the shape of thingsby the same author theatre plays BASH: LATTERDAY PLAYS screenplays IN THE COMPANY OF MEN YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS NEIL LABUTE the shape of things fi faber and faberFirst published in 200 by Faber and Faber Limited 3 Queen Square, London worn 3au Published in the United States by Faber and Faber Inc. an affiliate of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, New York ‘Typeset by Country Setting, Kingsdown, Kent crr4 8s Printed in England by Mackays of Chatham ple, Chatham, Kent Cover art by Craig Hanna (wwwgeocities.com/craighanna) Alll rights reserved © Neil LaBute, 2000 The right of Neil LaBute to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’ prior consent in any form: of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 0-571-21246-0 24681097531 the shape of things premiéred in london at the almeida theatre on 24 may 200r with the following cast: evelyn rachel weisz adam paul rudd jenny gretchen mol phillip frederick weller director neil labute set design giles cadle costume design lynette meyer lighting mark henderson sound fergus o’hare casting fiona weir assistant director david salter production manager james crout company manager rupert carlile stage manager lisa buckley deputy stage manager lorna earl assistant stage manager simon wilcock head of wardrobe edward gibboncharacters evelyn adam jenny phillip setting a liberal arts college in a conservative midwestern town author's note the / in certain lines denotes an attempt at interruption or overlap by a given character A MUSEUM silence. darkness. a young woman stands near a stretch of velvet rope. she has a can in one hand and stares up at an enormous human sculpture. after a moment, a young man (in uniform) steps across the barrier and approaches her. ADAM . . you stepped over the line. miss? / umm, you stepped over. EVELYN i know. / ADAM okay, sorry, ms. but, ahh . . EVELYN i meant to. / step over... ADAM what? / yeah, i figured you did. i mean, the way you did it and all, kinda deliberate like. / you're not supposed to do that. EVELYN i know. / that’s why i tried it... ADAM why?EVELYN . .. to see what would happen. ADAM oh. well . .. me, i s'pose. EVELYN ‘me?’ ADAM no, i mean, i'm what happens, i guess. i have to walk over, like i've done, and ask you to take a step back. could you, please? / step back? EVELYN and if someone doesn’t? / what then? ADAM «you're not gonna step back? EVELYN no... i mean, yes, i probably will, but just for interest’s sake, what would you do if? ADAM i'm... . geez, i’m not sure. i've never had anyone not step back. i've only said it, like, four times, and every time they've done it. stepped back. EVELYN what if i’m your first? non-stepper, i mean. then what? ADAM hell, i dunno . . . ?'m off in, like, ten minutes, ?'d probably just stand here, make sure you didn’t touch anything. EVELYN really? ADAM pretty much, yeah. i'd let next shift talk to you, kick you out or whatever. EVELYN you wouldn’t grab me or anything? ADAM nah, that’s too . . . you know. that’s a total hassle, you end up rolling around on the ground, you'd probably sue the place, or me, and then . . . i'd get fired for doing my job. screw that . .. (beat.) could you do that for me, though? EVELYN which, roll around on the ground or sue you? ADAM no, step back behind the line there . . . i'd appreciate it. EVELYN not really. ADAM no, seriously, i would, Pd definitely appreciate it EVELYN i mean, ‘not really’ i'm not going to... ADAM i thought you just said you probably will . .EVELYN yeah, ‘probably.’ i decided not to. ADAM hey, you're not gonna mess up my weekend with this, are you? ; EVELYN i wasn’t planning on it, but . . . i'm not completely against it, either. ADAM see, if you get all crazy, then i gotta write up a report and stuff, i'm here till six, six-thirty easy, and i have a second job to get to. EVELYN tonight? friday night? ADAM yep. right after this, at the video store .. EVELYN why would anyone work two jobs on friday night? ADAM + for money. EVELYN of course . . . sorry. (looks at him again.) oh . .. ob, right! that’s where i. . . ’'ve seen you in there. you helped me once, i think. ADAM yeah? / with what? EVELYN uh-huh. / the picture of dorian gray... you found it in classics, not drama. / somebody’d misplaced it ADAM right, i remember that. / yes... behind cabaret. the ‘joel grey’ fiasco... EVELYN yeah, you said you found it with dirty dancing once, too, or something ADAM , you're right... . that’s funny. EVELYN anyway, you helped me, that was nice . .. ADAM thanks. but, you’re not gonna return the favour, right? EVELYN you mean the... .? she points back toward the velvet rope. ADAM yeah. EVELYN no, sorry, i can’t. ADAM why is that? (pointing) it’s a pretty good-sized sculpture. you can see it just fine from there . . .EVELYN truthfully? i'm building up my nerve, and if i go back over, 'll probably be a big wuss about it and take off ... ADAM about what? the ‘wuss’ part, i mean... EVELYN i was going to deface the statue. ADAM oh. oh... (pointing) is that paint? EVELYN yes. ADAM great... from across the room, i thought you were maybe one of the cleaning people, i was hoping that was Jemon pledge or something . . . they share a smile. paint’s not really a great thing to have in a museum. people’ll definitely take that the wrong way . EVELYN how do they know which way to take it? : ADAM i'm thinking outside would be the general direction they'd ster you with spray paint... why do you have that? EVELYN i was going to do something to the nude. mess it up or . ADAM what, you mean, like, colour it or something? EVELYN i was thinking more of painting a big dick on it, but whatever... ADAM well, you could still colour it in . .. the dick. evelyn smiles at this. EVELYN true, it might look kinda weird .. ADAM oh, i think a graffiti penis is gonna be plenty odd already . . . (beat.) so, right over the leaves there, or just a free- floating number? EVELYN probably anatomically correct. i mean, if you’re gonna do it, why not . ADAM . ..do it right? absolutely. and, would “why” be completely out of the question here? EVELYN why the “dick?” ADAM ub-huh. i mean, since i basically have to jump you now if you lift that can up, it'd help with my report . . .EVELYN because i don’t like art that isn’t true. ADAM ‘true.’ what do you mean? EVELYN false art. i hate it... other patrons drift past. they watch them go. ADAM no, i understand the words you've used there, although they're both pretty subjective: ‘art,’ “truth.” EVELYN exactly! that’s the beauty of art . . . it’s subjective. ADAM right, but see, i don’t know what you're referring to then. i mean, specifically . .. (beat.) didn’t oscar wilde say something like, ‘in art there is no such thing as a universal truth . ..” or whatever? EVELYN yes... very good. ‘a truth in art is that whose contradictory is also true.’ right, but that’s an aesthetic. i’m talking about practicalities. censorship. (she points.) this sculpture. it’s fake, it’s not real. therefore, false art . ADAM 1no, it’s a fornecelli, it definitely is, i read the little thingie there one time . . . EVELYN yes, but the leaf cluster isn’t. ADAM it’s not? / what is it, a pastie or something, like strippers have? EVELYN no. / its plaster . .. it was added by a committee who had complaints from local townspeople. / uh-huh. / they made a petition and got that put on, thereby removing its subjectivity as art. ADAM F really? / i didn’t know that . . . / when did they do this? EVELYN seven or eight years ago now, i think. before i got here, anyway. / see, they objected to his ‘thing,’ the shape of it. said it was too life-like. (beat.) it’s supposed to be ‘god,” you know’... that’s what pisses ’em off. ADAM huh. / yeah . . . he’s not really supposed to have one of those, is he? EVELYN no, and i don’t know why . . . we're always calling him ‘the creator.’ (beat.) look at it, you can see the see right behind the grapes there, you can just see his ADAM . . grapes. yes. you're absolutely, huh. didn’t even cover him properly. shoddy craftsmanship! EVELYN i mean, if you're gonna do it, at least .. .ADAM - exactly. do it right. (beat.) but why deface the thing? i mean, just out of curiosity. why not, say, knock the plaster off and expose his . .. you know... . cluster . if you're trying to . EVELYN because. that’s so . . . expected. ADAM abh . . . so, you're a student, then, or is this just basic anarchy? EVELYN yep. student. ADAM me too. EVELYN yeah? what’s your emphasis? ADAM ummm . . . taking out school loans, primarily, but i do sit in on a few english classes. you're in art? EVELYN mmmm-hmmm. m.f.a. / applied theory and crit ADAM oh. / so, is this, like, a project? EVELYN no, i’m just getting started on my thesis project now. a big sorta installation . . . ‘thingie.’ ADAM that’s a good word, huh? “thingie. EVELYN it is... (points.) anyway, this is only a pet peeve . . . ADAM thesis? you're graduating . EVELYN in may. ADAM *kay. i'm only a junior . . EVELYN huh. you seem older. ADAM well, iam. i mean, older than twenty, anyhow... i worked for a couple years. made money. EVELYN not enough, though. still got two jobs . . ADAM don’t forget the school loans . . . EVELYN right. so, basically, you're . . . fucked. ADAM yep. but at least i’m educated, so i comprehend that i’m fucked...they stand there for a moment. adam checks his watch evelyn shakes her spray can, EVELYN you're cute. i don’t like the way you wear your hair... ADAM thank you. i think EVELYN no, you're definitely cute, but you shouldn’t style it so much, your hair. just let it go... ADAM “kay. i'll try that . EVELYN your relief’s late ADAM yeah. typical . EVELYN 80, do you have to stay at your station until they spell you, or... .? ADAM no, at punch-out time, i’m supposed to get down there and do it. they can really be pricks about that .. EVELYN you should go then... ADAM right. yeah, i... can i call you? EVELYN what do you wanna call me? ADAM up. just up, right now. talk, maybe get crazy, take you to dinner . . EVELYN okay. abh . .. sure. (beat.) do they allow you to do that here? ADAM what, eat dinner? EVELYN i meant hit on the patrons . ADAM . .. umm, no, they've got a pretty strict policy about that, too, actually. but... EVELYN +s ahh, the great equalizer. “but.” ADAM exactly, i'll take the risk .. EVELYN good answer, grasshopper. ADAM huh? EVELYN ‘kung fu.’ on tv. remember when he was a kid? the old guy with the fakey contact lenses, and the . . .ADAM ob, right . . . sure. ‘grasshopper.’ i don’t really watch much television EVELYN ray brothers loved that show. (beat.) so, do you want a number? ADAM absolutely! (checks.) damn, i don’t have a pen. EVELYN me either. (thinks.) here. . ADAM what? EVELYN the jacket. take it off for a second. ADAM ob, that’s, umm EVELYN what? ADAM i's my own .. . 's not part of the uniform. it’s mine. EVELYN good. then you'll always have it on you . . . from the looks of it. adam follows her orders. evelyn lays the coat open on the floor, looks around, then uncaps the paint and Sprays a phone number inside. don’t worry, it dries quick. ADAM thanks. okay, so, i'll. .. yeah. (he glances back.) good luck with the... nice to meet you. again. EVELYN you too. adam smiles at her, looks back again, walks off. evelyn is loft alone. she turns back to the statue and starts shaking her paint can. the little ball bearings inside rattle loudly.A RESTAURANT LOBBY adam standing with evelyn. be looks a bit different, not as bulkey and he's letting his hair go. same jacket under bis arm. EVELYN ++ no, seriously. you have. ADAM yeah? EVELYN no question. ADAM i dunno. i think i still look . . EVELYN you can definitely tell. you can, ADAM really? EVELYN dlefinitely. plus, the hair . ../i bet you your friends say something. twenty bucks .. . ADAM well, ’m glad... /i mean, i can’t tell and so i figured .. twenty bucks? EVELYN Yes. that’s because you see ‘you’ every day. shower, getting dressed, that kind of thing, but... ADAM so do you. EVELYN i don’t see you shower. or getting dressed . . . ADAM no, i meant every day. so far, anyway, since we first went tore. EVELYN i know, i'm kidding. ADAM oh. okay... . (beat.) i'd like that, though. if you would EVELYN which? ADAM : both if you want. either. anything, any moment i can get with you... that’s what i'd like. EVELYN ask and you shall receive . . ADAM so, i'm asking, then. EVELYN so you shall be receiving then they share a brief kiss; he looks around self- consciously.ADAM p.d.a. public display of affection. im not used to that . . EVELYN no? i don't mind... ADAM really? EVELYN nah, whose business is it? ours, right? kiss if we want to, make love in the bathroom stall... who cares? ADAM i'd start with the management . ., EVELYN yeah, but why should they? i mean... we're two adults, we ADAM i think this is a bigger discussion than before jenny and phillip get here... /i mean, no, i'd love to have it with you, the discussion, and i agree, somewhat, but EVELYN whatever. / i understand ADAM another time, we'll definitely discuss it. EVELYN another time . . . i'd rather do it. ADAM lemme go check the men’s room . . « (he laughs.) amaze me. you EVELYN ; i'm glad. (beat,) and you amaze me, you do. look at you! ADAM . it’s just a little jogging. EVELYN ‘ no, it’s not. it’s not just that. . . you’re running, you're eating better, are you still lifting? ADAM yeah... i mean, i didn’t today, but... EVELYN that's okay. ADAM no, i’m gonna . . . so, yeah, alright, it’s a whole routine thing. you're right .. EVELYN do you like doing it? ADAM honestly . . . no. i rorally hate it! they laugh. EVELYN so why would you. ..? ADAM because you suggested it. which is kinda pathetic, but true... EVELYNADAM yeah, you should, why not? if it’s for someone i mean, i'm doing it for you. EVELYN it’s a life change. really .. . ADAM right. EVELYN { gave you a couple ideas and you're changing your entire life. i'm very proud of you. ADAM thank you... (cockney) . . . "enry ’iggins, EVELYN what's that? who’s . ADAM nothing. from a book. play, actually, EVELYN ot. (beat.) are you keeping your journal? it really does help... ADAM yes. EVELYN will you let me read it? ADAM ++. Some time. EVELYN good. they stand for a moment. evelyn checks her watch. ADAM and what about you? EVELYN what about me? ADAM that’s what i mean . . . i don’t know. EVELYN what? ADAM nothing. i don’t really know anything about you EVELYN yes, you do! ADAM i don’t, not really . EVELYN what’s my name? ADAM evelyn, EVELYN where am i from?ae ADAM illinois, near chicago? EVELYN yes. how old am i? ADAM ummm .. . twenty-five, maybe. ’ EVELYN that’s exactly right. almost twenty-six, sign? ‘ ADAM gemini, i think . : EVELYN the twins, yes. ADAM does that mean you have a split personality? EVELYN no, it means i was born in june. ADAM oh, (beat.) and you’ artist) YOU what, a sculprress, right? an : EVELYN Yep. anything else you wanna know? A oe DAM everything! EVELYN so ask then ADAM well... why are you always asking me questions if it’s no big deal. EVELYN because you make me curious. . . i'm a curious person. ADAM i'm curious, too, though! EVELYN like i said . . . so ask then. ADAM why do you like me? EVELYN what? ADAM me... why would you like me? i’m not anything, imean ... and you're so. . EVELYN don’t do that, okay? that’s the only thing about you i don’t like .. . what you see in yourself. or don't see. your insecurities, (beat.) do you like me? ADAM of course, you know ido... EVELYN do i appear to like you? hmm? ADAM yes... it seems like it, yeah.: EVELYN do like you. do you think i'm smart? a ADAM i thi < i ink you're amazing... and you have a great ass just thought you should know EVELYN not part of my query, but thank you, ao welcome . . a EVELYN and do i seem to know my ow: ? i me: no ul m mind? i mean, : ADAM no question. el EVELYN » don’t you trust me, then, to know how i feel? ADAM yeah. no, you're right ae EVELYN worry about why when what is sight in front of you EVELY. (playfully) kiss me, grasshopper, they start to kiss again as a young couple approaches. JENNY ah, ah, ah... p.d.a. PHILLIP i don’t think anybody wants to watch you kiss, adam... we'll be eating soon. ADAM hey, phillip, hello! evelyn, this is phillip, and his fiancée, jenny . ‘hellos’ all round. PHILLIP so, we should grab a table, and . . . (stopping to look) adam, what’s up with you? d’you lost weight? ADAM . alittle, maybe. JENNY no, he cut his hair . .. or something. that’s it, right? ADAM umm, yeah. i mean, both, sort of. PHILLIP huh, okay, so, let's .. . come on. jenny and phillip lead the way. evelyn stares at adam as they follow; he pulls a twenty out of his pocket and places it in her hand.A LIVING ROOM adam and evelyn sittin, o opposing chairs. everyone holden cieke) nd Peli in ADAM So, tell me this again, you're going to what? PHILLIP und ” Srwater. we're going to get married underwater 7 ADAM you've gotta be kidding me! PHILLIP, like those life magazine photos you see or whatever. seriously. JENNY We wanted to try something bold EVELYN that oughta do it. ADAM this is crazy, really. and, so, if we want to attend we ha is is lly. and, : have to.. PHILLIP ++ get in the tank with us. you bet F yenny no, honey, i thought we said. PHILLIP . . we haven’t, okay, no, we haven't settled that part completely, but . JENNY my dad could never do that. imean, my mom would try, she would, but dad . PHILLIP maybe people can watch from the glass window things or whatever, but i'd prefer if they came in with us... (be drains his glass, looking at adam.) ADAM that is nuts EVELYN i applaud you, i think it’s very... PHILLIP (to evelyn) yeah, well, don’t expect my buddy here to follow in our footsteps. he’s the least adventurous person iknow... EVELYN really? PHILLIP absolutely! and the marriage thing? uh-uh, not gonna happen, sorry. i don’t know how many nights i listened to this guy say, ‘not me, man, i'm never getting hooked, no way, man... EVELYN is that right? well, well .listen, don’ nae ” don't encourage him. my roommate doesn’t need any... PHILLIP +++ former room-mate . ; - ; More encouragement. (beat,) i’ in one of those wet suits, PHILLIP hey, let's not be a party-pooper here, my friend could've been you, » this adam laughs thinly; evelyn doesn't understand, iknow, iknow... “DAM a PHILLIP * Ev i'm lost. what's... rail Pamir i stole jenny away from adam. a come on a 7 Pn ‘did! (t0 jenny) didn't 2? JENNY no, you didn’t, stop being . . . (to evelyn) adam and i had a class together, but he never got up the nerve to ask me out. EVELYN is that true? ADAM something like that jenny four months we sat next to each other ~ i'm borrowing his pen, like, all the time, hint-hint — and he’s this total monk the whole semester . . . anyway, phil picks him up from class one day, sees me, and we went to the movies that same night. PHILLIP icannot tell a lie. . . i've got the moves, god help me. ADAM god help all of us a collective laugh. EVELYN well, like i said, i think it’s great. it’s really amazing, it is, to find anybody willing to take a risk today. to look a little silly or different or anything. bravo! (toasts.) to people with balls they all toast, even phillip with his empty glass, but he looks over at adam. adam blushes.eee PHILLIP ‘balls,’ huh? yep, that’s my jenny .. jenny slaps him on the shoulder and blushes again, EVELYN you know what i mean. guts. that kinda thing .. JENNY right. i got it, PHILLIP (toasting) ‘to balls, long may they wave...” they all smile and ‘mock’ drink again, Zl tell you what took some balls, the museum thin few weeks back, with the... balls. you guys read soout #21 i mean, adam, of course you did, i but ~ evelyn, you hear about iy 7" WOTK there, JENNY (cobispering) the penis ... EVELYN (whispering) yes, i did. why are we whispering? : 7 Puiu cause you don’t say ‘penis’ in jenny’s house, but we's at my place now, and so we sing it from the caves! ‘penist! pe-nis! ADAM okay, bar’s closing, last call 7 EVELYN i'm an artist, so i didn’t . 30 PHILP no, seriously, do you believe that shit? somebody with the gall to do that kinda bullshit on our campus?! that fucking burns me up ADAM we should probably get, umm . . . PHILLIP .- What does that mean, anyway? ‘i’m an artist?” EVELYN it means nothing, really, just that i understand the impulse... PHILLIP you what?! ADAM evelyn, maybe we should . . PHILLIP no, wait adam, i wanna hear . . . what impulse?” it’s called ‘vandalism.” yeNny does anyone want dessert? phillip holds up a hand to bush the group. he turns back to evelyn. PHILLIP no, hold on, this is rich. go ahead . . EVELYN just that . . . i don’t think it was just kids playing. i think it was a sort of statement, a kind of . . 3rPHILLIP a statement? EVELYN yeah,ido... JENNY what kind of statement would that be? it was pornography . .. EVELYN no, it wasn’t, ; JENNY yes, it was... EVELYN Pornography is meant to titillate, to excit see a picture of what happened? ene PHILLIP we did, yeah... ; : EVELYN loes a penis excite you? i mean, just any ol” penis? i PHILLIP you're funny. and that’s not the point. EVELYN it’s totally the point . .. how about you, j se you, jenny, did yé like what you saw? did it get you hot? ns : PHILLIP, this is, like, uncalled for, okay? all she said was . . EVELYN i know what she said, why don’t you let her speak? (to jenny) did you wanna say anything else? huh? okay, then . .. all i'm saying is that, in my opinion, it wasn't pornography, it was a statement. of course, that’s the beauty of statements, like art, they’re subjective. you and ican think completely different things and we can both be right . .. unless, and this seems quite probable, you just can’t stand to lose an argument. quiet for a moment from the group. PHILLIP wow. the postgraduate mind at work... ADAM Pll help you get dessert, jenny, if you want to... JENNY . i still don’t think that makes it a statement. it’s graffiti. EVELYN what do you mean, it would be a huge statement especially for a town like this. PHILLIP hey, some of us are from ‘a town like this,’ so maybe you should watch it. EVELYN well, we've all gotta be from somewhere . PHILLIP what do you mean by that?EVELYN i mean, it’s a little college town in the middle of nowhere and... PHILLIP one you chose, presumably . EVELYN no, it chose me, actually. full scholarship. so, as i was saying... PHILLIP you've got a real winning way, you know that? ADAM look, phil, it’s no big deal, let’s just... PHILLIP which ‘take back the night’ rally did you find her at, adam? EVELYN . - can i finish, please?! jesus, you're really the obnoxious type, you know that? (to adam) how long did you have to stomach this guy? everyone except evelyn sort of freezes on that one. ADAM evelyn, EVELYN anyhow, who knows what the person was saying by it, we don't, bur i think it was a gesture. a kind of manifesto, if you will . PHILLIP (dryly) i don’t think a person’s dick can be a manifesto. uh-uh. you can write a manifesto on your thing, but your thing can’t be one . . . ’'m sure i read that somewhere. EVELYN see? you're just trying to be . PHILLIP ‘m not trying to be anything! who the hell do you think you are, a few double dates and telling me anything about who i am? un-fucking-believable! JENNY this is getting a little, ahh. .. PHIL? . adam, you can really pick °em. wow, man! ADAM look, it’s nor, ler’s just forget the . EVELYN you're not gonna take his side in this, are you? ADAM i im not taking sides, i'm trying to get outta here with just a touch of dignity, okay? jesus. . JENNY ?’ve got a test tomorrow, anyway . . . PHILLIP ‘statement,’ she says!EVELYN shut the fuck up, alright? just fuck right off... how would you know? i think she was making one, so that’s my opinion . . ADAM jenny, thanks for everything, phillip, i'll call ya, or whatever, but we're gonna. . . PHILLIP yeah? how do you know it was a girl? EVELYN i don’t. i didn’t say it was a woman. PHILLIP girl, woman, whatever. you said ‘she,’ how do you know that? EVELYN i don’t, i just said. it’s a guess. what it was, where it was placed. an educated guess PHILLIP you are not... . she’s not trying to take a poke at my being an undergrad, is she? adam, tell me she didn’t just JENNY can we stop, now, please?! you guys ... ADAM evelyn, let’s go... PHILLIP hey, artiste... how'd you know it was a woman who painted the cock, huh? verv varv eneninie he EVELYN you are such a prick, man, how do you go on, day after day? (to adam) let’s go... (she rises, snatches up her things and moves toward the door.) adam? are you coming? ADAM eZ i'm... yeah, but, just go. i'll meet you downstairs, i just wanna... go ahead. EVELYN ee "kay, (to jenny) your're very sweet. good luck . . . i don’t think that’s gonna be enough, but sll wish i on you. she heads for the door and exits. PHILLIP ‘good luck.’ hey, fuck. you! (to adam) where in hell did you meet that bitch?! / what'd she do, give you a haircut and a blow job and now you're her puppy?! / you don’t have to go... ADAM .. at the museum. / no, ?’m not her. . . (to jenny) the wedding sounds great. really . . . it sounds. . . yeah. he wanders off. phillip and jenny sit in silence. PHILLIP ... what?