O

Marriage and the Family

by Charles Belmonte
356 Contents O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Part I: THE PLAN OF GOD FOR MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

29. MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILy

1. God, the Creator of Man ....................................................................361
2. Marriage Is a Person‑affirming Reality ...........................................363
3. Marriage Is a Love‑enabling Reality ................................................363
3a) What Love Is Not .......................................................................363
3b) Progress of Genuine Love .........................................................364
3c) Communion of Persons, Not of Bodies...................................364
3d) Complementarity of the Two Sexes .........................................365
3e) Virginal Love...............................................................................366
4. Conjugal Love .....................................................................................366
5. The Marital Consent Generates a Permanent Bond ........................367
5a) Characteristics of Married Love...............................................368
6. Marriage Is a Life‑giving Reality ......................................................369
7. The Causes of Marriage .....................................................................369
8. The Elements of the Conjugal Community.....................................370
8a) Marriage Cannot Be Identified with Love ..............................371
9. Human Nature Was Damaged by Sin and Restored by Grace ...371
9a) God Restored Marriage to Its Former Dignity.......................371
10. Christian Marriage Is a Sanctifying Reality ....................................372
10a) Christian Marriage, a Way to Holiness ...................................373
11. The Blessings of Marriage .................................................................374
12. Can Marriage Go Wrong? ..................................................................375

30. THE FAMILy, A COMMUNITy OF LIFE AND LOVE

13. Marriage Results in the Family .........................................................376
14. Human Beings Need to Grow in Families ......................................377
15. Trinitarian Origin of the Family........................................................377
15a) The Imprints of God’s Intra-Trinitarian Life ..........................377
15b) God and the Family ...................................................................378
16. Two False Conceptions of Family.....................................................378
17. The Family, Open to Life....................................................................379
18. The Family, a Community .................................................................380
18a) To Form a Christian Family, a Divine Vocation .....................380

Part II THE MISSION OF THE FAMILY:

FORMING A COMMUNITY OF PERSONS
19. The Role of the Family .......................................................................382

31. FORMING A COMMUNITy OF PERSONS

20. Love, the Principle and Strength of the Family ..............................383
21. Conjugal Love Expands into Family Love ......................................385
 357

22. Conditions for the Development of the Community ....................385

22a) Unity ............................................................................................386
22b) Indissolubility .............................................................................386
23. The School of Deeper Humanity ......................................................387
24. The Role of the Woman ......................................................................388
25. Men as Husbands and Fathers..........................................................389
26. The Rights and Duties of Parents .....................................................390
27. Attacks Against the Rights of the Parents .......................................391
28. The Rights of the Children ................................................................391
29. The Elderly in the Family ..................................................................392

Part III MISSION OF THE FAMILY: SERVING LIFE

32. HUMAN PROCREATION
30. The Dignity of Human Procreation..................................................394
30a) Love and Human Sexuality ......................................................394
30b) Life, a Gift of God.......................................................................396
31. Attacks on the Dignity of Human Procreation ...............................396
32. The Church Stands for Life ...............................................................397
33. Harmony between Transmission of Life and Married Love ........397
34. The Procreative and Unitive Aspects ...............................................398
34a) The Two Aspects of the Conjugal Act .....................................398
34b) Inseparability ..............................................................................398
34c) The Language of the Body ........................................................399
35. The Role of the Church as Teacher and Mother .............................399
36. The Virtue of Chastity ........................................................................400
36a) Chastity in Marriage ..................................................................400
36b) Offenses against Chastity ..........................................................401

33. TRANSMISSION OF LIFE: RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD

37. Meaning of Responsible Parenthood ...............................................404
37a) How Responsible Parenthood Is Exercised ............................405
37b) The Decision to Raise a Large Family .....................................406
37c) Grave Reasons to Avoid a New Birth ......................................407
37d) Respect for the Moral Law ........................................................407
38. The Judgment of the Consciences of the Spouses ..........................408
39. Demographic Regulation...................................................................409

34. TRANSMISSION AND PRESERVATION OF LIFE:

CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION
40. Contraception ......................................................................................410
41. Morality of Contraception .................................................................412
42. Abortion ..............................................................................................413
43. Mechanism of Contraceptive and Abortifacient Pills....................416
358 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

43a) Direct Abortifacients ..................................................................417

43b) Truth and the Pill........................................................................418
43c) Regulation of Periods ................................................................418
44. Sterilization ..........................................................................................418
45. Use of Condoms ..................................................................................419
46. Other Sins against Life .......................................................................419

35. TRANSMISSION OF LIFE: NATURAL

REGULATION OF FERTILITy
47. The Transmission of Human Life .....................................................421
47a) Man’s Role in Reproduction .....................................................421
47b) Woman’s Role in Reproduction: Ovulation and Menstruation......421
47c) The Fertility Cycle ......................................................................421
48. Natural Family Planning ...................................................................422
49. Moral Difference between NFP and Contraception ......................423

36. ARTIFICIAL FERTILIZATION

50. Concept of Artificial Fertilization .....................................................424
51. Artificial Insemination .......................................................................425
51a) Artificial Insemination by the Husband (AIH) ......................426
51b) Artificial Insemination by a Donor (AID)...............................426
52. In Vitro Fertilization (Test Tube Babies) ...........................................427
53. Related Issues ......................................................................................428
53a) Surrogate Motherhood ..............................................................428
53b) Gestation of Human Embryos in Animals .............................428
53c) Cloning ........................................................................................428
53d) Pre‑Nuptial Certificate ..............................................................428
53e) Fertility Tests ...............................................................................429
53f) Prenatal Diagnosis .....................................................................429

37. TRANSMISSION OF LIFE: EDUCATION OF CHILDREN

54. The Role of the Parents ......................................................................430
55. Father and Mother as Educators ......................................................431
56. The Parents Educational Role is Based on the
Sacrament of Matrimony ...................................................................431
57. Relations with Other Educating Agents ..........................................432
57a) The Principle of Subsidiarity ....................................................432
57b) Importance of the School ..........................................................432
58. Content of Formation .........................................................................433
58a) Education in Freedom ...............................................................433
58b) Education in All Virtues ............................................................434
58c) Sexual Education: Situation of the Problem ...........................435
58d) Education for Chastity...............................................................436
CONTENTS 359

PATHS OF FORMATION WITHIN THE FAMILY

59. Formation in the Community of Life and Love .............................436
59a) Self-Control .................................................................................436
60. Decency and Modesty ........................................................................436
61. Parents as Models for Their Children ..............................................437
62. Educators in the Faith and Prayer ....................................................437

LEARNING STAGES
63. Four Principles Regarding Information about Sexuality ..............437
64. Children’s Principal Stages of Development ..................................439
64a) The Years of Innocence ..............................................................439
64b) Puberty .......................................................................................439
64c) Adolescence ................................................................................440
64d) Towards Adulthood ...................................................................441

PRACTICAL GUIDELINES
65. Guidelines for Parents and Educators .............................................442
66. Four Working Principles and Their Particular Norms ..................443
67. Recommended Methods ....................................................................443

Part IV: RELATION BETWEEN THE FAMILY AND SOCIETY

38. PARTICIPATION IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIETy
68. The Family, Origin, and Principle of Society ..................................446
68a) Family Life, an Experience of
Communion and Participation ................................................446
68b) Social and Political Function of the Family ............................447
69. Society at the Service of the Family..................................................447
69a) Complementarity of Functions:
the Principle of Subsidiarity .....................................................447
70. Fundamental Rights of the Family ...................................................448
71. Some Errors on the Concept of Family ............................................448

Part V: THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY IN THE MYSTERY

OF THE CHURCH
39. FAMILy PARTICIPATION IN THE LIFE AND MISSION
OF THE CHURCH
72. Ecclesiastical Identity of the Christian Family ...............................452
73. The Family, Participant of the Mission of the Church ...................453
74. The Ecclesial Mission that is Proper to the Family ........................453
74a) The Supernatural Calling to Sanctity and Apostolate ..........454
75. The Prophetic, Priestly, and Royal Ministry of Jesus Christ .........454
360 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

76. The Family Home: Place and Means of

Sanctification (Priestly Role) .............................................................455
77. The Christian Family as a Believing and
Evangelizing Community (Prophetic Role) ....................................456
78. At the Service of Mankind (Pastoral Mission) ................................456

40. PASTORAL CARE OF THE FAMILy

79. General Principles on the Pastoral Care of the Family..................457
79a) Stages of Pastoral Care ..............................................................457
79b) Structures of Family Pastoral Care .........................................458
80. Pastoral Care of the Family in Difficult Cases ...............................458
81. Pastoral Action in Certain Irregular Situations ..............................459
81a) Trial Marriages............................................................................459
81b) “Free” Unions .............................................................................459
81c) Separated or Divorced Persons Who have not Remarried........459
81d) Civil Marriages and Divorced Persons Who have Remarried .........460
81e) Those Without A Family ...........................................................461
81f) Pastoral Recommendations ......................................................461
 29

Marriage, the Origin

of the Family

IN THE FIRST volume of this work, in the treatise on the sacraments, we have
studied marriage as a natural institution and as a sacrament. That study
should be a preparation for this treatise. In this chapter we shall study
marriage as the origin of the family, its characteristics, and requirements.
We will see that marriage is:
• a person-affirming reality,
• a love-enabling reality,
• a life-giving reality, and
• a sanctifying reality.1

1. God, the Creator of Man

Divine revelation begins with the self-manifestation of God as the
Creator of all things, both spiritual and material: “In the beginning God
created the heavens and the earth” (Gn 1:1).
In a special way, God created the rational creatures with body and
soul. He endowed them with spirit, so that they may share his infinite
happiness. God created spiritual beings—angels and humans—capable of
spiritual knowledge and free volition. Thus, “God created man in his own
image” (Gn 1:27). In this passage, God is revealing to us the individual
and spiritual aspect of human nature: rational intelligence and free will. A
human being is a person.
A complete reading of the passage reveals additional truths about
humanity: “God created man in his own image, in the image of God
he created him; male and female he created them” (Gn 1:27). There is a

1
Cf. W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1995), 16.
362 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

certain parallel between the mysterious divine plurality of Persons within

the transcendental unity of God, and the plurality of human beings—male
and female—destined to the astonishing unity of the human family, which
contains all persons.
Because man, like all creatures, is limited and always in need of
complementing his own limitations, God wanted that another human
being—a woman—should complement, enrich, and help him. God
decreed that man and woman would live a life of love and knowledge in a
natural unity, in a communion. Thus, God established matrimony as a natural
institution. He also determined its essential characteristics and laws.
The intimate partnership of life and the love which constitutes the
married state has been established by the creator and endowed
by him with its own proper laws.… God himself is the author of
marriage.2
There are some who think that matrimony is not a natural reality, but a
changeable cultural trend. They try to manipulate it according to their own
interest, or introduce what they call “alternative lifestyles.”
Among the most difficult challenges facing the Church today is that of
a pervasive individualism, which tends to limit and restrict marriage and
the family to the private sphere.
Many misunderstandings have beset the very idea of “nature.”…
There is a tendency to reduce what is specifically human to the
cultural sphere, claiming a completely autonomous creativity and
efficacy for the person at both the individual and social levels.
From this viewpoint, what is natural becomes merely a physical,
biological, and sociological datum to be technologically manipulated
according to one’s own interest. This opposition between culture
and nature deprives culture of any objective foundation, leaving
it at the mercy of will and power. This can be seen very clearly in
the current attempts to present de facto unions, including those of
homosexuals, as comparable to marriage, whose natural character
is precisely denied.3
“Have not you read that he who made them from the beginning made them
male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’? So they
are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no
man put asunder” (Mt 19:4–6). Jesus said that husband and wife are to be
one. In these passages, we discover one of the properties of this kind of
human love, and, therefore, of marriage: its exclusivity (one man with one
woman), which is the same as its unity or monogamy.

2
GS, 48.
3
John Paul II, Address to the Roman Rota, Feb. 1, 2001.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 363

2. Marriage is a Person-Affirming Reality

Marriage comes into existence when a man and a woman, forswearing
all others, through an act of irrevocable personal consent, freely give
themselves to one another. It is based on a definitive decision, the consent. At
the heart of the act that establishes marriage, there is a free, self-determining
choice on the part of the man and the woman, through which they give
themselves a new and lasting identity. This man becomes this woman’s
husband, and she becomes his wife, and together they become spouses.
This man and this woman are not, for each other, replaceable and
substitutable individuals but are rather irreplaceable and non-
substitutable persons (with the emphasis on “persons”).

Through their own free and self-determining choices, they have

given to themselves and to one another a new kind of identity,
and nothing they subsequently do can change this identity. They
simply cannot unspouse themselves. They cannot make themselves
to be ex-husbands and ex-wives any more than I can make myself
to be an ex-father to the children whom I have begotten. I may be
a bad father, a terrible father, but I am still my children’s father. I
may be a bad husband, a terrible husband, but I am still my wife’s
husband, and she is my wife.4
Marriage is established in and through the free, self-determining personal
choice of the spouses, and thus, it is a person-affirming reality.5

3. Marriage is a Love-Enabling Reality

Marriage, a person‑affirming reality, enables husband and wife to give
to each other the love that is unique and proper to them: conjugal love.
Marriage enables them to give this kind of love because:
• only spouses can give love of this kind;
• what makes a man and a woman spouses is their marriage.
Thus, marriage is a love-enabling reality. Other kinds of love—love of
neighbor, love of one’s children, love of one’s enemies—do not imply the
marriage institution because these are inclusive, not exclusive kinds of
love.

3a) What Love is Not

One of the dominant ideas to which the world is subjected today is the
wrong notion of love. Motion pictures frequently portray love as a feeling
that is so important to achieve happiness.

4
W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 21.
5
Cf. Ibid., 22.
364 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

At other times, love is portrayed as pleasure, a philosophy (called

hedonism) characterized by the belief that maximization of pleasure,
accompanied by the minimization of pain, is the fundamental moral
principle of human life.
Nowadays, for some, love has come to mean having sexual intercourse.
This reduction leaves out values such as fidelity, exclusiveness, dependability,
stability, childbearing, founding of a family, and love of children.

3b) Progress of Genuine Love

Pope John Paul II analyzes the stages of love:
i) The first element in the general analysis of love is attraction, a natural
force that operates in persons.
ii) Desire follows. It becomes a longing for the person, and not a mere
sensual desire (concupiscentia). Human love, however, cannot be reduced
to desire itself: “I want you because you are a good for me.” If desire
is predominant, it can deform love between man and woman and rob
them both of it. Thus, desire should be placed under the control of
reason.
iii) When love is perfected, the subject also longs for the other person’s
good; it becomes love as good will, also called “love of benevolence”
(amor benevolentiae or benevolentia for short).6
Furthermore, love finds its full realization not in an individual subject, but
in a relationship between persons; there must be reciprocity. Love should
be something that exists between man and woman. The structure of love is
an interpersonal communion.
Genuine reciprocity cannot arise from egoism. Each person is called
to love as friendship and self-giving, to the surrender of the “I” to form the
“we”—a communion. This personal surrender is not in the natural order,
or in the physical sense (a person cannot be another’s property). A person
can give himself to another (whether to a human person or to God) at the
level of love, and in a moral sense. This is something different from—and
more than—attraction, desire, or even goodwill.
Moreover, sacrifice has always been the touchstone of authentic human
love. People who love with sacrifice send a message about the nature of
real love and thereby help to strengthen the marriage bond of other people.
Genuine love is, therefore, the fundamental and innate vocation of every
human being.7

3c) Communion of Persons, Not of Bodies

We should not be deceived by the biblical expression “one flesh,” as if
the union of husband and wife were purely physical. The expression one

6
Cf. Bishop Karol Wojtyla (John Paul II), Love and Responsibility, (San Francisco: Ignatius,
1993).
7
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 11.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 365

flesh refers to the complete human person. By creating the human race in his
own image and continually keeping it in being, God inscribed in man and
woman the vocation—and thus the responsibility—of love and communion.
Man is called to love in his unified totality, as a person: body and soul. The
body is made a sharer in spiritual love.8
Bodily life is not merely an instrumental good for the person, but is itself
integral to the person and thus a good of the person. In this personalistic
interpretation, human love embraces the body and soul, and the body also
expresses spiritual love.9
Since the body, male or female, is the expression of the human
person, a man and a woman, in giving their bodies to one another,
give their persons to one another. The bodily gift of a man and a
woman to each other is the outward sign—the sacrament—of the
communion of persons existing between them. And this sacrament,
in turn, is an image of the communion of persons in the Trinity.…
Pope John Paul II calls this capacity of the body to express the
communion of persons the nuptial meaning of the body.10
Summing up, we can say that genuine love must be eminently human,
directed from one person to the other person by an affection rooted in the
will, and embracing the good of the whole person.11
Jesus, besides, explains the original divine design. “For your hardness
of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning
it was not so” (Mt 19:8). The sexual act is truly human only if it is an integral
part of the love by which a man and a woman commit themselves totally
to one another until death. The physical aspect of the sexual act would be a
lie if it were not the sign and fruit of a total self-giving, in which the whole
person is present, everything one is, everything one will be. If anyone were
to withhold something or reserve the possibility of deciding otherwise in the
future, he or she would not be giving totally.12 This total self-giving points
toward the second property of real married love: it is permanent. If it were
temporary, it would not be total. Real marriage is indissoluble. Thus, the
properties of marriage are as follows:
• Exclusivity (unity)
• Permanence (indissolubility)

3d) Complementarity of the Two Sexes

“Sexuality is a fundamental component of personality, one of its modes
of being, of manifestation, of communicating with others, of feeling, of

8
Cf. Ibid.
9
Cf. Ibid.
10
W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 46.
11
Cf. GS, 49.
12
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 11; CCC, 1601–1605.
366 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

expressing and of living human love.”13 Femininity and masculinity are

complementary gifts, through which human sexuality becomes an integral
part of the concrete capacity for the love that God has inscribed in man
and woman.
Sexuality characterizes man and woman not only on the physical
level, but also on the psychological and spiritual, making its
mark on each of their expressions. Such diversity, linked to the
complementarity of the two sexes, allows thorough response to
the design of God according to the vocation to which each one is
called.14
3e) Virginal Love
Revelation clarifies that man’s vocation to love is authentically fulfilled
in its integrity only in marriage and in virginity—in virginity by means of
a direct giving of oneself to God, in marriage by means of a unique form
of self-giving between a man and a woman that is truly human, one quite
different from other kinds of human love. Thus, virginity and marriage are
love-enabling and person-affirming realities.

4. Conjugal Love
Love drives a man and a woman to establish the intimate and permanent
partnership of life, which is marriage. What specifies the community of
marriage—in addition to its destination to the generation and education
of children—is conjugal love. Conjugal love is the faithful and exclusive
love that unites the spouses according to their truth as images of God. It is
characterized by the unity and indissoluble fidelity of the spouses.
Conjugal love is an act of the total person, and not an instinctive impulse.
It embraces the totality of body and soul in the human person.
This love can generate the stable community of life by means of a
conjugal covenant of love and life, marriage,15 which is the initial nucleus
of a family. The family is the necessary “place” where the children—fruit
of the spouses’ mutual love—are born and formed.
Marriage is established by the consent. Independently of their prior love
as fiancés, the spouses bind themselves with mutual love, which from then
on will be owed as a commandment. Love, with its unity and exclusivity, is
an intrinsic requirement of this conjugal community. But it could be lacking,
being a good that is entrusted to human freedom.
In Christian marriage, this love is assumed by Christ, who purifies it
and elevates it, leading it to perfection through the sacrament of marriage

13
Congregation for Catholic Education, Educational Guidance in Human Love, 4.
14
Ibid., 5; cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 13.
15
Cf. GS, 48.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 367

in order to establish “a new communion of love that is the living and real
image of that unique unity which makes of the Church the indivisible
Mystical Body of the Lord Jesus.”16

5. The Marital Consent Generates a Permanent Bond

By its nature, marriage is ordered toward the good of the spouses, and
the procreation and education of offspring.17
To fill up the Kingdom of heaven, divine providence wanted to use
the free cooperation of human beings. God created matrimony as a natural
institution to protect that cooperation from the possible vagaries of impulses
and caprice, and to make it permanent.
As we have seen, the essence of marriage in fieri (in its making) is the
legitimate manifestation of mutual consent, that is, the marriage covenant
or contract. Love is the object of the consent. The consent generates a
permanent bond, which is the essence of marriage in facto esse (already done).
Thus, love results in the matrimonial institution. It then becomes conjugal love,
which is destined to grow by its generous exercise.18

The result of the spouses’ total self-giving is the child, a human person
who is not only a biological organism, but also a spiritual entity with a
series of personal values. For the harmonious growth of these values, a
persevering and unified contribution by both parents is necessary. Marriage
is the only “place” in which this total self-giving in its whole truth is
possible. To be genuine, human love and marriage must be exclusive (one
man with one woman), permanent, and open to life. Or, in equivalent
terms, it demands:
• unity and indissoluble faithfulness,
• openness to fertility.19

16
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 19; cf. Ramón García de Haro, Marriage and
the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 343; GS, 48.
17
Cf. CCC, 1601; CIC, 1055; GS 48.
18
Cf. GS, 49.
19
Cf. CCC, 1643.
368 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

5a) Characteristics of Married Love

The encyclical Humanae Vitae lists the marks and demands of conjugal
love:
• It is human love (physical and spiritual).
• It is total.
• It is faithful.
• It is fruitful.20
The first three correspond to unity and indissoluble fidelity. All these goods
of conjugal love are also goods of marriage.

(1) It is human.
Conjugal love is described as fully human, encompassing the entire
person, the senses and the spirit. It is not a simple instinct and sentiment. It
is an act of the will, intended to endure and grow by means of the joys and
sorrows of daily life. It is saying “yes” to someone else, and “no” to oneself.
By it, husband and wife become one heart and one soul, and together attain
their human perfection.
The phenomena of “free love” and rejecting marriage are nothing
else than a degradation of true human love: the denial of its truth. It
is worth noting that the concept of conjugal love must be seen in a
personalist perspective, related to human persons, not in the abstract.
Therefore, it is inseparable from the truth about the human person.
From this perspective, it is easy to understand the requirement that
the conjugal covenant must be indissoluble and public.21

(2) It is total.
This love is also total. A married person loves generously and shares
everything without undue reservation or selfish calculations.

(3) It is faithful and exclusive.

Authentic love—as well as the good of the children—demands
faithfulness and rectitude in all marital relations. It requires the indissoluble
unity of the spouses.22
The adjective committed describes how true married love involves a
pledging of oneself to another. Married love is not self-centered but looks
to the other partner. To be able to give oneself, one must possess oneself;
this involves some control of the passions on the part of the persons
concerned.

(4) It is fruitful.
Matrimonial consent has two essential elements: conjugal love, and
the ordination to children. Once the covenant has been established by the
20
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 9.
21
Cf. Ramón García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 349.
22
Cf. GS, 48.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 369

consent, both become obligations, moral and juridical. They can, however,
be missing because of the human will. In such cases, they are absent as
disorders, faults, or injustices, while remaining in their condition as duties.
All authentic conjugal love between a man and a woman, when it is not
egoistic love, tends toward the creation of another being issuing from that
love. It is, therefore, open to life.23

6. Marriage is a Life-Giving Reality

In every marriage, the mutual love of husband and wife is both an
institution and a mandate from the Creator for the increase of his family on
earth. God planned the family to be the environment where he will create
new life. God told Adam and Eve, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the
earth” (Gn 1:28). That love with knowledge—that union of “male and
female” (an image of God’s love)—was destined to bring forth other human
beings like themselves. Marriage is a life-giving reality.
The marital act is the direct cause of the formation of a human body.
The Magisterium of the Church teaches us that every soul comes into being
through an act of divine creation.24
The total gift of self, which is required by conjugal love, also corresponds
to the demands of the offspring. Thus, the third characteristic of genuine
conjugal love and of marriage is their openness to new life.

7. The Causes of Marriage

In any action, one should distinguish the object of the action (i.e.,
what the chosen action by its own nature tends to, independently of the
intention of the agent) and the purpose that is intended, or intention of the
agent. Here, we may ask ourselves, “What is the purpose of marriage?” or
rather, “For the sake of what do husband and wife come together?” and
also, “What brings them together?” To answer these questions, we must
first distinguish:
• The intrinsic purpose of the action (finis operis),
• The purpose of the agent (finis operantis), i.e., what he has in
mind.
Obviously, these two purposes do not always coincide. One thing is the
actual intention of the spouses, and the other is the purpose or end of the
institution of marriage itself. The finis operis or normal and natural end of
marriage—irrespective of the actual intentions of husband and wife for
coming together—is the begetting (procreation) and upbringing (education)
of their children.

23
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 9; CCC, 1652–1653, 2366–2372.
24
Cf. Pope Pius XII, Enc. Humani Generis, 64.
370 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

We can now enumerate the causes of marriage, thus showing the

depth of its being (its metaphysical roots) and thereby its ultimate ethical
structure:
i) Final cause (purpose of the institution): primordially, the begetting
and upbringing of the children; secondarily (i.e., not less important
than, but subordinate to the primary purpose), the mutual help and
companionship with all its implications
ii) Efficient cause (the agent who brings it about): the spouses motivated
by a free decision to love each other for life, issuing into a formal and
public declaration (man lives naturally in society) of remaining together
until one of them dies
iii) Formal or constitutive cause (what makes it a marriage): the mutual self-
giving (or matrimonial consent) thus expressed and never withdrawn
(neither of the two has the right to do so if what they have entered into
is a marriage union and not just animal mating)
iv) Material cause: the living bodies of the spouses, over which they acquire
mutual rights (not over the souls, strictly speaking, since the sphere
of conscience remains inviolable, although a closely knit spiritual and
psychological mutual adjustment is highly desirable)25

8. The Elements of the Conjugal Community

Marriage (or conjugal community) has two integrative elements: conjugal
love and the marriage institution. Conjugal love constitutes the personal
reality that the institution confirms, protects, and sanctions before God
and men.26 Conjugal love has need of the institution in order to be conjugal;
the institution of marriage needs love to be enlivened. The unitive aspect of
this community of persons is the conjugal love; the institution helps and
protects it.

INTEGRATIVE ELEMENTS OF THE CONJUGAL COMMUNITy:

25
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Person, Family and State (Manila: Southeast Asian Science Foundation,
1991), 81.
26
Cf. GS, 48, 50; John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 14.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 371

In marriage, conjugal love and the institution of marriage are both

ordained to the procreation and education of children.27 Begetting and
educating children, helping each other, enjoying mutual company, and
walking together along the path that leads to heaven are just different
aspects of one and the same superb reality: the family.

8a) Marriage Cannot be Identified with Love

One cannot identify marriage and love. Marriage is an objective point
that assures security and duration. Being truly in love is a pre-condition
for marriage, but is not absolutely necessary as a norm. If one does not
experience it at the beginning, one can still be happily married.

9. Human Nature was Damaged by Sin and Restored by

Grace
Conjugal love is realized in persons, wounded by original sin, and,
many times, they tend toward selfishness. Therefore, even if this love—being
a love of friendship—is already inclined to the generous gift of self, in order
for it to develop fully, it has need of the healing action of grace. This grace
is conferred on the Christian spouses because of the institution of marriage,
which is a sacrament. With this grace, conjugal love becomes fully human
and then divine.28

9a) God Restored Marriage to its Former Dignity

Jesus announced the new law on marriage: “They said to him, ‘Why
then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put
her away?’ He said to them, ‘For your hardness of heart.… but from the
beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife away,
except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who
marries a divorced woman, commits adultery’” (Mt 19:7–9). By restoring
humanity, Jesus also restored marriage to its former dignity. Even more, the
natural matrimonial institution was elevated to the dignity of a sacrament.29
From a valid marriage there arises between the spouses a bond
which of its own nature is perpetual and exclusive. Moreover,
in Christian marriage the spouses are by a special sacrament
strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the
dignity of their state.30

27
Cf. GS, 48, 50.
28
Cf. Ibid., 49.
29
Cf. CCC, 1609–1617; CIC, 1055.
30
CIC, 1134.
372 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

The effects of a Christian marriage are:

• the marriage bond,
• the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony.
We are told how Jesus answered those who were astonished at his
proclamation of the indissolubility of the marriage bond: “Not all men can
receive this precept, but only those to whom it is given” (Mt 19:11). The
divine commandment is categorical. “To the married I give charge, not I
but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if
she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband)—and
that the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Cor 7:10–11). This kind
of commitment is possible, because when God commands something, he
always gives the necessary graces to execute his command.

10. Christian Marriage is a Sanctifying Reality

St. Paul explains, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the
Church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). Love is also necessary for
Christian marriage.
This conjugal love makes one look always for the good of the other.
In fact, since love makes them be one—”one flesh” to a certain extent—to
love the other is to love oneself. “He who loves his wife loves himself. For
no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ
does the Church” (Eph 5:28–29).
“By means of Baptism, man and woman are definitively placed within
the new and eternal covenant, in the spousal covenant of Christ with the
Church.”31 Consequently, “because of this indestructible insertion [of
Christian man and woman into that spousal covenant] … the intimate
community of conjugal life and love, founded by the Creator, is elevated
and assumed into the spousal charity of Christ, sustained and enriched
by His redeeming power.”32 The love of the spouses in Christian marriage
becomes not only an image of, but also a participation (the sacrament) in,
the mutual love of Christ and his bride, the Church. Thus, we may call the
Christian family a miniature Church (Ecclesia domestica). This identity is
grounded in the reality of Christian marriage as a true sacrament. Every
true (natural) marriage signifies the union of Christ with his bride, the
Church. Christian marriage inwardly participates in this union. Jesus is the
bridegroom, Savior of mankind, who loves and gives himself to his people,
uniting them to himself as his body.33 Thus, the sacramental condition of
marriage is a requirement for every baptized person, inseparable from the baptismal
character. Christ makes Christian marriage the efficacious (life‑giving, love‑

31
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 13.
32
Ibid.
33
Cf. Ibid.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 373

giving, grace-giving) sign of his redemptive love for humankind, just as

the baptismal water both symbolizes life‑giving power and actually gives
grace. Christian marriage is a sanctifying reality.
As a result, when Christians unite sexually with others, they do so not
as isolated individuals, but as members of Christ’s living body, the Church.
Should they do so outside of marriage, they do not only act immorally but
desecrate the body of Christ (cf. 1 Cor 6:15–17).34
Furthermore, conjugal love entails a totality; it leads the couple to be
of one heart and of one soul. Thus, it requires indissolubility and fidelity in
the reciprocal and definitive gift of self, and it must be open to fertility.

10a) Christian Marriage, a Way to Holiness

All are called to sanctity, each one, however, according to one’s own gifts
and duties.35 Christian marriage is a situation in which many are called to
concretize the universal call to sanctity. Thus:
The gift of the sacrament is at the same time a vocation and
commandment for the Christian spouses, that they may remain faithful to
each other forever, beyond every trial and difficulty, in generous obedience
to the holy will of the Lord: “What therefore God has joined together, let
not man put asunder (Mt 19:6).”36
All the characteristics of natural conjugal love are kept in Christian
marriage, but with a new significance. These elements of natural conjugal love
are purified, strengthened, and made an expression of specifically Christian
values. The married state becomes a vocation and a way to sanctity.37
The supernatural vocation to holiness of the spouses is the principle of
a specific apostolic mission.
Furthermore, we must notice that there is a relationship between
the vocation of marriage and the vocation to virginity. These two gifts
complement each other, because “marriage and virginity or celibacy are two
ways of expressing and living the one mystery of the covenant of God with
His people. Where marriage is not esteemed, neither can consecrated virginity
or celibacy thrive; when human sexuality is not regarded as a great value
given by the Creator, the renunciation of it for the sake of the Kingdom of
Heaven loses its meaning.”38 There is a complementarity between marriage
and virginity because each is, in its own way, ordained to fertility. In fact,
virginity is the root of a new form of fatherhood and motherhood.

34
Cf. W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 32.
35
Cf. LG, 41.
36
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 20.
37
Cf. Ibid., 13, 34, 56.
38
Cf. Ibid., 16.
374 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

11. The Blessings of Marriage

In getting married, a man and a woman not only give to themselves the
irrevocable identity of husband and wife, but also pledge to one another
that they will honor and foster the “goods” or “blessings” of marriage.
Thus, the conjugal act—precisely as conjugal (as distinct from a mere
genital act)—is an act that respects the “goods” or “blessings” of marriage,
namely, the procreation and education of children and a steadfast, faithful,
conjugal love.
Both conjugal love and the institution of marriage have the same
properties. These properties are perfected and elevated by the grace of
the sacrament.39 Thus, the matrimonial institution is built upon three
purposes—which are also three requirements of conjugal love:
• The good of the children (its openness to fertility)
• Mutual fidelity (its unity and indissolubility)
• The good of the sacrament, which makes it a path to sanctity40

(1) Openness to fertility

The good of the children refers to the openness of marriage to fertility,
a service to life. (Conjugal love is also open to fertility, as we have seen.)
Christian spouses, moreover, receive the help of the Church in guiding
their consciences. They also receive a new sense of generosity and trust in
providence in order to fulfill their mission of procreating and educating
children.
Spouses would render their sexual union non-marital if, in choosing
to unite sexually, they deliberately repudiate its life-giving or procreative
meaning.41

(2) The unity and indissoluble fidelity of marriage

The fidelity of conjugal love refers to the indestructible bond that
is created by the spouses’ mutual consent in marriage (its unity and
indissolubility).

(3) The good of the sacrament

The mutual and definitive self-giving of the natural marriage is
perfected in Christian marriage by the transformation of conjugal love into
the participation in the covenanted love of Christ (the bridegroom) for the
Church (the bride). For Christians, the sacrament is not a simple adjunct to
natural marriage, but its true transformation by grace. Permeated by faith,
hope, and charity, Christian spouses come to their own perfection and

39
Cf. GS, 48, 49.
40
Cf. CCC, 1643; John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 13. In a classification that dates
back to St. Augustine, this threefold purpose of marriage was listed as bonum prolis, bonum
fidei, and bonum sacramenti. Here, we will follow the vision of Pope John Paul II of the threefold
purpose of marriage in Familiaris Consortio.
41
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 13.
MARRIAGE, THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY 375

mutual sanctification through their conjugal and family duties. Because

of its sacramental character, Christian marriage confers a specific grace
on the spouses to overcome the difficulties that may come up, to sanctify
themselves in marriage and to sanctify others through it.42 The good of the
sacrament is also seen in an enlarged perspective as the Christian perfection
of marriage, as a way of holiness and a way of participating in the mission
of the Church.
By virtue of the sacramentality of their marriage, Christian spouses
are bound to one another in the most profoundly indissoluble manner.
Their belonging to each other is the real representation and participation,
by means of the sacramental sign, of the very relationship of Christ with
the Church. The difference between Christian marriage and that of non-
Christians is that the latter is an image but not a participation in the covenant
of Christ’s union with the Church.
These goods and requirements of conjugal love derive from the very
nature of marriage and benefit the whole human community; it is the
spouses’ participation in the development of society. Summarizing, we can
see Christian marriage as:
• a community of persons,
• brought to life by love,
• at the service of life,
• established by Christ as a sacrament and way of holiness.
The first three elements concern the essence of marriage; the last concerns
its dynamism. There is an intimate unity between the former items and the
latter, since there is a correlation between being and acting.43

12. Can Marriage Go Wrong?

There are at least three major points where man’s approach to marriage
is faulty and can cause marriage to go wrong:
i) The tendency to “divinize” human love, expecting from human
love what any believer knows only God can give
ii) The tendency to confuse the end of marriage with the motives that
lead individuals to marry, i.e., the tendency to think that marriage is
primarily for the expression and enjoyment of love, and secondarily
(if at all) for having children
iii) The tendency to see opposition between these two factors, instead
of seeing them as complementary to one another
Happiness can be found in marriage, but not unlimited happiness. This
can be found only in heaven.

42
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 13; GS, 48, 50; CCC, 1644–1645.
43
Cf. Ramón García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium,
342, 348, 351.
 30

the Family, a Community

of Life and Love

13. Marriage Results in the Family

In the preceding chapter, we have seen that matrimony, established by
an act of love, arises from the consent of the spouses. Conjugal consent is the
mutual decision to get married, the foundational act of marriage. Conjugal
love is the object of the consent. The consent, an act of the will, comes to be
by reason of the contract or conjugal covenant. The consent of the spouses
establishes a conjugal communion.
The term communion describes the personal relationship between the
“I” and the “thou.” In contrast, the word community has a wider scope; it
describes relationships among several persons. The birth of a child naturally
turns the conjugal communion into a small community, which is the family.
This, however, does not mean that marriage is only a means to an end, for,
although marriage leads to the establishment of a family in the natural
course of things, marriage itself is not absorbed by and lost in the family.
It retains its distinct existence as an institution whose inner structure is
different from that of the family.
Marriage and the family are ordered to the good of the spouses and
the procreation and education of the children.1 This implies a task and a
challenge. The task involves the spouses in living out their original covenant.
Moreover, the children should consolidate the conjugal covenant, enriching
and deepening the love of the spouses. This is the challenge.

1
Cf. CCC, 2201–2233; Bishop Karol Wojtyla (John Paul II), Love and Responsibility, 217–
218.
THE FAMILY, A COMMUNITY OF LIFE AND LOVE 377

14. Human Beings Need to Grow in Families

Animals do not have families. Generally speaking, animals derive
information through the most direct sensorial impacts. This is part of the
divine design. Humans not only mate, but they also live in families and
possess spirit. Furthermore, people need to grow in a specific environment
to develop:
• privacy, which fosters individual autonomy and responsibility),
• affection, which fosters sociability, and is conducive to the
development of the social virtues of a good citizen.
And this can be done only within the family. The family is a natural society;
it is natural for man to form a family. The family is also called a “domestic
society” (from Latin domus, “household”), “conjugal society” (from Latin
con-iux, “fellow yoke-bearer”), and “matrimonial society” (from Latin matri
munium, “defense for the source of life”). The mother (i.e., the source of life)
is the stable element of the family.

15. Trinitarian Origin of the Family

By giving life within the family, parents share in God’s creative power,
and, by raising their children, they become sharers in God’s paternal—and
at the same time maternal—way of teaching. Through Christ, all education,
within the family and outside of it, becomes part of God’s own pedagogy
of salvation, which is addressed to individuals and families and culminates
in the paschal mystery of the Lord’s death and Resurrection.2

15a) The Imprints of God’s Intra-Trinitarian Life

Because God is Father by essence, he has wanted that we, who share his
image and likeness, could also be parents. Even more, as the three divine
Persons are co-eternal and co-equal, in an analogous manner, all the family
members are persons of equal dignity.
God is love. There is an infinite love and total self‑giving among the three
divine Persons. The mutual love of Father and Son—subsistent love—is the
Holy Spirit. This divine love is reproduced in man. Man finds his fulfillment
only through the sincere gift of self, i.e., in the truth of the noble love, worthy
of a human person. Thus, the Holy Spirit is also the foundation of the
mutual help between the spouses. He is a consoler, the root of the joy and
the fecundity that is brought about by married love.
We were told: “you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38).
The Holy Spirit is the mutual gift of Father and Son. Likewise, in the human
family, the child is a divine gift that results from the mutual donation of
the spouses.

2
Cf. John Paul II, Letter to Families, Feb. 2, 1994.
378 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

15b) God and the Family

Men sinned against God and forgot about his plans. God then decided
to punish them with the Deluge. But, in advance, God chose a family, Noah’s,
to assure the continuity of human life on earth and carry on his covenant. “I
will establish my covenant with you; and you shall come into the ark, you,
your sons, your wife, and your sons’ wives with you” (Gn 6:18). The will of
God to count on the family for his plan of salvation is confirmed with the
promises that are given to the patriarchs. God told Abraham: “By you all
the families of the earth shall bless themselves” (Gn 12:3). Similar blessings
reached Isaac and Jacob. Later, God promised David that the Redeemer
would sprout from his family. Every family must remember these facts,
and must go back to the “beginning” of God’s creative act if it is to attain
self‑knowledge and self‑realization in accordance with the inner truth of
what it is and does in history.3

16. Two False Conceptions of the Family

Two ideologies, due to their wrong conception of the common good,
envision society in a manner that is detrimental to the well-being of the
family.
i) Liberalism (individualism) regards society as nothing but the sum-total
of the individuals who compose it. This ideology is solely concerned
with the “rights” of the individual, which it places above those of the
family. Consequently, it will tend to advocate the “right” to divorce,
abortion, sterilization, and contraception, even though those alleged
rights are in conflict with the rights of the family to life, stability, and
procreation.
ii) Socialism (collectivism) regards society as something higher than the
individuals who compose it, and subordinates their rights and those of
the family to the rights of society, incarnated in the state. The state will
thus dictate to families, in accordance with “national policy,” what is
the best line to follow. Since, in a socialist system, this “national policy”
is determined exclusively in relation to economic or material welfare, it
tends to introduce population control policies, regardless of the rights
of the family.
In both systems, the family is crushed between the claims of the individual
and the claims of the state. This is a failure to realize that families are the
natural units or constituents of society.4

3
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 17.
4
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Person, Family and State (Manila: Southeast Asian Foundation, 1991),
73.
THE FAMILY, A COMMUNITY OF LIFE AND LOVE 379

17. The Family, Open to Life

As we have seen in the previous chapter, love is, essentially, a gift.
Conjugal love, which makes the spouses “one flesh,” does not end with
the couple, but makes them capable of the greatest possible gift: the gift of
becoming cooperators with God in giving life to a new human person. Thus,
in a family that is open to life, children are the precious gift of marriage.
Just as the common good of the spouses is fulfilled in conjugal love,
which is open to new life, so too the common good of the family is fulfilled
through that same spousal love in the newborn child. Ordination to life is
a requirement not only of the institution of marriage, but also of conjugal
love itself. It is a sign of the authenticity of that love.5
Parenting—the generation of a human being—does not end in
begetting children. It surpasses the purely biological level and demands the
investment of a series of personal values in the child. For the harmonious
growth of these values, a persevering and unified contribution by both
parents is necessary.6 The love of the spouses and the begetting of children
create personal relationships and primordial responsibilities among the
members of the same family. Since new life that is born into the world
brings along a right to love and education, spouses receive with each child
the gift of a new responsibility from God: educating the children in human
values and the love of God and neighbor. The love of God for man has so
disposed things that human life is born and grows under the protection of
the community of love that is the family; this fact alone should motivate
the parents to welcome life. Parental love is, for the children, the visible
sign of the very love of God, “from whom every family in heaven and on
earth is named” (Eph 3:15), and is, for the parents, the enlargement of their
conjugal vocation with that of parenthood.
The inclination of love to serve life is not only biological but spiritual.
Thus, when procreation is not possible, it takes other forms, but conjugal life
does not lose its value for this reason. Physical sterility can be for spouses
the occasion for other important services to the life of the human person,
for example, adoption, various forms of educational work, and assistance
to other families and poor and handicapped children.7
Similarly, those who are called to give themselves to God alone with
undivided heart know that their apostolic celibacy is a singular source of
spiritual fertility in the world.8

5
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 14, 28.
6
Cf. Ibid., 11.
7
Cf. Ibid., 14.
8
Cf. LG, 42; CCC, 2349.
380 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

18. The Family, a Community

A community is a stable group, freely established or accepted, where
many valuable things are shared and possessed in common. We refer to
communities when the goods that are possessed in common are spiritual
goods. When the shared goods are purely material or peripheral, then we
prefer to talk of societies. In the first case, the bonds that link together the
members of the group are mostly spiritual, in the second, the bonds are
juridical.
There could be in the community material and spiritual legal bonds
among the members, a clear manifestation of our nature. But the unity and
strength of the community is founded on the spirit, the most important
links being knowledge and love, that is to say, friendship.
Material goods are finite, and thus they can be shared only by a
limited number of people. The more people who possess a material good,
the smaller each person’s share becomes. Not so with the spiritual goods.
Knowledge and love can be possessed by many without getting diminished,
and the mere fact of sharing these goods enriches all.
Anything that opposes one of the elements of marriage (the matrimonial
institution itself and conjugal love) opposes marriage and the family. Thus,
polygamy, divorce, and “free love” obscure the dignity of the institution of
marriage. Selfishness, hedonism, and all illicit practices against conception
are opposed to conjugal love and, therefore, to the good of marriage and
the family.
These considerations help us to better understand the family as a
community of life and love, founded in the conjugal union.9

18a) To Form a Christian Family, a Divine Vocation

Even if Christian marriage, in the making, appears as giving consent
to a contract, a single act, it has a transcendental dimension as a result of
a divine initiative. Grace establishes Christian marriage as a sacrament.
The sacrament of marriage is the result of a joint realization of having
received a vocation to form a Christian family. The Christian family becomes
a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father
and the Son, in the Holy Spirit. The state of marriage becomes a permanent
divine vocation to become that divine sign and image (holiness) and to
manifest the love of God to the world (apostolate).10

9
Cf. John XXIII, Enc. Mater et Magistra, 51; Paul VI, Enc. Populorum Progressio, 36.
10
Cf. CCC, 2204–2206; GS, 49.
 Part II

the Mission of the Family:

Forming a Community
of Persons
382 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

19. The Role of the Family

In the apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio, John Paul II emphasizes
that the family must become what it is:
The family finds in the plan of God, the Creator and Redeemer,
not only its identity, what it is, but also its mission, what it can and
should do. The role that God calls the family to perform in history
derives from what the family is; its role represents the dynamic
and existential development of what it is. Each family finds within
itself a summons that cannot be ignored, and that specifies both its
dignity and its responsibility: Family, become what you are!1
The Christian family accomplishes its specific and original ecclesial mission
by realizing itself as such, and not by any task that is superimposed on it.
Accordingly, the family must go back to the “beginning” of God’s creative
act if it is to attain self‑knowledge and self‑realization. God created the
family as an intimate community of life and love. Thus, the family’s mission
is to become more and more what it is: a community of life and love, which
will be brought to perfection only in the Kingdom of God. In the final
analysis, the role of the family is specified by love.
The family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love.
This is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God’s love for
humanity and the love of Christ for the Church, his bride.
Every task of the family is an expression and concrete actuation of
that fundamental mission.…
With love as its point of departure and making constant reference
to it, we can enumerate the four general tasks of the family:
i) forming a community of persons
ii) serving life
iii) participating in the development of society
iv) sharing in the life and mission of the Church.2

We will study each of these tasks of the family in the successive chapters.

1
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 17.
2
Ibid.
 31

Forming a Community
of Persons

WE HAVE SEEN that the family is a community of persons. We shall see now
that one of the aspects of its mission is to form, consolidate, and expand
that community.

20. Love, the Principle and Strength of the Family

In its purer form, love is a stable determination of self-giving for
the good of the beloved. It is a genuine and permanent disposition of
benevolence, stronger than age, and beauty, impregnable to changes of
fortune. Love accepts, hopes, and forgives. It fills the human heart with
the inexplicable joy of giving: “It is more blessed to give than to receive”
(Acts 20:35).
We have seen how the person is an image of the God of love. The
family, which is founded and given life by love, is a community of persons:
husband and wife, parents and children, relatives. Without love, the family
is not a community of persons and cannot live, grow, and perfect itself as
such. This is so because man cannot live without love. Man’s life remains
senseless, incomprehensible to himself, until love is revealed to him. To
find himself, he needs to encounter love, experience it, make it his own,
and share it with others.
The love between a husband and a wife and between the other
members of the family is given life and sustenance by an increasing
inner dynamism leading the family to an ever deeper and more
intense communion, which is the foundation and soul of the
community of marriage and the family.3

3
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 18.
384 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

The mission to guard, reveal, and communicate love is entrusted to every

human family, whether Christian or not. This is the plan of God—the creator
of the family. He uses the marriage of man and woman, and the family
based on this union, as an image of his loving union with his people (cf.
Hos 1–3). Thus, marriage is a fitting sign of the covenant of life and love
that God wills to exist between himself and his people. Marriage is a reality
that points to something beyond itself—the love-giving union of God and
humankind.4
But even a greater mission has been entrusted to the Christian family,
according to the plan of God the Redeemer. We must remember that we
are sinners in need of Redemption. “Man finds that he is unable of himself
to overcome the assaults of evil successfully.… But the Lord himself came
to free and strengthen man, renewing him inwardly and casting out the
‘prince of this world’ (Jn 12:31), who held him in the bondage of sin.”5
Christ the Redeemer not only re‑creates human persons and reveals to
them their fullest identity; he also re-creates marriage and family. In doing
so, he reveals their full identity.
The Christian family finds its origin, inner identity, and vocation in Christ
and his bride, the Church. For it is the Church, as John Paul II declares, that
both gives birth to the Christian family and, by proclaiming the word of
God, reveals to the Christian family its true identity: what it is and what it
should be according to the Lord’s plan.6 Since the reality of the Christian
family comes from its being generated by the Church, the identity of the
Christian family is that of a miniature Church, summoned to imitate and
relive the same self‑giving and sacrificial love that the Lord Jesus has for
the entire human race.7
In forming a community of persons, Christian husbands and
wives bring into existence a miniature Church. Thus, the Christian
family constitutes a specific revelation and realization of ecclesial
communion, and, for this reason, the family can and should be called
a domestic Church.8

4
Cf. CCC, 2205.
5
GS, 13.
6
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 49.
7
Cf. W. May, Marriage, the Rock on Which the Family is Built; CCC, 2204.
8
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 21; LG, 11.
FORMING A COMMUNITY OF PERSONS 385

21. Conjugal Love Expands into Family Love

Conjugal love results in family love, but it does not disappear when
new members come to the family. On the contrary, as their mission, husband
and wife are called to grow continually in their communion through day-
to‑day fidelity to their marriage promise of total and mutual self‑giving.
Conjugal love must increase by means of its generous exercise. Grace heals
and perfects conjugal love. With it, the spouses are able to practice the spirit
of sacrifice, magnanimity, and steadfastness in love.9
Moreover, this love between the spouses reaches its culmination in the
giving of life to children, and extends itself as the exemplary principle of the
whole family community. Therefore, the first task of the family, demanded
by its very end, is a constant effort to develop an authentic community of
persons.10 The love between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and
relatives and household (family love) derives from the love that is specific
to husband and wife, that is, from conjugal love. Thus, conjugal love is the
inner dynamic principle giving to marriage and the family the capacity to
carry out rightly its specific and original ecclesial role.
This sacred work can be brought to perfection only when the spouses
have made the mutual, exclusive, and lasting transfer of the right to their
bodies, not only to a conjugal act, or to a series of them. As love grows,
so will the family grow. Anything that hinders this love also hinders and
affects the family.

22. Conditions for the Development of the Community

The community of marriage cannot grow, save by respecting God’s
plan, which is inscribed by the Creator in the heart of man and woman
and perfected by Christ in the Sacrament of Marriage. Since the family
begins with marriage, the goods of marriage are related to the goods of
the family. Conjugal love, that power and inspiring dynamism of the
conjugal communion, has, as its first task, the development of the family
community, and it accomplishes this task in its concrete characteristics of
unity and indissolubility.

9
Cf. GS, 49; Pius XI, Enc. Casti Connubii, 287.
10
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 18.
386 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

22a) Unity
The nucleus of the family community is the conjugal communion,
born from the covenant of conjugal love. Conjugal love results in the
union—communion—of two persons: husband and wife. And they are
called to grow continually in their communion through fidelity and total
self-giving.
Love of friendship, which is the root of marriage, consists in equality.
There is a complete equality among the spouses, and a marvelous
complementarity of roles. Man gives what he has as specifically his own (his
masculinity) and woman gives herself (her femininity). If they communicate
all they have, they cannot share anything with a third party. If they love
each other fully, they will be opposed to sharing themselves with another
person.
So, since, according to natural law, it is not lawful for the wife to have
several husbands—since this is contrary to the certainty of the paternity
of the offspring—it would not be lawful, on the other hand, for a man to
have several wives, for the friendship between wife and husband would
not be free and equal, but somewhat servile. This natural law argument is
corroborated by experience, for among husbands having plural wives, the
wives are relegated to the status of servants.
Polygamy contradicts the marital communion because it is contrary to
the equal personal dignity of husband and wife.11
Unity, a requirement of marriage, is also a requirement for the good of
the family. Therefore, unity is a profoundly human demand, which Christ
assumes and perfects with the Sacrament of Marriage.

22b) Indissolubility
Conjugal love—and hence the marital communion—is also characterized
by its indissolubility. Indissolubility is rooted in the personal and total self-
giving of the couple, and it is required by the good of the children, and,
therefore, by the good of the family.
Since sex is naturally ordained to the generation and education of
offspring, and this requires a very long time, we must come to the conclusion
that matrimony should endure throughout an entire life.12 St. Thomas
Aquinas gives reasons that are based on natural law (and, therefore, valid
for all people of all times, religions and cultures) in favor of indissolubility.
They can be summarized thus:
• There are harmful consequences of a broken home for the
upbringing of the children.
• The equality of sexes is shattered; if divorce is allowed, women are
at a disadvantage, since it is harder for them to remarry.

11
Cf. Ibid., 19.
12
Cf. St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Contra Gentiles, 3.123.
FORMING A COMMUNITY OF PERSONS 387

• The security and welfare of the family suffers; if spouses know that
they may get divorced at any time, they will not take care to secure
the future by saving, for example.
• Public order is threatened; divorce easily creates tensions.13
Indissolubility is a fruit, a sign, and a requirement of the absolute faithful
love that God has for man and that the Lord Jesus Christ has for the Church.
The spouse who, abandoned by the other partner, remains faithful to his
obligations gives special witness to this fidelity, a witness of which the
world today has much need.14

23. The School of Deeper Humanity

It is impossible to reach one’s perfection without helping others to
reach perfection. One’s happiness is inseparable from one’s contribution
to the happiness of others. Nowhere is this truer than within the family.
St. Thomas Aquinas explains that, when we talk about the common good,
we refer to two realities: the good itself, and the way to its achievement.
The good that is provided by the family is ultimately everlasting life in
God, and the means are the children and the mutual help of the spouses.
The fulfillment of one’s parental duties with perfection, the eagerness of
children to learn and be educated, the care of husband and wife for each
other, and their generosity toward God are necessary for each one’s integral
human fulfillment. Beginning from the parents, an atmosphere of love at
home bears fruits:
The self-giving that inspires the love of husband and wife for
each other is the model and norm for the self-giving that must be
practiced in the relationships between brothers and sisters and the
different generations living together in the family.15
Furthermore:
All the members of the family, each according to his or her own
gift, have the grace and responsibility of building, day by day
the communion of persons, making the family a school of deeper
humanity. This happens where there is care and love for the little
ones, the sick, the aged; where there is mutual service every day;
where there is a sharing of goods of joys and of sorrows.16
Unfortunately, like in any human society, there might be selfishness,
tension, discord, or conflict among the members of a family that wound

13
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Person, Family and State, 91; CCC, 2382–2386.
14
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 20.
15
Ibid., 37.
16
Ibid., 21.
388 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

the spirit of communion. “Family communion can only be preserved and

perfected through a great spirit of sacrifice.”17 In spite of the frustrations
and divisions, “every family is called by the God of peace to have the joyous
and renewing experience of reconciliation, that is, communion re-established,
unity restored.”18
But in order to carry out its role, the family must count, first of all, on
the strength of love. Love is naturally present in the relationships among the
different members of the family. It must also become the interior strength
that shapes and animates the family communion and community. Moreover,
the role of the sacraments in family life should not be underestimated:
Participation in the sacrament of reconciliation and in the banquet
of the one body of Christ offers to the Christian family the grace and
responsibility of overcoming every division and of moving towards
the fullness of communion willed by God, responding in this way
to the ardent desire of the Lord: “That they be one.”19
In what follows, we shall describe the mission of the different members of
the family, who should find in love the “source and the constant impetus
for welcoming, respecting, and promoting each one of its members in his
or her lofty dignity as a person; that is, as a living image of God.”20

24. The Role of the Woman

The apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio describes the task of the
woman as mother, spouse, and daughter. The point of departure is her equal
dignity and responsibility with men. The defense of this dignity has been a
true title of honor for the Church throughout the centuries, always faithful
to the revealed teaching that, in Christ, “there is neither male nor female;
for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal 3: 28). Within this perspective, John
Paul II shows, in confronting a crude but very widespread error, that the
promotion of the dignity of women would be false were it to compromise
her specific role within the family. The true advancement of women requires
the clear recognition of the value of their maternal and family role, by
comparison with all other public roles and all other professions.21
In particular, this means that wives and mothers should not, in practice,
be compelled to work outside the home, and that their families should be
able to live and prosper in a dignified manner, even when they themselves
devote their full time to their own family.

17
Ibid.
18
Ibid.
19
Ibid.
20
Ibid., 22.
21
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, no. 23. See also the treatise Social Doctrine
of the Church, chapter 22, no. 18c).
FORMING A COMMUNITY OF PERSONS 389

In overcoming the modern misconception that has arisen over this

truth, there are two pillars on which to build:
i) There is need to build a renewed theology of work, which will illuminate the
meaning and radical dignity of every kind of human work, and therefore
of that of the woman in the domestic hearth. Many discriminations and
current prejudices arise from a failure to understand the authentic
meaning of the dignity of work.
It is well to remember that the dignity of work is based on Love.
Man’s great privilege is to be able to love and to transcend what is
fleeting and ephemeral. He can love other creatures, pronounce an
“I” and a “you” which are full of meaning. And he can love God,
who opens heaven’s gates to us, makes us members of his family
and allows us also to talk to him in friendship, face to face.

That is why a man ought not to limit himself to material production.

Work is born of love; it is a manifestation of love and is directed toward
love. We see the hand of God, not only in the wonders of nature, but
also in our experience of work and effort. Work thus becomes prayer
and thanksgiving, because we know we are placed on earth by God,
that we are loved by him and made heirs to his promises.22
ii) The other pillar is overcoming preconceived ideas about the dignity of women
that would take away all her proper characteristics, gifts of the Creator.
Dignity “does not mean for women a renunciation of their femininity or
an imitation of the male role, but the fullness of true feminine humanity,
which should be expressed in their activity, whether in the family or
outside it.”23

25. Men as Husbands and Fathers

Husbands must love their wives. “Husbands should not forget that they
belong to their wives, and that as long as they live they have the obligation
to show the same affection as a young man who has just fallen in love.”24
“Efforts must be made to restore socially the conviction that the place
and task of the father in and for the family is of unique and irreplaceable
importance.”25 The love for his wife and his love and devotion to his
children are the normal way to understand and fulfill his own duties. The
community of the family is lacking something if either the mother’s or the
father’s presence is missing.

22
St. Josemaría Escrivá, Christ is Passing By, 48.
23
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 23; cf. Ramón García de Haro, Marriage and
the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 353.
24
St. Josemaría Escrivá, Christ is Passing By, 26.
25
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 25.
390 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

26. The Rights and Duties of Parents

The right and duty of parents to give education has three properties:26
i) It is essential in that it is connected with the transmission of human
life.
ii) It is original and primary with regard to the educational role of others, on
account of the uniqueness of the loving relationship between parents
and children.
iii) It is irreplaceable and inalienable, and therefore, incapable of being entirely
delegated to others or usurped by others, except in the case of physical
or psychological impossibility.
Since they have conferred life on their children, parents have the
original, primary and inalienable right to educate them; hence they
… have the right to educate their children in conformity with their
moral and religious convictions, taking into account the cultural
traditions of the family that favor the good and the dignity of the
child; they should also receive from society the necessary aid and
assistance to perform their educational role properly.27
The rights and duties of parents flow from the nature and purpose of
marriage and the family:
• Right to the subsistence and life of the family
• Right to the fulfillment of their own mission:
o Right to procreation, which no state policy of population control
should interfere with
o Right to bring up the children—to choose the school when the time
comes (the role of the school, both private and public, is subsidiary
to that of the family)
• Right to adequate financial support, or a just salary, taking into account
the needs of the entire family
• Right to protection and help, such as social security.
The rights of the parents, however, are not absolute rights, since they
cannot command their children to do anything against the natural law,
such as stealing, or marrying against their will, for example. These rights
are binding for as long as the children are under their parents’ authority.
Sex education, which is a basic right and duty of parents, must
always be carried out under their attentive guidance, whether at
home or in educational centers chosen and controlled by them. In
this regard, the Church reaffirms the law of subsidiarity, which the
school is bound to observe when it cooperates in sex education, by
entering into the same spirit that animates the parents.28

26
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 36; cf. for this theme CCC, 2221-2231 and
the treatise Social Doctrine of the Church, chapter 22, nos. 16 and 17.
27
John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983.
28
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 37.
FORMING A COMMUNITY OF PERSONS 391

This education must bring the children to a knowledge of and respect

for the moral norms as the necessary and highly valuable guarantee for
responsible personal growth in human sexuality. No one is capable of giving
moral education in this delicate area better than duly prepared parents.29

27. Attacks Against the Rights of the Parents

The rights of the parents are denied by the following false ideologies:
• The various forms of socialism, such as fascism, Nazism, and
communism, which view children as the property of the state or of
society, and which absorb all individual rights
• Educational liberalism (of Rousseau and John Dewey), which rejects all
authority in the educational field, whether religious, parental, or even
intellectual
• Anarchism, which rejects all political and social authority30

28. The Rights of Children

The rights and duties of children are even more urgent because they
are weaker. The smaller the child is, the more is he in need of everything,
particularly when he is sick, suffering, or handicapped. Specifically, the child
has a right to “acceptance, love, esteem, many-sided and concerted material,
emotional, educational, and spiritual concern.”31 Attention to this matter is a
sign of possessing the correct Christian concept of the family. “Concern for
the child, even before birth, from the first moment of conception and then
throughout the years of infancy and youth, is the primary and fundamental
test of the relationship of one human being to another.”32
The children have a right to be trained and guided for independent
life. They should be equipped in such a way that they can eventually be
self-reliant, with freedom and personal responsibility. For the attainment
of this goal, they need:
• Affection, i.e., the feeling of being loved, which is primarily, though
not exclusively, provided by the gentle and tender hand of the
mother,
• Firm authority, i.e., the clear and orderly guidance that is primarily,
though not exclusively, provided by the father.

29
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 42–47.
The right to educate children is studied in chapter 37 of this treatise.
30
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Person, Family and State, 118.
31
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 26.
32
Ibid.
392 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Without the first, children grow up bashful, inhibited, scrupulous, and

fearful. Without the latter, they grow up selfish, ruthless, and spoiled
individualists.33
Like all members of the family, children also have duties: the
responsibility to participate actively in the family community. “By means
of love, respect and obedience toward their parents, children offer their
specific and irreplaceable contribution to the construction of an authentically
human and Christian family.”34

29. The Elderly in the Family

The elderly carry out the important mission of being witnesses to the
past and a source of wisdom for the young for the future. Setting them aside
causes acute suffering to them and spiritually impoverishes the family. “The
pastoral activity of the Church helps everyone to discover and to make good
use of the role of the elderly within the civil and ecclesial community, in
particular within the family.”35 The elderly bring continuity in the transmission
of values, together with the charisma of wisdom and understanding.

33
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Person, Family and State, 117.
34
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 21; cf. CCC, 2214-2220. See also the treatise
Social Doctrine of the Church, chapter 22, no. 17e).
35
Cf. Ibid., 27.
 Part III

Mission of the Family:

Serving Life

DIVINE LOVE—ALWAYS a gift—is the reason of our existence as persons.

Conjugal love—an echo of divine love—is the reason of the family’s
openness to new life. Parents are co-workers and interpreters of God’s own
love when they transmit life and raise a child according to God’s fatherly
plan. Human life is a gift that is received in order to be given as a gift. In
giving origin to a new life, parents recognize that the child, as the fruit of
their mutual gift of love, is, in turn, a gift for both of them, a gift that flows
from them.
The second role of the Christian family, according to Familiaris Consortio,
is “serving life.” This mission should be studied in its two aspects:
i) Transmission of life
ii) Education
We will develop the “transmission of life” from the following
viewpoints:
• Human procreation
• Responsible parenthood
• Contraception and abortion
• Natural regulation of fertility
• Artificial fertilization
 32

human Procreation

30. The Dignity of Human Procreation

Man is “the only creature on earth that God has wanted for its own
sake.”1 Man’s coming into being does not conform to the laws of biology
alone, but also, and directly, to God’s creative will. By divine design, the
generation of the human body, to which every act of sexuality is ordained
by nature, is necessarily united to the creation by God of an immortal
soul, destined to enjoy the glory of the children of God. God “willed” man
from the very beginning, and God “wills” him in every act of conception
and every human birth. God “wills” man as a being similar to himself, as
a person. Like his parents, the new human being is also called to live as a
person; he is called to a life “in truth and love.” This call is not only open
to what exists in time, but is also open to eternity. Thus, the conjugal act
is sacred. In it, the spouses give not only themselves but also the reality
of children. Children are a living image of the couple’s love, a permanent
sign of their conjugal unity, and a manifestation of their being father and
mother. Inscribed in the personal constitution of every child is the will of
God, who wills that man should share his own divine life.2

30a) Love and Human Sexuality

Occupying a central part in the dignity of the person is the dignity of
his human sexuality, a reflection of the love of God.

1
GS, 24.
2
Cf. John Paul II, Letter to Families, Feb. 2, 1994.
HUMAN PROCREATION 395

Human sexuality is a good, part of that created gift that God saw as being
“very good” (Gn 1:31) when “male and female he created them” (Gn 1:27)
in his image and likeness.3
Man is called to love and to self-giving in the unity of body and
spirit. Sexuality is a fundamental component of personality, one
of its modes of being, of manifestation, of communicating with
others, of feeling, of expressing and of living human love. The
human body, with its sex, and its masculinity and femininity, is
not only a source of fruitfulness and procreation but includes right
“from the beginning” the “nuptial” attribute, that is, the capacity
of expressing love: that love precisely in which the man-person becomes
a gift and—by means of this gift—fulfills the very meaning of his
being and existence.4
The marital act expresses and builds the spouses’ married love, their
mutual and total gift of self, and their selfless love, as a faithful image of
God’s creative love, which brought about man’s existence. Man’s greatness
lies precisely in his being an image of God. Physically, the spouses will
use the natural expressions of human affection—kisses, caresses, and
embraces—while seeking the union of their bodies, as an expression of the
union of intentions in their project of building a family. Emotionally, they
will try to express the desire of loving each other, with the deep joys that
come with the raising of a family. The marital act will make their love grow
stronger as they renew in their will the determination to support one another
in the difficulties and challenges that come to all people in this life.
During the marital act, they are collaborating with God by sharing in
his love and power as Father and Creator of life. Children are conceived as
a result of the father’s mediation of God’s love and the mother’s receptivity
to God’s love. Just as God’s love resulted in creation, conjugal love results
in new life. Man discovers—within the family—his dignity as a “co-creator”
with God as new life is brought into the world.
Marriage is the wise institution of the Creator to accomplish in
mankind His design of love. By means of the reciprocal personal
gift of self, proper and exclusive to them, husband and wife tend
toward the communion of their beings in view of mutual personal
perfection, to collaborate with God in the generation and education
of new lives.5
Thus, the fundamental task of the family is to serve life, to actualize in history
the original blessing of the Creator—that of transmitting by procreation the
divine image from person to person.6

3
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 11.
4
Ibid., 10.
5
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 8; cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 28.
6
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 28.
396 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

30b) Life, a Gift of God

We see that life is a good, a gift that God has given us. Here, we refer
to the gift that God has given us in calling us to life, to exist as man or
woman in an unrepeatable existence, full of endless possibilities for growing
spiritually and morally: “Human life is a gift received in order then to be
given as a gift.”7
Why is life a good? Why is it always a good? The answer is simple and
clear: Because the human person is an image of God. Human life comes from
God and is destined to God. While sin darkens life by threatening it with
death and throwing into doubt its nature as a gift, Redemption frees human
life, lifting it up in the expectation of the gift of eternal life. Gratuitously,
the Father calls each individual, in and through his Son, to partake of the
fullness of divine life, by becoming “sons and daughters in the Son.” The
sublime dignity of human life thus shines forth not only because of its origin
but even more so because of its destiny.8

31. Attacks on the Dignity of Human Procreation

When the life of the conceived human being is not respected, it no
longer makes sense to speak of human dignity. Some might have difficulty
understanding the doctrine of the Church on the mission of marriage and
the family with relation to the transmission of life, but this only makes it
“more urgent and irreplaceable”9 to proclaim it, in order to promote “the
true good of men and women.”10 The main theological point is not about
birth or conception; it is about the nature of human sexuality. Human
sexuality cannot be true to itself unless its openness to life and its connection
to human love are both preserved.
The encyclical Humanae Vitae states that there are aspects of human
sexuality that are not merely instrumental, subject to human whim or
human choice. Since the 1960s, however, the notion of human sexuality
as instrumental has been prominent. This notion claims that sexuality can
be used for the particular benefit of a given individual, or some others, or
society. Following this line, the acceptance of birth control logically leads
to the acceptance of homosexuality, divorce, and even abortion.
The source of the problem about human sexuality today is often a flawed
concept of man. Man is precisely a person because he is master of himself
and can exercise self-control. He is not a helpless victim of his passions or
society’s manipulation, yet many people view man as powerlessly subject
to forces outside of himself and, accordingly, discount his ability to master
himself.

7
John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 92.
8
Cf. Ibid., 34–46.
9
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 30.
10
Ibid.
HUMAN PROCREATION 397

32. The Church Stands for Life

Since service to life is the fundamental task of the family, openness to
life becomes the condition of true conjugal love and a sign of its authenticity.
“Love between husband and wife must be fully human, exclusive, and
open to new life.… Fecundity is the fruit and sign of conjugal love, the
living testimony of the full reciprocal self-giving of the spouses.”11 This is
the Church’s teaching and norm, always old yet always new.
Pope John Paul II describes some aspects of the modern situation and
mentality that lead to a misunderstanding of the doctrine of the Church
and give rise to contemporary difficulties:
• Technological knowledge and progress, which arouse in some an
anxiousness about the future
• A consumer mentality, which makes some incapable of
understanding the spiritual rightness of a new life
• A certain panic that is derived from some ecological and futuristic
studies on population growth, which sometimes exaggerate the
danger of demographic increase to the quality of life, to the point
that they create an anti-life mentality
At their root “is the absence in people’s hearts of God, whose love alone is
stronger than all the world’s fears and can conquer them.”12
To counteract this misunderstanding, it is necessary to build a doctrinal
and formative work that is based on the following pivotal truths:
• There can be no true contradiction between the divine law on
transmitting life and that on fostering authentic married love.
• The Church must act as teacher and mother for couples in
difficulty.
• All spouses are called to live the fullness of the divine law.

33. Harmony between Transmission of Life and Married

Love
The sign of authentic married love is openness to life. This is the doctrine
that is established by the Second Vatican Council, and the papal documents
Humanae Vitae and Familiaris Consortio.
To understand this point, one must begin from an integral vision of man.
The two elements of morality (the object of the chosen act, and the intention
of the agent) are mentioned in Familiaris Consortio. But this exhortation
is, above all, attentive to the object of the moral act, to the question of its
intrinsic evil.

11
Ibid., 28–29.
12
Ibid., 30.
398 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Some authors erroneously claim a moral equivalence between

contraception and recourse to infertile periods. They focus solely on the
intentions or motives of the persons involved, without considering that
some actions are evil by their nature.
On the other hand, the Catechism affirms that contraception (as a moral
object) is intrinsically evil.13 This is so because man cannot, on his own
initiative, break “the inseparable connection, willed by God … between the
unitive meaning and the procreative meaning of the conjugal act.”14 From
all this, one can understand the radical “difference, both anthropological and
moral, between contraception and recourse to the rhythm of the cycle.”15
Familiaris Consortio affirms that, in contraception, spouses act as arbiters of
the divine plan; in having just recourse to the infertile periods, on the other
hand, they act as its ministers.

34. The Procreative and Unitive Aspects

34a) The Two Aspects of the Conjugal Act
Conjugal love joins husband and wife not merely at the level of bodies
but also at the level of persons. Thus, there are two aspects to the conjugal
act: (a) the unitive aspect, by which the spouses express their love by the
gift of self in their union, and (b) the procreative aspect, whereby this union
is open to life. These two aspects are inseparable. “By safeguarding both
these essential aspects … the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the
essence of true mutual love and its ordination towards man’s most high
calling to parenthood.”16 The two aspects of the marital act are intimately
related: The life-giving aspect of the marital act is part of its love-giving
aspect. The two are inseparable because no whole can be without its essential
parts.17 There are not two acts but two aspects of the same act. The marital
act becomes a genital act (mere union of two bodies) if anyone of the two
aspects is missing.

34b) Inseparability
The conjugal act is a life-giving love experience. If one deliberately
destroys the power of the conjugal act to give life (procreative aspect), one
necessarily destroys its power to signify love. Contraceptive spouses may
love each other, but it is not a true conjugal love, because their intentions
are diverted from the good of the other person and directed to mere
egoistic enjoyment. The person as co-creator of love disappears, and there
remains only the partner in an erotic experience. They refuse to found
their relationship on a co-creativity that is capable of opening them out

13
Cf. CCC, 2370.
14
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 12.
15
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 32.
16
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 12.
17
Cf. W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 74.
HUMAN PROCREATION 399

to one another and the whole of creation. In contraception, the spouses

will not let the word—which their sexuality longs to utter—take on flesh.
Contraceptive intercourse is not really an example of human sexual act; it
is an intercourse of sensation but with no real human sexual knowledge or
love. Contraceptive sex separates not only the unitive from the procreative,
but also sex from love.18
Humanae Vitae speaks of the blessings that will come from preserving the
inseparability of the unitive and procreative aspects of the conjugal act. It
claims that spouses will especially develop the spiritual dimensions of their
personalities. It speaks of the serenity and peace that come with discipline,
a discipline that flows over to the other areas of one’s life. Perhaps most
important, spouses will become unselfish as they begin to be concerned
more about the well-being of their spouse rather than of themselves.

34c) The Language of the Body

Pope John Paul II spoke about “the language of the body.” Each action,
he said, has a meaning behind it. The conjugal act also has its own meaning:
it expresses a true love and the openness to generation. Both aspects belong
together to the same act. The fullness of the sexuality of the persons comes
into being in the conjugal act; other manifestations of mutual love never
express it in its totality.
In the marital act, spouses say to each other in the language of the body,
“I give my whole self to you.” In the contraceptive act (as it happens in any
genital act) this statement becomes a lie. They would say “I give my whole
self to you,” but in reality one of the spouses would be keeping back a part
of himself, namely his paternity or her maternity; a falsifying factor is thus
introduced into the relationship.

35. The Role of the Church as Teacher and Mother

The Church as a mother gives birth, so to speak, to the Christian
family. To understand this, we need to consider the relationship between
Baptism and marriage.19 The Church must also act as teacher and mother
for couples in difficulty. She speaks the truth about love by adhering to
these fundamental issues and giving full meaning to the norms that are
established by God.

As Teacher, she never tires of proclaiming the moral norm that

must guide the responsible transmission of life.… As Mother, the
Church is close to the many married couples who find themselves
in difficulty over this important point of the moral life.…

18
Cf. C. Burke, Marriage and Contraception, in “Position Papers,” (Osaka, Japan), 160
(Series A).
19
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 13.
400 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Specifically, she calls to mind the necessity of stirring up the

virtues of persistence and patience, humility and strength of mind,
filial trust in God and in His grace, and frequent recourse to prayer
and to the sacraments of the Eucharist and of Reconciliation.
Also necessary as a condition for achieving this goal are
knowledge of the bodily aspect and body’s rhythms of fertility
and, above all, the absolute necessity for the virtue of chastity and
for permanent education in it.20
Only the truth saves. The Church acts with eminent charity toward souls
by spreading the saving teaching of Christ; she struggles to create all the
conditions necessary to let it be understood and lived. The truth about man
cannot be understood unless one is aware of the proper relationship of man
to God, and, therefore, of his own eternal destiny.

36. The Virtue of Chastity

Sacred Scripture explicitly teaches that the complete exercise of the
generative faculty outside of legitimate matrimony (adultery, fornication,
etc.) is a mortal sin, since it excludes from the Kingdom of heaven (cf. Mt
5:28; 19:18; Mk 10:19; Rom 1:21–29; 1 Cor 6:9–10; Gal 5:19–21). The virtue
of chastity is the joyous affirmation of someone who knows how to live
self-giving. It is not to be understood as a repressive attitude, but rather
as part of temperance—a cardinal virtue that is elevated and enriched by
grace in Baptism.
The Catechism describes and, in a sense, defines chastity in this way:
“Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person
and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.”21
When the person understands chastity correctly, he is rendered capable
of a higher kind of love than concupiscence, which sees persons only
as objects, as means to satisfy one’s appetites. The person is capable of
friendship and self‑giving, with the capacity to recognize and love persons
for themselves.

36a) Chastity in Marriage

“Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice
chastity in continence.”22 Parents are well aware that living conjugal chastity
themselves is the most valid premise for educating their children in chaste
love and in holiness of life.
The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of
the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human

20
Ibid., 33.
21
CCC, 2337.
22
Ibid., 2349.
HUMAN PROCREATION 401

performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and

enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude.23
This means that parents should be aware that God’s love is present in their
love, and hence that their sexual giving should also be lived out in respect
for God and for his plan of love, with fidelity, honor, and generosity toward
one’s spouse and the life that can arise from their act of love. Only in this
way can their love be an expression of charity.
Therefore, in marriage, Christians are called to live this self-giving in a
right personal relationship with God. Only in this way do they respond to
the love of God and fulfill his will. There is no legitimate love, at its highest
level, that is not also love for God. To love the Lord implies responding
positively to his commandments: “If you love me, you will keep my
commandments” (Jn 14:15).24
In the Christian view, chastity in marriage by no means signifies rejection
of human sexuality. Rather, it signifies spiritual energy that is capable of
defending love from the perils of selfishness and aggressiveness.25
To live chastity well, the Church insists on the need of the spouses to
acquire a deep spiritual life, rooted in prayer and the frequent reception
of the sacraments. Only in this environment can conjugal love (and its
attendant, generosity in the transmission of life) develop. The results of
conjugal chastity are an inner serenity and peace, a good understanding
between the spouses, an increased sense of responsibility, and a greater
efficiency in the educational thrust within the family.26

36b) Offenses against Chastity

(1) Masturbation
Sexuality is naturally geared to another; thus, masturbation, or self-
abuse, is contrary to nature. But masturbation is also contrary to the social
nature of man, not only because it reflects self‑centeredness, but also because
a person who is unwilling to control his vital urges is not adjusted to society,
and so may easily injure justice in any of its forms. On masturbation, the
Catechism has the following to say:

23
GS, 49.
24
Not to do so is always self-delusion, as Saint John of Avila observes: Some people are
so clouded in their minds that they believe that if their heart moves them to do anything,
they must do it, even if it is against the commandments of God. They say that they love him
so much that if they break his commandments they do not lose his love. In this way they
forget that the Son of God preached the contrary from his own lips: “Whoever welcomes my
commandments and observes them, this man loves me” (John 14:21); “If anyone loves me he
will keep my commandments” (John 14:23). And, anyone who does not love me does not keep
my words. Thus God makes us understand clearly that whoever does not keep his words has
neither his friendship nor his love. As Saint Augustine says: “No-one can love the king if he
abhors his commandments” [Saint John of Avila , Audi filia, c. 50].
25
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 33; R. García de Haro, Marriage and Family
in the Documents of the Magisterium, (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1994), 360.
26
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 21.
402 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation

of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the
Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition,
and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have
firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely
disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for
whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its
purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual
relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which
the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in
the context of true love is achieved.”27
To form an equitable judgment and guide pastoral action fairly, pastors must
take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions
of anxiety of the subject, and other psychological or social factors that can
lessen—if not even reduce to a minimum—moral culpability.
Moreover, marriage is not the solution for the problem of masturbation,
since marriage also demands a great deal of capacity for self-control against
the temptations of infidelity and for those periods when it would be
imprudent or even unjust to have sexual relations (in case of the infectious
disease of one of the two, for example), or when it is impossible to do so
(enforced absence, for example).28

(2) Fornication
Fornication (sexual relations between a man and a woman, both of them
unmarried) is a grievous sin that is contrary to the rational nature of man,
since it does not express the mutual self-giving of the life-long union. It is
an intrinsically evil act but not contrary to nature. (It is, however, if they
are homosexual relations.)

(3) Adultery
Adultery (sexual relations between a man and a woman, at least one
of whom is married) shares the malice of fornication and is also contrary
to justice, because it damages the rights of a third or even fourth person.
It is a known fact that in the first centuries, adultery—along with murder
and apostasy—was put among the three most serious sins and required
a particularly heavy and lengthy public penance before the repentant
sinner could be granted forgiveness and readmission to the ecclesial
community.29

27
CCC, 2352; cf. Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Decl. Persona Humana, 9.
28
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Person, Family and State, 82.
29
Cf. John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 54; CCC, 2351–2356.
HUMAN PROCREATION 403

(4) Other sins of impurity

Pornography is a grave offense that consists in removing real or imaginary
sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners in order to deliberately display
them to third parties.
Prostitution is a grave sin that does injury to the dignity of the person who
engages in it, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure.
Rape is a grave sin against chastity, justice, and charity. Graver still is the
rape of children that is committed by parents (incest) or by those who are
responsible for the education of the children who are entrusted to them.
In addition to these sins, the unnatural consummated sins of impurity
are onanism (or withdrawal, coitus interruptus), sodomy, and bestiality.
 33

transmission of Life:
responsible Parenthood

37. Meaning of Responsible Parenthood

When a man and a woman freely choose to marry, they choose, at the
same time, the possibility of procreation, and choose to participate in creation
(for that is the proper meaning of the word procreation). Only then, within
the framework of marriage, do they put their sexual relationship on a truly
personal level. The simple natural fact of becoming a father or a mother
has a deep significance, not merely a biological, but also a person‑affirming
significance. Inevitably, it has profound effects upon the “interior” of the
person, which are summarized in the concept of parenthood.
The concept of “responsible parenthood” appeared for the first time in
Gaudium et Spes. Later, Paul VI explained it in depth in the Humanae Vitae.1
Responsible parenthood is an attitude toward parenthood—not separated
from the practice of virtue—that encompasses God’s plan for marriage and
the family. It also involves the recognition of duties of the spouses toward
themselves, the family, and society, while, at the same time, recognizing that
they are not free to proceed completely at will, as if they could determine
in a wholly autonomous manner the honest path to follow. It is the same
as family planning. The idea of family planning, however, often has some
negative connotations for life and the family, and the Church, therefore,
prefers the expression responsible parenthood.

1
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 32; Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 13, 88; CCC,
2368–2370.
RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD 405

Responsible parenthood is a manifestation of genuine respect for life; it

requires the exercise of a deep love and the virtue of continence. The concept
of responsible parenthood does not mean limited parenthood, or “not
having children,” because if there are no children, there is no parenthood.
Moreover, if one wants to avoid the responsibilities of one’s acts, he cannot
be called responsible. Couples have a mission of responsible parenthood; this
is a requirement of their conjugal love. This mission involves two things:
i) The knowledge and respect of their biological functions
ii) The necessary dominion that reason and will must exercise over these
functions2
A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of
procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births
of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is
not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity
appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should
conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality.3

When it is question of harmonizing married love with the

responsible transmission of life, it is not enough to take only the
good intention and the evaluation of motives into account; the
objective criteria must be used, criteria drawn from the nature of
the human person and human action, criteria which respect the
total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the
context of true love; all this is possible only if the virtue of married
chastity is seriously practiced.4

37a) How Responsible Parenthood is Exercised

The conjugal duty is part of married people’s vocation to holiness: “The
husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife
to her husband” (1 Cor 7:3). The marital act can be offered to God and be a
means of sanctification. These acts foster mutual love and devotion:
The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of
the spouses takes place are noble and honorable, the truly human
performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and
enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude.5
Marriage and love are, by nature, ordained to the procreation and
education of the children.6 The sexual act, properly exercised within
marriage only, is ordained primarily to the propagation of life. But it is

2
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 10.
3
CCC, 2368.
4
GS, 51.
5
Ibid., 49.
6
Cf. Ibid., 50.
406 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

known that not all marital acts result in new life because there are fertile
and infertile periods within the female sexual cycle. The Magisterium
therefore teaches: “Responsible parenthood is exercised either by the mature
and generous decision to raise a large family, or by the decision, made for
grave motives and with respect for the moral law, to avoid a new birth for
the time being, or even for an indeterminate period.”7
The so-called problem of “regulation of birth” or “birth control” is
thereby presented. To form a correct judgment, the spouses need to evaluate
the circumstances, but moreover, they must cultivate the proper internal
dispositions and consider:
• the greatness of the gift of life,
• the joy of raising up new human lives,
• the goodness and generosity of the divine plan,
• the need to love the cross,
• the humility that helps one recognize and drive out selfishness,
• the practice of chastity,
• the need to frequent the sacraments.8

37b) The Decision to Raise a Large Family

Christian couples are called to be heroic. The witness of authentic faith
that God asks of those to whom he gives the vocation to matrimony is that
they have as many children as they can. Responsible parenthood means
having more children if God sends them. Without a supernatural outlook,
it is difficult to grasp this concept. “The husband and wife must recognize
fully their own duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family,
towards society, in a correct hierarchy of values.”9 Apostolate in this area
starts with helping couples to improve their interior life.
Does this mean that every couple has to keep on having children?
No. Each couple has to see before God how many children he wants them
to have and be open to his will. “They must conform their activity to the
creative intention of God. In the task of transmitting life, therefore, they are
not free to proceed completely at will.”10 They have to bear in mind that
God has brought them together for the purpose of having children. On the
other hand, infertile couples can find, in their infertility, manifestations of
the will of God for them and can dedicate themselves to other aspects of
the apostolate of the family.

7
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 10; cf. GS, 50.
8
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 6, 14, 28, 30, 33, 34, 57ff.
9
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 10.
10
Ibid.
RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD 407

37c) Grave Reasons to Avoid a New Birth

If, alternatively, the couple decides that they should avoid a new birth
for the time being, they must have grave reasons for choosing so. Ultimately,
the discernment of the existence of a grave reason remains the responsibility
of the couple. They should keep in mind that, one day, they will have to
render an account before God of the children they did or did not have.
Graver reasons are required for having no more children than for not having
any for the next six months. Rather than say clearly what constitutes a grave
reason (the Church herself does not specify but leaves it up to couples), it
is easier to say what may not necessarily constitute a grave reason. A loan
that has to be paid on the house, the desire to get a second car or have a
vacation do not constitute grave reasons. The matter has to be weighed with
a Christian conscience, bearing in mind the main purpose of marriage. A
mother of four with a serious heart problem could be considered to have a
grave reason for postponing or avoiding completely a new birth.
The couple should decide on this after forming their conscience well
by getting sound advice from a priest who is faithful to the doctrine of the
Church.

37d) Respect for the Moral Law

Responsible parenthood is linked to the real good of human persons
and to what corresponds to the true dignity of the person. Thus, every
choice must conform to objective moral law. The moral order is not
something that harms man. On the contrary, it places itself at the service
of the person’s full humanity, guiding every creature toward its happiness.
However, man must not forget that, without the cross, he cannot reach the
Resurrection. Responsible parenthood is connected with a continual effort
and commitment, and it is put into effect by self-denial. Self-denial needs to
be sustained by an intense spirituality. Prayer, penance, and the Eucharist
are the principal sources of spirituality for married couples.11
According to Christian moral teaching, there are illicit and licit methods
of regulating birth.12 The artificial methods are illicit; in them, the spouses
act as arbiters of the divine plan, and they manipulate and degrade human
sexuality. The natural methods are licit.13
It is licit to have marital relations at a time when conception cannot
take place.14

11
Cf. Ibid., 21.
12
Cf. Ibid., 14, 15.
13
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 32.
14
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 11.
408 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

38. The Judgment of Conscience of the Spouses

All spouses are called to live the fullness of the divine law, and to it they
must be led. Humanae Vitae insists that the spouses make a judgment—not
arbitrarily but as ministers of God’s will—whether to have many children
or to postpone for a time, or even indefinitely, a new birth.
Responsible parenthood also and above all implies a more profound
relationship to the objective moral order, of which a right conscience is the
faithful interpreter.15
Responsible parenthood is linked to moral maturity. To make a correct
judgment, couples need to form their conscience well, and seek good advice.
They need to be wary of the fact that conscience, if not well-formed, can tell
us only what we want to hear. We are free to follow only our well‑formed
conscience.
Sincerity of conscience can also make a strong case, but no matter how
strongly we “feel” or think something to be morally right (subjectively), our
feelings, thoughts, or beliefs do not guarantee that our actions are objectively
in conformity with the moral law.
Unfortunately, some of the most erroneous and damaging exercises
in responsible parenthood have been carried out under the banner of
“following one’s conscience.”
In giving advice, pastors and counselors are enjoined to help the faithful
avoid anxiety and the deformation of conscience. They should do so in
unity with the moral and pastoral judgment of the Magisterium.16
The encyclical Veritatis Splendor makes reference to some of these points
about conscience, freedom, and the moral law:
• Objective truth prevails over subjective judgment.
• Human freedom is meaningful only within God’s law.
• Human freedom does not create the law.
• Conscience must be based on the objective norm.
• A mature conscience searches and is guided by the objective
truth.
• An erroneous conscience might not be guilty but is never a rule of
morality.
• Conscience is never “independent” from truth.
• Mortal sin cannot be excluded by the “fundamental option.” It
exists when a person knowingly and willingly, for whatever reason,
chooses something that is gravely disordered.17

15
Cf. Ibid., 10.
16
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 31, 34.
17
Cf. John Paul II, Enc. Veritatis Splendor, 32, 35, 60, 63, 64, 70.
RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD 409

39. Demographic Regulation

Demographic regulation may be carried out in a great variety of ways:
encouraging the migration of individuals to less populated areas, developing
the countryside to avoid concentration of population in the city, passing
laws that limit the number of residents in certain areas. Unfortunately, due
to a widespread campaign, the promotion of the use of contraceptives has
been considered the standard solution to such problems.
There may be demographic problems in some countries (many call
these “population problems”) but the solution is not—simply—to force the
reduction of population growth. The identification of the problem is not
the moral issue here. The moral issue lies in the choice of solutions to the
problem. The Catechism clearly states that the use of contraceptive methods
is an immoral solution to such a problem. The state, therefore, cannot favor
illicit methods of demographic regulation, and Catholic citizens act rightly
when they oppose any pressure from the state in this respect.18

18
Cf. CCC, 2366, 2372, 2373, 2370.
 34

transmission and
Preservation of Life:
Contraception and abortion

THERE IS A close connection in the mentality of contraception and that

of abortion. Even if they are sins that are opposed to different virtues, both
are products of the same negative values inherent in the “contraceptive
mentality.”

40. Contraception
A couple that has economic or health difficulties may see their family
increase excessively if they do not refrain from sexual intercourse during
certain periods of time. Several physical, moral, and economic factors can
sometimes combine to create a crisis situation. These circumstances are often
put forward as strong arguments for the limitation of births.
Such demands are linked with the name of Thomas Malthus, an
Anglican clergyman, author of Essay on the Principle of Population (1798).
According to Malthusian doctrine, the limitation of births is an economic
necessity, since—it maintains—the means of subsistence, which increase by
arithmetic progression, cannot keep up with population, which naturally
increases by geometric progression. Utilitarians regard the principle of
maximization of pleasure accompanied by the minimization of pain as the
primary rule of human morality. Since sexual intercourse gives men and
women so much pleasure—they conclude—means must be found to spare
them the need to refrain from it, even when they do not want offspring.
However, man is endowed with reason not so that he may calculate the
maximum of pleasure that is obtainable in this life, but that he may seek
knowledge of objective truth, as a basis for absolute principles (norms) to
live by. Human morality cannot be grounded in utility alone; it must sink its
CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION 411

roots in justice. In sexual matters, it is not enough to affirm that a particular

mode of behavior is expedient. We must be able to show that it is just.
“Contraception is every action which, either in anticipation of the
conjugal act [or indeed any genital act], or in its accomplishment, or in
the development of its natural consequences, proposes, either as end or
as means, to impede procreation.”1 These actions normally impede the
union of egg and sperm before, during, or after sexual intercourse. Some
contraceptive mechanisms work by interfering with the purpose of the act
of intercourse by placing an artificial barrier between the sperm and the
ovum, as in the use of an external device, such as a condom. Some work
by destroying the viability of the sperm, as in the case of spermicidal jellies
or douches. Long-term contraception is achieved by means of ligation or
vasectomy; both are forms of physical castration. Chemical contraception
is achieved with the birth control pill.
The marriage act has two functions: a biological or procreative function,
and a spiritual-unitive function. Some erroneously claim that contraception
suspends the procreative aspect, leaving intact its unitive aspect, and thus,
it is lawful. However, the marriage act is a human act (therefore with a
material aspect and a spiritual aspect). The unitive and procreative aspects
are not two separated acts. If one of these fundamental aspects is artificially
removed, the resultant act is no longer a marriage act but a “genital act.”
Thus, the two aspects of the marriage act cannot be separated. If one
deliberately nullifies the life‑oriented process of the conjugal act, one destroys
its essential power to signify union.
Birth control is not a merely biological question, but primarily an
ethical one. By depriving the marital act of its procreative capacity (by
contraception), it becomes a moral disorder against the virtue of chastity.
From being an act of mutual self-giving, it becomes an act of mutual
masturbation. And by doing so, married couples make their sexual act to
be not an act of true marital union, but one that mocks and simulates their
one‑flesh unity.2 If they choose to do this, their sexual union is no longer
truly a conjugal act, because they do not truly give themselves unreservedly
to one another. Their (loosely speaking) genital act is not only anti-life but
also anti-love.
Contraception is a falsification of love:
The innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving
of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an
objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving
oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to
be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal
love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality.3

` 1
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 14.
2
Cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 360.
3
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 32.
412 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Many are the means towards this end that need to be developed
with skill and serious commitment. At the first stage of life, centers
for natural methods of regulating fertility should be promoted as a
valuable help to responsible parenthood, in which all individuals,
and in the first place the child, are recognized and respected in
their own right, and where every decision is guided by the ideal
of the sincere gift of self.4
The state attacks the family if it uses its power to:
• encourage small families through taxation or housing policies,
• disseminate and distribute contraceptives,
• provide incentives for sterilization, or even enforce it.5
The slogan that is voiced by champions of “free love,” utilitarianism, and
individualism is that “no unwanted child ought ever to be born.” Opposed
to it is a truth that is rooted in the reality and dignity of human existence,
namely that “no person, including children, ought to be unwanted.”6

41. Morality of Contraception

The Catechism states: “Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when
sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”7
Love and sexuality cannot be identified or separated. To identify love
with sexuality is to destroy the human meaning of both. The unitive and
procreative aspects of the marriage act cannot be separated. Any act of
contraception, be it by pills, condoms, withdrawal, or ligation is always
wrong, and if this is done with full knowledge and full consent, it is
always a mortal sin. Every marriage act must be open to the transmission
of human life.8
To use the divine gift of the marriage act to destroy its meaning and
purpose—even if only partially—is to contradict the nature of both man
and woman and their most intimate relationship and, therefore, also the
plan of God and his will.9
“Every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or
in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences,
proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible”
is intrinsically evil.10 This is a very strong term for the Church to use.
Some may pose the question, “Can a marriage be open to life in general
but not in particular?” Pope Paul VI answers:

4
John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 88.
5
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Informal Talks on the Family and Society, 107–121.
6
W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 38.
7
CCC, 2351.
8
Cf. Ibid., 2362, 2363, 2366.
9
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 13.
10
Ibid., 14.
CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION 413

It is a serious error to think that a whole married life of otherwise

normal relations can justify sexual intercourse that is deliberately
contraceptive in a specific instance and so intrinsically wrong.11
All forms of contraception are immoral for all people, not just for
Catholics.

42. Abortion
Both the Christian Tradition and the teachings of the Church, all based
on the teaching of the Scriptures on the sacredness of life, are unanimous
in condemning abortion. Abortion willed either as an end or a means
is gravely contrary to the moral law. Formal cooperation in an abortion
constitutes a grave offense. The Church attaches the canonical penalty
of excommunication to this crime against human life.12 Evangelium Vitae
declared:
It is frequently asserted that contraception, if made safe and
available to all, is the most effective remedy against abortion. The
Catholic Church is then accused of actually promoting abortion,
because she obstinately continues to teach the moral unlawfulness
of contraception. When looked at carefully, this objection is clearly
unfounded. It may be that many people use contraception with a
view to excluding the subsequent temptation of abortion. But the
negative values inherent in the “contraceptive mentality”—which
is very different from responsible parenthood, lived in respect
for the full truth of the conjugal act—are such that they in fact
strengthen this temptation when an unwanted life is conceived.
Indeed, the pro-abortion culture is especially strong precisely where
the Church’s teaching on contraception is rejected. Certainly, from
the moral point of view contraception and abortion are specifically
different evils: the former contradicts the full truth of the sexual act
as the proper expression of conjugal love, while the latter destroys
the life of a human being; the former is opposed to the virtue of
chastity in marriage, the latter is opposed to the virtue of justice and
directly violates the divine commandment “You shall not kill.”13
With regard to things, but even more with regard to life, man is not
the absolute master and final judge, but rather—and this is where his
incomparable greatness lies—he is the “minister of God’s plan.”14 Life is
entrusted to man as a treasure and a talent that must be used well. Man must

11
Ibid.
12
Cf. CCC, 2270–2275.
13
John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 13.
14
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 13.
414 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

render an account of it to his Master (cf. Mt 25:14–30; Lk 19:12–27). Thus,

man is answerable to God for the way he uses creation, and especially for
the way he treats life. God himself is the promoter and defender of life; he
provides life directly, and forbids its destruction. Thus, John Paul II solemnly
declared:
By the authority that Christ conferred upon Peter and his Successors,
and in communion with the Bishops of the Catholic Church, I
confirm that the direct and voluntary killing of an innocent human
being is always gravely immoral.…
The deliberate decision to deprive an innocent human being
of his life is always morally evil and can never be licit either as an
end in itself or as a means to a good end. It is in fact a grave act
of disobedience to the moral law, and indeed to God himself, the
author and guarantor of that law; it contradicts the fundamental
virtues of justice and charity. Nothing and no one can in any way
permit the killing of an innocent human being, whether a fetus or
an embryo, an infant or an adult, an old person, or one suffering
from an incurable disease, or a person who is dying. Furthermore,
no one is permitted to ask for this act of killing, either for himself
or herself or for another person entrusted to his or her care, nor can
he or she consent to it, either explicitly or implicitly. Nor can any
authority legitimately recommend or permit such an action.15
From the declaration that the direct and voluntary killing of an innocent
human being is always gravely immoral, even when it is performed as a
means to a good end, the application of this moral principle to abortion is
natural and inevitable, for there is no more innocent, weak, and defenseless
human being than a baby in the womb. The unborn child is totally entrusted
by nature (hence, by God) to the protection and care of the woman carrying
him in the womb.
Today, in many people’s consciences, the perception of the gravity
of abortion has become progressively obscured. The acceptance of
abortion in the popular mind, in behavior and even in law itself, is
a telling sign of an extremely dangerous crisis of the moral sense,
which is becoming more and more incapable of distinguishing
between good and evil, even when the fundamental right to life is
at stake. Given such a grave situation, we need now more than ever
to have the courage to look the truth in the eye and to call things
by their proper name, without yielding to convenient compromises
or to the temptation of self-deception.
Especially in the case of abortion there is a widespread use
of ambiguous terminology, such as “interruption of pregnancy,”
which tends to hide abortion’s true nature and to attenuate its
15
John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 57.
CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION 415

seriousness in public opinion. Perhaps this linguistic phenomenon

is itself a symptom of an uneasiness of conscience. But no word
has the power to change the reality of things: procured abortion is
the deliberate and direct killing, by whatever means it is carried out, of a
human being in the initial phase of his or her existence, extending from
conception to birth.
The moral gravity of procured abortion is apparent in all its
truth if we recognize that we are dealing with murder and, in
particular, when we consider the specific elements involved. The
one eliminated is a human being at the very beginning of life. No
one more absolutely innocent could be imagined. In no way could
this human being ever be considered an aggressor, much less an
unjust aggressor! He or she is weak, defenseless, even to the point
of lacking that minimal form of defense consisting in the poignant
power of a newborn baby’s cries and tears. The unborn child is
totally entrusted to the protection and care of the woman carrying
him or her in the womb. And yet sometimes it is precisely the
mother herself who makes the decision and asks for the child to
be eliminated, and who then goes about having it done.16
Evangelium Vitae concedes that there may be emotional, social, economic,
and eugenic pressures on the parents of the unborn child that seemingly
favor abortion, but, nevertheless, “these reasons … can never justify the killing
of an innocent human being.”17
There are persons and institutions that are responsible for abortion,
among them the parents, doctors, legislators, those who encourage sexual
permissiveness, and international institutions that campaign (or pay) for
the legalization of abortion.
The Church well knows that it is difficult to mount an effective
legal defense of life in pluralistic democracies, because of the
presence of strong cultural currents with differing outlooks. At the
same time, certain that moral truth cannot fail to make its presence
deeply felt in every conscience, the Church encourages political
leaders, starting with those who are Christians, not to give in, but to
make those choices which, taking into account what is realistically
attainable, will lead to the re-establishment of a just order in the
defense and promotion of the value of life. Here it must be noted
that it is not enough to remove unjust laws. The underlying causes
of attacks on life have to be eliminated, especially by ensuring
proper support for families and motherhood. A family policy must
be the basis and driving force of all social policies. For this reason
there need to be set in place social and political initiatives capable

16
Ibid., 58.
17
Ibid.
416 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

of guaranteeing conditions of true freedom of choice in matters of

parenthood. It is also necessary to rethink labor, urban, residential
and social service policies so as to harmonize working schedules
with time available for the family, so that it becomes effectively
possible to take care of children and the elderly.18
The condemnation of abortion applies also to the experimentation on human
embryos and to euthanasia.

43. Mechanism of Contraceptives and Abortifacient Pills

There is a close connection in mentality between the practice of
contraception and that of abortion. It is being demonstrated in an alarming
way by the development of chemical products, intrauterine devices, and
vaccines that, distributed with the same ease as contraceptives, really act as
abortifacients in the very early stages of the development of the life of the
new human being. The so-called pill is one of these widespread chemical
products. The pill has three mechanisms of action:
i) Inhibition of ovulation
ii) Prevention of fertilization (union of sperm and ovum)
iii) Obstruction of the implantation of zygote in the uterine wall
(nidation)
The first and second mechanisms are contraceptive, while the third is
abortive. The abortive mechanism is becoming increasingly used in place of
the contraceptive mechanism of inhibiting ovulation, which is now viewed
as disruptive of the woman’s normal cycles. The abortifacient mechanism
works by preventing nidation, the process by which the fertilized ovum
(a new baby) is implanted in the wall of the uterus, which is necessary
for its growth and development. Having prevented nidation, the abortive
mechanism then expels the baby from the uterus.
The pill is composed of two synthetic hormones called estrogen and
progesterone. The early versions of the pill consisted of high doses of both
hormones. This, it was found, led to a high incidence of complications.
Companies in the US have now decided to push low‑dose combinations
and have withdrawn the high dose pills. The low-dose pills permit more
ovulation and more conception, and hence rely more heavily on chemical
abortion. Chemical abortion can occur in 2%–10% of female cycles (i.e.,
one cycle per year).19
Nevertheless, from the ethical point of view, there is no objection to a
therapeutic use of pills in some purely gynecological disorders, provided
that its contraceptive effect is not directly intended for any motive
whatsoever, and the possibility of its abortifacient effect is absolutely

Ibid., 90.
18

Cf. B.M. Kuhar, “Pharmaceutical Companies, The New Abortionists,” Human Life
19

International Reprint, 16.

CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION 417

eliminated.20 It is never licit to use these drugs for contraceptive purposes,

i.e., to avoid a pregnancy that could aggravate a medical condition, like
grave cardiopathy, tuberculosis, or physical exhaustion.

43a) Direct Abortifacients

(1) Depoprovera
Depoprovera has been labeled a long-term contraceptive but is in fact an
abortifacient. It comes in the form of an injection. The U.S. Food and Drug
Administration has deemed this drug unsafe for American women but has
not discouraged its producers (Upjohn) from promoting and distributing
it to third world countries.21

(2) RU 486
RU 486 (produced by Roussel‑Uclaf) prevents the uptake of progesterone,
a necessary hormone in the early stages of pregnancy. Expulsion of the baby
occurs in about 86% of women within 24 hours.22 It causes severe bleeding,
at times lasting up to 42 days.

(3) IUD (Intra-uterine device)

The IUD (Intra‑uterine device) is a plastic device of various shapes that
is placed inside the uterus. It alters the lining of the uterus by producing
local irritation. It seems to produce inflammation of the uterine mucosa that
impedes the implantation of the ovum. Likewise, it alters the mechanism
of transport of the spermatocytes. The developing child (fertilized ovum)
who has come from the fallopian tube cannot implant and thus dies. The
IUD has anti‑implantation and abortive effects.
The morning after pill works in the same way as the IUD.

(4) Norplant
Norplant is a series of six non-biodegradable rubber-like rods or
capsules that are surgically implanted under the skin in the inside portion
of the arm. It can continue its abortifacient activity for up to six years. Its
side effects are similar to those of the IUD.
Manufacturers are working at present on an abortifacient vaccine.

(5) The “morning after pill”

The “morning after pill” or “emergency contraceptive pill” (ECP) is
a chemical product of hormonal nature. It is increasingly presented and
marketed as a contraceptive (i.e., preventing conception) that could be
used in emergency situations after sexual intercourse in order to avoid an
unwanted pregnancy. In reality, it is an abortive product. It prevents the
fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus by altering the internal wall

20
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 15.
21
Cf. Project Abortifacients, Human Life International, June 1991.
22
Cf. H. Barber, “RU‑486: Boon or Bane?” P&T, Jan. 1991.
418 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

of this organ, and provokes its expulsion from the uterus. Only when the
ECP is taken before ovulation can it prevent the production of the egg,
and therefore work as a contraceptive. Otherwise, the ECP works as an
anti-nidatory drug.23

43b) Truth and the Pill

One of the injustices that are suffered by women today is the lies to
which they are subjected by the contraceptive industry. Contraceptives
are not clearly labeled and their mechanism of action is obscured. Potent
abortifacients are commercially sold as medication for hyperacidity (under
the generic name, Misoprostol). The side effects of these preparations, which
are sometimes lethal, are not stated or explained.

43c) Regulation of Periods

Some of the hormonal preparations can be used in a legitimately moral
way to regulate the period in a woman with irregular menses. These should
be administered only by a doctor who is faithful to the teachings of the
Church. The drug prescribed should not be an abortifacient.
The Church in no way regards as unlawful therapeutic means that are
truly necessary to cure organic diseases, even though they have a foreseen
contraceptive effect, provided that this contraceptive effect is not directly
intended for any motive whatsoever.24

44. Sterilization
Equally to be condemned, as the Magisterium of the Church has
affirmed on various occasions, is direct sterilization, whether of the man
or of the woman, whether permanent or temporary.25 The more commonly
used methods are as follows:
• Tubal sterilization (salpingectomy) consists in the ligation or
electrocoagulation of both fallopian tubes. It is a highly effective
contraceptive method. It is usually irreversible, although there are
techniques of recanalization.
• Vasectomy in males consists in bilateral ligation of the vas deferens,
which impedes the passage of the spermatocytes.26
A hysterectomy (removal of the womb) that results in the woman being sterile
(indirect sterilization) is morally licit if it is performed for valid medical

23
Cf. Uganda Catholic Bishops’ Conference, Letter The “Emergency Contraceptive Pill—
ECP”: An Appeal to Reason and Sincerity, Mar. 23, 2001.
24
Cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 15.
25
Cf. Ibid., 14; CCC, 2297.
26
Cf. M. Monge, Ethical Practices in Health and Disease, 140.
CONTRACEPTION AND ABORTION 419

reasons (non-contraceptive). The resultant sterility is an unintended side

effect of the procedure.

45. Use of Condoms

In many countries, civil authorities have been encouraging the use of
prophylactics (condoms) to avoid the spreading of AIDS.
We believe this approach is simplistic and evasive. It leads to a
false sense of complacency on the part of the State, creating an
impression that an adequate solution has been arrived at. On the
contrary, it simply evades and neglects the heart of the solution,
namely, the formation of authentic sexual values.

We strongly reprobate media advertisements that lure people

with the idea of so-called safe sex, through condom use. As in
contraception, so also in preventing HIV-AIDS infection condom
use is not a fail-safe approach.

When one lives by faith, as all followers of Christ must, one is

convinced that chastity and the refusal to engage in extra-marital
activity are the best protection against HIV-AIDS.27
The use of condoms by married couples to prevent pregnancy has also been
condemned by the Church.

46. Other Sins against Life

The Second Vatican Council gave a number of examples of sins against
life:
All offenses against life itself, such as murder, genocide, abortion,
euthanasia and wilful suicide; all violations of the integrity of the
human person, such as mutilation, physical and mental torture,
undue psychological pressures; all offenses against human dignity,
such as subhuman living conditions, arbitrary imprisonment,
deportation, slavery, prostitution, the selling of women and
children, degrading working conditions where men are treated as
mere tools for profit rather than free and responsible persons: all

27
Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, Letter In the Compassion of Jesus,
Jan. 1993.
420 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

these and the like are criminal: they poison civilization; and they
debase the perpetrators more than the victims and militate against
the honor of the creator.28
Euthanasia (or mercy killing) is an action or omission that intentionally causes
death in order to eliminate suffering. It is a grave violation of God’s law
and can be equated to suicide (when it is freely requested by the individual
concerned) or murder (when it is imposed on an unwilling or unconscious
person by relatives, physicians, or legislators). Recourse to euthanasia is
a case of either “false mercy” or arrogance on the part of those who seize
for themselves the power to decide who ought to live and who ought to
die. Discontinuing medical procedures that are burdensome, dangerous,
or disproportionate to the expected outcome (that is, very extraordinary
procedures) can be legitimate. However, the ordinary care that is owed to
a sick person cannot be legitimately interrupted. Painkillers can be used
to alleviate the sufferings.29
Civil laws that justify or legalize abortion and euthanasia are the fruit
of ethical relativism. There is no obligation in conscience to obey such laws;
instead, there is a grave and clear obligation to oppose them by conscientious
objection. These laws deny the existence of an objective moral law, and
derive the concepts of good and evil from the changing perceptions of the
majority. Hence the need to rediscover the essential and innate human and
moral values, which flow from the truth of the human being, values that no
individual, majority, or state can ever create, modify, or destroy, but must
only acknowledge, respect, and promote.

28
GS, 27; cf. John Paul II, Enc. Veritatis Splendor, 80.
29
Cf. John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 64–77; CCC, 2276–2279.
 35

transmission of Life:
natural regulation
of Fertility

47. The Transmission of Human Life

47a) Man’s Role in Reproduction
Sperm cells are the life creating cells of the man. Each time a man
ejaculates, millions of sperm cells are released. Once they are deposited in
the wife’s vagina, sperm cells can fertilize the female egg. Sperm cells can
survive for three days or more. Most men are always fertile because sperm
cells are continuously being made.

47b) Woman’s Role in Reproduction: Ovulation and Menstruation

When a girl matures into a woman, she is able to have children. She
begins to have cycles of ovulation and menstruation.
Ovulation: Once every month or so, a ripe egg is released from one
of the ovaries. It travels into one of the fallopian tubes, where it may be
united with a sperm cell, if any have reached the fallopian tube, and a baby
is conceived.
Menstruation: If conception does not happen, the egg dies within 24
hours. Later, a part of the internal lining of the woman’s womb leaves her
body, causing some bleeding.

47c) The Fertility Cycle

A woman’s menstrual cycle is also called her fertility cycle. Its length
varies from woman to woman and from cycle to cycle. Most cycles last
25–35 days. The phases of the fertility cycle are the following:
• The days before ovulation (the early days). As the ovulation phase gets
nearer, pregnancy becomes more likely.
• The ovulation phase. This is the fertile part of the cycle. The marital act
during this phase may result in pregnancy, especially if it takes place:
422 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

o on the days just before ovulation,

o at the time of ovulation,
o any time during the lifetime of the released egg.
• The days after ovulation (the late days). This is an infertile time. This
phase usually lasts 11–16 days.

48. Natural Family Planning

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is a way to regulate conception by
timing the marital act. By using NFP, couples learn to recognize the times
in a woman’s menstrual cycle during which she can become pregnant.
They can then plan their sexual relations depending on whether or not they
want to have a baby at a particular time. NFP is not the same as the rhythm
(calendar) method. Whereas the rhythm method is based on past menstrual
cycles only, NFP depends on the changes of fertility as they happen.
If there are reasonable grounds for spacing births, arising from the
physical or psychological condition of the husband and wife or
from external circumstances, the Church teaches that then married
people may take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the
reproductive system and use their marriage precisely at the times
that are infertile, and in this way control birth, a way which does
not in the least offend the moral principles which we have just
explained.1
The so‑called natural methods are concerned with a scientific question;
they are methods of determining fertility. Here, precisely, is where the meeting
of ethics, theology, and science must take place. Philosophical ethics and
moral theology take up scientific knowledge and make it the path whereby
the human person—using his freedom—achieves responsible procreation.
Nevertheless, this knowledge and the methods connected with it could be
used for purposes that are morally illicit. In fact, one cannot forget “that
truth known through science can be used by human freedom for purposes
that are opposed to man’s good—the good that ethics knows.”2 Therefore,
it is necessary to contrast contraception with conjugal chastity rather than
to contrast natural with artificial methods, for one of the manifestations of
conjugal chastity is precisely periodic continence for just reasons.
The Church recognizes that there can be objective motives to have
recourse to periodic continence. It insists, though, that couples must have
serious reasons to lawfully refrain from the use of marriage during fertile
days, while still making use of it during infertile periods, so that the spouses
can express their love and safeguard their mutual fidelity.3

1
Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 16; cf. CCC, 2370.
2
John Paul II, Address, Nov. 14, 1984.
3
Cf. Ibid.
NATURAL REGULATION OF FERTILITY 423

49. Moral Difference between NFP and Contraception

The difference between contraception and NFP is much wider and
deeper than is usually thought. It is one that involves two irreconcilable
concepts of the human person and human sexuality.
The upright use of the natural regulation is radically different from
contraceptive practice. It is not simply a difference of technique
but a different ethical behavior. The natural methods are means to
determine the fertile periods of the wife. They open the possibility
of abstaining from sexual relations whenever, due to just reasons
of responsibility, the spouses desire to avoid a conception. In this
case they modify their sexual behavior through continence while
the dynamics and the structure of the conjugal act do not suffer any
falsification. That is never the case when they choose contraception;
they do not change their sexual behavior, and they falsify the
intrinsic meaning of the gift of self, proper to the conjugal act, by
arbitrarily closing it to the dynamics of the transmission of life.4
In contraception, the spouses attribute to themselves the indiscriminate
right to be arbitrators of life, while in periodic continence, they renounce,
by a mutual, intelligent, and responsible agreement, the use of matrimony
during the fertile periods. Therefore, there is a twofold difference between
periodic continence and contraception:
i) The object of the act
ii) The intention of the spouses
These are the two elements by which the morality of an action is judged.
The innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving
of husband and wife is overlaid through contraception by an
objectively contradictory language, namely that of not giving
oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to
be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal
love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality.…

The choice of natural rhythms involves accepting the cycle of

the person, that is the woman and thereby accepting dialogue,
reciprocal respect, shared responsibility, and self-control. To accept
the cycle and to enter into dialogue means to recognize both the
spiritual and corporal character of conjugal communion, and to
live personal love with its requirement of fidelity.5
John Paul II warned us against the danger of teaching about natural methods
without accompanying it with adequate formation of conscience.6

4
John Paul II, Address, Jan. 10, 1992; cf. CCC, 2370.
5
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 32.
6
Cf. John Paul II, Address, Mar. 14, 1988.
 36

transmission of Life:
artificial Fertilization

50. Concept of Artificial Fertilization

Marriage is an institution that exists for the sake of love, not merely for
the purpose of biological reproduction. The intentions and the attention of
each partner should be fixed upon the other, upon his or her good. Marital
intercourse is—and should be—an interpersonal act, the result of reciprocal
betrothed love between the spouses. Intercourse is necessary to marital
love, not just to procreation. The marital act is not an act of “making,”
either babies or love. Love is not a product that one makes; it is a gift that
one gives—the gift of self. It must be an act of unification of persons, and
not merely the instrument or means of procreation.
As we have studied, human life comes as a gift, crowning the marital
act itself. This act perfects the spouses, and, from that gift, a baby is born,
equal in dignity to its parents.
A human being is something precious and good, a person, a being
of incalculable value, worthy of respect, a bearer of inviolable rights,
a being who ought to be loved.1

Children, who are persons equal in dignity to their mothers and

fathers, are to be begotten in the loving embrace of husband and
wife, and not through acts of fornication and adultery, nor are they
to be “made” in the laboratory and treated as products inferior to
their producers.2

1
W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 17.
2
Ibid., 19.
ARTIFICIAL FERTILIZATION 425

Artificial fertilization is any process by which fertilization of an ovum

takes place not as a result of the act of sexual intercourse, but as a result
of the sperm being introduced into the woman by means of an artificial
process.
These techniques of artificial reproduction, which would seem to be at
the service of life and which are frequently used with this intention,
actually open the door to new threats against life. Apart from the
fact that they are morally unacceptable, since they separate procreation
from the fully human context of the conjugal act, these techniques have
a high rate of failure: not just failure in relation to fertilization but
with regard to the subsequent development of the embryo, which
is exposed to the risk of death, generally within a very short space
of time. Furthermore, the number of embryos produced is often
greater than that needed for implantation in the woman’s womb,
and these so-called “spare embryos” are then destroyed or used for
research which, under the pretext of scientific or medical progress,
in fact reduces human life to the level of simple “biological material”
to be freely disposed of.3
The very term artificial fertilization raises many questions about the
protection of the dignity of human sexuality and procreation. This technique
is sometimes sought by infertile couples who desire to have a baby. While
this desire is noble and legitimate and even to be encouraged, it must be
remembered that a baby is a gift from God. Couples do not have a right
to have a baby and much less the right to go against the laws of morality
in having one. Every act (that is, the chosen course of action, or object) has
its own morality, and a good intention does not justify an intrinsically
evil act. Greater good comes to the infertile couple themselves and to the
whole of society by the respect that is given to God’s law for marriage and
the family. The Lord of creation is the only one who has dominion over
human procreation. It is his will that some couples give Christian witness
in marriage without children of their own and thus fulfill their mission in
society. He will bless them in this mission in countless ways.

51. Artificial Insemination

There are two types of artificial insemination:
i) Homologous artificial insemination (AIH), from the husband
ii) Heterologous artificial insemination (AID), from a donor other than
the husband
Artificial insemination as well as in vitro fertilization involve manipulative,
artificial techniques that threaten to convert procreation (a human act) into

3
John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 14.
426 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

a mere technique that is devoid of interpersonal relations. The offspring

ought to be the fruit of an act of love of the parents, the conjugal act. This
act is the only dignified way of engendering new life. The child is the fruit
of the conjugal union. John Paul II teaches that man originates from an act
of procreation that is not exclusively biological, but also spiritual. This is
so because the parents are united by the “bond of matrimony.”4

51a) Artificial Insemination by the Husband (AIH)

The process of artificial insemination by the husband (AIH) involves
getting a specimen of sperm from the husband and implanting it into the
fallopian tubes or other part of the woman’s reproductive organs. The
conjugal act does not take place. To obtain the specimen by masturbation
is against the moral law. The implantation of the sperm by a mechanical
instrument replaces the marriage act with a laboratory procedure and
converts something sacred into something mechanical.
By this procedure, the unitive aspect of the conjugal act is separated
from the procreative aspect. This is the main reason for the moral objections
to this method.
Each child must be the fruit of an act of love that is the expression of
total self-giving in the language of the body. AIH is, therefore, not a morally
acceptable means of achieving fertilization.
On the other hand, it is lawful to help the natural conjugal act attain
its purpose. After the conjugal act, the sperm may be collected from the
female organ and deposited in the fallopian tubes so as “to facilitate and
help” procreation. This case may be morally acceptable because the union
between the unitive and procreative aspects of the act is maintained. As
yet, the Church has not spoken definitively on this, but seems to allow this
possibility.5

51b) Artificial Insemination by a Donor (AID)

In the process of artificial insemination by a donor (AID), the sperm is
obtained from a third party. Therefore, it contravenes the property of unity
of the natural institution of marriage and is gravely immoral. It is as though
the wife had conjugal relations with a man other than her husband. The
process also contravenes the rights of the child, because it deprives him
of a proper filial relationship with his parents and, thus, can hinder the
maturation of his personal identity.
The origin of a human person is the result of an act of giving. The
one conceived must be the fruit of his parents’ love. He cannot be desired
or conceived as the product of an intervention of medical or biological
techniques; that would be equivalent to reducing him to an object of
scientific technology.6

4
John Paul II, Address, Oct. 29, 1983.
5
Cf. CCC, 2377.
6
Cf. Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Donum Vitae, 82; CCC, 2376, 2377.
ARTIFICIAL FERTILIZATION 427

52. In Vitro Fertilization (Test Tube Babies)

In vitro means, “in a test tube,” that is, outside the human body as
opposed to in vivo, which means inside it. The process of in vitro fertilization
involves fertilizing a number of ova in test tubes with sperm that is
usually obtained through masturbation. The embryos (babies) that are
useful are implanted into the mother’s womb; those that are not useful
are discarded.
This process, therefore, always involves abortion, which is always
murder. The procedure is against the sacredness of human life and the
dignity of the human being.
In in vitro fertilization the technician does not simply assist the
marital act, but substitutes for that act.… The technician has thus
become the principal cause of generation, acting through the
instrumental forces of sperm and ovum.

Moreover, the claim that in vitro fertilization is an “extension” of the

marital act, and not a substitution for it, is simply contrary to the
fact. What is extended is not the act of intercourse, but the intention;
from an intention to beget a child naturally to getting it by IVF, by
artificial insemination, or by help of a surrogate mother.7
Sometimes, the embryos are frozen for future use (cryo‑preservation).
This technique unnecessarily exposes human life to risk of death and
degradation.
Fertilization achieved outside the bodies of the couple remains
by this very fact deprived of the meaning and the values that are
expressed in the language of the body, and in the union of human
persons.

The transmission of human life is entrusted by nature to a personal

and conscious act and as such is subject to the all-holy laws of
God; immutable and inviolable laws, which must be recognized
and observed. For this reason one cannot use means and follow
methods that could be licit in the transmission of the life of plants
and animals.8

7
W. May, Marriage, the Rock on which the Family is Built, 98.
8
Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Donum Vitae, 82; cf. CCC, 2376,
2377.
428 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

53. Related Issues

53a) Surrogate Motherhood
Surrogate motherhood involves the hiring of a womb. A baby is
conceived in the womb of one woman and is then transferred to the
womb of another for the second woman to carry the baby until birth. It
involves bringing a second woman into the marriage relationship and
is, therefore, against the property of unity of the natural institution of
marriage. It contravenes the right of the child to be conceived, carried in
the womb, brought into the world, and brought up by its own parents. It
represents a failure to meet the demands of maternal love and responsible
motherhood.9 It also raises doubts about the identity of the mother, as well
as legal problems.

53b) Gestation of Human Embryos in Animals

The practice of gestation of human embryos in animals is against the
right to be conceived and to be born within marriage and from marriage.
It is against human dignity.10

53c) Cloning
The process of cloning involves reproducing human beings without
any connection with sexuality. It is also against the right to be conceived
and born within marriage and from marriage.11

53d) Pre-Nuptial Certificate

In some countries, a medical examination is recommended before
marriage. This is justified especially when there is a high probability that
the future spouses may be carriers of hereditary diseases. This medical
examination may be morally lawful as long as it is not converted into an
impediment to marriage. A pre‑nuptial certificate, moreover, must not be
obligatory or eliminatory.
The pre-nuptial medical inquiry must be restricted to information that
will help the couple face their responsibilities. Future spouses should be
aware of the limitations of such a document. Genetic counseling includes
three aspects:
i) Diagnosis of existing familial diseases
ii) Probability of the disease in the couple or their descendants, expressed
in numerical figures
iii) Responses to questions

9
Cf. CCC, 2376.
10
Cf. Ibid., 2275, 2376.
11
Cf. Ibid.
ARTIFICIAL FERTILIZATION 429

53e) Fertility Tests

A fertility test is done one year or so after continuous marital life, when
necessary. There are ways whereby a specimen of semen can be obtained
in a moral way. Obtaining semen specimens by masturbation is never
morally licit.

53f) Prenatal Diagnosis

Prenatal diagnosis reveals the sex of the unborn child; it is morally licit
if it respects the life and integrity of the fetus. It is sinful when the thought
of a possible abortion is present, depending on the results.12

12
Cf. Ibid., 2274; John Paul II, Enc. Evangelium Vitae, 14, 63.
 37

transmission of Life:
education of the Children

54. The Role of the Parents

Parents have the right and duty to educate their offspring. By conferring
life on their children, they cooperated with God in generating a new human
person; thus, they must take the task of helping that person to effectively
live a fully human life. This parental duty is original and primary with regard
to the educational role of others because of the uniqueness of the loving
relationship between parents and children. It is irreplaceable and inalienable,
and therefore incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped
by others.
The family is, therefore, the principal school of the social virtues, which
are necessary to every society.1 Parents are the first and most important educators
of their children, and they also possess a fundamental competence in this area;
they are educators because they are parents.
Parents must never feel alone in the educational task. The Church
supports and encourages them, confident that they can carry out this
function better than anyone else. Parents must approach this duty in a spirit
of prayer, open and obedient to the moral truths of faith and reason that
integrate the teaching of the Church, and always seeing children and young
people as persons, children of God and heirs to the Kingdom of heaven.
Much of the formation in the home is indirect, incarnated in a loving and tender
atmosphere, for it arises from the presence and example of parents whose
love is pure and generous.2

1
Cf. GE, 3; John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 36.
2
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 40, 149.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 431

Even though being a family is something spiritual, we cannot ignore

the material element: The family needs a home. To make its educational
mission effective, the family needs an adequate environment, a minimum
of comfortable material facilities.

55. Father and Mother as Educators

The most recent findings in the psychological and pedagogical sciences
as well as human experience reveal the decisive importance of an affective
atmosphere in the family for a harmonious education. A serene relationship
between husband and wife, and their positive presence (both father and
mother) facilitate the process of identification and spiritual growth of their
children.
Certain serious failures of the parents (for example, one or both parents’
absence from family life, a lack of interest in the children’s education,
or excessive severity) are factors that can cause emotional and affective
disturbances in children. Parents must find time to be with their children
and take time to talk with them.3

56. The Parents Educational Role is Based on the Sacrament

of Matrimony
The parents’ mission to educate is rooted in their participation in God’s
creative activity. This mission is confirmed in the Sacrament of Marriage,
which consecrates them for the Christian education of their children. The
sacrament makes them share in the authority and love of God, and of
Christ the Shepherd, and participate in the motherly love of the Church. It
enriches them with wisdom, counsel, fortitude, and all the other gifts of the
Holy Spirit in order to help the children in their growth not only as human
beings but also as children of God. Thus,
• parents must give not only corporal life to their children, but also
the life of faith;
• this mission is undertaken by means of family life itself, which
becomes a school of Christian initiation and of following Christ.4

3
Cf. Ibid., 50, 51.
4
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 39.
432 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

57. Relations with Other Educating Agents

The family is the primary and exclusive—but not the only—educating
community. Other educators can assist in this task, but they can only take
the place of parents for serious reasons (the parents’ physical or moral
incapacity). Parents may share their mission with other individuals or
institutions, such as the Church and the state, since parents, by themselves,
are often not capable of providing every requirement of the whole process
of raising children, especially in matters concerning their schooling. But
corresponding to their right to education, parents have a serious duty to
commit themselves to a cordial and active relationship with teachers and
school authorities. In these cases, it is recommended that parents keep
themselves informed on the content and methodology with which such
supplementary education is imparted.5

57a) The Principle of Subsidiarity

The mission of education must always be carried out in accordance
with a proper application of the principle of subsidiarity. This implies the
need of giving assistance to the parents, but only insofar as parents cannot
impart this education by themselves. Thus, subsidiarity complements
paternal and maternal love, because all other participants in the process of
education are able to carry out their responsibilities only in the name of the
parents, with their consent, and, to a certain degree, with their authorization.
Nevertheless, parents have the right to claim for themselves any aspect of
the education of their children; they may, for example, join other parents
and put up educational projects.6

57b) Importance of the School

Among the various organs of education, “the school is of outstanding
importance. In nurturing the intellectual faculties which is its special
mission, it develops a capacity for sound judgment and introduces the
pupils to the cultural heritage bequeathed to them by former generations.
It fosters a sense of values and prepares them for professional life. By
providing for friendly contacts between pupils of different characters and
backgrounds it encourages mutual understanding.”7 The decisions that a
person makes in the course of a lifetime depend, to a great degree, on the
kind of formation he has received at school.

5
Cf. John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983.
6
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 22,
23, 24, 25. On the principle of subsidiarity, cf. the treatise Social Doctrine of the Church
of this Volume, chapter 33, no. 22.
7
GE, 5.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 433

True educators never limit themselves to merely academic instruction;

they seek the integral development of the person. When teaching intellectual
habits to their students, they also form their consciences, and this has a
powerful influence on the rest of their lives. Therefore, from a moral and
religious point of view, there is no such thing as a “neutral school.” Either
it gives an education in keeping with Christian principles, or it willfully
ignores Christ, with all the serious consequences this brings with it.
However, the important thing is not that the school be Catholic in
name, but in practice: in its teaching, in the formation it provides, and in
the values it develops. A school fulfills this obligation when it faithfully
follows the teachings of the Church.

58. Content of Formation

With respect to the content of the educational work of the parents, the
apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio lists the following:
• Parents must encourage the formation of right values, especially, a
correct attitude of freedom with regard to material goods, the adoption
of a simple and austere life style, and a conviction that “it is what
a man is, rather than what he has, that counts.”8
• Children must learn to cultivate virtues if they are to truly be
the persons they are meant to be. In a society shaken and split
by tensions and conflicts that are caused by the violent clash of
various kinds of individualism and selfishness, children must be
enriched with a sense of true justice, which alone leads to respect
for the personal dignity of each individual, and also, and more
powerfully, with a sense of true love, understood as sincere solicitude
and disinterested service with regard to others, especially the
poorest and those in most need.
• Parents must also impart a proper sexual education, nourished by
the virtue of chastity. This virtue empowers the children to give
themselves away in love to others.9

58a) Education in Freedom

Family education should be carried out in an atmosphere of freedom.
Imposing things by force, in an authoritarian manner, is not the right
way to teach. The ideal attitude of parents lies more in becoming
their children’s friends—friends who will be willing to share their
anxieties, who will listen to their problems, who will help them in
an effective and agreeable way.10

8
GS, 35.
9
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 37.
10
St. Josemaría Escrivá, Christ is Passing By, 27.
434 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

Often, an authoritarian attitude of the parents leads to a rejection of the

principles they try to teach. Thus, authority should be exercised avoiding
two extremes: too much softness, and too much severity.
It is not a matter of imposing a line of conduct, but rather of
showing the human and supernatural motives for it. In a word,
parents have to respect their children’s freedom, because there is
no real education without personal responsibility, and there is no
responsibility without freedom.11
That sense of responsibility should lead the children to assume with maturity
the consequences of their actions and decisions, without passing the blame
to the circumstances, persons, or events. It is not a mater of justifying oneself
in front of the others, but of responding to God.
The function of the parents is double:
i) To teach the children to be free
ii) To discreetly monitor how they use their freedom
To orient the children’s freedom and foster responsibility in them, parents
need to display fortitude and serenity.

58b) Education in All Virtues

Character is the integration of several fundamental strengths of
mind and will—which we call virtues—into one personality. Virtues are
internalized, habitual, permanent habits and attitudes by which one deals
with life in all its circumstances. Moral virtues are necessary means for a
person to reach his goal. Among the virtues to teach are the following:
• Faith. The active belief in God and in all that he has revealed about
himself, his Church, his justice and mercy, the meaning of life here
on earth and afterwards in eternity.
• Hope. The confidence that God will give us the means of salvation,
and that his loving providence watches over us throughout our
lives; therefore, no problem is unendurable.
• Charity. An overriding love for God, a love that shapes and directs
all other loves—for spouse, children, friends, strangers, or material
goods. Parents ought to teach their children to be generous with
others, to trust, and to avoid anything that may look like criticism,
backbiting, or discord among siblings.
• Prudence. Today, we call this “sound judgment,” the ability to make
the important distinctions in life: distinguishing right from wrong,
truth from falsehood, fact from opinion, reason from emotion, the
eternal from the transitory. A well-formed conscience is part of this
virtue.
• Justice. This we could call “a sense of responsibility”—giving
others what is due to them. It is the sense of duty that is implicit in

11
Ibid.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 435

recognizing the rights of others, including the rights of God. In one

sense, this awareness of responsibility is the most important mark
of moral adulthood—maturity is responsibility. Parents should
guide their children to be sincere and loyal.
• Fortitude. This virtue is a disposition of toughness in one’s
personality—that is, a willingness and ability to either solve
difficulties or endure them. It is the power to overcome or withstand
hardship, disappointment, inconvenience, and pain. Its opposite
(very common today) is escapism. Fortitude is essential to real love.
Love, after all, is not just a bundle of sentiments; it is the capacity
and willingness to embrace hardship for the sake of someone’s
welfare. Children should be taught to be disciplined in their work
and schedule.
• Temperance. This is self-control, self-discipline—a rational control
over the passions and appetites, a self-imposed restraint for the
sake of some higher good. Its opposite (also common today) is self-
indulgence, a habitual pursuit of pleasure and comfort as ends in
themselves. The good example of sobriety and vigilance in the use
of television and other mass media, which may foster an attitude
of laziness, is of great importance. Children should be trained to
avoid whims and creating imaginary necessities, and to be austere
in their expenses.
Moreover, parents should develop their children’s critical capacity to fight
against the attacks of a culture of consumerism. They should also foster the
children’s cultural interests adapted to each one’s age.

58c) Sexual Education: Situation of the Problem

In the past, Christian parents seldom exercised the right and duty to
provide specific sexual education for their children. Perhaps the need for it
was not as acute as it is today. The parents’ task was, in part, fulfilled by the
prevailing social models and the role played by the Church and the Catholic
school. The general culture was permeated by respect for fundamental
values and hence served to protect and maintain them. Nowadays, the
decline of traditional models has left children deprived of consistent and
positive guidance, while parents often find themselves unprepared to
provide adequate answers.
Moreover, though schools have made themselves available to carry out
programs of sex education, they have commonly done this by taking the
place of the family and, most of the time, aim only at providing information.
This has often led to the deformation of consciences. In many cases, parents
have given up their duty in this field or agreed to delegate it to others
because of the difficulty and their own lack of preparation.12

12
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 1, 47.
436 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

58d) Education for Chastity

The natural method for sexual education is personal dialogue
between parents and children. It is recognized that any child or young
person has the right to withdraw from any form of sexual instruction
that is imparted outside the home.13 Through this formation for chastity
in the family, adolescents and young people learn to live sexuality in its
personal dimension, rejecting any kind of separation of sexuality from
love—understood as self-giving—and any separation of the love between
husband and wife from the family.

PATHS OF FORMATION WITHIN THE FAMILY

59. Formation in the Community of Life and Love

The self-giving that inspires the love of husband and wife for each
other is the model and norm for the self-giving that must be practiced in
the relationships between brothers and sisters and the different generations
that live together in the family.14

59a) Self-Control
Children should be trained in the virtue of self-control, which is
an attitude and disposition of personal mortification and self‑denial, a
necessary condition for being capable of self-giving.
Also important in family life is the virtue of modesty, nourished by
faith, and a life of prayer.15

60. Decency and Modesty

The practice of decency and modesty in speech, action, and dress is very
important for creating an atmosphere that is suitable for the growth of
chastity. Parents should be watchful so that certain immoral fashions
and attitudes do not violate the integrity of the home, especially through
misuse of the mass media, in particular, with regard to use of television
or the Internet.
Respect for privacy must be considered in close connection with decency
and modesty.16

13
This right is the practical extension of the right of the child to be chaste, and corresponds
to the parents’ right to help them in this area; cf. Guidelines for the Education within the Family,
32, 115, 120, and 149.
14
Cf. Ibid., 52, 53.
15
Cf. Ibid., 55, 58.
16
Cf. Ibid., 57.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 437

61. Parents as Models for their Children

The good example and leadership of parents is essential in strengthening
the formation of young people in virtues. This is also true for education in
a spirit of sacrifice in families, which are subject more than ever today to
the pressures of materialism and consumerism.17
The first example and the greatest help that parents can give their
children is their generosity in accepting life, without forgetting that this is
how parents help their children to have a simpler lifestyle.18

62. Educators in the Faith and Prayer

The parents are the first heralds of the Gospel for their children, and for
this, they have received the specific grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony to
teach their children the truths of faith (beginning with a simple catechism),
and to teach them to pray.19

LEARNING STAGES
Parents, in particular, have the duty to let their children know about
living Christian virtues and the mysteries of human life, because the family
is, in fact, the best environment to accomplish the obligation of securing a
gradual education.20

63. Four Principles Regarding Information about Sexuality

i) Each child is a unique and unrepeatable person and must receive individualized
formation. Experience shows that this works out better when each
parent communicates the biological, emotional, moral, and spiritual
information to the child or young person of the same sex through a
personal dialogue. Being aware of the role, emotions, and problems of
their own sex, mothers have a special bond with their daughters, and
fathers with their sons.
ii) The moral dimension must always be part of their explanations. Parents must
insist on the positive value of chastity and its capacity to generate true
love for other persons. Only a person who knows how to be chaste will

17
Cf. Ibid., 59–60.
18
Cf. Ibid., 61.
19
Cf. Ibid., 62.
20
Cf. Ibid., 64.
438 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

know how to love in marriage or in virginity. From the earliest age,

parents should gently correct such habits that could become sinful later,
and, when necessary, teach modesty as the child grows. It is always
important to justify the judgment on adequate, valid, and convincing
grounds, both at the level of reason and faith, that is, in a positive
framework with a high concept of personal dignity.
iii) The biological development of the children should always be
accompanied by a growth of spiritual life, formation in chastity, and an
ever-greater awareness of the dignity of each human person and his
body. Parents can illustrate the positive values of human sexuality in
the context of the person’s original vocation to love and the universal
call to holiness. They should pass on to their children the conviction
that chastity in one’s state in life is possible and that chastity brings joy.
Therefore, they should teach them how to use the means to grow in
the love of God and one’s neighbor, and to overcome any difficulties.
These means are:
• guarding the senses and the mind,
• avoiding occasions of sin,
• the observance of modesty,
• moderation in recreation,
• good working habits,
• wholesome pursuits,
• avoiding idleness,
• organizing one’s life of piety,
• assiduous prayer,
• spiritual guidance or direction,
• frequent reception of the Sacraments of Penance and the
Eucharist,
• devotion to the Immaculate Mother of God.
iv) Parents should provide this information with great delicacy, but clearly and
at the appropriate time. Parents’ words should be neither too explicit nor
too vague. Giving too many details to children is counterproductive.
But delaying the first information for too long is imprudent, because
every human person has natural curiosity in this regard and, sooner or
later, children begin to ask themselves questions, especially in cultures
where too much can be seen, even in public.21

21
Cf. Ibid., 65–75.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 439

64. Children’s Principal Stages of Development

64a) The Years of Innocence
One of Christian parents’ important duties is that of preparing their
children, as soon as they reach an appropriate age, for the reception of the
Sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist.
At this age, children cannot integrate premature sexual information
with moral responsibility. Such information tends to shatter their emotional
and educational development. In general, the first sexual information to be
given to a small child does not deal with genital sexuality, but rather with
pregnancy and the birth of a brother or sister. Parents can take advantage of
this happy experience to communicate some simple facts about pregnancy,
but always in the deepest context of wonder at the creative work of God,
who wants the new life he has given to be cared for in the mother’s body,
near her heart.22

64b) Puberty
Puberty, which constitutes the initial phase of adolescence, is a time of
self-discovery of one’s own inner world, the time of generous plans, the time
when the feeling of love awakens with the biological impulses of sexuality,
the time of the desire to be together, and the time of particularly intense joy
connected with the exhilarating discovery of life. But it is often also the age
of deeper questioning, anguished or even frustrating searching, a certain
mistrust of others and dangerous introspection, and sometimes the age of
the first experiences of setbacks and disappointments. In this phase, the
genital aspects in the context of procreation, marriage, and the family are
educational matters of concern.
Instruction for both girls and boys should aim at pointing out the
beauty of motherhood and the wonderful reality of procreation, as well as
the deep meaning of virginity.
During puberty, the psychological and emotional development of boys
can make them vulnerable to erotic fantasies, and they may be tempted to
try sexual experiences. Parents should be close to their children and correct
the tendency to use sexuality in a hedonistic and materialistic way.
To form their consciences, parents should teach their children that
God has a project of love for every person, that moral law is positive and
liberating, and that sin has caused a certain weakness in us. Thus, one
should fight against natural bad inclinations; the main means is grace, which
strengthens us on our path toward salvation. One’s conscience must not be
confused with a vague subjective feeling or personal opinion.23

22
Cf. Ibid., 76.
23
Cf. Ibid., 87, 88, 92, 93, 95.
440 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

64c) Adolescence
The principal task of parents consists in imparting to their adolescent
children a catechesis that leads them to grasp a genuinely Christian
understanding of life. This catechesis must shed the light of the Christian
message on those realities, which have greater impact on the adolescent,
such as the meaning of bodily existence, love and the family, the standards to
be followed in life, in work and in leisure, in justice and peace, and so on.

(1) A time of rebellion

Adolescence is a time of rebellion. Having previously depended totally
on their parents, adolescents begin to acquire an awareness of their own
autonomy. This rebelliousness is a natural tendency in all human beings and
should not upset any sensible parent. It is a part of the process of maturation.
At the same time, parents should remain attentive to help, respect, foster,
and orient their children’s freedom, without accepting the frivolities and
errors to which they are exposed.
Parents should be brothers and friends of their children, and, at the same
time, bearers of a loftier truth and ideal. They should give their children
the chance to open up their hearts confidently.

(2) Teaching how to be free

Parents should help adolescent children to understand that freedom is
fundamentally the capacity of each person to live in accordance with laws
and right reason, and that this great gift can be abused.

(3) Discovering one’s vocation

In terms of personal development, adolescence represents the period
of self-projection and, therefore, the discovery of one’s vocation. Christian
parents should educate their children for life in such a way that each one
may fully perform his role according to the vocation that is received from
God. The Church’s teaching on the sublime value of virginity and celibacy
and the vocational meaning of marriage must never be lacking.24

(4) Patiently and affectionately

With regard to Christian life, parents have to give good example to
their children and lead them with patient persuasion and affection. They
should not, however, impose Christian obligations by force.

(5) Teaching purity

The example of the parents is especially decisive in adolescence, the
phase when young people are looking for living examples and attractive
behavior models. Since sexual problems become more evident at this time,

24
Cf. Ibid., 98–101.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 441

parents should also help them to love the beauty and strength of chastity
through prudent advice, highlighting the inestimable value of prayer and
frequent fruitful recourse to the sacraments for a chaste life, especially
personal confession.
Masturbation particularly constitutes a very serious disorder that
is illicit in itself and cannot be morally justified. Therefore, adolescents
should be helped to overcome manifestations of this disorder, which often
express the inner conflicts of their age and, in many cases, a selfish vision
of sexuality.
A particular problem that can appear during the process of sexual
maturation is homosexuality. A distinction must be made between a tendency
that can be almost innate, and acts of homosexuality that are intrinsically
disordered and contrary to natural law.
In the face of what hedonistic groups propose, especially in affluent
societies, it is very important to present to young people the ideals of
human and Christian solidarity and concrete ways of being committed in
Church associations, movements, and voluntary Catholic and missionary
activities.
Friendships are very important in this period. Through loving and
patient advice, parents will help young people to avoid an excessive closing
in on themselves.25

64d) Towards Adulthood

The parents’ mission does not end when their children come of legal
age; young people need help when they enter the working world or
higher education.
By keeping a confident dialogue that encourages a sense of
responsibility and respects their children’s legitimate and necessary
autonomy, parents will always be their reference point, through both
advice and example. Care should be taken that children do not discontinue
their faith relationship with the Church.
In the period leading to engagement and in the choice of that preferred
attachment that can lead to forming a family, the role of parents should
not consist merely in prohibitions, much less in imposing the choice of a
fiancé or fiancée.26

25
Cf. Ibid., 102–104, 106–108.
26
Cf. Ibid., 109–111.
442 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

PRACTICAL GUIDELINES

65. Guidelines for Parents and Educators

For parents:
• Parents have the right to educate their children in conformity with their
moral and religious conviction.
• Parents have the right to freely choose schools. The state and the Church
have the obligation to give families all possible aid to enable them
to properly perform their educational role. Public authorities must
ensure that public subsidies are so allocated that parents are truly free
to exercise this right without incurring unjust burdens.
• Parents have the right to ensure that their children are not compelled
to attend classes that are not in agreement with their own moral and
religious convictions. In particular, sex education is a basic right of the
parents and must always be carried out under their close supervision,
whether at home or in educational centers that are chosen and controlled
by them.
• Parents must keep themselves informed on the programs, content,
and methodology that are used to impart supplementary education to
their children. The rights of parents are violated when they are forced
to accept policies, educators, and programs that are contrary to the
educational credo of the parents.
• If ideologies that are opposed to the Christian faith are taught in schools,
the family must join with other families—through family associations,
if possible—and with all its strength and wisdom help the young not to
depart from the faith. In this case, the family needs special assistance
from pastors of souls, who must never forget that parents have the
inviolable right to entrust their children to the ecclesial community.
• Parents must be free to create study centers and to manage them. The
state must be vigilant about the quality of schools and teachers, but
cannot monopolize schools, programs of study, textbooks, etc.
• The family has the right to expect that the means of social communication
will be positive instruments for the building up of society, and will
reinforce the fundamental values of the family.27
These criteria are demanded by the respect for the dignity of the human
person and not because of any particular religious persuasion. But these
rights remain solely theoretical if the state does not subsidize private
schools in a way that is similar to its subsidizing the public schools,
whatever the specific system may be. An example of a fair system is the

27
Cf. John Paul II, Charter of the Rights of the Family, Oct. 22, 1983; Ap. Ex. Familiaris
Consortio, 40.
EDUCATION OF THE CHILDREN 443

so-called scholastic allowance (or voucher program), in which each child is

allocated the cost of one place at a public school. In this way, the parents
will not find themselves, in practice, obliged to have recourse to the public
school as the only feasible solution.28

For all educators:

• No educator—not even parents—can interfere with a child’s right
to chastity (cf. Mt 18:4–7).
• Respect should be given to the right of the child and the young person
to be adequately informed by their own parents on moral and sexual
questions in a way that complies with his desire to be chaste and
to be formed in chastity.
• Respect should be given to the right of the child or young person to
withdraw from any form of sexual instruction that is imparted outside
the home.29

66. Four Working Principles and their Particular Norms

Education for love can take concrete form in four working principles:

i) Human sexuality is a sacred mystery and must be presented according

to the doctrinal and moral teaching of the Church, always bearing in
mind the effects of original sin.
ii) Only information that is proportionate to each phase of their individual
development should be presented to children and young people.
iii) No material of an erotic nature should be presented to children or young
people of any age, individually or in a group.
iv) No one should ever be invited, let alone obliged, to act in any way
that could objectively offend modesty or subjectively offend his own
decorum or sense of privacy.30

67. Recommended Methods

• The normal and fundamental method of education is personal dialogue
between parents and their children, that is, individual formation within
the family circle.
• As couples or as individuals, parents can get together with others who
are prepared for education for love to draw on their experience and

28
Cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 281.
29
Cf. Pontifical Council for the Family, Guidelines for Education within the Family, 118–120.
30
Cf. Ibid., 121–127.
444 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

competence. These people can offer explanations and provide parents

with books and other resources that are approved by the ecclesiastical
authorities. Parents who find it very difficult to face up to the
problematic side of education for love can have meetings with their
children, guided by these expert persons.
• In certain situations, parents can entrust part of education for love to another
trustworthy person, if there are matters that require specific competence
or pastoral care in particular cases.
• Catechesis on morality may be provided by other trustworthy persons,
with particular emphasis on sexual ethics at puberty and adolescence.
Parents should take an interest in the moral catechesis that is given to
their own children outside the home and use it as a support for their
own educational work. Such catechesis must not include the more
intimate aspects of sexual information, whether biological or affective,
which belong to individual formation within the family.
• The religious formation of the parents themselves—in particular, solid
catechetical preparation of adults in the truth of love—builds the
foundations of a mature faith that can guide them in the formation
of their own children. This adult catechesis enables them not only
to deepen their understanding of the community of life and love in
marriage, but also helps them learn how to communicate better with
their own children. To make parents capable of carrying out their
educational work, special formation courses with the help of experts
can be promoted.31

31
Cf. Ibid., 128–134.
 Part IV

relation Between the

Family and Society
 38

Participation in the
development of Society

68. The Family, Origin, and Principle of Society

The family is the natural society in which husband and wife are called
to give themselves in love and in the gift of life.
The Church recognizes that the family is the first and vital cell of society,
a school of the social virtues that are the animating principle of society. The
family remains the true foundation of society, constituting its natural and
fundamental nucleus.
The family has a social task within society. “The family is by nature
and vocation open to other families and to society; it takes upon itself an
important social role.”1 This social task is not something added to its being,
but is carried out by the family being what it is. Family life is an initiation
into life in society.

68a) Family Life, an Experience of Communion and Participation

The first and fundamental contribution of the family to society is the
very experience of communion and sharing that should characterize the family’s
daily life.
The family contains in itself the very future of society. Its most special
task is to contribute effectively to a future of peace.
The relationship between the members of the family community are
inspired and guided by the law of “free giving.” By respecting and
fostering personal dignity in each and every one as the only basis
for value, this free giving takes the form of heartfelt acceptance,

1
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, no. 42; CCC, 2207. The family and its relationship
to society are studied in CCC, 2207-2213.
PARTICIPATION IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIETY 447

encounter and dialogue, disinterested availability, generous service,

and deep solidarity.…

Thus, by becoming what it must be, the family fosters authentic

and mature communion between persons, and becomes a school
of social life, an example and stimulus for the broader community
relationships marked by respect, justice, dialogue, and love. The
family is thus, the place of origin and the most effective means for
humanizing and personalizing society.2

68b) Social and Political Function of the Family

The family contributes to the good of society by means of works of social
service, especially by means of hospitality, whether material or spiritual: by
opening the door of one’s home, and still more of one’s heart, to the pleas
of one’s brothers and sisters. The family renders this service in a more
human—and surely less costly—way than the state. A just family wage will
spare the wife from working outside the home out of financial necessity, as
often is the case, and this will solve many educational problems.3

69. Society at the Service of the Family

Society and the state must serve the family; they must make it possible for it
to obtain the help of which it has need, without absorbing the tasks that are
proper to the family.

69a) Complementarity of Functions: the Principle of Subsidiarity

Society and the state have a grave obligation to practice the principle
of subsidiarity by soliciting the greatest possible and responsible initiative
from the family. The intervention of public authorities is regulated by the
principle of subsidiarity:
By virtue of this principle, the State cannot and must not take away
from families the functions that they can just as well perform on
their own or in free associations; instead it must positively favor
and encourage as far as possible responsible initiative by families.
In the conviction that the good of the family is an indispensable
and essential value of the civil community, the public authorities
must do everything possible to ensure that families have all
those aids—economic, social, educational, political, and cultural
assistance—that they need in order to face all their responsibilities
in a human way.4

2
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 43.
3
Cf. Ibid., 44; CCC, 2208; R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of
the Magisterium, 366.
4
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 45.
448 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

70. Fundamental Rights of the Family

The Church has encouraged the establishment of the inalienable and
natural rights of the family in the Charter of Rights of the Family. Pope John
Paul II, in the apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio, provided a list of
the most important rights. These are the following:
• The right to found a family, support it, and exercise proper
responsibility in the transmission of life and education of the
children
• The right to the stability of the bond and institution of marriage
• The right to believe in and profess one’s faith and propagate it
• The right to bring up children in accordance with the family’s own
traditions and religious and cultural values, with the necessary
instruments, means, and institutions
• The right—especially of the poor and the sick—to obtain physical,
social, political, and economic security
• The right to housing that is suitable for living family life in a
proper way
• The right to expression and representation, either directly or
through associations, before the economic, social, and cultural
public authorities and lower authorities
• The right to form associations with other families and institutions
in order to fulfill the family’s role suitably and expeditiously
• The right to protect minors by adequate institutions and legislation
from the harmful effects of drugs, pornography, alcoholism, etc.
• The right to wholesome recreation of a kind that also fosters family
values
• The right of the elderly to a worthy life and a worthy death
• The right to emigrate as a family in search of a better life5

71. Some Errors on the Concept of Family

(1) Liberal individualism
Liberalism places the individual above the family and society with
the consequent decrease of the common good. Thus, there is a high risk of
falling into egoism that condones a pleasure-seeking “permissivism,” and
ends in partial or total blindness to social justice and the common good.
When there is defective individualism, the concern for the individual
and for the primacy of the person loses its balance, and becomes self-
interest wrongly understood. By losing the sense of solidarity, common
good and real human happiness disappear. This concern becomes

5
Cf. Ibid., 46; CCC, 2211.
PARTICIPATION IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIETY 449

“permissivism,” which is laissez faire in the wrong sense. It fails to see

that society is precisely the means for man to attain his eternal fulfillment
beyond this temporal life, and so society must also be good, and the
individual is responsible for making it good.
Moreover, defective individualism ends up substituting the love of
oneself (pure self-love) for the love of God and neighbor. Egoism becomes
the rule of life, and even God is seen only as an accessory, i.e., “If God
makes me happy, then I accept him.” From this practical atheism, it is
easy to slide into a practical type of materialism.6 The impact of liberal
ideology is felt on the family and human life:
The family is the singular victim of all this type of liberalism,
materialism, rationalism, and pragmatism. When the hedonistic
principle of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain at all costs is
applied to the family, “reasons” can easily be found to justify
divorce. When one equates happiness to sensible pleasure,
suffering is rejected as evil; and when human marriage is equated
to animal mating, it is easy to find “reasons” for marital infidelity
and for the legalization of divorce. And since those “reasons”
are based on self-centeredness and the hedonistic principles,
the children of those “broken homes” dutifully “learn” such
motivation, and so the spiral of evil keeps poisoning society.

With this hedonistic mentality, plenty of reasons can be found to

justify all those practices against human life and its incalculable
value. With those reasons abortion is legalized next to divorce, and
contraceptives and sterilizations are made liberally available and
encouraged. And the next thing to be legalize is euthanasia.…

Meanwhile, sex and violence (contempt for human life and its
origin) become the staple fare for the mass media and the largest
source of revenue and business: the ultimate degradation of
human dignity.7
(2) Marxism
Marxists advocate the eventual abolition of the family. To Marx and
Engels, the original state of mankind was a community of goods and free
love. It was only when private property was accepted that the need for
security led to stable institutions such as marriage and the family, and
the consequent enslavement of the woman. Thus, communists would
“emancipate” the woman from the drudgery of family life, of having to

6
Cf. J.M. de Torre, Informal Talks on the Family and Society, 107–121.
7
Ibid., 121–122.
450 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

raise children. They would beget children only when they want and with
whom they want. They will bring them up in any way they want, with or
without a male companion.
Christianity can correct the possible errors of liberalism and socialism,
but this is not possible with Marxist socialism and communism, due to the
constitutional atheism of this ideology and its radical denial of the spiritual
transcendence of man and of the dignity of the individual person.8

8
Cf. Ibid., 132–135.
 Part V

the Christian Family in the

Mystery of the Church
 39

Family Participation in the

Life and Mission
of the Church

72. Ecclesiastical Identity of the Christian Family

Christian spouses, by virtue of the sacrament of marriage, are the sign
of the mystery of unity and fruitful love between Christ and the Church
(cf. Eph 5:21–33). Thus, the ecclesial status of marriage (and of the family)
is based on a sacrament. The Christian family is, in its proper way, the image
and figure of the Church.
As in any other sacrament, the purpose of Christian marriage is to
sanctify people, build up the body of Christ, and give worship to God.
Christian spouses and parents are included in the universal call to sanctity.
This call is carried out concretely in the realities that are proper to their
conjugal and family life. This requires from them an authentic and profound
conjugal and family spirituality. As worshippers leading holy lives in every
place, they consecrate the world itself to God.
The family is not only a symbol of the Church but also a realization of
her; it builds the Church here on earth by being part of her life and mission.
Thus, the family can be seen as a miniature Church (Ecclesia domestica),
because it is a living image and historical representation of the mystery
of the Church.1 The spouses participate in this mystery by helping one
another to attain holiness in their conjugal life and in the acceptance and
education of the children.

1
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 49.
FAMILY PARTICIPATION IN THE MISSION OF THE CHURCH 453

73. The Family, Participant of the Mission of the Church

Among the fundamental tasks of the Christian family is its ecclesial
task: The family is placed at the service of the building up of the Kingdom
of God in history by participating in the life and mission of the Church.2
We should distinguish, however, between the mission of the hierarchy
and the mission of the laity; these are two specific ways of participating in
the total mission of the Church, the people of God.
The apostolic mission that is proper to the family—stemming from
the universal call to holiness—is a true ecclesial activity, a real participation
in the apostolate of the Church. It is not a participation of married people
in the ecclesiastical activities of the hierarchy. To reduce the apostolate of
the Christian family to such participation would be an impoverishment of
the doctrine.3

74. The Ecclesial Mission that is Proper to the Family

The Christian family fulfills its proper mission by building up the
Church through the everyday realities that concern and distinguish its state
of life. Family members share the same apostolic zeal, and are committed
to works of service.
The family has a specific and original ecclesial role: The Christian
family is called upon to take part actively and responsibly in
the mission of the Church in a way that is original and specific
by placing itself in what it is and what it does as an “intimate
community of life and love” at the service of the Church and of
society.

Since the Christian family is a community in which the relationships

are renewed by Christ through faith and the sacraments, the
family’s sharing in the Church’s mission should follow a community
pattern: The spouses together as a couple, the parents and children
as a family, must live their service to the Church and to the world.
They must be “of one heart and soul” (Acts 4:32) in faith, through
the shared apostolic zeal that animates them and through their
shared commitment to works of service in the ecclesial and civil
communities.

The Christian family also builds up the kingdom of God in history

through the everyday realities that concern and distinguish its
state of life. It is thus in the love between husband and wife and between

2
Cf. Ibid., 49.
3
Cf. Ibid., 34.
454 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

the members of the family—a love lived out in all its extraordinary
richness of values and demands: totality, oneness, fidelity and
fruitfulness—that the Christian family’s participation in the
prophetic, priestly and kingly mission of Jesus Christ and of his
Church finds expression and realization. Therefore, love and life
constitute the nucleus of the saving mission of the Christian family
in the Church and for the Church.4

74a) The Supernatural Calling to Sanctity and Apostolate

Christian couples are to be consistent with their faith by the testimony
of their lives. All are called to sanctity. This calling is not essentially different
from the vocation of all persons to the faith of Christ, since sanctity is
but the development and fruit of the seed of faith planted in our soul by
Baptism.
What, then, are the specific demands of sanctity for married people?
They should lend themselves to God’s service by giving themselves
reciprocally, one to the other, for the purpose of mutual perfection and the
procreation and education of children. The Church sees Christian marriage
as a supernatural vocation to holiness, and for this reason, also as the
principle of a specific apostolic mission.5 Everyone in the family should
seek sanctity and help others get closer to Christ; in doing so, they share
in the threefold ministry of Jesus Christ.

75. The Prophetic, Priestly, and Royal Ministry of Jesus

Christ
The Christian family participates according to its specific mode in the
prophetic, priestly, and pastoral (or royal) ministry—the three munera—of
Jesus Christ and the Church.
Having laid the foundation of the participation of the Christian
family in the Church’s mission, it is now time to illustrate its
substance in reference to Jesus Christ as Prophet, Priest and
King—three aspects of a single reality—by presenting the
Christian family as 1) a believing and evangelizing community,
2) a community in dialogue with God, and 3) a community at the
service of man.6

4
Ibid., 50; cf. Paul VI, Enc. Humanae Vitae, 9.
5
Cf. GS, 52.
6
John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 50; cf. CCC, 897–913.
FAMILY PARTICIPATION IN THE MISSION OF THE CHURCH 455

76. The Family Home: Place and Means of Sanctification

(Priestly Role)
The Christian family has a priestly role that can and ought to be exercised
in intimate communion with the whole Church through the daily realities
of married and family life. In this way, the Christian family is called to be
sanctified and to sanctify the ecclesial community and the world.
The Church has a sanctuary in the home. The Christian family is a
community in dialogue with God and has a priestly role:
• Marriage becomes a sacrament of mutual sanctification and an act of
worship. The Church teaches that this sanctification is carried out
concretely in the realities that are proper to their conjugal and family
life.
• The Christian family’s sanctifying role is based in Baptism and has
its highest expression in the Eucharist.
• The Sacrament of Conversion and Reconciliation is an essential part of
the Christian family’s sanctifying role, which consists in accepting
the call to conversion.
• In addition to the sacraments, family prayer achieves the
transformation of the daily lives of family members into spiritual
sacrifices that are acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. It is
prayer offered in common, husband and wife together, parents and
children together.

Apart from morning and evening prayers, certain forms of prayer are
encouraged, such as reading and meditating on the word of God, preparation
for the reception of the sacraments, devotion and consecration to the Sacred
Heart of Jesus, and various forms of veneration of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Among these should be mentioned the recitation of the rosary, grace before
and after meals, and observance of some popular devotions.7

7
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 55–59; LG, 10, 41.
456 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

77. The Christian Family as a Believing and Evangelizing

Community (Prophetic Role)
A Christian family is a believing and evangelizing community. The family
appears as a prophetic community when it becomes a school of sanctity
for each of its members and irradiates that same universal calling to sanctity
onto the others.
Faith that is lived in love makes the Christian family a fire that sheds
its light on many other families. Thus, a Christian family teaches with the
words of its members, and with the testimony of their lives. This apostolic
mission of the family flows from what the family itself is; it is exercised
through fidelity to its own proper being as a community of life and love.
This apostolic mission of the family is rooted in Baptism and receives from
the grace of the Sacrament of Marriage new strength to transmit the faith,
to sanctify and transform our present society according to God’s plan. The
apostolate of the family has two dimensions:
i) It is exercised among its own members.
ii) It makes Christian married couples and parents witnesses of Christ
“to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8).8

78. At the Service of Mankind (Pastoral Mission)

The family exercises its pastoral (or kingly) task by putting itself at the
service of human beings, as Christ did, and as he asks his disciples to do. This
service pertains to the laity in a specific way: Lay people serve mankind by
sanctifying the temporal structures, so that these might be delivered out of their
slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God (cf.
Rom. 8:21). Lay people serve the Church by engaging in temporal affairs and
directing them according to God’s will. Thus, the family makes the Church
present and fruitful in a wide circle of places and circumstances.
Love goes beyond our brothers and sisters of the same faith. In each
individual—especially in the poor, the weak, and those who suffer or are
unjustly treated—loves knows how to discover the face of Christ, and
discover a fellow human being to be loved and served.
While building up the Church in love, with a sense of justice and concern
for others, the Christian family places itself at the service of the human
person and the world, bringing about real human advancement.9

8
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 52–54.
9
Cf. Ibid., 63, 64; LG, 36.
 40

Pastoral Care of the Family

79. General Principles on the Pastoral Care of the Family

The purpose of pastoral care is to help couples in their growth toward the
model of a family that the Creator intended from the beginning and that
Christ has renewed with his redeeming grace. It is accomplished through
a constant work of formation. This is a matter of fundamental significance,
because the future of the world and the Church passes through the
family.

79a) Stages of Pastoral Care

The Church’s Magisterium establishes the stages of pastoral care. This
constant work of catechesis begins with the preparation for marriage,
continues in its celebration, and later throughout the whole life of the
spouses. Marriage preparation has to be seen and put into practice as a
gradual and continuous process. The process includes three main stages:
i) Remote preparation begins in infancy and must show that marriage is
a true vocation and mission, without excluding the possibility of the
total gift of self to God in the vocation to celibacy for the Kingdom of
God, to the priestly or religious life.
ii) Proximate preparation is directed to a more specific preparation for the
sacraments, as it were, a rediscovery of them.
iii) Immediate preparation is aimed at discovering the richness of marriage.
It must always be set forth and put into practice, but omitting it is not
an impediment to the celebration of marriage.
iv) The catechesis ought to be developed also in the celebration of marriage,
inasmuch as this is an expression of the essentially ecclesial and
sacramental nature of the conjugal covenant between the baptized, in
such a way that it nourishes the dispositions of those who are getting
married and, particularly, their faith.
458 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

v) Catechesis ought to accompany the spouses after the marriage, by helping

them discover and live their new vocation and mission, so that they
learn to accept their children and love them as a gift received from
the Lord of life and joyfully help them in their human and Christian
growth.
One should not fall into rash judgment by judging the lack of faith of
those who wish to contract marriage, in such a way that the celebration
would be unjustly delayed. A delay would be justified only if they show
that they explicitly and formally reject what the Church intends to do when
the marriage of baptized persons is celebrated.1

79b) Structures of Family Pastoral Care

Familiaris Consortio emphasizes the need to reach a deeper grasp of the
truth, in such a way that the catechesis leads to a formation of consciences.
Otherwise, the truth becomes a subjective feeling and does not become a
source of life. Consciences must be correctly formed according to Christian
values and not according to the standards of public opinion. The structures
for the pastoral care of the family are:
• the ecclesial community (in particular, the parish),
• the family itself,
• associations of families.

80. Pastoral Care of the Family in Difficult Cases

A generous and intelligent pastoral commitment is required to help
all those who find themselves—whether of their own fault or not—in
difficult situations. The deepest causes of these situations should be studied
and specific measures should be applied for each case. Such difficult
circumstances, for example, are:
• the families of migrant workers,
• the families of those who are obliged to be away for long periods of
times, such as members of the armed forces, sailors, and all kinds
of itinerant people,
• the families of those in prison, refugees, and exiles,
• families in big cities living, practically speaking, as outcasts,
• families with no home,
• incomplete or single-parent families,
• families with children that are handicapped or addicted to drugs,
• families of alcoholics.
In cases of mixed marriages, attention must be paid to the obligations that faith
imposes on the Catholic spouse with regard to the free exercise of the faith
and the consequent obligation to ensure, as far as is possible, the baptism

1
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 66–69; R. García de Haro, Marriage and the
Family in the Documents of the Magisterium, 376.
PASTORAL CARE OF THE FAMILY 459

and upbringing of children in the Catholic faith. The Catholic spouse should
be strengthened in faith and positively helped to mature in understanding
and practicing the faith.2

81. Pastoral Action in Certain Irregular Situations

There are irregular situations that entail a falsification of love.

81a) Trial Marriages

Human reason leads one to see that trial marriages are unacceptable
by showing the unconvincing nature of carrying out an “experiment” with
human beings, whose dignity demands that they should be always and
solely the object of a self-giving love without limitations of time or of any
other circumstance.

81b) “Free” Unions

“Free” unions (or live-in partnerships) are unions without any publicly
recognized institutional bond, either civil or religious. “Free” unions
provoke grave religious and moral consequences (the loss of the religious
sense of marriage seen in the light of the covenant of God with his people,
deprivation of the grace of the sacrament, grave scandal), as well as social
consequences (the destruction of the concept of the family, the weakening
of the sense of fidelity, possible psychological damage to the children, the
strengthening of selfishness).
The Church reaches out to couples in these sad situations, advising
pastors to make tactful and respectful contact with them, enlighten them
patiently, correct them charitably, and show them the witness of the
Christian family life in order to smooth the path for them to regularize
their situation.3

81c) Separated or Divorced Persons Who Have Not Remarried

Various reasons can unfortunately lead to the often irreparable
breakdown of valid marriages. These include mutual lack of understanding
and the inability to enter into interpersonal relationships. Obviously,
separation must be considered as a last resort, after all other reasonable
attempts at reconciliation have proved unsuccessful.
Loneliness and other difficulties are often the lot of separated spouses,
especially when they are the innocent parties. The ecclesial community
must support such people more than ever. It must give them much respect,
solidarity, understanding, and practical help, so that they can preserve their
fidelity even in their difficult situation. It must also help them to cultivate
the need to forgive, which is inherent in Christian love, and to be ready,

2
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 77, 78.
3
Cf. Ibid., 80, 81.
460 O MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY

perhaps, to return to their former married life.

The situation is similar for people who have undergone civil divorce,
but, being well aware that the valid marriage bond is indissoluble, refrain
from becoming involved in a new union and devote themselves solely
to carrying out their family duties and the responsibilities of Christian
life. Here, it is even more necessary for the Church to offer continual
love and assistance without there being an obstacle to admission to the
sacraments.4

81d) Civil Marriages and Divorced Persons Who Have Remarried

The divorced and remarried are and remain members of the Church,
because they have received Baptism and retain their Christian faith. The
Church loves them and suffers because of their situation. The aim of
pastoral action should be to make people who are entangled in civil marriage
understand the need for consistency between their choice of lifestyle and the
faith that they profess. Pastors should try to do everything possible to induce
them to regularize their situation in the light of Christian principles.
Pastors and the whole community of the faithful should help the divorced
so that they do not consider themselves as separated from the Church. They
should be encouraged to listen to the word of God, attend the sacrifice
of the Mass, persevere in prayer, contribute to works of charity and the
community effort for justice, bring up their children in the Christian faith,
and cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by
day, God’s grace. However, so long as the irregularity continues, Catholics
who are involved in civil marriages cannot be admitted to the sacraments.
This holds true not only for those who simply live together outside marriage
but for all irregular unions, e.g., Catholics who have been united only in a
civil ceremony, and divorced Catholics who have remarried.
The Church reaffirms her practice, which is based upon Sacred
Scripture, of not admitting to Eucharistic Communion divorced persons
who have remarried. In truth, they exclude themselves, since they place
themselves in objective contradiction to the union of love between Christ
and the Church. This love is signified and effected by the Eucharist. Besides
this, there is another special pastoral reason: If these people were admitted
to the Eucharist, the faithful would be led into confusion regarding the
Church’s teaching about the indissolubility of marriage.5
For the same reasons, the Church forbids any pastor to perform
ceremonies of any kind for divorced people who remarry. The Church,
naturally, distinguishes carefully the case of those who have not caused
this kind of situation but are rather its victims, while remaining faithful to
their marriage vows. They should be praised for their example of fidelity
and Christian consistency, which takes on particular value as a witness
before the world and the Church.6
4
Cf. Ibid., 83.
5
Cf. CCC, 1650.
6
Cf. John Paul II, Ap. Ex. Familiaris Consortio, 82–84.
PASTORAL CARE OF THE FAMILY 461

81e) Those Without a Family

The Church is a home and family for everyone, especially for those
who are homeless and live in conditions of extreme poverty. There is an
urgent need to work courageously in order to find solutions at the economic,
social, and political levels that will assist them in overcoming their inhuman
conditions of degradation. For all, the Church reaffirms that “the future of
humanity passes by way of the family.”7 And the Church reminds all to
have recourse to the Holy Family of Nazareth, “the prototype and example
for all Christian families.”8

81f) Pastoral Recommendations

Agents of pastoral care should help people who are involved in irregular
situations with genuine love, but without making any compromises, which
would only aggravate their condition. They should make use of:
• the solidarity of the whole community,
• the virtue of mercy respecting, at the same time, the truth of
marriage,
• trust in God’s law and in the Church’s provisions, which lovingly
protect marriage and the family,
• the virtue of hope.

Furthermore, the whole Christian community should support the fidelity

to the Sacrament of Marriage by a constant commitment to:
• providing for the preparation and celebration of the sacrament,
• explaining the value and meaning of conjugal and family love,
• guiding each family member to improve his Christian life,
• encouraging separated or divorced couples to remain faithful to
the duties of their marriage,
• promoting doctrinal formation of pastoral workers,
• praying for those who are experiencing difficulties in their
marriage,
• distributing pastoral guidelines.

Pastors, relatives, and friends should help the couple to overcome these problems.
Everything possible should be done to bring about reconciliation.

Spiritual guidance should be given to lead the couple to conversion. Priority

should be given to the regularization of their situation.

Ibid., 86.
7

8
Ibid.; cf. R. García de Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the
Magisterium, 380.