Spam

Time: five years from now

Place: England
Oh no! said Joe Turner. When I go on the computer, all I
get is spam email that nobody wants. Its all from people
who are trying to sell you things. Email which is trying to get
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money from you. Email that says it can help your love life.
Email that says it can make you rich. Its just stupid! And do
I ask for any of it? No! Its all spam, spam, spam! I cant get
emails from my friends and from my work because Ive got
too much spam. All I get is spam, spam and more spam! It
takes a long time to get spam off my computer too.
Sometimes I lose important emails because I get so angry!
Dad, dont get angry, said Louise, his daughter. She loved
her father. He made her laugh, but he didnt like computers.
They made him angry. Everybody gets spam, Dad. Theres
nothing we can do about it. Just live with it, Louise said.
Its easy for you, Louise, Joe answered. Youre a teenager.
Fourteen-year-old girls all use computers these days. You
know all about them. But not me. I remember when there
was no spam. I can even remember when we didnt have a
computer. Oh, happy days!
Dad, I live with spam, thats all. Everybody lives with it
now. I dont know why you dont. Mum does.
Joe laughed. Ha! You know why? She doesnt use the
computer much. Thats why. And what does she do when
something goes wrong on the computer? She asks one of us
to do something about it. Remember last week? She opened
some spam and it had a virus! You cant use a computer when
theres a virus on it. We worked for hours to make it OK
again.
What do you mean, we? said Louise. You mean me, Dad.
You just watched. I did all the work.
I was there to help, replied Joe with big, open eyes. Im
always there to help you. You know that.
Thanks, Dad, Louise answered with a smile. Thats good
to know.
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Two weeks later, Joe looked at the news on the internet
and ate his breakfast. His wife, Inez, was there with Louise.
It was eight oclock in the morning.
Yes! he shouted. They did it! This is what we need!
Inez often heard her husband shout when he read the
news. What did they do, Joe? she asked.
Computer experts can stop spam! laughed Joe. Thats
what they say in the news. And the good thing is it isnt
going to cost us anything! The computer experts say spams
going to stop. Isnt that great?
Louise sat up. Just a minute, Dad. Do you mean that we
arent going to find spam on the computer again? And we
dont need to pay anything? Thats really good! But how can
they do that?
I dont know, said Joe. Is it going to work? Thats the
important thing!
Inez looked happy, too. She didnt like computers, but she
hated spam!
Joe and his family hated spam. But it wasnt only them.
There were many people everywhere who hated it too.
Millions of them got the free software and used it to stop
spam. It worked. People only got the emails that they
wanted. Everybody was happy. Spam was gone.
Thats what they thought.
* * *
Louise went on a camping holiday with her school friends.
No more computers or television for three weeks! What am
I going to do? she laughed.
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When Louise was on holiday, her parents heard some news
about a new internet shopping company. This company sold
everything. Wait for emails from our internet company. Our
prices are cheap and theres something for everybody. Were
the best internet shopping company in the world! said the
person on the television.
That evening, Joe and Inez read the emails from the
internet shopping company. Lots of people from all over
England read the emails. Everyone wanted the cheap prices.
Three weeks later
Now why did you buy that? asked Joe Turner.
Inez looked at her new salad bowl and put it on the
kitchen table. There were four more bowls on the table. They
were all the same.
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I dont know, she said. But when I see a salad bowl like
this, I want to buy it. I feel bad when I dont. I dont know
why. Funny, isnt it?
What, more things for the garden, Dad? laughed Louise.
She was at home again, after her holiday. Our flats on the
fourth floor, remember? Theres no garden here!
I just forget when I see them, said Joe. I cant stop. I want
to buy them all the time!
And that wasnt all. Joe and Inez had lots of other things,
too. They didnt need any of them. Louise saw that. But it
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didnt stop her parents. There was shopping everywhere in
the flat. Louise knew something was wrong. But what?
It was the same everywhere. People bought all kinds of
things, things they didnt want or need.
This is stupid, everyone said. Then they bought
something too. No one knew how to stop. Shopping was the
only thing people talked about in the street, on the news.
People started to feel afraid. Everybody spent too much
money. Doctors, scientists, politicians all talked about it.
Some people thought it was a new virus.
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And was it? Nobody knew. But people shopped online all
the time now. They didnt have the money to pay for their
shopping. But that didnt stop them. People spent money
they didnt have, and they just bought too much. Soon, their
houses were too small for the hundreds of things that they
bought. Many of these things never came out of their boxes.
* * *
What is going on? Louise asked herself. Now Im home
from my holiday, and everything is different. Something is
wrong. But what?
Louise went to the computer to read her emails. When she
was on holiday, she didnt use the computer. But she knew
that her parents read their emails every day. Was there some
important news that she didnt know about?
Inez saw Louise sit down at the computer.
Can I look? asked Inez. Im waiting for an email.
OK, Mum, said Louise. She got up, but she stayed next
to her mother. Inez opened her emails. Louise watched her
mothers face. Her mothers eyes were very big as she read one
of her emails.
Then Inez jumped up. OK, she said. You can look at
your email now, Louise.
Why was Mum different when she read that email?
thought Louise. She looked at the address of her mothers
email. It was from an internet shopping company. But Louise
didnt open it, because then Inez came back. She had her
credit card in her hand. Is she going to buy more things?
thought Louise.
I must buy that nice purple shirt for Joe, said Inez, and
she sat down in front of the computer again.
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Purple? Louise knew her Dad hated purple. This was all
wrong! What was in that email?
Er... I think theres something wrong with the computer,
said Louise. Let me look at it, Mum.
OK, said Inez. I can come back later.
Louise started work.
* * *
Mum, Dad! Theres an email for you! It says its very
important! Louise ran into the kitchen, with the computer
in her hands.
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Joe and Inez opened the email and looked at it. Their eyes
closed and they didnt speak or move. Then, after a few
minutes, they opened their eyes and looked at Louise.
What? Where are we? What did those emails do to us?
asked Joe.
Its OK now, Dad, said Louise. That internet shopping
company put things in the emails. They put ideas in your
head that you didnt know about. It was like a computer
virus, but it worked on people. So everyone bought all those
things they didnt need. Not very nice. All I did was change
the message. Easy, really.
Did you really do it, Louise? asked Inez.
Of course I did. No internet company can stop me. This
afternoon I changed the email program. This emails going to
take the virus away when people open it. The internet
company cant do anything about it, said Louise.
Joe and Inez looked around at all the things that were still
in their boxes. There were salad bowls and things for the
garden, shoes and clothes, books and music lots of things
they didnt need. They laughed.
The internet company thought it knew everything, said
Louise. But it didnt!
Louise, do you like chocolate cakes? said Inez with a
smile.
Of course! Why, Mum? asked Louise.
Because I bought forty of them and theyre in the kitchen!
said Inez.
And they all laughed.
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Frank Brennan
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Frank Brennan
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