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Assertiveness Worksheet - Mark Tyrrell Uncommon Knowledge

This document provides an ASSA technique for improving interpersonal assertiveness. The ASSA technique involves alerting the person you need to speak with, stating your grievance using 'I' statements, selling the benefits of better treatment from the other person, and agreeing to do things differently in the future. Role playing the ASSA technique can help make it second nature.

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53 views8 pages

Assertiveness Worksheet - Mark Tyrrell Uncommon Knowledge

This document provides an ASSA technique for improving interpersonal assertiveness. The ASSA technique involves alerting the person you need to speak with, stating your grievance using 'I' statements, selling the benefits of better treatment from the other person, and agreeing to do things differently in the future. Role playing the ASSA technique can help make it second nature.

Uploaded by

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© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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The ASSA technique for greater

personal agency | Assertiveness Worksheet

Introduction
We all have a need for a sense of influence and control in life. Sometimes this is called
having ‘personal agency’ and a greater sense of personal agency has been linked to
better cognitive performance.(1) Feeling we have influence over events may serve as
a powerful antidepressant, improve relationships, and encourage better, healthier
behaviours.(2)

Improving your interpersonal assertiveness can have all kinds of benefits for your mental
health. Many people know they should be more assertive, but don’t know how to be.
Practising the ASSA technique–alone or with your therapist–will help you understand
and rehearse assertiveness.

The ASSA Technique


Alert the person that you want to speak to them
This can be done in simple terms by letting them know that you’d like to speak with
them and agreeing on a time and place to do that.

Example: “I need to speak to you. Do you have some time now or can we schedule a time very soon?”

You can also let the person know what you need to speak to them about ahead of time.
This can be particularly helpful if the person you need to speak to experiences anxiety
or high stress themselves, as you avoid causing them undue worry about an unknown.

Example: “I want to talk to you about the way you have been yelling at me in front of other staff
recently.”

Notice that there is no blaming or emotional language at this point. Stick to facts. They
may play power games and insist you speak to them on their terms: “Yes, I’ll let you
know when it’s convenient to speak.” If this happens, you can stick to your guns and
keep alerting the person, because even that in itself shows assertiveness. Or you can
take back control by saying, “Okay, I’ll make it quick and just say it now!”

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
1
Exercise

Below, write down 3 examples of how you might Alert someone to the fact you need
to speak to them. You can use a real grievance you have with someone or create a
hypothetical one.

Example 1

Example 2

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
2
Example 3

State your grievance


Tell the person what the problem is in simple, non-emotional language. Use ‘I’ statements
at the start, as people may just go into automatic ‘defensive mode’ when hearing lots
of ‘you’ statements.

Example: “I’m not happy with you shouting at me.” Tell them why it’s a problem: “It makes me angry
and I think it makes you look unprofessional in front of other staff and customers.”

Exercise

Below, write down 3 examples of how you might State a grievance.

Example 1

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
3
Example 2

Example 3

Sell the benefits to them of your preferred behaviour


for this person
Provide the person with examples of how they will personally benefit from listening
to your feedback and behaving differently going forward. They’ll be more likely to take
onboard the feedback if they’re getting something out of it, too.

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
4
Example: “In future, if you have something to say to me, it’d be better for you to talk rather than shout
and to do so privately. This will make you appear more professional and improve my morale, as well.”

Exercise

Below, write down 3 examples of how they might Sell better treatment from the other
person.

Example 1

Example 2

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
5
Example 3

Agree to do things differently in future


Seek agreement with the person about how future interactions or behaviour will go.

Example: “Can we agree that from now on, you will refrain from shouting and if you ever need to speak
to me again, you will do it away from other people without raising your voice?”

If they don’t agree, at least you have been successful in being assertive and you may
need to seriously consider your position with them.

If they do agree but then ever go back on their agreement, all you’ll have to do is remind
them of their agreement.

Exercise

Below, write down 3 examples of how you might Agree on better treatment from the
other person.

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
6
Example 1

Example 2

Example 3

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
7
Role Play
Now that you’re familiar with the ASSA technique, you can use role play with your
therapist, a friend, or a family member to rehearse it, so it becomes second nature.
If you are skilled in inner work such as self-hypnosis (or have someone to guide you
through a hypnosis session), you can also relax deeply and mentally rehearse ASSA to
ingrain a sense of confidence on a deeper level.

Explore and rehearse: voice pitch, tonality, confident body


language
It is not always enough to know what to say (see ASSA above), but also how to
communicate what you need to be clear about. In your role play exercises, explore how
eye contact; an upright, confident posture and body language; and a firm, clear, and
slowed voice can all communicate certainty.

(1) Robinson, S. A., & Lachman, M. E. (2018). Perceived control and cognition in adulthood:
The mediating role of physical activity. Psychology and aging, 33(5), 769–781. https://doi.
org/10.1037/pag0000273

(2) Hong, J. H., Lachman, M. E., Charles, S. T., Chen, Y., Wilson, C. L., Nakamura, J. S., VanderWeele,
T. J., & Kim, E. S. (2021). The positive influence of sense of control on physical, behavioral, and
psychosocial health in older adults: An outcome-wide approach. Preventive medicine, 149,
106612. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ypmed.2021.106612

© 2024 Uncommon Knowledge. Therapy Worksheets by Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Practitioners.


Additional role play exercises available in Uncommon Practitioners' TV
8

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