Running head: ONLINE INFIDELITY AND RELATIONSHIPS 1

How Does Online Infidelity Affect Relationships?

How Does Online Infidelity Affect Relationships?

Relationships have been around for as long as human beings have been on the planet.

Some of the relationships were out of necessity, while others were a choice between

individuals. Modern advancements in technology and the widespread use of the internet makes

it simple for people to form friendships, romances, and even business partnerships. While

access to modern technology has been positive and beneficial in forming and keeping

relationships, it also has the potential to ignite love affairs. The considerable amount of debate
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as to what actually defines online infidelity has been settled by well-known psychologist Monica

Whitty (2008) in that cyber-sex is, in fact, cheating. The participants in her study considered

online emotional intimacy with another person to be the ultimate betrayal. The question left to

answer now, is how are the actions of an online love affair, whether it be emotional and/or

sexual, affecting offline relationships?

Like offline affairs, those that take place over the internet involve secrecy and lies that

can potentially destroy the trust that keeps the relationship together. A study by psychologist

Jennifer Schneider (2012) and her colleagues for the Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity journal

gives further insight into the damaging and emotional impacts of those affected by online

infidelity. In analyzing the data of the 34 participants in committed relationships and victims of

online infidelity, 30 participants felt that their partners' behavior has negatively impacted their

offline relationships. Most reported a loss of trust due to their partners' deception as some

participants state, “‘I cannot trust him at all,’ and ‘Trust has been SHATTERED beyond belief’”

(Schneider, 2012, p. 130). Schneider’s (2012) study confirms that a great deal of emotional

trauma and distrust is experienced by the affected partner and her findings have been similar to

other researchers.

Among other researchers who have examined online infidelity are licensed marriage and

family therapists Jaclyn Cravens, Kaitlin Leckie, and Jason Whiting (2013). In an article

published in the Contemporary Family Therapy journal, they analyze 90 stories written by the

affected partners on the website FacebookCheating.com. The study highlights an emotional

process model of which the victim undergoes when dealing with such situations. It revealed

strong reactions in the discovery phase of their partners’ Facebook infidelity, reporting most

participants “going through a diverse array of emotional experiences and uncertainty about the

future of the relationship” (Cravens, 2013, p. 87). Feelings of devastation, violation of trust,

shock, and anger were some of the arrays of emotions stated to be experienced by the
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aggrieved partner. The study finds that learning about a partner’s Facebook infidelity behaviors

is a complex and emotional process.

Diving deeper into the complex and emotional process, Professors Gabriel Cavaglion

and Etty Rashty (2010) from Ashkelon Academic College, School of Social Work explored the

idea of ambivalent emotions and ambiguous loss. Their qualitative study looked into the

experiences of Italian women dealing with their partners' problematic online sexual behaviors.

The narrative analysis took 1,130 messages written by these women from two self-help online

forums. Data analysis showed patterns of distress, mainly related to ambivalent emotions and

ambiguous loss. These women feel as if their deceitful partners are “physically present but

psychologically absent” (Cavaglion, 2010, p. 277) from the relationship, leaving them helpless

and likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and further conflicts in their relationships. This

state of perplexity is experienced as they are left confused and in complete shock as to how and

why this is happening to them. This finding plays to be true in other research studies as they try

to identify the effects of a virtual affair.

A recent study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy by psychologist

Andreas Vossler and Naomi Moller (2020) made a similar conclusion. Their study involved

surveying 160 mature adults with long histories of being in a relationship and with personal

experiences of online infidelity. This thematic analysis brought to light an interesting finding

surrounding the idea of “the internet creates confusion” (Vossler, 2020, p. 72). The internet

allows individuals to hide certain aspects of their real identity and explore new behaviors that

otherwise they would not in their offline relationships. This has created confusion and distress

about the real identity of their partners and has left the grieving partner to question the

authenticity of their relationship and its history. It has been found that with trying to make sense

of the confusion, betrayal, and loss, the aggrieved partner struggles to find reasonable answers,

leading to difficulty in finding closure and moving on with their lives.

As long as there are personal relationships, there will be the possibility of infidelity in

those relationships. While many are aware of the prevalence of infidelity in current society,

research has made it evident that technology plays a leading role in developing and sustaining

online love affairs. What is more significant, and perhaps more profound, is the detrimental

effects online infidelity has created for offline relationships. Although more research has been

published in the last few years about perception, attitudes, and the impacts of online infidelity,

there are still many unanswered questions concerning this problem. As such, additional

research on this topic is important and highly recommended. Specifically, further studies on the

non-affected partner’s perceptions and attitudes could answer why they partake in such

behaviors, potentially giving their partners clarity and healing in the answers they have been

searching for after a cheating incident.

References

Cavaglion, G., Rashty, E. (2010). Narratives of suffering among Italian female partners

of cybersex and cyber-porn dependents. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal

of Treatment & Prevention, 17, 270–287. https://doi.org/10.1080/10720162.2010.513639

Cravens, C. (2013). Facebook infidelity: When poking becomes problematic.

Contemporary Family Therapy, 35(1), 74–90. Doi: 10.1007/s10591-012-9231-5

Schneider, W. (2012). Is it really cheating? Understanding the emotional reactions

and clinical treatment of spouses and partners affected by cybersex infidelity.

Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 19, 123–139.

https://doi.org/10.1080/10720162.2012.658344

Vossler, M. (2020). Internet affairs: Partners’ perceptions and experiences of internet

infidelity. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 46(1), 67–77.

https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2019.1654577

Whitty, M. & Quigley, L. (2008, September 30). Emotional and sexual infidelity offline and in

cyberspace. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 34(4), 461-468.

https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2008.00088.x