The Short Essay

Oftentimes your teacher will assign a quickie — a short response paper that
might be assigned after a classroom discussion or after reading a short story,
a poem or an article. Some teachers refer to these as essay paragraphs. In
terms of length, a short response can range from a single paragraph
composed of anywhere from 150 – 400 words to a couple of paragraphs with
250 – 500 words – even longer if you have a lot to say. These, of course, are
estimates, but you get the idea. Sometimes these short essays are assigned
in class and may even be timed — “You have 25 minutes to respond to the
author’s argument in a 300-word essay. Ready? Go!” — Sometimes these
essays will be assigned as overnight homework.

The fact is, you are not always going to be assigned a long-form,
multiple-paragraph essay. The short responses are just as common, and,
guess what, in terms of your grades, they add up. The problem is,
inexperienced writers often believe that because the responses are short, they
can just churn them out quickly with little regard for organization and structure.
This is a mistake. It is just as important to have a structured plan when
approaching a short essay as it is when tackling a longer one.

It should also be noted that many of the elements of the short response are
also found in the longer, multiple-paragraph essay. Both types of essays have
a hook and a thesis statement, for example. They both present evidence and
commentary as well. In fact, if you can master the short response, you will
have learned most of the skills needed to produce a longer,
multiple-paragraph essay.
The Basic Structure
Even though your response may be a single paragraph, it still needs to begin
with some sort of introductory hook. You need something to set a context for
the writing. It also requires a clear statement that precisely asserts what the
main idea of the response will be. We call this the thesis statement. It then
needs to include some sort of researched information that you are discussing
such as a statistic, a quote, a statement, a fact, a personal anecdote, etc…
We call this the research detail (also known as concrete detail, evidence, text
evidence and proof).

The response also requires the voice of the essay writer in the form of
commentary, explanation and an overall making sense of things. We call this
part the interpretation (also known as analysis or explanation). Finally, the
response should have some sort of closing sentence or two at the end to wrap
things up and give the reader the sense that the essay is finished. We call this
the closer.

So, essentially, the most basic short response will have the following structure:

[H + TS + RD + INT + C]

If any of these aspects are missing, the response will not be sufficient, and
this will be reflected in your grade and in a look of confusion on your reader’s
face. You need all of these parts. Of course, there are multiple variations to
this structure. After the hook, some writers might opt to flip the script and
compose their interpretation first, then follow that up with a relevant research
detail. Or the essayist might choose to add a second interpretation because
they have more to say and wish to elaborate. They may even want to add a
second research detail. There is a lot of flexibility within the system as long as
you have a structure that is organized and cohesive.

The following models are short responses to various response-to-literature,

persuasive, expository, and personal response prompts. The color-coding
used above will be used to distinguish the various short-response elements.
Model 1
This model represents the most basic form of short response. It is brief (234
words) and was written fairly quickly (just 20 minutes), but it has all of the
elements that a basic response needs: a short hook, a clear thesis statement,
some text-evidence (research detail), some explanation (interpretation) and a
closing sentence (closer). This response does the job in the most efficient way
possible.

Type of essay: short response / response to literature

The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger
really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]

Word count: 234

Time spent: 15-20 minutes

It seems that poets and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real
themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes
our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the
writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides
the reader with some some very subtle clues that, if looked at very carefully,
reveal the true and literal identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Consider the
following lines from the poem: “Look. Its white stripes/ In the light that slid/
Through the jalousies”. Levertov is inviting us to pay close attention to a very
specific clue: the white stripes coming through the room’s blinds. It is a
physical fact that moonlight becomes separated into lines that are projected
onto the floor when they pass through louvered blinds (jalousies in this case).
The speaker in the poem seems to be a child who observes these lines of
moonlight slowly traveling across her room; she imagines that they are the
stripes of a tiger “prowling sleekly” across the room. Everything else in the
poem, the small head, the large feet, the prowling, the sniffing, is all imagined
by the child. The moon “tiger” is, very simply, the creation of a child’s
overactive imagination and nothing else. It’s amazing how poet’s often hide
that which is obvious in plain sight, but few people seem to notice.

Notes

● Hook: This hook is just two sentences in length, which is about right
for a short response. It adequately introduces the notion that poets
and writers are often hiding things right beneath our noses.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement is direct and to the point; it
echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being
asked.
● Research Detail:Beginning with the transitional-bridge phrase,
“Consider the following”, this is a very conventional way to introduce
a quote from a poem. This phrase was taken from the sentence
starter menu. Notice that each line break is indicated with a forward
slash mark.
● Interpretation: This interpretation is a healthy five-sentences long
(essayop recommends that they be anywhere from 3-6 sentences
each). The writer defends his interpretation of the lines with
reasoned thinking.
● Closer: One simple sentence that expresses the essay writer’s
overall reaction to the solving of the mystery, making this short
paragraph feel finished. All in all, the paragraph coherently
addresses the prompt.

Model 2
This model is simply an augmentation of Model 1. The essay writer either had
a little extra time or just had a little more to say. Or, maybe the teacher just
assigned a higher word count. The modification here is the addition of a
second interpretation. This simple addition can add depth and length to your
response, and is worth trying if your responses tend to be a bit short or your
teacher asks you to elaborate.
Type of essay: short response / response to literature

The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger
really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + INT2 + C]

Word count: 323

Time spent: 25-30 minutes

It seems that poets and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real
themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes
our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the
writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides
the reader with some some very interesting clues as to the the true and literal
identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Consider the following lines from the
poem: “Look. Its white stripes/ In the light that slid/Through the jalousies”.
Levertov is inviting us to pay close attention to a very specific clue: the white
stripes coming through the room’s blinds. It is a physical fact that moonlight
becomes separated into lines that are projected onto the floor when they pass
through louvered blinds (jalousies in this case). The speaker in the poem
seems to be a child who observes these lines of moonlight slowly traveling
across her room; she imagines that they are the stripes of a tiger “prowling
sleekly” across the room. Everything else in the poem, the small head, the
large feet, the prowling , the sniffing, is all imagined by the child. The moon
“tiger” is, very simply, the creation of a child’s overactive imagination and
nothing else. When you think back to your own childhood, the experience that
Levertov describes is not too far from the the way children experience the
world. I remember working myself into a frenzy when I was four or five,
imagining that every creak our old house made was a prowler creeping down
the hall, or that the wind outside was the sound of winged beasts ready to
sweep me away if I dared go outside. It’s amazing how poet’s often hide that
which is obvious in plain sight, but few people seem to notice. In Levertov’s
case, her little mystery does a pretty good job of portraying the incessantly
imaginative minds of children.
Notes

● Hook: This hook is just two sentences in length, which is about right
for a short response. It adequately introduces the notion that poets
and writers are often hiding things right beneath our noses.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement is direct and to the point, it
echoes the prompt and promises to answer the question being
asked.
● Research Detail: The phrase, “Consider the following,” serves as a
nice transition into the lines quoted from the poem, and is taken
directly from the sentence-starter-pull-down menu located in the
lower-center portion of the writing frame.
● Interpretation: This interpretation is a healthy five-sentences long
(essaypop recommends that they be anywhere from 3-6 sentences
each). The writer defends his interpretation of the lines with
reasoned thinking.
● Interpretation 2: The response is lengthened with the addition a
personal connection made by writer. The second interpretation
personalizes the response and adds depth.
● Closer: Two sentences are more appropriate here due to the
addition of the second interpretation.

Model 3
This model is a subtle variation of Model 2. The difference is that the writer
decided to write the interpretation directly following the thesis statement, and
then bring in the research detail in the form of a quote. The rest is essentially
the same. The point is, sometimes a writer may want to get directly into the
explanation/interpretation part of the discourse. This is easily done by
grabbing the writing frame handle and moving the desired frame to another
location. No notes are included after this model because the elements are
essentially the same as Model 2.

Type of essay: short response / response to literature

The prompt: In Denise Levertov’s poem, “Moon Tiger”, what is the moon tiger
really? Use textual evidence to justify your answer.

Template Formula: H + TS + INT + RD + INT2 + C]

Word count: 323

Time spent: 25-30 minutes

It seems that poet’s and authors take great delight in camouflaging their real
themes and thoughts with strange symbols and figurative trickery. It becomes
our task to analyze the sometimes inscrutable clues to get to the bottom of the
writer’s real meaning. In her poem, “Moon Tiger”, Denise Levertov provides
the reader with some some very interesting clues as to the the true and literal
identity of the work’s creeping tiger. Levertov invites us to pay close attention
to a very specific clue: the white stripes coming through the room’s blinds. It is
a physical fact that moonlight becomes separated into lines that are projected
onto the floor when they pass through louvered blinds (jalousies in this case).
When Levertov exclaims, “Look. Its white stripes/ In the light that slid/Through
the jalousies”, she is speaking from the point of view of a child who observes
these lines of moonlight slowly traveling across her room; she imagines that
they are the stripes of a tiger “prowling sleekly” across the room. Everything
else in the poem, the small head, the large feet, the prowling, the sniffing, is
all imagined by the child. The moon “tiger” is, very simply, the creation of a
child’s overactive imagination and nothing else. When you think back to your
own childhood, the experience that Levertov describes is not too far from the
way children experience the world. I remember working myself into a frenzy
when I was four or five, imagining that every creak our old house made was a
prowler creeping down the hall, or that the wind outside was the sound of
winged beasts ready to sweep me away if I dared go outside. It’s amazing
how poets often hide that which is obvious in plain sight, but few people seem
to notice. In Levertov’s case, her little mystery does a pretty good job of
portraying the incessantly imaginative minds of children.

Model 4
Like model 1, this response uses just the basic template formula. It is a
in-class, timed assignment.

Type of essay: Expository / Argument

The prompt: We just read the Atlantic Monthly article, “How Two Common
Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” by Marshall Allen. In a
300-500 word short essay, discuss whether you believe the Horizon
Pharmaceutical Company is justified in selling the drug Vimovo at the price
that they do.

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]

Word count: 322

Time spent: 20-25 minutes

Isaac Asimov once said wisely, “I don’t prescribe to the thesis, ‘let the buyer
beware’, I prefer the disregarded one that goes, ‘let the seller be honest’.” It
seems as though every big company these days has discovered
state-of-the-art ways to separate people from their hard-earned cash, and the
pharmaceutical companies are certainly no exception. Marshall Allen’s Atlantic
monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million
Specialty Pill” brings up two fairly balanced perspectives regarding the cost of
their drug, Vimovo. After careful consideration, however, it seems clear that
there is no way to justify this company charging such exorbitant prices for this
drug. According to this journalist, It seems that Horizon simply takes two very
common medications, a pain reliever and a stomach-upset medicine, and
combines them into one pill, because pain relievers cause some people
stomach discomfort. Not a bad idea I guess, but at what cost? “Of course I
did the math”, says the Allen. “You can walk into your local drugstore and buy
a month’s supply of Aleve and Nexium for about $40. For Vimovo, the
pharmacy billed my insurance company $3,252.” This is a staggering markup
in price. And what’s worse is they seem to be getting away with it. Vimovo,
according to Allen, has netted the company $455 million since 2014 and
shows no signs of slowing down. They seem to be able to get away with this
with a series of sales tricks and back-room deals with insurance companies
that the doctors and patients prescribing and using the drugs are seldom
aware of. And despite the company executives claiming that they only are
charging what the market will bear, and that they receive few complaints about
their pricing, well, that’s only because they’ve done such a good job of
concealing their unethical tactics. I’m with Mr. Asimov, it’s too bad a company
like Horizon can’t simply make their profits in an honest way.

Notes

● Hook: The quote by Isaac Asimov goes right to the heart of the
topic of unscrupulous sellers. You’ll notice that the essay writer
refers once again to Asimov in the closer. This is the proper way to
use a quote as a hook in a short response. The hook then bridges
seamlessly into the thesis statement.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement specifically names the
article and its author. It echoes the prompt and promises to answer
the question being asked.
● Research Detail: The first part of the research detail is paraphrased
information that provides context for a reader who may not know
what this medicine is. The second part is a direct quote that
provides a startling statistic.
● Interpretation: This interpretation goes into why Horizon’s business
practices are unethical and unfair. Another research detail ($455
million since 2014) is embedded in the interpretation which is a
common practice and fine. A brief mention of the companies
justification is quickly rebutted here.
● Closer: Returning back to Asimov, this closer makes the short
response feel like it’s come full circle, which is an impressive thing
for a writer to do.

Model 5
This model is a variation of model 4. In order to make the response lengthier
and more substantive, the essay writer added an additional research detail.
She also split her original interpretation in two, dropping interpretation 2 down
to follow the second research detail. Finally, because the response was
starting to feel lengthy, she broke the response into a second paragraph. By
simply adding a paragraph break in a place that felt natural. No notes will
follow this model.

Type of essay: Expository / Argument

The prompt: We just read the Atlantic Monthly article, “How Two Common
Medications Became One $455 Million Specialty Pill” by Marshall Allen. In a
300-400 word short essay, discuss whether you believe the Horizon
Pharmaceutical Company is justified in selling the drug Vimovo at the price
that they do.

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + RD2 + INT2 + C]

Word count: 377

Time spent: 25-30 minutes

Isaac Asimov once said wisely, “I don’t prescribe to the thesis, ‘let the buyer
beware’, I prefer the disregarded one that goes, ‘let the seller be honest’.” It
seems as though every big company these days has discovered state-of
the-art ways to separate people from their hard-earned cash, and the
pharmaceutical companies are certainly no exception. Marshall Allen’s Atlantic
monthly article, “How Two Common Medications Became One $455 Million
Specialty Pill” brings up two fairly balanced perspectives regarding the cost of
their drug, Vimovo. After careful consideration, however, it seems clear that
there is no way to justify this company charging such exorbitant prices for this
drug. It seems that Horizon simply takes two very common medications, a
pain reliever, and a stomach-upset medicine, and combines them into one pill
because pain relievers cause some people stomach discomfort. Not a bad
idea I guess, but at what cost? “Of course I did the math”, says the Allen. “You
can walk into your local drugstore and buy a month’s supply of Aleve and
Nexium for about $40. For Vimovo, the pharmacy billed my insurance
company $3,252.” This is a staggering markup in price. And what’s worse is
they seem to be getting away with it. Vimovo, according to Allen, has netted
the company $455 million since 2014 and shows no signs of slowing down.
They seem to be able to get away with this with a series of sales tricks and
back-room deals with insurance companies that the doctors and patients
prescribing and using the drugs are seldom aware of. And they don’t stop
there.

Based on Allen’s research, Vimovo isn’t Horizon’s only such drug. It has
brought in an additional $465 million in net sales from Duexis, a similar
convenience drug that combines ibuprofen and famotidine, aka Advil and
Pepcid. So, they’ve taken a successful, albeit questionable practice, and spun
it into other profitable drugs. And despite the company executives claiming
that they only are charging what the market will bear, and that they receive
few complaints about their pricing, well, that’s only because they’ve done such
a good job of concealing their unethical tactics. I’m with Mr. Asimov. It’s too
bad a company like Horizon can’t simply make their profits in a more honest
way.

Model 6
This is response to an actual University of California application question. It
extends the basic short response template with the addition of a second
research detail. Keep in mind that the research details in this paper are the
essay writer’s own experience. Research usually, but does not always, come
from other sources. Sometimes it comes from your own life in the form of
recollections and personal anecdotes.

Type of essay: University of California Application / Personal Insight Question

/ personal narrative.

The prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a
better place? Limit: 350 words.
Template Formula: H + TS + RD + RD2 + INT + C]

Word count: 350

Time spent: 25-30 minutes

I have been the recipient of many a helping hand and kind gesture as a young
Latino kid growing up in Los Angeles’s Boyle Heights area. My neighborhood
was not an easy place to grow up, with poverty, unemployment and gang
violence being a ubiquitous presence that affected everyone, especially kids.
As I grew up, I took advantage of every club, team, and outreach program in
my neighborhood and at my school that I came into contact with. And, believe
me when I say, it helped. So, when I entered Eagle Rock High School as a
freshman, I knew that joining a service organization would be a priority for me.
More than any other endeavor in my life, my role in rejuvenating our school’s
Bridges Mentorship Club has has allowed me to give back to my school in
ways that have been both meaningful to others and personally satisfying.
Eagle Rock serves grades seven through ten, and some of our most at-risk
students are our middle-schoolers. Bridges matches these kids with
upperclassmen who guide these students through the rigors of the secondary
school experience. It was a club that was supported by a federal grant for
many years, but that grant expired, and the club began to dwindle. Without a
budget and a teacher-mentor, Bridges lost its way. My group searched for and
found a mentor, developed a fundraising strategy, recruited upperclassmen
mentors, and crafted lesson plans that would engage our at-risk, middle
school population. We created a mentoring schedule that had to
accommodate the calendars of teachers, administration and the mentees
themselves. In time, we got the program up and running again, and even
exceeded our own expectations in doing so. In bringing back Bridges, we
brought back a support system for our most vulnerable students that was
dearly missing from Eagle Rock. We recreated a program that has helped
students in need find the support they need during one of their toughest,
transitional times. Giving back what I received growing up has always been a
priority for me. Resurrecting Bridges has allowed me to achieve this goal.

Notes
 ● Hook: At five sentences in length, this is a longer hook than short
responses usually feature. However, because this student’s
backstory is so essential to this narrative, it makes sense to
elaborate in this situation. It also transitions smoothly into the thesis
statement as a good hook should.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement is a single sentence and it
directly answers the stated prompt.
● Research Detail 1: The first research detail features pertinent
information about the club’s purpose and demise due to lack of
funding. The source of this “research” is the essay writer herself
who is, as a founding club member, qualified to present factual
information.
● Research Detail 2: The second research detail gets into the writer
and her group’s specific accomplishments. Again, because this is a
personal narrative, the research features her own recollections,
which is perfectly acceptable for this type of writing.
● Interpretation: This interpretation in this particular response is quite
short. It’s simply a commentary on the impact that the program is
having on the school’s 7th and 8th graders.
● Closer: This closer wraps up the response by briefly restating the
writer’s motivation and the thesis itself. Like any good closer, this
element allows the response to feel finished.

Model 7
Type of essay: expository/ argument

The prompt: Based on the documents we reviewed in class today that assign
blame for the Titanic tragedy to several different individuals, who, in your
opinion, is most responsible for the sinking of the RMS Titanic and the deaths
of over 1,500 passengers?

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]

Word Count: 330

Time spent: 25-30 minutes

The sinking of the Titanic was one of the great tragedies in history. In today’s
dollars, the loss of the ship cost it’s investors more than half a billion dollars.
But what is worse than the economic loss, of course, is the massive loss of
life. 1,503 passengers and crew either drowned or froze to death in the icy
waters of the North Atlantic ocean on the fateful April night in 1912. But who
was responsible for the sinking of the great ship? Certainly, many people
played a role in the tragedy, but one person seems more culpable than all the
others. Based on the documents we have reviewed, it seems clear that
Captain Edward J. Smith is the individual most responsible for the sinking of
the Titanic and the deaths of all of those unfortunate passengers. Robert
Ballard, who is considered one of the most-renowned Titanic experts, confirms
this in his research. Consider the following evidence taken from Ballard’s
“Exploring the Titanic”: “In all Captain Smith received seven ice warnings the
afternoon and evening of the disaster. Of those, only three were posted for
anyone to see.” (367) Ignoring this many ice warnings just seems like a recipe
for disaster. To use a car/driver analogy, this would be like a driver ignoring
three stop signs, driving through two red lights and careening over the Metro
track when the gate is down — such a driver would surely get into an accident
sooner or later. It is surprising that a captain with 38 years of experience
would be so reckless, and clearly had he heeded these warnings, the ship
would have survived. It also makes one wonder if Captain Smith was caught
up in the overconfidence and hubris of the moment. I mean, why worry about
iceberg warnings if you’re sailing an “unsinkable” ship? Sure, the blame could
be spread around in regards to this tragic event, but if one person must be
held most responsible, it is the captain.

Notes

● Hook: This hook attempts to reel in the reader with a pair of

startling facts. The first pertains to the huge economic toll the loss of
the Titanic caused its company and investors. The second reveals
the massive loss of human life that occurred during the fateful
 voyage. The hook ends with a rhetorical question that is sure to
answered by the essayist.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement is two sentences in length.
It adequately echoes the prompt and provides an answer to the
rhetorical question that is asked in the hook.
● Research Detail: Some context regarding who Robert Ballard is is
provided prior to the quote. The phrase, “Consider the following
evidence” was taken from the sentence starter menu and helps to
smoothly transition into the quote itself. The quote is parenthetically
cited in accordance with MLA citation requirements.
● Interpretation: This interpretation employs an analogy to help
explain the significance of the quote. It brings in some of the
essayists own opinion and, frankly, his judgement of the captain’s
behavior. The interpretation concludes effectively with a rhetorical
question.
● Closer: The response closes a single sentence that reiterates the
prompt and the thesis sentence, making the response feel finished.

Model 8
This model extends the basic short response template by having the two
research details and interpretations alternate within the response. This
technique is ideal for expository responses that feature additional evidence. It
also creates a rhythm within the writing.

Type of essay: research/expository

The prompt: We have reviewed a number of articles about the of the planet’s
more interesting and unusual animals. In a text-evidence-based response
(300-400 words), explain why you find one of these creatures to be the most
intriguing. You have 35 minutes to complete this assignment.

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + RD2 + INT2 + C]

Word Count: 327

Time spent: 25-30 minutes

Did you know that turtles are capable of breathing from their butts? Were you
aware that penguins can go three months without food? Would it surprise you
that rattlesnakes can “see” your heat signature? There certainly are a number
of unusual creatures with some very strange abilities on this planet. If pressed
to select the single animal that I find the most interesting, however, I would
have to contend that jellyfish are quite simply one of the strangest and most
unusual creatures on the planet. Scientists have discovered a number of
examples of this fact. According to the highly regarded marine biologist,
Edwin Kantor, “The largest jellyfish species, the lion’s mane jellyfish (Cyanea
capillata), can have tentacles that extend longer than a blue whale, the largest
mammal on Earth.” (67) It is difficult to fathom how large this really is. If you
placed this fellow on the top of a ten-story building, the tips of his tentacles
would still touch the sidewalk. Imagine how effectively a creature with such a
“wingspan” could hunt. He certainly must be a fearsome predator. And the
weirdness doesn’t stop there. Consider the following : “The immortal jellyfish
(Turritopsis dohrnii) ages like Benjamin Button—when a crisis like starvation
presents itself, the jellyfish’s cells transform and revert to their earliest form, a
polyp, making this type of jellyfish potentially immortal.” (Simmons 254) Again,
it is no surprise that folks look at this formless creature like an alien being from
another universe. It’s one thing to be able to stretch out to the size of a
sequoia redwood, but to possess the ability to live forever?– that’s truly
unique, not to mention a skill that we humans would most likely want to
emulate if we could ever figure out how. All in all, when you consider some of
their unusual abilities and characteristics, jellyfish truly are some of the
weirdest organisms on the planet, although that butt-breathing trick that turtles
do is pretty unique.

Notes

● Hook: This hook, like the example before it, attempts to reel in the
reader with several startling facts that are presented in a series of
rhetorical questions. All relate to animals that have been read about
 in the essay writers biology class. The hook ends with a declarative
statement that will blend nicely with the thesis statement to come.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement adequately and clearly
echoes the prompt. It uses the first person “I” which is appropriate
given that this a personal response assignment.
● Research Details 1 and 2: Both quotes are taken from marine
scientists and gives the paper an air of informed trustworthiness.
The quotes are both parenthetically cited in accordance with MLA
citation requirements.
● Interpretations 1 and 2: Neither interpretation is overly long (both
are just 3 sentences in length), which is appropriate for a timed
assignment like this one.
● Closer: The response reiterates the prompt and the thesis
sentence, making the response feel finished. The added humor at
the end is skirting the boundaries of what is considered appropriate
for academic writing, but sometimes a writer needs to have some
fun. The turtle-butt reference also is a reference to the hook which
makes the writing feel like has come full-circle.

Model 9
Like model 1, this response uses just the basic template formula which is
appropriate for an in-class, timed assignment.

Type of essay: persuasive/ argument

The prompt: Our school’s administration announced recently that they are
considering instituting a school dress code at Marshall High School. Based on
your understanding of the rights granted U.S. citizens in the Constitution, do
you feel such a policy would is advisable, ethical, or even legal? Your
response should be 250-350 words in length and contain some researched or
factual evidence. You have 30 minutes to complete your response.

Template Formula: H + TS + RD + INT + C]

Word Count: 259

Time spent: 25 minutes

I don’t know what’s gotten into today’s adults, but lately it seems that teachers
and school administrators take more and more pleasure in squelching
students’ individual creativity and their natural desire to want to express their
own personal senses of style. This oppressive impulse is perfectly illustrated
by the educational leaders of Marshall High School who would like its students
to conform to certain, restrictive dress codes. I hate to break it to these
conservative “crushers-of-young-folks’-spirits”, but a mandated dress code at
our school is a flagrant violation of young people’s’ civil rights. Afterall, The
First Amendment of our United States Constitution states that “Congress
cannot pass laws abridging the freedom of speech.” Our forefathers did not
intend to have any American citizen’s right to reasonably express him or
herself taken away by anybody at any time, no matter their age. This
constitutional protection allows us to speak out against politicians who we
disagree with. It allows us to write articles that might be controversial or even
offensive to some. And it certainly extends to students who might want to wear
some loose-fitting jeans or a punk-rock tee shirt. Expressing one’s style,
politics or ideas with one’s choice of clothing is no different than doing so with
words spoken aloud or written down on paper. So, if the adult leadership of
our school is serious about forcing a dress code on us, then they might as well
admit that they they are a willing party to the a crass violation of the basic
constitutional rights of our school’s students.

Notes

● Hook: This hook expresses the essay writer’s belief that an injustice
is being contemplated by the school’s adult leadership. The words
used here are strong. Phrases such as, “squelching students’
individual creativity”, and, “This oppressive impulse”, suggest that a
great wrong is happening and that this essayist is none too pleased
about it.
 ● Thesis statement: The thesis statement oozes with the persecuted
annoyance that began in the hook. It echoes the prompt and
promises to answer the question being asked.
● Research Detail: The phrase “after all” is a nice transitional
element that helps move smoothly into the evidence. The research
detail itself is short and sweet, citing the first amendment of the
Constitution, beginning with the sentence starter* “states that”. The
source is not cited because the existent of this document is
considered common knowledge.
● Interpretation: At six sentences long, the interpretation is a healthy
length. It focuses on other areas where freedom of expression is
protected by the 1st amendment, then reasons that choice of
clothing at school should be similarly protected. The somewhat
animated tone befits a persuasive response.
● Closer: The word “So” to begin the closer is taken from the
sentence starter menu. The tone of the closer maintains the
indignant tone that permeates this short response.

Model 10
This model is a variation of model 9. In this model the “script is flipped” and
the interpretation directly follows the thesis statement. This is easily done by
grabbing the writing frame handle and moving the frame to its new location.
Another difference is that a second research detail is added to this model,
giving the response a bit more gravity.

Type of essay: persuasive/ argument

The prompt: Our school’s administration announced recently that they are
considering instituting a school dress code at Marshall High School. Based on
your understanding of the rights granted U.S. citizens in the Constitution, do
you feel such a policy would is advisable, ethical or even legal? Your response
should be 250-350 words in length and contain some researched evidence. It
is due at the start of class tomorrow.
Template Formula: H + TS + INT + RD + RD2 + C]

Word Count: 301

Time spent: 30-35 minutes (including research)

I don’t know what’s gotten into today’s adults, but lately, it seems that teachers
and school administrators take more and more pleasure in squelching
students’ individual creativity and their natural desire to want to express their
own personal senses of style. This oppressive impulse is perfectly illustrated
by the educational leaders of Marshall High School who would like its students
to conform to certain, restrictive dress codes. I hate to break it to these
conservative “crushers-of-young-folks’-spirits”, but a mandated dress code at
our school is a flagrant violation of young people’s’ civil rights. Our forefathers
did not intend to have any American citizen’s right to reasonably express him
or herself taken away by anybody at any time, no matter their age. This
constitutional protection allows us to speak out against politicians who we
disagree with. It allows us to write articles that might be controversial or even
offensive to some. And it certainly extends to students who might want to wear
some loose-fitting jeans or a punk-rock tee shirt. Expressing one’s style,
politics, or ideas with one’s choice of clothing is no different than doing so with
words spoken aloud or written down on paper. After all, The First Amendment
of our United States Constitution states that “Congress cannot pass laws
abridging the freedom of speech.” Additionally, Lee Rowland of the American
Civil Liberties Union’s Nevada branch reminds us that “in conflict with the First
Amendment, school uniform policies create instead an environment of
sterilized uniformity scrubbed of the diversity so prized by our founding
fathers. (238) So, if the adult leadership of our school is serious about forcing
a dress code on us, then they might as well admit that they they are willing to
be a party to a crass violation of the basic constitutional rights of our school’s
students.

Notes

● Hook: This hook expresses the essay writer’s belief that an injustice
is being contemplated by the school’s adult leadership. The words
 used here are strong. Phrases such as, “squelching students’
individual creativity”, and, “This oppressive impulse”, suggest that a
great wrong is happening and that this essayist is none too pleased
about it.
● Thesis statement: The thesis statement oozes with the persecuted
annoyance that began in the hook. It echoes the prompt and
promises to answer the question being asked.
● Interpretation: At six sentences long, the interpretation is a healthy
length. It focuses on other areas where freedom of expression is
protected by the 1st amendment, then reasons that choice of
clothing at school should be similarly protected. The somewhat
animated tone befits a persuasive response by a person who feel
her rights are being violated.
● Research Detail 1: The phrase “after all” is a nice transitional
element that helps move smoothly into the evidence. The research
detail itself is short and sweet, citing the first amendment of the
Constitution beginning with the sentence starter* “states that”. The
source is not cited because the existent of this document is
considered common knowledge.
● Research Detail 2: The transitional word, “additionally” helps the
writer move directly, but smoothly, into the second research detail.
Rowlands quote is relevant as it not only brings up the first
amendment but mentions the “sterilized uniformity” that the essayist
is speaking out against.
● Closer: The word “So” to begin the closer is taken from the
sentence starter menu. The tone of the closer maintains the
indignant tone that permeates this short response.

Model 11
Type of essay: research/expository
The prompt: Are rattlesnakes a bane or a benefit to mankind? Respond in a
structured, evidence-based short constructed response that is 300-350 words
in length.

Template Formula: H + TS + + RD + INT + B + RD2 + INT + C]

Word Count: 327

Time spent: 30-35 minutes (including research)

The subject of deadly creatures, and especially those of the serpent variety
make many people extremely uncomfortable. In our area of Southern
California, rattlesnakes are particularly reviled. And while these reptiles may
seem unpleasant to many people, they actually are extraordinarily beneficial
to the environment in which we must live. In fact, without these snakes, our
local environment would tumble out of balance. According to the Queensland
Department of Environment, “The feeding habits of rattlesnakes act as a
natural form of pest control. Snakes are predators and feed on a variety of
creatures. Small snakes feed on many harmful bugs and insects. Larger ones
eat mice, rats, and other small mammals that can destroy crops or damage
personal property.” (Dept. of Environment) It is clear that if we were to
eliminate rattlesnakes from our environment with the objective of making
ourselves “safe”, we would inadvertently and ironically create the opposite
effect. An increase in insects and rodents would most certainly lead to such
adverse effects as bites, feces in food supplies and the diseases that
accompany these conditions. So as you can see, these creatures do have
some beneficial qualities. Recent research by other scientists supports this
idea. In fact, “New research by a team of University of Maryland biologists
shows the timber rattlesnake indirectly benefits humankind by keeping Lyme
disease in check.” (Kabay) Lyme disease is a very deadly illness that can
incapacitate and even kill humans. Many people are infected by the disease
every year, and it is spread by ticks that live on small creatures like rats and
squirrels that are staples of the rattlesnake diet. The research clearly indicates
that eliminating rattlesnakes from human environments would make the
environment in which we live more dangerous not less dangerous. On the
whole, rattlesnakes, despite their fearsome appearance, are quite effective
allies in our fight against illness and disease. With this in mind, they should
most definitely be regarded as friends and not foes.

Notes

● Hook: This is simple background hook revealing that rattlesnakes

are indeed feared by a lot of people in Southern California.
● Thesis Statement: The thesis stands in opposition to the hook,
stating that this response is going to elaborate on the beneficial
aspects of rattlesnakes.
● Research Detail 1: The first research detail cites a solid scientific
source. It is properly quoted and cited parenthetically. It also
matches nicely with the research detail to come.
● Interpretation 1: At two sentences long, the INT is a little shorter
than the 3-6 sentences that we normally recommend, but it does
focus on the research detail and will be elaborated upon in the
second INT. It also leads smoothly into the next research detail.
● Bridge: This really is more of a mini-bridge that was connected to a
research detail sentence starter*. This bridge allows the writing to
flow smoothly to the next research detail.
● Research Detail 2: Again, a solid scientific source is properly cited.
It flows nicely from the previous writing, and the simple phrase, “In
fact” (also taken from the sentence starter menu) adds emphasis to
the significance of the evidence being presented.
● Interpretation 2: At three sentences in length, this INT continues
the assertion that rattlesnakes are beneficial to our human society. It
maintains the paper’s focus of featuring a misunderstood animal
and is in keeping with the original short response prompt.
● Closer: This closer begins with the sentence starter “On the whole”
which acts here as a kind of wrap-up statement. It adequately
reinforces the main idea of the short response, reminding us that
the prompt is being addressed.