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The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113
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The Arts in Psychotherapy From destruction to creation, from silence to speech: Poetry therapy principles and practices for working with suicide grief Shanee Stepakoff, PhD, PTR Private Practice, 754 E. 6th Street, Suite 2B, New York, NY 10009, United States a r t i c l e i n f o This article is dedicated to the memory of Liam Rector, poet and instructor in the MFA program in creative writing at New School University, who died by suicide in August 2007. Keywords: Suicide bereavement Traumatic grief Suicide survivors Poetry therapy Expressive writing Creative arts therapies a b s t r a c t Survivors of suicide must contend not only with traumatic grief but also with shame, stigma, and silence. Poetry therapy is a powerful tool for healing in this population. The utilization of preexisting poems, along with the expressive writing of poems, letters, and journals, contributes to the desensitiza- tion of traumatic memories and helps the bereaved move beyond formless anguish toward a capacity for the verbal representation of psychological pain. Further, creative expression serves as a means for rejecting the implicit message of destructiveness that characterizes suicide. The author describes a variety of techniques that can be used as part of self-directed efforts at psychological repair (i.e., auto-poetic healing), as well as with individuals or groups in the context of professionally facilitated treatment. 2009 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. Introduction Grief refers to the intense emotional distress that typically follows the death of a loved one. Factors that can make a loss particularly difcult include suddenness, violence, and/or a per- ception that the death was preventable (Doka, 1996). The causes of such losses include medical conditions (e.g., heart attack), acci- dents, homicide, suicide, terrorism, and war. The term traumatic grief serves to capture the idea that these types of losses are often inherently traumatic, and when they occur, the bereaved may show signs of both trauma and grief. In this article, I focus on one type of traumatic grief, namely, that which occurs in the aftermath of a suicide. Researchers, clini- cians, and the bereaved themselves have observed that the suicide of a loved one is almost always exceedingly painful (Baugher & Jordan, 2002; Carlson, 2000; Stillion, 1996). Unlike most other forms of death, in many cultures suicide has a long history of being viewed as sinful or dishonorable (Stillion, 1996). For exam- ple, suicide was criminalized in England in the 10th century, and remained on the criminal statutes throughout Europe until the Enlightenment (Jamison, 1999; Lieberman, 2003). Medieval law supported such practices as abusing the suicides corpse (includ- ing driving a stake through the heart), refusal to bury the deceased in consecrated ground, seizure of property, and punishment of the E-mail address: drshaneestep@aol.com. suicides family. Suicide was decriminalized in the United States during the 19th century, but remained a crime in Britain until 1961 (Jamison, 1999; Lieberman, 2003). Religious and moral condem- nations of the deceased person have persisted in contemporary times (Robinson, 2001). The linguistic practice of using the verb commit just before the word suicide still leads many peo- ple to unconsciously associate suicide with crime (e.g., adultery, murder). Further, in the aftermath of suicide, it is common for acquaintances, relatives, neighbors and even strangers to blame the persons closest relatives and friends for the death (Ross, 1997). Thus, in addition to all of the factors that make any death painful, and that make traumatic losses especially excruciating, survivors of suicide must also contend with feelings of guilt, stigmatization, and shame. Many survivors remain silent about their anguish for years, either because others have conveyed the message that they are not comfortable with the topic or because the survivor fears social disapproval and rejection of him/herself and/or the lost loved one (Lukas & Seiden, 1997). Yet in order for healing to occur, it is nec- essary for the bereaved to move froma state of formless anguish to one in which the pain can be symbolized or represented, either in words or innon-verbal media suchas drawings, music, anddance. It is also necessary to move beyond self-imposed or socially enforced isolation into a state of meaningful contact with at least one other human being. In addition, suicide is generally viewed as an act of destruction. Hence, recovery from suicide loss can be facilitated by an active, willful countering of destructive tendencies. Any form of creativity 0197-4556/$ see front matter 2009 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. doi:10.1016/j.aip.2009.01.007 106 S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 can serve this purpose, but engagement in the expressive arts may yield particular benets. Maintaining silence about the experience of loss, and about the loved ones life and death, prevents survivors from experiencing the sense of solace and release that result from authentic self-expression. In this movement from silence to speech, poetry therapy can be a particularly helpful tool. Poetry therapy refers to the utilization of poetry and related forms of literature and creative writing in order to improve psychological functioning (Mazza, 1999). This can take place in a solitary, spontaneous way or in a formal professional setting. Usually, it is most effective to engage in a combination of receptive and expressive approaches, either within each session or across a series of sessions. Receptive methods: Self-directed and facilitated Receptive methods of poetry therapy are those that rely on the utilization of preexisting poems (Mazza, 1999). This usually refers to poems that have beenpublished incollections, anthologies, liter- ary journals, and so forth, or that are circulated among individuals or on the Internet. It can also refer to songs. The poems or songs do not have to specically mention suicide; in fact, most do not. Rather, they capture particular aspects of the experience of over- whelming grief (Stepakoff, 2002). Mazza (1999) proposed the term receptive/prescriptive in order to differentiate this way of work- ing from expressive/creative approaches, which focus on the act of writing poems. Receptive methods are generally employed in two different ways. Inthe rst, the bereavedpersonchooses a poemthat is mean- ingful to him or her, and that captures a particular aspect of his or her feelings and experiences, and either reads it to him/herself or shares it withothers. I call this receptive methodself-directed (for those who are not in a formal clinical setting) or client-directed (for those who engage in this effort as part of their work in coun- seling or psychotherapy). A second way that receptive methods of poetry therapy are employed is referred to as a facilitated or therapist-guided approach (Stepakoff, 2003). These terms refer to situations in which the therapist or group facilitator carefully chooses a poemthat s/he feelsbasedonhis or her ownlife, experi- ences with other individuals or groups, input fromother clinicians, and/or intuitionwill help survivors focus on and grapple with particular aspects of their grief. In these situations, the facilita- tor/therapist supports the client/group in using the preexisting poem as a springboard for talking about their own experiences and concerns. This method is described in detail in the classic text Biblio/Poetry Therapy: The Interactive Process (Hynes & Hynes- Berry, 1994). In the pages that follow, there are examples of both self-directed and therapist-guided receptive poetry therapy with survivors of suicide. Self-directed Many survivors of suicide have reported that in the aftermath of the death, they felt compelled to search for or cite preexisting poems and songs that expressed what they were not able to nd the words to express, and that they found solace when they located a poem or song that was salient. For example, one survivor came to a therapy session with a photocopy of Adrienne Richs (1991) Tattered Kaddish, a poemthat is a poignant tribute to people who have died by suicide. She read it aloud to the therapist, and spoke about what it evoked in her. One of the most common methods of self-directed receptive poetry therapy is the utilization of preexisting poems or songs on memorial websites, booklets, or cards. One couple with whom my colleague, Dr. Jack Jordan, and I worked, whose son died by suicide, chose to place the poem A Litany of Remembrance (Gittelsohn, 1975) in a card they sent to all who had attended his funeral: In the rising of the sun and in its going down, In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, In the beginning of the year and when it ends. . . We will remember him. Numerous examples of the utilizationof poems andsongs canbe found on websites created by survivors. For example, Faye Martin created a website in memory of her daughter, Lisa, who ended her life at age 23 (http://www.lisalamb3.com). The website features a poem by Maya Angelou (When Great Souls Die), several songs (e.g., Celine Dionnes My Heart Will Go On, Julie Golds Heaven as sung by Bette Midler, Precious Child by Karen Taylor-Good), and several inspirational quotes, along with some original poems by Lisas relatives. A website created by Rea de Miranda (http://Emile-de- Miranda.last-memories.com), whose son, Emile, died by suicide at age 20, contains a powerful song by Simple Plan entitled, How Could This Happen to Me? The lyrics aptly express the thoughts and feelings of a person who is suicidal, but could refer equally well to the feelings of the bereaved survivor: I cant stand the pain and I cant make it go away. . . I wanna start this over again So I try to hold on. . . and I cant explain what happened. . . . No, I cant stand the pain. How could this happen to me? For additional examples of memorial websites createdbysuicide survivors, most of which contain a combination of preexisting and original writing, see Appendix A. Facilitated/guided Although survivors are quite adept at choosing poems that are meaningful to themand that they feel capture important aspects of their experiences and emotions, there are many situations in which the facilitator or therapist may be better equipped to select poems than are the survivors. In these situations, the facilitator or thera- pist uses a preexisting poem as a catalyst that will increase clients willingness to talk about their own experiences and concerns. Reg- istered poetry therapists, who have undergone a rigorous process of study, practice, and credentialing, are specially trained to iden- tify poems that are likely to serve as safe, effective springboards for individual and group exploration. My colleague Dr. Jack Jordan and I co-facilitated several cycles of a 10-session, biweekly Suicide Grief Support Group (SGSG) (See Table 1). Such groups can be helpful at any stage of healing, even Table 1 Topics for suicide grief support groups (Jordan, 2002). Session Topic 1 Orientation and introductions 2 Remembering our loved ones 3 Psychological reactions to suicide 4 Coping strategies 5 Social reactions 6 Making sense of suicide 7 Impact on families 8 Continuing bonds 9 Holding on while going on 10 Commemorating and ending S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 107 decades after the loss, but are especially meaningful for persons who are newly bereaved (i.e., within the preceding year). Nearly all survivors can benet from group support, as long as they have intact reality-testing, adequate social skills, and a capacity for affect regulation. We used a preexisting poem in virtually every session, with the intention of deepening the participants dialogue and explo- ration of the designated theme. Poems were selected with the intent of achieving four main therapeutic goals: (a) to describe, in a fresh, creative manner, common aspects of the grieving process after a suicide, thereby helping participants feel less isolated; (b) to model exceptionally honest and brave self-expression, thereby freeing participants to express themselves more frankly and fully; (c) to give external form to internal, difcult-to-articulate emo- tions and perceptions, thereby helping participants contain their psychological pain; and (d) to serve as objects of aesthetic beauty, thereby instilling in participants renewed feelings of vitality and hope. A copy of the specially selected poemwas provided to each par- ticipant, and either a co-leader or participant read the poemaloud. Sometimes, the poem would be read aloud by several participants, because hearing a poem in different voices can deepen its impact. After hearing the poem, participants were invited to discuss their responses, and to explore how the themes in the poem resembled, or differed from, issues they were struggling with in their own grieving process. For example, early in the cycle, we used a poignant 15-line poem by William Stafford (1990). Staffords eldest son, Bret, died by sui- cide in 1988. By accurately capturing the experience of traumatic grief, in addition to modeling candid self-expression and touching participants at the level of emotion rather than intellect, the poem paved the way for group members to share about the tragic loss that had befallen them and their families. The title, Tragedy, is very evocative because it consists of a single word that potently conveys the essence of suicide: It happens. You knew it could. No one ever said it wouldnt, and now it has. The world just goes onthe air moves, trees keep standing there and maybe grieve a little, the sun stays steady. . . (1990) Some survivors were exposed to the extreme trauma of nding their loved one seriously injured or deceased after the suicidal act. For many, however, the most traumatic moment was the instant in which they learned that their loved one had died. Indeed, the memory of being informed of the death is often associated with stronger and more frequent traumatic repetitions (e.g., ashbacks, nightmares, intrusive images) than the actual time, place, and sit- uation in which the death occurred. In order to help clients talk about this difcult topic, I have used a poem entitled How Bad News Comes, by Debra Marquart (1998), excerpted below: A telephone is ringing like an emergency in a room down the hall, I think of the one to whom bad news is coming. . . Unclipping an earring as she leans in to hear the voice on the other end saying, Ive got some bad news, feeling in that long second before the words come the difference between the way it was and the way it will be. . . This poem has a great deal of specic sensory imagery, a feature that serves to stimulate participants own sensory recollections. Almost every line is noticeably short (e.g., three or four words), thus conveying the sense of urgency, breathlessness, and anxiety that accompany the receiving of catastrophic news. After hearing the poemreadaloudby the facilitator, groupmembers tendto feel a greater readiness to share about their own experiences of learning that their loved one had died. In exploring survivors coping strategies as well as the social reactions they must deal with, Dr. Jordan and I also found it help- ful to use a 15-line poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar (1993), an AfricanAmerican poet who wrote fromthe late 19th into the early 20th century. The poem(excerpted below) is entitled We Wear the Mask. We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes. . . Why should the world be over-wise, In counting all our tears and sighs? Nay, let them only see us while We wear the mask. . . We chose this poem because Dunbar skillfully captures aspects of the experience of coping with a suicide. More specically, sur- vivors have noted that even when their grief is still very intense, after a certain period of time they feel that they have to hide the full reality of their paininorder to functionwithsome semblance of normalcy inday-to-day life. Survivors oftenreport that their friends want them to behave as though they have gotten over the death, andthat this results inself-censorshipandhiding(masking) of ones real emotions. Thus, thepoemserves as a catalyst for dialogueabout these concerns. Another important issue for suicide survivors is the recognition, reported by most, that even though they can still have rewarding, meaningful lives, they will never stop mourning, missing, and long- ing for their loved one. A poem that can serve to open up this topic for exploration is the early twentieth century poet Edna St. Vincent Millays (2001) sonnet Time Does Not Bring Relief: Time does not bring relief; you all have lied Who told me time would ease me of my pain! I miss him in the weeping of the rain; I want him at the shrinking of the tide. . . (excerpt) In this poem, Millay deftly uses imagery and rhythm to poignantly express the idea that no matter where she goes or what she does, she continues to think of her loved one. For example, if she visits a site that her loved one frequented, then she nds the site brimming with memories of him, yet if she enters a place in which he never set foot, she becomes acutely aware of his absenceAnd so stand stricken, so remembering him. Dr. Jordan and I found that in the Suicide Grief Support Group, use of this poem led to productive discussions about the experience of grief. For example, many survivors noted that their recovery from the trauma of suicide loss was not a simple linear process in which they felt better and better each day, but rather more like a sharply winding, bumpy road in which there were many ups and downs, twists and turns. They pointed out that even though the overall trajectory tended to be toward a greater capacity to endure the loss, a trigger such as the anniversary of the death or other reminder (e.g., a particular song, scent, etc.) could catapult them back to a grief nearly as intense as that which they experienced in the rst weeks after the death. One survivor with whom we worked felt that the poem expressed her feelings so aptly that she chose to read it aloud at a memorial service for her son. 108 S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 Asonnet is a poemof 14 lines that follows a strict rhyme scheme and a specic structure. Most English sonnets employ iambic pen- tameter. In receptive poetry therapy, sonnets can be useful for dealing with particularly difcult topics because the formprovides containment and the rhythm provides solace. Indeed, some have suggested that iambic pentameter has a natural comforting effect because it is similar to the rhythm of the human heartbeat, which infants hear when in proximity to their mothers (Ibrahim, 2006; Varon, 2008). Expressive methods: Self-directed and facilitated Receptive methods of poetry therapy are usually combined with expressive methods. The latter are sometimes referred to as expressive writing (Lepore & Smyth, 2002; Mazza, 1999) or poem-making (Fox, 1997), and can be understood as the process whereby survivors engage in their own, original writing. This can take various forms, among the most common of which are jour- naling, letter-writing, and the creation of poems. It can also include oral andimprovisational poem-making, inwhichthewords arespo- kenaloudrather thaninscribed(Spring, 2003; Stepakoff &Marzelli, 2007). Expressive methods encompass the writing of poems by indi- viduals as well as collaborative writing by dyads, families, groups, or communities (e.g., in which each person contributes a line or phrase). The theoretical foundations of expressive methods include the concepts of catharsis and externalization, that is, the human need to symbolize or represent, via external form, emotions, and images that have been purely internal. As with receptive meth- ods, expressive approaches can be self-directed or professionally facilitated. Self-directed In the aftermath of suicide, the process of writing poems about the loved one and/or the death may help to counter silence, stigma, and shame. When survivors are successful at converting their unformulated, raw emotions and sensations into the medium of language, they often feel a sense of relief. This positive effect is somewhat paradoxical, because for most survivors the process of writing about the loss is excruciatingly painful. It is possible, thus, that a phenomenon similar to desensitization occurs, in which by spending a certain amount of time focusing on and writing about the pain, the survivor becomes better able to bear it. This view is consistent with ideas explored in recent work on the physiological and psychological benets of expressive writing (Pennebaker, 1997, 2002). The material created during this solitary endeavor may be kept private, sharedwitha select groupof friends or relatives, or brought into the public domain via publication, websites, or open readings. This decision to bring the work out of the closed room and into the public sphere is consistent with Judith Hermans (1992) observa- tions on the last stage of trauma recovery, in which an important component is regaining the capacityfor meaningful participationin civic life. The open sharing of original work can be psychologically and socially ameliorative because it directly counters the destruc- tive psychosocial dynamics that characterize isolation, stigma, and silence. Poem-making Self-directed expressive poetry therapy can be viewed, essen- tially, as a form of auto-poetic healing (Stepakoff, 2007b). This termrefers to processes whereby a trauma survivor utilizes written or oral poem-making as part of a spontaneous process of self-repair. When people ask, What is poetry? I sometimes answer, Poetry is a form of speech that naturally arises when the heart is full. It has beenobservedinnumerous contexts that whenevents of enormous magnitude occur, events that are difcult to cognitively and emo- tionally assimilate, the urge to make poems is intensied. Although this innate desire to put feelings, experiences, and memories into poetic language is evident with regard to many forms of trauma, the experience of mourning is often associated with a particularly strong desire to write poems, perhaps because of the universal need to elegize and memorialize lost loved ones (Berger, 1988; Bowman, Sauers, & Halfacre, 1994; Mazza, 2001; Stepakoff, 2002, 2003). The writer who engages in an instinctive process of poem- making does not necessarily recognize that she or he is striving to heal from trauma. She or he may feel that the identity of artist supersedes that of trauma survivor, and that the primary aimis aes- thetic value rather than psychological repair. Nevertheless, in the aftermath of a signicant loss, it can be argued that the effort to write poems arises from a psychological need to come to terms with the enormity of what has occurred. There are many examples of accomplished, recognized poets who have collections in which a substantial portion of the poems address the struggle to cognitively and/or emotionally process the suicide of a loved one. Among the most noteworthy are Nick Flynn (2000) (mother); Jeffrey Harrison(2006) (brother); andTedHughes (1998) (wife). In addition to these collections, in which suicide grief is a major theme, there are numerous examples of individual poems that point to a similar process. These include The Portrait by Stanley Kunitz (2000) (father), and A Memorial: Son Bret and For a Lost Child by William Stafford (1998a,b). Poets who have addressed their experience of losing a husband to suicide include Ruth Stone (1987, 2002, 2004), Virginia Hamilton Adair (1996), and Adrienne Rich (1973, 1986, 1991). The suicide of a close friend is explored in poems by Erica Jong (1991a,b), Maxine Kumin (1997a,b, 2001), and Anne Sexton (1982). A closely related approach is to write a song about the suicide, in which the lyrics serve essentially the same function as the words of a poem, except that they are intended to be sung rather than spoken or read. An example is Chicken Wire, by Joe Pernice (1998), which focuses on the singersongwriters effort to come to terms with the suicide of a friend. In addition to the above-mentioned examples of auto-poetic healing by professional writers, there are countless examples of non-professionals engaging in spontaneous writing as a tool for self-repair. In my interactions with diverse individuals and families bereaved by suicide, many survivors have provided me with exam- ples of the writing they did on their own as part of their efforts to self-heal. Indeed, I have found that the urge to write poems is amazingly widespread among survivors, even those who had never written poems before the suicide. Beloware some excerpts frompoems by suicide survivors. These individuals consider their breaking of silence to be an important part of their recovery, and therefore have requested that their real names be included: The sunshine is dimmer, the moon glows less bright The stars do not twinkle as serenely at night. No yearning to explore the new fallen snow Or sit by a warm crackling re all aglow. Nothings the same since you left us that day. Not autumns bright colors, nor spring owers in May. Not 4th of July sparklers, or summertime swimming. Not Thanksgiving turkey with all of the trimmings. . . I asked God to keep you from being so sad and to quiet the turmoil that made you so mad. . . Its just that it hurts so much to let go. There are so many things I still want you to know. Things left unsaid, left undone and untold that ll me with guilt and leave my heart cold. . . S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 109 And so it will go on, the rest of my years, yearning for answers, ghting back tears. excerpt from a poem by Diane, whose son, Pete, ended his life at age 25. One spring day, not long ago You tore my heart in two, and snatched away one precious child: The child you took was you. I struggle now, to know you; I never did, I fear. The world you shared has shattered. Your voice silent, once so near. Oh spring day, so long ago, your smile so real, so sweet; The child I knew, so full of joy, I long again to greet. I struggle now to see you. So happy you were, then. I struggle to forgive you, though I love you, just the same. Donna, whose daughter, Shari Ann, ended her life at age 16. Letter-writing Sometimes survivors of suicide will write poems in which they directly address their lost loved one. In many instances, they may wish to write pieces that are longer and that are perceived as less constrained by formal and aesthetic requirements than are poems. The writing of letters can be a useful approach (Vance, 1998). Often, survivors will feel a particular desire towrite letters tothe lovedone on important occasions, such as yearly birthdays or anniversaries of the death. Carol de Clercq, a member of an online support group called Par- ents of Suicide (POS), wrote a series of letters to her daughter, Sara Dawn, after the latter died by suicide at age 26. She has titled this unpublished manuscript Letters to Sara. In explaining her experi- ence of writing these letters over the course of several years, Carol remarked: These letters to her are my thoughts, my feelings, my percep- tions, and my actions in response to my loss. . . They honestly portray my process of grief. They showmy evolution, and some- times my stasis and even deterioration during the process. . . It was cathartic for me and necessary in order for my life to go on. . . I want the evolution of my grief to be seen exactly as it was felt. . . I want the pain to be felt by the reader. . . I want all of the feelings and thoughts to be seen as they were. . . I can only hope andpray that it will. . .helpsome other mother who is struggling withthe unbearable andunimaginable painassociatedwiththis type of tragic loss. (2008, personal communication) Rosana, who is likewise a member of POS, and whose 18-year- old son, Ian, died by suicide, has similarly used letters to her son, written over a several-year period, as a way of coping with her loss and preserving her relationship with her son. She remarked, From the day my sondied, I have writtenletters tohimas a way of holding on to our connection. . . My letters have changed in tone somewhat fromthe early days of our familys tragedy to the more recent ones (2008, personal communication): Dear Ian, Today is such a beautiful day. . . Maybe thats why my heart is hurting so much I can barely breathe. If only I could share the beauty of this day with you. . . Do you knowhowmuch we miss you? Do you know how much we love you?. . . Oh. . ., why did you leave? You tore my heart right out of my chest. Do you know howspecial you were to everyone who ever met you? I hear the samethings over andover again. Youweresosmart, sokind, such a good listener, so funny, so wise. . . I can remember you trying to engage me in peek-a-boo in the middle of the night when you were only a fewmonths old. It seems like yesterday. . . What was it that caused you to give up so totally?. . . I cannot bear to think of you as gone. . . Journaling Journaling, like letter-writing, allows for a lengthier, freer style of expressive writing than is typical of poems. It differs fromletter- writing, however, inthat inthe journal the survivor usually does not address someone directly, in an I-Thou format, but instead writes about his or her thoughts, feelings, and memories. Below are two examples of journaling by survivors of suicide. The rst consists of a single entry, by a woman whose daughter, Katie, ended her life at age 28. The second is a series of entries written over the course of nearly 10 months, by a woman whose 17-year-old son died by suicide. Dancing in the living room to rock and roll songs . . . sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Splashing each other with water from the puddles after a summers rain. . . sometimes a lot, some- times a little. Walking in the mornings around the block for exercise . . . sometimes slower, sometimes quicker. . . Cranking up the radio in the car . . . sometimes singing, sometimes no. I must savor the memories of the good times. . ., for . . . there are no more to be had. (Shirley Sherwood, used with permission) 8-4-02 I lost Ben on July 19, 2002. We lost Ben. I lost my sonmy youngest. The grief is unbearable and life will never be the same. I feel as though Im lost in a fog with no senses. I tor- ture myself with ways I could have prevented it. If only I had stayed home that day. . . Questions assail meand there are no answersexcept my Ben is gone. How can that be? 10-13-02 I dont remember writing the last [8-4-02] entry. Its all a blur. It seems so unreal to say Bens death or Bens funeral. I made the rst ower arrangement for his grave a couple of weeks ago. It was a beautiful fall arrangement in a brass container. I put a lizard, frog, buttery and ladybug on the side. I bought a ceramic pumpkin for his grave. His graveanother impossible phrase. 11-10-02 My thoughts are still consumed with grief and loss. I see Ben as I found him [when he died] several times a day. Thoughts of him and the loss of him are the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. . . He is among the rst thoughts I have as I greet each day. Its always a let-down when I realize hes really not here. And even though I know he is with God and I will see him again, I feel deprived of knowing him more fully here on earth. The loss has no boundaries. The grief touches all parts of me. I miss him so much. 5-30-03 Not much new to write. I feel like all I want to say is BenI miss you. I love you. . . The pain of missing him isand has beenso strong. (Mary Butler, used with permission) I have observed that self-directed journaling is a very common response to the suicide of a loved one. DeSalvo (1999) provided a helpful delineation of characteristics that increase the probability that this process will be psychologically benecial. These include: rendering the experience precisely, truthfully, explicitly, and with 110 S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 rich detail; naming emotions, and linking them with the event; describing both positive and negative aspects of the person or event; mentioning insights that have been gained from the painful experience; and telling a complete, complex, and coherent story. By reading survivors letters and journals, as well as their remarks about how they experienced the writing process, I have discerned that writing to or about the lost loved one serves at least seven psychological functions: (1) it is inherently cathartic to unburden ones heart and pour ones feelings onto the page; (2) written self-expression provides an opportunity to communi- cate ones deepest emotions with the reader, thereby allowing for the possibility of being accurately understood and of reducing the terrible sense of isolation that is so often associated with suicide bereavement; (3) the survivor who uses writing to share his or her experience of loss and grief may feel that s/he is thereby able to contribute to the healing of other suicide survivors, and this sense of altruismandmeaning canbe benecial for trauma survivors, par- ticularly during the latter stages of their recovery (Herman, 1992); (4) letters inparticular, thoughtosomeextent alsojournals, provide an opportunity to maintain a sense of ongoing connection with the loved one, who is no longer physically present but remains very much a part of the survivors psyche; and (5) writing can serve as a means of memorializing or paying tribute to the loved one, which can be particularly important given that persons who die by suicide are often unfairly viewed as condemnable and disgraced. Additional aims include: (6) helping the survivor to cognitively pro- cess the loved ones life as a whole and the often mystifying events surrounding the death, and (7) providing an opportunity for the survivor to directly express his or her love rather than keeping it locked within, unspoken. Suicide is always perceived as a particularly tragic form of death and is associated with exceptional agony in the hearts of the bereaved. In its aftermathas the above-described poems, letters andjournals clearlyindicatesurvivors appear tohaveafundamen- tal need to verbally represent the experience of grief. Perhaps this is what Neruda (1969) was alluding to in his line verse falls to the soul like dew to the meadow, or what Shakespeare (1997) hinted at over four centuries ago when he coined the phrase give sorrow words. Facilitated/guided In contrast to auto-poetic healing, facilitated/guided expressive poetry therapy takes place in the context of a formal therapeutic relationship. The particular clinical approach may vary, as long as writing and other expressive verbal techniques are utilized. Such techniques have been used effectively in mutual support groups, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and psychoanalysis, but are most closely associated with the formal discipline known as the expres- sive (or creative arts) therapies. In many instances, intermodal approaches are used, in which survivors combine verbal and non- verbal techniques (for example, writing a poem and then dancing to its sound while someone else reads it aloud, or drawing an image and then listing words that the image calls to mind) (Rogers, 1993). In each session of the Suicide Grief Support Group, Dr. Jor- dan and I introduced writing exercises and activities intended to help participants give voice to their experiences and emotions. Group members approached these activities with earnestness and courage. The goals of the expressive writing essentially paralleled those for the receptive approach: reduce isolation; encourage free expression; give form to painful emotions; and foster hope. The writing assignments had varying degrees of structure and guidance. We usually integrated the expressive writing with the utilization of preexisting poems. More specically, after devoting a portion of the session to participants responses to a preexisting poem, they were typically given a writing exercise, after which they were provided with an opportunity to share what they had written. A common exercise was to ask group members to choose a subjec- tively meaningful word, phrase, or line from the preexisting poem and use that as a starting point for their own writing, that is, as the title or rst line of a new poem. For example, after reading the aforementioned WilliamStafford poem, we provided group members with a blank sheet of paper, and asked them to write the word Tragedy at the top of the page. We then invited them to free-write, that is, write for 5min, non- stop, without self-censoring and without lifting their pens fromthe page. They were told that if they felt stuck, they should just keep writing whatever came to mind. The material that the clients thus generated was potent and moving. Among the most widely used facilitated expressive approaches are poem-making, journaling, and letter-writing. Poem-making Just as a preexisting sonnet has formal characteristics that ren- der it potentially useful for receptive poetry therapy, assigning a particular poetic form for clients to use in the creation of poems can likewise provide a sense of containment for overwhelming emotions. For example, clients can be invited to write a poem of a particular number of lines, or using a particular rhyme scheme or syllabic structure. One expressive method that I have used suc- cessfully with survivors of suicide and other traumatic losses is the acrostic. The acrostic is a form of constrained writing, in which the rst letter of an important word is written vertically down the page, and then each letter is used to begin a line. The total set of lines consti- tutes the acrostic poem, and by underscoring the rst letter of each line, the reader can discern the vertical word. In my clinical work with survivors of traumatic grief, I have adapted this form by invit- ing clients to write the loved ones name vertically down the page, and then use each letter of the name to begin a line that captures a positive quality or memory of the loved one. The form serves as a container for the painful affect associated with the loved one, and fosters a focus on positive images that can serve to counterbalance or, ideally, to overpower the traumatic imagery associated with the manner of death (Stepakoff, 2007a). In addition, the physical page on which the poem is written can serve as a transitional object, thereby allowing the survivor to hold onto the loved one even in his or her physical absence. Below is an example of an acrostic written by a woman with whom I worked; her father, whose name was David, died by his own hand a few years before she composed this poem: Devoted father Active in the community Very thoughtful and caring Insightful and wise Deep feelings, deep thoughts, and a capacity for strong love. Another facilitated poem-making technique, which is used specically in group settings, is called collaborative poem- making. This technique canbe helpful at various stages of a groups existence, but is particularly empowering at the end of a group cycle. It is a technique that is widely used in poetry therapy groups, and empirical research has indicated that it enhances group cohe- siveness (Golden, 1994; Mazza, 1999). In this technique, each member of the group is rst asked to write about his or her own feelings and thoughts. Then, each mem- ber looks over what s/he has written, and selects a line or phrase that is particularly meaningful to him or her. Next, one by one, according to readiness, each person contributes his or her line or phrase, such that one group poem emerges. The group poem weaves the participants diverse feelings into one coherent whole, and serves as both a container in which the S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 111 full range of feelings can be held and a transitional object that participants can keep with themafter the group has ended. As with any form of creative expression, there is usually a sense of satis- faction and wonder at having been able to successfully transform inner truth into outward form. Below is an example of a collaborative poem entitled The Kin- ship of Pain. Each line represents one participants contribution to the whole. This poem was created jointly by the 10 members of a Suicide Grief Support Group that Dr. Jordan and I co-facilitated in 2003: As each session starts and nishes our feelings are shared and I know I am not alone. I will never forget. We are family. We are all survivors. The thing I will take away from the group is the kinship of pain. I would like to remember and read the poems again. This collaborative poem-making technique can be adapted for dyads, families, andlarge groups. For instance, twoparents caneach contribute lines to a poemabout their lost son or daughter; surviv- ing family members can each contribute a line to a poemabout the family member who has died; and a number of people can con- tribute lines to a poem about a death that affects an entire group. Examples of the latter include members of a professional associ- ation who assembled lines to create a poetic tribute to a recently deceased colleague (Rojcewicz, 2002), and a classroom of pupils who each contributed a line to a poem memorializing a peer who had died (Stepakoff, 2003). Journaling Usually, poetry therapy is viewed as including a broad range of expressive writing techniques and, thus, as encompassing the therapeutic use of journal-writing. Some practitioners, however, have viewed journaling as a therapeutic modality in its own right, which has areas of overlap with, but also differences from, tra- ditional poetry therapy (Adams, 1990). Expressive therapists who utilize journaling as a formal modality oftenuse prompts (Adams, 1990), dened as questions the writer seeks to answer in his or her journaling and/or suggestions for specic themes to explore. Below is an example of a journal entry that was written in response to a facilitators suggestion that the participant use her journal to explore the theme of forgiveness. This womans grand- daughter ended her life at age 17: Howdo I forgive myself, so I can begin to accept her death? How do I forgive myself for not saving her?. . . How do I forgive her friends for not telling what she shared with them?. . . How do I forgive the adults in her . . . school who could have helped her? Howdo I forgive her for lying about her suicidal thoughts? How do I forgive her for not asking for help? How do I forgive her for thinking she was dispensable? How do I forgive her for not thinking of us? Howdo I forgive her for passing her deep despair on to us and sentencing us to a life of grief? How do I forgive myself for focusing on our pain now when hers was so great? How do I forgive myself so that I can alleviate this grief even momentarily? How do I tackle these impossible tasks? (Used with permission, name withheld by request) Letter-writing In an earlier section, I described the experience of suicide survivors who spontaneously wrote letters to a lost loved one. Letter-writing, however, can also be systematically incorporated into clinical treatment. Usually, the clinician will give the client(s) a particular suggestion regarding to whom the letter should be directed and/or what issues it should explore. For example, in one session of the SGSG, Dr. Jordan and I pro- posed that participants write a letter to the person who died, in which they accurately and honestly expressed some of their feel- ings. A man widowed by suicide, leaving hima single parent of two youngdaughters, respondedbywritingaletter tohis deceasedwife, in which he gave voice to considerable anger and pain: Dear F., I am very angry about what you have done to me and the girls. You have hurt me to the point where its difcult for me to take care of the girls. In your note, you said you dont hate me, but in many ways I do [hate me]. You have sentenced me to a lifetime of pain and questions that will never be answered. I honestly feel that you are probably not at peace. It would seem to me unfair, that you would be at peace while the remnants of what once was a family lie broken and bleeding fromthe heart. (Used with permission, initials changed by request) In response to a suggestion that we made in a subsequent ses- sion, the same individual was able to delve into other aspects of his feelings by writing a letter to himself: Dear C., You need to work at letting go of some of the anger you feel. It is taking too much of your energy. That energy would be better used caring for your children, and getting your own physical health in order. F. was a very sick person, and what she did was out of a desperate attempt to end her own pain. She loved you and the girls, but couldnt handle her own demons. Dont let her death kill you too. (Used with permission, initials changed by request) Whether a spontaneous solitary process or part of a structured therapeutic exercise, the psychological functions of the act of writ- ing are fairly similar. Whenexpressive writing is incorporatedintoa formal therapeutic relationship, however, either through the shar- ing of spontaneously created work or of material generated in response to a clinicians suggestion, the survivor has the opportu- nity to increase the probability that his or her internal experience will be accurately understood by the clinician. In addition, given how overwhelming and terrifying it can be for a suicide survivor to encounter the full extent of his or her anguish, the process of sharing original written material with the therapist can help the survivor feel that s/he does not have to bear the pain alone but rather that the therapist will bear or hold a portion of the pain for him or her. This possibility for the therapeutic relationship to foster a reduction in overwhelming affect occurs as a result of the therapists empathy (which the survivor senses and which, there- fore, makes the survivor feel joined in, rather than alone with, his or her pain), as well as the therapists readiness to lend the survivor his or her own internal resources so as to provide a safe, reliable container for the survivors anguish. Conclusions I have endeavored to show a variety of ways that receptive and expressive poetry therapy can be helpful to survivors of suicide. The utilization of preexisting poems and expressive writing activ- ities has a range of psychological functions. In the aftermath of shattering loss, the receptive and expressive utilization of writing often occurs spontaneously. Nevertheless, survivors may benet fromutilizing preexisting poems and expressive writing in the con- text of a formal clinical relationship. This relationship can be one in whichpoetrytherapyhas beenspecicallyagreedonas theprimary treatment modality, or one in which poetry, writing, and perhaps 112 S. Stepakoff / The Arts in Psychotherapy 36 (2009) 105113 other expressive arts are integrated into more traditional treatment approaches. With the sensitive support of a trained professional, particularly one who is aware of the synergistic effects of ordinary and poetic modes of expression, survivors may become better able to cope with the experience of shattering loss. Thus, even though the grieving process after suicide is arduous and lifelong, it is possi- ble to help survivors move fromformless anguish to symbolization, fromisolationtoconnection, fromdestructiontocreation, andfrom silence to speech. Acknowledgements I amdeeply indebtedtoDr. Jack Jordanfor immeasurably enrich- ing my understanding of traumatic grief in general and suicide grief inparticular. I amalsotremendouslygrateful toKaryl Chastain-Beal, Coordinator of Parents of Suicide, for her invaluable assistance with outreach to survivors. In addition, I extend heartfelt thanks to the many survivors of suicide whogenerously sharedtheir poems, jour- nals, letters, and other written materials with me. These include Brenda Adkins, Nicci Bergman, Pamela Bonilla, Mary Butler, Carol deClercq, Rea de Miranda, Donna Fitts, Magdaline Halous, Christine Hambrecht, Patty Jacobs, Joyce, Rosana Smith Ladik, Linda Mar- shall, Faye Martin, Phyllis Mulford, Leslie Phillips, Diane Prater, Nikki Reeves, Lesa Shelton, Shirley Sherwood, Carla Snellen, Arline Stumpff, Jean Sutton, Stacy Varner, Joan Zdun, and many others, who wished to remain anonymous. Appendix A. Partial list of memorial websites created by survivors of suicide http://adam-mooregrigg-thelittlesailorboy.memory- of.com/about.aspx http://erickgeorge.virtual-memorials.com http://jay-mcmurdo.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action= view&mem id=9181&page no=1 http://members.tripod.com/dsf 13/Poems.html http://prole.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user. viewprole&friendid=207095976 http://virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem id= 9787&logoff=true http://www.cusp.org.nz http://www.runningwiththewind.com Note: Each of the creators of these websites wished to be included in this Appendix. Most of these websites contain a com- bination of preexisting and original poems/songs. Two additional websites are mentioned in the text of the article. References Adair, V. H. (February 26, 1996). One ordinary evening. In The New Yorker. , p. 66 Adams, K. (1990). 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