Paul's Case A Study in Temperament Willa Cather (1906)

It was Paul's aftern n t appear !ef re the fa"ulty f the Pitts!ur#h $i#h S"h l t a"" unt f r his %ari us misdemean rs& $e had !een suspended a wee' a# ( and his father had "alled at the Prin"ipal's ffi"e and " nfessed his perple)ity a! ut his s n& Paul entered the fa"ulty r m sua%e and smilin#& $is "l thes were a trifle ut#r wn( and the tan %el%et n the " llar f his pen %er" at was frayed and w rn* !ut f r all that there was s methin# f the dandy a! ut him( and he w re an pal pin in his neatly 'n tted !la"' f ur+in+hand( and a red "arnati n in his !utt nh le& This latter ad rnment the fa"ulty s meh w felt was n t pr perly si#nifi"ant f the " ntrite spirit !efittin# a ! y under the !an f suspensi n& Paul was tall f r his a#e and %ery thin( with hi#h( "ramped sh ulders and a narr w "hest& $is eyes were remar'a!le f r a "ertain hysteri"al !rillian"y( and he " ntinually used them in a " ns"i us( theatri"al s rt f way( pe"uliarly ffensi%e in a ! y& The pupils were a!n rmally lar#e( as th u#h he were addi"ted t !ellad nna( !ut there was a #lassy #litter a! ut them whi"h that dru# d es n t pr du"e& When ,uesti ned !y the Prin"ipal as t why he was there Paul stated( p litely en u#h( that he wanted t " me !a"' t s"h l& This was a lie( !ut Paul was ,uite a""ust med t lyin#* f und it( indeed( indispensa!le f r %er" min# fri"ti n& $is tea"hers were as'ed t state their respe"ti%e "har#es a#ainst him( whi"h they did with su"h a ran" r and a##rie%edness as e%in"ed that this was n t a usual "ase& -is rder and impertinen"e were am n# the ffenses named( yet ea"h f his instru"t rs felt that it was s"ar"ely p ssi!le t put int w rds the real "ause f the tr u!le( whi"h lay in a s rt f hysteri"ally defiant manner f the ! y's* in the " ntempt whi"h they all 'new he felt f r them( and whi"h he seemin#ly made n t the least eff rt t " n"eal& .n"e( when he had !een ma'in# a syn psis f a para#raph at the !la"'! ard( his /n#lish tea"her had stepped t his side and attempted t #uide his hand& Paul had started !a"' with a shudder and thrust his hands %i lently !ehind him& The ast nished w man " uld s"ar"ely ha%e !een m re hurt and em!arrassed had he stru"' at her& The insult was s in% luntary and definitely pers nal as t !e unf r#etta!le& In ne way and an ther he had made all his tea"hers( men and w men ali'e( " ns"i us f the same feelin# f physi"al a%ersi n& In ne "lass he ha!itually sat with his hand shadin# his eyes* in an ther he always l 'ed ut f the wind w durin# the re"itati n* in an ther he made a runnin# " mmentary n the le"ture( with hum r us intenti n& $is tea"hers felt this aftern n that his wh le attitude was sym! li0ed !y his shru# and his flippantly red "arnati n fl wer( and they fell up n him with ut mer"y( his /n#lish tea"her leadin# the pa"'& $e st d thr u#h it smilin#( his pale lips parted %er his white teeth& ($is lips were " ntinually twit"hin#( and !e had a ha!it f raisin# his eye!r ws that was " ntemptu us and irritatin# t the last de#ree&) .lder ! ys than Paul had !r 'en d wn and shed tears under that !aptism f fire( !ut his set smile did n t n"e desert him( and his nly si#n f dis" mf rt was the ner% us trem!lin# f the fin#ers that t yed with the !utt ns f his %er" at( and an ""asi nal 1er'in# f the ther hand that held his hat& Paul was always smilin#( always #lan"in# a! ut him( seemin# t feel that pe ple mi#ht !e wat"hin# him and tryin# t dete"t s methin#& This " ns"i us e)pressi n( sin"e it was as far as p ssi!le fr m ! yish mirthfulness( was usually attri!uted t ins len"e r 2smartness&2 As the in,uisiti n pr "eeded ne f his instru"t rs repeated an impertinent remar' f the ! y's( and the Prin"ipal as'ed him whether he th u#ht that a " urte us spee"h t ha%e made a w man& Paul shru##ed his sh ulders sli#htly and his eye!r ws twit"hed& 2I d n't 'n w(2 he replied& 2I didn't mean t re#ardless&2 !e p lite r imp lite( either& I #uess it's a s rt f way I ha%e f sayin# thin#s

The Prin"ipal( wh was a sympatheti" man( as'ed him whether he didn't thin' that a way it w uld !e well t #et rid f& Paul #rinned and said he #uessed s & When he was t ld that he " uld # he ! wed #ra"efully and went ut& $is ! w was !ut a repetiti n f the s"andal us red "arnati n& $is tea"hers were in despair( and his drawin# master % i"ed the feelin# f them all when he de"lared there was s methin# a! ut the ! y whi"h n ne f them underst d& $e added3 2I d n't really !elie%e that smile f his " mes alt #ether fr m ins len"e* there's s methin# s rt f haunted a! ut it& The ! y is n t str n#( f r ne thin#& I happen t 'n w that he was ! rn in C l rad ( nly a few m nths !ef re his m ther died ut there f a l n# illness& There is s methin# wr n# a! ut the fell w&2 The drawin# master had " me t reali0e that( in l 'in# at Paul( ne saw nly his white teeth and the f r"ed animati n f his eyes& .ne warm aftern n the ! y had # ne t sleep at his drawin# ! ard( and his master had n ted with ama0ement what a white( !lue+%eined fa"e it was* drawn and wrin'led li'e an ld man's a! ut the eyes( the lips twit"hin# e%en in his sleep( and stiff with a ner% us tensi n that drew them !a"' fr m his teeth& $is tea"hers left the !uildin# dissatisfied and unhappy* humiliated t ha%e felt s %indi"ti%e t ward a mere ! y( t ha%e uttered this feelin# in "uttin# terms( and t ha%e set ea"h ther n( as it were( in the #rues me #ame f intemperate repr a"h& S me f them remem!ered ha%in# seen a misera!le street "at set at !ay !y a rin# f t rment rs& As f r Paul( he ran d wn the hill whistlin# the 2S ldiers' Ch rus2 fr m Faust( l 'in# wildly !ehind him n w and then t see whether s me f his tea"hers were n t there t writhe under his li#htheartedness& As it was n w late in the aftern n and Paul was n duty that e%enin# as usher at Carne#ie $all( he de"ided that he w uld n t # h me t supper& When he

rea"hed the " n"ert hall the d rs were n t yet pen and( as it was "hilly utside( he de"ided t # up int the pi"ture #allery++always deserted at this h ur++where there were s me f 4affelli's #ay studies f Paris streets and an airy !lue 5enetian s"ene r tw that always e)hilarated him& $e was deli#hted t find n ne in the #allery !ut the ld #uard( wh sat in ne " rner( a newspaper n his 'nee( a !la"' pat"h %er ne eye and the ther "l sed& Paul p ssessed himself f the pla"e and wal'ed " nfidently up and d wn( whistlin# under his !reath& After a while he sat d wn !ef re a !lue 4i" and l st himself& When he !eth u#ht him t l ' at his wat"h( it was after se%en '"l "'( and he r se with a start and ran d wnstairs( ma'in# a fa"e at Au#ustus( peerin# ut fr m the "ast r m( and an e%il #esture at the 5enus f 6il as he passed her n the stairway& When Paul rea"hed the ushers' dressin# r m half a d 0en ! ys were there already( and he !e#an e)"itedly t tum!le int his unif rm& It was ne f the few that at all appr a"hed fittin#( and Paul th u#ht it %ery !e" min#+ th u#h he 'new that the ti#ht( strai#ht " at a""entuated his narr w "hest( a! ut whi"h he was e)"eedin#ly sensiti%e& $e was always " nsidera!ly e)"ited while !e dressed( twan#in# all %er t the tunin# f the strin#s and the preliminary fl urishes f the h rns in the musi" r m* !ut t ni#ht he seemed ,uite !eside himself( and he teased and pla#ued the ! ys until( tellin# him that he was "ra0y( they put him d wn n the fl r and sat n him& S mewhat "almed !y his suppressi n( Paul dashed ut t the fr nt f the h use t seat the early " mers& $e was a m del usher* #ra"i us and smilin# he ran up and d wn the aisles* n thin# was t mu"h tr u!le f r him* he "arried messa#es and !r u#ht pr #rams as th u#h it were his #reatest pleasure in life( and all the pe ple in his se"ti n th u#ht him a "harmin# ! y( feelin# that he remem!ered and admired them& As the h use filled( he #rew m re and m re %i%a"i us and animated( and the " l r "ame t his "hee's and lips& It was %ery mu"h as th u#h this were a #reat re"epti n and Paul were the h st& 7ust as the musi"ians "ame ut t ta'e their pla"es( his /n#lish tea"her arri%ed with "he"'s f r the seats whi"h a pr minent manufa"turer had ta'en f r the seas n& She !etrayed s me em!arrassment when she handed Paul the ti"'ets( and a hauteur whi"h su!se,uently made her feel %ery f lish& Paul was startled f r a m ment( and had the feelin# f wantin# t put her ut* what !usiness had she here am n# all these fine pe ple and #ay " l rs8 $e l 'ed her %er and de"ided that she was n t appr priately dressed and must !e a f l t sit d wnstairs in su"h t #s& The ti"'ets had pr !a!ly !een sent her ut f 'indness( he refle"ted as he put d wn a seat f r her( and she had a! ut as mu"h ri#ht t sit there as he had& When the symph ny !e#an Paul san' int ne f the rear seats with a l n# si#h f relief( and l st himself as he had d ne !ef re the 4i" & It was n t that symph nies( as su"h( meant anythin# in parti"ular t Paul( !ut the first si#h f the instruments seemed t free s me hilari us and p tent spirit within him* s methin# that stru##led there li'e the #enie in the ! ttle f und !y the Ara! fisherman& $e felt a sudden 0est f life* the li#hts dan"ed !ef re his eyes and the " n"ert hall !la0ed int unima#ina!le splend r& When the s pran s l ist "ame n Paul f r# t e%en the nastiness f his tea"her9s !ein# there and #a%e himself up t the pe"uliar stimulus su"h pers na#es always had f r him& The s l ist "han"ed t !e a :erman w man( !y n means in her first y uth( and the m ther f many "hildren* !ut she w re an ela! rate # wn and a tiara( and a! %e all she had that indefina!le air f a"hie%ement( that w rld+shine up n her( whi"h( in Paul's eyes( made her a %erita!le ,ueen f 4 man"e& After a " n"ert was %er Paul was always irrita!le and wret"hed until he # t t sleep( and t ni#ht he was e%en m re than usually restless& $e had the feelin# f n t !ein# a!le t let d wn( f its !ein# imp ssi!le t #i%e up this deli"i us e)"itement whi"h was the nly thin# that " uld !e "alled li%in# at all& -urin# the last num!er he withdrew and( after hastily "han#in# his "l thes in the dressin# r m( slipped ut t the side d r where the s pran 9s "arria#e st d& $ere he !e#an pa"in# rapidly up and d wn the wal'( waitin# t see her " me ut& .%er y nder( the S"henley( in its %a"ant stret"h( l med !i# and s,uare thr u#h the fine rain( the wind ws f its twel%e st ries #l win# li'e th se f a li#hted "ard! ard h use under a Christmas tree& All the a"t rs and sin#ers f the !etter "lass stayed there when they were in the "ity( and a num!er f the !i# manufa"turers f the pla"e li%ed there in the winter& Paul had ften hun# a! ut the h tel( wat"hin# the pe ple # in and ut( l n#in# t enter and lea%e s"h lmasters and dull "are !ehind him f re%er& At last the sin#er "ame ut( a"" mpanied !y the " ndu"t r( wh helped her int her "arria#e and "l sed the d r with a " rdial auf wiedersehen whi"h set Paul t w nderin# whether she were n t an ld sweetheart f his& Paul f ll wed the "arria#e %er t the h tel( wal'in# s rapidly as n t t !e far fr m the entran"e when the sin#er ali#hted( and disappeared !ehind the swin#in# #lass d rs that were pened !y a ;e#r in a tall hat and a l n# " at& In the m ment that the d r was a1ar it seemed t Paul that he( t ( entered& $e seemed t feel himself # after her up the steps( int the warm( li#hted !uildin#( int an e) ti"( tr pi"al w rld f shiny( #listenin# surfa"es and !as'in# ease& $e refle"ted up n the mysteri us dishes that were !r u#ht int the dinin# r m( the #reen ! ttles in !u"'ets f i"e( as he had seen them in the supper party pi"tures f the Sunday World supplement& A ,ui"' #ust f wind !r u#ht the rain d wn with sudden %ehemen"e( and Paul was startled t find that he was still utside in the slush f the #ra%el dri%eway* that his ! ts were lettin# in the water and his s"anty %er" at was "lin#in# wet a! ut him* that the li#hts in fr nt f the " n"ert hall were ut and that the rain was dri%in# in sheets !etween him and the ran#e #l w f the wind ws a! %e him& There it was( what he wanted++tan#i!ly !ef re him( li'e the fairy w rld f a Christmas pant mime++!ut m "'in# spirits st d #uard at the d rs( and( as the rain !eat in his fa"e( Paul w ndered whether he were destined always t shi%er in the !la"' ni#ht utside( l 'in# up at it& $e turned and wal'ed relu"tantly t ward the "ar tra"'s& The end had t " me s metime* his father in his ni#ht"l thes at the t p f the stairs( e)planati ns that did n t e)plain( hastily impr %ised fi"ti ns that were f re%er trippin# him up( his upstairs r m and its h rri!le yell w wallpaper( the "rea'in# !ureau with the #reasy plush " llar! )( and %er his painted w den !ed the pi"tures f :e r#e Washin#t n and 7 hn Cal%in( and the framed m tt ( 2<eed my =am!s(2 whi"h had !een w r'ed in red w rsted !y his m ther& $alf an h ur later Paul ali#hted fr m his "ar and went sl wly d wn ne f the side streets ff the main th r u#hfare& It was a hi#hly respe"ta!le street( where all the h uses were e)a"tly ali'e( and where !usinessmen f m derate means !e# t and reared lar#e families f "hildren( all f wh m went t Sa!!ath s"h l and learned the sh rter "ate"hism( and were interested in arithmeti"* all f wh m were as e)a"tly ali'e as their h mes( and f a pie"e with the m n t ny in whi"h they

li%ed& Paul ne%er went up C rdelia Street with ut a shudder f l athin#& $is h me was ne)t t the h use f the Cum!erland minister& $e appr a"hed it t ni#ht with the ner%eless sense f defeat( the h peless feelin# f sin'in# !a"' f re%er int u#liness and " mm nness that he had always had when he "ame h me& The m ment he turned int C rdelia Street he felt the waters "l se a! %e his head& After ea"h f these r#ies f li%in# he e)perien"ed all the physi"al depressi n whi"h f ll ws a de!au"h* the l athin# f respe"ta!le !eds( f " mm n f d( f a h use penetrated !y 'it"hen d rs* a shudderin# repulsi n f r the fla% rless( " l rless mass f e%eryday e)isten"e* a m r!id desire f r " l thin#s and s ft li#hts and fresh fl wers&

The nearer he approached the house, the more absolutely unequal Paul felt to the sight of it all: his ugly sleeping chamber; the cold bathroom with the grimy zinc tub, the cracked mirror, the dripping spiggots; his father, at the top of the stairs, his hairy legs sticking out from his nightshirt, his feet thrust into carpet slippers. He was so much later than usual that there would certainly be inquiries and reproaches. Paul stopped short before the door. He felt that he could not be accosted by his father tonight; that he could not toss again on that miserable bed. He would not go in. He would tell his father that he had no carfare and it was raining so hard he had gone home with one of the boys and stayed all night. eanwhile, he was wet and cold. He went around to the back of the house and tried one of the basement windows, found it open, raised it cautiously, and scrambled down the cellar wall to the floor. There he stood, holding his breath, terrified by the noise he had made, but the floor abo!e him was silent, and there was no creak on the stairs. He found a soapbo", and carried it o!er to the soft ring of light that streamed from the furnace door, and sat down. He was horribly afraid of rats, so he did not try to sleep, but sat looking distrustfully at the dark, still terrified lest he might ha!e awakened his father. #n such reactions, after one of the e"periences which made days and nights out of the dreary blanks of the calendar, when his senses were deadened, Paul$s head was always singularly clear. %uppose his father had heard him getting in at the window and had come down and shot him for a burglar& Then, again, suppose his father had come down, pistol in hand, and he had cried out in time to sa!e himself, and his father had been horrified to think how nearly he had killed him& Then, again, suppose a day should come when his father would remember that night, and wish there had been no warning cry to stay his hand& 'ith this last supposition Paul entertained himself until daybreak. The following %unday was fine; the sodden (o!ember chill was broken by the last flash of autumnal summer. #n the morning Paul had to go to church and %abbath school, as always. )n seasonable %unday afternoons the burghers of *ordelia %treet always sat out on their front stoops and talked to their neighbors on the ne"t stoop, or called to those across the street in neighborly fashion. The men usually sat on gay cushions placed upon the steps that led down to the sidewalk, while the women, in their %unday +waists,+ sat in rockers on the cramped porches, pretending to be greatly at their ease. The children played in the streets; there were so many of them that the place resembled the recreation grounds of a kindergarten. The men on the steps,,all in their shirt slee!es, their !ests unbuttoned,,sat with their legs well apart, their stomachs comfortably protruding, and talked of the prices of things, or told anecdotes of the sagacity of their !arious chiefs and o!erlords. They occasionally looked o!er the multitude of squabbling children, listened affectionately to their high,pitched, nasal !oices, smiling to see their own procli!ities reproduced in their offspring, and interspersed their legends of the iron kings with remarks about their sons$ progress at school, their grades in arithmetic, and the amounts they had sa!ed in their toy banks. )n this last %unday of (o!ember Paul sat all the afternoon on the lowest step of his stoop, staring into the street, while his sisters, in their rockers, were talking to the minister$s daughters ne"t door about how many shirtwaists they had made in the last week, and bow many waffles someone had eaten at the last church supper. 'hen the weather was warm, and his father was in a particularly -o!ial frame of mind, the girls made lemonade, which was always brought out in a red,glass pitcher, ornamented with forget,me,nots in blue enamel. This the girls thought !ery fine, and the neighbors always -oked about the suspicious color of the pitcher. Today Paul.s father sat on the top step, talking to a young man who shifted a restless baby from knee to knee. He happened to be the young man who was daily held up to Paul as a model, and after whom it was his father$s dearest hope that he would pattern. This young man was of a ruddy comple"ion, with a compressed, red mouth, and faded, nearsighted eyes, o!er which he wore thick spectacles, with gold bows that cur!ed about his ears. He was clerk to one of the magnates of a great steel corporation, and was looked upon in *ordelia %treet as a young man with a future. There was a story that, some fi!e years ago,,he was now barely twenty,si",,he had been a trifle dissipated, but in order to curb his appetites and sa!e the loss of time and strength that a sowing of wild oats might ha!e entailed, he had taken his chief$s ad!ice, oft reiterated to his employees, and at twenty,one had married the first woman whom he could persuade to share his fortunes. %he happened to be an angular schoolmistress, much older than he, who also wore thick glasses, and who had now borne him four children, all nearsighted, like herself. The young man was relating how his chief, now cruising in the editerranean, kept in touch with all the details of the business, arranging his office hours on his yacht -ust as though he were at home, and +knocking off work enough to keep two stenographers busy.+ His father told, in turn, the plan his corporation was considering, of putting in an electric railway plant in *airo. Paul snapped his teeth; he had an awful apprehension that they might spoil it all before he got there. /et he rather liked to hear these legends of the iron kings that were told and retold on %undays and holidays; these stories of palaces in 0enice, yachts on the editerranean, and high play at onte *arlo appealed to his fancy, and he was interested in the triumphs of these cash boys who had become famous, though he had no mind for the cash,boy stage. 1fter supper was o!er and he had helped to dry the dishes, Paul ner!ously asked his father whether he could go to 2eorge$s to get some help in his geometry, and still more ner!ously asked for carfare. This latter request he had to repeat, as his father, on principle, did not like to hear requests for money, whether much or little. He asked Paul whether he could not go to some boy who li!ed nearer, and told him that he ought not to lea!e his schoolwork until %unday; but he ga!e him the dime. He was not a poor man, but he had a worthy ambition to come up in the world. His only reason for allowing Paul to usher was that he thought a boy ought to be earning a little. Paul bounded upstairs, scrubbed the greasy odor of the dishwater from his hands with the ill,smelling soap he hated, and then shook o!er his fingers a few drops of !iolet water from the bottle he kept hidden in his drawer. He left the house with his geometry conspicuously under his arm, and the moment he got out of *ordelia %treet and boarded a downtown car, he shook off the lethargy of two deadening days and began to li!e again. The leading -u!enile of the permanent stock company which played at one of the downtown theaters was an acquaintance of Paul$s, and the boy had been in!ited to drop in at the %unday,night rehearsals whene!er he could. 3or more than a year Paul had spent e!ery a!ailable moment loitering about *harley 4dwards$s dressing room. He had won a place among 4dwards$s following not only because the young

actor, who could not afford to employ a dresser, often found him useful, but because he recognized in Paul something akin to what churchmen term +!ocation.+ #t was at the theater and at *arnegie Hall that Paul really li!ed; the rest was but a sleep and a forgetting. This was Paul.s fairy tale, and it had for him all the allurement of a secret lo!e. The moment he inhaled the gassy, painty, dusty odor behind the scenes, he breathed like a prisoner set free, and felt within him the possibility of doing or saying splendid, brilliant, poetic things. The moment the cracked orchestra beat out the o!erture from Martha , or -erked at the serenade from Rigoletto, all stupid and ugly things slid from him, and his senses were deliciously, yet delicately fired. Perhaps it was because, in Paul.s world, the natural nearly always wore the guise of ugliness, that a certain element of artificiality seemed to him necessary in beauty. Perhaps it was because his e"perience of life elsewhere was so full of %abbath,school picnics, petty economies, wholesome ad!ice as to how to succeed in life, and the inescapable odors of cooking, that he found this e"istence so alluring, these smartly clad men and women so attracti!e, that he was so mo!ed by these starry apple orchards that bloomed perennially under the limelight. #t would be difficult to put it strongly enough how con!incingly the stage entrance of that theater was for Paul the actual portal of 5omance. *ertainly none of the company e!er suspected it, least of all *harley 4dwards. #t was !ery like the old stories that used to float about 6ondon of fabulously rich 7ews, who had subterranean halls there, with palms, and fountains, and soft lamps and richly appareled women who ne!er saw the disenchanting light of 6ondon day. %o, in the midst of that smoke,palled city, enamored of figures and grimy toil, Paul had his secret temple, his wishing carpet, his bit of blue,and,white editerranean shore bathed in perpetual sunshine. %e!eral of Paul.s teachers had a theory that his imagination had been per!erted by garish fiction, but the truth was that he scarcely e!er read at all. The books at home were not such as would either tempt or corrupt a youthful mind, and as for reading the no!els that some of his friends urged upon him,,well, he got what he wanted much more quickly from music; any sort of music, from an orchestra to a barrel organ. He needed only the spark, the indescribable thrill that made his imagination master of his senses, and he could make plots and pictures enough of his own. #t was equally true that he was not stagestruck,not, at any rate, in the usual acceptation of that e"pression. He had no desire to become an actor, any more than he had to become a musician. He felt no necessity to do any of these things; what he wanted was to see, to be in the atmosphere, float on the wa!e of it, to be carried out, blue league after blue league, away from e!erything. 1fter a night behind the scenes Paul found the schoolroom more than e!er repulsi!e; the bare floors and naked walls; the prosy men who ne!er wore frock coats, or !iolets in their buttonholes; the women with their dull gowns, shrill !oices, and pitiful seriousness about prepositions that go!ern the dati!e. He could not bear to ha!e the other pupils think, for a moment, that he took these people seriously; he must con!ey to them that he considered it all tri!ial, and was there only by way of a -est, anyway. He had autographed pictures of all the members of the stock company which he showed his classmates, telling them the most incredible stories of his familiarity with these people, of his acquaintance with the soloists who came to *arnegie Hall, his suppers with them and the flowers he sent them. 'hen these stories lost their effect, and his audience grew listless, he became desperate and would bid all the boys good,by, announcing that he was going to tra!el for a while; going to (aples, to 0enice, to 4gypt. Then, ne"t onday, he would slip back, conscious and ner!ously smiling; his sister was ill, and he should ha!e to defer his !oyage until spring. atters went steadily worse with Paul at school. #n the itch to let his instructors know how heartily he despised them and their homilies, and how thoroughly he was appreciated elsewhere, he mentioned once or twice that he had no time to fool with theorems; adding,,with a twitch of the eyebrows and a touch of that ner!ous bra!ado which so perple"ed them,,that he was helping the people down at the stock company; they were old friends of his. The upshot of the matter was that the Principal went to Paul$s father, and Paul was taken out of school and put to work. The manager at *arnegie Hall was told to get another usher in his stead; the doorkeeper at the theater was warned not to admit him to the house; and *harley 4dwards remorsefully promised the boy$s father not to see him again. The members of the stock company were !astly amused when some of Paul$s stories reached them,,especially the women. They were hardworking women, most of them supporting indigent husbands or brothers, and they laughed rather bitterly at ha!ing stirred the boy to such fer!id and florid in!entions. They agreed with the faculty and with his father that Paul$s was a bad case. The eastbound train was plowing through a 7anuary snowstorm; the dull dawn was beginning to show gray when the engine whistled a mile out of (ewark. Paul started up from the seat where he had lain curled in uneasy slumber, rubbed the breath,misted window glass with his hand, and peered out. The snow was whirling in curling eddies abo!e the white bottom lands, and the drifts lay already deep in the fields and along the fences, while here and there the long dead grass and dried weed stalks protruded black abo!e it. 6ights shone from the scattered houses, and a gang of laborers who stood beside the track wa!ed their lanterns. Paul had slept !ery little, and he felt grimy and uncomfortable. He had made the all,night -ourney in a day coach, partly because he was ashamed, dressed as he was, to go into a Pullman, and partly because he was afraid of being seen there by some Pittsburgh businessman, who might ha!e noticed him in 8enny 9 *arson.s office. 'hen the whistle awoke him, he clutched quickly at his breast pocket, glancing about him with an uncertain smile. :ut the little, clay,bespattered #talians were still sleeping, the slatternly women across the aisle were in open,mouthed obli!ion, and e!en the crumby, crying babies were for the nonce stilled. Paul settled back to struggle with his impatience as best he could. 'hen he arri!ed at the 7ersey *ity station he hurried through his breakfast, manifestly ill at ease and keeping a sharp eye about him. 1fter he reached the Twenty,third %treet station, he consulted a cabman and had himself dri!en to a men.s,furnishings establishment that was -ust opening for the day. He spent upward of two hours there, buying with endless reconsidering and great care. His new street suit he put on in the fitting room; the frock coat and dress clothes he had bundled into the cab with his linen. Then he dro!e to a hatter.s and a shoe house. His ne"t errand was at Tiffany.s, where he selected his sil!er and a new scarf pin. He would not wait to ha!e his sil!er marked, he said. 6astly, he stopped at a trunk shop on :roadway and had his purchases packed into !arious tra!eling bags. #t was a little after one o$clock when he dro!e up to the 'aldorf, and after settling with the cabman, went into the office. He registered from 'ashington; said his mother and father had been abroad, and that he had come down to await the arri!al of their steamer. He told his story plausibly and had no trouble, since he !olunteered to pay for them in ad!ance, in engaging his rooms; a sleeping room, sitting room, and bath. (ot once, but a hundred times, Paul had planned this entry into (ew /ork. He had gone o!er e!ery detail of it with *harley 4dwards, and in his scrapbook at home there were pages of description about (ew /ork hotels, cut from the %unday papers. 'hen he was shown to his

sitting room on the eighth floor he saw at a glance that e!erything was as it should be; there was but one detail in his mental picture that the place did not realize, so he rang for the bellboy and sent him down for flowers. He mo!ed about ner!ously until the boy returned, putting away his new linen and fingering it delightedly as he did so. 'hen the flowers came he put them hastily into water, and then tumbled into a hot bath. Presently he came out of his white bathroom, resplendent in his new silk underwear, and playing with the tassels of his red robe. The snow was whirling so fiercely outside his windows that he could scarcely see across the street, but within the air was deliciously soft and fragrant. He put the !iolets and -onquils on the taboret beside the couch, and threw himself down, with a long sigh, co!ering himself with a 5oman blanket. He was thoroughly tired; he had been in such haste, he had stood up to such a strain, co!ered so much ground in the last twenty,four hours, that he wanted to think how it had all come about. 6ulled by the sound of the wind, the warm air, and the cool fragrance of the flowers, he sank into deep, drowsy retrospection. #t had been wonderfully simple; when they had shut him out of the theater and concert hall, when they had taken away his bone, the whole thing was !irtually determined. The rest was a mere matter of opportunity. The only thing that at all surprised him was his own courage,for he realized well enough that he had always been tormented by fear, a sort of apprehensi!e dread that, of late years, as the meshes of the lies he had told closed about him, had been pulling the muscles of his body tighter and tighter. ;ntil now he could not remember the time when he had not been dreading something. 4!en when he was a little boy it was always there,,behind him, or before, or on either side. There had always been the shadowed corner, the dark place into which he dared not look, but from which something seemed always to be watching him,,and Paul had done things that were not pretty to watch, he knew. :ut now he had a curious sense of relief, as though he had at last thrown down the gauntlet to the thing in the corner. /et it was but a day since he had been sulking in the traces; but yesterday afternoon that he had been sent to the bank with 8enny 9 *arson$s deposit, as usual,,but this time he was instructed to lea!e the book to be balanced. There was abo!e two thousand dollars in checks, and nearly a thousand in the bank notes which he had taken from the book and quietly transferred to his pocket. 1t the bank he had made out a new deposit slip. His ner!es had been steady enough to permit of his returning to the office, where he had finished his work and asked for a full day$s holiday tomorrow, %aturday, gi!ing a perfectly reasonable prete"t. The bankbook, be knew, would not be returned before onday or Tuesday, and his father would be out of town for the ne"t week. 3rom the time he slipped the bank notes into his pocket until he boarded the night train for (ew /ork, he had not known a moment$s hesitation. #t was not the first time Paul had steered through treacherous waters. How astonishingly easy it had all been; here he was, the thing done; and this time there would be no awakening, no figure at the top of the stairs. He watched the snowflakes whirling by his window until he fell asleep. 'hen he awoke, it was three o$clock in the afternoon. He bounded up with a start; half of one of his precious days gone already< He spent more than an hour in dressing, watching e!ery stage of his toilet carefully in the mirror. 4!erything was quite perfect; he was e"actly the kind of boy he had always wanted to be. 'hen he went downstairs Paul took a carriage and dro!e up 3ifth 1!enue toward the Park. The snow had somewhat abated; carriages and tradesmen$s wagons were hurrying soundlessly to and fro in the winter twilight; boys in woolen mufflers were sho!eling off the doorsteps; the a!enue stages made fine spots of color against the white street. Here and there on the corners were stands, with whole flower gardens blooming under glass cases, against the sides of which the snowflakes stuck and melted; !iolets, roses, carnations, lilies of the !alley,, somehow !astly more lo!ely and alluring that they blossomed thus unnaturally in the snow. The Park itself was a wonderful stage winterpiece. 'hen he returned, the pause of the twilight had ceased and the tune of the streets had changed. The snow was falling faster, lights streamed from the hotels that reared their dozen stories fearlessly up into the storm, defying the raging 1tlantic winds. 1 long, black stream of carriages poured down the a!enue, intersected here and there by other streams, tending horizontally. There were a score of cabs about the entrance of his hotel, and his dri!er had to wait. :oys in li!ery were running in and out of the awning stretched across the sidewalk, up and down the red !el!et carpet laid from the door to the street. 1bo!e, about, within it all was the rumble and roar, the hurry and toss of thousands of human beings as hot for pleasure as himself, and on e!ery side of him towered the glaring affirmation of the omnipotence of wealth. The boy set his teeth and drew his shoulders together in a spasm of realization; the plot of all dramas, the te"t of all romances, the ner!e, stuff of all sensations was whirling about him like the snowflakes. He burnt like a faggot in a tempest. 'hen Paul went down to dinner the music of the orchestra came floating up the ele!ator shaft to greet him. His head whirled as he stepped into the thronged corridor, and he sank back into one of the chairs against the wall to get his breath. The lights, the chatter, the perfumes, the bewildering medley of color,,he had, for a moment, the feeling of not being able to stand it. :ut only for a moment; these were his own people, he told himself. He went slowly about the corridors, through the writing rooms, smoking rooms, reception rooms, as though he were e"ploring the chambers of an enchanted palace, built and peopled for him alone. 'hen he reached the dining room he sat down at a table near a window. The flowers, the white linen, the many,colored wineglasses, the gay toilettes of the women, the low popping of corks, the undulating repetitions of the Blue Danube from the orchestra, all flooded Paul$s dream with bewildering radiance. 'hen the roseate tinge of his champagne was added,,that cold, precious, bubbling stuff that creamed and foamed in his glass,,Paul wondered that there were honest men in the world at all. This was what all the world was fighting for, he reflected; this was what all the struggle was about. He doubted the reality of his past. Had he e!er known a place called *ordelia %treet, a place where fagged,looking businessmen got on the early car; mere ri!ets in a machine they seemed to Paul,,,sickening men, with combings of children$s hair always hanging to their coats, and the smell of cooking in their clothes. *ordelia %treet,,1h, that belonged to another time and country; had he not always been thus, had he not sat here night after night, from as far back as he could remember, looking pensi!ely o!er -ust such shimmering te"tures and slowly twirling the stem of a glass like this one between his thumb and middle finger& He rather thought he had. He was not in the least abashed or lonely. He had no especial desire to meet or to know any of these people; all he demanded was the right to look on and con-ecture, to watch the pageant. The mere stage properties were all he contended for. (or was he lonely later in the e!ening, in his lodge at the etropolitan. He was now entirely rid of his ner!ous misgi!ings, of his forced aggressi!eness, of the imperati!e desire to show himself different from his surroundings. He felt now that his surroundings e"plained him. (obody questioned the purple; he had only to wear it passi!ely. He had only to glance down at his attire to reassure himself that here it would be impossible for anyone to humiliate him.

He found it hard to lea!e his beautiful sitting room to go to bed that night, and sat long watching the raging storm from his turret window. 'hen he went to sleep it was with the lights turned on in his bedroom; partly because of his old timidity, and partly so that, if he should wake in the night, there would be no wretched moment of doubt, no horrible suspicion of yellow wallpaper, or of 'ashington and *al!in abo!e his bed. %unday morning the city was practically snowbound. Paul breakfasted late, and in the afternoon he fell in with a wild %an 3rancisco boy, a freshman at /ale, who said he had run down for a +little flyer+ o!er %unday. The young man offered to show Paul the night side of the town, and the two boys went out together after dinner, not returning to the hotel until se!en o$clock the ne"t morning. They had started out in the confiding warmth of a champagne friendship, but their parting in the ele!ator was singularly cool. The freshman pulled himself together to make his train, and Paul went to bed. He awoke at two o$clock in the afternoon, !ery thirsty and dizzy, and rang for icewater, coffee, and the Pittsburgh papers. )n the part of the hotel management, Paul e"cited no suspicion. There was this to be said for him, that he wore his spoils with dignity and in no way made himself conspicuous. 4!en under the glow of his wine he was ne!er boisterous, though he found the stuff like a magician$s wand for wonder,building. His chief greediness lay in his ears and eyes, and his e"cesses were not offensi!e ones. His dearest pleasures were the gray winter twilights in his sitting room; his quiet en-oyment of his flowers, his clothes, his wide di!an, his cigarette, and his sense of power. He could not remember a time when he had felt so at peace with himself. The mere release from the necessity of petty lying, lying e!ery day and e!ery day, restored his self,respect. He had ne!er lied for pleasure, e!en at school; but to be noticed and admired, to assert his difference from other *ordelia %treet boys; and he felt a good deal more manly, more honest, e!en, now that he had no need for boastful pretensions, now that he could, as his actor friends used to say, +dress the part.+ #t was characteristic that remorse did not occur to him. His golden days went by without a shadow, and he made each as perfect as he could. )n the eighth day after his arri!al in (ew /ork he found the whole affair e"ploited in the Pittsburgh papers, e"ploited with a wealth of detail which indicated that local news of a sensational nature was at a low ebb. The firm of 8enny 9 *arson announced that the boy$s father had refunded the full amount of the theft and that they had no intention of prosecuting. The *umberland minister had been inter!iewed, and e"pressed his hope of yet reclaiming the motherless lad, and his %abbath,school teacher declared that she would spare no effort to that end. The rumor had reached Pittsburgh that the boy had been seen in a (ew /ork hotel, and his father had gone 4ast to find him and bring him home. Paul had -ust come in to dress for dinner; he sank into a chair, weak to the knees, and clasped his head in his hands. #t was to be worse than -ail, e!en; the tepid waters of *ordelia %treet were to close o!er him finally and fore!er. The gray monotony stretched before him in hopeless, unrelie!ed years; %abbath school, /oung People$s eeting, the yellow,papered room, the damp dishtowels; it all rushed back upon him with a sickening !i!idness. He had the old feeling that the orchestra had suddenly stopped, the sinking sensation that the play was o!er. The sweat broke out on his face, and he sprang to his feet, looked about him with his white, conscious smile, and winked at himself in the mirror, 'ith something of the old childish belief in miracles with which he had so often gone to class, all his lessons unlearned, Paul dressed and dashed whistling down the corridor to the ele!ator. He had no sooner entered the dining room and caught the measure of the music than his remembrance was lightened by his old elastic power of claiming the moment, mounting with it, and finding it all,sufficient. The glare and glitter about him, the mere scenic accessories had again, and for the last time, their old potency. He would show himself that he was game, he would finish the thing splendidly. He doubted, more than e!er, the e"istence of *ordelia %treet, and for the first time he drank his wine recklessly. 'as he not, after all, one of those fortunate beings born to the purple, was he not still himself and in his own place& He drummed a ner!ous accompaniment to the Pagliacci music and looked about him, telling himself o!er and o!er that it had paid. He reflected drowsily, to the swell of the music and the chill sweetness of his wine, that he might ha!e done it more wisely. He might ha!e caught an outbound steamer and been well out of their clutches before now. :ut the other side of the world had seemed too far away and too uncertain then; he could not ha!e waited for it; his need had been too sharp. #f he had to choose o!er again, he would do the same thing tomorrow. He looked affectionately about the dining room, now gilded with a soft mist. 1h, it had paid indeed< Paul was awakened ne"t morning by a painful throbbing in his head and feet. He had thrown himself across the bed without undressing, and had slept with his shoes on. His limbs and hands were lead hea!y, and his tongue and throat were parched and burnt. There came upon him one of those fateful attacks of clearheadedness that ne!er occurred e"cept when he was physically e"hausted and his ner!es hung loose. He lay still, closed his eyes, and let the tide of things wash o!er him. His father was in (ew /ork; +stopping at some -oint or other,+ he told himself. The memory of successi!e summers on the front stoop fell upon him like a weight of black water. He had not a hundred dollars left; and he knew now, more than e!er, that money was e!erything, the wall that stood between all he loathed and all he wanted. The thing was winding itself up; he had thought of that on his first glorious day in (ew /ork, and had e!en pro!ided a way to snap the thread. #t lay on his dressing table now; he had got it out last night when he came blindly up from dinner, but the shiny metal hurt his eyes, and he disliked the looks of it. He rose and mo!ed about with a painful effort, succumbing now and again to attacks of nausea. #t was the old depression e"aggerated; all the world had become *ordelia %treet. /et somehow he was not afraid of anything, was absolutely calm; perhaps because he had looked into the dark corner at last and knew. #t was bad enough, what he saw there, but somehow not so bad as his long fear of it had been. He saw e!erything clearly now. He had a feeling that he had made the best of it, that he had li!ed the sort of life he was meant to li!e, and for half an hour he sat staring at the re!ol!er. :ut he told himself that was not the way, so he went downstairs and took a cab to the ferry. 'hen Paul arri!ed in (ewark he got off the train and took another cab, directing the dri!er to follow the Pennsyl!ania tracks out of the town. The snow lay hea!y on the roadways and had drifted deep in the open fields. )nly here and there the dead grass or dried weed stalks pro-ected, singularly black, abo!e it. )nce well into the country, Paul dismissed the carriage and walked, floundering along the tracks, his mind a medley of irrele!ant things. He seemed to hold in his brain an actual picture of e!erything he had seen that morning. He remembered e!ery feature of both his dri!ers, of the toothless old woman from whom he had bought the red flowers in his coat, the agent from whom he had got his ticket, and all of his fellow passengers on the ferry. His mind, unable to cope with !ital matters near at hand, worked fe!erishly and deftly at sorting and grouping these images. They made for him a part of the ugliness of the world, of the ache in his head, and the bitter burning on his tongue. He stooped and put a handful of snow into his mouth as he walked, but that, too, seemed hot. 'hen he reached a little hillside, where the tracks ran through a cut some twenty feet below him, he stopped and sat down. The carnations in his coat were drooping with the cold, he noticed, their red glory all o!er. #t occurred to him that all the flowers he had seen in the glass cases that first night must ha!e gone the same way, long before this. #t was only one splendid breath they had, in spite of their

bra!e mockery at the winter outside the glass; and it was a losing game in the end, it seemed, this re!olt against the homilies by which the world is run. Paul took one of the blossoms carefully from his coat and scooped a little hole in the snow, where he co!ered it up. Then he dozed awhile, from his weak condition, seemingly insensible to the cold. The sound of an approaching train awoke him, and he started to his feet, remembering only his resolution, and afraid lest he should be too late. He stood watching the approaching locomoti!e, his teeth chattering, his lips drawn away from them in a frightened smile; once or twice he glanced ner!ously sidewise, as though he were being watched. 'hen the right moment came, he -umped. 1s he fell, the folly of his haste occurred to him with merciless clearness, the !astness of what he had left undone. There flashed through his brain, clearer than e!er before, the blue of 1driatic water, the yellow of 1lgerian sands. He felt something strike his chest, and that his body was being thrown swiftly through the air, on and on, immeasurably far and fast, while his limbs were gently rela"ed. Then, because the picture,making mechanism was crushed, the disturbing !isions flashed into black, and Paul dropped back into the immense design of things.

Paul's Case+ Willa Cather (1906)

4ra uma tarde de Paulo a comparecer perante o corpo docente da 4scola de Pittsburgh alta para e"plicar sua delitos di!ersos. 4le tinha sido suspenso h= uma semana, e seu pai tinha chamado ao escrit>rio do diretor e confessou a sua perple"idade sobre seu filho. Paul entrou na sala de professores e sua!e sorriso. %uas roupas esta!am um pouco superado, eo !eludo tan na gola do seu casaco aberto esta!a desgastado e desgastado, mas para todos que ha!ia algo do dandy sobre ele, e ele usa!a um pino de opala em seu preto amarrado ordenadamente quatro,em m?o, e um cra!o !ermelho na lapela.4ste @ltimo adorno a faculdade de alguma forma se sentiu n?o foi de!idamente significati!a do espArito contrito um menino condizente com a proibiB?o de suspens?o. Paul era alto para sua idade e muito magro, com altura, ombros apertado e um peito estreito. %eus olhos eram not=!eis para um brilho certos histCricos, e ele usou,os continuamente em uma espCcie, consciente teatral de forma, particularmente ofensi!o em um menino. )s alunos eram anormalmente grandes, como se ele fosse !iciado em belladonna, mas ha!ia um brilho !Atreo sobre eles que essa droga n?o produz. Duando questionado pelo diretor a respeito de porque ele esta!a l= Paul declarou, educadamente o suficiente, que ele queria !oltar para a escola. 4sta foi uma mentira, mas Paul esta!a bastante acostumado a mentir; encontrou, de fato, indispens=!el para superar o atrito. %eus professores foram con!idados a declarar seus respecti!os encargos contra ele, o que fizeram com tal rancor e uma aggrie!edness como e!idenciado que este n?o era um caso usual. 8esordem e impertinEncia esta!am entre os delitos chamado, mas cada um de seus instrutores sentiu que era quase impossA!el colocar em pala!ras a !erdadeira causa do problema, que consistia em uma espCcie de maneira histericamente desafiadora do menino; no desprezo que todos sabia que ele sentia por eles, e que ele aparentemente n?o fez o menor esforBo para esconder. ;ma !ez, quando ele tinha !indo a fazer uma sinopse de um par=grafo no quadro,negro, seu professor de #nglEs tinha pisado para o seu lado e tentou guiar a sua m?o. Paul tinha comeBado para tr=s com um estremecimento e meteu as m?os !iolentamente por tr=s dele. 1 mulher surpreendeu dificilmente poderia ter sido mais dor e !ergonha se ti!esse atingido a ela. ) insulto foi t?o in!olunt=ria e, definiti!amente, pessoal, como para ser inesquecA!el. 8e uma maneira e outro que tinha feito todos os seus professores, homens e mulheres, conscientes do mesmo sentimento de a!ers?o fAsica. 4m uma classe que habitualmente se sentou com sua sombra m?o seus olhos, no outro, ele sempre olhou para fora da -anela durante a recitaB?o; em outro ele fez um coment=rio sobre a palestra, com o intuito humorAstico. %eus professores sentiu esta tarde que sua atitude toda era simbolizado por seu dar de ombros e sua flor cra!o flippantly !ermelho, e caAram em cima dele sem piedade, seu professor de #nglEs na lideranBa. 4le ficou com ele sorrindo, seus l=bios p=lidos se separaram mais os dentes brancos. F%eus l=bios esta!am continuamente se contraindo, e ser tinha o h=bito de le!antar as sobrancelhas, que foi insolente e irritante atC o @ltimo grau.G eninos mais !elhos do que Paul tinha enguiBado e derramou l=grimas em que o batismo de fogo, mas seu sorriso n?o definido uma !ez abandon=,lo, e seu @nico sinal de desconforto era o ner!oso tremor dos dedos que brinca!am com os botHes do seu casaco, e um ocasional -erking da outra m?o que segura!a seu chapCu. Paulo esta!a sempre sorrindo, sempre olhando sobre ele, parecendo sentir que as pessoas possam ser obser!=,lo e tentar detectar alguma coisa.4sta e"press?o consciente, -= que era o mais longe possA!el da mirthfulness de menino, era geralmente atribuAda a insolEncia ou +esperteza+. *omo a inquisiB?o passou um de seus instrutores repetiu uma obser!aB?o impertinente do menino, eo diretor perguntou,lhe se ele acha!a que um discurso cortEs ter feito uma mulher. Paul encolheu os ombros ligeiramente e as sobrancelhas se contraAram. +(?o sei+, respondeu ele. +4u n?o queria ser educado ou descortEs, tambCm. 4u acho que C uma espCcie de maneira que eu tenho de dizer as coisas de qualquer maneira.+ ) principal, que era um homem simp=tico, perguntou,lhe se ele n?o pensar que uma forma seria bom para se li!rar. Paul sorriu e disse que ele adi!inhou,lo. Duando lhe foi dito que ele poderia ir, ele se cur!ou graciosamente e saiu.%eu arco, mas foi uma repetiB?o do cra!o !ermelho escandaloso. %eus professores esta!am em desespero, e seu mestre de desenho e"pressou o sentimento de todos quando declarou que ha!ia algo sobre o menino que nenhum deles entendeu. 4le acrescentou: +4u realmente n?o acredito que o sorriso de sua !em completamente de insolEncia, h= uma espCcie de algo assombrado sobre ela ) rapaz n?o C forte, por uma coisa que eu descobri que ele nasceu no *olorado, apenas um.. poucos meses antes de sua m?e morreu l= fora, de uma longa doenBa. H= algo errado sobre o companheiro. + ) mestre de desenho tinha !indo a perceber que, ao olhar para Paul, um s> !iu os dentes brancos ea animaB?o forBada de seus olhos. ;ma tarde quente, o garoto tinha ido dormir na sua prancheta de desenho, e seu mestre notou com espanto que um branco, o rosto azul,!eined era; elaborado e enrugada como um !elho sobre os olhos, os l=bios se contraindo atC mesmo em seu sono , e dura com uma tens?o ner!osa que chamou de !olta de seus dentes. %eus professores dei"aram o prCdio insatisfeito e infeliz, humilhado atC me senti t?o !ingati!o em direB?o a um menino simples, de ter proferido essa sensaB?o em termos de corte, e estabeleceram,se mutuamente sobre, por assim dizer, no -ogo horrA!el de repro!aB?o destemperado. 1lguns deles se lembra!a de ter !isto um gato de rua miser=!el set na baAa por um anel de torturadores. Duanto a Paulo, ele desceu o morro correndo asso!iando o +%oldados *horus+ de 3austo, procurando loucamente atr=s dele agora e, em

seguida, para !er se alguns de seus professores n?o esta!am l= para se contorcem sob sua le!eza. *omo foi agora no final da tarde e Paul esta!a de plant?o naquela noite como porteiro no *arnegie Hall, ele decidiu que n?o iria para casa para -antar. Duando chegou I sala de concertos as portas ainda n?o esta!am abertas e, como era frio l= fora, ele decidiu ir para cima para a galeria de imagem , sempre deserta a essa hora , onde ha!ia alguns dos estudos gays 5affelli de Paris ruas e uma cena azul are-ado 0enetian ou dois que sempre alegre ele. 4le esta!a encantado de encontrar ninguCm na galeria, mas a !elha guarda, que esta!a sentado em um canto, um -ornal em seu -oelho, uma mancha preta sobre um olho eo outro fechado. Paul possuAa,se do local e caminhou com confianBa para cima e para bai"o, assobiando bai"inho. 8epois de um tempo ele se sentou diante de um 5ico azul e perdeu,se. Duando bethought o olhar para seu rel>gio, foi depois de sete horas, e ele le!antou,se com um comeBo e correu escada abai"o, fazendo uma cara de 1ugustus, olhando para fora da sala de elenco, e um gesto mal no 0enus de ilo como ele passou por ela na escada. Duando Paulo chegou ao arrumadores .camarim meia d@zia de meninos esta!am l= -=, e ele comeBou animadamente a cair em seu uniforme. 3oi um dos poucos que em todos os a-uste se apro"imou, e Paulo pensou que muito se tornando,se ele sabia que o casaco, apertado reta acentuada peito estreito, sobre o qual ele foi e"tremamente sensA!el. 4le sempre foi bastante animado, enquanto se !estia, twanging todo para a afinaB?o das cordas e os floreios preliminar dos chifres na sala de m@sica, mas esta noite ele parecia muito fora de si, e ele brincou e atormentado os meninos, atC que, dizendo,lhe que que ele esta!a louco, que o colocou no ch?o e sentou sobre ele. 1calmou um pouco pela sua supress?o, Paul saiu correndo para a frente da casa ao banco do comers cedo. 4le era um usher modelo; graciosa e sorridente correu para cima e para bai"o pelos corredores, nada foi demais para ele; ele carrega!a mensagens e trou"e programas como se fosse o seu maior prazer na !ida, e todo o po!o em sua seB?o pensamento dele um menino encantador, sentindo que ele se lembra!a e os admira!a. *omo a casa cheia, ele cresceu mais e mais !i!az e animado, ea cor !oltou ao seu rosto e l=bios. 3oi muito como se isso fosse uma grande recepB?o e Paulo foram o anfitri?o. 1ssim como os m@sicos saAram para tomar seus lugares, seu professor de #nglEs chegou com cheques para os assentos que um fabricante proeminente tinha le!ado para a temporada. 4la traiu algum embaraBo quando ela entregou os bilhetes Paul, e uma alti!ez que posteriormente a fez se sentir muito tolo. Paul ficou surpreso por um momento, e te!e a sensaB?o de querer coloc=,la fora, o que ela tinha neg>cios aqui, entre todas essas pessoas finas e cores C gay& 4le olhou,a e decidiu que ela n?o esta!a adequadamente !estida e de!e ser um tolo para sentar,se l= embai"o no togs tal. )s bilhetes tinham sido pro!a!elmente mandou para fora da bondade, ele reflete como ele colocou uma cadeira para ela, e ela tinha cerca de tanto direito a sentar,se l= como ele tinha. Duando comeBou a sinfonia Paulo afundou em um dos bancos traseiros com um longo suspiro de alA!io, e perdeu,se como tinha feito antes da 5ico. (?o era que sinfonias, como tal, queria dizer alguma coisa em particular a Paulo, mas o primeiro suspiro dos instrumentos parecia libertar algum espArito di!ertido e potente dentro dele, algo que luta!a h= como o gEnio na garrafa encontrada pelo pescador =rabe. %entiu um repentino entusiasmo da !ida; as luzes danBa!am diante de seus olhos ea sala de concertos resplandeceu no esplendor inimagin=!el. Duando o solista soprano entrou em Paul esqueci mesmo a maldade de seu professor estar l= e se entregou ao estAmulo peculiar personagens como sempre ti!e por ele. ) solista te!e a chance de ser uma mulher alem?, de modo algum em sua primeira -u!entude, ea m?e de muitos filhos, mas ela usa!a um !estido elaborado e uma tiara, e acima de tudo o que tinha que o ar indefinA!el de realizaB?o, que o mundo brilhar,uponela, que, aos olhos de Paulo, fez dela uma !erdadeira rainha do romance. 8epois de um concerto acabou Paul esta!a sempre irritada e miser=!eis atC chegar o sono, e esta noite ele foi atC mais do que geralmente inquietos. 4le tinha o sentimento de n?o ser capaz de dei"ar para bai"o, de seu ser impossA!el dar,se esta e"citaB?o deliciosa que era a @nica coisa que poderia ser chamado de !ida a todos. 8urante o @ltimo n@mero que ele se retirou e, depois de mudar rapidamente suas roupas no !esti=rio, saiu para a porta lateral se o transporte da soprano esta!a. 1qui, ele comeBou a andar rapidamente para cima e para bai"o do pC, esperando para !E,la sair. ais alCm, o %chenley, em seu trecho !ago, assomou grande e quadrada atra!Cs da chu!a fina, as -anelas dos seus doze hist>rias brilhantes como os de uma casa de papel?o iluminado debai"o de uma =r!ore de (atal. Todos os atores e cantores da melhor classe ficou l= quando eles esta!am na cidade, e uma sCrie de grandes fabricantes do lugar !i!eu l= no in!erno. Paulo tinha muitas !ezes pendurado sobre o hotel, olhando as pessoas entram e saem, dese-o de entrar e sair mestres e cuidados maBante atr=s dele para sempre. Por fim, o cantor saiu, acompanhado pelo maestro, que a a-udou em sua carruagem e fechou a porta com um auf 'iedersehen cordial que estabelecem Paulo para se perguntando se ela n?o fosse uma antiga namorada dele. Paulo seguiu o carro atC o hotel, caminhando t?o rapidamente que n?o de!e ser longe da entrada, quando o cantor desceu e desapareceu por tr=s das portas de !idro balanBando que foram abertos por um negro de chapCu alto e um casaco longo. (o momento em que a porta esta!a entreaberta, parecia a Paulo que ele tambCm entrou. 4le parecia sentir,se ir atr=s dela atC as etapas, dentro do prCdio, quente iluminado, em um mundo e">tico, tropical de brilhantes, superfAcies brilhantes e facilidade basking. 4le refletiu sobre os pratos misteriosos que foram trazidos para a sala de -antar, as garrafas !erdes em baldes de gelo, como ele tinha !isto nas fotos do -antar do partido do suplemento undial de domingo. ;ma ra-ada de !ento r=pida trou"e a chu!a para bai"o com !eemEncia s@bita, e Paul ficou surpreso ao descobrir que ele ainda esta!a fora, na lama da calBada de cascalho; que suas botas esta!am dei"ando entrar a =gua e seu casaco era escasso apego molhada sobre ele; que as luzes na frente da sala de concertos esta!am fora e que a chu!a esta!a dirigindo em folhas entre ele eo brilho alaran-ado das -anelas acima dele. 6= esta!a ele, o que ele queria , tangA!el diante dele, como o mundo de fadas de uma pantomima de (atal ,, mas espAritos zombeteiros monta!am guarda nas portas, e, como a batida de chu!a em seu rosto, Paul perguntou se ele esti!essem destinados a arrepio na noite negra fora, olhando para ele. 4le se !irou e caminhou em direB?o relutantemente as fai"as carro. (o final te!e que !ir em algum momento, seu pai em sua roupa de dormir no topo das escadas, as e"plicaBHes que n?o e"plicam, ficBHes apressadamente impro!isados que foram sempre tropeBar,lo, seu quarto no andar de cima e sua wallpaper horrA!el amarelo, o bureau ranger com o gorduroso collarbo" de pel@cia, e sobre sua cama de madeira pintada as fotos de 2eorge 'ashington e 7ohn *al!in, eo lema enquadrado: +1pascenta os meus cordeiros+, que tinha sido trabalhado em l? !ermelha por sua m?e. eia hora depois, Paulo desceu do seu carro e passou lentamente por uma das ruas laterais ao largo da rua principal. 4ra uma rua muito respeit=!el, onde todas as casas eram e"atamente iguais, e onde os empres=rios de meios moderados gerou e criou grandes famAlias de crianBas, tudo de quem foi para a 4scola %abatina e aprendeu o *atecismo enor, e esta!am interessados em aritmCtica; todos quais foram as e"atamente iguais como suas casas, e de uma peBa com a monotonia em que !i!iam. Paulo nunca subiu *ordelia rua sem um estremecimento de repugnJncia. %ua casa era ao lado da casa do ministro *umberland. 4le apro"imou,se esta noite com a sensaB?o desanimada de derrota, o sentimento de desespero de afundar de !olta para sempre na fei@ra e !ulgaridade que ele sempre te!e quando ele chegou em casa. (o momento em que se transformou em *ordelia 5ua sentiu as =guas perto acima de sua cabeBa. 1p>s cada uma dessas orgias de !ida ele !i!eu toda a depress?o da fAsica que segue um deboche, o desprezo de leitos respeit=!el, de alimentos comuns, de uma casa penetrado por odores da cozinha; uma repuls?o tremendo para a massa, sem sabor e incolor da e"istEncia cotidiana, um m>rbido dese-o de coisas legais e luzes sua!es e flores frescas. Duanto mais pr>"imo ele se apro"imou da casa, o mais absolutamente desigual Paul sentiu I !ista de tudo isso: a sua cJmara de dormir feio; a casa de banho frio com a banheira de zinco su-o, o espelho rachado, a spiggots pingando; seu pai, no topo do escadas, com as pernas cabeludas de fora de sua camisola, com os pCs empurrados em chinelos. 4le foi muito mais tarde que o habitual, que certamente ha!eria d@!idas e repro!aBHes. Paul parou diante da porta. 4le sentiu que n?o poderia ser abordado por seu pai esta noite, que ele n?o poderia -ogar de no!o na cama miser=!el. 4le n?o iria dentro 4le iria dizer a seu pai que ele n?o tinha nenhuma tarifa de transporte e esta!a cho!endo t?o forte que ele tinha ido para casa com um dos meninos e ficou a noite toda.

4nquanto isso, ele esta!a molhado e frio. 4le deu a !olta na parte de tr=s da casa e tentou uma das -anelas do por?o, encontrei,a aberta, le!antou,a com cautela, e me"idos pela parede da adega para o ch?o. 6= esta!a ele, prendendo a respiraB?o, apa!orados com o barulho que tinha feito, mas o andar de cima ele ficou em silEncio, e n?o hou!e ranger nas escadas. 4le encontrou um palanque, e le!ou,o para o toque sua!e de luz que transmitido a partir da porta do forno, e se sentou. 4le foi terri!elmente medo de ratos, por isso ele n?o tentou dormir, mas sentou,se olhando com desconfianBa no escuro, ainda aterrorizado para que ele n?o poderia ter despertado seu pai.4m tais reaBHes, depois de uma das e"periEncias que fizeram de dias e noites fora de espaBos em branco triste do calend=rio, quando os seus sentidos foram amortecidos, a cabeBa de Paulo sempre foi singularmente clara. %uponha que seu pai o tinha ou!ido entrar na -anela e tinha descido e atirado nele para um ladr?o& 4nt?o, no!amente, suponha que seu pai tinha !indo para bai"o, de pistola na m?o, e ele tinha clamado a tempo de sal!ar a si mesmo, e seu pai tinha sido horrorizado ao pensar em como ele tinha quase o matou& 4nt?o, no!amente, suponha que um dia de!eria !ir quando seu pai se lembrar daquela noite, e dese-o que n?o hou!e grito de alerta para ficar a m?o& *om esta @ltima suposiB?o Paul entretido,se atC o amanhecer. (o domingo seguinte esta!a bem; o frio no!embro encharcado foi quebrado por @ltimo flash do !er?o outonal. (a parte da manh? Paul tinha que ir I igre-a e da 4scola %abatina, como sempre. (as tardes de domingo seasonable os burgueses de *ordelia rua sempre ficou de fora em sua frente se abai"a e con!ersou com seus !izinhos na !aranda ao lado, ou chamado para os do outro lado da rua em forma de !izinhanBa. )s homens geralmente sentou,se em almofadas gay colocado sobre as etapas que le!aram atC a calBada, enquanto as mulheres, em sua %unday +cinturas+, sentou,se em roqueiros nas !arandas apertado, fingindo ser muito I !ontade. 1s crianBas brinca!am nas ruas, ha!ia muitos deles que o lugar parecia o fundamento de recriaB?o de um -ardim de infJncia. )s homens sobre as etapas , todas em mangas de camisa, o colete desabotoado , sentou,se com as pernas bem separadas, seus estKmagos conforta!elmente salientes, e falou sobre os preBos das coisas, ou anedotas da sagacidade de seus chefes e !=rios senhores . 4les ocasionalmente olhou para a multid?o de crianBas que brigam, carinhosamente ao seu ou!ido agudo, !oz anasalada, sorrindo para !er suas inclinaBHes pr>prias reproduzido em seus descendentes, e intercaladas suas lendas dos reis de ferro com obser!aBHes sobre o progresso de seus filhos na escola, suas notas em aritmCtica, e os montantes que tinham guardado em seus bancos de brinquedo. (este @ltimo domingo de no!embro Paul sab toda a tarde no degrau mais bai"o da sua !aranda, olhando para a rua, enquanto suas irm?s, em seu rockers, foram falar com as filhas do ministro ao lado de quantos shirtwaists tinham feito nos @ltimos semana, arco e alguCm waffles muitos tinham comido na ceia @ltima igre-a. Duando o tempo esta!a quente, e seu pai esta!a em um quadro especial de espArito -o!ial, as meninas fizeram limonada, que sempre foi trazido para fora em um -arro de !idro !ermelho, ornamentado com esquecer,me,nots em esmalte azul. 4ste o pensamento de meninas muito bem, e os !izinhos sempre brincou sobre a cor suspeitos do -arro. Ho-e pai de Paulo esta!a sentado no degrau mais alto, con!ersando com um -o!em que passou um bebE agitado de -oelho a -oelho. 4le passou a ser o -o!em que foi realizada diariamente atC a Paulo como um modelo, e depois de quem foi seu pai querido esperanBa de que ele padr?o. 4ste -o!em era de uma compleiB?o forte, com um comprimido, boca !ermelha e desbotada, olhos mAopes, sobre a qual ele usa!a >culos grossos, com arcos de ouro que se cur!a!am sobre seus ou!idos. 4le era funcion=rio de um dos magnatas de uma empresa de aBo grande, e era !isto em *ordelia %treet como um -o!em com um futuro. Ha!ia uma hist>ria que, h= cinco anos , ele era agora apenas LM , ele foi um pouco dissipada, mas a fim de conter seus apetites e sal!ar a perda de tempo e forBa que uma semeadura de a!eia sel!agem pode ter pro!ocado, ele ha!ia tomado o conselho de seu chefe, muitas !ezes reiterou aos seus empregados, e em LN ha!ia se casado com a primeira mulher a quem ele poderia con!encer a partilhar a sua fortuna. 4la passou a ser uma professora angular, muito mais !elho que ele, que tambCm usa!a >culos de lentes grossas, e que agora tinha lhe dado quatro filhos, todos mAopes, como ela mesma. ) -o!em esta!a relatando como seu chefe, agora de cruzeiro no editerrJneo, mante!e contato com todos os detalhes do neg>cio, arran-ar horas seu escrit>rio em seu iate, assim como se esti!esse em casa, e +batendo fora do trabalho o suficiente para manter dois esten>grafos ocupado. + %eu pai disse, por sua !ez, o plano de sua empresa esta!a considerando, de colocar em uma planta de trem elCtrico no *airo. Paul tirou os dentes, tinha uma terrA!el apreens?o que pode estragar tudo isso antes de chegar l=. (o entanto, ele gosta!a de ou!ir essas lendas dos reis de ferro que eram contadas e recontadas nos domingos e feriados; essas hist>rias de pal=cios de 0eneza, iates no editerrJneo, e -ogar em onte *arlo alta apelou para sua fantasia, e ele esta!a interessado em os triunfos desses meninos em dinheiro que ha!ia se tornado famosa, embora n?o ti!esse nenhuma mente para a etapa de cash,boy. 8epois do -antar tinha acabado e ele tinha a-udado a secar os pratos, Paul ner!osamente perguntou ao pai se ele poderia ir para 2eorge para obter alguma a-uda em sua geometria, e ainda mais ner!osa pediu tarifa de transporte. 4sse pedido @ltimo, ele te!e que repetir, como seu pai, em princApio, n?o gosta!a de ou!ir pedidos de dinheiro, se-a muito ou pouco. 4le perguntou a Paulo se ele n?o poderia ir para algum garoto que !i!ia mais perto, e lhe disse que ele n?o de!eria dei"ar seu trabalho escolar atC domingo, mas ele deu,lhe a moeda de dez centa!os. 4le n?o era um homem pobre, mas ele tinha uma ambiB?o digna de chegar no mundo. %ua @nica raz?o para permitir que Paul foi para inaugurar que ele pensou que um menino de!eria estar ganhando um pouco. Paul limitada no andar de cima, odor a limpo gordurosa do frio das suas m?os com o sab?o mal,cheirosa que ele odia!a, e ent?o balanBou sobre seus dedos algumas gotas de =gua !ioleta da garrafa ele mante!e escondido em sua ga!eta. 4le dei"ou a casa com sua geometria !isA!el debai"o do braBo, e no momento ele saiu de *ordelia %treet e embarcou em um carro da bai"a, ele sacudiu a letargia de dois dias deadening e comeBou a !i!er de no!o. ) lAder -u!enil da sociedade por aBHes permanentes que -ogou em um dos teatros do centro era um conhecido de Paulo, eo menino tinha sido con!idado a cair em no,noite de domingo os ensaios sempre que podia. Por mais de um ano Paul ha!ia passado todos os loitering momento disponA!eis sobre camarim *harley 4dwards. 4le tinha ganho um lugar entre +. 0ocaB?o+ a seguir n?o s> porque o -o!em ator, que n?o podia dar ao lu"o de empregar uma cKmoda, muitas !ezes, encontrou,o @til, mas porque ele reconheceu em Paul algo semelhante ao que churchmen prazo de 4dwards 3oi no teatro e no *arnegie Hall que Paulo realmente !i!eu, o resto era apenas um sono e um esquecimento. 4ste foi conto de fadas de Paul, e ele tinha para ele todos os aliciamento de um amor secreto. (o momento em que ha!ia inalado o gasoso, odor, que cheira I pintura empoeirada nos bastidores, ele respira!a como um con-unto prisioneiro li!re, e sentiu dentro de si a possibilidade de fazer ou dizer esplEndida, brilhante, as coisas poCticas.(o momento em que a orquestra rachado bateu para fora a abertura da artha, ou -erked na serenata de 5igoletto, todas as coisas est@pidas e feio deslizou dele, e seus sentidos esta!am deliciosamente, mas delicadamente demitido. Tal!ez fosse porque, no mundo de Paulo, o natural quase sempre usa!a o disfarce de fei@ra, que um certo elemento de artificialidade lhe pareceu necess=rio a beleza. Tal!ez fosse porque a sua e"periEncia de !ida em outro lugar esta!a t?o cheio de 4scola 8ominical piqueniques, as economias pequenas, conselhos saud=!eis de como ter sucesso na !ida, e os odores da cozinha ine!it=!el, que ele encontrou essa e"istEncia t?o sedutor, estes homens !estidos de forma inteligente e mulheres t?o atraente, que ele ficou t?o como!ido com essas pomares de maB? estrelado que floresceu perenemente sob os holofotes.

%eria difAcil coloc=,la com forBa suficiente como forma con!incente a entrada est=gio de que o teatro era para Paulo, o portal real de 5omance. *ertamente nenhum de a empresa nunca suspeitou que, pelo menos de todos 4dwards *harley. 3oi muito parecido com as hist>rias que antigamente a flutuar sobre 6ondres de fabulosamente ricos -udeus, que tinham salHes subterrJneos l=, com as palmas das m?os, e fontes, e as lJmpadas sua!es e mulheres ricamente appareled que nunca !iu a luz do dia desencantar 6ondres. 4nt?o, no meio daquela cidade fumo palled, enamorado de figuras e trabalho su-o, Paulo tinha seu templo secreto, dese-ando seu tapete, o seu pouco de azul,e,branco costa do editerrJneo C banhado pelo sol perpCtuo. 0=rios dos professores Paul tinha uma teoria de que sua imaginaB?o ha!ia sido per!ertida pela ficB?o berrante, mas a !erdade C que ele quase nunca ler.)s li!ros em casa n?o foram, como seria ou tentar corromper um ou mente -o!em, e como para ler os romances que alguns de seus amigos insistiam em cima dele , bem, ele conseguiu o que queria muito mais rapidamente de m@sica, qualquer tipo de m@sica , a partir de uma orquestra a um reale-o. 4le precisou de apenas acender a, a emoB?o indescritA!el que fez seu mestre imaginaB?o de seus sentidos, e ele poderia fazer enredos e imagens suficientes de sua autoria. 3oi igualmente !erdade que ele n?o esta!a stagestruck n?o, de qualquer modo, na acepB?o usual da e"press?o. 4le n?o tinha dese-o de se tornar um ator, mais do que ele tinha de se tornar um m@sico. 4le n?o sentiu necessidade de fazer qualquer dessas coisas, o que ele queria era !er, para a atmosfera, flutuam sobre a onda de que, a ser realizado, liga azul depois azul campeonato, longe de tudo. 8epois de uma noite atr=s das cenas Paul encontrou a sala de aula mais do que nunca repulsi!a; o ch?o nu e as paredes nuas, os homens prosy que nunca usa!am casacas, ou !ioletas em suas lapelas, as mulheres com seus !estidos sem brilho, !ozes estridentes e seriedade lament=!el sobre preposiBHes que regem o dati!o. 4le n?o podia suportar ter os outros alunos pensem, por um momento, que ele le!ou essas pessoas a sCrio, ele de!e transmitir,lhes que ele considera!a tudo tri!ial, e esta!a l= apenas por meio de uma brincadeira, de qualquer maneira. 4le tinha fotos autografadas de todos os membros da sociedade por aBHes que ele mostrou seus colegas, dizendo, lhes as hist>rias mais incrA!eis de sua familiaridade com essas pessoas, de sua familiaridade com os solistas que !ieram para *arnegie Hall, seus -antares com eles e as flores mandou,os. Duando essas hist>rias perdeu seu efeito, e sua audiEncia cresceu ap=tico, tornou,se desesperada e que lance todos os bons rapazes,by, anunciando que ele esta!a indo !ia-ar por um tempo, !ai para (=poles, a 0eneza, para o 4gito. 4nt?o, pr>"ima segunda,feira, ele iria escorregar para tr=s, sorrindo ner!osamente e consciente; sua irm? esta!a doente, e ele de!e ter que adiar a sua !iagem atC a prima!era. 1ssuntos foram cada !ez piores com Paul na escola. (o itch para dei"ar seus instrutores sabem coraB?o desprezou eles e suas homilias, e qu?o completamente ele foi apreciado em outro lugar, ele mencionou uma ou duas !ezes que ele n?o tinha tempo para brincar com teoremas; acrescentando , com uma contraB?o das sobrancelhas e um toque de ousadia que ner!oso que t?o perple"os deles , que ele esta!a a-udando as pessoas para bai"o, para a sociedade por aBHes, pois eles eram !elhos amigos dele. ) resultado da matCria foi que o principal foi para o pai de Paulo, e Paulo foi retirado da escola e colocados para trabalhar. ) gerente no *arnegie Hall foi dito para conseguir outro usher em seu lugar; o porteiro no teatro foi ad!ertido para n?o admiti,lo para a casa, e *harley 4dwards remorso prometeu o pai do menino n?o !E,lo no!amente. )s membros da sociedade por aBHes foram muito di!ertidos quando algumas das hist>rias de Paulo chegou a elas , especialmente as mulheres. 4las eram mulheres trabalhadoras, a maioria deles apoiando maridos ou irm?os indigentes, e eles riram bastante amargamente por ter agitado o menino para tais in!enBHes fer!orosa e florida. 4les concordaram com a faculdade e com seu pai que Paulo era um caso ruim. ) trem eastbound luta!a contra uma tempestade de ne!e de 7aneiro; o amanhecer maBante esta!a comeBando a mostrar cinza quando o motor assobia!a uma milha de (ewark. Paul comeBou a partir do banco onde ele tinha ficado enrolada em um sono inquieto, esfregou a respiraB?o,misted !idro da -anela com a m?o, e olhou para fora. 1 ne!e esta!a girando em redemoinhos curling acima das terras fundo branco, e os des!ios -= esta!a no fundo do campo e ao longo das cercas, enquanto aqui e ali a grama morto h= muito tempo e secas caules de plantas daninhas pro-eta!a preta acima dela.6uzes brilhou das casas espalhadas, e um grupo de trabalhadores que esta!am ao lado da pista acenou suas lanternas. Paul tinha dormido muito pouco, e ele se sentiu su-o e desconfort=!el. 4le tinha feito a !iagem toda a noite em um Knibus dia, em parte porque ele esta!a en!ergonhado, !estido como esta!a, para ir em um Pullman, e em parte porque ele esta!a com medo de ser !isto l= por algum homem de neg>cios de Pittsburgh, que de!e ter notado ele 8enny 9 escrit>rio em *arson. Duando o apito acordou, ele agarrou rapidamente no bolso do peito, olhando sobre ele com um sorriso incerto. as a pouco, argila salpicadas italianos ainda esta!am dormindo, as mulheres desmazelada outro lado do corredor esta!am no esquecimento de boca aberta, e atC mesmo o crumby, bebEs chorando foram para o nonce calar. Paul recostou,se a lutar com sua impaciEncia o melhor que pKde. Duando chegou na estaB?o de 7ersey *ity se apressou atra!Cs do seu pequeno,almoBo, manifestamente pouco I !ontade e manter um olho afiado sobre ele. 8epois que ele chegou I 0igCsima Terceira estaB?o %treet, ele consultou um cocheiro e tinha,se dirigido a um estabelecimento men.s,mobili=rio que foi apenas a abertura para o dia. 4le passou mais de duas horas l=, comprando com reconsiderando intermin=!eis e muito cuidado. %eu terno no!a rua ele colocou na sala de montagem, o fraque e !estir roupas que ele tinha empacotado dentro da cabine com a sua roupa. 4m seguida, ele dirigiu a uma de chapeleiro e uma casa de sapato. %ua miss?o seguinte foi at Tiffany, onde ele escolheu sua prata e um pino cachecol no!o. 4le n?o iria esperar para ter sua prata marcada, disse ele. Por fim, ele parou em uma lo-a de tronco na :roadway e te!e suas compras embalado em !=rias bolsas de !iagem. 3oi um pouco depois de uma horas, quando ele dirigia atC o 'aldorf, e depois de se instalar com o ta"ista, entrou no escrit>rio. 4le registrou a partir de 'ashington, disse que sua m?e e seu pai tinha sido no estrangeiro, e que ele ha!ia descido para aguardar a chegada de seu na!io. 4le contou sua hist>ria plausA!el e n?o te!e problemas, -= que ele se ofereceu para pagar por eles com antecedEncia, em se enga-ar seus quartos, um quarto de dormir, sala de estar e banheira. (?o uma, mas cem !ezes, Paul tinha plane-ado isso entrada em (ew /ork.4le teria passado sobre cada detalhe do que com *harley 4dwards, e em seu scrapbook em casa ha!ia p=ginas de descriB?o sobre (o!a #orque hotCis, corte de os -ornais de domingo. Duando ele mostrou a sua sala de estar no oita!o andar ele !iu de relance que tudo esta!a como de!eria ser, n?o ha!ia, mas um detalhe em sua imagem mental que o lugar n?o tinha percebido, ent?o ele tocou para o paquete e mandou,o bai"o para as flores. udou,se ner!osamente sobre atC que o menino !oltou, guardando a roupa de no!o e ela fingering encantado como ele fez isso. Duando as flores !eio pK,los rapidamente em =gua, e depois caiu em um banho quente. 1tualmente, ele saiu de sua casa de banho branca, resplandecente em sua cueca de seda no!o, e brincando com as borlas de seu manto !ermelho. 1 ne!e esta!a girando t?o ferozmente fora de sua -anela que ele mal podia !er do outro lado da rua, mas dentro o ar era deliciosamente macia e perfumada. 4le colocou as !ioletas e -onquils no tamborete ao lado do sof=, e se -ogou para bai"o, com um longo suspiro, cobrindo,se com um cobertor romano. 4le era completamente cansado, tinha sido com tanta pressa, ele se le!antou para tal estirpe, coberto tanto terreno nas @ltimas LO horas, que ele queria pensar em como tudo tinha acontecido.