Digital Detox Guide
Digital Detox Guide
Introduction ...................................................................................................... 3
In the lab, these emotions are more painful than the actual physical pain of an
electric shock.
I’m endlessly fascinated by a series of studies led by Tim Wilson where the
research subjects were put alone in a room, with nothing to do. The researchers
describe their work:
You read that right: Many people (67 percent of men and 25 percent of women, to
be exact) actually gave themselves painful electric shocks instead of just sitting
there doing nothing–after they had indicated to the researchers that they would
When we can’t tolerate the feelings that come up when we aren’t doing anything,
or when we can’t tolerate a lack of stimulation, we feel uncomfortable when we
have downtime. As a result, we forfeit our downtime and all its benefits by seeking
external stimulation, which is usually readily available in our purse or pocket
(rather than an electric shock machine). Instead of just staring out the window on
the bus, we read through our Facebook feed. Instead of being alone with our
thoughts for a minute, we check our email waiting in line at the grocery store.
Instead of enjoying our dinner, we mindlessly shovel food in our mouths while
staring at a screen.
In the grand scheme of things, digital usage rarely leads to meaning or fulfillment.
But unplugging for at least one day per week will make you happier (in addition to
giving you hours and hours to do the things that bring meaning to your life).
Here’s why:
1. Detoxing from social media and digital information promotes overall well-
being and mental health. Social media use is associated with narcissism,
depression, loneliness, and other negative feelings like anger, envy, misery,
and frustration. So, it’s hardly surprising that taking a break for a few days
can improve our mood and overall happiness.
2. Your sleep will become more restorative, and sleep improves everything
from health and happiness to performance and productivity. Physiologically,
you’ll have an easier time sleeping because the low-energy blue light emitted
by our tablets and smartphones stimulates chemical messengers in our
brains that make us more alert and suppresses others (like melatonin) that
help us fall asleep. In addition, you’ll have an easier time sleeping because
you won’t be exciting your brain with new or stimulating information right
3. Bonus: You’ll feel less lonely and more connected, and feeling connected is
the best predictor of happiness that we have. Though we think social media
makes us feel more connected to others, ironically, it can also make us feel
quite alone. Seeing friends and acquaintances post about how happy they
are can actually trigger feelings of misery and loneliness, research shows.
The benefits of unplugging from time to time are clearly enormous. But if
unplugging isn’t undertaken properly, people often experience withdrawal
symptoms, like feelings of agitation, guilt, and a compulsive and distracting desire
to check our phones.
One survey found that 80% of 18 to 44-year-olds check their smartphones within
the first 15 minutes of waking up–and that 89% of younger users, those ages 18-
24, reach for their device within 15 minutes of waking up. Seventy-four percent
reach for it immediately after waking up. A quarter of those surveyed could not
recall a time during the day that their device was not within reach or in the same
room. Another study found that people tend to check their email about every 15
minutes; another found that in 2007 the average knowledge worker opened their
email 50 times a day, while using instant messaging 77 times a day—imagine what
that might be today, over a decade later, now that smartphones are ubiquitous
and given the evidence that we spend more time checking than ever before.
A study of college students at Kent State University found that people who check
their phones frequently tend to experience higher levels of distress during their
leisure time (when they intend to relax).
So why do we check constantly, and first thing in the morning, if it just makes us
tense and keeps us from getting our work done? Because it also feels,
well…awesome. The Internet and electronic communications engage many of our
senses—often simultaneously. All that checking excites our brain, providing the
novelty and stimulation it adores. So even though disconnecting from the devices
and communications that make us tense and decrease our productivity seems like
a logical thing to do, your novelty-and-stimulation-seeking brain won’t want to do
it. In fact, it will tell you that you are being more productive when you are online
and connected to your messages than when you are disconnected and focusing on
something important.
This point is worth lingering on: how productive we are does not correlate well
with how productive we feel. Multitasking and checking a lot feel productive
because our brains are so stimulated when we are doing it. But it isn’t actually
productive; one Stanford study showed that while media multitaskers tended to
perceive themselves to be performing better, they actually tended to perform
worse on every measure the researchers studied.
Much of our checking and busyness, to paraphrase Shakespeare, is all sound and
fury, no meaning or significance. You can sit all day in front of your computer
checking and responding to email but accomplish not one of your priorities. It may
Now that we’ve established the benefits of unplugging and the dangers of
checking, here’s how to unplug in a way that will lead to the best weekend EVER.
1. Tell your friends, family, and coworkers that you’re doing a digital detox
over the weekend. That way, when you don’t respond to their messages,
they will know it isn’t personal. (If they aren’t supportive, ignore them—
unplugging is threatening for the technology addicted.)
2. Give people a way to get a hold of you, if need be. This is more for you than
for them, so you don’t worry about what emergency you are missing out on.
3. Ask your friends and family to hold you accountable. Give them permission
to openly ridicule you for posting on social media or messaging them in any
way, including email. (Consider this a form of crowd-sourced willpower.)
4. Make specific plans for your day unplugged (see suggestions below).
Even if you have stronger-than-average willpower, you will not be able to unplug
from technology through the sheer force of your ironclad will. You are going to
need to make it very, very inconvenient to plug back in. Trust me on this one—
although the steps below may seem extreme, they are 100% necessary.
2. Put your devices and computers away, where you can’t see them or reach
them easily. Without their chargers.
3. Now put all the chargers in a totally different place. We are trying to make
plugging in as inconvenient as possible. If you think you are going to be
tempted, give the chargers to someone else to hide.
If that isn’t you, however, you aren’t alone. Most people do much better
work when they put off checking their email until they are actually at
work. Here’s an easy solution. Bury your email application on your phone
in a folder on a back page. That way, when you turn off your alarm, you
won’t see your email icon, and you won’t see how many emails you have.
This is akin to hiding Halloween candy from your children so that they
don’t start begging you for a piece first thing in the morning, when they
see it. If that strategy doesn’t work (because you are, um, addicted),
remove your email from your phone altogether for a few months, or use
an old-fashioned alarm clock until you’ve kicked the habit.
Going unplugged for one day over the weekend will send many people into
withdrawal. They will literally experience jitters, anxiety, and discomfort akin to
physical pain. If you were in rehab for Opioid addiction, they might give you
medication (like Methadone) to ease the pain.
If you need rehab, here’s how to invent your own methadone. The idea is to do
something naturally rewarding for your brain to ease the boredom, anxiety, and
general twitchiness that tends to descend upon us when we unplug from
technology.
Why?
So if you are feeling anxious or excited or bored, let yourself FEEL that emotion.
Where in your body does it live? Is it in the pit of your stomach? In your throat?
What, really, does it feel like? Does it have a shape, or a texture, or a color?
Pretend you’re about to move out of town, and spend the day seeing the
friends you’ll miss the most, in your favorite places. This is an ingenious
suggestion from psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of
Happiness.
Connect in REAL life with as many people as you can. This is important
enough to say again: our positive relationships with other people are KEY
to our happiness, and feeling connected is critical for your optimized
weekend.
Even if you are an introvert, reach out to people around you. This can
mean making plans to spend time with your friends and family, but it
doesn’t need to be all weekend.
Unplugging can be daunting, for sure, but millions of people spend their weekends
multi-tasking, overworking, and compulsively checking their phones so much that
they fail to enjoy the life that they've worked so hard to create. I’m glad that you
won’t be among them this weekend!
Unless you are some sort of superhero, you will not be able to cure yourself of your
internet/device/email addiction perfectly the first time. So what to do if you’re
struggling?
Instead, forgive yourself. Remind yourself that lapses are part of the
process, and that feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not
increase your future success.
Say you’ve sworn not to check your email before breakfast, but you’ve
been online since your alarm went off…three hours ago. You’re now at
risk for what researchers formally call the Abstinence Violation Effect
(AVE) and jokingly call the “what the hell effect.” If you’ve already blown
your plan today, why not go hog wild? What the hell—you can begin
again tomorrow, right? Wrong. The more damage you do during your
technology binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day, and
the less confidence you’ll have in yourself that you can change. So as
soon as you notice you’ve slipped, go back to your plan. Double down,
friends, double down.
Why do you want to make the changes that you do? How will you
benefit? Do a little deep breathing and calm contemplation of your
goals.
Avoid the licensing effect by reflecting on your goals and values rather
than your accomplishment. Why have you decided to turn your phone
off during dinner time? What larger mission are you trying to fulfill?
How will you or others benefit from the habit you are working on?
Questions like these can help us avoid self-sabotage.
TAKE “RECESS”
If you are still feeling overwhelmed and time-starved on your detox, what you need
more than time to work is downtime. You need a BREAK.
So, take a good old-fashioned recess. Go ahead and do your chores or whatever
you need to do, but after about sixty to ninety minutes of focused attention, take a
break. Rest.
What do you find relaxing or rejuvenating? Is there an article you’ve been wanting to
read for fun? Does your most vivid fantasy involve a nap? Perhaps you long to go
outside into the great outdoors and let the sun shine on your face. Just do it. The only
rule is that what you do during recess must be restful or playful; it can’t be on any
Eating while reading isn’t usually a good idea if we want to be productive, creative,
or just plain happy. Like meditation, mindful eating brings loads of benefits. For
example, Elissa Epel, director of the UCSF Center for Obesity Assessment, Study,
and Treatment, led a study that showed that the more mindfulness women in her
study practiced, the more their anxiety, stress, and deep belly fat decreased.
Even when (actually, especially when) we feel too busy to stop working for lunch,
we tend to gain increases in our productivity by doing so. And in the process, we
are able to better access the part of our brain that makes us more creative and
better problem solvers. But you don’t have to trust me (or the science) on this
one: Just try it and see.
Well, not nothing: Keep breathing. Sit in a comfortable position or lie down. Now:
Stare into space. If you start feeling bored or antsy, that’s normal. Just notice what
you are feeling. If you start feeling sleepy, that’s okay; just notice if you are
starting to fall asleep. Don’t judge yourself.
But if you have a job that requires that you think, at all, then the quality of your
thinking matters. Right?
Turns out that one of the most efficient and effective ways to improve the quality
of our thinking in the afternoon is to take a 20-minute power nap. According to
Ron Friedman, an award-winning psychologist and the author of The Best Place to
Work,
A 20 or 30-minute power nap will improve your thinking and decision making,
enhance your creativity, and elevate your mood. It will also increase your alertness
and improve your accuracy and attention to detail. All of these things, obviously,
will increase your productivity. If you have time to run out for a cup of coffee, you
have time for a power nap.
Second, there is a
plethora of empirical
evidence that we are
herd animals, and we
typically do what our
peers do. (Please don’t
think you are the
exception to this rule.
While I don’t doubt that
you are in many ways a
maverick, odds are that
you also look and act a
lot like your peers in
many other ways.)
Compelling research
demonstrates that our
behavior is influenced
Gemma Correll commissioned by JetBlue for Humankinda
not just by our friends
but by our friends’
friends’ friends. Because the behavior of others is highly contagious, we do well
when we hang out with people who are already in the types of habits that we are
trying to maintain.
Worried that people will see you as unresponsive or slacking if you unplug for 48
hours? Leslie Perlow’s research indicates otherwise; in fact, research suggests that
your colleagues will likely notice your increased productivity when you get back to
it and see you as more collaborative, efficient, and effective when you reduce
constant phone and email monitoring.
Break out your analog tools, so that you aren’t tempted to turn your phone on.
Print out paper maps, find your camera, etc.
Put all your devices away, where you can’t see them or reach them easily.
Let yourself feel what you feel, even if you are anxious or bored.
Practice being mindful (or “present”). Actively notice what is going on around —
and inside —of you.
Pretend you’re about to move out of town, and spend the day seeing the
friends you’ll miss the most, in your favorite places.
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