The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

BeforeYouBegin: TheMindsetYouAbsolutelyMustHavetoSaveYour Marriage,byDr.NancyWasson,willgiveyoupowerfulinsight intowhatyoucandoimmediatelytobeginturningthings aroundinyourmarriage.Youlldiscoverjusthowimportant thoughts,beliefs,attitudes,andexpectationsreallyareinsaving amarriage.Evenmoreimportantishowyoucanputthesetools toworkinyourownsituationsoyoucanachieveresultsthat upuntilnowyouprobablyonlyimagined. Usingheruniquemarriageenhancingtools,Dr.Wassonhashelpedcouplesalloverthe worldpullbackfromthebrinkofdivorceandinsteadlearntoreconnectandcreatea happy,loving,successfulmarriage. InspiredbyhercurrentsuccessfulmarriagetoherhusbandLee,shehasdeveloped effectiverelationshiptechniquesbasedonpersonalresponsibility,mutualrespect,love, andintimacy.Butbeforethatcouldhappen,sheIirsthadtotransformherownmindset followingherpersonalpainfulexperienceswithdivorce. Becauseofwhatshehaslearnedinherownlife,Dr.Wassonhasadrivingpassionfor helpingindividualsandcouplestakeatroubledmarriageandreignitethepassionand lovetheyoncehadwhileavoidingmanyofthecommonpitfallsandmistakesthatupset spousesmake. Sheisthecoauthor,withherhusbandLee,ofthehighlyregardedbookandmarriage savingsystem,KeepYourMarriage:WhattoDoWhenYourSpouseSaysIdont loveyouanymore!availableatKeepYourMarriage.com.Shealsoteachesindividuals andcouplesthroughtelephonecoachingsessionshowtheycantakeprogressivesmall stepstocreatethemarriageoftheirdreams.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

H ello,thisisDr.NancyWasson,andImverygladthatyourelisteningtothisaudio
recording,orperhapsyourereadingthewrittenversion. Ifyouveheardthechillingwords,IloveyoubutImnotinlovewithyou,orthe words,IdontknowifIwanttobemarriedanymore,thenyourmarriageislikelyto beincrisisandyoureinneedofeffective,timelyadvice. Youvecometotherightplace.Basedonmymanyyearsofworkingwithindividuals andcouplesjustlikeyou,ImgoingtosharewithyouwhatIvefoundtobethebest startingplaceifyouwanttosaveyourmarriage.Myintentionistogiveyoulotsof usefulinformationandrecommendationsthatcanhelpyoustopthedownwardslide ofyourrelationship. Tocreatethemostopportunitiesandpossibilitiestodothis,itscrucialthatyou addressyourinnermindsetwhatyouthinkandbelievebeforeyouplanwhatto doandbegintakingaction. Whyisthissoimportant? BecausethethoughtsandbeliefsyoubroughtintoyourmarriagearetheANCESTORS oftheactionsyoutakewithyourspouse.Inotherwords,youhaveathoughtabout doingsomething,evenifitsunconscious,beforeyouactuallyDOanything. Andwhatyoudothatis,howyoubehavewithyourspousegivesyouacertain resultinyourmarriage.Itssimpleyouusuallyreapinyourmarriagewhatyousow. Whatgoesaround,comesaround. Ofcourse,yourealizethatthisimpliesthatyouhavesomeresponsibilityinthe qualityofyourmarriage,doesntit?ButIcanalmosthearyouthinking,Whatdoyou meanIamresponsible?YoudontknowhowdifUicultmyspouseis!He(orshe)does thisandthatandmakesmelosemytemper.
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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Thatsokay,Iunderstand.Wellgettothatinaminute. Atleastwecanagreethatyouwanttoimproveyourchancesforsuccessinyour marriage,right?Thestartingplacetodothatistoexamineyourcurrentmindsetand seeifitsgoingtohelpyouaccomplishyourgoalofsavingyourmarriage. Withouttherightmindset,anyactionsthatyoutakewonthaveasgreatachanceof succeedingyoullbeingravedangerofshootingyourselfinthefoot,asthesaying goeswhichmeansthatyoumay,withoutmeaningto,beyourownworstenemy. HowIsYourMindsetLiketheFoundationofaHouse? Mindsetisntwidelytalkedaboutinrelationtosavingamarriageitsalwaysabout whattodoandwhatnottodoandIcertainlygiveadviceonthesetopicsinmy book,KeepYourMarriage:WhattoDoWhenYourSpouseSaysIdontloveyou anymore! Justremember,ahealthymindsetislikehavingasolidlybuilthouseableto withstandthetestoftime.Butanegativemindsetislikehavingahouseinfestedwith termitestinypeststhateatawayatthestructureuntiltheUloorcollapses.Andyou dontwantthat,doyou? Ifyouareinamarriagecrisisandimmediatelystartrushingintodoalotofthingsat once,thiswilloverwhelmyourmate.Also,youllbemorelikelytobecomingfroma placeofhighanxietyandyourbehaviorwillshowit.Thiswillpracticallyinsurethat yourmatewontwanttobearoundyou.Wouldyouwanttobearoundsomeonewho wasfranticallyrushingaroundinadither,allupsetandagitated?No,youwouldnt. Infact,someonewhojustreactsandstartsdoingdoingdoingwithoutgettingtheir innerhouse,ortheirmindset,inorderUirstcandomuchmoredamagethangood.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

YouMayBeAskingYourselfWhatMindsetIs Mindsetisahabitualorcharacteristicmentalattitude.Itsthewayyouusuallythink andapproachsituationsinlife.Andthismentalattitudedetermineshowyouwill interpretsituationsandrespondtosituations. Haveyoueverknownsomeonewhowasalmostalwayspositivewhowas encouraginganduplifting?Whofocusedonwhatwasrightwithotherpeopleand eventsintheirlifeinsteadofwhatwaswrongwiththem? ButthenmaybeyouknowsomeoneelsewhoalwaysUindsthingstocomplainabout andisoftenunhappy.Thedifferencebetweenthetwopeopleistheirmindsetthe habitualwaytheyhavedevelopedofthinkingandinterpretingandreactingtoothers andsituations.Asaresult,theyapproachlifewithattitudesthataremilesapartfrom eachother.Andtheyarelikelytoexperiencetheirmarriagesandtheirlivesinvery differentways. Thisistiedinwiththemuchusedsaying,Doyouseetheglassashalfemptyordo youseetheglassashalffull?Differentpeopleseetheglassdifferentlybecauseweall haveourownattitudesandperspectivesthatwevedevelopedthroughtheyears. Forexample,haveyoueverthoughtsomeoneyouknewwasignoringyoubecause youhadntheardfromtheminawhileandyoufeltrejected?Butthenlateryoufound outthattherehadbeenanemergencyintheirfamilyandtheyweretieduphandling thesituation,sotherewasaneasilyexplainedandvalidreasontheyhadntbeenin touch? Perhapsthenyourealizedthattherewasntanycauseatalltofeelrejected,butinthe meantimeyouhadworkedyourselfupaboutittothepointwhereyoufelt emotionallydistancedfromtheotherperson.Theinterpretationyoumadeabout

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

yourfriendslackofcontactledtoyourreactionandwasbasedonyourmindset. Youwereseeingtheworldthroughthelensofrejection. Feelingrejectedisonewaytoreactwhenyoudonthearfromsomeone.Butitsnot theonlyreactionyoucouldhave. Anotherreactionistoassumethattheresagoodreasontheotherpersoncant contactyouatthetime,andthateventuallyyoulllearnwhy.Apersonwiththis mindsetisusedtocuttingotherssomeslackandgivingthemthebeneUitofthedoubt. Stillanotherreactionistoreachoutyourselfandtrytocontactyourfriendsothat youdontloseyourfeelingofconnection.Inthisscenario,youaretakingtheinitiative becauseyouvalueconnectionandyoureassumingthatyourfrienddoes,too. Thesethreedifferentreactionsarebasedonmindsetwhichconsistsofyour attitudeandhowyouinterpretandreacttowhathashappened.IntheexampleIjust gave,thethreedifferentmindsetsledtothreedifferentoutcomes. Areyoustartingtogetanideaofhowimportantmindsetis?Andhowcrucialitisto takeacloselookatyoursrightnow? Yourmindsetwhatyouthinkandbelieveisthefoundationyoureusingtocreate yourmarriageandyourlifeineverymoment.Youwantittobesolidandinthebest shapepossiblebeforeyoudoanythingelse.Yoursuccessineveryaspectofyourlife includingyourmarriageisbuiltonthisfoundation. Theresaquote,Ifyouwanttosucceed,lookinside.Insideourmindinour thoughtsandourbeliefsandourattitudesandourexpectationsiswhere relationshipsuccessbegins.Soifyouwanttosucceedinsaving,rebuildingand renewingyourmarriage,youhavetostartbylookinginsideyourself.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Weregoingtobeginwithfourimportantpartsofourmindsetandaquestionabout eachthoughts,beliefs,attitudes,andexpectations. 1. 2. 3. 4. Whatthoughtsareyouthinking? Whatbeliefsdoyouhold? Whatattitudesdoyouhave? Whatexpectationsdoyouhave?

Alloftheseareasthatmakeupourmindsetaredrivenbyourlifeexperiences thingswehavebeentoldorthathappenedtousinchildhood,growingupandasan adult.Manytimeswhatwevelearnedandacceptedisbasedonerrorandfallacy,but weboughtintoit. Forexample,whatifyouhadthethought,Imaloser?Perhapsaparentcalledyou aloserwhenyouwereachild,orotherkidsatschoolorintheneighborhood tauntedyouwiththatremark.Youtooktheremarktoheartandbegantothinkof yourselfthatway. Ifyouthinkathoughtenoughtimes,youdevelopabeliefaroundthatthought.So nowyoualsohavethebelief,Imaloseralwayshavebeenandalwayswillbe.And thatbeliefrunsdeepandaffectsyouinmanydifferentareasofyourlife. Totakethingsastepfurther,yourattitudeisbuiltuponyourthoughtsandbeliefs soifyourattitudeisTheresnouseineventryingIalwaysloseoutintheend, youllhaveadiscouraged,pessimistic,andnegativemindset. Asaresult,theexpectationyouhavemaybethatMyspousewillleavemeandIll loseeverything.Ineverwininthelongrun,soImightaswellacceptit.Ifthisisthe case,youwouldstartout,evenattheveryUirst,resignedandwithoutenergytomake arealefforttotrytoturnthingsaround.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Itslikeyourhandswouldbetiedduetoyourmindset.Ifthiswastrueofyou,you wouldneverknowifyoucouldhavedonesomethingtomakeadifferenceornot becauseyouwouldhavegivenupbeforeyouevensincerelytried. Imaginewhenhundredsofyearsago,EuropeanshadabeliefthattheworldwasUlat. Thisbeliefkeptsailorsclosetoshore.Butwhensomeonehadthecourageto challengethatbeliefbysailingoverthehorizon,anewworldwasdiscovered. Inasimilarway,youhavetheabilitytodiscoveryourownlimitingbeliefsand, becauseofthisrealization,transformyourlifeandyourmarriagebutyouhaveto bewillingtogetoutofyourcomfortzoneandstretchyourcurrentmindset. Oneofthemostcommonthoughtsandbeliefsisthatsomehowwerefundamentally Ulawed,ornotokay.SowemighthaveathoughtthatSomethingbadiswrongwith me.Thisleadstoabeliefthatwerenotokaythewayweare,whichcanleadtoa discouraged,defeatistattitudeandlowexpectations. Canyouseehowthisworks?Itsimportanttotakesometimetoidentifythethoughts andbeliefsthatarecomingupforyouasyouthinkaboutyourchancesofsavingyour marriage.Idsuggestwritingthemdowninajournalsoyoucanidentifythemand becomemoreselfawareofhowoftentheysurfaceandhowtheyaffectyourattitude andexpectations.Thisallowsyoutopaintapictureofyourhidden,unconscious thoughtsandbeliefs. Doingthishelpsyoubecomemoreselfawareofhowoftenyourthoughtsandbeliefs maybeinUluencingyourbehaviorandultimatelyyourmarriage.Itcanbeeasierto spotyourownuniquepatternswhenyourecordyourthoughtsandbeliefsasthey appear. Somethingyouwanttobecomeawareofandavoidiswhatscalledallor nothingthinking.Thisiswhenyouaretalkingintermsofextremesandabsolutes,
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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

suchasThisisitforme,Imtoast,Ifmymarriagedoesntmakeit,mylifewillbe horrible,Imdoomed,Themarriageisdoomed,Itshopeless,orGoodthings neverhappentome. Therealitythemiddleground,thegreyareaisntcapturedinstatementsor thoughtslikethese.Inreality,ifyourmarriagedoesntmakeit,thingscertainlymay bedifUicultforawhile.Butovertime,youwouldeventuallyadjustandmakeanew lifeforyourself.Thatstherealityitsnoteasy,butitsdoable.Ofcourse,thisisnt yourpreferenceforhowyouwantthingstogo,buttherealityisnttheothergloomy extreme,either. Whenyourealizethis,itremovessomeofthedesperationthatmanyspousesincrisis anduncertaintyfeel. Whenyoutalkorthinkintermsofallornothingthinking,youareputtingyourself inanegative,fearbasedplaceandthatsnotwhereyouwanttobe.Youll contaminateyoureffortstosaveyourmarriageandcurtailanyprogressyoucouldbe making. Atallcosts,youwanttoavoidgettingstuckinnegativity,anger,blame,defensiveness, andhopelessness.Youllcertainlyvisitthereattimesbutyoudontwanttosetup campandlivethere.Youwanttomakeyourtimespentinthesenegativeplacesas limitedaspossible. Tocultivateahealthy,creativemindsetthatcanhelpyouthroughthis,itsalso importantthatyouavoidseeingyourselfasavictim.Sowhathappenswhenyou haveavictimmentalityandmindset? Well,whathappensisthatyourefusetotakeanyresponsibilityforwhathas happened,youtotallyblameyourspouse,andyoufeelhelpless.Peoplewiththis

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

mindsethaveasongthattheysingtothemselvesandanyonewhowilllisten.Its whatIcalltheIvebeendonewrongsong. Howeverunfairwhathashappenedappearstobe,therehavebeentwopeoplein yourmarriagerelationship.Sometimesitmayfeellikeonepersonistheonlyoneat faultbutappearancescanbedeceiving. Thetruthis,wealltendtobeblindtoourownbehavior,justlikeaUishdoesntrealize thatitslivinginwater. Ourrelationshipsaretheproductofmanysubtleenergiesanddecisions.Icanassure youthatyouwontwinbackyourmatewithavictimmindsetorbyputting100%of theblameonyourspouse. Anothercomponentofmindsettoexamineinvolveslimitingandself sabotagingbeliefs.ThesecanhaveaHUGEimpactonthechancesofsavinga marriage.Herearesomeexamplesoflimitingandselfsabotagingbeliefsseeifany ofthesestatementsapplytohowyouvebeenthinking: Imafailure. Icantdothis. Idonthavewhatittakes. ThisishopelessImightaswellgiveupnow. Thingsneverworkoutforme. Illneverbehappy. Imjustunluckyitsmyfate.Itsinthestars. Thesebeliefsarenttrueunlessyoubelievethemtobetrue.ToparaphraseHenry Fordaboutyourchancesofsalvagingyourmarriage:Whetheryouthinkyoucanor youthinkyoucant,YOURERIGHT!

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Thekeyistorealizethatyournegativebeliefsarentvalid.Thetruthaboutyouisthat youreverycapableofchangingeveryoneis. WatchtheIamstatementsthatyoumakewhenyousayIamthisorIamthat. Theyareverypowerful,andwhenyoumakethem,youaredeUiningyourselfandwho youseeyourselfasbeing.ThinkabouthowyourenarrowlydeUiningyourselfand howyouretakingawayyoursenseofempowermentwhenyousay,Iamsostupid, orImsuchajerk. Youhavetogetoutofyourownwayandnotsabotageyourself.Thisincludes changingyourbeliefsaboutwhatspossible.Youllwanttodiscardanyselflimiting beliefsandthoughts. Ifyoureconvincedyoureafailure,yoursubconsciousmindwillmakesureyoufail. Whatmattersmostishowyouseeyourself.Itstimetoupgradeyourselfimageand yourbeliefsandexpectations. Ihaveaquestionforyou:Howwouldyoubedifferentifyoudidntbelievetheseself limitingthoughts?Whatdifferencewouldthismakeinhowyouwouldapproach savingyourmarriageanddoingallyoucouldtomaketherelationshipbetter? Itsimportanttoknowthatyouimpactyoursituationwitheverythought,belief, attitude,andexpectationthatyouhave.HowyouseeyourselfontheinsideinUluences yourouterreality.WhatyoubelieveandexpectinUluencestheresultsyougetwhen youdotakeaction. Ifyoubelievethatnothingyoudoeverworksoutforyou,thenthatbeliefisexactly whatisgoingtomanifestforyou.Thingswillgofrombadtoworseandthenyoull say,See,Itoldyou.Imjustunluckythingsneverworkoutforme.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

YourbeliefscanbecomeaselffulUillingprophecyyoupredictit,andloandbehold, thatswhathappens.Thatsthepowerofbeliefsandexpectations! ComparethestatementNothingeverworksoutforme,soImightaswellgiveup withthisone:Imcreativeandhavesurvivedlotsofchallengesinmylife.Illsurvive thismarriagecrisis,too.ThereisawaythroughthisandImgoingtoUindit. Canyouhearandfeelthedifference?Isthereanabsoluteguaranteethatsomeone withthismorepositiveattitudeandenergywillbeabletosavehisorhermarriage? No,ofcoursenottheresneveraguaranteebuttheoddscertainlyrisemuch higherandtherearemorecreativepossibilitiesandgoodenergytosuperchargethis personsefforts. Andyoucertainlywanttogiveyourselfeverychancetosaveandimproveyour marriage.Wouldntyouagree? StillanotherareatoexaminethatinWluencesyourmindsetistolookcloselyat yourdeepestfears.Ifyoureindangeroflosingyourmarriage,youareprobably feelingsomeofthesefears: FearofUinancialruin:HowcanIafforddivorce?Ivehearditcancostover $20,000. Fearofrejection:DoesthismeanthatImnotattractiveanymore? Fearoflosinglove:HowwillIeverUindloveagain? Fearoflosingyourfamily:WillIlosemycloserelationshipswithmykids andmyextendedfamily? Fearoflosingstabilityandroutine:HowwouldIeveradjusttoanewlife? andHowcanIlivewiththisuncertaintyhangingovermyheadallthe time? Fearoftheunknown:Idontknowwhatwillhappentome. Fearofconfrontation:IdontwanttoUight.
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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Fearofemotionalhurt:Howcouldhe(orshe)dothistome? Fearofneverbeinghappyagain:Ivelostmychanceathappiness. Fearofhumiliation:Whatwillfriendsandfamilythinkifwedivorce? Aresomeofyourfearsonthislist?Ifso,yourecertainlynotalone.Mostpeoplewho areexperiencingseriousmarriageproblemsbattlefear. Sohowdoyoueliminatefearatthistimeofcrisiswhensomuchisshakyand uncertain? HeresHowtoReduceandManageYourFear Youcanttotallyeliminatefear,butyoucanreduceittoamoremanageablelevel. How?Youwanttotameit,makefriendswithit,andwalkdirectlyintoit. Whenwetrytoputourfearsinaclosetandshutthedoor,theydontgoawaythey onlygrowintomonstersinthedarkcloset.Thatswhyyoumayhaveheardthe saying,Whatyouresistpersists.Ifyourespendinglotsoftimeandenergydreading something,youreactuallyaddingenergytowhatyouredreadingandmakingiteven worse. Onethingyoucandoishaveanimaginaryconversationwithfear.Youcouldsayto yourselfsomethinglike,Oh,hereyouareagain.Iknowwhatyouareyouremy fearoflosingmymarriageandneverbeinghappyagainanddyingallaloneoneday. Okay,weneedtotalk.Comeonin,sitdown,andletshaveacupofteawhileItalk withyou. Thenyoucanlookyourfearstraightintheeyeandsay,Yes,itsscarybeingina marriagecrisis,andno,Idontknowhowthiswillturnout,butletmegetanotebook orjournalandwriteaboutwhatImfeelingrightnowandatleastgetitdownon paper,soitsnotjustrattlingaroundinsidemyheadwithnorelief.
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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Youmightalsodecidetocallatrustedfriendandsharethatyourefeelingfearful andremindyourselfoftimesinthepastwhenthishasbeenhelpful. YoudontwanttoletyourfeardeUinewhoyouareandwhatyoudo.Knowthatits possibletoactinspiteofthefear.Aconstantlyfearfulmindsetwilllimitwhatyoure abletoaccomplishinyoureffortstosaveyourmarriage. Onereasonisbecausefearparalyzesyousothatitsmuchhardertotakeanyaction atall.Anotheristhatfearhurtsyourabilitytobecreativeandopenthecreativepart ofyourselfthatcanthinkofoptionsandnewthingstotry.Youcantbeafraidand creativeatthesametime. Thefactisthatalthoughduringacrisispeopletendtospendalotoftimethinking aboutthefutureandalsolotsoftimebeatingthemselvesupforwhattheyhave doneornotdoneinthepasttheonlyrealityyouhaveisthismomentrightnow.You wanttofocusonthepresentmostofthetime. Thatswhyitssoimportanttostayinthepresentandnotletyourmindjumpahead, imaginingwhatcangowronginthefutureyoucanscareyourselfsillydoingthis. Andfeardoesawfulthingstoyourmindset.Itshardertostaypositiveandfocused whenyoureinthegripsoffear.Also,itshardertocallupthebeliefsandattitudes andexpectationsthatwillhelpyouthemostatthistimewhenyourelivingmostof yourtimeinfear. YouWanttoBeasCalmasPossibleandConnectedwithYourInnerSelf Usewhatevergivesyoustrengthyourspiritualconnection,faith,trust,inspirational booksandaudiorecordings,upliftingbiographiesofnotablepeoplewhowent throughdifUiculttimesandsurvivedwhatevercomfortsandsustainsyou.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Anothercomponentofmindsettobeawareofisyourselftalk.Areyoufeeding yourselfwithacriticalvoicegivingnegativemessages,suchasImsostupidIm nothingbutaloser?DoyouknowwhatinnercriticalvoiceImtalkingabout?Itsthe onethattalksyououtoftryingyourbestbecausenothingyoueverdoworksout anyway. Anditstheinnercriticalvoicethattellsyouyourenotprettyorhandsomeenough, thatnoonewilleverwanttobewithyou,andthatyourejustmakingafoolof yourself.Thisvoicecancauseyoualotofgriefifyouletit. Instead,comeupwithstatementsyoucanmaketoyourselftocounterthecritical voice.Herearesomepossibilities: Iamcapableofchange. Ihavecourageandmotivationtosavemymarriage. Iampersistentandconsistent. Icanlearnnewbehaviorsandwaysofdoingthings. IambeingsupportedbyGod,friends,andlovedones.(ForthewordGod, youcansubstitutethewordsHigherPower,Universe,Lifeorwhateverterm youprefer.) GoodformeforhavingthecouragetotakeactionImproudofmyself! Ihavemanygoodqualitiesthatothersappreciate. Theimportantthingisthatyouwanttomonitoryourselftalksothatyoucanwork oncreatingselftalkthatismorepositiveandafUirming.Dontgetupsetwhenyou realizeyourebeatinguponyourselfjuststopitimmediatelyandsubstituteamore afUirming,positivestatementinitsplace.Andworkonbecomingmoreselfawareof whenyouarebeatingyourselfupsoyoucanstopitsooner.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Inadditiontobeingawareofyourcriticalselftalk,itsalsoimportanttolook closelyatthestoryyouaretellingaboutwhatishappeninginyourmarriage. Listentohowyouretellingyourstorywhenyoutalktoyourselforothers. Howyoutalkaboutit,thewordsyouuse,andtheperspectiveyoutakewillall inUluencetheoutcomeofyourefforts.Youcantellthestoryofhowyourspousewas sohorribleandungratefulthatsheblindsidedyouwiththenewsthatshewanteda divorceoryoucantellthestoryabouttheshockyouhadwhenthathappenedand howyouareworkingontryingtobetterunderstandyourpartinallofthis,because youarecommittedtousingthisasanopportunitytolearnandgrow. Again,youhavethechoicetofocusonastorywhereyoureahelpless,innocent victimortocreateastorythatismoreempoweringforyourself. Amarriagecrisisisatestinggroundarelationshiplab,youmightsay.Itswhere yougettoincreaseyourrelationshipskills,deepenyourspiritualconnection,and Uindoutwhatstrengthyoureallypossessevenwhenyoufeelyouarentstrong.This canbeatimeofgreatpersonalgrowthanddiscoveryORitcanbeatimeof bitterness,despair,limitedexpectations,andnegativethinking.Itsuptoyou. Thatswhyitsvitalthatyoustopandspendtimethinkingaboutwhatmindsetyoull choosetohaveinordertogetthroughthecurrentcrisisacrisiswhichmaybe shortlivedorwhichmaydragonforquitesometime. Heresanessentialquestionforyou:Areyouwillingtostopusingexcusesand doanythingittakestosaveyourmarriage? TheresawonderfulquotebyJohnAssaraf:Ifyoureinterested,youdowhats convenient.Whenyourecommitted,youdowhateverittakes.Youllneedtoughness andpersistencetokeeponkeepingon.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Youmayneedtochangewhoyouspendyourtimewithandhangaroundpeople whoaremorepositiveandwhohavehappymarriagesorrelationships. Atallcosts,youmustavoidpeoplewhowanttopourgasolineontheUireand encourageyoutoblameyourmateforeverything.TheymaytrytofantheUlamesof bitternessandbadfeelingsbetweenyouandyourspouse. Youmightgetatemporaryfeelingofbeingsupportedbyhearingthatothersarebad mouthingyourspouseandlettingyouoffthehook,butinreality,greatdamageis beingdone.Youcantmaintainthemindsetthatsrequiredforsuccessbybeingina placeofblameandvictimhood. Asyoutransformyourinnermindset,youopenuppotentialfortransforming yourrelationship.Havepositiveexpectations.Youhavetobeinapositiveplaceto attractyourspousebackandtothinkclearlyandcreativelysoyoucanbeatyour best. Ifyousayyoucanoryousayyoucanteitherway,youreprobablyright.Itsyour call.Whatwillitbe? Yourthoughts,beliefs,attitudes,andexpectationsallhavearoleinhelpingto determinetheoutcomeforyouandyourmarriage.Youllwanttocultivateapositive mindset,withpositivebeliefs,positivethoughts,positiveattitudes,andpositive expectations. However,thisdoesntmeanthatyouresupposedtobecomeafalse,phonyPollyanna typepersonwhosgushingabouthowwonderfulthemarriagecrisisisandwitha fakesmileplasteredonyourfacenotatall.Thisisntaboutdenyingtherealityof thedifUicult,serioussituationathandorpretendingthatthingsdonthurtwhenthey reallydo.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Youcanbehonestandrealaboutthesituationbeingchallenging,havingtimes whenitshardtocope,andtimeswhenyoufeelreallydownandarestruggling.You cansaythesethingsandstillchoosetofocusyourthoughtsandbeliefsandattitudes andexpectationsinaspositiveadirectionaspossibleknowingthatyouwontdoit perfectly,butstretchingyourselftogrowinamorepositivedirectionthemajorityof thetimeoratleastmoreofthetimethanatyourstartingpoint. Surrendertotrustandfaith:Sayyestoopportunitiesforgrowthwithcourage andfaith.Allisworkingforyourhighergoodonsomedeeplevelyoucantalwayssee atthetimecanyoubelievethis? Einsteinoncestated,Themostimportantquestionyoulleveraskiswhetherthe Universeisafriendlyplace.Andthisisamostbasicquestionitdeterminesan importantpartofyourmindsetandapproachtolifewhichaffectstheattitude, beliefs,andexpectationsofyourmindsetthatyouarebringingtoyourmarriage situation. Doyoufeelthatlifeisouttogetyou?Thatyounevergetafairbreak?Ifso,whatyour mindsetisyourthoughts,beliefs,attitudes,andexpectationswillbevery differentfromthatofsomeonewhobelievesthatwhilelifeisntalwayseasy,God(or LifeortheUniverse)nevergivesusmorethanwecanbearandevenifthingsare verypainfulrightnow,eventuallytherellbealightattheendofthedarktunnel. Practicegratitudeandappreciationforwhatsrightaboutyourmarriageand yourliferightnoweventhoughitsnotideal.Itsimportanttoincludegratitudein yourmindsetandtopracticehavingagratefulheart.Itsoneofthewaysyoulearnto focusonthepositiveandtodevelopamorepositivemindset. Handlethistimewithselfawareness,honesty,integrity,andcommitment.This isatestofwhoyouareandwhoyoucanbecomeandyouwanttobethebestyou possible.
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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Whenthisstressfultimeofcrisisisoverandyourelookingbackonit,itwillbe importanttoknowthatyouhandledthingsinawaythatyoureproudof.And anotherpointtorememberisthatyourspouseandyourkids,ifyouhavekids,are watchingyoucloselytoseehowyoureactwhenthechipsaredown. Acrisiscancertainlyprovidepositiveteachingmomentsforyouwithyourkids.They arelearningbyeverythingyousayanddoandalsobywhatyoudontsayanddo. Theresasaying,Howyoudoanythingishowyoudoeverything. Whatthismeansisthattheresnothingsosmallthatitdoesntmatter.Howyou handleeventhesmallestdetailsarerepresentativeofhowyouhandlealloftheother thingsinyourlifesmallorbig. Sotheresnolittlelieorlittleretaliatoryact.Everythingcounts.Howyoudo anythingishowyoudoeverythingthisisanimportantconcepttoincorporateinto yourmindset. Itsessentialtorealizethatchanginghabitstakestimesomepeoplefeelthatit takes2130daystoanchoranewhabit.Itslikelearninganythingnewyoutake somestepsinthenewdirectionandthenyoubackslideandregress.Butwhenthat happens,justpickyourselfup,dustyourselfoff,andcontinueprogressingtoward yourgoal.Dontberateyourselfjustgetupandkeepmovingforward. Workingintenselyonyourmindsetwillcertainlytakeyououtofyourcomfortzone, butdoitanywaystretchyourself. Toanchoryournewmindsetchanges,youllneedtopracticethenecessary mentalhousecleaningeveryday.Youllwanttoworkonbecomingmoreself awareofwhenyourefallingbackintothehabitualthinkingandmindset,whichtakes ongoingcommitmenttolookingatyourself.

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Isuggestthatyourevieweachdayatnight,beforegoingtobed.Makeitahabitlike bathingorbrushingyourteethyouwanttocleanseyourmindofdebrisyouve accumulatedduringtheday.Reviewthedayandroleplayinyourmindhowyouwant tohandlethingsdifferentlythenexttime. TheexcitingthingisthatyouCANchangeandmodifyyourmindsetsothatit helpsyouinsteadofhurtsyou. YouCANlearntobemoreselfawareandtoseetheopportunitiesforgrowthand positivechangethatarepresentinthemidstofthemarriagecrisisanduncertainty. YouCANlearntobemorepositiveinyourthoughts,whichwillleadtomorepositive beliefs,attitudes,andexpectations.YouCANchoosetocreateamindsetthat transformsyourlifeandyourmarriage. Ifyouonlyrememberonethingfromthistimewevespenttogether,remember thattheinnerworldyouinhabitdirectlyimpactswhatyoureabletodointheouter worldinyourmarriageandinyourlife.Whenyouchangeyourmindset,you changewhatspossibleinyourmarriageandineveryareaofyourlife.Itsthat important!

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The Mindset You Absolutely Must Have to Save Your Marriage

Asafreebonusforgettingthisprogram,youllalsoreceivetheweeklyKeepYour MarriageInternetNewsletter,fullofhelpfultipsandadvice.Youcanunsubscribe wheneveryoulike.Theresneveranychargeforthis.Besuretowatchyourinboxfor theoptinemailfromKeepYourMarriageandclickonthesubscribelinktoactivate yoursubscription.Thenyoullbesettostartreceivingthefreeweeklyadvicethatcan strengthenandenrichyourmarriageallatnocosttoyou.(Incasenoemailsarrive, pleasegotowww.FreeMarriageMagazine.comtomanuallysubscribetothe newsletter.) ToIindoutmoreaboutDr.NancyWassonshighlyeffectivemarriagesavingsystem,go towww.KeepYourMarriage.com.Inthissystem,shegoesintodetailaboutexactlywhat todoandnottodotosaveyourmarriage,includingthetop21mistakesyouabsolutely dontwanttomake,whybeggingandpleadingdontwork,andwhatstepstotake immediatelytostopthedownwardslidetoseparationanddivorce.

IfyouwouldlikeadditionalhelpandareinterestedinphonecoachingwithDr.Wasson, youcangetmoreinformationatwww.KeepYourMarriage.com/Consultation.htm.Dr. Wassonworkswithproactiveindividualsandcoupleswhoarewillingtotake responsibilityandworkonthemselvessothattheycanIinetunetheirmindsetand actionsandcreateasuccessfulmarriage.

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