‘Gatecrashers’

A comedy-drama in one-act

by

Peter Pitt

Copyright © August 2015 Peter Pitt and Off The Wall Play Publishers

http://offthewallplays.com

Synopsis

After attending a reception for a Jewish wedding, an elderly couple are making
their way to the car park when a hotel employee stops them and requests that
they accompany him to the manager’s office. Apparently, there has been a robbery
and Faye and Sidney are suspects.
Gatecrashers

CAST (In order of appearance)

Faye Smith, 60’s,

) Husband and Wife.
Sidney Smith, 60’s,

George Dean 40’s Hotel security.

Maureen 18/20. Waitress.

Corsinni 40’s Manager.

Mary 50’s Room maid.

Setting - Hotel manager’s office.

Time - The present.

 GATECRASHERS

PRODUCTION NOTES

Set: Fairly smart office of hotel manager. Just one door leads to a corridor.

Furniture: Large desk, settee and perhaps a hat & coat stand and a couple
more chairs.

Wardrobe:
Faye : Darkish blue, evening or cocktail dress.
Stanley: Dinner suit.
Dean: Dark suit.
Maureen: Waitress uniform.
Corsinni: Smart suit.
Mary: Housemaid’s outfit.

Props: Wooden nameplate that reads; Bruno Corsinni manager.

Telephone.
Business card.
Sheet of paper with guests names.

Effects: Telephone ring.

 ‘GATECRASHERS’

by Peter Pitt.

A hotel manager‘s office. It is furnished with a fairly smart desk, a swivel

chair, a settee and a couple of other chairs. There is one door. On the desk
is a telephone and other writing apparel. Also a nameplate which reads
BRUNO CORSINNI , Manager. The door opens and Faye and Sidney enter,
they are followed by Dean. Both Faye and Sidney are wearing evening dress.

Dean If you would both take a seat (He indicates the settee) the manager will
be with you in a moment.
Sidney Can’t you tell me what this is about?
Dean If you’d be good enough to wait, sir, he won’t be long.

Dean opens door to leave but notices someone outside.

Dean Ah, Maureen, could you stay with this lady and gentleman whilst I find
Mr Corsinni.

Maureen, an employee, enters and Dean exits. Faye sits on the settee followed by
Sidney. Maureen stands there looking a little awkward.

Faye I suppose you don’t why we’ve been brought here?

Maureen ’Fraid not.
Sidney Who was that man?
Maureen That was Mr Dean, he’s in charge of security.
Sidney Security!
Maureen Yes, I don’t really know him though.
Faye (Pause) We saw you downstairs at the reception, didn’t we?
Maureen Yes that’s right, I was helping out.
Faye So, you’re a waitress?
Maureen Yes.
Faye (Pause) Do you like it here?
Maureen Oh yes, it’s very posh.
Sidney (Smiling) So you think it’s posh here, do you?
Maureen Well it’s much nicer than the café where I was before.
Faye And do you think we are posh?
Maureen Well, yes.
Faye Why?
Maureen Well…from the way you’re dressed.
Faye (Standing up) But we’re only dressed like this as we’ve been attending a
wedding reception, otherwise we’re just ordinary people.
Sidney You don’t have to rub it in, dear.
 2.

Maureen It must have been a very special wedding. Was the bride a princess?
Sidney (Chuckles) No, not in the way you mean.
Faye This was not a particularly special wedding, the same as many others.
Sidney (Standing up) We came here some weeks ago to a much grander affair than
this. Dom Perignon flowed like water.
Faye And the pastries were out of this world.
Maureen I wasn’t here then, but today’s looked pretty grand to me - all that food.
Faye It’s obvious you haven’t helped cater for a Jewish wedding before.
Maureen No, I haven’t. They did a wedding at the caff I worked, but it was
nothing like this.
Faye (Standing up) And that was just the reception you saw. They’ll be serving
the meal soon.
Maureen Phew. And why aren’t you having it?
Sidney (Quickly) No. No we couldn’t stay, have to be somewhere and we’ve been
held up long enough. Are you sure you don’t know why we’ve been brought here?
Maureen No, sir.
Faye Maybe they wish to apologise for that maniac who almost ran us down in
the car park.
Sidney I doubt it, I don’t think anyone saw it.
Faye (Humorously) Then perhaps it was that woman at the reception who was
wearing the same dress as mine, maybe she complained.
Sidney That was a coincidence, wasn’t it?
Faye It’s a wonder it hasn’t happened before.
Sidney I saw you talking to her, what did she say?
Faye Hoped we wouldn’t be sitting at the same table. I asked her which side of
the family she was from and she said they were friends of the groom, so I told her
we were on the bride’s side.
Sidney Good thinking, I suppose we have been lucky that it hasn’t occurred before.

The door opens and Mr Corsinni enters. He addresses Maureen.

Corsinni You may go.

Maureen Yes, sir. (She starts to go)
Corsinni Oh, err, Miss, (Maureen stops and Corsinni speaks quietly to her) Will
you ask Miss ….. (We are unable to hear the rest of his dialogue)
Maureen Yes, sir. (Maureen exits)

Corsinni turns towards Sidney and Faye, he points to the settee.

Corsinni Please sit down. I’m sorry to have kept you.

Sidney I want to know why we have been brought here?
 3.

Corsinni If you will take a seat, I will explain.

Faye and Sidney sit on the settee. Cosinni sits at his desk.

Corsinni I am sorry if you have been inconvenienced, but there has been an
incident.
Sidney Incident! What’s that got to do with us?
Corsinni Nothing dear sir, I hope. But we’ve had a robbery at the hotel.
Sidney (Shocked) Well, you don’t think we had anything to do with it, do you?
Corsinni I’m sorry to have to question you, but you were seen leaving the hotel.
Sidney So what? We were on our way to the car park. (Standing up) I resent your
implication. What right do you have to question us?
Faye (Standing up) Calm yourself, Sidney, he isn’t accusing us.
Corsinni No, no certainly not. (He stands up and moves to the front of the desk)
It was just you happened to be seen leaving shortly after our discovery of the theft,
and that you were wearing evening dress.

Sidney is about to speak but Faye puts her hand of his arm and stops him.

Corsinni We believe a couple in evening dress were seen in the corridor near to
room where the robbery took place, and the lady was wearing a blue dress.
Faye That was not us. I assure you.
Corsinni (Pause) Are you residents in the hotel?
Sidney No, we’re not.
Corsinni Then, perhaps you could give me your address?
Sidney I really don’t see why, but if that’s what you want. (Taking out his wallet
and giving a business card to Corsinni, who barely looks at it.)
Corsinni Thank you. May I ask what you were both doing here?
Faye We came to the wedding reception.
Corsinni Then why are you leaving?
Sidney Well …. it was because we ….
Corsinni (Interrupting) You found something wrong with the food?
Sidney (Hesitatingly) No, I wouldn’t say that.
Cortinni But you weren’t happy with it?
Sidney Yes, I mean, no, it was….
Cortinni (Excited) Then it was the food. (Sidney shakes his head) You decided that
something wasn’t right. (Sidney again shakes his head) The vol-au-vents,
that was it, wasn’t it? (Sidney is about to speak) The canapés, the vienna’s.
(Sidney shakes his head. Corsinni looks aghast) Not the rollmops?
Sidney They were all….
Cortinni I assure you everything was prepared correctly, strictly Kosher,
under the Beth Din. I can show you…
Sidney (Shouting) There was nothing wrong with the food at the reception.
Corsinni (Shouting) Then why were you leaving?
 4.

Faye Well, it was because we …

Sidney (Interrupting) My wife developed a head ache, we decided to leave.
Corsinni I see. (Looks at Faye for a moment) Are you able to tell me the name of
wedding couple?
Faye It’s err… Samuels.
Corsinni Their name is Samuelson.
Sidney That’s right, she meant Samuelson.
Corsinni And what would be your name?
Sidney It’s on the card I gave you.
Corsinni (Slight smile as he looks at card) Smith!
Sidney You find that amusing?
Corsinni No sir, certainly not, but could I also have your first names?
Faye Faye and Sidney.
Sidney I object to all this… (He is interrupted by a knock at the door)
Corsinni You may enter.

Maureen enters, she hands a sheet of paper to Corsinni.

Maureen The list you asked for, Mr Corsinni.

Corsinni Thank you, you can go.

Maureen exits.

Sidney I really do object to this questioning. All we were doing was attending
a wedding reception.
Corsinni (Still looking at list given him) So that’s all you were doing?
Faye Yes, my husband’s told you.
Sidney It should really be us questioning you. We were nearly run over in
your car park.
Corsinni Is that so. Are you’re sure you didn’t give something to the driver of
the car?
Sidney What are you talking about?
Corsinni In my hand I have a list of the wedding guests. The name of Smith
does not appear on it.

Faye and Sidney glance at each other in despair.

Corsinni You didn’t know their name and you are not on the list. I will have
to inform the police of this matter, they are in the hotel, downstairs.
Faye (To Sidney) I think we’ll have to tell him.
 5.

Sidney, slowly nods his head.

Corsinni So you did take the jewellery?

Sidney (Annoyed) No, of course we didn’t.
Corsinni (To Faye) Then what is it you have to tell me?
Faye You were right Mr Corsinni, we didn’t have an invitation to the wedding
reception.
Corsinni Were you invited to the wedding reception?
Faye No.
Corsinni Then why are you here?
Sidney (Pause) It is something that we do on, some Sunday afternoons.
Corsinni I do not understand.
Faye We come just for the drinks and the nibbles.
Corsinni How’s that, if you don’t know any of the parties?
Faye Oh it’s quite easy. As you know, Jewish Weddings are usually quite large
affairs - the guests include many distant relatives and friends on both sides - so
you don’t expect to know everyone to know each other. As my husband said, we
mingle with the guests and partake in a glass of wine and enjoy the snacks.
Sidney Then, when the toastmaster calls the guests into the main reception for
dinner, we slip away. That’s what we were doing when your man apprehended us.
Corsinni I have never heard of anything so preposterous in my life. You can’t
expect me to believe this story.
Faye But it’s the truth.

There is a knock at the door and Dean enters. He approaches Corsinni.

Dean There has been a development, sir.

Corsinni Tell me.
Dean One of the housemaids noticed from an upstairs window two people running
to a car and driving off quickly. I think that may be our couple.
Corsinni Is she sure about this?
Dean She’s given a statement to the police. I have her outside if you wish to speak
to her.
Corsinni Bring her in.
Dean (Opening the door) Mary, will you come in.

Mary enters, Dean closes the door.

Corsinni Hello Mary, I understand you saw a couple get into a car and drive away.
Mary Yes sir, I did.
Corsinni And this was the lady and gentleman, you saw?