Kerala Theological Seminary Kottarakara

Sub: Ministerial Formation of a Christian Minister

Maturity in Interpersonal Relationships
Rev. Binoy Samuel

Introduction
Commitment is a strong desire; dedication, submission, and willingness to do something for
God or somebody in any cause such as Christian ministers have been doing for the kingdom
of God. In this paper we are going to deal about the maturity in interpersonal relationship of a
minister especially the commitment of a minister including commitment to transcend unjust
boundaries, commitment to transparency, integrity, and honesty, commitment to
acknowledge and resolve conflict justly, commitment to be open to criticism and respect
dissent, and commitment to overcome unfair criticism by keeping channel of communication
open.
Maturity in Interpersonal Relationship
One of the most distinctive aspects of human being is that we are social beings. Interpersonal
relationships are having been the core of our social system since the dawn of civilization.
Interpersonal relationship is defined as a close association between individuals who share
common interests and goals. Interpersonal relationships are social associations, connections,
or affiliation between two or more people. An interpersonal relationship is a mutual filling of
needs. When two people have strong needs and each fills the other's needs, there is a
powerful interpersonal relationship. When two people have weak needs and each fills the
other's needs, there is a mild relationship.
1. Commitment to appreciate and encourage others
Commitment is a strong belief in an idea or a system. A commitment is something which
regularly takes up some our time because of an agreement we have made or because of |
responsibilities that we have. Commitment is a promise to do or give something, and it is an
attitude of someone who works very hard to do or to support something.
Understanding and helping people: A Christian minister should understand (interpret)
others spiritual and physical matter. The first approach or most important tool is listening,
and a willingness to hear rehearsals of injustices and complaints of helplessness may convey
a message of respect, helping to restore the persons own sense of value and dignity.
2. Commitment to care for people compassionately Compassion:
Compassion from a Latin word, it’s meaning ‘to bear’, to suffer in common use it suggests
sympathy or pity for the plight of other. Compassion appears to be rooted in the capacity to
reconstruct the situation of another imaginatively and to respond to it emotionally and shape
by its meaning and values of the culture.
Becoming compassion (kindness): Understanding once difficulties and being kind and
warm in the face of failure or setback rather than harshly judgement and self-critical.
Mindful acceptance: Awareness and acceptance of painful thoughts and feelings rather than
over-identifying with them. Mt. 9:35-28, “The Jesus wert about all the cities. When he saw
the crowds, he had compassion them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep
without a shepherd”. However, church is a caring and Christ-centred community, a
representative of God's love and has responsibility to take care and have compassion upon the
people who are being harassed and helpless. 1Pet. 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him,
because he cares for you".
Pastoral Care for people: According Hiltner, he specified the three main functions of a
Christian minister in pastoral care is healing, sustaining, and guiding.
(1) Healing: It is a process that makes a person whole or re-becoming and restoring the
functional wholeness that has been impaired as to direction and/ or schedule.
(2) Sustaining: It is the process “standing by” when the situation is such that, at least for the
time being, change is not possible, one stands by and makes sustenance available. “This is the
ministry of comforting”.
(3) Guiding: Hiltner calls this an “educative guiding”, that is, to make available something
which is already within or around the person. The pastoral guide makes the choices available
and the person makes the decision.
3. Commitment to bring about reconciliation and justice:
(a) Reconciliation: it is the task of re-establishing broken relationship between men and
fellow women, and between human and God. This can be done through discipline and
forgiveness, which restores relationships through proclamation, confession absolution, and
the like, and discipline, which reviews behaviour and places persons in situations that can
lead to restored relationships.
Commitment to bring the reconciliation: As Christian minister we should have the
commitment to bring the reconciliation in community where we do the ministry or live.
(a) Through The Word of God: The reconciliation can be brought within/outside the church
through the Word of God, when Corinthian church had division within the church Paul
encouraged them through the Word of God to bring the reconciliation among the believers
(2" Cor. 2:5-11), so as Christian minister we should use the word of God ina meaningful way
as Paul did in order to bring reconciliation among the believers.
(b) Counselling: Counselling is one of the most important ways in the ministry to understand
the people; psychology helps us in different ways. As a minister of God we can bring
reconciliation among the people through an effective counselling.
(c) Through the Forgiveness: Forgiveness is one of the way to bring the reconciliation,
Mark 11:25 says, “when you stand for praying if you hold anything against anyone forgive
him so that your Father in heaven may forgive you”. It shows that when we forgive each
other we will also have a peaceful environment and a reconciliation community.
(d) Through Love: Jn.13:34 says “A new commandment I give to you that you love one
another as I have loved you so that you also love one another”. Because of God's marvellous
love He sent His only Son to this world to have the reconciliation with His people. As a
Christian minister we can bring the reconciliation through our loveable attitude based on
God/Christ-centred love.
Christian Ministry is a Mission of Re-conciliation: According to New Testament
scholarship, the term Reconciliation, with one exception (Mt. 5:24), is confined to the letters
of Paul. The verb katallasso (reconcile) and the noun katallage (reconciliation) are used by
Paul eleven times and this occur in some central passages of his theology where he tries to
express what God has done in Christ and the meaning of the gospel. Paul describes the
participation of the church in God’s reconciling mission to the world as a ministry of
reconciliation (2Cor. 5: 18-20).
(b) Justice: Justice properly is that action or legal decision which justifies and establishes the
right, and so expresses a person’s righteousness. The duty to execute justice was an integral
part of God’s law, founded upon his holiness, filled with his promises. Its standards were
plain: impartiality and the shunning of bribes and influence that would pervert justice (Exod.
23:1-3). While they are to look impartiality, authorities are directed to watch for the rights of
the poor, needy, fatherless, and afflicted. To do justice is the hallmark of the righteous king (2
Sam. 8:15), proof that he walks in the way of God’s wisdom.
Moreover, justice is the responsibility of all in the covenant community. Their experience of
God's gracious salvation demands in response that they show justice to others (Deut. 10:17-
19). Indeed to do justice is part of walking with God and displaying the same steadfast,
covenanting love, to do justice means to vindicate/justifies/supports the cause of the poor and
oppressed by heeding their cry, knowing their rights, and being their help, to deal fairly the
marketplace, to show an impartiality not favouring the rich, and to care for the hungry,
thirsty and naked.
Commitment to Bring Justice: The goal of the Christian vision is therefore a society in
which people are committed to work together for the removal of all forms of injustice, united
by the bond of love for the realization of the one in humanity.
God’s Throne is built upon the righteousness and justice: As a minster of Jesus we are
called w build up a community that embodies the new relationships of God's kingdom based
on freedom, justice, and dignity of every human person, love and fellowship. It became the
dharma of the kingdom, the dharma of Jesus. We are called to commit ourselves to Jesus’
praxis. The meaning of the love that is it unites God and humanity and neighbour to
neighbour. In so doing it liberates people and changes structure towards the justice it seeks.

1. Equality in the Church: In India we can see in society, there are many communities; each
community has its own significance that have in India and also we see there many
divisions..., we should consider ourselves as one in Christ, irrespective of their Caste, Colour,
Gender, background, possession, provision...,etc.
2. Giving opportunity to Women: In the sense they were oppressed in many ways in the
patriarchal society, were their fundamental rights were denied. So Church should be the
community to accept the women and uplift them in all the way that church can.
development.
3. Giving opportunity to the Poor
4 Allowing transgender to the Church
4.Commitment to develop non-abusive and non-exploitative relationships
Abusive means rude, unmannerly, offensive and insulting etc. The word exploitative means
unfair, unequal and abusive. Exod. 3-9 says, “And now the cry of the Israelite has reached
me, and have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them™. Luke. 4 18 says, “The Spit
of the Lard is on me, because he has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor, He has
sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release
the oppressed”. Since a Christian minister we have responsibility to stand behalf of the
people, who are being oppressed, and marginalized (Dalit, Tribal, and Adivasis etc). Since we
are the followers of Christ, God has entrusted his task upon as to become a role model of
Jesus Christ and to show the characteristics of him (God), Therefore we have to create and
look for a non-abusive means without having rude, unmannerly and insulting relationships
etc.
5. Commitment to transcend unjust boundaries
What is the unjust boundaries?
Transcend religious boundaries. A Christian minister should not have any barriers with a
person of other religion. H/She should feel free to help everyone; by transcending these
barriers he/she can show love of Jesus to everyone.
Transcend cast boundaries: When a Christian minister communicates with the people h/she
should be able to overcome the caste variations. Even in the churches bias should not be
shown between high caste and low caste.
Transcend poor and rich boundaries: In every church poor and rich people will gather, but a
pastor while communicating with the people h/she should not be partial, spending much time
with the rich people, giving position in the church to the rich. It should be avoided; rather a
pastor should give equal statues for all the believers in the church.
Transcend class, colour, disability boundaries: Class, colour and physical disability can be
the barriers in relationship with the people. Christian minister must be considered all people.
If a Christian minister consider about the class, colour, and physical appearance h/she cannot
communicate the Gospel properly to the people.
How to prevent unjust boundaries
Engage in Self-control: “A man without self-control is as defenceless as a city with broken-
down walls” (Prov. 25:28). “Think before you speak”. This is good suggestion that help us to
have positive relationship with those around us. Our thoughts and attitudes toward people
make a difference in how successful we are in our relations with others. We must always
exercise self-control in our relationship.
Do not engage in verbal abuse: most of us would never think of physically abusing a child
or a spouse, but we don’t think twice about being verbally abusive. Verbal abuse may come
in the form of short form of harsh words that are spoken without giving thought to how it will
make the other person feel.
Don’t be judgmental of others: this is one may be tough for most of us to do because every
day we make judgmental comments about other people. We find fault with others and make
kind of casual comments without any thought to the other person’s circumstance. (Luke 6:36-
37).
Practice forgiveness: Matthew 18:21 says that, “then Peter came to Jesus and asked, Lord,
how many times I shall forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?
Jesus answered, I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”. This is a powerful
message, and it tends to suggest that forgiveness is limitless.
6. Commitment to transparency, integrity, and honesty
Transparency
Generally, “transparency” implies openness, communication and accountability. It is a
metaphorical extension of the meaning a “transparent” object 1s one that can be seen through.
With regard to the services of a Christian minister, it means that holders of minsters should
be as open as possible about the decision and actions they take. They should give reason for
their decision and restrict information only when the wider public interest demands it.’
Similarly, a Christian minister must have transparency m all the dimensions such as spiritual,
social, etc.
Integrity
It is one of the most important and oft-cited of virtue term in the life of a Christian minister.
The concept of integrity has to do with perceived consistency of actions, values, methods,
measures, principles, expectations and outcome. When used as a virtue term, “integrity”
refers to a quality of a person’s character especially the Christian minister. Some people see
integrity as the quality of having a sense of sincerity and truthfulness in regard to the
motivations for one’s action.
Integrity in Ministry
Integrity in ministry the word ‘communion’ is always used to translate the Latin word
communion, or the Greek word koinonia. Integrity in ministry has been written on the
foundation of a theology of communion. It is an understanding of the church and its mission
that has its origin in Jesus’ life and teaching, which consciously directed the life of the church
in its first 10 centuries. This notion, so central to the life of the church, shapes the lives of all
the baptized, and offers a reference by which the way clergy and religious live and minister
may be evaluated.
Honesty: Honesty (Ps.15:2; 25:5; Jn. 16:6; 17; 2 Cor. 8:21; Eph. 4:15;25; Phil. 4:8) means
being straight and honest with others and doing what is right. That trait will allow us to earn
trust by being accurate with facts and situations. Honesty is holding onto Biblical principles
and being consistent with them. This will translate in all of our dealing equalling the hallmark
of integrity on how we really are and how we are really perceived.
7. Commitment to acknowledge and resolve conflicts justly
Acknowledge:
Acknowledge is to admit or accept certain facts or truth. Acknowledge just means that you
understand the situation well and you accept the facts of the mutation, whatever they may be.
As e Christian minister it one’s responsively to accept the things. He or she should be a good
listener than speaking, in the present context we can see that churches are involved in
corruptions. The believers in the church are from different context situations.”

How to Resolve Conflict

Be calm. Conflict usually engenders strong emotions and even anger but, in such a state, you
are unlikely to be particularly rational or in the mood for compromise.
Always show respect. However much you disagree with someone attack the argument, not
the person.
Be generous. In truth most conflicts is over matter of little substance and often it is mostly
pride or status that is at stake. Consider conceding the point to your opponent.
Apply rationally. Much conflict is not about substance but perception. Try to clear through
the perception to discover and agree on how thing really are.
Be aware of displacement. Especially where anger is concerned, sometimes the source of a
conflict is not what it appears to be, as anger is displaced.
Be precise. Someone might propose that something be done “sooner rather than later”.
Consider sequencing. Much conflict is created and aggravated by lack of trust.
Accept the situation. A conflict is not like mathematics. There is not always a solution
waiting to de found and, if there is a solution, it is unlikely to be the only one.
8. Commitments to be open to criticism and respect dissent
Commitment to be open to criticism
A criticism is constructive and worthy of attention when is delivered directly and without
malice. A minister is warned to avoid recombining guilty of criticism, so be must be
conditioned to be personally distressed if he finds himself as a person, whom all criticizes. He
should not be revengeful nor defend himself. There are inevitable difficulties and
misunderstanding which and between ministers. Being Human, ministers, ministers will
sometimes be guilty of selfish or misguided acts for which they will be criticized.
Commitment to Respect dissent
Dissent simply means disagreement. It is a considered judgment that departs from
authoritative doctrine of the church generally marked by an acceptance both of the church
and the binding nature of the Christian doctrine, true dissent objects to a particular point of
teaching without seeking separation from the church and its authority. When a minister takes
new decision others may not agree. However, ministers sometimes are forced to make
decisions which will be misunderstood by those who must accept an unwanted answer.
9. Commitments to overcome unfair criticism by keeping channel of communication
open
Unfair criticism is not based on or behaving according to the principles of equality and
justice. Sometimes we may do well for individual, family and organization but response will
be given critically or wrong ways. The way you chose to response to friendly fire will greatly
shapes your reputation. Take the high road and response with integrity, empathy and
professionalism. To understand a person’s motivation for being unfair critical, is the person
unhappy? Stressed? Insecure? Varying for power or control? Frustrated? Even when you
dislike how someone treats you, you can still empathize with them, considering their position
make it easier to get along with the. Different people have difference attitude and style of
behave with others. So as a minister of God, have to adopt their way of communication and
do or communicate in a compassionate upon them as our Lord Jesus Christ had compassion
upon all human beings.
Conclusion
We have gone through the maturity in interpersonal relationship including different type of
commitment for Christian minister. Commitment is an act of promising, choosing and self-
giving maintained by truth dedication and hope together with the force of moral obligation,
circumstances, cost or sacrifices. In our ministry life we have good inter-personal relationship
with each and every person. When a Christian minister towards some qualities or
characteristic, those are transparency, integrity and honesty, we must have the deep desire to
have these qualities in our lives as we are going to be the servants of God. Conflicts are
important part in the life of a Christian minister. But s/he should acknowledge themselves
and resolve the issues in a well manner. When a minister learns to have commitment to be
open to criticism and respect dissent s/he will become mature.