THE NIGHT MISTRESS

(Series I)

Brought to you by Stories by Nelly Page

CHAPTER 1

I don’t tell sob stories because I don’t

have any. For me this is life, I have
always used what I have to get what I
don’t have. There hasn’t been a time in
my life where I didn’t hustle.
Everything I do is for me, I look out
for me and make myself survive. I
don’t remember having parents, at no
point in my life did I go to school and
went back “home” to my mom. No, I
never had any of that. After the aunt
who took me in as a baby died, a
neighbor became my guardian until I
was 16, from there I was on the streets.
Again, no sob stories, just life as I’ve
always known it.
I came into this industry about 6 years
ago, before Whatsapp bookings. Back
then you had to belong to an agent,
someone who allocated a street corner
for you, handled your finances and
provided a room for business. I didn’t
make a lot of money but I was able to
pay rent and put food on the table.
Now the industry has progressed,
most of us became independent and
ran our businesses privately, we
control everything. There are standard
prices; R150- 1 round, R350- night and
R80 for extra pleasuring activities. It’s
not a safe industry, you have to keep
your eyes and ears open all the times.
It’s better to host than to travel. It’s
only under certain circumstances that I
travel, like today. This client refused
to reveal his identity but deposited
R850, which is more than what I
charge for the night. That convinced
me I wasn't being lured in by a broke
man who will fuck and run. It
happens to a lot of girls. This doesn't
happen a lot, however there are
people who go above and beyond for
our services like this one. I chose the
hotel that I wanted and sent him the
details to make payment. The cab I’m
in was sent by him; he’s quite
generous, I guess money is not a
problem. Whenever you come across
such a client, you just pray that they
become your regular. However most
of the times it’s married men or big
politicians who only request the
service once-off, pay what can keep
your mouth shut and delete your
numbers.

He’s already checked in, I have the

room number. I have a cute lingerie
under this dress, I aim to please. I get
inside the lift, there’s a big-sized
woman, if big-sized isn’t an
understatement, she’s carrying food
and she’s half the size of this lift. We
exchange polite smiles and keep our
eyes on the lift doors.
Oh, she’s also getting off on my floor.
We are going through the same
passage. Just when I think that’s weird
enough, we stop outside the same
room. Was I booked for a threesome
without my knowledge?
“Are you in the right room?” I ask.
“Yeah.” She produces the key and
unlocks the door.
I take out my phone to confirm the
room number again. I’m at the right
place. What the eff is going on here?
“Come in,” she says, pointing her
head in.
I step inside hesitantly. My eyes search
for a man who booked me
anonymously but it looks like it’s just
me and her.
“Sorry, did you…?”
She doesn’t let me finish, “I’m sorry,
you thought I was a man.”
Jehovah!
“I’m a sex worker,” I say what she
obviously knows, I’m just confused.
“I have some food,” she says, putting
down bags and containers of food on
the side desk. She’s big, possibly the
biggest woman I’ve ever seen.
“You booked me?” I’m still trying to
make sense of this.
“Yes,” she sits down on the bed, it
almost sinks down to the floor.
In my 6 years of working in this
industry I have satisfied men’s wildest
fantasies and done quick jobs in the
craziest places, but never have I ever
been booked by a woman, solely to
please her. This could be someone’s
mother, or grandmother at that.
“Is there a problem, Namandla?” she
asks.
I calm down my breaths and shake my
head. I have done a lot of things in the
past, I just need a bottle of dry red
wine and I will be down to please.
“Can I go down to the liquor shop
across the road?” I ask.
“I don’t like how alcohol smells. I have
some double-cheese burgers. My
husband will be here soon, he’s sorry
to keep you waiting,” Now it makes
sense.
“He wants a threesome?” I ask.
“Cuckolding…I will sit here and
watch," she says.
This is some deep mental twisted,
freaky-wild-open couple shit. I fuck
men who have left their wives at home
with kids, men who switch their
phones off or ask me not to breathe if
a call comes in. Never have I had a
client that drags in wife to fuck in
front of her.
Entlek, whose idea was it?
“Ice tea?” she asks.
I snap out of my thoughts and shake
my head. She undresses, holy shit!
Everything just slides down; boobs,
stomach, ass.
She sits on the bed, with a black wash
bag next to her.
I don’t know what to do with myself
until her husband arrives. A mid-
aged, handsome looking man in a suit.
A pastoral position suits him. His
whole posture screams “man of God”.
“Namandla, right?” Yeap, he shakes
my hand. These hands hold the Bible
every Sunday, I swear to God.
We exchange greetings then he goes
over to his wife. They kiss…wet and
loud. I cover my ears in the name of
Jesus.
She pulls out her hand for me. I take
off my dress, leave a lingerie
underneath and walk over. She wants
to squeeze my boobs.
They’re kissing, I’m a third wheel with
her hands pulling my nipples and
tweaking them.
Before I know it, he steps aside. My
face is grabbed by the wife, she sticks
her tongue in my mouth. It doesn’t
feel arousing at all. I don’t like kisses,
let alone kiss leftovers from another
woman.
I feel hands grabbing my waist, then a
hard front rubbing against me. The
wife’s kiss gets tense, she wants to
swallow me.
Her husband saves me; he pulls me
back, turns me around and starts
kissing me.
The wash bag opens behind us. A
vibrating sound begins. This is a porn
room, I wasn’t prepared for anything
like this. However my mind and body
work differently. I hold my values in
my head. Whatever happens on my
body doesn’t affect how I think of
myself. My mind is programmed
independently.
He shows me the condom, we put it
on him together. Then he turns me
around, I hold on to the bed, and he
fucks me.
It’s not sex, it has nothing to do with
my pleasure. It’s all his. His wife
watches with a vibrator on her clit.
She’s aroused by her husband fucking
in front of her. She tells him to go
harder. “Fuck the bitch.” She screams
louder than me when he slams harder.

CHAPTER 2

“It doesn’t matter, I got paid.”

My mind lies to me, I’m in the
bathroom scrubbing my body again.
For the first time I feel dirty. Thoughts
of quitting this industry have never
crossed my mind until now. I can live
a normal life; rent in a township and
get a 9-5 job like other people. I didn’t
go beyond Grade 11 but I know
people with real jobs who didn’t even
set their foot in school.
I rinse my mouth with mouthwash,
for the third time I think. I deserve a
treat; a good meal and a glass of wine.
Maybe my mind will reset.
I have a new bank notification, money
in.
It’s from my cuckolding clients. It’s
R1500 bonus, they had already paid
me. I send a short text to the husband,
thanking him. He replies with a heart
emoji. My chest rolls drums. I have to
dress up and go out for a dinner treat.
Fishaways is just across my street.
I put on my trackpants and tank top,
drag my push-on and walk out. I only
have my phone and bank card. I live
in a safe neighborhood, 50% safer than
a township. I’m renting an apartment,
I have been living here for over two
years. My Zimbabwean neighbor
recently moved out, I get bored out of
my mind when I’m home. I’m not that
much of a social person, sometimes I
can be extremely introverted,
Tawanda understood me. Out of all
male neighbors that I’ve had here, he’s
the only one who never tried taking
his chances with me. Either trying to
get me in bed with him for free or
proposing a relationship thinking I
can be fixed. Men do that, they leave
women who align with their values
and beliefs, and go for a woman living
a life that goes against everything they
stand for, hoping they will change her.
Anything can make me quit selling my
body but a man.

I get a table and put my order. It’s a

week towards Easter weekend,
restaurants are empty, people are
saving up for various trips. For me
holidays are just days like any other
day. I don’t get excited unless I have
clients lined up. I once faked
Christmas, cooked seven colours and
bought the famous biscuits “Choice
Assorted” and a small Christmas tree.
It held no weight, I got bored and
ended up in bed the whole day.
“Can I sit with you?” a deep voice
asks, snatching my attention away
from the fish I’m busy enjoying.
I lift my eyes to the blue uniform, my
face flushes and every joint in my
body trembles.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks, his
body hovering over my table.
The only thing I’m sure that I have in
my hand is my phone. I bump into a
couple of people, get yelled at,
someone knows me and she’s calling
me by my name. I run as fast as I can. I
cross the road, run up to my
apartment, open the door, get inside
and lock it. Then I breathe.
I sit down on the floor, the phone slips
out of my hand, I’m sweaty.
I have been scared of the police for as
long as I can remember. I have gotten
in trouble for it a few times, because
no policeman would just let someone
run from seeing them. They assume
you did something wrong. I have been
searched while crying my eyes out
and trembling, shoved at the back of
the van and forced to confess to crimes
nobody knows of. My last police
encounter ended up with my
apartment being raided, then later I
received a whack apology. It was
about a year ago, I haven’t had any
encounter with police officer until
today.
It will take time for me to go to
Fishaways again. I don’t think I can
stomach any food, I will just go
straight to bed. My body is still
shaking, my fear for the police is not
normal. My heart is still beating
abnormally fast.
.
.
.

I haven’t checked my Whatsapp and

DMs. I’m likely to have people
needing my services. I’m not traveling
today, I’m only hosting. I get up and
start by cleaning and then make
breakfast. Just as I sit down to eat, I
remember that it’s Wednesday and I
have to take out trash.
I better get that done first, then eat and
see how my schedule looks like. I
empty my bins and take out the trash
in a black bag. I’m wearing headsets,
listening to a community radio station.

A hand taps on my shoulder, I hate

this. I turn my head around to a dark-
eyed man with a grin on his face. First
of all, why he’s so tall and broad
shouldered. Secondly, who is he and
why is his hand on my shoulder.
“Do you remember me from
yesterday?” he asks. I know he’s not
here to beat me because of the grin on
his face, otherwise his whole existence
screams beating people. I mean, why
else would someone have muscles
when he’s already hovering over
everyone.
“Not really. Are you sure it’s
yesterday because I only had one
client yesterday and it wasn’t you,” I
ask.
He frowns, “Client? No, we met at
Fishaways. Not really met, you kind of
ran out when you saw me. I still don’t
know how I offended you.”
It’s not there but I see it now. The blue
uniform. I can just see it on him. I step
away, moving backwards. His lips are
moving but I don’t hear a word he
says. Not because I have a hearing
impairment, I have blocked
everything.
He follows me, his giant strides eating
up the distance until I’m back against
my door.
“Pl-ease stay away,” I beg, barely
whispering.
“I’m not going to arrest you, I’m not
on duty,” he says. Now there’s
confusion and desperation in his eyes.
As dark as they are, I can see through
them.
I’m not scared of prison. Nope, I can
be arrested and I won’t flinch, as long
as it’s not by someone wearing a
police uniform.
“Hey, I’m your new neighbor. I
moved in next door, I’m a police
officer but I don’t go around arresting
people.” He jokes and chuckles.
Nothing puts me at ease. I might be
looking for a new apartment to rent
from today, in a new neighborhood
where I won’t be a police officer’s
neighbor.
“I don’t want to see you,” I say.
“Obviously, I can tell. Is it something I
did? Or is there anything you’re not
comfortable with?” Now he’s
suspecting me.
“No, I just get extremely scared when
I see the police,” I say.
“Why?” he asks.
I shake my head, harder than
necessary. I don’t know, I can’t say the
reason, but hopefully he will have a
heart and stay away.
“I picked your bank card yesterday,”
he hands it over. His eyes tensely on
my flushed face.
I grab it and get inside the door, I
don’t know if he heard me thanking
him before slamming the door.
CHAPTER 3

My grievances sound exaggerated

when I talk to Sima and Lerato. I have
known them for years, we talk about
everything, especially concerning the
type of work we do. We are each
other’s therapist, financial advisors
and drinking buddies.
“But where will you go?” Sima asks,
rolling a joint by the window.
“I don’t know, I will go anywhere
there’s no police neighbor,” I say.
Lerato tosses a packet of chips to me.
“At some point you have to face this
phobia of yours, it’s not normal.”
As if I don’t know that already.
Nothing about getting panic attacks at
the sight of the police is normal.
“I have fucked police offers, they are
nothing but a bunch of horny-
corrupted fat cows. I have never had
any that fucks good,” she says.
Sima laughs, “My type of clients. I
don’t want someone who’s going to
hump on me for hours like I’m his
wife.”
This reminds me of my night client,
he’s married. Married men use the
chance to do every style they wouldn’t
dare try on their wives.
“Dollar is coming,” I tell them. He’s
been my regular for over a year now.
“Wasn’t he here last week?” Lerato
asks.
“He was, I guess the wife isn’t serving
the velvet cake too well because he
went home Monday.” We laugh about
it.
Dollar is approaching his 50s. He’s a
well-mannered, gentle man who just
likes having his butthole licked and
fingered.

Sima and Lerato leave as the sun sets

down. I walk them out, Lerato’s man
is picking them up. Ngcebo is a
sweetheart, he waves at me before
driving off. Not every man would
understand that their partners make
income through laying on their backs
for different men. But here is Ngcebo,
a different breed, he even handles her
social media.

I don’t bother cooking because I know

Dollar will come with food. He
doesn’t treat me like a sperm basket,
he does everything with a good heart.
After my last clients, I need him to
take that picture off my mind.
.
.
.
He comes with a KFC bucket and
fruits. This is why sometimes I give
him discounts. On top of his
generosity, he’s friendly.
“Namandla, I need a favor,” he says.
I’m just unpacking, can’t it wait? Can’t
he sit down first?
“What favor boss?” I ask.
“I have someone with me,” he says.
“You know I charge double for a
threesome, right?” I will gladly fuck
both of them the whole night, as long
as they make it worth my time and
WOT.
“It’s not that, I came with my son, he
had nowhere to go,” he says.
“Your son?” I’m confused, his children
are grown and they have a mother.
“He’s three years old, his mother
passed away last year and the aunt
he’s been living with returned to
Swatini.”
Fuckin’ hold the clock!
“So you have a 3 year old son? Does
your wife know about him?” He’s
literally a heartbeat away from 50,
how can he be making babies?
“She doesn’t know yet, that’s why I
came with him here,” he says.
I don’t even know what to say. If I was
in such a mess I wouldn’t be horny.
My apartment only has one bedroom.
Where is the child going to sleep?

He comes back from the car with the

boy. Poor thing, he’s so cute. He looks
nothing like his Mark Hendry dad
here.
“Hello, what’s your name?” I hold his
little hand. To be honest, I don’t like
kids very much. To me they’re just
entitled, little people with zero sense
of responsibility.
“Lungelo,” he says.
For his age he speaks very well.
“Okay Baby Luh, I’m aunty
Namandla,” I say and try to pull my
hand away. But he holds it.
See, entitlement! I lift him up.
“You’re so heavy, what do you eat?”
“Chips,” he says.
“Oh, wow! I have to start eating chips
too, so that I can be big as you.”
He giggles. Dollar releases a deep sigh
of relief.

Now the thing is, Dollar came with

this child here, I can’t provide any
service in front of the child. I’m dirty,
but I wouldn’t go that low.
Our arrangement is that he sleeps on
the couch, then Baby Luh and I sleep
in bed.
We do so peacefully. Baby Luh is a
very happy child, he’s happy to be
with his dad and watch cartoons.
As usual, in the morning Dollar
doesn’t disappoint, he pays my usual
fee for the night.
I help Luh take a bath and put him
fresh clothes.
“Namandla, can we talk for a
second?” Dollar asks, I have finished
packing Baby Luh’s toiletries.
I step aside and give him an ear. He’s
beyond stressed, his red eyes are a
sign of restlessness.
“I have to go home and figure out how
I introduce Lungelo to my wife,” he
says.
“Good luck,” I say.
“I’m going to need it.” He sighs
heavily.
“Can you look after Lungelo for me,
just for a day or two? It will be worse
if I just show up with him.”
Men are strange form of human
beings. He had three years to come
clean to his wife. Moreover when Baby
Luh’s mother died, that was his
chance. Yes, the wife would’ve been
mad but not so much. Because let’s be
honest, babies aren’t a problem,
babymamas are.
“You know I work from home most of
the times,” I say.
“I will compensate, I have no where to
go, you know my situation, everyone
I’m close with is also close with my
wife.”
He’s my regular client, one of the best
at that. Two days won’t hurt my
business, he’s also going to
compensate for my time.
“Okay, but you need to make sure that
you leave money for grocery, enough
clothes and more money just in case
there’s an emergency.”
“That’s nothing, thank you so much
best friend.” He hugs me.
I hope I don’t regret this. Luh is a
toddler, from what I’ve heard online
this is the teenagehood of babies-
chaotic as fuck.
.
.
.
We do shopping together, all three of
us. I’m sure people think he’s my
sugardaddy and this is the
sugarbabby we created together.
Dollar is originally from
KwaMaphumulo, that’s where his
family leaves. He’s here in Durban
driving trucks and fucking, not just
prostitutes but Swatini mamas as well.
RIP.
We make a stop at McDonald’s to get
something to eat. While Baby Luh is
busy playing I get a chance to ask.
“Were you dating his mother or it was
a situation like my own?”
“I think we dated,” he says.
“You think, Dollar?” Men never cease
to amaze me.
“Yeah, we did, a little bit,” he says.
“Why didn’t you take Luh home right
after she died?” I know his wife
would’ve welcomed him by now, he’d
be happy with his siblings.
“My wife is crazy, I was scared,” he
says.
“As crazy as she is, you still cheat on
her.” It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s
like a regular groovist telling you how
strict her parents are. If your parents
were so strict you wouldn’t be
grooving. Same as Dollar, if his wife
was crazy he wouldn’t even know my
name.
“You don’t understand, it’s not simple
as you think,” he says.
“Okay, let’s say she refuses to accept
Luh, what will you do?” I ask.
He shrugs, “I don’t know.”
“Good luck ngempela, yeer!”
.
.
.

CHAPTER 4

I didn’t expect him to cry when his

father leaves, I thought we get along.
But he’s only three years old. Luckily,
I have goodies to distract him with
until he forgets.
He ends up dozing off on the couch. I
put a fleece blanket over him and call
Lerato. They have to know I’ve
upgraded from Dollar’s night mistress
to a nanny.
“What do you know about babies
Namandla?”
“I’m asking myself the very same
question, surprisingly I’m just forging
through,” I say.
“But why do men even cheat?” She’s
forgotten that cheating men are the
reason why we put food on the table.
“I just hope the wife won’t be too hard
because this man drives long distance
logistic trucks. How will he raise a
child by himself?”
“He will have to take isthembu and
become a polygamist,” she says.
Dollar is not struggling financially, he
only has two kids beside Luh, hence
he can afford whores like me
regularly. But I don’t think he is
financial stable enough to take more
than one wife.
“Forget about Dollar, where is the
yummy police officer?” she asks.
I’m confused. “Is it me who said he’s
yummy?”
I don’t remember.
She laughs, “I just figured he is.”
“I haven’t seen him.” I think he’s a
very considerate neighbor for limiting
himself. His presence is a trigger to
me.
“Next time you see him don’t run,”
she says.
“Do you think I have control over it?”
I lose my sanity and my breath, I
won’t even risk it.
“Just once, see what’s going to
happen.” She doesn’t understand, she
never will.
“I don’t have time for all that. He
needs to stay away from me and that’s
it,” I say.
She’s laughing, that’s how lightly she
takes this situation. There’s another
call coming, it’s Dollar.
“I will call you back, there is a client I
need you to take care of for me, let me
answer Dollar.”
She drops from her side, I answer
Dollar.
“Hey, is he okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, he fell asleep on the couch.”
“I’m about to pass the first tollgate,
thank you so much for this. Words are
not even enough to express my
gratitude,” he says.
“No problem, I know you would do
me a favor too if I needed one. Just
buy something nice for wifey
KwaDukuza, get her soft before
breaking the news.”
He chuckles, “That’s a good idea, I
will do so.”
“Okay, call me when you are home so
that Baby Luh can hear your voice,” I
say.
“No problem, keep well.” He drops
the call.
I have to cook, I’m sure Luh will wake
up hungry.
.
.
.

It was yesterday when Dollar called

me, he said he was passing the first
tollgate and promised to call me once
he got home. He never did. Luckily
Luh has been understanding, I just tell
him his father is gone to get him an
aeroplane. I figured he’s very fond of
aeroplanes, he was hyping them on
TV.
I’m cleaning outside my door, he’s
playing. I don’t know how other
women do this, being a full time mom.
I can’t wake up everyday and cook for
a little human that spills all over the
floor and needs me to flush the toilet
after him. I think two days will be
enough. This is a confirmation I
needed, I will never have children.
Once Lerato or Sima have them, I will
be an aunt and that’s enough.

I turn my head, I swear I only had my

eyes away for a minute, yep 60
seconds. Baby Luh is gone. I watch the
news everyday, my anxiety shoots up
and I run around yelling his name.
He’s not inside my apartment, now I
have to ask around or go out to the
street. It’s both relief and anxiety that I
feel when I see him on a man’s
shoulder coming from the parking lot.
It’s the police neighbor in his full
uniform. Only God knows why Luh
decided to follow him. I don’t even
know that man’s name.

“Oh, you’re his aunt,” he says with a

smile.
I’m frozen, I can’t move.
He puts Baby Luh down.
“A car, there!” he points at the parking
lot.
“He was following me, I apologize,”
says the police neighbor. “I’m just here
to grab lunch and return to work.”
He pokes Baby Luh’s tummy, making
him giggle, and then leaves. Slowly
my body relaxes. Luh is jumping on
my leg wanting us to go inside as if he
didn’t give me a 5 minute depression
just now.

I can’t go anywhere with a toddler.

I’m indoors until Dollar calls me. I
don’t want to call him because I don’t
know how close his crazy wife is. But
at this point he’s leaving me no choice.
I hide my caller ID and call. His phone
doesn’t go through at all. Wtf! We had
a deal, the least he could do is check
how his son slept. He’s making me
regret this. I might never do him a
favor again.
Now I’m pissed, Luh wants to have a
conversation.
“Is my dad coming?” he asks.
Sigh!
“Yes, Luh,” I say.
“Aunt lies,” he says.
“He told me he is on his way.” I’m
turning into a liar because of Dollar.
“But dad went up,” he says pointing
at the ceiling.
I don’t understand every word in the
toddler dictionary so I let him be.
I’m canceling clients because of Dollar.
The R2 000 he left me won’t make up
for the money I’m losing. I don’t even
want to tell Lerato about it because she
thought this wasn’t a good idea from
the start.
CHAPTER 5

It’s day three, which feels like five

months when you have a toddler
asking you for juice and food, then
demanding his dad before getting in
bed.
It’s midday, he’s napping. My mind is
hardly functioning at this point. I had
some wine, I look for it and go sit
outside, drinking straight from the
bottle. Why the hell would Dollar
complicate my life like this? He knows
how I make a living, I thought he
respected that.

I see the red Polo driving in. It’s my

police neighbor, I have to go. I seal my
bottle and get up with my chair.
I steal a glance at him, he’s in casual
wear. He waves his hand, I disappear
immediately. This is weird as fuck.
I sit in my kitchen and finish my wine.
It’s only a matter of time before my
breathing robot wakes up and
demands me to do everything for him.
I feel like a single mom. Not just single
by choice, but a mom whose
babydaddy went to buy bread and
never came back.

There’s a knock on my door. Please

Dollar, let that be you surprising us. I
fix my shirt dress and open.
No!
I thought he got the fuckin’ point.
He blocks the door with his foot, it
doesn’t close. I don’t care that he’s not
in his uninform, he has no business
being at my door knowing what he
does to me.
“Please,” he says, he’s carrying a box
of cookies.
My chest is rolling drums. But I
swallow back and fold my trembling
hands.
“What do you want?” I ask, my voice
shaking.
“I understand you don’t like me
because of my profession, but I’m not
going to harm you. I’m your
neighbor,” he says.
“It doesn’t matter, I’m scared.” I can’t
shake off the picture of him in his
work uniform no matter how hard I
try.
“My name is Mhlengikhaya, I’m not a
crazy cop, I swear. Can I give this to
your nephew?”
I need to count from one to three, then
breathe.
“He’s taking a nap but thank you,
Mhlengi---?”
“Khaya, you can just say that, my
name is a bit long,” he says.
“Thank you, Mhlengikhaya,” I take
the biscuits.
He doesn’t leave. Does he want an
invite?
I hope not.
“I don’t know anyone around,” he
says.
Count to three again and take another
deep breath.
“Me neither, but I know you now.” I
flash a fake, nervous smile.
“And you are?” he asks.
“My bad, I’m Namandla Mthiyane,” I
say.
“Happy to finally have a conversation.
Would you be okay shaking my
hand?”
My heart starts beating fast again. I’m
scared but I pull out my hand. He
holds it firmly and shakes it.
Not too bad.
He smiles, “See, I don’t bite. Did your
brother come home?”
“My brother?” I’m confused.
“Lungelo’s dad,” he says.
“Oh, he’s just someone I know, not a
brother. And no, he didn’t come back.
I haven’t heard from him in two days,
that’s why I’m drinking.”
His pupils dilate, he’s amused.
When did the fear go? I’m sure he’s
asking himself the same now that I’m
telling him my drinking problems.
“Maybe you should call other people
he’s with. It could be that his battery
died.”
“No, I don’t think so.” I feel strange
about this whole thing. I know Dollar
enough, he wouldn’t just abandon his
son and never check up on him
purposely.
“When was the last time you spoke to
him?”
“It was Saturday around 3pm, he said
he was about to pass the first tollgate-
Tongaat.”
“Was he driving or using taxis?” he
asks.
“Driving a white Nissan van,” I say.
“Mmmm.” He takes out his phone and
scrolls through it. He’s zooming in a
picture.
“There was an accident on R74
towards Blythedale Beach. I don’t
know if you will recognize any of the
vehicles that were involved.” He gives
me his phone.
It’s heavy and I’m shaking.
The picture is zoomed, I see its
registration before the whole body
that is squashed at the side of the road.
“Unfortunately two people died.
Don’t you watch 1KZN news?” he
asks.
“No, I watch national news. This is his
car.” What the hell is God putting me
through? If this happened on Saturday
that means he never made it home,
this happened after he talked to me.
“Do you know the deceased age and
gender?”
“A man about 48 years old who was
driving a van and a 21 year old girl
that was in a taxi,” he says.
“Fuck, no!” I close the door, I don’t
want Luh to wake up and see me
going crazy.
“I’m so sorry,” he holds me, not
knowing what to do.
I have my mouth covered so that I
don’t scream. Dollar can’t give in to
death and leave me with a child. What
am I going to do with a child?
“They’re probably looking for the
child…his family,” he says.
“They don’t even know about the
child. Oh my god, what am I going to
do?” I need to move around, get some
air and think.
“What do you mean? Is it his child?”
I stop and look at him. I think having a
mountain of new problems helps me
see him beyond the blue uniform.
“I don’t even know Dollar’s real name.
This child’s mother was from Swatini,
I don’t know who she was, she’s late.
He asked me to look after Lungelo
while he goes and informs his wife
about his infidelity.”
“What? So you just took a stranger’s
child in?”
“I was just his night mistress,” I say.
His bats his eyes in disbelief. He’s an
adult, of course he knows these things.
CHAPTER 6

I spent hours at the police station with

Lerato. Mhlengikhaya advised me to
report the matter to the authorities so
that they can help me with Dollar’s
information. Lerato came with me for
emotional support. I was shaking
throughout but I had no other choice.
The sun has set down, I was promised
positive feedback before tomorrow
ends. Luh is to remain with me until
he’s reunited with his father’s family.
“I can’t believe Dollar is gone with his
itching asshole and big dick,” Lerato.
“Seriously?!” I can’t believe she’d joke
about me losing a client.
“Sorry friend. I just hope they won’t
abuse the poor child, you know how
stepmothers are. It would’ve been
better if she had a husband to
confront.”
Just thinking about that as a
possibility breaks my heart. I have
lived with people who were not my
parents, I know how that shit feels
like. Luh is a living tornado but I
wouldn’t want even his hair to be
touched.
Lerato leaves, I have to fetch him from
Mhlengikhaya’s apartment. I just
faced three police officers in uniforms,
I don’t think him alone can still shake
me.

He opens the door with no shoes on,

his apartment looks like a mess. Luh is
leaving his mark everywhere he goes.
“Did he give you any trouble?” I’m
asking the obvious. I’d be lucky if I get
him to babysit for me again.
“Not at all,” he says.
We jump over spoons and shoes lying
on the floor. When Luh sees me he
gets up and runs towards me. I lift
him up, he giggles and wraps his arms
around my neck. I can’t explain the
feeling. It’s magical, I have never felt it
before.
“How is Baby Luh?” I ask.
“He’s fine,” he says.
Sometimes he talks about himself in
third person and it’s the cutest thing
ever.
“Okay, we are going to take a bath
with Baby Luh. Go and get your bag.”
I put him down, he runs off.
“So how did it go?” Mhlengikhaya
asks.
“They promised to contact me
tomorrow, they will help, for now I
just have to look after him,” I say.
“It’s an easy situation to find out who
he really was and get his address. The
real problem would be you going
there with a child, telling them he’s
not yours but another dead sidechick.”
“I wasn’t a sidechick Mhlengimali.” I
don’t want to be mistaken for that.
He frowns, “You said you were his
mistress.”
“Night mistress, I didn’t belong to
him, it’s what I do for a living,” I say.
He didn’t get it yesterday, it seems.
“You are….?”
“A prostitute, yes.” I’m telling him
now because I don’t want him to be
surprised and act harshly towards my
clients. Some can look like criminals.
Oh well, some are actual criminals. I
don’t care how the money comes
about, as long as I get umgeza.
“Why Namandla?” he asks.
I’m not sure how to answer this.
“Out of everything you could’ve done,
why such thing? In the world like
this.”
“It’s just what I do for a living,” I say
and see disappointment flashing in his
eyes. He probably has a family, he
comes from somewhere and he’s got
parents to make proud. I know he can
never relate.
Luh comes with his bag, not even
properly zipped. I take it from him
and hold his hand.
“Say goodbye to malume,” I say.
He waves his hand, “Bye mlume.”
I don’t know what I’m going to tell
him if he happens to ask me about his
dad again. I can’t tell a child that his
only parent is no more. But then again,
I’m not a good liar.
It hasn’t really sunk in. A client died
and left me with a child? I have
imagined every game-ending scenario
but nothing like this. WTF!

I make him noodles, it’s the last

packet. But they’re just a treat, he likes
solid food more.
As if he knows my fear, he doesn’t ask
about his dad.
“Are we going to the beach?”
“The beach?” Where is this coming
from?
“Yes, with big water.” He measures
the size with his arms. I don’t think
even a pool can be the size of his arms
but I get the point.
“Soon,” I say.
“Is soon tomorrow?”
“No, it’s a day after tomorrow.”
“Yes, dati dati!” he claps his hands.
I don’t know what is dati dati but I can
guess it goes with gratitude.
“Mwa-mwa?” he asks, pushing his
lips.
I kiss them, he gives me a big smile.
I don’t have a lot of moments that
matter to me. I hardly want to live any
moment, this is one of the special
moments in my life that I wish can last
forever. His acceptance of me is
something I admire. He adores me
without questioning my past and
presence.
Lerato’s words lingers in my mind. I
know I’d go to war if the wife hurts
Baby Luh. Dollar wronged her, this
boy is innocent. He deserves
everything good that this world can
give.

CHAPTER 7

I got a call from the police station, they

had found Dollar’s family and told
them about the situation he left
behind. Mdumiseni Jele, I wouldn’t
have guessed his real name. I just
went with Dollar, he said he used to
play football, that’s where he got the
nickname.
Tomorrow Lerato and Sima are
accompanying me to
KwaMaphumulo. Luh will be meeting
his family for the first time and
finding out about his father’s death. I
wish I can say I’m ready but,
phewww.

I see Mhlengikhaya’s car pulling up. I

don’t move from my window. He lifts
his eyes and sees me. I wave my hand
down, he waves up and signals that
he’s coming up.
Last time we spoke I was telling him
that I’m a prostitute and he was
feeling like I could do better,
according to his values and principles
of life. I don’t really care about how
I’m perceived, I know who I am and I
need no one’s approval to be myself.
It doesn’t take long before he knocks
outside my door in his gym wear.
“You just came home, now you’re
going for a jog?” I ask.
“Wow!” he shakes his head.
“What? Are you not going for a jog?”
“No, this is the only clean thing I have
right now,” he says.
I laugh, “Why didn’t you do laundry?
I saw that you were off the last two
days.”
“Honestly I have no excuse,
benginqena nje. And I didn’t have any
good-hearted neighbor to ask.”
“Never!” We both laugh.
I invite him inside my apartment for
the first time. Luh is in the bedroom
unpacking and scattering everything
around.
“There’s maintenance guy in the
bedroom, don’t mind the noise,” I say.
He chuckles, “I can hear, he’s busy.”
Well, now that I have time. Lerato
wasn’t wrong with her assumption.
He is kind of cute, you just to
understand melanin handsomeness
and his dark eyes.
“Tomorrow we are going to
KwaMaphumulo, we have the
cousin’s number who will fetch us
from town,” I say.
“And how do you feel?” he asks.
“Scared, not just for myself but mostly
for Baby Luh. It’s going to be a bunch
of strangers and a woman who’s
angry at her dad for making him exist.
He’s probably going to be confused
when I leave him there.”
“He’s a sweet boy, they will fall in
love with him, just like you did.
You’re too good with him.”
“Really?” I wouldn’t think I’d nail the
nanny role in one week.
“Yes, you are going to be a great mom
one day to your kids,” he says.
“Thank you but that’s not a possibility
for me. I just want to live my life and
die peacefully.”
“Doesn’t your mom want grandkids?”
he asks.
It’s an innocent question, he doesn’t
know my story. It’s just that my
mother’s subject is not something I
like talking about because I hate being
sympathized with.
“I don’t have parents,” I tell him.
“I’m sorry to hear that. My own mom
too is late, my father remarried,” he
says.
“That’s nice,” I don’t know what else
to say.
“Are you originally from Durban? Did
you grow up here?” he asks.
Again, I don’t like talking about my
background. It sounds like a sob story.
“I grew up in different places.
Originally I’m from Mashoba but I
don’t remember much about my life
there. I lost my parents very young, I
was barely a year old. I grew up in the
neighboring village with an aunt who
took me in. After she died I moved to
Richard’s Bay. After I finished Grade
11 I moved out of that home and
began the hustle. I’ve been to many
places after that and this is where I
ended up.”
“Wow, that’s quite a story. It sounds
like your childhood wasn’t the
kindest,” he says.
“Other kids had it worse, I’m not
complaining,” I say.
“You are a strong, kind person. Maybe
that’s why Luh had to spend this week
with you, experiencing some genuine
love before facing his new reality.”
I nod with a lump in my throat. I don’t
want his reality to be harsh, I want it
to be kind.
“So your parents both died around the
same time?” he asks.
“Together, from the little knowledge
that I have,” I say.
“Were they killed by the police?”
I look at him confused. Where is this
coming from?
“Judging from how triggered you
were that day, I thought maybe it’s
because of that.”
“I don’t know how they died.” This
has me thinking. Nobody actually told
me how my parents died, I was too
young for such information. I left my
birth village before I was even two
years old. From there I lost contact
with everyone from the village, I grew
up with people who hardly knew me.

Luh finally got tired of fixing my

bedroom and comes out, demanding
juice and sitting on my lap. My mind
is not here, I can’t help but think of
what Mhlengikhaya just said. Could it
be that my triggers come from the
death of my parents? I was 11 months
old when they died, too little to
understand guns and death. But it
would make sense, wouldn’t?
In my adult life as I know it, I have no
police traumas. Maybe I have to go
back to my past.
I have to look for my roots; where I
come from and if I have any relatives
who knew my parents.

CHAPTER 8

I told Luh that we are going to see his

father’s family, in his mind he thought
we are coming to see his father. The
cousin who fetched us from town to
help with directions didn’t even play
with him.
I already had a picture about this
family. Their welcome was cold. After
sitting for about an hour, a girl comes
in and serves us water. Tap water.
“Where are the elders?” I ask, Luh is
becoming restless. I didn’t buy him
any food because I thought he was
coming to his family.
“They’re coming,” she says and
leaves.
I hear Sima’s heavy sigh. We are
sitting ass flat on the grass mats. We
can’t complain in front of the child
but, wow.
Maybe they think I’m Luh’s mom and
lying out of shame.
Finally, there are people comi7ng in.
Three old women and one grey-hair
uncle. I understand they’re mourning
but they could’ve at least embraced
Luh.
Greetings are exchanged. We tried to
look presentable; long skirts and chest-
covering blouses.
“We got a call from the police,” says
the uncle. He wants us to retell the
story.
I start from the beginning where
Dollar came and asked me to babysit
for him. I don’t explain the nature of
my relationship with him.
“But this boy looks nothing like us,”
says one woman.
I wish I could’ve covered Luh’s ears.
“What do you mean?” I’m confused.
“These ears don’t belong to us. All Jele
kids have small ears and they don’t
have bright skin,” she says.
“Well, Dollar said he’s his son.” I
don’t care about the ears. He’s been
Dollar’s son for three years.
“Uthini wena MaZwide?” she asks the
other woman.
The other one wants Luh to take his
shoes off, then she inspects his toes.
My ears are burning, that’s how mad I
am about this.
“Ay lutho!” she says, shaking her
head.
“You can’t just look at him and
assume that he’s not Dollar’s son,”
Lerato says.
“He is not, that’s why we know
nothing about him. His father is not a
Jele, you have to look for him.” They
have no sympathy for the child.
I take him and put him on my lap. I
doubt he understands anything to the
depths but he can feel their negative
energy.
“There’s only one solution; DNA test,”
Sima says. She looks at me, “What do
you say?”
I shrug. If I open my mouth I will cry.
Luh doesn’t deserve any of this.
“Would you be open to that as a
family?”
They don’t give an answer right away.
They ask for a moment to discuss it
with the wife who’s on the mattress.
We run out of water before the other
woman comes back and exchanges
numbers with me. Dollar’s eldest child
will come to Durban after the funeral
then tests will be conducted. I’m
responsible for the charges, they don’t
care where I’m going to live with Luh,
he’s not their problem.
.
.
.
I haven’t cried in a long time, but
today I need an hour in the bathroom.
Sima stays behind and looks after Luh
while I gather my emotions privately.
I couldn’t explain to Luh why his
father wasn’t there and why those
people undressed him and addressed
him in the way they did.
I know I’m not fit to take care of a
child. This week alone has been hard, I
haven’t been able to make any money.
I have bills to pay at the end of the
month.
We started at the police station to
report what happened, again I was
advised to take care of Luh while his
relatives are being searched. Now
they’re searching for his maternal
relatives using his late mother’s
information on the birth certificate. If
his mother was someone like me,
alone and without family, then I’m
doomed.

I can’t hide myself forever, I

moisturize my face and walk out. I
find him asleep on the couch and kiss
his forehead. I have been in his
situation, I know child abandonment.
Sima is in the kitchen cooking. Unlike
me, Sima has a good background,
she’s in the industry because she likes
fast cash, not because she had no other
means. She went to private schools
and dropped out of college,
disappointed her former principal
father and mother who owns multiple
businesses. Whenever life doesn’t pull
up, she calls home and they send her
money. So all in all, Sima doesn’t
know struggle like Lerato and I. That’s
why she’s making eggs, sausages and
fries at the same time, like she’s in a
restaurant.
“Friend, I’m starving,” she says,
pouring mayonnaise over her egg.
Cheese too?
“Aybo girl, are you finishing my
grocery?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes, “Chill!”
“I can’t chill, I have a mouth to feed
until God knows when.” I’m stressed,
I can’t starve a child, but also I can’t
work and leave him alone. Hosting is
not an option, I can’t bring men here
while there’s a child.
“I don’t think they’re going to find
anyone from the mother’s side. It
would’ve been better if they had a
picture to send to King Mswati, then
he would’ve sent his servants to look
for the family.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” I
laugh. It’s a country, not a village
where a king knows every family.
“What if they’re right though?”
I raise my eyebrow, “About what?”
“His paternity. To be honest, he looks
nothing like Dollar. His family is also
dark and fat. Luh almost looks mixed
race.”
“No, he’s fully black.” I comb his hair
every evening and my comb almost
breaks. He’s not mixed, he just have a
bright skin.
“I’m saying they could be right. If they
are then you will be forced to give him
to social workers so that he can be
placed in the orphanage or foster
home.”
I don’t want to put that in my head.
Foster homes are kak.
“I don’t think Dollar would’ve been
that stupid, he said Luh was his son.” I
know I have to start thinking broadly
but I can’t. That’s not the reality I want
to be in, mentally.

CHAPTER 9
I’m almost through my savings, I just
paid for Luh’s DNA test with Dollar’s
eldest son. They don’t look the same,
not even close. But the God who
changed water into wine is a God of
miracle. I have high hopes, I would be
happy if Luh lives with his father’s
family than strangers, even though I
saw how cold that family is.
The boy takes a taxi, he lives in
KwaMashu. I take Luh to Debonnairs,
I have to explain to him what’s
happening. He’s only 3, he won’t
understand but it’s the right thing to
do.
I wait until he has the pizza in front of
him. He always makes a mess with
drinks, he will have it when he’s done
eating.
“Is it good?” I ask.
He nods with a huge bite in his
mouth.
“Okay, I want us to talk about daddy.”
“Is daddy coming to eat pizza with
us?” he asks.
Oh Lord, how does people do this?
This needs an elder, someone who
knows how to handle a grieving child.
“Daddy went to heaven. Do you know
where heaven is?”
“Up,” he points.
It’s also what I think, heaven is above
the sky. When there’s rain, it’s God
opening a tap.
“Yes, that’s where daddy went,” I say.
“Are we also going to heaven?” God
forbid.
How can I unhear this?
“We are in no hurry, baby,” I say.
“Then how am I going to see him?”
He stops eating. It looks like he’s
about to cry.
“When you’re sleeping, daddy will
visit you in your dreams,” I say.
“Mmmm, okay.” He eats fast.
I help him drink his juice then clean
him mouth with a towel.
“I want to sleep so that I can see
daddy.”
Oh, God!
.
.
.

He’s asleep when I get off the taxi. I

pray he will wake up not
remembering the dream thing I
promised him. I should’ve came up
with something different.
I put him in bed and get myself a
drink in the kitchen.

Knock?
I’m not expecting anyone today. I hide
the drink and open.
Oh, it’s just Mhlengikhaya.
“Hey, long time,” he says.
“Hi,” I still get nervous around police
officers but Luh’s situation left me
with no choice but to interact with
them occasionally.
“I’m just checking up. Is everything
okay?” he asks.
“Far from okay. But I have my fingers
crossed for the DNA results,” I say.
“Don’t worry, everything will be
okay.”
“Thanks,” I say.
He stands still, staring at me. Did I not
wash my face or something?
“You’re really beautiful,” he says.
I’m relieved. “Thanks for the
compliment.”
“How are you surviving?”
Oh, the compliment was to soften me
up for this question.
“I’m not working at the moment, if
that’s what you want to know.” I don’t
know why I’m getting pissed. He’s not
a social worker, he doesn’t work at the
police station handling my case, so
what’s his problem?
“They’re hiring cashiers and packers
at Spar,” he says.
“I’m not going to work at Spar, I’m
self-employed,” I say.
“Dick-employed,” he says.
It’s time I shut the door. I don’t like his
profession and now I don’t like him as
a person. I’m self-employed, I’m a
boss, I render services.
It’s a few minutes after 8pm, Luh
hasn’t woken up since we got back.
Now I’m a bit worried, he never sleeps
so long.
I dish his food and leave it to cool
down. Then head to the bedroom to
wake him up.
Jesus Christ! He’s covered in sweat, I
put my hand on his temple and it’s
burning.
As soon as he opens his eyes, he’s
crying. Why did I wake him up?
“Where does it hurt?” I ask.
First, he points at his stomach. I have
stomach-ache pills. But he goes on to
point at his head, legs and ears.
Apparently he’s got every sickness in
his body, he points everywhere. I try
to feed him but he only eats two
spoons.
He's crying nonstop. I don’t know
anyone who’s a mother. Sima sent
hers back to God after a positive
pregnancy test. So I take matters to
Facebook, they tell me to take him to
the doctor.
I have money to buy this week’s
grocery then after that I’m flat broke.
If I take him to the doctor that means
we won’t have food this week.
.
.
.
We hardly had any sleep last night. I
thought he’d wake up feeling better
but he’s worse. I beg him to eat
porridge, he eats a few spoons and
then throws up.
I don’t have a choice, I have to take
him to the clinic. I don’t have good
experiences with our clinic. Those
nurses are lazy, rude and nosy. But I
will persevere for the sake of a young
life.

We dress up and take a taxi. My heart

breaks when he’s this inactive and
weak. I miss the talkative Luh that
makes me clean the house three. times
a day.
Oh my goodness, the queue!
Are we even going to get help today?
I’m number 49, there are screaming
kids and complaining mothers all
around me.
“How old is he?” And nosy ones too.
“Three,” I say.
“He’s so cute. He reminds me of my
brother, he was this cute as a baby,
with sharp ears and all.”
“That’s nice,” I’m not good with small
talks, if I had money I would’ve gone
to the GP in town.
“I never thought he’d grow and be so
bossy. He’s younger than me but he
wants to control me. Yesterday he was
chasing away Bahle’s dad’s car.”
Bahle must be the one on her lap with
a full diaper and dry skin.
“Really?” I’m not interested but I
don’t want to come across as cold.
She chuckles, “You know how
brothers are. He actually thought it
was a different man because he came
in a Mercedes-Benz. Angithi he
usually drives a BMW.”
“Oh, he must be rich!”
“Not really, he just owns a petrol
garage. His father was a CEO at
Transnet, then he retired and bought a
farm.”
She’s a storyteller. There’s no way her
babydaddy owns a petrol garage and
she’s here wearing flat pumps with
holes.
“If they see me here, I’m dead. Bahle
has a medical aid but I prefer public
spaces where I can meet ordinary
people, like you.”
Wow, this girl. I’m everything but
ordinary. I’m wearing MK boots, she’s
wearing flat pumps from Power
Factory and she’s looking down on
me.
Luh is awake, I take out the lunchbox I
packed for him and try my luck again.
He only eats one fish finger and then
refuses to eat more.
I close the lunchbox. Just as I do, the
rich Bahle pulls my dress. I don’t care
if his father owns a petrol garage or
universe, I hate spoilt brats.
“Hold your child, girl,” I warn her.
Mine is on my lap, not touching
anyone because despite having no dad
that owns a petrol garage, he has
home training.
“He just wants fish,” she says, pulling
the child back.
“Then he must ask, he can talk, right?”
I’m annoyed but I give him the
lunchbox, at the end of the day he’s a
child, he won’t learn good behavior by
himself.
Am I seeing the mother chewing too? I
thought my fish fingers would be
ordinary like me.
CHAPTER 10

It took two days for him to recover.

He’s back to his usual routines, my
small lounge has my shoes parked on
the floor. According to him, all these
shoes are cars and this lounge is a
mall. I have to buy him toys when
doing grocery. Lerato agreed to
babysit while I go to town. I have
shopping to do and two hours to
spend with a client at the hotel.

I can walk to Lerato’s place but the

sun is scorching and I have Luh and
his bag. I take a taxi, it’s R9. We find
her doing laundry, Luh grabs on my
pants and refuses to sit down.
“I hope he won’t cry because I have a
bad headache already,” she says.
“No, he won’t cry.” I say removing
him from my leg and putting him on
the chair. He just couldn’t wait to
prove me wrong.
“Angeke Namandla!”
“He’s not going to cry for long, give
him a toy he will be distracted,” I say.
“A toy?” She thinks for a minute and
then disappears to her bedroom.
“I’m going to buy you noodles and a
big truck. Do you want it?”
He shakes his head, tears rolling
down. He wants me to lift him up.
This should be frustrating but for
some reason, I have this deep feeling
of satisfaction and validation from
him refusing to let me go. I mean
something to him.
Lerato comes back with a purple box.
She has toys? This is not going to be
hard.
“I swear it’s new, never been used.”
She unboxes a new dildo.
“A dick? What the fuck is wrong with
you. This is a baby.” I’m so mad.
“But it’s a toy and he doesn’t know
what it’s for,” she sees nothing wrong
with it.
“No!” What the fuck.
I fetch a pair of shoes and put them on
the floor. There’s no way my Luh is
going to play with a dick toy.
“Those are my Gucci sleepers,” she
says.
“Come on Rato, it’s not like they’re
original.” I was there when she bought
them, we were at the Pakistan shop.
“He’s going to play cars, I have to shift
this couch for the parking lot to be
open enough,” I say.
She sighs, “What else?”
“If you hear an aeroplane passing take
him out to watch it,” I say.
“I’m glad I had my periods this
month.”
She’s dramatic, I have been doing for
weeks and I’m still standing.
He’s calm when I leave.
.
.
I buy everything on the list and take
bags to the taxi rank. I ask a woman
selling veges to look after them.
They’re better parcel counters, she
puts one plastic bag between her legs,
right under her coochie.
“I leave by 5pm, make sure you come
back on time,” she says.
“Don’t worry Ma, I will be back in just
two hours, I have a meeting with a
client.” It’s a new client, he’s here for
business, flying back to Joburg in two
days. An old client of mine referred
him to me.
I use the town bathrooms to change
into a red bodycon dress and pencil
heels. I have to look appealing. The
expensive you look, the more high
class clients you get. I have standard
prices but with the right clients, I
make more money.

He fetches me from town in a tinted,

black Range Rover. He’s a big fish,
looks mean nothing, money talks.
“Wow, you look even more sexy in
person,” he says.
It’s a wrinked white grandpa with
freckles all over his face. His eyes are
sky blue, there’s nothing to admire
about his face or body structure. His
body is built like a frog that was ran
over by a car. Stick legs, big sagging
belly and small head.
“Do need anything on the way?” he
asks.
“No, I have everything that I need.” I
always come prepared.
He drives us to the hotel in Umhlanga.
I have been here before, with a
different client of course. But it’s a
different staff at the reception, so I
don’t mind.
We go to his room, it’s a deluxe. I
don’t know how long he’s been horny,
as soon as he shuts the door he shoves
his tongue down my throat. You have
to moan even when you’re disgusted.
His mouth smells like he ate some
prawns and didn’t drink water.
“Oh, my chicken!” he takes out my
boobs and sucks them. Not
romantically, he really sucks them like
he’s hoping milk will come out.
I won’t lie though, his mouth is good
on my nipples. My moans transition
from fake to real.
I’m light weight, he picks me up and
throws me in bed. Then laughs, real
loud like tavern uncles who just
discovered that beer is on special.
“Ooooh yes!” he laughs some more
after taking his pants off.
I have seen small dicks before but this
one is a discovery. His balls almost
shrink it in, it's just the size of a
thumb.
“Come here, daddy,” I say.
“No!” he laughs again and starts
running around.
Is he mentally okay?
“Daddy,” I open my legs.
He sees my open coochie and laughs
some more. His little thing starts
standing up. It looks like a middle
finger now, I guess this is how big it
can get.
“Come here my chicken, choke on it.”
He wants a blowjob, he’s lifted his
saggy belly.
It won’t make me choke. Blowjob
means extra money, I waste no time. It
reaches only my tongue but if a client
says choke on it, you better choke on
it.
He’s very loud, I guess laughing is
horniness coping mechanism. He
laughs when it gets too good.
“You’re so good, my chicken.” There
is a clapping sound.
It’s him spanking his belly while I’m
sucking his small pip. As he slaps it
harder, his sperms spill in my mouth.
Jeez, he came in my mouth.
“Don’t spit out, my chicken.” He says,
lying down on the floor and opening
his own mouth. The rest is history.
CHAPTER 11

I haven’t gotten any call from the

police, Lerato says if I don’t go there
myself they won’t pay attention to the
case. So I woke up today and got us
ready for another trip to the police
station. I have anxiety issues, both
from the new role placed upon me by
the universe and having to interact
with the police.
We are a week away from getting the
test results. I’m still hoping for
positive news.

They know me, I’ve been here many

times. I find them drinking tea, it’s
cold.
“He’s gaining weight,” the female one
says, she’s sitting with the captain on
his desk.
“He’s in good hands,” says the
captain, smiling at me. Everyone
thinks this is easy because they don’t
know my financial stress.
“I was hoping to find Khuzwayo, I
haven’t heard from him,” I say.
“He’s on leave, Ncube here is
handling your case and so far there
has been no new developments,” he
says.
“I had a conversation with Mbambo,
the social worker, and she promised to
pay you a visit before the end of this
week.”
“Okay, thank you.” In short, they
haven’t done anything. Khuzwayo
going on leave and not informing me
just proves how lightly they take this
case.
We are getting ice-cream and going
home.
.
.
.
Mhlengikhaya is off, he’s washing his
car outside. He’s Luh’s favorite person
after me. As soon as he sees him, he
runs to the car.
“Hey, where were you?”
“I went to the ice-cream,” Luh says.
“And you didn’t bring your uncle any
of it?” He pretends to be sad.
“Mommy will buy yours,” he says.
My heart skips a few beats. Did he just
call me mommy? Oh my goodness.
Mhlengikhaya looks at me as I gasp
for air. Then he smiles, gently.
Him and I haven’t been seeing eye to
eye ever since he told me about Spar
jobs.
“Mommy works and gets many
goodies,” Luh continues. I wish he can
just shut up.
Mhlengikhaya’s smile disappears. “Oh
wow, she must be working really
hard.”
“Lungelo let’s go,” I’m not in the
mood to discuss my job with a nosy
neighbor.
“Just a minute, Namandla,” he stops
me.
Luh is distracted by the car, he’s
gotten inside.
“I’m a good neighbor, I’m just
concerned about the boy’s safety,” he
says.
“Well, he’s my business to worry
about. Not yours Mhlengikhaya.” I
never ask him for help, he’s just a nosy
man I see around.
“How is the search going?” he asks.
“I doubt they’re searching, SAPS is
useless, all they know is corruption
and working with drug dealers.”
“Really? Which drug dealers? Who are
they?” he asks.
I know a few but I won’t mention
names. It’s his job to know them, not
me. Him not knowing who they are
proves what I just said about them.
Useless people.
“I will do this on my own, I will post
on Facebook, in different Swatini
groups. Facebook people are not lazy,
they don’t need money for cold drink
in order to work.” I call Luh, he’s
staring at me.
I pick my baby up and leave.
My apartment always looks like a
mother’s apartment. Technically
speaking, it is. I fill his juice bottle and
sit down. I hardly get a chance to
watch what I like, I only do when he’s
asleep. He owns all the rooms, all my
shoes, the food in the fridge and TV.
And he also owns my heart. I enjoy
him taking over, it gives me the kind
of joy I have never felt before. I love
how he appreciates the little things in
life.
“Do you call me mommy now?” I ask.
“You’re mommy,” he says.
My heart overflows with joy.
“So if mommy sends you to Aunt
Rato’s house for a sleepover are you
going to cry?”
“Yes, I will cry,” he admits with no
shame.
“That’s not fair,” I know Lerato will
flood my phone with calls the whole
night if he cries.
It’s a favor that I’m yet to ask her. My
married cuckold couple want me for
the night again on Saturday. I need
money, I can’t say no. So I have to ask
someone to babysit for me and Lerato
is a better aunt than Sima, no offense.
CHAPTER 12

I’m getting ready for my night duties,

Lerato calls me. I’m about to go and
drop Luh at her place.
“Friend, my uncle has passed away.”
“Oh, no. What happened?” Her uncle
was useless but I’m shocked anyway.
If it wasn’t for him her life would’ve
turned out way better.
“They say he just fell and died. I have
to go home with Simphiwe, he’s
driving from Ntuzuma.”
“Okay.” This is a mess.
Where am I going to leave Luh now?
Sima is out of town. Those are the only
two people that Luh is used to.
“I’m sorry friend. Can’t you ask your
police neighbor to look after him?”
“Mhlengikhaya? I’d rather take him
with me.” I will not be judged by
Mhlengikhaya again.
“That doesn’t make sense, you refused
for me to give him a dick toy because
you want him to witness the real
porn.”
Sigh!
What am I going to do?
“Humble yourself to Mhlengikhaya, at
least he knows your story,” she says.
I drop the call, my head is cracking
now. On the other hand I have
received the deposit and
transportation fee. I need this money, I
can’t cancel.

Mhlengikhaya is home, his lights are

on. I stand outside my door
contemplating on what to do. I have a
huge pride, something a mother
shouldn’t have.
I leave Luh in front of the TV and
make my way to his apartment.
I knock a few times before the door
opens. It’s not him, but a boy that
looks like him but much younger.
“Can I see Mhlengikhaya?” I ask.
“Come inside,” he says.
I walk in, there’s another one sitting
on the couch watching SABC Sport.
This one is almost Mhlengikhaya’s
size but they don’t resemble each
other that much. It’s like walking in to
a men’s hostel.
He appears and breaks the
awkwardness.
“This my Karen neighbor, Namandla
Mthiyane,” he says.
I don’t see how I’m a Karen; I’m not
white and I don’t behave like one.
“Hello Karen Namandla.”
Whoever these are, they’re idiots.
He smiles, “What can I do for you?”
“Can we talk outside?” I should’ve
listened to my instincts, not Lerato.
“Okay, this is Mfanafuthi and Mxolisi,
my brothers,” he says.
I look at them and coldly say, “Happy
to meet you.”
We step outside, he’s in a jolly mood.
Too jolly for my liking.
“I don’t know if you can since you
have company, I need someone to
babysit for me. The one I asked had a
family emergency,” I say.
“I can, but I have to know where
you’re going first.” He doesn’t
disappoint, as expected his whole nose
is in my business.
“I’m going to work,” I say.
He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry,
no.”
“Okay.” I can’t beg, it’s not in my
veins. I just turn and leave. No hard
feelings but I won’t greet him when I
see him again.

I find Luh at the door looking for me.

This child! I don’t know what my plan
is now. It’s either I take him with me
or cancel. Neither is easy.
I hug him, I always feel better when I
have him in my arms. My phone rings,
it’s the husband- he wants to know
how far I am.
“Baby Luh, we got to go to mommy’s
work. We’ll see what happens when
we get there.” I don’t have a choice,
we need money to survive.
.
.
I call him at the reception, he’s paying
me so I have to tell him my situation
before we go.
He comes down, his forehead
wrinkles when he sees the company I
have with me.
“I will explain,” I say.
“Okay.” He seems freaked out a bit.
We step to the side and I explain what
happened to my babysitter, I say Luh
is my nephew.
If it was a young, immature guy he
would’ve been dramatic but this one
goes to the reception and enquires
about a room. And just like that, I’m
sorted. Luh and I have been booked
our own room, once he’s asleep I will
then sneak out and go render my
services.
.
.
.

We have a room service, my baby is

uncomfortable in this strange room.
We cuddle in bed until he falls asleep.
I will keep coming to check on him.
Fingers crossed, he won’t wake up
while I’m gone.

I take a shower and glam myself up,

then call him to come and fetch me.
He’s still in his suit, I follow him to his
room.
I lift my eyes as we walk in, hoping to
see his SSBBW wife. But I’m seeing
Lerato.
Bitch, what the fuck?!
Her eyes pop out. “Oh my god! What
are you doing here?”
“No, what are you doing here? Is your
uncle not dead anymore?” I can’t
believe she ditched me last minute for
a hook-up, with my client for that
matter.
“I didn’t know what good excuse to
make, you were going to hate me.”
“I hate you anyway. I can’t believe
you’d lie about death,” I’m in
disbelief.
“I didn’t know you two know each
other, eitherway I had a long day,”
says Mr Bhengu, the husband.
Why would I need enemies when I
have friends like Lerato? I don’t
believe this is just a coincidence. She’s
after my clients.

We both undress him, he wants me

behind and Lerato at the front. I
wonder if the wife knows that he’s
having a threesome without her. But
they have a crazy sex life anyway.
Fortunately he washed his buttocks, I
lick the hairy butthole with my eyes
closed. Lerato is choking at the front.
He’s in the zone of his own.
We make two rounds then he releases
me. He wastes no time, he sends the
money right away.

Luh is still asleep. I call Sima, I have to

tell her what Lerato has done.
“You know Lerato would do anything
for money,” she says, begging me not
to take it personally.
“I just find it snakey,” I say.
“I think you guys can make more
money there. It’s two against one,
right?”
“No Sima, I want him to be my
regular, I can’t rob him,” I say.
“There are many fishes in the sea, it’s
not like if you lose him you will
starve.”
I shouldn’t have called her. Now I
don’t do things just for myself, I have
to think about Luh’s safety first.

He said he’d fetch me early in the

morning for the last one but he
doesn’t. I guess Lerato is better than
me. My money reported yesterday, so
I just have to get us ready and drop
the keys at the reception and leave.
CHAPTER 13

I don’t hate Mhlengikhaya, I hold no

grudge against him. But I walk past
him without greeting. I have a heavy
child sleeping on my shoulder and my
bag.
“Wow, I’ve seen it all!” he murmurs
behind me. He desperately wants my
attention.
I ignore him and keep walking. I’m
tired, I need a nap before Luh wakes
up.
I just got inside the house and put Luh
in bed, he knocks. I know it’s him,
most of my neighbors play far away
from me, especially the ones living
with their partners.
“What Mhlengikha…?” Oh, it’s not
him.
But Ncube and the social worker.
Fuck, why am I shaking?
“Miss Mthiyane, relax. This is a
friendly visit,” Officer Ncube says.
I take a few deep breaths and let them
in. My lounge is a mess, Luh scattered
all the shoes on the floor and his toys.
I thought I’d clean up after today.
“Wow,” the lady with her chuckles.
“You already made this place a kid’s
home. How are you coping?”
I think my eyes are proof that I’m
barely coping. I just smile and offer
them a seat while kicking everything
away.
“Juice or tea?” I ask.
“Never mind, your neighbor told us
that you worked nightshift,” Officer
Ncube says.
“Really?”
“Yes, he only sang praises for you. Is
Lungelo sleeping?”
“Yes, I picked him up from a friend’s
house and he fell asleep right away.” I
don’t know why Mhlengikhaya lied
on my behalf.
“It must be sleeping in a different
environment. Otherwise how are
things going?” asks the social worker.
“It’s all good, he likes it here. He
recently started calling me mommy. I
think our souls connect. He makes life
worth living.” My heart just lightens
up when I speak about him.
“It does seem so, you have built a
beautiful relationship.”
A moment of silence passes…
“The Jeles reached out to us,” Ncube.
“Oh?” I’m confused, they didn’t reach
out to me, yet I gave them my number
too.
“They’d like to meet the mother’s
family before settling the matter.”
“We are waiting for the DNA test
results.” I’m confused.
“There’s a long family story, even the
alleged father didn’t fully belong to
the family. After the funeral his wife
left with her kids and right now the
people there are not blood related to
Lungelo. It’s not the blood relatives.
So whether the results come back
positive or negative, he still won’t be
accepted.”
“Is that even legal?” There should be
something binding them to take care
of Luh. Any little clause.
“At this point we have to think for the
best interest of the child. There are
many families that don’t have
children. They will be blessed to have
a child to raise as their own.”
“Meaning?” I ask.
“I think the safest options right now is
putting him in a foster home,” she
says.
That means he’s going to strangers. I
wasn’t sure I was going to allow him
to go to the Jeles, given how they
hated him the moment they set their
eyes on him. The only people I trust
with him are from Swatini, his
mother’s family. But chances of
getting them are slim.
“Would you like to be considered?”
“What would be required?” I’m not
even thinking straight right now.
“You will have to be screened and
undergo training,” she says.
“But I’ve been living with him,
nobody told me to get trained, I was
just a good Samaritan.” This pisses me
off. Now they’re coming with big
books after weeks, telling me about
screening and training.
“That will help you, you will be able
to apply for social grant for him,” she
says.
“You have to apply through the
Department of Social Development. I
will help you.”
“Thanks,” I feel weak.
I’m likely not to qualify because of the
life that I live. I feel like this is God
punishing me for my sins. I took this
child in, went to the police and fed
him from my own pockets. Now, all of
a sudden, I have to get screened
otherwise he will be given to another
family.
CHAPTER 14

I had a bad week, today the test results

have come back. Dollar’s wife is here
too. I think her sixth sense can tell her
that I was messing with her husband.
She doesn’t like me, she can’t even
pretend. They made it clear where
they stand when it comes to Luh.
I feel like I know what those results
say. I mentally prepared myself for it a
long time ago.
They’re indeed open and it’s what I
thought. My application is pending for
foster care, now I’m waiting for the
social worker appointed by the court
to help me. I don’t know how long it’s
going to take, I’m still staying with
Luh but it’s not legal yet. If a different
social worker is appointed I know I
won’t make it. There’s a lot that’s
wrong with the kind of person I am
and the environment I want to raise
him in.
“Just a second,” the wife says,
following me out. I can sense a galore
of drama coming.
“My husband spent his last moments
with you,” she says, very bitterly.
There’s a flame of anger in her eyes.
I do understand, she’s mourning for
him, wearing black, and she’s finding
out all about his whoring ways at the
same time.
“Yes,” I say.
“What does that tell you? He was
married, he had children at home. Yet
you stole him away from them.”
“I was not in that car. What do you
mean I stole him?” I’m confused.
“If it wasn’t for you, he would’ve been
home the day before and he wouldn’t
have been involved in that accident.”
“I think you just want someone to
blame. Have a great day.” I pick Luh
and leave her ranting.
I understand she’s in pain but I’m not
God. If I had power to stop death my
own parents would be alive.
.
.
.

I find Lerato outside my apartment.

We haven’t talked since that night. I’m
over it, to be honest. I have bigger
problems to deal with. I’m a foster-
mum to be, I have to get my shit
straight.
“Hey friend, I got you flowers,” she
says, lifting a cheap bunch up.
“Snake vibes, what do you want?” I
open the door and put Luh down.
“I really didn’t know he was your guy.
We talked through Buddies and he
asked me if I’d be keen in a threesome.
Obviously that’s big money, I said
yes.”
“And lied to me about your uncle
dying?”
“He is dead,” she says.
“What?” I’m shocked.
“Yeah. But money over family.”
“Exactly what snakes do. Thanks for
the flowers.” I grab a chair and sit.
“I will babysit for you whenever you
want, two days straight,” she says.
“I’m thinking of looking for a day
job.”
“You’ve never had a day job,
Namandla.”
“Yeah, but now I need one. I’m going
to be screened and investigated by the
department before registering me as
Luh’s foster mom. The DNA results
came back negative.”
“OMG!” She’s shocked, as if she didn’t
tell me so. “I’m so sorry, friend.”
“No, it’s fine. At least now he will
never see those people again.” I’m
relieved they came back negative. I
feel bad about the bond Dollar and
Lungelo shared, but his mother lied.
“So you want to become a full
guardian now? You want all the
responsibilities?”
“I’ve been doing it anyway. It’s not
like I’m applying for a role I know
nothing about. I’m already used and
loving the motherhood routine.”
“Yooh! So that’s why you want a day
job?” she asks.
“Yeah, something the social worker
can put down for the Children’s court.
I don’t think I can let him go to
strangers.”
“You’re so fuckin’ kind!” She pats my
shoulder.
“So you and Bhengu, how did it end?”
“He’s a pastor,” she smugs.
Why does that look give me
hopelessness?
“What did you do?” I ask.
“Just a little recording, for financial
benefits, nothing hectic,” she says.
“How is it nothing hectic? You
violated a client’s privacy. Do you
know how scary his wife is?”
“I don’t care. I’m punishing him for
turning us against each other.”
“But he also didn’t know that we are
friends. The only thing that made me
mad was that you lied and said you
were going home instead of being
honest.”
“But you know I’m a liar, I didn’t
want you to think I didn’t want to
help you out. His offer was too good
for me to refuse.”
“I’m over it, trust me.” I have known
her for a long time, there’s no way we
are going to be enemies because of a
man who doesn’t belong to neither
one of us.
“Just don’t try to be messy, that man
has money. Don’t mess with him, you
will be rich if you’re meant to.”
“I hear you, friend.”
I know she’s going to do what she
wants anyway, but I will always warn
my friends.
CHAPTER 15

Once again, I have to be humble and

go knock on Mhlengikhaya’s door. I
need a job, maybe he knows
something. I went down to Spar and
they were no longer hiring. I’m still in
the prostitution industry, I’m still the
night mistress, but now I need to have
a clean record somewhere.
“Oh, hi old friend.” He’s such a happy
cop, shem.
“Hi, can we talk?” I ask.
“Of course, come in.” He leads me to
the couch and offers me a glass of
juice.
“How is Lungelo?” he asks.
“He’s fine, I left him playing with the
kid from next door. I just wanted to
know if you know any place that’s
hiring and doesn’t need matric.”
“You want to work now?”
“I do work, I just want a decent job.”
“I know someone who might have
something. But it’s a domestic work.”
“That’s fine,” I say.
“What changed your heart, young
lady?”
“I applied for foster care,” I say.
“For Lungelo?” he asks.
“Yeah, I want him to stay with me.
The test results came back negative, so
it’s a dead end anyway. His mother’s
family didn’t come forward for over a
month.”
“Maybe she didn’t have a family,” he
says.
“That’s possible, maybe that’s why the
aunt who was left with him gave him
to his “father”,” I say.
“Do you know what’s going to help
your profile?” he asks.
My ears are sharpened. “What?”
“Repenting and settling down,” he
says.
“You’re a very wise man; profound
advices.” I stand up, my business is
done here.
He stands up too, “I’m serious
Namandla. Why do you have to live
this life? I’m single and looking.”
“Keep looking,” I say.
He’s one of those men who think sex
workers need love.
“Give me a chance, if I fail you will go
back,” he says.
“Mhlengikhaya, I don’t even find you
attractive,” I say.
He laughs.
I’m dead serious. I have a type, in my
head, and he doesn’t meet the
requirements.
“I’m inviting you and Lungelo for
dinner tomorrow evening,” he says.
“I will come for free food. Please let
me know what your friend says about
the job,” I say.
“I’m a Mgenge, I’m undefeated.”
“And I’m a Smith, right?” He’s talking
as if I’m not a proud Zulu too, I can’t
brag with my clan. I’m also a fuckin’
Mthiyane and no man, especially a
cop, is going to put me in a love cage.
.
.
.
I take Luh to the park, we have a
dinner to go to later. It’s funny how
this boy came into my life and
changed it in less than two months. I
valued money, clothes and bags.
Those are the things that made me
happy. Or think I was.
Now little things fulfil me. I still have
my deep wounds from the past but
nothing can put me down. And by
nothing, I mean nothing. Not even
police officers in their uniform, I faced
my fears and overcame. Yes, I still
shake, but it’s nothing like before.

I have him in my arm, he insisted on

wearing my sun hat instead of his.
There are a couple of kids with their
parents.
“You have to drink your water first
and then go play. No scratching other
kids, no running,” I say.
“No running,” he repeats after me.
“Good boy!” I give him water and tie
his laces, then release him.
“Hello,”
It was only a matter of time!
I turn my face towards the voice.
“Hey, how are you?”
“I’m good. You look so much like my
grandmother,” she says.
I don’t know her, she’s here with the
twins. I don’t know what to make of
her comparing me to her
grandmother.
“In her youth days, right?” I ask.
She bursts into laughter. “Of course,
you just have her features, not her
wrinkles.”
“Oh great. Is she related to
Mthiyane?” I ask.
“Oh my god, she was married to the
Mthiyanes,” she says.
“That’s my surname,” I say.
“From where?” She’s getting more
interested.
“Mashoba,” I say.
“Are you in any way related to
MaCebekhulu?”
“That would be my mother, she was a
Cebekhulu,” I say.
“You are Namandla?”
Jesus Christ, this is so awkward.
“Yeah. Who are you?”
“I’m Mphile, I think we share a
grandmother. Oh my god, you don’t
know how many times I’ve tried to
look for you.”
Should I stand up and hug her? I sit
still, my feelings are in the freezer.
“I was 5 years old when babomdala
died. I grew up with my mother’s
family, so I never got a chance to meet
you.”
Oh, that makes sense.
“I don’t know anyone, even if I did I
wouldn’t remember,” I say.
“I understand. Can I give you a hug?
We are cousins,” she says.
I get up and hug her. There’s a ring on
her finger, I guess she’s married or
engaged.
“So where are you? How is life?”
“Everything is good, I’m hustling here
in Durban,” I say.
“Is that your son?” she asks.
“Yes,” I nod.
“Wow, we really need to reconcile and
get to know each other. I’m sure none
of your aunts can recognize you.”
“I’m not interested in being
recognized. I mean, nobody wanted
me. I grew up in different strangers
homes, so family to me was just my
mom and dad. But I’m happy to meet
you, we should exchange numbers.”
“We should. I saw you the moment
you arrived and spotted your striking
resemblances to my late
grandmother.”
“Pity, I don’t know how she looked
like.”
“Just like you,” she laughs. “So you
haven’t been home ever since your
parents passed?”
“No,” I say.
“I’m really sorry about what you went
through. But it’s no longer that violent
in the village, they don’t have police
killing people for nothing.”
My chest turns dry. I’m struggling to
breathe. Did she say police???
CHAPTER 16

I canceled dinner with Mhlengikhaya.

I don’t think I can look at him. Yes, he
didn’t do anything to me. He wasn’t
even a police officer back then. But his
presence will trigger me. He was right
about it. I’m scared of the police
because I witnessed them killing my
parents.
So we are having spaghetti for dinner.
I had to make it last minute.
“Mommy, when is Luh going to
heaven?”
This question catches me off guard.
But I understand where it comes from.
Ever since I told him that Dollar went
to heaven he’s been obsessed with it.
“When you’re 100 years old,” I say.
“When is that?”
“In 97 years to come.”
He nods.
“I will go with mommy,” he says.
I will be long dead by then, but I
promise him that indeed we will go
together.

A knock disturbs us. I did

communicate with Mhlengikhaya
about the canceling, so I don’t know
who that is.
I open, guess who?
“Hello,” he says.
I count to three and then breathe.
“Help me, please.” He’s here with
food Tupperware containers.
“I said I was busy,” I say.
“And I decided to bring dinner here.”
He shoves two containers in my
hands.
Peace is not something I can have for
long. I let him in and take out dishes.
We are having this dinner by force.
Luh was already full but he won’t say
no to meat. I don’t have a table, so we
will be in the lounge eating on my L
couch while Luh watches his cartoons.

He’s a good cook, I won’t lie. His

roasted potatoes are everything.
“Why do you always look angry?”
I look up. Me?
I’m the nicest person on earth.
“Only to you,” I say.
“Why to me?” he asks.
“Because you always do things to piss
me off,” I say.
“I think you just don’t like honest
people. I have never said anything to
piss you off, I have said honest things
to you,” he says.
“I don’t need your opinions though,
this is my life and only I know what it
takes for Namandla to survive.”
“I also want to know what it takes,
you have to let me in so that I don’t
make uninformed opinions about
you.”
“The problem Mhlengikhaya is that
you want to be a hero, you want to
save me. Not that you necessarily
want a relationship with me because
you’re in love.”
“You don’t know what my intentions
are, you don’t give me a minute in a
day. I liked you from day one.”
“Day one?” I laugh, he thinks this is a
romantic movie.
“It wasn’t a mistake that I came to
your table. I saw you the moment I
walked in, my eyes just landed on
you. I was going to introduce myself
that day but you ran out.”
“So manje uyashela?” I ask.
He chuckles, “I’m just asking for a
chance. I don’t think you do what you
do because it’s your dream, you’re just
comfortable with easy money.”
“And you are going to change that,
Mgenge omkhulu?” I ask.
“I want you to change that. How well
you take care of Luh proves that you
are a woman that can help me build
my father’s house. Ng’bona umfazi
waseMagengeni mina.”
I don’t know why the hell I’m
blushing. I’m not a wife material, I
have never wished to be seen as one.
“But it bothers you that I’m a sex
worker,” I say.
“I won’t lie, it does.”
“Then how are you going to cope
because that’s always going to be part
of my story, even if I retire. And as the
story owner, I’m not ashamed of it.”
“I don’t know Namandla, all I know is
that I need you to give me a fair
chance. And by fair I mean
exclusivity.”
He is the bully he thinks he is, for real.
“How can you ask for exclusivity from
a sex worker?” I ask.
“Because you’re going to retire. Ubeke
phansi amathuluzi.” He chuckles.
“No, say what you wanted to say.”
“Ok, ubeke phansi amadilozi.”
It was a trap, he’s a fool.
“I’m kidding, don’t be mad.” He
pokes my cheek, I mistakenly laugh.
“So what is your answer?” he asks.
“I’m going to think about it,” I say.
“I don’t think you would need to think
if you were against the idea. It
would’ve been an immediate no. So
hello sthandwa sami.”
This man!
I shake my head, laughing.
Luh turns his head. He sees that
Mhlengikhaya has shifted too close
and comes to sit between us. I’m the
king of boys.
I offer to wash his containers before he
leaves. I had a great time, it was
exactly what I needed after the
encounter I had at the park.
Luh has already gone to bed. I dry his
containers and then walk him out. It’s
late, people are already in beds.
“The job I told you about is still open.
It’s a 8am-5pm housekeeping job in
Umhlanga,” he says.
“I will take it,” I say.
“Good, let me look for their email. Do
you have an email?”
“No, but I can go to the Post Office
and ask for it,” I say.
He smiles, “You didn’t have to be
smart about it.”
“But clearly you think I’m dumb
because I said I don’t have matric,” I
say.
“I was just checking, relax.” He gives
me the email address.
Another new page in my life is about
to open. Having Luh has given me
courage to do things I never thought
I’d do.

“I meant every word, Namandla,” he

says.
“No, don’t worry, I will take the job.”
“No, I’m talking about us. I’m a
bachelor, you saw me. I think my
ancestors brought me here to find a
wife.”
I fake a sigh. “Kuhlwile shem.”
“You can pretend but you can’t ignore
me forever, izinyembezi zami aziweli
phansi.”
I crack up, laughing. I think him and
Luh are the only people who can get
me laughing this hard.
“See you around, Mhlengikhaya.”
“See tomorrow, sthandwa
saseMaGengeni.
He’s too forward. I said I will think
about it, I’m not anything to the
Mgenges yet.
CHAPTER 17

I’m having my first meeting with a

social worker, I’m nervous but at this
point I think Luh is my gift from God
and nothing is going to come between
us. I made sure that I clean the house,
removed all the wine bottles and got
rid of the sex toys. Yeap, I threw them
away.
The questions are not tense as I
thought. She thinks my apartment is
too small and worries about the lack of
space for him to play outdoors. But
she assures me that it’s not much of a
problem.
It can take a few months for the court
to make a decision. But I’m with him
either way, I’m making the ends-meet
regardless of the sudden change in my
life.
We haven’t seen Sima in a while, the
richest aunt. After the social worker
leaves we get ready to pay her a visit.
It’s a bit hot today. We take a taxi and
drop across her street.
She’s owns real Gucci, unlike Lerato.
Lerato has mouths to feed back home,
that’s why she buys her Gucci from
Pakistan shops.
“Oh my goodness!” She’s more
excited to see Luh than me. “I have
been waiting for you all day.”
I follow them inside the house. She
bought a huge car toy for Luh. There’s
McDonald’s on the counter.
“Your meeting took long, I thought
you’d be here sooner, his chips are
now dry.”
“It wasn’t too long, she just arrived
late.”
She gives Luh his burger and chips on
a plate, then sits. “How did it go?”
“I think it went well, I was nervous for
nothing,” I say.
“If there’s anyone we need to sleep
with for it to happen give us names.”
I laugh, “Don’t include me, I’m now in
an exclusive relationship.”
“A what?” She chokes down a laugh.
“I’m telling, my cop neighbor wants
an exclusive relationship,” I say.
“And you told him where to get off, I
trust you friend, you’ve done it
before.”
“I tried…” She doesn’t let me finish.
“Tried or did?” she asks.
“I tried, he’s not the type that takes no
for an answer,” I say.
“Everyone takes no for an answer,
depending on how you say it. Do you
like him?”
“No,” I deny.
“No but you’re blushing? Ay
Namandla, you just became an illegal
mother now you want to date a cop.
How complicated do you want your
life to be?”
“It’s just that I haven’t had anyone
showing me affection. Even sex, I have
never done it, it’s always business
transactions. I want those little things
in life.”
“If you put it that way I get it, but a
cop?” She knows my issues with cops.
“It’s going to be a challenge because
he’s a stubborn one at that. But Luh
likes him, I also think he’s attractive.”
“Whatever you want, you know I will
always support you. If you want me to
be an aunt, I will be one. If you want
me to be a bridesmaid, I will be one.”
“Bridesmaid, it’s not that deep.”
She gets us snacks while I update her
about the park incident. Now Mphile
and I are Whatsapp friends. She wants
us to visit home, she says my parents’
house is still there. I have never visited
my parents’ graves.
“But did you remember how your
parents died?”
“I don’t remember the event but
obviously I remember the feeling. My
brain can identify the source of its
traumas, hence my anxiety problems
and triggers from the sight of the
police.”
“Maybe Mhlengikhaya is what’s going
to take for you to heal, internally.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the intention. I’m
not trying to heal through him, I just
want to give life a chance. Normal
life.”
“Cops are stingy,” she says.
“I know, I’m not planning to depend
on him.” I stood on my own from the
age of 16. I’m not looking for a man to
take care of me.
“Let’s judge him by his dick game
then.”
“I’m not going to easily give it up for
him.” I know he probably thinks that’s
what going to happen because I sleep
with men anyway.
“You are messed up these days, the
way you think!” she shakes her head.
Luh is done eating. He’s now playing
his new car, paving the road
anywhere in the room.
“He’s very cute, my ovaries are
dancing.” Obviously she’s lying, she
hates having children. Her brothers
are married and have a bunch that she
can’t even name correctly.
“So are you planning to adopt him in
future?” she asks.
“Adoption is more complicated, that’s
why I need to get my shit together. I
will never let him go.” Luh is my
world now.
I wake up everyday with purpose
because of him.

“Maybe this is how God wanted your

life to change,” she says.
“Hopefully he will see me through it,
now that I’ve taken the right
direction.” I don’t know when was the
last time I prayed, I should start again
and teach Luh how to do it at this age.
CHAPTER 18

I have a job interview today, my first

ever. It’s a housekeeping job, not
something I ever thought I’d do. But
here I am in life, years later, with a
child and new dreams.
Sima is the easily irritable aunt, I
prefer Lerato over her but Lerato
hasn’t been around in three days. God
knows what she’s busy with, we just
pray for her safety. Lerato is a baddie,
a real one. That’s why among us she’s
the only one with a boyfriend who
understands that she has to lay on her
back to make money. I never had any
guy approaching me and being okay
with what I do.
I’m dropping Luh at her place and as
soon as his feet touch the floor he
drops his juice and spills it all over
Sima’s tiles.
“Don’t shout at him, he cries,” I say.
She sighs heavily, “Okay, well done
Baby Luh for spilling juice on my
Armani Nero porcelain tiles.”
Luh smiles, he knows nothing about
sarcasm. Then he goes off to where the
TV is playing.
“How long are you going to be gone? I
have a client at 2pm,” she asks.
“I will be back before 11am, what can
delay a housekeeping interview? Do I
know how to squeeze a mop, wipe
windows, wash dishes?”
“And not sell sex to the father or son
of the house?” She adds and we both
crack up, laughing.
If the opportunity presents itself I
think my prostituting side will come
out. But that’s not my intention at all, I
just want to have a decent job title on
my profile.
“See you later friend, don’t spank my
baby,” I say.

“He must be on good behavior.”

That’s a foreign word to Luh. Good
behavior, what is that?
.
.
I take Uber and arrive earlier than
expected at the new workplace,
hopefully. I don’t know why I expect a
single man to be the owner. We
haven’t had a voice chat, we only
communicated via emails. I confirm
that I’m at the right place and call the
number attached below the last email.
A man answers, I was right.
He lets me in, there’s two puppies
running around. I hate pets, this one is
going to be a challenge.

It’s mid-aged man with a shiny piece

on his left hand. We exchange warm
greetings, he introduces himself as
Lwazi.
“I hope you’re an early bird by nature,
not that you were just impressing me.”
“Trust me, I was opening the gate
with a security guard at school,” I say.
“Mmmm, I will take your word for it.”
He leads me to a living room. It’s
spacious and scarcely furnished. I
think he’s a man of simple things.
“You haven’t been a housekeeper
before, right?” he asks.
“I have,” I say.
“I called one of the numbers you used
as a reference and the lady said no,
you only worked as a manager at
Identity and she was your
supervisor.”
That sounds like Lerato, Sima is smart.
How will being a fake store manager
help me secure a housekeeping job?
“Maybe you dialed a wrong number
or I mixed up numbers,” I say.
“It’s not a big deal. I work at the
harbor, I’m not home often. Maybe
three times a month or two. But my
wife pops in now and then with the
kids.”
“That’s not a problem, she will find
the house spotless everytime,” I say.
“I heard you have a kid,” he says.
“Yeah, he’s three, I’m a foster mom.”
“Is it?” He looks at me with new eyes,
looking shocked and impressed.
“Yeah. I will put him in creche.”
“It’s fine if you want to come with
him. You will be alone most of the
times. As long as he doesn’t break my
wife’s make-ups,” he smiles.

There’s something soft and kind about

him. He loves his wife, from the way
his eyes soften when he mentions her.
“Thank you. I was nervous, thinking
you’re going to throw heavy interview
questions. I’ve never been to…”
Ahem!
“An interview with a man, one on
one,” I say.
“There’s a first time for everything.
First time for an interview, first time
for a housekeeping job.”
I’m not that smart, am I?
“Let me show you around,” he gets off
the chair. I follow him.
Mhlengikhaya put this together. This
job was mine from the word go. In my
head I wasn’t going to take this
seriously, it’s just for the record. But
after meeting with Lwazi, I think I
want to impress him and his wife. I
want to be the best housekeeper
anyone can ever ask for.

I will be mopping even the air outside.

I doubt I will come with Luh, this
house is too organized, he’d turn it
upside down and break everything
within two days.
CHAPTER 19

Luh is going to creche tomorrow and

I’m going to work. The kind of work
that doesn’t need me to glam up and
dress to kill. I have to pick the older
outfits because I don’t want to waste
my good clothes. It feels like a new
start, I’m doing something different. I
don’t have to give my body to anyone
to earn money. I’ve always been sure
that sex work is my place of eternity. I
enjoyed it and convinced myself it
defines who I am. But actually no, I’m
more than that.
Luh can pick up on my mood, he’s
excited with me. He’s singing along
with me and he doesn’t even know the
lyrics, which cracks me up. He’s a rare
form of human being. He’s trying to
imitate my dance moves while at it.
Hands clap at the door.
I stop immediately, Mhlengikhaya has
been watching us all this time. I
thought I closed the door, nevertheless
he’s not supposed to “singsdrop” to
my singing.
“I swear it felt like I was at a Taylor
Swift concert. You and your backup
singer, slash dancer.”
I count to three and then breathe. I’m
not going to be an angry neighbor and
get called a Karen again. But he’s
wrong for doing this. He’s
disrespecting my privacy.
“Your nose will break, don’t scratch it
so hard, come and beat me instead.”
He says walking in with two gift bags.
He’s smiling because he sees nothing
wrong with this.
“How are you, muntu
waseMaGengeni?” He hugs me, I
don’t return the hug.
He bumps fists with Luh, not really
bothered by my anger.
“You’re going to creche tomorrow,”
he says to Luh.
“No, school,” Luh.
He slaps his forehead. “Silly me,
you’re actually going to school. Look
what I got you.”
Luh opens the gift bag and unwraps a
puzzle board and a pack of multi
colored pens. This takes him to cloud
nine, now he’s convinced that he’s
really going to school. And not just
small children school, no he sees
himself in high school right now.
“Mommy look, look.” He’s jumping
up and down. It’s not even a
registered creche, he’s going to
MaGumede’s backroom creche. It’s
R250 per month, that’s what I afford.
MaGumede spanks children and
makes them pick up dirt around her
yard. She calls herself the principal
and handwrites her reports. There’s a
lady that helps her, she’s always
shouting at her, accusing her of not
knowing the job.
“The angry bird,” Mhlengikhaya
pokes my cheek, smiling. “Are you
ready for tomorrow?”
He doesn’t even see the need to
apologize. SMH.
“I’m ready,” I say.
“I got you something, just to say
congratulations on your first job.”
He’s provoking me by saying it’s a
first job, I’ve been a boss lady for over
10 years.
I open the bag and find headset and a
silver wrist watch. I’m not smiling, I
promise.
“This will help you wake up,” he says
putting the watch around my wrist.
“And this will keep you company, I
know women work better when
they’re listening to music.”
“Thank you so much.” I throw my
arms around him, in a wave of joy. It
turns out I’m hugging a madman, he
holds me for dear life and doesn’t let
go.
I manage to fight my way off. “You’re
so boring kodwa yazi.”
He smiles, “For what? You threw
yourself at me. Let me kiss a little bit.”
“Never!” I put back my gift.
I hope Luh is not writing on my wall
with his pens.
“I’m so proud of you though. You’re
the bravest person I know.”
“Says the cop, someone that sees the
most everyday. How many dead
people have you seen?”
He frowns. The topic changed too fast,
didn’t?
“I don’t know,” he says.
“Okay, how many have you killed?”
“I arrest killers, I’m not a killer.”
Obviously he’s lying, their job goes
beyond arresting criminals. They’re
contributers to the bad society, not
heros. If the police weren’t killers my
parents wouldn’t be dead.
“MaMthiyane, I’m still waiting for
your answer,” he says.
Can’t we talk about his job for longer?
“I’m still thinking,” I say.
“There’s a due date for everything and
you’ve skipped yours. My answer,
now.”
“Are you playing police officer on me
now?” He mustn’t try me.
“Namandla, come on. We are adults,
let’s try this thing and see how many
children comes out of it.”
“I was about to say yes and you gave
me a reason to change my mind. Do I
just look like a babymaker to you?”
“Your breasts are big and soft, my
children will be well fed,” he
continues.
Sigh. God is this the person you want
me to call my boyfriend?
“Leave Mhlengikhaya,” I say.
He smiles and blows me a kiss. “I will
see you in the morning.”
“In the morning?” I ask.
“Don’t I have boyfriend duty to drop
you off before heading to my station?”
“Did I say you’re my boyfriend?” I
ask.
“Your smile said it,” he says.
I fail to keep a straight face. It’s time
he leaves, for real. I chase him out of
the door, wanting to close the door
after him.
I don’t know how he turned and our
faces got so close to each other. His
lips are on me, my hand around the
back of his neck pulling him down to
me.
We are having our first kiss on broad
daylight, outside the door where
there’s a chance of someone seeing us.
I have turned down a lot of
relationships but his was just too hard
to resist. He said nothing new, many
have said the things he said to me.
Many have asked me to change my
life for them. He said the same things
as others but he sounded different. I
don’t know if it’s my traumas pushing
me towards him. He challenges me, in
more than one way. He makes me
angry and laugh in one minute. He
says things that make me hate him,
only for me to reconsider later and do
exactly what he said I must do.
He is the man he thinks he is.
CHAPTER 20

It didn’t feel like I was working,

simply because what I did in the
house Luh can make me do five times
here. It felt natural, my only worry
was Luh, I didn’t know if he was
settling in well at creche. But
MaGumede told me he only cried after
I left, then shortly mingled with other
children. I’m a proud mom, he’s
getting a reward. Cookies and ice-
cream. I have to reward good behavior
to motivate him to become a good
man in future.
Lerato and Sima are on their way.
They’re making a big deal out of my
new relationship. It wasn’t intentional
to confirm the relationship just a day
before I start my new job. I don’t
know, my stars just aligned and great
things came my way at the same time.
I like Mhlengikhaya more than I
thought I did.
“Is Luh going to behave in front of his
aunts today?” I ask.
“No,” he shakes his head.
I can’t force him to lie, unfortunately.
Both of them think he’s a brat but
what do they know about children?
Google says all toddlers are like this.
Being naughty is part of growth.
“If he behaves I will give him more
ice-cream,” I say.
He pushes his lips, pretending like
he’s about to cry. It’s what he does to
make me feel guilty for not dancing to
his tune.
“Are you going to run around?” I ask.
“No running,” he says.
“Good.” I give him one more
chocolate cookie and then return the
box to the kitchen.

The girls arrive looking jolly and

glamorous. I haven’t seen Lerato in a
bit, she’s glowing.
“Where are the headsets?” she asks.
“Yes, where are they?” Sima.
“It’s just headsets, nothing you two
have never seen before.” I fetch them,
my watch hasn’t left my wrist.
“So it was because of mere Volcano
headset?” They’re laughing.
It was more than a headset gift, they
know it, they just want to act like
fools.
“You guys already had your first kiss
and drove to work together?” Lerato.
“Yes, and he’s a good kisser,” I say.
“What about the package?” she asks.
“I didn’t weigh his package, we only
kissed.” Jeez, these girls.
“I don’t trust cops, they have a weak
D-game,” she says.
“But Ngcebo is not a cop.” Her
boyfriend is not good in bed, she
always complains to us.
“His grandfather was one, I think he
took after him. But we have toys to
boost our game. Do you think Mgenge
will allow you to have a toy?”
“I doubt but it doesn’t matter anyway,
he will be good.” I trust him.
“Why are we talking about sex. Let’s
hear from you, where were you and
how much did you make?”
“A lot, I’m probably the richest in this
room right now,” she says.
“And I’m the brokest, I have R650 in
my account,” I say.
“That’s the price of a “decent life”,”
she says.
“I think it will get better once you
receive grant from the government to
help you with his needs,” Sima.
“Hopefully I will hear from the social
worker again this week.” I have hope,
I pray every night.
“So you’re officially no longer the
night mistress?” Lerato asks.
“I think it's always going to be part of
my story. I mean, I have a permanent
gift from being Dollar’s night mistress.
But now my main goal is Luh and
focusing on the other things that make
me happy.”
“Mhlengikhaya, for example.” Sima is
being spicy. We laugh. Yes,
Mhlengikhaya is part of the things that
make me happy. I can’t wait for him
to come back from work.
Luh gets tired of playing alone and
joins us. He can sit on his own but I
like putting him on my lap and
carrying him in my arms when
walking.
I forgot to wipe his hands, there’s
chocolate from the cookies all over
them. He mistakenly touches Lerato’s
fake LV purse.
“I should’ve listened to my instincts
and left it at home. Luh you’re a
troublesome baby, do you know how
much this purse costs? Your mother
would have to sell her whole furniture
to lay-bye it.”
I roll my eyes and get a soft paper to
wipe it. I won’t lie and say I’m big on
discipline but Luh is better than other
children, especially the ones you find
at the clinic.
Lerato’s eyes turn to her vibrating
phone. It looks like she’s getting bad
news.
“Fuck!”
Cursing in front of Luh, really?!
“What happened?” Sima and I ask,
simultaneously.
“It’s Bhengu, your guy.” She says to
me.
I think she’s talking about the cuckold
Bhengu.
“Is it about the video?” I ask.
“Yeah, and it’s not money he’s
sending.” She shows us his text, it
doesn’t look good. He just told her to
go ahead and post the video, then
watch her back.
“Friend, I told you so. Just delete the
video and forget about him,” I say.
“Wait, what is this all about?” Sima
looks lost, I guess Lerato never shared
with her.
“It’s some stupid pastor from
Newlands, he thinks I’m going to be
scared. Ngiwumahosha mina, this is
going to Twitter right now.”
Is she crazy? Ngcebo can’t protect her,
even I can spinkick that guy to
Limpopo. My arm is bigger than his.
My own phone rings. It’s him, he
knows that I’m friends with Lerato
and I was with them that night.
“What must I say?” I’m now getting
involved in their mess.
“Say we don’t stay together and you
haven’t seen me since our fallout at
the hotel.”
I take a deep breat and answer.
“Can we talk?” he asks.
“Yeah, we can.” They’re dead quiet
next to me.
“Your friend from the other night.
How much would you want to give
me her information?”
My eyes pop out. “What? I’m
confused.”
“I need her information, it’s urgent.”
“Oh Lerato, she lives in town now
with her boyfriend. I don’t know
much about her since we fell out. I
don’t even have her number
anymore.”
“But can you find out for him where
she lives? I will compensate.”
“I would love to but I have a day job
now and a child to take care of.”
“Even if I make you an offer of
R5000.”
“No, I don’t want anything to do with
her. But good luck, I hope you guys
resolve whatever it is.”
By the time he ends the call my chest
is dry like a Kalahari desert.
“He offered me R5000 to give him
your location. You’re putting your life
in danger, friend.”
“I have dealt with dangerous people.
He’s going to fold, watch and learn. I
will post one minute of the clip and
hide his face, then wait for my money
to come in. If not, I’m exposing his
face.”
I look at Sima. Why is she so quiet?
Yes, we’ve all messed with our clients
in the past. Robbing them off their
jewelry, wallets and offering
insufficient services. But we watched
who we messed with. Rich people can
end your life within the drop of a hat.
CHAPTER 21

Love can make an idiot out of a sane

person. He’s back from work, we are
exchanging texts and a huge stupid
smile is stuck on my face.
“Luh wants the phone,” says the little
terrorist that I live with. In his mind
we co-own this phone.
“Later, go and watch TV,” I say.
He pulls a face. Sigh.
I text Mhlengikhaya; we will finish
this conversation in person. I’m seeing
him later, we are invited for dinner
since the last one didn’t happen.
Luh gets his phone and sits on cartoon
videos. On TV there’s also Spongebob
playing. If I switch it off he will make
a big deal out of it. So I watch his cute,
little face, that’s the only TV I have.
He looks up and smiles. “I’m going to
buy you a phone mommy, okay?”
As if I don’t have one already.
“Thank you, my love.” I kiss his
forehead and lie back on the couch.
.
.
.
I make a snack for him, I don’t want to
be that person who shows up with a
hungry child. I don’t overfeed him but
I make sure his tummy is not empty
before we leave. I put him in jacket
and carry a blanket, just in case he
needs a nap.
The door opens, his smile pulls from
the corners of his lips. I’ve been here,
he’s been to my apartment, but in
most cases we had disagreements and
our conversations ended with us on a
bad note.
Now we can hug, I can smile back at
him and let him hold my hand with
Luh on his other arm.
“How are your brothers?” I ask.
“It was a brother and a cousin, they’re
both fine. They will be here Saturday
night, you and Luh should join us.
Let’s make it a family union.”
“You told them that I’m a Karen, I’m
sure they’re scared of me,” I say.
He chuckles, “They know you’re not.”
“Do you come from a big family?”
“Kind of, but it’s big because of the
uncles and aunts, and their kids. I only
have two siblings,” he says.
“I don’t have any but I recently met
Mphile, our fathers had the same
mother.” I still haven’t decided if I
want to get to know Mphile or not.
She checks up on me regularly on
Whatsapp.
“Do you want to go back and maybe
get closure?” he asks.
“For now I want to focus on getting
my papers right and get registered as
Luh’s foster mom. Once that’s done
then I will make a decision.” I know
none of the relatives cared about me. If
they did I wouldn’t have been saved
by a neighbor and then grow up in
different strangers’ homes.
“Guess what?”
I look at him.
“I will be by your side through it all,”
he says.
“I’d really appreciate that.” I’ve never
had anyone to emotionally support
me. Yes, Lerato and Sima are good
friends. But they don’t go to bed with
me. They have their own ish to take
care of.
“I just need one thing from you,
MaMthiyane,” he says.
“What?” I feel like I know the
direction he’s going to take.
“Change your phone number and
delete social media,” he says.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because you have to focus on this
new chapter of your life. I don’t think
if you’re still in contact with your past
it’s going to be easy to move on.”
“I have self control, I don’t have to
erase my past, it will always be part of
who I am. But if that’s going to make
you comfortable then I will do it.”
“Thank you.” He kisses my cheek.
Luh looks at us. How do I explain this
to a three year old?
He falls asleep right after dinner,
Mhlengikhaya takes him to bed. It’s
late, both of us have work tomorrow.
But we there’s so much to know about
each other.
“Why did you move here?” I ask.
“It wasn’t my preference, I just
happened to find an apartment here.
I’m sure it was the way universe
wanted us to meet.”
“Is this how you met your ex-
girlfriends too?” I ask.
He chuckles, “No.”
“Do you have any that I should worry
about?” I ask.
“No, this is my first time dating a
dramatic queen,” he says.
“I’m not dramatic.” I say, my face
turning to his. His lips welcome me.
He gets more touchy and releases faint
moans.
We are both gasping for air when I
pull away. Looking into his eyes gives
me butterflies in the stomach.
“Thank you for trusting me. I won’t
disappoint you, I mean it when I say I
see someone I can spend my life with
in you.”
“If your family gets to know what I’ve
been doing for a living, do you think
they’d be accepting of me?”
“My uncle is a pastor but to be honest
with you, everyone in my family has
their own skeletons. They know better
than to judge anyone.”
“If you say so.” I don’t like being with
people who are not comfortable
around me.
“I love you, that’s what matters, not
what other people will think of you. I
should be the second important
person to you after Lungelo.”
“You are,” I say.
If my friends hear this, I’m dead.
CHAPTER 22

We have gotten used to our routines.

Every week day I leave for work, Luh
goes to creche. Today was my first pay
day, it feels different from any other
payment I’ve ever received. My Luh
has been a good boy, he adapted tol
quickly. That’s why I want to spoil
him rotten. I have learned to live
thinly- that’s how Lerato describes it. I
don’t eat out, I buy groceries and only
take Luh for ice-cream outings during
weekends. I haven’t bought new
clothes in two months. Luckily I can
do my own hair. I saved as much as I
could. From my salary I’m paying
rent, buying month grocery and
MaGumede’s school fees, then save
for transport just in case
Mhlengikhaya is not available one
day. Then I save the rest for medical
emergencies and electricity. I’m lucky
that I got to work for a decent family.
Mr Lwazi didn’t negotiate when it
came to payment. I signed a contract
and I earn for housekeeping and
taking care of their pets.

I came with a new pair of sneakers, he

wanted to take a bath right away. We
are getting ready for McDonald’s.
My phone rings. Officer Ncube?
It’s been ages since she called me.
“Namandla how are you?”
“I’m good Officer, and you?”
“I’m okay sis, I just received some
exciting news for you,” she says.
“Am I approved?” Those are the
exciting news I’m waiting for.
“No, but we have received a call from
the Mtsetfa family,” she says.
My heart drops heavily. It’s been over
almost three months since they were
looked for and begged to come
forward. I have settled down, Luh
calls me mommy and we have our
lives planned together.
“Are you still there?” she asks.
I take a deep, shaky breath. “Yes.”
“So they’ve reached out and they will
be coming to get Lungelo. I have
contacted the social worker handling
the case, a meeting will be scheduled.”
I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m about to
have anxiety attack again. Something
I’ve rarely had ever since Luh came to
my life.
“I will wait for your call,” I say before
she ends the call. My hands tremble,
Luh picks the phone from the floor.
Is it possible? Can they take him away
from me? I have already applied to
become his foster mom.
.
.

I called him but he was still on duty.

As soon as he gets home he comes
straight to me.
I have been holding back tears, I
couldn’t let Luh see that I’m broken.
As soon as he wraps his arms around
me, I break down.
“It doesn’t mean they’re going to take
him away,” he says.
“It’s his maternal family, they have
every right.” I just know the court will
favor them over me. I will lose Luh
forever, they will take him to Swatini.
“Please calm down, you’re a good
mother. You’re capable of taking care
of him better than anyone. We don’t
know how close they were to his
mother. They’re not going to get him
simply because they are related to his
mother. Remember he has a South
African nationality.”
“Do you think that’s going to count?”
“Definitely sthandwa sami, you’re not
going to lose him.”
That gives me a bit of hope. I don’t
want them not to have access to him.
No, he has a Mtsetfa blood in him. I
just want to raise him, God trusted
me with him, he chose me.
“Thank you,” I wipe the tears.
He continues to shield me until I’m
put together. Luh can sense that
something is wrong. He comes and
sits between us. This is my family.
This is what completes me. This is the
reason why I changed my life. The
reason why I wake up everyday with
purpose.
.
.
.
This whole week I felt empty.
Mhlengikhaya spent more time with
us. As much as I have tried to be
positive, it feels like my happiness will
be cut short anytime. I sent notice,
letting Mr Lwazi about my meeting.
It’s today, I’m going to find out
whether I’m losing Luh or not. I
wanted to dress up and glam my face,
and look like I mean shit. But I lack
energy, I just put on a shirt-dress and
sandals. Luh is the only one I dress up
smartly. He doesn’t know where we
are going. He’s happy, he thinks we
are going to town.
Lerato and Ngcebo pulls up to take us
to the social development offices. My
friends will always be there. I truly
appreciate how neither one of them
knew anything about taking care of a
child but as soon as I brought one,
they got their aunt’ing shit together.
Mhlengikhaya couldn’t be with me
because of work.
They drop us outside the offices and
then take a drive around while
waiting for me.

I’m scared, I don’t think I’ve ever been

this scared in my life. I’m directed to
the right office, as soon as we walk in,
Luh spots an old woman and runs to
her. They embrace and kiss. My heart
breaks at the sight of it.
“You must be Namandla?” the woman
smiles at me.
“Yes, I am.” I find an empty chair and
sit.
Officer Ncube is here, ganging with
the useless social worker and the
Swati family against me.
“I’m so grateful to you, my child. God
will bless you abundantly,” the
woman says. “I’m Nomonde’s aunt
who took Lungelo to his father. I’m a
bit ill, that’s why I gave him to his
father and returned home.”
She turns to the other lady. “This is
Nothando, she’s Nomonde’s half
sister. We had no idea that his father
died, we just discovered about the
DNA test results today. You must
have gone through a lot.”
“I did and I love Baby Luh. It came
from a place of love, a lot has
happened since Dollar died.” I’m cold,
even though they look like kind
people.
“We heard, it’s not that we ignored,
we didn’t know anything until last
week. And when Nothando saw it on
Facebook, she made calls quickly.”
I look at Officer Ncube, “So they’re
here to take him away?”
“I would like to raise my sister’s son. I
know you’ve probably bonded with
him, as I’ve heard you even applied
for foster care. You’re an amazing
person, that’s for sure. But I owe it to
my sister, I hope you understand.”
No, she can’t. Mhlengikhaya said she
can’t. Luh is my baby.
“For the court to continue with your
application, we need Nothando’s
consent written down,” says the
useless social worker.
“There was a 1 month notice for them
to come forward and they didn’t.
Doesn’t that count?”
“In this case they were in a different
country and they weren’t notified
about the child’s father’s death and all
that transpired after. I have to submit
all these things to court now. It
changes the case.”
“And who’s going to be favoured?’
I don’t get an answer.
CHAPTER 23
Nothando wants to take Luh from me.
She doesn’t care how far I’ve come
with this boy. How many changes I’ve
made to accommodate him in my life.
I didn’t need to but I did.
All she could’ve done is sign the damn
papers and let me continue raising
him.
I lost my cool in the meeting. I don’t
think I stand a chance again, I wanted
to fight her for taking away something
that’s so precious to me. It didn’t get
any better when Lerato arrived, there
was a huge scene outside the offices.
I’m not even going to tell
Mhlengikhaya about it. I don’t blame
Lerato, she saw how hard I worked
turning my life around for Luh. She
knows how much I love him.
Ngcebo says I must go back and
apologize for insulting Officer Ncube.
It’s probably what I should do but it’s
not going to change anything.
“If she dies on her way home, you will
get Luh,” Lerato says.
All her solutions include killing,
scamming and lying. I love her
though.
“I hope she dies in a car accident,” I
say.
“Come on girls, she’s just a loving
aunt. It’s way much better than losing
custody to strangers or Dollar’s
family,” Ngcebo says.
He’s right but now I don’t care, I’m
the only right choice for Luh. Those
two bitches are the reason why I’m not
going home with my son. All of a
sudden I’m a crazy woman.
Officer Ncube comes to the car and
asks for a private moment with me.
She’s on their side, I can see it.
“The way you behaved doesn’t suit
you. I understand that you’re
disappointed but that was not okay. If
I didn’t know you I would’ve put you
in cuffs.”
I take a deep breath. “I apologize.”
“I’m so sorry about this. Do you need
counseling?” she asks.
I laugh out loud. “So now I’m crazy?
When I was asked to keep looking
after him I wasn’t crazy.”
“You need to heal, right now you’re a
danger to him and to yourself. I
actually thought you’d be happy for
him. I thought all you cared about was
him finding a loving family.”
“It is what I care about,” I say.
“It doesn’t look like it, my love. Get
yourself together, Zanele will refer
you to a counselor.”
Wow, just wow.
“Can I talk to him for a minute before
I leave?” I ask.
She sighs, “Okay.”

We get back inside the office. I left

everyone traumatized earlier, now I’m
humble.
“Come here, baby.” I pull him off the
aunt’s lap, he looks confused now.
“I love Luh, I always will. And I’m
happy your grandmother and aunt are
here. Are you happy?”
He smiles and nods.
“Today you will not come home with
me because I have to get better, I’m
not feeling well. But I will pack all
your toys so that you can play at
aunt’s place.”
“Are you coming too?” he asks.
“No but soon I will visit.” I don’t think
this is how it should go. I don’t think
he had to be uprooted so abruptly
from the environment he’s been in for
months. It’s unfair to both of us and I
feel like the anger they’re concerned
about is just an excuse.
“Thank you,” Nothando.
I don’t talk to her, I only care for
Lungelo. I’m only doing this because I
want him to be okay. How I feel about
her haven’t changed.
.
.
.
Lerato left a bottle of red wine. It’s
open and half empty on the floor. I
keep pouring in a glass.
Mhlengikhaya walks in. It’s empty;
my apartment looks organized,
everything is in its rightful place. I’m
not shouting to anyone. There’s a
movie channel playing, not cartoons.
He knows what’s up. He picks the
glass and takes the wine bottle and
disappears to the kitchen. Then comes
back and sits next to me.
“What happened?” he asks.
“They took him,” I say.
“Why?” he asks.
“Because I showed signs of being
crazy and dangerous to him.”
He takes a deep sigh. “I should’ve
been there with you, I’m so sorry
sthandwa sami. But we will get him
back.”
“We won’t, his mother’s sister came
with the aunt. Their signatures are
needed for me to keep him and they
refused.”
He buries his face in his hands and
releases a deep sigh. I was sent my
counseling session appointment
details. It’s going to be free, that’s the
only reward I’m getting.
“How was he? Did he cry?”
“No, he remembered them, he was
happy to go.” It breaks my heart, I
won’t lie. But I can’t hold anything
against my Luh.
“How do you feel?”
“Broken, I don’t see what God is
keeping me for if he’s going to take
everything away from me.”
“Don’t talk like that.” He holds my
hand and plants a soft kiss on it. “I’m
begging you. Whether they take him
or not, you saved a child and gave him
beautiful memories. Lungelo’s
presence left a mark in your life and
maybe that’s what God brought him
for. You needed him as much as he
needed you and your roles in each
other’s lives have come to an end.”
“No!” I pull my hand back.
“Look at me, Namandla.”
I’m not looking at him, there’s no use,
he’s taken a side.
CHAPTER 24

I have no drive, I’m only here because

the family I’m working for is kind.
Luh was the reason why I wanted a
decent life. Now that he’s gone, I don’t
know what I want in life anymore.
Mhlengikhaya checks up on me every
hour. I appreciate his patience and
understanding, but I don’t think he
understands how deep my love for
that boy was. I feel so lost without
him.
Sima suggests that I continue with the
application and foster another child in
need. But my heart is specific about
Luh. I don’t want another child.
She calls me, I hope she’s not bringing
that up again.
“Friend where are you?” She sounds
breathless.
“Work, duh!”
“Ngcebo just called me, Lerato is in
the hospital,” she says.
“What? What happened?” I was with
her yesterday, she was fine.
“She was shot in town, coming out of
the hotel,” she says.
My whole body freezes. Shot? A girl?
Who shoots a girl?
“I don’t know if it was a client or
enemy. I’m on my way there, she’s in
Addington.”
“I’m still here for four more hours,
please keep me updated.” Can I get a
break?
I can’t lose my son and my friend at
the same time. God, you don’t hate me
like that, do you?
.
.
.
By the grace of God, the hitman
missed and only shot her arm. We’ve
had our back and forth with other
girls in the sex work. But nothing so
extreme has ever happened. I haven’t
had a chance to visit her, my work
hours clash with hospital visiting
hours. But as soon as I see her, we
need to reevaluate this life.
I’m coming home to an empty
apartment. Coming home gives me
anxiety, I hate my life so much right
now. I take a shower and rest on the
couch. I haven’t cooked since Luh left,
I eat sandwiches and cereals.

Someone knocks, I already know who

it is. It’s not locked, I yell for him to
come in. He’s carrying a lunchbox. I
hope it’s cooked food.
“Hello,” he walks in.
“Hey my good cop.” I sit up.
We share a kiss, he sits down.
“You look better today,” he says.
“My friend will be discharged soon,
that’s why,” I say.
“Any news from the social worker?”
“No, I’m not waiting for her call
anyway. Tomorrow I’m going to that
counselor thing they arranged, then I
will hit her up and find out where I
really stand.”
“You haven’t talked to Luh either?”
“No,” I shake my head.
“I’m really sorry, I wish I had power
to change this. I know how much you
loved him.” He kisses my lips and
wipes something from my cheek.
“You’re always so beautiful. Your skin
is milk and honey.”
I roll my eyes, “I wonder what you
want. You’re never kind for no
reason.”
“I just want you to come and say hi to
my uncle, he’s heard me talking about
this beautiful woman in my life too
many times. I want to shut down the
“find a wife” talk,” he says.
“When did he arrive?” I ask.
“About an hour ago, he’s just passing
by.”
“Do I have to dress up?” I ask.
“No, just come as yourself.” He helps
me put my shoes on. I will eat when I
come back.
I think him and my friends are the
only reason why I’m still standing.
He’s holding my hand, telling me
about how annoying his family has
been about him not having a partner.
I would’ve loved to meet his uncle
looking better and happier. But he’s
still going to see more of me. I mean, I
was titled umfazi waseMaGengeni.

He opens the door, we get in. I’m a

little nervous but he’s holding my
hand.
“Malume,” he says.
The man lifts his eyes. I stand frozen
next to him. Yes, the world is small,
but not this small. This is witchcraft.
What the fuck?
How come Bhengu is his mother’s
brother? The Bhengu that I’ve had
cuckold and threesome with.
CHAPTER 25

I sit in the office and stare at the

certificates adorning her wall. I’m sure
her parents are very proud of her. She
looks younger than I thought. I’m not
sure why I’m here. Isn’t this a place
people come to when they have
depression and suicidal thoughts?
I shift my eyes from the wall and look
at her. “Why am I here?”
She picks my file from her desk and
reads what it says. “The patient has
uncontrollable anger issues, problems
with communicating her feelings and
publicly begged a police official to run
over her with a car- suicidal attempt.”
“They took my son away, what do you
expect?” I hate explaining myself but
she can’t sit here and make me sound
like I’m crazy.
“Lungelo, the boy you applied to
foster. What kind of a child is he?”
I take a deep breath. “He’s kind, clever
and loving. He’s the sweetest little
human being I’ve ever met.”
“He sounds like a good child. I
understand why you’d be frustrated.
Do you always resort to violence when
angry?” she asks.
“Not really. I’m not too in touch with
my emotions. It was just this one
instance, I cared deeply for him.”
“Why are you not in touch with your
emotions?” she asks.
“It’s just how I cope. I let shit slide.
Sorry about language,” I say.
“Forgiven. Now tell me more about
how life has been with him.”
Where do I even start? Life has been
nothing short of amazing with Luh in
my life. From a night mistress who
had nothing to live for, to a mommy
with a day job and boyfriend.
She’s smiling as I take her through all
the ups and downs before Luh,
transitioning to this beautiful woman
who’s no man’s night mistress.
“Your eyes have a spark everytime
you mention your boyfriend,” she
notes with a smile.
I release a deep sigh. “That is also
history. I slept with his uncle, it was
business. But I don’t see him forgiving
me. So I have lost both of them.”
“Break-ups are only the end of
relationships. Just like separation.
They mark an end to two people’s
journey. Some people just come into
your life to play a seasonal role that
will carry you through life without
them. Lungelo was one of them. From
everything you said, his presence in
your life turned your life around for
the better. You might lose him but you
won’t lose the memories and all the
lessons his presence taught you.”
“I guess you are right,” I sigh deeply.
It’s going to take time for me to accept
it. But the reality is, he’s found his
family now, something I initially
fought hard to. Those people received
him better than Dollar’s family. I can’t
deny that they love him.
I wish she can advise me about my
relationship too. I told Mhlengikhaya
the truth about how I know his uncle.
He didn’t handle it well. His uncle left,
he walked me to my apartment and
went back to his. We haven’t spoken
since then. I know he’s hurt, any man
would be.
My session has ended, I have to go
back home to nothing. This is my life
now, I’m living this decent life for no
one. If I don’t learn to do things for
myself, to please me, I will never be
happy.
I scroll down my phone while waiting
for a taxi. I stop on Mphile’s number. I
want to know if she can accompany
me to the village to see my parents’
graves. Her phone is on voicemail, I
leave a voice message.
Then raise my eyes, a red Polo is
pulling up. Mhlengikhaya!
Is he sure about this?
I have a past. I have been a night
mistress to many, not just his uncle
and Dollar.
The window rolls down. “Let’s go
home,” he says.
……to be continued

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