English Language

Paper One

One hour and forty-five minutes

80 Marks
50% of English Language GCSE

Reading Section: 40 Marks

One fiction extract
Four questions (retrieval = 4 marks, language = 8 marks,
structure = 8 marks, evaluation = 20 marks)

Writing Section = 40 Marks

Original writing (narrative or descriptive)

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 Reading Section
At the corner of Oxford Circus, Rosabel bought a bunch of violets, and that was practically the reason why
she had so little tea – for a scone and a boiled egg and a cup of cocoa are not sufficient after a hard day's
work in a hat shop. As she swung onto the step of the bus, grabbed her skirt with one hand and clung to the
railing with the other, Rosabel thought she would have sacrificed her soul for a good dinner, something hot
and strong and filling.
Rosabel looked out of the windows; the street was blurred and misty, but light striking on the panes turned
their dullness to opal and silver, and the jewellers' shops seen through this were fairy palaces. Her feet were
horribly wet, and she knew the bottom of her skirt and petticoat would be coated with black, greasy mud.
There was a sickening smell of warm humanity – it seemed to be oozing out of everybody in the bus – and
everybody had the same expression, sitting so still, staring in front of them. Rosabel stirred suddenly and un-
fastened the two top buttons of her coat… she felt almost stifled. Through her half-closed eyes, the whole
row of people on the opposite seat seemed to resolve into one meaningless, staring face.
She began to think of all that had happened during the day. Would she ever forget that awful woman in the
grey mackintosh, or the girl who had tried on every hat in the shop and then said she would ‘call in tomorrow
and decide definitely’? Rosabel could not help smiling; the excuse was worn so thin.
But there had been one other – a girl with beautiful red hair and a white skin and eyes the colour of that
green ribbon shot with gold they had got from Paris last week. Rosabel had seen her carriage at the door; a
man had come in with her, quite a young man, and so well dressed.
‘What is it exactly that I want, Harry?’ she had said, as Rosabel took the pins out of her hat, untied her veil,
and gave her a hand-mirror.
‘You must have a black hat,’ he had answered, ‘a black hat with a feather that goes right round it and then
round your neck and ties in a bow under your chin – and a decent-sized feather.’
The girl glanced at Rosabel laughingly. ‘Have you any hats like that?’
They had been very hard to please; Harry would demand the impossible, and Rosabel was almost in despair.
Then she remembered the big, untouched box upstairs.
‘Oh, one moment, Madam,’ she had said. ‘I think perhaps I can show you something that will please you
better.’ She had run up, breathlessly, cut the cords, scattered the tissue paper, and yes, there was the very
hat – rather large, soft, with a great, curled feather, and a black velvet rose, nothing else. They had been
charmed. The girl had put it on and then handed it to Rosabel.
‘Let me see how it looks on you,’ she said.
Rosabel turned to the mirror and placed it on her brown hair, then faced them.
‘Oh, Harry, isn't it adorable,’ the girl cried, ‘I must have that!’ She smiled again at Rosabel. ‘It suits you, beau-
tifully.’
A sudden, ridiculous feeling of anger had seized Rosabel. She longed to throw the lovely, perishable thing in
the girl's face, and bent over the hat, flushing.
‘It's exquisitely finished off inside, Madam,’ she said. The girl swept out to her carriage, and left Harry to pay
and bring the box with him.
‘I shall go straight home and put it on before I come out to lunch with you,’ Rosabel heard her say.

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 How to Approach Question 2

Writers think very carefully about the words that they choose to use when they craft a text. The writer is
attempting to determine our response to something—they may want us to align with a particular
character or to feel a particular emotion
Words have denotations—definitions that can be looked up in a dictionary—as well as connotations—
words/images/ideas that we associate with a particular word. Writers consider both the denotation and
the connotations of their word choices—and, as a reader, so should you.
Consider the following, produced by a pupil:
Building for humans to live in

HOUSE

HOME
belonging
shelter

safety
family

Which of the words and phrases above are denotations and which are connotations?

We might consider the words ‘house’ and ‘home’ to be interchangeable. Why does this diagram suggest that they
are not?

Look at the following example:

He held the telephone close to his ear and half-smiled. ‘I’m coming home’, he said.

He held the telephone close to his ear and half-smiled. ‘I’m returning to the house’, he said.

Is there any difference in how you read these two sentences?

Therefore, consider the connotations of words when you analyse them—what ideas are associated with the words
the writer chooses to use?

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 How to Approach Question 2

When you are asked to comment on HOW the writer uses LANGUAGE in a fiction text, it is often
useful to look for any imagery to explore.
:
Complete the table below of figurative language techniques.

FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE TECHNIQUE DEFINITION EXAMPLE

METAPHOR

SIMILE

PERSONIFICATION

ONOMATOPOEIA

HYPERBOLE

CHALLENGE: Want to read more about Literary Terminology? See the ‘Literary Terms’ booklet on
Firefly (English / GCSE / Useful Documents). What other useful terms could you add below?

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 How to Approach Question 2

Golding describes Jack’s group as

The following extract is from William Golding’s Lord of the Flies. A ‘something dark’ This implies that the boys
group of British schoolchildren have been stranded on an island. seem monstrous from a distance; they are
They are gathering together on the beach, meeting each other for referred to as a ‘thing’, which could sug-
: the first time. A new group, Jack’s group, approaches. gest they are inhuman, and they are ’dark’
which has connotations of evil and could
How does the writer use language to suggest that Jack’s group
may pose a threat to the boys assembled on the beach? suggest that something is hidden in the
darkness. Before it is clear that they are a
Within the diamond haze of the beach something dark ‘party of boys’, Golding hints that there is
something monstrous or evil about them
was fumbling along. Ralph saw it first, and watched till the from the perspective of the boys on the
intentness of his gaze drew all eyes that way. Then the beach. The ‘dark’ is contrasted with the
‘diamond haze’ of the beach, suggesting
creature stepped from mirage on to clear sand, and they that the boys are in a pure, light-filled
saw that the darkness was not all shadow but mostly place that is about to be ‘infected’ with
darkness.
clothing. The creature was a party of boys, marching ap-
proximately in step in two parallel lines and dressed in
strangely eccentric clothing. Shorts, shirts, and different
garments they carried in their hands; but each boy wore a
square black cap with a silver badge on it. Their bodies,
from throat to ankle, were hidden by black cloaks which
bore a long silver cross on the left breast and each neck
was finished off with a ham-bone frill. The heat of the
tropics, the descent, the search for food, and now this
sweaty march along the blazing beach had given them the
complexions of newly washed plums. The boy who con-
trolled them was dressed in the same way though his cap
badge was golden. When his party was about ten yards
from the platform he shouted an order and they halted,
gasping, sweating, swaying in the fierce light. The boy
himself came forward, vaulted on to the platform with his
cloak flying, and peered into what to him was almost
complete darkness.

Annotate the extract above to answer the question. Pick out three clear, strong points you could make.

CHALLENGE: Use the Literary Terms booklet to find two further points.

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 Practise...Q2
The following extract is from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Jonathan Harker, a young solicitor from
England, has just arrived at Count Dracula’s home for the first time.

How does the writer use language to suggest that Harker is entering into a dangerous situation?

Just as I had come to this conclusion I heard a heavy step

approaching behind the great door, and saw through the
chinks the gleam of a coming light. Then there was the sound
of rattling chains and the clanking of massive bolts drawn
back. A key was turned with the loud grating noise of long dis-
use, and the great door swung back.
Within, stood a tall old man, clean shaven save for a long
white moustache, and clad in black from head to foot, without
a single speck of colour about him anywhere. He held in his
hand an antique silver lamp, in which the flame burned with-
out a chimney or globe of any kind, throwing long quivering
shadows as it flickered in the draught of the open door. The
old man motioned me in with his right hand with a courtly ges-
ture, saying in excellent English, but with a strange intona-
tion.
"Welcome to my house! Enter freely and of your own free
will!" He made no motion of stepping to meet me, but stood
like a statue, as though his gesture of welcome had fixed him
into stone. The instant, however, that I had stepped over the
threshold, he moved impulsively forward, and holding out his
hand grasped mine with a strength which made me wince, an
effect which was not lessened by the fact that it seemed cold
as ice, more like the hand of a dead than a living man

Analyse the effects of the writer’s choice of language.

Select a range of textual detail.

Make use of subject terminology to enhance the response.

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 Practise...Q2
Approaching the language question: REMEMBER!

Read the question carefully. Note the focus of the question – here, you are being asked
to think about how the writer uses language to suggest that the situation is
dangerous for Harker.
With the focus in mind, read through the extract underlining any word or phrase that
helps to show that the situation is dangerous for Harker.
You cannot include every potential point that you have identified in depth. Therefore,
next, you should look at the potential points and identify two or three that are
particularly strong. These are the ones that you will include and develop in your
response. Imagery is particularly useful as you can generally say quite a bit about
figurative language (e.g. metaphor/simile/personification etc).
Answer the question, using the two or three points you have identified. Use the words
of the question in your response to keep you on track. Use ‘which suggests’ etc after
every piece of quotation to nudge you towards analysis.
There is no requirement to use sophisticated terminology. Useful terms are the obvious
– metaphor, simile, personification etc but even these are not necessary! Subject
specific terminology includes words like ‘language’, ‘character’, ‘’plot’, ‘tension’, etc.
Don’t agonise over whether a word is an adjective or a verb…just write ‘the word’.
You will not lose any marks for this. The examiner is interested in whether you can
comment on the effect that the writer is trying to create through their choice of
language – that is all.

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 Practise...Q2
Example One: Example One New and Improved:
The writer says that the ‘old man’ is dressed The writer says that the ‘old man’ is dressed
completely in ‘black’, which could suggest he is completely in ‘black’, a colour that is often as-
evil and he also says that even though the man sociated with evil, which might suggest that he
is ‘old’ he is also strong. is a threat to Harker. He also says that even
though the man is ‘old’ he is also strong, as he
grips Harker’s hand with a ‘strength which
made me wince’. This suggests that the man
may be ‘old’ but he is not weak and that he is
possibly stronger than Harker, the younger
man. It could also suggest that things are not
quite what they seem in the old man’s castle; if
the old man is deceptively strong, there may
be other deceptions that could threaten
Harker. The fact that the old man makes
Harker ‘wince’ could also suggest that he is de-
liberately trying to hurt him, maybe to show
his strength and power. All of this suggests to
the reader that the situation Harker is enter-
ing into may be a dangerous one.

How has the example improved?

The first response picks out a good example – the appearance and strength of the old
man. However, it does not link the fact that the old man is possibly evil and certainly
strong with the focus of the question – that this is why the situation appears dangerous
for Harker. Always assume that the examiner is a bit dim…you have to explain your
thinking to him/her carefully.
The first response doesn’t expand on the points made or really think about WHY the
writer makes these suggestions about the old man. What
impact does it have that he is dressed in black? What im-
pact does it have that he is stronger than Harker? Ask
these questions!
Note the use of tentative verbs ‘might’ ‘could’ etc. Note the
concluding link to the focus of the question.

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 Practise...Q2
Example Two: Example Two New and Improved:
The writer uses a simile to tell us that the old
man’s hand ‘seemed cold as ice, more like the
hand of a dead than a living man’, which is a
scary image.

How has the example improved?

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 Practise...Past Paper Q2
ROSABEL—Read the extract at the beginning of this booklet and then answer Q1 and Q2.

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 Q2 REVIEW
Question Two – A02 – Language – 8 Marks Key Issues:
Many of you did not re-read this paragraph and determine
How does the writer use language here to describe Rosa- what, exactly, was happening before beginning to write
bel’s bus journey home? about it. This led to lots of focus on individual words and
Top Tips for Question 2 phrases without any useful analysis of their effect within
the broader meaning of the extract.
Keep in mind the focus of the question. One of the key ideas that could have been usefully ex-
Quality of the comments is more important than the quan- plored here is the CONTRAST between the ‘fairy palaces’
tity of the points made. Focus on 2/3 points. outside the window and the ‘sickening smell of humanity’
Explore connotations of words in context – e.g. ‘dark’ does inside the bus. Rather than attempt to mention every
not always suggest evil! slightly interesting word/phrase, it is better to focus on one
The majority of the marks available for this question come key idea like this and extend it. Lots of you began to briefly
from your ability to discuss the effect of the words/ mention ‘fairy palaces’, for example, noting that they
phrases/techniques that you identify. ‘looked nice’ – but went no further than this. The best re-
sponses provided extended analysis of words / phrases –
‘Fairy Palaces’ e.g. describing the jewellery shop as a ‘fairy palace’ high-
L2: students attempted to comment on the image creating lights the beauty of the shop, the desirous way in which
a shiny, sparkling effect. Rosabel looks at it and also the unobtainable nature of this
L3: students explained clearly that the image suggested a lifestyle for someone like Rosabel – ‘fairy’, after all, implies
magical, fairy-tale world outside of the bus. magic and imagination over realism. We view the ‘fairy
L4: students perceptively explored the contrast between palace’ through Rosabel’s perspective and this reveals her
the language used to describe the stuffy, claustrophobic dreams and desires but they contrast with her reality – as
reality inside the bus and the ‘other-wordliness’ of the revealed by the bus journey.
‘Fairy palaces’ outside and how this image symbolised her
fantasy of the unobtainable dream.

The writer employs very different language to describe the The writer describes the jewellers’ shops that Rosabel can
view from the bus and the claustrophobic, mundane at- see through the wet bus window as ‘fairy palaces’. This
mosphere within it. As the light catches the misty window image shows the shops are sparkling in the light and look
panes, jewellers’ shops are transformed into ‘fairy palaces’ pretty. Inside the bus is different, because the people
for Rosabel. Metaphorically, these shops symbolise a sitting opposite her have ‘one meaningless, staring face’.
dream-like fantasy world full of sparkle, magic and en- This is a metaphor to tell us that all the passengers look the
chantment, a world that is completely unobtainable for a same and seem really bored as they travel home.
lower class shop girl like her. However, the passengers in-
side the bus are described collectively as ‘one meaningless,
staring face’, suggesting their features are indistinguisha-
ble: they have blurred into a single anonymous being that
personifies the hollow, pointless existence that seems to be
their lives. In the bus journey home, the writer’s use of
language contrasts the outside world of Rosabel’s hopes
and dreams with the inside reality of her life.

My MRI for Question 2

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 How to Approach Question 3

We know that writers think carefully about the words that they choose when constructing a text. How-
ever, this is not the only thing that writers consider. Writers also think about the structure of their text—
that is, the order in which they will present the information in the text.
A crime writer may decide to present their story in the following way:

A young woman is sitting at home, Equilibrium

reading a book before bed.
This structure was noted by
narrative theorist Todorov.
She hears a noise and goes to investi- It is common in both Disruption in the equilibrium
gate. She is attacked and murdered. literature and film.

Detectives arrive and begin to investi- Chaos

gate the crime. Friends and family re- Knowledge of this structure can
veal secrets. People are arrested and help you. If you are looking at the
released as evidence comes to light. start of a text, you can try to
identify the disruption in equilib-
The detectives solve the crime and Resolution
rium that occurs and comment
catch the killer.
on that. If there is no resolution
or no return to equilibrium at the
The killer is arrested, tried and jailed— end of a text, what does this
Return to equilibrium.
everything feels safe again! suggest? Why might the writer
play around with the structure?

The structure above shows the events of the story in chronological order. The writer could have chosen
to structure the text in a different way—for example, the text could have begun with the detectives
investigating the murder rather than with the murder itself. What would be the effects of this choice?
How would this help to interest the reader?
Writers can use flashback, flash-forward, repetition, a shift in focus, dialogue and internal thought to
help to structure a text (not an exhaustive list!). You can spot these elements in a text and comment on
them. However, you will never be give marks for simply spotting the use of a technique— you must al-
ways comment on why you think the technique has been used and on the effect it has.
For example, many of the texts that you will analyse have been written in 3rd person. The use of internal
thought, therefore, allows the reader access to the thoughts and feelings of a particular character.
Perhaps it gives us a greater insight into their actions. Perhaps it allows us to view events from their
perspective and maybe align ourselves with them. A shift in focus is often used to limit what is revealed,
creating suspense and tension. Repetition can create links across a text or draw the reader’s attention to
a particular element—’zooming’ in on detail has a similar effect. Imagine the same techniques used in
film—if the camera zooms in to give a close up of a gun, for example, you can be pretty sure that gun is
going to be important!

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 How to Approach Question 3

Some people find it useful to use the following acronym to help to approach the structure question. As
always, use acronyms and mnemonics with caution! They are great to help you get started if you are
stuck but don’t forget that your own original thought is the key to answering these questions effectively!

WISER:
W = WHOLE TEXT STRUCTURE (give an overview—is it chronological, non-linear or example?)
I = INITIAL FOCUS (what is the initial focus?)
S = SHIFT IN FOCUS (identify where, when and why the focus shifts)
E = ENDING (cliff-hanger? If the extract is from the end of a text is there any resolution?)
R = REPETITION (any repetition—where and why?)

The above can act as a reminder of some of the key structural features of a text. However, a better ap-
proach might be to think about the PIVOTAL MOMENTS of a text. This is an 8 mark question—you would
be better identifying and discussing one or two of the pivotal moments and considering how they have
been used/placed to interest the reader.
What is a pivotal moment? Think about some of the pivotal moments you have experienced in life. How
can a writer reveal a pivotal moment in a text?

Look at the extract on the following page and consider:

What is the initial focus? Is this referenced again at any point in the text? Why?
Can the extract be naturally split into sections? Why? Why has the writer included each of these sec-
tions?
What does the dialogue add? Why is it used?
The extract is in 3rd person but Alex is our focaliser. What impact does his perspective have? Does the
writer give us access to Alex’s internal thoughts? When and why? What is the effect?
Does the writer use flashback, flash forward, repetition, foreshadowing, a cliff-hanger? Why? To what
effect?
Is there a change or shift in any of the elements that you have identified? The tone, perspective, focus or
tense for example? If so, why? To what effect?
What are the pivotal moments in this text? What would you choose to write about in a response?

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 Practise...Q3
Source A

Alexander Cold awakened at dawn, startled by a nightmare. He had been dreaming that an
enormous black bird had crashed against the window with a clatter of shattered glass,
flown into the house, and carried off his mother. In the dream, he had watched helplessly
as it clasped her clothing in its yellow claws, flew out the same broken window, and disap-
peared into a sky heavy with dark clouds.

What had awakened him was the noise from the storm: wind lashing the trees, rain on the
rooftop, and thunder. He turned on the light with a sensation of being adrift in a boat, and
pushed closer to the bulk of the large dog sleeping beside him. He pictured the roaring Pa-
cific Ocean a few blocks from his house, spilling in furious waves against the rocks. He lay
listening to the storm and thinking about the black bird and about his mother, waiting for
the pounding in his chest to die down. He was still tangled in the images of his bad dream.

Alexander looked at the clock: 6.30, time to get up. Outside, it was beginning to get light.
He decided that this was going to be a terrible day, one of those days when it’s best to stay
in bed because everything is going to turn out bad. There had been a lot of days like that
since his mother got sick; sometimes the air in the house felt heavy, like being at the bot-
tom of the sea.

At breakfast Alex was not in the mood to applaud his father’s efforts at making pancakes.
His father was not exactly a good cook; the only thing he knew how to do was pancakes,
and they always turned out like rubber-tyre tortillas. His children didn’t want to hurt his
feelings, so they pretended to eat them, but any time he wasn’t looking, they spit them out.

‘When’s Momma going to get better?’ Nicole asked, trying to spear a rubbery pancake
with her fork.

‘Shut up, Nicole,’ Alex replied.

‘Momma’s going to die,’ Andrea added.

‘Liar! She’s not going to die!’ shrieked Nicole.

‘You two are just kids. You don’t know what you’re talking about!’ Alex exclaimed.

‘Here, girls. Quiet now. Momma is going to get better,’ his father interrupted, without
much conviction.

Alex was angry with his father, his sisters, life in general – even with his mother for get-
ting sick. He rushed out of the kitchen, ready to leave without breakfast.

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 Practise...Q3
Except for his father’s pancakes and an occasional tuna-and-mayonnaise sandwich, no one
in the family had cooked for months. There was nothing in the refrigerator but orange
juice, milk and ice cream; at night they ordered in pizza or Chinese food. At first it was al-
most like a party, because each of them ate whenever and whatever they pleased, mainly
sweets, but by now everyone missed the balanced diet of normal times.

Alex Cold lives with his parents and two younger sisters, Andrea and Nicole, in a small
American town, but when his mother becomes ill, family life changes beyond recognition.

Alex had realised during those months how enormous their mother’s presence had been
and how painful her absence was now. He missed her easy laughter and her affection, even
her discipline. She was stricter than his father, and sharper. It was impossible to fool her;
she could see the unseeable. He missed her music, her flowers, the once-familiar fragrance
of fresh-baked cookies, and the smell of paint. It used to be that his mother could work
several hours in her studio, keep the house immaculate, and still welcome her children af-
ter school with cookies. Now she barely got out of bed to walk through the rooms with a
confused air, as if she didn’t recognise anything; she was too thin, and her sunken eyes
were circled with shadows. Her canvases, which once were explosions of colour, sat for-
gotten on their easels, and her oil paints dried in their tubes. His mother seemed to have
shrunk; she was little more than a silent ghost.

Three key structural points I could make about the text, considering how the structural choice
interests the reader:

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 Practise...Past Paper Q3
ROSABEL—Read the extract at the beginning of this booklet and then answer Q3

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 Q3 REVIEW
Question Three – A02 – Structure – 8 Marks Key Issues:
How has the writer structured the text to interest you as a
reader? A focus on content (at the beginning we see…) –
Top Tips: just retelling the story.
Don’t overcomplicate this question! You just need to consid- Some pupils analysed language rather than struc-
er WHERE? WHAT? WHY? – how does reading about this at ture.
this point add to my understanding of the text as a whole?
Some pupils offered basic, generic comments like
Use the bullet points to help you.
Use subject terminology such as next, then, at the beginning, ‘this makes us want to read on’ or ‘this attracts our
following on, zoom, focus, SHIFT and CHANGE, at the end… attention’ – this is simple comment and will only
So – for Rosabel – you could have noted: achieve Level 1 (a mark of 1-2).
1) The use of Rosabel’s thoughts at the beginning of the
source to establish her lower class lifestyle.
Some pupils identified the tone /perspective /
2) The use of flashback to make a distinction between her
public persona and her private thoughts. setting of a text but then did not comment on any
3) The circular nature of the text through the motif of food – changes or shifts in this or the effect created.
Rosabel’s thoughts of food at the start and her desperation
contrasted with the red-haired girl’s casual mention of lunch Instead, think about how certain structural
in the flashback.
features create tension or suspense, perhaps by
‘shifting’ focus so that information is withheld or
by creating a narrative gap. Think about how
structural features can also help to reveal more
about a character or about why they behave/act in
a certain way— internal thought, flashback and
flash forward can all help with this.

At the beginning the writer focuses on the private thoughts The writer focuses on Rosabel’s thoughts at the beginning of
of Rosabel who is travelling home ‘after a hard day's work in the text, saying she would have ‘sacrificed her soul for a
a hat shop’. Her social situation is immediately established as good dinner’, so right from the start we understand that the
we learn she would have ‘sacrificed her soul for a good din- main character in the story is hungry and we feel sorry for
ner’: she is poor, hungry and lower class. Time is then used her. Then the focus shifts to Rosabel’s bus journey home,
as a structural feature as Rosabel experiences a flashback to and then goes back in time when she remembers that day at
‘all that had happened during the day’, and the focus nar- work and serving ‘a girl with beautiful red hair’ who is rich.
rows as she reflects specifically on serving a ‘girl with beauti-
ful red hair’. The rest of the text involves the reader in the What are the key differences between these two re-
directness of their exchange through dialogue, and we wit- sponses? The one to the left achieved Level 4 with a
ness Rosabel’s public persona of a subservient shop girl in mark of 8 and the one above achieved a Level 2 with a
real time. Rosabel’s external actions in this section, together mark of 4.
with her earlier, more private, internal thoughts, now pro-
vide the reader with a fully rounded character. In the final
line, the red-haired girl tells her boyfriend she is going to
wear her new hat when ‘I come out to lunch with you,’
which takes us back to the beginning when Rosabel could
not afford a decent meal. This circular structure manipulates
the reader into favouring Rosabel, and possibly disliking the
redhaired girl for her privilege and wealth.
My MRI for Question 3

19
 How to Approach Question 4

Question 4 is worth 20 marks—half of all marks available on the reading section! - so the first thing to
say is LEAVE ENOUGH TIME to answer this question properly!
The question gives you a statement and then asks you to evaluate it—to what extent do you agree with
the statement? You can agree, disagree, or a bit of both. PETAL is useful in helping you to answer this
question. You can also repeat material you have used in previous questions, if appropriate.
Read the extract from Lord of the Flies once more (page 5) and then look at the following response to
the question: ‘A student says, ‘in this section of the text, it becomes clear that the island is not going to
be paradise for the boys’. To what extent do you agree?’

To a large extent, I agree with the student as it is clear that the boys do view the island as paradise at
this point. The reference to ‘diamond haze’ at the start of the extract supports this as ‘diamond’ is a
precious and valuable stone that ‘sparkles’ and reflects light. This implies that the boys view the island as
precious and full of light at this point in the text. It is an idyllic image, although the word ’haze’ could
suggest that they are not seeing the island clearly. However, almost immediately, the writer tells us that
‘something dark was fumbling along’. The boys cannot identify the ‘thing’ moving towards them and the
use of ‘thing’ dehumanises it, making it seem monstrous. It is also described as ‘dark’, a contrast with
the bright ‘diamond’ of the beach. This could suggest that the ‘something dark’ is going to infect the
‘diamond’ island and create a setting that is not quite the paradise ‘diamond’ initially suggests.
Even when it is revealed that the ‘something dark’ is actually a ‘party of boys’, the threat is only partially
removed. The boys are described as ‘marching approximately in step in two parallel lines’ and they wear
‘a square black cap with a silver badge’. The ‘marching’ movement and the identical, militaristic clothing
could imply that the boys are like an army. This could suggest that the island will not be a paradise for
the boys but will instead be a place of war. The boys on the beach are watching this ‘army’ approach and
this could suggest that their will be a battle between the boys on the island later on.

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Write one more paragraph using the
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section of text below:
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The boy who controlled them was
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dressed in the same way though his
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cap badge was golden. When his party
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was about ten yards from the platform
he shouted an order and they halted, ___________________________________________________________
gasping, sweating, swaying in the ___________________________________________________________
fierce light. The boy himself came for- ___________________________________________________________
ward, vaulted on to the platform with ___________________________________________________________
his cloak flying, and peered into what ___________________________________________________________
to him was almost complete darkness. ___________________________________________________________

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 Practise...Q4
Reread the extract about Alex on page 15-16 and answer the question below:

Focus this part of your answer on the second half of the source from line 16 to the end.

A student said ‘This part of the story, set during breakfast time, shows that Alex is struggling to cope
with his mother’s illness.’ To what extent do you agree?

In your response, you could:

 consider your own impressions of Alex
 evaluate how the writer shows that Alex is struggling to cope
• support your response with references to the text. [20 marks]

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 Practise...Q4
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 Practise...Past Paper Q4
ROSABEL—Read the extract at the beginning of this booklet and then answer Q4

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 Q4 REVIEW
Question Four – A04 – Evaluation – 20 Marks Key Issues:

Using the wrong bit of the text!

A student said, ‘This part of the story, set in the hat shop, Focusing on ‘what’ happens and not on the ‘how’ – meth-
shows that the red-haired girl has many advantages in life, odology and analysis of techniques is an important part of
and I think Rosabel is right to be angry.’ this response.
To what extent do you agree? There was some misinterpretation – for example, some
Top Tips: pupils suggested that the red-haired girl had just returned
When selecting evidence to use, reread the whole sentence from Paris, that she was completely controlled by Harry
or paragraph to ensure that you have understood it correct- and that she was deliberately malicious towards Rosabel.
ly. A quick scan of the whole sentence below should have Not leaving enough time to answer this question! It is
revealed that it is the ribbon and not the girl that have come worth 20 marks – half the marks for the paper!
from Paris.
But there had been one other – a girl with beautiful red hair Read the statement. Decide – agree? Disagree?
and a white skin and eyes the colour of that green ribbon Both?
shot with gold they had got from Paris last week. List your reasons for agreeing/disagreeing/both
You need to support your ideas with evidence from the Find short, apt quotation to support your reasons.
text and then analyse the effect of that evidence. Classic Extend as a PETAL paragraph – analyse the lan-
PETAL. guage and structure – HOW does the writer
achieve these effects?

Although Rosabel’s anger is understandable, it is not entirely I agree the red-haired girl has many advantages in life.
justified, even though the red-haired girl does appear to She arrives in a carriage to go shopping, which tells us
have many advantages in life. She has wealth, beauty and she’s rich, and she has a ‘well-dressed’ boyfriend. She’s
happiness, all characteristics of a privileged lifestyle, and the also pretty, and the writer uses colour to show she is
writer’s use of colour to describe her - ‘beautiful red hair bright and cheerful: ‘beautiful red hair and a white skin
and a white skin and eyes the colour of that green ribbon and eyes the colour of that green ribbon shot with gold’. I
shot with gold’ - implies she is also radiant, vivacious and think Rosabel might be jealous of all the things the girl has
exotic. This is in direct contrast to the brown-haired Rosabel, that she doesn’t have. When Rosabel tries on the hat she
who can only dream of being like this. I think Rosabel is envi- has a ‘sudden, ridiculous feeling of anger’, but the word
ous and maybe even resentful, which is why her anger is ‘ridiculous’ tells us she is silly to get so annoyed.
understandable. When Rosabel tries on the hat, the key sen-
tence ‘Let me see how it looks on you,’ is significant be-
cause, just for one moment, their lives overlap. In a way,
Rosabel is being taunted with a symbol of another, much What are the key differences between these
better life, but this is not deliberate, which is why her two responses? The one to the left achieved
‘sudden, ridiculous feeling of anger’ is not really fair on the Level 4 with a mark of 18 and the one above
girl. The adjective ‘sudden’ implies the fury comes out of achieved a Level 2 with a mark of 7.
nowhere, as if Rosabel has no control over it, and ‘ridiculous’
suggests it is unreasonable to the point of being absurd. The
girl does have many of life’s advantages, but she is a product
of her upbringing in much the same way as Rosabel, and is
not to blame for the class divisions in society.

My MRI for Question 4

26
 How to Approach Question 5

Question 5 is worth half of the marks available on Paper 1. You should be spending at least 45 minutes
answering it.

1) PLAN!
Look at the example plans below. These were all produced by a student (the question
asked them to describe a walk in the park). Which are effective and which are not so
effective in your opinion?

PLAN ONE (Thomas—incomplete (five bullet points all together))

1) enter the park—late afternoon, hot—sun high in sky. Haze. Gates chipped / paint
peeling. Sky—azure / diamond—cloudless.
2) Play park beside the gates—slide (once a brilliant blue now dulled to faded den-
im), swings, roundabout. Mothers—clucking like hens—small children covered
slathered in sun cream. Shrieks. One mother sits slouches on the bench, mani-
cured nails tapping at a mobile phone—zoom in / ennui,
3) Sun slips in the sky, slight breeze—cooler, darker. A family pack away their pic-
nic. Mum and Dad arguing—snatches of conversation ‘all you had to remember
was the orange juice’ ‘useless’. Chubby baby gurgles on the floor—zoom in—fat red
cheeks—romper suit, pudgy feet. Hands make star shapes.
4) Darker—clouds gather. Fat drop of rain. Children shrieking…
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PLAN TWO (Amy—Complete)

football game

Smells of grass Boys

burgers sweat

Park
Dogs and
Picnic—rug—
owner—zoom in
couple—food

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 How to Approach Question 5

Sun glides higher,

warmth / light / life
Jogger—headphones (tiny, white
PLAN THREE (Ellie—complete) awakens
buds) - maroon shorts and an off-
white vest—skin dimpled and
goose bumped in the early chill.
Dawn chorus—majestic— Pounds / lopes—long, lean legs.
harbinger? Fluttering in the
trees. Park awakens. Pale
sun moves glides through the
sky like a startled dove swift Park early
morning / Fox—startled by the jogger.
dawn Russet-red and mysterious,
Schoolchildren— lounge / charmed—nocturnal. Slinks
lazily / blazers askew— swiftly back to her den—
meander reluctantly - waiting cubs, crying mewling
shriek and shove and minuscule bundles of fiery?
throw book bags into the fur
Sun reaches highest point. Park basks
waiting arms of ancient
in heat—shimmer—haze—every cor-
oaks. Slow. Zoom?
ner is alive—children/families / dog
walkers. Overview of park.

It might seem obvious to you which of these plans would work better but can you identify
WHY? Can you rank them 1-3 (most useful to least useful)?

Ellie’s response (above) could become an extremely useful plan with just one small
addition—numbers! She has really thought about what she wants to say but she has not
considered the order in which she should write about these things. Reread Ellie’s plan and
add numbers to each of her ideas to show how she should structure her response.
When asked why they don’t plan, pupils gave time as the biggest factor. One Year 11 said,
‘You only have 45 minutes! You don’t waste to waste time planning—you want to get
stuck in!’. This is an understandable response but it goes against research conducted by
AQA—your exam board—who have stated in every report that students that planned
their response and then crafted their response, producing no more than two sides, con-
sistently scored higher marks than students that did not plan and that produced longer
pieces.

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 How to Approach Question 5

Students that planned their response and then crafted their response, producing no more
than two sides, consistently scored higher marks than students that did not plan and that
produced longer pieces.

Let’s look at that statement in more detail now. Hopefully, you will think more carefully about how and
why you plan (and you will have a chance to practise this shortly) but let’s think about the second part of
that statement—’crated their response’. What does this mean? The example below is taken from a
pupil’s exam.

Response 1:
The sleek, silver train sits glistens under the hot, bright lights of Lime Street station. It She begins to move,
whistling softly as the giant colossal wheels spin and the engine springs effortlessly to life. Faster, faster, she
leaves the station behind, moving with a silent determination that laughs at mocks the older trains, mov-
ing chugging past with their peeling smoke-scorched paintwork and wheezing effort. She goes dances through
the metal yards graveyards that surround the station, barely glancing at the dead engines and ripped shattered
tyres that had once been on adorned other, proud trains in an earlier time. Onwards she strives, into the
dull, grey skies of the city.

1. What do you notice about this response?

CHALLENGE: you will find a handy list of ambitious
2. What impact does the crossing out / addition of vocabulary at the back of this booklet—challenge
words / alteration of words have? yourself to learn a word a day!

3. Does it make the piece better or worse?

This is a CRAFTED piece of work! It is what the examiner is looking for—this student has constantly re-
viewed what they have written and, as well as looking for SPAG errors, has looked for any opportunity to
use more ambitious or appropriate vocabulary.

Never be afraid to cross out! A piece littered with crossings out and additions shows
that you are THINKING!

PLAN—DO—REVIEW!
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 How to Approach Question 5

Choosing the Narrative Option

You must remember that you only have forty-five minutes for this question. Therefore, you are unlikely
to be able to craft a complete narrative from start to finish. Instead, focus on the opening to a story and
leave the reader on a cliff-hanger. Think about Todorov’s Theory that we looked at earlier in the book-
let—you could set up ‘equilibrium’ and ‘disruption to the equilibrium’ and this would naturally leave you
on a cliff-hanger.
Don’t use more than one or two characters and keep a tight time frame—so set your story over the
course of ten minutes or an hour (a day at most).

Thinking about Structure

As well as thinking about the order in which you present the ‘happenings’ of your narrative (or the detail
in your descriptive), you should also consider the way in which you begin and end your piece. Creating a
link between the beginning and the end is also a really good way of showing that you have thought
about structure.
For example, consider a descriptive piece set on a beach. You might open with a description of the sky/
sun/gloriously hot weather. Halfway through, you might include a short paragraph—perhaps only one
sentence long—suggesting that the sky is beginning to darken and clouds are gathering. At the end, per-
haps a storm is now underway and the sky is a broiling, grey-black soup. The weather helps to hold to-
gether and structure the rest of the description.
Similarly, a narrative piece about a girl having to make a difficult choice might begin with her outlining
the choices she must make, continue with a flashback to the reason she must make the choice—or a
flash forward to the potential consequences of the choice—and then end back with the girl about it
make the decision. There is a lovely, cyclical link that shows you have thought about order and structure
and the impact of your choices.

Other Top Tips

So, plan before you begin, craft your work, think about the structure...what else?
Varying your sentences is a really good way of ensuring that your writing is interesting. Use a mixture of
simple, compound and complex sentences and perhaps the occasional partial sentence (although, don’t
overuse this).
Experiment with one sentence paragraphs and one word sentences—both can help to create tension
and suspense.

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 How to Approach Question 5

Alan Peat suggests 25 ways to improve your sentences! The document can be found on Firefly in the
‘Useful Documents’ tab. Read through the suggestions, choose at least ten and describe the strategy
below, adding a sentence of your own to show that you understand it.
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 How to Approach Question 5

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 Practise...Q5

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Practise...Q5

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 Practise...Past Paper Q5

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 Q5 REVIEW
Question Five – A05 and A06 – Writing– 40 Marks Key Issues:
Missing paragraphs!
Describe a journey by bus as suggested by this picture:
Lack of planning or lack of effective planning. Planning
(passengers on a bus) or
should consider structure as well as content so if you de-
Write a story about two people from very different back-
cide to use a spider diagram, you should number the
grounds.
points to consider what order you will present the infor-
Top Tips: mation in.
If you select the narrative option, be aware that you don’t Writing a novel. You have 45 minutes and you are writing
have to write a full beginning-middle-end story! You can under exam conditions – do not introduce a cast of thou-
just write the opening to a story and leave it on a sands or an incredibly complicated plot…
cliffhanger. From the exam board: ‘The more a student wrote, the
greater the deterioration in ideas, structure and accura-
QUALITY OVER QUANTITY! Two well-written, well- cy’.
structured, planned and proofread pages will ALWAYS Avoid contrived responses (e.g. ‘I can see’, ‘I can hear’ etc
beat a longer, less-organised and inaccurate piece. with a paragraph for each…).
Consider how you can show that you are making deliber- Do not use vocabulary that you do not understand:
ate choices for effect – starting in medias res, perhaps ‘The lugubrious, jocular, bellicose buses drove past syco-
with a piece of dialogue and using one short, one- phantic streetlights’ is an actual example from last year’s
sentence paragraph at some point in your writing can be exam…
effective. Likewise, techniques like simile, metaphor etc Some pupils did not edit…I cannot emphasise enough
can be very useful. However, be careful not to overuse how happy it makes examiners to see incorrect or ‘boring’
these or to shove them in just to tick them off an imagi- words crossed out and replaced with correct or ambitious
nary checklist. words. Read after every paragraph and replace boring
Make sure you can spell homophones correctly, that you words with better ones...PLAN, DO, REVIEW...
know the rules of speech and can use commas in complex Use that ambitious word, even if you don’t know how to
sentences. Make sure you can use paragraphs. Look at spell it.
your book to identify the ‘boring’ words you sue most
often and use a thesaurus to find alternatives before the
exam!

What Other Pupils Did: Examples:

Read the two examples (at the back of the booklet).

Descriptive Question: These are all real examples from last year’s students.
A purgatory bus where people were dead and forever Can you identify why the pieces received the marks that
trapped they received?
A prison bus How could they have been improved?
A bus ride through the countryside for an author with
writer’s block looking for inspiration
An elderly gentleman’s journey to heaven, using the bus
metaphorically to reconnect him to his wife.
Narrative Question:
Rich and poor / enemy soldiers
Star-crossed lovers
Human and elf
Modern man encounters caveman
1950s detective meets femme fatale

My MRI for Question 5

41
 Bank of high level vocabulary

Colours: saffron, indigo, scarlet, azure, emerald, hazel, turquoise, jaundiced, pea green, cyan,
magenta, burgundy, cherry, ruby, sapphire, crimson, bloodshot, vermilion, maroon, auburn,
chestnut, cobalt, aquamarine, navy, khaki, camouflage, vanilla, , pearly white, antique white,
violet, beech, cadet blue, firebrick, tomato, coral, orchid, honeydew, ivory, lemon, peach, plum,
gold, lavender, beige, fuchsia.

Dramatic Verbs: snared, disturbed, smashed, blazed, swayed, tormented, straggling, lacerat-
ing, plunged, clashed, crackled, penetrated, blistering, jolted, splitting, darted, collapsed, trem-
bled, engulfed, scurried, flickered, twitched, shattered, obliterated, throbbing, shuddered, ex-
ploded, oozed, quivered, gushed, raged, toiled, twisting, , writhed, swelled, crept, flapped, col-
lided, pummelled, punctured, dissolved, clenched.

Emotions: apprehension, solemnity, melancholy, underlying guilt, nausea, ennui, jealous, de-
pressed, heartbroken, crestfallen, despondent, anxiety, vexed, morose, confused, hostile, ec-
static, elated, hatred, shame, contempt, pity, envy, benevolence, boredom, restlessness, bewil-
derment, awe, humiliation, suspicious, impatient, panic-stricken, disbelief, exasperation, resent-
ment, defiance, curiosity, expectation, remorse, exhilaration,

Adjectives: rigorous, merciless, relentless, arduous, rigid, vile, deformed, jagged, serrated, fur-
tive, repulsive, monstrous, intolerable, distinct, prodigious, perilous, ghastly, vast, transparent,
ruinous, obscure,

Words to create an interesting character: mute, hesitant, aloof, prodigious, insolent, dis-
passionate, timid, bashful, surreptitious, indifferent, detached, unapproachable, intriguing, negli-
gent, irresponsible, isolated, irritable, impudent, compelling, edgy, cantankerous, evasive, de-
ceitful, fiery, impulsive, fervent, introverted, eccentric, callous, amoral, immoral, fickle, senti-
mental, compassionate, eager, inquisitive, indecisive, naïve, infatuated, affectionate, threaten-
ing, vicious, unpredictable, cynical, pessimistic, impertinent,

Adjectives for describing food: bittersweet, acidic, peppery, spicy, tangy, sweet, flavour-
some, fruity, bitter, sour, salty, sapid, citrus, appetising, sharp, sugary, insipid, bland, stale, wa-
tery, succulent, unpalatable, savoury, lukewarm, tingle, aftertaste,

Sound Nouns: click, whisper, hush, silence, tiptoe, creak, tap, thud, knock, din, tone, reso-
nance, vibration, ring, toll, chime, echo, scream, thump, yell, bawl, screech, wail, yelp, roar,
shriek, bang, shout, uproar, babble, clunk, tick, inaudible, rattle, plod, hum, whirr, rev, crunch,
beep, rumble, squeak, clatter, snore, bleep, yawn, snorted,

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Practise…
Read the extract below and answer the
questions that follow.

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What did I do well? What can I improve?

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 Further Practise...

1) The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

This is an extract from a novel by Muriel Spark, published in 1961. Miss Brodie is a teacher at a girls’
school. Miss Mackay is the headmistress. The extract takes place at the beginning of the school year.
Miss Brodie has recently returned from a holiday in Italy.

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

‘Good morning, sit down, girls,’ said the headmistress who had entered in a hurry, leav-
ing the door wide open.

Miss Brodie passed behind her with her head up, up, and shut the door with the utmost
meaning.

‘I have only just looked in,’ said Miss Mackay, ‘and I have to be off. Well, girls, this is the
first day of the new session. Are we downhearted? No. You girls must work hard this year
at every subject and pass your qualifying examination with flying colours. Next year you
will be in the Senior school, remember. I hope you’ve all had a nice summer holiday, you
all look nice and brown. I hope in due course of time to read your essays on how you
spent them.’

When she had gone Miss Brodie looked hard at the door for a long time. A girl, called Ju-
dith, giggled. Miss Brodie said to Judith, ‘That will do.’ She turned to the blackboard and
rubbed out with her duster the long division sum she always kept on the blackboard in
case of intrusions from outside during any arithmetic periods when Miss Brodie should
happen not to be teaching arithmetic. When she had done this she turned back to the
class and said, ‘Are we downhearted no, are we downhearted no. I shall be able to tell
you a great deal this term. As you know, I don’t believe in talking down to children, you
are capable of grasping more than is generally appreciated by your elders. Qualifying ex-
amination or no qualifying examination, you will have the benefit of my experiences in
Italy. In Rome I saw the Coliseum where the gladiators died and the slaves were thrown
to the lions. A vulgar American remarked to me, “It looks like a mighty fine quarry.” They
talk nasally. Mary, what does to talk nasally mean?’

Mary did not know.

‘Stupid as ever,’ said Miss Brodie. ‘Eunice?’

‘Through your nose,’ said Eunice.

‘Answer in a complete sentence, please,’ said Miss Brodie. ‘This year I think you must all

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 Further Practise...

1) The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

start answering in complete sentences, I must try to remember this rule. Your correct an-
swer is “To talk nasally means to talk through one’s nose”. The American said, “It looks
like a mighty fine quarry.” Ah, it was there the gladiators fought. “Hail Caesar!” they
cried. “These about to die salute thee!’

Miss Brodie stood in her brown dress like a gladiator with raised arm and eyes flashing
like a sword. ‘Hail Caesar!’ she cried again, turning radiantly to the window light, as if
Caesar sat there. ‘Who opened the window?’ said Miss Brodie dropping her arm.

Nobody answered.

‘Whoever has opened the window has opened it too wide,’ said Miss Brodie. ‘Six inches is
perfectly adequate. More is vulgar. One should have an innate sense of these things. We
ought to be doing history at the moment according to the time-table. Get out your histo-
ry books and prop them up in your hands. I shall tell you a little more about Italy.
Keep your books propped up in case we have any further intruders.’ She looked disap-
provingly towards the door and lifted her fine dark Roman head with dignity.

‘Next year,’ she said, ‘you will have the specialists to teach you history and mathematics
and languages, a teacher for this and a teacher for that. But in this, your last year with
me, you will receive the fruits of my prime. They will remain with you all your days. First,
however, I must mark the register for today before we forget. There are two new girls.
Stand up the two new girls.’

They stood up with wide eyes while Miss Brodie sat down at her desk.

‘You will get used to our ways.’

Now answer the questions that follow:

1) Read again near the beginning of the source, from lines 5 – 10.

List four things from this part of the text about the school girls. [4 marks]

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 Further Practise...

1) The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

2) Look in detail at this extract from lines 33 to 38 of the source:

‘Whoever has opened the window has opened it too wide,’ said Miss Brodie. ‘Six inches is
perfectly adequate. More is vulgar. One should have an innate sense of these things. We
ought to be doing history at the moment according to the time-table. Get out your his-
tory books and prop them up in your hands. I shall tell you a little more about Italy.

Keep your books propped up in case we have any further intruders.’ She looked disap-
provingly towards the door and lifted her fine dark Roman head with dignity.

How does the writer use language here to describe Miss Brodie’s attitude towards education?

You could include the writer’s choice of:

Words and phrases

Language features and techniques
Sentences forms. 8 Marks

3) How has the writer structured the text to interest you as a reader?
You could write about:
 what the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
 how and why the writer changes this focus as the source develops
 any other structural features that interest you 8 Marks

4) Read lines 22 to 37.

Having read this section of the text, one pupil wrote, ‘In this text, school is presented as a
challenging place for the pupils.”
To what extent do you agree?

In your response, you could:

 write about your own impression of the school
 evaluate how the writer has created these impressions
 support your opinions with references to the text. 20 Marks

5) Write a description as suggested by this image:

40 Marks
24 Content
16 SPAG

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Student Exam Responses
‘Rosabel’ Paper (June 2017) with Commentary

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