Bad Boy Secrets 33 Secrets

Nice Guys Don’t Know But Bad

Boys Do
By Hank Melroy
My Sad Story of Desperation... And
How I Crawled Back From Ground
Zero

My story is pretty typical, but I will tell you anyway. In my childhood, I

was an anxious kid who never talked a lot and I also never belonged
to the cool kids in kindergarten and elementary school. My mother
was overprotective and always had an eye on me. I only had a few
other kids I could consider my friends. At this age, my interest in
women was limited to the exchange of lunchbox content. Innocent
times. And since my mother has been a good cook I was popular at
least at lunchtime. This should all change in high school when
hormones knocked at my door introducing a new guest called
puberty in my life. Unfortunately, puberty played all its magic on me.
Out of the blue, I developed a serious skin issue. My face looked like
a volcano landscape. Pimples of every imaginable size. Though, this
wasn’t enough, additionally my voice sounded like a duck with
genital herpes and on top of that I had an even for the 90s utterly
fatal clothing style (buzz words: green cord trousers, Batik shirt).
Even if I would have been a perfect conversationalist my hormone-
related looks would alienate me anyway. I didn’t feel very good about
myself, but I could live with it. But this shouldn’t last for long. I
remember exactly when I fell in love for the first time. It was at the
beginning of an English class. I simply looked at one of my female
classmates—a girl I saw many times before—and boom…
something hit me. First I didn’t know what it was because I’ve never
been in love before. From that moment I could never see women the
same way as before. I slowly realized that this is what people call
falling in love. But what now? I wasn’t popular at all and my severe
skin issue alienated me even more. Long story short, Three years of
watching her hanging around with the cool boys and silently hoping
some miracle would change my situation. Of, course I got no miracle
and no good fairy that turned me into a good looking popular kid
showed up neither. I suffered in silence till we graduated and I never
saw her again. The following years weren’t much better. The pattern
of falling in love with a particular woman that I put on a pedestal and
made her perfect in my mind repeated two more times. My skin
issues got a little better then, but my social issues increased year by
year. This whole cascade of idealizing a woman without knowing
how to actually get to know her destroyed the rest of my confidence
step by step. I felt so clueless and helpless about my situation that I
constantly thought about what could be wrong with me. My friends
couldn’t help either. They were just as clueless as me. Nobody I
knew personally had any skills with women. Sad but true. Over time,
I developed the belief that you are either born being good with
women or you have to accept your fate of being lonely. And as you
might know already, this is one of the worst beliefs a man can hold.
Everything changed as I enrolled in university. I arrived at the
campus as a frustrated virgin who couldn’t even get a date even if
my life would have depended on it. With no confidence and the
knowledge that I was tremendously behind in the sexual realm
compared to normal people, I hoped that on the campus my
problems would solve just by themselves. Though, reality laughs last
and especially about ridiculous beliefs. My first year went by without
any sexual incident and left me even more hopeless than before. In
my second year, things should change. I met Tim which was
probably the miracle I was praying for since and eternity. Tim was
moderately attractive, but he was one of these rare individuals who
seemed to connect to people very fast, especially with women. He
had an aura that drew others to him. Women lighted up every time
they saw him and engaged him into conversations. Women treated
me nicely as well at this time, but it was a whole different “nice”
compared to how they behaved towards Tim. On parties, he never
stood alone. He was surrounded by beautiful women always. It
seemed that he gave them something they were craving for. As you
can imagine, for me as a hardcore nice guy this looked like magic. I
saw him walking from parties and clubs with beautiful women that I
only could fantasize about. Anyway, for whatever reason—I can’t
explain it to this day—he liked me. He took me under his wings so to
say and introduced me to a world that has always been hidden for
me before. Slowly I began to see the pattern and I realized that there
might even be hope for a perfect loser like me. Among all the things I
learned from Tim the most life-changing was that nobody is born
being good or bad in attracting women. Since my dull puberty time, I
believed that I’m just not one of these men who can get the women
they want. And believing that you don’t have control over your life is
probably the most devastating belief one can have. Under the wings
of Tim, I went from the anxious nice guy that women didn’t notice to
needing an Excel file to schedule my women. The rest is history as
they say. It wasn’t always easy and I had to deal with many setbacks
and frustration, but that’s just how it is and how it should be.
Everyone who tells you something else is a fool or a slick liar. In this
book, I will tell you the secrets of attracting women like a bad boy
and how to get rid of the nice guy disease that women can smell
from miles away.
11 Inner Game Secrets
You probably heard the term Inner Game a lot and even if this
sounds a little old-school it is the basis of all success with attraction.
Inner game summarizes all internal beliefs about life, sexuality, and
women. This is the fundament everything else is built on. The nice
guy syndrome is basically an expression of inner issues and
conflicts. The symptoms can be manifold reaching from idealizing
women to feeling the need to please to not knowing what to say to a
beautiful woman. All the symptoms are a sign of boyish immaturity. A
man can be highly intelligent, eloquent, a business leader
responsible for multi-million dollar deals, a witty company, and a
reliable friend but as soon he interacts with a beautiful woman he
becomes a little boy again. The sexuality part of his development
bypassed the maturation process and, as a result, the nice guy holds
back the real man within him. And women will not accept any
immaturity no matter how successful a man is in other areas of his
life. If inner issues aren’t getting fixed, every technique and
everything you do will be marked with the smell of boyish immaturity.
We are going to find the roots of your inner nice guy and eliminate it
so that you develop a solid fundament that can stand the success
that will come.
Secret 1: You Are the Creator of Your
Personality As I started my journey with women
I believed that some men were just blessed with
a mystic attraction power that makes women fall
for them. I thought that some men just got it
while others were meant to spend life alone or
with those women nobody else wants. And
admittedly, I was right that some men seem to
have magic women-drawing skills, but the thing I
got terribly wrong spoiled some of the best years
of my life. I just didn’t get that there wasn’t
something wrong with me; I simply didn’t know
how to attract women. Only slowly did I realize
that people can change and alter their
personality to become who they want to be. An
Australian study with more than 8,000
participants found that personality can change
during lifetime. Another study found that people
who believe personality can change cope better
with stress and felt better about themselves.
Since decades, neuroscientists know that the
brain can change. Our behavior and
experiences shape neuronal pathways and
synaptic activity and therefore our brain. Neither
your brain nor your personality is meant to be
static. Anyway, a growth mindset is the starting
point of any change. We can change our
personality. Your personality is fluent and not set
in stone. Of course, there are limits to the
potential you can change your personality. If
you’ve been a very neat person who loves
orderliness you might won’t become a person
who feels comfortable in a chaotic mess.
Though, that’s not what we are talking about
here. Actually character is not a stable concept
and believing that is rigid will harm your
development big way. If you don’t believe you
can change you actually can’t change. Being a
nice guy aka sucking with women is a learned
behavior. If you do something for a very long
time you start to think that you are just that way.
If you are unsuccessful with women for a long
time this can become your identity. You believe
that you are a man who just isn’t successful with
women. You made this belief a part of your
identity and, of course, this will make it hard for
you to be successful with women. Acting stupid
around women became your default behavior
and you do it over and over again and you get
the same results as always, right? Though,
psychology indicates not seeing you in terms of
being but rather in terms of becoming. Thinking
“I’m poor with women” is a stable and
generalized thinking pattern. See your
personality as something that is in constant
change. If you’ve been bad with women all your
life then now is the time to change it. Many men
did it before you and many will become
successful in the future. So the first step to
getting successful with women is seeing your
personality as something that is changing
constantly and that you can shape. If you
change your habits and default behaviors your
personality will change as well. This is why you
have to free yourself from the concept of the
rigid thought that personality can’t be changed.
The first step of a change is the belief that you
can change.

Secret 2: Make Peace with Your Past

Many men struggle with their past. I did as well. I just couldn’t accept
that I was that unsuccessful with women as I was younger. It was a
constant pain in the ass for me. I just couldn’t let go of my past and
every bad thing that happened regarding meeting women. Though, I
and every other man who wants to become successful with women
needs to realize that you need to make peace with your past. We
have the natural tendency to linger around in our past wasting our
now with wishing it would have been different. However, no matter
how strong you wish that it would have been different, the present
will never change the past. What happened will always be
happened. If you are stuck in your past as well you know how this
feels, right? This feeling of helplessness and useless rumination.
You somehow know that it won’t help you a damn, but you still do it.
Maybe you think something like “If little Jenny wouldn’t have laughed
at me in school I wouldn’t have problems with women now.” If you
are familiar with thoughts like that you are in good company. A lot of
nice guys are stuck in their past living it over and over again. Bad
boys have a different approach to their past, though. They accept
their past and everything that happened to them for the sheer reason
that they can’t change the past anyway. And if you try to change
what can’t be changed is futile and a waste of energy. Acceptance is
hard but necessary, and you need to realize that acceptance is the
only thing that is left when there is no way to change something.
Make meaning of your past Don’t view your past as an excuse for
your failure with women or your negative emotions. View your past
as your unique starting point instead. A unique starting point that no
one else has. It’s the point you start your journey from. And in the
end it doesn’t matter that much where you come from, but only
where you go from there. This sounded uber-cheesy I admit, though
it’s still true. Don’t let your past determine your future. Take
responsibility over the man you will be in a year from now. Since
your decisions led you to where you are right now you may have to
admit that not all of your decisions regarding women have been
fortunate. Anyway, no matter how old you are or how bad you are
feeling right now you still can start making better decisions and build
a future that is way different than your past. Reading this book is
step towards taking responsibility for the story of your life. So,
however, bad you feel about your past let it go and don’t relive your
past again and again. Don’t let it happen that your past spoils your
future. Make better decisions in the now. My past was a place of
regret and bitterness and I realized that this is not a good place to
live, don’t you think? Remember, he who walks with his head turned
around will never know where he will arrive.
Dealing with your past in a nutshell:
1) Accept your past and everything attached 2) Find meaning in
your past
3) View your past as your unique starting point 4) Take
responsibility for your future.

Secret 3: The Truth about Your Looks

The question if looks do matter for men when meeting women is a
die-hard one in the dating advice department. Opinions reach from
the one end that looks is the one and only criterion for dating
success all the way to looks don’t matter at all. Though, black and
white thinking is as inappropriate here as it is for most affairs in life.
The truth might be found somewhere in the middle; in the gray area
between the extremes. What is commonly known is that beauty is
the most important factor for women to attract a man. Men are
evolutionary “programmed” to prefer females that are fertile in order
to increase the own reproductive success and since female’s fertility
is correlated to a multitude of physical cues, men are hard-wired to
respond to particular physical signs that indicate high fertility. For this
reason the question if beauty is important for courtship is rather
simple to answer for women. However, when it comes to the
importance of your looks as a man, things become a little more
differentiated. Mass media like movies, magazines, novels etc. tell
us their version of the truth about how a man should look like to be
successful with women. The tall man with the six pack and the big
biceps who owns a company and drives a Porsche gets all the girls
while the short, pale, skinny nerd stays alone. We are prone to
swallow this version of reality because media’s opinion offers a
simple explanation for a fairly complex question. And people don’t
like it too complicated, do they? Anyway, to shorten this up—yes
your looks does matter. When a woman meets you she imagines you
being in her life. She imagines herself walking down the street or
going to social gatherings with you and how it would be introducing
you to her friends and so on. And of course, she doesn't want to be
seen with an awkward looking crank. So does this mean the short,
balding chump who doesn’t look any close to a GQ model is
condemned to never get the women he desires? Not so fast. You
already learned that your looks as a man is not that important for
attraction as beauty is for women. Though, for you, looks matter in a
different way. I’m not a big fan of oversimplifying things, but please
allow me to do so for our purpose. Plainly spoken, women have
three categories they sort men in. The first category is the “Hell-no”.
Once a man ends up in this category there’s barely a chance to turn
the tables. The second category is the “Oh-yes” category. If you are
in that mental category she will definitely give you a chance to flirt
with her and even actively tries to meet you. Ok, the “Hell-no” and
the “Oh-yes” categories are the end poles. The third category,
though, is the interesting one. The “Maybe” category is where most
men fall in initially. A woman sorts a man (subconsciously of course)
in the “Maybe” category when she doesn’t feel enough emotions—
either positive or negative—to decide for or against him. In the
“Maybe” category, you can either get in the “Oh-yes” category, which
will be your goal, or to the place of no return, the “Hell-no” abyss.
This, of course, is very simplified, but it will help you to understand
the role of your looks. There might be some reasons men fall into the
“Hell-no” category from the first second on because the fastest
accessible criterion is looks. However, this doesn’t mean a man has
to be able to win a Ryan Gosling look-alike contest to pass the
border to “Maybe” land. A German research team tested the
hypothesis that humans are not looking for the maximum
attractiveness, but rather try to avoid great unattractiveness. With a
variety of methods, the researchers found that we rather try to avoid
ugliness then to seek for maximum beauty. Participants of the study
were shown a set of nine pictures of faces on a screen. Their task
was to decide whether one of the faces differed significantly from the
rest regarding its attractiveness or all displayed faces are being
nearly equally attractive. The reaction time the subjects needed to
decide was measured. The results showed that reaction time was
significantly lower when one face was more unaesthetic than the rest
compared to trials including an above average attractive face. In
other words, ugliness was more “screaming” than massive beauty. In
the course of their investigations, they used several other methods
obtaining similar results that support the notion that avoiding signs of
ugliness is more important than being super handsome. Anyway,
your looks play a role but not in the way that you need to be the most
handsome man to get hot women. What is unequally more important
is that you avoid signs of ugliness that catapult you into the “Hell-no”
category instantly. How do women judge a man’s appearance? In
other words, what do you need to avoid to not get sorted into the
“Hell-no” category. The number one important thing for women when
it comes to your appearance is simply grooming. Being groomed is
the Alpha and Omega of your physical appearance. If you don’t care
about your looks a woman will notice and judge you for it. Here are
some major flaws that are indicators of ugliness that women (and
humans in general) will recognize and use to sort you out. Filthy
clothes Uncleaned teeth Long hair crawling from your nose or ears
Odd haircut Dirt under your nails Untended beard Funny odor (can’t
be seen but it belongs to your appearance) Unfitting clothes
Basically, a woman wants to see from your looks that it’s somewhat
important to you how you appear. That doesn’t mean you need to
have a manicure every other week or to pay $100 dollars for a shirt.
Simply, don’t neglect the details of your looks, woman will notice.
Since being unkempt is the new ugly, at least in the female’s mind,
grooming is inevitably for attracting women. And all the things on the
list above are easy to fix, but will have a huge impact. Well, if you are
really, I mean really good in attracting women, you might get away
with some major optical flaws, but why should you risk getting
dumped for something that you can fix easily? What about muscles,
overweight, trendy hairstyles, fancy clothes etc.? Having good looks,
for societal standards will not hurt you with women. Women like the
handsome, cute guys and they like muscles and a considerable outfit
as well. Though, all these things are rather accessories than must-
haves. Sure, there might be exemplars of the opposite gender who
would only date a 6”2’ or taller man who is ripped and wears tailored
clothes and if you can’t offer her that you might don’t have a chance
with her. But do you really want a woman like that Anyway, grooming
is the number one thing to do, the rest is a bonus. I’m not saying that
you shouldn’t go to the gym, build muscles, lose weight or get the
latest haircut. These are honorable goals and can improve your
confidence and self-respect, but if you only do it because of women
then you are playing a losing game. Avoiding the major signs of
ugliness is key, but also enough to be prepared for the dating game.
Fitness, nutrition, hairstyle, proper dressing are important topics for
attractive men, though are beyond the scope of this book and my
expertise. If you think you need some more information about these
topics, there are plenty of books, videos, blogs or coaches that can
provide you with quality information regarding these domains. Bad
boys never shy away from seeking help and support, so it’s no
shame to educate yourself in these areas.

Secret 4: Don’t Make Women Your Center

Have you ever made a particular woman the
center of your life? Have you ever neglected
things in your life that are important to you
just to please a woman? If so, you are in good
company. Almost all man, me included, have
done this and wondered why making a woman the
center of our life didn’t pay off. You did
everything to please her, skipped you training,
for instance, or neglected your friends just to
be with her. You tried to meet all her needs and
you were eager to fulfill her every wish.
Sounds fairly romantic, right? Every romantic
movie and novel would suggests being the real
gentleman and knowing her wishes before she
does. Though, reality is a little different as
you might already sense. The edge between
romance and devotedness is thin like a razor
blade. Anyway, women may think and even say
that they want a man who fulfills every wish
before even stated or a man who is totally
devoted to her. Though, what we think we want
and what we actually want are sometimes two
separate stories. There are exceptions to
everything but, in general, women want a man
who has an own life. What does it mean to have
an own life? If you’ve ever read The Way of the
Superior Man by David Deida you might be
familiar with the idea that a man needs to find
his purpose in life. A man needs to know
towards what he is heading in life. He has to
have something bigger in his life than his woman.
David Deida puts it that way: “If a man
prioritizes his relationship over his highest
purpose, he weakens himself disserves the
universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic
man who can offer her full, undivided
presence.” My book is not a how-to guide to
finding your purpose in life, but finding your
purpose is one of the essential steps to
manhood and integrity. Finding your purpose
can be, and most likely will be, an enduring and
sometimes straining process and the way to
finding your purpose will not be found within
this book. Just so much for our topic, if you
think you need a woman to be fulfilled or try to
fill the emptiness in you then chances are bad
that a woman will do it. A man who has a
purpose in life is just for that reason alone a
highly attractive being and women will sense if
you have a purpose (even if it’s not your life’s
purpose). Making a woman the center of your
life will rarely have a positive impact on your
relationship. Women are a part of your life, not
the center. Making the woman the purpose of
your life will likely ruin the relationship you
have with her. You might ask yourself why I’m
talking about relationships here since you
don’t’ have or don’t want to have one; you want
to learn how to attract women. Legitimate
objection, though approaching, attracting,
seducing women and having a relationship with a
particular woman are no separate things. All
are a part of the same process. It’s easy to
understand that your ability to spark
attraction in a woman will affect the possibility
to have a relationship with her. If you can’t
make women attracted to you in the first place
it is rather unlikely to get her in any form of
relationship. So, the “earlier” link of the
courtship chain impacts everything that
follows. What is comparatively harder to grasp
is that the way you would live a relationship
with a woman can impact the earlier stages of
the courtship process. A man who has no other
purpose than to have a girlfriend and would use
her to fill his emptiness will telegraph his
neediness in everything he does with women.
Finding, or in this case not having found a
purpose in life can cause a variety of issues
that will harm your ability to attract a woman.
A bad boy knows that women are an important
and pleasurable part of life, but he also knows
that making the pursuit of women or a
particular woman to his center would only be
an act of inauthenticity and disregard of his
life that would lead him away from his core and
from being successful in attracting women.
Since not having a purpose is the root of a
multitude of nice guy issues the following
chapters address some of these bad
descendants of women-centeredness and how
you can handle them the bad boy’s way. Before
you leave this lesson I highly recommend that
you get your hands on a copy of The Way of the
Superior Man. If you’ve already read it you
know, and if you haven’t yet you will see, that
this is one of the best and most influential
books ever written on this topic.

Secret 5: Develop a Social Mindset

Here is something every man who is successful with women knows.
You can’t be good with women without being good with people. This
is key to understand. If you want to develop bad boy women skills
you need to be social with people in general. Bad boys are social in
general and talking to women is “just” a byproduct of their social
attitude. It’s foolish to believe that you can become a rockstar with
women without having to become better with people in general. It
would be the same as to say you want to be a better runner without
improving your general fitness. If once your default mindset is social
talking to women won’t feel creepy or unnatural anymore because
you talk to anyone anyway. Talk to everyone and establish a social
behavior where talking to women is natural to you just because it’s
natural to communicate with people. Use every chance to get social
and start conversations with everyone. Talk to the person behind you
when you are standing in the queue in the coffee shop. Talk to the
salesperson when you are in the mall. Talk to your taxi driver or to
the person waiting with you for the bus. At a party, talk to the guys as
well. Opportunities to get social are plenty just keep your eyes open.
To develop a social mindset you can do some exercises, I will give
you. 1) Don’t think negative about others. Thinking negative about
others kills your attempts to be more social. If you see someone and
your first thoughts are something negative like “what a poor haircut”
or “this person is surely fairly stupid” you lower your chances to talk
to that person dramatically. Sure, you don’t need to like anyone,
though, when you program your mind to think negative about others,
socializing will be harder than it should be. To avoid this, first, don’t
follow negative thoughts about others. If negative thoughts show up,
which can be natural when you used to do this for a long time, stop
these thoughts and don’t build upon them. Try to find something
positive, something you genuinely like about the other person. May it
be a piece of clothing, the voice, an opinion, their odor—everything
is good enough. Now focus on that positive feature you found and
replace the negative thoughts. You will instantly feel the difference
and you are much more eager to start a conversation. 2) Do
something good for others. I hope that doesn’t sound too cheesy or
boy scoutish. Though, don’t worry is a pure egoistic thing. Helping
others is the best possible way to develop a social mindset. And
when I say help I don’t talk about saving lives or doing something
heroic. Simple things are enough. Holding the door open for
someone, paying the coffee for the person standing behind you in
the coffee shop or having a few nice words for someone who seems
cheerless will be enough. Small things are enough but will have a
huge impact on your social mindset. Helping others sounds like
being a good Samaritan but not like a bad boy. Right, at least
superficially. Don’t forget a bad boy isn’t sexy and desirable because
he has poor ethics and a foul character. It’s rather the opposite. A
bad boy combines social intelligence and selected kindness with
elements of rebelliousness, danger, and autonomy. So don’t shy
away from helping others. You will be surprised how this alone will
boost your confidence and people skills. Finally, communicating with
strangers should become the default setting of your mind. When
socializing becomes your second nature you won’t feel odd when
you approach a woman and in turn it won’t feel strange to her as
well.

Secret 6: Anticipate Success

Our mind is an anticipation machine. We always anticipate a
possible outcome of a situation before it even happens. This preview
can harm your success with women if you let it run on autopilot. The
human mind is programmed to anticipate a negative result and
especially the nice guy’s mind is trained to forecast the worst
scenario possible. If you see a woman you would like to approach
what’s the first picture your mind gives you? Do you see her reacting
positively to your approach? Do you see her smiling and giggling?
Do you see yourself on a date with her or kissing her? If so, you
might don’t have much difficulty with approaching girls. However,
normally we don’t have such positive previews when we think about
walking over to a woman, right? Every time I wanted to approach a
woman my mind provided me with horror sceneries. I saw me getting
laughed at and ridiculed and thought that everyone would look at me
with a pitiful smile. Of course, if you have such a negative picture in
your mind talking to women becomes something horrific. And guess
what, a negative preview of the situation will lead to anxiety, sweaty
palms, shaky knees, a thin voice, and every other thing that hinders
us acting confidently around hot women. Negative forecasting is
worse when it happens in specific situations, but it can be disastrous
on an identity level. If you believe you aren’t good with women or
don’t deserve being with hot girls, this is a burden on your way to
success with women. Let’s get a little psychological for a moment
and see how negative anticipation on an identity level can ruin your
chances with women. The human mind is constantly seeking for
congruency. In other words, your beliefs and anticipations will form a
certain reality—your reality. We all may live in on the same planet,
but all of us have subjective realities. If you anticipate that you are
not interesting and women will find you boring this very expectation
will become part of your reality. Your expectation will become like a
filter and you will start seeing everything through this filter. Due to the
need of consistency you will interpret everything around you so that
it is in alignment with your internal anticipation. If you believe that
women find you boring it’s likely that you will interpret all of her
reactions that particular way. You will be scared if she yawns
because you think you are too boring for her. If you’ve created a
deprecating reality for yourself and you anticipate failure it’s like that
you will reap failure. Even if this sounds highly philosophical it isn’t
hard to understand. Don’t let reality just happen to you—choose your
reality. Create a beneficial reality through positive anticipations and
expectations. If you change your reality and your beliefs your outlook
on life will change as well and therewith your result with women.
Before others will see you as a great man you need to see yourself
as a great man first. Others will see in yourself what you see in
yourself. I hope this doesn’t sound too magical, but your beliefs you
hold about yourself and your expectation tell people how they should
treat you. If you anticipate that you don’t have any chance with a
particular hot woman she won’t give you a chance. You will
unconsciously behave in a way that will communicate her that you
don’t deserve a chance with her to make the reality congruent to
your beliefs. Your beliefs about the reality will become reality. A bad
boy knows that he needs to take responsibility for his reality and
beliefs. And to end this chapter, here are some words from Hank’s
treasure chest of quotes. Reality is what YOU make of it.

Secret 7: Love Your Failure … and Then Get

Rid of Them What is failure for you? Getting
rejected, not kissing her at the first date?
Anyway, I don’t want to be negative but you will
fail from time to time. Failure is a part of life
and whatever you do failing can be the result.
Though, the nice guy, or average man, has a
different perspective on failure than the bad
boy. If you want to become good with women you
will need to learn to deal with failure. I show
you the perspective of a bad boy on failure and
how you can turn the fear of failure into
motivation. 1) Accept failure as a necessary
part of the journey. Nothing you ever started
or tried in your life went smoothly all the time.
A bad boy knows that failure is inevitable when
you want to leave average land and go for what
you really want. Remember your first ride on
the bike. You may fell down here and there, got
some scrapes but you stood, shook up the dust
and jumped on the bike again. Failure is the
Siamese twin of success—so accept to fail. 2)
You will recover from failure much faster than
you think. We often avoid doing things we
should do because we think that if we fail we
will suffer a long time from it. Though, this is a
cognitive bias which in psychology is called the
impact bias. It basically describes the tendency
to overestimate the intensity and the duration
of a negative event. We tend to think that if X
or Y happens the emotional pain will be intense
and long-lasting while in most cases negative
emotions don’t peak as high as estimated and
decline much faster than expected. I hope you
see why knowing this is important on your way
to becoming a badass with women. In the
process of getting good with women, there will
be a lot potential to fail and if you are not
aware of the impact bias you will likely miss
many chances because you think that you will
not be able recover from failure. 3) Nobody
cares about your failure. Ever didn’t approach
a woman you were interested in because you
feared to look like an idiot if you get rejected?
If yes, you are in good company, if no, stop
lying. Humans by nature have the urge to
appear in the best light even among total
strangers. We somehow do care what
strangers, that we will never see again, think
about us. We don’t approach the girl on the
street when we think others are watching. We
are victims of the spotlight effect. The
spotlight effect is another cognitive bias if you
will so. It distorts our perception in a way that
we overestimate our impact on the lives of
others. We think that others (especially
strangers) care about us much more than they
actually do. In our evolutionary background,
we never developed a mental concept of
anonymity because humans used to live in small
tribes that didn’t allow anonymity. This
program of the evolutionary autopilot can
harm you big way if you avoid talking to girls
because of your social environment. Bad boys
know that people are much more ignorant to
what you are doing then you think. You are not
the center of attention and not every stranger
cares about whether you approach the girl or
not. Others just don’t care about you. This
sounds hard, but it also relieves you from the
self-made social pressure. And even if they see
you approach, why should you care about them.
They are strangers why should you give them
power over your life? Even when they see you
getting an apocalyptic rejection they won’t
think about it much. They have their own shit
going and own lives to live. And if they really
enjoying your rejection than what kind of life
do they lead? 4) View failure as a source of
wisdom. All great men went through the school
of failure. Even if it’s painful to fail you will
get invaluable lessons. Failure is a better
teacher than success. Those who never failed
have never really tried. What do you think
would be a better life? A life full of action
and failure or a life of regret because you have
never really tried? I don’t know about you but
I, without a doubt, would say trying and failing
is damn much better than spending life on the
safe side. Men who are successful with women
don’t fail less than unsuccessful men, but they
learn more. 5) Put failing in the right
perspective. The pain of failing will not last
that long, but the lesson you get are valuable
for the rest of your life. Free yourself from
the burden to believe that failure means
weakness or being a loser. That’s not what it is.
Not everything will go smoothly from the
beginning and as on every road there will be
stumbling blocks and you going to struggle
here and there. But at the end what does a
single setback mean in the path of your life?
Keep the journey in your mind not the single
moment of failure. In the end, it’s not what you
get that shapes you as a man but what you do.
6) Don’t identify with your failures. That’s
maybe the most important when it comes to
failure management. Nice guys tend to identify
with their failures and so their inability
becomes who they are. They think they are a
failure and form an identity for themselves
which makes them view them as someone who
fails with women. If you get a bruise when you
do sports you wouldn’t identify with your
injury, right? You wouldn’t say I’m a guy who
gets injured when I do sports, would you? The
bruise is a part of you, something that happened
along your sportive activity. The same way
failure with women may it be rejection, flaking,
being ditched, are things that happen along the
way of becoming successful. Don’t make this a
part of your identity. A musician who plays a
wrong note here and there can still be a great
musician. Identify with your goal to become the
man you want to be and not with your failures
or successes. The bad boy failure mindset in a
nutshell 1) Accept that you fail – It’s part of
the process 2) The pain of failure is only
temporary – It declines fast 3) Nobody cares if
you fail – Others fail as much as you do 4)
Take the lesson – See failure as your guide 5)
Focus on the whole journey – Setbacks are
only temporary 6) You are not your failure –
Don’t make an identity of your setbacks.

Secret 8: Discover Your Motivation Style

When you can’t motivate yourself to take
action again and again you won’t make it far
with having success with women and in life, in
general. Motivation is key when it comes to
changing your life. Though, people are
motivated in different ways. Fortunately,
motivation can be broken down into two
separate mechanisms. Most people are either
drawn to an achievement or motivated by
avoiding pain. Gain more or avoid loss—these
are the basic two. Sure, we all are motivated by
both sources, though one is usually more
dominant than the other. Positive Motivation
Therefore, it’s crucial to know what your basic
motivation is so that you can make use of it.
Being motivated by gain is called positive
motivation. If you are majorly driven by gain you
are a positive motivation type. Positive
motivation is when you do something because you
want a reward. For example, if you learn for a
test because you want a good mark so that
others will admire you or that you increase
your chance to go to a better university.
Negative Motivation On the other hand,
negative motivation is driven by the need to avoid
pain or loss. People who are the negative
motivation type fear a certain outcome they
want to avoid. To use our example again,
negative motivation would be when you want to
get a good mark because you don’t want to get
trouble with your teacher or parents or to
avoid getting ridiculed by others. Avoiding a
negative outcome is the major concern of the
negative motivation type. What type am I? First,
to avoid a wrong interpretation, the term
“negative” motivation doesn’t mean that this
kind of motivation is inferior to the positive
style. Both styles can work equally well,
negative in this case, only means that avoidance
is more important than achievement. As you read
the example above you might already feel
slightly more familiar with one of the two
styles. A good way to get more clarity about
your motivational style is to imagine two
scenarios. Both scenarios start with you seeing
an attractive woman you want to approach. In
the first scenario imagine what positive
outcomes could happen when you would have
the balls to walk over to her. Imagine the two
of you having a hilarious conversation, imagine
her laughing and having the time of her life.
Vision yourself kissing her and imagine
everything you want to do with her. Further,
envision how confident you will feel when you
have the courage to do it and how your friends
will envy you. Now the second scenario. Imagine
what negative outcomes could occur if you
don’t get to know her. Imagine you lying in your
bed at night alone full of regret that you
didn’t take your chance to meet a super-cute
girl. Imagine that some other man approaches
her and gets everything you wanted. Think
about how your life will be when you don’t take
action. See yourself spending your life in
loneliness and desperation. Obviously the first
scenario is the positive motivation and the
second describes negative motivation. Now take
a little time and feel in you to see if you can
sense which of the two stories resonates more
with you. I definitely respond more to negative
motivation. The thought that I’m responsible for
the man I’m going to be in the future and that I
don’t want to spend my life in regret does it for
me most of the time. Figure out what triggers
you to take action. If you find a vision, thought,
or claim that works for you, straining your
willpower to meet girls will become
superfluous. Bad boys don’t necessarily have
more willpower than nice guys they just know
how to motivate themselves. And that’s up to
you now. You need to find your own motivation
triggers. For me imagining myself looking in the
mirror into the eyes of a man who lost respect
for himself and who is full of regret is a scary
future that I want to avoid at all cost. This is
clearly a negative motivation pattern, though
again find out what works for you.

Secret 9: Stand By Your Sexuality

In my nice guy times, I constantly tried to hide my sexual intent when
I was talking with an attractive woman. The thought that she could
sense that I had sexual feelings for her mad me feel totally uneasy. It
somehow felt wrong to pursue a woman sexually and in my nice guy
mind I thought women would be offended when she would know how
I really felt. Society taught us that we should treat women with the
utmost respect and never as a sexual object, right? And I agree
women should be treated with the same respect you claim for
yourself. Though, desexualizing might have gone too far. Not being
totally in connection with the own raw sexual instincts is common in
nice guys. Showing sexual interest has become something guilty or
even impolite for men. However, women are sexual beings just as
you and what I say next will enrage all hardcore feminists and I might
get some… let me say it gently, unfriendly emails. Anyway, I hazard
the consequences. So here it is. Women DON’T want to be reduced
to their personalities only. Sure women like it when you care for them
as a person and I in no way advice to see women as a walking
vagina, that’s not what I’m talking about. Though, every man who is
good with women understands that a woman wants to be seen as a
sexual being. If a woman senses that you are not comfortable with
your own or her sexuality she will not consider you as a man for her.
Accept your sexuality as something natural that is a part of your
being and start seeing women as sexual beings again.

Secret 10: Master the Fear of Rejection Hey

Hank, I bought your book because I though you
teach me how to get tons of women on my lap
without ever getting rejected. If this was your
hope with this book than I have to disappoint
you big way. You better return this book, take a
tissue and cry. Anyway, I actually don’t think
that you are the type of guy who wants the
prize without the work. You are not a spoiled
brat, are you? I will tell you why rejection
isn’t a burden and how it will help you to
become a more mature man. Are you ready? The
fear of rejection is doubtlessly the most
common and most talked about fear men have in
the whole journey of becoming better with
women. However, approaching and, therefore,
risking a rejection is inevitable. If you had the
hope that I teach you some black magic that
makes women jump on your dick without ever
approaching, I need to disappoint you. Sorry.
Though, I will teach you how you can deal with
your anxiety of getting rejected. Facts about
the fear of rejection 1) The fear of getting
rejected is normal and not a sign of weakness
or lack of confidence. Only psychopaths and
total weirdos don’t fear rejection. Dozens of
psychological studies have shown that humans
respond very sensitive to social exclusion.
Brain imaging studies even found that social
rejection elicits activity in the area that is
responsible for physical pain. In other words,
our body thinks we get harmed when we receive
a rejection. Therefore, it’s easy to understand
why we fear rejection. Humans are specialized
in pain avoiding and fear is a response that
should hold us back from doing something that
could cause pain. Though, over the course of
our evolution we became hypersensitive towards
pain and the according fear response. Our fear
mechanism warns us whenever the slightest
chance of pain could occur according to the
motto too much fear is better than once too
less. This is why approach anxiety is the most
widespread topic among men who want to get
better with women. 2) The fear of rejection
will never go away completely. The fear of
social rejection will never diminish entirely and
that’s nothing bad. I don’t know a single man,
no matter how good he is with women, who
doesn’t feel at least a little uncomfortable
when approaching a woman. It’s not the aim to
eliminate rejection anxiety completely but to
teach you how you can handle it. Trying to
eliminate the fear of rejection is as useless and
unnecessary as trying to eliminate the urge to
visit the toilet. Rejection fear is too engraved
in our mind the same way we are hard-wired to
fear loss. So this is what you need to get. Bad
boys don’t have less anxiety than you, they just
have learned how to handle it. And you will
learn it too. How to Deal With the Fear of
Rejection 1) Accept your fear. That sound
counterproductive I know. Though, it just
doesn’t make any sense to fight your natural
fear. We talked about acceptance before but I
need to bring it up again because it’s just so
important on your journey. Accept the fear of
rejection as a part of your being and as a sign
of healthy mental functioning. However,
accepting your fear doesn’t mean that it should
take control over your life. Accepting isn’t the
same as giving up. Acceptance is just a better
starting point to handle your fear. The same
way, you can’t fight your urge to pee, but you
can handle it so you can live with it. Know that
you can handle your fear of rejection and
accept it as a part of the process. 2) Rejection
won’t affect you as much as you think. We
touched this earlier already. We overestimate
the intensity and duration of negative events.
Our affective forecasting is hypersensitive and
mostly inaccurate. You might think that you will
never recover from rejection and that you will
be down for months. This is a rather natural
assumption especially for guys who don’t get
rejected on a regular basis. If you don’t get
rejected, though, and just think about it how it
going to be when a woman rejects you, you will
live in a self-made reality. A reality that is
formed by your beliefs but lacks any real
experiential backup. These nice guy realities
will strengthen the fear of rejection further.
So when you start getting real rejections you
will replace your immature “reality” with
“real” reality. Who never got rejected
shouldn’t even spend a single thought about
how it feels getting rejected. Whatever you do
don’t overestimate the negative impact of
rejection of on your mood. 3) Rejection has
nothing to do with you. All too often when a
woman rejects you it has nothing to do with
you. There are dozens and even hundreds of
reason a woman rejects a man and most of the
reasons have nothing to do with you, but rather
with her. Since women don’t evaluate male’s
mating value by sheer appearance you won’t
have much value when you approach her and so
it will be easy for her to reject you for any
reason. Think about it this way. Let’s say you
are in a very bad mood, your day sucks and you
feel sick. Now a hot woman hits on you. Even if
you don’t feel well you wouldn`t reject her
because she has high mating value (telegraphed
by her looks) and it would feel like a loss if
you’d send her away. For women, this is
different. If she is in a bad mood or feels ill
you will get rejected. A clash with her best
friend, trouble at work, no time for makeup in
the morning, a failed exam, obstipation and many
more reasons can cause a rejection and none of
these has to do with you as a person. You just
can’t know what’s going on in her life at the
time that makes her unreceptive for any
romantic attempts. Don’t refer rejection to
your person because you just don’t know
what’s going on with her. Sure, you should do
you best to have a solid approach (more on that
later) and you can improve your approach
further, but sometimes the best approach in the
world wouldn’t be successful. Sometimes the
approach is so amateurish that she needs to
reject the man, but in many cases it hasn’t to do
anything with the man. 4) You check her out not
the other way around. Most men look as if they
would go to their own execution when they
walk over to a girl. They approach with the
idea in mind that they introduce themselves in
order to get evaluated by the woman. Not hard
to guess that thinking like that will ramp up the
nervousness because they think they are in a
testing situation where they present themselves
and fearfully await the judgment of the woman.
With this mindset, approach anxiety and the
fear of rejection is inevitable. No wonder that
the conversation will be stiff and unnatural.
Nobody feels on ease when they expect to be
judged, right? Now, to avoid this try to adopt a
different mindset. Don’t approach with the idea
that you will be getting judged, but rather that
you are about to judge her. Of course, judging
isn’t my favorite term her. I would say that you
walk over to her to see how she is and if you
like her. If she responds rude or ignorant to
your approach (assuming it is a proper
approach) don’t get upset and be glad instead.
You found out that she isn’t the type of woman
you want to hang out with. You saved a lot of
time and effort and you can focus on finding
another woman who isn’t socially retarded.
Next her. 5) She can’t reject you. Actually,
you can’t get rejected because she doesn’t
know you at all. The only thing she knows
about you might be your looks and your opening
line. And if she rejects you that’s the only
thing she can reject. Make a mind shift. A shift
from “I got rejected” to “She spoiled her
chance to meet a great guy like me”. Wait Hank,
isn’t that self-delusion? Ok, I see your
objection. Though, it’s not about you because
she doesn’t know you at all. How can you say
that something isn’t your taste if you never
have tasted it? In the end, it’s your decision in
which reality you want to live. In my reality,
every woman who doesn’t want to talk to me
has wasted a chance to get to know a great
man. This reality is as good as any other. If you
think it’s unrealistic that every woman makes a
mistake if she rejects me then let me tell you
that believing that there is something wrong
with you when you get rejected is equally
unrealistic for me. However, my reality is
encouraging and fosters my well-being while
yours is deprecating. If you once love your life
and the person you are thinking that every
woman acts moronic when she rejects you
becomes very realistic, believe me. If you are
not there yet, don’t worry, you will become
someone who loves his life when you keep
developing yourself. 6) Handle fear with the
right type of motivation. As you’ve learned
before your motivational style is important to
keep you going. When the fear of rejection
attacks you and tries to hold you back knowing
your major motivational style can help you with
handling your fear like a bad boy. When you
are in a situation you want to approach a woman
you are interested in, lead your thoughts to
visions of certain outcomes depending on your
main motivation style. If you are motivated by
gain picture the great time you will have with
her when you make it to approach her. If you
are the negative motivation type think about the
great chance you are going to miss and how
your older you will accuse you because you
didn’t take your chance. Use motivational claims
whenever you feel overwhelmed by fear. A
positive motivational claim could be “Those who
take action will reap success”, an example for
a negative motivation would be “Regret burns
longer than rejection”. Find you own claims
that work for you according to your
motivational style. 7) Don’t anticipate
rejection. We’ve talked about that before, but
this is key for reducing the fear of rejection. If
you expect to get rejected your mind will
switch into panic mode. For the mind, rejection
is equivalent to physical pain and of course,
your mind will do everything to avoid pain.
Therefore, the whole cascade of anxiety will
be initiated and it all starts with a simple
thought. The anticipation of rejection will
either provoke actually getting rejected like a
self-fulfilling prophecy or it will relegate you
to passiveness. Don’t assume to be rejected
think success instead. 8) Rejection is better
than regret. Getting rejected is better than
thinking about a wasted opportunity, that’s my
view on it and it always held true. I really got
rejected a lot in my life, but, believe me, I can’t
remember those rejections anymore. There is
only a handful that I can remember because
they were either very harsh or totally funny.
Though, what follows me are all the
opportunities I have wasted because I couldn’t
handle my fear. I think regret is the worst
disease when you get old. I wouldn’t consider
myself as old being in my early thirties, though
I already feel how wasted opportunities
transform into regret and how this burden sums
up on my shoulders. And even if this sounds
stupid but I would exchange all my regrets
about missed chances for rejection if I could.
Ok, wait a second I’m not a bitter old man who
talks pitiful about his life. I just want to tell
you that rejection might hurt in the moment but
not taking your chances will hurt on your
deathbed. If you are still young you might not
know what I’m talking about then listen to
uncle Hank and don’t let your chances pass by
without doing something. If you are older stop
adding more regret in your bio. At the end of
your life rejection will no longer hurt, though
missed opportunities will. Rejection is better
than regret—what a good claim.

Secret 11: Success is a Wave Success

isn’t a linear progress. On the way to success with women, you will
celebrate great wins, devastating setbacks, and frustrating plateaus.
I’m not telling you because I want to demotivate you I just thought
you will need to know this. All successful men went through the
course of success and realized that it’s not a constant up. Since the
way to success is rugged you will fall down from time to time.
Sometimes it will feel that you crawl instead of walk towards your
goal. I’m just telling you this because the unawareness of the way
success works made many men give up and settle for a fraction of
what they would have been able to achieve. Many good men before
you quit their journey, whether with women or any other goal and
decided to spend their lives in quiet desperation and regrets. I don’t
want that happening to you. So I hope you see why it is crucial to
know that success comes in waves. Sometimes you will feel that you
are even doing worse than the week before. If that happens don’t
lose your cool that’s rather normal and happens to anyone. If you
measure your success don’t focus on a single day or week. Take a
longer time into consideration and see what you have accomplished.
When you look back half a year you will have much more valid
information about your progress. When evaluating success always
remember where you are coming from. As long as the trend shows
the right direction everything is fine. Don’t be harsh with yourself
when you face temporary setbacks. Focus on long-term progress
and see yourself moving towards the person you want to become
once.
11 Attraction Secrets
In this section, you will learn 11 concrete attraction secrets bad boys
use to arouse women. In the last section you’ve learned how you
can get your inner issues fixed and in the following chapters I give
you some concepts, tools, and exercises you can use to become a
more attractive man. When you’ve laid a solid fundament meaning
having your inner issues fixed women will react to you differently,
anyway. Though, with the right “how” you will progress much faster.
You will learn what triggers attraction and what kills it. If you don’t
know how to trigger that irresistible feeling in a woman you are lost in
the field. Women are deprived of the feeling of attraction towards a
“real” man because most men aren’t able to spark this kind of
emotion in her nowadays. I will show you how you can interact with
women so that she will perceive you as a man instead of as an
irrelevant little boy. Attraction skills in combination with solid inner
confidence will get you from crying yourself to sleep every night to
being able to choose the women you want to spend your night with.
Some of the secrets are simple—almost too simple to be taken
serious—though, the importance of these techniques is tremendous.
Attracting women is not rocket science but if you fail on the “basics”
no fancy technique could make a change. If you get all the basics
down that you will learn in this section your issues with women will
be a thing of the past.

Secret 12: Attraction Triggers

1)Unpredictability An aura of unpredictability where she doesn’t
know what happens next is attractive. It creates an air of
mystery. Humans, in general, feel drawn to novel and
uncommon things. If she can predict what you will do next
the interaction will likely drift to boring. Predictability is the
opposite of interesting. Most dates are boring because most
nice guys follow the usual pattern. For instance, don’t tell her
where you will go. Ask interesting questions that aren’t the
standard date questionnaire. Small things count. Though,
don’t go too far with unpredictability—it needs to be relatable.
2) Confidence If you ask any woman to name three things
that are indispensable for an attractive man you will definitely
hear confidence among many different other things. Women
around the world agree that confidence is one of the most
attractive traits a man can have. Confidence means that you
know who you are and that you stand by your standards. Be
unapologetic about your personality and believe in your
success. Sure there is much more to confidence than I can
describe in this brief paragraph, therefore, everything you will
learn in this book is to some extent related to becoming more
confident. 3) Composure A Laid-back attitude shows a
woman that you can handle stressful situations and keep
your calm when things get tough. Calmness is also a sign
that you have leadership qualities. If you lose your
composure when the slightest obstacle shows up you will
communicate her that you can’t handle the challenges of life.
Your composure will make her feel secure and she can relax
when you are around. 4) Dominance A man who knows what
he wants and goes for it is attractive. Submissive man won’t
get far with women. You can observe this in primate tribes
like chimpanzees as well. The more dominant males get the
females. Though, dominance is not the same as
domineering. Don’t force your will at her on all cost that’s not
what dominance is about. 5) Playful Attitude Everyone loves
to have fun and you can bet your ass that women will do
everything to hang out with a man who is fun. Don’t take
yourself or her response too serious. Flirting and attraction
are closely connected to lightheartedness and a hilarious
spirit. Don’t discuss hard to digest topics and don’t engage in
a dispute with her. Nice guys often have their problems with
playfulness because they over-analyze everything. Nice guys
are stuck in their head and can’t just let go and surrender to
the moment. 6) Kind & Caring Bad boys aren’t successful
with women because they are mean jerks. Contrariwise bad
boys have a filed sense of social adaptation. The difference
to the nice guy is that an attractive man doesn’t use kindness
as a means to be liked. If kindness comes from a place of
insecurity and manipulation to seek approval you will appear
as a wimp. Women find it attractive when a man cares about
his loved ones. Show her that you care about your friends
when you can. 7) Expertise Expertise communicates that you
have passion and that you are willing to invest in something.
It shows your endurance and maturity to care for something
that is important to you. Don’t be arrogant about your
knowledge and suppress your need to show off. 8)
Rebelliousness & Danger Rebelliousness and danger are
core elements of the bad boy aura. For whatever reason,
women are attracted to rebels. To be rebellious, you don’t
need to go criminal and you don’t have to risk your life to
appear dangerous. Small signs of nonconformity are enough.
Your style or haircut or simply doing things your way. Just
show her that you are adventures. If she can picture herself
going on an adventure with you, there is nothing more you
need. 9) Decisiveness Be decisive and take your own
decision. Men who constantly refer to others to make
decisions aren’t very attractive in the eyes of women.
Decisiveness is a sign that you can take responsibility and
will go your way whatever there comes. Asking her what to
do next is counterproductive and will only put pressure on
her. If she doesn’t like your decisions she will tell you. 10)
Humor Everyone loves to laugh. If you can make her laugh
(not at your cost) she will forget about your possible
shortcomings. You don’t need to be a professional stand-up
comedian, just learn about the basic structure of humor.
Watch comedies and sitcoms to learn how humor works. 11)
Outcome Independence Having a clear intent is great and
will help you big way. However, if your self-esteem is
dependent on women you will get nervous every time you
talk to a woman. Make it your goal to open a conversation
 and to be the best man you can be. Don’t try to get
something but rather give her a good time and create an
experience that the both of you like to remember. Be
indifferent towards her reaction, the only thing that is
important at that stage is your action. Being dependent of a
certain outcome will put you under pressure. Every outcome
is ok as long as you take action.
Secret 13: Attraction Killers
In the last chapter, we talked about how you will spark
attraction in her. Though, you not only need to know how you
turn her on you also need to avoid major turn offs that kill your
chances to go further with a woman. Most nice guys do one or
all of these attraction killers and force women to give them a
hard time. For you it will be easy to avoid these spoilers once
you know them. However, to eradicate these behaviors you
need to be honest with you and admit if you suffer from one or
all of these behaviors. 1) Neediness Maybe the number 1
spoiler in every interaction is being needy. Neediness
communicates better than anything else that you are insecure
and immature. Being needy shifts the power to the woman and
even if this doesn’t sound that bad, believe me, women hate it
when they can win power over a man easily. Everybody wants
to be wanted, but nobody wants to be needed. How to
overcome neediness? Fear of losing her originates from the
errant thought that you “own” her. Just because you’ve invested
in her (time, energy etc.) and she responded positively your
mind shifts into anxiety mode. If you think you could lose
something when she would ditch you everything you do will
automatically come from a place of fear and insecurity. You
might had a sparkling conversation with her, got her number,
called her and so on. You’ve moved along the way towards sex
with her and now you fear that you could lose everything you’ve
invested in her so far. This fear is the root of all neediness and
clingy behavior. And if this way of thinking is once being rooted
in your mind the spiral only goes downward. 2) Approval
seeking Approval seeking means that you are constantly
looking for other people’s approval. It’s a form of dependency
which doubtlessly puts you in an inferior position. By seeking
approval, you directly communicate that you don’t trust your
own opinion. And if you don’t trust yourself others won’t either.
If you seek others approval constantly you will lose the respect
of the women and not to mention her attraction. Symptoms of
approval seeking are manifold, but the most common ones are:
Telling her what you think she wants to hear Changing your
opinion when she disagrees Referring to others to know what’s
the right thing to do Avoiding conflicts to avoid upsetting her
Men who have women flocking to them never seek approval.
They don’t need others’ approval because they have their own
reference system. Whenever you detect that you seek for her
approval stop yourself, take a step back and remember that, as
counterintuitive it may sound, the more approval you seek the
less approval you will get. That’s a dead-sure rule of human
interactions. 3) Clinginess What’s the natural reaction when
someone chases you? Right, you run away. Clinginess or being
overly pushy will only make her seek distance and in worst
case your neediness forces her directly into the arms of
another (non-needy) man. Clinginess often symptomizes in the
following: Calling her too often Doing her too many favors
Paying her stuff Putting her under pressure to see her Give her
space and the opportunity to come to you. Show her that you
have an own life that is important to you. The best way to let
her know that you have a real life besides her is to actually
have a real life. More on that later when we talk about how you
develop a kick-ass lifestyle that naturally draws women to you.
4) Being too serious Cindy Lauper hit the nail on the head with
her song “Girls just want to have fun”. Many nice guys take
dating and courtship way too serious. You don’t need to be a
dancing monkey, but when being too serious during your
interactions you will have a hard time to make her open up to
you. See dating as fun and establish a playful attitude. Fun is a
natural attraction elevator and especially in night club-like
environments seriousness won’t be pretty appreciated. What
makes guys over-serious might be the fear that every wrong
word could make them lose the girl. Therefore, they try to play
it safe and don’t go all out. Being too serious is the opposite of
being flirty. Enjoy yourself and the situation and you will be a
fun company anyway. 5) Being inauthentic Women will detect if
you are not congruent to what you feel. They can read your
mind if you will so. Trying hard to come across as cool for
instance, will come across as unnatural and she will not trust
you. It’s ok to be a little nervous though it’s not ok to override it
with artificial coolness. Be true to what you feel and don’t play
James Bond.

Secret 14: Read Her Signs of Interest Not

being aware when a woman shows her
interest might be one of the main reasons
nice guys aren’t successful with women. If it
once comes so far that a woman is sexually
interested in a nice guy then he likely spoils
it because he doesn’t recognize her interest
and lets the chance to be with her pass by.
As I look back at my nice guy times I have to
confess that I fucked up many chances with
great women (slap in my face) because I just
didn’t know that she was interested. When a
woman is interested in a man she rarely
communicates it in a direct way. Women, in
general, are rather coy in communicating
sexual interest. This might be due to the
general female fear to come across as easy
to have. Scientific studies found that the
fear of appearing promiscuous is a cross-
cultural phenomenon and strongly
influences women’s sexual behavior. Other
studies found that men find chastity
valuable in women and disapprove a high
number of sex partners (at least when
looking for a long-term partner). Another
interesting study found that men and women
use different verbal strategies when they
insult a member of the same sex. While men
tend to insult other men by referring to a
lack of courage (coward, sissy), physical
strength (wimp, wuss) or other attributes
that are connected to a lack of manliness,
women aim to address the sexual behavior
of their rival. Swearwords like bitch, slut
or whore aim to lower the rival’s value by
emphasizing their promiscuity. Have you ever
heard a man trying to insult another man
with referring to his great number of
sexual experiences? Would you be offended
when someone calls you a womanizer,
Casanova or pimp? Slut, whore, bitch (I like
it to use swearwords for educational
purpose) indicate a promiscuous lifestyle
and a high number of sex partners which men
find unattractive in women. Women might not
be fully aware of that fact, but they at
least sense that having a lot of men could
harm their reputation. Social conditioning
and the media provide their part to establish
a moral double standard. Men are free to
have many sex partners and are even praised
for it while women are meant to be chaste.
Anyway, this is not the right book to
discuss this topic, though the important
lesson here is that women want to maintain a
reputation of sexual reservation. So what
has this to do with our topic? Good
question. See, if women try to avoid any
label of promiscuity they will be more
cautious to show sexual interest in an
aggressive manner. Especially in public
places like a bar or a night club many
women will be very subtle when showing
sexual interest. That brings us back to the
main problem that nice guys don’t recognize
the green light to move on. A woman,
especially if she is hot and, therefore, has a
lot of experiences with men hitting on her,
expects a man to know the signals and to
take the interaction along. When you are
on a date with a girl she will give you hints
that the time has come to make your move if
she is into you. As revealed in a previous
chapter, you are the one to take the lead.
Of course, you will feel much more
comfortable to take the next step when you
know the signs. Here are the most common
signs that she is into you. Looking in your
eyes frequently Maintained eye contact is a
good sign. Seeking eye contact clearly
indicates that the other person is somewhat
interested. Especially for women eye
contact is a means of increasing intimacy.
With our eyes, we control what we consume
visually. If we like something we look at it
more often. Glancing at your mouth If her
gaze wanders to your mouth it’s likely that
she thinks about how it would be kissing
you. If this happens more and more
frequently during your interaction she
might be ready for a kiss. Laughing at your
jokes (even if they are not that funny)
There are two different reasons we laugh.
First, when something is funny, that’s not
surprising, right. Though, laughing is not
only a reaction to wit, it’s also a measure
of establishing a relationship. Laughing
indicates that we are on ease in a situation.
Think about it, can you laugh when you are
angry, tensed, nervous or anxious? Smile
and laughter are good signs that you are
doing fine.Laughter is further an
expression of trust, affection and sympathy.
People commonly refuse to smile at or
laugh with someone they don’t like.
Touching “accidentally” A touch of a
woman is likely more meaningful than you
think. Women are very aware of whom they
“accidentally” touch. Women are really
careful about avoiding to touch someone
they don’t like. If she strikes your arm when
she walks by or your hands meet when you
walk next to her she might try to telegraph
her interest. Sure, there is always touch
that is merely an accident and has no
further meaning, but that’s maybe less
often the case as you might think. Asking
questions Asking questions, especially in
initial encounters, is a means to continue
your chat. If she asks personal things it’s
even better. Sometimes you will feel like
answering a questionnaire when she really
likes you and don’t want to let you go.
Highlighting beauty indicators Since women
attract men (at least initially) through
physical attribute she will highlight her
beauty to men she is attracted to. Playing
with her hair is probably the most common
and well-known sign of female interest.
Showing her neck is and moisturizing her
lips are also indicators of interest.
Everything she does to foster her beauty
(putting on makeup or perfume etc.) should
be a good sign that she feels some affection
for you. If you meet her to hang out and she
is dressed more provocative, put on more
makeup and used more fragrance as usual
she might want to tell you that now it’s
your turn to make things happen. Since
women expect that you start the physical
escalation you will need to know when a
woman is ready to take the next step with
you. Missing her signs of interest will likely
end in losing the woman for good. Many
women won’t accept it when a man either
doesn’t notice her interest or lacks balls
to act accordingly. Now you know how
women communicate their interest and so
you can spare yourself a lot of missed
opportunities.

Secret 15: Communicate Interest the Bad

Boy Way Even if a man is able to start a
conversation and mastered sparking
attraction in her the whole interaction is
prone to fail if he doesn’t know how to lead
things further. At a certain point in your
interaction, you will need to communicate
that you are interested in her. That’s a big
problem for nice guys. They either
communicate interest in an unattractive way
or not at all. This will either cause the
woman to lose attraction or the nice guy
will be banned into the friend zone. In this
chapter, you will learn the common but
backfiring way to communicate interest and
the bad boy way to do it. Interactions that
have a certain intention need to be taken on
the next level at some point. Depending on
what the aim of the interaction is certain
steps need to be taken. In a sales
conversation, there is a time for the pitch.
If a fundraiser approaches you on the
street he or she might small talk with you
for a while, but at some point they will ask
you to listen to their message and further
down the road they will ask you to sign up.
For our purpose the goal is to attract and
seduce the woman, that’s why you are
reading this, right? So your intention is to
take it to the next level which is to make
the interaction sexual. What most nice guys
do now is that they ask the woman for
permission to get physical. Asking for
permission can be done in different ways,
but none of these ways are recommendable.
Here is the most common nice guy move that
usually makes things worse. Shyly asking
“Can I kiss you?” or “Do you like me?” or
“I really like you”. This is a super-weak
move and indicates that you are not man
enough for her. In most cases, women will
find this highly unattractive and she might
even lose her attraction for you entirely.
Asking for permission to get physical
sounds like a safe method that respects the
boundaries of a woman. Though, in this case
playing it safe, isn’t the proper choice.
Don’t get me wrong, asking a woman if you
can kiss her can work well if done
attractively, but most men, and definitely
nice guys do it in a weak way. The question
doesn’t come from a confident, playful
place, but rather from an insecure no-clue
background. Therefore, permission seeking
isn’t the best choice. How you communicate
interest the bad boy way? In best case, your
interaction is sexual from the get-go.
Making a conversation sexual can be done in
different ways, either verbally or
physically. Verbally Early on you keep it
more subtle by joking about sexual topics.
In a playful interaction, you can simply ask
her about her favorite food. Whatever she
answers you say “Ok, it seems you really
like [the food]. Would you rather resign
[the food] or sex for one year?” This is a
very simple way to lead the conversation in
a sexual direction without being too
aggressive. From there you can go deeper
into the sex-topic if she feels comfortable
with it. Another example for verbal
sexualization is to scan your environment
for a funny or strange looking couple (they
don’t need to be a couple, a man and a
woman standing or sitting next to each
other are enough). You point at them and
ask her “Do you think they have sex with
each other?” Depending on her reaction
you get a hint if she is comfortable talking
with you about sexual topics which would be
a good sign. These are just two examples
how you subtly make a conversation sexual.
I’m sure you will come up with better lines
to switch the conversation to a sexual
topic. You can use these lines, but in my
eyes it’s always better to come up with your
own way that makes you more authentic. You
got the principle and the rest is up to your
creativity. Another verbal and classic way
to communicate interest is compliments.
Though, compliments are like brain
surgeries, if you don’t know what you do
you likely mess it up big way. The three nice
guy faults with compliments are giving a)
too many, b) the wrong ones, and c) with the
wrong intention. a) Imagine compliments as
steaks. The first is great, the second is ok,
from there you only get sick and tired of it.
Sure, there is no exact number of
compliments you should give, no formula
like one compliment for every 30 minutes of
interaction, but too less are generally
better than too many. b) Simplified,
compliments can be directed to her beauty,
personality or her achievements. Most guys
only compliment her physical attractiveness
probably because this is the most obvious
and also what they are interested in most.
Though, women and especially super-
beautiful women know that they are hot.
They probably have heard every compliment
about her look you can imagine and you will
only add a drop to the sea. Saying
something about her personality is a better
way to show interest. During your
conversation, you will find out what she is
proud of in her life, career, hobbies,
achievements and so on. A well-placed
compliment about her life will be better
than a canned and exchangeable line about
her looks. c) No matter how sophisticated
the words are you choose for your
compliment, delivered with the wrong
intention your compliment will bounce off.
Most nice guys use compliments because
they think that’s the way to spark
attraction. Compliments can ramp
attraction that’s true, but when it comes
from the wrong place it will harm instead
of help. Compliments are often used as a
manipulation instrument in order to trick
the woman into liking the man. Don’t do
that, if you know how attraction works you
don’t need manipulative compliments. Every
compliment whether it’s targeted at her
beauty, personality or lifestyle needs to be
genuine.That’s the basic rule of
complimenting. If you don’t find anything you
can genuinely compliment her on, you might
better leave the conversation. Physically
Making it sexual verbally is a good start,
but that’s not enough. At some point, you
need to get physical. Getting physical is the
real man’s way to show interest. Most nice
guys don’t ever get physical with a woman
and they pay their price for their lack of
balls. Start your escalation early on in
your interaction because having no physical
contact and then suddenly going from 0 to
100 will feel strange to both of you. Start
slightly with non-sexual touch. Shake her
hand if appropriate, punch her on the
shoulder when she’s silly, or stroke her
forearm when you emphasize something in
your story. If she is easy with that you can
step it up a bit.
Hug her, or hold her hand
for a bit longer, or bring your mouth close
to her ear and whisper something. The
crucial thing is that you have to initiate the
sexual contact. There might be exceptions,
but in most cases women won’t initiate
physicality even they want it. It’s an
intimidating task, but it’s your task. You
have to take it a step further. The task of
the woman is to set her boundaries. Most
nice guys don’t escalate because they think
they will violate the woman’s boundaries.
However, communicating how far she wants
to go is her task to do, not yours. You have
to explore the boundaries and if she says no
at a certain point you will stop and back off
a bit.A ‘no’ doesn’t always mean that she
doesn’t want it. It only indicates that she is
not ready yet. Let’s say you try to kiss her
and she turns her head away. You’ve
reached her boundary and that’s ok. Take a
step back and relax. Most nice guys—if
they ever have the balls to kiss a woman—
lose their cool when she doesn’t respond as
expected. They star to justify themselves,
get nervous, don’t know what to do next or
even run off. Bad boys don’t do any of that
because they did what felt right to them,
but the woman wasn’t ready yet, and that’s
totally ok. Trying to kiss and getting
turned down is better than not trying to
kiss. If she leaves you after your failed kiss
attempt it’s likely not because you tried to
kiss her but because you couldn’t handle
the situation of getting turned down. In my
experience if you stay calm and just go on
as if nothing happened after she rejected
your kiss she will be fine with it. If she
doesn’t run off, everything is fine. You can
try it later again. Back off, relax and go
on. That’s the basic rule when you reach
any of her sexual boundaries. To make it
crystal clear, I’m against sexual violence
and I would never encourage a man to do
that. Any sexual force on women should be
punished with every means of the law.
Nonetheless, women can and will set their
boundaries that you have to respect. It’s
just your task to explore where those
boundaries are. Don’t make the nice guy
mistake and set the boundaries for her, you
simply don’t know how far she is willing to
go with you. Conclusion To get the woman,
you need to communicate your interest in
her. The nice guy way to do that is likely to
fail because it isn’t in alignment with the
female sexuality. Nice guys try to make her
like them by saying that they like her. They
think that the more she knows that I like
her the more she will like me. That’s not
exactly how it works in the real world,
right? Nice guys use compliments of gifts
to indicate their interest, but you know it
better now. You can communicate your
interest verbally through well-placed
compliments or physically through touch.
Thereby it’s crucial that you move thing
further to sex. She will set her boundaries,
not you. If your attempt gets turned down
that’s not the end you simply step back and
try it again. Though, the worst thing you
can do with communicating interest is not
showing interest at all. This will buy you a
one-way ticket to her friend zone.

Secret 16: Talk & Listen

You want to make your seduction as natural as possible for the
reason that seduction is something natural. In interactions
between two people, no matter in which context, it’s natural that
you either talk or the other person talks and you listen. For a
conversation that leads somewhere, you need both elements.
You need to convey something about you and you need to give
her room to present herself. Self-Disclosure If you don’t open
up to her at all and the conversation is very superficial it’s
unlikely that you can build enough connection and trust. If she
doesn’t know anything about you always remain a stranger in
her mind. To get her interested in you, she needs to know
something about you besides your name and age. Opening up
to a person is a sign of trust and intimacy but also a means to
have intriguing conversations instead of trivial chats. Science
found a strong relation of self-disclosure and being able to form
relationships. People who disclose to others are more liked
than those who don’t. Here is what you can do to open up to
her which will spark attraction and will build a deeper
connection. Show emotions during your interaction Not
showing how you feel inside will make you appear inauthentic
and unapproachable. She will have a hard time to trust you if
you don’t show any emotional reaction. Researchers found that
people who show emotion by smiling during interaction were
trusted more. Showing emotions gives you depth and invites
her to open up as well. Emotions make us relatable. Use your
facial expression or your tone of voice to telegraph your candid
feelings. No woman wants to have the feeling talking to a robot
or someone who has no social experience. Make it relatable If
you tell her something about you don’t plainly present facts.
Add some life to your stories and spice them up with details.
Don’t only tell her what you work, tell her why you chose that
profession and what you like about it. If you are a teacher don’t
simply state that you teach. Add some personal details to the
fact. You could say, “I really love teaching, you can have a real
impact on those young minds. Children inspire me every day
with their open-mindedness and lightheartedness.” By telling it
this way you’ve made an intriguing story from a simple fact. It
gives her an impression about you besides that you work as a
teacher. It gives you depth and telegraphs some emotions.
That’s how you open up the right way. To build trust she needs
to see you as a person not like a nobody from the club or bar.
Further presenting yourself that way will give her the possibility
to pick up on something you told her. Here are some more
examples how you can spice up your stories. If she asks what
you do in your spare time tell her a story about what you love at
your hobbies. I enjoy riding my bike. It gives me a feeling of
freedom. Since I cannot afford a Harley I’m easy riding with my
bike. Sometimes I’m a little too risky so I think about taking a
stuntman course just in case. That’s a much better story than
plainly saying that you like to bicycle. I think you get the
principle. So now it’s time to come up with your own stories.
Give her room to express herself The second important pillar of
a sparkling conversation is to give her the opportunity to
present her personality. If you miss this important part she will
wonder why you pretend to be interested in her. When she isn’t
telling anything about herself why should you like her and why
should you want to go on a date with her. To build a connection
to someone the other person needs to open up to you
otherwise you only operate on a small talk level. How do you
make her open up? The first way to make her opening up to
you is to open up yourself. You can create an atmosphere
where she will feel fine with opening up by opening up first. So
when you disclose personal information like mentioned above,
it will help you to she will be feeling safe to tell something
personal about herself. Secondly, be present. When you are
present in a conversation you fully focus your attention on her.
This is very appealing to her because people not only want to
be heard but understood. So listen actively and respond to
what she is saying by showing empathy. Pick up on topics that
seem to be important to her. Thirdly, ask her interesting
questions. Question show that you are interested in what she
has to say. Since women are very emotional creatures question
that target the emotional side of what she says will work well to
keep her engaged. Though, only ask questions when you are
interested in the answer. Most women will sense whether you
are genuinely interested or you just asking to keep the
conversation going.

Secret 17: The Power of Leading

Leaders get the girls. Though, when I talk about leaders I don’t
think of business ties-wearing managers, of course. Leading is
a by nature an attractive trait because it communicates a lot of
good things about you. If you are able to lead you will let her
know that you are confident, decisive and able to take charge
of the situation. These are very attractive traits. Let’s jump back
in time. Eons ago every tribe needed individuals that took
responsibility for the decisions of the group. In times where
wrong decisions could cause death easily having good
leadership qualities would have made you the alpha man of the
pack. Leading is associated with social status and importance.
And, of course, women always liked the man at the top of the
social hierarchy. Think about it this way. With whom would you
rather go to war? An indecisive man who can’t take decisions
and wants others to decide what to do next or a man who is
totally in charge of the situation? Whom would you rather have
at your side when it gets serious? We feel safe when we are
with a decisive, leading person. Another reason you should be
more dominant is that many women can’t deal with too much
responsibility and expect a man to put the responsibility on their
shoulders. As men, we think that beautiful women are super
confident at any time, but in truth hot women can be as
insecure as men. If you are not dominant enough that she can
feel relieved she might drop you because she fears that she
needs to lead the interaction which means that she would need
to face her insecurities. What is the right way to lead? Being
decisive Lead a conversation. When you lead a conversation
with a woman you decide the topics you are talking about. You
choose the direction of the conversation. Interrupt threats that
you aren’t interested in or come up with new topics you want to
talk about. Lead the date. Decide where you meet up for your
first date and what you do on your date. Take her to different
locations and through the whole dating process, in general.
What do you think is more attractive to women a man who says
“So Susi, what do you like to do, should we go for a coffee or
would you rather do something sporty?” or a man who has
concrete plans for the date? Lead the escalation process. And,
of course, you have to lead when it comes to getting physical.
It’s very rare that women proactively initiate making out. That’s
your job. Don’t get me wrong I understand that starting to make
out is intriguing but there is no way around. Most guys wait of a
dead-sure sign that she wants to get physical but most times
they just wait for too long and they end up in the friend zone. If
she wants to have sex with you, she still wants you to lead the
interaction so that it can happen. Most women would rather
resign sex than to lead. Important to mention, dominance and
leading should always come from a place of genuine caring.
Don’t swing the pendulum to high and be domineering or
dictating that’s not attractive.

Secret 18: Tease Her of the Socks

We all did it during our school days and it was great, but at
some stage during we grow up we seem to stop teasing unless
it was a major form of fun and connecting to others. Teasing is
ambiguous. Teasing mixes something slightly rude with
something playful. It provides an interesting incongruence by
having two contrary messages telegraphed on different
communicative levels. Teasing is a verbal or non-verbal activity
that on the surface could be perceived as rude or mean, but at
the same time it communicates that one is just kidding.
Gesture, tone of voice and facial expression clarify the good
spirit behind the tease. Studies found that individuals tease to
socialize, play, flirt, tighten social bonds and to express love
and affection. Teasing has nothing to do with intentional
hurting, humiliating or harassment. When you tease a woman
always keep up a fun spirit. Why is teasing attractive? Teasing
is a mild and benign form of insulting. Teasing communicates
all the right things at once. When you tease her you show that
you are confident and not too risk aversive. Most nice guys
don’t tease at all because they want to play it safe. Though,
they don’t realize that playing it safe is riskier than going a little
too far accidentally. See, if your tease went too far you can
recover from it by apologizing and keeping up the fun.
However, you will not recover from a dry and boring
conversation. Women may forgive an over the top tease, but
they won’t forgive a boring conversation. Teasing is also a sign
of indifference. It clearly shows that you are fine with
expressing what you think and that you don’t hold back just
because you fear her reaction. That’s incredibly attractive.
Further, a well-placed tease makes your interaction less
serious and ramps up the playfulness. This will give her the
chance to open up, relax and be silly herself. All this will help to
establish a deeper more intimate connection real fast. How do I
tease? A tease combines a challenging statement with wit and
creates a playful stage for your further conversation. You could
comment on her clothes or personality. “Nice shirt, my little
sister would totally like it.” “Do you need a stuntman training to
wear those high heels?” “You are tough, you would make such
a good gangster rapper.” Give her silly nicknames. If she is
cocky herself call her brat, little punk or troublemaker. If she
tells a lot of jokes call her Seinfeld or Leno. If she is into geeky
stuff you could call her nerd. If she has a lot of stuff in her purse
name her Inspector Gadget (If she’s very young she might not
know who this is). If she’s wearing a lot of jewelry call her Mr. T.
If she wants to be hyper-intelligent call her Einstein or Sir Isaac
Newton. There are endless opportunities just be creative. If she
comes up with a nickname for you, it is a very good sign that
she wants to “play” as well. You can use the nicknames as
running gags later on in your text or on dates. Don’t give her a
straight answer My favorite strategy for teasing, though, is to
answer questions with a tease. It’s teasing because you don’t
take her questions too serious. Example: If you get asked what
you do for living you could say something like: “I work at
McDonalds. First, I was only allowed to make the
cheeseburgers, but I did well, so I got promoted. I prepare the
Big Macs now. This is a cocky reply that is far more original
than simply answering the question. It turns the conversation
into a funny banter instead of a dead-serious Q&A session.
Underline your tease with an ironic undertone and an impish
smirk. Some more examples: Question: Where do you come
from? That´s not so sure yet. My parents believed that I must
be a space alien because as a baby my head was way too
small for my ears. Question: What are your hobbies? I’m an
adrenaline junky. I play chess and solve crossword puzzles.
And when it goes crazy I sort my shirts by color. Then I have to
take a little time out as you can imagine. Question: What´s your
favorite meal? Usually I only eat carrots but when my skin
starts turning orange I switch to a normal diet for a few days.
You can prepare some teasing replies for common questions.
Warning Teasing is like walking on a razor blade. When nice
guys first learn about teasing they use it with great success, but
then they go too far with it and every other sentence that
comes out of their mouth is a tease. Be aware that going over
the top with teasing can backfire big way. How far you can go
differs among women dramatically. Every woman has her own
limits of reciprocating to teasing. Calibrate carefully whenever
you interact with a woman. There’s a time to be serious and
when you have to answer a question normally otherwise you
will look odd and she won’t trust you. Treat teasing as a spice
for your interactions and throw it in when it gets a little dry.
Avoid teasing about things that are not in her short-term control
like weight and looks aside from her clothes. And never forget
that teasing always comes from a place of playfulness and
never has a mean root.

Secret 19: Stop Your Need to Brag

It’s just an all too natural need to be honored for what we have
achieved. We like to let other people know about our
successes and that’s ok. Though, there is a way to talk about
your strengths that annoys people and lets you appear a weak
and needy on top and another way that is much more
beneficial. In this chapter, you will learn why straightforward
bragging will turn women off and a bad boy secret how to let
you strengths shine without coming across as a try-hard. At
first, yes, women like men who have achieved some success in
whatever area of life, though as said, you can’t just to show off
with your success. But why is bragging such a turn off for
women? If you brag with your achievements or possessions
you simply communicate that you don’t feel being good enough
for her. You are basically saying that your personality is not
good enough to be respected by the woman, but that you have
a lot of successes that will compensate for it. Women (and men
as well) will view your attempt to show off as a sign that you
feel inferior to her and that you need something to cover that
up. So, in other words displaying your strength
straightforwardly easily backfires and leads to the opposite
effect of what you want. You won’t be perceived as attractive
but rather as insecure. But Hank, I have to bring something to
the table that would show her that I’m an attractive man, and
now I can’t tell her, that’s crap. Don’t worry, I get your point. I
will show how you can “brag” without “bragging”. How to show
off the attractive way? Talking about your strength is a tricky
thing to do especially in initial conversations. The trick is to let
the information you want her to know (e.g. that you own a
company, or that you write books) slip in the conversation
accidentally. If you want her to know that you have a black belt
in Jiu-Jitsu (communicates expertise and willpower etc.) you
can lead the conversation to a relevant topic. You could say
that she looks quite sporty and ask her what kind of sport she
likes. When you already talking about sports it’s likely that she
will ask you what your favorite sport is. And there’s your chance
to tell your story. Another example of how you can sneak in
your strength is to throw small baits that she can pick up on. If
you want her to know that you are playing in a band
(communicates creativity, charisma etc.) a poor way to tell her
would be to say it out of the blue. “Ah and, by the way, I’m in a
band, just that you know.” A way to slip it in your conversation
that doesn’t let you appear like a dork would be to wait for the
right moment to throw the bait. When she asks you what you
do at the weekend you can say that your friend [name of the
friend] wrote a song and now he is so enthusiastic about it that
you need to practice it all the time. This lets her know that you
are doing something with music and that you might be in a
band. Now it’s her chance to take the bait and ask you about it.
In this case, you set it up in a way that she wants to know it and
“impress” her on her wish. This will not come across as try-hard
attempt to make you valuable.

Secret 20: Attractive Body Language

What is body language? Body language is a primal way of
communication that has developed long before the spoken
word. For all other species body language is still the basic way
of communication. Only humans use verbal articulation in such
a systematic and complex way so that body language faded
more and more into the background. Though, the
communication of our body is at least equally important for our
interactions than the words from your mouth. Body language
plays an important role in almost every areas of life and
especially when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Why is
body language important to attract women? The tongue can lie,
but the body can’t. That might be a little oversimplified, but lies
are easier born from the word than from the body. Lie detectors
use primary body language such as heart rate, glandular
activity etc. to convict liars. Humans have internal lie detectors
as well that also use body language to gather information that
the other person doesn’t want to give away. This is a primary
non-conscious process that we don’t do with intention. We
unconsciously analyze the cues the other person gives away
with their body. Don’t you know situations where you talk to
someone and it just doesn’t “feel” right despite the person talks
about common stuff? You don’t feel comfortable around that
person, but you just don’t know why. Probably the person’s
body language triggered your internal alert system that makes
you feel odd interacting with this person. However, women will
unconsciously analyze your body language as well and you
better don’t fail that test. Women can read body language even
better than men so your body language can be a serious game
breaker or your best weapon in the field. Men have told women
pretty much every imaginable lie to get her into to bed so a
man’s tongue is not the most trustworthy thing. Since most men
are almost obsessed with what they say to women they neglect
what their body is giving away. Women will analyze body
language cues to get more valid answers about the man than
his mouth can give. That’s why it is important to be aware of
your body language. Body language is in most cases the first
way we communicate with others and sets up the course of the
conversation. If you don’t pay attention about what your body
tells her about you the game can be over before you even
opened your mouth. Body language faults that forces a woman
to dismiss you instantly Here are the major body language
faults that nice guys do over and over again. If you do them too
you leave her no chance to feel something for you. 1) Weak
posture Your posture communicates your level of confidence. A
weak posture with no tension at all signals her that you lack
confidence and that you don’t feel comfortable in your skin. 2)
Signs of unease If you feel unease it likely translates into
physical cues such as constricted eyebrows which can indicate
anxiety, worry or anger. Unnaturally lifted shoulders convey
tension and fear. We lift our shoulders in dangerous situations
to protect our neck. When your shoulders are tensed and
overly lifted you communicate that you don’t feel comfortable in
the situation. 3) Tics of nervousness If men are nervous they
tend to show certain tics that communicate their unease.
Touching the neck or the face, scratching the arm or the head
are unmistakable signs of nervousness. Changing the position
of the hands permanently or checking the cellphone frequently
indicate that he doesn’t feel confident. 4) Poor voice tone The
sound of your voice also counts to body language because it
transfers information aside the sheer content of your words.
With the tone of your voice, you can totally change the meaning
of a message. The words “I love you” spoken with a soft calm
voice tone will have a different meaning as when being
delivered with a goofy, teasing undertone. You can go from
sincere to ironic by simply changing your voice. The three
major voice tone flaws nice guys tend to commit are speaking
1) too fast-paced 2) too muted 3) too monotonous These
mistakes communicate to the woman that you are a man who
doesn’t think that he is worth talking to her. A self-assured man
talks in a moderate pace, not too fast and not too slow, with a
strong, powerful intensity without screaming and has a range of
tonality when he talks. Another habit nice guys have with a
bright tone that lacks any depth. Studies have shown that
women find deeper voices more attractive in men. A high and
shaky voice tone is a sign of insecurity which is a big no-no
with women. Learn body language that attracts women without
words Attractive body language that communicates all the right
things without saying a single word can be learned. If you
manage the Big Three of body language you will be a made
man. The Big Three are posture, movement and voice tone.
Posture As said, it’s important that you have some tension in
your muscles but not too much or you will look like a robot that
needs oil. Hold you upper body straight and don’t slouch. A lot
of men I see appear smaller than they actually are because
they crouch. With a straight back and a slightly stretched neck,
you can win one or two inches. A good posture will make you
appear taller, more masculine, confident, dominant and more
present overall. Take up space when you stand or sit. Dominant
people feel comfortable taking up space. Take out the tension
from your shoulders and let them hang naturally. Put your chest
out and slightly pull your shoulder back. Movement How you
move will tell her a lot about you. Maybe the most unattractive
habit when it comes to your movements is to look squirrelly.
Hectic motions only tell that you are nervous and lack
confidence in your environment. Have you ever seen James
Bond look like a squirrel on Ecstasy. The best thing you can do
is to move a little slower than you would normally do. Don’t
overdo it, of course, or people will think you got a stroke.
Moving calmly will make you appear relaxed and on ease with
the situation and the people around you. This is an easy yet
effective way to boost your attractiveness. Turn your head
slowly, walk smoothly and be more relaxed in general. Alone by
forcing you to move slowly you will feel calmer and the people
around you will be able to relax as well. Voice tone As said your
voice gives your message meaning. If your voice
communicates that you think you aren’t an attractive man don’t
waste your time to think about what you say. The good news is
you can train your voice tone every time you speak to someone
no matter to whom. If you pay close attention to the sound of
your voice for a while, this problem can be fixed quickly. Just
avoid the three major faults that nice guys do when speaking.
Don’t speak to hasty, and slow it down a bit. What applies to
your motions applies to your to the pace of your speaking as
well. If you spit out words like a machine gun you will
communicate that you don’t feel worthy to talk and that you fear
to lose the attention if you would talk slower. Talking in a
relaxed pace instead telegraphs that you don’t have any issue
with being the center of attention. The woman will instantly
know that you think that it’s important what you have to say.
The same applies to the intensity of your voice. A weak voice
belongs to a weak man and no woman wants a weak man,
right? Weak, of course, doesn’t mean physically weak, but it
means to have a weak personality. Just as a relaxed pace, a
loud and strong voice is a sign that you reckon yourself to be
significant. Speak a little louder than you would normally do but
avoid yelling like a carnival barker. Also, try to add some punch
and depth to your voice. A thin voice doesn’t belong to an
attractive man. Speak from the bottom of your belly. This will
give your voice an extra of depth. Avoid mumbling and try to
minimize your dialect. A lack of control over your articulation
will only make you come across a stupid redneck. The last big
factor of an attractive voice is your diversity. The voice transfers
emotions and that’s this kicker when you want to attract
women. A monotonous voice won’t get any emotions across
and you will just fade into the background like an annoying
noise. Give your stories vitality by using the variability of your
voice. For example, if you talk about something you are
passionate about talk louder and with more intensity. If your
story goes about something serious talk slower and more
sensitive. Match your voice to the emotions you want to get
across. Listen to storytellers or see how the voice tone of
actors is used in movies. Monotony is boring and boring is the
opposite of attraction. Conclusion There is probably no way to
overrate the impact of body language. Your body language is
one of the most important steps you need to master on a
journey of success with the opposite sex. Body language is
also the first, most obvious and almost always the dead-surest
means to separate a nice guy from a bad boy. If you go out the
next time observe how different people hold themselves, walk
and talk and see what it makes you think about these persons.
If you pay a little attention to the body language of others you
will soon develop a reliable intuition about what certain body
language communicates, which elevates attractiveness and
what bodily cues should be avoided. If you get your body
language handled, and this doesn’t need to take long, you will
instantly see how women will react differently to you.

Secret 21: Eye2Eye Attraction

Eye contact is probably the most essential facet of human body
language and deserves an own chapter. Our eyes give away
our secrets as the saying goes and this is doubtlessly true for
male to female interactions. In many situations, eye contact is
the first communication that happens between a man and a
woman. And don’t be surprised but women can tell from a
man’s eye contact whether he is a man who gets it or is an
insecure wuss. A strong eye contact communicates confidence,
self-assurance, and dominance which are traits that women are
looking for in a man. Even if you are not an expert in body
language you might have noticed this yourself countless times.
When you meet someone who breaks your eye contact
constantly or even barely dares to look you in the eyes. What
does this communicate? How do you feel about someone who
can’t hold eye contact? If you can’t make proper eye contact
with a woman from the get-go you lost the game before you
even really started to play. You might get a second chance to
turn the tables after poor initial eye contact, but in many social
situations such as a bar or nightclub your eye contact
determines how she will react when you approach her. So, why
relying on second chances when you can do it right from the
start? If women usually give you the cold shoulder it might have
something to do with your eye-to-eye communication. Don’t
worry we’ll get this handled. The bad news is that a poor eye
contact will almost dead- sure kill your chances with a woman.
The good news, on the other hand, is that it’s relatively easy to
learn and use attractive eye contact. If you know that you have
a hard time with looking people in the eyes try this 7-day
exercise. Dedicate one week to getting your eye contact issue
handled. During this week simply make eye contact with
anyone during the day and hold until THEY break it. This might
feel very odd at the beginning, especially if you aren’t used to
making strong eye contact. You might have to force yourself to
maintain eye contact and you will feel the tension adding up the
longer your eyes meet. Practicing strong eye contact for one
week straight will get you used to the pressure and discomfort
when looking people in the eyes. Once you’ve mastered this
skill you will not only feel more confident, in general but also
will have better interactions with both genders. If one week isn’t
enough to get this issue fixed go for another week. A word of
warning. Of course, don’t do the eye contact exercise in every
situation during this week. There might be occasions that could
get you in some trouble when you force eye contact. Calibrate
wisely whether the situation or the person suits to practice eye
contact. Staring down your boss might not be the best idea. Do
the exercise with random strangers and not with people you
know. How to have attracting eye contact with women?
Attracting women with your eyes and paving the way for a
striking conversation isn’t that hard to do. The basic rule of
attractive eye contact is to hold the gaze and let her look away
first. Right, that’s why the exercise explained above will help
you to do exactly that. See, when you meet eyes with an
attractive woman and you shyly break the eye contact before
she does, you told her that you couldn’t handle her anyway and
that she better keeps looking for another guy. The unconscious
mind of a woman interprets weak eye contact as an indicator of
a lack of dominance, leadership qualities, and mental strength.
Especially the dominance factor plays an immanent role with
eye contact. Prison inmates do stare downs to figure out who is
more dominant. Who looks away first subordinates to the
winner in the pecking order. Though, not only in jail eye contact
is used to check who’s in charge. Women do basically the
same to see if you “can stand your man”. Therefore get used to
holding a strong eye contact even if it’s intimidating as hell.
However, a stare down-like eye contact is only meant for initial
interactions. Once a relationship is established between the
both of you, eye contact can come back to “normal” and you
can occasionally look away first as well.

Secret 22: Open the Bad Boy Way

So far so nice. Though, now it gets serious. You can learn
everything about inner game and attraction theory, but this will
not get you what you want, right? The rubber needs to meet the
road as they say. You have to talk to woman if you want to
meet them and the first step is to open a conversation. If you
can’t open a woman you will always have to rely on chance and
hope that suddenly a conversation strikes up out of the blue.
That’s nice guy behavior. As you might guess by now I’m not a
big fan of canned lines or artificial behavior. Though, in the
beginning it’s better to use prepared lines—what btw is totally
2008—than to not approach women. When I remember as I
started out meeting women I could only approach when I knew
exactly what I’m was going to say. If I didn’t know how to open
her I just couldn’t walk over, I was too scared. A lot of men I
know can’t approach a woman because they simply don’t know
what to say and so they just linger around her hoping that a
miracle happens and they simply slip into the conversation. But
you know as well as me that miracles like that just rarely
happen. When it comes to meeting women you need to do
action, there is no way around. So if it’s easier for you prepare
some lines for every common situation you normally would like
to meet women get prepared. Being prepared serves two
benefits. One, you don’t have the excuse that you don’t know
what to say. Two, you don’t need to focus on what you say so
that you can rather focus on how you say it and on your body
language etc. Anyway, to get you started, come up with two or
three lines for common situations you like to meet women. You
maybe want to have some lines for a bar, nightclub, street, mall
and house party. Since I have a good day as I’m writing this, I
will give you some of my patented lines that helped me to start
conversations. Feel free to try them. OPENERS For bars or
nightclubs “Hey, the bouncer told me I should keep an eye on
you guys since some of you look like troublemakers.” (for a
group of girls) “I’m looking for a contestant for a dance battle
and your face says that you are looking for a challenge.” “Oh
excuse me, quick question me and my friends were just talking
about you guys and we got in a little argument whether you are
arrogant or cool. So they sent me on the mission to see who’s
right.” For house parties “Hey, how have you met [name of the
host]?” “Hey, what do you like best at the party, the music, the
food, or me?” “Hey, I’ve just wondered if you were up for a
dance battle if I get the DJ to play MC Hammer?” For public
places “Hey, I just saw you and I thought the hat (choose a
feature of her looks you like) you’re wearing is pretty
extraverted, what’s the story about it?” “Hey, I just saw you and
I just thought that I would be the most stupid man on earth if I
wouldn’t come and say “hello” at least.” “Hey, you look
somewhat interesting are you an artist?” “Hey, you look a little
sad and you maybe had a bad day so I have a free joke for you
to lift you up a bit.” (Smile and tell a joke if she wants to hear it)
For any occasion “Hey, what’s your story, I’m curious?” “Is a
simple “hello” enough or do you prefer a good old pick-up line
from the 90s?” (Have a silly line prepared if she wants to hear
it, which will happen most of the time) And here’s a special one.
When you go out the next time you say this to the woman.
“Hey, my uncle Hank told me I should go up to every woman
that I find attractive and tell her that I’m out tonight to meet
interesting people and now it’s your turn.” So nuff of that. These
are just examples, of course, and I would really like to see you
coming up with your own lines that reflect your personality. All
of these lines will only work if delivered with a fun spirit and a
self-amused attitude. As you soon will figure out it’s not about
what you say, but rather more about how you come across as a
person. If you bring the fun (value) your words won’t make that
much of a difference. On the other side, if you act like an
insecure nice guy even a line crafted by Shakespeare wouldn’t
help you. And without a doubt, opening lines are way too
overrated. I see guys ponder about the best words to say like
an obsessed scientist breeds over the world formula. Don’t do
that, it isn’t necessary. Do you really think that women will have
sex with you because of your opening line? The line simply
gets you her attention and provides the opportunity to enter a
conversation, that’s all. And if you are in a hilarious
conversation with her and joke around having the time of your
life the line doesn’t matter anymore, it’s gone like a fart in the
wind anyway. What I recommend doing early on is to simply
use a variation of “Hi” and a blank mind. It’s a whole different
thing if you open a woman with nothing in mind except a “Hi”
than to use canned stuff. Women will even appreciate if you
don’t know what to say next and struggle a bit as long as it is
ok for you. Always keep in mind that nothing in life and
especially meeting women is smooth. It’s not meant to be
smooth. Go in a conversation with a blank mind and freestyle
your way through, that’s what bad boys do. It’s a free fall, enjoy
it.
11 Lifestyle Secrets

After we faced your inner daemons and worked on your outer

game the final step is to establish a lifestyle you love and that
draws women in your life on a consistent base. What most
guys don’t understand is that there is no single source neither
for happiness and fulfillment nor for frustration and
dissatisfaction. Sure, having the choice with women is fantastic
and every man should experience this kind of abundance.
Though, women alone won’t make you feel durably fulfilled. If
you just want women to mute your frustration and to find
happiness you entered a fucking dead end. Life doesn’t work
like a horoscope with distinct areas like wealth, romance, and
health. No way. Everything is part of the same—your lifestyle. If
one area is out of balance it will impact every other area as
well. If your house is on fire it’s not enough to extinguish the fire
in your living room only. The flames from bedroom will set it on
fire again. In this final section, you will learn how you can
develop a life you love so that women will love to be part of it.

Secret 23: Develop a Lifestyle You Love

As you’ve learned so far women shouldn’t be the center of your
life. Your life should be the center of your life. See, what a lot of
nice guys do is to pursue women to feel happy with their lives.
They treat women and sex as a magic pill to live happily.
Reality is a little different, though. Women are not placed in this
world to make you happy. Yah, that sounds controversial
because social conditioning taught us that you can’t be happy
without a woman. It’s not the woman’s job to make you happy.
Women will sense if a man is giving her the responsibility over
his happiness and guess what, they won’t accept it. The much
better way is to get a life that you actually love. When you have
a lifestyle that you want you will automatically draw women in.
Women don’t like to take on the role of the savior who rescues
a man from his dull and boring life. Women find it attractive
when a man has developed a lifestyle for him that he enjoys. If
you value women more than your own life you will sweat the
scent of neediness and women will smell it instantly. A woman
pictures herself in the life of a man and imagines how it would
be being with that man. How to develop a lifestyle you love?
Great question but, unfortunately, there is no definite answer to
this. Though, I have collected some questions you can ask
yourself to see if you might lack the basics of a lifestyle you can
love. When have I done something new the last time? We need
to do something new from time to time. Do I learn new stuff
regularly? For personal growth, we need to learn new things.
When have I done something challenging the last time? We
need to attack obstacles and go for what is slightly above our
current skill level. Do I have enough flow activities in my life?
Flow activities are moments where you are fully in the now
enjoying what you are doing and forget about the rest. Do I
follow my fears? Overcoming fears and expanding the comfort
zone is a key element of living happily. Are too many areas of
my life being externally controlled? We need the sense of
autonomy and that we can influence the course of our life.
Have I set up my life so that it matches my values? We want to
live in alignment to our values and act according to what we
believe. Can I live authentically? Internal congruence between
values, beliefs, opinions and actions is king when it comes to
lifestyle enhancement. What do I want to be remembered for?
Reverse engineering our life can help us to understand what
we should do now. Are the people I’m surrounding myself with
helping me becoming the man I want to be? The people we
choose to be around us have a huge impact on us. We will
become like the people in our periphery so choose your social
environment carefully and with intent. Do I have a passion?
Following your passion doesn’t need to be the thing you do
most of your time, but having found a passion will give you
more power in life. Of course, this list is by far not exhausted,
but if you answer these questions honestly you will get a clue
why you might not love your life yet. Maybe you should think
about to change your job or cut some negative people out of
your life. Whatever it is, the most important thing though, is that
you take control over your life and don’t just watch your life like
a paralyzed spectator. There is no reason to procrastinate
working on your life. If you think women will fix what you hate
about your life… sorry, that’s not gonna happen. If you start
building a life, you love a lot of nice guyish insecurities with
women will just go away by itself. Life is your masterpiece –
sculpture it.

Secret 24: Establish Personal Boundaries

One of the most powerful words you can use in the initial
attraction phase is “no”. Beautiful women are surrounded with
yes-men who agree to everything she does to immaturely try to
increase their chances to get her into bed. Though, women
hate it when a man agrees to everything she does. Sometimes
they are so annoyed and even angry on the wimpy man that
she goes over the top with acting rude in order to get a “real”
reaction, a “no” from the man. Women will lose respect for you
if you take every s*** from her. Establish strong personal
boundaries that are more important to you than the woman you
are talking to. At first this sounds counterintuitive, but in the end
it’s just your courage to answer her back if she crosses your
borders. A woman needs to know that you will not take every
immature behavior from her. Like in life, in general, you can’t
trust yes-men. It’s a powerful move of integrity to put your
boundaries over the goal to lay the woman. Don’t exchange
your integrity for approval or sex, it isn’t worth it and it won’t
take you any closer to attracting her. If you don’t agree with her
opinion tell her. If she asks you for your opinion give your
honest opinion. In many cases, you will be better off with she
disagreeing with you on a certain topic than telling her what she
wants to hear just to move a step closer to vagina land. Think
about it, would you take any behavior from your friends? No, at
least I don’t hope so. If one of your friends acts cheeky you just
tell him to stop being a little brat, right? You just don’t take it.
The same works wonders with women. Don’t think I wouldn’t
know that it is hard to talk back to a woman who is so beautiful
that you almost get sick of it. Though, once you’ve developed
personal boundaries protect them like a country protects its
borders.

Secret 25: Find Your Passion Beyond

Women
You know that women say they want a man who has his life
together. Ever wondered what that means? It’s basically saying
that they want a man who has goals and acts upon them. A
man who is beyond childish drifting through life. It’s not so
important that you are successful yet, but women feel drawn to
men with prospect. Women might say that they want to be
number one in your life. Though, actually they want to be an
important part in your life, but a woman will lose respect for you
if you sacrifice your passion for her. David Deida writes it in his
book The Way Of The Superior Man (a book you MUST read if
you haven’t yet) that the most attractive thing a man can do is
to have a purpose in life. He needs to follow his purpose and
not letting him be distracted by the drama of a woman. This is
about trust and integrity and that’s what women really want in a
man. Why should I have a passion? Finding a passion will
enhance your lifestyle in many ways. You will grow as a
person. You will challenge yourself. You will experience flow
moments. You will develop willpower and endurance. You will
learn how to deal with setbacks and frustration. How to find
your passion? That’s the tricky part of it. Most men don’t find
their passion for life right away and switch several times in life.
You don’t need to know your life’s passion already. Even
though it’s always better if you know what you are heading to
early on in life. Ask yourself: What are you good at? Which
activities give you flow moments? What do you want to be
remembered for? What should be your legacy? What would
you do all day if there were no obligation like income or time?
Quintessence: Don’t make women the most important thing in
your life. The issue with women will fall in place by itself when
you have your life directed to a destiny.

Secret 26: Know Who You Are

Who are you? Sounds like a silly question, but most people just
don’t know how they are and what they want. They end up in
situations wondering what happened to them and why they
aren’t satisfied. If you get what you think you want but it is not
what you actually needed you wasted your energy on the
wrong thing. Energy and time are not infinite so don’t waste it
on the wrong goals. With women, if you don’t know what you
are actually looking for you will likely get what you don’t want
and need. If you don’t know yourself you will attract the wrong
woman. For instance, if you are a very stable guy who likes
some orderliness in his life a super-freaked out skater tattoo-
junky woman might not be the best for you in the long run. If
you need time for yourself and love autonomy a mega-clingy
woman who wants to be with you from dawn till dusk might not
be the best long-term choice. The same way you better know
what kind of relationship you want. Are you looking for casual
short-term fun or a serious relationship? You better know what
you need in this point of your life. You don’t want to end up as a
notorious player dude who bangs his harem but secretly craves
a deep connection to a particular woman. On the other hand,
you don’t want to settle with a woman because you think that’s
the thing to do although you think about picking up random
women in nightclubs. The wrong woman will only cause drama
in your life. The mainstream society has its narrative which is
finding a “special” woman and live with her happily ever after,
but the pick-up community has its social conditioning as well. In
the scene, hooking up with a great number of random women
without a deeper connection has become the standard way and
there is nothing wrong about it. I’m just saying that you need to
figure out what is the right thing for you so that you don’t follow
empty promises. Know why you want more women in your life.
Do you want more because you need validation, or because
you think this will make you happy, or because you want to
make you friends jealous? Find the “real” reason and be honest
to yourself: I’m not saying there are ultimate wrong reasons to
learn how to seduce women, but I just want you to think about
whether you are pursuing dummies you believe you need.
Don’t be blinded by the superficiality of life and dig deeper to
find your core. Know why you are doing something and don’t
follow your desires blindly. Do other people run your life? Do
you follow other people’s way? Don’t be a victim of social
conditioning and don’t follow someone else’s dream. Anyway,
women love men who know who they are and what they want
in life.

Secret 27: Stand By You

Authenticity is the new thing in the pick-up movement. Though,
it’s not really new, authenticity just has been neglected for a
long time, a time where weird techniques and strange methods
were running the show. Being authentic, however, has always
played a main role in the attraction game. Fortunately, the trend
is going towards congruence again. So what is authenticity
actually? Man, you ask some tough questions, but I will see if I
can give a definition. For me, authenticity means acting in total
alignment with your values and the willingness pay your price
to stand by you. This might not be the most sophisticated
definition on the planet, but it works for me. In his book How To
Not Fuck Up Your Life, Stuart Ash defines authenticity as “[…]a
deep inner connection to the own core and behaving in total
congruence to the vibe of one’s personality.” I believe the root
of all inauthenticity is the fear that projecting who we really are
will not be good enough. We bend the truth or tell somebody
what he wants to hear or agree on an opinion that we don’t
genuinely share just to avoid conflict and so on. Have you ever
done something that didn’t feel right, but you thought being
yourself would have had some negative consequences? No
question, we all have. Anyway, believe it or not, humans and
especially women do have a detector for fake behavior. And
guess what, they don’t like men who don’t stand by themselves
because they fear the reactions. Men tend to lose authenticity
when they are talking to a beautiful woman because they
switch into panic mode. They become stiff and behave
unnaturally because every possible behavior that would appear
natural gets pushed through a filter before. Women will sense
when men hold back and don’t express themselves fully. By the
way, the fear of running out on things to say is a dead-sure
symptom of inauthenticity. There are infinite things you can say
at any time you just run out on words because you filter them to
only say what you believe is good enough. If you wouldn’t fear
that you could say something “wrong” and lose her you would
have something to say always. Period. Being authentic means
that you are willing to lose women in order to stand by your
values. If you are trading approval and affection for your
authenticity, you are playing a losing game. First, because it
doesn’t work most of the time, at least not with high-quality
women, and second, because it won’t bring you any further in
your personal development. You will only get something
overvalued and lose something you don’t value enough. I
guess it’s a question of philosophy, but my turn on it is that if I
don’t like spending time with a woman outside the bed I don’t
need her in my bed. Laying women I don’t like is by itself
inauthentic to me, but I’m not a preacher so figure out yourself
if it’s worth exchanging authenticity for sex. Being incongruent
is also a sign that you don’t love your life yet. If you love
yourself and your life more than any women you will project
who you are and don’t care if some women won’t like it.
Inauthenticity is not exclusively a nice guy problem, we all have
issues with expressing our true core. A bad boy, though,
accepts that losing women because of being himself will be a
price that is needed to be paid. He is honest to himself, knows
his own values and relies on women’s ability to spot and
dismiss inauthentic wimps, which they will. If you are authentic
and congruent to your internal values you’ve already won. I
want to end this chapter with another quote by Stuart Ash who
said: “He who lives an authentic life fearlessly projects who he
is out there, knowing that false approval worth infinitely less
than honest rejection.”

Secret 28: Take Responsibility over the

Man You Will Become
If you would have a baby you would take care of it, wouldn’t
you? A baby can’t take care of itself and needs others to do it.
Your baby would be totally dependent on you. Your baby would
have to suffer from everything you mess up, everything you do
and don’t do. I literally hear you mumbling, “Hank there were
many controversial and strange concepts so far, but now
you’ve gone looney. I want to meet women and not talking
about babies”. Ok, I get it, but wait a moment before you send
me to the madhouse. Let me explain what this has to do with
your success with women. You do have a baby in some way or
another. The baby in this metaphor is your future self. Your
future self and a baby have many parallels. You are
responsible for the man you will be in 1 year, 5 years or 10
years. The man you will become in the future can’t take
decisions and alter the way of his life. The man you will once
become is depending on what you do now. The only person
who can make a difference is you. Ask yourself what will
happen to your future self if you don’t approach this woman.
What if you won’t get your issues with women handled? How
will your life look like if anxiety keeps running your life? Be sure
that the man you will be in the future will look at you from the
mirror and ask you if you did all you could to utilize your
potential. And I’m sure you want the man that will look at you
from the mirror to have life in his eyes. Would your future self
will look at you with respect if you don’t get this problem
handled? So whenever you ask yourself whether you should
talk to a woman think about your future you. Anyway, you will
have to justify your decisions to the older you. If you are young
I can understand your doubt about all this, but I know that this
will happen. It happened to me as a thirtysomething I regret a
lot of the decisions my 20-year-old self took. And my 40-year-
old self will look back at my 30-year-old self and ask why I
didn’t take more action. This keeps me motivated to become
the best version I can. It helps me to handle my fears. Take
responsibility for the person you will once become—he needs
you.

Secret 29: Do Your Own Thing

Now-a-days many people live their lives to meet the
expectations of others. They don’t do what they want and bury
their dreams to fit the norms of society. That’s one of the major
differences of nice guys and bad boys. Bad boys stick to the
rules as long as they support their goals, but they know that
rules sometimes have to be bent or broke. I don’t talk about
starting a criminal career, but rather about that a mild form of
rebelliousness is necessary today. It’s attractive when a man
does his own thing. All great inventors have walked on their
own paths. Bad boys don’t listen to others when they have a
passion they follow. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take
advice. All successful men have referred to others who already
were successful in a certain area. Life is constant learning and
you can learn from success such as from failure. Though, if you
learn from failures it doesn’t necessarily have to be your own
failures. Anyway, bad boys aren’t depending on others when it
comes to the question how to live life. It’s hard to do your own
thing because of social pressure and societal standards. Living
within the social norms feels comfortable, I know. You know
what you will get by walking on the path that most other people
walked before you and it’s just easier to swim with the fish. The
path of the masses though, will lead to mediocrity. If you do
what everyone does you will get what everyone gets. Going
your own way despite all the naysayers around you will be an
attractive trait that women can’t overlook.

Secret 30: Grow From Your Weakness

People say you should always put your best foot forward and
that’s a good advice. Though, there are times you need to
stand by your weak spots. Don’t hide your weak sides or
override it with silly attempts of being cool. Don’t get this wrong
when I say it’s ok to have weaknesses I don’t mean it’s ok to be
a whiner, complainer, passive-aggressive wimp or self-pitiful
wussy. Nobody likes these guys. What I actually mean is that
everyone has weaknesses and that’s ok and nothing to be
angry about. However, what separates nice guys from bad
boys is that nice guys use their weaknesses as an excuse for
not taking action. They play the “I am too …”-game or try to
cover their weak spots up with superficial toughness that looks
so artificial like the tons of make-up on older women’s faces
who want to pass for a twenty-year-old. Avoid the two
inexcusable ways to deal with your weaknesses. 1) Using them
as an excuse and 2) trying to hide them with artificial coolness.
It’s ok if you haven’t reached what you want to achieve as long
as you know about your weaknesses and work on them.
Women don’t necessarily want the perfect man, but they
definitely want a man with potential. As long as you stand by
your weaknesses you will likely get away with them. You don’t
have a job or you are still overweight won’t be a huge turn-off
for most women if they see that you are doing something about
it. Of course, I’m also talking about other weaknesses whether
you are not as confident as you want, or your social skills aren’t
as good as you want them to be, see your weaknesses a
chance to grow. This will make you incredibly attractive if you
stand by your weak spots and do something about it. Don’t
pretend to be better than you are—why should you? Hiding
your weaknesses would only communicate that you think you
are not good enough for her. Show vulnerability and you will
stand out from the mass of tough-outside-wimp-inside chodes.

Secret 31: Act Like Your Future Self

One of the best ways to get what you want is to act and feel as
if you already have it. This, of course, doesn’t apply to every
situation. If you want to be a millionaire but don’t have the big
bills in your pocket you can’t overspend and act as if you are
wealthy. Though, when it comes to confidence with women, for
instance, acting like your future self can work pretty well. Ask
yourself how it would look if you would already be there where
you want to be. How would you feel if you would have all the
success with women that you desire? And especially how
would you behave if you would be the man you once want to
become? Paint a clear picture of specific situations with women
that you aren’t satisfied with. Then think about how it would
look like if you would have got your issues handled. Imagine
your future (optimal) self acting in these situations. How would
it look different and how would it feel different? Let’s make it
concrete. I always had the problem that I got very nervous
around beautiful women. So nervous that I had no chance
attracting her because I came across as a little puppy playing
with ‘da big dogs’. Then I imagined how my future self would
act and how it would feel. My future I would have a very calm
body language and would move much slower than I was used
to. When I imagined my ideal self-talk, I heard him speaking
slowly and with a deep voice. He would look everyone in the
eye and slightly touch the person he is talking to. These were
concrete behaviors I could just mimic. Even if this didn’t felt and
looked very natural just forcing myself to behave that way
helped me to understand that I actually could become that man
—my ideal self. The more I “acted” the way I wanted to be the
more I became this person. It’s the old fake it till you make it.
Sure, in the “faking phase” I messed up many interactions
because I wasn’t congruent enough, but at the end I simply
turned into the person I pretended to be. I felt like an actor in
my own life who was playing a scripted role. By the need for
congruence, your mind adapts your emotions and your beliefs.
If you act confidently you will over short or long feel and
eventually be confident. Wait a moment Hank, haven’t you said
that authenticity is king with developing an attractive
personality? Don’t you just advice the very opposite here? Well
observed Inspector Columbo. Though, there is a little difference
here. If you want to change your personality and become a
more attractive version of yourself it’s inevitable that you have
to act outside your normal pattern. This makes you a little
inauthentic that might be true, though. However, moving
towards a “better” you is by itself and act of authenticity. Not
trying to live up to your potential would be rather inauthentic.
Sure, any transformative process takes a bit of “not being you”.
Inauthentic would mean that you fake something just to get the
quick result. To be authentic, you fake with the goal of
becoming in mind. The faking is just crutches you throw away a
soon as you can walk without them. So act as your future you
and fake in order to become the man you want, can and should
be.
Secret 32: Challenge Yourself
Do you ever think about how easy women have it to get laid
and find men who court them? Have you ever been jealous that
you just can’t rely on your looks no matter how good it is? Ever
been angry that you have to work so hard to attract girls and
they just need to be beautiful? If so then you feel like many
men do, especially nice guys feel that way. It seems to be
unfair. Though, in my opinion it’s not. See, for you attracting
women means that you need to have your shit together, be
confident, funny, dominant and everything else we’ve been
discussing in this book. And I think that’s really great. You know
why? Because mostly the easy way leads to nowhere good.
While beautiful women don’t get a lot of negative feedback
because no one has the courage to talk back on them, you as a
man get tons of negative feedback. Not confident enough—
blown out. Poor body language—Blown out. Boring
conversationalist—blown out. Not getting physical—blown out.
And so on and on. Every little insecurity can mean game over
for your attempt to attract a woman. So you are being put
through a harsh cycle of criticism again and again. You get
shown your weak spots if you will so. For guys who don’t know
that attracting women is a learnable skill these negative
feedback loops can be utterly devastating. You instead, know
that a rejection is not about you as a person it’s at max due to a
yet not filed enough skill level. The negative feedback you are
getting as a man can be the fuel for our improvement engine. If
we want to get good with women (or in life, in general) we need
this negative feedback loops to discover our potential to
improve. Women, on the other hand, not rarely live a life of
almost no negative feedback. Nobody and especially not men
who have a sexual interest in her are courageous enough to
not accept immature behavior because they fear that she could
dump them. Therefore sometimes these highly beautiful
women enter their thirties as an immature brat with almost no
personality. They never developed self-monitoring, willpower,
tolerance towards frustration or any other of the “good stuff”.
They actually never had to build real confidence and personal
strength because they always got everything they wanted being
served on a platter. They never needed to work for something
and so they never had the chance to grow as a person. Now as
thirtysomethings they need to realize that their beauty declines
and that man are no longer reacting that well towards them
anymore. These women will have a hard time to attract a high-
quality man who wants a long term relationship. When the
beauty of a woman is about to diminish and she doesn’t have a
great personality she’s in a very bad position in the mating field.
The environment will not take her childish behavior anymore,
what should not have been accepted in the first place. She will
not get away with her infantile personality once the beauty is
going down like the titanic. There are basically two things to
learn here. First, emphasize that the process is hard and that
you get some harsh negative feedback. All your insecurities
and internal bullshit will be ground away slowly but constantly
so that you will develop an attractive personality. And secondly,
you neither do yourself a favor nor her when you accept every
behavior no matter how immature it is. Additionally women will
find it very attractive if you have the balls to talk back to her. Of
course, don’t use this as a method just don’t accept every
behavior and stand by your standards. If you are willing to lose
her because you give her negative feedback she will likely stay.
Even more she might be thankful that you aren’t one of these
yes-men that she is used to be surrounded with. In many
cases, she will appreciate your courage to talk back to her and
it will likely ramp up the attraction. In the end, tough is good. It
will help you to become who you can become. So appreciate
that you don’t have it easy and be grateful for all the feedback
you get along the way.
Secret 33: The Greatest Risk is to Play it
Safe
Humans are risk aversion machines. We like to play it safe and
let opportunities to gain success or grow as a person fly by as
long as we can maintain the current state. That should not
sound like an accusation; it’s just a human thing. We are not
meant to like risks because most of the risk in caveman times
could end in death. Therefore, a natural risk aversion is a
healthy development. However, I don’t give you a free ticket to
play your life safe, no no. In simple terms, there is beneficial
risk aversion and detrimental risk aversion. Our job in life now
is it to learn to distinguish between the both in order to stay
away from the “real” risks and accept the risks you need to
take. When I talk about “real” risks then I mean things you
should avoid because you can damage yourself. Situations you
lack education and experience with bare risks. You might
remember the TV show Jackass that showed a pack of men
doing stunts and other crazy s***. As Jackass became popular
many morons tried to mimic what they saw on the show and
paid with broken bones and heavy injuries. Don’t get me wrong,
I loved the show, but what most of the copycats didn’t know
was that most of the Jackass dudes were professional
stuntmen. What they did looked goony but they knew what they
do. That’s a good example for beneficial risk aversion. If you
lack know-how and experience in performing stunt acts you
probably shouldn’t. I’m just astounded how many people take
moronic risk that could lead to serious damage, but at the same
time shy away from “harmless” risks. The most common
detrimental risk we avoid are: 1) The risk to fail 2) The risk to
look like a fool These both go hand in hand and can ruin our
development and success in any area of life. Whenever you try
something new you have to deal with these risks. When you
approach a woman you can “fail” and you will feel like a fool if
she blows you off. Though, there is no real danger involved.
Although you might lack education and experience in meeting
women, the result won’t be seriously damaging unless she
pulls out pepper spray or a teaser which will never happen if
you don’t act like a super creepy jerk. The basic gist is that you
don’t need to like risks, but you have to accept that taking risk
belongs to growth and success. If you want to apply some
reverse psychology walk up to a girl and try to get rejected on
purpose or go to a club and make a fool out of yourself by
doing the most ridiculous dance ever seen by man. Ok
seriously, whenever there is something to achieve may it be
with women or any other area in life, you will not get it without
accepting the risk. I don’t want to get too philosophical, but
maybe this is the way nature separates the wimps from the
winners. Make peace with the idea that you can fail and look
like a fool. At the end of the day, those are the real fools who
haven’t tried anything because they were too risk aversive. And
isn’t not taking risks the biggest risk we can take? A risk that
spoiled many men’s life leaving them with living a secure but
lonely life. In a world of infinite potentials not taking acceptable
risks is the greatest danger.
You’ve Made it…

Here you are. You’ve read through this whole book. I’m sure
you faced some uncomfortable stuff here and there. You’ve
earned my respect. I know myself how hard it is to face the
truth and admit that one needs a little help. Even harder is it to
be honest to oneself to confess that life isn’t the way that it
should be. But this is the first step and the first step is always
the hardest as they say. You’ve definitely made the first (and
I’m sure many more steps) towards a fulfilling love life. Though,
enough flattery for now, I have something serious that I need to
tell you. I’ve laid out the whole blueprint of an attractive man for
you in this book. However, this all means a flying fuck if you
don’t put it into action. No woman has ever been seduced while
thinking about doing it and no life has ever been changed for
the better without working on it. Now is the time to take it in
your hands, don’t wait for something to happen—make it
happen. The most important message I wanted to give you is
not about how to get threesomes or build a harem (that’s cool
of course), but that you can become the man you want to be
and lead the life you want. Everything in this book are tools to
work on becoming more attractive for women and develop a
lifestyle you enjoy. Though, the bitter truth is that nothing will
work if you don’t believe that change is possible. I know that it
is possible to change the course of life because I did it myself
and I know a lot of men who did it as well. I don’t know if this
book is your first contact with self-improvement and seduction,
but anyway I hope you already feel the potential within you to
become a better version of yourself. You went through and will
go through setbacks, frustration and failure on your way to an
attractive man, we all have. Sometimes pain is the price for
improvement. Nothing that means something will be easily
achieved. But at the end your future you will thank you for your
courage to attack your issues with women to give the man you
could become the chance to be realized. It was a pleasure
meeting you. Yours Hank And never forget: The world needs
you, the world needs the man you will become.
Table of Contents
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11 Attraction Secrets
11 Lifestyle Secrets