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Shmirat Ha'lashon: Guarding The Tongue Rabbi Michael Zimmerman March 10, 2014

The document discusses the Jewish laws and principles around guarding one's speech, known as shmirat ha'lashon. It covers topics like lashon hara (harmful speech), ona'at devarim (causing distress through words), and halvanat panim (shaming others). Key ideas include avoiding gossip, giving the benefit of the doubt, and addressing disputes respectfully through machloket l'shem shamayim (controversy for heaven's sake). The ultimate goal is treating all people with honor and modesty.

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96 views29 pages

Shmirat Ha'lashon: Guarding The Tongue Rabbi Michael Zimmerman March 10, 2014

The document discusses the Jewish laws and principles around guarding one's speech, known as shmirat ha'lashon. It covers topics like lashon hara (harmful speech), ona'at devarim (causing distress through words), and halvanat panim (shaming others). Key ideas include avoiding gossip, giving the benefit of the doubt, and addressing disputes respectfully through machloket l'shem shamayim (controversy for heaven's sake). The ultimate goal is treating all people with honor and modesty.

Uploaded by

Teo Matos
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Shmirat ha’Lashon

Guarding the Tongue

Rabbi Michael Zimmerman


March 10, 2014
Lashon hara
(the evil tongue)

Speaking ill of another person


Do not peddle gossip among your people … I am Adonai.
(Leviticus 19:16)

How can one fix the consequences of one who speaks lashon hara? …
There is no remedy.
(B. Talmud Arachin 15b)

The Jewish people were exiled because of the transgression of lashon hara.
(Chafetz Chaim)

There are four transgressions for which one pays in this world and in the
next: idolatry, sexual immorality, and murder. And lashon hara is equivalent
in severity to them all.
(Y. Talmud Pe’ah 1:1)
The world continues to exist only based on peace, and one who
peddles gossip causes the world to fall apart.
(Rabbeinu Yonah, Sha’arei Teshuvah 3:222)
Backbiting

Do not maliciously speak lashon hara behind


someone’s back. As it is written:
Cursed be the one who secretly smites his friend.
(Deuteronomy 27:24)
(Chafetz Chaim)
Lashon hara without mentioning names
You need not explicitly mention someone’s name for a statement
to be lashon hara, if there is any chance the listener will be able
to deduce the identity of the person you are referring to.
In general, it is best to refrain completely from making any
disparaging remarks.
(Chafetz Chaim)
Lashon hara when the subject is present
Speaking lashon hara about someone present is very serious,
even if your sole intention is to give constructive criticism.
Corrective comments should be given privately.
Public criticism can subject a person to humiliation and
mortification.
(Chafetz Chaim)
Causing damage without
saying anything derogatory
Any statement, even if not derogatory, that might
lead to financial loss, physical pain, mental
anguish, or any damage, is lashon hara.
(Chafetz Chaim)

Lashon hara also consists of information that, if


publicized, could cause physical, financial or
emotional harm (it also includes causing a person
emotional pain or giving him or her a fright).
(Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot De’ot 7:5)
Many people erroneously feel justified in ridiculing a Torah talk or
d’var Torah. Unfortunately, this practice is quite common and the
source of serious harm. Even if it is true that the delivery was poor
or the content was lacking depth, you are prohibited from mocking
or ridiculing the speaker.

NEVER BELITTLE THE PRESENTER.

You should privately and modestly ask the speaker to improve his or
her delivery or content.

(Chafetz Chaim)
Avak [Dust of] lashon hara

1. “Who would have thought that she would turn out like she is today?” [Implying that
in the past she had a negative reputation.]
2. “Let’s not talk about him. I don’t want to say what happened with him.” [Implying
that there is something wrong with him.]
3. Speaking positively of someone in the presence of her enemies, for this will surely
cause them to start speaking negatively about her.
4. Speaking lashon hara without malice, rather as a joke or lightheartedly.
5. Similarly, one who feigns innocence, as though he were not aware of the fact that he
is speaking lashon hara.
Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot De’ot 7:4
Lashon hara and motzi shem ra
You are forbidden to relate anything derogatory
about others.

If a derogatory statement is true, it is lashon hara.

If it is false, even partially so, it is motzi shem ra.


In this case, the offense is much more severe.

(Chafetz Chaim)
Relating that someone has harmed another person
If you know that someone has harmed another person, you may relate this if:
1) Your narrative will aid the victim in receiving some compensation OR
2) Your narrative will prevent others from acting in the same harmful way
(Chafetz Chaim)
Whoever is able to save another and does not endeavor to do so violates the Biblical
prohibition, “Do not stand idly over the blood of your neighbor” (Leviticus 19:16)
(Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Rotseach 1:14)
Listening to lashon hara
It is forbidden to listen to lashon hara.

If you inadvertently hear lashon hara, you are forbidden to believe


it to be true. Your mental image of the person spoken about should
not be altered in the slightest.
If the derogatory information is essential (e.g., before hiring a
worker), you are permitted to listen to it, but you are forbidden to
accept what you hear as absolute truth. You are allowed only to
exercise caution.
(Chafetz Chaim)
Rebuking the speaker of lashon hara

If you are in the company of people who are


speaking lashon hara, you are obligated to
rebuke them. If you remain silent, you will be
held responsible for their actions.
(Chafetz Chaim)
Ona’at devarim
Causing distress through words

Halvanat panim
(whitening of the face)
Shaming a person through words

Halvanat panim is main form of ona’at devarim


It is better for a man to cohabit with a woman who, as far as he knows, may be married,
rather than that he should publicly shame his neighbor.
One who publicly puts one’s neighbor to shame has no portion in the world to come.
Better to throw oneself into a fiery furnace than to publicly
put one’s neighbor to shame.

Rabbi Yochanan said on the authority of Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai:


Verbal wrong ona’at devarim) is worse than monetary wrong.
Rabbi Eleazar said:
Verbal wrong affects the victim’s person; monetary wrong affects only the victim’s money.
Rabbi Samuel bar Nachmani said:
Restoration is possible for monetary wrong, but not for verbal wrong.

(B. Talmud Baba Metzia 59a)


A tanna recited before Rabbi Nachman ben Isaac:
When one publicly shames one’s neighbor,
it is as if one has shed blood.
Rabbi Nachman replied: You have spoken will, because I have
seen that in such cases of shaming, the ruddiness (redness) departs from the
victim’s face (panim) and in its place comes a paleness (i.e., a whitening [halvanah]).
Rabbi Chanina said: Three who descend into Gehenna remain eternally in the abyss:
one who commits adultery with a married woman; one who publicly shames one’s
neighbor; and one who fastens a derogatory nickname upon one’s neighbor.
Editor’s rhetorical objection: But isn’t fastening a nickname also a form of shaming?
Editor’s self-rebuttal: Only If the nickname still stings its victim. But this infraction also
includes using a nickname that its owner has already become accustomed to.
(B. Talmud Baba Metzia 59a)
Ona’at devarim
Ridiculing

When you ridicule someone,


you are not merely stating that your
own opinion differs from hers, but you are attacking the person herself.
On a practical level, ridiculing someone makes the person feel distressed
and he will be much less likely to really hear what you have to say.
Speaking in a respectful manner will allow the other person to save face
and will make it easier for him to agree with you.
(Pliskin, The Power of Words, p. 238)
Ona’at devarim
Impulsive speech

If you have a tendency to say things impulsively, you are likely to say many
things that you should not have said. Even if you ask the person forgiveness,
the damage has still been done. The person feels hurt and this hurt might
last for a long time.
The cure for impulsive speech is taking two or three seconds to think about
whether or not you should say that you are about to say.

(Pliskin, The Power of Words, p. 147)


Ona’at devarim
Complaining
When you complain about what someone has done, he/she is likely to feel hurt. Many
complaints come from focusing on negative aspects while overlooking positive aspects.
A person might have done very much for someone, but a complainer will focus on
some small detail that is not to his/her liking.

Differentiate between important complaints and those that are better left unsaid.
Even when you do feel a need to voice a complaint, do so in as painless a manner
possible. Always show appreciation for aspects of work you do view favorably.
Don’t attack the person; rather, focus on what you want to be improved.
(Pliskin, Power of Words, pp. 60-61) .
Ona’at devarim

One way to shame another person without


allowing him or her to do anything about it:

“I heard someone speak lashon hara against you, but I’m not
going to tell you who said it or what specifically was said. That,
after all, would be gossip, which of course is forbidden because it
could cause the other person animosity and hatred.”
(Pliskin, The Power of Words, p. 135)
Ona’at devarim
Belittling others’ plans
If you insult or belittle others’ plans, you will
destroy their initiative and enthusiasm.

Especially when a person is not asking you for


advice, don’t downgrade his or her plans.

(Pliskin, The Power of Words, pp. 208-9)


Rising above lashon hara

and halvanat panim


Kavod (honor)

Ben Zoma taught: Who is worthy of kavod?


The one who treats other human beings
with kavod.
(Pirkei Avot 4:1)
Giving the benefit of the doubt

If at all feasible, give people the benefit of the


doubt. If you relate an incident, not giving the
benefit of the doubt, this is lashon hara.
(Chafetz Chaim)
Machlochet l’shem shamayim
(controversy for the sake of heaven)

A good and necessary disagreement on an issue of


appropriate living or Jewish values
Davar acher
(opposing point of view)
Any question can be resolved in a multitude of ways.

During a dispute between the House of Hillel and the


House of Shammai, a voice from Heaven proclaimed, “This
and this are both the words of the living God.”
(B. Talmud Eruvin 13b)
However……
The voice from Heaven proclaimed:

“This and this are both the words of the living God, but
the halachah is in agreement with the House of Hillel
because they are kind and modest, they studied both
their own rulings and those of the House of Shammai,
and were even so humble as to state the decisions of the
House of Shammai before they stated their own.”
(B. Talmud Eruvin 13b)

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