The Authoritative Guide From

the National Association for Gifted Children

parenting

gifted children

edited by Jennifer
L. Jolly, Ph.D., Donald J. Treffinger, Ph.D.,
Tracy Ford Inman, and Joan Franklin Smutny, Ph.D.
 The Authoritative Guide From
the National Association for Gifted Children

parenting

gifted children

edited by Jennifer
L. Jolly, Ph.D., Donald J. Treffinger, Ph.D.,
Tracy Ford Inman, and Joan Franklin Smutny, Ph.D.

Prufrock Press Inc.

Wac o , T e x a s
Copyright © 2011, National Association for Gifted Children
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 Contents
Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii
Editors’ Note . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xvii

Part I: Nature and Assessment . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

by Catherine M. Brighton

Chapter 1
No Child Is Just Born Gifted:
Creating and Developing Unlimited Potential . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
by Barbara Clark

Chapter 2
Developing Your Child’s Successful Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
by Robert J. Sternberg

Chapter 3
Why Gifted Children May Not Test Well . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
by Ben Paris

Chapter 4
A Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment . . . . . . . . . . . 27
by Michael Freedman and John Houtz

Part II: Characteristics and Development . . . . 37

by Joan Franklin Smutny

Chapter 5
Self‑Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students . . . . . . 42
by Sally M. Reis

Chapter 6
What Do You Know About Learning Style?
A Guide for Parents of Gifted Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
by Rita Dunn, Karen Burke, and Janet Whitely

v
vi parenting gifted children

Chapter 7
The Importance of Being Early: A Case for Preschool Enrichment . . . . 65
by Ken W. McCluskey

Chapter 8
Too Busy to Play? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76
by Robert D. Strom

Chapter 9
Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
by Sylvia Rimm

Chapter 10
Creating Successful Middle School Partnerships:
A Parent’s Perspective . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
by Rebecca Robbins

Chapter 11
College Planning With Gifted Children: Start Early . . . . . . . . . . . . 105
by Maureen Neihart

Chapter 12
Real Fears of Incoming First-Year College Students:
What Parents Can Do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111
by Mary Kay Shanley and Julia Johnston

Part III: Diversity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119

by Jennifer L. Jolly

Chapter 13
Nurturing an Awareness and Acceptance of Diversity
in Our Gifted Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121
by Joan Franklin Smutny

Chapter 14
Looking for Gifts in All the “Wrong” Places . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131
by Ken W. McCluskey

Chapter 15
Parents as Models: Respecting and Embracing Differences . . . . . . . 141
by Jean Sunde Peterson
 vii

Part IV: Programming Options . . . . . . . . . . 151

by Don Treffinger

Chapter 16
Selecting Afterschool Programs: A Guide for Parents . . . . . . . . . . . 155
by Stephen T. Schroth

Chapter 17
Mentoring and Your Child: Developing a Successful Relationship . . . 166
by Julia Link Roberts and Tracy Ford Inman

Chapter 18
Enter the Mentor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174
by Diane Nash

Chapter 19
Education Acceleration: Why or Why Not? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 184
by James J. Gallagher

Chapter 20
Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 192
by Sandra Warren

Chapter 21
Homeschooling . . . Making It Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 202
by Lisa Rivero

Chapter 22
Is Homeschooling Right for Your Child? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 214
by Vicki Caruana

Chapter 23
Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children:
How Parents Can Help . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 221
by Joan Franklin Smutny

Chapter 24
Differentiated Curriculum Experiences for the Gifted and Talented:
A Parent’s Guide to Best Practice in School and at Home . . . . . . . . 234
by Joyce VanTassel‑Baska
viii parenting gifted children

Chapter 25
The Path From Potential to Productivity: The Parent’s Role
in the Levels of Service Approach to Talent Development . . . . . . . . 243
by Nancy A. Cook, Carol V. Wittig, and Donald J. Treffinger

Chapter 26
Raising the Creative Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 258
by Courtney Crim

Part V: Family Dynamics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 267

by Arlene R. DeVries

Chapter 27
Differentiation at Home as a Way of Understanding
Differentiation at School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 270
by Carol Ann Tomlinson

Chapter 28
Parenting Young Gifted Children: How to Discover
and Develop Their Talents at Home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 278
by Joan Franklin Smutny

Chapter 29
I’m a Kid, Mom, Not a Robot: What High-Ability Children
Want Their Parents to Know About Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 286
by Carolyn R. Cooper

Chapter 30
The Tao of Solo Parenting Gifted Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 297
by Sherry S. Bragg

Chapter 31
The Role of Physicians in the Lives of Gifted Children . . . . . . . . . . . 307
by Edward R. Amend and Richard M. Clouse

Chapter 32
Productive Parent Teacher Conferences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 316
by Arlene R. DeVries
 ix

Part VI: Advocacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 323

by Tracy Ford Inman

Chapter 33
Effective Advocates, Lifelong Advocacy: If Not You, Then Who? . . . 327
by Julia Link Roberts and Tracy Ford Inman

Chapter 34
A Break in Communication: When an Advocate Is Needed . . . . . . 332
by Rich Weinfeld, Michelle Davis, Jeanne L. Paynter, and Sue Jeweler

Chapter 35
Dancing Toward District Advocacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 340
by Diana Reeves

Chapter 36
Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education:
Your District, Your State . . . and Beyond! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 348
by Joan Franklin Smutny

Chapter 37
Four Simple Steps to Self‑Advocacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 360
by Deborah Douglas

Chapter 38
Advocating for Talented Youth: Lessons Learned From the
National Study of Local and State Advocacy in Gifted Education . . 369
by Ann Robinson and Sidney M. Moon

Part VII: Twice-Exceptional Students . . . . . . 383

by James T. Webb

Chapter 39
Parenting Twice‑Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success . 387
by Beverly A. Trail

Chapter 40
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A Difficult Diagnosis . . . . . 399
by Sylvia Rimm
x parenting gifted children

Chapter 41
Parenting Gifted Children With ADHD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 405
by Sidney M. Moon

Part VIII: Social and Emotional Needs . . . . . 411

by Maureen Neihart and Liang See Tan

Chapter 42
Raising Bright Children in a Scary World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 416
by Beth Andrews

Chapter 43
High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed:
Keys to Helping Youngsters With Stress Reduction . . . . . . . . . . . . 428
by Henry J. Nicols and Susan Baum

Chapter 44
“Why Am I Here? What Makes the World so Unfair?”
Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 440
by Joan Franklin Smutny

Chapter 45
Overcoming Barriers to Girls’ Talent Development . . . . . . . . . . . . . 454
by Sally M. Reis

Chapter 46
Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication
Between Fathers and Their Talented Sons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 463
by Thomas P. Hébert

Chapter 47
Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 476
by Leighann Pennington

Chapter 48
When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement—
Strategies to Adjust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 486
by Sylvia Rimm
 xi

Chapter 49
Developing Giftedness for a Better World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 499
by Joseph S. Renzulli, Rachel E. Sytsma, and Robin M. Schader

Chapter 50
Getting Your Child Involved in Volunteering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 510
by Barbara A. Lewis

Chapter 51
Debunking the Myths of Suicide in Gifted Children . . . . . . . . . . . . 517
by Andrea Dawn Frazier and Tracy L. Cross

Chapter 52
A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential . . . . . . . 525
by Jean Sunde Peterson

Chapter 53
Goodness of Fit: The Challenge of Parenting Gifted Children . . . . . 539
by Andrew Mahoney

Chapter 54
Helping Gifted Students Cope With Perfectionism . . . . . . . . . . . . 546
by Michael C. Pyryt

About the Editors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 555

About the Authors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 556
List of Article Publication Dates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 567
 Preface

C
ongratulations. You are probably reading this book because
you are a parent of a gifted child. You may be a grandpar-
ent, teacher, or other interested person. You may have been
identified as gifted when you were younger and are searching
for answers to questions you have about your giftedness. Regardless
of your reason, you’ve come to the right place. For nearly two decades,
Parenting for High Potential (PHP), the quarterly magazine published by
the National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), has provided
practical advice to parents based on research and best practices in the
field of gifted education. This book represents the best thinking of
parents, teachers, and scholars who have contributed to PHP. All of
the pieces are relevant to issues parents currently face or will encoun-
ter in the future. The pieces reflect the outstanding editorial skills of
Jennifer Jolly, current PHP editor, and Donald Treffinger and James
Alvino, the previous PHP editors, who shepherded them through the
review and publication process.
The first two sections introduce readers to characteristics of gifted
children and much of the terminology parents will encounter as they
seek to understand how students come to be identified as gifted.
Conceptions of giftedness have expanded, and readers will learn how
giftedness can extend beyond intelligence and how intelligence can
extend beyond a simple IQ score. Navigating educational assessment
terminology and understanding how gifted children might function
differently from other children can be confusing. These sections provide
a clear, useful introduction to the field of gifted education. Because
children’s needs change as they grow and mature, the second section
is divided by age. As many parents know, college planning is very dif-
ferent than contemplating preschool needs.
The third section of this book addresses the important issue of
diversity and underrepresentation in gifted education. Unfortunately,
many gifted students’ talents go unrecognized, particularly students
from diverse backgrounds. Even if they are identified, many under-

xiii
xiv parenting gifted children

served populations do not receive the educational opportunities they

need to reach their full potential. According to a 2008 report by Wyner,
Bridgeland, and Diiulio, almost half of children of poverty who enter
first grade in the top 10% will no longer be achieving at top levels 5
years later. They simply are not receiving the services they need.
Parents face a variety of educational choices for their gifted child.
Because each child’s uniqueness renders some programming options
more feasible than others, the fourth section provides an overview of
programming options that range from educating children at home
to early entrance to school and other acceleration options. Effective
programs for the gifted involve a continuum of services that include
many of the options described in this section.
The fifth section addresses the specific issue of family dynamics,
including general parenting issues. Parents often wonder whether their
children’s development is on schedule, early, or late. When a child
begins reaching developmental markers earlier than other children,
parents begin considering the parenting and educational implications
ahead. Most of us are not fully prepared to raise a gifted child. This
section addresses many issues involved in parenting a gifted child.
The sixth section addresses the various advocacy roles parents must
play. Every parent is confronted with questions of “How can I best
help my child?” “When should I intervene on my child's behalf?” and
“When should I just let events unfold?” Support for gifted children is
an important role for parents; in many cases, parents are their children’s
sole advocates. Parents of gifted children can advocate for their children
along a broad continuum of support that begins at home and ends on
a national level. These can include:
•â•¢ advocating for the child’s personal performance by helping
build his or her confidence,
•â•¢ advocating for specific services for the child in the community
and school,
•â•¢ advocating for greater schoolwide services for gifted children
in general,
•â•¢ advocating for state support for gifted education, and
•â•¢ advocating for national attention on gifted education (both
legislatively and with the general public).
 xv

The final two sections of this book cover concerns related to sub-
populations of gifted children and social and emotional issues. These
include issues facing students who are gifted with learning disabilities
or attention deficit disorders. It also covers a variety of social and emo-
tional concerns that parents of gifted children will recognize.
Parenting Gifted Children: The Authoritative Guide From the National
Association for Gifted Children is a comprehensive overview of what we
know about meeting the parenting, educational, and social and emo-
tional needs of gifted students. We often hear that gifted children are
a national resource that needs to be cultivated and that they represent
the best hope for the nation’s future. The gifted child in your home may
achieve great things in his or her life. However, this is not the reason
his or her giftedness needs to be recognized and addressed. Future
eminence is an unreasonable expectation to place on a 5-year-old child
who is headed to kindergarten with some advanced skills. Although
it is true that many innovative individuals may have been classified as
gifted as young children, others did not demonstrate their exceptional
gifts at an early age. We simply have not yet developed procedures to
reliably identify future adult eminence in young children.
We identify and provide services for gifted children because it is the
right thing to do. Young children who read early or grasp mathemati-
cal concepts before their peers may or may not be eminent writers or
mathematicians later in life, but they will need to have their learning
needs met when they enter school, and they will lead happier and more
enriched lives when they are allowed to pursue their interests and talents.
The assistant at our pharmacy recognized this issue when she
observed a 22-month-old girl reading words from a sign posted on
her counter. “You’re in trouble when she gets to school,” the clerk
commented to the child’s parent. Even though the pharmacy assistant
lacked training in education, she recognized the need for “something
different” when the young girl began attending school. She also knew
that the schools might not be receptive to recognizing that need.
This book helps all of us understand the importance of assessing
and understanding gifted children’s learning patterns and providing
support that matches their learning needs. The important advocacy role
everyone has is recognized. Each of us, parents, relatives, educators,
xvi parenting gifted children

and researchers, can be a part of the solution of ensuring that every

child has an opportunity to reach his or her potential.

—Del Siegle, Ph.D.,

NAGC President 2007–2009

Reference

Wyner, J. S., Bridgeland, J. M., & Diiulio, J. J. (2008). The achievement trap:
How America is failing millions of high-achieving students from lower-income
families. Lansdowne, VA: Jack Kent Cooke Foundation.
 
 Editors’ Note

P
arenting for High Potential was first published in 1996 as a
resource for parents of gifted high-ability children who were
members of the National Association for Gifted Children
(NAGC). In the nearly two decades since the first issue was
printed, many of the country’s leading experts in various educational
fields have covered some of the most pressing concerns and questions
that parents face in raising gifted and high-ability children. Parenting
Gifted Children: The Authoritative Guide From the National Association
for Gifted Children represents the absolute best of the more than 350
articles that have been published since the inception of the publica-
tion with the intention of providing an enduring tome of information
and guidance. Although this book is meant primarily as a guide for
parents, it also could be a beneficial resource for those who work with
gifted and high-ability children and their families, including teachers,
administrators, counselors, and other educators.
Each article was selected for inclusion in this compendium after
being considered against criteria developed to provide a collection of
work that best serves parents and those who work with families of
gifted children. Articles were specifically evaluated for the following:
•â•¢ recognizing and developing children’s strengths and gifts and
talents (whether children are formally identified as gifted or
not);
•â•¢ providing parenting advice from a practical outlook;
•â•¢ including information based on research but also emphasizing
the implications for children and families;
•â•¢ focusing on the needs of the reader and carefully defining terms
without cumbersome jargon;
•â•¢ offering print and online resources;
•â•¢ promoting a collaborative relationship in home, community,
and school; and
•â•¢ presenting creative, new, and original perspectives.

xvii
xviii parenting gifted children

Once the articles were selected they were grouped according to

topic and then arranged by chapters. The chapters begin with the nature
and assessment of giftedness and high ability followed by character-
istics and development. Sections on diversity, programming options,
family dynamics, advocacy, the twice-exceptional student, and social-
emotional considerations follow. These chapters give the reader the
option of focusing on one particular topic or gaining a holistic view.
Nearing its 15th anniversary, Parenting for High Potential continues
to be a current and timely resource for parents and those profession-
als who work with families. To find out more about how to receive
this publication and for other parent resources go to the National
Association for Gifted Children’s website (http://www.nagc.org).

—Jennifer L. Jolly, Ph.D., Donald J. Treffinger, Ph.D.,

Tracy Ford Inman, and Joan Franklin Smutny, Ph.D.
 Part I
Nature and Assessment
by Catherine M. Brighton

T
his section of the text addresses some of the most central ques-
tions of importance to parents of gifted children:
•â•¢ What is the nature of giftedness and talent?
•â•¢ How can tests reveal (or inadvertently conceal) it?
•â•¢ What can parents and educators do to maximize gifted
potential?

A range of authors offer a variety of insights on these and other related
questions and suggest concrete ways that parents and educators can play
an active and informed role in the process of nurturing and advocating
for gifted children. A brief glimpse into what to expect in the chapters
that follow is offered. In each piece, note how the authors make the
assumption that parents are partners with educators in the conversations
about giftedness and talent. Authors also recommend that parents use
this information to become better advocates for their children.
In the first chapter, Barbara Clark reminds us about the importance
of keeping our own beliefs and assumptions about children’s potential
in check. In the discussion of how giftedness and talent is manifested,
Clark offers some consideration for the genetic background of the

1
2 parenting gifted children

child; however she makes a stronger case for a stimulating and nurtur-
ing environment as a more powerful force in the talent development
process. She then offers specific ways in which parents and teachers
can optimize the development and learning of young children.
Psychologist Robert J. Sternberg provides an alternative to the over-
reliance upon traditional intelligence testing or using only an IQ score
as the primary indicator of giftedness. Rather, he offers his theory of
successful intelligence, whereby individuals identify and cultivate their
strengths and figure out ways to compensate or correct for their relative
weaknesses. Sternberg punctuates the explanation of his theory with
a call to action for parents and teachers; research findings suggest that
students who are offered instruction in ways that allow them to play
to their strengths and minimize their weaknesses outperform those
who were not offered such flexibility. In short, not scoring high on a
traditional intelligence test can be overcome by considering strengths
more broadly and playing to those strengths.
In the chapter, “Why Gifted Children May Not Test Well,” Ben
Paris examines issues surrounding testing and, in particular, the spe-
cific ways in which some children’s scores may be negatively impacted.
He identifies and describes seven major problems—lack of motivation,
“overthinking” test items, perfectionism, overconfidence, sloppiness,
excessive test anxiety, and the mismatch between a child’s area of gift-
edness and the test being administered. While the path beyond these
common pitfalls is often complex and requires specific time and atten-
tion to improve, he makes clear that “not testing well” is a challenge
that can be overcome. As readers progress through the previous chapter,
they may find the “Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment”
by Michael Freedman and John Houtz useful as a companion tool. This
glossary outlines key terms used in the discussion of intelligence and
assessment in a concise and readable manner.
As a set, these three pieces share several common themes. First, in
each piece the authors make the explicit point that knowledge is power
and this knowledge can make parents more effective advocates for their
children. For example, Paris offers strategies for parents (and ultimately
for the student) to move beyond the self-defeating belief that “I just
don’t test well,” translate it into self-awareness of the problem, and use
 Part I: Nature and Assessment 3

that knowledge to optimize his or her performance on a test. The glos-

sary offered by Freedman and Houtz is a tool for parents to employ as
they become acquainted with terminology and jargon associated with
the testing and evaluation process. Again, knowledge is power and,
in sum, can translate into more effective communication between the
family and the school when testing is undertaken.
A second theme surrounds the difference between giftedness and
talent as an educational label and how this impacts a learner’s future.
While Paris focuses on the immediate process of acquiring the gifted and
talented identification, other authors approach this differently. Sternberg
suggests that successful intelligence is a broader way to view a child’s
potential contributions and that it is the responsibility of parents and
educators to help children find their areas of strength and figure out ways
around their weaknesses. Parents can convey this by providing enriched
environments in a variety of ways as described by Clark. The Sternberg
and Clark pieces suggest that parents have important responsibilities to
help children see talents as more than just a score on a test.
Third, in various ways, these authors make clear that the process
of testing is an imperfect science. For example, Paris reminds us that
there is no universal definition of giftedness and, as a result, tests may
not be designed to test for the specific area(s) that are of interest to
the family or school. Second, there may be a mismatch between the
purpose of the test and the services delivered in the program.
Questions to consider as you read each of the pieces include:
•â•¢ What do I need to know to be the best advocate for my child?
•â•¢ What questions can I ask to become even more educated?
•â•¢ How can I use the suggested resources to help further my
knowledge base?
•â•¢ Does my child’s school district/school/classroom take a short-
term (e.g., prioritizing identification) or long-term (e.g., testing
concerns) view of giftedness and talent?
•â•¢ How are my child’s strengths (areas of giftedness) measured?
•â•¢ What tests are being used to assess my child’s abilities?
•â•¢ If the test used is norm-referenced, what was the norming
group for this test?
 Chapter 1
No Child Is Just Born Gifted:
Creating and Developing
Unlimited Potential
by Barbara Clark

I
listened carefully as my graduate student described the activity he
wanted to do for one of his term projects. He was very excited as he told
about the research he planned using his baby son as the object of his study.
“I have already put pictures of cats around his crib and he looks at them
a lot,” he said. “Yesterday I held the family cat where he could see it and he
enjoyed that even more. Today I will print some large cards with ‘CAT’ on
them and show them to him before I hold up the cat, then I’ll show the cat,
then the card again. Maybe I’ll try to paste some of the printed cards next to
the cat pictures in the crib. Oh, I got a very colorful book with pictures and
words about cats I can read to him too. What do you think? Does that sound
like an interesting way to build his visual/language connections?”
Observing what a little child is capable of is always exciting. Many
of the limits we thought children had do not seem to be as absolute as
we once believed. The more we study children, the more we discover
that what is limited are our beliefs, not the children.
I agreed that my student could work with his son and report on
anything that he observed that was interesting in the process he was
planning to follow. From his explanation I assumed the boy was 12
to 18 months old. Although some early learning data was becoming
available (then in the early 1970s), there was a lot to learn, and it was
obvious that the baby and his father were enjoying the interactions.

4
 Creating and Developing Unlimited Potential 5

At the end of his project he presented it to the class. Some of the results
included tape recordings of his son saying some of the words he had
introduced by cards, pictures, and books. Not until the end of the report
was it that the stunning conclusion caught everyone by surprise. The
baby, who I had thought would be 15 to 21 months old by the end of
the study and who was so successfully engaged in early learning, was
actually only 6 months old. He was only 3 months old at the beginning
of the study. Had I known his age I would have been sure that what
occurred would have been impossible. My beliefs would have limited
this student and, more importantly, his son.
What are the limits we should expect in regard to learning and
our children? What do we believe they could or should learn and when
should they learn it? Is their potential dictated by their genes? Is this
advanced and accelerated development we refer to as giftedness the result
of rich experiences and good parenting, or are some children born that
way? How can we know? What can we use for a guide?

Are Children Born Gifted?

The potential for giftedness or a high level of intellectual develop-

ment begins very early in a child’s life. Studies since the early 1970s
consistently show that such development is the result of an interaction
between the child’s genetic endowment and a rich and appropriate
environment in which the child grows. No child is born gifted—only
with the potential for giftedness. Although all children have amazing
potential, only those who are fortunate enough to have opportunities
to develop their uniqueness in an environment that responds to their
particular patterns and needs will be able to actualize their abilities
to high levels. Research in psychology, neuroscience, linguistics, and
early learning can help parents create responsive environments that
allow their children to develop their potential to the fullest—that is,
to create giftedness.
6 parenting gifted children

Giftedness Is a Changing Concept

Giftedness can now be seen as a biologically rooted label for a

high level of intelligence, which indicates an advanced and accelerated
development of functions within the brain that allow its more efficient
and effective use. While old ideas of intelligence and giftedness gener-
ally were limited to analytical and rational thinking, giftedness really
includes an interaction of all of the areas of brain function—physical
sensing, emotions, cognition, and intuition. Broader concepts of intel-
ligence and giftedness may be expressed through problem solving, cre-
ative behavior, academic aptitude, leadership, performance in the visual
and performing arts, invention, or a myriad of other human abilities.
High intelligence, whether expressed in cognitive abilities such as the
capacity to generalize, conceptualize, or reason abstractly, or in specific
abilities such as creative behavior, results from the interaction between
inherited and acquired characteristics. This interaction encompasses all
of the physical, mental, and emotional characteristics of the person and
all of the people, events, and objects entering the person’s awareness.
Our reality is unique to each of us.

What Is More Important, Nature or Nurture?

An endless interaction between the environment and our genetic

framework creates our intelligence, even our perception of reality. This
process begins very early, as soon as the fertilized egg attaches to the
wall of the uterus. As the cells divide and the fetus begins to grow, the
environment already begins to exert a determining influence. One could
not say from this interactive point of view which is more important—the
inherited abilities or the environmental opportunities to develop them.
Restriction on either nature (genes) or nurture (environment) would
inhibit the high levels of actualized intellectual ability we call giftedness.
Our genes are not a limit, but provide a rough outline of the pos-
sibilities for our life. While genes provide us with our own unique
menu, the environment makes the actual selection within that range of
choice. Any reference to “high-IQ genes” must be seen as a misnomer
 Creating and Developing Unlimited Potential 7

because the discernible characteristics of an organism always depend

on its particular environmental history.
Environmental interaction with the genetic program of the indi-
vidual occurs whether planned or left to chance. By conservative esti-
mates, this interaction can result in a 20- to 40-point difference in
measured intelligence. Teachers and parents must be aware that how
we structure the environment for children changes them neurologically
and biologically. Without opportunities for appropriate challenge, tal-
ent and ability may be lost. From an overwhelming body of research,
we must conclude that the development of intelligence includes both
nature and nurture.

Who Are Gifted Learners?

At birth the human brain contains some 100 to 200 billion brain
cells. Each neural cell is in place and ready to be developed, ready to
be used for actualizing the highest levels of human potential. With a
very small number of exceptions, all human infants come equipped
with this marvelous complex heritage.
For example, two individuals with approximately the same genetic
capacity for developing intelligence could be regarded as potentially
gifted or as intellectually disabled as a result of the environment with
which they interact. Although we never develop more neural cells, it is
estimated that we actually use less than 5 percent of our brain capability.
How we use this complex system becomes critical to our development
of intelligence and personality and to the very quality of life we experi-
ence as we grow. Those who work with gifted children must acquire an
understanding of the power of the interaction between the organism
and its environment.
When the brain becomes more accelerated and advanced in its
function through this interaction, the individual shows characteristics
that can be identified with high intelligence. Some of those charac-
teristics can be seen as the direct result of changes in brain structures.
These changes continue to occur as long as appropriate stimulation is
available. Over and over, brain research points to the dynamic nature
8 parenting gifted children

of the brain’s growth and the need to challenge the individual at that
individual’s level of development for growth to continue. Unchallenged,
the individual will lose brain power.
Although each child will express giftedness in his or her unique
way, behaviors often observed among these children include intense
curiosity, frequent and sophisticated questions, an accelerated pace of
thought and learning, complex thinking, often connecting seemingly
disparate ideas, persistence in pursuing interests, and early development
of language and mathematical skills.
Emotionally gifted children may show a heightened awareness
of “being different,” unusual sensitivity to the expressed feelings and
problems of others, early concern for global and abstract issues, ideal-
ism and concern for fairness and justice, and high expectations for self
and others. Gifted children often show an unusual asynchrony or gap
between physical and intellectual development and a low tolerance for
a lag between personal vision and physical abilities. Most interesting
is the gifted child’s early awareness and expression of heightened per-
ceptions, preference for creative solutions and actions over predictable
ones, and early use of hunches and best guesses.
The best way to identify high levels of intellectual development, or
what we call giftedness, is to observe the child at play in a rich, respon-
sive environment. During the early years, it is important to provide
many opportunities for children to interact with interesting, novel,
and unusual experiences that allow them to stretch just beyond their
current ability level. All children must have experiences at their level
of development because it is during early childhood that intelligence
is nurtured and giftedness is developed. The most important challenge
for teachers at home and at school is to stay just ahead of the child in
presenting materials and experiences—not too far ahead and yet not
too much repetition. Creating an environment and experiences that
respond to the child with an appropriate balance of the familiar and
new is the best way to provide for optimal development.
 Creating and Developing Unlimited Potential 9

Provide for Early Learning

Parents are their children’s first teachers, and they need to provide
a rich, responsive environment and guidance based on the unique needs
and interests of their children. You will be most effective when you
create the appropriate emotional and social climate and are sensitive
to your infant’s unique personality and development.
Following are some activities to optimize development and learning
based on observing your child’s rhythms, abilities, and interests.
Beginning Very Early:
‚‡ Respond to your infant’s signals and encourage attention
and active involvement.
‚‡ Play games using lots of sensory activities—tickle, squeeze,
rock and move, use different textures against the baby’s
skin, use lots of different sounds.
‚‡ Place mobiles and moving toys in and around the crib.
‚‡ Have a variety of patterned materials available for your
baby to see.
‚‡ Talk to your baby during all caregiving activities.
‚‡ Show lots of affection; cuddle and pat.

Around 4 Months of Age or Before:

‚‡ Place an unbreakable mirror in the crib.
‚‡ Provide stacking toys and objects for throwing, banging,
and moving.
‚‡ Play games with fingers and toes; play peek-a-boo.
‚‡ Talk to your baby and encourage your baby’s use of words.
‚‡ Take trips around the community.
‚‡ Read books to your baby.
‚‡ Provide social interactions for your baby with adults and
older peers.

By 10 Months of Age or Before:
‚‡ Provide a wide variety of toys and household objects for
stringing, nesting, digging, pounding, screwing, and
construction.
10 parenting gifted children

‚‡ Provide magnets, blocks, puzzles, books, and art materials.

‚‡ Play guessing games, matching and sorting games, finger
games, circle games, and treasure hunts.
‚‡ Read to your child; make books of the child’s activities—
scrapbooks, color, and number books.
‚‡ Take neighborhood learning excursions; develop collections.
‚‡ Organize a safe physical environment that allows for a
variety of sensory experiences and explorations.

Allow your child to dictate when and how long an activity lasts. By
adding ideas and enthusiasm, parents introduce the world of learning
to their child in exciting and pleasurable ways. Love of learning and
discovery is a deep motivation for every child; all the parents need to
do is encourage and respond.

The Importance of Parenting

Families have long-term effects on their children in many ways.

They create the attitudes and expectations that allow high levels of
development. Some of the most important parenting factors are articu-
lating your beliefs about success and failure and your aspirations and
expectations for achievement, teaching and modeling strategies for
self-control and responsibility, providing a variety of language oppor-
tunities, and developing a close family environment.
As gifted children grow, they will require more complexity and
more opportunities to nurture their rapidly expanding and curious
minds. The following are a few activities parents can provide from
kindergarten throughout their child’s school life:
•â•¢ Give your child access to new ideas and information by includ-
ing him or her in discussions at dinner and during family
conversations.
•â•¢ Research ideas together; show your child how you gather infor-
mation for your work and personal interests.
•â•¢ Share your enthusiasms with your child.
 Creating and Developing Unlimited Potential 11

•â•¢ Provide choices and alternatives as much as possible and

include your child in decision making whenever appropriate.
As soon as children can understand the consequences of an
action, they should be part of the decision.
•â•¢ Model clear and open communication principles such as not
blaming others, making expectations known, and identi-
fying and speaking from one’s own beliefs while accepting
the beliefs of others. Help your child use these principles in
communicating.
•â•¢ See and use problems as opportunities for learning, and help
your child do this in his or her life.
•â•¢ Reduce tension for your child, as gifted children are known to
put excessive pressure on themselves to achieve or to be “per-
fect” in what they attempt. Share your strategies for accepting
less than perfection in yourself. Also, have flexible rules that
change appropriately and with discussion, share the establish-
ment of guidelines and goals, and acknowledge and point out
strengths, as well as areas in need of development.
•â•¢ Acknowledge your child’s accomplishments even though every-
one may expect him or her to do well.
•â•¢ Help your child understand what giftedness is and the implica-
tions of this level of brain growth, including the responsibilities
your child has to help nurture this dynamic process.
•â•¢ Provide a safe place for your child to discuss problems. Listen
without judgment as your child explores his or her feelings
and possible solutions. There are many people who will not
understand gifted children’s intensity and the needs that relate
to their advanced and accelerated brain processes. Your home
may at times be the only place your child feels protected.
•â•¢ Mostly, just enjoy living with your gifted child. Although it is
a never-ending challenge, it is an unbelievable joy!

The newborn child is amazingly competent and able to learn. With
love and careful attention, parents and teachers can provide the oppor-
tunities to optimize every child’s potential and realize each child’s
giftedness. No child is just born gifted.
 Chapter 2
Developing Your Child’s
Successful Intelligence
by Robert J. Sternberg

T
ime was that when you wanted to know whether a child was
gifted, you gave that child an IQ (conventional intelligence) test.
That’s what Lewis Terman did in his famous study of gifted
children conducted at Stanford University in 1921. Terman did
the same in a less well-known but equally important study done at the
Hunter College Elementary School. In both studies, the mean IQs of
the children fell in the 150s, scores achieved by only a small fraction of
1 percent of the population. What happens to people of such high IQ?
The results of these two studies—one done on the West Coast and
one done on the East Coast—were practically identical. Most of the
individuals identified as gifted became highly educated and profession-
ally successful. Most of them were satisfied with their professional and
other life accomplishments. But both studies yielded a similar puzzling
result: very few of these ultraintelligent individuals became eminent
in their fields, leading one set of researchers to wonder why so much
intellect failed to lead to eminence. In short, IQ tests seem to have
selected those who would be consummate adapters to the demands of
society, but not those who would shape society—not those who would
lead it into the future.
These results are not only unsurprising, but also predictable. IQ
tests have always been intended to measure a person’s ability to adapt
to the environment. That’s what Alfred Binet and David Wechsler, the
developers of the two most well-known and widely used conventional

12
 Developing Your Child’s Successful Intelligence 13

tests of intelligence, contended. In symposia of psychologists who spe-

cialize in intelligence, dating back to 1921 and continuing on into the
present, intelligence typically has been defined as the ability to adapt
to the environment. Thus, at some level, IQ tests do what they were
designed to do.

Conventional Academic Intelligence Quotient (IQ)

IQ tests work to some degree, but how well and why? These tests do
not measure adaptability as well as we once thought. More importantly,
in doing what they do, they may not only fail to identify our potential
leaders, but actually derail them. Intelligence tests measure primarily
two kinds of cognitive skills—memory and analytical reasoning skills.
They do so using mostly verbal and quantitative items and sometimes
figural (geometric) items as well. They are well-adapted to children
who: (a) have experienced high-quality schooling in Western society;
(b) speak English as their native language or have learned English well
and have had rich exposure to English in the household in which they
have grown up; (c) have had the experiences that middle- to upper-
middle-class living arrangements typically afford children in Western
society; (d) tend to think well in conventional, though somewhat nar-
row, ways (e) without questioning whether this thinking yields correct
answers; and (f) think in this way quickly.
Children who meet these criteria are in a good position to excel
in schools, which basically teach and assess achievement in ways that
value the same attributes as are valued by conventional intelligence tests.
There is nothing wrong with these attributes. They are, in fact, moder-
ately associated with good school performance and weakly associated
with various criteria for success in life. But there is a problem. Not all
gifted children fit the “IQ-like” description of giftedness. As a result,
certain children are identified and thus spotlighted as gifted—which
they are—but giftedness in other children is being missed. Who are
these other children who might become the next generation of leaders?
14 parenting gifted children

From IQ to Multiple Intelligence (MI)

Howard Gardner has proposed that we need to expand the range of

cognitive skills measured to include multiple intelligences: (a) linguistic
(reading a book, writing a poem); (b) logical-mathematical (solving
math or logic problems); (c) spatial (fitting suitcases into the trunk of
a car); (d) musical (composing or singing a song); (e) bodily-kinesthetic
(dancing or playing football); (f) interpersonal (understanding others);
(g) intrapersonal (understanding oneself); and (h) naturalist (making
sense of the natural world).
This theory has the potential for widely expanding how we iden-
tify who is gifted. In general, high-IQ children would be expected to
perform well on the first two or three intelligences, but not necessarily
on the others. Conversely, children who excel in the other intelligences
might not look particularly bright on an IQ test. Gardner’s proposal
is part of the answer to the limitations of IQ tests, but not the whole
answer.

From MI to Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Other researchers have suggested that to understand intelligence

and who is gifted, we have to go beyond the cognitive to the emotional
domain, to emotional intelligence. Basically, emotional intelligence is the
ability to understand, regulate, and effectively channel emotions.
Is emotional intelligence important? It most certainly is. All of
us know children who ended up on the wrong side of their teachers
because of emotional outbursts or other examples of poorly regulated
emotional behavior. The problem is not limited to children. I know a
man who was an executive in a major firm, who on being informed that
he was passed over for a promotion, called his boss to chastise him for
his poor choice of a successor. The man not only lost the promotion,
but also his job.
Although research evidence on emotional intelligence has been
slow in coming in, the importance of this area of functioning is now
more widely recognized. In order to adapt to the environment, people
 Developing Your Child’s Successful Intelligence 15

need to be effective not only in the use of their cognitive skills, but in
the use of their emotional skills as well.

From EQ to Successful Intelligence (SI)

In some ways, emotional intelligence represents the opposite side of

the coin from academic intelligence and perhaps multiple intelligence.
One deals with cognitive skills, the other with emotional skills. Is there
any way to combine these different kinds of intelligence?
One solution to this problem is what I call successful intelligence
(SI). Successful intelligence is a person’s ability to attain success in
life, whether by personal standards or by others’ standards. Successful
intelligence is different in kind from the other types of intelligences
because it is unique to each individual. Thus, one cannot graph a set
of scores for successful intelligence the way one might potentially do
for IQ , MI, or even EQ.
A person is successfully intelligent to the extent that he or she is
able to figure out what he or she does more and less well, and then
figure out how to capitalize on or make the most of the strengths, while
at the same time compensating for or correcting weaknesses. People’s
strengths and weaknesses are as diverse as they are. Most people who
attain success in their lives, however defined, are people who figure
out who they are—what they have to offer themselves, others, and
the world at large. They find ways of making the most of their diverse
talents, and they find ways to live with their weaknesses.
The implication of this theory is that the single most important thing
a parent can do for a child is to help that child figure out his or her pattern of
strengths and weaknesses. This pattern may have little or even nothing
to do with the kinds of talents recognized by the school. For example,
my son, at 17, became a pilot; my daughter, at 16, was playing the oboe
and the bassoon. Neither set of skills was particularly valued by the
school. What matters is not so much what the school values, but what
the child can turn into a lifelong pursuit. I was studying psychology
independently as an adolescent in the days when almost no junior or
senior high school offered psychology. My teachers were vaguely aware
16 parenting gifted children

of what I was doing, but not terribly interested in it. I turned this inter-
est into an adult career and a lifelong quest.
Successful intelligence involves a blend of many kinds of skills, but
three are particularly important: analytical skills of the kinds measured
by conventional IQ tests, as well as creative skills and practical skills —
neither of which is measured by conventional tests. Children with high
levels of creative and practical skills often are not identified as gifted
and may even be seen as “problem children.” The creative child may
be viewed as contrary, the practical child as unmotivated. In a sense,
these attributions are correct. Creative children do tend to be contrary,
and practical children tend to be unmotivated by academic work that
makes little or no connection to their daily lives. Instead of looking at
these attributes as weaknesses, schools can view them as strengths if
they teach and then assess achievement in ways that recognize these
important skills.
My colleagues and I conducted a study in which we identified
high school students for conventional (IQ-like) skills, but also for cre-
ative and practical skills. We then taught these children college-level
psychology in a way that either allowed them or didn’t allow them
to capitalize on their strengths and compensate for or correct their
weaknesses.
In other words, they were placed in a classroom that was either a
better or worse match for their pattern of abilities. The crucial find-
ing was that children who were taught in a way that recognized and
rewarded their pattern of abilities significantly outperformed those
children who were taught in a “one-size-fits-all” manner of teaching.
Schools can probably improve the achievement of many children
if only they were to teach in a way that recognizes and capitalizes on
students’ strengths while allowing them to compensate for and correct
their weaknesses.

What Parents Can Do

Here are seven strategies for helping your child develop successful
intelligence:
 Developing Your Child’s Successful Intelligence 17

•â•¢ Find the strengths and make the most of them. The search can be
frustrating. Often it means trying many different areas of pur-
suit, many of which lead nowhere. At times, you and your child
may just want to give up. But think of how many potentially
gifted children will never be identified because they and their
parents never took the time to dig out their strengths. Finding
the few areas of strength, or even one, that set your child apart
is one of the best things you can do for your child. When it
comes time for that child to apply to college, remember that
the unusual strengths are what set young people apart from
each other. Schools like Yale and Harvard can find lots of
students with good grades and test scores. What they look for
is the special something that makes one applicant stand out
from the rest.
•â•¢ Think unconventionally. When looking for strengths, think
unconventionally. Strengths can be anywhere: academic areas,
music, drama, fiction writing, metalwork, drawing, sculpture,
archaeology, athletics, investing, fixing things, inventing,
working with animals, entrepreneurship, sewing, gardening,
or interacting with others. The main limit is in our imagina-
tions in exploring various options.
•â•¢ Find the weaknesses and correct or compensate for them. Children
also need to know what they do not do well. Once you identify
these weaknesses, then help your child correct them as much
as possible or devise strategies of compensation. Many weak-
nesses make little difference to people’s lives. My artwork is
terrible, but I manage to get by quite easily without this skill.
But if your child’s weakness is in an area in which he or she
must function—language, math, the sciences—then work to
develop compensatory and corrective strategies.
•â•¢ Allow for mistakes and false paths. The search for strengths and
weaknesses and ways to deal with them will inevitably lead to
mistakes and routes down false paths. As a society, we tend to
abhor both of these outcomes. Learn instead to welcome them
as learning opportunities. There is no better way to learn than
from one’s mistakes and from the false paths one has taken.
18 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Find what is right for your child, whether or not it is what would
have been right for you. I cannot tell you how many college stu-
dents I meet who are studying law, medicine, or business simply
because it is what their parents want them to do. Ultimately,
they may achieve some success in these fields, but usually not
with the success they would have achieved had they followed
their own interests and strengths. I never dreamed of my son’s
getting a pilot’s license, nor was it something I had in mind for
him. I’m not crazy about the bassoon. Nonetheless, I encourage
my children to find the right path for them, not the path that
might have been my wish for them to have taken.
•â•¢ Encourage sensible risks. Finding the right path entails risks
because many times people travel down the wrong paths first.
Also, people will make mistakes while traveling down these
paths—and even while traveling down the right path. Finally,
the right path may not always be one that friends, school
officials, or even some parents value. Children and their par-
ents need to take the risk of finding what is right for them.
Opportunities for sensible risk taking include summer pro-
grams, camp, semesters abroad, afterschool volunteer programs,
internships, and the like.
•â•¢ Celebrate your child. Successful intelligence is within everyone’s
grasp. It represents a very different idea from the conventional
IQ-like notion. The question is not whether the strengths are
there. The question is whether we can find them. Seek, and
you shall find!
 Chapter 3
Why Gifted Children May
Not Test Well
by Ben Paris

“I
don’t do well on tests.” Ever heard someone say this? Ever
say this same thing about yourself, or your child? Many
people believe that they (or their children) are much smarter
than their test scores seem to indicate. Some of the time this
is wishful thinking, but some of the people who say they “don’t test
well” have a valid point. Academic tests are designed to accurately mea-
sure specific knowledge and skills, but they aren’t perfect. Sometimes
tests indicate a higher ability than one actually possesses. Test takers
don’t complain about those mistakes. It’s the flip side that brings the
complaints: Sometimes the test’s ability estimate is too low, and worse,
some people consistently get test scores that underpredict their true
ability. Not testing well can mean receiving scores that indicate less
ability than one really possesses. This happens even to gifted students,
and for some of them it happens repeatedly.
Typically, it’s assumed that gifted students would likely do well on
tests, and many do. But for other gifted students, part of what makes
them who they are also makes it more difficult for them to succeed on
tests. Based on 15 years of experience helping students succeed on stan-
dardized tests, I have seen patterns underlying poor test performance,
including lack of motivation, overthinking, perfectionism, overconfi-
dence and sloppiness, excessive test stress, and the administration of
the wrong test. Provided are reasons why these performance inhibitors
occur, along with suggestions for overcoming these barriers.

19
20 parenting gifted children

Lack of Motivation

For many, the greater barrier to success is a lack of caring about suc-
cess. Of course, caring about success does not guarantee it; failure occurs
for lots of reasons. Still, not caring at all usually guarantees failure. If a
student is not motivated to succeed, that issue must be addressed before
any other. Unmotivated students often ignore tutors, dismiss educational
supplements, and gain little from the best enrichment programs.
All kinds of students lack motivation. Gifted students are no excep-
tion. Sometimes they lose motivation when they are bored and unchal-
lenged. Others are so independent that they are uninterested in anyone’s
approval. Regardless of the cause, if motivation is an issue, it immediately
becomes a priority.
Like many problems, lack of motivation is best addressed before
it starts, but this is not always possible. Still, there are approaches to
be tried:
•â•¢ Don’t chase an unmotivated student. Begging, pleading, and
throwing resources at an unmotivated student results in noth-
ing but frustration. This also can reinforce a situation in which
the student does none of the work and shirks the responsibil-
ity for his or her behavior. Parents think that they need to try
harder (or shout louder) to get their kid on the right track, but
more effort or higher volume goes nowhere with a child who
truly doesn’t care.
•â•¢ Break the cycle. Find out what motivates the student who is unmo-
tivated about academic success. Everyone cares about something.
Sometimes a student will have a special interest in one subject.
Sometimes education is a means toward achieving independence.
If nothing else, a student who is unmotivated to succeed in high
school may want to get into an excellent college that offers a
different environment. Having a reason to succeed is a good
step toward actually wanting to succeed.
•â•¢ If you cannot discover anything in the academic world that moti-
vates a student, you can try other rewards or punishments, such
as driving privileges or grounding him or her on weekends.
However, this path is full of danger. Rewards and punishments
 Why Gifted Children May Not Test Well 21

need to be reasonable, proportionate, and applied consistently.

Unrealistic demands, unkept promises, and empty threats will
destroy your credibility. Also, be aware that when a student
achieves merely to get some external reward or avoid punish-
ment, those achievements are quite fragile. Sometimes students
need encouragement just to discover their own love of learning,
but if that doesn’t happen, then those rewards and punishments
are merely postponing the moment of failure.
•â•¢ Be patient. Motivation does not appear in one day, but once
developed, it endures.

Overthinking

Gifted students are skilled at seeing things in different ways. They

come up with possibilities that other people don’t see. In most contexts,
this ability is an asset. But on a test, particularly multiple-choice tests,
coming up with a unique interpretation is a real weakness. Gifted stu-
dents will bend over backwards to find arguments for all of the choices,
whereas average-ability learners tend to pick their answer and move on.
Overthinking can be overcome. At first, it’s hard to recognize the
difference between making solid inferences and overdoing it. However,
analyzing one’s results after the fact can reveal a pattern. When taking
multiple-choice practice tests, overthinkers should note when they are
following the straightforward path and when they are going fishing.
After the test, he or she should see how often the straightforward
approach was correct. After a while, the overthinker will develop a
sense of when he or she may be going too far.

Perfectionism

Gifted children often are highly motivated to succeed, and they

frequently display great attention to detail. Typically these are good
things, but when taken to an extreme, this can lead to perfectionism.
The perfectionist is focused on answering everything correctly. On
22 parenting gifted children

many tests, an obsession with avoiding mistakes is an advantage, but on

timed tests this obsession can lead to disaster. On time-pressured tests
the test taker has to move on to scoop up as many points as possible
before time runs out. But perfectionists can’t move on. They become
obsessed with certain questions and devote too much time to answering
them. Perfectionists do well on the questions they answer but often do
not answer enough questions to score well. They have an even harder
time with timed essay exams and often are so focused on writing the
perfect essay that they wind up writing nothing at all.
There’s no quick fix for perfectionism, but here are some suggestions:
•â•¢ The first step is to recognize that there is a problem. Sound familiar?
Usually a low score on a practice test makes the point, although
sometimes the lesson needs to be learned through a low score
on the real thing. One way or another, the student needs to
learn that searching for perfection is doing harm.
•â•¢ Once the problem is acknowledged, new habits need to be formed.
Put the perfectionist in situations in which it is possible to do
well even while making mistakes. Strictly timed practice on
very time-pressured assignments can take the sting out of every
little mistake. How many math problems can you solve in a
minute? Can you write a good (but not perfect) short essay in
20 minutes? Succeeding on these tasks builds familiarity and
comfort with the mindset required to succeed under imperfect
conditions.
•â•¢ It isn’t worth rewiring one’s entire personality in the pursuit of a few
good test scores. Still, the benefits of overcoming perfectionism
aren’t limited to tests. If you’re looking for greater change, con-
sider putting the perfectionist in competitive situations. Sports
or even card games can work this way. Students can mess up
left and right and still win as long as they do better than their
opponent. Activities that reward precision and practicality can
help the perfectionist find a better balance. Playing the card
game Bridge is a good option. The bidding stage appeals to the
idealist, but the play allows you to win despite your mistakes.
 Why Gifted Children May Not Test Well 23

Overconfidence

This is the flip side of perfectionism. Many gifted children are so

used to succeeding without really trying that they are convinced that
they can’t possibly fail. Although the perfectionist does well on the
questions he or she answers but doesn’t get to them all, the overcon-
fident/sloppy student will answer the hardest questions correctly but
miss too many of the easy ones.
Here are some suggestions for addressing or stopping this problem
before it starts:
•â•¢ Overconfidence is learned, and so people who are consistently
challenged are less likely to be overconfident in the first place.
A child who always succeeds can be prone to overconfidence.
Maintaining a proper balance both in school and at home is
important. At school, children need challenging assignments
or special projects. At home, parents can draw upon a wide
variety of resources to find enrichment activities for their chil-
dren. For example, the California Learning Strategies Center
(http://www.learningstrategiescenter.com), Hoagies’ Gifted
Education Page (http://www.hoagiesgifted.org), and the
National Association for Gifted Children (http://www.nagc.
org) offer resources, information, and advice to help parents
provide gifted children academic challenge.
•â•¢ If overconfidence cannot be avoided, start by recognizing the problem.
Sometimes a low score will be enough to raise the red flag. If
that’s all it takes to dispel overconfidence, then consider yourself
lucky. Often, overconfident students brush off poor results by
explaining why the test is stupid or why the teacher hates them.
Try to address concerns in the cold light of reason. This can be
tough, because the overconfident student is typically resistant
to admitting flaws. Slowly demonstrate the real cause of some
of the errors, emphasize that everyone makes some mistakes,
and help the overconfident student find the better path him- or
herself.
24 parenting gifted children

Sloppiness

While the overconfident student does not recognize the possibil-

ity of failure, others recognize this possibility but keep on making too
many avoidable mistakes. This can have a devastating effect on one’s
score, especially on exams where one small mistake can prevent earn-
ing any points at all. There’s a famous story of an engineering student
whose exam answer was off by a minus sign. He got zero points for the
question, so he asked the professor for partial credit. The professor told
him, “It doesn’t do any good to build a bridge upside down.”
•â•¢ Sloppiness also is difficult to address quickly. Analyzing one’s per-
formance is important, because the sloppy student’s test score
looks the same as the scores of students with much lower ability.
If the student handles the toughest abstract algebra concepts
with ease but blows the question by making an addition mis-
take, then sloppiness may be the issue. This sounds obvious,
but people skip this step every day. A parent once came to me
for SAT advice. Her daughter was getting low scores in math
despite hours and hours of math tutoring. I looked at her results
and told her to stop studying math. She already knew the math,
she just needed to make fewer careless errors.
•â•¢ However, making fewer mistakes is easier said than done; the issue
is how to reduce them. Slowing down often helps. Students
should learn to recognize the kinds of mistakes they are likely
to make. Examining recent test results often helps uncover
existing patterns. For example, the results of a math test can
determine how many errors were caused by calculation errors
or by not answering the question asked, as opposed to not
understanding the content. The student who makes calcula-
tion errors should slow down and perhaps double-check. The
student who does not answer the question asked should devote
extra attention at the start of a new problem to make sure that
he or she understands the task at hand.
•â•¢ Carelessness. A student who understands all of the higher-order
concepts but loses too many points because of simple calcu-
lation mistakes could have a disability. Initially, the leading
 Why Gifted Children May Not Test Well 25

explanation of careless errors is carelessness. But if the student

makes a strong effort to concentrate and still fumbles away
points, then testing for a learning disability may be appropriate.

Excessive Test Stress

Tests are stressful for everyone, but some people get so stressed
out that they can barely function. Test stress has both physical and
mental ramifications. Physically, the stressed-out student may experi-
ence an increased heart rate, excessive perspiration, and even shaking.
Mentally, the stressed-out student may panic, experience a sense of
impending doom, and an escalating cycle of negativity. Test stress
can affect anyone, but gifted students who already are supermotivated
in a high-stakes environment are more susceptible to excessive stress.
Dealing with test stress starts with recognizing its cause. Test stress
is an overreaction to one or more real problems, such as not being pre-
pared for the test. Often, test stress comes from fear, such as fear of the
unknown, a low score, or the consequences of a low score. In most cases,
preparation and practice can take the terror out of testing. Becoming
familiar with the test can help to eliminate many of the unknowns.

Gifted . . . But in Something Else

Even gifted students may not be gifted in every way. Some are
especially strong in math, language arts, or science. Even within math,
some students are strong in abstract reasoning but average at simple
calculation. Unfortunately, most academic tests are not designed to
uncover which of many possible gifts the examinees possess. Instead,
they typically measure ability in a restricted number of skills, and so
a gifted child whose gifts are not measured by a particular test will
have rather ordinary test results. For example, students who are highly
creative but not especially good at calculation or reading comprehension
often have unremarkable test scores.
26 parenting gifted children

If your child has gifts that aren’t measured by an exam, consider

seeking out a context where his or her gifts can be expressed. For
example, the creative writer who doesn’t do well in reading compre-
hension may not get into an honors English class, but there may be a
creative writing class or supplemental program that will give that writer
the chance to flourish.

Conclusion

The various reasons that many students do not test well have been
addressed individually. But more often than not, several factors are in
play. Some form nasty combinations, such as perfectionism and test
stress. Some play off each other, such as being sloppy and unmotivated.
Regardless of the combination, understanding what is going on is a great
step toward addressing the problem and finding the appropriate solutions.
Students who don’t test well get lower scores than they should,
but in most cases there are concrete reasons for their low performance.
More importantly, there are steps to help them achieve scores that are
commensurate with their true abilities. Sometimes the improvement
can be immediate. High achievers can quickly learn not to overthink or
take more time to avoid sloppy mistakes. Other issues, such as motiva-
tion, take longer to address. But, in any case, the most important step
is to understand that not testing well is a solvable problem and not
a life sentence. A student who rises to many of life’s challenges can
handle this one, too.
 Chapter 4
A Glossary of Terms Used in
Educational Assessment
by Michael Freedman and John Houtz

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful

tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.”
“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so
many different things.”
“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—
that’s all.” (Carroll, 1865/1974, p. 238)

W
hen talking with your children’s teachers or other school
personnel, you might find that you’re feeling a bit like
Alice in Wonderland. All professional fields have special
vocabularies, or jargon, but in education today there are
a great many new terms. And many of these terms are quite technical
and specialized, dealing with testing and other forms of assessment.
In response to many new laws, practices, and advances in research
and theory, there is additional jargon or new vocabulary that makes it
harder for you as parents—and for everyone else concerned—to keep
“on top” of things, to understand your children’s school experience, and
to participate fully in your children’s education. The purpose of this
article is to offer definitions and explanations of some “classic” terms
that you often will hear, and of several of the more recent measurement
terms that are finding their way into the world of education today. We
present the terms alphabetically, in the form of a glossary.

27
28 parenting gifted children

Ability and Aptitude. The terms ability and aptitude are closely related
and often difficult to distinguish from each other. Ability, the
mental or physical capacity to perform at a given level, is consid-
ered to be innate, therefore determined genetically. According to
psychological theory, it may be described as possession of one or
more of the multiple areas of intelligence that have been described
by various theories and models. Aptitude may be described as the
proclivity to excel in the performance of specific tasks (as in, “she
has a real aptitude for drawing”).

Accountability. Accountability in assessment refers to holding individuals

or institutions responsible for the outcomes of instruction. For example,
you might hear or read that “students are accountable for their school
successes and/or failures,” that “teachers (or parents) are accountable
for the performance of their students (or children),” or that “school
principals are accountable for the achievement of their schools.”

Achievement. Achievement is a measure of the quality and or the quan-

tity of the success one has in the mastery of knowledge, skills, or
understandings. References to academic achievement, for example,
usually involve performance in such areas as reading, mathematics,
science, or social studies.

Achievement Test Batteries. Many schools test students using an array

of subtests, in a number of academic content areas and at a variety
of grade levels under a single overall test name. For example, a
particular “Test of Basic Skills” might involve subtests of math-
ematical skills, language skills, and vocabulary.

Assessment. Assessment involves the process of “taking stock” of, or

understanding, an individual’s characteristics, status, or perfor-
mance, and typically involves considering and interpreting infor-
mation from several sources of data. It might involve, for example,
observations, interviews, or other kinds of information. (Compare
with evaluation and measurement.)
 A Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment 29

Authentic Assessment. Authentic assessment refers to the evalua-

tion of students’ work on activities that students engage in that
approximate realistic or real-life tasks and performances, rather
than answering traditional paper-and-pencil tests. Authentic tasks
typically require complex work, problem solving, and integration
of a variety of knowledge and skills brought to bear on a realistic
task or challenge. For example, students might use grocery store
ads, a shopping list, and a budget to spend as a realistic alternative
to completing a group of arithmetic “column addition” exercises
on a worksheet.

Competency-Based Assessment. This phrase indicates that students

will be evaluated against some specific learning, behavior, or per-
formance objective. This objective and/or the level of performance
that represents “competency” is clearly established in the curricu-
lum and represents an expected level of expertise or mastery of
skills or knowledge.

Criterion-Referenced Testing. Criterion-referenced testing refers to

evaluating students against an absolute standard of achievement,
rather than evaluating them in comparison with the performance
of other students. A standard of performance is set to represent a
level of expertise or mastery of skills or knowledge.

Derived Scores or Standard Scores. Derived scores or standard scores

transform raw scores (the actual number of correct responses) into
values that allow us to compare one student’s performance in rela-
tion to the performance of others of the same age or grade or to
the highest possible score on a test. Common standard scores are
z-scores, T-scores, percentiles, and stanines. Derived or standard
scores are all computed by determining how far above or below
the mean of all scores a student scores, and then representing the
results using a standard scale.
30 parenting gifted children

Evaluation. Evaluation represents a judgment or determination of value

(e.g., effective or ineffective, or below, at, or above grade level) that
is placed on some performance.

Formative Evaluation. Formative evaluation refers to any form of

assessment, such as quizzes, tests, essays, projects, interviews, or
presentations, in which the goal is to give students feedback about
their work while it is in progress, to help students correct errors or
missteps, or to improve the work along the way to the final product.
In contrast, summative evaluation is to make a judgment about a
final product or about the quality of performance at the end of an
instructional unit or course.

Grade Equivalent Score. A grade equivalent score describes a student’s

performance on that test in relation to a grade level and number of
months during the year of that grade. (A score of 8.2, for example,
tells you that your child obtained the same score on a test that an
average student in the second month of the eighth grade would
obtain.) Of course, if your child is in the fifth grade, that’s very
good, but if your child is in the tenth grade, that’s not so good!

High-Stakes Testing. High-stakes testing typically refers to major state

or national standardized school achievement tests administered
periodically to students at various grade levels. The phrase “high
stakes” is used to signify that these test results carry a great deal of
weight among school personnel, government agencies, politicians,
community leaders, and the general public. These test results often
are used to make important decisions about students, teachers, and
their schools, such as graduation, grade promotions or retentions,
selection for highly competitive programs or schools, or staffing
and budget decisions.

Intelligence. Over many years, the concept of intelligence has had many
definitions. Intelligence has been defined, to cite several examples,
as the ability to think conceptually, to solve problems, to manipu-
late one’s environment, or to develop expertise. Some theorists have
 A Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment 31

proposed that intelligence is mostly innate, inherited, or biologically

based, and others have argued equally strongly that intelligence is
influenced by one’s environment. Issues regarding the nature and
breadth of intelligence continue to be topics of lively discussion among
theorists and researchers in several fields of study (including educa-
tional psychology, cognitive psychology, and sociology, for example).

Learning Objective. A learning objective is a specific statement that

describes what the student is to learn, understand, or to be able to
do as a result of a lesson or a series of lessons.

Learning Outcome. A learning outcome represents what the student

actually achieved as a result of a lesson or a series of lessons. The
success of lessons may be influenced by the students’ prior knowledge,
their effort and attention, teaching methods, resources, and time.
Learning outcomes refer to the results of instruction, while learning
objectives refer to the intended goals and purposes of lessons.

Measurement. Measurement is simply the process of assigning a

number, or a score if you will, to some performance or product.
Examples would include grading a test or a homework assignment
in terms of number or percent of correct or incorrect responses.

Measures of Central Tendency. Measures of central tendency are

quantitative (numerical) ways to describe the middle of a distri-
bution of scores. Because most individuals in a given population
tend to exhibit middle levels of competence or presence of a char-
acteristic, most people tend to earn scores that are near the central
portion of the normal curve (see definition below). There are three
common measures of central tendency: mean, median, and mode.
The mean refers to a numerical average of the scores. It is obtained
by adding all of the scores and dividing their sum by the number
of scores (e.g., scores of 100, 90, 80, 80 and 70 result in a mean
of 84). The median is simply the middle score when all scores are
placed in ranked order. The median in our example would be 80
because it is the third score counted in from either direction. The
32 parenting gifted children

mode is the most often occurring score. In our example, the mode
is 80 because it occurs more often than any other score.

Minimum Competency. Minimum competency is a judgment of the

lowest level of skill or knowledge a student must have attained
to be considered competent in that area. Minimum competency
tests are often the focus of broad national educational efforts to
improve education. It is important to note, especially for high-
ability students, that minimum competencies do not represent
an adequate standard or expectation of performance, nor do they
imply proficiency in, or mastery of, the content or skill being tested.

Normal Curve (“Bell Curve”). The normal or “bell” curve is a com-

mon way of representing the distribution of scores for a particular
competence or characteristic in a large population. Because most
individuals of any population would exhibit “average” competence
or presence of a characteristic, their scores appear in the middle
area around the crest of the curve. Those who exhibit exceptionally
high or low competence or very great or very small presence of a
characteristic appear at either end of the curve’s shape.

Norm-Referenced Testing (or Norm-Referenced Assessment). Norm-

referenced testing refers to testing in which individuals’ results are
compared to some larger group (such as a national or statewide
sample of students). Usually, “norm” or “normal” groups are those
in which the students’ scores are distributed in a “normal” (or bell-
shaped) pattern. In these cases, an individual’s performance is
assessed in relation to where his or her score would fall under the
normal curve.

Objective Test Items. Objective test items require the student to select
a specific response to a question that can be graded as either cor-
rect or incorrect. They are easy to administer and score (and often
can be machine-scored). Common examples of objective test items
include true-false, multiple-choice, and matching questions.
 A Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment 33

Online Assessment. Online assessment is an assessment that is accessed

on a computer via the Internet or a similar computer network. The
assessment or test is read online and the responses are given online
by selecting or checking a choice by clicking the mouse, typing
a response, or perhaps even touching the computer screen with a
special “pen,” or speaking a response aloud using voice recognition
technology. Online assessment also may be a vehicle for submitting
a portfolio of student performances or completed assignments for
the teacher to evaluate.

Percentile Ranks. Percentile ranks refer to an individual’s standing in

relation to the rest of the individuals in the norm or comparison
group (i.e., others who are taking the same test). If your child
receives a percentile rank of 90, it means that your child achieved
a score equal to or better than 90% of the rest of the group with
whom he or she is being compared.

Performance Assessment. Performance assessment refers to a system

of evaluating individuals’ abilities or achievements based on actual
work or behavior. Performance assessment focuses on the student’s
ability to apply what he or she has learned to a realistic task—a
problem or situation that might be encountered in real life.

Portfolios. Portfolios are collections of an individual’s work. Some

educators regard portfolio assessment as a better method of observ-
ing and evaluating what learners truly know, understand, and can
do than tests and homework exercises, for example. In typical
classrooms that employ portfolios, students keep their work (e.g.,
quizzes, test papers, creative writing, homework, book reports,
project reports, art projects, etc.) in large folders, boxes, electronic
files, or other storage containers. They may keep all of their work
or, as is more typical and recommended as best practice, students
(on their own or with their teachers’ guidance) periodically select
samples of their work to illustrate their best performances across
a variety of activities. Students and teachers also may keep work
samples of various degrees of achievement to illustrate growth in
34 parenting gifted children

ability over time or to help identify and illustrate particular weak-

nesses or disabilities that require additional attention.

Power Tests. Power tests typically have no time limits or very generous
time limits so that the individual has sufficient time to answer all
questions. On a power test, the goal is to measure as much as the
individual can do without the pressure of time limits. (Compare
with “speed tests.”)

Profile. A student profile often is used to describe a student’s charac-

teristics and learning needs, to help guide important educational
decisions for a particular individual, or to guide individualized
instructional planning. It may contain many different kinds of data
(including test scores, observations, anecdotal records, samples of
student work, or comments from cumulative records) that describe
the student, the circumstances that prompted creating the profile,
questions or problems requiring resolution, and suggestions for
making desired decisions.

Range. The range of scores is the difference between the highest and
lowest recorded scores. If the lowest score is 28 and the highest is
98, then the range is 70.

Reliability. Reliability refers to the degree of consistency or depend-

ability of a test. A reliable test will produce similar scores and
distributions whenever it is given to similar populations. Thus, if
a student scored a 90 on an achievement test today, then, if the
test is reliable, the student’s score would not differ substantially if
the test were taken again another day. Reliability also may mean
that a student would earn similar scores on two different forms of
a test, if tested at about the same time.

Rubric. A rubric is a chart or plan that identifies criteria for evaluating a

piece of a student’s work, be it an essay, test, a paper, or some other
student production. The rubric offers a description of the qualities
or characteristics of performance for several levels (such as begin-
 A Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment 35

ning, intermediate, or advanced, or needs improvement, adequate, or

outstanding) that the teacher or other evaluator may assign. The best
rubrics offer the clearest details for each category of evaluation so that
a student’s products can be evaluated consistently. Rubrics may be
“analytic” and “holistic.” An analytic rubric specifies all the components
of a perfect response and point values are assigned to each component.
Although holistic scoring also identifies a model or perfect answer,
point values are not assigned. Thus, holistic or global scoring is more
subjective and may be less reliable than analytic scoring.

Speed Tests. Speed tests are tests with specific time limits. Such a test
rewards individuals who can work fast to answer the test items.
Students with disabilities may be exempt from time limits set for
speed tests. (Compare with power tests.)

Standardized Tests. Standardized tests are instruments that are

administered, scored, and interpreted in the same, prespecified
way by all users. There are detailed instructions or rules for how
a test is administered and scored. (One example of a well-known
standardized test is the Scholastic Aptitude Test or SAT.)

Standards-Based. To put standards-based in front of such terms as

instruction, assessment, testing, measurement, evaluation, and
other terms typically means that whatever teachers teach and
students do in class is evaluated against specifically written and
adopted standards, or goals and objectives, of achievement, usually
written and adopted at the state or national level.

Subjective Tests. Subjective tests refers to the approach used to evaluate

or score the student’s response to a writing prompt, an open-ended
task or question, or a “free,” unstructured response to a short answer
or essay question. Unlike objective tests, in which the correct or
incorrect answer selection is easily and quickly obtained, subjec-
tive assessments present a more difficult challenge to score and
require considerably more time to read and to analyze carefully
and equitably.
36 parenting gifted children

Validity. Validity is a term that describes how well a test, or a test item,
measures what it claims to measure, accurately predicts a behavior,
or accurately contributes to decision making about the presence or
absence of a characteristic.

A Note of Caution

Any interpretations of the results of an assessment and any educa-

tional decisions should be made with the primary goal of understanding
and doing what is best for the individual child. These decisions, which
may involve the parent, teacher, counselor, principal, psychologist, and
the child, should use the score of the measurement instrument only as
one piece of information—one of many data inputs into the process.
Your efforts to understand and help your child will require that
you seek from your child’s teachers and other knowledgeable school
personnel additional explanations and clarifications of these terms and
how they are used. We provided this glossary to help inform you and
to guide you in determining the information you will need, as well as
the questions you might raise, to improve communication and build a
collaborative relationship with the school. Alice marveled at how words
might mean so many things, and although this is true in relation to
testing in schools today, we hope this glossary will help you to better
understand many of the terms you may encounter.

References

Carroll, L. (1974). Alice in Wonderland and through the looking glass. New York,
NY: Grosser & Dunlop. (Original work published 1865)
 Part II
Characteristics and
Development
by Joan Franklin Smutny

T
he stereotype of giftedness—what it looks like and how it
appears in the classroom—is still so strong that even the keen-
est observers tend to equate giftedness with achievement. But
parents see much more in their children—the exceptional abil-
ity, yes, but also their heightened sensitivities, intuitive understanding,
empathy far beyond their years; also, their untraditional ways of learn-
ing. Taken together, these characteristics can present special challenges
in school. Parents wonder how their gifted daughter will function in a
kindergarten where no one is reading, how their creative son will turn
a new page in a middle school where he can’t make any friends, or how
their brilliant daughter will face the disconcerting prospect of having
to settle for a college that accepts her average SAT scores.
Spanning the years from preschool to college, the Characteristics
and Development section provides a range of articles on how to effec-
tively support gifted children’s growth at some of the most critical
junctures of their lives. The guidance offered by these articles acts as
a much-needed compass for parents who often wonder when and how

37
38 parenting gifted children

they should intervene in their children’s school experience. The articles

not only inform them about the common challenges of gifted children,
but how they can become more proactive in responding to them. For
example, an awareness of the fact that gifted students sometimes lack
organizational and other skills due to being underchallenged in school
(if they can excel without these skills, why should they bother learn-
ing them?), alerts parents to a need that they can address before their
children get to college or struggle in a high school honors program.
By reading these articles, parents will appreciate their unique role as
advocates and consider more options than they might have thought of
on their own.
The section is divided into four parts. The first addresses issues com-
mon to all age groups while the next three focus on specific age groups
(preschool, middle school, and the transition from high school to col-
lege). Sally Reis’ chapter, “Self-Regulated Learning and Academically
Talented Students,” begins this section by dispelling the myth about
gifted and talented students as self-sufficient learners. As Reis makes
clear, having exceptional ability does not guarantee self-regulated skills
and without such skills, even the most able child can fall short of his
potential. Reis shows how self-regulation equips gifted students to take
care of their own needs as learners, adjust to different circumstances,
and monitor their progress. This chapter follows with one by Rita Dunn,
Karen Burke, and Janet Whitely titled, “What Do You Know About
Learning Styles?” Understanding their children’s unique learning styles
places parents in a stronger position to communicate with teachers and
other school personnel. The authors provide a useful way of looking
at two distinct kinds of learners—those who think more analytically
(in a step-by-step sequence) and those who think more globally (con-
ceptualizing many issues or domains related to a topic). Included are
many practical ideas on how parents can apply their knowledge of
learning styles to issues their children have with homework, resources
and materials for study, and classroom assignments.
The second part focuses on the preschool years with a chapter by
Ken W. McCluskey called “The Importance of Being Early: A Case
for Preschool Enrichment.”
 Characteristics and Development 39

He advocates for greater flexibility in the schools, particularly in

allowing early admission for young gifted students ready for the chal-
lenge. Provided are a variety of strategies for parents to enrich their
young children’s lives at home. Giving quality time to their children
in these earliest years and working toward better communication and
cooperation with the schools, parents can build a solid foundation for
future learning. The chapter “Too Busy to Play?” by Robert D. Strom
builds on this, examining play as the preferred method for learning
among many preschoolers. The article suggests how imaginative play
can significantly contribute to the creative growth and well-being of
young gifted children with tangible gains noted in vocabulary, imagi-
nation, and higher level thinking.
The third part attends to the adolescent/middle school years, begin-
ning with “Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted,” by Sylvia Rimm. Based
on a survey of 5,400 students from grades 3 to 8 and meetings with 400
students, the author explores the social-emotional landscape of today’s
middle schoolers. Regardless of how gifted children appear, fourth, fifth,
and sixth graders, even among high achievers, have marked anxieties
about social acceptance and popularity. The chapter counsels parents to
let their gifted children enjoy their childhood—to challenge them in
ways that feed their gifts, but without pushing them into early adult-
hood. “Creating Successful Middle School Partnerships: A Parent’s
Perspective” by Rebecca Robbins reports on the unique challenges of
gifted middle school students from a parent’s personal experience. The
chapter examines the help parents can find in high school partnerships,
distance learning classrooms, online high school courses, independent
study, and school programs like the Science Olympiad. Parents play
a critical role in middle school success and need to be proactive and
current with new developments in the middle school grades.
The last part of this section focuses on that critical rite of passage from
high school into college through two chapters. The first chapter is “College
Planning With Gifted Children: Start Early” by Maureen Neihart. The
author notes key benefits to early college planning in the middle to junior
high grades. Early exposure to educational options after high school and
to professionals in different fields can inspire gifted learners about their
future and give them adequate time to plan for scholarship opportuni-
40 parenting gifted children

ties. Parents need to support their sons and daughters in discovering

their greatest passions in life and in weighing the choices they have for
pursuing these interests. Parents who start this process early—in middle
school—enable their children to explore the full range of options avail-
able to them.
The section closes with one other chapter, “Real Fears of Incoming
First-Year College Students: What Parents Can Do” by Mary Kay
Shanley and Julia Johnston, which illustrates how to support gifted
students facing the pressures and adjustments of their first year at col-
lege. Echoing previous articles, Shanley and Johnston examine ways
parents can be proactive—supporting the development of study skills,
time management, and organization throughout high school. During
the transition to college life, parents should continue to support their
sons and daughters —often by sharing the wisdom and life lessons they
gained from their own struggles and triumphs in college.
The chapters all stress the role of parents in bolstering the confi-
dence of gifted students and providing an anchor when their children
feel afraid or uncertain. Parents are their children’s greatest advocates
and a vital part of this advocacy is finding resources and helping them
navigate the world when social, emotional, and academic problems
overwhelm them. Becoming informed has to be a priority for parents
and this means addressing their own assumptions and misconceptions
about their children. A key theme emphasized in all of the articles is
the importance of parents being there for their gifted kids—being will-
ing to share their own experiences and to spend real time with them.
Parents who share themselves are more effective in advocating for their
promising children than those who are too busy to do so.
As they read these chapters, parents should think about the needs
of their own gifted children. Consider some of the following questions:
•â•¢ Where do I need more information on my child’s challenges
in order to better advocate for him or her?
•â•¢ What assumptions do I have about my child’s abilities, skills,
and preparedness?
•â•¢ What needs might my child have that I’ve never considered?
•â•¢ What resources should I explore in my own environment and
among my own acquaintances?
 Characteristics and Development 41

•â•¢ What strategies can I use to communicate the needs of my

child to his or her school and to work out the best arrange-
ments for him or her?
•â•¢ How do I help my gifted son or daughter to become more
resilient, more able to persist in hard times, more determined
when circumstances are discouraging?

This latter question leads to a point that should receive more atten-
tion in gifted education today: the need to instill inner strength and
resiliency in gifted children by cultivating the creative spirit. This cul-
tivation, however, is more about being than doing—how we as parents
go about living our daily lives, how we express ourselves to our ever-
watchful kids, how we plod along the beaten path, or, conversely, take
risks and relish the experience.
Fostering the creative spirit may begin with supporting a child’s
artistic interest or instilling an atmosphere of openness in the home.
But creativity offers a great deal more to the developing gifted child.
The practice of drawing on his or her inner resources is immensely
strengthening and nurtures a sense of independence and ownership of
the learning process. Creative work—and the honoring of the creative
force by parents—brings a sense of dignity and personal power that can
endure for a lifetime. To understand as a parent that the imprisoning
circumstances of school or society cannot strip you or your children of
this “personal power” to be and do is one of the great and often hidden
gifts of creativity in its broadest sense.
 Chapter 5
Selfâ•‚Regulated Learning
and Academically Talented
Students
by Sally M. Reis

F
or some parents of highâ•‚ability students, this scenario is familiar:

Peter is a fifth grader who seems bored and disinterested in all

academics most of the time in school. He fidgets constantly, is in
trouble often for being “off-task,” and has been referred for assess-
ment as having attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
for the last 3 years. His teacher reports that he rarely finishes his
schoolwork, daydreams often, and is rarely on task. He is in danger
of not learning basic information required by the district and state
curriculum standards. His mother, a pediatrician, does not believe
that he has ADHD, but rather, that he is not provided enough
opportunities for challenge and movement in his traditional school
environment. Peter and his father, who also has an extremely high
energy level, frequently build intricate rockets together, and Peter
can sit quietly for hours when he is engaged in work of his own selec-
tion. Peter has tested at the 99th percentile in general aptitude but
his work in school is often well below average. His lack of completion
of schoolwork is becoming increasingly problematic, particularly
when it appears that he does finish the work he wants to pursue
at home. Peter is being labeled an underachiever and his teacher

42
 Self‑Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students 43

believes he needs to gain some work strategies to achieve at higher

levels. How can his parents or teachers help him in this process?

Peter's underachieving behaviors may be emerging for various

reasons. Peter may not be challenged in school and may have to learn
how to discuss these issues with his parents and teachers and arrive
at a solution. Many strategies, such as curriculum compacting and
differentiation, can be used to address the lack of academic challenge
experienced by high-potential students. However, if Peter has problems
finishing work that is appropriately challenging in school, he may need
to learn and apply skills that experts refer to as “self-regulation.”
According to Zimmerman (1989), self-regulation enables students
to develop a set of constructive behaviors that can positively affect their
learning. In less technical terms, that means learning some skills that
students need to have if they are going to be responsible for decisions
about their own performance. Students face different types of chal-
lenges in learning how to meet their parent’s and teacher’s expecta-
tions while they also learn to develop their own strengths and talents.
Research suggests that they may benefit from learning to assume
responsibility for their own learning. In particular, Peter may need to
develop his own self-regulation to become more successful in school.

Self-Regulation Strategies Used by Successful Students

Zimmerman (1989) has demonstrated that there is a common set of

self-regulation strategies and an individual set of skills that each child
can develop to be successful in school and life. These include meth-
ods of organization for the time and place in which academic work is
completed, the types of regular patterns of homework and test prepara-
tion one learns to use, and the way self-control emerges. Research by
Zimmerman and others strongly suggests that self-regulation skills can
be taught, learned, and controlled. In my experience, the absence of
self-regulation in learning can be one of the most negative experiences
encountered by high-potential students.
44 parenting gifted children

Self-regulation strategies used by successful students usually fall

into three categories: personal, behavioral, and environmental. Parents
can help children learn and apply these strategies, with the goal that,
eventually, the children will be able to apply them independently. These
strategies include:
•â•¢ Personal Strategies: Personal strategies involve how a child orga-
nizes and interprets information and include organizing and
transforming information. These strategies enable children to
become much more efficient at learning, but even some of our
brightest students do not always understand how to study well
or efficiently. These skills include strategies such as outlining,
summarizing, highlighting, using flashcards or index cards,
and drawing pictures, diagrams, or charts.
•â•¢ Planning and Setting Goals: This includes identifying goals, with
strategies such as sequencing, timing, time management, pac-
ing, and thinking about how to accomplish the best work. For
example, parents can help their children learn to complete
homework at night, before they watch television, or to limit
the time they spend on entertainment to a certain number of
hours each night.
•â•¢ Keeping Records and Monitoring: The goal of this strategy is
to help children learn to be in charge of understanding their
strengths and what needs improvement and to take the time to
assess why they do well on some kinds of assignments and tasks
and less well on others. These skills include strategies such as
noteâ•‚taking, listing their own errors, keeping drafts of assign-
ments, considering their own improvements, and maintaining
a portfolio of their most special work.
•â•¢ Written and/or Verbal Rehearsing and Memorizing: These strat-
egies help children learn to memorize more efficiently and
learn how to be better at written and verbal language. This
includes using mnemonics to memorize important materials
by remembering the first initials of each word, using imagery
to remember diagrams or visualize concepts, teaching someone
else the material, or making sample questions.
 Self‑Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students 45

Behavioral Strategies

Behavioral strategies involve students checking their own prog-

ress or quality of work by examining the actions they take during the
learning process. Children must learn to evaluate their actions and
to understand the consequences of these actions. In self-evaluation,
children analyze the learning task to determine what their teacher
expects and whether they want to put the time and effort necessary into
the task. They also learn to reflect on their self-instructions, feedback,
and attentiveness. When they think about the consequences of their
actions, they may ask themselves important questions (e.g., “What will
happen if I do not study my 25 spelling words instead of playing this
video game?”), and come to understand that if they fail to study, they
may very well fail the spelling test tomorrow.
Children also can provide their own rewards to motivate themselves
to meet their goals. They also can learn to delay gratification until they
have achieved a goal. For example, Jonna can learn to say to herself, “I
really want to watch that DVD. If I finish 25 minutes of studying for
that spelling test, I will watch a half hour of the movie and then go back
to studying until I know all of the words!” Zimmerman (1989) learned
that the most successful students and adults often use these strategies.

Environmental Strategies

Environmental strategies for self-regulated learning involve the use

of resources and the adaptation of the environment, such as:
•â•¢ seeking information from the library and Internet;
•â•¢ seeking social assistance from peers, teachers, and other adults;
•â•¢ emulating exemplary models;
•â•¢ reviewing records; and
•â•¢ rereading notes, tests, and textbooks.

Structuring the study environment for optimal results also can
help children to become more self-regulated. These strategies include:
•â•¢ selecting or arranging the physical setting;
46 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ isolating, eliminating, or minimizing distractions; and

•â•¢ breaking up study periods and spreading them over time.

How Parents Can Help Children

Develop Self-Regulation

Parents can guide children in becoming more self-regulated by

helping them to acquire specific strategies that enable them to increase
their control over their own behavior and environment. They also can
help by modeling those behaviors at home and discussing how they
learned to pay bills on time, handle responsibilities, and set goals for
personal choices or work decisions.
Researchers believe that selfâ•‚regulation is enhanced when someone
carefully observes and considers his or her own behavior and acts upon
what has been learned, enabling children to learn to decrease nega-
tive behaviors and increase positive behaviors. Selfâ•‚regulated students
learn to ask themselves, “Does this strategy work for me in this situ-
ation?” For example, students who struggle with reading or writing
must learn to allocate much more time to complete their written work
and lengthy reading assignments. In order to help their children learn
better selfâ•‚regulation skills, parents can encourage children to avoid
comparing their performance to peers and to consider carefully their
own goals and the work patterns they use to achieve their goals.
Children should learn that there are different ways to attain goals
and then learn how to select the best way to complete a specific task,
both at home and in school. In many classrooms, teachers assume most
of the responsibility for the learning process and students may begin
to depend on a teacherâ•‚directed approach. It is critical that, at home,
parents encourage and support students to take control of their learning.
You can accomplish this goal by modeling good learning strategies at
home as well as by providing time and a supportive environment for
quiet learning and homework completion.
Professor Harold Stevenson is a developmental psychologist whose
current research includes several crosscultural studies of school achieve-
ment. Stevenson directed a large project investigating and compar-
 Self‑Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students 47

ing the achievement of American, Chinese, and Japanese children.

His work focused on achievement in mathematics and reading. He
has worked for many years to identify characteristics associated with
the high performance of Japanese and Chinese students, who con-
sistently exceed other students in achievement. One fascinating part
of Stevenson’s research explored how parents in these cultures sup-
port the high achievement of their children by having a quiet time
every evening when everyone in the family works and reads together
(Stevenson & Newman, 1986). During this quiet study time, parents
read and do their own work while their children are in the same room
with them so parents are available to help or guide them if necessary.
The parental monitoring of homework and study skills that Stevenson
has found in other cultures might be increasingly necessary for some
students. When I speak to many parents of high-ability students who
underachieve, they tell me that their children “do hours of homework
each night.” When I ask them where they do this homework, they
respond that they do their homework in their own bedroom. When I
ask whether detractors might be present in their children's bedrooms,
they explain that their children have access to computers, instant mes-
senger, telephones, music, and perhaps even television. Children who
have many temptations and distractions may not learn to develop fully
their own unique set of self-regulation skills.
Some academically talented students possess better self-regulated
learning strategies than their peers, while other talented students may
have done very well in school without using good self-regulation strate-
gies because of a combination of their high abilities and an unchalleng-
ing curriculum. If learning is relatively easy for someone, less effort,
organization, and other self-regulated activities are expended. Some
social conditions or personal issues may prevent students from devel-
oping self-regulated learning strategies or from using them regularly.
They may need to be helped and encouraged to do so. Some gifted and
talented students display perfectionism and need to learn to strive for
their personal best effort rather than perfection. Some talented students
with high potential may find it difficult to learn self-regulation when
it is not taught, modeled, or rewarded by the adults in their home and
family. Even if students interact regularly with adults who demonstrate
48 parenting gifted children

self-regulation, they may fail to use these skills themselves due to peer
pressure, or refuse to use the strategies their parents or teachers regu-
larly employ at home or school.
Compared with low-achieving students, high achievers set more
specific learning goals, use a variety of learning strategies, self-monitor
more often, and adapt their efforts more systematically. The quality and
quantity of selfâ•‚regulation processes is crucial. We must recognize that
one self-regulation strategy will not work for all students, and that the
use of only a few strategies will not work optimally for a person on every
task. It is important that students learn to use multiple self-regulatory
learning skills rather than single strategies. They also must learn that
their goals and their choice of self-regulation strategies have to be
continually adjusted. Parents should help students focus on understand-
ing the material and on persisting when they are challenged. This is
especially critical for talented students who have seldom experienced
high levels of challenge, as illustrated in the following scenario:

Jamie’s an eighth-grade student who was identified in first

grade as academically talented. She read at the seventh grade
level by the time she finished second grade and consistently
scored at the 99th percentile on all areas on standardized
achievement tests. Jamie did not like math and coasted through
her school district’s math curriculum from first through sev-
enth grade, doing minimal homework and getting top grades.
Because of these high scores on achievement tests and previous
grades, she was recommended for an advanced algebra class in
eighth grade and encountered, for her first time in school, some
challenge in mathematics. She struggled with a few concepts
and began to tell her parents that they had erred in their assess-
ment that she was smart. Jamie gave up almost immediately
whenever she encountered a homework problem she could not
solve while doing homework and told her parents she would
ask the teacher the next day for help. She continued to do her
homework each evening, completing only the problems that
she could easily master. On the harder problems, she either
sought help from her friends and teachers if she could not
 Self‑Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students 49

quickly and correctly solve a problem. The answers to prob-

lems were in the back of the book so that after a few minutes
of work, if she could not solve the problem, she often looked
it up in the back of the book but failed to learn how to solve
the problem. She failed a couple of tests, became convinced
she was terrible at math, and considered dropping out of the
algebra class. How could Jamie gain the self-regulation skills
she needed to succeed in a more challenging class?
Jamie’s parents worked with her to help her develop self-
regulation. With patience, they encouraged her to do her math
homework on the dining room table each evening. Using
humor, they encouraged her to increase the time she spent
trying to solve more challenging algebra problems. They also
suggested she think about how she could control her temper
if she could not easily solve a difficult problem. They discussed
the challenges of hard work and the role of effort in their
own work. They encouraged her to think about what strate-
gies worked for her and to consider how she could modify her
study strategies by thinking about her own successes. Over
the course of a few months, Jamie learned to spend more time
on algebra, to carefully consider how she could become more
successful to discuss problems with her friends, and to try dif-
ferent approaches. By the end of eighth grade, she had become
a very successful student in algebra and had mastered a number
of the self-regulation strategies. She was much better prepared
for the challenging honors and Advanced Placement classes
that she would encounter the next year.

Self-regulation enables children to develop and learn constructive

behaviors that affect one’s learning. These behaviors are planned and
adapted to support the pursuit of personal goals in changing learning
environments. Learners with high levels of self-regulation have good
control over how they attain their goals. Conscious self-regulation
requires a student to focus on the process of how to acquire these skills.
Many researchers agree with the importance of self-regulated learning
for students at all academic levels and the principle that self-regulation
50 parenting gifted children

can be taught, learned, and controlled. In fact, in Zimmerman’s (1989)

studies, successful students reported that the use of self-regulated learn-
ing strategies was directly tied to their success in school.

Phases of Self-Regulation

Acquiring self-regulation skills seems to proceed through three

phases evolving over time.

Phase 1: Forethought

This phase precedes the actual performance, sets the stage for action,
maps out the tasks to minimize the unknown, and helps to develop
a positive mindset. Realistic expectations can make the task more
appealing. Goals must be considered as specific outcomes, arranged
in order from short term (tomorrow and this week) to long term (next
month and next year). As children begin to receive more homework
assignments, parents can ask them to consider the following questions:
•â•¢ When will I start this work?
•â•¢ Where will I do the work?
•â•¢ How will I get started?

Students have to consider what conditions will help or hinder their
learning activities as part of this phase. For example, Jamie’s parents
needed to help her to think about her algebra homework and reflect on
what she could do to be more successful. They helped her to consider
whether there was a better time or place to do her homework and
whether it would help her to begin it in school with her friends who are
successful in algebra. They helped her to try to spend at least 5 minutes
on a problem before giving up and moving on and encouraged her to
have a friend, either in person or on the phone, who would be avail-
able to talk about some of the steps used to solve the algebra problems.
 Self‑Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students 51

Phase 2: Performance Control

This phase involves processes during learning and the active attempt
to use specific strategies to help a student become more successful.
Parents can ask their children to consider the following questions:
•â•¢ Am I accomplishing what I hoped to do?
•â•¢ Am I being distracted?
•â•¢ Is this taking more time than I thought?
•â•¢ Under what conditions am I able to accomplish the most?
•â•¢ What questions can I ask myself while I am working?
•â•¢ How can I encourage myself to keep working (including self-
talk, such as, “Come on, get your work done, so you can watch
that television show or read your magazine!”)?

Jamie, for example, had to consider her performance in math as
opposed to other content areas. When frustration increased, she had
to consider whether she should stop and take a break. She had to think
about whether she should do her math homework first in the afternoon,
rather than putting it off until later in the evening. Should she have
background music or work in silence? She also used and considered the
success of some of the strategies she thought about in Phase 1.

Phase 3: Self-Reflection

This phase involves reflection after the performance, a self-eval-

uation of outcomes compared to goals. Parents can ask their children
to consider the following:
•â•¢ Did I accomplish what I planned to do when I studied for my
math test?
•â•¢ Did I become distracted and if so, how did I get back to work?
•â•¢ Did I plan enough time or did I need more time than I thought?
•â•¢ Under what conditions did I accomplish the most work?
•â•¢ If I was successful in my homework or in tests, I might ask
myself, “What did I do differently to make it work this time?”
•â•¢ Did a change in time or in my work habits help me solve more
algebra problems?
52 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Did calling a friend who was doing algebra homework at the
same time make a difference?
•â•¢ Did using self-talk to praise myself during this time have a
positive impact (“All right, I did it! I solved that problem!”)?

Summary

The development of good self-regulation usually involves self-

observation or monitoring one’s performance and keeping records. It
involves helping children gain self-judgment or compare performance
with a standard or goal that may involve re-examining answers and
checking procedures. It also involves self-reaction with goal-setting,
self-administered praise or criticism, rehearsing, memorizing, struc-
turing the environment (e.g., changing the academic setting or the
environment or creating a study area), and asking for help. Guiding
your children in acquiring these strategies can successfully increase
their self-regulation and enhance academic achievement.

Resource

Reis, S. M., & McCoach, D. B. (2000). The underachievement of gifted

students: What do we know and where do we go? Gifted Child Quarterly,
44, 152–170.

References

Stevenson, H. W., & Newman, R. S. (1986). Long-term prediction of achieve-

ment and attitudes in mathematics and reading. Child Development, 57,
646–659.
Zimmerman, B. J. (1989). A social cognitive view of selfâ•‚regulated academic
learning. Journal Of Educational Psychology, 81, 329–339.
 Chapter 6
What Do You Know About
Learning Style? A Guide for
Parents of Gifted Children
by Rita Dunn, Karen Burke, and Janet Whitely

M
ark does homework curled against pillows and cushions
he places on his bedroom floor. Before he opens a book,
he ties a bandana around the shade of his desk lamp, turns
on his wrap-around music system, and surrounds himself
with snacks. Mark intermittently takes breaks to telephone a class-
mate or watch a sports event on television for 10–15 minutes before he
returns to studying. If you were Mark’s parent, would you be concerned
about this homework pattern?
Most parents think that their offspring will learn as they do! That
only happens half the time; our studies suggest that the first two sib-
lings in many families learn differently, and often in diametrically
opposite ways. How people learn is called their learning style. Everyone
has a learning style but, in the same family, spouses often tend to learn
differently from each other, and each of their children’s styles differ
from each other and from one of their parents’ styles.
There is no good or bad learning style; each enables that person
to learn. However, many parents and teachers do not understand and,
therefore, do not acknowledge children’s diverse learning patterns.
When those adults disparage how certain children try to learn, they
inadvertently encourage those youngsters to study in the wrong way (for
the youngster). This scenario is particularly accurate for many talented

53
54 parenting gifted children

youngsters whose learning style preferences also differ from those of

other learners.

What Is Learning Style?

We define learning styles as the different ways in which an indi-

vidual begins to concentrate, process, internalize, and remember new
and difficult academic knowledge. Many children understand and
master basic ideas and information without using their unique learn-
ing styles. But even adults do not learn new and complex knowledge
without capitalizing on their styles. When people use, rather than
ignore their natural styles, they learn more, more quickly, and with less
frustration than they do when trying to use someone else’s style. That
is why using your learning style is similar to playing to your strengths.

How the Environment Affects Learning

Relatively few parents tell their children about learning styles; fewer
teach them how to use their learning-style strengths. Those learning-
style strengths are affected by where learning takes place. Thus, some
very talented children need to learn in an environment that is very dif-
ferent from where other children need to learn. While concentrating,
some learners require:
•â•¢ Quiet, whereas others need sound (e.g., music, voices, waves
crashing, or birds singing). The latter individuals may actually
hum or talk to themselves to create a sound-packed environ-
ment that allows them to “think”;
•â•¢ Bright light, whereas others need diffused or soft illumination.
Some people wear caps with visors or sunglasses inside their
homes; those items allow them to “relax” while learning;
•â•¢ Warmth; others literally think better in cool temperatures; and
•â•¢ Formal seating, such as a desk and wooden, plastic, or steel
chair; others learn better when relaxed in an easy chair or on
a bed or carpeting.
 What Do You Know About Learning Style? 55

How Physiology Affects Learning

Children’s physical beings affect how they learn and are part of
their learning style. Thus, some must:
•â•¢ Concentrate in the early or late morning, whereas others do not
“come alive” until afternoon; some are foggy all day and first
become energized at night. See Figure 6.2 to identify when,
during a 24-hour period, you, your spouse, and each of your
children have energy highs, concentrate best and, therefore,
should study;
•â•¢ Eat or drink while they are concentrating; others only can
nibble or snack after studying when they relax;
•â•¢ Move about from one part of the environment (at home or in
the classroom) to another or they lose a lot of their ability to
focus; others do not need to move about;
•â•¢ Hear information to make sense of it, whereas others must see
or visualize it; and
•â•¢ Some of our research also suggests that as many as 15%–20%
of extremely able children engage in complex reasoning when
their bodies are in motion. Such highly alert and energetic
youngsters rarely sit still. Another 15%–20% seem to need
to have their hands actively involved while their brains are
working.

How Processing Affects Learning

One important dimension of learning style involves determining

whether a child thinks more analytically or more globally. Analytic
thinkers begin to process information or work in a step-by-step sequence.
They keep at a task until they have learned what they need or want to, or
have accomplished what they set out to do. Global thinkers, on the other
hand, begin to process information by thinking of everything related to
what they need or want to learn. They do take many breaks but, eventu-
ally, focus on the most salient points and get the task done.
56 parenting gifted children

Directions: Answer TRUE or FALSE to each of the following questions, including

all of the parts of Question # 15. If your answer is, “It depends,” leave the
space blank.

TRUE FALSE
1. I usually hate to get up in the morning! _____ _____
2. I usually am wide awake at night! _____ _____
3. I wish I could sleep late each morning! _____ _____
4. I stay awake for a long time after I go to bed. _____ _____
5. I only feel wide awake after 10:00 a.m. _____ _____
6. If I stay up very late at night, I get too sleepy to _____ _____
remember anything.
7. I usually feel “low” after lunch. _____ _____
8. When I have to do a task that requires concentration, I _____ _____
get up early in the morning.
9. When I can, I do most concentration-requiring tasks in _____ _____
the afternoon.
10. I usually begin the tasks that require the most _____ _____
concentration after dinner.
11. I could stay up all night! _____ _____
12. I wish I didn’t have to go to work before noon! _____ _____
13. I wish I could stay home during the day and go to _____ _____
work at night.
14. I like going to work in the morning! _____ _____
15. I remember things best when I concentrate on them:
a. in the morning b. at lunchtime c. in the afternoon
d. before dinner e. after dinner f. late at night

Figure 6.2. Questionnaire on time-of-day preferences.

Both types of processing—analytic and global—are good, but the

children who have one style, as opposed to the other, learn very differ-
ently from each other (see Figure 6.3).
Figure 6.3 indicates a few ways that you can tell if anyone in your
family is more analytic than global or vice versa. Anyone with three or
more characteristics in one column tends to reflect that processing style.
 What Do You Know About Learning Style? 57

Analytic Processors Learn Best With: Global Processors Learn Best With:
Quiet Sound (music or voices)
Bright illumination Soft illumination
Formal seating Informal seating
Snacking when relaxed Snacking while concentrating
Persistent on-task behavior Frequent breaks
Working with others (when beginning
a task)

Figure 6.3. Determining analytic and global processors.

Four characteristics in the same column indicate a strongly analytic or

global learner, and five in the same column suggest that a person has
a very strong need to learn that way—strong enough that learning in
other ways is likely to be extremely difficult. Mixed characteristics
(fewer than three or many in one column but a couple in both) usually
describe an integrated processor—someone who learns in both ways
but only when he or she is interested in what is being learned.

How Emotions Affect Learning

For many, motivation is strongly linked to how well they achieve.

Many gifted children enjoy learning new and difficult material; it
makes them feel accomplished. Other children strive for good grades
because they want their teachers’, parents’, or friends’ approval. That
is not negative; whatever works is good!
When children are interested in what they are learning, they
become increasingly motivated. Obviously, the reverse is true too. That
is why motivation changes day-to-day, teacher-to-teacher, and class-
to-class. The relationship between interest and motivation is crucial
for talented youngsters who often spend hours, days, weeks, or years
deeply involved in what absorbs them. Indeed, that sustained interest
over time is an essential factor in giftedness and talent development
in young people.
58 parenting gifted children

Persistence refers to each child’s ability to stay with a task until

it is accomplished, whereas responsibility is more closely related to
some children’s emotional need to do what others have told them they
should. Some youngsters enjoy doing the opposite of what they should
do and are called nonconforming. These children rarely respond well to
authoritative adults. If you have a nonconforming child in your family,
(a) speak collegially (as if to a respected friend), (b) explain why the
action or behavior you want from the youngster is important to you,
and (c) give the youngster choices for how to do what you want done.
Children also differ in their need for structure. Some want a great
deal of direction and feel best when they know what is required and
how to proceed. Such youngsters appreciate specific directions and
models to follow.
Conversely, children who prefer less structure enjoy doing things
their way. Such individuals want to know what has to be done, but want
to do it their way. These children often are extremely creative; they enjoy
options and like stretching their minds and using their innate abilities.

How Social Choices Affect Learning

Some children learn best when they are able to work and inter-
act with other children. Interaction stimulates and motivates them.
Working together develops some social skills. Other students—often
the brightest and most analytic—learn best by themselves. Once they
have mastered the content, they often can work with others but really
prefer working alone. Whenever you urge your children to play or work
with others, remember that most gifted and talented youngsters prefer
concentrating either alone or with an authority figure.

Do Gifted or Talented Children Learn

Differently From Others?

Children’s learning styles differ when they are high- versus low-
academic achievers. Although gifted youngsters learn differently from
 What Do You Know About Learning Style? 59

each other, and underachievers have differing learning-style patterns,

gifted and underachieving students have significantly different learning
styles and often do not perform well with the same methods.
Interestingly, when we studied gifted adolescents in nine diverse
cultures, the students with talents in athletics, art, dance, leadership,
literature, mathematics, or music evidenced essentially similar learning-
style characteristics to other learners (in different cultures) who shared
a common talent area. That is, talented dancers or talented musicians in
any one culture tended to have similar learning-style strengths to those of
students with similar talents in the other cultures. Students with similar
talents from different cultures had greater similarity of learning-style
preferences than did differently talented students from the same culture.
Our research also suggests that there are several common patterns
of learning-style differences between boys and girls. Boys, more than
girls, tend to be kinesthetic and tactual, needing an informal design and
the freedom to move around when concentrating on academic studies.
Their third modality strength, if one is evident, often is visual. As a
group, boys tend to learn less by listening, and they are more noncon-
forming and peer motivated than girls. Girls, more than boys, learn
by listening, and they often are more conforming, authority-oriented,
and better able to sit passively at conventional desks and chairs. Girls
also tend to need significantly more quiet while learning. Despite these
facts, all girls and all boys do not behave identically. But that the two
groups have different learning-style strengths is evident.
Learning styles often change as children move from elementary
to middle school and between middle school and high school. They
continue to change in college and during adulthood, and the styles
of older adults in the 65–85-year-old range differ in many ways from
those of younger people. Nevertheless, individuals change in unique
ways. Some people hardly change at all, and others change more than
once as they mature.

Sociological Preferences

Preferences for learning (a) alone, (b) with peers, (c) with an
authoritative versus a collegial teacher, and (d) with routines and pat-
60 parenting gifted children

terns, as opposed to in a variety of social groupings, develop over time,

change with age and maturity, and are developmental. Young chil-
dren tend to enter the primary grades highly parent-, teacher-, and/or
adult-motivated. Many become peer motivated by fifth or sixth grade
and remain that way until approximately ninth grade when they often
become self-motivated. High-ability children tend to become self-
motivated early, frequently by first or second grade, and rarely experi-
ence a peer-motivated stage. Underachievers become peer motivated
earlier than average students and tend to remain that way longer—often
well past adolescence.

Emotional Preferences

Motivation, responsibility (conformity versus nonconformity), and

the need for internal versus external structure are perceived as develop-
mental. Motivation fluctuates day-to-day, class-to-class, and teacher-
to-teacher. Many people experience several stages of nonconformity,
which correlate with high and low “responsibility” levels. The first
period of nonconformity occurs for many between the second and third
years of life. In the United States, that period euphemistically is called
“the terrible twos” and coincides with children beginning the pattern
of saying, “No!” For most children, that stage lasts for less than a year.
The second period of nonconformity often begins at about 6th grade
and tends to last until 9th or 10th grade for many average children.
Underachievers and some gifted students often remain nonconforming
until well past high school; others into adulthood.

Perceptual Preferences

Young children tend to understand best the things they can touch,
play with, or handle. We call that tactual learning. By the time they
enter school, tactual learners can remember three quarters of the infor-
mation they write about or draw. Kinesthetic learners understand and
remember best information they experience actively. Kinesthetic pre-
schoolers learn from doing things. When they are older simulations,
 What Do You Know About Learning Style? 61

pantomime, performing (as in a play, chorus, or band), or interning

permit these students to absorb complex information.
Data from our research indicate that less than 12% of elementary
school children are auditory. Few children (or adults) are likely to
remember at least 75% of the academic information they hear during
a 30–40 minute period. In addition, we have found that less than 40%
of students are visual learners. Few children (or adults) can remember
at least 75% of what they read during a 30–40 minute interval.
The older children become, the more their auditory and visual
modalities develop. However, many adult males are neither auditory
nor visual learners; some remain essentially tactual or kinesthetic all
their lives. Poorly achieving students in traditional schools tend to be
only tactual and/or kinesthetic. However, when taught with tactual or
kinesthetic approaches or resources—rather than with lectures or read-
ings—these children perform well. When taught the way they learn,
these youngsters achieve significantly higher scores on tests and enjoy
school more than when they are taught traditionally. We believe, then,
that perceptual preferences are very important to effective learning for
students at all ability levels, and for those who are not doing well in
school, as well as for helping successful students be their best.

How Parents Can Use This Learning-Style Information

High-ability children can be either analytic or global learners. If

they learn analytically, they easily conform to the behaviors required
by traditional teachers because they naturally learn that way. On the
other hand, global children have a more difficult task conforming in
conventional schools because those requirements are so at odds with
the natural ways in which they learn. Global learners naturally:
•â•¢ hum to themselves to provide the sound they crave while
concentrating;
•â•¢ seem to be hyperactive and tense in brightly lit rooms;
•â•¢ can’t sit in regular classroom furniture for more than 10–15
minutes without sprawling, extending their feet into the aisle,
and/or moving; and
62 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ snack, whisper, crouch, and lose interest in analytic teaching.

If children cannot remember three-quarters of what they hear, they may
listen to the teacher, but not retain it. If they learn by seeing, listening
does not help. If they learn through pictures and drawings (as many
young global children do), reading printed matter will not entice them.
If they are tactual learns, they tap their desks, touch items, play with
whatever gets into their hands, and write poorly. If they learn kines-
thetically, while actively engaged in doing, their teachers perceive them
as being hyperactive, restless, and often unable or not ready to learn.
If children are not morning learners, teachers may think their par-
ents allowed them to remain up until well past their bedtime. If they
happen to be evening learners, children probably have been admonished
to “go to bed” just when they are experiencing their energy high.

At School

Consider the following tips:

•â•¢ Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that because your chil-
dren may be doing well in school, there is no need to urge
their teachers to identify and respond to their learning-style
strengths. Many gifted children become bored or irritated in
school precisely because they are required to follow the same
rules in the same way and in the same amount of time as every-
one else. Teachers tend to say that it is fair to treat everyone in
the same way! Instead of being fair, it is being arbitrary, capri-
cious, and unfair to require that children who think creatively,
faster, and more divergently than their peers must:
‚‡ sit and wait until everyone else has finished the class
assignment;
‚‡ help slower children who take longer than everyone else; or
‚‡ work at the academic level of the average child in the class
instead of competing with their equally talented or gifted
peers.

 What Do You Know About Learning Style? 63

•â•¢ Praise children for doing well in whatever it is they do well.

Each child has unique talents and no one is talented in every
area. Encourage children to excel in whatever it is that inter-
ests them.
•â•¢ It is important to make your child’s teacher aware of his or her
learning style.
•â•¢ It always is important to make children aware of their styles—
and why they feel uncomfortable when they are not permitted
to learn their way.
•â•¢ Obtain “Homework Prescriptions” that describe how your
children should study through their individual learning-
style strengths. Anticipate that each child in your family will
receive suggestions that differ from those given to their siblings.
Guidelines based on learning-style strengths make studying
easier and more enjoyable than the usual study skills suggested
for everyone.
•â•¢ If your child is experiencing school-related problems, learn
as much as you can about learning styles before making any
judgments about causes or responses.

At Home

Provide the kind of study environment in which each child func-

tions best. They need to feel confident that you understand and appre-
ciate their learning-style patterns. They also need to recognize that
everyone needs to learn. Don’t permit one person’s working and learn-
ing preferences and styles to interfere with another family member’s.
Help them to find alternative ways of working in which their styles do
not distract others.
•â•¢ Don’t force your gifted child either to play or work with others
just because they are the same age. High-ability children very
often think differently and quickly become bored or irritated
by the pedantic thinking of less-able children of the same age.
•â•¢ Children need to find a place in their environment—both at
home and at school—in which to feel comfortable. Develop
64 parenting gifted children

your child’s awareness of sound, light, temperature, and seat-

ing preferences and help to identify what is best in different
situations.
•â•¢ After taking learning-style characteristics into account, deter-
mine whether your child learns best alone, in a pair, as part of
a team, with adults, or in any combination of these. Whatever
the preference, adopt it for at least a short period of time to
determine whether your child actually performs best that way.
•â•¢ Do not be concerned with the amount of time it takes children
to do homework. They may move faster in the wrong style, but
they will remember what they study better and longer in their
right style.
•â•¢ Almost two fifths of learning style seems to develop over time
and gradually changes as children age and mature. Test for
learning style any youngster who may not be performing well
in school to know how to help him or her. Everyone can learn;
however, half the population learns differently from the other
half.

Back to Mark. Now that you know a little about learning styles,
you understand that he prefers informal seating, low light, music, and
snacks while learning. He also takes breaks, but does finish his home-
work. Undoubtedly, Mark is global. If his grades are good, his parents
have no need for concern. If his grades are not good, they ought to
have him tested for learning style and then encourage him to follow
the suggested guidelines for doing homework.

Authors’ Note

Parents and teachers interested in learning more about learning

styles can visit the following website: http://www.learningstyles.net.
Information and downloadable brochures are available from this site.
 Chapter 7
The Importance of Being
Early: A Case for Preschool
Enrichment
by Ken W. McCluskey

I
n my past life as a school psychologist, I would now and again
encounter some very young children who could do amazing things.
For example, one day when assessing a 4-year-old boy for an early
entrance to a kindergarten program in our district, I received a
request from another clinician to use my office for a group meeting.
I moved with the youngster into our audiologist’s room. Imagine my
surprise when the little fellow, observing and reading from a piece of
equipment, asked: “Impedance audiometer. What’s that?” I didn’t know
the answer, but I knew I had come face-to-face with something special.
A 4-year-old girl being considered for the same program produced
a startling signed self-portrait, complete with detailed hair, eyebrows,
fingers, and high-heeled shoes. A kindergarten boy answered all of
the items on one segment of a popular IQ test—he knew that silica is
the main material used to make glass, Darwin proposed the theory of
evolution, and that turpentine is made from the sap of fir trees. And
a 9-year-old girl I was working with on a project wrote:

What is life? Does it end at death or begin anew for eternity?

Eternal life is a tantalizing thought, but maybe an unrealistic
one. Is death to be feared or welcomed? . . . My mother says
I’m not to worry my pretty little head about such things . . . but
these ever-intruding thoughts cannot be willed away.

65
66 parenting gifted children

Rather powerful stuff!

Now changes in my own life are causing me to revisit my interest
in early years enrichment. As I write this piece, I’m about to become a
grandparent for the fourth time. It’s a grandparent’s prerogative to think
that all of his grandkids are talented, and I do. Kristjana, an early reader,
is a sensitive, altruistic, highly verbal girl whose joy in life is to go on
“dates” with her doting grandpa. Kail, a truly warm and cuddly baby, has
learned to walk quite early and also demonstrated a superior set of lungs.
Here, however, I will focus on 2-year-old Hunter. She reached
and rushed through certain developmental milestones at a rate that
caused my wife and I to take notice. In a postbirth reunion of mothers
from a prenatal class, nine moms reconvened with their infants for a
celebration and photo opportunity of the babies. Only Hunter could
sit by herself, so the shot was taken with her in the middle and all the
others leaning inward. By 8 months, she was taking tentative steps; by
9 months, she was running and climbing in stable fashion; and by a
year, she could—in her reckless, devil-may-care style—climb up and
descend a playground slide on her own. Before turning 2, she had no
hesitation in jumping into a pool and trying to swim. Language and
concept development were equally rapid. At 18 months, Hunter—who
had learned to hit the redial button—put in a call for help. The phone
conversation went like this:

“Papa!” (that would be me)

“Hi Hunter. How are you doing?”
“Papa loves Hunter!”
“Of course I do, but why are you phoning me?”
“Daddy angry Hunter.”
“Why is Daddy mad at Hunter?”
“Hunter color walls!”

Two months later, our daughter took Hunter to the pediatrician

and bragged that her offspring could now recite the ABCs and count
to 20. The doctor was skeptical. Hunter demonstrated flawlessly. Taken
aback, the good doctor noted that this situation was “highly unusual.”
At a wedding shower shortly thereafter, uninhibited Hunter grabbed
 A Case for Preschool Enrichment 67

the microphone and entertained guests with alphabet recitation and a

unique rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star (the words were right,
but the tonal quality left something to be desired). At 21/2, Hunter
surprised us as we were driving on a bridge over our city’s railway yard
by commenting, “I’m on a bridge and there’s no water beneath me.”
As Piaget himself noted, many preschoolers have difficulty under-
standing that their grandmothers are their parent’s mothers. Not Hunter.
When my wife Andrea phoned one day, Hunter grabbed the phone
and asked demandingly, “Who’s this?” My wife naturally answered
“Grandma.” Hunter queried, “Andrea?” She laughed and said, “Don’t
call me Andrea!” Hunter’s response: “How’s Ken?” She knows the first
names of all of the grandparents (and surviving great-grandparents), and
knows who is “mommy’s mommy,” “daddy’s daddy,” and so forth.
There is a downside. Unlike our other grandchildren, Hunter can
be downright recalcitrant and defiant. She is extremely overactive and
impulsive. With sponge-like curiosity, she gets into everything, scur-
ries tirelessly from hither to yon, and enjoys pushing the envelope
to the limit. Recently, when her mother was caring for her year-old
niece, Hunter became resentful about sharing attention with her cousin.
Taking matters into her own hands, she slipped out to the porch, met
the mailman, and asked him to take her cousin away in his bag! Right
now, knowing that she’s waiting at our home for her weekly “sleepover,”
I find myself—at the end of a long day—preferring to stay at the office
writing about her rather than actually going home and having to deal
with her endearing, but incredibly wearing, antics.
Naturally, faced with this talent and the concomitant challenges,
my wife and I began to wonder how to respond. Would it be a mistake
to “push” our granddaughter too early? Many teachers, believing that we
should not destroy the joy of childhood by putting on too much pressure
too early, favor the “let-the-children-be-children” approach. Adherents of
this school of thought use David Elkind’s work on The Hurried Child to
illustrate that damage can result if we push little ones too soon. However,
recognizing that it is generally best to base decisions upon fact rather
than myth, we searched and discovered that Elkind was never opposed
to moving high-ability students ahead on the basis of their achievement
and skill level. Indeed, he supported early school entry and grade accel-
68 parenting gifted children

eration for certain talented children. Many others agree. For example,
John Feldhusen observed that talented children are typically accelerated
as quickly as possible in sports, music, and the arts. Would it have been
“best practice” to insist that Tiger Woods, during his early childhood, be
allowed to attempt only age-appropriate golf shots? Yet, in school, high-
ability children frequently are trapped in a lockstep, grade-to-grade system.
Perhaps educators ought to be thinking seriously about designing
more flexible schools. Certainly, research suggests that acceleration
and early admission can be healthy for many individuals. Long-term
studies of large numbers of children have found that early starters
are, in general, stronger academically in the elementary grades, and
that this superiority continues in high school. Many reviews of the
research conclude that, in terms of both academic achievement and
social adjustment, early entrants and accelerated students perform well
compared to their classmates. Interestingly, in several studies, there
are signs that behavior problems surface if high-ability children are
not allowed to proceed at a faster pace. This observation adds an oft-
neglected dimension to the debate, suggesting as it does that the social
risks may actually be greater for talented students who are compelled
to “march in place” than for those who are fast-tracked. Tiger Woods,
for one, looks happy with his golf record to me.
What happens early in a child’s life makes a tremendous difference.
For one thing, during the first 2 years there is rapid growth accom-
panied by major changes in structure and functioning of the human
brain itself. And there is compelling evidence to suggest that, in the
early years, the physical development of the brain is more than simply
“preprogrammed unfolding.” It is, in fact, also tied to the type and qual-
ity of early experience. Early environmental enrichment can make a
very real difference to learning ability throughout life. From laboratory
research with animals, we know that the brains of rats allowed to climb,
sniff, and explore objects are, in general, larger than those of animals
denied such opportunities. Isolation and experiential impoverishment
tend to retard neurological growth. Environmental stimulation has a
direct effect on the physical properties of animals’ brains, including the
number of synaptic or physical connections between neurons.
 A Case for Preschool Enrichment 69

Burton White, a proponent of the early experience view, suggested

that the first 3 years are crucial in human cognitive and emotional
growth in his 1995 book, The New First Three Years of Life. He asserted
that the critical period may well come in the 8- to 18-month range.
According to White, it is important to ensure that children have stimu-
lating toys and materials in the home. Another key is the quality of
environmental interaction, in particular between mother and child.
The capable mother, in his view, provides encouragement, support, and
stimulation, without becoming smothering or unnecessarily intrusive.
Most of us, quite rightly accepting that lifelong learning is a laud-
able and possible objective, continue to acquire new knowledge and
skills as we age. However, a very powerful case also can be made for
the importance of early years’ stimulation. More and more, it looks
like the earlier, the better. Learning may well come easier later in life
if a solid foundation has been laid through environmental enrichment
in the beginning. The U.S. federal government recognized the need
for early intervention in 1964 and responded by introducing the Head
Start program to help prepare disadvantaged children for school entry.
Designed to provide opportunities and services to preschoolers from
low-income, at-risk families, it focused on early education, physical and
mental health services, nutrition awareness, child and family social ser-
vices, and parental involvement. Since its inception, millions of children
have been served through this initiative. More recent federal programs,
such as Early Start and the Head Start Transition Project, also have
been developed to provide young at-risk children, under 3 years of age,
with enriching environmental experiences and opportunities.
It is true that research concerning the long-term impact of Head
Start has been equivocal in many respects. For one thing, a “fade-out
effect” has been found, where, after registering immediate gains on intel-
ligence and achievement tests, children later fell back. However, part of
the problem here might be the unfortunate tendency of investigators to
assume that IQ scores are the primary indicator of success (a dubious
assumption to say the least), or to compare Head Start children to those
from more advantaged backgrounds. Thorough reviews of several pro-
grams suggest that environmental enrichment has had both immediate
and long-range benefits. When “graduates” of Head Start and similar
70 parenting gifted children

projects were followed over several years, their academic achievement in

elementary school showed marked improvement. Long-term behavioral
and social adjustment gains also were found. In adolescence and beyond,
there are indications that early intervention programs contributed to
higher high school completion rates and higher rates of employment
after graduation. Reductions in delinquency, teenage pregnancy, and
adult dependence on social assistance also were noted.
In light of all of this information, what are parents (and grandpar-
ents) to do? My wife and I decided it would be a serious mistake simply
to “leave well enough alone.” Rather, we intend to get actively involved
and help “stretch” (a better word than “push”) and challenge Hunter to
develop her talents. For parents and educators who share our interest
in enrichment in the early years, here are a few specific suggestions.

1. Look For Talent Strengths Early

As children grow, it is important, as Grover Young and others

emphasize, to become “talent spotters,” to be aware of developmental
milestones, to be watchful of a child’s progress, and to be responsive
to emerging gifts. We need to appreciate a wide range of abilities, and
to look for and nurture the strengths in all of our children. Sometimes,
to identify talent, it is necessary to step back, change one’s perspective,
and reframe reality. Stubbornness in early childhood may be setting the
stage for the later development of perseverance, seeking and monopoliz-
ing attention may grow into leadership, and unfocused daydreaming
may evolve into creative invention.

2. Encourage Infants and Toddlers

to Explore, Play, and Learn

Provide an enriching early environment through plenty of contact

and cuddling, singing and music, pictures and mobiles, and age-appro-
priate (not necessarily expensive) toys. Talk! talk! talk!, so that children
are immersed in language (and not constant “baby talk”). Celebrate
 A Case for Preschool Enrichment 71

successes—clap hands and create excitement about your youngster’s

accomplishments. However, do not overdo it and “flood” children;
there also is a time and place for peace, solitude, and independent play
and reflection. To use a sports analogy, a good quarterback doesn’t
always throw the ball to the receivers with as much speed and power
as possible. Sometimes he does need to get the ball to the receiver
very quickly (“firing a bullet”), but on other occasions a gentle, hang-
ing floater might be much more effective and might even be essential.
Similarly, although an abundance of stimulation is a plus, enrichment
isn’t unrestrained bombardment; judgment and balance are needed.
With infants, it often is a good idea to carry them facing forward,
so they can view the world more easily. We go for family breakfasts with
our grandkids in a local hotel. After the meal, grandpa is charged with
taking each child for a walk to visit the game room, wander through
boutiques, look at paintings in the hallways, ride up and down the
elevator, and peer out of windows on the different floors. With the
forward-facing babies, I always make a point of chattering continuously
in a soothing manner. One might not think that infants would care
for discussions about the wax candles in the shops, the relative merits
of two paintings, the weather, or the cars in the parking lot, but they
soak it up. All the while, I encourage them to look, touch (one never
knows what button they’ll hit in the elevator), babble, and take turns.

3. Let Young Children, For a While at Least,

Be the Center of the Family Universe

Researcher Urie Bronfenbrenner observed that every child needs at

least one adult who is “irrationally crazy” about her or him. For a time,
it can be desirable for the child to be the main focus of our attention.
In their book, Starting Out Right, Nancy Leffert, Peter Benson, and
Jolene Roehlkepartain noted that, for healthy mental and emotional
growth to take place, children require some specific developmental
assets. For infants and toddlers, these include support (e.g., high lev-
els of affection, positive family communication, and an encouraging
climate), constructive use of time (e.g., exposure to creative activities
72 parenting gifted children

at home and elsewhere), and empowerment (e.g., valuing, protecting,

and involving children; placing them at the center of family life).

4. Give Young Children the Most Important

Gift We Have to Give, Time!

Educators often make a mistake here. All too frequently, they come
home after a frenetic day working with children, and they just don’t
want to see another kid. Yet their own await. In today’s fast-paced
world, too many adults, virtually consumed by their jobs, rationalize
neglect by saying that they enjoy “quality time” with their young chil-
dren. What this usually means is that they’re simply not giving enough
time. A great deal is lost by parents who mistakenly think they can
“make it up” to their kids later. If you find you’re not providing enough
enrichment during your children’s early years, change your priorities.
Setting aside a “family night” might be one good place to start. For a
decade and a half, we spent each Friday together as a family, with the
children picking the evening’s entertainment. (I still bitterly resent
the fact that I had to sit through both of the Care Bear movies.) It isn’t
always easy finding the time, but find it nonetheless.

5. Teach Responsibility

Although it is natural to want to do almost everything for little chil-

dren, preschoolers are quite capable of managing simple tasks around
the home, helping out with younger siblings, and making choices. To
be allowed to help others teaches valuable lessons about altruism and
compassion, lessons we want talented young children to learn. During
family trips, preschoolers can become cartographers, showing us where
we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going. At weddings (we do
take even young children to such events in our family), children learn
the meaning of kinship, giving, celebration, and, if properly guided,
acceptable behavior. Parents, of course, must set the limits. As Haim
Ginott noted, it often might be a mistake to expect a 4-year-old girl to
 A Case for Preschool Enrichment 73

pick out her own clothes, but she can learn something about respon-
sibility and decision making by selecting from among three outfits
deemed suitable by mom and/or dad.

6. Model Appropriate Behavior

It’s easy to slip into the “do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do” trap. A coworker

of mine recalls when his daughter was a preschooler. She enjoyed sitting
beside him in the front seat of the car, pretending to drive the vehicle. One
memorable day when engaged in this activity, she looked out the window
and bellowed: “Get out of the way you stupid ass!” My colleague knew it
was time to make some behavioral adjustments of his own. If you want
children to stay on task, model stick-to-itiveness; if you want them to read,
read; if you want them to be excited about learning, show enthusiasm
for your own projects. For young children, silent modeling may not be
enough. State what you are doing out loud, so they notice and understand.

7. Never Say No To a Book

Even with infants and toddlers, make frequent visits to bookstores

and libraries. As soon as they’re able, let children (again within limits)
choose their own material. There’s plenty available for the young reader:
waterproof books for babies in the bath, picture books, hands-on activ-
ity books, and beautifully illustrated stories. Reading to young children
daily will help build in a love of books and a sense for the flow, rhythm,
and beauty of printed language.

8. Infuse Learning School-Readiness

Skills With Joy and Excitement

More and more educators recommend that we begin teaching the

fundamentals of reading and math to capable preschoolers. Respect
the pace of the child, and because risk taking is an essential ingredient
74 parenting gifted children

for effective learning, make it safe to experiment and make mistakes.

Counting, reciting the alphabet, and recognizing numbers and letters
should be fun. Many television programs and videos are educational,
but be selective. From an early age, drawing and writing also should
be encouraged. If possible, preschoolers should have their own black
or whiteboards. Artwork and writing samples should be displayed
proudly—isn’t that why fridge magnets were invented? My wife and I
put up the children’s products outside our offices at the university. After
a few weeks, new masterpieces replace the old displays. In addition,
in this day and age it would be negligent not to embrace technology
and expose young children to it. It’s amazing to see what some 2- and
3-year-olds can do on a computer.

9. Strike a Balance Between Nurturing Specific Talent

Strengths and Creating Well-Rounded Individuals

Encourage and help young children to identify and run with their
strengths, for it takes time, commitment, and hard work to develop
talents to their fullest. On the other hand, also be mindful of the need
to be well-rounded. Don’t immediately force young children into one
particular area, but rather let them explore and allow their talents to
unfold naturally. The ancient Greeks emphasized the “golden mean,”
where the truly talented individual was seen as having interests and
abilities in a variety of domains. Early overspecialization in a single
realm can be limiting and cause other talents to be overlooked.

10. Strive For Positive Home-School Communication,

Cooperation, and Collaboration

Sometimes parents may have a somewhat biased view of their chil-

dren’s abilities, and perhaps that’s as it should be. Unfortunately, in
many cases, I have seen teachers dismiss out-of-hand some logical and
well-founded parental concerns about meeting the enrichment needs
of children. Sensitive parents are the ones best positioned to make
 A Case for Preschool Enrichment 75

accurate observations about their youngsters; they shouldn’t be hesitant,

in a positive way, to share information, ideas, and expectations with
teachers, even in nursery school and kindergarten. However, while I
feel parents should make their voices heard, it’s also important not to
be too shrill; nonadversarial home-school interaction usually works
best. When school personnel lack awareness, time, or resources, and
are unable to respond sufficiently, parents and others should be willing
to help out and pick up the slack. As Don Treffinger has emphasized
in his work, education should not be seen as the responsibility of the
school alone; it should ultimately occur within an “ecosystem of learn-
ing.” Enrichment can and should take place in school, in the home, at
the computer, on athletic fields, and in community clubs, churches,
museums, theaters, and other potentially stimulating environments.
Incidentally, feeling guilty after writing suggestion #4, I forced
myself—tired as I was—to head home for time with Hunter. The
moment I opened the door, she held up a shoehorn and asked what it
was. After I told her the name, she ran around trying to blow into and
play it. Exhausted, my wife and I nevertheless clarified the true purpose
of shoehorns, chatted with Hunter about her day, read a book, watched
and discussed the ramifications of a Disney cartoon, and essentially
added another page to our own little talent development project.

Resource

Berrueta-Clement, J. R., Schweinhart, L. J., Barnett, W. S., Epstein, A. S.,

& Weikart, D. P. (1984). Changed lives: The effects of the Perry preschool
program on youths through age 19. Ypsilanti, MI: High/Scope Press.

References

Leffert, N., Benson, P. L., & Roehlkepartain, J. L. (1997). Starting out right:
Developmental assets for children. Minneapolis, MN: Search Institute.
White, B. (1995). The new first three years of life (3rd ed.). New York, NY:
Fireside.
 Chapter 8
Too Busy to Play?
by Robert D. Strom

P
arents of preschoolers have a difficult teaching role because
they have to accomplish some of their goals primarily through
play. Using play as a medium for instruction may not seem
demanding until we recognize that parents (the teachers) have
a much shorter attention span for fantasy interaction than do their
children (the learners). Then too, the children usually possess greater
imaginative strength. Given these conditions, it is obvious that parents
can succeed only when they regard themselves and their children as
partners in play. But, how can this kind of collaboration be estab-
lished in the context of family play? What assets do parents bring to
the merger and how should these be combined with the strengths of
children? How can families use their time together for mutual benefit?
Mothers and fathers realize that complete answers for these questions
are not currently available. Nevertheless, they are eager to apply what
is known about play with young children.
My own motivation to study parent-child play grew from dissatis-
faction. As a father of two sons, I had searched in vain for advice about
how to join them in their favorite activity. Most of the literature on
play ignored the human variables. Instead, play usually was described
as though the players were interchangeable and had a uniform influ-
ence. Intuitively, I felt that different benefits could be obtained when
children played with parents, with peers, and by themselves. In order to
test these assumptions, a setting for experimentation was needed. With
assistance from The Rockefeller Foundation, various toy manufacturers,
and a group of creative student architects, a colorful spacious labora-

76
 Too Busy to Play? 77

tory was constructed. Looking back over several decades of experi-

mentation, I believe that we initially underestimated the possibilities
of teaching and learning through play. Parents commonly report that
they are able to make better decisions about the imaginative play of
3- to 6-year-olds after considering our research findings in relation to
the following questions.
•â•¢ How long can I remain interested while at play?
•â•¢ How important is my influence during play?
•â•¢ How can I support my child’s self-esteem while we play?
•â•¢ Should I praise my child during play?
•â•¢ How can I encourage creative abilities in my children?
•â•¢ Am I willing to set aside time for play?
•â•¢ How worthwhile am I as a model for leisure?
•â•¢ How important is it to spend time together?

How Long Can I Remain Interested While at Play?

Even a casual observer will notice that going shopping with parents
does not have much appeal to young children. Usually they ask to go
home well before their parent is ready. When boys and girls complain,
“We’ve been shopping too long,” parents recognize it as being “only a few
minutes.” However, this attention deficit is reversed in fantasy play. We
involved 300 families of preschoolers in an experiment. When families
entered the laboratory, they were greeted and invited to play together
with toys until I could meet with them. They did not know that the
duration of their playtime was being measured. Upon my arrival I said,
“It looks like you’ve been busy while you were waiting. By the way, how
long have you been playing?” Most of the parents guessed that they
had played for about 20 minutes even though the actual lapsed time
was 6 minutes. When someone says that another person has a short
attention span, it can depend on the activity. For many parents, this
means they can initially expect to play for 10 minutes or less without
becoming bored or noticeably distracted. Because it is unwise to play
beyond the point of interest, tell your child, “It’s time for me to stop
now. I cannot play for as long as you can.” When you take this approach,
78 parenting gifted children

you will soon experience satisfaction, become less inhibited, and your
attention span for pretending will increase.

How Important Is My Influence During Play?

Parent-child play offers unique benefits for children. They gain

a broader perspective than when they play alone or with friends.
Whatever play theme children choose, parents can help them enlarge
their vocabulary by introducing and defining new words in context.
The more words young boys and girls understand because of play and
televiewing experiences, the greater their comprehension will be when
they begin reading. Plan to play at times when you are energetic and
insightful rather than when you are intolerant and fatigued. Sometimes
tired adults read to a child, supposing the effort will support literacy.
But reading in a monotone voice offers little benefit. In contrast, when
you express emotion while reading, then enthusiasm for spending time
with books is a more likely result.
Much of what children learn before they attend elementary school
comes through guessing, questioning, and playing. These activities
fit most definitions of the creative process. Because children prefer
to use their imaginations, our first concern should be to preserve this
important asset. Creativity develops when family members encourage
it by joining children as play partners. Youngsters often base self-
esteem on the amount of family involvement in things they like to do.
It is not surprising that parents who are most willing to participate
in play are the ones who establish closer relationships with children.

How Can I Support My Child’s Self-

Esteem While We Play?

Several of our experiments offer clues about the ways in which

parent-child play contributes to the sense of power on which early self-
esteem can be built. We discovered that children need opportunities
for sharing dominance with adults. To understand this need, think
 Too Busy to Play? 79

about the kinds of games you like most. Usually, adults prefer a close
game, one in which the outcome remains in doubt until near the end.
When a football team beats another 40–0, the spectators may be heard
to say that what they witnessed was not really a game at all. By this,
they mean the imbalance of power eliminated the uncertainty and
consequent excitement about who would win. The draft in professional
sports was established to ensure parity among the teams in the league,
or else there would be no competition and the fans would not watch.
Parents experience a similar motive when they try to play games
with young children. The adults are too competent for the children to
win. Thus, during a game of checkers, when the child starts to complain,
threatens to quit, or appears on the verge of crying, grown-ups must
decide what to do. Often they cheat in favor of their young opponent,
perhaps moving a checker in such a way that the child can double
jump them. This is not an attempt to teach dishonesty; it is an effort to
convey a temporary sense of power. But it is an inappropriate method.
There is a better way to respect boys and girls: become involved with
imaginative play where their strength surpasses our own.
A child’s need for power and consequent self-assertion should have
a place in adult-child play. Many adults can play with children for only
a short period, because they can’t stand being dominated for a long
time. The same reason describes why some children cannot tolerate
certain classes at school. The child who is continually dominated, no
matter how kindly, will cease in some measure to grow because his or
her power needs remain unexpressed and unsatisfied. Identity requires
self-assertion. Yet when children assert themselves with playmates, the
usual sequence is adult intervention, reprimand, and guilt. By contrast,
when preschoolers play with parents, they do not feel guilty about
assertion. Instead, the typical consequence of child assertion during
parent-child play is parent concession.
When we ask 4-year-olds who they prefer to play with, friends or
parents, they almost always choose parents. The reason they give is,
“Then I can be the boss.” The power possibility also may explain why
preschoolers prefer to play alone with the parent, rather than include
a sibling. Older siblings are less accepting of dominance by younger
brothers and sisters because they have a narrow scope of power com-
80 parenting gifted children

pared to their parents. In other words, the fact that preschoolers choose
a less competent partner, like a parent, to a more competent one, like
a peer or sibling, suggests that a desire for play with parents is partly
to redress imbalance of interpersonal power.

Should I Praise My Child During Play?

Adults commonly rely on praise as a substitute for spending time

with their children. But giving a child attention is a higher form of
reward. Suppose a child comes to you with a picture that he is coloring.
You are busy, so you say, “That’s a wonderful job,” “That’s great,” or, “I
like it better than the one you did before dinner.” He soon returns to
demonstrate his next product and solicit your praise. Change the strat-
egy by sitting down and watching him while he colors. Now he knows
that what he is doing is important enough to warrant your attention
so he no longer has a need to seek praise. It is not just listening to a
youngster that is important. Observation also can have a great effect
by reinforcing what you consider to be most important. Hopefully, that
includes an expression of imagination.
Children seek recognition but it is less for praise than acceptance.
Because people who are accepted can remain who they are without
risking a loss of affection, they do not have to change their behavior to
continue being valued. In this way, acceptance is the greatest reward we
can offer children. Although praise is well-intended, it often is used to
shape behavior in ways that deflect a child from normal development.
It is when we want to develop initiative, creativity, and problem solving
that praise fails us most. To liberate these qualities in people, we need
to rely upon internal motivation, that is help people feel they are free
of our control. Any serious observer will notice that children experi-
ence the intrinsic satisfaction of play so they do not praise one another.
Certainly they may try to control playmates and playthings, but praise
is not their tool. On the other hand, adults who rely on praise seem
oblivious to play satisfaction and insist upon acting as judges whose
function is to verbally reinforce selected behaviors. If parents found
pleasure in play, they would not have difficulty maintaining their own
 Too Busy to Play? 81

attention for the activity. When someone finds play boring or disap-
pointing, it usually shows up in terms of a short attention span and use
of praise as an extraneous reward system.
Because praising adults are easily distracted from play, they often
lapse into a pattern of near constant superlatives. Consider 4-year-old
Darin who was playing a submarine theme with Jill, the grown-up
partner. When Darin announced that they were coming close to an
island where the monsters live, Jill replied, “OK, you keep watching the
controls.” Almost immediately Darin exclaimed, “Oh, oh, we’re out of
gas.” Without delay Jill said, “Good, keep going.” Darin, who was the
only person involved in this play theme, then declared, “Good, what do
you mean good?” Many children at play could ask Darin’s question of
their distracted parent partners who substitute praise for involvement,
and use praise as an excuse for not investing attention or time.
People who become dependent upon praise must look outside them-
selves for confidence, so they remain incapable of judging their own
behavior. The need for undue praise happens most often in families
where the adults impose inappropriate expectations. If praise is used
inappropriately as a substitute for engagement (or when a child isn’t
ready to learn a skill), the unintended result may be that the child
becomes overreliant on praise to persevere. When our son, Paris, was in
the second grade he asked me: “Dad, how come I was good at football
right away?” I told him it was because we started to play catch when
he was 6 instead of 4. He was incompetent at age 4 and would have
required frequent praise to remain involved with football. To support
a favorable self-concept without incurring the high cost of dependence
on continual praise, it is important to emphasize the main motive and
strength of preschoolers. That strength is imagination, and it is always
expressed through play. Watch children play, and you will confirm they
do not praise each another. Praise discourages independence in favor
of constant feedback, something that cannot be attained when people
become involved with long-term and difficult tasks.
82 parenting gifted children

How Can I Encourage Creative Abilities in My Children?

Research has shown that the single most important factor that
distinguishes creative children from less creative peers is family support
for imagination. Play is the method most children prefer to express
their imaginations. So I urge parents to watch children play. That boys
and girls want adults to observe them is clear from their near constant
appeal to “see me, look at this, watch how I do it.” By watching a child
pretend, you are able to communicate approval of this activity and
acceptance of creativity. In this environment, boys and girls realize
they do not have to change what they are doing in order to get your
attention. They must feel that creative play is worthwhile for you to
bother watching before they can conclude that the ability to pretend is
important enough to retain. More of us must learn to value the qualities
we want children to keep beyond childhood.
Parents are quickly distracted when they watch a 4-year-old play. Is
it because we do not know what to look for, what to find pleasing, how
to identify success, what to say about a form of play that has no rules, no
hits, no runs, and so cannot be scored? Why was it that my wife Shirley
and I could invite friends to see our 10-year-old son Steve participate in
a hockey game, but if we asked them to stop by and watch our 4-year-
old play, they declined and asked, “Why? Does he have a special trick?”
Whatever prevents us from becoming regular observers of little children
pretending should be revised if we seek to nurture creative thinking.
It is one thing to lack the power to pretend and quite another to
reject that power in someone else. This has been made clear from our
many observations of 4- and 5-year-olds during play with their parents.
When Greg wanted to drive his toy truck to Africa and join a safari, his
father did not react with enthusiasm. Instead, he dismissed the venture
by reminding Greg that Africa is across the ocean and trucks cannot
travel by water except when they are put on boats.
A similar discounting of imagination is likely to occur when chil-
dren identify relationships between toys that adults do not recognize.
Steven did not feel that his account of what was happening had to be
plausible. But his explanation that a man in a crash between two toy
trucks was not hurt because he was wearing a brick coat was immedi-
 Too Busy to Play? 83

ately dismissed by the parent, who insisted on using this occasion to

point out the value of seat belts.
A parent’s preference for realism and unwillingness to accept diver-
gent thinking combine in Maria’s case. Her mother felt compelled to
remove the policeman from a group of cowboys because “He doesn’t
fit.” Maria saw the matter quite differently and kept the officer in the
group. She pointed out that because the fort was already surrounded by
Native Americans, the cowboys needed all the help they could get and
should not turn against this person just because he dressed differently
than the rest of them by wearing a blue suit. Encourage creativity by
resisting criticism of ideas and discouraging words or phrases.

Am I Willing to Set Aside Time for Play?

Some parents seem unable to schedule play. Grandparents often

recognize the continual state of fatigue of their sons and daughters and
are concerned about it. Parents come home tired or late and excuse
themselves from play until “some other time.” But a child’s need for
play is not a Saturday or Sunday phenomenon; it is continuous. A bet-
ter plan is to amend the daily schedule so 10 minutes can be devoted
to playing together. Recognize that some unscheduled play may be
necessary as well. Occasionally, almost every child will make demands
or provide other clues that a bit of extra attention is needed. In such
cases, a few minutes of play may help avoid unnecessary frustration.
Successful parents share an attitude that the members of their family
always come first.

How Worthwhile Am I as a Model for Leisure?

People have greater leisure today compared with past genera-

tions: more holidays, longer vacations, and a much longer retirement.
Children need to know what adults enjoy doing when they do not have
to work. Yet, parents who overschedule themselves and their children
indicate, “I’m sacrificing my free time to make extra money so you
84 parenting gifted children

can have special things.” They overlook the fact that sharing moments
together is more valuable than the things adults can give to children.
Certainly, happiness is one of our most elusive goals. When parents
provide a model for how to attain satisfaction, children are the immedi-
ate beneficiaries. But, if we refuse to pursue pleasure in the presence of
our children, we are unable to convey how to find satisfaction or attain
happiness. It is possible to provide a good example of how to work hard
while failing to present children with a model of how to enjoy life.
Being a model becomes more difficult for parents as children get
older. In this connection, our studies show that early adolescents assign
parents poor ratings for teaching them to cope with stress. To provide
credible advice on stress reduction, parents must be able to demon-
strate this capacity in their own lives. One method is to periodically
withdraw from daily tasks in order to recover a sense of perspective. It
is troubling that the lowest self-rating parents report is their ability to
arrange leisure time for themselves. Working mothers suffer from the
stress of multiple responsibilities that usually include child supervision,
obligations to their husband, satisfying the employer, managing the
household, and perhaps caring for aging parents. Such pressures can
cause mothers to pass problems on to children by overscheduling them
so they lack discretionary time.
Fathers resemble mothers in reporting that their greatest difficulty
involves arranging leisure time for themselves. This lack of ability to
schedule free time is bound to impact parenting. When fathers are
stressed, the time they spend with children is likely to produce more
arguments and less mutual satisfaction. Fathers do not accept as much
responsibility as mothers do for the care and guidance of adolescents.
Therefore, it is improbable that a father can educate teenagers about
how to deal with multiple demands on their time when he is unable to
set aside periods for self-renewal. Living with too many options, feel-
ing hurried, and sensing a lack of control over events has become an
ever-increasing complaint. Fathers and mothers who do not deal with
these issues cannot teach their children essential lessons about how to
manage time or how to enjoy leisure.
 Too Busy to Play? 85

How Important Is It to Spend Time Together?

Successful families are characterized by common strengths, one of

which is spending time together. The reason time is crucial is because
it impacts all of the other traits of a healthy family. Communication,
learning, and emotional support are bound to decline when a family
loses control of how it spends time. This is why American parents
often express the desire to be with children more than they currently
experience. When asked to describe their greatest difficulties in rais-
ing children, parents commonly report being too busy and not having
enough time (see Strom & Strom, 2009a; 2009b; 2010). Fathers admit
to having greater difficulty than mothers. Parents believe child develop-
ment requires that families spend more time together in an increasingly
impersonal world. Our studies confirm that actually spending more
time with children is powerful and important.
Working longer hours is usually intended to increase family afflu-
ence. But it also makes parents less available. A related consequence is
that parents tend to be perpetually tired so they are unable to contribute
much during the moments they are with their children. Instead of giv-
ing daughters and sons the best moments when they have the greatest
energy and insight, these parents offer children the time that is second
best, as shown by their admission of fatigue. Other parents rationalize
that the periods when they are with children is quality time. However,
quality time is any time boys and girls need parents, rather than when
parents can fit them into their busy schedules. Most parents need a
better sense of balance so that their investment of time is an accurate
reflection of their priorities.
Researchers who study parental competence usually emphasize
differences in socioeconomic status and formal education. It is assumed
that advantages in bringing up children are closely related to these
characteristics. In my opinion, this approach is too narrow and in need
of revision. Accordingly, the collaborative studies that I conduct involv-
ing parents in the United States, China, and Japan include the effects
of an additional factor, which can be directly manipulated in ways that
more fixed socioeconomic traits cannot. For each of these populations,
we have discovered that differences in children’s access to parents’ time
86 parenting gifted children

is a much more influential factor than parents’ income or education in

child and adult perceptions about parent success. Mothers and fathers
who invest more time with their children know them better, so they
are more able to offer relevant advice than parents devoting less time.
In addition, children more often seek advice from parents who make
themselves available. Some adults consider an excessive work schedule
as a sign of their importance and status. But, when parents are too busy
for children, their influence and success are limited to the workplace,
and their success as parents and family members may suffer.
In summary, play is the dominant activity of preschoolers, their
favorite way of learning. Parents should make an effort to pretend with
young children. Some adults regard fantasy practice as an unimportant
activity only suitable for children. The fact is that imaginative play can
contribute to creativity and positive mental health at every age. We are
accustomed to having adult models in most sectors of life but children
are the best models for learning how to play. The conclusion for par-
ents can be stated as an admonition: Don’t be embarrassed about your
inability to play. Be embarrassed about your reluctance to participate
and learn. Better yet, get down on your knees—and play.

Resources

Rosenfeld, A., & Wise, N. (2000). The over-scheduled child: Avoiding the hyper-
parenting trap. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.
Taylor, M. (2000). Imaginary companions and the children who create them. New
York, NY: Oxford University Press.

References

Strom, R., & Strom, P. (2009a). Adolescents in the Internet age. Charlotte, NC:
Information Age Publishing.
Strom, R., & Strom, P. (2009b). Parent Success Indicator research manual.
Chicago, IL: Scholastic Testing Service.
Strom, R., & Strom, P. (2010). Parenting young children: Exploring the Internet,
television, play, and reading. Charlotte, NC: Information Age Publishing.
 Chapter 9
Growing Up Too Fast
—and Gifted
By Sylvia Rimm

P
arents and educators who recognize gifted children’s need
for challenge and acceleration too often hear, “Don’t push your
child” or “What’s the hurry?” Schools seem anxious to set lim-
its on academic advancement of gifted children. Parents and
educators alike are hesitant about saying “no” to children’s requests for
social acceleration. Requests to date early, dress in sexually suggestive
clothes, attend parties where alcohol is available, or join with friends of
dubious reputation may be allowed by adults in the name of fitting in
and social success. Ironically, the limits for academic acceleration and
the push for social acceleration are rooted in the same parent/educator
worry that children won’t accept peers who are different.
I surveyed 5,400 students from grades 3 through 8 and met with
almost 400 of the children in focus groups. Approximately half of the
students were in gifted programs. My goal was to determine the issues
and anxieties that were at the forefront of the thinking of middle school-
ers. (Keep in mind that many schools define the grade levels for “middle
school” quite differently.) Perhaps you won’t be surprised to find that pop-
ularity ranked highest, tied only with terrorism, as the most frequently
selected worry for both regular and gifted program students. There was
no significant difference between the two groups in their anxieties related
to popularity with either the same or opposite sex friends. Furthermore,
students in focus groups reminded me repeatedly that they were feeling
pressured to dress with particular labels, not study too hard, be thin, or

87
88 parenting gifted children

abandon old friends to be included in the popular crowd. Some told of

rejection by best friends or frustrations because parents wouldn’t buy the
clothes that would permit them to be included, while others complained
that the popular students sometimes manipulated teachers. In some
schools, the popular students were described as bullies, while at other
schools, students viewed them as really nice kids who were very powerful,
but with whom they wished to emulate or be friends. The focus groups
were certain that their parents couldn’t have experienced similar pressures
when they were growing up.

Benchmarks for Growing Up Too Fast

Adolescence, the path from childhood to adulthood, is marked by

familiar benchmarks, including physical and sexual maturity, pushing
of adult limits in the name of independence, and interest in the opposite
sex. In the generation of the parents of today’s middle schoolers, these
turning points tended to begin in seventh-, eighth-, and ninth-grade
for most children, or a little earlier or later for some. For today’s middle
schoolers, physical maturity may begin earlier, and adolescent-like
rebellion and interest in and involvement with the opposite sex often
begin much earlier.

Answer the brief survey below to recall when you experienced activities that
some middle schoolers are experiencing today.

• What grade were you in when you worried about being popular with the
opposite sex?
• What grade were you in when you thought your parents didn’t understand you?
• What grade were you in when you first started dating?
• What grade were you in when you drank alcohol at parties?
• What grade were you in when you tried drugs?
• What grade were you in when you first saw a sex scene in a magazine,
movie, or on TV?
• What grade were you in when you first kissed someone sensually?
• What grade were you in when you first had oral sex?
• What grade were you in when you talked with others about
homosexuality?
• What grade were you in when you first had sexual intercourse?
 Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted 89

Psychologist Erik Erikson referred to middle childhood as the

developmental stage of building competencies and confidence and
as a time when children eagerly learned skills from their parents and
teachers. If adolescence begins earlier than it previously did, it steals
precious time from middle childhood, thus making it much more dif-
ficult for parents and teachers to teach children important foundational
skills. Figure 9.1 allows you to compare your answers for the brief
survey with data and quotations from the students in the study. (Note
that throughout this article the data in all figures represent the results
from the entire sample. Quotations from students came from the focus
groups.) While you undoubtedly recognize that times have changed,
the research findings and statements from middle schoolers reveal that
today’s middle grade students’ experiences are more like those you
experienced in high school, college, and sometimes not until adulthood.

Similarities and Differences for Regular

and Gifted Program Students

Students were asked to check any of a list of 50 characteristics they

believed described themselves best. Figure 9.2 includes characteristics
that weren’t significantly different for the two groups (that is, similar
numbers of students from both categories checked those characteristics).
Numbers represent the percent of gifted students who described them-
selves with those terms. Surprisingly, gifted students viewed themselves
as athletic, cool, beautiful, popular, and social to the same extent as
regular students did. Despite stereotypes to the contrary, the students’
responses suggested that there weren’t more gifted chatterboxes or more
who were bossy, sensitive, or lonely.
Figure 9.3 shows the characteristics that were chosen significantly
more frequently by those in gifted programming, except “mean,” which
was chosen significantly less. Gifted program students chose the char-
acteristics related to ability more than regular students (e.g., smart,
gifted, creative, talented), but notice that a significant number of stu-
dents in gifted programs didn’t describe themselves as gifted, and a
significant number of students who weren’t in programming did check
90 parenting gifted children

1. Popularity
By fourth grade, 17.5 % of the children worried a lot about being popular
with the opposite sex. Slightly more boys worried more about being popular
with girls than girls with boys, which is not developmentally typical.
The popular people are the classifiers. They walk around the school and put
scorn on you if they see you as unfit to be talked to. They either insult you or
turn up their noses and walk away. (Seventh-grade boy)

2. Parent Understanding
By fifth grade, 20% worried a lot that their parents didn’t understand them.
My parents won’t listen to me. My dad thinks I should be treated differently just
because I’m a kid. I want the same treatment as my parents. He says, “I’m the
adult here and I should be treated differently because I’m older.” I don’t agree.
(Fifth-grade boy)

3. Dating
By fifth grade, some students reported dating.
Some girls in my grade have boyfriends. They talk to each other in school and
go on dates to movies. Sometimes they go in groups, and sometimes it’s one
girl and one boy. Some girls had boyfriends in third grade. (Fifth-grade girl)

4. Alcohol
By fifth grade, 6.4% of kids indicated they had drunk beer in the previous
year and 13% were worried about peer pressure to drink alcohol. By grades
6–8, 37% indicated they’d used alcohol during the previous year (“PRIDE
questionnaire,” 2003).
I have a friend who brags that she can chug a Bloody Mary in less than 10
seconds. (Seventh‑grade girl)

5. Drugs
By seventh to eighth grade (middle school), 15% indicated they had used
illicit drugs, and in fifth grade, 11% were worried about peer pressure to try
drugs (“PRIDE questionnaire,” 2003).
In my apartments, a couple of kids get high on drugs. I try and stay away from
them. They try to get us good kids to buy drugs. (Fifth-grade boy)

Figure 9.1. Matching facts and quotations for Growing Up Too Fast survey
questions. The data and quotations are from Growing Up Too Fast (Rimm,
2005), except where other sources are referenced.
 Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted 91

Figure 9.1, continued

6. Sex Scenes
In 2000, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reported
that 25% of children had unwanted exposure via the Internet to pictures of
naked people or people having sex (Finkelhor, Mitchell, & Wolak, 2000).
We knew as much about sex in second grade as our parents knew in middle
school. We know everything about sex now because we’ve seen it all on
television and the Internet. (Sixth-grade girl)

7. Kissing
By sixth grade, kids reported seeing kissing around them in school.
Kids play truth or dare on the bus. The boys dare the girls to sit on their laps
and play pony so boys can feel girls on their penises. Some kids dared a boy
to kiss a girl on the bus, and he kissed her on her you-know-where [breasts] in
front of everyone. Those kids got into big trouble. (Sixth‑grade girl)

8. Oral Sex
Parents of middle schoolers indicated that by seventh and eighth grade,
there were rainbow or oral sex parties. Kids say it isn’t “real sex” and believe
it’s safer than sexual intercourse.

9. Homosexuality
“Gay” is used as the worst insult or bullying word. Homosexuality is not
part of the curriculum in most middle schools today. School boards avoid the
controversy.
Robert called me gay because I wouldn’t tell him who I liked. So I just finally
told him I liked the hottest girl in our class, and then he stopped calling me gay.
(Seventh-grade boy)

10. Sexual Intercourse

Child Trends Research Group found that 16% of girls and 20% of boys
reported having sexual intercourse by age 14 (8th grade; Painter, 2002).
We all like girls. We learn about everything from the movies and try out the sex
we see. (Fifth-grade boy)
92 parenting gifted children

Characteristic %
Kind 62
Athletic 62
Funny 62
Cool 47
Risk Taker 41
Very Social 41
Chatterbox 37
Sweet 36
Popular 32
Good Little Girl or Boy 32
Beautiful 27
Sensitive 26
Secure 22
Modest 22
Shy 20
Quiet 19
Fashion Leader 15
Troublemaker 13
Bossy 11
Lonely 6

Figure 9.2. How similar are gifted program students? Characteristics selected
by gifted students to describe themselves that were not significantly different
from the selections of regular program students.

these high-ability categories. Other differences between gifted program

and regular students were in expected directions, but weren’t nearly as
different as is often assumed by parents and teachers.
Most of the gifted program students expressed worries similar to
the regular students (see Figure 9.4). This should alert parents to being
sensitive to the social pressures their children may be experiencing.
Gifted program students aren’t exempt from worries about popularity,
the right clothes, or being overweight. Neither do they show differences
 Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted 93

Students in the Students in the

Gifted Program Regular Program
Characteristics % %
Smart 77 59
Gifted 71 38
Creative 68 59
Talented 66 54
Happy 66 63
Hard Worker 60 54
Confident 52 46
Special 43 34
Independent 42 37
Leader 40 30
Different 40 33
Courageous 34 30
Strong-Willed 32 27
Brainy 29 15
Bookworm 27 18
Emotional 26 22
Adult-Like 26 22
Perfectionistic 22 16
Persistent 22 17
Tomboy 17 14
Self-Critical 15 13
Nerdy 5 2
Mean 2 3

Figure 9.3. How are gifted program students different? Characteristics listed
show statistically significant differences between selections made by gifted
and regular program students.
94 parenting gifted children

Similar Worries Students Surveyed %

Terrorist attacks on my country 30
Popularity with girls 30
Pressure to have nice clothes 24
Popularity with boys 23
My parents don’t understand me 23
I’m too fat 21
I’m not tall enough 17
I’m not social enough 15
People who bully me 14
Loneliness 13
My teachers don’t understand me 13
I have acne or skin problems 12

Figure 9.4. What worries are similar for gifted and regular program
students?

related to parenting or teachers not understanding them. Contrary to

typical assumptions, they don’t worry more about acne than regular
program students. Because middle school children are often secretive,
they may not confide to parents about the pressures they feel, particu-
larly because almost one quarter of gifted and regular students indicated
that they worried a lot about their parents not understanding them.
Figure 9.5 lists those concerns that were less worrisome for gifted
than for regular program students. They were somewhat less worried
about appearance, confidence, and intelligence. Fewer indicated con-
cerns about peer pressures to try alcohol or drugs. Consider, however,
that for those areas where fewer claimed worries, there were still size-
able numbers with concerns. You may remember some similar anxieties
when you were in junior high school, but it’s likely that your junior high
school began in seventh grade and not in fourth or fifth grade where
some middle schools and these worries begin today.
 Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted 95

Students in the Students in the

Worries Gifted Program % Regular Program %
I’m not pretty enough 16 19
I’m not confident enough 13 16
I’m not smart enough 12 19
Pressure to try drugs 10 12
Pressure to drink alcohol 9 12

Figure 9.5. What worries are different for gifted students? Differences
between gifted and regular program students are statistically significant.

Gifted Program Students’ Optimism

There’s some good news in the study that shows some real advantages
for gifted program students as they look toward the future. Not only were
they more likely to expect their education to go beyond a 4â•‚yearâ•‚degree
program (58% compared to 44%), but they also were significantly more
likely to believe they would grow up to be happy (56% compared to 51%)
and significantly less likely to be afraid about growing up (8% compared
to 11%). Priorities for their futures also were different. Gifted program
students were more likely to set priorities for happy family lives, making
the world a better place, and having creative and challenging jobs and
happy personal lives. Regular program students were more likely to set
priorities for earning a lot of money, having a good reputation in the
community, and becoming famous. These choices support the altruism
that’s often attributed to gifted children.

How Parents and Teachers Can

Help With Students’ Worries

The data suggested three factors that may decrease the anxieties
that middle school students experience. First, students who viewed
themselves as above average in intelligence tended to experience fewer
anxieties than those who considered themselves average or below aver-
96 parenting gifted children

age. There also were some differences between the aboveâ•‚average intel-
ligence groups. Those who described themselves as far above average
were worried about being bullied, being lonely, not being pretty enough,
and not having enough selfâ•‚confidence. More also were worried about
teachers, parents, and friends not understanding them. However, com-
pared to students who believed they had average or belowâ•‚average
intelligence, fewer indicated worries. So of the five categories of intel-
ligence students could choose, those who chose somewhat above aver-
age indicated having the fewest anxieties.
The second factor that reduced student social worries was
aboveâ•‚average family relationships. (Students rated their family rela-
tionships on a oneâ•‚toâ•‚five scale. I characterized scores of 4 or 5 as “above
average,” 3 as “average,” and 1 or 2 as “below average.”) Throughout the
study, aboveâ•‚average family relationships seemed to improve almost
all issues for middle school students. A surprising third finding was
that fewer children experienced anxieties if they rated their selfâ•‚con-
fidence as average, compared to those who rated their confidence as
either above or below average. That finding seems counterintuitive, but
perhaps if children had a great deal of confidence in themselves, they
felt more pressures to maintain their high social status, while if they
believed they were above average in intelligence, they could rationalize
popularity and the right clothes as not as important as their intelligence.
These findings should provide some guidance and comfort to parents
of gifted students. Maintaining close family relationships through sup-
portive and fun activities and encouraging your children to feel intelligent,
but not necessarily brilliant, can go a long way in helping kids navigate
middle school worries. Parents may not need to fret if their children have
only reasonable selfâ•‚confidence and don’t consider themselves in the most
popular clique, because that social confidence may be less important if
feeling intelligent and parent support help them manage their anxieties.
 Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted 97

How Parents Can Help Prevent

Children’s Highâ•‚Risk Involvements

Children are less likely to get involved in highâ•‚risk activities like alco-
hol, drugs, and promiscuous sexual behaviors if they have aboveâ•‚average
grades, aboveâ•‚average family relationships, and plenty of extracurricular
school involvement. There are many good reasons to keep kids involved,
although many parents may often wish for a little more downtime for
both themselves and their children. The problem for today’s middle
schoolers is that when they’re not involved, they’re almost magnetically
attracted to screens: big screens (movies), middle screens (TV and com-
puters), or little screens (video games and cell phones).
Counting only TV, computers, and video games, the students in
this study spent more than four times as much time watching screens
each day as doing homework. Furthermore, when they spent more
time on the screen, they were involved in fewer activities. Students
who described themselves as having aboveâ•‚average intelligence and
aboveâ•‚average family relationships also indicated spending less time on
all screens, but particularly on TV and video games. They also were less
likely to get involved in high-risk activities than those who described
their intelligence as average or below average or who had average or
below-average family relationships (see Figures 9.6 and 9.7). There’s
a great deal of evidence that supports the conventional wisdom that
keeping kids busy helps keep them out of trouble.

Parenting With Foresight

Middle schoolers are selfâ•‚absorbed with their daily lives and what’s
happening to them now. They rarely think about how their behaviors
can affect their futures because the future seems very distant to them.
They make decisions based on consequences that will occur in the next
hours, days, or weeks, but they usually don’t consider repercussions that
could affect them in upcoming years. Living in a way that enhances
98 parenting gifted children

2.1

Television 2.6

3.6

1.6

Computer or video games 1.8

2.6

1.2

E-mail and IM 1.4

Above average
1.5
Average
Below average

1.5

Internet 1.7

1.9

Figure 9.6. Screen and homework time related to self-perception of intelligence

(average number of hours).

their longâ•‚term health, their higher education, and the preservation of

our society seems irrelevant to most middle schoolers.
On the other hand, through their life experiences, parents and
educators have the gift of foresight that permits them to guide chil-
dren toward positive and healthy futures. Confidence in your ability
to inspire children is essential for encouraging them to think intelli-
gently, to believe in themselves, to consider others, and to be inspired
 Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted 99

2.2

Television 2.4

2.6

1.5

Computer or video games 1.8

1.2 Perceptions of Family

Relationships
E-mail and IM 1.5 Above average
Average
1.6 Below average

1.5

Internet 1.8

2.1

Figure 9.7. Screen and homework time related to self-perception of family

relationships (average number of hours).

to make the world a better place. Your guidance will help keep them
from getting sidetracked by negative peers, highâ•‚risk behaviors, or the
temptations of immediate gratification. No matter how they cry out in
anger at you, you will at times have to disappoint them for the sake of
longâ•‚range goals. Despite how much you love them and want them to
approve of you, you need to set reasonable limits and actually say no
to their requests from time to time, even when they claim that you’re
too strict or blame you for their worries about popularity.
100 parenting gifted children

Although the timing of adolescent development appears to have

changed, the basic principles of parenting have remained the same.
Allow your gifted children to experience the joys of childhood by chal-
lenging them academically, but not pushing them socially to adulthood
too soon. By parenting in a moderate and balanced way and providing
your children with both love and limits, they’ll internalize your wise
values as they move into their teens and then adulthood.

References

Finkelhor, D., Mitchell, K. J., & Wolak, J. (2000). Online victimization: A

report on the nation’s youth. Alexandria, VA: National Center For Missing
and Exploited Children.
Painter, K. (2002, March 15). The sexual revolution hits junior high. USA
Today, p. A. 01.
PRIDE questionnaire report for grades 6 thru 12. (2003). Bowling Green, KY:
PRIDE Surveys.
Rimm, S. (2005). Growing up too fast: The Rimm report on the secret world of
America’s middle schoolers. New York, NY: Rodale.
 Chapter 10
Creating Successful Middle
School Partnerships: A
Parent’s Perspective
by Rebecca Robbins

I
have yet to meet a parent who didn’t fret a little about sending his
or her child to middle school. While students look forward to more
independence, more class choices, and more afterschool activities,
parents worry about academic challenge, social pressures, and school
safety. As a parent of a child entering middle school, I held precon-
ceived notions and myths about large classes and cookie cutter learning
at the middle school level, and I wondered whether my daughter would
have opportunities to maximize her academic potential during the in-
between years. I had enjoyed the nurturing environment of the gifted
program at her elementary school, and I knew that our high school
would be a great learning environment for her in a few years. Now,
after almost 2 years as a middle school parent, I can report that the
middle years can be great years. In my view, parents can play a critical
role in middle school success. By availing ourselves of the resources
and partnerships available during the middle years and supporting
the educators and administrators who work together to form those
partnerships, we become better educational advocates for our children.
The National Middle School Association (NMSA) and the
National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC) issued a powerful
joint position statement, “Meeting the Needs of High Ability and High

101
102 parenting gifted children

Potential Learners in the Middle Grades” (http://www.nagc.org/index.

aspx?id=400). The NMSA and the NAGC (n.d.) acknowledged that

[b]uilding a middle school culture that supports equity and

excellence for each learner requires sustained attention to part-
nerships among all adults key to the student’s development . . .
[including] partnerships between home and school, specialists
and generalists, and teachers and administrators. (para. 9)

There are many ways that middle schools can affect such partnerships as
they address the needs and strengths of children during the important
“tween” years.
Many middle schools respond to the need for academic challenge
by engaging in partnerships with the feeder high schools. For example,
joint arrangements for mathematics are quite common in order to meet
the needs of gifted students, which are often beyond typical middle
school offerings. A Virginia parent shared that the middle school allows
its geometry students to walk to the high school, conveniently located
next door. An Indiana middle school provided bus transportation dur-
ing the first period of the day for advanced math classes at the high
school. At my daughter’s school, a distance-learning classroom was
established for students taking second-year algebra in the eighth grade.
Distance learning works particularly well when scheduling doesn’t
permit bus travel time or when parents feel their students aren’t quite
ready to walk the halls of high school.
Middle schools and high schools also can work out individual
accommodations where appropriate. With appropriate planning and
coordination among principals, counselors, and subject-matter teachers,
it may be possible for gifted students to enroll in high school classes
for part of the day, while attending middle school for the portion of
the day that includes lunch, electives, and afterschool activities. I have
learned from my daughter’s experience how important it is to maintain
social connections at her middle school, including being part of sports
teams and music ensembles. As the NMSA and the NAGC (n.d.) have
concluded, middle school educators “need to understand and address
the unique dynamics that high-ability and high-potential young ado-
 Creating Successful Middle School Partnerships 103

lescents may experience as they seek to define themselves and their

roles among peers” (para. 8). For middle schoolers, balancing social
interaction with appropriate academic challenge is often the greatest
goal of a successful educational plan.
Independent study is another way to provide academic challenges
to middle school students, during the school year or during the summer.
Online high school courses are now widely available and work well for
self-motivated students. My daughter took Michael Thompson’s “Word
Within the Word” course through Northwestern University’s Center
for Talent Development, and she thoroughly enjoyed it. Although
these options are not without cost, the offerings are numerous. Middle
schools often are willing to allow students to work on independent
study courses during the school day, in the library, or at a computer
station within the classroom.
Websites of middle schools across the country reveal a variety of
enrichment activities that employ partnerships with outside experts,
parent-teacher groups, and community volunteers. Science Olympiads,
geography and spelling bees, academic “super bowls,” and clubs explor-
ing specific interests such as photography, chess, drama, or foreign
languages are just some of the many creative ways middle schools are
helping middle school students become, in the words of the NMSA/
NAGC (n.d.) statement, “more powerful and productive” (para. 8).
Equally important are the opportunities for volunteerism and com-
munity service that many middle schools provide.
Becoming active in parent-school organizations and programs is an
excellent way for parents to monitor the middle school’s pulse, particu-
larly because students at this age often are more focused on their own
world than they are in keeping their parents informed of everything
that happens at school. Middle schools, in partnership with parent
groups and community health organizations, are taking a much more
proactive role in addressing sensitive topics such as drugs and teen
sexuality. Many provide regular roundtable discussions for parents, as
well as safe outlets for students facing the challenges of the teen years.
For parents, keeping abreast of developments nationally as well as
locally is important if we are going to be effective advocates for our
children. Resources such as the NMSA and NAGC websites, and
104 parenting gifted children

workshops and conferences hosted by our state gifted education asso-

ciations are excellent places to begin. Books such as Genius Denied:
How to Stop Wasting our Brightest Young Minds and Re-Forming Gifted
Education: How Parents and Teachers can Match the Program to the Child,
provide a wealth of information on advocacy and options for innovative
delivery of appropriate services for gifted students. Our school district
recently performed a self-study of its gifted program, allowing parents,
teachers, and administrators to brainstorm and exchange ideas about
how to make our program even better.
In sum, I’ve learned that middle school is not a dark tunnel to be
passed through while on the way to a brighter place. Middle school can
be its own safe passage to the precollege world of high school, illumi-
nated by a balance of academic challenges and social opportunities. As
parents, we can help our schools by suggesting and taking advantage
of partnerships among all of the adults that play a role in our students’
successes. For me, taking a proactive role in my daughter’s educational
plan has been the most important gift I could give her during her
middle school years.

Resources

Davidson, J., & Davidson, R. (2004). Genius denied: How to stop wasting our
brightest young minds. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
Rogers, K. B. (2002). Re-forming gifted education: How parents and teachers
can match the program to the child. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.

Reference

National Middle School Association, & National Association for Gifted

Children. (n.d.). Meeting the needs of high ability and high potential learn-
ers in the middle grades. Retrieved from http://www.nagc.org/index.
aspx?id=400
 Chapter 11
College Planning With Gifted
Children: Start Early
by Maureen Neihart

M
areesha’s parents worry about financing her college education.
They want her to be able to go to the college that best meets her
academic and social needs, but they wonder if they are being
realistic about her chances for a scholarship. Should they and
Mareesha resign themselves to the less expensive state universities and forego
applications to more competitive schools? How can they reconcile their hopes
and her dreams with the financial realities?
Tim is a gifted high school freshman and is the first in his large family
to consider going to college. College planning is new ground for them all.
When do they start? How do they start? The school counselors tell Tim not
to worry; they’ll help him figure it out when he’s a junior. They don’t seem
to have much time for him now, but it’s on Tim’s mind. He wonders if he’s
doing the right things to get himself ready. Is there anything he should be
doing now? He and his parents have so many questions!
Bobbi is talented in many different ways. She seems to excel at everything.
As a seventh grader, she wonders aloud how she will ever narrow down her
interests. Her parents wonder if she’ll end up playing musical majors in college.

Why It’s Important

No matter their interests or backgrounds, all gifted children should

begin college planning early—no later than junior high school and as

105
106 parenting gifted children

early as fifth grade for some children. Beginning early provides the
time some gifted children need to sort out their interests and abili-
ties, as well as the extra time required to prepare and apply for some
of the most competitive and rewarding scholarships that are available
to motivated students. Research suggests that an early start also helps
maintain the high aspirations of gifted students, particularly those who
are interested in specialized careers.
Gifted students often think about their future earlier than other
students. One eighth-grade girl, eager for college information, put it
this way, “No one else I know is interested in this stuff, but I think
about it a lot.” The best time to teach children is when they demonstrate
a readiness and an interest. It is no different with college planning.
Many gifted children welcome specific information about college and
career planning in junior high, and some are ready for it earlier.
Unfortunately, many school counselors simply do not have the time
to begin this early with students, but they can be excellent resources
for information and guidance for the family that is willing to take the
initiative to follow through.

For All College-Bound Students

There are many ways you can help your child begin early to plan
for college. You can make occasional references to “when you’re in col-
lege . . . “ to plant the expectation in your child’s mind that he or she
will in fact be attending postsecondary school. You can visit college
campuses with your kids when you are traveling. You can take a walk
or play in a park on campus, take your child to see an interesting event
happening on campus, or stop in at the student union to have a soda.
You also might visit college-age relatives or neighbors in their dorms.
If children have experiences on college campuses, it will be easier for
them to imagine themselves as a college student later on. They also
will gain firsthand experience that different colleges feel very different
from one another.
Another way you can help your children prepare now for college
admission is to encourage them to maintain a portfolio of activities
 College Planning With Gifted Children 107

and accomplishments. Include dates, names of people who supervised

or evaluated their work, and a sample of their work when applicable.
Keeping a portfolio will make it easier years later to organize and
document information for scholarship and college applications.
Sometimes gifted children are keenly interested in specialized
career fields for which the course of preparation is not clearly outlined.
There are career fields and specialty areas that are so new that there
is little printed information available on how to train for them. Extra
planning time is needed to determine the steps to take to pursue such
career fields.
Jason, for example, has always wanted to create special effects for
movies. Special effects creation has been his passion since he was at
least 10 years old. He already knows quite a bit about various effects,
and inspired by science fiction movies and novels, he has already created
quite a few of his own latex creatures. Now in eighth-grade, he knows
that in a few months he will be asked to outline his course of study for
high school. His elective hours are limited, and like so many talented
youngsters, he would like to be able to take everything. But what will
best prepare him for a career in film and special effects in particular?
This career interest is not something he can look up in the Dictionary
of Occupational Titles. Should he take art classes? Photography? And
what colleges would do the best job of launching such a career? These
are questions for which neither Jason’s parents nor his teachers or coun-
selors have ready answers.
Jason is wise to be asking these questions while he is still in junior
high school. One of Jason’s teachers suggests that for guidance he ask
a professional in the field. There is no one in this field in his state, but
Jason has been subscribing to the trade journals for several years and
knows “who’s who” at Industrial Light and Magic, one of the leading
special effects studios in Hollywood. With some persistence, he is able
to contact Craig Reardon, the creator of E.T.
Mr. Reardon gives generously of his time and tells Jason that the
way the field is changing, he will need a degree in mechanical or elec-
trical engineering. Mr. Reardon advises Jason to forego the art classes
in high school and instead take all the math and science courses he
can. Though he is surprised with what he learns from Mr. Reardon,
108 parenting gifted children

Jason gladly changes his high school course of study and signs up for
additional math, science, and computer classes. He now has more of a
focus for college. He is looking for schools with engineering programs
where he also can study film. Because he started to plan for college early,
Jason avoided some mistakes and prepared himself well for college.

Students With Multiple Interests

All gifted children are not like Jason, with a single passion and
well-defined career goals. Many talented children have the ability and
interest to do a number of different things well. This ability is known
as multipotentiality. The multipotential child certainly has advantages
in college planning because he or she has more options than the aver-
age child. However, multipotentiality also can cause some stresses or
conflicts. It can be viewed as both a blessing and a problem because
while children may feel they have lots of opportunities, they also may
feel torn among their diverse interests. They may need assistance in
planning to pursue and integrate more than one career path or to dis-
criminate among several strong interests.
Kaitlyn, for example, has never failed at anything. Everything
she tries is a success. First she writes science fiction stories, then she
becomes an expert on mythology and begins teaching classes. She
loves science, and her mother keeps talking with her about the security,
prestige, and economic comforts of a career in medicine. Kaitlyn excels
in foreign languages, too, and dreams of a career in the foreign service.
During her junior year, she tries out for the school musical and lands
the lead. To her surprise and delight, her character steals the show,
and the following year she takes second place in the state drama com-
petition. As time rolls around for her to seriously contemplate college
applications, she is at a loss about where to begin. What path should
she pursue? There isn’t one thing she likes a lot more than the others.
Her mother is concerned that Kaitlyn will jump from one major to
another in college.
To assist Kaitlyn in understanding herself and her interests better, the
school counselor suggests that she do some volunteer work in her areas
 College Planning With Gifted Children 109

of interest—in other words, that she get some real experience. Kaitlyn
arranges to volunteer in the research lab at one of the local hospitals.
Medical research is one career field she is interested in; maybe this experi-
ence will help her decide. Any experience that allows your child to work
alongside professionals in the field of his or her interest will help your
child clarify interests, abilities, and goals. Encourage your child to have
at least one such experience a year from grades 6 to 12.
In some cases, specialized careers are so competitive that early
training is required to increase chances of job entry. Or, a gifted child
may have outstanding ability and passion for a specific interest that
may require atypical postsecondary training (e.g., professional schools,
immediate career entry, training in professional companies). The per-
forming arts are an example.
Alicia, for instance, has been dancing since she was 3. She has won
several regional competitions and at age 14 is thinking seriously about
a career in dance. Should she take a traditional approach to college and
major in dance, or should she audition to join a ballet company? What
would be the immediate and long-term implications of each of these
choices? By starting to explore her options early, Alicia and her family
have time to seek answers to those questions, to weigh her options in
light of her talent, desires, and maturity in order to make well-informed
decisions. Talking with professional dancers and with the dance instruc-
tors at a few colleges helps her decide to audition with a company.

What Parents Can Do

There are other simple steps that parents can take now to help their
gifted child begin the college planning process.
•â•¢ Begin a file about private scholarship sources (i.e., those spon-
sored by corporations or other organizations).
•â•¢ Surf the web for funding sources or check out scholarship
resource books from the library. Talk positively about your own
college experiences if you attended or facilitate these conversa-
tions for your child with other adults.
110 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Communicate that you expect your child to save money toward
college. Help your child develop a college savings plan.
•â•¢ Encourage your child to take high school classes that prepare
him or her well for college. A strong college prep transcript
will include at least 3 years each of math, science, and foreign
language, and 4 years of English. Often, students are also bet-
ter prepared if they take honors or advanced classes whenever
possible. Support your child in taking the most challenging
courses, even if it means he or she might not earn an “A.” The
more challenging classes will prepare your youngster better for
college and for the college entrance exams.
•â•¢ Be sure to include in your record keeping examples and refer-
ences from you child’s extracurricular activities. These outside
projects and leadership opportunities reveal much to college
admission counselors.

Starting early may be the most important thing for parents to
remember about college planning with their gifted children.
 Chapter 12
Real Fears of Incoming First-
Year College Students:
What Parents Can Do
by Mary Kay Shanley and Julia Johnston

C
ollege acceptance letters in hand, deposit mailed to the final
choice, graduation glee, and finally gone is the worry about
your college-bound student. Au contraire. Your teenager’s fears
about getting into college are now being replaced with new fears
about actually going to college. And, as you know, when teenagers have
angst, parents experience angst as well.
Such college-bound fears are common fodder for graduating seniors
heading off on the adventure of a lifetime. But like so many other situ-
ations in the world of gifted students, their fears may be more intense,
deep-seated, and challenging. As a parent, you already know that, but
what you may not know is what those new fears are and how you can
be supportive.
In interviews with 175 college students throughout the United States
for our book, Survival Secrets of College Students, young people talked,
sometimes painfully, about what they wished they’d known ahead of
time and what they would tell a younger sibling going into the first year
of college. Their tips, stories, and common-sense directives about fears
and how they dealt with them can serve as a blueprint for your child as
he or she heads off to college—and as a guide for how you can support
your child’s transition to independence and adulthood.

111
112 parenting gifted children

Fear #1: What if I Don’t Have What it Takes?

So far, your child has been at the top, or near the top, of the heap.
Beginning in kindergarten, gifted students often are big fish in a little
pond, receiving everything from smiley faces to A’s with precious little
effort. But now, facing college, they sense they’re about to become
little fish in a big pond. One parent recalls a presentation for incoming
freshmen and their parents at Harvey Mudd College in Claremont,
CA. “The students in this freshman class were in the top 4% of their
high school graduating class,” the speaker said. “But here, only 4% of
all our freshmen students will be in that top 4%.”
The reality of such math can cause gifted students to wonder about
their ability to do well in college. “When I first got here, I thought
they all were so much smarter, more hard working,” Erin Pirruccello,
University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, told us. “In calculus class, I
thought everyone was getting it and I wasn’t. I was scared, but I found
out later everyone else was just as clueless.”
Like Pirruccello, gifted students do successfully compete academi-
cally but first, many must develop study skills, learn to manage their
time, and quite simply, get (and stay) organized. As Niki Gangruth,
St. Olaf College, Northfield, MN, said, “The difference between high
school and college is a big shock. In high school, maybe you’d put in
a couple of hours the night before the test and do fine.” Gangruth’s
wake-up call was a D on her first psychology test at St. Olaf.
Bryn Rouse, University of Montana, Missoula, had all five classes
on her first day. Afterwards, she cried, fearing she couldn’t handle col-
lege. “The next day,” she said, “I wrote out a weekly calendar for each
class and followed it.”
So, what’s a parent to do?
•â•¢ Encourage the development of study skills, time management,
and organizational skills throughout high school. Students
can learn time management skills by joining extracurricular
activities—not just any activities but those that demand energy,
lots of time, and personal commitment. Encourage your child
to consider classes and activities such as debate, mock trial,
newspaper, music, theater, or an individual or team sport.
 Real Fears of Incoming First-Year College Students 113

•â•¢ Suggest taking a hands-on class like woodworking or car repair

either at school or through community education or community
college. Such classes teach practical problem solving and develop
self-sufficiency. After all, how many students can change a car
tire, check the oil, or understand the check engine light? These
are all skills your child will unpack at college and release you from
managing your child’s life.
•â•¢ Even if your child did not participate in extracurricular activi-
ties in high school, college offers a whole new world. There are
literally hundreds of opportunities through campus organiza-
tions, the Greek system, and volunteering through community,
college, or religious groups. Encourage trying at least three
things early in the first semester.

Fear #2: What if I Can’t Find Friends Like Me?

Leaving family and friends for college creates angst for many new
freshmen. Going home for a decent meal or seeing old friends may not
be an option until Thanksgiving. They now share a postage-stamp-sized
room or suite with one or more complete strangers. Then, there are the
assorted friends and study partners who form a continuous stream of
people through their room. So, for somebody who values alone time to
think, sort, plan, or just be, crawling into a shell seems easiest.
Now, add to that the high expectations gifted kids hold for oth-
ers—another trait of gifted children—and the discouragement felt
when new friends don’t live up to those expectations. Is it little wonder
that worries exist about finding compatible friends?
“What I missed really was that when I was in high school, I knew a
lot of people,” said Martha Edwards, Marquette University, Milwaukee,
WI. “At college, I walked down the street and there were no faces I
knew. Even with all those people, I felt lonely.”
So, what’s a parent to do?
•â•¢ Share your own college stories—good and bad—and what
you learned. We realize from personal experience that com-
municating with an 18-year-old seems as hopeless as herding
114 parenting gifted children

cats. But you never know how much of what you say ends up
getting serious consideration.
•â•¢ Encourage participation in college orientation. (See Orientation
Fills the Void).
•â•¢ Send care packages with plenty of goodies to share.
•â•¢ Discuss the fact that friendships may change throughout the
semester. Most college students told us the people they called
friends in the beginning turned out, instead, to be acquaintances.
Solid friendships seem to develop second semester or even soph-
omore year, after the first blush of college wears off. As Angela
Kinney, Saint Louis University, St. Louis, MO, succinctly noted:
“Your roommate doesn’t always end up being your bridesmaid.”

Fear #3: Do I Have to Party Hard?

In this new environment, some incoming students eschew the

party-central life entirely; some dabble; some consider it a chance to
finally fit in. Gifted children are no exception. Possessing great intel-
lectual capacity doesn’t necessarily equate with any more wisdom and
maturity than the youngster three doors down in the residence hall.
Gifted children experience asynchronous development, meaning
that unlike other children, gifted children’s intellectual, physical, and
emotional development do not progress at the same rate. Instead, gifted
children’s intellectual development may be ahead of their physical and
emotional development—and those last two components are not neces-
sarily in sync with one another.
In layperson terms, their intelligence is advanced but social skills
lag behind. Family and friends understood and accepted this differ-
ence in development. This new environment may not be so accepting
or understanding.
However, peer pressure to party may be overrated. Zack Barr was
afraid everyone at Brandeis University, Waltham, MA, would be par-
tying, drinking, and staying up late and he’d be sitting alone in the
dorm on Friday and Saturday nights. “But it’s a lot tamer than I had
anticipated,” Barr said. “All of a sudden, I see other people also there,
 Real Fears of Incoming First-Year College Students 115

Orientation Fills the Void

Our students described orientation from “summer camp on steroids” to “way too
many people to meet at 30-second intervals.” Their orientation reviews were
mixed. But they did agree that orientation is a way to meet people who are
equally lost or unsure, so just go.
During orientation, your child will be urged to get involved in a
smorgasbord of extracurricular activities. That is, perhaps, the best way to seek
out other high-ability students with complementary values and to build a niche
in a smaller community. Elizabeth Joyce, Stanford University, Palo Alto, CA,
says you learn which activities are right for you by trial and error: “[The activity
you choose] may be related to your discipline or future career, or connected
with you culturally or religiously.” Allison McAndrew, Williams College,
Williamstown, MA, told us she wished she would have “made a stronger
attempt to join more clubs and meet more people rather than hanging out solely
with the people I lived with first semester.”
Jason Kaplan, Colgate University, Hamilton, NY, found his niche in sports.
“After I played almost every intramural sport offered,” he said, “I realized I
couldn’t have managed being away from all those friends.” For Molly Egan,
it was going Greek. She didn’t know anyone at the University of Tennessee,
Knoxville, and believes orientation was “a great way to meet people day
one of my college experience. In a nutshell, sorority life is a family for me at
college.”
Students readily acknowledged that some activities they tried were not
what they expected. One student was amazed that in women’s rugby they
actually tackled each other. She lasted 3 days before finding something else
with less bruising and people with whom she had more in common.

and we hang out. Maybe I found the right group of people who also
aren’t into partying.”
Our students advised that whenever someone feels pressure from
his or her social group, it may be time to look for a different group.
One student says she wandered into the social room of her church
and found the room packed with other students interested in almost
everything—except partying hard. She started to like college a whole
lot better with this new community.
So, what’s a parent to do?
•â•¢ Discuss ways to be safe on campus rather than condemn par-
ties altogether. For example, our students suggest: Never go
116 parenting gifted children

to parties alone. Have a designated nondrinker friend keep an

eagle-eye on your group.
•â•¢ Encourage carrying important numbers such as campus
security with you or programming them into your phone.
Students are given resource numbers at orientation for help
with everything.
•â•¢ Talk about the Residence Assistant (RA) system. For residence
hall issues—whether it’s parties brought back to the dorm room
or a roommate’s sleepover partners that infringe on privacy and
room access—there is an RA. (If that fails, go higher up the
administrative chain.) RAs told us they wish students would
talk to them at the beginning of the first semester, before
issues have time to fester. Further, the RAs say students should
know that they do not have to do anything that feels counter
to their instincts.

Ideally, new students figure out that they and their lifestyle are just
fine. It is not unusual for a student to grow and change during college
in terms of personality and interests. Be supportive as your child tries
on different clothes, literally and figuratively, in college. The students
interviewed emphasized that who a student was in high school isn’t who
he or she must be in college. That’s good news for high achievers who
may well have spent grade school, middle, and high school trying to fit in.
“You get to re-invent yourself in college,” says Alix Lifka-Reselman,
Brandeis University, Waltham, MA. “In high school I did things I didn’t
want to do, and that carried over to first semester of college. I made bad
choices. I decided to change. I’m trying new things, like rugby and get-
ting back into photography. I’m finding the nerdy Alix, finding myself.
I have actually reverted to an earlier me. I don’t need to change to make
friends, so I change to make me happy with myself.”
These students’ experiences about trying to fit in socially and aca-
demically in a new college environment are not necessarily universal.
Still, lessons can be learned from their journey to being happy with
themselves, which involves both self-analysis and courage. Parents can be
supportive of their children in this journey from angst to independence
while in college.
 Real Fears of Incoming First-Year College Students 117

Letting Go

One of the hardest points for parents of college-bound students

to acknowledge is that their child is a young adult who must now take
responsibility for making major decisions about big issues. Parents who
continue to be a huge part of their child’s college decisions and life have
earned the sobriquet of helicopter parents. They may call a professor
or dean about a particular grade, stop by weekly to clean their child’s
room (really—we did not make this up!), or choose a child’s classes
and schedule. Other parents have been slowly letting go, sensing that
college will be the last stop for their child to make some mistakes,
recover, and learn—but with a parental safety net available.
Likewise, some students will have difficulty thinking and acting
on their own, especially if they’ve not been given the opportunity to
develop and refine those skills growing up. Other students who’ve
increasingly made their own decisions—and sometimes had their world
come crashing down as a result—may ask for an opinion. More likely,
they’ll want to think out loud, which is definitely not the same as ask-
ing for an opinion. Sometimes, your child will simply announce the
decision after the fact.
These issues include:
•â•¢ Handling homesickness. It’s real and just because a student is
gifted doesn’t mean homesickness won’t happen.
•â•¢ Choosing a major. Gifted students often have multipotentialities,
which can make choosing just one major tough.
•â•¢ Transferring. It often takes gifted students longer to find their
niche, so they may wonder whether they are in the right college.
•â•¢ Dropping out. For some, college is the first time they’ve been
challenged, and when the going gets rough, this becomes an
option.

It’s hard to stand by and watch. But consider what Austin Hudson,
Mississippi State University, Starkville, told us: “The toughest lesson
(first year) is learning to be responsible for yourself when your parents
aren’t there to pick you up when you fall down.”
That is, truly, when independent decision making emerges.
 Part III
Diversity
by Jennifer L. Jolly

G
iftedness often is viewed one-dimensionally. Lack of
thought past the intellectual characteristics this label pro-
vides disregards the vast array of diversity that gifted chil-
dren represent, gifted children often are lumped into one
homogeneous category. By acknowledging and understanding the
diverse experiences and backgrounds that embody gifted children, par-
ents and educators can provide academic and social-emotional experi-
ences that better meet their needs. This section includes chapters that
examine giftedness in terms of race and ethnicity, socioeconomic status,
gender, learning disabilities, mental health issues, institutionalized
youth, home backgrounds, and life experiences. These three chapters
provide parents and educators with ways to address diversity of varied
types by providing practical advice and strategies.
In the first chapter, Joan Franklin Smutny reinforces once again
that parents provide the example for children to follow in order to
respond to people and situations that are different from the norm.
Smutny provides the following five guidelines: (a) be a model in word
and deed, (b) share your experiences with diversity, (c) nurture accep-

119
120 parenting gifted children

tance of your children’s difference, (d) draw on your children’s interests,

and (e) involve your children in outreach experiences.
In “Looking for Gifts in All the ‘Wrong’ Places,” Ken McCluskey
examines talent development in underachievers, First Nation students,
disadvantaged and at-risk youth, special education students, incarcer-
ated youth, and those suffering from mental health issues—students
not typically referred or identified for gifted education services. He
encourages parents and educators to “reframe our thinking” in order to
not deny or delay talent development for this “vulnerable” population.
Jean Peterson’s “Parents as Models: Respecting and Embracing
Differences,” tells the stories of 10 students who at first glance fit the
profile of gifted and talented students or “this ostensibly homogenous
group,” but on further examination represent an array of “diversity
within.” Peterson challenges parents to consider whether these students
would be a welcome friend for their own child and how they react to
“differentness.” She suggests rather than solely concentrating on what
makes us different, we also should identify commonalities that draw us
together. Also parents can model self-respect and respect, rather than
tolerance, for differentness.
While reading these chapters, these are some questions you may
want to keep in mind:
•â•¢ In what ways do I respond to “differentness”?
•â•¢ How is my own family/child diverse? And how does giftedness
make my child different or similar to his or her peers?
•â•¢ Is there advice from the authors that I already support or model
in my home?
•â•¢ Are there examples of persons who have overcome obstacles
that can encourage my child in the face of adversity?
 Chapter 13
Nurturing an Awareness and
Acceptance of Diversity in
Our Gifted Children
by Joan Franklin Smutny

B
ecause of their sensitivity and high potential, gifted children
often notice differences in culture, language, religion, ability,
and interest at an early age. Awareness of their own difference
is probably a contributing factor here, making them more sen-
sitive to those who feel outside the mainstream. A gifted third grader,
for example, will tend to empathize with a foreign student whom other
students ridicule for her accent, clothing, and manners. A fifth grader
in an advanced mathematics class will notice the small percentage of
girls in the class and ask if math is a boy’s subject. A gifted seventh
grader will understand global influences on poverty, such as the policies
of the World Trade Organization that discriminate against third-world
nations. Because of their awareness of diversity in all its complex-
ity, gifted children need support in navigating ethical questions and
understanding issues that their peers may not have to confront at all.
Whether your children are part of the mainstream American cul-
ture or are from a minority culture, are facing a learning disability, or
struggling with issues related to their gender, you can help create a
foundation of respect for and acceptance of diversity. Begin with what
your children already understand, sense, and intuit from their living
environment, culture, experiences, books, and cultural events. Look
at their comments, projects or hobbies, conversations, and their inter-

121
122 parenting gifted children

actions with other children. Examine what television programs they

watch, the books they prefer, the music they like, and the interests that
expose them to other kinds of people.

After we moved to the suburbs, I was concerned that my child

would lack the exposure that I had as a child to different kinds of
people. One day, though, my child’s friend made a comment about
the fact that there are a lot of Chinese girls in the school, but not
Chinese boys. My daughter quipped, “Well, of course, that’s because
in China they don’t want girls as much as boys and so they put them
up for adoption. At least they have a chance with their new families
here.” I never told her this and I was amazed that she grasped
the inequity of a system that values boys over girls and was utterly
accepting of these Chinese girls. But it also made me realize that
I had done nothing to foster this awareness and it made me wish I
had.—Mother of third grader

What surprises me is how kids can intuit things about other

people without anyone explaining anything. My son’s teacher told
me that during a game, my son had drawn a diagram of how the
game worked for a child with a verbal learning disability. She said he
somehow sensed that a drawing would help this student understand
the game better. When I asked my son about it, he said that the child
was artistic and could easily build things, and that’s how he got an
idea about making a diagram to help him.—Mother of fourth grader

My daughter grew up with two brothers. In our house she and

her brothers played with trucks, cars, dolls, and stuffed animals. She
grew up loving the outdoors and proudly told me that she planned
to become an environmentalist—a word she pronounced perfectly
at the age of five. But by second grade, she had started staying at
other girls’ homes. Trucks and airplanes lost their lure. She played
outside, but refrained from bending over to examine different plants
or stopping to listen to the birds. I couldn’t help feeling that she was
picking up other people’s ideas about what girls are supposed to
be.—Mother of third grader

I have a teenage boy who’s an artist. He wasn’t doing well

socially and I made the mistake of trying to solve the problem by
pushing him into a sport that I was coaching. When he met Gaurav
from India, a studious child as quiet and introverted as my son, I didn’t
 Nurturing an Awareness and Acceptance of Diversity 123

feel great about it because I felt this friendship would only make him
even more of an outsider. But since meeting this boy, my child has felt
less alone and more comfortable about himself. I was shocked when
he asked me if I would mind if he went to a party at Gaurav’s house
even though he’s Indian! I asked him why he would think that and he
said, “Because every time I ask you if I can go to his place you get
this look that makes me think you don’t like him. And since you don’t
know him, I figured it was because he’s Indian.” I had to really face
up to my own desire for my son to be more like me.—Father of ninth
grader

These parents all have concerns about how their children may be
affected by bias and intolerance. They wonder if they should introduce
the subject to their children and how they should do so. Knowing when
to speak and when not to, how much to say and how, depends on your
relationship with your children, their unique needs and abilities, and
on the situation at hand.
This article presents five guidelines for nurturing an open-minded
attitude and respect for diversity in your children.

1. Be a Model in Word and Deed

Gifted children are often highly sensitive to the attitudes of their

parents—both spoken and unspoken. Consider your own assumptions
about different cultures, the nature of boys and girls, people from
different economic backgrounds, those with handicaps or disabilities,
artistic or creative people versus science and math people, and so on.
Do you anticipate certain characteristics from people based on your
experience or the media stereotypes broadcast daily? Do you see ways
that you might have inadvertently imparted these to your children?
As you go through your day, watch what you say to your children
or in front of them. Remember that they are always listening. Even a
casual aside can be interpreted incorrectly and lead to potentially dam-
aging assumptions. If someone in your presence makes an insensitive
remark, point out the invalidity of the remark to that person. Your child
will see that he should not laugh along with a disparaging comment
124 parenting gifted children

My daughter and I were walking into the grocery store when a

homeless man wanted some money for food. I said that I would buy
something for him, but he just kept asking for money. At that point,
I told him about the local shelter that offers free meals for people
who need them and then walked into the store. I told my child, who
was watching very carefully, that I wanted to help the man but that
sometimes people asked for money for the wrong reasons—like
buying liquor. Later that day, she asked me how you know when a
person who asks for money really needs it and I liked the fact that she
had continued to think about the issue.—Father of second grader

My son told me that the class was working on a project with

partners and no one picked him. “Is it because I’m Korean?” he
asked (he’s the only Korean child in the class). I said that it’s probably
because he’s new and no one knows him very well, but inside, I felt
my heart break. We moved here from Seattle where my child knew a
lot of Korean children. Since that time, I’ve become more involved in
the school and I feel certain that the kids are pretty open‑minded. My
husband and I have all talked more about our Korean culture and that
America is a land of many cultures. This really helped our son. Now,
he has made friends with a couple of Caucasian students (science
students like himself) and an East Indian student as well.—Mother of
fifth grader

about another person’s appearance or difficulty. Most gifted children

tend to be sensitive to the feelings of others anyway, but they need the
example of adults to support their understanding of fairness and justice.
Lead by example. How do you behave around a blind person who’s
just asked you to help him get across an intersection? What do you do
when you and your child go to a Thai grocery store and a child tries to
talk to your child in Thai? If you are from a minority culture, do you
still embrace your cultural traditions, or do you emphasize adopting
American ones? Gifted children observe their parents closely and often
draw conclusions about different kinds of people based on what their
parents do in different circumstances. In some situations, you will need
to talk to your child about something that has just occurred.
 Nurturing an Awareness and Acceptance of Diversity 125

2. Share Your Experiences With Diversity

Tell stories to your children about your experiences with other

peoples—be they people from other cultures, other religions, and so
on. Children—especially gifted children—love hearing life stories
from their parents and often remember them into adulthood. Think
about your experiences and what they have taught you. How might
you impart these to your children? The following are examples I have
heard from gifted students in a creative writing class:
•â•¢ My grandfather is blind and he always tells about how people
treat him like he can’t do anything. So I never treat blind
people like that. Sometimes being super nice to a person with
a handicap can be like an insult.—Eighth grader
•â•¢ My mom told me about how mean people were to her and her
sister because they were from Appalachia. Other kids called
them “white trash” and put garbage in their desks. She said
that they moved to another place that year and then they made
friends. No one cared about their accents or the fact that they
didn’t have the coolest clothes.—Sixth grader
•â•¢ My dad did some work in Guatemala and his stories of what he
saw there were amazing. He told me about the poverty and the
culture and how the police treated the Indians. All that really
made me see what we have here and also made me want to be
nice to other kinds of people. He always says, “Never say we’re
poor. We live in an apartment, but we’re much better off than
most Guatemalans.” I’ll always remember that.—Fourth grader

In sharing with young children, help them to see that it’s fine to
notice differences between themselves and others. Many of us have
had the experience of shrinking in horror as our child makes a loud
statement about someone in earshot such as, “Mom, what’s wrong
with that man with the stick?” Or, “How come those people wear such
funny clothes?” Instead of shushing your child and dragging her into a
corner (which only confuses her or makes her feel she’s done something
wrong), be prepared to respond with such explanations as:
126 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ “He has a stick because he can’t see very well and the stick stops
him from bumping into things.” or
•â•¢ “Yes, their clothes are different; aren’t they beautiful? People
wear many different kinds of clothes.”

3. Nurture Acceptance of Your Children’s Differences

An essential part of nurturing acceptance of others is helping your

children accept and even enjoy their own differences. Gifted children
who feel at peace with their own individuality will be open and accept-
ing of what makes others unique. Consider ways you as a family can
encourage acceptance of your children’s differences. You can include
such areas as:
•â•¢ family interactions;
•â•¢ points of view;
•â•¢ different likes/dislikes;
•â•¢ preferences in food, music, or clothing; or
•â•¢ interests and activities.

Families can challenge stereotyped views the children have picked
up from the media, school, friends, and each other about what boys
or girls are supposed to be, what different races are like, what’s cool or
not cool, and what hobbies or interests they should pursue.

4. Draw on Your Children’s Interests

Use what your children love to do as a catalyst for exploring other

cultures, lands, and peoples. Gifted children quickly overcome differ-
ences in appearance, language, religion, or culture when they’re focus-
ing on their interests. It is not uncommon for high-ability students to
feel more kinship with their counterparts in another culture, religion,
or language group than peers in their own community. In our Project
Program (under the auspices of the Center for Gifted at Nationalâ•‚Louis
University), students in grades 6 to 10 from both the suburbs and city of
 Nurturing an Awareness and Acceptance of Diversity 127

Our one really tough family rule is that we do not make negative
comments about each other or other people. Criticism and intolerance
are deadly to self‑expression and self‑esteem and I think our kids know
this. “That’s really stupid” or “that’ll never work” or “you look weird”
don’t fly in our house. The home may get chaotic and messy at times
with everyone busy at different things, but we at least feel that our
kids will emerge as confident people who will be kind towards others
and not easily sabotaged. They’ve also become quick to notice when
a sabotage is going on in their own kid society and that’s fantastic
because this means they’re applying what they’ve learned in our
family to the world out there . . .—Father of three

Chicago participate in projects in the sciences, arts, and liberal arts.

The race, gender, socioeconomic background, and learning style of
the students shrink into the background as the children share their
knowledge and experience in laboratories, theater productions, writing
projects, and so on. Many of the Caucasian students from the suburbs
said that they felt enriched by mixing with young people from other
cultures and the urban students were surprised to discover how at home
they felt in classes with their more affluent peers.
The focus on a subject or interest area can provide new ways to
teach children about diversity. In the case of visual art, for example,
the technique of painting can lead to new insight. An art teacher had
this to share:

When I teach my kids about portraits, I show them how to mix

a range of skin tones and, in the process, they learn that all
skin tones are basically varying shades of brown. I always say
to the kids, “We’re all just different shades of brown and brown
is the combination of all the colors in the rainbow. “The kids
accept this without question. As we work on portraits, there’s
no talk of a black or white or Asian or Mexican person; but
only variations of the brown. Mixing paint can be a great way
to teach kids about skin tone that breaks out of our society’s
polarized concept of race.
128 parenting gifted children

The arts also give talented children a medium for exploring other
creative traditions. They could make a Chinese mask, play a game from
Africa, dramatize a story from a Native American civilization, or create a
dance to music from Central America. Using your local library, museum,
community center, and the Internet, you can easily locate materials that
will broaden your child’s exposure to other peoples, practices, and worlds.
A focus on your children’s interests will provide an avenue for them and
you to explore a wide range of traditions, ideas, and materials.

5. Involve Your Children in Outreach Experiences

Because their abilities make them more informed and more sensi-
tive to the plight of other people, gifted children frequently have a
strong commitment to making the world better. A mother once told
me that her 9â•‚yearâ•‚old daughter surprised her one day when shopping
for clothes and said, “Mom, have you noticed most of these clothes
say ‘Made in China’? We better make sure it’s not sweatshops.” Her
daughter would not rest until her mother inquired about the clothes.
When the clerk said she couldn’t say for sure, the girl would not let the
matter rest. She asked about it later that night and even the next day
said, “Mom, I just can’t wear this if it’s made in a sweatshop.”
It’s important for gifted children to feel that they can make a dif-
ference in the world. One way to give your children more exposure to
other peoples—especially those who may be in need, is to get them
involved in a service project. Some examples from real families follow:
•â•¢ Our church had this “familyâ•‚toâ•‚family” program, whereby we
could connect with a family in Mississippi in a community
where many people had lost their jobs. I jumped at the oppor-
tunity because it wasn’t about just sending a check. We wrote a
letter to the family and they wrote back and sent pictures. My
kids loved helping to find the right size shoes and clothes for the
children who needed them. After we gathered all of the items
we could, we packed up the box and enclosed letters from each
of us. This has become a longâ•‚term relationship during which
 Nurturing an Awareness and Acceptance of Diversity 129

time my gifted children have learned so many life lessons and

have become the voices of compassion in their own school.
•â•¢ One of the things that has made a huge difference with my
kids is a pen pal. I have a daughter who loves to write and she
has a pen pal from India. They are now connected through the
Internet and every day after school, she dashes upstairs to find
out if Sarita has sent her a message. Because of her connection
to Sarita, she has learned so much about India—the customs
of her friend’s people and political, economic, and social chal-
lenges in that country. My daughter has explored the Internet
for information she would ordinarily not seek out. It’s exciting
to see my child becoming a global thinker.
•â•¢ One of the challenges we have is keeping our children con-
nected to their own culture. My youngest son Tekle knows
little of Ethiopia, although he can speak the language. One
of the things my husband and I decided that has helped a lot
is to involve our family in an Ethiopian association that helps
newly settled refugees and immigrants. All three of my kids
have enjoyed helping people adjust to this country. We do
everything from teaching them how to shop for groceries to
helping them with English, organizing games for Ethiopian
children, and participating in fund drives. We love seeing our
children not only reconnect more with their own culture, but
be such active helpers for people who have such a desperate
need to be connected to a community.

A Final Note

By their nature, gifted children are open to learning about others.

They quickly grasp differences between people and, at the same time,
recognize that every person is an individual, unlike any other. As we
nurture this understanding and respect for individuality in our children,
they will become more at peace with who they are and embrace the
unique qualities that make all people different. Such a foundation will
130 parenting gifted children

go far in helping our children respect and honor what each individual
has to contribute in a world shared by so many peoples.

Resources

Books

Cortes, C. E. (2000). The children are watching: How the media teach about
diversity. New York, NY: Teachers College Press.
Eisenberg, B., Ruthsdotter, M., & National Women’s History Project. (1986).
101 wonderful ways to celebrate women’s history. Santa Rosa, CA: National
Women’s History Project.
Kindersley, B., & Kindersley, A. (1995). Children just like me: A unique celebra-
tion of children around the world. New York, NY: DK Publishing.
Smutny, J. F. (2003). Underserved gifted populations: Responding to their needs
and abilities. Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.

Products and Websites

Skipping Stones: An International Multicultural Magazine—http://www.

skippingstones.org
WeeBee Tunes Travel Adventure Set —http://www.geomatters.com/products/
details.asp?ID=235
 Chapter 14
Looking for Gifts in All the
“Wrong” Places
by Ken W. McCluskey

U
nfortunately, strengths and talents are frequently over-
looked, ignored, dismissed, or marginalized among young
people from several segments of society. While almost every-
one today pays lip service to the idea that talent has no racial,
cultural, or socioeconomic boundaries, opportunities still are not evenly
distributed.
Insofar as in-school enrichment goes, the playing field often has
been far from level. The late Dr. E. Paul Torrance observed that the
educational system often penalizes children whose values and attitudes
differ from those found in the dominant culture. Some researchers have
found that African-American, Hispanic, or Navajo students were sel-
dom nominated, yet alone selected, for gifted programs in some school
settings and that high-ability Native students seldom had opportunities
to hone their talents; indeed, their abilities often have been unnoticed
and unappreciated. Reports in the early 1990s suggested that partici-
pation by American Indian/Alaska Native students was less than one
fourth of that of other student populations.
It may not be possible to change attitudes and reform systems
overnight, but by becoming sensitive “talent scouts,” parents and edu-
cators can make a definite beginning in identifying emerging abilities
in children. Grover Young proposed several guidelines for talent spot-
ting, including searching constantly (every day) for special passions
and interests, staying alert over an extended period of time, designing

131
132 parenting gifted children

open-ended activities that allow hidden abilities to surface, behaving

like a detective gathering information and keeping a note pad on hand
to record observations.
However, the issue is not just, “How to look for talent effectively?”
but “Where to look?” To my mind, the answer is obvious: Everywhere!
As W. Somerset Maugham wrote,

There is no more merit in having read a thousand books than

in having ploughed a thousand fields. There is no more merit
in being able to attach a correct description to a picture than
in being able to find out what is wrong with a stalled car. The
stockbroker has . . . knowledge too, and so has the artisan. It
is a silly prejudice of [intellectuals . . . that theirs are] the only
ones that count.

We must seek out talent among all young people in all areas of human
endeavor, with breadth of vision. We would do well to consider edu-
cation as taking place within an ecosystem of learning. In addition to
schools and classrooms, education is influenced by what happens in
homes; at computers on the Internet; in community workplaces; in
churches, museums, and theaters; on athletic fields; and in correctional
facilities, youth homes, and health care centers.

Not All Gifts Come Nicely Wrapped

Our experience in Manitoba has convinced my colleagues and me

that talent, albeit often hidden, disguised, or dormant, will surface in
unexpected places. As a consequence, we believe it is critical to extend
our search well beyond the usual settings to encompass the following
(frequently overlapping) populations.

1. Disconnected Underachievers

High-ability individuals don’t always show their talents at school,

and many end up leaving or being “pushed” from the system. A survey
 Looking for Gifts in All the “Wrong” Places 133

by Statistics Canada some years ago indicated that only 8% of school

dropouts in the country mentioned academic problems as their reason
for quitting; more than 30% had been maintaining A or B averages
before exiting. Obviously, many left who should not have been lost.
Dr. Jean Peterson has highlighted in her research how decidedly few
enrichment opportunities are offered for one group of potential drop-
outs—the “tough bright.” In some instances, their life situations make
the school curriculum virtually irrelevant.
Lost Prizes, a shared project initiated by three school districts in
our province, was designed to “reclaim” at-risk, talented high school
dropouts (see the McCluskey, Baker, O’Hagan, & Treffinger, 1995,
listing in this chapter’s References section for more information). Their
talents notwithstanding, the youth in question were producing virtually
nothing. At best, they were floating aimlessly; at worst, they had run
far afoul of the law. Several had serious substance abuse problems. The
intent was to reconnect with these individuals, awake dormant creative
potential, and motivate them to do something more productive with
their lives.
During the first phase of the program, a facilitator worked directly
with the participants in an off-site classroom setting. The classes fea-
tured information sessions (on anger management, learning styles, non-
verbal communication, and the like), career exploration, and Creative
Problem Solving (CPS) training. Using CPS tools, the reengaged stu-
dents learned to make reasoned educational, career, and life decisions
and considered how to move from their “current reality” to a “desired
future state.” Individual Growth Plans were mapped out to help identify
and work toward goals. In the second phase, students gained experience
in the world of work through on-the-job placements. More specifically,
they had an opportunity to encounter and resolve some real-life prob-
lems with caring, philanthropic mentors in the business community.
Ryan Gauthier has shared his “From Downâ•‚andâ•‚Out to
Upâ•‚andâ•‚Coming” story in a number of presentations and publications
(e.g., his 1999 publication in Reclaiming Children and Youth: Journal of
Emotional and Behavioral Problems). As a child, he had been nothing but
trouble in school. By junior high, he was involved in various criminal
activity (assault, robbery, and breakâ•‚andâ•‚enter offenses) to support
134 parenting gifted children

his drug habit. After spending the greater part of his adolescence in
and out of the local youth center (mostly in), Ryan decided to take a
different path after his stepfather was killed in an alcoholâ•‚related car
accident. It wasn’t easy. However, Ryan’s artistic talents were recog-
nized and celebrated in the Lost Prizes program, and he was one of
seven participants invited to present at the National Association for
Gifted Children conference in Tampa in 1995. After talking about
his life and displaying his art during the session, Ryan was inundated
with commissions and requests for his sketches. He summed up the
experience and the program by remarking: “This is a bigger high than
drugs.” Ryan went on to graduate from high school, to gain experience
in several responsible jobs, and to produce cover art and illustrations for
many books and magazines. During the journey, he “rebonded” with
his mother, who provided tons of encouragement and support. Now
married with three children, Ryan is currently attending college in
pursuit of his new goal: working with atâ•‚risk children and youth.
There were many Lost Prizes like Ryan, who—once their tal-
ents were identified, appreciated, and nurtured—turned their lives
around. To be precise, over the 3â•‚year life of the project, 57 of the 88
participants (64%–77%) responded by returning to high school, enter-
ing postsecondary programs at a university or community college, or
obtaining employment (two now own their businesses). Not bad for
formerly troubled and troubling ne’erâ•‚doâ•‚wells.

2. Children and Youth Not of the Dominant Culture

As mentioned earlier, schools often find it difficult to meet the

needs and develop the talents of children from minority groups. In
Canada, we are struggling to address the plight of one group in par-
ticular—Native students. However, to do so effectively demands that
we take into account their cultural beliefs and values. In contrast to the
goals of many in today’s dog-eat-dog, look-out-for-number-one world,
traditional Native teachings tend to place sharing and generosity above
materialistic gain. And in contrast to the oftâ•‚used linear approach to
pedagogy, such teachings emphasize a holistic, circular style. It is essen-
tial that parents and teachers recognize and validate these differences.
 Looking for Gifts in All the “Wrong” Places 135

The track record with Aboriginal students (First Nations Native,

Inuit, and Métis—those of mixed ancestry) in our province has not
always been strong. In an attempt to do better, the tridistrict part-
ners embarked upon another venture, Northern Lights, targeting at-
risk Aboriginal school dropouts and nonattenders. In most ways, the
program mirrored Lost Prizes, with the in-class CPS training and
the work placement phases. However, this time around, we found it
necessary to add a substantial cultural component, to hire Aboriginal
social workers and educational assistants to reach out to participants
and their families, and to deal with the incursions of Native youth
gang recruiters. Once these variables were addressed, the results were
again powerful, with 38 of 58 (65%–52%) of the youth returning to
school, being admitted into postsecondary programs, or entering the
workforce on a full-time basis.

3. Disadvantaged Young People

The term at-risk student became popular soon after America

was identified as a “nation at risk” by the National Commission on
Excellence in Education. According to many sources, risk factors
include being poor, transient, male, of minority group status, and com-
ing from a separated family. However, if I were a Native single parent
mother of a 10-year-old son living in poverty in the inner city, I might
not think all that highly of this definition. Clearly, for those trapped
in unfortunate life circumstances, this view is extremely pessimistic
and, since it ignores or masks variations within groups, limiting. Some
youngsters from affluent two-parent families are very much at risk. And
I know several economically disadvantaged, single Native mothers who
have created loving, caring, and supportive homes for their children,
where school is deemed critically important, where identification and
development of childhood talent is a priority, and where appropri-
ate, socially responsible behaviors are modeled in exemplary fashion.
Children from such homes may have challenges to deal with, but they
are not necessarily at risk for school or other types of failure.
Dr. Richard Curwin has made the point that it is what parents
and children do, not their ethnic background or where they live, that
136 parenting gifted children

determines the degree of risk. The behavior, rather than the situation,
is the key—and behavior can be changed. Perhaps it has been too easy
to take a deficit rather than a strength-based approach when dealing
with certain kinds of children. We might do well, particularly with
hitherto marginalized populations, to consider possibilities rather than
problems and talent development rather than remediation.

4. Special Education Students

Some children with special needs become known for their disabili-
ties rather than their abilities. To counteract that tendency, learning dis-
ability associations across the continent send out considerable literature
about “disabled” students who have made good. Similarly, Dr. Bonnie
Cramond—in her intriguing work exploring possible links between
ADHD and creativity—has referred to biographical accounts of “prob-
lem” individuals who have achieved eminence. Borrowing indiscrimi-
nately from this and a variety of other sources, here are some examples:
Einstein and Churchill were, to put it politely, far from stellar students;
Henry Winkler, along with many other actors, has had to cope with a
serious learning disability; Edison’s teacher described him as “addled”
and incapable of benefiting from school; Samuel Johnson was described
as being in “perpetual motion;” and Pope Leo X said that Leonardo
da Vinci would “never accomplish anything” because “he thinks of the
end before the beginning.”
My wife and I have a firsthand illustration. Our daughter Amber,
a classic ADHD person if ever there was one, caused us no end of grief
during her early years. By the time she reached 9 years old, she had been
diagnosed from various quarters as exhibiting “schizophrenic tenden-
cies,” “severe learning disability,” “functional illiteracy,” and eventually
“profound ADHD.” One principal described her as “the worst child in
the school district.” Obviously, as parents, we were incredibly worried
and depressed. Then something happened that caused us to look at
Amber differently.
Discouraged, we decided to drive for a family holiday in Mexico
City (where we had some accommodating friends who were always
willing to put us up for a couple of weeks). Our hyperactive young-
 Looking for Gifts in All the “Wrong” Places 137

ster fit in without much trouble. Amber clearly relished the luxurious
environment in which we found ourselves and made friends, quickly
and for the first time in her life. Our host summed it up wisely: “You
Canadians and Americans. You’re robots. This girl is alive! She’s like
us!” The stay was enjoyable and invigorating. The Sunday prior to our
return, all members of both families decided to head out to the market
for a souvenirâ•‚hunting expedition. Amber, in an uncharacteristically
subdued tone, surprised us by asking to stay back—a marked change in
routine from someone who always wanted to be out and about. Because
Sunday is, by tradition, the maids’ day off, only one elderly cook was
to remain behind.
This compassionate soul graciously volunteered to babysit, and we
acquiesced. Naturally, we should have known something devilish was
afoot. Somehow, our 9-yearâ•‚old had acquired enough Spanish during
the brief visit to search through the Mexican telephone directory in
our absence, identify a beauty salon, put in an “emergency” call, and
make herself understood. Upon our return, we found that Amber had
ordered a bevy of beauticians to the home. They were all busily engaged
in doing her hair, the works!
After that episode, we set about recognizing—and redirecting—our
daughter’s talents. And, with time and fineâ•‚tuning, the weaknesses have
become strengths. Now a successful young adult, Amber is excelling and
showing exceptional talent in her work with children. It’s helpful that
there’s not a child born on the face of this Earth who can wear her out.
And Amber brings her energy into her own parenting: She is the only
mother we’ve known who would wake the babies up to play!

5. The Institutionalized

There are many examples of talent bursting forth from institutions.

Kenneth Donaldson was committed, wrongly, for more than 15 years
to a state mental hospital. Insisting all the while that he was sane, he
wrote a book during his institutionalization, Insanity Inside Out, which
helped secure protection for the rights of mental patients. And Janet
Frame, the poet and novelist from New Zealand, was diagnosed as
schizophrenic, placed in a mental institution, and subjected to many
138 parenting gifted children

rounds of electroshock “therapy.” A scheduled lobotomy was canceled

only after her first novel won an international literary award.
Like Ryan Gauthier, many young people with talent—whose paths
to legitimate goal attainment are essentially blocked—look instead in
unsavory directions. And, as unpalatable as it may be, it takes consid-
erable ability to become a successful criminal or member or leader of
a youth gang. Waln K. Brown, himself a former incarcerated delin-
quent who went on to earn a Ph.D. from an Ivy League university, has
examined the cases of several talented and resilient individuals who
beat the odds. For example, Warren Rhodes has chronicled his story
of dropping out of school, gang involvement, shooting a friend, near
death from a drug overdose, and jail time, and then his personal and
academic rebirth culminating in a doctorate. His book, From the Jail
House to the White House, was written after Rosalyn Carter invited him
to Washington to speak about his life. Along similar lines, Phil Quinn
discussed his odyssey through the child welfare system and foster care
in his book Cry Out and his life in a motorcycle gang in Renegade Saint.
And, looking further into the past, Huddie Ledbetter, or Leadbelly, the
noted blues musician, did much of his song writing (which included
“Good Night Irene” and “Midnight Special”) from a jail cell.
My coworkers and I also have some direct experience with Native
Canadian inmates incarcerated in Manitoba jails for drug offenses,
fraud, breaking and entering, assault, physical or sexual abuse, or even
murder (as a juvenile). Truly, it would be difficult to find a population
more at risk. In all, 31 prisoners (27 male; 4 female) took part in Second
Chance, yet another project featuring Creative Problem Solving, career
awareness, and work experience (as part of prerelease training). After
these inmates had “done their time,” completed the program, and been
released into society, they were monitored for a year to see if they would
“go straight” or run afoul of the law once more. Members of a matched
group of Native offenders—from the same home reservations as our
participants—also were monitored over the same period. Individuals
in this control group, however, were simply warehoused through the
correctional system in the traditional manner and left to fend for them-
selves upon release. That is, unlike their Second Chance counterparts,
they received no prerelease support whatsoever. Recidivism during
 Looking for Gifts in All the “Wrong” Places 139

the follow-up year was 90.32% (28 of 31) for the unsupported control
group, but only 38.71% (12 of 31) for our “second chancers.” While
the distressingly high rate of reoffending in the nontreated group is an
indictment of our present judicial and penal systems, the results sug-
gest that promising alternatives—emphasizing a talent development
approach—are worthy of serious consideration. Importantly, a progress
review of Second Chance participants a decade later showed that the
recidivism rate held firm—the former inmates had turned their lives
around and kept them turned around.

So Let’s Get To It

John Seita is another reclaimed atâ•‚risk youth who has gone on

to a life of academe, service, and advocacy for the disadvantaged. In
their 1996 book, In Whose Best Interest?, Seita, Mitchell, and Tobin
asserted that atâ•‚risk children and youth will be more likely to develop
resilience and overcome adversity if they are provided with what he
termed CCDO during their formative years. The letters refer to con-
nectedness—children need to belong and be attached to someone or
something; continuity— they must have that sense of security over the
long term; dignity—for selfâ•‚efficacy to grow, children need to feel they
are important to others; and opportunity—they must have a chance to
experience success, build confidence, and recognize and develop their
abilities. Far too many disadvantaged, vulnerable young people don’t
get that chance. The true cost of talent delayed or denied is virtually
impossible to discern. What is the cost of a symphony unwritten, a
cure not discovered, a breakthrough not invented? In today’s complex
world, and in preparing for tomorrow’s certainly more complex one, we
can scarcely afford such waste of talent capital and human potential.
We must, as parents and educators, change attitudes and reframe
our thinking. Talent is not the sole province of “teacher pleasers” and
other compliant children. Black sheep, annoying nonconformists, the
disadvantaged, and children from markedly different cultural back-
grounds have much to offer. And without doubt, negatives in childhood
can evolve into great positives in later life: it is a small step from stub-
140 parenting gifted children

bornness in early years to determination in adulthood, from off-the-

wall behavior to creative thinking, and from unfocused daydreaming
to productivity and inventiveness. Let us, therefore, expand our search
and give all young people an equal opportunity to have their talents
recognized and nurtured.

Resources

McCluskey, K. W., & McCluskey, A. L. A. (2001). Understanding ADHD:

Our personal journey. Winnipeg, MB: Portage & Main Press.
McCluskey, K. W., & Treffinger, D. J. (1998). Nurturing talented but troubled
children and youth. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 6, 215–219, 226.

References

Cramond, B. (1995). The coincidence of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

and creativity. Storrs: University of Connecticut, The National Research
Center on the Gifted and Talented.
Gauthier, R. (1999). From down-and-out to up-and-coming. Reclaiming
Children and Youth: Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Problems, 7,
197–199.
McCluskey, K. W., Baker, P. A., O’Hagan, S. C., & Treffinger, D. J. (Eds.).
(1995). Lost prizes: Talent development and problem solving with at-risk
students. Sarasota, FL: Center for Creative Learning.
Seita, J., Mitchell, M., & Tobin, C. L. (1996). In whose best interest? One child’s
odyssey, a nation’s responsibility. Elizabethtown, PA: Continental Press.
 Chapter 15
Parents as Models:
Respecting and Embracing
Differences
by Jean Sunde Peterson

L
et me first introduce some students I have known. As you read,
try to picture them in your mind and consider whether you would
welcome them as your child’s friend at the grade level indicated
or at any other. Consider, too, whether they would have been a
good fit in the gifted program in your child’s school. These are real
students, but their names have been changed.
James was a bright, sensitive second-grader, a significant presence
in his classroom. His engaging personality drew his classmates to him,
and his teachers were amazed at his capabilities. His parents actively
cheered his accomplishments.
Gabriel was a handsome, articulate sixth-grader, who had first
been identified as “gifted” in third grade. He actively participated in
class discussions, interacted intelligently with his teachers, and tuned
in to his classmates.
Sara was elected to the student council in ninth grade, glad for an
opportunity to be a leader. Her scores on standardized tests were at the
98th percentile, and she was a serious student. She was tall and attractive.
Tristan, as a sophomore, had already conducted maze-type experi-
ments with his pet rat at home, and he dreamed of becoming a behav-
ioral psychologist. He eagerly invested in Future Problem Solving and
appreciated the camaraderie there.

141
142 parenting gifted children

Tina, also a sophomore, had had nothing but A’s during her school
years. She was attractive, was attentive in class, and was appreciated by
her teachers. Her standardized scores on achievement and ability tests
were at the 99th percentile. She had a gifted boyfriend.
Mike was a superstar in the theater department of his large high
school, having played several leading roles. Not shy, he was well known
among his peers, had many friends, and had long been a stalwart in
the gifted program.
Tiffany sustained her straight A average as a senior, was active in
band and choir, and had participated in a gifted program since her early
elementary years. Her parents felt grateful that she had been easy to
raise and was so successful in school.
Devon, a senior, was widely regarded as one of the brightest stu-
dents to have gone through his high school in several years. A gifted
musician, he was valued by his orchestra peers, and his team competed
well in academic competitions.
Josh, Devon’s classmate, wasn’t as well known as Devon, partly
because he had limited his activities to science, but his instructors were
in awe of his brilliance and foresaw a great future for him.
These nine gifted individuals probably fit the stereotype of “gifted
kids.” Everyone except James, who had not yet experienced them, also
scored well on standardized tests, the kind that are commonly used
for identification for gifted programs. In addition, all had experienced
success in some area of school life. If giftedness translates to good
student in your school district, then these individuals appear to fit into
that frame. Depending on how much you value talent, school fit, and
“being a good kid,” you might have no objection if your child claimed
any of these individuals, as described, as a good friend. As a group,
these nine appear to be quite similar to each other.
This article could now move easily toward a focus on how impor-
tant it is to find mind-mates for some of these bright children. Or on
common stressors in the lives of stereotypical gifted students and how
gifted students deserve attention to social, emotional, and general
developmental concerns at school. Or on whether ability predicts future
success. Or on giftedness across cultural groups, especially as related
to identification procedures, since these individuals all came from the
 Respecting and Embracing Differences 143

dominant culture in the United States. These are certainly topics worth
discussing. But that is not my plan here.

Diversity Within

This article will instead explore the diversity within this ostensibly
homogenous group. On closer examination, the students described
earlier represent considerable diversity. Stereotypes of any group unfor-
tunately ignore important individual differences and miss idiosyncratic
strengths, needs, and concerns. Here, I will simply use one familiar
stereotype to make a point. Gifted education teachers need to beware
of creating program curricula based on inappropriate general assump-
tions about students to be served. Parents, too, can be cautious as they
determine what is “good,” “acceptable,” and even “gifted” based on
faulty assumptions about individual students. Let me continue my
introduction of the nine students.
James had cerebral palsy, his speech was difficult to understand,
and he required a paraprofessional to assist him with all aspects of his
school life and personal care. James laboriously dictated his schoolwork
to his “para” (paraprofessional).
Gabriel was on medication for ADHD and carried items with him
to fiddle with in classes so that he could contain his hyperactivity. He
also had been kidnapped by his father as a child, starved, and kept in
a closet for punishment.
Sara’s parents had each experienced several marriages, and Sara
and her many siblings, products of these marriages, had experienced
various blended families. Sara’s current family moved often, sometimes
because rent was due. The last house they lived in could have been in
a blighted urban environment; yet it was in a Midwestern town of less
than 20,000. After student council members repeatedly ignored her
comments, she dropped out of that activity, discouraged and believing
that her lifelong dream of college had been unrealistic.
When a social worker made a home visit after Tristan had missed 2
weeks of school, they found him ill with untreated pneumonia, wrapped
in sheets that had not been washed in months, with no food in the
144 parenting gifted children

refrigerator, and parents unresponsive after crashing from a metham-

phetamine high.
Tina had been a victim of incest, one of several victims across gen-
erations in her family. Her boyfriend was emotionally and physically
abusive. Achievement was the only aspect of her life that she could
control. A failed suicide attempt finally brought attention to her pain.
Mike was gay, and, unlike most gay youth, he had been unabash-
edly open about his sexual orientation since ninth grade. In spite of
being repeatedly bullied and traumatized over several years, he had
achieved a level of confidence that allowed him finally to be himself
at school. He surrounded himself with outgoing friends and enjoyed
his stardom, even though a group of athletes continued to harass him.
Tiffany revealed a serious eating disorder to her gifted education
teacher during her senior year and, encouraged to seek help after her
discussion group for gifted students, interacted with a speaker on that
topic. She said, “I’ve done everything everyone wanted me to do all
my life. I’ve taken no risks, been on a narrow path that everybody laid
out for me. I’m realizing I don’t know who I am.”
Devon was one of the most significantly underachieving students
in his high school, to the consternation of teachers and parents alike.
He also suffered from depression.
Josh was a classic “nerd”—painfully shy, unassertive, intense, not
athletic, small, and a cartoonist’s dream. He helped administrators at
his high school set up a new computer system.

What Kind of Diversity Is Represented Here?

These individuals are not meant to represent any particular distri-

bution of categories in the gifted population. Because so many non-
stereotypical high-ability students are not identified for programs, and
because their ability potentially helps highly capable students mask
distress and even disabilities, it is difficult to know what exceptional
ability looks like, collectively. In spite of appearing at first glance to
be typical gifted students, the students I have introduced here are real
examples of bright, highly capable individuals who do not fit usual
 Respecting and Embracing Differences 145

definitions and are different—beyond the differentness inherent in

high ability.
In economic terms, Mike came from an upper middle class family.
James, Tiffany, Devon, and Josh were from middle class families. And
the families of Gabriel, Sara, Tina, and Tristan had low socioeconomic
status—coming from a different culture than the others, one could
argue. James had a physical disability, and Gabriel and Tiffany each
had a psychological disorder to wrestle with. Five others had experi-
enced severe depression. Gabriel and Tina had been traumatized, and
Tristan had suffered severe neglect at home. Four had experienced the
divorce of their parents. Mike was gay.
Are these typical gifted kids? They certainly were all good kids.
None used illegal drugs, all were respectful of adults, and they were
not assigned afterschool detentions. They were thoughtful, insightful,
and mature for their age. All had intense interests and were interesting
to talk with. All were physically attractive.
Yet most of them also were lonely. Whatever made them different
interfered with social ease and sometimes with social contact. Most
felt uncomfortable in school fairly often. Differentness precluded inde-
pendent socializing for James, made school an unsafe place for Mike
during middle and high school, gave Tina and Tiffany heavy secrets
to guard, meant a long period of isolation for Gabriel, kept Tristan
from inviting friends to his home, fed Devon’s and Sara’s depression,
and often isolated Josh. At some level, their extra layer of different-
ness was a problem. In many ways, because they were different, these
individuals were at risk for poor emotional and educational outcomes.
Healthy social and emotional development and comfort are important
to thriving during the school years, and these highly able students were
particularly challenged. Short- or long-term school success could not
be assumed. These kinds of differentness are not usually what come to
mind when educators and the media refer to diversity. Yet these dif-
ferences potentially affect all aspects of a gifted child’s life, certainly
including social comfort and academic success at school.
146 parenting gifted children

Differentness

Why are differences unsettling? Do they vaguely threaten us? Is it

simply that “different” children are unfamiliar? Perhaps their presence
challenges our assumptions, our values, and even our identity. Then,
too, we often do not move beyond first impressions based on a child’s
behavior or appearance. Differentness may in fact distract us, and we
may automatically see it as deficit. We may even steer our children away
from children who are different.
When there are differences, it is easy to miss even an individual’s
giftedness, because it may not be demonstrated in ways teachers are
trained to identify. My own research revealed that teachers routinely
identify as gifted children those who have good social skills, verbal
skills and verbal assertiveness, a strong work ethic, parents with good
reputations and involvement in school, and good behavior. Remember
that some children, at a certain time in their lives, might not be able
to demonstrate their talents and abilities in ways teachers expect to see
“gifts” revealed. These might be children with low English proficiency,
difficult family circumstances, or social discomfort in school, or chil-
dren from cultures that do not value “standing out.” Classroom teachers,
who often are the gatekeepers for programs when they are asked to
nominate students who have not been identified through initial screen-
ing, may then miss many who should be identified. Not only might they
not see a child’s abilities, but they also might not value some qualities,
prized in a child’s culture, that could enrich the classroom more than
their presence already does.
I argue that parents also may, intentionally or unwittingly, discour-
age their children from enriching their lives by seeking out different
classmates or neighbors. There is much to be learned from those who
are different—in addition to learning about them.

Parental Modeling

Parents model many behaviors for their children—a strong work

ethic, punctuality, trust, selfâ•‚care, healthy eating habits, concern for
 Respecting and Embracing Differences 147

the environment, service to community, frugality, interest in the news,

and involvement in a faith community, for instance. Similarly, of course,
parents can model selfâ•‚abuse, isolation, poor coping with stress, poor
work habits, antiauthority attitudes, distrust, and dangerous aggressive-
ness. What about parental modeling regarding diversity? Two parenting
behaviors come to mind.

Respect for the Self

When parents see their child as a separate individual, not just as an

extension of themselves, the child’s process of forging an identity and
moving toward a level of autonomy appropriate to a particular culture
is likely to be relatively smooth. When control of a child’s behavior or
future is not a white-knuckle issue, rebellion and defiance are probably
not so likely to occur. When adults do not use shame, intimidation, and
humiliation to control a child, respect is not translated as fear. When
appropriate sexual boundaries are honored, a child is not scarred for a
lifetime. When parents do not throw tantrums when their child mirrors
characteristics they do not like in themselves, they protect the child’s
sense of self. When parents remember to listen to their children, they
are more likely to learn about the inner life of their unique child, who
is, yes, separate from them. In other words, when parents respect the
“self ” of the child, they send a message that individuals differ from each
other, even within families, and that it is good to respect differences
including those in school peers who are quite different from them.
They also communicate that the eventual goal for adulthood, regard-
ing the family they came from, is separate, but connected—at a level
appropriate for cultural norms.

Respect, Not “Tolerance,” for Differentness

I have often recoiled at references to “tolerance” for differences,

whether in connection with culture and ethnicity, lifestyle, sexual ori-
entation, religious practices, or political persuasions. The implication
seems to be that if we can clench our teeth and hold our tongue, we
can “ put up with” people we do not like. I would like to vote for using
148 parenting gifted children

terms like respect and affirmation, instead of tolerance, when we speak

of differences.
We will probably continue to live in a world where we move too
easily into an us-versus-them mode, whether in our school, community,
country, or world. It will be increasingly important, given our intercon-
nectedness at each of these levels, for parents to send messages to their
children about respecting and valuing differences. Gifted children and
gifted families can lead, in this respect, just as they often have done in
the past, and help to make the world a better place. Parents can begin
to move in this direction even before their children enter elementary
school. Rather than setting tight limits on who is worthy of friendship,
parents can encourage their children to take a step past the differ-
ences of others and get to know peers like the nine introduced ear-
lier, even when their stories are known. Encouraging them to become
acquainted with peers who do not fit the “gifted” or “good” stereotypes
at first glance, and to stand up for those who are different, also can
send the message that respect for differences potentially enriches life.
Purposefully exposing our children to diversity and helping them to
see other perspectives will help them live and lead in the real world
now and in the future. Modeling nonpatronizing respect for diversity
in large and small ways, including in casual conversation about differ-
ences, can have a powerfully positive effect on a growing child.

Who Is “At Risk”?

I did not include Randall at the outset of this article. What if I

had included him in the group I introduced, rounding off the group at
10? He, too, was bright, with good self-presentation and social skills.
However, his behavior and his story, if known, might have given some
parents pause. After his parents divorced when he was 2, he lived with
his mother in another state. At 16, after becoming familiar to the
juvenile court system, he was sent to live with his father, who found
that trying to impose discipline on his angry son was not easy. There
were behavior problems when Randall first arrived at his new school.
About his father, he asked, rhetorically, “What right does he have to
tell me what to do when he hasn’t been in my life?”
 Respecting and Embracing Differences 149

Randall became a valued contributor in one of the discussion groups

for gifted adolescents that I facilitated. Discreetly and appropriately, he
articulated his sadness, anger, regrets, and insights. His gifted peers
were edified about life, feelings, and transitions. I learned later that by
age 22 he was doing well, by any measure. By affirming his gifts and
bringing him into contact with others with similar ability, the gifted
program had helped him through “a rough patch.” I was grateful that
his administrators, father, and teachers had not restricted him from
attending the weekly group discussions that he loved during the years
he received only “Ds” and “Fs.” He needed to be around mind-mates
who were not failing developmentally and academically. The other
group members benefited in many ways from the presence of this sensi-
tive, articulate, sad, and troubled adolescent.
His group epitomized the diversity within the stereotypes associ-
ated with giftedness. The comments of some of the underachievers
were the most insightful. I sometimes wondered if some of them, with
a poor fit at school, might be future agents of change in society. They
thought “outside of the box” and seemed less likely than the achievers
to ask for rides in order to avoid error. The verve of Randall’s group lay
in its diversity and the bonding that occurred because the emphasis was
on growing up, not competing. Bravado quickly disappeared. These
handsome, social students appreciated having a place to be complex,
diverse, human, and real.
Randall was clearly an at-risk child. But we might argue that
all gifted kids are somewhat at risk—not just in being different and
potentially misunderstood, but also in facing normal developmental
challenges and environmental stressors with somewhat unique sen-
sitivities. Maybe all will, at some time, face circumstances that are
unexpected, traumatic, or disabling in some way. No parent, no matter
how conscientious, can ensure that life will always be good and that
loved children will always be protected. Misfortune always reminds
us that we are all vulnerable—and interconnected. Through it we join
the human race, humbled.
Parents can help their gifted children understand that high ability
does not preclude unusual stressors. Giftedness also does not necessar-
ily mean precocious social or emotional development. Every child and
150 parenting gifted children

adolescent faces developmental challenges. Parents give their children

a gift when they convey, instead of deny, that commonality. My expe-
riences with 1,300 group sessions with gifted adolescents convinced
me that too many do not get that message. In fact, according to some,
parental messages seemed to focus largely on performance, not devel-
opment. Discovering developmental commonalities with diverse peers,
especially in the social and emotional realms, seems inevitably to ease
the tension inherent in the competitive school environment. Parents
who celebrate those connections model both respect for differences and
affirmation of shared human experiences and help their children to
function effectively in the larger world in the present and in the future.

Conclusion

That is how I will conclude. The 10 students I introduced earlier,

regardless of their cultural homogeneity, were quite diverse. They all
needed respect, friendship, and support during their school years. They
needed to feel connected to their peers and to their school. They needed
to feel valued for who they were at that point in their lives. Fortunately,
although at times they felt overwhelmed, they were all resilient. Some
had supportive parents, and others had the ability to engage at least
one adult advocate. A gifted program was an important support for
many of them.
Parents and programs hold a great deal of power, in terms of
encouraging or discouraging affirmation of strengths and of differ-
ences. When both parents and programs can affirm and embrace gifted
individuals who are coping with difficult circumstances and give them
support for developing their abilities and talents, the ripple effect can
be amazing. Even when students do, in fact, fit common stereotypes
of gifted, they can benefit when both commonalities and differences
are celebrated.
 Part IV
Programming Options
by Donald J. Treffinger

T
he 11 chapters in this section all deal with programming
options—activities or services that are essential for appropriate
and challenging learning and development for high-ability stu-
dents. In today’s world, we look beyond a single, one-size-fits-all
gifted program for all high-ability students. Instead, we recognize that
the school, the home, and the community are all partners in nurturing
students’ gifts and talents. In that partnership, we all share the goals of
bringing out the best in children and youth, engaging them in learn-
ing that is at once rigorous and supports their interests and passions,
and challenging them to aspire to new heights and to work creatively
in new directions. This section provides information and resources
that will help you as parents to be informed, proactive, and supportive
participants in that partnership, not only for your own children, but
for others in your community as well.
This collection of chapters span a broad array of topics, from
quality programming in the school setting to personalized program-
ming at home or in the community. The topics include acceleration,
differentiation, and talent development (often, but not exclusively
school-based concerns), creativity (a concern at home and in school),

151
152 parenting gifted children

enrichment through afterschool and summer programs, mentoring,

and homeschooling.
Stephen T. Schroth analyzes afterschool programs, identifying
three important factors that contribute to successful experiences. In
each of these areas, he poses two questions that parents can ask when
considering programs for their children. He also describes and gives
examples of several types of successful programs.
Two chapters examine the nature and benefits of mentoring experi-
ences and programs for high-ability students. Julia Roberts and Tracy
Inman provide answers to several fundamental questions: what is men-
toring, why do it, who needs to do it, how do you establish a mentoring
relationship, and what makes for a successful mentoring relationship.
Diane Nash, in “Enter the Mentor,” also addresses the nature and
benefits of mentoring, considers how to assess your child’s chances
of being mentored, and explains what mentors and mentees (students
working with a mentor) do together. She also describes several success-
ful mentoring programs with quite unique formats and approaches.
James J. Gallagher and Sandra Warren both address the nature
of educational acceleration and the factors parents should consider in
making an informed decision about acceleration for their children.
Gallagher describes several different accelerative approaches and their
benefits. He also offers four practical suggestions for parents to follow
as advocates for accelerative opportunities for their children. Warren’s
chapter recognizes that acceleration often is misunderstood by educa-
tors and parents, gives clear guidance about its rationale and importance,
and shares anecdotes from both parents and students. She identifies a
number of potential issues and concerns and offers practical suggestions
to guide parents in reaching a wise decision.
Two chapters on homeschooling, one by Lisa Rivero and the second
by Vicki Caruana, describe the nature, benefits, and issues relating to
parental provision of education for children outside the formal school
setting. They describe several potential goals and benefits of home-
schooling, including legal and policy concerns, curriculum and assess-
ment challenges and opportunities, and factors to consider in making
a decision. Both chapters consider the topic from both personal and
 Programming Options 153

professional perspectives and offer practical resources to guide parents

in investigating this topic.
Differentiation of instruction and talent development programming
are important concerns in many schools and school districts today, and
the next three chapters help to clarify these subjects, defining some of
the common professional “jargon” and offering insights into the par-
ents’ important role in effective programming. Joan Franklin Smutny
describes several practical, readily observable ways that differentia-
tion can occur in the classroom setting, focusing specifically on young
children, and uses statements from a variety of parents to illustrate the
value of those strategies and the ways in which parents can contribute.
Joyce VanTassel-Baska describes the importance of differentiation (and
the negative consequences of the school’s failure to differentiate). She
presents 13 features of appropriate curriculum options for high-ability
children, emphasizing ways that parents can contribute in each instance.
In “The Path From Potential to Productivity,” Nancy A. Cook, Carol
V. Wittig, and I describe four “levels of service” in an inclusive pro-
gramming approach. We offer examples of behaviors (both positive
and negative) for which parents can be alert and specific suggestions
of ways that parents can provide valuable opportunities for children at
each of the four levels.
Creativity, a common goal of gifted programming and a concern of
growing importance for educators, is the focus of two chapters in this
section. Courtney Crim explains the challenges of life with children
expressing their creativity at home and in school, gives examples of
some behaviors most and least typical of creativity, and offers several
strategies and resources supporting creativity at home.
Taken together, the chapters in this section will ask parents to
examine a variety of activities, experiences, programs, and resources
that will challenge high-ability students to discover, develop, and apply
their strengths and talents. As you are reading the chapters in this
section, think about how any of them might speak in a personal way
to your children’s strengths and talents. Do they describe activities
or services that your child is now receiving? Do they identify ways of
responding to your child’s unique characteristics and talents? Would
mentoring, accelerative options, or greater emphasis on creativity, as
154 parenting gifted children

examples, “light up” your child and create a platform for significant
growth? These chapters encourage thinking about giftedness and tal-
ents in your children in ways that focus on engagement in learning,
real-life thinking, problem solving, and productivity. They lead us to
think about opportunities and goals that extend beyond doing well
on high-stakes tests or building a grade point average and being the
first one to know “the right answer” that the teacher wants to hear. If
they are not part of the menu of services available to students in your
community, how might you become a catalyst for those to emerge in
your schools? Or might it be more rewarding and effective for you to
consider the possibility of a homeschooling option?
These are not easy questions, and there is no universal set of
responses that is appropriate for all high-ability students and their
families. Because every case is so distinct, along so many different
variables, the most important challenge for you is to learn more about
the kinds of conversations you, your children, and the schools in your
community should be having together. One of the greatest opportuni-
ties (and challenges) for education is to bring students, parents, profes-
sionals, and community members together in a dynamic effort to bring
out the best in our children. It does not diminish the importance of
that opportunity (but I believe it certainly enhances it) to observe that
the challenge it holds up for schools, homes, and communities is to be
places where we intentionally bring out the best in every learner.
 Chapter 16
Selecting Afterschool
Programs: A Guide for
Parents
by Stephen T. Schroth

A
n appropriate afterschool program can create magical inter-
actions between a child and learning. Afterschool programs
focus on a wide variety of options, with some programs
emphasizing academic pursuits, such as advanced mathemat-
ics or writing, while others stress development of talent in music, drama,
dance, or the visual arts. Regardless of program concentration, students
are able to focus upon areas of interest, study subjects that are not part
of the school curriculum, or discover ways that best fit their learning
profiles. Many students return to the same program year after year, with
this loyalty grounded in deep satisfaction with the offerings provided
and the opportunities for student growth. Such offerings frequently have
been sponsored in whole or in part by public school systems that sought
to provide both educational opportunities for students and a safe and
controlled environment for children whose parents work.
Unfortunately, recent budgetary problems in many states have
reduced funding schools receive. Federal mandates, including No Child
Left Behind, have focused attention on struggling students. Increased
assessment has disclosed that many struggling students lack even rudi-
mentary literacy skills. Faced with these issues, many school districts
have reduced funding for, or eliminated entirely, afterschool programs
that focus on enrichment activities. Parents with a gifted child facing

155
156 parenting gifted children

such a situation often attempt to augment, or, in some cases, solely

provide their child’s educational opportunities. Opportunities provided
within the home, of course, significantly contribute to a child’s progress.
Popular offerings for outside-the-home enrichment also are an option.
Such options include weekend classes, summer enrichment programs,
and specialized instruction in areas of interest. Indeed, such oppor-
tunities have multiplied in recent years, offered by a variety of sources
at an often-astounding cost. If you’re a frantic parent, faced with this
cornucopia of alternatives for your high-ability child or children, you
may feel immobilized by the array of choices available. What, then,
should you do? Enroll the child in the most readily available program?
Find the program attached to the most prestigious institution? Take
out a second mortgage to pay for it all? Do nothing?
Fortunately, if you are searching for an enriching opportunity
for your child, you can greatly expedite the process if you ask a few
important questions and look closely at a few key components of the
options offered. You might consider each option in light of its rigor,
appropriateness, and fascination for your child. Additionally, you will
seek an environment that ensures your child’s safety and speaks to his
or her passions. Those programs with a track record of success, of course,
can provide such an environment for a fee. Investigate less-expensive
options that exist close to home, too, especially for younger students or
older children just beginning to develop a new enthusiasm. Thinking
about your child’s needs in relation to various programs’ relative merits
will help clarify your decision-making process. Because each child’s
needs are unique, this article provides a framework through which to
examine the panoply of choices available.

Components of Successful Programs

Many factors influence the development of the whole child, includ-

ing family, community, friends, and relatives. A child’s external activi-
ties should thus support, or augment, the programs that he or she
experiences during the school day. Programs sometimes use a one-size-
fits-all approach when generating options for children, which overlook
 Selecting Afterschool Programs 157

Table 16.1
Key Questions for Parents to Ask When Looking at Programs

Questions for Parents

Focus of Program •â•¢ What are my child’s talents and interests?
•â•¢ Do we want to build upon existing talents or offer exposure
to new areas?
Quality of •â•¢ Is my child at a beginning, intermediate, or expert state of
Engagement development in his or her area of interest or talent?
•â•¢ How advanced are the available courses? What level
of supervision is provided? Are there other participants
of the same level?
Motivation for •â•¢ How much experience has my child had in his or her area
Learning of interest or talent?
•â•¢ How much extrinsic motivation does my child need at this
time to pursue his or her interest or talent?

each student’s unique strengths and needs. Far too many programs offer
a slick brochure, a prestigious setting, and little else. Look for programs
that pay attention to your child’s learning profile (that combination of
factors that influence how students learn best, including learning styles,
intelligence preferences, culture, and gender). Quality programs have
in common an emphasis on:
•â•¢ program focus,
•â•¢ quality engagement, and
•â•¢ motivation for learning.

Each of these should be present in any program for the develop-
ment of talent. Table 16.1 presents some key questions to consider for
each of these areas.

Program Focus

The needs of the whole child are differently defined and can be met
by various types of afterschool programs. Although a wide variety of
offerings can be deemed afterschool programs, gifted children’s parents
158 parenting gifted children

usually seek opportunities that offer academic enrichment and appeal

to special interests as divergent as opera or physics. Programs that allow
children to engage in recreational activities or belong to clubs also are
popular. Traditionally many afterschool programs have focused on a
child’s academic needs, which often included providing access to for-
eign languages, writing courses, poetry, or other classes not offered in
school. Developing a child’s recreational and cultural needs also has
been a popular option. The recreational category includes all activities
that are social and fun, such as athletics, but also chess clubs, scouting,
dramatic undertakings, and the like. Cultural events include music, art,
drama, and dance but can similarly be expanded to include woodwork,
fishing, and crafts. All options have something to offer.
When faced with the plethora of options available, many parents
are understandably uncertain and even confused regarding how to select
an effective and appropriate program for their child. It might be best
for you to focus on your reason for searching for such an option in the
first place—your child’s need for above grade level academic nurturance
or the opportunity to explore fields not offered at school. A potential
program for gifted students must thus, as part of its mission, develop
students’ athletic, artistic, or academic talents. Students finding the
right program for their needs and talents often are very satisfied. For
example, 8-year-old Jason was enrolled in the gifted program at his
suburban elementary school. While this meant that he met twice a
week with a gifted resource specialist, Jason’s parents wanted to develop
his interest in music, which was not addressed at his school. Enrolling
him at a music conservatory for Saturday lessons meant a 90-mile drive
each way, but the joy he showed at playing the violin was well worth it.
The program Jason entered clearly stressed the development of musi-
cal talent as its mission. At a minimum, prospective programs should
emphasize the goals for desired student development and growth in
their mission statement, their brochures, and their communications.
What to look for next depends largely on the age of the child, as needs
change as the student passes from early exposure to middle learning,
and finally, to perfection of skills (see Table 16.2).
 Selecting Afterschool Programs 159

Table 16.2
Developing Levels of Expertise

Early Exposure Middle Learning Perfection of Skills

Time Initiation to 2 years 2 to 6 years 6 or more years
Focus Introduction to field Progression to Expertise at a high
proficiency level of mastery
Location Near home (1 to 20 Regional (20 to 100 National (anywhere
miles) miles) in the country)
Cost Inexpensive Moderate Expensive
Motivation Extrinsic; positive Self-interest; Intrinsic;
reinforcement increased self-motivated
commitment

Quality Engagement

Any program must have quality adult supervision and leadership

to be effective. At an early age, or early in the development of a par-
ticular talent, the key role of the mentor, teacher, counselor, or troop
leader is to make learning fascinating and worthwhile for the child.
The programs that are most useful to children in the early stages of
development often are easily accessible, in that such programs are
plentiful, inexpensive, and easy to find. Early stage programs often
are provided by local schools, museums, or sporting facilities. These
programs make learning enjoyable and provide a great deal of positive
reinforcement. After several years of progress, the students, their par-
ents, family friends, an expert, or the initial teacher, may suggest that
even greater progress might be made with a more specialized program.
This new program is seldom located in the child’s neighborhood.
The new program frequently is some distance away, has a reputation for
developing talent in the field, charges a great deal for lessons, and is
selective about the students selected for tutelage. These new programs
often have a significant reputation in their field, and are affiliated with
orchestras, sporting facilities, or universities. Students are frequently
referred by friends or colleagues met during the early stage of develop-
160 parenting gifted children

ment. Marisol, for example, had participated in ice-skating at a local

center since the age of 4. When she was 9, her parents were told about
a more advanced summer program by her initial coach. The summer
program led to her meeting the coach who helped her prepare to com-
pete in the Olympics. While not all students will demonstrate this level
of devotion or enjoy this type of success, those who do progress to the
final stages of talent development seek a master teacher or coach, usu-
ally one recognized as being among the 10 best in the country. These
master teachers and coaches have reputations for developing great tal-
ent in their chosen fields. Students expend much effort and expense in
obtaining an interview or audition with the master teacher. The cost of
lessons is even more expensive. When finished with the master teacher,
the students themselves are recognized practitioners in the chosen field.

Motivation for Learning

Recognition from others, rewards, and acknowledgment from a

larger group of people often are essential during the early stages of tal-
ent development. Motivation of this type often assists learners in the
early stages to persevere and continue with learning. Status as being a
“special student” or “fast learner,” actual or perceived, also assists early
talent development. As learners move to a more mature stage, increasing
commitment to the chosen field is a symbol of this transition. Teachers
assist students in setting short- and long-term goals, and initiate the
student into the meaning and purpose of the field of study. Students
also begin to see how they could become a part of the talent field. As
more and more of the students’ friends come from the field of interest,
students begin to see themselves as athletes (i.e., sprinter or swimmer),
artists (i.e., painter or sculptor), or academics (i.e., historian or writer).
Motivation shifts from external to intrinsic. Finally, those pursuing
talent at the highest levels become responsible for their own motivation.
The students participate in public forums for objective prizes, such as
recitals, publication, or rewards. The students, as much as the master
teacher, evaluate their own performance and ways of improving prepa-
ration and effort. For example, Cesár, a precocious math whiz, went to
 Selecting Afterschool Programs 161

math camp at age 8 mainly because he liked socializing with the other
campers and enjoyed the trophy he received for participating. After sev-
eral summers of this, Cesár began to identify with the counselors and
instructors at the camp, many of these were former campers. Cesár ulti-
mately pursued college-level calculus while still in middle school based
upon his love for the subject. Intrinsic motivation thus typically evolves
over time and follows a period in which the child is encouraged to par-
ticipate. Cesár’s evolution to an intrinsically motivated mathematician
thus came after a period when extrinsic rewards drove his interest.

Program Options

This article focuses on those searching for outlets to develop their

children’s talent at an early level, which can be expressed as any point
from early elementary school through the beginning of high school.
The reason for this emphasis is simple; those with children further
along in the process have, by virtue of their exposure to the programs,
more contact to the next steps necessary. But where to begin? The
focus needs to be on programs that focus on the academic, artistic,
or athletic development of the student. Additionally, and especially
with academic programs, there should be an emphasis on higher order
thinking skills, such as application, analysis, synthesis, and evaluation.
An emphasis should be placed upon both process and content, so that
students develop creative thinking and problem-solving skills while
also becoming familiar with subject matter through the projects and
activities by which the processes are developed. Places where such
development is available include Saturday programs, summer programs,
academic competitions, and other local resources.

Saturday Programs

Saturday programs offer the attractive enticement of allowing

gifted students the chance to interact and work with others away from
the routines and pressures of the regular school setting. Usually taught
in the form of seminars, discussion groups, or mini-classes, Saturday
162 parenting gifted children

programs allow in-depth coverage of one or several topics of intense

interest to the student. College professors, graduate students, master
teachers, or museum or symphony orchestra members or staff teach
such classes. Teachers, both those who work in the regular classroom
or in-school gifted programs, often are a good source of information
about such programs. Music and art teachers also may know of pro-
grams related to their specialties of which others are unaware. Such
programs often are advertised in local papers and at community art
centers, as well as at the host institutions themselves. Parents will want
to investigate the qualifications and experience of the teachers leading
the sessions, as well as talk to parents whose children have participated
in previous years.

Summer Programs

Summer programs usually constitute two distinct varieties, those

sponsored by universities and those that are sponsored by art muse-
ums, music conservatories, and other cultural institutions. University
sponsored programs often are residential in nature and offer the
students an opportunity to explore in depth a subject of interest to
them. Many prominent universities, such as Stanford, Johns Hopkins,
Northwestern, Purdue, and the University of Virginia offer such pro-
grams for gifted students on an annual basis. Many art and music
organizations, as well as some universities, also sponsor music, art, and
language camps to build individual skills. Examples of such programs
include the Interlochen Center for the Arts, the Pueblo Opera Program,
the Peabody Institute, and the Tanglewood Music Festival. Although
many art and music programs are not specifically geared toward the
gifted, the process of self-selection often ensures a high level of bright,
motivated students keenly interested in a particular area.
Although ivy-laden quadrangles or sylvan settings may bedazzle
students, one special area of concern to many parents will be the level
of supervision a particular program offers. In these uncertain times,
many parents have legitimate concerns about the safety of their children
when away from home, especially if this is the first time. It is essential
that parents ascertain the level of security and supervision the program
 Selecting Afterschool Programs 163

demands. There is a difference between the option of adult-supervised

activities and the requirement that students take part. Parents should
choose a program that mirrors their own philosophy of parenting.

Academic Competitions

Many students enrich their school experience through involvement

in an academic competition. Although school budget cutbacks and test-
ing pressures have threatened many programs, parents often can spon-
sor such activities as an afterschool endeavor. These activities can be
team-oriented or individual in nature. Some options among the many
available include the Academic Decathlon, Destination ImagiNation,
the Future Problem Solving Program, Mock Court, and Odyssey of
the Mind. Academic Decathlon is a high school program that features
competitions between teams from different schools. The teams are com-
posed of two A, B, and C students in the 11th and 12th grades. Teams
compete against schools of a similar size in areas such as mathematics,
physical science, social studies, fine arts, essay writing, and conversation
skills. Destination ImagiNation and Odyssey of the Mind also fea-
ture competitions between teams, but focus more on building creative
thinking, problem solving, self-confidence, and self-image. Divided
into three age classifications, roughly mirroring elementary, middle,
and high school, Odyssey of the Mind and Destination ImagiNation
teams each include seven students, only five of whom compete in formal
competitions. Founded by a creativity pioneer, the late E. Paul Torrance,
the Future Problem Solving Program seeks to stimulate critical and
creative thinking and problem-solving skills and encourages students to
develop a vision for the future. Mock Trial is designed for high school
students, especially those interested in law or politics or both. Local,
regional, and state competitions are held to judge students’ performance
in each of the four roles of a given case. Such programs build students’
oral advocacy presentation and logical reasoning skills.
164 parenting gifted children

Conclusion

Parents concerned that their children are not receiving adequate

challenge in school have an unprecedented array of choices available to
them. If schools provide inadequate services for gifted learners, enrich-
ment services can become a lifeline for certain students. When examin-
ing choices, parents should look for those programs that focus on the
academic, athletic, or artistic talents of their child. Good programs have
certain traits in common. All have a well-defined focus and quality
teaching and motivate their students to strive for peak performance.
Programs with these qualities allow gifted students to investigate an
area of interest and to develop a lifelong love of a field. Gifted students
enrolled in such programs have the opportunity to make new friends
and expand their horizons in ways that can have a life-changing effect.

Resources

Books and Articles

Bloom, B. S. (1985). Generalizations about talent development. In B. S.

Bloom (Ed.), Developing talent in young people (pp. 507–549). New York,
NY: Ballantine Books.
Bronfenbrenner, U. (1986). Alienation and the four worlds of childhood. Phi
Delta Kappan, 67, 430–436.
Davis, G. A., & Rimm, S. B. (2003). Education of the gifted and talented (5th
ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Fashola, O. S. (1998). Review of extended-day and after-school programs and their
effectiveness (Rep. No. 24). Baltimore, MD: Johns Hopkins University,
The Center for Research on the Education of Students Placed at Risk.
Subotnik, R. F., Olszewskiâ•‚Kubilius, P., & Arnold, K. D. (2003). Beyond
Bloom: Revisiting environmental factors that enhance or impede tal-
ent development. In J. Borland (Ed.), Rethinking gifted education (pp.
227–238). New York, NY: Teachers College Press.
VanTassel-Baska, J. L. (Ed.). (2007). Serving gifted learners beyond the tradi-
tional classroom: A guide to alternative programs and services. Waco, TX:
Prufrock Press.
 Selecting Afterschool Programs 165

General Websites

Afterschool Alliance —http://www.afterschoolalliance.org

The After-School Corporation—http://www.tascorp.org
Education First —http://www.ef.com
Institute for Educational Advancement—http://www.educationaladvancement.
org
National Association for Gifted Children—http://www.nagc.org

Websites for Academic and Enrichment Competitions

Odyssey of the Mind—http://www.odysseyofthemind.com

Destination ImagiNation—http://www.idodi.org
United States Academic Decathlon—http://www.usad.org
Future Problem Solving Program International—http://www.fpspi.org
National High School Mock Trial Championship—http://www.nationalmocktrial.
org

Websites for Arts and Music Organizations

Interlochen Center for the Arts—http://www.interlochen.org

Peabody Institute—http://www.peabody.jhu.edu
Pueblo Opera Program—http://www.santafeopera.org/communityactivities/
youthprograms/pueblo.aspx
Tanglewood Music Festival—http://www.bso.org/sessionOverload.html

Websites for University Enrichment Programs

The College of William & Mary Center for Gifted Education—http://www.cfge.

wm.edu
Johns Hopkins University Center for Talented Youth—http://www.cty.jhu.edu
Northwestern University Center for Talent Development—http://www.ctd.
northwestern.edu/sep
University of Virginia Curry School of Education—http://curry.edschool.virginia.
edu
 Chapter 17
Mentoring and Your Child:
Developing a Successful
Relationship
by Julia Link Roberts and Tracy Ford Inman

T
housands of years ago when Odysseus set off to fight the
Trojans and reclaim the captured Helen, he realized that his
young son, Telemachus, would lack guidance during his absence.
He called on his trusted friend, Mentor, to guide his son, nur-
ture him, and lead him in the right direction. Telemachus thrived under
this mentorship— just as other mentees have done through the ages.
Where would young Luke Skywalker be without the advice of Obi-
Wan Kenobi and Yoda? Without the tutelage of his father, what might have
happened to baseball great Cal Ripken, Jr.? And without Cal’s guidance
where would Alex Rodriguez be? (Probably not one of the highest paid
baseball players!) Consider Rachmaninoff’s music minus the influence
of Tchaikovsky or Carl Jung’s work without his mentor Sigmund Freud.
From T.S. Eliot’s reliance upon Ezra Pound to Ralph Ellison’s guidance
from Richard Wright, mentorships have proved life changing.
As the caregiver of a gifted and talented child (perhaps the next
Rachmaninoff or Eliot), you well know the challenges facing these
young people. For many of these children, a mentor may be the ideal
answer to these challenges.
Consider the results when your precocious daughter with an inter-
est in science is teamed with a research biologist. Imagine the impact
of a relationship between your aspiring young writer and a published

166
 Mentoring and Your Child 167

author. What might transpire when your curious son who has a pas-
sion for languages pairs up with a linguist or a naturalized citizen who
speaks several languages? The possibilities are endless.
If you feel that your child would be a strong candidate as a mentee,
it isn’t necessary to wait for his or her school to initiate the relation-
ship. After all, you know your child best— you know his or her pas-
sions, needs, and talents. Although a school’s involvement strengthens
the endeavor, school involvement isn’t necessary. However, before you
establish this relationship, take the following ideas into consideration.

What Is Mentoring?

Mentoring is a one-on-one relationship between a young person

and someone who is an expert in a field or has passion and knowledge
in a particular area. These shared passions (such as aviation or insects),
common academic interests (from geometry to French), or career inter-
ests form the basis of the relationship. This relationship differs from
the typical teacher-student relationships. Mentors and mentees work
as partners or cohorts as they explore their passion, interest, or career.
This exploration can be accomplished face-to-face, over the phone,
through mail, or via e-mail. Many combinations work.
Dr. Homer White of Georgetown College in Kentucky has men-
tored Thomas Johnston, a homeschooled high school student from
Stamping Ground, KY, for 3 years. He views mentorships this way:

Gifted children have this consuming interest in certain ideas,

but their peers aren’t ready to take a similar interest in those
ideas. Many adults in their lives (parents and teachers) might
be able to take such an interest, but frequently they are taken up
with relating to the child as a child: that is, these adults are pri-
marily concerned with the child’s moral or social development,
worrying whether he or she will be well-adjusted or will turn
out all right. Gifted kids want and need contact with people
who are interested in their ideas for their own sake. Without it,
they experience a unique—and very acute—kind of loneliness.
168 parenting gifted children

Mentoring, then, is a rare relationship, one different from other rela-

tionships in the child’s life.

Why Do It?

The benefits to both the mentor and mentee can be tremendous.

These benefits extend beyond the cognitive realm into the emotional
and social realms as well.

Benefits for the mentee include the following:

• real-world applications of passion or interest;
• self-confidence;
• expanded possibilities for learning;
• increased knowledge base;
• continuous progress;
• deepening enthusiasm for a subject;
• extension or enrichment of the curriculum;
• career direction;
• gaining a role model; and
• growth in an area of giftedness (e.g., academic, leadership,
creativity, visual arts, performing arts).

Benefits for the mentor include the following:
• joy in sharing a passion or interest,
• perpetuation of interest and knowledge in passion area or career
field,
• personal satisfaction of helping others and bettering lives,
• renewed enthusiasm for a subject,
• talent created or developed,
• friendship,
• sense of commitment to community and young people, and
• pleasure of knowing and working with a young person on a
personal or one-to-one basis.

Dr. Karen Powell of Western Kentucky University’s Community

College mentored Bowling Green, KY, middle schooler Ashlee Shaw
in a science experiment. Dr. Powell believes the benefits for Ashlee
 Mentoring and Your Child 169

were numerous, “She learned how to apply the scientific method, dili-
gence, and most of all that science is a blast—and that she possesses
the capability to become a scientist if she so desires.” Ashlee concurs,

Since I’ve been working with Karen, I’ve worked harder in all
my classes to keep good grades. I feel smarter, so when I walk
into a class I want to try more. I didn’t think it would transfer
over, but it’s helped me a lot in other classes—especially math.

As a mentor, Dr. Powell explains the benefits for her, “I had the
privilege to be a part of the metamorphosis. I watched Ashley go from
being inexperienced and unsure to confident and self-fulfilled. Plus I had
a lot of fun!” The benefits are indeed many—and may be unexpected.

Who Needs to Do It?

Mentorships are appropriate for all ages but are especially effective
in later elementary years, middle school, and high school. Mentees must
be ready for this type of relationship. If they are independent learners,
are diligent workers, and have a strong grasp of subject matter coupled
with an earnest desire for mentoring, then the mentoring relation-
ship should be successful. Mentors, too, must demonstrate readiness.
Mentors must possess expertise in the area to be explored. “The thing
to avoid in mentoring,” cautions Dr. White, “is the urge to influence
the youngster to follow all the paths that you would like to have taken
but didn’t or couldn’t take, but be willing instead to follow along with
his or her interests as they develop.”

How Do You Establish a Mentoring Relationship?

There is no one right way to establish mentoring. Parents, schools,

children, and even mentors themselves can initiate a mentoring rela-
tionship. In Thomas Johnston’s case, Dr. White was a family friend
who discovered that Thomas wanted to learn Latin. This professor of
170 parenting gifted children

mathematics encouraged the mentoring relationship (after 2 years of

Latin, they’ve moved on to Geometry). In Ashlee Shaw’s case, her middle
school science teacher, Ms. Ronnie Shuffitt, realized that Ashlee needed
an outside influence. She paired the two together, quite successfully.
Before matching a mentor with your child, realize that just because
someone is a skilled architect doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she
will be a skilled mentor. A desire to mentor and the ability to establish
a nurturing relationship must be present. Becoming a mentor is a major
commitment.
To find a mentor, take into account your child’s gifts and talents.
Then, find experts in that area. For example, if your son is a budding
musician, check with your local or state arts council. If your daughter
is considering becoming a neurosurgeon, talk with someone at the
American Medical Association. Other places to check include your
child’s school, universities (don’t limit yourself to your local college;
with e-mail anything is possible), family, friends, professional associa-
tions, and even the web (just plug in mentoring in your search engine
and you’ll be amazed).
Some additional possibilities for locating a mentor include:
•â•¢ a statewide chapter of a national organization that addresses
a student’s interest;
•â•¢ local or state historical societies, museums, parks (docents and
other volunteers or professionals who love their topics may be
willing to mentor);
•â•¢ organizations whose membership includes people with a range
of professional experience, including local service organizations
(e.g., Elks, Kiwanis, Rotary), religious groups, or chambers of
commerce;
•â•¢ the local senior center as retirees with expertise in your child’s
area of interest could make excellent mentors; and
•â•¢ the local newspaper, which should list meeting times of local
or regional “clubs” organized around an interest area (e.g., orni-
thology, automobile clubs, antiques clubs, aviation), providing
a way to meet amateurs or professionals with those interests.

 Mentoring and Your Child 171

Seek out as many avenues as possible to find the best match for
your child. You will want to check the credentials of a possible men-
tor, of course, especially when you are using the Internet. Speak with
or meet the prospective mentor. If the person has been a mentor for
other students, you might find it valuable to speak with them or their
parents. As in any relationship outside school, safety and security can
be important to consider. The person initiating the relationship must
feel confident that the child will be safe in the presence of the mentor.
Many school systems perform criminal checks; parents must be just
as certain. Be certain to know where and when any person-to-person
meetings will take place.
In order for the pairing to be successful, the mentee must have a
voice in the relationship. It must be a comfortable match not only in
the topic to be studied but in personality as well. Eighth grader Ashlee
elaborates: “Karen actually listened to what I had to say. She talked
to me. I could tell she liked me by how she treated me.” The rapport
established is just as critical as the work accomplished (if not more so).

What Makes the Mentoring Relationship Successful?

Once the right pairing occurs, there are certain guidelines that
ensure success. Objectives and goals must be planned as a team. For
Ashlee and Dr. Powell, the idea was Ashlee’s. Together they struc-
tured the experiment following the scientific method and set goals that
included everything from securing equipment to dissection to writing
the results. For Thomas and Dr. White, the desire to learn Latin was
Thomas’s, but then he relied on Dr. White to guide the mentoring.
Some sort of end product or final goal steers the relationship. An end
product could be that the experiment is ready for the international
science fair (as in Ashlee’s case) or that Thomas learned Latin.
Duration of the mentoring needs to be established. Mentoring
can last as long as a project lasts or last a lifetime. Plus, mentoring can
occur during any time of the year.
A time structure must govern the communication. Whether contact
is made bimonthly, weekly, or daily, a schedule ensures that the com-
172 parenting gifted children

munication occurs. For Thomas and Dr. White, the mentoring was set
up on a weekly basis. Thomas explains,

We would meet in Dr. White’s office or some other convenient

location and go over my work for the week. The rest of the week
was largely spent in independent study. Much of the tedious
drill and practice aspects of learning a foreign language were
done at home, and I could get help with specific problems
during our weekly meetings. It worked very well!

The contact for Ashlee and Dr. Powell included many telephone con-
versations plus scheduled work visits.
The mentoring itself must be honest, respectful, and nurturing.
Remember that those benefits reach far beyond the academic goal. For
Ashlee, it was life changing:

A lot of kids my age say they don’t need someone to back them
up or help out because they want to look ‘big and bad.’ But you’re
better off to have a mentor. She’s going to be there for you. You’re
more comfortable and safe. If you fall, she’ll catch you. Now I’m
more confident in myself. None of my family went to college.
I want to go to college. I want to make something of myself. I
want to be a doctor—that’s science. That’s because of Karen.

In spite of the planning and structuring, expect the unexpected—

and rejoice in it. For example, Dr. White discovered something unex-
pected in mentoring Thomas:

The joy in mentoring is that it doesn’t feel at all like real work.
Gifted kids learn independently, usually acquire an interest in
ideas for their own sake, and are nourished more by the men-
tor’s enthusiasm than by smoothness in the mentor’s teaching
technique.

And Dr. Powell discovered how rewarding it is “to help someone realize
she possessed the ability all along.”
 Mentoring and Your Child 173

Once the who’s, what’s, when’s, how’s, and where’s are decided, the
mentoring relationship takes on a life of its own, and your high-ability
child will blossom in many ways. Think of Ashlee’s new life goals and
self-confidence. Consider Thomas’s conquest of Latin and Geometry
and his acquisition of a lifelong friend at the same time. Imagine the
difference a healthy pairing could make in your child’s life. Research
shows that mentors can have significant impact: In a 22-year study of
212 young adults, Dr. E. Paul Torrance found that those who worked
with mentors completed a greater number of years of education and
earned more adult creative achievements than peers who did not have
mentors. Mentoring changes lives, both of the mentor and the mentee.
Would young Telemachus have possessed enough skill and clev-
erness to fight off Penelope’s suitors upon his father’s return without
the years of Mentor’s nurturing and guidance? Would Helen Keller
have earned honorary degrees and humanitarian awards without her
one-on-one lifelong relationship with Anne Sullivan? And what type
of philosophical impact would Plato have made without Socrates? Ask
yourself, now, how a strong mentoring relationship could affect your
child—then take action.

Resources

Whitton, D., & Siegle, D. (Eds.). (1992). What educators need to know
about mentoring (Practitioners’ Guide–A9406). Storrs: University of
Connecticut, The National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented.
Mentors Peer Resources. (2001). The mentor hall of fame. Retrieved from http://
www.mentors.ca/mentorpairs.html

Reference

Torrance, E. P. (1984). Mentor relationships: How they aid creative achievement,

endure, change, and die. Buffalo, NY: Bearly Limited.
 Chapter 18
Enter the Mentor
by Diane Nash

You see things and you say “Why?” But I dream things that never were and
say “Why not?”—George Bernard Shaw

I
magine your child . . . eager and engaged about a truly challenging
project. Now think of that excited youngster receiving ideas, support,
and encouragement from an expert! Consider a scenario where your
child confidently and enthusiastically shares meaningful goals with
the “right” people—those with power to inspire students to put forth
their personal best. Wishful thinking? Not really! This academic year
more than 100,000 students of all ages are being mentored by caring
adults. Many of these students will enjoy a peak learning experience
that can take them beyond classroom learning in many powerful ways.

What’s a Mentor Anyway?

A mentor is a role model with considerable knowledge who teaches,

counsels, engages, and inspires students with similar interests. Some
people distinguish between career mentors (who focus on career issues)
and life mentors (who may deal with a variety of issues—personal devel-
opment, learning projects in advanced content areas, or academic and
career issues). Mentoring experiences can be formal, arranged through
a deliberate or structured planning process or program, or informal,
developing naturally through a more serendipitous process. In either
case, mentoring can be a powerful relationship, characterized by mutual

174
 Enter the Mentor 175

caring, which very often results in substantial intellectual pursuits,

exceptional creative production, and personal interests and hobbies
and career development. Mentors and mentees (the term usually used
to refer to the student in a mentoring relationship) both benefit from
this unique, rich learning experience.

What’s So Great About Mentors?

What’s so great about having a mentor you might ask. Plenty!

Obviously there is the academic advantage. Mentors frequently share
their unique knowledge and talents, resources that extend beyond the
confines of school libraries. They also increase dividends in the personal
development and career development columns. Mentorships often foster
greater student self-awareness; at times they teach practical career skills.
Both the adult and the student in this special relationship mutually
benefit as they collaborate in creating a shared vision with a meaning-
ful plan of action. The bottom line here is that quality mentorships are
indeed powerful.

How Do I Know If My Child Will

Benefit From Having a Mentor?

Mentors can be called upon to help students in several key areas

of a young life. For example:
•â•¢ The development of in-depth academic projects.
•â•¢ The exploration of strong personal interests and hobbies.
•â•¢ The examination of career opportunities.

If your child fits any one of these categories, turning to a mentor
for assistance might be very appropriate.
176 parenting gifted children

What Are My Child’s Chances of Being Mentored?

Connecting your child with a mentor may be easier than you think.
Parents have at least three promising approaches:
•â•¢ Research the established mentor programs within your school
district and community. An afternoon of telephoning might
reveal some real jewels!
•â•¢ Advocate for the establishment of a mentor program in your
school district or community organizations. The National
Mentoring Partnership has a wealth of specific information
on that topic. This approach would be a gift to both your child
and the entire community.
•â•¢ Work as an independent coordinator for your child and locate
a caring expert who would be willing to help your child.
Traditional networking can be effective here.

Today a range of established mentor programs exist that key into a
variety of student needs. Let’s look briefly at two examples of programs
that have produced excellent results.

YouthFriends

YouthFriends, whose central office is in Kansas City, MO, is an

outstanding mentoring program that has enjoyed almost exponential
growth. Its mission is “to connect young people with caring adult
volunteers in schools to promote success, encourage healthy behaviors,
and build stronger communities.”
YouthFriends connects young people, ages 5–18, with caring adult
volunteers in schools. As positive role models, YouthFriends volunteers
enhance young people’s ability to succeed. YouthFriends began in 1995
in six Greater Kansas City area school districts. Since then, it has
expanded to more than 80 school districts in the Greater Kansas City
area and the states of Kansas and Michigan. This dynamic program,
which is a signature partner of the National Mentoring Partnership, is
school based and can take place before, during, or after school, depend-
ing on the circumstances. Students are connected with adults who share
 Enter the Mentor 177

interests, whether it be academic subjects, music, sports, computers, or

a special hobby. Helping students with academic projects and offering
career advice are natural outcomes. Interested in the migration pat-
terns of monarchs? Farm pond fishing? Creating your own web page?
YouthFriends helps students tackle these kinds of issues and many more.
The use of electronic volunteers has been added to the YouthFriends
menu. In 2001, for example, one group of students learned about digital
career opportunities. For 14 weeks, mentors—many of whom are pro-
fessional web designers and owners of technology-based companies—
taught 75 students how to research specific subjects on the Internet and
prepare for a career in technology. As part of the Dot.com Mentors
pilot, funded through a grant from the Center for Substance Abuse
Prevention (CSAP), students designed and built their own websites.
A recently released outside evaluation of the YouthFriends pro-
gram indicated that the volunteers reported having a very positive and
meaningful impact on young people. More than 85% of the students,
volunteers, teachers, and parents described the program as an important
and valuable personal learning and growth experience. YouthFriends
currently has more than 300 people who have volunteered for more
than 5 years. Liz McClure, one of the volunteers, said:

I’d heard about the program and thought it sounded like a

good idea. I was matched with two fourth graders—Bianca
and Timberlyn at a nearby elementary school—and we hit it
off immediately. It’s been an incredible experience watching
them grow over the years . . . It’s an incredible friendship that
I wouldn’t give up for the world.

For more information or for a complete listing of participating

school districts, visit http://www.youthfriends.org.

International Telementor Program

Today’s significant technology headlines are about the profound

ways technology is changing our lives. The International Telementor
Program (ITP) has capitalized on this point by focusing exclusively on
178 parenting gifted children

virtual mentors (mentors who make extensive use of electronic com-

munication; also called e-mentors or telementors). Does the ITP work?
From its inception in 1995 to 2000, the ITP program matched 9,000
enthusiastic mentors with 9,000 interested students, with record num-
bers of mentors serving elementary through college age students elec-
tronically in the years since. The program already has served elementary,
middle school, and college students successfully. Program director
David Neils notes that fourth-, fifth-, and sixth-grade students, as a
group, are particularly eager to begin exploring the magic of mentoring.
The ITP is based at the Keystone Center in Colorado but facilitates
mentoring between adults and students worldwide. Although most
students and mentors are based in the United States, more than 16
countries have already participated to date. A physics teacher, Maria
Teresa Degrandi from Ivea, Italy commented,

I heard about the International Telementor Program from a

teacher at school, who has U. S. friends. I liked the idea that
some students in our school could have a chance to “work” with
skillful people with a great passion for science and to share
their ideas and cultures. So the adventure started and we are
all happy that it did.

An American sixth-grade teacher, Maureen Pajak, concluded,

I have nothing but positive comments to make about ITP and

the wonderful people who volunteer their time to make it work so
successfully. My science students are now speaking and debating
in scientific terms, and clarifying definitions, discussing addi-
tions sent by mentors, devising new experiments to test potential
and kinetic energy, and sharing interesting facts gleaned from
website information. Not only have I seen an increase in interest
and motivation in science, but I have noticed increased attention
to spelling, punctuation, and composition.

By e-mailing students two to three times a week, adult mentors

in ITP share their experience and expertise, helping students achieve
 Enter the Mentor 179

academic excellence in science, math, and communication skills; they

also help youngsters think about career choices and future education.
David Neils, an ardent champion of virtual mentors, sees the following
advantages of ITP virtual mentoring:
•â•¢ Students develop as they learn to evaluate their own success.
•â•¢ Mentor enthusiasm is fueled by an electronic menu (which
changes every 10 minutes) that allows mentors to select their
own student in a matter of minutes after a mentor is requested.
•â•¢ Matches are project based.
•â•¢ Students elect to participate; it takes, on average, only 6╃1/2
minutes to locate a mentor electronically.
•â•¢ The “24/7” nature of electronic communication increases the
number of people who can participate.
•â•¢ Teacher/supervisors submit project plans.

Neils sees another advantage, which he refers to as indicators of
“proactive” learning (initiating one’s own learning experiences, not
merely waiting to react to assignments or requirements). In order to
stimulate independent learning, he identifies three important questions
for students to ask themselves:
1. Exactly what is my plan (i.e., To examine how frogs are used
to study acid rain in California? To become a national news
anchor?)?
2. Have I communicated that plan to the “right” people (i.e., top
scientists, top news anchors)?
3. Have I gotten the “right” people to invest in my plan?

When students execute their own plan with confidence, they
become proactive learners—and proactive people who contribute to
their communities as well.
Neils also is a mentor in the program. This year he worked with
a student in Columbus, MS, on a research project focused on the
explosion of the snow goose population. At the beginning of the
project, the student was more interested in turning in the next assign-
ment than in basing his success on the execution of his plan. Over
time, Neils noticed a shift in the student’s perspective. He gained
180 parenting gifted children

confidence that he could explore this topic with all the passion and
intensity he felt deep inside and exceed his teacher’s expectations
simultaneously! This process is all about moving a student from a reac-
tive learning position to a proactive learning position. Telementoring
was an effective tool here.
For further information about the ITP, go to http://www.
telementor.org.

So Where Does an Interested Parent

Begin Looking For a Mentor?

The most comprehensive mentor resource currently is the National

Mentoring Partnership (http://www.mentoring.org). Designed to be
the premier one-stop destination site for mentoring, it has a database of
more than 5,000 mentor programs. Although it does not provide direct
mentoring services, it does provide a wide range of resources and tools
for mentoring organizations, mentoring initiatives, and individuals
wishing to learn more about the topic. The site includes information
about how to be a mentor, how to find a mentor, and how to organize a
quality program. The partnership is currently focusing on establishing
standards for quality e-mentoring.
Further searches on the Internet will reveal additional mentoring
paths. Talking informally with neighbors and people in various leader-
ship positions also will uncover a number of opportunities in your own
backyard.
In using any of these research approaches, one soon learns that
mentor programs range widely in their focus, types and ages of students,
and “curriculum.” Program sponsors also will vary; for example, K–12
schools, universities, nonprofit organizations, the media, government
agencies, civic and faith-based institutions may all be sponsors.
One common thread in the mentor tapestry is that of the university
mentor. Formal university programs held after school, on Saturdays,
and during the summer attract eager students and passionate instructors
engaged in challenging and creative production. The Purdue University
Gifted Education Resource Institute (GERI) Summer Program (http://
 Enter the Mentor 181

www.geri.education.purdue.edu) is one such excellent model provid-

ing accelerated learning and enriched experiences in math, science,
humanities, and the arts for students in grades 3–12.
Programs with tightly focused themes also are commonplace; one
such program is sponsored by the nonprofit, 35-year-old International
Women’s Writing Guild (http://www.iwwg.com). With an e-mentor
format, girls between the ages of 10–18 who love writing connect with
writing mentors. The government’s NASA mentoring program (http://
www.nasa.gov/offices/education/about/index.html) is one among many
that promote careers in math, engineering, and science. Some of the
NASA programs even target minorities; for example, the Goddard
Space Flight Sister program in Greenbelt, MD, is designed for middle
school girls.
Summer learning with its relaxed format often can naturally give
birth to mentor relationships that develop informally. (A lengthy list of
summer enrichment programs for elementary and secondary students
can be accessed at http://www.nagc.org/index2.aspx?id=1103&term
s=summer+programs). The summer camp for the arts at Interlochen,
MI (http://www.interlochen.org), is a prime example of the power of
mentor relationships that develop naturally. Elementary and secondary
students, along with teachers who are passionate about their subjects,
have gathered here annually for years to develop talent and celebrate
the arts—creative writing, dance, music, theatre, and the visual arts.
This truly is a haven for kindred spirits.

Exactly What Do Mentors and Mentees Talk About?

Of particular interest to students, parents, and program organiz-

ers is the National Mentoring Partnership’s list of activity guidelines
designed for students at a wide range of ages. The guidelines are, of
course, intended to govern activities taking place over a period of
months—not just one session. These suggestions are valuable in help-
ing students overcome any initial shyness they might feel in the early
communication stage. The focus is on sharing information. Examples
of some activities to help mentors and students begin to develop their
182 parenting gifted children

relationship, excerpted and adapted from the National Mentoring

Partnership’s list of activities, include:
1. Talk about your favorite movies, historical figures, or heroes,
why you like them, and what you learn from them.
2. Talk about a book you are reading and why you like it, or don’t
like it.
3. Share your favorite uses of the Internet, and talk about the
websites and online discussion groups you find most helpful
or entertaining.
4. Talk about your favorite uses of computer and software
applications (including games) you find the most helpful or
entertaining.
5. Talk about your pets. Talk about animals that particularly
intrigue you and why.
6. Share information and details of things that might be unique
to your particular culture or geographic area (e.g., clothing,
ceremonies, music, traditions, food).
7. Discuss your favorite and least favorite classes or teachers, and
why.
8. Mentors—talk about your job, how you trained for it, what
you do, and whether it is different from what you planned on
doing when you were in high school.
9. Work on the mentee’s resumé, and discuss questions that are
commonly asked on college applications or in job interviews.
10. Talk about what you do outside of work or school (e.g., hobbies,
things you collect, how you spent your weekend).
11. Talk about how to balance work and leisure.
12. Talk about hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations.

Once mentors and their mentees have gotten to know each other
a little better, they might work together on some advanced activi-
ties. Some possibilities, also adapted from the National Mentoring
Partnership’s suggestions, include:
1. Create a website together. It can be something related to school
work or to the mentor’s professional work or a guide to an
issue or subject in which both mentor and mentee share an
 Enter the Mentor 183

interest (e.g., the environment, a particular sports team). It

could include links to your favorite websites on this subject
and artwork you create yourselves.
2. Doodle and create artwork together. Many programs can
read .gif, .jpeg, or .pict files, so it doesn’t matter what kind
of computers you are using. (In fact, you might even con-
sider exchanging products by mail, without relying on your
computer!)
3. Keep a journal on a regular basis (perhaps weekly) in which
you discuss what you’ve done and your feelings about what’s
happened. Send the journals to one another and talk about
what’s happened.
4. Attend a concert, class, seminar, lecture, or interview together,
in person or through an online webcast or chatroom that fea-
tures a special guest. Talk about the event together afterward.
5. Work collaboratively on learning something new or “digging
deeper” into a topic of mutual interest to expand your knowl-
edge of that area.

Mentoring offers opportunities for advanced or in-depth academic
study that can extend the student’s school experiences in many ways. In
addition, in these times of rapid-fire change, we can easily see value in
teaching young people to connect with caring mentors who can provide
relevant career guidance. At a time of confusing cultural shifts, we can
clearly see value in encouraging students to find their own personal
voice. And, at a time of “constant connectivity,” we can certainly see
the value of a new electronic twist on an old theme—the “virtual men-
tor,” through which technology enables personal, sustained learning
connections that cut across time and distance. For many young people,
now may be the ideal time to enter the mentor relationship.
 Chapter 19
Education Acceleration:
Why or Why Not?
by James J. Gallagher

S
ome children are performing in school several years ahead of
their age peers. In many cases, parents have the opportunity
to request that schools move their children ahead. They need
additional information on acceleration options. At some time in
the young lives of gifted students, many parents are faced with the issue
of acceleration or moving the child through the educational system
faster than the normal progression. What should we do? Where might
parents go to get necessary information? How can this educational
acceleration be carried out if we decide to pursue it?
The major objective of educational acceleration is to find a more
suitable educational environment for students who already have dem-
onstrated performance far beyond the normal classroom in educa-
tional attainment. An important byproduct of acceleration would be
the reduction in time that the student will spend in various educa-
tional settings. Although many parents do not consider the “saving of
time” issue, perhaps they should. It is hard to project a decade or more
into the future for a 10â•‚ or 11-yearâ•‚old, but it might be worth doing.
Table 19.1 shows the expected years at which a student will normally
complete each segment of education. He or she will be 18 years of age
when finishing high school and 22 years old when finishing college.
Gifted students often will have a long postgraduate education facing
them. If the students are going on to graduate or professional training
(such as medical school), they could well be in their late twenties or early

184
 Education Acceleration 185

Table 19.1
Age of Completion of Educational
Benchmarks for Medical Students

School Program Completed Expected Age at Completion

Elementary School 12
Middle School 15
Senior High School 18
College 22
Medical School 26
Internship 27
Residency 29–32
Note. From Teaching the Gifted Child by J. Gallagher & S. Gallagher, 1994. Copyright 1994
by Allyn & Bacon.

thirties before completing their education. They can, in fact, spend a

quarter of a century in school! Their college classmates could be in a
career and community life as much as 6 to 8 years before these students
actually become self-sufficient. Cutting the 20+ years in the educational
system by a year or two would seem to be worth doing, so that students
can begin a productive life earlier than would otherwise be possible.
Most parents would agree to acceleration but ask, “Can you assure me
that nothing untoward would happen to my child in the process?” They
may remember a horror story of a neighbor’s child who was accelerated
and who later suffered grievous social problems and even threatened to
drop out of school. Saving a year is not worth that outcome, certainly.
Even if a child who has been accelerated reveals later emotional
disturbances, there is not necessarily a causal relationship between
the two conditions. There are usually many other forces at work in a
student with serious emotional problems. One of the myths circulated
in some educational circles is that the gifted student might be unable
to handle the increased “pressure” of the academic programs beyond
his or her current grade placement. As a matter of fact, the evidence
finds the exact opposite. Students who have been accelerated tend to
perform better academically than gifted students who were not acceler-
186 parenting gifted children

ated, perhaps due to the welcome challenge these students derive from
content that more adequately extends their abilities.
There is an extensive literature base on the topic of educational
acceleration and its impact on students that goes back several decades
and reveals a consistent story. If the child is reasonably physically
mature and emotionally wellâ•‚adjusted in the first place, no harm can
be expected from wellâ•‚planned acceleration. Students have generally
been happy that they have saved a year or more of their life and career.
One of the latest of these results comes from a 10â•‚year followâ•‚up of
320 youngsters by Dr. David Lubinski and his colleagues at Vanderbilt
University. These students had been identified, before the age of 13, as
having outstanding mathematical or verbal reasoning abilities. Ninety-five
percent had been accelerated in school sometime before the age of 23 and
more than 90% of them reported positive results from their acceleration.
There were few reports of social problems accompanying the acceleration,
the most frequently noted concern of educators and parents. This finding
reproduces results reported by just about all of the major studies that have
looked at large samples of gifted students who have been accelerated.
Adults who have reflected retrospectively about their own personal
experiences with acceleration have supported the positive findings from
research by Lubinski and others. The most common problems cited
by students are some minor social dislocations such as that of a male
16-year-old who had been accelerated and was now trying to date an
18-year-old girl in college, only to have her discover that he had been
accelerated and then discover his real age. The resulting snub certainly
was an embarrassing situation, but when weighed against the saving of
a year or two of his career and becoming personally independent at an
earlier age, to be able to start a family or enter the community earlier,
clearly the acceleration was deemed worthy.
Still, acceleration is not for every gifted student. Consider Jerry,
a student who is doing excellent work in school. He has a particular
gift for words and his creative essays and poetry are the marvel of his
teachers. Yet, Jerry is physically small and immature for his age group,
and he has been noted by his teachers and his parents as socially isolated
from his peers. It would be wrong to think that educational acceleration
would cure his social problems by mixing him in with a more mature
 Education Acceleration 187

Table 19.2
Most Common Methods of Acceleration of Gifted Students

Grade Level Type of Acceleration

Primary (K–3) 1. Early admittance to school
2. Ungraded primary 3 years instead of 4
Intermediate (4–5) 1. Ungraded classes
2. Grade skipping
Middle school 1. Three years in two
2. High school classes for credit
High school 1. Early entrance to college
2. Advanced placement
Note. Adapted from “The strange case of acceleration,” by J. Gallagher, 1998, In C. Benbow
and D. Lubinski (Eds.), Intellectual talent, pp. 83–92. Copyright 1998 by The Johns Hopkins
University Press.

group of students. Most educators would recommend that Jerry should

stay where he is with the school developing his social skills as well as
his creative writing. Instead of acceleration, Jerry could participate
in an Individualized Education Program with a team of educational
personnel who have created, with Jerry’s parents, some meaningful
objectives in developing social skills along with his creative writing.
Contrast Jerry with Denise who has shown a penchant for science
and math, unlike many of her friends at school. Denise is physically
mature for her age, resembling girls a year or two older than she. These
older girls are her closest friends, and she also is well able to cope with
social situations. Because her parents already see college and postgraduate
work as a part of her future, some form of educational acceleration might
be considered. Such a move should be considered only after discussions
about the process and its advantages and potential problems between
child, parents, and educators take place. In particular, the child should
be eager to move forward after the issue has been explained.
The most common methods of acceleration are noted in Table
19.2. Such actions can be taken at any point in the school career where
it would seem most appropriate. It can even take place right at the
beginning of the school career when the gifted child can be admitted
188 parenting gifted children

to school early (1/2 to 1 year) if he or she is physically mature and obvi-

ously developmentally advanced, such as reading or doing math at a
second grade level even before beginning kindergarten. There have
been no negative findings reported on this early admission as long as
the child’s physical and social development are taken into account.
The most common public perception of acceleration is grade skip-
ping, but it is one of the least used in actual practice. Some educators
would recommend that, if skipping a grade were desirable, then skip-
ping the last grade in elementary school might be the desired move.
This would allow the qualified student to move into the middle school
a year early when all of the other students would be experiencing a new
and different academic and social situation in middle school anyway.
Another strategy used to provide acceleration for bright students
is to cluster these gifted students together in one class that will allow
them to move forward, experience greater challenge, and master the
necessary content in less time. The ungraded primary program could
reduce the 4 years normally needed to get from kindergarten to third
grade to 3 years, reducing the likelihood of repetition and boredom.
A similar strategy can be used in the middle school where a cluster
of gifted students could be brought together to master the content in
2 years as opposed to 3. These attempts to telescope the content need
the enthusiastic support of educational leaders and faculty to succeed.
In the current atmosphere favoring inclusion (the process of bringing
all, or nearly all, exceptional children into the general classroom for
their education with special education support), it might be difficult
to convince educational administrators of the desirability of separating
off a group of gifted students for special instruction.
If your school system has a magnet school (so named because it is
designed to draw students who are interested in the program that the
magnet school has to offer) that focuses on art, science, or mathemat-
ics, this could be a means of bringing bright students interested in a
particular topic area together for instruction.
A very common and popular device for educational acceleration is to
take Advanced Placement (http://www.collegeboard.com/ap/students/
index.html) courses in secondary school for college credit or to take col-
lege courses while still in high school. Another strategy is early entrance
 Education Acceleration 189

into college, leaving off the last year of high school (which often is
referred to by gifted students as boring and a waste of time). A high
school student earning college credit can even save some tuition money,
no small matter these days. Some colleges also provide special programs
for highly gifted students. One example of such a program, focusing on
highâ•‚ability female students, is the Program for the Exceptionally Gifted
(PEG) at Mary Baldwin College (http://www.mbc.edu/peg).
Although student acceleration is designed to allow gifted students
to move forward to encounter more complex content and subject mat-
ter, another strategy has been to bring more complex content down
to the student’s level. This form of moving the curriculum downward
is referred to as content acceleration. Sometimes parents of a student
such as Denise do not want their child to move more rapidly through
the school program but do want challenge for their child. Content
acceleration is designed to do just that. Content acceleration can be
as simple as allowing the student to take algebra one year earlier than
normal, or it can involve something as complex as the International
Baccalaureate program (http://www.ibo.org) which was designed to
facilitate admission to colleges around the world. When students com-
plete this challenging secondary education program, they will have
mastered two languages and have taken such courses as the Study of
Man in Society, Experimental Sciences, Higher Mathematics, and
Art/Design, and they also will have engaged in independent study.
Distance education (providing students with opportunities to take
courses by correspondence or using the computer for Internetâ•‚based
courses) is another emerging way of providing content acceleration for
high-ability students. In addition to convenient access to advanced
study, distance learning can provide learning opportunities that high-
light the student’s ability to do the work, without concern for his or her
age or personal characteristics. You can find a very thorough overview
of distance learning opportunities for gifted students at the following
website: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/distance_learning.htm.
One of the best-kept secrets in education is how much bright students
hunger for intellectual stimulation and challenge. Their common cry is
that they are bored to death with the standard curriculum. Although
moving bright students more rapidly through the mathematics curricu-
190 parenting gifted children

lum, for example, solves the problem of challenge in middle school years,
it also runs the risk of running out of content before the gifted students
complete secondary school, leaving little or nothing of interest or chal-
lenge for the last year in high school. After you have taken the last course
in calculus what do you do then? It is these students who are particularly
willing to seek early admission to college or take a group of Advanced
Placement courses to keep their interest in education and learning alive.
A relatively new approach has been the development of special
residential schools devoted to establishing a complex program of studies
for gifted students in mathematics and science. Fifteen states currently
support some form of residential schools for students who qualify. The
advanced curriculum of such schools represents true content accelera-
tion. Educational acceleration with such students often enables them
to enter college at an advanced level, perhaps at the sophomore level.
Some attempts have been made to support fastâ•‚paced classes during
the summer. In these courses, the students will study one subject in
depth for 3 weeks. There have been many such experiences demonstrat-
ing that gifted students can master a year of high school physics, or
even college philosophy, in these intense programs when surrounded
by other talented students and a competent faculty.
There is no reason why both student acceleration and content accel-
eration should not be considered together if the conditions are right
and the student willing. One doesn’t have to choose between them.
Parents may find many educators opposed to educational acceleration,
and that is something of a puzzle given the strong positive evaluation
findings. It may be their unwillingness to upset the standard routine, or
their unawareness of the evidence available, or their inability to take the
long view of the total career of the gifted student. It may be necessary to
provide information (including the recommended resources below) for
the school to help educators make better and more informed decisions.
Parents who are interested in pursuing the possibilities of acceleration
for their child might consider the following steps:
1. A thorough review of your child’s academic status and an esti-
mate of social and personal maturity for his or her age group
with current school staff.
 Education Acceleration 191

2. Discuss acceleration with your child and the possibilities of

greater challenge and reduction of time in school.
3. If your child is intrigued by the idea (few students think they
have options of this type), then an exploration of the various
types of accelerations might be considered.
4. Discuss with the local educational staff the means for facilitat-
ing such a move with the steps that need to be taken.

Although acceleration is not for every gifted child, it can benefit
many and is worthy of parental discussion and consideration.

Resources

Benbow, C., & Lubinski, D. (Eds.). (1996). Intellectual talent. Baltimore, MD:
The Johns Hopkins University Press.
Brody, L., Assouline, S., & Stanley, J. (1990). Five years of early entrants:
Predicting achievement in college. Gifted Child Quarterly, 34, 138–142.
Schiever, S., & Maker, J. (2003). New directions in enrichment and accelera-
tion. In N. Colangelo & G. Davis (Eds.), Handbook of gifted education
(pp. 163–173). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Southern, W., & Jones, E. (Eds.). (1991). The academic acceleration of gifted
children. New York, NY: Teachers College Press.
VanTasselâ•‚Baska, J. (1998). Excellence in educating gifted and talented learners
(3rd ed.). Denver, CO: Love.

References

Gallagher, J. (1998). The strange case of acceleration. In C. Benbow & D.

Lubinski (Eds.), Intellectual talent (pp. 83–92). Baltimore, MD: The Johns
Hopkins University Press.
Gallagher, J., & Gallagher, S. (1994). Teaching the gifted child. Boston, MA:
Allyn & Bacon.
Lubinski, D., Webb, R., Morelock, M., & Benbow, C. (2001). Top 1 in
10,000: A 10-year follow-up of the profoundly gifted. Journal of Applied
Psychology, 86, 718–729.
 Chapter 20
Acceleration: Difficult
Decision—Easy Solution
By Sandra Warren

W
hy is it, when faced with the decision to accelerate
frustrated, bored, struggling gifted children, that the
opinions we listen to the most come from uninformed,
yet wellâ•‚meaning family, friends, and even school per-
sonnel? It’s time to listen to the real experts—the volumes of research
conducted over the last 50 years by the most learned in our field and the
families who have done it. In a recent survey, 22 parents, representing
26 children who were offered acceleration as an option, shared their
experiences. All but two of the families jumped at the chance to accel-
erate. Even so, none of the families made the decision without a great
deal of soulâ•‚searching. Most had to initiate the discussion themselves
and bring forth the volumes of literature that supports acceleration as
a positive move, before administrators would even consider it. The very
people who should know and understand—teachers, administrators,
and school psychologists—often are the least supportive.

Rationale and Importance

Let’s take a look at what the surveyed parents had to say.

There is so much concern for social development and matu-

rity level. What educators and administrators don’t seem to

192
 Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution 193

understand is the depth of harm done from the frustration and

isolation of a starved intellect! (Karen Whipkey, mother of an
11â•‚year-old accelerated from fifth to sixth grade)

Karen had watched as

increasing boredom drove my child from being extremely orga-

nized to disorganized; selfâ•‚motivated to listless and unmoti-
vated; from bright intelligent eyes to blank and lifeless ones.
The acceleration move transformed her back to being excited
about learning, motivated, and challenged. Peer relationships
also became more fulfilling.

Asked if she would do it again, she replied, “Absolutely! All negative

personality changes due to being unchallenged a long time disappeared
overnight! There were no negative replacements, only positive ones!”
The other parents reported similar experiences. For example, Colleen
Grady, whose son accelerated from first to fourth grade said,

We were not accelerating our son; we were adjusting his

instruction to better match his needs. While it was not a per-
fect solution, gradeâ•‚skipping combined with subject accelera-
tion and curriculum compacting provided the best fit. It also
provided a group of intellectual peers and allowed our son to
remain in a school setting and experience typical milestones
of childhood: extracurricular activities, prom, etc.

“The move kept my child challenged and made him feel his perceptions
were important,” said Deborah Davis, whose son initiated the move
from fourth to sixth grade. Wenda Sheard accelerated three children:
“Acceleration brought excitement about being in a new situation and
time to do exciting things, like spend a year or two abroad.” Another
parent whose child was accelerated from preschool to kindergarten,
then to third and fourth grade math and then again to fifth and sixth
grade math said, “My child is challenged so behaviors are improved.
She is learning to learn and to have to find answers instead of just
194 parenting gifted children

automatically knowing everything—she is learning to work!” Andrew

Mance, whose son accelerated from third to fourth grade said,

Acceleration presented more challenge and opened more

opportunities for activities not available to elementary stu-
dents. He seems to have more friends that he can talk to on
an intelligent basis, and the teacher seems to take more of an
interest in him.

Another parent, whose son accelerated from sixth to seventh grade,

had this to say:

His selfâ•‚esteem soared. He became respected by his same age

and older peers and he now has a goal worth pursuing and a
reason for trying to do his best. It also showed him how much
I cared (to fight more than one and a half years to accomplish
the acceleration); he now feels more valued for his gifts.

Kris Sigman shared that her child, accelerated from first to third grade,
“is still receiving top grades but isn’t complaining about being bored.”
The child said, “I’m more like the other kids now. And, I still get good
grades!” Stephanie Miller, who gradeâ•‚skipped two children, found that

once the initial adjustment is made, this type of adjustment is

less disruptive to the student’s dayâ•‚toâ•‚day schedule than other
types of alternatives such as pullâ•‚out programs. Students who are
candidates for acceleration are often more comfortable with older
students anyway so finding a peer group is sometimes easier.

Sharon Montgomery’s son is a precocious math student accelerated on

several occasions to accommodate his abilities. She said,

They want you to believe that accelerated students will have

social problems being in a class with older students. That not
only wasn’t a problem for my son, it also solved problems! Being
accelerated helped him feel less like a misfit, instead of more
 Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution 195

so as predicted, and gave him about the only opportunity to

experience having his intellect valued.

Finally, Mary Collier accelerated her son from eighth grade to college
classes. “My child pulled out of chronic underachievement, became a
happier child and learned things, including more than 5 years credit
of a foreign language not offered in his high school.”

Benefits and Positive Outcomes

If acceleration has been offered to your child and you’re struggling

with the decision, take a look at the following words of wisdom from
parents who said, “yes” to acceleration:
•â•¢ “I would tell any parent who is contemplating acceleration to do so
and see what happens. I believe that in the vast majority of cases,
the child will do just fine and be better off for it.” (Andrew Mance)
•â•¢ “Do not expect that educators know any of the positive argu-
ments for acceleration. Expect that you will have to take
the lead. Get test scores privately if you can. Read A Nation
Deceived.” (Name withheld by request)
•â•¢ “Become knowledgeable about the different options available
to you. If grade acceleration is the best choice for your child,
be persistent. Do not let the school tell you ‘we do not do that
here.’” (Sheila Henault)
•â•¢ “We accelerated our son in the spring of the school year . . . I
believe he benefited from having the last 9 weeks of the school
year in his new grade to meet the new kids and form friend-
ships before the summer.” (Name withheld by request)
•â•¢ “Ask your child how he or she feels. When I asked Kaylyn, she
said, ‘I want to go to third grade because it will be harder and
I want to be like everyone else.’” (Kris Sigman)
•â•¢ “Respect the fact that you know your child and do what is best
for her or him. Of course that means educating yourself about
the options, laws, school requirements for acceleration, and the
pros and cons, but it also means standing your ground, even
196 parenting gifted children

if your school district, family, or friends don’t agree with your

decision.” (Stephanie Miller)
•â•¢ “Never take no for an answer. All of the people (teacher, prin-
cipal, school psychologist) were against it. They felt our son’s
underachievement was evidence of a personality or familial
deficiency. They refused to recognize that this underachieve-
ment was a direct result of unmet educational needs.” (Name
withheld by request)
•â•¢ “Trust your own instincts even though others have their doubts
or do not provide moral support. Remember you know your
child best. Take the risk and enjoy the experience. Let the child
take ownership in the decision. I would never have done this
unless he also wanted the opportunity.” (Mary Collier)
•â•¢ “. . . if your school agrees to a skip, chances are you have a child
who actually needs more than that, so be prepared to continue
to provide enrichments, ask for additional subject acceleration,
provide outside opportunities, etc. Do whatever it takes to give
them the experience of challenge and to keep them engaged
in learning as an enjoyable and exciting pursuit.” (Name with-
held by request.)
•â•¢ “Consider the whole child. The child needs to be not only aca-
demically, but socially, emotionally, mentally, and even physi-
cally prepared to be outside the peer group.” (Deborah Davis)
•â•¢ “Each child is different, and it is important to listen to the child.
If he or she is begging for more appropriate curriculum, and if
wholeâ•‚grade acceleration is too scary, try subject acceleration.
Once the child does this, be prepared for wholeâ•‚grade accel-
eration. Also, understand that acceleration is not a permanent
solution. Future adjustments, including more acceleration, may
be necessary.” (Name withheld by request)
•â•¢ “Trust your child and the process. Your child needs to want this
so leave it child led and not parent led. If your administrator
is not willing to think outside the box, find someone who is.”
(Name withheld by request)
•â•¢ “Talk to your child. He or she may not want to do it. Ours was
begging for it!” (Name withheld by request)
 Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution 197

•â•¢ “Trust your instincts that this is the right option for your child
then make sure he gets it!” (Sharon Montgomery, whose son
was subject-accelerated 2–3 years ahead of classmates through
middle school and high school)
•â•¢ “Accept that there will be ups and down and roll with the punches.
Obtain the best information and advice, make decisions with
your child’s best interest in mind, ignore the idiots, get help
if/when you need it and don’t beat yourself up if you make a
mistake. Having a sense of humor also helps.” (Colleen Grady)
•â•¢ “If my son had to do everything over again with our current
knowledge, he would have accelerated earlier and more drasti-
cally, skipped more middle school curriculum.” (Student sub-
ject-accelerated from eighth grade to the high school, spending
his junior and senior years in college courses)
•â•¢ “Some people asked me why I was pushing my son. My answer
was that I was not pushing my son, but merely opening doors
he was so desperately trying to get through.” (Parent with child
accelerated from first to third grade)
•â•¢ “I told my son all year to ‘look for the nugget’ during the day,
the one thing he had never heard before. It was 2 months
before it occurred to me that I’d walk out of a conference on
day 2 if I had to sit all day looking for one thing I didn’t already
know.” (Parent of child accelerated from first to third grade)

Here’s what accelerated children said:

•â•¢ “I like to do harder stuff and have it more challenging as my
grade level work is too easy!” (A fourth grader subjectâ•‚accel-
erated to sixth grade math)
•â•¢ “Acceleration made school coursework at least somewhat appro-
priate. While I still didn’t have to work very hard to do well
in school, it was definitely a better fit academically. I was able
to go to a top college sooner. High schools are by nature not
particularly intellectually stimulating.” (A 19â•‚yearâ•‚old Ph.D.
student who had been subjectâ•‚accelerated from first grade to
fourth grade as a child)
198 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ “The positives are easy, there are so many. The negatives are
easy too . . . I was younger than everyone else in my classes.
There is still jealousy and nameâ•‚calling like ‘nerds,’ but that
exists for kids who are gifted and not accelerated too, so you
might as well accelerate!” (Student accelerated two and three
grade levels through middle school)
•â•¢ “Well, I feel good about it. It was really rewarding to be moved
up a grade. The cool thing about it is that you feel that you
have succeeded and have done a really good thing.” (Student
accelerated from fourth to sixth grade)
•â•¢ “I really like being accelerated. The hardest thing was leaving
my best friend behind. Also, starting in a new classroom with
a teacher and kids I didn’t know was a little intimidating. It
was a relief to leave my fifth grade class though. I had more
friends in the sixth grade—friends that were long term. I liked
having more challenging work. It felt good to learn harder
things. Library resources were better also. Everything felt
right!” (Student accelerated from fifth to sixth grade)
•â•¢ “I’m more like the new kids now and I still get good grades!
It’s good because I’m learning new science stuff. It’s a little
more challenging but still easy.” (Child accelerated from first
to third grade)
•â•¢ “More challenging; not being bored and screwing around! I’m
happy when others are jealous that I’m smart versus them being
jealous because I have cool shoes, a new item, or blue eyes.”
(Child accelerated from first to third grade)
•â•¢ “I enjoy the challenge.” (Student accelerated from fifth to sev-
enth grade)

We wouldn’t blink an eye or stop for a second to consult others if
the decision was to accelerate a child gifted in sports. We all under-
stand that in the sports arena, competition without proper challenge
stunts athletic prowess. We would never hold back a gifted soccer or
basketball player to the local recreation league if what he or she really
needed was specialized coaching and the competitive challenge of a
private traveling team, even if others on the team were a year or two
 Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution 199

older. Yet we hesitate, examine, worry, and stew over doing the same
for our academically and intellectually gifted children—a decision
that could affect their academic, intellectual, emotional, and social
wellâ•‚being for years to come.
Gifted children need differentiated education. And, as much as
we’d all love for that to happen within the framework of regular class-
rooms with age peers, we must face the facts; for most gifted children,
in many schools, it just isn’t possible.

Potential Issues and Concerns

When a child is accelerated and problems occur, we’re quick to

blame those problems on the acceleration, forgetting that no one gets
through school without a few problems along the way. Acceleration
is usually not the cause for everyday school concerns. When a child is
accelerated, many factors contribute to a successful experience. There
are negatives, but those expressed by our 20 families are not what you’d
expect. The following is a list of things the parents found problematic:
1. “Ate up time and increased car expenses driving to and from
college classes.”
2. Parents were made to feel guilty by school personnel and
society.
3. “An accelerated child may lack the study skills to learn at higher
levels. These are easily taught, however.”
4. “An accelerated child may lack the stamina to study that older
students have.” Time spent per subject generally increases per
grade, as well as length of papers and amount of homework.
5. “One grade level acceleration may not be enough so other
accommodations may be needed.” The ability to learn quickly
allows gifted children to grasp the advanced curriculum at a
rapid pace. Therefore, they may still need additional stimulation.
6. “Giving up a year with your child because he or she will enter
college earlier than age peers.”
7. “Sports teams are difficult because there’s one year less of prac-
tice under their belts.”
200 parenting gifted children

8. “Extracurricular activities are confusing; if grouped by age she’s

with last year’s classmates, if by grade, she’s with current peers.”
9. “Sometimes he feels teachers ‘dumb down’ things in his class
and he doesn’t know why.”
10. “Accelerations don’t last long. My rule of thumb is that an
acceleration of 1 year will last 1/2 year, and acceleration of 2
years will last 1 year.” The rapidity at which gifted children
learn allows them to quickly absorb the more challenging cur-
riculum of the accelerated classroom. Additional acceleration
may be needed. Keep a careful watch.
11. “We’re constantly having to explain acceleration.”
12. “Regular classroom teachers don’t know how to support such
a child. Parents have to do it.”
13. “Coping with a more demanding workload at a younger age.”
14. “Because of administrative resistance, I put my child through
testing and stress that shouldn’t be necessary.”
15. “People were less than kind and understanding. We were
shocked at the insensitivity and ignorance of adults. We wor-
ried that our son had an all too close glimpse of the ‘ugliness’
of people while he was so young.”

Suggestions for Making a Wise Decision

The following strategies should help parents considering accelera-

tion make the best decision for their child:
•â•¢ Read the research.
•â•¢ Consult local, state, and national organizations for resources.
•â•¢ Consult your state or local gifted coordinator for appropriate
local resources.
•â•¢ Review state and local public school acceleration policy.
•â•¢ Talk to others who have accelerated their children—gifted
chat rooms abound.
•â•¢ Talk to your child.
•â•¢ Trust your instincts.
•â•¢ Never give up!
 Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution 201

Differentiated education is not an extra or a perk deemed necessary

by egotistical, pushy parents. It’s a researchâ•‚supported strategy. The
success of acceleration as a viable option also has stood the test of time.
Research supports the fact that acceleration is easy, cost effective, and
often the best option for gifted children. It does not hurry them out
of childhood or hurt them socially. In fact, as you’ve just read, it can
restore attitudes, motivation, and enthusiasm for learning, as well as
help to solve social problems.
Acceleration is an easy solution. The decision is difficult. Before
you make a decision for your child, consult the research that has served
the test of time, and listen to the parents and students who are doing it.

Resources

Colangelo, N., Assouline, S. G., & Gross, M. U. M. (Eds.). (2004). A nation

deceived: How schools hold back America’s brightest students (Vols. 1–2). Iowa
City: The University of Iowa, The Connie Belin & Jacqueline N. Blank
International Center for Gifted Education and Talent Development.
Colangelo, N., Lupkowskiâ•‚Shoplik, A., Lipscomb, J., Forstadt, L., &
Assouline, S. G. (2002). Iowa acceleration scale manual. Scottsdale, AZ:
Great Potential Press.
Rogers, K. (2002). Reâ•‚forming gifted education: How parents and teachers can
match the program to the child. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.

Author Note

The author extends special thanks to contributing parents: Colleen

Grady, Kris Sigman, Tara Smith, Mary Kay Helba, Andrew Mance, Paige
Stretton, Terry Salvers, Tami Kaminâ•‚Meyer, Wenda Sheard, Karen Whipkey,
Elaine Pelz, Trish Numbers, Sheila Henault, Stephanie Miller, Mary
Brainardâ•‚Thomas, Karen Way, Sharon Montgomery, Laurie Ogbom, Mary
Collier, Deborah Davis, Jan Sladky, and Lori Hise. Quotes from parents
were reprinted with permission from “Acceleration: 22 Parents Speak Out!”
published in the Illinois Association for Gifted Children Journal, 2006.
 Chapter 21
Homeschooling . . . Making
It Work
by Lisa Rivero

H
omeschooling is nothing short of an educational revolution.
Being educated at home is a rapidly changing and growing
schooling option, chosen for nearly one million school-age
children, and no longer a fringe movement or only for families
who homeschool for religious reasons. The most popular reason families
now choose to homeschool is to provide a better education for their
children. Many of these children may be gifted, talented, and otherwise
creative, sensitive, intense, and rapid learners. Homeschooling can be
an appropriate and attractive choice for many gifted children because
of its flexibility of grade levels, pacing, and mixed-age socializing.
Parents of gifted learners cite several reasons for homeschooling.
Some parents have a child for whom classroom education is not a good
academic or social-emotional fit because the child learns extraordinarily
quickly, or is highly creative or sensitive, or has an unusual learning
style. Some parents homeschool to sustain a love of learning. Other
parents homeschool as a last resort, often because the local schools do
not offer or have cut gifted programming. Homeschooling is sometimes
a temporary solution for years when school classroom differentiation
is inadequate or nonexistent.
As a homeschool parent who is actively involved in a homeschool
support group, I know that the decision to homeschool is rarely easy
and that the actual day-to-day experience of homeschooling is time-
consuming and often tiring, especially when the child is a voracious

202
 Homeschooling . . . Making It Work 203

learner or has uneven abilities. At the same time, I know that home-
schooling can be a transformative and extremely satisfying experience
for many families, leading to tremendous personal and educational
growth, and that a self-directed approach to learning frees up parent
time and allows children to start on the path of lifelong learning.
For this growth to occur, however, families need to take the time
to reflect on some important questions: Why are you homeschooling or
thinking about homeschooling? What are your state’s homeschool laws?
What unique benefits are available through homeschooling? What are
your child’s unique educational needs? What are your child’s strengths
and passions? How will you address weak areas and gaps? How will
you use the time left over—one of the benefits of homeschooling?
This article will bring these questions into focus, help parents to
know if homeschooling is right for them and help families who do choose
to homeschool get off to a good start. Rather than specific recommenda-
tions for curriculum resources or a list of what needs to be learned when,
you will find suggestions for ways to think about what I consider the
more important issues of homeschooling—parenting, use of time, and
consideration of children’s interests and individual needs—issues that
will help you to develop a personal philosophy of education.

A Customized Mission Statement

Your reasons for homeschooling will be unique to your family.

Some families homeschool to provide for learning needs not met in
schools. Others homeschool because frequent family moves make
school transitions difficult, such as when a parent is in the military.
Some families homeschool to offer a more nurturing social-emotional
environment. And some families homeschool because they believe
strongly in the parents’ ultimate responsibility to educate their children.
Take the time to think about exactly why you are considering
homeschooling and what you expect homeschooling to accomplish.
Be specific. For example, you might say that homeschooling will offer
your children more challenge. What kind of challenge? In what areas?
How will you provide for more challenge? Through different curricu-
204 parenting gifted children

lum materials? Individual pacing? More depth and breadth? Or sup-

pose you are homeschooling because your child is unusually sensitive.
How will homeschooling address the child’s social-emotional needs
in ways that are different from other educational settings? Will you
use bibliotherapy—growth through reading? Small social gatherings?
How will you help a highly sensitive child to reach adulthood with self-
understanding and confidence? The perception that there is a problem
of socialization in homeschooling is a myth. Homeschooling allows
children to develop social skills through cooperative learning groups,
mixed-aged friendships, volunteering, and mentoring, and a greater
awareness of real life outside the classroom.
After you’ve focused on your reasons for homeschooling and have
thought about the specific questions related to those reasons, you are
ready to write a mission statement for your homeschool. Include all
family members in this activity. Explain that a mission statement is
simply a statement of purpose and direction, that it should be positive
rather than negative in tone, and that it should be written clearly, in one
to several sentences. The mission statement will not go into great detail
about how you will homeschool, but it should clarify why you choose
to homeschool and what you expect to gain from homeschooling.
One family’s homeschool mission statement reads as follows: “Our
homeschool exists to provide each child with an education tailored to
individual passions, goals, and needs; to strengthen our family rela-
tionships; and to help each family member to be emotionally healthy.”
Note that this family has three primary reasons for homeschooling: (a)
to tailor education to the children’s passions, goals, and needs; (b) to
strengthen family relationships; and (c) to nurture emotional health. By
stating their goals, the family can more easily make specific decisions
about how to homeschool by asking themselves whether curriculum
and other education decisions support their mission statement.
Be prepared for your reasons for homeschooling to change. Just as
corporations periodically review and revise their mission statements,
homeschool families should occasionally ask themselves if their mis-
sion statement still reflects their purpose and direction. For example,
we began homeschooling primarily to promote a love of learning, to
allow our son to get to know himself as a learner, and to have more
 Homeschooling . . . Making It Work 205

time together as a family. After about a year, those goals had been
met, and we reevaluated our reasons for homeschooling, which now
included concentration on and development of passion areas. After
another year, our son was ready to include more self-direction in his
education. Our mission statement has changed to reflect his changing
needs and interests.

Homeschool Laws

After you know why you are homeschooling, you need to know
what the law says. Homeschooling is legal in all 50 states, but each
state has its own laws and requirements. Some states have minimal
regulations, requiring only a signed statement of intent. Other states
require testing, specific curricula or courses of study, or review by a
certified teacher or individual school district.
You can get a copy of your state’s homeschool laws from the state
department of education, found on the Internet or listed in your phone
book under state government agencies. Call or write to request a copy
of the state law, then read the law carefully, and be sure that you under-
stand the requirements for record keeping, testing, hours per day or
days per year of instruction, and subjects to be studied.

Relationship Comes First

Once you understand homeschooling requirements, you may be

eager to leap into the world of lessons and learning at home. Wait.
Before you buy curriculum materials, before you plan for assessments
and schedules, focus on your relationship with your children. Is it
healthy and strong? Does it need a little work? Can it be better? How
will homeschooling affect the relationship?
Homeschooling often makes for better parents, because good par-
enting skills are easier to develop when you can be with your children
during the day, rather than only during rushed mornings and tired
evenings. Put your relationship with your child first by practicing the
206 parenting gifted children

skills of active listening, special time, and acceptance of feelings. When

your child is frustrated by a learning task (“I hate math!”), listen to
the child’s concerns and ask questions for clarification before worrying
about whether the schoolwork is getting finished on time. When a day
is particularly stressful, stop all educational activities and spend a few
one-on-one moments with your child doing what he or she wants to
do—playing a game, taking a walk, or simply having a conversation
about something of interest to the child. If your child is fearful of a
particular topic of study, such as spiders or wars, accept those feelings,
and realize that they will affect how the topic is learned, rather than
treat feelings as separate from learning.
Remember to plan for your own needs. Everyone needs alone time
or down time, and parents who homeschool must work harder than
other parents to find ways to take a break, to have some alone time, and
to seek adult companionship. Accepting and addressing your personal
concerns and needs is more effective than pretending they don’t exist.
When you plan for your own needs, it will be easier to meet the needs
of your children without resentment or anxiety, leading to a stronger
parent-child relationship and giving you more mental energy for home-
school subjects and schedules. You may need to swap child-care duties
occasionally with a fellow homeschool parent, or schedule time during
the day when children are expected to read or play quietly. Ask your
children’s librarian about other homeschool families in your area and
local homeschool support groups.

A Custom-Made Curriculum Plan

Many people imagine a typical homeschooling day like this: Start

promptly at 9 a.m.; have about an hour each of math, science, reading,
writing, and social studies with regular but less frequent times inter-
spersed for physical education, art and music, and perhaps a foreign
language; end at about 3:30 p.m.; and do homework in the evening.
This school day is based on a traditional course of study of core sub-
jects that is generic for all students. Parents and teachers know, however,
that each child learns at a different pace. What one child learns in one
 Homeschooling . . . Making It Work 207

hour in a given subject could take another child 20 minutes. Another

student will need 90 minutes, and yet another will know the material
before the study begins. Similarly, not all children learn best at the same
time of day. Some of us are morning people. Some of us work best later
in the day. And some children seem to be ready to learn all the time!
Homeschool parents have the freedom to individualize learning
for their children by scheduling learning for optimal times. Some
homeschool families don’t start their homeschool day until late in the
morning or early afternoon, but continue strong through the evening.
Other homeschool families take advantage of early morning hours and
finish by lunchtime. Still others don’t distinguish between homeschool
time and non-homeschool time. For these families, learning continues
as it did in the preschool years, all of the time. A homeschool schedule
can adapt to the child and the family.
Parents can tailor learning to each child by choosing curriculum
materials and activities suited to children’s individual learning styles
and preferences. One child might learn math best with manipulatives,
while another child might prefer to learn the same concepts using a
computer program. Homeschool parents can get ideas for curriculum
materials from teacher supply stores, libraries, publishers of gifted
education materials, gifted and homeschooling conferences, and their
local schools. Bookstores and libraries carry homeschool resource books,
some of which list resources by age, grade level, and learning style.
Parents can individualize learning by allowing children to work at
their own pace within the allotted time for a given subject. Some students
will move on to the next level sooner than average; others will take a bit
longer. Because homeschool students can take as much or little time as
they need to learn a specific concept or skill, little time is wasted.

Time Left Over

Homeschooling is an efficient way to learn. Because of the effec-

tiveness of individual study and one-on-one teaching, families who
homeschool often find that they can accomplish in 2 to 4 hours of
focused work what classroom students accomplish in a full school day.
208 parenting gifted children

Children who are gifted learners often begin the school year knowing
up to one-half of what they are expected to learn that year. It doesn’t
take a math major to see how homeschooling can free up valuable time.
Time does not need to be spent waiting for others to catch up or on
busy work. Instead, homeschool students can use extra time to develop
higher level thinking, creative learning, and self-directed study skills.
Some homeschool students broaden their knowledge with extensive
leisure reading, field trips to museums and zoos, and conversations
with friends and family. Other students explore areas of interest not
normally included in the school day, such as computer programming,
or specialize in a particular talent or passion, such as writing or math.
A child’s strengths and passions often are the keys to successful learning.

Strengths and Passions

Homeschooling offers a valuable opportunity to make children’s

strengths and passions an integral part of their learning. If you don’t
know quite where to start with homeschooling, and especially if you are
homeschooling reluctant learners, ask your children what they would
like to study. Tell them anything goes, that no subject is unimportant
or off-limits. Some children will choose core subject areas, such as
math, science, or reading. Others will want to delve into less traditional
topics, such as car engines, bread baking, or comic books.
Veteran homeschool parents realize that nearly any subject can be
expanded to include core subjects. A study of car engines can include
physics and history. Successful bread baking requires math—including
fractions—and being able to follow sequential instructions. A passion
for comic books can lead to a deeper understanding of art and written
expression. All of these topics include reading skills. If you are worried
that by letting children guide their own learning, they will miss out on
important areas of study, keep in mind that you have the gift of time
to figure out how to fit everything in. In the beginning, nurturing a
love of learning is the first priority.
Don’t be surprised if your child has surpassed your own skills and
knowledge in one or more subjects. Homeschool parents often use
 Homeschooling . . . Making It Work 209

mentors, community classes, distance-learning programs, and talent

search programs to allow their children to learn at appropriately high
levels. In some states, homeschool children can attend public school
part-time to take core or extracurricular classes as a supplement to
homeschooling. This option is particularly attractive to homeschool
teens that need advanced science, math, or Advanced Placement classes.

Gaps and Weak Areas

Because of the asynchronous development of gifted learners, many

children with high ability and potential have gaps and areas of weak-
ness in comparison to areas of strength. One child may be ready to
work several grade levels ahead of age-peers in math, but may progress
more slowly in written expression. A different child may write and read
at advanced levels, but may take longer than usual to learn arithmetic.
Even within a given subject area, a child may show uneven develop-
ment. A child may read silently and with great comprehension books
at adult levels, but not yet know correct pronunciation or basic rules of
grammar. Or a child may have a firm grasp of algebraic concepts, but
not have memorized multiplication facts.
We often use “weakness” to describe areas of study that do not
come easily to a child, and “gaps” to describe knowledge or skills a child
has not yet learned, but should have learned according to grade-based
standards. Homeschool parents may be tempted to start homeschooling
by aggressively addressing these weaknesses or gaps with a program
of extensive drill and repetition, often at the expense of higher level
thinking or more satisfying learning. A better plan is to find creative
ways for children to strengthen their skills and fill in the gaps. Two
particularly effective strategies are (a) to use knowledge of children’s
learning styles and (b) to encourage interdisciplinary study.
If parents do not know or understand their children’s preferred
learning styles, several resources can help them to pinpoint how their
children learn best. Once you know your children’s learning styles and
preferences, apply this knowledge to learning tasks. If a kinesthetic
learner is struggling with an addition math workbook, for example,
210 parenting gifted children

allow the child to learn addition facts using a hopscotch grid or with
manipulatives such as dice or beads. A child who learns best visually
can make a poster of addition facts, using different colors to distinguish
fact groups. An auditory learner can listen to and recite addition facts
in the car or while playing with clay. Some highly gifted children have
more than one preferred learning style. Such children will learn best
with a combination of approaches and activities.
Interdisciplinary study can help a child to approach a difficult
subject or skill in a new way. A child who has difficulty with spelling
may be more motivated if spelling words are tied to reading choices
about a topic of interest, such as horses. At the same time, the child
can write stories about horses, including the spelling words. If a child
resists science but loves history, parents can look for books that combine
the two subjects, such as children’s biographies of famous scientists or
those about the history of scientific inventions.
Another strategy for helping children to learn information and
skills they would otherwise avoid is to practice what one parent calls
“stealth homeschooling.” This nonintrusive approach to learning includes
watching entertaining but educational television and videos, listening to
audiotapes, and playing board and card games that include incidental
learning. One 13-year-old student who has homeschooled for 8 years
suggests that parents place interesting activities and reading at various
places in the house, such as the kitchen table or living room sofa, so that
children’s interests will be piqued without coercion or pressure.

One Day, One Year at a Time

Don’t try to do everything at once. If you are interested in home-

schooling, but don’t want to commit yourself to several years of teaching
your children at home, treat the first year as a trial year. Remember,
the decision to homeschool is not irrevocable. After one year, you can
always decide that homeschooling is not the best option for your family
after all. Meanwhile, your family will have had the valuable experience
of getting to know one another better, and you will understand your
 Homeschooling . . . Making It Work 211

children as learners in a new way. Families also can “practice” home-

schooling during holiday breaks, the summer, or on a weekend.
Homeschooling often is misunderstood, and you will occasionally
need to explain or even defend your choices. Many homeschool parents
cite a lack of understanding from family and society as their biggest
challenge. One homeschool parent explains,

The biggest problem is my mother. She does not believe in

homeschooling, and she puts herself in opposition to every-
thing we do. I still do what I think is right for our child, but
the lack of moral support and the negative attitude of close
relatives is a big challenge.

Another parent is frustrated by society’s constraints on children:

My biggest challenge has been dealing with society. The chil-

dren can’t go out during the day, because our community has a
daytime curfew. They can’t volunteer until they’re 16. In many
people’s eyes, children are a nuisance rather than fellow human
beings who want to learn to become adults.

Time spent at the beginning of homeschooling focusing on your per-

sonal reasons for homeschooling and developing a homeschool philoso-
phy and mission statement will help you stand up to potential criticism.
The best defense is a purpose and a plan in which you believe.

Conclusion: The Decision to Homeschool

Homeschooling is not the right fit for every family. Families who
are successful at homeschooling enjoy being with their children most
of the time, are flexible in their attitude and approach, put their child’s
needs ahead of generic guidelines and timetables, and are willing to
rethink many of the accepted beliefs about learning and education.
But even families who find that homeschooling is not the right choice
for their children can learn from homeschoolers, just as homeschool-
212 parenting gifted children

ers have learned from what does and doesn’t work in the classroom.
Homeschooling has the potential to revolutionize how we view life and
learning, but only if we open our minds to new possibilities.
For our family, homeschooling has allowed our son to rediscover his
passion for learning and to get to know himself as a learner, to soar in
areas of strength and interest, and to learn joyfully in areas that come
less easily. Homeschooling has allowed me to view learning in a new
and exciting way, to learn or relearn aspects of history and math and
science that I either never learned or had forgotten, and to challenge
myself to set high personal goals as an adult learner. For this positive
growth to occur for our family, however, we as parents first had to focus
on why we were homeschooling in the first place, what we expected
from homeschooling, and how to adapt homeschooling to our child,
rather than vice versa.
If you decide that homeschooling is a good fit for your children and
family, you are in for an exciting journey! Hang on, let go of expecta-
tions, remove all barriers and ceilings, and enjoy the ride.

Resources

Books About Homeschooling

Albert, D. (1999). And the skylark sings with me: Adventures in homeschooling and
community based education. Gabriola Island, BC: New Society Publishers.
Colfax, D., & Colfax, M. (1998). Homeschooling for excellence. New York, NY:
Warner.
Dobson, L. (2000). Homeschoolers’ success stories: 15 adults and 12 young people
share the impact that homeschooling has made on their lives. Roseville, CA:
Prima Publishing.
Guterson, D. (1993). Family matters: Why homeschooling makes sense. New York,
NY: Harcourt Brace.
Leistico, A. (1997). I learn better by teaching myself. Still teaching ourselves
(Combined ed.). Cambridge, MA: Holt Associates.
Llewellyn, G. (1996). Freedom challenge: African-American homeschoolers.
Eugene, OR: Lowry House.
 Homeschooling . . . Making It Work 213

Rivero, L. (2002). Creative homeschooling for gifted children: A resource guide.

Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Rowland, H. S. (1975). No more school: An American family’s experiment in
education. New York, NY: Dutton.
Sheffer, S. (1992). Writing because we love to: Homeschoolers at work. Portsmouth,
NH: Boynton/Cook Heinemann.

Books About Learning and Parenting

Amabile, T. (1989). Growing up creative: Nurturing a lifetime of creativity. New

York, NY: Crown Publishers.
Barbe, W. (1985). Growing up learning: The key to your child’s potential.
Washington, DC: Acropolis Books.
Barron-Tieger, B., & Tieger, P. (1997). Nurture by nature: Understanding
your child’s personality type—and become a better parent. New York, NY:
Little, Brown.
Covey, S. (1997). The 7 habits of highly effective families: Building a beautiful
family culture in a turbulent world. New York, NY: Golden Books.
Dunn, R., Dunn, K., & Perrin, J. (1994). Teaching young children through their
individual learning styles: Practical approaches for grades K–12. Boston, MA:
Allyn & Bacon.
Llewellyn, G., & Silver, A. (2001). Guerrilla learning: How to give your kids a
real education with or without school. New York, NY: Wiley.
Vitale, B. M. (1982). Unicorns are real: A right-brained approach to learning.
Rolling Hills Estates, CA: Jalmar Press.
Williams, L. V. (1983). Teaching for the two-sided mind: A guide to right brain/
left brain education. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

Websites

A to Z Home’s Cool—http://www.gomilpitas.com/homeschooling
Home Education Magazine—http://www.homeedmag.com
Homeschooling the Highly Gifted—http://www.hollingworth.org/homesc.html
Jon’s Homeschool Resource Page—http://www.midnightbeach.com/hs
Smart Kid at Home—http://www.smartkidathome.com
Families of the Talented and Gifted—http://www.tagfam.org
 Chapter 22
Is Homeschooling Right for
Your Child?
by Vicki Caruana

Y
our son is in the first grade and enrolled in a part-time gifted
program at school. However, his regular classroom teacher is not
interested in or willing to enrich the everyday curriculum. You
realize that your child might be incredibly bored for the remain-
der of his elementary years! This seems like cruel and unusual punishment,
especially since he already is starting to shut down due to apathy. You are
willing to accelerate him to the next grade level, even though you don’t prefer
it. Unfortunately, skipping grades is not even an option because it is not the
district’s policy to move students ahead. You feel you have nowhere else to
turn. What do you do?

Homeschooling is something you have entertained only briefly in
the past. Now, however, the idea intrigues you. You may be wonder-
ing if homeschooling is right for your child. But could you really do
it? What would people say? What would your son say? What about
socialization? The questions are endless. Take a deep breath and read
on. Parents who school their children at home believe it is right for their
family and the best educational opportunity for their children. When
asked why they have chosen such an undertaking, parents respond with
a variety of reasons, including, “Because I wanted that special bond.”
One parent stated that “I am and have always been my children’s first
and best teacher. I know them better and love them more than any
other teacher possibly could.”

214
 Is Homeschooling Right for Your Child? 215

Myths About Homeschooling

Many people wonder if homeschoolers are isolated to such a degree

that they don’t interact well with others, especially now that coop-
erative learning by working in groups is popular in public schools.
Homeschooled children seem to be as well-adjusted socially as children
who attend school. Many homeschoolers have the advantage of learning
with their siblings in multiaged groups. Others also belong to coops
in which groups of families get together to teach around a preselected
theme such as the Old West or medieval times. Many homeschoolers
also belong to scouting groups, organizations like 4H, church youth
groups, athletic teams, and other interactive groups in their commu-
nities. Still others participate in public school activities like band, art,
or clubs. Many states have ruled that homeschoolers have the right to
participate in public school programs such as special education, band,
and sports. Not only is this a good opportunity to maintain social
interactions with their peers, but it also keeps the parent in touch with
what is going on in the schools. Additionally, if you decide to put your
child back into school, he or she will already have friends, and you will
already have contacts yourself.
Many critics mistakenly believe that all homeschoolers are truant.
On the contrary, homeschooling regulations are strong incentives for
parents to ensure that their children receive instruction as least as
rigorous as their public or private school peers. Homeschool parents
are registered with their local school board through the state’s Parent
Educators Association (PEA) or under the umbrella of a private school.
They are accountable for the time spent on schoolwork. Homeschoolers
must have explicit lesson plans ready to be reviewed by a county or
state official at a moment’s notice. And just like publicly or privately
schooled children, homeschoolers are tested at the end of each school
year to gauge their progress.
Distrust of the parent’s qualifications leads some people to assume
that homeschooled children couldn’t possibly be learning all they need
to know. Standardized test scores tell a different story. Homeschoolers,
on average, score higher than either publicly or privately schooled chil-
dren. Some major universities hunt for homeschooled students, because
216 parenting gifted children

they often are more focused academically and seem to adjust to high
standards readily.

Is Homeschooling for Every Family?

There are a number of reasons that homeschooling might not be

right for your family. Remember, this commitment affects the entire
family. For example, if both parents must work, homeschooling full
time may not be possible. Other parents choose not to homeschool
if their child has a learning problem they feel inadequate to address.
Another reason not to homeschool might be that you already have
incredible demands on your time that you do not desire to change.
Also, if your spouse is completely against the idea, homeschooling
may not work for you because it takes the support of both parents to
be effective. Likewise, you might not be entirely convinced yourself
that homeschooling is right for your family. Or, you may be comfort-
able with your previous decision of either private or public school. On
the other hand, do homeschool if you wholeheartedly believe that it is
the best decision for you and your family. Do homeschool if you are
not satisfied with the educational system available to your child. Do
homeschool if both parents are committed, keeping in mind that this
may turn out to be a long-term commitment and is a great undertak-
ing, one that requires careful planning and a special kind of courage.
A teaching certificate is not required, but homeschooling does require
an attitude that expresses “I am my child’s best teacher!” This attitude
and confidence seem to be enough for a parent to do whatever it takes
to make sure this choice is a successful one.

What Are the Advantages of

Homeschooling a Gifted Child?

Gifted children love to explore topics in depth. Unfortunately, such

explorations are not always possible at school. If you homeschool your
child, you can teach your child important learning and thinking skills
 Is Homeschooling Right for Your Child? 217

while focusing on a particular theme. This approach is called the Unit

Study Approach. Gifted education teachers have taught this way since
gifted programming began. For example, take a topic such as “Ocean
Life” and build reading, spelling, writing, math, science, and history
lessons around it. Students can read books on ocean life, pull spell-
ing words from those books, write stories, practice handwriting, and
learn grammar using this topic. Students can calculate the different
populations of ocean life and graph the results, they can learn about
the different species that live in the world’s oceans, and they can look
at how the oceans have historically affected our lives.

How Long to Homeschool?

Once a parent decides to homeschool, the question of how long

naturally follows. Many choose from the following options:
•â•¢ Kindergarten through third grade: Many want to homeschool
during the primary grades because they believe they haven’t
finished laying that all important foundation that allows their
child to thrive academically and socially.
•â•¢ Short term: If a child was pulled from school for remedial rea-
sons, a short-term situation can place him or her back in school
when ready.
•â•¢ Until college: Some choose to homeschool for the duration of
their child’s schooling until college.

There is a prescriptive time frame for homeschooling. Some parents
decide to take it one year at a time. Unfortunately, taking homeschool-
ing a year at a time may be distracting as you may fear that your child
will lag behind his or her public or private school peers. Making a
decision to stick with homeschooling for several years is more advis-
able. A longer time frame offers you more flexibility in what and how
you teach. You won’t be as concerned with following the school’s cur-
riculum as you would be if you were anticipating putting your child
back in school the next year.
218 parenting gifted children

What if I Can’t Homeschool Full-Time?

There are many situations that might lead parents to believe they
could not homeschool even though they desperately want to. What if
you are a single parent? What if you strongly believe that homeschool-
ing is what is best for your child, yet your spouse is dead set against it?
What if both parents work full-time just to make ends meet? What if
you have a physical or health limitation that makes homeschooling too
intimidating to undertake? Or what if you are curious about home-
schooling, but you aren’t ready to do it full-time? These are all valid
concerns. The first step to homeschooling part-time is to identify the
area of greatest need for your child. Obviously, you will not be able to
teach a comprehensive curriculum on a limited basis, nor should you
as it would only frustrate your child. You need to proceed with cau-
tion so that your child doesn’t come home from school just in time to
face more school at home. Is your child experiencing gaps in his or her
learning at school? Is it difficult for him or her to keep up? You could
start by providing remediation. Or if your child is not being properly
challenged, you can enrich the curriculum with additional investiga-
tions into the school’s current topic of study. These are all ways to infuse
homeschooling into the school year.
The summer is a great time to try out homeschooling. If you are a
stay-at-home parent, you could homeschool full-time during the sum-
mer as it is a great time to do a unit study as described above. Let your
child choose the summer’s topic. My sons chose insect life this past
summer. (It was definitely not my first choice. I wanted to do inventors
and inventions, but I was outvoted.) Topics such as the ocean, space,
and dinosaurs are great for theme teaching and easily provide activities
for a variety of levels.
Even if you work full-time, the summer also is a good time to
homeschool. Keep young minds working year-round. Don’t just let
one of the many summer camps have all the influence. Again, choose
a theme and build in time to explore it, possibly with trips to museums
and other attractions. Follow up any trip with some kind of writing
assignment or creative expression.
 Is Homeschooling Right for Your Child? 219

Depending on the age of your child, he or she may be apprehensive

about your teaching. Try not to make it a big deal; treat it as a natural
occurrence. The summer would be a good time to get to know full-time
homeschooling families through a coop or on a field trip. Spending
time with other homeschoolers will help you build a support system
that will be in place should you decide to homeschool full-time.
Full-time homeschoolers who are currently at a crossroads may
benefit from knowing that if they choose to put their child back into a
traditional school setting, it doesn’t preclude them from homeschool-
ing on a part-time basis. The way we meet our child’s needs may vary
as much as the needs themselves. That’s the beauty of homeschooling.
Many parents thinking about homeschooling their children ask
the following questions: How do I start? What do I need? Where do
I get in touch with others? How do I secure teaching materials? How
do I homeschool legally? There are many books on this subject. In
addition, there are homeschooling associations in every state, as well
as support groups, teaching coops, annual conventions, and websites.
Another good way to draw strength, ideas, and valuable insights for
teaching your own child is by attending local and state homeschooling
conferences. They are relatively inexpensive to attend and offer a wealth
of information and fellowship. There also are local support groups that
meet monthly and would be happy to offer encouragement. You can
find listings of area conferences and support groups by either contact-
ing your local school board or looking for your state’s homeschooling
website. Below is a list of basic steps to take should you decide to pursue
homeschooling. Each state’s guidelines may be more or less stringent.
•â•¢ Contact your local school board and ask them to send you the
homeschooling regulations for your state.
•â•¢ Contact your area homeschool support group and find out
when they next meet. Attend that next meeting.
•â•¢ Generally, you need to fill out a letter of intent to send to your
state department of education telling them of your intention
to homeschool your child.
•â•¢ Determine your child’s academic needs.
•â•¢ Secure the necessary curriculum. First-year homeschoolers
usually purchase a complete curriculum that is already laid out
220 parenting gifted children

for them step by step. You can buy new or find out about used
curriculum sales from your area support group.
•â•¢ Obtain a lesson plan book or something comparable.
•â•¢ Determine, according to guidelines from the state, how many
hours per day you will conduct school. Make a plan for each
day.
•â•¢ Start teaching!

Depending on your state guidelines, you may be required to have
your child evaluated at the end of each school year. Your child most
likely will be able to sit in with the public school children to be tested,
or you can hire a certified teacher to administer the test. Which test
you give is determined by the state. Check your requirements carefully.

Resources

American Homeschool Association—http://americanhomeschoolassociation.org

Homeschool World—http://www.home-school.com
National Home Education Research Institute—http://www.nheri.org
 Chapter 23
Differentiated Instruction for
Young Gifted Children:
How Parents Can Help
by Joan Franklin Smutny

I look at my twins and wonder if differentiating will work at this

young age. Yes, they’re gifted. But there are a lot of traits that make
them typical young kids. They scramble around in the yard creating
elaborate games; they have to touch everything, get into every closed
box and forbidden object they can. Frankly, I don’t think the twins
are concerned about the fact that things come easily to them. When
they lose interest, it’s mostly because the process isn’t imaginative or
active enough for them.—Father of twin first graders

P
arents of young gifted children voice common concerns about
what often is presented to them as “differentiated instruc-
tion.” What benefits will my gifted child receive through this
approach? How effective is it for young children generally? How
responsive is it to differences between and within cultural groups? Does
it provide for the creative as well as academic needs of my gifted child?
What can I do at home or at school to support this approach?
During the primary years, children manifest a wider range of dif-
ferences than older learners. As a general rule, the younger the age
group, the more dramatic variations within the group and the more
likely that the differences you see in school performance reflect deeper
differences in developmental level. Add to this the influence of culture,

221
222 parenting gifted children

When my child started school, I found that the school had an

arrangement for students at different levels of literacy. My child and
several others were put in a cluster group for advanced readers. At
our school, differentiating is a way of making lessons more or less
difficult, or allowing kids to work faster or slower. I guess what I
wonder is, “How is this different from the old reading groups we had
as kids?”—Mother of a kindergartener

Last year, we had a couple of college professors work with our

elementary school on differentiating. We have a lot of bilingual and
immigrant kids. I liked that they focused on the bilingual and cultural
issue, and I felt that they helped a lot of teachers figure out ways to
serve more students in this multicultural setting. But my child is bilingual
and gifted, and I didn’t feel they were tuned into the differences within
our population.—Mother of a bilingual second grader

special ability, and language, and you have a classroom where the range
of knowledge and understanding in any given subject can span at least
several years. The need for differentiated instruction in the primary
grades is therefore very great.
Fundamentally, differentiating is about honoring the individual-
ity of the child and letting that guide what and how he or she learns.
Understanding the learners, therefore, becomes the foundation stone
upon which every decision about the child’s education rests. Despite
their inexperience in school, primary grade children bring worlds of
knowledge, skill, experiences, traditions, impressions, tastes, values,
and ideas to the classroom. They already have learned more in the
years before school than they are likely to learn again in a span of 4 or
5 years. Once they enter the classroom, questions immediately arise:
•â•¢ What special abilities and skills do these children have?
•â•¢ What life experiences and knowledge have they gained outside
of school (this could include exposure to a wide range of areas—
animals, farming, auto mechanics, architecture, storytelling,
music, etc.)?
•â•¢ What special interests do they have? To what materials and
activities are they continually drawn?
•â•¢ What are their learning styles? How do they best absorb new
information? Apply concepts?
 Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children 223

•â•¢ What cultural heritage do they have? What languages do they

speak?

You will find that primary classrooms today are colorful and vibrant
learning places, especially compared to those of former years, when
children sat crammed into rows of straightâ•‚backed chairs silently doing
pencil and paper tasks. In those days, few primary schools concerned
themselves with the needs of individual children, especially gifted
children. But as the quotes at the beginning of this article illustrate,
today you are more likely to find teachers who differentiate for young
gifted children. The most commonly used strategies are compacting,
learning stations, tiered activities, and clustering. For readers who have
not encountered these strategies in their child’s classroom, here are
examples of what you might see:
•â•¢ Compacting. A girl comes to second grade already knowing
most of the math for the first half of the year. Her teacher uses
compacting to enable her to skip content she already knows and
move on to more advanced work. This involves: (a) deciding
what concepts, knowledge, and skills in the unit are essential
for all students to master; (b) determining, on the basis of some
form of preassessment, what areas the child can skip; and (c)
exploring with the child what alternative project she can do.
This could be a more accelerated and more complex version of
the assignment, another assignment in the same subject but
in the child’s area of interest, or an independent project on a
topic of her choosing. The teacher usually creates a learning
contract that specifies the project or task the child will do and
the materials she will use, as well as the criteria, learning goals,
and timeline for completing the assignment.
•â•¢ Learning Stations. A multicultural first grade class has chil-
dren at all different levels of ability and skill. The teacher uses
learning stations to accommodate these differences. Learning
stations are designated areas of the classroom where students
can work on different tasks within a unit. These areas often
are sequential, with each one representing a higher level of
complexity than the one before it. Students can move freely
224 parenting gifted children

from one task to the next as they master the material (they are
not identified and locked into any particular “level”).
•â•¢ Tiered Activities. A thirdâ•‚grade boy attends a class where tiered
activities are the norm. Like learning stations, tiered assignments
demand different levels of mastery and provide different degrees of
complexity. The idea behind tiered activities is that all students—
regardless of differences in ability, skill, and experience—can
focus on the same learning goal if this goal is broad enough to
accommodate them. For example, a language arts class might
focus on having students understand “point of view.” At one table,
the kids write descriptions of themselves as though they are a
character in a popular fairytale and what they think about the
other characters in the story. At another table, the kids take this a
step further and write an essay on how they, as this character, feel
about the whole story. Whose story is it? Do they agree with it?
At another location, kids choose a character and write a fractured
fairytale based on this character’s point of view.
•â•¢ Clustering. Several students in a kindergarten class are sig-
nificantly ahead of their classmates in reading and math. The
teacher decides to cluster these students in order to give them
more advanced content. After giving the class a new assign-
ment, the teacher spends some time instructing the cluster
group and then gives them assignments or projects related to
what the rest of the class is doing, but on a level that demands
a greater mastery of skills and concepts, a higher level of think-
ing, and creative reasoning or imagining. As a rule, gifted
students don’t get enough time to work with other gifted stu-
dents, and, for this reason, cluster groups are urgently needed
in the primary grades. They significantly increase the quality
of learning that happens when highâ•‚ability students pool their
talents and experiences. Sometimes two teachers in the same
grade will combine their cluster groups and take turns working
with them. A knowledgeable parent also can perform this role.

Differentiating focuses on three areas—the content (subject, con-
cepts, information, skills); the process (handsâ•‚on activities, applica-
 Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children 225

tions of learning in new situations); and products (the work your child
does—writing, drawings, math problems, science experiments, etc.).
The question that parents of young gifted children often raise is, “To
what extent does differentiating go beyond adjusting the pace and level
of difficulty in a lesson or unit?” Compacting, learning stations, tiered
activities, and clustering may ensure that children don’t repeat content
they already know, but these options in practice don’t always address
alternative learning styles or the need young gifted students have to
do more creative work. To be carried out well, differentiation involves
a variety of factors for the teacher to consider. Let’s consider several
suggestions about ways you can contribute to making differentiation
powerful and positive for your child.

Supporting Differentiated Instruction in the Home

In many ways, differentiated instruction, especially for young chil-

dren, begins in the home. Parents know their child more intimately
than anyone else. They’ve observed her strengths and weaknesses, her
passions and interests, and they understand what situations frustrate
or stimulate her. Over the years, they’ve gained a wealth of knowledge
and insight into how, when, and why their child learns best and into the
situations or experiences that tend to induce confidence or disappoint-
ment, apprehension or determination, fear or exhilaration. For these
reasons, they are in a unique position to respond in an immediate and
spontaneous way to their child’s learning needs. Here are two examples:

My son is a naturalist. From his earliest years, he quickly

picked up the names of different plants and animals that people
would mention. When he started reading at age 4, we bought
him some nature books. He would pore over these books. At
one point, though, I realized that just rattling off the names
of different species was mostly an exercise in memory. It didn’t
really apply to anything or demand much thought. So, I took
him off to the woods and fields one day and wondered out loud
what this or that bird or plant was. We brought our field guides
226 parenting gifted children

and debated the possibilities. He was thrilled! This has evolved

into he and I taking a few naturalist workshops together and
doing art and science projects.—Mother of second grader

My daughter loves to read. Towards the end of the day, she

skulks off to a corner and reads for a couple of hours before
dinner. My wife and I had this idea one day of having a family
book club. We both enjoy children’s books anyway and as my
daughter reads pretty advanced stuff, we thought: Why don’t
we all read at least some of the same books and then have
discussions? This has been wonderful for our family, but it’s
helped my daughter the most. She used to struggle expressing
herself out loud. Our discussions have gotten her to come out
of herself more and think more deeply about what she’s read-
ing.—Father of third grader

These parents are doing, in a natural way, what teachers do in a dif-

ferentiated classroom—creating projects that inspire creative thinking
and reasoning, and providing resources that pique the child’s curiosity
and stimulate a hunger to learn more. Experiences like this in the home
are vital for a young child’s emerging sense of himself as a learner and
instill, in his earliest years, an anticipation and excitement for discovery.
In her book, The Sense of Wonder, Rachel Carson illustrated the impor-
tance of these early experiences best when she wrote:

When Roger has visited me in Maine and we have walked in

these woods I have made no conscious effort to name plants
or animals nor to explain to him, but have just expressed my
own pleasure in what we see, calling his attention to this or
that but only as I would share discoveries with an older person.
Later I have been amazed at the way names stick in his mind,
for when I show color slides of my woods plants it is Roger
who can identify them. “Oh, that’s what Rachel likes—that’s
bunchberry!” Or, “That’s Jumer (juniper) but you can’t eat those
green berries—they are for the squirrels.” I am sure no amount
of drill would have implanted the names so firmly as just going
 Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children 227

through the woods in the spirit of two friends on an expedition

of exciting discovery. (p. 23)

Like Roger, young gifted children build on their knowledge by

exploring their environment. They finger, touch, taste, and shape what-
ever they can get their hands on. They carry a “sense of wonder” every-
where they go. The world bombards their eyes, ears, nose, and tastebuds
with multiple and complex sensations. The beauty of Canadian geese
flying south at dusk awes them; the pounding beat of the bass from a
passing car radio shakes them to their bones; the gentle breeze that
sends the fallen leaves into a halfhearted spin makes them want to leap
into the air; the pelting rain against their skin feels like a whipping
from the sky.
Young gifted children crave artistic and creative ways to express
these keenly felt impressions. But as practiced in the schools, differen-
tiated instruction does not always address the sensibility and artistry
of the young gifted child. Yet, because of the focus on observation,
hearing, feeling, moving, touching, intuiting, and imagining, creativity
should always be a cornerstone of differentiated instruction. As parents,
you can foster this at home. You can use the arts not only to support
your child’s talents, but also to expand on the assignments or projects
she does for school. The following descriptions provide some examples.

Juliette enjoyed her class on geometric shapes. One day after

school, she showed her mother what she was working on and
her mother showed her some prints from the Cubists and asked
if she would like to create a geometric painting. Juliette spent a
week designing her geometric painting and learned a lot about
how the different shapes related to each other. (Visual Art)

Joseph loved what he was learning about the rainforest. He

talked about all the creatures that live there and asked his
parents if he could go there one day. His father took the family
to the aquarium where there was an exhibit of lizards from the
South American rainforest. Later, Joseph sketched a portrait
of one of the lizards and wrote a “Day in the Life” story about
228 parenting gifted children

himself as the lizard. He particularly enjoyed describing how

each of his eyes moved independently and how his tongue
lashes out at insects. (Visual Art)

Kara was studying the solar system in her science class. After
a trip to the planetarium, Kara and her friends began arguing
about which way certain planets moved. Kara’s mother sug-
gested that they look at the material they got from the plan-
etarium and recreate the solar system using their own bodies.
The children became excited about performing the solar system
for their class. For hours, she could hear the children discussing
orbits, directions, and distances. (Dance)

Jimmy did very well in math, but could never go far with it
when people just explained how it worked. He had to do it.
His father understood this and so together they would often
dramatize the word problems (acting out the people, actions,
or events presented in the problem). Jimmy always figured out
the solution right away and sometimes they would continue
the problem like a story and create even more complicated
problems. From these experiences, Jimmy began to see math
as a kind of theater. (Drama)

Simon didn’t like social studies and groaned when he had to do

a report on Henry David Thoreau. His mother suggested that
he assume the role of the author and naturalist, rather than just
report on him. She got a video about Thoreau from the library
and she helped him with costumes while he did some research
on the man. They went to a nearby pond so that he could
practice reading a few passages by Thoreau while dressed like
him. Simon discovered that he had to do so much research to
impersonate Thoreau that writing the report was easy. (Drama)

Laura had to create a visual display and some text describing

where her family came from and how they came to the United
States. As her mother and grandmother told her about how her
 Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children 229

people came from Canada, they asked Laura if she would like
to create a dance/mime about their emigration. Her parents
helped her select important events in the journey. They looked
at old photographs and told stories. They found costumes and
props and when she finally performed it, her mother videotaped
it to share with other family members. (Dance)

Young gifted students with agile, hungry minds always need a rich
and varied medium for learning within different disciplines. Creativity
facilitates this. It enables them to discover that the shapes and pat-
terns they see in math also occur in art, movement, architecture, and
countless natural phenomena. Without this creative dimension, dif-
ferentiating cannot accommodate their unique sensibilities and talents.

Support Differentiated Instruction in the Classroom

Primary teachers may have limited time to acquaint themselves

with each young child in a class that is diverse in ability, background,
and learning style. Many of them know that parents are a rich and often
untapped source of information and insight. There are many points in
a unit or lesson when the feedback of parents could aid the teacher and
child in significant ways. Parents can do this by sharing an example
of the child’s work before a new unit begins. Or, they might be able
to shed light on a misjudgment about their child’s ability or learning
style that will guide the teacher to other options. Some examples follow.

When I got this note from the first grade teacher about
Brandon’s need for extra help in math, I laughed. Brandon
was already multiplying and dividing! I went to the teacher
and showed her the sheets of paper with his math scribbles.
I said that my son loved math so much that he had learned
how to multiply and divide from his older brother. From then
on, she worked out a way to accelerate Brandon through first-
grade math and then put him in a cluster of kids from first
and second grade who worked with the thirdâ•‚grade teacher
230 parenting gifted children

on more challenging and, to Brandon, much more interesting

material.—Mother of a first grader

I was nervous about asking the teacher to help my child at

the beginning of the year. We are from South America and
it just isn’t our way to make demands on teachers. I told her
that I caught my son doing the homework of a much older kid
in our neighborhood—for money! I told her I was concerned
because he acted like school was just nothing to take seriously.
He didn’t work that hard in class and probably didn’t look like
much of a student. Anyway, the teacher was kind to me and
said that she would take what I said and look at him more
closely. She had another student who was doing more difficult
work in the class and she would have them partner with each
other.—Father of a second grader

To gauge how your gifted child is doing in a differentiated class-

room, discuss class activities in different subjects. Let him explain the
papers, projects, tests, and assignments he brings home. If he says he’s
bored or unhappy about something, try to discover why. Is it that he’s
not interested in the topic or skill, that he finds the activity predictable,
difficult, or confusing, or that he has to repeat content he’s already
mastered? Avoid quick judgments based on one or two comments the
child makes or on a project he brings home. Try to find out as much
as you can about your child’s complaint before going to the teacher. Is
the problem what the child says or could it be something that he’s not
saying? For example, does he think his language arts class is boring
because the content isn’t challenging or is it because he has to do an
oral report that he dreads? Is this complaint part of a pattern?
Many parents find that primary teachers are open to feedback and
suggestions, provided the parents approach them diplomatically. Here
is the story of a mother whose child was not thriving in an arrangement
meant to help her:

My daughter’s second grade teacher has a cluster group of

gifted students and she had Marianna join them. After a couple
 Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children 231

of weeks, I sensed that something was wrong and Marianna

finally admitted that she didn’t feel comfortable in the group.
When I pressed her for details, she said that the other kids
were all friends with each other, but not her. I tried telling her
that she was still a new kid in school, but she kept saying that
she didn’t like doing any of the things they had to do in the
group. I finally met with the teacher and explained the problem.
The teacher said that she would try grouping Marianna with
some of her friends and give her more challenging assignments
within that group. She knew Marianna was a voracious reader
and loved challenge, but understood that, for now, she needed
to feel like she fit in somewhere.—Mother of a second grader

Because differentiating rests on who your child is as a learner and

what she brings to the learning table (i.e., strengths, interests), you as a
parent are indispensable to ensuring that your child benefits from the
strategies a teacher uses. As the school year progresses, you will get a
better handle on how this system is working for your child and whether
or not the teacher really understands her abilities and learning needs.

Getting Involved in the Classroom

Some parents have had a significant impact by participating in

the classroom itself. As districts continue to experience budget cuts,
they are turning more than ever before to parent volunteers to help
them provide enrichment and guide groups of children in different
activities. Parents of young gifted children have helped instruct and
support cluster groups, acted as aids at learning centers, and provided
oneâ•‚onâ•‚one support and guidance for children doing independent stud-
ies. Differentiated instruction is a daunting task for any teacher and it
practically cries out for helpers. Because of this, classrooms today are
more open than ever before to the contributions of parents, particularly
if those parents understand how the system works and have specific
skills or areas of expertise to share.
Here are several examples from parents:
232 parenting gifted children

I come from a family of journalists. I did some journalism in

my twenties and then in my thirties went into business. But I
had the chance to reignite my love for journalism by working
with a group of gifted kids in my daughter’s class who wanted
to start a school newspaper. It’s been an incredible experi-
ence. We study a variety of newspapers, we explore interview
techniques, writing styles, photojournalism, and discuss what
departments we want to include. We’ve worked out who should
handle what. We have movie and book reviewers, reporters
and feature writers. All the kids in the class now want to get
involved and write for the paper. It has become a catalyst for
writing, discussing, and debating all sorts of issues.—Father
of a third grader

I’ve always loved art, and I do a lot of art activities with my kids
at home. One of the parents who volunteers at the school told
my child’s teacher about me, and she asked if I’d like to share
some of my techniques with the class. That was 2 years ago and
now I’m doing these “sessions” in different grades. I meet with
the teacher, we talk over how I can relate my session to specific
topics, and then plan to meet different needs. I love it because it
encourages divergent thinking and the gifted children go wild
over it. I also enjoy working with other gifted children besides
my own. It’s taught me a lot and given me a larger sense of the
needs of gifted kids.—Mother of a first grader

Participating in a classroom may not happen right away. Often, you

need to build a relationship with the teacher first. It helps to present
yourself as someone who understands the enormous responsibilities of
a differentiated classroom, but as someone who also is committed to
the ideal of giving children (including the gifted) the kind of education
they need. As the teacher comes to know you as a supporter, learns
what you can do and how you can help, opportunities will open up for
you to become more involved in your child’s classroom. And each time
you assist with a cluster group or tutor a couple of students about to
 Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children 233

embark on a new project, you will be helping to make differentiation

a system that really serves young gifted students.

Resources

Belgrad, S. (1998). Creating the most enabling environment for young gifted
children. In J. F. Smutny (Ed.), The young gifted child: Potential and prom-
ise: An anthology (pp. 369–379). Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.
Moll, L. C. (1992). Funds of knowledge for teaching: Using a qualitative
approach to connect homes and classrooms. Theory Into Practice, 31,
132–141.
Morrison, G. S. (1997). Fundamentals of early childhood education. Upper
Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Smutny, J. F., Walker, S. Y., & Meckstroth, E. A. (1997). Teaching young gifted
children in the regular classroom: Identifying, nurturing, and challenging ages
4–9. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.
Smutny, J. F., & von Fremd, S. E. (2004). Differentiating for the young child:
Teaching strategies across the content areas (K–3). Thousand Oaks, CA:
Corwin Press.

Reference

Carson, R. (1998). The sense of wonder. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

 Chapter 24
Differentiated Curriculum
Experiences for the Gifted
and Talented: A Parent’s
Guide to Best Practice in
School and at Home
by Joyce VanTassel‑Baska

L
ila was an intellectually active child whose interests far out-
stripped what was available to her at home. Her parents thought
she would be deeply challenged when she began her school expe-
rience in the neighborhood school. To their dismay, she began
to withdraw from her classmates, complain of stomachaches, and cry
to stay home. Upon examination, they found that she was doing work
well below her ability and achievement level and working on repetitive
tasks that upset her. When they confronted her teacher, they were told
that the school did not modify its curriculum for gifted learners.
This story is not an uncommon one among parents of gifted chil-
dren at various ages. It tells a sad tale of parental expectations for
schools that are frequently not met because of lack of flexibility in
the curriculum. The key variable in children’s attitudes toward school
often is the appropriateness of the level, pace, and the delivery of the
curriculum. This article describes several important ingredients of a
rich curriculum for high-ability students.

234
 Differentiated Curriculum Experiences 235

In a world full of expanding choices, developing carefully planned

courses of study for gifted students has become increasingly necessary.
As parents, you share with the school the responsibility for ensuring
that your child’s learning experiences are wellâ•‚planned and challenging.
In order to search out alternative ways of providing the best curriculum
experience that matches your child’s needs, you will need some knowl-
edge about the criteria for good and appropriate curricula. In addition,
to be an effective parental advocate for your child, it will be helpful
for you to consider active engagement with the design, development,
and implementation of curriculum. I often meet with parents in my
office to discuss what curriculum experiences have worked well and
which ones have not and to work with them on how to build optimal
experiences into their child’s learning. In order to do this as parents, you
must first understand what you are looking for. A key to understanding
appropriate curriculum is knowing your child’s strengths and areas of
relative weakness as well her interests and passions. It would be even
more helpful to know how your child is advanced in relevant strength
areas and be able to document it. For example, one of the students in
our Saturday program at The College of William and Mary was able to
recite all license plate numbers and addresses for his neighborhood by
the age of 3, while a 9â•‚yearâ•‚old student came up with 483 homonyms
on her own over one weekend because she was fascinated with that
type of word relationship. What both children did illustrates aptitude
and passion working together. You are in the best position to observe
advanced behavior and record it; you may wish to keep a chart of
such behaviors with the date, age, and frequency of occurrence. Such
indicators attest to your child’s strong predispositions toward diverse
types of phenomena in the world and point the way toward the most
appropriate areas for differentiating curriculum for her or him.
How might you as a parent think through curriculum options for
your child? The following guidelines may help you gauge the appro-
priateness of your child’s school experience and plan engaging and fun
activities at home for her. Appropriate curriculum options for gifted
children should have the following features.
1. Use materials and activities aimed above the child’s tested level of
performance in order to promote growth in learning. The use of
236 parenting gifted children

advanced problem sets in math, openâ•‚ended experiments in

science, more difficult reading material, and greater rigorous
thinking about historical events are hallmarks of a strong cur-
riculum for gifted children. As a parent, you may wish to pur-
chase educational toys and games recommended (or “pitched”)
for children two age levels above your child’s to see how she
will respond. Take trips to the library and select more advanced
books to see how your child reacts. Gifted children many times
become highly motivated to become engaged with materials
that they find sufficiently challenging.
2. Provide children with experiences that move them from concrete
experiences to abstract conceptual experiences. In reading, for
example, gifted students at all ages should be routinely encour-
aged to move from a discussion of plot, a concrete literary
element, to a discussion of themes. This constitutes a more
abstract element of reading because it is implied but rarely
stated. Working at a more abstract level requires greater use of
thinking processes. Ask your child questions about the book
she is reading. Even if you have not read the book, you can
engage your child in questions such as, “Why do you suppose
the author decided to tell the story this way?” “What was the
point of it?” “Why was the book written? or “What did the
author really want us to understand?” Such questions will spur
your child to more abstract reasoning.
3. Provide opportunities for relevant applications and creative responses.
Although abstract thinking is a highly valued skill, it is meaning-
less if the child does not have the ability to apply it to realâ•‚world
problems. Gifted students need opportunities to hone their think-
ing skills in the service of their society. Service learning projects
that test their ingenuity, problemâ•‚finding, and problemâ•‚solving
skills in an action arena can contribute to their growth in the
cognitive, social, and affective dimensions. As a parent, you can
involve your child in “cleanup” days in the community and help
her to link her understanding of personal responsibility to com-
munity and global environmental issues. You also can encourage
your child to get to know a rest home resident by interviewing,
 Differentiated Curriculum Experiences 237

performing needed tasks, and helping with problems encountered.

Such work also helps build commitment through seeing the results
of one’s efforts having an impact on people’s lives. Through such
interaction with the community, your child can begin to appreci-
ate others and be more sensitive to her circumstances.
4. Work on developing depth of understanding of a particular topic or
concept. One of the best ways to ensure depth in a curriculum
is through focused study on a topic of interest to the child or
one that the child has selected. Teach your child to exam-
ine a topic or issue from multiple perspectives using several
types of resources to enhance depth of understanding. Create
opportunities for your child to hold conversations with others
knowledgeable about the topic. If your child’s interest persists,
encourage her to conduct original research. A simple family
outing or annual summer vacation could easily be converted
into a research project. Involve your children in planning these
events, and ask them to create holiday plans that would be
economical and yet meet the family’s needs. Insist that they
conduct research as a backdrop to the planning, discussing
where they can obtain the necessary information, what form
it should take, and when it should be available for discussion
with the family. Your children will begin to see that research
allows for deeper learning necessary to many life tasks.
5. Move steadily toward greater complexity and challenge. When
you go through schoolwork with your child, pay attention to
the challenge level of the materials, reading assignments, and
projects to be completed, and see if they contain advanced work.
At home, you might wish to scan the editorial pages of local
newspapers for relevant issues for family discussion, highlight-
ing for your children multiple perspectives on real-world issues
and the assumptions that account for various points of view.
For this purpose, you might find it easy to use the editorial
debate format used by USA Today.
6. Help children experience curriculum that reflects a world view.
Effective curriculum experiences deal with global interde-
pendence and examine multiple perspectives of cultures and
238 parenting gifted children

religions, based on their history and geography. Analyzing the

history of world regions gives students an appreciation for how
current world conflicts have a long history of development and
no easy solutions. As a parent, you can promote this under-
standing through travel to other cultures, having friends from
other cultures, and exposing your children to different religious
and local cultural activities. Attendance at important rituals of
other cultures not only helps to ease the sense of differentness
but also enhance children’s appreciation of diversity.
7. Emphasize the importance of using critical and creative thinking in
tandem. Projects should involve children in both creative and
critical thinking. Using predetermined criteria to choose the
best option after a brainstorming session is one example of this
combined process at work; another is synthesizing multiple
points of view in a written or oral presentation. Share your
own passions and expertise with your child, and then discuss
the processes involved in pursuing an interest area successfully.
For example, if you are an avid photographer, you might share
the skills, both artistic and technical, for photographing a par-
ticular scene or subject. Then, ask your child to critique the
photo on both artistic and technical criteria. Next, have your
child apply these skills to her own pictureâ•‚taking and suggest
creating an album of “best shots.” You also might appoint your
child the official photographer for your family vacation, and
encourage him or her to consider the best ways to capture shots
on traditional, digital, and video cameras.
8. Emphasize the key ideas, themes, processes, and skills that under-
lay all areas of study to give students an integrated framework for
understanding. Concepts like change, systems, and models have
come to be seen as central to understanding more than a single
domain. Guided by specific questions of interest, children can
understand skills like research within and across areas of study.
As parents, you can be helpful tutors to your children in many
fields that you understand very well. Try teaching your child
the foundations of your own vocation. What skills, activities,
and attitudes are essential in your work? If your child wanted
 Differentiated Curriculum Experiences 239

to know more about your specialization area, how could they

inquire about it? What are key questions and resources they
might explore? Organizing the “big picture” for a topic can
contribute to your child’s capacity to look for the basic patterns
in any area of study.
9. Provide both required and optional opportunities. A combination
approach of optional and required work ensures the element
of choice, as well as a sequenced learning pattern in core areas
that is sufficiently rigorous. You also can provide opportunities
for learning that contain just such a balance. When attending
a science museum, for example, decisions for everyone to visit
and explore key exhibits will allow for common understand-
ing, while some exhibits in a given room could be open for
your child’s selection, especially given limited time. Then you
might ask your child to share with the rest of the family what
he discovered and learned at an optional exhibit.
10. Involve children in collaborative and individual work. Group or
collaborative learning has become a staple of our educational
systems. However, even within collaborative projects, the
integrity of individual work must still be maintained to ensure
a good balance between collaborative efforts and individual
ones. You can define family projects according to individual
responsibility and collaborative effort. Responsibility for pre-
paring dinner, raking the yard, and cleaning the house are
all viable avenues to use in making these important distinc-
tions. Not everyone has to be working together on each of
these activities. Dad might prefer to make dinner alone; mom
might prefer to do the yard work with the children. These
are realâ•‚world choices made based on individual preferences.
Letting your child voice such preferences and act on them
provides a healthy balance between independence and inter-
dependence in getting work done.
11. Be clear about the expected results and how to assess them. You and
your child have a right to know upfront what desired learn-
ing will result from school experiences and how teachers will
assess those results and outcomes. If the school organizes an
240 parenting gifted children

orientation session devoted to curriculum, make it your prior-

ity to attend. Many schools also now post their instructional
objectives, outcomes, and assessment criteria on their websites.
These sites are a wealth of information. At home, you can
practice this same behavior with your children by answering
the question, “Why do I need to know that?” before the child
asks, providing ways for your children to demonstrate their
learning. You can help your children define a new learning
outcome to be mastered during the year, such as swimming,
piano playing, or learning French. Set up a special context
and time for them to demonstrate how they have learned the
material. In sports and the arts, it is typical to set up matches
and recitals. You can use this model in academics as well. Your
child, even though high in ability in some areas, may need to
improve in others (e.g., she may be very good in reading, but
need to improve in math skills). Defining the specific areas
for improvement, specifying a time frame, and providing a
platform for displaying their progress can help children view
academic learning as a personal challenge that is worthwhile.
12. Recognize that your child’s teachers should have qualification in
the areas of study and/or have education in working with gifted
learners. A central feature of effective learning is the quality
of instruction delivered by knowledgeable and caring educa-
tors. It is important that educators who work with high-ability
learners have the expertise necessary to help their students
grow. Knowledge of contentâ•‚relevant teaching strategies (as
well as content understanding) is an essential qualification. In
relation to your teaching role as parents, it is important for you
to consider your special gifts. One parent once apologized to
me for teaching her child French, thinking she had provided
a disservice. I suggested that she had done a quite wonderful
thing—she had given a gift of herself and her own learning
to her child and in the process created a special bond between
them. All parents have knowledge in key areas to consider
passing on. Working out a time and place to engage in such
learning with regularity may be difficult, but it is potentially
 Differentiated Curriculum Experiences 241

highly rewarding for both you and your child. You will learn
more about your child’s learning habits and quality of think-
ing than through any other process you might undertake. The
development of eminent individuals in many domains often
has included family sharing of learned skills.
13. Gifted students at all levels should be engaged in work “ beyond the
standards” both in level and scope. Although it is true that new
state standards often are rigorous, they might still be acceler-
ated and extended for gifted students at all levels and in all
subject areas. Minimum standards are insufficiently complex
and advanced to be used as the sole curriculum base for gifted
learners. You should try to be familiar with the standards of
learning your child is expected to meet and exceed at school.
Such knowledge can provide a basis for discussions at home,
special math applications, or home projects, science experi-
ments, or demonstrations. Beyond the minimum content
standards, you also want to know if your child is learning the
intellectual tools of inquiring and problemâ•‚solving and the
ability to transfer or apply those skills in the real world.

Application of the Curriculum Guidelines

There are many ways you can directly apply guidelines for effective
curriculum experiences in the home setting to stimulate the develop-
ment of your gifted child. Quality time spent discussing ideas, viewing
television and movies, and playing games and doing puzzles with your
children are all important. A recent study by the University of Chicago
suggested that parents taking children to science museums contributed
more to science achievement at age 10 than any other intervention. Your
power as educators of your children is truly profound.
You also may apply these guidelines in conversations with teachers
and principals about your child’s learning on a regular basis. They could
be used to make judgments about effective extracurricular academic work
as well. When choosing summer and Saturday programs or even schools
for your child to attend, use these guidelines to evaluate their offerings.
242 parenting gifted children

Conclusion

In an age of consumerism where a free enterprise mentality rules,

marketing is the key skill employed to attract customers. Education is
not exempt from these pressures, and many programs for gifted learners
are offered with an eye to the market. The burden of judicious decision
making therefore rests with you and your children in deciding the quality
of the program they receive. Hopefully, you will find this set of guidelines
timely and useful to judge programs by their curriculum features, as well
as apply key principles to your child’s learning in the home.

Resources

Burke, J. (1995). Connections (Revised ed.). Boston, MA: Little, Brown.

Cothron, J. H., Giese, R. N., & Rezba, R. J. (2007). Students and research:
Practical strategies for science classrooms and competitions (4th ed.). Dubuque,
IA: Kendall/Hunt.
Kaplan, S., & Cannon, M. W. (2002). Curriculum starter cards: Developing
differentiated lessons for gifted children. Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Renzulli, J. S., Leppien, J. H., & Hays, T. S. (2000). The Multiple Menu Model:
A practical guide for developing differentiated curriculum. Mansfield Center,
CT: Creative Learning Press.
Saul, W., & Newman, A. (1986). Science fare: An illustrated guide and catalog
of toys, books, and activities for kids. New York, NY: Harper & Row.
Tomlinson, C., Kaplan, S. N., Renzulli, J. S., Purcell, J., Leppien, J., & Burns,
D. (2002). The Parallel Curriculum: A design to develop high potential and
challenge high ability learners. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
VanTasselâ•‚Baska, J., Johnson, D., & Boyce, L. (1996). Developing verbal talent.
Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
VanTasselâ•‚Baska, J., & Little, C. A. (Eds.). (2010). Contentâ•‚based curriculum
for gifted learners (2nd ed.). Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
 Chapter 25
The Path From Potential to
Productivity: The Parent’s
Role in the Levels of
Service Approach to Talent
Development
by Nancy A. Cook, Carol V. Wittig, and Donald J. Treffinger

Y
our child spends about a third of his or her weekday in school
and a third sleeping. But what about the other third? What
about weekends and school holidays? And what about sum-
mer vacation? During this time are you using your parenting
skills to develop your child’s high potential?
We propose that your major goal in parenting for high potential is
to help your child develop into a healthy (in many ways) and effective
person who is an independent learner and a creatively productive person.
Keep this three-part goal in mind whenever you’re making decisions
about what you might do to help your child continue to grow in his or
her strengths and talents.
To help your children reach this complex goal, you need to manage
and monitor your children’s activities and behavior and to communicate
with your children and their school about their strengths, interests, and
needs. It also is very important for you to play an active role in guid-
ing the development of qualities and skills your children will need to
reach this goal. Finally, although we often think about instruction as

243
244 parenting gifted children

Level I—Discovering and Building

Level II—Curious and Exploring

Level III—Enthusiastic and

Performing
Level IV—
Soaring and
Passionate

Figure 25.1. The four levels of service.

the school’s job, you can play an important role as an educator for your
child, too. Creating an effective partnership among school, home, and
community can be an essential part of discovering and nurturing any
child’s strengths and talents.
In our school district, and in a number of other schools in several
states, we have been working to implement an approach to program-
ming for talent development called the “Levels of Service” (LOS)
approach, which involves four levels or stages. (“Services” refers to any
planned, deliberate experiences or activities that contribute to talent
development. See Figure 25.1 for an illustration of the four levels.) In
the LOS approach, we emphasize the school-home-community rela-
tionship for recognizing and developing talents and meeting the goal
we stated at the beginning of this article. This article focuses specifically
on the important role of the home in the LOS partnership, presenting
examples of experiences and activities you can provide at each of the
four levels in developing your child’s potential.
At Level I, you will help your child discover and build interests and
potential strengths. At Level II, your child’s natural curiosity will lead
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 245

to exploratory activities that may verify those interests and potential

strengths, and at Level III, your child’s enthusiasm may lead to more
in-depth activities that will help to develop those unique potential
strengths further. At Level IV, your child may pursue a passion as he
or she combines knowledge, skill, and sustained interests to act as a
creative, productive, and independent learner.
As we discuss each level in more depth, we’ll look at three main
themes within each of the four levels: Provide Opportunities, Watch For,
and Build Thinking Skills and Dispositions. In Provide Opportunities,
we give suggestions for activities and where to find them. Under Watch
For, we discuss positive behaviors that should be evident, as well as
negative behaviors you might observe. You might make notes or record
your observations about these behaviors, use them to identify new activi-
ties to do at home, or discuss them with your child’s teachers. In Build
Thinking Skills and Dispositions, we present information on nurturing
your child’s creative thinking, critical thinking, problem-solving, and
decision-making skills, as well as the attitudes and dispositions that
children need to become independent learners and good citizens.

Level I: Discovering and Building

At this level, your role is to provide your children with exposure

to talent or interest possibilities and to build thinking skills by:
•â•¢ Offering a rich and varied array of opportunities that provide
exposure to many topics, themes, or talent areas. (A “talent
area” is any field, domain, or performance area in which a
person might engage such as writing, acting, chemistry, local
history, sculpture, or soccer.)
•â•¢ Exploring areas of possible interest to build a foundation for
talent recognition and development.
•â•¢ Looking for your child’s unique strengths and preferences as
a learner (all children differ in their style, rate, pace, and pre-
ferred styles of learning).
•â•¢ Engaging your children in learning and practicing tools and
strategies for thinking creatively and critically.
246 parenting gifted children

Provide Opportunities

Level I activities are generally brief in duration and readily accom-

plished. You can find opportunities in the daily newspaper, a school
newsletter, the local library, and on the Internet. Talk with your child’s
teachers or guidance counselors to find out the opportunities available
at school. Listed below are some suggestions and examples that will
help you discover and build strengths in your children.
•â•¢ Playing games with your child can develop many different
strength and interest areas. Strategy games such as tic-tac-toe,
chess, checkers, Clue™, Master Mind™, and many card games
help to develop logical thinking, while word games such as
SCRABBLE™, Boggle™, charades, and crossword puzzles
develop linguistic thinking.
•â•¢ Taking your children on mini field trips to museums, the zoo,
art galleries, and the library can help you identify their interests
in a wide variety of talent areas.
•â•¢ Attending live concert and theatre performances may stimulate
interest in music or the performing arts.
•â•¢ A special interest in nature may arise when children are exposed
to hiking, camping, and nature walks.
•â•¢ Volunteer with your child by collecting money, organizing a
food or clothing drive, or helping out at the local animal shel-
ter. Your teenager might find it rewarding to volunteer at an
assisted living facility or a nursing home. These experiences
will lead to developing personal and social responsibility.
•â•¢ You may find that your child is a young philosopher if you pro-
vide opportunities for pondering and discussing. Some parents
we know organized a parent/child book club. Everyone read
the same book and met at someone’s house to discuss the ideas
from the book. Your local library or bookstore also might have
story hours or book clubs for young children and teens.
•â•¢ Provide opportunities for sports and physical activities as part
of an active, well-balanced lifestyle. Be sure to try a variety
of different individual sports that can be long-time sources of
enjoyment, such as horseback riding, biking, or rollerblading.
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 247

Opportunities for Level I activities can arise in many ways and can
involve a variety of places and resources. One father, for example, read
in the newspaper that the local zoo planned to build a new habitat for
prairie dogs. Because he knew that his son was interested in animals
and their habitats, they went together on a visit to the zoo. They saw
the sign and the plan for the new habitat. The child wanted to find out
more so he located several books, went online for more information,
and found a video in the school media center.

Watch For

While your child is engaged in activities, watch for signs of sus-

tained interest and potential strengths. Is your child enjoying the activ-
ity? Look for smiles or intense concentration. Does your child request
the activity be repeated? Is it difficult to tear your child away from the
activity? Does your child show signs of craving more of a challenge?
Everyone has different learning styles, rates and paces of learning,
and interest areas. Keep in mind that your child may be different from
you and different from other children in the family. Ask questions such
as: Does your child learn best alone or with others? Does your child
need to move around when learning? What is your child’s attention
span and frustration tolerance level? Does your child prefer following
directions or doing things his or her own way?

Build Thinking Skills and Dispositions

As a parent, you can help your child develop his or her creative
and critical thinking abilities in a number of enjoyable ways. Creative
thinking involves generating many ideas, looking at ideas from many
points of view or in different ways, or producing novel and unusual
ideas. Begin by encouraging an attitude of deferred judgment (not
criticizing ideas when you’re thinking of many possibilities), searching
for as many ideas as possible, accepting all ideas (even those that might
seem silly), and making connections among ideas. You can ask open-
ended, creative questions to apply these guidelines in everyday situa-
tions, including at the meal table (“What are all the things we might
248 parenting gifted children

use a fork to do?”), when brushing teeth (“How might we improve the
toothbrush or the toothpaste container?”), or in the car (“What are
many things we might see that are round and red?”).
Critical thinking involves focusing your thinking by developing,
improving, analyzing, selecting, or evaluating ideas. The guidelines for
focusing one’s thinking include looking at ideas constructively (build-
ing ideas up, rather than putting them down), being deliberate when
making decisions, remembering to look for novelty (not disregarding
unusual ideas), and keeping your eye on your goal.
You can apply these guidelines at home by using several tools or
strategies. For example, one helpful tool is called ALOU (advantages,
limitations, overcome, and unique). When you are considering an idea
or a decision, begin by identifying its advantages (what’s attractive about
it or why you like it). Then, think about its limitations (areas of concern
or weaknesses). Be constructive about the limitations by asking “How
might we . . .” (e.g., rather than saying, “It will take too much time,”
ask, “How might we find or make the time to do it?”). Then, think
about ways to overcome the limitations. Finally, ask yourself what’s
unique about the idea, or what makes it stand out and appeal to you.
Many everyday situations offer excellent opportunities to practice
using some tools for creative and critical thinking. For example, a mom,
a dad, and their two daughters were discussing an aunt’s upcoming
birthday and what gift to buy for her. They wanted to give her some-
thing really special and decided to use creative thinking to generate
options. Within a few minutes, they had listed 20 ideas. They switched
to critical thinking, and as they reviewed the ideas, three really stood
out as promising. They used the ALOU tool to focus their thinking,
and chose an idea that would be novel, reasonable in cost, and a present
that they were confident the aunt would really enjoy.

Level II: Curious and Exploring

At this level, enable your child to explore and verify interests or pos-
sible talent strengths through organized activities. To stimulate curiosity
and heighten anticipation, it’s important to seek opportunities that appeal
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 249

to your children and that they play an active role in selecting. Many
activities are available that stimulate children’s interests, engage them in
active learning, and provide excellent learning opportunities that extend
beyond the classroom and provide practice with thinking skills and tools.

Provide Opportunities

Your school district’s community education program often is a

good source of activities and information about program opportuni-
ties. Also look to your local museums, art galleries, zoos, and colleges
for opportunities for students in the elementary, middle, or secondary
grades. Some specific examples of Level II opportunities include:
•â•¢ In many communities, universities, galleries, museums, and
science centers offer afterschool, weekend, or summer experi-
ences for students to pursue areas of interest and enjoyment.
National programs, such as Camp Invention (http://www.
campinvention.org), provide engaging programs for students
to learn about science, creative thinking, and inventing.
•â•¢ At this level, many children become involved in team sports.
There are organizations that teach the sports and give children
opportunities to participate at a beginning level. Seek programs
that emphasize learning and enjoyment of the game, not just
the competitive nature of the sport.
•â•¢ There are clubs and organizations that may focus on your child’s
areas of interest or potential strength such as 4H clubs or scout-
ing organizations.
•â•¢ Individual lessons for particular interests such as music, com-
puters, horseback riding, writing, or dancing also are appropri-
ate Level II activities to verify and explore potential strengths
and interests.
•â•¢ The National PTA Reflections Program encourages children
to create works in literature, musical composition, photogra-
phy, and the visual arts (see http://www.pta.org/topic_parent_
involvement.asp).
•â•¢ Consider participating in structured creativity or problem-
solving programs. There are a number of program possibilities,
250 parenting gifted children

but two excellent programs with which we have worked are

Destination ImagiNation (http://www.idodi.org) and the
Future Problem Solving Program (http://www.fpspi.org).
•â•¢ The Great Books Foundation (http://www.greatbooks.org)
helps readers develop their thinking skills through discus-
sion of literary classics. This program may be available in your
schools or can be run by parents who have undergone the
training on how to facilitate a discussion group.

Watch For

Again, watch for the same signs of developing strengths and bud-
ding interests as you did with Level I activities. There may be times
when a level of frustration might surface in more formalized activities
and programs. Working through frustrations and finding success with
challenging opportunities develops a positive self-concept and personal
confidence. Be certain that activities and experiences are:
•â•¢ appropriate (consistent with your child’s needs and
characteristics),
•â•¢ challenging (invitingly provocative), and
•â•¢ developmental (enabling progress or advancement to new or
higher levels).

Keep in mind the main goals of programming that we presented
at the beginning of this article when deciding whether to “push” your
child to stay with an activity or to allow her or him to have a change of
mind about participating. Encourage high but reasonable expectations.
Also, don’t overlook the importance of appreciating and celebrating
growth and accomplishments; these encourage children to persevere.

Build Thinking Skills and Dispositions

In order to develop a strength to full potential, one must raise the

difficulty level and often invest a substantial amount of time practic-
ing or learning new skills. How do you persevere when something is
tough? What if a task is particularly tedious but necessary? How do
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 251

you get it done? Your child needs to deal with these issues. Make a
list of things to do when faced with a challenge such as breaking the
task into smaller steps and tackling them one at a time, walking away
for a short break and returning to the task with fresh eyes, talking out
the task with someone else, and if necessary, asking for help. It can be
important for him or her to see you deal with similar challenges, too.
To deal with tedious but necessary tasks, your children might try
listening to their favorite music, just “doing it” and getting it over with,
rewarding themselves for getting it done, breaking it up into manage-
able pieces, getting someone to do it with them, making it into a game
or adventure, or timing themselves. You and your children can benefit
from practicing these responses and discussing them together.

Level III: Enthusiastic and Performing

Level I provided a foundation and basic tools, and Level II pro-

vided for exploration and trying additional challenging activities. The
purpose of Level III activities is to strengthen the child’s competence,
confidence, and commitment in a talent area as his or her engagement
and involvement grows in that area. The opportunities you connect to
your child at this level should respond to his or her individual strengths,
talents, and sustained interests. Level III experiences and activities
build on Levels I and II, but they expand and increase the level of
involvement and challenge. Appropriate Level III activities will be
opportunities in which your child exhibits a great deal of enthusiasm
and energy and begins to perform with emerging expertise.

Provide Opportunities

Opportunities at Level III are more advanced and may include

competitions, performances, team sports, or other activities designed
for children with an identified strength in a specific talent area. The
activities we list below are examples for several talent areas.
•â•¢ For a budding young actor, look for a youth theatre group that
auditions children for local performances.
252 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ The NAGC website (http://www.nagc.org) has an array of

summer opportunities listed by region to challenge your child’s
specific strengths, interests, and needs. What about a summer
invention program, space camp, or a computer camp?
•â•¢ Find out what academic competitions your school partici-
pates in such as the National Geographic Bee (http://www.
nationalgeographic.com/geographybee), Scripps National
Spelling Bee (http://www.spellingbee.com), Science Olympiad
(http://www.soinc.org), or Math Olympiads (http://www.
moems.org). Also look for locally sponsored competitions such
as writing and art contests or math and debate competitions.
•â•¢ You can help your young writer learn the process that profes-
sional writers go through, which includes continually writing,
revising, and submitting work for possible publication. Check
the Internet for sources that publish children’s work such as
Creative Kids magazine (http://www.prufrock.com/client/
client_pages/prufrock_jm_createkids.cfm).
•â•¢ Drexel University offers an interactive math problem-solving
website (http://www.mathforum.com) that provides children
with four problems every week at different levels from upper
elementary through high school. Children solve these nontra-
ditional and often realistic problems and write an explanation
of their thinking processes. Mentors provide individual feed-
back for the children, and exemplary solutions are chosen to
be published on the website for other children to view.
•â•¢ For your young computer expert, look for a user group in your
area or online. You may organize your own group of children
with similar abilities and interests. Often providing the proper
software and like minds to collaborate with is enough to spur
independent exploration and intellectual growth.
•â•¢ Young computer experts often need only some basic guidance
before soaring through designing their own software or web
pages. If given the time and access to a computer, software,
and instruction manuals, these children are able to produce
amazing results. Find a mentor in the community to answer
your child’s questions or to discuss design ideas.
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 253

•â•¢ For children with leadership potential and a strong concern for
others, encourage them to use those abilities within organized
groups to design and implement their own projects that will
benefit others.
•â•¢ Talented athletes often join travel teams or other competitive
teams at this level.

Watch For

At Level III, you will watch for the same signs of reaching the
goals that we stated at the beginning of the article as you did with
Levels I and II. You will begin to see more independence as your child
pursues areas of sustained interests and strengths, but be aware that
you also will find that supporting your children as their talents emerge
and develop will involve significant commitments of time and effort
on your part as well as theirs! Creative productivity also may emerge
here in the form of a performance or other product that demonstrates
an expression or accomplishment in the talent area.

Build Thinking Skills and Dispositions

Several important life skills to nurture include collaboration,

teamwork, group problem solving, and healthy competitions (directed
toward the attainment of important goals, not just to winning or los-
ing). Teaching children how to handle disappointment with dignity
and to exhibit pride with prudence can be important goals for parents
of competitors. We all experience disappointments in life. Your child
will learn from you firsthand how to deal with these situations. Teach
your child to hold his head up high after losing and congratulate the
winner; that is dignity. If your child is the winner, teach him how to
handle that pride in such a way as to refrain from hurting others who
are trying to deal with their disappointment and how to recognize the
efforts of his competitors and compliment them. Focus on the goal of
learning, growth in your child’s skills and expertise, and affirming the
importance and value of striving for excellence and improvement.
254 parenting gifted children

Level IV: Soaring and Passionate

The purpose of Level IV is to respond to your child’s “blossoming

expertise” in a talent area. The need for Level IV opportunities arises
from internal (or “intrinsic”) passion within the child to pursue an
area of interest or talent with intense fervor and to become engaged
in that area at a very high level of involvement and productivity. Level
IV represents the child’s sustained investment of time and energy in
a topic or talent area that matters very much to him or her and is not
something that has been assigned or required. When young people
are involved in Level IV activities and experiences, they are not simply
“doing schoolwork;” they are talented professionals at work in an area
that is special to them, even though they may yet be at early stages of
accomplishment. Level IV experiences may help your children focus on
an emphasis or major area for postsecondary studies, create a founda-
tion for lifelong vocational directions, or provide personal hobbies and
activities that will bring years of satisfaction and enjoyment.

Provide Opportunities

Because this level responds to your child’s intrinsic motivation, your

role is to provide the time, space, materials, and supervision to enable
your child to pursue his or her passion. Seek real-life (or “authentic”)
opportunities that enable your child to reach new levels of creative
products or performances. Provide an environment that supports and
encourages your child to initiate and direct his or her own inquiry into
ideas and topics and personal interests.
•â•¢ Connect your child to a mentor who is a professional in your
child’s interest area. The International Telementoring Program
(http://www.telementor.org) is a virtual mentoring experience
for upper elementary or older children. Consider these exam-
ples of mentoring (all true stories from our work):
‚‡ A seventh-grade child was interested in pursuing the ques-
tion, “What makes us human?” Her parent introduced
her to a college philosophy professor who gave her some
readings and led her in dialogues. Meanwhile, the child’s
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 255

English teacher allowed her to pursue an independent

study project on this topic, and the child worked during
her English periods with the school’s gifted programming
specialist to develop her theory and write a paper on it. She
presented her theory to other students and has continued
to pursue this topic with her mentor.
‚‡ Another child wrote a play over the summer between fifth
and sixth grade. All she needed was an adult to supervise
and to help her solve problems as she directed and pro-
duced her play. She dealt with problems such as choosing
the actors for her play—a difficult task for a sixth grader,
as she had to deal with the politics of who to choose from
among her friends and classmates. Dealing with her peers
who often chose to waste time and fool around was another
problem she solved successfully. The play turned out to be
charming, and the child is now continuing to pursue cre-
ative endeavors in performing and writing in high school.
‚‡ A sixth grader was interested in learning about quantum
physics. He had read the sixth-grade science textbook for
fun over the summer, so his teacher allowed him to pur-
sue independent study and connected him with a physics
professor at a local university. His mother provided trans-
portation for meetings during which he worked on basic
physics activities given to him by the professor and was
able to engage in conversations with an expert.

•â•¢ Provide opportunities to investigate real problems and to con-
duct firsthand investigations that lead to original products. A
parent observed her young daughter Sarah’s fascination with
her family’s memorabilia from the early 20th century and her
great-grandfather’s memories of that time. Sarah’s mother
took her to visit the local history museum and enrolled her
in a weeklong camp at another local historical site. Over a
period of 2 years, Sarah developed a slide presentation and
created activities about Victorian life that she shared with her
256 parenting gifted children

classmates. She also wrote an article for the local newspaper

detailing her amazing experiences.
•â•¢ Communicate and celebrate products and accomplishments
through appropriate outlets. A parent noticed that the local
newspaper ran a feature once a week that recognized accom-
plishments of an outstanding young person in the community.
He nominated his son for this honor, and an article about him
appeared 2 months later.
•â•¢ Provide experiences that invite children to discover, explore, or
construct career possibilities or opportunities. Consider initiat-
ing job shadowing or internships for your teenager that match
her or his field of interest and talent.

Watch For

Your child should be setting goals, independently carrying out

projects, and evaluating his or her work. Self-discipline, persistence,
sustained involvement, and a desire to gain expertise should be evident.
Your child should become confident, courageous, and exhibit a positive
regard for learning, thinking, and inquiry.

Build Thinking Skills and Dispositions

At this level, your child should be effectively applying creative and

critical thinking skills, creative problem-solving skills, and research
skills when working on a problem or opportunity. Through working on
real-world problems or experiencing real-world career opportunities, he
or she should be learning and practicing the specific skills of experts in
a particular talent domain. It also is important to help your children to
translate their potential for independence into effective skills by giving
them opportunities to manage and direct their own projects.
 The Path From Potential to Productivity 257

Summary

Programming for your child’s high potential has many facets.

Working with your child’s school and with the community around
you is necessary to match your child with the activities, programs, and
personal challenges that are most appropriate for developing his or her
talents and interests. Start with the school and then branch out into
the community. Parenting groups such as the PTA or a local advocacy
group for parents of gifted children are rich sources of information.
As you research the possibilities, you may find that there is much
to do but so little time in which to do it. Through your efforts as sup-
portive, proactive parents, children and adolescents will be able to
think for themselves, make good choices, solve problems, deal with
disappointment and frustration, and persevere in the face of challenges
and tedious tasks while they are on the road to reaching their potential.
They will be ready to pursue their passions and reach self-actualization
as healthy, effective young citizens who can learn independently. The
results of their creative, productive efforts may lead to the next ground-
breaking scientific discovery, an innovative new product, a novel that
affects many lives positively, or even a roadmap to world peace!

Resources

Noller, R. B. (1997). Mentoring: A voiced scarf. Sarasota, FL: The Snedley

Group.
Treffinger, D. J., Young, G. C., Nassab, C. A., & Wittig, C. V. (2004).
Enhancing and expanding gifted programs: The levels of service approach.
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
 Chapter 26
Raising the Creative Child
by Courtney Crim

L
et me introduce you to a child you may recognize. This child
lives at my house and I am often guilty of looking at her in
wonder, questioning where this little person came from, and
what on Earth I am going to do with her. Our daily issues seem
small when compared to the larger challenge of teaching this small
individual—the one that she is so quickly striving to become—how to
function in a world that many times values behaviors that are different
from her own. Ironically, this same world that often values conformity
will need individuals who look at the world through a different lens and
who will find new solutions to the ever-changing questions that arise.

The Challenge

Like many young children, Payton exhibits unlimited energy, little

need for sleep (so valued by her parents), and a spirit far beyond her 4
years. From infancy, she has demonstrated a curious mind and a deter-
mination always to be involved with events around her. Her presence
is one that cannot be ignored. This presence, however, can be due to
her pleasing charm or her difficult behavior—depending on her mood.
Does this sound familiar? The world is a game that unfolds and develops
as children grow; they are constantly acquiring more information and
schema to work with. The rules are constantly shifting. The challenge
as a parent is to develop guiding rules by which we all can live, without
threatening the zest for life and the ability to meet new obstacles head

258
 Raising the Creative Child 259

on. We need to seek out and create partnerships with other adults who
share our goals and can help facilitate positive creative development in
our children.

A Different World

Many times, children who demonstrate their creativity early in

life first realize their differences as they interact with their peers. One
interesting experience Payton shared involved her early school activi-
ties. When taking turns picking songs to sing, she happily sang with
those choosing ABC’s, Itsy Bitsy Spider, and B-I-N-G-O. Then her turn
came and the other children looked at her as if she were crazy as she
belted out “American Pie” by Don McLean. Her conversation on the
way home included that she had a very bad day, she did not want to go
back to school, she felt different from the other kids, she didn’t like this
feeling, and how come the other kids didn’t know her song anyway?
After much discussion at home and working with a very understanding
teacher, we remedied this situation by sending the CD to school so
“the other kids would know it was a real song.” She realized that she
sometimes thought of things differently than the other children. At
some point in their young lives, individuals who demonstrate higher
levels of creativity early on realize that they may see the world from a
different perspective than many of their peers.
Just as we can share the experience and excitement of a new “ah-ha”
moment, parents also can experience sadness when their child feels hurt
or disappointment at any scale. You and I may say, “it’s just a song” but,
to her, it was a realization that maybe she sometimes thinks differently
than her friends. This realization is the beginning of creative conscious-
ness originally discussed by Abraham Maslow. The realization that their
thought processes may not be the norm and that every individual expe-
riences the world differently is a common experience shared by chil-
dren who exhibit many of the characteristics associated with creativity.
Although this experience is typical for children who exhibit gifted or
creative characteristics, parents are not always prepared when it is their
own child. It is possible to miss or overlook the signs of what is actually
260 parenting gifted children

going on. The challenge, as these youngsters begin to realize differences,

is to identify the nonconformity and praise the differences while helping
to build a supportive and safe environment in which children can grow
and continue to develop their creative consciousness.

In School

It is amazing to watch a person function who has no concept of his or

her own limits. As parents, we often wonder when this acknowledgement
of limitations may develop; they are children after all. It is interesting to
find yourself sometimes wishing the very behaviors that at times make
your child unique would disappear in favor of a calmer family environ-
ment. As the world gets more hectic and many of our schools ask for con-
formity, the behaviors that often are associated with creativity can hinder
acceptance. This is the situation we found ourselves in as our daughter
approached 4 1/2. She isn’t a genius who can read at 3, do long division,
or compose symphonies, but she is part of a large group of children who
are above their peers in analytical/intellectual abilities, relate better to
adults than children, and early on show a wellâ•‚developed understanding
of creative thought. Unfortunately, many school districts provide gifted
programs based on academically gifted characteristics alone. School
programs that only identify and support high academic achievement
potentially miss or can even hinder creative development. Additionally,
many schools give little focus to enhancing creative potential in all chil-
dren. As the children who develop their own creative consciousness at
a younger age begin to see their differences, they often conform to their
peers in order to minimize these differences and gain acceptance.
It is important, as a parent, not to underestimate our child’s contri-
butions but to open our eyes to how our child is expressing her creativ-
ity. For several reasons, some of which may include the structure of a
classroom and the pressure of peer socialization, many children tend
to experience a slight dip in creative expression and open curiosity as
they initially enter school and again around 4th grade. Westby and
Dawson’s 1995 research explored creativity in children and offered a list
describing creative behaviors most typically associated with creativity
 Raising the Creative Child 261

Behaviors Most Typical of Creativity

• Makes up the rules as he or she • Determined

goes along • Individualistic
• Impulsive • Takes chances
• Nonconformist • Tends not to know own limitations
• Emotional and tries to do what others think is
• Progressive impossible
• Risk taker • Likes to be alone when creating
• Independent something new

Behaviors Least Typical of Creativity

• Tolerant • Understanding
• Practical • Appreciative
• Reliable • Good-natured
• Dependable • Sincere
• Responsible • Peaceable
• Logical • Steady

Figure 26.1. Behaviors most and least typical of creativity in children.

Adapted from “Creativity: Asset or Burden in the Classroom?” by E. L. Westby
& V. L. Dawson, 1995, Creativity Research Journal, 8, 1–10.

as well as those behaviors least associated with creativity as derived

from experts in the field (see Figure 26.1).
The traits most and least often identified as being associated with
creativity are found, to some extent, in every individual. However, the
combination and intensity of these traits is where creativity begins
to develop and grow. It is interesting to identify the traits so evident
in your own child and be gratefully reminded from whence some of
her “difficult” behaviors may stem. Many children who display char-
acteristics of creativity demonstrate a variety of these traits on a daily
basis. However, some of these traits are often not conducive to the
public school classroom. It is our responsibility, as parents, educators,
and advocates, to help build partnerships with our schools so that the
environments children experience support and foster these creative ten-
262 parenting gifted children

dencies. Approaches such as differentiated instruction, interestâ•‚based

study, and projectâ•‚based curriculum allow these behaviors a place to
exist without compromising the responsibility of the teacher to educate
a classroom full of individual learners.

Support at Home

The resistance to many creative behaviors that may be expressed by

some schools can create frustration at home. Have you found yourself
wishing for more of the “least typical” behaviors as your child brings
home behavior reports and teacher notes? As a parent, it is easy to
voice frustration about many of the research-based “creative” behaviors
demonstrated by your child. Parents often share this frustration when
they receive the message that their child would do better to conform.
The bottom line is: When the challenging behaviors are so close to
home, it is easy to lose sight of the big picture. Is my child a behavior
problem or does she have ADHD? Is my child a daydreamer or is she
involved in creative thinking? Rather, we need to realize that all of
these options can be manifested in various degrees and kinds of creative
expression. The daily challenge of guiding and living with an individual
who naturally exhibits creative thinking, a very young one at that, can
evoke reactions from the parent that unknowingly diminish the creative
aspects of a child’s personality. Yet, developing an understanding of
what the characteristics associated with creativity may look like can
help parents and teachers see children through a different lens.

Valuing Differences

To remind me that many of our daily interactions are indeed valu-

able, I took a step back and formed a new perspective. The opportunity
to raise a spirited child who strongly exhibits her creativity is an experi-
ence to be valued. As parents, our responsibility is to reinforce the value
of a child’s personality in a world that may or may not always appreciate
the same traits. We need to guide her development in an environment
 Raising the Creative Child 263

that may push for conformity. I am sure many parents agree that, at
times, it is difficult not to lose focus. As parents of young children, we
need to remind ourselves to be their advocates and continue to read and
learn about them. Payton will be in kindergarten in the fall, and I now
recognize that the behaviors she exhibits in connection with her creative
thinking may, although unintentionally in most cases, face changes.
Advocating that she be included in a classroom where the teacher’s style
and instruction supports her creative development is important. Teachers
who are supportive of the behaviors associated with creativity and who
recognize and value these creative characteristics can do wonders with
a child who exhibits such traits in their classrooms.
Westby and Dawson also investigated the behaviors that classroom
teachers valued. Teachers’ perceptions of characteristics associated with
creativity agreed with the experts in the field of creativity only 40% of the
time, according to Westby and Dawson’s 1995 work. Teachers reported
behaviors they considered to be reflective of creativity that disagreed
with previous research. Behavior traits such as sincere, responsible, good-
natured, reliable, and logical appeared at the top of the teachers’ creative
behaviors list. Additionally, many of the characteristics the researchers
identified as least typical still manifest themselves in various degrees
in individuals who demonstrate creative thinking. However, adjectives
associated by researchers as most typical of a creative child (including the
top four characteristics): making up own rules as he or she goes along,
impulsive, nonconformist, and emotional, were identified by teachers
as being least associated with creativity. Many of the traits linked with
creativity that are embodied in young children are not always valued
or encouraged by teachers as these youngsters enter school. We need
to partner with teachers in our children’s schools and share knowledge
of these creative characteristics. We need to be the first to volunteer to
organize and support programs that allow our children outlets for their
creative behaviors as well as channels for development of their creative
growth. Working with teachers, helping facilitate creatively based pro-
grams (see resources), and supporting the schools can all help develop
the partnerships that will be necessary to promote creativity.
Going against popularly accepted behaviors or accepting a “C” on a
report card because your child decided the project made more sense his
264 parenting gifted children

way is sometimes difficult. This does not mean that I advocate promoting
defiant or disruptive behaviors (indeed the behaviors listed by researchers
as most typical of a creative child are difficult to manage in a classroom);
all children certainly need limits and a classroom should maintain these
limits. However, teachers who themselves think creatively are more apt to
value these behaviors in their classrooms. Locating and supporting these
wonderful teachers who support children and their growth as creative
individuals is imperative. Our job as parents is to recognize traits that
embody the creative nature of our children and honor them. We need
to guide them gently and not be one of the many factors that extinguish
their creativity. We need to find teachers who will join us on this quest
while we do all we can to support this partnership. Just as children learn
through modeling behaviors, teachers and schools can learn to accept and
support creative behaviors in children as parents and educators model
such acceptance and understanding.
Raising a child is never an easy task, but it is an eventful and chal-
lenging journey—a journey all parents share as our children embody
so many different combinations and intensities of creative traits. The
creative behaviors demonstrated by children can seem obnoxious, but
at the same time, useful. Regardless, they also are reflective of creative
thinking. These behaviors can be guided without being suppressed as
we protect the traits that make our children unique individuals and
offer them opportunity for expression. When the frustration level rises,
as it will, gaining a better understanding of creativity as a construct
will help you deal with your child in a positive way. Know that their
behaviors are indicative of their talents, and as you guide them through
the 120th question of the day, remember to be grateful that your child
thinks to ask so many great questions. As you read about the behav-
iors associated with your child, smile and remember what an amazing
opportunity it is to know such a unique little person and advocate for
her creative development. As you meet and work with those wonderful
teachers who value the creative development in children, validate their
work, and promote these educators to others. The partnerships between
you and your child, between you and the teachers, and between you
and the schools, are multifaceted and need a creative approach, just
like the development of creative traits in every individual.
 Raising the Creative Child 265

Resources

Davis, G. A. (2004). Creativity is forever (5th ed.). Dubuque, IA: Kendall/Hunt.

Davis, G. A., & Rimm, S. B. (1998). Education of the gifted and talented (4th
ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Cramond, B. (1994). Attentionâ•‚deficit hyperactivity disorder and creativity:
What is the connection? Journal of Creative Behavior, 28, 193–205.
Strom, R. D., & Strom, P. S. (2002). Changing the rules: Education for
creative thinking. Journal of Creative Behavior, 36, 183–200.
Torrance, E. P. (1965). Rewarding creative behavior. Englewood Cliffs, NJ:
Prentice-Hall.

Programs to Develop Creative Behaviors

Camp Invention—http://www.invent.org/camp/default.aspx
A weeklong summer program, Camp Invention lets children use their imagi-
nation through teamwork, creative problem solving, and inventive thinking.

Destination ImagiNation—http://www.idodi.org
This is an international program that inspires participants to practice and
learn the process, art, and skill associated with Creative Problem Solving.

Future Problem Solving Program—http://www.fpspi.org

This program stimulates critical and creative thinking. It encourages students
worldwide to develop a vision for the future through competitive and non-
competitive participation.

Odyssey of the Mind— http://www.odysseyofthemind.com

This an international program that provides opportunities for students to
apply creative problem solving.

References

Westby, E. L., & Dawson, V L. (1995). Creativity: Asset or burden in the

classroom? Creativity Research Journal, 8, 1–10.
 Part V
Family Dynamics
by Arlene R. DeVries

F
amily dynamics is a theme clearly essential to the development of
gifted children and youth. This section provides practical sugges-
tions for parents and others who interact with these students in
the home, at school, and at the physician’s office. The importance
of relationships and communication is a common theme throughout
each of the selected chapters.
The Tomlinson chapter stresses that just as differentiation is impor-
tant at school, so must parents differentiate at home. Her example of
a mother with three sons—one an academic scholar, one a technical
creative inventor, and the third, a comedian with social charm—illus-
trates that what is best for one is not necessarily the best for the others.
Different opportunities must be provided for each child’s differing
needs. She indicates that both school and home must provide a safe
place where unique needs can be nurtured. “How does it feel here for
the people who must live in this place?” After reading this chapter, the
reader might ask, “In what ways can I differentiate experiences and
support to meet the unique needs of each child in my family?”
The Smutny chapter begins with examples of young gifted chil-
dren who exhibit exceptional talent. She indicates that parents are in a

267
268 parenting gifted children

unique position to observe these behaviors. She also notes that for some
children it takes time for skills to catch up with talent. A helpful list of
common characteristics that can be observed at home is included along
with activities that parents and children can do together. She encour-
ages parents to extend their creative interactions with their children by
using community resources. The experiences and lessons learned from
these home activities can sustain children throughout their schooling.
This chapter suggests a number of creative activities in which parents
and their young children can engage.
In her chapter, “I'm a Kid, Mom, Not a Robot,” Carolyn Cooper
indicates that high-ability kids may be smart, but they wish parents
would also respect their sensitivity. There are times they use one type
of intelligence to solve problems and other times when they simply
act silly with their friends. These children want parents to know they
are not programmed like robots. Parents gain insight as to how their
children learn and what they care deeply about by observing and having
conversations involving current societal issues. Many gifted children
are concerned about inequities in society and then act upon those
convictions. If one could hear them talking to their friends, parents
could gain insight on another side of their child. Parents should ask,
“As a parent, am I sensitive and in tune with the feelings of my gifted
child?”
Sherry Bragg introduces the concept that solo parenting provides
opportunities to foster greater independence and a model for hard work
and high achievement in the face of adversity. Families must bond as
a “household team” to address the unique social and emotional needs
of each member. The single parent who pursues her own interest is a
role model for her children. She suggests that you give up the “super
parent syndrome” and take care of yourself so that you can be there
to take care of your children. When it becomes difficult to cope with
all the demands, consider a family therapist to whom you can go for
regular appointments. After reading this chapter, the reader might ask,
“In what ways have I been a role model for my children?”
Amend and Clouse advocate for a proactive relationship with the
child’s physician. The parent is in the best position to communicate
information about giftedness, a small dose at a time, perhaps from
 Family Dynamics 269

a peer-reviewed journal. Gifted children often are able to verbalize

feelings and situations at an early age. If physicians are informed of
physical symptoms or complaints related to school problems, the pro-
fessional might assist you in advocating for appropriate gifted ser-
vices. A thoughtful reading of this chapter might lead one to consider,
“How might I develop a more positive relationship with my physician
and share honest communication regarding my child's giftedness and
behaviors?”
Effective communication with the school is crucial to your child's
positive development as indicated in the DeVries chapter, “Parent
Teacher Conferences.” Although teachers are experts in curriculum
and classroom management, parents have unique insights about their
child’s needs and abilities. An informed parent can have appropriate
and realistic expectations for the child’s education. Positive communica-
tion presents a willingness to help solve problems and avoids negative
or blaming words. A suggested list of questions to ask the teacher is
included. The reader might ask, “How can I prepare myself for a suc-
cessful school conference?”
Each chapter suggests that positive communication can be effective
in enhancing relationships with all persons interacting with gifted chil-
dren. Parents play an essential role in the child's development. Parents
of gifted children, however, often struggle to find information and
support for their gifted child. Many professionals have received little
or no training in meeting the needs of these students. A continuing
challenge will be to educate communities about the importance of
gifted education. The strategies suggested in these chapters provide a
springboard for successful parent interventions with those who educate
and serve gifted children.
 Chapter 27
Differentiation at Home as
a Way of Understanding
Differentiation at School
by Carol Ann Tomlinson

A
n early teaching colleague of mine became a close friend.
Over the past couple of decades, I’ve loved watching her
three sons grow into young men. I’ve also enjoyed watching
her pleasure in their differences and sometimes her baffle-
ment in the face of those differences. She’s a teacher, so she’s read the
textbooks on human variance and has observed it in every class she
taught. Nonetheless, Christopher, David, and Jay seem in so many
ways to challenge the notion of “family traits.” Thinking about how
this parent has responded to the differences in her children has been
helpful to me on two levels. Certainly it has made me more aware
of the ways in which effective parents differentiate their parenting in
response to varying needs of their children. Thinking about the natural
kind of differentiation that occurs at home also has helped me make
important comparisons of the need for and nature of effectively dif-
ferentiated classrooms.

Different Children, Different Needs

Christopher is the oldest of the brothers. His prodigious atten-

tion span as a 2-year-old was a precursor of things to come. He came

270
 Differentiation at Home as a Way of Understanding Differentiation at School 271

programmed to read, compute, and see the elegance of the scientific

method. There has not yet been an academic challenge that has called
his hand. Academics simply are and always have been his arena.
David is the middle brother. He does well in school, but has never
been drawn to it. What has always claimed his attention is creating
and fixing things. Not simple things—although he fixes those too—
but complex machines and technology. He built a remote controlled
airplane alone at 6. And David also has a passion for work—just plain
old “helping out.” He is intuitive and effortless with it and raises it to
the level of giftedness.
Jay, the last of the trio, also does well in school, but experiences it
largely as a social event. Jay is a leader. He was a comedian even as a
baby and has learned that humor is a magnet. He uses the magnet and
his general charm with the aplomb of someone well beyond his early
adolescent years. Jay came programmed to lead. Carol is the mother of
Christopher, David, and Jay. She would be the first to say that while
parenting skills are somewhat cumulative, much of what she did with
and for Christopher was of little use with or for David, and much of
what she did with or for David was irrelevant for Jay. In other words,
this teacher-mom of three learned quickly, if not always easily, that she
had to differentiate her parenting if she wanted to be an effective catalyst
for helping each of her sons become what it seems he was meant to be.
Reflecting on what Carol learned as she effectively parented three
very different children is helpful in thinking about what effective teach-
ers do when they differentiate instruction in their classrooms. In fact,
her experiences closely parallel those in what we call a differentiated
classroom. Examining her experiences at home can help parents under-
stand why differentiation should happen at school, what differentia-
tion means at school, and even how it might look at school. In today’s
academically diverse schools, it is important for parents to understand
the concept of differentiated instruction so that they can affirm teachers’
positive efforts to address learner variance and encourage continued
efforts in that direction.
272 parenting gifted children

Making it Safe for the Child to Be Who He or She Is

Much of Carol’s success—and ultimately her boys’ success—can

be linked to the environment she helped create for her sons. While
she consistently presented the boys with clear standards for behavior,
responsibility, and interactions with others, she also provided a place
where each of the boys felt safe as he was. There was never a sense that
one of the boys’ proclivities or strengths was preferable to the others’.
From their earliest days, the boys saw her celebrate the uniqueness of
each of them.
In such environments it is safe to be oneself. It is safe to fully
explore one’s possibilities. In such environments, young people know
they are valued for who they are and will be supported as they discover
and develop their unique potential. In such places, expectations are
high enough to be personally challenging, but also there is support for
the journey ahead.
Environments are abstract and intangible. They are constructed day
by day and act by act. In the business of daily existence, there is little
time set aside to ask the question, “How does it feel here for the people
who must live in this space?” Nonetheless, the quality of the environ-
ment shapes everything that takes place for the young people in it.

Reading Signals About Children’s Differences

It was evident from the earliest days of the three boys that their dif-
ferences would be significant. In addition to their predictably different
interests, they matured at different rates in different areas. They were
not ready to play in the yard unattended, stay home alone, or get sum-
mer jobs at the same ages. They required very different sorts of parental
support for homework, from conversational interest to dogged vigilance.
They seemed preprogrammed to learn in different ways. Christopher
learned through books and reasoning, David through practical and
creative approaches, and Jay in the company of peers.
The boys did not require the same amount or same kind of disci-
pline from their parents in their early years. Christopher seemed almost
 Differentiation at Home as a Way of Understanding Differentiation at School 273

not to need rules and guidelines. David, who ultimately became the
most sensitive of the three boys, was a pistol as a toddler. His parents
took parenting classes to figure out how to provide the kind of guid-
ance he needed. Jay was neither Christopher nor David in his need for
early parenting.
Adolescence also was completely different for each of the three.
They experienced it at widely different ages. If one boy experienced it
gently, another was more explosive. If one was mouthy, another was
withdrawn. One of the boys was an early girl magnet. One showed
only peripheral interest in girls until very late adolescence, because so
many other things were so much more interesting to him.
In their readiness to take on various aspects of life, in their inter-
ests, and in their approaches to learning, Christopher, David, and Jay
might as well have been born to different parents. Those differences
necessarily shaped the opportunities their parents needed to provide
for them if the goal was to help each of the young men become what
he wanted to be and seemed meant to be.

Opportunities Follow Need

If it ever occurred to the parents of these three young men to

provide identical opportunities for each of them as they developed,
the boys quickly showed them the folly of those thoughts. Their
particular readiness to learn, personal interests, and approaches to
learning made it necessary to carve out different paths for three very
different human beings.
Sometimes, of course, parental inclinations resulted in common
directions. Their father plays several instruments. Thus, the boys
wanted to play a musical instrument as well, but not the same instru-
ment, and not with the same duration or degree of enthusiasm. All of
the boys participated in athletics, but their choice of sports reflected
their inclination for the solitary versus the group. Passions for sports
waned in proportion to their various capacities to tolerate failure or
waxed in proportion to their various needs for perpetual motion or
to be part of a team.
274 parenting gifted children

Even the choice of schools for the boys was not a matter of course.
At various points in his public schooling, Christopher needed far more
challenge than even a very good neighborhood school could offer.
David needed a school that ensured that his considerable talent did
not recede in the noisy crowd. Jay was fine anywhere there were peers.
The camp Christopher thought was fine for one summer, David
found marginally acceptable for the same span, and Jay couldn’t wait to
return year after year. David sought out partâ•‚time jobs as a youngster.
Christopher acquired them at a much later age and only with consider-
able impetus from his parents.
Two things have always been evident to me in watching my friend
and her three boys. First, she and her husband want the best for their
children. Second, what they found best for one would not necessarily be
best for the others. They have worked as good parents do to make sure
each boy has the opportunities he needed to be as secure, happy, and
productive as possible. None of the boys has had better opportunities
than his brothers. But because these parents accepted the responsibility
to maximize the possibilities of three distinctly different young lives,
each boy has had different opportunities based on need.

Parallels Between Home and Classroom

There’s a story called “The Three Ralphs” that tells of parents who
determined that the best parenting would result in treating all of their
children precisely alike. Naming the first one Ralph, they decided it
was only fair to name each subsequent child Ralph also—even the girl.
Because the baby needed to sleep in a crib, the older Ralphs did so as
well. When one Ralph was hungry, all of them had to eat. The problem
becomes clear pretty quickly—except to the parents who found their
child rearing plan both fair and sensible. Ultimately, the children saw
the flaws in the plan and counseled their parents to continue to treat
all the kids just alike—except when it didn’t make sense to do so.
Christopher, David, and Jay are fortunate to have parents who
always recognized, took pleasure in, and nurtured their uniqueness.
In the context of an environment that balances high expectations,
 Differentiation at Home as a Way of Understanding Differentiation at School 275

love, and support, the three boys have consistently been nurtured in
accordance with their varied developmental patterns, inclinations, and
learning strengths. What these parents did is much like what excellent
teachers do. Connecting differentiation at home with differentiation at
school clarifies the purpose and nature of what needs to take place in
a classroom where 20 to 30 students are anything but duplicates of
one another. Note the similarities between responsive teaching and
responsive parenting.
Carol and Dick accepted responsibility for helping each of their
sons become the best that particular child could be. Essential to that
goal was establishing a healthy and positive learning environment in
which everyone valued individuality. Likewise, teachers who accept
responsibility for maximizing growth in each of their learners begin by
investing heavily in a learning environment that values the individuality
of each student—a place where it feels safe to be oneself, where expec-
tations are high, and where there is consistent support for the journey.
While they might not have thought about themselves as “study-
ing” their three children, Carol and Dick did, in fact, invest heavily in
trying to understand what made each of their children “tick”—what
worked and didn’t work in helping each of the boys develop physi-
cally, emotionally, intellectually, and socially. Similarly, the teacher
who regards the distinctness of each student as valuable will inevita-
bly become a student of his or her students. In doing so, the teacher
becomes increasingly aware of the student’s likes and dislikes, preferred
ways of learning, and points of readiness for the various tasks at hand.
In much the same way as an attentive parent, the teacher uses what
he or she learns to craft ways to tap the student’s strengths and deal
productively with weaknesses.
Whether at home or at school, what logic is there, after all, in
consistently demanding far more from a child than he is ready to give,
or asking far less? What is the merit in disregarding what interests a
child when it is evident that interest summons motivation? And why
would we habitually ask young people to explore or express important
ideas in ways that are ineffective for them?
Dick and Carol didn’t favor one of their children by providing
superior opportunities for growth and development. Their goal was to
276 parenting gifted children

provide what was best for each of the boys. Responsive teachers likewise
do not provide better opportunities for some students than for others.
What they work diligently to do is to provide evolving opportunities
for each learner that respond best to that learner’s evolving needs.

Home Complexities Multiply in the Classroom

The parents of three boys will readily admit that it’s difficult to
address the diverse and changing needs of all three. Some days work
better than others. Sometimes they are better able to balance the com-
peting needs of all three young lives. Sometimes they read the signals
right, and sometimes they don’t. But they keep at it because they see
themselves as stewards of success for their children.
If it is difficult for two parents to “get it right” all of the time with a
small number of young people, the challenge for a teacher is immense.
The degree of student variance in a typical classroom is magnified
by gender, number, race, culture, language, opportunity, economics,
and myriad other factors. Further, whereas attentive parents have the
capacity to study their children over a period of many years, the time
of the teacher with a given student is inevitably constricted.
Nonetheless, a teacher determined to make school work for her
students becomes a persistent hunter and gatherer of information on
each child. By watching, listening, asking, and examining student work,
that teacher develops an ever clearer image of what aids and impedes
learning for each child. Drawing both on professional knowledge of
students and on the day’s image, the teacher designs learning options
that seem most likely to benefit a particular student or group of students.
Each day informs the next—and so on. To these teachers, teaching in a
“Three Ralphs” fashion makes no more sense than parenting in that way.

From Analogy to Partnership

It’s helpful for parents in thinking about the role of the teacher in
an effectively differentiated classroom to again draw on the parent-
 Differentiation at Home as a Way of Understanding Differentiation at School 277

ing analogy. Just as the parents of Christopher, David, and Jay found
themselves having to differentiate opportunities and support based on
the readiness, interest, and learning preference needs of the boys, so it
is with teachers and their students.
Some students need additional time to master a skill and some
need to move more rapidly through a skills sequence. Some students
work with considerable independence and others require considerable
monitoring. Some learn best in analytical ways, while others learn best
in more practical or creative ways. Some students will learn math better
if they can attach it to sports and some by attaching it to science. The
most skillful teachers—like the most skilled parents—study the clues
and respond accordingly. On any day, the results may be imperfect. In
the long haul, however, it is highly likely that students benefit from the
attention of adults who persist in trying to “get it right” for each of them.
Understanding the importance of differentiating for learners, the
nature of the task, and its complexity is important for parents who seek
to be informed about their children’s educational experiences. It’s also
important for parents and teachers to understand the role that each can
play in making school work for individual learners. Teachers have a
greater breadth of knowledge about students of a given age than most
parents can hope to develop. A teacher who has taught sixth grade for
10 years, for instance, has worked with hundreds of students of that
age. On the other hand, parents will inevitably have greater depth of
knowledge about their own children than a teacher could begin to have.
Students are fortunate when parents and teachers understand the
complex responsibility of helping young people build strong, happy,
and productive lives, and when parents and teachers work in tandem
to bring their best insights to bear on the success of children whose
interests they share. Parents can use their own experiences in parenting
young people who inevitably differ in their needs to help them under-
stand and support the world of the teacher who teaches in ways that
also support very different young people in finding their own unique
paths to success.
 Chapter 28
Parenting Young Gifted
Children: How to Discover
and Develop Their Talents
at Home
by Joan Franklin Smutny

“My son has been studying acting (mostly Shakespeare) since he was
4 years old. Once when he was 5 or 6, he memorized an entire script
(90 pages)—everyone’s parts—by the second time he heard it. He
has been acting and auditioning for films and commercials regularly
and has done national commercials for McDonald’s.”

P
arents are usually the first to notice the unusual qualities of
their gifted young children. Sometimes, though, they may
doubt themselves because they lack exposure to other children
or because a relative, teacher, counselor, or school psychologist
discounts their observations. Once their young children begin attend-
ing school, parents frequently find themselves caught between the
unhappiness of their bored or frustrated children and a school system
that may not recognize the needs of gifted students, or one that lacks
the funds and personnel to sustain an educational alternative for them.
Despite the disbelief or incredulity they may encounter, parents
need to trust their observations and instincts. They are their child’s most
accurate judge and are in a unique position to observe and document
their son or daughter’s special talents. The close relationship between

278
 How to Discover and Develop Talents at Home 279

We first noticed Elizabeth was unusual at age 2 when, upon

hearing Copland’s “Rodeo” in an ad on TV, she identified the title
and composer. The ad was the second time she had heard the piece.
Elizabeth (age 6) does fifth-grade reading. She writes great poetry
and creates her own experiments and math problems.

My daughter is in first grade, but goes to a second-grade class

for math. The teacher was discussing the commutative property
of addition with the class—that 3 + 5 is the same as 5 + 3. She
then asked about subtraction: Was 5 – 3 the same as 3 – 5?
They decided that it was not. The other students all said 3 – 5 was
impossible, but Emily said it was possible and that it was “under zero.”
She said the answer was “2 under zero.” She had invented negative
numbers all by herself.

parents and children can provide some unique insight into the strengths
and abilities of their young ones.

Identifying Young Gifted Children

One way for parents to begin identifying their young gifted chil-
dren (ages 4–8) is to become aware of common characteristics they can
observe at home. Below is a list that many parents find useful:
•â•¢ expresses curiosity about many things;
•â•¢ asks thoughtful questions;
•â•¢ has an extensive vocabulary and uses complex sentence
structure;
•â•¢ is able to express him- or herself well;
•â•¢ solves problems in unique ways;
•â•¢ has a good memory;
•â•¢ exhibits unusual talent in art, music, or drama;
•â•¢ exhibits an especially original imagination;
•â•¢ uses previously learned data in new contexts;
•â•¢ is well able to order things in logical sequences;
•â•¢ discusses and elaborates on ideas;
•â•¢ is a fast learner;
280 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ works independently and uses initiative;

•â•¢ exhibits wit and humor;
•â•¢ has a sustained attention span or is willing to persist on chal-
lenging tasks;
•â•¢ is very observant;
•â•¢ shows talent in making up and telling stories; and
•â•¢ is interested in reading.

This list is only an outline of what might emerge in parents’ daily
interactions with their children. The expression of talent depends a
great deal on the home environment—what the family does, the cul-
tural and economic background, and the resources available to the
family. Therefore, it is best to focus on behaviors rather than specific
skills or products.
Even in populations that are relatively homogeneous, giftedness
still expresses itself uniquely in each individual child. Some may begin
speaking and reading early; others may not. Einstein is an example
of a highly gifted child who did not begin speaking until age 4 and
did not begin reading until age 7. I recently met a parent who claimed
that her young son was not gifted because he lacked the ability to read
or write, yet he possessed an extraordinary artistic talent. One day,
he surprised her by meticulously labeling a series of dinosaurs he had
drawn. Focusing on reading and writing, this mother initially failed
to see her son’s gifts or recognize that, in some children, it takes time
for skills to catch up with talent.
Parents, therefore, need not apply rigid academic criteria to their
young children, but can begin observing their strengths and abilities
in the little comments they make, their observations about something
they saw on television or overheard in a conversation between adults,
the questions they pose, and their responses to the thoughts and feel-
ings of others. I have always encouraged parents to look for talent in a
wide range of contexts, including the most casual comment or question.
Even a simple gesture in a very young person can speak volumes.
Some parents have benefited from documenting their young child’s
behavior. Documentation is particularly useful when children attend
a school where the curriculum does not challenge or stimulate their
 How to Discover and Develop Talents at Home 281

growth and development. A portfolio of a child’s work, as well as anec-

dotes written by parents who observed some unusual flash of insight
or knowledge in their child in the course of a day, can become a useful
source of information for teachers who may not realize what the child
can do. In addition, a portfolio can be fortifying for a child who has
lost interest in school and is beginning to doubt his or her worth. A
number of gifted children stop applying themselves when the challenge
is insufficient to inspire them. Then, when they experience penalties
for what appears as laziness or indifference, they begin to doubt their
abilities and retreat from the keen interest they once felt for learning.
A record of young children’s accomplishments can go far in resurrect-
ing their self-esteem, particularly when parents bring the portfolio to
school as evidence of their child’s talents and abilities.

Become a Resource for Young Gifted Children at Home

Children need to know that regardless of their school experience

they will be able to learn and grow in a home environment that is nur-
turing and stimulating. This environment is vital for students who find
themselves with few opportunities in school to explore their interests
and talents. Few adults really understand how imprisoning the regular
curriculum feels to young gifted children.
Constraining them within certain parameters of a subject or topic
is really no different than forcing babies who are ready to walk to keep
crawling until they reach a certain age. When parents actively support
the special talents that make their children such hungry and innovative
learners, they bring fresh air and inspiration to their stifled spirits and
give them the freedom they need to grow and develop naturally.
Parents can integrate critical and creative thinking into all sorts
of situations and activities in the course of the day once they become
more aware of the process and how to apply it to different contexts. The
emphasis should be less on what resources parents can find in the home
and more on how they use what they have. Parenting is a creative art. It
involves improvising with materials at hand, using opportunities that
282 parenting gifted children

arise unexpectedly, and encouraging young children to participate in

problem solving and to develop their own interests and creative projects.
Parents can do much to develop the creative potential of their young
gifted children and keep their love of learning alive and free. I know
many talented children who, despite their frustration and/or boredom
in school, still manage to preserve their inner creative resources because
their parents support them unconditionally. Parents can inspire their
children’s creative imagination by freely exploring ideas with them,
posing questions, valuing their individuality in all its expressions, and
making them feel safe about taking risks. Below are examples of some
creative thinking processes that provide a useful guide for activities
and conversations. They come from the work of pioneer researcher E.
Paul Torrance.
•â•¢ Fluency: The child produces many ideas (through brainstorming
or free association).
•â•¢ Flexibility: The child thinks of alternatives to the conventional
way of looking at things.
•â•¢ Originality: The child innovates and invents within a specific
context.
•â•¢ Elaboration: The child extends his or her creative ideas in order
to apply them (which involves testing, experimenting, analyz-
ing, and synthesizing).

These processes do not occur in isolation, of course, and parents
need not concern themselves with these definitions other than as a basic
guide. These processes open up a whole range of creative possibilities
that can occur at the spur of the moment. When a mother notices her
young gifted girl thumbing through a book of paintings, for example,
she could:
•â•¢ ask her to write about what she sees from the point of view
of a tree, an animal, or whatever else might be in the picture;
•â•¢ ask her to describe what has just happened in the painting or
what will happen after it;
•â•¢ put a piece of paper next to the picture and have her draw an
extension from where the painting finishes;
 How to Discover and Develop Talents at Home 283

•â•¢ discuss the strokes used in the painting (e.g., are they large,
sweeping ones or many tiny ones as in Impressionism?) and
use similar strokes in a painting of her own.

Visual images are excellent catalysts for either storytelling, creative
writing, or other related art projects. Children enjoy looking at pho-
tographs or magazines and talking about what they see. Some gifted
children will automatically begin inventing stories. Parents can buy
scrapbooks or notebooks and make a book with their children by cut-
ting out photos and creating a story to accompany them. This project
can be especially fun when the focus is a book about the children. Old
pictures of their babyhood and earlier years, places they have traveled
to or things they have done, magazine pictures, and sketches, as well
as imaginary storylines, will delight young gifted children. If they are
too young to write or write only haltingly, parents can have the children
dictate to them. Integrating media (visual images with storytelling and/
or writing) stimulates creative ideas in both parents and children and
does not require expensive supplies.

Book Activities With Gifted Children

Here are a few examples of activities parents and children can do

together with books:
•â•¢ A mother reads her daughter two books about animals in a
tropical forest. After reading them, the child is asked to draw
the characters in both books and the two begin discussing
what they learned from the two different stories. The mother
keeps posing questions: How might the characters from both
books get along with each other? Where in the forest will they
live? What other things might happen to them in their homes?
What adventures might they have?
There are all sorts of variations to combining books. For
example, children could discuss, draw, or write about charac-
ters in two books. Suppose the characters from these two books
284 parenting gifted children

got together. What might happen? How might the stories in

each book change? How might the characters change?
•â•¢ Parents also can combine fiction and nonfiction. Once they
become aware of their children’s interests, they can use books
on a particular subject from a variety of disciplines. For exam-
ple, a girl who wants to learn about whales might enjoy com-
bining a science book about their natural life, another one
about a fictional whale, and then perhaps watch a video about
them. She may like to write a series of poems, dictate stories
of her own, or possibly create a map charting the migration
routes of whales.
•â•¢ An important dimension to creative thinking is the ability to
think of alternatives. Books offer a ready resource for this. For
example, parents can talk to their gifted young children about
point of view. What if you were another character in the story?
How would you tell the story? What would you change in the
story? Children can dramatize their own alternate endings,
discuss, paint, and/or write them.
•â•¢ Other activities children enjoy include changing endings to
books, adding episodes of their own, creating sequels to par-
ticular books they love, and/or changing settings (e.g., place
Little Red Riding Hood in the city).

These are only a few possibilities. Parents will find themselves using
a variety of resources—from books to art to costumes to backyard
imaginary games to walks in the park to common chores like baking or
shopping—and will find in them many ways to involve their children
in critical and creative thinking.

Using Community Resources

Parents can easily extend this creative work with their young gifted
children by incorporating resources in their community. Museums,
aquariums, plays, musicals, dance companies, concerts, library events,
and community centers that hold classes for children can expand their
 How to Discover and Develop Talents at Home 285

exposure to and involvement in subjects that interest them. Wherever

possible, parents should try to prepare their children for these outings
by reading books with them and/or discussing what they will see. These
experiences can then become catalysts for projects children do on their
own (e.g., drawings, paintings, creative writing).
When parents take their children outside for further enrichment,
they need to help them think about what they are seeing, hearing,
or feeling. I know a number of parents who make it a habit to ask
their children what they are noticing—what baffles, inspires, intrigues,
confuses them—and to discuss any new knowledge they gain in the
course of their adventure together. Experiences outside of the home
should extend from the activities and/or discussions parents and chil-
dren engage in at home. A young gifted daughter, for example, may
suddenly discover an interest in astronomy. Her parents could share
books with her on the neighboring planets, take her on a visit to a local
observatory, watch a video on space travel, and perhaps encourage her
to write and illustrate some science fiction stories. A young boy who
enjoys nature would benefit from nature walks, a summer ecology
program, trips to aquariums, zoos, natural history museums, books,
and nature videos.

A Haven At Home

I know a mother who made every walk in the woods with her young
daughter something to cherish and think about. She often identified
favorite wildflowers, the names of plants, birds, and other creatures. The
young girl developed a vivid perception of the natural world around her
and an understanding of the life cycles and living habits of plants and
animals in the woods. She often would pretend she was a woodland
creature and wrote and illustrated stories about her experiences. Later
on when she found herself in a classroom where her creative energy
and ideas had no place, she relied on the inner resources she developed
through the time spent with her mother to sustain her throughout the
school year.
 Chapter 29
I’m a Kid, Mom, Not a Robot:
What High-Ability Children
Want Their Parents to Know
About Them
by Carolyn R. Cooper

W
hat does your high-ability child want you to know
about whom he or she really is? How sure are you?
Books about bright children frequently include
lists of characteristics to describe these youngsters’
intellectual, social, emotional, and academic behaviors. Often miss-
ing from these lists, however, is this key disclaimer: “SOME bright
children demonstrate SOME, but not all, of these characteristics.”
Lists of characteristic behaviors should be used as a guide but
never as a prescription for raising a high-ability child. Why? Terms
used are relative, not absolute. “Highly creative,” “rapid learner,” or
“long attention span,” for example, mean one thing to Parent A, but
Parent B may interpret them quite differently. Each parent bases his
or her understanding of these terms on experience. Additionally, some
characteristics may not apply to your bright youngster at all.
To understand such terms a parent needs the appropriate context.
What do I mean? An illustration may be helpful. One child may display
the “highly creative” characteristic through his ability to solve problems.
By making new connections, such as using ordinary household items
in innovative ways, a child is demonstrating creative thinking. Let’s

286
 What High-Ability Children Want Their Parents to Know About Them 287

say the pull-tab on the zipper around the rear window of the family
convertible is broken, so the window cannot be opened. Replacing the
broken part with a small wooden toggle from an old chain saw is an
example of the “highly creative” characteristic.
A second child’s “highly creative” ability plays out another way. A
first-grader may be a strikingly proficient sketch artist. Birds in flight,
facial profiles, and pastoral scenes—she sketches them all, demonstrat-
ing artistic skill well beyond her years.
What might we learn about our children that they would actually
like us to know? Many bright children and youth won’t tell us directly;
they don’t want to hurt us. If we could only hear them talking with
their friends . . .
Imagine for a moment that we’ve brought together a group of eight
high-ability youngsters—ages 6 to 17—to discuss what they want their
parents to know about them: who they really are. Although these
young people of different ages and experiences weren’t actually all in
the same room together at the same time—allow me a little “artistic
license”—they are all real youngsters with whom I’ve discussed this
topic personally over the years, individually and in small groups.
Let’s listen in from an imaginary observation booth. Through its
one-way window we can see all eight young people. They appear to
be discussing several characteristics they know well from their own
experiences. Their statements are frank and straightforward and, in
every instance, convey the attitudes of most, if not all, of the group.
Listen carefully. What we learn may truly surprise us!

Kids First

“We’re kids!” states 9-year-old Connor emphatically. “We’re kids

first, last, and always. And because we’re kids, we like kid things. I
want my parents to know that I really like to act goofy sometimes. Kids
do that, and parents need to be OK with it when we do.” Connor adds,
“We act smart when we need to, but being smart doesn’t mean you’re
not a kid first.”
288 parenting gifted children

Lakeesha, age 16, explains, “We don’t like stupid stuff—like being
treated like a little kid. I’m a normal teenager who likes my iPod, teen
magazines, music that’s probably too loud, and talking on the phone
with my friends. Oh, and I just love instant messaging!”
As the comments of these two bright, capable, and highly advanced
students imply, there is a fine line parents must tread between accepting
their children’s admittedly silly behavior upon occasion and realizing
they’re growing up with others their age who may embrace or, just as
easily, revile age mates with abilities obviously different from theirs.

Wired Differently

Often included in a list of characteristics of high-ability children is

“concerned with fairness and justice” or “cares deeply about others’ wel-
fare.” Every parent knows how young children tend to like animals—be
them family pets or residents of a zoo. In bright children, however,
beyond the natural bond between children and animals resides a deep
conviction that animals must be treated with the love and respect liv-
ing things deserve. Therefore, when these children learn of manatees
harmed by careless boaters, mink being trapped, or land developers
driving native animals from their habitats, they are angry about such
practices and seek ways to take action to prevent their further use.
“I really don’t like all the new houses going up in my neighborhood,”
says Meghan, age 7. “When my family moved there a few years ago,
we loved watching all the animals that lived in the woods. It was like
a forest. Now,” she explains, “the trees have been cut down, and more
houses are being built, but the animals are gone. It’s sad that they lost
their homes just for more houses. It isn’t fair!”
“But Meghan, don’t you think trees used to stand on the land where
your house is, too?” challenges Julia, the 10-year-old in the group. “The
animals in those trees lost their homes, right?” Meghan shakes her head
slowly as she ponders Julia’s point.
“Maybe,” suggests Donnell, 17, “it’s a question of which matters
more—animals that live in the woods or people who live in houses. My
grandma was forced to move from her house in the city so a parking
 What High-Ability Children Want Their Parents to Know About Them 289

lot for the zoo could be built in its place. In this case, the zoo animals
won in a way, but my grandma lost her home.”
Meghan is visibly perplexed by this dilemma of whether human
beings or animals are more important. As she considers the scenario
Donnell has related about his grandmother, we see others begin to
chat quietly among themselves about this puzzling issue. After the
group’s brief discussion of pros and cons, Meghan states her conclu-
sion: “I think animals and people are both important,” she says, “so
we probably can’t say one is more important than the other. I guess
nature wins sometimes, and people win other times, and that makes
it kind of fair, anyway.” The group nods in approval. Meghan learned
firsthand the difficult process of resolving a moral dilemma centered
on her concern for others’ welfare.
“Last year in kindergarten I tried to protect the bald eagle,” recalls
David, age 6. “I sent a letter to every U.S. senator and representative
and asked them what they were doing to protect our national symbol.
The ones who answered my letter got a plaque I made especially for
them. My dad helped me burn their name into it, too.” To his surprise,
David’s deep sense of purpose earns a round of applause from everyone
else in the group. They understand.
Youngsters with an especially strong moral sense for what they per-
ceive as right and wrong want the glitches in the world to be addressed
and corrected. As these children grow, they broaden their sphere of
concern to include their genuine compassion for the welfare of other
human beings and find themselves caring deeply about the indignities
many suffer. Julia puts her disbelief this way, “How, in America, the
richest country in the world, can so many people be homeless? Why is
that allowed to go on year after year?”
“Because too many people care only about themselves and don’t
even see the homeless after a while,” answers Donnell. “Our society
seems to be about me, me, me and nobody else. That attitude makes
me sick! I want to do something about it.”
“Me, too!” and a few more “Me, too!” endorsements echo Donnell’s
desire to right the wrong that concerns both him and the others in the
group deeply as well. In short, these young people are wired differently
from many their age. They not only know about conviction; they also
290 parenting gifted children

feel it genuinely, and what proves their sincerity is their decision to act
upon that conviction. They embody the adage, “Actions speak louder
than words.”

Smart Sometimes

Inconsistencies in how your child applies his or her intelligence

may baffle you at times. “How can she be so smart in science but get
such low grades in math?” you ask. Or, “For a kid who comes up with
brilliant solutions to problems around the house, why isn’t he a better
reader? We know he’s smart.”
The short answer is this: More than innate intelligence is at play in
problem solving, reading, understanding math, succeeding in science,
and every other type of learning. Different tasks require different types
of thinking. For example, reading well requires one type of thinking
whereas creating solutions to problems around the house or inventing
new ways to use odds and ends accumulating in the basement or garage
call for thinking that is quite different. These thought processes aren’t
interchangeable, but your youngster may well apply both types to sepa-
rate situations. The human mind is extremely complex, which accounts
for the variation of strengths and talents between and among individu-
als—sometimes, in the same family. A person’s use of various types
of thinking also helps explain why demonstrating high ability in one
area doesn’t necessarily carry over to others. This is perfectly normal for
high-ability youngsters as well as for other children. Let’s listen to what
Tiffany wants her parents to know about this particular issue.
“I’d like my parents to accept the fact that I’m smart in some
subjects but not in others. That’s just the way it is,” asserts Tiffany, 13,
who says her parents pressure her to do as well in math as she does in
drama. Asked to elaborate a bit, Tiffany notes that she’s interested in
and, in fact, passionate about drama; from her earliest recollections,
she played school, church, and weddings and, when her playmates
weren’t around, she played every role herself. “The time I was in my first
school play, our director told me I was a natural,” she comments with
a broad smile. “But I’m no natural in math! I’d really like my parents
 What High-Ability Children Want Their Parents to Know About Them 291

to understand that even bright kids aren’t good at everything. We’re

not robots!”
“I know what you mean, Tiffany. My parents want me to be smart
in everything, too.” Cole, a 12-year-old who has been following this
conversation silently, offers insight that reflects his exceptional ability
to reason logically. “Math requires abstract thinking, but drama is a
concrete activity that you act out with your emotions. You need to
memorize certain things for both, but learning math facts is different
from learning your lines or movements on stage. Besides, you sound
like you’re much more interested in drama than in math, anyway, right?
Interest has a lot to do with how we learn.”
Cole then proceeds to explain that he’s “smarter” in reading and
social studies than in science. He loves to read, do research, and “dig
up facts and stories most people don’t know. My dad would like me to
be as smart in science as he is,” he says matter-of-factly. “He’s a science
genius; we call him a ‘guru’ ‘cuz he knows SOOOO MUCH!” After
pausing for a few seconds, Cole then concludes with a statement reveal-
ing the sense of guilt some high-ability children harbor as a result of
parent pressure to be equally smart in everything they do. “I think my
dad’s embarrassed because I’m just not good in science at all. I wish
he could understand how I learn and accept it.”

Sensitive All of the Time

High-ability children tend to be more sensitive than parents may

expect. Also, parents often do not realize they themselves may be partly
responsible for this sensitivity. “Do any of your parents,” Meghan asks,
“make you show off how smart you are to your grandparents? I—”
A resounding chorus of groans and “oh, yeah’s” interrupts her.
A few seconds later, Meghan continues. “I HATE that!” she says
emphatically. “I feel like I’m on display—like some kind of trophy.
Why do they do that? It sure makes me feel terrible. I wish they would
understand that kids who are smart also have feelings.”
“When I was little, my mom used to make me sing in front of
EVERYBODY—my grandparents, the neighbors, and anybody else
292 parenting gifted children

who would listen to me,” Lakeesha recounts in obvious disgust. “I must

have been like a wind-up toy! Then, in elementary school, I had to show
off how smart I was in math, too. I half expected my audiences to throw
pennies! It was humiliating.” For this 16-year-old, the pain is still real.
“Does your mom still make you show off like that?” David inquires
of Lakeesha. Our 6-year-old sounds more than a little apprehensive.
He’s relieved when the teenager assures him that her mother “has
passed that stage,” for which she is truly grateful.
The “stage” Lakeesha mentions is more likely a parent’s genuine
appreciation of his or her child(ren)’s strengths, talents, interests, and
activities—what makes these kids tick, so to speak. And, predictably,
grandparents, too, want to know their grandchildren as individuals.
How better to understand them than through the youngsters’ achieve-
ments or hobbies?
When I was a child, in lieu of parading out my two brothers and
me to perform solo for our grandparents, my mom and dad capitalized
on our family’s love of singing. During our grandparents’ occasional
visits, my mother asked the three of us to play our musical instru-
ments—piano, trumpet, and E flat alto saxophone—as accompaniment
to the family sing-a-long she’d initiate, and, after four or five songs,
the activity was over.
This approach was successful primarily because none of us was spot-
lighted; we were just the instrumental component of the sing-a-long.
As the pianist, I selected songs I knew my younger brothers could both
play, and our parents, grandparents, and anyone else who happened to
be visiting at the moment enjoyed both singing and seeing us play our
instruments at the same time.
That this event, our extended family’s singing a few familiar songs
together, was very low key made it enjoyable for all. More important
for us was everyone being included in the activity, which minimized
significantly the “talent show” aspect that we three would have found
embarrassing. As a result, my brothers and I never felt exploited and
actually were pleased that our grandparents could celebrate with us
the family’s love of music.
“I don’t understand why my parents think being smart is anything
to brag about,” says Connor. “Some of us are smarter than other kids
 What High-Ability Children Want Their Parents to Know About Them 293

our age, but so what? Some of them are probably smarter than we are
in ways we don’t even know. I think being smart looks different from
person to person.”
The nine-year-old then describes overhearing his parents at a party
held recently in the family home. “Unfortunate timing,” he notes with
a sense of humor that belies his age; report cards had just come out.
Imitating their remarks in a disapproving tone, he mimics his parents’
hyperbole. “Our Connor is so intelligent! At home he acts like a regular
kid most of the time—although he does read 10 or 11 books every week,
you know—but in school, well, we think he’s probably the smartest boy
in his class!” As Connor rolls his eyes, the group groans again, only
louder. These youngsters have all been there, too.
As the conversation winds down, Julia, closest to Connor in age,
asks him an interesting question. “Connor, what subject are you smart-
est in?”
Connor’s reply is most insightful. “I like anything that has puzzles,
problems to figure out. It’s not the subject so much; it’s what we do in
class that I really like or don’t like.”
Connor then explains that rote memorization of isolated facts, read-
ing out loud in a group, and doing worksheet after worksheet is “dull
and boring.” He much prefers hands-on involvement with his learning;
using the microscope himself, for instance, is far more stimulating than
listening to a teacher talk about the instrument. Connor notes, too, that
he enjoys simulations in which students use role-play scenarios to apply
key concepts they are learning. “I remember what I learn this way a lot
more than by sitting and listening.”

So, What Should Parents Know?

The comments of these eight youngsters convey strong messages

about what they want their parents to know about them. So what can
parents learn about their children that the youngsters sincerely want
them to know?
First, they want parents to understand that they’re kids first, so
when they act silly, try to remember that “kids act goofy sometimes,”
294 parenting gifted children

as Connor pointed out. What’s more, high-ability youngsters want

parents “to be OK with it” when they do act silly. Acting like a child
releases the stress many experience from being different from age-mates,
perhaps from being chided or ridiculed, and, often, from their parents’
unrealistic expectations for their children to apply their exceptional
abilities all the time. By accepting some silliness, parents show that
they understand their kids’ need to act this way occasionally and are
“OK with it,” as we heard in our imaginary observation booth.
Second, many high-ability children are wired differently. With a
keen moral sense, they care deeply about what they regard as glitches
in society, but, unlike others who merely talk about their concern for
others less fortunate, these youngsters act upon their conviction.
Why not watch a newscast with your child once a week? News
reports often contain stories about the homeless, about mentally ill
patients being displaced from group homes, or about elderly citizens
unable to pay the escalating costs of prescription medicines they need.
These issues are just some of the societal glitches that concern high-
ability youngsters, so you might ask your child—in a casual man-
ner—what he or she thinks could be done to address one of the issues
reported in the newscast.
Be sure to make no value judgments about your child’s sugges-
tion. You’re asking what he or she thinks, so honor earnest responses.
Keeping the conversation informal is key to engaging the youngster in
the discussion. Then, if the ideas are flowing easily, ask how your family
might help someone in need. Perhaps neighbors or school friends could
be enlisted to help with specific tasks.
Third, you might learn more about your high-ability child by
observing how he or she solves real-life problems. Caution: While
observing, again be low key; you may alienate your child if he suspects
he’s on display for some reason! People solve problems differently; how
you approach problem solving may be completely unlike how your son
does it. In fact, if your child’s methods appear to be way off base, keep
in mind what I’ve said about an individual’s multiple thought processes.
Then, for reassurance, remind yourself of Einstein’s profound statement
about problem solving: “A problem cannot be solved at the same level
 What High-Ability Children Want Their Parents to Know About Them 295

at which it was created.” Your child’s method may be as good as, or

even better than yours!
Does your youngster create a solution by first writing notes or
making an outline? Or, does she doodle, scribble, or sketch “chunks”
of ideas? Perhaps she plays with objects on the kitchen counter or in
her room while thinking about a solution. It may appear that she’s
paying no attention whatsoever to the task at hand, and this may be
so. But parents need to know that what they perceive as idle fidgeting
with nearby objects or stalling for time may well be productive think-
ing—perhaps, combining properties of these objects in new ways, for
instance.
Another message your child wants you to hear regards the incon-
sistencies in how and when high-ability youngsters apply their abilities.
So, when your bright child’s next report card comes out, remember,
high ability in one area of endeavor doesn’t necessarily translate to high
ability in another. The thinking skills required for success in each may
vary considerably.
As Tiffany says in the group’s conversation, smart kids are “not
robots.” And they’re not “good at everything,” either. Unless your child’s
grades are substantially lower than they were previously and you know
of no cause for the difference, be accepting of the report card but ask
what she wants you to know about these lower grades. If she doesn’t
want to discuss the report card, so be it. First, reassure her of your love
for her, and your interest in her performance, too, by saying something
like, “I realize that just because you’re outstanding in some subjects
you may not rank as highly in every class.” Speaking to your youngster
about grades in an honest, invitational tone may work wonders in her
classroom performance, and her next report card may be even better.
Finally, what your high-ability children want you to know is that
they are not only smart but also sensitive. Bright kids feel different
from their age-mates because they are different. Exploitation of them
by their proud, well-meaning parents can lead them to rebel, to hide
their talents, and, sadly, to associate with “troublemakers” in and out of
school as retribution for their parents’ attempts to make them perfect
children.
296 parenting gifted children

Because their remarkable abilities separate them from others their age,
many bright youngsters are embarrassed easily. They often fear their
moms and dads will brag to friends and colleagues about their achieve-
ments, something they implore their parents not to do. Parents need
to appreciate this sensitivity and treat their children as normal kids
with normal kids’ needs.
In summary, then, remember that high-ability children are smart
in different ways, a critically important fact they would like their par-
ents to know, understand, and respect. Let your child know that you
honestly want to know him or her as an individual as well as a son or
daughter. On this level of openness, an effective relationship can be
built between parent and child—a bond that mutual understanding,
trust, integrity, and genuine appreciation will only strengthen through
the years.
 Chapter 30
The Tao of Solo Parenting
Gifted Children
by Sherry S. Bragg

P
arenting gifted children comes with all of the typical responsibil-
ities: chauffeuring them to lessons and enrichment classes, seeking
out mentors and tutors, finding time for more frequent interaction
with schools, meeting their unique social and emotional needs, and
advocating for their exceptional educational needs. Such an undertaking
can exhaust and overwhelm even the most competent, stable, and expe-
rienced coparenting team, but solo parents shoulder these overwhelming
burdens alone and have to work even harder to raise exceptional children.
Parenting a gifted child is a blessing, a sacred gift that shapes the soul.
Solo parenting a gifted child tests your ability to survive the blessing!
So, how can solo parents expect to raise exceptional kids with little or
no support? The daunting task of solo parenting gifted children requires
a detailed, multifaceted management plan that addresses many issues.

Family and Domicile

Take heart in the fact that even though a single-parent household

may not be the ideal family, you are still a family in which, as a parent,
you have much to offer your children in the way of empathy, as well as
understanding the nuances of what it means to think and feel differently.
Thinking of yourselves as members of the same household team and
conducting family meetings provides a strategy to help alleviate some

297
298 parenting gifted children

of the stress associated with being a part of a solo-parent household,

possibly composed of several gifted individuals. Holding regular fam-
ily meetings is a practice that encourages negotiation skills as well as
shared responsibility, both critically important for solo parents.
Take time to plan and dream together. Limit television and com-
puter time in favor of imaginative discussions and reading with your
kids. Even after they are old enough to read to themselves, reading the
same books together or watching the same movies affords rich opportu-
nities for deeper communication. Incorporate learning into everything
you do together, even the most mundane. Plan nutritious meals, shop
and cook together, and most importantly, make time to share at least
one meal a day together because mealtime facilitates discussion of daily
events in a relaxing and nurturing environment.
All parents of gifted children need opportunities to share the frus-
trations and joys of their parenting experiences with each other, but
if you are a solo parent with no one with whom to share the joy and
pride of your gifted child’s accomplishments, this need becomes an
even higher priority. Maintaining a support system of extended fam-
ily and friends fills this need, as well as provides a means of practical
assistance in the way of help with major homework projects or cooking
a meal on those occasions when solo parents come home from work
too exhausted to think.
You may wish to dialogue with other solo parents online or through
support groups sponsored by your community or religious organization.
Find other solo parent families to do things with, especially during the
holidays when the pain and loneliness of solo parenting can feel most
overwhelming. Seeking out opportunities for community service that
you can share together as a family also models character qualities of
compassionate service to the larger community while providing solo
parents with much needed socialization with other adults.
From what we know about the role of family influences on the devel-
opment of gifted children, research suggests that children who grow up
in “complex” families (those that are a combination of both stimulation
and nurturance), are happier, more alert, more engaged, and more goal
directed than those who grow up with only one or neither of these traits.
In addition, parents who (a) grant their children more than the usual
 The Tao of Solo Parenting Gifted Children 299

amount of independence, (b) offer enriched environments with a high

level of intellectual or artistic stimulation, and (c) model hard work and
high achievement have the best outcomes for developing and maintaining
their children’s gifted characteristics. Instead of thinking solo parents are
at a disadvantage in this regard, it is possible to reframe our perspective
of solo parent families as a unique opportunity to become a constructive
milieu for nurturing giftedness. This is because the most salient qualities
of the Tao of solo parenting are its potential to exemplify a child-centered
environment, foster greater independence, and model hard work and
high achievement in the face of adversity.

Academic Issues

Even the best home environment may be undermined by negative

learning experiences at school. Partnering with educators can provide
children with quality educational experiences that nurture their gifts and
talents. Offer to help locate supplemental materials or make your child’s
teacher aware of conference speakers or workshops for the sake of your
child’s optimal educational growth and development. Because it is vital
to avoid any mismatch between your child’s educational environment
and her abilities, parents must make it a priority to observe their child’s
classroom, actively communicate with teachers, and advocate for learning
environments where students with gifts and talents can thrive.
The challenges may be even greater if you are parenting a twice-
exceptional gifted child, for whom doubly special academic needs require
attendance at additional conferences for planning, monitoring progress,
and evaluating results for strengths, limitations, and their interactions.
These needs may contribute to the overextension of limited parental
resources, causing further stress and hardship for solo parents. The extra
time required for this level of interaction with teachers and administra-
tors may prove exceptionally challenging for many solo parents, who
habitually tend to feel that they are “a day late and a dollar short” in
everything. But engaging school officials in compassionate and sensitive
communication is not an unrealistic expectation. By being candid with
teachers and letting them know your limitations as well as your needs
300 parenting gifted children

and goals for your child, you may be pleasantly surprised to discover they
can become caring and supportive members of your team.

Money Matters

Solo parents have to work harder to respond to their gifted child’s

demands for an enriched environment. How can this be done on a one-
income, shoestring budget? Many solo parent households also receive
public assistance and struggle just to provide the basics. My goal has
been to provide each of my children the opportunity to receive lessons
or enrichment in at least one of their areas of interest, but for years our
economic circumstances could be described as “situational poverty.” Little
money existed for decent transportation, food, clothing, and shelter, let
alone expensive lessons and extracurricular activities, such as the $35
an hour horseback riding lessons for which my daughter had begged.
What’s a solo parent to do? Initially, I asked my 10-year-old daughter to
write a persuasive essay containing at least five reasons why horseback
riding could further her learning, increase her self-esteem, and enhance
her leadership skills. She responded with a detailed presentation of how
learning to communicate with a horse through body language with hands,
fingertips, scat, and emotion was practice for communicating with people.
She explained that as the youngest of seven children, she feels like nobody
ever really listens to her. Having authority over a horse that obeys her
slightest command gives her a sense of empowerment. “You have to
believe in yourself and you cannot lose your cool if you are going to be in
control of a 1,200 pound horse.” I was amazed by the many reasons she
articulated to convince me of the worthiness of equestrian education. I
contacted the closest stable offering riding lessons, swallowed my pride,
and asked if there was any way we could barter services for lessons. As
a result of this conversation, we now clean house for the stable owner
in exchange for my daughter’s horseback riding lessons. Exhausting in
addition to all of my other responsibilities? Absolutely! But it’s worth it
for my daughter to know that I’m willing to do whatever it takes in order
to invest in her dreams.
 The Tao of Solo Parenting Gifted Children 301

Discover Personal Interests

Solo parents need not feel guilty for continuing to pursue their own
intellectual interests and creative pursuits. A solo parent with passion
of her own inspires her children, providing them with a role model
for service and industry, along with opportunities to develop greater
self-reliance.
It is important to find activities with other children who share some
of the same interests as your gifted child because it often can be difficult
for nonconforming, highly driven, divergent thinkers to find like-minded
peers in the typical classroom environment. Sports, drama, art, chess
club, foreign language, swim team, music, orchestra, scouting, 4H clubs,
YMCA, summer camps, religious education, community service, enrich-
ment classes, afterschool clubs, distance learning, and computer technol-
ogy all present opportunities for gifted kids to socialize and explore their
abilities in a nonthreatening environment. Many of these programs also
offer scholarships or financial assistance to defray expenses. Solo parents
on the lookout for free extracurricular enrichment opportunities should
not underestimate the value of tuition-free musical education offered by
the public school as a means of encouraging exploration of a subject area,
as well as nurturing undeveloped talent. In a German research study
using MRI scans, Gottfried Schlaug discovered that intense exposure
to music actually expands brain mass. Schlaug found that musicians
who started playing music as young children were found to have a larger
mass of nerve fibers connecting the brain’s two hemispheres, providing
a rationale for the development and stimulation of intellectual growth.
Studies on the effect of classical music instruction on children’s academic
performance indicate that the process of learning to read music, as well
as the diligent practice required to master a musical instrument, transfer
to higher achievement in the classroom.

The Power of Creativity

Many solo parents struggle with not having an intact family. Their
sense of guilt may be acute, particularly if they are single as a result
302 parenting gifted children

of divorce and their children were traumatized by frequent parental

discord and family turmoil. Studies done by Goertzel and Goertzel
in 2004 found that “homes which cradle eminence, creativity, and
contentment are not congenial.” Only 58 of the 400 famous men and
women whose biographies they studied had homes they classified as
comfortable, content, warm, and untroubled. Solo parents can take
comfort in the fact that exceptionally talented and creative individuals
need not come only from harmonious and untroubled homes.
Deliberately work to nurture your child’s creativity. Let children
take their creativity as far as they can and don’t worry that they won’t
be well-rounded. Set limits but actively nurture creativity by providing
a place for creativity to happen. When my son showed genuine artistic
promise, a professional in the field offered some sage advice. He recom-
mended that I provide an ample space at home (well-stocked with art
supplies), brace myself for the inevitable disorder, and then leave him
to his own devices. When my son was a toddler, I fastened newsprint
to the walls all over our house and he drew on the walls to his heart’s
content. As a grownup, he now receives monetary reward for painting
murals on the walls of other people’s homes!
Be prepared to tolerate messy projects in various stages of comple-
tion in your home. Bear in mind that the process is every bit as impor-
tant as the product. Allow your children to work through the process
and value it by demonstrating enthusiasm for the ongoing process, not
just the final product. Remember that the process is in the journey and
not only the final destination; this will help you not only in the fine art
of parenting but also in the fine art of living life, as well as in the pursuit
of creativity, no matter what area of creativity needs to be expressed.
From the personal experience of having parented a writer, an artist, a
musician, and a twice-exceptional, creatively gifted vocal performer
with bipolar disorder, I can attest that adolescence often is the most
difficult phase in creative growth and expression. Take heart, though,
for as gifted children emerge from their teen years, their emotional
stability and coping skills seem to improve.
Profoundly academically gifted individuals experience twice the
rate of social and emotional difficulties found among their nongifted
peers, and in general, highly creative gifted children experience more
 The Tao of Solo Parenting Gifted Children 303

emotional difficulties than academically gifted children. Because of

this, parents of all gifted children may need more support than other
parents in dealing with the tensions between cognitive, emotional, and
physical development.

Social-Emotional Needs

When high-ability students’ social and emotional needs aren’t being

met at school, the family is more likely to be a source of strong support.
How do solo parents help their children reduce stress, focus on positive
behavior, enhance emotional security, and strengthen relationships, thus
liberating our children to develop their highest potential? We must exam-
ine our own communication styles, coping strategies, and stress manage-
ment skills. We cannot expect to pass on healthy communication styles
to our children if we have not first learned them ourselves. The greatest
service we can offer our gifted children may be to develop the kind of
positive social coping strategies that maximize their energy for learning
opportunities. Making time in your schedule to include your children in
your quest for inner peace and serenity, although it sounds corny, really
works. Letting them participate in your yoga, aerobics classes, or an at-
home workout is healthy for both mind and body.
Gifted children have unique social, emotional, and psychological
characteristics. They often struggle with the conflict of wanting to fit
in socially and their atypical predisposition to nonconformity. They
may be introverted, intense, hypersensitive, perfectionistic, and driven.
Solo parents can take comfort in the fact that intellectually gifted kids
appear to have better adjustment due to their emotional resilience and
superior problem-solving abilities. This is good news for children of
solo parents who must navigate the phases of grief due to the absence
of a parent as a result of separation, death, disability, or court decree.
Although high intelligence is considered a protective factor for chil-
dren in the resilience literature, it must not be taken for granted. If a
problem, such as anxiety, sadness, depression, or poor interpersonal
relations, continues for longer than a few weeks, it would be worthwhile
to consider professional consultation.
304 parenting gifted children

Many solo parents are dealing with difficult emotional adjustment

issues unique to rearing children without the benefit of a partner or
coparent or, in many cases, without the assistance of extended family.
Parenting gifted children is a challenge even under the most ideal cir-
cumstances but solo parenting a gifted child without a partner presents
a very real temptation to treat one’s gifted child as a confidante. As the
movie, Little Man Tate accurately portrays, gifted children, especially
those with high emotional intelligence who appear older and wiser
than their years, may exhibit characteristics of pseudomaturity. Gifted
children sometimes appear so mature, poised, sensitive, and empathetic
that we mistakenly assume that they can handle serious adult issues
when they really cannot.
There are times in a solo parent’s life when he or she may find
it incredibly difficult to cope with all the demands of a household
composed of gifted people. Solo parents may consider solving this
problem by having a family psychologist, or therapist, in the same way
that they have a family physician—someone they can go to for regular
checkups or assistance if things seem not to be going well. This often
is recommended particularly for parents of highly gifted children, not
only because their intensity and sensitivity are so much greater than
even that of other gifted children, but also because these children tend
to be more uneven or varied in their development, and therefore even
more of a puzzle to those around them.
Although an initial comprehensive psychological assessment may
be expensive, solo parents may benefit not only from the specific rec-
ommendations they receive, but also because the assessment results
provide a baseline with which to gauge the severity of a problem. If
cost is a prohibitive factor, contact the psychology department of your
local university and ask if they offer a clinic in counseling psychol-
ogy or school psychology. Graduate students under the supervision of
an APA-licensed psychologist run these clinics that offer a complete
psychological assessment at greatly reduced rates. Many communities
offer mental health counseling services for free or on a sliding pay-
ment scale. School guidance counselors also are a wonderful (and often
underutilized) source of help to single-parent families and may provide
individual counseling sessions and group counseling for your children.
 The Tao of Solo Parenting Gifted Children 305

Many schools offer counseling and support groups for children of

single parents such as Banana Splits, a peer support-group program for
children of separated, divorcing, or divorced parents. The Banana Splits
program has been widely used in public elementary schools across the
United States for more than 14 years. The meetings are confidential and
use nationally recognized strategies with individual or group counsel-
ing available under the guidance of school counselors who are specially
trained to help solo parent families work through this difficult time.
Children meet in small, age-appropriate groups for support to learn that
they are not the only students going through separation. The Banana
Splits meetings provide a safe place where it is acceptable for children
to share their feelings honestly and talk about things that scare them.
Children read stories, do crafts, focus on positive healthy lifestyles, and
make new friends as they learn how to encourage and support each other.
Support and understanding for parents and students has been shown to
help the child maintain grades and lessen stress. Contact your child’s
school to see if they offer a Banana Splits program. If not, inquire of your
local church, synagogue, youth group, YWCA, extension service agency,
or other organizations. Solo parenting strategies useful after separation
and divorce also are available from the local library, bookstores, the
Internet, and from your child’s school counselor.
Our children need us now but they won’t be under our wing forever.
The best advice I can offer is to give up the “Super Parent Syndrome”
and take care of yourself so that you can be there to take care of your
gifted children. Develop an attitude of gratitude by realizing adversity
can be a blessing in disguise. Difficult situations bring out the best in
all of us. Look at your solo parent status as an opportunity to become
a better parent by discovering ways to transform and reinvent new
strengths and abilities you never knew you had. Don’t underestimate
your gifted child’s capacity for strength, resilience, and compassion.
Celebrate your children’s gifts, talents, and leadership abilities. Give
them a chance to show how understanding, resourceful, and responsible
they can be. Cherish them, respect their uniqueness, and respect their
dreams. This is the Tao of all parenting, solo or otherwise.
306 parenting gifted children

Resources

Books and Articles

Csikszentmihalyi, M., Rathunde, K., & Whalen, S. (1997). Talented teenagers:

The roots of success and failure. New York, NY: Cambridge University Press.
DeFrain, J., & Eirick, R. (1981). Coping as divorced single parents: A com-
parative study of fathers and mothers. Family Relations, 30, 265–274.
Marston, S. (1994). The divorced parent: Success strategies for raising your children
after separation. New York, NY: William Morrow & Company.
Neihart, M. (2002). Risk and resilience in gifted children: A conceptual
framework. In M. Neihart, S. Reis, N. M. Robinson, & S. M. Moon
(Eds.), The social and emotional development of gifted children (pp. 113–124).
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Tolan, S. S. (1982). An open letter to parents, teachers and others: From
parents of an exceptionally gifted child. In J. T. Webb, E. A. Meckstroth,
& S. S. Tolan (Eds.). Guiding the gifted child (pp. 221–241). Scottsdale,
AZ: Great Potential Press.

Websites

Davidson Institute for Talent Development—http://www.davidsongifted.org

Gifted Children Monthly—http://www.gifted-children.com
GT World—http://www.gtworld.org
The Hollingworth Center for Highly Gifted Children—http://www.hollingworth.
org
TAG Families of Talented & Gifted—http://www.tagfam.org
Shelia Ellison’s Complete Mom—http://www.CompleteMom.com
Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG)—http://www.sengifted.org

Reference

Goertzel, V., & Goertzel, M. G. (2004). Cradles of eminence (2nd ed.).

Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
 Chapter 31
The Role of Physicians in the
Lives of Gifted Children
by Edward R. Amend and Richard M. Clouse

F
our-year-old Joey enters the pediatrician’s office. His eyes dart from
the toys to the interesting people shuffling papers behind glass windows.
He surveys the scene with great intent. Once inside the exam room, he
immediately begins climbing on the exam table to get a better look at
the items on a nearby shelf. He is fascinated by the instruments, which look
somewhat like those from his toy doctor’s kit at home. Much to his mother’s
chagrin, he is reaching for something when the physician enters. Joey is active
and verbal during the exam, with questions about many different topics. The
mother describes concerns about Joey’s activity level in preschool. She explains
how concerned the teachers are and how tiring all of Joey’s questions can be.
How will Joey’s pediatrician respond? Will she relate the behavior to the
curiosity of a gifted child, to normal development, or to some type of pathol-
ogy such as Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)? These are
interesting questions, with answers determined by a number of factors—such
as the comfort of the parent in describing behaviors, the physician’s knowledge
of giftedness, and her willingness to accept its implications.

This vignette highlights the important role a child’s primary care
physician can play early in the life of a gifted child and how this differs
from what medical healthcare professionals may provide for other fami-
lies. In today’s healthcare arena, medical professionals are the first line
of treatment and the gatekeepers for more specialized services. A child’s
primary care physician, typically a pediatrician or family practitioner,

307
308 parenting gifted children

serves in that capacity. Creating a positive, proactive relationship with

your child’s physician can increase the chances that he or she will listen
to your concerns about precocious development. Clear communication
is needed to foster a relationship that involves prevention with a focus
on overall health and well-being—not just visits when illnesses arise.
Additionally, a physician’s awareness of giftedness and its implications
is needed so that more physicians can recognize the need for specialized
services for gifted children.
For simplicity and clarity, we use the term physician in this article to
indicate your child’s primary care physician, regardless of whether that
is a pediatrician or family practice physician. We discuss several issues
related to the role of physicians, including what information a physician
might need to know, why it is important for them to understand both
your child and giftedness, how to discuss these issues, and finally what
roles physicians can play outside of the typical medical domain.

Relationships Start Early

Typically, physicians The Family Practitioner

begin relationships with you
and your child very early in It is important to note that most physicians follow
your child’s life, years before the medical model, a problem-centered process
he or she enters school and that is geared toward prevention, recognition,
and treatment of disease. The family practitioner’s
long before giftedness is even
philosophy differs slightly from other physicians
discussed as a possibility. As a because family practitioners are trained to see
result, your child’s physician the whole family from grandfather to baby sister
is in a good position to rec- and to be both the patient’s advocate and the
ognize early behaviors asso- parent’s advocate. Many family practitioners
ciated with giftedness and to see their job as involving several facets: seeking
the cause of the complaint rather than simply
recommend appropriate posi-
treating the symptom, working to keep people
tive interventions. off unnecessary medications, ensuring accurate
An informed physician diagnosis by qualisted practitioners, and not
can be a source of reassurance, perpetuating a condition by simply continuing
a positive support for gifted treatment. Family practitioners are trained to
children, and an ally for par- explore the impact of the problem on the family
and relationships.
 The Role of Physicians in the Lives of Gifted Children 309

ents. He or she is in a unique position of seeing whether your child is

developing appropriately, lagging behind, or exceeding typical develop-
mental expectations from an early age. The physician’s objective, though
limited, view of your child is based on observations and developmental
norms, allowing him or her to recognize the possibility of giftedness in a
child. Although giftedness does not define a child, it directly impacts social,
educational, and emotional aspects throughout one’s life, and early recogni-
tion of the signs of giftedness by a physician can validate a parent’s view.
Of course, physicians will have limited time with you and your
child, and you should not expect them to recognize giftedness per
se. But, you can expect them to spend extra time when you bring up
advanced development. Alert him or her to developmental milestones
that your child seems to be reaching earlier than same-age peers so
that an informed physician can recognize the possibility that giftedness
exists and play a role providing support and guidance. Your questions
and clearly communicated information are crucial to the physician’s
understanding of your child throughout the formative years. This is
useful because, with giftedness, like many conditions, early recognition
and intervention can be particularly helpful to later adjustment. This
cannot happen without knowledge about giftedness and its implications.

The Importance of Understanding

Unfortunately, physicians receive little, if any, training on the needs

of gifted children and may need direction and assistance in order to
understand the complexity of the situation. They may need information
about the manifestations and needs of gifted children, and you—the
parent of a gifted child—are often in the best position to provide that
information. Physicians often fall prey to the same myths about gifted
children that others do because they receive virtually no training about
the needs of gifted and talented children and adolescents. Prevalent
myths include: gifted children are well-organized, become gifted
because their parents push them, show advanced emotional maturity,
and seldom have emotional or interpersonal issues. Inaccurate informa-
tion about gifted children may lead physicians to overlook potential
310 parenting gifted children

or ongoing problems in a gifted child. They may believe that gifted

children don’t have any problems, or perhaps think that “everybody’s
gifted,” so gifted children have no special needs.
The prevalence of myths can cause further damage by preventing
parents from seeking necessary resources or even discussing poten-
tial problems with the physician. Many parents start to get “gun shy”
because of the negative reactions they have received from other parents
or physicians in the past. They may censor what they say to whom,
including physicians. When you talk about your gifted child to people
who believe the prevalent myths, they may think you are exaggerating
or bragging. But, if you don’t share information because you are unsure
how a physician will react or fear a negative reaction, the physician will
not have the opportunity even to recognize that giftedness is a possible
factor affecting your child. Misinformation, myths, and subsequent
censoring by parents are the first barriers to understanding and perhaps
also barriers to appropriate resources or services.

Sharing Information About Giftedness With Physicians

Before physicians can assume the pivotal roles of supporting and

advocating for your gifted child (and others), they must have a basic
understanding of giftedness and its implications. But, how are they to
get this information?
You must first avoid the tendency to censor information and then
recognize that physicians are busy professionals. Handing them a book
and saying, “Why don’t you take a look at this?” is probably not the best
strategy. Perhaps you can open the door to gifted issues by asking your
physician for permission to include brochures for gifted associations
among the pamphlets in the waiting room. Next, provide small bits of
information, perhaps one or two pages with some sections highlighted,
to the physician. Highlight the important pieces and supplement writ-
ten information with comments during the brief office visit. Sending
information in advance of the office visit is another good strategy. A
small dose of information is the best way to start to educate your physi-
cian because office visit time will always be at a premium.
 The Role of Physicians in the Lives of Gifted Children 311

Also, be aware that physicians are likely to view information from

peer-reviewed journals as more valid and appropriate than something
printed off the Internet. It is not that Internet information may not
be accurate—it may be both quite accurate and very appropriate—but
physicians understandably trust peer-reviewed information without
having to check its origin as they might information from other sources.
A good starting point is “Discovering Gifted Children in Pediatric
Practice” in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics (see
the Resources section of this chapter). Concise fact sheets from well-
known organizations, such as the National Association for Gifted
Children (NAGC) or Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted
(SENG), might be useful supplements to journal articles.
Your physician’s openness to the topics of giftedness and advanced
development will allow you to be more comfortable in describing the
behaviors of your child. You also need to do your homework when
selecting a physician and do some research about area physicians to find
someone with whom you are comfortable so that you can talk about
intense and personal matters. While you can certainly give information
to physicians, your child can provide perspective as well. Too often,
parents and professionals alike discount the valuable perspective of the
child. Gifted children often are able to verbalize feelings and situations
at an early age when offered a compassionate ear.

Raising Related Concerns With Physicians

Frequently, physicians hear complaints from parents or teachers

about behavioral problems. The physician’s first responsibility is to
determine whether there are medical causes for these behavioral prob-
lems, and later to explore behavioral or school causes. The pervasiveness
of the problem can shed light on possible causes, and it is important to
let your child’s physician know about frequency, intensity, and duration
of the problems. For example, if the problem happens only in one area
during the day, the problem is less likely a medical issue.
Always inform physicians of physical symptoms or complaints that
could be linked to school problems related to a child’s giftedness. If
312 parenting gifted children

your physician is aware of gifted issues, he or she will be better able

to avoid misdiagnosis (or missed diagnosis) and take the next step
toward advocacy once medical reasons are ruled out. A wide variety of
physical complaints, including depressed mood, irritability, attention or
behavioral problems, social isolation or withdrawal, sleep disturbances,
changes in appetite, and headaches, all can have organic origins; how-
ever, these same symptoms also are seen with gifted students placed in
a misaligned or unsupportive school environment.
Inform the physician of issues with school avoidance or behavior
problems in the school setting, which can be indicators of larger prob-
lems. Frequent physical complaints or complaints about school can lead
the physician to explore the nature of the problem. In some cases, after
the initial assessment, your child’s physician may refer your child to
a child psychologist or psychiatrist for in-depth testing and diagnosis
that may be outside of the scope of the physician’s expertise. If medi-
cation is indicated, you and your child may return to the physician for
management as well as regular care.
Any of these problems—school avoidance, behavioral issues, and
complaints about school—can indicate bigger problems. Raising the
physician’s awareness when you as a parent first begin to see those
physical complaints in your child can be helpful. For example, when
the physician is aware that Susie has had stomachaches every morning
going to school for the past few weeks, he or she can take a look beyond
simply treating the symptoms with medication. When giftedness is
contributing to the school problems, appropriate intervention cannot
happen without knowledge about giftedness and its implications.

Roles for Physicians

With good parent-physician communication, your physician will

begin to understand giftedness, and the developing doctor-patient
relationship will ultimately allow the physician to play several differ-
ent roles in the life of your gifted child. The physician can not only
help you maintain your child’s good physical health and mental health
and diagnose and treat ailments, but also help advocate for appropri-
 The Role of Physicians in the Lives of Gifted Children 313

ate gifted services in the school setting. The physician can provide
support and guidance to you and other parents, who also may have
limited understanding of the implications of giftedness in one’s life.
Practitioners need not be experts in gifted education to be effective, as
long as they can provide appropriate referrals to resources. Physicians
with general knowledge of the characteristics of gifted children can lead
parents to books and Internet resources regarding gifted children. With
beginning knowledge and a starting point, parents can then explore
whether formal testing and identification, counseling, or other services
are needed. Obviously, if you are reading this, you have already located
some appropriate resources, and educating your child’s physician about
those resources will allow him or her to help other parents.
Let’s return to the opening vignette for a moment; several variations
of it may occur. A parent may say, “The teacher says my son or daughter
has ADHD because she acts up in English class every day.” Or, a new
patient enters saying, “Fred’s been on Ritalin and we are here for a refill.”
The physician responds, “How do you know he has ADHD?” The mother
replies, “Well, he was on medication before and the teacher still thinks
he needs it.” What will the response be? Will the physician inquire about
the child’s behavior in other classes and try to differentiate the true nature
of the problem or simply pull out the prescription pad?
These exchanges are not uncommon, and all require further inquiry
into the nature of the problem because there are problems with both
misdiagnosis and missed diagnosis of gifted children. These situations
require a physician to look at the disease state, the problem, and not just
the overt symptoms of the problem, which can represent a number of
things or mask other problems. Accurate diagnosis is needed because,
for example, many of the medications for ADHD will increase per-
formance even if a child does not have ADHD. Unfortunately, busy
physicians unfamiliar with gifted issues have a tendency to go the
quick and easy route of treating the overt behaviors. Because thorough
investigation often is needed, which is something most physicians are
not trained to do and do not have the time to do, providing appropriate
referrals is another important role for the physician.
Acting in an advocacy role, your child’s physician can interact with
educators and other health professionals, which may be necessary to
314 parenting gifted children

obtain appropriate educational or professional services. Educators and

school administrators respect the physician’s voice, and it is not unusual
for a physician to advocate for
school modifications for children
with medical issues—such as Expanding Understanding
ADHD, asthma, or diabetes— in the Medical and
that may affect schoolwork. But, Counseling Communities
the situation often is quite differ-
Supporting Emotional Needs of the
ent for the gifted child because the Gifted (SENG; http://www.sengifted.org),
physicians often are not aware that a nonprostt organization, is working toward
giftedness has implications and increasing the understanding of giftedness
may create problems. They may among physicians and psychologists. SENG
not see advocacy for gifted ser- has become an American Psychological
Association-approved provider of continuing
vices as part of their role.
education courses for psychologists, has
Awareness and recognition of created a Professional Advisory Committee
gifted behaviors and needs is nec- of nationally recognized physicians and
essary so that physicians may assist psychologists to educate different medical
you in advocating for appropriate and mental health professionals, and has
gifted services. partnered with the National Association for
Gifted Children to develop a basic “fact
Supportive physicians can
sheet” about high-ability children to be used
help you feel more secure in your in physicians’ waiting rooms.
interaction with the teachers and SENG recognizes that it must connect
administrators on your child’s with physicians in the steld and must reach
behalf. Part of the physician’s role out to do so. Because of the demands of
as patient advocate involves devel- their practice and the myths about gifted
children—physicians simply are unaware of
oping a rapport with the family so
the implications of giftedness. The SENG
that you feel comfortable enough Professional Advisory Committee is now
to challenge the school’s inter- working on ways to reach the American
pretation when necessary. The Medical Association and American
physician can help you negotiate Association of Family Physicians to share
appropriate gifted services for your information. They are searching for ways to
get younger doctors and residents educated
child within the school setting,
at the very beginning of their training. Just
addressing the school’s concerns as we seek to educate teachers when
in a nonthreatening way while they are in training, we must also seek to
advocating for the child’s needs educate physicians early in their training.
to obtain appropriate resources. Parents can assist in the education process
by supporting SENG and educating their
child’s physician a little bit at a time.
 The Role of Physicians in the Lives of Gifted Children 315

Gifted children are not immune to medical or psychological dis-

orders; they can suffer from difficulties at about the same rate as the
general population. However, that doesn’t mean their giftedness should
be ignored in the process of evaluation or treatment. Medications clearly
have their benefits and can help many people, but they are not the
only answer. Sometimes medications are needed, and incorporating
giftedness into your child’s treatment may prove useful. For example,
gifted people may react differently to some medications than the typical
population, and some conditions, such as allergies, are more prevalent
among the gifted. These factors can have implications for treatment.
With gifted children, as with all children, it is important to be
accurate in both diagnosis and treatment. In the process of evaluation,
especially in adolescents and younger children, it is possible to unmask
other issues such as depression. For example, many ADHD patients also
are treated for depression, and many gifted individuals also have issues
with depression, perfectionism, and/or anxiety. Gifted children do not
have more psychological issues than other children, but they may have
more issues in expressing their giftedness and face risks because of their
giftedness. When your child’s physician is open to giftedness and issues
related to alternate diagnoses, he or she may be more likely to identify
the underlying problem(s), revealing alternate interventions.

Resources

Lui, Y. H., Lien, J., Kafka, T., & Stein, M. T. (2005). Discovering gifted
children in pediatric practice. Journal of Developmental and Behavioral
Pediatrics, 26, 366–369.
Neihart, M., Reis, S. M., Robinson, N. M., & Moon, S. M. (Eds.). (2002).
The social and emotional development of gifted children: What do we know?
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Webb, J. T., Amend, E. R., Webb, N. E., Goerss, J., Beljan, P., & Olenchak,
F. R. (2005). Misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children and adults:
ADHD, bipolar, OCD, Asperger’s, depression, and other disorders. Scottsdale,
AZ: Great Potential Press.
Webb, J. T., Gore, J. L., Amend, E. R., & DeVries, A. R. (2007). A parent’s
guide to gifted children. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
 Chapter 32
Productive Parent Teacher
Conferences
by Arlene R. DeVries

F
all is in the air. Students are established at school and the memo
comes home regarding parent-teacher conferences. Of course
we will attend to support our children in their education. What
a disappointment when during our brief conference the teacher,
with great enthusiasm may tell us only, “Your child is doing fine.” Or,
after checking the grade book to determine which one is your child, he
proudly recites the letter grades the student is receiving. But . . . what
I want to know is, “What about the ‘well-being’ of my child? I know
what letter grades he or she brings home!”
In reality, school and home share common goals for the child’s
social and academic growth but from different vantage points. No
teacher or parent wakes up in the morning saying to himself, “How
can I make that child as miserable as possible today?” Teachers bring
expertise in content areas, curriculum planning, classroom organization,
and student motivation. Parents have unique insights into the child’s
needs, aspirations, interests, and aptitudes. The challenge is discovering
the best way to communicate and cooperatively implement appropriate
interactions with the child.
Educators say what they want from parents is:
•â•¢ to be appreciated,
•â•¢ to be respected,
•â•¢ to be trusted,
•â•¢ to be given consideration,

316
 Productive Parent Teacher Conferences 317

•â•¢ to be understood, and

•â•¢ to hear positives.

This list mirrors what parents say they expect from educators! Wise
teachers and savvy parents will remember these guidelines when meet-
ing in conferences to share ideas and concerns about the gifted child.
The first step for parents is to be prepared when they come to parent-
teacher conferences.

Be Informed

1. Know School Policies

Begin by gathering information about the district’s mission state-

ment and the board of education’s priorities for school improvement by
attending local school board meetings, parent advisory committees, and
advocacy groups for parents of gifted and talented students. Does the
mission statement mention educating students to the full extent of their
abilities, aptitudes, capabilities, and interests? Does it include meeting the
needs of each student? Are there provisions for parent and community
involvement? Discover which staff persons in your district and in your
school are responsible for gifted education. Become familiar with educa-
tional vocabulary in order to talk professionally with school personnel.

2. Know State and Local Guidelines for Gifted Programs

How does a parent acquire this information? One person in each

state department of education has been given the responsibility for
gifted and talented education. Contact that individual for informa-
tion regarding state guidelines, local GT personnel, and notices about
upcoming conferences. Discover in which areas of giftedness (e.g.,
academic aptitude, visual arts, performing arts, leadership, creativity)
students are identified and served. Research the program components
in your district. Are there compacted or modified assignments, grade
or subject acceleration, classroom enrichment, community experiences,
318 parenting gifted children

Advanced Placement or honors classes, early graduation, postsecondary

enrollment, independent study, or mentorships? Read books and profes-
sional magazines, attend conferences, and talk to parents in your district
and in neighboring districts. Those parents who have children several
grades ahead of yours can share a wealth of information regarding what
worked and what didn’t work for them in the educational system.

3. Know Your Child

Most importantly, you must know yourself and your child. What
personality traits do you share with your child? Perhaps it’s intensity,
perseverance, motivation, emotional involvement, acute sensitivity, a
high energy level, creativity and imagination, perfectionism, keen pow-
ers of observation, or being highly verbal. Don’t be surprised if a teacher
points out one of these traits in your child. Though all can be highly
desirable as adults, often they are seen as negatives in a classroom.
Could any of them be a negative for you at a parent-teacher confer-
ence? Make them work for you in a meeting with school personnel, or
take someone with you who can balance your emotional involvement
or verbosity.
It is important to be comfortable with your child’s giftedness and
with the label “gifted.” Seek to understand the strengths and weak-
nesses, both academically and socially, that your child displays at school.
Prior to the conference, talk to your child about his or her concerns
and frustrations with school, as well as the tasks he or she especially
enjoys or completes with ease. Be prepared to share any special situ-
ations or needs at home such as illness, death, divorce, remarriage, or
job change that may have an impact on the child’s school performance.
It is helpful to share some of your child’s interests and talents displayed
outside the classroom. For example:
•â•¢ the child’s reading interests,
•â•¢ hobbies and collections,
•â•¢ special talents or skills,
•â•¢ the family and child’s recreation choices,
•â•¢ participation in clubs or groups,
•â•¢ private lessons taken by the child,
 Productive Parent Teacher Conferences 319

•â•¢ trips the child has taken, and

•â•¢ the child’s home responsibilities.

Identifying specific examples of the child’s work, feelings, and
behaviors enhances the possibility of a productive conference.

Use Positive Communication Techniques

Because a teacher’s time is limited, arrive and depart promptly at

your scheduled time. Enter confidently and positively, shaking hands
with the teacher and giving your name and your child’s name. The
conference is enhanced when both parents are able to attend. Single
parents might ask a relative, friend, or someone who shares responsibil-
ity for the child to accompany them. When possible, arrange to sit in
an “adult” chair at eye level with the teacher.
As the teacher begins the conference, listen actively. Be calm,
diplomatic, and tactful. Show with your body language that you are
interested in what the teacher has to say. If you feel you are leaving
conferences with only “surface” information such as test scores and
attendance records, you might consider asking some of the following
questions used by other parents of gifted students.
1. Does my child seem happy at school? What are his or her
special interests and strengths?
2. How does my child interact with others: age-level peers, older
children, younger children, adults? Is he or she perceived as a
“know-it-all” and made fun of, or do other students seek him
or her out?
3. Does the academic work seem challenging or does he or she
complete it with little effort?
4. What provisions are made for students to learn at their own
pace? Are assignments being altered to accommodate their
abilities and interests?
5. If my child participates in special gifted and talented experi-
ences, is he or she expected to make up the regular classroom
work?
320 parenting gifted children

6. How does he or she feel about trying new things or making

mistakes?
7. What opportunities does my child have for critical and creative
thinking and for problem solving? How does he or she respond?
8. In what ways does my child show the ability to work inde-
pendently, accept leadership roles, assume responsibility, and
exhibit intellectual curiosity?
9. What can I do to help my child develop his or her talents?
10. What appropriate afterschool or summer enrichment oppor-
tunities are available for my child?

Find ways to show appreciation for the positives that happen in
the classroom. Avoid words that might negatively impact the teacher,
such as “bored” and “brilliant.” Instead, use language such as, “My
child seems to learn differently,” or “my child needs less time and fewer
repetitions to master the content.” Generalizations such as “always” and
“never” can be replaced with specific examples of behavioral or academic
concerns. Express a willingness to help solve problems. The emphasis
is on what we can do together, not “What are you going to do?”
If you do not understand or agree with the teacher’s suggestions,
reflect on the possibilities and follow up later. Perhaps after giving
some thought to the idea or trying it at home, it may have value. On
other occasions, you might honestly respond, based on the knowledge
of your child’s abilities and temperament, that there might be a better
way to proceed.
When making curriculum suggestions for your gifted child, be
specific about a strategy that fits your child’s needs and one that has
been recognized in quality gifted programs. Show how it reflects the
district’s goals or policies and how you could help at home to make it
successful. It is important that these suggestions be made first with the
child’s classroom teacher. Only when you have been unable to reach a
mutual decision after several honest, professional attempts, should you
take the issue to the principal or gifted education supervisor. Educators
appreciate parents respecting the chain of command. A parent who
takes the issue first to the superintendent or the school board will find
difficulty later in gaining cooperation from the classroom teacher.
 Productive Parent Teacher Conferences 321

Successful conferences are based on:

•â•¢ honesty,
•â•¢ compliments,
•â•¢ fact finding,
•â•¢ compromise,
•â•¢ expressions of confidence, and
•â•¢ shared information that makes the other person’s job easier!

Unsuccessful tactics include:
•â•¢ blaming,
•â•¢ defensiveness,
•â•¢ unsubstantiated claims,
•â•¢ demands,
•â•¢ threats,
•â•¢ yelling, and
•â•¢ telling professionals what they should do!

Teachers appreciate follow-up notes thanking them for their time
and interest in your student. School communication is an ongoing
process. It might be accomplished by e-mail, phone, written notes,
formal letters, or face-to-face conversations. The more insights you
and the teacher have about each other and your child, the greater the
chances for educational growth. Children feel secure knowing the
most important people in their lives are cooperating and consistent in
supporting their educational experiences.
Be prepared! Know the possibilities and policies in your school
district. Know yourself and your child. Your interest and involvement in
your children’s education send a powerful message that you care about
them. Parent-teacher conferences can be a new and exciting growth
opportunity for you and your child.
 Part VI
Advocacy
by Tracy Ford Inman

C
hances are that if you’re reading this book, you’re already an
advocate—whether you realize it or not. You’re trying to find
out as much information as possible in order to help your child.
Passionate about your child’s learning, you want to ensure that
needs are met and that challenge is provided. You speak out on behalf
of your child, understanding that the more information you have, the
stronger your message will be—and the greater that message impacts
the classroom, the school, the district, and beyond. You are an advocate.
The chapters in this section should help you become a better advo-
cate. Filled with practical strategies, robust resources, and rich insight,
each explores a different aspect of advocacy. You’ve come to this section
with varying stages of advocacy background from the novice to the
experienced. You’ve also come from different advocacy arenas, whether
that be your child’s classroom or your state capitol. Therefore, the chap-
ters address advocacy on multiple levels: self, school, district, state, and
national. They each encourage you to make a lasting difference in the
lives of children who are gifted and talented—and they guide you in
doing just that.

323
324 parenting gifted children

Part of our “Effective Advocates” column in Parenting for High

Potential, the piece by Julia Roberts and me emphasizes the critical
importance of being a lifelong advocate. Too often parents begin their
advocacy journey when their children first experience difficulty in grade
school. These advocates mature and grow as their child travels through
school; by the time they’re wise and seasoned, their child graduates—
and their advocacy is packed away with the cap and gown. This chapter
explores the whys and hows of lifelong advocacy, encouraging you to
continue to speak out on behalf of gifted children your entire life.
What happens when our individual advocacy efforts meet a dead
end? According to Rich Weinfeld, Michelle Davis, Jeanne Paynter, and
Sue Jeweler, perhaps it’s time to hire a professional advocate, some-
one who can assess the problem accurately and then generate myriad
possible solutions working with both parents and school personnel.
The authors provide great insight into deciding when a professional is
needed, the characteristics to look for when hiring a professional, and
strategies in working with professional advocates.
Through a creative and appropriate metaphor of dance, Diana
Reeves leads you through all the steps of learning to be an advocate at
the district level. Finding partners, learning the steps, experimenting
with new formations—these all help readers realize that “advocating,
like square dancing, is not a spectator sport” (p. 340). Filled with real-life
vignettes to illustrate major points, Joan Smutny gives practical sug-
gestions and how-to lists designed to maximize parent advocacy efforts
in “Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education.” Including questions
to ask potential parent groups and tips for talking with legislators, the
information encourages you to move beyond your child’s individual
classroom by joining other parents to impact gifted education on the
district, state, and national levels.
The last two chapters span a wide range of ideas—from teaching
teens to advocate for themselves to teaching others to advocate through
examples. Deborah Douglas describes steps gifted adolescents can take
to become their own advocates so that they “recognize and address the
needs specific to their own learning abilities, without compromising
their dignity or that of others” (p. 360). A powerful message in inde-
pendence and responsibility, “Four Simple Steps to Self-Advocacy”
 Advocacy 325

illustrates each step and also includes ideas for what parents can do to
help. In order to share lessons learned from others, Ann Robinson and
Sidney Moon asked advocacy groups across the nation to send in suc-
cess stories. An examination of the 61 responses and 6 follow-up case
studies yielded important lessons for the parent advocate. These les-
sons focus on Policies (successful advocacy depends on knowledgeable
people), Champions and Leaders (knowledgeable, motivated people
make a difference), and Advocacy Tools and Strategies (planning, col-
laboration, and communication are key).
As you think about the chapters, use Rolfe, Freshwater, and Jasper’s
Framework for Reflection (2001) that consists of three basic questions.
The first is “What?” What are the main messages of each chapter? What
important points are made? Reflect on these ideas. The second ques-
tion is “So what?” How does this message apply to you? Your child?
Your child’s school or district? Your state? Make connections. The last
question is “Now what?” Here you need to consider your next step:
What can you implement or what tangible impact will the chapters
have on your advocacy efforts? Plan and strategize. Be specific in your
goal setting and include timelines for meeting those goals.
You can fight the same battles each new school year with your
child’s teacher, winning some and losing some. Or you can be proactive
by approaching advocacy on a larger scale, helping the school be more
responsive to the needs of all children including those who are gifted
and talented. Better yet, work at the district level so that far-reaching
policies and procedures are gifted-friendly and not barriers to high-
level learning. Better still, advocate on the state level by supporting
laws, regulations, and statutes that take the ceiling off of learning and
that mandate identification of and appropriate servicing of children
who are gifted and talented. And, of course, your advocacy efforts are
desperately needed on the national level as we strive to incorporate rigor
and challenge in order to remain globally competitive. These chapters
provide you with tools, strategies, ideas, and perspectives that should
guide you in these endeavors. How you use them is up to you.
Realize that your child is one of the lucky ones. She has someone
looking out for her best interests. He has someone willing to intervene,
willing to question policy, and willing to expedite change. But realize,
326 parenting gifted children

too, that for every child like yours, there are 20 other children who
have the same needs but no advocate. Your responsibility actually goes
far beyond your own child.
Before you dive into the reading, take a moment to reflect on this
message created by a powerful education advocacy group:

1 parent = A fruitcake
2 parents = A fruitcake and a friend
3 parents = Troublemakers
5 parents = “Let’s have a meeting”
10 parents = “We’d better listen”
25 parents = “Our dear friends”
50 parents = A powerful organization

(Henderson, Jacob, Kernan-Schloss, & Raimondo, 2004, p. 38)

None of us wants to be a fruitcake. We all want to make lasting
differences for these children, and numbers are indeed important in
advocacy. Hopefully this section will inform, inspire, and motivate. So
read, reflect, join others, and act.

Reference

Henderson, A., Jacob, B., Kernan-Schloss, A., & Raimondo, B. (2004).

The case for parent leadership. Lexington, KY: Pritchard Committee for
Academic Excellence and KSA Communications. Retrieved from http://
www.prichardcommittee.org/Portals/1059/CPL/Case_Final.pdf
Rolfe, G., Freshwater, D., & Jasper, M. (2001). Critical reflection in nursing
and the helping professions: A user’s guide. Basingstoke, England: Palgrave
Macmillan.
 Chapter 33
Effective Advocates,
Lifelong Advocacy:
If Not You, Then Who?
by Julia Link Roberts and Tracy Ford Inman

A
n effective advocate doesn’t just materialize out of nowhere.
Rather, becoming an advocate is more of an evolution; you
begin with concerns about your own child’s learning. From
there, you find kindred spirits who share those concerns.
Together you craft a message that is communicated in a consistent,
rational manner to decision makers. This process takes months (and
often times years!) before change is effected. Unfortunately, though, too
many advocates see their child’s high school graduation as their gradu-
ation as well. Advocacy stops when college starts. The experienced,
effective advocate retires—and children suffer because of it. Young
people who are gifted and talented desperately need lifelong advocates
willing to speak out for their educational opportunities!
Retiring from advocacy hurts untold numbers of gifted children.
Being interested in gifted children for a year or two makes no sense, yet
that is the pattern that many advocates follow. They demonstrate inter-
est when their child is first identified for gifted services in elementary
school and then fade in their advocacy. Consider the following: If it is
important to have excellence in education today for your children, don’t
you want appropriate services to be in place for your grandchildren?
Thinking beyond the here and now stretches us; but, when we stretch
our thinking, we realize that what is important for our children is

327
328 parenting gifted children

important to our neighbors’ children and to children in our community,

as well as in our state and country. Looking beyond our own needs to
the greater good will serve us well today and in the future, especially
in the flattened world in which we live.
Numbers count in advocacy! Gifted children need as many spokes-
persons as possible. Because the percentage of children who are gifted
and talented is fairly small, it is important to retain advocates—espe-
cially experienced ones who have developed strong relationships with
decision makers. Gifted children need to have parents, grandparents,
educators, and interested citizens to speak out on their behalf. They
need adults to realize that the needs of gifted children are created by
their strengths, which often makes them look the opposite of “needy.”
However, their needs make them just as different from the average
child as the needs of children with severe disabilities. Both groups
need accommodations and services if they will have opportunities to
develop their full potentials. A single message relayed in many voices
has a much greater impact.
You will still be living and working in your community long after
your child has graduated. Having the most challenging educational
opportunities available for young people who are ready for advanced
learning is important for the economy of your community, state, and
nation. Lifelong advocates can ensure that those opportunities are
available. In a knowledge-based economy, it is the creative mind that
will fuel the economy through innovation and entrepreneurship. Gifted
children offer the possibility of becoming the entrepreneurs if provided
opportunities to gain the knowledge and skills to do so. Young people
who have laboratories and educational environments positively impact
their communities and their nation. With the emphasis in schools
today on reaching proficiency, the learning ceiling is far too low for
many gifted children. Certainly advocates recognize the need for young
people to have proficiency in literacy and mathematics; however, that
focus provides barriers to learning for children who are already at grade
level or above in these important content areas. Advocates must speak
out on behalf of continuous progress. Continuous progress for gifted
children parallels the continuous progress of our nation’s economy.
 Effective Advocates, Lifelong Advocacy 329

Becoming or staying internationally competitive means focusing

on appropriately challenging educational opportunities for America’s
youth. If being internationally competitive is important today, it will
remain so tomorrow, so being an advocate remains a high priority. The
U. S. Commission on National Security for the 21st Century says in its
report, Road Map for National Security: Imperative for Change (February
15, 2001):

Second only to a weapon of mass destruction detonating in an

American city, we can think of nothing more dangerous than
a failure to manage properly science, technology, and educa-
tion for the common good over the next quarter century . . .
The capacity of America’s educational system to create a 21st
century workforce second to none in the world is a national
security issue of the first order. As things stand, this country
is forfeiting that capacity.

The United States faces one of its greatest challenges as Asia (specifi-
cally, China and India) soars to economic and scientific heights. Both
Fishman’s China, Inc.: How the Rise of the Next Superpower Challenges
America and the World and Friedman’s The World is Flat point out numer-
ous ways that the United States is slipping academically, economically,
and technologically. In Rising Above the Gathering Storm: Energizing
and Employing America for a Brighter Economic Future, the National
Academies of Science argues:

This nation must prepare with great urgency to preserve its

strategic and economic security . . . the United States must
compete by optimizing its knowledge-based resources, par-
ticularly in science and technology, and by sustaining the most
fertile environment for new and revitalized industries and the
well-paying jobs they bring.

In a world that has been flattened by technology, remaining competi-

tive in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) is
330 parenting gifted children

critical. We can only be competitive when our gifted children have no

ceiling to their learning. Lifelong advocates can make that possible.
Still the most important reason to be a lifelong advocate for gifted
education is that children who are gifted and talented are happier,
more productive children when they are with intellectual peers and
when they have challenging academic tasks to do. What could be more
important than that?
The reasons for becoming a lifelong advocate are indeed numer-
ous—as are the ways to become one:
•â•¢ Belong to local, state, and national advocacy groups.
•â•¢ Question elected officials: What is your role in gifted edu-
cation? What does gifted education look like to you? What
information do you need to help you make an informed deci-
sion about gifted education?
•â•¢ Get to know legislators and their support staff.
•â•¢ Show appreciation for legislators’ support.
•â•¢ Tell the truth: Say you don’t know the answer when you don’t
(but find it out).
•â•¢ Stay in the loop: Keep updated on the subject; know what other
schools, districts, and states are doing; have copies of the law
and regulations.
•â•¢ Use real people to illustrate your points (cute kids make an
impression!).
•â•¢ Persevere, persevere, persevere.

Reconsider advocacy when your last child graduates from high
school. Don’t retire. Share your expertise in advocacy with those just
beginning their journey. The world will be a better place because of it.

Resources

Books

Fishman, T. C. (2005). China, Inc.: How the rise of the next superpower chal-
lenges America and the world. New York, NY: Scribner.
 Effective Advocates, Lifelong Advocacy 331

Friedman, T. L. (2005). The world is flat: A brief history of the twenty-first

century. New York, NY: Farrar, Strauss, & Giroux.

Website

Institute for Sustainable Communities, Advocacy and Leadership Center—http://

www.advocacy.org

References

Committee on Prospering in the Global Economy of the 21st Century. (2005).

Rising above the gathering storm: Energizing and employing America for a
brighter economic future. Washington, DC: National Academies Press.
Retrieved from http://www.nap.edu/catalog.php?record_id=11463
U. S. Commission on National Security for the 21st Century. (2001). Road
map for national security: Imperative for change. Wilkes-Barre, PA: Kallisti
Publishing.
 Chapter 34
A Break in Communication:
When an Advocate Is Needed
by Rich Weinfeld, Michelle Davis, Jeanne L. Paynter,
and Sue Jeweler

E
ach and every child is born with potential. The adults in that
child’s world must work to make certain that there are educa-
tional opportunities in place to ensure that potential is reached.
Every time an adult acts to support a child’s potential or speak on
his or her behalf, we are striving to act as an advocate. In some instances,
parents will use traditional venues, such as parent conferences, team
meetings, or other official school processes, to advocate for their child.
If, however, there is a breakdown in the process, parents may find
that they need to hone their own advocacy skills or hire a professional
advocate to help ensure that their child receives the necessary oppor-
tunities and services. Hiring a professional advocate who brings special
expertise to the process may allow parents the opportunity to better
participate as an equal partner in decision making for their children.
Advocates are more common in the field of special education where fed-
eral laws exist protecting children who receive special education services.
However, there are advocates that specialize in gifted education or work
with twiceâ•‚exceptional children. These advocates can be particularly suc-
cessful where there is state or district policy mandating gifted services.
As children progress in school, they give clues that indicate how
they are doing. They may let us know that the work is too hard, that
paying attention is difficult, that they can’t remember their math facts,
or that they have no friends. They also may let us know that school is

332
 When an Advocate Is Needed 333

boring and that they are not being appropriately challenged. When
parents or teachers become aware of a child’s obstacles to learning, then
together they can plan the appropriate interventions necessary in order
for a child to receive appropriately challenging instruction.

The Advantages of Having an Advocate

There are times when parents and school staff are not able, for a
variety of reasons, to effectively plan to meet the needs of an individual
child. Involving an advocate often can make the difference in ensuring
that the child gets appropriate instruction and services. An advocate
can provide an understanding of the language and processes between
parents and the school. An advocate’s expertise can include:
•â•¢ knowing and understanding children’s rights and school system
responsibilities under the laws and policies governing educat-
ing children;
•â•¢ making sure that the student has access to appropriately rigor-
ous instruction;
•â•¢ participating with teams to determine whether giftedness and/
or a learning disability exists, and creating a school plan;
•â•¢ recommending and monitoring the implementation of edu-
cational strategies based on the student’s strengths and need
areas;
•â•¢ navigating the school system procedures to secure school ser-
vices and placement for children with exceptional needs;
•â•¢ linking parents and teachers with a variety of community
resources such as mentorships for students who are gifted in
specific areas such as the arts or sciences; and
•â•¢ monitoring legal issues and providing intervention when rights
are violated to ensure that the child will receive the finest
educational experience possible.

Based upon their training and experience, advocates bring a high
degree of skill and knowledge to the entire process of helping students
reach their potential. An advocate also can help a school team to plan
334 parenting gifted children

proactively to ensure an individual student’s success before serious

problems arise.

Advocates Help Remove Barriers

Advocacy, when done appropriately, can be beneficial for any stu-

dent. It may be especially crucial in cases where the parents don’t feel
that they are an equal part of the process because of their own cultural,
language, or socioeconomic differences. In these cases, the advocate
can help the parents to understand the process and effectively express
their opinions, as well as ensure that parental input is treated with the
same importance afforded any other parent.
Advocates also can listen for other potential biases. Is the young girl
in question being excluded from opportunities just because of assump-
tions made about her based on gender? Are a young man’s educational
needs being met by research-supported practices? Many school per-
sonnel welcome the presence of an advocate at a school meeting. An
advocate can communicate the issues in ways that both the parents and
the school personnel are not able to do. For example, the advocate may
suggest solutions that school staff may not bring up due to budgetary
constraints or directives from supervisors. However, once the advocate’s
ideas are out on the table, school staff may feel free to support what
they believe is truly in the student’s best interest. The advocate also
may have a mediating effect on the parents.
Although an advocate attends the meeting at the parents’ request,
the advocate’s focus should be on the needs of the student. He or she
can get the meeting past difficult sticking points by being unbiased
and objective in order to move the team toward decisions that are in
the individual student’s best interests.

The Value of an Expert

Advocates must know how to work with schoolâ•‚aged children and

their families as they interact with the school system. Due to their
 When an Advocate Is Needed 335

special expertise related to a wide variety of gifted education and/or

special education issues, the advocate may become a valued expert who
provides information to school staff members and to parents. In order
to do all of this, the advocate must understand school law and district
policies, interpersonal dynamics, and one’s own self.
An effective advocate will perform a wide variety of tasks. These
tasks may be broadly categorized as gathering information about the
child, determining what action steps are necessary for achieving out-
comes that are in the child’s best interests, and participating in meet-
ings in varied settings to ensure that these action steps are accepted
and implemented.
In order to determine appropriate services, the advocate can:
•â•¢ assess the current classroom where the child is receiving
instruction and/or the classroom(s) that may be a future option
for the child’s placement;
•â•¢ observe classrooms to determine if they are a good match for
the strengths and needs of the child in question; and
•â•¢ analyze the current situation to see if it is a good match and
if not, if it could be a good match if some achievable changes
were made.

All the while, the advocate will be looking at any environment
through the lens of the individual child.

What Advocates Need to Know

Advocates must know the state law and/or district policies in order
to effectively represent the children they serve. Depending on the issues
that face the individual child, the advocate will refer to and use general
education laws and those specific to gifted and talented and/or special
education. These will vary from state to state and district to district as
there are no federal laws mandating and governing gifted and talented
education. Parents and educators who are able to understand the law
and regulations related to the education of children will be better able
to make requests, file complaints, or express concerns in a way that is
336 parenting gifted children

directly related to state law and school district policies. Advocates also
have a better understanding of the terminology used by school personnel
and how to assess gifted education classes and programs.

Preparing for the School Meeting

An important part of the advocate’s role is preparing for the

school meeting. He or she must know the child, the child’s family,
school program, and current concerns of the school staff and family,
and have a plan in mind for the types of requests to be made.
When an advocate helps a family to obtain appropriate services
for a child, he or she forms a special relationship with one or more of
the child’s parents. Although there are situations where it is the school
staff or a related service provider that first identifies the need for new
or different services, more often it is the child’s parents who bring this
issue to the attention of the school. Parents’ approach to advocating for
their child will depend on their view of the child’s strengths and needs,
the structure of the family system itself, the child’s educational history,
knowledge from experts outside of the school, and their own personal
schooling experiences. All of these issues will impact the parents’ point
of view and participation in the process of advocating for their child.
The advocate must understand the scope of services available for
the student in the local public school classroom, including special
classrooms or programs. He or she also must have knowledge of spe-
cial programming found in the local community and those resources
beyond the locale. A thorough and realistic understanding of what is
and isn’t possible for the child gives the advocate the knowledge that
is crucial in working toward achievable goals. For a successful meeting
experience, the advocate must:
•â•¢ understand and interpret group dynamics;
•â•¢ use effective techniques such as caucusing, successfully navi-
gate individual personalities, gauge alliances, and invite addi-
tional members to the process when necessary; and
•â•¢ integrate others’ perspectives about the child in relation to how
they work with the child.
 When an Advocate Is Needed 337

An effective advocate acknowledges others’ accomplishments; uses

techniques before, during, and after meetings to accomplish predeter-
mined goals; and adjusts his or her presentation to impact the dynamics
of school meetings.

Creating a Student Plan

Depending on the school district, some students may have an

Individual Education Plan (IEP), a 504 plan, a less formal type of
instructional plan, or no plan at all. These plans typically include data
documenting student strengths, which are matched with appropriate pro-
grams or services offered in the school (e.g., subject acceleration or par-
ticipation in enrichment activities such as Junior Great Books). Parents
and advocates are encouraged to find out the type of plans used for gifted
and talented students in their school districts and the state regulations
and/or district policies governing gifted and talented education.
In all cases, however, the plan for the individual student needs to
be crafted in a way that the program effect can be monitored. Effective
implementation of the plan must include knowledge of the present
levels of performance, which are specific and detail the child’s current
academic strengths and weaknesses. This information will be used as
the starting point for goal setting. The goals in the individual child’s
plan are written using specific condition statements that are measur-
able and observable, along with criteria to establish that the plan has
been successful.
The advocate must monitor the implementation of the instructional
plan. He or she will make sure that the decisions of the school team
are documented and that there is a plan for coming back to check for
progress and, if needed, to adjust the plan.

What If I Decide Not to Hire an Advocate?

Parents who choose to hire a professional advocate will want to

ensure that the advocate possesses all of the skills necessary to effectively
338 parenting gifted children

represent their child. Parents who will act as an advocate for their own
child must strive to find ways to develop their own skills or bring
other experts, like a psychiatrist,
speech therapist, or lawyer, who
can help them in specific areas Selecting an Advocate:
where they are less knowledge- Five Things to Look For
able or are unable to perform
1. Experience. Is the advocate an expert
the required task.
in educational issues and law? How
Parents also can organize many school meetings has the advocate
into groups to effectively advo- attended? How often has she achieved
cate for their children. Public the desired outcome for the student? How
advocacy groups take a sys- is her relationship with the school system,
temic and organized approach including gifted education personnel, special
education personnel, the compliance office,
to raising public awareness
and attorneys? Is she experienced with the
about the special needs of specific issue that you are currently facing?
exceptional children and work 2. Personality. Is the advocate’s personality
to enact policies and laws that and personal style a match with you (and
affect the quality and range of your spouse)?
programs and services avail- 3. Cost and Charges. Can you afford
it? (Think of the investment and whether
able for these children. Public
to spend money on tuition and additional
advocacy groups for children programming rather than advocacy services.)
with exceptional gifts and tal- Does the advocate work on any type of
ents and disabilities operate at reduced fee arrangement when there is a
national, state, and local lev- financial need?
els. Advocacy groups include 4. Style for Dispute. Does the advocate
approach the school system staff as
professional organizations and
adversarial or as potentially cooperative?
their state affiliates, as well What is his thinking behind the pros and
as local school system parent cons for dispute options? Does the advocate
advocacy groups. shy away from disputes or persist even in the
There are other oppor- face of challenging situations?
tunities outside of organized 5. Resources. Does the advocate have
knowledge of a network of experts in
groups to be involved in public
different fields? Does she have resources
advocacy. These include serv- related to the various areas of your concern,
ing on educational task forces, including how to address your child’s
commissions, and even the strengths and needs?
local school PTA. A venue that
 When an Advocate Is Needed 339

provides a public forum to discuss education is an opportunity to raise

awareness about the needs of exceptional children.
In conclusion, it is crucial that we advocate for what each and
every child needs in order to reach his or her own unique potential. An
effective advocate helps parents and school staff to accurately see the
problem and all of the possible solutions that may solve the problem
that the individual child is experiencing. Parents and school system
personnel have an opportunity to advocate for the children we serve
and to tap one another’s expertise as we work together. Knowledge
is power. When the partners in education are armed with accurate
information, positive outcomes will happen for children.

Resources

Weinfeld, R., & Davis, M. (2008). Special needs advocacy resource book: What
you can do now to advocate for your exceptional child’s education. Waco, TX:
Prufrock Press.
 Chapter 35
Dancing Toward District
Advocacy
by Diana Reeves

A
dvocating for change within your school district is much
like square dancing. People move in predictable ways,
responding to directions given by a caller with calls being
many and varied. Reacting quickly to calls keeps dancers on
their toes. As people connect through square dancing, they, too, can
connect through advocacy. Whether challenging or easy, advocacy and
square dancing are interactive, working to reduce differences.
Square dancing is useful to illustrate a few basic concepts about
working to promote change within a local education association. For
nearly 30 years, I have served as an information resource for the
Massachusetts affiliate association of NAGC working to promote
awareness and support for the needs of gifted and talented students.
As a parent, educator, department of education specialist, affiliate leader,
and now as a parent member on the NAGC board, I have witnessed,
as well as participated in, many advocacy dances.
Advocating, like square dancing, is not a spectator sport. Success
depends upon people cooperating with each other. Square dances begin
with a partner, use a repertoire of common steps, often result in new
formations, require frequent changes in direction, and always end
where they began. District-level advocacy is very similar, but, hope-
fully, participants find themselves with a new understanding of the
issues at hand.

340
 Dancing Toward District Advocacy 341

Deciding to Dance

The question I receive most frequently, from both parents and

teachers is, “What can I do for my gifted child (student)?” I try to assist
them in identifying at least one workable local strategy and recom-
mend that people at this stage acquaint themselves with the National
Association for Gifted Children (NAGC) Pre-K–Grade 12 Gifted
Program Standards (http://www.nagc.org). The standards should be
examined to identify ways in which their district’s services (there may
not yet be any specific gifted program) align with the suggested stan-
dards. When parents and teachers begin to understand local educational
options, they begin to grasp the difference between what is and what
could be. Just one teacher working with one set of parents can begin
the advocacy dance at the district level. At this point, the dancers
or advocates assemble. They are not always together, and sometimes
without a caller, but ready to move.

Finding Partners

Square dancing alone, advocating by yourself, is very difficult. As

teachers and parents, we strive to promote self-efficacy, yet political
realities dictate that those who might benefit from district change may
not be the only ones seeking change based on the same set of needs. The
power of one is important, but strength in numbers trumps. Any dis-
trict advocacy effort should begin with the formation of a group. Often
parents find each other through the shared needs or interests of their
children. Teachers can sometimes facilitate these matches, but rarely
participate openly in any group outside the school seeking to change
district policy. Other community groups, once informed of the need,
often are willing to help support options for high-ability students. For
them, it is important to make the connection between capable students
of today and participating citizens of tomorrow.
In response to multiple requests, the Massachusetts Association
for Gifted Education (MAGE) has sponsored Guided Discussion
Groups for Parents (built upon the SENG model) in selected regions
342 parenting gifted children

throughout the state. When parents share concerns about their gifted
children, this is the first step to discovering their common needs and
the potential benefits of advocating together. Play dates also can be
another venue where organization members and their children can
meet face-to-face and begin to exchange ideas.
Those seeking change already may be participants in existing groups
such as school improvement councils, parent/teacher organizations, or
advisory committees. Teachers can join colleagues to explore curricular
strategies for their capable learners as they seek to work with admin-
istrators to examine realistic educational options. Community efforts
also can begin with invitations to an open awareness meeting. Invitees
include parents, educators, administrators, and legislators. The bottom
line is, at this stage of the dance, all partners are welcome.

Learning the Steps

Once a core group of advocate partners has been identified, they

need to begin preparations for the dance. Just like square dancers, advo-
cates need to consult resources and work with experts to acquire needed
information. State-affiliate gifted organizations can play a leadership
role at this juncture. They are eager and willing to discuss strategies
as well as to pinpoint useful resources such as state and federal funds
available to districts for program planning and implementation.
Advocates need to agree on a focus, pool their shared knowledge,
gather data, and try to influence public opinion. District-level change
happens when people within the school system can agree that a need
exists. Getting to that place requires intricate footwork; your plan must
be both artful and efficient. Here is where it helps to have someone
calling the next steps.

Identifying and Listening to the Caller

When a square dancer and his or her partner join three other cou-
ples in dance, they are directed by the caller to move through a particu-
 Dancing Toward District Advocacy 343

lar series of steps. The order and complexity of the steps is determined
by the caller in response to the music and the dancers’ ability. Your
advocacy group caller will change over time as the tasks change and
as the music of your district situation dictates. The person putting the
group together calls the first agendas. This caller could be the direc-
tor of an already existing program, a school administrator, an outside
consultant, a parent, or a legislator. Advocacy group members usually
begin by sharing their objectives, until a consensus can be reached
concerning the goals of the group. Advocacy group callers facilitate
group cohesion and direction, by serving as liaisons to the school sys-
tem, planning meeting spaces and times, delegating tasks, bringing
in speakers, publishing the minutes of meetings, and creating a paper
trail necessary to document outcomes of conversations, expectations
for actions, follow-up assessments, and timelines to evaluate progress.
An assessment of local needs is usually the opening requirement.
If your group is able to work with an administrator within the system,
it will be easier to devise a systematic process for gathering informa-
tion and build upon the diagnosed needs of the students in the district.
Often, an outside expert can be hired to assist in creating surveys,
conducting interviews, and compiling evidence. The end result of a
needs assessment is the creation of a planning committee. When this
step is reached, the caller and calls may change. As each group member
prepares to swing his or her partner and move on to new dancers, the
dance becomes more intricate.

Experimenting With New Formations

During the programming planning phase, it is frequently useful

to alter or enhance the music and create new connections. The plan-
ning team should include representatives from all stakeholder groups.
The mission of the team is developing policies for identifying students,
creating or selecting curriculum and instruction options, delivering
professional development, and providing for program administration
and evaluation. As tempting as it may be to move forward quickly to
provide direct delivery of services to students, it is essential to spend
344 parenting gifted children

time to craft policies that will last long after the departure of those
who created them. The aim is to develop, implement, and support
policies based on research and best practices. The goal of advocating,
as in square dancing, is to foster the creation of something satisfying
with few unnecessary steps.
As your advocacy group seeks to disseminate information about the
planning process, it can be very helpful to spotlight needs by hosting or
helping to sponsor professional development opportunities for teachers
and counselors, outreach programs for parents, or enrichment sessions
for students. This part of the dance allows the advocates to experience
small successes, accomplish a tangible goal, and see that their efforts
can effect change. Here again, the idea is to move people to the point
where they are all aware of the same compelling tune.
This may be the moment to expand the dance. Other districts
in your state may be involved in parallel dance steps, with your state
department of education or state organizations calling the required
formations. What your district alone may not be able to sponsor or
attend might become possible when shared by other districts. MAGE
has partnered, with many districts, as well as higher education institu-
tions, to present conferences for both parents and teachers.
From the district advocacy standpoint, contributing to collabora-
tive events demonstrates a willingness to be part of the solution, rather
than just highlighting problems. Advocacy dancers can volunteer to
help. There are always envelopes to stuff, tables to man, and speakers
to introduce. Joining with your state organization will not only put
your district on the map but also will allow you to network with the
movers and shakers at the state level.
The information and ideas gained from state organizations can be
shared with your district and serve as an information conduit to key
decision makers. Advocates cannot mandate district change. Change
only can be encouraged and supported. Square dancing has little to do
with ability level but is dependent upon teamwork. In square dancing,
as in advocacy, it is important to dance with your partner and allow
others to dance alongside or with you.
 Dancing Toward District Advocacy 345

Changing Direction

When the district plan for implementation or modification is finally

completed, advocates need to work to foster acceptance of the pro-
posed changes. Just as in dancing, directional changes need to be made
smoothly. It is important for all of the dancers to understand that a
change is coming and to be prepared for the next call.
If a pilot program is proposed, or if only a few schools in the dis-
trict will be involved in an initial phase-in of services, careful thought
should be given to making the process as transparent and equitable
as possible. As the program begins to accomplish its goals, advocates
can celebrate successes and highlight innovations by contacting local
media sources, and by inviting local legislators to observe the program
in action. Advocacy dancers also may be able to financially support
professional development critical to teacher readiness for implement-
ing proposed changes.

Coming Back to the Starting Place

If you think back to your elementary gym class, you will probably
recall that all square dances end with the dancers returning to their
home positions. For example, on the final step in a Virginia reel, couples
are lined up facing each other. The head couple joins both hands across
and raises them to form an arch at the foot of the set. The second couple
joins inside hands and leads the other couples under the arch and
through the set to become the new head couple. This process is repeated
until all have had a turn at leadership, and everyone has returned to
their original positions. At that point the dance can begin anew.
Dancing toward district-level advocacy is much the same.
Advocates progress through carefully planned and executed steps to
encourage change. People take turns as leaders. As policies are devel-
oped, implemented, monitored, and evaluated, needs will be redefined
and adjustments to existing programs will be sought. Advocacy needs to
be ongoing. No one can learn the dance in a day, and dancing faster in
response to a crisis rarely works. Building support for gifted programs
346 parenting gifted children

and services, just like square dancing, can be rewarding, sometimes

frustrating, but always stimulating. And when you get the choice to
sit it out or dance, I hope you dance!

Resources

Books/Articles

American Association for School Administrators. (2007, February). Gifted

education left behind [Special issue]. The School Administrator, 64.
Retrieved from http://www.assa.org/publications/saissuedetail.cfm?Ite
mNumber=8202&snItemNumber=950&tnItemNumber=
Bruce Mitchell, P. (Ed.). (1981). An advocate’s guide to building support for
gifted and talented education. Alexandria, VA: National Association of
State Boards of Education. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service
No. ED233526)
Callahan, C. M. (Ed.). (2004). Program evaluation in gifted education: Essential
readings in gifted education. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Clinkenbeard, P. R., Kolloff, P. B., & Lord, W. E. (2007). A guide to state
policies in gifted education [CD]. Washington, DC: NAGC.
Colangelo, N., Assouline, S. G., & Gross, M. U. M. (2004). A nation
deceived: How schools hold back America’s brightest students (Vol. 1). Iowa
City: The University of Iowa, The Connie Belin & Jacqueline N. Blank
International Center for Gifted Education and Talent Development.
DeVries, A., & Webb, J. (2007). Gifted parent groups: The SENG model (2nd
ed.). Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Gonzales, J. (2000). Excellence through partnership: A handbook for parents of
gifted and talented children. Cherry Creek, CO: Cherry Creek Schools.
Jones, K. (2003, March). Home and school report: Be practical—effective
advocacy in small town America. Parenting for High Potential, 6–7, 23.
Purcell, J. H., & Eckert, R. D. (Eds.). (2006). Designing services and programs
for high-ability learners. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Roberts, J. L., & Inman, T. F. (2003, March). Building advocacy with a public
relations campaign. Parenting for High Potential, 24–27.
Roberts, J. L., & Inman, T. F. (2006, June). Effective advocates: Craft your
message. Parenting for High Potential, 24–25.
 Dancing Toward District Advocacy 347

Robinson, A., Shore, B. M., & Enersen, D. L. (Eds.). (2007). Best practices
in gifted education: An evidence-based guide. Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Rogers, K. (2002). Re-forming gifted education: How parents and teachers can
match the program to the child. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Smutny, J. F. (2003, March) Taking a larger stand for gifted education: Your
district, your state, and beyond! Parenting for High Potential, 18–22.

Websites

Advocacy Toolkit—http://www.nagc.org/index2.aspx?id=36
Description of Beyond Proficiency Summit—http://cfge.wm.edu/assets/systems_
newsletter/Syst-FALL05.pdf
Glossary of Square Dancing Terms—http://www.highmountainsquares.org/
Glossary.htm
Pre-K–Grade 12 Standards Introduction—http://www.nagc.org/index.
aspx?id=546
Take Five! Advocating for Gifted Programs in Local Schools—http: //www.nagc.
org/index2.aspx?id=697
 Chapter 36
Taking a Larger Stand for
Gifted Education: Your District,
Your State . . . and Beyond!
by Joan Franklin Smutny

M
any influential scholars and educators in the field of gifted
education today began their journey as parents confronted
with the reality and responsibility of raising a gifted child.
Other parents who have not entered the field professionally
have nevertheless had a profound influence on services for the gifted
through tireless advocacy and a commitment to communicate their
message to whoever will listen. It is fair to say that without the advo-
cacy of parents, gifted education would simply not be where it is today.
Many of the services and programs that exist in schools throughout
the United States owe their genesis to a small band of parents who
campaigned for gifted education.
This article takes the subject of parent advocacy beyond the ques-
tion, “What can I do for my gifted child?” to, “What can I do for the
cause of gifted education in my district or state now and in the future?”
You may be a frustrated parent who has explored every avenue you can
think of to get better educational services for your gifted child. Or,
you may be a parent who finally found a satisfactory solution for your
gifted child, but you object to the idea that parents have to campaign
to get any services for their gifted children. In either case, your concern
about your own child or about gifted children generally has led you to
a larger view of advocacy at the district, state, or even national levels.

348
 Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education 349

Work With Other Parents, Not in Isolation

If you don’t already belong to a parent group for families with gifted
children, consider finding or starting one. Even contact with one other
parent is better than working alone, as this mother discovered:

My fourthâ•‚grade son and I live in the city and, except for a

few gifted magnet schools, there is nothing. To get into these
schools, you have to do well on standardized tests and Javier’s
just never scored well enough. But he’s an “A” student and can
write like a poet. When I started talking to his teacher, he was
sympathetic to a point but said that there’s nothing he could
do. He said he didn’t know anything about gifted education,
and that the teachers in our district have a hard enough time
dealing with overcrowded classes and hardly any resources. I
kind of despaired for a while, but then I met another mother
who was at the school waiting for her son Jerry, a friend of
Javier and also gifted. We got together and contacted our state
gifted association who put us in touch with a professor who
specializes in gifted education. We’ve met with her once and
she gave us a whole packet of information—books we could
read, procedures for starting a parent group of our own, and
ideas about how we could present our case to the principal,
superintendent, etc. We have a long way to go but we feel at
least we have an advocate to help us and we don’t have to wait
until that magical day when we move to another district. We
can start working for changes right now.

Working together enables parents to pool ideas and resources, iden-

tify concerns, establish common goals, develop plans and strategies for
action, and share responsibilities.
Parent groups come in all forms. Some may have only a few parents
who unite to achieve specific goals (e.g., getting professional development
in gifted education for the teachers at their school; hiring a gifted educa-
tion coordinator; lowering the age for the school’s gifted program). On
the other side of the spectrum are larger, more permanent groups who
350 parenting gifted children

hold regular meetings for a variety of purposes including social events,

sponsored lectures, long-term campaigns at the district and state level,
and networking sessions to organize their own summer gifted programs.

Shopping for a Parent Group

If you wish to join an already established parent group, contact

your principal, your district office, or state gifted association to find
out what groups exist in your area. The National Association for Gifted
Children (NAGC) website (http://www.nagc.org) can help you locate
an organization in your state. Once you locate one, arrange to attend a
meeting. Ask in advance what activities the group is currently engaged
in and what the meeting will focus on. Not all parent groups are alike.
You may find some more effective and useful than others. When you
visit a group or groups, consider the following questions:
•â•¢ Does the group have a clear purpose or mission and goals?
•â•¢ Do members have bylaws that establish the election of officers
and their responsibilities?
•â•¢ How does a new parent join? Are the dues reasonable for par-
ents from different economic backgrounds and are newcomers
welcomed?
•â•¢ When does the group hold meetings and does it have agendas
for its meetings?
•â•¢ Does the group ever have events that include other family
members?
•â•¢ Do parents have opportunities to share information, resources,
and ideas?
•â•¢ Does the group ever sponsor speakers or special workshops on
topics of interest to the members?
•â•¢ How well does the group stay in touch with its members and
keep them informed about the activities of the group?

Effective parent groups don’t have to include all of these elements.
Pay particular attention to the dynamics of the group and the content of
the meetings. Try to avoid groups where one or two parents dominate
discussion or other activities, and where there seem to be no byâ•‚laws
 Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education 351

or procedures for the group’s meetings. Also, be aware that sometimes

group meetings may devolve into gripe sessions. While it’s normal for
parents to express their concerns or frustrations, a group that spends
most of its time on this will probably not accomplish much in the long
run. Look for groups that respond sensitively to the needs of individual
members, but also stay on course with their primary goals and commit-
ments as an advocacy group for gifted students in their district and state.

Starting a Parent Group

If no groups exist in your area, you can start one by talking to the
gifted education coordinator about getting contact information for
other parents of gifted students. You can post notices on the school
bulletin board, at the local library or community center, or advertise
in a PTA newsletter or local newspaper. Here’s how one family started
a parent group:

We were concerned about our twins even before kindergar-

ten. They were both reading secondâ•‚ and thirdâ•‚grade books
at age 4 and we thought, “How will they manage in a class
where most kids are still learning their letters?” We started
out attending other parent groups (some of them were pretty
far away, but it was worth the ride for all the information we
got). One group had parents who lived close to us and so our
group started with these parents and us meeting in our living
room. At this point, we all just wanted one thing—gifted edu-
cation for younger kids. Theirs were in primary school and our
twins hadn’t even started school yet! Our first step was to do
research and we divided up the topics: one person researched
parent group organizations; another read up on parent advocacy
strategies in schools—another investigated state policies and
so on. We’re still in process, but I have to say that working
with these parents has inspired me to no end. I feel much less
discouraged about my two kids and there’s something about
banding together with like-minded people to make you feel
hopeful about the future.
352 parenting gifted children

Once you have even a few parents, you can hold an organization
meeting where you establish your philosophy and mission as a par-
ent advocacy group and your goals and objectives—both shortâ•‚ and
longâ•‚term. If possible, consider having a consultant (e.g., gifted educa-
tion coordinator, local expert in gifted education) attend the first meet-
ing in an advisory capacity. Like the group just described, you may find
that at first you prefer to focus on resolving a problem that affects your
child right now, such as the lack of services for primary gifted students.
During the first few meetings, create a list of topics that interest
members, as well as areas where they need more information. Here
are some examples:
•â•¢ learning needs and characteristics of gifted children;
•â•¢ social and emotional needs;
•â•¢ underserved populations (e.g., bilingual, multicultural, under-
privileged, and female students) identification and intervention;
•â•¢ supporting children’s abilities at home and in the community;
•â•¢ communicating effectively with teachers;
•â•¢ school and district policy issues; and
•â•¢ state legislative issues.

These topics will change as the group evolves over time, and they
also should relate to immediate interests of parents (e.g., the need to
improve identification methods for the school’s gifted program, alloca-
tion of district funds for gifted education). Whatever other activities
the group does, a central goal should always be to gain more expertise
in gifted education. Parent groups need to be informed and equipped
with upâ•‚toâ•‚date research in order to communicate knowledgeably to
teachers, administrators, and policy makers.

Going to the Superintendent

The value of a parent group becomes evident when you go to the

superintendent. First, though, be sure that you have talked to the
child’s teacher (or teachers), gifted education coordinator (if there is
one), and principal before taking this step. If you go straight to the
 Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education 353

superintendent, he or she may send you back to the teacher and prin-
cipal; you might risk losing their support when they find out you went
over their heads. Also, it’s a good idea to keep detailed records of all
of your communications, meetings, and telephone conversations, as
well as observations of your child’s challenges, gifts, and experiences.

Plan Your Presentation

Before meeting with the teacher, principal, or superintendent,

gather your notes, research, and any other information together and
plan what you’re going to say. This is the time to review your records
on all of the steps you took at the school up to this point. Records
combined with what you know about the needs of gifted students
should practically speak for themselves. As a group, you can identify
the most important points and use your records and research to support
your requests. In some cases, the issue may be that no services for the
gifted exist at all; in other cases, it may be that the services provided
present certain problems—perhaps an overdependence on standardized
tests for identifying gifted students or too few resources for the gifted
education coordinator, or no coordination between the gifted education
teacher and the regular classroom teachers.

Meet as a Group

Whenever possible, go to the superintendent as a group; even a few

members of the group will be preferable to going alone. Superintendents
usually understand that parents are a powerful constituency and that
it is important to listen to even a relatively small group. A group of
parents with a clear, wellâ•‚conceived presentation and evidence to back
their claims can be highly persuasive. A couple of parents who wanted
to discuss problems with their school’s gifted program came up with
a unique strategy for preparing their presentations:

We were really nervous about this superintendent because he

has a reputation for being kind of hardâ•‚nosed. So, we decided
who would say what and we practiced it a few times! I know
354 parenting gifted children

that sounds like a weird thing to do, but it really paid off. We
instantly felt calmer and the superintendent actually helped us
plan our presentation for the school board.

The influence superintendents have to create change depends on the

relationship between them and their school board. The school board
hires the superintendent and the latter’s sphere of influence depends on
this board’s interests, priorities, and governing style. A school board who
micromanages a district may limit the authority of the superintendent.
But superintendents can initiate action on some issues, such as changing
the criteria for admission to the gifted program or scheduling profes-
sional development in teaching gifted students in the regular classroom.

Going to the School Board

If you are seeking fundamental changes in your district, you will

have to present your case to the school board. They usually make deci-
sions about the allocation of state funding and establish educational
priorities for the district. The school board, together with the superin-
tendent, may decide the fate of a gifted program, select identification
criteria, the grades to be served, and the form that services will take.

Do Your Homework

Before presenting before the school board, you will need to do

some preliminary research. Here are some questions to explore:
•â•¢ What are your state laws on gifted education?
•â•¢ How is your district funded (specifically, how much is allocated
from the state to your district for gifted education)?
•â•¢ What are other districts in your state doing for gifted students?
•â•¢ What is the school board’s yearly schedule (e.g., when are deci-
sions made concerning funding for gifted education and when
do they schedule presentations)?
•â•¢ What can you learn about individual board members that might
help you with your presentation? Are there any that might be
 Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education 355

sympathetic to your cause? (Talk to the superintendent about

this and attend a couple of board meetings to get a feel for the
biases and interests of individual members.)
•â•¢ What is the board currently working on and how can you time
your presentation to make the strongest impact?

Present Your Case

What follows are general guidelines for making presentations to

a school board. You will need to adapt and adjust according to your
unique situation.
1. Start out by giving the school board the big picture: What kind
of an issue is it (e.g., curriculum issue? funding issue?); How
many families or students will it affect? Bear in mind that most
boards will not be that interested in issues that relate only to
a few children in the district.
2. Have plenty of evidence to substantiate your claims. This would
include information (from the most current studies and
research) on whatever aspect of gifted education most relates
to your issue, as well as data you have gathered from students
and parents in your district. You can contact your state associa-
tion to identify sources that deal with your subject.
3. Get straight to the point. Clearly state the reason for your pre-
sentation and what sorts of changes or adjustments you, as a
parent group, feel should take place. Provide a short history of
what has led your group to this point—the steps taken prior
and the personal experiences of one or two members of your
group that illustrate the problem under discussion.
4. Be prepared to explain why services for the gifted are necessary.
Without overwhelming the school board with too many details,
provide persuasive arguments and evidence that: (a) gifted
children exist in the district and (b) gifted children cannot
thrive without appropriate services.
5. Have evidence at your fingertips that supports whatever claims you
make. If you already have a gifted program and it falls short of
its goals, be ready to demonstrate this to the board.
356 parenting gifted children

6. Give each board member a summary of the problem, the evidence

substantiating it, and possible recommendations or solutions in
writing. (Don’t overlook commendations for their efforts and
past support!)
7. Take a strong stand for what you feel is right, but be diplomatic
and patient with board members, even if they seem unsympa-
thetic or uninformed about gifted children.

Even one school board member can become a powerful advocate
for your cause. It is not unusual for one or two board members to help
a parent group and advise them on the best procedures for approach-
ing the full board. Bear in mind that change takes time and may need
to occur in smaller steps than you envisioned when you first started
working on your presentation.

Presenting Your Case to the State

Sometimes, parents decide to take their advocacy to the state level.

Given that districts can only do so much with the funding they receive
from the state, you may discover that the problem really lies at the state
level: too little funding to provide adequate services for gifted students.
Meeting with a legislator can be intimidating, but again, if you go as a
group (or with representatives from different groups) and pool your
research and expertise to present a strong case, you will probably get
results. Whenever possible, try to attend your legislator’s community
meetings and scheduled appearances, and take notes on his or her inter-
ests, concerns, and any insights you may get that will help you in your
own communications. Sometimes legislators have aides who meet with
their constituents. Contrary to what parents may think, aides have con-
siderable authority and influence in the development of policy and it is
not a bad sign if a legislator sends his or her aide to meet with a parent
group. Use the opportunity to find out all you can about procedure—
when you should write letters or make phone calls about bills under
consideration, what methods work best to ensure your message gets across
to the legislator. In this regard, if you don’t already belong to your state
 Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education 357

gifted education association, join! State associations (or committees

within them) often publish newsletters that tell you when bills on gifted
education are up for discus-
sion and provide data on How Can You Make the Most of
how current policies and a Meeting With a Legislator?
regulations affect gifted stu-
dents. Some associations Here are some useful steps to consider when
even provide letter samples planning meetings with your state legislator:
1. Call or write a letter requesting a meeting with
that address specific issues
your elected decision maker stating the topic
and/or outline all of the for discussion and asking when he or she
points you need to include would be available. If other advocates plan to
to argue for or against a par- attend with you, include their names. If there is
ticular policy. Many state no response within a reasonable time, place a
associations for gifted chil- follow-up call.
2. Prepare in advance so that you can clearly make
dren provide useful pointers,
your points in less than half an hour. Review
such as the ones in the side- information supporting your request for action.
bar, from the California 3. At the meeting, introduce yourself and other
Association for the Gifted’s advocates with you. (Three to four advocates
Advocacy in Action handbook should be an easily accommodated number
(n.d., p. 33). for an office conference).
4. Tell your legislator why you are there.
The more informa-
5. If possible, leave printed information for later
tion you can provide for review.
the legislators about gifted 6. Always write a thankâ•‚you note expressing
students, the greater impact appreciation for your elected decision maker’s
you will make. People unfa- time and for his or her consideration of your
miliar with gifted educa- request. Also, include any information the
person requested.
tion tend to think of gifted
students as somewhat
privileged—a small group
of predominantly white, upper middle class kids who already have a
lot going for them. For this reason, include examples of gifted students
from culturally different, bilingual, underprivileged, and other com-
munities—communities who often have the least services and need
them the most. Legislators want to see the broad spectrum of a student
population, not just a few parents concerned about a few children.
358 parenting gifted children

As you become more outspoken about gifted education, other advo-

cacy organizations may take note. An opportunity could arise for you
and a few other parents to present testimony at special hearings that
affect the future of gifted education in the state. Legislators respond
well to parent testimony because it provides immediate evidence of how
the programs they fund are working on the ground. Your personal expe-
rience will illustrate—more powerfully than any other source—why the
state should consider changes in its policy or in the allocation of funds.
Once you get to the state level in your advocacy, you have clearly
stepped into an arena beyond your own child and family. Whenever
you speak at a hearing or give a speech in front of a larger audience or
talk privately to legislators or even journalists, you will find yourself
addressing the needs of the state’s gifted children, not just those in
your school or district. As you gain practice, you will become more
adept at developing persuasive arguments about how current legisla-
tion does not provide for them and what needs to occur to prevent the
widespread loss of talent in all of the state’s communities—from the
inner city to rural farm areas.
Many parents who have become advocates for gifted education
never thought they would go this far. What kept them going was the
responsibility of caring for a gifted child and a heartâ•‚felt conviction that
they were only demanding what any decent parent would ask: a chance
for their child to learn. But in the process, they became advocates for all
gifted children and this is a much longer journey than they originally
intended it to be. As one father put it:

It all started with me taking off from work early on Friday

and going to meet Justine’s teacher. One thing led to the next
thing. The school couldn’t do much so we formed a parent
group that’s still growing and we went to the school board.
Now we’re involved with our state gifted association and all
kinds of other things. Sure, it turned Justine’s life around, but
in the process, it helped a lot of other families and put us on
a journey I never imagined. It’s like we started out doing the
50-yard dash and now we’re long-distance runners!
 Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education 359

Resources

Books

Clark, B. (2001). Growing up gifted: Developing the potential of children at home

and at school (6th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Knopper, D. (1997). Parent education: Parents as partners. Boulder, CO: Open
Space Communications.
Rimm, S. (1994). Keys to parenting the gifted child. Hauppauge, NY: Barron’s
Educational Series.
Smutny, J. F. (2001). Stand up for your gifted child: How to make the most of kids’
strengths at school and at home. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.

Websites

Gifted Children Monthly—http://www.gifted-children.com

GT World—http://gtworld.org
Hoagies’ Gifted Education—http://www.hoagiesgifted.org
National Association for Gifted Children—http://www.nagc.org
National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented—http://www.gifted.uconn.
edu

Reference

California Association for the Gifted. (n.d.). Advocacy in action: An advocacy

handbook for gifted and talented education. Mountain View, CA: Author.
 Chapter 37
Four Simple Steps to
Selfâ•‚Advocacy
by Deborah Douglas

“I
can’t read your mind,” I told my son when he was a teen-
ager, “so give me a little help here. What would make school
better for you?” His shrug and blank stare told me that he
didn’t really know how to describe what he needed. So he
slogged on through grades 7 to 12, sometimes challenged and inter-
ested, frequently not. Fifteen years later as a gifted education coordi-
nator, I still get that blank stare from many of the young people with
whom I work—who don’t know how to ask, don’t know what to ask
for, don’t even know that they can ask. Now, however, I have a plan to
help them create a more successful, satisfying school experience. They
learn to selfâ•‚advocate, or to recognize and address the needs specific
to their own learning abilities, without compromising their dignity or
that of others. By definition, selfâ•‚advocacy has to be the work of the
individual. But as parents and educators, we have the role of teaching
our high-ability children how to effectively communicate, negotiate,
or assert their own interests, desires, needs, and rights.
The typical adolescent urge for less dependence on parents makes
it particularly important for students in the middle grades to begin
advocating for themselves. Each year I poll gifted middle schoolers
on their comfort level in selfâ•‚advocating. Not surprisingly, most are
uncomfortable asking a teacher to modify something for them, and
even less comfortable with their parents asking for them. Advice and
assistance from parents is often shunned as teens transition into the

360
 Four Simple Steps to Self‑Advocacy 361

greater independence of secondary school. But their naive attempts at

selfâ•‚advocacy frequently get them into trouble. Teachers react nega-
tively to a whining “This is boring!” sometimes piling on more rather
than different work. Less gifted peers often deride the student who is
interested in more challenging work. Most students must be taught how
to speak up appropriately on their own behalf. Parents can help to guide
or lead their children through the four simple steps of selfâ•‚advocacy.

Step One: Understand Your Rights and Responsibilities

Students need to believe that asking for an appropriately chal-

lenging curriculum is not asking for more than they deserve. It helps
to know that state statutes, school district mission statements, and
general educational philosophies convey the ideal that all students have
the right to an appropriate education; everyone has the right to work
hard to learn something new each day. A gifted young woman named
Wendy is a good example of successful selfâ•‚advocacy. When she saw
that her school’s mission statement included the phrase “a rigorous
education for all students,” she approached her algebra teacher about
moving ahead at her own pace. Two years later she also asked for, and
received, permission to study precalculus independently, ultimately
earning eight credits of college calculus before graduation and finding
the rigor she craved and deserved.
In addition to their rights, gifted students must be aware of their
responsibilities, including developing the attributes of good character
toward which all students should strive. Being gifted doesn’t preclude
turning in work on time, treating others with respect, getting orga-
nized, or working hard.

What Parents Can Do To Help

•â•¢ Talk to your children about self-advocacy. Let them know that
if they want to, they can make school more interesting and
more challenging.
362 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Give them The Gifted Kids’ Survival Guide: A Teen Handbook by
Judy Galbraith and Jim Delisle, which provides much of the
information they need to understand their rights and respon-
sibilities. If you bookmark passages that relate to their current
concerns, they’ll be drawn quickly into the kidâ•‚friendly format.
•â•¢ Ask the school for copies of your district’s mission statement,
goals, gifted education plan, and state mandates or guidelines
for gifted education. Chances are you’ll find evidence that their
intention is to challenge all children. Share that with your
child.
•â•¢ Remind your children that while you are working together
to change things, they are still responsible for demonstrating
those attributes of good character. Being bored is not an excuse
for doing poor work.

Step Two: Assess Your Learner Profile

In order to self-advocate, students must understand as much as

possible about themselves as learners, becoming more keenly aware
of their specific abilities and interests, strengths or weaknesses, and
learning styles or habits. There are many fascinating ways for gifted
students to examine their own tendencies and to understand better
how they are different from others.

Educational Data

Reviewing their school cumulative file with a counselor or gifted

education coordinator can give students important insights on test
scores, grades, and teacher perceptions. While some schools may be
initially reluctant to share this information, parents do have a legal
right to it and should be allowed access that can include sharing this
information with their child.
 Four Simple Steps to Self‑Advocacy 363

Student Interest

Most school guidance offices have computerized interest and career

inventories for student use. The supplementary materials in Karen
Rogers’ Reâ•‚Forming Gifted Education: How Parents and Teachers Can
Match the Program to the Child also will help them assess their inter-
est and attitudes about specific subjects and school in general. More
simply, students can rank their school subjects by interest and describe
the best learning experience they ever had, listing the things that made
it so enjoyable.

Personality

Introvert or extrovert? Morning person or night? Leader or team

member? Understanding these ways in which each person is unique
can shed light on student needs. School guidance offices frequently
provide such assessments as career inventories and personalityâ•‚type
indicators. Less formally, Jonni Kincher’s Psychology for Kids: 40 Fun
Tests That Help You Learn About Yourself includes fun tests and good
descriptions of many characteristics.

Learning Styles

There are several ways of categorizing learning styles: visual, spatial,

kinesthetic, concrete, abstract, random, or sequential. Solomon and
Felder of North Carolina State University have posted an interactive
learning style assessment at their website (http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/
lockers/users/f/felder/public/ILSdir/styles.htm) and give students hints
for adjusting class work to address their styles. Detailed information
on learning styles research also is available in the parent section of
the Hoagies Gifted Education Page (http://www. hoagiesgifted.org).

Just For Fun

For more informal self-assessments an Internet search yields many

free personality-type tests. As always, parents should help students
364 parenting gifted children

evaluate sites for credibility. Nonprofit educational organizations often

are the most reliable sources. Published resources (such as the Mental
Measurements Yearbook) are available in the reference section of many
libraries; these often are technical, but they can help in evaluating
instruments.
Taken together, this information constitutes an individual’s “learner
profile,” which can help students self-reflect on their personal learning
goals. Through this type of analysis, for instance, Wendy discovered
that she was a “morning person;” a well-organized, abstract, sequential
thinker; a passionate mathematician; and an introvert who enjoyed
working alone. With this knowledge, she was able to identify the
aspects of her daily schedule and regular coursework that needed to
be modified—most difficult classes in the morning, faster pace in math,
and more independent study.

What Parents Can Do To Help

•â•¢ Set up an appointment with the guidance counselor so that

you and your child can view and discuss his or her permanent
record.
•â•¢ Find out which learner profile assessments are available in
your district.
•â•¢ When possible, also do the assessments yourself. Compare
and discuss the results with your child. Then celebrate your
differences as well as your similarities.

Step Three: Consider Available Options

Students must be aware of the opportunities that exist within the

school district as well as the community at large. Many will be listed
in the high school course-of-study bulletin or gifted education plan.
Districts may offer Advanced Placement courses, classroom enrichment,
acceleration, independent study, mentorships, summer programs, cocur-
ricular clubs and teams, and dual enrollment. There also are distance
learning courses, virtual schools, and online college classes. Together
 Four Simple Steps to Self‑Advocacy 365

with their counselor or gifted coordinator, students should match the

available options with their personal learning profile and educational
goals. Sometimes it’s as easy as changing a class schedule or finding a
teacher whose teaching style aligns with the student’s learning style.
Other times it may be necessary to work within the system to create a
new option. Frequently what begins as an alternative for one student
evolves into an accepted route for other similarly gifted students. It’s
important to remember that while the typical path to graduation is
right for the majority of kids, there are many alternatives that more
appropriately address the individual needs of gifted students.
In Wendy’s school, all advanced eighth-grade math students
studied algebra with ninth graders, but there were no other options.
Because the content was new but the pace was still too slow for her,
she requested curriculum compacting. In high school, she realized she
could move more quickly than the precalculus class would allow. She
contemplated curriculum compacting again, as well as independent
study and online courses, but finally chose to work her way through
the textbook during the summer and be ready for calculus in the fall.
During her senior year, she studied at a community college, paid for
by the school district under state law.

What Parents Can Do To Help

•â•¢ Understand the graduation requirements in your district and

state. What parts of the traditional route are optional?
•â•¢ Look at your secondary school prospectus. Are there mentor-
ships, independent study, or work experience programs already
in place?
•â•¢ Familiarize yourself with online, community, and postsec-
ondary options. Will your district pay for college or technical
school courses?
•â•¢ One word of caution: Focus on your child’s individual wants
and needs. Not all options are right for all children. The Latin
correspondence course that thrills the 15-year-old next door
may not be your child’s cup of tea.
366 parenting gifted children

Step Four: Connect With Advocates

Although self-advocacy is key, teens should remember that they

are not in this alone. There are many adults who can help. Parents still
play a substantial though less visible role. Supportive teachers and guid-
ance counselors will go to bat for students, and consultants in gifted
education can help schools understand and accept their role. Start by
considering which options your teacher or the school might be willing
to provide if asked. Galbraith and Delisle’s “Ten Tips for Talking to
Teachers” is a good place for students to begin, especially if a teacher is
provided a copy of the tips (see p. 367). Students who are guided through
self-advocacy by caring adults are more apt to find success the first time
around, generating greater independence and self-confidence.
Wendy’s alternative path didn’t just fall into place. She needed help
coping with the frustrations of red tape, scheduling conflicts, inflex-
ible administrators and teachers, and uninformed peers. But she was
encouraged by her parents, some sympathetic teachers, her guidance
counselor, the math department coordinator, the gifted education staff,
and other gifted students. Aware of her ability and motivation, they
supported her efforts in navigating the system and creating the aca-
demic path that was right for her. One indelible image they all share
is of upperclassmen hoisting Wendy into the air as they accepted the
first place trophy at the regional math championship.

What Parents Can Do To Help

•â•¢ Think of your advocacy as a partnership: parents, teachers, and

counselors working together to support the student’s deci-
sions. Get to know the school personnel who can help make
a difference.
•â•¢ Get involved. Join a parent support group or volunteer for your
district’s gifted advisory committee. If neither exists, offer to
organize one.
•â•¢ Share this article with your child’s teacher, counselor, or prin-
cipal if the school seems resistant. Let them know you want to
be partners with them and your child.
 Four Simple Steps to Self‑Advocacy 367

Ten Tips for Talking to Teachers

1. Make an appointment. This shows your teacher that you’re serious and you
have some understanding of how busy he or she is. Plan how much time
you’ll need, be flexible, and don’t be late.
2. If you know other students who feel the way you do, consider approaching
the teacher as a group. If a teacher hears the same thing from four or five
people, he or she is more likely to do something about it.
3. Think about what to say before you meet with your teacher. Write down
your questions or concerns. Make a list. You may even want to copy your
list for the teacher so both of you can consult it during your meeting.
4. Choose your words carefully. For example, instead of saying, “I hate doing
reports; they’re boring and a waste of time,” try, “Is there some other way
I could satisfy this requirement? Could I do a video instead?” The word
“boring” doesn’t help teachers very much.
5. Don’t expect the teacher to do all of the work or propose all of the
answers. Make suggestions and offer solutions.
6. Be diplomatic, tactful, and respectful. Teachers have feelings, too. And
they’re more likely to be responsive if you remember that the purpose of
your meeting is conversation, not confrontation.
7. Focus on what you need, not on what you think the teacher is doing
wrong. The more the teacher learns about you, the more he or she will be
able to help. The more defensive the teacher feels, the less he or she will
want to help.
8. Listen. Many students need practice in this essential skill. The purpose of
your meeting isn’t just to hear yourself talk, but to have a conversation.
9. Bring your sense of humor that lets you laugh at yourself and your own
misunderstandings and mistakes.
10. If your meeting isn’t successful, get help from another adult, like the
guidance counselor, gifted program coordinator, or another teacher that
supports you. “Successful” doesn’t necessarily mean that you emerged
victorious. Even if the teacher denies your request, your meeting can still
be judged successful. If you communicated openly, listened carefully, and
respected each other’s point of view—then congratulate yourself on a great
meeting. If the air crackled with tension, the meeting fell apart, and you felt
disrespected (or acted disrespectful), then it’s time to bring in another adult.

Note. Adapted from The Gifted Kid’s Survival Guide: A Teen Handbook by J. Galbraith and J.
Delisle, 1996, Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing. Copyright Free Spirit Publishing.
368 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Allow your child to make his or her own choices. Perhaps one
of the toughest things for parents is knowing that wonderful
academic options exist but that their child is not interested in
any of them. Be patient. There is an ebb and flow of needs in
every teen’s life. Simply assure your child that she will have
your support when the time is right.

It’s never too soon to teach teenagers about self-advocacy. When
students know they have the right to ask, they are empowered and will
be able to use the four simple steps in this article whenever they need
them throughout their lives.

Resources

Greene, R. (2000). The teenagers’ guide to school outside the box. Minneapolis,
MN: Free Spirit.
Kincher, J. (1995). Psychology for kids: 40 fun tests that help you learn about
yourself. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Rogers, K. B. (2002). Re-forming gifted education: How parents and teachers
can match the program to the child. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.

Reference

Galbraith, J., & Delisle, J. (1996). The gifted kids survival guide: A teen handbook.
Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
 Chapter 38
Advocating for Talented
Youth: Lessons Learned From
the National Study of Local
and State Advocacy in Gifted
Education
by Ann Robinson and Sidney M. Moon

I
n Iowa, a parent-led advocacy group elected a school board member
by endorsing a supportive candidate in a tight race. They activated
a phone tree to inform parents of gifted students in the district of
the endorsement. The ballot box did the rest!
In New York, a parent advocacy group succeeded in getting its
district to adopt a policy to specify services for gifted learners, broke
down barriers to grade acceleration, started a Saturday enrichment
program, and organized a regularly published newsletter. It has become
a major player in district planning.
In North Carolina, the state association spearheaded an effort to
pass state legislation mandating local gifted education program plans.
They used a strategy called “Bag It.” Participants were given two paper
bags and asked to take someone at their local level to lunch. They
targeted a principal, a school board member, a lead teacher, a super-
intendent, the PTA president, or a newspaper reporter. They also pro-
vided advocates with suggestions for beginning the conversation and
with stamped postcards to return to the state association with a short

369
370 parenting gifted children

summary of their lunchtime gains. Through this strategy, they built

coalitions and new supporters.
In Colorado, advocates learned that a state mandate for gifted edu-
cation services was not possible in the current political climate. Rather
than give up or alienate their legislative supporters, they regrouped and
worked with sympathetic legislators to craft an amendment that gave
them increased funding and identified gifted learners. By identifying
gifted students in the legislation, advocates successfully gained official
recognition for this special population of learners.
Reports of successful advocacy come from every corner of the coun-
try, and parents often are key players in securing educational oppor-
tunities for their gifted children. A national study of advocacy in local
school districts and of statewide efforts provides us with a fascinating
picture of dedicated people at work on behalf of gifted and talented
youth. The stories differ, but there are common lessons that can inform
the plans and day-to-day actions of advocates.
Advocates give support to a cause or take a public position on an
issue. Sometimes they work to maintain the status quo, but often they
work to encourage change. This may include securing more resources
to serve gifted and talented children or starting programs where none
exist or making changes to those that do exist. The ways in which
people took on these tasks and made things happen for gifted children
interested us. In this article, we share our observations and conclusions
regarding lessons learned from the national study of local and state
advocacy in gifted education.

Who Was in the Sample?

Sixty-one examples of advocacy from 34 states were summarized

through surveys sent to state directors of gifted education, state affili-
ates of the National Association for Gifted Children, and to collabora-
tive school districts from the National Research Center on the Gifted
and Talented. The people who responded to the survey came from all
constituencies in a gifted child’s life: parents, teachers, gifted and tal-
ented administrators, state department of education leaders, community
 Advocating for Talented Youth 371

leaders, and university researchers. Six of these 61 survey responses

were selected for more in-depth investigation by case study research-
ers who visited the sites, talked with stakeholders (individuals affected
by a program such as parents, teachers, administrators, community
members, or students) and advocates and examined documents relevant
to the advocates’ work. Finally, the surveys and the case studies were
examined once again to identify general principles and practical lessons
that other advocates might use. Here’s what we found.

What Happened?

Most advocates targeted one of two things: either demands for

increased funding or general policy changes. Sometimes they would
advocate for both at the same time; sometimes they advocated for one or
the other. Most advocates, about 70%, reported that they “wanted some-
thing new.” About 18% reported that they wanted to change something
that already existed with which they were not pleased or felt needed
improvement. Even when they focused on the new, very few of the
advocates in the national study reported clean slate advocacy—advocacy
in which nothing at all existed before they began their efforts.
Why so few reports of clean slate advocacy? It is probably due to
the kinds of research questions we asked in the study and the kinds of
advocates who responded to our survey. We asked people to tell us about
successful advocacy. By that definition, something positive must have
happened! We also sent our inquiries to the network of state depart-
ments and school districts that were already part of the nationwide
gifted education community. These were places where some service,
even if minimal, was already in place.

What Defined Success?

Looking carefully at the six sites that were developed into case stud-
ies we were able to see common threads that invited success. Although
there were several factors that we organized into the categories of influ-
372 parenting gifted children

ences, leadership, and advocacy strategies, we concentrate here on the three

factors that are most likely to be useful to parent advocates: policies,
champions and leaders, and communication strategies for raising aware-
ness. Each one of the factors led us to a take-away lesson that advocates
can use, with the understanding that they are all overlapping, that not
all lessons would apply in all situations, and that not all are necessary
for success in a specific situation.

Policies

Policies are courses of action established or set by elected or

appointed decision makers. In relation to gifted education, some
examples of policies include: “This district does not endorse grade
acceleration,” or “School districts must identify and serve gifted learn-
ers in grades K through 12.” In the case of the first example, advocates
might work to have the policy preventing acceleration removed; in the
second, advocates might work to increase funding to support the law
that mandates services. In either example, advocates need to be very
knowledgeable about the current policies in their local and state context.
In fact, our case studies demonstrated that successful advocacy often
depended on knowledgeable advocates who made thorough examina-
tions of gifted education, local policies, state policies, and the political
processes necessary to create or modify them.
The lesson for advocates found in all of these cases was that time
spent studying the current policies and the political and administrative
avenues for affecting them or developing new policy is time well spent.
Advocates who are well informed about current policies are also
equipped to respond in a crisis (e.g., where policy makers attempt to
change policy without sufficient discussion with the public). In terms
of long-range efforts, advocates with a thorough knowledge of poli-
cies will be able to engage in ongoing advocacy in many and varied
situations. These might include social situations where advocates
come into contact with policy makers outside of the usual forums
(memberships in clubs, churches, social groups, or sports organiza-
tions), where ongoing contact helps to develop a deep well of support
 Advocating for Talented Youth 373

and knowledge between advocates and decision makers like school

board members and state legislators.

Champions and Leaders

Leadership that existed in two different, but related ways, influ-

enced successful advocacy. There were individual leaders we termed
champions and there were organized gifted education associations
in which groups of advocates carried out the leadership function. In
our study, individual champions were parents, university educators,
teachers, or leaders of advocacy organizations. The gifted education
advocacy organizations were either local parent groups or state gifted
education associations. In one case, a teacher-champion first created
a gifted education program in her local school and then worked with
other teachers and parents to found a statewide advocacy association.
In other words, one type of leader (a champion) could create the sec-
ond type (an advocacy organization) over time. It doesn’t have to be
lonely out there on the advocacy front lines. A committed individual
champion can create a structure of support on many different levels.
The individual champions who appeared in the case studies were
motivated, knowledgeable, and possessed the leadership skills of prob-
lem solving and communication, which included knowledge of public
relations. They often persisted long beyond the time their own children
were involved in gifted education services and through both exciting
and difficult times. For example, the two champions in one of the case
studies were parents of children attending the same district. They did
not necessarily agree on all of their goals or have a common approach.
They did have staying power beyond the bumps and disagreements
within the parent advocacy group they were part of, and through their
lengthy dealings with the school district. In another of the case studies,
the champion was a school employee who used a court-ordered deseg-
regation plan to increase the participation of minority students in gifted
education programming. Her strategies were varied. She designed
more equitable identification procedures, improved the infrastructure
in predominately minority schools, increased the numbers of minority
374 parenting gifted children

staff involved in gifted education, and built an understanding of the

benefits of gifted education in minority communities.
In addition to high levels of motivation, both individual champions
and association leadership advocates needed a broad base of knowledge
to help them achieve their goals. Three kinds of knowledge seemed to
be important to them: knowledge of best practices in gifted education
(e.g., What kinds of curricula have research support?), political savvy
or knowledge and understanding of the political process in which the
advocates work (e.g., Who makes what decisions in our district or in
the state legislature? Who are other influential people or groups in our
district or state? How do you make a positive contact with them?), and
practical know-how about advocacy strategies (e.g., What is a postcard
blizzard or what is a phone tree? How do we use them in our district
or state?). One of the parent champions learned to use the Freedom of
Information Act to request information from the school district, which
was relevant to his advocacy efforts. Association leaders in another
state devoted a full year of concentrated self-study of the legislative
processes as part of their effort to pass a mandate for gifted education.
Both individual champions and advocacy organizations used various
strategies in their efforts to raise awareness and secure resources or
change policies. The strategies varied to suit the context, but again we
found common threads.
The lesson for advocates is that an individual champion or a small
group of association leaders with an appropriate knowledge base can
provide the momentum for successful advocacy campaigns. It does not
take a cast of thousands to make progress.

Advocacy Tools and Strategies

Advocates used a variety of strategies to achieve their goals. They

planned. They collaborated. They communicated. In some cases, they
even developed gifted education programs. The national study rein-
forced the importance of planning in effective advocacy. Each of the
successful sites we studied in depth involved powerhouse planners.
And, just as advocacy model builders suggest, successful advocates
 Advocating for Talented Youth 375

have learned to collaborate with other groups of parents, educators, and

decision makers. For example, members of the advocacy association
in one of the state-level case studies worked hard at building positive,
supportive relationships with key decision makers and other education
groups in the state. One of their strategies was to make appointments to
meet newly elected or appointed officials and then to maintain contact
with those officials on a regular basis. This strategy led to a positive
relationship with their new state Secretary of Education, which in turn,
led to collaborative goal setting. Eventually, the collaboration that
was forged with the Secretary of Education led to many positive out-
comes for gifted and talented education. One was a series of state-level
awareness initiatives, the establishment of a State Advisory Council
on Gifted Education, and a modest amount of new state funding for
competitive grants for school districts.
Communication is part of an advocacy strategy that lends itself
to concrete examples and actions for parents who want to become
successful advocates. Communication as part of a strategy seems obvi-
ous, but we found advocates engaged in a broad range of innovative
communication activities, which other advocacy groups could import
into their own contexts. We focused on communication activities for
raising awareness and offer them as possibilities for parents and parent
advocacy groups to consider.
These are the kinds of activities that form the backbone of what we
call “advocacy for acceptance”—advocacy intended to increase under-
standing of the nature and nurture of gifted and talented children and
create a positive climate for increased resources for gifted education.
Advocates focused on three kinds of awareness-raising activities to
communicate acceptance for the needs of gifted children: informational
products for general and specific audiences, staff development activi-
ties to assist general education teachers in understanding the needs of
gifted and talented students, and public relations events. Our survey
respondents and the six case study sites provided several examples.
376 parenting gifted children

Tips for State-Level Advocacy

Build an Effective State Advocacy Organization

• Align your state organization with NAGC.

• Educate your members about gifted education and particularly the history
of gifted education in your state.
• Educate your members about the legislative and administrative processes in
your state and about advocacy in general.
• Build local affiliate groups of parents and teachers.
• Design ongoing and fast response systems (e.g., adopt a legislator
programs and phone trees).
• Keep a database of members with particular attention to those who have
personal or professional connections with decision makers.

Build Collaborative Relationships With Decision

Makers and Other Education Organizations
• Build relationships and collaborations with your State Superintendent of
Education, State Board of Education, State Gifted and Talented Office,
university administrators, etc.
• Build relationships with other education groups such as teacher unions,
administrator organizations, and other advocacy groups that may be
promoting an appropriate education for children with disabilities or those
with English as a second language.
• Work with your State Department of Education to establish a state-level
advisory board for gifted education.
• Write position papers or adapt those developed by the NAGC
• Visit with officials before they are elected (during campaigns) and again
when they take office to provide information on your organization and
goals. Do the same with appointed officials and staff.
• Keep in touch with key legislative committee members and their staffs on a
regular basis.
• Get to know the staff in legislative offices and offer to organize education
advisory committees for them or offer to serve on an existing one.
• Be truthful, professional, and positive. Know the arguments against your
issue as well as your own and always be willing to compromise to achieve
your goals on an incremental basis.
 Advocating for Talented Youth 377

Communicate a Clear and Consistent Message

• Conduct creative awareness campaigns to create a positive climate for

your advocacy goals.
• Compile and disseminate factual information about gifted education in
your state on a regular basis to your members, policy makers, and the
media.
• Develop specific, clear advocacy goals and review them on a regular
basis to see if they need to be changed or updated.
• Publicize your message in concise, clever, and consistent ways.
• To overcome the issue of elitism in gifted education, always present
scenarios of GT children from all socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds
in all areas of your state.
• Be visible (e.g., attend hearings and committee meetings; make statements
to the press, but only after careful consideration; develop a newsletter;
write op-ed pieces for the local papers; wear buttons with your
organization’s message/logo).
• Before lobbying understand the limits of your association to do so under
the law and then teach organization members how to lobby effectively
including writing letters to legislators (e.g., include bill, recommendation for
related funding, explanation of association’s position on the bill, and why
the bill is important to you and your child).
• Engage a lobbyist only after careful review and interviews to ensure that
the lobbyist you hire doesn’t have conflicts of interest in the groups he or
she represents.

Say “Thank You”

• Express appreciation frequently and creatively to all who assist you.

Note. See Delcourt (2003) and Enersen (2003).

Informational Products

State and local parent associations developed tangible products

such as parent handbooks, informational flyers, and position papers for
use with the media, state and local decision makers, and the general
public, and to use to recruit advocates. In at least one case, an advocacy
handbook was published and reached a national audience.
378 parenting gifted children

Staff Development Activities

While staff development activities are more likely to be carried

out by educators for educators, there also are examples of staff devel-
opment activities by local and state advocacy organizations. In our
study, state and local advocacy associations organized conferences for
parents, teachers, and administrators, both to raise awareness and pro-
vide detailed information on the nature and nurture of gifted students.
Some of these conferences were funded with advocacy grants from the
National Association for Gifted Children, which were awarded to state
advocacy organizations.

Tips for Local Advocacy

Be Knowledgeable

• Be informed about your child and your district and school, its policies, and
practices.
• Learn the principles behind gifted education.
• Read books and articles on how to advocate effectively.
• Understand federal laws, state laws, court decisions, and school policies
that affect your efforts.
• Gather specific data and statistics about local programming.
• Understand all stakeholders, their conceptions of giftedness, and their
views of gifted education.
• Be aware of other issues and pressures facing schools and administrators
and teachers.

Build Awareness and Support

• Be positive, trustworthy, and professional.

• Create and disseminate informational materials that are customized for your
community (e.g., flyers, handbooks, reprints).
• Educate teachers, administrators, and school board members about gifted
education and expose them to both sides of controversial issues.
• Create task forces, groups, or committees with broad stakeholder
representation to make recommendations on controversial issues and draft
local policy statements so that policy makers will understand what you
 Advocating for Talented Youth 379

are asking for. These groups could include parents, representatives of the
business and faith communities, and others with an interest in education in
your community.
• Use varied techniques designed to meet specific situations to ensure that
all perspectives on gifted education issues are heard, discussed, and
addressed.

Find Champions in the School System

• Identify administrators and board members who support gifted education

and work with them to create change.
• Expend most of your efforts on decision makers who are supportive or
neutral but don’t underestimate your ability to change peoples’ views.

Set Clear Goals

• Be clear about what you want to accomplish, yet ready to compromise

and accept incremental gains.
• Keep policy goals separate from implementation goals (e.g., getting the
policy in place for gifted education and funding that initiative).
• Be ready to respond quickly to policy or funding changes that might
affect local gifted education programs and do this by being at the table
for all education discussions even if they aren’t directly relevant to gifted
education.

Assist in Developing Written Polices to

Guide Local Gifted Education Efforts
• Address controversial local issues with clear policy statements that all
stakeholders can support.
• Draft policy statements and circulate them for comments from all
stakeholders.

Address Issues of Equity as Well as Issues of Excellence

• Advocate for services for all students and for gifted students from all
socioeconomic levels and ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Advocate for
identification practices that are effective with underrepresented populations
in gifted programs.
380 parenting gifted children

• Work to increase minority student participation in local gifted education

programs. Strengthen the understanding and commitment of minority
communities to gifted education.
• Improve the infrastructure in schools with large minority and lower
socioeconomic populations so that it allows for appropriate programs to
be developed.
• Work to increase the involvement of minority educators in gifted education.

Note. See Grantham (2003), Hertzog (2003), and Kennedy (2003).

Public Relations Activities

Advocates used public relations at both the local and state levels to
build support. For example, one district organizes an ice cream social
each year to share the successes of its gifted students and its program.
Parents, students, and community members are invited to a showcase of
student projects and accomplishments. One of the state-level advocacy
case studies reported that a statewide Gifted Education Month was
established by the governor to raise awareness of the needs of gifted
children and youth. Other public relations examples include a blan-
ket of thank-you letters to legislators who voted to pass a state-level
mandate and radio public service announcements read by children in
a local gifted program.
The lesson is that successful advocates plan, collaborate with others,
and communicate through speaking, writing, and organizing public
events.

Lessons Learned

The advocates we studied provided several useful lessons for other

parents, educators, and policy makers who work on behalf of gifted and
talented students. First, advocacy is a continual process, a campaign
in many ways, not an event around which boundaries are easily drawn.
Successful advocates are vigilant and advocate all of the time for the
issues and causes they believe in. Successful advocates build up a deep
 Advocating for Talented Youth 381

well of goodwill and contacts on which to draw when focusing on a

particular policy or when a funding crisis arises.
Second, successful advocacy often takes the form of advocacy to
improve understanding of the needs of high-ability learners, or what
we term advocacy for acceptance. Successful advocates for gifted edu-
cation are willing to devote time to gaining recognition for the needs
of talented learners in order to create a context ripe for other more
tangible advocacy goals such as increased services in the schools or
extracurricular opportunities for gifted and talented children.
Third, successful advocacy can be initiated and sustained by a small
group of people even at the state level. Often a single individual who
serves as a champion can inspire other advocates to stay the course over
time.
Fourth, chance favors the prepared advocate. Opportunities can
arise quickly, and advocates with a clear message and an effective mes-
senger make the most of them. Being a knowledgeable messenger who
can speak effectively and quickly with policy makers can be extremely
important.
Fifth, successful advocates use nonadversarial strategies, and believe
that strategies that focus on collaboration and consensus building are
most likely to be effective. School personnel, including teachers and
administrators, school board members, and legislators respond more
positively to parent advocates who are knowledgeable about the range
of issues facing them and are willing to negotiate to reach their goals.
Sixth, successful advocacy campaigns create intermediate goals
to measure progress and maintain the enthusiasm of the participants.
Although many advocates view the final goal as mandated services to
gifted and talented students, successful advocates use recognition, pub-
lic relations campaigns, incremental policy making and implementation,
and the establishment of ongoing advocacy groups as intermediate
outcomes and indicators of their progress.
In the end, the keys to effective advocacy for parents are planning,
becoming informed, communicating with one another, and making
positive contacts with individuals and groups who can support the
interests of gifted children through good decisions, enlightened policies,
and increased resources. Our research found parents across the country
382 parenting gifted children

using a variety of advocacy strategies effectively and enthusiastically.

They collaborated with schools. They built networks and coalitions.
They persuaded policy makers. In all of these contexts, parents were
impressive advocates with interesting and inspiring stories to share.

Resources

Arkansas Association of Gifted Education Administrators. (n.d.). Legislative

handbook: How to communicate with state and national policymakers. Little
Rock, AR: Author.
Bootel, J. A. (1995). CEC special education advocacy handbook. Reston, VA:
Council for Exceptional Children.
California Association for the Gifted. (n.d.). Advocacy in action: An advocacy
handbook for gifted and talented education. Mountain View, CA: Author.
National Association for Gifted Children. (n.d.). Online advocacy toolkit.
Retrieved from http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=36

References

Delcourt, M. A. B. (2003). Five ingredients for success: Two case studies of

advocacy at the state level. Gifted Child Quarterly, 47, 26–37.
Enersen, D. (2003). The art of bridge building: Providing for gifted children.
Gifted Child Quarterly, 47, 38–45.
Grantham, T. C. (2003). Increasing Black student enrollment in gifted pro-
grams: An exploration of Pulaski county special school district’s advocacy
efforts. Gifted Child Quarterly, 47, 46–65.
Hertzog, N. (2003). Advocacy: On the cutting edge. Gifted Child Quarterly,
47, 66–81.
Kennedy, D. (2003). Custer, South Dakota: Gifted’s last stand. Gifted Child
Quarterly, 47, 82–93.
 Part VII
Twice-Exceptional Students
by James T. Webb

F
or decades, professionals and parents have assumed that gifted
children were not very likely to have social, emotional, or learn-
ing problems. After all, Terman’s classic studies showed that
gifted children were, in general, healthier, more resilient, and
more emotionally stable than other children. Even recently, research
found relatively few such problems in gifted children, although other
professionals in the field pointed out that the research was primarily
conducted on children who had been identified by schools as gifted
and therefore were already functioning pretty well academically, and
probably socially and emotionally.
More recently, many leaders in the field have pointed out that a
substantial number of gifted children are not being identified as such,
and that these gifted children may have disorders that, unless they are
diagnosed and treated, actually interfere with a child’s ability to use his
or her abilities. Such children all too often are not even recognized as
gifted. Because, by definition, gifted children are exceptional, if they
have a coexisting disorder they are twice-exceptional, often referred
to as 2E. Gifted children may have Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity
Disorder (ADHD), Asperger’s syndrome, learning disabilities, vision

383
384 parenting gifted children

or hearing problems, or other impairments. As Robinson noted in

2006, the only condition gifted students are immune to is intellectual
disability, formerly known as mental retardation.
This section provides selected chapters that focus on a few of the
more widespread disorders that gifted children may have. The authors’
chapters in this section provide a fundamental look at some of the most
frequent twice-exceptionalities, and provide advice and direction for
parents and professionals who are trying to help gifted children who
have a coexisting disorder.
As author Beverly Trail notes, “Parenting would be so much easier
if children came with a book of instructions” (p. 387). This is particularly
true with gifted children who are 2E, and the title of Trail’s chap-
ter sums it up well: “Parenting Twice-Exceptional Children Through
Frustration to Success.” A wide range of disabilities—often ones that
are not apparent—can prevent a child from demonstrating his or her
abilities, and parents and educators must be particularly alert to this
possibility. Gifted children who do have disabilities typically under-
estimate their abilities and have self-esteem issues; they focus on what
they cannot do well, rather than on what they can do well. This chapter
reminds parents to create a safe home environment, to focus on a child’s
strengths, to help the child develop compensatory strategies and skills,
to cultivate realistic goal setting and resiliency, and to actively advocate
for their children.
The twice-exceptional gifted child most often discussed is one
who has ADHD. A fundamental problem is simply one of making a
correct diagnosis. As Sylvia Rimm points out in her chapter, there can
be many other causes of ADHD-like symptoms in a child who does
not have ADHD. These problems range from traumatic to toxic family
situations to families inconsistently applying family rules. Some of the
special characteristics of gifted children, such as their unusual intensity,
may lead them to show behaviors that are misinterpreted as ADHD.
Some gifted children, however, do truly have ADHD. Sidney
Moon, a noted researcher in gifted education, knows this personally
because one of her sons is twice-exceptional in this way. From her
research and experience, Moon notes that children who have ADHD
and also are gifted tend to have more severe social and emotional
 Twice-Exceptional Students 385

problems than do children who only have giftedness alone or ADHD

alone. Their intellectual giftedness did not protect them from the prob-
lems associated with ADHD, and may have actually made them more
pronounced. Moon offers some suggestions that may help parents and
educators.
As you read these chapters, it is important to keep in mind some
of the following questions:
•â•¢ Could my child be underachieving due to a coexisting problem
that has not heretofore been recognized?
•â•¢ How likely is it that my child has significant asynchronous
development?
•â•¢ Are the teachers and parents expecting too much in some areas
and not enough in others?
•â•¢ Have I become informed enough to be an effective advocate
for my child?
•â•¢ Am I being sufficiently persistent in my efforts to advocate for
my child?

Parents of gifted children, like most other parents, generally trust
the advice provided by educational, health care, and counseling pro-
fessionals. Regrettably, though, these professionals often receive little
training and are not sufficiently informed about gifted children (Webb
et al., 2005). As a result, gifted children, particularly if they are edu-
cationally misplaced or not understood at home, are misdiagnosed and
dual diagnoses are missed. Pediatricians, family practice specialists,
and psychologists may well overlook your child’s coexisting disorder.
One study (Alsop, 1997) found that a full 20% of the information and
advice given by professionals about gifted children was not only inac-
curate, but also “hurtful.”
The implications are clear. Parents need to educate themselves about
2E gifted children so that they can educate the professionals with whom
they interact. And parents need to persistently advocate for their gifted
children’s education, as well as to undertake remedial activities at home.
There is substantial evidence that specific activities can help rewire the
brain, particularly in children under the age of 12 (Eide & Eide, 2006).
386 parenting gifted children

The gifted education field is continuing to explore areas within

twice-exceptionality, so parents should take efforts to stay informed
of new developments. This can be done via researching the Internet,
attending conferences, reading relevant books, and subscribing to
publications such as Parenting for High Potential, published by the
National Association for Gifted Children, or the 2E Newsletter
(http://2enewsletter.com).

References

Alsop, G. (1997). Coping or counseling: Families of intellectually gifted

students. Roeper Review, 20, 26–34.
Eide, B. L., & Eide, F. F. (2006). The mislabeled child: How understanding
your child’s unique learning style can open the door to success. New York,
NY: Hyperion.
Robinson, N. M. (2006). Counseling issues for gifted students. Gifted
Education Communicator, 37(1), 9–10.
Webb, J. T., Amend, E. R., Webb, N. E., Goerss, J., Beljan, P., & Olenchak,
F. R. (2005). Misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children and adults:
ADHD, bipolar, OCD, Asperger’s, depression, and other disorders. Scottsdale,
AZ: Great Potential Press.
 Chapter 39
Parenting Twiceâ•‚Exceptional
Children Through
Frustration to Success
by Beverly A. Trail

P
arenting would be so much easier if children came with a
book of instructions. Paul’s parents thought he would excel
in school because in kindergarten, he was performing at the
secondâ•‚grade level in reading and math. He understood com-
plex concepts well beyond his years (like “plate tectonics”) and was
identified as gifted. Paul continually complained that school was bor-
ing and he begged to stay home to learn. It became evident during
the intermediate elementary years that he was not progressing as he
should. Even though he understood the concept of multiplication in
first grade, Paul was not able to pass the timed math facts tests and
he could not do long division problems. He would write the correct
answer where it belonged, but could not do the stepâ•‚byâ•‚step process of
long division. Paul’s writing was a mixture of print and cursive writing
that was illegible. His fourthâ•‚grade teacher gave him two desks and
still papers (usually incomplete assignments that should have been
handed in) were hanging out of the desks and spilling onto the floor.
Paul participated in all classroom discussions, sharing knowledge and
demonstrating understanding of concepts beyond his peers. However,
his writing was below grade level. Written papers consisted of short
sentences, lowâ•‚level vocabulary, many spelling mistakes, and no elabo-

387
388 parenting gifted children

ration of ideas. Certainly, his written work was not consistent with
his verbal ability.
Paul’s parents began to really worry as his grades dropped and
teachers began to comment on behavior issues. Why was this bright
child not doing his work? More alarming, he was very frustrated with
school and his love of learning was diminishing along with their hopes
and dreams for college. What should parents do when their gifted
child’s lack of achievement results in failing grades?
Sally’s parents were equally concerned with her progress in school.
During her preschool years she was not as verbal as her brothers and
sisters. It was difficult to understand her speech because she mispro-
nounced words. Testing with the Child Find project in the local school
district at age 4 showed there were sizable discrepancies among her
skills in various areas. She was more than 2 years ahead in some, and
more than 2 years behind in others. In elementary school, she appeared
to her teachers to be an average student. Sally’s parents were concerned
because they knew how hard she was working to get average grades.
Learning basic skills seemed to be so difficult for Sally! She couldn’t
remember letter sounds and consequently had difficulty sounding out
words. Sally could solve really difficult puzzles and demonstrated excep-
tional skills in problem solving and critical thinking; in those areas,
she was superior to her brothers and sisters who had been identified as
gifted. Some people suspected a learning disability, but teachers were
not concerned because she was doing average work and her composite
scores on assessments were average, so she did not qualify for special
education services. Sally’s attitude alarmed her parents. She used to
be very outgoing and now was an unhappy loner. At school she was
quiet and compliant, but at home she exhibited severe anxiety and had
almost daily emotional “meltdowns.” She even mentioned a couple of
times that she “wanted to go to heaven.” Sally’s parents became really
concerned about their daughter, but they didn’t know what to do.
Both of these children demonstrate characteristics of gifted stu-
dents with disabilities. Their school experience will be challenging
because hidden disabilities can make aspects of academic achieve-
ment difficult for these gifted learners. Inconsistent performance,
incomplete assignments, disorganization, and behavior problems can
 Parenting Twice‑Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success 389

be indicators of learning problems. Not only does the disability influ-

ence their academic performance in school, but it can intensify social-
emotional risk factors. In my role as a twiceâ•‚exceptional consultant,
I have become increasingly aware of the interrelationship between
academic achievement and social-emotional factors. Behavior problems
can result from the frustration of trying to deal with two exception-
alities. Twiceâ•‚exceptional children can become very depressed when
they set unrealistic goals for themselves or feel they are not meeting
the expectations of their parents and teachers. Because they have both
the characteristics of gifted children and also those of children with
disabilities, they can have a difficult time relating to peers in either
group. Parenting these children can be a challenge!

What Does It Mean to Be Twice-Exceptional?

The term twiceâ•‚exceptional signifies the presence of a disability and

gifted potential. Twiceâ•‚exceptional learners have the characteristics of
gifted students with potential for high performance, along with the
characteristics of students with disabilities who struggle with many
aspects of learning. Typically, these students have superior vocabulary,
advanced ideas, a wide range of interests and opinions, and are highly
creative with a sophisticated sense of humor. At the same time, their
academic performance can be inconsistent and they lack organiza-
tional skills. Twiceâ•‚exceptional children often can appear stubborn,
opinionated, and argumentative, yet they also can be highly sensitive
to criticism. Combine this with the extreme frustration gifted learners
feel when they cannot meet their own and others’ expectations, the
frustrations of teachers who cannot understand why bright children
do not achieve, and the frustrations of parents who are trying to deal
with unhappy, angry, often depressed children, and the stage is set for
conflict, misunderstandings, and failure in school.
A wide range of hidden disabilities can influence the school per-
formance of twiceâ•‚exceptional learners. Auditory processing deficits
can cause difficulty in decoding words, spelling, and sentence structure.
These learners have a hard time following oral direction and learning
390 parenting gifted children

from lectures. Visual processing problems can affect reading com-

prehension and students’ ability to copy information from the board.
Deficits in visual/motor coordination and sequential processing can
cause problems with handwriting. Sequential processing weakness
influences reading speed and fluency along with ability to sound out
words or remember formulas and steps. Executive functioning involves
the learner’s ability to plan, organize, and prioritize; learners with dif-
ficulties in this area struggle to coordinate multiple tasks simultaneously.
Slower processing speed results in shortâ•‚term memory and longâ•‚term
memory retrieval problems when time pressures are in place. Cognitive
disabilities diminish the brain’s ability to process information. These
hidden disabilities can cause children to struggle when learning to read,
write, or memorize math facts, and can limit their ability to sustain
attention or remember verbal instructions.
Twiceâ•‚exceptional students are difficult to identify for a num-
ber of reasons. The student’s strengths can mask weaknesses and the
weaknesses can mask the strengths, creating a unique learner profile
that is atypical of either a gifted student or a student with disabilities.
Twiceâ•‚exceptional students do not want anyone to know they have
problems with some aspect of learning, and they use their gifted char-
acteristics to hide their learning problems. It is not uncommon for the
disability and the potential to both go unnoticed. Gifted students can
underachieve for years before their performance falls below grade-
level expectations and their disability is recognized. Some students
are never identified for either gifted or special education program-
ming. Stereotypical notions about learning disabilities and giftedness
can impede identification and programming for both their disability
and their giftedness. Parents and teachers need to be alert to hidden
disabilities and the influence it can have on learning.

What Do We Need to Understand?

When gifted students’ achievement falls below expectations, teach-

ers and parents often attribute it to lack of effort. Expectations that
gifted learners have similar abilities in all content areas can result in
 Parenting Twice‑Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success 391

the assumption that these students are not putting forward a reason-
able amount of effort. Twiceâ•‚exceptional learners can appear unmoti-
vated and lazy, or even defiant and oppositional, as they make minimal
progress on assignments. Reactions toward students perceived as lazy
are quite different from the more empathetic approach students with
disabilities usually receive. What twiceâ•‚exceptional students need most
is encouragement. These highâ•‚potential students have a strong desire
to be successful, but they lack the skills they need to achieve that suc-
cess. Telling twiceâ•‚exceptional learners they could get good grades, if
only they would try harder, often heightens their anxiety level and only
makes the situation worse.
Social or emotional issues resulting from dealing with the two
exceptionalities can have a greater influence on achievement than
the disability. Twiceâ•‚exceptional students can be caught in a cycle
of perfectionism, avoidance, and procrastination. Perfectionism can
be a positive trait when it challenges the children to achieve higher
goals. Dysfunctional perfectionism can result in paralyzing anxiety,
selfâ•‚criticism, and fear of failure; in that situation, students do not see
mistakes as part of the learning process. An example of this is Paula
who received an “A-” on her report card in writing. For 2 weeks she
did not hand in a writing assignment; she worked for hours trying to
write sentences for her spelling words, but none of her sentences were
good enough. She cried every morning on her way to school and com-
plained that her teacher hated her. It was not until her teacher told her
that she had given her an “A-” to leave room for growth that Paula was
able to write with confidence again. John received a failing grade on
a homework assignment for not following directions. For months he
completed all of the required homework but never handed in a single
assignment. He was afraid of getting another failing grade for not
following directions. In his mind, it was better to not hand it in than
to risk getting a low grade.
392 parenting gifted children

How Parents Can Empower Their Children

As parents, you can empower your twiceâ•‚exceptional children to

overcome their disability or through your own actions foster learned
helplessness. Twiceâ•‚exceptional children have high potential, but that
potential will not be realized unless you support their social and emo-
tional development and help them learn to cope with their mixed abili-
ties. It is difficult to watch your children struggle and some parents
will rush in to rescue their children from failure. However, rescuing
children decreases their selfâ•‚esteem because it supports their feelings
that they are incapable of meeting the challenges of school without
their parents’ help. Conversely, selfâ•‚esteem increases when children
learn to deal with their disability and frustrations. If twiceâ•‚exceptional
children realize they can successfully overcome their challenges, they
will grow up to become successful adults. Avoid the temptation to focus
on your child’s challenge areas. Instead, use the following strategies to
promote positive social and emotional development.

Create a Safe Home Environment

Twiceâ•‚exceptional children need a safe, nurturing home environ-

ment because school can be such a frustrating experience. Home must
be a place where children can regroup and recharge. A friendly greeting
at the door, a favorite snack, or a note in a lunch box telling children
how special they are can reassure children. Spending time together
working on a favorite project can make children feel loved and valued.
Some twiceâ•‚exceptional students are able to control their frustration
at school, but their frustration becomes very apparent when they arrive
home. Participating in a sport after school like swimming or going on
a bike ride can give these children an opportunity to release builtâ•‚up
anger and frustrations. Children learn more from their parent’s example
than their words.
If you value the unique characteristics of family members, your
children will learn to value their own individual characteristics and
those of others. Children need to share in family responsibilities and be
included in family planning and decision making. Each family mem-
 Parenting Twice‑Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success 393

ber must feel that he or she contributes to the family and his or her
contribution is valued.

Nurture Strengths and Interests

Nurturing children’s strengths and interests increases their confi-

dence and resilience. As children experience success in their strength
area, they become more confident in their abilities. Encouraging children
to explore their interests will excite their inner passions and motivate
them to become lifelong learners. Children are more likely to persist
through difficult times in school if they have acknowledged strengths to
counterbalance the challenges. You can nurture your children’s strengths
and interest in four ways. First, support your children’s exploration by
planning trips to the library, museum, planetarium, etc. Second, provide
the material and resources the children need for their exploration. Third,
search out groups, organizations, or other children with whom your
children can share their interests. Finally, nurture your own passions and
share your interests with your children; be a model of lifelong learning.

Foster a “Yes, I Can” Attitude

Helping children to understand that success is achieved as a result

of effort and that failure is likely to result from lack of effort, can pro-
mote the development of a “Yes, I can” attitude. Children who learn
that they can be successful if they put forth a reasonable amount of
effort will learn to persist through the difficult times. Children who
learn to equate success with effort will become achievers. Those who
attribute success to luck and failure to lack of ability will become under-
achievers. Help your children make the connection between hard work
and success by praising their efforts, not their ability. When children
engage in negative selfâ•‚talk, ask them to stop, to take three deep breaths,
and to visualize a specific time when they were successful. Children
must understand that making mistakes is part of the learning process.
You can become positive role models for your children in dealing with
perfectionism. Help your children understand that you, too, sometimes
fail when learning a new skill.
394 parenting gifted children

Support the Development of Compensatory Strategies

Successful twiceâ•‚exceptional students develop strategies to com-

pensate for their areas of challenge. Use graphic organizers to help
children organize their thoughts, homework assignments, and proj-
ects. Many graphic organizers are available in books, or to download
free from the Internet. Encourage the use of technology to increase
productivity. Word processing programs make it easier for students to
edit their work and produce an impressive finished product. Software
programs like Inspiration can help students create their own graphic
organizers to plan for projects and written assignments. The graphic
organizers can be converted to a linear outline with the click of a
button. Spell checkers and grammar checkers are useful tools when
editing papers. PDA/handheld devices and computer programs like
Microsoft’s Outlook can help students organize their time and projects.
Help your children learn to organize homework by showing them
how to create a “to-do list” and helping them prioritize what needs to
be done. Show children how to break the work into shorter segments.
Having children estimate how long each segment will take, and then
using a timer to document how long it actually took, will help them
learn time management. Crossing off each task as it is completed helps
children develop a sense of accomplishment. At the end of a homework
session, be certain that the child puts the completed homework in a
folder in his or her backpack and places the backpack in a convenient
location for the morning departure. Allowing your children to do an
activity of their choice for fun when their homework is finished also
can motivate them to be more focused in their work.

Promote Positive Coping Strategies

Twiceâ•‚exceptional children can become very adept at manipulat-

ing situations to avoid failure. They can take on the persona of a rebel
who is “too smart” to complete the assignment that is “too boring” or
“too stupid.” Others may become the class clown because it is better
to be asked to leave the class for clowning around than to fail in front
 Parenting Twice‑Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success 395

of peers. Avoidance, distancing, and learned helplessness are negative

coping strategies. You can empower your children by encouraging the
development of positive coping strategies such as accepting responsibil-
ity for their actions instead of blaming others. Through conversations
with your children, you can help them reappraise a situation and deal
with unrealistic expectations. Encourage children to seek the support
they need and help them to become selfâ•‚advocates.

Cultivate Resiliency

Risk and resiliency factors are variables that can affect outcomes in
a positive or negative way. A learning disability and social-emotional
issues are risk factors, while strong family ties, friendships with peers,
and relationships with a caring adult help children become more resil-
ient. The home can be a protective setting, helping to reduce the impact
of other risk factors. On the other hand, unsupportive home environ-
ments can compound the risk factors for students. A home environment
that provides opportunities for children to develop their strengths and
independence cultivates resilience. Seek opportunities for your children
to connect with peers of similar ability and interests. Use humor to
help children realize that defeat sometimes provides opportunities to
cultivate resilience.

Coach Realistic Goal Setting

To sustain motivation, children must believe their efforts will result

in success. Learning to set realistic goals can influence achievement
positively and reduce frustration. You can be instrumental in coaching
your child to select realistic shortâ•‚ and longâ•‚term goals.
•â•¢ Start with a goal the child will be able to achieve in a short
period of time. Together plan the steps necessary to attain
the goal and map those steps on a flow chart. When the goal
is achieved, celebrate success and appraise the steps used to
accomplish the results.
•â•¢ As your child becomes comfortable with shortâ•‚term goals, help
him or her take a longâ•‚term goal and divide it into several
396 parenting gifted children

shortâ•‚term goals. Likewise, learning to break down longâ•‚term

projects into shorter segments will increase the chances the
projects will be completed on time and will decrease the prob-
ability children will become overwhelmed. When children
integrate academic goals into their life goals, this will increase
their intrinsic motivation.
•â•¢ Begin career exploration during late elementary and early
middle school. Encourage your high schooler to investigate
educational requirements for his or her main career interests
and visit university websites to determine entrance require-
ments. Teenagers who have a defined career goal and know
the requirement to get into the college of their choice will be
more likely to persist through difficult assignments and courses.

Encourage Children to Become Independent Learners

Preparing children for the future is an important part of your role

as a parent. Make efforts to foster a love for learning and cultivate
independence in your children so they will develop the skills needed
to become successful adults. Instead of trying to protect your children
from negative experiences, help them develop confidence in their abili-
ties by learning how to handle difficult situations. Do not overprotect
children or accept responsibility for their problems. Allow children to
learn from natural consequences early in their life so they develop the
skills they need to make decisions in later years. As children mature,
step back and give them more control. Support your children actively
during their struggles and celebrate their successes.

How Can Parents Advocate for Their Children?

Twiceâ•‚exceptional children need parents to advocate for them, but

you must do it with great care. It is so much easier to advocate for your
children if you have a good working relationship with teachers before
there is a problem. Teachers appreciate the help of parents to improve
 Parenting Twice‑Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success 397

educational opportunities for all students. Become actively involved in

the school by participating in PTA and school committees. Volunteer
your time to assist with activities or help in the computer lab, class-
room, or media center. Work with other parents to support the efforts
of teachers and school staff with thank-you notes, flowers, or teacher
appreciation luncheons or breakfasts. It is easier for you to advocate for
your children when you have a good relationship with teachers and staff.
When you become aware of a developing problem, follow these
simple steps:
•â•¢ Always approach problems as an opportunity to learn and
model for your children positive ways of dealing with dif-
ficult situations. Clarify the issues and try to get a sense of
the real problem by discussing it thoroughly with your child.
This is easier said than done because children sometimes do
not understand their feelings. It is best to be nonjudgmental,
rephrasing and repeating back what your child is telling you.
Both you and your child will gain a clearer understanding of
the problem (and your feelings) through this process.
•â•¢ When you are convinced that you have all of the facts, approach
the teacher with care and sensitivity to schedule a meeting at
a time that is convenient for both of you. Do not just drop by
school and begin this conversation. Be sure to arrive at the
scheduled meeting on time with the intent of keeping the
conversation a positive learning exchange.
•â•¢ At the meeting start with positive comments about the school
and the teacher. Communicate your concern as clearly as pos-
sible without blame. Keep the focus on your children’s aca-
demic and social-emotional needs. Come prepared to share
specific examples related to your concerns.
•â•¢ Be sure to express a willingness to help resolve the problem and
work collaboratively toward a positive solution. Plan together
to determine the responsibilities for you, your child, and the
teacher. Determine a reasonable timeline for evaluating prog-
ress. After the conference, keep the lines of communication
open and schedule a followâ•‚up meeting.
398 parenting gifted children

Conclusion

School can be a very frustrating experience for gifted students with

disabilities, their parents, and their teachers. As parents, you can play
an important role in helping your children understand and learn to
cope with their mixed abilities, to understand their own unique set of
individual strengths, challenges, and interests, and to learn and apply
strategies to build resilience. Through your actions, you can empower
your children to overcome their disabilities and to persist through
their frustration. Advocate for your children by working collaboratively
with the school. In these ways, you can parent your twiceâ•‚exceptional
children through frustration to success.

Resources

Baum, S., & Owens, S. V. (2004). To be gifted and learning disabled: Strategies
for helping bright students with LD, ADHD, and more. Mansfield Center,
CT: Creative Learning Press.
Kay, K. (2000). Uniquely gifted: Identifying and meeting the needs of twice-
exceptional students. Gilsum, NH: Avocus.
Strip, C. A., & Hirsch, G. (2000). Helping gifted children soar: A practical guide
for parents and teachers. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Webb, J. T., Amend, E. R., Webb, N. E., Goerss, J., Beljan, P., & Olenchak,
F. R. (2004). Misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children an adults:
ADHD, bipolar, OCD, Asperger’s, depression, and other disorders. Scottsdale,
AZ: Great Potential Press.
Weinfeld, R., Barnes-Robinson, L., Jeweler, S., & Roffman Shevitz, B. (2006).
Smart kids with learning difficulties: Overcoming obstacles and realizing
potential. Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
 Chapter 40
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity
Disorder: A Difficult Diagnosis
by Sylvia Rimm

A
reader from St. George, UT, writes: “My child has been
diagnosed with attention-deficit-disorder, and I can’t get
anyone to really explain what this is. How do I know if the
diagnosis is correct? What are the symptoms of this disorder?
Does my son have to take drugs to control it?”
Many parents of gifted children who have school-related problems
have been told by teachers that their children may have attention deficit
disorders. Parents struggle with whether or not to ask physicians to
provide medication for the problem and are not sure how to determine
if their children truly have the disorder. The problem is exacerbated
because the symptoms may be caused biochemically, environmentally,
or both.
Teachers also are uncertain whether or not to suggest that an atten-
tion disorder may be at the root of a student’s problems. Several teachers
of gifted children report that high percentages (as much as 30%–50%)
of children in their special classes receive medication for Attention
Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
It is important for parents to know what symptoms of ADHD
to look for because their ability to communicate observations will be
important for diagnosis purposes. There are two types of ADHD: inat-
tentive and hyperactive-impulsive. The characteristics of both types are
listed in Figure 40.1. The greatest problem with the characteristics is
that they also describe many typical children and many gifted children.

399
400 parenting gifted children

Characteristics of ADHD Inattentive Type

• Inattentiveness
• Forgetfulness
• Disorganization
• Carelessness
• Lack of follow through
• Easily distracted
• Poor listening
• Daydreaming

Characteristics of ADHD Hyperactive-Impulsive Type

• Fidgety
• Restless
• Overactive
• Excessively talkative
• Difficulty with waiting turns
• Intrusive (interrupts)
• Impulsive (talks or acts without thinking)

Figure 40.1. Characteristics of each type of ADHD.

As a matter of fact, some of them are typical of gifted children, so it

is important not to make the mistake of assuming your children have
ADHD unless:
•â•¢ They show many of these symptoms.
•â•¢ The symptoms are extreme.
•â•¢ The symptoms began before age 7.
•â•¢ The symptoms are present in more than one environment (e.g.,
home and school).

Actual diagnosis of this disorder should be made by a qualified
and experienced professional. Psychologists, psychiatrists, pediatri-
cians, or counselors are typically trained to make an ADHD diagnosis.
Medication should not be used for diagnosis. Children without ADHD
also may seem to have an improved attention span with medication
but they should not be given it because of potential side effects. To
 Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder 401

compound the confusion, there is no definitive test for ADHD. Instead,

observation checklists based on the characteristics of the disorder are
administered to parents and teachers, and the results are reviewed by
an appropriate mental health professional. It also is helpful to observe
children in their school environment. When an objective professional
compares a child’s behavior to that of other children, and notices the
positive and negative attention the child attracts, it can help to deter-
mine if the child’s symptoms are caused biologically or environmentally.

Other Causes of ADHD-Like Symptoms

To determine if your child has a true attention deficit disorder, you

have to be aware of other life events that may produce similar symptoms.
These include allergies, inappropriate school curriculum (e.g., undiag-
nosed learning disabilities or lack of challenge); too much positive or
negative attention at home or school; traumatic experiences at home
(e.g., divorce, illnesses, accidents); extreme sibling rivalry; parents giving
children too much power; or parents inconsistently applying family rules.
Some of the special characteristics of giftedness can be misinter-
preted as ADHD behavior. Many gifted children have high energy
and some seem to need little sleep. They can manage complexity and
may be involved in more than one project at a time. Therefore, it may
seem like they are inattentive because they can attend to so much at
once. In addition, verbally gifted children often receive much attention
for their verbosity, which encourages them to use continuous talk to
attract attention. They may talk out of turn and talk too much. Also,
the intellectual needs of gifted children often are not met in the regular
classroom, which leads many gifted children to pay little attention to
their lessons out of boredom.
You may wish to make some changes in your home environment
before seeking professional help. Some changes you can make at home
include:
•â•¢ Structure your child’s time positively.
•â•¢ Encourage your child’s interests.
402 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Be sure your child is sufficiently intellectually stimulated at

home and school.
•â•¢ Minimize roughhousing but provide appropriate, physically
stimulating outlets like sports.
•â•¢ Eliminate violent television and computer games.
•â•¢ Communicate with and support the child’s school.
•â•¢ Avoid saying negative things in front of the child about him
or her.
•â•¢ Develop consistent household rules of conduct and discipline.
•â•¢ Follow through firmly with appropriate consequences.

Next Steps

If the problems continue after observing your child’s behavior and

making changes in your home environment, you may need to consider
medication or other treatment. Consult a mental health professional
who will work with you, your child, and the school. Be sure the mental
health professional has knowledge and experience in the field of atten-
tion deficit disorders and does not have a reputation for overdiagnosing
the disorder.
If your child is diagnosed as having ADHD, he or she can be
treated with behavioral psychotherapy and a stimulant medication such
as Ritalin or Adderall. However, don’t hurry to your doctors to ask for
medication even if your child’s characteristics match those on the list.
Try behavioral changes first. Medications can have side effects such as
sleeplessness and loss of appetite. There is no long-term research that
finds that children’s achievement improves with the use of medication.
The medications should only be used with careful supervision by a phy-
sician. For some children who have severe symptoms, medication can
be very helpful for control of both attention and impulsivity. Sometimes
medication is only needed temporarily. For others it continues to be
important through adulthood. It is important to have periodic monitor-
ing. Remember, medication alone is not enough. You and your children
also need to make some behavioral and environmental changes.
 Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder 403

Suggestions for Teachers

Below are some suggestions for teachers to use with children who
exhibit behavior problems or show symptoms of ADHD:
•â•¢ Use moderate praise words to encourage children when you find
them behaving well. The praise should be geared to the char-
acteristics you are trying to encourage (e.g., gentle, kind, car-
ing, sharing, good thinking, loving, good helper, persevering,
good concentration, creative thinking). Extreme praise may
be counterproductive.
•â•¢ Handle inappropriate behavior privately. Overt negative com-
ments will only trigger more negative behavior. It is not always
possible to ignore or signal children privately without drawing
negative attention, but it will be helpful in the long run.
•â•¢ Develop a “time-out” policy. Explain to children how you plan to
use the time-out when they are in a good frame of mind. You
also can permit them to use time-out voluntarily if they feel
they need a little time to themselves. Quietly escorting them
to time-out will be appropriate if they are out of control. Be
sure they understand that it is your way of helping them to get
themselves under control and that it will not be for very long.
If the child has hurt another, have him apologize to the child
privately after time-out.
•â•¢ Use a sticker or star system to reward good days. The stickers can
be awarded at home where they can be placed on a calendar
or in a sticker book so children can see their improvement.
Again, this sticker system should be private with absolutely no
class attention. Do not ask the class to help the child with his
problems. It may make children’s problems worse.
•â•¢ Using positive signals is another helpful way to encourage children’s
concentration. Explain to the child that you are watching how
well he is concentrating and paying attention. When you notice
him working hard, you might wink your eye at him or scratch
your head (pick one). Although no one else will know, he will
know that you’ve noticed his good behavior. He will feel as if
you are watching for his good behavior, and it should increase.
404 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Be sure to provide appropriately challenging materials. Gifted chil-

dren are sometimes uneven in their abilities and may seem
challenged part of the time but become bored when material
they’ve learned long ago is retaught.

There is much that parents and teachers can do to help children
with ADHD control their symptoms and outbursts. If medication
becomes necessary, make sure that it is administered judiciously by a
professional with experience treating ADHD.
 Chapter 41
Parenting Gifted Children
With ADHD
by Sidney M. Moon

O
ne of the most neglected subpopulations of gifted stu-
dents with multiple exceptionalities is gifted children with
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I first
became interested in gifted children with ADHD when
one of my sons was diagnosed with ADHD in middle school. The
diagnosis transformed my son’s life. Behaviors, habits, and frustrations
that had been inexplicable suddenly made sense to both my son and
I. For example, we understood for the first time why he had so much
difficulty staying in his seat at meal times and why he was underachiev-
ing in school. Perhaps more importantly, we had a direction for the
development of coping strategies. Once my son understood the nature
of his disorder, he was able to use his intelligence to develop strategies
to overcome it. Over the next 6 years, he transformed himself into a
well-adjusted, well-disciplined, and high-achieving college student
with a large circle of friends.
My experience with my son was further reinforced in my fam-
ily counseling practice where I specialized in working with families
of gifted children. I found that most of the families who came to
me for help had children with multiple exceptionalities and that the
most frequent additional exceptionality was ADHD. As I worked with
these families during a period of 10 years, I experienced firsthand their
frustrations with both the behavioral effects of the disorder and the
inability of schools to meet their child’s needs.

405
406 parenting gifted children

To learn more about the characteristics of gifted children with

ADHD, I worked with a colleague with expertise in ADHD to design
a comparative case study. The purpose of our study was to compare
the characteristics of three boys with both giftedness and ADHD to
boys who had only one of the two exceptionalities. In other words,
we compared gifted boys with ADHD to three gifted boys without
ADHD and three boys with ADHD whose intelligence was in the
average range. We focused our study on the learning characteristics
of the students and their emotional, social, and family characteristics.
We found that the gifted children in our study with ADHD were quite
vulnerable to social-emotional adjustment problems. Their emotional
difficulties included immaturity, emotionality, and struggles coping
with the large gap between their delayed social-emotional development
and their advanced cognitive development. Social problems included
annoying and/or aggressive social behavior and difficulties handling
peer rejection.
The social-emotional difficulties experienced by the boys with
ADHD and giftedness in our study were judged by our research team
to be more severe than those experienced by all three boys with ADHD
alone and much more severe than those experienced by the other two
boys with giftedness alone. The remaining gifted boy was experienc-
ing social-emotional difficulties we attributed to a recent divorce and
remarriage. To put it simply, the boys with giftedness and ADHD in
our study were experiencing a lot of stress, as were their families.
Parenting strategies that seemed to help buffer the stress were dif-
ferent for participants who were intellectually gifted than for other par-
ticipants. Parents of the gifted boys reported that their child was helped
by one-on-one conversations about rules and the reasons for them,
nurturing the child’s creativity, and encouraging independence. Parents
of the boys with average intelligence, on the other hand, reported
that their children were helped by shared family activities such as
fishing, wrestling, playing games, going for drives, or attending car
shows. These differences may have been due to differences in stimula-
tion preferences in the two groups. All of the boys with ADHD also
needed higher than normal levels of stimulation for optimal function-
ing, which is typical of children with ADHD. However, the boys with
 Parenting Gifted Children With ADHD 407

ADHD and average intelligence preferred concrete, sensory, and social

stimulation (e.g., sports, building things, computers, group learning),
whereas the intellectually gifted boys with ADHD preferred cognitive,
language-based, and imaginative stimulation (e.g., learning, reading,
creative dramatics).
Unfortunately, intellectual giftedness did not protect our participants
from the problems associated with ADHD. Indeed, all six boys with
ADHD had similar difficulties getting on track (organizing, attending
to and following directions, starting the day, starting text-based assign-
ments), staying on track (failing to sustain attention or work production,
underachievement), and managing group work and homework. Such
difficulties are typical in children with attention deficits and often appear
to adults to represent lack of motivation when they really result from
impairments in the brain circuits responsible for self-regulation. The
boys with giftedness alone, on the other hand, liked school and had
excellent attentional profiles, with the exception of one boy who was
experiencing considerable family stress. In summary, boys with gifted-
ness and ADHD in our study had difficulty succeeding academically
and socially in classrooms designed for gifted students where most of
their gifted peers had strong self-regulatory and social abilities.
The National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented commis-
sioned Felice Kaufmann, Layne Kalbfleisch, and Xavier Castellanos to
write a monograph answering the question “What do we really know
about attention deficit disorders and gifted students?” Their monograph
stressed that researchers have neglected this population of students so
we don’t yet know as much as we need to know to help them. What we
do know is that it is vital to identify gifted children with ADHD early
and accurately in order to maximize their potential and prevent them
from being misunderstood by adults and themselves. They concluded
their monograph with 10 recommendations for working with intel-
lectually gifted children who have been identified by a comprehensive
assessment as having ADHD.
The following five of their recommendations are particularly rel-
evant to parents.
1. Explore multiple perspectives in your pursuit of information about
ADHD. The literature on gifted children with ADHD is still
408 parenting gifted children

growing and very few school personnel are trained to work with
them, so parents need to inform themselves. The best way to
do this is to learn about the characteristics of giftedness and
ADHD, noting which characteristics from each exceptionality
seem relevant to your child (see resources at the end of this
article).
2. Become familiar with a variety of educational and behavioral strat-
egies to determine which combinations might be effective for the
individual child. My own experience in working with gifted
children with ADHD suggests that “what works” is very indi-
vidualized. Therefore, parents and children need to be creative
in thinking of possible coping strategies. This requires both
knowledge of the workings of ADHD and a lot of experi-
mentation to determine the strategies that will be successful
for a particular child. For example, the need of the ADHD
child for additional stimulation when working on routine tasks
might be met by listening to music and/or watching television
while working, taking frequent activity breaks, or trying to
accomplish a certain amount of work before a 3-minute egg
timer goes off. Parents can suggest some of these strategies
and then encourage their child to try them on an experimental
basis. Because all strategies tend to have a short shelf-life with
this population (i.e., they stop working when the novelty wears
off), the process may need to be repeated frequently.
3. Be cautious about promises of “quick fixes”—whether behavioral,
educational, or medical. ADHD is a real disorder that cannot
be “cured,” only managed. There are no quick fixes. Persistence
and patience are needed to help a child with ADHD overcome
his or her disability.
4. Be aware that individuals with ADHD have their greatest difficul-
ties in the “output” stage of cognitive processing. This recommenda-
tion points to one of the greatest frustrations experienced by
these children and those who care about them. They can plan
but they can’t implement. They have the will but not the way.
They set goals but can’t achieve them. Their disorder affects
their ability to self-regulate and to output what they know.
 Parenting Gifted Children With ADHD 409

Parents need to understand that gifted children with ADHD

may lag 2 to 4 years behind gifted children without the disor-
der in their ability to self-monitor, handle long-term projects,
and keep track of their belongings. Parents can help by work-
ing with their child to identify “small steps” they can take to
improve these abilities and by being patient with slow progress.
5. Model and support the process of “ knowing thyself.” This may be the
most important recommendation for parents of gifted children
with ADHD. To be successful in life, these children must
come to know themselves very well. They must recognize and
celebrate their strengths while finding ways to compensate for
their weaknesses. Yet gaining self-knowledge is difficult for
them due to the nature of their disorder. They need emotional
support, accurate feedback, and positive modeling to under-
stand and accept themselves.

In my experience, parents are absolutely crucial to the development
of gifted children with ADHD. Parents know the whole child. They
have observed their child’s development and characteristics firsthand
over many years. They are in the best position to provide the uncondi-
tional love and patient support that are so essential to these children. If
you suspect that your child demonstrates both high ability and ADHD,
don’t assume that you have to proceed entirely on your own, or that the
school will recognize the challenge easily. Do not hesitate to express
your concerns to your child’s teacher, principal, or counselor, or to
make an appointment to discuss your child’s behavior with the gifted
education coordinator or special education director. Share with them
the behavior that you are observing in your child, and ask for their
assistance and support. The recommended resources at the end of this
article provide a starting point for parents who want to learn more
about ADHD in order to better understand and nurture their child,
or who want to share information with concerned educators.
410 parenting gifted children

Resources

Books

Barkley, R. A. (2000). Taking charge of ADHD: The complete, authoritative

guide for parents (Rev. ed.). New York, NY: Guilford.
Cohen, M. W. (1998). The attention zone: A parents’ guide to Attention Deficit/
Hyperactivity Disorder. Washington, DC: Routledge.
Fowler, M. (2006). Attention deficit disorders: Educator’s manual (2nd ed.).
Fairfax, VA: Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorders.
Garber, S. W., Garber, M. D., & Spizman, R. F. (1996). Beyond Ritalin: Facts
about medication and other strategies for helping children, adolescents, and
adults with attention deficit disorders. New York, NY: Harper Perennial.
Iseman, J. S., Silverman, S. M., & Jeweler, S. (2010). 101 school success tools
for students with ADHD. Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Kaufmann, F., Kalbfleisch, M. L., & Castellanos, F. X. (2000). Attention
deficit disorders and gifted students: What do we really know? (RM00146).
Storrs: University of Connecticut, The National Research Center on the
Gifted and Talented.
Reif, S. F. (1993). How to reach and teach ADD/ADHD children: Practical strategies,
and interventions for helping children with attention problems and hyperactivity.
West Nyack, NY: The Center for Applied Research in Education.
Silverman, S. M., Iseman, J. S., & Jeweler, S. (2009). School success for kids
with ADHD. Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.

Websites

Attention Deficit Disorder Association—http://www.add.org

CHADD: Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder—
http://www.chadd.org
MentalHelp.Net—http://www.mentalhelp.net
National Institute of Mental Health—http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
 Part VIII
Social and Emotional Needs
by Maureen Neihart and Liang See Tan

R
esearch findings show that the influence of home is greater
than the school. A home environment can contribute to the
growth of gifted and talented individuals by building mental
energy and psychological resources that, in turn, enable gifted
individuals to face challenges either in school or life. In this section,
the authors examine the social and emotional needs of gifted children
and the various roles parents and family play in meeting those needs.
You may be surprised to learn that the phrase, “social and emotional
needs of the gifted” is relatively new. It was first used around 1980
when a series of circumstances prompted a surge of renewed interest in
the social and emotional development of high-ability children. In the
collection of chapters that follow, you will take a tour through some
of the major themes and guiding questions that have dominated the
literature during the past 30 years.
All of the chapters build on a foundational understanding that the
environment plays a pivotal but complex role in nurturing children’s
gifts and talents. We identified several themes among these chap-
ters. The themes include the ways a gifted child’s uneven development
(asynchrony) impacts parenting, characteristics of gifted children that

411
412 parenting gifted children

are sometimes a concern (e.g., perfectionism, high sensitivity), gender-

specific strategies, and the importance of parents modeling the behav-
iors and attitudes that they want to develop in their children.
The chapters in this section have been divided into eight loose cat-
egories: general issues of social-emotional development with chapters
by Beth Andrews and Henry J. Nicols and Susan Baum; asynchronous
development, featuring the Joan Franklin Smutny chapter; gender, with
chapters contributed by Sally Reis, Thomas Hébert, and Leighann
Pennington; a chapter by Sylvia Rimm on underachievement; social
responsibility chapters by Joseph S. Renzulli and his colleagues, Rachel
E. Sytsma and Robin M. Schader, and Barbara A. Lewis; a look at
depression and suicide by Andrea Dawn Frazier and Tracy L. Cross;
chapters on counseling by Jean Sunde Peterson and Andrew Mahoney;
and finally, a chapter on perfectionism by Michael Pyryt. The chapters
also cross these boundaries to cover various aspects of social-emotional
development, as discussed below.
Three of the chapters provide broad frameworks for parenting gifted
children but from different viewpoints. In his chapter on “Developing
Giftedness for a Better World,” Renzulli and his associates identify
six factors that impact giftedness: optimism, courage, sensitivity to
human concerns, physical/mental energy, vision/sense of destiny, and
romance with a topic of discipline. These complex elements support
cognitive growth such as academic achievement, research skills, cre-
ativity, and problem-solving skills. Mahoney offers a conceptual map
that includes four components—validation, affirmation, affiliation, and
affinity—and explains how parents can answer a series of four questions
to guide them in creating a “good fit” for their child. Peterson looks
at the parallel development of parents and children and discusses how
parents can model effective coping behaviors in their children. These
authors recommend practical steps parents can take to effectively meet
the social and emotional needs of their gifted children. All of them
stress the value and need of parental modeling, particularly when it
comes to serving others, and appropriate risk taking.
Four of the chapters in this collection explore topics of common
concern to parents: stress, depression/suicide, underachievement, and
perfectionism. For instance, in their chapter on “High Achievers—
 Social and Emotional Needs 413

Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed,” Nicols and Baum describe

physiological and psychological manifestations of stress as high achiev-
ers striving for excellence. Popular psychologist Sylvia Rimm explains
how well-meaning overempowerment can lead to underachievement in
some families, and Michael Pyryt offers parents five broad strategies
they can adopt to help their children make the most of their perfection-
ism. Finally, Frazier and Cross clarify the facts about gifted children
and suicide, stressing that the evidence doesn’t suggest gifted children
have any greater risk and cautioning parents to not expect extremes in
behavior as the norm for gifted children.
Differences in gifted boys’ and girls’ social and emotional develop-
ment also are frequent themes across many of the chapters in this collec-
tion. Hébert’s chapter about enhancing communication between fathers
and their talented sons, for example, points out that the heightened
sensitivity and emotional intensity so characteristic of gifted individuals
can be potentially frightening and even painful for gifted boys if they
lack appropriate channels for understanding, expressing, and sharing
these feelings. Pennington advocates writing as a means to develop
identity and self-actualization in boys. She emphasizes that writing is
also an expressive outlet that benefits gifted boys’ social and emotional
well-being, as well as promotes critical and independent thinking skills.
Reis highlights the struggles and dilemmas that gifted and talented
girls faced growing up in her chapter, “Overcoming Barriers to Girls’
Talent Development.” The internal barriers she identifies include abili-
ties, talents, perfectionism, attributing success to luck rather than abil-
ity, poor peer choices, and a tendency to be overly self-critical. External
barriers she describes include decisions about relationships and familial
duty and caring. Although both Hébert and Pennington bring to our
attention the need to develop talented boys to express and communi-
cate feelings, Reis points out that bright girls are constantly struggling
in their female role and living in the dilemmas of balancing personal
achievement and social expectations.
Frequently, the authors mention taking action as an effective way
to combat the fears or worries gifted children may have about complex
social or environmental issues. Although school supports the growth
of cognitive attributes, parents should not leave the growth of their
414 parenting gifted children

bright children solely in the hand of the schools. Parents who take
the time to enjoy learning with their children also reap the rewards
of their effort and perseverance. Hébert and Lewis, for instance, both
discuss the role volunteering can play in reducing a child’s anxiety,
promoting empathy, and in channeling a heightened sensitivity and
advanced moral understanding into compassion and service for others.
They each include numerous practical ideas for how parents can get
started. Smutny and Andrews take different approaches to a common
concern parents of gifted children have: how to help gifted children
cope with the emotional impact of their advanced understanding and
insight about themselves and the world around them and their deep
need for a life purpose. Smutny examines the issue broadly, stressing the
potential for building resilience and courage, while Andrews focuses
more sharply on how gifted children may cope with traumatic events
they hear about or are exposed to directly.
Because there are many issues raised by the authors, reflect upon
the following questions to guide your thoughts as you read this section:
1. What comments or scenarios mentioned in these chapters reso-
nate the most with your personal experience?
2. What are the strengths, weaknesses, and learning profiles of
your children?
3. How do you learn together as a family? What are you modeling?
4. Do you think the authors’ recommendations are good for all
children? What is it about gifted children in particular that
makes the authors’ suggestions relevant and useful?
5. In what ways did the chapters affirm what you are already
doing with and for your children? Are there any cautions you
think you need to heed? What additional steps recommended
by the authors can you take to strengthen your children’s resil-
ience and develop their talents?

Some gaps remain in our understanding of the social, emotional,
and cognitive development of gifted children. One question that remains
unanswered in the literature has to do with developmental differences
observed in gifted children. We still don’t know whether these differ-
ences are true qualitative differences or merely an expression of acceler-
 Social and Emotional Needs 415

ated development. If we were to compare a group of gifted 10-year-olds

with a group of average ability 12- or 13-year-olds, for example, would
we find that they are more similar than different? Or would we observe
characteristics in the gifted children that are not present in the older
children? A second question has to do with gender differences. Do boys
and girls face similar stressors at home? We know from numerous studies
that boys and girls have very different experiences in school and in life,
but what about in the home? Do differences persist there as well? Are
there gender differences in the definition of success? How do we help
gifted children succeed who do not have ideal parenting practices at
home? There also continues to be a great lack of understanding regarding
cultural differences in the development of gifted children. Yet we know
from the literature that enormous differences sometimes exist among
gifted children from low-income and high-income families and among
children from various cultural groups.
 Chapter 42
Raising Bright Children
in a Scary World
by Beth Andrews

B
loody images of a school shooting flashed across national news
as parents, families, and friends grieved over the tragedy at
Virginia Tech in 2007. No matter how hard we try to protect
our children, no place seems safe or exempt from violence. So,
how do we help our children cope in a capricious, unpredictable, and
sometimes very dangerous world? And how do we cope with being a
parent in such a scary world?
Sometimes I wish my daughter wasn’t quite so smart. She hears
and pays attention to things in the media long before she is emotionally
ready to deal with what they mean. I had to stop listening to the news
in the car when she was 3 because she would quiz me endlessly about
every news story and why the people did what they did. That was fine
. . . unless the news stories were about rape or murder or war. Then
she would worry about the victims, and about whether she was next.
We were living one mile from a local suburban high school when
two students walked in with machine guns and opened fire on the
student body. They killed 10 students, one teacher, and then themselves.
Many more were severely injured, and some were permanently disabled.
My daughter was 4 at the time.
My cousins had attended this high school several years before the
tragedy. It was the kind of upper middle class neighborhood where
parents move to make sure their children have a good education and
are safe from the violence of the inner city. Kids grow up there partici-

416
 Raising Bright Children in a Scary World 417

pating in soccer and Little League, and in the summer they all swim
at the neighborhood pool together. People know their neighbors and
watch each other’s kids grow up. My cousins knew the teacher who was
killed—he had been their coach. My aunt was a friend of the school
librarian and the principal.
I was at work when I heard the news. Everyone just needed to
hold his or her children close that day. I left early, picked my daughter
up at day care, and began the drive home. Traffic is usually bad in big
cities, but on this day it was worse than usual. Many of the streets were
blocked off, and there was a constant drone of sirens. The drive home
was interminable. Of course, she had endless questions about why there
were so many police cars and fire trucks.
I tried to shield her from too much news coverage, but it was
impossible. It was all anyone ever talked about. A whole community
was devastated and struggling to understand. Understand what? No
one was even sure what there was to understand. How does something
like this happen and no one sees it coming?
The entire youth group from our church was in the school when
it happened, and some of them were hospitalized. All of them were
traumatized. The parents were in shock for a long time, as was the
whole community. I’m glad I wasn’t the minister that Sunday. How do
you preach a sermon about such devastation? What can you say that
makes any sense?
As the days and weeks went by, counselors and other community
members volunteered their time to help the 2,000 kids who were in the
building that terrible day. Many of them had been hiding anywhere
they could find, desperately praying for their lives. Most had lost friends,
and some even siblings. I felt guilty about not helping, but I had a
4-year-old to think about.
She had lots of questions. Most of them hurt to answer, partly
because there was a keen awareness for every parent in the community
that it could have been their child who had died. We’d see a police car
and she’d ask, “Mommy, is that policeman going to shoot me?” “No,
honey,” I’d answer. “The policemen are there to help us and keep us
safe.” But I had doubts about whether I really believed what I was say-
ing. Certainly, no one had been able to keep these kids safe.
418 parenting gifted children

One day, she said, “Mommy, if those bad guys come to my day
care, I’m going to hide under the table and tell all my friends to hide,
too.” I felt as if a knife had stabbed me, but I had to answer calmly.
I tried to reassure her. “Well, honey, if they came to your day care,
they couldn’t get in. Remember, it’s locked.”
“But what if they had a key?”
“They couldn’t get a key. No one would give them one.”
“But what if they broke the window and got in?”
“Well, then, the staff would call the police and they would come
and protect you.”
“What if they didn’t get there soon enough?”
The questions went on and on. Finally, with no other way to reas-
sure her, I said, “Honey, those bad guys can’t come to your day care
because they are dead, too.”
She looked puzzled. “So, how did they die?”
“Am I really going to have to explain suicide to a 4-year-old?” I
thought.
I took a deep breath, and said, “Well, they shot themselves.”
Now she looked even more puzzled. “But why would they do that?”
“Because they were sick in the head,” I explained. “The important
part is that you are safe.” That seemed to satisfy her for the moment,
but it felt like a hollow promise.
The trouble is, I can’t really promise that she will be safe. Events
such as this have shattered any illusions we might have held that the
world is a safe and predictable place that includes devastating hurri-
canes, tornadoes, and tsunamis. Even worse, we live in a world where
people fly airplanes into high-rise buildings, trying to kill as many
people as they can, or blow up a building knowing that there is a day
care center in the basement. Yet in spite of our anxieties, we have to
find ways to cope and to help our children flourish.

How We Cope (or Don’t!) as Adults

Following a traumatic event, some adults will experience what

mental health professionals call Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
 Raising Bright Children in a Scary World 419

This is essentially a normal reaction to an abnormal event in which the

person is physically harmed, perceives that he or she may be harmed,
or witnesses someone else being harmed. Examples of events that can
trigger this include natural disasters, life-threatening car accidents,
being a victim of a violent crime or witnessing it, war, rape, domes-
tic violence, and childhood physical or sexual abuse. The American
Psychological Association estimates that approximately 3.6% of adults
ages 18–54 experience enough symptoms to be diagnosed with PTSD
in any given year. Symptoms of PTSD can show up even months or
years later, and typically include some of the following:
•â•¢ nightmares, which may lead to insomnia;
•â•¢ flashbacks—suddenly acting or feeling that you are back in
the traumatic situation;
•â•¢ feeling numb or flooded with feelings;
•â•¢ becoming panicked when faced with “triggers”—sights, sounds,
or smells that are reminders of the trauma;
•â•¢ exaggerated “startle response”—being jumpy and easily startled;
•â•¢ feeling detached or distant from others, withdrawing;
•â•¢ “hyper-vigilance”—being on guard or scanning the environ-
ment for danger;
•â•¢ difficulty concentrating;
•â•¢ irritability or explosive anger;
•â•¢ avoiding people or situations that are reminders of the trauma;
•â•¢ losing interest in activities that used to be fun;
•â•¢ thoughts about the trauma that intrude when you are trying
to concentrate on something else;
•â•¢ being unable to think about the future or acting as if there is
no future;
•â•¢ feeling guilty for your actions during the trauma or because
you survived when others did not; and
•â•¢ sadness, grief, or depression about what happened.

The degree of reaction depends on a number of factors including
the duration and severity of the trauma, the strength of our support
systems, and whether we have experienced other past traumas that
may be reactivated by the current event. It also matters whether it was
420 parenting gifted children

a natural or human-caused disaster. Generally human-caused traumas

are worse, especially if someone caused them we thought we could trust.
Two months after the terrorist attacks on September 11, a full
17% of the adult population in the United States experienced enough
symptoms to be diagnosed with PTSD, whether or not they were
anywhere near New York City at the time. Over the next 2 years, there
was a 49% increase in the number of suicide attempts in the U.S. due
to the chronic stress we experienced as a nation. Five years later in
2006, a National Mental Health Association study found that 50%
of all Americans and 65% of all parents in the U.S. remained fearful
about the threat of terrorism. Obviously even adults are very affected
by traumatic events, both individually and collectively as a society.
Most intriguing, however, is the fact that the majority of adults (and
children) who experience a trauma do not develop PTSD. This concept
has been labeled “resilience.” In their book Promoting Student Resiliency,
Kris Bosworth and Garry Walz defined resilience as “the ability to
succeed in the face of adversity . . . the process of self-righting and
growth . . . the capacity to meet challenges and become more capable
as a result of those experiences.” Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein in
Raising Resilient Children further described it as,

the inner strength to deal competently and successfully, day

after day, with the challenges and demands [encountered].
. . . Resilience embraces the ability . . . to deal more effectively
with stress and pressure, to cope with everyday challenges, to
bounce back from disappointments, adversity, and trauma, to
develop clear and realistic goals, to solve problems, to relate
comfortably with others, and to treat oneself and others with
respect.

In other words, it is more than just survival. It is the ability to learn,

grow, and become a better person as a result of the trauma, to somehow
use this painful experience for good in the long run.
 Raising Bright Children in a Scary World 421

The Impact of Traumatic Events on Children

Of course, we have to start by differentiating between children who

are victimized by or directly witness traumatic events and those who
just experience them through the media. There is a continuum to the
risk of problems based on the amount of exposure, but even children
not living in a community where violence or another trauma occurs
are affected. Degree of impact also depends on the child’s age and
developmental level, temperament, awareness, and general sensitivity
to outside events.
Adults and children alike are probably more affected by traumatic
events today than they were a generation ago. With Internet and satel-
lite TV coverage of news events, information is more immediate and
coverage more graphic. The Persian Gulf War in 1991 was the first to
have battle scenes broadcast instantaneously around the world and then
replayed 24 hours a day. Young children watching these news reports
cannot cognitively differentiate between something happening halfway
around the world and something posing an immediate danger to them
and their family.
According to Lorna Knox, in her 2004 book, Scary News, we are
bombarded constantly with more and more information than we were
even 10 or 20 years ago. The end result is that news events feel more
personal and evoke emotions at a faster pace than ever before. This may
be a contributing factor to the increased rates of depression in children
and adolescents in recent years.
Kids worry much more than we realize. For example, a study
cited in Paul Foxman’s book The Worried Child: Recognizing Anxiety
in Children and Helping Them Heal showed that 71% of all eighth and
ninth graders worry about being shot or stabbed at school. This much
emotional material even for adults can become overwhelming, let alone
for children who do not yet have the skills or emotional maturity to
handle it.
Lastly, numerous studies show that children who are exposed to
too much violence at an early age can become desensitized to it. This
can happen whether the violence is in the home, in the neighborhood
or school, or with violent TV and video games. We would do well as
422 parenting gifted children

parents to pay close attention to monitoring what our children are

exposed to.

Are Gifted Children More Susceptible?

Research is limited in this area, but it stands to reason that many,

if not most, gifted children may worry more because they are more
aware than others of the world around them. They may intellectually
understand all of the possibilities and implications of a situation they
see or hear on the news and yet not be at a developmental stage where
they are ready to cope with the information emotionally. Our kids
may seem mature enough to handle certain situations because they
can reason as if they were older. Don’t let that fool you. They still need
us as adults to protect them from situations they are not emotionally
ready to handle.
Two other factors come into play here. First, according to Lesley
Sword in “Parenting Emotionally Intense Gifted Children,” gifted
children often have a heightened sensitivity and are more intense emo-
tionally than other kids. This is part of their giftedness and a wonderful
asset, but it also can be anxiety provoking and painful for the child (and
frustrating for the parent!). They can be much more affected emotion-
ally by the events around them.
Secondly, we parents may carry emotional intensity, heightened
awareness, and resulting anxiety with us. Our kids watch us and follow
our lead. They also may intuitively sense, and even act out, our feelings.
I call my daughter my “little mirror.” We need to learn healthy ways
to express our feelings so that we can model this behavior rather than
intensifying our children’s anxiety.

Helping Children Cope With Scary Events

In Scary News, Knox discussed ways to help children cope with

what they hear and experience in the world. The hope is to do more
than minimize the damage done by this exposure to world events: “We
 Raising Bright Children in a Scary World 423

can give our children the skills to cope with the scary news and have a
life filled with light, hope, joy, and appreciation.” The bottom line, she
said, is to teach kids to make decisions out of love rather than fear. This
happens first and foremost by giving them reliable, loving, and secure
relationships with their parents and other adults, and by providing a
positive, nurturing environment. In turn, this helps them feel safe and
confident when faced with anxiety-provoking situations.
Younger children are just not ready developmentally to watch media
coverage of traumatic events in the same way that they are not ready for
a horror movie. They are not yet able to separate fact from fiction, put
things into perspective, or understand that there is no direct danger to
them. Therapists found, for example, that young children who watched
media images of the twin towers falling on September 11 believed that
every time they saw it again, it was happening again. Even in cases
where they might be directly affected (e.g., their parent is deployed
to a war zone), they do not need to be frightened unnecessarily. They
should not be allowed to watch TV news or experience other media
images without close parental supervision.
At any age, Knox suggested carefully examining whether the infor-
mation is unavoidable and necessary, whether it provides an opportunity
for growth, and whether your child is ready for it. At age 4, my daughter
was not ready for what she saw and heard but it was so pervasive that
exposure to the event was unavoidable. I sheltered her from the news
as much as possible, then talked with her about what she did hear. In
fact, her most vivid memory of the event is of me pulling her away from
the TV!
According to Knox, it is wise to refrain from discussing adult top-
ics when children might be listening in, to provide comfort and show
affection in stressful times, and to keep routines in place. Talk with
children about their fears directly, giving them facts and reassurance.
Lastly, communicate to children that we can all learn and grow from
each experience, whether it be positive or negative. We can choose to
become stronger and wiser as a result.
Talking with children about the fact that the world isn’t a perfect
place is important. There is a struggle between good and evil, and bad
things do happen. Good also can come out of an evil situation. Most
424 parenting gifted children

children’s movies have a theme along these lines, which can be used
as a starting point for discussion. In doing so, however, we need to be
cautious to use age-appropriate language, keeping in mind the child’s
developmental level. We need to use “honesty with restraint.” That is,
tell the truth and answer their questions but without giving a lot of
details for which they may not be ready.
In a disaster or other situation of trauma, adults usually want to
do something to help. They donate food, clothing, and money. They
volunteer their time or expertise in whatever way they can. This helps
them feel as if they are contributing and wards off helplessness and
hopelessness. Children are no different. In doing something to help the
victims of a trauma, they feel as if they are important and contributing.
They also learn an important value—the importance of reaching out
to help others. As parents, we can help them find a way to help—for
example, contributing part of their allowance, drawing pictures and
cards for victims or rescue workers, or helping deliver food and clothing.

How Much to Protect

Most aware and caring parents these days struggle with the bal-
ance between vigilantly protecting our children from harm versus not
wanting to be overprotective or discourage kids from experiencing the
world. We are much more aware of the dangers awaiting our children
in the world than at any time in the past. Twenty years ago there was
no such thing as an Internet sex predator. Drugs were less prevalent at
such an early age. School shootings were not at such a large scale nor
were they national news. It would have been unthinkable to watch an
execution live on the computer. The world is changing and we must
change with it. So, how do we as parents teach our children to be
aware and cautious without scaring them too much or making them
constantly anxious?
There is no easy answer, no formula to follow. We face this same
question with each new situation:
•â•¢ “Yes, I know your friend’s mother lets her stay home alone, but
I do not believe that you are old enough.”
 Raising Bright Children in a Scary World 425

•â•¢ “No, you may not go to your friend’s house unless I know the
parents.”
•â•¢ “You may ride your bicycle but only on this street where I can
see you and only with a helmet.”
•â•¢ “You may no longer play with this friend because he thinks it
is funny to lie, steal, and hit you.”
•â•¢ “I know you are angry about it, but I will monitor what websites
you visit and not let you e-mail with people you don’t know.”

Talk with other parents who share your values and whose opinions
you trust. But above all, trust your gut. If it feels unsafe, it probably
is—err on the side of safety. Don’t be afraid to say no just because
other kids are allowed to do something. Foxman suggested that we
teach children about high-risk situations (e.g., Internet child molesters
and how they work), but this must be balanced with reassuring kids
that although there are real dangers to look out for, in many cases the
chances are low of something bad happening.

Strengths Our Children Have That Can Help

Bright children have strengths that can be used to help them cope.
First, they have a higher reasoning ability than many other children.
They are able to understand concepts at an earlier age and are more
verbal and able to discuss their thoughts and feelings. This can be used
to give them an edge on understanding community or world events.
Second, you are concerned enough to read this so we know they
have at least one caring and involved parent or other adult in their life.
This love and security is probably the most important factor in building
resilience. Even if they go through a trauma, they will be much more
capable of bouncing back if they know you are there to support them.
Last, their emotional sensitivity gives them a greater capacity for
empathy and understanding of the importance of justice. As parents,
we can further emphasize the importance of having compassion for and
giving to others. We can teach them that they have a responsibility to
make the world a better place. We can give them the tools to stand up for
426 parenting gifted children

what is right, help others, and create hope. Our children are the leaders
of tomorrow, with the capacity to change the world. As we guide them
in how to use their strengths, they can and will make a difference.

Resources

Books for Children

Crist, J. (2004). What to do when you’re scared and worried: A guide for kids.
Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Holmes, M. (2000). A terrible thing happened: A story for children who have
witnessed violence or trauma. Washington, DC: Magination Press.
Shuman, C. (2003). Jenny is scared! When sad things happen in the world.
Washington, DC: Magination Press.

Resources for Parents and Teachers

American Red Cross. (2001). Facing fear curriculum. Washington, DC: Author.
American Red Cross, & Federal Emergency Management Agency. (1998).
Helping children cope with disaster. Washington, DC: Author.
Andrews, B. (2006). Coping with post traumatic stress disorder. Hawthorne,
NY: Sunburst Visual Media.
Andrews, B. (2005). Lifemap to coping with anxiety. Hawthorne, NY: Bureau
for At-Risk Youth.
DeWolfe, D. (n.d.) Helping children cope with a traumatic event. Washington,
DC: American Red Cross. Retrieved from http://www.helpstartshere.
org/kids-and-families/family-safety/parents-and-terrorism.html
La Greca, A., Silverman, W. K., Vernberg, E. M., & Roberts, M. C. (Eds.).
(2002). Helping children cope with disasters and terrorism. Washington, DC:
American Psychological Association.
Matthews, D., & Foster, J. (2005). Being smart about gifted children: A guide
for parents and educators. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Zucker, B. (2008). Anxiety-free kids: An interactive guide for parents and children.
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
 Raising Bright Children in a Scary World 427

Websites

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry—http://www.aacap.org

American Psychological Association—http://www.apa.org/helpcenter
MentalHelp.Net—http://www.mentalhelp.net
National Child Traumatic Stress Network—http://www.nctsn.org
National Institute of Mental Health—http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Raising Resilient Children—http://www.raisingresilientkids.com

References

American Psychological Association. (2006). The effects of trauma do not have

to last a lifetime. Washington, DC: Author.
Bosworth, K., & Walz, G. (2005). Promoting student resiliency. Alexandria,
VA: American Counseling Association Foundation.
Brooks, R., & Goldstein, S. (2001). Raising resilient children. New York, NY:
McGraw-Hill Books.
Foxman, P. (2004). The worried child: Recognizing anxiety in children and help-
ing them heal. Alameda, CA: Hunter House.
Knox, L. (2004). Scary news: 12 ways to raise joyful children when the headlines
are full of fear. Nevada City, CA: Crystal Clarity Publishers.
National Mental Health Association. (2006). Coping with tragedy: The fifth
anniversary of 9/11. Alexandria, VA: Author.
Sword, L. (2006). Parenting emotionally intense gifted children. Retrieved from
http://talentdevelop.com/articles/ParentingEIGC.html
 Chapter 43
High Achievers—Actively
Engaged but Secretly
Stressed: Keys to Helping
Youngsters With Stress
Reduction
by Henry J. Nicols and Susan Baum

“My daughter was just elected to student council and has been admit-
ted to three Advanced Placement courses. Now she is trying out for
the school play. I know she will be disappointed if she doesn’t get a
leading role.”

“My son is annoyed. The school is offering moot court competitions

at the same time as basketball. Now he will have to make a choice.
I am considering calling the guidance counselor to see if the times
can be rescheduled.”

“I am trying to schedule a time for my daughter to take SAT prep

course. If she doesn’t score above 1,200, I don’t know what we can do.”

D
o these comments sound familiar? Is your son or daugh-
ter overscheduled? Is your child experiencing the negative
consequences of too much stress? We know that stress is an
important and necessary part of life. It helps us reach our

428
 High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed 429

peak performance, enjoy the highs of life, and protects us from some
disasters. However, when too many stressors overwhelm us in our lives,
there can be both physical and emotional manifestations.
Many bright adolescents are earning top grades and are actively
involved in a variety of activities. Ostensibly they appear healthy and
happy. But for some, their productivity causes them to be secretly
stressed. We use the term hidden stress syndrome to describe the subtle
but problematic stress that many bright youngsters are experiencing,
especially during adolescence. In general, they may seem to be happy,
goal directed, and reaping academic rewards for their efforts. However,
upon closer investigation, a different picture emerges. Today, we are
seeing youngsters with physiological symptoms, generalized feelings
of anxiety, and a sense of urgency about college admission. Many of
these manifestations of stress had their genesis much earlier when the
youngsters were in elementary school.
We know that gifted children are particularly susceptible to stress
for many reasons. Their high ability and perception that they must
achieve encourage them to bite off much more than they can chew.
Inadvertently, the adults in their world have contributed to the problem.
You have provided many opportunities for your children to develop
their talents as a means to assure them a better-than-average chance
to succeed in a competitive world. In so doing parents and teachers
alike may have become a part of the problem, not the solution.
Over the past 20 years, numerous studies have examined the social
and emotional issues underlying the manifestations of stress in bright
children. Judy Galbraith and Jim Delisle’s Gifted Kids Survival Guides
describe some of the complaints of gifted youngsters. Among them
were the lack of challenge in school, inappropriate peer group, and
expectations by adults for the children to perform perfectly.
Partially in reaction to those issues, parents have created and sought
out talent development activities for their gifted youngsters. They have
encouraged interaction with friends with similar interests and abilities.
Schools, too, have provided an enriched environment with more chal-
lenging curricula and exciting afterschool programs. Summer programs
at universities as well as outstanding, and often competitive, extracur-
ricular activities in the arts, athletics, debate, writing, and mock trial
430 parenting gifted children

competitions are just a few of the activities that are available to bright,
motivated students. Many secondary schools offer accelerated math
and science courses, Advanced Placement classes, and the International
Baccalaureate program, as well as community service and other inde-
pendent study opportunities.
The problem for some high-potential youngsters is not the lack of
challenging opportunities, but the students’ lack of skill in making
appropriate choices. Parents and teachers have been somewhat remiss
in teaching gifted youngsters how to make choices, manage their time,
or identify their passions. In fact, due to the competitive nature of
their social setting or environment, and parents’ desire to have bright
children accepted at the most prestigious universities, some students
begin to harbor the belief that doing more is in their best interest.
Growing up in today’s world is very much different than it was just a
generation ago. Child development specialists Laurence Coleman and
Michael Sanders call attention to the fact that the social milieu has a
profound effect on the adjustment of youth. The expectations placed
on bright youngsters in today’s competitive society potentially place
these youngsters at risk of the negative effects of stress. Adolescence
is an especially trying time for children as they begin to establish their
own identities. They test limits, challenge parents, and explore pos-
sibilities. The choices they make are influenced by the social context
in which they live. For bright and talented children the choices today
often are overwhelming.

What Stresses Today’s Gifted and

Talented Adolescents?

During the past year we had the pleasure of conducting a series

of focus groups with high-ability students in middle and high school
about their perceptions of the stress in their lives. The results offer some
new insight into the lives of adolescents today and confirm their lack of
ability to manage stress. As you might have suspected, gifted students
recognize that they are experiencing significant negative stress. School
is chief among their stressors. Students worry about their grades and
 High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed 431

parental reactions. Middle school students fear disappointing their

parents, while high school students often believe that grades lower
than an “A” jeopardize college acceptance. These students typically are
enrolled in all honors or high-level classes; choosing a less demanding
course or one based on interest rather than rigor is not an option in
their minds. Students feel that they needed to be actively involved in
the arts, athletics, and academics in order to be admitted to the college
of their choice. For these capable youngsters, high school is the time to
build an impressive resume based often on quantity rather than quality
of experience. Their interests or passions played a small role in decision
making. Interestingly, even though the students feel they had to be
involved in sports to maintain the image of the well-rounded student,
many said that participating in sports caused considerable stress. Most
of these students play at least one competitive sport and report feeling
stressed by their coaches’ expectations for winning. They fear letting
down their coach or team.
Instead of providing safety or a respite from the stresses of the
day, friends and relationships offer another source of stress. Many of
these bright youngsters are very sensitive and have high expectations
for friendships. They worry about disappointing their friends or being
disappointed themselves. Trust and loyalty are major issues for them.
Because students are overwhelmed with academics and extracurricular
activities, they often sacrifice things they value and know are impor-
tant to their physical well-being. They unanimously admit that they
do not have enough time to sleep or eat. Sleep often seems to be the
only opportunity for flexibility and is expendable (“I need to do extra
homework, I sleep less.”). Enjoying time with family, having fun with
friends, or just hanging out is high on their wish lists, but often beyond
reasonable expectation.
Even in elementary school, children are often overscheduled with
little time to amuse themselves, develop their imagination, or dream
about the future and their role in it. Little time is available for reading
for pleasure, not for an assignment, or creating for the sake of creating.
432 parenting gifted children

How Do Our Children Deal With Stress?

We discovered that children might be as overwhelmed by stress

as adults. Youngsters have learned inappropriate coping skills from
their adult role models. The students talk of feeling angry or sad. But
instead of identifying and prioritizing tasks and then tackling the tasks
at hand, they often will talk to friends for hours on the phone or watch
television to escape. Others simply give up eating and sleeping to get
their tasks done. One boy explained that he felt that every hour had
to be filled or he would be wasting time.
Some students described feeling physically ill. Their symptoms
often included head- and stomachaches. Several students described
experiencing tremors. Some talked about crying and generally having
difficulty communicating their feelings. They find it especially difficult
to communicate these symptoms to adults. Others described feeling
irritated and having a difficult time falling asleep. Younger children
who feel stressed often spend considerable time with the school nurse
complaining of some type of ailment. A principal described her alarm at
the increasing number of physical illnesses of youngsters in her district.
She described a fourth grader who has recently been diagnosed with
ulcers: “He worries about everything.”

How Can We Help? Seven Strategies

for Stress Management!

Stress is an integral and important part of life. It helps us to achieve

more, perform better, and fulfill great expectations. Unmanaged stress
often is cited as a major factor contributing to disease and death in adults.
Adults must work to prevent stress from negatively affecting young-
sters today. Parents can have a major role in helping their children deal
appropriately with the stress in their lives. We have found the following
strategies very useful in working with both adults and children, and
they may help you understand what causes stress for your youngsters
and improve their ability to manage it. (An additional benefit is that
you may decrease your own stress as well.)
 High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed 433

The first six strategies describe long-term investments that can be

used to help create a less stressful lifestyle. The earlier you start prac-
ticing these strategies the more you can prevent your children from
developing inappropriate levels of anxiety. The last strategy involves
techniques for dealing with especially stressful moments. These tech-
niques can help to diffuse short-term, immediate stress and to make
the most of a challenging moment.

1. Help Your Children to Identify Their Values,

Hopes, and Dreams so That They Live a Life
Consistent With Their Values and Goals

Share with them lessons that you have learned about your goals,
how you find meaning in life, and how you decide what matters most.
Children often report school as a significant stressor because of the
way they are encouraged to believe their lives depend on their daily
performance. A student told us during a focus group, “It is important
to stay up late studying. One bad grade can ruin your life!”
Do you believe that? More importantly, does your son or daughter
believe that? Will success in life be contingent upon receiving all A’s
or taking every honors course? The reality may be that, if there is too
much emphasis on grades, students may be pressured beyond what is
reasonable and lose sight of what is important. Teen suicide statistics
show that, tragically, some children do believe a single failure can lead
to a “ruined life.” Consequently, paying for that failure with their life
becomes an option.

2. Create Opportunities to Identify and

Explore the Issues With Your Children

Do you take the time to talk with your sons or daughters about
their lives? Consider discussing with them who they are and who they
dream of becoming. Too often conversations with children focus on
what they accomplish rather than how they feel, what they think, and
what they want and need. Your verbal interactions with them are pow-
erful indicators of what your interest is in their lives. The expectation
434 parenting gifted children

that they will win your praise only if they produce is detrimental to
their adjustment and your relationship. One young man we interviewed
described his dream of becoming a philosophy professor but instead
will apply to business school to please his parents. What message are
you giving your child?

3. Use Family Meetings to Discuss Issues

Meeting together allows all members of the family to participate

in decision making. When children feel their opinions are valued, they
are more likely to talk about what is bothering them. Use a symbol to
assure active listening and participation (e.g., we use a heart-shaped
pillow). Only the person with the pillow may speak, and until the pillow
is relinquished, the possessor has the exclusive right to speak. Everyone
gets a turn with the pillow until all have had the chance to say what is
on their minds. While making decisions at these meetings, try using
Creative Problem Solving—a natural, flexible process that makes solv-
ing problems and prioritizing goals constructive and enjoyable, rather
than stressful. Many materials are available about this framework for
both children and adults. For more information, consult the resources
at the end of this article.

4. Establish Weekly “Walk and Talks”

Walking briskly outdoors in the fresh air is healthy in and of itself.

This habit can be developed into a lifelong practice. We know that phys-
ical activity such as walking not only benefits health but also reduces the
negative chemical effects of stress, while at the same time contributes
to relationship building. When was the last time you walked? When
was the last time you walked holding hands with someone you love?
Sound corny? Try it. It works!

5. Create Balance in Your Life

We all need balance in our lives. Balance should include recre-

ation, exercise, and well-balanced diet. Without that balance, stress
 High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed 435

can become overwhelming. The students we spoke to often skip meals

and sleep to complete tasks they believed of greater priority. One young
woman remarked, “After completing school assignments, afterschool
activities, and homework who has time for fun or sleep?” We asked
her when she is happiest. She answered, “I am happiest when I ride
my horse and can just be myself.”
Her peers agreed, “Having time alone to reflect is wonderful. My
favorite time is waiting alone for the school bus. I think and dream.
Everything seems possible.”
Help your youngster value recreational down time by modeling it
for them. Do you have a balance in your life? Most adults model inap-
propriate stress management behaviors. How about you? Do you have
time for fun? Do you take time to do what matters most? Every day?
As Steven Covey describes in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,
every task in your life can fall into one of four quadrants (see Figure
43.1). Quadrant 1 contains items that are “Important and Urgent.”
Quadrant 2 lists things that are “Important and Not Urgent.” Quadrant
3 includes items that are “Not Important and Urgent.” Quadrant 4
describes those things that are “Not Important and Not Urgent.”

6. Encourage Your Children to Have a Creative Outlet

Some people engage in creative activities because they find joy

in the performance. When people are creating, they are lost in the
moment. Stress disappears. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a developmen-
tal psychologist who studies creativity and happiness, describes these
experiences as being in a “state of flow.” What creative activity does your
child love for its own sake? Perhaps it is dance, photography, building
with LEGOs®, sketching, or writing poetry. Supporting children in
pursuing what they love is the single best way that we can help them
have a balanced life. During stressful moments or days, taking an hour
and playing the piano or writing a poem will have a positive effect on
reducing stress.
The strategies briefly described thus far explain long-term invest-
ments for creating a less stressful lifestyle. They take time and practice,
but will pay healthy dividends. The next strategy describes techniques
436 parenting gifted children

Q-1 Important and Urgent Q-2 Important and Not Urgent

Family crisis Planning
Project due now Recreation
Medical emergencies Relationship building
Studying for tomorrow’s test Doing what matters most

Q-3 Not Important and Urgent Q-4 Not Important and Not Urgent
Most e-mail TV
Many meetings Roaming around at the mall
Most telephone calls Surfing the net
Many tasks with no priority Endless phone calls

Have members of the family create their own chart by filling in a typical day’s activities. Figure out
where each of you spends most of your time. Have you considered the effects of spending a majority of
time in each of the four quadrants? There are negative and positive effects as summarized below.

Q-1 Important and Urgent Q-2 Important and Not Urgent

High stress and anxiety Improved relationships
Risk of heart & other diseases Doing what matters most to you
(Yes, even our children are getting ulcers, Planning reduces time in Q-1 & Q-3
tics, and tremors.) Recreation allows for RE-CREATION
Premature death Living a life that meets your values and fulfills
Stress on relationships your goals
Increased incident of drug use

Q-3 Not Important and Urgent Q-4 Not Important and Not Urgent
The body cannot tell the difference between Lack of exercise
something “important and urgent” and Poor relationships
something “not important and urgent.” Becoming a couch potato
The health effects are the same as in Q-l Weight and health problems
Underachievement

How do you then choose to spend your time? Where will you get the time to do what matters most?
Below are some strategies to maximize your opportunities!

Q-1 Important and Urgent Q-2 Important and Not Urgent

Do this NOW! Maximizing time in Q-2, such as planning,
reduces the time spent in Q-1 & Q-3 and gives
you the time to do what is most important to
you.

Q-3 Not Important and Urgent Q-4 Not Important and Not Urgent
Identify Eliminate activities that are truly a waste of time
Delegate or reassign the activities that help you to relax
Eliminate and enjoy true recreational opportunities you
identified in Q-2.

Figure 43.1. Four quadrants for life tasks.

 High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed 437

to diffuse the discomfort of stressful moments. We refer to them as

stress busters.

7. Teach and Model the Use of Stress Busters

We admit that there are times when the demand of the moment
can be overwhelming, calling for an instant stress buster guaranteed
to help manage the moment. Try the following:
Deep breathing. A typical breath uses only about 60% of the
capacity of the lungs. During stressful times deep, focused breathing
where the breath is held for just a matter of seconds can instantly lower
the blood pressure, slow the pulse, and help keep things in perspective.
Focus on the breathing, think of the muscles being used, and try to
use the abdominal muscles. An easy way to learn abdominal muscle
breathing is to lie flat on your back on the floor, place a heavy book on
your stomach, and focus on the muscles used to breathe while moving
the book up and down.
Disassociation (sometimes called visualization). Being able to
mentally create a nonstressful situation is a favorite stress manage-
ment technique of soldiers, mountain climbers, and others who need
to reduce the stress of the moment by focusing on another time and
place. For example, while climbing Mount Rainier and stuck for 48
hours during a storm with 70 mph winds and near-zero temperatures,
a climber describes disassociating to the Grand Canyon and the hot
dessert. While crossing the Kaibab Plateau in temperatures of more
than 100 degrees carrying a 50-pound pack, the same climber disas-
sociated to vanilla milkshakes. Disassociation is easy to learn. Focus
on where you would choose to be. Go there. We know that the body
cannot tell the difference between an experience that is real and one
that is vividly imagined. So, think where you would choose to be!
Accept no excuse; go there!
Finding someone to talk to. Remember a burden shared is a burden
lightened. Just having a friend, a counselor, an advisor—someone who is
trusted to share the burden—can be reassuring. Thinking that there is
no one who would listen can be dangerous, forcing us to carry on alone.
438 parenting gifted children

Encourage your child to have a trusted person with whom he can share
the many challenges and burdens when he is feeling especially tense.
Neck rolls. Head and neck rolls are an easy to learn, effective, and
instant stress buster. Begin slowly and easily without quick movements
and without straining. Tilt the head back, tilt the head forward touching
the chin to the chest, gently roll the head 360 degrees clockwise, then
repeat counter clockwise. Repeat the entire process for six repetitions.

A Final Word

Stress is an important and necessary part of our lives. But when

it becomes overwhelming it can have powerful negative effects.
Inappropriate stress management, or simply too much stress, may lead
to depression, disease, premature death, relationship failures, drug use,
and, in extreme cases, suicide. Remember that you might be a poor
role model for stress management and inadvertently underestimate and
elevate the level of stress in your children. To help children alleviate
stress, begin by modeling healthy habits and making decisions based
on your values and passions. As you improve your management of
unhealthy stress, you will help your children learn to cope with even
the most stressful moments. In short, by modeling a lifestyle in which
you control stress rather than letting it control you, you will help both
you and your child to live longer, more productive, and happier lives.

Resources

Books

Covey, S. (1998). The 7 habits of highly effective teens: The ultimate teenage success
guide. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Restoring the character
ethic. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
Davis, M., Robbins, M., Eshelman, M., & McKay, M. (1998). Relaxation
and stress reduction workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
 High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed 439

Peterson, J. (1993). Talk with teens about self and stress. Minneapolis, MN:
Free Spirit.
Peterson, J. (1995). Talk with teens about feelings, family, relationships and the
future. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Romain T., & Verdick, E. (2000). Stress can really get on your nerves.
Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Treffinger, D. J., Isaksen, S. G., & Stead-Dorval, K. B. (2006). Creative
problem solving: An introduction (4th ed.). Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.

Websites

The American Institute of Stress—http://www.stress.org

Center for Creative Learning—http://www.creativelearning.com
The Creative Problem Solving Group-Buffalo—http://www.cpsb.com
 Chapter 44
“Why Am I Here? What
Makes the World so Unfair?”
Reaching Out to the Questing
Gifted Child
by Joan Franklin Smutny

I
received a call from a father who said that his 9â•‚yearâ•‚old son liked
to discuss the nature of time. Was there always time? If it depends
on the movement of the planets, then would it stop if they reversed
course? He was particularly eager to discuss the possibility of life
before birth, as his father noted:

I used to think that this was because he played with a friend

whose family is Buddhist, but when I asked, “Harry, do you
mean you wonder if you were here before?” he would say,
“No, not here, but somewhere. I just know I was somewhere
else.” And then he would argue that if time had to do with
moving planets then why couldn’t he have existed some-
where that was outside of that? He would put on his pouty,
youâ•‚shouldâ•‚knowâ•‚better look and say, “If there’s something
after death as you told me when Pop [his hamster] died, then
why not before too?” I couldn’t answer of course. I also had
the distinct impression that he was only telling me a fraction
of what was going on in his head. How do we deal with these
kinds of questions?

440
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 441

Another child I know—a gifted middle schooler—wanted to talk to

her parents about the inferior status of animals in human society. This
fourth grader had read some rather dense, complex books on animals
and conservation, trying to understand why people treated other spe-
cies as beneath them. As her mother shared,

My husband and I were a bit taken aback when out of the blue
our daughter said, “You know, I’m probably going to end up a
misanthrope.” I said, “A misanthrope? When did you learn that
word?” She just rolled her eyes with an exaggerated sigh and
said, “If most people in the world don’t like animals that much
and only see them as playthings or meat to eat or whatever,
I’m not going to like people very much and therefore I’ll be . . .
well . . . alone in this world.” I tried to assure her that there
are, in fact, a lot of people who care about animals. But she
just looked off into the distance and continued, “If it’s because
people have more brains or something, then what about really
disabled people? Do they lose their rights and get locked in
cages and abused if they can’t think as good as . . . like . . . a
monkey who’s extra smart? No. The monkey would still be in
the cage. So it’s got to be prejudice against nonhumans.” Anna
has a really hard time dealing with cruelty, especially toward
animals. I wish we could find ways of helping her through this.

The “Questing” Gifted Child

The following list is intended to aid parents in recognizing the

quest of their own children. Although not all gifted young people
engage in such a quest—searching and probing complex issues in great
depth—many highly sensitive and intuitive learners do. They have a
tendency to be:
•â•¢ interested in philosophical questions far in advance of others
their age;
442 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ paralyzed by the intensity of their feelings in the presence of

injustice, cruelty, or selfâ•‚centeredness;
•â•¢ inspired by a sense of the wholeness of life (encompassing all
beings and the universe) and feeling part of this large whole;
•â•¢ subject to an acute sense of vulnerability in the world due to
feeling “different” from peers and to difficult experiences in
school;
•â•¢ profoundly affected by daily experience and inclined to plumb
its meaning to the depths;
•â•¢ possessed of a highly developed moral understanding and
strong convictions about fundamental principles (such as the
right to a fair trial);
•â•¢ acutely intuitive about human and animal behavior;
•â•¢ deeply drawn toward the creative, artistic, and the imaginative;
•â•¢ interested in unexplained phenomena—UFOs, telepathic abili-
ties, nearâ•‚death experiences, or visions of the future;
•â•¢ highly sensitive and compassionate toward others, particularly
toward those who are mistreated, troubled, or unhappy; and
•â•¢ able to take strong, courageous stands about ethical issues
based on wellâ•‚reasoned arguments for doing so and in spite
of opposition.

Because of their advanced abilities, a number of gifted students
achieve an extraordinary level of awareness and insight about them-
selves and the world around them. The following are some comments
made by these children to their parents and/or teachers:

When I walk in a room, I can feel what everyone there is

feeling. If someone is sad, I feel it. If kids notice the stain on
my sweater or my dorky shoes, I feel that. If they don’t like
the teacher, I feel that, too, and then I feel bad for the teacher
who doesn’t know it. Sometimes I think I’m just crazy and
imagining all this, but then someone will come up to me and
say something that proves I was right.—Sixth grader
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 443

I once overheard my parents talking with their friends about

how kids think they’re the center of the universe. Are they
nuts? I’m a teeny tiny speck floating in the cosmos. It’s totally
overwhelming!—Fifth grader

Where do “I” end and “You” begin?—First grader

If what we think affects what we see, then are all the scientists
in the world going to have to redo their experiments? Are we
living in our own dream?—Third grader

Nature always keeps me sane. When I watch a spider weaving

a web, I relax. I can tell he’s not worried.—Seventh grader

Facing the Wall

Children with intuitive sensibilities and probing minds often are

ushered into this awareness without the emotional maturity or life
experience to cope with it. Particularly noticeable among young gifted
children, the phenomenon known as “asynchrony” makes them seem
like a 25-year-old in metaphysical understanding and a 6-year-old
in emotional maturity. A 7â•‚yearâ•‚old talks about the nature of con-
sciousness at one moment and weeps over a missing toy the next. A
10â•‚yearâ•‚old asks if humans “can evolve into a kinder species than
the ‘moral Neanderthals’ they are now” while watching SpongeBob
SquarePants on cable television.
At older ages, they continue the struggle to make sense of experi-
ences and insights they can hardly understand. Essential to this inner
conflict is the fact that their accelerated moral development bumps up
against the world outside them—the confusing behaviors of people in
different settings (e.g., double standards, lack of authenticity, hypocrisy,
ignorance of complexity), the shallowness of some aspects of popular
culture, and the illogical nature of certain customs and/or rules. In
cases where they have no one to talk to, no words to put to the sensibili-
ties they feel, and no strategies for working with them, gifted young
444 parenting gifted children

people have few options at their disposal. They can rebel, keep their
thoughts to themselves, or withdraw from those around them. Sensing
something within themselves that they cannot articulate (yet cannot
deny either), these children awaken to the sad reality that others do
not share this awareness. At that moment, they realize they are alone.

At School

It is in the context of school where these promising children most

keenly experience a conflict, a struggle due largely to the invisible inner
world that schools do not normally recognize. Because schools can-
not nurture what they cannot see, these children experience a lack of
nourishment on a deep level, even though they often don’t know what is
missing. Over time, they feel more and more invisible, less engaged, less
alive. Adult guidance that could help them communicate, understand,
and give shape to their inner world rarely exists in school because of
the oneâ•‚sided emphasis on academic growth as a thing separate from
the realm of character, sensibility, and intuition.
A young girl who paints the “spirit face” of animals and people
discovers, with a jolt, that the other kids have no idea what she’s doing.
“You know,” she explains, “there is the face that we see with our eyes
and then there is the other one.” She shows pictures of her cat on four
different days with the second face painted over the first like an oth-
erworldly being. There is no response. The child immediately senses
the gulf between what she sees and the physical hereâ•‚andâ•‚now world
of her classmates.
For these intuitive gifted children, the “invisible” domain affects
their whole being—the way they learn, love, connect to the world,
and form relationships. It is a sad day when they discover that their
peers don’t stare out the window at the pigeons and wonder if being a
bird would improve the feeling of life. They don’t concern themselves
with the concept of compassion for animals and how this relates to
living in harmony with all life. They don’t wonder if they could “see”
their deceased grandparents by changing their state of mind. When
these children fully awaken to the fact that those around them do not
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 445

occupy or even see the same realm as they do, they may decide to let
that domain go.

At Home

Gifted children with these sensibilities either flourish in families

that understand them on a deep level or they revolt in families that do
not. Parents who enforce their own ideas, philosophies, and visions
on their gifted children without regard to their unique personality,
intelligence, and sensibility can cause harm. It is critically important
to understand the difference between empowering a child to discover
his own calling in life and imposing (consciously or unconsciously)
their own calling on the child.

Writing haikus was the only thing that gave me peace. When
I lived in Japan I was good in math and everyone said I would be
a mathematician like my father. Back then, I loved math because
numbers gave me a sense of order and security in the world. When
we moved to this country, I was 10 and I remember being shocked to
discover how much culture influences personality. I would lie in bed
at night wondering if the “I” who existed before could even survive in
America and what did this mean? It spurred on a deep awakening in
me. Is being a person a myth? Are we just energy that gets shaped
differently as we move from culture to culture? Is there an essence that
is me? The haikus started during this time. They helped me explore
questions about the nature of identity. My parents didn’t understand
what was happening and, of course, how could I explain myself?
Every spare moment, I wrote haikus. I looked for myself in the haikus.
I’m still writing them, still searching for my elusive self on little scraps of
paper.—Gifted adult, remembering his childhood

Even the most wellâ•‚meaning parents can miss the signs of the
questing child. This can happen in a variety of ways. In the above
example, the family’s effort to adapt to life in America and the parents’
investment in the child’s academic success make them less aware of
the child’s soul struggling to find its voice in the new world. Religious
446 parenting gifted children

tradition also can influence parental response. A mother or father may

close down certain lines of questioning in order to keep the child on the
“straight path” and protect her from losing the guidance and strength
she needs in life. This also happens among many immigrant families,
who become deeply invested in preserving the religious traditions in
their young people as a way of resisting amalgamation into mainstream
American culture. In many cases where the child has no freedom to
question beliefs or religious ideas, he will maintain the outward appear-
ance of a believer (so as not to disappoint his parents), while inside he
continues his search alone.
Lack of adult awareness is at the root of many problems facing these
young seekers. Without intending to, we marginalize the profound
experiences of our children and dismiss the rich, invisible world where
their deepest thinking takes place. Less in tune with the invisible realm,
discounting it in so many inadvertent and unconscious ways, we little
realize how this makes them feel estranged and isolated. They look
to us for connection and what they find are parents who cannot see
or give a name to the world they know so intimately. “Who are you
talking to now?” we might ask a child engaged in lively debate with
an imaginary being, the only recipient of his theories about parallel
universes. “Ohhhhh, I don’t know about that” we may say carelessly
when our child earnestly asks if we can make a special trip to visit an
aunt she “senses” needs special help. “Can’t we at least call her?” she
asks, almost desperate. “Oh, of course we can, no problem!” we say
lightly, trying to cajole her out of her growing fear for her aunt.

The Fork in the Road

In order to really belong to their families, friends, and community,

many gifted students feel they have to make a choice between their
sensibility and the more material sense of living and being that sur-
rounds them. But, becoming more like the rest of the world carries a
high price—alienation from the most precious part of their sensibility.
They act in one of two ways: They either pretend to be like everyone
else and keep their questioning to themselves or they decide that the
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 447

domain of feeling is unrealistic and silly—a thing to outgrow. Whatever

the choice, most of these gifted people experience a profound loss.

As a child, I can remember feeling so close to nature, so close to

my love for painting and for the divine—what Rachel Carson called
the “sense of wonder.” All of that dwindled away. I can’t remember
the day or the event that made this happen. I think that, as a kid who
performed well academically, I got pulled in other directions and
bit-by-bit, the demands and concerns over grades and success and
getting ahead chipped away at my more philosophical side until I
just let it go. I remember telling myself that I had to get my priorities
straight and there were other more pressing and practical things to do.
And in the distraction and bustle of school and research and work,
I stopped hearing my own voice and over time, I felt less and less
connected to anything. It was only after bottoming out completely that
I realized I had lost myself somehow. My own voice actually stopped
speaking, even in the silence. Now, interestingly, I’m returning to the
rich, mystical work of my childhood.—Ph.D. candidate

A Window for the Questing Mind

Over the years, I have come across the shared wisdom and advice of
researchers, counselors, parents, and gifted children on how to respond
to the “quest” of young people for a deeper understanding of the world.
Express in the stories you tell an empathy with, openness to, and
understanding of their inner searching and struggles. Express genuine
interest in the thoughts and feelings of your children, however inci-
dental, odd, or hypersensitive they may seem. A particularly effective
approach is to share your childhood stories about the things that con-
cerned you—what thoughts came to you in the silence of the night,
what conclusions you arrived at, and how you found a sense of inner
peace. Children find this kind of sharing enormously reassuring and
instructive. They feel understood at the deepest level and can find
guideposts for their own journey.
Show them that you genuinely care what they think and feel.
Inquire about their projects and thought processes; ask what led them
to ask certain questions. When a sudden change has occurred in the
448 parenting gifted children

family (e.g., divorce, new baby, change of address, loss of a beloved

relative or pet), try to discover how your child is processing this change.
The same principle applies to national or international crises such as war
or a tsunami. Express to the child your own interest in and openness
to their thoughts and questions about any subject.

Be Open in Discussing Complex Moral

or Metaphysical Questions

Try not to express any sense of finality on a subject that children

find troubling. Overly simple answers to complex subjects—the reason
for criminal behavior, the possibilities of life beyond the grave, the lack
of kindness in some kids at school, the nature of time, the purpose
of life—will only push them away. Being intuitive, they will detect
that they’ve hit a nerve and either retreat from the adults or pretend
to agree. It’s better to support a child’s own process of discovery, shar-
ing personal philosophies without any need to resolve every issue or
close down the questioning. When adults say, “I can see why you
would think and feel that way, but here’s another way to look at this
question . . .”, the child feels that he has someone to talk to, someone
who understands and honors his quest for meaning. Sharing personal
convictions or philosophies in this fashion helps the child explore his
own experiences, ideas, and intuited knowledge and enables parents
to fulfill their unique role in his quest.

Help Them Achieve a Sense of Purpose

Most gifted children express a deeply felt need for a life purpose—a
reason for being. As parents, you can facilitate this process by dis-
covering the things that mean the most to them and then nurturing
these things (e.g., passions, goals, dreams) in as many ways as possible.
Consider the question: What can I do to give my child a vision of her
future as a botanist/archeologist/lawyer/zoologist/astronaut? What
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 449

resources (human and material) do I need? Here are some possibilities

to consider:
•â•¢ volunteer/community service opportunities that give your child
an experience of making a difference doing something he loves
(e.g., removing invasive species of flora from a forest preserve);
•â•¢ biographies of eminent people (in the form of books and docu-
mentaries) that clearly show the characteristics (e.g., persistence,
determination, resiliency, sense of humor) that led to signifi-
cant achievement in their chosen field;
•â•¢ inspiring mentors and/or coaches who can give him personal
attention and encouragement, and model certain behaviors
(e.g., work habits, skills, approaches, attitudes) that enable him
to face difficulties and make significant progress.

Building a vision for the future—a vision that comes from the
child’s deeply felt values, convictions, and interests—will help the child
navigate around the obstacles in his path.

Bear Witness to Acts of Bravery

and a Resiliency of Spirit

Celebrate your children whenever they cope with a difficult situ-

ation well. This tells them that you recognize the hardship they faced
and are proud of them for not abandoning what they most value, even
under peer pressure. I know a parent who took her son out for dinner
as a way of honoring his forbearance during a difficult group project
and for his success in making fairness a standard for their collabora-
tive work. When we bear witness to the beauty and bravery of our
children’s character, they feel strengthened to embrace these qualities
in themselves.
When a teacher I know saw one of her gifted students comfort
an unpopular child (even though this brought him a lot of grief from
peers), she took him aside and thanked him in private. In the months
ahead, she would remind him of this incident whenever he became
nervous or held himself back. Even in his adulthood, he would remem-
450 parenting gifted children

ber her saying, “You’re a brave soul, Jeremy, and you can call on it
whenever you need it.” In this and many other ways, children gain
strength by valuing what really matters to them and by living their
most cherished ideals. “To thine own self be true” should be a constant
guide to gifted children.

Celebrate Curiosity and Discovery

Help gifted children engage in largerâ•‚thanâ•‚life issues with a sense

of joy and adventure. Share insights, experiences, and quotes from a
wide variety of thinkers (past and present), all speaking to the subject
of what they have discovered about living and how they approach their
challenges. Present the quest for beauty, artistry, philosophy of nature,
the purpose for being in the world, compassion for animals, the whole-
ness of all life, and so forth as a series of adventures and insights, each
leading to new questions that lead to further discoveries. Again, share
your own conclusions about life and how you came to them. Instill the
hope of finding more answers, but also the delight in the unknown as
the place of future learning.
Einstein offered excellent advice:

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has

its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe
when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the
marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely
to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose
a holy curiosity. (See more quotes by Einstein at http://www.
simpletoremember.com/vitals/einstein.htm.)

Give Them Mentors, Teachers, and Coaches Who

Are Respectful of Their Unique Sensibilities

Gifted children on an inner quest thrive on the kind of close

personal attention that mentors and specialized teachers or coaches
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 451

provide. You yourself may be one of them. Good mentors are able
not only to guide exceptional ability in specific areas but also to help
these children understand themselves better. An art teacher has a child
combine sketches, painting, and collage to access her ideas. A martial
arts teacher helps a withdrawn, often intimidated, gifted child find an
inner stabilizing power. A writing coach creates exercises to free the
spirit of an urban gifted child, trying to find his place in the world.
Hear the voice of Jarrel, a seventh grader from Chicago:

Standing, standing
is where I stand.
Sitting, sitting;
I think I’m lost.
There, there
is far away.
Walking, walking,
toward my goal.
My life, life,
I grasp, I hold.
Running, running,
far away.
I’ve got to get
away from here.
Hoping, hoping,
for a new day.
I always want, want,
what I can’t have.
Asking, asking,
for what will never come.
I cry, cry,
to my pillow at night.
Choke, choking.
I’m sorry.
I got nervous.
Finally, finally,
452 parenting gifted children

windows have to show me

that the sky is still clear.

Concluding Thoughts

Gifted children advanced in moral and character development,

inspired by visions and possessed of a wisdom beyond their years have
the ability to impart a higher level of consciousness to whatever field
they choose. To minister solely to their academic ability or to treat
their intellect as separate from the hopes, feelings, and aspirations that
move it is a disservice to the gifted child. Certainly, we can do no less
than feed the heart that hungers to belong, hold on to the hand that
reaches for support, and strengthen the steps of an intuitive explorer
on a quest for a wider horizon.

Resources

Dabrowski, K. (1979/1994). The heroism of sensitivity (E. Hyzy-Sirzelecka,

Trans.) Advanced Development, 6, 87–92.
Gross, M. (1998). The “me” behind the mask: Intellectually gifted students
and the search for identity. Roeper Review, 20, 167–173.
Gross, M. (2003). Exceptionally gifted children (2nd ed.). New York, NY:
Routledge.
Hillman, J. (1996). The soul’s code: In search of character and calling. New York,
NY: Warner Books.
Hollingworth, L. S. (1942). Children above 180 IQ Stanford-Binet: Origin and
development. Yonkers-on-Hudson, NY: World Book.
Lovecky, D. V. (1997). Identity development in gifted children: Moral sen-
sitivity. Roeper Review, 20, 90–94.
Lovecky, D. V. (1998). Spiritual sensitivity in gifted children. Roeper Review,
20, 178–183.
Sisk, D. S., & Torrance, E. P. (2001). Spiritual intelligence: Developing higher
consciousness. Buffalo, NY: Creative Education Foundation Press.
Smutny, J. F. (2001). Stand up for your gifted child: How to make the most of kids’
strengths at school and at home. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
 Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted Child 453

Tolan, S. (1998). The learning conditions: Moral asynchrony and the isolated
self. Roeper Review, 20, 211–214.
Webb, J. T., Meckstroth, E. A., & Tolan, S. S. (1989). Guiding the gifted child.
Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
 Chapter 45
Overcoming Barriers to Girls’
Talent Development
by Sally M. Reis

W
hy do some talented females achieve and gain promi-
nence or eminence while others who had as much or
more potential fail to achieve the dreams they had as
young girls? Why do some gifted girls begin to under-
achieve in school, and when does the underachievement begin? Most
important, what can parents do to prevent underachievement in their
daughters and to encourage the development of their gifts and talents?
These and many other questions surrounding achievement and talent
development in girls and women were the basis for almost 20 years of
research that I have conducted on talented females.
More than 20 years ago, my interests became more personal when I
became the parent of first one and later two young girls. I have watched
with growing interest how the issues about which I have written affect
my own daughters. These issues involve the external barriers, as well as
personality factors that researchers know are the reasons many girls and
women either cannot or do not realize their potential. Of course, not
all women establish the same priorities or make the same decisions, but
commonalities do exist in many of the talented females I have studied.
Talented girls and women struggle with dilemmas about abilities
and talents. They also grapple with relationships or duty and caring
(putting the needs of others first) as opposed to developing personal
talents and/or personal interests, and religious and social issues.

454
 Overcoming Barriers to Girls’ Talent Development 455

External Barriers

The importance of environmental variables on the development of

gifted and talented females cannot be overstated. Almost from birth,
females find themselves in a world of limiting stereotypes and barriers
to achievement. Research has identified external barriers that seem
to negatively influence the development of talents and gifts in some
gifted girls and women. External barriers can result from family and
environmental issues such as socialization and stereotyping at home,
school, and in society. Two major external barriers are the messages
that parents may inadvertently send their daughters and the negative
or stereotypical societal messages about the importance of appearance
and the roles held by women and men.

Parental Messages

Parental attitudes often vary toward having and raising girls as

opposed to boys. Children may learn the behaviors of their sex at an
early age and display particular behavior patterns and play preferences
even during preschool.
My research indicates that the primary mixed messages gifted and
talented girls receive emanate from the interaction of family variables,
their parents’ relationship, and their parents’ expectations that their
daughters display certain types of manners and behaviors. Mothers
seem to have a particular influence on their gifted daughters; talented
girls with career-oriented mothers tended to develop a variety of talents
and interests early in life and feel less conflict about growing up and
becoming independent, autonomous women.
Paying too much attention to stereotypic manners and behaviors in
childhood can negatively affect a talented girl’s attitudes and her ability
to question and speak out. “Don’t interrupt,” “don’t ask so many ques-
tions,” “don’t raise your hand so much,” “don’t be so aggressive,” “don’t
be so bold,” and “show respect for your elders”—smart girls hear these
admonishments and the first seeds of passivity are planted, eventually
resulting in a young woman who doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t raise
her hand, and gives up speaking out in class.
456 parenting gifted children

Too much attention paid to “minding manners” and being polite

and “ladylike” may conflict with characteristics that are necessary for
girls with high potential to evolve into successful women who make a
difference in the world. In order to evolve into successful women, girls
need to challenge convention, to question authority, and to speak out
about things that need change. Determination, commitment, asser-
tiveness, and the ability to control their own lives—characteristics all
associated with talented women who have achieved eminence—directly
conflict with what some parents encourage as good and appropriate
manners in their daughters.
The strict code of manners taught to some daughters and sons are,
of course, influenced by the cultures in which we live. Although not
wanting to eliminate what is unique to each diverse culture, a discus-
sion of some of the issues related to strict implementation of a code of
manners and behavior for girls (as well as boys) is warranted. Although
I am not advocating that we raise daughters who are rude or discourte-
ous, I advocate that we consider raising daughters who speak out, say
no, and challenge authority when necessary.
From the time she was barely old enough to talk, I have enjoyed
watching the growth and development of a young girl in our church.
We have a children’s message each week and all of the children who
are in fourth grade or younger go to the front of the church where
they listen to a special message. This young girl delighted me and the
rest of the congregation on a weekly basis, often calling out funny
responses to our minister’s questions. Her verbal creativity and outgoing
personality never failed to make all of us smile. One day after she had
answered two or three questions, I overheard her mother reprimand
her, explaining that she had, once again, monopolized the conversa-
tion and brought attention to herself. Too many parents squelch their
daughters’ enthusiasm and spirit under the guise of manners.
Some of the passion and the excitement that gifted children feel
simply bubbles to the surface; discouraging this passion may very well
influence later behaviors and attitudes. I often urge parents to try to
channel the overexcitability, determination, willfulness, or stubborn-
ness they find in their gifted daughters to something positive such as
 Overcoming Barriers to Girls’ Talent Development 457

social action or improving some aspect of life. Girls can apply energy
to sports, hobbies, music lessons, or any personal-interest area.

Stereotyping

Like a camera in the brain, each time a child has an experience a

snapshot is embedded in her experiential base. Millions of snapshots
produce attitudes that in turn, affect actions. Stereotypes abound in
our society, from shampoo commercials and newspaper ads to the teen
magazines our daughters read. Newspapers and news shows on televi-
sion regularly feature photographs and stories about men in positions of
authority. Children’s books, television shows, and textbooks all present
more men than women, and when women are presented, their physical
appearances are usually stressed.
Each time a young girl turns on the television, reaches for a maga-
zine, and participates in or overhears a conversation between friends,
she is in the process of experiencing and being influenced by her social
surroundings. The process begins at birth and continues throughout
life; the effects are pervasive and overwhelming. Attitudes and opin-
ions about what girls should look and act like come from family and
friends, from observations throughout life, television and other media,
and from print materials including books, magazines, and textbooks.
For the last decade or two, researchers and educators have made sug-
gestions for ways to eliminate gender stereotypes that impede gifted
females from realizing their potential. However, we have yet to make
the widespread, comprehensive commitment necessary to reduce the
social pressures that affect talent development in girls.
Aware of all of the socializing incidents that affect young girls,
my husband and I made a conscious attempt from the day both of our
daughters were born to provide an equitable and fair environment for
them. We tried to expose them to female role models, both in life and
through nonfiction and fiction literature. We drove a fair distance to
take them to a female dentist. They had medical visits with females. My
friends sometimes teased me about my mission to have my daughters
know the names of Rosa Parks, Rachel Carson, Marie Curie, Hypatia,
and other accomplished women. We bought books about female doc-
458 parenting gifted children

tors, scientists, and lawyers, and I was satisfied with my efforts. My

husband and I share household tasks and participate equally in caring
for our daughters.
One afternoon when we picked up our then 6-year-old daughter
after school, she sat in the back of the car and sighed loudly—a signal
we had come to understand as her way of telling us something was
bothering her. As I was driving, my husband turned around and asked,
“What’s the matter, Sara?”
She paused and said, “I wish I was a boy.”
My husband’s face became incredulous as he turned to her, “Why
on Earth would you want to be a boy, Sara?”
She responded, “They just get to do more!” She told us about a
number of specific incidents in her classroom that had led her to this
conclusion. It became clear that she was reacting to the environment in
her school and classroom, and a long conversation with her classroom
teacher indicated that Sara’s observations were on target. Her teacher
explained to us that the boys tried to monopolize the computer in the
classroom, spoke out more in class, and constantly competed for more
of her time and attention. Despite her efforts, Sara’s teacher reported
to me that she had begun to notice some of the girls becoming quieter.
Even when she had tried to establish “girl only time” on the computer
and some of the other equipment in the classroom, she found the girls
giving up their computer time to their male friends who seemed to
cajole the girls into additional time. Despite our efforts to provide role
models and equity for our daughters at home and to limit television
time and exposure to negative print materials, we were struck head-on
with their encounters in the world outside of our home.
Although that incident occurred years ago, daily reminders of ste-
reotyping continue to occur in our lives. At 12 years old, Sara asked
if she could buy a copy of the teen magazine, YM (Young and Modern).
“Please Mom,” she said, “all of my friends are reading this magazine.
Can I get a copy?” On the cover of the magazine was the photograph
of a very slim, beautiful, young teenage girl. I read with amazement
the bullets of some of the stories inside: “Total Love Guide: 100 Guys
Dish the New Rules,” “Kiss and Be Kissed: 26 Pucker-Up Pointers,”
“Dazzle Him: Hottest Date Clothes Ever,” “Buff Your Bod: The Rock
 Overcoming Barriers to Girls’ Talent Development 459

Goddess Way,” and “Beauty Blitz and Major Makeovers: 10 Hot New
Looks—Find the One For You.”
We did buy the magazine, primarily as a way of discussing gender
stereotyping, and we later wrote a letter to the editor about the con-
tent of the articles. Parents must be aware of what their daughters are
reading, watching, and learning about and continue to try to expose
them to appropriate literature, role models, and learning experiences.
A number of resources are included at the end of this article.

Internal Barriers

Numerous internal barriers affect talent development in gifted

girls. They include dilemmas about abilities and talents, perfectionism,
attributing success to luck rather than ability, poor choices of peers, and
a tendency to be overly self-critical. I discuss one of these barriers in
greater depth below.

Hiding Abilities, Doubting Abilities, and Feeling Different

Thomas Buescher, a psychologist who studied gifted adolescent

boys and girls a decade ago, found that while 15% of boys hide their
ability in school, 65% of girls consistently hide their talents. Buescher
found that boys sought ways that they could be recognized for their
abilities in areas like athletics, student council, and honors classes,
while girls did not. My interviews have consistently found that young
girls do not want to be considered different from their friends and
same-age peers. A tendency exists for many females, regardless of age,
to try to minimize their differences because both young girls and older
women have a greater need to be accepted and a need to associate with
people who are like them.
Defying the crowd is the last thing that many girls and women seek
to accomplish. If girls either feel different or are different, most want to
minimize differences through quiet work, avoiding calling attention to
themselves. Parental influences, such as teaching daughters to be modest
or polite, seem to compound this issue. In many interviews, gifted girls
460 parenting gifted children

explained that they did not like to share the news of a high grade or a
special accomplishment because it would seem as if they were bragging.
In one especially poignant interview I learned why Jenny, a gifted
first grader who was reading at a fourth-grade level, was hiding her
reading ability from her teacher. When I spoke to Jenny, I asked her
pointedly if she was trying to hide the fact that she was an excellent
reader from her teacher or her friends. She paused momentarily before
answering, “Both.” She then explained that she did not want to hurt her
friends’ feelings who were not yet reading and did not want to appear
different either to her teacher or her friends. She also explained that
it seemed like she was showing off if she read “bigger, harder books
than anybody else in the class.” To solve this problem, Jenny was paired
for reading instruction and free reading time with a first grader from
another class who read at a similar level.
For many girls, however, the problem is more difficult as they
become older and their talents and gifts set them apart from their peers
and friends. If the school environment is one in which academics take
a backseat to athletics or which is somewhat anti-intellectual, the issue
may be exacerbated. Parents must become actively involved in helping
their daughters recognize and believe that they have talents and abili-
ties that are valued as well as helping them to develop them.

Summary: What Girls and Parents Should Do

Gifted young females should explore careers, further their educa-

tion, and plan and pursue professional opportunities that will challenge
their intellect as well as fit into their personal plans for the future. With
their daughters, parents should explore and discuss the personality
issues and personal choices facing talented girls and women. Personality
development is intricate and complex. What one young girl regards as
an impossible obstacle another may regard as an intriguing challenge.
Many of the women I interviewed were negatively influenced by their
parents’ lack of support for their career preferences so they changed
their career plans; a much smaller percentage of women were so angry
that their parents tried to steer them away from their dreams that
 Overcoming Barriers to Girls’ Talent Development 461

they rebelled and became eminent in their selected areas of endeavor.

Persistence, determination, and inner will are vital characteristics that
gifted females must develop throughout their lives. Exploring how and
when they develop these characteristics will help parents guide their
daughters in these journeys.
Gifted and talented girls should:
•â•¢ be exposed through personal contact and the media to female
role models and mentors who have successfully balanced career
and family;
•â•¢ develop independence and intellectual risk-taking as well as
an understanding of sex-role stereotyping and cultural biases;
•â•¢ be involved in career counseling at an early age, be exposed to
a wide variety of career options, and learn the value of plan-
ning for the future;
•â•¢ become involved in leadership roles and extracurricular activities;
•â•¢ learn various communication styles;
•â•¢ learn to question, speak out, and take action;
•â•¢ learn from mistakes and try again;
•â•¢ discuss with other girls in supportive settings issues related to
gender, success, and academic goals; and
•â•¢ identify a dream for important work and develop a plan to
make that dream come true.

Parents should:
•â•¢ become assertive advocates for their daughter’s interests and
talents;
•â•¢ maintain a proactive, supportive role to support their daughter’s
interests;
•â•¢ encourage humor and positive risk taking;
•â•¢ provide career encouragement and planning;
•â•¢ identify role models in literature and in life;
•â•¢ provide extensive experiences in museums, travel, and interac-
tion with adults;
•â•¢ foster independence and an inclination for creative action;
•â•¢ encourage independent decision making;
462 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ withhold criticism and never make fun of appearance or

weight—parents should not focus on their daughter’s appear-
ance as it sends negative messages about what is most important;
•â•¢ encourage participation in sports, competition, and extracurricu-
lar activities—teach daughters that everybody loses sometimes;
•â•¢ monitor television viewing and media exposure—watch out for
magazines that primarily stress appearance and beauty; and
•â•¢ stay in close touch with the child’s teachers and guidance coun-
selors and closely monitor their academic decisions.

Resources

Books

Cooney, R. P. J. (2005). The times and triumphs of American women. Elizabeth,

NJ: American Graphic.
Cowen, L., & Wexler, J. (1998). Daughters & mothers: A celebration.
Philadelphia, PA: Running Press.

Websites

Girls for Change—http://www.girlsforachange.org

National Girls Collaborative Project—http://www.ngcproject.org/index.cfm
National Women’s History Project—http://www.nwhp.org
National Women’s Hall of Fame—http://www.greatwomen.org
 Chapter 46
Man to Man: Building
Channels of Communication
Between Fathers and Their
Talented Sons
by Thomas P. Hébert

M
y brother is the proud father of three talented boys. I
enjoyed spending time with my nephews Michael, Daniel,
and Brian during a holiday visit with my family. I gained
some valuable insights from my brother and his sons
as I watched all three boys express their emotional feelings differ-
ently. Michael, the oldest son, informed his father during breakfast of
his worry that his best friend might transfer to a private school. For
Michael, this meant they would no longer be walking to school in the
morning, a time recognized by his family as valuable because it was
then that the two friends “talked about important stuff.” Brian, my
youngest nephew, spent an active day playing hockey with his older
brothers and building a snowman with his dad, and later ended his
day watching television with the family affectionately cuddled in his
father’s lap. Daniel, the second son, is different from his verbally expres-
sive older brother and his demonstrative younger brother. Known for
resisting hugs and kisses from relatives, he remained the strong, stoic
type throughout our weekend together. When his grandparents asked
questions, he smiled his usual warm smile, shrugged his shoulders

463
464 parenting gifted children

nonchalantly, and did not offer much information about his school
experiences or his adventures with his neighborhood friends.
My observations of the different ways my nephews communicated
their feelings led me to ask some questions regarding how talented
young men express their emotional feelings differently. Why do my
nephews Michael and Brian operate differently from their stoic brother
Daniel? Why does one brother share his personal worries and another
openly express his emotions, while another remains private and tight
lipped? I celebrate the fact that Michael and Brian are able to express
and to communicate their feelings openly with their family; however,
I realize that my nephew Daniel is perhaps more typical of most young
men today. Since that holiday weekend with my brother and his three
boys, I have questioned how fathers can assist their sons’ emotional
development. I have come to believe that fathers can serve as commu-
nicative role models by initiating and facilitating conversations with
their sons. They also can organize father and son activities that allow
for communication and work to design home environments where
father and son communication is authentic and meaningful.

Why Do Some Young Men Have Difficulty

Communicating Their Feelings?

Researchers and clinicians have offered explanations for why some

males in our society have difficulty in expressing their emotions. Dan
Kindlon and Michael Thompson, child psychologists and the authors
of the 1999 book Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys,
maintained that our culture’s assignment of relationship work to women
has turned emotions into a disregarded “second language” for men. As
a result many men have limited awareness of their feelings or the feel-
ings of others. Not having learned from their own fathers, they find
it difficult to express the love they do feel for their sons. Kindlon and
Thompson indicated that fathers are forced to fall back on what they
have been taught to do with other men—“compete, control, or criticize.”
The problem often begins early in a young man’s life. William Pollack, a
clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, conducted
 Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication 465

extensive interviews in a nationwide study of young and adolescent boys.

In his 2000 book Real Boys’ Voices, he concluded that boys and young
men are not receiving the consistent attention, empathy, and support
they need.
Pollack noted, “We’ve developed a culture in which too often boys
only feel comfortable communicating a small portion of their feelings
and experiences.” In Real Boys’ Voices, a teenager named Graham who
participated in the research described the problem poignantly, “I have
a big group of friends and we’re all pretty comfortable with one another
. . . . But we never talk about our feelings unless something is really up.”
Graham also shared his view of why he think this occurs as he explained,
“Perhaps it’s because their dads raised them not to need anyone else’s
help, and because of that they don’t realize they need help even if they
do.” Graham described how young men need to be able to say, “I’ve got
a problem. I can’t handle this myself. I need to get it off my chest.”

The Problem Also Includes Difficulty

Communicating Feelings About Dad

Graham’s insightful comments are helpful because they shed light

on an important issue: Perhaps boys have difficulty sharing their feel-
ings with friends because they have had little or no practice com-
municating with their fathers. Ralph Keyes, author of the 1999 book
Sons on Fathers: A Book of Men’s Writing, interviewed men about their
fathers and collected written reflections by sons about their fathers. One
man who wrote for Keyes explained the problem of emotionally dis-
tant fathers when he described his relationship with his dad by saying,
“There was always a stiffness in the air between us as if we were both
guests at a party, and the host had gone off without introducing us.”
Keyes pointed out that feelings for his father can be a man’s strongest,
yet these feelings are seldom expressed. He noted, “Athletes never
mouth ‘Hi Dad!’ to TV cameras. Few men tell me that they ever say
‘I love you,’ to their fathers, no matter how much they want to.” Keyes
reminded boys that their fathers are also sons, and they should take
the initiative in expressing their feelings for their dads. He encouraged
466 parenting gifted children

young men to search for a “common ground” with their fathers. He

wrote, “Are you experiencing some of the same things he went through?
Do you have fond memories of time spent together? Say so.”

Why Is This Problem Especially

Important for Talented Males?

All young men may need help in learning to deal with their emo-
tionality and communicate their feelings; however, very intelligent boys
especially need appropriate outlets for expressing their feelings because
of their advanced psychological development. Dr. Linda Silverman, a
child psychologist, indicated that among intelligent young people there
is a high correlation between intellectual giftedness and heightened
sensitivity. Many talented boys experience an abundance of emotional
energy, sensitivity, and strong compassion for others. According to
Silverman, the greatest support fathers can give their highly able sons
is an appreciation of their heightened sensitivity. For these young men,
feeling everything more deeply than others may be painful and fright-
ening; therefore, it is important that dads help their sons understand
that their feelings are normal for highly intelligent youngsters and
teach them ways of expressing their emotions appropriately. Building
healthy channels of communication between a talented young man and
his father is a great way to begin.
Along with heightened sensitivity and emotional intensity, gifted
young men often have deep concerns regarding societal issues. It is not
unusual for gifted boys to worry about social injustice, hunger, poverty,
homelessness, or the troubled environment. Their sensitivity to these
issues may not be valued by other young men their age. Because these
issues may seem overwhelming to a serious, sensitive young man, he
will need the support of a parent who understands why he worries,
appreciates his sensitivity, communicates with him about his concerns,
and assists him in addressing the societal issues that are troubling him.
Healthy channels of communication between father and son will pro-
vide an outlet for intelligent young men to discuss their concerns.
 Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication 467

Consider Activities to Engage in

Conversation With Your Son

If sons are to begin healthy conversations with their fathers, they

will need a home environment that allows them to feel comfortable
holding those conversations. Creating that safe environment requires
dad approaching this challenge creatively. To accomplish this, fathers
should consider an important lesson I learned as an educator. As an
enrichment teacher, I attended a workshop on methods to address the
affective needs of high-ability students. One of the strategies I trans-
ferred back to my middle school classroom was “temperature taking.”
This is an activity in which the students ranked how they were feeling
that day on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 indicating their temperature was
very low, and they were having a difficult time, and 10 representing a
high temperature consistent with how “high” they were feeling about
life in general. I began each class session with this activity and noted
that the girls had no difficulty taking their temperatures and describing
in detail what kind of day they were having. With arms folded, the boys
consistently reported that their temperatures were “5” and when asked
to elaborate, they remained silent and chose to “pass.” After several days,
Greg approached me after class and announced, “Mr. Hébert, if you
won’t stop doing this touchy-feely stuff every day, I’m going to get my
schedule changed and drop this class!” As we discussed his concerns,
I realized Greg thought I’d gone overboard with the affective activi-
ties, and he wanted his hour in the enrichment classroom to involve
more intellectually rigorous activities. I assured Greg that we would
soon begin on a presidential mock election, and I’d keep his feelings
in mind as I planned instruction.
Weeks later, Greg and the other boys in the class were painting
election campaign posters and banners. I grabbed a paintbrush and
joined them. As we painted, I learned of Greg’s concerns about the
unfair way in which his wrestling coach was treating athletes. Greg
also shared a problem he was having with his father and the frustration
he felt with his older brother whom he viewed as “really smart but a
slacker in school.” The other young men in the group also disclosed
important issues in their personal lives. This comfortable conversation
468 parenting gifted children

came from the same students who only weeks before had refused to
open up in the temperature-taking activity! Their involvement in an
enjoyable activity apparently allowed them to feel more comfortable
while talking about serious issues.
My realization of the importance of holding conversations with
young men while engaged in activities should help to enlighten fathers.
Bill Beausay, author of the 1998 book Teenage Boys, agreed that in order
to provoke meaningful conversations with boys, fathers need to get in
the habit of conducting them while engaged in something enjoyable
together. Beausay described an afternoon at home with his teenage
son’s friends “hanging out,” basically being bored. He suggested some
activities that they arrogantly turned down, but when he went outside
and starting shooting baskets by himself, the gang joined him. Beausay
was surprised as he described,

What amazed me most was that as soon as they entered the

court, they wouldn’t stop talking. They were so open during
the game that they answered questions about their families,
girl problems, and money woes. I actually thought for a minute
that I’d invented a new kind of therapy: basketball analysis!

What Beausay had actually done was discover what I learned from
Greg and his friends: adolescent males seldom discuss things. Talking
is something they do while having fun.
Beausay’s insights are helpful. If fathers want to get close to their
sons and help them unload their worries or share the highlights of
their day at school, dads will want to consider doing things together
with their boys. In today’s hectic American household, that may mean
housework or washing and waxing the family car. Whether a father
is teaching his son how to cook chili for dinner or how to get a really
good shine on the linoleum kitchen floor, these are the times when a
son will begin to tell his father about his problems with algebra or the
attractive young woman who is aggravating him in study hall. Steven
Biddulph, author of 2004’s Raising Boys, wrote,
 Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication 469

Quite seriously, doing work with your son—teaching him the

tricks of doing it well, how to be fast and efficient and happy
on making life cleaner and tidier—is a way that a parent and
child can enjoy each other, have good long talks, and pass on
all kinds of wisdom.

Fathers Model How They Express Their Feelings

Sons learn about feelings by watching their fathers and other men.
Boys need to see that fathers have emotions. Dads can share their fears,
say they are upset, and even cry. Boys are trying to match their inner
feelings with outer ways of behaving and need their fathers to show them
how this is done. In a letter written to Steve Biddulph, one man shared
the importance of fathers modeling appropriate emotionality when he
wrote of his experience losing a friend to cancer. His letter read:

I put the phone down and began to fight back the tears. I
walked into the living room thinking: “Is this OK? Is this
how I want my son to see me?” The answer came back: “Of
course, it’s good that he sees me like this.” I asked my wife for
a hug, and stood there holding her and sobbing. I felt my son’s
approach and then his hand on my shoulder; he was comforting
me! It was wonderful. Perhaps seeing me like that will mean
that, when he needs to, he also will have access to the sweet
release of tears. I don’t want him to be bottled up and volcanic
when he meets the inevitable griefs of life.

Are You Really Listening?

Not only do fathers need to be good models for their sons, they also
need to be good listeners. A father listening to his son will do more to
improve their relationship than anything he could say. Young men can-
not always divulge their real thoughts, opinions, and fears because they
aren’t always sure what they are, so fathers need to just listen to them.
470 parenting gifted children

Beausay assured fathers that they can allow their sons to be wrong in
their thinking and how they feel about issues, allow them to struggle
with the feelings, allow them to struggle with expressing their feelings,
and if necessary, allow them to struggle for an extended amount of time.
A father must realize that his son’s willingness to communicate with
his dad about himself and his life is more important than dad’s ability
to appear worldly to his son. Fathers need to listen without speaking,
to listen with their hearts.
Fathers who want to help their sons develop into emotionally
healthy young men need ways to help them create home environments
where father and son conversations are authentic and their sons feel
comfortable expressing their emotions. In addition, mothers who are
raising sons on their own also may want to examine how men com-
municate and apply methods of father-son communication to their
situations. Let’s consider a few strategies to assist in opening channels
of communication with talented young men.

Try Writing Him a Letter

Tucked away in my closet is a collection of letters I’ve received from

my father over the years. He wrote a number of them to me when I
faced important decisions in my life. He wrote others when I expe-
rienced major disappointments. The supportive and loving handwrit-
ten messages from my father are something I continue to cherish. In
this age of electronic mail and cell phones, many of us have forgotten
about the beauty of a handwritten letter. Letter writing is a thoughtful
method of communication more fathers should consider. If a father has
a concern about his son, wants to compliment him, or wants to provide
him encouragement, delivering that message with feelings expressed
in writing can be powerful. A dad can mail the letter to his son, tuck
it between the pages of his favorite magazine, surprise him with it
in his school bookbag, or even deliver it in person. A dad shouldn’t
worry that his son won’t read the letter. A young man’s curiosity will
overcome any resistance to reading a letter from his dad, and a father’s
sincere effort to communicate his feelings will certainly connect with
 Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication 471

his son. The letter will provide a young man with privacy and time to
process through the message delivered by his father, enabling him to
sort through his feelings when he’s ready, and allowing his dad’s letter
to influence his thinking. Take it from me: My father’s did.

Share a Movie

Beausay also suggested that if fathers really want to spend quality

time with their sons, discover how they view the world, and explore
their new interests, it may be wise to consider tubs of popcorn at the
local cinema. A father attending a movie with his son is participating
in a teenager’s ritual, and doing it for the purpose of finding discussion
topics is smart. Big screen actors like Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise,
or Al Pacino can easily furnish hours of father and son conversation.
Movies can provide dads and their sons with stimulating talk about
characters in conflict. Films can deliver great lessons in morality that
fathers and sons can digest together. Films that appeal to a son may be
filled with teenage characters struggling with angst or making major
decisions in life, providing fathers with rich topics for healthy discus-
sion. Movies also can serve as a source of great art for both father and
son to appreciate as well as outrageous exploitation they may both want
to condemn. By attending movies together, fathers will be building an
inventory of thought-provoking topics to trigger great conversations
with their sons.

Share a New Sport or Hobby;

Enjoy an Excursion Together

Some dads will readily admit they have always wanted to start a
collection or begin photography as a hobby but haven’t taken the time
to explore the possibilities. Others confess that they have been want-
ing to learn rollerblading but haven’t found the courage. Fathers may
want to consider sharing new sports or hobbies with their sons. As a
father and son stumble and slide together down the neighborhood’s
472 parenting gifted children

sidewalks or share the excitement of developing their first roll of black-

and-white film in the darkroom, they are bound to enjoy many hours
of good conversation. Imagine how much they will learn about each
other as they explore new ways of having fun together. Through these
experiences working together on a shared interest, fathers will enjoy
many hours of meaningful conversation with their sons that will make
important memories for the two men for years to come.
Fathers also may want to consider a father and son weekend away.
Dads may want to explore new hiking trails with their boys. Some
fathers may prefer investigating a museum with their sons. Others
may want to suggest taking a canoe trip. Some men would delight in
taking a camping trip with their sons. The healthy conversations that
evolve late at night around an open campfire would be worth all of the
hard work involved in carrying out such an excursion. Nothing brings
a father and son closer than an adventure they plan and share together.

Share a Son’s Concern Through a Father-Son Project

Because gifted young men frequently express concerns about serious

societal issues, fathers may want to consider becoming involved with
their sons in addressing these concerns through community action
projects. For example, fathers and sons might enjoy volunteering in a
local homeless shelter, running a marathon to raise money for cancer
research, or working on a construction team to build a home with
Habitat for Humanity. Such projects will allow fathers and sons not
only to discuss the troubling societal concerns but also to take action
on these concerns and share a common feeling of accomplishment.

Take Your Son to Work With You

One of my fondest childhood memories is an overnight trip I took

with my own father many years ago. It was mid-August, and I was
bored with summer and could not keep myself entertained until school
started in the fall. My dad noticed this and suggested that I accom-
 Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication 473

pany him to work. My father was a wholesale electrical, hardware,

and plumbing supply salesman, and every other week his job required
that he conduct an overnight trip through several New England states,
meeting with contractors and providing them with the materials they
needed to conduct their businesses. As a 12-year-old, I had heard my
father share many stories of his customers at the dinner table, and I
suddenly had the opportunity to meet many of the interesting “char-
acters” my father had entertained us with in his stories of the road.
Having packed my overnight suitcase and a hefty supply of my favor-
ite comic books, I enjoyed the quality time on the road with my father as
we traveled from one small town to another. During that trip I learned a
great deal about the man I called “Dad.” I had the opportunity to watch
my father interact with his customers, men who shared their business
trials and tribulations and the joys and tragedies of their personal lives.
I saw my father’s strong interpersonal skills in action and admired his
ability to make his clients feel important. His natural way of expressing
his concern for their well-being and the success of their companies was
obviously one reason my father was so successful as a salesman. Although
neither my father nor I realized it at the time, he provided me with a
model of how a man shares his emotions appropriately in a professional
setting, an important lesson I value today. My father’s lesson is one many
more fathers could share with their sons. Consider taking your son to
work and allow him to watch you interact with the important individuals
in your professional world. What better model can an intelligent young
man ask for than his own father?

Boys Without Fathers Present

With the high percentage of families today without fathers present

in the home, many women in this country face the challenge of raising
boys on their own. Single mothers should feel encouraged by the words
of Ann Caron, author of 1995’s Strong Mothers, Strong Sons. She wrote,
“An adolescent boy wants his mother to believe in him, to be committed
to him and to provide the support he needs to successfully maneuver
through adolescence.” In her research, Caron found that communica-
474 parenting gifted children

tion between mother and son may be different from father and son,
but most boys enjoy talking with their mothers. Because appropriate
modeling of masculinity is important to talented young men, mothers
raising boys on their own may want to consider finding opportunities
for their sons to spend time engaged in activities with male relatives,
neighbors, coaches, religious leaders, or mentors. However, Caron’s
guidance should encourage single moms as she advised, “Remember
talking is not the only way to form close bonds. Enjoy being with him.”

Summing Up . . .

My nephews have helped me to understand how each boy is unique

in his way of dealing with his emotions and being comfortable commu-
nicating his feelings. Students like Greg have also helped me to realize
the importance of creating supportive environments for young men to
talk about what’s going on in their lives. We want talented young men to
have a healthy array of options to express their emotionality and develop
their masculinity appropriately. Dedicated fathers who are part of the
emotional fabric of their families can best teach their sons these options.
With fathers modeling healthy masculine behavior and working to build
channels of communication with their sons, families of talented young
men will benefit from healthy father and son relationships as the men
enjoy meaningful conversations man to man, heart to heart.

Resources

Gurian, M., & Stevens, K. (2007). The minds of boys: Saving our sons from
falling behind in school and life. New York, NY: Jossey-Bass.
Neu, T. W., & Weinfeld, R. (2006). Helping boys succeed in school. Waco, TX:
Prufrock Press.
Tyre, P. (2009). The trouble with boys: A surprising report card on our sons, their
problems at school, and what parents and educators must do. New York, NY:
Three Rivers Press.
 Man to Man: Building Channels of Communication 475

References

Beausay, B. (1998). Teenage boys: Surviving and enjoying these extraordinary

years. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press.
Biddulph, S. (2004). Raising boys: Why boys are different—and how to help
them become happy and well-balanced men. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts.
Caron, A. (1995). Strong mothers, strong sons: Raising the next generation of men.
New York, NY: HarperCollins.
Keyes, R. (1993). Sons on fathers: A book of men’s writings. New York, NY:
Perennial.
Kindlon, D., & Thompson, M. (1999). Raising Cain: Protecting the emotional
life of boys. New York, NY: Ballantine.
Pollack, W. (2000). Real boys’ voices. New York, NY: Random House.
 Chapter 47
Engaging Gifted Boys in
Reading and Writing
by Leighann Pennington

Unlikely Candidates

The Skateboarder: The required wardrobe is black skinny jeans,

skater shoes, and a black Volcom T-shirt. His appearance suggests a
rebel rather than candidate for reading a poem written in the voice of
an adorable puppy.

The Math Genius: He is the stereotypical math genius, with black-

rimmed glasses slipping down his nose. Although his most voracious
interest is in the realm of numbers, he comes to class willing to give
writing a try. How did this boy fall in love with reading and writing
poetry?

The Slacker: When the school year began, he bragged that he’d
never read an entire book straight through before. Now he is making
grand pronouncements like: “Writing with a structured assignment is like
a geometry painting, but free-writing is like an abstract painting,” and
commenting that he feels “intellectual and grown-up.”

The Class Clown: And finally, the one who “acts up,” throwing
erasers and pencils around the classroom—yet now he’s writing
imaginative extra-credit journal entries about how aliens prevented him
from doing his homework.

476
 Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing 477

The boys above are real kids, ages 10–13. Maybe your son is one
of these boys, or maybe he’s all of them? These boys are interested in
many things: action movies, math equations, the latest iPod, sports,
comedy videos on YouTube, comic books, skateboarding, sci-fi, surfing
the Internet, the newest cell phones, and acquiring friends on MySpace
and Facebook. Now they’re interested in reading and writing, too.
Hmmm . . . as a parent, you may wonder, “What happened here?
And how can I recreate this experience to help my son to actually like
(maybe even love) reading and especially writing?” Parents often ask
me: “How can my son improve his writing? How can I engage my child
in reading?” As parents and teachers, we don’t want underdeveloped
verbal skills to become a barrier to success. In order to achieve eminence
in any field today, reading and writing are integral. Academic careers
will run smoother when reading and writing aren’t painful experiences,
but appealing ones.
Let’s begin by discussing why writing is important, especially for
gifted boys, and factors that influence their disenchantment with writ-
ing. The methods included in this article can support and challenge
them. Also included are creative tips to help you create experiences at
home to positively promote writing and influence your son’s experi-
ences at school.

Why Gifted Boys Need Writing

Often writing is not an end in itself. It is not only an academic skill,

but a route to developing identity and self-actualization. Gifted boys
who are frustrated by a prevailing spirit of competition in academics,
sports, and peer relationships may find an expressive outlet in writing
that will benefit their social and emotional well-being along with their
academic writing, and critical and independent thinking skills. For
some boys, writing fiction, poetry, or a song allows for the expression
of feelings, alleviation of isolation, or a connection to others. Finding
out who you are and determining how you can influence the world
around you is an empowering experience, especially for socially and
politically aware gifted boys.
478 parenting gifted children

Connect Writing to Your Child’s Specific Interests

Gifted boys may avoid writing because they are simply more pas-
sionate about a particular area of interest. Like many gifted students,
they often pursue these interests exclusively with intense focus. Some
common interests include: astronomy, inventing, mathematics, dinosaurs,
comic book heroes, architecture, or even designing computer programs
and video games. What is your son’s obsession of the moment? The key
is to use these outside interests as an entry point into reading and writing.

The Power of Parents

The influence parents have on their son’s desire to write cannot

be overestimated. In Real Boys’ Voices (Pollack, 2000), teenager Caleb
wrote:

Writing is hard because you never know if something is good

or if it’s just a waste of time. But it’s really nice when people
encourage you and ask to see your work as soon as it’s done.
My mom encourages me . . .

In their 1993 study of talented teenagers, Csikszentmihalyi and

colleagues related the significance of parental influence and support
to developing talent:

The connection between family members is an instance of inte-

gration, or the stable condition whereby the individuals feel a
sense of consistency and support. Differentiation refers to the
fact that members are encouraged to develop their individuality
by seeking out new challenges and opportunities.

Writing together is a way to integrate and differentiate, connect,

and communicate with your child, while supporting the process of
individuation and developing varied talents.
 Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing 479

Creative Methods for Encouraging Writing

The following are ways to encourage writing at home and to dis-

cover why your son may be disengaged with writing at school and
intervene.

The Handwriting Dilemma

Your son may have messy, even unintelligible handwriting. A teach-

er’s emphasis on neatness and spelling during writing assignments may
turn students off to writing by hindering the flow of ideas. The first
step is getting the ideas out.
One way to get these ideas out is to allow typing at home instead
of writing only by hand. Simply sitting in front of the computer, which
kids associate with games, chatting, music, and Web surfing, will
encourage boys to associate writing with fun. For example, a current
events written response assignment in my sixth-grade social studies
class was met with a groan from the boys—at first. Their view changed
when they found out they could type the assignment, which led to
students rushing to the computer lab, The New York Times Upfront
magazines open, typing out their thoughtful analyses of complex and
informative articles about the space satellite Sputnik, legal debates, and
child soldiers in Africa.

Too Much? Or Not Enough?

Are the writing assignments at school too structured or not struc-

tured enough? Ask the teacher for specific criteria, such as a rubric,
which will determine how your child’s work is graded. Broach the topic
that some writing assignments could be ungraded, such as journaling
and free-writing, allowing for more freedom and less anxiety relating
to the final product.
480 parenting gifted children

Bor-ing?!

Are the writing assignments your child receives at school boring

or uninspiring? Ask the teacher if students can choose from among a
range of options or make up their own writing topic every so often, as
long as it meets the intent of the assignment. Allow your son to express
himself and draw and write in the genres he enjoys reading, such as
comics, fantasy, anime, or science fiction.

Eliminate Writer’s Block

Is your son thinking too hard before putting pen to paper? Get
those ideas out! Map out a story using concept maps, a comic book, or
picture sequence. Discuss ideas first. You can jot down his ideas as he
talks, which then can be easily converted into an outline.

Understand Writing Anxiety

Sit down and write with your child—you might experience the
same fears and paralyzing emotions that prevent your child from writ-
ing and gain insights into the writing process. Ask your child why he
doesn’t like to write. Answers could range from the process of hand-
writing (“My hand hurts!”) to frustration at the mismatch between
mental and physical processing speed (“I can’t get my ideas out fast
enough—my hand moves too slow.”).

Break It Down

If the scope of a project seems too overwhelming, break it down

into smaller pieces, focusing only on the first sentence. Sometimes
when the beginning is intimidating, it is helpful to start in the middle
or at the end.
 Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing 481

Draw It Out

Drawing a picture to go along with writing, which is common in

elementary school, can still be inspiring for writers in later grades. The
excitement of “I get to draw a picture!” distracts from the intimidation
a writing assignment may conjure.

Promoting Writing at Home

Short Assignments

•â•¢ Write a page in the voice of a favorite character from books or

movies. Imitate Donkey from Shrek or Holden Caulfield from
The Catcher in the Rye. Watch a section of the movie or read
aloud from a book to set the stage for inspiration. Many great
writers were inspired by the creative work of others.
•â•¢ Love sports? Write commentary (funny or serious) for a game
on TV, using an “announcer voice.” Support your son by par-
ticipating, whether writing lines or reading aloud.
•â•¢ Send in an article or letter to the editor of a favorite magazine.
•â•¢ Discussing politics is always lively and controversial. Write
a list of questions, interview people, or pretend to be news
anchors covering the presidential debates or members of a
roundtable discussion on CNN.
•â•¢ Write jokes and deliver them on “stage” in the living room.

A Hero’s Journey

Chances are your son loves comic books, superhero movies, or the
TV show Heroes, all of which are based on a hero’s journey. Together,
write a traditional hero story, using the elements of a traditional hero
tale. The hero leaves his typical life, is called to adventure, goes out into
the wild, overcomes obstacles, makes mistakes, and recognizes his flaws.
Ensure that the hero has a tragic flaw that leads to his downfall, and
that the character achieves catharsis, where he realizes his flaw led to
482 parenting gifted children

his tragic ending. Begin by discussing how this played out in a movie
like Spider-Man 3. This step-by-step structure will make writing a story
more manageable, but the varied elements will challenge gifted boys.

Cinematherapy

Watch the movie Finding Forrester and discuss the dilemma the
main character experiences among sports, the way peers view him,
and his interest in writing. Read books that also are movies, such as
Bridge to Terabithia, Because of Winn-Dixie, Tuck Everlasting, The Golden
Compass, The Chronicles of Narnia, A Series of Unfortunate Events, or the
Harry Potter series. Discuss and write about the similarities and differ-
ences between the book and movie in detail.

Plug Into Technology

•â•¢ Build a free website together to publish your child’s writing.

Google Page Creator is attractive and easy to use.
•â•¢ Choose a topic in which your son is an expert, such as dinosaurs,
baseball, or astronomy. Create or edit a current Wikipedia
entry.
•â•¢ Supervise your child in keeping a blog, an online journal, where
he can rant about annoying things, tell funny stories about
what happened that day, or share favorite quotes, music, ideas,
and reviews of last night’s TV shows with friends. Entries
can be set to “private” or “friends only” to protect his privacy.
•â•¢ Build a “Soundtrack of My Life” iTunes playlist. Write a list
of songs that would be on the soundtrack and why they’re
included.
•â•¢ Use a tape recorder or record short videos on a digital camera.
Have your son tell the story to emphasize that writing is not
just about putting a pen to paper, but the act of storytelling,
sharing stories in a communal way.
•â•¢ Listen to a comedian on CD, or watch one on TV or on
YouTube, and then write a comedy monologue. Act out, tape
record, or digitally record and play it on the computer or post
 Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing 483

it on a YouTube profile for friends to see. If he posts online,

be sure to access privacy settings, so only a select few people
can watch the video.

Family Fun Night: Not Just Board Games Anymore

•â•¢ Act out stories your child wrote with family or friends.
•â•¢ Play word games together like Scattergories, SCRABBLE™,
Catch Phrase, or Boggle.
•â•¢ Make up a new board game and write out the rules and creative
background information for the game.
•â•¢ Create a trading card game, like Pokémon or Dungeons and
Dragons, and make up the rules and playing cards with draw-
ings on the front and descriptions on the back.
•â•¢ Add snacks—food always makes things better. Your son can
write advertisements for his favorite snacks. Go out for pizza,
ice cream, or sushi and then write reviews of the food or restau-
rant. Try new flavors in order to describe them. List words on
the back of a business card or napkin. Write on unconventional
materials—sometimes a big, blank white page can be scary and
seems like too much space to fill.

Conclusion

Through these activities, you will get to know your son better and
have fun—exercising creativity while he becomes a better writer. When
writing is transformed from a lonely or isolating activity into a way to
relate to peers and have fun with friends and family, it will be a lot
more enjoyable for everyone!
484 parenting gifted children

Resources

Books and Articles for Parents

Heydt, S. (2004). Dear diary: Don’t be alarmed . . . I’m a boy. Gifted Child
Today, 27(3), 16–25.
Kerr, B., & Cohn, S. (2001). Smart boys: Talent, manhood, and the search for
meaning. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Kindlon, D., & Thompson, M. (1999). Raising Cain: Protecting the emotional
lives of our boys. New York, NY: Ballantine.
Neihart, M., Reis, S. M., Robinson, N. M., & Moon, S. M. (Eds.). (2002).
The social and emotional development of gifted children: What do we know?
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Odean, K. (1998). Great books for boys. New York, NY: Ballantine.
Pollack, W. S. (1998). Real boys: Rescuing our sons from the myths of boyhood.
New York, NY: Holt.
Scieszka, J. (2008). Guys write for guys read: Boys’ favorite authors write about
being boys. New York, NY: Viking.
Silverman, L. K. (Ed.). (1993). Counseling the gifted and talented. Denver,
CO: Love.

Books for Boys

Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz

Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer
Eragon by Christopher Paolini
The Golden Compass—His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman
Guys Write for Guys Read edited by Jon Scieszka
Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling
Hatchet and entire Brian series by Gary Paulsen
Island Boyz by Graham Salisbury
The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick
Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
The Pendragon series by D. J. MacHale
The Redwall series by Brian Jacques
A Wrinkle in Time and companions by Madeleine L’Engle
 Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing 485

Websites

Guys Read—http://www.guysread.com
Hoagies Gifted Education Page Gender Issues—http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/
gender.htm

References

Csikszentmihalyi, M., Rathunde, K., & Whalen, S. (1993). Talented teenagers:

The roots of success and failure. New York, NY: Cambridge University Press.
Pollack, W. S. (2000). Real boys’ voices. New York, NY: Random House.
 Chapter 48
When Overempowerment
Yields Underachievement—
Strategies to Adjust
by Sylvia Rimm

A
t the 2006 National Association for Gifted Children confer-
ence in Charlotte, NC, I was honored to have the opportu-
nity to give a keynote address. My presentation was based
on findings from my clinical experiences in preventing and
reversing underachievement of gifted children and my recent research
with middle school children. Because many parents are unable to attend
our national meetings, I’d like to share a summary of my presenta-
tion with you, emphasizing what I believe parents can do to prevent
overempowerment and underachievement in their own gifted children.

Underachievement Is Not a Mystery

There has been considerable research on the underachievement of

gifted children, and there are many teaching, parenting, and mentoring
strategies that have been proven to be effective in helping to reverse
underachievement and motivate gifted children. Because underachieve-
ment is learned behavior, it can be unlearned. Underachieving is a bad
habit of avoiding effort, but habits can be changed, and motivation can
be fostered, taught, and encouraged. Despite the success of various
approaches, it’s important for parents to realize that it’s rarely easy to

486
 When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement 487

Responsive
High + Low –

++ +– High +
Authoritative Authoritarian
Demanding
––
–+
Permissive
Permissive Indulgent Low –
Unengaged

Figure 48.1. Parenting styles for achievement.

reverse underachievement because children, circumstances, families,

and classroom environments are all complex.

Classic Good Parenting

Classic studies of family environments that led children to high

achievement involved parents who were both responsive and demand-
ing. In her research, for example, Baumrind (see Figure 48.1) labeled
this kind of appropriate parenting as authoritative parenting, which
she contrasted with authoritarian parenting, which she described as
nonresponsive, but also demanding, or permissive indulgent parenting
that was responsive, but not demanding (neither of which was effective
for fostering children’s achievement in school). Most obviously permis-
sive, unengaged parenting also did not foster achievement. Classrooms
that are responsive to children’s intellectual, social, and emotional
needs also lead to high achievement. For gifted children, appropriately
challenging curriculum is an important component of responsiveness
to academic needs.

The V of Love

The V of Love for raising and teaching children is a “common sense”

description that fits well with the conception of authoritative parenting.
488 parenting gifted children

Parents set the limiting walls of the V, but increase power, freedom,
choices, and responsibilities between the walls of the V as children
develop and mature. Thus young children are at the base of the V and
are given few choices, power, freedom, and responsibilities that match
their small size. Childhood and adolescence can be relatively smooth
if children are only gradually empowered. If parents don’t expand the
limiting walls of the V, children are overcontrolled and have little
opportunity to become independently motivated. Authoritarian parents
don’t expand the walls of the V.
Parents of gifted children may easily fall into the trap of permissive
indulgent parenting as envisioned in an inverted V. The verbal precocity
and adultâ•‚sounding reasoning or very high IQ scores of highâ•‚ability
students may tempt parents to “adultize” them early and assume they
are more capable of decision making than their maturity allows. When
the V is inverted, children are given power, choices, and freedom too
early and often make poor decisions that worry their parents. Parents,
too late, attempt to set limits for these powerful children. Ordinary
limits cause them to become angry, depressed, and rebellious because
they feel powerless relative to the power they experienced too early.
They are overempowered and have developed a habit of complete con-
trol. Accustomed to making all of their own decisions, these powerful
children resent parents or teachers who guide them differently from
their own preferences. They are offended by criticism, become defen-
sive, argue only to prove they are right, and underachieve to assert that
teachers and parents are wrong. The following letter from a mother of
a profoundly gifted child provides an example of an overempowered,
strong-willed child.

I have a 7-year-old daughter who is a major challenge for me.

How do you deal with an overconfident child who wants to
change the world right now? I think my daughter is profoundly
gifted. I homeschooled her until this year when she requested
that I put her in “regular” school like “normal kids,” so I did.
She’s in first grade, but could easily be in third or fourth grade.
The school just completed an assessment, and I will get the
results next month.
 When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement 489

My daughter feels she shouldn’t have to go to school or be

homeschooled, and she should just be left alone to pursue her
own ideas and inventions. She’s very angry with me for “wast-
ing her time doing baby stuff” at school. She loves her friends
and the social aspect of school, but feels school is beneath her.
Her teacher is a wonderful, certified teacher of gifted, but my
daughter has recently become disrespectful to her because she
caught her teacher making a mistake about something.
My daughter constantly begs me to convert our garage into
a science lab so she can do experiments to find a cure for cancer.
She packed her suitcase and ran away from home recently. She
got to the end of the street before I convinced her to come back.
She said I didn’t understand and appreciate her desire to be a
famous scientist today—not in the future.
I’m very distressed about this and don’t know what to do.
Have you seen these types of kids before? What’s the best way
to handle them and how do I handle her anger with me?

The Pressures of Giftedness

A great problem for gifted children is that the very same pressures
of giftedness can lead to either high achievement motivation or to
underachievement. These opposite expressions of similar life occur-
rences puzzle parents and teachers. Consider that children with extraor-
dinary vocabulary, unusual thinking, and rapidly developing skills often
are surrounded by adults who praise them or describe them to others
with words like perfect, brilliant, extraordinary, spectacular, genius,
or the conviction that they will surely cure cancer. Those innocent but
extravagant descriptors set values and expectations for children in the
family and in the classroom.
For some children who have appropriate school and home environ-
ments, these words will inspire them to set high goals and work hard
toward those goals. They will learn to enjoy the learning and discovery
process as they mature. For other children, they will internalize these
goals as impossible pressures, be disappointed in themselves, fear risk-
490 parenting gifted children

ing effort, and will invest considerable energy in protecting their fragile
self-concepts for fear that if they made an effort, it would only prove
that they aren’t as intelligent or extraordinary as people assumed. I refer
to this second group of underachieving children as “dethroned” chil-
dren because their personalities and behaviors change so dramatically
from a childhood where they were overpraised and overempowered.

Dethronement

The most difficult hazard of overempowerment is “dethronement.”

When another sibling is born or if the overempowered child isn’t rec-
ognized as special in the classroom, he or she may feel irrationally and
extraordinarily rejected. Dethroned children exhibit negativity, anger,
aggressiveness, or sadness. They may readily be labeled depressed, anx-
ious, or as having Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD).
Their personalities change dramatically and they may literally “shut
down” to learning.
Dethroned children may try to run their families, their teach-
ers, and other students, and they may argue incessantly to “outsmart”
adults. Their parents often refer to them as “lawyers.” Victory in an
argument temporarily restores their throne. As these children trap
adults into the battles, parents and teachers find themselves losing their
tempers. Teachers and parents, offended by such powerful children,
try to “put them in their places.” Adults respond to these oppositional,
offensive children with a big no permanently engraved on their fore-
heads. “Unfair,” the children argue, undaunted. They believe that no
one understands them, and indeed few people do.
Dethronement may happen any time in life briefly, or it may become
long lasting. It truly seems like an altered state and a dramatic change
in the child. Read the following stories about Patrick and Laura for
examples of dethronement at home and at school.
 When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement 491

Patrick’s Story

Patrick, a first “miracle” child born to a couple in their late 30s,

was a delightful, bright baby and toddler, and by age 3 was reading
fluently. His parents enrolled him in preschool, coincidentally, at about
the same time his brother was born. At first Patrick was excited about
going to school; however, whenever he was expected to join in with
other children for a group activity, he resisted and remained alone. The
teachers permitted him time for adjustment, but then they insisted
that Patrick join the class. Patrick ran away from school. The school
officials asked his mother to take him home on the days he ran away.
Patrick ran away multiple times, so the school asked that Patrick wait
a year before entering their school again because they believed him to
be immature. Patrick repeated the problem at a second preschool and
was dismissed again.
At home, Patrick did well with playmates and was very kind and
sweet to his baby brother. He continued to love to play imaginatively
and read and did math prodigiously. His “dethronement” wasn’t obvious.
Patrick’s play evaluation session at Family Achievement Clinic
yielded the secret of his dethronement. He placed his mom and dad
and himself inside the playhouse as he explained that his little brother
could not come in and must stay outside. When I suggested that mom
and dad would be sad without his brother, he sulked and said, “That’s
OK if they’re sad. I don’t care.”
When Patrick ran away from his summer camp, we shortened his
morning temporarily and explained that if he had a bad day, he would
be timed-out in his room at home with his door closed. If he had a good
day, he earned a sticker and some special oneâ•‚toâ•‚one time with his mom
or dad. He needed to experience only one closedâ•‚door timeâ•‚out before
he realized that running away would not bring his sought after parent
attention. We gradually lengthened his day at camp. In his mother’s
words, “I have my old Patrick back again.” The more positive adjust-
ment continued when Patrick enrolled in his third preschool where his
excellent skills were put to use and social needs were met appropriately.
492 parenting gifted children

Laura’s Story

Laura came to the clinic after her junior year in high school. Her
school history showed her to be a perfect A student throughout ele-
mentary school. In middle school she earned a few B’s. She ended her
freshman year in high school with a 3.7 average. During her sophomore
year, she studied less and occasionally missed assignments. Her grade
point average decreased further. She told her father that it made no
sense to study if she couldn’t earn A’s. Her second semester, junior year,
grade point average was 3.0. With F’s on her report card, a 4-year col-
lege might no longer be an option for Laura. Laura’s peer group had
changed from students who were planning to attend college to those
who might never attend and used alcohol and drugs.
Laura’s “dethronement” at home had caused problems for many
years. As a first child, first grandchild, and first niece, she was initially
the designated “queen.” Laura was not happy about the eventual addi-
tion of three brothers whom she bossed mercilessly. Her personality
changed. Temper tantrums were common when plans didn’t work as
Laura wanted them to, and her tantrums were effective for many years
in giving her control of the household. She manipulated her father
against her mother, making her mother feel powerless, as Laura and
her dad blamed her mother for being too controlling. Laura’s mother
withdrew and concentrated her parenting energies on her sons.
Laura didn’t want to see a therapist and was angry, oppositional,
and not forthcoming in answers about her dilemma. When I asked
whether her concern that she couldn’t get A’s had caused her to stop
doing her work, she admitted that had happened in her sophomore
year, but denied it was continuing to affect her now. She claimed she
was confident that she could again earn grades to get her into college,
although she had no idea about what she’d like to do as a career. She
told me that she’d like most to be “a good person” and that was her
only important goal. In response to my question, she said she was like
neither parent and claimed neither understood her. She chose a friend
as a role model who she said had a mother who was understanding.
She denied use of alcohol or drugs, but did not make eye contact with
me as she voiced that denial. When I asked what she might wish for
 When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement 493

if I were a fairy godmother and could grant her three wishes, her first
wish was to be able to control all people, her second for a million dol-
lars, and her third for a guaranteed successful career.
Laura was accustomed to control. Laura’s first dethronement at
home took place when her brother was born. Her second dethronement
happened gradually in middle school and more dramatically after her
first year in high school. Laura could no longer manipulate her angry
father. She felt rejected and turned to a negative boyfriend for comfort,
love, and sexual activity.
Laura’s progress is precarious, but she has separated from her nega-
tive peer group. Her grades are back to mostly A’s, with just one C+.
Her mom and dad are united, and her relationship with both parents
has improved.

Research on Overempowerment

In my survey of 5,400 middle grade children for my book, Growing

Up Too Fast: The Rimm Report on the Secret World of America’s Middle
Schoolers, I found that middle grade children today are growing up in
environments more similar to what their parents experienced in high
school and beyond. The media have prematurely sexualized them. By
third grade, 15% worried a lot about popularity with the opposite sex,
and a similar percentage worried that their parents didn’t understand
them. In earlier generations, such worries were reserved for adolescence.
For third graders at that time, their priorities were pleasing parents and
teachers and playing with children of their own gender. Popularity
wasn’t even a word in their vocabulary. In our clinic, when young, gifted
children are tested and asked to pronounce the word condemn, the
most frequent mispronunciation is condom, and even small children
have wished for “sexy” clothes.
In focus groups with gifted fifth through eighth graders, the chil-
dren indicated they believed they had already made an average of two
thirds of the decisions in their lives. When I asked if they thought their
parents permitted them enough of their own decision making, most
were not contented. Among the fifth graders, more than half (55%)
494 parenting gifted children

were unsatisfied, and by eighth grade, 90% of the students believed they
should have more power. Here are examples of what they had to say:
•â•¢ “My parents won’t listen to me. My dad thinks I should be
treated differently just because I’m a kid. I want the same
treatment as my parents.”—Fifth-grade boy
•â•¢ “I think parents can help us make some decisions, but if we
want to make them ourselves, they should just accept that and
let us do it.”—Seventh-grade girl
•â•¢ “My parents trust my judgment. They might give me some
ideas, but I make 90% of the decisions.”—Seventhâ•‚grade boy

What Parents Can Do to Preserve Early Adolescence

In addition to raising children in responsive environments where

parents set clear limits as in the V of Love, there’s much that parents
can do to help preserve a healthy childhood. My research found that
children with good family relationships, less TV and movie watching,
and more involvement in interests and extracurricular activities were
less likely to be caught up in highâ•‚risk behaviors like drinking alcohol,
doing drugs, and promiscuous sexual involvement. Youngsters who
described their family relationships as above average also were less
likely to be quite as worried about being pretty and popular. That isn’t
to say they didn’t care about these peer issues, but family support and
engagement in positive activities were extremely helpful. Families who
find time to work, play, laugh, and talk together help preserve healthy
childhoods. Of course, you knew that already, but with such busy lives,
many of us may need reminders.

Reversing Dethronement and Underachievement

In my book, Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades and What You Can Do
About It, I proposed a trifocal model in which parents and teachers together
could select from many approaches to reverse their children’s or students’
underachievement when it has been caused by psychological dethronement.
 When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement 495

Reversing Underachievement Alliance

Ally with the child privately about motivations and pressures.

Listen to what the child has to say.
Learn what the child is thinking.
Invite opportunities for recognition of child’s strengths.
Add challenging and interesting curriculum and activities.
Nurture relationships with respectful and appropriate role models.
Create specific consequences, firmly and reasonably, if the child doesn’t
meet expectations.
Emphasize effort, independence, realistic expectations, and ways strengths
can be used to cope with problems.

Figure 48.2. Reversing underachievement alliance acrostic.

Readings with solutions are included at the end of this chapter and the
Reversing Underachievement Alliance acrostic (see Figure 48.2) sum-
marizes important steps to restoring a dethroned child to achievement.
It is important to realize that sometimes the reversal of under-
achievement is almost immediate, particularly among younger children.
Other times, the reversal takes extraordinary patience and seems like
a “two steps forward, one step backward” process. For many under-
achievers, reversing that powerless feeling of dethronement results
in intense and passionate achievement. It’s almost like “awakening a
sleeping giant.” For Patrick at age 4, his mother described the change
as having her old Patrick back again; while for Laura, her success is
not yet entirely clear. Adults who retrospectively recall the reversal of
their child’s underachievement often report—a mentor, a teacher, or a
partner who believed in them.

Resilience

Most parents tell me that they want happy, achieving lifestyles for
their gifted children. They hope their children will find careers that
tap their talents and interests, balanced with relationships that help
them to feel happy and fulfilled. Most parents also understand that
496 parenting gifted children

those goals are not easy to achieve. Successful gifted children will face
many struggles and failure experiences. Their ultimate success will often
depend on whether their lives have taught them resilience.
Dr. Robert Sapolsky, professor of biology and neurology at Stanford
University and author of the book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, discussed
how difficult experiences serve to inoculate people and increase their
resilience. Thus, with small stresses children learn to cope and “vaccinate”
themselves to cope better with the larger stresses that life is likely to deliver.
If we, as parents, overindulge, overprotect, or overempower our children,
we may be withholding the vaccination that can lead them to resilience.

Parents, You Are Very Important to Your Children

No parent is perfect, and, indeed, children remember their child-

hood very differently from how parents remember parenting them. The
mistakes you believe you’ve made may be forgotten by your children,
and what you believe were successful efforts may not even be valued by
them. In my interviews with hundreds of successful women, the women
recalled their parents’ messages and guidance, even as they remembered
occasionally protesting with rolledâ•‚back eyes during adolescence. In
my clinical work with underachievers, parents have returned to share
stories of how their grown children thanked them later for setting the
very limits these children had rebelled against in adolescence. As you
parent your gifted children, consider that your responsibility is not to
be sure they’re happy every day and every hour, but to prepare them
for the resilience, achievement, and balance in relationships they will
require to launch happy adult lives. If you parent with foresight, their
small unhappinesses may vaccinate them with the resilience they’ll
require. Here’s a final story to think about.

A Nerdy, Smart Boy

A long time ago, in the post-Sputnik years when gifted program-

ming was new and was targeted toward science and mathematics, we
 When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement 497

lived in northwestern, rural New Jersey. My new husband was a gradu-

ate student working on his master’s degree in dairy genetics, and I had
just graduated from college and was substitute teaching, hoping to get
my first real teaching job.
Our only neighbors were my husband’s major professor, Bob
Mather, his wife, Martha, who was an elementary school teacher, and
their two children, John and Janet. We would visit back and forth, and
Martha told me about the importance of the new ability grouping for
gifted children. Bob was interested in astronomy and had gotten a
telescope so that he and his middle school children could explore the
starâ•‚studded sky that only a rural area provides.
The children didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time
learning, working, and having fun with their family. I never heard the
parents describe their children as brilliant, extraordinary, or even gifted,
although they did consider them smart. John, particularly, seemed shy
and definitely in the “nerd” category. In his later words, he was a “nerd”
even before others had coined the word.
Astronomy became John’s love. John went to a public, rural school
in a very small school district and chose a small college, Swarthmore,
because he considered it “to be respectable to be a ‘nerd’ there.” He went
on to do graduate work in astronomy at the University of California,
Berkeley. At a time when many college students were busy being hip-
pies or protesting, he graduated with a 4.0 average.
John took a job with NASA. That’s what post-Sputnik gifted educa-
tion was all about, no surprises there, but here’s the surprise! That shy,
timid, nerdy kid, John C. Mather, was later awarded the Nobel Prize
in Physics for his work on the COBE (Cosmic Background Explorer)
satellite that helped cement the Big Bang Theory of the universe and
can be regarded as “the starting point for cosmology as a precision sci-
ence” (Mather & Boslough, 1998). Most parents can’t count on raising
their gifted children to Nobel Prize status. John’s parents didn’t expect
to, either. But perhaps if we can inspire our gifted children to become
engaged in their interests, to work hard, and to be resilient enough to
endure “nerdhood,” they, too, may make meaningful contributions.
498 parenting gifted children

Resources

Baum, S., Renzulli, J., & Hébert, T. (1995). The prism metaphor: A new para-
digm for reversing underachievement. Storrs: University of Connecticut,
The National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented.
Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative control on child behavior. Child
Development, 37, 887–907.
Baumrind, D. (1991). Parenting styles and adolescent development. In R.
Lerner, A. Petersen, & J. Brooksâ•‚Gunn (Eds.), Encyclopedia of adolescence
(pp. 746–758). New York, NY: Garland.
Cod, C. (1992). Motivating underachievers: 172 strategies for success. Beavercreek,
OH: Creative Learning Consultants.
Mather, J. C., & Boslough, J. (1998). The very first light: The true inside story
of the scientific journey back to the dawn of the universe. New York, NY:
Basic Books.
Reis, S. M., & McCoach, D. B. (2002). Underachievement in gifted students.
In M. Neihart, S. M. Reis, N. M. Robinson, & S. M. Moon (Eds.), The
social and emotional development of gifted children: What do we know? (pp.
81–92). Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Rimm, S. (1995). Why bright kids get poor grades and what you can do about it.
New York, NY: Crown.
Rimm, S. (2005). Growing up too fast: The Rimm report on the secret world of
America’s middle schoolers. New York, NY: Rodale.
Sapolsky, R (2004). Why zebras don’t get ulcers (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Henry
Holt.
Siegle, D. (2004). Understanding underachievement. Storrs: University of
Connecticut, The National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented.
Siegle, D., Reis, S. M., McCoach, D. B., Mann, R., Green, M., & Schreiber,
F. (2002). Intervention strategies for improving academic achievement [CD].
Storrs: University of Connecticut, The National Research Center on the
Gifted and Talented.
 Chapter 49
Developing Giftedness
for a Better World
by Joseph S. Renzulli, Rachel E. Sytsma, and Robin M. Schader

Changing the World . . . One Step at a Time

A
s a third grader, Ryan was proud to read the local paper,
sometimes sitting right alongside his father. One evening
he saw an article reporting an extremely large increase in
fines for littering, which led to his questions about why there
needed to be fines for littering when it wasn’t a big deal to simply put
trash where it belongs. Ryan’s father asked him if he had ever been
too lazy to find a garbage can, or if he had seen his friends carelessly
throw things down, and Ryan became a bit defensive. “Well, maybe
once or twice, but no big deal,” he answered. “Well,” said his father,
“what if everyone had the same attitude you do about trash? After all,
one or two pieces of trash still add up. I’ll bet the fine is being increased
because it costs so much to hire people to clean up other people’s mess.”
The conversation continued into dinner. Ryan’s parents speculated
that young kids, with all their energy, might be able to contribute
substantially to the welfare of their small town by actively becoming
involved in this issue. Two days later, Ryan came home from school
with the gem of an idea. What if he and his friends could pick up trash
alongside the road to school on the coming Saturday? That first day,
the four boys collected six bags of trash. One of the mothers sent a

499
500 parenting gifted children

letter to the editor about their contribution, and soon others in school
became involved. A local restaurant contributed free hamburgers for
the kids who joined the next “trash day,” and parents joined as “flag-
gers” for traffic safety.
For many years, our definition of giftedness has been based on the
interaction of three characteristics: above-average (but not necessarily
superior) ability, creativity, and task commitment. In other words, high
ability is not enough to explain giftedness. It also takes an intensity and
focus in a certain area, along with the willingness to try new ideas or
look at something with a different perspective. Gifted behaviors occur
when these three components intersect, and this happens in some people
(not all people) at certain times (not all times), and under certain cir-
cumstances (not all circumstances). We only recently began to turn our
attention to understanding more fully the sources of these gifted behav-
iors and, more importantly, the ways in which people use their gifts and
talents in a constructive and positive way. Why did Ryan contribute
time and energy to a socially responsible project that would make life
better in his community? Can a better understanding of people who use
their gifts for the greater good help us create conditions that expand the
number of people who willingly contribute to the growth of both social
and economic capital? How can parents provide opportunities so their
children develop their abilities in responsible ways?

Social Capital and Gifted Education

Financial and intellectual capital are well-known forces that drive

the economy and generate professional advancement, wealth production,
and highly valued material assets—all important to a capitalistic eco-
nomic system. Social capital, on the other hand, consists of intangible
assets that address the collective needs and problems of individuals and
communities. Continual investments in social capital benefit everyone,
communities and individuals alike, because they help create the values,
norms, and networks that constitute the bedrock of social trust.
What is perhaps most striking when examining the commentary
of leading scholars about economic capital versus social capital is that
 Developing Giftedness for a Better World 501

investments in both types of national assets are necessary for greater

prosperity and improved physical and mental health, as well as a society
that honors freedom, happiness, justice, civic participation, and the
dignity of a diverse population. Robert Putnam, for example, pointed
out that historically the aggregation of social capital has contributed to
economic development. He found that widespread social trust, partici-
pation in group activities, and cooperation created conditions for both
good government and prosperity. Tracing the roots of investments in
social capital to medieval times, Putnam concluded that communities
did not become civil because they were rich, but rather became rich
because they were civil.
Over the latter half of the 20th century, however, striking evidence
indicates a marked decline in social capital in Western culture. Surveys
show decreases over the last few decades in voter turnout and politi-
cal participation, membership in service clubs, churchâ•‚related groups,
parentâ•‚teacher associations, unions, and fraternal groups.
Past research on gifted individuals has tried to address the difference
between highâ•‚ability persons who use their intellectual, motivational,
and creative assets in ways that lead to outstanding manifestations of
creative productivity (such as Edison with the electric light bulb or the
Wright Brothers with the airplane) and those gifted individuals with
similar or perhaps even more considerable assets who do not achieve
high levels of accomplishment. Perhaps the more important question
when thinking about the production of social capital is: “What causes
some people to mobilize their interpersonal, political, ethical, and
moral senses in such ways that they place human concerns and the com-
mon good above materialism, ego enhancement, and selfâ•‚indulgence?”

Operation Houndstooth

In an effort to promote gifted leadership for a new century we

believe that the definition of giftedness should be expanded to include
several traits that characterize persons who have had a profound impact
on the improvement of society. In order to accomplish that goal, we
developed a research project called Operation Houndstooth, which
502 parenting gifted children

has two major phases. The first phase of the project includes clarifying
definitions while identifying, adapting, and constructing assessment
procedures to extend our understanding of six important factors that
emerged from a comprehensive review of the literature and a series of
surveys given to high school students. The six components are described
in Figure 49.1.
Our research has already shown that Houndstooth components
can be found in diverse groups and across age levels. A major assump-
tion underlying this project is that all the components defined in our
background research can be modified under certain circumstances.
Thus, the second phase consists of a series of experimental studies to
determine how we might promote the types of behavior defined within
those six components.
The word “Houndstooth” refers to the complex background pattern
of interwoven factors that have an impact on gifted behaviors. Consider
how the warp and woof of cloth provide strength and pattern. Like
threads, gifted behaviors do not exist in isolation, but develop within
particular situations. Operation Houndstooth was created to investigate
which factors contribute to the positive use of personal assets.
It is important for parents to consider possible ingredients for
giftedness and creative productivity if they are to help their children
develop their potential. We can find many theories and anecdotal
accounts of high achievers that call attention to different components
and conditions for exceptional accomplishment; yet it is still unclear
why certain persons have devoted their lives and considerable talents
to improving the human condition. What contributes to the creation
of persons such as Nelson Mandela, Rachel Carson, or Mother Teresa?
The positive psychology movement, championed by Martin E. P.
Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, focuses on the enhancement
of what is good in life, and the investigation of human strengths and
virtues. The goal is for social science to become a positive force in the
advancement of the highest qualities of civic and personal life.
Operation Houndstooth results from the coupling of this move-
ment’s tenets with a continuing search for key components that give
rise to socially constructive giftedness, especially in young people. We
know these components can have a positive impact on the development
 Developing Giftedness for a Better World 503

OPERATION HOUNDSTOOTH

OPTIMISM COURAGE ROMANCE WITH A TOPIC OR

DISCIPLINE
•hope •Psychological/intellectual
•positive feelings from hard work independence •absorption
•moral conviction •passion

SENSITIVITY TO HUMAN PHYSICAL/MENTAL ENERGY VISION/SENSE OF

CONCERNS DESTINY
•charisma
•insight •curiosity •sense of power to change things
•empathy •sense of direction
•pursuit of goals

diversity
WISDOM balance
SATISFYING LIFESTYLE
harmony

proportion

© Operation Houndstooth
The National Research Center on the Gifted and Talented
University of Connecticut
Joseph S. Renzulli, Rachel E. Sytsma, & Kristin B. Berman
November, 2000 www.gifted.uconn.edu

Figure 49.1. Operation Houndstooth.

of high levels of motivation, interpersonal skills, and organizational and

management skills. In addition, we believe Houndstooth components
support the growth of cognitive attributes such as academic achieve-
ment, research skills, creativity, and problemâ•‚solving skills.
Before discussing how we can create learning environments that
nurture Houndstooth characteristics, we should acknowledge a few
cautions when considering how to instill those traits in young people.
Simply telling children about these more complex capacities doesn’t
work—you can’t teach or preach vision or sense of destiny. We also
should emphasize voluntary student participation in programs and proj-
ects designed to promote the characteristics and behaviors identified
in Operation Houndstooth. Student-initiated service is more powerful
504 parenting gifted children

and engaging than required community service or forcing uncommitted

young people to participate in projects based on someone else’s values.
How then can we promote the capacities represented in
Houndstooth? We suggest that the answer lies in providing young
people with ways to: (a) examine their individual abilities, interests,
and learning styles; (b) explore areas of potential involvement based
on existing or developing interests; (c) find opportunities, resources,
and encouragement for firsthand investigative or creative experiences
within their chosen areas of interest; and (d) become involved in ways
they can see positive traits being modeled by adults. Parents can take
a proactive role in making this happen.
Early characteristics of gifted children that may indicate interest
in socially constructive work include:
•â•¢ observations of “fairness” at school,
•â•¢ a strong sense of right and wrong,
•â•¢ sensitivity to the feelings of others, and
•â•¢ strong awareness of the needs of others.

Examining Abilities, Interests, and Learning Styles

The best examples of positive behaviors identified in the

Houndstooth research have resulted from children who have a good
picture of who they are as students, and how they learn best. Although
academic strengths are usually obvious and well documented through
regular school programs, information about interests, learning styles,
thinking styles, and preference for various modes of expression comes
from thoughtful conversations over time between parents, their chil-
dren, and other involved adults. Guided discussions with your children
about important topics can provide insights into how, where, why, at
what times, and under what conditions each child is best able to learn.
At the same time, the exploration of preferences can help establish a
respect for individual differences. For example, it is likely you and your
child will find that your learning profiles are not the same, yet you both
have found ways to absorb information as well as “show what you know.”
We use a document called the Total Talent Portfolio (TTP) to collect
 Developing Giftedness for a Better World 505

this information. The TTP includes several kinds of information about

a person, including:
•â•¢ academic strengths,
•â•¢ general and specific areas of interest,
•â•¢ learning style preferences,
•â•¢ learning environment preferences,
•â•¢ thinking style preferences, and
•â•¢ preferred style of expression.

Exploring Areas of Potential Involvement

Houndstooth capacities develop when students become passionately

involved in an area of personal choice. The best way to promote such
involvement is to expose young people to dynamic experiences within
their general area(s) of interest. Parents who are familiar with what their
child likes to do outside of school can help stimulate their child’s curios-
ity about a variety of topics. The 2003 book Child’s Play: Enriching Your
Child’s Interests, by Monica Cardoza, explains how activities outside of
school can be good starting points for developing interests. The author
suggests that, if your child enjoys a particular activity, it will be wise
to explore it in all its detail, looking into its offshoots or variations. For
example, if your child studies ballet, you might encourage her or him
to research other forms of dance, to read about the history of dance, or
to study famous dancers, costumes, or music.
Another way to encourage in-depth involvement is by visiting
places where creative activity is taking place. Business offices, film
and television studios, research laboratories, publishing houses, art-
ists’ studios, and backstage visits to theaters are just a few examples
of places where you can take your child to see creative people at work.
Once again, understanding your child’s interests and learning styles
helps you become more effective in focusing and stimulating interests.
In the vignette at the beginning of this article, Ryan’s father was aware
that his son loved the challenge of finding many different solutions to a
problem and then figuring out what would work best. The two of them
spent most of dinnertime talking about “trash” (e.g., fines, recycling,
waste facilities, machines).
506 parenting gifted children

Participation in lively discussions about controversial issues, events,

books, and media presentations is another way to stimulate opportu-
nities for intensive follow-up. Listening to a house guest talk about
his passion for sustainable agriculture/aquaculture in Third World
countries recently motivated two high school students to contact an
organization that provides materials and training for rooftop gardens
in Mexico City. As a result, one of them spent a summer working with
families and then, upon returning home, the two friends began a club
to train other students in their city in specialized gardening techniques.
Children who talk about work in which they are interested often
have “stars in their eyes.” They frequently recount clever and creative
ways in which they overcome obstacles. For example, one young musi-
cian who had organized groups of other musicians to play in rural
elementary schools talked about arriving at a school without a tuned
piano and having to adjust the program to include awareness of sound
quality and the joy of beautiful music, rather than focus the perfor-
mance on pieces that included the unplayable piano. As a result, a
young student at that school sought out a piano tuner, learned about his
craft, and collected funds to have the school piano tuned on a regular
schedule so the whole student body would benefit. The main message
should always be: “Find an interest and get involved.” Being a gifted
contributor is not a spectator sport!

Providing Opportunities

Parents who see emerging interests in their children and then spend
time learning about what excites their curiosity can offer opportunities
for the development of those interests. For example, when a father first
learned of his son’s concern for homeless children, he included his son
in a Rotary Club lunch meeting about famine. Later the two of them
watched a documentary on national poverty. As his son continued to
ask questions, this father sought out more and more ways to help his
son learn. He clipped relevant articles from newspapers and magazines,
and even sent letters with clippings when his job took him away from
home. He commented on conversations he heard at work, and openly
encouraged his son’s burgeoning interest.
 Developing Giftedness for a Better World 507

Becoming Involved Oneself

The best role models for good How Can Parents Help
works are parents. The father Encourage Houndstooth
described above, an accountant, Characteristics?
signed up as a regular volunteer
right alongside his son at a local • Discuss, brainstorm, and explore little
soup kitchen. As a team, they ways to help make a difference.
have now created a schedule and • Search out biographies of people who
have made a difference (see http://
organized a committee to col-
www.achievement.org).
lect donations from restaurants • Bring up topics such as “What is
around town that can then be used fairness?” in conversations with your
for soup kitchen lunches. In these child.
cases, two underlying themes are • Help scaffold and build your child’s
“we can make things happen” and interest by searching out opportunities,
finding resources, and helping him or
“we can instigate positive change.”
her meet and work with appropriate
Perhaps the most important out- people (adults and other students).
come is the sheer enjoyment along • Read or watch the news together and
with learning problem-solving discuss current events (not focusing
skills that children can glean on negatives or seemingly hopeless
from addressing issues outside the situations).
realm of conventional classroom
subjects.

Are the Goals of Operation Houndstooth Realistic?

If, as studies have shown, self-interest has replaced some of the values
that created a more socially conscious early America, and if the negative
trends of young people’s overindulgences and disassociations are growing,
then we must ask if there is a role that parents and schools can play in
gently influencing future citizens, and especially future leaders, toward
a value system that assumes greater responsibility for the production of
social capital. In spite of our best efforts to identify students for special
programs, it is still difficult to predict who will be our most gifted future
contributors to our world. So far as the work on Operation Houndstooth
is concerned, the possibility exists that by expanding our conception of
508 parenting gifted children

giftedness beyond traditional high-scoring test takers and good lesson

learners, we will find as rich a source of high potential young people in
the broad and diverse populations of nonselected students as we find in
students traditionally selected for gifted programs.
Understanding how positive human attributes develop is especially
important because it will help us direct the educational and environ-
mental experiences we provide for the potentially gifted and talented
young people who will be in a position to shape both the values and the
actions of this new century. Although the whole notion of changing the
big picture seems awesome and overwhelming, the words of Margaret
Mead remind us that it can be done: “Never doubt that a small group
of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world . . . indeed, it
is the only thing that ever does.”
Parents have the opportunity—and the responsibility—to interact
with their children in positive and future-oriented ways. Perhaps one
of the most important things we can do for our children is to empower
them to shape their own futures. In so doing, we will instill in them
the motivation to help create a better society, or even a better world.

Resources

Burns, D., Purcell, J., & Schader, R. M. (September, 1999). Parents, teachers,
and the talent portfolio: Making curriculum modification and differentia-
tion a reality, Parenting for High Potential, 6–7, 30.
Purcell, J. H., & Renzulli, J. S. (1998). Total talent portfolio: A systematic plan
to identify and nurture gifts and talents. Mansfield Center, CT: Creative
Learning Press.
Rogers, K. B. (2001). Re-forming gifted education: Matching the program to the
child. Scottsdale, AZ: Great Potential Press.
Seligman, M. E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2000). Positive psychology.
American Psychologist, 55, 5–14.
 Developing Giftedness for a Better World 509

References

Cardoza, M. M. (2003). Child’s play: Enhancing your child’s interests, from

rocket science to rock climbing, stamp collecting to sculpture. New York, NY:
Citadel Press.
Putnam, R. (1993). Making democracy work: Civic traditions in modern Italy.
Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
Putnam, R. (1995). Bowling alone: America’s declining social capital. Journal
of Democracy, 6, 65–78.
 Chapter 50
Getting Your Child Involved
in Volunteering
by Barbara A. Lewis

E
lephants are big. Second graders are small, but the size difference
didn’t look like a hurdle to a group of feisty 7-year-olds at Vidya
Elementary School in Petaluma, CA. Their teacher, Diana Lightman,
introduced the kids to their giant-sized friends in class, but it was
one of the parents who took over after their teacher tucked the elephant unit
away in a file cabinet.
When Steve Quirt’s son, Mark, cried into his pillow one night because
he loved elephants so much, Steve picked up on his son’s intense interest and
decided to do something about it. Steve, Mark, and some of Mark’s friends
started a club for elephants. The kids chose to call themselves FOWL (Friends
of Wildlife) and continued to meet through high school. In the process they
saved many elephants in Africa, Asia, and the U.S. that would have been
destroyed without their fundraising efforts. The FOWLers were responsible
for more than 1,000 letters being mailed to Washington, DC, that helped
bring about the ivory ban in 1990.

Aside from the contribution to the natural world, the FOWLers’

self-confidence soared in leadership positions and in their personal
lives. Their achievement in school increased as well. A key factor in
their success might be explained by counselor and educator, Linda
Silverman: “Service is a need of the gifted. When gifted children find
their paths of service, they experience a deep sense of fulfillment, as if
there is a reason that they are here.”

510
 Getting Your Child Involved in Volunteering 511

Service can provide a vehicle for kids to develop “successful intel-

ligence,” what Robert Sternberg describes as the ability to succeed in
life and to make contributions. Service also can help kids develop their
cognitive abilities such as reasoning and being able to analyze problems
around them. By learning to understand and to care for other things,
children also can expand their emotional intelligence.
Research has shown that kids involved in service increase their
social responsibility and have more positive attitudes toward adults and
others, enhanced self-esteem, growth in moral and ego development,
complex thinking, and mastery of skills. Service has even helped kids
raise math and reading scores and reduce drug use among their peers.
One criticism sometimes voiced against allowing children to get
involved in this type of problem solving (i.e., volunteer service) is that
it might frighten children as they become more aware of problems.
However, children are bombarded with problems in comic strips, on
TV, in the newspaper, in books they read, and in watching life itself.
Often they feel helpless.
Contrary to feeling helpless, volunteering can help reduce
the amount of anxiety a child experiences. Reports from both the
Wisconsin Center for Environmental Education and Washington State
University found that kids aren’t overwhelmed with worries when they
are participating in the solutions. They believe problems can be solved
and that they can help solve them. The researchers found that children
who took action to protect the environment had higher feelings of self-
esteem and control over their lives.

Fostering a Desire to Serve

What can you, as a parent, do to foster in your children a desire

to serve?
•â•¢ Set an example. Children might not jump into service projects
unless they have seen their parents serving. When parents
serve others by taking soup to a sick neighbor or by raking
leaves, they should allow their children to help. It can be messy.
Children spill soup and redistribute leaves across raked grass,
512 parenting gifted children

but the development of the child is more important than the

service rendered by the child.
•â•¢ Encourage and reward service at home. When your child picks up
his or her socks and puts them in the hamper, you might say,
“Thank you, you have helped you and me, and now I’ll help you.”
By labeling kind behaviors as service, your child can begin to
understand that service is a valued and rewarded behavior. By
offering to do something nice in return, your child begins to
learn the concept of showing gratitude as a return of service.
•â•¢ Take time for night-time talk. Lie down with your child when he
goes to bed. Talk about the events of the day in your child’s life.
Ask him about the best things, the worst things, what made
him mad or happy, what was funny. If your child is reluctant
to share, you might try offering some of your own childhood
experiences, including an emphasis on how you solved some
problem. As your child begins to open up to you, refrain from
judging or giving solutions. When your child mentions a prob-
lem, you might ask, “What did you do to solve it?” or “What
do you think you will do from now on?” Congratulate your
child on his good thinking.
•â•¢ Discover the interests of your child. Parents who expose their chil-
dren to a variety of interests through reading, playing together,
and taking excursions often can uncover the talents and pas-
sions of their children. These are obvious things to do, but it
shouldn’t stop with uncovering your child’s interests. When
Steve Quirt discovered his second grader’s intense interest in
elephants, he guided and extended his son’s interests into mak-
ing a contribution.
•â•¢ Take scavenger hunts for problems. When a parent takes a walk
with a child, it might be turned into a problem-solving session.
This should not be confused with a doomsday, everything-is-
wrong session. It should be upbeat and positive with an empha-
sis on solution finding. For example, you might say: “There
are some gum wrappers on the street. I wonder how they got
there? What should we do?” Scavenger hunts provide suspense
for kids and can lead them into service through removing litter,
 Getting Your Child Involved in Volunteering 513

planting trees, raking leaves, shoveling walks, helping seniors

or others in need, helping animals, and so on.
•â•¢ Plan a family service project. Brainstorm problems with your
children. Who needs what? Look at different categories such as
family members (grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles), neigh-
bors, seniors, homeless, orphans, schools, neighborhood or
home safety, environment, and others. Keep asking questions
to encourage creative thinking. Write down all of their answers.
You can let your children vote on one project, or you can direct
them to a project.

Once your children decide on a project, allow them to brainstorm
solutions. Write down all answers, even wild and crazy ones. Then dis-
cuss which solutions seem like the best ones to do. Allow the children
to select which parts they want to be in charge. You can make a chart
with each person’s responsibilities. Check them off as they are done
and award a service badge or other reward.
•â•¢ Encourage service opportunities in school. Visit your child’s teacher.
Find out what the class is studying and offer to extend this
unit into a service project. School service projects that are
attached to learning can be both encouraged and funded by
the federal government through the Corporation for National
and Community Service, “Learn and Serve.” For example,
suppose your child’s teacher plans to prepare a unit on the
history of your state or community. Students could extend
that knowledge base to a service project by collecting stories
of what grandparents or seniors remember of the community,
compiling the stories in a book, and contributing their book
to the school library or local historical society.
•â•¢ Outside of school, families can join a church or faith community or
other service organization that provides opportunities for youth
and adult services. Encourage your child to join clubs, summer
camps, or other community youth organizations. The scout-
ing program invites service through merit badge requirements.
Boys’ and Girls’ Clubs, 4-H, and other youth organizations
also encourage service. If you volunteer in your child’s club
514 parenting gifted children

experience, you can ensure the kids’ participation in service

experiences. Additionally, universities or summer education
extension programs often provide opportunities for youth
service.
•â•¢ At home, practice table talk, TV news talk, and book talk. Simply
discussing issues with your children at the dinner table can
encourage their interest in service. This activity will be a more
valuable experience if you ask them their opinions on topics and
often will generate all kinds of ideas for service. For example,
you might be watching the news on TV together when you
hear that one third of the children in your community are not
immunized against childhood diseases. Ask you child’s opin-
ion. Then say, “Is there something you could do to help?” This
could result in your child making a flyer and passing it around
the neighborhood to announce locations and times where kids
can be immunized for free. It might result in your child writing
a jingle on getting immunized and sending it to a local radio
station or drawing a poster and getting permission to hang it
in a grocery store or other building.

Setting Up a Project

•â•¢ Brainstorm with your child possible problems that need solving.
Determine his or her interests and concerns.
•â•¢ Brainstorm solutions with your child. Allow your child to choose
his or her own solutions.
•â•¢ Direct your child’s interests by asking questions so that they come
up with the answers. For example, a child might see a stray cat
or dog. You might ask, “Do you know how you can tell that
an animal doesn’t have a home?” You might then discuss the
physical appearance of the animal and even some instructions
on not petting stray animals and why. Then you might ask
something such as, “What could we do about it?” It might
lead the child to call the humane society to find homes for
abandoned pets or to provide a better habitat for cats. Or it
 Getting Your Child Involved in Volunteering 515

might be something as simple as taking care of the neighbor’s

family cat when they go out of town.
•â•¢ Refrain from judgment, from being the expert. Allow your child
to discover answers. The more leadership experience you allow
your child in directing his or her own volunteer service, the
more growth you will see.
•â•¢ Be a good facilitator. This means that you might call an organiza-
tion ahead of time to lay the foundation for your child’s phone
call to volunteer. Set up a certain time when your child can call
and talk with a specific person. You also can find out ahead of
time the kinds of things your child might do to volunteer. Then
allow your child to think of the same ideas by asking questions,
or let your child express his or her own ideas.
•â•¢ Always keep the veto power. Obviously, if your child chooses to
paint over graffiti in a dark, crime-infested alley in the worst
section of town, you have the right to say, “No way!” But you
also might redirect his or her interest into a safer activity such
as asking the police to act as chaperones as your child paints
over graffiti, starting a graffiti awareness campaign at school,
or organizing a graffiti removal activity at school.
•â•¢ Help your child brainstorm a list of things to do to accomplish the
service. Number them in order of importance.
•â•¢ Help your child research up-to-date information about his or her
volunteer interests. Your child can conduct interviews, make
telephone calls, and look on the Internet and at other sources.
•â•¢ Help your child seek the appropriate permissions and background
information he or she needs before setting out. For example, before
kids decide to make chocolate marble cupcakes for the seniors
in a retirement or nursing home, they better find out if there
are any food allergies or if the home allows such things.
•â•¢ Try to remove the major obstacles. Is there anyone who might not
want your child volunteering? If your child wants to clean up
a junky lot, it would be important to find out how neighbors
feel and who owns the land so that your child can get their
responses. Most people want to help children, but they might
not like being taken by surprise.
516 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ Relax and have fun. Remove pressure and enjoy the experience
with your child.
•â•¢ When the project is done, discuss the experience with your child.
How does he or she feel about it? Would your child do it again?
What might he or she do differently? To help your child reflect
on the volunteer experience, encourage him or her to record
the experience in a journal or on videotape, write a poem, or
draw a picture. This step is important because it will help your
child find meaning in what he or she does.
•â•¢ Celebrate your child’s success. Go out to dinner, go sledding, have
a water balloon fight, buy a book, or take off your shoes and
walk in the mud together.

Resources

Learn and Serve America—http://www.learnandserve.gov

International Service Learning—http://www.islonline.org
National Service-Learning Partnership—http://www.service-learningpartnership.
org/site/PageServer
Volunteer Match—http://www.volunteermatch.org
 Chapter 51
Debunking the Myths of
Suicide in Gifted Children
by Andrea Dawn Frazier and Tracy L. Cross

P
opular culture perpetuates myths that people with gifts and
talents are more susceptible than others to psychological dis-
tress. This is readily evident in movies such as Little Man Tate
or Searching for Bobby Fischer. One such myth is that talented
and gifted people burn too bright to live long lives. Yet, published
research up to this point has not proven this to be the case. Likewise,
suicide in gifted youth is relatively unstudied and/or misunderstood.
That being said, what can you do? The good news is that you can take
proactive steps in working to safeguard your son or daughter against
the dangers of despair so dire that she or he ultimately is successful in
completing suicide. Although suicide can be difficult to talk about, this
is our attempt to provide you the educative tools necessary to engage
your child and the communities surrounding your child in an important
conversation of this nature.
Surprisingly, children as young as 5 have been successful in taking
their lives. Out of 100,000 young people between the ages of 15 and 24,
approximately 10 will be successful in committing suicide. Moreover,
the American Association of Suicidology (http://www.suicidology.org)
estimates that for every successful suicide, there are 25 unsuccessful
attempts. Suicide rates among adolescents and young adults (individu-
als aged 15–24) increased more than 240% between 1950 and 1995.
Currently, suicide is the third leading cause of death in adolescents.

517
518 parenting gifted children

That being said, suicide rates within this population have been decreas-
ing consistently since 1994.

Terms and Definitions

Suicidal behavior is best understood as at least four categories of

behaviors. The first group of behaviors exists under the umbrella suicide
ideation. Individuals who are ideators spend considerable time think-
ing of killing themselves. Those who are gesturors make attempts on
their life, although they are not serious attempts. People are considered
attemptors when they make serious but unsuccessful attempts to take
their life. Finally, individuals who are successful are labeled completers.
Although these definitions may give one the idea that suicide is
a process that is linear, this is, in fact, far from the case. Researchers
who study suicide, or suicidologists, believe that one must ideate about
suicide before attempting it. However, ideation does not necessarily
lead to gesturing. Some go as far as gesturing and then stop. Others
make serious attempts on their life and stop there.
Finally, you have those individuals who are successful in tak-
ing their lives. The rates at which adolescents ideate, gesture, and
attempt to take their life are not known at this time. Much of the data
currently reported only focuses on children who were successful in
completing suicide. Suffice it to say, although it may seem that teens
are on a runaway train when it comes to suicide, they can make the
decision to get off.

What We Know About Gifted Youth and Suicide

At present, suicidology, or the study of suicide, does not have a great

deal to say concerning suicide among gifted youth. This is in part due
to the invisibility of giftedness in many school settings and an inabil-
ity to fix on a consistent definition for “giftedness.” Current numbers
concerning suicide in teens do not comment on whether students were
gifted. Moreover, data are generally collected after a suicide attempt
 Debunking the Myths of Suicide 519

has been completed. Often, the information about the young person
is too sensitive for researchers to gain access to it.
Some researchers have made unsubstantiated claims that certain
characteristics surrounding giftedness could make adolescents pre-
disposed to suicide. These characteristics include becoming totally
absorbed in school work, feeling the need to be perfect, and being
extremely isolated from peers because the child is an introvert and/or
awkward socially.
On the other hand, researchers including Tracy L. Cross, Karyn
Gust-Brey, P. Bonny Ball, and Jerrell Cassady have not found that young
people with gifts and talents have more suicidal ideation than their non-
gifted peers. Cross and his colleagues would temper this with the fol-
lowing sober conclusions about suicide among gifted and talented youth:
•â•¢ Adolescents are committing suicide; therefore, gifted adoles-
cents are committing suicide.
•â•¢ The rate of suicide has increased over the past four decades for
the general population of adolescents within the context of an
overall increase across all groups; therefore, it is reasonable to
conclude that the incidence of suicide among gifted adolescents
has increased over the past decade, keeping in mind that there
are no definitive data available on the subject.
•â•¢ Given the limited data available, we cannot ascertain whether
the incidence of suicide among gifted adolescents is different
than its incidence in the general population of adolescents.

Thus, when it comes to identifying risk factors for suicide in gifted
teens, the prudent path would be to examine risk factors for suicide in
the general population.

Risk Factors for Suicide in Gifted Youth

Activists with the Suicide Prevention Action Network USA (http://

www.spanusa.org) contend that 90% of all suicide cases are due to
depression or some other psychological disorder. The National Mental
Health Association puts that number between 30% and 70%. The
520 parenting gifted children

common denominator between these groups is the understanding that

depression and the presence of other psychiatric disorders like manic
depression or bipolarism play a large role in whether or not young
people will consider suicide.
Something to keep in mind is the fact that depression comes in many
different guises in children. It is only in late adolescence and early adult-
hood that depression expresses itself in ways that have been traditionally
portrayed; thus, it is at this time that a young person may be more prone
to considering suicide as a means of ending his or her forlornness. In
adolescence, suicide ideation is anger and emotional pain turned inward.
In younger children, anger is expressed more overtly; therefore, it should
be extremes in anger that should serve as warning signs for depression.
This includes rebellion and a strident defense of personal autonomy in
the middle adolescent years, and, for preadolescents, anger is coupled
with being muddled or mercurial. Essentially, preteens and teens should
not stay within a narrow realm of emotional expression. Please resist the
temptation to go along with conventional wisdom and see extremes in
behavior as typical of gifted youth. They are not.
Some further risks associated with depression are drug and alcohol
use (in the attempt to self-medicate) and a family history of suicide
or other psychological disorders. Likewise, teens who are in constant
trouble with the law or who are in other ways troubled are more prone
to consider suicide. In fact, troubled adolescents are between 33% and
61% more likely to commit suicide than their untroubled peers. Finally,
if a young person has weathered a loss in the family; if someone close
to her or him successfully commits suicide; if she or he identifies as gay,
lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered; if there is easy access to dangerous
weapons; or if there has been an emphasis on suicide in the media, these
are red flags for suicide ideation.

Theories About Suicide

It is a natural inclination to look toward a tomorrow, to foresee the

future. Thus, it is no easy feat to lose the will to live. Suicidal people are
waging a war within themselves concerning whether it is worthwhile to
 Debunking the Myths of Suicide 521

see another day. Several researchers have theorized about how people
traverse this ambiguous path about living.
Those who support a cognitive explanation for suicide can allege
that young people who do not have adequate problem-solving skills
and face agonizing dilemmas begin to feel hopeless. Children caught
in this way of thinking begin to see suicide as the only real alternative
to which they have access. Researchers in support of contemporary
psychodynamic theory suggest that people attempt suicide as a means
of escaping conflict and mental stress. Finally, researchers who advance
an existential theory for suicide contend that young people consider
suicide when they feel their life lacks meaning. This lack of meaning
can cause teens to feel useless, hopeless, and depressed.
The Suicide Trajectory Model by Judith Stillion and Eugene
McDowell condensed the previous conversation concerning potential
risks into four risk factor categories. Biological factors are risk factors
like depression or a family history of suicide. Psychological risk fac-
tors deal with issues like low self-esteem and a sense of hopelessness.
Cognitive risk factors are factors like poor problem solving and rigid
thinking. Environment factors center on risk factors like the presence
of lethal weapons and events that happen in the life of the family col-
lectively or the child individually. Stillion and McDowell contended
that the level of an interaction among these four categories of factors
determines whether or not a young person will attempt suicide.

Warning Signs That an Adolescent May Be Suicidal

Warning signs are a bit different from risk factors. Risk factors
highlight the areas in a young person’s life that may make him or her
prone to considering suicide as a viable option. The activists with the
Suicide Prevention Action Network USA have created the following
list of behaviors that are the overt signals that a young person may—at
the bare minimum—be ideating about suicide:
•â•¢ talks about committing suicide;
•â•¢ has trouble eating or sleeping;
•â•¢ experiences drastic changes in behavior;
522 parenting gifted children

•â•¢ withdraws from friends and/or social activities;

•â•¢ loses interest in hobbies, work, and school;
•â•¢ makes out a will and final arrangements;
•â•¢ gives away prized possessions;
•â•¢ has attempted suicide in the past;
•â•¢ takes unnecessary risks;
•â•¢ has had recent severe losses;
•â•¢ is preoccupied with death and dying;
•â•¢ loses interest in personal appearance; and
•â•¢ increases the use of alcohol or drugs.

Please bear in mind two things. Firstly, exhibiting one of these
warning signs is not enough to point to a child ideating about suicide.
It would be irresponsible to say, for example, that taking more risks
means that a young person is considering suicide. However, if you see
an adolescent exhibiting several of these characteristics, it is time for
you to intervene.
Secondly, this is not an exhaustive list. It would be dangerous to
say that a youth has not thought about suicide at all in the absence
of any of these signs. We are all unique beings. There will never be a
list that captures our complexity. So, you as a parent must be on your
guard and be prepared to take action.

What Can You Do?

More often than not, people will work to communicate their sor-
row to the outside world. Hence, it is vital you recognize the language
symptomatic of suicide and intervene. How would you do that, you
ask? Quite simply, you have to talk about suicide.
And this is where it gets hard, because suicide is a difficult thing
to talk about. For a variety of reasons, be it religious beliefs, cultural
mores, or personal reluctance, many of us are hesitant to delve into
this grey area. However, our willingness to move past our boundaries
and take this great personal gamble can make all the difference in the
world.
 Debunking the Myths of Suicide 523

Please rest assured of one thing. Having an honest conversation, or

several, exploring thoughts concerning suicide does not make this act
more attractive. The way to begin is to ask your child whether she or he
has thought about suicide. If your child confirms that suicide has been
on his or her mind, ask if he or she has a plan. These two questions can
let you know what your son or daughter is thinking and the immediacy
of danger. Use direct language, and be prepared to hear unpleasant
things with as much of a calm demeanor as you can muster. Once you
have ascertained that your child is, in fact, considering suicide, with all
speed find a professional who can help your son or daughter through
this tenuous time. Stay this course despite any opposition you might
meet. Finally, do not discount the observations of others. A teacher or
best friend sees different sides to your child on a regular basis. They
are full of very valuable insight.
To conclude, due to a lack of any published research stating that
suicide is a different phenomenon for gifted youth, we can rely on the
prevailing means of identifying and treating gifted and talented children
who are ideating about suicide. Enlist the aid of professionals and peers
to provide safe environments for and identify the mental health needs of
your child in particular and young people in general. Communication
and intervening in a young person’s life is the best defense we have for
preventing loss of life to suicide. So, when in doubt, act.

Resources

Books and Articles

Cassady, J. C., & Cross, T. L. (2006). A factorial representation of suicidal

ideation among academically gifted adolescents. Journal for the Education
of the Gifted, 29, 290–304.
Cohen, L. M., & Frydenberg, E. (2006). Coping for capable kids: Strategies
for parents, teachers, and students (Rev. ed.). Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Cross, T. L. (2008). Suicide. In C. M. Callahan & J. Plucker (Eds.), Critical
issue and practices in gifted education: What the research says (pp. 629–640).
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
524 parenting gifted children

Kitano, M. K., & Lewis, R. B. (2005). Resilience and coping: Implications

for gifted children and youth at risk. Roeper Review, 27, 200–205.
Neihart, M. (2006). Dimensions of underachievement, difficult contexts, and
perceptions of self-achievement/affiliation conflicts in gifted adolescents.
Roeper Review, 28, 203–209.

Websites

American Association of Suicidology—http://www.suicidology.org

Mental Health America—http://www.nmha.org
Suicide Prevention Action Network USA—http://www.spanusa.org

References

Cross, T. L., Gust-Brey, K., & Ball, P. B. (2002). A psychological autopsy of

the suicide of an academically gifted student: Researchers’ and parents’
perspectives. Gifted Child Quarterly, 46, 247–264.
 Chapter 52
A Counselor’s Perspective on
Parenting for High Potential
by Jean Sunde Peterson

K
atie was in a discussion group geared to the social and emo-
tional concerns in her school’s program for the gifted and
talented. She summarized her experiences in writing at the
end of her senior year:

Although I’m not very open, hearing other kids talk opened
my eyes that some things I’m going through are things other
people struggle with, too. Discussion group has benefited me
more than you can ever know. When we discussed stress and
its effect early in the year, and you mentioned eating disorders,
I realized I had a problem. My parents still don’t know. It took
me 3 months to ask for help, but through my interaction with
the kids in the group, and knowing that not everyone will turn
away from me because of it, I was able to at least accept myself,
instead of hurting myself more.

Katie subsequently did inform her parents, and she received help.
She had learned that concerns could be discussed and that others, too,
were wrestling with stress.
High ability certainly does not preclude burdensome stress, of
course. Besides experiencing the usually manageable stressors related
to relationships and responsibilities, students may feel under siege or
hypercritically examined in particular environments. Certainly there

525
526 parenting gifted children

are gifted individuals who are bullied, demeaned, or traumatized, or

who feel great disappointment, despair, or pressure to perform. There
are a multitude of potential stressors, as any parent knows. Life events
and circumstances may result in loss of trust, innocence, or a secure
childhood, and there may be other losses as well. They or close friends
may relocate and close relatives or pets may die. Siblings or parents or
gifted students themselves may have severe disabilities and illnesses.
Gifted children and adolescents are not exempt from stressful life
events. In fact, simply having exceptional abilities can be stressful
some or much of the time.
The sensitivity and intensity that have been associated with high
ability may exacerbate difficulties associated with these circumstances
and events. Even “normal development” can dramatically unsettle those
who are bright and capable. Rebounding from traumatic experiences
may be especially complex and intense in gifted individuals, although
various dimensions of their intellect also may contribute to resilience.
Unfortunately, in programs for gifted students, social and emo-
tional development usually receives less emphasis, if any at all, than
does academic or talent development. Even parents may forget that
their bright and productive children need and deserve guidance in
regard to social and emotional development. I will argue here, from
a counselor’s perspective, that affective concerns of the gifted should
not be discounted either at school or at home, and I will emphasize
what parents can do to enhance the development of their children
in nonacademic areas. However, I will begin with some context and
perspectives concerning child, parent, and family development.

Developmental Tasks and Stressors

This article is based on a rich trove of information contributed by

gifted students themselves. For several years, I led weekly small-group
discussions with gifted middle and high school students, involving more
than 100 students each year. These groups were semistructured, with a
focus each week, usually associated with a developmental task. Often a
brief paper-and-pencil activity introduced the topic for the day. Groups
 A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential 527

discussed areas such as sibling and peer relationships and developing

social competence, identity, direction, and eventual separate-but-con-
nected differentiation from family. They did not just “hang out” in the
groups, and, because of the structure, no group members dominated the
discussions. With no pressure to participate, several shy students attended
regularly and comfortably without offering much verbally. Group mem-
bers taught me about their concerns, some of which I will discuss before
offering some suggestions about parenting high-potential children.
These students had impressive strengths: intellectual agility, keen
insights, unique ways of thinking, creative talent, leadership skills,
and athletic ability. Although these strengths were usually advanta-
geous, they sometimes also contributed to “burdens,” including heavy
expectations from themselves and others. For some, those expecta-
tions afforded little room to take reasonable social or academic risks.
In addition, sometimes their strengths exacted a social price in their
complex interpersonal world. At various developmental junctures they
examined their internal and external worlds (their inner thoughts and
feelings and their external behavior, activities, and relationships).
Most important, their strengths and sense of differentness had
kept many of them from accepting that they and their age peers were
all dealing with developmental challenges—and that, in spite of their
own intellectual or other strengths, they and their classmates had much
in common developmentally. At the same time, adults’ preoccupation
with their achievement and productivity suggested to some that social
and emotional development was not worthy of discussion, as one group
member expressed in writing:

In school no one teaches us anything about what most kids are

thinking about all the time—relationships. It’s sad to think we
have no classes or places where we can discuss that. We need
to learn how to deal with people, not just words and numbers.

Gifted adolescents are especially prone to wrestling silently with

developmental stress, but our discussions revealed many stressors. One
male remarked at the end of his group experience, “You end up talking
528 parenting gifted children

about things you kind of wanted to, but never could.” A female wrote,
“Sometimes when I don’t know what to do with myself, it helps just to talk.”
The gifted students in these groups seemed to believe that only
individuals with a level of ability similar to theirs were able to under-
stand and be trusted. Yet even with able peers they may not communi-
cate concerns unless a safe context is created. They also may not be able
to articulate their concerns. The students I worked with appreciated
having a safe place to “practice” articulating developmental stressors.

Sensitivities and Intensities

It may be helpful to consider the impact of exceptional ability

on development. High ability normally provides a certain amount of
control over one’s surroundings. Verbal ability, for example, can help to
explain, convince, excuse, and manipulate. General intelligence helps
to understand one’s environment. However, developmental transitions
may challenge that sense of control. For example, the complexities of
puberty and sexuality, relationships, and new environments may seem
overwhelming at times. Having many choices and multiple talents also
may be burdensome, especially when seeking a perfect decision about
college and career, for example. Even entering kindergarten, moving
from a small to a larger school, changing from having one teacher
to having more than one, going to a summer camp, or entering high
school may be formidable challenges for individuals who respond to
life in extremely sensitive ways. Life’s transitions involve change, and
change involves leaving something behind, perhaps with unrecognized
grief responses. At times, parents need to step back and consider the
transitions their children are experiencing. Then they can help their
children make sense of the experiences.

Parallel Development: Child and Family

Everyone in a family is developing simultaneously, of course, includ-

ing each parent, stepparent, or guardian. Each family member’s develop-
 A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential 529

ment affects other family members and family dynamics in general. Each
must adjust to all others in the family. For example, Son begins high
school and experiences a growth spurt; Older Daughter is a precocious,
physically mature seventh grader; and Younger Daughter begins kinder-
garten at an older age than her classmates because of the age requirement
in the state they just moved from. Dad, already frustrated with the job
he just moved to, considers starting his own business. Mom, with all
children now in school, considers finding a job, but worries that she
will need to be flexible to attend periodically to the deteriorating health
of her mother, who has diabetes, in a distant city. Each family member
represents a place on the continuum of development across the lifespan.
Some individuals and families are not nimble in making devel-
opmental adjustments. Adults, for instance, may experience unset-
tling anxiety upon entering midlife, facing employment decisions and
transitions, losing a parent to death, being aware of health concerns, or
anticipating retirement. At the same time, their children are experienc-
ing unique, and sometimes extended, developmental moments. The
developing family also may be preparing to launch an oldest or youngest
child into the next stage— kindergarten, adolescence, college, or mar-
riage, for instance. Conscientious, education-oriented, economically
successful families may experience as much trouble with developmental
transitions as do families who lack leadership and organization—or
even more. Developmental shifts can feel out of control to families
who are used to being organized and successful. Parenting is only one
of several aspects of family life that must be adjusted accordingly.

Parents Themselves

Parents’ own issues can affect their parenting. Uncomfortable mem-

ories about loneliness, shyness, academic or social “failure,” bullying,
traumatic losses, or family moves might contribute to anxiety as their
children enter the years where they themselves experienced problems.
Similarly, parents may anticipate positive experiences for their children,
based on their own school successes or relationships with peers and
teachers. Such memories may mean ready support for the system, but
530 parenting gifted children

also may mean that parents cannot relate to their children’s interper-
sonal or academic difficulties at school.
When one or both parents are immoderately absorbed in their
children’s lives, children may feel pressure to perform and meet parents’
needs, and they may not be encouraged to explore their own identity or
interests. Parents need to recognize that their own and their children’s
strengths differ. They also need to set good boundaries with their chil-
dren, recognizing where their child’s responsibility begins and where
their own ends, in the interest of allowing enough autonomy for healthy
growth and appropriate differentiation. Knowing when to encourage
a child to solve problems independently with peers, teachers, siblings,
coaches, or employers, for instance, can contribute to a sense of con-
fidence and competence in the child. Knowing when not to rescue a
child who forgets to bring something to school has the same potential.
On the other hand, bright and talented children can be given
too much deferential treatment. Parents, awed by their gifted child’s
adult-like wisdom, might even rely on the child to make major family
decisions. Young gifted children may assume heavy household respon-
sibilities—because they are so capable. In some situations, parents
behave as if their children were their peers, confidants, or even parents.
Although the children may seem to function well in these roles, not
being able to trust adults to be reliable, competent, and adult-like dur-
ing stressful times may contribute to insecurity. Parents can forget that
adult-like children still need comfort, nurturing, and guidance. When
parents assume appropriate parental roles, children are free to act their
age, feel secure, and eventually move comfortably into adulthood.

Suggestions for Parents

From their parents, the students in my discussion groups wanted

calm attention and support, uninterrupted communication, respect, and
sensitivity to feelings. They wanted parents who were not distracted,
constantly evaluative, condemning, or absent. They wanted to feel OK.
Based on these themes, and other experiences as a counselor of gifted
 A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential 531

individuals and their families, I offer the following suggestions to par-

ents of gifted children and adolescents.

Communicating Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Wise parents help their children to know that being loved does
not depend on performance. They are valued for being, not just doing,
even though the children find satisfaction in accomplishments and feel
their parents’ pride. Their achievements are not central to their parents’
self-esteem and do not need to be compensation for their parents’ pasts.
Their parents have enough of a life of their own not to be dependent
on, or to overvalue, their children’s accomplishments.

Listening—Really Listening

Nonjudgmental listening is one way to convey unconditional accep-

tance. It may be as important in parenting as providing material com-
forts or accessing enrichment activities. Listening helps parents to enter
the child’s world. It invites, rather than squelches, communication. In
addition, a good listener learns from the speaker, who becomes teacher.
Listening also models crucial relationship skills. Active listening is hard
work and takes energy, commitment, concentration, and poise. It means
paying attention to words and feelings. If a problem is being presented,
a good listener avoids rushing in to fix the problem with advice or solu-
tions. Statements (e.g., “I’ll bet that was frustrating” or “So, he sort of
shocked you”) take precedence over questions, which tend to control
conversation. Good listeners also use open-ended questions (e.g., “How
did you accomplish that?” or “What should I understand about this?”)
instead of closed questions, which generate yes/no responses (often
beginning with Do/Did, Is/Was/Were, or Have/Had, such as “Did
you tell her?” or “Were you wearing your jacket?” or “Have you done
your homework?”). They invite elaboration (e.g., “Tell me what hap-
pened”), and avoid “Why” questions (e.g., “Why didn’t you just tell
him?”), which may provoke defensiveness. They recognize that often a
child just needs a listener, and they make themselves available for that.
532 parenting gifted children

Supporting the Trip, Not Just the Destination

Wise parents support process, not just products. They give feedback
about effort, creativity, and investment and are interested in their chil-
dren’s experiences and insights during the process, not just at the end
of projects, reports, or tests. In order not to contribute to preoccupation
with external evaluation, they encourage activities that are not graded—
even in the form of parental praise. They model a process-orientation
themselves, enjoying the trip, not just the destination, when doing their
own projects, job assignments, or midlife transitions.

Taking Note of Negative Messages

I have listened to adolescents tell about parents’ strong messages,

both positive and negative. Actually, I have heard more about the
negative messages, because they are loudest. The sensitivities present
in many gifted children help parental messages to have thunderous
impact. For example, perfectionistic children may increase their self-
critical tendencies in response to their parents’ evaluation and criticism,
which can mask parental feelings and concerns, including love, fear,
and protection. Unfortunately, demeaning, critical language is used to
control children in some homes.
Changing the language used with children—perhaps altering cross-
generational patterns—can improve household climate and lessen stress
in children. When achievement is the only topic of conversation, a
child is likely to perceive that personal worth depends on achievement.
By contrast, children who sense that they are loved foremost and suf-
ficiently as son or daughter will not be paralyzed by fears that they will
be disowned for poor performance. Parental love will be understood as
unconditional—not dependent on grades, awards, or perfect behavior.
Parents can say, “I’m so glad you’re my daughter/son” or “I’m so glad
you were born” or “I love you—you don’t have to do anything to have
my love.” Parents also can say, when their children return from school,
“Tell me about your day,” instead of “Did you get an A on the test?”
 A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential 533

Modeling Effective Coping With Stress

Children learn how to cope with stress partly through observation.

When parents respond to stress by being irritable and critical, having a
foul temper, chronically condemning the boss, or running away through
work, substance abuse, withdrawal, depression, or other absence, these
behaviors serve as powerful lessons for the developing child. Children
benefit when parents model unambiguous expression of feelings (e.g.,
“I’ve been feeling sad about Grandma’s situation lately” or “I feel like cry-
ing when I think about that” or “I’m angry about what happened”), rather
than translating sadness into anger, for instance, or anger into sadness,
irritability, stubbornness, manipulation, or passive-aggressive inaction.
Parents are wise when they demonstrate that feelings do not have
to be denied or displaced. They validate their children’s feelings with
comments like “I can see you’re sad (or angry, stressed, frustrated) about
that.” They communicate that it is acceptable to feel and that feelings do
not last forever and are survivable, although practice may be required
for coping effectively with them. Going through feelings gives children
important experience with feeling. However, when feelings interfere
with functioning or are potentially life-threatening, whether for parents
or for children, counseling and possibly medication are recommended.
Gifted children, because of others’ preoccupation with “reaching
their potential,” may not be encouraged to “just play.” Children are
fortunate when parents make sure that they do not forget how to play.

Modeling Independence, Risk, and Dealing With Mistakes

Wise parents model appropriate risk-taking, including venturing

into territory where competence is not yet established, such as sign-
ing up for language classes, hanging wallpaper, building an arbor, or
installing a bathroom fixture. When something does not work out as
planned, or mistakes are made, they are kind to themselves (e.g., “Oops.
Guess I goofed”). They give their children permission to explore—and
make mistakes (e.g., “Give it a try. It’s OK if it doesn’t work out”).
Children benefit when allowed to solve problems on their own. Making
choices and even stumbling are important educational experiences that
534 parenting gifted children

contribute to resilience and self-confidence. When parents overfunction,

doing for their children what the children could do for themselves, the
latter may learn to be dependent, fear failure, and avoid taking appro-
priate risks. Concerned parents, wanting to protect the self-esteem of
their talented children and to ensure success, can easily fall into these
patterns. Even overscheduling children may take away opportunities
to learn to conquer boredom themselves and organize their own lives.
Wise parents recognize when they are arranging activities for their
children to meet their own needs, instead of their children’s.

Modeling Respect for Others, Including Institutions

Parents convey attitudes about the future work world, as well as the
present school world, in their everyday comments. Those who dispar-
age their workplace, authority figures, community institutions, and the
school system should not be surprised when their children are cynical
about work, school, and the system. It is important to help gifted chil-
dren understand the system. They can be anthropologists, observing
and drawing conclusions about how their school functions and how
children relate to one another and to teachers. Just as children can be
helped to appreciate and interact with diversity, so, too, can frustrated
students be helped to understand that teaching a classroom of students
with wide-ranging abilities is not an easy task for teachers. Parents
also can raise their children’s awareness that there are many kinds of
intelligence, including some they may not have themselves. Maybe they
should visit the industrial technology area at school.
Parents can help their children figure out how to advocate for
themselves, including how to thank teachers who are helpful. Because
children and adolescents need to have the school system work for them,
parents can encourage them to use their intelligence to figure out how
to get what they need from the school system. When parents need to
intercede for their children, they are wise and discreet. When families
and children “shoot themselves in the foot” by being disrespectful of
teachers and administrators, their needs are not met, and they have
then sacrificed themselves to the institution.
 A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential 535

Not Being a Needy Parent

Nurturing children, setting appropriate limits, and providing stable

leadership all require poise and focus. Parents who are emotionally
needy themselves may have difficulty focusing on their children’s needs.
In fact, children may find themselves meeting a parent’s emotional
needs, rather than vice versa. Wise parents know that it is not unusual
for their children to be angry with them at times. Not having their own
self-esteem dependent on their children’s affirmation helps parents to
remain composed when anger is directed at them. Parents can validate
anger as a legitimate, important feeling and encourage appropriate
and acceptable expression and resolution of it, such as through talk-
ing, writing, physical activity, or structured conflict mediation. Those
strategies are usually much more effective, long term, and less harmful
to relationships than dealing with anger indirectly or with tantrums.

Encouraging Them to Talk With Someone

All parents probably hope that their children will talk to them when
in crisis. Unfortunately, even in the best of situations, circumstances
may create doubt about parents’ ability to understand. Wise parents
anticipate this and encourage talking to someone—a school counselor,
a teacher, a coach, someone in the clergy, or a grandparent, for example.
Such permission might save a life.

Recognizing Strengths

Wise parents are alert to moments when they can genuinely affirm
their children’s strengths, not in a general or superficial cheerleading fash-
ion, but rather in the form of credible statements about specific strengths
(e.g., “You have good people skills” or “I appreciated your flexibility when
we changed our plans”). Intelligence, which researchers have found to be an
important factor of resilience, can be noted, as well as interpersonal skills,
curiosity, insightfulness, tolerance for ambiguity, concern for others, and
perseverance. Children pay attention to their parents’ definitions of them,
and genuine comments about strengths are remembered.
536 parenting gifted children

Conclusion

Parents and educators should, of course, be alert to situations that

warrant seeking help from a mental health counselor, clinical social
worker, marriage and family therapist, clinical or counseling psycholo-
gist, or psychiatrist. That action would be appropriate and perhaps
urgent when a gifted child or adolescent displays symptoms of depres-
sion, an eating disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or obsessive-
compulsive disorder, for example. A good guideline is to seek help when
situations or behaviors interfere with living effectively. The following
might reflect problems that require professional attention, depending
on frequency, duration, and severity:
•â•¢ isolation, withdrawal, avoidance, anxiety;
•â•¢ aggression, impulsivity;
•â•¢ somatic complaints;
•â•¢ mood disturbances;
•â•¢ difficulty forming or maintaining relationships;
•â•¢ low tolerance of frustration;
•â•¢ unusual apathy, sadness, hopelessness;
•â•¢ dramatic changes in sleeping, eating;
•â•¢ inability to concentrate; and
•â•¢ repetitive behaviors, such as washing, checking, ordering.

Problems related to life events, perfectionism, interpersonal dif-
ficulties, developmental transitions, or school behavior also might war-
rant the attention of a mental health professional. Parents need only to
ask the questions and provide information; they can leave assessment
to the mental health providers. Their cooperation, including respect
for the counselor-client relationship and possibly being involved in the
treatment plan, will be important in the healing process.
School counselors can offer options and referral resources as well
as short-term counseling, because they are trained counselors as well
as developmental guidance specialists. In fact, school counselors might
provide a positive initial counseling experience, in a familiar environ-
ment, that paves the way for further work with mental health providers
outside of the school setting. Parents should be aware that one school
 A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential 537

counselor may be responsible for more than 500 students and may not
be able to sustain regular counseling over an extended period of time.
According to current literature, gifted individuals are probably no
more likely than the rest of the population to need interventions for social
and emotional concerns. Nevertheless, these concerns deserve attention.
Parents can advocate for an affective dimension in their school’s program
for gifted students, most easily and efficiently delivered in the form of
regular small-group discussions focusing on child and adolescent devel-
opment. Programs also can sponsor periodic group workshops with an
engaging mental health professional, and gifted education teachers and
school counselors can cofacilitate large- and small-group discussions. As
a result of these activities, behaviors and feelings associated with gifted-
ness may be normalized, and school counselors also can become more
familiar with the concerns of gifted youth.
Parents can likewise contribute to the mental health of their chil-
dren by heeding the points presented in this article. Parents are the
most crucial social and emotional support system for gifted youth.
When social and emotional concerns are deemed as worthy of discus-
sion as academic and talent concerns, parents help to prepare their
children for present and future relationships and help them to maintain
emotional balance as well.

Resources

Johnson, K. (2001). Integrating an affective component in the curriculum for

gifted and talented students. Gifted Child Today, 24(4), 14–18.
Lovecky, D. (1992). Exploring social and emotional aspects of giftedness in
children. Roeper Review, 15, 18–25.
Neihart, M., Reis, S. M., Robinson, N. M., & Moon, S. M. (Eds.). (2002).
The social and emotional development of gifted children: What do we know?
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Peterson, J. S. (1995). Talk with teens about feelings, family, relationships, and the
future: 50 guided discussions for school and counseling groups. Minneapolis,
MN: Free Spirit.
Peterson, J. S. (1998). The burdens of capability. Reclaiming Children and
Youth, 6, 194–198.
538 parenting gifted children

Strop, J. (2000). The affective side of gifted students’ development: Do we need

to teach students intrapersonal and interpersonal skills? Understanding
Our Gifted, 12(4), 16–17.
 Chapter 53
Goodness of Fit:
The Challenge of Parenting
Gifted Children
by Andrew Mahoney

A
s a counselor and family therapist who has spent more than
20 years working with gifted and talented children and their
families, I was excited when asked to discuss the challenge
of parenting the gifted. I was reintroduced to how complex
and substantial the challenge is of parenting the gifted child. In my
practice I provide counsel and support to parents daily. What the par-
ent brings is a host of differentiated needs, issues, and struggles that
can’t quite be solved with marginal everyday solutions or a quick fix.
Parenting a gifted child requires the same level of differentiation as we
can hope to find educating or counseling the gifted.
Defining and understanding the challenge of parenting the gifted is
a daunting charge. With such an array of issues, where a parent begins
can be a challenge. Some parents want to let go and hope for the best,
while others may cling to their fears and overmanage their child’s life.
Reaching a balance is complex. The parents in this case may benefit
from a differentiated model tailored to their child.

539
540 parenting gifted children

The Gifted Identity Formation Model

The Gifted Identity Formation Model (GIFM) was developed with

this process in mind. This differentiation model is designed for parents,
counselors, and individuals to address the complex needs of the gifted.
Presented here are sections of the model to conceptualize and explore the
challenge of parenting the gifted and provide practical means to address
the challenge. The basis of the model is to provide a framework to assist
in meeting the differentiated needs, what I have termed a goodness of fit,
a term borrowed from the research literature. The challenge comes into
play when a parent has to find the right fit to meet the exceptionality of
a gifted child. Goodness of fit results when there is a match between the
differentiated needs of an individual and what is provided or available to
meet those needs, leading to a fulfilled potential and content self.
The four constructs in GIFM are validation, affirmation, affilia-
tion, and affinity. I refer to these as the underpinnings or processes
involved in meeting needs and forming one’s identity. In this case we
are exploring gifted identity and creating a goodness of fit.

Validation

Validation is the process of corroborating exactly what giftedness

is for the child, knowing more specifically how the child is gifted, and
what vulnerabilities come along with that giftedness. So, to have a valid
self as gifted, whose needs are met, requires knowledge and assessment
that is more than just an IQ score or having a label attached. This is a
critical piece for parents, to have an appropriate view or complete profile
of the child’s giftedness. This may involve extensive testing and assess-
ment and an ongoing process of recognizing your child’s uniqueness.
Validation is the first step in meeting needs.

Affirmation

Affirmation is the process that involves the challenge, effort, and

enrichment (e.g., acceleration programs, advanced study, mentoring
relationships) of the child. This approach fits with the child’s gifts and
 The Challenge of Parenting Gifted Children 541

takes into account the vulnerabilities associated with his giftedness.

This also could be referred to as a matched challenge.

Affiliation

Affiliation involves the need for belonging, how gifted children

find others of like mind, nature, or ability. This is a critical struggle
for many gifted children and is relevant to meeting educational needs.

Affinity

The last construct, affinity, is the child’s purpose or calling in life.

This is not the parents’ desire for what the child should do with his
or her gifts or others’ expectations, but the child’s affinity (i.e., also
referred to as purpose, calling, or will to meaning). Meeting affinity
is about what engages the child to meet needs and fulfill self. Affinity
also is important in understanding what motivates a gifted child.
In order to conceptualize this challenge and use the four con-
structs listed above, I have synthesized some of the critical and more
frequent needs of the parent of the gifted in the form of four questions.
Each of these questions parallels the constructs. These questions were
formulated based on the research literature, my extensive experience
working with parents, and from an analysis of hundreds of collected
questions from presentations I have delivered to thousands of parents
of the gifted (at every parent presentation I ask parents to write down
their critical questions that brought them to hear me speak. I have
collected these questions over the years and identified issues that are
central to parents of the gifted).

Applying the Constructs

How does a parent reconcile having expectations that are appropri-

ate, while at the same time matching the expectations the child does
or doesn’t have regarding the process of developing his or her own self
as a gifted individual? (Validation)
542 parenting gifted children

This reconciliation is a twoâ•‚part process involving an appropriate

validation of how your child is gifted and then understanding your child’s
perception of being gifted. In validating your child’s giftedness, you
are taking the first and most critical step to meeting his needs. For
parents, validation involves reading literature about giftedness, and
possibly seeking consultation. For the gifted child, validation includes
formal assessment and testing conducted by a trained neuropsychologist
or psychologist (with experience testing gifted children), and appropri-
ate educational experiences. These steps can ease parental anxieties and
guide parenting intervention.
Validation is an involved and ongoing process. Gifted children
develop differently (asynchrony of development) and often do not fol-
low a normal trajectory. Rigidly fixed perceptions about your child’s
giftedness may lead to not meeting his or her complex needs. Many
parents will acknowledge giftedness in their child and then never revisit
what that means as their child grows. I have repeatedly seen parents
of gifted adolescents who have held the exact same perception of the
child’s abilities since they were preschoolers. This type of fixed view
often leads to the conflicts involving expectation.
The second part of the validation process involves a child’s own per-
ception and expectations regarding giftedness. This awareness will vary
greatly for each child. When a gifted child does not have an appropriate
validation of self as gifted, her expectations will not match her needs.
Validation therefore is critical in selfâ•‚advocacy. It is imperative that
the child explores what giftedness is and understands his strengths or
vulnerabilities in relation to his giftedness. A reconciliation of expec-
tations comes from a process of validation that is comprehensive and
addresses the differentiated nature of your child’s giftedness, along with
an awareness of your child’s perceptions of giftedness. Reconciliation
now occurs through an appropriate process of validation, providing
expectations that fit with the nature of your child’s giftedness.
How do parents provide the right mix of stimulation, challenge,
and effort without feeling as though they are overburdening or accel-
erating their child too far or not enough? (Affirmation)
Refer back first to the construct of validation. Do you have an accu-
rate and realistic view of your child’s learning and developmental profile?
 The Challenge of Parenting Gifted Children 543

Once this is established, a parent can begin the process of providing the
right mix of enrichment, acceleration, and accommodation to support
that challenge. You also must explore what is available to your child and
work toward creating an experience with a goodness of fit. Focus on
finding opportunities or offering to help provide support and resources.
In many cases there will be struggle; however, the approach taken can
make a big difference. First, accept the realities of the situation and view
them as an opportunity rather than a challenge or a struggle.
The affirmation process involves finding both an appropriately chal-
lenging curriculum and enriching activities, and identifying subtleties
in your child’s abilities. For example, the gifted child with undiagnosed
executive functioning problems or learning disabilities may demon-
strate the clear need for acceleration, but once receiving that provi-
sion can fail miserably. This typically happens because the appropriate
assessments were not provided, so the framework needed for that child
to take advantage of the acceleration was thwarted. This also can occur
due to the denial that gifted children can be vulnerable, asynchronous
in development, or possess learning problems or disabilities.
When communicating with teachers and institutions, the goal
should be to create alliances rather than build adversarial relationships
that can lead to negative perceptions. I caution parents on a regular
basis that society still grapples with gifted education, a discipline that
has yet to evolve into a complete discipline and matriculate through
the educational system as a whole.
How does a parent assist his or her child with feeling a sense of
belonging without trying to make the child fit in? (Affiliation)
The whole idea of fitting in is one that really challenges parents,
because there is this desire to have your child feel accepted, have friends
and be social, all of which are understandable goals. Unfortunately, the
intense need on the part of the parent to have this occur can seriously
compromise who your child is and where he or she will actually find
affiliations. The norm is to use chronological age as a guide; for the
gifted child this is not, and should not be the case. I have seen many
parents hold very ingrained beliefs about their children needing to be
with chronological peers. This can be one of the hardest ideas of differ-
entiation to grasp. This also is the area where parents believe the child
544 parenting gifted children

will suffer the most ridicule and alienation for his or her difference, so
the need to fix the problem becomes heightened and intensified. For
many gifted children, the solution will not be as simple as being in a
gifted program, although that is a crucial piece to meeting affiliation
needs, as well as for learning. Some gifted children need their parents
to create affiliations for them, connecting through other means such
as searching out parents with similar children who also are seeking
connection. This takes intention and effort; I remind parents who are
working on this that being gifted often brings the necessity to think
outside the box to solve problems and get results.
How do parents motivate a child without compromising the child’s
innate purpose and desires by projecting their own agendas or those of
the external world? (Affinity)
The challenge here involves you as the parent exploring the values
you hold about affinity, purpose, and calling in life for your gifted child.
In meeting affinity needs, understanding your expectations and values
is critical. I ask that parents explore their deep ingrained values about
giftedness and what they feel that means for them relative to who their
child is and the child’s sense of purpose or calling. Examine for yourself
where that value or expectation comes from in your life. Ask yourself,
does my belief match my child’s belief about purpose? Be careful not to
confuse your own unmet affinity needs with your child’s. I can assure
you that if you are asking your child to be someone he is not, he will
let you know in his own way. I also ask that parents explore the idea
that just because the child has a gift or multiple gifts does not mean
that the cultivation of that specific gift(s) is going to fulfill his purpose.
Thus, who your child becomes is about who he is and the purpose
within him, not necessarily who you want or think he should be. This
is not to say you should not influence your child or instill values. A
crucial method for helping a child develop a sense of purpose lies in
how well you as a parent fulfill your own calling(s). Another means
is to assess early in your child’s life the interests she pursues and the
experiences where motivation is present. I believe that meeting one’s
affinity in life is directly linked to motivation. So, when a child appears
lazy or unmotivated, it may be a sign that purpose or affinity is being
unmet or not cultivated in the goodness of fit.
 The Challenge of Parenting Gifted Children 545

As you may know, or can imagine, the challenge of parenting the

gifted child is an exceptional one. The approach I have presented here is
just one way to begin the process in finding a helpful means. Remember,
finding that goodness of fit involves looking beyond the norm and
differentiating for your child in the ways discussed through validation,
affirmation, affiliation, and affinity. Please take the time to seek out as
many of the resources available, tailoring your parenting experience in
a manner that fulfills both your experience and your child’s giftedness.

Resources

Books and Articles

Lovecky, D. V. (2004). Different minds: Gifted children with AD/HD, Asperger

syndrome, and other learning deficits. New York, NY: Jessica Kingsley.
Mahoney, A. S. (1997). In search of gifted identity: From abstract concept to
workable counseling constructs. Roeper Review, 20, 222–227.
Mahoney, A. S., Martin, D., & Martin, M. (2007). Gifted identity formation:
A therapeutic model for counseling gifted children and adolescents. In
S. Mendaglio & J. S. Peterson (Eds.), Models of counseling gifted children,
adolescents, and young adults (pp. 199–227). Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
McCoach, D. B., Thomas, J. K., Bray, M. A., & Siegle, D. (2001). Best
practices in the identification of gifted students with learning disabilities.
Psychology in the Schools, 38, 403–411.

Websites

Hoagies’ Gifted Education Page—http://www.hoagiesgifted.org

National Association for Gifted Children—http://www.nagc.org
Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted—http://www.sengifted.org
 Chapter 54
Helping Gifted Students Cope
With Perfectionism
by Michael C. Pyryt

Does your child pay more attention to mistakes than to correct

answers?

Does your child set unrealistic expectations for his or her work?

Is your child dissatisfied with a grade of A instead of A+?

Does your child focus on unmet goals instead of enjoying current

accomplishments?

Does your child get extremely upset when anything in life doesn’t
work perfectly?

Perfectionism

I
f you answered “yes” to any of these questions, your child may be
at risk for becoming an unhealthy perfectionist. There is a fine line
between striving to reach high standards of excellence and feeling
self-defeated through the inability to reach unrealistic expectations
of perfection. When that line is crossed, the perfectionistic tendencies
become disabling. Others use perfectionism only when referring to
the negative aspects of the syndrome. In schools, perfectionism can

546
 Helping Gifted Students Cope With Perfectionism 547

lead to underachievement. Outside of school, serious health problems

are associated with perfectionism including abdominal pain, alcohol-
ism, anorexia, bulimia, chronic depression, and obsessive-compulsive
personality disorders. The problem of perfectionism is so prevalent
among university students that many university counseling centers
offer workshops on overcoming perfectionism.
Perfectionism also can be thought of as a way of thinking. One
aspect of perfectionistic thinking is dichotomous (all or none) thinking,
in which a child believes that a project is either perfect or it is worthless.
Sally, a 10-year-old, creates a science fair report that is among the best
in her class. She comes home crying and tears the report up because
the teacher found one typo in a 6-page report. Another component of
perfectionistic thinking is transforming desires (wants) into demands
(musts). Joe, an 11th grader, wants to do well on the mathematics por-
tion of the SAT. This desire gets changed into believing that he must
make an 800 (a perfect score) or he will feel like a failure. A third
element of perfectionistic thinking is focusing on unmet goals and
challenges rather than savoring successes. Ann, a sixth grader, has
read 9 of 10 short stories for her language arts project. Ann is likely
to complete the project before anyone else in the class and 2 weeks
before the project is due. Rather than feeling good about her excellent
progress, Ann remains highly anxious because she still has one short
story to read.
Perfectionists tend to come in many packages. Some perfectionists
are intense and demanding from birth. They are never satisfied with
their accomplishments and feel inadequate because there is room for
improvement. For others, perfectionism is a learned behavior influenced
by critical parents or teachers who verbalize when a child makes a 90%
statements along the lines of, “That’s nice, what happened on the other
10%?” Some children expect everything they do to be perfect and
everyone around them to treat them perfectly. These children want to
have perfect breakfasts, perfect interactions on the playground, perfect
feedback from teachers, and perfect performance on assignments and
tests. Unless everything is perfect, they are disappointed. Others may
only demand perfection when it comes to school work. Generally, the
first signs of perfectionism will be evident in how children respond to
548 parenting gifted children

competition (“I must be the best!”) and how they respond to compli-
ments (“It’s nice of you to say that but I should have done much better.”).
For those who struggle with perfectionism, it is a lifelong challenge.
However, I believe that people can learn to cope effectively with per-
fectionistic tendencies.
As children struggle with perfectionism, parents may wonder,
“Should I get professional help from a counselor or psychologist?” It
really depends on the degree of perfectionism and the extent to which
perfectionist tendencies are leading to other problems: obsessive-com-
pulsive disorder, panic attacks, eating disorders, or depression. Parents
might want to begin by discussing their observations about their child’s
perfectionist tendencies with the child’s teacher. They might say, “Paul
seems to be having a hard time doing your science fair project because
it’s not going to be perfect. Is there a way that we can work together
to support and help him move forward?”

Perfectionism and Giftedness

Among educators of the gifted, the link between giftedness and

perfectionism is clearly established. The tendency toward perfectionism
commonly appears as an item on rating scales and checklists used by
parents and teachers to nominate potentially gifted students. Articles on
counseling needs of the gifted routinely mention perfectionism as a risk
for gifted students. There are two major concerns about perfectionism for
gifted students: underachievement and emotional turmoil. Perfectionistic
tendencies make some gifted students vulnerable for underachievement
because they do not submit work unless it is perfect. As a result, they may
receive poor or failing marks. In terms of emotional stress, perfectionism
is seen to cause feelings of worthlessness and depression when gifted
individuals fail to live up to unrealistic expectations.
Research suggests that the relationship between perfectionism and
giftedness may not be as strong as the gifted education community
believes. Few differences were found between academic talent search
participants and average-ability comparison groups. Talent search
participants tended to exhibit healthy perfectionism marked by high
 Helping Gifted Students Cope With Perfectionism 549

personal standards and organization. There is enough evidence from

case study research, however, to suggest that some gifted students may
be prone to perfectionism.

Coping With Perfectionism

Coping with perfectionism involves changing one’s thinking from

“It’s never going to be good enough so why bother” to “I’m happy that I
took the opportunity to challenge myself and learn new things. My next
project will be even better.” The following sections highlight some key
concepts that perfectionistic students need to internalize. Suggestions
for helping parents instill these ideas in gifted students follow.

1. Don’t Take It Personally

From kindergarten upward, children tend to equate the evaluations

they receive on their assignments as indications of their self-worth.
The grade of A may become a stamp of approval for the student. A
poor grade represents a disconfirmation of a child’s brightness. (For a
perfectionist, a grade of A- might be perceived as a poor grade). Each
test, assignment, and project becomes another situation that puts the
self-concept at risk. Some children avoid this threat to their self-worth
by procrastinating. The work that is eventually submitted only reflects
a small commitment of their time. The evaluation of their work, even
if negative, has little impact on their feelings of self-worth because
the children can rationalize the poor evaluation with lack of effort.
Parents may reinforce this equating of self-worth with achievement
by spending time criticizing children for their mistakes rather than
acknowledging their successes (“I see that you made a 95 on the spell-
ing quiz. What happened on the other five words?”). Students need
to learn to separate their self-worth from their products. They need to
learn that the evaluation simply reflects the extent to which their work
matches the criteria used for grading. If students are frustrated when
they don’t receive the highest marks on a project, parents should allow
their children to express these feelings. After a “cooling period,” a par-
550 parenting gifted children

ent might begin a discussion by asking to see the “rubric” or evaluation

criteria used. (Students should be able to produce the rubric because
it is now common practice for teachers to provide the rubric as part
of the assignment). With the rubric in hand, parents can discuss with
their children how the content of their project matched the evaluation
criteria. Parents can support their children by focusing first on the
content that meets the criteria. Children might identify one thing to
improve upon when a new project is assigned.

2. Know When to Quit

I just did an Internet search using the term perfectionism and

the Google search engine. There were 856,000 links to the term. If
I explored the information in each link for only 10 minutes per link
before attempting to write this paper, I might be ready to begin in 10
years. I need to be selective in my choice of sources. Gifted students
need to know that whatever topic they pick for a project, they will find
more possible references available than they can possibly manage to
acquire and read in the time allotted. Parents can help gifted students
develop skills in determining which available resources will be the most
useful and accessible for them. This simple example highlights only one
of the steps in completing a project. Perfectionistic students may need
assistance getting closure at each step of the project. Parents can help
children become more effective in making progress toward program
completion by routinely having discussions on the expectations for the
project. Parents can assist their children by asking questions about the
parameters of the project (minimum and maximum length, number
of references, expected financial costs). Parents also can help children
develop monitoring skills to check that their projects fall within the
expected parameters.

3. Match the Time Commitment to the Value of Assignments

Perfectionistic students need to learn that if they want to earn the

highest grades they should put the most effort into the assignments or
components that count the most. In my courses, I might give 5-page
 Helping Gifted Students Cope With Perfectionism 551

essay assignments worth 10% each and one 25-page research paper
worth 50% of the term grade. I hope that my students are spending
five times the amount of their course effort on their research paper than
on any one of the essay assignments. Perfectionistic students have a
hard time grasping this concept and often spend inordinate amounts
of time on simple projects by greatly extending the scope of the project.
Within any given project, the various components often have unequal
weightings. Parents can help children express their understanding of
the weightings of the different parts of the assignment and how they
have addressed each part.

4. Set Goals and Focus on Improvement

The attainment of excellence typically occurs as a result of small

incremental improvements over time rather than quantum leaps. It’s
helpful to set goals and work toward their achievement. An excellent
example of the successful use of goal setting is the story of John Naber.
In 1972, Naber watched Mark Spitz triumph at the Munich Olympics
winning seven gold medals, one of which was in the 100-meter back-
stroke, Naber’s specialty. Naber envisioned himself winning gold at
the 1976 Olympics in Montreal. Naber believed that he would have to
improve his time by 4 seconds to achieve this feat. Given the brevity of
the 100-meter race, a 4-second improvement would be a remarkable
accomplishment. Through goal setting, Naber realized that he had 4
years to achieve his goal, so only needed to improve 1 second per year.
Because Naber swam every day, he only needed to improve 1/365 of a
second per day. Because Naber swam twice a day, he only needed to
improve 1/730 of a second per workout. Naber dedicated himself to
such incremental improvements in performance each day and stood on
the podium as the gold medalist in the 100-meter backstroke in the
1976 Olympics. Parents can help students generate goals, determine
the steps needed to accomplish the goals, develop an action plan for
achieving their goals, and monitoring attainment toward the goal. The
acronym SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and
Timeframe-provided) can be used to facilitate the goal-setting process.
552 parenting gifted children

5. Study the Lives of Eminent People

A 12-year-old perfectionistic student might win a state science fair

and still be disappointed that the project is not the theory of relativity.
The 12-year-old student needs to know that Einstein didn’t produce
the theory of relativity at 12, either. In fact, at 12, Einstein’s potential
greatness was masked by poor school performance. Einstein tested 20
theories before he properly formulated the equations for the theory of
relativity. Gifted students can learn many lessons from studying the
lives of eminent people by reading biographies and autobiographies,
or simply watching a television program such as Biography. One basic
lesson to learn is that the path to success is not a simple, linear one.
Barriers such as rejection, illness, economic misfortunes, and rela-
tionship issues can make it difficult for an individual to achieve and
maintain success.
One of the key factors is being able to persevere in the face of obsta-
cles. Another lesson is that great effort is required. Edison observed
that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. The image of
Michelangelo, lying on his back for several years painting the ceil-
ing of the Sistine Chapel, is a testament to his commitment. A third
lesson is that revision/refinement is part of the process. Books that
can be found in bookstores and libraries have undergone revisions
and rewriting before publication. It’s unrealistic to think that the first
draft will be perfect or publishable. Parents can encourage students to
share their first draft with peers, siblings, and themselves so that the
students can get feedback for potential revisions. A fourth lesson to be
learned is that failure can be constructive. Jonathan Salk’s polio vaccine
was not perfect in its first distillation. Medicines undergo a rigorous
process of experimentation and refinement before they are put on the
market. Rather than viewing the poor performance of a potential drug
in a clinical trial as a cause for despair, the successful scientist will try
another compound in hopes of success. Parents might help students
organize their biographical investigations by examining the barriers
(e.g., physical, economic, cultural, psychological, and sociological) that
eminent people faced and the strategies and qualities they used to
overcome the barriers.
 Helping Gifted Students Cope With Perfectionism 553

6. Enjoy the Journey

Some perfectionistic students expect everything in their lives to

be perfect every day. This unrealistic expectation will inevitably lead
to frustration when it is not met. Daily frustration can lead to depres-
sion, which in turn may lead to counseling and perhaps treatment with
drugs. An alternative is to take a different perspective. If your child is
constantly frustrated by the way the world is compared to the ideal of
how it ought to be, celebrate the fact that he or she has high ideals. Try
to help your child move forward each day to reduce the discrepancy. A
first step is to help him or her find an activity that will help the child
feel as if he or she is making a difference in the world (e.g., volunteering
with a United Way agency, collecting pledges for a charitable cause,
writing persuasive editorials about injustices in the community).
Perfectionists also focus on unmet goals rather than savoring and
enjoying accomplishments. An Olympic swimmer should be satisfied
winning the gold medal and not be crushed if the time didn’t merit a
world record. Another swimmer who achieves a personal best should
enjoy the accomplishment even if he or she does not win a medal.
Because the perfectionist’s life can be very stressful, perfection-
istic individuals need to find hobbies and pursuits that can bring joy.
Whether it’s jogging or Tai Chi, playing bridge or solitaire, or listening
to symphonies or rock bands, active engagement in avocational interests
can be psychologically and physically rewarding. Parents can help their
children identify and nurture extracurricular interests that can serve
as positive forces in their lifelong journeys.

Resources

Adderholdt, M. R., & Goldberg, M. R. (1999). Perfectionism: What’s bad about

being too good? Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Adelson, J. L., & Wilson, H. E. (2009). Letting go of perfect: Overcoming
perfectionism in kids. Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
Delisle, J. R., & Galbraith, J. (2002). When gifted kids don’t have all the answers:
How to meet their social and emotional needs. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
554 parenting gifted children

Galbraith, J. (2009). The gifted kids’ survival guide for ages 10 and under (3rd
ed.). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Galbraith, J., & Delisle, J. R. (1996). The gifted kids’ survival guide: A teen
handbook (Rev. ed.). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Greenspon, T. (2001). Freeing our families from perfectionism. Minneapolis,
MN: Free Spirit.
Heacox, D. (1991). Up from underachievement. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Hipp, E. (1995). Fighting invisible tigers: A stress management guide for teens
(Rev. ed.). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Parker, W. D. (2000). Healthy perfectionism in the gifted. Journal of Secondary
Gifted Education, 34, 173–182.
Parker, W. D., & Mills, C. (1996). The incidence of perfectionism in gifted
students. Gifted Child Quarterly, 40, 194–199.
Schuler, P. A., Ferbenzer, I., O’Leary, N., Popova, L., Delou, C. M. C., &
Limont, W. (2003). Perfectionism: International case studies. Gifted and
Talented International, 18, 67–75.
Troxclair, D. (1999, December). Recognizing perfectionism in gifted children.
Parenting for High Potential, 18–21.
Walker, S. Y. (2002). The survival guide for parents of gifted kids: How to under-
stand, live with, and stick up for your gifted child. Minneapolis, MN: Free
Spirit.
Zucker, B. (2008). Anxiety-free kids: An interactive guide for parents and children.
Waco, TX: Prufrock Press.
 About the Editors
Jennifer L. Jolly, Ph.D., received her doctorate in educational psy-
chology with a concentrate in gifted education from Baylor University.
Currently she is assistant professor in elementary and gifted education
at Louisiana State University. Her research interests include the history
of gifted education and parents of gifted children. She is the current
editor-in-chief of NAGC’s Parenting for High Potential (PHP) and
secretary of the CEC’s The Association for the Gifted (TAG) board.
Donald J. Treffinger, Ph.D., is president of the Center for
Creative Learning, Inc., in Sarasota, FL, and is an internationally
known researcher, writer, teacher, and presenter in the area of creativ-
ity and gifted and talented education. He holds a Ph.D. from Cornell
University, and in June 2009 received an honorary Doctor of Laws
degree from the University of Winnipeg. He has authored or coau-
thored more than 60 books and monographs and 350 articles. Don has
served as editor of Gifted Child Quarterly (GCQ) and, from 2000–2007
was editor-in-chief of Parenting for High Potential. He is currently a
member of the GCQ Editorial Advisory Board.
Tracy Ford Inman, M.A.Ed., is associate director of The Center
for Gifted Studies at Western Kentucky University and current chair of
the PHP Editorial Advisory Board. She has taught at the high school
and collegiate levels, as well as in summer programs for gifted and
talented youth. In addition to writing and cowriting several articles,
Tracy has coauthored two books with Dr. Julia Links Roberts. She is
currently working on an Ed.D.
Joan Franklin Smutny, Ph.D., is founder and director of the
Center for Gifted at National-Louis University. Each year, she directs
programs for thousands of gifted children throughout the Chicago
area, and regularly offers workshops for parent groups and organiza-
tions. Joan has authored, coauthored, and edited many books on gifted
education, including Stand Up for Your Gifted Child and Acceleration for
Gifted Learners, K–5.

555
 About the Authors
Edward R. Amend, Psy.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist in
Lexington, KY, and Cincinnati, OH, offering services focused on the
social-emotional and educational needs of gifted and talented youth,
adults, and their families. He provides evaluations, therapy, and discus-
sion groups, and also offers consultation and training for professionals.
Ed is coauthor of two award-winning books: A Parent’s Guide to Gifted
Children and Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and
Adults. He has served on the board of directors of Supporting Emotional
Needs of the Gifted (SENG), as president of the Kentucky Association
for Gifted Education, and as a consultant to the Davidson Institute for
Talent Development. 
Beth Andrews, LCSW, LAC, is a program supervisor at Spanish
Peaks Mental Health Center in Pueblo, CO. She is the author of
two children’s self-help books, Why Are You So Sad?: A Child’s Book
About Parental Depression and I Miss You! A Military Kid’s Book About
Deployment, and her story, “Bedtime Battles” appears in Cup of Comfort
for Single Mothers. She has published numerous booklets as well as
articles for Counselor, the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, and the
National Mental Health Self-Help Clearinghouse.
Susan Baum, Ph.D., is professor at the College of New Rochelle
and is involved in a variety of projects addressing the needs of gifted
students.
Sherry S. Bragg, M.A., is a doctoral student in educational psy-
chology and the coordinator of the Super Saturday program at Purdue
University. She also is the solo parent of seven children.
Catherine M. Brighton, Ph.D., is associate professor at the
University of Virginia, a principal investigator on Project Parallax,
which aims to develop talent in underrepresented elementary students
in the science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) areas, and
the director of the University of Virginia Institutes on Academic
Diversity. Her research interests include factors that support and inhibit
teacher change and school reform initiatives; differentiating curriculum,

556
 About the Authors 557

instruction, and assessment; and qualitative methodologies. She was

recognized by NAGC in 2005 with the Early Leader award.
Karen Burke, Ed.D., is professor in Instructional Leadership
Doctoral Program, Western Connecticut State University. She was the
recipient of the 2009 Connecticut State University Board of Trustees
Faculty Research Award. Karen’s research with learning styles has
extended to staff development programs conducted in the United States
and more than 20 other countries. These research projects subsequently
led to more than 40 scholarly publications in educational journals and
edited books.
Vicki Caruana is an educational consultant in the Tampa Bay area
and produces a newsletter, “Homeschoolers Online,” and a website to
help Florida homeschoolers get connected.
Barbara Clark, Ed.D., is a professor emerita at California State
University, Los Angeles. She is the author of Growing Up Gifted, a text
in gifted education now in its seventh edition, and other books and
articles in numerous professional journals. Barbara is a past president
of the World Council for Gifted and Talented Children, past presi-
dent of NAGC, and a past president of the California Association for
the Gifted. Barbara has presented major addresses and workshops at
conferences and in school districts throughout the world.
Richard M. Clouse, M.D., is a family practitioner and assistant
clinical professor at the University of Louisville/Glasgow Family
Practice Residency in Glasgow, KY.
Nancy A. Cook is a gifted programming specialist in New York’s
Williamsville-Central School District.
Carolyn R. Cooper, Ph.D., is a seasoned administrator in the field
of educating high-potential students. She has taught gifted and talented
students at the elementary, junior high, middle school, and high school
levels as well as teachers of high-potential youngsters. Active in the
National Association for Gifted Children since 1982, Carolyn advises
both public and private schools on educating students of high ability,
makes presentations to parent groups, and writes regularly for quarterly
publications including Parenting for High Potential.
Courtney Crim, Ed.D., is an assistant professor at Trinity
University. She has a doctorate in curriculum and instruction with an
558 parenting gifted children

emphasis in gifted education from the University of Houston and a

Masters of Arts in Teaching from Trinity University. She has 15 years
teaching experience at the elementary and higher education levels.
Her research interests focus on the connection between differentiation
and how this philosophy relates to the classroom as well as profes-
sional development design for both preservice and in-service teachers.
Specifically, this line of research intersects the practice of differentiated
instruction across learning environments.
Tracy L. Cross, Ph.D., holds an endowed chair, Jody and Layton
Smith Professor of Psychology and Gifted Education, and is the execu-
tive director of the Center for Gifted Education at The College of
William and Mary. Previously he served Ball State University as the
George and Frances Ball Distinguished Professor of Psychology and
Gifted Studies, the executive director of the Center for Gifted Studies
and Talent Development, as well as the Institute for Research on the
Psychology of the Gifted Students. He has edited five journals in the
field of gifted studies and is the current editor of the Journal for the
Education of the Gifted. He was recently given the Lifetime Achievement
Award from the MENSA Education and Research Foundation.
Michelle Davis, M.Ed., is the director of ABCs for Life Success
and Special Needs Advocacy, in Washington, DC, delivering expert
evaluation and consulting services to educators, families, and schools.
Her Special Needs Advocacy Resource Book forms the curriculum for her
Special Needs Advocacy Training Institute.
Arlene R. DeVries, M.S.E., has served on the boards of NAGC,
SENG, Iowa Talented and Gifted, and PHP. After retiring as a gifted
consultant with the Des Moines Public Schools, she is now a private
consultant in gifted education. She is coauthor of Gifted Parent Groups:
The SENG Model and A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children.
Deborah Douglas served as the gifted education coordinator for
the Manitowoc (WI) Public School District for 15 years. As a board
member and president-elect of the Wisconsin Association for Talented
and Gifted, she consults and advocates for gifted adolescents in the
Upper Midwest.
 About the Authors 559

Rita Dunn, Ed.D., was professor, Division of Administrative

and Instructional Leadership, and director, Center for the Study of
Learning and Teaching Styles at St. John’s University in New York.
Andrea Dawn Frazier, Ph.D., received her doctorate in educa-
tional psychology from Ball State University in 2009. While earning
her doctorate, she edited the Journal for the Education of the Gifted, one
of the premier journals in the field of gifted education. Before moving
to Muncie, IN, to complete her degree, she worked for 7 years at the
Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy, a residential school for
gifted and talented students in math, science, and technology. Her
research interests encompass inequality in schooling for girls and stu-
dents of color.
Michael Freedman, Ed.D., is assistant professor of science educa-
tion in the Graduate School of Education at Fordham University.
James J. Gallagher, Ph.D., is senior scientist emeritus and for-
mer director of the Frank Porter Graham (FPG) Child Development
Institute at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He has
been with FPG since 1970. Gallagher is an internationally recognized
early childhood development expert.
Thomas P. Hébert, Ph.D., is a professor in the Department of
Educational Psychology and Instructional Technology at the University
of Georgia where he teaches graduate courses in gifted education and
qualitative research methods. His research interests include the social
and emotional development of gifted students, gifted culturally diverse
students, and counseling issues faced by gifted males.
John Houtz, Ph.D., is professor of educational psychology and
former associate dean for Academic Affairs in the Graduate School of
Education at Fordham University.
Sue Jeweler spent her 30-year career in Maryland's Montgomery
County Public Schools (MCPS) teaching elementary school; training
student teachers from area universities; training teachers in conflict-
resolution strategies, gifted and talented instruction, differentiation,
and accommodation strategies; and in writing conflict resolution and
social studies curricula. Sue has been a consultant to the Kennedy
Center, the Smithsonian Institute, National Geographic, Berns & Kay,
and Street Law. She has coauthored two educational kits, more than
560 parenting gifted children

30 books, and numerous articles for journals and magazines. She has
received many awards, including the prestigious Washington Post Agnes
Meyer Outstanding Teaching Award.
Julia Johnston, M.A., has coauthored three books with Mary
Kay Shanley. Julia is a freelance journalist with more than 20 years
of experience writing for newspapers and magazines. She also has
served as a writing consultant coach at Drake Law School. She taught
in juvenile shelters and lock-up facilities; volunteered in her district’s
first writing center program; and advocated, along with Mary Kay, a
weighted-grade system for the high school. Julia earned a bachelor’s
degree from University of Maryland-College Park, and a master’s in
journalism and teaching certification from Drake University in Des
Moines, IA.
Barbara A. Lewis is an award-winning author and teacher. Her
students worked to clean up hazardous waste, fight crime, initiate six
laws in the Utah legislature, and more. Barbara has been featured in
Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, The Congressional Record, Family
Circle, and CBS World News. She has written numerous articles and
authored several books including The Kid’s Guide to Social Action, The
Kid’s Guide to Service Projects, Kids With Courage, What Do You Stand
For?, The Survival Guide for Teachers of Gifted Kids, and The Teen Guide
to Global Action.
Andrew Mahoney, M.S., L.P.C., is a counselor and marriage and
family therapist specializing in the gifted and talented population. He
also is director of The Counseling Practice of Andrew S. Mahoney, a
counseling and consulting center for the gifted and talented in Chicago
and Pittsburgh.
Ken McCluskey, Ph.D., dean and professor of education at the
University of Winnipeg, has had 25 years experience as a school psy-
chologist, special educator, and administrator in the public school
system. A recipient of major program development, creativity, and pub-
lication awards from the Canadian Council for Exceptional Children,
the International Centre for Innovation in Education, the World
Council for Gifted and Talented Children, and Reclaiming Youth
International (along with his institution's teaching, research, and com-
munity service awards), Ken has written more than 100 professional
 About the Authors 561

articles and chapters, and is the author, coauthor, or editor of 15 books,

including Lost Prizes: Talent Development and Problem Solving with
At-Risk Populations and Understanding ADHD: Our Personal Journey.
Sidney M. Moon, Ph.D., is a professor of Gifted, Creative, and
Talented Studies and associate dean for learning and engagement in
the College of Education at Purdue University. She has been involved
in the field of gifted, creative, and talented studies for more than 25
years. In that time, she has contributed more than 75 books, articles,
and chapters to the field. Her most recent book is The Handbook of
Secondary Gifted Education. Sidney is active in NAGC where she has
served as chair of the Research and Evaluation Division, a member of
the Board of Directors, and chair of the Bylaws Committee. Currently,
she is the association editor for NAGC. Her research interests include
talent development in the STEM disciplines, underserved populations
of gifted students, and personal talent development.
Diane Nash is an educator, writer, and consultant from Snyder,
NY, and coauthor of The Mentor Kit.
Maureen Neihart, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical child psychologist
and associate professor of psychological studies at the National Institute
of Education at Nanyang Technological University in Singapore. She is
a former member of the Board of Directors of NAGC and a contribut-
ing editor to Gifted Child Quarterly, Roeper Review, and Journal for the
Education of the Gifted.
Henry J. Nicols is the director of system support for Bassett
Healthcare in Cooperstown, NY, and is completing a book on children
and stress in the international community.
Ben Paris is a tutor, a former curriculum director for Kaplan Test
Prep, and a designer of award-winning online test preparation courses.
He also is a member of the national advisory board of the California
Learning Strategies Center (http://www.learningstrategiescenter.com),
a think tank for parents of gifted students.
Jeanne L. Paynter, Ed.D., is the state specialist for gifted and
talented education at the Maryland State Department of Education.
Leighann Pennington, M.Ed., currently teaches sixth grade at
TVT Community Day School in Irvine, CA. She graduated from
Miami University with a bachelor’s degree in English/creative writ-
562 parenting gifted children

ing and a M.Ed. in educational psychology/gifted education from the

University of Virginia. She also teaches at Johns Hopkins University’s
Center for Talented Youth.
Jean Sunde Peterson, Ph.D., professor and director of school
counselor preparation at Purdue University, is a former gifted educa-
tion teacher. Based on her extensive research and counseling experience
with gifted youth and their families, she conducts workshops related to
their development. She is author of The Essential Guide to Talking With
Gifted Teens and Gifted at Risk: Poetic Profiles and coeditor of Models
of Counseling Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Young Adults. She is a
member of the Board of Directors of NAGC and a past chair of the
Counseling and Guidance Network.
Michael C. Pyryt, Ed.M., was professor at the Centre for Gifted
Education at the University of Calgary in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
Diana Reeves, M.Ed., is a parent member on the NAGC Board
of Directors and is chairperson of the Massachusetts Association for
Gifted Education. She holds a B.S. from the University of Wisconsin,
a M.Ed. from Boston University, and a Sixth Year Degree from the
University of Connecticut. Diana has served as a state education spe-
cialist for gifted education and as a consultant for school systems and
parent groups throughout New England. She has taught students at
every level and presently teaches third grade at The Gordon School in
East Providence, RI. While alternating a wide variety of hats, Diana
always wears her dancing shoes.
Sally M. Reis, Ph.D., is a Board of Trustees Distinguished
Professor and the past department head of the Educational Psychology
Department at the University of Connecticut where she also serves as a
principal investigator for the National Research Center on the Gifted
and Talented. She has authored or coauthored more than 250 articles,
books, book chapters, monographs and technical reports including The
Schoolwide Enrichment Model, The Secondary Triad Model, and Work Left
Undone: Choices and Compromises of Talented Females. A past president
of NAGC, she recently was honored with the highest award in her
field as the Distinguished Scholar of NAGC and named a fellow of
the American Psychological Association. 
 About the Authors 563

Joseph S. Renzulli, Ed.D., is director of the National Research

Center on the Gifted and Talented at the Neag School of Education
at the University of Connecticut. His most recent work is a book for
parents coauthored with Dr. Sally Reis entitled Light Up Your Child’s
Mind, and an Internet-based program that uses computer technology
to identify student strengths and match highly engaging enrichment
resources to each individual’s profile. Information about the program
can be found at http://www.renzullilearning.com. Joe recently received
the Harold W. McGraw, Jr. Prize for innovative contributions to
education.
Sylvia Rimm, Ph.D., is a psychologist, directs the Family
Achievement Clinic in Ohio, and specializes in working with gifted
children. She also is a clinical professor at Case School of Medicine.
Sylvia speaks and publishes internationally on parenting, giftedness,
creativity, and underachievement. Among her many books are How
to Parent So Children Will Learn, Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades, and
Education of the Gifted and Talented. Sylvia was a longtime contributor
to NBC’s Today, hosted Family Talk on public radio, and served on the
Board of Directors of NAGC. She is a syndicated newspaper columnist
with Creators Syndicate.
Lisa Rivero, M.A., is a homeschool and gifted education advocate
and author of Gifted Education Comes Home: A Case for Self-Directed
Homeschooling and Creative Home Schooling for Gifted Children: A
Resource Guide. She and her husband homeschool their 10-year-old
son in Glendale, WI.
Rebecca Robbins is an attorney, a freelance writer, and a parent
advocate for gifted education in Bloomington, IN.
Julia Link Roberts, Ed.D., is the Mahurin Professor of Gifted
Studies at Western Kentucky University. She is the executive director of
The Center for Gifted Studies and the Carol Martin Gatton Academy
of Mathematics and Science in Kentucky. Julia is a member of the
Executive Committee of the World Council for Gifted and Talented
Children and a board member of The Association for the Gifted and
the Kentucky Association for Gifted Education. Julia received the
first David W. Belin NAGC Award for Advocacy. She is coauthor
with Tracy Ford Inman of Strategies for Differentiating Instruction: Best
564 parenting gifted children

Practices for the Classroom and Assessing Differentiated Student Products:

A Protocol for Development and Evaluation.
Ann Robinson, Ph.D., is professor of education and found-
ing director of the Center for Gifted Education at the University of
Arkansas at Little Rock. She is a former editor of Gifted Child Quarterly,
and is the president of the National Association for Gifted Children.
She is the coauthor of Best Practices in Gifted Education: An Evidence-
Based Guide.
Robin M. Schader, Ph.D., is NAGC’s Parent Resource Advisor.
She completed her Ph.D. at the Neag School of Education at the
University of Connecticut where her research explored parental influ-
ence in talent development, particularly musicians, athletes, and young
adults with disabilities. Her recent work focuses on developing effective
collaboration between home and school, creating community awareness
for the needs of high-ability learners, and, most importantly, finding
educational alternatives for gifted children.
Stephen T. Schroth, Ph.D., earned his degree in educational
psychology and gifted education from the University of Virginia. He
serves as an assistant professor of educational studies at Knox College
in Galesburg, IL, before which he worked as a classroom teacher, lit-
eracy coach, and gifted coordinator for a decade in the Los Angeles
Unified School District. With Jason A. Helfer, Stephen is the recipient
of the 2008 MENSA Education and Research Foundation Award for
Excellence in Research. Recent publications include “Identifying Gifted
Students: Educators’ Beliefs Regarding Various Processes and Procedures”
in the Journal for the Education of the Gifted (with Jason Helfer).
Mary Kay Shanley has written six books in addition to coauthor-
ing three books with Julia Johnston. She is a public speaker and con-
ducts writing workshops, including the prestigious University of Iowa
Summer Writing Festival and the annual Women and Memoir Writing
Retreat. A member for 10 years of the Iowa Talented and Gifted State
Board of Directors, she also is a recipient of its Distinguished Service
Award. She earned degrees in journalism and political science from
Creighton University in Omaha, NE.
Robert J. Sternberg, Ph.D., is dean of the School of Arts and
Sciences and professor of psychology and education at Tufts University.
 About the Authors 565

He is president of the International Association for Cognitive Education

and Psychology and president-elect of the Federation of Associations
of Behavioral and Brain Sciences. Robert is a past winner of NAGC’s
E. Paul Torrance Award and its Distinguished Scholar Award.
Robert D. Strom, Ph.D., began his career as a secondary teacher
in Detroit and St. Paul, MN. He is a professor of Advanced Studies
in Learning, Technology and Psychology at Arizona State University.
Bob’s recent books are Adolescents in the Internet Age and Parenting Young
Children: The Internet, Television, Play, and Reading. He has received
three Fulbright Research Awards at University of Stockholm, Sweden;
Canberra University, Australia; and University of the Philippines. His
published instruments include the online Teamwork Skills Inventory
for adolescents and adults and the Parent Success Indicator for parents
and adolescents.
Rachel E. Sytsma, Ph.D., is assistant professor in education at
Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI. She also is program coordina-
tor for the National Science Foundation grant TRIAGE. She served
as a staff member at The National Research Center on the Gifted
and Talented and the Neag School of Education at the University of
Connecticut.
Liang See Tan, M.S.Ed., is presently a lecturer at the National
Institute of Education, Nanyang Technological University, Singapore.
Her interests focus on arts education, differentiated curriculum and
instruction, talent development, learning, and engagement. Prior to her
current position, she taught 16 years in high school and spearheaded
programs for the gifted and talented.
Carol Ann Tomlinson, Ed.D., is William Clay Parrish, Jr.
Professor and chair of Educational Leadership, Foundations and Policy
at the University of Virginia’s Curry School of Education. She is a past
president of NAGC.
Beverly A. Trail, Ed.D., is a twice-exceptional consultant, trainer,
researcher, and author. She has 22 years experience as a gifted resource
teacher, district twice-exceptional consultant, and district gifted educa-
tion coordinator. As an independent consultant for Colorado Department
of Education, she was contracted to develop a twice-exceptional resource
guide and conduct statewide workshops. Currently, she teaches gifted
566 parenting gifted children

education courses at Regis University. Beverly’s qualifications include an

endorsement as a Gifted Education Specialist, a M.A. in gifted education,
and a doctorate in special education. Her book, The Twice-Exceptional
Gifted Child, will be published by Prufrock Press.
Joyce VanTassel-Baska, Ed.D., is professor emerita and former
director of the Center for Gifted Education at The College of William
and Mary in Williamsburg, VA.
Sandra Warren is a long-time gifted and talented parent advocate
and author of books for children and adults. She is a former editor of
NAGC’s Parent Division Newsletter.
James T. Webb, Ph.D., has been recognized as one of the 25
most influential psychologists nationally on gifted education. Jim, who
established SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted), has
served on the board of directors of NAGC and was president of the
American Association of Gifted Children. He is the lead author of five
books and several DVDs about gifted children, including the award-
winning books A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children and Misdiagnosis and
Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD,
Asperger’s, Depression, and Other Disorders.
Rich Weinfeld, M.S., is currently the director of the Weinfeld
Education Group, LLC, which provides advocacy to parents of students
with learning challenges, trains parents and staff on educational topics,
and offers consultation to school systems.
Janet Whitley, Ph.D., is a retired professor from Tarleton State
University but still teaches part time. She is a Certified Learning Styles
Trainer.
Carol V. Wittig, M.S., is an associate of the Center for Creative
Learning in Sarasota, FL, and a former gifted programming specialist
in the Williamsville, NY, Central School District.
 List of Article
Publication Dates
“No Child Is Just Born Gifted: Creating and Developing Unlimited Potential” originally
appeared in the March 1997 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1997 by
National Association for Gifted Children.
“Developing Your Child’s Successful Intelligence” originally appeared in the June 1997 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1997 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Why Gifted Children May Not Test Well” originally appeared in the March 2009 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2009 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“A Glossary of Terms Used in Educational Assessment” originally appeared in the March
2004 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2004 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“Self-Regulated Learning and Academically Talented Students” originally appeared in the
December 2004 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2004 by National
Association for Gifted Children.
“What Do You Know About Learning Style? A Guide for Parents of Gifted Children” origi-
nally appeared in the June 2000 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2000 by
National Association for Gifted Children.
“The Importance of Being Early: A Case for Preschool Enrichment” originally appeared in the
March 2000 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2000 by National Association
for Gifted Children.
“Too Busy to Play?” originally appeared in the March 2002 issue of Parenting for High Potential.
Copyright ©2002 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Growing Up Too Fast—and Gifted” originally appeared in the March 2006 issue of Parenting
for High Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Creating Successful Middle School Partnerships: A Parent’s Perspective” originally appeared in
the June 2005 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2005 by National Association
for Gifted Children.
“College Planning With Gifted Children: Start Early” originally appeared in the December
1998 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1998 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“Real Fears of Incoming Firstâ•‚Year College Students: What Parents Can Do” originally appeared
in the March 2009 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2009 by National
Association for Gifted Children.
“Nurturing an Awareness and Acceptance of Diversity in Our Gifted Children” originally
appeared in the March 2005 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2005 by
National Association for Gifted Children.
“Looking for Gifts in All the ‘Wrong’ Places” originally appeared in the December 2005 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2005 by National Association for Gifted Children.

567
568 parenting gifted children

“Parents as Models: Respecting and Embracing Differences” originally appeared in the June
2005 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2005 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“Selecting Afterschool Programs: A Guide for Parents” originally appeared in the March 2007
issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2007 by National Association for Gifted
Children.
“Mentoring and Your Child: Developing a Successful Relationship” originally appeared in
the December 2001 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2001 by National
Association for Gifted Children.
“Enter the Mentor” originally appeared in the December 2001 issue of Parenting for High
Potential. Copyright ©2001 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Education Acceleration: Why or Why Not?” originally appeared in the June 2003 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2003 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Acceleration: Difficult Decision—Easy Solution” originally appeared in the September 2006
issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National Association for Gifted
Children.
“Homeschooling . . . Making It Work” originally appeared in the September 2002 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2002 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Is Homeschooling Right for Your Child?” originally appeared in the September 1997 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1997 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Differentiated Instruction for Young Gifted Children: How Parents Can Help” originally
appeared in the September 2004 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2004 by
National Association for Gifted Children.
“Differentiated Curriculum Experiences for the Gifted and Talented: A Parent’s Guide to
Best Practice in School and at Home” originally appeared in the September 2003 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2003 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“The Path From Potential to Productivity: The Parent’s Role in the Levels of Service Approach
to Talent Development” originally appeared in the March 2004 issue of Parenting for High
Potential. Copyright ©2004 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Raising the Creative Child” originally appeared in the June 2006 issue of Parenting for High
Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Differentiation at Home as a Way of Understanding Differentiation at School” originally
appeared in the September 2005 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2005 by
National Association for Gifted Children.
“Parenting Young Gifted Children: How to Discover and Develop Their Talents at Home”
originally appeared in the March 1999 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright
©1999 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“I’m a Kid, Mom, Not a Robot: What Highâ•‚Ability Children Want Their Parents to Know About
Them” originally appeared in the June 2007 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright
©2007 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“The Tao of Solo Parenting Gifted Children” originally appeared in the June 2006 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National Association for Gifted Children.
 List of Article Publication Dates 569

“The Role of Physicians in the Lives of Gifted Children” originally appeared in the September
2007 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2007 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“Effective Advocates, Lifelong Advocacy: If Not You, Then Who?” originally appeared in
the December 2006 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National
Association for Gifted Children.
“A Break in Communication: When an Advocate Is Needed” originally appeared in the March
2008 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2008 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“Dancing Toward District Advocacy” originally appeared in the December 2008 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2008 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Taking a Larger Stand for Gifted Education: Your District, Your State . . . and Beyond!” origi-
nally appeared in the March 2003 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2003
by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Four Simple Steps to Self-Advocacy” originally appeared in the December 2004 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2004 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Advocating for Talented Youth: Lessons Learned From the National Study of Local and State
Advocacy in Gifted Education” originally appeared in the March 2003 issue of Parenting for
High Potential. Copyright ©2003 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Parenting Twice-Exceptional Children Through Frustration to Success” originally appeared
in the March 2006 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National
Association for Gifted Children.
“Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A Difficult Diagnosis” originally appeared in the
March 1999 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1999 by National Association
for Gifted Children.
“Parenting Gifted Children With ADHD” originally appeared in the June 2001 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2001 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Raising Bright Children in a Scary World” originally appeared in the June 2007 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2007 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“High Achievers—Actively Engaged but Secretly Stressed: Keys to Helping Youngsters With
Stress Reduction” originally appeared in the December 2000 issue of Parenting for High
Potential. Copyright ©2000 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“‘Why Am I Here? What Makes the World so Unfair?’—Reaching Out to the Questing Gifted
Child” originally appeared in the December 2006 issue of Parenting for High Potential.
Copyright ©2006 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Overcoming Barriers to Girls’ Talent Development” originally appeared in the March 1999
issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1999 by National Association for Gifted
Children.
“Man to Man, Heart to Heart: Building Channels of Communication Between Fathers and
Their Talented Sons” originally appeared in the June 2001 issue of Parenting for High Potential.
Copyright ©2001 by National Association for Gifted Children.
570 parenting gifted children

“Engaging Gifted Boys in Reading and Writing” originally appeared in the September 2008
issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2008 by National Association for Gifted
Children.
“When Overempowerment Yields Underachievement—Strategies to Adjust” originally appeared
in the March 2007 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2007 by National
Association for Gifted Children.
“Developing Giftedness for a Better World” originally appeared in the December 2003 issue of
Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2003 by National Association for Gifted Children.
“Getting Your Child Involved in Volunteering” originally appeared in the December 1997
issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©1997 by National Association for Gifted
Children.
“Debunking the Myths of Suicide in Gifted Children” originally appeared in the December
2006 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2006 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“A Counselor’s Perspective on Parenting for High Potential” originally appeared in the December
2002 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2002 by National Association for
Gifted Children.
“Goodness of Fit: The Challenge of Parenting Gifted Children” originally appeared in the
March 2008 issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2008 by National Association
for Gifted Children.
“Helping Gifted Students Cope With Perfectionism” originally appeared in the June 2004
issue of Parenting for High Potential. Copyright ©2004 by National Association for Gifted
Children.