See discussions, stats, and author profiles for this publication at: https://www.researchgate.

net/publication/351195671

Legal-Writing Exercises, Part II

Article  in  New York state bar journal · July 2017

CITATIONS READS
0 22

1 author:

Gerald Lebovits
Columbia University
372 PUBLICATIONS   124 CITATIONS   

SEE PROFILE

Some of the authors of this publication are also working on these related projects:

Table of Contents: New York Residential Landlord-Tenant Law and Procedure—2012-2013 (5th Ed. 2013). View project

All content following this page was uploaded by Gerald Lebovits on 29 April 2021.

The user has requested enhancement of the downloaded file.

 JULY/AUGUST 2017

Journal
VOL. 89 | NO. 6
NEW YORK STATE BAR ASSOCIATION

A “Unique Outlier”: Also in this Issue

Do You Need a Job Coach?
Liability of Pet Owners The Neuroscience of
Start-ups
in New York State General Counsels for
New York Firms
by Matthew J. Kaiser 2016 UM/SUM Law and
Practice
THE LEGAL WRITER
BY GERALD LEBOVITS

Legal-Writing Exercises: Part II

I
n the last issue of the Journal, the 3. The eyewitness provided an iden- 2. The aforementioned parties are
Legal Writer reviewed important tification of the defendant. currently in court.
concepts in legal writing, includ- 4. The judge gave a ruling in favor 3. Henceforth, no water bottles are
ing the passive voice, writing in the of the defense. allowed in the courtroom.
positive, metadiscourse, and gender 5. The attorney has a preference for 4. Enclosed herewith is my applica-
neutrality. This column in our mul- Criminal Court cases. tion for the position of Associate
tipart series will review additional 6. A police officer’s role is the Attorney.
important concepts in legal writing: enforcement of the law.
nominalizations, legalese, cowardly 7. Parents have an obligation to take
qualifiers, and modifiers. At the end care of their children. Writing in legalese
of each section, you’ll be tested on 8. The attorney committed a viola- is a poor form
the concepts you’ve learned, or which tion of ethical rules.
you already know. Edit the sentences: 9. The interns took into consider- of writing.
Change the words, rearrange them, ation that the less they talk to
add or delete them. After you’ve edit- each other, the faster they’ll finish 5. Pursuant to CPLR 3211(a), Mr.
ed the sentences, look at the answers their work. Erikson has no standing to sue.
at the end of the article to determine 10. The requirement for the Associate 6. As stated heretofore, the police
whether you’ve edited them correctly. position is a Juris Doctor degree. had insufficient evidence to arrest
the defendant.
Nominalizations Legalese 7. Both parties accept the agree-
A nominalization occurs when an Writing in legalese is a poor form of ment’s terms and conditions set
added suffix turns a verb into a noun. writing. Not only are legalisms confus- forth herein.
Your writing shouldn’t have any ing, but they also have meanings you 8. Subsequent to the Supreme
nominalizations. They’re wordy and don’t fully grasp. Write in plain Eng- Court’s decision in Obergefell v.
abstract. Use a strong verb rather than a lish using simple and common Anglo- Hodges, every state recognized
noun. You want your sentence to show Saxon words. Writing in plain Eng- same-sex marriage.
action. Example: “The court reached the lish is formal and proper; avoid con- 9. The court requires written affida-
decision that. . . .” becomes “The court versational English. Eliminate words vits of each of the parties hereto.
decided that . . . .” Avoid buried verbs like “aforementioned,” “henceforth,” 10. More documents are required to
that end with these suffixes: “-tion,” “hereinabove,” “whereby,” and “said.” prove a bona fide marriage.
“-sion,” “-ment,” “-ance,” and “-ity.” If you aren’t sure whether a word is
A “be”- verb attached to a clause that legalese, ask yourself whether you’d Cowardly Qualifiers
ends in a preposition should be elim- say it in a formal speech. Because writ- Eliminate doubtful, hedged, timid, and
inated. Example: “Be in attendance” ing is planned, formal speech, you misleading phrases and words: “appar-
becomes “attend.” shouldn’t write it if you wouldn’t say ently,” “as far as I’m concerned,” “basi-
it. Use legal terms only when necessary cally,” “practically,” “it might be said,”
Exercises: Nominalizations for terms of art or words that can’t be “it seems,” “more or less,” “nearly,”
Rewrite the following sentences. translated into plain English. and “somewhat.” Don’t combine let-
1. The intern provided assistance to ters and numbers. Example: “four (4).”
the attorney. Exercises: Legalese Eliminate cowardly expressions: “at
2. The committee members said Rewrite the following sentences. or near,” “on or about,” and “on or
they’ll take my application into 1. Interns may dress casually on Fri- before.” These expressions should
consideration. days, as per the Judge. Continued on Page 57

64 | July/August 2017 | NYSBA Journal

The Legal Writer
Continued from Page 64 went to a lawyer with legal problems.” 2. The defendant only pleaded guilty
be used only when writing a com- By writing the sentence this way, the to two charges, not them all.
plaint and the exact places or times are reader will believe that the lawyer, not 3. Jurors are vigilantly encouraged to
unknown. When discussing an excep- you, has legal problems. read through documents.
tion to a rule rather than the rule, use A squinting modifier can refer to 4. Knowing that the defendant isn’t
“generally,” “typically,” and “usually.” the word before it or the word after liable, the case went to trial.
Example: “Generally, we only allow cus- it. But a modifier should modify only 5. The victim described her attacker
tomers to use the restrooms. But your one word. Place these modifiers right as having a birthmark on his
emergency situation is an exception.” before or right after the words they cheek, which was shaped like a
modify. Placing the modifiers else- heart.
Exercises: Cowardly Qualifiers where will allow for a meaning differ- 6. After jaywalking the intersection,
Rewrite the following sentences. You ent from what you intended Example: the crossing guard yelled at me
might have to add words to make the “A modifier should only modify one for not paying attention.
sentence readable.
1. The defendant probably pleaded
guilty solely because his attorney Dangling modifiers (dangling participle
told him to plead guilty. phrases) fail to refer logically to any word
2. Apparently, the owner of the store
threatened to shoot the teenager in the sentence.
if the teenager didn’t leave the
premises. word.” Becomes “A modifier should 7. The robber was described as a
3. The accident occurred at or near modify only one word” because we short man with a heavy accent
the intersection of Union Turn- want to place emphasize on “one weighing about 130 pounds.
pike and Springfield Boulevard. word.” Squinting modifiers include 8. Many students have, by the time
4. It appears that the plaintiff had “almost,” “also,” “even,” “exactly,” they completed law school, had
back injuries before the accident. “hardly,” “just,” “merely,” “nearly,” internships in the field.
5. Seven (7) college students were “scarcely,” “simply,” “solely.” 9. The lawyer walked toward the
arrested on hazing charges. Dangling modifiers (dangling par- bench wearing a blue suit.
6. The judge seems to question ticiple phrases) fail to refer logically 10. The judge told the attorneys when
whether the plaintiff is telling the to any word in the sentence. Example: the trial was over that he would
truth about what happened the “Though only 18, the judge found the send the decision in the mail.
night of the accident. young defendant guilty on all charg- Now that you’ve completed the
7. The defendant is a somewhat es.” This sentence suggests that the exercises (we hope you didn’t peek at
admirable character. judge is only 18 years old. You have the answers), study the answers and
8. The witness basically confirmed two ways to fix dangling modifiers: reread your writing to practice your
the facts about the crime without (1) include the subject of the sentence; skills.
offering any new information. or (2) turn the modifier into a word In the next issue of the Journal, the
9. As far as a judge is concerned, a group and include the subject. Cor- Legal Writer will offer more exercises.
defendant is innocent until prov- rected version: “Although the defendant
en guilty. was only 18, the judge found him Answers: Nominalizations
10. Evidently, the defendant was guilty on all charges.” Dangling parti- 1. The nominalization is “assis-
distraught after hearing the jury’s ciples describe something left out of a tance.” Choose the strong verb
verdict. sentence. Example: “Writing carefully, “assist.” Corrected Version: The
dangling participles must be avoided.” intern assisted (or, better, helped)
Modifiers This phrase dangles; it doesn’t answer the attorney.
Modifiers are words, phrases, or claus- who writes carefully or who must 2. The nominalization is “consid-
es that act as adjectives or adverbs. avoid dangling participles. Corrected eration.” Choose the strong verb
Modifiers should point clearly to the version: “To write carefully, one must “consider.” Corrected Version: The
words they modify. Modifiers can be avoid dangling participles.” To fix dan- committee members said they’d
misplaced, squinting, or dangling. gling participles, identify who’s doing consider my application.
Place modifiers next to the words they what to whom to point out clearly the 3. The nominalization is “identifi-
modify. subject and avoid double passives. cation.” Choose the strong verb
Misplaced modifiers are placed too “identify.” Corrected Version: The
far from the word or words they mod- Exercises: Modifiers
ify. Misreadings arise when phrases 1. Answering questions can be diffi-
or words are misplaced. Example: “I cult during cross-examination. Continued on Page 58

NYSBA Journal | July/August 2017 | 57

The Legal Writer
Continued from Page 57 is my application for the position Union Turnpike and Springfield
of Associate Attorney. Or, better, Boulevard.
eyewitness identified the defen- Enclosed is my application for the 4. Eliminate “it appears.” Corrected
dant. Associate Attorney position. Version: The plaintiff had back
4. The nominalization is “ruling,” 5. Rather than “pursuant,” use a injuries before the accident.
even though it isn’t one of the common and simple word like 5. Don’t combine numbers and let-
more common suffixes. Choose “under.” Corrected Version: Under ters. Eliminate “(7).” Corrected
the strong verb “ruled.” Corrected CPLR 3211(a), Mr. Erikson has no Version: Seven college students
Version: The judge ruled for the standing to sue. were arrested on hazing charges.
defense. 6. The phrase “as stated heretofore” 6. Remove “seems to” because it’s
5. The nominalization is “prefer- adds nothing to the sentence. a cowardly qualifier. Corrected
ence.” Choose the strong verb Delete it. Corrected Version: The Version: The judge questioned
“prefer.” Corrected Version: The police had insufficient evidence to whether the plaintiff told the
attorney prefers Criminal Court arrest the defendant. truth about what happened the
cases. 7. The phrase “set forth herein” is night of the accident.
6. The nominalization is “enforce- legalese. It’ll confuse many read- 7. Avoid constructing meaning
ment.” Choose the strong verb ers and is unnecessary to under- by employing a not-quite-right
“enforce.” Corrected Version: police stand the sentence. Corrected Ver- word with a qualifier that adds
officer’s role is to enforce the law. sion: Both parties accept the agree- strength or tones down a noun
7. The nominalization is “obliga- ment’s terms and conditions. or verb. It’s important to employ
tion.” Choose the strong verb 8. Just as you should replace “prior words that create a precise mean-
“obligate.” Corrected Version: to” with “before,” replace “sub- ing. Corrected Version: The defen-
Parents are obligated to take care sequent to” with “after.” Cor- dant is a sympathetic character.
of their children. rected Version: After the Supreme 8. Remove “basically.” Corrected
8. The nominalization is “violation.” Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Version: The witness confirmed
Choose the strong verb “violate.” Hodges, every state recognized the facts about the crime without
Corrected Version: The attorney same-sex marriage. offering any new information.
violated the ethical rules. 9. Eliminate “hereto.” It’s unneces- 9. Eliminate “as far as a judge is
9. The nominalization is “consid- sary to the sentence. Corrected concerned.” It’s an unnecessary
eration.” Choose the strong verb Version: The court requires written and cowardly qualifier. Corrected
“consider.” Corrected Version: The affidavits of each of the parties. Version: A defendant is innocent
interns considered that the less 10. Nothing screams, “I’m writing in until proven guilty.
they talk to each other, the faster legalese” like Latin phrases. Elim- 10. Remove “evidently.” Corrected
they’ll finish their work. inate all Latin phrases from your Version: The defendant was dis-
10. The nominalization is “require- legal writing. Corrected Version: traught after hearing the jury’s
ment.” Choose the strong verb More documents are required verdict.
“require.” Corrected Version: The to prove that the marriage was
Associate position requires a Juris entered into validly and in good Answers: Modifiers
Doctor degree. faith. 1. Repositioning “during cross-
examination” is essential to avoid
Answers: Legalese Answers: Cowardly Qualifiers misplacing modifiers. Corrected
1. “As per the Judge” can be elimi- 1. Eliminate “probably” to avoid Version: Answering questions
nated. Corrected Version: Interns uncertainty. Corrected Version: The during cross-examination can be
may dress casually on Fridays. defendant pleaded guilty solely difficult.
2. Two words in this sentence because his attorney told him to 2. This sentence is ambiguous.
should be eliminated: “aforemen- plead guilty. “Only” is a squinting modifier. In
tioned” and “currently.” Both are 2. Get rid of “apparently.” Corrected this case, it limits the word “two”
unnecessary and wordy. Corrected Version: The owner of the store and should be placed right before
Version: The parties are in court. threatened to shoot the teenager it. Corrected Version: The defen-
3. You wouldn’t use “henceforth” if the teenager didn’t leave the dant pleaded guilty only to two
in a formal speech, so don’t write premises. charges, not them all.
it. Corrected Version: No water 3. “At or near” is a cowardly 3. The word “vigilantly” should be
bottles are allowed in the court- expression. Eliminate it; the exact placed next to the word “docu-
room. place of the accident is known. ments.” “Vigilantly” describes
4. “Herewith” is a useless legal- Corrected Version: The accident how the documents should be
ism. Corrected Version: Enclosed occurred at the intersection of read. Corrected Version: Jurors are

58 | July/August 2017 | NYSBA Journal

 encouraged to read documents ing guard jaywalked. Add a word misplaced phrase by placing it
vigilantly. group in the opening phrase that near the subject. Corrected Version:
4. The initial phrase “knowing that introduces the subject. Corrected The lawyer wearing a blue suit
the defendant was not liable” is a Version: After I jaywalked the walked toward the bench.
dangling participle. The sentence intersection, the crossing guard 10. This sentence is unclear because
must be rephrased to give the yelled at me for not paying atten- of a squinting modifier. This sen-
phrase something or someone to tion. tence can describe two different
modify. Corrected Version: Know- 7. This sentence suggests that the situations depending on where
ing that the defendant isn’t liable, accent weighed 130 pounds. Make the modifier is placed. Corrected
defendant’s attorney requested a this sentence clear by placing the Version: When the trial was over,
trial. modifier next to the word it modi- the judge told the attorneys that
5. This sentence suggests that the fies. Corrected Version: The robber he would mail the decision. OR
cheek was shaped like a heart. was described as a 130-pound The judge told the attorneys that
Correctly replace the modifier short man with a heavy accent. he would mail the decision when
to clarify the sentence. Corrected 8. The helping verb “have” should the trial was over. n
Version: The victim described her be closer to the verb “had” to
attacker as having a birthmark make the sentence clearer. Correct-
Gerald Lebovits (GLebovits@aol.com), an act-
shaped like a heart on his cheek. ed Version: By the time they com- ing Supreme Court justice in Manhattan, is an
6. This sentence states that the plete law school, many students adjunct at Columbia, Fordham, and NYU law
crossing guard yelled at me after have had internships in the field. schools. He thanks judicial intern Alexandra
jaywalking. It’s unclear whether 9. This sentence states that the bench Dardac (Fordham University) for her research.
I jaywalked or whether the cross- is wearing a blue suit. Correct the

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

The New York State Bar Association’s Lawyer Assistance Program can help.

We understand the competition,

constant stress, and high expectations
you face as a lawyer, judge or law
student. Sometimes the most
difficult trials happen outside the
court. Unmanaged stress can lead
to problems such as substance
abuse and depression.

NYSBA’s LAP offers free, confidential

help. All LAP services are confidential
and protected under section 499 of
the Judiciary Law.

Call 1.800.255.0569
NEW YORK STATE BAR ASSOCIATION
LAWYER ASSISTANCE PROGRAM

NYSBA Journal | July/August 2017 | 59

View publication stats