Copyright © 2020 Shahzad Malik.

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2 SHAHZAD MALIK

To my loving mother and father

3
4 SHAHZAD MALIK

Foreword

L ife is but a series of events. It is a collection of situations that occur,

the people we meet, the places we find ourselves in, the memories
we make, and the lessons we learn along the way. It’s really as simple as
that. Or, perhaps, as simple as we want it to be; as simple as we make it
for ourselves.

Life as we know it, with its unpredictable attitude and its occasional
chaotic nature, is not a battle to be won. Life is not against us. It flows
with us. Within us. It supports us and helps us. When it comes down to
it, life was never meant to be a series of complications. It was, and still
is, meant to be simple.

Yes. Life is simple.

Many of us, at some point or another on this journey, feel lost. We find
ourselves caught in self-doubt, face-to-face with uncomfortable ques-
tions such as, “What am I doing here? What am I doing with my life?
How am I going to get through this?”

I have not been immune to these feelings either. During my formative

years, I struggled at school. It was tough for me to discover what I was
passionate about, or to figure out why I could not (or did not want to)
focus on my schoolwork. I struggled with finding out what I was pas-
sionate about, which made it difficult for me to identify what my tal-
ents were and how I could hone them.

As a teenager, my quest to find answers to questions about who I am

and what I want from life became more pronounced so I started read-
ing and researching. I came across the Chicken Soup for the Soul series,
and ultimately learnt the vocabulary I needed to express how I felt.
 DARE TO BE YOU 5

Around the same time, I began to sit down with my father in the
evenings after he returned from work. We would talk about anything
and everything under the sun, stretching to all the unanswered ques-
tions swirling in my head–the same questions that contributed to the
uneasy feeling of being disoriented. Talking to him helped me start un-
tangling the knots in my mind. I began to look within and reflect on
my own life—my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I began drawing
lessons from his wisdom, and mapping them onto my own personal ex-
perience. This, in turn, played a key part in allowing me not only to find
a direction for myself, but also to make the most of it.

We often go through life avoiding the tough questions, including (per-

haps, especially) the big one, “Who am I?” As we explore the answers to
such questions, though, there is one small catch: we can’t answer with
our profession, occupation, family name or any other such labels. This
search is not about what we do, how we do it, or which house we were
born into.

Of course, these aspects are important. In the pages that we fill with our
story, all of these aspects lend paragraphs and chapters. But they are not
the entire story.

To answer the question of who we are requires taking a sincere look

within ourselves, at the details that go overlooked. The emotions we
feel. The passion that drives us. The fear that keeps us from falling
asleep. The way our eyes light up when we’re happy. The way our hearts
ache when we feel hurt. The intricate nuances we are prone to ignoring
in our day-to-day life.

Starting off on this quest, in this unique state of uncertainty and curios-
ity, is truly the beginning of something extraordinarily beautiful. It is
an opportunity in disguise, right at the brink of metamorphosis.
6 SHAHZAD MALIK

And if this is where you find yourself, then let this book help you make
the most of this opportunity. It doesn’t matter what stage of life you
find yourself at. It doesn’t matter where you hail from, or where you feel
you’re headed. Let this book help to empower you, to discover yourself,
to find out who you are, and to reach your true potential.

This book’s purpose is to inspire individuals like you and me to make a

positive difference in our lives, and to amplify our true nature to attain
lasting and self-perpetuating fulfilment.

It’s never too late to make a difference. Remember: this moment, this
moment right now, this is the first moment of the rest of your life.

So, what are you waiting for?

Let’s make it count!

 1
Belief and Positivity

The universe is the live wire. It carries power sufficient to meet

every situation in the life of every individual. When the indi-
vidual touches the Universal Mind, it receives all its power.

- Charles Hannel

T he year is 1986. Queen is headlining Wembley Stadium for what

will come to be known as one of the most iconic live perfor-
mances in the history of live music. Freddie Mercury’s voice is echoing
across the stadium, as thousands of fans sing and dance along, scream-
ing at the top of their lungs, waving their hands in sync with the
rhythm, clapping to the drop of the beat, and feeling alive through
every second and every moment of it. Every single member of the audi-
ence, alive and euphoric, becomes part of the collective and shared ex-
perience inside that stadium. There are no individuals inside that stadi-
um anymore–it’s just Queen and the crowd. The fans are enraptured.
And the atmosphere is electric.

The universe is a lot like that Queen concert. The rhythm moving every
person there. The same vibration pulsating through everyone. An un-
limited, unbounded, and unquantifiable amount of positive energy.

The universe is exactly like that Queen concert.

And you are Freddie Mercury, standing up on stage, looking to the uni-
verse before you as it lies in wait for your next move.

7
8 SHAHZAD MALIK

EINSTEIN FAMOUSLY POSITED that energy is neither created

nor destroyed; it merely changes from one form to another.

The universe around us is in fact a vast consortium of energies. Every-

thing it is, and everything it contains, is purely energy. Take us humans
for instance. We are great masses of energy, from the electrons in our
cells to the neurons that zap through our nerves, giving rise to our
thoughts, emotions, actions, and everything that we are.

Energy that transforms and shifts from one form to another, giving rise
to constructs such as time and space, allowing for us to live our lives as
we do, letting us have the experiences we come to cherish, and connect-
ing us not only to each other but also to the universe itself.

Each of these energies has a unique frequency signature. The energy

of the universe (or the Universal Energy) has its own frequency (the
Universal Frequency). Our energies—yours, mine, everyone and every-
thing else’s—all have their own frequencies.

I agree, it all sounds a bit chaotic. If this happened in an orchestra,

where each member was playing at a different frequency, they would
end up with nothing more than a loud, unbearable noise. Luckily,
though, we have the power to control the frequency of our energy.

Everything we think, everything we feel, everything we believe in, and

everything we act upon has its own energy; one mighty force.

And, at the centre of it all, is no one else but you.

GROWING UP, SINCE THE first time I was introduced to Star

Wars, I wanted to become a Jedi. I could think of nothing cooler or
more powerful than to be one of the ‘chosen ones.’ And while my
 DARE TO BE YOU 9

friends all wanted lightsabers and to play pretend with plastic swords, I
wanted something more.

A Jedi is a Jedi not because of the lightsaber. What makes a Jedi special
is the element of the ‘Force.’

Now, what if I told you the Force is real?

In fact, what if I told you that not only is it real, but we can actually use
it–this Force already present within us?

Of course, much like every other Jedi, what we require to draw upon
this Force is the discipline to harness it. And before we can harness it,
we must first understand what it really is.

In the words of Obi-Wan, as he explained the Force to a young, scep-

tical Luke Skywalker, “The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an
energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates
us. It binds the galaxy together.”1

And later, as a seasoned and experienced Luke Skywalker explains it to

Rey, “It is the energy between all things... a balance that binds the uni-
verse together.”2

I’ll pause and wait for you to re-read that, so you can see it for your-
self–the uncanny resemblance between the Force and what we’ve been
talking about.

The Force is simply the ability to quieten your mind, and control the
frequency of your energy to match the Universal Frequency—to tune
into and harness the Universal Energy. Surely, you can appreciate how
powerful the Force can be.

Much like in Star Wars, our energies can be both positive and negative,
each with their own frequencies. And much like the Dark Side, it’s the
10 SHAHZAD MALIK

negative energies that always try to bring us down and de-moralize us;
to make us give in to our anger, doubt, and fear.

That, we cannot let happen.

ONE OF MY FAVOURITE things to do as I’m driving back home

from work is to turn up the radio. Sometimes, I happen to tune right
into a great song. Other times, the radio turns on to an advertisement
playing. I sometimes listen to the advertisement if I find it interesting,
but more often than not, I opt to change to a different radio station.
I push a button, and the radio realigns itself to receive a different fre-
quency. This might sound like common practice to you—that’s just
how radios work; there is no great mystery there. Well, we humans
aren’t too different. Just as we can set the frequency of our radios, we
can also align the frequency of our own energies.

When we listen to a song we like, we tend to lose ourselves in the song.

We enjoy the song as a whole, as a complete amalgamation of the vari-
ous parts that make up the song. We tap our foot along to the rhythm
and we sway our heads to the melody; but we rarely notice the beat, the
bass, the rhythm and so on as individual parts. All the instruments and
all the musicians work together in complete synchrony to give birth to
such an experience. The slightest note off key, the slightest beat out of
time, and our ears catch on to it, ruining the entire song and diminish-
ing our overall experience.

Music is one of the ways we experience both vibrations and frequencies

using one of our five senses. And if we can understand that a harmo-
nious interplay allows for the creation of wonderful music, then we,
too, must aspire to live our lives as one beautiful symphony.

A beautiful symphony that is achieved only by aligning our frequencies

with the Universal Frequency; by stepping in, and taking control. And
 DARE TO BE YOU 11

by knowing that the Universal Frequency has nothing but good to offer
into our lives.

So how can you achieve this in your life? How can you harness the
Force, align your frequency, and achieve everything you set your mind
to?

The answer is so simple it might surprise you: by consciously being pos-

itive!

Surely, you must have heard some of the most successful individuals
claim that “You make your own destiny!” Similarly, there are stories of
individuals who ‘had it all’ only to lose it, and then, lo and behold, build
themselves back up again. These stories are not miracles and these peo-
ple are no more exceptional than us; the difference is in their belief sys-
tem and in the mind-set they adopt. They believe they can do it. And
it’s that positive attitude that gives them the motivation to fulfil their
dreams and to achieve whatever they set out to do. The positivity un-
locks their path to attuning with the Universal Frequency.

It’s a simple truth of life that very few people follow; but, at the same
time, it’s the very same people who do follow it that end up being suc-
cessful and able to change the course of their lives.

THINK OF THE UNIVERSE as the Fairy Godmother you never

knew you had. She’s always there, always keeping an eye out for you, al-
ways wanting for what is best for you, and always more than happy to
fulfil your every wish.

So, what would you like to ask for?

What do you want the most?

12 SHAHZAD MALIK

What does your heart truly desire? Money? Fame? A new car? A new
house? A yacht? Stability in your relationship? Promotion at your job?
It could be anything.

Are you having trouble deciding what one thing you really want? Then
what about all of them? How about everything your heart desires?
There are no limits.

Let’s start, though, with one thing. Visualize it. Form its image in your
mind. Focus on what you want. Can you see it clearly? Once you know
what it is you want, asking for it is the first step to receiving it; for until
you ask for something, how will the universe know you want it? And
until the universe knows, how can it give you what you want?

The universe doesn’t need you to ask out loud, or to give voice to your
desires. The universe and you are already connected. All you need is to
match your frequency to the Universal Frequency, for what you give
out to the universe determines what the universe gives back to you.

Whatever is coming in our life, good or bad, for better or for worse, we
are the ones attracting it. The human mind is almost like a magnet, at-
tracting towards itself different forms of energy. And with energies, like
attracts like. Thoughts, too, are magnetic, and our thoughts also attract
similar thoughts (remember how we talked about being wary of our
thoughts?). If we send out positive thoughts, our life, in turn, becomes
more positive; but if we allow ourselves to feel bad for ourselves, and
keep thinking we cannot achieve what we want to, it will never happen.

Our thoughts and feelings don’t just attract the energies from outside
of us; they also attract energies within us. And so you might have no-
ticed that one bad thought at the start of the day can almost feel like
the first domino falling in a series of dominoes, resulting in one bad
thought after another. Similarly, just one good thought in the morning
 DARE TO BE YOU 13

and we find that our entire day is filled with the good flowing through
our lives.

This is one of the reasons that researchers now suggest waking up and
making a list of all the things you’re grateful for first thing out of bed.

Recently there has also been a worldwide trend of Vision Boards. What
exactly is a Vision Board and what does it do? A Vision Board is a phys-
ical manifestation of your deepest desires. It is a constant positive re-
inforcement of what you want most. Since for most of us it’s easier to
believe what we see, a Vision Board allows one to do just that—con-
stantly see the end goal of what we want. Say, for instance, what you
want is to go on holiday and to get a new car. Let your Vision Board
represent that. Draw the car you want onto it, or, if your art is anything
like mine, you can print a picture of the car and put that there. Take
out pictures of where you want to go on holiday, and put those there.
If it’s a promotion you seek, put down what your business card would
look like with your new title. Subsequently, every day you can wake up
and be reminded of what you’re aspiring towards, and ask for it from
the universe with even greater clarity and purpose.

Of course, your Vision Board might not look anything like this, and
that’s completely okay! Think of a Vision Board as something that aids
you in zeroing in on what you truly want, allowing you to refine your
focus and better understand your own goals, and serving as a reminder
for the same.

Back in college, in one of my classes—Business Strategy—we were

tasked with coming up with a business plan for a business we would
like to set up one day. Most of my classmates didn’t take the assignment
too seriously, jotting down whatever came to their mind right in time
to meet the deadline. For me, though, it was a completely different ex-
perience.
14 SHAHZAD MALIK

I felt I was an artist. My professor had handed me a blank canvas, and

had asked me to draw how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. There,
sitting in college, I drew up a business plan for a project in Pakistan that
harvested wind energy to generate electricity. I remember I took the as-
signment far more seriously than my peers, staying up nights to be thor-
ough in my research, and to come up with a business plan that could
one day actually see the light of day and help people back home. So, my
Vision Board was born—a business plan that had the specifications and
details for a wind energy farm in Pakistan down to a tee.

The next step in the process is having conviction. Conviction that the
universe is listening. Conviction that the universe wants what is best for
you. Conviction that you are worthy of receiving what is best for you.
And conviction that the universe is present; it is present and listening
to you, waiting for you to just ask.

You might be questioning how this could be true. I also used to ques-
tion the veracity of this claim. After all, penning a business plan about
a wind-farm, and setting one up are completely different tasks, in terms
of their complexity and scale. I kept asking the universe to make the
wind-farm come true. Over, and over, and over again, I would keep
asking the universe to make it real. But nothing happened. Nothing
changed, and I became extremely critical of this notion.

It turned out, I was missing out on a very important aspect of the

process: the conviction. While I was consciously asking the universe to
make it happen, my internal monologue was more along the lines of,
“Oh God, how is this even going to happen? Just talking about it makes
me feel I’ve taken on too much. What if I’m not able to do this? What
if I fail?”

The universe does not listen to our words. The universe responds to
the energy we send out, for that is how we connect with the universe.
Our energies’ frequencies matching is our nexus of communication. So,
 DARE TO BE YOU 15

while I was asking for the wind-farm to become a reality, what I was
sending out into the universe was negative energy (of discontentment
and disbelief ), because what I lacked was the conviction that I could in
fact make this dream come true.

I did not stand in front of the mirror and lie that I was the founder of
such a project, or pretend that I had already achieved what I had set out
to do. The universe would have known I was being insincere, because I
would have known I was being insincere. I simply started repeating to
myself, “I am on the path to actualising my vision of a wind-farm.” That
was a statement I could believe, with conviction, to be true. It accurate-
ly expressed my situation in that present moment, and that made all the
difference.

The last, and equally important step, is being ready to receive what you
have asked for once the universe tries to give it to you. This might seem
absurd to you. Why would you not want something you desire so much
and have been asking the universe for? Well, sometimes, we’re not ready
to receive it.

Sometimes our conviction isn’t as strong. Other times, we might feel

we’re not deserving. Any time we let doubt or fear creep into our
minds, we hinder ourselves from receiving what we desire. So, it is
equally important to open our minds and our hearts to receiving from
the universe.

This is where our Jedi training must kick in. To see our desires through
and to move towards our aims and our goals we must let go of what
holds us back. The very first conviction we must embrace, with all our
being and with every pulse of energy we send out into the universe, is
that we are enough. That we are deserving of better and greater things
in our lives, and that good things will come our way.
16 SHAHZAD MALIK

I struggled with this for quite some time. I kept asking the universe to
help me succeed and move closer to my goal, and yet I was in constant
self-doubt. After all, how could someone as young as I was set out to try
and materialise such a behemoth of a dream? Was I making the right
decision? Would I be capable enough to see it through? And then to
make sure it not only gets set up, but runs smoothly as well?

All I knew was, I had to try.

And if I had to try, then I owed it to myself to give my everything to

this attempt I did have. There was no backing out now, and there was
no room or time to make excuses. I had been asking the universe, but
first, I had to prepare my own self.

You, and you alone, are constantly creating and recreating your destiny.
If you keep on saying, “I cannot afford this holiday,” or “I cannot run
five miles in one stretch,” the fact of the matter is that you then never
will. Every time your heart desires something, tell yourself you can af-
ford it; that you are worthy of it.

Repeatedly reinforce it.

Believe it.

And soon you will see the difference.

THE UNIVERSE IS BOUNTIFUL and abundant. We must never

feel we are asking for too much, that we are aiming too high, or are
dreaming too big. There is no such thing.

The only thing we must remain cautious of is the downward spiral of

negativity. When we are upset, we direct all our energy on that one
small focal point, and we get so caught up in it that we do not see the
bigger picture. Like a horse charging forward with its blinders on. As a
 DARE TO BE YOU 17

result, our energy becomes limited and allows more negative thoughts
to enter our minds. The moment we become aware of this, and stop fo-
cusing on the negative, we can suddenly feel a spring in our step. The
feeling that we can achieve anything.

This is the secret for success. The more positive you are, the more you
will achieve, because your universe is being shaped by your thoughts
and the energy that you emit. And the degree of positivity that you ex-
hibit, that you feel, and internalize, is entirely up to you.

Because you are in control.

When did I fully understand what this means?

When the wind-farm became an operational reality in 2015. When my

Vision Board came to life. When I could see before my very eyes a tan-
gible manifestation of what I had dreamt of—the product of the con-
vergence of my belief in both myself and the universe, and a commit-
ment to action.

If I was able to achieve my goals, then so can you!

Imagine this: you are centre-stage. The spotlight shines bright upon
you. Spread before you, like the crowd in Wembley Stadium, on that
Saturday in the July of 1986, is the entirety of the universe. It stands
there in anticipation, waiting on you to guide it, to shape it, to give
it direction, and to take the reins. You stand there on stage, aware of
your own self, in harmony with the frequency of the universe, knowing
this to be true, and holding a belief–stronger than anything you’ve ever
known–that you are in complete and unequivocal control of your uni-
verse.

The stage is yours. Hum! Sing! Dance along to the tune of the universe!
Harness that positive energy! Embrace it!
18 SHAHZAD MALIK

This is it! And you are here.

You are worthy of good, and there is no limit to the good you can have
but that which you set for your own self.

The universe is unbounded. And so are you.

 2
The Mind

We know the world only through the window of our mind.

When our mind is noisy, the world is as well. And when our
mind is peaceful, the world is, too. Knowing our minds is just
as important as trying to change the world.

- Haemin Sunim

W e keep walking and walking, circling about the same centre,

constantly running into ourselves, constantly apologizing to
our own selves, constantly fighting with our own selves, constantly feel-
ing angry and irritated and annoyed.

And we keep doing this without pausing to recognize we can stop this
cycle. We can break free from it. You, I, and everyone else.

We can break free.

I had always found it troubling to let go. I needed to feel in control. I

needed to feel I had the power. I didn’t care much about what this need
to feel in control did to me, or how much it took out of me. I was sim-
ply too afraid to let go. But it was only once I did, that I was able to feel
that breeze from my childhood blowing again. That cool, gentle breeze
that lets me know everything is alright, that I am safe, that it’s a beauti-
ful day and I am part of it.

Every day, every other moment, we tend to ignore certain aspects of

each present moment. From the sunlight dancing amongst the leaves in
the trees as it reaches the ground, to the smell of the wet soil after it has

19
20 SHAHZAD MALIK

rained. And why? Because we’re always trying to run somewhere. To

work, to school, to a meeting, to run an errand. Sometimes, we’re not
even running towards anything in particular–we’re just tangled in our
own minds, all the while running on the treadmill of our thoughts.

And every single time we miss out on being a part of the present mo-
ment.

More often than not, we are plagued by memories from our past or
thoughts relating to our future. Equally often, we are unaware that such
a phenomenon is taking over our mind, that such a phenomenon is tak-
ing us away from the here and now. Without realizing it, we overrule
our present with nostalgia or anticipation that removes us from this
very moment in which we are (or rather can be) truly alive.

LIKE A DOG LOVES TO chew on bones endlessly, our mind, too,

loves to chew on problems to keep itself occupied. What does it do
when there are no problems? It creates problems. Problems that it
‘needs to solve.’ And so it keeps dragging us into that never-ending
loop: we solve one problem, and we suddenly find ourselves having to
solve a hundred more.

In the 86,400 seconds we have in a day, let’s say you experience a new
thought, on average, every ten seconds. That means you have 8,640
thoughts in a single day. Now you’re probably thinking, “That’s simply
absurd! I don’t think that much!” But it’s true. You have 8,640 un-
conscious thoughts in a 24-hour span, and the ones you engage with
shift over into your conscious mind. If you engage with all of them,
you’re bound to go insane. But you do still engage with as many of these
thoughts as is possible for you. There’s just something about the voice
when it pops up in your head, no? This need to engage with it. This
need that compels you to become answerable to these thoughts.
 DARE TO BE YOU 21

But, are you really?

Let’s try this from another angle: how many of these thoughts truly re-
flect what you want? Let’s take an example. Say you’re working towards
something that matters to you (an exam, a job interview, a promotion, a
proposal, anything), and you’ve been working towards it for a substan-
tial amount of time now, investing a significant amount of your energy
in pursuit of this endeavour.

You have your sights set. You’re excited but also afraid. You’re a little
apprehensive, but deep down you know you’ve got this–you’ve been
preparing for it for all this time. You can almost see the finish line. It’s
right there. You’re so close!

And then, right before the race ends, in that very last stretch, a stray
thought shoots through your mind, piercing your focus, and unhinging
the rhythm you had established.

Bam!

You blank out.

I know what that feels like. I’ve found myself in that situation multiple
times in my life. Take, for instance, my Statistics final in college. I had
imagined a Business Major such as myself would have no trouble get-
ting through a Statistics course. Especially since I had studied diligently
for the final. I had revised the class notes, I had solved practice ques-
tions, I had done everything I felt I could do.

But then came the exam paper.

One look, and all the lights in my brain went out.

“You idiot, you don’t know anything!” that stray thought started to
tell me. “These questions are incredibly hard, and with such little time,
22 SHAHZAD MALIK

you’re never going to be able to do this. You might as well just give up
and leave right now. Why even bother staying in the hall?”

No matter how hard I tried to shun these thoughts away, I succumbed

to them. I began entertaining them. I began feeding them with my at-
tention, and they kept growing. It’s as if the sneaky voice in my head
had become one with me.

“You’re right. I’m not good enough,” I heard myself agreeing, “I can’t
do this.”

And, well... I failed the exam and ended up having to re-take the course.

To have prepared for any endeavour for so long, only to get up there
and choke... it certainly is a terrible feeling. You lose your confidence.
You start doubting yourself. You begin to question your abilities. It re-
ally sucks.

But, where did all that confidence go? That self-belief ? That surety of
knowing who you are and what you’re capable of ?

This definitely seems like no way to live your life. It almost feels like
you’re doing yourself injustice. In fact, we circle back to the same ques-
tion we began with at the start: who are you?

And unless you can break free from your thoughts, how do you hope to
ever find out?

So, what holds you back? Why don’t you break free from these
thoughts?

You’re probably rolling your eyes at me, “If it were that easy, don’t you
think I’d have done it by now?”

I’ve had the same response many times in the past myself. But now, I’m
not quite sure I agree with you there.
 DARE TO BE YOU 23

Do you know what I think? About why you don’t do something about
it? About why you have resigned yourself to this fate?

I don’t think it’s because you find it difficult. In fact, it’s likely not even
a question of difficulty at all. I feel it’s because you’ve managed to con-
vince yourself that you are your thoughts, and your thoughts are you.3
You have allowed yourself to believe that these thoughts define you.

After all, if someone were to suddenly take away that voice in your
head–what would you be left with? If suddenly you were to no longer
rely on your thoughts, if you were to put a halt to your (compulsive)
thinking, who would you even be anymore?

I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE to be there. To begin to question who I

am if not my thoughts. I remember feeling lost, disoriented; as if some-
one had rattled the foundations upon which I was standing. I became
afraid of losing my ‘identity’.

For so long, I allowed myself to remain a prisoner to such thoughts. I

allowed myself to fall prey to the voice inside my head that kept telling
me I was not good enough, that I was incompetent, and that I could
never amount to much. But then, after clinging on for long enough, I
actively tried to let go. To release my fist clenched around my thoughts.
To stop holding on to them so tightly, and to let them flow, fall through
my fingers, and be carried away by the breeze.

The voice still lurks around sometimes. And though such thoughts may
not have fully gone away, my obsession with them surely has. In this
process, I discovered a little secret about myself: I am so much more
than just my thoughts.

In fact, I discovered I am not my thoughts at all.

24 SHAHZAD MALIK

I had so easily fallen prey to this endless loop that I had held open
the door for anxiety and negativity to seep in. Further, because I was
not actively aware or conscious of these thoughts, I remained oblivious
to their entry, recognizing their existence only once they had become
overbearing in their attempt to hijack my life and become its pilots.

You see, our mind, always trying to run after something, keeps in-
cessantly turning and churning thoughts, as if on an endless loop. It
doesn’t rest, and we keep enabling it to keep going. With each passing
moment, we keep turning the key just that little bit more, winding up
our minds, and keeping our thinking gears constantly in motion.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to become able to let go of this entire mess? To

shed this load and feel the weight slip off our shoulders?

Well, here’s another secret: you’re listening to and engaging with each
thought because you have started identifying with that voice inside
your head. On some level, it seems instantly relatable; on others, the
voice begins to sound like a friend. Both are equally deceptive.

Have you ever wondered why that voice is there in the first place? Is
there some purpose behind those whispers? Some reason behind that
onslaught of stray thoughts? Some reason your mind feels it can’t rest?

What if I told you your mind is trying to distract you from something?
What if I told you it’s trying to distract you from the present moment?
This moment. Right here. Right now.

This awareness, this razor-sharp truth of the present moment, can ap-
pear scary to confront and deal with. We fall so comfortably into a
routine, into some pattern of self-detrimental habits—sometimes con-
sciously, but mostly completely unaware this is what we’re doing—that
switching on our awareness seems like daunting work.
 DARE TO BE YOU 25

And yet, the more aware we are of the moment, the happier we can al-
low ourselves to be in the present.

Our mind tries to distract us from this reality. It tries to cover it up by

giving us the illusion of being in the present, while in fact keeping us
busy living either behind the immediate moment or trying to live ahead
of it. As Michel de Montaigne, a French Renaissance philosopher, put
it nearly five hundred years ago, “My life has been filled with terrible
misfortune; most of which never happened.”4

The mind will always want to escape the present because the present is
our only reality. It encapsulates the real truth of existence. In fact, if you
think about it, the present is the only real truth of existence. The more
we honour and respect the present, the more we become attuned to it,
and the more we allow ourselves freedom from pain.

To let go completely is to let go of the time in the past and to live in the
moment. This accumulated time, so to speak, causes pain; simultane-
ously, the thought of what the future may or may not hold is endearing.
And just like any other drug, with its deceptive sense of warmth and
comfort, this, too, can become addictive.

Our mind betrays us. And we, as silent observers in our own life, let it.

So, what do you do? How do you know which path to choose and
which to be critical of ?

I can share one important direction from my own personal experience:

when that happens, when you’re not sure if you’re falling into the same
trap all over again, choose to follow your heart.

The heart is not confused. It knows what it wants and it represents what
we feel. The heart transcends thinking. And that is what we, too, must
aspire towards.
26 SHAHZAD MALIK

Take a common occurrence. How many times have you held back from
apologizing to someone, even when you’ve felt it’s the right thing to
do, because a little voice in the back of your head made you question
why you should make the first move? Perhaps you chose to listen to
that voice, thinking (erroneously) that the voice is yours, and trusting it
(mistakenly) to be representative of how you truly feel. In doing so, you
may have paid no heed to your heart, which kept beating along, yearn-
ing for you to simply go ahead and do what you sincerely wish to.

To do what makes you happy. To do what fulfils you.

Yet, how can we truly know what fulfils us if we lose ourselves in the
cacophony of voices inside our heads? Which voice do we listen to and
which voice do we ignore? And how do we reach down to what our
heart is trying to tell us?

At some point or another, we’ve all likely experienced helping out a

friend or sibling who’s come to us distressed, seeking a listening ear or
earnest counsel. Often, it feels easier to dispense advice than to follow
it. You sit down with them, you hear them out, you feel their pain al-
most as if it were your pain, and you console them. You see the poten-
tial they have, and your heart aches because, in that moment, they can’t
see it. And you try, with all your soul, to convince them to see them-
selves how you see them.

Talented. Intelligent. Diligent. Resilient. Beautiful. Weird. Funny. Ec-

centric. Soulful. Quirky. Caring. Present. Sincere.

Attributes you assign to them in a heartbeat.

Attributes you would assign to yourself in a heartbeat too?

What keeps you from being such a friend to your own self ?

Do you believe in yourself the same way you believe in your friends?
 DARE TO BE YOU 27

As you attempt to answer that, let’s try something. Step outside of your-
self, and into the shoes of your reflection, looking back at you through
the mirror. Become an observer–someone on the outside. Try and be-
come for yourself what you are for others: a friend.

Use this friendship to look deeper within yourself. Observe yourself for
who you are. Reflect. Observe your actions and emotions and the stray
thoughts as they are and for what they are.

You are a complete human being. You are capable and you are a warrior.
You have made it this far, and it is time to go further.

But maybe, life no longer needs to be a battle. Maybe you don’t need to
go to war. Perhaps life, and who you are, can become your greatest allies
on your journey towards self-discovery: a journey made up of a number
of present moments, each one waiting to be fully lived by no one other
than you.

Then, and only then, might you be able to see what I mean when I tell
you: you are not your thoughts.

You are so much more.

And when that happens, pause for a moment, and just check with your-
self: how liberating was that?

To know that you, and only you, are in control of your life. That you
hold the reins. That you are behind the wheel. That you hold the com-
pass, and you chart your own route. It’s just you in the cockpit. And you
have this under control.

There is so much more to you than you allow yourself to believe.

28 SHAHZAD MALIK

WE HUMAN BEINGS ARE quite complex, and there is no shying

away from the fact. We feel pushed to the edges of our limits, but we
stumble upon a ‘reserve,’ one we did not think existed, and we discover
the ability to push our limits a little further. And each time we do, we
become that little bit stronger. Our capacity to deal with obstacles and
hurdles in life increases permanently.

Each one of us possesses within us the ability to achieve our dreams,

and to make the most of the hand life deals us. Breaking free from our
mind’s ‘captivity’ is often referred to as Enlightenment. And whenever
I find myself wondering whether I can break free (and how), I always
refer back to the one being whose story I find truly inspirational: Sid-
dhartha. Siddhartha found enlightenment by the side of a river, by let-
ting go of his past, and being in the present moment, at one with him-
self and Nature.5

To put it another way, enlightenment is the end of the dreadful enslave-

ment of incessant thinking.

It’s easy to get bogged down by thinking of the destination you feel you
are headed towards. And so, I want you to remember it’s the journey
there that makes all the difference–the road leading up to the destina-
tion, rather than the destination itself.

We have no control over our past or our future, and allowing ourselves
to be immersed in either will eventually lead us to drown in the merci-
less sea of what-ifs. What, then, do we have control over? Nothing more
and nothing less than ourselves in the present.

So, we learn to let go. We learn to allow ourselves to be.

Our life is a journey in and of itself. But what most of us forget is the
same journey is also a collection of infinite destinations: a new one each
 DARE TO BE YOU 29

moment. And, in our rush to go from one moment to the next and to
remain in anticipation of what’s to come, we lose sight of what is.

On our journey, we find a plethora of examples that if we let go of, we

would be more at ease. Except, we choose not to. We submit to our ego,
the false sense of self we have created for ourselves, and we refuse to let
go. But what if we did? What if we let go, and learned to listen to our
heart instead?

Surely, we need to stop being our own enemies. Surely, we need to stop
poisoning our own selves while trying to blame our environment, or the
people around us, or that one slightly raised cobblestone on the street
we stubbed our toe on earlier.

Surely, we need to learn to let go.

It’s high time we break free from these shackles that hold us
back–shackles that we, ourselves, have helped to tie around our ankles.
And, in so doing, we set ourselves on the path of self-awareness, self-
discovery, and self-acceptance.

Let’s put aside where it may take us, and let’s leave behind what we’re
moving away from.

Let’s start to just be.

 3
Fear

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the

things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. So throw off
the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade
winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

- Mark Twain

W e are unbounded like the universe. We are unbounded, and yet

we choose to stay chained. You, me, the next person to pick up
this book, all of us can find ourselves in such a situation, especially if
we’re not paying close attention.

But what lies deep at the root of this dilemma? To understand the an-
swer to this puzzle, we must bare our defences and take an honest look
within. What makes us cling on to those irritating, redundant patterns?
What leads us to block off the flow of faith in our lives? What lies at
the epicentre of the doubt that creeps in?

Look hard enough and you begin to see the answer is fear. Fear is what
holds us back.

We experience fear as a direct result of evolution. Long ago, back in

our ancestors’ time, when they lived as part of hunter-gatherer societies,
they would have to leave their family behind and go into the wild in
search of prey to feed themselves and their families. Fear would kick in
as a warning sign, helping them remove themselves from the imminent-
ly dangerous situation. This danger was usually in the form of wild car-

30
 DARE TO BE YOU 31

nivorous animals, and it was a fear of such threats that kept our ances-
tors sharp, alert, and on their toes, ready to fight or run away to safety.

In today’s ever-connected society, however, the wild ravenous bear ap-

pears as the manager in a suit, and fear of the imminent storm presents
as a fear of failure. Regardless of where we try to run from it, it seems
the reprieve we feel is only temporary. And so, we must learn to stand
our ground–boldly and with confidence.

To effectively face something, we must first fully understand its nature.

It is crucial for us to understand where our fear originates from, and
what breeds it within us now. Surely it isn’t a fear of being eaten alive!

Put simply, the most common cause of fear today is our lifestyle–the
very way we choose to go about the time we have. And everything we
have discussed so far—our preoccupation with our thoughts, our rest-
lessness with the present moment, and so on—plays a part in this.

EVER SINCE WE ARE INFANTS, there seems to be an almost in-

nate sense of fear instilled within us. From there on—from the monster
under our bed to tackling with the notion of mortality—we find fear
manifest itself in a number of forms. We feel afraid of so many things
that could happen: we could fall ill, we could lose a loved one, we might
not be able to pay the bills this month, we might not make the promo-
tion, so on, and so on. In the end, though, if we really think about it, all
of it adds on to two almost-primal fears: one, the fear that the world as
we know it will come to an end (a fear of change); and two, the fear of
not being good enough (a fear of being inadequate).

As a result of this constant state of fear, we tend to either latch on to

the past or worry about the future. We lose sight of the present (which
we end up spending, in turn, entrapped by fear). It becomes a vicious
32 SHAHZAD MALIK

cycle of its own, where our response to this fear is often to try and deny
it, in hopes that our denial may quash it altogether.

Unfortunately, both of these scenarios only serve to fuel the fear, giving
it more power over us, and making it stronger.

To effectively deal with fear is to first acknowledge its presence–to re-

flect internally at the fear and form a clear vision of it. The only way to
do that is to ground ourselves in the present moment, in the here and
now. Because the present moment, fleeting as it might be, is the only
moment that offers us stability. It is the only moment that is real and
truly within our grasp.

When we reflect, we recognize our fears are predicated on how certain

events might take place. Our fears are fuelled by the uncertainty of our
future, while drawing upon memories of the past–memories that tug us
back to the fear we experienced in that original moment. So the fear
continues, then, to stay with us.

I still vividly remember the moment that divided my life into the period
before it and the period after. It seems like only yesterday: I was 19 years
old, in my dorm room in Boston. It was winter but I distinctly remem-
ber it being a sunny morning, the kind you want to spend out in your
garden, basking in the sun with your cup of tea. My morning was any-
thing but.

I was heading out to class when my phone rang. It was my mother on

the other end of the line, her voice breaking through tears.

“Shahzad, your father and I are getting divorced.”

If you’ve ever had one of those moments when you feel the ground dis-
appear from under your feet, as if someone’s just yanked it out from
beneath you, then you know how I felt. In that one instant, it seemed
everything I had known had come crashing down.
 DARE TO BE YOU 33

I was thousands of miles away from home, and had just received news
that my family was about to break apart. On the one hand, I knew that
nothing would ever be the same again. On the other, I knew that as the
eldest sibling, I had two younger sisters to look out for, who were going
to be at least just as affected with the news as I was.

Even now, when I catch myself thinking back to that moment, I feel
so heavy. There was so much going through my mind, and my heart
was enveloped in a grave sense of loss. Grief that soon transformed into
trembling fear.

Fear of losing the dynamic I had come to idealize, and look to for
support and guidance. Fear of being caught between the two people
I loved the most in the world. Fear of what family would look like
from thereon. Fear of how my siblings would handle the news, and
the change in... everything. Fear of losing my childhood, and having to
grow up so rapidly.

My fear had entangled within it a fear of loss with a fear of what the fu-
ture might look like, and it felt as if it would consume me. Thankfully,
it did not.

First, let’s take a moment to reflect upon the nature of our fear that aris-
es from thinking about the future. Have you ever wondered about it?
What is it about the future that leads you to dread it?

Picture this: you’re a swimmer competing in the Olympics. You have

just been informed that it’s time for your race. You leave your seat and
make your way to the pool, standing beside your lane as you take off
your flip flops and put on your goggles. You take a deep breath. This is
it. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

This present moment is you standing on the diving board. The past in-
cludes all the hard-work you’ve put into training for this very moment.
34 SHAHZAD MALIK

And the future, the uncertain future, holds both your race and its out-
come.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself in that particular moment–the

sound of the crowd dying down, the sound of your breath, the beat of
your heart echoing in your ears, and the sight of the swimming pool
with its clear blue water stretching before you. The referee stands in the
periphery of your vision with his whistle, resetting his stopwatch.

How do you feel?

Just imagining that instant, I can feel pangs of fear rising from my gut.
Just the sheer uncertainty of it all. Will I be able to do this? What if I
can’t? What if I miss the whistle and start late? What if...

I’m going to stop right there, because I can recognize myself opening
up Pandora’s Box, worrying about the future and losing my grounding
in the present.

Interestingly, seasoned athletes don’t feel this way at all. In that mo-
ment, athletes don’t feel fear or worry.

“What?” you ask. “How can that be? What do they feel then?”

Excitement. Athletes feel excited.

What this shows to us is that fear, and being paralyzed by it, is a mind-
set–one we can consciously change, and one we can actively prevent
from hindering us on our path towards our goals.

Our body only recognizes our emotions through the stimuli they man-
ifest. We recognize love from how it makes our hearts flutter, and we
recognize joy from our inability to stop smiling. In the very same way,
our body recognizes fear as a certain set of stimuli. And though we usu-
ally categorize the stimuli for fear as being similar to those of anxiety
and stress, we tend to forget that excitement shares the very same stim-
 DARE TO BE YOU 35

uli too. And so, rather than fighting against the stimuli, we can choose
to simply re-label and re-categorize our experience of them. This, of
course, applies to all situations, from competing in a race to whatever it
is about your future you find yourself afraid of.

Isn’t it amazing? The very thing we were afraid of delving into suddenly
turns itself into an adventure. And the same way fear is a primal emo-
tion from our youth, so too is excitement. When we were little, and we
had not been influenced by society’s conditioning, almost everything
seemed exciting to us. The world lay before us as new-found land, wait-
ing to be traversed and explored.

What about now? What about that next public speaking engagement?
A hundred people? In one room? That sounds absolutely thrilling!
Imagine–a hundred people gathered together just to listen to you.
Clearly, you must have a lot of worth in their eyes. And perhaps,
through your speech, you could reach out and impact their lives. Per-
haps they’re all investors, and you could leave the room with enough
investment to turn your own dreams into reality. It might not seem like
it, but it really is as simple as that.

There is a small catch though.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and

courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and
think about it. Go out and get busy.

- Dale Carnegie

The only way to turn fear into excitement is to go out and do. Whether
you succeed or you have to try again is immaterial. What matters is that
you show up, and you give it a shot. As Woody Allen put it, “Just show-
ing up is half the battle.”
36 SHAHZAD MALIK

To be able to show up, in turn, requires self-belief and self-love. We

must learn to be kinder to ourselves, to not beat ourselves up so often;
and, rather, to love ourselves, and to be more accepting of who we are.

These days, we hear so many stories of successful people and their great
achievements. But what gets left behind is the human aspect of it all, of
how they got to their successes, and how many bumps they had to face
along the way. Take Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, for
example. We think of Thomas Edison and we think of his invention,
but what about the numerous attempts he made before the final prod-
uct that did not work? In Edison’s own words, he did not fail. He sim-
ply, “... found 10,000 ways that don’t work.”

What got Edison to the light bulb was not some miracle. It was his
excitement, his self-belief, and his determination–his ability to keep
showing up, despite not having found success the attempt before.

It was reading about people such as Edison, and finding about how
they overcame adversity to conquer their fears, that helped me move
through my own. To find it deep within me to push through, and to
not let fear hold me back.

I want to tell you it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I would
not be wrong in doing so. However, at the very same time, in that mo-
ment, I knew with all my heart that I would succeed. I knew I didn’t
have an option. I had to. And I could feel that drive growing within me
with my own growing resolve.

Once the fear began to take over, casting a thick shadow over my heart,
sending shivers to my core, I felt that was it. But somewhere in that cold
darkness, I could feel a small flame burning within my chest; one that
started no larger than the dim flame from a half-burnt candle, but just
that was sufficient.
 DARE TO BE YOU 37

Over the next few days, as I brought myself to wrap my head around the
situation, and try and come to terms with it, something clicked. I real-
ized I no longer had the luxury to indulge in what had already passed.
I could not keep holding on to the past. I had to let it go. I had to see
things as they were. And in how things were, I had a certain role to
play—a crucial role. I started envisioning myself in that role, where I
had to be a pillar and a support for those I loved. Where I had to rise
up to the situation, and not allow myself to play victim.

Everything changed in that instance. That flame in my chest had grown

to a forest fire, allowing me to burn away my old habits. Gone were the
days I would wake up late and consider skipping classes, and waste away
my free time on activities that really did not serve or benefit me. That
sense of purpose became everything, and that faith is what allowed me
to continue. Neither of those would have been possible, if I had not pe-
riodically paused to ground myself in the here and now.

Despite everything, I did not know for certain how things were going
to turn out. So, what? What if you try and fail? It’s only time to get
back up, dust yourself off, and try again. As Thomas J. Watson Sr., the
founder of IBM, put it, “The fastest way to succeed is to double your
failure rate,” and I took that to heart.

I could feel myself on the way to becoming a better version of myself. I

felt on my way to unleashing my true potential and converting it into
solid, tangible action.

We find ourselves on such journeys because somewhere inside of us, in

some part of us, we know that we can. So, the next time fear tries to stop
you in your tracks, or tries to pull you backwards, take a moment, step
aside from the chaotic web of fear, and pause.

Pause.

Reflect.
38 SHAHZAD MALIK

Do.

If people not unlike you and me had given in to fear, we might not
have had half the technology or innovation we have today. Can you
imagine? We might have still been living without computers and light
bulbs! The only way to live is to shed the weight of your doubts and
your fears.

I promise you–they’re only holding you back.

 4
The Laws

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today

I am wise, so I am changing myself.

- Rumi

E very system in the universe is governed by its own set of rules, from
the movement of the Earth around the sun to gravity pulling
down on all of us. And while we are indeed unbounded, there are cer-
tain ‘laws’ that apply to the nature of our existence.

These ‘laws’ are, in fact, basic principles that we have come across mul-
tiple times during our life. The only aspect we need to focus on now is
how to best use them to our advantage, and to not lose out on the im-
pact they have on the path we choose for ourselves.

The laws governing our existence are sometimes also referred to, in
Buddhist philosophy, as the Laws of Karma. But their application–re-
gardless of what philosophy you use to explain them or what language
you use to discuss them–remains universal.

We’ve talked about the power of our mind, and its connection with
everything inside and around us. And we’ve also spoken about another
type of law–one that governs our own attitude–known commonly as
the Law of Attraction. Now let’s take a look at some of the other univer-
sal laws.

1) The Law of Cause and Effect

39
40 SHAHZAD MALIK

This first law, the Great Law, is the fundamental truth that what goes
around comes around; as you sow, so shall you reap. This is what we
touched on previously in Chapter 1–the universe responds to whatever
we put out into it. If we put out positivity and good, the universe re-
sponds by returning the same back to us. If we radiate negativity, we are
met with similar kinds of frequencies–incidents that serve to drain us
rather than recharge us.

It goes without saying that if we want happiness, peace, love, or friend-

ship then we first have to be happy, peaceful, loving and sincere in our
friendship. This is the only way to attract the good in our lives. Like-
wise, the more we worry about losing our happiness, wealth, friends or
love, the more they tend to leave our life because that is what we are
choosing to put out into the universe.

This is the most basic law in our lives, and one that becomes easy to lose
sight of, especially if something unexpected pops up, like running late
to work, or falling ill. It is in such moments that holding on to this law
and remembering it becomes even more vital.

To try and make sure I didn’t lose sight of it, I tried a small trick, and
it worked marvels for me. I made a simple note to myself and put it on
my nightstand:

Whatever I put out into the universe

is what the universe gives back to me.

It is still there on my nightstand, serving as a gentle reminder each day

to embrace a true sense of positivity and gratitude. I can feel the change
in my life. I can feel the universe almost smiling at me, and helping me
along. It really does work!

2) The Law of Creation

 DARE TO BE YOU 41

The Law of Creation pertains to the idea that each one of us constitutes
a major part of the universe. The universe is both inside and outside
of our metaphysical state–we can only witness the universe in our own
image. Life doesn’t just happen on its own accord; every incident takes
place because we are, in some manner or the other, expecting it to take
place.

Life requires our constant participation. Each one of us plays a crucial

role in what happens in and with our lives. The beauty of being human
is that our desires and wants are constantly changing. There is almost
always something we find ourselves working towards or desiring with
all our hearts. The trick to achieving our goals is to surround ourselves
mentally and physically with what we want present in our lives.

Stay yourself, know what you want, and go for it. Don’t allow yourself
to fall into the trap of becoming unsure of who you are or what you
want. Ambivalence gives rise to conflict, and the conflict often drains
us so much that it becomes exhausting and difficult to attain what we
want.

Remember: the universe is what you make of it.

Take out a moment to reflect on your life. Whatever surrounds you,

and whatever you choose to surround yourself with, offers clues about
your inner state. If, for instance, you feel loved, and find yourself sur-
rounded with good company, it is because you give out that same love,
and you earnestly care about them as well. The universe, in turn, re-
sponds to your energy and makes it happen.

3) The Law of Humility

The Law of Humility deals with the art of acceptance–whatever we

refuse to accept continues to repeatedly happen to us.
42 SHAHZAD MALIK

Suppose, I constantly keep focusing on someone’s negative aspects.

Want to take a guess at what’s going to happen? I’m going to keep en-
countering the same negative aspects all around me, in many different
forms.

What happens is we no longer remain focused on a higher level of exis-

tence; we become focused, instead, on some singular element of nega-
tivity. Have you ever noticed that you continue to dislike someone you
made an enemy out of a long time ago? That someone’s ‘annoying’ traits
become more and more amplified and become more and more unbear-
able.

The Law of Humility teaches us to let go of these negative

thoughts—to think beyond the superficial characteristics of a person
or an event, and to be more accepting of differences and anything that
turns out differently than our expectations.

4) The Law of Growth

Following from acceptance under the Law of Humility, the Law of

Growth reminds us that we, alone, are responsible for our actions, and
how we (choose to) allow something to make us feel. No one can truly
make our choices for us, and no one can make us feel anything different
than how we allow ourselves to feel. And the Law of Growth reminds
us to look within before we look without.

In order for our life to change, we, ourselves, are the ones who must
change. Where we want others to be more patient around us, we need
to learn the art of patience ourselves. For us to grow in spirit, it is we
who must change and not the people, places, or things around us. There
is only one constant in our life and that is our own selves. That is the
only entity we have control over, and the only factor we can change.

If you feel everyone around you is being short with you, and they don’t
understand you... pause. Take a moment and breathe. First, work to-
 DARE TO BE YOU 43

wards understanding your own self. Be patient, not just with others but
also with yourself. Soon you will notice the same patience and under-
standing making their way into your life, and becoming part of your
natural response.

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.

I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change

my nation.

When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on

my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I
tried to change my family.

Now as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is my-
self, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed my-
self, I could have had an impact on my family. My family and
I could have made an impact in our town. Their impact could
have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the
world.

- Anonymous

When we change who and what we are within our heart, our life fol-
lows suit and changes too. This is something we need to fully under-
stand and adopt. We constantly want others to change and make sacri-
fices, but it is time to be the change ourselves.

Because, it is only our own life that we have control over.

5) The Law of Responsibility

Now that we have established we alone have the power to change our
lives, our natural progression must be to move towards accountability,
and, thus, accepting responsibility.
44 SHAHZAD MALIK

The Law of Responsibility adheres to the most fundamental notion

that we, and we alone, are responsible for what goes right or wrong in
our lives.

Take a moment and let these words sink in: whenever there is some-
thing wrong in my life, there is something wrong present within me. I
agree these words sound harsh, and you might be inclined to become
defensive upon hearing them, and to reject such an idea altogether. But
allow it in. Let it sit for a while. Stay with it. Do you see it?

These words may indeed sound harsh, but think of this as tough
love–we seldom want it, but sometimes we do need it. Let these words
help you alter the way you look not only at the world, but also at your-
self.

We mirror what surrounds us, and what surrounds us, in turn, mirrors
us. This is nothing short of a Universal Truth, and it is one of the funda-
mental notions I hope you pick up from this book. Let’s revisit our ear-
lier example of Buddha–he found peace and tranquillity only because
that is what he surrounded himself with. And he was able to surround
himself with that energy because he was, at his core, being and becom-
ing peaceful and tranquil, in touch with his heart and away from his
thoughts. He achieved the inner peace he sought out to achieve. And
so can we.

We must start by taking responsibility for whatever goes on in our lives,

because we must understand it is, in essence, what we have created for
ourselves.

6) The Law of Connection

Before we get into what this law states, let’s first take a look at any of
the tasks we perform in our lives. Let’s say, I’m out of milk, and I now
have to go to the nearby supermarket to get some more. Seems like one
straightforward task, right? Well, in fact, this task is actually composed
 DARE TO BE YOU 45

of a number of smaller steps, being carried out one after the other, to
accomplish the overall task of getting milk.

I will have to get up, walk out of my place, sit in the car, pull the car
out of the garage, drive to the supermarket, park the car, exit the car,
walk into the supermarket, find the correct aisle, select the type of milk
I prefer to buy, proceed to the checkout counter, pay my bill, pick up
the milk, and then follow the same steps back home.

Though each of these steps seems menial and mundane, the truth is
each small part of the task is equally important in fulfilling that task. If
I miss even one of these steps, I don’t end up back home with the milk.

The very same concept applies to life at a more macro level, and that
is what the Law of Connection looks at. Everything we do is inter-
connected. No matter how seemingly pointless the task might seem, it
all falls into place in the grand scheme of things. The very same way
we can’t furnish a house without first building it, and we can’t build a
house without first laying firm foundations, and so on, the steps them-
selves need to be completed in a certain order, without being skipped–a
shortcut in the moment will only catch up to us later.

Our past, present and future are all interconnected, even if we some-
times become oblivious to this. There is a reason for our respective jour-
neys on this Earth. There are things we will discover, and people we
will meet who might have to depend on our actions. Understanding
this, we begin to see how our life is interconnected with everything we
do and every person we interact with. There is something new wait-
ing to be learned from every encounter and every experience, regard-
less of how bad it might seem in the moment. And if we have taken the
responsibility for our actions, and have made a commitment to grow,
then we remember that we must always begin with our own selves. Any-
thing we can learn from any such experiences will only help us in our
mission to know ourselves better.
46 SHAHZAD MALIK

And if we try and tune into our metaphysical presence, keeping in mind
our actions can change how our future looks, we can almost picture
what we want our present to feel and look like. With that knowledge,
we can work on changing our present, for we only have control over the
present. We can start by working on one thing at a time, and taking it
step-by-step; but start we must.

If there is something you want to achieve, be sure to lay the ground-

work for it. Often times it’s the seemingly redundant step that we skip
that comes back to haunt us. And it is often in covering these funda-
mentals that we are able to find stability, and the ability to proceed.

No step is too small.

7) The Law of Focus

To focus is to concentrate all your energies onto one, singular focal

point. It is a state of mind that allows for all dreams to come true, be-
cause if we apply all our energies to one task, then even with a goal as
great as moving mountains, we become capable of achieving it.

The Law of Focus does not accept the notion of multitasking. It negates
the view that we can multitask in an effective manner, for our mind can
only truly focus on one thing at a time. If you are reading this book,
and concurrently thinking about what to cook for dinner or the mes-
sage you have to reply to, you are effectively dividing your attention and
letting your mind wander, which will inevitably defeat the purpose of
you reading altogether. It is only when we focus fully on one task that
we become able to execute it well.

If we talk about our spiritual values, a singular focus remains equally

important. If we hold our spiritual values close, and we wish to be sin-
cere to them, then it just isn’t possible for us to have lesser thoughts,
such as thoughts of greed or anger. The only reason such thoughts enter
our mind is because we allow our attention to be diverted. And from
 DARE TO BE YOU 47

between the gaps in our divided attention, such thoughts find their
way into our susceptible brain. Now our focus is not only divided, but
divided between two seemingly conflicting thoughts. This defeats the
purpose of our spiritual thoughts, because the energies themselves be-
come confused, and with such weak focus neither of our thoughts will
reach fruition. We, in turn, will find ourselves caught in the stress and
misery of these conflicting energies.

To meditate, to recalibrate our inner peace of mind, and to get back in

touch with our honest inner voice is truly the first step in moving to-
wards that sniper-sharp focus.

8) The Law of Here and Now

Equally important is learning where to focus our energies. To water the

soil will be a wasted effort until we water the soil where the flower is
planted. To simply ‘focus’ is not enough.

The seed we have to water is the one that encapsulates our present mo-
ment. The Law of Here and Now teaches us exactly what we discussed
early on in the first chapter: looking back to the past, to examine what
has already happened, prevents us from focusing our energies on the
present. This in turn deters us from being completely present in the mo-
ment we are in. Words once spoken, thoughts that once preoccupied
us, patterns of behaviour previously exhibited, aspirations and dreams
that once were, are all in the past.

The only way they make it to our present is through us choosing for
them to remain with us. We hold on to them and drag them into this
moment only to realize we have bogged ourselves down with such ru-
minations, and have denied our mind the space or freedom to focus or
be positively creative. We need to let go of what is done and gone. And
to zero in on the present moment–the here and now.

We need to embrace change, and allow it to let us grow.

48 SHAHZAD MALIK

9) The Law of Change

As you may have often heard, change is the only constant feature in life.

Yet, have you ever wondered why history keeps on repeating itself ?

The answer is very simple: it repeats itself because we don’t learn from
it the first time around. For any change to be effective, it needs to be
made consciously, with directed and focused effort.

And so, history continues to repeat itself until we choose to pay atten-
tion to it, to learn from it, and to willingly change the way we act, think,
and live our lives.

Repeating the same patterns will only ever yield the same results. And
it is unfair to the universe, and to our own selves, for us to expect im-
provements without changing our own ways.

10) The Law of Significance and Inspiration

Much like a consistent theme across these laws, we get back from a feat
or prayer whatever we put into it.

If our energies are completely focused and we desire something with

a true heart, it comes true. But if there is even an iota of lacklustre,
or a drizzle of doubt, our desires do not reach fruition. The true value
of something is a direct result of the energy and intent that goes into
it. Every personal contribution is equally a contribution to the Whole,
and so if we do something half-heartedly, these contributions have no
impact on the Whole: neither do they work towards making some-
thing happen, nor do they work towards diminishing it.

Loving contributions are positive, and are sent out with passion and
care. It is contributions such as these that bring to life our dreams, and
help inspire us to do more.
 DARE TO BE YOU 49

And, in the long run, the very same acts serve to help our own cause.

As you go through this chapter, you will find certain common features
of all the laws. It doesn’t matter if you remember their names, or if you
remember which law is which. What matters is that you can under-
stand and pick up on the principles the laws lay down collectively, for
a better, successful and more harmonious life. The laws are extremely
simple–but it is equally important to hold on to them, to acknowledge
and be aware of these guiding principles, and to follow them to the best
of our abilities.
 5
Happiness

When I was five years old, my mother always told me that hap-
piness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked
me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told
them they didn’t understand life.

- John Lennon

W hat really is happiness? Isn’t that the real million-dollar ques-

tion? What is happiness, and what makes you happy?

Lying in your bed in the morning, as you reach for your phone to
snooze your alarm, do you ever have that moment where you pause and
question your actions? “Why am I doing this? Does it really make me
happy?”

On the days when the answer happens to be a, “No,” it can get really
hard to get out of bed and muster the courage to change, get ready on
time, and leave for another day.

For a large part of my life, happiness seemed elusive. Something that

was always within my grasp, but something I could never really get my
hands on. At least not long enough to be able to savour it, and no mat-
ter how long I held on to it, I wanted to have just a bit more time to
spend with it. And yet, I was afraid.

Think of my conception of happiness as a butterfly. I could always see

this beautiful creature flying about the garden on some warm, sunny

50
 DARE TO BE YOU 51

afternoon–fluttering about without a care in the world. Its majestic

wings, so delicate and feeble yet so vibrant and bold, lit up bright by the
glow of the sun.

My inner child would jump up with glee, and chase the butterfly across
the garden, trying so hard to catch it. But, of course, my ‘adult mind’
would kick in as well. Can you imagine a grown man chasing a butter-
fly? The whole scenario almost seems absurd when you try to picture it.

Although, why should it?

Of course, my adult mind brought more than just the worry of how
others would see me and what they would think. Unlike my three-year-
old self, I was acutely aware I could harm the butterfly if I held on too
tightly. On the rare occasion I was able to catch it, and hold on to it
lightly between my hands as I cupped them together, I was afraid I
would suffocate it.

I didn’t want to harm this delicate creature. I wanted to hold it, but not
for too long. So, I would let it go. And then I would wait and hope for
it to come by my garden once again, so I could be reminded of its beau-
ty, and feel the urge to chase it once more.

You see, I was wrong in thinking of happiness as something I could

chase or run after. Happiness isn’t something I need to be afraid of
hurting, in fear it may vanish. Happiness isn’t elusive. And happiness
doesn’t deplete or lose value over time. These were just qualities I had
assigned to it.

So, I turned inwards, and questioned what I actually felt when I

thought of happiness or imagined myself feeling happy. And I realized
it wasn’t happiness that was beyond my reach. It was my approach.

I was afraid of being happy.

52 SHAHZAD MALIK

I can see it now, but I couldn’t realise it back then. I had thought my
fears were only grounded in my concern for what I was losing, or in the
concern for my siblings. What I had not realised was that part of the
emotion was a very real fear of never finding happiness again; or losing
it if I ever did find it. Almost the same way I felt I had lost it when I
found out about my parents’ divorce.

I had become scared of feeling happy, because I thought good things

didn’t last. Think about it. It seems so simple when I write it down, but
it was such a profound realization for me–that I could be afraid of hap-
piness. That I could be afraid of something beautiful, simply because I
was afraid I would lose it. That I would rather not allow myself to feel
it at all than to allow myself to be comfortable being happy.

Can you relate to this too?

Maybe take a look inwards and see what it is you’ve told yourself that
holds you back from achieving happiness?

Let me reframe it for you.

For so long we’ve been taught happiness is an emotion. Biologically and

chemically I have no doubt that it is. Certain chemicals are released in
your body, and, as a consequence, you feel merry and gleeful. But, psy-
chologically, inside you (the actual you), happiness is much more than
just an emotion.

Happiness is a mind-set.

What is the main difference between a mind-set and an emotion? You

can control a mind-set. You can develop a mind-set. You can cultivate
it, and you can practice it.

You can choose to be happy!

 DARE TO BE YOU 53

When Dr. Howard Cutler, an American psychiatrist, wrote about his

interaction with the Dalai Lama, he noted that he had become “... con-
vinced that the Dalai Lama had learned how to live with a sense of ful-
filment and a degree of serenity that [he] had never seen in other peo-
ple.”6 Perhaps because of this, we can see the basis for his conversations
with the Dalai Lama was actually rooted in happiness itself.

And what do you imagine Dr. Cutler found in his conversations?

BEFORE WE GET FURTHER into his discovery, there’s something

else I’ve found very interesting and would like to share with you. Imag-
ine this: you went out last week and you bought yourself a few lottery
tickets. You’re going through a rough patch and buying yourself a
bunch of lottery tickets didn’t seem all that bad an idea–“Let’s see if this
goes anywhere,” you thought to yourself.

And today, as they announce the lottery winners, lo and behold, you
find out you’ve won!

Can you imagine how you would feel?

From being nearly broke you suddenly have millions of dollars in the
bank! All your money woes solved! You know that job you hate? You
can finally quit it. That house you really like? You can buy it! That really
expensive restaurant you’ve always wanted to try out? Well, now you
can! They need you to wear a suit? Go buy one! Buy ten!

Doesn’t it feel good to think about that scenario? As if your dreams

have suddenly come true? As if you can finally have everything you’ve
ever wanted?

Now how do you think you’re going to feel a year from today? Do you
think you’ll still have the same level of euphoria that you do right now?
54 SHAHZAD MALIK

Take a minute and think about it. After an entire year of living like this,
how would you feel? (Hint: the actual answer may surprise you.)

Now, let’s put that on hold for a second, and imagine something
else—in stark contrast to this scenario.

In another part of the world, someone your age goes through a horrific
car crash. It’s terrible, and the doctors have to operate on him right
away. They keep at it for hours on end, trying to save his life. And by
God, they succeed!

But, there’s one small catch.

The driver, though alive, finds out that he’s lost control of both of
his legs. As he wakes up, paralyzed from the waist down, the doctors
solemnly inform him he might never walk again.

He is absolutely gutted. Nothing appeals to him anymore. And he finds

himself slowly sinking down into a depressive spiral. He doesn’t want to
meet anyone, he doesn’t feel like eating, he doesn’t feel like making the
effort to get out of bed... nothing. He lies there questioning why it had
to be him, hating his life, and hating that such a thing had to happen
to him. No one is able to get through to him and he completely shuts
himself out.

It’s absolutely devastating.

Let’s go back to the same question I asked you earlier, and let’s apply it
to this person: how do you think this person is going to feel in a year’s
time?

As it turns out, our brains have a very unique adaptive feature. We

adapt to our circumstances, regardless of whether they are good or bad.
A year from winning the lottery, participants in a study had adapted to
 DARE TO BE YOU 55

the newly acquired money. And on the other hand, the accident vic-
tims, too, had become more accepting of their loss.

What the researchers found was this adaptive behaviour served to bring
all the participants back to (or close to) their baseline level of hap-
piness. That is to say, if someone was very happy before the incident
(good or bad), he pretty much returned to being just as happy. Like-
wise, if someone had always been a grumpy person, then he was right
back to being grumpy again.

We fall back to our baseline level of happiness.7

Think about that for a moment. What it implies, is that we have a base-
line to begin with. Why is that relevant? Having a baseline level of hap-
piness means that happiness is both internally generated and internally
regulated. It’s all inside of us!

Of course, just because something happens internally doesn’t mean it

necessarily finds its way into our consciousness. Being aware, being
mindful, and being conscious in the present moment are attributes we
discussed back in the first chapter; and they apply just as much to this
situation too. After all, it’s no coincidence that it is often said the key to
happiness is a bad memory!

Do you think you could look inside of yourself and find your own base-
line level? Where do you think your baseline level currently lies? Do
you think you can change that?

WHEN I FIRST DISCOVERED that happiness is something inside

of us, I didn’t fully grasp what that meant. I kept going about my life in
much the same way I always had. I was still annoyed in the mornings
on my way to work when I was stuck in a traffic jam or when someone
driving on the road decided it was justified to switch into my lane with-
56 SHAHZAD MALIK

out using a turn signal. I was still upset that my friend took too long to
reply to my messages and that my messages always seemed to be longer
and sincerer than his. I was still angry at the office boy who managed to
spill my coffee every single time he would bring it (“At least he’s consis-
tent in something,” I remember muttering to myself ).

But then one day, it dawned upon me, as I came across the following
quote:

Life is tough. Things happen. It’s how you respond to those

things that determines your personal happiness.

- Charles Orlando

Take a minute and let that sink in.

Happiness isn’t dependent on the things around you. It’s dependent on

you, and how you choose to respond to those things around you.

Perhaps the driver who cut me in traffic was in a rush to get to the hos-
pital where his wife was about to deliver their first child. Perhaps my
friend was going through some problem of his own, and perhaps he was
upset that I kept talking about myself and never reached out to him to
ask him why he was being reclusive. Perhaps the office boy was simply
nervous every time he entered my office, and that anxiety caused his
hands to tremble.

Everyone has a story.

If only we remember that small fact, and remember to empathize with

those around us, we can respond with a little more kindness. In doing
so, we not only save ourselves from needless frustration, we also allow
the other person to feel more at ease with us.
 DARE TO BE YOU 57

YOU MIGHT BE THINKING happiness seems like a very ‘selfish’

trait. After all, if at the end of the day everything is within us, then
maybe we don’t really need other people?

Well, hold up right there.

Harvard concluded an 80-year-long study in 2017 titled the Harvard

Study of Adult Development. This is perhaps one of the most extensive
studies conducted to date, having commenced after the Great Depres-
sion in 1938. During this period, the researchers monitored and closely
followed the lives of not just the initial group of sophomores they start-
ed the study with, but eventually their offspring as well, taking into ac-
count their health, their progress in their jobs and marriages, and so on.
What they found seems very simple, but has the potential to have a pro-
found impact on the way we choose to live our lives.

Robert Waldinger, the director of the study, even went so far as to

remark that, “Loneliness kills ... It’s as powerful as smoking or alco-
holism.”8

That is a very powerful statement; just think about it. On average, a

smoker’s life expectancy is ten years lesser than the average person’s.9 So
if Waldinger’s remarks are anything to go by, loneliness has the capacity
of taking up to ten years off your life! If that doesn’t emphasize the im-
portance of cultivating close, strong and healthy relationships with the
people around you, then I’m not sure what can.

I felt it on a deeply personal level once I came back home for the sum-
mers following my parents’ divorce. When we had been younger, I had
not always been the best older brother to my sisters. But once I was
back this time, I made a very active effort to reach out to them. I com-
municated with them, far more openly than we were used to doing be-
fore. I made it a point to let them know I was there for them, that I was
feeling the hurt as well, and that none of us had to go through it alone.
58 SHAHZAD MALIK

Wonderful things happen when you reach out to the people you love.
Not only did the three of us find happiness in becoming extremely
close, but we also became a necessary support system for each other.
We became reminders that even when things get crazy, and it feels as
though nothing makes much sense, we would still be there for each oth-
er. This feeling of being supported, and being loved, and having some-
one who understood, allowed the three of us to move towards being
happy.

While happiness is indeed a mind-set, and while it can be cultivated by

anyone, what the earlier study also shows is that the right environment,
one that is stable and connected and conducive to self-growth and self-
love, can greatly benefit all of us.

Every relationship requires attention and care, the same way a sapling
needs sunlight, and water and nutrients from the soil. We can only pro-
vide the relationship with what it needs to grow if we are actively pay-
ing attention to it, aware of its needs, and willing to make the effort.

In fact, let’s go back to Dr. Howard Cutler’s experience with the Dalai
Lama. The Dalai Lama explains that happiness is “not a simple thing.”
There are a number of factors that contribute to happiness, which in-
clude “religious or spiritual aspirations,” “good health”, “material facil-
ities, or the wealth that we accumulate” and “friendship, or compan-
ions.”10

And how do you think the Dalai Lama reconciles all of these factors for
happiness?

Now, all of these factors are, in fact, sources of happiness. But

in order for an individual to be able to fully utilize them to-
wards the goal of enjoying a happy and fulfilled life, your state
of mind is key. It’s crucial.11
 DARE TO BE YOU 59

EARLIER ON IN THIS chapter, I talked about how I used to be

afraid of being happy. There is no denying the world we live in is filled
with misery. Regardless of how much we try and ignore it on a day-to-
day basis, the fact holds true. And often when I’d find myself feeling
happy, there would erupt a sudden guilt from within me.

“How can you be happy?” it would question me, “Don’t you know how
many people are out there suffering?”

It did what I never thought was possible: it made me feel guilty about
being happy. Perhaps one of the hardest things I had to learn was to be-
come comfortable with the idea that it was okay to be happy.

That I had a right to be happy.

This applied in more situations than just the voice guilting me about
feeling happy. I could never allow myself to sustain the feeling of happi-
ness. It would come up in short bursts, and it would leave just the same.

Perhaps what I was looking for was not happiness at all. Perhaps it was
pleasure disguising itself as happiness.12 Perhaps it was validation. I
wanted others to grant me the ‘permission’ to feel happy, disguised as
wanting to feel ‘cool’ or ‘in with the times.’ Without their seal of ap-
proval I used to think feeling happy was not possible.

That is how I found the ‘trick’ to happiness: to understand that happi-

ness, the ability to feel it, and the ability to express it, is within our own
selves.

All this time, I was simply looking in the wrong place–no wonder I
could never find it!
60 SHAHZAD MALIK

I was looking for something I had within me all along, and, by denying
it, I was setting myself up for comparison: a perpetual state of trying to
measure up to a better version of something or to someone I considered
to be better than I was, and so on.

Comparisons have no end. Think of them as free refills at a fast-food

restaurant: no matter how much soda you have in your cup, you’re al-
ready thinking about the next cup. As Dr. Cutler jokes, trying to ex-
plain the infinite loop of comparisons and how dangerous they can be
for our mental and emotional well-being, “This tendency seems to sup-
port [the] definition of a wealthy man [as] one whose income is $100 a
year higher than his wife’s sister’s husband.”13

Perhaps there is one person you do need that permission to feel happy
from. And that person is your own self. Your permission is enough, be-
cause you are enough. And those we view as having reached the pinna-
cle of happiness have also had to participate in this process; they too
have undergone the journey.

Now, it’s your turn.

 6
Passion and Purpose

Your time is limited. So don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

- Steve Jobs

J ust as all mighty oaks begin from a tiny seed in the ground, and all
butterflies begin life as caterpillars, great personalities, too, are never
just born that way – they are carefully crafted and moulded to become
the personalities we find ourselves looking up to. Much like a potter,
who begins his art with a lump of clay, or a carpet-weaver, who begins
with little more than strands of thread, a great personality also starts
somewhere small.

But where? Where does such greatness begin? What allows for the
strands of thread to weave themselves in such a particular fashion so as
to end up as an intricate and exquisite Persian rug?

The answer to these seemingly complicated questions is actually not

so complicated at all. The starting point for all great personalities is a
thought, a notion that they want to be more and do more than their
current state.

This thought then slowly builds upon itself and turns into an idea: a
sense of what it is they want to achieve in their lives, a sense of who it is
they want to become, a sense of what it is that will fulfil them.

This idea, in turn, occupies their hearts and minds until it solidifies it-
self into a core belief, this irrefutable knowledge that they are destined
to accomplish what they set out to do.

61
62 SHAHZAD MALIK

The idea forges itself into passion–this drive towards their goal. And
their passionate pursuit of this goal, in turn, is what gives their lives
purpose.

All great people started off as no different than you or me. What sets
them apart, is their unrelenting passion, and the effort and discipline
they put in, consistently, to achieve it.

We’ve all most likely heard Steve Jobs’ famous commencement address.
When I first heard it, I was floored. This man, who had almost single-
handedly revolutionized technology and the digital age, was standing
there, speaking to Stanford’s graduating class of 2005 about how every
single one of his life’s experiences had led him to this particular
point–good and bad alike.

In the afterglow of that address, I knew in my heart and in my soul that

I was capable of something greater. That I, too, could accomplish every-
thing I set my mind to; I only needed to commit myself to it and work
hard to achieve that singular goal.

That was all well and good, but I had no framework to go on; no way to
determine what it was I was passionate about. Jobs had found his pur-
pose relatively early on in his life, leaving college and working out of his
garage to give that passion a tangible form. But I wasn’t so sure of what
I wanted to do with my life.

So, in search of my ‘great goal’, I set out on a path of discovery, trying

new things, gaining new experiences, crossing out the things I didn’t
like, and trying to figure out what it was I wanted to do in life.

“Why am I here?” I often found myself wondering. “In a sea of 7.6 bil-
lion people, what is it that makes me unique? What is it that sets me
apart? What is it that I was sent here to do?”
 DARE TO BE YOU 63

It took me a long time to figure out the answer. Because much like the
answers and questions we’ve discussed thus far, I seemed to be trying
to find the answers in the wrong places–I was trying to find answers
for my own self, outside of myself. I kept looking to the world and the
places and people and the things around me to guide me. I kept looking
outwards, waiting, waiting, waiting to find it somewhere outside of my-
self: somewhere in my education, or for some elder to guide me along
on a path that would lead me to fulfil my dreams, or for a family mem-
ber to ‘guide’ me. Only to realize: that’s not how it works.

Of course, sometimes, outside input can be very helpful, as I found in

the final year of college, when I began to talk to one of my instructors:
Professor Jeffrey Schuman, author of The Rhythm of Business.

Our conversations featured everything from topics relating to business,

leadership, and entrepreneurship, to self-exploration, philosophy, and
ethics. My conversations with him allowed me the first real insight into
who I was and what I wanted to do, because it was the first time I al-
lowed myself to be curious, and to explore.

As Professor Schuman put it, “If you do not ask the right question, you
discover nothing.”

It may well have been easier, of course, to simply align myself with what
he was passionate about, and to choose to follow blindly than to ex-
plore dangerously. As tempting as it sounds, however, adopting some-
one else’s passion as your own simply will not work. Borrowed ‘passion’
can never substitute for your own organic desire, for the goal you set for
yourself.

The reality is as simple as it is profound: we are all here to be nothing

less and nothing more than our own selves. And you, and I, and every-
one around us–we all have to make our own path, regardless of the pres-
64 SHAHZAD MALIK

ence of outside guidance or support. Because we, alone, are responsible

for and in control of charting our destiny.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

- Oscar Wilde

What makes answering the question difficult, aside from a dependence

on external factors, is our mind kicking in and conflating passion with
money, or purpose with fame. Except, that’s not what passion or pur-
pose are about.

Your purpose in life isn’t necessarily going to be something everyone

considers glamorous, and your passion isn’t always going to be some-
thing that will make you rich overnight. You don’t follow through on
your passion because it pays well and you don’t live out your purpose
because it gets you the spotlight.

You do it because it fulfils you.

You do it because it means something to you–because it means more to

you than anything else in the world.

You may have heard the oft-used adage, “Passion is what sets your soul
on fire.” I believe nothing defines it better. Learn to be passionate.
Learn to go after your wildest dreams, to chase your biggest goals, and
to let go of your biggest fears. Seek out what you love, and go for it.

Finding your passion, and finding the love of your life are exactly the
same, and they will give you the exact same feeling in your heart and
in your gut. As with any great love story, you have to put yourself out
there, and you have to seek it, and you have to give it your all.

Your passion will make you feel more alive than you have ever felt. So,
take charge! Take hold of the reins of your life, and direct it on the path
 DARE TO BE YOU 65

of your choosing! Allow yourself to fall in love with what you’re most
passionate about.

The world’s most-adored children’s book-series, Harry Potter, is per-

haps the best example anyone can offer. When J. K. Rowling wrote
Harry Potter, she was “as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain
without being homeless,”14 and was living alone with her daughter after
having gone through a divorce, surviving on benefits provided by the
UK government. Not only was she so penniless that purchasing folders
for sending her manuscript to publishers was a nightmare for her, she
was also struggling with depression.

But she braved on.

Despite all the hues and cries of how writing could never allow her to
support herself or earn a living, she persisted. She wrote on anything
she could find, from notebooks to napkins at coffee shops.

You might imagine the drudgery ended there. That I will now tell
you she wrote her manuscript, compiled it, sent it, and got the break-
through we know as Harry Potter. That, however, wasn’t the case at
all. After all her hard work and effort, the publishers put her down,
and Rowling was met with numerous rejections. She, however, was not
ready to give up on her dream, and it wasn’t until Bloomsbury accepted
her manuscript that we were introduced to the magical world of Harry
Potter.

Who would have thought at the time it would eventually grow to be-
come so much more than a series of books? A story for so many of us to
relate to, a complete parallel world that most of us have lost ourselves in
countless times over. A true phenomenon. Who would have thought?

Harry Potter’s world may be fictional, but Rowling’s story is very real.
It is equally magical and inspirational: a story of determination, will-
66 SHAHZAD MALIK

power, self-belief, and the resolve to follow through on her passion, re-
gardless of circumstances and anyone else’s opinions.

Large-scale commercial successes that we see today weren’t always this

way. An ‘overnight success’ is almost never so. Every single venture took
its start somewhere, and the founders of those ventures were no more
confident or talented than you or I–and it is crucial to not lose sight
of that. To know that with hard work and determination, we, too, can
achieve similar feats.

Apple is another such example that comes to mind. Founded out of

Steve Jobs’ garage, Apple wasn’t always the instantly recognizable brand
it is now. It was Steve Jobs’ vision and Steve Wozniak’s technical skills
that got Apple on the map. But what a lot of people don’t know is that
there was a third co-founder as well–Ronald Wayne.

While Jobs and Wozniak overcame their fear of failure with their need
to give shape to their passion, Wayne gave into the fear of failure and
let it weaken his resolve. He soon dropped out of the partnership they
had initially forged together, to become the one co-founder we almost
never hear about.

Jobs, on the other hand, was driven relentlessly by his passion–to dis-
rupt the status-quo of technology as we knew it and to incorporate
aesthetically pleasing design into our usage of technology. And do you
know what he did? He did just that.

Even after Jobs got unceremoniously thrown out of Apple, he kept at

it–creating a new company called NeXT, giving his old company, the
one he founded, a run for their money. At that point in time, Jobs could
have chosen to step back and think he had failed. He could have chosen
to blame himself, or external factors, or to wallow in regret. But he did
none of those things.
 DARE TO BE YOU 67

He refused to give up. He refused to accept he had failed until he had

tried with everything he had.

What happened next? Apple not only bought NeXT, but also brought
back Steve Jobs... as the CEO! And, as they say, the rest was history.

The reward, you see, of following your passion is nothing less than infi-
nite success. Robin Sharma describes ‘success’ as “... being in the process
of joyfully creating a life that reflects your highest values, your deepest
beliefs and your greatest dreams.”15 Success isn’t how we’ve allowed it
to be depicted to us: the money, the lifestyle, the fame. That’s not what
success is all about. Perhaps, we could say, that is just one type of suc-
cess.

You define what being successful means to you. By today’s standards,

Mother Teresa, one of the greatest humanitarians to ever walk this
earth, might never be deemed successful. By these standards we’d never
think of great leaders such as Nelson Mandela, or Martin Luther King
Jr., or Mahatma Gandhi as having been successful–and that could not
be farther from the truth. All of these people remain inspirations, and
all of them have played their part in making this world a better place to
live in.

What is it that made them so? What is it that unites them in their
struggles and in their achievements?

Their ability to dare to pursue their dreams.

Money and fame should never be considerations when figuring out

your passion–they are temporary. Even if you talk to a successful busi-
nessman or an entrepreneur, they’ll tell you what drives them is not the
money–it is the thrill of seeing their hard work and effort translate into
new deals, successful negotiations, and, above all, satisfied clients.
68 SHAHZAD MALIK

Money and fame are the by-products of pursuing your passion. In and
of themselves, neither can fulfil you. And running after something that
is fleeting will only ever be exhausting.

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live
out your purpose, and to do it courageously.

- Steve Maraboll

The Japanese go a step beyond passion and talk about Ikigai which is
more than a goal you work towards–it is a lifestyle, and, as the French
call it, your raison d’être (reason to be alive).

Image 1 The Japanese concept of Ikigai16

 DARE TO BE YOU 69

IKIGAI IS FOUND AT the intersection of what you’re good at, what

you love doing, what the world needs, and what you can monetize. For
most of us, Ikigai is the dream goal we seek to achieve.

The only way to get there is to, first and foremost, identify and give ex-
pression to your passion–to find your voice. And only once you have
that voice, that singular determination and knowledge of what it is
your heart desires, can you step out to convert your passion into Ikigai.
Then, you can transform the pursuit of your dream into your lifestyle...
into your very reason for being.

And so, your passion begets your purpose.

I IMAGINE YOU’RE PROBABLY still thinking to yourself, “That’s

all well and good. But how do I go about figuring out my passion? How
do I draw it out from within myself ?”

To help with those questions, I present to you a very simple exercise.

There is, however, a small catch. While you carry out this exercise, you
have to make sure of one thing–that you stay true to yourself. So, find a
quiet corner for yourself, and let’s begin.

I want you to close your eyes, and think ten, twenty years down the
road. Here’s the scenario: you have everything you’ve ever wanted.
You’re financially stable. You no longer have to worry about paying the
bills, or your children’s education, or your spouse’s shopping sprees, or
donating to that charitable cause that’s close to your heart–it’s all sort-
ed out. If it’s a great house you’ve wanted, you have it. If it’s a new car
you’ve wanted, you’re driving it. If it’s fame you’ve sought, you have it.

Everything is in place.

Believe it. Embrace it.

70 SHAHZAD MALIK

Everything is exactly how you’ve always wanted it to be.

When you close your eyes, I want you to live through an entire day
in this version of your life. Where everything is taken care of, and you
have no monetary concerns, what does a regular day look like for you?
What do you find yourself doing?

When you wake up:

What kind of room is it?

Is it the same room you wake up in right now?

How is it decorated?

Are there any pictures on display?

Is there anyone there with you?

Do you have a pet?

When you have your breakfast:

What does your kitchen look like?

Are you in the same place you’re living in right now?

What does your breakfast look like?

When you go to work:

Are you working from home?

Are you travelling somewhere?

How are you commuting?

Are you in a car?

 DARE TO BE YOU 71

What type of vehicle is it?

Are you driving yourself ?

How are you dressed?

What are you doing on the way to your office?

When you step into your office:

What does the office look like?

What is your designation at the office?

What does the office culture feel like?

Are you in a formal setting or an informal one?

What can you see out the window?

When your day is at its peak:

Are you busy with meetings?

Are you making any phone calls?

Are you giving any interviews?

What do your clients look like?

What are you doing during the day?

How are you taking a breather?

What does your desk look like?

Can you spot anything you have on your desk?

What does your chair feel like?

72 SHAHZAD MALIK

When you get done with work:

Where are you heading?

Are you going for a run?

Are you meeting someone?

Maybe grabbing a movie?

Or just going home?

When you find yourself back in bed:

How is your day?

What are you doing throughout?

Is there anything you’re doing differently?

Is there anything you’re doing apart from your work?

Perhaps you find yourself working on a painting, or writing a book, or

brainstorming new ventures with colleagues. Maybe you took up that
Pilates class you’ve always wanted to take, or you’re finally learning how
to swim. Maybe your morning starts with a regimented exercise rou-
tine. Maybe you’re eating healthier than you are now. Maybe your day
ends with a long bath to help you unwind and relax.

Perhaps you don’t have an office. Perhaps you spend your day teaching
in an underprivileged school, and your evenings are spent providing re-
medial lessons to the children who don’t grasp the content in the first
go. Perhaps you just have a quick shower and there is no long-drawn
bath in your vision.

What really matters is that you’re doing what you love.

 DARE TO BE YOU 73

Because this visual–this is how you perceive your life to be once you’ve
‘made it.’ This is how you define ‘success’ for yourself.

In a world that is designed to confuse you and pull you in a myriad di-
rections, take control and simplify it. The answer we seek is often right
within our reach; we just need to look in the right place. Once we find
the answer, we need to remember that all we have is the present mo-
ment. Our time, our energy, and our effort are the greatest investments
we can make.

Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of

other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions
drown out your inner voice. And most importantly, have the
courage to follow your [own] heart and intuition.17

- Steve Jobs
 7
Self-Belief

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses–behind the

lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance
under those lights.

- Muhammad Ali

P lans. We all have them. We find our passion, we define our goals,
we map out everything we need to do to achieve them, we make
our to-do lists, we map out our new-year resolutions, and everything
seems to be in place. But somewhere along the way, we tend not to be
able to follow through. I know I often do.

It often feels like a bad slump when it happens, where I find my produc-
tivity taking a direct hit. And it seems an uphill struggle to get myself
out of that ‘funk’ to get back to doing everything I need to do.

Over the years, through trying, testing, and experience, and learning
about the very skills and tips that we’ve gone over in this very book,
I came to realize that this ‘slump’, too, is surmountable. And... you
guessed it: the only thing that ever manages to hold me back is my own
self.

Every time I have found myself in a slump, it has been the same emo-
tions and the same feelings. The most prominent of these has always
been the feeling of not being good enough. This voice in the back of
my head that would keep whispering, “You can’t do this,” or “You’re
not good enough,” or “What if you fail?” (Of course, sometimes such
thoughts come first, and the slump follows suit, as a direct consequence
74
 DARE TO BE YOU 75

of getting trapped in the vicious cycles of my thoughts.) What I would

be left with at the end of it would be little more than a gaping sense of
inadequacy.

It’s the feeling you have when you want to do something, and though
your heart is set on it, you can’t seem to find the confidence or muster
the willpower to actually go through with it. Almost as if the impact of
gravity doubles and you can’t get up and get going.

The very first question we need to tackle is: what do we do when our
own brain keeps telling us we’re not as good as we’d like to believe we
are?

We figure out where this thought comes from.

In the very first chapter, we discussed how our brain loves to churn out
thoughts. In fact, that seems to be the one thing our brain is most pre-
occupied with. In the case of self-doubt, our brain becomes our own
enemy.

Similarly, we talked about fear in Chapter 3. Well, self-doubt is the

same as fear, except it is fear turned inwards. It is fear of the outcome of
our own actions. It is fear of misjudging our own ability. It is a fear of,
“What if ?”

I want you to notice one very important fact. The premise of this fear,
this self-doubt, is something that has not even occurred. The fear is pro-
visional in nature. It depends upon an outcome which may take place
at some point in the future. Our brain, of course, convinces us that it
is basing this self-doubt on some past event, and the reason this self-
doubt exists is because our brain has run some complicated algorithm
extrapolating from our previous experiences.
76 SHAHZAD MALIK

But the fact of the matter remains that none of this matters. None of
this matters because our brain is heaving us with the load of our past to
carry into your future.

It is important for us to remember to ground ourselves in the here and

now–in the present moment and the current environment (I must sure-
ly sound like a broken clock, but it really is that important!).

It is okay to put down the load you’ve been carrying from your past.

If you keep carrying the load from your past, if you keep feeding the
self-doubt that you feel crawling up on you, you are bound to fall down.
And we don’t want that. I know because I have been there. I have been
at a point where constant self-doubt held me back from living a full
life. Where, under the garb of self-doubt, I held my own self back from
achieving my true potential.

This, right now, this is the moment where you let it go.

Who you are right now is not who you have been in the past. We hu-
mans are in a continuous state of evolution: learning, changing, grow-
ing. Every moment we are moving towards becoming better versions of
ourselves. In those better versions of ourselves we need to let go of the
fear we have come to believe is intrinsic to our existence. It is not.

Who we are is bigger than the self-doubt that holds us back!

WHERE DOES THIS SELF-doubt come from anyway? Why do we

feel we’re not ‘good enough’?

To start, just the term ‘good enough’ implies a comparison. The self-
doubt exists because we’re in this constant state of comparison. We
don’t even have to look around ourselves to find reasons or bench-
marks—they are thrust upon us every single day with our increasing
 DARE TO BE YOU 77

involvement in social media, and with marketing gurus pushing ad-

vertisements into our consciousness (that are aimed at letting us know
we’re almost there but not quite ‘there’ yet). What this does is put us in
a constant state of trying to get ‘there,’ except we don’t even know what
or where ‘there’ is. Every single time we feel we’re ‘there’ the goalposts
are shifted–just one more purchase, just one more degree, just one more
achievement...

You might find yourself thinking, this doesn’t seem like a fair game to
play. And you’re right. It isn’t. Much like a claw machine at the arcade,
the game is rigged against us, the player, and there is no way to win at a
game where the finish line keeps moving farther and farther away.

Of course, this is not an excuse for us to simply sit back and say, “I’m
perfect the way I am; the game is rigged, and there is nothing I can do
about it.” That would be defeatist of us, and we’re not here to settle!
We’re here to be the best version of ourselves!

The only shift we need is realizing we must be the best version accord-
ing to our metric, and no one else’s.

How do we do that?

The first step towards self-improvement is self-awareness and accep-

tance. Both of these qualities go hand-in-hand, and we cannot hope to
reap the benefits of one without the other. We’ve talked a lot about self-
awareness, so let’s focus a little more on self-acceptance.

To accept ourselves as we are, is a courageous act. To be able to look

at ourselves and be kind to ourselves, to see ourselves for who we truly
are and to be okay with it, is nothing short of being bold. To look at
ourselves independent of society’s microscope is liberating. As Eckhart
Tolle, a spiritual teacher, puts it, “Attention does not mean that you
start thinking about it. It means to just observe the emotion, to feel it
78 SHAHZAD MALIK

fully, and so to acknowledge and accept it as it is ... Attention is the key

to transformation–and full attention also implies acceptance.”18

Looking within ourselves, we may find we are not good or bad, compe-
tent or unable. We find that we simply are. So we must learn to disso-
ciate who we are as a person from our actions. Suppose I accidentally
spill coffee all over my laptop because, distracted by a message on my
phone, I was careless putting my mug down. How we usually respond
to such an event is to jump to labelling ourselves. “I can’t believe it, I’m
so careless. Who spills coffee on their laptop?”

Interestingly, a lot of us do it.

How unfair is it of me to jump to defining myself based on one act?

To label myself based on (less than) five seconds of my life? The act it-
self may have been careless, but the act does not transform me into a
careless person. Similarly, one untoward act does not make me bad, and
choking up during a presentation does not make me an incompetent
loser.

We are humans and not items on a supermarket shelf. And yet, we rush
to label ourselves almost as if we are nothing but. Our lives are complex
and messy, and we can’t try and fit everything into binary categories.
That’s just us being unfair to ourselves. And one key component of ac-
ceptance is understanding this: we are greater than the sum of our parts.

To be accepting of ourselves, we must be ready to forgive ourselves. We

actively hold back acceptance from becoming a part of our lives because
we also hold back gratitude and self-forgiveness from entering.

For most of us, we are our own biggest critics. We continuously beat
ourselves up over the slightest mistake we make, but we forget to cel-
ebrate our victories along the way, holding ourselves back for that one
big, final victory. In the same way society keeps shifting the goalpost,
 DARE TO BE YOU 79

we keep shifting what such a victory means to us. We place a condition

on our self-acceptance. “I will be okay with myself if I achieve that.”
We take back control from our environment, yet proceed to entrap our-
selves in the rat-race all the same.

After having witnessed a messy divorce up close, and having shared in

the hurt it had caused my parents, I was afraid I would lose the good I
found in my life. Part and parcel of this was the fear I would one day
marry someone, and they would leave me.

I vowed to myself never to let that happen. I would not let what had
happened to my parents happen to me and whomever I married.

Except, lo and behold, that’s exactly what happened. My marriage last-

ed a total of ten months. After countless efforts to try and make it work,
I came home one day to find she had moved out. She had packed up all
of her belongings, and had left while I was still away.

I vividly remember that moment. It took me a while after I entered

the house to fully grasp what had happened. You imagine such mo-
ments to be full of chaos, but, as I already knew from experience, the
reality is quite different. Everything goes silent. Even the first few tears
that rolled down my cheeks were quiet; noiseless. And then, when the
breakdown came, it was the sound of my sobbing that broke the silence.

Once again, it felt as though everything around me had come crashing

down. Everything I had built up within me—courage, determination,
willpower—everything seemed to fall apart. I had failed to save my
marriage from suffering the same fate as my parents’. If anything, that
moment felt like the actualisation of my strongest fear.

What is extremely easy to lose sight of in such moments is gratitude. To

be grateful for who we are, what we do have, and how far we’ve come.
80 SHAHZAD MALIK

Let me put it this way: suppose you’re building a new house, and you
set the deadline for completion a year away. If you allow yourself to be
grateful only when the house is ‘complete,’ then you’re going to be wait-
ing a long time. Even when everything is finished, your mind will find
some crack that needs to be filled, some light fitting that needs to be
changed, or some wall that might look better in a different shade.

It never ends.

Suppose that, instead, you broke the timeline down into smaller time-
lines. What about when the first brick is laid? Maybe when the first
wall goes up? Perhaps when the first ceiling is put in? Each of those
stages are great reminders of how far you’ve come. And we can surely
be grateful about each of those milestones. Life can get frustrating, and
in those times of frustration it is always a good idea to be appreciative
of everything we already have and all that we have achieved.

And it was gratitude that helped me pick myself back up. I had already
been changing the way I approached things for a while now by practis-
ing on incorporating some of the lessons I’m hoping to share with you
through this very book.

It was this active, continued effort that allowed me to get my bearings

back. To be grateful for the time we had gotten to spend together. To
be grateful for everything she had taught me. And to be grateful our di-
vorce was, for the most part, relatively amicable.

Try this yourself ! Every day, for the next week, make a habit of listing
down five things you are grateful for the moment you wake up. Just five.
The list could have anything from the shirt you bought the day before,
to your family, to the song you discovered last night, to your health.
There is nothing too small or too big to be grateful for. The only hurdle
is acknowledging the gratitude. This might seem like an exercise in fu-
tility, but it isn’t. Research has shown that those of us who live life with
 DARE TO BE YOU 81

gratitude and who seek reasons to be grateful actually find themselves

happier. As Harvard Health puts it, “Gratitude helps people feel more
positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal
with adversity, and build strong relationships.”19

In similar fashion, we must allow ourselves to become more forgiving.

Nothing good comes out of anger and frustration. As Buddha put it
beautifully, “Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other per-
son to die.” If we can learn to forgive other people, why then can we not
extend the same courtesy to our own selves?

Suppose you stayed up all night preparing for a test the next day. Per-
haps it was a presentation at work, and you were expected to give it
your all because a very important deal depended on how well you man-
aged to deliver. Suppose on the actual day, you weren’t able to do as well
as you would have liked.

What is your first reaction?

In my case, the default first reaction often had been to start maiming
myself, “I’m such a failure! I couldn’t even do this right!”

If you find yourself doing something similar, then here is where it is

crucial to take a step back. To pause, take a breath, and reflect from a
position of being grounded in the present. To recognize that you gave
it your best shot, and there was little else you could have done. To ac-
knowledge that you are human, and there is a plethora of factors that
play a part in such a situation, and for you to simply malign yourself in
such a manner, for you to blame yourself so harshly, is unfair to your-
self. It’s almost cruel. Because it implies a disregard of all the effort
you’ve put in, and all the sacrifices you’ve made to reach that point.

That is precisely what I had to tell myself. I had to stand back, and look
at the situation as a third person. In doing so, I managed to give myself
82 SHAHZAD MALIK

permission to let go of the guilt I had started clinging to. I knew I had
given it my best. I knew I had gone out of my way with certain things.
But I also found myself having to acknowledge that it would perhaps
never have worked out. And helping myself understand that this was
nothing like my parents’ divorce.

There are a number of reasons for why it was different. And sometimes,
when we allow ourselves to get caught up in the labels, we narrow our
perspective to no longer account for the nuances, not realising that is
where the true story remains hidden.

Self-forgiveness and gratitude go hand in hand for a reason. To be able

to break the eventual ‘victory’ into smaller victories not only allows you
to be more grateful for what you have, but also allows you to leave room
for forgiveness. To allow yourself the space to be human. So what if this
didn’t go your way? So what if this didn’t turn out how you wanted it
to? We take the lessons we can, and we carry on. For otherwise, we en-
danger enslaving ourselves to our past, and letting it dictate our future
actions.

ONE OF THE DIRECT CONSEQUENCES of a lack of gratitude

and self-forgiveness is the hit our confidence takes. We begin to ques-
tion whether we can ever pass the test or ace the presentation. And we
convince ourselves we can’t.

Another consequence is how we have, in our lives, become narcissistic.

Earlier in this chapter, we talked about what it means to be ‘good
enough’ and how, in today’s world, our scale of ‘enough’ is determined
by a constant state of comparison. Life has become this competition of
trying to out-do the next person.

One of the issues with this scenario, though, is that we are seldom com-
paring ourselves to other people. What we are actually doing is com-
 DARE TO BE YOU 83

paring our actual lives with our perceptions of other people’s lives based
on the information they choose to share with us. And if there is one
universally accepted fact about social media, it is that almost everyone
tries to present their life through a filter–one that makes their life look
brighter, happier or more successful than it actually is.

The other issue is the comparison itself. Let’s face it: only we can live
our own lives. No one else can do it for us. And, in much the same way,
we can’t live anyone else’s life. All our lives are unique–each life has its
own set of circumstances and challenges, its own journey, and its own
victories. For us to define ‘success’ in terms of someone else’s life is sim-
ply unfair to our own life.

For someone struggling with clinical depression, getting out of bed in

the morning and taking a shower is nothing short of a victory. For
someone struggling with diet-induced obesity, being able to go one
week without any soda is a victory. Success is always relative. And its
relativity does not depend upon what others are doing, it depends on
our own life’s situation and constraints and our approach to them.

To break free of our mind, we need to allow ourselves to become more

aware of who we are and how we feel, rather than to get caught up in a
blind and mindless game of comparison. All we are bound to get from
such a game is dissatisfaction and frustration. Whereas, looking inward,
in the present moment, we allow ourselves the freedom to unapologet-
ically be ourselves, with all our achievements and all our experiences,
and to recognize that we are but works in progress.

Letting go of the labels we so often rush towards allows us to be free in

the present moment to exercise our choices, to make decisions, and to
do what self-doubt prevents us from—action.

These actions don’t have to be grand, and these decisions don’t have to
be life-or-death. Deciding not to hit snooze on your alarm clock is just
84 SHAHZAD MALIK

as important as acting on the same decision; the action that follows, in

turn, completes this cycle for us. Imagine having your first achievement
of the day locked in before you’ve even gotten out of bed!

Sometimes, these decisions and actions are geared not towards achieve-
ment, but towards lifting ourselves out of a slump, and getting ourselves
back onto the track, for one more try. And if that doesn’t work, then
one more try after that. And then one more after that.

There is no loss in trying, and there is no shame in trying again. Some-

times that can be enough to allow ourselves to act, and to give it all
we’ve got.

It’s the little things that go a long way. Small decisions that empower
the larger decisions. Tiny moments of gratitude that inspire sincere joy.
Silent instances of self-forgiveness that allow us to grow. But we can’t
harness the true potential of these incidents unless we’re paying atten-
tion and are ready to acknowledge them. Having the discipline to turn
these small acts into conscious habits allows for a life-changing experi-
ence.

Mark Twain said, “Continuous improvement is better than delayed

perfection.” So, I ask you again, what are you waiting for?

Let go of the past!

Believe in yourself !

You’re not expected to be perfect. All you have to do is give it a shot.

Allow yourself to go from being your greatest critic to being your great-
est supporter. You might be surprised at all the great things that are
simply waiting for your permission to happen.
 8
Being You

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

- Lao Tzu

I n today’s world, fuelled by our non-stop connectivity, we often find

ourselves glued to our mobile devices. Shifting from one conversa-
tion to the other as we scroll aimlessly through a never-ending social
media feed, even while sitting in the company of actual people. It’s the
first thing we do when we wake up, and often the last thing we do be-
fore we go to sleep. Before we even read the message, just the vibration
of our phone or the beep of the notification is enough to get us ‘salivat-
ing’. We see a picture of a bag we like or an outfit that would look simply
perfect on us, and we begin yearning for it. Our own psychology be-
trays us for want of convenience and pleasure.

If you find inspiration outside of yourself, you give it the power to be-
come your stimulus, requiring it in order to work on yourself. And the
instant you take away that stimulus, you also take away your response
to it.

Imagine you keep waiting to find the ‘right’ person. Imagine thinking
you’ll become the best version of yourself for this person. You imagine
you’ll start waking up on time, eating right, getting some exercise in,
putting your best foot forward at work. Imagine you find this ‘right’
person. Imagine they enter your life, and you make all the changes you
wanted to make. But, a year later, they leave. And, in so doing, they take
with them the motivation you had given yourself (on their account) to
become better?
85
86 SHAHZAD MALIK

The loop continues. It feels painful to just imagine such a situation. But
there is a silver lining to this. The realization that you... you are the one
constant companion you will always have. You are all the motivation
you need.

You are the ‘right’ person!

I know it gets hard to remember that sometimes. After all, everywhere

we turn there are false identities disguised as advertisements, trying to
sell something or the other–the dress that will make us look attractive,
the gadget that will do everything for us, the shades that will make us
stand out, the watch that will define our personality, the perfume that
will find us love, the food that will bring us happiness... and it never
ends.

But what we’re looking for–that wholesome fulfilment inside our

souls—we can’t find that in advertisements and externally generated af-
firmations.

These false identities keep meeting their purpose by continuously mak-

ing us feel inadequate (after all, if we had everything, we wouldn’t really
need to buy more, would we?). They remain geared at trying to sell us
on that one more thing that will make our life ‘complete’. But we know
it’s not true. We know it because we’ve fallen for the trap and we’ve ex-
perienced it first-hand a number of times. Yet, each time, we keep go-
ing back for more, in hopes that this time, we’ll receive the reward we’re
looking for. And each time, it just doesn’t happen.

This isn’t who we are though. This isn’t who you are. This is not your
purpose. None of this is. You are so much more. So what if you didn’t
get as many ‘likes’ on your picture? So what if you don’t have the latest
phone? So what if you’re not at the concert your friends are at? So
what?
 DARE TO BE YOU 87

You must be careful to not look for the ‘reward’ in all the wrong places.
You can’t find inner satisfaction from outside of yourself. You have to
let go of the beliefs inside you that limit you and hold you back.

From here on out, create a robust structure for yourself. A regimen that
reminds you to stay grounded in the here and now, to stay mindful, and
to be able to discern fact (how things actually are) from fiction (how
your mind tells you those things are). Any large goal can seem absolute-
ly daunting, and so you simply break it down into smaller mini-goals:
small, incremental steps you need to take to find your way to the larger
goal.

Focus on shedding your fears, while knowing that you are not invulner-
able. You let go of the past because you know you can no longer change
it, and you let go of the future because you know you cannot control it.
So you remain in this hallowed moment, this window of the present.

One step at a time, you soldier on, and you move to become your own
hero.

Success is never instantaneous. Change is never immediate. You need

to see the journey through to get to your destination. But that first
step? That first step, you can take right now. And, regardless of how
long it takes you to reach the destination, you can surely marvel at the
beauty of the journey itself.

Yes, you will be met with roadblocks. Yes, you will hit bumps in the
road. Yes, you might find yourself surrounded by traffic that seems to
be headed where you are.

But your journey isn’t about the other people on the road–it’s about
your own self. You will learn to cross the roadblocks, and you will learn
to straighten yourself out again after a bump. Sometimes, you might al-
so have to step out of your comfort zone, and take a path you haven’t
been down before—one that isn’t nicely paved, or as wide as the main
88 SHAHZAD MALIK

boulevard, but one that is the only path that will take you where you
need to go. Regardless of what the journey looks like, take it one step at
a time, and don’t stop: just keep going.

If you take one thing away from this book, let it be the knowledge that
you are enough. You, exactly as you are, with your flaws and your im-
perfections, with your strengths and your weaknesses, are enough. You,
who have come this far, are enough!

You have a heart that beats to keep you alive, and a soul that feels with
the force of the galaxy, and a mind that can be your best ally if you let
it. You have all the tools at your disposal to be whoever or whatever you
wish to be, and to live your life however you choose.

And even if you shy away from accepting it, I know you have dreams. I
know you have passion, and I know you have a vision.

So, breathe in; and, as you exhale, exhale your fears and your worries,
vaporised and carried away by your breath. Look at yourself in the mir-
ror and know that you are enough. Feel that you are enough, and don’t
let that sneaky voice from the shadows of your mind convince you oth-
erwise. Give yourself a smile. Relax your shoulders. Be more forgiving
towards yourself–you will make mistakes and you will slip every now
and then, and that’s okay. What matters is that every time you do slip,
you dust yourself off and get back up, back to your journey.

Back to mindfully working towards your goal, one step at a time.

You don’t need anyone else’s permission. Everything you require is al-
ready within you. Tap into it. Harness it. Know that you are enough.
Know that you are unique and exceptional, and that you’ve truly got
this under control. Envision your life how you want it to be.

Believe in yourself !
 DARE TO BE YOU 89

Be yourself, unapologetically, and go, live your life!

It’s the only one you have.

90
 DARE TO BE YOU 91

References
1 JV Chamary, ‘‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Finally Explains the Force’
(Forbes, 6 January 2018) <https://www.forbes.com/sites/jvchamary/
2018/01/06/star-wars-last-jedi-force/#6083e09e7a321> last accessed
5 June 2019.

2 JV Chamary, ‘‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Finally Explains the Force’
(Forbes, 6 January 2018) <https://www.forbes.com/sites/jvchamary/
2018/01/06/star-wars-last-jedi-force/#6083e09e7a322> last accessed
5 June 2019.

3 See Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Namaste Publishing, 2004).

4 Don Joseph Goewey, ’85 Percent of What We Worry About Never

Happens’ (Huffington Post, 7 December 2017) <https://www.huff-
post.com/entry/85-of-what-we-worry-about_n_8028368> last ac-
cessed 5 June 2019.

5 See Herman Hesse, Siddharta (Penguin Classics, 2002).

6 His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C Culter, The Art of Hap-

piness: A Handbook for Living (Yellow Kite, 2017) xiii.

7 Dan Gilbert, ‘The surprising science of happiness’ (TED, 2004)

<https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy>
last accessed 5 June 2019.

1. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jvchamary/2018/01/06/star-wars-last-jedi-
force/#a5c02393e59c943d6a75a9241140faca36083e09e7a32
2. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jvchamary/2018/01/06/star-wars-last-jedi-
force/#a5c02393e59c943d6a75a9241140faca36083e09e7a32
92 SHAHZAD MALIK

8 Robert Waldinger quoted in Liz Mineo, ‘Good genes are nice, but
joy is better’ (The Harvard Gazette, 11 April 2017) <https://news.har-
vard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-
has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/> last ac-
cessed 5 June 2019.

9 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, ‘Smoking & Tobacco

Use: Fast Facts’ <https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/
fact_sheets/fast_facts/index.htm> last accessed 5 June 2019.

10 His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C Culter, The Art of Hap-

piness: A Handbook for Living (Yellow Kite, 2017) 13.

11 His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C Culter, The Art of Hap-

piness: A Handbook for Living (Yellow Kite, 2017) 13.

12 See His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C Culter, The Art of

Happiness: A Handbook for Living (Yellow Kite, 2017) 20-24.

13 His Holiness The Dalai Lama and Howard C Culter, The Art of Hap-

piness: A Handbook for Living (Yellow Kite, 2017) 12.

14Harvard Magazine, ‘J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commence-

ment’ (YouTube, 15 September 2011) <https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=wHGqp8lz36c> last accessed 5 June 2019.

15Robin Sharma, Be Extraordinary: The Greatness Guide Book Two

(HarperElement, 2008) 186.

16 Chris Myers, ‘How to Find Your Ikigai and Transform Your Outlook

on Life and Business’ (Forbes, 23 February 2018)

<https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrismyers/2018/02/23/how-to-
 DARE TO BE YOU 93

find-your-ikigai-and-transform-your-outlook-on-life-and-busi-
ness/#254904e92ed43> last accessed 5 June 2019.

17 Stanford, ‘Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address’

(YouTube, 7 March 2008) <https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc> last accessed 5 June 2019.

18 Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Namaste Publishing, 2004)

119-120.

19 ‘Giving thanks can make you happier’ (Harvard Health Publishing)

<https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-
make-you-happier> last accessed 5 June 2019.

3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrismyers/2018/02/23/how-to-find-your-ikigai-and-transform-
your-outlook-on-life-and-business/#a5c02393e59c943d6a75a9241140faca3254904e92ed4
94 SHAHZAD MALIK

About the Author

Born in Toronto, Canada, and raised in Lahore, Pakistan, Shahzad Ma-
lik is passionate about composing the perfect melody and empowering
those around him to move towards a more conscious, action-oriented,
and fulfilling life.

Dare to be You is his first book.