Table of Contents

RELATIONSHIPS SPOUSES & PARTNERS

How Important Is Sex in

a Relationship?
By Sheri Stritof Updated on January 24, 2022

Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD

In a supportive relationship, there are many

bene4ts to having more sex. Higher rates of
sexual activity are linked to positive changes,
such as lower blood pressure, reduced stress,
greater intimacy, and even a lower divorce
rate. [1] While there are no one-size-4ts-all
rules when it comes to an ideal sex frequency,
here's some insight from the latest research.

This article discusses why sex can be important

in a relationship, some of the bene4ts that it
may have, and statistics on how often couples
typically have sex. It also covers challenges you
might face and what you can do if you want to
increase the amount of sex in your
relationship.

Advertisement

Advertisement

Illustration by JR Bee, Verywell

Why Sex Is Important in

Relationships
Sex isn't always necessary, but it can be an
important part of a healthy, ful4lling
relationship. How important it is can vary from
one individual to the next. Some people may
feel that having a sexual connection with their
partner is absolutely vital. Others may feel that
other types of intimacy and connection are
more important.

Some of the reasons that you might feel that

sex is important in a relationship include:

Feeling closer to your partner

Showing aOection to your partner

Finding sex fun and pleasurable

A desire to have children

Feeling con4dent and sexy

Relieving stress

Advertisement

Advertisement

Research suggests that having frequent sex can

play a role in a person's overall well-being.
Having sex often is linked to more aOection.
When couples experience more aOection, they
are also more likely to then have more frequent
sex. [2]

Recap
Sex can be an important part of a
relationship, but having sex less frequently
does not necessarily mean your
relationship is any less satisfying.

Related: The 6 Best Online Marriage

Counseling Programs

Benefits of Sex in
Relationships
Beyond individual bene4ts for you and your
partner, regular sex supports a healthy
relationship in a number of ways. For instance,
the oxytocin released during sex enhances a
sense of bonding and improves emotional
intimacy. [3]

Sex in a monogamous relationship increases

your level of commitment and emotional
connection with the other person. Expressing
love through sex increases the likelihood of
couples staying together. As a result, sex is
positively associated with a lower divorce rate.

Psychological Benefits of Sex

There are many emotional and psychological
bene4ts of making love (sex is strongly linked
to a better quality of life). Some of these
bene4ts include:

Better self-image
self-image: Sex can boost self-
esteem and reduce feelings of insecurity,
leading to more positive perceptions of
ourselves.

Higher rates of happiness

happiness: According
to a 2015 study conducted in China, more
consensual sex and better quality sex
increases happiness. [4]

More bonding
bonding: Brain chemicals are
released during sex, including
endorphins, which decrease irritability
and feelings of depression. Another
hormone, oxytocin (the "hug drug")
increases with nipple stimulation and
other sexual activity. [5] Oxytocin helps
foster a sense of calmness and
contentment.

Stress relief
relief: Chronic stress may
contribute to lower sex frequency.
However, sex can be an eOective stress
management technique. Sex reduces
stress response hormones, like cortisol
and adrenaline (epinephrine), with eOects
lasting well into the next day. [1]

Improved sleep quality

quality: Orgasms
trigger the release of the hormone
prolactin, which aids in sleep. [6]

Physical Benefits of Increased Sex

It's fairly intuitive to understand how sex
improves emotional health, but there are a
number of physical bene4ts from sex as well.
Some of these include:

Better physical 4tness

4tness: Sex is a form of
exercise. According to the American Heart
Association, sexual activity is equivalent
to moderate physical activities, like brisk
walking or climbing two jights of
stairs. [7] The motion of sex can tighten
and tone abdominal and pelvic muscles.
For women, improved muscle tone
improves bladder control.

Enhanced brain function

function: Preliminary
studies on rats found that more frequent
intercourse was correlated with better
cognitive function and the growth of new
brain cells. Similar bene4ts have since
been observed in human studies. A 2018
study of over 6,000 adults linked frequent
sex with better memory performance in
adults ages 50 and older. [8]

Improved immune function

function: Being
more sexually active has positive eOects
on immune function. [9] Regular sex may
even lower your likelihood of getting a
cold or the ju.

Lower pain levels

levels: The endorphins from
sex promote more than just a sense of
well-being and calm. Sex endorphins also
appear to reduce migraine and back pain.

Weight loss
loss: Having sex for 30 minutes
burns an average of 200 calories. [10] The
rewarding brain chemicals released
during sex can subdue food cravings and
support weight loss.

Positive cardiac eOects

eOects: Penile-vaginal
sexual activity (but not masturbation) has
been linked with lower systolic blood
pressure. [11] Elevated blood pressure
increases the risk of heart disease and
stroke. Sexual activity helps dilate blood
vessels, increasing the delivery of oxygen
and nutrients throughout the body while
reducing blood pressure.

Additional physical bene4ts

bene4ts: Being
more sexually active boosts libido and
increases vaginal lubrication. Frequent
intercourse is associated with lighter
menstrual periods and less painful period
cramps. In addition, an improved sense of
smell, healthier teeth, better digestion,
and glowing skin may be related to the
release of the hormone DHEA by the body
after orgasm. [12]

Recap
Sex can have a variety of bene4ts. It can
help support healthy relationships and may
improve overall well-being. It is also
linked to individual bene4ts including
stress relief, improved sleep, increased
immunity, and better cardiac health.

Ideal Frequency for Sex

A 2015 study found that general well-being is
associated with sexual frequency, but only to
an extent. [13] Relationship satisfaction
improved progressively from having no sex up
to having sex once a week but did not improve
further (and actually decreased somewhat)
beyond this point.

One sexual encounter per week is fairly

consistent with the current average. However,
our increasingly busy lives may be getting in
the way of having more sex. Compared to the
frequency of sex in the 1990s, adults in 2010
were having sex nine fewer times per year. [14]

Average Sexual Frequency

Average adult
adult: 54 times per year
(about once per week)

Adults in their 20s

20s: Around 80
times per year

Adults in their 60s

60s: 20 times per
year

Although frequency often decreases with age,

sexual activity in older adults remains
important. In general, older married couples
tend to have sex more often than unmarried
peers within the same age group. [1]

Potential Risks of Having

More Sex
It was once believed that sex increases the risk
of prostate cancer. However, a 2016 study
discovered that men who had more
ejaculations (21 or more per month) were less
likely to develop the disease than men who had
fewer ejaculations (seven or less per month).
Since prostate cancer is the second leading
cause of cancer-related deaths in men, [15] this
eOect worth noting.

For some, sex may increase the chances of a

heart attack. Despite this risk, higher sex
frequency may help. A 2011 study found that
regular sexual activity diminishes heart
attacks. Sex, along with other forms of physical
activity, is protective. But infrequent bursts of
activity put added strain on the heart. [16]
Discuss your sexual activity with your doctor to
evaluate your risks.

Unsafe sex could tip the scale of bene4ts

and risks in the opposite direction. Make
sure you are familiar with safe sex
practices.

Challenges of Regular Sex

There are a variety of factors that can make sex
in relationships more challenging. Age,
hormones, children, stress, medical conditions,
and relationship diaculties can all play a role
in how frequently couples engage in sex.

Age often plays a role in sex frequency, largely

due to declines in sex hormone levels as people
get older. [14]

Humans are wired to crave the intimacy of sex.

Lacking sex can lead individuals in a
relationship to grow distant and, perhaps, look
elsewhere. Working with a licensed couples
therapist can help address this gap and prevent
issues from permeating throughout your
marriage.

Sometimes, maintaining an active sex life is

diacult or impossible due to physical or
psychological conditions. Couples can maintain
a strong, healthy relationship despite these
barriers by looking at non-sexual ways to
improve intimacy.

How to Increase Sex in Your

Relationship
Frequency of sex can, and often does, change
over time. But that doesn't mean sex frequency
has to be an unstoppable downhill slide. If
you're wondering whether it's possible for sex
to be as good as when you 4rst fell in love, the
answer is yes. Sex and intimacy can improve as
your relationship matures. It just may require a
little extra work.

There are a number of ways to spice up

your sex life. Looking at the non-sexual
parts of your relationship can help.

It's often said that the biggest sex organ is the

one between the ears. Having sex more often
without connecting emotionally or increasing
communication isn't likely to produce lasting
improvements in your relationship. Managing
stress is another key factor for a healthy sex
life.

In her book, "The Sex-Starved Marriage:

Boosting Your Marriage Libido, a Couple's
Guide," therapist Michele Weiner-Davis,
MSW, suggests taking a "just do it" approach:

"At 4rst, many were understandably cautious

about my Nike-style approach to their sex life;
the 'Just Do It' advice ran counter to everything
they had believed about how sexual desire
unfolds...I could often see the relief on people's
faces when they learned that their lack of out-
of-the-blue sexual urges didn't necessarily
signify a problem.

"It didn't mean there was something wrong

with them or that something was missing from
their marriages," Weiner-Davis explains. "It
just meant that they experienced desire
diOerently."

If you always wait for your level of desire to

match that of your partner, you may be waiting
a long time. Instead, communicate your needs
and work together to 4nd a happy medium.

Recap
How frequently you have sex may change
over the course of your relationship.
Communicating with your partner can help
strengthen your relationship and improve
sexual satisfaction.

Related: Getting in the Mood for Sex

Summary
Sex can be a bene4cial part of a healthy
relationship. Research suggests that the
average couple in the U.S. has sex about once a
week. The frequency of sex tends to decline
with age, and other factors including stress,
children, and overall health can also aOect a
person's desire for sex. Couples that want to
increase their sex frequency should focus on
communicating their needs and working
together.

A Word From Verywell

Having sex more often (or at least a minimum
of once a week) provides multiple bene4ts for a
loving and supportive relationship. That being
said, growing intimacy is still possible if you
are unable to have sex.

If you are not having sex regularly, ask

yourself why. Sometimes seeing a sex therapist
may be the best way to work through your
relationship and personal issues. Therapy
bene4ts individuals and couples alike.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Why is sex important in a

relationship?

How often do couples have

sex?

What are the health benefits

of having sex?

Is sex necessary in a
relationship?

Read Next: The 5 Best Online Sex Therapy

Programs

Share Flip Email Text

Was this page helpful?

17 Sources

Related Articles

STRESS MANAGEMENT

How to Relieve Stress With Sex

Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD

RELATIONSHIPS

What to Do If Your Partner Is

Uninterested in Sex
Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Stress From Work and Money

Can Damage Your Sex Life
Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD

RELATIONSHIPS

Survey Says: Marital Sex

Statistics How Often Married
People Have Sex Ad

Medically reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW