SPRING

IT ON WITH robbins

An easy spring cleaningfor your life

WEEK 1:
THE FRIEND CLEANSE
We’re starting #SpringItOn with a Friend Cleanse! What is a Friend Cleanse?
A Friend Cleanse is the process of figuring out what friendships serve you, setting
boundaries, and deepening your best relationships.

Why does it matter? Because the people who surround you have tremendous
influence over your mental health and habits. Mirror neurons and our inherent
need to fit in make us more likely to do what others around us are doing, even
when we really don’t want to. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself
with good people.

This week, you’ll spend five days learning how to create positive friendships that
work for you.

#SpringItOn

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

DAY 1
LOOK INWARD

Before you look outside yourself, you have to look in the mirror. Making
good friends means being a good friend and that starts with the way you
treat yourself.

Friends give time to each other. Do you give yourself time? How can you gift
yourself 10 minutes of self-care today?

Friends cheer for each other. Are you cheering for yourself? What is one anchor
thought you can repeat throughout the day that will help you feel energized and
good about yourself?

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

Now let’s start looking out. A friend cleanse requires that you figure out what
kinds of relationships you want to have at this stage of your life. To do that,
you have to get to know yourself.

What are your most important values? (integrity, honesty, compassion, humor,
creativity, commitment, adventurous spirit, positivity, generosity, fitness, etc.)

At this stage of your life, what are your goals?

How do your goals and values differ from what they were in the past?

What kind of person do you want to be?

What changes do you need to make in your own life to live your values?

Note: As you assess who you want to become, it’s important to be mindful and intentional
about who you spend your time with.

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

DAY 2
FILTER YOUR FRIENDSHIPS

Now, it’s time to figure out which of your friends act in ways that YOU want
to act (remember, the behavior of your friends is contagious) and which ones
do not.

Make a list of up to 3 of your friends. (Repeat this exercise with more names later,
if you wish.)

Do these friendships help you or keep you from making important, positive
change in your life?

What are the behaviors your friends do that you no longer want to do?

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

What are their behaviors that inspire you?

Which of those friendships line up with your current values and goals?

Which friendships do not?

Which of your friends make you feel energized after you spend time with them?

Which ones make you feel depleted?

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

What friends from the past do you feel you’re holding on to and why?

Note: Nobody is going to be positive and upbeat every day. There are times your friends
will be there to support you when you’re down and you will do the same for them. In these
exercises, you are looking for patterns of behavior over a period of time and how those
behaviors impact what and how you feel about yourself.

Knowing that, zone in on the friends in your life. Do you have a toxic friendship?

WARNING SIGNS OF Are there people in your life with

A TOXIC FRIEND: these warning signs?

! YOUR
 OTHER FRIENDS AND FAMILY
DON’T LIKE OR TRUST THIS PERSON.

! THEY
 ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES
AND NEVER ASK ABOUT YOU.

! THEY
 BELITTLE YOU AND YOUR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. THEY ALWAYS What do they do when you’re
TAKE BUT NEVER GIVE. together that is toxic?
! THEY’RE
 JEALOUS OF YOUR SUCCESS
INSTEAD OF CELEBRATORY.

! YOU
 FEEL DEPLETED AFTER
TIME TOGETHER.

! YOU
 DON’T LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR
TIME TOGETHER.

! THEY
 SHARE THINGS WITH OTHERS THAT
YOU SHARED IN CONFIDENCE.

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

You have friends who are supportive and those who are depleting, but you may
also have people in your life who, while not toxic, don’t help you to feel good
about yourself.

Maybe it’s the friend you don’t have much in common with anymore yet you still feel
guilty when you don’t make plans. Or, maybe it’s a former colleague or neighbor
who you don’t see anymore but beat yourself up about not reaching out to.

List who these people are for you:

DAY 3
MAKE DECISIONS

In the last exercise, you identified your supportive (and toxic) friends.
Now it’s time to get real about your friendships.

After thinking about it, which friendships should you stop giving your energy to?

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

Be honest – what do you get out of each friendship? What do you give?

Can the friendships be saved with an honest conversation?

Do you want to save them?

What friendships should you give more energy to?

What people in your life do you want to become closer to?

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

One important mindset shift is to change the way you think about friendships.
As you get older and your values change, some friends will no longer align with
your life and that’s okay. Normal even.

Don’t make yourself wrong about it. You’ve grown. If a friendship doesn’t align
with your values and leaves you feeling down, let it go.

I love this metaphor from my friend Jay Shetty:

FRIENDSHIPS ARE LIKE A TREE.

Some friends are leaves. A tree has hundreds of leaves. Every season those
leaves turn green. The energy they absorb from the sun and rain give the
tree life. Then seasons change. Leaves wither and die so that a new set of
leaves can replace them when it’s time. It’s a natural process. Some friends
are only meant to be with you for a season.

Some friends are branches. Branches are a little stronger than leaves but
branches can break when they become too weighted down. Some friend-
ships cannot handle the weight of life’s hard times. But they were there for
you through the good times. There for a reason.

Some friends are roots. Roots run deep and strong. They hold a tree firm in
place, and help the tree ride out even the strongest storms. You don’t always
see the roots, but their presence is felt. These are your friends for a lifetime.

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

DAY 4
CREATE A PLAN

Once you’ve made decisions about your friendships, it’s time to plan what happens
next. You get to decide how to spend your time and which relationships make the
most sense for you.

Which friends do you need to set boundaries with?

What are those boundaries?

Example: If you always end up drinking too much when you’re out with your college friend, your new
boundary is to meet up for coffee or a hike.

Example: If someone close to you seems to always criticize what you’re doing, turn the focus of the
conversation on them and limit the amount of time you spend with this person.

My boundaries:

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

After taking some time to reflect, are there friendships you need to let go of?

For these friends, come up with a plan to start letting go. Those plans might be
different for each friend, depending on the relationship. That’s okay.

Examples: a heart-to-heart conversation to share what’s bugging you so they have a chance to weigh in,
reaching out less often, responding less often, making plans that reflect what you value most and inviting
them along, mutual letting go, muting on social media.

Now write your plan:

For many people, setting boundaries is a source of guilt. If you feel guilty about letting go
of friendships, think of your relationships as a garden.

Growing up in the midwest, we always planted a vegetable garden every spring. When you plant a
vegetable garden, you sow the seeds pretty closely and wait to see which ones start to grow. When
a bunch grow together in the same area, you have to thin out the weakest ones so the stronger
plant will have the nutrients it needs to grow bigger and stronger.

I like to think that’s how friendships work, too. There are times in your life when you will be growing,
but unless you pluck those weakest friendships from your life, you won’t be able to because those
relationships will absorb the energy you need to grow.

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

DAY 5
REINVEST YOUR ENERGY

Today it’s time to focus on filling your life with new friends who share similar
interests or goals so you start to feel more energized and empowered.

Who are your friends that help you feel good about yourself?

How can you see or talk to them more?

Now reach out to one of these friends and make a plan to see them. Once you’ve
done it, write the date and your plan here:

DATE:

PLAN:

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

Another important part of a friend cleanse is meeting new people who enrich your
life. Places to meet empowering people include community events, any kind of
class, a volunteer organization, an outdoor group, local theater, and book clubs.
Meetup.com is a great resource for meeting people who share your interests.

What are some of your favorite activities that you feel good about doing?

How can you meet new people doing these activities?

Tune in for your

Week 2 workbook
to continue your
#SpringItOn!

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WEEK 1: THE FRIEND CLEANSE #SpringItOn

NOTES:

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