SEQUENCE OF EVENTS:

1700       Cocktail Hour

1745       15-Minute Warning (Dinner Chimes)
1755       Call to Dinner (Officers’ Call)
1800       Arrival of the Head Table
1805       Grace / Welcome remarks / Posting the colors
1810       Presentation of the Grog
1815       Parading of the Beef
1820       Dinner
TBD        Ease Springs
2000       Guest Speaker Remarks (Dessert & Coffee)
2030       Wardroom Skits / Limericks / Ditties / Informal
Toasting
2100       Passing of the Port
2115       Formal Toasting
2130       Mess Adjourned & Social Hour
0100       Event closes

THE GUIDELINES
1. Members of the mess should arrive within 5 minutes of
the opening of cocktail hour, and never after the Guest of
Honor.
2. All members of the mess should make every effort to
personally greet the President and introduce themselves
to the Honored Guest before dinner.
3. Do not over-indulge in alcohol.
4. Do not bring cocktails or smoking materials from
cocktail hour to the dinner table.
5. Do not forget to ask for permission to excuse yourself
(or your guest) from the Mess if the need presents itself.
6. Remember to keep your glass charged during all
toasts, both formal and informal.  It is considered poor
form and bad luck to toast with water, to refuse to
participate in toasts.
7. There should be no toasting during dinner.
8. Toasts and comments shall be kept within the limits of
good taste and mutual respect.  Women, politics, and
religion are not discussed in the  mess.  Degrading or
insulting remarks will be frowned upon by the
membership.
9. Applause or gaining attention from the mess will be
accomplished by rapping a spoon against the table.
10. One will fall into disrepute with their peers if the
pleats of their cummerbund are not properly faced.
11. One will also be painfully regarded if the clip-on bow
tie rides at an obvious list.
12. Avoid purposefully altering the uniform to present a
non-uniform appearance.
13. Tomfoolery, shenanigans, and hijinks are
encouraged.  Guests without jokes, limericks, and the
like will probably be fined.
14. Do not get caught for infractions or you may be fined.
Be prepared to answer punishments as given out by the
President, whether or not you plan on committing any
violations.
15. Spouses and personal guests of members of the
mess should not participate in any hijinks unless they too
are prepared to graciously accept the punishments given
by the President.
16. Witty rebuttals may alleviate or ameliorate your fines;
however, they may also exacerbate or exaggerate your
punishment.  Tread this road cautiously!
17. Do not hesitate to enthusiastically discharge your
punishment.  A good spirit and good spirits are the best
defense against a distasteful task.
18. Do not leave the party until the President and Guests
of Honor have departed.

VIOLATIONS OF THE MESS

For any violation of an item listed below you are
immediately sent to the grog as punishment. What’s the
grog you ask? Well don’t worry, we’re going to talk about
that here in just a minute.
1. Untimely arrival at proceedings.
2. Failure to present oneself to the President or
imbibing/smoking prior to
presenting oneself to the President.
3. Haggling over date of rank.
4. Loud and obtrusive remarks in a foreign language or in
English.
5. Improper toasting procedure.
6. Leaving the dining area without permission from the
President. Military
protocol overrides all calls of nature.
7. Carrying cocktails into the dining room.
8. Foul language.
9. Being caught with an uncharged glass.
10. Not rising to speak with the President (or Mr. Vice).
11. Rising to applaud particularly witty, succinct,
sarcastic or relevant
toasts, unless following the example of the President.
12. Commencing a course before the President (or the
senior woman at the head
table.)
13. Placing a bet or wager.
14. Telling an off-color or unrefined story.
15. Discussing issues of a controversial nature.
16. Opening the hangar doors (shop talk).
17. Failure to laugh at any joke rendered by an Honored
Guest or the
President.
18. Improper attire.
19. Failure to recognize an inverted cummerbund or
wearing a clip-on bowtie
at an obvious list.
20. Behaving in such a manner as to be mistaken for a
Marine, Sailor, Soldier
or Coastie.
21. Removing articles of clothing from oneself or others.
22. Maintaining too low a profile, regardless of its tactical
application.
23. Haggling over penalties assessed.
INFRACTIONS
Lindsay you beautiful lady!
Breaches of etiquette and violations of the mess may be
noted at any time by the President, Vice President, or
any member of the mess.
Members bring infractions to the attention of the
President by raising a point of order.
Infractions may warrant punishment as dictated by the
President. The President may delegate or share this
authority, allowing members to become subject to the
wrath of the Vice.  If the validity of the charge is
questioned, members may vote by rapping their spoons
on the table.
The President may require members to drink of the grog,
entertain the mess with a limerick or jokes, or both. 
Additionally, he may direct a member of the mess to
perform any other task as he sees fit, or any combination
thereof.
Members not prepared to answer for their infractions will
only earn further punishment.  Certain members of the
mess may be frequent violators, such as Mr. Vice.
It is also not uncommon for the President to be charged
with at least one violation.  If the President must leave his
position at the head table, he shall appoint another
individual to assume his position.
Any trip to the grog bowl shall be carried out as follows:
a. Arrive in front of the grog bowl at the position of attention.
b. Fill a glass with the grog, then about-face to face the
mess.
c. Toast the mess, and drink the grog.
d. About-face once more and put the glass back on the
table.
f. Promptly return to your seat.
g. Except for the words “To the Mess!” one is not allowed to
speak while carrying out this punishment.
HISTORY OF THE GROG
Grog was not invented to cure scurvy.  It later became
that, but not initially.  Grog came about as a result of
Admiral Vernon’s concern that the straight-up rum that
was initially issued to Royal Navy sailors was too strong
and he wanted it watered down.
“In an order issued at Port Royal in 1740, British Royal
Navy Admiral Vernon called for rum served to naval
crews to be ‘mixed with the proportion of a quart of water
to every half pint of rum,’ resulting in a concoction
that was one part rum to four parts water.  The new
concoction needed a name.  It was no longer rum, and it
no longer had the kick to be called ‘kill-devil’. An
ingenious solution presented itself to some anonymous
seaman.  Admiral Vernon had a fondness for wearing a
coat made of a material called ‘grogram’, a woven fabric
stiffened and weatherproofed with gum.
Vernon’s nickname among sailors was “Old Grogram,”
and so his new rum was dubbed “grog”.  The name
stuck.”
(From “And a Bottle of Rum” by Wayne Curtis)
The story of how rum came to be issued to sailors in the
first place is abit related to health at sea but it was mostly
a marketing success story.
The by-product of producing cane sugar on the
Caribbean plantations was molasses.  They had tons of it
and couldn’t figure out what to do with it. Someone
figured out that it could be distilled and rum was born.
The island plantations produced tons more rum that
could be consumed locally. A consortium of plantation
owners convinced the Royal Navy that rum was a health
drink and the royal Navy ordered straight rum to be
issued to all hands twice per day.  This did not cure
scurvy, but it sure made the Sailors happy.
A related fun fact:
George Washington’s estate, Mount Vernon, is named in
honor of Admiral Vernon.  Washington’s older half-
brother, Lawrence Washington, named it Mount Vernon
in honor of Vice Admiral Edward Vernon, famed for the
War of Jenkin’s Ear and capture of the lightly-defended
Portobelo, Colón. Vernon had been Lawrence’s
commanding officer in the British Royal Navy, and
when George Washington inherited the property he
retained the name.
Another related fun fact:
The Royal Navy had strict requirements for the potency
of the rum that they purchased.  Every batch was tested,
which basically required the rum to be ignited.  If the
liquid caught on fire, it was “proof” that the rum
was distilled to the right level.  Hence, alcohol % today is
measured in “proof”, such as “100 Proof”.
THE GROG OF TODAY
Today when you make grog it’s supposed to be a bunch
of liquors and things mixed together so its not the most
pleasant concoction. Nobody should love being sent to
the grog. With the amount of senior people at this
particular Dining Out, we had a pretty tasty grog that
everyone was drinking even when they weren’t in trouble!
ADDRESSING THE MESS
Members of the mess may raise a point of order to Mr.
Vice or the President as appropriate.  During dinner, no
one is permitted to bother the President while he is
eating.
1. The member will stand at the position of attention and
address the Vice President, “Mr. Vice, (Rank & Name)
requests permission to address the Mess.”
2. Mr. Vice will address the President: “Mr. President,
(Rank & Name) requests permission to address the
Mess.” (Note: Mr. Vice has the unconditional option to
deny or forward the request)
3. Should the President grant permission, the member
will address the Mess and state the charge.
4. If the nature of the address is to accuse a member of
an infraction, the President has the option of allowing
accused to respond to the accusation, consider charges
only, or dismiss the accused on and fine the accuser. 
An accused member may request that a “sea lawyer of
repute” respond to the accuser in his stead.
5. When addressing the Mess, do not break the position
of attention without permission.  This requires the
individual to request permission to “speak and move
about freely.”
6. Members denied permission to address the Mess must
wait a minimum of five minutes before again requesting
permission.
7. The Head Table is not required to request permission
and may address the Mess directly.
 TOASTING ETIQUETTE
1. Members of the mess and all guests will rise for the
formal toasts.
2. The President proposes the first and last toasts of the
evening.
3. It is neither necessary nor proper to drain the glass at
the completion of each toast. A mere touch of the glass
to the lips satisfies the ceremonial requirements. Glasses
shall always be charged, until the toast, “To the Navy,”
upon which the glasses should be entirely drained.
4. The port wine shall always be passed to the left and
shall not leave the table until all glasses at the table have
been charged.
5. The Arrangements Officer, in preparing the script for
the evening shall take into account the Honored Guests
who will be present.
6. Formal toasts will be printed in the program to
enlighten the guests.
7. Informal toasting may occur any time after the toast to
Missing Comrades. Members shall rise and address Mr.
Vice to present their desire or reasoning for the toast,
and end with the words of the toast.
8. Toasting to places or things is improper. Thus when
proposing a toast to a command, one must be careful to
speak of the command as an organization of people
rather than as a geographical location or facility. When
toasting individuals, it is proper to toast the individual’s
position, but not to toast them by name.