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Love Bombing

The document discusses various behaviors like love bombing, people-pleasing, and over-giving that can be unconsciously manipulative. While initially adaptive responses to trauma, these behaviors seek to control how others perceive the person. When used on new relationships, they allow bypassing the normal time to build trust. The behaviors are grounded more in fantasy than reality, making them forms of unconscious manipulation. However, continued use of such behaviors can become conscious manipulation and potentially harmful once their impacts are understood.

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Celeste Sánchez
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774 views3 pages

Love Bombing

The document discusses various behaviors like love bombing, people-pleasing, and over-giving that can be unconsciously manipulative. While initially adaptive responses to trauma, these behaviors seek to control how others perceive the person. When used on new relationships, they allow bypassing the normal time to build trust. The behaviors are grounded more in fantasy than reality, making them forms of unconscious manipulation. However, continued use of such behaviors can become conscious manipulation and potentially harmful once their impacts are understood.

Uploaded by

Celeste Sánchez
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Love bombing, people-pleasing, over-giving, auditioning and performing are all

unconscious forms of manipulation.


While not always consciously intentional, they're used to seek approval while controlling
someone's impression of us. Some won't like this statement, however, the discomfort with
seeing this as potentially manipulative highlights the curiosity needed to explore the nuances of
why they did it in the past and why they continue, especially in situations where abuse isn't
present yet feel entitled to continue doing it.

For example, people-pleasers, captain save a h*es, sugar mamas who date peter pans, and
men who like damsels in distress give with the tacit expectation of a return on their investment
hence why they're upset when it isn't. They're also upset because they're losing control of the
situation and unable to control their partner's experience of them. It is also indicative of an
unresolved parent wound.

Another example, love bombers who make you think you're in love after 3 days when you're
just the new bright shiny object in their life. Their response to shower you with love, attention
and affection is a hyper-activated attachment response. The moment you want more, they
back off. Some hate that people-pleasing is pathologized until it's their turn and causes them
harm.
Yet when they do it, it is simply an adaptation to trauma, regardless of how it muddies the
dynamics in their relationships.

They chase the high of new love and the potential around it giving them what they want: your
attention and affection. However, because their behavior is largely grounded in fantasy and not
reality, this is what makes it unconscious manipulation.

Love bombers audition, perform and people please in order to bypass the normal time it takes
to build trust. You're literally doing the same thing when you meet someone new and start to
cook, clean, write their resumes and pay their bills within a few days. This is often an
unconscious behavior but very much conscious to skilled manipulators. Yet, they may not even
see their behavior as such.

You might be thinking "but I don't want to manipulate anyone!" I believe you.

Yes, these behaviors are adaptive based on previous trauma, but now that you know their
rationale and impact, continuing to do so makes it a conscious behavior and potentially
harmful.

Remember, healing means facing some really hard truths about not only others, but ourselves
as well. And this is one of them. We're not doing this anymore.

They also hate that it means they need to look into how their own behavior can be potentially
harmful and covertly manipulative.

I often find that we create 2 sets of rules as our abusers did for us. It was ok when they did
harmful things to others, but when we reciprocated, all hell broke loose.

Today, when we do things that are potentially harmful, it's ok and we say "it's just an
adaptation to trauma" but when others do the same, "they're a narcissist who love bombed and
discarded me".
This indeed goes for the narcissist that love bombed and then discarded you AND it also
applies to when you meet someone new and 3 days later you're cooking, cleaning, paying their
bills, writing their resume and doing everything to the extreme in order to make sure they like
you back.

Remember the mask narcs wear? Same thing. But you're likely not a narcissist.

So yes, these behaviors are adaptive because we often do this to get our needs met based on
unresolved trauma, however, they can and are used to manipulate others as well.

Especially when you're no longer in an abusive situation and getting to know someone new yet
using the same behaviors to "lock them down".

You are capable of being loved without twisting someone's impressions of you.

We're not doing this anymore ❤️

Los bombardeos de amor, complacer a la gente, dar en exceso, hacer audiciones y actuar son
formas inconscientes de manipulación.

Si bien no siempre son conscientemente intencionales, se utilizan para buscar aprobación


mientras controlan la impresión que alguien tiene de nosotros. A algunos no les gustará esta
declaración, sin embargo, la incomodidad de ver esto como potencialmente manipulador
resalta la curiosidad necesaria para explorar los matices de por qué lo hicieron en el pasado y
por qué continúan, especialmente en situaciones donde el abuso no está presente, pero aun
así sienten que tienen derecho a seguir haciéndolo.

Por ejemplo, los que complacen a la gente, el capitán ahorra dinero, las “sugar mamas” que
salen con peter pans y los hombres a los que les gustan las damiselas en apuros dan con la
expectativa tácita de un retorno de su inversión, por lo que se enojan cuando no es así.
También están molestos porque están perdiendo el control de la situación y no pueden
controlar la experiencia que su pareja tiene de ellos. Esto también es indicativo de una herida
de los padres no resuelta.

Otro ejemplo, los bombarderos de amor que te hacen pensar que estás enamorado después
de 3 días cuando solo eres el nuevo objeto brillante en su vida. Su respuesta para colmarte de
amor, atención y afecto es una respuesta de apego hiperactivada. En el momento en que
quieres más, retroceden. Algunos odian que complacer a las personas se patologiza hasta
que les toca el turno y les causa daño.

Sin embargo, cuando lo hacen, es simplemente una adaptación al trauma,


independientemente de cómo enturbie la dinámica de sus relaciones.

Persiguen el subidón del nuevo amor y el potencial que lo rodea dándoles lo que quieren: tu
atención y afecto. Sin embargo, debido a que su comportamiento se basa en gran medida en
la fantasía y no en la realidad, esto es lo que lo convierte en una manipulación inconsciente.

Los bombarderos de amor, actúan y complacen a las personas para evitar el tiempo normal
que se necesita para generar confianza. Literalmente estás haciendo lo mismo cuando
conoces a alguien nuevo y comienzas a cocinar, limpiar, escribir sus currículos y pagar sus
facturas en unos pocos días. Este es a menudo un comportamiento inconsciente pero muy
consciente para los manipuladores expertos. Sin embargo, es posible que ni siquiera vean su
comportamiento como tal.

Quizás estés pensando "¡pero yo no quiero manipular a nadie!" Te creo.

Sí, estos comportamientos son adaptativos basados en traumas previos, pero ahora que
conoce su fundamento e impacto, continuar haciéndolo lo convierte en un comportamiento
consciente y potencialmente dañino.

Recuerde, sanar significa enfrentar algunas verdades realmente duras no solo sobre los
demás, sino también sobre nosotros mismos. Y este es uno de ellos. Ya no estamos haciendo
esto.

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