RHINOCEROS

A Play in Three Acts and Four Scenes.

By Eugène Ionesco

Translated by Luc S. Hotaling

Characters

JEAN
BERENGER
THE WAITRESS
THE GROCER
THE GROCER'S WIFE
THE OLD MAN
THE PHILOSOPHER
THE HOUSEWFE
THE CAFÉ PROPRIETOR
DAISY
MR. PAPILLON
DUDARD
BOTARD
MRS. BOEUF
FIREMAN
LITTLE OLD MAN
LITTLE OLD WOMAN
And a lot of Rhinoceros heads
 ACT ONE
SCENE 1

A square in a small town.

The time is almost mid-day on a Sunday in summertime.

The sound of church bells is heard.

When the curtain rises, a woman carrying a basket under one arm and a cat under the
other crosses the stage in silence from right to left. As she does so, the GROCER'S
WIFE opens her shop door and watches her pass.

GROCER'S WIFE:
Oh that woman! Oh, that woman! So stuck up. She won’t shop here. Too good to shop here anymore.

GROCER’S WIFE disappears.

Pause.
JEAN enters at the same time as BERENGER.

JEAN:
Finally!

BERENGER:
Good Morning, Jean.

JEAN:
Late, of course. We were supposed to meet at 11.30. It's almost noon.

BÉRENGER:
Sorry. Have you been waiting long?

JEAN:
No. I just got here.

BÉRENGER:
Then I’m not that sorry. You’re la—...

JEAN:
It's not the same for me. I don't like waiting; I don’t have time to waste. Since you're never on time, I show
up when I think there’s a chance that you’ll be here..

BÉRENGER:
Alright, alright, but—

JEAN:
You can’t say you were on time.
BÉRENGER:
No, I can’t say that.

JEAN:
There.

BERENGER:
What are you drinking?

JEAN:
You want a drink, this early?

BÉRENGER:
It's so hot, so dry.

JEAN:
I was just reading a study that says the more you drink the thirstier you get...

BÉRENGER:
It would be less dry and I’d be less thirsty, if scientists figured out a way to make it rain.

JEAN:
That wouldn't help you any. You're not thirsty for water my friend...

BERENGER:
What are you trying to say, my friend?

JEAN:
You know perfectly well what I mean. You're in trouble.

BERENGER: (straightening up)

In trouble? You think so?

JEAN:
I’m not blind. You're practically falling down; you yawn all the time...

BÉRENGER:
…my hair hurts...

JEAN:
You reek of alcohol!

BÉRENGER:
I’m a bit hungover, it's true.

JEAN:
Every Sunday, it’s the same thing, and during the week.

BÉRENGER:
AH. No, during the week it’s not the same because of wor—

JEAN:
And where’s your tie? You probably lost it somewhere last night.

BERENGER:
Huh, you’re right. That’s funny what could I have done with it?

JEAN
Here, put this one on.

BÉRENGER:
Oh thanks, you’re very kind.

BÉRENGER tries to tie it.

JEAN:
Your hair's a mess! Here's a comb.

BÉRENGER:
Thank you.

He vaguely combs his hair.

JEAN:
You haven't shaved! Look at your face!

BÉRENGER looks at himself in a mirror, open’s his mouth, holds his tongue

BÉRENGER:
My tongue's furry.

JEAN:
That’s not surprising. You're heading for cirrhosis, my friend.

BÉRENGER:
You think so?

BÉRENGER tries to give JEAN his tie back.

JEAN:
Keep it, I have plenty.

BÉRENGER:
Gee, thanks.

JEAN:
It’s a disgrace: your clothes are rumpled, your shirt’s filthy, and your shoes—
 BERENGER tries to hide his feet under the table.

Your shoes aren’t shined…. What a mess! And your back...

BÉRENGER:
What's wrong with my back?

JEAN
Turn around! Come on, turn round! Where did you sleep?
JEAN brushes his shoulders and a cloud of dust rises from BERENGER’S jacket.

Where did that come from??

BÉRENGER:
I don't remember.

JEAN:
It's a disgrace..a disgrace! I’m ashamed to be your friend.

BÉRENGER:
You’re pretty harsh.

JEAN:
I have every right to be.

BÉRENGER:
Come on, Jean. There’s nothing to do in this town—I’m bored. Work is killing me...every day, eight hours
a day--and only two weeks' vacation time per year. When Saturday night comes round I’m so exhausted
and so—you know how it is—that just to relax, I...

JEAN:
Everyone works, my friend, me too, me too like everyone, every day I put in my 8 hours at work, I only
get two weeks off a year too, but look at me. Willpower! What the f…

BÉRENGER:
Oh! Willpower. Nobody has your willpower. Me, I can’t do it. No, I can’t do it.

JEAN:
You have to. Or are you above that?

BÉRENGER:
I’m not claiming…

JEAN:
I'm just as good a man you are; all modesty aside: I'm better. The superior man is the man who does his
duty.
BÉRENGER:
What duty?

JEAN:
His duty ...His duty as an employee, for example.

BÉRENGER:
Oh yes, his duty as an employee...

JEAN:
Tell me, where were you out drinking last night? If you remember.

BÉRENGER:
(he can’t)
We were celebrating Andrew’s birthday...

JEAN:
Andrew? Nobody invited me—
Why didn’t you tell—
You went without me?
At this moment a noise is heard, far off, but swiftly approaching, of a animal running
and panting, and a long roar.

BÉRENGER:
I had to go. It would have been rude not to go…

JEAN:
I didn’t go.

BÉRENGER:
Maybe that’s because you weren't invited.

WAITRESS: (coming out of café)

Good morning, gentlemen. What can I get you?

The noise becomes very loud.

JEAN:(almost shouting to make himself heard above the noise which he has not become conscious of)
You’re right, No one invited me…All the same, I can 
tell you if I had been invited, I wouldn’t have

gone, because…

The noise has become intense.

What's going on?

The galloping of a heavy and strong animal is very close.

What is it?
WAITRESS:
What is it??


BERENGER seems not to have heard at all, replies to JEAN about the invitation;
his lips move but 
we can’t hear him; JEAN jumps to his feet, knocking 
his chair
over as he does so, looks off pointing, while BERENGER remains seated.

JEAN:
Oh! A rhinoceros!

The noise made by the animal dies away swiftly. The whole of this scene should be

played very fast, each repeating in swift succession.

Oh! A rhinoceros !

WAITRESS:
Oh! A rhinoceros !

GROCER'S WIFE: (sticking her head out)

Oh! A rhinoceros ! Come quick. Look! A rhinoceros!

Everyone watches SL.

JEAN:
It's barging right down the street...

GROCER: (inside)
Where’s that??

WAITRESS
Oh!

GROCER'S WIFE:
Come and look! 


GROCER: (sticking his head out)

Oh, a rhinoceros!

PHILOSOPHER: (entering)
A rhinoceros running down the street!

GROCER:
Oh, a rhinoceros!

WAITRESS:
Well!
HOUSEWIFE: (offstage)
Ah!

HOUSEWIFE appears. She runs to the centre-stage with a basket on her arm; she
drops her basket; the contents scatter all over the stage, a bottle breaks, but she does not
drop her cat.

Oh!
An OLD MAN rushes in after her
Meanwhile, the PHILOSOPHER is plastered against the wall, JEAN and THE
WAITRESS are standing, BERENGER sitting.
The dust raised by the beast spreads over the stage. We hear Ohs and Ahs from offstage
people fleeing.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Do you know what’s going on?

GROCER'S WIFE:
Watch it with your cane!

OLD MAN: (Hiding behind something in the shop)

Sorry!

GROCER:
No, watch out!

OLD MAN sticks his head up

WAITRESS: (to CAFÉ PROPRIETOR)

A rhinoceros!

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
You're seeing things. Oh my! Well…

HOUSEWIFE:
Ah!...Poor kitty, He’s scared!

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR: (watching the rhinoceros)

Oh my!

JEAN:
Oh my!
JEAN sneezes

HOUSEWIFE:
Oh my!
HOUSEWIFE sneezes.
 The OLD MAN, GROCER'S WIFE and GROCER come out of the shop.

ALL THREE:
Oh my!
ALL sneeze.

JEAN:
Oh my!...Did you see it?

The noise of the rhinoceros and its roars are now far away; the people are still staring
after the animal, all except for BERENGER

ALL: (except BERENGER)

Oh my!

BERENGER:
Looks like a rhinoceros to me. It sure kicked up a lot of dust.

(He blows his nose.)

HOUSEWIFE:
Oh my. That gave me such a fright.

GROCER:
Your basket ...and all your things...

OLD MAN approaches the lady and bends to pick up her things. He greets her
gallantly, raising his hat.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Still, that was amazing.

WAITRESS:
I know!

OLD MAN:
May I help you with your things?

HOUSEWIFE:
Thank you, sir. Oh, gave me such a fright.

PHILOSOPHER:
Fear is irrational. Reason is far superior.

WAITRESS:
It's already gone.

OLD MAN:
My friend is a philosopher.

JEAN:
Well, what did you think of that?

WAITRESS:
Those things are fast.

HOUSEWIFE:
Nice to meet you, sir.

GROCER'S WIFE:
Serves her right for not shopping here.

JEAN: (to CAFÉ PROPRIETOR and WAITRESS)

What did you think of that?

HOUSEWIFE:
At least I didn’t drop my cat.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
You don’t see that everyday.

HOUSEWIFE: (to PHILOSOPHER)

Would you hold him a moment?

WAITRESS:
Well this is a first for me.

PHILOSOPHER: (taking the cat)

He doesn’t scratch?

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Few by past like a bullet.

HOUSEWIFE:
He’s as sweet as they come. Oh, my wine!

GROCER:
We have a big selection.

JEAN:
So, what do you say to that?

GROCER:
And it’s excellent.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Go. Take care of these gentlemen!
BERENGER:
To what?

GROCER'S WIFE:
Go and get her another bottle!

JEAN:
Of the rhinoceros, of course! What did you think I meant?

GROCER:
I have excellent wine, in unbreakable bottles!

He disappears into his shop.

PHILOSOPHER (strokes and whispers to the cat.)

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

WAITRESS:
Can I get you something to drink?

BÉRENGER:
Two pastis.

WAITRESS:
Right away.

HOUSEWIFE:
You’re very kind, sir.

WAITRESS:
Two pastis!

OLD MAN:
It’s nothing, madame.

The GROCER'S WIFE exits.

JEAN:
Well, what do you say to that?

BÉRENGER:
Well ...nothing ...it made a lot of dust...

GROCER: (entering with a bottle of wine)

I've some good leeks as well.

PHILOSOPHER (keeps stroking and whispering to cat.)

Kitty, kitty, kitty.
GROCER:
It's a $75 a bottle.

HOUSEWIFE:
You’re so kind. Real manners. Not like most people today.

GROCER:
You really should shop here. You wouldn't even have to cross the street, and you wouldn't run the risk of
these accidents.

JEAN:
It’s incredible.

OLD MAN:
Pleasure to meet you!

HOUSEWIFE:
Thank you for holding my cat.

The PHILOSOPHER whispers some final words and gives the HOUSEWIFE back
her cat.

The WAITRESS comes back with drinks.

WAITRESS:
Two pastis, gentlemen.

BERENGER takes both.

JEAN:
You're incorrigible!

OLD MAN:
May I walk you home?

BERENGER:
I ordered water. She's made a mistake.

HOUSEWIFE:
My husband's waiting for me, thank you. Maybe some other time...

OLD MAN:
I sincerely hope so, ma’am.

BÉRENGER:
The dust has settled...

OLD MAN:
What a woman.

JEAN:
A rhinoceros! I can't believe it!
The OLD MAN and the PHILOSOPHER move slowly off, chatting.

OLD MAN:
Beautiful, don’t you think?

PHILOSOPHER:
I'm going to explain to you what a syllogism is.

OLD MAN:
Ah yes, a syllogism.

JEAN:
I can’t believe it! It's impossible!

PHILOSOPHER:
A syllogism consists of a main proposition, a secondary one, and a conclusion.

JEAN:
I just can't believe it.

BÉRENGER:
You clearly can’t. It was a rhinoceros. Yes, fine, it was a rhinoceros. It’s gone now...gone...

JEAN:
But look…look, it’s impossible! A rhinoceros loose in the city, and you’re not surprised?! It can’t be
allowed!
BERENGER yawns.
Cover your mouth!

BÉRENGER:
Yeah ...yeah ...It can’t be allowed. It's dangerous. I hadn't thought about that. But don't worry, we’re safe.

JEAN:
We ought to protest to the City Council. That’s what they’re here for.

BÉRENGER:
(Yawn) Excuse me. (Yawn)...Maybe the rhinoceros escaped from the zoo.

JEAN:
You're dreaming.

BÉRENGER:
But I'm wide awake.

JEAN:
Awake or asleep, it's the same.

BERENGER:
There’s a difference.

JEAN:
That's not the point.

BÉRENGER:
But you just said being awake and being asleep were the same thing...

JEAN:
You don’t understand. Awake or asleep, it makes no difference: you’re dreaming.—

BÉRENGER:
I am dreaming. Life’s a dream.

JEAN:
— and you’re dreaming if you think the rhinoceros escaped from the zoo—

BÉRENGER:
I only said: maybe.

JEAN:
—because there hasn’t been a zoo here since all those animals died from the plague. It’s been ages.

BERENGER:
OK, maybe it came from the circus?

JEAN:
What circus?

BÉRENGER:
I don't know ...a travelling circus.

JEAN:
You know perfectly well that the mayor banned all travelling shows. There haven't been any since we were
children.

BÉRENGER:(trying unsuccessfully to stop yawning)

In that case, maybe it's been hiding in the swamp?

JEAN:
The swamp? The swamp? My friend, you’re still drunk.

BERENGER:
That's very true...

JEAN:
It's clouding your brain. What swamps?
BERENGER:
I don’t know. Maybe it's been hiding, behind some rock... or up in a tree?

JEAN:
Let me tell you, if you think you're being clever, you're wrong. I don’t think you take anything seriously.

BÉRENGER:
Today, that’s true. Today, because ...because….

JEAN:
Today just like any other day!

BÉRENGER:
Not exactly like.

JEAN:
Your word-play isn’t helping.

BÉRENGER:
I wasn't trying to be—

JEAN:
I hate being teased

BERENGER:
My friend, I would never—

JEAN:
My friend, you are...

BÉRENGER:
No. Not this time. I wouldn’t.

JEAN:
Yes, you would. You just did.

BÉRENGER:
How can you say—

JEAN:
I’m saying it because it’s true.

BÉRENGER:
I promise—

JEAN: …
--that you were making fun of me!

BÉRENGER:
Don’t be an ass.

JEAN:
And now you’re calling me an ass on top of everything.

BÉRENGER:
I wouldn’t think of it.

JEAN:
You never think!

BÉRENGER:
That’s why I wouldn’t think of it.

JEAN:
Even people who never think can think things.

BÉRENGER:
That's impossible.

JEAN:
Why is it impossible?

BÉRENGER:
Because it's impossible.

JEAN:
Explain how it’s impossible, since you seem ready to explain everything.

BÉRENGER:
I never claimed anything like that.

JEAN:
Then why do you act like you can?? And, again, why are you being so insulting?

BÉRENGER:
I'm not insulting you. Far from it. You know what tremendous respect I have for you.

JEAN:
If you respect me, why argue and pretend that it’s not dangerous to let a rhinoceros run around
downtown, on a Sunday morning, when the streets are full of children…and adults.

BÉRENGER:
A lot of them are in church. They’re not in danger—

JEAN:
Let me finish…and later in the markets.

BÉRENGER:
I never said it wasn't dangerous to let a rhinoceros go run around downtown. I just said that I hadn’t
thought about the danger. It never crossed my mind.

JEAN:
Nothing crosses your mind.

BÉRENGER:
OK Fine…A rhinoceros running around, that’s not good.

JEAN:
It shouldn't be allowed.

BÉRENGER:
Yes. It shouldn't be allowed. It’s even crazy. Fine. But that’s no reason to start a fight with me over this
beast. What do you want from me because some odd-toed ungulate just happened to run past us? Some
stupid quadruped that’s not worth talking about? And which is already gone, which doesn’t exist anymore.
We’re not going to worry about an animal that doesn’t exit. Let’s change the subject, my friend, let’s
change the subject. There’s plenty we could talk about.
He takes his glass.
Cheers!
At this moment the PHILOSOPHER and the OLD MAN come back on stage
talking as they go, toward one of the tables on the café terrace.

JEAN:
Put that glass down. Don’t drink.

Jean downs half of one of the glasses.

BERENGER continues to hold his glass, without putting it down, and without daring
to drink from it either.

BERENGER:
There's no point in leaving it for the proprietor.
He makes as if to drink.

JEAN:
I said leave it.

BERENGER:
Fine.
DAISY passes. When he sees her, BERENGER rises abruptly, and in doing so
makes an awkward movement; the glass falls and splashes JEAN 'S pants.
Oh, there's Daisy!

JEAN:
Watch out!. God, you’re clumsy.
BÉRENGER:
That's Daisy ...I'm sorry ...I don't want her to see me …looking like this.

JEAN:
You’re hopeless, absolutely hopeless! She scares you?

BÉRENGER:
Be quiet, be quiet.

JEAN: (louder)
I mean, she doesn’t seem scary.

BERENGER:
I’m sorry again that I—

JEAN:
This is what drinking does, you’re not in control anymore, you’re in shock, you’re a wreck. You are
digging your grave. You’re lost.

BÉRENGER:
I don't really like drinking. But if I don't drink, I'm not OK; It’s like I’m afraid, so I drink not to be
afraid…

JEAN:
Afraid of what?

BERENGER:
I don't know. It’s hard to define. I feel out of place in my own skin, around other people, so I drink. It
calms me, I relax, I forget.

JEAN:
You’re trying to forget yourself!

BERENGER:
I'm tired, I've been tired for years. I can’t drag my body around…

JEAN:
That's alcoholic depression...

BERENGER:
…I feel it every second, like I’m made of lead, I’m carrying another man around on my back. I don’t feel
like myself. I don't know if I am myself. Until I drink a little, the lead disappears and I’m me again.

JEAN:
You’re ranting. Look at me, Berenger , I weigh more than you. And yet I feel light, light as a feather!

Jean opens his arms wide as if he’s flying, knocking the OLD MAN in to the
PHILOSOPHER
PHILOSOPHER:
An example of a syllogism ...Oh!

OLD MAN:
Watch out! …I'm so sorry.

JEAN:
I'm so sorry.

PHILOSOPHER:
No harm done.

OLD MAN:
No harm done.

The OLD MAN and the PHILOSOPHER sit at one of the terrace tables.

JEAN:
You see: I'm strong. I'm strong for several reasons. In the first place I'm strong because I'm naturally
strong, and secondly I'm strong because I have moral strength. I'm also strong because I'm not a drunk. I
have to tell you that it’s drinking that’s weighing you down.

PHILOSOPHER:
Here is an example of a syllogism:
Cats have four paws.
Babette and Suzette each have four paws.
Therefore Babette and Suzette are cats.

OLD MAN:
My dog has four paws, too.

PHILOSOPHER:
So, it's a cat.

BERENGER:
I barely have the strength to go on living. Maybe I don't want to.

OLD MAN:
So logically speaking, my dog is a cat?

PHILOSOPHER:
Logically, yes. But the contrary is also true.

BERENGER:
Solitude is oppressive. So is society.

JEAN:
You’re contradicting yourself. Is it being alone that’s oppressing you or society? You consider yourself
smart and you’re totally illogical.
OLD MAN:
Logic is a very beautiful thing.

PHILOSOPHER:
Provided it’s not abused.

BÉRENGER:
There’s something abnormal about life.

JEAN:
On the contrary. Nothing could be more natural. The proof is that we’re alive.

BÉRENGER:
Dead people outnumber the living. And their numbers are growing. Living people are rare.

JEAN:
“Dead people” literally don’t exist anymore! Do they oppress you too? How can something that doesn’t
exist oppress you??

BÉRENGER:
I wonder if I exist.

JEAN:
You don't exist, my friend, because you don't think. Think and you will be.

PHILOSOPHER:
Another syllogism.
All cats die.
Socrates is dead.
Therefore Socrates is a cat.

OLD MAN:
…and has four paws. I have a cat named Socrates, really.

PHILOSOPHER:
There you are.

JEAN:
In the end, you’re just a fake. A liar. You claim life doesn’t interest you. Meanwhile, someone does interest
you a lot.

BÉRENGER:
Who?

JEAN:
Your little friend from the office who just went by. You're very fond of her.

OLD MAN:
So therefore, Socrates was a cat?
PHILOSOPHER:
Logic just told us that.

JEAN:
You didn't want her to see you looking like this. That proves you're not indifferent. But how can you think
Daisy would be attracted to a drunk?

PHILOSOPHER:
Let's get back to our cats.

OLD MAN:
I’m listening.

BÉRENGER:
In any case, I think she already has her eye on someone.

JEAN:
Who?

BERENGER:
Dudard. A colleague, lawyer, big future in the firm…and in Daisy's heart. I can't compete with him.

PHILOSOPHER:
The cat Babette has four paws.

OLD MAN:
How do you know?

PHILOSOPHER:
It's stated in the hypothesis.

BÉRENGER:
The boss likes him. Me, I have no future, no degree, I have no chance.

OLD MAN:
Ah! In the hypothesis.

JEAN:
So you're giving up, like that?

BÉRENGER:
What can I do?

PHILOSOPHER:
Suzette also has four paws.
So how many paws do Babette and Suzette have?

OLD MAN:
Together or separately?
JEAN
Life is struggle; it's cowardly not to fight.

PHILOSOPHER:
Together or separately? It depends.

BÉRENGER:
What do you want from me? I’m powerless.

JEAN:
Find some power, then

OLD MAN: (after painful reflection)

Eight, eight paws.

PHILOSOPHER:
Logic requires mental calculation.

OLD MAN:
There’s certainly a lot to it.

BÉRENGER:
Where?

PHILOSOPHER:
There are no limits to logic. I'm going to show you...

JEAN:
In yourself.

JEAN:
The power of patience, of culture, the power of intelligence. (BERENGER yawns.) Turn yourself into a
keen and brilliant mind. Get in the game.

BÉRENGER:
How do I get in the game?

PHILOSOPHER:
If I remove two paws from these cats--how many does each have left?

OLD MAN:
It’s complicated.

BÉRENGER:
It’s complicated.

PHILOSOPHER:
It’s simple.
OLD MAN:
It’s simple for you, maybe, but not for me.

BÉRENGER:
It’s simple for you, maybe, but not for me.

PHILOSOPHER:
Just think about it. You’ll see. Concentrate.

JEAN:
Just think about it. You’ll see. Concentrate.

OLD MAN:
I don't see it.

BÉRENGER:
I really don't see it.

PHILOSOPHER:
You have to be told everything.

JEAN:
You have to be told everything.

PHILOSOPHER:
Take a sheet of paper and calculate. If you remove six paws from the two cats, how many paws does each
cat have left?

OLD MAN:
Just a moment…

JEAN:
This is what to do: Cut down on your drinking. Shave every day, wear a hat, a tie like this, a well tailored
suit, well-polished shoes.

OLD MAN:
There are several possible solutions.

PHILOSOPHER:
Tell me.

BÉRENGER:
Then what do I do? Tell me...

PHILOSOPHER:
I'm listening.

BÉRENGER:
I'm listening.
JEAN:
You're shy, but you have some gifts.

BÉRENGER:
I have gifts?

JEAN:
Use them. You have to be connected. Pay attention to what’s happening in the literary and artistic world.

OLD MAN:
The first possibility: one cat could have four paws and the other two.

BÉRENGER:
I have so little time.

PHILOSOPHER:
You have some gifts. We just have to put them to use.

JEAN:
Take advantage of the time you do have. Don't just let yourself drift.

OLD MAN:
I've never had the time to.

PHILOSOPHER:
There’s always time to learn.

JEAN:
There’s always time.

BÉRENGER:
It's too late.

OLD MAN:
It's a little late for me.

JEAN:
It's never too late.

PHILOSOPHER:
It's never too late.

JEAN:
L like me, like everybody, you work eight hours a day. But: Sundays, but evenings, but two weeks in the
summer. That's enough, if you go step by step.

PHILOSOPHER:
Well, what about the other solutions? Go step by step.

JEAN:
Listen, instead of drinking and feeling awful, isn't it better to be fresh and ready, even at work? And you
can spend your free time constructively.

BÉRENGER:
Meaning?

JEAN:
Visit museums, read the book review, go to lectures. That'll solve your problems; it will develop your
mind. In four weeks you'll be a sophisticated man.

BÉRENGER:
You're right.

OLD MAN:
There could be one cat with five paws...

JEAN:
There you go.

OLD MAN:
And one cat with one paw. But would they still be cats?

PHILOSOPHER:
Why not?

JEAN:
Instead of wasting your money on drinking, wouldn’t you rather see a play? Do you know anything about
the avant-garde theatre? Have you ever seen any Ionesco's?

BÉRENGER:
Unfortunately, no. I've heard people talk about them.

OLD MAN:
By removing two of the eight paws from the two cats...

JEAN:
There's one open now. Take advantage of it.

OLD MAN:
...we could have one cat with six paws...

BÉRENGER:
It would be an excellent initiation into the artistic tone of our times.

OLD MAN:
…and one cat, with no paws at all.

BÉRENGER:
You're right, you’re right. I’ll ‘get in the game’ like you said.
PHILOSOPHER:
In that case, there would be one lucky cat…

BÉRENGER:
I will, I promise you.

JEAN:
Promise yourself.

OLD MAN:
…and one unlucky cat, deprived of all paws.

BÉRENGER:
I promise myself, I'll keep my word.

PHILOSOPHER
That wouldn’t be fair. Hence, it’s not logical.

BÉRENGER:
Instead of drinking, I’ll develop my mind. I feel better already.

JEAN:
See?

OLD MAN:
Why not?

BÉRENGER:
This afternoon I'll go to the museum. Tonight, I’ll go see a play. Will you come with me?

PHILOSOPHER:
Because Justice is logical.

OLD MAN:
I see. Justice...

JEAN:
I’m taking a nap this afternoon.

OLD MAN:
Justice is one more aspect of Logic.

BÉRENGER:
Will see a play with me tonight?

JEAN:
No, not tonight.

PHILOSOPHER:
Your mind is getting clearer!
JEAN:
Tonight I have to meet some friends for a drink.

BERENGER:
For a drink?

OLD MAN:
And, a cat with no paws at all...

JEAN:
I promised. I always keep my promises.

OLD MAN:
...couldn’t to run fast enough to catch mice anymore.

BÉRENGER:
So it’s your turn to set a bad example. You're going out drinking?

PHILOSOPHER:
You're already making progress in logic.

A sound of rapid galloping is heard approaching again, roaring and the sound of
rhinoceros hooves and panting.

JEAN:
My friend, once is not everyday. This is nothing like you. With you ...you ...it's not the same thing...

BÉRENGER:
Why isn't it the same thing?

JEAN:(shouting over the noise coming from the café)

I'm not a drunk

PHILOSOPHER: (shouting)
Even without paws the cat must catch mice. It’s in its nature.

BÉRENGER:
(shouting very loudly)
I didn't mean you were a drunk. But why would I be one any more than you, in a case like that?

OLD MAN: (shouting to the PHILOSOPHER)

What's in the cat's nature?

JEAN:
Because it’s about moderation. Unlike you, I'm a moderate.

PHILOSOPHER: (cupping his hands to his ears)

What did you say?
 Deafening sounds drown the words of the four characters.

BÉRENGER:(cupping his hands to his ears)

What about me, what? What did you say?

JEAN:(roaring)
I said that...

OLD MAN: (roaring)

I said that...

JEAN:
What's happening?

PHILOSOPHER:
What is this?

JEAN:
Oh, a rhinoceros!

PHILOSOPHER:(rising)
Oh, a rhinoceros!
He falls back in his chair.

OLD MAN:
Oh, a rhinoceros!
He falls back in his chair.

BÉRENGER:(still seated)
Rhinoceros. Going the other direction..

WAITRESS:
What is it? Oh, a rhinoceros!
She drops her tray.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR: (entering)

What is it?

WAITRESS:
A rhinoceros.

PHILOSOPHER:
A rhinoceros running down the street

GROCER: (entering)
Oh, a rhinoceros!

JEAN:
Oh, a rhinoceros!

GROCER'S WIFE: (entering)

Oh, a rhinoceros!

PROPRIETOR:
That’s no excuse for dropping things.

JEAN:
It’s barging right past those shops.

DAISY: (entering)
Oh, a rhinoceros!

BERENGER:
Oh, Daisy!
Noise of people off stage.

WAITRESS:
Oh my!

PROPRIETOR:
You’re going to pay for those.

BERENGER tries to hide from DAISY.

OLD MAN, PHILOSOPHER, GROCER, and GROCER’S WIFE

Oh my.

JEAN and BÉRENGER:

Oh my.
The screeching wail of a cat and then, just as loud, a woman

ALL:
Oh!
Almost at the same time, the HOUSEWIFE appears without her basket but holding
the blood-stained corpse of her cat in her arms.

HOUSEWIFE: (wailing)
It trampled my cat, it trampled my cat!

WAITRESS:
It trampled her cat!

The GROCER, his WIFE, the OLD MAN, DAISY and the PHILOSOPHER
crowd around the HOUSEWIFE.
ALL:
Isn’t that awful!

OLD MAN:
Poor little thing!

DAISY and WAITRESS:

Poor little thing!

GROCER and GROCER'S WIFE:

Poor little thing!

OLD MAN and PHILOSPHER

Poor little thing!

PROPRIETOR:
What are you doing? Pick those up.

JEAN and BERENGER also rush over to the HOUSEWIFE who continues to
wail, her dead cat in her arms.

WAITRESS:
Oh, poor little thing!

PROPRIETOR (to WAITRESS)

There! there!

OLD MAN:
What do you say to that?

BERENGER:
Don’t cry, ma’am. You’re breaking our hearts.

DAISY:
Berenger, were you here? Did you see it?

BERENGER: (fixing himself)

Oh mood morning, Daisy.

PROPRIETOR:
Poor little thing!

WAITRESS:
Poor little thing!

GROCER'S WIFE:
This is too much!

JEAN:
This is too much!

HOUSEWIFE:
My poor ______, my poor ______.

OLD MAN:
I wish we were meeting again under different circumstances.

PHILOSOPHER:
There’s nothing to be done. Cats are mortal. We have to accept that.

HOUSEWIFE:
My cat, my cat, my cat…

PROPRIETOR:
Clean that up. You owe me for those.

WAITRESS: (exiting)
All you think of is money

GROCER'S WIFE:
Calm down, ma’am.

OLD MAN:
Calm down, dear ma’am.

GROCER'S WIFE:
I know it’s hard.

HOUSEWIFE:
My cat, my cat, my cat.

DAISY:
Yes, I know it’s hard…

OLD MAN:
Sit down, dear lady.

JEAN: to OLD MAN

What do you say to that?

GROCER: to PHILOSOPHER
What do you say to that?

GROCER'S WIFE: to DAISY

What do you say to that?

PROPRIETOR:
Get the lady a glass of water.
OLD MAN:
Sit down, dear lady!

JEAN:
Poor woman!

GROCER'S WIFE:
Poor cat!

BERENGER:
Better give her a cognac.

PROPRIETOR:
A cognac! This man is paying!

WAITRESS:
I heard, a cognac

HOUSEWIFE: (sobbing)
I don't want any, I don't want any!

GROCER:
It went past my shop a little while ago.

JEAN:
That wasn't the same one.

GROCER:
But—

GROCER'S WIFE:
Yes it was, it was the same one.

DAISY:
That was the second time it came by?

PROPRIETOR:
I think it was the same one.

JEAN:
No, it wasn’t the same rhinoceros. The one that went by a little while ago had two horns on its nose: that
was an Asian rhinoceros; this one only had one: it was an African rhinoceros!

The WAITRESS appears with a glass of brandy and takes it to the HOUSEWIFE.

OLD MAN: Here's some cognac to make you feel better

HOUSEWIFE: (in tears)

Noooo…
BÉRENGER:
That’s ridiculous...How could you have noticed the horns? That thing was going so fast no one could have
seen...

DAISY:
Go on, it will do you good!

OLD MAN:
It was going fast.

PROPRIETOR:
Try it, it's good.

BÉRENGER:
You didn’t have time to count horns...

GROCER'S WIFE:
Make her take a little sip.

BÉRENGER:
And, it was in a cloud of dust.

DAISY:
Drink a little ma’am..

OLD MAN:
Just a sip, my dear...be strong…

She sips.

WAITRESS:
There.

GROCER'S WIFE:
There.

DAISY:
There.

JEAN:
I saw it clearly...

OLD MAN:
Feel better?

BÉRENGER:
Its head was down.
PROPRIETOR:
Good isn’t it?

JEAN:
Exactly. Easier to see the horns.

HOUSEWIFE:
My cat!

BERENGER:
Crap!

GROCER'S WIFE:
I can get you another cat.

JEAN:
Me? Crap?

HOUSEWIFE:
I don’t want another cat!
She wails, cradling her cat.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, absolute bullshit.

PROPRIETOR:
Why?

JEAN:
I don’t bullshit.

OLD MAN:
You have to be philosophical about this

BÉRENGER:
And you’re pretentious, nothing but a pedant—

PROPRIETOR:
Gentlemen, Gentlemen—

BERENGER:
—a pedant who isn’t sure of his facts, because, first, the Asian rhinoceros has one horn and the African
one has two—
The other characters leave the HOUSEWIFE and crowd round JEAN and
BERENGER. The HOUSEWIFE continues to weep throughout this discussion.

JEAN:
You're wrong, it's the other way about!
HOUSEWIFE:
He was so cute!

BÉRENGER:
Do you want to bet?

WAITRESS:
They’re going to bet.

DAISY:
Don’t overexcite yourself, Berenger.

JEAN:
I'm not betting you.

GROCER'S WIFE:
They're going to fight!

GROCER:
Do you think? It's just a bet.

PROPRIETOR:
We don't want any trouble here!

OLD MAN: (To the GROCER)

Hold on...What kind of rhinoceros has one horn on its nose?
You're a grocer, you should know.

GROCER'S WIFE:
Yes, you should know!

HOUSEWIFE:
He was so gentle, just like one of us.

JEAN:
Good-bye gentlemen!

PROPRIETOR:
This is getting serious.

HOUSEWIFE:
He loved me so much…

DAISY:
Now listen a moment, Berenger, and you, too, Jean...

HOUSEWIFE:
I had him since he was a kitten…

HOUSEWIFE:
He was so good. He always used his litter box…

JEAN:
I'm not wasting my time with a fool like you.

HOUSEWIFE:
He could almost talk...

JEAN goes off right...but turns back before making his final exit.

JEAN:
Drunk!

BÉRENGER: (standing)
I'm not going to stand for that!

ALL
Oh!

LA MÉNAGÈRE
The only thing he couldn’t do was talk...

DAISY:
You shouldn't have made him angry.

BERENGER:
It wasn't my fault.

PROPRIETOR:
See if you can find a small coffin for the poor thing.

OLD MAN:
I think you're right. The Asian rhinoceros has two horns and the African has one—

GROCER:
But he was saying the opposite.

DAISY:
You were both wrong.

WAITRESS:
Come with me, we’ll bury him.

HOUSEWIFE:
Never, never!

GROCER:
Excuse me, but I think Jean was right.
DAISY:
Be reasonable.

DAISY and the WAITRESS lead the HOUSEWIFE, with her dead cat, towards
the café entrance.

OLD MAN:
Would you like me to come with you?

GROCER:
The Asian rhinoceros has one horn and the African rhinoceros has two. And vice versa.

DAISY:
It’s not necessary.

DAISY and the WAITRESS exit with the HOUSEWIFE who is inconsolable

GROCER'S WIFE:
You always have to be different from everybody else.

BÉRENGER:(aside)
Daisy was right, I shouldn’t have contradicted
him.
CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Your husband's right, the Asian rhinoceros has
two horns and the African one must have one,
and vice versa. He can't stand being contradicted. The slightest
disagreement makes him furious.

OLD MAN:
You're mistaken, my friend.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
I beg your pardon?
His temper is his only fault.
GROCER'S WIFE:
Maybe they're both the same.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
The second one has to have one horn since the
first one has two.
Deep down, he's got a heart of gold; he's done a
lot for me.

OLD MAN:
Maybe it's the second one with two and the first I'm wish I could have let it go. But why is he so
one with one. stubborn? He's always shooting his mouth off,
trying to impress people with how much he
knows. He can’t admit he might be wrong.
OLD MAN:
Do you have proof??

BÉRENGER:
Of what?

OLD MAN:
Of the assertion you made a little while ago that started the fight with your friend.

GROCER:
Yes, do you have any proof?

OLD MAN:
How do you know that one of the two rhinoceroses had one horn and the other had two? And which had
which?

GROCER'S WIFE:
He doesn't know any more than we do.

BÉRENGER:
First of all we don't know that there were two. I myself believe there was only one rhinoceros.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR
Let’s agree that there were two. Which one is one-horned, the Asian rhinoceros?

OLD MAN:
No. The African rhinoceros is two-horned, I believe.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Which is two-horned?

GROCER:
It's not the one from Africa.

GROCER'S WIFE:
It's not easy to agree on this.

OLD MAN:
But we have to figure this out.

PHILOSOPHER:
Excuse me for interrupting. But that is not the question. Allow me to introduce myself...

HOUSEWIFE: (coming out of the café in tears)

He's a philosopher.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Oh! A philosopher, is he?
OLD MAN:
My friend, the Philosopher.

BÉRENGER:
Nice to meet you.

PHILOSOPHER:
Professional Philosopher; here’s my card

BÉRENGER:
I’m honored.

GROCER:
We’re honored.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Would you mind telling us then, Mr. Philosopher, if the African rhinoceros is one-horned…

OLD MAN:
…or two-horned...

GROCER'S WIFE:
And if the Asian Rhinoceros is two-horned…

GROCER:
…or one-horned.

PHILOSOPHER:
Actually, That is not the question. The questi—

GROCER:
It is, though. This is what we want to know.

PHILOSOPHER:
Let me speak, please.

OLD MAN:
Let him speak!

GROCER'S WIFE:
Give him a chance to speak.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
We're listening, sir.

PHILOSOPHER:
Look, this debate is about an essential question which you have forgotten. You were asking whether the
rhinoceros that just passed was the same as the rhinoceros from a little while ago. This is what we have to
answer.
BÉRENGER:
How?

PHILOSOPHER:
Like this: You could have, two times, seen the same rhinoceros with a single horn...

GROCER:
Two times...

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
With a single horn...

PHILOSOPHER:
Just as you could, two times, have seen the same rhinoceros with two horns.

OLD MAN:
The same rhinoceros with two horns two times...

PHILOSOPHER:
That’s right.
Or, you could even have seen an initial rhinoceros with one horn, and then a subsequent rhinoceros also
with a single horn.

GROCER'S WIFE:
Ha, ha...

PHILOSOPHER.
Or also, an initial rhinoceros with two horns, then a subsequent rhinoceros with two horns.

PROPRIETOR:
That's right..

PHILOSOPHER:
Now, if you had seen...

GROCER:
If we had seen...

OLD MAN:
Yes, if we had seen...

PHILOSOPHER:
If you had seen a two-horned rhinoceros the first time,

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Two-horned...

PHILOSOPHER:
… and a one-horned rhinoceros the second time…
GROCER:
One-horned...

PHILOSOPHER:
That wouldn't be conclusive either.

OLD MAN:
All that would not be conclusive.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Why?

GROCER'S WIFE:
I don’t get any of this.

GROCER:
Shh!
The GROCER’S WIFE shrugs and exits.

PHILOSOPHER:
Ultimately, it could be that the rhinoceros lost one of its horns very recently and that this one just now is
the same as the one from a little while ago.

BÉRENGER:
I see, but—

OLD MAN:
Don't interrupt.

PHILOSOPHER:
It could also be that two two-horned rhinoceroses both have lost one of their horns.

OLD MAN:
It’s possible.

PROPRIETOR:
Yes, it’s possible.

GROCER:
Why not?

BÉRENGER:
Yes, but—

OLD MAN:
Don't interrupt.

PHILOSOPHER:
If you could prove having seen a one-horned rhinoceros the first time, either Asian or African...

OLD MAN:
Asian or African...

PHILOSOPHER:
And a two-horned rhinoceros the second time…

GROCER:
Two-horned...

PHILOSOPHER:
...whether African or Asian...

OLD MAN:
African or Asian...

PHILOSOPHER:
Only then could we conclude that we’re dealing with two different rhinoceroses, for it is improbable that
in only a few minutes a visible second horn could grow in a space of a few minutes on the nose of a
rhinoceros…

OLD MAN:
Improbable.

PHILOSOPHER:
That would suggest one rhinoceros (either Asian or African)…

OLD MAN:
Asian or African.

PHILOSOPHER:
...and one rhinoceros either African or Asian.

PROPRIETOR:
African or Asian.

GROCER:
Yes...yes.

PHILOSOPHER:
But it’s not logically possible for an animal to be from two places at once...

OLD MAN:
Or even successively.

PHILOSOPHER:
This is what we have to prove.

BÉRENGER:
That seems clear to me, but it doesn't answer the question.

PHILOSOPHER:
Obviously, sir, but now the question is correctly posed.

OLD MAN:
It's quite logical.

PHILOSOPHER:
Good-bye, gentlemen.
He exits, followed by the OLD MAN.

OLD MAN:
Good-bye, gentlemen.

GROCER:
It might be logical...

At this moment the HOUSEWIFE comes out of the café in deep mourning, and
carrying a box; she is followed by DAISY and the WAITRESS. The cortège moves
towards the exit.

...it might be logical, but are we going to allow our cats to be trampled by one-horned or two-horned
rhinoceroses, which are Asian or African right before our eyes?

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
He's right! We're not going to allow our cats to be trampled rhinoceroses, or by anything.

GROCER:
We can’t allow it!

GROCER:
No, we're going to allow it.

BÉRENGER:
Bring be a cognac. Make it a double.

CAFÉ PROPRIETOR:
Coming up.

BÉRENGER:
I shouldn’t have... I shouldn't have gotten myself so worked up.
The PROPRIETOR comes out carrying a large glass of cognac.

I’m too upset to go to a museum. I'll broaden my mind some other time.

CURTAIN
 ACT TWO
SCENE 1

A government office.
By one exit stands a table on which the time sheets are placed, which the employees sign
on arrival.
In the foreground, a table with two chairs. On the table: printing proofs, an inkwell,
pens; this is the table where BOTARD and BERENGER work
Near to the right wall, another bigger, rectangular table, also covered with papers, proofs,
etc. Two more chairs stand at each end of this table--more elegant and imposing chairs.
This is the table of DUDARD and MR. BOEUF. A coat-stand.

BOTARD:
Lies. Fairy tales.

DAISY:
I saw it, I saw the rhinoceros!

DUDARD:
It's in the paper, in black and white, you can't deny that.

BOTARD:
Pfff!

DUDARD:
Here it is in the Obituaries. Read it, read it.

PAPILLON: (reading)
“Yesterday, Sunday, right in the church square, a little before lunch, a cat was trampled to death by a
pachyderm.”

DAISY:
It wasn't exactly in the church square.

PAPILLON:
That’s it. There are no details.

BOTARD:
Pfff!

DUDARD:
It’s clear enough…

BOTARD:
I don’t believe the news. It’s all lies. I know what to believe, what to think; I only believe what I see with
my own eyes. As a former professor, I’m rational, I like things to be precise, scientific.

DUDARD:
What does being rational have to do with it?

DAISY:
I think this article is very precise, Mr. Botard.

BOTARD:
You call that precise? What “pachyderm” is he talking about? What does the Obituaries editor mean by
“pachyderm?” He doesn't say. And what does he mean by a “cat?”

DUDARD:
Everybody knows what a cat is.

BOTARD:
Is he talking about a male cat or a female cat? And what color? What breed?

PAPILLON: DUDARD: DAISY:

What does the breed have to But it has nothing to do You're obscuring the issue; it's
do with it, Botard? with... simply a question of a cat
being run over by a
pachyderm—in this case, a
rhinoceros.

BOTARD:
God, you people overeact to everything. A mouse steps on anthill somewhere and you make it into a
mountain.

PAPILLON:
Let’s get a few things clear. You saw, saw with your own eyes, this rhinoceros strolling through town?

DAISY:
It wasn’t strolling, it was running.

DUDARD:
Personally, I didn't see it. But a lot of very reliable people—

BOTARD:
You know they’re not honest. You trust journalists who will make up anything to sell their miserable
papers for their corporate overlords?! You believe them, Dudard? You’re a lawyer! Pardon me, but
that’s hilarious.

DAISY:
But I saw it, I saw the rhinoceros. I swear on it…

BOTARD:
You, too? I was hoping at least you weren’t delusional.

DAISY:
Botard, I’m not crazy. And I wasn't alone; there were people around me.

BOTARD:
They were probably looking at something else. Pfff! Sitting around at a cafe in the middle of the day—
don’t these people have jobs?

DUDARD:
It was yesterday, it was Sunday.

BOTARD:
I work on Sundays. It’s better than going to church and listen to some stupid priest drone on about…

PAPILLON:
Oh!

BOTARD:
Sorry, I didn't mean to “offend” you…Just because I hate religion doesn’t mean I’m anti-religious.
Pause.
First of all, do you know what a rhinoceros is?

DAISY:
It's a ...it's a big, brutish animal.

BOTARD:
And you call yourself precise! The rhinoceros, my dear…

PAPILLON:
There's no need to start a lecture on the rhinoceros here. We're not in school.

BOTARD:
That's too bad.
During these last speeches BERENGER is seen climbing the last steps of the staircase;
he opens the office door cautiously; as he does so one can read the notice on it: “Legal
Publications”

PAPILLON:
Well, it's 9:00. Daisy, put the time sheets away. Too bad for the late-comers.

DAISY goes to the little table, on which the time sheets are placed, at the same moment
as BERENGER enters.

BÉRENGER:
Good morning, Daisy. I'm not late, am I?

BOTARD:
I fight ignorance wherever I find it!

DAISY:
Hurry up.

BOTARD:
...at home, on the street...

DAISY:
Quick! Sign in!

BÉRENGER:
Thanks. Is he here?

DAISY:
Shh. Yes.

BÉRENGER:
Already?

BOTARD:
…No matter where! Even here.

PAPILLON:
Mr. Botard, I think...

BÉRENGER:
It’s not even 10 after.

PAPILLON:
I think you crossed a line here…

DUDARD:
I think so too.

PAPILLON:
You’re not calling your colleague and mine, Mr. Dotard, who is an excellent employee (and a lawyer)
ignorant, are you?

BOTARD:
I’m not saying that, but Law School is basically Kindergarten.

PAPILLON:
Can I have the time sheet?

DAISY:
Here it is, sir.

BOTARD:
What’s missing in Universities these days is clear thinking, the scientific method, common sense. Now it’s
all about—

DUDARD:
Oh come on!

BERENGER:
Good morning, Mr. Papillon. Sorry I was almost late. Good Morning Dudard, Mr. Botard.

PAPILLON:
So Berenger, did you see the rhinoceros too?

BOTARD:
College professors and their abstract theories don’t know a thing about real life.

DUDARD:
That’s bullshit.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, of course I saw it.

BOTARD:
Pfff!

DAISY:
See, I'm not crazy.

BOTARD:
Berenger’s just being chivalrous—he's very gallant even if he doesn't look it.

DUDARD:
It’s gallant to say you've seen a rhinoceros?

BOTARD:
Of course. When it’s done to defend Daisy. Everybody wants to impress her. It’s understandable.

PAPILLON:
Don't start, Botard. He just got here. He didn’t even hear what we were talking about.

BERENGER:
Didn’t you see it? We did.

BOTARD:
Pfff! It's possible that Berenger believes he saw a rhinoceros.
He makes a sign behind BERENGER 'S back to indicate he drinks.
He has a vivid imagination. With him anything’s possible.

BÉRENGER:
I wasn't alone when I saw it. (perhaps there were two rhinoceroses)—

BOTARD:
—He doesn't even know how many he saw.

BÉRENGER:
…I was with my friend Jean. And other people were there, too.
BOTARD:
You don’t know what you're talking about.

DAISY:
It was a one-horned rhinoceros.

DUDARD:
Actually, from what I heard, it was a two-horned rhinoceros.

BOTARD:
You people have to make up your minds.

PAPILLON:
That’ll do, it’s getting late.

BOTARD:
Berenger, did you see one rhinoceros or two rhinoceroses?

BÉRENGER:
Well…

BOTARD:
You don't know. Daisy saw one one-horned rhinoceros. And your rhinoceros (if it was a rhinoceros) was
it one-horned or two horned?

BÉRENGER:
You see, that's the problem.

BOTARD:
This is bullshit. I’m not trying to be offensive. But I don't believe a word of your story. No one around
here has ever seen a rhinoceros.

DAISY:
There's a first time for everything.

BOTARD:
No one has ever seen one—except in books. Your rhinoceros is a fantasy.

BÉRENGER:
It seems weird to call rhinoceroses a ‘fantasy.’

DUDARD:
That’s true

BOTARD:
Your rhinoceros is a myth!

DAISY:
A myth?
PAPILLON:
I think we should get to work.

BOTARD:
A myth—like UFOs.

DUDARD:
There is a dead cat. You can’t deny that.

BÉRENGER:
I’m a witness.

DUDARD:
And a witness.

BOTARD:
Some witness.

PAPILLON:
Please…please!

BOTARD:
Mass delusion, Dudard. Just like religion!

DAISY:
Well I believe in UFOs.

BOTARD:
Pfff!

PAPILLON:
That's enough. Rhinoceroses or no rhinoceroses, UFOs or not, it’s time to get to work. You're not being
paid to argue about real or imaginary animals.

BOTARD:
Imaginary.

DUDARD:
Real.

DAISY:
Very real.

PAPILLON:
I remind you once again that you are on the clock. I’m putting an end to this meaningless debate.

BOTARD:
Very well, Mr. Papillon. You’re the boss. Your wish is our command.

PAPILLON:
Get to it. Dudard, how is your story on the alcohol law coming?

DUDARD:
I’m finishing it.

PAPILLON:
Then finish it. It's urgent. Berenger and Botard, did you correct the proofs for the wine import
regulations?

BÉRENGER:
Not yet, Mr. Papillon.

PAPILLON:
Correct them together. The printers are waiting. Daisy, bring the letters to my office for signature. Hurry
up.

DAISY:
Yes, Mr. Papillon.

DAISY goes and types at her desk. DUDARD sits at his desk and starts to work.
BERENGER and BOTARD sit at their little tables. BOTARD seems in a bad
temper. BERENGER is passive and limp; he spreads the proofs on the table, passes
the manuscript to BOTARD; BOTARD sits down grumbling.

Exits.

BÉRENGER:
“Persons seeking to engage in the business of importing distilled spirits, wine, or malt beverages must
apply for a Federal Basic Importer’s permit. To obtain an Importer’s Permit,

DUDARD:
Not so loud. I can't concentrate.

BÉRENGER: (more quietly)

To obtain an Importer’s Permit, the importer must file an "Application for Basic Permit under the Federal
Alcohol Administration Act" The process may be done electronically, or by submitting a paper copy of the
form.
Continues under the following dialogue.

To obtain an Importer’s Permit, the importer must maintain and staff a business office. If you are unable
to conduct business, you must contract with an existing licensed importer. Making a commercial
arrangement with an existing licensed importer eliminates the need to obtain an importer’s permit.

BOTARD:
It's a hoax.

DUDARD:
What's a hoax?
BOTARD:
Your rhinoceros business, of course. It’s all propaganda to get rumors started.

DUDARD:
Propaganda for who?

BÉRENGER:
It is not propaganda.

DAISY:
Do I have to tell you again, I saw it...I saw it, others saw it.

DUDARD:
You make me laugh! Propaganda! Propaganda for what?

BOTARD:
You know. Don’t act dumb.

DUDARD:
Botard, I’m not the one spouting conspiracy theories.

BOTARD:
I'm not going to stand for that!

BÉRENGER:
Botard…

DUDARD rises.

DAISY:
Dudard…

BOTARD:
I'm not going to stand for that!

MR. PAPILLON'S door opens. BOTARD and DUDARD sit down; MR.
PAPILLON is holding the time sheet in his hand.

PAPILLON:
Is Mr. Boeuf here today?

BÉRENGER:
No he isn’t.

PAPILLON:
Perfect. I need him. Did he tell anyone couldn't come in?

DAISY:
He didn't say anything to me.
 At this moment MRS. BOEUF enters out of breath, apprehensive.

BÉRENGER:
Oh here's Mrs. Boeuf.

DAISY:
Good morning, Mrs. Boeuf.

MRS. BOEUF:
Good morning, Mr. Papillon. Good morning everyone.

PAPILLON:
And your husband? What's happening? Is it too much trouble for him to come any more?

MRS. BOEUF:
Please forgive him…forgive my husband ...he went to visit his family for the weekend. He has a little cold.

PAPILLON:
He has a little cold, has he?

MRS. BOEUF: (handing a note to PAPILLON)

He says so in this note. He hopes to be back on Wednesday...
She almost faints.
Could I have a glass of water...and sit down...
BERENGER takes his own chair, on which she collapses.

PAPILLON:
Give her a glass of water.

DAISY:
Right away.

PAPILLON:
It's annoying that Boeuf isn’t here. But that's no reason for you to fall apart.

MRS. BOEUF:
It's not...it's...well…I was chased here all the way from the house by a rhinoceros.

BÉRENGER:
One horn or two horns?

BOTARD:
Come on!

DUDARD:
Let her speak.

MRS. BOEUF:
It's down there, by the entrance. It seemed to want to come up here.
 At this moment a noise is heard. The staircase steps crumble. From below an anguished
roar is heard. As the dust clears after the collapse of the staircase, the staircase landing is
seen to be hanging in space.

DAISY:
My God!

MRS. BOEUF:
Oh!

BERENGER runs to MRS. BOEUF, patting her cheeks and making her drink.

BÉRENGER:
Calm down!
The roaring continues.

DAISY:
Feel better?

PAPILLON:
There it is! Down there! It is a rhinoceros!

BOTARD:
I don’t see anything. It's your imagination.

DUDARD:
It’s not… down there, turning round and round. Come look. Come look at your rhinoceros.

BERENGER rushes to the landing, followed by DAISY who abandons MRS.

BOEUF.

PAPILLON:
Alright, you're the rhinoceros expert--take a good look.

BÉRENGER:
I'm not a rhinoceros expert...

DAISY:
Look at the way it's turning around...it looks hurt...what does it want?

DUDARD:
It’s looking for someone. Do you see it now?

DAISY:
Maybe it’s your imagination...

BOTARD:
I don’t have an imagination. Something is definitely down there.

DUDARD:
“Something?”

BÉRENGER:
It has two horns. It's an African rhinoceros—I mean Asian…Does two-hornedness characterize
rhinoceroses from Asia or the Africa?

DAISY:
Poor thing, it keeps turning around. What does it want? Oh, it's looking at us!
DAISY starts to coo at the rhinoceros.

DUDARD:
I wouldn’t pet it. It’s probably not tame.
The rhinoceros gives a horrible roar.

DAISY:
Poor thing!

PAPILLON:
What are we going to do without a staircase? It's the landlord’s fault.

DAISY:
Maybe. But how are we going to get down?

PAPILLON:
I'll take you in my arms and we'll jump down.

DAISY:
Get your hands off me you animal!
(Slap?)

PAPILLON:
I was kidding!
Meanwhile the rhinoceros has continued its roaring. MRS. BOEUF has risen and
joined the group. For a few moments she stares at the rhinoceros turning around, then she
lets out a cry.

MRS. BOEUF:
My God! It’s impossible!

BÉRENGER:
What's the matter?

MRS. BOEUF:
It's my husband. Oh Boeuf, my poor Boeuf, what's happened to you?
DAISY:
Are you sure?

MRS. BOEUF:
I know him, I know him!
The rhinoceros replies with a loud but tender roar.

PAPILLON:
This time he's really fired!

DUDARD:
Does he have insurance?

BOTARD:
I understand everything now...

DAISY:
How is a rhinoceros supposed to file an insurance claim?

MRS. BOEUF:
Oh! My God!

BERENGER:
Oh!

DAISY:
Bring her here!
BERENGER, helped by DUDARD and DAISY, sits MRS. BOEUF down.

DUDARD:
Don’t worry, Mrs. Boeuf

MRS. BOEUF:
Ah! Oh!

DAISY:
Maybe it’ll be OK...

PAPILLON:
Can she sue?

DUDARD:
You’d have to ask a lawyer.

BOTARD:
This is pure madness!
They crowd around MRS. BOEUF, pinching her cheeks; she opens her eyes, emits an
'Ah' and closes them again.)
MRS. BOEUF: (coming to)
My poor darling…I can't leave him like this…my poor darling.
A roar is heard.
He's calling me. He's calling me.

DAISY:
Are you feeling better now?

DUDARD:
She's coming out of it.

PAPILLON:
Daisy, where’s the mail?

DAISY:
We should first figure out how we’re going to get out of here..

PAPILLON:
It is a problem. Through the window?
They all go to the window with the exception of MRS. BOEUF slumped in her chair
and BOTARD.

DAISY:
It's too high.

BÉRENGER:
Maybe we should call the fire department and tell them to come with ladders.

PAPILLON:
Daisy, call the fire department.
DAISY goes out.

MRS. BOEUF:
I can't leave him like this. I can’t leave him like this!

PAPILLON:
If you want to divorce him ...you have a really good reason.

DUDARD:
This is definitely his fault.

MRS. BOEUF:
No! Not now. I can’t leave my husband like this.

BOTARD:
You're a good woman.
DUDARD: (to MRS. BOEUF)
But what are you going to do?
She runs left towards the landing.

BÉRENGER:
Watch out!

MRS. BOEUF:
I can't leave him, I can't leave him now!

DUDARD:
Hold her back!

MRS. BOEUF:
I'm taking him home!

PAPILLON:
What's she trying to do?

MRS. BOEUF: (preparing to jump)

I'm coming my darling, I'm coming!

BÉRENGER:
She's going to jump.

BOTARD:
It's her duty.

DUDARD:
She can't do that.
She jumps; BERENGER who tries to restrain her, is left with her skirt in his hand.

BÉRENGER:
I couldn't hold her back.

The rhinoceros is heard from below, tenderly trumpeting.

MRS. BOEUF: (off)

Here I am, my dear, I'm here now.

DUDARD:
She landed on his back.

MRS. BOEUF:
Home now, dear, let's go home.

DUDARD:
Aaand they’re off.
BÉRENGER:
They're moving fast.

BÉRENGER:
They're already a long way off. They're out of sight.

DAISY:
I couldn’t get the fire department.

PAPILLON:
Are there fires all over town?

DAISY:
No, there aren't any fires, the firemen have been called out for other rhinoceroses.

BÉRENGER:
For other rhinoceroses?

DUDARD
What do you mean for other rhinoceroses?

DAISY:
Yes, other rhinoceroses. They’re in little pockets all over town. This morning there were seven, now there
are seventeen.

BOTARD:
What did I tell you?

DAISY:
There have been 32 reports. They're not official yet, but they're bound to be confirmed soon.

BOTARD:
Pff!! They always exaggerate.

PAPILLON:
Are they coming to get us out of here?

BÉRENGER:
I'm hungry...

DAISY:
Yes, they're on the way.

PAPILLON:
You can’t all leave.
Pause.
We'll have to make up the lost time.
DUDARD:
Well, Botard, do you still deny all rhinoceric evidence?

BOTARD:
The union will protest your firing Mr. Boeuf without notice.

PAPILLON:
It's not up to me; we will see what conclusions they reach at the enquiry.

BOTARD:
No, Mr. Dudard, I do not deny the rhinoceric evidence. I never denied it.

DUDARD:
You’re lying!

DAISY:
Yeah, you’re lying

BOTARD:
I never denied it. I just wanted to find out where this would lead. I'm not going to just accept that a
phenomenon exists. I want to understand and explain it.

DUDARD:
Then explain it to us.

DAISY:
Yes, explain it, Mr. Botard.

PAPILLON:
Explain it, please, sir.

BOTARD:
I will explain it...

DUDARD:
We're all listening.

DAISY:
I'm very curious.

BOTARD:
I will explain it ...one day...

DUDARD:
Why not now?

BOTARD: (menacingly; to MR. PAPILLON)

We'll go into the explanation later, in private. (To everyone) I know the truth, the real story.

DAISY:
What truth?

BÉRENGER:
What real story?

DUDARD:
I'd love to hear the real story...

BOTARD:
And I know who’s responsible. The names of these traitors. I’m no fool. I'll tell you why this is happening!
I'll name names!

BÉRENGER:
Who would want to…

DUDARD:
You're avoiding the question, Botard.

PAPILLON:
No avoiding please.

BOTARD:
Me? I’m avoiding the question? Me?

DAISY:
You just accused us of suffering from mass delusion.

BOTARD:
Just now, yes. Now the delusion is attacking us.

DUDARD:
And how did that happen—according to your theory?

BOTARD:
Everyone knows. It's an open secret.
The noise and hooting of a fire-engine is heard. The brakes are abruptly applied just
under the window.

DAISY:
The fire department’s here.

BOTARD:
This changes everything. We can’t go on like this.

DUDARD:
This doesn’t change anything, Mr. Botard. Rhinoceroses exist, that’s all. It doesn’t mean anything else.

DAISY:
Up here!
 A bustling is heard below, commotion, engine noises.

VOICE OF FIREMAN:
Get the ladder up!

PAPILLON:
I want you all back to work this afternoon.
The firemen's ladder is placed against the window.

DUDARD:
These are extraordinary circumstances.

BOTARD:
They can't force us to come back like this. We'll have to wait till the staircase is repaired.

DUDARD:
If anyone breaks a leg, they could sue.

PAPILLON:
That's true.
A fireman's helmet is seen, followed by the fireman.

BÉRENGER:
After you, Daisy.

FIREMAN:
Come on, Miss.
The fireman takes DAISY in his arms; she steps astride the window and disappears
with him.

DUDARD:
Good-bye Daisy. See you soon.

DAISY: (disappearing)
See you soon, good-bye!

PAPILLON:
Call me tomorrow morning, Miss Daisy. You’ll come do your typing at my house. I want to remind
everyone that we’re not on vacation, and that work will resume as soon as possible. Do you hear me?

DUDARD:
Of course, Mr. Papillon.

FIREMAN: (reappearing)
Who's next?

PAPILLON:
Go ahead.

DUDARD:
After you, Mr. Papillon.

BÉRENGER:
After you, boss.

BOTARD:
You of course.

FIREMAN:
Come on, hurry up. We don’t have time. We've have other calls to make.

BOTARD:
What did I tell you?
PAPILLON, the letters under his arm, steps astride the window.

PAPILLON:
Careful with those papers. Good-bye.

DUDARD:
Good-bye.

BÉRENGER:
Good-bye.

PAPILLON: (exiting)
Careful with those. Dudard, lock the office.

DUDARD: (shouting)
Don't worry. After you.

BOTARD:
Gentlemen, I’m going down... And I am going to the police. I'll get to the bottom of this so-called
mystery.

DUDARD:
I thought it was all perfectly clear to you.

BOTARD:
I’m immune to your irony. What I want is to show you the truth.

DUDARD:
That's absurd...

BOTARD:
Your insults—
DUDARD:
You’re insulting me...

BOTARD: (exiting)
I don't insult. I merely prove.

VOICE OF FIREMAN:
Come on!

DUDARD:
What are you doing this afternoon? Let’s have a drink.
The fireman reappears.

FIREMAN: Let’s go. Let’s go!

BÉRENGER:
After you.

DUDARD:
After you.

BÉRENGER:
Oh no, after you.

DUDARD:
No, I insist, after you.

BÉRENGER:
No, please, after you.

FIREMAN:
Hurry up!

DUDARD:
After you.

BÉRENGER:
No, after you.

They climb through the window together. The fireman helps them down.

CURTAIN
 ACT TWO
SCENE TWO

When the curtain rises, JEAN is in bed, lying under the blanket, his back to the
audience. We hear him cough.
After a few moments BERENGER is seen, climbing the top steps of the staircase. He
knocks; JEAN does not answer. BERENGER knocks again.

BERENGER:
Jean !
He knocks again.
Jean !

The door at the end of the landing opens slightly, and a little old man with a white goatee
appears.

OLD MAN:
What is it?

BÉRENGER:
I’m here to see Jean. My friend, Jean.

OLD MAN:
I thought you were here for me. My name's Jean too, but it's the other one you want.

OLD MAN'S WIFE:

Is it for us?

OLD MAN:
No, for the other one.

BÉRENGER:(knocking)
Jean !

OLD MAN:
I didn't see him leave. I saw him come in last night. He didn’t look too happy.

BÉRENGER:
I know why; it was my fault.

OLD MAN:
Maybe he doesn't want to open the door. Try again.

OLD MAN'S WIFE:

Jean, don't gossip.

BÉRENGER:
Jean!
OLD MAN:
Oh dear...
He closes his door and disappears.

JEAN:(still lying down)

What is it?

BÉRENGER:
I want to talk to you.

JEAN:
Who is it?

BÉRENGER:
It's me. I hope I'm not disturbing you.

JEAN:
Oh it's you. Come in!

BÉRENGER:
The door's locked.

JEAN:
One second…Oh God...
JEAN gets up grudgingly.
One second.
He unlocks the door.
One second.
He goes back to bed, gets under the blanket.
Come in!

BÉRENGER:
Hello Jean.

JEAN:
What time is it? You’re not a work?

BÉRENGER:
You're still in bed; you're not at work. …Sorry, maybe I came at a bad time.

JEAN:
It’s funny, I didn't recognize your voice.

BÉRENGER:
I didn't recognize yours either.

JEAN:
Sit down.

BERENGER:
Are you sick?
JEAN replies with a grunt.

You know, JEAN , it was stupid of me to get so upset yesterday over that story.

JEAN:
What story?

BÉRENGER:
Yesterday...

JEAN:
When yesterday? Where yesterday?

BÉRENGER:
Don't you remember? It was about that rhinoceros, that stupid rhinoceros.

JEAN:
What rhinoceros?

BÉRENGER:
The rhinoceros, I mean the two stupid rhinoceroses we saw.

JEAN:
Oh,yes, I remember ...How do you know they were stupid?

BÉRENGER:
It’s a figure of speech.

JEAN:
Oh. It’s OK. Let’s drop it.

BÉRENGER:
That's nice of you.

JEAN:
Then that's that.

BÉRENGER:
But I want to say anyway that I’m sorry for being so insistent ...and so stubborn ...and getting angry ...in
fact ...I acted stupidly.

JEAN:
That’s not surprising.

BÉRENGER:
I'm very sorry.

JEAN:
I don't feel very well.
He coughs.

BÉRENGER:
That's probably why you're in bed.
Pause
You know… as it turns out, we were both right.

JEAN:
About what?

BÉRENGER:
About ...well…sorry to bring it up again, I won’t stay on this topic for long. I just wanted you to know that
in a way we were both right. It's proven now. There are both two-horned and one-horned rhinoceroses in
town.

JEAN:
That's what I told you! Oh well, that’s a shame.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, it’s a shame.

JEAN:
Or maybe it's for the best. It depends.

BÉRENGER:
Which one comes from where doesn’t matter very much, ultimately. The important thing, in my eyes, is
the fact that they’re here at all, because—

JEAN:
I don't feel well, I really don't feel well.

BÉRENGER:
I’m sorry. What do you think it is?

JEAN:
I don't know exactly, a virus...

BÉRENGER:
Do you feel weak?

JEAN:
Not at all. I’m strong as an ox.

BÉRENGER:
I meant just a temporary weakness. It happens to everybody.
JEAN:
Not to me.

BÉRENGER:
Maybe you're too healthy then. Too much energy can be a bad thing sometimes. It disrupts the nervous
system.

JEAN:
My nervous system is in perfect shape.
His voice has become more and more hoarse.
I'm perfectly healthy in body and mind. I have good genes...

BÉRENGER:
I know you do. Maybe you just caught a cold. Do you have a fever?

JEAN:
I don't know. Yes, I probably have a slight fever. My head hurts.

BÉRENGER:
Just a headache. I can leave you alone if you want?

JEAN:
No, stay. You’re not bothering me.

BÉRENGER:
You’re hoarse.

JEAN:
Hoarse?

BÉRENGER:
A bit hoarse, yes. That's why I didn't recognize your voice.

JEAN:
I’m not hoarse. My voice hasn't changed; yours has changed.

BÉRENGER:
Mine?

JEAN:
Why not?

BÉRENGER:
It's possible. I hadn't noticed.

JEAN: (even hoarser.)

Is there anything you notice about yourself? Actually it's my forehead that hurts. I must have hit it on
something.
BÉRENGER:
When did you hit your head?

JEAN:
I don't know. I don't remember it happening.

BÉRENGER:
But it would have hurt.

JEAN:
I must have done it while I was asleep.

BÉRENGER:
It would have woken you up. You must have just dreamed that you hit your head.

JEAN:
I don’t dream...

BÉRENGER:
Your headache could have started while you were asleep. You forgot your dream, or you only remember it
subconsciously.

JEAN:
Subconsciously, me? I'm the master of my own thoughts. My mind doesn't wander. I think straight, I
always think straight—

BÉRENGER:
I know that. I’m not being clear.

JEAN:
Then be clear. There’s no reason to talk to be about unpleasant things.

BÉRENGER:
When you have a headache it often seems like you hit your head. If you really hit your head, you'd have a
bump…Oh, you have one, you do have a bump, in fact.

JEAN:
A bump?

BÉRENGER:
Just a tiny one.

JEAN:
Where?

BÉRENGER:
There, it starts right above your nose.

JEAN:
I don have a bump. My family doesn’t get bumps.

BÉRENGER:
Do you have a mirror?

JEAN:
That's it! I can feel something. On dirait bien pourtant. I'm going to take a look, in the bathroom.
He gets up abruptly and goes to the bathroom. BERENGER watches him as he goes.

(offstage)
It's true, I have a bump.
He comes back; his skin looks greener.

So I did hit my head myself.

BÉRENGER:
You don't look well, your skin is greenish.

JEAN:
You love saying nasty things to me. Have you taken a look at yourself lately?

BÉRENGER:
Forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you.

JEAN:(very hoarse)
That's hard to believe.

BÉRENGER:
Your breathing's very heavy. Does your throat hurt? Does your throat hurt? Maybe it’s your heart.

JEAN:
How would it be my heart?

BÉRENGER:
It's nothing to be ashamed of—I’ve had some heart problems. Let me take your pulse.

JEAN:(even hoarser)
Oh, It’ll be fine.

BÉRENGER:
Your pulse is normal. Don’t worry.

JEAN:
I'm not worried in the slightest--why should I be?

BÉRENGER:
You're right. A good night’s sleep and you’ll be fine.

JEAN:
I don’t have time to sleep. I have to get some food.

BÉRENGER:
If you're hungry, you can’t be too sick. But even so, you should take it easy. Have you seen a doctor?

JEAN:
I don't need to see a doctor.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, you need to see a doctor.

JEAN:
You're not going to get me to see a doctor because I don't want to see a doctor. I can take care of myself.

BÉRENGER:
You shouldn't reject medical advice.

JEAN:
Doctors invent illnesses that don't exist.

BÉRENGER:
But that comes from a good place. That way they can take care of people.

JEAN:
They invent illnesses, they invent them.

BÉRENGER:
Maybe they do. But after they invent them they cure them.

JEAN:
I only trust veterinarians.

BÉRENGER:
Your veins are swollen. They're jutting out.

JEAN:
It's a sign of virility, of health and strength.

BÉRENGER:
Of course it's a sign of health and strength. But...
JEAN violently pulls back his arm.

JEAN:
Where do you get off examining me like some strange animal?

BÉRENGER:
It's your skin...

JEAN:
What does my skin have to do with you? I don't talk about your skin, do I?

BÉRENGER:
It's just that ...it seems to be changing color. It's turning green.
He tries to take JEAN 'S hand.

It's getting tough, too.

JEAN:
Stop handling me! What's the matter with you? You're getting on my nerves.

BÉRENGER:(aside)
Maybe it's more serious than I thought.
Moving toward the phone
We have to get you to a doctor.

JEAN:
Leave that thing alone.
He pushes BERENGER.
Mind your own business.

BÉRENGER:
Fine. Fine. It was for your own good.

JEAN:(coughing)
I know better than you what's good for me.

BÉRENGER:
You're breathing very hard.

JEAN:
You don't like my breathing? I don't like yours!. Your breathing's too weak, you can't even hear it; like
you’re going to drop dead any minute.

BÉRENGER:
I know I'm not as strong as you are.

JEAN:
I don't keep trying to get you to the doctor, do I? Live and let live.

BÉRENGER:
Don't get angry. I'm your friend.

JEAN:
There's no such thing as friendship. I don't believe in friendship.

BÉRENGER:
That's hurtful.
JEAN:
There's nothing to be hurt about.

BÉRENGER:
My friend...

JEAN:
I'm not your friend.

BÉRENGER:
You're pretty cynical today.

JEAN:
Yes, I’m cynical, cynical, cynical. I like being cynical.

BÉRENGER:
You're still mad about our fight. I admit it was my fault. That's why I came to say I was sorry...

JEAN:
What fight?

BÉRENGER:
I just told you. You know, about the rhinoceros.

JEAN:
Honestly, I don’t hate people. They don’t matter to me (actually, they disgust me), but if they get in my
way I'll trample over them.
JEAN begins to pace, increasingly agitated.

BÉRENGER:
You know that I would never get in your way.

JEAN:
I have one goal. And I'm charging straight toward it.

BÉRENGER:
I'm sure you're right…But…it seems like something’s bothering you.

Jean’s pacing is increasingly wild…like an animal in a cage—wall to wall and Berenger

has to dodge to get away from him.

Don’t get worked up, it's bad for you.

JEAN:
I’m uncomfortable in this.
He undoes his pyjama shirt and does it up again.
BÉRENGER:
What’s the matter with your skin?

JEAN:
My skin again? It’s my skin. I certainly wouldn't want to change it for yours.

BÉRENGER:
It's like leather.

JEAN:
That makes it tougher. It's weatherproof.

BERENGER:
You're getting greener and greener.

JEAN:
What is it with you and things turning green today? You're seeing things because you're drunk.

BERENGER:
I was yesterday, but not today.

JEAN:
Then it’s all the times you got drunk in the past adding up.
He growls.

BERENGER
What was that?

JEAN(very hoarse)
I’m not saying anything. I did this:
He growls.
Its fun.

BÉRENGER
Do you know what happened to Boeuf? He turned into a rhinoceros.

JEAN
What happened to Boeuf?

BÉRENGER
He became a rhinoceros.

JEAN
He growls.

BÉRENGER
Stop playing around. Stop growling.
JEAN
Let me growl…I have every right to growl in my own house.

BÉRENGER
I never said you didn’t.

JEAN
You better not….God it’s hot…
He growls.

One second. I need a drink.

JEAN exits

BÉRENGER
You’re delirious.
We hear JEAN in the bathroom, breathing hard. We hear running water.

JEAN (off)
He growls.

BÉRENGER
He’s hallucinating…Too bad for him, I’m calling a doctor.

JEAN
So, brave Boeuf became a rhinoceros? He’s playing a trick. He’s in disguise.
He sticks his head out of the bathroom. He’s greener, the bump on his forehead is bigger.
It’s a joke.

BÉRENGER (without seeing Jean)

I can assure you it’s quite serious.

JEAN
Well, it suits him.

BÉRENGER.
It wasn’t his choice. This happened to him against his will.

JEAN
What do you know about it?

BÉRENGER
Well, there’s at least some doubt about it.

JEAN
And if he did do it intentionally? Well? If he did it intentionally?

BÉRENGER
That would surprise me. Mrs. Boeuf didn’t know anything about it.

JEAN
Ah, Old Mrs. Boeuf. She's a fool!

BÉRENGER:
Well fool or not...
JEAN comes in quickly, takes his shirt off and throws it on his bed. BERENGER
doesn’t notice. JEAN goes back into the bathroom.

Boeuf never told his wife anything...

BERENGER:
You're wrong, Jean—they were very close.

JEAN:
Very close, were they? Are you sure?
He growls.

BÉRENGER:
Very close. And the proof is...

JEAN:(off)
Boeuf had secrets. There was a part of him that he kept from everyone.

BÉRENGER:
I shouldn't make you talk about this, it seems to upset you.

JEAN:
Actually, it relaxes me.

BÉRENGER:
Let me call a doctor, Please.

JEAN:
Absolutely not!. I can't stand stubborn people.
JEAN comes back into the bedroom. BERENGER backs away a little scared.
JEAN is greener than ever and speaks with difficulty. His voice is unrecognizable.

JEAN:
Whether he turned into a rhinoceros on purpose or against his will, he's probably better for it.

BÉRENGER:
What are you saying? How can you think—

JEAN:
Everywhere you look you see tragedy. If it makes him happy to be a rhinoceros, it makes him happy.
There's nothing special in that.
BÉRENGER:
There's nothing special in it, but I doubt it gave him much pleasure.

JEAN:
Why?

BÉRENGER:
I don’t know why. Any normal person would think this.

JEAN:
It’s not that bad… After all, rhinoceros are living creatures like we are, who have a right to life just like
ours.

BÉRENGER:
As long as they don't destroy ours. You do understand the difference, right?

JEAN:(pacing again)
Do you think we are superior?

BÉRENGER:
At least we have morality—you can’t say that about animals

JEAN:
Morality? Precious morality! I'm sick of morality! It’s time move beyond morality!

BÉRENGER:
And what should we replace it with?

JEAN:(still pacing)
Nature!

BÉRENGER:
Nature?

JEAN:
Nature has laws. Morality in unnatural.

BÉRENGER:
You want to replace our moral laws by the law of the jungle?

JEAN:
That would be fine with me. I’d be fine.

BÉRENGER:
You can say that. But deep down, no one—

JEAN: (pacing)
It’s time to rebuild of our society. It’s time to restore primal values.
BÉRENGER:
I don't agree with you at all.
JEAN breathes in and out very heavily.

Think about it. Look, you know well that we have ethics that animals don't have, a universal value system.
Centuries of human civilization built it—

JEAN:(off)
When we tear all of that down, we'll be better off!

BÉRENGER:
You’re not serious. You're joking!

JEAN:
He growls.

BÉRENGER:
I know you too well to think you really believe this. You know as well as I that Man—

JEAN:
Man! Don’t use that word again!

BÉRENGER:
I’m talking about human beings, humanity.

JEAN:
The human being is obsolete! You're so naive.
(Exits.)

BÉRENGER:
But in the end the soul…

JEAN:
(off) Clichés! This is bullshit!

BÉRENGER:
Bullshit!

JEAN:(off, difficult to understand)

Total bullshit!

BÉRENGER:
Really, Jean?! You must be out of your mind. Do you want to be a rhinoceros?

JEAN:
Why not? I don’t have your biases.

BÉRENGER:
Can you speak more clearly? I don’t understand you.
JEAN:
OPEN YOUR EARS!

BÉRENGER:
What?

JEAN:
Open your ears. I said why not be a rhinoceros. I like change.

BÉRENGER:
What are you saying—
JEAN enters, much greener with a large lump.
You’re out of your mind!
JEAN dashes to his bed, throws the covers on the floor, talking in a fast and furious
gabble, and making very weird sounds.
Calm down--calm down! I don’t recognize you any more.

JEAN:
(hardly distinguishable) Hot ... too hot. Destroy everything, clothes, it itches, clothes, it itches!

BÉRENGER:
What are you doing? I don’t recognize you.

JEAN:
The swamps!

BÉRENGER:
Look at me! Can you see me? Can you hear me?

JEAN:
I hear you fine! I see you fine!
He lunges towards BERENGER, head down. BERENGER gets out of the way.

BÉRENGER:
Watch out!

JEAN:(puffing noisily)
Sorry!
He darts at great speed into the bathroom.

BÉRENGER:
I really can't leave him like this.
BERENGER goes into the bathroom.
(off)
I'm going to get the doctor! It's absolutely necessary, believe me!
JEAN:(off)
No!

BÉRENGER:(off)
Calm down, JEAN, you're being ridiculous! Oh, your horn's getting longer and longer—you turned into a
rhi—

JEAN:(off)
I'll crush you, I'll crush you!
A lot of noise comes from the bathroom, roars, objects falling, the sound of a shattered
mirror; then BERENGER reappears, very frightened; he closes the bathroom door with
difficulty against the resistance that is being made from inside.

BÉRENGER:
He's a rhinoceros, he's a rhinoceros!
BERENGER manages to close the door. As he does so, a rhinoceros horn comes
through the door. The door shakes under the animal's constant pressure and the din
continues in the bathroom; roars are heard, interspersed with indistinct phrases such as:
'I'm furious! The swine!' etc. BERENGER rushes to the door right.

I never would have thought it of him--never!

He opens the staircase door and goes and knocks at the other OLD MAN’S door; he
bangs repeatedly on it with his fist.

There's a rhinoceros in the building! Get the police!

OLD MAN: (poking his head out)

What is wrong with you?

BÉRENGER:
Get the police! There's a rhinoceros in the building!

OLD MAN'S WIFE:

What is going on Jean? Why are you making all that noise?

OLD MAN:
I don't know what he's talking about. He's seen a rhinoceros.

BERENGER:
Yes, here in the building. Get the police!

OLD MAN:
What is wrong with you—disturbing people like this! What a way to behave!
BÉRENGER knocks on another door.

BÉRENGER:
Help, Help, there's a rhinoceros in the house, get the police! Help!
 The PORTER, a rhinoceros, enters.
Another!
BERENGER rushes back into JEAN 'S door, hesitates, then makes for the door of
the OLD MAN again. At this moment the door of the room opens to reveal two
rhinoceros heads.

Oh, my God!
BERENGER goes back into JEAN 'S room where the bathroom door is still
shaking. He goes to the window, facing the audience. He is exhausted, almost fainting; he
murmurs.
My God! Oh my God!
A large number of rhinoceros heads in line enter.

There's a whole herd of them in the street now! An army of rhinoceroses!

They're all over the sidewalk as well. How do I get out? How do I get out?
A herd of them?! And they said the rhinoceros was solitary! It’s a lie, we’ll have to change that stereotype!
They’ve destroyed everything on the street.
What do we do now?!
Rhinoceros! Rhinoceros!

CURTAIN
 ACT THREE
SCENE ONE

BERENGER is lying on his couch, his back to the audience. His head is bandaged.
He seems to be having a bad dream, and writhes in his sleep.

BÉRENGER:
No.
Pause.
Watch out for the horns!
Pause.
The noise of a considerable number of rhinoceroses is heard passing under the up-stage
window.
No!
He falls to the floor still fighting with what he has seen in his dream, and wakes up. He
puts his hand to his head, then moves to the mirror and lifts his bandage, as the noises
fade away. He heaves a sigh of relief when he sees he has no bump.
He hesitates, goes to the couch, lies down, and instantly gets up again. He goes to the
table where he takes up a bottle of brandy and a glass, and is about to pour himself a
drink. Then he puts the bottle and glass down.
Where’s your willpower?
We hear the rhinoceroses again under the up-stage window.
The noises stop. BERENGER goes to the little table, hesitates a moment, then with a
gesture of 'Oh what's it matter!' he pours himself a glass of brandy which he downs in one
gulp. He puts the bottle and glass back in place.
He coughs. His cough seems to worry him; he coughs again and listens hard to the sound.
He looks at himself again in the mirror, coughing, then opens the window; the panting of
the animals becomes louder; he coughs again.
No, it's not the same!
He calms down, shuts the window, feels his bandaged forehead, goes to his divan, and
seems to fall asleep.
DUDARD comes up the stairs; he gets to the landing and knocks on
BERENGER’S door.

BÉRENGER:
What is it?

DUDARD:
I want to talk to you.

BÉRENGER:
Who is it?

DUDARD:
It's me. I hope I’m not disturbing you.
BÉRENGER:
Ah, it's you, come in!

DUDARD:
I hope I'm not disturbing you. The door's locked.

BÉRENGER:
Just a moment.
BERENGER unlocks the door.

DUDARD:
Hello.

BÉRENGER:
Hello, Dudard, what time is it?

DUDARD:
So, still here, still barricaded in your room! Are you feeling better?

BÉRENGER:
Forgive me, I didn't recognize your voice.
He goes to open the window.
Yes, yes, I think I'm a bit better.

DUDARD:
My voice hasn't changed. I recognized yours.

BÉRENGER:
I'm sorry, I thought that anyway...you're right, your voice is quite normal. Mine hasn't changed either, has
it?

DUDARD:
Why would it have changed?

BÉRENGER:
I don’t sound…hoarse?

DUDARD:
Not at all

BÉRENGER:
OK. That's reassuring.

DUDARD:
What's bothering you? Do you have a cold?

BERENGER:
I hope not .... But sit down. Please make yourself at home.
DUDARD:
You still don’t feel well? Do you still have a headache?

BÉRENGER:
Of course I still have a headache. But I haven't hit my head…there's no bump, right?

DUDARD:
No you don’t have a bump. I don’t see anything.

BÉRENGER:
I won’t get one I hope. Never.

DUDARD:
If you didn’t hit your head, why would you have a bump?

BÉRENGER:
If I don’t hit my head, it won’t happen.

DUDARD:
Obviously. You just have to be careful. But what's bothering you? You're nervous and agitated. It’s clearly
because of your headache. Don’t move around and you'll feel better.

BÉRENGER:
A headache! Don't talk to me about headaches. Don't talk about them.

DUDARD:
It makes sense that you have a headache after all you’ve been through.

BÉRENGER:
I can't get over it.

DUDARD:
So there’s nothing surprising about your head hurting.

BÉRENGER:(looking under his bandage)

No, nothing ...You know, it can start like this.

DUDARD:
What can start?

BÉRENGER:
I'm afraid of becoming someone else.

DUDARD:
Because of Jean?--I know.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, because of Jean , of course—and because of the others, too.
DUDARD:
I know you were shocked.

BÉRENGER:
You have to admit I have every right to be.

DUDARD:
Anyway, you shouldn’t overreact, there’s no reason for you to—

BÉRENGER:
I would have liked to see you there. Jean was my best friend. And his transformation right in front of my
eyes, his rage…

DUDARD:
OK. You were deceived, I understand. Don’t think about it.

BÉRENGER:
How can I not think about it? Who would believe it? We'd known each other…forever. I would never
have imagined that he would turn into this. I was more sure of him than I am of myself! And to do that to
me!

DUDARD:
This didn’t happen specifically to you.

BÉRENGER:
It seemed like it did. If you'd seen him in that state...the expression on his face...

DUDARD:
It's because you happened to be with him. It would have been the same no matter who was there.

BÉRENGER:
He shouldn’t have let me see that, he should have controlled himself.

DUDARD:
You think you’re the center of the world, you think that everything that happens is about you; you're not
the center of the world.

BÉRENGER:
Maybe you have a point. I have to try to be calm, but this is so disturbing. To tell you the truth, it terrifies
me. How am I supposed to understand this?

DUDARD:
I haven't found a good explanation yet. I collect the facts, and I try to understand them. This is happening,
so there must be a good reason. A freak of nature, a practical joke, a game—who knows?
Pause.
Maybe Jean liked fresh air, the country, the wide-open spaces ...maybe he needed to relax. I'm not saying
this to excuse him...

BERENGER:
Even if you call me fearful, or boring, or completely out of touch, I would still believe what I believe: I
have to to resist this.

DUDARD:
Of course we’re all going to stay the same. So why are you upset over a few cases of rhinoceritis. It could
also be a disease.

BÉRENGER:
Exactly! I'm afraid of catching it.

DUDARD:
Oh, Don’t think about it anymore. Honestly, you’re attaching too much importance to this. Jean's case
isn’t symptomatic, isn’t representational; you said yourself that he was proud. In my opinion—excuse me
for insulting your friend--he was eccentric, excitable, wild. You can’t judge based on outliers. It's the
average that counts.

BÉRENGER:
It’s getting clearer. To get into that state, he must have been in crisis, emotionally unstable. And yet he
gave reasons for it, he seemed like he had thought about it, mulled his decision… But Boeuf, Boeuf, was
he crazy, too?...and the others...the others?

DUDARD:
There's still the epidemic theory. It's like the flu. We’ve seen epidemics before.

BÉRENGER:
Not like this.

DUDARD:
You can’t pretend that Boeuf and the others did what they did, or became what they became, specifically
to upset you.

BÉRENGER:
That's true, what you’re saying makes sense, it’s a reassuring idea...or maybe, on the contrary, that makes it
worse?
Rhinoceroses are heard, galloping under the up-stage window.

There, do you hear that?

He goes to the window.

DUDARD:
Leave them alone!
BERENGER closes the window again. He goes to pour a drink
What are they doing to you? You're obsessed with them! This is not good for you. You're wearing
yourself out. You've had one shock, I understand. Don’t look for more. Right now just try to get better.
In any case it's not fatal. Some illnesses are good for you. We can recover from this if we want to. They
will, too.

BÉRENGER:
But if we really don’t want, right, if we really don’t want to catch this disease, this insanity, we don’t catch
it, we don’t catch it!

BERENGER empties his glass, continues to hold it, together with the bottle, in his hands; he coughs.

How did that cough sound?

DUDARD: Like a cough.

BÉRENGER:
There wasn't anything odd about it, was there? It was a real human cough?

DUDARD:
What are you looking for? It was an ordinary human cough. What else could it have been?

BÉRENGER:
I don't know ...Perhaps an animal cough ...Do rhinoceroses cough?

DUDARD:
Look, you're being ridiculous, you’re creating problems for yourself, you’re asking preposterous
questions...Let me remind you that you proposed that that the best way to defend yourself against this
thing was will-power?

BÉRENGER:
Yes. Of course.

DUDARD:
Well then, prove that you have some.

BÉRENGER:
I can assure you I do…

DUDARD:
Prove it to yourself, here, don't drink any more.

BERENGER:
That has nothing to do with what's happening now.

DUDARD:
You never know

BÉRENGER:
Do you really believe that?
He goes to the mirror and examines himself.
I wonder ...
He touches his face, pats his bandaged forehead.
Nothing's changed; that’s proof that it’s good for me ...or at least that it's harmless.

DUDARD
I was joking. You see the dark side of everything. When you’re over your shock and go out and get some
fresh air, you'll feel better. All these morbid ideas will disappear.

BÉRENGER:
Go out? I would do me good… but I'm dreading that moment. I'll definitely see them...

DUDARD:
So? All you have to do is stay out of their way. Anyway, there aren’t that many of them.

BÉRENGER:
They’re all I see.

DUDARD:
They’re not a threat to you. If you leave them alone, they’ll ignore you.
Deep down, they’re not evil. They even have a kind of natural goodness:, at least they’re honest. Besides I
walked here today. I’m safe.

BÉRENGER:
Just the sight of them bothers me. It's scary. I don't get angry—no, I can’t get angry, you never know
where anger is going to lead—but it does something to me, it hurts my heart.

DUDARD:
To some extent, you’re right to be affected. But you’re too affected. You take things too seriously, that’s
your problem, you take things too seriously. You have to take things as they come, be detatched.

BÉRENGER:
I’m responsible for how I respond to things around me. I’m involved, I can't stay neutral.

DUDARD:
Don’t pass judgment on others if you don’t want to be judged. What’s more, if you worry about everything
that’s happening around you you'll never be able to go on living.

BÉRENGER:
If this had happened somewhere else, in another country, and we found out about it from the news, we
could talk about it calmly, study the question from many sides and objectively come to conclusions.
We could have scholarly debates; we could bring in writers, lawyers, philosophers and artists to talk about
their points of view. It would be interesting, compelling, instructive.

But when you find yourself involved, when you’re confronted the brutal reality of the truth you can't not
be personally affected—you’re too violently shaken to be detached. Me, I'm disturbed, I’m disturbed, I’m
disturbed. I can't get past it.

DUDARD:
I'm bothered too, like you. Or I was. I'm already starting to get used to it.

BÉRENGER:
Congratulations, your emotions are better calibrated than mine. Don't you think it's horrible that—

DUDARD:
I’m definitely not saying it's a good thing. And don't think that I'm taking the rhinoceroses' side, but...
 More sounds of rhinoceroses passing, this time under the downstage window-frame.

BÉRENGER:
They’re here again! They’re here again! It's no use, I can't get used to it. I’m so obsessed with them I can't
sleep at night. If I sleep, it's worse. I dream about them at night, I have nightmares.

DUDARD:
That's what happens when you take things too seriously. Come to terms with this thing and just get over it.
This is how things are, this is how it’s going to be.

BÉRENGER:
That's fatalism.

DUDARD:
It's realism. When something like this happens there's bound to be a reason for it. We have to accept it
and think about why.

BÉRENGER:
Well, I don't want to accept it.

DUDARD:
What can you do? What are you planning?

BÉRENGER:
I don’t know. I’ll think it over. I’ll send letters to the papers, I'll write a manifesto; I’ll ask to see the mayor-
-or his assistant, if the mayor's too busy.

DUDARD:
Leave the authorities alone. Who are you to meddle in this? In any case, I still think it's not a problem. It’s
absurd to get all worked up over a few people who wanted to change their skin. They just didn't feel right
in the ones they had. It seems to me that they’re finally free.

BÉRENGER:
You have to attack the evil at its roots.

DUDARD:
Evil! Evil! That's just a word! Who’s to say what’s evil or what’s good? It's just a question of which side
you’re on.

BÉRENGER:
There! There! If people think like you, they'll never take any action.

DUDARD
You're so naive. I’m not saying that to be mean. It’s for your own good, You have to calm down—it’s not
the end of the world.

BÉRENGER:
I don’t doubt it—sorry. I’m too nervous. I'll get myself together. I'm sorry for keeping you, making you
listen to my ranting. You must have work to do.
DUDARD:
Don't worry about that. The office hasn’t reopened yet. We don’t have a boss anymore. Mr. Papillon's
resigned.

BERENGER:
Not possible!

DUDARD:
It's true, I’m telling you.

BÉRENGER:
Why?

DUDARD:
He's retiring to the country.

BÉRENGER:
Retiring?

DUDARD:
He's gave it all up. Said he needed rest.

BÉRENGER:
He’s not old enough.

DUDARD:
To be honest...it's funny, he turned into a rhinoceros.
Distant rhinoceros noises.

BÉRENGER:
Rhinoceros! Mr. Papillon turned into a rhinoceros! I can't believe it! I don't find this funny at all! Why
didn't you tell me before?

DUDARD:
See, you have no sense of humor. I didn't want to tell you ...I didn't want to tell you because, knowing you,
I knew you wouldn't find it funny, and that you’d be upset. Sensitive as you are…

BÉRENGER:
Now this…this…this...Mr. Papillon! And he had everything going for him.

DUDARD:
That proves the sincerity of his change/metamorphosis.

BÉRENGER:
He couldn't have done it on purpose. I'm certain it must have been involuntary.

DUDARD:
That could happen to anybody!
BÉRENGER:
To anybody? Oh no, Not to you, right? Not to me.

DUDARD:
I hope not.

BÉRENGER:
Because we don’t want…Am I right…am I right…tell me, am I right am I right?

DUDARD:
Of course, of course...

BÉRENGER:
I still would have thought Mr. Papillon would have had the strength to resist.

DUDARD:
It’s obviously not only about strength.

BÉRENGER:
what does Botard think?

DUDARD:
Oh poor old Botard was outraged. I've rarely seen anyone more angry.

BÉRENGER:
Well for once I don’t blame him. After all, he's a good man. A sensible man. And I misjudged him.

DUDARD:
He misjudged you, too.

BERENGER:
This time for the opposite reasons.

DUDARD:
Botard was, as always, too passionate, therefore simplistic. His position seems to me entirely dictated by
the hatred of his superiors—an inferiority complex, resentment.

BÉRENGER:
Fine, but this time I'm in total agreement with him, if you’ll excuse me. He's a brave man.

DUDARD:
I don't deny it, but it’s irrelevant.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, a brave man! Brave men are hard to find. I'm proud to say I stand completely behind him. When I
see him, I’ll honor him. I condemn Mr. Papillon. He should have resisted.

DUDARD:
How intolerant!
BERENGER:
You’re the one who’s too intolerant, too permissive.

DUDARD: My dear friend, we have to try to understand. We have to do this because we’re rational
beings. I haven't succeeded, yet. In any case we have to be, at the start favorably disposed, or if not, at least
impartial; an open mind that is essential to the scientific method. Logic is everything. Understanding.

BÉRENGER:
Soon you’ll be a rhinoceros sympathizer.

DUDARD:
Absolutely not, absolutely not. I won’t go that far. I’m just someone who tries to look at facts objectively,
unemotionally. I want to be realistic. I also believe that there is no real evil in nature. Shame on people
who see evil everywhere. They’re on a witch-hunt.

BÉRENGER:
You think this is natural?

DUDARD:
What could be more natural than a rhinoceros?

BÉRENGER:
Yes, but a man who turns into a rhinoceros, this is not normal. Undeniably.

DUDARD:
Oh. Undeniably! You know…

BÉRENGER:
Yes, undeniably abnormal, absolutely abnormal.

DUDARD:
You seem very sure of yourself. Can you say where normal stops and abnormal begins? Do you get to
define these ideas, normality, abnormality? Philosophically, medically, no one has solved this problem. You
should know that.

BÉRENGER:
Maybe we can’t parse this problem philosophically. But, practically, it’s easy. If someone makes the
argument that movement doesn’t exist, you walk, you walk, you walk…and you walk. Or you say to
yourself, like Galileo, “And yet it moves.”

DUDARD:
You're mixing everything up in your mind! Don't confuse the issue. On the contrary, in Galileo's case it
was theoretical and scientific thought that was superior to unsophisticated reasoning and religious dogma.

BÉRENGER:
What are you talking about? “Unsophisticated reasoning,” “religious dogma” words, words, words. I may
be mixing everything up in my mind but you're losing yours. You don't know what's normal and what isn't
normal any more...and I don't give a damn about Galileo.

DUDARD:
It’s you that cited him and brought up the whole issue, trying to prove that evidence always had the last
word. Maybe it does, but only when it proceeds from theory! The history of thought and science proves
that.

BÉRENGER:
It doesn't prove that at all! It's gibberish, it’s madness!

DUDARD:
Again, we need to know what we mean by “madness.”

BÉRENGER:
Madness, it’s madness…aghhh. Everyone knows what madness is. And the rhinoceroses, are they theory
or evidence?

DUDARD:
Both!

BÉRENGER:
What do you mean--both?

DUDARD:
Both or neither. That’s the question.

BÉRENGER:
Well in that case ...I refuse to think about it!

DUDARD:
You’re getting worked up. We don’t exactly agree and we must discuss it civilly. We have to communicate.

BÉRENGER:
You think I'm getting worked up—that I’m Jean? Oh no, I don't want to become like Jean. No I don’t
want to be like him.
I’m not educated in philosophy.
Louder rhinoceros noises passing first under the up-stage window and then the downstage.
But I think that you’re the one who’s wrong ...It’s instinctive, or actually, no, it's the rhinoceros that has
instinct, it’s untuitive, that's the word, intuitive.

DUDARD:
What do you mean by “intuitive”

BÉRENGER:
Intutive means ... like that! I feel it, like that, your ‘objectivity’, and your indulgence of both sides...is really
weakness ... bias…

DUDARD:
That’s what you claim, naively.

BÉRENGER:
You’ll always be able to toy with me rhetorically. But, I'm going to try to find the Philosopher...
DUDARD:
What philosopher?

BÉRENGER:
The Philosopher, the Logician, a philosopher, you know ...you know better than I do what a philosopher
is. A philosopher I met, who explained...
Increasing noises from the rhinoceroses. The words of the two men are drowned by the
animals passing under the windows; for a few moments the lips of DUDARD and
BERENGER are seen to move without any words being heard.

Again! This is never going to stop!

Enough! Enough! Bastards!

The rhinoceroses move away. BERENGER shakes his fist after them.

DUDARD:
Leave them alone. And be more polite.

BÉRENGER:
There they go again!
A boater pierced by a rhinoceros horn emerges from the orchestra pit under the window
and passes swiftly from left to right.

A hat impaled on a rhinoceros horn. Oh, it's the Philosopher’s hat! The Philospher’s hat! Shit! Shit! Shit!
The Philosopher turned into a rhinoceros!

DUDARD:
Where is he?

BÉRENGER:
That one there.

DUDARD:
He's the only rhinoceros in a hat! That makes you think. Is it really your philosopher?

BÉRENGER:
The Philosopher ...a rhinoceros!!!

DUDARD:
At least he still has a bit of his individuality.

BÉRENGER:
I will not follow you. I will not follow you!

DUDARD:
If he was a real intellectual, as you say, he wouldn't have gotten carried away. He must have weighed the
pros and cons before deciding.
BÉRENGER:
I'll will not follow you!
BERENGER closes the downstage window; goes to the up-stage window where other
rhinoceroses are passing, presumably making a tour of the house.

No, I will not follow you!

DUDARD: (aside)
They're going around the building. They're playing! Giant children!
DAISY knocks on BERENGER 'S door. She is carrying a basket.

There’s knocking. Berenger, someone’s here!

BÉRENGER:
Open it, if you want.

DAISY: (entering)
Hello, Dudard.

DUDARD:
Oh it’s you. Hello Daisy.

DAISY:
Is Berenger here, is he feeling better?

DUDARD:
Hello, my dear. Do you come here often? You really are a good friend, Daisy.

DAISY:
Of course, I’m a good friend.

DUDARD:
You have a good heart.

DAISY:
I'm just a friend, that's all.

BÉRENGER:
Oh! Dear Daisy! It’s so nice of you to come, you’re too kind.

DUDARD:
You certainly are.

BÉRENGER:
Did you hear, Daisy, that the philosopher turned into a rhinoceros?

DAISY:
Yes, I did. I just saw him in the street as I arrived. He was running very fast for someone his age! Are you
feeling any better, Mr. Berenger?

BÉRENGER:
My head..my head still, a headache It’s terrifying? What do you think?

DAISY:
I think you should rest ...Stay home and rest quietly for a few more days.

DUDARD:
I hope I'm not disturbing you!

BÉRENGER:
I meant about the philosopher...

DAISY
Why would you be disturbing us? Oh, philosopher? I don't think anything at all.

DUDARD:
Maybe I should leave you two alone?

DAISY:
What am I supposed to think? I have news: Botard's a rhinoceros!

DUDARD:
There!

BÉRENGER:
It’s impossible. He was against it. You must be mistaken. He protested. Dudard just told me. Isn't that
true, Dudard?

DUDARD:
That’s true.

DAISY:
I know he was against it. But, he turned into a rhinoceros all the same, twenty-four hours after Mr.
Papillon.

DUDARD:
There! He changed his mind! Everybody has the right evolve.

BERENGER:
But, but anything could happen!

DUDARD:
He was a very good man. You were just telling me that.

BÉRENGER:
It’s hard to believe. Someone lied to you.
DAISY:
I saw him do it.

BÉRENGER:
Then he was lying; he was pretending.

DAISY:
He seemed sincere; sincerity itself.

BÉRENGER:
Did he give a reason?

DAISY:
He said textuellement we have to follow the times! Those were his last human words.

DUDARD:
I was almost certain I'd meet you here, Daisy.

BERENGER:
...Move with the times! What an idea! (gesture)

DUDARD:
It’s impossible to find you anywhere, since the office closed.

BÉRENGER:
How stupid! (same gesture)

DAISY:
If you wanted to see me, you only had to telephone.

DUDARD:
Oh, I wouldn’t want to be forward, not me.

BÉRENGER:
Thinking about it, Botard's behaviour doesn't surprise me. His firmness was only an act. Being a good man
didn’t stop him. Good men make good rhinoceroses. Alas! It's because they are so good that they get
taken in.

DAISY:
Do you mind if I put this basket on the table?

BÉRENGER:
But he was a good man who had a lot of anger…

DUDARD:
Excuse me, excuse us, we should have given you a hand before.

BÉRENGER:
...He was deformed with hatred for his superiors, an inferiority complex...
DUDARD:
Your reasoning is flawed, because he followed his boss, the cause of his own exploitation, as he used to
say. It seems to me that the spirit of community prevailed over his anarchist impulses.

BÉRENGER:
It's the rhinoceroses that are anarchists, because they're in the minority.

DUDARD:
They are, for the moment.

DAISY:
It’s an already large minority, and getting bigger. My cousin turned into a rhinoceros, and his wife. Not to
mention the Cardinal...

DUDARD: A priest!

DAISY: Mazarin.

DUDARD: We’re going to see this spread to other countries.

BÉRENGER:
And this evil comes from us!

DAISY:
And others, too. Lots of others. Maybe a quarter of the population.

BÉRENGER:
We're still the majority. We have to take advantage of that. We must do something before we're
overwhelmed.

DUDARD:
They're very effective, very effective

DAISY:
Well for the moment, we should. I brought something to eat.

BÉRENGER:
You're very kind, Daisy.

DUDARD: (aside)
Yes, very kind..

BÉRENGER:
I don't know how to thank you.

DAISY:
Do you want to join us?

DUDARD:
I don't want to intrude.
DAISY:
What are you talking about, Mr. Dudard? You know very well that we would love to have you.

DUDARD: You know I wouldn’t want to bother you...

BÉRENGER:
But of course, Dudard, of course. Your presence is always a pleasure.

DUDARD:
Actually, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I have an appointment.

BÉRENGER:
You just said you had nothing to do.

DAISY: (unpacking her basket)

You know, I had a lot of trouble finding food. The supermarkets are empty; they eat everything. A lot of
the smaller stores are closed “Due to Transformation” say the signs.

BÉRENGER:
We should round them up somewhere, and kept them under armed guard.

DUNDARD:
That doesn’t seem very practical to me. The ASPCA and PETA will be the first to object.

DAISY:
And besides each of us has, among the rhinoceroses, a close relative, a friend, and that complicated things.

BÉRENGER:
Everyone’s involved, then!

DUDARD:
We’re all in this together.

BÉRENGER:
But how could we be rhinoceroses? It’s unthinkable, unthinkable! Do you want me to help set the table?

DAISY:
Don’t worry about it. I know where everything is.

DUDARD: (aside)
Oh...She knows her way around this place well…

DAISY:
3 right? You’re joining us?

BÉRENGER:
Stay, please.

DAISY:
You get used to it, you know. Nobody is surprised any more by rhinoceros running full speed through the
streets. They get out of the way and then keep strolling along, running errands like nothing was going on.

DUDARD:
That’s the wisest thing to do.

BÉRENGER:
No. I can’t do it.

DUDARD: (reflectively)
I’m wondering if it’s something worth trying.

DAISY:
For now, let's eat.

BÉRENGER:
How can you, a lawyer act like…

A great noise of rhinoceroses travelling very fast is heard outside. Trumpets and drums are also heard.

What is it?

They rush to the window.

What is it?

The sound of a wall crumbling is heard. Dust covers part of the stage, enveloping, if possible, the characters. They are heard
speaking through it.

BÉRENGER:
I can't see anything! What's happening?

DUDARD:
I can't see, but I can hear.

BÉRENGER:
That's not enough!

DAISY:
This dust is going to get all over the plates.

BÉRENGER:
That’s unsanitary!

DAISY:
Let's eat fast. Don’t think about them anymore.

The dust disperses.

BÉRENGER:(pointing out)
They destroyed the Fire Station.

DUDARD:
Indeed, it’s destroyed.

DAISY: (joins the other two)

They're going.

BÉRENGER:
All of the firemen, a whole regiment of rhinoceros.

DAISY:
They're pouring up the streets!

BÉRENGER:
We can’t go on like this, we can’t go on like this!

DAISY:
More rhinoceroses.

BÉRENGER:
They’re coming out of every door...

DUDARD:
And windows!

DAISY:
They're joining the others.

A man comes out and dashes downstairs at top speed; then another with a large horn on his nose; then a woman wearing an
entire rhinoceros head.

DUDARD:
There aren't enough of us left.

BÉRENGER:
How many are one-horned, how many two-horned?

DUDARD:
I’m sure there are people calculating the numbers now. This brings up so many interesting discussions.

BÉRENGER:
They should just approximate. It’s happening too fast. There’s not enough time. There’s not enough
time to get an exact number

DAISY:
The best thing is to let them do their job. Come on, Berenger let’s eat. That'll calm you down. You'll feel
better. (To DUDARD) You, too.
They move away from the window. DAISY takes BERENGER 'S arm; he allows himself to be led docilely. DUDARD
suddenly halts.

DUDARD:
I’m not very hungry, actually, I don't like pre-packaged food very much. I kind of want to go outside and
graze.

BÉRENGER:
Don’t do that. Do you know what you’re risking?

DUDARD:
I don’t want to bother you, really.

BÉRENGER:
And we’re telling you—

DUDARD:
C’est sans façon.

DAISY:
If you really want to leave, listen, we can’t force you…

DUDARD:
It’s not to make you feel bad.

BERENGER:
Don't let him leave, don’t let him leave.

DAISY:
I'd like him to stay…but it’s a free country.

BÉRENGER:
Man is superior to the rhinoceros.

DUDARD:
I’m not saying otherwise. But I'm not with you either. I don't know; experience will tell me.

BÉRENGER:
You, you’re weak. It's a passing phase that you’re going to regret.

DAISY:
If it's just a passing phase then there's not much danger.

DUDARD:
I have a duty. My sense of honor tells me to follow my boss and my comrades, for better and for worse.

BÉRENGER:
You’re not married to them.

DUDARD:
I've renounced marriage. I prefer the great universal family over the petty little one.

DAISY:
We’re going to miss you a lot, Dudard, but what can we do?

DUDARD:
My duty is not to leave them. I’m listening to my heart.

BÉRENGER:
No, your duty is ...you don't know your real duty...your duty is to stand opposed to them, firmly, with a
clear head.

DUDARD:
I’m still rational. (He starts to pace.)
Totally rational. If there’s anything to criticize, it’s better to criticize from within it than from without. I
won’t abandon them. I won't abandon them.

DAISY:
He's loyal.

BÉRENGER:
He's too loyal…You're too loyal, you're human…Don't let him go. He's wrong. He's human.

DAISY:
What can I do?

DUDARD runs off, followed by BERENGER who shouts after him from the landing.

BÉRENGER:
Come back, Dudard! We're your friends, don't go! It's too late!
(He comes back.)
Too late!

DAISY:
There was nothing we could do.

BÉRENGER:
He joined with them. Where is he?

DAISY:
With them.

BÉRENGER:
Which one is he?

DAISY:
You can't tell anymore. You already can't recognize him.

BÉRENGER:(aside)
They’re all the same, all the same. (to DAISY) He hesitated. You should have held him back.
DAISY:
I didn't dare.

BÉRENGER:
You should have been more firm, you should have insisted; he was in love with you, wasn't he?

DAISY:
He never said it out loud.

BÉRENGER:
Everyone knew it. He did this because of unrequited love. He was shy. He wanted to make a big gesture to
impress you. Aren’t you tempted to follow him?

DAISY:
Not at all. Since I’m here.

BÉRENGER:
There’s nothing but them anymore. There’s nothing but them in the streets! You were wrong, Daisy. Not
a single person in sight. They have the street. Half one-horned and half two-horned, no other difference
between them!

Powerful noises of moving rhinoceroses are heard, but somehow it is a musical sound. On the up-stage wall stylized heads
appear and disappear; they become more and more numerous from now on until the end of the play. Towards the end they stay
fixed for longer and longer, until eventually they fill the entire back wall, remaining static. The heads, in spite of their
monstrous appearance, seem to become more and more beautiful.

You’re not upset, Daisy, right? There's nothing you regret?

DAISY:
No, no.

BÉRENGER:
I want to be able to comfort you. I love you, Daisy; don't leave me.

DAISY:
Shut the window, darling. They're making too much noise. And the dust is coming up here. It’s getting
everything dirty.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, yes. You're right. As long as we’re together, I’m not afraid of anything. It doesn’t matter. Oh, Daisy,
I thought I would never be able to fall in love.

DAISY:
You see, anything is possible.

BÉRENGER:
I want so much to make you happy. Could you be happy with me?

DAISY:
Why not? If you're happy, then I'm be happy. You say nothing scares you, and you're frightened of
everything. What’s going to happen to us?

BÉRENGER: (stammering)
My love, my joy, my joy, my love! ...Kiss me. I didn’t think I would feel such passion again!

DAISY: Calm down. Be confident.

BÉRENGER:
I am; Kiss me.

DAISY:
I'm so tired, dear. Calm down, relax. Sit down.

BÉRENGER:
There was no reason Dudard to fight with Botard, after all.

DAISY:
Don't think about Dudard any more. I'm here with you. We shouldn’t interfere in other people's lives.

BÉRENGER:
But you're interfering in mine.

DAISY:
It’s not the same thing; I never loved Dudard.

BÉRENGER:
I understand. If he'd stayed he would always have been an obstacle. Happiness is so selfish.

DAISY:
You have to defend you happiness, don't you agree?

BÉRENGER:
I love you, Daisy; I admire you.

DAISY:
When you know me better, maybe you won’t say that about me anymore

BÉRENGER:
You get better by being known and you're so beautiful, you’re so beautiful.

More rhinoceroses are heard passing.

Especially compared to them...

You’re going to say that’s not a compliment, but they bring our your beauty even more.

DAISY:
Have you been good today? You haven't had any cognac?

BÉRENGER:
Oh yes, I've been good.

DAISY:
Is that the truth?

BÉRENGER:
Yes, it's the truth I promise.

DAISY:
Should I believe you?

BÉRENGER:
Yes, yes. Believe me. yes

DAISY:
All right, you can have a small one. It'll make you feel better.

BERENGER is about to leap up.

You stay where you are, dear. Where's the bottle?

BÉRENGER:
There, on the little table.

DAISY:
You've hidden it well.

BÉRENGER:
So I don’t get tempted.

DAISY:
You've been very good. You're making progress.

BÉRENGER:
With you, I’ll make even more progress.

DAISY:
Here. That's your reward.

BÉRENGER:(downing it at one go)

Thank you.

He holds his glass out.

DAISY:
Oh no, dear. That's enough for this morning. I don't want it to make you ill. How's your head feel now?

BÉRENGER:
Much better, darling.
DAISY:
Then we'll take off the bandage. It doesn't suit you at all.

BÉRENGER:
Oh no, don't touch it.

DAISY:
Nonsense, we'll take it off now.

BÉRENGER:
I'm afraid there’s something under it.

DAISY: (removing the bandage)

Always your fears, your dark little thoughts See, there’s nothing there. Your forehead's smooth.

BÉRENGER:
It’s true; you take away all my fear.

DAISY kisses him on the brow.

What would I be without you?

DAISY:
I'll never leave you alone again.

BÉRENGER:
With you, I won’t have any more worries.

DAISY:
I'll take them away

BÉRENGER:
We'll read together. I'll become sophisticated

DAISY:
And when times are tight, we’ll go on long walks.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, along the Seine, and in the Luxembourg Gardens...

DAISY:
And to the Zoo.

BÉRENGER:
I'll be strong and brave. I'll keep you safe.

DAISY:
You won't have to defend me! We don't wish anyone harm. And no one wishes us harm, dear.

BÉRENGER:
Sometimes you can harm someone without meaning to, or you just let it spread. You didn't like poor old
Mr. Papillon either. But maybe you shouldn't have told him so cruelly that he had rough hands that day
when Boeuf turned into a rhinoceros.

DAISY:
But it was true--he did!

BÉRENGER:
Of course, dear. But you should have said so less bluntly and with more care. It had a big effect on him.

DAISY:
Do you think so?

BÉRENGER:
He didn't show it, since he was too proud. I know he was deeply hurt deeply. This must have influenced
his decision. Maybe you could have saved a soul.

DAISY:
I couldn't possibly foresee what was going to happen to him ...besides he was so rude.

BÉRENGER:
For my own part, I’ll never forgive myself for not showing more compassion to Jean. I could never prove
to him how important our friendship was to me. And I never gave him the benefit of the doubt.

DAISY:
Don't worry about it. After all, you did your best. You can’t do the impossible. What’s the point of regret?
. So don’t think about those people anymore. Forget them. Leave bad memories in the past.

BÉRENGER:
I hear them. I see them. They’re real.

DAISY:
I didn’t think of you as so literal, I though of you as poetic. Don’t you have an imagination? There’s more
than one reality. Choose the one that fits. Escape into imagination.

BÉRENGER:
Easy to say!

DAISY:
Do I not satisfy you?

BÉRENGER:
Oh yes, totally, totally!

DAISY:
You’re going to ruin everything with your crisis of conscience. We all have faults. Maybe you and I have
fewer than others.

BÉRENGER:
Do you really think so?
DAISY:
We’re better compared to most people. We’re both good people.

BÉRENGER:
That's true, you're good and I'm good. That's true.

DAISY:
Then we have the right to live. We also have a duty to ourselves to be happy in spite of everything. Guilt is
dangerous. It shows a lack of purity.

BÉRENGER:
You're right, it can lead to that ...a lot of them started like that!

DAISY:
Let’s try not to feel guilty any more.

BÉRENGER:
You’re so right, my goddess, my joy, my sun...I’m with you. No one can separate us. There’s our love, and
there’s nothing else that’s true. Nobody has the right to and no one can stop us from being happy.

The telephone rings.

Who could that be?

DAISY:
Don't answer.

BÉRENGER:
Why not?

DAISY:
I don't know. Maybe it would be better if we didn’t.

BÉRENGER:
It might be Mr. Papillon, or Botard, or Jean or Dudard who want to tell us they changed their mind. You
did say it was probably only a passing phase.

DAISY:
I don't think so. They wouldn't have been able to change their minds so fast. They didn’t have the time to
think about it. They’ll go through this experience to the end..

BÉRENGER:
Maybe it’s the police responding and asking us to help them.

DAISY:
I'd be surprised.

The telephone rings again.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, yes. It’s the police’s ring I know it. One long ring. I have to answer the call. It can't be anyone else.

He picks up the receiver.

Hello?

Trumpetings are heard coming from the receiver.

You hear that? Grunting! Listen!

DAISY puts the telephone to her ear and quickly replaces the receiver.

DAISY:
What's going on?

BÉRENGER:
They're playing jokes now.

DAISY:
Bad jokes.

BÉRENGER:
See, I told you!

DAISY:
You didn't tell me anything.

BÉRENGER:
I was waiting for that. I knew it.

DAISY:
You didn't know anything at all. You never do. You only know things after they happen.

BÉRENGER:
Oh yes, I know, I know.

DAISY:
They’re not nice. It’s mean. I don't like being made fun of.

BÉRENGER:
They wouldn't dare make fun of you. It's me they're making fun of.

DAISY:
And since I’m with you, of course I have to suffer. They're getting revenge. But did we do to them?

The telephone rings again.

Unplug it.
BÉRENGER:
I shouldn’t

DAISY:
You’re such a coward--and you want to defend me!

DAISY unplugs the phone

BERENGER:
Let's turn on the news.

DAISY:
Yes, we have to find out what’s going on!

The sound of trumpeting comes from the radio. BERENGER switches it off. But in the distance other trumpetings, like
echoes, can be heard.

It’s getting really serious! I don't like this. I can’t take it.

BÉRENGER:
Calm down, calm down!

DAISY:
They've taken over the radio stations.

BÉRENGER:
Calm down, calm down!

DAISY runs to the window.

DAISY:
It's not a joke any more. They’re serious.

BÉRENGER:
There's no one left but them, there’s no one left but them. The police are on their side.

Même jeu que tout à l’heure de Daisy et Bérenger vers les deux fenêtres, puis
les deux personnages se rejoignent de nouveau au milieu du plateau.

DAISY:
No one’s left at all.

BÉRENGER:
We're alone, we're all alone.

DAISY:
It’s exactly what you wanted.

BERENGER:
It’s what you wanted!
DAISY:
It was you!

BÉRENGER:
You!

Noises come from everywhere at once. Rhinoceros heads fill the upstage wall. From left and right in the house, the noise of
rushing feet and the panting breath of the animals. Plaster falls from the ceiling. The house shakes violently.

DAISY:
The groud’s shaking!

BÉRENGER:
No, that's our neighbours, the Perissodactyles! Stop! We’re trying to work! You’re too loud! Too loud!

DAISY:
They won’t listen to you

The noise diminishes.

BÉRENGER:
Don't be afraid, dear. We're together, aren’t you happy with me? Aren’t I enough for you? I'll take away all
your fears.

DAISY:
It might be our fault.

BÉRENGER:
Don't think about it anymore. We can’t have regrets. Guilt is dangerous. Let’s live our lives, be happy. We
have a duty to be happy. They're not mean, we're not doing them harm. They'll leave us in peace. Calm
down. Rest. Sit down.
Calm down! Do you want some cognac to calm you down?

DAISY:
I have a headache.

BÉRENGER:(taking up his bandage and binding DAISY'S head)

I love you, my love. Don't worry, they'll get over it. It's just a passing phase.

DAISY:
They won't get over it. It's permanent.

BÉRENGER:
I love you. I’m madly in love with you.

DAISY: (taking off the bandage)

Whatever happens happens. What can we do?

BÉRENGER:
They've gone crazy. The world is sick. They're all sick.

DAISY:
It’s not up to us to cure them.

BÉRENGER:
How can we live next to them?

DAISY: (calming down)

We have to be reasonable. We have to find a way forward. We have to try and get along with them.

BÉRENGER:
They can't understand us.

DAISY:
We have to do it anyway. There’s no other solution.

BÉRENGER:
Do you understand them?

DAISY:
Not yet. But we have to try to understand their point of view, learn their language.

BÉRENGER:
They don’t have a language! Listen... you call that a language?

DAISY:
How do you know? You're not an expert!

BÉRENGER:
We'll talk about it later. We have to eat first.

DAISY:
I'm not hungry any more. It's too much. I can't keep resisting it.

BÉRENGER:
But you're stronger than I am. You're not going to let yourself be changed. It's for your courage that I love
you.

DAISY:
You already told me that.

BÉRENGER:
Do you believe in my love for you

DAISY:
Of course.

BÉRENGER:
I love you.
DAISY:
You’re repeating yourself, my dear.

BÉRENGER:
Listen, Daisy, we can do something. We'll have children, and our children will have children--it'll take time,
but between us we can restore humanity.

DAISY:
Restore humanity?

BÉRENGER:
It’s happened before.

DAISY:
Ages ago. Adam and Eve ...They were brave.

BÉRENGER:
We can be brave too. We don't need much. It will happen by itself, with time, with patience.

DAISY:
There’s no point.

BÉRENGER:
Yes, yes, a little courage. Just a tiny little bit.

DAISY:
I don't want to have children.

BÉRENGER:
How can we save the world, then?

DAISY:
Why save it?

BÉRENGER:
What a question! Do this for me, Daisy. Let’s save the world.

DAISY:
After all, maybe it's us who need saving. Maybe it’s us that aren’t normal.

BÉRENGER:
You're rambling, Daisy, you have a fever.

DAISY:
Do you see any more of us?

BÉRENGER:
Daisy, I don’t want to hear you talk like that!
DAISY looks all around at the rhinoceros heads on the walls, on the landing door, and now starting to appear along the
footlights.

DAISY:
That’s what people are. They look happy. They're happy in their skin. They don't seem crazy. They look
very natural. They were right.

BÉRENGER:
We're the ones who are right, Daisy, I promise you.

DAISY:
How presumptuous!

BÉRENGER:
You know I'm right.

DAISY:
There's no such thing as absolute right. It's the world that's right--not you, not me.

BÉRENGER:
I am right, Daisy. The proof is that you understand me.

DAISY:
That proves nothing.

BÉRENGER:
The proof is that I love you as much as a man can love a woman.

DAISY:
What an argument

BÉRENGER:
I don't understand you any more, Daisy. You don't know what you're saying, my dear. Love! Love! Listen,
love...

DAISY: I’m a little ashamed of what you call love--this morbid feeling, this male weakness. And
female, too. It can’t compare with the passion and the extraordinary energy of those around us.

BÉRENGER:
Energy! You want some energy? Here! Here’s energy!

He hits her.

DAISY:
Oh! I never would have thought...

BÉRENGER:
Oh forgive me, my darling, forgive me! Forgive me, my darling. I didn't mean it. I don't know what
happened, how could I lose control like that!
DAISY:
It's because you don’t have any more arguments; it’s simple.

BÉRENGER:
Oh dear! In a few minutes we've lived twenty-five years of marriage.

DAISY:
I pitied you, too. I understand you.

BÉRENGER:
You're probably right that I've run out of arguments. Maybe you think they're stronger than me, stronger
than us?

DAISY:
Definitely.

BÉRENGER:
Well, in spite of everything, I swear to you I won’t submit, I won’t submit!

DAISY:
My poor dear, I'll resist with you, up to the end.

BÉRENGER:
Can you do it?

DAISY:
I promise. Have confidence.

The rhinoceros noises have become melodious.

They're singing!

BÉRENGER:
They're not singing, they're roaring.

DAISY:
They're singing.

BÉRENGER:
They're roaring, I’m telling you.

DAISY:
You're crazy, they're singing.

BÉRENGER:
You don't have much of an ear, then.

DAISY:
You don't know anything about music, my dear friend, and look, they're playing, they’re dancing.
BÉRENGER:
You call that dancing?

DAISY:
It's their way of dancing. They're beautiful.

BÉRENGER:
They're brutes!

DAISY:
I don’t want you to talk like that about them. It upsets me.

BÉRENGER:
I'm sorry. We shouldn’t fight over them.

DAISY:
They're gods.

BÉRENGER:
Come on, Daisy; take a good look at them.

DAISY:
Don’t be jealous, my dear. I’m sorry, too.

She goes to BERENGER again and tries to embrace him. This time it is BERENGER who frees himself.

BÉRENGER:
Obviously, we’re on different sides of this. Maybe it would be better if we didn’t talk about it.

DAISY:
Look, don’t be petty.

BÉRENGER:
Don’t be stupid.

DAISY:
We can’t be together.

As BERENGER continues to examine himself in the mirror she goes quietly to the door.

He’s not nice, really, he’s not nice.

She goes out, and is seen slowly descending the stairs.

BERENGER: (looking at himself in the mirror)

Man isn’t so ugly. And I'm not one of the handsome ones! Believe me, Daisy!

(He turns round.)

Daisy! Daisy! Where are you, Daisy? You can't do this to me!
(He goes to the door.)
Daisy!

Daisy! Come back! Come back, my dear! You haven't eaten! Daisy, don't leave me alone! What did you
promise me?! Daisy! Daisy!

(Il renonce à l’appeler, fait un geste désespéré et rentre dans sa chambre.)

There it is. We weren’t getting along. A broken home. It wasn’t meant to be. But she shouldn't have left
me with no explanation.

She left me without a word. That's not right. I’m all alone now.

But they won't get me.

You won't get me!

I won’t follow you; I don't understand you! I’m going to stay who I am. I’m a human being. A human
being.

It's impossible. It's my fault she's gone. She was everything to me. What will happen her? Another person
I’ve failed. I imagine the worst, the worst is possible. Poor little thing alone in a world of monsters!
Nobody can help me find her, nobody, because there's nobody left.

(Fresh trumpetings, hectic racings, clouds of dust.

I can't listen to them. I'm going to put cotton wool in my ears.

The only solution is to convince them, convince them, of what? Are these mutations reversible? Are they
reversible? It would be a Herculean task, impossible for me. First, to convince them you have to talk to
them. To talk to them I have to learn their language. Or they have to learn mine. But what language do I
speak? What is my language? Is this English? Yes, it must be English. But what is English? I can call it
English if I want, and nobody can say otherwise, I'm the only one who speaks it.

What am I saying? Do I understand what I'm saying? Do I understand what I'm saying?

And what if it’s like Daisy said, if it’s them who’s right?

Man is not ugly. Man is not ugly

He rubs his face.

What a funny thing! What do I look like? What?

Pause

Photographs! Who are all these people? Papillon, more like Daisy? And this one, is it Botard or Dudard or
Jean? Or me maybe? Yes. I recognize myself: It’s me, it’s me!
(Il va raccrocher les tableaux sur le mur du fond, à côté des têtes des
rhinocéros.)

It’s me, It’s me!

(Lorsqu’il accroche les tableaux, on s’aperçoit que

ceux-ci représentent un vieillard, une grosse femme, un autre homme. La laideur de
ces portraits contraste avec les têtes des rhinocéros qui sont devenues très belles.
Bérenger s’écarte pour contempler les tableaux.)

I'm not beautiful, I'm not beautiful.

He throws the pictures to the ground, and goes over to the mirror.

It’s them that are beautiful. I was wrong! Oh, I wish I was like them! I don’t have a horn, Alas! A smooth
forehead is so ugly. I need a horn or two to give my sagging face a lift.

Maybe one will grow and I needn't be ashamed any more--then I could go and join them. But it’s not
growing

My hands are soft--oh, when will they get rough! I have slack skin. This white, hairy body. I wish I had
hard skin that wonderful dull green, beautifully naked, like theirs!

Their songs have charming, a little rough, but charming! If I could sound like them! Ahh, Ahh, Brr!

No, that's not it! Try again, louder! Ahh, Ahh, Brr!

No, that's not it, How weak, no passion under it. I can’t roar, I'm just yeling. Ahh, Ahh, Brr.

Yelling isn’t roaring. I’s my fault; I should have followed them when there was still time. Too late now! I'm
a monster, I’m a monster. I'll never become a rhinoceros, never, never!
I can’t change anymore. I want to, I want to so much, but I can't. I can't stand look at myself. I'm
ashamed!

God, I’m ugly! Shame on me for trying to protect my individuality!

He suddenly snaps out of it.

Oh well, too bad! I'll defend myself against all of them! My gun, my gun! Against all of them, I’ll defend
myself! I'm the last man, I’ll stay a man until the end. I will not capitulate!

CURTAIN