused vodka (available seasonally) Splash of Cointreau Ice

Swirl Cointreau in a martini glass, then dump out. Shake pumpkin vodka and ice in a cocktail shaker. Pour into glass. For an extra festive touch, rim the glass with a mixture of pumpkin pie spice and brown sugar and garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Merry Christmas
1 oz Plymouth Gin 1 oz cranberry juice 1 tsp lemon juice Club soda Fresh or dried cranberries for garnish

Pour the gin and juices into a Collins glass filled with ice. Stir. Top with club soda. Garnish with dried or fresh cranberries.

White Christmas
1 oz vodka 1 oz amaretto 1 oz heavy cream nutmeg for garnish

Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake vigorously. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with grated nutmeg on top.

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11 Holiday Mocktails

Whether theyre teetotalers, DDs, underage, or with child, youll always have party guests that cant or wont wish to imbibe spirits. These folks are usually given a water or a Sprite and sent on their not so merry way. But theres no need to leave them out of the festive fun. Here are some non-alcoholic drinks that will delight the non-drinkers at your party and are of course also fun to make for your kiddos.

Cranberry Delight
Cranberries Mint leaves Sugar Lime wedge Ginger ale Ice

Place a spoonful of cranberries into a pint glass. Add 4-5 leaves of fresh mint, a wedge of lime, and a dash of sugar. Take a muddling stick and muddle the ingredients together at the bottom of the glass. Add several cubes of ice, cover with a shaker, and shake. Pour mixture into bottom of a rocks glass and top off with ginger ale.

Coco Choco Mocktail

Ice 3/4 cup milk 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup 2 tablespoons cream 2 tablespoons coconut cream Grated chocolate

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Add all ingredients except grated chocolate to cocktail shaker. Shake until well mixed. Strain into glass. Top with grated chocolate swirls.

Almond Nog
2 cups almond milk 2 bananas (not overly ripe) 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Blend the above until smooth, then sprinkle a little nutmeg on top. Serve immediately.

Chocolate Peppermint Frappe

4 round peppermint candies 1 pint frozen chocolate yogurt or ice cream 2 cups of cold milk cup of chocolate syrup

Place peppermint candies in blender or food processor. Whirl until pulverized. Add ice cream, milk, and chocolate syrup. Whirl until smooth. Serve at once.

Caramel Apple Cider

2 teaspoons caramel syrup 1 cup apple cider Whipped Cream

Heat up a cup of apple cider in a mug. Stir in 2 teaspoons of caramel syrup. Top with a squirt of whipped cream and a drizzle of caramel.

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Chocolate Soda
3 tablespoons chocolate syrup 3 tablespoons heavy cream Crushed ice Club soda or other sparkling water

Add syrup and cream to the bottom of a glass and mix well. Add crushed ice to nearly full, and then top off with club soda.

Cherry Ale
Ice 2 oz cherry juice oz lime cordial Ginger ale

Fill a juice glass with ice. Add 2 oz. cherry juice, oz lime cordial and top with ginger ale. Garnish with several cherries.

Hot Mint Malt

6 chocolate-covered cream-filled mint patties 5 cups milk 1/2 cups chocolate malted milk powder 1 teaspoon vanilla extract Whipped cream

In crock-pot, combine mint patties with milk, malted milk powder, and vanilla. Heat on low for 2 hours. Beat with rotary beater until frothy. Pour into cups; top with whipped cream.

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays Cranberry Cooler 1 1/4 cups cranberry juice chilled 1/2 cup ginger ale chilled 1/4 cup unsweetened orange juice

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Combine cranberry juice, ginger ale and orange juice in a pitcher. Pour over ice.

Maple Soda
2 tablespoons maple syrup Soda water

Fill Collins glass with ice. Add maple syrup. Cover glass with shaker and shake. Enjoy.

Crimson Sparkler
2 oz. Pomegranate juice 2 oz. Currant juice 10 oz Marintellis sparkling cider Pomegranate seeds

Place a sugar cube at the bottom of a champagne/flute glass. Add the pomegranate juice, then the currant juice. Add a spoonful of pomegranate seeds. Top off with sparkling cider.

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How to Make Polar Express Hot Chocolate

Hot chocolate has a surprisingly manly history. The first record of this drink was obtained by Hernan Cortes when he made contact with the Aztecs. The Aztecs drank an interesting concoction made from ground up cocoa beans, cornmeal, chilies, cinnamon, and anise seeds. Drinking this beverage was a privilege; only warriors and nobles could consume it. The emperor Montezuma drank nothing but hot chocolate and would consume dozens of cups a day. Writing to King Charles the V, Cortes called cocoa, The divine drink which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits man to walk for a whole day without food." Today hot chocolate is the undisputed king of the winter season. It will warm up your insides after shoveling snow. And whipping up a batch for your kids after they come in from sledding will grant you uber-cool dad status. While we often use the terms hot chocolate and hot cocoa interchangeably, theyre actually different drinks. Hot cocoa is made with cocoa powder which has had the cocoa butter removed from it. Hot chocolate is made with real chocolate melted into milk. The difference is like night and day. If all youve ever had is corn syrup and additive laden packets of Swiss Miss, its time you reached for a mug of the rich and chocolately real McCoy.

"The train was filled with other children, all in their pajamas and nightgowns. We sang Christmas carols and ate candies with nougat centers as white as snow. We drank hot cocoa as thick and rich as melted chocolate bars. Outside, the light of towns and villages flickered in the distance as the Polar Express raced northward." -The Polar Express, by Chris Van Allsburg

Polar Express Hot Chocolate

This recipe makes the rich, thick hot chocolate that is often referred to as drinking chocolate. Its great for an adult dessert or for sending your kids off to sleep on Christmas Eve with visions of the Polar Express pulling up to the curb. 1 can evaporated milk (12 oz) 3 T cocoa 1/4 cup brown sugar 3 oz dark chocolate, chopped 1 t vanilla extract

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A Man's Guide to the Holidays 1/4 t of cinnamon 1/4 cup heavy cream

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Add all but the cream to a small saucepan over medium low heat. Stir constantly, until the chocolate is melted and the liquid fully heated. (Do not let boil.) Add the cream and heat another minute or so.

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The AntiClark Griswold: Simplifying the Christmas Light Experience

In the classic holiday movie, Christmas Vacation, Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) sets out to create the most epic home Christmas light extravaganza in holiday history. He wants to cover every square inch of his house with 200,000 Italian-imported twinkling Christmas lights. But because hes Clark Griswold, things go wrong from the get go. First, all the lights are in a huge, impossible to untie knot. When he actually gets started with hanging the lights on the house, he falls off the ladder, gets back up, staples his hand to the roof, falls off the roof, hangs onto and then rips off the gutter, and makes a piece of ice fly out of it and through his neighbors window, breaking their stereo. Whew. But Clark perseveres and he gets the lights put up. All 250 strands of them. He brings his family out for the big lighting. A drum roll commences. He plugs in the socket and.. nothing. The lights dont work. His unimpressed family goes back into the house, leaving Clark by himself to wonder where he went wrong. Below we provide a few tips on avoiding the same fate as Clark Griswold. Heres how to create a dazzling light display like a pro.

Christmas Lights Types

C-7 and C-9 incandescent lights. C-7 and C-9 lights are the classic Christmas light bulbs your grandpa probably used when decorating his house. C-7 and C-9 lights are made of either 5- or 7-watt painted glass light bulbs (like the ones you use in nightlights). The painted bulbs and incandescent lighting combine to create a soft, warm glow that will cheer the hearts of kids from 1 to 92. This type of light strand is usually arranged in a parallel system, so if one bulb goes out, the other bulbs wont follow suit. Despite their warm glow and reliability, a few drawbacks to C-7 and C-9 lights exist. The bulbs are usually glass, so they break easily. When they do break, youll typically have to use needle nose pliers to remove the bulb. Also, because theyre incandescent

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and big, they use more energy and dont last as long as their more modern mini or LED brothers. Prepare for your energy bill to shoot up around the holidays when youre using these bad boys. Mini-lights. Mini-lights are, well, mini. Theyre usually used on indoor Christmas trees, but you can use them on bushes and trees outside, too. Unlike C-7 or C-9 light bulbs, mini-lights are plastic and thus more durable. Mini-lights also use less energy than C-7 and C-9 lights. Also, mini-lights are set in a series. In older varieties, if one light goes out or is missing, the circuit breaks, and none of the lights on that strand will work. Modern mini-lights are made with internal shunts in the bulb which keep the other lights working if one goes out. However, if you remove the bulb from the socket, the series is broken and the other lights wont work. Strands of 100 and 150-bulb mini-lights usually consist of two or three 50-bulb strands that are set on a parallel circuit. Thus, if one light is missing or burns out and doesnt have a shunt, the lights on that 50-bulb series will go out, but the other lights will continue to work. LED lights. LED (light emitting diode) lights are the latest development in Christmas light technology. LEDs are energy efficient; they use 1/10 th the energy of mini lights and 1/100th the energy of incandescent C-7 bulbs. Because they use less energy, you can connect several strings together without blowing a fuse or creating a fire hazard. You also dont have to worry about one malfunctioning LED light ruining an entire light strand. If one light burns out, the others will keep on working. LEDs also last much longer than other Christmas lights. Some strings can last up to 200,000 hours. Thats 20 years of continuous use. Dang! Finally, LEDs are safer than other light strings because they have cooler bulb temperatures. One drawback to LEDs is their high upfront cost. While you might have to fork over more money when you first purchase LED strands, youll save yourself money in the

C-7 Lights

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long term by reducing energy costs and the amount you spend every year replacing bulbs or faulty light strands.

Some people swear that LEDs just dont emit the warm fire-like glow that incandescent bulbs do. They can thus look a little sterile.

The other downside is that some people swear that LEDs just dont emit the warm firelike glow that incandescent bulbs do. They can thus look a little sterile.

Preparation
Plan. Take a look at your house and decide how you want to hang your lights. Do you want to hang them around the eaves and trim? Do you want some in your garden bushes? Are you going to include awesome animatronic scenes in your front yard? Diagram how you want your house to look. Using a tape measure, measure out your houses length to determine how many feet of Christmas lights youll need. Note where the outlets are on your house and any need for extension cords. Taking a few minutes to plan will save you hours of frustration. Gather your materials and tools. Now that you have your plan, its time to gather your materials and tools. For basic Christmas light jobs youll need the following: Several strings of Christmas lights Light clips for gutters and shingles Nail-on light clips or screw-in hooks Extension cords Needle nose pliers (for removing broken Christmas lights) Extra fuses Extra light bulbs Hammer Ladder

Test the lights. Before hanging up your lights, make sure to test to see if they work. Older light strings wont light up if just one bulb burns out. Even if the string still works with a dead bulb, a missing light can be an eyesore in your holiday light masterpiece. Its easier to check and replace bulbs while theyre on the ground as opposed to being strung up on the highest point on your house.

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Its pretty easy to test your lights. Just plug them into an outlet to see if they all light up. You might notice that only half or a third of the lights on the string will light up. If this is the case, go to the first bulb that doesnt work and replace it with another bulb. Odds are the rest of the lights will start working. If that doesnt work, check for a blown fuse. If you blew a fuse, replace it.

Hanging Lights
Safety first. If you plan on hanging your Christmas lights along your houses eaves and trim, youll more than likely need a ladder. For low hanging eves, a simple stepladder should do the trick. Just remember to place it on a sturdy surface and to not stand past the penultimate rung or you risk falling and breaking your leg. For harder to reach places, youll need to use an extension ladder. Here are a few things to keep in mind when using an extension ladder so you dont end up in the emergency room. Make sure to lock the ladder in place when you extend it. Place the ladder on a firm surface. Never step on the top two rungs. Avoid leaning too far to the side. Angle the ladder for optimal safety. If the ladders base is too close to the wall, the ladder will be unstable, and youre likely to fall backwards when you start climbing. If the ladder base is too far from the wall, the ladder might bend and slide out from underneath you. If you have to lean a ladder against a gutter, place a 2x4 inside the gutter to reinforce it. You dont want to bend your gutter when youre on the ladder.

Hang lights along eaves. If you want to hang the lights around your houses eaves, the easiest way to do it is to use plastic gutter or shingle clips. You can buy them at any hardware store and they only cost a few bucks.

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To use, simply attach them to your gutter or shingles. They have a hook at the bottom where you can hang your Christmas lights. Hang lights along trim. If you want to hang lights around your garage or window trim, use some nail-on plastic clips or screw in hooks. Nail the clips in where you want to hang lights, spacing them about 12 inches apart. If you want, you can leave the clips or hooks in after you take down the lights, saving yourself a chore next Christmas. String the lights in your trees or bushes. You can actually buy mini-lights sets in a mesh formation made for your shrubbery. Just place the mesh of lights over the bush or around a tree trunk and presto! Youre done.

Make Next Year Easier By Storing Christmas Lights Effectively

When the holidays are over and you have to take down the lights, a little forethought in storing them will save you time and frustration next year. After years of wasting time trying to figure out which strand goes where, my dad developed a simple system that eliminated this yearly annoyance. Before he took down the lights one year, he placed a tie-on tag on each strand and labeled it with a simple code so he knew where it should go next year. If a strand went around the garage trim, hed label it GT for garage trim. If it went on the eave over the dining room window, hed label it DE for dining room eave. By doing this, he never had problems with light strands being too short or too long for a certain part of the house because each strand had its place. After youve tagged everything appropriately, take the time to carefully coil up your lights. Tie them off with a yellow garbage bag tie and place them in a big plastic bin. Taking the extra time to do this will save you from spending the afternoon untangling the huge Gordian knot of Christmas lights that mysteriously forms while they sit in storage.

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How to Wrap a Christmas Gift

Youve bought all your Christmas presents. Now you have to wrap em. When it comes to wrapping Christmas presents, men tend to be, well, pretty sucky at it. You can usually tell when a man wrapped a gift. Wrinkly paper has been folded in every which way and secured with duct tape. Many men think this display of masculine ineptitude is charming and funny. But honestly, it just ruins the gift. Part of the appeal of gifts is anticipating opening them, and the way the gift looks plays an important part in creating that anticipation. Think about it. Which gift under the Christmas tree do you go after first? Okay, after the biggest one? Its probably the one thats wrapped the nicest. Heres a quick guide on how to wrap a present like a professional.

The Materials
Wrapping paper Clear Scotch tape Scissors

Prep
Find a nice open space. Youll need plenty of room to lay out the wrapping paper. Ive found the best place to wrap presents is on the floor in a locked bedroom. Youve got plenty of room, and youre protected from the peering eyes of eager gift recipients. Play some tunes. Wrapping gifts can be a pain. To help get you in the holiday spirit, play some Christmas tunes. We recommend classic crooners like Bing Crosby and Johnny Mathis. Have a drink. If music isnt enough to make gift-wrapping an enjoyable experience, grab a holiday drink. Try one of the many festive cocktail and mocktail recipes we discussed earlier. Wrapping is all the more palatable when you have something to wet your whistle.

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Remove the price tag. Before you start wrapping, make sure to remove the price tag from the product. Its tacky to let the receiver know that how much (or little) you spent on the gift. Removing the price tag is also essential if youre playing Santa, unless of course youve told your kids that Santa buys his gifts at Toys R Us instead of making them at the North Pole.

Basic Gift Wrapping

Place the gift on the wrapping paper. Unroll the wrapping paper and place the gift upside-down in the center of the paper. You should have enough paper to allow the two lengthwise edges of the paper to meet with a two inch overlap. You should also have some extra paper at each end of the gift. There should be enough to fold down and cover the ends of the gift completely. Fold the lengthwise edges together and tape. Grab some Scotch tape and tape the wrapping paper edges together where they overlap. Make sure everything is nice and tight. Create the end flaps. Position the gift so the end is facing towards you. Fold the right and left side in and tape them down to the box. What you should have now are two triangle flaps: one on the top and one on the bottom. Fold the top flap down. Pull everything tight and form a crease. Tape down to the box. Fold the bottom flap up. Same thing. Just with the bottom flap. Repeat on the other end of the gift. The bow. You should have a nicely wrapped gift now. But it probably still looks boring. You have several options for adding the finishing touch. The easiest is to slap one of those pre-made bows with the sticky back onto the gift. Dont place it right in the center. Instead, place it on one of the corners. The tag. Make sure to put a tag on there so people know who its for and who its from.

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The Candy Wrap

This gift-wrapping technique is much easier than the one above. I call it the candy wrap technique because your gift will look like a piece of hard candy wrapped in paper. Its good to use with smaller or oddly shaped gifts. Follow the steps exactly as you did above, except instead of creating flaps and folding them down, twist the excess paper at the ends and tie it off with ribbon. It should look like this (maybe not with flowers on the ends-we're going for neat-not sissy):

Part of the appeal of gifts is anticipating opening them, and the way the gift looks plays an important part in creating that anticipation.

It should look like this... minus the foo-fooey flower

Gift Bags
If wrapping gifts is just too much for you or if youre pressed for time, an easy option is to just use gifts bags. Gift bags are also good for oddly shaped presents. Theres not much to using a gift bag. Get a holiday themed gift bag that your present will fit in. Wrap the gift in some tissue paper and place it in the bag. Top off the bag with a bit more tissue paper so the recipient cannot see the present simply by looking in the bag. Poof it out much like you would with a pocket square so it looks nice. Slap a tag on there and badabing! You have a wrapped present.

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How to Be Santa Claus

If your family celebrates Christmas, you'll have the privilege of annually taking on the role of Santa Claus. This is a big responsibility. For the first six or eight years of your kid's life, you'll be playing the role of the jolly old fat man who makes dreams come true. If you do it well, your kids imaginations will have plenty of magical moments to feast on. If you blow it, your kids may become prematurely jaded about Christmas. Being Santa is no easy task; kids today are a cynical bunch, and the truth about Mr. Claus is only a Google search away. The following are ways to preserve the Christmas magic and keep your kids believing in St. Nick for as long as possible. Hide the gifts. The most common Santa slayer for kids is finding their gifts, the same gifts supposedly being made in Santas workshop, sitting in their parents closet. Around age 6 or 7 kids start getting suspicious about the Santa story and will commence a thorough search of the house to find their Christmas booty. And these are professional hide-n-seekers, so dont fool yourself; they know every nook and cranny in the house. Your safest bet is to stash the presents at an offsite location. If you have space at your office, keep the presents there. If that's not an option, see if you can stash the gifts at a friend's house who 1) has no kids, 2) has infants, or 3) has older kids who are in on the Santa jig. Track Santa on radar. Even little tykes are pretty technologically savvy these days, and look to modern gadgets for affirmation of what is real. Every year NORAD radar realistically tracks Santas journey around the globe. You can show this to your kids as proof that Santa is indeed on the move. Get the kids to bed. Read the kiddos A Night Before Christmas and/or The Polar Express and then tuck them into bed. But theyre going to have a tough time getting to sleep; kids are wired on Christmas Eve night, excitedly thinking about all the cool stuff that they're going to get in the morning. To make sure they actually doze off so you and your wife can get to work, tell them that Santa Claus has a sleep detector and will only come to homes that have sleeping children. If that doesn't work, give them a sippy cup filled with eggnog and a bit of rum.

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As you put out the presents, take turns being on Watch for rouge children. Kids will either try to sneak a peek at Santa Claus himself or will look to see if he's left their booty under the tree yet. If at all possible, try to catch your kids before they make it near the living area where the tree and gifts are waiting. Threaten them with a lump of coal if they don't get back to bed. If you can't stop your kid in time and he catches you in the act, you can lie and maintain their faith in Santa or tell them the sad truth that Santa isn't real. If you go with the more fun option, i.e. lying, tell your kid that you and your wife were just putting out Mommys and Daddy's gifts for each other and that Santa had already come. Swiftly get them back to bed so you can finish the job. Assembly. Some presents, like bikes, will need some assembly. If possible, do any assembly offsite in order to reduce the ruckus of you going through your toolbox. If that's not an option, get the tools you need ready during the day. Read the instructions over so you have an idea of what you're doing. You have limited time, so the less time you spend scratching your head figuring out how to put the darn thing together the better. Place the presents under the tree and fill the stockings. You should wrap all presents before Christmas Eve. All you should have to do is put them under the tree. While you're bringing out the gifts, have your wife stuff the stockings with goodies. In the run up to Christmas, remember to hide the stocking goodies as well as you hide the big presents. My family always gets oranges in the bottom of our stockings. One year I counted the amount of oranges in the fridge the night before Christmas. There were seven. Sure enough the next morning there were only two left. The other five were in my familys stockings. With a heavy heart, I put two and two together. Leave evidence. Unlike most men who sneak into houses late at night, you want to make sure Santa leaves plenty of evidence behind. Leave some soot boot prints on the

It's best to store your presents at an off-site location, far from prying eyes.

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carpet near the fireplace. Eat the milk and cookies, leaving some half eaten cookies on the plate. If the kids leave carrots for the reindeer, leave some carrot stubs in the chimney. Maybe leave a cool gold button near the Christmas tree and tell your kids that it must have fallen off Santa's suit. Get to bed. You won't get much sleep tonight, but try to get as much shuteye as you can. You're going to need all the energy you can get on Christmas Day.

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Happy Holidays From the Art of Manliness!

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