Copyright © 2022 by Ashley Constantine

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ISBN: 978-1-64434-234-3
DISCLAIMER
This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and
dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be
construed as real. While references might be made to actual
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STEELING HER
ASHLEY CONSTANTINE

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 Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
I Love Tequila
CHAPTER TWO
Turn Around
CHAPTER THREE
You a Steel Fan?
CHAPTER FOUR
Damsel in Distress
CHAPTER FIVE
What Type of Girl Am I?
CHAPTER SIX
’Night, Kids! Stay Safe, and Wear Protection
CHAPTER SEVEN
She Kicked It Real Good, Jackson
CHAPTER EIGHT
And What’s The Opposite of Ugly
CHAPTER NINE
I Might Even Kiss You
CHAPTER TEN
Chocolate Cake
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Fireball
CHAPTER TWELVE
I’ve Never Met Someone Like You
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
 A Perfect Fit
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
This Is How It Works
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Petty
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Piss Off My Wife and You’ll Know All About It
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I Just Did What I Had To Do To Not Lose You
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
It All Comes Out Now
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Forbidden Fruit
CHAPTER TWENTY
I Want My Apology Here
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
So I Guess This Is Where I Leave You
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
You Know Why I’m Here
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Little One
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
She Defended You
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Mine
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
A Big Mushy, Cuddly, Giant Teddy Bear
 CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Daddy
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Scared The Living Soul Out Of Me
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I Trust You
CHAPTER THIRTY
It Was Just a Joke, Man
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
A Rare Piece of Art
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
I Want the Girl
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Never Forget
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
I Can’t Set Her Free
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Milestone
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Don’t Get Too Distracted
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
It’s Been A Rough Few Days
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
He Might Trust Me, But I Don’t Trust Myself
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
She’s The One That Got Away
CHAPTER FORTY
 Loving Me Senseless
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
You Deserve Happiness Too
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
We Need to Talk
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
I Would Find You Sooner, Keep You Forever, and Love You
Harder
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Forgive, Forget, and Fix
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Nobody Fights Over Dessert
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Just Say It
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Have I Lost Her Completely?
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
My One Out Of Ten
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Nothing Definitive
CHAPTER FIFTY
This House Has a Thousand Stories
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
That’s For Another Car Ride
EPILOGUE ONE
EPILOGUE TWO
EPILOGUE THREE
OceanofPDF.com
I would like to dedicate this book to my family and all the readers
who have
followed this book from the beginning and throughout.

Thank you for all the support.

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 Trigger Warning:
The following story contains strong language,
light violence, scenes of abuse, and adult content.
Reader discretion is advised.

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 CHAPTER ONE
I Love Tequila

Nick
“How much shit do you need, Haley? You’re only going to be
here until Thanksgiving, then you’ll leave at Christmas, right? You don’t
need four suitcases.” My sister is one of the worst packers I’ve ever met.
Actually, scratch that—all girls are the worst packers I’ve ever met. But
four cases? Yeah sure, I work out everyday, but I’m praying her dorm
building has an elevator I can use to get this crap into her room. She just
had to buy the brightest colors for the cases too, really showing her
personality to the entire campus. Blue, pink, purple, and yellow. All bright,
all seen. And I have to carry them all. Well, with the help of TJ.
“Pink really brings out your eyes, bro.” TJ punches my shoulder,
making me glare hard at him. I’m not in the mood for his shit as well as my
sister’s. I can hear her giggling up in front of the car while I’m stand here
staring at the cases.
“Shut the fuck up. You can take the pink and purple ones. I’ll take
the blue and yellow.” TJ rolls his eyes and slides the pink one out, with the
yellow one following.
We arrived here last week for training sessions for the football
team. Our training today was brutal; the heat does a lot to your head when
you’re running around. Having Maya there was a huge distraction too, if
you know what I mean. Coach picked on me hard today; my head was not
focused. Not hard to figure out why, that’s why coach was on my case.
“Oh, I have a few boxes for you to bring up too when you’re done
with the cases.” Haley kisses our cheeks.
I know the game she’s playing. Flipping her blonde hair to one
side with a cheeky smile on her face, she knows I’ll give in to her. I reach
up my head, taking my cap off and rubbing my hand along my forehead
through my hair, all the while sighing. Placing my cap back on, I proceed to
lift the cases up for her into the main building, where she’ll be staying.
Two roommates. Two new friends. Not that she finds it hard to
make any. She never shuts up. She’s got the gift of the gab; she got it from
my mom.
Reaching for the door, I open it and let TJ walk in with the other
two cases. We both can see and enjoy the view: girls crowded around in the
reception area to get their keys and meet with their roommates. Haley
already has hers, so we walk past the girls eyeing us up. Seeing their
flushed cheeks, I smile to myself and TJ. What girl doesn’t want to be with
a football player? A college football player—one who has scouts at almost
every game he plays. Ripped body, six pack included, dirty blond hair, and
a smile that makes girls’ panties wet.
“Dude, some cute looking freshmen this year. You see all those
short skirts?” TJ asks me as he looks back at the young girls who are staring
at us. Averting their eyes away from us, we high five each other to say we
still got it.
Once we finally get to Haley’s floor, we find her standing outside
the room with the door open. We push her bags through to see an empty
dorm. Her roommates mustn’t be here yet? TJ pushes her bag through to
what we guess is the room she claimed as hers, her arm hanging
dramatically in the air like what you would do while bowling. Hearing a
crash in the room, he whips his head around to see Haley tapping her foot.
The terrified look on his face makes me snort.
He goes slightly red with embarrassment. “I was meant to do
that.” He smiles awkwardly at her.
“Yeah, well, pick it up,” she sasses back at him. I kick her other
two cases into the room.
“Our babies!” My mom burst through the open door and runs to
Haley, then to me, then to TJ.
TJ is like her fourth child. I’ve been best friends with him since I
was three. We’re neighbours, and we met by fighting each other. A lot. Both
of us came home with bloody noses and bruises on our cheeks. Good times.
My mom’s blonde hair whips through the conditioned air like
always. And like always, she had her hair and makeup done. I wonder
where Haley gets it from?
 Once she’s done squeezing the life out of Haley, she makes a
beeline for me. I suck in a breath because she likes them long. My mom’s
hugs are the best hugs; filled with love, and nothing else.
My younger sister Ellie runs through the door with my dad
following behind her. Her laugh illuminates the room and she makes her
way towards me with her arms stretched out. I swiftly pick her up once my
mom lets up and whirl her around, making that laugh last a little longer.
I see my mom run to TJ to give him her special hug. It’s good
having my family with me, but it will take forever to get my mom to leave.
I already know how it’s going to go. She’ll want to help Haley get her room
ready, make every excuse under the sun not to leave, will hug us all
together, and then the waterworks will happen. Then she’ll blame us for
ruining her makeup. Like it’s our fault for growing up.
“Son, you better look after your sister.” My dad’s large hand rests
on my shoulder. “Damn son! You been hittin’ the gym lately? I can barely
put my hand on your shoulder!” He laughs, patting me harder before
walking over to my mom.
“Yeah, coach has a new strength and conditioning program for us.
Been going everyday trying it out. Glad to know it’s working.” I smile over
my sister’s head at him. Ellie takes my hat off and puts it on her head,
covering her face. I can’t help but laugh at her. She enjoys swimming in my
clothing.
I feel my phone buzz in my back pocket. I have a feeling I know
who it is.

Unknown: I had so much fun last night! Lets do it again

;) xx

Or not. But the next message was her.

Maya: Nick, we got a hot tub at our sorority, you should

come try it out with me! Pool party next weekend, but you can come
over any time ;) x
Erin: You going to the party later? We should catch up,
maybe come back to mine tonight? ;)
 I put Ellie down so she doesn’t read the messages out loud to my
family. That’s all I needed. I smile at my screen with the numerous options I
have tonight. I mouth “Party tonight” to TJ, whose grin gets bigger when I
tell him.
“Nick, TJ, will you grab Haley’s boxes from the car too? Thanks
boys.” Not waiting for our response, she struts with her heels into Haley’s
room with Ellie behind her. TJ and I groan loudly, making my dad laugh at
our reactions.
“Come on, Dad, help us out, will you?” I lift up my arm with my
hand outstretched for him to follow us out the door. He shakes his head and
places a hand on his lower back, squinting his eyes like he’s in pain. “Sorry
boys, you’re on you own. I’m old, and my back isn’t as strong as it used to
be to lift them up. But your mother, on the other hand . . .” he trails off,
smirking at us and causing another groan to leave our mouths except louder.
“That’s what she says.” He winks. We run out the door before he could
continue. My dad thinks he’s hilarious when he makes references about his
and my mom’s sex life.
I do not need to know that shit. No child should know that about
their parents’ sex life. Ever. Period.
TJ and I jog down the stairs to get to the main lobby where the
girls are getting an introduction to the dorm rules. We interrupt them by
walking past them. Gaining a few looks, we send them a few winks, making
them giggle and blush.
Too easy.
Grabbing as many boxes as we can, we walk by them yet again,
having their attention in the palm of our hands as we walk to the elevator.
Both of us are waiting for it to open. Once it does, we step inside and see
the girls still checking us out. We send them a small wave and a smile, and
some of them send one back.
Freshmen are way too easy.
“All the fresh pussy in that lobby dude. I can’t wait for this party
tonight.” TJ looks up at the numbers gradually lighting up as we move
upwards.
“I’ve already got three options for tonight. The girl from last night
whose name I can’t remember for shit, Maya, and Erin. Although, I’m
feeling for something different, someone younger. You know, perky ass,
good tits, and hot body.” TJ nods while the bell dings, telling us we’ve
reached the floor again.
“I feel ya, bro! I want something different, too. Some of the girls
are just a bit too . . .” His eyes dart around the hallway to find the right
word.
“Available,” I finish it for him while he nods. I kick the door back
open and place my sister’s boxes down on the ground for her.
TJ and I decided to leave after a half an hour. I’ve got to leave
before my mom starts her crying party piece. It’s getting late, and I’ve got
to shower for the party for tonight.
Driving back to the house me and the guys are staying in, I tell
Haley I’d drop around tomorrow to make sure she’s settled in and if she
needed help with any furniture or anything else. Apparently, one of her
roommates bought all the furniture because it looks fancy. Her family must
be loaded. That could only mean one thing to me. She’s hot.
Pulling into the driveway, I see Rob and Ryan waiting for us. Rob
and Ryan are twins who are staying with me. TJ and few more are walking
into the house at the same time as us.
“Dude! Your sister is a freshman here? She hot?” Ryan asks me
with a cheeky grin.
I smack Ryan in the back of the head, making his twin bellow a
laugh as he clutches his sides. “Stay the fuck away from my sister. All of
you! You touch her, I will skin you alive. Got it?”
Rubbing the back of his head, he agrees not to touch her. I just
have to tell the rest of the guys tonight. Knowing Haley, she’ll flirt with
anything that has a penis, so I’ve got to put my threats in so when she does,
they’re not going to bother with her.
My sister is going to be single for the rest of her life; less stress
for me having to deal with the guy who breaks her heart. I want none of that
crap to happen to either of my sisters. That’s why I don’t bother with
relationships; too messy. Girls can be so dramatic.
“I’m going for a quick shower! See you in thirty!” TJ says to me
and I nod in response. I turn to walk down the hallway to my room where
I’ll be doing the exact same thing as TJ.
Slipping into the shower, I allow the water to trail down my skin
and heat my body up. I start to have flashbacks of last night. Rebecca I
think was her name. Let’s go with Rebecca. The images of her grinding on
my dick flashes through my mind. That dirty mouth of hers whispering
filthy things to me. She was a squealer, and that was her downfall. She just
wouldn’t shut up; too loud.
The time when her mouth was wrapped around my dick was
good. She gives a good blowjob, I’ll give her that. Great rack too.
“Fuck!” I rest my head against the tiles on the wall. I instinctively
grab my hardened length and begin to stroke it. I think about all the nights
I’ve had with girls. The best one was, hands down, Maya. The shit that girl
can do will make you get you excited just thinking about it. Right now, I’m
excited as fuck.
Pumping myself to an orgasm. I milk myself dry just at the
thought of tonight. I can’t wait to be buried in a new girl. I’ve made my
mind up. I want a fresh piece of ass tonight. Nothing like I’ve had before. I
want a good fuck—a long fuck.

* * *

Carter
“Mom, you turn right here . . . no, here! MOM! Turn the steering
wheel!” One of these days, I will hunt the person who gave my mom a
drivers licence. This woman shouldn’t be on roads at all. She flew in with
me to get me settled into college. My dad and brothers couldn’t come
because football season is coming up. My dad is the coach for the New
York Giants while my brothers play in the NFL for the LA Chargers.
Both of my parents went to college in Ole Miss, along with my
older brothers Austin and Chris. I’m the youngest and the only girl in the
family. My family is known in the football industry because of my father’s
winning record, and the fact that he has two sons playing in the NFL for a
team that meets his own in the Super Bowl. It’s hard to decide who you’re
supporting when it comes to that.
“I know where I’m going honey . . . Sort of . . . Okay, which turn
is it again? These roads are different from when I was here . . . ?” she trails
off as she looks around her surroundings. I can tell by her face that she
doesn’t recognize anything from when she was here. On top of not
recognizing anything, she has a terrible sense of direction.
“Mom, the building is right there. Just park here. I’ll grab the stuff
and you can wheel it through the building. I’m in dorm 45A.” I hop out of
the car that has now been parked outside a tall white building, with its
double doors greeting me. There looks to be about ten floors. I take a case
from the trunk and drag it up the steps with a struggle. I open the door for
myself and push the case through with my knee as it was rolling in a
direction it didn’t need to go in. I see some girls waiting around in the space
beside a desk. I walk up to see an older girl sitting with a highlighter,
flicking through stapled paper with rows of names.
“Name?” she asks in a bored tone.
“Carter Steel.” She flicks through the paper to get to the end,
where the S’s are located. She sees my name and highlights it. Pushing her
chair back, she rolls away from the desk until she hits a cabinet behind her.
Dancing her fingers across the envelopes, she comes across mine and hands
it over to me, slamming the door back into its place.
“Your room is 45A on the fourth floor. It’s the fifth door from the
elevator. A means North, so you’ll be on the north end of the building.
Here’s a map of the building and one of the campus. Your roommates are
Haley Jackson and Danielle Connors. Your keys are in that envelope. If you
lose them, it’s a hundred dollar fine, and you have to get the locks changed
too. There’s two keys in there, so try not to lose any of it.” She points over
to the free elevators, and I wheel my case away from her. I’ve got a feeling
she hates her job.
My mom falls into step beside me as we wait to allow other girls
to enter the elevator with us. Pressing the different floors each of us are
going to, we all wait in silence. My floor was the first stop. Excusing
myself around the others, we both make it out and make our way to 45A,
which was further away than I originally thought. I open the envelope to
retrieve my keys but my mom notices the door is open upon hearing voices
inside.
“Yeah, I’m from here. Well, two towns over, b—” a blonde girl
stops talking to the dark brunette-haired girl when she sees me. “You must
be Carter!” she beams at me, running over with the other girl following her.
“I’m Haley! Hi! Nice to meet you!” She holds out her hand for me to take
and I shake it.
“Yeah, I’m Carter,” I say nervously. Meeting new people was
never my strong point; I’m quiet, shy, and so bad at talking. I don’t have
many friends. They only want to know me because of my last name and
what it comes with. Most girls befriend me to get to my brothers, then they
dispose me like trash.
“I’m Danielle! I love your shoes!” the other girl introduces herself
too.
“It’s nice to meet you. And thanks, I like yours too,” I mumble,
embarrassed by the compliment. I fix my hair awkwardly as I stand under
their gazes, studying me.
“You’re going to be the shy one, aren’t you?” Haley smiles at me.
“She’s always been shy, but college is the time to get out of that
shell of hers. Live a little honey. Not too much, I don’t want to see you in
your birthday suit on TV. Neither does your father,” my mom jokes, making
us all laugh and, little by little, washing the awkwardness between us away.
After spending some time with us, my mom decides to leave. She
hesitates at first. Then she cries, more like wails, “My gosh, my baby is all
grown up! Your father is so proud of you, sweetie! I’m sorry he and your
brothers couldn’t come to see you, but they’ll visit. They promised me they
would.” She pats my head, sliding it down to cup my cheek. I see the tears
stinging her eyes and one drips down her rosy cheeks.
“It’s fine, Mom. I know they’re busy. I’ll be fine.”
Giving me one last squeeze, she says goodbye to the girls and
walks out the door, blowing a million kisses at us. Once she leaves, there is
a short silence in the room. I stare at the closed door, almost waiting for her
to open it back up and take me back to New York. But it doesn’t.
“Your mom is so cute!” Haley gushes at the door. “I’ve a feeling
we’re all going to be great friends! You both seem like my kind of girls! So
why don’t we go out and celebrate our newfound freedom? I know there’s a
party on tonight. We can meet college boys there. Who’s in?”
Danielle shoots her hand straight up while I rub the back of my
neck. I’ve only been to one party in high school and the cops got called.
Safe to say, that scared me for life.
 “Um, I think I’m going to skip it. I’m a little tired tonight. I just
want to settle in and adjust—” I tell her but she shakes her head no.
“Carter, come on! Please, it’s our first night here I want to party
with my new friends. It’ll be fun, I promise you. If it’s not, we’ll come
home.” Haley begs me clasping her hands.
“Parties aren’t really my thing—”
“Well, this year they will be! Look, we’ll all stay together and
leave together? How about that?” she pleads once more. Her eyelashes are
batting at me. I smile to her and give in. I couldn’t think of anything worse
than going to this party.
“Yes! Okay, so, I can do your hair and makeup and then let you
borrow a dress if you want? I don’t want you to feel pressured.” Too late for
that. I nod and place my bag down on the table.
I feel Haley’s tools poking my face as I sit there with my eyes
closed. She’s instructing me while I’m sitting down in her tight-fitting red
dress she gave me for the night. It feels like a corset. I’m struggling to both
breathe and hide my stomach, which I know is on full display right now. I
really need to start exercising.
“Carter, you have a such a natural glow on your face!” Haley
whines playfully. I snort at whatever that means. “Done!” She clicks
something.
I open up my eyes adjusting to the light to see myself in the
mirror. My eyebrows shoot up, and my eyes widen at the sight of me.
“Wow . . .” I whisper, moving my face from side to side and allowing the
lighting to hit in different angles. “You’re good at this,” I tell Haley, who is
sitting there proudly while pulling on some heels.
“I know, lots of practice.” She smiles at me once more. I can tell
she’s one of those girls who likes to dress up and wear makeup. She’s
naturally stunning—beautiful, in fact. Same with Danielle. She has pale
skin that makes her look so mysterious. She’s super funny and feisty. Haley
likes to talk, but I like those kind of people; it saves me from having to
speak. She can do it for me.
“Carter, you have a banging body! You should wear dresses a lot
more!” Danielle comments, making me blush. While she finishes off her
own makeup, Haley pours us some shots before we go out. I feel the sting
burn down my throat as I take the shot. I scrunch up my face at the
aftertaste.
“Ugh, I hate tequila,” Haley says, and yet, we both drank the crap.
“Then why did we drink it?” I ask innocently. I’ve decided that
tequila isn’t really my drink. I’ve come to an understanding that it’s just not
going to work out.
“Meh, to get drunk quicker?”
I put the glass down on the table and shake my head. “Oh no, I
don’t want to get dru—”
I start before Danielle interrupts me, “Carter, you look like you
need at least one wild night. You don’t need to get drunk, but it certainly
helps in order to tolerate the people we’re going to meet tonight . . .” She
stands up to check her makeup and likes what she sees. Strutting over in her
heels, she takes the three shots that were lined up for her. She drinks them
with ease, with no faces being made in disgust of the taste. “Unlike you
two, I love tequila.” She winks, finishing off the last shot.
We all grab our clutches, signifying we’re ready to leave. Walking
out the door and towards the elevator, we meet a couple of girls who are
going to the same party as us. Haley keeps talking to them while I just stand
with Danielle, listening and smiling at their conversation. I’m so bad at
meeting new people.
My hands nervously run over my dress, trying to smooth down
the nonexistent wrinkles in it. We walk towards a house booming with
music, and my phone buzzes in my purse. I fish it out to see my dad calling
me. I tap Haley’s shoulder and tell her, “Hey I’ve got to take this. I’ll come
find you guys inside?”
She nods and replies, “If you’re not inside in ten minutes, I’ll
come out and find you alright?” I smile at her kindness to withstand my
awkwardness. These girls are going to hate me by the end of the year.
“Hey, Dad!” I slide my finger across the screen, answering him.
“Carter! Sweetie! How are you? Did you settle in alright? What
are your roommates like? You like the place?” my dad says in one breath,
making me laugh. I mindlessly start walking around in circles while on the
phone with him.
“I’m fine, Dad. Yeah, Mom helped me out after eventually finding
the place. They’re really nice girls. We’re actually at a party now. But yeah,
the place is neat. They said thanks for getting the furnishings for our dorm.”
I play with my ear, kicking leaves around in my heels.
“You’re at a party? Don’t go too wild, honey. I know what parties
are like in college. I’ve saved your brothers from numerous ones when they
were there. I’m glad you’re settling in fine, and I can’t wait to come down
in a couple of weeks with your mom and the boys to see my baby girl.”
I miss his voice already. His job doesn’t allow much days off
around this time. Being the head coach of a high profile football team
doesn’t give you much leeway.
“I won’t. I’m only going to see what the hype is about and maybe
leave after an hour or so. Parties aren’t really my thing. I can’t wait to see
you all, too! I miss you already.” I feel the tightness in my chest. I’m a
family girl, and I always miss them when I’m away. But I’m in college
alone now, so it’s amplified.
“It’s good to hear your voice, honey. I miss having you around the
house. But go, enjoy the party! And don’t get too drunk, you’re still
underaged! And stay away from those college boys too! Lord only knows
what they do in their spare time . . .” he jokes, but he knows I won’t be bad.
I’m not like that; never have been. Plus, my brothers never let me be that
girl.
“Don’t worry, Dad! I’ll be good, I promise. See you soon. Love
you!” I smile through the phone at him.
“I know you will, Carter. I love you too! Bye, and be safe.” I end
the call with a bye and put my phone back into my clutch and seal it. I look
up to the house and see numerous bodies on a balcony and out on the porch,
people lying on the grass, making out with red cups scattered around, and a
few people doing a little more than making out, hands roaming and groping
bodies as they grind on each other. That’s a little awkward to see.
“Time for your first college party, Carter. Don’t be awkward . . .”
I mumble to myself, but I know I will be.
Let the games begin.

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 CHAPTER TWO
Turn Around

Nick
“To fresh pussy!” Caleb yells before we all down our shots.
Feeling the whiskey trailing down the back of my throat, I suck in a breath
between my teeth. I shake my head and squeeze TJ’s shoulder.
“To new chicks.” TJ whispers beside me, making me laugh. I go
to grab bottles of cold beer from the fridge in the kitchen. I feel a hand
stroke on my shoulder, the long nails trailing along the material of my shirt.
I smile down at the glass bottles, knowing who it is.
“Hey, babe! Long time no see!” I rise back up to my full height
and turn over my shoulder to see Maya in a tight black leather mini-dress,
boobs screaming out at me. Damn. “You look . . . good.” I snap the caps off
the tops of the bottles hearing the hiss.
“Good? Just good?” Her hands trailed down my abs, getting close
to the waistband of my boxers. Her red lips, with a smirk, make me want to
take her right now. Her blonde wavy hair and perfume is overpowering.
“You’re right, you look hot tonight. This little dress for me?” I
take her waist, rubbing her butt cheek. The leather feels good in my hands. I
take a sip of the beer in my hand and let my eyes roam around her figure.
She always had a great body, and it looks every better without clothes.
She leans in closer to me, allowing her breasts to push up on my
chest. Her lips graze my ear as she whispers, “Only for you, Jackson.” She
kisses the lower part of my ear. God, I love it when a girl does that. My
little buddy is already excited for the night ahead of me. I place my hand
wholly on her ass, allowing my fingers slide up her dress and feel her
panties—her wet panties.
She looks hot tonight. Maybe I can pull two girls for to the night?
I’ve done five before, so it’s not like I can’t do it. Damn, that night was
wild.
“Nick? Hello . . .” Her face is close to mine, snapping me out of
my daze.
“Yeah? Sorry, what did you say?” I ask her. I usually don’t listen
to what Maya says anymore. It’s usually about a relationship or a date;
something I’m not interested in. I’m not into being tied down to anyone, no
matter how hot the girl is. Especially not during my college years. Football
is my focus, and when I’m finished with that, that’s when I’ll start thinking
about dating. I doubt I’ll settle with anyone, though. I like the game too
much. So much variety.
“I was thinking, maybe we could go out to dinner next week?
Like, just the two of us?” I sigh to myself. Here we go again.
I look around to the masses of bodies around the kitchen. Some
are making out, some are flirting, and others are fighting. I run my fingers
across my jawline and exhale deeply. “Maya, you know I don’t date. I need
to stay focused on football. I’m on scholarship; I can’t afford to slip or I’m
off the team.” I’m trying everything in my power to make up the best
excuse. I’m pretty sure this works when girls want to get serious with me.
Majority of the time, it comes with a slap.
“Nick, you and I know that’s not true. You’re talented enough,
girlfriend or not. Give us a chance. You might like it?” I shake my head no,
making a deep frown etch onto her caked face. Three, two, one.
“Ugh! Nick! What is your problem committing? You make up the
same excuse every time! Grow some balls and ask me out!” She storms off,
leaving me standing there with my legs in a V shape leaning against the
counter behind me. Noticing I still have TJ’s bottle in my hand, I finish
mine and start drinking his. I grab him another and meander through people
to get to the couches where the guys are on surrounded by girls. As I
approach them, I get a few seductive “Hi Nick”s thrown my way and I nod
my head at them, checking them out as I walk past them.
Not tonight.
I sink into the couch beside TJ and hand him the bottle. “What
took you so long, bro?” he asks, taking a sip of the freshly opened beer I
gave him.
All I say is Maya’s name for him to understand and leave it alone.
He leans forward to stand up, looking down at me he asks, “I’m going to
look at the talent, you want to come?”
I shake my head and reply, “Maybe later. I want to sit and drink
for a while first.”
He shrugs and comments, “Suit yourself, more for me.” Walking
off back into the foyer, I spot Maya and her posse gathered over at the wall
opposite to where me and the guys are sitting. Some were sending me their
best glares. I’m pretty sure I’ve slept with all of her friends. So I tip my
bottle towards them, acknowledging that they’re staring at me.
Then I see a girl walk in and she catches my eye immediately. A
tight red dress hugs her curvy hips, accentuating her tiny waist. She’s
wearing Skyscraper heels and us clasping onto her bag like her life depends
on it. Nice breasts too, I can tell they’re real. Not too big, but perky, along
with a tight ass and toned legs that are to die for. Damn, this girl. Sitting on
the edge of the couch, I’m waiting for her head to turn around so I can see
her face. All I see is her long wavy brown hair that flowing down her back,
making me want to pull on and bend her over.
“Turn around,” I whisper to myself while taking another sip of the
beer. “Turn around,” I repeat and, finally, she lets me see her stunning face.
I feel my eyes widen and my brows shoot up. My breath catches in my
throat at the sight of her. Her striking blue eyes fall on mine as we stare at
each other. I see the her cheeks blush and she quickly looks away from me.
She’s shy. I like shy.
Her plump lips that are so moist, making me want to pull her in
and kiss her. She has high cheekbones, and her biting down on her lip is
making them stand out even more. All I’m thinking about is locking on to
those luscious lips.. Tasting her—tasting both sets of lips.
“Hey, red dress!” I hear Ryan speak up beside me on the couch.
Her head snaps to him and then looks behind her. She looks at me, then
back to Ryan, then points to her herself. “Yeah, you, come here. You look a
little lost? Wanna come sit here?” He pats his knee, making her own eyes
widen in shock.
She slowly shakes her head and says, “Um, n-no thank you. I’m
just trying to find my friends.”
She waves her hand and starts to walk away until Ryan stands up
and says, “Let me help you. I know my way around?”
 I know what he’s trying to do, but I saw her first. “Leave her
alone, Ryan,” I order him, keeping my eyes on her. Her eyes once again
land back on me, and I can’t tear my gaze away from her. She’s sexy as
hell, and she looks nervous. I stand up to allow her to check me out and was
about to say something to her, but TJ interrupts me.
“Look who I found,” he says with a huge grin and an arm over
Haley’s shoulders.
What the fuck?
“Haley! What the fuck are you doing here?” I put my anger into
words. I see the girl snap her head around to my sister. My sister does the
same to her.
“Carter! Thank God! I couldn’t find you! I thought you went back
to the dorm. I was going to call you but I didn’t have your number! I’ve
been looking for you everywhere.” She shakes herself off of TJ and makes a
run over to the girl. Carter? Her name is Carter? Fuck, that’s hot.
Both are wrapped up in a hug. I can see her smile and relief on her
face. How does she know my sister?
“I just came in now. I was going to come find you guys. This guy
was going to help me.” She points over to Ryan standing there smiling at
her. He only wanted to help her to get in her underwear. But she looks so
naive.
“How do you two know each other?” Hearing a familiar voice. Oh
wait, shit, that was mine. I press my teeth at how creepy I sounded. Dammit
Nick, you had to ask that didn’t you?
“Carter, this is my brother, Nick. Nick, this is Carter, my new
roommate.”
Roommate? Fuck! Why? Why does she have to be my sister’s
roommate? I turn my head around and take a sip, mumbling “Fuck” to
myself as I stretch out my hand for her to shake, stepping a little forward,
and she does. Feeling her skin on mine turns me on even more. I’m in
trouble.
“Hi, nice to meet you, Carter,” I tell her, staring into her crystal
blue eyes. She has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Now I’m
starting to sound like a girl. Fuck, Nick, act like a guy.
“Nice to meet you too, Nick,” she mumbles averting her eyes
around the room taking a step back from me. Is she scared or nervous? The
way she’s says my name takes me back a little. It just rolled of her tongue
so naturally. So perfectly.
“That’s TJ, Nick’s best friend. All of these guys play football for
this college—”
“Football?” she interrupts my sister, surprisingly enough. She
seems shy, but she can voice an opinion. She looks around to each of us
while Haley nods her head skeptically at her reaction. So she has a thing for
football players? Hey, I can try use that to my advantage. No Nick, she’s
your sisters roommate.
Seeing her face turn nervous, she backs out and walks away from
the group. What the hell? That’s one way to hook up with a football player.
What’s her tactic? I’ve never seen this. She just walked away from all of us,
leaving us in shock—leaving us wanting more.
“Is she alright?” I ask Haley, watching her tiny frame leave the
room and getting a few of the guys’ attention, all eyes watching her perky
butt move from side to side while she leaves quickly. That’s a good ass right
there. I press the rim of the bottle to my lips and appreciate the sight.
“She’s just a little . . . shy. She’s super nice and cool! Her mom
did our furnishings in our dorm room! And theres more stuff on its way
too!” Trying to find her in the crowd, I catch TJ’s eyes and he smirks at me,
knowing I’m looking for her. I roll my eyes and walk away from the group
as well. Coming back to the kitchen, I bend down to get another beer and as
I look up to find the opener, I see a red dress head out the back.
I quickly stand up readying myself to follow her but Maya stands
in my way. “Nick, baby, I want to go home. Come stay in my place tonight.
Alice won’t be coming back so we can be as loud as we want. None of the
girls will say anything!”
Not looking at her, I stare at the door and see red once more. She
comes back inside and starts to mumble something to herself. Her face turns
into a smile but I can see that she’s not comfortable being here. Taking
another deep breath, she turns her head to see me watching her. She begins
to panic again.
She takes off again into another room. What is up with her? I’m
so confused. Usually when I tell a girl I play football, they’re all over me;
not running away from me.
 “NICK! Fucking hell! I’m right here!” I snap my attention back to
the kinky blonde standing in front of me. Seeing red in her eyes, I blink,
just staring at Maya. I need to get laid.
I crash my lips into hers and place the bottle down on the counter.
Taking hold of her waist, I pull her body close to mine and kiss her hard. I
feel no emotion in this kiss. I need this mouth on my dick now. “Lets go
back to yours.” I grab her hand and walk out of the house. Seeing Carter
and my sister outside, I immediately let go of Maya and make my way over
to them.
“Haley! Where are you going?” Taking hold of my sisters arm, I
feel Maya creep to my side and shove her off a little so it doesn’t look like
much is going on. I don’t know why but I don’t want it to seem like it is.
Usually I don’t care, but I’m feeling a little different tonight. It could be that
the alcohol is hitting me harder than I thought.
“We’re going back to our dorm. Carter got grabbed and was taken
upstairs. but TJ rescued her. So, we’re going home.” I can see the way
Carter’s darting her eyes and how she was holding on to her arms as a sign
of protecting herself. I make eye contact with the brown-haired girl. I see
the wetness in her eyes even as she looks down at her feet. I can feel anger
build up in my body at who the hell had the audacity to touch a girl like
that. My sister’s friend and roommate. When I find out who it was, I will
kill him.
“Haley? Look who grew up! I love your dress!” Maya
compliments my sister. But Haley has never liked her. So she ignores her
and shoves off her compliment. Maya is just trying to suck up to her now
but she only wants one thing: me.
Clinging on to me more, I can feel the leather rub on me and her
hand teasing my waistband. I’m slowly getting more turned off and more
annoyed with the way she’s acting in front of my sister and her new friends.
“Babe, lets go. Before I get tired . . .”
I roll my eyes and ask my sister, “Do you need me to walk you
girls back to your dorm?” I see Carter take a step away from my offer,
afraid that what happened to her tonight will happen to her again. She has
her guard up. I know girls like her. Kind of. Well, not really.
“No, it’s cool. TJ said he’d walk us back to our dorm—” I see
Carter take my sisters shoulder and say lowly. So low I almost missed it.
 She said, “You guys can stay here, I can walk myself home.” In
response, Haley turns her body to face the timid girl standing behind her.
“Niiick, come on. Are we fucking or what?” Maya whines in my
ear seductively. She’s trying too hard now.
“Give me a fucking minute to talk to my sister, will you?” I growl
at her. She’s getting on my last nerve. She takes a step back off me, feeling
frustrated.
“After what just happened to you? No way. We’re not leaving you
to walk home by yourself, Carter.” Haley takes her hand, and I see TJ jog
out the house with some water in his hand. He starts to hand it over to
Carter and I snatch it out of his hand.
Turning it upside down, I squeeze it to see if there is a hole in the
top of the cap. Then I open the cap and find its seal broken. It’s been spiked.
I pour the water on the grass and tell the girls, “It was open, that means it’s
been spiked. Next time, TJ, check before giving any of them water, or any
drinks for that matter.”
I see her staring at the water splashing the grass, then she looks up
to meet my gaze.
I just want to take her home and bury myself in her. I shouldn’t be
thinking that, after what had happened to her. She looks shaken. But it’s the
only thought I have.
I can’t do that to my sister, though. It’s her roommate. She doesn’t
have many friends because they usually use her to get to me. Once I bang
them, they never talk to her again and keep crawling back to me. That’s
how I know who her real friends are. In a way, I’m helping her, and I’m
also getting laid.
Once the water bottle is empty, I crush it and Carter sends me a
tight lipped smile. I automatically send her back one of my own. I don’t
know why, but she’s piqued my interest in her. She’s so different. Hot, but
different.
“Come on, I’ll walk you girls home.” Hearing Maya groan beside
me, I take her hands off me. TJ steps forward.
“I can take them, Nick. It’s cool. You look . . . busy.” I grind my
teeth at TJ. I know he’s just teasing me, but he’s teasing me in front of these
girls. He takes my hand to give the bro handshake.
 I know he won’t try anything with them. He’s my best friend. I
trust him with my life. But I could kill him right now for saying that. Seeing
Carter already walking away, I can’t tear my eyes away from this enigma.
Maybe she isn’t interested?
Pfft, what girl isn’t interested in me?
Maybe she has a boyfriend? Hey, I’ve slept with girls who
cheated on their boyfriends. But if she does, she doesn’t seem like the type
to do that.
Who is this girl?

* * *

Carter
I step into the front door of the house and into the booming music.
I can feel the beat in my chest and drunk people crashing into me. I grab on
to my clutch for dear life.
Just try have fun Carter.
A drunk girl dragging a guy behind her walks right into me. I
apologize to her while she gives me a glare, although she’s the one who
walked into me. I look around to see if I can find Haley or Danielle.
Instead, I meet a pair of light green eyes on the corner on the couch. They
look like the trees you see in the forest. Hunter green.
He’s hot. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and ripped denim jeans that
hug his thighs. I can see the muscles in his arms nearly tear through the
material. The faint outline of his six pack is evident through his shirt. The
dirty blond hair is highlighted by the blue lighting above him, making him
look even hotter. Looking away from him and feeling myself blush, I avert
my eyes to the staircase in front of me, trying to find my roommates. Not
seeing the blonde or brown-haired girls that resemble them, I walk around
to another room, biting down on my lip keeping my head down.
“Hey, red dress!” I hear a voice beside me. I snap my eyes to see a
guy sitting with his legs spread open. I look behind me and look to the
blond man, meeting those green eyes again before I look at the guy who
called for a girl in a red dress. I point to myself to ask if it’s me he’s talking
to?
 Bobbing his head up and down, he says, “Yeah, you, come here.
You look a little lost? Wanna come sit here?” He pats his knee, indicating I
should sit on his lap.
Not happening. Ever. Creep.
Feeling my eyes widen, I shake my head slowly to decline and not
try to hurt his feelings. “Um, n-no thank you. I’m just trying to find my
friends?” I wave my hand around and start to move away from him, but I
see him rise up to his feet.
“Let me help you? I know my way around.” He sends me a smile.
Maybe this guy isn’t that bad. I was about to thank him and agree for him to
help me but I hear a deep husky voice perk up, making my eyes fall back on
to his. “Leave her alone, Ryan.” I watch his eyes trail my body and he
stands up to his full height. Towering over me.
Wow.
I let my eyes wander around his body but another voice grabs my
attention. “Look who I found.”
I look up to meet his eyes focus on someone else when he speaks
again, “Haley? What the fuck are you doing here?” Hearing the anger in his
voice, I realize he said Haley. I whip my head around to see her standing
there with a gorgeous guy. Long black hair in a white shirt and black jeans.
His arms slinked around her shoulders in a possessive manner.
Seeing Haley standing there, she squeaks out, “Carter! Thank
God! I couldn’t find you! I thought you went back to the dorm. I was going
to call you but I didn’t have your number! I’ve been looking for you
everywhere.” Slipping away from the guy’s arm, she makes a beeline for
me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and hugging me. I’ve never
had a friend like her. It feels good to know someone actually likes me for
me. I smile to myself and feel happy I met her. I’m glad she’s my
roommate, she’s so caring.
“I just came in now. I was going to come find you guys and this
guy was going to help me.” I point to the guy, who I know now is Ryan,
standing there with a beer in his hand smiling down at me. It was nice of
him to offer to help me find Haley and Danielle. He’s large, with broad
shoulders, much like the other guys who are surrounding us tonight.
“How do you two know each other?” Hearing his smooth voice
knocks me back to reality. His voice is low and inviting—sexy even.
 “Carter, this is my brother, Nick. Nick, this is Carter, my new
roommate,” Haley introduces us with her arms still around me.
Brother? Wow, alright then. Her brother is hot. Like, Calvin Klein
model hot. But he probably gets that a lot of the time.
He whips his head around and mumbles something to himself but
I couldn’t catch it. Seeing his back muscles move hypnotizes me. He’s so
toned. God, he’s so good looking.
He shifts the bottle to his other hand and holds it open for me to
shake as he steps a little closer to me. I do unknowingly and shake it. His
cold skin meets my warm one. His hand is rough and worn but it feels good
—too good.
“Hi, nice to meet you, Carter,” he says, staring into my eyes. The
way he says my name causes an unfamiliar feeling inside me. His bright
green eyes glint in the moving lights, and I can’t hear the music anymore. I
stare at him and snap myself back to reality.
“Nice to meet you too, Nick,” I mumble shyly, averting my eyes
around the room and taking a step back from him. I’m a little intimidated by
him. I see a lot of girls staring at him in the room, and I can’t help but feel
so out of my depth. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be talking to him by the
looks of things. He’s one of those guys that gets every girls attention when
he enters a room, and I’m one of those girls who sits in the corner by
herself, going unnoticed.
“That’s TJ, Nick’s best friend. All of these guys play football for
this college—” Haley points to the guy whose arm was around her earlier
and then to the rest of the guys.
“Football?” I interrupt her in surprise. Oh God, not again. I can’t
be here. I shouldn’t be here. I look around to each of the guys standing
around us while Haley nods her head skeptically at me. Time to leave. I
need to get out of here before someone recognizes me and won’t leave me
alone about my family, trying to befriend me to get to my dad so they have
a shot in the NFL. Especially college football players.
I begin to feel nervous. I back out and walk away from the group.
Meandering through the crowd, I make my way up the stairs to try find a
bathroom but I notice all the doors are locked.
Dammit.
 I begrudgingly make my way back down with guys trying to feel
me up along the way.
Air, I need air.
I see double doors and make my way towards them, passing by
the kitchen.
I shut the door behind me and walk out into the patio with a range
of tables and chairs, inhaling and exhaling at a rapid rate to relax myself.
“They’re all football players? All of them? I should’ve known!” I pace back
and forth on the tiles, hearing my heels click on every step.
Clearly, it’s not going well for me. I decided to go back inside and
find Haley or Danielle. Opening up the door, I whisper to myself, “Okay,
come on, Carter. You can do this! It’ll be fine.” I smile to try to convince
myself of that and to rid my discomfort. It’s not working so well.
I take another deep and slow breath in and I turn my head to see
him again. With a girl standing in front of him. Should’ve known he’d have
a girlfriend.
What, no! Carter! He’s you’re roommate’s brother! It’ll be
awkward.
Seeing each other, I back away from him again and make a run for
the door, only for me to run into someone and spilling their drink over
them. “I’m so sorry!” I apologize to him.
He looks down at his shirt and then up to me changing his
expression almost immediately. “Uh, it’s cool . . . Would you mind helping
me clean this up?” he asks me with a small smile on his face.
I nod rapidly and tell him, “Lets go to the kitchen. I’ll clean you
up—”
He shakes his head to me and interjects, “Upstairs is nearer, lets
go there.” He grabs my hand and pulls me up the steps, leading me back
through people heavily making out and grinding on each other. He swiftly
opens up a door that leads to a bedroom and I walk towards another door to
open it to see if it’s the bathroom.
What the—?
I thought the doors were locked? Feeling his hand wrap around
my wrist, he pulls me closer to him, sliding his shirt off his back.
He’s ripped, but something doesn’t feel right. Stepping closer to
me he pulls my hair back making my head go back. He takes my waist and
trails his tongue up my neck, kissing it. I try to push him off and I hear
banging on the door. He snaps his head and yells “We’re busy in here!”
before turning back to me to carry on. “You’re so sexy in this dress!” he
says seductively but I’m frozen in place.
I don’t know what to do. How do I get out of this? I don’t want to
be here anymore. I feel so uncomfortable and out of my depth. The banging
starts again, except harder. It’s so hard, the door starts to vibrate.
“I said were busy in here!” he yells, louder and angrier. But the
banging keeps going, and the guy storms over to the door, unlocking it and
swinging in open wide to see TJ and Haley behind him. “What the fuck do
you want?” The guy gets in TJ’s face but TJ pushes past him and grabs my
arm gently, pulling me out of the room. “Dude! She was fine! TJ, don’t
cock block me!” the warning in his tone makes TJ spin around but allows
me to walk over to Haley.
Walking back up to the guy, he gets in his face and tells him in a
warning tone, “Touch her again, I’ll fuck you up, and so will Nick. You’ve
been warned!” We walk outside and wait for TJ to come back with a bottle
of water for me. I’m so scared right now, all I want to do is go home. I don’t
want to be here anymore. I want to curl up in my sheets and just sleep for
the night.
“Haley! Where are you going?” Hearing his voice again heightens
my nerves. I see his girlfriend by his side but he steps a little out of her
touch. That’s a little unusual to do to your girlfriend, I wonder to myself.
“We’re going back to our dorm. Carter got grabbed and was taken
upstairs but TJ rescued her. So, we’re going home.” My eyes dart around in
the open air and my hands take hold of my arms, stroking them and keeping
people away from me. I make eye contact with his gaze, feeling the wetness
in my eyes and averting them down to my feet. I just need to leave as I
shuffle my feet around. This is why I don’t come to these things. I ruin
everyone’s night, as well as my own.
“Haley? Look who grew up! I love your dress!” I hear another
female voice speak up to complimentHaley, but she ignores her by the looks
of it and doesn’t respond. His girlfriend is so pretty, no wonder he’s with
her. The dress she’s wearing hugs every inch of her body perfectly, and her
brown eyes focus on Haley. Her blonde hair being swept up by the cool
wind makes her look like a Victoria’s Secret Model about to hit the runway.
Her smile is beaming towards my roommate, who brushes her off and stares
at her brother with a pointed look. “Babe, lets go. Before I get tired . . .”
Nick rolls his eyes and asks his sister, “Do you need me to walk
you girls back to your dorm?” I take a step away from him. I don’t need to
be babysat and I don’t need another guy feeling me up. I can’t have him
near me, he’ll find out about my family and only befriend me because of
that. I need to stay away him, from them all. I can’t be used again.
“No, it’s cool. TJ said he’d walk us back to our dorm—” I rest my
hand on Haley’s shoulder and say lowly. I actually borderline whisper it.
“You guys can stay here, I can walk myself home.” Then Haley
turns herself to face me as I stand a short distance behind her. I just need to
go home, go to bed, and just cuddle up to myself.
His girlfriend whispers something in his ear for him to turn
around and angrily say, “Give me a fucking minute to talk to my sister, will
you?” I could see she was bothering him. Maybe they had a fight? Why am
I even thinking about this? A guy like that will never like a girl like me.
He’s taken and would never see me like that. I can admire him from, afar I
suppose. Or not at all, my subconscious tells me.
“After what just happened to you? No way. We’re not leaving you
to walk home by yourself, Carter.” I see TJ jog out of the house with some
water in his hands over Haley’s shoulder. He starts to hand it over to me
before Nick snatches it out of his hand. Turning it upside down, he squeezes
the bottle and studies the cap.
What is he doing?
Then he opens the bottle and proceeds to pour it on the grass.
What is he doing? Wasting good water.
“It was open, that means it’s been spiked. Next time, TJ, check
before giving any of them water, or any drink for that matter.” I stare
mindlessly at the water splashing the grass. I look up, dumbfounded at him
and meeting his piercing stare again for the umpteenth time tonight. I feel a
small surge ignite in my body.
His eyes study me hard for a short time, like he’s thinking of
something. I don’t know. I haven’t known him long enough to know what is
going on in his mind. Do I want to know what he’s thinking? Is he judging
me on what happened tonight? Does he think I’m easy because I left with
that guy? Does he think I’m a slut? Does he think I’m a drama queen
because I needed TJ’s help? I will never know.
Once the water is gone from the bottle, he crushes it in his bare
hands, twisting the body of the plastic around. I send him a thankful smile,
but I know it was an awkward looking smile. Much to my surprise, he sends
me one back.
“Come on, I’ll walk you girls home.” I hear the girl beside him
groan out loud, like were bothering her, but he removes her hands from him
while his best friend steps forward.
“I can take them, Nick. It’s cool. You look . . . busy.” The look he
sends to his best friend is like he’ll be up for murder, but his friend just
smiles. He takes TJ’s hands to give him a handshake with a secret message.
I decide to walk away, leaving the party behind me. I hear the click of heels.
I know it’s Haley and Danielle close behind, but she’s struggling to walk in
them.
TJ walks beside Haley, keeping close to her. Seeing their hands
brush off one another’s arm from the corner of my eye. I smile to myself. I
wonder how long they’ve kept their feelings for each other from Nick? It’s
obvious they both like each other.
“Are you okay, Carter?” TJ asks me on the walk back. I simply
nod my head but don’t say anything for a while.
I speak up minutes later in the dead of the night. “This is why I
don’t go to parties. I get into stupid situations and ruin everyones else’s
night . . .” I mumble quietly.
“Hey, you didn’t ruin my night. I’m glad I get to walk you all
home. So, I know you’re safe.” I feel TJ’s large hand rest heavily on my
shoulder, weighing it down. I know he’s looking at Haley when he said he
wanted us to be safe.
He’s sweet. But it’ll all change when they find out my last name.
It always does.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THREE
You a Steel Fan?

Carter
We all crash on the same bed, mine, because it was the only one
that was made yesterday. I don’t mind. I like sleeping with other people.
Although I wanted to sleep alone, I felt better when they stayed with me.
I listen to their light breathing around me. Danielle resting on her
side with her arm draped over my chest. That’s why I found it hard to
breath in my sleep. I need to keep an eye on that. Haley is facing Danielle’s
back. Danielle begged to be in the middle.
I know I’ve only known them for barely a day, but I’ve a good
feeling about these two girls. Something I’ve never felt with people I’ve
met initially. I’m always wary about them finding out who I am or what my
last name is. But I’ve got a feeling these two might not care all that much?
Well, I’m hoping they don’t.
I kept thinking about what happened earlier when we came home
while lying in bed and staring at the blank white ceiling, allowing a movie
to be played in my head of the events playback. I wake up and do the same
thing like I did last night.
All I can think about is Haley’s brother. Nick. Nick Jackson.
Those green eyes. That blond, windswept hair. The tanned skin. When his
skin touched mine. He was so gorgeous. But he has a girlfriend. An
absolutely gorgeous girlfriend.
I need to step back from him. For two reasons: one, he plays
football and will use me like the rest. Two, he’s my roommate’s brother.
And I’ll throw in the third reason too. He would never think of me like that.
He’s too hot to like someone like me. I’m so weird and awkward and—
A knock at the door stops my train of thought. I perk up and hear
it again. I slowly climb out of my bed and feel the coldness on my feet as I
walk towards the door separating me and the person outside. I peek through
the peep hole and see it’s Nick and TJ. They knock once more, making me
jump and squeal a little. They definitely heard me. I have to answer now.
But I’m in my brother’s jersey with Steel written on the back of it and his
number on the front; Austin’s number.
“Shit!” I whisper but there’s no time to change out of it. I wrap
my hand around the knob and open it up to see both of them lift their heads
to look at me. Nick is wearing a baseball cap, and TJ is in a hoody. Both are
in jeans and a white shirt. I don’t say anything but just stare at them. It’s
hard not to. They’re both so good looking.
Seeing Nick smile at me, it knocks the wind out of me. He knows
it too. “Hi.” He stands up and uncrosses his arms that were over his chest.
“Hi,” I reply shyly and swing the door open for them to come
inside. They walk through the door and watch me step aside. I feel
embarrassed under their gaze as I close the door. “Haley’s, um, still sleeping
in there . . . I can wake her up if you’d like?” I ask lowly, not making eye
contact with either of them.
“I thought that was her room?” TJ asks out loud. I raise my head
to see him pointing to the room she chose.
“It is . . . but we all just slept in my bed. It was the only one that
was made . . .” I fidget with my long sleeves on the jersey. Then I realize
I’m only in panties underneath this jersey. No bra, nothing. Double shit! I
mentally groan at myself at how stupid I’m being. I probably look so
disgusting right now, and I’ve got two of the hottest guys I’ve ever known
standing right in front of me.
“You all slept together?” TJ repeats my words in a higher voice
than he originally had. My eyes snap up to his to see the cheeky glint in his
eyes.
“Not like that! We just fell asleep . . . I don’t . . . I’m not into girls
. . .” I stutter out loud, making their smiles grow bigger, allowing my head
to shake fanning my hair out. They’re playing with me, aren’t they?
“He’s just messing with you,” Nick interrupts my rant and steps a
little closer to me. His hand is slightly raised, making me watch it coming
closer to me. “Good to know you’re not into girls,” he whispers seriously
when TJ walks over to the kitchen, laughing lowly. I feel my cheeks heat
up, and I walk back towards my room. I just don’t know what to do when
I’m around them. I act like such a school girl meeting their celebrity crush.
I mentally cringe at the thought.
“You a Steel fan?” his husky voice asks me. I turn around and
send him a tight smile before walking into my room.
Don’t give him anything. Walk away from him. I get too nervous
when he’s around.
I poke Haley to try wake her and she doesn’t move. “Haley?!” I
whisper to her so I don’t wake Danielle. She still doesn’t move a muscle. I
repeat her name. I’ve gotten nowhere for the last five minutes. I sigh and
debate whether I should stay in here or go back out to them. I change into a
top and yoga pants, tying my hair up into a bun. With a bra on this time.
I walk back out to see them sitting at our table drinking water.
Both turn their heads to face me. I send them a small smile and switch on
the TV to ESPN to watch the statistics of the players. Mainly my brothers’.
“Football fan?” TJ asks me while watching my reaction.
I smile with a weak nod and ask them, “Do you want any
breakfast? I’m going to cook myself some . . .” Not facing them, I reach the
handle of the refrigerator and bend down to take out the food my mom
ordered for delivery yesterday. The fridge is completely stocked with food.
“Sure,” they simultaneously say. I spin around to see both of them
watching me. I then hear the commentary on the TV in the background.
“Will the Chargers and the Giants meet each other for the third
time in the Super Bowl this year? Steel brothers versus their father’s team!
That’s a tough decision to make in the Steel household!” the reporter jokes.
I laugh, shaking my head at how true it is. It’s a nightmare picking a side.
“Chargers will definitely win this year! Their team has no injuries
so far, but the Giants have two players injured,” TJ voices his opinion while
I hear Nick agreeing behind me. I stay silent, listening to the two guys chat
about football. I don’t want voice any opinion about it. I don’t need them
getting suspicious.
“You ever been to a college football game, Carter?” I freeze at the
mention of my name leaving his mouth. I turn around to face Nick and nod.
Twirling back to cracking some eggs, I place bread in the toaster and open
the packet of bacon. Don’t ask me anymore about football, please.
“Haley goes to all our games. You should come too?” TJ asks me.
 I turn around to face them again and say, “Oh no, it’s fine. I’m
sure you have a lot of girls supporting you already. But thanks!” I try reject
nonchalantly. Why did I say that? I sound so jealous! Way to go Carter!
“I think you’ll be dragged along, anyway. Haley doesn’t like to go
to anything alone. Either you or your other roommate will be going.” TJ’s
voice echoes through the kitchen. He’s right. Haley will make me go
anyway if Danielle won’t go.
“I’ll go with her to keep her company,” I say while whisking the
eggs up in a bowl for us. I allow the bacon to crisp a little.
“If you go, you have to wear a jersey though . . .” Where is TJ
going with this? I don’t like the tone in his voice. It’s putting me a little on
edge.
“I have jerseys I can wear,” I say back to the pan as the rings heat
up gradually.
“A players jersey?” I turn my head over my shoulder to see them
both staring at each other. Seriously, I don’t know where he’s going with
this.
“I don’t think it’s mandatory?” Seeing Nick’s head snap over to
me, he averts his eyes quickly by looking over to the TV. This turned so
awkward so quickly. Just get in and out Carter. You’re making this
awkward for yourself.
After making them breakfast, I place it on the table and scoop
mine up, then see my door open and two bodies walk through the wooden
frame, yawning.
“Ahhh, so you ladies are alive!” TJ comments to my two
roommates. I hear Haley mumble a “Shut up” in their direction. I lean over
the table and fill my plate with what I’m hungry for and leave to go back
into my room. I kept catching Nick’s eyes, so I decided to leave and call my
mom.
Why am I so awkward with people? Especially guys. I have zero
experience in dealing with them. My brothers kept them away from me my
whole life, hence my weirdness. I shouldn’t be let out in public. I’m that
awkward.
I hear Haley scream at her brother and a few footsteps rapidly
running around the dorm room. I laugh to myself while alone in my room.
My brothers and I used to do that together. They used to chase me around
and play with me when I was younger. They do nothing but tease me now.
What are brothers for right? They’re always in your business; always on
your case; always want to know where you are, what you’re doing and who
you’re with. That can be the annoying thing about them—their
protectiveness.
“Hi, honey!” I hear my moms voice through the phone making me
miss her even more.
“Hi, Mom.” I put her on loud speaker.

* * *

Nick
“What time is your first class tomorrow?” TJ asks, snapping me
out of the daydream I was in. I’ve been just staring at the TV screen for the
last hour, completely lost in my thoughts. Mainly picturing Carter in that
jersey she was in this morning. Those legs. Her bedhead. No bra. She
looked so effortlessly sexy that I had to picture TJ in a bikini to turn me off.
“Ten. You?” Turning my head, I sneak a glance at Carter’s door.
No movement, and she’s been in there for over an hour. What is she doing
in there?
“Eleven. What time do you have lunch at?” He keeps the
conversation going while keeping his eyes on the flat screen, so I get to
look at her door until he notices. Hopefully he doesn’t. God, I sound like a
creep.
“One. You?” I ask him back again. Seeing a grin on his face, I
know he has it at the same time as me. “One until three.” I smile back at
him.
“Same! See you at the usual spot?” He nods his head, focusing
back on the flat screen.
“I’ve lunch then, too, but only until two. If Carter and Danielle
don’t have it at that time, can I come hang out with you guys until I find
someone to eat lunch with?” Haley begs beside me. Her puppy dog eyes
usually work on me, but TJ is the one who gives in to her.
“Sure, Haley.”.
 I smirk at him. “Pussy!” I tease, making Haley slap me on my
shoulder. I laugh hard at her. Her expression is too funny. It’s a mixture of
disgust and confusion.
“Speaking of, how was your fuck buddy?” I stop laughing
immediately and snap my head around to face my best friend, who cannot
keep his mouth shut. He always knows how to ruin the moment.
“Ew. TJ, not what I want to hear!” Haley groans, covering her
ears. Just as I was about to answer, Carter’s door opens. I see her in her
yoga pants and a low cut top. When she bent over earlier to grab breakfast, I
got an eyeful down there. Lets just say it was exactly how I imagined it. Her
pants cups her perfect ass, making me want to grab her and lock her inside
the room with me and let her ride me.
My eyes follow her to the kitchen and see her bend over, giving
me another eyeful. I mentally groan at why she keeps doing this to me.
“Hey, Carter! Why don’t you come sit with us?” TJ asks. Come sit
on my lap.
Or come sit on my face, is what I want to say, but I restrain
myself. This girl is too hot for her own good.
She slows down her walk but starts to rub her arm up and down.
“No, it’s alright. I don’t want to bother you guys. I’ll just stay in here.” She
points to her room. Is she uncomfortable with us being here? I don’t want to
make her feel like that in her own dorm.
“You won’t be bothering us. It’s cool!” TJ is oblivious to the fact
she’s not comfortable with something. I try to read her but it’s so hard to. I
can see she isn’t confident, but it adds to her appeal. She’s modest—she
doesn’t realize how gorgeous she is. I saw all the guys checking her out
when she walked past them last night in that red dress.
She’s unsure of what to do. Her eyes go back and forth between
us and her room. “There’s no room, I’ll just stay in here. Thanks.” She
practically runs back inside, leaving the door slightly open.
“I don’t think she’s used to guys. I think she’s used to her own
company. We all talked last night before we crashed.” Haley’s bites into her
toast, allowing the crumbs to fall on her top.
They talked? About what?
“Yeah, she’s super shy! But she’s really nice. And oblivious to
how gorgeous she is! I mean, did you see all those guys checking her out
last night? They were practically picking their jaws up off the floor.”
Danielle smirks at the TV as she remembers what happened last night.
When she says that, I feel a slight burn in my stomach. A sudden urge to
protect her.
I shake it off and focus my attention back on the screen. Watching
a stupid reality show the girls just had to watch.
I can’t stop thinking about her in that red dress last night. Her
sexy body in the red dress. The way her hips swayed as she walked. She
had everyone’s attention the moment she set foot in that house, mine
included—mine in particular.
Oh no!
No! No!
Stop that!
Think about Maya. You, fucking Maya. You went home with her
and fucked her good. Hard . . . Maya, Maya, Maya.
“You alright, man?” TJ’s voice tears me out of my thoughts. I
swipe my head around to face his worried expression. I nod my head and
stand up to go to the bathroom.
“Restroom?” I ask Haley and she points to the door next to
Carter’s room. I open the door and let myself in. Locking it, I rest my head
back against the door and take a deep breath. I walk over to the sink where
there is a mirror. Staring at myself, I run my hands through my hair.
“Come on, Nick. Stop acting like a pussy and get your shit
together.” I need to fuck Maya again. Then I hear a soft voice through the
wall. Her voice. She’s talking to someone. I can’t hear what she’s saying,
but I can hear her voice.
“Fuck!” I take out my phone and dial a number I know will
answer me.
“Babe?” Maya answers almost immediately.
“I’m coming over. I’ll be there in ten,” I tell her over the phone,
making her laugh a little.
“So you miss me, Nick?” she teases me. The only thing I miss is
my dick inside her. After her, I’ll call someone else.
“I need to get laid, Maya.” Hanging up on her, I burst open the
door to see Carter standing in front of it. Shit, did she hear me? Her arms
are folded over her chest and her hands are sliding up and down her arms
for comfort. She’s staring at me with those big blue eyes of hers. She
quickly looks away, looking inside the bathroom behind me and biting the
inside of her cheek. I step to the side to allow her in but she stands there
looking at me.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask her and her eyes swipe to mine.
“Uh, yeah. Thank you.” Her words fumble out of her mouth.
Watching her lips part, I want nothing more than to take her right now. I
guess that saying is true. We want what we can’t have.
She walks by me, and I smell light scent of vanilla from her; it
surrounds me.
That’s it. I need to go and fuck someone. Now.
Walking away without looking back at her, I walk towards the
sofa and slap TJ’s shoulder. Gaining his attention, I mumble to him, “I’m
leaving. I’ll text you later?” Grabbing my hoody, I sneak a peek at her,
watching her place a towel on the side. She starts to lift her top up, and I
can’t peel my eyes away from her luscious body.
“Maya?” Her head snaps around to TJ, and I focus my eyes back
on him too. Letting go of her top, I see her hide behind the door out of the
corner of my eye. I nod and leave out the door without a goodbye. I look
down at my pants and see that I’m rock hard.
“Fuck,” I groan. I slip my hoody over my body and head towards
the elevator. The quicker I can get into my car, the quicker I can hide my
boner. Jogging past a foyer of people, I cover my face with my hat and run
out through the windy weather and slide into my car. Driving to Maya’s
sorority house, I need to sneak in; like always.
I climb up the side of the house where I know her window is and
slip in the window. I see her and Alice lying on her bed.
“You need to leave. Like, now,” I order Alice, making her pick
her study books up and run out the door. Maya quickly stands up, and I take
hold of her waist, pushing her back on the bed.
“Nick . . .” she moans breathlessly. I rip her top off, exposing her
big breasts in my face. She rarely wears bras because she likes the attention
she gets from guys. I pick her back up off the bed and she wraps her legs
around me. Kissing her hard on the mouth, I bring my lips over to her neck.
“Nick, babe, what’s gotten . . . into you? You’re so rough today . .
. I like it!” she squeals while I walk us over to the door to lock it. I shush
her to stop her from saying anything further. I don’t need her to talk. I just
want to fuck her. Hard.
I throw her back on her bed, making her squeal as I stand over
her, watching her seductively look up into my eyes. “Touch yourself,” I
command her, and she begins to squeeze her breasts while I watch her. She
bites down on her lip; looks like she’s trying too hard. Then her legs spread
open wide for me to look. A wet, juicy pussy is waiting for me. She slips
her thong off and kicks it over to me. I catch it and throw it on the floor.
Flipping her over, I take a condom from her drawer full of them
and unzip myself. My hardness springs free and I slip the condom down my
long length. Bending her over and bringing her ass in the air, I slip inside
her deep.
“Oh, Nick! Baby! You’re so big!” she moans over her shoulder. I
thrust inside her deep every time, trying to get my thoughts under control.
It’s not going so well for me.
I keep pumping in her, making her scream in pleasure. She’s too
loud so I pull her hair back, silencing her as much as I can. I can feel her
walls tightening around me, ready to squirt her juices on me. She’s a
squirter.
“Shit! Nick, I’m cumming, baby! Don’t stop!” she begs me as I’m
about the erupt inside of her. Picking up my pace, I slam faster and deeper
into her trying to reach my peak quicker so I can get the fuck out of here.
She loses control of her body as it begins to shudder on me.
“Fuuuck,” I moan, throwing my head back looking heavenwards.
“Oh yes! Yes! Yes! Nick! Ooohhh!” she screams right after me
and I slow down my pace to allow her pleasure to last longer.
She’s on her hands and knees with her head bent low, trying to get
her breath back while I slip out of her and discard the condom in her trash
can, pulling up my pants and adjusting myself. That was a good release but
I regret coming over. I shouldn’t have come over. I have that same feeling I
felt last night when I finished with her too. A feeling I’ve never had before.
Fixing my pants, I walk back over to the window I came in from and feel
her grab my arm.
“That’s it?” she asks me with a deep frown on her face. But I wear
a puzzled expression. What more did she want?
 “Yeah? I told you I came here for one thing, Maya. I got it, so I’m
leaving.” I place a foot on the frame of the window readying to climb
myself back down the side of the house.
“Nick! I want to talk!” she whines in my ear. I sigh and stand back
inside her room.
“About . . . ?” I trail off, subliminally telling her I don’t have time
for this. I want to go back and either find another girl or do it myself. I’m
not sure what I’m feeling.
“About us, Nick. I think we need to talk . . .” She gives me her
pleading eyes that used to work on me, but not anymore.
“Maya, we’re not going on a date. I’ve told you this. I don’t do
dates . . .” She huffs and rolls her eyes at me. I rest my back against her wall
and look hard at her. I’m preparing for the fight that’s about to erupt
between us. This always happens when she bring this shit up.
“You’re so annoying, you know that? Is it so bad to want to be in
a relationship with you, Nick? To be the only girl you can have? You’re the
only guy I want! We had something good going in high school. Why can’t
we go back to that? I miss that, baby.” She climbs closer to me but I step
out of her way before she gets too close.
“Maya, we didn’t have anything in high school. You slept with
half of the school. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s too much drama. I need to
stay focused on football. End of discussion.” I hoist myself back onto the
window ledge and place a foot on a vine, allowing me to climb down the
side. I hear her curse my name over and over out the window. As soon as I
get down, I salute her and jog back to my truck.
Once I’m back in my truck, my mind automatically goes back to
her—to Carter. I lean my head back against the headrest and yell loudly in
my car. I know I look strange doing it, but she’s in my head constantly.
What is it about her?
Feeling my phone buzzing in my pocket, it’s a group message
from the coaching staff about the gala we all have to go to. This year will be
a good one, the Steel family will be hosting it. Random, but cool. Maybe I
could bring Carter because she’s a fan?
No!
No, Nick!
 I’ll get to meet the most influential family in the NFL. I know the
family is linked with this college. The gala is taking place in the convention
center in two weeks. They’re probably expecting us to wear suits and ties.
Who doesn’t love a guy in a suit and tie? Not only that, a college football
player in a suit and tie. It’ll be my third year attending one. They usually
have NFL legends who went to Ole Miss for college football hosting it.
This year will be good. Meeting current NFL players who went to
this college also along with a coach. But not just any coach. Roger Steel,
the New York Giants coach. The number one coach in the game. No wonder
why his two sons are football players, two of the best out there too.
Sitting aimlessly in my truck, I tap the wheel with my
fingers.After a few minutes, I start up my truck, leaving the college estate.
Watching the traffic build up, I decide to head back to the house, half
listening to the radio and half thinking of where I’m driving to. I decided to
go the long way back to keep my mind preoccupied.
Arriving back to the house an hour after leaving Maya’s, I see
some cars parked up outside. Knowing some of the team are over, I walk up
the driveway and open the door with a push due to the stiffness of it. I walk
straight into the living room to see numerous bodies playing Xbox.
“Dude! Watch my ba- Averman! Watch my fucking back will
you?” I hear Reggie roar at Rob, one of the twins, as I come into view.
They’re playing COD. It gets pretty intense when we all play with each
other. Too intense for my liking, but there’s a betting ring on who will win
when we play. Usually, controllers go flying forcefully towards the same
wall. We made so many dents on the wall that we’ve mastered how to
plaster a wall and coat it with paint.
“Yo! How was Maya?” TJ teases me. I run my hands down my
face groaning aloud, feeling my nails scrape my skin as they move
downwards. “That bad?” He chuckles, sipping on a bottled water. I nod,
huffing out in frustration at what had happened between us. Although it was
a good release, I regret going.
“So the game is next week. Haley said she’ll come to support us
and Danielle said she would be coming too.” That means that Carter won’t
come. I clear my throat, stopping myself from thinking about her. Dammit,
why do I keep doing that? I nod my head and send him a tight lipped smile.
He knows me well enough, I can’t hide it from him.
 “Jackson! How was your night last night?” Ryan stops beside us,
wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. I know what he’s getting at.
“You banged red dress?” I glare at him but don’t reply. I reach for a cool
water bottle and sit up on the countertop in the kitchen area thats linked to
the living room. I feel the cold marble seeping through my jeans and into
my skin, cooling me down from the heat outside.
“I’ll take that as a no . . .” he trails off, stating the obvious and
tapping his fingers mindlessly across the counter. He’s testing my patience
right now. I can get any girl I want. I’m Nick fucking Jackson for god sake.
“Shut it, Ryan. Stay away from my sister and her friends. And her
name is Carter,” I unknowingly defend her against him. I don’t know why I
did that, I just felt the urge to stick up for her without it even registering in
my mind. Feeling eyes on me, I look down at my phone to see some
messages that I will ignore.
“I didn’t know it was a touchy subject.” He holds his hands up to
surrender, but I know he’s just doing this to annoy me. He’s been this way
since the first day I met him. “Well Carter is hot, and she’s not your sister,
dude. You have no leeway with her.”
“I have plenty of leeway with her. Stay the fuck away from her,” I
snap at him, but his smile becomes wider. I don’t care how I look to them,
he will not touch her.
“You like her, don’t you?” I narrow my eyes at him and shake my
head. His voice is beginning to annoy me.
“No, I don’t like her—I don’t like girls. I fuck them and move
on.” I gulp a mouthful of water. I immediately regret saying that, but it’s left
my mouth. I can’t take it back.
“So, you won’t mind if I take her out then?” he asks genuinely. He
actually likes her? What the hell?
Yes, I do mind, you dimwit.
Wait, what? No, no I don’t mind.
Wait? What is going on with me?
“Dude, she wouldn’t say yes to going out with you,” TJ intercepts
the conversation. Thank God, because I really didn’t know what to say to
Ryan. TJ swirls his water around the bottle, closing one eye to look inside
the plastic container. I don’t know what the hell he’s looking for? It’s a clear
plastic bottle with clear liquid inside of it.
 “Who wouldn’t want to go out with this?” Ryan points to himself.
He’s an even bigger idiot than I thought.
TJ starts to laugh at him. “Averman, leave her alone. Save
yourself the heartache.” He taps his shoulder. Ryan stares blankly at him,
like he cannot believe he just said that.
“What? She’d be good to have on my arm! She’d look good with
me.” He smiles over to TJ, who just shakes his head with a mouth full of
water. After he swallows it, I listen to what he’s going to say next.
“Good luck with that, Ryan. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Leaving us in the kitchen area, I study Ryan as he takes out his cell phone.
“You got her number?” he asks me, shaking his screen in my face.
The brightly lit screensaver of a naked girl with her legs spread open
occupies his screen. Carter will never go for him.
“No, and even if I did, I wouldn’t give it to you either,” I growl
out to him. He’s not her type; he never will be her type. Ryan’s a douchebag
to girls he gets with, although I’ve yet to see him actually take one on a
date.
“What’s her last name then? I’ll find her on Facebook and ask for
it.” I freeze at his question. I don’t know her last name. What is her last
name? I shrug at a waiting Ryan, who huffs out in annoyance at me. I smirk
into my bottle as I finished it off. He walks down the hallway, to his room,
and slams the door shut.
Nick 1 – Ryan 0.
“Too easy . . .” I smirk alone in the kitchen.
Walking down to my room, I nudge my shoulder against the wood
to push it open. Once inside, I pull my shirt off my back at go straight for
the shower. I need another one.
What a day today was.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FOUR
Damsel in Distress

Nick
I’m walking to my first class of the semester alone, listening to
my music. I swing the door open to the room I’m scheduled to attend the
lecture in and take my earphones out, looking around at the crowd walking
around, getting to their own classes. The air conditioner blasts my face hard
with cold air. I tuck my earphones inside my pocket and get a few greetings
from my teammates and girls I’ve never even met before. Or have I?
People’s sneakers squeak across the old tiled floor running from
one end to another. Some of the girls’ heels click on the floor, gaining guys
attention. I get the lust filled stares from them, with their welcoming eyes
trying to lure me in to them, with their low cut tops with bright bras peeping
out of them and short shorts or mini skirts leaving little to the imagination.
Some nerdy girls in jeans and a jumper were running around with blocky
folders in their hands, trying to get a seat in the front rows of their classes.
College gives you such a wide range of personalities and types.
Opening the door up for my class, I sit near the back rows. I see
Reggie already in a seat and keep walking to sit next to him. His head is
down, scrolling through his brightly lit phone. Hearing my approach, his
head snaps up to meet my face. Sending me a warm smile, he lifts his hand
for me to take so we can greet each other.
“Hey, man! I didn’t know you were in this class.” We both sit
down in our seats and I place my bag on the floor.
“Yeah! I didn’t think you were in this class either! Good to know I
know someone else here!” Reggie is smart, so we can study together for
this class when assignments and exams begin.
I’m not stupid by any means. My mom drilled studying into me
and Haley from a young age. My mom was a pharmacist, and she was smart
one too. She gave it up to look after us but did night courses and online
courses to get different degrees. She has loads of them, and always tells us
that we need a solid degree in whatever we choose to do. The rule was, we
had to get one.
“Yeah! Bro, we can be study buddies!” He laughs as he takes out
his notepad from his bag, and I do the same. I click my pen, readying
myself for the class as I see a ton of people walking through the doors. I
catch a few of them in the eyes as they walk in. Some sit close to me and
Reggie, but I pay no attention to them. Listening to Reggie scroll through
his Twitter feed, I stare at the board, hoping the lecturer will enter anytime
soon. Time is just ticking by slowly; this will be a long class.
“Is this seat taken?” My head turns to see a busty brunette
standing beside me, pointing down to the seat next to me. I shake my head
no, allowing her to sit down with her friends. I glance around at all of the
free seats in the lecture hall. Typical.
“I’m Amelia.” She holds out her hand for me to shake, and I do.
“I’m Nick.” I send her a polite smile and look at her eyes. She’s
hot, but I’m not interested. I clench my jaw at the realization that I thought
that.
You have a busty brunette practically sitting on your damn lap and
cozying up to you, and you’re not interested?
“It’s hot outside, right?” I shift my eyes back to her and see her
leaning on her elbow, giving me an eyeful of her goods.
I resist and turn to face the front once more. “Yeah, a little,” I tell
her, trying my best to keep my thoughts locked inside my brain.
“You play football for the college right? First string quarterback?”
she keeps the conversation going with me, but I’m praying for class to start
soon. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I barely got any sleep last night since
my mind was racing so much. I’m tired, cranky, and in dire need of coffee.
“Yup.” I pop my ‘p’ at the end and she stays silent for a few
moments, almost thinking of something else to talk about.
“So there’s a pool party at my sorority house this weekend, you
guys want to come?” she asks and it immediately catches Reggie’s
attention. Diverging his time between her and his phone, he smiles at her
with a nod.
 I reply with, “I already got the invite, but thanks.” She starts to
scribble down something on my notebook and once she’s finished, I see it’s
her number with a winky face and her name next to it. I send her a tight
smile and lean back on the uncomfortable wooden chair linked to the ones
either side of me. I feel the loose screws protruding through my clothing
and into my back. This building is old, but it’ll get renovated soon with hi-
tech equipment for ‘productive learning’ as the faculty like to call it.
“Alright class, we’re going to start now. Apologies for being late!
It won’t happen again. Although, if you’re so much as five minutes late for
my class, you can forget about coming altogether! You won’t be allowed
in.” Our professor starts the class off with warnings and the syllabus for the
semester, showing a breakdown of the assignments and the exams that will
help us pass.
He’s kind of scary for a guy who has an outrageous beer belly
spilling over his brown leather belt that isn’t doing its job. The blue collared
shirt shows small sweat stains underneath his arms, and it’s all paired with
brown slacks that are a little too long for him. Salt and pepper hair matches
with his moustache. This guy would almost scare you into joining a gym.
He’s one hamburger away from a heart attack.
If my mom heard my thoughts, she would smack me so hard.
Listening tentatively to the lecture, I scribble down some notes on
the page in front of me. Listening to him was proving difficult thanks to the
gossip queens sitting next to me. Next time, I’ll come in on time so the
people who are late won’t be allowed in and I can sit away from these girls.
I won’t be able to hear anything if I sit next to them.
They’re not so subtle when I can hear them calling me hot. I roll
my eyes at their words but continue to listen as much as I can. If I fail a
class, Coach will be on my back constantly reminding me people on
scholarships lose them if they fail a semester. Failing a semester means you
have to fail some classes, meaning you fail one class, you might fail
another. My mom also would kill me, so I need her off my back. I’m more
terrified of my mom beating me to a pulp than I am of Coach. I think he’d
agree too. He’s met mama Jackson before, and she wiped him on the floor
in a disagreement. She’s a force to be reckoned with.
I let my eyes wander around the room to look at the types of
people in this class. I find it amazing that people from different
backgrounds come to the same class as me. I’m not one for stereotyping,
but it’s interesting to know that me, a football player, would have something
in common with a goth girl or a nerdy guy who sits at the front of the class
with a million pens lined up for him. I know, I’m deep. Not really, but I find
it cool to see people who have different interests from me can wind up in
the same course as me, with the same investment as I have for it.
Looking at the clock above the door, I see his time is up and I’ve
to get to my next class in the same building. “Alrighty, so I will be handing
out your first assignment this Friday. It’s due for next Friday, so you have
exactly one week. I will be giving you another one every Friday due for the
following Friday. It’ll help you study for the exams and also give you some
percentage going into it to ease the pressure!” he yells at us just as we pack
all our stuff into our bags as we’re ready to leave.
“Call me, Nick!” Amelia bites on her lip as I stand up. I part ways
with Reggie and those annoying girls and jog down the hallway, trying to
take my phone out of my pocket. Taking my eyes off the floor in front of
me to see it’s caught in my pocket.
“Oomph.” I collide with a small body and I immediately react,
taking hold of them before they could fall. I look down to see her staring up
at me, her blue eyes almost cutting me in half through the thick black
rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of her nose. The strong pulse in her
eyes as they dilate. I hear my phone meeting the tiled floor but I don’t move
to pick it up. My arm is wrapped around her waist instinctively pulling her
closer to me. She feels so good with her body pressed against mine.
Carter.
“I-I, um, sorry! I wasn’t looking w-where I was going,” she
stutters out nervously, pushing her glasses up so the settle better on her face.
She’s so cute. Glasses look so cute on her.
No!
Stop that.
I shake my head and release her, feeling the coldness on my body
and arm. “No, it’s cool! It was my fault. I, um, I shouldn’t have been
rushing and not looking. Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you did I?” I realize
my embarrassment hits me square in the face. I sound like a girl. Feeling
my hand rubbing the back of my neck, I feel my body pumping adrenaline
through me.
 Her head starts to shake from side to side rapidly, making her hair
whisp around in the air. Smelling a hint of berry diffusing from her hair, I
instantly take in a breath to savour the smell.
God, I sound like such a creep.
“No, no. I’m so clumsy anyway. I’m pretty sure I walked into
you. I’m sorry . . . But I’ve got to get to my class . . .” She points behind me
and I snap myself out of my daze, turning my body around to see where
she’s pointing to. Once I do, I see Maya strutting up the hallway with her
friends like she’s on a mission. I whip myself back around hoping she
doesn’t see me. More like pleading.
“Oh, sorry, sure! I’ve got class this way.” I point behind her and
she sends me a tight smile, walking around me and I blurt out, “Carter?”
She turns back around on the heels of her Vans to face me. I can see Maya
in the distance staring at me but I focus back on Carter, taking her figure in.
Damn, she looks good today. All without even trying. “Haley, TJ, and I
have lunch at one if you’re free?” I bend down to pick up my phone off the
floor. I see her eyes widen at my phone as her shoes squeak, stepping closer
to examine what’s in my hand.
“Shit! Did I break your phone? I’m so sorry!” She awkwardly
looks down at it and I flip to see the screen with no scratches on it. Seeing
relief wash over her face, I smile at her making her eyes widen for a second.
She clears her throat.
I shake the phone nonchalantly. “No, it’s good. I dropped it while
I was trying to get it out of my pocket before I bumped into you.” She sends
me a genuine smile that knocks the wind right out of me. She starts to walk
towards the room I had just come out of and puts her hand on the handle.
“I’m not free at one today. Sorry! Another day?” She turns her
head towards me but her body’s facing the door. Opening it, she sends me
another tight smile like she did that night. I bob my head just as she walks
inside. I turn around to avoid Maya.
I race to my next class so I’m not late. I get there with two
minutes to spare, once again making my way to the back of the hall. I sit
down next to a group of my teammates and some of them sit next to me. No
annoying girls to sit next to me this class. Here I was, thinking I could
focus.
Nope.
 All I could think about was her—Carter. The blue-eyed nerdy girl
who owns the damsel in distress physique. Remembering her in her short
shorts and baggy baseball top with navy vans, she looked so effortlessly
striking.
I can’t shake the feeling of when I was holding her. I can still feel
her body on me, and I’m afraid of move in case that feeling subsides. She’s
the reason why I couldn’t sleep last night. The memory of her in that red
dress is engraved in my mind and I cannot get it out. I mentally curse at
myself for being so weak. What is it about her? She’s constantly on my
mind.
I need to stay focused. Especially for football. Maybe I need to
stay away from her until I can control these thoughts. I nod to myself and
start to try listen to the professor. I glance around the room and catch a
girl’s eyes. She’s wearing a purple top. She winks at me, and I send her a
polite smile, focusing back on the material being covered in class.
Stay focused, I keep chanting to myself.
What is up with the girls in this college? They’re getting so
desperate these days. Even though I’m used to the attention they give me, it
can be a lot some days.
Once the lecture is over, I throw up my hoody so nobody sees me
walk out of the room, but not before I take a quick glance through a slit of a
window in the door where Carter’s class is going on. Seeing her in the
second row, I groan out loud and force myself to walk away from the door,
continuing my way to my next class. Leave it alone, Nick. One more and
then lunch to meet with TJ.
Leaving my last boring lecture of the morning, I make my way
towards where TJ and I meet up for lunch and see my sister’s blonde hair
when I enter High Point Coffee shop just off campus. Feeling the cold air
hit me once more as well as the smell of fresh coffee beans wafting to my
nose. I relish the smell with a long drag of a breath. I see TJ sitting across
from her with food on the table. He knows my order. Whoever is here first
gets the food and the other pays them back. Saves us a lot of time.
Although, we do have two hours to kill.
“Hey.” I slip into the next seat in the booth beside TJ and
immediately start eating. I’m so hungry today.
 “What’s up, man! You look like shit.” I throw down my hood and
send him a deadpan look while I chew slower.
“Thanks, TJ, you always had a way with words,” I reply, the
sarcasm leaving my mouth heavily. I continue to eat the food and slip him a
ten dollar bill and thank him for buying me my food.
“How was your first lecture, sis?” Haley’s head snaps up with a
smile on her face. Who is she texting? She puts her phone down but I see
the group messages popping up on her screen, grabbing my attention.
“It was good. Boring, but good. I like the professor, and I made a
few new friends.” Her attention goes back to her phone and she starts to
giggle uncontrollably.
“What’s so funny?” I ask her, covering my mouth. My mom also
drilled table manners into my sister and I. If we were rude at the table, we
would get her heel up our asses. I’m also a mama’s boy. I love my mom and
I have major respect for her.
“Carter . . .” She laughs out loud, but it causes a surge to make its
way through my body. Just from hearing her name, I’m immediately
intrigued.
“What about her?” I push to get more about the girl who shares a
dorm with my sister. The hot girl who has taken my attention.
“You know, for such a quiet and shy girl, she’s probably one of
the funniest people I know!” She starts to laugh again as she reads the
screen. Well, that’s not much to go by.
“Am I not the funniest person you know?” TJ fakes being hurt by
her comment and her eyes snap up to roll her eyes at him.
“Not even close, TJ.” She sticks her tongue out, playfully smiling
at him.
He lets a fake gasp escape his mouth and puts his hand over his
heart and playfully says, “That cuts deep, Haley. But I know you secretly
love me anyway.” The way he teases her makes her roll her eyes once more
before turning them back down to the device in her hand. She’s glued to
that thing.
“How is she?” Haley’s face snaps up to meet my gaze with a
puzzled look written all over it. I know I saw her earlier today. I was going
to talk with her but she seemed to be in a rush to get to her next class.
“After Saturday night? You know . . . after that whole thing? Who was it, by
the way?” I ask trying to sound like I’m not too bothered by it. By the look
on her face she’s not buying it.
“Oh no you don’t, Nick! Stay away from her! You’re not ruining
another one of my friendships! Nick, I’m serious. I like her!” I can see the
panic set in her eyes.
“Relax, sis, I’m only checking to see if she’s alright. She just
looked a bit shaken the other night, that’s all.” I hope she buys it. Please
buy it. Please.
“Aaron Stevens,” TJ comments and I tense immediately. Out of
all the guys, I should’ve guessed it would’ve been him.
“Stevens? Are you shitting me?” I grit out, putting down my
burger that was being squished in my hands. I face TJ, who leans back with
his hands on the back of the booth. With just one nod, I feel the anger
bursting through my veins. That little asshole. When I see him, his face will
be stuck in the wall, and I will see him. Coach won’t be happy with the
outcome, but I most certainly will.
“Yeah, don’t worry. I handled it then and there. He won’t go near
her again.” Haley’s head nods with TJ. I’m glad he didn’t go near Haley,
but I most certainly am not happy about him going after Carter like that.
“What an asshole,” I mumble out while they just stare at me. I
don’t feel my anger go away. I kind of want to see Carter and ask her if
she’s alright, but I know Haley will annoy me about it. So I choose not to
do that. Maybe I’ll bring it up the next time I see her, subtly.
As the hour flew by, Haley was off back to her second to the last
lecture for the day. I waved her off along with TJ. I sigh to myself, sitting
back in the comfort of the booth that surrounded us. I decided to sit where
Haley was so I could sit across from my best friend.
“So . . . Carter, huh?” My eyes snap up to him. They widen a
fraction but I relax, telling myself he’s got nothing.
I shrug my shoulders. “I was just worried about her. She looked
upset that night and I was making sure she was okay—”
“When have you ever worried about a girl, Jackson?” He chuckles
at me. I know what he’s getting at. I need to get that seed planted in his
brain out before it grows any further.
“Look, I would’ve done the same if it was . . . Shit, what’s the
other girl’s name again?” I squint my eye, trying to badger my mind of her
name.
“Danielle,” he says while he tut-tuts at me.
“Right! Danielle! I would’ve done the same if it was her—”
“Would you?” Seeing his smirk on his face, he knows I wouldn’t
have done the same for her. I huff out a “Yes” to let him drop it, but he
doesn’t. This guys knows me like a brother. He knows my reactions,
expressions, and when I’m lying.
“Look, she’s hot, I get it. But you’re treading in dangerous water
with her being Haley’s roommate—”
“TJ, I don’t like her like that. I’m just looking out for her. She’s
shy, and apparently naïve, so I figured she needs someone to . . . help her.” I
choose my words very carefully with him. He would twist them into
something that’s not. Or worse, something that is.
Taking in a deep breath, he sinks further into the booth and says,
“If you say so. All I’m going to say is, to you, she’ll be just another girl.
But to her, you might not just be another guy. You following me?” I nod,
and he leaves it at that. I know what he’s saying.
She’s shy, and I would ruin her if I got with her, in more ways
than one. He’s right. I just fuck girls and leave. I don’t think she’s mentally
at that part in her life. Honestly, I don’t think she’ll ever get to that stage.
She’s young, but I can’t do that to her or my sister.
“Chin up man, there’s plenty of hot girls around the campus for
you to bang,” he reassures me.
“I wasn’t sulking, TJ.” That just makes him scoff. He’s right; I
was sulking a bit. Thinking of her; why I can’t have her; why I shouldn’t
want her so much. There’s something about that blue-eyed beauty that I
can’t put my finger on. She’s such a mystery, one that I want to figure out
so badly.
“You totally were, Nick,” he teases me. He stands up to order us
coffee and I sit back to wait for it to arrive. I look out the window at the
surrounding people passing by me, and I start to feel myself comparing the
girls walking by to her. The differences that are evidently there because it’s
not her. The ones who see me looking at them try to act differently to keep
my attention, something that Carter does the opposite of. She’s the girl who
completely runs away from me and acts so nervous around me. I’ve never
experienced a girl like that in all my years.
 “Shit!” I whisper to myself for sounding like such a girl. I run my
hands across my cheeks in frustration at why she’s doing this to me. Then, I
start to play with the packets of sugar in the pots on the table as I wait. One
sugar will do for me. I hadn’t noticed that TJ sat down until he cleared his
throat for the second time. My mind just started to wander. Again.
“You alright, man? Your coffee is going cold.” He pushes the
styrofoam cup in front of me. I groan out in frustration, making him laugh.
“I’m just tired today . . . I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I
mumble sipping the brown liquid occupying the cup. Thanks to Carter.
“Something on your mind? Or someone?” He starts to tease me
and I flip him the bird to show him I’m pissed. He starts to choke on his
drink and laughs, throwing his head back along the booth.
“Holy shit, dude! You actually do like her?” TJ can’t stop his
belly aching laugh. He does this a lot to emphasize that it’s hilarious. His
eyes tell me he can’t believe what he figured out. But do I like her? I don’t
like girls, I get with them and dispose them. I can’t like her. Can I?
“Shut the fuck up, TJ. I’m not in the mood today,” I grit out,
showing him I’m not messing around. When a girl interrupts my sleep
pattern, that’s when you know I’m in trouble. It’s never happened before, so
it’s scaring me a little.
“Well, get in the mood, because here she comes.” I sit up
straighter and whip my head around to see her and a guy entering the cafe
to get in line. I check the time to see it’s ten minutes to the hour. Either
she’s getting a quick coffee or is on her lunch. Who is this douchebag? He
looks like he’s part of a fucking boy band. He’s got clean cut blond hair and
is dressed like he’s about to break out into song for her. Jesus, is that what
she’s into?
“Yo, Carter!” I’m literally about to drown my best friend in the
pond for drawing attention to us. I turn to face an amused TJ waving over at
her. I don’t look to see if she’s waving back. I’m just glaring at him, the
traitor I call my best friend.
Hearing light footsteps nearing our table, I see her standing and
hovering over the two of us, without the guy from earlier. Holding a
notepad in her hands, she adjusts the strap from her handbag. Her hair is
tucked back, allowing me to see her face.
“Hey, TJ, Nick.”
 I immediately raise my eyes up to see hers as she smiles down to
the two of us. Her voice was so soft, I barely heard her over the chatter in
the cafe. We both respond, “Hey.” Catching those blue eyes, I grip my cup
with a little more strength than necessary.
“You want to join us?” TJ asks, breaking the small tension
between us. Watching her eyes fall over her shoulder to the guy now
making his way over to us. Who the fuck is he?
“Oh, no we’ve got class now. We just came to grab a quick coffee,
well hot chocolate for me. Rain check, maybe?” She takes her cup from him
and thanks him. I watch him very closely. Both me and TJ nod and watch
her leave. She waves at us and we wave back, with a tight smile on my face.
This girl.
Seeing him hold the door open for her and note that his eyes drop
down low as she walks out. Did he just check her out? What the fuck! I
stand to walk over to him but TJ grabs me back down and pushes me back
to the position I was sitting in. We watch them walking along the pathway
back to a building and I see his hand slide onto the small of her back.
I feel the burning sensation surround me. I’m going to kill that
guy by hanging him off the main building.. Lets see how many girls he
checks out then, little pervert.
“Dude, stop acting like a jealous ex!” He clicks his fingers in my
face to get my attention.
Well it worked, because I glare at him once again and state angrily
at him, “I’m not jealous! Jesus, he was perving on her and feeling her up!”
“Nick, you do way worse than what he just did. You need to
seriously chill out, man.” TJ had a point. I do way worse to girls than what
that guy just did to Carter. But it doesn’t give him the right to feel her up.
He’s not hers.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I lay my head back against the wooden frame of the booth,
hearing the squeak of the rubber while I move. “You’re right. I’m just a
little . . . protective of them . . . After what happened on Saturday, her face
is burned in my mind and I felt bad for her. I guess I just don’t want to see it
happen again . . .” I don’t know who I’m trying to convince, TJ or myself.
 I’ve never felt this way before about a girl. So over protective, it’s
out of character for me. It’s unfamiliar and scary. I don’t like it, but at the
same time, I do. Realizing that, I think I do like her. I mean she’s hot, but
this feels different. I feel different.
“Fuck!” I face my friend, who is staring at me like a deer in
headlights. “I gotta hit the gym, man. I’ll see you after my last class? You
finish at four, right?” I can see his head nod as he stares at me in a daze.
I see a smile creep onto his face, snapping himself out of his
stupor and focusing back to me. “Yeah, See you at four,” he replies.
Standing up, I throw my cup in the trash as I push the door open,
holding it for a couple of people.I’m so caught up in my own thoughts.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FIVE
What Type of Girl Am I?

Carter
“Carter honey, I’ve sent the dress I bought you. It should arrive
soon? Maybe in the next day or so?”
I furrow my brows, thinking why she sent me a dress down here.
Am I missing something? I stay silent and think about what she’s talking
about.
“You forgot, didn’t you?” she asks me, snapping me out of my
thoughts. I immediately started to feel guilty because I did forget whatever
it was.
“Forgot what?” I play it off like I know nothing. Maybe she forgot
to tell me? Lets hope she forgot to tell me?
“Carter . . . I told you about the gala for your college. It’s less than
two weeks away. Sweetie, we’re hosting the event. You have to attend. Your
brothers will be there too. Your father wants you all on stage with him when
he makes his speech.”
Shit! I completely forgot about that. I groan at how forgetful I am
and the fact I have to go to the stupid thing.
“I-I didn’t forget, I just didn’t remember it was so soon. I thought
it was later in the year?” I lie. I feel so bad for forgetting about it. Why do I
have to go? Oh yeah, my dad is the top football coach in the country who
went to this college. Cue the eye roll at myself.
“No, sweetheart, it’s next Friday at 6pm. Please don’t be late. You
know I will come get you and drag you to the event if you are! And I know
you forgot, honey.” She starts to joke with me. I laugh, but I know there is a
serious element to it. She will hunt me down and drag me to the event.
She’s done it before, she most certainly will do it again.
“I won’t be, mom. Don’t worry, I promise I’ll be on time. And
thanks for getting me a dress . . . What colour is it, by the way?” I start to
fold my clothes over and put them away in my dressers and wardrobe.
“It’s mint green, your colour. You want to look pretty for all those
college football players you’ll see that night.” I can practically see the smirk
on her face down the line. I roll my eyes at my mother pimping me out for
the guys who I’m sure won’t even look my way, even if I was naked.
I snort back at her and allow my wit to take over. “Mom, that will
never happen. I could be in my birthday suit dancing on them and they still
wouldn’t pay attention to me. I’m not that girl people notice. Trust me. It’s
more evident since I’ve been here . . .” Sorting my shirts by color, I pick
them up and place them in a drawer and repeat the process until I have
another pile.
“Honey, you’re more beautiful than you think but it doesn’t hurt
to dress up nice for the event . . .” I roll my eyes once more and sigh.
I bite the inside of my cheek before I speak to her, “You have to
say that. You’re my mom . . .”
She starts to laugh but stops soon after. I know she’s trying to
coax me into being excited about it but it won’t happen. She knows how I
feel about these things. I hate it. I’m usually set up with some rich guy or a
sleazy football player that’ll have his hands all over me just because of my
last name. They always want to make a good impression on my parents.
“Carter, you are beautiful. You’re the product of me and your fa
—”
“STOP! Mom, oh my God! Just stop . . . I don’t need to hear
that!” She’s starts laughing her angelic laugh that I’ve listened to growing
up. That laugh is what I miss.
I miss my family so much. They’re all too far away. I look around
my room and see the photos I’ve hung up on my walls. Lots of them with
me and my older brothers. It makes me feel like I’m at home or I’m with
them.
“Sorry, sweetie . . . but it’s true. Anywho, you better go to class
now! I’ll miss you. And message me when your dress arrives so I know it’s
with you!” Hearing her clap through my speaker, I know she’s in work
planning for another event.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll text you when it arrives. I got to go anyway.
Bye! I love you!” I send her a kiss down the line and she sends me two.
“I love you too, honey! Talk to you soon! Bye!” The line goes
dead and I see my screen go dark. I continue to fold my clothes to place
them in drawers or hang some up for the next half hour before my class.
I don’t get it finished, but I know if I don’t leave now I’ll be late.
If I’m late, the lecture doesn’t let you in. So I can’t afford to be late. I throw
my notebook inside my handbag and leave out the door with a slam.
“Woops!” I whisper to myself and walk down the stairs.

Haley: Did you want to slam the door any louder?

I smile at her message on my phone and start to giggle. I type

back a response.

Me: Sorry, must’ve been the wind. Or Casper the

unfriendly ghost . . .
Haley: �� xx

I continue on my way to my class and put in my earphones,

listening to my music to make me walk that little bit faster. I see the trees
wave from side to side as the pathway is occupied by some people walking
around the campus. I see some people sitting on the picnic benches outside,
talking with their friends. Some people were throwing frisbees around on
the grass while others lay down with their groups, laughing about
something I couldn’t hear and throwing blades of grass at one another. The
sharp smell of smoke is in the air in patches of small clouds.
Next thing I see a football flying my way and muffled screams.
Heads turn around to me but I catch it with ease. My dad and brothers used
to throw the ball at me to catch me off guard when I was growing up. I stare
at the group in shock, and they stare back at me, equally as shocked.
I shouldn’t have caught it.
I should’ve just let it hit me.
 Seeing Nick and TJ jog over to me, I see their lips moving, but all
I hear is Taylor Swift’s voice. I take the earphones out and hand them the
ball.
“Are you alright?” TJ stares at me. I nod and smile at him,
looking around at the attention I’ve received from the students that hadn’t
noticed me before but now do. Brushing off Nick’s touch, I retrieve my
hand immediately from the feeling I got.
I start to panic from the stares I’m receiving and feel my heart
beat a little too fast for my liking, not in sync with my breaths. I dart my
eyes around, making eye contact with unknown strangers. I can hear my
heart hammering in my ears. I clear my throat because I feel a lump inside
of it.
I see Nick making his way towards me and I hear him say,
“Carter, breathe—”
“I’ve got to go!” I run past them and down the pathway from them
and inside my building. I run to the girls’ restroom and into an empty stall
to hide from people. I sit on the closed seat and rest my head on my hands.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. It’s not helping.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I throw my head back, facing the ceiling and shutting my eyes.
Breathe, Carter, just breathe.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a panic attack. I forgot what it felt
like. I used to suffer from them when I was younger. I’d like to say that I
grew out of them, but I didn’t; I’ve always had anxiety. It’s always been an
uphill battle for me. I find it hard to keep it under control sometimes. Now
being one of them.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
I gulp down my saliva and take a sip of the water I have in my
bag. I swallow the water back to try to help myself. I stand up with shaky
hands, open the door up, and walk over to the sink, allowing the cold water
to hit my hands. The cold water helped me when I was younger, and I’m
praying it does now. Feeling my heart rate slowly go down, I dry my hands
and look at myself in the mirror.
My flat hair falls down over my shoulders and my back. My skin
is dewy from the cold sweats of the panic. My eyes are dilated. I look like
shit. All those guys saw me like this. I groan out in frustration. Why do I do
this to myself? No wonder I don’t get asked out. I look like I belong in Tim
Burton’s “The Corpse Bride” or something from “The Walking Dead.”
Walking back out into the hallway, I see Nick leaning against the
wall with TJ and they both stop talking to each other to approach me.
“You alright, Carter?” TJ asks me again as he leans on the wall
beside me. Both of them are in their football jackets. Girls are walking by,
staring at them and checking them out while they don’t acknowledge my
existence. Nothing new.
I nod weakly, feeling so embarrassed. “I just didn’t feel well,” I
lie to them. They don’t need know me to know that though. I see TJ stand
up to his full height immediately after I said that.
“Like nauseous? You’re not . . . you know? . . . pregnant? OW!”
Nick punched him hard in his arm while glaring at him.
“What? N-No . . . No, I’m not pregnant, TJ . . .” I feel the heat
rising up my cheeks as I look down at my stomach. “Do I . . . look
pregnant?” I ask them, fixing my shirt as I look around. I instinctively suck
in my stomach to make myself appear skinnier.
“TJ, go get the guys. Now!” Nick barks at him. TJ looks at him
and walks backwards away from us. Seeing Nick’s red cheeks, I can tell
he’s just as embarrassed as I am. Oh God, I look pregnant don’t I? I gained
a few. I knew it. I run my hand through my hair in frustration. I need to go
to the gym.
“I’m not . . . but I look it, don’t I?” I look down at my stomach
once more and try to flatten it as much as I can.
“Carter, TJ is an idiot. Don’t listen to him, you don’t look
pregnant. You look fine, I promise. Sometimes he has no filter. We know
you’re not that type of girl . . .” I snap my head up to him and quirk an
eyebrow.
“What type of girl am I?” I ask, offended by what category he’s
put me in. The ugly girl club. The one who can’t get with a guy. The one
who repels them rather than attracts. Seeing his eyes widen at the sound of
my tone, he rubs the back of his neck.
Not that I want a baby anytime soon, nor do I want to be a teen
mom. Nothing wrong with it, just not in my plans.
 “I didn’t mean it like that, Carter . . .” He stares down at me, and I
look to my left to see a group of girls talking and giggling while staring at
him. He turns his head to see them too and they scatter off into the hallway,
going in different directions, embarrassed they got caught.
“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it like that—”
“It’s fine. I’ve got class. Bye.” I slip to his side and walk away
from him without giving him a second look. As I reach my class, I notice
that it’s empty with only two other people sitting in the auditorium.
I know I’m not the girl who gets the guys’ attention. I never have
been, but it hurts to hear it out loud from someone else—someone as good
looking and as popular as Nick. Way to knock me when I’m down.
Hearing the door shut, I see the professor making his way to the
podium so that class can begin. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to
realise that the class filled up a little more since I came in.
Knowing I’m going to have to put aside my feelings and focus on
the lecture that’s about to happen, I slip my notebook and a pen out. I listen
in on the anatomy lecture he’s giving and take down some notes.
I’ve always wanted to be a physical therapist. It’s been like that
ever since I was younger. My mom’s sister is one, and I used to shadow her
from time to time when we’d come down to her work for some summers.
Sometimes, it would be boring work, but other times, it would be quite
cool. She had some high-profile athletes as her clients that I would sit in on.
That was the only cool part of the job.
For the entire lecture, I put TJ and Nick at the back of my mind.
This was my final lecture of the day. When he signalled for us to leave, I
packed up my stuff and got out as quick as I could.
As I walked down the pathway, I see TJ and Nick back in the
same place outside with there friends, but I keep my head down and walked
back to the dorm. Brisk walking back, I bump into the guy at the party.
What’s his name again?
“Carter! Hey! What’s up?” he asks me with a huge smile on his
face, showing me straight teeth that gleam with whiteness that is almost
blinding.
Ryan! That’s his name.
“Hi, Ryan. Just heading back to my dorm,” I say, walking around
him to continue my journey.
 “Wait! You coming to the game on Friday?” I shake my head no
and see his smile drop. “Why not? You should come. I would love to see
you there.” I snap my eyes from the pavement back up to his and study his
intention. Why would he love to see me there? Does he know who I am?
“Um, I’ve got assignments and stuff to do on Friday. Maybe
another time . . .” I say, beginning to walk backwards away from him but he
follows me.
“Are you coming to the party afterwards? It’s a pool party. Come
to that, at least?” he tries to convince me, but I couldn’t think of anything
worse. A pool party . . . when I’ve just been called pregnant today. No
thanks. I’m good.
“Maybe? It depends on how much of the work I get done. I’ve got
to go. Bye.” I wave him off and then back to see the doors of my dorm
building in front of me.
“Wait! Well, if you’re not coming on Friday, can I take you out?
Like on, a date?” I stood frozen to the pavement, unable to face him. He
picked up on this, so he made his way around to see me. Ryan is handsome.
Tall, dark hair, slightly curly, buff with broad shoulders, and a thin waist.
Perfect smile that’ll make you swoon for days. Brown eyes that are so dark
you can see yourself in them. A light tan on his face to show he plays
outdoors a lot. He’s got the boy next door look down to a tee.
“Um . . . I don’t date. I’m sorry.” What I really mean is, I don’t
date football players.
“I mean, we could do other stuff if you want to?” he teases me,
coming closer. I shake my head no, which makes him frown and pout.
“I don’t do that either—”
“You’re going to make me work for it aren’t you?” He smiles at
me, and I shake my head once again but before I could say anything, he got
there before me.
“Challenge accepted!” I raise a brow at him, wondering what part
of “no” did he not understand? Either he’s deaf or doesn’t like the word
itself. Placing his hands on my shoulders, I eye both of his hands up, asking
internally what he is doing? “I will get at least one date with you, Carter! I
promise you!” He walks away from me and I head towards the building, so
confused as to what just happened?
Why is he so persistent? Why can’t he just take a no?
 I swing the door open of the building and fish my keys out while I
mindlessly walk towards the elevator. I stare at it and decide to take the
stairs so I can burn some calories. Trudging my feet up the stairs, slapping
down on the tiles as I ascend to my room.
Upon reaching it, I see it’s already open. I push it open with
skepticism and I see Haley rushing around and throwing things in her bag.
She must be late for a class.
“Hi, Carter! Bye, Carter!” She runs out the door past me like the
wind, heading towards the stairs. I hear the slapping of her sandles on the
tiles that slowly fade away as she moves further from the room, her blonde
hair flowing in the air as she runs away to her class.
“Bye . . .” I say to nobody as I close the door. I hear cutlery
clanking against a plate and Danielle comes into sight.
“Hey, girl! Cute top! How was class?” She smiles over to me.
Danielle is so nice, she’s got lots of tips on how to survive college as a girl.
She has an older sister who told her what to do and what not to do. We have
been sticking to those rules so nothing bad happens to any of us.
“It was fine; got a football thrown at me, ran away from TJ and
Nick, got told I looked pregnant and was told I was pretty much ugly, and,
lastly, got asked out on a date even though I said no. So, all in all, it’s was
pretty boring.” She starts laughing at my sarcastic remarks about my day.
She covers her mouth and chews the rest of her food that looks so delicious.
“Okay, you need to fill me in! Like, now!” She waves her hand
around her face, telling me to explain. I sit down with a huff into the seat
opposite to her and sigh, taking out my water bottle from my hand bag.
“Well, I was walking to class and saw Nick and TJ. Someone
threw a football at me and I caught it. They asked me if was I alright and
everyone was looking right at me because they were talking to me. I had a
panic attack and ran to the girls’ restroom. I nearly cried alone in there.
“I came out and I told TJ and Nick I felt sick, which wasn’t a total
lie. TJ thought I was pregnant and Nick told me I wasn’t that type of girl.
So, he basically said that a guy wouldn’t even want to knock me up. Or go
near me for that matter.
“I walked home from my class and bumped into Ryan. He asked
me out, I said no. Like twice. And he saw it as a challenge. He wanted me
to go to the game on Friday because he’d love to see me there. Then he
wanted me to go to a pool party. Why on earth would I go to a pool party
when I was called pregnant and ugly today? Hmm?” I see Danielle
smirking at me. This is the first time I’ve had an outburst to a girl, who was
one of my friends. One of my two only friends I’ve had my entire life.
“Well, I don’t think the guys meant it like that. Did TJ say the
word pregnant?” I nodded and she face palms herself, probably wondering
why he would ask that. “Ugh! TJ!” she groans with her eyes closed.
“I know . . .”
“And what did Nick say exactly?” She continues to cut up her
avocado with salmon on toasted bread.
“He said somethings along the lines of ‘Don’t listen to TJ, you
don’t look pregnant. we know you’re not that type of girl . . .’ ”
“Ugh . . . NICK!” she groans out loud once more. She’s starting to
see where I’m coming from. She shakes her head and looks over at me. I
see the sympathy in her eyes. She knows it’s kind of upset me today. “I’m
sure dumb and dumber really didn’t mean it. It sounds like their minds
weren’t programmed to their mouths. I’m sure you could’ve taken Nick’s
comment one way or another, but I get where you’re coming from,” she
assures me.
I nod, sipping on my water. I’m sure she’s right. She’s got more
experience than I do with people; guys in particular. I don’t even reach half
of either hers or Haley’s experience scales when it comes to guys. I have no
idea what to do when I’m around them.
“Why don’t you come to the game on Friday? We can check out
the players on the field. That’s really the only reason why I’m going.
Football’s . . . not my thing. Hot sweaty guys? Now we’re talking!” We
both laugh at her comment. I push up the glasses on my nose and shake my
head. I see her frown.
“I’ve got an assignment that I want to finish on Friday.” I close
the cap on the bottle and set it down on the table in front of me.
“Well, you coming to the party afterwards?” She chews on her
food covering her mouth.
“I don’t think so. I think I’ll just stay here for the night. I don’t
want to be felt up again . . . Or be called pregnant again . . .” I play with my
fingers, having a flashback of that night. When I got pulled upstairs by that
guy. Him putting his hands all over me and kissing, biting, and trailing his
tongue up my neck. I touch my neck subconsciously, almost feeling him
still on me.
“What happened? I just got pulled by Haley to go outside with
you both,” she asks me softly, like she was silently asking if I wanted to talk
about it.
“I saw Nick and ran away, crashed into a guy and spilt his drink
all over him. I offered to help clean him up in the kitchen but he took my
hand and brought me upstairs. Once we were in a room, which I thought
was locked, he pushed me up against the wall and started to . . . kiss and
bite my neck. He kept commenting on how I looked. Then we heard
banging on the door. It was TJ and Haley. TJ took my hand and pulled me
out but the guy got really angry with him. So TJ threatened that him and
Nick will make him regret what he did if he didn’t stay away from me. I
haven’t seen him since. Haley took me downstairs and we waited outside
when we found you. I’m sorry you got pulled away from that guy you were
dancing with!” I apologized to her and she shook her head wildly.
“No! No! I needed saving from him! He was a total creep and I
couldn’t find a way to get away from him. I was glad to see both of you,
you have no idea.” She chuckles thinking about that night. “I’m sorry that
happened to you. I get why you don’t want to go back out. But don’t let it
scare you from going out forever. You’ll have amazing memories on some
nights and you’ll have awful ones. That being one.” Her hand reaches
across to touch mine and squeezes it. “If you want, I can stay with you on
Friday and we can just watch movies and stuff?” She smiles softly over to
me.
“No, I’m alright with being alone here. You guys go out and enjoy
the night. I just need time for myself this weekend. I might call my family,”
I tell her standing up to walk over to the refrigerator.
“Did I ever tell you I love your mom!” she jokes, making me
laugh harder. I know she’s trying to change the subject because I realized
I’m not comfortable with that stuff yet. I appreciate that she picked up on it.
I’m new to it, so I find it strange.
“No . . .” I reply, still facing the refrigerator.
“Well, I do! She’s so sweet, like, I want your parents to adopt
me!” she squeaks out, turning her body around to face me.
 “I’m not sure you want that!” I mumble, checking what we can
make for dinner. I’m not really in the mood for cooking tonight. Maybe one
of them might cook something or we can eat out?
“Why? Danielle . . . what’s your last name again?” I freeze. I
honestly forgot hers too. I knew Haley’s because of Nick, him being the
most talked about guy on campus. Nick Jackson this, Nick Jackson that; all
the girls in my classes are obsessed with him. I mean he’s gorgeous, but he
has a girlfriend, don’t they respect that?
“That’s not important,” I tell her, trying to act like I don’t care.
She stops talking for a moment. Hearing nothing but silence in the room, I
spin around still crouched down on my feet at the refrigerator. Seeing her
stare at me.
“What’s your last name Carter?” she teases me with her finger
resting across her upper lip. “You’re hiding something aren’t you?” She’s
still keeping that same tone in her voice as when she asked the first
question. Still staring at me, she fumbles around the table to get her phone.
Once she does, she pulls it out to find something.
“What are you doing?” I ask her, standing up and turning around
to fully face her.
“Finding the email the college sent us. It has yours and Haley’s
names in it.” She smirks down at her phone. Seeing her eyes widen, I know
she’s found it. “Steel! Carter Steel,” she repeats my name once more. “Siri,
Google Carter Steel.” Hearing Siri reply as she carries out the task, I feel
the blood drain from my body. “Holy shit! You’re famous! Well, your dad is
famous,” she trails off, not looking up from the screen.
“That’s not my dad,” I say as calmly as possible.
“That’s definitely your dad. He’s standing in the picture with your
mom! And in the next one he’s kissing her! And your bro—Holy crap!
They’re your brothers! Wow! Damn, your brothers are hot!” She smiles
even wider at the screen. I feel my body walking over to her.
“Please don’t tell anyone! Please Danielle! Please!” I clasp my
hands with a pleading looking on my face. Her smiles is replaced by a
shocked expression and now a worried one.
“What? Carter, I’m not going to say anything if you don’t want
me to. What will happen if I tell someone?” Her confused look catches me
off guard as I take a step back from her. I think I scared her.
 “Oh, I don’t know, I’m in a college that worships football and my
dad is the best coach in the NFL while my brothers are the top players in
the NFL currently and some of the players on this college team want to play
in THE NFL!” I yell in frustration. She stands up and walks over to me,
placing both of her hands on my shoulders after spinning me around.
“I’m not really understanding, Carter. I have no idea about
football . . .” She’s still not making the link.
“Look, if people know I’m a Steel, they’ll use me to get to my
dad, especially the football players . . .” I put emphasis on the words
football players for her to try and link it herself. I see the realization set in,
in her eyes and she purses her lips to the side.
“You mean TJ and Nick.”
I nod and look down at my feet. I feel my arms drop down to my
side like the energy had left them. I feel emotionally drained after today. “I
won’t say anything, I promise. But I think somebody else will find out one
way or another. I mean, there’s an email with your name in it that was sent
to all three of us. If Haley sees it, she’ll make the same connection, and she
knows about football. But it’s your choice, Carter. I won’t say anything if
you don’t want me to.” Her hands rub my shoulders to comfort me after
I’ve panicked. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think either of them will use
you to get a career in the NFL.” She leans in to hug me and I hug her back.
“You don’t know that . . .” I whisper to her. My heart rate slows
down with time.
“True, but I’ve got a feeling they won’t.” She squeezes me and
then lets go of me. Walking over to the open door of the refrigerator, she
pokes her head inside to see what we have available. “Let’s eat out tonight,
I’m not in the mood to cook. I can bet neither is Haley. Let’s go out and we
can get ice cream afterwards?” I nod my head, thinking she read my mind.
This girl is going to be one of my closest friends. I can feel it.
“Cool! I’ll text Haley, it’ll probably make her day! She was not in
a good mood this morning . . . I’ll make sure she knows it’s just us girls
going so she doesn’t ask Nick or TJ . . . unless you want them to come with
us?” She smirks as she leans back on the counter. Why is she looking at me
like that?
“What? Why are you smiling like that?” She just shrugs her
shoulders. “Danielle, what? What do you know?” I step over to her side.
 “Oh nothing . . . but I think one of them may have a little thing for
you,” she trails off typing the message into our group chat. My heart jumps
into my mouth at her words as she swivels around to take in my reaction.
“What? N-No . . . TJ likes Haley, n-not me!” I assure her.
“Oh, I know he does. I wasn’t talking about TJ.” She smirks over
at me again and I roll my eyes at her.
“Nick? Are you nuts! Nick doesn’t like me! He has a girlfriend!” I
laugh at her. I shake my head, closing the door and avoiding eye contact
with her.
“I think he does. Plus, that girl is definitely not his girlfriend. He’s
known for never having a girlfriend. He’s a ladies man, a complete player . .
. but I think he has a little thing for you!” She pokes my cheek playfully
making a smile grown on my face and I grab on to her finger. She gasps at
me and says, “And by the looks of things, you have a little thing for him
too! OMG, you like him! Well, I mean, every girl except for Haley likes
him! He’s so hot! Good lord is that boy hot!” She throws her head back,
appreciating Nick and his hotness. I couldn’t agree more. God, he’s so hot.
“I do not like him! That’s Haley’s brother, Danielle! Plus, he’s
way out of my league! Have you seen the girls on this campus?” I squeak
out at her slightly laughing.
“Denial isn’t just a river in India, Carter! Have you seen yourself?
Hello! You’re gorgeous! I’m pretty sure Nick noticed . . . and apparently,
Ryan too.” She taps her finger on my head, telling me to wake up and smell
the roses. But I just lean back and laugh at her while looking up at the
ceiling.
“It’s in Egypt, actually.” I laugh.
“Whatever. If you don’t believe me, then that’s on you! But I’ve
got a feeling he does . . .” She winks before walking to the sofa.
“That’s only an opinion and not a fact, Danielle. I think he just
feels sorry for me, which is even worse . . . Like, I’m so awkward . . .” I
moan to the back of her retreating head. I join her and we start to watch
ESPN. I tell her the basics about football while we watch a game. I tell her
who were my two brothers and I point to her where my dad was on the
screen. She just stares in awe the entire time. I know it’s her just checking
out the guys on the screen, but it was fun to watch it with her. She started to
grasp the rules of the game quickly, to my surprise. I mean, the girl did
think The Nile river was in India.
Haley arrived back at five and we all decided to go out and eat,
just us girls. We had such a great time eating and laughing together. There
were a crowd of guys that kept us entertained. We got one of their numbers
when they asked us to come to a party some night, courtesy of Danielle and
Haley. I had no input in that, I just sat there staring at them. I couldn’t form
any words.
Currently, we were sitting on Haley’s bed and talking about them.
Haley wasn’t interested and Danielle and I know why. She really likes TJ;
you can see it in her face, but we want her to tell us. I didn’t realize I fell
asleep with Haley and Danielle in her bed until I felt someone cuddle up to
me.
All three of us were huddled up together when I opened my eyes
to look around the dark room with the moonlight shining through the
window. I smile at the two sleeping girls and lay back down to fall asleep
again.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SIX
’Night, Kids! Stay Safe, and Wear Protection

Nick
I can hear the guys grunt as they make impact with the padding
held by the coaching staff. Coach starts to yell at us to be more energetic. I
look at the people making their way to their seats in the stands. I can’t see
my sister yet. She’ll be here, she always does for my games. My parents are
usually here, but my dad is away on a business trip and my mom didn’t
want to come without him.
I pull on my jersey and bite on to the collar. I see TJ running the
lines as fast as he can. It gets him pumped for the game. If he doesn’t do his
running, he won’t play well. Once he’s finished, he’ll make his way over to
me. Then we’ll have a team talk in the locker room and make our way back
out onto the field.
I’m throwing the ball to a staff member, warming up my arm. But
I keep looking into the stands to see if I can find my sister, and also another
girl. In the back of my mind, I have a feeling she won’t come tonight but I
still want to know for sure. She’s never seen me play and I want her to.
Haley said she might come to the party tonight. Here’s hoping.
TJ has done nothing but tease me the entire week about her. I felt
bad for what I said to her. I want to apologize to her, but she couldn’t have
ran away from me quick enough. Even when she was walking back to her
dorm, she briefly looked back at TJ and me and then kept walking with her
head down. That’s when I knew we affected her a little more than we
originally thought. Then I saw her talking to Ryan and I immediately stared
at them both. I know what he was trying to do but he told TJ she said no to
a date.
I relaxed instantly when he told me that. He even knew because
he was smirking so hard at me. So I started to wrestle with him about it,
denying anything what he said about her.
“Jackson! Focus!” Bulldog shouts over the field at me, catching
my attention. Bulldog is on our coaching staff, and he’s called “Bulldog”
for a reason. He may be a short, stumpy man but you wouldn’t want to
cross him because he will own you in two seconds flat. You do as your told
with him, no questions asked. One of the best in college football too.
I catch the ball he throws back at me and side step pretending, I
have people running at me. I throw it back and nail the spiral heading
towards him. “Nice ball, Jackson!” he compliments me when he catches it
with ease. We continue to do this for another ten or so minutes while we
wait for the time to count down for kick off. I’m done with my warm up,
and I see TJ jogging over to me with a beaming smile.
“Haley’s here, and so is Danielle.” He doesn’t mention her, so I
look down and check the back of my studs. I look over my shoulder to see
Haley sitting in the second row with Danielle, so we wave over to them.
They wave back to us with grins on their faces.
“Cheer up, man! There are other girls here to watch you.” His
head bobs back into the stands, and I see Maya sitting with her friends
down the line from my sister. She starts waving at me while sucking on a
lollipop. I send her a nod in acknowledgement. I face TJ, and he’s smirking
at me again.
“Fuck off, TJ,” I grit out and we all walk inside with him laughing
beside me. He always winds me up. Successfully too. He knows what
buttons to push to piss me off.
Once we get to the locker room, I sit over to where my training
bag is and wait for the rest to follow suit. We all have to listen to Coach’s
speech. I hear my phone buzz in the bottom of my bag and I fish it out with
my free hand while the other holds a bottle of Gatorade.

Maya: Good luck tonight babe! I’ll be cheering for you

���� xx

I ignore it and put it back inside my bag with force. The game is
my main focus for tonight. I have to pump myself up for tonight.
Focus on the game, Nick.
 After Coach’s speech, we all run back out through the tunnel and
we get a cheer from the crowd. I look around to see Haley and Danielle
standing and clapping for us. I smile at them and place my helmet on my
head and ready myself for what’s about to come.
Auburn. It’s Friday night and we’re playing against a solid team.
We beat them last year but only by a three point lead. It was a tough game
with tough players. I remember their cheerleaders mainly. I remember me
and the guys staring at them while they did their routine for their team then
watching ours.
“If they don’t get you pumped up, then I don’t know what will!”
Rob jokingly nudges me and TJ. TJ just laughs at him as a reply while I just
stare at them for a second, then move my eyes to the stand, and see the
empty seats next to my sister. I’m not wishing my family was here, but her.
Feeling the slaps of the guys telling me it’s time to lead the team,
we run out between our cheerleaders and I look straight ahead of me. I just
can’t look at anyone. I need to stay in the zone.
Once the game starts, I forget about the people in the stand and
focus on leading this team to our first victory of the season. We often play
well at the beginning, but start to slip a little before halftime. I see a few
heads drop, including Rob’s and Reggie’s.
I grab on to their helmets and make them look at me. I tell them,
“Don’t you guys dare drop your heads! DO YOU HEAR ME?” I slap their
helmets once more while they nod and bump helmets with each other.
Keeping us in the game, Reggie gets a touchdown thirty seconds before the
whistle blows. Calling it in, we’re seven points ahead with 14–7. It’s still a
close game despite the lead.
Once the game was over, we had won by five points, 25–20, with
TJ getting the final touchdown. We hugged each other, and I couldn’t be
happier for my best friend. He was grinning from ear to ear. We shake the
other players’ hands before I walk over to where Haley and Danielle are. I
see them smiling at me.
“You played so good, Nick! And TJ, your touchdown was
amazing!” I didn’t realize TJ followed me. I see him smiling up at the girls.
“Thanks Haley! I didn’t think I’d make it.” He exhales deeply,
allowing his hair to fly up a little. I laugh at his facial expression because I
didn’t think he’d make it either. He cleared the guy who was on his tail and
leaped across the line.
“Carter said to tell you guys you both played amazing!” My eyes
snap back over to my sister again after hearing her name. It hit a nerve in
my body when I heard her say Carter.
“She was watching? Where?” TJ asks after a few moments. I
couldn’t form a sentence. She was watching? I see Haley’s head nod up and
down, looking at her phone. I see the message she wrote on the screen.
“She’s watching you both on TV. She’s doing an assignment at the
moment, but she messaged our group to tell you that!”
I need to get into a group chat with her. I feel a smile grow on my
face as I look at the two girls. Haley is smiling back, oblivious to my
thoughts, but Danielle is smirking at me. I raise an eyebrow at her, and her
smirk looks like something TJ is wearing right now. I roll my eyes at the
both of them and we all chat a little longer until we get interrupted by a
high-pitched voice that now irritates the hell out of me.
“Nick! Babe! You were amazing!” Maya squeals behind my sister,
who sighs just from hearing her voice. She shuts her eyes, trying to block
her out. I thank Maya, trying to get her to leave, but she doesn’t pick up on
the hint. “Are you coming to the pool party at the house tonight?” I nod
along with TJ.
“Perfect! You can stay with me later if you want? I’ll see you
guys then! Bye, babe!” She waves off, eventually leaving us alone. TJ and I
head into the locker room for showers while the girls wait for us so we can
head to the party together.
I put my shirt over my head, ignoring TJ’s teasing. He’s been
doing it since we walked into the showers. “Dude! You should’ve seen your
face!” He pinches my cheek.
I swat his hand away. “Shut up, TJ! You’re such a drama queen!”
I zip up my bag and stand at the door, waiting for him to join me.
We both walk back out to the open air out of the stadium and we
see Haley and Danielle laughing at their screens. As soon as we approach
them, Haley turns around and scowls at us. Both our eyes widen at her
sudden change in mood.
“Woah! What’s that look for?” TJ asks with his hands up in
surrender. We’re both scared at what is going to come flying out of her
mouth. This is not going to be good.
“You!” She points at TJ. “Did you ask Carter if she was
pregnant?” She pushes his chest, making him step back a little.
“Oh shit . . .” TJ curses under his breath at my sister.
“ ‘Oh shit ’ is right! What the hell is wrong with you, TJ! You
basically called her fat! Never comment on a girls weight or ask if she’s
pregnant!” She waves her hands up in the air in TJ’s face.
“I didn’t mean it like that. She ran into the restroom and told us
she felt sick. It was the only thing I could think of . . .” He groans at hearing
what must have gone through her head that day.
“And you!” She points to me. Oh shit. “You said she was ugly!”
My eyes widen even more and I shake my head no.
“N-No! I didn’t call her ugly! Shit, is that what she thinks?” I spin
my head to face TJ, who stares at me with disbelieving eyes.
Fuck. I fucked up. Badly. So did TJ.
“I think she took it the wrong way. I said that she’s not the type of
girl to get pregnant. I meant it as a compliment, I swear! As in, she’s
responsible to not get knocked up. I didn’t mean she’s ugly; she’s not!” I
freeze at what I just said out loud. Double fuck. Don’t pick up on it, don’t
pick up on it.
“Ughhh! You both need to rewire your brains! You’re both idiots,
do you know that!” Haley points her fingers at both of us, with anger in her
face.
“How about this? We’ll drop around tomorrow and apologize to
her?” TJ steps closer to my sister, who drops her hands down to her sides. I
nod my head, not wanting to say anything more about it just in case more
word vomit comes up my throat and exits my mouth.
I watch Haley’s head nod too while her eyes dart between us as
we all walk to TJ’s car. Slipping inside, I can’t get the thought of Carter
thinking that I think she’s ugly.
She’s the furthest from ugly. She’s stunning. So stunning that she
hasn’t left my mind since I first saw her. Her striking blue eyes when they
fell on me. The way they roamed my body when she stood in front of me.
Her timid demeanour. Her fragile body—her sexy, fragile body that I
couldn’t keep my eyes off of.
 Then, when she spoke. That soft angelic voice that, if you weren’t
looking at her you would’ve missed completely. The way her lips moved
when she spoke was what stole my attention instantly without even trying.
“Yo! Nick! You alright, man?” TJ punches me out of my thoughts.
I nod back, slipping out of the car noticing the two girls had already walked
inside.
“You good?” he asks me again when I meet him on the other side
of the car.
“I’m good.” I pat his shoulder as we walk into the house. I look
around the house to see if I can find her. Haley said she might come to the
party. I hope she did. I want to talk to her before either one of us gets drunk
and doesn’t remember what we said.
I roam my eyes around at each brunette, trying to see if she’s here.
Catching a few eyes in the process, I get winks and smiles in my direction
as I sip on the beer bottle TJ had gotten for me.
“She’s not here man.” He laughs before taking a sip of his own.
Am I that obvious? “Haley said she’s still in the dorm room doing the
assignment.” He smiles smugly over at me. He’s the only person who
knows me like that back of their hand. But I’ll deny it.
“I’m looking for Maya . . .” I lie.
“Maya is blonde, Nick, not a brunette,” he teases me with that
look still on his face. I roll my eyes and sit on the sofa with the rest of the
players. A half hour later, I’m still on the sofa sipping on the same beer.
I can’t stop thinking about the whole Carter thing. I stand up and
start to walk outside to the front but get stopped when I hear TJ.
“Where are you going?” he asks me from a distance sitting in the
arm rest.
“I need some air. I’ll be back in five.” I don’t wait for a response.
I walk outside and brush past people wandering through the space parted
for me. I decide to leave.

* * *

Carter
 I tap on my keyboard, trying to type some words into Google to
help me understand what some of these big words mean. Some of the
names given to body parts are absolutely outrageous. How in the world am
I going to remember these?
YouTube.
That’s usually a good place for teaching things; tutorials and what
not.
I type it in the search engine and click on it when it shows up. I
type in anatomy courses and scroll through my options. Trying to find ones
with good diagrams and pictures to help me learn the material usually
works for me. Oooh, here’s one. I click on the name and wait for it to load.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I look over to the door to see if it was ours that the person
knocked on. I stare at it and then back to my laptop to see it’s only 10:44
PM in the top right corner of my Mac.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I jump a little and laugh, thinking it’s probably Haley or Danielle.
They must’ve forgotten their keys or something. I walk over to the door and
my legs gets pulled back, trapped by the charger. I release it and carry on to
the door and swing it open.
“What did you guys forg—Nick?” My eyes widen at the sight of
him. What the hell is he doing here? I think to myself, just staring at him.
Dark navy blue shirt clasps on to his muscles and black jeans hang nicely to
his hips. Haley, he’s probably looking for Haley. “Um, Haley should be at
the party?” I tell him quietly. I didn’t recognise my own voice one bit and
cringe at the sound of it.
His eyes pierce through me, studying me, while both his hands
rest on either side of the door. “Uh, I-I know . . . I actually came here to see
you.” My heart starts to race at what he said. “Can I come in?” he asks, still
staring at me. Those green eyes are so mesmerizing. I don’t know where to
look.
I step to the side to allow him in and I awkwardly close the door.
The smell of his cologne captures my nose, and I inhale slightly to keep the
smell with me. He starts to walk over to the sofa and sits on it. I follow
behind him and sit the other side. He scoots closer to me and I clear my
throat, wondering why he’s here.
 “Is everything okay?” I ask timidly afraid of the answer.
“Yeah . . . well, no . . . I just wanted to come over and apologize
for the other day. Carter, I know what I said upset you. It wasn’t my
intention. When I said you’re not that type of girl, I meant it as a
compliment, but it came out as an insult from the context of the
conversation. I get why you were offended.”
“Nick, its fine.” I rub the back of my neck awkwardly.
“It’s really not. You’re not ugly. I never thought you were, Carter.
I didn’t mean to upset you. Haley told me tonight that it did and, since then,
it’s been on my mind. So, I just thought I’d come over and explain my point
of view after seeing it from yours . . .” I sit there in shock, just listening to
him talk to me. He doesn’t think I’m ugly? His eyes never wavered from
mine, only blinking. I can see he really is sorry.
“No, I probably overreacted. Honestly, it’s fine, Nick. You don’t
need to apologize—”
“That’s the thing Carter, I do. I’m sorry I said that. I’m sorry I
upset you. I really am.” I unknowingly take his hand in mine and I smile at
him. I can see he’s beating himself up about it but it’s not news to me. I got
over it and accepted it.
His hand squeezes mine as he looks down at them, intertwined.
He laces his fingers with mine, and I feel my heart beating so fast. “Thank
you. But honestly, it’s fine. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it,” I mumble
that last part to myself as I stand up, letting go of him. I miss the warm
touch of his skin on mine, but I need to stay away from him.
“What? What do you mean it’s not the first time? Someone has
called you ugly before?” I hear the edge in his tone that makes him stand up
alongside me, his build towering over mine. My eyes widen at the sight of
him once more. His intimidating frame makes me step back a little. “Carter,
has someone said that to you before?” I smile at him and fix my hair out of
discomfort. I cough as I try to think of something to say but I come up
blank. Why does he do this to me?
“Carter . . . you’re not ugly. Trust me on that. You’re the furthest
thing from ugly; the complete opposite, in fact.” I feel the heat rise up in my
cheeks at his words. His phone vibrates on the table, catching both of our
attention. I see Maya written across the screen, wondering where he is.
What’s the furthest thing from ugly? is what I want to ask him but it won’t
come out.
“You should probably get back to the party . . . People are
probably looking for you. I don’t want to keep you—” He takes my arm
gently, and I spin to look up at him, wondering what he’s doing. We just
stare at each other for what feels like forever, even though it’s only been a
few minutes. My heart hammers away at my chest, feeling the energy from
his touch.
“The party was boring. Can I stay here for a little while?” he asks
me with a smile.
I return it. “Hiding from someone?” I manage to get out with a
teasing tone. He laughs at this and I freeze at the sound of his laugh. I
haven’t heard him laugh before and it’s so appealing. Seeing he has a single
dimple on his left cheek, I stand there staring at him in wonder. He’s so
good looking.
“Something like that, yeah. Do you mind?” I shake my head. “I
won’t disturb you. You’re doing assignments, aren’t you?” I nod my head,
still noticing his hand is holding my arm. I don’t think he has realised this
yet. I don’t say anything because, to be honest, I don’t want him to let go.
“Yeah, well, I was trying to but it’s hard at the moment. I have to
look up all these words and remember them. It’s boring, so I can play a
movie for you if you want?” Hearing his phone buzz again and again, over
and over, he shuts his eyes and lets go of my arm, reaching down to turn it
off. I bite on my lip, feeling like a third wheel between him and his
girlfriend.
“What class is it? Maybe I can help you? I might have taken it?”
he asks, focusing his attention back to me. I stand there in shock. I won’t be
able to concentrate with him helping me.
“Um, basic anatomy for physical therapists,” I tell him and he
smiles back at me with a twinkle in his eye.
“You want to be a physical therapist?” he asks with a high pitch
tone in his voice, almost like he doesn’t believe what he heard. I nod at him,
putting my arm around my back and locking it into place with the other.
“I’m studying it too. I’ve actually done that class. I can give you
my notes if you want? It’s hard but once you get the concepts you’ll be fine
for the next few classes. Make sure you learn as much as you can. The
exam is tough with a high failure rate. Do well in the assignments too. Get
all the percentage you can going into the exam! Here, let me help you.” He
takes my shoulders and backs me up, spinning me around and guiding me
to the chair I was sitting in.
“I’m sure you have better things to be doing tonight than to help
me, Nick . . .” I tell him over my shoulder as I sit down. He takes the seat
next to me, looking at me with his boyish grin that would make any girl
swoon, me included.
“It’s not like you’re keeping me here against my will. I want to
help you.” He leans in closer to me and scrolls through the videos I looked
up on YouTube. He opens another tab and types in another website for me.
His arm brushes off my own every now and then.
“Wouldn’t your girlfriend mind that you’re not at the party?” I ask
and he stops for a moment. His eyes scan mine, and I feel my breath catch
in my throat.
He smiles at me and releases a breathy chuckle. “I don’t have a
girlfriend, so there’s no need to worry about that Carter.” He continues
typing on my laptop with a smile on his face.
He doesn’t have a girlfriend? Danielle was right.
But he has a choice of any girl on campus. I sigh mentally at that
thought. Quit while you’re ahead, Carter. It’ll be painful if you don’t, I think
to myself. We spent the next two hours talking about the course while I took
down his advice as he’s three years ahead of me.
“You know what? Give me your phone.” I open up my phone and
hand it to him. I lean over to see what he’s doing. I see him typing in a
number and wonder who’s it is. Adding it to my contacts, he types in his
name. I feel a pulse rip through my entire body. He’s giving me his number?
He turns his phone back on and I can see the numerous messages and
missed calls he’s got from people. Once it’s on, he presses call on my phone
and I see my number come up on his. He clicks back in to his contact
details and puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest.
Seeing he’s taking a selfie of us, I laugh and cover my face.
“Don’t do that. Come on, you look great!” He laughs, trying to
take my hands away from my face but I squeal out a laugh.
“Oh God, I would break the screen with how I look right now.” I
giggle into my hands.
 He succeeds in taking my hands away from blocking my face and,
with his arm once again finding my shoulder, tells me, “Carter, you couldn’t
break the screen if you threw it at a wall.”
We laugh and take a picture. I see it as his contact on mine and he
takes another one of us for his phone. Setting them both up on our phones, I
smile at his name typed in. “If you need help with anything, college, parties
. . . my sister, just call me. Or text me, I don’t mind. Or even if you just
want to talk.” He smiles, leaning over my phone in my hands, his elbows
resting on the table. I stare down at the picture he took of us. We’re both
smiling like we won the lottery. He’s so photogenic. Meanwhile, I look like
something from Ghostbusters.
“Okay, cool. Thanks.” I was surprised at how calm I sounded.
Because inside, it was like a rampant zoo kicking up. I look up to see how
close he is to me, and I see his smile slowly fade away as we once again
look at each other. My breathing is silently erratic and uncontrollable as I
realize his proximity, staring into those hunter-green eyes once more. You
could get lost in them.
I study his features more closely. He’s got small freckles dotting
his face, making him look more innocent. His nose is perfectly straight with
no bumps or crevices visible to the eye. His lips are plump and pink, and his
tongue trails out to lick them. I look back up to his eyes and see he’s
looking at my lips.
Why is he looking there?
He starts to lean in slowly towards me, finding my eyes once
more. His hand slips to the back of my chair, caging me in, all while his
head tilts slightly to the side. Feeling his breath tingle my lips, I don’t pull
away from him.
Hearing the keys fumbling in the door, we pull apart from each
other quickly as soon as the door swings open.
Was he going to kiss me?
No. No, surely not.
“Ca—Nick? What the f-fuck? Where the holy hell have you been
the entire n-night! TJ w-went home looking for you . . . Maya is pissed!”
Haley starts laughing along with Danielle. They can barely stand. I release a
small giggle at my two roommates laughing at what Haley said. They both
trudge in and sit in the seats opposite to us. I lean back, pulling my legs up
on the chair. Watching them both nearly miss the chairs completely as they
sit down, I hear Nick laugh at the two of them.
“She’s such an annoying bitch! Ugh, she just wouldn’t leave me
alone tonight. ‘Where’s Nick? Have you seen Nick? He told me he was
coming!’ Blah blah blah . . .” Her voice tries to imitate the girl she really
doesn’t like. You can tell by her face. Every time she’s mentioned, Haley
rolls her eyes or huffs. It’s like she is allergic to her. Haley stands back up,
gripping on to everything in her path to the refrigerator.
“Ahhh! Pizza!” She swoons at the sight of our leftovers from last
night. We really need to start cooking for each other, I mentally note to
myself. “Alright, I’m going to s-sleep. I’m tired and wasted. Gooodnight,
peeps!” She gives us the peace out sign as she walks into her room, closing
the door with pizza hanging freely from her mouth. Hearing Danielle snort
brings our attention back to her. She’s sipping on a water bottle, eyeing both
of us up.
I see the smirk crawl onto her lips as she looks at me. I feel my
cheeks heat up. Don’t say anything. Please don’t say anything. Nick starts to
look between the both of us skeptically.
“We didn’t interrupt something did we?” Danielle teases Nick,
who stares at her for the longest time. The silence between the three of us is
deafening. Someone answer.
“No, we were just talking.” He shrugs off her comment like it’s no
big deal. He’s telling the truth. Nothing happened other than us talking. I
smile over to her and send her a don’t-you-say-another-word look over to
her but she purposely doesn’t pick up on it, because her smile gets wider.
“Mmmhmm. Talking? Riiight . . .” She stands up and throws the
bottle into the trash. Pushing her chair in, she smiles at the both of us. I try
to hide my embarrassment while Nick stares at her, confused as to what is
going on. Catching Nick’s eyes again, I look away down to my laptop
screen.
“I’m going to sleep too. ’Night, kids! Stay safe, and wear
protection!” she yells behind her. I close my eyes, trying not to throw the
chair at her. Oh. My. God. She did not just say that out loud. Nick twists his
body around in the chair to watch her leave and then focuses his attention
back to me. I feel his eyes burning through my skin. I refuse to look at him.
“Am I missing something?” He laughs slightly at the end.
 I shake my head. “I honestly don’t know what she’s talking about.
I-I think she’s wasted too.” I think on the spot to diffuse the awkward
situation.
“Okaaay . . . Well, I better go anyway. TJ will be annoying the
hell out of me if I’m not home.” He stands up beside me and I copy him. I
fix my hair once more and stand there awkwardly. I mentally groan at
myself. Why do I have to be like this?
He opens the door and I stand there, watching him walk out the
few steps we had. Watching his back muscles move is so hypnotizing. He
turns back around to face me, smiling down at me. I gulp down hard as I
look up at this Greek god standing right in front of me. Speak, Carter,
speak.
“Um, thanks for helping me out tonight. I owe you one.” His
smile gets wider as the seconds pass between us.
“No problem! Anytime, I’m just a phone call away. You don’t
owe me anything, Carter. I wanted to help.” He slips his hands into his front
pockets, leaning slightly forward on his toes. While staring at each other, I
remember that it’s my turn to speak.
“Oh yeah! Um, thanks. You’re probably going to regret giving me
your number.” I laugh, holding up my phone in my hand. “I do owe you,
though. You spent the entire night with me, I probably bored you to tears.
I’ll buy you food or something to make it up?” I bite on my bottom lip,
thinking why would he want to hang out with me? I’m so weird.
“I definitely won’t regret it. How about this? You come to my
next game and we’ll call it even?” I hear the happiness in his tone and it
catches me off guard a little. Why would he want me at his next game?
“Because I would like to see you there.” My eyes widen at the fact I asked
that out loud.
“I said that out loud didn’t I?” Seeing his head nod with
amusement, I groan and face palm myself. His laugh occupies the space
between us. “Um, sure okay?” I stare back at his tall frame.
“Really?” he asks raising his eyebrows at me. I nod, shuffling my
bare feet around. “Cool! It’s in two weeks, on a Saturday though. It’s at
home because the other team’s stadium is under renovation at the moment.
So, I’ll see you there?” I nod once more and he once again sends me his
beaming smile that knocks the wind out of me.
 “I’ll see you there!” I tell him and he waves me off as he walks
down the hallway and down the stairs.
He looks back at me one last time and says, “Goodnight Carter!”
And he leaves.
I’m standing there, staring at the empty space he once occupied
and I finally close the door snapping myself out of it. Feeling my heart beat
so rapidly, I feel the adrenaline in my veins and I smile at the thought of
him.
Did he try to kiss me? Or is there something on my face? I’ll go
with the latter, it sounds more realistic.
I smile to the empty dorm and shut off my laptop bringing it
inside my room. I climb into bed and click on the photo of us, just staring at
him; the blond green-eyed guy with his arm around me. In both a protective
and comforting manner.
I’m so close to him. I was so close, I felt his heat radiate from
him. And his smile is to die for. He’s literally owning the all American
dream guy. Those eyes will be burned into my mind. I’m not complaining,
they’re so stunning.
Ugh! Why do I do this to myself?
I sigh to myself and my racing thoughts. I roll over onto my back
and stare up at the ceiling.
Sleep, Carter, sleep.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SEVEN
She Kicked It Real Good, Jackson

Nick
Why the fuck didn’t I kiss her?
Why did Haley and Danielle have to come back at that moment?
Talk about perfect timing. I’m so annoyed at myself for not doing it. Even
when I was leaving, I debated the entire time whether to plant my lips on
hers or not. She looked so perfect, standing there in front of me.
I hear the crickets in the grass. Walking home alone in the dark, I
can’t stop thinking about that moment. She didn’t pull away from me.
That’s a good sign, right?
I groan out into the darkness at how stupid I was to miss an
opportunity like that. I was close, so close. I should’ve just kissed her. I run
my hands down my face pulling at my skin.
“Ughhh! Nick, you idiot!” I moan to myself. My phone keeps
buzzing from people asking me where I am; mainly Maya. I dodged all of
her calls and now she’s taking the hint. Instead of stopping, the texts stream
in.

Maya: Nick? Babe, where are you? You said you were
coming?
Maya: TJ told me you left? Where are you?
Maya: NICK! Answer me!
Maya: Where the hell are you? Just tell me and I can
meet you?
Maya: I swear to god Nick if you don’t answer me I will
go to the house!
Maya: Your an asshole!
 And now I see TJ’s texts.

TJ: Yo! Where did you go? Maya is here at the house
about to smash the window of your car dude!
TJ: okay now she’s threatening to smash my window!
Nick where the hell are you and take this crazy bitch away from me!

Oh shit. I quickly text him.

Me: I’ll be there shortly, try get rid of her!

TJ: Dude! Were you with a girl? She’s throwing a real
bitch fit right now. Like, she’s putting white chicks to shame!!

I chuckle at the last message as I make way up the driveway of

the house. Maya and TJ were standing outside. I could hear her yelling at
him even from down the street. Typical Maya, everything has to be
dramatic with her. She’s always been such a drama queen.
“I know he’s in there, TJ! I’m not stupid!” she yelled right up in
his face. He smirked back at her with his hands out, trying to calm her
down.
“I don’t know about that, Maya, the jury’s still out in that one.”
She starts to hit him when he jokes about her intelligence and I run over to
grab her away from him, gripping her wrists to stop her hitting him any
further; she can throw a punch alright. Her head whips around her shoulder
to look up at me, her mood changing for a second, then back to anger.
“Where the fuck were you!” She wiggles out of my grasp and I let
her. Truth be told, ever since Carter reached across to hold my hand earlier,
all I’ve wanted to feel was Carter’s hand. Maya waits for my answer as I
scan her in the tightest green dress I’ve ever seen. Why does she dress like
that all of the time? It’s like she craves my attention.
“I needed some air.” I shrug, looking over at TJ, who is now
leaning back against our front door. His arms are folded with a smirk on his
face. He’s enjoying it too. I know he is. He quirks an eyebrow at me,
signalling me to carry on.
“So you left? It’s been hours! Where the hell did you even go?”
She closes the gap between us but I step back to keep the distance between
us. Her perfume is overpowering.
“That doesn’t matter. I just wanted some alone time. Can I not
have some time to myself without you hounding me? Jesus, Maya! Chill,
will you? I wasn’t down for the party, alright? I can have some off nights,
you know?” I snap back at her. The fact that she raised her voice at me set
my insides on fire. I’m not alright with her screaming at me. Especially at
this time of night or morning. Her eyes shift back to TJ, who I look over to
too.
He’s now imitating the motion of eating popcorn, relishing in this
fight like always. He’s eats it up when there’s drama but when it’s about
him, he runs for the hills.
“I was just worried . . . Nick, babe—”
“Don’t call me that!” I yell at her, making her step away from me.
She should just go home. She annoys me how much she’s trying claim me.
It will never happen. I don’t see her like that. I never have and I never will.
“You scared me, Nick. I thought you . . . I don’t know what I
thought. I was just annoyed that I didn’t see you. I miss you—I miss us,
Nick. Please give me a chance.” I step back when she steps forward, and I
see the fire ignite in her eyes. “Why won’t you give us a shot?” she grits
out, her eyes hardening.
“Maya, look, I just don’t want a girlfriend. It’s not for me. You of
all people should know this, how important football and this scholarship is
to me.” I try to reason with her. It’s the best excuse I can give. I can’t think
of anything else to say to her, but her eyes are burning through my skull at
this point.
This girl is on some sort of mission to make us a couple, to which
I will never agree to. Relationships aren’t my thing. I’ve never had a
girlfriend. I don’t like to stick to the one girl if I have options thrown at me
from every angle. Who would want to give that up? Not me anyway.
“You really are a dickhead, Nick!” She storms off into the
darkness and I watch her retreating figure. She kicks my car with force and
determination behind it, setting the alarm off in the process. I sigh and look
back at TJ, who is silently chuckling at me. I walk around to see the
damage; she made a pretty deep dent on the passenger door. She clearly
used her heel. I use my set of keys to switch the alarm off before we get into
trouble with neighbors.
 “Ohh-huhuhu! She kicked it real good, Jackson!” TJ admires the
stamp she made in the sheet metal. I turn around, stand up, and punch him
hard in his arm.
“You could’ve helped me, TJ. Instead, you stood there eating your
imaginary popcorn with your imaginary friends. Idiot!” I sigh at the dent.
It’s small but I want it fixed. My car is my one and only baby. This night
went from bad to good and now back to bad. A rollercoaster is the only way
to describe it.
“Where’s the fun in helping you. I was thoroughly entertained by
you two!” I hate when this side of TJ is out. He can be such a dick
sometimes. It’s more prominent when he’s wasted. “I was actually going to
ask where you were, but I already know . . . How was Carter?” Hearing the
smug tone, I turn to glare at him and run at him while he runs away,
laughing down the street.
“Dude! Chill! Nick!” He continues to laugh and I join in. Smiling
at my best friend as I chase after him. I can’t contain my grin. He’s faster
than I am; he’s a running back for a reason, I just don’t give up.
“Nick! Come on, man!” he said over his shoulder as he continues
to run. I finally catch up with him because we’re losing our energy.
Grabbing his shoulders, I put him in a headlock while he laughs
uncontrollably, tapping my arms for me to release him. “She must’ve been
good if you’re not saying anythi—” I tighten my arm around his neck and
he laughs once more. “Alright, alright! I’m kidding man! I’m kidding!” I
release him and he rubs the shaft of his neck. He smiles over at me and I
return it.
“Why did you go over?” he asks as we start to walk back to the
house. We’re both walking in the middle of the street, not caring if there is a
car coming. There’s nobody around.
“I went over to apologize to her.”
“For calling her ugly?”
“TJ! I didn’t call her ugly. She’s not ugly, she got my words all
wrong.” I turn to him with a knowing look.
“You’re right, she’s hot! OW!” I punch him once more in the arm.
He doesn’t get to call her that, even though I agree.
“Shut up TJ!” I roll my eyes while he nudges my shoulder with
his own.
 She looked so pretty tonight. Even with an oversized hoodie and
yoga pants, with her glasses covering half of her face. The way she smiled
and nodded her head, hanging on to every world I said. How she bit on the
end of the pen when she was thinking about something. And her voice—her
soft angelic voice that I could listen to all day.
I get smacked on the back of the head to snap me out of my
thoughts. I glare at TJ again and crease my brows in annoyance at him.
“What the fuck was that for?” I ask, raising my hand to rub the spot where
the hit connected.
“You weren’t listening to me. I’m needy, Nick!” He bats his
eyelashes at me dramatically, pretending to be a girl. “As I was saying, was
she pissed? Or am I good to go over tomorrow and apologize too?” I shake
my head at him, indicating he’s in the clear.
“Nah, she wasn’t pissed. She accepted my apology instantly.
There was no drama about it. It was simple. She’s easy to talk to . . .” I
shrug toward the end, thinking about her shyness toward me tonight. After
those few hours, she started to come out of her shell a tiny bit, and I
couldn’t help but admire her. When she spoke, I listened. I could listen to
her forever.
“Uh-huh!” He smiles over at me once more. We make our way
into the house. Shutting the door behind us, we make our way to my room.
He sits on the chair at my study desk and twists himself around.
“Did Haley get herself into any trouble while I wasn’t there?” I
ask him, stripping off my shirt and he does the same. I throw it in my
laundry basket beside my door and sit on my bed.
“Nah, she was good. Kinda?”
“Kinda? What do you mean kinda?” I raise an eyebrow at him,
asking him to explain further.
“Well, she was real snappy with Maya but I expected nothing less
from her to be honest.” He shrugs, spinning himself around until he’s dizzy.
I’m not carrying him into bed.
“TJ, stop doing that; you’ll get dizzy when you’re already wasted,
so that’ll make you extra annoying.” I laugh, leaning on my elbows and
looking over at him.
“Awww, I love you too, bro! . . . Alright, I’m done, tired, and
wasted. I’m out! Bye, man! See you tomorrow morning!” I nod and say
goodbye, and he leaves me alone in my room, stumbling over to his own.
Finally, alone with my thoughts.
I slip into the sheets after I discarded my pants on the floor and let
them gather around my waist. I put my hands under my head as I lay there
and look at the ceiling. Then I remember I have her number and a photo
with her. I grab my phone and click on the photo I took with her. She’s
staring right at the camera with a beaming smile from laughing so hard. I
feel a smile creep onto my face just from the memory. It feels like she’s
staring right at me.
“Try not to have a wet dream about me . . . or Carter!” TJ yells
through the walls at me. His room is across the way from mine while
Ryan’s is next door.
“Fuck off, TJ!” Is the last thing I say before laying back down and
drifting off to sleep, thinking about her before I do and listening to TJ laugh
across the hallway.

* * *

Carter
Feeling a pillow pull me out of my dream, I’m immediately
greeted by my two roommates grinning down at me. I blink to focus my
vision. I rub my eyes to wipe the sleep away.
“Come on! Get dressed! We’re going out for food, and TJ is
bringing us. We’re meeting him at the house.” Haley jumps on me with
excitement written all over her face. I smile at her and Danielle lying in my
bed with me. I throw the covers back and take a quick shower, leaving my
hair wet and changing into shorts and a long sleeve top. I see they’re still
lying on my bed, glued to their phones.
“Ready?” I ask them. They hop onto the ground and we all leave
out the door. As we’re walking, they fill me in on what happened last night;
about TJ and Haley flirting like crazy and that Haley was snapping at Maya
for asking where Nick was the entire night.
I smile as I remember what happened last night when he came to
the door. He was the last person I expected to be at the door. Once we reach
the guys’ house, I can see it’s kept quite nicely even for a guy’s house. The
lawn had been cut, the white paint was still intact on the sides of the house
with ivy lacing up the sides, and the amount of cars owned by the guys
surrounded the place.
Haley rings the doorbell twice and we hear movement inside the
house. But we’re still waiting for someone to answer. Haley rings it again
and we see a body making its way toward us through the frozen panes. The
door swings open and we all see TJ standing there in his boxers, with
nothing else on. All of our mouths hang open, staring at his abs. Freezing at
the sight of him at the door there is nothing but silence between the four of
us. Nothing. We’re barely breathing at this point.
Wow. Go Haley! I mentally high-five her and we hear a laugh.
“Eyes up here, ladies.” He points to his face and we all follow,
blushing at him. He steps to the side to allow us in. “Just going to get
dressed, then we can head out?” He winks at Haley, who grins. I see her
cheeks flame up. We all watch him leave and another door opens opposite
the one TJ is about to walk in to.
“Nice butt,” Danielle whispers to us.
Nick—in all his naked glory. Well, he’s in his boxers. A very
defined six pack and that V line to go along with it is visible. He’s sporting
bed hair, and his boxers couldn’t be any tighter, emphasizing his little friend
down low. I feel myself blush at the thought that I was even looking there.
Now I see why the girls on campus are obsessed with him.
He’s so sexy. Good God, help me!
He has broad shoulders and incredible muscles that emphasize
how much gym work he does; even his legs are toned. His body is in such
good shape and in proportion.
Once he closes the door, he sees us. Well, only me. I bite on my
lip. I look away instantly after being caught checking him out. I glance back
at him, and I can see his eyes roaming over me. Why is he looking at me?
Making eye contact with each other, we both look away. I see TJ smirking
at both of us. I turn on my heel to stand beside Danielle, who is propped up
against the wall, eyeing both boys up.
“You want to come with me and the girls for food? I need the
soakage.” TJ slaps his skin, making me look up again. I can see both boys
displaying their ripped bodies. I see him nod and roll his eyes at his best
friend leaning back against his door. Once they leave for showers, Haley
spins around on her heel to face both of us.
“Okay, so, I see TJ like that all of the time but my reaction never
changes. He looked so hot, oh my God!” she whines, rubbing her temples.
“Both of them looked so hot!” Danielle groans loudly.
“Eww! Danielle, that’s my brother! Don’t ruin the moment.”
Haley bangs her head against the wall twice while I laugh, knowing how
she feels. I get that a lot from girls about my brothers.
“Speaking of brothers! Carter! You never told me you’re a
fucking Steel! Your brothers are like the hottest NFL players at the
moment!” Haley’s head whips around and I cover her mouth. She stares at
me, dumbfounded as to why I did that.
“Please Haley, not here,” I tell her as I look around, and she
simply nods in reply.
“Later?” she asks me while I nod and glare at Danielle, who
shoots her hands up in defense.
“Wasn’t me. She saw your family photos in your room when we
woke you up this morning. She figured it out herself. She actually knew
who your family were . . .” It looks like Danielle is telling the truth.
“I knew I recognized your mom from somewhere . . . Of course, I
know who her family are! They’re the biggest influence in the NF—” TJ
struts out, fully clothed, interrupting Haley.
“Ready?” We all nod, and I send Haley a pleading look not to
bring it up. She nods, wrapping an arm around me. She whispers, “We can
talk later.” Watching Nick make his way over to us behind TJ, he saw Haley
saying something and sends us a quizzical look. I ignore it while Haley
hugs her brother as a greeting.
We all slide into the car, the three of us in the back and the boys
up front. I listen to the chatter of the others while I stay silent in the back.
I’m not much of a talker anyway. I’m silently panicking about Haley
finding out about me. I hope she doesn’t tell anyone. I don’t need people to
try be friends with me because of my name. I don’t want to lose either of
these girls as friends.
I look beside me when I hear Haley laugh. I then avert my eyes
and glance at the rearview mirror. I double take when I see Nick already
looking at me. He sends me a small smile to which I return. I look back out
the window as we pass by a gas station and numerous quaint houses. A
family car drives by us, and I get a small wave from a little boy looking out
the window. I wave back to him, laughing with excitement in his face that I
paid some attention to him.
“Ugh! He’s so cute!” Haley’s waves at him too.
I agree. This kid is adorable. As the car drives on, I lean my head
against the window, trying to figure out where we’re going. I still don’t
know my way around here yet. I’ve never driven here. I get my car in a few
days. It’s being transported from New York at the moment.
I feel the car come to a stop, bringing my attention back to the
present. I slip out of the car and TJ takes hold of my arm.
“You guys grab us a seat. I just want to talk to Carter real quick.”
He nods ahead at the doors for them to carry on. They do as they’re told and
they all look back toward us for a second before opening the doors.
“Um, I owe you an apology, Carter—”
“It’s fine, TJ. Honestly, I overreacted and I shouldn’t have.” He
takes hold of my shoulder, shaking it a bit to stop me from talking.
“Carter, you had every right to react like that. I asked if you were
pregnant . . . in public . . . in a hallway crammed full of people. I know I
have no filter but I really didn’t mean it. I just started to worry about why
you were nauseous. Being in college, that’s all you hear from girls. ‘I forgot
to take my pill, my period’s late, I feel sick . . .’ et cetera.” I start to laugh at
his girly voice he’s trying to pull off. I see him smile down at me, and I
smile back.
“TJ, honestly, it’s fine. I get where you’re coming from. But I’m
not that type of girl . . . according to Nick.” I poke fun at myself about the
whole thing, seeing his grin form widely on his face.
“Yeah, well, I suppose idiots stay together, don’t they. But I am
sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Can you pretty please with a cherry on top
forgive me?” He clasps his hands like a child, batting his long eyelashes at
me. I nod and laugh while I hold on to my sides.
“I forgive you, TJ. I never held a grudge against you, anyway,” I
say through my laughter.
“Good! So, can I get a hug to seal the deal? You can’t back out of
it then! Also, my hugs are the best!” I quirk an eyebrow at him, trying to
figure out if he’s serious or not. Sure enough, both his arms wrap around
me, pulling me closer to his body until we’re pressed together.
After a few moments, we pull away and begin to walk towards the
double doors and into the diner. All three of them are staring at us with
shocked expressions. I sit in the seat next to Haley and opposite to Nick
while TJ sits on the other side of me.
Looking up, I see Nick and his creased brows. They soften as
soon as I make eye contact with him. Then he darts his eyes to his best
friend, who is oblivious to his stare.
“Y’all ready to order?” An older woman comes up beside me,
resting her hand on the back of my chair casually like she’s done this all
before. Seeing people nod in silence, I feel like everyone’s on edge right
now. But why?
We all place our orders and Danielle is the first to speak up,
cutting the awkward silence.
“What were you two taking about?” she asks, casually sipping on
her orange juice. I wait for TJ to answer but he’s looking at me instead.
“He apologized for the other day. All is forgiven. I’m over it.” I sit
back on my chair. Why is everyone making a big deal out of it? Watching
Haley think about what I said, she sighs in relief. But Nick is the only one
still on edge from it.
We start talking to each other at the table; except for Nick, he’s
just sitting there watching all of us closely. We hear a throat being cleared
and we look up to see a tall skinny brunette standing over Nick, smiling
down at him. She’s so pretty, I think to myself. Her bright pink top is a little
too low and her shorts are a little too short. Stop judging her, Carter, she
could be a really nice girl.
I get a nudge from Haley to look away and stop staring, so I do.
“Hi there! I’m Amy, I just wanted to come over and introduce
myself. I see you around campus a lot and I come to your games.” His eyes
reach hers when I subtly turn back to face them.
“Nick.” He points to himself. But he knows she knows who he is.
“I know.” She laughs a little before looking around our table. “I
was wondering if you were free this Friday?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not free for Friday, sorry . . .” He’s
sweet to her and I feel my stomach turn as I’m watching this. She looks to
be more his type. Skinny, luscious long brown hair, perfect face, and clothes
that hug her figure in all the right places. I look over to Danielle, who is
glued to the entire situation.
“Okay . . . well, here! Take my number, call me anytime.” She
bends over to scribble down her number on his napkin, her breasts spilling
out of her top as she bends down. As she’s writes it down, she looks over at
him and sends him a smile with those inviting eyes. He starts to rub his
temple and stares at the napkin in front of him.
She finally leaves us after countless minutes of flirting with Nick.
The entire time, I felt my lungs being restricted with air. I excuse myself to
go to the restroom after I’ve eaten my breakfast. I will take the rest home as
I didn’t eat much. I slap my face with water and dab it dry. Once I’m ready
to leave, I pull the door back and walk into a tall guy. He turns around to
face me. It’s Nick.
“Sorry! I didn’t see you there.” I touch his arm, making him stare
at it. I quickly retrieve it, feeling like I shouldn’t have touched him.
“It’s fine,” he replies with a shrug. I go to walk around him but he
steps the same side. I step to the other and he follows me. I stay planted and
so does he. Is this a game? I see him staring down at me with a creased
brow.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, scared of what he’ll say.
“Not really, no,” he says in a low tone.
“Why, what’s wrong?” I ask him, worried that something has
happened. His brows, and also his face, relax into a small smile. He was
messing with me.
“I didn’t get a hug.” I roll my eyes at him making me worry that
something was seriously wrong or I did something to annoy him. “So, do I
get one?” I laugh shaking my head at him. “No? Why not? TJ got one.” he
moans at me.
“I mean, yes, you can have a hug if you want? I didn’t know it
was bothering you.” I laugh at him and he steps over to me with open arms.
I allow him to wrap me up in a hug and I feel his muscles protect me; the
smell of his cologne lightly kisses my nose and feel the softness of the
material on my cheek. I wrap my arm around his waist hugging him back.
He pulls me tighter to his body, to my surprise, and I feel myself pulling
back before I overthink this. Stepping away from him, I immediately miss
his touch.
“Happy?” I shyly ask him. He nods his head rapidly with a huge
smile on his face.
“Very. I know TJ told you he gives the best hugs but that’s not
true. I do.” He walks back out with me to everyone else. I laugh at him and
slide into my seat next to TJ.
“What took you guys so long?” Haley groaned, wanting to go and
lay down in her bed. She’s badly hungover and the food isn’t sitting well in
her stomach.
“I wanted my hug. If TJ got one, I want one.” He smirked at his
sister who looks heavenward.
“Whatever, can we go now? I want to crawl back into my safe
zone! Also, I think I should get shotgun, because I might puke!” We all
stand up and saunter over to the car. I get thrown in the middle between
Nick and Danielle, who is staring out of the window. I rub my eyes and
yawn while covering my mouth.
“Tired?” Nick asks me. I nod and just stare back at him. His
shoulder brushes against mine at every bump, turn, and stop. But it’s his leg
that is burning my skin. His entire leg is touching mine, and he moves it
closer so there’s more pressure on it. I don’t move. I don’t want to. “You
can sleep on my shoulder if you want?” Seeing his eyes pierce through me,
I feel a small pulse in my body shocking me a little.
“Oh no, it’s fine. I—”
“I honestly don’t mind. Haley and Ellie does it all the time.”
Ellie? Who’s Ellie? I feel something in my stomach that I’m not liking. “My
other sister, she’s five.” My eyes light up at the fact they have a little sister.
I love kids. I turn into such a big kid when I’m with them.
“You have another sister?”
“Yeah? Did Haley not tell you?” I shake my head at him. Maybe
she did mention it but I wasn’t paying attention? Or maybe she never
mentioned it? “Here, look I’ll show you.” He whips out his phone and
scrolls through some pictures. I see nothing but naked girls posing for him
on his phone and immediately look away. “Shit! Sorry, I keep meaning to
delete them.” I hear him mumble curse words under his breath as I look
straight ahead.
 I take his hand to stop him and I say, “Maybe you can show me
another time.” When he looks at me, I turn away instantly with a fake smile.
The ride back was silent, as I predicted, and equally just as awkward. I just
sat there thinking about how many naked girls’ pictures he had on his
phone. He’s that type of guy. He’s the type that gets sent naked picture after
naked picture. But worst of all, he keeps them. He actually keeps them.
Later in the hour, TJ pulls up to our dorm building. Haley
successfully didn’t puke in the car. Nick steps out of the car to let me out
before Danielle, so I instinctively hop out his side. Before I did, I say bye to
TJ. I step outside and mumble “Bye” to him before I walk around the back
of the car to get inside. I follow behind Haley and Danielle as they trudge
up the steps of the building. I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to.
Instead, I see their reflection looking at us in the window of the
doors. Nick’s in particular. He is staring at my back, rubbing his hands
down his face as he talks to TJ. He is very animated, by the looks of it.
Once they drive off, I walk inside the building and hop in the elevators with
the two girls. We see where the annoying drilling is coming from. It
happens from nine in the morning everyday. One of the rooms is getting
renovated. It looks like the offices for the accommodation staff.
Either way, it’s making me sleep deprived.
Once we make it back to our room, we all lay on my bed and
mindlessly watch the TV, allowing some to give in to sleep. We’re watching
a very old episode of “The Hills” on MTV. We talk about my family as I fill
Haley in on it, pleading for her to not tell anyone. She’s skeptical at first
about not telling her brother. I get that, but I will tell him. Sometime.
Maybe not. Maybe I can get away with not telling him?
Either way, the odds are not in my favor. It’s not something I like
telling people—football fans and players in particular.
This is something that is best kept quiet.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER EIGHT
And What’s The Opposite of Ugly

Nick
I’m such an idiot.
It’s the day before the gala and it has only just now hit me. I’m a
total fucking idiot.
I keep messing it up with her. She hasn’t said a word to me since
Saturday. I’ve seen her when I went over to see Haley. Secretly, I go over to
see her but all I’m getting is the silent treatment. She doesn’t even look at
me. Yes, it bothers me. Yes, I’m annoyed at myself. I was so stupid. Why
didn’t I delete those pictures? I don’t even look at them anymore. I’m
sitting at my desk, trying to study, but it’s not going well at all.
Buzz. Buzz.
I jump across my room, praying it’s her. I frown when I see
Haley’s name on the screen. But the message has her name in it.

Haley: Will you drop Carter off to collect her car?

Pleeeease

I chuckle at my sister trying to beg me. But I will one hundred

percent do it for her in a heartbeat.

Me: sure be there in 5

I grab my hat and leave out the door. TJ is in the gym at the
moment so hopefully it’ll be just me and her. I start up my truck as soon as
I’m inside and back out of the parking space. Within a few of minutes, I’m
outside their dorm building. I climb out to go and get her. I wait for the
elevator and press the floor they’re on. I notice the stares I’m getting from
the girls in the lobby of the building. I do my best to ignore them and
continue towards their room. Walking up to the brown door, I knock and see
Danielle answer the door with a beaming smile, then I hear yelling.
“Come on Carter! Do you want your car or not?” Haley taps her
foot as Carter runs around the room collecting some papers and her drivers
license.
“Haley, I asked you not to. I’m perfectly happy with taking the
bus—”
“Which will take over an hour!” My sister raises her hands at
Carter, who is still collecting things to put in her bag.
“An hour that I would happily do! Haley, I appreciate the gesture
but I’m fine. I don’t need a chauffeur . . .” she trails off as she turns to me.
“Sorry for bringing you out here, but I can take the bus.” She walks by me
and leaves down the stairs. It’s the first time she’s made eye contact with
me since Saturday. I see Haley going to follow her out and I stop her.
“Let me handle this.” I push her and Danielle back inside the
room as I race down after the blue-eyed beauty I’ve been dying to talk to all
week. “Carter!” I yell down to her. “Carter! Wait up!” I run faster down the
stairs as I near her and grab on to her arm spinning her around.
“I can take the bus. It’s fine.” She slips out of my grip and
continues her way out the door, only for me to block her and get her to look
up at me.
“Will you just wait? I can take you. It’s no problem—” She
doesn’t let me finish because she makes her way around me and leaves
again. What is her problem? “Carter! Wait! Wait! What’s up? Is there
something wrong?” I place my hands on both of her shoulders to stop her
from walking away from me again.
“Nope, I’m fine. I’m going to miss the bus if I don’t leave now.
So, if you don’t mind . . .” She’s not even looking at me. She’s looking
behind and everywhere else but me. Once again, she goes to leave me but I
intertwine my fingers with hers, pulling her back to me. Her small body
crashes into mine and I hold on to her. She feels so good. The way she
smells is like a drug to me.
“Carter, I’m taking you to get your car. End of story. I’m not
arguing with you about this. I don’t want to, but I will if I have to,” I state
matter of factly. Why won’t she let me take her?
 “No . . . I’m taking the bus, Nick. I think your girlfriend is looking
for you . . . or is that your girlfriend?” She’s sassy today. This is a side of
her I haven’t seen before. What is wrong with her? But I do turn around to
see Maya standing with her friends and glaring at the both of us. I mentally
curse at myself and run after Carter. Damn, is she stubborn, but I deserved
that dig she threw.
“Carter, I don’t take no for an answer . . . Just get in. If you’re
annoyed at me, I get it. I’ll drive you there and leave you alone,” I assure
her. She silently debates inside her head about what to do. She actually
wants me to leave her alone? I feel a small twinge in my stomach at the
thought of that. Shit, I really did fuck up. I can see that she is annoyed at
me.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
She then continues to walk away from me yet again, and I sigh
and walk alongside her. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re stubborn as
hell?” I mumble to her.
“All the time.” She picks up her pace like she’s trying to run away
from me. I lock my car behind me and keep up with her. “Where are you
going?” she asks me, almost jogging to the bus stop.
“What does it look like? I’m coming with you!” I say in the most
obvious tone.
“No, you’re not. I don’t need a babysitter, Nick. I’m capable of
getting on a bus myself.” I hear the anger in her voice, and I want nothing
more than to hug her. So I do. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight
when we reach the bus stop. We’re waiting for the bus to come and I hold
on to her.
“Um . . .What are you doing?” she mumbles into my shirt. I look
down to see her already staring up at me.
“I’m hugging you. You look like you need one.” I smile down at
her which makes her laugh. She shakes her head and tries to step away from
me but I don’t let her; I tighten my grip around her and the bus comes. I
begrudgingly let go of her and pay for both our fares on the bus. We get
seats together and I lean my head against the window, studying her. She’s
watching other people while I’m watching her. I can see she’s stressed
about something but what is it specifically? She’s annoyed, I’m just not sure
if it’s about me and those photos that I have since then deleted; every last
one of them. I cringed going through them as I deleted them. What was I
thinking?
While thinking to myself, I smile, but it looks like I’m smiling at
her. I take out my phone and open my photos to find a picture of me and my
sister Ellie. I hand my phone over to her and say, “That’s Ellie. She’s five.”
I point on the screen and see her face light up. It makes me smile at her.
“She’s adorable. She looks like you and Haley.” I nod back at her
in agreement. She does. We all look like our mom, blonde hair and green
eyes. Mine have always been the brightest. My mom is convinced that’s the
reason why I get girls. I roll my eyes at my thoughts. “You all have the
same eyes,” she says like she’s read my mind.
“Yeah, we get it from our mom. I have the lightest ones though.” I
point to myself, making her look up at me. My breath catches in my throat
at the sight of her catching my stare.
Watching her nod and smile, she says, “You do.” I smile back at
her. We’re staring at each other until she breaks eye contact clearing her
throat. I clench my jaw hard, realising she felt awkward.
“You got any brothers or sisters?” I see her tense hard at my
question. It must be a touchy subject. But to my surprise she answers.
“Yeah, I have . . . um . . . two older brothers.” Shit! There’s
nothing scarier than two older brothers. I hear her start to laugh and then I
realized I must’ve said it out loud. I mentally slap myself.
“Maybe three older brothers?” She jokes making me laugh along
with her. She has a good sense of humour. I like that in a girl.
Hold on! What? No! No! Back up! You can’t like her, Nick.
“Do they play football? Is that why you like it? Because I know
Haley only watches it for me and the, to quote her, ‘hot guys on the field.’ ”
That makes her laugh once more. The sound of her sweet laugh is doing
something to my stomach. I’ve missed her smile the most, though. I groan
at that thought. I’m turning into such a girl.
“Um . . . Yeah, kinda, but only the first part. I don’t go to look at
‘hot guys on the field.’ ” She uses her fingers to quote my sister. I see her
blush a little and look away from me. I could tease her about it, but I feel
like we’re not that close yet. Maybe some other time. “I’m not that type,”
she mumbles down to her fingers.
“What type is that?” I ask curiously. I want to know more about
her. She’s so interesting even when I don’t know much about her.
Everything she says intrigues me.
“The girly type. Don’t get my wrong, I like guys, I just don’t go
out of my way to get them to notice me. Because they don’t. I’ve never
been that girl you know?” She looks at me. I can’t believe this is coming
out of her mouth.
“Um . . . Carter?”
“Yeah?”
“You are that girl, you’re the girl everyone notices.” She shakes
her head and laughs at what she thinks is a joke. She really doesn’t see it.
She’s gorgeous and she doesn’t even realize it. That makes her even hotter.
Damn, this girl!
“I’m not that girl, Nick. Trust me—”
“Trust me, you are. The night of the party, you had everyone’s
attention as soon as you walked through that door. You just don’t realize it.”
Shit! I just indirectly told her she had my attention. I watch her face fall
from that perfect smile. What did I say now?
“Please don’t bring that up . . .” Her quiet tone catches me off
guard. Thinking about what I said, I then realize. Stevens.
“I’m sorry, Carter. I wasn’t thinking . . .”
“It’s fine, I’d rather just forget about that night to be honest.” I
really want to know what happened so I blurt out the question.
“What happened?” Her eyes once again meet mine with sadness
in them. I can now see why she doesn’t want to talk about it. The look on
her face says it all. When I see Stevens, he’s going to regret even looking at
her like that. I will rearrange the shit out of his face.
“I got pulled upstairs when I spilt his drink on him . . . I offered to
help clean him up in the kitchen but he decided upstairs was closer. I let
him take me up, not knowing what was going to happen. He opened the
door, that I thought was locked, and then closed it. I was backed up against
the wall . . . and then he pressed himself up on me. He started to comment
on how I looked and then kissed my neck.” Watching her touch her neck
subconsciously tells me that she can remember every detail. With every
word she speaks, I get angrier and angrier. “He wouldn’t stop and I froze. I
couldn’t move myself away from him or say anything. I just stood there. If
it wasn’t for TJ, he would’ve done whatever he wanted to me. I literally
couldn’t move myself. It was like I was mute and made of stone . . .” I
reach my hand around the back of hers and pull her once again toward me. I
stroke her arm up and down as a sign of comfort. I want her to feel
comfortable with me. I want her to talk to me, with me. I want to know her.
Boy, is Stevens going to crap himself at the sight of me.
“It’s alright, he won’t go near you again. Trust me on that,” I
assure her to put peace in her mind. He won’t. If he does, I will literally
beat him into a coma if I have to.
Stepping off at the next stop, we walk down the street to get to the
car dealership. Seeing “Mercedes” written on the front, I look over to her
blushing back at me. “You sure this is it?” I quirk an eyebrow at her before
looking back up in front of me.
“Uh . . . yeah. This is it.” She smiles awkwardly before she looks
away. She walks in front of me and we enter the dealership. She tells me to
wait by a vintage car in display while she asks someone for help. I do as
I’m told, but I can’t help but feel there’s something she’s not fully telling
me.

* * *

Carter
I walk away from Nick, who is standing around and looking at the
different cars on display in the showroom. I see a young sales woman
immediately walk over to him. He’ll be fine, I think to myself. I walk over
to the young man standing behind a desk clicking on his computer. His eyes
immediately reach mine and he sends me a genuine smile.
“Hi there! Can I help you?” His husky voice stops me in my
tracks for a moment. Damn, that’s a good voice.
“H-Hi, um . . . yeah, I’m here to collect my car. I have my
insurance documents and registration. I also have my drivers licence too.”
He takes my documents and scans over them quickly. I don’t know what
he’s looking for.
 “Well, Miss Steel, your father called this morning to say you’ll be
collecting the car from us. I’ll call one of our guys around back to drive it
up front for you to take, but first, I need you to sign this for me . . . Also,
here’s my card if you have any problems or questions.” He slips his newly
printed matte gray card across the desk for me to take. I grab it and slip it
into my bag, thanking him. He walks around the desk and I bend down to
sign the piece of paper. That’s when I jump when I hear Nick behind me.
“Hey! Eyes on me buddy!” I see him obviously staring at the guy
beside me. I roll my eyes and hand the guy’s pen back. Hearing the guy
chuckle as I do, he winks at me and I widen my eyes back at him. He
reaches over to his desk phone to call one of his guys to bring my car
around front. “They’ll bring it around for you now Miss St-”
“Okay, thank you! Bye!” I get there before he finishes my last
name. I’m not ready to tell Nick yet. Or maybe ever. I walk away with Nick
trailing behind me and we stand out front with the guy, who I didn’t think
would follow us out too. I see my baby—my matte black Mercedes G7
wagon—pull up around the corner and cruise over to us with ease. I smile at
the sight of her. Once it stops beside me, I grin like the Cheshire Cat from
Alice in Wonderland. Basically, I’m pretty sure I look like an idiot.
“THAT’S your car? Holy shit!” Nick smiles at her in awe as well.
I tap my hand on the bonnet and smooth it across the paint job.
“Yep, this is her. My baby, Roxy.” I watch him admire her with a
twinkle in his eye.
“Woah . . . nice car, Carter! Oh ho ho! TJ is going to die when he
sees this! She’s a beaut!” An employee climbs out of the car to hand over
my keys to the sales man I was talking to earlier. He scans the code on the
keychain and registers it as picked up. He walks over to hand them to me
and I take them graciously from him. I’ve missed my baby. He winks at me
once more and walks me to my side of the car where I can get in.
“Get in!” I tell Nick, who is only too delighted to abide by my
request. He slips himself inside, checking out the interior like it’s one of the
many girls he has on his phone. I clench my jaw at my own thought.
“If you need any other assistance, don’t hesitate to call me. You
have my number. Your family is one of our best clients, we will look after
you—”
 “Thank you, I will, if I need it.” I cut him off before he gets any
other chance to say my name again. He taps my door and waves me off with
a boyish grin. I return it with a blush. He’s kind of cute but he’s just being
nice. Before I start up the engine, I see Nick sitting there with a huge grin
on his face like a kid in a candy store. He looks so cute when he smiles like
—No! Carter stop thinking like that!
I reach over to turn my car on and the music, amped up to the
highest level, blasts us without any warning. I scream and so does Nick. I
use the dial to quickly turn it down to a reasonable level.
“What the fuck?” Nick yells over to the radio that was on full
blast. That was definitely my brothers. They like to play stupid pranks on
me. I hate when they do that.
“I’m going to kill them both!” I shout with a laugh, trying to be
annoyed at them, but I can’t. I have to say, it was a pretty good one. But I
probably damaged my ears as well as Nick’s.
“What? Did someone turn the dial up to full blast on purpose?” I
nod and he shakes his head, wondering why anyone would want to do that.
“My brothers. They’ve always played some sort of prank on me.
That, was one of them. Assholes,” I mumble the last part to myself but I see
his grin form, knowing he heard me.
“Jesus, well, I would like to keep my hearing until the tender age
of eighty five at least. So if you don’t mind telling them to not do that when
I’m in the car.” I giggle at him and start to drive off out of the dealership.
We’re driving down the street and I can see him admiring my car on the
inside in pure amazement.
“How rich are you?” he asks jokingly as he peers over at me. I
laugh back while continuing to drive back to drop him off at the guys’
house.
“I’m not rich . . . my parents are rich,” I tell him only for him to
laugh at me.
“That’s something a rich person would say!” he replies, making
me laugh once more as we pass the small houses, gas stations, and fields
that stretch out into the horizon. The greenery and the burnt yellow grass
reminds me of when I was young. My brothers, cousins, and I used to run
through my grandparents wheat and barley field in the summer when we
would come visit. Hiding in the stalks and creeping up on each other to
scare one another silly. My stomach begins to rumble, pulling me out of the
memory.
“Hungry?” Nick asks in a teasing tone.
“I forgot to grab something on the way out . . .” I say, keeping my
eyes planted on the road in front of me.
“We can stop if you want? I’m pretty hungry too. I know a great
place that does the best breakfast. Turn right up here.” I turn at the traffic
lights and listen to the directions he gives me. Once we reach there, I see a
small diner that looks like it’s been around since the fifties. I always loved
those type of diners. Once I park the car, we hop out simultaneously and I
lock the doors behind us.
We reach the doors and he holds it open for me. “Thank you,” I
thank him shyly as I walk through.
“Nicholas Aiden Jackson! Is that you, sweetheart?!?” I see a small
brunette run over toward him to wrap him in a hug. Then I hear a high-
pitched scream over by the register.
“Oh! My! God! NICK!” Another small brunette runs behind the
other girl to wrap herself around him too, all while I stand there awkwardly
watching this entire thing happen.
“Well, aren’t you all grown now! Come in!” I hear the southern
accent more now that she has pulled back from him. “Still handsome as
ever, I see!” she teases him, making him blush slightly and I smile at her for
embarrassing him. Then her eyes and the other girl’s eyes focus on on me.
Seeing the playful glint, I gulp down at what is going to be said next.
“Well, who do we have here? Aren’t you a pretty girl! It’s about
time you brought a girl around to meet the family, Nick!” He laughs at her
and I shake my head.
“Oh, n-no! I’m actually Haley’s roommate from college. He was
just helping me today.” I point back over to him standing there staring at
me. Seeing his breathtaking smile, I can’t help the one forming on my own
face.
“Uh huh . . . Looks like it . . .” She rolls her eyes at the both of us.
“Well, I’m his favourite aunt, Rita, and this is my daughter, his cousin,
Taylor . . . and you are?” She holds out her hand for me to shake but
actually turns into a hug once I tell her my name. Then Taylor hugs me tight
too. I guess they’re huggers then?
 After a few minutes, we get seated over by the window and get
given menus. I read, knowing I’ve forgotten my glasses and squint to try
make out any letters on the paper. Next, I see the menu being taken out of
my hands and Nick tells his aunt, “Two of my usuals, Aunt Rita.”
“Comin’ right up, honey!” she shouts over her shoulder as she
walks away to give the order.
I shake my head at Nick and lean forward to ask him, “Is this
going to be a huge meal? I don’t eat that much, even when I’m hungry—”
“Just eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns, and toast . . .”
“JUST? Nick, that could feed the entire country!” He releases a
bellowing laugh that I’ve never heard before. Why does he keep doing
things like this to make him more attractive?
“Haley’s right, you are funny! If you don’t finish it, I will. I could
eat two of them right now, I’m so hungry.” He leans forward once he’s
finished laughing to look over at me. Taylor then puts two fresh lemonades
in front of us, and I sigh with the taste of it. It’s delicious; I love lemonade
in the morning.
He starts the conversation with “So tell me something about you.”
But I don’t know what to tell him.
“What do you want to know?” I ask back and he smiles as he sips
on the lemonade through the straw, and I feel myself staring at his lips.
“Where are you from?” he asks. I’m pretty sure he knows where
I’m from. He’s just probably being polite about it.
“Um, I’m from New York. Well, I was born here but raised in
New York. I was born in the summer and my family would come down here
most summers so . . . yeah . . .” I swirl my straw around in my cup,
allowing the ice to hit the sides. “You’re from here right?” He nods and
leans back.
“Yeah, born and raised here. All of my family are here, both my
mom and dads. My dad’s brother owns this place and he’s married to my
aunt Rita there. They have Gage and Taylor; Gage is a year older than I am
so we’re close, and Taylor is the same age as you and Haley. They’re really
close, practically sisters . . . What’s New York like?”
“Have you ever been there?” I ask him and he shakes his head no,
“I’ve always wanted to though. Maybe when I’ve finished college and start
playing pro . . . hopefully.” I bite my cheek as I remember the last guy who
said that to me. He told me that with full knowledge of who my family
were. Nick, I don’t think he knows or else he would’ve mentioned it by
now.
“You should go! It’s a great place, especially the city. There is
tons of things to do there! It’s a little different from here though. If you ever
go, I can show you around?” I offer him and he bites down on his lower lip,
sending me a swoon worthy smile.
“I’d like that.” He drops his voice lower into a very sexy and
husky voice. I feel my heart beating rapidly from just those three small
words.
“So, is it your goal to go pro in the NFL?” Curiosity got the better
of me. I had to ask. I want to know what he might be like once he knows.
“Yeah, it’s been my goal since I was ten. I’ve always wanted to
play for the Chargers. They’re my team since day one.” I smile as that got
me thinking about my brothers playing for the team. It was their dream to
play for that team too. Now that they’re on the team, they couldn’t be any
happier.
“Will you go back to New York once you’re finished college
here?” he asks me, keeping the conversation going. I like talking to him. It’s
easy with him. I can relax, be myself, and not get judged for it.
“I don’t know where I want to go? I can’t decide between LA and
New York.”
“Go to LA and we can hang out there once I play for the
Chargers,” he jokes with me. Rita comes out to hand us our food. All I
could see is nothing but plates filled with food, and I send Nick a deadpan
look to say are you kidding me? Making him smile, he bites into his bacon
staring at me.
“Seriously though, go to LA and we can be friends; I won’t know
anyone out there . . .” He drenched his pancakes in maple syrup and I wait
for him to finish before I take it from him.
“I don’t think you’ll find it difficult to make any out there . . .”
“What does that mean?” He sounds slightly offended by what I
said. But it’s true. One look at him and all the girls will flock to him in no
time.
“Nothing.”
 “No, no, come on. Tell me.” He slightly raises his voice to say
he’s curious about my answer. I don’t know why he would even bother, he
knows the answer. He’s hot. Every girl he comes into contact with knows it.
That’s why they flirt like crazy with him. The girls love him and the guys
think he’s a god for it.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I laugh nervously at him. His eyebrow quirks
up at me and I roll my eyes at him, laughing once again. He’s really making
me say, it isn’t he.
“Say it . . . I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” He
sips on his drink, staring at me and not moving his eyes away from me. I
don’t know how to get out of this.
“Girls . . .”
“What about them?”
“Nick . . . Come on, you’re smart, put it together yourself.”
“Oh, I have. I just wanted to hear you say it.” He smirks over at
me and I widen my eyes. Is he kidding me? My reaction sends him into a
laughing frenzy. “So you think because I look like this, I’ll have girls
around me all the time in LA?” I nod and he leans back in the seat. “That’s
quite shallow of you . . . and them. What about my amazing personality?”
he teases me again and I giggle back at him. “I have an amazing personality.
My mom says so!” He pouts over the table of food. He’s so cute.
“Look, I could say the same about you, but with guys—” Now it’s
my turn to laugh at him. I completely lose control of myself and cover my
face, laughing into my hands while I hear nothing except for me in the
diner. Once I’m done, I stare over at his questioning face.
Nick says, “I don’t get what you’re laughing about? It’s true.” I
lean my head against the back of the chair and stare up at the ceiling,
releasing a small giggle every now and then, thinking about what he said.
“Carter”—his voice makes me look back down to him—“you’re . . . well,
you’re—”
“Ugly?” I smile over at him, lightening the whole situation
between him and I that happened last week. He shakes his head with a
smile.
“At least you’ve got a sense of humor about it. But no, you’re not
ugly, Carter. Like I said before, you’re the complete opposite of it.” I play
with my fork, wanting to ask what he thinks of me.
 Before it even registered with me, I spoke up, “And what is the
opposite of ugly?” It barely came out. We watch each other as I wait for his
answer. Will I finally know what he thinks of me? Seeing his smile slowly
fade from his face, being replaced by a serious look.
“Gorgeous,” he whispers out. It makes my breath leave my lungs
without permission. My stomach erupts with uncaged butterflies. Did I hear
that right?
“Are y’all done with these plates?” Rita comes back to us but
Nick doesn’t look away from me. He nods to Rita, still looking at me, and
leans back for her to get the plates. I break the staring competition with him
and thank his aunt. When she clears our table, we sit in silence. I honestly
don’t know what to say anymore.
“Why did you want to study to be a physical therapist?” he finally
asks. I’m grateful he did because it turned awkward between us.
I shrug my shoulders. “My aunt is one. I wanted to try it out so I
did some summer placements with her to see if I wanted to do it. Turns out
I did want to do it, so I decided in high school that’s what I was going to be.
I want to help people, what about you?” I ask him. I now know he’s
studying it, but I want to know why? I’m finding out more interesting
things about him.
“My grandfather was a football player. He’s old now, but I
remember one time he couldn’t walk because he was stiff, so we told him to
go to a physical therapist. He didn’t and it got worse until he couldn’t walk
anymore because he was sitting down all the time, so the muscles
deteriorated over time. He only walked to the bedroom and bathroom. We
were told if he had seen a physical therapist sooner, he wouldn’t have had
the problem. So I decided I wanted to become one to help my stubborn
family.” I laugh with him sharing his memory with me.
I’ve never had a conversation like this before. It feels good to
know someone trusts me enough to share something so meaningful to them.
Seeing him smile at the moment to himself, my heart melts for him. He’s so
caring.
“You’re still coming to the game next Saturday, right?” I see
worry etched onto his handsome face. I feel my lips tug upwards, producing
a warm feeling in my stomach. He still wants me to go.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.” I see him smile across the way to me.
 “Good, you can see me play. Seeing as you’re a football fan, easy
on the critical comments.” He smirks over the rim of the plastic cup. I stare
into those big green eyes once more and I feel my heart once again acting
erratically inside my rib cage.
“I promise.” I hold up my hand. We’re interrupted by his phone
buzzing on the table loudly. He produces a lopsided smile while shaking his
head. Lifting it up to his ear, he looks at me with that same smile on his
face.
“Hi, Haley . . .” he says in a monotonous tone. “No, I haven’t
kidnapped her . . . Yes, she’s still alive . . . I’m not that bad am I?” He starts
to laugh again. His sweet, sweet laugh that I could listen to all day. I can’t
help but grow feelings for him. I understand why girls like him so much.
He’s every girl’s dream guy. “Yeah, we’ll be back soon . . . Yeah, I know . .
. Because we took the bus together to get here . . . Chill, woman! Jeez, we
just stopped for a bite to eat . . . Yep! Yeah, she’s here, hang on a sec . . .
TAYLOR!” he calls out for his cousin.
“NICK!” she calls back with a smile plastered on her face as she
comes into view.
“Haley wants to talk with you.” He waves his phone in her face
and she snatches it off him greedily.
“HALEY!!! How’s college? Any cute guys? I’ve just met your
roommate . . .” She walks off while talking to Haley as I watch her frame
leave us.
“Those two are inseparable.” He shakes his head while he watches
his younger cousin. “All they do is talk about guys . . .” He rolls his eyes
and brings his attention back to me.
“Well, that’s usually what girls do; talk together about guys . . .”
“And you? Do you talk about guys?” Quizzing me about myself, I
let him down with a shake of my head.
“I’m not used to having friends that stick around long enough, so I
tend to keep it to myself.” I shrug my shoulders to show I don’t care about
it. It used to bother me before, but now it doesn’t anymore.
“Why’s that?” He finishes off the last of his drink and settles it
back down on the red table.
“Usually, girls talk to me to get to my . . . brothers. So I just don’t
bother telling people anything. It’s only disappoints me in the end . . .” This
is the first time I’ve spoken about this to anyone. I haven’t even said this to
Danielle or Haley.
“That’s the same for Haley, girls use her to get to me . . .” I watch
his eyes roam around the diner in thought. “It’s not like I mean to do it to
her, I can tell she gets upset by it. But that’s on those girls, not her. If they
don’t want to be friends with her, then that’s on them. My sister is one of
the most kindhearted people I know. She’d stick up for anyone, and in the
end, I’m the only one who sticks up for her. I have TJ and she’s had nobody,
well, until she met you and Danielle. She may have TJ too, but it’s not the
same you know?” I nod, recognizing that she has nobody. I completely get
it. I’m in that same boat.
Taylor comes back and returns his phone. She slides in next to
him and lays her head on his shoulder in a comforting way. He looks down
at her and I smile at the both of them. Once she makes eye contact with me,
she asks, “How long have you two been dating?” I feel my eyes grow the
size of saucers at her question and Nick clears his throat from the
awkwardness that sits on the table in front of us.
“Um, we’re . . . Taylor, we’re not dating.” Her head springs up
away from him and smirks, leaning back to look at us both.
“Bullshit! You guys are totally dating!” Her eyes dart back and
forth between us, and we both shake our head to reply. We see her cheeks
flush a deep red. Both eyes widen with realization that we aren’t a thing.
Why on earth would he date me? “Shit! I’m sorry . . . I just thought that—”
“It’s fine. Honestly,” I tell her so she can stop her thoughts from
spilling out. This is so awkward. Do we look like we are dating? I wonder
to myself. No, why would some like him even look at someone like me?
“Well, thanks for that, Taylor. We better go before Haley starts to
think that too!” He laughs, and I feel a sudden sting in my body at what he
said. I slide out of the seat quietly and wave at his family before leaving out
the door. I gulp down, remembering what he said. Is he ashamed to be
around me? Do I drop the appeal he gives off to people in half? Am I really
that bad to be around?
We walk back to my car and both of us hop in, allowing the car to
sink nearer to the ground.
“You okay?” Nick’s voice pulls me back to reality. I nod and start
up the car and we head back to his house so I can drop him off. I turn on to
his street and he calls TJ.
“Dude! Are you at home? . . . Yeah! Walk outside! . . . Just do it,
TJ! . . . Jesus, TJ, it’s not that hard! . . . You ope—okay, bye!” He shuts
down the call and we pull up outside while Nick rolls down the window
beside him. TJ’s face is priceless. He’s in complete shock.
“What the fuck! Holy—what?! Carter, this your car? Damn! She’s
a beaut . . . Wow! Let me check out the inside!” TJ leans his head in
through Nick’s window and looks around in awe, much like the expression
Nick was wearing. “Holy fuck! This car is my dream car right now! You’re
one lucky bitch, Carter! Ow! Nick! Jesus!” TJ rubs his shoulder and stares
at his best friend.
“Don’t call her that! Ever! Even when you’re kidding,” Nick’s
defensive manner catches my attention instantly.
“I’m so jealous, you got to ride in this baby, Jackson! Can I ride
with you next time, Carter?” I nod, seeing the smile take over his face. “Can
I hop in and take a pic with you guys?” I laugh at him and so does Nick.
He gets in through the back and hands his phone over to Nick. He
takes a couple of pictures of the three of us for TJ and hands it back. After a
while of them discussing my car, TJ sends Nick the pictures and they post it
up online on their Instagrams. I look to see they have tons of followers. I
deleted mine last year because I didn’t use it much.
They kept begging me to reactivate it so they could tag me in it. I
didn’t know how so they did it all for me. So now I have Instagram again.
Seeing the likes roll in for both guys, I smile at the picture and I decide it’s
time for me to leave so I can get to my class on time. I wave to them as they
stand there and watch me drive off.
I start to giggle at both of them checking my car out.
Boys.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER NINE
I Might Even Kiss You

Carter
The hot steam from the shower opens my pores while I’m shaving
my legs, I’m mentally preparing myself for the killer heels I’m about to slip
on for the night. I sigh and shut my eyes as I allow the razor to skim across
my skin, shaving my legs for the evening. I haven’t shaved in a while but
my mom warned me to look nice for the evening. If I don’t, I will forever
be in her bad books. That’s not something I can handle. My brothers,
maybe. But me? No way.
Propping my leg up on the side of the shower to get a better angle,
I allow the beads of water trickle down my body. I set the water to be really
hot, almost scalding; that’s just how I like it.
I don’t even know what this event is for. All I know is that my dad
is giving a speech on football and coaching and also to help raise money for
the college for sports and academics. He’s doing it because he attended here
too. So did my mom, that’s how they met.
He was the star quarterback for the college and my mom was not
into football at all. He was idolized on campus, according to her, and she
was all he ever saw when they first met, according to him. They fell in love,
and after some months of fighting it, they got married after my mom found
out she was pregnant with Austin. We like to call him “El Accidente,”
which he hates.
Finishing with my right leg, I start with the other.
I think the top people in this college will be here tonight. The
heads of different schools, deans, professors, coaching staff, etcetera. I get
why my brothers are going; they came here too and are now two of the best
players in the NFL. My dad trained them well and from a very young age.
 But I don’t get why I have to go? All I have to do is stand next to
him while he talks to the big guys, who do nothing but send me creepy
smiles and winks. I shudder at the thought.
Sometimes, they even introduce me to their sons who will “take
over the company in the future” as a way of impressing my dad but he can
see right through it. My mom on the other hand, she’s a hopeless romantic
and thinks that the guys I’m introduced to is the right one, every time.
If my dad had his way, I would die a lonely old woman who has
never been seen or touched by any man. My mom wants lots of grandkids,
and she’ll be waiting a while after the conversation that went down last
week. I’d rather not go down that road, not yet anyway.
Finishing my shower, I wrap a towel around my body and another
in my hair as I walk to the living room. I close the door and walk into my
room. I pat my skin dry and apply some moisturizer my brother Chris got
me for Christmas. Hearing my phone buzz while it’s charging, I walk
around my bed and light it up to see who has messaged me.

Kevin: You want to do the therapy assignment together so

we can help each other out? :)

Kevin is the guy I met in one of my classes. He sat next to me and

started talking to me. I sat there completely dumbfounded as to why he was
talking to me. He has bright blond hair making him look borderline
Scandinavian. He has the pretty boy face; he’s really good looking. But I
didn’t understand why he was talking to me. He’s been so nice to me since
that day, he paid for my hot chocolate the day I saw TJ and Nick in the cafe.
Nick.
I couldn’t sleep thanks to him. The entire night, my mind was in
overdrive trying to analyze his words and memorizing his eyes. Those
hunter green irises that are currently haunting me. I sigh as I think about
him, knowing I shouldn’t be.

Me: Sure! I’d like that! I need all the help I can get. :)
Kevin: Perfect, I’ll text you when we can meet up. Talk
soon xx
Me: Cool! See you soon! Xx
 I honestly don’t know why I put two x’s at the end of the message.
I’m not used to texting people, especially people my age. I’m assuming it’s
very normal to do it here.
I release my wild hair from the towel and slip on the dress that my
mom bought me. I fix the straps and look at myself in the mirror. My mom
always had a good fashion sense. I see the dress hugging my figure
perfectly like a glove.
“I love your dress, Carter! You look so pretty! Do you want me to
do your hair and makeup?” I spin around to face the voice that suddenly
appeared, and my face lights up.
“I would love that Haley! I have no idea what I’m doing!” I laugh,
pulling gently at my mess of a hair. I hear her run over to me while
dragging a chair behind her. Placing me in front of the mirror, she wastes no
time to get down to business.
“I love doing hair and makeup! I’m so excited! Can I do whatever
I want or do you have an idea in your head?” she asks my reflection.
I shrug, replying with, “Do whatever you want! I don’t mind as
long as I look somewhat normal!” We giggle and she starts to dry my
hair.Half an hour later, my brown layered hair is bone dry and she starts to
use her hot tools to curl my hair. Then Danielle joins us and lays on my bed.
Once Haley is finished with the last piece, she sprays some hairspray,
making me and Danielle choke on the reason we have a hole in our ozone
layer.
“So, what is this thing for?” Haley asks, coming back inside with
her makeup bag, which looks more like a suitcase. Good lord, this girl has
a lot of makeup.
“I actually am not sure, I just know my brothers and I have to go
support my dad. He’s doing a speech on stage and wants us all up there with
him. My mom is forcing me to go.” I roll my eyes, making both Haley and
Danielle laugh.
“So your brothers will be there?” Haley clasps her hands and
waits for my response. I nod, knowing that she will probably fangirl over
them.
“You want to meet them? They can come over tomorrow. They’re
all staying here for a couple of days before they go back to LA.” I smile
back at the blonde girl prepping me for the night.
“Are you serious? I would love to meet Chris and Austin Steel!”
she yells very, very loudly. “Holy shit balls! Really? You’re not messing
with me right?”Bending down to pick up a brush to use on me, her body
stays bent but her eyes look at me to check if I’m kidding.
“Yeah, I mean, they’ll come visit me. So I can introduce them to
you both if you want?” I shuffle my feet along the rug in front of the mirror
as I watch her prepare the tools she’ll beautify me with. Lord knows I’ll
need a lot more than what she has laid out.
“Oh my God! Your older brother Austin was my, like, first ever
football player crush! And I get to meet him! FUCK YES! Oh, I’m so
excited!” She waves her brush around my face with a huge grin on her face.
“I thought TJ was your first ever football player crush?” Danielle
teases her, making Haley go bright red and look down before putting some
liquid on my face.
“Well, he was . . . is . . . but I meant like pro footballer.” Averting
her attention back to my face after her reply, the room falls silent until I
hear Danielle snort behind me. This makes me smile while I have my eyes
shut.
“Is? I mean, girl I’m jealous of you! That butt and those abs were
impressive when he answered the door in his tighty whities! Am I right,
Carter?”
I giggle. I can’t deny he did look good when he answered the door. “Well,
I’m not going to lie, he did look good then. I mentally high-fived you when
I saw him.” I feel her breathy chuckle on my face when she laughs at what
we had said about TJ. He’s hot, he knows it, but he’s playful about it.
“I . . . I just don’t know with him. He’s so hot and cold recently. I
think he just flirts with me because . . . well, because I’m there. Like he’s
bored and decided to entertain himself.” We hear the sadness in her voice
and I can’t help but feel bad for her. “It’s always been like that with him.
Did I ever tell you guys he was my first kiss?” I shake my head and assume
Danielle is doing the same.
“Yeah, I was six. We were on my porch when I was coloring my
book. He was leaving my house and saw me. He came over and frightened
me because I didn’t hear him. When I turned around, he caught me in his
arms because I bumped off him while I was scared. Then he smiled and
leaned in to kiss me. He was so sweet about it all. We’ve kissed a few more
times, mainly from spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven type of
stuff, but every time we kiss, I get that feeling . . . you know?”
I don’t. I haven’t felt that from a kiss with anyone. I’ve kissed two
guys in my entire life, which I regret.
“I wish I could feel that with a guy. I haven’t found him yet . . .”
Danielle sighs.
“Me too,” I chime in.
“What?!” they both squeal simultaneously.
“What? What do you mean what? I’ve only kissed two guys, both
of which I’m not proud of—”
“Why?” Haley cuts me off as I open my eyes to see her staring
down at me in wonder.
“Why? Because they used me to get to my dad and brothers. It
wasn’t a nice feeling to find that out. I thought they actually liked me for
me but they didn’t; not even close.” I sigh remembering those “dates.”
They’re the reason why I don’t believe compliments or when people show
interest in me; they’re the reason why I have no confidence in myself. I
never had a a lot of it, but they made me feel like crap stuck to the bottom
of their shoes. They’re the reason why I don’t bother with guys anymore. I
can’t, it’ll only hurt me in the long run.
“God, I’m sorry Carter. They sound like assholes for doing that to
you!” I smile weakly at Haley and close my eyes to allow her to continue.
“I really like TJ though . . . but I don’t think it’s mutual. I mean, there’re
girls around him twenty-four seven. I can’t compete with that . . .
“Guys only go for the slutty girls these days. Despite what you
think, those girls get the guy before the others do because it’s right in front
of them . . . It’s easy, and they don’t have to challenge themselves to get
them, and TJ is a player . . .” Haley finishes her rant.
I couldn’t agree more. Why bother trying to get their attention
when you don’t have it in the first place. It’s setting yourself up for loss. We
all sigh because we’re in the same boat; thinking about the guys who don’t
bother to look at us because we don’t have boobs screaming at them or
short skirts that show off our goodies when we bend over or slut drop.
We’re not those type of girls and we don’t even try to be. But sometimes,
we can't help but feel like it. Is being ourselves really enough these days?
 Once I’m ready, I open my eyes to look at myself. “Wow . . . I
look so different.” It’s like the last time she did it, smokey-grey eyes with
eyeliner rimming them. A small amount of glitter on the eyelids makes my
eyes shine. My contour looks amazing too. Wow, she did such an amazing
job on my hair and makeup. I can hardly believe it’s me.
“You look so pretty, Carter! Your eyes are amazing, wow! I might
even kiss you.” I scrunch up my face at Haley, who proceeds to release a
bellowing laugh. “What? College is for experimenting right?” she teases me
while cleaning away her tools from my floor and bed. They both take
photos with all of us in them for memories.
I slip on my heels before I hear a knock at the door. As soon as it
opens, I hear my mom’s voice. Standing tall on my feet, I walk out to greet
my mom. As soon as I see her, I run to her as she holds out her arms to hug
me. Once in the embrace, I take a deep breath and savor the moment. I
missed my mom and dad. I miss my entire family.
“Hi, honey!” she whispers in my ear and I feel nothing but love
from her. But I can’t wait to see my dad; he’s been so busy lately, I haven’t
been able to talk to him since the night of the party. At least I have talked to
my brothers through text messages briefly. She pulls back to look at me.
“Well, don’t you look beautiful sweetheart. Look at you, your father and
brothers can’t wait to see you. We better go, we don’t want to be late.” I nod
and wave by to my roommates before linking an arm with my mom. I
grabbed my clutch when I walk out the door.
We’re both walking on the pathway down to the convention center
where it’s being held, and I’m hugging onto my mom’s arm. She leans in to
whisper to me, “Before we get to them . . . are there any cute guys in
college?” she teases me and I blush. Not because of the question but
because Nick was the first one who came into my head.
“No.” I stare at my shoes walking along the grey pavement.
“There is, isn’t there! You can’t lie to your mom, I see right
through you and your brothers! What’s his name?” She pushes me to tell
her but I don’t want to talk about someone I can’t like—shouldn’t like.
“Come on, sweetie, girl talk! It’s just us, I won’t tell your father! You have
my word on that.” She kisses the side of my head and I hear the clicks of
our heels hitting the ground.
 I debate silently on whether to tell her or not. In the end, I gave in.
I feel bad. She’s always been there for me, I can’t keep anything from her.
Like she said, she sees right through me.
“Nick . . .” I finally lift my head to face my look alike. I’ve been
told since I was young that I look like the spitting image of my mom, and I
couldn’t be happier. I don’t want to resemble a man.
“Nick? What’s he like?” Seeing her blue eyes that I’ve stolen
from her stare back at me, I smile while she does too.
“He has blond hair, green eyes, has a dimple on his left cheek
when he smiles. He studies physical therapy and is in his last year. He’s
really tall and built like the Hulk . . .” She laughs that sweet laugh that I’ve
missed so much.
“How did you meet him?” She stares at the building in front of us
and I notice we’re stopped outside, knowing that’s the building we’re
entering.
“At a party . . . Well, he’s actually my roommate Haley’s older
brother. She doesn’t know I like him. I don’t want her to know . . . or him.
I’m not his type . . .” She takes my arms in her soft hands and rubs them so
gently.
“Carter, sweetie, listen to me. You’re beautiful. He might like you
back, you never know. But you should be careful, seeing as it is Haley’s
brother. Do you value her friendship?” she asks and I nod affirmatively.
I do. I love her friendship; hers and Danielle’s. I’ve never had this
before, so it feels good.
Looking at me, she continues, “Then, maybe you should let him
make the first move. But don’t get hung up on him if he doesn’t, alright?
There are plenty of guys out there for you, sweetheart. Now come on, let’s
go inside before your brothers see us and wonder what’s going on. They’ve
all missed you so much.” She leans in to kiss my forehead once again and I
walk with her up the small steps into the building. There is a couple of
people here already. I get a few stares from men who are way older than I
am, as I am the youngest female in the room as it stands.
Creeps.
“There’s my beautiful baby girl!” I hear my dad’s voice boom
over the crowd and I see him come into view. Once I see his frame, I let go
of my mom’s arm and race toward my dad. I launch myself into his arms
and receive his famous bear hug he saves only for me. I sigh, relishing in
the missed feeling of protection from him.
“Hi, baby!” He kisses my crown and I look up at him, smiling
from ear to ear.
“Hi, Dad!” I beam back at the salt-and-pepper haired man wearing
a fresh black suit and tie. I almost feel bad for running into him like that. I
probably have makeup all over him; not that he’d care.
“Well, don’t you look like your mother.” He kisses my forehead
and I step back from him. I turn to look around for my brothers, but I can’t
see Dumb and Dumber roaming around. Usually, you hear them before you
see them. I’ll find them soon enough, I hope. If they aren’t chatting up the
wives. “You need to help your mom tonight, alright? We have important
people coming, so stay away from the alcohol. I’ve warned your brothers
too. I know you’re underage, so don’t do it in public, alright?” He tips my
nose with his index finger.
“Fine . . .” I roll my eyes in a teasing manner and he grabs me to
his side.
“You’re coming with me to greet some of the football players
coming tonight! Your mom will be busy, so I need my other favorite girl on
my arm.” Tucking me under his arm, I walk side by side with him as we
make our way to the table where the football play—oh no!
No! No! No! No! Shit! Why didn’t I link this together? Nick. He’ll
see me and he’ll know. Oh shit, and by the looks of things, it’s too late to
run away.
I see TJ walking up the steps but he doesn’t see me. Okay, turn
around and look away. Then I hear his laugh. Oh no. He’s getting closer.
Fuck! What do I do?
I’m flustering around, trying to think of a quick escape when I get
tapped on the shoulder by someone. I slowly turn around and see that it was
someone else and not him.
Oh thank God.
“Carter?” I freeze after hearing my name to my right. I slowly
turn my head to face that familiar voice. I see Nick staring at me, confused
as to why I’m standing here. “What are you doing here?” he asks me while
his eyes slowly wander down my frame. Stepping closer to me, both him
and TJ are just staring at me, like I’m not actually there, yet curious as to
why.
“I knew you were a Steel fan, but jeez, Carter, taking the term to a
whole new level?” TJ teases me. I blush but I can’t speak. I literally have no
voice right now.
“I-I . . . um—”
“Carter, sweetie, will you go help your mom?” My dad leans over
to kiss my head once more and I see both boys eyes widen at what just
happened, their eyes darting between me and my dad, who is oblivious to
what is going on.
“W-Wait . . . what?” Nick cannot form any coherent sentence right
now. To be honest, neither can I. “Carter—”
“I’ve got to go.” I run off from them, embarrassed by what just
happened and surprised I was even able speak. I turn back to steal a glance
and I see Nick still staring at me. I spot my mom and run towards her.
When I get closer, she sees the panic on my face. She puts down the
napkins on the table and takes my shoulders.
“Carter? What’s wrong? Why do you look like you’ve seen a
ghost?” At this point, I wish I had actually seen one. I’m so shocked at what
happened back there. How could I forget about them.
“Nick . . .” I fumble out.
“Okay? What about him?” She quirks her perfectly waxed
eyebrow at me.
“H-He’s here . . .” I see her eyes light up with interest as I see her
head look around to find someone who fit my description earlier.
“Where?” She smirks. “Point him out to me. I want to see him!” I
just walk away from her because she’s relishing in my embarrassment. I
hate it when she does this. She’s such a mom sometimes. “Carter, I’m just
kidding. Well, not really, but what’s the big deal?”
“I didn’t tell him who I am mom! That’s the big deal! Now he
knows.” I walk into a darkened corner where nobody will spot us and turn
to face her like a raging bull. “I didn’t want him to know! He’ll only like
me for what I come with, not for who I am! Especially because he plays
football.” She realizes how serious I am about this and steps into my
bubble.
 “Alright, but honey, it was going to come out one way or another.
If he treats you differently, then that’s on him. He doesn’t deserve you
then.” I groan out loud that quickly forms into a scream. The music is over
taking the sound, which I’m grateful for. She’s treating as if it were so
simple, but it’s not. It never is. I can’t go near him now. He’s going to treat
me differently, he’s a football player who will look at me like a prize to be
won. They all will.
After a few minutes of my mom trying to calm me down, I plaster
on a fake smile and help her with the food and cutlery, trying my hardest
not to look up and make any eye contact with anyone around me. My heart
is beating a million miles an hour, afraid of the next encounter.
I made the mistake of looking up to find my brothers. I caught
Nick’s eyes, and once he sees me, he starts making his way over to me
almost immediately. Thankfully, my father interrupts his mission.
“Good evening, everyone. I would like to thank you all for
coming tonight to listen to my boring self-talk about football. But first, I
want to call up my two boys to the stage with me. Austin, Chris, where are
you two . . . There you are. Come on up before I embarrass you guys!” I
watch my brothers head up the steps to my dad and hug him, but they look
out into the crowd for someone.
Me. I know they’re looking for me. My dad continues, “I’d like to
have all my kids with me when I do these type of events, so I want to call
up my beautiful daughter, Carter, who is currently studying here. This is her
first year. Sweetheart, where are you?” I start to make my way up to the
steps and both of my brothers are smiling goofily at me while I’m silently
praying I don’t trip and fall flat on my face in front of this crowd. “There
you are, my baby girl.” He hugs me close to his body and, once he lets go
of me, I stand next to my brother, who picks me up and engulfs me in a
huge hug.
“C-dog! I’ve been trying to find you all night!” Austin tells me
before putting me down and allowing Chris to do the same thing.
“Missed you, sis! Well, I miss your cookies!” he teases me and I
smack his arm, making him laugh. I stand between my two big brothers as
my dad makes his speech with my mom by his side. They’re always
together. They can’t spend more than a couple of days apart. They go insane
and are a nightmare if that happens.
 Looking into the crowd, I catch Nick’s eyes again and see he’s
already staring at me blankly. I can’t read him. He’s so hard to read.
My mouth instantly feels dry, with my tongue sticking to the walls
of it. Zoning out of my fathers speech, we just stare at each other until I see
TJ lean over to him to whisper something. Something he obviously didn’t
like because he punched his arm, glaring at him before he returned to look
at me, but I break the contact first. I look at the back of my dad’s head and I
feel Austin step closer to me. Then, sealing the end of his speech with a kiss
from my mom, we hear a round of applause from the audience.
Allowing the lights to go up, Austin picks me back up and
squeezes the life out of me. “C-dog! I’ve missed you so much! When are
you visiting me in LA? I need to come down here to see you more often
too!” I giggle at my brother. He’s such a softy, he always has been one.
“I’m in college now, I can’t up and leave whenever I feel like it,
dipshit! I’ve been trying to call you both but you never answer me! I
thought you were both annoyed at me.” I pout at them and Chris pats my
head playfully.
“We’ve been busy, sis, we’re not purposely ignoring you. Don’t
worry. We would never do that to you! At least we’re not as bad as dad, he
never calls anymore, his schedule is crazy busy now that the season is
starting to pick back up again. But I can see the real reason why he’s been
busy.” Chris nudges his thumb playfully at my parents, who are still kissing.
We all fake vomit at the sight of them. Hearing my mom squeal with
laughter as my dad squeezes her ass, we all decide to leave.
“Nope!” we all say simultaneously and walk off the stage with the
help of my brothers. My shoes aren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. We walk
over to the food table and I feel a presence behind me. Turning my head
over my shoulder, I see Nick standing there in his black suit and tie. God,
he looks so good. He clears his throat and my two brother swiftly turn
around to meet the culprit. Oh God, please help him.
“Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you real quick?” His
voice is so soft, almost like he’s scared of something. If anything, it should
be me who should be scared.
“And you are?” Austin eyes him up with a territorial look on his
face.
“Um, Austin, this is Nick . . . He’s my—”
 “You better not be her boyfriend! I swear to God, you’ve got to
ask permission from all three of us to even look at her! Got it?” Austin
sternly warns Nick, who just stands there in shock.
“Austin! No, he’s my roommate’s brother!” I hiss. My brother
softens his look to me. “He plays football for the college—”
“Oh yeah? What position?” Austin asks while Chris is stuffing his
face listening to every detail.
“Quarterback,” Nick finally speaks.
“Quarterback, huh? You know who is the best quarterback this
college has ever seen?” Austin steps closer to Nick, who starts to smile at
my brother, finally gaining some courage.
“Me?” Nick bravely answers while Chris laughs between bites of
food. Austin smirks at him too.
“Hah, no. Actually, it was me.” His smirk is still on his face as he
eyes Nick up. I’m pretty sure my own brother has checked Nick out more
than I have. I snort at the thought, only to see Nick looking over at me.
“Not for long . . .” Nick says as he averts his eyes back to Austin,
who finds what he says hilarious. “So, can I talk to you Carter?” he asks.
Before Austin speaks up, Nick continues, “In private?” He places his hands
in his pockets while he nudges his head to a small balcony outside.
I nod and take a small sandwich in my hand, biting into it as I
walk outside with him. I feel my hands shake out of nervousness for what is
about to be said between us. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I think? I think as
I watch his frame close the door behind us. We’re alone on the balcony but I
can see my two brothers staring noticeably out the window at both of us. I
try hold back a laugh at how intimidating they’re trying to be for me.
“So, you’re a Steel, huh?” He starts looking out into the dark
horizon where we can see the shadows of the trees surrounding the campus.
“Yeah . . .” I mumble down at my feet. Seeing his head drop to
my eyes he steps closer to me.
“You didn’t tell me because . . .” He winds his finger around
nothing, signalling me to finish his sentence.
“I didn’t want you to know,” I tell him truthfully.
“Why?”
“I-I . . . Nick . . . do you know how many people try to be friends
with me because of who my family are? I don’t have any friends left
because of it. I have Haley and Danielle . . .”
“Do they know?” I nod weakly at him in response. “Why, Carter?
I’m not like that. That’s why you didn’t want to say your last name. That’s
why you ran away from me at the party when Haley told you I play
football, isn’t it? Why you acted weird yesterday with the salesman when
we got your car?” I nod to every single question he asked. I feel defeated. I
finally build up the courage to look in those eyes of his and when I do, I
hear him take a deep breath.
“I just didn’t want you to change your opinion of me, to use me
like the rest of them have to kick start your NFL career. I just didn’t want to
get hurt,” I whisper the last part, but I know he heard it because I hear him
step closer to me.
“I won’t hurt you, Carter. My opinion won’t change either. I wish
you told me though. I don’t care about who you are or what your last name
is . . . I liked being around you before I knew and I will like being around
after too. Nothing has changed, I promise you,” I laugh bitterly at him
thinking about the last guy.
“The last guy who I thought was nice to me said those exact
words . . .” I say bitterly to the open air. I hear him sigh almost angrily at
me.
“Well, I’m not one of those guys, Carter. If you can’t see that,
then I’m sorry; I’m sorry that you can’t trust people; I’m sorry that
whatever happened to you happened. But I’m not that guy. I can only tell
you this and prove it to you, but I’ve got a feeling that you won’t allow me
to. You have your mind set on this, and I wish you didn’t.” I rest on my
heel, staring down at it with folded arms. I don’t say anything, I just stay
silent thinking about what he said. Maybe he isn’t that guy? Maybe I should
give him the benefit of the doubt? But I can’t risk it at the same time. Those
two guys broke me—ruined me.
“Carter, please don’t put me in that category. Do you want to talk
about—”
“No!” I quickly lift my head up to face him, realizing that I
actually snapped at him too. Both his hands are out in front of him like he’s
surrendering.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I just . . . I’m not good at this sort of
thing? Do you want a hug?” I hear the smile in his tone as I laugh at him. I
would like a hug from him. I nod and he approaches me, engulfing me in a
tight hug. I sink into his big arms and we stay like that until I hear the door
open again. The loud noise of the chatter inside booms through the opening.
We abruptly pull apart from each other and I see it’s my parents. My dad
looks like he’s going to kill Nick while my mom looks curious as to who he
is.
“You have a boyfriend?” my dad squeaks out, sizing Nick up. I
shake my head, and I see the once tense body relax in front of me.
“No, Dad, this is Nick. His sister is my roommate. Nick, this is
my dad, Roger, and my mom, Elaine.” I point to both my parents and he
shakes both of their hands. It's one of the traits I have noticed about him,
he’s well-mannered and courteous with people when he first meets them.
“Nick, as in Haley’s brother Nick?” my mom quizzes with a large
smirk evidently on her face. I feel the heat creep up to my cheeks while I
glare at my mom who is focused on Nick, the wind tousling her hair around
her face as we listen to the tree leaves rub off each other, creating a hissing
sound in the air.
“Yeah . . . that’s me . . .” Nick sends her a tight smile in
recognition. “It’s an honor to meet you both, Mr and Mrs. Steel.” He
continues looking at my dad.
“I’ve heard so much about you!” My mom beams as I mentally
sink into the ground, trying to run away from this embarrassing situation
that’s unfolding.
“Um . . . really?” he asks as his head snaps to me. I’m still looking
at my mom who has a grin on her face. My dad is completely confused as to
what is going on.
“Oh, yes, Carter speaks so highly of you. Thank you for keeping
her company while she collected her car.” Now my mom is blushing at him.
Why on earth is she blushing at him? What the hell is going on?
“Oh, its no problem really. My pleasure.” He smiles over to my
unhappy looking dad now. He’s so lost and pissed that he’s not in the loop.
No way I’d tell him anything. Plus, he hasn’t called me since that party, so
this is on him. I’ve tried but he’s always so busy.
“I’m confused? Are you two dating or something? Because if you
are, you need to run that by me and her brothers first!” My dad sends Nick a
stern look while he smiles and shakes his head, trying not to laugh. My dad
is old fashioned. In the south, it’s normal to ask the father for permission to
date the daughter, and he stands by that. He did it with my mom and her dad
when they first started dating, and he expects the same for me.
“Believe me, sir, your sons have informed me on that already . . .”
Nick licks his lips, smiling back at my parents.
“And we’re not dating, Dad, so relax. Why is everyone thinking
that?” My dad smiles. Hearing that must have perked him up. Silence falls
between the four of us, and leave it to my mom to perk up.
“Honey, Nick plays football for the college. Isn’t that right?” Oh,
here we go again. My dad will slate him. He’ll ask him about the coaching
staff here, if they’re as good as him, and his statistics on the field. It’ll be
awkward.
“Oh, really? Is that so? What position do you play?” My dad’s
interest in Nick has gone up by one hundred percent. Anyone who plays
football is interesting to my dad.
“Quarterback, sir.” Nick’s politeness makes me smile. He’s
nervous, he must be. Either that or he’s a typical southern boy who has
learned his manners.
“Quarterback, huh? Nick Jackson, right?” My dad asks. I’m in
shock that he’s even heard of him. He knows his name, for crying out loud.
I can’t hide my shocked expression. Nick must be good if my dad has heard
of him.
“That’s me, yeah . . .” Nick sounds taken back by the fact that my
dad knows him. I hear him clear his throat, scared of the next thing that’ll
come flying out of his mouth. Don’t say something embarrassing, don’t say
something embarrassing. I cross my fingers behind my back silently
pleading.
“I’ve seen your tapes actually. You’ve got a strong arm. I’ve
actually seen three of you on tape. You planning on going pro after
college?”
“Really? Wow! I didn’t know you saw them. Thanks, that means a
lot coming from you. Yeah, I want to go pro after college. I’ve dreamt about
it for years. I love the game, it’s become part of me,” Nick responds.
“I know the feeling. You’re young, good, and the talk of the
college too. I look for upcoming guys who are dedicated to the game. I
watch college ball as often as I can, so when it comes to drafting players, I
know exactly who I want.” Hearing that tone in his voice. The confidence
my dad radiates. He’s pitching, I know he is.
“Oh yeah? Nothing beats the live game though. We do nothing but
watch game tapes of ourselves and our opponents. Coach drilled that into us
since day one.” I can see Nick’s shoulders drop, knowing he’s easing into
the conversation nicely.
“You like your coach?” It’s a trick question. I know it is.
“Yeah, I mean, he’s good. I prefer Bulldog, though. I don’t really
take to Coach’s technique. Bulldog’s, on the other hand, I much prefer his
advice . . .”
“Yeah, your coach’s technique is not great. But then again, he’s
not me. I can’t believe Bulldog is still around, that old bag is a wise man
that I idolized growing up around here. Listen to what he has to say, he’ll
come in handy for your pro career but he’s got nothing on me,” my dad
advises.
“With all due respect sir, I haven’t had you as a coach, so I like
Bulldog’s methods. I think he’s the best I’ve had,” Nick says.
“So far . . .” I see Nick tense a little at what my dad is saying.
Where is he going with this? “How about this, the next time I’m down here
visiting Carter, I’ll do a one on one with you one day? Maybe two if I like
you enough.” I see Nick completely freeze beside me, and I watch him just
stare wide-eyed at my dad. I poke him in the arm to help him say something
back.
“Nick! Are you okay?” I whisper, still poking him. His eyes snap
down to meet mine, and once they do, my breath hitches at the sudden
change. I see a flash run across his eyes and he faces my father once more
to shake his hand. What he says next completely shakes me from the inside.
“As much as I’d like that sir, I understand that other guys have
used your daughter in the past. I’m not about to be put in that same
category. I appreciate the gesture, but I can’t accept.” My dad’s shocked
expression is quickly replaced by a smile. He was testing him, and he
passed. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying not to smile, and I see my mom
staring up at Nick.
“You have no idea how many guys have taken me up on that offer.
I don’t have the time to actually come down here, especially during the
season. I appreciate that you didn’t put yourself in that category. We all
would’ve if you said yes.” My dad shakes his hand, and I stand there in
shock that he did that. I thought he was going to take the offer but he didn’t.
He turned it down. My parents decide to leave us alone together again after
that quick conversation. He’s a busy man that has to socialize.
Before walking back in, he says to Nick over his shoulder, “By
the way, I have actually watched your tapes. You’re good! Really good!
Teams will be fighting for you once you’re finished, good! Me included.
Nice meeting you.” He waves off my dad and I watch them leave. I’m
standing behind Nick, whose back is turned to me. I think my dad broke
him.
“Um . . . Nick?” I run my hands along the skin of my arm. I shake
my legs from the slight breeze that blows through me. “Nick?” I whisper at
his back. Turning around finally to face me, I see the light in his eyes. He
looks incredible right now. So incredible. I’m at a loss for words.
“Sorry, I was totally having a fan girl moment over your dad . . .”
he says as he smiles down at me. I laugh, looking out to the darkness at
nothing in particular.
“You and everyone else in this building . . . Well, except for me
and my brothers.” I point my toe and trace the pattern of the tiles with it.
“Well, yeah, you see him pretty much all the time. I can’t believe I
just met Roger Steel . . . and Austin Steel . . . and Chris Steel”—his head
turns back to meet my eyes once more, and I feel the butterflies flying
around my stomach—“and Carter Steel.” Hearing my full name leave his
mouth was like music to my ears. Soft, soothing music too.
I don’t ask why he mentioned me. I’m nothing special. Not
compared to my family, I’m not.
He runs his fingers through his hair as he watches me. I send him
a tight smile and, after a few more minutes out here, we decide to go back
inside and join the commotion around my father.
“Shit . . . what the fuck is she doing here . . .” I look in the same
direction as him and notice Maya making her way up the stairs with her
group of friends. She looks really good in a tight and glittery black dress
that shows off her long legs. She spots Nick from a mile away and then
looks at me. She starts to walk over to us and then spots both of my
brothers. She stops herself and her friends, all of them giving both of my
brothers their best flirtatious stare, like they’re meat on a stick.
 “Come on.” Nick grabs hold of my hand and tugs me in their
direction. Seeing Maya turn on her heel toward Nick, she spots that he’s
holding my hand and glares hard at me.
“You’re so buff, Austin. It’s good to finally feel what a real man
feels like!” Maya flirts with my older brother, her hands trailing Austin’s
chest. The sight makes me queasy. The look in her eyes tells me she wants
all the attention on her, and well, she’s getting it, which is boosting her ego.
There’s something about her that I just don’t quite like. She’s actually rude
and mean. I don’t like people like that.
“Jealous, Nick?” She smiles, running her finger along her neck. “I
see you brought your pet with you, who’s still following you around like a
lost puppy. How pathetic.” She turns back around to my brothers who are
fuming with anger. Her eyes widen at the sight of them both breathing fire.
Their quick change in mood caught her off guard.
“That pathetic, lost puppy is my sister . . .” Austin says while
gritting at her. Her head snaps to meet my blank stare and her eyes widen
then laughs, thinking it’s all a joke. But it’s not.
“Bullshit . . .” She’s now staring at Nick who has the most
beaming smile on his face at her embarrassing mistake. She’s been caught.
You can smell the alcohol off her, influencing her bravery.
I look down to see I’m still holding his hand. I don’t want to let
go either. “Don’t ever insult my sister ever again. Got that?” My brothers
have defended me from the day I was born, beating up guys who were mean
to me and sticking up for me when it was girls.
I watch Maya’s nod up and down quickly in fear. But Austin
continues his lecture, “That goes for the rest of you three. Don’t insult her.
So keep your fucking opinions to yourself!” Austin stands behind me,
locking me up in a tight hug. His big brother instincts always kicks in at the
right time. Chris stands next to us, staring at the girls who were all over
them a second ago. Nick is still holding on to me. I wonder if he realizes
he’s holding my hand still.
We allow Maya and her friends to walk back out the door and
leave the building, but not without an over the shoulder glare from her.
“Jesus, college girls are still the same old bitches—” I slap
Austins arm and tilt my head back to look up at him. “What? Why’d you hit
me?” His voice was higher than normal.
 “I’m a college girl, dipshit!” The realization flashes across his
face, forgetting that I am, indeed, a college girl. He’s smart, but only book
smart with a side of zero common sense.
“Oh shit, yeah . . . I forgot you were, C-dog!” He chuckles.
“C-dog?” Nick whips his head around to the both of us with a grin
so wide he might strain his muscles.
“You can’t call her that! That’s my name for her, come up with
something else, buddy!” Austin points at Nick, who is still smiling at him.
“What’s your name for her?” Nick nods to Chris, who is currently
stuffing chocolate cake into his mouth. Why is he always eating something?
“Cooks or Cookie.” That makes Nick laugh loudly. I feel the tug
of my hand as he throws his head back.
“Why ‘Cookie’?” he asks through his laughter.
“She makes the best cookies ever.” I feel Austin’s chin move on
my head, nodding at what Chris said. I do make the best cookies. It’s my
recipe. Nick is still doubled over, laughing at us three and our sibling love. I
watch the wrinkles form around his eyes and the way his dimple sits on his
left cheek. “Seriously! Sis, you need to send me a batch! I’ve been craving
them like a girl on her period!” I giggle at my brother, along with everyone
else.
The night carries on with fun and laughter, but it’s not long until
it’s time to leave. I couldn’t help but notice Ryan’s absence. Not once did I
see him but I saw his twin and spoke with him for a while. They’re the
complete opposite of each other. Rob is quieter than Ryan, but they’re
identical in looks.
I’m exhausted, and all I want is my bed. Sometimes, when we’d
stay in hotel rooms, my brothers and I would sleep in the same bed. I love
their cuddles. I’ve always liked sleeping with people. I always feel safe
with them. So that’s what happens. I follow them to their hotel room and
stay in the gigantic bed with my two brothers. They decided to push the two
king sized bed together to make one large bed. All of us are laying under
the fresh bed sheets in dim lighting, with me smack-dab in the middle of my
brothers. I rest my head on the duck feather pillow and my phone vibrates
near my head. Reading the name makes me freeze.
 Nick: Did you get back alright? I couldn’t find you to
walk you back to the dorm.

I smile at how concerned he is. He’s so sweet.

Me: I didn’t go back to the dorm, I’m staying with my

family tonight. Thank you for checking on me �� xx

He replies almost immediately.

Nick: Cool, just wanted to make sure you weren’t walking

around campus alone. I’ll see you tomorrow? �� xx

It’s then I realized I sent him two x’s. I feel my eyes squeeze
themselves shut at my slip up. At least he was nice enough to return them.
What do I do now? Do I continue with them? I should shouldn’t I? I mean I
started it?

Me: Yeah, I should be back at the dorm. My brothers will

be there too so you can have some other male company too along
with TJ xx
Nick: I’ll come over tomorrow, Haley said there’s leftover
cake she and Danielle baked. And I love cake. Don’t get me wrong,
I idolize your brothers, but I really enjoy your company too xx

The last part makes me grin as I bite on my finger reading this. He

really enjoys my company?

Me: I love cake too and so do my brothers. I hope they

made loads! I really enjoy your company too xx

My heart hammers as I type a reply out to send him.

Nick: Sorry if I’m keeping you up. I just had to check to

see where you were. Seeing as you’re with your family, I will talk
with you tomorrow. Goodnight Carter xx
 Me: Goodnight Nick. Thank you again xx

I place my phone down under my pillow. I can’t wipe the grin off
my face. “So . . .” Chris begins the midnight talk we used to have when we
were all together. “Was that Nick? You sure there’s nothing going on
between you two?” The light places shadows around his face as I look up at
him laying next to me.
“Wh—No. What makes you think that? He’s my roommate’s
older brother,” I say to defend myself.
“What’s that got to do with it?” He pushes me. He’s right. Why
did I say that? I see his frown etch harder across his brow which darkens
with the shadows.
“I’m tired. Can you turn the light off?” I deflect the question but I
should’ve known better.
“Not until you answer the question, C-dog.” Austin’s voice
overtakes the room. I groan, sliding down the sheets in my brothers shirt.
“I don’t know why I said it. It just came out, alright? Can we just
forget about it? I’m really tired . . .” It was all the truth. I don’t know why I
said it. It was a brain fart. The look from both of them tells me they’ll leave
it for now.
The light disappears and the darkness surrounds us. I feel two
kisses on my head and I bring the covers up to my chin. I snuggle into the
bed sheets and fall asleep after a few moments of just staring into space.
While my eyes are closed, I remember Nick in his suit and tie. He
looks good in anything he wears but for tonight, he looked so handsome.
His dark black suit encasing his body, making him look like he just walked
out of a Bond movie. His broad shoulders and bulging arms. His blond hair
neatly combed to the side and slightly away from his stunning face.
He could easily be a model. That chiselled jaw that was dotted
with light stubble. But it was his eyes; they were so bright, and when the
light caught them, there was no way I could look away from him. They
allowed a pulse resonate through me body. That smile that remained on his
face for basically the whole night. He looked like he enjoyed himself. I
practically spent the entire night with him, TJ, and my brothers.
The thought of him has me smiling silly to myself.
Nick Jackson, you have wriggled yourself into my mind.
OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TEN
Chocolate Cake

Nick
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
I groan from hearing that awful vibration against the wooden
drawers to the left of my bed. Who the hell has the nerve to call me at this
hour in the morning? I crawl over to grab it without opening my eyes. I
swipe across and yell, “WHAT? What do you want?”.
“Nicolas Aiden Jackson, you better lose that tone with me right
now, mister!” My eyes then snap open in pain after hearing my mother’s
hard voice. Oh fuck! Nick, you idiot! I facepalm myself at being so rude to
her. Why did I do that? I should’ve known better.
“Sorry, mom, I just woke up and I’m really tired. I’m sorry, I love
youuu!” I tease, trying to get myself out of trouble, and I hear her huff. I’m
her favorite, she always gives in to me, especially when I tell her how much
I love her.
“Hmmhmm . . . you’re exactly like your father, you know that! I
love you too, sweetheart, but don’t you ever speak to me like that ever
again, you hear me?!” I know she has a pointed look etched on her face. I
know my mom all too well. Mixed with her southern accent, I can tell she
most certainly was not happy with me initially.
“You got it, Mom! I promise I won’t. To what do I owe this
glorious call from you at . . . nine in the morning?” I check the time to
emphasize that it’s way too early for her to be calling me right now. I’m
clearly not a morning person, unlike her.
“Oh yeah . . . Nicolas Aiden Jackson!” There she goes again with
my full name. What is with everyone doing that recently? “Why on earth
have you not told me you’re dating someone! I’m really annoyed at you!
Your aunt Rita called me last night, telling me you brought her into the
diner for food!” Oh fuck! I run my hand over my eyes, feeling fully awake
now. My mom hates not being in the loop. She’s the gossip queen of our
entire family, and I know my aunt is in on it too. They’re both as bad as
each other.
“Mom, I’m not dating anyone. We just went in for a bite to eat—”
“That’s not what it looked like, Nick!” I laugh at her, thinking,
How would she know? she wasn’t there. Then she speaks up again, “Nick,
this is not funny! How could you not tell me?” That’s when I hear the
shakiness in her voice. I sit up, realizing she’s about to cry. I’ve really done
it now. Why is this such a big deal?
“Mom, no, no, no! Please don’t cry! Seriously, Mom, it was
nothing! I don’t see her like that, she’s Haley’s roommate and I helped her
out that day, then we stalled into the diner for some breakfast. That’s all it
was, Mom, I promise you!” As soon as those word left my mouth, I
immediately regretted it. I do see her like that. I have only seen her like
that. But I keep messing it up for myself. I have to tell my mom that so she
doesn’t pester Carter, that’s the last thing I fucking need. I want to see what
she’s feeling towards me. I don’t know if she’s just a nervous person in
general or if she’s just like that around me. I want to figure this girl out so
badly.
I want her.
But I need time to do that. She’s a tough nut to crack.
“Well, Rita says otherwise!” I roll my eyes at my gossiping aunt.
They’ve always hounded me to get a girlfriend. Both of them were on my
case about it constantly.
“And what did Aunt Rita say about it, then?” I ask in a bored
tone, slumping back down into the covers. I know exactly what she has said
to her. She told her that it looks like we’re dating and that we like each
other.
“She said that it reminded her of me and your father when we first
started dating, that you both couldn’t stop looking at each other . . .” My
heart literally leaps into my mouth. That’s what it looked like? Well, shit!
My mom is going to never leave this alone. I need to keep her and Carter
away from each other. My mother can be the nosiest person you can ever
meet. She’ll question everything until she hears what she wants to hear.
 “Ughhh! Mom, that’s not what happened. Seriously, I was just
helping her out that day . . .” I know from her tone that she’s not buying it,
not one bit.
“Then answer me this, do you like her? More than what you’re
telling me? Do you like her like that?” As if she can hear the wheels turning
in my head of how to answer that question, she warns, “And don’t you dare
lie to me, Nick!”
I take the phone away from my ear and start punching the air,
mouthing “Fuck” over and over again. Once I was finished, I place it back
and lie, “No, no I don’t like her.” I hate lying to my mom. I’ve only ever
done it when I was in serious trouble and didn’t want to get into more
trouble, but nine times out of ten, she figured me out and cursed me to the
high heavens.
There was a long pause from her end of the line, like she’s
deciding whether to believe me or not. Please believe me. It’s a long shot,
but I can hear her sigh, knowing she doesn’t.
FUCK!
“Okay, if you say so, baby.” I know her tone is telling me she
doesn’t believe me one bit, but her words tell me otherwise. This can only
mean one thing and one thing only: she wants to see for herself. She wants
to make a judgement. Based on that, she has something planned.
“I’ve got to go, Nick. I’ll call you later, honey. Bye.” The fact that
she didn’t say “I love you” at the end upsets me. She knows I lied to her.
“I love you, Mom.” But she hangs up before I even got halfway
through it. She’s pissed at me. I know she is. Time to send her flowers like I
always do when I fuck up with my mom. She’s the only woman in my life
that I don’t need to be pissed off at me. Haley, I can handle. I just give her
time and we go right back to normal. But my mom, no chance in hell can I
handle her being annoyed with me. I throw my phone on to the lower part
of my bed and between my legs and sigh to the ceiling, knowing I’m in big
trouble now.
There are so many curse words running through my head right
now. Since I’m wide awake, I decide to take a shower. I peel my boxers off
of me and run the water to heat it up. I look at last night’s suit hanging on
my study chair, making sure it’s not creased. I make a mental note to hang it
back up in the wardrobe for the next occasion and to wash the shirt.
 A flashback of Carter in that sexy number races through my mind.
She looked so gorgeous in that tight green dress, her hair effortlessly
flowing down her back in soft curls, and her long lean legs on display that
distracted every male in the room last night. She was driving me crazy and
had no idea.
I couldn’t stay away from her that night, I didn’t want to. I was
afraid another guy would take the opportunity to talk to her. Not once did I
leave her side unless she went to the restroom and when everyone decided
to leave. I was going to walk her back to the dorm, so I waited for her alone
outside and told the guys I’d catch up with them, not without a smirk from
TJ.
Once everyone had cleared, I texted her and she said she’s was
staying with her family. I felt disappointed that I couldn’t walk her home. I
wanted to hold her hand again. I wanted Haley and Danielle to be asleep
when we arrived and for her to forget her key. I wanted them to not hear us
banging on the door. And I wanted to take her back to mine. I wanted her to
stay with me, in my bed. I wanted to sleep next to her. But none of that
happened. None of what I fantasized played out.
I wanted to rip that dress off her and run my hands along her soft
skin—along her luscious curves. I wanted to take her perfect tits into my
mouth and suck on them hard. And those silky legs; I wanted my head to be
between them, and I wanted them to be wrapped around my shoulders and
waist. I wanted to kiss her, I really wanted to kiss her.
Hell, I wanted to fuck her.
I slip into the shower and allow the steam to open my pores up,
along with the need to have her here with me. This girl can’t get out of my
mind. It’s driving me crazy how much I think about her. The obsession I
have over this girl is a lot longer and stranger than usual.
I lean my arm against the cold tiles and look down to see that I’m
rock hard. I watch the water pool at my feet with small frequent splashes. I
feel the blood pumping to my dick and I watch it pulsate. I instinctively
reach for my hardened dick and slowly start to stroke it, thinking it’s her
doing it. I shouldn’t be thinking that. She’s too innocent for that, but I can’t
stop the thoughts. The thoughts of what it would feel like to be inside her.
To hear her scream my name in pure bliss.
Up. Down. Up. Down.
 I groan out, thinking it’s her small hands milking me to ecstasy. I
grip it harder and pump faster. I don’t think I’d last as long as I usually do.
Repeating the motions, I picture her body, minus the dress, and what it
could feel like. I picture her in red lace covering her most edible parts.
“Fuck,” I moan out lowly. I picture her crawling up on top of me
while I’m pumping myself on my bed, then she takes it in her hands and
takes over for me. I feel my eyes roll to the back of my head because her
movements.
Faster. Faster. Faster.
I’m reaching my peak and I close my eyes. Reaching that place I
know all too well, I picture nothing but her eyes—her striking blue eyes.
I rest my head against my arm as I feel the urge to finish myself
off but I still keep going. This is the longest I’ve gone. It’s like one wave of
pleasure after the other. “Jesus!” I moan loudly and I can’t stop pumping
myself. My body can’t take it anymore. I rest my entire body against the
tiles for support before I collapse. I take deep and slow breath to gather
myself.
That had to have been the longest and strongest one to date. Thank
you, Carter. I smirk at the thought of it. I wash my body and hair, then step
out a few minutes later to dry my body off. I slip on a new pair of boxers.
Just as I pull them up, my door bursts open. I swivel my head over my
shoulder to see TJ with a look of shock on his face.
“You took Carter on a date?” He stands there in his underwear just
like me and waves his arms around exasperated by this. I look heavenward
with a large sigh. “Fuck, Nick! You actually took her on a date?” I release a
small laugh at how people are reading too much into this.
“No, TJ, I didn’t take Carter out on a date . . . I’m guessing my
mom asked you about it . . . ?” I trailed off, bending down to find some
shorts and a shirt to wear while I’m at the girls’ dorm. I’m seeing Carter
regardless of what people are saying.
“Yeah. She called me to ask who she was?” I whip my head
around to him, panicking that he probably told her Carter’s name.
“Did you tell her it was—”
He cuts me off with a nod. “Carter? Yeah, I thought she knew but
forgot. Your mom played me! She’s good!” He laughs at my reaction, but I
rest my hands on my hips, staring at my wooden drawers and trying to find
out what she’s doing. She’s up to something, I know my own mother. She
can be sneaky when she wants to be. “I’m sorry man, if I’d have known she
didn’t know, I wouldn’t have said anything . . .”
“What did she say to you exactly?” I ask him as I turn around to
face my best friend, who will be murdered if he doesn’t answer correctly.
“She told me you went on a date with a girl to the diner and she
met your aunt Rita. She said Rita forgot the girl’s name and I told her that
the only girl you helped out the other day was Carter, who’s Haley’s
roommate, then she squealed and hung up.” He shrugged and slumped
himself on my bed. It reminds me of when he used to sleepover at my
house.
His parents are always away so they left him with my parents.
That’s why my mom treats him as one of her own, like a second son. TJ’s
parents are business moguls who forget they have a son most of the time. In
short, they’re assholes to him.
“Fan-fucking-tastic!” I grumble out. I slip the shirt over my body
and reach for the shorts to put on.
“Where are you going?” TJ asks me while abruptly sitting up. He
finally noticed that I’m getting changed to go over to see the girls. Well, for
me, to see one girl.
“Haley’s, she has cake—chocolate cake. And lord knows I love
my mom’s chocolate cake.” He doesn’t speak another word. Instead, he
runs into his own room to get changed. I laugh at his actions; I would do the
exact same. My mom’s cake is worth running for.
A few minutes later, we’re in the car driving to the dorm. I see
Carter’s car parked up outside. I wonder if she’s inside right now. We both
admire her car as we walk inside and notice the flock of females around the
lobby. The looks we get from every one of them makes TJ laugh. I don’t
give two shits if I’m honest. Not making eye contact with any one of them,
we saunter to the elevator; we feel some girls following us to it. Once we
step in, a number of them follow with flirty smiles and lip bites.
Freshmen.
Although, some of them look older based on the amount of
makeup they have on. Again, I ignore them until one girls asks me what
floor we’re getting off.
 “Four.” I keep it short and sweet but she replies with a “Me too,”
trying to begin a conversation I don’t engage in. I lean back against the
elevator walls as I wait to get off, feeling a little claustrophobic. I take a
deep breath as I wait until the number four lights up on the small screen
above the elevator doors. Once it does, we meander our way out, hitting a
few bodies and some girls “pretend” to fall just to grab onto me. I know
people on campus know me, girls in particular, and that’s why they like me;
because of the title I have. My known status.
We reach the door and knock three times to be greeted by my
sister. with Danielle behind her. Haley beams her usual smile and I hug her.
When Danielle waves to me, I return it apprehensively . I sneak a glance
around the room and see Carter isn’t here yet. “She’s on her way.” Danielle
smirks at me and walks back to the kitchen with Haley in step.
“TJ, go fix your hair. You look like you got dragged through a
bush!” Haley laughs, pointing to the bathroom door for TJ to use. Knowing
TJ, he doesn’t care much about it. He’s so carefree.
So, just to annoy Haley, he sits down at the table as smirks at her,
“I’m good. I know I look irresistible right now,” he says cheekily, leaning
on his elbows Haley rolls her eyes.
Hearing the door knock, my heart leaps out of my chest due to the
excitement of seeing her again and for not expecting her so soon. “I’ll get
it!” I say quickly. Seeing TJ smile and shake his head at me kind of pisses
me off. I reach the door and see her standing between her two brothers in
the same dress as last night, except with her shoes in her hand. She’s
barefoot. “Hey,” I say softly to her, forgetting that her brothers, the
meathead Steels, are standing right next to her.
“Hey, Nick!” She beams and walks into her room, her brothers
both scanning me. I clear my throat and greet them too. They both greet me
with grunts. Once they walk in, I hear my sister’s high-pitched scream.
Good lord, I knew she always had the biggest crush on Austin Steel.
“OH! MY! GOD! You’re . . . holy fuck balls!” she squeaks.
“Haley!” I grill her for her choice of words. If my mom heard her,
she would be locked in an dungeon up a mountain with no human contact.
“Do you NOT see the Steels standing right in front of you, Nick! I
think I’m going to faint right now . . .” She starts fanning her face, and both
of Carter’s brothers start to laugh and walk over to my dramatic sister. They
look like giants standing right next to her and Carter.
“Haley, these are my brothers, Austin and Chris. Guys, this is my
roommate and huge fan, Haley Jackson . . . Nick’s sister,” Carter introduces
her brothers to my sister with a soft voice, who I think may actually faint,
come to think of it. When my name leaves her mouth, I shudder like I do
every time she does. There’s something about the way she says it.
“Oh, fuck me . . . !” Haley whispers loudly, looking at the two
giants occupying the kitchen space next to me. TJ chokes on a glass of
water he helped himself to moments ago and starts to slap his chest.
“You’re my first football player crush!” she squeals, making Carter laugh
her angelic laugh. She stands off to the side, as if she doesn’t want to
interrupt my sister’s excitement towards her brothers.
“I’m going to get changed, I’ll be back.” Carter slips into her
room and shuts the door. Right now, I wish I could use X-ray vision. I hear
a throat being cleared, and I see Chris standing next to me while Haley
fangirls over Austin Steel, taking selfies with him.
“Eyes on me, pretty boy,” Chris says with a grunt. We’re watching
each other, and his eyes are telling me not to mess with him. They may be a
bit bigger than I am, but I’m not really scared of them. They’re looking out
for their sister, the same way I’m doing for mine. They’re protective of her.
I would be, too, if I was with her.
“Chris! Come here, she wants one with both of us!” He slowly
turns away from me and moves over to my sister. Danielle steps out from
her room to finally greet them. She wasn’t here when they first came inside
the dorm. I get the feeling there is no rush on her end to meet them like my
sister. I know Danielle doesn’t know much about football in the first place,
so I don’t think she knew just how famous the Steel family are in the
industry. Their dad is a walking legend.
“Here, I’ll take the picture while you guys just shimmy on in
together,” she teases. Both of them were about to wrap their arms around
my sister’s shoulder before I stand there and eye them up, silently telling
them to not mess with me and keep those hands to themselves. I see they
know exactly what I’m talking about and they don’t question it. They don’t
want me to do that to their sister, and I don’t want them doing that to mine.
 TJ has been sitting there the entire time, quiet, which is really
unusual for him. He usually teases Haley about this sort of thing but now
he’s just staring at them. No expression or emotion, just a blank stare. So,
he cuts himself a slice of cake and takes it into the living room, walking by
me and not saying a word.
What’s up with him?
“You want some cake? We made it last night. It’s my moms
recipe!” Seeing both brothers nod, she cuts the slices big enough for them
and slides it onto the plate. They both sit at the kitchen table. Haley hands
me a slice but I join my best friend on the sofa.
“What’s up with you man?” I ask him and he forks a piece into his
mouth, staring at the TV.
“Nothing,” he mumbles angrily. He’s in a good mood, I think to
myself sarcastically. There’s no point in talking to him while he’s in that
type of funk. I’ve got to let him calm down then I’ll get it out of him. I
stand back up to take some of the fresh strawberries Danielle had cut up for
us. As I walk by, Haley asks me to get Carter before the cake is gone. So I
reach over to the door handle and open the door. My jaw drops at the sight
of her.
Standing there in her bra and panties with her back turned to me is
her, her ass creasing as she steps from side to side. The most perfect figure
I’ve ever seen on the face of this earth, and it’s standing right in front of me.
My brain is having a mental breakdown at her perfection. “Shit! I’m so
sorry!” I snap myself out of the daydream very quickly, realizing I’ve been
gawking at her for a few moments. Hearing that scream as she turns around,
giving me a fully frontal view of her perfect body, I run back outside and
press my head against the wooden door.
I’m fucked. So fucked.
“What the hell?” Her oldest brother comes straight over to me and
clenches on my shirt. I push him off and walk back out of the dorm to try to
calm myself.
“Fuck!” I pace up and down the corridor outside the room. I hear
someone slamming the door open and notice Austin striding toward me.
Here we go.
“What the fuck was that? What did you do?!” The six-foot-four
tank storms towards me with no remorse. I’m a dead man. He knows it, I
know it.
“I didn’t know she was still changing! I’m sorry! Fuck! I’m sorry!
I . . . shit!” I run my hands through my hair out of embarrassment that I
walked in on her practically naked before my eyes. The worst part is not
only is her brother about to beat the shit out of me for doing that, but he’s
about to beat me dead when he realizes I’m rock hard after the sight of her.
I’m pretty much on the verge of cumming at this point because I can’t stop
thinking about her.
“You ever heard of fucking knocking?! Jesus Christ! She’s
probably in there crying now! I’m going to have to calm her down no—”
The door opens and I see Carter walking towards us. I look away quickly,
instantly feeling the heat rise on my cheeks. I couldn’t help but check her
out quickly, though. “C-dog, go back inside, he was just leaving.”
She reaches us and takes Austin’s arm, pulling him away and
pushing him down the corridor. She pushes him inside and shuts the door.
Turning back around, she walks back to me and stands there, watching me.
I feel so embarrassed that I did that. I’m shifting awkwardly to
hide my boner—a painful boner, at that.
“It’s alright, Nick. I guess we’re even?” I snap my eyes back
down to her, confused by what she means by even. Her cheeks are the same
color as mine, and I’m sure she can feel the heat from them. She’s
embarrassed but acting like she’s not for my sake. “That time when we
came over after the house party? You and TJ were in your underwear and
how you looked caught me off guard. So . . . I guess that makes us even,”
she explains and I smile at her reasoning. It’s not the same; guys walk
around like that all the time. For girls, it’s a little more private.
“I’m sorry, Carter, I should’ve knocked. It was wrong of me, I
didn’t think . . . I—” She nods her head, understanding and accepting my
apology.
“It’s fine, we all learned the hard way . . .” Her choice of words
are really not helping me right now. “It’s just the same as seeing me in a
swimsuit, right?” I laugh at her logic. She’s not wrong, but I still don’t think
it’s right that I saw her like that. “I mean, I should be the one saying sorry
that you saw that!” She laughs loudly, clutching her sides. I raise an
eyebrow, thinking if she’s testing me?
 “You shouldn’t be sorry, I’m the one who walked in on you,
Carter.” I shake my head seriously at her. I feel my teeth press together,
wondering why she thinks she should be sorry. She did nothing wrong.
“We should get back inside before my brothers eat all of the
cake.” Changing the topic, she points to the door and starts to walk towards
it. She notices that I’m not following her. “Come on, I’ll protect you from
my brothers,” she teases me, and I smile back at this girl who makes
everything so simple.
I follow her inside and look around to see where TJ has gone.
Instead, I meet two pairs of blue eyes that look like they’re going to Freddy
Krueger me. I watch their little sister walk over to them, kiss both of their
cheeks, and whisper something to each of them. Their hard looks fade into
an adoring smile to her. I know I’m good. They both kiss her head out of
protection and love. I get it. I would’ve reacted the same if some guy
walked in on Haley like that.
Speaking of Haley, where the hell is she?
“Where’s TJ and Haley?” I ask Danielle.

* * *

Haley
I watch Nick run out the dorm room in total embarrassment. I
think he walked in on Carter getting changed. He’s never reacted that way
towards seeing a girl naked. If he saw her naked that is. Everyone is
completely frozen in the dorm room as to what just happened. Then Austin
gets up from the table and follows my brother outside.
Oh no!
I scurry around the table but Chris takes hold of my arm lightly,
stopping what I was about to do. “It’s best if you leave them alone. You’re
brother will be alright. He can hold his own.” Carter’s door immediately
opens and I see her running over to us. When she notices that Austin’s not
here, I point to the door and she runs to that direction, swinging it open. But
not before Chris holds her back. “Cooks, leave them to it. He shouldn’t
have walked in on y—”
 “How was he supposed to know, Chris? He can’t see through the
damn door!” Carter rolls her eyes, pushing her brother’s hand off of her.
She continues to go outside and leaves us four standing in a silence. Chris
walks back to his cake and continues to eat it with Danielle across the way.
“She better make me some cookies after that sass,” he mumbles,
making us laugh at him. He’s the funny one out of the two brothers, but
Carter is even funnier. I’m pretty sure that’s not a word but I’m going to go
with it.
I look up and make eye contact with TJ, who has been ignoring
me since the Steel brothers have come in. I turned into such a fangirl when I
first met them. I have had the longest and biggest crush on Austin Steel ever
since I first saw him on TV. TJ looks away, setting his plate on the coffee
table in front of him. Danielle and Chris are heavy in a conversation, so I
decide to join TJ on the sofa to keep him company and figure out why he’s
avoiding me. I sit next to him and edge closer to him. “Hey,” I say softly to
him. I smile at his hair sticking out all over the place. He definitely ran out
of bed when Nick mentioned my mom’s cake.
“Hey,” he says back coldly to me while not moving his eyes away
from the TV. I roll my eyes at him. What did I do?
Suddenly, the door gets pushed open and we see Austin being
thrown inside by Carter. She tells him to stay in here before going out
again. Austin stands there, shocked by his sister, and stares at the door. I
giggle at the face he’s pulling. God, he’s so handsome. So rugged, so—
“Your boyfriend’s back.” Hearing his cold tone once more, I turn
to face the guy who I have fallen helplessly in love with since I was nine.
He doesn’t know my feelings towards him because he’s always been such
an player and I’m afraid to get hurt by him. I smirk at him now that I know
he thinks he’s my boyfriend.
Is he jealous?
“What?” he asks me, and I pull him up and drag him to the
bathroom. He doesn’t resist. Once we’re inside, I sit him down on the side
of the bathtub.
“You’re hair is really annoying me today, TJ,” I say with a laugh
and rummage through the drawers for a brush. I hear a small chuckle from
him as I bend down to find the brush I had in mind. I run it under the faucet
after finding it to get it wet to tame this boy’s hair. Shaking off the excess
water, I walk over to him and start to brush it through his dark locks. I’ve
always wanted to run my hands through his hair. Watching those other girls
do it to him all these years broke my heart every time. Watching him make
out with them broke it even more.
My eyes flicker down to his own that are closed with a smile on
his face. I’m standing between his legs as I style his hair. His hair is
compliant, much to my surprise. I released a small chuckle at him and his
eyes open, meeting mine. Like always, I feel my heart speed up at his eyes
locking with mine. His hazel eyes with flecks of gold rimming the iris.
“I always love it when people play with my hair.” He smiles up at
me. I sigh as I remember all of those parties where I’d seen him allowing
some tramp run her fingers through his hair. I feel my stomach drop at the
thought of it.
“You mean, you love it when those girls play with your hair.”
There was a slight bitterness to my tone that I couldn’t hide no matter how
hard I tried. It was too hard for all those years, just watching him allow
them do that. I used to cry at night sometimes, wishing I was the girl he’d
fallen for; that I’d be that girl he ask out and be his first official girlfriend.
“They never did it half as good as you’re doing it right now,
Haley.” His eyes were half-closed, and it made my palms sweat. That look
—that look I’ve seen him do to other girls and never to me. He never saw
me like that. To him, I was his best friend’s little sister. That’s it. I snort at
him being so ridiculous.
Suddenly, the room feels hot and heavy. His hands take my waist
and he pulls me slowly towards him. My breathing is uncontrollable at this
point. Feeling every bit of his touch, I feel my stomach doing flips.
“What are you doing?” I whisper to him. The closer I get, the
more nervous I feel. I swallow hard as his eyes never leave mine.
“What I should’ve done a long time ago,” once he finishes that
sentence, his lips meet mine and it takes my breath away. I drop the brush
on the floor and take hold of his shoulders.
His arms wrap around me, not wanting me to go. Even then, I
wouldn’t want to leave. Our lips are moving in sync with each other, and I
run my hands through his thick black hair. I let out a low moan. I relish in
the feeling because it’s my turn now. His fingers dig into my side, not
causing pain, but letting me know he’s enjoying this just as much as I am.
Feeling his tongue run along my lip, I gasp, letting it slip inside. It’s then
his hand slides up to the back of my head as he kisses me.
He’s really kissing me.
This is mind blowing. There’s a trail of fire leading to my stomach
from his touches. We hear the door close and he pulls apart from me,
thinking that it’s the door to the bathroom opening. Sighing in relief that it
wasn’t, he turn back to face me. I feel my cheeks heat up because I realize I
still have my arms wrapped around him. I back away, feeling embarrassed,
but he pulls me back to him. “Don’t do that, Haley. Don’t run away from
me.” His tone is soft, and I allow him pull me back to him by my hand and,
once I reach him again, he rests his arms around me again.
“Why did you do that?” I whisper to him, trying to not bring
attention to us inside. My heart is beating so hard in my chest.
“Because I wanted to, Haley. I like you, I’ve liked you for so
many years . . .” His winning smile takes over and I replicate his feeling.
The excitement is too hard to contain.
“Really?” I can’t believe that he just said that. He likes me? He’s
liked me all these years? I’m screaming and jumping up and down inside.
“I’ve liked you since our first kiss . . .” I admit truthfully and he pecks my
lips once more, making me melt into him.
Oh God, what is it about him?
“I’ve liked you since then too. Well, I liked you before, but the
kiss only really amplified it for me.” My face is starting to hurt from
grinning so much. The feeling is mutual, is what I want to tell him, but I
can't find the words because I feel so happy. I’ve always thought about this
day but convinced myself that it would never actually happen. He’s around
girls all the time, he has multiple options. I always thought someone else
would be the one for him, breaking my own heart in the process.
I hear Nick’s voice asking for where we are. We need to go back
outside before he thinks of something.
“We need to go back outside, Nick will kill you, TJ,” I whisper to
him and stand up from his touch that I already miss so much. God, I miss
his touch. He agrees and stands up, towering over me.
“Go out with me?” he asks out of nowhere as I put the brush back
inside the drawer. I spin back around so fast, I almost fall over.
 “W-What?” I stutter out in disbelief. Did he just ask that? Did he
just ask me to go out with him.
“Go out with me? Like, let me take you out on a date?” He smiles
contagiously at me. I bite my lip and nod at him, trying to keep my
excitement inside, but it’s proving to be very difficult. “I’ll text you the
details tonight . . .” We turn to walk back outside, but he takes hold of my
hand once more, feeling the burn of his touch. I was about to ask what was
wrong but he read my mind.
“I want one more kiss . . . and I also want you to wear my jersey
to the next game.” He leans down for me to kiss him and I do. I place a soft
kiss on his lips and cup the side of his face as he puts more pressure into it
while backing me against the wall. I smile onto his lips and he pecks me
once more before we leave out the door.
Once we do, we were greeted by my brothers angered voice.
“Where the fuck were you two?” He furrows his brows, reminding me of
my dad when he gets annoyed at me. I roll my eyes at him and keep
walking towards the kitchen, acting like we didn’t just have an make out
session in the bathroom.
“His hair annoyed me, so I fixed it. Thanks for noticing.” I’m
trying to keep my cool so I chose not to face him. I’m silently praying he
buys it.
I hear him laugh hard and I turn around to see TJ about to smack
him. “That’s what you call fixing it? TJ, you look like a fucking choir boy!”
The Steel brothers laugh lowly at him. It looks like Nick’s back in their
good graces. Not that I’m surprised, my brother can charm his way into and
out of anything he wants.
Boys will be boys, I suppose.
The sudden buzzing feeling on my butt snaps me out of my
thoughts. I reach in and take my phone out to see my mom calling me. What
did I do now?
“Hi, Mom!” I answer the call and place it up to my ear. Nick and
TJ’s head whip around to me.
“Haley, sweetheart, how are you?” she asks me. She’s unusually
chirpy today.
“I-I’m good mom, is everything okay?” If I sound skeptical, it’s
because I am. She’s got something up her sleeve, something planned. She’s
too sweet today.
“Oh! Why everything is fabulous, sweetie! Is Nick and TJ there
with you now?” I raise an eyebrow at my brother, who returns it and mouths
“What?” over to me. I take my phone away and put it on speaker.
“Yeah, Mom, they’re here. So is everyone else, so don’t say
anything embarrassing please!” I beg her to not bring up any stories that
could lead to the Steel brothers thinking I’m diseased or something.
“Hi, everyone!” she greets down the line, and everyone replies
back with their own greetings. “I was calling to see if you’d all like to come
down to our house this weekend. Haley, I’m extending the invitation to
your roommates too. It’s my youngest daughter, Ellie’s, birthday. She’s
turning six, so I want to throw her a birthday party, and you’re all
welcome,” she added, very excited that she’s throwing a party.
“Mom, I thought you weren’t throwing her’s alone. What about
Abbie and the joint birthday?” Nick stares at the phone like it’s a life or
death situation. I roll my eyes at how annoying he’s being. It’s our sister’s
birthday, and he sounds like he doesn’t want to be there.
“Oh, but we’ve moved it up to this weekend for the girls so we
can still have the good weather. Carter and Danielle, I hope to see you both
there too. I would love to finally meet you both!” What is this woman on?
Has she started drinking already? She’s acting so weird. My two
roommates mumble a “yes” and a “cool,” and she squeals while me, Nick
and, TJ all roll our eyes.
“Perfect! It’s settled! You girls can stay at our house, there’s
enough room; and TJ, you can stay too! I’ll set you all up in rooms, unless
Haley wants the three of you girls to share in hers? Let me know, the party
is on Sunday at two, you all can drive back up Monday morning for college
then so you don’t miss any classes!” I can practically see her creased brows
through the phone. The warning in her voice tells us to not question it and
just do it. Thankfully, we only live just under two hours away from college,
but it can be up to four depending on traffic.
“I don’t know, Mom, we’ll all be at a part—”
“NICOLAS!”
“Alright, fine, we’ll be there!” Nick’s hands go up, almost like
he’s protecting himself from my mom. That was a bad move on his part.
Never question my mom, especially when the plans are set in stone. Mama’s
boy should know this by now.
“Perfect! Bye, my lovelies! I shall see you all on Sunday!” The
line goes dead, and I hear Nick mumble a curse under his breath. What’s
got him so worked up? He loves Ellie and takes any chance he gets to see
her.
“Thanks for the invite,” Chris comments sarcastically. Carter
whacks him in the stomach.
“You’re not even going to be here, you’re leaving on Thursday!”
Carter playfully yells at her brother, making us all laugh with her. She has
the funniest relationship with her brothers. They clearly adore her and she
adores them in return. She’s so lucky to have such hot brothers. Good God,
are they hot.
“Cooks, you gotta make me two batches of cookies just for that
tone of yours! I’m not a fan of it!” He playfully rubs her hair out of
endearment.
“Not happening, fatty!” She pokes his stomach, making him
flinch. For revenge, he pulls her hand and makes her crash into him.
“Hey! Mom says I look beautiful!” He pouts down at her while
we all sit there, enjoying the playful jabs each one is throwing. She doesn’t
say anything more after an eye roll, but we all burst out laughing. He stands
behind her and wraps his large arms around her shoulders as a sign of
protection. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
I wish TJ would so that to me; wrap his big arms around me as I
cuddle into his chest. I flicker my eyes to him and see he’s already staring at
me. My heart misses a beat, and I gulp down hard.
I want him to cuddle me to sleep. I want to know what that feels
like. I’ve never stayed with a guy. Not even TJ. I’m not a virgin, but I
definitely regret my first time. It was so embarrassing. I was sober and the
guy wasn’t. And it hurt like a bitch. I was a bleeder, too, not that he cared or
noticed.
I send him a smile and he sends me one back.
We’re all sitting on the sofa. We spend the hours watching a
movie. The boys were sitting on the sofa and Carter layed on her brothers’
laps while I sat on TJ and Nick. Danielle is on the single chair but she ran to
it first. The furniture in the dorm is only really able to fit the three of us and
one other person, so it’s a tight squeeze on the sofa.
We’re watching “Iron Man,” courtesy of Danielle. TJ is rubbing
my foot under the blanket. It’s so relaxing, I could fall asleep right now. I’m
usually ticklish with people touching my feet but this feels amazing.
Listening to the TV that’s on full blast, I’m not really watching it.
I’m too focused on what happened between TJ and me in our bathroom. I
smile just at the thought of it. I feel a squeeze on my foot, and I look over to
see the culprit. TJ smirks over at me, and I shyly smile and look away. He
knows I was thinking about it.
Everything is so calm despite how loud the room was. Nobody is
speaking. This day is one of my favourites. I met the Steel brothers and I
got asked out by the guy I’ve been in love with practically my entire life.
This is perfect. Everything is perfect.
I want to live this moment forever and never let it go.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER ELEVEN
Fireball

Carter
I click my pen against my paper in thought about how we should
approach this assignment. I’m so unsure about how reports are written in
college. Research reports are the worst, and I haven’t even written anything.
I sit there and mind-numbingly click my pen, synchronizing with the clock
above us.
Kevin’s hand suddenly rests on my own to stop me. I forgot
people can hear me, even through the walls.
We rented out a study room so we could do this assignment
together and help each other out. He seems to know a way to write this
ungodly report but I cannot seem to motivate myself to do the damn thing.
It’s eating at me. I couldn’t be less motivated even if I tried.
Time is slowly ticking by, and I just want to leave. However, the
deadline is two days from now and I haven’t done a single thing.
College problems.
“You going to keep staring at the blank page or are you going to
start writing down some ideas?” Kevin teases me. His hand runs through his
icy blond locks with a playfully pointed look. As soon as his eyes meet
mine, his brows ride up to tell me he was waiting for a reply.
“My brain isn’t working today,” I say with a sigh and drop my
head onto my arms that are resting on the cold wood. I groan at how tired
I’m feeling. I sleep nearly twelve hours a night but always feel more tired
than when I went to sleep. It’s just a recent thing.
It’s probably because I miss my family. My brothers were the last
to leave me; they left this morning. I miss them so much. I hate being away
from my family. It always bums me out when they leave.
 “Are you okay? You look a little drained,” Kevin asks with a
worried expression. I nod, not lifting my head off my arms.
“I’m just tired, that’s all. I probably need a nap or something.” I
shrug my shoulders while I hear him chuckle beside me.
“Didn’t you sleep for like twelve hours last night? Maybe you
have a cold or something?” he suggests. I groan in frustration, praying that
it’s not. I have the worst immune system. It always fails me, I never have
the strength to fight off sickness on my own. I always end up in the doctor’s
office with multiple prescriptions afterwards.
“Don’t say that . . . I don’t need that on my plate right now.” He
rubs my back out of comfort and I shift my head to the side to see him
smiling down at me.
“How about we just make a plan for today and do some research?
We won’t write up anything and we can do it all tomorrow morning before
our class. It shouldn’t take long to do . . .” I sigh. After a bit, I sit back up
with a smile as I’m making myself comfortable. My head is not in a good
way today, for some reason.
We spend the next couple of hours planning out the report and
writing notes to ourselves while researching, and let me tell you, the time
did not fly by. Typing away on the computer and getting some sort of
momentum going, I finish the last part of the sentence on my last bullet
point. I sit back and breathe a sigh of relief that I actually got something
done today. I haven’t been motivated to do anything other than lie in bed
and read for the last few days.
“Let’s get you home. You look exhausted.” I feel my eyes ride up
to the top of my head while I stare at him.
“Do I really look that bad?”
“Crap! I didn’t mean it like that! You look pretty today—I mean .
. . shit . . . ugh . . . You just look like you . . . Forget it, I’m digging my own
grave right now.” I laugh at him and his eyes widen in surprise at me. I lean
back on the chair and try to cover my cackle while I feel my body shake.
Once I finish, I open my eyes to see a grin on his face. It’s a mixture of
confusion and amusement.
“It’s okay, Kevin, I know I look like crap today . . .” I close my
laptop and slip it inside my handbag then gathered up my notepad and pens.
 “You don’t look like crap, Carter.” I see his cheeks turn light pink
in color as he averts his eyes away from mine so he can pack his stuff away.
I give myself a tight smile, not knowing what to say.
I’ve never been good with compliments. I never got them often
enough to know how to take them. Although, I don’t really know if it was a
compliment to be honest. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.” He towers over
me as he rises to his feet. He’s a tall guy and quite toned too. The girls in
my class gush over him so much. He’s super nice and very sweet. I just
don’t know why he wants to be around me. I’m the complete opposite of
him; awkward and weird.
As soon as we leave the study room and go into the library itself,
he’s hounded by people greeting him. I shift my bag awkwardly up along
my shoulder. Seeing a group of girls I recognize from my class stalk over to
him as we slowly reach my dorm area, I feel out of place next to him, so I
decide to leave him to it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kevin. Thanks for walking me home.” I
smile and was about to walk ahead when his voice stops me.
“Wait—” But before he could say what he wanted to say, he was
interrupted by the gorgeous brunette making her way over to him.
“Kevin! Hey, what’s up! What are you doing outside our dorm?”
she asks, striking up a conversation with him with relative ease. How do
girls do that? I would stand there and stare at the person, hoping they say
something to me. Usually something along the lines of “Can I help you?” or
“Are you okay?” because they don’t understand why I’m talking to them.
“Hey, Rachel, just finished off a study session with Carter. I’m
just walking her back to her dorm.” He smiles at me and I fidget with my
top.
“You’re such a gentleman, Kevin,” she says with a purr over to
him. She takes one step into his personal space and I know that’s my cue to
leave. I walk ahead, waving him off and he once again bellows a “Wait!”
over at me, making me turn back around.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell . . .” He laughs awkwardly while
rubbing the back of his neck. “We still on for tomorrow? I was thinking
nine? Before class? We could grab a bite to eat and get going on the report.”
Before I speak up, the girl who had been talking to him before me got there
first.
 “I would love to! I need to get this report done, it’s been hanging
over my head for a while.” She batts her eyelashes at him and he smiles at
her before turning back to me.
“Well, actually, I was asking Carter . . . I promised I’d help her
out tomorrow.” I see her cheeks heat up with embarrassment from what he
said. This so awkward. Before anything registered with me, I blurt out,
“You can join us if you want? The more the merrier, right?” I bite my lip as
I watch Kevin clear his throat and widen his eyes. I don’t know if that’s
what he was implying? This is why I avoid people, because I say stupid
things that I know I will regret.
“Yeah, sure . . .” he mumbles. The girls are delighted to join us. I
honestly don’t mind, and I hope Kevin doesn’t either. If he does, I would be
doing some serious making up. I just can’t read him. “Um, I’m just going to
walk Carter to her room . . . I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow?” He sends her a
smile and she returns it. He meanders around them to walk in step with me.
He puts his hand on my back, guiding me through the bodies outside the
building. While going through the lobby, he gets a few stares yet continues
to bring me to my room. We take the stairs to the fourth floor. By the time
we reach it, both of us are struggling to breathe.
“Next time, we’ll take the elevator,” he pants out with a small
laugh and I laugh along with him. I nod in agreement. Those stairs are only
made for when you’re going down them. We walk to my door. I know
Danielle is the only one in there because Haley is in the library cramming
for a test for tomorrow. She’s like a demon at the moment, so we’re steering
clear of her, advice courtesy of Nick.
I smile at the thought of that day he told us to stay away from
Haley when she studies. “She’s like an angry troll.” I remember him saying.
Reaching my door, I put the key in and unlock it.
“You want to come in?” I ask him before I hear a crash and an
angry grunt followed by someone yelling, “NICK!” My eyes widen as I
witness Nick running by me then stop and trail back turning his head to face
me. His eyes dart from me to Kevin behind me, narrowing his eyes to slits.
“Who the hell are you?” he asks, and a pillow flies at the back of
his head. I turn my eyes to see Haley being pinned down by TJ on the floor
and her screaming for him to get off. I thought she was studying? I know
she’s thoroughly enjoying him on her. She informed Danielle and me on
their little date and make out session.
“NICK! You’re such a dick wad!” Haley screams at his direction
and TJ breaks out in laughter, lying back on the floor and allowing her to
get up and lunge for her brother.
“What the fuck?” Kevin whispers out while we see Haley run
towards Nick and jump on him. I place my hand over my mouth, trying not
to laugh. It’s very hard not to, seeing a five-foot-three girl slapping her six-
foot-two older brother on the face and sitting on top of him.
“Shit, Haley! Jesus, will you chill!” He laughs at her and tries to
cover his face with his arms.
“Chill? CHILL?! I’ll give you fucking chill, you dick head!” He
continues to laugh. TJ hasn’t stopped laughing either. He’s rolling around
on the wooden floor, laughing at the girl he likes beating her older brother.
“I’m sorry! Look—OW! Fuck! HALEY, get off me! NOW!” She
continues to find an opening to get to his face. “Not the money maker!
Come on!” he says with a laugh, and she grunts in response, trying to get
the perfect connection.
“You ate my fucking slice, Nick!” she screams. “You’re the
worst!” she yells right in his face.
“Fucking hell! You’d swear you’re on your period, Haley!” he
teases her and I release my laugh, leaning on the door.
“Nick!” I walk over to her to take her off him, seeing as TJ is not
going to help one bit. I hear Kevin snort behind me and it sets me off on a
small giggling session of my own. I grip onto Haley’s waist, trying to drag
her off and I slip on something and land right on my back. Silence deafens
the room instantly.
“Shit! Carter, are you alright?” Nick pushes Haley off and
crouches over me and I start to laugh, bringing my knees up to my chest.
Why am I such an embarrassing person?
“I’m fine.” I sit up on my arms and stare at Kevin, who is still
next to the door, then over to Haley, who is biting her tongue and trying not
to say anything. Then once she snaps out of it, she whacks Nick on the
back. I almost felt that thump.
“OW! Haley! What was that for?!” He spins around at his
flustered sister sitting on her butt on the rug.
 “She slipped because of you, you dipshit! That was your fault!”
She narrows her eyes at him and he shakes his head, trying to bite back a
smile.
“Are you alright? I’m sorry, the gremlin is out today.” He gestures
his head to Haley, and I snort at the face she’s making at his head. Kevin
steps inside and holds his hand out for me. I take it and he pulls me up off
the floor, pressing his lips together to not laugh.
“Go on, laugh. I know you’re dying to.” I shake my head, and he
lets it rip along with everyone else in the room. I walk over to the kitchen to
wash my hands. I giggle at myself and my clumsiness. I wipe my hands on
the towel and see that everyone has calmed down. I meet Nick’s eyes and
they pulse through me like no tomorrow.
I haven’t seen him in a couple of days, but those eyes give me the
same reaction no matter how often I see him. He gets more handsome every
time I see him.
He clears his throat and looks away from me. I focus my attention
back to Kevin, still standing by the door. I walk back and close it behind
him and invite him inside. “Kevin, this is Nick and TJ. You know Haley.
This is Kevin.” I point to him to introduce him to everyone. Nick shakes his
hand but I don’t miss the wince from Kevin. Then TJ shakes his hand and
almost does the same. I roll my eyes at how alpha male they’ve gone.
“Come, sit down. I’ll make food.” I point to a seat in the kitchen.
Kevin sits in one and Haley joins him then the two boys. I place two pizzas
in the oven and place some fries along with it. I tell everyone that I’m going
to change as I direct my way to my room.
“Hopefully, Nick remembers to knock once the food is ready,” TJ
teases his best friend and Nick smacks him on the back of the head. I shut
my door immediately, feeling my cheeks heat up. I was so embarrassed
when he walked in on me. Thank God I was in my underwear. Plus, I’m not
in shape right now, so everything is jiggly. I groan at the memory, I can’t
believe he saw me half naked.
He was so in shape and fit when I saw him in his underwear. He
plays football, I know, but I felt so self-conscious, especially now. I hide my
figure all the time nowadays. I wear jeans and jumpers to hide it. I don’t
have a great body. I never did. There were times when I would absolutely
avoid mirrors because I hated looking at myself. I feel myself going back to
that stage and avoiding my own reflection.
I slip my hoody over a pair of leggings and walk back out to see
the two boys quizzing Kevin, but Kevin stands up and slides the chair back
in. “Hey, I’m sorry but I just got a message from my roommate to come and
do an assignment that I completely forgot about. I need to do it tonight. I’m
sorry, I know you were making me food, and I wish I could stay . . .” He
sends me an apologetic smile.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. We always have leftovers anyway.
Thanks for walking me here, though. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I see the
smile fall off his face and I don’t know why? Did I say something?
“Can we reschedule for lunchtime instead? I’ll be up all night
doing this assignment. Plus, I’d really want Rachel to not come with us . . .”
He bites the inside of his cheek and I nod, surprised by what he said.
“I thought you wanted her there? That’s why I asked her to come?
I’m sorry if I put you in an awkward position. I just th—”
“No, no! It’s fine. It’s just . . . we um . . . We dated in high school
. . . so she likes to meddle and make her claim. I’m not interested though,”
he adds that last part in. I’m not really sure why.
“Okay . . . well . . . lunchtime then? It gives me more time to
sleep,” I joke with him and he smiles across the way. I walk over to the
door and open it for him.
“I’ll text you when I’m leaving so we can meet up. I know a quiet
place where we can get stuff done. I’ll tell Rachel we cancelled.” Seeing
him beam a smile at me, I wave him off as he leaves down the corridor. I
close the door and walk back to check on the food.
“You guys still want some?” I ask those sitting around the table.
Seeing them nod and smile, I turn back to take out the plates because it’s
nearly ready.
“You have a date tomorrow?” I freeze after hearing that word.
“When were you going to tell me?” Haley whines again.
“I don’t have a date tomorrow.”I reply back to her in a skeptical
tone. She sends me that look that just screams “are you kidding me?” Kevin
and I are just doing an assignment, it doesn’t classify as a date.
“Carter, come on, Kevin clearly likes you! It was written all over
his face!” I widen my eyes as I look at her and shake my head.
 “N-No he doesn’t? He just . . . he’s like that with everyone. He’s a
nice guy.” I hear her snort and an “OW” leave her mouth. I whip my head
up to see she’s glaring at Nick.
“Sorry, my foot slipped.” Now it was TJ’s turn to snort. What is
going on between those boys? I’m so lost right now. But I don’t want to
draw any attention to it, I don’t have the energy to sit and listen. I just want
some food and then crawl into bed.
I serve up the food and place it in the center for everyone. The
guys take a mountain, as expected, while Haley and I take little bites here
and there.
“You both eat like birds.” TJ laughs at our plate, not even being
half of what they have on theirs.
“Well, at least we don’t eat like wild beasts that haven’t been fed
for a week!” she snaps back at him, making him grin in response. She is not
in a good mood, and TJ loves pushing her buttons. If he wants that date, he
better not go any further.
After a while, I kept yawning and widening my eyes to keep them
open. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I needed to sleep. I push the chair back
and place my plate in the sink, reminding myself to wash it tomorrow
morning before my lecture. I get funny stares from all three of them and I
wave them good night.
“I’m sorry, you guys, I’m exhausted right now. I’m going to go to
sleep. ’Night.” They all wish me good night as I shut my door and climb
under the sheets. I hear the muffled sound of the TV outside my door and I
relax my head into my cold pillow. I sigh at the feeling of it on my skin. I
feel something buzz in my pocket. I shuffle in my bed to retrieve the phone
from inside my pants.

Kevin: I’ll come get you at 12 tomorrow to do the

assignment! Hopefully you’ll feel better and sorry for rushing off.
Me: Perfect! I’ll see you then, no need it’s
understandable.

I place my phone back down on the bedside table and shuffle into
a comfy position. I need to warm up my body, the cold sheets is too much
for me now. I place my hoody over me and feel much better. I drift off
unknowingly.
Sleep.
Just what I needed.

* * *

Nick
“Aaaaand release!” Bulldog bellows over me. On cue, the ball
cuts through the air and lands right in his hands. “Perfect, Jackson! You do
that today, you’ll be unstoppable! Keep your eyes on your men! No room
for mistakes today, you got that?” I nod with a smile on my face. The smile
for one reason and one reason only.
She’s here.
She’s come to watch me play today, just like she promised. I feel
like such a kid waiting for her to sit with Danielle and Haley in the stands. I
want to show her what I’ve got, how good I am, and to impress the shit out
of her. Not to get to her dad, I just want to get to her.
I want her.
I’ve made it my mission to get her. It clicked when she looked up
at me with her doe-like blue eyes while she was sitting on the floor after she
slipped. I rushed to her side immediately to help her up. When those eyes
met mine, I couldn’t help the feeling I got. I started to sweat. My veins
started to pump the adrenaline around my body. The excitement; the heart
palpitations; the feeling of wanting to touch her soft skin; the need to wrap
my arms around her. I want her. I really, really want her.
“Jackson! Keep focused! Come on, put your dick back inside! I
know you’re waiting on a certain lady to take her seat. So if it becomes a
problem, I may ask her to leave!” A flash of panic races across my face
because I know he would. He’s done it to other players before. He’s asked
the person who has distracted the player to leave the stadium. No doubt
he’ll do it for me too.
I throw the ball over to him with a little more force that necessary
to show him I’m not happy. He smirks at me, he read me like a book. “I
would rather a fireball in the form of a shot, not a football, Jackson. Don’t
get pissy with me! Focus. Now,” he says lowly and points the tip of the ball
in my direction.
He’s right. I need to keep these feelings to myself. I can’t let them
dictate my play. That’s when distractions come in. I can’t afford that if I
want to go pro. I throw him one again and see the grin take form again.
“Better; much, much better. Remember that feeling; remember
that throw. Stay focused. You’ll be pro in no time, kid!” He’s always been
so supportive of me. He reminds me of my dad. That’s why I take to him so
much. He’s an honest man and a straight shooter. “Come on, we’ve gone
over time. You need to get inside the locker room and change.” I nod and
turn on my heel, lifting my drenched top over my head. It’s fucking hot
today. As soon as it’s off, I automatically scan the stands and see her.
I stand there frozen while I watch her laugh with my sister. She’s
setting her bag down and sits in her seat between the two girls. The stadium
is filled to the brim with people, but my eyes are only on her. As if she felt
my stare, her eyes meet mine, and I gulp down at the sight of her. I see her
eyes scan my chest, stopping at my abs and then immediately back up to my
eyes.
“Ahem . . . Are you two going to stop gawking at each other so
we can start this game?” I hear my best friend’s laugh erupt and I slap him
on his own bare chest. He always catches me these days. I’m not really
discreet but it’s fucking hard to look away when I see her. The sight of her
just does something to me. It’s like she slaps me in the face and grabs hold
of it with both hands, restricting my eyes from looking elsewhere. This girl
has got me by the balls and doesn’t even realize it.
The three of them wave at us and we wave back. TJ pushes me
towards the locker room. I wish I could have her with me on the field and
teach her a few things, even though she probably already knows how to
throw a ball or hike it back to me. Damn, I would love to see that cute butt
in the air when she bends over to snap the ball back to me.
The stadium is huge and the crowd fills it easily. We attract a lot
of support. We are at the top of the league. I have a lot of pressure on my
shoulders with each game, no thanks to Austin Steel. He set the bar high, so
high that I have to live up to it. To meet him was unbelievable. Chris as
well.
But their sister, Miss Carter Steel, something else.
 We walk through the tunnel to get to the refurbished locker room
and I hear our studs clicking on the hard surface. The sound I’ve heard so
many times on a daily basis.
Pushing the door open, I’m greeted with half naked bodies that
I’m used to seeing. I trudge over to my bench and see my jersey hanging
nicely under the small arch. I spray some deodorant on before I have my
padding sorted.
This is when the nerves set in.
My leg bounces up and down. MS state is gracing our field today.
They’re on our turf—my turf. We need to win this. We need to keep our
title. I need scouts eyeing me up at every game, but the girl sitting in the
front row sandwiched between two of her roommates is not helping my
focus or nerves right now.
A hand on my back drags me out of my thoughts and back to the
present. Bulldog is hovering over me with a worried look in his eyes.
“Jackson, if you don’t focus, I will have to ask her to leave. Get it
together.” I nod and sigh.
“I’m just nervous, that’s all. I’ll be good once I get going,” I
reassure him, but he’s not buying it.
“Nerves will help, just stay focused . . . Piece of advice: stay in
the moment and trust yourself. Play your own game. Then, when it’s over
and you’ve won, go and kiss the shit out of her!” He chuckles, making me
smile. Easing into the moment, we all leave out the tunnel to be greeted
with loud roars. With my team behind me, I try not to look out into the
stands to search for Carter.
“Stay focused, Nick,” I whisper to myself as I see the opposing
team walking around on my field with their captain psyching them up. The
bowl-shaped stadium all brings the attention down to the two teams, mine
and his.
Game on.
The game starts with a thunder around us. This game is different
compared to the last. It feels different, more intense. TJ is on fire tonight.
He’s everywhere. Running around freely like he’s being chased by a hungry
dog. Ryan too. Ryan is open most of the game, and I use that to my
advantage. We’re annihilating this team. My arm is behaving today.
 Touchdown after touchdown, we then begin to slip a little, leaving
ourselves open for them to get a touchdown of their own. Dammit. I wanted
a perfect score without them getting a chance.
Although we were ahead, the game was very intense. They
couldn’t keep up with us, but their defense was on point. They made it very
hard for me to get the play to my guys, but I still managed to get
touchdowns. The game is called, and we won by a mountain. Surprised by
the gap, I stand there and think how the fuck that happened. MS state were
on their game tonight, but we were something else. We walked all over
them with no mercy. TJ runs towards me taking his helmet off, revealing his
sweaty head.
“Holy fuck, Nick, you were on fire today!” He slaps my helmet. I
laugh at him.
“I could say the same to you, TJ. Every time I looked up, you
were running.” I pull my helmet off and drop it down on the ground.
“Carter wouldn't have anything to do with it, right?” He wiggles
his eyebrows suggestively. I roll my eyes, trying to hide my smile but I
can’t. She had everything to do with it. “Holy shit! Bro, you need to just
accept that you like her. I can see it all over your damn face, Jackson.” He
pokes my cheek and I swat his hand away while laughing at him.
“Shut up, TJ.” I start laughing again. I’m not telling him. He’ll let
it slip and tell everyone. That stays between me, myself, and I. And maybe
Carter. Someday.
We all gather around, congratulating each other and the staff for
such a great game. We all just clicked today. A few messy passes here and
there, but overall we played like we’ve been playing together all our lives.
Smiles were worn all around the stadium, but there was only one smile I
wanted to see.
And I see it from a distance. She’s talking with Haley while
Danielle flirts with a guy sitting beside her. Both of them are laughing about
something—something that I want to know. Watching her giggle and cover
her mouth with her hand makes me smile too.
The light wind blows her hair around her face. Her cheeks are a
rose red, probably from the heat. I feel like a creep admiring her from afar. I
focus my attention back on the guys and see them all staring at me with
huge grins on their faces, all of them except for Ryan.
 “Glad to have you back, Jackson. Thought I was going to have to
light a fire under your ass to get your attention back . . .” he mutters lowly.
“I must say, I can see why you’re so distracted right now.” Coach bobs his
head over to the girls. I feel the embarrassment in my cheeks. I apologize
and listen to him talk to my team. “Good work guys! Training in the gym
this Monday at nine! If you’ve got class, then report to me and I’ll
reschedule it to the evening for you. We need to keep this momentum! That
was the best I’ve ever seen all of you play! You in particular, Jackson. Your
arm was unstoppable!” He slaps his hand on my shoulder pad making it dip.
The guys congratulate me and I thank them.
Showered and ready to see the girls, I’m waiting on TJ, who is
fixing his hair in the mirror of the restroom. I stand there and study him.
This idiot is taking too damn long.
“TJ, hurry the fuck up! You’re worse than my mom!” I bellow at
him and leave the restroom, grabbing my bag. He saunters out of the
restroom and grins at me.
“I can’t have Haley fixing my damn hair again at this party, Nick.
I’ll look like a kid walking out of Sunday school . . .” I laugh and agree
with him. His hair is still a mess though. It always was, not that he ever
cared, but for some strange reason he does now. “Let’s go.” He walks by me
and out the doors of the stadium where I’m greeted by Haley and a hug, like
always. She then moves to TJ and I focus back on Danielle and Carter
standing there and watching this.
“You guys were unbelievable out there! NICK! Your arm was like
a cannon! And TJ, you were like the Road Runner!” We both laugh at
Haley and I see the two girls behind her nod their heads. We really did want
to know what Carter thought though. She’s a football fanatic. The girl with
the famous football name. The girl who’s name has so many ties in this
industry.
“You guys were amazing!” Carter beams at both of us. “I was
pleasantly sur—”
“Nick!” I hear an all too familiar voice behind me. I turn around
to see Erin, or that girl I fucked a long while ago. I think her name is Erin. I
groan, wanting to know what Carter thought of our game, especially about
what she thought about me on the field.
Dammit, Erin. You had to come over, didn’t you?
 “Hey . . .” I trail off, not remembering her name.
“Mia.” She points to herself and I cough a little, thinking I was
way off with her name.
Whoops.
“Hey, what’s up?” I am trying to be polite, but I really just want to
get rid of her. I see her eyes turn back behind her to a group of girls leaning
against the glass of the stadium, waiting for her. Then her eyes wander to
me, then TJ.
“We’re having a party at the sorority house tonight. You guys are
welcome to come and join us, if you want?” she invites us flirtatiously. I
remember her game so well. She flirts real hard, isolates you, gets you
fucking wasted, and the next thing you know, you’re waking up next to her
naked in her bed.
“Cool!” Haley smiles up at her but Mia looks at her like she has
five heads.
“ I was asking them. We have enough girls at the house for the
team. I’ll let you know if we need another, but for now . . . we’re good.”
She sends her the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. Little does she know, she’s
related to me. That’s her first slip up. This is what usually happens. When
I’m with my sister, they think she’s a lost puppy, but when they realize
we’re related, they act all sweet and look like they shit roses. I see right
through them though. They just want one thing: me.
“Uh, excuse you. He’s my brother, and I most certainly do not
need to cater for his needs . . . or anyone else’s for that matter.” She puts a
hand on her hip while the other two girls stand there with their eyes darting
back and forth between them. I catch Carter’s eyes and she sends me a
small smile, then she averts them quickly.
“We’ll go”—I watch Mia’s face light up—“but they come with
us.” I point to the three girls and she immediately drops her grin for a
second. I see her nod and plaster back on the fake smile.
What the fuck did I see in her?
“Fine. Come find me later . . . if you want round two.” She winks
and leaves us alone. I don’t bother to look at her, but I can see Haley’s eyes
trained on her and then another scowl crawls on her face.
“What a social climber . . .” Haley folds her arms and rolls her
eyes. If she rolls them again, they’ll probably get stuck; she does that so
often.
“Come on, cranky pants, lets go.” TJ pulls her out of her funk and
we all walk towards his car. It lights up as we near it. We place our bags in
the trunk while the girls climb in the back, both me and TJ up front. I close
the door as soon as Carter gets in. I slide in and buckle up.
“Here’re your heels, guys!” Haley pulls out numerous pairs of
shoes and passes them down to the right person, each of them slipping them
on, with me and TJ laughing as we watch them. They all peel off their tops
to reveal what’s underneath, and we watch them with raised eyebrows. Both
TJ and I swivel in our seats, watching this magic show unfold as we wait
for another trick.
“Well, are we going or are you just going to sit there and stare at
us?” Danielle points out the front window.
“We were waiting for the grand finale,” TJ teases them, and I
chuckle at him. He starts up the engine and we drive to the sorority house.
This will be my second party with Carter. This time there will be nothing
happening to her, I’ll make sure of it.
Once we arrive, I step out and reach back to get her door. Her foot
meets the pavement, and I get a glimpse of what she changed into. A yellow
string top tucked into her black jeans with heels that spell out “come to me
big boy.” I bite the inside of my cheek at how sexy she looks.
“You look nice,” I compliment her and I watch her eyes snap up
to mine. A sincere smile appears on her face as she closes the door.
“Thanks. So . . . um . . . So do you.” She’s blushing, and I smile at
how cute she looks when she does that. She’s so innocent and pure. I like
that about her.
“Thanks,” I reply over the booming beat that greets us when the
door opens up. We all look over to see Kelly standing there and checking TJ
out as soon as he walks through the threshold.
“Fuck!” he curses as his attention goes back on me. He gives me a
“help me” look and I nod, telling him I’ve got his back. Kelly was TJ’s last .
. . Well, I don’t really know what she was. She likes to call him her
boyfriend, whereas to him, she was just a quick fuck in the restroom, but
she hasn’t left him alone since then. As you might’ve guessed, he regrets
getting with her.
 “TJ! I had no idea you were coming tonight, babe! You look . . .
hot!” She struts over and checks him out. Haley and Danielle stand beside
Carter. They are all watching this unfold. For once, it’s not me. Thank the
Lord.
“Thanks . . . bye!” He walks by her, allowing the three girls to
walk in front of him. He’s trying to get away from her. She steps in front of
him but allows the girls to pass. She presses her hand on his chest and leans
into him, her tits spilling out of that dress she’s wearing and pressed against
TJ. He steps back and looks at the girls, who look curious as to who she is.
They don’t want to know this girl. She’s just like Maya—annoying as fuck.
They’re actually best friends. Haley knows her and is not a fan. Not many
people are when it comes to her and Maya.
“Do I not get a hello kiss from you?” She starts flirting with him
and he laughs hard in her face.
Suddenly, he stops and looks her dead in the eyes. “No,” he says
tersely and removes her hand from him and continues to walk to the girls.
Once he’s inside the makeshift living room, I’m standing there alone. I
brush past her while she stares at his retreating frame.
“Oh, Nick! Maya is in there looking for you.” She smirks at me as
I walk away from her. This annoying little witch has always pushed Maya
on me.
When I walk inside, the music is blaring right in my ears. I wince
at first, slowly adjusting to the beat. The rooms have an orange tint to it,
and I saunter around until I can recognize a familiar face. I see Danielle
talking to one of the guys at a wall. Then I see Haley and TJ in the kitchen,
with Carter pouring drinks. I decide to join them and grab a beer. One won’t
hurt. TJ already hands me one and I take the first sip, sighing in relief.
I look down at the blue eyed girl looking around the room,
uncomfortable in the setting. I lean down to talk in her ear, “You wanna
head outside? It’s a little loud in here!” I ask and I see her head nod up and
down. I mouth to TJ that we’re heading outside, who nods and stays with
Haley in the kitchen. Thank God. I wanted some alone time with Carter.
I shut the backdoor, restricting the music from leaving. It’s quieter
out here. You can still hear the chatter of people and feel the beat, but I can
at least hear myself breathe. We sit on two chairs under a small dim light
with a table underneath it.
Alone at last.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWELVE
I’ve Never Met Someone Like You

Carter
We sit at the table and chairs set located under a low light. It’s still
warm enough outside. It’s dark, and the trees in the back hiss as the wind
brushes over the leaves lightly.
“Well . . . are you going to leave your thoughts in your head or are
you going to share them so I can get feedback from someone who knows
what they’re talking about? Because I would really like you to choose the
second option.” I see the bottle rest on his lips as he takes a sip. He sends
me that glowing smile I’ve seen all day. He’s even more happy after his
win.
I smile and stare out at nothing in front of me. I replay the game
in my head. Watching him in his uniform, watching his hard features focus
on the game; living in the moment.
He nudges me, taking me out of the memory. “Well? What’ll it be,
Steel?” he teases me. I open my mouth to answer him but the back door
opens up and people spill out of it to make their way over to us. Mainly to
him, they don’t know who I am.
“Jackson! You were on fire tonight!” One girl saunters over with a
guy around her shoulders. They look like a couple. She’s tall and toned with
curly black hair just below her shoulders, glowing tanned skin, and black
denim shorts that showcase her mile-long legs. A blue flowing top is tucked
inside the denim shorts, much like mine, and she pairs it with strapped heels
that wrap up around her calves. Overall, this girl is beautiful.
“Thanks, Cas! Hey, Reggie!” Nick stands up to shake the guy’s
hand and give her a hug. I sit there, biting my cheek because I’m so
awkward. “Guys, this is Carter. Carter, this is Reggie and his fiancé, Cas.
Reggie’s on the team! “ Nick teases them and I watch her blush while
Reggie stares down adoringly at her. My brows ride up at what he said.
They’re engaged? They’re both so young. It looks like she caught on to my
expression and shakes her head rapidly.
“Not engaged! Jackson, you asshole!” She kicks Nick as he goes
to sit back down beside me. I smile up at her. She seems really cool, very
approachable.
“Not yet!” Reggie winks at her and I watch her bury her head into
his chest as he pulls her close to him. These two are so cute together. I can
see they both adore one another.
“It’s nice to meet you both!” I finally speak up and they both
smile down at me.
“So, you’re Carter?” Reggie grins down at me and I nod slowly,
unsure at what he’s implying. His eyes shift over to Nick; I see Cas also
grinning down at him. “I’ve heard so much about you from Nick!” I watch
the grin get bigger and, out of the corner of my eye, I see Nick shake his
head. They both take a seat opposite to us as we drink together.
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing?” I joke and
laughter echoes at my nervousness.
“Don’t worry, it’s all good! Weren’t you at the gala last week? I
didn’t know Roger Steel had a daughter.” He smiles at me but I freeze when
he mentions my family name. Nick catches on to my reaction and steers the
conversation away from that topic.
“She was at our game tonight! I was trying to get some critical
feedback out of her but it seems we keep getting interrupted by people.” He
sends Reggie a pointed look, making him chuckle lowly. The table goes
silent and everyone is looking at me. “Well? You going to dodge the
question again or are you going to shed some light on your thoughts?” Nick
leans forward so that he’s close to me.
“You were good.” I nod while making eye contact with him. I
hear Reggie snort while Nick puts on mischievous grin on his face.
“Good? That’s all?” He tilts his head to the side, challenging me. I
feel the grin on my own face creep up as I’m watching him wait for an
answer more in-depth than “good” from me. I silently judge if he can
handle my critical comments. They’re not too bad, he played really well. I
just have some observations.
“You really want to hear it.” He nods.
 Reggie says teasingly, “Uh oh, I don’t like that sound of that!” I
laugh. I press my lips together in thought about how I’ll put it.
“Come on, Steel, spit it out.” He pokes me and leans back in the
chair. I’ve grown up watching this game my entire life. I pick up on things
the same way coaches do. I’m definitely my dad’s daughter.
“You’re not quick enough on your decisions. You’re release was
too slow, but you played well because your blindside was blocked
exceptionally well by your teammate. If he wasn’t on his game, you
would’ve been crushed. You held the ball a fraction too long. Don’t get me
wrong, your throws were like darts; exact. You also seemed a little
distracted; I could read that from a mile away and I’ve only seen you play
in person once but . . . you have a strong arm—a very strong arm. If you
could make faster decisions, you would be better than any quarterback I’ve
seen. That’s your downfall; you hold on to that ball a second too long when
you need to release quicker than what you normally do,” I finish with a
shrug, and just he sits there with his mouth hanging open. I hear Cas giggle
at his reaction.
“Well shit, Jackson, she’s got you there!” Reggie says with a
laugh but Nick is still in shock at what I said. I look down at my feet,
embarrassed that I probably insulted him. He’s probably used to being
praised, and I knocked his ego down a little. He still hasn’t said anything
while the couple across from us can’t help but laugh at him.
“But you played really well! I’m sorry . . . I didn’t mean to insult
you . . . I don’t even play football, so who am I to judge you, right?” I rub
my palm awkwardly along my jeans because I’m sweating from all the
attention I’m getting right now.
“No, don’t be sorry! I don’t disagree with you. I was sloppy with
my decisions, I knew that. How were you able to pick up on that?” he asks
me in disbelief.
I shrug. “My dad. I listened to him a lot growing up, so I see
things the same way he does. I don’t know . . . I pick up on small things like
that . . .” It’s practically second nature for me at this point. I play with the
plastic cup and then meet his eyes.
I clear my throat, meeting his gaze that’s gone darker. Is he pissed
at me? “I didn’t mean to insult you, Nick . . .” I take his arm. He wanted
criticism, and I gave it to him. I feel him tense suddenly and I drop my hand
away from him.
“You didn’t. Honestly, I agree with what you’re saying.” He starts
to play with the bottle in his hand, wiping the print on the surface, the cool
droplets threatening to run down the side.
“Trust me, if you can perfect that, that you’ll be pro in no time!”
His grin comes back to his face and he sips the bottle.
“Why do I get the feeling that there’s more?” he asks as he leans
back. I press my lips together, trying to hide my smile. He’s reading me too
well. I don’t like that. “Come on, keep going. I know there’s more!” He
laughs, winding his finger around the air. I shake my head and he leans
forward, edging closer to my face. “Carter . . . come on, I’m going to
criticized in the future. I might as well get used to it.” I watch as his Adam’s
apple bob when he swallows another gulp of the beer. He sends me a
reassuring smile telling me it’s alright to voice my opinion.
“The anticipation of slating Jackson is killing me, girl! Tell us!”
Cas squeals and laughs with Reggie. She nears the edge of her seat as if I’m
going to let her in on a secret that shouldn’t be shared. I smile as I try to
hold it in and I look back over to Nick.
“You seem to favor TJ. I know you’ve played together for
practically your whole life, but you have other guys on the team; use them.
It’s like you’re afraid to change up your routine. There were loads of free
players that you didn’t see. You need to have more of an open mind. Look
around, you won’t be insulting TJ if someone else gets the ball. You’re
playing to win. Have alternatives.” I watch him nod attentively as his
shoulders drop a little. “I know it’s easy for me to say that watching from
the stands. All the while, you’re under pressure on the field. It’s just two
comments. Two that are probably wrong, it’s just my opinion. I’m not a
coach or a professional—”
“But you’re the daughter of one,” he points out. I agree with him,
looking down at the ground. I did insult him. I knew I should’ve kept it to
myself. I watch the ants crawl around in the grooves of the tiling under my
feet. “Hey, I appreciate the criticism. It’s cool, Carter! Seriously, no hard
feelings.” I nod to him because his voice was so soft. It sounded like he was
actually alright with my comments, but I can’t help but feel bad. I’m not a
professional; I could have read the game wrong. I’m just a girl who’s never
even played the damn sport.
“Do Reggie next!” Cas requests with a laugh, pointing to her
boyfriend. I giggle at her reaction along with Nick. She got so much
enjoyment out of it.
“No way! I’m a sensitive guy! I’m not equipped for that!” he
jokes. I sip on my drink while we laugh at everything and nothing for the
next while. These two are so sweet. It’s so easy talking with them. I like
Cas. She’s kind and doesn’t take anything seriously. The conversation with
them is so easy, so carefree. They didn’t treat me any differently even when
they knew who I was. Initially, I thought Reggie would have, but he
surprised me by treating me like I didn’t have a famous last name.
“I’m going to get another drink! See you guys around!” We both
nod. He continues, “Nice to meet you, Carter!” Cas waves at me and walks
with Reggie while I repeat what she said back to the both of them with a
wave of my own.
“They’re so nice.” I watch them walk back inside together, kissing
each other once they were through the door. Reggie never removed his arm
around her shoulders the entire time we were out here. It’s was so cute to
watch that happen. I felt my heart swell watching both of them. They were
definitely couple goals. You can see their love for each other in their eyes
when they looked at one another. It was like watching one of those romance
novels come to life right before your eyes.
“Yeah, they’re super chill! Every time one of the guys is sick, Cas
comes over to the house and nurses them back to life. She’s studying to be a
nurse, so she gets practice in our house,” he jokes with me. I could see her
doing that. She seems like the type that would help anyone. She has a kind
heart and I admire that about her. She really showed it when we were
talking.
“They’re really cute together,” I blurt out and I watch his head
turn to me with a smile on his face. He nods after a minute of just staring at
me.
“Yeah, they are. They’re practically married.” He laughs and I
smile back at him. I take another sip of my drink and watch it disappear.
“You want another?” I chug back the rest and nod while we both stand up
simultaneously to walk back inside. The booming music meets our ears as
we enter into the kitchen again and see more people than when we came in.
“That’s a lot of people,” I mumble to myself and feel a hand on
the small of my back guiding me along to the drinks. Nick pushes me along
to the options and I take out the same vodka TJ used to mix my drink then
found some fruit juice to mix it with. Nick pops off the top of a fresh, ice-
cold bottle and next thing I know, I’m being dragged inside by someone.
I try to turn around but I get pushed into gyrating bodies that are
bumping off me. Hands grip my hips, and I spin myself around to meet
Ryan’s glazed over stare. He’s swaying me little. I watch him awkwardly,
not knowing what to do.
He leans over and slurs into my ear, “Loosen up, Steel, dance with
me!” He smiles. I feel like I’m out of my depth. I’m not used to being
around cramped areas. I’m not claustrophobic or anything, it’s just that it’s
hot and clammy in here. I honestly feel weird being here.
He takes hold of my hips again and sways them for me. My drink
starts spilling everywhere. Someone bumps on my elbow and it spills on the
girl next to me. Hearing her squeal, she turns around and I see that it’s
Maya. Her eyes turn to red when they land on me.
Oh shit.
Why doesn’t she like me? I’ve never done anything to her.
“Did you just pour your fucking drink on me?” she yells in my
face. I feel my heart hammering as I stand there in shock. “Did you?
Answer the fucking question!” I shake my head and lick my lips, feeling the
sudden dryness on the surface.
“I-I’m sorry. Someone bumped on my arm and it spilled over. I’m
sorry!” She steps closer into my personal space and I feel like I’m shaking.
I’ve never been one for conflict, but I will defend myself if it comes to it if
you push me too far.
“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry? Do you know how much
this dress cost me? Look at it! You ruined it!” She looks down at the small
splash that’s on her pink dress. It’s tiny. I mentally roll my eyes at how
overdramatic she’s being.
“Maya, chill. it’s not that bad.” Her eyes whip to Ryan, who holds
up his hands in surrender, and she yells at him to stay out of it. Turning her
eyes back to me, I gulp down at the fire in her eyes. She already hates me
enough as it is—for someone reason—I don’t need this to add to it. She’s
borderline breathing fire at this point.
“I’m sorry. I can get it cleaned up if you w—”
“Shut up! Fucking hell, I don’t want you anywhere near me or my
clothes. You like to ruin everything that’s mine.” I send her a quizzical look.
I haven’t ruined anything that’s hers. “You’re a clothes ruiner and a
boyfriend stealer! You’re last name is so suited to you,” she angrily spits
out while I stand there motionless. I thought they weren’t a thing?
“I didn’t steal anyone’s . . . boyfriend,” I mumble, and as if I
thought she couldn’t get any closer to me, she stepped right in my face.
“You fucking stole mine! Stay away from me and him!” Sending
me one last glare, she bumps shoulders with me and walks out of the crowd,
her friends trail along like little ducklings behind her.
I watch them leave and think about what she said. I thought she
and Nick weren’t dating? I look around the room and realize I’m alone in a
crowded room. I don’t know anyone around me. I bump into people to get
out of the way. I try to find Haley and walk out to the entrance where not
many people are gathered.
I move around on my toes to see if I can find someone I
recognize. I see nobody; not a single person. Where did Ryan even go? I
look up the stairs to see Maya and her friends glaring down at me with so
much hatred in their eyes. I cough and look away immediately but I still
feel their eyes on me.
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and fish it out to see my
brothers’ names on it.

Austin: Stars! Outside now!

Chris: Going outside now!
Me: Me too!

I race back outside the door of the kitchen, weaving through the
crowd. Every time one of us sees stars outside we message the other. When
we’re under the stars, we feel closer to each other. It feels like we’re not
away from each other.
Once I reach outside, I look up but I can’t see them clearly.
“Dammit, I’ll have to go higher.” I walk around the side of the house and
see an ivy vine with support in the back that I can climb. Putting one foot
on, I start climbing up to get to the first level roof. Once I’m there, I can see
there’s a little ladder on the side of the wall that goes up to the top roof. I
start climbing that and the stars become much clearer. I take my heels off
and allow the cold tiles to meet my skin. No way I was walking on a roof in
heels, although it’s flat where I am. I pant and mumble “I’m so unfit” to
myself.
Once I’m here, I look up and smile at how pretty the stars look.
Specks of white and red, depending how close they are, all against a black
backdrop. It’s beautiful.

Me: I’m here

Chris: Me too!

I miss my brothers.
I sit down on the ground and watch the millions of lights above
me. I smile and close my eyes pretending that they’re here with me. I
pretend to have my family here with me. The vibration pulls me out of my
moment. Thinking it was my brothers, it was actually someone else.

Nick: Where did you go? xx

Me: I’m on the roof xx

It took a moment for him to reply. He probably wasn’t expecting

one from me so soon.

Nick: Are you nuts? Why are you up there? Xx

I can almost hear his laughter. I allow my fingers to type back

something.

Me: It shouldn’t be a surprise! Come join me and find out

xx

A few minutes later I hear a few curses and grunts down below. I
look over to the side to see it’s him. I leave my shoes where I was sitting. I
don’t want to leave just yet. I see him climbing up the ladder I used to reach
my level. Once there, he throws his leg over and allows his body to drop
down on to the roof over the small wall that guards it. I walk back over to
my spot and see him follow me.
“You’re crazy, you know that? So, what’s the big secret that I
almost died for?” He grunts as he sits next to me. I point up to the sky and
he looks up. “Woah! That’s amazing.” He sighs, admiring the natural beauty
above us. We sit in silence for some time just admiring the show.
“You need to be above the lights to see this. The light pollution
doesn’t allow you to see the stars well. It’s better when you’re in the
countryside; there’re millions of them,” I tell him and look down at my feet.
I wiggle my toes from the pain of my shoes. They’re free from them. I feel
him shuffle closer to me because his heat radiates onto me. He’s not
touching me, but I can feel him. I glance to my side and see he’s already
staring at me.
“You’re not one for parties, are you?” he asks me. I shake my
head, making my hair catch in my mouth. I pick it out and smile at him.
“No, I’m not used to them. The first one I went to was in high
school and it was so bad. I’ve only been to two before the one I met you at.”
His brows shot up and purses his lips. I couldn’t help but look at his lips.
Realizing I was staring, I look back at the wall in front of us.
“I’m so over them. They were fun for the first couple of years in
college. Now, it’s the same thing over and over again.” He sighs and picks
up a pebble that was between his legs and plays with it. I watch his hand
rub the pebble between his fingers, admiring it. “You’re not missing much.”
He drops it and faces me.
“I just wish I wasn’t so awkward.” I giggle at myself. His eyes
lock with mine and I feel a shift in the air. It feels heavy, like there’s
something there, but I can’t put my finger on it.
“It’s not a bad thing, Carter.” His voice drops to a lower tone, and
I feel my heart stop. When he said my name in that tone, it brought me back
to the first night I met him—when I shook his hand.
“It’s not a good thing, either,” I joke. I see a smile lift at the
corners of his lips. I once again look at them and then back to his eyes. That
look. What is he thinking? I ask to myself. He smirks at me, and I realize
how at ease I am with him. He makes it all so simple.
 “Did you know that every star we see is bigger and brighter than
the sun?” He grins at me as I’m stating a fact. “And when a star ‘twinkles’
it’s actually not due to the star at all, it’s due to the Earth’s turbulent
atmosphere,” I inform him just because I find space interesting. I always
have.
“I didn’t know that . . . that’s kinda cool.” He cranes his neck
backwards and looks up at the sky once more. “Why do you know a lot
about space?” he asks the sky while I just watch him. Everything he does
intrigues me.
“I always liked learning about space. I have a telescope at home;
depending on the night, I look out of it at midnight just to look at the
galaxy. It’s so beautiful.” He turns back to face me and leans back on his
hands.
“People don’t realize how beautiful nature is,” he says to me and
we both go silent. I play with my hands for a bit while I listen to our
breathing and the light chatter below us. After a while, I look up to meet his
gaze. His green eyes pulse like paint diffusing in water, and I’m hypnotized
by him.
“You know, I’ve never had a girl criticize me on my game . . .” I
bite my lip, not taking my eyes away from him. His face inches closer to
mine, taking me back to the night when he came and sat with me instead of
being at the party. It feels like that night all over again. There’s something
floating in the air above us, like a spark.
“I’m sorry—”
“It was kinda hot.” My brows shoot straight up and I stare at him
like he’s lost his mind. I practically insulted him.
“What?” I exhale rapidly after realizing his proximity. He’s close
—so, so close.
“It was sexy actually . . .” He breathes back on to my lips,
allowing a tingling sensation to take over. His eyes are bright green and so
close. I can’t look away. “You’re so different, Carter. A good type of
different. I’ve never met someone like you . . . You’ve intrigued me from
the moment I met you . . .” I feel like this isn’t real. I intrigued him?
I can’t say anything back. I can hear my heart in my ears and the
pulsing sensation in my neck. But he angles his head to the side and leans
in, placing a hand behind me. Staring at each other for some time, neither
one of us is backing away from this. Kiss me. Just kiss me, my body
screams at him but my mouth is silent.
Finally, like he can’t take it anymore, he leans in and presses his
lips perfectly against mine. I shut my eyes. His hand reaches up to the side
of my face. The kiss is so gentle, so soft and packed with emotion. I’ve
never been kissed like this before.
I sit there, shocked, and he pulls away slightly. We stare at each
other once more and I lean back into him, wanting that feeling again. I’m
already missing his lips. He lightly nips at my lower lip, and I open them,
allowing his tongue to slip inside and caress mine. We move in sync with
each other like it’s meant to be. I feel my lips get a shock, jolting me to not
stop this moment.
My hand reaches up to his hair and I run my fingers through it.
Feeling his moan vibrate through me, I keep playing with his hair. My
stomach is in knots and my mind has gone foggy. The pace picks up, and I
kiss him back with everything I’ve got. I don’t want to stop this moment,
it’s so perfect.
This is all so new to me. I feel his thumb brush my cheek as we
make out for some time. On the roof of a sorority house, I’m kissing my
roommate’s brother. And he’s kissing me.
Once we feel the pace slowing back down, he pulls away with a
smile on his face. I feel myself copying his smile. My lips feel like they’re
on fire, and where he touched me feels cold when his warmth leaves. I miss
his touch. I’m so breathless after that. His hand still on my face, I rest my
own on top of them. His smile grows wider with every moment that passes
us. I bite on my lip, trying not to grin like an idiot. He brushes his thumb
over my lip, silently asking me to release it.
There is no sign of my heart rate slowing down. It’s thumping
hard against my chest, and I’m almost vibrating after each one. I’m shaking
from the kiss we had, and I can’t pull myself together. My mind is blank,
and yet, all I can think about is him.
“That was better than what I imagined it to be like,” his whisper
tickles my lips, and I grin back at him, like he wasn’t meant to say that out
loud. It finally registered that he did. His cheeks turn into a crimson color,
and I can’t wipe the smile off my lips.
 “I know how you feel,” I softly say back to him. I watch the smile
accelerate onto his gorgeous face.
He kissed me. Nick kissed me.
The loud ringtone in his pocket cuts through our moment, and he
removes his hand from me with a grunt to fish it out. Seeing Haley written
across the screen, he sighs and answers her.
“Yo! Wha—TJ? What’s wrong?” he asks with a slightly raised
voice. “She’s what? Shit! We’ll be down in five . . . Yeah . . . Yes, Carter’s
with me . . .” He smiles back over to me and I press my lips together when
they talk about me. “That doesn’t matter, man, take her away from Maya
and I’ll be there in five, alright? Cool! Yeah, cool, bye.” He hangs up and
turns to me.
“So your roommate, my sister, has started a shit storm with Maya
and I need to take her away from her. I need to go down now before knives
are thrown across the room.” He chuckles and I nod, agreeing that we need
to separate them from each other. Maya isn’t the nicest person. We hesitate
before we move.
He helps me down the side of the house with my heels in my
hand.
Reaching to the ground level, I slip back on my heels while
holding onto the wall. We can’t stop smiling at each other as we walk side
by side into the house, our hands brushing off one another in the process.
He holds the door open for me and I thank him shyly. That’s when we hear
the screaming match taking place in the kitchen.
“You’re borderline stalking my family, Maya!” Haley yells over
TJ, who is holding her by her shoulders to stop her from launching an
attack. Haley bumps off of TJ. People have gathered around both of them,
relishing in the tense atmosphere.
“Pfft, the only person stalking you and your family is your
roommate who can’t keep her grimy hands off what’s not hers!” Maya
checks her nails like it’s the most interesting thing in the world, and I feel
Nick tense up behind me.
“Maya! Enough!” Her eyes whip to Nick and her face lights up
then drops once she sees me. Her eyes narrow into slits, and she shifts her
position so her body is facing him. Standing there with a body full of
confidence, she’s not letting up. Her hands on her hips shows off how much
of an attitude is radiating off her. This makes every guy in the room check
her out.
“My point has been proven. How sad. She can’t get her own damn
boyfriend so she has to steal others.” She points at me while people start to
laugh lowly behind her. Liking the attention she’s getting, her face starts to
produce a smirk. It’s feeding her ego.
“Please, I never even took you on a date. Stop acting like we were
together, I think your legs had more of a chance of being together than we
ever did.” Her eyes narrow once again, staring at the guy standing behind
me. I feel a small giggle release by itself and I cough to cover it up, not
looking at her. People are laughing at what he said. Nick pushes me over to
Haley and TJ, and I make my way over to them. This is so awkward for me.
Why am I the talk of this argument? Why is she bringing me into this?
I feel her eyes follow me with every step as I near Haley. I stand
behind her, who’s behind TJ, so I’m out of sight. If I can’t see her then she
can’t see me. “We both know you’ll come back to me, Nick. You always do
. . .” she proudly says to her audience.
I hear Nick snort at her and he takes his sister off of TJ and pushes
her out back to get some air. I stand there, still behind TJ, silently pleading
he doesn’t move so she can see me.
“Ignore her, she likes to claim things that aren’t hers. You’re not a
stalker.” TJ winks down at me with a beaming smile. I whisper back a thank
you to him and he nods in appreciation.
We all stay longer at the party. Maya hangs around us without
actually talking to us. I sit with Danielle and start watching people with her.
She’s doing this thing where she’s commenting what each person is
thinking and it has TJ laughing so hard at her. It’s pretty funny to listen to
her, but I can’t take a drink. I’m afraid I’ll spit it out.
“Do him!” TJ points to the guy in the corner playing beer pong
with his friends, you can barely see him with the amount of people gathered
around the table.
“Okay, let’s see . . . ‘I really need to get laid.’ ”
“Danielle!” I smack her arm with a gasp.
“What? Come on, he looks like he needs his gear stick to be fuc—
OW!” I hit her again while TJ has his hand up to his face, laughing. I reach
over her to hit him too.
 “OW! What did I do?” he asks innocently.
“You’re laughing!” I giggle and he points at me. That smile creeps
back on to his face and he sends me a toothy grin.
“So are you Steel!” he teases me about my slip up. He pokes my
cheek and I swat his hand away.
“Okay, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted . . . Hmm .
. . he’s totally singing ‘Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick, I want you to
take a ride on my disco stick!’ ” she sings, bouncing up and down while TJ
pinches his eyes laughing at her.
“You’re crazy, Danielle,” he says between laughs.
“Tell me something I don’t know.” She rolls her eyes playfully at
him. I yawn intensely next to her, feeling my body craving sleep again. My
head is thumping with the beat, and I feel like I’m not getting enough air.
I’m tired and I want to go home, but I know everyone wants to
stay here. So I’ll stay with them. I open up my eyes when I feel a dip in the
seat next to me.
“Tired?” His husky voice feathers my ear. I close my mouth and
nod, smiling shyly back since he caught me. He’s so close me. It’s a bold
move, considering the amount of people occupying the space around us. “If
you want, I can you take you back to the dorm?” I look in his eyes to see if
there’s anything behind that, like if he wants an escape. “Not like that. Shit,
I promise it’s not like that!” He sighs as he thinks about something. Then it
clicks with me. He thought I thought he was trying to sleep with me. I feel
myself heat up from embarrassment. So he wouldn’t sleep with me? It’s a
bittersweet thought. Then it registered with him once more when he widens
his eyes, linking my thoughts.
“No! I would do it with you—I mean, fuck! I’m sorry. I keep
putting my mouth in it . . . Uggghhh,” he groans in frustration. I find it kind
of cute. I cover my laugh with my hand, making his face dart back to mine
hearing it.
“It’s fine, Nick. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, can you? I
could really go to sleep right now. I’m exhausted.” I raise my voice back
over to him. The music gets cranked up another notch, and we decide it’s
time to leave.
I’m dying for my cozy bed right now.
OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTEEN
A Perfect Fit

Nick
I’m leaving the house as the beat fades away from us. I can’t get
that kiss out of my head. The feeling of her hand running through my hair
heightened the tingles I already felt when I pressed my lips to hers. The
warmth I felt with her was a warmth I have never felt before. I dreamt about
kissing her for most nights.
Okay, I’m lying.
Every damn night. She’s the reason for my sleepless nights when I
know she’s upset, be it with me or something else. The itch I feel to have
her lie with me gets stronger each night. The images that run through my
head are sending my excitement for the next time I see her into overdrive.
What the hell is happening to me? When did I become such a pussy?
She clears her throat, snapping me out of it. Her hand roams up
her arm, almost like she’s feeling awkward. Well, you have been silent ever
since you practically told her you’d sleep with her. I mentally punch myself
to being so stupid. Talk about throwing your dick in her face, Nick. I look
over at her as she faces forward. In her yellow top and black jeans, she
looks like a cute bumble bee. Her head whips to my gaze and I see her
cheeks flame up.
“Fuck. I said that out loud, didn’t I?” I ask her and watch her send
me a toothy smile and a small nod. She averts her eyes back down to her
feet, still smiling. Hearing her heels click along the pavement, I say to her,
“You do . . . look like a bumble bee . . . and you are . . . cute . . . ” I rub the
back of my neck after realizing how stupid I sound. Fuck, what is it with
her and making me say stupid stuff? I sound like I’m in kindergarten again.
“Thanks, I guess?” She laughs at how weird that was.
Fuck me, this is not how I planned the night.
 “So . . .” I say as I start staring at the side of her face. She stops
for a moment and stares back at me. That look is doing something to me
right now, and I’m not sure if I like it or not.
“So . . .” She copies me and smiles back. I send her one of my
own. We’re smiling like two kids who did something bad and kept it a
secret from their parents.
Walking side by side, we catch glances at each other and I feel my
smile widen with every step we take. “Let’s not make it awkward . . .” she
blurts out and immediately slaps her hand over her mouth when realizes
that she said that out loud. I laugh at her actions and take her hand in mine,
feeling that spark that was between us, like a current that was flowing
through her and now into me. She stares down at our intertwined hands and
I smile down at her. Her hair covers her face and waves lightly with a
bounce.
“What are you thinking?” I question her. Let me in, Carter, I
mentally scream at her. Her eyes search my own for something as she lifts
her head, her curtain of hair parting so I can see that pretty face.
“You have really pretty eyes,” she says like she’s in a daze.
Blinking, she widens her eyes and steps away from me, cradling her head in
her hands. She groans at herself while I stand there and smile at her.
This girl is so cute. Her eyes peep through her hands, and I realize
I’ve done it again. I feel my cheeks heat up once more and the
embarrassment sets in. Jesus, we’re both at it tonight. I can’t keep my
thoughts inside, and neither can she.
“You think I’m cute?” she whispers to me. I feel my head nod,
and I watch her cheeks blush again. God, this girl!
I walk towards her, closing the gap between us, and slam my lips
back on to hers with no mercy. Her hands slide up my chest, allowing me to
feel her warmth. I press her body against my own and slide my hands down
to her waist.
I kiss her intensely and it’s fucking blowing my mind. Her soft
lips moves with mine, and I grip her hips hard because I’m so turned on by
her. It’s clear from the bulge in my pants wanting liberty. Biting on her lip
making her gasp, and I slip my tongue inside her mouth and push her up
against what feels like a car to kiss the fucking life out of her. The cool
metal reaches my skin, and I feel myself wanting to protect her from the
sudden temperature change. My body flush against hers, I can’t seem to
stop what I’m doing. I sure as hell don’t want to either.
Her small hands grip on to my shirt and I start to feel her making
fists with them. I cradle my arms around her face, caging her in and resting
them on the roof of the car we’re making out on. Her hands drops from my
shirt and takes hold of my biceps. She strokes them, and I feel the trail of
fire she leaves behind. It’s intense, and I want her to keep going. I like this
feeling. Whatever is between us, I like it—I like it a lot.
I slow down the kiss, feeling that we both needed some air, but
I’m not stopping. No, I keep pecking her to let that feeling linger. I feel her
hand reach up to my cheek and gently caress it. This girl’s kisses are
addictive. I slowly pull away and open my eyes. Staring down at her with
her eyes still closed, I watch her process what just happened.
“Wow . . .” she says breathlessly before opening her eyes. I grin,
mentally patting myself on the back. She liked it just as much as I did.
I lean in once more and whisper onto her own lips, “My thoughts
exactly.” After that, I give her one more. I stand back and start to walk
backwards, dragging her along with me. I pull her towards her dorm as she
looks at the building with a tired expression. I feel bad for keeping her up.
We walk hand in hand, getting a few stares from people as we walk by
them. I don’t care, it’s none of their damn business. They don’t know me or
her. They can’t judge us.
I see lots of girls stare at our hands and flick back up to my eyes.
Changing their moods from looking like they’re about to kill Carter to
“come fuck me, Nick” in a matter of seconds. “Hey, Nick!” One girl bites on
her lip and I nod back, dragging Carter away. It continues as we near the
steps of her dorm building. Remembering the girls as they walk by us, I
shudder at the thought of some of them. They’re clingy as fuck.
They flirt with me, and I give Carter’s hand a quick squeeze to
silently tell her to ignore them. It’s like this every time I step outside. It’s
more embarrassing when I’m with my mom, that knowing look she gives
me makes me cringe. We’ve never talked about it, and I’m glad we haven’t.
I’m a little frustrated with myself right now. They’re making it obvious that
I’ve gotten around in front of her. I want to get her inside as quick as I can
because I feel my chances being slowly ruined with her.
 “Jackson! You’re looking sexy tonight. Wanna come by for
another round?” a familiar face drunkenly calls out to me. I cannot for the
life of me remember her name. I remember she was a good fuck though.
Her mouth was fucking everywhere on me. Her legs spread quicker than
butter on a summers day. And don’t get me started on the positions she was
doing.
Stop that!
I send her back a tight smile and groan at the look Carter is giving
me as we wait for the elevator. “Don’t.” I shake my head with her hand still
in mine. I watch her laugh at me and I couldn’t help how my heart jumped
erratically in my chest. That laugh does so many things to me. She doesn’t
even realize it.
“Don’t be shy, Nick. My doors always open.” The girl winks over
at us, and I roll my eyes.
“And apparently your legs,” I mumble to myself, but Carter
laughs at the doors. Once the elevator opens, I push her lightly inside and
close it before anyone else can join us. She finds a corner and stares at me.
Her doe-like eyes almost makes me sink to my knees. Her head rests
against the metal walls along with the top of her body while her legs crosses
at the ankles.
“What?” I ask her with a smile. What is she thinking? I step closer
to her and cage her in. She just shakes her head and looks downwards.
“Carter, what?” I push her while laughing. She rests her head back against
the cold metal box and stares back up at me. That smile graces her gorgeous
face once more.
“Don’t be shy, Nick. My legs are always open.” She pokes me in
the chest and I laugh at her loudly. I was not expecting that to leave her
mouth. They weren’t exactly what the girl we just met said, but she mixed
hers with mine and it was the last thing I expected to leave her lips. I roll
my eyes, sighing as I look up to the roof of the elevator.
“I’m not going to hear the end of this, am I?” I hear the ding
above us. We move out of the elevator and she shakes her head as she
giggles at me.
“I promise I won’t bring it back up.” She lifts her palm in the air.
“Scout’s honor.” She presses her lips together, trying not to laugh at me.
 “We’re you even a scout?” I chuckle as we walk down the
corridor. If you were walking down here alone, you’d be creeped out. It’s so
dark.
“Nope. I just thought I’d throw that in.” Her heels echo the
hallways as we begrudgingly near her door. Seeing it in our sights, I glare at
the inanimate object ruining my night. I hear her chuckle lowly at herself.
She’s so carefree, so chill. I’ve never met a girl like her. Usually, they’re so
into the drama that surrounds them, but with her, she avoids it at all costs.
She’s so different, and I like that about her.
“Look, on a serious note though, I’m sorry that happened . . .” I
run my hand through my hair, missing the feeling of her hands running
through it. I could let her do that to me anytime, anywhere. Her tiny hands
making circles in my hair is the best feeling ever. My mom used to do that
to me when I was younger, and I always loved when she did that.
“It’s okay, Nick. It’s no surprise to me.” I stop immediately, taking
her words in.
“What do you mean by that?” I’m curious at what she is implying.
She knows I got around, but that’s the keyword: got. I haven’t done it in a
while; not since meeting her. Well, except those times with Maya, but I
haven’t since then. No girl can be compared to her. Every time I even
thought about getting it with someone, she works herself back into my
mind. I started to compare those girls to her, which turned me off from them
because there was no comparison.
“You’re a good looking guy, Nick. ” She clears her throat,
realizing her honesty. “It’s no surprise every girl on campus wants you . . .”
Her voice perks up and it catches my attention. The way she said it, her tone
changed instantly. I watch her as she continues her way to the door and
opens it.
“So you’ve heard about me?” I ask, wary of her reply. I watch her
head nod and I sigh to myself. It’s my own fault I played around so much.
Half of the girls people think I’ve gotten with make it up just to
get a status. It’s the one thing I hate about college. Being the star
quarterback of a iconic football college has its perks, but it also has its
downfalls. People only want to be friends with you for those perks and the
status, and not because of who you are. That’s the one thing I’ve hated
about being here.
 Sure, it got me girls. I loved it initially. I slept around, putting
Charlie Sheen to shame. I was like the Hugh fucking Hefner of this college.
I had five girls in one night; multiple threesomes that I can hardly
remember; too many wild nights to count. But at the end of the day, I
realized that they only want me because of the name I was making for
myself. They sniffed that out and used me, like I used them.
It became meaningless after a while. I fucked for pleasure that
wasn’t being fulfilled. Night after night, I woke up in different beds in
different company. Usually naked. “What have you heard?” I ask, treading
lightly. I know I’m not going to like what I’m about to hear, but I want to
know.
“Just that you move from girl to girl when you get bored . . . but .
. .” She stops midsentence to look at me. I wait for her to continue but she
hesitates.
“But what?” I push her, wanting to know, so I can prove her
wrong.
“But you always go back to that . . . same girl . . .” She nudges her
head to the side, asking me to silently connect the dots. Maya. She’s talking
about Maya.
“Maya?” I ask for confirmation. I watch her nod with a blank
expression on her face. I run my hand along my face, wanting to punch
something because of these rumors. I’ve probably ruined any chance with
her. “It’s not true. Sure, Maya and I have some history. We were in high
school together, but I never dated her . . . I never dated, period. I’m not here
to bash her, but she got around. She also helped me through a tough period,
I really owe her one for that.” She nods in understanding to me.
I know she’s curious about what I’m talking about, but I’m not
ready to talk about that just yet. That was a tough time for me. “Yeah . . . I
got around. I’m not proud of that. I was bored and . . . well, you know . . .
but some of those rumors you hear are just that—rumors. I mean, some
people thought I was suspended from the team because I took drugs. I
didn’t, by the way. I failed a subject and my mom beat the shit out of me
and got benched.” She laughs hard, clutching her sides and resting her body
against the door for support.
“Seriously, my mom is terrifying if we do something she doesn’t
like . . . I was suspended from the team until I could get an A or else I
wouldn’t play the next game, and I’m on scholarship, so I can’t afford to
miss a game. So, people thought I got caught for doing drugs from a party.
Not doping, actual hard drugs. Some people swore they saw me do it in a
room full of people. I mean, come on. If I was going to do it, I wouldn’t do
it in a room full of people.”
I roll my eyes and I see her lean against the door, watching me
tentatively. “I have never touched a drug in my life. Well, except for
alcohol.” I reach my hands up above on the door frame outside the room. I
see her checking me out quickly, making me smirk with hooded eyes. I
couldn’t help but do the same. She looks good tonight. Well, everyday.
“People say you’re a player,” she whispers again. I lean my head
on one of my arms, thinking about how to approach that statement. She’s
fishing to see if I’m worth her time.
“And what do you think?” I ask. I need to feel this girl out. Any
hope she gives me, I’ll take it. I want her. I really want her.
“When I first met you, I saw it. Girls were all over you. There was
no denying that you like girls and went through them like a train. When I
was around you, I could see the attention you brought. Both guys and girls,
you’re like this god to them. Every single one of those girls eye you up like
you’re meat and they’re sharks, even just walking through the campus
tonight showed me.”
She looks off down the hallway, like they’re all still their waiting
for me. She continues, “But as I got to know you a little better, I saw the
other side of you. The real side, and I could tell you only let certain people
see that. I knew there was more to you than your playboy image. You’re
sweet, caring, and . . . I feel at ease when I’m around you. You ignore all
that attention. You focus what’s in front of you and you’re really protective;
especially of Haley. I’m sorry I judged you . . . I shouldn’t have, but it was
hard not to. You were so intimidating when I first met you..”
“Intimidating?” I question her, cutting her off. I’ve been called
that a few times. I should really work on my first impressions.
“Yeah, when I first met you, I thought you didn’t like me at first. I
thought that you thought I didn’t belong at that party . . . I didn’t, but you
had that look of ‘why bother coming to something like this?’ ” She
shrugged. I immediately felt guilty that she thought I had thought that about
her. I did, but not in a rude way. I was on the prowl that night and it stopped
once I found her. As soon as I met her eyes I knew I wanted her, but then
my sister had to know her. She just had to be my sister’s roommate. I knew
that I was in big trouble.
“I’m sorry . . . I gave off that whole vibe, really. Well, it was to
stop myself . . .” I look around the hallways, avoiding eye contact with her.
“From what?” she asks so softly I almost missed it. It struck a
chord in me. I meet her blue eyes and stare at her for the longest time,
thinking about how to tell her that I thought she was incredibly sexy that
night and every other day I saw her. It’s best to show her. I lean down,
hovering over her lips once more.
“To stop myself from doing this . . .” I kiss her once more, the
heat between our lips being revived again. I take her waist once more and
pull her to me, loving the feeling of her body against mine. I can’t get
enough of this girl. I break the kiss and hover above her lips once more. I
smile down at her. This girl is driving me fucking crazy.
“Why?” she asks breathlessly, and I grin at the effect I have on
her. This is the second time I’ve made her breathless. I’m not far behind her.
“Why what?” I feather her lips, our faces still close and our noses
barely touching.
“Why didn’t you do that, that night?” She blushes again. I can
almost feel the heat from her cheeks.
“Trust me, I wanted to but Haley would’ve killed me. Plus, I
wanted to know you first,” I tell her. Realization flashes across her face in
the blink of an eye. Seeing the slightly offended look on her face for a brief
moment, she covered it by breaking eye contact. I immediately felt bad, but
it was the truth. Shifting in my touch, she leans back a bit.
“You wanted to know if I would use Haley to get to you. It’s
alright, you can say it. I know the tactics, it’s happened to me too many
times to count. Girls pretending to be my friends to get to my brothers . . .”
I nod, not lying that I was fishing out her motives initially, but then I
became more interested in her and less about finding out if she wanted to
use my sister.
“But I realized you’re not like that. You know the pain every time
a girl ignores you when she gets what she wants. I watch Haley almost hate
me every time it happens, but she always forgives me when she realizes it’s
not my fault. In a way, I was helping her rule out the ‘bad eggs.’ ” I use air
quotes, copying my mom. I realize her body is still pressed against mine.
Her curves fit perfectly against my crevices; a perfect fit.
“That’s not what’s going to happen with me though. I value her
friendship. I’ve never met a girl so willing to be my friend before. Usually,
they tell me I’m strange and don’t talk to me, but not with Haley. Or
Danielle. I’m glad they’re my roommates. This is going to sound sad . . .
and weird . . . but I’ve never had friends before. Not even in high school.
Everyone was only around me for the perks of saying they knew me. It
didn’t help that my brothers went through the girls from my school like no
tomorrow. I actually didn’t talk to them for months because they did that . .
.but I realized it wasn’t them. It was the girls who wanted their fifteen
minutes of fame with an up and coming athlete who are now fucking
everywhere I look.” She rolls her eyes and I chuckle at her.
She curses? I mentally smirk to myself. I agree. They’re on
magazine covers, billboards on the freeway, at bus stops, on girls’ phones as
their wallpapers; they’re everywhere. The sound of the elevator caught our
attention and we both look behind to see who it is.
Seeing blonde hair whisp through the air, I immediately step out
of Carter’s touch, not wanting my sister to know just yet. Carter catches on
and fixes herself, sending me a warm look with a mutual agreement.
“Da da, da da da, da da, da da da.” Hearing Haley’s voice down
the hallway, I turn around and see her swinging her legs from side to side
with her arm wrapped around TJ. Danielle is looking at her like she has five
heads, with a guy on her arm. She snorts at what my sister is doing. Or
trying to do.
How the hell am I related to that? I smirk at her. She’s a drunken
mess right now. I catch TJ’s eyes; he rolls them and face palms himself. I
snort at his reaction to Haley. She reaches us and swings an arm around
Carter, pulling her towards her and trying to whisper, “Ryan waaas lookin
fo’ youuu, girl! I ga-ve him yourrr numba’!” She hiccups, and I feel a
burning sensation in my body. What a little traitor.
“You what?” I practically yell at my sister. Her eyes widen as she
tries to focus her attention on me, but her eyes keep drooping. I realize I
said that out loud. “Haley, Ryan’s a creep!” I back my words up. I push TJ
towards her and mumble, “Put her to bed. Now.” I narrow my eyes at my
sister for setting her roommate up with fucking Ryan Averman, of all
people. He’s such a dick to girls. I suppose I’m not much better now that I
think about it. Fuck.
“She was probably just kidding, I doubt she can see anyone right
now anyway . . .” she mumbles over to me while I watch TJ practically pick
my sister up bridal style and drag her into her room.
Then I see Danielle sucking the face off the guy who was on her
arm. I smile and shake my head, averting my eyes back to Carter. She’s
standing there silently, looking at something behind me. I turn around and
see a group of girls walking up the hallway.
“Hey, Carter!” One of the girls in the group coming towards us
beams as she unlocks her door while a guy is feeling her up from behind,
dying for her to open the door. I laugh to myself.
“Hey guys! Hey, George!” He waves at Carter once she
acknowledges him. And they’re off once that door opens, slamming it
behind them. “They’re such a cute couple!” Carter says while smiling at the
door.
You can hear the soft tone in her voice. I watch a small glint in her
eyes as she focuses them back on me, her hair perfectly wavy like she
stepped out of the water at the beach. I lick my lips, almost tasting the
imaginary salt. She tucks a strand behind her ear with a shy smile.
“You ready? She’s knocked out inside! I put a bucket next to her
bed in case she vomits. She’s going to have one hell of a hangover
tomorrow.” TJ chuckles to himself and I smile back at him.
“Serves her fucking right for drinking so much. She’s such an
amateur.” We all laugh but it stops abruptly once we hear moaning coming
from one of the doors nearby. Carter’s eyes widen and her entire face goes
bright red. “That better not be Haley!” I stare at TJ, who has his fist in his
mouth trying to keep his laugh in.
“That’s Danielle,” Carter whispers.
“Oh . . . fuck!” Danielle moans out, and I literally don’t know
what to do anymore. Next, we hear a series of yes’s, then banging, then a
slapping sound I know all too well. I puff my cheeks out trying my hardest
not to laugh, but it’s too hard.
“Alright . . . So we’re . . . Uh, going to leave . . .” TJ trails off and
chuckles. He leans in to hug Carter. She wraps her arms around him and
pleads for us not to leave, but I do not want to hear that.
 “Bye, Carter! We’ll see you tomorrow at 11?” I hug her tight and
instinctively breathe her in, her scent wrapping themselves around my
senses. God, she smells amazing. Looking down at her, I see her shift her
head against my chest to stare up at me. I kiss her forehead and leave her
standing there in shock along with TJ, who replaces it with a grin. I freeze
at my own action and feel my embarrassment coming out again for the
hundredth time tonight.
“YES!” Danielle practically yells, and we decide it’s time to
leave.
After walking away and hearing the door shut, TJ nudges my side
as we wait for the elevator. “You told her, didn’t you?” I can hear the smirk
in his tone without even looking at him. “You told her you like her.” I shake
my head and he laughs, punching me on my bicep. “Then what the fuck
was that, Jackson!” He has a playful tone that is low, trying to keep his
voice down. I have no idea what that was. My mind and body were out of
sync; I don’t know why I did that.
“We kissed,” I reply sheepishly and shrug. .
He sighs. “No shit, Nick! I fucking saw you kiss her head just five
seconds ago!” He grabs my head and brushes his knuckles in my hair
playfully and I swat him away laughing.
“No, TJ, we kissed; like we made out. Like three times tonight!”
“What?” he exclaims. “Nick! Are you serious?! About fucking
time you grew a pair man!” We laugh at each other and step into the
elevator, pushing for the ground floor. “When’s the wedding?” he teases me
and I roll my eyes and yawn. I punch him hard enough to give him a dead
arm; caught him perfectly. “Fuck . . . I hate when you do that man!”
He tries to hit me back but I dodge it with ease. Both of us
playfully fight with each other as we leave the building. We see that it’s
dark outside. People are still walking around, usually couples or people
walking to their place so they can fuck. Girls stumble on their own feet,
making the both of us laugh at them.
I can’t wipe the huge smile off my face. It’s beginning to hurt my
cheeks now. “You look like you’re on crack, Nick.” TJ pinches my cheeks
and I grin even more as I shrug it off. He’s just jealous I got somewhere
with her. “Nick! Jesus, snap out of it!”.
 “What?” I spin my head around to face him. His dark black hair
framing his face and a five o clock shadow that is making him look older.
“Is she alright?” he asks.
“Who?” He sends me a deadpan look and I knew instantly who he
was talking about.
“The girl you’re in love with,” he teases me and I roll my eyes
when he clasps his hands under his chin and stares dreamily over to me for
dramatic effect. I swear he was a drama queen in his past life. He relishes in
any drama that doesn’t involve him.
“I’m not in love with her, TJ. You’re such a douche you know
that?” Laughing at him, I put my hands in my jeans pocket as we walk back
home. He’ll collect the car tomorrow morning because I know he doesn’t
want to see Kelly, and I don’t want to see her best friend. “What about
her?” I push him to repeat what he said.
“Is she alright? She looked a little pale tonight.” I remember
thinking that when I saw her better in the light from her dorm room. She did
look a little washed out but she said she was tired.
“Yeah, she was just a little tired, you know? Assignments were
piling up for her, so maybe she’s not sleeping well? I don’t know? I’ll check
on her tomorrow.” That excuse was more for my own thoughts. I can’t help
but worry a little. She’s looked so drained for the past couple of days. I
know it’s nearing the end of the semester. She might be feeling the
pressure?
Our feet shuffle through the grass as we make our way into the
house. Laughing at each other, TJ puts his key in the door and we hear
footsteps rapidly hitting the wood. I see a figure running at both of us, and I
prepare myself for the possibility of catching a thief in the act. Then another
body comes into contact, tackling the person onto the ground to the side of
us. Seeing that it’s Rob on top of Ryan trying to restrain him, TJ and I stand
there, wondering what the hell is going on.
“Let me fucking go, Rob!” Ryan raises his voice at his twin, who
is trying his best to calm him down. “ROB! I said let me go! NOW!” He
squirms under his brother, trying to get away from him. Giving up, he
relaxes his body immediately.
“What the fuck is going on?” I ask openly to anyone who will
give me a straight answer.
 “Shut the fuck up, Jackson!” What the hell is Ryan’s problem? I
narrow my eyes at him and step forward, readying myself for a fight if he
dares to speak to me like that again. I will floor him so quick he won’t even
reach the end of his goddamn sentence.
“What the fuck is your problem, Averman?” I interrogate him,
trying to get him to tell me what’s been lodged up his ass.
“You! You’re my fucking problem!” He pushes Rob off
successfully and stands up on his feet. Stalking over to me, I see his fists
balled. I immediately know someone is getting punched. I can guarantee it
won’t be me. “You fucking took her! You son of a bitch!” What crap has he
been drinking tonight? I didn’t take anyone from him. I may have done it in
the past but he’s never been this pissed at me before.
“Ryan, who are you talking about?” TJ cuts in. Ryan’s stare never
wavers from my eyes. The bulging vein in his neck tells me he’s fuming.
He’s bright red, too, and it looks like it’s taking all of his might to not start
anything with me because he knows I’ll do more damage than he will.
“Steel . . . that’s who I’m fucking talking about. You took my
girl!” My eyes widen when the words that left his mouth registered in my
head. His girl? I don’t fucking think so. I step closer to him, right in each
other’s face, foreheads touching. Now I’m fuming.
“Come again?” I say while gritting my teeth. I feel the heat in my
body radiate in waves around the room. I’m about to nail him to the fucking
floorboards. My breathing is erratic; one slight movement from him and I
won’t hold back.
“You heard me, Jackson. Next time, stick to Maya; you always go
back to her anyway. Stay away from Carter. Consider this a warning.” I
laugh bitterly in his face, igniting a fire in my body. This prick. “I saw her
first,” he claims again. It took everything in my body to not beat this fucker
senseless.
“You can have Maya if you’re so in love with her,” I spit out. I
grind my teeth, annoyed with him. I see Rob trying to pull his twin away
from me. “And I saw her first; not you. You ever claim her again, I will put
you in the hospital and have you breathing through tubes, got it?” This
prick has the audacity to smirk at me.
“Fighting over a pathetic freshman, boys? How noble of you.”
Hearing that sarcastic voice, I lose it completely and walk away from Ryan
to see Maya standing behind TJ in the kitchen watching all this unfold. I
walk towards her and watch her straighten up from leaning her shoulder on
the pillar. The playful glint in her eyes tell me she’s the one who set him off
on me.
“I should’ve known it was you, Maya. Sending your lapdog to do
your dirty work? If you’ve got something to say, say it.” I challenge her,
and she smiles sweetly at me. I feel like yelling at her. She can really make
people’s lives miserable when she wants to.
“Leave her and Ryan to it, Nick. She’s not in the same league as
us and she never will be.” She smirks as she says that. I lean into her, and
she wipes the smirk off instantly. I start breathing to calm myself down. I
would never hit a girl, but damn, she’s testing my patience right now.
“You don’t know the first thing about her. You’ve been nothing
but a bitch to her from the start. Do me a favor and fuck off, Maya! I can’t
stand looking at you right now.” I storm off to my room. Hurt flashes in her
eyes from my words, but she quickly masks it. Anger now taking over, she
trails her tongue on her lips and narrows her eyes at me, her jaw ticking
with irritation. She doesn’t say anything further, but Ryan does. He shoves
his shoulder into mine from behind and I turn around to face his soon to be
rearranged face if he doesn’t stop what he’s doing. He’s on thin ice with me,
and it’s cracking.
“Like I said, stay away from her, I saw her—” he doesn’t get to
finish his sentence as I get right in his face again.
“Finish that sentence, Averman, I fucking dare you.” I challenge
this asshole, who is slowly becoming my next punching bag. His tone is
sending me over the edge more than his words. It’s smug and arrogant. As
if Carter would even go for him; he’s nothing but a douche.
“She’s mine, Jackson. BACK THE FUCK O—” My fist connects
with his jaw cleanly and he stumbles back, clasping on to it. Rob quickly
pushes him against the wall while TJ pushes me to the opposite one. Ryan’s
clawing after me, but Rob is getting the brunt of it.
“Relax, Ryan!” Rob says over and over to calm his twin down.
TJ, on the other hand, is smirking at me. I see it from the corner of my eye,
but my gaze is fixed on Ryan. My hand begins to throb from the abrupt
punch. I unfist my hand, stretching my fingers out all while my heated stare
is burning through Ryan and into the wall behind him. It’s almost setting the
house on fire.
Rob is grunting as his twin tries to release himself from his hold.
Rob is surprising me with his strength right now but his brother’s brown
eyes have a fire in them as he stares heatedly at me.
“Bye, Maya.” TJ says over my shoulder, asking her to leave. She
does, but not without looking back at the shitstorm she created. I connect
with her eyes and see that smirk I’ve come to hate.
“Bye, boys!” She winks at me and I feel my gut burning. She’s up
to something. When I find out, I will lose it. My head focuses back to Ryan
and see he’s still pinned to the wall, much like me. This time, he’s just
staring at me with so much hate in his eyes. The heat settles down in the
room, but it stays between our stares.
If he tries to claim her again, I will do more damage.
That’s a fucking promise.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FOURTEEN
This Is How It Works

Carter
I hit my head against the cool side of the window when we go
over a bump. My teeth clatter against one another as soon as the impact was
made. We are on our way to the Jackson household. Haley is hungover and
is trying to be revived. Danielle had no sleep, and neither did I, thanks to
her.
The three of us were passed out in the back of the car, with the
two boys up front. Both of their attention was focused ahead. Nick was
driving with a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes and a snapback on his
head. He opened the window slightly and I could feel the dry heat slapping
against my skin. I was sitting directly behind him.
I think I was able to get three hours of sleep. Danielle was with
that guy the entire night, and I could hear every bit of their “fun.” I can
safely say I will never lay down with Danielle in her bed again. Ever.
Nothing wrong with it or the guy, he was pretty good looking, but no way
am I ever touching her bed.
I rub my head softly to comfort the sudden throbbing I’m feeling
from hitting the window.
“Sorry,” Nick mumbles to me in the side mirror and I send him a
quick smile to let him know that it’s no big deal. The car was silent, with
the hum of the engine mixed with voices from the radio. The two girls were
fast asleep, and TJ was listening to his music with one earpiece, his fingers
strumming on the leather part of the car door to the beat.
The more we drove, the more nervous I got. I don’t know why,
but I was. I had never met Nick and Haley’s parents before. My stomach
feels heavy, and the anticipation of being in their home has me on edge. I
wonder what their mom is like? Nick has told me things about her; she
seems like a no-nonsense type of woman, and their dad seems really laid
back from what TJ told me.
Passing by car after car, house after house as we drive closer to
the house, I watch as people gather outside to chat to their neighbours while
they were gardening, spraying water on plants for nourishment.
Time ticked by, and I feel the car slowing down as we reach a
housing estate. Oh God, this is it!
Beautiful rows of white wooden houses line the street with
gorgeous green grass surrounding the area. Two story houses are dotted
about with flags hanging proudly. Then I see an Ole Miss flag hanging
beside one house. I know that’s theirs. The porch has three seats outside and
a small sofa, black wood against the clean and crisp white sofa. Double
doors made of dark mahogany wood decorated with stained glass windows
of roses in the centre of each door could be seen nearby, and a small
window arch is above it.
Parking in the driveway, I see the door burst open and two people
run out to greet us. Two little girls in princess outfits giggle as they run
towards the car.
I shove Danielle and Haley awake and they groan at me, asking
for five more minutes.
“We’re here, idiots,” Nick says over his shoulder and slips off his
belt before reaching for the door, opening it as the two little girls run over to
him. He smiles down and picks both of them up. The two of them rest in his
arms they hug him. I feel myself melting at the sight. He’s even hotter when
he has kids around him. I don’t know what it is, but when a gorgeous guy is
playing and messing with kids, it makes them look irresistible.
I push my door open and fall out with Danielle, who yells at me
for catching her off guard. I mumble a sheepish sorry back, feeling my
cheeks heat up. I hear two giggles beside me I gaze over at the two little
princesses. One of them is blonde and the other is a redhead. The blonde
girl is playing with Nick’s snapback and hair. Seeing him smile at me, I
gulp down at the sight. Keep it together, Carter.
“Ellie, I want you to meet someone. This is Carter, she lives with
Haley in college. Carter, this is my sister Ellie and her friend Abbie. Say hi,
guys.” They both wave and smile at me while Danielle crawls out of the
car.
 “Hi there! Happy birthday to you both!” I wave shyly back at
them and they laugh while burying their faces into the crook of Nick’s neck.
I see Ellie whisper something to Nick and he wears his handsome smile but
it’s much wider with his sister. So cute. He nods and faces me while still
smiling. It squeezes the breath out of my lungs because he looks so
gorgeous when he smiles like that.
“And that’s Danielle.” He gestures his head down to the creature
exhausted from her antics last night as well as this morning. They both
giggle at her. She looks like she’s going to fall asleep crouched down like
that.
“Ugh. Danielle, get it together!” Haley groans at the sight of her.
She doesn’t look any better. At least I put some makeup on and made an
effort to look presentable.
My head snaps up to see a beautiful woman with blonde hair
staring at me. She’s standing at the bonnet of the car, looking curiously at
me. I suddenly feel like I’m under scrutiny. I swallow nothing down and
look at her while she stares long and hard at me. She’s wearing jeans and a
white blouse with frills around the neckline. She’s a slim woman with
warmth written on every inch of her face. A nice tan is also on her face.
“You must be Carter.” Her head snaps up to my eyes and then
quickly darts it over to her son cradling the two girls. I nod, agreeing that I
am, indeed, Carter.
“Uh . . . Yeah, that’s me. You must be Mrs. Jackson. Nick and
Haley look a lot like you.” I feel my cheeks become sore. I’m smiling so
hard as I respond so timidly back to her. Nick and Haley look so much like
her. Nick has the same shade of eyes as her; bright green and mesmerising.
“Oh, please, call me Lynn. It’s great to finally meet you. Nick
talks so highly of you—”
“Mom!” Nick steps in to quiet her down. I snort and press my lips
to stop myself from laughing at her. “She’s kidding.” He points to her with
his cheeks going redder by the second. I nod, assuring him that he’s right.
She winks at me and walks over to hug me. I let her and smile over at Nick,
who is staring with one brow raised. Does she not do this with everyone? I
think to myself.
Then she greets Danielle the same way while I stare at the ground
like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Why am I so awkward?
 After a moment of hugging people and laughing, we all head
towards the house and bring our stuff in. As soon as we step inside, there
are kids everywhere squealing with excitement. Some were in princess
costumes and others were covered in brown stuff. My guess is that they
were playing in the dirt, mainly the boys. There were balloons everywhere
you could look, all in a range of colors.
“Hi, honey!” A middle aged man steps around the kids playing at
the door. He heads straight for Haley as she slides off her glasses. She hugs
him as he kisses her head.
“Hey, dad! You got food? I’m starving!” She sidesteps around him
and heads toward the kitchen. We all follow behind her after we were
introduced to her dad. He’s a really nice man, really bubbly and energetic.
Walking into the kitchen after putting our bags under the stairs, I’m met
with loads of moms and girls at our age; stunning girls too.
What the hell? I thought this was a kids party?
“Hi, Nick!” Loads of the girls greet him curtly, but he was too
busy messing with Ellie to notice how much they filled the room. His head
snaps up in shock at the attention and looks around at them. He stands up to
his full height and starts looking around. Meeting his mom’s smirk, he
shakes his head and walks past them to go outside. TJ starts to laugh and
follows him.
I’m so lost right now.
Did he get with all of them?

* * *

Nick
Now I know what she’s up to. She brought all the sisters of Ellie’s
friends that were in my year or below in high school to see how I act around
them. My mom is sly—very, very sly.
I’m so annoyed by her.
I’m out back with TJ, who keeps laughing every time one of them
walks by me. They all try to greet me and start up a conversation about how
much they miss me, that they haven’t seen me around, or that they watch
my games on TV. I can’t help but roll my eyes once they walk away. I know
for a fact they don’t watch my games.
We’re both sitting on the patio waiting for the cake to be brought
out. We’ve been sitting out here for a while, and I’m running low on water.
It’s getting warm out here so I want a cool one. I stand up to my feet and
ask TJ if he wants one. I see Haley saunter over to chill with him and walk
by her, asking her if she wants one.
“No I’m good. I just need fresh air, and lots of it.” I laugh at the
face she’s making. She looks like she’s in pain, probably because she’s
hungover. Dear Lord, was she a mess last night. I walk by some of the older
sisters I went to school with and politely smile. I don’t want to be rude, but
I’m so over these girls.
I look around the kitchen to see if I can find Carter. I haven’t seen
her since I walked out. I actually walked back in to talk to her. But my
mom’s knowing face has stopped me; many times, in fact. She’s trying to
prove her point to get me to admit that I like Carter. I do, I made out with
her last night. I just don’t want to make a big fuss about it. Which she will
do.
I see my mom bustling around the kitchen. She’s multitasking,
tickling the little girls who are playing together while the little guys are
running around and causing havoc. Seeing Carter’s not here I sigh and look
around once more just to double check. My mom is too preoccupied. I back
away slowly to see if she’s in the living room but she’s not there either.
“Where are you?” I whisper to myself as my mom catches me. I
walk over to the refrigerator to fetch some water. I grab a bottle and throw it
in the air, catching it with ease. I can still feel her eyes on me. I walk over to
her and see the cake she made as well as the flowers I sent her.
“You can’t hide it from me, Nick. I know. I’m your mother,” she
teases me. She taps my nose with her index finger like she used to do when
I was younger. I know what she’s talking about but I act dumb and shrug
my shoulders.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mom?” I sip on my
water as I look around the room. The sisters followed me inside, and I stifle
an eye roll at how obvious they are. “Why are they invited?” Nudging my
head over to the girls who are clearly blushing over me.
 “I don’t know what you’re talking about, honey?” She uses my
words against me. Now I can’t hold back the eye roll. I walk around her and
kiss her cheek, practically hearing the girls sigh. Their swoons leave their
lips and their panties need to be picked up off the damn floor.
“Stop it, Mom,” I whisper to her and walk out of the kitchen. I
walk around to the front of the house, through the hallway of family
portraits we took throughout the years, and hear a small giggle. I stop
instantly, thinking nobody should be around here; then I hear it again but it
was a different in tone. I walk towards the hallway trying to figure out
where it came from. I listen carefully so I can hear it again. A few moments
tick by and when I do hear it, I know exactly where it came from.
Ellie’s room.
Giggle after giggle, I hear a loud laugh and I know who is there
with her: the missing girl I’ve wanted to see for the past hour.
I push the door open and see Ellie and Abbie sitting while Carter
is acting out one of their story books, her hair floating around and swishing
through the hair down her back.
“ . . . she can only be woken up by a kiss. A kiss from her true
love.” Her voice was so soft, and I see Ellie staring hopefully at this girl.
Ellie has always been very selective with people. If she likes you, she’ll like
you for life, so I find it unsurprising she’s taken a liking to Carter. Hell, I’m
a little jealous at how much attention my sister is receiving right now.
“Nick! Come here.” Ellie beckons to me so she could whisper
something to me. I see Carter’s head whip around to me so fast she fell
over, and I laugh at her along with the others. I walk over and help her up
only to see her cheeks flare up. I sit behind both of the girls and smile at
Carter, who is sitting cross legged opposite to me. She clears her throat and
looks down at the illustrated pages of the old book to try pick up where she
left off.
“Okay . . . Sooo . . . when the curse was set, she fell into a deep
sleep for days and days, lying on the bed and waiting for her prince to kiss
and wake her. But, they had to search far and wide to find him.” Just
listening to her voice could send you into a deep sleep. Not because it’s
boring, but because it’s melodic—almost soothing.
“Did they find him?” Ellie asks her as she leans forward on her
tiny hands, waiting for the answer. There’s so much excitement in her eyes.
I chuckle lightly as I look at my little sister. She seems to be mesmerized by
Carter, something that she can do too well.
Carter winks at her. “The king went for many years in search of
true loves kiss. Prince after prince, he was slowly losing faith in his
daughter waking up.” Hearing a gasp from both little girls, I smile down at
Ellie who is looking up at me with beady eyes. I pat her head softly with a
smile, letting her know it’s alright. But I’m really trying not to burst out
laughing. I lick my lips as I look back to the storyteller who looks stunning
today. Truly striking.
“Then, the day came where one prince stepped into the castle,”
Carter says in a wishful tone. I could listen to her all day no matter what
she’s saying. I stare at her in her white top and ripped black jeans. Her hair
is still wavy from last night. She looks fresh, but she told me Danielle had
kept her up for most of the night. I kept staring at her when she fell asleep
in the car with the rest of the girls. She looked so angelic, so peaceful, and I
wanted to wrap myself around her and fall asleep with her. I nearly crashed
a few times because I was staring so hard at her, lost in her beauty.
I zoned out completely watching her lips move as she spoke. The
urge to lean over and kiss her was strong—stronger than ever, since we
made out a few times last night. I’ve missed those lips, and it hasn’t been a
full day.
“ . . . leaned over her sleeping body and placed his lips on hers. A
kiss that was so soft and longing—”
“Did she wake up?” Abbie asks, clapping her hands widely, and I
couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. Both little girls turned around to glare
and me, and I shoot my hands up in defense. Then I hear her laugh. My
eyes immediately drift to her contagious laughter,and my heart can’t take it.
It’s beating so fast, I feel like is going to come out of my chest.
What the fuck?
Once she’s finished, she looks at me and then continues to read
the book. “Not only did he feel something between them, she started to
wake up from her deep slumber—”
“YAYY!” Both of them stood up and hugged each other, smiling
and giggling. Carter just watched them, but I kept watching her. Out of the
corner of my eye, I see someone standing in the doorway. I see a blonde
woman stare at me with a knowing grin. I groan at how my mom is
interrupting us.
What is with her trying to prove a point? She’s never been this
determined before. Why can’t she drop this? She’s beginning to actually
make me angry. I push myself up off the floor and ignore the stares. She
wants to play that game, I can play it back. She smiles as I move past her. I
roll my eyes, walking back outside to everyone.
I sigh in frustration. Why can’t I have a few moments alone with
her?

* * *

Carter
Ignored. That’s how I feel right now. Nick’s been ignoring me all
day. I feel so annoyed. Why is he ignoring me? Every time I try to make
conversation with him, he gives me one word answers.
What did I do?
One minute, he was fine when I was reading a story to Ellie and
Abbie. The next, he’s storming out of the room. I don’t know what I said. I
was just reading, following the lines of the book. I’m sure he’s read this
story to Ellie before. Whatever it was, it wasn’t my fault.
Right now, I’m standing in the kitchen with Danielle and Haley,
helping Lynn with the cleaning. Lynn is running back and forth between the
door and the kitchen because people are picking up their kids one by one.
I’m stacking the paper plates from the people outside on the patio
to bring into the kitchen. As I walk by Nick and TJ, I don’t say anything. I
don’t even look at him.
I suddenly stop, realizing a possibility. Is he regretting kissing
me? Or was I just another conquest for him? Is that what’s going on here?
I throw the paper into the black garbage bag and go back outside
to collect more, angrily grabbing any piece of paper I can see so I can
recycle it.
I’m still ignoring him. If he wants to be like that, fine. Be like that.
This is how it works?
This is how it works!
 Once I’m finished, Haley and Danielle decide we could put on a
movie and order some food in since we didn’t eat much. We were helping
Lynn look after the kids and feed them first.
“Ugh, did you see that little kid Drake? He was so fucking cute! I
just wanted to pick him and put him in my pocket to take him home with
me!” Danielle gushes over the little boy who kept following her around all
day and holding her hand. He was so adorable with her. I think he had a
small crush on her.
“I’m pretty sure that’s called kidnapping, Danielle,” I tease her as
the three of us rummage through the movie options on the TV.
“Pfft. Whatever! I want my kid to be as cute as he was! . . . But
any way . . . how about ‘Bridesmaids’?” Danielle points to the screen with
the remote control.
“Fuck no! I’ve seen that too many times thanks to Jackson over
there!” TJ points at Haley, who grins at him. She winks because Nick isn’t
in the room. She and TJ have been flirting like crazy the entire day. It’s cute
when you watch, but they’re so cautious in case Nick is near.
“Oh, you love it. Don’t lie, TJ.” She waves him off as Danielle
flicks through the options again to try find a different one. We hear him
snort, and Haley sticks her tongue out at him as he walks over, sitting on
her. He messes with her by not fully putting his body weight on her. Her
arms flail around as she tries to get him off. She’s giggling uncontrollably
underneath him. Danielle and I smirk at each other at the two of them being
so flirtatious.
“Okay . . . Then how abouuuttt . . . Oh my God! Can we
pleaaassseee!” Danielle whines when she sees “She’s the Man” on the
screen. TJ rolls his eyes while he buries his head into Haley’s neck and she
screams of laughter. “I’ll take that as a yes!” The movie was chosen. A
good movie at that.
Both the lovebirds on the couch were whispering things to each
other, making the other giggle lowly. But footsteps were heard, and TJ
stood up instantly to walk over to a sofa. Haley jumped next to him while
Danielle and I sat on a different couch. We pulled the blanket up over our
legs while Nick set down the pizza that was ordered. We all took slices to
fill our plates for round one. Nick slides into the seat next to me and I sigh,
thinking how nice it feels to have next to me. But I’m annoyed because he’s
been ignoring me practically all day.
I bite into my pizza and feel him shuffle beside me, inching his
body closer to mine. We’re watching the movie in silence, the odd laugh
from someone as we watch Amanda Bynes transform into a guy and act like
she is one.
But the main reason as to why we’re watching this movie is a very
good one.
Channing Tatum.
Cue the global panty drop.
When he comes on the screen in his football uniform, Danielle
looks over to me and quirks her brows in a suggestive manner. I try not to
laugh at her, but she wiggles them. I know what she’s thinking. I dab a
napkin on my mouth, wiping the remaining tomato sauce on my face but
also to try to keep the food inside my mouth.
About an hour into the movie, my phone vibrates on my lap under
the blankets. I looked down to see what it was. A text from a number I don’t
recognise.

Unknown: Hey Carter, it’s Ryan! I was going to message

you earlier but TJ told me you’re at a party. I was wondering if you
wanted to go out with me sometime? I would really like a chance to
go out with you. You seem like a cool girl, let me know �� xx

I freeze after reading the message. I reread it again to make sure I

read it correctly. This guy is very persistent. I stare at the screen for what
feels like forever. Every time it goes black, I turn it back on, not knowing
what to do. I’ve only been on a handful of dates, although they were nice at
the time. I ended up in tears because of what the intention was. I don’t
know if I’m ready for another one.
I sigh and stare up at the larger screen in front of me.
What do I do? How do I reply to that? I don’t want to be mean,
but I don’t think I want to date. I don’t know what I want.
What if I annoy Nick?
Why am I thinking about him?
 He ignored you the entire day, Carter. I feel like another conquest
for him. He’s probably moved on with one of those girls today. Why can’t I
move on?
But a date?
Maybe if it was just us hanging out? I’ve just mentally blocked the
word date. I don’t like it. It brings bad vibes to me.
“Carter?” Danielle snaps her finger in my face and I whip my
eyes around to see all eyes on me.
“Huh?” I ask, embarrassed. I must have zoned out for the rest of
the movie.
“You alright? You look a little pale?” I nod to say yes, although
I’m feeling really uneasy. It could be the nerves trying to answer back
what’s on my phone. Yeah, that’s probably it.
“Yeah. I’m fine, I don’t think the pizza is agreeing with me, that’s
all. I’m good.” I smile back at her, but her quirk of the eyebrow shows she’s
not buying it.
“Bullshit! What’s wrong?” Danielle asks and Haley stands up
from the sofa to get a better look at me. I sigh loudly and give her my
phone. Haley runs beside her to look for herself.
“Ryan asked you out?” Danielle asks as she looks at my screen.
“He what?!” I wince after hearing Nick’s voice for the first time
since the car today. He sounds annoyed. Very annoyed. Why? He’s probably
banged another girl, why can’t I have a guy ask me out? “You’re not going
out with him,” he declares, and that really annoyed me.
He can’t do that. He doesn’t get to do that. He doesn’t get to
ignore me, allowing those girls flirt with him all day, and then when
someone asks me out he answers for me. No, he’s in the wrong. That’s not
fair.
“Actually, I am.” I grab the phone from Danielle and type my
reply to say I would like to meet up sometime and do something fun. I
make sure not to call it a date.
“What?” he asks, sounding a little hurt, and my eyes reach his as
they’re standing over me. I see it in his eyes. Hurt, then he masks it with
anger. “Your choice. Have fun on your date. He’s a piece of shit.” He walks
off, leaving everyone stunned in silence while the credits roll. I watch the
door snap back until it clicks.
 “What’s up his ass?” Haley mutters but slides back onto the sofa
with TJ. I look to Danielle for help. Do I go after him? Or do I leave him?
Why is he so against Ryan? I flump back against the sofa, not feeling good
at all now.

Ryan: Perfect! I’ll pick you up tomorrow at your dorm?

Let’s say 7pm? xx
Me: Sure, see you then!

Guilt sets in. Did I do the right thing? I thought he was over what
happened between us last night. That’s why he ignored me for the entire
day. No, that has to be the reason. He got to me and now he’s moving on to
his next conquest. I thought it was different between us. Clearly, I was too
naive. Why would I be the girl to change him?
“There’s a party tomorrow in one of the guys’ house, you guys
game?” TJ asks, reading the message on his phone.
Haley yells, “Hell yeah, we’re game!” She hoots for added effect.
“I have a date tomorrow,” I whisper lowly. Why did he react so
badly if he’s done with me? I can’t get his face out of my head. Did I make a
rash decision?
“Ryan’s going, he’ll probably take you with him.” I catch TJ’s
eyes and see some sadness in them. Does he know something I don’t? What
was that look for? I nod back, trying to get the awkward attention off me.
Later that night, we’re all in bed and the three of us are cuddled
up to each other. It’s a cold night. Well, it is for me. The others don’t think
it’s too bad. I’m in a large hoody trying to keep myself warm. Usually at
nighttime, I can’t keep myself warm. I don’t know what it is about me. Both
girls are glued to their phones, giggling every so often.
“Ugh! Look at what Maya is wearing here.” Danielle shows me
and Haley her phone. She’s in a short red dress—a very short red dress. My
heart sinks seeing who liked it. Nick. People are tagging him in the
comments and I feel so upset.
Those rumors were right. He does always go back to her. I
should’ve known better. They’re more suited to each other anyway. She’s
stunning while I’m so plain. She has tons of friends while I only have a
handful. She immediately gets attention when entering a room while I fade
into the background. We’re so different. Why did he even bother last night.
I feel the tears prick in my eyes. I refuse to cry over him. I refuse
to do that. They deserve each other.
“Ugh. She’s so annoying. Yeah, she’s hot, but she’s so annoying!”
Haley rolls her eyes at the picture. “My brother, of course, liked it . . . What
an idiot. He always goes back to her.” Her eyes focus back on her phone
and I feel a shiver up my spine. I’m pretty much trying to stop my body
from vibrating. I pull another blanket up my body to keep some warmth in
me, any warmth.
“Are you alright, Carter?” Danielle stares down at me and I smile
back up at her dimly lit face. “You’re shaking and you have about five
layers of clothes on your body.” She puts down her phone and rubs my
upper arm for friction and heat but it’s no use.
“I can get you a hot-water bottle?” Haley asks and I rapidly nod. I
love hot-water bottles in bed. They feel so good. She smiles at us. “Then I
can talk to TJ.” She winks and slips out of the bed. We hear her feet patter
along the wood in the room. She swings the door open and walks down the
stairs to get me my warmth in a bottle.
Moments later, we hear another set of footsteps coming down the
hallway and we both smile because we know who it is. TJ stands in the
doorway smiling at us. “Kitchen,” we whisper to him.
He winks at us as he leaves, but then he comes back. “Are you
alright, Carter?” He checks up on me. It’s sweet, unlike his best friend. I
nod and smile to assure him not to worry about me and spend time with
Haley downstairs. He taps the wooden frame before leaving shirtless with
his sweatpants hanging off his hips.
Safe to say, Haley’s going to die when she sees him.
We lay in bed, waiting for a squeal from her. Once we hear it, we
both chuckle and simultaneously say, “Knew it.” Which makes us both
laugh even more. After a few moments of just staring at the door and
ceiling, Danielle is the first to speak, ending the silence.
“So . . . this date?” I groan at the word. I truly hate it. It makes my
stomach queasy. “I thought you didn’t like Ryan?” she questions me.
“I don’t . . . Well, I do, just not really like that? He’s nice but . . .”
I wave my head around, trying to figure out how to say I’m not interested in
anyone as nice as possible.
“You like someone else . . .” she tries to finish the sentence. I
shake my head, but I know it’s no use. We’ve only known each other a short
period of time, but she already knows when I’m not telling the truth. “Come
on, what happened? Why did you say yes?” She pokes her finger in my ribs
making me laugh a little.
“Nothing—”
“Don’t nothing me, Carter! Come on, I’m not going to tell
anyone. Pinky swear.” She pulls out her pinky finger and I hook mine
around it. She can’t take it back now. It’s set.
“Okay . . . So last night, Nick and I kissed—”
“What?” she exclaims. “Are you fucking serious! And you’re
only telling me NOW?” She hisses lowly at me.
“I know, I know. I couldn’t exactly tell you last night or this
morning could I?! You were . . . busy.” I see a red tint decorate her cheeks.
“Plus, Haley was around, and I don’t need her to know yet. By the way, I’m
not friends with her to get to him!” I defend myself before shit can hit the
fan. Danielle nods, knowing that I’m telling the truth. “So, we made out like
three times last night..”
“Oh, you lucky bitch! Was he good?” She swoons and squeezes
my arm tightly.
I nod before I begin again, “He’s really sweet. I didn’t want to
stop. He walked me home and we kissed twice. We kissed on the roof of the
sorority house before Maya and Haley kicked off—”
“That’s where you two were! I was wondering why you two
walked in together!” I blush at the memory. I felt like I was on cloud nine
then.
“But he’s been ignoring me all day. So I assumed he’s done with
me and wants a different girl. That’s why I said yes to Ryan. It kind of just
slipped out, you know? Once it was out, I couldn’t take it back. And the
next thing I knew, I was replying to him. I don’t know what I was thinking.
He’s a nice guy, but I don’t want him to want to date me because of who I
am, you know?” She nods down at me. She sighs as she thinks about the
mess I’m in. It might not be much trouble to other people, but it is to me.
“I have noticed he’s been avoiding you today . . . I’ve been trying
to figure out why.” She wonders
 “See! It’s not just me!” I whine covering my face. “I think he’s
regretting it so he’s choosing to act like it didn’t happen and he’s moving on
to another girl. I’m so stupid!” I mutter into my hands. Danielle rests her
head on my shoulder, comforting me and wrapping an arm around my waist
so we’re cuddled up to each other.
“You’re not stupid, Carter. He’s a guy. This is what they do,
unfortunately. I’m sorry this keeps happening to you. You deserve better.”
She sighs loudly. I can feel it on my hands still covering my face. “Maybe
you should give Ryan a shot? It might not be as bad as you think.” I think
about what she said for a moment longer than I should.
“I’ve said yes, so I kind of have to now . . .” I tell her, sounding
defeated. What have I gotten myself into?
“It’s good to get out there and try different things. I think you
should, I mean, it clearly pissed Nick off earlier. I don’t know why if he’s
been ignoring you all day, but maybe he needs his ego checked?” She
giggles, trying to lighten the situation. But I don’t want to do that to either
guys. I don’t want to hurt either of them to get under someone’s skin. It’s
not right. But I’ve made my bed, now it’s time to lie in it. I’ve said yes to
this “date” and now I will go.
I nod, ending the conversation as two people make their way back
up the stairs to us. We see both of them acting all cutesy as they’re blushing
at each other. TJ has yet to take her out, but he’s finding it hard because of
football and Nick. He’s trying to put a plan together to distract Nick so he
doesn’t find out. Haley is getting impatient as time ticks on, but he assures
her it will happen and he hasn’t forgotten.
“ ’Night girls.” He waves in at us and kisses Haley on the
forehead. We say good night back as she closes the door. Her grin is taking
up her entire face. It’s creepy in this lighting right now.
“Ugh . . . he’d make the best boyfriend.” She swoons with her
back pressed against the door.
She’s a hopeless romantic. She clearly adores him; she does
nothing but talk about him when we talk about boys. Well, when the two of
them talk about boys; I have nothing to say. Especially right now, seeing as
I really don’t want to talk about it but Haley is convinced that Kevin likes
me. I deny it all the time, telling her we’re just friends because I don’t see
him like that. He’s very nice, don’t get me wrong, and quite handsome but
I’m just not attracted to him like that. However, I can see most girls are
when I’m with him. He’s charming and sweet, that’s why the girls like him
so much, he’s easy to talk to.
I have the hot water bottle tucked in beside me to help me warm
up and fall asleep easily once we’re all settled in.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Petty

Carter
We’re driving along the street to get to where Ryan made his
plans for the date. We’re making small talk while we make our way to
wherever our destination is. He seems like a really nice guy. Polite and
sweet. I have no idea where he’s taking me for this date.
I hope he’s not a weird serial killer that’s going to chop me up in a
remote place. I would like a degree before any of that happens.
Carter, chill, I mentally scold myself for that thought. You’re
being over dramatic now.
Once we stop, I see we’re at a bowling alley. I smile at the sight of
the building. I haven’t been to one since I was fifteen. He opens my door
for me and holds out his hand, allowing me to slip out of his truck. He
chuckles before he speaks. I’m just looking up in awe, remembering all the
times I went to a bowling alley with my brothers.
“This alright?” he asks me.
“Yeah, this is cool. I haven’t gone bowling in years.” I grin as I
watch the double doors swing back and forth with couples and families
walking in and out. A big blue and pink sign above highlights “Benny’s
Bowling” above me. I see young people run past the window every so often
as we approach the entrance. It looks to be a group of them playing around
with each other after a kid’s party.
We walk in together, and he holds the door open for me. We head
straight to the counter to get our shoes. The employee flits her eyelashes at
Ryan and I try not to giggle. What is with these guys and all of these girls?
They look like they don’t notice it half of the time; it’s probably because
they’re used to it.
 “I hope you and your sister have a good time,” she says
seductively. Sister? I don’t look like him, I thought to myself. I start eyeing
Ryan’s features to see what part of us look alike.
“Actually, were on a date.” He takes my hand, and I hear a gasp
leave her mouth. Pulling me away to get to our lane, we climb down the
steps, our feet sliding along the floor.
Ryan types in both our names and he turns around to smile at me.
“You ready to get annihilated?” The smugness is evident in his tone. I’m so
nervous, I actually nod stupidly to his question. I face palm myself when he
starts laughing at me. “Hey, chill, Carter. It’s just me.” I smile back at his
kindness.
He’s trying to make me feel comfortable. I feel so out of place.
It’s probably just because I’m so nervous?
Half an hour into the game, he kept his promise in annihilating
me. I knew athletes would be competitive, but I didn’t realize it was this
bad. I wonder if Nick is this competitive?
Stop that. You’re with someone else, you can’t think about him.
I shake my head, ridding the memory. I stand up because it’s my
turn. There’s at least a one hundred point difference between me and Ryan.
I take the lightest ball and walk to the line, throwing it as best I can. It’s
heading straight down the middle and towards the pins. Am I going to get
my first strike of the night?
Please. Please. Please. Just one. Oh God, just this once.
I cross my fingers while trying not to yell at the damn ball every
time it threatens to swerve left or right. Everything seems to be in slow
motion as I watch impatiently for the ball to meet the standing pins.
Crash.
Every single one of them falls down, and I stand there in complete
shock. I got a strike. I start jumping up and down and clapping like a seal
out of water;I practically look like an idiot. Once I spin around, I see Ryan
is smiling at me with two thumbs up, and I grin so hard at him.
“Nice one!” he cheers to me, and I sit back on the seat beside him.
“Thanks,” I shyly reply back to him. I feel his eyes on me so I
turn back around to face him. I was right, he’s still staring at me. I feel my
cheeks blush from the attention. Why is he staring at me? Oh shit, do I have
something in my face?
 “You look really pretty tonight, Carter.” He places his arm around
the back of the seat I’m in, leaning in closer to me. I stand up abruptly and
tell him I need to make a call. He nods, smiling up at me, and I walk back
out the front doors, nearly fumbling over my own feet trying to get away.
I call Danielle and wait for her to answer.
“Hello?” She finally answers on the sixth ring, sounding slightly
breathless but I honestly don’t want to know.
“Danielle!” I say in a panic.
“Carter? What’s up? Aren’t you meant to be out with Ryan?” she
quizzes me. What am I doing?
“Yeah, I’m on the date now . . .” I wander off, trying to figure out
why I actually called her. I shudder at the word. Why did I call her?
“Okay . . . so you’re calling me because . . .?” I wait a few
seconds to answer her, but I can’t think of anything to say. “Are you alright,
Carter? You’re breathing really heavy right now.” I hear her shuffle around.
I now consciously hear my own breathing. It’s going one hundred miles an
hour.
Shit. I’m having a panic attack. Why now of all times?
“Carter, just listen to me. Breathe in and out, okay? Copy me. In .
. . out . . . in . . . out . . . Keep doing that and say it back to me” she instructs
me. “Okay . . . Now, tell me what’s up? Is it Ryan? Did he say something?”
Shaking my head no. She can’t see you Carter!
“No no, he hasn’t said anything. He’s been so nice . . . really nice .
. . but . . .” I don’t know how to say it nicely. I’m just not feeling anything
with him. I feel so guilty that I’ve lead him on. I shouldn’t have agreed to
this date. I mentally berate myself.
“But what? You can tell me? Are you not feeling it?” I shake my
head only to realize she can’t see me.
“Danielle, I feel awful that I don’t feel anything with him, even
though I think he feels something with me. I feel like I’ve lead him on . . .”
I huff at how stupid I was to agree to this. The guilt is sitting in my stomach
and it’s heavy. I can’t do anything about it, I feel so shitty.
“Okay, but it’s still so early for you two. You might end up
actually liking him, maybe only as a friend? Just go back in and keep going
until it’s over, then make your decision,” she coaches me through this. I’m
so bad at these things. Thank God she knows what to do.
 “What if he asks me out again?” I blurt out, scared of the
proposition. I don’t know if I want to go out with anyone.
“Then answer him honestly.” I sigh, knowing she’s right. I should
go back inside, it’s been a long time.
“Okay, I’ll see you guys later then?” Hearing her agree, we hang
up.
I walk back inside to see Ryan talking to a group of girls that are
leaning over the seats. His arms are resting behind him cooly on the other
side, pretty far from them. I don’t know whether to make my way to him
and interrupt or leave him to it. He seems to be in his element with the
attention.
Watching them laugh at whatever he said, I don’t notice my feet
walking towards him; he does though. His tongue is out on his lips, wetting
them, and he smirks at me.
“Hey, you good?” he asks me as I slip into the seat beside him.
“Yeah, thought I left the straightener on,” I lied, surprising myself.
His eyes widen in realization how dangerous it was. “I didn’t, it’s all okay. I
called Danielle she said it wasn’t plugged in.” Relief washes over his face
and I smile back at him. He taps my leg with his.
“Glad to hear it. So, I was thinking, you want to go to a party with
me? It’s a friend of mine’s birthday. Caleb? From the football team? Have
you met him?” I shake my head. “Well, he’s throwing a party tonight. I
know it’s a Monday and all, but he only throws them on his actual birthday;
he doesn’t care about what day it falls on. And he throws pretty epic parties
too.” He laughs shaking his head.
I smile and tell him I’d like to go. I’d like to see Haley and
Danielle since I know that they’re going. So, it’s not like I won’t know
anyone there. It puts my racing mind at ease.
We slide off the bowling shoes and make our way to the counter
once more, returning them to a different girl behind the desk, who smiles at
the both of us as we put our other shoes back on. She asks us if we had a
good time. I nod while Ryan stares down at me as he places his shoes on the
countertop.
“I had an amazing time,” he says as he stares at me, my cheeks
going bright red at his tone. The way he said it was low and lust-filled. He
surprised me at how close he got; then he really surprised me by kissing my
cheek. I turned as red as a tomato.
We walk out to the car and see that the sky is really dark. I feel
Ryan’s warm hand on my back. I slide into the passenger seat once he opens
my door and notice those girls follow behind us and smirk at Ryan.
I saw it. The lust on their faces.
Starting the engine up and driving out slowly, everyone in the
group all wave to him and he waves back. Did he just flirt with those girls
while he took me out? How rude. I know I don’t like him like that, but still,
it’s rude to flirt with all of them while you’re taking someone out. I
wouldn’t do that to him, so it’s not okay for him to do that to me.
Moments later, with strained small talk, we arrive at the house and
I slip out of the car, not waiting for his help. We walk into the house
together to see Danielle with Haley and TJ behind the booming speaker in
the kitchen. Then I see Maya sitting like a lapdog on Nick’s lap, his hand
stroking her exposed thigh. She’s sitting in a tight purple dress with specs of
gold on it. Her legs are so open, I can practically see her panties. I scowl at
the thought. He’s entertaining the idea. He’s not pushing her off him like
this morning.
I saw him earlier with her when I was walking to class. They were
making out, and I felt the bile rise up my throat. I had to run to the
bathroom to not get sick. The only thought I had was that he did move on.
He moved back to her. Typical. He crushed me in the process. As much as
I’d like to say it doesn’t bother me, it does. Seeing him with her hurts. It’s
painful. I thought he liked me. I guess not.
He’s now sipping in his beer, acting like nothing has happened,
and feel sick again.

* * *

Nick
Maya’s pretty much grinding on me while I sit on the sofa, our
group surrounding me in a light chatter. But when Carter entered in, I
couldn’t look away. I only stopped when I saw that dickhead behind her.
She looked so stunning in her grey jeans and blue top with a black leather
jacket resting on her shoulders. I see she’s not wearing any heels either. She
looks smaller and cuter.
She looks gorgeous.
I pull Maya closer to me, and she leans in to whisper filthy things
in my ear. I feel my member growing harder by the second. Not because of
her words, but because I’m imagining Carter doing all those things to me. I
need to stop thinking about her.
Fuck. Nick, she went out with Ryan. If that doesn’t scream “I’m
over you” then I don’t know what will. I see from the corner of my eye that
he has his arm wrapped around her waist. I fucking hate it. I really fucking
hate it. He’s staking his claim, but she’s not his. When he notices me staring
at her, he pulls her even closer to him, wrapping that arm ever tighter
around her perfect body.
I watch them both maneuvre through the small crowd gathered in
front of me. Everyone says hi to Ryan, all except for me. I can’t even
fucking look at the prick. I see my drink has run out in my hand and lift
Maya off me so I can grab another in the other room. She goes and talks to
Kelly.
I see TJ with the three girls in the kitchen and bend down to get
another chilled bottle. I plan on getting absolutely wasted tonight, blackout
drunk. TJ comes over to join me to get one while I take the cap off mine.
He sets his bottle down in front of me, silently asking for me to do the
same. “You good, bro?” he asks me.
“Fan-fucking-tastic, TJ,” I sarcastically reply. I’m not in the
mood. He gives me a knowing look.
“Maybe you should talk to her?” He jerks his head over to
Carter’s back. I immediately zone in on her perky and inviting ass.
“And say what exactly?” I shrug, taking a sip. I’m noticeably
checking her out. I don’t give a fuck either.
“Nick, man, come on. Stop being so stubborn and just talk to her.”
He nudges my shoulder before walking away and taking Haley and Danielle
with him. She finds an empty cup to fill with water. She’s standing beside
me but not acknowledging me. It’s driving me fucking crazy. Once the water
is in the cup, she dumps it out and fills it back up again with cold water. I
watch her every move, study her. She looks fucking incredible. I hate that
I’m thinking that, but she does. I drink her up, allowing my eyes to keep
trailing her body.
She turns around to meet my eyes. I wanted to say something to
her, but she walks away, leaving me alone in a crowded room. I stand there
for a while, not wanting to go back into the other room. All I want to do is
for us to go back to normal. I want to kiss her and hold her. That’s all I
fucking want.
I’m a little drunk now. I can feel it. I’m reaching the point where
I’ll say just about anything. And for the first time in my life, I’m feeling
needy. I chase after her.
Now I’m pissed, because the douchebag himself walks into the
kitchen. He stands over beside me, making himself a drink. “Jackson,” he
greets me with a smug smile on his face. God, I’ve come to hate this guy
more than ever. I feel bad if I see Rob too. I won’t like his face either,
seeing as they’re identical.
“Prick,” I mumble into my bottle and he laughs back. I say what I
want when I’m drunk. Even then, I’d still say that sober as well. He is a
prick.
“Now, now, no need to be bitter, Jackson. I won fair and square.”
He smirks moving his head to the side.
“She isn’t a game, Ryan. You’re a fucking moron if you think so.”
The anger lights up in his eyes and I smirk knowing I’ve hit a nerve. Let it
begin.
“At least I got a fucking date with her! How far did you get?
Yeah, nowhere!” He leans over me, trying to get right in my face to
intimidate me, but as luck would have, I’m not scared of him. “And I’ll get
further tonight with her too. She’s looking so fucking sexy tonight. I can’t
wait for her to moan my name when she cums on my dick. You can watch if
you want?” He winks at the end, pleased with himself. The things coming
out of his mouth is fucking vile. He can’t talk about her like that. He can’t
talk about anyone like that, especially not Carter.
“What did you say?” I push my face against his and challenge this
pussy. I set the bottle down over to the side of the counter.
“You heard me, Jackson. Get the fuck out of my face!” he roars
back at me, but I don’t even flinch. The room suddenly goes quiet, and all
eyes are on us. I can feel them; I don’t care. Prepare for a show boys, shit is
about to kick off.
“You touch her like that, I will end your fucking life, Ryan,” I
warn him. If he opens his mouth and lets it run like that again, I will nail
him to the fucking wall. I’m so pissed off at him.
“Is that a threat, Jackson?” He’s testing my patience.
“That’s a promise, Averman.” I push back. We’re in each other’s
faces like last time, foreheads touching, and I’m about to ram this idiot’s
face into the ground if he doesn’t shut the fuck up.
The smirk on his face tells me he’s not going to let up. I’m game,
I will punch the manners back into this guy for talking about her like that.
“I’ll let you know how she tastes.” He grins sinisterly back before
taking a step out of the space. My fist collides with his jaw, pummelling
him back to the ground. Screams and the scattering of people can be heard.
I launch myself on top of him with both our fists in the open air, swiping at
one another. Gasps and screams are heard around us and we hear footsteps
rush into the room. I know he’s getting his own punches in—I can taste my
blood—but I have too much adrenaline in me right now to feel the pain. I’m
getting more punches in; I’m in control of ruining this pretty boy’s face and
stopping that mouth from running any further.
Punch after punch, I’m finally dragged off of him. Three guys pull
me out of the room, one being TJ, and I give Ryan the middle finger as I’m
being dragged out, proud that I sent him a strong message to leave her the
fuck alone.
“You’re a fucking psycho, Jackson!” he screams back at me, still
on the floor. I’m being dragged outside by my teammates, and Danielle
storms over to me. She hits my chest, telling me to walk over to the side.
“What the fuck was that?” she yells to me. Her eyes tell me she’s
angry. Why?
“Why the fuck are you pissed?” I bite back at her. Her brows
furrow instantly, and I know I’m in for a good lashing from her. TJ is
comforting a shaken Haley over beside the cars. But where’s Carter?
“Why am I pissed? Why am I pissed?” She laughs hysterically
before continuing on, “I’m annoyed because you beat the shit out of my
friend’s date for no reason. You looked like you were in a jealous rage in
there! This is your fault! Why did you beat him up, Nick? What the fuck
happened?” Her voice turns into a squeaky mess when she asks me that last
part.
“I didn’t like the way he was talking about her, so I put I few
manners into him.” I shrug, pacing back and forth between the tree and her.
The urge to punch the tree is strong, but I restrain myself because I need my
arm for football.
“What’s it to you? You’re the one who moved on!” she yells at me
and I look over to my sister to see if she heard her. She didn’t because she’s
talking to Reggie and Cas with TJ by her side.
“Moved on? What the hell are you talking about?” I ask, confused
as hell as to what she’s talking about. I only did because she did.
“Don’t play dumb!” She steps closer to me. I’ve never seen her so
pissed. She’s usually not the serious type, she’s the one who constantly
makes joke after joke.
“Danielle, I honestly don’t know what the fuck you’re talking
about,” I say while gritting my clenched teeth. My hands are on my hips
trying to calm myself down, but she’s not helping at the moment.
“You ignoring her the whole day yesterday! That’s what I’m
talking about!” she whisper yells at me knowing Haley’s close by.
“Fuck.” I sigh and run my hands through my hair. “Fuck,” I repeat
turning to face the tree. I run my hands along my hair.
“So care to explain, Nick?” She has that same tone, calm yet
angry.
“What did she tell you?” I ask her, trying to get inside Carter’s
head. I fucked up. I know I did. With a capitol ‘F’.
“She told me everything. I know you two kissed,” she whispers to
me as she steps even closer. “She thinks you’re regretting it or that you
thought she was another one of your conquests and now you’ve moved on
to the next one. Or, in this case, downgraded to Maya . . . again.” I don’t
like the way she says “again” like it was obvious that I was going to go
back to her. Everyone says it, but it’s not true. I only go back because she’s
a guaranteed lay. That’s it.
“Shit!” I run my hand down my face and stop at my mouth, biting
down on my finger. She thinks I regret what happened with her. It’s the
furthest thing from it. I fucking revelled in tasting her lips.
 “So tell me what the fuck set you off in there.” she asks softly. I
look up to see her standing there with a solemn look on her face, pleading
for me to tell her what happened.
“I didn’t like the way he rubbed the date in my face. I didn’t like
what he was saying about her. And I most certainly didn’t like the way he
keeps claiming her as his,” I tell her truthfully.
Because, she’s not his. She’s mine. My body shakes at that
thought. But it feels so right.
She’s mine.
“I need to talk to her, Danielle, will you get her to talk to me? I
know she’ll be annoyed at me, but I really need to explain this to her.” She
nods, knowing that I’ve fucked up massively and that all of what I said just
now needs to be repeated to the girl I can’t stop thinking about.
“Alright . . . you go up to the room to the left of the bathroom and
I’ll bring her in there when nobody is around.” I nod and smile at her.
“I owe you big time!” I start walking back inside past people and
make my way up the stairs. I get stopped by a hand gripping my forearm. I
turn thinking it was my sister but it was Maya and her minions.
“What the hell, Nick?” she hisses at me. I roll my eyes taking my
arm away from her. All I see is regret stamped on her face when I look at
her.
She’s not Carter; she never will be.
I continue walking up to where Danielle told me to wait for her
and lock the door, making may way to the bed. I sit down on it with a
bounce and feel the room spin. No more alcohol for me.
My knuckles are starting to throb, and I see the dried up blood on
my broken skin. That’s twice I’ve punched him. Hopefully, he gets the
goddamn message this time. She doesn’t belong to him. She’s mine. She
will always be mine.
Suddenly, the nerves sink into my stomach, and I fiddle with my
fingers anticipating her arrival. The minutes feel like hours as I wait for her.
My breathing is ragged, and I don’t even know where to start. I know if I
prepare something it’ll all go out the window once I see her. My mind turns
to mush when she’s around.
Apologize. That’s a good start Nick.
 Swallowing the lump in my throat, I hear the door knob jiggle a
little, then a soft knock and a whisper of my name. It’s her. I race to unlock
and open it quickly. She steps in before anyone could see her. I slam it shut
and lock it behind her.
She stares at my face, her eyes wandering around at what I think
is bruises and cuts. My jaw tenses at the sight of her.
“Are you okay?” she asks softly reaching up to touch my face but
quickly retracts her hand back down to her side.
“Carter, I’m sorry,” I quickly say in defense.
“You should be saying that to Ryan, not me.” I rest my forehead
on hers, sighing at the hard tone in her voice. I close my eyes, relishing in
her smell. She’s quickly become my obsession. I can’t get enough of her.
“He deserved it,” I tell her sternly. She shouldn’t be defending
him. She doesn’t know though. “I asked Danielle to bring you up here so I
can apologize to you for the way I acted yesterday. I’m sorry that I ignored
you. I can explain . . .” I sigh, thinking how this is all going to sound: petty.
All because of my mom trying to prove a point, it has landed me in a fight
of the same point she’s trying to prove.
“My mom thinks you were my girlfriend. She asked me if I liked
you and I told her no.” As I say that, I hear a defeated sigh leave her mouth
as shuts her eyes, but I’m not finished. “She knew I was lying”—her eyes
snaps back open to meet mine where I can talk to her—“but I was pushing
it down because she likes to make a big deal out of everything.” I roll my
eyes as I think about her. “So she invited you over yesterday to see for
herself. I was stubborn and kept denying it to her. That’s why all those girls
were there, too, she wanted to compare how I acted around them to how I
acted around you. So to get her off my case, I ignored you. And I shouldn’t
have. It was wrong of me. So, I’m sorry I upset you.”
There was silence between us. I can hear the wheels turning in her
her head. I’m so close to her. Our heads are touching, and I don’t want to
move.
“I also don’t regret kissing you. And I only got with Maya
because you got with Ryan. I know it’s petty but—”
“I didn’t get with Ryan,” she whispers, moving her eyes around
the room until they reach mine again to assure me. “I only went out with
him because I felt shitty about you ignoring me . . . That was wrong of me
too. I shouldn’t have done that to you or him,” she continues on. I bite my
lip immediately and feel the sting, so I hiss loudly and mumble profanities.
Then she did the last thing I expected her to do: she kissed my lips on
where it hurt, then my cheeks, then my jaw. I groan and pull her head closer
to my chest, hugging her tight. Her arms take hold of my waist and
squeezes me.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble down into her hair.
“I forgive you,” she mumbles back into my chest. I smile down at
her holding on to me. Those words that left her mouth made my night. “I’m
sorry too.” The heat of her words scorch through the thin material I’m
wearing. A comforting silence blankets us, then she shuffles to look up at
me. “Do you not forgive me?” she asks in the cutest tone I’ve ever heard in
my entire life. I soften even more at her.
“Of course I forgive you, Carter.” I kiss her forehead laughing at
the face she’s making. “And another thing?” I ask her, and she nods
attentively. “Don’t go out with that idiot again.” I see a smile form at my
words with an eye roll. “I’m serious, he’s a dick. Don’t waste your time on
him.” I raise my eyebrow seriously as I’m warning her.
“It was just one date. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy,
Nick.” She giggles stepping away from me. Pulling on my hand, she tugs
me to the bathroom. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” She shrugs what I
said off. I sit on the closed toilet seat and watch her wet a piece of toilet
paper. She makes her way over to me and daps on my wounds lightly. I
jokingly hiss, making her jump back and start to laugh. She slaps me on my
arm while giggling a little. She does it again and this time I take the time to
stare at her natural beauty.
She really is beautiful.
She’s hunched over, focusing on wiping the blood off me. I reach
out to take her waist and pull her towards me. A shocked expression takes
over her face.
“What are you doing?” she asks. I sit her down straddling me with
my hands either side of her hips. I stroke them to ease the nerves I hear in
her voice.
“Allowing you to get closer.” It was a bold move, I know, but I
couldn’t help myself. I wanted her closer to me. I wanted to feel her body
again. There’s something about her I just can’t stay away from. She keeps
pulling me back in every time, and I let her.
She continues again, and I stroke the outside of her thighs. I know
I’m making her nervous. Her breathing is rapid. I smirk at her since I know
I’m affecting her this much. Her eyes meet mine. We’re so close to each
other. I grip her legs a little harder, shifting her body towards mine. I love
this position we’re in. I’d prefer it with no clothes.
Easy there, Nick, I mentally reprimand myself. Calm your boy
down.
“You’re all clean,” she whispers to me. “You just have a busted lip
and a few bruises but you should be alright.” She throws the tissue in the
trash behind me, not taking her eyes away from me. I wrap my arms around
her waist pulling us chest to chest.
“Thank you, nurse Carter,” I tease, but I feel a sudden growth in
my pants. The thought of her in a nurse’s outfit has my pants tightening.
Fuck me, she’d look insane in that. The things I would do to her if she
dressed up in that. I mentally groan at the image of her in a short dress,
stockings, and heels bending over to take care of me when I’m sick. She
shuffles a little, rubbing off my dick. I close my eyes at the sensations she
caused. Fuck, that felt amazing. She shuffles again, making my eyes snap
open to see if she’s doing this on purpose.
“Um . . . Nick?” she asks.
I mumble out, “Yeah.” I try to gather my thoughts together.
“You think you could move your phone so it’s not poking me?”
She laughs a little. I lose it and completely get lost in myself laughing at
what she just said to me. Once I stop, I see a puzzled expression on her cute
little face. I lean in so our noses are touching.
“That’s not my phone.” I wink back at her. She furrows her brows
thinking about it. This girl is so innocent, it’s unbelievable.
Then it hits her; like a moving train. She buries her head in her
hands. “I’m sorry!” she cries, and I laugh at her once more.
“Why are you sorry? I’m not!” I pull her even closer to me while
her head rests on my shoulder. I kiss her neck and moan from her scent.
“Carter, I like you. This is the reaction you give me most of the time I’m
with you. Especially when I walked in on you last week changing,” I
mumble the last part to myself but she shoots herself up from my shoulder,
still straddling me.
“What?” she asks, perplexed by this. Why is she so surprised?
She’s fucking sexy. I’d say I’m not the only one in this house with a boner
looking at her. I nod, trying to get her to believe what I’m saying. Her eyes
widen and she starts to laugh again. Once it dies down, she mumbles back
to me, “I like you too.” Now I’m grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.
I hug her close and bury my face into the crook of her neck,
pecking her skin lightly so the wound on my lip won’t open again. “But I
don’t like it when you beat the crap out of people,” she finishes. I wince at
her tone but don’t let her go.
“I’m sorry you saw that, but I didn’t like the way he was talking
about you. He was rude and vulgar, and that’s no way to treat any girl. Even
when she’s not around, it just doesn’t sit well with me.” I grind my teeth
together as I replay his words in my head; him telling me he’ll let me know
how she tastes. Piece of shit.
“What did he say?” she asks me.
“It doesn’t matter—”
“It does to me, Nick, I’d appreciate if you told me. If it’s
something horrible, I still want to know so I can put manners on him.” I
smirk at the thought of her defending herself. I sigh heavily, knowing that’s
she’s not going to like it.
“He said . . . are you sure you want to know?” She leans back
once again to stare at me and nods. I know she’s right. “He said that he cant
wait for you to moan his name and cum on his dick. And that he’ll let me
know how you taste.” I see her eyes light up with anger; steam is basically
coming out of her ears. I see red flags around her head as she stands up
away from me. She slams open the door of the bathroom hitting of the the
adjacent wall, I’m frozen by her quick reaction. At least she’s not pissed at
me this time.
I jog behind her and ask, “Where are you going?” But she doesn’t
let up and trails down the stairs two steps at a time before jumping down the
rest.
“To put some manners on this guy,” she growls. I’ve never heard
that tone before. It was sexy. Swirling around the archway, people are
gathered around still drinking. Maya’s eyes land on Carter but she doesn’t
care. She carries on her way over to the idiot of the night.
Carter spots Ryan, who smirks at her then me, thinking she’s
going to throw herself at him. Oh, buddy, you thought wrong. Bulldozing
her way over to him, he stands up, readying himself for her embrace.
“There you ar—” Smack. Right on the cheek. She didn’t hold
back for a second. “What the hell?” He grabs hold of his cheek and there’s a
stunned silence in the room. Attagirl!
“You ever talk about me like that again, I will do more damage
than he just did, got it?!” She stares at Ryan, who’s at a loss for words. For
once, he shuts up. Until the moment of glorious silence is filled by his
obnoxious voice once more.
“What? What the hell are you talking about? What did he tell
you?” Ryan points over to me, his eyes burning a hole through me, and he
stomps over to my direction, asking for another beating that I’ll happily
give him. Rob pushes him back along with Reggie while TJ holds on to me.
“Leave it, Nick,” TJ warns me and I don’t look away from Ryan.
“He’s lying, whatever he told you . . . he’s lying, Carter.” Ryan
breaks the stare off to look at an unimpressed Carter standing in front of
him. I feel someone on my back stroking her fingers up and down.
“What are you doing?” Maya says in a singsong tone in my ear
from behind, not happy with the night and how it’s being played out. I can
smell the alcohol off of her. I’m probably not much better.
Carter slips away from the attention and Haley runs out along
with Danielle. Ryan watches her leave and so do I, whipping his head
around to face me once more. His eyes are on fire.
Shutting them, he cools himself back down, balling and unballing
his fists, then slowly walking over to me with TJ sandwiched between us.
TJ is not backing away from us even though Ryan is hot tempered and can’t
control himself half of the time. Both of us have our fists balled readying
for whoever gives up first. We square off each other once more, it’s like a
showdown now. His jaw ticking, itching to get the last word in.
It’s hot in the room. The anger that both of us are emitting is
flaring in waves of long wavelengths. I step a little closer to his face,
inching daringly closer to this idiot. He looks like he wants to say
something but I interrupt him getting the last words in.
 “She’s not yours, Ryan, she never will be. You may have gotten a
date with her, but that’s all you’ll get.” I step away from him, feeling the
anger radiate off him. I start to back away but then stop. I stare over TJ’s
shoulder, and as a final blow, I tell him, “Because she’s mine.”
I walk away from him, smirking to myself.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Piss Off My Wife and You’ll Know All
About It

Nick
“Why on earth do you watch this crap?” I ask the TV, but Danielle
answers. I’m only here so I can see Carter today. I haven’t seen her since
the party, and I know I sound like a pussy, but I miss her.
“Because I literally can’t with my anxiety.” I laugh at her trying to
copy the Kardashian’s tone. So valley girl, not that I would know because I
haven’t heard one, but in my own head, that’s what it sounds like. Haley has
rushed off to a class and won’t be done until four today.
I was bored, and I’m kind of trying to avoid Maya. She’s been
texting me nonstop, so much that I’ve decided to turn my phone off
completely. After what happened two nights ago, I’ve been trying to stay
away from getting the shitty end of her wrath.
The house has been tense too. Ryan and I can’t be in the same
room unless there are at least two others in case a fight breaks out between
us. Insults have been thrown at each other from every angle, and the guys
are sick of it. It’s affecting our team play. I almost avoid passing to Ryan,
and because he’s a wide receiver, I have to when I have no other option.
Coach noticed it too. He called both of us aside to grill us and we
both couldn’t even look at each other or him. He sensed something
happened between us and warned us that it better not be over a girl. He
noticed the bruises and cuts on our faces and knew instantly what we did to
each other, but he let us off with only a warning. If the practice was the
same as yesterday’s, then we’re benched. Both of us.
“Seriously, you watch anymore of this shit, your brain will turn to
mush.” I turn my phone back on to see message after message from Maya
as well as Haley complaining that Maya is messaging her too. This is
another reason why I don’t do girlfriends: they get too clingy. And Maya is
clingy as fuck.
Once the door swings open, I know it’s Carter and turn to face her
over my shoulder. She has her eyes wide as she looks at me, then tilts her
head, questioning why I’m here. I can feel my face light up in amusement
and she smiles back at me, but I notice how pale she is. Her eyes bright
contrasted worryingly against her white skin. She looks like a white walker
right now.
“You alright? You look really pale.” I ask her as I stand up, and
she nods.
“Yeah, no, I’m not feeling great today. I think I’m going to lay
down for a couple of hours? I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You still feeling sick?” Danielle walks over to her after noticing
how ill she looks. Bobbing her head around, she sets her bag down beside
the TV and starts walking into her room to go to sleep.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m being rude right now, but I just can’t stand
any longer. I don’t feel good at all,” she apologizes before giving us a small
smile with a wave and shutting the door.
“Hey, do you mind keeping an eye on her? She was up all night
getting sick and had a bad fever earlier, so I’m going to run to the grocery
store to pick up some medicine and chicken noodle soup for her. It always
worked for me.” I nod as she gathers her purse and keys while heading
towards the door. “Oh, and make her a hot water bottle too. She lives for
that. She’s always cold.” She smiles and leaves me standing in the living
room with the TV still running in the background.
“I can do one better.” I smile to myself. I walk over to her door
and knock, this time laughing a little at the memory of the last time I barged
in and saw everything. Not that I’m complaining, it was definitely a sight I
wouldn’t mind seeing again.
“Come in,” she says lightly. I twist the handle down to open the
door. I see her pulling blankets on her body as she settles herself in her bed.
“I see you knocked this time,” she teases me as her teeth chatter. I walk
over to set myself beside her, smiling at the fact she’s in a teasing mood
despite the fact that she’s sick. I rest my hand on her forehead and feel her
skin burn up.
 “Jesus, Carter, you’re really hot.” I widen my eyes at my choice
of words before she lies down and giggles at me. I lean my head back at
how much she makes me say the stupidest things. I would have said that to
plenty of girls before I met her, but with her it’s so different. I can’t explain
it. “I meant you have a fever . . . I mean . . . well, you are . . . never mind,” I
stutter out.
I tuck her in and lift myself off the bed to close the door. I take my
shoes and hoodie off. My shirt lifting in the process and giving her an
eyeful of what I’ve got. She’s seen it before, but I don’t mind her seeing it
again. Peeling back a layer of blanket, I slip in beside her and notice that
her body is freezing. This isn’t right. What is happening to her body?
“What are you doing?” she asks so delicately.
“I’m keeping you warm. I can assure you, I’m better than a hot
water bottle.” I wink at her, making her laugh once more. Am I crazy? Yes,
but this is what she does to me.
I’m lying in bed with her. Nothing sexual, just simply lying with
her, and I love it.
Woah, Nick, chill. The “L” word isn’t in your vocabulary unless
directed toward a family member.
She shuffles her body closer to mine. I wrap the both of us up,
guarding her as she shivers next to me. “Thank you,” she whispers to me,
and I pull her tighter to my body, trying to get her to warm up. It’s not long
before I hear her soft breathing next to me, and I involuntarily kiss her hair
and stroke it to soothe her. It’s not long before I drift off to sleep.
I didn’t realize it until I heard a throat being cleared over by the
door. I open my eyes to see Danielle standing there and leaning on the
frame. A smug smile is on her face as I lift my head to see who had caught
me cuddling Carter.
“Cozy?” she teases, and I flop my head back down on the pillow,
groaning now that I’ve been caught by her of all people. She won’t let me
live this down, she’s like the female version of TJ. “You’ve been asleep for
a few hours, she needs something to eat. I have soup ready if you want
some as well?” I nod, thinking that it’s a good idea. I sit up a little and
hover of Carter’s body and notice she’s still very cold but has small beads
of sweat coating her face. I stroke her cheek gently to wake her up.
 “Carter?” I whisper close to her ear but there’s no movement.
“Carter?” I say a little louder and tap her hand, feeling that it’s freezing.
“Carter?” Louder again, and Danielle steps into the room. I’m not getting
any response from her and I’m starting to get worried.
“Carter!” I raise my voice—still no response. I look over at
Danielle, who is frozen by the door. “Carter! Come on, wake up for me . . .”
I shake her a little, then keep shaking her, but she’s not waking up. “Carter,
come on, shit!” I tap her cheek trying to get any movement from her and
I’m not getting anywhere. I’m starting to panic and so is Danielle. My heart
is pumping into overdrive as I’m beginning to internally freak out.
I fish out my phone and call the one person who might be able to
help in this situation. “Get me a cold, damp towel!” I order Danielle but
she’s shocked and is just standing there. “Danielle!” She snaps out of it and
runs to the bathroom. Pressing call, I listen to it ring against my ear.
“Come on, pick up! Pick u—” I rest my head against her boiling
forehead, praying for someone who can help me.
“Hello?”
“Cas! I need your help! Carter is sick and she’s got an fever, but
she’s freezing, and she’s not waking up! What do I do?” You can hear the
panic in my voice.
“Okay, okay! Calm down! Erm, how long has she been like this?”
she asks me, and I rack my brain, thinking how long she’s felt this way.
“Well, she’s been tired for the past week, but it only got really bad
in the past few days.” Danielle rushes back into the room and places the
towel on her forehead, her eyes wide and her body shaking. Danielle has
now lost the color on her face, and it looks like she’s going to collapse any
minute now.
“Okay, Nick, I need you to listen to me. If she’s not waking up,
you need to get an ambulance for her. NOW!” I hang up and dial 911.
“Is she going to be alright, Nick?” Danielle stares at her while she
asks me. Her once confident figure is hunched and shaking uncontrollably
as she stares at her washed out roommate lying next to me.
“I don’t know, Danielle.” I’m shaking as I watch the girl who was
just beside me lay unconscious as her face turns nearly blue.
“Nine one one, what’s your emergency?” That was the last thing I
heard before I zoned out with shock. The next moment, I see a man and a
woman in paramedic uniforms racing into the room and pulling me away
from her. I watch them check her pulse and lay her on her back to check on
her airways. I feel my heart pumping at the sight of her. I run my hands
through my hair out of stress, hoping she’s alright.
“Sir, what’s her name?” the female paramedic asks me.
“Carter Steel . . . Is she going to be alright?” I ask one of the
paramedics, hoping they could answer me.
“We’re not sure, she’s not responding. We need to have her
checked at the hospital.” the male paramedic responds. I nod and see
Danielle on the verge of crying. I rush to comfort her. “Are her parents
nearby?” the male paramedic calmly asks me. I shake my head.
“They’re in New York—”
“I can call them.” Danielle’s voice is shaky and she notices it
toward the end, so she clears her throat. She nods, and they carry her down
the hallway on a stretcher. I put my shoes back on and rush out behind
them.
“What hospital are you bringing her to?” I question and the
female shouts up the crowded stairs to tell me where I need to go. I rush
back to the room and grab Danielle’s hand, pulling her down the stairs and
through the crowd, who are whispering and gossiping about what just
happened. I rush out of the dorm building, and see the blue and red lights
attract our attention. I then see TJ jogging over to me.
“Yo! Who’s the ambulance for?” he asks nonchalantly but I’m
about to give him a wake up call.
“Carter, she didn’t wake up,” I respond quickly.
“What? Fuck! Are you serious?” he replies in shock.
“I’m hardly fucking joking, TJ!” I boom back at him and he
flinches at my sudden outburst. I make my way to my car with Danielle.
The anxiety is getting to me. Not knowing if she’s going to be okay is
freaking me out. Everything is happening too fast right now and I’m
processing none of it. The look on her face when she was just lying in bed
tore me in half.
I can’t lose her.
“Nick,” Danielle whispers beside me and rests her hand on my
arm and I face TJ who looks worried too.
 “I’m sorry. I-I’m just worried, TJ. I need to see if she’s okay. You
didn’t see how she looked . . .Listen, you get Haley and meet us at Baptist
Memorial North!” He nods and pats my shoulder before jogging away. I
watch his figure leave and see Maya standing there with shocked look on
her face in the crowd that has gathered outside. I don’t have time for her, I
need to see if Carter is alright. “Hop in,” I order Danielle, who is still in a
daze. “Do you have her parents’ number? I can call them if you want?” She
nods and scrolls through her phone, looking for a number. She calls it and I
take her phone and hold it with one hand. I put it on speaker. If I’m caught
doing this by the cops, I’m so screwed.
“Hello, Elaine Steel speaking,” her mom answers and I sigh in
relief that she didn’t give me Carter’s father’s number.
“Hi, Mrs. Steel? It’s Nick and Danielle here!” I begin.
“Oh, hi there! How are you both?” Her sweet voice soothes me,
just like Carter’s. I have to tell her now. I hate to break her heart, but she
needs to know what just happened.
“Um, well, see, I’m calling you because Carter has been rushed to
hospital right now—”
“Oh my God! What happened? Is she alright?” I can hear her
fumbling around in the background down the line.
“We tried to wake her up because she wasn’t feeling well, but she
wouldn’t wake up so I had to call an ambulance. She’s on her way to
Baptist Memorial now!” I can hear the sniffles and panic set in.
“Oh no, my poor baby . . .” I can hear her start to cry. I feel bad
that she’s so far away from her daughter. I know if it was Haley or me in a
similar situation, my mom would also be panicking. “I’m booking a flight. I
should be there by morning! I’ve got to call her brothers and her dad!”
“I will call you if there’s any update on her, but I doubt they’d tell
us since we’re not part of her family . . . but you can call the hospital
yourself if you can. We’re on our way now to keep her company if she
wakes up. I’ll look after her, Mrs. Steel,” I promise her. I’ll be there for her
daughter until and after she arrives at the hospital.
“Alright, thank you both for calling me! I’ve got to go and tell the
others! Text me updates if you find out anything! Please look after my
baby!” She hangs up before I could reply. She’s means a lot to me; a lot
more than she thinks.
 I speed down the street, heading to the hospital. I’m not sure how
long it took us, but we’ve arrived and I park up in the nearest spot. Both of
us hop out of the car and make a break for the hospital entrance. Seeing the
reception, I run over and breathlessly say, “Carter Steel, she should’ve been
brought in a few moments ago?” The young woman looks at me in a daze.
Her smile comes out and she starts to compliment me.
“Listen here, lady, my friend is seriously sick, and we need to
know where the fuck she is. Now, are you going to tell us and stop flirting
with him or do I have to ask someone else for help?” Danielle barks at her
and the receptionist glares at her. But if she wasn’t going to say it, I was. I
need to find Carter.
“Second floor, room 256.” We both nod and power walk to the
elevators. One is immediately ready with people getting on. Danielle
presses the button and we wait in silence. I’m getting impatient. As soon as
the doors part, we run down the hall and toward her room. As soon as we
get close to it, nurses and doctors are flying in and out of her room, with
beeps coming out of the doorway.
“Are you with Miss Steel?” We nod at the nurse holding the
clipboard. “You need to wait out here,” she orders us and then walks back
in.
Once another nurse comes out, I stop her and ask, “How is she? Is
she alright?” I ramble off quickly to get something. The sympathy in her
eyes tells me it’s not something I’m going to want to see or hear.
“Not great, I’m afraid. Hang in there.” she runs back to the
nurses’ station to pick up something and walks back inside, shutting the
door. I see drips going in, one after the other, and I start to panic. I feel my
breathing get uncontrollable at the thought of something bad happening to
her. She can’t leave me, she just can’t. She’s too young for this to be
happening. She’s got a lot more to give in her life, I know it.
We stay in the waiting area near her door. I’m pacing the floor,
back and forth, back and forth. That’s when I see Haley and TJ run towards
us. Once Haley reaches me, she engulfs me in a hug and immediately
breaks down. “She’s going to be alright, isn’t she Nick?” she asks me, and I
bite my lip, unsure of what’s going to happen. I’m on edge, and I need to
know what’s going on with her. I pull away from her and walk to the
nearest doctor but get told to talk to a nurse about her.
 “Please, I need someone to tell me what’s going on with Carter
Steel. Her mom asked me to keep her updated as she gets here.” The brown
haired nurse looks taken back by my scorned tone. I’m upset, I need
something from them; anything.
“Are you family?” she asks me and I stupidly said no. “Then I
can’t divulge that kind of information. It’s confidential. I’m sorry.”
“FUCK THIS!” I yell out loudly. I’m about to punch something if
I don’t get anything.
“I’m sorry, sir, but if you don’t calm down I’m going to have to
call security.” I glare at her and take a seat next to Haley, who is shaken
right now. I can’t comfort anyone, I’ve got too much going on in my head.
I’m swimming in my thoughts, borderline drowning. Nurse after nurse, I
see them going to her room less frequently. I then notice her being wheeled
out in a gurney.
“Excuse me, where is she going?” I ask the nurse, who spins
around. Her hair is tied back in a messy bun and she has heavy bags under
her eyes.
“She’s being moved to a private room. Her parents called and
asked us to move her to a specialized room. She’ll be in room 708.” I thank
her and watch Carter being wheeled away from me. She looks better, but
looks can be deceiving. She has a lot of drips surrounding her, but not all
are connected to her. The beeping heart monitor lets me to know that’s she’s
alive. The thought of losing her has my heart sinking.
“Oh my God!” Haley gasps beside me. It looks bad. Carter has
tubes connected to her arm and a breathing mask to help her.
We all trek up to the seventh floor and see that it’s fancy and
plush, with leather sofas instead of the wooden chairs down on the second
floor. One doctor goes into her room, and we all stand outside the door,
watching him to see if we can make any sense of what’s going on.
This floor is less hectic and more relaxed. It’s sort of
psychologically calming me down. I’m not as worried as I was downstairs.
Hours later, the doctor and nurse finally come out to greet us. He smiles at
us and keeps walking, but I have enough balls to stop him and ask for any
information.
“Is she alright?” I beg him for something, anything to ease my
mind.
 “I’m sorry, it’s confidential.” He writes something down on a
clipboard.
“Please, I need to know if she’s alright. I can’t tell her parents
nothing. They need to know—” He folds a piece of paper over and then
hands it to me. I smile at his subtlety and read the note.

She has a virus and her body has collapsed. She’s

currently taking antiviral medication and fluids through the drips at
the moment.

I ask Danielle for her phone back and immediately start to type it
out to her mom to ease her own mind after saving Carter’s mom’s number
in mine.
“What does it say?” Danielle asks me, clasping her hands in front
of her, almost praying that it’s good news. I’m not sure if what I’ve been
given is good or bad.
“He says that she has a virus that made her body give in and stop
working, so they put her on antiviral meds to see if it will help.” I hug her
because she saw all of this and rub her back to try to soothe her overactive
mind. She was so scared when she was just lying there. I was terrified when
she wouldn’t wake up, but she was about to collapse herself.
“She’ll be alright though, right?” Haley asks me through TJ’s
arms that’s surrounding her. I can see my sister visibly shaking. I shrug
since I don’t know how to answer her, but I feel my mind starting to wander
and think of the worst. I don’t know what I would do if they told me she
wouldn’t be alright. Maybe I caused her body to overheat?
“Nick, man, what happened?” I notice that TJ and I are alone now.
I sigh and replay the moments in my head.
“I-I . . . She . . .” I run my hands through my hair haphazardly. “I
fell asleep with her to warm her up and Danielle came in to wake us up
because she made her soup. The next thing I know, she’s not waking up and
I’m calling Cas for help. Then I called an ambulance and now I’m here . . .
hoping she’s alright. TJ, what if she’s not alright?” I look to my best friend
for help that I know he can’t give me. I want answers, and he can’t give me
that either.
 “She’ll be alright, Nick, the doctors are taking care of her. She’s a
Steel, for crying out loud, they’ll be bending over backwards for her father.
Just be there for her when she wakes up, alright?” I nod, knowing he’s right.
I’m sure her dad has called in a few favors for the sake of her health. He’ll
do anything for her. I know I’d do that if I was in his position.
All of us are sitting in the waiting area hours later, waiting
patiently for any word from the doctors or nurses. I hear a woman crying as
she runs towards the nurses’ station. A familiar cry too.
“Where is she? Where is my baby?” Then three sets of hard
footsteps follow behind her. “Carter Steel! NOW!” she booms, panicking at
the young girl, and I make my way over to Austin Steel because he’s the
nearest to me. I put my hand on his shoulder and his head whips around.
Once he recognizes me, I point to her room immediately.
“That’s her room there.” The family turns around to face me and
follows my finger. Her mom takes me by surprise when she decides to wrap
me up in a hug. I stumble back a little before getting a stable footing. I tap
her shoulders, unsure of how to approach this. The three men walk over to
the door while Carter’s mom has streams of tears down her cheeks.
“Thank you so much, Nick! Thank you for looking after her. It
means the world to me!” Her shaky smile makes me want to return it while
she’s cupping her hands around my face.
“I’ll always look after her, Mrs. Steel. Always,” I assure her, and
she has a glint in her eye that reminds me of Carter. They look so alike, and
the more I look at her, the more I see similarities. She leaves us out here. TJ
walks over to me and wraps an arm around my neck.
“Don’t tell me you’re starting to have a thing for Mrs. Steel
now?” The smirk is evident in his tone, and I try not to laugh at him trying
to take my mind off everything.
“You’re such an idiot, TJ.” I punch him on his chest, making him
wince a little.
“You’re right, you only have your eye on one Steel.” He winks,
and we walk back to the girls who are still sitting in a daze. I smack him on
the back of his head. Both Danielle and Haley are staring at the wall
opposite to them.
“Why don’t you take these two down for food? I’ll stay here in
case her parents come out with an update.” TJ nods and coaxes the two girls
to their feet. Danielle protests for a while, unsure of whether to leave Carter
alone, but I remind her that Carter’s with her family. Once she understands
that, she leaves hesitantly. And once they’re out of sight, I slump down on
the sofa once more, racking through my brain. This is so hard. Waiting for
something—preferably good news—is so hard.
The clock ticks above the vending machine that had a buzz
humming in the silence. The lights were bright, and I look around to see
that this hospital is spotless. Hearing the door open behind me, I swivel
around to see her dad. I stand up to my feet and greet him. When he walks
over to me with purpose evident in his step, I suddenly feel nervous.
“I need you to tell me what happened.” He slides into the space
next to me, and I sit with him and notice the Steel family coming out and
joining us.
Fuck. I’m so fucked.
“Nick, come on, stay with me. I need you to fill us in on what
happened.” Rodger taps my cheek, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“I . . . um . . . Well, Carter came home from classes, and me and
Danielle noticed that she was a little paler than usual. She’s been saying that
she’s been exhausted the past week. Nobody thought it was anything
serious because she treated it as if it was nothing.” Hearing a sigh leave his
mouth, I carry on, knowing I’m about to get a beating from her father and
two brothers. “Then she said she wanted to lie down, and Danielle went out
to get her soup and medicine . . . and . . . and I . . .” I run my hands through
my hair, uncomfortable with what I’m about to say. I need to prepare for
impact.
“And what? Come on, talk to me, boy! I need to know what
happened!” He winds his finger around to get me to keep going, but I bite
my lip and look to Mrs. Steel for help. All she sends me is a curious look.
“I went into her room . . . and I layed with her to keep her warm.
She was freezing cold, and I knew I shouldn’t have, but I did . . .” The tense
faces tell me that he and her brothers aren’t happy. “I know. I should’ve
asked you first but I just didn’t think that time. I just . . . I’m sorry . . .” I see
her mom sweetly smile at me, telling me it’s alright. She leans forward to
rest her hand on my own, which are shaking. I’m fucking terrified right
now.
 “Continue.” Her dad’s words makes my eyes dart back to him.
He’s gone all papa bear on me right now, and I’m ten seconds away from
getting a punch to the face. I can feel it. I know I still have the bruises on
my face from Ryan too, which only adds to the embarassment.
“I fell asleep with her, and Danielle woke us up to get her to eat
something. I agreed with her and I tried to wake her up. I kept calling her
name but she wasn’t answering me. Then I called my friend who is taking
up nursing in college and she advised me to get an ambulance because she
wasn’t responding. So I called them, and they got to her quickly and took
her away in the back of an ambulance and to this hospital. I followed her
and called your wife to tell her about what had happened to Carter.” I turn
to her mom and continue the story, “I know I told you I’d keep you updated,
but they didn’t give me anything other than that message I sent you . . .”
“It’s alright sweetie, I appreciate you for trying.” She smiles at me
and I replicate her.
“And why were the nurses threatening to call security?” Rodger
continues, and I immediately blush from the memory. How’d he find out
about that?
“I wasn’t getting answers, just doctors and nurses walking in and
out of her room, and I was getting frustrated that I couldn’t keep you in the
loop. It was wrong of me, I just snapped and couldn’t control it.” I sigh,
leaning forward on my legs and running my hands through my hair for the
millionth time tonight. I’m pretty sure I look like a mess right now, but I
couldn’t give two fucks. “I’m sorry,” I apologize once more and bow my
head to lessen the beating I’m about to get. I’ll take it if it means I can see
her or know she’s alright. “Is she alright?” I ask while still looking at the
floor.
“She’s stable. She has strong antibiotics at the moment. She
caught a virus that got worse as the week went on, that’s why she was
feeling so tired. She has to stay here for a while, but the doctors said that
she’s responding to them. She’s always had the worst immune system of us,
but she’s fighting it like the daughter I raised. You don’t need to worry
about her, Nick. That’s our job.” Mrs. Steel laughs a little, lightening the
atmosphere. I still don’t have the courage to look up and face her, but the
amount of worry that I have in me is considerably less.
 “Can I talk with you alone?” I wasn’t sure who that question was
for until I look up and see her dad staring at me. I nod and he walks away
from the rest of the family. I follow behind him, wondering about what he
wants to talk about. Once we’re away from everyone, I start to feel my
nerves acting up again. “Look, kid, I know you’re a great player, both on
and off the field.” I sigh at what he’s implying. “I don’t want my girl hurt
because you can’t keep it in your pants. You following?” I nod and look
down at the floor again. “Look, I like you, Nick, but I don’t want her hurt;
not again. It’s twice that I’ve had to pick up the pieces from those guys
using her to get to me. I know there’s something there between you two. I
know you like my daughter, and I know she likes you. I can see it with my
own eyes, I’m not blind. So you hurt her, I hurt you. Got it? My boys have
nothing on me, I can assure you.” I understand what he’s trying to say
clearly.
“I understand, Mr. Steel. I know I have a track record in college;
I’m by no means proud of it. I respect your daughter, and I do like her—
very much, but I don’t want her or you thinking I’m using her to get ahead
in the NFL. If I’m good enough, I’ll make it on my own,” I reply.
“She’s my baby girl, Nick, don’t hurt her, or you’ll be tasting your
own shit for the rest of your life.” I widen my eyes at the threat he just
made. I do not want to mess with him, or any of the Steels for that matter.
“You think I’m scary? Piss off my wife and you’ll know all about it.” He
pats my shoulder and walks past me, leaving me standing there alone with
my own thoughts.
Fuck me, I better tread carefully with this girl. I don’t know what
I want from her though. That’s the hard part.
What do I want with her? Do I want more than just hanging out
and kissing her? The thought doesn’t scare me. I definitely want more from
her, but what type of more? Not just me, her, and the bed. A little more, but
how much more?
What the fuck are you looking for, Nick?
I bang my head lightly against the wall and decide to make my
way back over to the sofa where they still are. Her mom sends me a large
grin then faces her husband to nudge his shoulder. He kisses her cheek and
she whispers something to him, making him nod and smile. Her brothers
are smirking at me, and I raise an eyebrow at them, then we hear voices
come back.
Haley, of course, squeals at the sight of Austin again and runs to
sit next to him. TJ rolls his eyes at her antics. Haley smiles at Austin and he
sends one back to her. Once I see the doctor walk into her room, I notify her
parents who get up immediately. Danielle stands shocked still by the
vending machine. Chris stands up and walks her over to the sofa, telling her
to sit down. He crouches down in front of her, telling her to take some sips
of her soda she had bought. He’s smiling at her, and I watch how they
interact with each other. TJ glares at Austin beside Haley while he’s eating
some chips.
What the hell is happening?
This is so weird to watch.
It’s probably just people comforting each other, which I’m not
used to seeing. Yeah, that’s probably it.
“Why the fuck are you nodding?” TJ laughs at me. I shake my
head, trying to stop my brain from thinking. It needs to stop.
“Nothing.” I lean my head back, resting it on the back of the sofa
and slump down.
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not,” TJ mumbles into his
open bag of chips as he munches on them with no mercy, stuffing handfuls
of them into his fat mouth. I stare at him in awe that he’s able to fit that
much food in. It’s not the first time I’ve seen him eat like this, but every
time he does, it still stuns me. “What?” he asks innocently as he continues
to chew what’s in his mouth.
Shaking my head again, I lean back to close my eyes for a while,
not realizing I had drifted off.
“Nick, Nick!” I feel someone shake me out of the wonderful
dream I was having. I open my crusted eyes to see Carter’s mom sitting
next to me with a blanket in her hands. I rub my eyes so I can see past the
blurriness in them and adjust to the bright lights even though it’s still dark
out.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I fell asleep.” I let out a large yawn to
her while covering my hand over my mouth.
“It’s fine, maybe you should all go home. You all look tired. I’ll
be here for the night with Rodger. I’ll message you all if I hear anything
more, but the doctors said that she’ll be alright. A day later, and it would’ve
been too late. You saved her, Nick. I can’t thank you enough for saving my
baby girl! She wouldn’t have made it if you waited any longer!” Her tears
drips down her cheeks, and I bite my lip, feeling awkward in this situation. I
never know how to comfort a girl when she’s upset and crying. I usually
just hug them so I don’t have to see how upset they are. It usually works,
but it’d be weird if I did that to the mother of the girl I like. Wouldn’t it?
“No, Mrs. Steel, I didn’t sa—”
“You did, Nick. If it weren’t for you and Danielle she . . . I can’t
think about that because she’s still here, with me. She’s still here because of
you. Thank you so so much.” She stands up and squeezes my hand—a tight
warm squeeze. It reminds me of my mom. “Oh, and I know my husband
talked to you. You don’t need to worry about me, I know he threatened you
with that one. I can go all mama bear on her like I do with my boys, but I
think I you’re different.”
She winks at me and turns around again only to face a bored
looking TJ. She can only talk to me because the other two are still asleep;
Haley sleeping on TJ and Danielle sleeping on Chris, who is also asleep.
“You guys need to get some sleep! Come back when your classes are
finished tomorrow. You’re welcome anytime, even outside of visiting
hours!” She bounces her hip off the door, going back into Carter’s room. I
watch the door voluntarily shut behind her.
“She’s right, we should take them back and get some rest,” TJ
agrees out loud, and we both stand up. I walk over to tap Danielle awake
and she opens her eyes and begins to panic again.
“Is she alright? What happened? What’s going on? W—”
“It’s alright, she’s good. We’re just going to bring you home so
you can get some rest. Mrs. Steel said we can come back tomorrow after
classes to see her. We can’t stay here all night, Danielle. You look really
tired.” She nods without arguing with me on it. She’s exhausted; we all are.
After all the emotions that were swimming around after the scare we had,
it’s taken its toll on us. The effects are visible on our faces.
I tap on Austin to say goodbye to him and ask him to keep me
updated on his sister to which he nods tiredly at me in response. I need to
know she’ll be alright if I want to get any rest for the week. I’ll be up all
night if I don’t get anything. It seems like he knows this, because he sends
me a small smile communicating something I don’t understand. I don’t ask,
I just walk away and leave it.
Once we reach the cars, Haley sits with me while Danielle goes
with TJ. Sighing for the nth time tonight, I stare mindlessly out my window,
wondering if sleeping beauty will be alright. I’m emotionally and physically
exhausted from it all. Starting the engine up and strapping myself in, my
lights beam in the underground car park surrounding us.
What a day.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I Just Did What I Had To Do To Not Lose
You

Nick
Tap. Tap. Tap.
That’s the sound my foot is making as it bounces up and down.
I’m trying my best to get out of this lecture as quick as possible. The
minutes drag on as I stare at the clock, the arm moving in slow motion as I
glance back at it. It feels like hours went past me but only a single minute
drifted by. My leg continues bouncing until Reggie’s hand smacks my
thigh.
“Quit it, Jackson.” He grips my upper leg, but I’m still waiting for
the clock to signal this torture to be all over.
A bubble gum pops, and I look over to see that girl who I spoke to
briefly on the first day. Well, more like she spoke to me. Winking at me and
trailing her tongue seductively along her bottom lip to gather her bubble
gum, I turn my head back to the lecture that I haven’t been paying any
attention to. Classy, is my first thought. Carter wouldn’t do that with a
random guy, is the second one. I lean forward on my elbows, wanting this
shitty lecture to be over and done with.
Come on. Come on.
Fifteen minutes. Three blocks of five minutes each. Or five blocks
of three minutes each. I’ll go with the latter, it’s easier to think about.
It’s been three days since Carter was rushed to hospital, and I
haven’t spoken to her since then. Mainly due to the fact she’s asleep every
time I come visit her. I want to see her awake and talk to her.
I got a text from her mom this morning that says Carter’s awake,
right before my last class of the day. That is why I’m like this. I’m itching
to see her, in case you can’t already tell. My nerves are heightened, and I’m
so excited to hear her voice. The past three days of not being able to talk to
her have been hell. I miss her voice. I miss her.
She’s been knocked out heavily on the antibiotics she’s been
given so she can fight off the viral infection. Even though exams are
nearing, Carter needs all the rest she can get. I’ll help her out because I
know she wants to do well. Haley has been talking to her professors about
the situation and they all agreed to give her extended deadlines in order for
her to complete her assignments. They even offered to give her alternative
assignments instead of the exams she’s missed to make up her percentage.
I’m sure she’ll gladly take them, seeing as she’s the only person who
missed them, and the professors have been very understanding about it all.
Ten minutes. Two sets of five minutes or five sets of two minutes.
For four sets of two minutes and thirty seconds.
Her mom has been keeping us all in the loop of what the doctors
have been telling her and the rest of the family. I’m so happy she’s willing
to share with me about Carter’s health. I’ve visited her everyday for the past
three days while she was in there. All those times, she was still knocked out
cold. I watched her sleep and it was the best thing in the world.
The little noises she made as she stirred in her sleep; the small
smiles that would be painted on her face at the dream she was having. And
while she was away in dream land, I’ve barely slept for the past few nights,
wishing I could join her.
My games have been affected greatly, and Coach is about to put
his foot up my ass if I don’t get it together. Everything is off; my passes, my
play. I can’t remember any of what I learned in practice and I’m slipping up
badly. Bulldog has been on my case for the past few days about it. He even
went as far as telling me to leave the field for a day. I was so pissed off and
the guys were not happy with me. Not one bit.
Five minutes. Five single minutes or two, two and a half minutes
until I can leave. Happily.
Ryan has been on my case too, annoying the absolute fuck out of
me; shouldering me any chance he gets, challenging me whenever I’m
around. He keeps telling me that he’ll win her, but he won’t. He’ll never
win her—never. She’s not a game, and I keep reminding him of that. But all
it does is go in one ear and out the other. Man, is he dense.
 The house has gotten worse because I’m on edge, my games have
been off, and the fact that I can’t stand living with Ryan twenty four seven.
He’s immature with his comments. One day, he dropped something and
said, “Clean it up, bitch.” I cracked when the whole thing with Carter
happened and nailed a punch right on his nose, making it look crooked and
gushing with blood. I was quite happy with myself. That little fuck deserves
everything I give him for talking to me like that.
Majority of the guys are on my side except for Rob, for obvious
reasons. He may be standing by his brother, but I know he doesn’t agree
with what he’s saying. I can see it in his stare when I give Ryan a piece of
my mind. The “I’m sorry, but he’s my brother” look he sports every time
his twin opens his mouth. I understand why he’s backing him up. If I were
him, I would do the same.
But I need to have a talk with Rob about his twin’s attitude. It’s
bringing the entire house down. A lot of negativity is charged in the air. All
of the boys are on edge, waiting for the next round to happen between us.
So far, I’m ahead by a long shot.
Pop. Again, I look over to the culprit even though I know she’s
trying to get my attention. She and her friends smirk seductively at me
while she slowly chews her piece of gum in a provocative manner. It’s been
weeks since I’ve had sex, and it’s driving me crazy. Relieving myself isn’t
cutting it anymore, and I need a release. A female touch—a certain
female’s touch. Every time I think about that, I grow in length. It’s getting
harder as the days pass, pun not intended.
“Alright, kids, your assignments are due on Friday at 5 PM sharp.
No late hand ups or I will penalize you! Have a good day!” As those sweet
words leave the professor’s mouth, I grab my stuff with my hands. I didn’t
bring a bag today, I only had two lectures so there wasn’t any need for it. I
race down the steps but the same girl steps out in front of me, pushing her
ass against me. I don’t even remember her name. And I’m also not
interested.
“Oh, sorry, Nick,” she says flirtatiously over her shoulder, sliding
her handbag along the desk as she winks at me. I move around her quickly,
not giving her the time of day. I need to see Carter. I push past the people
exiting through the same door, maneuvering through bodies much smaller
than me. As soon as I reach the hallway I practically sprint down, bumping
into a few people. I apologize to them and keep going until I see the door
flutter open and close with people forcing it to move.
I suddenly get yanked back by my jacket. I growl at who the fuck
is stopping me.
Maya.
I must have done something horrible in my past life to deserve
Maya constantly being on my case. She’s not taking any hints, along with
the other girls who constantly stare at me. I must have a sign saying “Guy
with a large dick in his pants” strapped to my forehead with all of these
looks I’m getting—the “come fuck me” hooded eyes I get as I pass every
single girl on campus.
I know I’m good looking. I’ve been approached many times by
scouts from modelling agencies. But I also turn them down. When I say I, I
mean my mom. She always says no, even though it’s pretty easy money.
“What is it, Maya? I have somewhere else to be!” I pull myself
off her so she lets go of me. She rolls her eyes at my clipped tone, but do
you think I care? Here’s a hint: No!
“Come over later. I haven’t seen you in a while.” She smiles
sweetly at me, but I know it’s a ploy to get me to have sex with her. I can
see right through her. She misses me and my little buddy. I don’t blame her.
I’m good; screaming good.
“No, I don’t have the time, Maya.” Moving away from her, she
races after me with her heels that are unnecessarily high in the old hallway.
The clicks I’m hearing catch up with me. Why is she even in here? She’s a
history major, not a science major. Maybe she’s that desperate to see me?
“Well, make time, Jackson! It’s been nearly two goddamn
weeks!” she quietly yells, looking around at the crowd forming around us,
parting as I walk to the exit. I ignore her pleading and keep walking, not
caring about how horny she is. She can go and fuck Ryan for all I care,
seeing as they’re so compatible with one another..
“Nick!” Maya yells at me in frustration. I swivel around to face
her, leaning on the door. All eyes are on her, and people are still carrying on
with conversations, but I know they’re listening. Some people don’t know
the word subtlety at all.
“What?” I roll my head upwards, tired of all of this. She’s being
so dramatic, and I don’t have time for this crap.
 “Come by later, I’ll—”
“No.” I back out the door. I can see her face practically turn red.
Fury is an understatement compared to the look on her face. I run back to
the house to see if TJ went to his class or not. Seeing that he’s not in his
room, I grab my wallet and keys and pace to the door, ignoring the taunts
from Ryan.
“You know Ryan, for a guy who’s been beaten up by me many
times, you’re pretty stupid for trying to keep this up. Next time, I won’t
hold back and put you in a bed in the hospital, breathing through a tube
with the help of a fucking MACHINE!” I threaten him.
“Yeah, well, at least I’ll be nearer to Carter than you, you
asshole!” he responds.
I slam the door shut to make a statement to him to shut his mouth.
I slip into my car to make the journey to see Carter. Haley is in class, and
Danielle is too. Both of them will get TJ to drive them to the hospital later.
I park up in the car park after driving around for fifteen minutes
trying to find a spot. I was getting frustrated because all I wanted was to see
her, hear her. I miss her more than I wanted to admit, even to myself.
I unbuckle myself from my seat and step out into mild heat. After
locking the car, I make my way to the elevator. Waiting for it to ding, the up
triangle lights up as the steel doors part. I press the button for the lobby
floor so I can get her flowers like I’ve done everyday. Once I reach the
floor, I hurry over to the store to pick out colorful flowers and a protein bar.
After the rigorous workout I did this morning, I need a lot of recovery for
my muscles.
I place the items on the checkout table and the young cashier
smiles at me. “Hi there.” She chews her gum and shows off her white teeth.
“Hi.” I grunt bluntly at her. Not to be rude, but I’m not interested
in having a conversation with her right now. She goes red on her cheeks as
she smiles, scanning the products on the counter.
“You visiting someone? I’ve seen you come in everyday this
week.” She continues to not take the hint and flirt with me. I lick my lips,
trying to hurry up.
“Yeah.” I keep it short and sweet.
“Well, you’re so sweet for buying flowers.” She bats her lashes at
me and I send her one of my tight smiles. Oh my God, hurry up.
 “I’m sorry, not to be rude, but I’m kind of in a rush.” I hand her
my card so she can swipe it so I can get a move on. Carter might fall back
to sleep. She nods, slightly taken back by my blunt tone. She hands me my
receipt with her number scrawled on the back of it.
As soon as I leave the store, I rip it up and throw it in the trash,
making my way to the elevators. No hope for me taking the stairs to the
seventh floor. Once the doors part for me, there’s a group of girls in the
elevator. One of them is in a wheelchair and a cast. The friends around her
stand up when they see me, and I try not to roll my eyes.
Every time I’m out of the house, I get hit on. I didn’t mind it at
first but now I don’t even bother. There’s only one girl I want. She’s lying
in a bed upstairs, awake, and all I want to do is to hug and kiss her.
I stand to the side of the steel cage and press the button for the
seventh floor. Flowers in hand, I slip my protein bar into my pocket along
with my wallet. Not looking at any of them, I hear a whisper across from
me that makes me look up. I catch one of the girl’s eyes as she looks away
immediately. Looking around, I see each of them look away when I make
any eye contact with them.
“Who are the flowers for?” the girl in the wheelchair asks me. I
smile at the bunch in my hand and hope that she’s awake. The doors open to
my floor, and I step off and reply with, “A very special girl.”
Seeing their faces drop a little gives me so much satisfaction.
They were secretly hoping I’d say my mom, sister, or grandmother. But no,
they’re for a different girl who has forcefully planted herself in my life and
is staying right there.
I hear my own footsteps echo down the hallways until I reach her
room. Austin is sitting on the chair, slouching and just staring out the
window. I knock to get his attention and he waves me in. I open the door
and trudge in to see Carter’s eyes open and stare at me. A smile breaks out
on her face, and I feel my own grin forming at the sight of her. She still
looks drained, but much better than when she first came to the hospital.
“Hey!” She grins like a kid on Christmas Day.
“Hey! These are for you.” I hold the flowers out and she reaches
out for them.
“Thank you, Nick, they’re beautiful, and so were the others you
brought me. Thank you!” As she smells them, she shuts her eyes to savor it.
My mom always told me to bring flowers to someone in the hospital. It
reminds them of being outside.
“You’re welcome. I didn’t know what your favorite flowers are
though. Sorry.” I shrug as she rests them on her lap.
“I love white roses the most. Any colored rose, actually, but white
is my favourite. Oh, but these are so pretty!” She sniffs them again, and her
mom stands up to put them in a vase beside the window.
“Do you mind if we go out for something to eat?” her mom asks
as she rests a soft hand on my shoulder. I nod, telling them that I’ll keep her
company. Her dad and Austin stand up. Chris isn’t in the room; he must
have gone out for a walk.
“I’ll watch over her.” I smile to her mother and she nods, taking
her jacket and bending over to kiss her daughter’s head. Both of the guys do
the same. I watch them leave the room, the click of the door soon following
after. “How are you feeling now?” I ask Carter.
“Better. I’m still tired, and I still feel sick sometimes, but it’s not
as bad as the first day I came here.” She grins back at me. Her pale
complexion takes me back to that day, when I couldn’t wake her up.
“You scared me,” I whisper to her as I sigh at the memory. She
takes my hand in hers, drips going in via tubing. It’s cold, and I feel my
stomach drop at the mere sight of all the needles piercing her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, Nick. But if it wasn’t for you, I
would be so much worse. Thank you for helping me. My doctor told me the
extent of what happened and that you got me here just in time. I owe you so
much, Nick.” Her eyes begin to water, and I feel my heart clench at the
sight of her being upset.
“I just did what I had to do to not lose you.” I shut my eyes and
lean my forehead on hers, still feeling that fever she has.
“I didn’t mean to scare you and everyone. All I remember is you
holding me then it going black. The next thing I knew, I woke up here with
my dad holding my hand.” Her voice starts to shake. I feel heavy when I
hear that everything went dark for her, her body giving in and not being
able to fight off the silent infection. “I tried to stay awake to see you all
yesterday, but I didn’t even realize I fell asleep.” She chuckles, and I feel
her breath on my lips, making my eyes open again. My thumb brushes her
cheek back and forth. I take the side of her face in my palm. I kiss her
cheek, letting my lips linger on her skin.
“You just focus on getting better and coming back to college.
Don’t worry about not being able to stay awake to see us. We want you
healthy, all of us,” I mumble on her cheek. I kiss the side of her head and
embrace her. I hug her tight while she does the same back. “I missed you,” I
speak truthfully.
“I missed you too,” she replies back. I bury my nose in the crook
of her neck, wanting to feel her again. I’ve never missed someone so much
in my life, even if it’s only been four days. It felt much longer than that. I
kiss her neck feeling the goosebumps rise on her skin. “Thank you for
coming to visit me everyday, even if I was knocked out and drugged up
most of the time.” We laugh at how true that was.
“You’re cute when you sleep though. That’s the only reason why I
came today, but you’re awake now so you ruined my entertainment,” I joke,
making her laugh even more. I feel her body shake as she giggles
uncontrollably, and I smile while listening to her. Pulling away from each
other, I kiss her forehead for the first time in a while.
“My bad,” Carter says sarcastically. I can practically feel her eyes
roll upwards. Kissing her once more, I step back a little and smile down at
her. She’s so cute right now. She’s cute all the damn time, and it’s not fair.
I reach back to pull the chair closer to her bed and sit down,
allowing the cushion to deflate beneath me. Scooting closer, I reach for her
hand and hold it in my own, intertwining our fingers.
“You look much better now. You don’t look as pale,” I comment
and she nods in agreement.
“I don’t know what I looked like that day, but my mom told me I
looked like a ghost.” She shakes her head and laughs a little. “I won’t get
out until next week, but you guys can come visit—”
“We have an away game on Sunday against Auburn, so I won’t be
able to see you then. I’ll come in all the other days though.” She rubs her
thumb on my skin in circles as she listens to me. “I’ll get Danielle to bring
the laptop in here so you can watch me play if you want?” She takes a
breath, yawning a little and covering her mouth with her free hand.
“Yeah, I’d like that. I would prefer to be at the game, but it’s the
next best thing.” She slouches down into her sheets and we both get lost as
we stare at each other. I missed those blue hues staring at me. The way the
light hits them makes them brighter than ever. The way they flicker back
and forth between my own. I miss her voice, her touch. I miss her, plain and
simple. “What’s on your mind?” she asks me.
“What’s been on my mind since the first party of the year,” I
answer her. Yeah, I’m cryptic but I like to keep her guessing. I know I’ll be
blunt after she wonders what the hell I’m talking about. I just want to spend
some time with her, alone. I want to be around her all the time. She’s
increased my need for her every time I see her.
“And what’s that?” She tilts her head like one of those cute
puppies you see in a kennel, and a lock of hair falls down the side of her
face. My hand twitches at the need to tuck it back into place; to give me
another reason to touch her. But I refrain from doing so, photographing in
my mind what she looks like. A true beauty.
“You.” I smirk as her eyes widen in shock. Yeah, that’s right. You,
Carter Steel, have been in my mind since the day I met you.
The door opens up, interrupting our little conversation. Her eyes
smile at the people coming back in. I see her mom with some food in her
hand, and her eyes drop to our hands clasped together. Smiling at me, she
sits down on the other side of her daughter while the others come in,
playfully tackling each other.
Soon after, TJ, Haley, and Danielle walk in. Danielle freezes at the
sight of her. They didn’t expect her to be awake. Especially Danielle.
She drops what she has in her hands onto the floor and I see her
rush to Carter, practically climbing on the bed to hug her tight as she starts
to silently cry on her shoulder. Carter lets go of my hand to hug her back.
“You scared the shit out of me!” Danielle cries, sitting back then embracing
her once more. Haley runs over to join in on the hug, making it a group hug.
TJ stands behind them and smiles at the three of them.
Once they’re finished, TJ hugs her too, and the girls start to fill
her in on the gossip around college. I stand up to allow Carter’s dad to sit
next to his daughter while I sit on the window sill with the flowers I bought
for her. All in a row, they’re standing like soldiers.
Her mom’s eyes light up as she listens to the girls talk about
what’s been happening in the campus; mainly guys. Rolling my eyes with
TJ, I hear her dad laugh at us. Haley is so animated, and Danielle has
snuggled into the bed beside Carter.
Danielle excitedly says, “Yeah, but like, Marcus isn’t all that!
Like he’s cute and all, but a complete beep-hole! Right?”
She points to my sister, who agrees, replying with, “I know, but
she cheated on him. With Zander—”
“Holy crap! Zander! What the—what a lucky bitch! He’s hot as
fff . . . fudge.” Danielle was about to curse in front of Carter’s parents but
stopped herself before it slipped out. TJ snorts as he stands beside me.
Elaine smirks at her choice of words.
“You can curse, sweetheart, it’s not like I haven’t heard it before.”
She darts her eyes to her sons, who sheepishly grin back. Rodger starts to
chuckle behind his hand when his wife throws a sly dig. “Or when you two
speak about girls . . .” she mumbles, and they both look at each other with
fear written all over their faces. TJ and I are trying to not laugh at them.
“Zander is hot, but I feel bad for Marcus. He really liked Jen. But
the gossip is, she likes to keep her options open, if you know what I mean.”
Haley winks at Danielle, who bursts out laughing beside Carter. She’s
smiling, but I can see she doesn’t as much energy to laugh like the girls.
“Oh, I remember being in college. Do you remember, Rodger?”
Her mom looks up at the ceiling, reminiscing on her younger days.
Probably when she met her husband.
“How could I forget? I met the most beautiful girl in my entire life
in college . . . Stacy Millson.” Next, we see a pillow flying across the room,
and Carter’s older brothers roll around on their chairs, cackling. The low
famous laugh I’ve heard on TV so many times makes an appearance in the
room, coming straight from Rodger Steel himself, in the flesh. I’ll never get
used to seeing this man in real life.
“It’s was not Stacy fucking Millson, and you best forget that damn
girl’s name if you know what’s good for you!” Hearing Elaine Steel cursing
is strange and so unfamiliar. She struck me as the type to condemn cursing.
Rodger walks over to his wife, who is sitting in the chair in a huff.
“I know, baby. It was you—it’s always been you. I can’t imagine
myself with any other person. I don’t want to.” He pecks her lips, and I
watch their kids rolls their eyes and look away. They’ve probably seen this
so often that they’re sick of it.
 “Can you stop!” they say in unison, embarrassed by their parents’
antics. For us, it’s highly amusing. Although if my parents were locking lips
in front of everyone, I would be so embarrassed.
“Now now, kids, no need to be like that. I love you all just as
much as I love your mom.”
“Ew, Dad!” They groan again while their dad starts to bellow a
laugh echoing around the room clearly, only realizing what he was
unintentionally implying makes it hilarious.
“You know it’s not like that, pumpkins! I love your mom like any
guy would love their lady. And I love you all like any other father loves
their own flesh and blood. Especially you, my baby girl.” He leans over to
kiss Carter’s head and she smiles up in awe at her hero. The sparkle in her
eyes makes my heart tingle in a small jealous fashion. I want her to look at
me like that. Her baby blue eyes fixed on her father makes me feel so
incredibly jealous.
“I love you too, Dad,” she mumbles back.
“Favoritism at its finest, Dad.” Chris pretends to cough in his
hand, but he’s clearly joking. The smirk evident on his face as he looks
back at his dad. Chris and Carter look more alike than Austin and him do.
Same dark features and the bright blue eyes, like his sister’s.
Once it was said, Elaine stands up and rushes over to each of her
boys and kisses their faces, smothering her playful motherly love on their
skin. Everyone starts to laugh at their scrunched up faces. There’s nothing
but laughter in this room today.
“I love my boys,” she gushes after each kiss she gives them. I
watch their faces get redder and redder as the seconds go by. I would look
like that if my mom did that in front of everyone, but it seems as though
Chris is a lot redder than Austin for whatever reason. Maybe he just blushes
more? But it doesn’t go unnoticed by their dad, who grins vigorously at
him. Chris huffs and rolls his eyes, burying whatever it is.
Once she stops, they mumble back a “Love you too, Mom” as
they roll their eyes. You can see that they all really look out for each other.
Their parents are typical southern people who claim family is their number
one priority, much like my parents.
TJ and I can’t keep our laughs in and we both get glares from the
two famous, beefy guys sitting across from us, allowing their petite mother
to sit in between them.
“Favoritism at its finest, Mom,” Carter mimicked Chris, who
sticks his tongue out in response to her quick jab. Her dad laughs, nodding
with her.
“Those two have always been mama’s boys.” He nudges his
thumb their way, looking at the girls on the bed.
“Well, ever since she was born, all you did was fawn over her. So
we naturally chose Mom, a.k.a, the better parent.” Rodger gasps playfully,
feigning putting his hand over his heart. Chris wraps his arm around his
mother and Austin follows after him. Both guys kiss their mom’s cheek to
really put the middle finger up to their dad. Elaine giggles with a knowing
look to her husband. It’s weird, I’ve pictured their family to be so different
judging from TV appearances, but they’re so normal. They have a standard
family dynamic, like anyone else’s, despite being the most famous family in
football.
“Actually, I believe it was you two idiots fawning all over her
when she was born. Smothering her everyday that I couldn’t get my own
little hugs from her.” He reaches down to wrap his arms around his
daughter playfully and raises his actual finger up to his sons. I watch Elaine
nod at both me and TJ standing and enjoying their family jabs. This is all
lighthearted stuff.
“You know it’s bad when you have to fight your own daughter for
attention from these guys.” Elaine points at the three of them, all
completely smitten by this beautiful girl laying in bed and smiling at the
three of them. “She’s always been a daddy’s princess too, to make matters
worse.” She rolls her eyes but smirks at her husband.
“And she’ll always be my princess.” He runs his hand along her
hair with nothing but love expressed on his face.
“I thought Chris would always be your princess?” She wiggles her
eyebrows at her older brother, who winks back.
“I am and will always be the original daddy’s princess, Cookie!”
He leans back with his hands behind his head, the rest against the wall
behind him. Another laugh erupts in the room, but gets interrupted by the
door opening up. The nurse comes in with food on a tray for her.
“I’m sorry guys, feeding time at the zoo!” the nurse jokes and
maneuvers around us to get to the person that needs it the most. “Visiting
hours will be over soon,” she hints to us that we need to make a move back
home. I look at my phone to check the time, seeing how late it is. Damn,
time flies fast.
I scroll through the messages I’ve received; Maya, Maya, Maya,
Mom, Maya, etc. It goes on forever with Maya. It’s usually angry messages
too. I sigh as I think about how I need to deal with her. She’s upped her
clinginess with me now and it’s getting really annoying.
We all say our goodbyes to her and I pull her in tight for a hug
before I leave her.
“I’ll come by tomorrow, if you want?” I whisper in her ear.
Feeling her nod in my arms, I gently kiss her head and pull back before
anyone realizes. “Rest up, alright? Take care of yourself, Carter.” If she
won’t, I certainly will. I’ll take care of her.
“Thanks, Nick.” I shudder after hearing my name. I want to lock
my lips on her so badly right now thanks to that look she’s currently giving
me. It’s sending all the blood down south. I clear my throat, stepping away
to let the others say goodbye. The only bad thing is that I finish late
tomorrow, so I may come in early in the morning or wait until the later
visiting hours are available.
I walk over to shake her brothers’ hands like I always do before I
leave and I also do the same to her father. He does his with a little more
grip. Her mom engulfs me in a hug and whispers, ‘Thank you’ like she
always does whenever I visit. I’m always happy to be there for her
daughter.
After one last goodbye, we leave the room and make our way
down towards the elevators where there are a few people wandering around.
When the doors part, we get in and make our way to the underground car
park.
“I’ll be the one to take them back.You okay with that?” TJ asks
me. I agree say I’ll see him back at our place. “Try not to smash Ryan in the
face, Nick.” He chuckles and I join in with him.
“No promises.” I grin, knowing that if he even so much as looks
at me weird I will punch his pretty boy face and rearrange it. I wave them
off and start to make my way towards my car. Sliding into my seat until I’m
comfortable, I start up the engine and shut the door.
 I’m cruising down the lanes to get home. I’m driving with a huge
smile in my face and the wind blowing through my hair. I finally saw her
awake today. I honestly don’t know how much longer I would’ve lasted if I
hadn’t heard her voice or seen her crystal blue eyes. I’m smiling like an
idiot as I turn down the street near the house. I took the long way back,
trying to avoid reaching home before TJ. At least he could shut Ryan up if
he was there.
I slip out of the car and make my way to the house. I don’t see
TJ’s car. I mentally curse him for not being inside already. Opening the door
and thinking about Carter, I pull my shirt over my head because it’s hot
outside.
“Damn!” I hear a girl’s voice, so I look up in shock to see a group
of girls sitting on our sofas with the guys around them. What the hell?
They’re all in crop tops and shorts that could barely be seen. I
recognize some of them as cheerleaders and girls I’ve been with in the past.
“Still looking hot, Nick!” Another winks at me and, for the first
time in my life, I literally don’t know what to do. I just stand there, allowing
them all gawk at me. I could practically hear their jaws thump against the
floor as they drop at the sight of me. I turn away from them and walk
towards the refrigerator to get a cold water, praying that there’s one.
Finding one, I grin and grab it, claiming it as mine. Flipping my shirt over
my shoulder, I guzzle down the water to aid my dry throat.
Seeing them all stop to stare at me, I can’t help but not care,
which isn’t normally like me. I only want one girl to look at me like that. I
want her to want me like that, but I know it’ll take time. She’s innocent, and
I’m not going to rush it with her. I saunter to my room, passing by a few of
them who ogle at me. Maya is waiting for me at my door, leaning on it with
a smirk on her face.
“Can you not take a no?” I ask her and reach for the door handle
to my own room she’s blocking me from. Biting on her lip, she pushes up
against me and grinds on my dick that hasn’t had any action for the past few
weeks. It’s much more sensitive than I originally thought. Fuck.
“Come on, Nick . . . I know you miss me,” she whispers
seductively in my ear, and I feel my body wanting some sort of contact. But
not hers.
 “See, Maya, that’s where you’re wrong. I don’t. So move.” I bark
back, annoyed at how she’s using my weakness to get what she wants. As
soon as my door opens, she storms in behind me. I turn around to get her
out, only to be greeted with her lips on mine and her pushing me onto my
bed. Not realising what’s happening, I try to stop her but her top comes off
and she’s straddling me. “Maya! Stop!” I hover my hands away from her,
not wanting to touch her in case something inside of me opens up.
She bends down to kiss my neck, and I groan at the sudden
contact. Fuck, no! Wait a minute! Wrong girl.
Totally wrong girl!
“Maya, stop!” I shout while gritting my teeth, making her jump a
little. I then see a figure in the door. Looking over, I see Ryan with a big
grin on his face, but not just Ryan.
A flash goes off right in my face as Maya continues to suck on my
neck, trying to draw blood. I bolt up and push her off of me. I race toward
Ryan, who has the stupidest, smug grin on his face. I push him up against
the wall opposite to my room with my arm across his neck, trying grab his
phone to delete it with my free hand.
My blood runs cold when I see what’s written on the screen. That
single word has single handedly just ruined my day.

Delivered.

Right underneath the picture he sent of Maya on top of me.

He sent it to her. He sent it to Carter.
“You’re too late, Jackson. It’s already been sent and delivered.
Now she’ll know how much of a player you really are,” he taunts me.
And I lost it.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
It All Comes Out Now

Carter
I hear the trolley being wheeled in which wakes me up. It’s early;
nobody comes to see me this early in the morning. “Wakey, wakey,
sweetheart.” The sweet old lady who comes in to give me my food daily
always wakes me up with a smile on her face. She’s such a kind soul. She
would sometimes come in to visit me to have a chat because she thinks I’m
lonely.
“Morning, Mrs. Lauretta,” I greet her as I sit up in the bed. My
body aches so much every time I move. She slides the tray over to me with
the table underneath it for support. She walks over to the window and opens
up the curtains.
“Good morning to you too, sweetie. It’s a beautiful day out there,
huh? Do you hear the birds?” She turns back to face me with the biggest
grin on her face. She’s always smiling. I love people who are like that.
“What beautiful flowers you have, Miss Steel,” she says as she sniffs them.
I smile. “Nick always gets me flowers every time he visits me.” I
grin at the thought of him. I couldn’t stop smiling yesterday. He looked so
sexy when he came into my room, flowers in hand. I blushed immediately.
He was so sweet.
“Is that the cute blond boy I see everyday?” I nod back at her
instantly. “You’re a lucky girl, you are.” She winks and wheels the trolley
out with a goodbye, continuing on to give the rest of the hallway their food.
Scrambled eggs and bacon bits with a fruit cup on the side and
orange juice. It smells good for hospital food. My mouth is watering. But I
lean over to grab hold of my phone so I can text my mom. I spoon some
eggs into my mouth and click on the home button to see I got a message
from Ryan.
 I open the message and see a picture. My heart stops beating at
the sight of Nick underneath Maya and looking at the camera as if he’s been
caught. The eggs drops out of my mouth and back onto the plate. The
position they’re in makes my heart crack.
I’m just staring at the picture. My body goes numb, and I feel
faint. Was he using me like all the others too? I’m starting to shake, and I
feel the tears form in my eyes. Next, I hear footsteps racing outside of my
door, getting louder and louder.. The door slams open, and I see a red and
sweaty Nick run into the room and stand in front of me.
“It’s not what it looks like!” He rests his hand out in front of him,
gathering his breath.
“Don’t,” I choke out. His eyes widen and he starts to shake his
head as comes around the bed to get to me. I’m clutching the phone in my
hand with all I’ve got. The screen is black now, but I can still visualize the
photo.
“No, no, no. Please, don’t do this, Carter!” He clutches the phone
and tries to pull it away from my hands. I loosen my grip, The phone slips
out and he puts it on the table.
“How could you, Nick?” My voice wobbles at the image.
“Carter, you’ve got to believe me! I was set up by Maya and
Ryan! Please believe me!” he begs to me, but I push him away, not wanting
to feel her germs to transfer to me. “Carter, please!” he pleads and I feel my
heart shatter into tiny pieces, allowing my stomach to digest them. This
cannot be happening.
“You’re just like the rest of them. As soon as we kiss, my dad will
like you and you’ll get your wish; to become the next big thing in football!”
I cry out and watch his face drop, his hunter-green eyes glazing over at my
harsh words. Why does this keep happening to me?
“It’s not like that, Carter! Please, just hear me out. It looks bad, I
know it does, but Maya jumped me—”
“Just stop!” I yell louder and cover my ears, not wanting to hear
it. I can’t. I’m already upset, and I feel even worse. I cry hard, so hard that
I’m hiccuping right now. “Please leave . . .” I ask him quietly.
“What? No! I’m not leaving, Carter. Listen to me!” he pleads.
“Just leave, Nick . . .” I’m begging him to leave me alone. I want
to be by myself and cry. I don’t want people around me. I don’t need
anyone around me.
Shock is what is on his face. He stands up and runs a hand
through his hair. I notice the cuts and bruises on his knuckles. I don’t want
to know, I just want him to leave. He walks around the bed to walk back out
the door, stopping at the foot of my bed.
“I’m not like those guys, Carter. I know it’s hard to believe, but
I’ll say that. I’ll be here when you want to talk. Please believe me.” Leaving
on that note, I see his eyes are blood shot.
I call the nurse in as soon as he leaves the door. “Miss Steel, is
everything okay?” she asks, and I gulp down the lump in my throat that’s
threatening to spill out.
“I need you to not let anyone visit me today. I want to sleep, I
don’t want any visitors; not my family, nor my friends.” She nods and takes
the food away from me. I feel sick. I just want to be alone in this room. I
don’t want anyone around me, and the nurse leaves it at that.
I did some assignments in the morning and slept for the rest of the
day. The same with the next day, and the next, and so on until the the day
before I was getting out. I’ve only spoken to my mom, but I haven’t filled
her in on what happened. I’m beginning to feel guilty for snapping at him
like that. Maybe I should’ve listened to his explanation? Maybe he deserved
that chance?
But the picture that was sent to me doesn’t look good. I couldn’t
look at it any longer, so I decided to delete it from my phone. Every time I
did look at it, I would feel a wave of nausea wash over me and I would
heave and heave until something actually left my system.
Tonight is their away game. The urge to watch it gets stronger as
the minutes tick by. The room is filled with sounds from the machines I’ve
been hooked up to, and the plain yellow walls caging me in looks dreary.
The weather is overcast today as I’m looking out the window; gray, like my
mood has been for the last few days.
Ryan has dropped in a few times, waiting for me, but I told the
nurse to tell him I was sleeping. Nick has come in every day too—with TJ,
Haley and Danielle—but I’ve refused to see them too.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
My mom pushes the door open with my dad behind her, and I
stare at them. They walk in, hand in hand, and come straight over to me.
My mom sits on the edge of my bed and strokes my leg up and down.
“How are you feeling, baby?” She soothes me. She knows that
there’s something wrong, but I don’t want to talk about it. If I don’t talk
about it, I won’t picture it. I refuse to speak about anything that happened. I
could hear them outside somedays, talking to Nick and TJ about football.
“I’m fine, I’m just tired,” I mumble bitterly. It sounds more like a
grumble leaving my mouth as I lie. I’m not fine, but I don’t want anyone to
know. My dad leans down to kiss my forehead and I feel my cheeks start to
get wet. My dad always comforts me, but right now, I feel worse.
“Baby, talk to us,” he asks lowly. I cover my hands over my face
and let out a sob. I hate crying in front of people. My nose starts to run, and
I sniffle while trying to compose myself and my feelings. “Carter, sweetie,
what happened?” My dad hugs me close to his chest and squeezes me tight
like always. His musky scent takes over my nose, and I cry onto him.
Again.
“It happened again, Dad.” He stiffened instantly. The air leaves
my lungs, and my mom had to pry him off of me so I could breathe again. I
didn’t think that Nick would do it to me. Then again, I didn’t think those
other guys would either.
“Carter, tell me what happened exactly,” my mom coos and pulls
my dad over to her. He wraps an arm around her shoulder from behind and
rests his chin on her head. She rubs his forearm to calm him down. My dad
is pissed right now. I can see it in his face. His jaw is locked and his eyes
are moving like a dart around the room. He’s thinking, and that’s never
good when he’s angry.
“I got sent a . . . photo of Nick and the girl he’s on and off with . .
.” I leave it vague, hoping they can fill in the blanks and I don’t have to
explain. That’s just embarrassing. I wipe my eyes, ridding the last of any
tears.
“Do you still have the photo?” my mom asks me, leaning into me
so she can make eye contact. I shake my head and tell her that I had deleted
it. “Okay, Carter, you’re going to have to explain a little more than a photo.
What were they doing?” She tilts her head to the side, sending me a small
smile. Her motherly instincts are coming out, and I know she’ll go all mama
bear for me.
 “She was on top of him.” She nods understandingly. My father’s
hands crunch into a tight fist, allowing his knuckles to crack. Now he’s
fuming.
“Rodger, honey, calm down. He might have a good explanation.
He’s a good kid, you said so yourself.” She tilts her head back to look at my
dad, who snaps his eyes down to her. Softening his expression a lot more
than before, he kisses her and nods.
“I know, I just don’t want to see my baby hurt that’s all.” I smile
to my dad. I love this man so much. He’s always been my best friend. He’s
my rock.
“Have you spoken to him since?” I shake my head in return. I
don’t want to see him. “Listen, honey, if you don’t hear him out on what he
has—”
“Absolutely not!” my dad interrupts her with so much hate in his
voice. He has changed his tune, that’s what happens when he thinks about
the situation. He shuts any ideas down that don’t match his own.
“Rodger! Zip it or you can leave!” My mom responds in an even
more angry tone than he has. My dad closes his mouth in an instant and
stares at her, knowing if he says any more she’ll verbally punch him in the
gut. My mom is not a person you would want to argue with; ever. She wins
every time, even when she’s wrong.
“Now, as I was saying, you need to talk to him, sweetheart. It
might not be what it looks like, or it might be what it looks like. You’ll
never know the full story unless you ask. If you like him as much as I think
you do, you should give him a chance. Just hear him out.” I sigh, knowing
that she’s right, but I’m in no rush to talk to him. I’m so upset with him
right now. “Don’t say no to the idea, honey, you’ll regret it. I know you
will.” I nod, but only because I need her to drop the topic. I’ll let her think I
will, but in the back of my own mind, I know it’ll take time for me to talk to
him.
Later that night, my dad is lying in bed with me alone in my
room. I’m cuddled up to him with his laptop on the table, readying
ourselves to watch the game. Nick and TJ are starting, and my eyes are glue
to the blond-haired hunk warming up. The cameras are focused on him as
he runs some drills with his teammates.
 “The kid has a good step,” my dad says with admiration, referring
to TJ running the line of drills set up for him and only him. He’s like
lightning. He has one of the quickest sidesteps I’ve ever seen. Chris would
be jealous.
The cameras go to Ryan, who is warming up his arms and talking
to another teammate. I look away from the screen and down at my hands.
“You know, you don’t have to like boys if you don’t want to, honey. It’ll be
a lot less stressful for me and your brothers if you decided to just stick to
your girlfriends.” I roll my eyes and laugh at him. My dad hates the
mention of boys when it comes to me. I giggle again as I think about it.
“At this moment in time, Dad, it looks like you’ll be getting your
wish.” I lean back on his shoulder, snuggling into his body. “You can be the
only man I love, Dad,” I whisper to him, and he kisses my head for a long
time.
“I am the only man you’ll ever love, honey. Keep it that way.” He
chuckles, and we hear the commotion in the stadium on the screen in front
of us. Watching the guys run out onto the field, we are ready to go.
Submerged in this game, my brothers join us before the kick off.
We’re all yelling at the screen as if we’re there, instructing to run the ball
over and over again. Nick isn’t playing good at all, but his team is still
winning. He’s fumbling the ball and not passing to Ryan at all even though
he’s open. Sometimes, he makes a run himself but doesn’t get very far.
“Come on, kid!” My dad sighs at how badly he’s playing. I can
see the frustration on his face. The guys are trying to give him a pep talk,
but he isn’t listening to a single word. He just walks off and ignores them.
Resuming his position, he calls the play again but gets squashed. Once the
guys get off of him, Nick punches the ground and stands on his feet. TJ
grabs his helmet to say something him but Nick pushes him off.
“He’s angry. He’s going to get benched. If he was my player, I
would’ve done it in the second quarter. He’s either going to get hurt or
someone else is,” my dad commentates, not removing his eyes from the
screen. We’re all watching him boil with anger. They take their positions
once again, and he calls the play. As soon as he gets it, he sees TJ making a
run towards the end zone. He throws it in the air, allowing it to spiral; a
perfect pass.
 “Nice throw! Damn, this kid is good,” Austin mumbles. TJ gets
the touchdown and we all cheer and clap for him. “The other guy is wide
open all the time though,” my brother acknowledges the most obvious flaw
in the play, as does my dad.
Next thing we see is Ryan bashing his body against Nick, then
fists start swinging. “They must not like each other.” My dad shakes his
head at the sight of the crowded bodies around them trying to pull them off
one another. Nick is dragged off of Ryan once again, who has his helmet on
the ground beside him.
I sit there, frozen, and comment, “They hate each other.”
Watching both boys being pushed into the locker rooms by staff members is
kind of embarassing.
“Why? They both turned into animals there.” Austin leans nearer
to the screen, watching the team stand there with their hands on their hips,
looking at the two guys being put out of the game by the referee.
“I went on a date with that guy, Ryan, and Nick didn’t like it. He
said some pretty crude things about me, too, so Nick beat him to a pulp for
that.” Ryan’s head becomes visible again and I see nothing but black and
blue bruises coating his face. I gasp at the sight of him. His right eye is
barely open. That’s not from the party, nor tonight.
When did that happen? My guess it was Nick too.
“What did he say?” Austin turns to face me, replicating my dad,
and I shake vigorously.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know,” I assure him, not taking my
eyes off of Nick, the gorgeous guy I’ve grown feelings for. It makes me
sound so weak, but he looks so sexy in his football uniform. He looks at the
camera for a spilt second and my stomach flutters, knowing that he can’t
see me but still affecting me.
“What’s his name?” Austin asks while grinding his gleaming
white teeth. My brother is so protective. God help the girl he marries. If he
ever marries.
“Ryan.” I cuddle my face into my dad’s neck, not wanting to do
this right now. My dad’s pulse is beating against my face. His heart is
beating hard because he’s annoyed again.
“Ryan what?” My dad pushes for a definite answer. This has not
been my day.
 “Averman.” My words tickle my dad’s neck as he strokes my hair
like I’ve always loved. I shiver from how good it feels. “I’m going to have
to teach Mr. Averman some manners about how to treat girls right.
Especially my daughter.” I close my eyes, the scent of my dad surrounding
me.
I drifted off with a blank dream. I remember nothing but
blackness around me. I didn’t get to finish watching the game, but I had
woken up for a few seconds when I felt people kiss my head and murmur a
goodbye. I had an exhausting day, trying to calm my dad and brothers down
from the two boys causing havoc in my life right now, not to mention a
certain girl beginning with an “M” who likes creating more drama for me.
The truth is, I do still miss him.
The next morning, I’m being released with take home antivirals
and strict orders to sleep a full eight hours a night with plenty of fluids. No
meat, just vegetables, and to get some fresh air when I get headaches. The
doctor has written down a few things for me and has also given me a
doctor’s note describing the problem to the college admin.
I’m sitting on the bed, watching my mom pack my clothes back
into my suitcase. Layer by layer, she folds them over and sets them into
place like a jigsaw puzzle. Then, my dad enters back into the room to ask if
we’re ready to go. We both say yes as my mom zips up my case, and we
make our way down to the elevators, but not before I say a quick goodbye
to Mrs. Lauretta. She’s such a sweet lady for talking to me each morning.
She also has a huge thing for Chris, so he kisses her goodbye, making her
laugh.
The dull thumps of the wheel from my suitcase moving over the
gap between the tiles occupies my head.
Ba-dumph. Ba-dumph. Ba-dumph.
Chris presses the button on the door and it opens wide after a
while. There is a young couple in the elevator. The guy’s eyes widen to an
astronomical amount at the sight of my dad and brothers.
“Holy shit! Man, I’m a huge fan of you guys!” he blurts out while
his girlfriend face palms herself, making me laugh. The guy nervously
fishes out his phone and asks, “Do you mind if I get a quick picture of you
guys?” My brothers laugh at him and position themselves around the guy
while his girlfriend takes his photo.
 “Would you like one too? I can take it?” my mom asks his
girlfriend and she thanks her while handing over her phone.
“I’m sorry, I actually don’t know who you guys are, but I know
it’s probably something to do with football?” And I burst out laughing again
at her. She’s so tiny when standing next to my dad and brothers, who are
giants compared to her. She shuffles herself into the middle. “He’s obsessed
with anything football!” She rolls her eyes before smiling at the camera.
“Then you don’t deserve a goddamn picture with them, babe!”
Her boyfriend playfully jabs back, making us all chortle. “Thank you so
much!” He smiles at the photos my mom took. “What brings y’all down
here midseason?” he asks as we descend to the ground floor.
“This one caught a virus and decided to not wake up, so we all
came to see if she was alright.” Chris points his thumb in my direction with
a roll of his eyes. I kick his shin because he’s making me sound like a
burden. But he then wraps me up in a hug, peppering kisses on my head.
“I hope you’re feeling better.” The girl smiles with a look of pity
on her face.
“I’m feeling better, thank you. I’m glad to be out,” I shyly admit.
I’m never good at talking to people. I get so nervous like I’m not prepared. I
need to be prepared most of the time or else I end up saying something
stupid. The door opens for us all to walk out and we say goodbye to the nice
couple.
“They were lovely.” My mom sighs, watching them leave to the
left of us while we walk out the entrance. A gust of wind blows my hair
around, and it’s quickly met with yells and flashes of cameras. My dad
tucks me under his arm and my mom occupies the other side. Austin and
Chris walk in front of us, guiding us out to the car park.
“I didn’t think they knew we were here!” my dad says with a
growl as he’s looking around. He knows I hate this commotion. I grip him
tight. He feels me pulling myself closer to his body while we maneuver
through the sea of bodies calling “over here!”, “how are you feeling?”, and
“any update on the team?” They repeat their questions over and over, along
with other questions about my brothers’ newest female conquest. Once
we’re in the car park, my dad lifts me up into the car and shuts the door
once Chris climbs in beside me. I’m in the middle of my two older brothers
and my parents are up at the front. Lots of photographers surround the car,
bellowing for us to look at them.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The car horn echoes around the darkness, and he starts to drive.
“I will run these sons of bitches over if they don’t get out of my
damn way!” my dad yells out at them, hearing his southern accent come
out. It always does when he’s yelling angrily at people. You can hear it on
TV sometimes when he’s yelling at his players. “MOVE!” He swats his
hand in the direction to get out of his way. Once they do, he takes off and
rams his foot on the peddle.
“Jesus, Dad!” Chris holds onto me and Austin grips my hand.
“Sorry, kids, I just don’t want them bothering you. You guys may
be used to it in LA with whatever girl is on your arm, but I know Carter
isn’t. I don’t need her face everywhere right now.” My dad swerves out of
the hospital once he puts the ticket in for the barriers. He twists and turns,
allowing me and my brothers to slide from side to side in the back.
I start laughing because I feel like a rag doll. My dad looks at me
in the rear view mirror while my mom twists her body around to face me.
“There’s that beautiful smile!” My dad sends me a relieved look. I have his
smile while I have my mom’s looks. “Last one!” He turns, and I crash into
Austin while Chris is trying to hold his body weight off me so I’m not
crushed by him.
“Sorry,” I mumble to my brother, who smiles down at me.
“I was more worried about fatty beside you crushing you, C-dog.”
Austin points his chin to Chris, who reaches across to smack him on the
head. Austin opens his mouth to try to bite him back like they used to do
when we were younger. All of us sit up straight as we continue the drive
back to campus.
Passing by the houses on our way, my dad points out some things
that used to be there, reminiscing about the times when he went to college.
He showed us where he took my mom on their first date when he finally
had the courage to ask her and my granddad. “I have never, even to this day,
never been so nervous to talk to your dad. But I respect that man, even with
the threats he gave me over the years.” My dad rolls his eyes.
“He makes good on his threats.” My mom tilts her head towards
him and smirks. A secret they are communicating through their eyes.
 “Do you remember when we went to that party in that barn there,
Austin?” Chris asks. Austin whips around and glares at him for opening his
mouth. I bite my lip, trying to not laugh, but my dad saw that look in the
mirror.
“Keep talking, Chris.” My dad stares at Austin through the mirror.
I know he’s been busted with whatever he did, or whoever he did.
“Yeah, keep talking, Chris,” Austin remarks as he stares at his
brother. My head is going back and forth like I’m watching a tennis match.
“On second thought, I actually think it was a dream . . .” Chris
stares out the window, avoiding the eyes on him. He could never lie and my
mom knows all to well when I see her watching her youngest boy.
“Umm, hmm, well . . . Chris, funny you should say that . . .” Both
of my brothers eye up my parents out front, who are grinning like they
know something we don’t. “Because that barn right there”—she points back
at the old brown barn surrounded by hay stacks on the outside—“is where
Austin was conceived.” All of us widen our eyes at that information, and I
lost the control to keep my laugh in. I laugh so hard into my hand that I’m
almost crying.
Austin groans beside me. “Ugh, Mom, not cool . . .” he moans,
squeezing his eyes shut.
“Like father, like son,” Chris mumbles to the side, and Austin
reaches across again to grab him by the throat. I can’t stop the laughter from
escaping.
“I could say the same about you, Chris. I think I’d need a
calculator to count how many girls you got with that night.” Austin smacks
his cheek.
“And it all comes out now.” My dad laughs at the reaction they’re
giving.
“Well, at least I didn’t ride a horse naked with the head
cheerleader straddling you!” Chris snaps back, and the more they talk, the
more the conversation gets weird. My mom is shocked at what they got up
to when they were in college, judging by her gasps. Just as she’s about to
interrupt them, my dad stops her wanting to hear more. Judging by the huge
smile on his face, he’s loving this, and it makes him look like an angel.
“Yeah, because trying to ride a pig is sooo much better!” Austin
rolls his eyes in my brother’s face.
 “At least I had my clothes on, dipshit! You were off riding
anything with long hair that night!” And I look at my dad shaking his head
at his two sons. I press my lips, loving this moment; it makes me look
normal.
“Pfft, like you weren’t—”
“That’s enough, you two!” my mom finally butts in, ruining the
moment, and my dad frowns. As did I, I wanted to hear more. “You’re
exactly like your father.” Then his face snaps to her while she giggles at
him. He smiles at her and rests his hand on her thigh.
“I would sound like an angel compared to these two! Please—”
My mom clears her throat, gaining his attention again.
“You remember what happened after Leroy’s bar?” Suddenly, his
face stiffens, and he looks ahead again. He stays silent, not answering her,
but his face says it all.
“Ooohoohooh! What happened after Leroy’s bar, Dad?” Chris
emphasizes his name with a huge smile on his face. He leans forward to
tickle my dad’s neck, trying to get him to answer the question, but the car
comes to a stop. We look outside to see that we’ve arrived at my dorm
building, the hustle and bustle of people walking around campus to go to
their classes and whatnot.
“Remember what happened after Elise’s place, sweetheart?” My
dad throws back to my mom, and her eyes widen with warning. I can see
that she’s going to snap.
“Yeah . . . I’m not going to ask while she looks like that!” Chris
pushes the door open because the mood suddenly changed. My dad winks at
her and mouths, “Best night of my life.” Mom softens instantly like it was
probably both the best and worst night they’ve had, but we all slip outside
to give them a moment. Knowing they’re probably kissing right now, and
none of us wants to see that. Chris pulls my case out of the trunk.
He wheels it behind me ,and I see the looks we’re getting. He
pulls it up the steps with ease, and Austin wraps his arms round my
shoulder when we reach the door, guiding me through. There are tons of
people in the lobby downstairs, and my brothers curse under their breath.
“This could take a while,” Austin mumbles but continues to walk to the
elevator.
 Squeals start to echo around the room as the girls claw their way
to my brothers, who smile down at them politely.
“Can I get a selfie with you?” one girl begs my older brother, who
agrees and takes a picture with every step he takes towards the elevator.
Photo after photo, we make it to the steel transport system and shuffle in.
Pressing the fourth floor, we hope there’s nobody out on the floor. Our wish
came true when we see a blank hallway with closed doors.
My mom has the keys to open the door. Once she does, we hear
Danielle wail while she watches what looks like “The Notebook” by herself.
Startled, she pauses it and whips her face around to see who it is. Seeing
that it’s me and my family, she covers her face in embarrassment.
“I-I . . . I’m just going to leave.” She stumbles to her feet and
power walks to her room with her back to us. Slipping inside, she slams the
door shut, red faced, and I can hear her cursing in her room. Then a thump,
and another one, and another one. She’s probably punching the pillow in
her room. She’s most likely embarrassed about the whole ordeal of us
walking in on her romantic time with Ryan Gosling.
“Maybe I’ll check on her?” My mom squeezes my shoulder and
walks in the direction Danielle left to. All of us walk inside, except for
Chris. I don’t hear the wheels being rolled across the floor. I turn around to
see him watching my mom.
“Chris?” He snaps out of his daze and I beckon him inside.
“Oh, sorry.” He pushes the bag through, and I send him a small
smile. He lifts my bag up, making his muscles flex, and brings it inside my
room. We’re all in my room, and my mom comes inside. Danielle is behind
her with puffy eyes and red cheeks. I walk over to her and engulf my arms
around her.
“You alright?” I whisper to her and she nods.
“I need to stop watching that stupid movie alone!” She laughs
nervously. My mom is unpacking for me, and we both go over to help her.
We’re unpacking my clothes and putting them into the laundry basket while
my dad and brothers raid our refrigerator. Chris especially, he eats nonstop.
It’s all he thinks about.
“So, how are you feeling?” Danielle asks me. She’s sending me
side glances to check if I’m okay. I could feel her eyes on me from time to
time as we pull my clothes out of my bag.
 “I’m fine.” I shrug my shoulders. I pick up my black shirt and
place it inside my drawers over near my door.
“I just thought you were really tired . . . because we couldn’t see
you for the past few days. I thought you got worse.” She stops folding my
clothes to look at me. It’s then I realize, she knows. She knows about what
happened between me and Nick. He must’ve told her.
“You know, don’t you?” My mom stops unpacking momentarily
and then begins again. She’s listening too. “You saw the picture.” I bring
my eyes back to my roommate, who is cautiously approaching the subject
matter. It’s a touchy one—one that I’ve tried to ignore and forget.
“Yeah . . .” She sighs patting my clothes on my bed. She starts to
fidget with the hem line. “Carter, I know it looks bad, but—”
“But nothing, Danielle. He was caught. It looks bad because it is
bad. She’s on top of him half naked, and he is too.” She steps back from my
outburst because it’s still fresh. It keeps happening to me, over and over,
and there’s only so much I can take. I’m a sensitive person, but people seem
to overlook that and think they can walk all over me. It’s not fair. Guy after
guy, it’s the same story but with a different person. I’m tired of it. It stings
every damn time.
“I know,” she whispers with her head down. I then immediately
feel guilty for getting angry with her.
“I’m sorry . . . Danielle, I didn’t mean to get angry with you. It’s
just, it’s hard. Every time I get close to a guy, they end up using me for their
career, and it hurts. I don’t want to be toyed around with. I’m a person . . .
with feelings. But they think it’s alright to step on me to get to my dad or
brothers, like I’m just a hurdle to jump over.” I stare down at my frail
hands. They have red marks and bruises from the drips that were once in
me.
“Carter, sweetheart, I think you need to hear him out first before
you jump to any conclusions. You also need to rest and not stress over this.
Maybe you should have a girl’s night with Haley and Danielle. Relax and
fall asleep. The doctor said you can take the next two days off to get your
body clock back to normal. Do you want me to run you a bath?” The
mention of the word bath perked my ears up, and I nod rapidly back at my
mom. She laughs at me acting like such a kid again. I love hot baths.
Anything hot, really, but hot baths take gold for me.
 She walks out, leaving Danielle and I to fold away the clothes that
I didn’t wear. I can hear the water running next door and Chris comes
rushing in.
“Ugh, I’d love a bath right now!” He runs over to my bed and
bounces on it. For my older brother, he’s such a child. Danielle grins over at
him, giggling into her hand. He rolls over onto his back and stares up at the
ceiling. “Remember when Austin tried to drown me in the one back home?
Little bastard.” I laugh at the story. I was too young to remember, but I’ve
heard it so many times that I feel like I do remember it sometimes.
“That’s because you stole my swimming trucks for the beach that
day! My favourite ones too!” Austin comes back inside with a sandwich in
hand, munching away on it.
“Where did you get that?” Chris’ voice raises into a borderline
squeal. He points to the sandwich that Austin is dramatically eating just to
piss him off.
“I made it,” my oldest brother mumbles back with his eyes closed,
signalling that it’s a good sandwich. He moans to really tease Chris.
“Where’s mine?” Chris sits back with his hands behind his head.
He’s basically telling Austin to go and make him one but Austin won’t
budge.
“Waiting to be made by your own damn hands,” Austin replies
smugly.
“Can you make me one?” Chris has hopeful eyes because he looks
like he’s comfy. He’s not going to move from my bed anytime soon, not
with the way he’s lying. He barely fits on my bed because he’s so tall. That
boy never stopped growing, he just kept going.
Austin snorts. “Nope.” He bites into his sandwich and moaning
with the taste.
“At least give me a bite?” Chris then decides to sit up, waiting for
our brother to come over and give him a small bite. Knowing Chris, it’s not
going to be small by any means.
“Fuck no, your big mouth will eat the whole thing in one bite!
Chris, I’m not stupid!” Austin stares down at him.
“I beg to differ,” Chris mumbles and lies back down, but Austin
scowls at him. Danielle laughs but turns away from them so they can’t see
her. “Mom! Will you make your favorite child a sandwich!” Chris yells out
the door.
“Sure.” She comes in and pokes her head inside over her eldest’s
shoulder. “What would you like in it, Carter?” she asks me and we all lose
it, laughing so hard at her evident dig. We all know my mom has no
favorites between us, but Chris has always declared he’s been hers.
“That hurts, Mom!” Chris feigns being in pain and puts his hand
over his heart, but it’s on the wrong side of his chest.
“Your heart’s on the other side, Chris” Austin laughs at him. Chris
was never a smart cookie. Bless him. “Idiot!” Austin eats the rest of his
sandwich.
“At least he has his looks,” my mom mumbles and Chris winks at
her, knowing she’s right.
“And I can play football!” he pridefully yells back at her as she
waves him off leaving to make him a sandwich. Just like that, I feel more at
home now. But I know it won’t last long. They’re leaving in two days time,
and everything will go back to normal. Plus the awkwardness of seeing
Nick is inevitable.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER NINETEEN
Forbidden Fruit

Nick
Forty five. Forty six. Forty seven. Forty eight.
I’m doing sit-ups to pass the time. Carter came home yesterday,
and I haven’t seen her. I walked by the dorm room earlier today, hoping to
bump into her so we can talk, but she’s still resting in her room. I’ve texted
her many times if I can come over to see how she is, at least, but she hasn’t
replied.
“Yo, Nick, I’m—Are you still doing sit ups?” TJ pokes his head
into my messy room. “Jeez, you’d swear a bomb went off in here.” He
chuckles, stepping further inside and taking a look at my room. “My room
is cleaner than this, and that’s saying a lot.” He walks over to my desk to sit,
throwing my sweats to the floor. Wheeling out the chair he plonks himself
down while I continue my workout. I’ve been working out so much for two
reasons: one, to keep my mind preoccupied. And two, so I’m not outside to
beat Ryan to a pulp.
Our door bell rings, and both TJ and I stand up to answer it. The
guys are too invested in playing Madden on the XBox right now, the
cheerleaders sitting desperately on their laps pressed for attention. TJ beats
me to the door, but I mainly came out to get water from the fridge.
“Hey, what’s up? Is Carter alright?” TJ asks. Thinking it was
Haley and Danielle, I come around the corner to see her father and brothers.
FUCK!
I lick my lips and muster up the courage to stand in the hallway.
The Steels’ eyes dart to me and my sweaty self. Her dad raises a daring
eyebrow at me. I feel like I’m being scrutinized. I probably am.
“Hey, TJ, I’m looking for a Ryan Averman.” He doesn’t break eye
contact with me when he speaks. He taps TJ on the shoulder to not only
greet him, but to also move him aside.
Ryan comes into view on his phone, not realizing who is standing
at our door. “That’s me.” He slips the phone into his back pocket and looks
up to see who is asking for him. “Holy shit! You’re the Steels!” he
exclaims, but judging from the looks they’re giving him, they’re not here to
sign autographs. With that, the other guys come rushing to the entrance,
moving the girls out of the way to see for themselves.
The three amigos strut into our home, dominating it with an aura
of confidence. The girls are ogling them, even Rodger Steel.
“You’re Ryan Averman?” her father asks while pointing at him.
He nods, smiling up at him. He thinks he’s got a shot with him. “You and I
need to have a little talk, boy.” The lower tone in his voice makes me smirk,
and Ryan looks like he almost shit himself.
Rodger Steel is one scary man.
He walks by me and stops, turning his head in my direction. I
straighten my body up knowing he has something to say to me. “You’re
next, Jackson.” He continues on his way. Into the living room, Austin
pushes Ryan onto the sofa and turns the TV off. All the guys are standing
there frozen. Just the fact that these people are in our home is such a shock.
Rodger towers over Ryan with his boys on either side of him.
“Word is, you took my sister on a date?” Ryan nods his head nervously
back at Austin, who folds his arms in front of his chest, making him look
even more intimidating. His veins look more prominent in that pose. “You
didn’t even ask for permission to do that? Not from him”—he points to
Chris—“or me”—he points to himself—“and certainly not from him?” He’s
now pointing to Rodger, who has a cold stare directed at him, his hands in
his pockets with a baseball cap on to cover his face.
“I didn’t realize I had to?” Ryan snorts as he leans back.
“Well, you do now.” Rodger leans over him, scaring the shit out
of the smug Ryan. The low growl has everyone taken back. We’ve seen him
lose his cool many times on TV, but to see it in the flesh makes it even more
terrifying. “Another thing, kid, you won’t run your mouth when you’re
talking about women. You won’t run your damn mouth objectifying my
daughter. And don’t me give the excuse of ‘It was locker room talk.’ I don’t
know what you said about her, but if you say another word about her
‘pussy,’ ‘ass,’ or any part of her, I will rip your balls off clean and feed it to
a hog on the farm while you watch. Is that clear?” Ryan nods out of fear.
Damn, this man is brutal.
Rodger then looks up to the rest of us and continues his speech,
“If I hear any of you boys talking about any woman like that, I will make
damn sure you won’t get a contract with any team. Is that understood?” We
all nod, shaken by the threat. I know he will, he’ll make sure none of us get
into the league. “Have some respect for women.” He stares at the girls over
to the side, who are staring doe eyed at him, who I doubt have any respect
for themselves. No doubt they’re turned on from his words. I can practically
see the wetness dripping from their panties.
“Next time you decide to ask a woman on a date, have the respect
to ask her father first. It makes you a man”—he puffs his chest out with
pride—“and not a boy.” He looks down at Ryan, who is completely
speechless on the sofa. “And stop sliding your dicks into anything with an
opening!” he finishes and pushes past his sons, who are smirking. He was
also talking to them, they’re worse. “If you do, wrap it up.” He sighs,
knowing that he’s talking to a bunch of players both on and off the field.
Stopping before us, he swivels to the group of guys and stares
down at them. He points at the table, which has pot on top of it. “Clean that
shit up! Don’t make me ‘advise’ a drug test to your coach. You’re football
players who need to be clean all the time. That shit stinks!” He has disgust
written all over his face. They don’t smoke it often in the house. I think it’s
owned by one of the girls. I never touched that shit in my life and I don’t
plan on it either.
“That was so sexy,” one girl comments as Rodger walks by her,
who just rolls his eyes. They actually checked him out; they checked
Rodger fucking Steel out.
Making a beeline towards me, he fists my shirt and grumbles,
“Outside.” I’m next. This is not going to be good. I’m on his shitlist. I
stumble out the front while Chris closes the door, and I start to walk along
the grass with my back to them, preparing for the shakedown. “Face me,
Jackson,” he orders me and I follow. I turn around and face the father of the
girl I like. This has never happened to me before. I stare straight into his
eyes. If it’s one thing my father thought me, it’s to never show weakness;
that includes showing you’re terrified. “Start talking.” He points to me.
 “I was set up, by the guy you were talking to in there and the girl
I’ve been getting with for years . . . It looks bad, I know, but I swear that I
pushed her off me,” I defend myself, the water bottle sloshing around in my
hand.
“Nick, explain. NOW!” he booms over to me, and I almost drop
the water bottle in my hand. That’s how shaken I was by his voice.
“I came home from the hospital and took my shirt off because it
was hot and I was going to take a shower. I walk inside the house and see
some girls in the living room. But the girl I was getting with in high school
was at my door. I told her no earlier in the day, but she couldn’t take the
hint—”
“Don’t we know.” Chris rolls his eyes. He probably knows this
situation all too well. Rodger glares at him to shut him up.
“Continue,” her father says tersely.
“So, as soon as I walked into my room, she pretty much jumped
on me, making me land on the bed. I held my hands away from her but she
took off her top and kept kissing me. The next thing I know, Ryan’s in my
face with a camera and sent it to Carter. Then I lost it and knocked him out
cold,” I say in one breath, trying to get the story out before Ryan comes out
and lies again.
“All lies, Jackson! You’re convincing no one!” Here he comes
with his posse behind him. The smug tone matches his smile. I really want
to fuck his face up.
“Fuck off, Ryan! This is all you’re doing, you idiot!” I yell back at
him, and he makes a break toward me but Rob catches him in time.
“Both you boys need a get a grip on yourselves. You’re on the
same damn team! And don’t think I didn’t see you not passing to him. He
was wide open.” Rodger turns to face me at the end, clearly fuming at my
lack of interest in passing to Ryan. He wasn’t going to get the ball from me,
that’s for sure.
“He didn’t deserve the ball!” I spit out and turn away from them.
“Deserving or not, he was open! You pass the fucking ball to an
open man if you want to win, Nick! It’s simple!” He walks over to me and
turns me back around to face him. I nod, knowing he’s right. “You’re on the
same team.” he tells me with a low tone, and I shut my eyes. “If you boys
were my players, I would’ve suspended you for the next few games until
you get your act together.” He raises his voice at both of us not looking
away from my stare. “So, your little petty fighting needs to not involve my
daughter, are you understanding what I’m saying?” We both nod as he
waves his finger between the two of us. Papa bear is out again, and he needs
to be put back inside the cage right now. Also, little psycho Ryan needs to
be put down.
“Good, because if I hear from her that either of you hurt her, I will
catch the next flight down here and do unspeakable things to you,” he says
with a snarl. “Now, get him back inside.” He waves Ryan off so we can
finish our conversation. He turns back around to face me and grips my
shoulders hard, his finger tips going white. “You hurt my little girl, Nick,”
he says to me calmly, and I’m not sure whether to be worried or not?
“I know, I didn’t mean to Mr. Steel, I really didn’t. But I promise
you, I didn’t do it. And I’d be stupid if I did. I would never want to hurt
her.” I sigh, knowing that this is going to be a long process. She’ll make me
work for it, but all I want is for her to hear me out.
“I believe you, but give her time. She’s a little weak at the
moment, so don’t push her.” I nod in understanding. She just got out of
hospital, and I can’t make her stressed. I’ve got to wait to talk to her about
this. “Look, I know it’s eating you up because you look like shit, but it’ll
work itself out. She’s stubborn, I know, but she’ll understand eventually.” I
laugh at how true his words are. He smiles back at me. “She’s like her
mother.” He chuckles through his nose. Stepping away from me, he stares
down at the ground and then twists his ring on his finger.
“Son, if you keep hurting her, I will have to ask you to keep your
distance from her. She’s a sensitive girl and she wears her heart on her
sleeve. She’s my little girl, and I won’t let her heart get crushed because of
some boy who can’t keep it in his pants. So, consider this a warning; if you
fuck up again, I will tell you to walk. Not temporarily, but for good. I mean
it,” he warns me.
I sigh, understanding what he’s saying. I don’t want to walk away
from her. I’m so drawn to his daughter, it’s beginning to scare me. I want to
be around her, I enjoy her company. But I get heart palpitations wanting to
see her, and when I do, I’m just a mess.
“I understand, Mr. Steel, but if you wouldn’t mind, can you keep
this between the two of us?” He understands that we’re both taking things
slow. “I don’t want her hearing about me and Ryan constantly fighting.
She’ll get stressed, and I don’t want that.” Austin smirks over his dad’s
shoulder at me, and I give him a stern look, communicating that I mean him
too. I don’t want her to know that Ryan and I keep fighting over her.
Leaving it at that, they get into their truck and drive back in the
direction of her dorm. Sighing at what a mess this has all become, I stay
outside longer, walking around in circles in the heat. It’s not as intense as it
has been. It’s getting closer to winter anyway; closer to exams.
Walking back inside, the guys have gone back to playing Xbox.
TJ is sitting on the counter in the kitchen talking to Reggie. I decide to join
them because Ryan scowls at my entrance. I can’t be bothered talking to
that idiot anymore.
“ ’Sup, man!” Reggie clasps my hand as a greeting and I stand
over near him.
“Hey,” I huff out. I’ve lost all my energy because I was on edge
outside with the three Steels. I have lectures later today, but I think I might
skip them. I have one with Reggie, so I’ll ask him for notes.
“How are you, man?” Now it’s TJ’s turn to talk. He knows what
went down anyway, but he wants to hear it from me first. Ryan said some
bullshit to him.
“I’m good; drained though,” I reply while my shoulders sag. I’m
tired of all of this. I just want her. That’s all.
I just want her.
They both stare at me, silently telling me to expound, and they
both smirk at me. “They want me to give her some space. Even though
she’s out of the hospital, she needs her strength back. And right now, I’m
causing her nothing but stress. So, I’ll give her some space; I’ll give her
time to rest and then I’ll talk to her about that FUCKING PHOTO!” I yell
out, making sure Ryan heard me loud and clear. He’s a fucking asshole for
doing that just so he could have her. He’s not getting her, she’s mine and
mine only.
“Man, I saw it! So did Cas!” Reggie winces at the thought. No
doubt his girlfriend will eat my head off the next time she sees me. I spoke
with her for a while when I bumped into her outside of my class the other
day and we talked about how Carter was. I knew she and Carter would get
along great. “You’re in her bad books right now, Jackson.” He chuckles
heavily beside me.
“Which girl?” I roll my eyes at them putting me on their shit list.
They both laugh, knowing exactly how it’s going to go with the two
headstrong women we know.
“Haha! Both, buddy!” Reggie pats my bare shoulder, pushing and
pulling my body. “So, you coming to class?” I shake my head and he copies
me, not accepting the answer. “Ohhh no! You’re coming with me! You’re
not going to skip class and sulk about her. Nick, come on, get your shit.
We’re going.” I groan loudly and make my way out.
“I’ll call Lynn!” TJ shouts down at me as I grab my stuff to leave
with Reggie, walking back to meet him in the hallway.
I nudge TJ’s shoulder and tell him, “You do that, I’ll make sure
you don’t get any chocolate cake ever again! Along with my foot lodged up
your ass!” I point at him as we leave out the door. Reggie pulls me by my
neck and rubs my skull with his knuckles, playfully laughing with me to
cheer me up and pull me out of my funk that I’ve been in since the day she
saw the picture.
“How is your mama?” he asks me as we both get in his small car.
“She’s good, still on my case though. What’s new, huh?” I click
the belt in beside me and we make our way to class.
“Oh yeah? Still up your ass about a girlfriend too?” He chuckles,
looking at his side mirror for oncoming cars.
“You know it.” I shake my head from side to side and drop it back
with a bounce on the headrest. It’s all she ever talks about, although she’s
met Maya multiple times and hates her. Mainly because Haley talks nothing
but negative things about her. So my mom has heard all the crap she’s done
to others through Haley; Maya’s number one fan. Safe to say, my mom
doesn’t want her as even a consideration. But I knew she wasn’t fond of her
the first time they met at the grocery store. I knew by my mothers face that
it was a no-go area.
“Any candidates?” he teases me, and I know where he’s going
with this. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing.
“Reg, shut up.” He parks up his car. Immediately, I bolt out of the
door, trying to leave that question behind. But much to my displeasure, he
continues to tease me. We got all the traffic lights, and there was barely
anything on the roads which made for a quick trip. Just over a minute
actually. It usually takes about five.
“Dude, come on, you’re meaning to tell me that you have no
potential girls lined up?” I shrug my shoulders as he falls into step beside
me. We both look around the campus, making our way to the building our
class is in. I see some people hustling around, laying on the grass and sitting
at the picnic tables. “I mean, seriously man? The amount of girls on campus
that are dying to go on a date with you is enormous! You’re the first string
quarterback for Ole fucking Miss! You pretty much have an NFL career in
your hands! Any girl would want to be the one beside you on that journey!”
He laughs.
He’s right, but it doesn’t mean I want that. Any girl would drop
what they have for me in this college, even if they weren’t single. But that’s
exactly what I don’t want, I don’t want them to like me for my name.
There’s only one girl that I’ve come across who’s like that, and she’s upset
with me.
“That’s the problem dude, I don’t want just any girl.” He smirks
as we open the door to the building.
“So, you have thought about dating.” As soon as he asks that, I
could feel the eyes on me; I refuse to look anywhere else other than Reggie.
“No man, dating isn’t on my agenda right now.” He laughs once
and covers his mouth with the side of his fist. His shoulders shaking with
laughter.
“Yeah, yeah. Keep lying to yourself, man! We all know there’s
one girl on your mind.” He taps my shoulder knowingly as we swerve down
the hallways, ignoring the looks from people as we bulldoze our way to
class. “Look, I know you guys love that single life, hoeing it up for
whatever comes your way and all. It’s hard to leave, I get that, but that’s
because y’all haven’t found the right girl to make you want her and only her
. . . I found that out as soon as I kissed Cas. I knew she was the one for me.
She still is and always will be. She’s my rock, and ever since my mom died,
she was there for me and listened to me. I love her for that, I love her full
stop.” The left side of my lip turns up in hearing how much he loves Cas. It
takes me back to think about my own parents. Growing up, I saw how much
my parents adored each other. Sure, they fought, but they always made up
soon after. My dad has always been a hard lover, especially when it came to
my mom. He shows it everyday.
So, why did I become a player? Usually, some guys have a sob
story of that one girl who rejected them; the one that got away that made
their heart grow cold. Not me, I just liked the options. Ever since I knew
what a kiss was, I let loose. I’ve grown to be afraid of commitment because
I have to be all in. I never wanted to be all in with a girl. Relationships seem
like too much of an effort for me.
“I can see you’re both obsessed with each other, Reg.” We trudge
up the steps of the auditorium to get to the back row. I slip into my seat first
and sit in the middle of the row while Reggie follows me.
“Yeah, bro, I love that woman so much. I prefer being with her
than being with anyone else. I don’t miss being single at all, man. I love
being with her. She’s my baby mama.” He winks.
I snap my head around to face him, shocked. “Cas is pregnant?” I
squeal, stopping my motions.
“No, haha! No, no! Not yet, I’m working on that! She’s my future
baby mama. I can’t fucking wait to have kids with her.” He sighs, leaning
back and staring up at the ceiling, smiling at the thought of a mini-Reggies
running around.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have my own kids, just not right
now, not before I get into the NFL.
“How many do you guys want?” I ask, laughing at this beefy guy
sitting next to me turning to mush at the thought of having kids with Cas.
He’s crazy to be thinking about that already.
“Five . . . maybe more?” I laugh at him not holding back. I nearly
fall off the seat in the hall. My laugh is echoing around the room, but I can’t
stop. I can’t hold it in.
“How many does she want?” I ask, knowing that Cas isn’t going
to pop five little Reggie’s out now or in the future.
“Two,” he grumbles, narrowing his eyes down in front of us. “A
boy and a girl.” He sighs. “I want all boys. Girls are a fucking handful, plus
I would have to protect them from the likes of you, Jackson,” he teases me.
I laugh back at his playful dig.
I’m not that bad? Right? “Hey, I’m a nice guy!” I defend myself.
 “Uh-huh.” He rolls his eyes and I punch him square in the arm,
giving him a dead arm. I chuckle at his expression which is soaked with
discomfort. “I fucking hate when you do that! You give the worst dead arms
known to mankind!” I smirk at what he said. It’s true. I get them in the right
spot on their arms and they’re limp for ages. “So, come on.” He nudges his
head.
“Come on, what?” I ask as we watch people flow through the door
getting into their spaces.
“Tell me what Rodger Steel spoke to you about. I know it was
about his daughter. Did you bang her? Is that why he spoke to you?” I stay
silent, not wanting to talk about this. “Oh . . .” He starts to laugh and bangs
the desk in front of him. “Oh man! You fucking like her, you like his
daughter! That’s why you and Ryan are fighting! That’s why you keep
dodging the girlfriend question!” I don’t speak a word, but all of it is true,
maybe except for the last part. I’m not sure how I feel about that just yet.
“Dude, some advice, make a move before some other guy comes in and
sweeps her off her feet and runs away with her in his arms—”
“That won’t happen!” I suddenly yell back, and his eyes widen to
the size of plates by my outburst. We stare at each other, not saying a single
word to relieve the tense atmosphere. Our professor breaks the silence
between us, and we both drift our eyes toward the front to listen to what he
has to say.
The lecture starts with what’s expected in our next assignment
then continues on to the course material. He emphasizes what will possibly
come up in our final exams. I take some notes that will be helpful for when
I’m studying with Reggie.
It’s not the most exciting class happening, so I feel my mind
drifting back to Reggie’s words. “Make a move before some other guy
comes in and sweeps her off her feet.” Imagining her with another guy gets
my blood boiling. Another guy touching her, another guy’s eyes on her,
another guy kissing her, another guy inside of her, inside of what’s mine. I
squeeze my eyes shut because I’m making myself more and more annoyed.
I hate this silent treatment she’s giving me because she’s driving me crazy.
I’m so close to bursting. I’m so close to just ignoring what her dad
said to me earlier on and running up to her dorm room, kicking the door
down, and finding her. I want to drag her into her room and kiss the shit out
of her.
But I know that’s a bad idea. She hasn’t gotten her strength back
at the moment, and I want to make sure she’s alright. I want to be there for
her. I want to hold her like I did before, minus the paramedics.
I don’t want anyone’s hands on her or near her. I know some of
the guys in the house thinks she’s hot. I can see the look they give her when
they see her. It pisses me off, their eyes undressing her right in front of me.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve glared at them to stop.
I don’t even like that Kevin guy around her. It’s clear as fucking
day that he likes her. Then again, she’s so oblivious to how gorgeous she is.
She doesn’t even notice some of the girls’ glares that are directed towards
her.
But I do. I see the jealousy in their eyes because she has my
attention and they don’t. That fire lights in their eyes when she enters the
room, but with Maya, it’s an explosion.
It was funny at the beginning, but now, it’s turned into a
dangerous game between her, me, Maya, and now Ryan. Clearly, Maya and
Ryan have teamed up so they can get what they want. Maya wants to be my
girlfriend, which I can safely say will never happen, and Ryan wants to date
Carter and possibly make it official, which I can also safely say will never
happen. Not while I’m still alive and kicking. Maya isn’t girlfriend material,
she likes to sleep around too much. I don’t want a girl like that. Sure, she
was some fun every so often, but now, I’m over it.
I’ve been over it ever since Carter walked into that house party at
the start of college in that sexy red-hot figure-hugging dress. Good lord, did
my dick get hard at the sight of her that night. I had plans for her that night,
but it came to screeching halt when I found out she was my sister’s
roommate. Since then, she was like the forbidden fruit I so badly wanted.
The more I ran into her, the more I wanted to get to know her. For most
nights, I thought about her without even realizing I was. She would
constantly be on my mind, every goddamn day. I would almost plan my day
around her, hoping to bump into her. It mainly consisted of me going over
to their dorm, pretending I was seeing Haley. In reality, I wanted to see sexy
Steel.
 When I did see her, I was happy. I would leave with a stupid smile
on my face after seeing her, and when I didn’t, I would sulk. I knew she was
responsible for my mood swings, and it was annoying me at first. I kept
wondering why she was such an influence on my behaviour. It took a while,
but I figured it out when she fell on the floor after Haley was roaring at me
for stealing the last slice of cake. I wanted her. I liked her more than I cared
to admit. She meant something to me. After careful consideration, I realized
that she, in fact, was special to me.
Carter Steel is a very special girl to me.
It amplified when she was cleaning up my busted lip that night the
fight between Ryan and I kicked off after their date, when she sat on my lap
and cleaned me up. I watched her eyes focus on the task, and I truly got to
see her for myself, alone in a bathroom. Not the most romantic setting, but I
took it and she looked like true beauty.
When she stared at me, my heart started to pick up and race away
from me and towards her. It has never happened before. I felt funny that
night. I was on cloud nine even when it started off as being a shitty night. I
used Maya to make Carter react. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. The
whole thing was my fault, I shouldn’t have ignored her the day before at
Ellie’s party. Why did I have to do that to prove a point? My mom can be so
annoying sometimes.
“You can’t hide it from me, Nicholas.”
“I can see it all over your face, sweetie.”
“I’m not stupid, I know there’s something there.”
“When am I going to see you with a girlfriend?”
The same shit, but a different day.
I’m stubborn, but so is my mom. Where do you think I got it
from? I still haven’t openly admitted to liking Carter to her, but I know she
can tell just by the way I look at her. I mean, it’s so fucking obvious now. I
shut down completely when she’s around.
Plus the fact that Ellie likes her so much that she takes my mom’s
phone and calls me to ask if I’m with her. She begs me to tell her if Carter is
there just so she can read her another story. I like the fact that my little
sisters like her. Ellie is very shy, but so is Carter, I think that’s partially the
reason why she likes her.
 Carter is so kind to people, yet awkward around them. I think
that’s what drew me to her in the first place. Her uncertainty around me that
night piqued my interest in her. The way she checked me out as I did with
her, the way she would avert her eyes elsewhere when they met mine, the
way she walked away from me instead of to me, and the way she said my
name, that was the icing on the cake for me.
For my plans to be ruined by my sister, I was in deep shit. I was
hard that night; Maya thought it was for her, but it wasn’t. I fucked her
anyway, but I thought about her while I did. I was a little drunk by the time
I reached Maya’s room. I just slipped in with ease, like always, and I knew
it was time to give it up with her. It’s like passing a parcel around with her,
I’m lucky I haven’t gotten an STI from her. At the velocity she spreads her
legs at, I’m really surprised.
“Yo! Class is over, Nick!” Reggie taps me out of my daydream. I
grab my notepad in my hand and leave with Reggie in front of me. Walking
down the steps to leave, he turns his head around to face me. “So, TJ is at
the café. You wanna get some food before practice?” I mumble a yes and
we walk down to the open door that people are spilling happily out of.
“I’m so fucking hungry! Did you hear my stomach in class?”
Reggie laughs, looking down at his stomach and patting it with an open
hand. “Hah, why am I asking you? Of course you didn’t hear it, you were
too busy thinking about a certain lady.” I feel my cheeks heat up because
how spot on he is. “Knew it!” he gloats and we’re met with fresh air as we
step onto the grass heading towards the café.
“Whatever,” I scoff at how annoying he’s being about this. But I
still love the guy.
Once we enter, we look around for TJ and once we see him, we
see his lips move as he’s talking to someone across him. Hearing Haley’s
laugh, I slide in beside my sister, who covers her giggling fit with her hand.
“Hey, Nick! Hey, Reggie!” She waves at the monster beside TJ. I
greet her with a side hug like always. We all greet each other and settle
down. I decide to go up to the counter to buy a sandwich and coffee. The
guy behind the checkout keeps smiling at me and it’s creeping me out a
little.
“That’s ten dollars, please.” Is he flirting with me? I think he’s
flirting with me. I hand him over the ten dollars and wait for my order to be
made. I’ve never met a guy who has checked me out before. To say I’m
uncomfortable is an understatement.
“Yo, man! You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Reggie chuckles as
he comes up behind me. I cough to clear my throat a little and look to see if
my order is ready, but I keep making eye contact with the guy behind the
counter. “Umm . . . is there something you’re not telling me, Jackson?” I
whip my head around to see Reggie darting his eyes back and forth between
me and the guy.
“Hell no, Reg!” I yell, shaking my head. “Strictly pussy, please.” I
cringe at how crude I became to defend my ways. I’m as straight as an
arrow, ladies and gentlemen. “Usually, it’s girls. I’ve never been checked
out by a guy before . . .” I run my hand down my face, groaning at my own
discomfort.
“Well, there’s a first time for every—”
“Don’t you dare finished that sentence!” He lets out a bellowing
laugh as our orders reach the counter. I couldn’t take it quick enough to sit
back in my seat. Reggie is still laughing at me and how I reacted to that
whole situation. I mean, it’s flattering but I don’t swing that way. I like
girls, not guys.
“What’s so funny?” TJ asks with a smile on his face, wanting to
be in the loop.
“Your brother just got checked out by the guy behind the counter.”
Reggie points to Haley, who leans forward to see who he’s talking about. TJ
does the same and they both break out in a congregated laughter, setting
Reggie off again.
“Shut up!” I mumble and take a bite out of my sandwich. I curse
them under my breath at the fact they’re drawing attention to me. Everyone
is looking at us, and I roll my eyes at how annoying they’re being. I look
around to see many girls looking at us and I couldn’t be less interested even
if I tried. The fact that I don’t have her here with me right now is putting a
downer on my mood.
It’s all gone to shit.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY
I Want My Apology Here

Carter
“Ow!” Stubbing your toe on the bed isn’t the best way to wake up
in the morning. “Shit,” I moan at the throbbing and stinging sensation,
watching my skin turn red as the time passes. I’m biting on my lip, trying to
not to use the profanities I’m thinking.
I’m up and walking around, feeling so much better than I have
been the last few days, except for kicking my toe against the bed. My
energy plummeted and I could barely get out of bed. After the days of rest, I
feel like I’m able to go to my lectures. I’ve been so bored not being able to
do anything that I’m actually excited to go to classes today, to get back into
my routine before it all went downhill for me.
I change into a fresh pair of jeans and a woolly jumper. I wrap
myself up in warmth today, allowing my body temperature to regulate back
to normal. After catching the virus, I couldn’t get warm, but it’s improving
with every passing day. It helped that in the hospital the heating would be
just above normal body temperature so it warmed me up. They just didn’t
blast the air conditioning in my room.
Grabbing my things and shoving them into my bag, I drag the
door open and make my way to the elevator. Once reaching the lobby, I
walk through the area occupied by people walking to and from their rooms
and past girls that look ready to walk the runway at any moment.
The fresh air is slightly colder since the year is heading towards
winter. The grass has light dew on the surface and the flowers are fading.
Leaves have fallen, clogging some drains for water run off. There has been
a little more rain than usual but it doesn’t last very long anyway.
Couples kissing each other and friends messing around beside tree
trunks and picnic tables. Footballs airborn and frisbees floating across the
open area. Laughter fills the open damp air as I pick my feet up one by one
to get to my classes. I haven’t been here for about three weeks or so. To be
able to sit in the rows in the auditorium again is what I’ve wanted for the
past three weeks of just lying in bed and sleeping.
“Carter! Carter! How are you feeling?” A crowd swarms me as
I’m blinded by flashes of cameras going off. I start to panic and push past
them, ignoring the stares I’m getting from people. I don’t need them
drawing any attention to me. I don’t need the media in my face. I’m not the
famous one. My brothers and my dad are, not me. I haven’t done anything
in my life that’s significant enough to be famous. Running into the building,
I head towards the ladies restrooms and feel some sort of panic dampen. I
pull open a cubical and sit on the toilet seat to calm my nerves down.
It reminds me of the last time when I ran in here with Nick and TJ
hot behind me. Hot being the keyword.
Nick.
Ugh, why did he have to do that? Why did I have to bring him up.
It’s so frustrating when I hear girls in my classes talk about him about how
sexy or hot he is. I know I haven’t been here recently so I can only imagine
what they’re saying about him now. Yes, he’s all that, but he’s so much
more and it kills me to think he’s getting with her again.
‘But you don’t know the full story’ I hear my moms voice in my
head telling me to listen to what he has to say. She’s right, but I’m so mad at
him that I don’t want to see him until I cool down. I’m afraid I might say
something I don’t mean and end up losing him as even a friend. He’s a good
guy, but that photo hurt me like a bitch. The sting is still there and I can’t
believe what I saw.
“ . . . I know, he’s so good in bed though! Like, he’s rough, but the
sexy kind of rough.” I hear a voice enter into the restroom, stalling my
thoughts, and I pull my feet up to my chest and control my breathing. I
don’t want anyone to know I’m here. Not to eavesdrop, I just don’t want
someone to ask if I’m alright. I don’t want to see anyone.
“How rough are we talking?” That voice is so familiar. I peek my
head into the gap of the door to see who it is. I see a blonde hair, but it’s not
Maya. It’s that friend of hers, what’s her name? Haley hates her too.
Understandably so, she dated TJ and wants to get back with him, so Haley
is really not happy with her.
 “Like, he pinned me down by my hands and cuffed them to the
bed. Then went down on me long enough to make me have four orgasms . .
. Kelly, four fucking orgasms! The guy had stamina too, we were at it all
night and all morning. I literally left his room this morning. I’ll be back for
round three tonight, I need some more of Rob Averman. He’s quiet, but
damn can that boy please me!” The brunette giggles along with Kelly
rolling her eyes, and the door swings open on the last part.
“Who are you blabbing on about now?” Now I know that voice.
Maya. The serpent. The heartless serpent sent by the devil himself. Just
great.
“Rob Averman. Apparently, he’s quiet but a freak in the sheets.”
Kelly smirks to her friend that just walked in to fix her lipstick.
“I would say beast in the sheets.” The other girl smiles and starts
to fix her own makeup.
“Well, nothing beats Jackson! He’s a man, not a boy, and man, can
he ride me good!” They all laugh with how pleased their sex life is.
“What are you going to do about that girl though? Nick seems to
have a thing for her.” The brunette is now talking about me. I know it’s me,
because we have a thing for each other. He told me he liked me. I heard it
with my own ears.
“Who? Carter? Or Cassie? Or whatever her name is? Meh . . . I’ve
got Ryan on her. He’ll wine and dine her, and I’ll have Nick all to myself.
Not that she was a threat. I just wanted her out of my way, that’s why Ryan
took that photo.” I lean forward, causing the seat to creak a little, but
they’re too caught up in their own gossip to even notice the sound. “It was
too easy.”
“But didn’t he yell at you? He knows he was set up. Rob told
me.” Their brunette friend protrudes her hip, staring at Maya.
“He doesn’t know he was set up, he’s only guessing. I made it
look like we were about to have sex. Simple as that. Although if he said
yes, I wouldn’t have protested. He belongs with me, always has and always
will. That bitch can take a hike and go drown herself.” Maya purses her lips
to apply the lipstick. Once she’s done, she fluffs her hair. “Besides, she’s
got nothing on me. I’m way hotter than her. She’s such a wannabe, it’s
really sad. Nick only talks to her because he feels sorry for her.” She smiles
and they all leave out the door behind her like little lost ducklings. I stay
where I am. I haven’t moved a fraction of an inch from the toilet seat.
My legs drop down, not believing what I just heard. She and Ryan
set him up so it looks like they were together to stop me from liking him. I
don’t mind the insult as much as the thought of her being so malicious
enough to set him up to make it look like they had sex and were caught.
That’s messed up. What a bitch.
“What the fuck?” I whisper to myself, and my brows slowly start
to furrow at the mere thought of them doing that to him and me. They’re
such assholes. I stand up and decide to make my way to my class. Once I
get inside, I sit at the back, away from everyone, while I think about what I
need to do.
I need to apologize to Nick.
The lecture couldn’t go any slower. I should’ve just skipped it and
went to find Nick. He’ll be at home, hopefully. I hope I get there before she
does.
I’m sitting in the lecture room, impatient and ready to bolt out as
soon as it ends, but the hands of the clock is torturously slow. I’m about to
lose my mind. Come on, come on.
“Alright, that’s enough for today. I’ll see you all tomorrow,” the
professor announces, and I’m out of there. As soon as I reach the doors, I’m
greeted by half of the football team crowding around the entrance. I push
some out of the way and start to run. I probably shouldn’t be running right
now, but I need to see Nick.
I need to see him.
I quickly look out of the doors to see if there are any cameras
around, and I smile, noticing there’s nobody in the area with one.
Running past people, I run away from campus and towards the
guys’ house, past the shrubs and trees lining the streets. The next five
minutes are like hell. I’m sweating and panting like I need a tank of oxygen
to fill my lungs. Maybe I do, I’m so unfit.
I see their door and jump over the football on the lawn, making
my way to knock. Once the wood meets my knuckles, I rest both hands on
my knees, trying to get the air back into my lungs. Nobody answers the
door, so I knock again. I see somebody saunter down the hallway without at
care in the world through the windows and then it opens.
 He's standing there in a black fitting shirt and grey sweatpants
hanging loosely off his hips. I can see a band of tanned skin just above it,
and I can feel myself nearly drool at the sight of him. It’s Nick. His
lackadaisical expression morphs into one of surprise. Dropping the water
bottle in his hand, his eyes widen at the sight of me.
“Carter? Are you okay?” He asks stepping slowly towards me.
“Um . . . Y-yeah . . . I’m . . . Can I . . . come in?” I pant trying to
catch my breath but it’s really hard to right now. I’m rubbing my chest like
it’s going to help the oxygen intake. The sharp coldness circulating around
my lungs makes me hold my breath after each intake.
“Yeah, sure, come in.” He takes my arm and guides me towards
the kitchen. “You can sit there.” He points to a seat at the countertop. I sit
on the cushion while he gets me some water. I’m breathing slowly to get a
grip of myself. Maybe running wasn’t the best idea.
I thank him for the water and calm down as well as cool myself
down. Rolling the plastic along my skin for a soothing effect, I decide that
the cold marble does a much better job so I lean my cheeks on the surface,
sighing at how cold is the material is. I used to do this as a kid when I’d
come in from playing outside with my brothers during summer.
I look weird, so Nick starts to laugh at me. I laugh back, knowing
I look ridiculous.
“I’m so unfit.” I smile up at him. His eyes are shining while
staring at me. Once I’m done dealing with my rapid heart rate, I sit back
and stand up next to him. “Um, so, can I talk with you? Alone?” I ask him
and he nods, bringing me up to his room, one I’ve never been in before. A
double bed is in the center up against the white wall, blue cloth decorates
the sheets, and there’s a desk opposite to the bed. Clothes are piled on top of
it as well as along the floor. A few football posters hanging on the walls,
and some cheerleaders or dancers for teams are there too. A large window is
beside the end of the bed, adjacent to it, while there’s an open door to what
looks like the bathroom on the other side of the bed.
“Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t expecting someone to come
over.” He starts to pick some clothes up and throw them in the laundry
basket beside the door. He sits on the bed, and I stand in the doorway
looking around his room. “What do you want to talk about?” he asks with a
little quiver in his voice. He’s knows there’s only one thing that we need to
talk about.
“Nick, I owe you an apology.” He raises both eyebrows at me,
shocked that I’m saying this. “I know that Maya and Ryan set you up. Well,
I just found out about it now. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, or believe you,
or give you the chance to explain your side of the story. I just . . . I didn’t
want to get hurt again.” He stands up, taking me in his arms, and I wrap my
own around his waist, allowing him hug me. I missed his touch so much.
He’s so warm and cozy.
“I should be the one who’s sorry, Carter, not you. I know I didn’t
do anything, but I still made you upset. I’m sorry that I did. But I’m glad
you know that I was set up. How’d you find out anyway?” he asks,
tightening his hold on me.
“This morning, I heard Maya gloating about you in bed and that
she and Ryan set you up so I would stay away from you,” I mumble into his
rock hard chest. I feel so guilty that I never gave him the chance to explain,
I was just so angry with him and thought it was happening all over again.
“Yeah, that would be right . . . I’m sorry this happened though. I
haven’t touched Maya since the day after meeting you, which has been a
while.” He laughs, mumbling the last part away from me. What does he
mean by that?
“I really am sorry though . . .” I step back away from him. I send
him a tight smile and look down at my intertwined fingers. I play with them
to distract myself.
“Hey, I get why you reacted like that. Your dad and brothers came
and spoke to me—”
“They what?” I cover my face in embarrassment while he bounces
back on his bed, chuckling at my beetroot-red face. Why do they do this
crap every time? It’s like they want guys to never touch me or be with me.
It’s super annoying and too much.
“Yeah, they came and spoke to me . . . and Ryan.” I groan loudly
and walk over to the wall beside him. He laughs again. I sigh in annoyance
at them. I’m going to have to have a word. That’s so embarrassing. I hate
when they do that. No wonder I can’t get any dates.
“Ugh, that’s so embarrassing. I’m just going to leave now.”
Before I could even take a step out the door, Nick wraps his hand around
my wrist, pulling me back in.
“I’m not done with you yet, Steel.” I turn to see a smile on his
face. One I’m a little skeptical of, if I’m honest. If he’s going to make me
do something that’s embarrassing, I swear. Hearing what my brothers and
dad did is enough for one day.
“Is that so, Jackson?” I ask him laughing in between my words
because I’m nervous. He nods and sits back down on the bed still pulling
me closer to him.
“I want something from you,” he whispers to me. I settle between
his legs and he starts to stroke the backs of my legs with his calloused
hands. They feel amazing despite the hard texture. All while this is
happening, my heart is bouncing up and down, excited by his small touch—
so small, I bet he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
“And what’s that?” I ask as I smile back, biting down on my
lower lip. He taps his lips with his index finger and I can’t help the smile
becoming wider on my face.
“I want my apology here.” His finger rests on his lips. Not the
apology I had in mind, but I’m not going to decline the offer.
“What if I say no?” I tease him, and he smirks back at me.
“I’m not asking, I’m telling you, Steel.” I lean into him. I cup my
hands around the nape of his neck and kiss his lips. Pressing our lips
together, we both moan lowly at the sensation. The door to the house opens
with giggles from a guy and girl. It’s probably that girl that was in the
bathroom earlier with Rob.
Nick pulls me down to sit on his lap as our tongue flick each
other’s lips, playfully ignoring the other people coming in. I’m straddling
his hips. I miss this so much. The kiss begins to deepen with every breath
we gasp for, and we freeze when we hear that laugh. A body slams against
the wall and we pull back from each other.
I turn my body around to face my roommate all over TJ, both of
their eyes closed in the moment while they heatedly kiss each other. As if
TJ could feel my eyes on him, he opens them and they widen with every
passing second.
“Oh shit,” he curses.
“What the fuck?” Nick booms at the same time. Haley’s head
whips around to see me on top of her brother; her eyes dart back and forth
between us.
“What the hell?” she squeaks.
“Oh no,” I cry and immediately get off Nick. I back out of the
way as Nick strides towards TJ and picks him up. He pulls his fist back and
punches TJ in the hollow of his cheekbone, hitting it perfectly.
“Nick!” Haley roars, trying to pull him off his best friend. Punch
after punch, TJ tries to catch his hands from making contact. He managed to
block some hits, but not much. Nothing can be heard except for the crunch
of the hits and the grunts coming from both boys.
I just stand there until Haley calls for me to help. “Carter! Fucking
help me!” she cries with tears streaming down her face. I race over to stop
Nick and hold on to his hand that cut the air behind him before he brings it
back down to meet TJ’s face once more.
“Nick, stop! He’s your best friend!” I plead for him to stop hitting
his best friend for so many years anymore. No, I’m begging him now. He’s
strong, but he stops once I touch him, like he knows it’s me just by my
touch. I pull him off of TJ, who is coughing. There’s blood everywhere
around him on the floor. I push Nick back to the wall and crawl over to TJ
to check if he’s okay.
“TJ are you—”
“Don’t touch him!” Haley yells at me and I’m so taken back by
her response to helping TJ, her voice made me flinch. “How could you,
Carter!” she cries, and I feel shaken by the look she’s giving me. “How
could you do that to me! You know what the girls are like with my brother,
and you’re now one of them! FUCKING TYPICAL! I should’ve known. I
thought you were nice, but I guess I was wrong. You just used me like the
rest of them!” Once she finishes, I start to back away from her and feel my
own tears crawling down my skin, trickling little by little down my neck.
Two big arms encase me, and Haley glares at me. “I thought I could trust
you!” she hisses at me and I sink further into her brother’s touch.
“I could say the same about your little fucking fling, TJ! My
sister? Of all the fucking girls on campus, it had to be Haley?” he roars at
his best friend, making me wince. He felt me flinch, so he pulls me closer to
his chest. “And for you”—he switches his gaze to Haley—“don’t you dare
talk about her like that! It’s not like that between us! We like each other!”
His sister looks so heartbroken by this encounter. I feel so bad for her. I
didn’t want her to find out this way. Not like this.
“You like her?” Haley whispers and I drift my eyes back to face
her as she adorns a shocked expression. She looks between me and Nick in
confusion.
“Yes, I fucking do!” Nick barks back, and I see her slump on the
floor. The silence surrounds us while Haley holds TJ’s head up to allow him
to sit up. We’re all sitting on the floor of Nick’s room filled with silence and
shock, confused about this entire situation. This day went from shit, to
good, and now back to shit. There is so much tension in this room you
could cut it with a knife.
“I’m sorry,” I say to break the silence, but Haley just huffs while
tending to TJ’s injuries.
“You’re only sorry you got caught,” Haley says while grinding
her teeth in betrayal at me. “I thought I could trust you, Carter. I thought
you were different.”
“You can, Haley. I still value our friendship. I’ve always put it
first!” I sob as Nick cradles me.
“Clearly, you haven’t. I’ll never forgive either of you for it.”
Finally looking at me with so much disappointment on her face, I start to
choke up. Those five seconds were the worst I’ve ever encountered. My
entire body sinks down, crumbling onto the floor. I’ve just lost her as my
friend.
“Stop being so fucking dramatic, Haley! Jesus Christ, your
boyfriend fucking knew about us!” Her hair cuts through the air as she turns
her head to face TJ. I shut my eyes, thinking Nick shouldn’t have said that.
She yells in frustration then opens her mouth again to get even.
“Yeah, well your girlfriend knew about us!” she screams back at
her brother. I hear TJ sigh. I join in as Nick loosens his arms.
“Will you both shut the fuck up! Jesus, Haley, I didn’t tell you
because it’s not my place to. And Nick, Carter didn’t tell you because it’s
not her place to tell you either. Yeah, this is a shitty way to find out that we
all have feelings for each other. But it happened, accept it and move on or
don’t, I don’t give a fuck. I’ve accepted it and I’m moving on . . . FUCK
ME!” TJ yells as he leans his head back down on the wooden floor,
covering his hands around his bleeding nose. We’re all emotional right now
and I don’t know how to get out of this.
“I’m still annoyed.” Haley stands up and kicks her heels off,
stomping to the bathroom. Nick kicks her heel out of annoyance.
“I’m fucking pissed at you for going behind my back, TJ! I
thought we were friends!” He points to TJ lying on the floor in pain. The
pained expression that flash across both of their faces at the last part of that
sentence.
“Now I know how Ryan feels,” TJ mumbles back. Not a great
time to say that.
“You got way worse buddy!” Nick says angrily back to him as he
leaves the room. TJ sits himself up. I really see that he’s got it bad, way
worse than Ryan.
“Is it that bad?” he asks me and I nod.
“You’re going to have to reset your nose, TJ.” I point at my nose,
thinking it’s his. It’s crooked, and there’s blood all over his face. “I can
clean you up if you want? I have first aid training.” He smiles over at me
but hisses in pain. I wipe back my tears that have come free.
“Can you reset a nose?” I nod hesitantly to him. I only know how
to do it because I trained in it over the summer and because I have seen the
doctors doing it to my brothers countless times. We both get up off the floor
and walk to the kitchen while I raid the cupboards for the first aid kit. I tell
TJ to put some ice on his nose for the swelling. It’s been a while since I’ve
done it, so hopefully he looks alright by the end of it.
I dampen a cloth and start wiping his face in silence, remembering
when I did the same to Nick. Cleaning up the blood, I hear footsteps and see
Haley. She snatches the cloth off me and tells me, “I can do that.” She
bumps me out of the way. I nod and stand back, allowing her to clean TJ up.
He sends me an apologetic smile, to which I send him one that tells him it’s
alright. “Ugh, you can leave, I’ve got it. Unless you want a shot at him
too?” I gulp down at the dig. I start to make my way back over to the kit to
clean it up, seeing as she knows what she’s doing.
“Haley! Stop. That’s not fair, come on, she’s trying to help. She
knows how to reset my nose.” TJ takes her hands to stop her and allow her
to focus on him. I would be lying if I said that the line didn’t hurt. Is that
what she sees me as?
 She steps back and motions me to carry on, not without an
annoyed huff. I reach across her to grab a towel and fold it over for him.
“What’s this for?” he asks innocently as Nick saunters into the
room to watch with a triumphant smirk on his face. I roll my eyes at how
childish he’s being.
“It’s going to hurt, you’ll need to bite into this. Trust me.” He
nods, putting it in his mouth.
“We should put that in your mouth more often if it shuts you up.
Oh no, wait. That’s why you’re in this stupid situation.” I sigh and stop to
stare at Nick, who is riling him and Haley up even more. TJ signals me that
he’s ready, and I place two hands on either side of his nose and count down
from three. I crack it into place before so he doesn’t really feel the pain
much.
“Fuck, Carter! You didn’t even reach one!” He whines like a child
as he cups his nose. Haley reaches in to comfort him, rubbing her hand up
and down his thigh. I see Nick tense out of the corner of my eye. He doesn’t
like the look of the two of them liking each other.
“I know. If you were prepared, it would’ve hurt a hell of a lot
more. Sorry, TJ.” I grab his hand for a quick squeeze but then quickly
retract it, remembering that Haley is here and the comment she made. TJ
notices my flinch but doesn’t say anything. “You’ll need to ice it,” I tell
him.
With a nod, he disappears into the living room with Haley. I clean
up the kit again and feel Nick’s eyes on me as I move around the counter.
“So, you knew?” Nicks voice sounds tense. I rinse my hands
under the water to get the blood off.
“I did, but like TJ said, it’s not for me to say, and if that’s a
problem, then I’m sorry. It’s none of my business,” I say out of frustration.
Today has gone downhill so fast. I grip the towel and wring it out, watching
the water and blood flow down the sink.
“Hey, it’s fine. Sure, I’m pissed, but not at you. I’m pissed at TJ.
Carter, come here.” I start to ugly cry in Nick’s hold, sniffling every chance
I get and wiping my eyes. “Carter, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He
starts to pull me with him in his arms down towards his room, cooing me to
calm down. “You shouldn’t be stressing, you should be resting.” He lays me
back in his bed, and I blush at the thought of the two of us together in bed.
Then it’s quickly stomped on with the thought of him having other girls in
his room too.
When he sees the quick change in emotion in me, he asks,
“What’s wrong?” He hovers over me. I just stare at his hunter-green eyes
that are roaming around my face, looking for any sign or clue as to what
I’m thinking about. “Carter, come on, talk to me. You feeling alright?”
“Yeah, I’m good . . . You have a comfy bed.” He chuckles to me
while I spread my arms wide, feeling the coldness hitting my skin from the
sheets. I don’t want to know how many people have slept in this room. I
can’t bare the thought of it.
“So does yours. I actually prefer your bed to mine.” I can feel the
air leaving his lips on my face as he spoke.
“I prefer my bed too,” I joke, and we laugh once more. But
somebody passing by the hallway stops me. Haley pushes the door open for
TJ, but not before spitting out, “Hope the sex is worth our friendship
ending.” I immediately look down to the floor at the thought of her thinking
I used her to get to Nick.
“Right back at you.” Nick sits up and starts to walk over to the
door. “I hope you know you’ve ruined my own friendship with TJ, Haley.
The thought of you two together makes me sick. Going around behind my
back, fucking each other . . . I’ll give you guys a week, max.” He slams the
door in their faces and locks it. He locked us inside. His back is turned to
me and he hasn’t moved an inch from the shut door.
“Nick?” He turns his head over his shoulder to look at me. I sit up
and cross my legs over one another. He comes over and sits on the side of
the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask him, unsure if he wants to
forget about what just happened.
“She’s my sister. I don’t want to see her hurt by anyone, even if
it’s my best friend. You don’t know what he’s like, Carter. I used to do half
of the shit alongside him with lots of girls. I just . . . I know what he’s like .
. . This is so messed up.” He sighs, looking at the door in front of him. I
shuffle a fraction closer to him. I don’t know what to say, but I feel like he
doesn’t need advice, he just needs someone to listen to him; so, I stay quiet.
He lays back on the bed beside me. “My hand hurts like hell too!” He looks
at his knuckles and I see they’re red.
 “You need to ice your hand, Nick.” I look at his hand while he
clenches and unclenches it.
“I know, I’ll survive though. You can nurse me.” He winks at me,
causing heat to rise on my face. Not just my cheeks but everywhere.
“You’re adorable when you blush, Carter.” He smiles up at me, his hand
resting behind his head, making his bulging biceps more evident. I stare at
his arm and then back to him. He’s smirking at me now.
“Stop!” I laugh and sit back on my butt. His head follows me as it
tilts to the side.
“Stop what?” he asks knowingly. He’s teasing me now, and I try
to stop my own smile from growing on my face while biting the inside of
my cheek. I rest my head back against the headboard as I watch him sit up
and shuffle closer to me. He sits himself next to me and places his arm
around me. My face is flush against his hard chest. He smells amazing too.
His black shirt is soft and thin; I can feel his heat radiating through it. “You
know, the amount of times you have nursed people is really cute. But . . .”
he trails off.
“But what?” I turn my head up to face him.
“Two things.” He turns his head down to me. Holding his first
finger up, he says, “One, you can only nurse me, alright? I don’t want you
going around helping the guys.” He grins down and I copy him. “Two,
you’ve got to wear that sexy nurse outfit, while doing it.” He winks and I
start to laugh to cover up my blushing cheeks.
I could never pull something like that off. I’m not brave enough. I
send him a smile once I stop, but his face drops into confusion. “What?
What did I say?” he asks, starting to slightly panic at my face. I thought I
covered it pretty well; I guess not.
“It’s nothing.” I laugh nervously back, but it looks like he doesn’t
believe me, “I just—I know you’re joking, but I could never wear
something like that. I can’t pull that off . . . I’d just look so stupid and
desperate.” I run my hand through my hair, laughing nervously again and
avoiding any eye contact with him. The thought of me wearing something
like that makes me cringe. Sure, some girls could pull it off, but I’m not one
of them.
“Carter, you’re so sexy . . . and gorgeous. You could wear
anything or nothing and I’d still think the same.” He puts his hand under my
chin and directs me back to face him. “Especially nothing.” He grins and I
slap his arm at how flirty he’s being today. He leans in quick to capture my
lips. I moan at the feeling that I missed once again. We kiss gently for a
moment and then he pulls back, releasing a deep breath. “You wanna watch
a movie?” Opening up his eyes, his bright green pupils are shining, and I
get so lost after seeing my own reflection.
I nod back, not trusting my voice.
He reaches across me, kissing me once more, to get the remote for
his TV. “I could do this all day.” He sighs once the remote is in his hand. He
turns it on, never breaking eye contact with me. “What do you want to
watch? Horror movie?” My eyes widen at the thought of watching
something scary. I shake my head rapidly from side to side, showing that
I’m not interested. He starts to laugh and flicks through the horror section
on Netflix.
“No! I hate horror. Nick, come on!” I reach over him to grab the
remote from him but he stretches it out away from me. Damn his long arms.
He laughs at my attempts but I end up hitting it out of his hand and it falls
onto the floor. I race to it but he holds me up just as a movie starts to play.
“Ugh Nick! I’m going home.” He pulls at my waist just as I was about to
get up and grab my stuff.
“No, you’re not. You’re going to stay here, Miss Steel, and keep
me company until tomorrow morning. You’re staying the night with me.” I
immediately see red when he says that. I’m a virgin, and I don’t think I’m
ready to lose it just yet. I was close, this one time at a party, but decided not
to go through with it. The guy I was seeing passed out and I snuck away.
No guy has ever touched me down there. Hell, I haven’t even touched
myself down there. “Wow! Okay, I was kidding about the last part Carter,
you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to!” He sees the panic on my face
and starts to back track. I bite my tongue, not saying anything back.
“Carter? It’s alright, you don’t have to stay. We weren’t going to
do anything. Just sleep . . . Unless you wanted to?” My eyes widen at his
proposition again, and I feel my body is on fire from the embarrassment of
him seeing me naked. “No? Okay, that’s fine. Carter, it’s totally fine. Look,
I didn’t mean it that way initially. Believe me, I just wanted you to stay with
me tonight. It’s been a while since . . . Yeah, I’m just going to stop talking
right now. I’m making it so much worse.” He rubs his closed eyes, annoyed
at himself. Listening to his words, I debate on whether I should stay or not.
“Nick, I’m not ready for that—”
“I know, I wasn’t expecting you to do anything. I just wanted you
to lay with me, that’s all. I liked it when I laid with you in bed, I just miss
the feeling, even if it only happened once. But you don’t have to stay if
you’re not comfortable. It’s fine, I get it, I really do. We can just watch the
movie together and I’ll protect you from whatever is on at the moment.” We
laugh at the last thing he said. I roll my eyes with a smile. Looking back, I
see a movie I don’t recognize. I sigh then shuffle up the bed and get back
into the covers. He watches me with a smile on his face and, soon after,
joins me.
Once we’re comfortable, he places his arm over my head and
instructs me to lift my head up. I do, and I feel his large arm behind my
neck, holding me up. He then bends his arm making me twist into his body
and clasps me to his chest with the other arm. He cradles me like last time
and rests my cheek on his chest. He picks up the remote off the floor.
Pausing the movie, he goes back to the menu and says, “I’m not watching
‘Nightmare on Elm Street.’ ” He chuckles and picks another movie.
Poltergeist.
I widen my eyes at the the title. “Are you serious? I’m not going
to be able to sleep tonight!” I whine. He plays the movie anyway.
“I’ll protect you. Don’t worry.” He smirks and pulls me even
closer to his body, making our legs tangle together. “Plus, we might make
out a little at the really scary parts, if you want.” I feel the heat in my
cheeks once again and bury my head down into his chest, not allowing him
to see me blush again. “So cute.” He chuckles, and I slap him for relishing
in my embarrassment.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
So I Guess This Is Where I Leave You

Nick
Today is a good day. I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my
goddamn face, but it’s a good day. The sun is shining, the house is silent,
and I have the soft breaths of a beautiful girl laying next to me fanning my
face.
She fell asleep beside me last night; cuddled up to me because she
was petrified of the movie we watched. It’s a tactic of mine. I get the
scariest movie to watch and allow them feel the fear so that they depend on
me to hold them, and that is exactly what I did with Carter last night. I held
on to her the entire time and I still am. It feels so good to have her in my
hold.
My large arms cradle her body, protecting her from any potential
monsters. Ryan being one of them.
She took away all the bad blood I had from last night. I still want
to kill TJ, but it has been reduced by a significant amount thanks to this girl.
TJ should thank her tenfold, because if she wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have
stopped myself from beating him unconscious.
I look down at my shoulder and remember her touch. It burned
through the material and through my skin. The sensation had me weak at
my knees. It took her touch to stop my rage. That has never happened
before. I remember looking into her beady blue eyes, pleading to stop the
violence. Then I pulled myself away from TJ and felt her hands separate us
as she aided my best friend. Ex-best friend.
The fucking nerve of him banging my sister behind my back. I
know what he’s like. He’s exactly like me when it comes to girls. The old
me. The new me is all for focusing on Carter, and only her.
 But to feel that betrayal was enough to set me off. The two of
them sneaking around my back, hooking up, and doing God knows what
really lit a fire under my ass. Hence, the fight erupting between me, him,
and Haley.
Haley . . . she needs to be spoken to. Pronto. She doesn’t get to
speak about Carter like that. I heard her snap at her for helping TJ last night.
She threw some not so subtle digs at her, and I didn’t like it one bit. But
much to my surprise, when I thought that she would stand up for herself, TJ
took the initiative. He opened his mouth up and put a stop to his new fling’s
words. I can’t wait until my point is proven and he walks into another girl’s
bed. It’s always the same with the guys in this house.
We set our eyes on something we like.
We get to know her, pretending we’re interested in more than sex.
We flirt and compliment her, softening her up.
We make the move and make out a little to get a feel of how far
this girl will go.
Once we know, we subtly tell them we should go somewhere
quiet.
We get back to their place or ours, though I have never taken a
girl back to my room.
We bang them and leave early before they wake up.
But not anymore. Not for me. I’m done with that. I just want
Carter. I’m not too sure what I want from her, but I know I want her.
Whether it’s beside her, around her, wrapped around her, kissing
her or . . . in her, I want her. I really fucking want her. All of her.
I want to be that guy she trusts to lose herself to. I want to be that
guy she smiles about when she thinks about me. I want that look she gave
to her father and brothers in the hospital directed at me and only me. I want
those beautiful blue eyes shining with happiness because it’s me.
I look down at the sleeping beauty tangled in the sheets with me,
fully dressed and on my chest. Her soft brown hair flares across the bed and
drapes over my arm. I instinctively pull her closer, as if she’s not close
enough. Her body feels so fucking amazing against mine. It’s like a jigsaw
piece finding it’s place and matching perfectly.
It’s Tuesday. I have classes in an hour, but I haven’t gotten up
because she’s laying here with me. I woke up, completely forgetting as to
why I felt so comfortable. It’s because she’s here with me. When she drifted
off beside me, I didn’t want to wake her. I didn’t have the heart to when she
said that she wasn’t going to stay. I would’ve carried her home and laid her
in her own bed, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of something telling me that
I needed to let her sleep. So, I pushed the thought out of my mind and
assured myself I needed her with me. After making up with her yesterday, I
didn’t want to leave her. I couldn’t bring myself to. Feeling her lips once
again took a part of me.
It was amazing. It felt like that first lick of your ice cream on a hot
day. The first sip of your drink when you’re parched. The first A you get in
class. The first kiss you have with someone you like.
It felt amazing to feel her lips on mine once again. I have no other
words to describe how it felt. It just felt so right. I just couldn’t wipe the
smile off my face. I still can’t, because this girl is doing something to me.
I’m not sure what but she is. Knowingly or not, I can’t help but want to be
around her and protect her. The sudden urge to keep her here with me
becomes larger than life, and I don’t want to move away from her.
This beautiful girl laying next to me is doing something to my
insides like no girl has done before. The scary thing is, I don’t mind it one
bit. I can’t put it into words because there are no words that will describe
what I’m feeling for her. It’s something I have no control over. I’m so lost
in her.
As if she can feel my eyes on her, she begins to stir around on my
chest. She yawns widely, and I smile at the sight of her. She’s so cute. And
pretty even in the morning. It’s a sight that I could become accustomed to,
easily.
“Morning,” I greet her and place her head to to mine slowly while
she tries to open her glued eyes. I chuckle at her struggling to open them up.
She’s too damn cute.
“Morning,” she replies tirelessly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had
fallen asleep.” She sits herself up, but I don’t like the cold feeling, so I pull
her back down so she’s flush against me once again. She giggles beside me,
and I feel so happy that I can hear that laugh once again.
“Don’t be sorry. I wanted you to stay the night, Carter. I decided
to let you sleep when you drifted off during the movie.” I laugh at the
memory of her hiding behind the covers to stop herself from watching it,
then she would curse me to hell because I was laughing at her.
“Good thing I stayed then. I never would’ve slept by myself. That
was too scary, Nick. I’m not watching another horror movie again. And as
payback, you’re going to watch a chick flick with me next time!” She pokes
my chest.
“Next time?” I ask curiously. She freezes in my hold. I lean down
to peck her sweet lips. “I like the sound of that.” I wink at her, causing a
slight pink tone to appear on her cheeks. I laugh at her feeling embarrassed
by my words. Her cute button nose is red too. Why is she so fucking
adorable?
“I’m not!” She pouts, and I realize that I said it out loud.
Fuck, I need to stop doing that. Seriously, why does it only happen
with her? I lean forward again to cover up my own embarrassment and to
kiss her hard, but she pulls back, breaking the kiss. Confusion takes over
my face and I stare at her once more. When I lean back in, she backs away.
When I do it again, she repeats it.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, getting impatient. I need her lips again.
She’s like a drug. I’m so fucking addicted to her and the way she tastes. I
can’t wait until my lips can go lower and on the curves of her body
completely naked, tasting every inch of her.
“I have morning breath, Nick!” She covers her mouth with her
small tanned hand and I roll my eyes. She’s being such a girl. I drag her
hand away from her face and flip us over so she’s on top of me. I take the
nape of her neck and trail my fingers up to her hair.
“I don’t care, Carter.” I push her lips against mine once more and
this time, she’s not moving away from me. I won’t let her. I line my tongue
on her lips, hoping she opens up for me. She does, letting me slip inside and
chase her tongue around. One of my hands grasps on to the nape of her
neck, holding her in place, while the other is cupped against the curve of
her ass. Damn, is that a good ass. I close my hand around it, squeezing it,
and feel a moan from her rumble through me.
I flip her onto her back, not breaking the kiss, and press my body
lightly with hers. She’s driving me crazy, and I don’t mind it. I feel her
smile against my lips as I climb higher up her beautiful body.
 The tips of her finger trail up my chest, and I feel an involuntary
shudder crawl up my back by the appeasing touch. She then proceeds to
lock her arms around my neck, pulling me closer towards her, and we pick
up the pace. Taking her waist, I break the lip lock and start to move down
the side of her elegant neck, kissing every single inch of it. The taste of her
skin tingles my lips.
Reaching under her ear, I feel her fist my shirt, and a low breath
echoes around my ear. I know now that I’ve reached her sweet spot. With a
wicked grin, I start to suck on and lightly bite down on the skin. When I
hear that moan leave her mouth, blood shoots down south. I can’t ’control
it, and I didn’t want to.
I did’ it again and got the exact same reaction. I repeat it over and
over until she replaces her breathing with my name, and I groan when I hear
it. It’s never appealed to me before, but fuck, the way she said it when she
couldn’t control it had me begging for it. So I pull away, knowing I might
be ready but she’s not.
“Why’d you stop?” she asks me breathless. I lean back to see her
with her eyes closed relishing in the feeling. I chuckle lightly down at her
and her eyes snap open. Hazy and beautiful, like always.
“I wouldn’t be able to stop myself, Carter. And I know you’re not
ready for that yet,” I tell her. I’ll give her some more time. Although it’ll
fucking kill me, I want it to be right for her. I know girls think their first
time is special, it’s not really the same for guys. We just want to throw it in
and fuck you good. I remember when I lost mine. I was a sophomore and
snuck into a senior’s party down the street from me. TJ and I went to a
different school from them because these were all rich kids that went to
private schools.
To make a long story short, I found the hottest girl in the shortest
dress and started making out with her. I can’t remember her name, even to
this day. Anyway, I led her away from the crowd and up the stairs to the
unknown. We started to make out against anything that could support our
weight and it started to get a little handsy. I’ve had an orgasm before, so it
wasn’t anything knew to me. She went down on me and later brought me
into a bedroom that was unoccupied.
We fucked. She was on top most of the night and was riding me
for hours. It was pretty wild for my first time, but I’ve had wilder since
then. The next morning, TJ messaged me, telling me he was leaving, and I
happily ran out the door with him and I both swapping stories about the
night. I was an ass, but she didn’t know me, and I never saw her again.
“Okay.” She smiles up at me. I lean back into her and let my lips
linger on hers, kissing her softly. I don’t usually do soft—it’s too intimate—
but with her, it feels right. When I pull away, I see the slight red mark on
her neck and brush my thumb over, it knowing I’ve marked her.
I claimed her. Because she belongs with me.
I smirk at it, then she catches me off guard by leaning up and
kissing me again. I place more pressure between our lips, enjoying the
feeling. But I’ve got to pull away before I seriously can’t control myself.
“Are you hungry?” I ask her and she nods in response.
“Yeah, but I’ve got to shower and get ready for class. I finish at
three today though,” she tells me her timetable like she’s longing for me to
come and hang out with her. There’s no doubt that I will.
“I finish at one. I’ll come meet you outside? Where’s your room?”
I stand up so I can walk her back to her dorm. Following suit, she pulls
down her top and hikes up her jeans in the cutest way.
“Um . . .” She bends over to check her phone to see where she is.
Our class schedules are linked to our calendars, which is very handy to
have. “316.”
“Cool, I’ll come meet you outside and we can chill here again if
you want? Or if you want to do something else?” I rub my hands together,
waiting for her to say yes. I’ve never been this nervous to ask a girl to hang
out with me before.
“Uh, sure? I was going to ask you to help me with one of my
assignments, actually, if you don’t mind?” She rubs the back of her neck,
feeling just as nervous as I am. This girl has my stomach doing backflips.
“Sure, no problem, I also have an assignment to do, so we can do
them together. You can ask me whatever you want. I have all my old notes
on my laptop anyway.” I shrug like its no big deal, but I want to impress
her. I want her to see that I’m not as dumb as football players can be made
out to be. Some of the guys on the team are pretty smart, like Reggie.
Others can have me wondering if they even have a brain. “Come on, I’ll
walk you back to your dorm. Meet you later?” I spray some deodorant and
she asks for some too. She’ll smell like me, and I can’t help the stupid grin
crawling onto my face.
She’ll smell like me.
I open the door up and hear that the kitchen is full of people,
cutlery clashing and pans being rinsed. I know Carter’s a little nervous to
see them, but I take her under my arm and walk beside her, bringing her
close to my chest.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” I whisper to her and kiss the top of
her head. She leans more on me as we make our way into their sight. The
guys are surrounding the kitchen, trying to feed themselves. It’s a mess,
with plates and bowls scattered around the countertop.
I see Caleb beating some eggs in a bowl first. His eyes drift up to
me and then back down to the task. Then he double takes, focusing his eyes
on me and Carter. A wolffish grin takes over his face. I hate that look
already.
“Well, good morning to you both.” He opens up the floor, and
people turn around to look and see what he’s talking about. The guys look
between us. I see Ryan there, too, eyes wide open as he stares at the both of
us.
“You’re fucking kidding me!” he roars at the realization that
Carter stayed the night with me. I’m not going to play his game and try to
beat him, it’ll only backfire on me later. So, instead, I take Carter and lead
her out the door.
“I’m going to walk her back. I’ll see you guys later!” I wave my
hand over my shoulder, pushing us out the door.
“Carter, he slept with Maya! Did you not see the picture I sent
you?” Ryan closes the distance between us. I immediately step up front to
protect her from him, my eyes clouded with anger. I’m not going to fight
him in front of her, though, he wants that.
“She heard Maya talking about how you two set me up to make
me look bad. Nice try, Ryan, but you were caught. You’re an idiot, you and
Maya deserve each other—”
“I’m not interested in Maya, Jackson!” he yells. I step closer to
him, warning him to not start something he can’t finish. I haven’t held back
in the past, but I will for her. As much as I don’t want to swing at him right
now, I will if he pushes me far enough.
 “Watch it,” I warn him. His furious eyes meet mine but I don’t
have the time for this shit. I will not fight with him again in front of Carter.
I don’t want her to see that. We have another stare off; he’s the first to break
it by trying to intimidate me, trailing his eyes up and down my frame in
disgust.
“If you change your mind, Carter, you know where I am.” He
smirks, walking back into the kitchen with a glass of OJ in his grip.
“Trust me, she wouldn’t touch your ugly ass,” I say with a
wholehearted laugh. Placing an arm around her shoulders, I walk her out
and down towards the campus. Once we reach the college, we get a few
eyes following us along with a few whispers. I know girls are wondering if
we’re a thing, and I honestly don’t care. It’s nobody’s business but ours.
With that, I pull her a bit closer to me because she’s noticing the
attention she’s getting. I know she doesn’t like said attention, and I know
she’s freaking out a little, because I feel her grip tightening on my shirt.
The eyes continue to follow us as we make our way towards the
dorm. Seeing the building in my sight, I’m greeted by a flock of people
around the doors. I guide Carter through, all while being stared at like I’m
famous. I know people know me, but this is a little much. I don’t even
bother to look up as we make our way to the elevator. Waiting with a bunch
of girls, the doors separate, letting a few others come out. They
momentarily stop again to check if it is really me in their dorm building. I
walk beside Carter into the steel cage and head towards the back, resting
against the cold metal wall.
I reach across to Carter and pull her against my body, wrapping
my arms around her shoulders. “You okay?” I ask near her ear, making her
shiver slightly. I smile near the spot on her neck at the effect I have on her.
Her head nods, allowing her hair brush lightly off my face, tickling it. I kiss
her cheek, making her blush and look down at her feet. Still in my hold, I
brush her skin every so often to take her mind off all the stares we’re
getting.
But I still feel nothing but eyes on me. It’s like they’ve never seen
a guy in their lives.
“What floor?” one of the girls asks, hovering her hand over a
knowing button. The fourth floor.
 “I think you already know.” I stop an eye roll from happening, but
she giggles like it was the funniest thing in the world. Her eyes are hooded
and seductive, but I couldn’t be less interested in her. Lighting up the fourth
button, the doors close; it looks like we’re the first stop. When it starts to
move, so does everybody in the lift, fixing themselves in the makeshift
mirror. I don’t look anywhere else other than Carter.
I lean in closer to her once again and whisper to her, “You’re so
easy to hug.” She releases a quick laugh and I smile on her head, silently
chuckling myself.
Turning her head over her shoulder to face up to me, she says, “So
are you.” I couldn’t help the urge to lean down and capture her lips, hearing
small gasps and the ding of the elevator. I break the kiss begrudgingly and
push her out with me, parting the crowd in the process. I take her hand
again and intertwine my fingers with hers, lacing them together. We walk
down to that gray door I hate so much, because I won’t see her for the next
few hours.
This is all so weird for me. I’ve never been so attached to a girl
before. But with her, I feel my best. I feel happy all the damn time when
I’m with her.
She reaches in her bag on her shoulder and finds her keys. Putting
them into the lock, she turns them to open up the door.
“Ugh! I’m so fucking LATE!” Danielle is running back and forth
between the kitchen and living, panting in exhaustion. Grabbing a notebook
and some pens, she throws them into her bag as she runs by us. “Hi, guys!
Bye, guys!” She bolts down the steps, her hands still in her hair as she fixes
herself. We both laugh at her nearly running into some girls coming up the
steps. Many of the girls coming up the steps laughing at her too. Not that
she cares, she keeps running.
I turn back around to see Carter laughing into her hand at her
roommate, throwing her head back a little. When she calms down, her
shoulders are still shaking up and down with a muffled giggle in her hand.
I lean my hands on either side of the door frame as I’m watching
her. The crinkles in her eyes, the way her nose scrunches up, and the light
flush of her cheeks with freckles dotted across them under her eyes. She’s
the vision of true beauty, and I can’t get enough of her.
 She finally stops herself after I’ve admired her. She clears her
throat, feeling slightly awkward, and bites down on her plump red lip. I
groan out loud and lick my own lips, wanting another taste. Why does she
do this to me?
“Don’t do that,” I say with a laugh, biting my bicep. Her brows
furrow with confusion.
“Laugh?” She tilts her head to the side, wondering why can’t she
laugh.
“No, you can laugh. I like hearing you laugh. Just don’t bite your
lip like that.” I rub my finger tips along my jaw, pointing out that her biting
her lip alone is a weakness of mine.
“Why?”
She’s so innocent, I think to myself.
I step closer into her space and tower over her small and sexy
frame. “Because it makes me want to do it too. That’s why.” She blushes
again and raises her hand to the nape of her neck to stroke it, feeling so
embarrassed. I rest my large hands on her hips and pull her slowly to me,
missing the feeling of her body against mine. Even though I held her for the
entire night, I miss it already.
I would do anything to crawl back into bed with her and just lay
there—lay there and stare at her, watching her sleep, as creepy as that
sounds. It was soothing to listen to her sleep peacefully. Knowing that she’s
resting and recovering nicely. She needs all the rest she can get. “So I guess
this is where I leave you?” I sigh a little, knowing she needs to get ready for
classes today. So do I, but I would miss them for her.
“You’ll see me later though, right?” I nod back, grinning like an
idiot. I couldn’t give a fuck, though, I’m an idiot for her. “Okay, I need to
go and get ready.” She smiles and bites that lip again. Huffing, I give in and
lock lips with her. She knows what she was doing. She’s knows.
Her arms grasp on to my muscles to tug me closer to her body that
I can’t get enough of. Slipping my tongue in, we sigh at the feeling of them
tangling with one other again. The heat between our mouths is a craving I
now have. Her succulent kisses drive me crazy. The way her lips mould
perfectly against mine makes me shiver. The trail of fire she leaves behind
after every stroke of her hand on my skin. I like making out with her; it’s
something that I just can’t get enough of.
 I cup my hands around her small oval face, continuing to ravish
her mouth. I stop immediately when I feel myself grow down south. The
need for me to roll my hips against her was at its peak. I need to step away
and control my urges. She’s not ready for the full version of me, the one
where I will have her screaming my name while I’m buried deep inside her.
Balls deep, preferably.
God, I can’t wait for that moment.
“I should go . . .” I regretfully say. “I don’t want to, but I should,”
I tell her. In a daze like I am, she opens her eyes and her blue ones clash
with my green ones. They are so clear and beautiful; ocean clear. Stealing
the breath in my lungs, I step back and kiss her forehead. “I’ll see you at
three.” I need to leave before something more intense happens.
“See you then.” She smiles and waves her small hand seeing me
out.
“Bye,” I say, not being able to wipe the stupid smile of my face.
“Bye.” She bites her lip again and I take a deep breath.
“Bye,” I repeat myself, but this time actually leaving with the
door closed behind me. I need to leave; like, now. I saunter back down the
hallway, deciding to skip the elevator and take the stairs. One step at a time,
I descend to the main area where girls are flooding the area. I’m walking
confidently through with a huge smile on my face as I leave the building.
“Excuse me.” I move around girls purposely trying to stop me. I
know they are, it’s so obvious. It’s been like this ever since I made first
string quarterback in this college.
“It’s okay, Nick.” The low tone in the girl’s voice makes me
shake. Not for a good reason. I don’t even bother to look up at her. I’m not
interested.
“Trying to get her to make up with you, Nick?” Hearing Maya’s
screeching voice makes my jaw clench and fists ball up at my sides.
Jokes on her though, she was caught red handed. Carter heard her
and told me everything. So, I turn around with the biggest smirk on my face
only to be greeted by her and her posse. Kelly, as always, right beside her
and Sarah, whose been fucking Rob for the past while. He’s only using her
to get the girl he’s been in love with to react. I told him it’s not the right
way, but he didn’t listen. He keeps saying it’s his last resort.
 “You’ll be glad to know, Maya, we’re actually good now.” Her
face drops from her usually fake smirk into a deep frown. This makes me
smile even more.
“What?” she questions out loud. God, I’m going to relish in
telling her she was caught.
“Yeah, we made up. I just walked her home from staying the night
with me.” Her eyes light up with a deep red. Warning signs flash, telling me
she is going to blow any minute now.
“So you slept with her? How desperate. I suppose you’ll want me
tonight then? Seeing as you’ve done the deed and are probably bored?” She
laughs wickedly, but I just shake my head to shut her down. Her eyes
narrow into fine slits, not removing her focus from me.
“No, actually, I held her the entire night. She fell asleep on me
and I let her stay the night. But me, being the gentleman I am, walked her
back so she could get ready for classes. And she’ll probably stay the night
again if I get my way. Or I might stay in hers, who knows?” I gloat and
move away, leaving to go back towards the house. I’m not even interested
in this conversation. It’s already boring me to tears.
“You can’t be serious! She knows about the picture!” She opens
her arms wide and throws an tantrum, like always. Dramatic Maya is out
now, it’s such a typical Maya situation too. Because it didn’t work out the
way she wanted it to she’s throwing a real bitch fit.
Surprise, surprise.
“Oh yeah, about that.” I walk back over to her and the two
dipshits standing behind her. “She heard you in the bathroom yesterday . . .
all of you. So, she knows that I was set up by you and Ryan. If you weren’t
so proud of it, Maya, it would’ve actually worked. But you just couldn’t
keep your gloating to yourself now, could you? Such a Maya move . . . Oh,
and another thing, she is much better than you—way better—in every
fucking way, Maya. Don’t you forget about it. Because the way I see it, I’m
never going back to you, no matter how desperate I am. I’m over it. ” I
shrug and walk backwards.
The steam leaving her ears is a silent pat on the back for me; the
cherry on top and icing on the cake. With one final blow that she deserves, I
smile at her while I’m still walking away. “You’re too loose for me, Maya. I
don’t like them desperate and willing to spread their legs for anything with
a title.” I give her the peace sign to say I’m out of here and turn back
around to jog home so I can shower and get ready too. Getting those last
words in felt so fucking good, and to see her face light up with so much
anger felt even better.
I’m so over Maya. All I want is Carter.
Carter Steel.
I finally reach the house again, using my shoulder to push the
door open. I bump into somebody and immediately realize it’s TJ. He spins
around to face me. I can hear myself make an apology automatically but I
stop myself. My ex-best friend, with Haley behind him in his jersey tucked
into her shorts.
“I hope the sex was worth it.” I use my sisters words back at her
smugly and laugh at the sight of them. They’ll be over before they start. I
have my “I told you so” speech ready for Haley. Once this is over, this
fractured relationship between us is beyond fixable.
“We didn’t . . . we didn’t have sex, Nick. It’s not like that between
us,” TJ mutters back. Uneasy is the only word to describe his demeanor.
“Whatever, I couldn’t give a fuck, TJ. Do what you want, I’m
done with you.” I bump my shoulder against his but he grabs hold of me. I
focus my eyes on where his hand is, staring down at it like it’s diseased.
“Can I just talk to you? Let me explain all of this.” He removes it
quickly because he knows what I’m thinking.
“Your actions speaks volumes, TJ. Like I said, I couldn’t give a
fuck what you do, or who you do. We’re no longer friends. You made your
bed, now fucking lie in it.” I growl back, but he puffs out his chest to say
he’s not taking my shit.
“Your choice, Nick. I offered to explain this misunderstanding—”
“Misunderstanding? Are you kidding me?” I look down at my doe
eyed sister. Scared by what could happen.
“Haley, wait outside,” we simultaneously order her. I meet his
eyes once again. She stays where she is for a few more moments then picks
up her feet to leave out the door. Both of us hold our stares. The door shuts
and TJ launches verbally at me.
“Look, I get you’re pissed, but I have strong feelings for her,
Nick. I always have. Ask your mom, she could read me like one of Ellie’s
books.” He chuckles a little, but I remain stone cold.
 “How long?” I swallow, knowing the answer based on an
educated guess.
“Since we first met.” I blink in surprise. I thought it was just at the
beginning of the college year. I step back out of his space. Putting distance
between us. I scrub my face with my sweating hands.
Since they first met?
“You liked her since she was five?” I whisper to myself, trying to
piece it all together.
“No,” he states firmly and I ball my fists. I may be fighting with
my sister, but I will beat the shit out of him if he hurts her. That includes
now. “Well, yes, but I’ve been in love with her since she was eight.” I
almost feel like I’m having an outer body experience hearing all of this. TJ
has never in his life said the word love, not even to his own parents. He
doesn’t bother with them. So, hearing that right this second makes it all so
surreal. He’s been in love with my sister for all of these years, and he’s
never once said anything? Even when he went out with Kelly? Or those
other girls?
“You’ve been in love with my sister all these fucking years, TJ, and yet you
dated all those girls? You fucked around, and you’re telling me this now?
Fuck this!” I spin around, really not caring what he does anymore. He’s lied
to me all these years, and he expects me to be alright with it? Hell no!
“Fuck you, TJ! When you dump her, I’ll have to pick up the
pieces while you throw your dick around again—”
“It’s not like that, Nick! Fuck! Will you just listen! I know we’re
all fighting, but can you put that aside for five fucking minutes?” His finger
points directly at me as he follows, but I couldn’t be bothered talking to him
anymore. His hand grips my shoulder and pulls me back around to face
him. “You’re not listening to me—”
“Get your hand off me TJ, or so help me God, I will do way worse
to you than what I did to Ryan, I promise you.” I’m eyeing this guy, who
practically was a brother to me, but now I don’t recognize him anymore.
He’s lying straight to my face.
“Do your worst!” He snarls, and I get into his face, breathing like
a dragon. I will ruin this bastard.
“No amount of broken bones or blood will show how betrayed I
feel by you, TJ. You had many chances to tell me, but like I said, do what
you fucking please. I’m not wasting my energy on you anymore. Because
this”—I point back and forth between us—“is no longer the friendship we
once had. I’m finished with you. You can go and fuck off and betray
someone else with a sister you have an eye for.” I push him away from me
to get some breathing room. I’m done with him and my sister, for the one
millionth time today. They can both fuck off, especially Haley after the way
she spoke to Carter. I’m not happy with her either.
I slam my door shut and decide it’s time to take a shower.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
You Know Why I’m Here

Carter
Lecture after lecture, this day keeps dragging on. I have been
scribbling down notes when they hint to learn this for the exams. I’m so
bored, I want to get out of this lecture so bad because it’s the last one of the
day.
Also, the fact that Nick is outside waiting for me might have a lot
to do with my impatience and foot tapping that’s annoying the people
around me.
Could you really blame me though? If you had the hottest guy
you’ve ever met in your entire life waiting outside a classroom for you, you
would totally be having a meltdown too. I’m exploding inside because I’m
so excited yet so nervous—so, so nervous.
Smiling at the thought of seeing him and also at the fact that my
last lecture of the day is finished, I bounce down the steps, my hair flying
all over my face, and walk outside and look both ways for him. Seeing him
leaning against the wall talking to a group of girls, my heart rate spikes. Is
he interested in them?
I slowly and unsurely make my way towards him, and he instantly
spots me like my movement caught his eye. He beams a smile my way and
pushes himself off the wall to head towards me. The people around him part
to move out of his way, And the girls admire him from behind and in front
of him. Not that I can blame them; he looks like he was carved by God
Himself. He looks like Adonis.
Reaching me, he smiles down at an awe struck me. “Hey, you
ready?” He has a laptop in hand, with a notebook too.
“Yeah, I hope I wasn’t interrupting—”
 “No, you weren’t, don’t worry,” he interrupts me and places an
arm around my shoulders. “I’m glad you came out actually.” He laughs as
we walk away from the group he was talking to. “They just started talking
to me. I’ve never met them before.” He shrugs his shoulders. I feel a little
uneasy with the stares I’m getting from them. It’s always like this when I’m
around him. I get the glares. I mean, I know why, literally every girl in the
campus chases after him and he doesn’t have the slightest notion at the
magnitude of it.
I laugh at him and how clueless he is. Typical guy. “I’m really not
surprised though,” I mutter to myself. He stops moving, making me stop. I
turn on my heel to look up at him in the crowded hallway.
“Why?” he asks curiously. “I know girls like me and all, I’m not
blind, but why does it not surprise you?” His left eyebrow quirks up, and I
start to get butterflies in my stomach with the way he’s looking at me.
“You’re just a nice guy who’ll talk to anyone. You’re good
looking, so of course you’d get approached by admirers . . . It’s bound to
happen.” I laugh nervously because the look he’s giving me is making me
weak at the knees. My breathing is short and hard, and I can’t do it properly
with his eyes staring at me like that.
“I’m not interested in them though.” His grin makes me smile too.
His perfect set of white teeth gleam in the full lighting. Anything he does at
this point is hot. I’m nervous around him all the damn time. “I’m interested
in you, however.” He steps inside my bubble so we’re chest to chest. “Very
interested in you.” He leans down to me, whispering onto my lips.
I don’t even know what to say to that. I’m so flustered. Every time
he comes anywhere near me, I can’t speak. I’m so wrapped up in this, I
forgot where we were. Onlookers pass by us, and I clear my throat. The
curious looks we’re getting makes me a little embarrassed.
“Me too.” That’s all I can come up with.
“You’re very interested in yourself?” he teases me, and I laugh
back, all while he wraps both his hands around my waist. I can feel his
laptop on my back. “I wouldn’t blame you. If I were you, I would be too,”
he chortles, making me laugh again. Just like that, it went from me feeling
nervous to me feeling slightly at ease with him.
“No, I’m very interested in you too,” I finally manage to force out
my mouth but it comes as a weak whisper.
 “Good.” He leans in, catching me off guard, to kiss me. In front of
everyone. A crowd. An audience. I’m in such a big shock that he’s actually
doing that right here. It takes me a moment to calm down.
Finally closing my eyes to lean more into him, I rest my palm
around the side of his neck and stroke it lightly. It’s not a heated kiss, I
think he knows that it’ll be a bit much to do right now, and I couldn’t agree
more. Pulling back an inch, he compliments me, “You look pretty also, I
should’ve started with that.” We both chuckle and continue to walk out of
the building.
We decide to go back to my dorm to do the work. There’s less
noise and nobody’s home. I haven’t seen Danielle in a while, and she’s
oblivious to the awkward tension between me and Haley right now. She
doesn’t know what happened yet.
I walk beside Nick and talk about the next game, which is in a few
days. It’ll be at home, so I’ll be able to attend once he’s alright with it. It
will be awkward with Haley, but I’m there to support both guys on the field.
“You’ll come watch, right?” he asks as we step onto the grass,
moving towards our study time together. I nod back, excited to watch the
next game. I’ve always loved going to football games. The atmosphere is
what I love most; The dedication from some fans is amazing to see. “You
want to wear my jersey? It’ll look good on you.” he asks with a smirk. I
freeze, he just asked me if I want to wear his jersey.
Holy shit.
“I mean, you don’t have to if—it was just a thought . . . you don’t
have to—” he stutters out, stopping in front of me. His cheeks are pink, and
I bite my cheek stopping myself from smiling. He looks so adorable like
that. The rosy tint to his cheeks make him look so young.
“Are you sure? I know some guys will think it’s a big deal and all.
I mean, like . . . do you want me to wear it?” I shift between my feet
nervously. “I would wear it, I just don’t know if that’s what you want? I
know you asked and all, but—” He cuts my rambling off with his lips. I
smile once again and kiss him back. I can never get enough of his kisses.
They’re so soft and always leave me wanting more. It’s just something
about him that I can’t describe. He sends my heart racing every time I’m
around him and I can’t control it. Half of the time I think I’m going to pass
out.
 He leans back an inch and lightly rests his lips on mine, still
feeling that heat. “Of course I want you to wear my number, Carter. I’d like
to see you in the stands with my name and number on you. So, how about
it?” I chuckle and nod once more, looking down at my feet because I’m
embarrassed at my own reaction. I feel like such a schoolgirl with a huge
astronomical crush on him. Kissing my forehead as a sign of sealing the
deal, I feel so at home with him—comforted by him. This feels so good.
As we approach the dorm building, we could see a crowd hustle
and bustle in the car park beside my dorm room. I’m wondering what’s
going on there. There’re crowds around taking pictures of what looks like a
car. I stop for a second as we march up the steps and try to get a better look.
Once I do, I see it’s my car they’re taking pictures of.
I feel a slight panic in my bones. I have a bad feeling about this. I
turn to Nick with my eyes rimming with worry and he notices this, darting
his eyes back to where my car is. We both go down the steps and over to the
crowd. Nick moves people aside, trying to get in and have a look at what’s
is wrong with my car.
Coming to it, I gasp and freeze when I look at the side of my car.
It’s been vandalized. My front window has been smashed and along with
the others too. Scrapes can be seen across the doors. A dent is prominently
shown on the driver’s door. Bright pink paint scrawls across the side of it,
saying, “Slut,” “Man Steeler,” and “Bitch.” I swallow down the lump in my
throat and feel a sob coming up. I look down at the ground, embarrassed by
all of this. The tears fall freely. Nick is just as frozen staring at my car. I just
run away from it towards the door and bump into somebody. I’m rub my
teared-up eyes to make out who it is.
It’s Haley, and her disgusted expression mixed with pity and
worry. Darting her eyes behind me, I continue to run away and up the steps
towards my room, where I want to go.
I can hear Nick chasing after me, calling my name and telling me
to wait up. We both make a break towards my dorm door and I slip my key
in the hole, slamming it open. Once I’m in I sob into my own hands, and
Nick’s strong build cradles me while I cry hard on him.
Soothing me by rubbing my back, I can’t stop drenching his shirt.
He’s whispering into my hair, trying to calm me down as time ticks on.
“Not now, Haley,” he says in a defeated tone.
 “I saw it, Nick. It wasn’t me, I swear.” Haley’s voice is shaky.
She’s scared that I think it’s her. I know it wasn’t her. It was that psychotic
girl pining after Nick. Why does she keep targeting me? What have I done
to her? She’s such a bitch, she’s been nothing but one to me since I’ve met
her.
“I know it wasn’t you, H-Haley.” I hiccup, bawling my eyes out
on his shirt. I hear a sigh of relief leave her mouth.
“You need to take this to the cops, Nick. It’s not right to do that to
her.” TJ is here too. Nick sighs heavily, but TJ is right. I need to report this.
My car has been destroyed, and I know who did it.
She’s going down.
That bitch is going down for this.
I clear my throat and loosened my shoulders, taking my phone in
my hand and readying myself with a video.
I’ve reached my point of pure rage.
I rush past Haley and TJ, power walking down to my car for
evidence. As I do, I ring the bell at the reception area where our student
adviser is. I ring it again impatiently, and she finally comes out.
“How can I help you?” she asks me in a bored tone, like she’s said
it routinely too many times for her liking, as she seats herself on the other
side of the desk.
“Get me the security tapes from today,” I request them as Nick,
Haley, and TJ jog over to me from behind.
“I can’t get—”
“Then find me someone who will!” I snarl back, slamming my
hand on the desk and making her jump a little. She needs to know I’m not
fucking around. She better find me someone who has those tapes or they’ll
be hearing from my parents in a heartbeat. She stands up and scurries back
to the office, my clipped tone lighting a fire under her ass. I don’t care, my
car has been ruined under their watch, and they’ve done nothing about it.
A security guard comes out of the back office tucking his shirt in
and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Just great, he’s been sleeping on the
job.
“I understand you want to see the security tapes for today, Miss . .
. ?”
 “Steel,” I finish his sentence for him with no hesitation. “And yes,
I would like to see the tapes for today; right this second, preferably,” I snap
at him. He clears his throat and swallows visibly hard.
“I’m afraid you need to fill out a form for that.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Her car had been vandalized under
your watch, and you expect her to fill out a goddamn form even though we
know who did it?” Haley shouts out for me. I give a slight smile at the fact
that, even through the rough few days, she’s standing up for me.
“If you knew who did it, then why are you asking?” the adviser
says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Because she may want to press charges.” Haley answers for me.
On second thought, I think it’s about time I give Maya a piece of my damn
mind. I push off the desk and bulldoze out the main doors with Nick calling
me back, but I keep walking towards my car.
“Back the fuck off!” I yell, and everyone stands back at my
sudden outburst. Everyone stops taking pictures. I whip my own camera out
and take pictures for evidence.
“Carter, are you really going to press charges?” Nick asks me in
my ear and I nod back to him. Once I’m done, I start to walk away from the
college and towards that stupid sorority house of hers. She and I need to
have a little talk.
“Carter, wait up! You look like you’re on a mission!” He laughs,
and I growl at him to not joke with this. His hands shoot up in surrender and
he apologizes, “Sorry, too soon. Look, I can take you to the police station to
press the charges.” I take his hand and squeeze it, appreciating his help and
apologizing for my mood swings.
I hear two other people catch up with us. I still storm towards her
house while holding onto Nick. Haley and TJ come up behind me. “Where
are you going Carter? Come on, talk to me.” His voice tries to soothe me
but I’m beyond pissed at this point. She’s played nothing but games with
me and him, trying to push me away, but it’s not going to work. She my
have seen him first, but I sure as hell won’t let her win this one.
“I’m going to have several words with the bitch who had the
audacity to call me a slut and scrawl it across my car.” After meeting his
widened eyes, I pick up my pace, knowing I’m nearly there.
 “Ohhh, I’m so coming to see this!” Haley chuckles behind me.
She’s loving that I’m about to give the girl she hates a piece of my mind,
wipe her on the floor, and send her back to the pits of hell where her
deplorable ass crawled up from. Nobody does that to me. I’ve taken her shit
for so long, but I’ve had enough. I may be quiet and shy, but I can sure as
hell stand up for myself.
Seeing the house in my sights, I can feel my heart beating a
million miles an hour, but I get tugged back. “Are you sure you want to do
this, Carter?” Nick asks me to make sure I can take the heat from her, but
I’m so pissed off that she’s going to be dealing with something much worse.
I’m about to end this once and for all.
“She’s pushed me around long enough, Nick, I’m standing up for
myself. What she’s been doing to me is not right, what she did to you is not
right, and what she did back there is most definitely not right!” I point back
to the dorm building and he nods, understanding me and my rage. No more
questions were asked. Reaching the door, I open my camera and click
record to catch her out on a confession that I’ll know she’ll give.
She’s as dumb as the fucking doorknob.
Speaking of doorknobs, I bang on hers with so much aggression I
thought I would break it. I’m shaking so much not because I’m afraid of
her, but because I’m furious with her. Just as I was about to slam it again, a
brunette opens the door with wide eyes. She sensed my rage through the
knocks.
“Get Maya. Now!” I order through gritted teeth. She nods rapidly
and walks back inside to get her. She should be scared for her friend.
When I see her blonde hair saunter out with a knowing smirk on
her face, I walk backwards out into the yard, not wanting to do this in the
house. It’s disrespectful to the other girls. This is between me and her.
Following me out, I haven’t broken our gaze, but her eyes flicker
across to my right. I know she’s looking at Nick, begging for his attention.
Both of us are on the lawn with an audience surrounding us.
“To what do I owe this pleasan—”
“Shut the fuck up!” I roar at her. Her eyes widen for a fraction of
an inch before composing herself. The brief second of terror on her face
tells me she’s hiding the fact that she knows I’m about to cut her in half and
feed her to the sharks. “You know why I’m here. You think it’s funny to
destroy my car? Huh? You think that’s funny?” I step closer to her and look
her up and down with so much disgust on my face. She must think that this
is hilarious, because she starts to chuckle at me. I see red and step closer to
her once again, less than an arms length away from her.
“I have no idea what you—”
“Bullshit, Maya! You know exactly what I’m talking about. You
thought it would be hilarious to ruin my car because I ‘took’ him from
you.” I point at Nick and she follows my finger while I stare hard at her.
“He was never yours to begin with! He didn’t belong to you, he never did!”
“Yes, he fucking did, you stupid slut! He still does!” she snaps at
me. We’re both breathing fire at this point. “He was always fucking mine,
you’re just a bump in the road! You don’t know shit! I didn’t do shit to your
ugly car either that daddy bought you.” She smirks again; lying through her
teeth.
“I have the tapes, Maya, you’re obviously stupid enough to get
yourself caught on camera,” I bluff, but I know the tapes will show her and
her posse ruining my car. “That bleach has gone straight to your brain! I
mean, it’s a cardinal rule to not get yourself caught doing something you
shouldn’t be doing. You might as well walk into the police station and
confess to it.”
“Why the fuck are you here then if I ‘did it’?” She uses air quotes.
“I just wanted to tell your stupid ass and your friends.” I whip my
head around to face the other two culprits, who are looking worried and
guilty right now, confirming my bluff. “ I’m taking this to the police and
pressing charges against all of you. I just thought I’d let you all know so
you can come up with a lie as to where you were when it happened, even
though you’re clearly seen on camera spraying my car with paint and
smashing it up.” I smirk back at her shocked expression. “What did you
expect, Maya? Me to run, cry, and hide from this? To let it all blow over
and let you continue to walk all over me? That I would back down from all
of this and let you get the upper hand? Let me tell you this and your fucking
backup dancers, you fucked with the wrong girl.” I stand a breath away
from her scared face. “You really pushed the limit now. You don’t fuck with
a Steel. You do, you pay the damn price. I won’t hold back on the charges,
Maya. Everyone has a breaking point, and I’ve reached mine. You knew
who I am, who my parents are—”
 “My dad is a detective! You can’t prove shit, Carter!” she defends
herself. Like that shit’s going to help her.
“By the time I’m through with you and these charges, Maya, not
even your goddamn father can help you get out of this one. Not even the
fucking President can get you off.” I snarl back at her. I have so much anger
towards her and her two idiot friends that I don’t even care about how I
look right now. I make good with my threats. I won’t hold back, not a single
bit. She’s speechless right now as I just stare at her. I may be smaller than
her, but I sure as hell look bigger than her right now. “There’s so much
evidence against you, your dad can’t help you with this. You’ve been
caught, along with your little friends too.” I scowl as I look at the two of
them sweat, still telling me that they’re guilty. They may as well hold up a
sign saying “‘I did it” thanks to the looks on their faces.
“This is what you like, Nick? Huh? A bitch who is bullshitting her
way through college, taking girls’ boyfriends? Careful, Haley, you might be
next,” she taunts them, and I sigh in frustration.
“You know what! You can think all you like that he was your
boyfriend, but it’s sad when it’s only you who sees it that way. He even
denies it.” I hate bringing Nick into this, but it’s necessary to get it through
her delusional brain of hers that they were never official.
“Like he’d ever ask you out, you little troll.” She growls back,
looking at me from head to toe. I start to laugh at how stupid she looks. For
such a pretty girl, her appeal is wasted on how stupid she really is. I can see
why Nick never wanted to be official with her.
I’m backing off the lawn still staring directly at her. “The police
will be in touch, along with my lawyers and possibly my father. The only
one you should be terrified of is the last person I mentioned.” I laugh at her
once again. Her face is priceless. I know I was a bitch, but you’ve got to be
one to beat one at their game.
After a certain distance, I stop and look over at Nick, who has a
slight smirk on his face. I turn back to Maya and shout, “Oh, and another
thing. He’s not yours, Maya. Never was and never will be, so you can
fucking forget about that one. So, stay the hell away from us, Haley and TJ
included. I’ll be filing a restraining order against you.” I walk back down
the street mumbling “Stupid clingy hoe” to myself, and I feel a hand grip
mine. I intertwine my fingers together with Nick’s.
 “That was hot—really hot,” he whispers to me and I smile, a little
glad I got that all of that off my chest. I feel so good. Maybe my words
were a little harsh, but I think it needed to be known that I don’t like being
punched around.
“Was it too much?” I ask him softly.
“Are you fucking kidding me? That was epic! When you went all
‘Don’t fuck with me! I’m a Steel!’ That was so cool! It made me want to be
a Steel!” Haley laughs beside me. It feels weird to have her on my side
again. But is it short lived?
As if she knows what I’m thinking, she backs away from me and
walks next to TJ. I look up to him and he mouths, “Give her time.” I nod
back in understanding and rest my head on Nick’s arm, feeling so drained
by all of this. I just wish my relationship with Haley could back to normal,
but I understand why she’s mad at me. But she has to understand that it’s
not like that between me and Nick. We like each other, but she’s feeling
hurt because she thinks I don’t want to be friends with her. I do.
I actually miss her already.
“I wish I said that shit to her. Stupid bitch,” Haley mumbles to a
laughing TJ. Hearing them kissing makes me smile, but Nick squeezes my
hand. I wrap my other hand around him, taking his attention away from his
best friend and sister making out behind us.
“You need to talk to her, Nick,” I say lowly so only we can hear
my voice. He sighs, staring back down at me. I know he’s agreeing with
me; they need to talk this out. He needs to accept that they have both fallen
for each other and can’t help it. They are really sweet together too. I just
wish she was accepting about whatever is happening between me and her
brother.
“Don’t give me those eyes, Carter.” He laughs a little, knowing
that he’ll give in to my puppy eyes. It always worked on my dad and
brothers. I keep looking at him like that. He starts to laugh and look away.
“Stop!” he bellows with a huge contagious grin and wraps an arm around
my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.
“Stop what? I’m not doing anything,” I tease him and he laughs
once more, showing off his pearly set of white teeth. He rolls his eyes at me
and leans down.
 “Not yet, I need it to soak in a little more. That shit is still weird,”
he whispers before kissing me on my own lips. I smile into the kiss and
peck him back. I appreciate that he’s trying with this entire thing. It was a
huge shock to him. I get why he is so protective of his sister, but they both
need to realize that we’re all in the same situation. I just hope they both
come around in time.
We’re all walking back towards the campus, and I feel so much
lighter after getting that fire off my chest. It needed to be said; she needed
to be put back inside her little box. If I wasn’t going to do it, then another
girl definitely would have. She’s rotten to the core.
I most certainly don’t regret what I said, maybe I shouldn’t have
used my name to state a point to not push me to my limits, but it was the
heat of the moment. It just flew out of my mouth and I can’t take it back. I
was so mad at what she did to my car.
When we finally reach it again, there’s nobody around my
unrecognizable car anymore. I stand there and stare at it with Nick while
the other two walk inside the dorm building, leaving us alone.
“I’ll call the dealership tomorrow morning if you want? I’ll tell
them to fix it for you,” he consoles me, and I smile at how nice he’s been to
me throughout all of this mess. I just ridiculed his psycho, clingy ex—or
whatever she is—and he’s super chilled with it. I lean my head against him
and he slings his arm across my shoulder, making me press closer to his
body.
“Thank you, Nick,” I whisper to him and he presses his lips on my
head to comfort me.
“You know I’m here for you, right?” I nod back at the question,
one I know the answer to in a heartbeat. I know he’ll be there for me.
“I need to call my parents though. They need to know about this
so they can organise the down payment to fix my car. I don’t have enough
in my account at the moment.” He nods and we stay outside while I make
this dreaded phone call. My dad will flip his shit once he hears about it. So,
I fish out my phone from my pocket and start to dial the number I’ve been
told to know off by heart.
Ringing and waiting has me antsy, until it suddenly stops and I’m
met with a, “Hi, Carter, honey! How are you feeling?” His tone is always
light and cheerful when I call him. He’s my dad, I’m so close with him that
I can tell him anything; except about guys. He can’t handle that topic.
“Hey, Dad! I’m good . . . well . . . sort of.” I back track my words.
I’m not really that good after what happened, and I can’t lie to my dad.
“What’s wrong? What happened? Is it that Jackson kid again? Or
is it the other one now?” He panics slightly. I hear some whistles in the
background, knowing he’s at work, but he always takes my calls unless he’s
extremely busy.
“No, it’s not them, don’t worry.” I smile at Nick, who now knows
I’m talking about him. He sends a weak yet encouraging smile my way.
“It’s just, well . . . my car got vandalized today, and I need it fixed-”
“Vandalized?!” he roars, and I flinch at my phone taking it away
from my ear. “What do you mean it’s been vandalized, Carter?” he squeaks
out. I know he’s not happy at all. “What happened?” he continues his
twenty-one questions at me.
“Well, I think I know who did it? I asked for the security tapes
and they told me I have to fill out a form to get them. I’ve taken pictures of
my car—” he cuts me off in a rage now.
“Send me on those pictures right now, sweetheart!” I can hear him
grinding down his molars while talking to me. I flick through my phone and
send him one of the pictures that I took today. One after the other, I can hear
him huff after each one. “Jesus Christ, honey, were you in the car when it
happened? Or near the car? Are you okay?” He’s worried, and I can hear
the defeated tone in his voice because he’s not here to handle it.
“No, I wasn’t in or near the car when it happened, Dad. I’m okay,
just a little annoyed that it happened,” I assure him that I’m in one piece.
“You need to go to the cops about this, honey. They won’t get
away with it. I’m not standing for that. I will make some calls too. To
ensure they get the maximum punishment they can get . . . I’m sorry this
happened, baby girl. I’ll come down and sort this all out for you.” I can hear
him panting. I know he’s going home to tell my mom about this. I know
they’re going to get on the next flight to come see if I’m okay.
“You don’t need to come down here, Dad, I’m fine. I just want it
fixed so I want to move on from it” I tell him not to worry about coming
down to see me or the car; it’ll just anger him even more.
 “You said you think you know who did it? Can I ask if this the
same girl who Jackson had a thing with?” he asks, still gritting his teeth,
and I snap my eyes up to meet Nick’s. I bite my lip nervously. If I confirm
that it is her, he’ll tell me to stay away from Nick. I can’t do that, I just can’t
bring myself to stay away from him.
“Yes, it’s her. I spoke with her too—”
“You what?!? Carter, what did you say?” he bellows back, in
disbelief that I spoke to Maya.
“I told her not to mess with me because I’m a Steel.” I grin at my
feet and hear Nick laugh beside me. I can almost see my dad smiling
through the phone like I know he is doing right now.
“You said that?” I chuckle at his proud tone.
I reply with a solid, “Yes, in so many words.” I roll my eyes back
and smile at the sky.
“That’s my girl! I’m proud you stood up for yourself, Carter. I’m
so proud of you, honey! But I’m coming down regardless of what you want.
I’m sorting this shit out. Nobody does that to my baby girl—”
“Her dad’s a detective, just so you know,” I inform him of what
Maya threatened me with. I know she wasn’t bluffing either, I could tell by
her stone cold stare that she wasn’t lying about her dad being a detective.
“I don’t give a shit if her father is the top judge in the Supreme
Court, Carter, she’ll get what’s coming to her. Was there anyone else
involved?” he promises me, and I bite my lip at how protective he’s being
over this. I love my dad with everything I’ve got because he’s done nothing
but protect me since the day I came into this world.
“I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think there’re two others
involved, but the tapes will show them. When I bluffed and called them out
on it, they looked guilty. I just need the security tapes, Dad—”
“I’ll handle that, honey, don’t you worry. I’ll call the dean right
now and tell him to take control of this. This cannot be happening on school
grounds, and it cannot happen to my daughter!” He’s assertive; he knows
what he has to do to get the justice for me. “Has she been bothering you
much, Carter?” he asks and I hear his door slam shut and the sound of an
igniting engine.
“She’s been bothering the both of us. Any chance she gets, she
does something to either me, Nick, or both of us. She just doesn’t take the
hint . . .” I shrug and look back over to Nick, who is walking around the car,
looking at different things, and taking the odd photo here and there of my
beaten up car.
“Say no more, I’ll handle all of this. You get yourself down to the
police station and press some charges. I’ll be there as soon as I can, honey,”
he orders me to get on this right away, and I couldn’t agree more. I need to
take a stand with this and with her. She needs to have herself put into place.
I’m sure her father will love hearing about this.
“Okay, Dad. Thank you. I love you!” I smile down at my feet,
thanking him for everything.
“I love you too, Carter. I’m going home to tell your mom about
this. We’ll be on the next flight for you, okay? Hold tight!” I smile and
thank him once more before hanging up and walking around the car myself.
I scan the scratched-up paint job, dents, and smashed windows. My entire
car is destroyed.
Poor Roxy.
I pat her hood then run my hand along the sheet metal.
“I’m sorry this happened, Carter.” Nick sighs around the other
side of the car where I can’t see him. I briskly walk over to him and see him
looking inside at the broken shards of glass acting as passengers in my car.
Making eye contact with me, I smile up at him and rest my open palm on
his cheek to show him it’s alright.
“You don’t need to apologize, Nick, it’s not your fault. How were
you meant to know she was going to do this?” I gesture towards my car. He
tries to speak again but I shake my head, stopping him. “Nick, seriously,
listen to me. This is not your fault. I don’t blame you at all.” I cup my hands
around his sharp jaw and neck, making him focus on me and not the car.
“Still, if it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have done it. I knew she
was crazy, but I didn’t realize the extent of it.” He sighs, stepping forward
so our foreheads meet each other. “I’m sorry this happened to you, Carter.
You don’t need this added stress right now, especially after what happened
to you. You don’t deserves this, and I don’t want your health deteriorating
again. I can’t have that. I’ve only just got you back, I don’t want to lose you
again. It drove me insane when you didn’t speak to me, and I was terrified
that you weren’t going to get better. Out of all the girls I know”—I slightly
flinch at that and he knows because his two hands meet my face—“there’s
something about you, something that keeps pulling me back to you, and I
don’t know what it is.” He chuckles.
I smile up at him, because that’s exactly how I feel about him.
There’s something there between us, and neither of us know what it is or
what it means. But it’s there, and it has been there since the day we met.
“I know what you mean.” I grin, biting hard on my lower lip
because I don’t want to look clingy or weird. I lean in for another quick kiss
that we’ve both quickly become accustomed to doing so freely with one
another. We don’t hold back with each other because people know now.
Haley knows, more importantly. Not the way I wanted her to find out, but
she knows. “Would you mind bringing me to the police station? So I can
report this?” He nods, wrapping his bulging large arms around me for a
hug. I let him. He’s smells divine. My God, does he smell divine.
“Let’s go.” He takes my hand again and we start to walk back to
the guys’ house so he can drive me to the station to press the charges and
take my statement.
Despite what happened today, I feel really happy with him and his
endless support.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Little One

Nick
My phone has been ringing all morning. I know it’s Maya, she’s
been constantly on me since the whole car incident, which was entirely her
own fault. It has nothing to do with me, that’s between her and the Steels,
but I feel like she’s grovelling to me, hoping I can talk Carter into not
pressing charges against her. Which is not going to happen. She brought this
on herself. I didn’t think she’d stoop to this level of psycho, but she did, and
I’m backing away from her. I’m no longer putting myself in that position
again.
It has nothing to do with me, although I know I’m the reason
behind her smashing up Carter’s car. I’m staying out of it. I know Carter
doesn’t want me involved, even though I already am.
It’s exam season now, and the library, coffee shops, and
restaurants are full of college kids cramming for their tests; me being one of
them. Although I’m in my room, sulking about not being able to see Carter,
as pathetic as I sound. She’s been isolating herself so she can study for her
exams too. She fell behind, and now she has to make up for it. I’m itching
to text her right this second to find out what she’s doing.
I’m laying on my side with my book propped up on my stomach,
making it go up and down every time I breathe. I peer over to my phone,
hoping she magically morphs out of it and climbs on top of me.
I shake my head, trying to get myself to focus on my book, but
my eyes drift back to it. “Come on, Nick.” I focus back on to the book that’s
acting as I barrier between me and the phone sitting teasingly on my desk. I
can almost hear it whisper to me. Biting my lip, I take the risk to glance at it
once more.
 “That’s it.” That was the final straw. I give in and push myself off
the bed. I bulldoze my way through the clothes piled on the floor and snatch
it from the desk that I should be studying at. I start typing out a message
asking Carter where she is. I need to see her, just for a few minutes.

Carter: I’m not telling you, you should be studying ��

xx
Me: Oh come on!! Just for a few minutes. Pleeease xx

I beg her to tell me where she is. I want to see her so badly today.
It’s really fucking desperate. It’s like an itch she can only scratch when I’m
like this.

Carter: Nick, study. Now! xx

I can practically hear her chuckling at me. I smirk to my screen

knowing where she is now.

Me: You’re in the library, aren’t you? Xx

The fact that she didn’t reply confirmed that, that is where she is
right now. I’ll be there soon and surprise her. I grab my laptop, charger,
stationery, and notebooks then make my way towards the girl that I haven’t
stopped thinking about since our first meeting.
Finally grabbing my black Snapback, I bolt out the door. It’s hot
as hell outside for me, the sheen of cold sweat greeting my skin already.
Maybe wearing a black shirt wasn’t a good idea. It’s starting to cling to me;
like Maya. I laugh at that thought and proceed to make my way towards
Miss Steel. I have never been so obsessed over a girl in all my life, and I
can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing?
I’m walking by houses with Ole Miss’s flag perched on their
porch, some of them waving with the country’s flag. The people around
here are proud of the college and most likely went to college here.
The smell of freshly cut grass and the sound of sprinklers
surround my senses. I slip my earphones on and turn up the music as I make
my way towards the campus. Reaching the outskirts, I’m greeted with the
usual stares but avoid making eye contact them and proceed towards the
building. Cutting across the quad and nearing the building where the best
air conditioning system on campus is, I can see that there are lots of people
outside enjoying the sunshine and fresh air.
As I reach the doors people are coming in and out of, one girl
holds it open, knowing I’m coming inside. I thank her for holding it open
for me, but I know she can’t hear me; she has her earphones in and
continues her way towards the coffee shop inside. I start walking toward the
library. I don’t think I’ve been here since sophomore year?
I scan my card along the machine to allow entrance, the beep
signalling me to move through the barrier. I look at what floor she could be
on. Deciding I’ll start with the science floor, I make my way up the
escalators.
I will find you, Steel.

* * *

Carter
Nick: You’re in the library, aren’t you? Xx

How does he know that? It’s like he can read me without seeing
me. I hate that. I’m like an open book with him.
I smile at the message and put my phone back down onto the
table, Ignoring the excitement in my belly. There’s a part of me that wants
to see him, but the logical part of my brain is telling me that I need to study.
I’m playing soft guitar music to help me focus on studying for the
exams. My stress levels are through the roof, and I know it’s not good for
me right now. I need to get good results, I can’t afford to slip and disappoint
my parents. I don’t want to upset them, I’m the only one that didn’t get a
scholarship. Austin and Chris did, they had to pay for me, and I don’t want
to let them down.
I flick back and forth through past papers that I’ve done for the
module and decide now is the time to actually understand it all. Minutes go
by, and I already feel like I need a break from all of this.
 I look up in front of me, sighing heavily and slightly panicking at
how I’m going to remember all of this. Then, I notice there’s a lot of
movement on my floor. Looking around, I see some cheeks blushing and
some girls fixing their hair and applying lip gloss. Some girls are pulling
their tops down ever so slightly to get their assets out. Just from the look of
lust in their eyes, I know one thing for sure: There’s a hot guy on our floor.
I watch all the girls stare at said hot guy behind me. I look over at
Kevin, who’s sitting beside me. His hoody sitting lazily on his upper body
as he takes notice of all eyes on someone else. He shakes his head with a
chuckle and looks over his shoulder to see who they’re staring at. His eyes
widen and sits up straighter in a flash, so I swivel in my seat to see who it is
that everyone is looking at.
The blond hair, the denim blue jeans wrapped around those
muscular thighs and calves, the tight black shirt showcasing his deliciously
toned stomach muscles and pecks. I suddenly feel my mouth water at the
sight of Nick standing there looking like a dreamy Greek god in his sexy
cap. He looks so sexy. Along with every girl on this floor, I’m under his
spell.
I think he’s trying to look around for someone. Craning his neck
to find this person, he finally meets my eyes and we lock stares. He smirks
and walks over to me, and I feel really hot all of a sudden. Knowing that
I’m the person he’s looking for, I feel the attention from people as he
bulldozes past them to get to me. The hot flush gets worse and worse with
each step he takes. Closing the distance between us, I forget how to breathe.
Sweet Jesus, he looks so freaking hot right now. How can anyone
be that good looking? With that thought, I start looking around the large
table and then notice that there are no free seats around me. Every one of
them have been taken. I don’t know where he’ll sit.
Stopping in his tracks beside me, he bends down and speaks to the
guys sitting next to me. I can’t hear what he’s saying, so I lift my
headphones off. Once I do, the guy starts gathering his things, laughing and
smiling back down at me. I bite my lip and furrows my brows at him,
wondering what Nick had said. He pats him on the back when he walks
away and waves at Nick, shaking his head once more and leaving to find
another spot.
I’m so confused. What just happened?
 Nick then pulls the chair out from beside me and plonks himself
down on it. Leaning over, he gives me a kiss on the cheek. I immediately
blush at all the stares we’re getting. I know a lot of girls are watching us
with their mouths hanging open, ready to catch flies. I start to hide my face
from everyone because I’m so shocked that he did that in public. I can feel
their eyes watch my every move, like a hawk watching its prey.
I forget just how popular Nick really is on campus sometimes.
Then I’m reminded when someone speaks to him or looks at him like he’s
the golden ticket; especially the girls of the college, the older ones that he
“knows.” Every time I see him talking to a girl, I know what their intentions
are and they don’t care about any other girl that gets in the way of that. All
they want is to be that girl who gets the popular guy to fall for them. The
girl who ends up getting married to an NFL player. The girl who gets the
guy to change from being a player to being loyal.
I see the weighted lust in their eyes; it’s as clear as day. Sure, Nick
looks like a model all of the time, sure he plays football for the college and
can get into the NFL no problem; but none of them know him like I do.
He’s sweet, kind, funny, and very considerate. He’s not what I thought he’d
be when I first met him. I thought he was going to be this rude and arrogant
asshole who never gave a crap about girls or their feelings.
Enjoying my embarrassment, he leans in again, capturing my lips
this time. “I missed these lips,” he whispers huskily making a sharp shiver
run up my spine.
“This is the library,” Kevin scolds mildly.
Nick leans forward, resting his elbow on the desk in front of us.
“Then shouldn’t you be studying?” Nick quips, unimpressed by the
intrusion. Silence surrounds us once again. Nick goes back to focus on me
and I smile at him, which makes him plaster the grin he walked in with
back onto his face. I get butterflies at the thought of him smiling just
because I am. God, he looks so dreamy right now.
“What did you say to that guy?” I point at the direction he left in
and Nick smiles again, larger than ever. Now, I definitely want to know.
“I told him if he moved I’d hook him up with the head
cheerleader.” I bury my face into my hands, laughing at his wild
proposition. I’m now trying to keep the chuckles to a minimum since we
are in the library after all. “What? It was a really good proposition. I have
the means to make that happen for the kid. He knows it, too, that’s why he
let me have this seat.” He places his face into the crook of my neck, and I
laugh again thanks to the ticklish feeling. I lean my head onto his shoulders,
still laughing at the deal he made.
“Are you a pimp or something?” I tease him and he starts to laugh
himself. I can feel his breathy chuckles on my neck. Hot and humid, just
like the weather outside today. Then he kisses the skin, effectively shutting
me up.
“I only use the power I have when it comes to you, Steel. Nobody
else.” He then leans back to kiss my forehead. I love when he does that to
me. I feel the warmth of his lips and breath encase me into a huge hug. He’s
like a warm, fluffy cloud that wraps me up and holds me tight.
Waking up in his arms felt amazing. Him holding me full stop felt
amazing. It’s something I’ve been craving ever since I woke up next to him.
The rush of warmth from him is something that I’ve come to enjoy and
quickly have become addicted to. Who wouldn’t become addicted to Nick
Jackson’s arms around you while you fall asleep next to him?
But it’s time to focus back on my study. I have to memorize all of
these terms. Once I do settle back into it, I hear him shuffle his chair closer
to me. I’m trying my hardest not to smile but my cheeks start to hurt
because I’m trying to keep my grin to myself. Once he’s finished, I feel his
hand on the back of my chair and his fingers brush my top. Tingles is an
understatement to what I’m feeling. I’m on fire right now. Dear Lord is his
hotness radiating into me, too bad it’s not being soaked up.
The pads of his fingers making circular motions on my back is
sending me into a trance like state. It’s so relaxing, I feel my eyes start to
drift a little. So, I start shaking to wake myself and my body back up. I need
to get back and focus on this. I have to learn these or I’ll fail, and I can’t fail
anything.
When I feel the table vibrate, I reach out to check my phone and
see my dad calling me. I smile and stand up to answer it, careful not to
disturb anyone. “It’s my dad, I’ll be right back,” I tell Nick and Kevin. I
walk out into the main area where people chat and take phone calls. Once I
reach it, I tap my phone to answer the call.
“Hey, Dad!” I beam. I can hear my parents down the line kissing.
Not exactly what you want to hear, so I cringe a little at them sucking faces
with each other.
“Hey, baby girl!” I can hear the southern accent coming out
slightly when he speaks. “We just landed here, your brothers came with us
too. We’ll be over soon. I take it you’re studying right now?” he asks me,
and I’m starting to get excited at the thought of seeing my family. This
semester has been really tough lately, and I’m trying to keep up in my
studies too.
“Yeah, I’m in the library with Nick and Kevin right now. I was in
early so I might leave soon enough. Maybe in the next hour or so?” I tilt my
head from side to side, weighing out the decision. But knowing me, I’d kill
to climb back into bed.
“Alright, honey. Well, whatever suits you. I’ve got some stuff to
sort out with your car and the cops, so we’ll be doing that. But afterwards,
we’ll come over to the dorm room with takeout. That sound good? I miss
my little girl,” he coos. I smile at the wall opposite me, knowing that I’ve
missed him so much too. He’s my rock, and I hate being away from him.
“I miss you too, Dad,” I whisper back.
“So, invite the guys and whoever else to come for food and we’ll
treat you all, because I know how hard you’ve been working this semester
and I’m so proud of you. Tonight is on us, alright?” I smile at the kind
proposition. My dad knows how much I enjoy my food, and it’s sweet to
know he’s comforting me with it. He knows me all too well.
“Okay, Dad! I can’t wait to see you guys! Tell everyone I said hi,
and tell Chris I have a batch of cookies for him at the apartment,” I inform
my dad and listen to him transfer the message to my older brother.
“YES! Now, I’m excited!” Chris bellows. He’s worse than me for
food, he’s like a vacuum.
“Alright, baby girl, we’ll see you soon! I love you,” he finishes
and I tell him I love him back. I end the call and walk back inside with the
biggest grin on my face. Nick is engrossed in his study but looks up at me
because I’m walking towards him. He smiles up at me and gives me his
famous, toothy smile that has all the girls around him swooning at him.
“Everything alright?” he asks me and I nod.
“Yeah, everything’s perfect. My dad asked if you both want to
come for food back at the dorm. It’s their treat. It’ll be at six or seven, I
think?” I propose to them both, and I see the pained look on Kevin’s face.
 “Shit . . . I have a group meeting to practice our presentation at
that time. I’m sorry Carter. Rain check?” I nod, letting him know it’s fine.
“Save some for me later.” he teases and I laugh.
“My two brothers are coming too. You’ll be getting nothing
because they’ll eat it all.” He chuckles and nods, understanding that my two
brothers are like horses. “You want to come?” I turn back to Nick, who is
already facing me. I didn’t realize how close he is until now. He’s a hair’s
breadth away from me.
“Definitely.” That cheeky grin on his face makes me grin too.
When he smiles, I smile; when he laughs, I laugh; when he’s angry, I’m
angry. It’s like a chain reaction between us. I awkwardly tuck a loose piece
of hair behind my ear. Both of Nick’s hands start to rub the outside of my
legs and my skin feels scorched from his touch.
He really is so stunning, and it takes me aback how a guy like him
is interested in a plain girl like me. “You’re so adorable,” Nick says, his
eyes flickering between mine. I purse my lips and try not to grin like an
idiot. “I hate to ruin our little staring contest, but we should study.” He
winks and we both get back into focus mode.
Two heavy study hours later, I feel myself slip into a state of
exhaustion. So, Nick and I decide it’s time to leave. I wave Kevin goodbye
and head out the main door to leave. We trudge our heavy feet down the
steps, and I text my dad to tell him that I’ve finished my study for the
afternoon. I have my laptop in my arm and my handbag on my shoulder.
“How’s the whole car situation? Has it been sorted out?” Nick
starts the conversation as we swipe out of the library barriers.
“My car has been fixed and is as good as new. My dad sent the
bill to the girl’s parents too.” I giggle at how much my dad went papa bear
on me. “I have to go to court after the holidays though. Once that’s settled, I
have to go back at get a restraining order against Maya, but my lawyer says
he might not get that over the line because there’s no physical proof other
than the car thing. Unless she messes up again in the meantime.” I shrug,
understanding that this system is so messed up. We can only do things when
it’s too late in this country.
“I’m sorry this has happened to you,” he says again. I glare at him
because for the past while he’s been apologizing like it was his fault. “Don’t
give me that look, Steel. I am to blame—”
 “You’re not to blame, Nick.” I take his arm in mine and rest my
chin on his upper bicep.
“I am, if I hadn’t introduced you two or if I hadn’t liked you so
fucking much, none of this would’ve happened.” I stop him and take his
waist to stare up at him.
“Nick Jackson, you listen to me and listen to me good!” His eyes
widen at my sudden change in mood. “You are not to blame for Maya
hating me just because I like you. You are not to blame for her going nuts
and taking it out on my car. You are not at fault here. She is, not you. Is that
clear?” I send him my best pointed look because I mean business. I watch
his head bounce up and down, telling me he understands me.
“You’re so sexy when you’re mad,” he blurts out and I roll my
eyes, thinking he’s such a guy sometimes. “No, for real, that was so hot.” I
drag him with me and he obeys.
“You’re such a guy,” I mumble to myself, still dragging him along
so we can get some food. I’m hungry right now and I need to fill my belly.
“Well duh!” I turn around to see him pointing down to his crotch,
making me laugh loudly. He shifts in my grip and interlocks our hands
together. “I think that really shows I am one, don’t you think?” I can hear
the teasing laced in his voice and he leans closer to me. “Come here, Steel.”
He yanks me back and I stumble into his chest. I look up to and see a guilty
look on his face. He knows he yanked too hard. “Sorry, I forgot how light
you actually are.” I slap his chest playfully and feel his chest vibrate against
my face. “You can’t hurt me, Carter,” he says patronizingly to me, and I
smirk at him.
“Unless I walk away . . .” I tease.
“Yeah . . . don’t do that. Nobody wants that.” He rapidly shakes
his head, a little scared that I actually will. I won’t, you’ll have to drag me
away kicking and screaming for me to walk away from him, or he’ll have to
ask me to. I’m just so drawn to him.
Engulfing me in a big hug, I sigh at the feeling. He’s so cuddly. I
don’t want to move. Until my stomach starts to make mating calls to the
food upstairs that’s waiting for me to devour.
“Hungry?” he whispers to me, and I nod my head, rubbing against
his large chest. “Then let’s go and feed you. Come on, little one.” I slap his
arm for calling me that. “That’s my name for you now, little one!” He fist
pumps the air like he’s proud of himself.
“You’re not calling me ‘little one’!” I groan loudly as he holds the
door open for me as we walk into the building.
“Oh, I’m calling you ‘little one’! It’s my thing now!” He walks
into step with me as we press the button for the elevators and wait.
“Why ‘little one’?” I sigh just as the doors open to let us in. For
once, it’s just us in the elevator. Usually, there are a few girls around staring
at him, admiring him.
“There’s one of you and you’re little.” He shrugs like it’s the most
obvious thing in the world.
“I’m not that little.” I roll my eyes, laughing at the lack of logic
with that statement.
“You’re tiny; next to me, anyway. That makes you cute and little.”
He corners me in the elevator, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. I
immediately respond to it by wrapping both of my arms around his waist.
“Unless you’re wearing heels, then you gain a couple of inches. You should
wear heels, your butt looks cute in heels too.” He winks and I turn red hot
from that.
“Stop that!” I grill him when he pats my butt with his hand,
making it known he likes it. “My parents are just a few feet away.” I swat
his hand away from my backside.
“Makes it a little more exciting, little one.” He’s being so cheeky
right now, but I enjoy that about him. He’s always playful with me and it
warms me up.
“Little one . . .” I grunt to myself. Of all the names he could’ve
given me, he chose “little one.” We both walk down the hallway to see three
broad backs and a small woman between them.
“Dad!” I yell, allowing it to echo around the corridor.
“There she is!” He spins around and I walk a little faster towards
him. Once I get within distance, he crushes me in his arms. My dad was a
football player, so he still has his strength.
“Dad, you’re crushing me . . .” I whimper and I feel a chuckle
reverberate through his chest. My mom pulls me away from the bone
crusher.
“Sorry, baby girl—”
 “Baby girl! That’s it!” Nick interrupts my dad and we all stare at
him confused as to what the hell he’s talking about. “It’s either ‘little one’
or ‘baby girl,’ Carter. Take your pick,” he teases as he greets my mom.
“Baby girl is mine, boy! Nobody calls her that but me!” my dad
shouts at him, but then Nick starts to smile and nods.
“Little one it is then.” He winks at me and I go bright red. My
mom picks up on that and sends me a knowing look, one that reads “Fill me
in!”.
I put my key in the door and open it up for everyone, ignoring the
stare I’m getting from my mother. All of us see Danielle on the sofa; half
watching TV, half doing assignments. She cranes her neck around to see
who it is. She waves at us and sends us all a bright smile.
“Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Steel!” She sets her laptop down on the coffee
table and stands up in her shorts and thin top.
“Fuck me,” Chris whispers behind me, and I widen my eyes. Does
he have a thing for my roommate? I snap my head around to face my big
brother staring hard at Danielle in her outfit. My mom slaps him in the arm
taking him out of his trance. “Ow! Mom!” he yelps out to our birth giver.
“Where are your manners? Help me set the food out!” She warns
him to never use that kind of language when speaking about a girl or
woman. My mom drilled southern manners and hospitality into us all from
a young age. I look back over to Danielle staring at us all awkwardly,
twiddling at her fingers.
“You need any help, Mrs. Steel?” Danielle offers. My mom lights
up and nods, directing her over to the kitchen with my brothers holding all
of the food. It must’ve been pure torture for Chris to carry it and not be able
to eat it, but now that we’re inside we can finally eat.
We all join my family in the kitchen, taking the containers out of
the bags and setting them up. Danielle reaches up to grab the plates with the
help of a laughing Chris. All three of us are pretty small for the dorm, so we
all climb up to get stuff half of the time. The other half of the time, we get
the guys to help us out when they’re here. Like now.
I was about to open up the containers when I hear the door bust
open. I see Nick go stiff beside my dad and then make his way over to me.
Haley and TJ saunter into the room, following after Nick. There’s a tense
atmosphere right now and everyone can feel it.
 Everyone except for Chris. “Cooks, where are those cookies you
made?” he asks as he taps on my shoulder. It’s like the blind leading the
sightless with him.
I continue to lay out the food with my mom. She keeps making
side glances at me, wondering what happened.
“They’re in the oven.” I point at the stainless-steel oven the
college has provided for us.
“Are you guys joining the food fest? We ordered tons of takeout.
You’re more than welcome to sit with us,” my mom offers, although I know
Haley will refuse.
“That’s very kind of you, Mrs. Steel, but Haley and I are going
out tonight. I made reservations for the two us. If I’d have known earlier
that you guys were coming, I would’ve cancelled it.” TJ looks and sounds
like he feels bad for declining the offer. I can tell he was a little reluctant to
share that information with everyone. With Nick in particular, judging by
how tense his entire body is right now.
Haley watches her older brother bite his lip, trying not to say
anything. I know he wants to, from the murderous glare he’s sending his
best friend—or ex-best friend, as he likes to put it.
TJ is noticeably uncomfortable. I swirl around to meet Nick,
taking his arms in my hands and gently rubbing them to soothe him as best
as I can. Sending his gaze down to mine, they lock and I smile up at him.
His eyes start to soften as they meet mine and starts to nod to himself,
telling himself that it’s alright. He has so much emotion towards TJ and
Haley these days, but he keeps bottling it up. He doesn’t speak to him
anymore; when they train, they barely talk. He avoids him at all costs and
it’s sad to watch.
I can tell Haley and TJ are both really enamoured with each other.
They always hang out now, and they can’t stop smiling at one another. It’s
nice to see them both so happy with each other.
“Don’t worry about that, it’s no problem at all. I hope you enjoy
your night!” my mom beams and clasps her hands hopefully together at the
thought of young love. My mom is the definition of a hopeless romantic.
“We will, thanks again! Bye everyone!” TJ waves at us, dragging
Haley back out the main door and leaving us back alone to our devices.
They only stopped by to put her bag in the dorm room.
 We continue to fill our plates with whatever food we want and we
all sit at the table, grabbing extra seats for my family. There is a small bit of
chatter at the table, but I notice how quiet Nick is.
Haley was the same when she came into the room. She was totally
silent but looked like she wanted to say something. When everyone is
heavily engrossed in a debate about the importance of a balanced diet, I
reach for Nick’s hand under the table and squeeze it in my hold, silently
asking if he’s okay. He squeezes mine back to indicate that he will be.
Hours rush by—feeling like minutes—and before you know it,
my family is leaving again.
“Could I talk to you three for a quick second?” Nick calls for my
dad and two brothers, who nod skeptically. I almost want to go outside with
them but my mom holds me back inside.
“Let the boys talk, sweetheart.” She winks softly, allowing the
guys to have their moment outside the door. Oh, how I wish I could be a fly
on the wall. “You girls help me clean up here so we can get it over and done
with . . . and also so you can fill me in on you and Nick!” my mom quietly
squeals, causing Danielle to bounce a little. Once the door shuts, I spin
around to face both of them, readying myself for my rant of confusion.
“Okay, so, well, I made up with him and we kissed. Like a lot, and
he admitted to liking me. And I like him back . . . But it’s caused so much
tension between us and TJ and Haley. Like, TJ and I are only talking every
once in a while. I went to the last game, and Haley wouldn’t even sit next to
me . . . It’s all way past shit hitting the fan, Mom, and I don’t know what do
to? How do I fix this?” I beg for some advice from either of them. I’m so
crap with this stuff. To be fair, I’ve never been in this type of drama before,
so of course I have zero clue what I need to do about it.
“Okay, Carter, breathe, honey.” My mom laughs at my panic filled
rant. “That really isn’t up to you, though? I mean, you could talk to
everyone but they have to make the effort too. Look, sweetheart, I’m glad
you and Nick are back on track, but you haven’t done anything wrong. You
like each other, and if Haley doesn’t agree with it then that’s on her, not
you. You can’t beat yourself up about it. It sounds like Nick and Haley need
to talk this out for themselves; without you and TJ in the room. They need
to realize that these are feelings on the line, and neither of you can help it.”
My mom should be a relationship expert with the advice she gives.
 “Can you, like, adopt me or something?” Danielle stares at my
mom with love hearts practically in her eyes. We both start to laugh at her
demeanour. “That shit was on point, Mrs. Steel!” Danielle high fives her.
My mom pats herself on the back, knowing she’s done a solid job with
giving me great advice.
She’s right, this is between Nick and Haley. They need to talk this
out between them. They need to clear this up, and they need to accept it. It’s
out of mine and TJ’s hands now, the ball is in their court.
Once we’ve agreed that this is the tactic I will take, there is a
knock on the door. My mom opens it up to be greeted by my smiling dad.
Why on earth is he smiling like that?
“Alright, girls, we’d best be off! Goodnight, and we’ll see you
tomorrow! Maybe.” My mom waves us off, dragging my dad out of the
room in heartbeat. I know she wants to find out what the four of them were
talking about. And because I’m my mother’s daughter, so do I.
“ ’Night.” The three of us say in unison as the door shuts closed,
leaving the three of us staring at the wooden door.
“Alright, so I’m going to hit the sack! I’m beat and my food baby
is making me sleepy. ’Night, you guys!” Danielle waves at Nick but winks
at me, knowing she’s referring to our quick girl conversation, all while
patting her stomach in the process like she actually has a small baby in
there. We both say good night to her. As soon as the door to her room shuts
closed, I ask the question I can’t hold back.
“Why did you talk to my brothers and Dad?” He starts to laugh
uncontrollably at me, clutching the sides of his stomach.
“Wow, your dad was right! I thought you’d give me at least five
more minutes before you hounded me with that question!” He chuckles,
wiping his eye a little. I stand there and wait for an answer. I want to know
what they were talking about. If it’s something to do with me, then I want to
know.
“Well, are you going to tell me?” I shimmy up to him, wearing my
best puppy dog eyes that always works on my dad and brothers.
“You know, I hate it when you give me that face,” he groans,
looking upwards and then back to me to release a sigh. “It was about
football actually . . .” A bucket of ice cold water metaphorically pours over
me in an instant. I was hoping it was about me. I guess not.
 “Why couldn’t you ask it in front of us?” I question out loud.
Why did he go outside away from us to ask them?
“Well, it’s a little on the personal side, and I didn’t want you, your
mom, or Danielle hearing about it. They’re guys, so they understand what
I’m talking about.” He shrugs hugging me to his rock hard chest. I can see
the uneasiness etched into his face. Either he’s lying or keeping something
from me, I’m just not sure which one it is.
“That’s it?” I ask him as I lean away from his hold to try to read
him. He’s so difficult to read sometimes, I can’t tell what he’s thinking half
of the time. And there’s the way his eyes are darting around the room,
almost like he’s looking for an escape. He’s up to something, I can see it in
his eyes. He’s refusing to make eye contact with me. The shallow breaths
are a good indicator that he’s nervous about something.
I quirk my brow at him silently, saying there’s not a chance in hell
I believe him.
“Yep, that’s it . . . Well, that and I asked for their permission to
take you out on a date.” Dropping that bombshell made me freeze entirely
on the spot. I look up to him and feel my eyes widen and my brows ride
higher and higher towards heaven.
“What?” I scream.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
She Defended You

Nick
“So . . . I’ll take your silence as a no?”
I was afraid to ask the damn question to her father and brothers,
knowing that they’d give me such a hard time about it. I can safely say, they
threatened me all sorts of unthinkable things that I’m pretty sure are
categorized as torture techniques. I knew Carter meant a lot to them, but I
was misinformed by how much. I couldn’t help but blurt the entire question
out to them while they stared intensely back at me like I’ve all of a sudden
grown five heads in the space of five seconds.
Then, when they started to frown a little, I couldn’t stop talking. I
do that when I’m extremely nervous or get caught with something I most
certainly shouldn’t be doing. So, it was suffice to say, I looked like a
babbling idiot.
“Huh?” Carter asks me in a complete daze. She looks so adorable
right now, I’m starting to melt into the floor boards. Wow, I sound like such
a pussy right now.
“I said, I’ll take your silence as a no?” I repeat myself, feeling so
embarrassed and ashamed that the first girl I’ve asked out has said no to me.
Safe to say, I won’t be doing that again.
“Nick, I’m flattered, I really am, but I don’t want you asking for
the sake of it? Unless I mean something to you? I don’t want to get hurt
again . . .” She runs her hands through her hair with a pained expression on
her face.
I know she’s remembering all those times she was asked out by
those other assholes. Those assholes that have allowed me to pick back up
the pieces. Those assholes are the reason as to why she’s so unsure with me
right now, and I get why. But I want to show her I’m different. I know I
have a track record of bedding an unspeakable amount of girls in my life,
but I want to prove that there’s more to me than meets the eye.
“I promise, Carter, I won’t hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I
may do some stupid shit, but what guy doesn’t these days?” She giggles up
at me as I hold her flush with my body. The way she feels against me is
calming all doubts in my mind about this entire thing. “I’m not like those
guys, Carter. If I’m good enough to make a career out of football, then so be
it. If I’m not, then thank fuck I studied for my degree like my mom told me
to.” We laugh, knowing how true that statement was. My mother had drilled
me and Haley into getting a degree first before anything else, especially
over football. There were no negotiations with her on that. I remember her
words exactly to this day.
“If you want to go pro, you get a degree first. Even if I have to
beat it into you, Nicholas.”
My dad, on the other hand, would’ve wanted me to turn pro after
high school and focus solely on football. If he had his way, I’d be pro right
now. But I knew my mom was right, so I chose to sign the contract for Ole
Miss and play as the starting quarterback. Best decision of my life, because
I met this girl by coming here.
“I know you’ll make it, Nick. You’re so talented.” Those words
put an even bigger smile on my face, knowing I have her support. Like a
total idiot, I can’t stop smiling at this beautiful girl in front of me. She’s so
perfect, it’s insane. The way she supports the people around her is such a
beautiful thing, she’s not the type to talk someone down in order to get
ahead in life. She’s the type to help them achieve what they want, even
when she gets nothing from it. She’s that girl.
“It means a lot coming from you. Not because you’re a Steel, but
because it’s you.” I lean down to capture her lips with mine and sigh at the
feeling. All throughout dinner, I just want to sit on the sofa with her and
hold her in my arms while we watch TV. That’s all I want. Maybe a make
out session here and there? But I just want to be with her.
“So, do I get a chance to take you out? I should warn you, though,
this is the first time I’ve ever asked a girl out, so I don’t know how this
works? Judging on how I asked you, you should have pretty low
expectations of the date.” I finally said the d-word, and it’s not dick.
Date.
 If she says yes, I will be taking her on a date. The first date I’ve
ever been on in my life. The electric surge of anticipating her answer is
sending my nerves into excited overdrive; I can’t handle this.
Please, say yes.
Feeling her laugh against my lips, she finally stops, and I wait for
the yes or no that will come out of her mouth. Oh God, please say yes.
“I’ll give you a chance. So, yeah.” I watch her cheeks turn a
bright crimson red with a bite of her lower lip, and I start to do a happy
dance in her living room. I look like one of those dads embarrassing their
kids in front of their friends at a birthday party but I don’t care. She said
yes!
“FUCK YEAH!” I fist pump the air above me and she laughs at
my reaction. “Okay, so I know it’s not the most perfect time to ask you out,
but I had to take the opportunity since your family is here. Your dad came
to visit our house and lectured us on asking the father of the girl we’d like
to ask out, so I took the opportunity. But when exams are finished and you
come back to college after the holidays, the first day back, I will take you
out! I promise,” I tell her that. I won’t be able to take her out over the exam
period, but I will afterwards. I don’t need her stressing about the date and
her exams all at the same time. Her exams are her main focus, and I respect
that, but I’m also dying to take her out.
Alright, dying is an understatement.
“Okay.” She bites down on her lower lip again and I groan at the
sight. I clench my jaw at the thought of any possible action with her. Her
soft touch on my skin. Me kissing her all over—STOP! Not now, Nick. Not
now.
“Okay.” I motion back at her like a kid on Christmas morning.
“Okay,” I repeat, feeling on cloud fucking nine because she said yes. She
actually said yes. She can’t back out now, I’ve got her in my hold.
All mine.
“Okay, so I’m going to leave you now and start planning this. I’m
not messing this up.” I grab my things on the table beside the door where
Mrs. Steel had put them to make room at the dining table.
“Right now?” she asks.
“Why? Is it too soon?” I reply back, unsure at what she’s really
implying. I don’t want to look weird if she thinks it’s far too soon to be
planning this, but I’m just so thrilled right now.
“No, no! I don’t think I’ve known a guy this eager or organized
about a date before? Especially with me . . .” She laughs and nervously
hands me my charger that had fallen onto the floor.
“Is it a bad thing?” I ask slowly, trying to figure out where this
going? Did I do something wrong already?
“No, it’s very sweet of you.” She blushes again and starts to smile.
I’m smiling so hard, my cheeks are aching. I know I probably look like I’m
high or something right now.
“I’ll take that!” I say. She giggles as ushers me towards the door
and holds it open for me. I turn on my heel to once again face her. “Can I
get a kiss goodbye?” She leans up on her toes to reach me and pulls me
down for a mind-blowing kiss once again. Once she pulls away, I still have
my eyes closed trying to restart my body’s beat. “Wow,” I mumble to
myself.
“Bye, Nick,” she says, stroking my neck and making my eyes
shoot open to stare back at her.
“Bye, Carter, sleep well. Try not to dream about me too much.” I
wink at her, making her roll her eyes with a small laugh. I know I’ll be
dreaming about you. We wave each other off as she shuts the door. I’m still
smiling like a guy high on crack but stop once I hear her squeal down the
hallway. I chuckle to myself in the corridor.
I certainly can’t help the grin on my face once I know she’s
excited about this. Smiling to myself, I make my way back home alone in
the darkness. She’s into this date, and I couldn’t be any happier.

* * *

“Haley, put the leftovers in the tupperware on the counter!

NOW!” Listening to my mom yell at my younger sister gives me so much
satisfaction that it’s not me. My dad even knows I’m smiling because of
this. Serves her little ass right for snapping at me the entire day. She’s done
nothing but moan about me and pitching sly digs in the process. Not just
today, but ever since she found out about me and Carter.
Ellie is sitting on my lap watching Christmas movies with me and
Dad, dozing off to sleep every now and then. The entire day yesterday, Ellie
kept asking me if she could talk to Carter. She even texted her from my
phone, asking what she was doing. Last night, when I called her, she stole
my phone, ran back to her room, sat on her bed, and listened to her tell a
story. I had to wait until she fell asleep so I could go back to talking with
her.
Little nightmare.
Ellie does this thing with her hands when she falls asleep. Her
fingers make circles and pulls on your hands so she can relax. My hands are
huge compared to her, so it’s quite funny to see her tiny fingers make rings
on my palm.
“You and your sister are in such foul moods lately. You’re both
not going through puberty again, are you?” my dad jokes with me. He’s
sitting on his own recliner and my mom sometimes sits on top of him.
When I think of them doing that, I immediately think of me and Carter
doing that. She cuddles up to me while I have my arms wrapped around her,
shielding her from the world and keeping her warm and cozy.
That would be the best Christmas present I could ask from her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m in a good mood,
except when Haley comes anywhere near me,” I grumble back at him.
“I swear, if she gives me any more attitude, I will be put up for
murder with my own daughter.” My mom storms into the room heading
straight towards my dad. Once she does reach him, as I predicted, she
climbs up on him and gives him his Christmas kiss, like always.
“Hi, baby,” my dad coos and rubs her back, going slightly lower
and making me very uncomfortable.
“Hi, honey.” My mom smiles back to her husband of many years,
feeling his wandering hands, and I try hold back from vomiting. “Seriously
though, Nick, what is with the two of you? You’re both fighting like cats
and dogs,” my mom asks directly to me. Knowing why we’re both at each
other’s throats, today being no exception, I simply shrug my shoulders. I
don’t want to go there. “Nicholas! Tell me right now or so help me God, I
will murder the both of you.” She glowers at me, and I can’t help but sigh at
her dramatics. Now I know where Haley gets it from.
“Haley and TJ have been getting together behind my back.” I try
to act nonchalant but it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
 “Define ‘getting together’.” My dad’s interest has gone up by one
hundred percent. It’s always like that when Haley gets involved with a guy.
My dad is worse than I am when it comes to my sister dating anyone.
“We’re dating, Dad.” She comes in with a bowl of popcorn in her
hand. TJ always comes over to see us on Christmas day for a movie and
popcorn. He’s like a second son to my parents, but now, it’s going to be
awkward.
“For how long? And why am I only being told this now?” he asks,
grinding his teeth and making Ellie stir on me.
“Finally!” my mom squeals, running over to her daughter for her
famous embrace.
“What?” my dad and I say simultaneously. She knew about it?
Then it comes flooding back to me when TJ asked me to talk to my mom
about it because she could see it from day one with the two of them.
“Oh, come on! Don’t tell me I was the only one who saw the way
he acted around her when y’all were growing up together?” my mom
mumbles into Haley’s shoulder, effectively making Haley scowl over to me.
I hide my hand from my dad and show her the finger just to piss her off.
“Well, I’m glad it’s him and not any other punk around here.” He
sighs and averts his attention back to the large screen on the wall.
“Am I the ONLY one here who thinks this is messed up?” I bark
at them all for supporting her on this. Fuck that! I’m not backing down from
this. Ellie stirs once again.
He chose her over our friendship, snaking around behind my back
to get into my sister’s pants. She’s pissed because I like her roommate, what
a fucking hypocrite.
“You can’t talk!” She snarls back at me and I sit up to challenge
her.
Hit me with it, sis, I fucking dare you.
“Okay, now I’m completely lost with this.” My mom’s hands
shoot up in surrender, dividing her attention between the both of us while
we glare at one another.
We get interrupted by the doorbell. Knowing it’s TJ, Haley rises
to her feet but my mom pushes her back onto the padding. “You two aren’t
going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on! George, get the door!”
My mom doesn’t even bother look away as my dad gets up from his seat to
welcome Haley’s new boyfriend into his second home. We can all hear the
greeting from both of them as they stroll into the room where there is so
much tension filling it.
“Hey, Linn.” TJ meanders through his obstacles to get to my
sister. Once he does, he leans down to kiss her on the lips. I scoff when see
that shit. I don’t even have Carter here to calm me down.
“Hi, sweetie! How was your day?” My mom changes her tone
into a more approachable one to her daughter’s boyfriend, but fling on his
end. She’s grinning like a Cheshire cat right now, and it’s seriously creeping
me out.
“It was fine. Couldn’t wait to leave the house though. I’ve got too
many people there right now . . .” Silence fills the room, and he starts
putting two and two together. I can’t even look at his stupid ass. “Should I
come back later?” he queries. My mom races to defense mode but Haley
got there first.
“No, no, TJ, you’re welcome in our home, you know that. Right,
Nick? Tell him he’s welcome in our home.” Haley pushes me over the edge
and I crack. I glare back at my annoying little sister, and I’m not talking
about Ellie; she’s more mature than Haley.
“You’re not welcome in our home, TJ. Fuck off.” I state calmly
but get a smack on the back of my head from my mom and a pillow to the
face by my sister.
“That’s it! Everyone in the kitchen! NOW! Except for my little
peach here. Honey, you stay asleep on the sofa,” she coos Ellie and takes
her from me so I can stand up and walk to the kitchen. With a kiss from our
mom, she falls back to sleep on the sofa alone.
Everyone follows me out and I stand with my back leaning
against the counter, my dad making his way around to me to stand next to
me. Trying to make me cower for using language like that in his own home.
The door to the living room closes shut and my mom saunters over to the
counter where I’m at. “So, come on? What is going on with you?” She
pushes, but I don’t look up from my feet. “Nick, answer me.” she sounds
more irritated than the last time. “Nick—” She gets interrupted by my big
mouth sister.
“He wants to bang my roommate.” My eyes snap up to her and
start making my way over to her to tell her she’s wrong—all wrong. But TJ
decides to step in and block me off.
“Move, TJ.” I get close to his face but my dad pulls me back to
stop myself from being riled up even more, dragging me away by my
shoulder. “You think that you’re the only one allowed to like someone,
Haley? Is that right? Nobody else can have the opportunity to take someone
out?” I smirk back because the look on her face tells me that she’s been
thinking about this entire thing, this thing between me and Carter.
“You asked her out?” TJ sounds astonished.
“You asked a girl out?” my dad roars over at me. Why is he so
mad?
“You asked her out!” My mom bounces up and down, excited that
I finally had the balls to ask a girl out on an actual date without regretting it.
Not even for a second would I regret it. I press my teeth together at how
excited my mom is. Even TJ is smiling. The only two sour pusses in the
room are Haley and my dad. I know the reason behind Haley, but I don’t
know why my dad is so unhappy.
“AND, because of you, I’ve lost a friend! AGAIN!” Haley
bellows at me, balling her small hands into fists. It’s almost comical.
“You chose to walk away from her, you idiot. Your fucking loss!”
Again, I get smacked on the back of my head, but this time by my dad. His
eyes are warning me to watch my language around ladies. I rub it, trying to
get that sting out.
“I didn’t have a choice, Nick! I’m not picking her up when you
decide to move on to another girl! I’m not going through that routine of her
never wanting to see or talk to me again because you decided you’re bored
of her!” Haley grinds her teeth almost down to her molars. She really takes
after my dad when she’s angry. Her right finger points at me and then pokes
the air after every point she makes, like my dad.
“That’s not going to happen,” I state confidently back to her,
shutting her up in an instant. It is so silent in the kitchen, you could hear a
pin drop. My dad storms out to the backyard where he starts to pace back
and forth on the lawn. Everyone watches him as he looks like he needs to
calm down.
Why in the holy hell is he pissed? This has fuck all to do with him!
“Nick, Haley, come sit for a moment. TJ, you go back inside, I’ll
get George.” My mom walks out to grab my dad and escorts him back into
the living room where TJ has run to.
Once they’re all inside, my mom strides back out and makes me
take the seat opposite to Haley. Sitting in the middle and acting as the
mediator, we all take a breather for a moment before she continues, “Look,
I can both see that you’re hurting about TJ and Haley”—she looks at me but
points to my sister—“and Nick and Carter”—she looks at Haley but points
to me—“but you both need to accept that this was your choice, Haley, and
your choice, Nick. I understand you’re hurt about losing a roommate and a
friend, Haley, but see it from her view. The same goes for you, Nick, see it
from TJ’s perspective. I can see that both you boys care deeply about them,
and the girls care about you both too.” She stands up to her full height and
starts to walk towards the living room once more. “Which is why I’m going
to leave you two to talk to each other so you can get it from your point of
views. No more fighting, please, it breaks my heart seeing you both like
this.” She looks at us both solemnly before she shuts the door behind her.
Now it’s just us two. Alone.

* * *

Haley
Nick is sitting across from me, silent and deadly. His demeanor
has me slowly pissing myself off. But I don’t want to speak first. This is all
his fault. He’s as quiet as a mouse and is shifting in his seat in front of me.
“I like her, Haley.” There it is. He caved first. “I like her a lot.” He
fiddles with the glass on the table, refusing to meet my stare. I start to
smile, not believing in his bullshit. It’s the same story, but different girl. I
feel bad for Carter, she actually thinks my brother will stay with her. “Wipe
that stupid smile off your face, Haley. I know what you’re thinking. I really
do like her.” I’m offended by his choice of words. That is not the way to get
me to approve of their little budding romance that will flop as soon as it
gets going.
“Is that what you keep telling her so you can get some?” I joke
but he doesn’t take it lightly at all. He slams the glass down on the table,
making me jump a little.
 “You can think what you fucking want, Haley, I don’t need your
goddamn signature of approval. I can date whoever I want to date. I can
date her for as long as I want. She’s the best thing that’s ever fucking
happened to me in a long time. So, you and your little fuck buddy can—”
“Don’t you dare, Nick! Don’t you dare! I love him! I have since I
was five! Don’t be such an asshole about it . . .” I sigh, trying to calm
myself down by releasing my fisted hands. “I know it’s stupid, but I do. I
can’t stop thinking about him. I just want to be with him all the time. He’s
like the other piece of me now.” I’m so frustrated at brother about this. He
can be such an inconsiderate asshole at the worst of times.
We’ve yet to talk about his latest conquest.
There’s something so different in the air when I’m with TJ. I fell
hard for him in the past, and had my heart broken too, but I’m so deep into
this with him, and I couldn’t be happier. I just wish my brother wouldn’t be
so hung up on it. I know it bothers, TJ, a lot. He wants his best friend back.
Wholly.
“You really love him?” He softens his tone, and I blink up at him.
Once I nod, he turns his head to the side and sighs. He stares out of the
glass doors to the cold and damp ground, weeds laced along the side of the
pathway. “Why him?” he asks, still not looking at me.
“I honestly don’t even know?” I chuckle to myself, defeated,
trying to figure that out myself. I shake my head and laugh about us and
how we’ve come full circle. “He was my very first kiss. My feelings for
him grew stronger each day I saw him come home with you from school.
When you both would play outside, I would catch myself just watching
him. I could’ve sat there and watched him all day. Then, as you both grew
up and became more interested in girls, I was left so broken hearted by him.
Watching all those girls fall for him, not truly knowing the TJ I know, it
broke me every time he was with a girl. But even after all that, I still
couldn’t stop loving him. It’s hard to stop when you’re up to your neck in it.
“But it’s my turn now, I get to be that girl that I was so jealous of.
I get to hold his hand, hug him, watch him play football . . . shirtless.” I
laugh at my brother’s grimacing face. “I can be that girl, but the difference
is, I know the real dorky TJ and not the smooth-talking charmer he was
with girls. Because even knowing he’s weird and nerdy, I still can’t stop
loving him . . . I never could.” I feel my eyes water up. I’m finally speaking
my true feelings to Nick, who has his hand resting under his chin and
propping up his head. I hold them back because I know he hates seeing me,
my mom, or Ellie cry. He’s never been a good comforter. It usually made us
laugh when he’d try, thus, cheering us up a little. “I’m so drawn to him
Nick, and I know it’s soon, but he’s the one for me . . . Well, on my end
anyway.” I look down at my fingers, rubbing them across the cold table.
“I never knew that’s how you felt, Haley . . .” There was a long
pause of silence between us. It’s long and dragged out, and it becomes
uncomfortable.
“It’s how I’ve always felt when it comes to him,” I whisper,
making eye contact with him. The next thing I feel is his hand take hold of
mine on the table.
Sighing deeply, he smacks his head onto the table, then bangs it
lightly again, making me smile, because I know exactly what he’s doing.
He’s giving into this. He’s allowing himself to accept it, accept that there’s
this strong connection between me and his best friend. Judging by his face,
I can tell he’s having an internal battle about it. It’s confirmed when he
bangs his head on the table again.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this . . .” he mumbles to the
wood. Before looking up at me, he sighs loudly once again and leans back
on his chair. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fucking weird . . . but I suppose
you guys can date. I suppose. I’ll come around to the idea of it . . .
eventually.” As if I sprinkled salt into his wounds, he scrunches up his face
and finally accepts it. “It’s still weird as fuck though . . . and I will beat the
shit out of him if he hurts you! I mean it . . .I won’t hold back, Haley, you
know this . . .” He points over the table at me and I nod, even though I
know that he won’t. He’s always been the best big brother to me, even now.
I still love him, regardless.
“Don’t I know . . . But please Nick, don’t let it affect your
friendship with him. He really misses hanging out with you. He misses
being with you,” I confess, I know TJ won’t say shit about missing him, but
I know he’s been down about not having him around like he used to. I can
tell. “He misses his best friend.” I’m trying to push him to go and speak to
TJ about all of this, to get his side too.
I know TJ tried talking to him that day when I stayed over at the
house and talked all night with him, but Nick just brushed him off and cut
ties with him. I could hear their conversation when they started to yell at
each other. TJ’s face really broke my heart. He doesn’t talk about it, but I
know he got beat hard by my brother verbally.
“I’ll have a talk with him, but right now, my main focus is to find
out why the hell you thought it was okay to talk to Carter that way at the
house. Even when she was helping TJ out, you still had the nerve to
degrade her. I wasn’t okay with that, Haley, and I could tell neither was TJ,
or her for that matter.” His brows furrow in a heartbeat when he mentioned
her name. He has never, in all my time of knowing my brother, defended a
girl. Ever.
“I thought she used me to get to you . . . and she was my
roommate; she went behind my back to get with you—” He holds up his
hand to stop me from talking.
“Let me stop you right there, what is it that you think we’ve done
exactly?” His tone is sharp. It’s weird to see him so passionate about
standing up for her. It’s making me realize, maybe that was not what I
thought it was originally?
“You fucked her and are going to move on?-” He starts to laugh
loudly. I know it’s not a humorous one, not by any stretch of my
imagination.
“Of course you did—” He shakes his head and leans back on his
elbows.
“Well, it’s a routine with you. How am I not meant to draw to that
conclusion? I just felt betrayed by you both . . .” I bite back because he’s
starting to annoy me again. He does this in every argument we have. He
gets smug and always thinks he’s in the right when it’s not always the case.
“And you didn’t even listen to her when she told you it’s not like
that between us! You fucking hurt her, Haley, you really hurt her. You know
she’s shy and always in her shell, for you to have said that you hoped the
sex was worth your friendship ending really annoyed me but completely
demeaned her. That was wrong, Haley, and you know it.”
“She stayed the night with you!” I yell back.
“So? You stayed with TJ! Have you guys fucked?” I hesitate and
he knows it.
“On second thoughts, don’t you even answer that. I sure as hell do
not need to know!” He shudders and the thought of me and TJ sleeping
together. We have, and it was amazing. I’m trying not to think about it
because this isn’t the time to be talking or thinking about TJ’s amazing
technique. “You really hurt her Haley,” he tells me softly like he’s wearing
her emotions. I hadn’t realized how badly I distressed her.
I was just so angry with the two of them. Seeing her straddling my
brothers lap and kissing him really pushed all the word vomit I know inside
of me out through my mouth.
“You know how sensitive she is, she’s been through enough, and
you slut shaming her didn’t help one bit! Danielle even agrees with me.” I
know she does, she tried to talk to me about it a few times but I always just
walked away from her and to TJ. “You keep saying that ‘It’s not like that
between us’ when you talk about you and TJ, well it’s the same for me and
Carter. I like her, I really fucking like her, Haley, so much that she’s driving
me insane because she’s constantly in my head twenty-four seven and I
can’t get her out . . .” He slumps back into the seat and stares up at the
ceiling like he’s trying to figure out something. I know one thing for sure
right now: he’s thinking about her.
“I thought I was used by her to get to you—” I stutter out.
“You know that’s not even remotely true, you know she’s not that
type of person, but I know that’s your defense mechanism with the girls I
messed around with. But you’re forgetting that she has that same
mechanism with her brothers. She knows what you were thinking and she
understood why you acted the way you did because she has been through
the exact same thing too, except with two older brothers and not one.
“She gets it, she’s so understanding and forgiving that it blows my
mind whenever I spoke bad about the way you reacted, she would defend it.
She defended you, Haley, when she didn’t have to.
“She values your friendship. She told me that she was amazed at
how easy you find it to talk to people, she was amazed that you even
considered her a friend, she was so amazed that you liked her enough to call
her your friend without knowing who her family is, or thinking she’s super
weird and walking away once you’ve gotten what you wanted from her.
“She gets why you’re reacting like this, and I truly respect that
about her, because I would’ve given you a piece of my mind if I was her.”
He exhales loudly.
 That entire speech shuts me up, and I start to feel bad about what
I’ve said. I knew I wasn’t nice to her, but I felt like it all needed to be said
in order to get my disapproval across.
“There’s something about her. I can’t put my finger on it, but
there’s something about her that makes me want to always be around her.
It’s like this force is pulling me to her . . .” I know exactly what he’s talking
about and this thought shakes me to my core, because that look in his eye is
the exact same one my dad gives to my mom when he tells her one thing
and one thing only.
My brother has fallen for my roommate, and he doesn’t even
realize it. The first ever girl he’s asked out in his entire life, and it’s my
roommate.
I watch him smile, knowing he’s thinking about her. He’s smitten
by her.
“Like you said, it’s weird when I see you both, so give me a little
time. Also, I’ll still be skeptical about it initially, but once I know there’s
something there, I won’t be . . . I want you to be happy, and if it’s with
Carter, then so be it.” I nod at him. My brother is so blind, he doesn’t even
know that he’s so smitten by her. Dumb idiot.
As long as it’s not Maya, I’m all good.
My roommate is the first girl my brother is taking on a date.
“Got it. Same goes for me . . . I’m still wary about TJ’s intentions,
but as long as he doesn’t mess with my little sister, I won’t have to hurt him
like I hurt Ryan for overstaying his welcome with Carter.” I suddenly
realize something.
“Is that why you and Ryan have been fighting? Because of her!” I
sit there, shocked by the confession, and watch his head nod,
acknowledging that I’ve all of a sudden linked it all together. They have
fought so much over her, and it all begins to make so much sense now.
“You really do like her . . .” I whisper what I thought was to myself, but I
see him nod again. Smiling at nothing but the table in front of him like the
total idiot he is, I watch him as he begins to think about her once again.
That subtle smile never leaves his face.
He then stands up on his feet and makes his way around the table
gesturing me to do the same. So, I push myself up onto my feet and stand
next to my abnormally tall brother and he engulfs me in a hug, and I give
him one back.
“I don’t want to fight with you, sis,” he whispers to me. I sigh, not
wanting to fight with him either. He’s my big brother, and I love him. I
always will love him.
“Me neither, Nick.” I hug him tight missing him so much.
“You know I’ve always got your back right?” I rub my cheek on
his chest up and down, telling him I know that already because we’re
family. I’ve got his back and he’s got mine. “And you have to apologize to
her about what you said. I know you didn’t mean it; I know you were just
upset, but Haley, don’t say shit like that again about her . . . or me, and I
won’t comment on your relationship with TJ,” he orders me, and I know
he’s right. I do need to apologize to Carter, that all the stuff I said just fell
out of my mouth. It was like word vomit that I couldn’t stop.
“Okay, I’ll talk to her when we’re back in college, and . . . I’m
sorry,” I apologize to him for being the way I was. I owe him that, but he
also owes me and TJ one.
“I’m sorry too, sis, I love you.” He squeezes me one last time then
lets me go.
“I love you too.” I smile up at him. We push the chairs back under
the table and make our way inside to our family, TJ included. Once the door
opens, everyone’s attention falls to the two of us, unsure of what went down
outside. Ellie is sleeping soundly on the sofa beside TJ, who is stroking her
hair. I can’t help the goofy smile on my face once I see him again. Hot guys
alone are my weakness, but hot guys that are amazing with kids takes the
cake. But Nick goes over and seats himself next to him.
“You hurt her, I hurt you . . . Got it?” TJ nods back and shakes his
hand. I melt at the look he gives me when he averts his attention back to
me, those beautiful hazel eyes shining at me, and I get that butterfly feeling
like always. My stomach and heart are doing flips out of sync with each
other every time he gives me that look.
“Hey, beautiful,” TJ whispers up to me. I immediately roll my
eyes and blush, smiling uncontrollably at his words. No matter what he says
to me, I blush. Every time. Right now, I know I look hideous, yet he thinks
I’m beautiful.
 “Hey, handsome.” I lean in to peck him lightly on the lips,
knowing that plenty of eyes are watching us, including Nick’s, who
scrunches up his nose in disapproval. We’ll have to take baby steps around
him.
I sit on the other side of TJ, lifting Ellie up slightly so she can fall
asleep on top of me. TJ’s hand moves from his lap to around my shoulders
to pull me closer to his body and kiss my head. I smile into the crook of his
neck. I’m happy that Nick didn’t move away from us, he sat there and
talked to him like normal as I just stared at TJ, who looks so happy to be
talking with Nick again.
God, I’m so deep with him.
This guy is the love of my life and he likes me back. I feel so
ecstatic right now. It’s Christmas day, and I have everyone I love around
me. I look around to my family who are so engrossed in watching The
Grinch, with Jim Carey, of course. All smiles and everyone happy.
Everyone except my dad.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Mine

Carter
“So, I’ll come around to the dorm and pick you up at around
seven? That cool?” Nick asks through the phone. The soft voice he once
had turned into a little nervous shake when he asked the question. It’s cute,
and I can tell he’s so nervous about tonight. It’s finally the day. My first
date with Nick, and Nick’s first ever date with any girl, and he has met a
few girls in his life.
I arrived back here yesterday. He, TJ, and Haley are coming back
today. They left an hour ago and will be here in a little while, but he called
me to check on me again. He did the same last night and early this morning.
He’s so adorable when he does that with me. It’s like he actually worries
about me
“That’s fine, yeah! Is there something in particular I should wear?
Like, should I be fancy or casual?” I ask, flicking though my laptop on
Netflix to watch something in the meantime. It’s four hours away until we
have our date. I’m so nervous right now. I don’t think I’ll be able to
concentrate until I’m getting ready or in his company. I have been on a
handful of dates, so I have a little more experience than him; only by a
little.
“It’s not really fancy, it’s not casual either; it’s a little in between.”
He laughs anxiously. I know he’s rubbing the back of his neck right now. I
can almost see him through the phone. I can see that withering smile on his
face when he’s thinking so hard about this entire thing. This could be the
worst date I’ve ever been on but I’d still be smiling because I’m with him.
We’re out together in each other’s company, and that’s all I want. Just me
and him with some alone time.
 “Okay . . . would jeans and a simple top be okay? It’s a little
chilly outside right now,” I ask him to make double sure that I’m on the
right track. I don’t want to be too over or under dressed. That would be
embarrassing.
“Perfect! You could literally wear anything and it would be
perfect,” he compliments me and I start to blush and smile like a crazy lady
on crack. I slap my hand over my face like he’s watching me in my room
and grin from ear to ear. “Are you blushing right now?” he teases me and I
groan.
“No,” I deny, but I very much am blushing right now. I can feel
the heat on my face growing hotter with every passing second.
“I don’t believe you. Not for even a second. I know you’re
blushing right now, Carter.” The truncated chuckle escaping his mouth
vibrates through the phone and down to my stomach, causing it to pinch in
excitement.
“Shut up!” I whine playfully at him. I try not to giggle at our little
play fight because I’m so giddy today. I’m so excited and nervous about
tonight, and I hope he still likes me after it. This is a make or break
situation in my eyes. Either he’ll still like me or won’t. The thought that he
might not like me afterwards is slowly bringing my mood down.
“Alright, I’m almost there. I’m about a half hour—forty-five
minutes away. I’ll come by and pick you up, so be ready at seven and wear
something comfortable,” he says to me and I listen to every single detail
he’s giving me so I’m not late or don’t wear anything ridiculous.
Got it.
“Okay, cool! I’ll be ready to go by then.” I smile to myself,
knowing he can’t see me right now, and I face palm myself. I’m doing such
stupid stuff today. This date has my mind all over the place right now. The
heart palpitations, the sweaty palms, the pacing around the living room that
I’m currently doing right now. I’m on edge about it all, but nothing I do is
stopping them.
We say goodbye to each other as I go back into my room and
throw my phone back onto my sheets. Once it hits the covers, I scream
incredulously because I still can’t believe this is actually happening right
now. I, Carter Steel, am the girl—the first ever girl—that Nick Jackson has
decided to take on a date. I’m the girl. Not Maya, not any other girl.
 Me.
“Okay, it’s time to unpack, Carter, so you actually have something
to wear tonight. I don’t think people would appreciate you walking into . . .
wherever you’re going, in your birthday suit.” I grimace at that
embarrassing thought. Once I calm myself down to a respectable level, I
continue to unpack and place my clothes that I wasn’t energetic enough to
do last night when I arrived back inside of my wardrobe and drawers like I
did last semester. Danielle and Haley should be back today too. I still am
not sure about Haley these days, we haven’t spoken to each other over the
break, but I can’t wait to see Danielle.
An hour passes, and I hear the front door open just as I’ve put my
toiletries in the bathroom. I’m silently hoping it’s Danielle, I don’t know
how awkward it’s going to be between me and Haley. I know she knows
that Nick is taking me out tonight, and I can only imagine how unhappy she
is about it. Bracing myself for a risk and reward, I poke my head out the
door and see a blonde hair dragging and kicking her bags in. I walk outside
and she sees me come into view.
“You need some help?” I ask her. She puffs her rosy-red cheeks
out and nods.
“Yes, please! I didn’t know the elevator’s broken, so I had to carry
these up myself. The boys left me because they knew I could take it and
didn’t know about the elevator. So annoying.” She rolls her eyes and I grin
at how normal she’s acting right now. No tension, just like the old times.
I’m not going to say anything to mess this all up right now. I’ll take baby
steps with her.
I reach over and hold the door open to allow her to tread inside
the dorm while I take the other suitcase she has outside and wheel it in to
help her out. When I enter back into the living room, I watch her open her
own door and slide the wheels of her case inside her room. I follow behind
her and do the same, stopping myself and the bag once I’m inside. It’s been
a while since I’ve been in here. It still smells like rose petals mixed with
honey.
“Thanks!” she says over her shoulder while she kicks one of the
bags and proceeds to open up the contents inside. I smile at her and push
the other bag towards her so she can do the same. “Um . . . Can we talk?”
those words were the only words that I’d never thought I’d ever hear her
say to me for the next few months.
Staring at her like a deer in headlights, I quickly realize I haven’t
said anything to her. So, I nod and watch her jump on the bed and pat the
space across from her. I do as I’m told because I don’t want our precarious
relationship to fall even more.
“So . . . I spoke to Nick over Christmas . . .” Haley begins, and I
can feel the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach at what she’s possibly
going to tell me. I’m a little unnerved by all of this right now, I don’t know
where to look. “He told me about you two . . . like how you met and stuff . .
. I know my brother can be stupid with girls, that’s why I got defensive with
you and him when I saw you both at the house. I know what he is . . . what
he was like . . .” She sighs and picks on the sleeve of her pastel-pink jumper
out of discomfort. “I just didn’t want to get hurt again, because I really do
like you, and I like being friends with you and Danielle. I haven’t had
friends like you two ever. The only girls who talk to me only do it to get to
Nick, and I thought that you did the same.”
“I promise, that’s not what I wanted to do, Haley, I swear,” I
interrupt her and defend myself.
“I know that now . . . I spoke to Nick about it and he told it from
your side . . . I get it. He really does like you.” I blush and look down at my
hands at Haley admitting this to me. I already know he likes me, he’s told
me before, but hearing it from his sister makes it real. He actually likes me.
Haley continues on with her speech, “What I’m trying to say is . .
. I’m sorry I said all those things to you. I didn’t mean them, I was just so
angry at the time, and I already have no filter.” I chuckle along with her,
and we end up sitting silently and smiling at each other. “I forgot that you
know what it feels like to suddenly be pushed aside by someone so they can
get to your brother . . . or brothers in your case. I realize that you had it
twice as bad as I did, and I didn’t think about that.” I nod back, appreciating
that she sees it from my perspective now. I never meant for all of this to
happen.
“I’m sorry you had to find it out that way. I would’ve rather told
you about it, but I didn’t know what was even happening between us. It’s all
so new to me. We didn’t want to hurt you. It was never my intention to hurt
you, Haley. We got so caught up in each other and I couldn’t help myself.” I
bite the inside of my cheek, hoping she doesn’t take it the wrong way right
now.
I like her brother, she needed to know that, but not the way that it
played out. It wasn’t really fair to her. I get why she snapped, I was on top
of him and kissing him. It wasn’t exactly a welcoming sight for her.
But I do really like him. So, I finally tell her, “I like Nick, a lot . . .
too much, actually.” I laugh. God, I sound so desperate right now, it’s sad.
“I’m sure you understand what I mean.” I watch her head nod, making her
blonde strands bounce.
“Look, it’s going to take time until I’m used to seeing you both
together . . . but I promise I won’t make any comments. I hope we can go
back to being friends though? I kind of miss you.” She tilts her head while
scrunching her pretty face up making me laugh again.
“I would like that, Haley! I would like that a lot, I’ve missed you
too. I miss you dolling me up so I can look decent, but I miss our talks.
Even when I’m with Danielle, I miss us all sleeping in the same bed with
each other.” I hug her tight and she responds with that same squeeze, letting
me know that she feels the same.
“We should do it tomorrow night, but only in your bed; it’s by far
the comfiest!” She throws her body back on her mattress and spreads her
arms out to stretch.
“Deal! I’ll make the food too.” She grins knowing that what I’ll
cook will put a smile on both her and Danielle’s faces. It always does. “But
right now, I need to shower and get ready for this date tonight . . .” I panic a
little when I look at the time on my phone. I have an hour and a half to get
ready. Time flies by quickly between unpacking and talking to Haley.
“You do that, you’re running low on time at the moment.” She
shoos me out the door and towards the bathroom. She starts the shower up
and I grab my towel that’s on the back of the door and place it on the
heating rack for when I step out.
It only took me roughly twenty minutes to shower, wash, and
shave my body. I walk out to my room and see Danielle lying on my bed on
her phone.
“That was quick!” She stands up to give me a hug and I do the
same despite being all wet.
 “I was in there for twenty minutes, I think?” I shrug, not really
knowing how long I really spent in the shower. Normally, I’m all good to
go if I think I smell fine and I’m shiny and smooth. I’m still not done, I
need to get dressed and do my hair and makeup for tonight. Which I have
no idea how to. I’m so bad at this stuff. I haven’t worn makeup in a long
time. I shouldn’t even be a girl, I’m so crap at it.
“Sit down, I’ll do your hair and makeup.” Haley stalks back in
and dives on Danielle, who bellows out an outrageous laugh into the open
space. I sit on the chair in front of the mirror as she brings in her suitcase of
beauty products and hair tools. I’m reminded of the night I sat just like this,
when she did my makeup for when I was going to the gala for my dad; the
night Nick found out who I am—who I really am.
It’s all coming back to me now. Compared to back then, where we
are now is amazing. If you told me that I was going to be taken on a date by
Nick, I probably would’ve fainted.
Instruction after instruction, I listen to Haley as she tells us about
what’s happening to her and TJ and how much she’s loving the fact that
she’s now the girl he’s dating. However, she said that he hasn’t officially
asked her to be his girlfriend yet and I can tell that it’s slightly bothering
her.
I can hear that sigh leave her mouth. I know she’s not sure what to
do about it. I don’t envy her. Right now, it sounds like she’s in a limbo with
him, but you can tell by the way he looks at her that he’s enamored by her. I
mean, we all knew she was obsessed with him from the start, and it’s not
just on her end. Plus, she says what she likes anyway. She’ll tell him how
unsatisfied she is soon enough.
As Haley finishes up, I can feel my body start to shake a little and
the nerves are really kicking in right now. My body is jittery.

* * *

Nick
I’m sweating right now. I’m sweating so badly that I’ve changed
my shirt twice, hoping that I don’t smell.
 I’m so fucking nervous, and it’s nearly time for me to go and get
her. I shake my arms out along with my neck, mentally giving myself a pep
talk about how I’ve prepared for this night. My entire body is heightened to
any sounds or slight movement because I’m so on edge at the moment.
Checking the time for the one millionth time tonight, I know it’s
time to leave or I’ll be a little late. I don’t want her to think that I’m late
might because of something like talking myself out of this; I will never talk
myself out of dating her, ever.
I’ve got her now, and I don’t plan on letting go anytime soon.
I slide my keys off my desk and make my way towards the door,
checking if I’ve got my wallet and license. Check and check, time to go.
Just as I close the door, TJ comes out and smiles at me.
“You look good, man! Good luck!” he tells me. I leave out the
main entrance, not without an assuring pat from Reggie and a squeeze from
Cas. She gave me some advice when taking her out; some of it is stuff I
already plan on doing, and other things I never in a million years would’ve
thought would be nice to do for a girl.
Cas hands me the white bouquet of roses I had bought for Carter
for tonight, knowing now that they’re her favourite. Once I get into the car,
I place the flowers beside me in the passenger seat and sit there staring at
the wheel, gripping it with full force and making my knuckles turn white. A
smile graces my face and grows with every second, and then I hear a large
laugh coming from in front of me.
TJ, Reggie, and Cas are all outside watching me smile like a total
fool in the car alone. I send them the finger to tell them to fuck off and
leave me be with my nerves, then make my way to collect my girl. I’m
excited for this date and yet so nervous. This is another reason why I didn’t
want to date; first, the effort; second, the nerves. But with Carter, it’s all so
worth it. All of this is not real effort for me, because it’s something I want
to do for her.
I reach her building in no time and smile up at their floor. I’m
watching a ton of girls walk inside to get to their rooms. I have this
overwhelming feeling in my stomach, the one that won’t leave me alone.
My black pants and tucked-in white dress shirt suddenly feel a little tighter
right now because I’m getting too hot. I reach across for the flowers and
kick the door open, only to curse at myself because I left a mark. I just got it
all cleaned yesterday before driving back, mainly for this date.
I take a deep breath and start to walk towards the building
confidently. Pushing my shoulders back and making my stride that little bit
longer, I’m trying to trick myself into calming down.
“Nick!” I hear someone call my name, and I stop in my tracks to
see who it is. I’m greeted with the sight of Maya and her minions in a tight
crop top showing off her stomach. The blonde-haired girl who I don’t miss;
not a single bit. The girl who made Carter miserable and unhappy for so
long.
I don’t want anything to do with her, I’ve had enough of the shit
she’s pulled on Carter. She’s nothing but your typical bully.
“Stay away from me, Maya.” I reprimand her and continue to my
destination. She’s not stopping me from going on this date, not if I have
anything to do with it. Carter is the girl I want, not her.
“Can’t we just talk for a moment, baby?” she asks seductively but
I’m in no mood for this shit. She knows it, too, because she has to yank me
back to her by my arm because I keep walking away from her. She’s
making me late for this date—my date. “You’re looking so good, Nick . . .”
She licks her lips while her eyes undress me. She looks so desperate.
“I know.” I turn back around and walk away once more with the
flowers in my grasp, but she stops me again.
“Who are they for?” she asks while her finger points to the bunch
of white flowers in my hold. I smile down at them, remembering the time I
visited her in the hospital and she told me that they were her favorite. I
looked up the nearest floral shop in the area and drove for an hour there and
an hour back for the freshest, most beautiful bunch there was. It was pricey
but definitely worth it.
“They’re for my date.” The look of horror on her face sends the
smile already on my face even bigger. Oh, that look alone is making me
relish in rubbing it even more. She’s not the girl who I’ve chosen to take out
on my first date.
“Date?” The shrill cry of her voice meets the surrounding area,
gaining people’s attention, and that’s my cue to leave. “Are you fucking
kidding me, Nick! Her! You’re taking her on a fucking date! NO!” I spin
back to face her, curious as to why she said no. It’s not even her choice.
This has nothing to do with her.
“No?” I ask.
“NO! That’s mine! They’re mine too! All of this is mine! MINE!
She doesn’t deserve this, any of this! Your first date was supposed to be
with me, Nick! Me, not her!” She starts to cry, but I know they’re crocodile
tears because there’s an audience crowding around us.
I know this is all for show. This is all just too tiring for me right
now, I’m really not interested with her dramatics. I shrug and keep walking,
not listening to the wails and screams coming from Maya. I continue into
the building to find my date for the evening. I walk over to the elevator to
see a sign saying “Out of order,” so I take the stairs, brushing past some
awestruck girls in the process. No matter how many times they see me, they
still react the same.
I finally reach the fourth floor and see her door in my view. I take
another breath to relieve my pounding heart. I fix my hair as I start my way
down to get her. I’m so excited to see her right now.
I wonder what she’s wearing?
I guess I’ll find out in a moment.
I knock on the door and pull my shoulders back to make myself
look bigger. I wait for it to open and hear a few curses through the door.
That doesn’t sound like her voice, I think to myself. Seeing as nobody wants
to open the door for me, I knock again and start to pace around the floor
outside.
I’m sweating again and it’s really bothering me right now. I need a
portable air conditioner right this instant. Just as I turn my back, the door
opens and I turn on my heel to face the person who finally decided to let me
see her.
“Wow . . .” I gasp at the sight of her. Jesus Christ, she looks
amazing. Black skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder blue pinstripe top with
a pair of heels. “Wow . . .” I repeat myself after I’m done ogling her. How’d
I get so lucky?
I smile at her and she does the same back to me.
Flowers, give her the flowers, Nick.
I hold the flowers in front of her and she beams at the sight of
them, quickly taking them from me. “They’re beautiful, Nick, thank you.”
She inhales their sweet scent, and I watch her enjoy that little moment. “My
favorite ones too,” she says coyly. Danielle takes them from her with a wink
my way and says she’ll put them in a vase in Carter’s room. I watch them
exchange looks and Carter goes bright red, blushing like she does when
there’s any kind of attention on her.
“You ready?” She nods, waving everyone off as we leave out the
door together, walking side my side down towards the commotion in the
lobby. It’s peak time for people to head back to their dorms for food, then
night life begins.
“You look really pretty,” I compliment her and watch her face
heat up and bite down on her lip. I have to look away whenever she does
that, it’s too enticing for me to not press her lips against mine. I want to bite
down on her lip and make her moan. I want to hear my name leave those
lips.
I want to make her want more from me, to take her breath away,
and I can’t wait for that moment. That moment where we can share each
other’s bodies.
“Thank you. You look really handsome.” She’s always been so
shy. That’s what I like most about her; the aura of innocence she exudes,
that always has me under her spell. She’s so sweet, so kind, and so caring.
From the first day I met her, she’s always been like this.
“Thank you,” I reply as we step down the stairs. I take hold of her
hand while she holds onto the rails with the other one. Once she’s safely
down the steps, I don’t let go of her hand and neither does she with mine. In
fact, her grip tightens around my fingers.
Girls are surrounding the area in groups and cliques; much like
high school, but a little bigger. As soon as we make it into their view, the
place goes silent. I know it’s making Carter uneasy because her grip
tightens even more around my fingers. I make eye contact with a few of
them. Their eyes are darting back and forth between me and her, wondering
what we’re doing.
I can feel her tense more and more as we make our way towards
the double doors. I let go of her hand and place my arm around her
shoulders. “It’s alright, I’ve got you, little one,” I tease her with the name
I’ve given her.
 Those baby-blue doe eyes reach mine when she looks up from
under my arm. She cuddles into my body with a small smile on her lips. I
push the door open for us, and we see Maya still hanging around.
“Oh no.” Carter sighs beside me. I pull her closer to me as I glare
at Maya, warning her to not come near us. She takes it and glares right
back, watching Carter like a hawk ready to swoop in for the kill. I open the
door for her and help her in, staying by her side once she’s in the passenger
seat.
“Look at me, don’t worry about her, or anyone. Tonight’s about
you and me, alright? We’re going to have a good night together. I’ve been
looking forward to this since the day I asked you out,” I confess to ease her
back into focusing on us and tonight. She’s tense, I can see it. Seeing
everyone staring at her makes her wonder why they’re staring at her. I know
it does.
“I’m looking forward to it too.” She nervously smiles back at me.
I couldn’t resist leaning in for a quick and small kiss from her. It’s been too
damn long since we’ve kissed.
“Then let’s get this date on the way then, shall we?” I wink at her
as she giggles and nods. I close the door and make my way around to the
other side. I can see the audience inside watch us as I make my way around
the car. “Typical,” I mumble to myself. You can swear I’m famous with the
amount of attention I get from people.
“Hey, Nick!” A few of the guys on the football team holler over at
me, and I wave back to acknowledge them with a smile on my face. I want
this date to go smoothly because I have never been on a date in my life. For
the entire Christmas vacation, I’ve been asking my mom to help me out
along with Cas. My mom wouldn’t stop hugging me when I asked her to
help me out. Planning is not my thing but I wanted to make sure I did this
right for her.
When I came up with the perfect idea, my mom thought it was so
romantic. My dad had planned the same thing for them on one of their
dates, but it was also when they were married and where I was conceived.
I’m not ready for kids yet. Holy hell, am I not ready for that just
yet. And boy, did I get a warning from my mom about it.
“So, are you going to give me any hints?” she teases me as I drive
down the street to our destination. It’s not too far away from the college, but
it’s not a short distance either.
“Nope, it’s all a surprise for you. I’m not giving anything away,
but I’ll know you’ll try to get it out of me,” I joke, keeping my eyes on the
road to get us there as safe as possible. My car has been touch and go for
the last while. I need to get a new one. When I’m playing football
professionally, it will be my first investment. Then a house.
“Are you taking me to a restaurant?” she asks, starting off the
twenty-one questions with me. I know she’s itching to find out where we’re
going. She’s a girl, and girls are curious twenty-four seven.
“You could say that . . .” I leave it cryptic because in a way we are
and in a way we aren’t. We’ll be eating, just not dining in a crowded room.
“You’re not giving much away, Nick, and you won’t, will you?”
She laughs, twisting her body to face me while I drive nearer and nearer to
our destination.
“Nope, you’re not getting anything out of me. Plus, we’re nearly
there anyway. I thought there would be a lot more traffic on the road right
now, but I’m beating my own time allowance. I overcompensated for
tonight . . .” I chuckle back as I make a turn off the highway and down
towards the place of interest for me and her.
Hopefully, everything is set up for us down here.

* * *

Carter
Where in the holy name of God is he taking me?
I can only see pure black and darkness, nothing else. Only the
ground is lit up in front of us and what catches in the light ahead of us.
That’s it.
“You’re not going to murder me, are you?” I ask him while he
bellows loudly beside me, struggling to keep his hands on the wheel. I smile
as I watch his eyes crinkle in the corners as he laughs. I’ve missed him so
much.
“Damn! I wanted you to be surprised when I did it!” I roll my
eyes and playfully slap his chest. He simmers down after a while then turns
to the right and comes to a stop. He unbuckles his belt and I do the same.
“I’ll help you out, the ground here is a little uneven. I’ll come around,
okay?” he offers.
I swoon at how caring he is towards me. The light beams above us
when he opens his door. The light turns off when he shuts it. The crunch of
his footsteps makes it known to me that he’s making his way on gravel-like
terrain. The door swings open, and I take his hand once again as he wraps
his arm around my waist, hoisting me up and lifting me down to my feet.
“Careful in those heels. I don’t want you hurting yourself.” His
breath is inches away from my face. All I can do is nod while I stare at his
features. Not letting go of my hand once more, he tugs me close to him
again and guides me along what feels like a pathway. My heel catches on a
few stones here and there, but nothing too bad to make me fall over.
“What is this place?” I ask, amazed by this secret location. I can’t
make anything out except for the outline of Nick. He’s staring right at me. I
can make out the hunter-green eyes that are watching my reaction.
“You’ll soon find out.” He grins as he picks up his pace as we
make our way towards the desired spot for this date. Once we continue our
short walk, I feel the ground getting more even, then I’m met with the
echoes of our steps on wooden planks. I look down to see if I can make out
if that’s what we’re on right now. I see the gaps in the planks and the sound
of water gurgling beneath us.
I raise my head because I can now see my surroundings, and what
I see what makes me stop completely. There are little fairy lights dangling
around the mast of a boat and down along the railings, where people usually
hold on to when getting on. It’s a beautiful white boat with two floors. This
can’t be for us?
“You like it?” He turns himself slightly in front of me, making
sure my sight to the boat is not blocked off but enough to make me take my
gaze away from the boat and to him.
“That’s for us?” I point to it, waiting for him to confirm my
assumptions. When he nods, I gasp at him and flicker my eyes back and
forth between him and the boat. “This is beautiful, Nick!” I gush as he pulls
me over to where we’ll be on our first date. On the lake, because I know
we’re not near the sea. How Nicolas Sparks of him.
“I’m glad you like it.” He grins as we step in front of the boat.
 “Ahhh, Nickiii, you’re fucking early!” A guy comes out from
behind one of the pillars and greets him. The guy notices me and waves
over to me. Seeing that we’re holding hands, he wiggles his eyebrows at
Nick, who rolls his eyes and starts laughing.
“Carter, this is my cousin Gage, Taylor’s brother, the one you met
at the restaurant that time with his mom, my aunt?” I nod, remembering
when we did meet them. They were so friendly and nice. This guy has dark
black hair, the complete opposite of Nick, and is built like he was in the
army. He has muscles for his muscles. Are all of the guys in Nick’s family
built like him?
“Hi . . .” I wave back shyly to him, and he sends me a smile that
resembles his mother’s. I know I’ve only met his family for a couple of
hours, but I remember his mom very well. She was a very sweet woman
who is very much like Nick’s mom. Bubbly and chatty, your typical doting
mother.
I watch Gage wink at Nick, whose grip tightens on me when he
sends him that look. “You always go for the really hot ones with the hot
names, don’t you Nick?” he teases, and Nick reaches across to smack him
on the head. Gage starts to laugh loudly at his cousin’s actions. “First date,
bro, those nerves acting up already? You do know it’s his first ever date,
right?” he asks me and I nod, smiling up at him like a kid in a candy store. I
know Gage is only doing this to annoy Nick, I can see that mischievous
glint in his eye.
“Gage, stop trying to throw her off me just so you can have a
shot.” Nick climbs over onto the boat. Once he’s steady, he allows me to
follow him, holding both my hands to safely guide me onto the crystal clean
boat.
“Why not? I’m better looking than your ugly ass,” he jokes, and I
laugh into my hand at how casual their relationship is. It’s a playful one
where Gage likes to annoy Nick. Gage is very good looking, but I like Nick
better. I find Nick more attractive, and I really enjoy his personality. We
click together better.
“Yeah . . . I’m the ugly one with a date.” Nick’s sarcasm makes
Gage erupt beside us in a fit of laughter, his shoulders shaking from Nick’s
dig at him.
 “At least you admit it. So, Carter, where do you want to go on our
date?” Gage asks me, and I can’t stop laughing at his jokes just to piss Nick
off. It’s winding him up so bad because I can practically see the steam
leaving Nick’s ears.
“Goodbye, Gage.” Nick pushes him to the side of the boat where
we got on. I wave him goodbye as he straddles himself over the boat.
“Call me if you get bored, Carter, or if he crashes this baby into
something and you need some mouth to mouth or something else that he
might not be able to offer. I’m your man for that.” He points his thumb
proudly at himself. I watch Nick growl and push him completely off the
boat to make him leave. I press my lips together as I watch their playful
jokes with one another.
“She wouldn’t touch your sorry ass anyway,” Nick grumbles as
soon as he turns his back.
Gage mouths “Call me anytime, babe” with a wink at the end.
“Fuck off, Gage, I know you’re asking her to call you.” Nick
comes over to me, the possessive side of him coming out like I’ve never
seen before. He grabs my waist and pulls my body flush with him.
Placing a chaste kiss on my lips, I immediately like the way he’s
treating me like a guy would treat a girl he likes. He’s making it known to
his cousin that I’m not someone he should flirt with, but I know he’s just
doing it to wind Nick up. I know he’s only poking him for fun and isn’t
serious about it.
“Bye, beautiful. Bye, Carter.” I chuckle into Nick’s chest while he
laughs too. Gage blows him a kiss and walks away from us, but not without
shouting, “You must give a good lick out if she’s staying with you, bro! I
give much better ones though, Carter. Nick has my number if you want find
out!” And runs away because Nick jerks forward threateningly.
“That fucking dickhead,” Nick mumbles beside me. I stroke his
arms up and down to gain his focus back on the date. “I’m unfortunately
related to that.” He sighs once he’s face to face with me again.
“He’s nice,” I tell him and wrap my arms around his waist. I ease
my chin on his chest as I look up at him. “But I like you better.” That makes
him smile. He leans down and kisses my head. The feeling of his smile on
my skin makes me shut my eyes. This is absolutely my most favorite thing
he does with me. I love when he kisses my forehead. I feel so safe when he
does that.
“He’s still a little asshole,” he mumbles as he steps back. “An
asshole that flirts with my date.” He rolls his eyes and takes my hands.
“You sit here.” He guides me over to a seat where he’ll steer the boat.
I sit down, but he lifts me back up and places me on his lap. I
smile over my shoulder at him while he starts up the engine. He kisses my
cheek and I lean back into his chest while he steers the boat out onto what
looks like a lake. If we travel further south, which we didn’t, we’d be at the
ocean.
The wind blows through my hair as I shift it over to the other side,
clear from Nick’s face isn’t so he doesn’t choke on my hair. Once I do that,
I feel a warm set of lips meet my shoulder. I snap my head around from the
gentle touch to see him kissing my shoulder. Watching a smile meet my
skin, I can’t help but do the same.
Everything he does feels so good. His lips start to wander up
higher along my shoulder blade, kissing every part he comes into contact
with, until he gets to my neck. He begins to lightly nip on my skin. I feel a
moan rise up my throat, and I try to swallow it down as much as I can. I
jump up away from him and he smacks his head.
He looks at me apologetically as he rubs his head. “I’m sorry,
Carter. I didn’t mean to keep going with you. I got carried away.” I stand on
the boat’s deck as he stares down at his feet. I feel bad for making him feel
bad.
“Hey, Nick, it’s fine.” I crouch down to get him to look at me.
“I’m just not ready for that yet,” I tell him truthfully.
“I know, I didn’t mean to push it. I just couldn’t stop myself.” I
feel my heart drop with the look of disappointment in his eyes. He’s so
annoyed with himself, I can see it.
“I know, and it’s fine. I don’t think either of us are really ready for
that . . . Well, maybe it’s just me. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong
impression, but I don’t want this to ruin the mood. I’m really enjoying this
date, and I would like it to continue.” I reassure him, unsure if he wants to
call it quits and let him go off and calm himself down. I know it’s probably
been a while with him and his history tells me he had many options. So,
he’s probably craving it right now. I understand. Guys have needs.
 “We’re not going anywhere; this date is happening. It hasn’t
ruined the mood, but could I ask you something? Please don’t take offence
to it.” He lifts his head once I rise to my feet and shake my head, letting him
know it’s alright to ask me things. “Would you mind if you sat there?” Nick
points to the seat next to him. I smile and sit right next to him. “I’m just
hard as I rock right now from the sound you made.” He starts the boat up
again. I blush, knowing that I whimpered. I thought I didn’t but I guess I
did.
Dammit, no wonder he kept going.
I sit on the seat, quietly watching the water drift by us. The smell
of the lake and the hum of the engine from the boat fills my senses. Then
we stop out on the water in the middle of nowhere and I start to look
around, admiring the lights above us against the night sky.
“This is really sweet of you, Nick. Thank you. I love this boat,” I
express my thoughts about it so far. I’m really enjoying myself. I will
always enjoy myself when I’m with him. I’m comfortable being around
him, but nobody has gone through so much trouble for a date with me.
“Come with me.” He opens his palm in front of me, asking me to
take it. I slip my hand along his and clasp on to it. He pulls me up and we
start to tread to the back of the boat. On the left side is a table. I slip into the
booth type seat and he sits next to me. Pouring each of us a glass of water,
he says, “I have to drive you back home, so I’m not drinking, but if you
want, I can pour you one?” he suggests and I shake my head.
“Oh no, water is perfect. I’m not much of a drinker anyway, but
thank you.” I reject the offer. I’m not one for drinking. I enjoy the odd glass
here and there, but I don’t want to drink alone tonight.
“I know you’re not, but it’s there if you want just one.” He rests
his arm on the back of the seat and pulls a fluffy black blanket over us both
while we look up at the lights and stars together. “I have dinner pre-made
for us too. When we’re done relaxing, I’ll check on it in the oven. I hope to
God Gage didn’t fuck it up.” He sighs and leans his head back, closing his
eyes.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Nick,” I reply sheepishly. It’s very cute how
much effort he’s put into this night. I’m so flattered by it all.
“I just want this to be perfect,” he whispers to himself.
 “It is,” I assure him because tonight has been so good so far, and
we haven’t even eaten yet. Everything has been ace.
“You think so?” He boosts himself up to eye me again, trying to
figure out if I’m telling the truth.
“Definitely.” I shuffle across to cozy myself up to him and angle
my body towards him to peck his mouth as a clue that I really appreciate
this night with him. He’s so thoughtful.
“I’m glad you do. Dating isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I
suppose it’s only better when you’re with the right person . . .” He looks
happy when he stares back at me. Like, he’s really happy with how tonight
has gone.
“I really like just getting to know more about you and talking to
you about things.” I rest my head on his shoulder while his arm curls
around me, effectively pulling me closer to him. I can feel his taut muscles
through his shirt, and I love the feeling of them. I feel safe in his arms.
“I know the feeling. It’s just so easy with you, Carter. And I meant
it when I said I’ve never met a girl like you. You grabbed me by the horns
when I first met you, and no girl has ever done that before.
“Yeah, I know I’ve gotten around but no girl has ever made me
want to date until I met you. You have this innocent aura about you that
pulled me in instantly. I knew I felt something more when you were reading
to my sister and her friend, both of whom haven’t stopped talking about you
by the way.” I chuckle as I remember the times Ellie has taken his phone to
call me and ask if I could read her a story before bed. Then she would fall
asleep, and I would end up talking to Nick for the rest of the night until we
both fell asleep ourselves. “My sister is crazy about you, and I get it. She’s
super shy, kind of like you. You didn’t brush her off when you first met her.
You were kind to her and treated her like she was your own sister. I get why
she was so drawn to you.”
“That’s why you’re such a sucker for me.” I poke him playfully in
the chest while he lets out a rumble of laughter.
“Exactly.” He leans his muscular frame into me and kisses me
again, this time with a little more desire in it. I feel his hand skim up my
neck as he wraps his hand around it, cradling me into position. His tongue
rims the line of my lips, asking me to open up. I do and sigh at the taste of
him again. It’s been so long since we last kissed like this. I missed the way
he makes me feel when we do kiss.
Those cliché butterflies in my stomach.
That zap of electricity between us.
The hunger for more.
The transfer of our feelings from one another.
The way his tongue fights passionately with mine.
Those moans from the back his throat.
The dangerously tight grip on my hips while he simultaneously
pulls me closer.
I trail my hands though his hair, allowing me to feel a softness
I’ve never felt before.
And every time he breaks the kiss once it gets heated, I know he’s
trying so hard to control himself. Like now.
“I’ll put the dinner on and we can chill for a while, before I really
can’t control my urges with you,” he chides playfully, and I bite my swollen
lips from the heated kiss we just shared. Once he’s out of view, I take out
my phone and see if the makeup that Haley did is still intact.
“So far so good,” I mumble to myself, successfully confirming
that everything is still in its proper place. We’re all good, Carter. Because
he’s gone to make the food, I take the time to try and make out where
exactly we are right now. I try to find any buildings or noises that look or
sound familiar, but nothing other than the water lapping and slushing
around the boat can be heard.
The boat shakes rhythmically from side to side. It’s very peaceful
here, wherever we are.
The smell of food takes over my senses when Nick comes back
with a hand full of containers. He sets them down on the table and runs
back inside to get more of what I think is food. Everything smells delicious.
Then, I hear the clatter of plates and cutlery as he comes back out.
Salad, fries, bread, and pasta with red sauce and chicken.
Everything looks so amazing, and I can’t wait to try it.
“You did all of this for me?” I ask, bemused by his effort. I’m so
amazed at how much he’s put so much time into all of this. My God, I’m
starting to wonder if I’m actually his first date or if he had some help.
 “Yeah, I tried a few times to get the chicken and pasta just right
this morning . . . My aunt and mom may have helped me a little on that, but
everything else, I did myself . . . It’s not too much, is it?” He holds his
hands out, waiting for an answer from me.
“No, no! This is perfect. I just . . . nobody has ever made this
much of an effort for me before . . . Thank you. It’s very kind of you.” I
smile sheepishly back at him, confessing that not many guys have made a
fuss over me, not counting my dad and brothers. This is all surreal right
now. I can’t believe he’s taking me out on a date on a boat and cooked
dinner for me.
Could he be any more perfect?!
“You’re definitely worth all the effort I put in to. Plus, I know
how to make this for myself in college now. So, it’s a win-win situation.”
He plops himself down back next to me and hands me over a plate, placing
some spoons and forks around us and in the dishes he made. “I told Gage to
heat it up on medium and I was praying the idiot didn’t put it on high. I
would’ve flipped my shit with him if he did. He’d be the type to do that
accidentally. He never got the cooking skills from his mom.” He rolls his
eyes and reaches across the table to start filling up my plate with a little bit
of everything, taking the fact that I don’t eat a ton of food compared to him
into consideration. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my food as much as
the next person, but I could never eat as much as he does. He could eat an
entire cow if he had the chance. Living with two football players, you
realize that they eat about two to three servings per meal.
There’s a comfortable silence between us as we eat through the
delicious food he made. “This is so good, I should get you to cook more
often,” I joke as I pierce my salad with my fork. Placing the leaves in my
mouth and tasting the dressing, I sigh at how good it is. It’s the same one
my grandma used to put on salads when we’d come down for the summer.
“Don’t tell Haley I can cook, okay? She’ll abuse the shit out of
it.” He chuckles, covering his mouth in reply.
“Speaking of . . .” I feel his leg tense beside me when I mention
his sister, like he forgot about the entire situation with us. “Nothing bad, I
promise.” I shoot my hands up playfully in defense. “We talked today.
About everything, and it was nice. Yeah, it’s still a little awkward for her,
and I get it, but she was kinda alright with us? She told me you both
talked?” I watch him nod because his mouth is full of food.
Once he swallows, he says, “Yeah, on Christmas Day. My mom
made us talk it out . . . We both saw it from everyone’s point of view. She
said that it’ll be uncomfortable at first but she’ll get there in the end, and
same with me. Her and TJ being together is weird but I’ll become used to it
after a while . . . if they last. OW!” I smack his arm for saying that.
“They really like each other, Nick.” I point at him to not say
anything negative about them.
“I know they like each other. Fuck, I know they love each other,
and that shits weird, but I’m just saying that as a precaution if they do
decide to end it. I’m not saying they will, so you can put your hand back
down and give me a kiss for hitting me.” The cheeky smile makes my heart
do flips while he leans into my body.
“Only because you’re making the effort to be okay with them.” I
poke his dimple that’s showing on his left side.
“No, because you want to kiss me,” he speaks lowly to me,
leaning in and brushing his nose off mine. I boop his with mine playfully.
“True, but mainly because of all the effort you’re going through
with me, your sister, your best friend, and tonight.” I place my hand on his
cheek.
“Come here and reward me then,” he says seductively me. I feel a
quiver from my legs when he said that, a feeling I’ve never had before. A
certain want for him.
Chill, Carter, now is not the time. You told him you’re not ready
just yet. Give it some time, I chastise myself.
I shake myself off and lean in to capture those tantalizing lips
once more. These lips have teased me long enough for the night. This guy is
doing something to my insides. He’s so romantic, and I never would’ve
thought he’d be the type. Everything that I’ve heard about him has gone in
the trash. He’s going against all the rumors I’ve heard and not believed.
After the dinner, we cuddle up to each other after Nick sails us
back to the docks, but we still remain on board. We rest on each other, and I
try warm myself up once again. The wind had more of a bite to it when we
came back in than when we went out.
 Now we’re locked up in each other under the blanket, just
listening to the water lapping around us. My head is on his chest and his
large arms are hugging my small body.
“So . . . what did you think?” he asks with a bit of nervousness in
his tone. I lift my head up to meet his wary stare. He really is a little antsy
about what I thought. The look he’s giving me looks like I kicked a puppy. I
can’t even joke with him and tell him it was terrible because I’d feel guilty.
“It was amazing. Honestly, I never thought you’d put in this much
effort with me, Nick. I really enjoyed being with you tonight, I will always
remember this night as one of the best I’ve had,” I tell him truthfully and
watch the grin that was nonexistent appear on to his golden face with every
word I speak.
“That’s all I needed to hear.” Kissing me softly, I melt into him
and cup my hands around his jaw. I stroke the light stubble dotted around.
“You mind if I get a quick picture with you?” he asks once he pulls away
from me. I sheepishly nod at him, silently wondering why he wants one
with me. A hand slips into his pocket to get his phone and he sets us up for
a picture. Pulling me under his arm, we both smile at the camera together,
like that night he came over to apologize to me. Then he turns his head and
kisses me on the lips again. I don’t know if he’s taking any photos of us, but
he takes another one of us just staring at each other and smiling.
He’s finally finished after a few more pictures.
“What are you going to do with them?” I ask out of curiosity.
“I’m keeping them in my phone. They’re not going up on
Instagram or anything, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. We don’t
need to broadcast this everywhere. I just want to keep these private between
you and me, you know?” I nod at how sweet he’s being. I kiss him once
more and smile at him.
“I couldn’t agree more.” I tell him.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
A Big Mushy, Cuddly, Giant Teddy Bear

Nick
My cheeks are starting to hurt. My smile hasn’t faded since our
first date. I haven’t seen her since last night. I need to get up early and train
with the team today. I’ve been less focused on football since coming back
and more focused on her. I’m pretty sure people are starting to notice it too.
I practically spring myself out of the bed and get my gear packed
up for today. A knock on my door tells me the guys are waiting for me so
we can all go. Coach hates it when you’re late. He makes you stay an extra
hour and do a ton of drills. Sit-ups, suicides, push-ups, etc. He pushes you
until you can’t breathe anymore. I learned my lesson as a freshman.
I sling my bag over my shoulder and walk out my door into the
hallway. TJ is waiting for me by the door with Reggie. TJ and I had a rocky
start early this year, but it is mellowing out now that I know he’s not
fucking around with my sister. If he does, he’s a dead man. He knows this
too.
“You ready?” Reggie asks. I signal that I’m right behind him as he
walks out. TJ and I follow him. All of us climb into TJ’s car as we buckle
ourselves in. I look out the window and see everything that reminds me of
Carter.
And I mean everything.
The fence, the trees, the grass, the toys on the lawn; I have no idea
why they remind me of her, but they do. Especially the toys.
“Well?” Reggie squeezes my shoulder, taking me back to the
present. I crane my neck around to face him in the back seat.
“Well, what?” I joke. I know they both want to know about the
date last night. I couldn’t sleep a whole lot because of it. I was texting her
half of the night, then we both said fuck it and I called her. I needed to hear
her voice again. She later fell asleep on the phone with me. God, I wish I
was there with her.
When I walked her back to the dorm, Haley and Danielle were
watching us. I couldn’t get a fucking moment alone with her. They had eyes
like a hawk, watching our every move.
“How’d the date go?” he asks impatiently. He wants to know what
she thought of the date that everyone helped me plan. I came up with the
idea, everyone just helped me execute it. I didn’t even know where to start
when I first decided this.
He’s like a little kid bouncing up and down, wanting to know
what happened. I want to keep it between Carter and me. It’s nobody else’s
business, but I know they’ll drag it out of me. Plus, I trust them both.
“It was good.” I act nonchalant, but it was the farthest thing from
good. If I’d have known that dates were like the one I went on last night, I’d
have dated a long time ago. I wish I met her years ago. I could’ve started all
of this sooner.
“Good? That’s all you got, Jackson?” TJ chides playfully. His
hand playfully slaps my chest, telling me they want more than that. While
laughing, he turns the indicator on to the freeway.
“Alright, it was better than I ever thought it would be. I would’ve
started dating a long time ago if it was as good as this,” I tell them
truthfully. But what I should’ve said was that I should’ve started dating her
a long time ago.
“Dude, just say it!” TJ laughs and turns to face me for a quick
second before focusing back on the road. They both start to slap me on any
free space they can get their hands on, telling me to “say it” over and over
again, chanting in my face until I’ve had enough.
“Alright, alright, alright! It’s was amazing. There, you happy?” I
laugh while the two grin at me.
“You hear that, Reg? Our boy is all grown up!” TJ pinches my
cheek while I can feel myself heating up.
“And becoming a man! She’s a good one, bro, I’m happy for
you!” Reggie pats my shoulder again, telling me he approves of her.
“Me, too, man, look at you! I’ve never seen you this happy in my
life. And I agree with Reggie, she’s a good catch. Treat her right, or her dad
and brothers will be on your ass as well as your career!” he jokes, and the
three of us laugh again. It’s a good morning despite the lack of sleep I got.
I’m exhausted but the events that made me exhausted were worth it. Once
training is finished, I’ll go back to bed and skip my classes for the day.
“Don’t I know!” I chuckle. It’s like none of that drama ever
happened; none of the fighting that happened between the four of us. I owe
it to her for making me see some sense, and to accept that I have no control
over who my sister and my best friend like. And if it’s each other, then so
be it; it’s their lives, not mine. So, I need to step back and let them be.
Carter made me see a little sense in their relationship, and I got Haley to
think about mine and Carters.
Wait, it’s not a relationship, is it?
I mean, one date really doesn’t mean we’re in relationship. Does
it? Do I want one with her?
“Yo, can I ask you guys something real quick? And don’t laugh at
me either!” They both nod back, telling me to go ahead. “When you first
went out with Cassie or my sister, how did you know they would be your
girlfriend?” I ask.
“Wow! Is Nick Jackson thinking of finally getting himself a
girlfriend?” Reggie asks, actually shocked by my question.
I deadpan him through the rearview mirror while he chuckles a
little. I mentally reprimand him, Not the response I wanted, Reg.
“I haven’t asked Haley to be mine yet . . .” TJ says quietly, his
knuckles turning white on the wheel when he says it. He seems irritated.
“You both need a good foot up your asses. Get a move on!
Otherwise, they’ll walk into another man’s arms and you can’t have shit
with them!” Lighting that fire under his ass, TJ races to campus to get to
practice. We are approaching the car park. He swerves into a free space and
he stops the car with a huge squeak of the brakes.
“I have to make a call, I’ll see you both in there,” TJ rambles and
fumbles with his phone as we slowly get out of the car. As slow as possible,
so we can overhear his and my sister’s conversation. I know he’s calling
Haley right now thanks to Reggie’s encouragement.
“He’s totally calling your sister, isn’t he?” Reggie chuckles as we
walk away from TJ’s car.
“Yup.” I pop the “p” at the end for added effect. I place my bag
over my head and allow it to fall onto my shoulder across my body, protein
shake in hand and ready to go for practice. Reg made me one when he was
making his.
“To answer your question, I knew Cassie was girlfriend material
when she ran into me in high school. Literally, she was racing around the
corner because she was late handing in an assignment. She completely
blindsided me, then she fell on top of me when I hit the floor. Once I looked
at her, I was a complete goner. That look she gave me made me realize she
was the one I wanted, that small little flicker of realization of who I was
mixed with amusement.
“I was the big shot in our school, everyone knew it. I had girls
lined up for me, but nothing compared to that look she gave me that day. I
was tackled by a girl, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I felt even
worse when I didn’t know who she was. I felt like shit when I was told
she’d been in my classes since kindergarten. I needed to know who she
was.” He opens the door for us and we both stride inside to change. “So, I
asked around; turns out, one of the guys on the team slept with her best
friend, and I found out her name. I went home and stalked her on social
media for the entire night. I know, I was weird, but I couldn’t get that look
out of my head.” He stares at an empty space, reminiscing about his first
meeting.
I know what he’s talking about. Those beady eyes that just stare at
you in amazement. That smile they send you that makes everything around
you stop. That laugh that makes you seize up because you aren’t prepared
when you hear it. Then you long to hear her laugh again by cracking jokes;
good and bad.
“So, the next day, I made it my mission to talk to her and ask her
out. Once I found her, it took hours because the school was huge. I sent the
team around to look for her too. It was like a manhunt that day. Anyway, I
found her and sat next to her in all the classes we were in. I knew I wanted
to date her just because of her kindness, but she was so goddamn beautiful,
I couldn’t pay attention in school or football. She was on my mind twenty-
four seven.” I nod, knowing what he’s talking about still.
It’s the same with me for Carter; she’s stuck in my mind and I
can’t get her out of it. I don’t want to, but I want to control the urges and
thoughts I have about her, especially the not so innocent ones. Out of all my
thoughts, I need to get them under control.
 “When I asked her out first, she said no.” I laugh at him and he
smacks me on the back of my head. But that didn’t stop me, not even a
little. My laugh is echoing through the halls as we approach the locker
rooms. “Shut up, Jackson, not all of us have those pretty boy looks that get
us any girl we want.” He elbows my ribs, getting me to stop.
“Whatever,” I mumble, rolling my eyes with a smile. My looks
have served me well through the years.
“Anyway, I kept annoying her. I got her number from her friend
and I would message her the game times to come see me. The location of
the parties, where she could find me when I was eating with the guys at the
local diner . . . you get it. But I messaged her and messaged her until she
gave me a shot. When she did, I wooed the shit out of her by taking her to a
carnival because her friend told me she liked them. That night, we kissed . .
. and don’t you fucking dare quote me on this! I won’t give you any advice
in the future if you repeat it to the guys, Jackson!” I hold up my hands in
surrender as we stop outside the doors where we can hear chatter and
laughter from the inside. “It was the best fucking kiss I’ve ever had. I
needed more from her. I had to see her again, and again, and again, until we
were official. I knew she was the one when she looked at me that day when
she ran into me. I knew by her eyes, as cheesy as it sounds. I just knew by
looking at her. I wanted to marry her, I wanted her to carry my kids, and I
wanted her love for the rest of my life. There was something invisible there
between us, and no matter who got in the way, we’d always find each
other.” He shrugs opening the door to the guys changing into the training
kit.
“You’ll know what I mean when you find her.” But I already do. I
know what he means, and the thought of that scares me a little. Am I too
young to know? Reggie is the same age, yet he knows. He has the one. He’s
with his future. “Don’t freak out Jackson, I know you are right now.” He
laughs trying to calm my racing pulse down.
Is she the one for me?
“Hey man, chill, most people don’t know right away. It’s fine. For
some people, it takes a little while longer to find them or for them to open
their eyes to see what they’ve already got.” He points to the door as TJ
walks inside with fine lines of worry etched on his face. He scurries over to
us and starts to unpack. “Well, how’d it go, Romeo?” Reggie teases TJ.
 “F-fine,” he nervously responds, throwing his bag down on the
bench where his jersey hangs. He’s fidgeting, and I know he’s not focused
on practice right now. Reggie laughs and pulls his top over his head. I do
the same. “I’m going to tell her tonight,” TJ says after a few moments of
silence.
“You’re going to tell her she’s your girlfriend? Dude, not the right
way of going about it. You’ve got to ask, not demand it. If she’s anything
like Cassie, she’d end your life in a heartbeat,” Reggie advises him. He’s
serious too. I’m mentally taking notes.
Woah, chill. Just hold it there. One date, Nick, one date. Don’t
scare her off.
“No, I’m going to tell her I love her.” The room goes silent. None
of us thought we’d see the day that TJ would say those words. Ever.
Especially me. “Then I’ll ask her to be my girlfriend,” he tells us like it’s so
obvious. Towels get whipped over at TJ with the boys hollering at what he
just said.
“WHIPPED!” is said over and over again as the boys wring up
their towels and crack it at TJ’s direction. We’re all laughing until our coach
comes in with a face like he got smacked on his ass by his mom.
“You’re all late! Get out there now!” We all rush around to get our
clothes on and make a break out the door that he’s holding open for us. One
by one, he glares at us as we go out. Once I get my turn, he grabs me by the
collar and pushes me back. “Lead your team to state, Jackson. None of this
locker room crap until you’ve finished practice. Keep you and your players
focused!” I nod back, trying to get away from him. He’s pissed, for
whatever reason. I run out the tunnel that I’ve done countless times to get to
Bulldog.
Once I reach him, he shakes his head and points over to our
coach, who is standing over with the rest of the team with his hands on his
hips waiting for me. That’s strange, I don’t usually train with him. It’s
always been Bulldog with me.
“Not today, kid, Coach wants you to himself.” I groan, knowing I
won’t listen to him. I hate his methods. I don’t respond to them well. The
other guys do, but I prefer Bulldog.
“Shit,” I curse as the guys all laugh at me making my way over.
 “Jackson and Averman!” He points at me and Ryan. This can’t be
good. “You’re with me today and for the rest of the week.” We both grunt
back at him. I look at TJ, who is sending me an uneasy look.
Shit will hit the fan between us, it’s guaranteed.
I know Ryan is itching to throw some digs at me, especially about
the date last night. “The rest of you boys, you’re with Bulldog for the
meantime. Let’s go!” He claps his hands twice, signaling it’s time to get a
move on. I clench my jaw as the boys run by me and Ryan, leaving us
alone.
“Alright, let’s run some drills. Two laps to warm up and come
back to me.” He directs us to the end zone closest to us and we start to jog.
We run side by side, neither one of us saying anything to each other. That’ll
all change. One of us will crack first.
One lap down and another to go. I’m breathing in and out, and so
is Ryan. Coach is going to work us hard today. I can feel it. I’m going to be
sore tomorrow and for the rest of the week. Practice is going to be brutal for
me and Ryan.
Once both of us have completed the warm-up, coach orders us to
stretch. Ryan falls to the ground while I wind up my arms to shake them
out. For the next fifteen minutes, we warm our muscles up to get some of
the stiffness out. If we don’t do it properly, tomorrow will be a bitch for us
both. Still, there is silence between us. Neither one of us is looking at each
other. It’s tense, to say the least. One word from either of us and it could all
blow up. We both know this, that’s why we’re silent. Neither one of us
wants to be benched for the next game.
“Alright, boys, let’s go. Jackson, get some balls. Averman,
prepare to run when I say so.” We both nod at Coach. I hate doing these
drills in front of him. He reminds me of my dad when I train with him.
That’s why I avoid him and go straight to Bulldog. But I guess this is what’s
on offer for me and Ryan today. I love my dad, don’t get me wrong, but
sometimes he thinks he knows what’s best for me and I hate that. I know
my game better than anyone else does but he likes to think otherwise.
Those drills were the ones we did for an hour straight, and I can
tell even Ryan is sick of it too. Coach has no idea on how to coach, that’s
why we all prefer Bulldog. He knows his shit, he knows his players. Coach
just wants the title of being the head coach. He’s not coaching us, he’s
taking the credit away from our real coach, Bulldog. “Again!” He snaps me
out of my daydream.
“We’ve done this for an hour, Coach, can we at least take a
break?” Ryan asks out of breath. To be fair, he’s only missed three of my
throws in the last hour. Mainly by me throwing it away from him for a little
fun, but coach smacked the focus back into me really quick and I didn’t do
it again.
“No, again.” We groan and our heads drop back to look up
towards the blue sky. The guys beside us look like they’re enjoying training
with Bulldog. I know some of them never had him before and are really
enjoying it. I can tell from the yells and laughs as they congregate on the
other side of the field.
“Fuck this shit . . .” Ryan mumbles under his breath when he
stands next to me.
“What was that, Averman?” Coach sizes him up and gets ready
for another throw.
“Nothing, Coach,” he mumbles again.
“What? Speak up, boy!” Coach yells at him, cupping his ear and
really pissing him off.
“Nothing, Coach!” Ryan yells back at him.
“Lose that goddamn tone, Averman!” I snicker and get another
smack on the back of my head. Ryan then smirks and I glare at him. “Now,
both of you focus! I want ten clean passes and then you can take a break!”
He is brutal today. It’s taking everything in Ryan and me not to
tackle our own coach. We’re not benefiting from this drill. Sure, it’s fine for
passes, but I need to be put under pressure or it’s no good. I need someone
to run at me so I can be ultra-focused, but today, I’m not even bothered.
Everyone down south always highlights manners. Respect your
elders and watch your language around ladies. That’s what my parents
drilled into us as young kids. It’s still in me to this day. As much as I want
to curse Coach, I know better than to poke the lion when it’s outside its
cage. I wonder what it’s like in the NFL? I wonder what Rodger Steel is like
as a coach? I know he’s the best for a reason, but I wonder how good?
Five passes down and another five to go. I’m not even throwing
them properly. I just want to get some water and take a break, but coach is
depriving us of it until we do what he says.
 One more.
I launch it down the line to Ryan, who catches it with ease. I don’t
even care anymore. I want to go back to the coach that knows me best;
Bulldog. He knows my mind and plays like I know myself.
“Five minutes,” Coach orders and we both jog over to the sideline
to get some water with the boys. I see Bulldog and stand next to him.
“Can’t you get him to lay off?” I ask him and he chuckles.
“You must have done something to tick him off, kid. I think he’s
trying to make you and Averman talk to one another . . .” I already knew
that. That’s why we’ve been isolated from the team.
“But that’s not helping either one of us. You know that, don’t
you?” I spin around to face him, guzzling back the cold water to quench the
thirst I have. “We haven’t even spoken a word to each other,” I continue,
out of breath and still trying to quench my thirst.
“I know, your passes are sloppy, Jackson. I’m over here having a
conniption watching you. Keep that head up, I see it dropping . . . But I do
get why you’re doing it. There’s a difference between doing lots of drills
with no added effect than a small amount of them and putting your all into
the passes,” he tells me, and I couldn’t agree more. He hit the nail on the
head with that one. My passes are only getting worse because I’m not
bothered today. I just want it to be over with. I want to lie back in bed and
fall asleep.
“Yo! Why is Coach riding on you and Averman so hard?” Reggie
wonders, but I give him a straight face and watch it all link together on his
face.
“Few too many hits to the head, Reg!” Bulldog pats his shoulder
before walking back out to the field.
“Wait! Can’t you talk to him?” I yell at him, but he shakes his
head and brings his two wrists together.
“My hands are tied, kid. Sorry.” He turns back around onto the
field, walking back to where he and the rest of the team are. I feel like
walking out right now, Coach is not giving me or Ryan a break.
“Averman! Jackson! Let’s go!” he hollers over to us, and we both
roll our eyes and groan.
The rest of the team feel like they’re in high spirits. Getting a
chance with the real coaching staff while we get the man who doesn’t have
the slightest clue on how to coach us.
This is going to be a long practice.

* * *

“Alright, that’s enough for you both. You’re with me again same
time tomorrow.” He points to himself as he walks down the tunnel.
“Well, I learned fuck all today,” I grumble to myself once he is
out of hearing range.
“Yeah, you threw like my sister,” Ryan comments. I glare at him.
“You don’t even have a fucking sister, you idiot!” I retort back to
him. “I didn’t want to pass to your sorry ass anyway,” I insult him back.
“Well, I caught them, didn’t I?” he snaps back and Bulldog comes
between us in a heartbeat, along with some of the boys, to separate us.
“That’s enough, don’t let Coach see you fighting or you’ll both be
benched for the next game. You know he will. Be careful. Both of you,” he
warns us but neither one of us look away from the stare down. “Locker
rooms, now! Let’s go!” He claps his hands together, signaling it’s time to
freshen up from the sweat pumping out of us.
With that order, we all make headway towards the locker rooms
for a cold shower because we’re all dripping with sweat. This is when guy
talk commences about their latest conquests, but this time I zone out. I want
to sleep, that’s all I want to do right now.
By the time I’m dressed and ready to go, TJ is waiting outside the
room for me, and we walk back to the car. Reggie is meeting Cas, so it’s
just us two.
“You wanna go to the girl’s dorm? You know, just to check on
them? See if they’re all good . . .” He’s trying to think of the best excuse but
I see right through him. We both know this, because we both want to see
them. So, we’re both smiling like idiots at each other, both knowing what
we’re thinking.
“Yeah . . . just to check on them,” I beam back knowingly.
With that, we buckle ourselves up and drive towards the three
amigos’ dorm room. It didn’t take long for us to be parked facing the
terracotta building, the sun shining on the windward side. A small number
of leaves are gathered around the ground, nestling up in a whirl when the
wind catches it.
TJ and I keep walking, through the lobby and up the elevator. It’s
quiet; it’s never been like this when we’re both here other than at nighttime,
but it’s daylight and it’s strange. Usually, there’re throngs of girls occupying
the space and we have to maneuver our way through the sea.
Pressing the fourth floor, TJ rests his head against the steel wall.
“I’m so beat,” he says in a lethargic tone. I sigh, silently agreeing with him.
I’m exhausted. They worked us super hard today. I suppose it’s becoming a
little more pressurizing this time of the season with the championship at
stake. We’ve won it for the past five years, and I plan on keeping that streak
going.
The bell above the door tells us we’ve reached the floor. “They
better have some food!” I joke. TJ chuckles and checks his phone.
“How do you have the energy for food? I want to just lie down
and not move for the day. And night, preferably.” TJ knocks on the door
and we wait for someone to answer, hoping they’re home.
Haley opens the door wide and sees TJ. She grins at him and
lunges for a hug from him. I see Carter sitting on the sofa with her arm
resting on the back of the seat and her chin on top of her arm, staring at me.
Once we make eye contact, she starts to grin while trying to hide it, but I
know she’s happy to see me the same way I’m happy to see her.
I walk over to her and she stands up to give me a hug of my own.
Instead of this, I bend down and sling her tiny body over my shoulder.
“Nick!” She giggles into the back of my shirt. I walk us into her
bedroom and shut the door.
“I’m so tired and I just want to fall asleep,” I tell her. She once
again laughs as I lay her back on her bed with a small bounce. I feel a
sudden growth looking down at her with those gorgeous blue eyes.
“You have your own bed.” She grins up at me, and she couldn’t
look cuter even if she tried.
“My bed doesn’t have you to cuddle.” I wink as I climb up her
bed and lay down. She’s still at the foot of it, smiling at me. I pat the space
beside me and get comfortable.
She rolls her eyes, trying not to smile, but she fails miserably. She
crawls up beside me and settles right next to me. I lift my arms up and pull
her body into mine so her head is resting on my chest. Our legs are wrapped
around each other, holding on to one another. This feels so right. “This is
exactly what I needed . . .” I shut my eyes and they’re not opening anytime
soon. They’re too heavy to open back up.
I feel her kiss my cheek and smile to myself. Dozing off into a
perfectly deep slumber, I dream about different things. Football, family, and
Carter. The perfect trinity for me.

* * *

Carter
He’s snoring softly beside me. He fell asleep instantly when I
wrapped my arms around him. He breathes rhythmically. I shift my head
back a little to stare at him.
I take in his once sharp features that have now softened. The line
between his brow is there from the frown he’s probably worn today. I know
he was at football practice, I know he’s super tired too. We were up all night
talking last night and neither one of us wanted to hang up.
But I fell asleep while I was still on the phone with him. I woke
up with it next to me and the battery dead. I remember that he had called me
after he dropped me home from our date. Last night was so special to me, I
will always remember it as the most perfect date I’ve ever been on. I’ve
read so many romantic novels, and I felt like they didn’t even compare to it.
I felt like I was on cloud nine the entire night. When he held me to keep me
warm, that’s when I knew that I really liked this guy.
I was so tired last night that I didn’t even realize that I had fallen
asleep. Then Danielle banged on the door telling me I was late for my first
class. I raced around the room, trying to gather my things, but as soon as I
got into the class all I did was fall right back to sleep.
The girl next to me woke me up because she wanted to get out of
the row and I was blocking it. As soon as I left the auditorium, I decided I
needed to go back and sleep before my next class. That’s what I did, I
plugged my phone into the charger and set an alarm to wake me back up so
I can attend the next lecture.
 Once the alarm went off, I felt a little more awake and walked to
my next class with Danielle, who was in the same building but had a
different class. I’m glad she was there with me, because we saw Maya and
her friends hanging around in the hallways. When they caught our stare,
they watched us move like a hawk trying to scare us both, to intimidate us
enough to get us to leave. But it wasn’t her building, I’m allowed in it and
can freely move around campus. She doesn’t own the place.
She has no right to make us both feel like we don’t belong here.
She’s a horrible person, and everyone is now realizing that side of her.
People have backed away from her, even the football team, who greets me
every time they see me. I think that’s from Nick’s influence more than
anything.
Once that lecture was finished, I came home and met Haley in the
dorm. She was getting super excited about going on a date with TJ tonight
and was squealing every five seconds when she found “the perfect outfit.” I
sat in the living room with my laptop, half watching TV, trying to make
some notes from the class I fell asleep in.
She was running around like a headless chicken having a panic
attack every five minutes like she always does when he asks her out on a
date. It’s cute, she likes to make everything perfect for him and her. She’s so
into the relationship; she has been since the beginning and it’s cute to watch
her fluster over him.
Right now, I can hear them mumble to each other through the
walls. I know they’re most likely doing the same as me and Nick, just
laying with each other and talking. But the big meaty guy next to me has
fallen asleep and he looks so adorable.
I decide I’m not going to fall asleep because I won’t be able sleep
tonight, so instead, I try to reach across to get my book that’s behind him. I
inch closer and closer, trying not to wake him up. He looks like he needs a
good sleep today, and I don’t want to ruin that for him. I push my body
closer to his, allowing my fingers to reach the tip of my book. Almost got it.
Then he stirs around beside me and flips onto his back. I feel two
strong hands pull me across. My entire body is on top of him. His bulging
biceps wrap around my waist holding me in place and I start to giggle
quietly.
 “I like this better,” he mumbles to himself, and I wonder if he’s
actually awake right now. I don’t move because I’m so comfy, until I realize
my lids are starting to close on their own and I snap them back open.
I can’t fall asleep again or I won’t be able to tonight and I’ll be
worse tomorrow. I reach over and grab my book again, this time actually
getting a hold of it. I try to roll myself off him, but his grip tightens around
me. I laugh silently to myself and try to do it again but he holds me close to
him.
“Stop trying to get away from me.” He laughs and I join the party.
“I’m not, I’m trying not to fall back to sleep, actually. I won’t
sleep properly tonight and you’re too comfy. I’m going to read, I’ll still be
next to you though,” I convince him to adjust his grip. I shuffle up the bed
and lean my back against the headboard. His eyes blink open again,
watching me.
“I don’t like the position you’ve got going on right now.” He
points his finger at my body and trails it up and down. Compromising with
him, I pat my legs for him to lay his head on but he shakes his head.
He moves his head to my stomach and rests it there, cupping his
large hand around the side of my waist. I laugh, making his head bounce up
and down. I stroke his hair with my hand while the other rests on his neck,
holding up the book on the last page I read. He’s humming at the small
touch as I stroke his hair with my fingers.
I let my mind wander while I listen to him softly snore once
again, his finger twitching every so often on my waist. Sometimes, he traces
small circles and patterns on the material of my top.
I continue to brush my fingers through his hair while I open up
my book. My mom recommended this new book, the one that every woman
in the entire country is ranting and raving about. “Rodeo Nights.” I thought
it would be a good romance, but it’s turning into an erotic novel and I’m not
so sure if I’m liking it or not? I can’t put it down, but at the same time, it
makes my eyes widen when I read a sex scene.
I’m as innocent as they get, this is the only type of sexual
experience I’ve had, and it also makes me wonder why on Earth my mom
thought it would be a good idea to read this book.
It’s like she wants me to experience it. I’m not going to lie, the
first sex scene I read had me panting like I was Lori Whiteman getting the
royal treatment. Then I remember when I was cleaning Nick up at that party
after my date with Ryan. I thought it was his phone poking me, but it
wasn’t. It most certainly was not his phone.
This is the reaction you give me most of the time when I’m with
you.
I remember what he said. I give him that reaction. Surely, that
means he would want me like that? Right?
I don’t even know. I’ve only once ever been in a situation like
this. It makes me so unsure. But I’m so glad I didn’t go through with it. I
really like him, and I know he likes me back. I just don’t know if I’m ready
for that type of thing to happen to me. Maybe if we were “together,
together” I would do it? But we’re both in open waters right now; testing it
and seeing if we’re staying afloat.
Will I ever be ready for that? I sigh to myself, knowing I would
need to be comfortable with the guy I decide to do it with. And I’m very
comfortable with Nick. I just don’t want to rush it. I can’t rush things in
case it doesn’t work out at all. I don’t want to regret my first time with him.
I know he’ll be the one I’ll give it up to, and I know he’ll be sweet about it.
I like him enough to make that decision, but I need to pace
myself. It scares the shit out of me. I want it to be special. I want it to be
with that special guy. He’s that special guy to me. I know he’ll be gentle
too.
He looks like a monster on the outside with his huge build and tall
frame; but inside, he’s nothing but a sweetheart. A big mushy, cuddly, giant
teddy bear.
I look down at him and stroke my hand lightly in his hair, feeling
the softness from it being freshly washed after his training today. He hums
in his sleep. I can hear the soft pants leaving his mouth. He’s exhausted, all
because we stayed up late las night, talking on the phone after the date. It
was the closest thing to being with each other. I didn’t think we should stay
the night together after our first date, I knew he was thinking the same
thing. I missed him, especially after last night.
I wished he was beside me, holding me while we slept soundly
next to each other. He calms me and relaxes me, and I’ve got a feeling I do
the same for him too. It’s like we thrive off each other. I have no other way
to explain it.
 He means a lot to me too. A lot more than any other guy I’ve been
with. I stare down at this man laying on my stomach and curling himself
around my body. He’s not a boy. He’s a man; he looks like one, acts like
one, and is one. He’s built like one. He’s a tank, a monster. But he has the
softest heart—the kindest heart. Initially, I thought the opposite, but I was
so wrong. So very wrong.
He’s the perfect guy.
Every girl in this entire campus would agree with me, but they
don’t know him like I do. While I don’t know everything about him, I want
to. I want to know how he grew up. What he was like as a kid. I want to see
his baby pictures. I want to laugh with him. I want him to tell me stories
about him as a kid. I want to get to know his family a little better. I want
him to feel embarrassed when his mom talks to me about him running
around, chasing girls. Or when he ran around naked in the house. I want to
watch his face light up when he tells me these stories. I want to hear all of
that, I want to relive those special moments with him.
I want to be that girl for him.
I want to be his only girl.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Daddy

Carter
“I’m so hungry, I could eat the freaking table right now!” Haley
nibbles on her nails as the three of us sit patiently in a restaurant. There are
a family of four and an elderly couple sitting in the seats around us. It’s
quiet, but peaceful; it’s just what I need. I hate large crowds and a busy
restaurant, it makes me a little nervous. The people outside are rushing
around because they’re leaving work or are meeting up with someone. It’s
also peak traffic time.
“Tell me about it, I need pizza or something. I haven’t eaten
anything all day today. My classes were long and painful. This week is the
worst, we were given so many outrageous assignments. I feel like all the
professors get together for a night and plan the week they give a shit ton of
work to do,” Danielle swears as she scans the menu.
She never fails to make us laugh when we’re together. She always
has something that’ll make you giggle like a child. Speaking of, the cutest
little boy who is sitting behind Danielle keeps waving at me. He has dark
glowing skin with jet black hair. He’s coloring on the paper place mats
beside his sister. He looks up every now and then, and every time he does
the movement it always catches my eye.
He has a few front teeth missing, which indicate he’s quite young,
despite his lengthy legs.
I wave back once again, and I see his cheek go lightly pink once
again. His dad turns in his seat to see who his mini-me keeps waving at.
Once he sees my hand moving back to greet his son, he sends me a similar
smile. He gently chuckles and shakes his head, turning back to face his
kids.
 “He keeps waving over at you.” Danielle says as I flick my eyes
back to give her my attention that I was giving to the little charmer behind
her.
“Yeah, he’s so cute,” I gush and decide to finally give my
roommates my attention. The buzzing sound of Haley’s phone loudly
vibrates on the tabletop, gathering all of our attention.
“Seriously?” Danielle chuckles over to her and I wonder who it
is? It’s probably TJ, it’s always him. He always calls her every day to check
up on her to see if any of us need anything. But really it’s just an excuse to
call over and see his new girlfriend.
“Okay, so what if he’s needy? I think it’s so cute. It feels good that
he wants me all to himself.” She swipes her phone and answers the call,
“Yes, TJ?” She smirks in a bored tone just to tease him. Danielle and I
chuckle back just as the waitress comes over. “I know, babe. Look, you
need your guy time, and I need my girl time. I haven’t seen them in a few
weeks,” she whines as she plays with her straw.
Uh, Haley, we live with you?
“Are you guys ready to order?” The small brunette girl walks over
to us with a pen and paper in hand. Clicking the back of the pen against the
sheets, she prepare herself for what we’re about to order. I nod and so do
the girls.
“I’ll have the pesto bruschetta with some mozzarella, Hawaiian
Pizza with extra ham, and some garlic sauce on the side. Oooh! Can I also
get a pink lemonade with my main course too?” The young girl scribbles
down Danielle’s order in a flash. I wonder how she got all of that. I’d be
struggling to gather what the hell she just said. Danielle just ranted it off
with no time to spare. “And don’t forget to bring out the dessert menu
afterwards. I need that chocolate fudge brownie all up in me TONIGHT,
HONEY!” She waves her hand around dramatically, making everyone at
our table burst out laughing. The waitress proceeds to underline something
written on her notepad, making me laugh even more.
“That was Danielle, yes . . .” Haley confirms down the line.
“For you miss?” the young girl pulls me back to earth.
“Um . . . I’ll just have a vegetarian pizza.” I close the menu over
and grab Danielle’s to hand it back to the waitress.
 “Would you like jalapeños on it?” she coaxes me, and I feel my
eyes widen. I nod rapidly. “Good choice! They’re so delicious with the
vegetarian pizza.” I can see the desire in her eyes as she writes down my
order. She wishes that I’d share it with her. Not tonight, honey, as Danielle
would say. She turns to face a talking Haley.
“Hang on a sec, TJ.” We can hear him groan on the line and we all
smile once again. “I’ll have a garlic bread with mozzarella and the mighty
meaty pizza with jalapeños too.” Haley smiles at the waitress and she leaves
to give our orders in. I have a feeling it’ll be quick enough because there are
not many people here tonight. “No, TJ, this is a girl’s night, and we’re
having a slumber party too.” She smiles and rolls her eyes. Next, she lets a
bellowing giggle escape her mouth, once again, letting it echo around the
restaurant. “No, TJ, we don’t wear pink on Wednesdays too!” Danielle
snorts, and I smirk back at her. We make eye contact and she rolls her eyes
in a lively manner. “Yes, we’re at Dodo’s Pizza . . . No, you’re not allowed
to come ov— . . . TJ, no!”
Haley starts laughing stridently at the phone. She flips her hair
over her shoulder and leans back on the seat, staring at her nails like they’re
the most fascinating thing in the room.
After about ten or so minutes of trying to convince TJ he can’t
join our girl’s night out, the appetizers arrive, and the two girls have the
biggest eyes and the largest of grins on their faces. They’re so hungry that,
if given anymore waiting time, they would have successfully eaten the
table. Their stomachs were growling upon its arrival, and they couldn’t wait
to dig in.
I hear lots of “Mmmm’s” around me as they dive headfirst into
the meal prepared for them, one that looks absolutely delicious.
“Ugh, this is hitting so many spots right now!” Danielle sighs as
she bites into her food. Her bruschetta looks and smells to die for. She
pushes it into my face, wordlessly telling me to have a bite. So, I do. I bite
into the dough and sigh at the taste too.
“That’s so good . . .” I mumble through the food as I cover my
mouth with my hand. I chew on it, getting a burst of flavor with each piece.
While I’m lost in the taste, the trembling of my phone catches my attention.

Nick: so you girls are having a slumber party? xx

 Me: yep, food first, then movies, then girl talk xx

I laugh at how long it took for him to be told by TJ that none of us

were available tonight. No doubt in my mind, he’s not happy about it.

Nick: where is my invite? xx

I laugh a little at his message. He’s definitely complaining on his

end. I just know he wishes to come join us, just to see what we get up to on
our nights together.

Me: you don’t get one. You’re not a girl �� xx

I laugh loudly at my own message back to him. I can so tell he

wants to join our little party, but that’s not happening.

Nick: Awww come on! How come TJ gets to go? Xx

When I read his question, I whip my head up to Haley, who has a

mouth full of food. She raises an eyebrow at me, wondering why I have a
surprised look on my face.
“Did you know that TJ is coming right now?” I ask her and her
eyes widen once my words click. She scrabbles on the table for her phone
to call him.
“Oh no he’s fucking not! I swear to God . . .” She leans back to
face the ceiling, silently praying for the Lord to give her all the strength in
the world to not kill her new boyfriend. “TJ! I swear to God you better not
be co—get out of that car right now! TJ, I’m not asking. Turn around or I
won’t be happy . . .” she continues the rant while I text Nick back.

Me: he’s not supposed to be and Haley just flipped. safe

to say, he’ll be returning shortly xx
Nick: he’s not going to be happy one bit.... but let’s get
back to that slumber party you all have planned. Can I come? Xx
 What a cheeky guy. Why does he want to come to an all-girls
slumber party? Where there will be gossip, girl talk, and chick flicks?

Me: why do you both want to come? Xx

I ask him, wondering why they both want to come see us so badly.

Nick: uh... because Carter + sexy pyjamas = a very

happy Nick. That’s why xx

I feel my cheeks go bright red and cover my face away from the
girls who I know are staring at me. I can feel their eyes on me. He had to
say that, didn’t he? I never understood why guys always wanted to be
around a slumber party. Now, I do. They think that it’s going to have sexy
pyjamas, or lingerie and girls bouncing up and down with excitement
during pillow fights.
That’s the furthest thing from the truth.
It’s all about Ben and Jerry’s, green face masks that make you
look like you crawled out of seaweed, a ton of cake, embarrassing dance
moves, and your hair tied up into a hideous messy bun. That, ladies and
gentlemen, is what actually happens at a slumber party.
What the girls do in the movies, with pillow fights in their
underwear and such, doesn’t actually happen. Unless you’re one of those
cool girls, which I am not.

Me: That’s not how it goes �� xx

I laugh out loud a little once again, thinking everyone else is in on

the joke, but they don’t have a clue as to what I’m laughing about.

Nick: tell me how does it go then? �� xx

He’s such a flirt sometimes, and I can’t help but blush at what he
does. He does this all the damn time, and I always seem to have this grin on
my face.
 I don’t answer him for a little while because I don’t know how to
do this. I don’t know how to flirt back over the phone. I’m so bad at this
kind of stuff. I laugh to myself knowing that I’m not that girl, I can’t do
what Haley and Danielle can do. They can flirt with ease, while I’m an
awkward potato with a face drawn on its skin.
As you can tell, I’m really nailing this right now.

Nick: come on, give me some sort of detail of what you do

at slumber parties, seeing as I can’t come over and see for myself?
Xx

I can almost hear the teasing tone in his voice. I still don’t answer
him. I don’t even know where to start with the non-sexy acts and fun we
have at a slumber party. I don’t want him to be turned off by me.
When the two of them have finished eating, my phone buzzes
away on the table. Without even looking, I know who the caller is. I lift my
screen up to see if I’m correct, and I am; Mr. Jackson himself, with the
photo of the two of us lighting up my screen.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell the two of them. I know they both want
to hear what we we’re going to talk about, but I won’t let them.
“Hi,” I answer him as soon as I leave the air-conditioned
restaurant.
“Hey, are you okay? Do you want me to come get you guys?” I
can hear the clanging of his keys as he plays with it in his hand. I know he’s
serious about coming to get us.
I hear what sounds like TJ saying “I’m coming with you” in the
background. I shake my head, only to realize they can’t see me.
“Yeah, everything is fine.” I giggle at how cute they’re both
acting tonight. They can’t leave us alone for five minutes. They both need
us more than we need them. “And you both should stay where you are.
We’re fine, we’re getting food and having our girl time,” I order them to
stand down. Haley will definitely not be happy.
“Are you sure? I can come get you guys and we can have a night
in? Then I can stay over in case—” I wait for him to finish off his sentence
but he’s taking a long time.
 “In case of what?” I ask curiously. He’s taking his time replying to
me. “Nick? You still there?” I ask, wondering if he got cut off.
“Uh . . . yeah, I’m still here.” He stops again and I’m waiting for
him to continue talking, but that doesn’t come.
“Nick? In case of what? Is there something that’s going to happen
to us?” I ask, a little on the edge.
“No! No, nothing will happen. I just . . . Well . . . I don’t know? I
really don’t know where I was going with that, to be honest.” He laughs but
he sounds a little nervous. I quirk my eyebrow into the carpark like he’s
standing right in front of me.
“Are you su—”
“Will you go out with me again?” He cuts me off in a hurry. I’m
stunned into a silence. The tables have turned, and I’m now quiet. When I
finally process what he had just asked, I can hear him still talking to me. He
wants another date?
Oh my god! He wants another date!
“Yo? Carter? You still there? And breathing?” He laughs at me
and I snicker back.
“Yes, I’m still here; and yes, I’m still breathing; and yes, I’ll go
out with you again.” I take the phone away from my ear and do a small
dance to myself, not caring if I have an audience. I’m sure I do, but I don’t
care. I try not to let out a huge squeal.
I place my phone back to my ear and I can hear him breathing
down the line. He clears his throat and speaks again, “Alright, cool!
Amazing, um . . . I’ll text you later and tell you the details . . . Alright,
cool!” he repeats. I know he has no idea what he’s saying right now and it’s
absolutely adorable when he does that.
“Cool! I can’t wait,” I whisper back. I don’t know why I turned so
timid, but my voice is in awe of what he just blurted out. “Did you call me
to ask me that?” I wonder.
“I’m not going to even attempt to lie. Yes, that’s the main reason.
And I kind of miss hearing your voice. I haven’t seen you since Monday
and . . .” There he goes again. He stops mid-sentence. I don’t know what
he’s thinking. He goes from rambling to silence like a flick of a switch. “I
miss you.” Those three words send my heart soaring high into the sky. The
slight flutter of it in my chest has me smiling inside and out.
 I have never, in all my life, heard a guy tell me he misses me.
Outside of family, of course. Hence, why my cheeks are hurting from the
silly smile on my face.
“I miss you too, Nick,” I tell him, because it’s the truth. I haven’t
seen him because he’s been training extra hard for football these days. He’s
tired almost all the time nowadays and all he wants to do is fall asleep, eat,
do gym work, and train.
“So, do you need me to come over tonight?” I lose it and start
laughing at him. I can hear he’s chuckling too. He just wants to come over
and see what girls do for slumber parties. Not happening.
“Nick, no! You guys can’t come over!” I continue to laugh at how
endearing he’s being. I really miss him too, but it’s girl’s night tonight. I can
see him all day tomorrow.
“Fine, I’ve got a game tomorrow. I expect to see you there! Cas’s
house is hosting the party and you guys are definitely invited. And you’re
coming with me!” I beam at the last part. I’ll make sure to be there with
him. If he wanted me to go, I would have gone if he just asked properly’.
“What if I don’t want to?” I tease him.
“You’re coming, Steel. You don’t have a say in it,” he orders
playfully.
“What if I run away and you can’t find me?” I tease again, and I
hear a small chuckle leave his mouth on the other end of the line. I’m
standing outside on a small deck overseeing cars zooming by behind trees
that have overgrown. I hear the small hiss of the leaves when the wind
flows over them and makes them move, along with my hair. I fix it while I
speak and wait for a response from him.
“I will run after you, hunt you down Liam Neeson-style, and tie
you to a chair at the place I’m going to take you on our date and make you
smile if I have to,” he jokes making us both chortle at his tactics. “But
seriously, I get that you don’t like parties. We can leave after a few hours if
you want, it’s just . . . I’m co-captain, and I need to be there for the team
afterwards.” I nod in understanding but remember that he can’t see me,
again.
“That’s fine, Nick. I’m getting used to it. I know where I like
being best at a party, so once I’m there, I’ll have no problem,” I tell him he
doesn’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.
 “And where’s that? Outside?” I grin like a fool at the way he
linked it all together like he’s been paying attention to where I’m most
comfortable at a booming, crowded party.
“Yes, outside. Like that time when we were all talking outside,
that was fun,” I assure him. That’s the same night we kissed. Our very first
kiss together.
“I remember that night so well.” His voice drops to a lower yet
softer tone, and it sends a raging shiver up my spine, making me shake
slightly. That was so sexy.
“Me too.” We both know what we’re thinking. That kiss—the one
that led to another, and another. It was amazing. Not that I had a long list to
compare it to, but it really was. I liked the way his arms wrapped around me
and held me while our tongues fought. It was perfect. “So, I better get back
inside before my food arrives and then it’s cold,” I tell him, but I still have
the desire to stay on the phone with him.
“Alright, text me later and let me know what you guys are up to.
And if we’re allowed to come over.” He laughs a little at the end,
emphasizing the word “allowed,” like we’ve banned him from seeing us
tonight.
I giggle in response. “Okay.” I playfully sigh like it’s a chore and
he’s the parent. “Daddy,” I say jokingly. I can hear his breathing turn sharp
and rapid. There is a moment of silence between us again, but this time, I
am the one who’s confused.
“Jesus, never call me that again unless it’s in the bedroom, Carter.
Fuck!” He holds his breath.
What did I say? I don’t get it? I only called hi—oh . . . shit.
Oh shit. Oh shit! Oh SHIT!
I get it.
Oh God, that’s so embarrassing. What is with me and my stupid
mouth these days? I really need to think before I speak. Dammit.
“Bye!” I hang up without listening to his response. “Why the fuck
did you say that! What the hell, Carter!” I scold myself, and I can feel my
entire body go bright red like I’m in a sauna. “I just called him ‘Daddy’!” I
scold myself. This is so embarrassing.
I decide after a while and some calls from Nick, which I ignore, to
amble back into the restaurant and back to my seat. I place my phone down
beside me. That was my first mistake, because it kept ringing and ringing
and ringing.
I watch it light up with his name on it; call after call after call.
“What did he do?” Haley asks while I stare at our picture. She
thinks Nick did something, but he didn’t. It’s all on me. I know it probably
seems dramatic, but I’m so embarrassed right now. “That bad?” She starts
to laugh and I flick my gaze up to her laughing while drinking her Diet
Coke through the clear straw.
“Actually, it was me.” I cover my face with both hands feeling
myself heat up again. I groan loudly in the restaurant not caring. The only
thing I care about right now is the fact that I just called Nick ‘Daddy.’ I’m a
walking embarrassment. “I called him . . . ‘Daddy,’ ” I confess.
Silence falls on the table, and the two of them break out into a fit
of laughter— cackles, actually. I still didn’t look up. I’m glad they find it
hilarious, because I don’t.
“You just called my brother . . . ‘Daddy’? Oh . . . my God! He’s
going to love that!” She continues to shake with laughter as I swipe my
fingers apart to look out and see them both wiping their eyes and still
laughing at me. As if I’m not already embarrassed enough.
“Carter! I didn’t know you had a kinky side to you!” Danielle
winks at me and I roll my eyes at her playful chide.
“Can we not right now? I’m so embarrassed.” I groan at their two
smirks.
“There is nothing to be embarrassed about, seriously. Nick will be
thinking about that twenty-four seven!” I don’t know what’s weirder, the
fact that he’s going to be thinking about that or the fact that Haley just told
me he will. “My brother is always super horny.” She’s making it worse—so
much worse. Danielle picks up on that.
“Haley, not helping,” she comments with a grin on her face but is
silently telling her to zip it.
“What? He is—Wait! Are you . . . a virgin?” she whispers the last
part and thank God, she has some sense when asking me. I swear, if she
asked it while surrounded by people, I would have walked out on them and
told them I’d meet them at the dorm.
I nod back at her question and she leans her head back. “I never
would have thought,” she mumbles, and I get a little.
 “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask her with a little edge to my
tone. This catches her off guard a little.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I swear.” I soften my expression when I
know she genuinely didn’t mean it like that. “I just . . . thought you already
gave it up? That’s all. You’re a pretty girl, I just thought . . . I’m sorry,” she
apologizes and now I feel bad for doing that to her. I just don’t feel so good
right now. I easily get embarrassed and I’m not experienced in this area, so
it’s extra embarrassing right now.
“It’s okay, I’m just embarrassed. That’s all. I’ve never . . . you
know . . .” I bob my head hinting at the thing I can’t even say out loud.
“Had sex?” Danielle asks out loud with no shame, and Haley and
I both hit her for announcing that.
“Would you like a microphone while you say it? I’m pretty sure
the guys in the kitchen didn’t hear you,” I whisper in irritation at her.
“Sorry.” She holds up both her hands in surrender like I’m
holding a gun to her head.
“Can we drop it? Yes, I’m a virgin, and it’s embarrassing to be
one in college. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in this college who is an
honest to God virgin right now.” I fidget with my glass of water as I wait
for the food to come out.
“Well, at least you’re a rare species.” Danielle giggles, making me
smile and Haley laugh too. They always know when to leave it alone with
me, and it’s the same with them. I always know when to drop it. So, I’m
glad they don’t want to bring it up anymore.
If they did want to speak about it some more, they couldn’t
because the aroma of our food being set in front of us was overpowering
and it shut everyone up really quickly. The food looked so delicious, it
made our mouths water. God that smells good.
The first bite was the best. We all moaned to the taste, but straight
after, Haley followed it up with “Fuck off, does she have a tracking device
on me or something?”.
I spin my head around to face the door to see the one girl I really
don’t want to see or speak to, especially because my lawyers advised me
against any contact with her unless it was for self-defense. They’re working
on a restraining order against her. It’s leaning towards me, seeing as the
college finally coughed up the security tapes thanks to my dad.
 The click of her heels makes me rotate back around and ignore
her, but I can’t when she comes right up to our table to comment on our
eating habits.
“Greasy pizza girls? Shouldn’t you be eating a salad or something
a little less . . . heavy?” The way she said that word implies something a
little more than what she meant. We all stay silent, not wanting to entertain
the thought of actually responding to her and her friends.
While they laugh under their breaths, we continue to eat and not
listen to their horrible comments. It’s because of girls like them that eating
disorders begin in innocent and self-conscious girls.
“Shouldn’t you get a tic-tac the size of a biscuit before you
comment on our food. Your breath is kind of making me nauseous,”
Danielle says sarcastically as she rolls her eyes, but continues to eat her
pizza. I smile into my food for that quick comeback, one I sure as hell
wouldn’t have been able to respond with enough attitude.
“I’m sure that’s the reason why you have a boyfriend. Oh wait . . .
you don’t.” She places her hand in her hip and points the slice hovering
over Danielle’s mouth.
“Neither do you, you dumb bitch,” Danielle says back with a
growl, and I almost choke on my pizza with her brutal retort. That lights a
fire in Maya’s eyes as she leans over the table towards Danielle but Haley is
on her feet, backing her up and away from us.
“Leave, Maya. Get your food and leave us alone. You’re not
going there with us. Not today, not ever, so leave,” Haley speaks lowly to
not draw attention to our table, but it’s too late. People are staring at the six
of us. All the while, I keep eating my pizza happily; grease and all.
“I have a right to be here, Haley, you can’t make us leave,” she
spits back, stepping forward into her space. I stand up and tug on Haley’s
sleeve, getting her attention. “Oh, Saint Carter to the rescue,” she
comments. I roll my eyes and ignore her childish jab.
I don’t have the time nor energy to even respond to her and her
ways. All she wants is a rise from me and evidence to go against me in the
restraining order so she can continue to taunt me. That’s not going to
happen.
“Don’t worry, ladies, the guys will get bored of you all and come
right back to us,” Kelly comments, really pissing Haley off.
 Kelly dated TJ in high school for a while, but TJ only did it
because she pretty much begged him to. “You’re only the rebound,” Kelly
mouths, and that really ticks Haley off. So, she throws a slice of pizza right
into her face—smack bang in the middle—and rubs it right in, ruining her
makeup. I sit there, wide-eyed staring at Kelly with meat and tomato sauce
all over every inch of her face. My mouth falls open.
She just did that. Holy shit, Kelly’s face is smothered in red sauce,
and there’s an odd pepperoni hanging on for dear life.
The two other girls behind Kelly gasp and stare at Haley. Then an
older man walks over to us. I suddenly know who he is. He’s in a suit and
tie, has salt and pepper hair, and looks like he’s really annoyed. I’m just not
sure which one of us he’s annoyed at.
“Excuse me, you three need to leave.” To my surprise, he points at
the three girls standing over at our table, his thick southern accent evident
and tanned skin striking. He’s pointing at the ones who caused trouble and a
scene. I, for sure, thought he would ask us to leave because Haley threw the
pizza slice at Kelly.
“What? She’s the one who threw the pizza at me! She should
leave, along with the other two bitches too!” Kelly waves her fingers at
Haley, then to Danielle and me.
But the manager isn’t having any of it. He simply shakes his head
and points to the clear doors they came in just moments ago. After a while
of just staring at him, they finally decide to leave, but the girl who was
serving us meets one of the minion’s stares that I, undoubtedly, picked up
on. They both glare at each other for a while, and the dark-haired girl
finally leaves out the doors. All of us are watching them as they glare at us
while walking back to their car. All of them are unhappy about this not
going their way or the way they had planned when they saw us all eating
here.
“Your meal is on us today.” He raps his knuckles on the wooden
table and leaves.
What? What did he just say to us? I flick my attention back to my
roommates and they seem equally as puzzled as I am.
We watch his retreating frame as he leans in and kisses the
waitresses head before he disappears behind the double doors. Now that I
get a good look at her, they look alike. They must be related somehow.
 We’re eating our pizzas that are happily paid for by the manager.
The waitress walks over to us to check and see if everything is alright. We
all nod with huge grins on our faces as a sign that the food is delicious.
“You were right about the jalapeño’s,” I comment and she beams back at
me.
“Can I just say, I wish you aimed a little more left?” she says to
us, and I’m wondering what she’s talking about. So is Haley, because that’s
who she’s talking to. Haley furrows her brows and continues to chew so she
can speak without a mouthful of food.
“Um . . . I don’t know what you mean?” she speaks finally and
puts her slice down so she can converse with her.
“The pizza? I wanted you to get the brunette—”
“Aid?” Her head whips around to the front door again and we all
see Rob. Or is it Ryan? I can never tell the difference, other than Rob is a
lot quieter than Ryan. They’re identical in every way except for their
personalities; they’re polar opposites. But it’s not just him standing at the
door. Nick and TJ are there too, right behind him.
“Rob? Wh—” she stammers out, not believing he’s right in front
of her.
“Are you alright?” He steps forward and lets the guys pass
through behind him. All of us stand up to greet them. Nick hugs me and TJ
hugs Haley. Then they move to check on Danielle.
Where the hell did they come from?
And why do they all look so worried?
They all grab chairs to join us and Haley huffs. “So much for a
girl’s night and a slumber party,” she jokes with all of us, but Rob just
stands there, staring at our waitress, who I now know is called Aid.
Probably short for something else; like Adrienne or Adrianna.
“Rob!” There’s a booming voice back by the door, and it’s that
brunette again. I thought they all left. Maybe she stayed and waited for Rob
to come. Why are the guys even here right now? I don’t mind it right now,
so I’m not going to question it further.
I watch the waitress step away from Rob and walk away from
everyone. I’m assuming this is the girl she wanted Haley to hit with the
pizza slice.
“We need to talk,” Nick whispers in my ear beside me.
 “Can we not? I’m so embarrassed, Nick,” I groan a little and bite
my pizza, hoping the food would comfort me. I need chocolate right after
this too.
“Hey.” He takes my chin and directs me around so we’re inches
apart. “Don’t be embarrassed. Seriously, it’s all good, Carter. Just don’t call
me that unless we’re alone and in a bedroom. But there’s no pressure about
it, Carter. I didn’t mean today or tomorrow. When you’re ready, I’ll be
there. I was just flirting and playing with you.” He smiles, attempting to
make me feel better.
I appreciate how nice he’s being about it and feel a weight lift off
my shoulders. I’m not ready yet. This is why I really like this guy. It’s so
natural with him, and he never pressures me into anything I’m not
comfortable with.
“You can call me ‘Daddy’ anytime you want, provided it’s only
between us.” He winks and seals it with a kiss. “Now, give me a slice of this
pizza.” He reaches over and takes a slice from my plate and bites into it.
He’s not going to like it. There’s no meat, and I know him and the guys like
their meat.
He stops and stares down at the slice. “Where the fuck is the meat
on this?” he asks the slice in his hand, but I just laugh at him waiting for the
inanimate object to reply to him.
“It’s vegetarian,” I tell him and bite my own slice. He throws it
back down and a loud scream catches our attention. I forgot where we were.
Our waitress steps back and walks away, but Rob goes after her
and pulls her back. “You hurt me!” she cries as she thumps his chest with
her fists. “I’ve cried over you too many times, Rob!” she tells him, and I
can see the tears fall down her face. I feel so bad for her. She doesn’t need
an audience.
“I know, Aid, I’m an idiot,” he says softly to her. While he pulls
her closer to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes to her. She looks up at the
ceiling and wipes her eyes.
“So dramatic,” Maya’s friend comments while rolling her eyes.
What is it with their group and the way they treat other girls? I suppose
mean girls stick together, don’t they?
“Just leave, Rachel.” Rob turns around and points to the door
where they came in from.
 “Not until I talk with you, Rob! You owe me that!” she screeches
back. I can see her face going a little red with irritation.
Rob sighs and rubs his hand through his hair. I feel a hot breath on
my face, knowing it’s Nick. “The short version; Rob messed up, he slept
with Rachel, on your left, in order to get the girl he’s been in love with for
years, on your right. Adrianna and her family own this restaurant. They’ve
been on and off for a while, mainly because Rob can’t make up his damn
mind. I feel bad for her, she’s so sweet and deserves a guy like Rob when
he’s not fucking around. Pun intended. She walked in on them, even though
they weren’t together, and wouldn’t talk to him for months. Looks like he’s
finally grown some balls and is going to tell her how much he loves her.
Well, I fucking hope so because this shit should be on a soap opera.” He
laughs and kisses my cheek.
I slap his chest, telling him not to laugh at other people’s
misfortunes. That was us not so long ago. He sends me those beady eyes
that say he’s sorry and he keeps requesting a kiss from me.
So, I kiss him on the lips and I hear someone pretending to barf
down the other end of the table. I know it’s Haley and so does he.
“If you don’t stop over there, I will eat your pizza, Haley.” The
sounds stop as soon as Nick finished his threat. He didn’t look anywhere
else other than me while he said it. “Thought so.” He smirks and sits back
in the chair with his hands behind his head.
We didn’t even notice the screaming match happening between
Rob and Rachel. That is very surprising because I thought Rob wasn’t the
hot head; as it turns out, he is.
Adrianna walks away, having had enough of this. I stand up
instantly and tell Nick I’m going to check on her. He smiles with concern
but nods at me to go ahead. I feel her pain. She’s fought enough, and she’s
over it. I can see it on her face. I see her running into the bathroom, alone,
down the short hallway. There’s a part of me that’s glad it’s not me, but
another part of me feels bad that it’s happening to someone else.
I push the door open and hear her sniffle in one of the cubicles.
“Adrianna?” I ask and it stops immediately. “I’m Carter, the
jalapeño loving vegetarian pizza eater.” I hear her chuckle, allowing me to
figure out what cubicle she’s in, but I can still hear the sniffles from her.
 “Hi, Carter . . .” she says after some time of what sounds like her
trying to get herself together. I can hear the roll of toilet paper thumping at
the side and being used generously.
“You want to talk about it?” I ask, unsure of how to approach this,
I’m trying but I know I’m not the best at this type of thing. I haven’t had
many friends for practice. She stays quiet for a while longer. I stand
opposite the door and wait for something—anything.
“I went to high school with Rob and Ryan. We became best
friends in my first year there. I gravitated towards Rob more than Ryan. I
clicked with him more.
“I was new to the school, and he took a liking to me too. We used
to hang out every single day unless one of us was sick. If it was me, he’d
come over and bring me chicken noodle soup his mom made for me; if it
was him, I’d do the same with a little spice in it to make him sweat it out . .
.
“I started to get feelings for him after, like, two months of meeting
him, and at one party we kissed. It just happened, and it was the best thing
I’ve ever felt.” She closes her eyes in satisfaction. “Then I started to get
deeper into the feeling between us. I started to more than like him, and I
wasn’t sure if he regretted it or liked me back. But he was that guy all the
girls loved. He was quiet and mysterious, and there were loads of girls hot
on his tail, but he always hung out with me.
“We never dated because I was always telling myself if he wanted
to, he would have asked me. But he didn’t, so I pushed it aside. And then,
when we went to college, I could see the groupies he had, and we drifted
apart. Mainly due to me and my feelings. I couldn’t watch those girls
hanging around the guy I fell for, you know?” she asks me. I do know. I
know what she’s thinking and it is hard to see that. I couldn’t watch it with
Nick. It was too hard, even when I was so angry with him.
“He slept with her . . . and I walked in on it. That was supposed to
be the night I was going to confess how I really felt about him, and he
didn’t even care. He slept with her.
“Sure, she’s gorgeous, glamorous, sexy, beautiful, and everything
I’m not. So, when I saw that, I hated him for it. I couldn’t even look at him
anymore. He broke my heart, and I had this massive fight with him. I
walked away. I haven’t spoken to him in four months and six days. I’ve
been counting because I miss him so much. I miss my best friend out of
everything. Although, he has texted and called me many times.
“I can’t be around him if he’s going to be with her though. She’s
not a nice person. All he sees is the outside of her—how beautiful she is.
She’s the total opposite of me, she’s a girl I could never be, and that’s
what’s hard. Because he likes that—he likes those type of girls. I want him
to be happy, and I know he’s not with her.
“There’s an old Italian saying. ‘Certe persone sono come alcune
mele... belle fuori e marce dentro.’ Meaning some people are like apples;
beautiful on the outside but rotten on the inside.” At some point, Rob
entered the bathroom. She didn’t even realize that he had joined. I didn’t
want to tell her because I want them to talk. I wanted her to keep talking
about what’s going on inside her head. It’s good to let it out.
She continues, “He’s such a beautiful person, especially inside,
but they don’t even give him the chance to let them see that. I’m glad they
didn’t let him. I’m glad, because then they wouldn’t fall in love with him
too. I’m selfish when it comes to him, but I really know him inside and out,
and I still act so stupid around him. I still fall for him every single time I see
him.
“He’s not an apple. He’s this kind and sweet guy that nobody
really gets to see, but when you do, people will really love him for his true
self. He’s . . . so bright and caring and . . . perfect.
“The best thing about him is when he smiles, not that smirk he
wears with those other girls. The real and happy smile that makes me nearly
faint, you know?” she asks and I smile down at my feet.
“I do, actually, I know what you’re talking about,” I respond and
lift my head to look at Rob, who has his head resting on the wall of the
cubicle next to the one she’s inside of. He’s smiling back at me in a daze. I
know he’s thinking about her, listening to her describing him and how
caring and kind he is, primarily to her.
“Fuck! Is he in here?” she groans. I hear a small smack of metal, I
bet she hit her head against the toilet paper dispenser.
“I’m here, Aid.” He chuckles to the wall that she’s on the other
side of.
“Shit, Rob! You know I hate when you do that. We were having
girl talk with my jalapeño loving, vegetarian pizza eating customer! Can
you not do this right now?” she whines. He laughs even more. I know
they’ll be alright. I don’t know her all that well, but I have a feeling they’ll
be alright.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted to talk with you.” He softens his
approach and knocks on the door to ask if she can let him in.
“Go talk with her,” she says over the door. He rolls his eyes at her
being stubborn and turns his head back to me, shaking his head.
He mouths, “She’s always been like this.” This is probably the
longest conversation I’ve had with Rob. He usually just greets me and
walks away. “She’s Italian too,” he mouths once more and rolls his eyes
playfully and bites his lip.
“She’s not here anymore—”
“Oh, how lovely,” she interrupts him with her sarcastic comment.
“Come on, Aid, come out and talk to me. I hate talking to you
through a door.” He knocks again, begging her to come out and talk to him.
“Are you making that face? Carter, is he making that face where
he’s pouting and blinking really fast with his eyelashes making him look
extra cute?” I chortle because that’s exactly what’s happening with him
right now. He knows how to play with her to get her forgive him. “Rob, you
can’t do that! That’s not fair,” she whines. “I’m not coming out until you
lose that look,” she promises, and he smirks back at me. “And don’t you
dare be smirking either.” He snickers and shakes his own head at how she’s
reading him so accurately when she can’t even see him. “Carter? Is his face
neutral?” she asks me, and I reply with an immediate yes once he shows
me. After the confirmation, she opens the door up and they see each other
again.
“I’ll leave you guys to it.” I wink at her. “I’ll be outside if you
need me, either of you,” I tell them and they both thank me.
Giving them their privacy, I walk back out to our table to see Nick
eating Haley’s and Danielle’s pizza, smiling like a kid on Christmas
morning with a slice in each of his hands. Typical.
I set myself back down and as soon as I do Danielle asks me how
she is.
“I think they’ll be alright, he’s got a lot of work to do. She’s
strongheaded and won’t let him away with anything, but they’ll get there. I
can see they both really care for each other and she speaks so highly of him.
They’ll be fine,” I assure everyone so we can finish off our food and we can
finish off the girl’s night we had planned, minus the boys.
Three hours later, we kept the boys happy by having dessert too,
which was also on Adrianna’s father, who I now know is the manager and
owner of the restaurant. So, staying a little while longer kept them happy,
and they allowed us to continue the night. They did fight it at first, but
Danielle put on the puppy dog eyes that worked a charm with both of them,
telling them she hasn’t hung out with us both at the same time in a very
long time, and it’s the truth.
So right now, we’re lying on my bed with face masks on, hair tied
back, and watching “The Blindside.” Who doesn’t love Sandra Bullock?
“There was so much drama today, Jesus! I’m surprised the three
idiots left us alone. I thought shit was going to kick off and we’d be in a
massive fight, then we’d all be kicked out.” Danielle spoons another scoop
of ice cream out of the tub. She’s had several battles with that tub in the last
ten minutes because it came out of the freezer rock solid.
“I was ready for one. Kelly can be such a bitch sometimes.
Scratch that, all the time. Those three are a real problem for us! Maya is
hands down the worst though. Sorry, Carter.” She laughs sitting back
against the pillow when she finished talking. She’s hyper—she’s had too
many nerds in one night. Danielle gawps at Haley like she has three heads.
“She’s so annoying, like, I see her everywhere,” I complain to
them. I’m usually not the person to really bitch about another person, but
Maya is an exception to the rule. She’s annoying and petty and I’m tired of
actually talking to her, talking about her and seeing her.
I swear, I feel like she hunts me down just to make a point to
intimidate me. You’d think she’d have some sense to leave me alone after I
pressed charges against her and her two sidekicks about ruining my car. I
thought that she’d back off, but silly me forgot she’s not a smart girl and
likes to really put her foot in it.
“Let’s not talk about them and enjoy the movie. I don’t want them
to ruin the good vibes we have right now. We can watch Magic Mike and
take notes for the guys to learn a few moves for us. And to see sweaty and
sexy Channing Tatum grind his hips and thrust . . . I think you get the vision
I’m currently having in my head.” I laugh loudly, followed by the two
others beside me.
 This night has turned into a very fun one from an awful start, but
I’m glad it’s turned out this way. I made a new friend who I know goes to
the same college as I do, one who’s on my side. I can’t wait to see her
again, because I know she’ll be around the house more often now.
And that’s what I need; a new friend.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Scared The Living Soul Out Of Me

Nick
I finally understand when Eminem said “His palms are sweaty,
knees weak, arms are heavy” in “8 Mile.” I know exactly what the fuck he’s
talking about because that’s what’s happening to me right now. Why?
Because I’m on my second date with Carter after blurting it out to
her four days ago. I went a little more casual than last time. Except not for
her, I took her to a scary movie. I’ll bring her for some food afterwards.
Right now, she’s pacing the floor as we wait in line to get our tickets,
drinks, and popcorn. I’m going all out for this girl. She can have whatever
she wants.
Just as she walks by me again, contemplating the movie we’re
watching, I stop her by drawing her to my chest. “You don’t need to worry,
I’ve got you.” I rub her back to soothe the racing thoughts I know she’s
having. Maybe “Annabelle the Creation” wasn’t the best choice, but I’ve
got her. I’ve got my girl.
“Easy for you to say, you won’t be up half of the night wondering
if there’s a person standing by the window when you know it’s only a pile
of your clothes on the desk in the shape of one. My mind likes to play some
awful tricks on me, Nick, you know this.” I chuckle as a response to her
thought process. I know she’s not being facetious about it. Her mind really
goes into over drive after watching scary movies and thinks of all the things
she’s had in common with the main character. If they survive, she’s a little
relieved, but if they die, shit hits the fan inside her head.
“If it’ll make you feel better, I can stay with you tonight? I can
hold you until you sleep? Cuddle you to keep you warm?” I flirt with her. I
can feel the tension dropping away one by one with each comment. “But
not too warm, I don’t want a repeat of last time I tried to keep you warm.”
She leans her head back, contemplating with a small grin on her lips at the
offer I have placed on the table for her. Her luscious lips. Damn, Nick, keep
it together, you haven’t even sat down to be thinking about that yet, you
horny animal.
It’s hard sometimes. Really fucking hard, like junior down low
right now.
“Isn’t it like a rule to not sleep together until like the seventh date
or something?” she asks. I quirk an eyebrow at her, clearly forgetting that
we’ve already slept together. Not in that way, the other way.
“Uh, Carter?” I ask while she hums a response, brushing my hair
into place with her fingers. Losing my mind for a spilt-second, damn that
felt so good. “We’ve already stayed together remember? When you slept
over in my room?” The ruby-red color takes form on her cheeks. I know
she’s remembering.
“Oh crap, I already broke a rule,” she whispers to herself,
slapping her hand against her head and telling herself it was a bad move.
I’m highly entertained by all of this. Rules? What rules is she talking
about?
“Tell me about these ‘rules,’ ” I quote her and she begins to look
everywhere else but me. I pinch her chin between my fingers to bring her
attention back to me. “Tell me.” I laugh at her as she squirms to get away
from me. “You can try all you want, you’ll never get away from me, Steel,”
I joke.
“I bet I could.” She challenges me with a playful stare. I grip her
tighter, and she starts to laugh wilder than ever, squabbling like a little child
in my arms.
“Uh dude, I’m pretty sure she wants to run,” a voice behind me
jokes, and I turn my head over towards stranger having an input. Once I see
him, I watch him lick his lips right in front of me, clearly checking her out
—preying on her.
“Uh, dude, none of your damn business,” I bite back and face
Carter, who looks a little shocked I spoke back to the stranger. “She’s just
fine with me, go lick you lips and check out another girl. She’s taken, so
fuck off,” I rebuke while smiling down at her.
She buries her head into my torso, concealing herself away from
everyone who is gawking at us. I don’t mind, I want the guys checking her
out right in front of me just so I can show them we’re together. I can feel
her vibrate a little in my arms. She’s either crying or laughing, and I’m
hoping it’s the latter. I lean her back to see she is, in fact, laughing a little
but has turned bright red. I settle her back into my chest as we wait for our
turn.
“Next!” someone behind the counter barks to us. We both walk
down towards the young girl who looks like she really hates her job. “What
can I get for you?” she asks in a bored tone, reminding me of Roz from
“Monsters Inc.” You know the one, don’t lie.
“Um, two large popcorns, two sprites, sour patch kids, Hershey’s
bar, and give me some nachos too; with everything on them. What do you
want, Carter?” She rolls her head back and laughs, making me grin even
more. The young girl stares at me, stunned. I could eat all of that if I wanted
to, but I suppose I’ll share with her for tonight. “I’m kidding, that’s for the
two of us.” I smile at her and get a chuckle from her. I got a chuckle from
the crankiest girl in here. I really want to jump up and down just for that
achievement alone.
Once I pay her, we head towards the open doors to the theater, but
she stops and turns to face me.
“You know what? I’m going to just sit out h—”
“Nope.” I nudge her back towards the doors and tread behind so
she can’t run away. “Don’t even try to, Steel. I’m the head quarterback of
Ole Miss. I’m quick,” I remind her, and I could feel her shiver a little.
She mumbles something under her breath but I couldn’t catch it. I
know it was some sort of retort. So, I lean down into her ear and whisper,
“Watch it, little missy. Daddy will give you a good spanking if you’re
naughty for him.” I make her shudder, and I smirk to myself while we
continue into the theatre. To say I’m horny is an understatement. I haven’t
slept with a girl since the last fight we had together before we made up, and
even at that, I regret it because it was with Maya.
I only did it to get back at her, when I shouldn’t have stooped that
low. I shouldn’t have taken it out on her; it was Ryan that I was pissed at. I
was upset with her. I thought I had lost her . . . to him.
But I have her now. She’s all mine for the taking, and that’s what
I’m doing. I’m taking my chances with her. I’m taking it all.
 Carter sits in her seat and places her drink in the wrong cup
holder. So, I lift it back out and stretch across her. I station it into the correct
holder and lean in close to her face. “Give me a kiss.” I smirk as she tries
not to smile back, but once again, she can’t help herself.
We stare at each other for the longest time until I push my face
closer to hers signalling I’m hungry for one now. “Come here,” I order
softly, trying to coax her to me once again. When I see her bite her lip, I
almost growl at her. She looks so sexy when she does that. “Let me bite on
that lip,” I say seductively to her lips that’s between her teeth, and she
releases it and places her lips onto mine.
We made out for a very long time, I bite down on her lip, making
her whimper, and I finally felt what I’ve wanted to feel all along. That little
moan set me off on a kissing spree that made us both miss the first twenty
minutes of the movie. Not that she cared, that was probably her plan all
along; to skip the movie and just partake in a makeout session. Not that I
blame her, I am a very good kisser.
“Maybe . . . we . . . should do . . . what . . . we came here . . . to
do,” I mumble after every kiss. It pains me to stop it, but I also want to
watch the movie. Selfish. I know, but I’ve been dying to see it since the
trailer came out. I nip at her neck to make her grip my hair with a little
strength. But Christ, that felt good. The way she touched me makes me
anticipate how she’s really going to touch me.
Okay, time to cool it, Nick.
I yank myself away before I cannot control my urges to drag her
to the restroom and go down on her. I wonder if she has any toys? Or
played with herself? I would love to see that.
Shit.
A little “eep” escapes her lips, and I definitely know she’s
watching the movie now. Her small body cuddles into my bulkier one, and I
cape my arm around her to pull her closer to me. We’re in recliners, and I
come up with a good idea.
I set it back so I’m nearly horizontal. I scoot away from her and
pat the gap next to me. I nudge my head at her to come lay with me. She’s
taking too long to make up her mind, so I take the initiative. Plus, I’m super
impatient when it comes to her. I drag her hand, making her body fall into
the divider separating us.
 “Come here,” I tell her once again.
When she stands up, something is flung at her and a high-pitched
voice yells “Yo! Down in front!” at her. She ducks, but I nearly see red. I
stand up in an instant and tell her to sit down.
“Which one of you fucknuts said that? Huh? Which one?” I stare
at the widened beady-eyes that is regretting what was said. They all turn to
one guy sitting directly behind me. “You?” He gapes at me. I’m pretty sure
he’s more afraid of me than the damn movie. This kid doesn’t even look old
enough to be in here. “Say that one more time to her, and I will rip your nut
sack right off and shove them down your throat! Got it?” He visible gulps
but doesn’t say anything. “I asked you a fucking question, kid. I expect an
answer!” I bellow back and he nods rapidly.
“Who threw this shit?” I pick up a half-eaten Snickers bar in my
hand and grimace at the moisture coating it. That almost hit my girl, and I
expect someone to tell me who the hell had the audacity to through that at a
person.
“Nick, it’s alright—” I don’t even pay attention to her kindness to
give the dipshit that threw this at her a chance. Not in my books.
The rest of the row points to the kid next to the guy that told her
to sit down. Being the head quarterback with impeccable aim, I launch a
vicious throw back at him and hit him square in the chest, causing him to
wince in pain. He sputters out popcorn, coughing it out to get some air.
“You’re lucky I didn’t shove it down your throat, you little idiot. I want you
both to apologize to her right now,” I lecture them.
“Sorry!” they simultaneously say in a rush, afraid I might come
over to them and really give them a piece of my mind.
I plonk myself back down in my seat with Carter next to me. Her
leg goes over mine and her hand on my chest. She cuddles more into me,
reminding me that this is exactly what my parents do with each other on the
seat at home. I kiss her forehead.
“Thank you.” She smiles up at me and I capture her lips once
more.
“Nobody does that to my girl.” I wink, and she buries her own
small head back into my chest. We resume watching the movie, and I can
feel her grip my shirt from time to time when the music hints there’s a scary
part. When it happens, she turns her head away from the screen and places
it into the crook of my neck.
It then hits me square in the face. I’ve never actually felt this way
about any girl before. I know I’ve been with a list of girls, but it feels so
good to have her here with me right now. She feels so safe with me. I have
never sat here in silence with her and just thought about the way I feel about
her.
She crashed right into my life, and I can’t think of a time I was
this happy before I met her. Like, truly this happy. It’s amazing to think that
someone could make such a huge impact on me. Someone so quiet, simple,
little, and perfect. The complete opposite of what I’m used to sleeping with.
My little one. My Carter.
She gives up on watching the movie after a while, with thirty
minutes until the end to be precise. She just lay beside me, playing with the
end of the strings attached to my jumper. I knew she wouldn’t watch it, but
it just gave me more time to hold her. Even though she’s used to it by now,
my tactic still works every time.
She would pull on a string every so often, making it get a little
tighter around my neck. She knows what she is doing, she wants my
attention, and I give it to her every single time. I couldn’t ignore her, it’s
like kicking a puppy; you just don’t do it.
When the credits start rolling and the lights come up, we stay
seated for a while. I’m trying to time when we go to the restaurant for our
food perfectly. We wait until the theater is almost empty, save for a few
stragglers who waited like us; mainly to make out.
“I’m never watching a scary movie ever again, with or without
you,” she groans as I chuckle at her, covering her face like the picture is still
reeling right in front of her.
“You didn’t even watch most of it.” I tickle her making her
scream with laughter in a quiet theatre. She was too busy trying to distract
herself from the whole movie, and that entertainment was by yours truly.
I did hold her pretty close to me for the entire movie. I thought
she would have gotten super scared like last time. I thought she would have
crawled on top of me for some comfort. That’s what I was hoping, but she’s
smart. She didn’t look at the movie a whole lot.
 “Did you know your pupils dilate when there is suspense? Your
left arm also tenses during a chasing scene too. You also chew popcorn
really loud when it gets tense.” She roams her finger across my chest. If
anything, that’s distracting—very distracting.
My fingers twitch to guide her hand a little more south, but I
know this is not the right time for it. She’s not that kind of girl I can coax
into bed. She has told me numerous times that she’s not ready, and my mind
respects that, but my body thinks differently. It wants her—I want her.
Every single piece of her. I wasn’t her first kiss or her first date, but I will
be the first guy to touch her like that. I will be that guy.
“You’re very observant . . . were you watching me the entire
movie?” I ask her as I retreat a little to look down at her gaping stare. When
I see her beam a little, I know she has a small red shade to her cheeks. It’s
just a little dark in here to see properly. There’s light hovering over us, but
it’s pretty low.
“Maybe,” she playfully chides back. After a moment of us playing
with each other’s fingers in silence, she asks me, “Is it weird?” I snap my
eyes back to hers, blue hues reflecting back to me and lit up with so much
curiosity and wonder.
“Is what weird?” I ask, a little unsure of her question.
“The fact that I . . . watched you? Instead of the movie?” She sits
up on her elbow, allowing the cold air in between our bodies to cool us. I
don’t like the feeling. She’s pulling away, and she’s embarrassed.
“I think it’s adorable, Carter . . . I do the same with you
sometimes.” I allow her to relax a little after my own confession. She gets
easily embarrassed, and I want her to feel totally comfortable around me.
We all do embarrassing stuff, including me. I just hope she thinks I don’t.
“Really?” Her fingers come closer to my jaw, and I feel my
muscles tense under her magnetic touch. There’s something about the way
she feels me; when she holds my hand. When she brushes the tips of her
fingers along any part of my skin, I feel like I’m on fire most of the time.
There’s this pit in my stomach when I’m in her proximity. It’s something I
can’t put into words. What I do know, is that I would do absolutely anything
for this girl—anything.
“You’re too cute not to look at.” I wink, making her giggle. She
covers her face with my chest. I let out a little rumble of my own, making
her head bob up and down, adjusting the position of her straight brunette
strands.
“Nick!” She smacks me, and I can’t help but elevate her chin back
up. She protested at first but then admitted defeat because I’m persistent
like that.
“Carter, you are so fucking cute. It’s not even funny anymore.
You’re adorable, little one. You’re sexy, hot, delicious, amazing, gorgeous .
. . I can keep going if you want?” I joke with her, and she beams back at
me. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes at me for being so . . . me. She is
totally amazing, and I want her to know that.
I sound like such a wuss. It bothered me at first. Now? I couldn’t
give a fuck how I sound in my own head. I couldn’t give a fuck how I look
to other guys. They’ve been teasing me about it nonstop. Gage in particular,
that idiot keeps checking in on when he can see her next and getting me to
tell her the offer’s still there if she’s over me.
Jackass.
“You’re cute too.” She flatters me, and we lock our eyes together.
I capture her lips once again. She’s like my crack. I can’t get an adequate
amount of her and her lips. I enjoy the sound of my pulse beating in my ears
whenever we kiss. Her lips are always so soft and taste like honey. It’s like
she wears this balm that entices me to come and kiss her, because every
time I do, I don’t want to fucking stop. I don’t want this to stop.
This is all I need. Right here, with her. This is all I need to be
content.
I flick my eyes up to the empty theater and decide it’s time to exit
before I get any more ideas; particularly, the hot ones where it involves no
clothes and a condom. Shit, time to leave now.
I tug her up beside me and adjust the strain in my pants that has
gone unnoticed by her as she walks away. I mentally curse myself for the
way I watch her perky little butt sway from side to side, singing out to me
to give it a good, hard squeeze. I run my hand down my perspiring face to
stop myself.
I groan silently as I follow her. I push the door open to permit her
to walk out first and I bring her once again close to my body so we’re
pressed together. I place my hand around her shoulders because she’s tiny,
and we stride side by side out of the cool building together. As soon as we
walk out into the dark street, we’re greeted by the sound of skateboard
wheels grinding against the concrete pavement along with young people
laughing and hanging out together. I remember when I did that with TJ. Not
with skateboards though. We always had mountains of footballs at the ready
in the car when the girls started to bitch about others in our year. So, we
would all run around and play a fun game while we waited for them to stop.
“It’s a nice night,” she says with satisfaction as she admires the
sky. Meanwhile, I admire how she looks. Her lips are shiny from the lights
above us in the car park, and I can’t help but gaze at her. She has a glow
around her that you could mistake it for an aura.
I need to stop doing this to myself.
“I agree, it’s stunning.” I’m not even looking up and speaking
about the sky at all. As we near the door of the car, I click the button and
light everything up. My chivalrous side comes out again when I open the
door for her. My mom trained me well as a child to get the door for any
woman. Southern manners, some might say.
Once we’re on the road, I steer towards the restaurant I had
booked for us. It’s not fancy, but I love the food there and want to show
Carter. It’s like a small biker style restaurant with lots of memorabilia of old
rock bands and country singers, with pictures of the owners with other
famous people who have stopped by hanging on the walls.
My dad used to bring me and Haley there when we were much
younger. It’s a special place to me, and I want to share it with Carter. I want
to share certain parts of me with her and hope she does the same. I also
hope that she doesn’t run in the opposite direction.
“Where are we going?” she asks me as she stares out the
windshield, trying to figure out where we’re going. She doesn’t know much
about this area, which is why she doesn’t have a clue. If Haley was in the
car she’d know precisely where we’re going; with a loud squeal as a huge
spoiler.
“It’s a place where my dad brought me and Haley as kids. It was
my favorite place to go to when I was growing up, but he only brought us
when we were well-behaved and didn’t fight for the week, which in our
house was very rare. It still is . . .” I mumble the last bit but I could hear her
laugh in her hand, which put a soft smile on my lips. “If you like country or
rock music, it’s the place most people go. The walls are covered in old
vinyl’s, posters, photos, and concert tickets; you name it, they have it in
some form.
“Ellie loves it too. She worships the pictures of famous people.
She even knows all the old rock bands and country singers thanks to my
parents. When we were growing up, they used to strap us in the back of the
car and blare the music so we could all sing along. As kids, we all learned
the lyrics to a good chunk of them.” I rest my finger across my lips,
remembering all of this with a hint of a grin on my face. “I wanted to show
you where I grew up. This is all what I grew up on.” I point to the fields
outside the glass. “I’m a country guy. I love this place,” I tell the open road,
passing by the old trees lining the road.
“I’m a city girl”—she laughs—“but I spent most of my summers
here as a kid. Just a little more south from here, actually. My parents are
both from this state. They met in college together when my dad played for
Ole Miss. That’s why my brothers went here too, except Chris left early
because he got a contract as soon as he stepped foot in college. My mom
was really unsure if he should just stick it out for a little while longer and
get some sort of degree, but Chris whined enough for the entire year about
wanting to go pro. So, she just let him and he told her he can go back to
college later on. But we all know that won’t happen, he’s lazy when it
comes to studying.” She rolls her eyes heavenward and I laugh at her
reaction.
“That’s why you never played with him. If he stayed, you
probably would’ve gotten the chance. Austin graduated, at least. The both
of them are wrapped up in being famous right now though; Chris more than
Austin. They sometimes forget about me in the hustle and bustle of the
NFL. I miss my brothers a lot. I only get to talk to them when they feel like
it.” I can hear the somber tone when she speaks about missing them a lot.
Her face slightly morphs into a gloomy expression but she masks it soon
after. “They haven’t spoken to me since we’ve come back, same with my
dad . . .” she whispers while fiddling with her fingers.
“It’s prime football time right now, you know? The Super Bowl is
coming up soon, so all the teams are focused. I know both the Chargers and
Giants will be in it like always, and your family is on both sides of the fence
with that battle. I have no doubt in my mind that they miss you too and
they’re not doing it on purpose.” Those three beasts absolutely adore her
and get any chance they have to see her. I understand it too, she’s easy to be
around and to have fun with. Her smile is infectious, and that’s why people
gravitate to her so quickly. Plus, summer is coming up soon, and she’ll get
to see them once again.
“You’re right.” She turns her head around to face me with that
toothy smile that I can’t get over.
“I know.” I wink confidently and turn my attention back to the
road coming up to the turn. “I’m always right. It’s my middle name.” She
shakes her head, a light chuckle escaping her mouth.
“No, it’s not. Aidan’s your middle name.” I feel myself glow at
her and at the mere thought of her remembering my middle name. “Nick
Aidan Jackson . . . It’s a nice name,” She says my name with a hint of
admiration. The way she said it fully caught my attention in an instant. To
hear it in her voice just made my night.
“Aidan Jackson was my grandfather’s name on my dad’s side. He
was my absolute hero and was the one who told me to play football.” I
rotate into the car park of the restaurant, fairy lights dotting around the sides
to help direct you to the entrance of the main door and the route to take to
park. “He and my dad were very close. He bought me my first jersey when I
was a kid as well as my first football. I still have both of them in my room
back home. He’s the reason why I fell in love with the game so much. He
made it fun for me, but my dad was all about the serious part of it. He made
sure I was watched by scouts and reminded me that they were there. He put
pressure on me, and still does to this day. I love my pops, but . . . my
grandfather always reminded me to have fun. In high school, he came to
every single one of my games until senior year.”
And that’s when I hit rock bottom; when I lost him. I lost myself
along with him. I did senseless shit after his funeral. I had already slept my
way around, but I ramped it up a notch after his passing. I would barely
show up for school and practice. I was on the verge of being dropped,
which only pissed my dad off even more, resulting in more disputes
between the two of us. “Do you remember the night we had our first kiss?”
I stop the car after backing into a free space and taking the keys out of the
ignition. I watch her nod back in silence. “And do you remember when I
told you that Maya helped me through a tough period?” The mention of her
name causes Carter to grimace. I feel like I should share this with her. As
much as I really don’t like Maya now, there were times when she would
help me. I lost myself, and she helped me gain the true me back so I was
strong again and ready for the season.
“Yes,” she whispers softly, asking me to carry on.
“That was the time she helped me through a period I really hate
looking back on. I have never felt like that before. When I lost him, I went
to a very dark place. I was fighting, drinking . . . and . . . you know.” I bob
my head, praying she gets the hint. I don’t want to mention the thought of
me sleeping around with other girls on our date right now, but I want her to
know I had an ugly side too. I went through some shit, all of which I
brought on myself. When she nods, I can see her eyes dropping, the small
twinkle in them making my entire heart fall into the pit of my stomach.
“It was the worst time in my life. I had lost one of my heroes, and
I couldn’t cope. I almost lost so many scholarship opportunities because of
how stupid I was. I know you’re not her biggest fan, and I completely
understand, but she did help me through that time when nobody could.” She
reaches across the divider, taking my hand in hers. The warmth of her touch
brings my heart back up. Once again, it’s pounding rapidly.
“I may not like her for the things she’s done, and I still don’t like
her for them, but if she helped you during that time, that’s your loyalty. I
understand that it still ties you two together, but it won’t make me forgive
her, it never will. I will never let her hold that over you, Nick. She did that
stuff to me, not you—”
“What she did to you, Carter, hurt me more than you could ever
think. It wasn’t right, and I’m over the drama she brings. I only give her
credit for that time she helped me, but I’m not tied to her. I have never been
and never will be. I am my own person, I have moved away from her.
Because, truth be told, if I had known you before losing him in high school,
I wouldn’t have gone down that road at all. I know it’s a big statement, but I
know in the back of my mind, if I had you there, none of the shit would
have happened to me back then.” I stop her from thinking the worst. I know
she would have if I hadn’t have stopped her. She’s this light to me. I have
no other way to explain it, but she’s a guiding light that I’m so drawn to.
A few moments pass in the car with the two of us just staring at
each other. When I see the corners of her lips lift on either side, I know it’s
time to make a move towards the restaurant. I push open my door and make
my way around to her. But before she steps out, I move my body closer to
hers, making her head lift back up to meet my eyes. I cup my hands around
her precious face and lean closer to her.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t met you, Carter.” I
kiss her. This one is different from other times. Very different. It feels like a
portion of myself just left my body and moved straight into hers. As cliché
as this sounds, my pulse is like a raging bull seeing red. I can feel my hands
shake as I caress my lips against hers with everything I’ve got. This girl is
so special to me, and I will never let her go. Not in a million years. You will
have to fight me to pull me away from her. This is one of those moments
that I will never overlook either. This is our moment, even if it’s in a
grungy, dark car park. This is an unexpected moment that I’m very much
living through.
When we break and pull slowly away from each other, the twinkle
in her eyes rise once again and that dour expression that I didn’t like is
gone. She looks so beautiful right now.
Taking the breath out of my body, I actually have to remind
myself to inhale. I nibble down on my lip and bring her own to mine once
again for a quick peck. I bow back and help her out of the car, allowing her
to find her own footing. We hold hands and walk inside the restaurant,
getting smacked by the air conditioning. We both sigh at the feeling.
“Hey there! Welcome to the Golden King, my name is Tracey.
How can I help y’all tonight?” the hostess asks both of us.
“I booked a table for two for tonight? Under the name ‘Jackson,’ ”
I reply and watch her scan the clipboard set on the small podium table you
see when people make announcements on TV.
“Ah yes! I found you here. Mr. Jackson?” I confirm that it’s me
once again. “Alrighty then, if you two wouldn’t mind followin’ me, please,
I will show you to your table.” I allow Carter to walk in front of me; mainly
because it’s polite, and also to check her out. Damn, she looks good tonight.
“Here y’all are, best seat in the house!” She winks at Carter, who smiles and
thanks her. “I will send over your waitress now so you can order drinks
while choosin’ what you want to eat.” She has a thick southern accent that
reminds me of my mom when she’s animated or angry.
Once we sit down, a young brunette comes over with an apron
tied around her waist with a pen and notepad in hand. “Hi there! Welcome
to the Golden King. My name is Erin and I’ll be your waitress for the night.
Can I get y’all some drinks to start?” she begins, and I can almost hear my
mom’s voice in my head warning me “ladies first,” so I look over at Carter
so she can take the hint to order first.
“Um, could I have a glass of water and some lemonade too?” she
asks timidly.
“Of course you can! And for you?” She turns her attention to me
and I sit back in my seat.
“I’ll have a Budweiser,” I ask.
“Do you have an ID—”
“No need for ID, Erin honey, their bill is on me.” The jolly old
man that has come to my house more often than not comes over to greet
me. “I knew it was you, son. You sound like your pops!” He chuckles, and I
stand up to meet him halfway his open arms. Beau Halston is the owner and
was my grandfather’s best friend. He crushes me in a big hug me like
always because he’s not a small man by any means. “You and Haley been
good this week?” he teases me, and I can hear Carter laugh beside us along
with me, now getting the background of the joke.
“You could say that, yeah!” I chuckle but he pulls me back,
grasping onto my shoulders to take a good look at me. I haven’t seen him in
years.
“Well, son, you’re looking mighty well, aren’t ya? Just like your
pops.” A flicker of movement catches both of our attention as Carter knocks
all the cutlery onto the floor with a loud clang. “And who do we have here,
huh?” He allows his eyes to wander to my date with amusement in his eyes.
“This is Carter, my date for tonight. Carter, this is Beau, my
grandfather’s best friend,” I introduce them both while Carter apologizes
for her clumsiness to the waitress, who has no problem getting her another
set. She stands up to greet him and puts her hand out in front of her. He’s
not a hand shaker. He only does it when it’s for business; he’s more of a
hugger. He stares at her hand like it’s foreign to him and paces over to her,
ignoring it, engulfing her in a hug instead. “Don’t crush her too badly,
Beau, I want her for the rest of the date too.” I make him laugh as he hugs
her.
“Nice to meet you,” she speaks softly and he turns and to face me
with a beaming smile from ear to ear. I know what he’s about to say too.
 “Oh, Aidan would’ve loved her,” he compliments the shy beauty
standing in front of him. She blushes while he smiles down at her. “It’s very
nice to meet you, Carter. I hope he’s treating you very well, how a lady
should be treated,” he teases me, making her light up and nod. She agrees
that I am treating her very well, and that thought makes me happy. I’m
doing perfectly fine then.
“Definitely, he’s very sweet to me,” she replies to him but is
staring at me.
“Good to hear! I would’ve given a swift talking to him if he
hadn’t been treating a lovely girl like you well.” He winks, making her
blush even further.
“Alright, you have Ellen to be flirting with. Leave it to me when it
comes to Carter, old man.” I tap him on the shoulder and pull him away as
Carter giggles beside us. Beau sends me one of his famous cheeky grins
with a small wink on his face, allowing the crow’s feet to deepen with the
movement. Ellen is the woman he has been successfully married to for over
fifty years. They had three kids that all grew up with my dad and his
brothers. Our families have been close for as long I can remember.
“Alright, I suppose I’ll leave you two kids to it,” he light-
heartedly chides me and turns back around to face Carter, who is still
standing next to her chair with both hands crossed over in front of her and
smiling at him. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Carter.” He takes her hand
like the southern charmer he has always been and kisses the back of her
knuckles like a gentleman.
“It was really nice meeting you too,” she happily replies back
with a delicate blush on her cheeks. Yeah, Beau has always had a way with
the women in town. Before he leaves, he turns on his heel back to face me
and points with a spirited glint in his eye.
“And you, son, next time, don’t take too long to come and visit
me. I’m not getting any younger, as much as I’d like to tell myself that.” He
leaves with a roaring laugh. He’s always in high spirits when I see him. The
only time I’ve seen him sad was at my grandfather’s funeral. That’s the only
time in all my life where I haven’t seen him with his usual smile on his
face.
We both sit back into the old seats and Carter is the first to speak
up, “He reminds me of my granddad.” She watches him talk with the other
regulars with so much ease.
“Really? Your grandfather must be a really good guy, then?” I ask
her and she brings her attention back to me, lifting up the menu to ready
herself to select the food she would like.
“Yeah, he always chased me in the backyard when I’d travel down
here for the summers. He would like you too.” She lifts the left side of her
lips, producing a small but noticeable smirk. “Even though he’s my dad’s
dad, he’s not as strict as my dad or as scary as he is.” She laughs, knowing
she’s reading my thoughts exactly.
That was the first thing that came to my mind when she brought
up her dad. Rodger Steel still, and always will, scare the living shit out of
me. Although, I try not to show it. Especially around him.
The waitress rejoins us to hand us our drinks, and we both request
what we would like to have. I get my favorite, T-bone steak, medium well
with some salad and fries because that popcorn hadn’t filled me up. Carter
orders exactly what Haley orders every time she comes here; Chargrilled
prawns with roasted peppers, fresh tomatoes, basil, and linguine.
The conversation is flows smoothly between us as we shove the
food into our mouths, laughing and joking around about our mutual friends.
We talk about Rob and Adrianna, who have rekindled not only their
friendship but a promising romance. Rob’s mood has lifted tenfold after
talking it through with her. That night, she came with him back to the house
and they locked themselves up in his room, not without a strong request
from Aid to double wash his bed sheets in boiling hot water before she
would lay on it. Stubborn as a mule, Rob would say, but we all knew he
wouldn’t have her any other way. Even Ryan was happy to see her.
“I’m so glad they worked it all out.” Carter blows on her food
before she takes a bite. I agree with her and chew before I answer.
“Rob is a totally different guy now. It’s like we got the old Rob
back. Even Ryan is tolerable now because he’s chatting with her now that
she’s in the house a lot of the time. He’s not on my case taunting me about
you.” I roll my eyes and I see her duck her own head down embarrassed by
that whole predicament.
“I am so sorry about that, Nick. I never meant for anyone to get
hurt,” she apologizes tenderly across the wooden table to me.
 “I know, and it’s not your fault. All of it just happened, so please
don’t blame yourself,” I demand from her.
“It’s hard not to.” She continues looking away from me. I feel bad
that I brought it up now.
“Hey, little one?” As soon as I call her that, she smiles instantly
down at the food laying in the bowl in front of her. She lifts her eyes but
keeps her head low. “You don’t need to be sorry about anything. That’s
between me and Ryan, you just got caught in the crossfire. These things
happen. He needed to know that you don’t talk about any girl like that, so I
made it known to him,” I tell her things she already knows about but I can
still see the sorrow in her eyes reflecting back at me. “I’m serious, forget
about what has happened in the past. Let’s just focus on the now. Live in the
moment with me, please?” I watch her eyes light up with something, and it
stays there for the entire meal we’re having. That simple look has me
wondering what is going on inside that brain of hers?
When I tell her stories about me as a kid, I can see her eyes dance
with amusement and watch her laugh alongside me. She gives me her
undivided attention, even in this crowded restaurant. She pays attention to
all of the mortifying childhood memories that I’m describing to her before
my mom has a chance to really rip me to shreds.
My mom really likes her too, so that can only mean one thing and
one thing only: baby pictures. Now that, I haven’t mentally prepared myself
for. I was a skinny kid until I got a hold of a football and started playing it
seriously. Then I started to date the gym every morning to bulk up, and it
worked wonders.
Staying true to my words and living in the moment, we’re both
now eating dessert. The famous chocolate brownie covered in hot fudge
chocolate sauce that would make a lactose intolerant’s mouth water. There
is a contented silence between us both as we dig into the delicious treat that
was prepared for us. We got double portions because I’ve known Beau my
whole life. I can see her really struggle trying to eat that amount, but also
torn to eat more because it tastes so delectable.
Fighting to pay the bill on the way out was a difficult task because
there was no bill. Carter just giggled when I had to fight Beau to at least pay
for something. His reply was, “You can pay for the water, kid.” I knew all
too well that the water was free here. So, he pushes us out the door. I still
tipped our waitress. Beau waves us off as we leave and we head back to
campus, where I would begrudgingly drop her back to the dorm. I didn’t
want this night to end, but I knew it had to at some point.
“I had an amazing time, even if the movie scared the living soul
out of me.” She puffs out a long and large breath. Her nearest hand reaches
for mine and squeezes it. I replicate her and squeeze it back. Then I
interlock our fingers and caress the tip of my thumb across her butter soft
skin. Everything about her feels so good.
“I had an amazing time too. I always do with you.” I wink at her,
taking my eyes off the road for a quick second. We fall into a comfortable
silence once more. I realize that all the guys have gone to a party that I so
badly wanted to avoid. Going back to an empty house isn’t ideal, but I have
to, one way or another. These fucking rules that someone told her need to
be banished. I mean, seriously? What is up with girls and their dating
rules?
I pull up to the dark terracotta building where there are a few girls
walking around in short skirts and mini dresses, waving around glass bottles
and red cups in their hands. I can hear their shrills of laughter at probably
nothing that’s hilarious. They’re just drunk. So, things can be extra comical
when they’re really not.
I help her out and people stare. I take her hand to comfort her. I
know she hates it when people gawk at her like she doesn’t belong with me.
Quite the contrary, my friends.
She absolutely belongs to me.
Prolonging the inevitable, we take the stairs so we can spend
some more time together and talk about meaningless things. Once her door
comes into my sight, I internally growl at it.
“Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night with me?” I tease
her, knowing all too well what the answer is going to be. She chuckles to
herself, her hair shakes from side to side.
“You know, you really are a charmer, aren’t you?” She peers up to
me with light yet hooded eyes. That look alone sends the blood rushing
down low. It’s been a while, okay?
“Only with you, Steel,” I continue to flirt with her, making her to
chuckle more. She rests her back against the door and I move closer to her
body. A body that I want underneath me. Dammit. “So, can I have my
goodnight kiss?” I ask with a cheeky grin on my face.
I lean in closer to her feeling her hot breath along my lips, and she
takes the hint. We lock lips outside her door once more. Removing my
hands from my pockets, I settle them on her hips. I bite down on her lip to
let my tongue enter and play with hers. I sigh at the taste of her and push
her body more into the door, praying that nobody opens it. Then she really
will be underneath me.
I can feel the desire for her grow tighter in my lower abdomen as
we kiss passionately. Her arms locks around my neck, drawing me closer to
her. Her hips brush off mine, and I groan at the sudden burst of pleasure I
felt. I roll my own and feel her gasp; she’s liking it too.
But it’s time to stop. I don’t want her feeling pressured. Tame
yourself, man. After one last sweet peck on her lips, I step back, this time
for good. “Goodnight, Carter.” I know I have that ridiculous grin on my
face while staring at her, thinking about the million and one positions I’ll
have her in when the time is right. I shake my head to liberate myself from
the sinful thoughts I’m having. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask and watch
her nod.
“Goodnight, Nick!” she waves at me. I walk away from her back
down the hallway I sauntered up just moments ago. The rapid growth of the
large bulge in my pants makes my cheeks flush. My mind is acting up,
again, while I try to adjust him into position so people can’t see how hard I
am for her. Tonight is a particularly bad one, for whatever reason.
As soon as I enter the house, I know it’s time for a very long and
cold shower. I drag my top over my head and fling it on the desk where
there is a bundle of my clothes sitting in a mess on top of my books.
I sit on my bed in the darkness. The house may be empty, but I’ve
got a wide smile on my face. Watching my hands play with each other, I
think about what happened tonight. I laugh a little to myself as I think back
to when I would move from girl to girl. Now, I’m a different person. I like
this version of myself. I enjoy just having her on my mind. No games, no
mixed signals. It’s just so simple.
The doorbell chimes across the hall, and I furrow my brows. I
don’t know anyone who would call around to the house at this hour of the
night. I amble back to the dark oak acting as a safety barrier between me
and the person on the other side. Once I open the door, I feel my brows
shoot up.
“Can I take you up on that offer of staying over?” Carter blushes
with a bag in her hold. Not expecting her to be here, I feel the rush of
excitement to have her standing here right in front of me. I slip my hand
around her waist and pull her to my bare chest, closing the door as a
response to her question.
“You most certainly can, Steel.” I smirk and take her bag from her
grasp, bringing her back down to my room where we can settle for the
night.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I Trust You

Carter
“Here let me take that for you.” Nick holds out his hand,
indicating to me that I should give him my bag. I do as we walk side by side
down the hallway while I try not to freak out because he’s shirtless.
I know I’ve seen him countless times without his shirt, but I can’t
handle it with my hormones.
Once we reach the door to his familiar room, he shoves it open,
the creak of the door echoing through the empty house. He sets my bag
down on the bed and turns around to face me.
“Did you get a little scared?” he teases me, and I flick my eyes up
from his abs to his eyes. I hope he didn’t see me eyeballing at him like that.
I was so obvious.
“I heard some things moving in the dorm, so I packed a bag as
quickly as I could and ran. I could’ve sworn I saw something run across my
door out in the kitchen.” I nod and look around the room to see if there is
anything out of place. I hate that stupid movie for making me so paranoid. I
probably look like I should be in a mental institution.
He leans back, amused by me. I stand there and smile at him
chuckling at me. Well, at least I can make him laugh? Even if I was truly
terrified.
“You know it’s just a movie, right?” He stops after a while and
moves closer to me. Taking my arm in his, he caresses it up and down in a
comforting way. It’s relieving. I knew he’d help my overactive imagination.
“Well, the idea had to come from somewhere, and the doll is
actually real,” I point out and he nods in agreement with me.
“But you have me to protect you. Nothing will get by me.” He
winks. Our bodies are actually touching each other. “I’ve got you,” he
promises me, and I could feel my tense body relax at his words. All the
worry in me exits my body.
How does he do that?
I smile up at him and express my thanks to him. “Come on, let’s
get into bed and get you to sleep. I’ll be right next to you.” He brings me
over to my bag and tells me to take out my pyjamas. I slip out an LA
Chargers jersey with “Steel” written on the back of it. Once I have it, I turn
around to go and change in his bathroom, but something tugs on the jersey.
Once I turn around, I see Nick’s hand is on the other end, stopping me.
“Nick? What’s wrong?” I ask, closing the distance between us.
“I want you to wear mine,” he states plainly. He hasn’t removed
his eyes from the jersey in my hand.
“Wear your what?” I ask, wondering what he’s talking about.
“My jersey, I want you to wear my jersey.” He flicks his eyes up
to me and let’s go of the sleeve. Backing into his closet, he finds his jersey
that has “Jackson” written in the back of it. I smile as he brings it up in
front of him, showing it off to me. “Wear mine,” he asks again. Making the
decision, I set my jersey down onto the bed and secure the jersey from his
hands. As my hand brushes against his skin, goosebumps raise on the
surface.
“Okay,” I reply breathlessly. Once it’s in my hands, I walk into the
bathroom and position it on the sink. Stripping off my clothes, I can feel the
thick ambiance between us. We’re not even in the same room, and yet the
air feels heavy. Sliding down my jeans after kicking off my shoes, I clip off
my bra and stand there almost completely naked in Nick’s bathroom.
He better not have a camera in here.
I place the material over my head, letting it fall around my figure.
It’s large, as I suspected. Falling mid-thigh, but it feels so comfortable. It
even smells like him.
I gather my clothes up from the floor and fold them into a neat
pile, hiding my bra. I have kept my underwear on because my legs go
everywhere at night time and I don’t want to flash him.
Walking back out, I stuff my clothes into my bag and see he’s
already lying in bed with the sheets gathered around his hips. My mouth
begins to dry up.
 “Wow . . .” he greets me. I feel my cheeks heat up from his
attention. “My jersey looks better on you than it does on me, Carter,” he
says as he flatters me in his clothing. “I never understood why guys say
girls in their clothing look sexy, but now I do.” And now I’m bright red. So
red that I could direct ships away from land and be a stand-in for a
lighthouse.
I smile at him, trying to hide my embarrassment as I slip into the
sheets beside him. Act natural, Carter. We do this all of the time.
“You’re so cute when you blush,” he says that to me as I lay down
on the comfy bed. He hovers over me and smiles. This makes me redden
even further. My cheeks are heating up with everything he utters. So, he just
needs to stop talking, and there’s only one thing that can make him stop.
I lean up and kiss him, and he immediately responds with a smile
on his lips. He recognizes what I’m doing. His free hand cups the side of
my cheek, putting more pressure onto my lips. I sense his tongue caressing
mine as we move around from side to side. It’s getting intense. Usually, I
would stop it but for some reason I don’t want to. I want this.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of me.
Our bodies pressed against one other, I bend my leg up over his, and his
palm begins to stroke my thigh. He starts off gentle and then he grasps it
higher up my leg. I lightly gasp at the pleasure.
Trailing his hand higher and higher up my leg, he pushes up the
material of his jersey to reveal my underwear. It takes him a moment to
decide if he wants to swim in that water, but only a moment, because he
perseveres with pushing the material up higher and higher, with no protest
from me. His hands feel too good right now, and I don’t want him to stop.
Gripping my waist, I can feel him grow in length against my inner thigh.
And so can he, he extends a hand down to adjust himself. He brushes
against my core, and I moan out at the pleasure.
“Shit,” he curses after hearing me. I can’t believe that even left
my mouth in the first place. I have never made that sound in my life, I’m
stunned.
We gape at one another for a few moments, trying to figure this
out. He’s wondering if he can do it again; all I want is for him to. It felt so
incredible, even if it was for less than a second. Swallowing hard, I can
sense his hand slowly trail up my inner thigh while we haven’t removed our
eyes from each other. Reaching the cloth covering my pulsing core, he rests
momentarily and checks if I’m okay. I don’t say anything. I can’t think of
anything other than that feeling I had.
He then lifts the material away and brushes his fingers along my
lower lips. Feeling the pleasure as he brushes over that spot again, I gasp
breathlessly. “Jesus Christ . . .” he curses in my ear as he buries his head in
the crook of my neck, peppering kisses as he strokes my outer lips. “You’re
dripping wet, Carter,” he tells me. I know that that’s a good thing.
Sucking on my neck, I moan again when he moves up to the
pulsating part of my private area. When he touches it, a burst of nerves hit
me hard. I moan out for him. “Nick,” I call out to him, and he grunts on my
skin, allowing the pleasure to build. He backs away but keeps his pace
going.
This feels unbelievable.
He’s moving his fingers in a circular pattern while I’m panting
like I just ran on a treadmill for the past hour.
He draws back, and I didn’t even notice that my eyes were closed
until I had to open them to see what’s going on. His mouth connects with
mine before I could ask anything. He releases himself and leaves kisses
down my neck, down the valley between my covered breasts.
Simultaneously, he bunches up the jersey just so it sits below my breasts.
When his warm lips kiss my cold skin down to my bellybutton and further,
I think, What’s he going to do next?
I look down to meet his mischievous gaze as he kisses my hip
bone and down to the sensitive area just above my underwear. Apparently,
that’s my weak spot. Taking the band of my underwear between his teeth,
he pulls it down slowly while he watches me. I’m panting but then I
suddenly realize that I’m exposed. He can see my vagina. I cover myself
with my hands. He sits up immediately and reads my expression.
“Hey, hey. Carter, look at me. Carter, please look at me, it’s just
me.” I remove my eyes from the ceiling and look back at Nick, who is
smiling softly. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just
say the word no and I will stop. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable.”
But I don’t feel like that. I’m just embarrassed that he wishes to do that with
me. I’m not experienced in this department. I have a feeling that this is
going to be awkward. “Do you want to stop?” he asks me and I shake my
head. I see both of his eyebrows rise. He’s shocked by this. I’m giving him
consent to touch me like that. It did feel amazing.
“I’m ready,” I blurt out. His eyes grow wider above me. He opens
and closes his mouth, not knowing what to say like a goldfish.
“A-A-Are you s-sure?” he stammers cutely. His eyes are darting
back and forth with my own. “Because if you’re not, it’s tota—” I cut him
off by kissing him again. Smiling on his lips, I pull him down closer to me
again.
“I want to do this, Nick,” I whisper on his lips.
“Okay,” he says in a daze. I laugh at the face he’s making. He’s in
complete shock. So, what he does next catches me off guard. He locks his
lips again with mine and repeats the process of making his way down low,
kissing my stomach and rolling his tongue along my skin. A breathy moan
unwillingly escapes with his name.
He kisses the inside of my thighs. I start to wonder what it feels
like when a guy pleasures a—
Holy shit.
He kisses my throbbing nub, and I feel that spike of pleasure
again. My hands feel along the fresh cold sheets of his bed. Just when I was
about to open my eyes, his tongue flicks it again, then he sucks on my
opening over and over to increase the pleasure that I’ve never felt in all my
life.
He’s good.
Very good.
Meanwhile, I’m very shit at this. But then again, I am just lying
here while he does all the work.
Good Lord, does this feel mindblowing.
“Is this what an orgasm feels like?” I wonder absentmindedly. I’m
starting to sweat, then I feel a hum of laughter on me. I bite my lip to
control myself.
“Trust me, baby, you’ll know when you’re orgasming.” He
continues to lick me, and there’s this pressure building between my hips;
this feeling that is all so unfamiliar, and I don’t want it to end. The knot in
my lower body tightens and he’s not slowing down. As if he knows I’m on
the edge already, he quickens his speed. My hands clutch the bed sheets
with a lot of strength. Now I know what he means when he said that I’ll
know when I orgasm. Although I felt the pleasure, it doesn’t even compare
to what it’s building towards.
“Oh my God,” I moan, and he doesn’t stop. I can feel my hips rise
up from the bed and my legs beginning to clamp down on his head, but he’s
stronger than I am. He separates them to stop me. “Oh my God,” I repeat
from the sensation. “Nick!” I yell as this feeling has reached its zenith
inside of me. “Oh God!” I arch my back, and my eyes roll into the back of
my head at the feeling while he tries to keep me pinned down to the bed.
I’m panting heavily as my body shudders from the aftermath of that bliss.
I’m still moaning, feeling every inch of my body being filled with that
sensual pleasure.
That felt amazing. The high was so real. The contraction of my
muscles created a response I’ve never felt before.
Breathing erratically, I can feel the warmth of his kisses trail back
up my leg. My body is sensitive to his touch. Now I get why people enjoy
this. It’s addictive, and I understand much more clearly why girls want
more of him.
“How was that?” He kisses my neck sweetly and I smile upwards,
beginning to laugh in absolute hysteria.
“Wow,” I voice to the ceiling. The low rumble of his laugh can be
heard and felt on my skin while I’m still coming down from my high.
“That good, huh?” he mumbles playfully on my skin, and I sigh.
“I want more,” I tell him. He pulls back away from me to see my
face. I feel so addicted to the feeling he had created and I’m hinting to him
to take the opportunity I’m giving him. Not that I’ll change my mind, I have
no doubt that I want him to be the one to take that special piece of me, and I
want it now. I’m ready for him because I trust him.
“What about your rules?” He smirks and I bite my lip trying to
suppress my smile.
“I’ve kind of broken them already, before we started dating,” I
joke with him. The two of us are on cloud nine; mainly me. “Rules are
meant to be broken, right?” I giggle, and so does he.
“You got that right, but are you sure? Are you sure you’re one hun
—”
“I’m sure,” I cut him off. I should probably stop doing that
because he’s going to get annoyed at me. “I’m sure,” I state once more, this
time more confidently.
“Alright. If it’s too much, you can just say so and I’ll stop. I don’t
know how I will be able to, but I will,” he jokes and reaches across my
body to get something. I can hear his drawer opening and a rustle of
something. Grabbing what he needed, he plants it between his teeth and
closes the drawer again. A condom.
Then I start to freak. This is actually happening. I went from
being alright with it to having an internal panic attack. Oh, fuck.
“Woah, woah, woah! Whats wrong?” Now he’s panicking. I can
see the alarm bells ringing in his eyes, the ones I set off.
“I-I . . . Is it going to hurt? I don’t want to be hurt. I have no idea
what I’m fucking doing! Do you go on top or do I? Oh God . . . I don’t even
know if I shaved down there . . . SHIT! Oh my God, I’m a walking
embarras—” He covers my mouth to stop me from rambling. All of these
thoughts I didn’t have before are now running through my head. I know that
this is probably going to hurt like a bitch.
“Okay, Carter, look at me. Hey, look at me.” He leads my face
around to meet his intense, sultry gaze. I can hear my own heart pumping in
my body and I’m wondering if he can hear it or feel it too. “I’m not going
to lie, it will most likely hurt for a little bit. I’m clearly not a girl, so I have
no idea what it’s like on that end, but I will be gentle if you want to
continue with this. The first few seconds will be a little sore, but after that
you will feel the feeling you had when I went down on you.
“I will be on top, but in the future, you can take the reins if you’d
like. I do love a girl on top.” He winks. I giggle and roll my eyes at him and
his cheekiness. I like knowing what I’m getting involved in beforehand or
else I’ll freak out; like what I’m doing right now, only it’s happening during
the activity. “You don’t need to know what you’re doing. I’m going to show
you what to do. And yes, you did shave down there. You just need to relax
and let me do all the work. The girl comes first, in every sense.”
He smirks and rips the foil with his teeth. “I’m going to ask again,
are you sure you want to do this?” He triple checks with me. I take a deep
breath and nod multiple times, demonstrating that I’m fine now.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m ready,” I assure him and myself. I am ready
for this. I am ready for this.
 He smiles tenderly and kisses me delicately on my lips. Not once,
but twice. I didn’t even notice he had already put the condom on. Damn,
he’s a pro at this.
“I’m not going to be good at this. I won’t be like those other girls
you’ve—” He cuts me off by kissing me again, consuming my mouth at
once.
“I don’t want . . . you to . . . be like . . . those other . . . girls,
Carter. I want . . . you . . . to . . . be . . . you,” he whispers after each kiss he
gives me. I melt beneath him and almost lose myself in his lips. The tender
kisses he’s giving is making me drift into a different dimension.
Each kiss tells me a little more about him. That he’s a soft man on
the inside despite his hard exterior; that he’s actually a romantic guy; that
he’s sweet and caring about to the people he lets in; that he’s loyal and
considerate of others. He puts the girl first, in all aspects.
It wasn’t his words telling me to believe him, it was his actions.
Then again, the only thing he didn’t put first was a girl’s emotions. From
those past hook-ups. He only does with me, and I can’t help but feel giddy
inside with that thought.
“Because this is your first time, it will be uncomfortable, but you
need to relax into this. Okay?” He kisses my forehead to calm me down. I
try to relax my muscles while I can feel the calloused hands on my waist,
pulling the jersey upwards. “I want to take this off. Is that alright?” he asks
me first, referring to the jersey he had given me moments ago. I nod. “I
need you to put your hands over your head,” he orders me gently and I do
follow. I rest my hands up above my head and he pulls the soft material
over my eyes. I can hear him growl back.
Feeling his hot mouth on one of my breasts makes me gasp at the
sensual touch. His tongue rims around my pink nipple that’s erect and is
demanding him. Simultaneously, he lifts the jersey away from my skin and
throws it onto the floor below us. Climbing his mouth back up to mine, we
lock our mouths together and move them in sync with one another, tongues
swirling in the heat of our desire for one another. I know he wants this just
as much as I do, perhaps even a little more.
He pokes my entrance and he doesn’t stop kissing me. I try not to
focus on the potential pain and focus on him. Slow nudging himself in, I
can now feel him inside of me. It feels full and pressured. Although I’m
feeling this, he keeps pushing himself inside. I whimper now that I’m
feeling that pinch. He pulls back and wipes a tear that leaks from my eye. I
didn’t even realize it was there.
“I know, baby, I know,” he coos in my ear. Sliding himself back
out of my entrance, he pushes back in. There it is again, only this time, it’s a
lot stronger. This really does hurt like a bitch.
I whimper again with another thrust, and I can feel the rush of
something within me. The pain peaking with his next thrust, I grip onto his
shoulders with all I have and squeeze my eyes shut. He’s whispering sweet
words to me about not wanting to hurt me.
With the next soft penetration, it dies down. Until he hits it again
and again, then it’s gone. I can’t feel any pain but the pure fullness of him
inside of me. I know my channel is tight because nobody has dared to enter
my chamber of secrets. He’s the first.
When he thrusts again, I can feel the heavenly feeling I
experienced when he went down on me. The surge of electricity charges my
body, awakening it to feel the pleasures that it will create.
“Jesus, you’re so tight,” he moans to me with the next slow
stroke. He gives a more powerful one to make that feeling inside me more
concentrated. That sensation has me moaning breathlessly.
He hides his head in my neck, running his tongue along the shaft
of it. I grip the back of his soft hair encouraging him to keep doing that. It
sends a shiver down my spine and to my core that is now completely full of
Nick Jackson.
With his sexy moans mixed with mine, he keeps rubbing this spot
inside of me, as if he knows he’s hitting the right spot. My G-spot, if I
remember correctly from Sex Ed. With every thrust, it sends me a burst of
pleasure to my stomach, increasing that all too familiar knot that is getting
bigger. I grip onto his shoulders like it’s going to support my senses.
“Fuck,” Nick moans and ravishes my mouth, letting us both moan
into one another. He hikes both of my legs up, and I wrap them around his
waist making him go that little bit deeper. He cups the part of my ass that’s
available to him and squeezes it while he devours me.
The headboard is banging away above us in the quiet room and
house. The entire bed shakes with the shrill of my voice when he brushes
his tip over the one spot that’s making me see stars.
 “Shit,” I pant when I can feel him picking up the pace a little
more. It’s not uncomfortable anymore, it feels like a rush of joy filling my
veins. “Oh my God!” I gasp when the headboard starts banging more
frequently, indicating that he might be at the same stage as I am.
“Lift your hips up, Carter,” he instructs me and I do as I’m told. I
angle my hips upward and feel the sense of pleasure I have felt before. This
is so incredibly intense, I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage this for much
longer.
“Holy fuck!” I scream from the pleasure I feel from the simple
motion of adjusting the angle of my hips for him. His head rolls back
momentarily before resuming his initial position.
“Oh shit, just like that, Carter,” he groans as he keeps the steadfast
pace he’s set. Sliding back and forth inside of me, he rests his head on mine.
We stare longingly at one another, watching the lust beam through our eyes.
I watch his hues dilate into dots, hypnotized by the intuitive motion. The
beauty of our bodies intertwining together has me almost lifting off the bed
and soaring through the sky. I feel like I’ve left my body and traveled with
this wave I’m riding.
I get when people say they see stars. “I’m close, Carter,” he
informs me, holding his breath. “Fuck me, I’m so close.” He exhales
roughly. I can feel the pleasure accumulate in my walls, but I can’t form a
single sentence in my mind. Everything has become foggy and lost. I don’t
know any words to tell him that I’m so lost in him. I can’t describe what
I’m feeling because it has influenced muteness within me, like someone is
controlling me and has erased the English language from my mind.
Once my breathing comes out in rapid demanding pants, I can
start to feel my legs quake. That sensation is rising in my body once again.
My body archs into his to be closer to him. Our skin rubs one another, and a
layer of sweat forms and mixes between us.
Once I hit my point of no return, I stop breathing and call out for
him. “Nick!” I scream for him, and he doesn’t stop. My walls convulse
around him, trapping him within me, as he continues to slide himself in and
out, trying to ride out his high.
“Holy fucking shit, Carter!” he roars back, cupping the side of my
face and resting his forehead still on mine. I close my eyes and breathe
heavily as I come down from my high as he rides his out. After a while of
him exhaling firmly, he finally lets go and eases from his.
I stretch to hold his neck in my hands, our breaths tousled along
with our bodies on the bed. The grinding of our bodies has me losing
control over it. If this is what sex feels like, then I wouldn’t mind doing it
again.
“Wow . . .” Nick chuckles in a daze. “That was . . . just wow.” I
can feel my own cheeks heat up with that . . . compliment? I’m not certain
if it was a compliment. “You’re really sexy in bed.” He kisses my cheek and
lays himself on top of me, careful not to crush me under his heavy muscles.
I wrap my arms around his neck and allow him to be flush with mine,
coveting him to be nearer to me.
That was amazing. I’ve never felt so good before. I feel so free
after my release. I never knew a body could react in such a way before. I
get why people say they become addicted to being with their partner. It’s a
special moment between two people . . . or more if you’re into that.
“You look so beautiful right now. You have this after sex glow
like I’ve never seen before,” he says in an almost mesmerized tone, like he
hadn’t intended on saying that out loud. It’s confirmed to me when his eyes
expand and he puffs out his cheeks.
“Did you mean to say that out loud?” “I wasn’t supposed to say
that out loud!” we say simultaneously. Then we both erupt in laughter. We
know each other too well, it’s almost scary.
“You also weren’t supposed to read my mind, Steel. I may just
have to punish you later,” he jokes with me and I roll my eyes playfully. If I
wasn’t so sore, I would smack him. The aching becomes more prominent
when I move. I thought it would have been just the start of sex that the
virgin would be sore but, as it turns out, it’s afterwards too. “And you never
called me ‘daddy’ either, but we’ll save that for next time.” He ducks his
head into my neck, softly kissing the skin and moving up to my jaw. He
showers me in kisses, as he always does.
I hum again at the touch of his lips on me. I could never get used
to it. It always feels like the first time we kissed and it always leaves me
craving more.
“How are you feeling?” he asks curiously. Forgetting that he’s still
inside me, he gently moves to lean on his left elbow. Slowly pulling himself
out of me, I wince at the pain. He sees it too. “You still a little sore?” He
looks down at our bare bodies and makes a face. I look down as well. I see
there’s a small amount of blood on the condom. His head snaps up to me,
and I turn my attention back to his handsome face. “That’s sometimes
normal for the first time, don’t worry about that.” He caresses me, assuring
that it’s all fine.
“I know, I remember from Sex Ed.” I snort as he removes the
condom from himself and stands up to discard it into his trash bin over by
the desk at his window. He turns around to ogle down at me. He then drops
his eyes down to my bare core, licking his lips with a devilish smirk on his
face. “Oh no you don’t! Nick, I’m so sore, I literally can’t move right now,”
I whine playfully as I sit up in some pain and scurry back up the bed away
from his crawling body. After watching Annabelle, anything that crawls
near me is a big no-no for me right now.
“You’re doing a fine job of moving away from me right now.” He
smirks but I can see he’s a little offended through his green eyes.
“I just watched a horror movie with things crawling around in the
fucking night, do you honestly think I’d sit here with open arms while you
crawl towards me like that?” I sass back with my arms folded over my bare
chest, and he just couldn’t help himself. His eyes drift down to my breasts
that are pushed up, not helping the situation.
“Point taken.” He grins, finally releasing his stare from my chest
back up to my eyes. “How about this, I’ll run us a bath and we can relax in
it for a while until you feel less sore? Then we’ll go to sleep,” he offers as a
compromise while slowly moving up to me, wolfishly grinning at me like
he’s got a plan. “I’ll wash you too if you’re good for daddy.” He chuckles,
going for the neck. He hums kisses onto my glowing skin, as he so kindly
described it.
Without even me answering him back, he jumps off me and runs
to his bathroom. I hear him run the bath. If I could remember when I was
changing clothes, his tub wasn’t an overly large one, but it can fit two
people in it. Well, two people where one is tiny (me) and the other is a
monster (him). I can overhear the water hitting the base of the tub as I wait
for the green light from him. When I hear his footsteps, I sit on the edge of
the bed to stand up but he lifts me up bridal style when I least expected it. I
squeal in surprise.
 “You know I have two feet, right?” I poke his dimple that made an
appearance.
“My girl is sore. I don’t mind carrying you. I want you to relax
and enjoy the hot water.” He smiles and I can feel my body start to melt in
his arms because he called me his girl. He’s never called me that before.
Why is he so adorable with this stuff? He really is a romantic
despite the player attitude he once had. It’s like staring at a different guy
entirely. It’s nice to see, though, and I’m glad he is showing his true self to
me because if he hadn’t had, I wouldn’t be falling for him. This was the
deciding moment for me.
I like how gentle he is with me; making sure I was okay, tending
to my needs, and putting me before him. This side of him is what I like
most about him. Haley always criticized him about how selfish he can be
with girls, but right now, he’s anything but selfish.
This is a good look for him. I adore the way he treats me like a
queen. I’ve never had someone go all out for me; outside of my family, of
course. I don’t care about how much money he has, the fancy dates he
plans, or the things he buys for me.
All that matters to me is how he treats me, and I think he knows
that too. I’m more of the simple type of girl, I’m not into big fancy things.
As long as I’m comfortable, I’m content.
He places me into the steaming hot bathtub alone, and I sigh as
the feeling of the hot water reaches my sore muscles. Bubbles surround me
while a masculine scent hovers above me. I sniff in the scent as it reminds
me of him. No doubt, he’s using his own shower gel. He lays beside me
outside the tub on the floor, watching my face.
“Aren’t you joining me?” I ask as I rest the bubbles in my hand
and blow them over to him. He catches them and smiles, nodding back.
Rising to his towering height—still naked, might I add—he slides in behind
me. Once he’s settled, his legs are on the sides of the wall and his arms
wrap around my waist, pulling me towards his body. My back rests on his
chest.
“This better?” he asks over my shoulder. I rest my head back on
his own shoulder and nod, closing my eyes in relaxation, my energy
plummeting. I can hear the water dripping; he cups some of the water and
lifts his arms up to get some warmth on my chest. It is really helping me
right now. The soreness is leaving my body little by little, and I couldn’t
have thought of a better idea than to sit in a steaming hot tub. I love this
temperature.
“I love steaming hot baths, so this feels amazing right now. Plus,
you being here with me makes it so much better,” I say to him. He
continues to pour the water on my chest. Not touching me, but letting the
water and the sounds calm me and my body down from the new experience
I’ve just shared with him.
“I’m glad I could be of some assistance to you. Would you like a
martini with that, Miss Steel?” he teases me, making me chuckle in the
quiet house.
“Shaken, not stirred, good sir,” I joke back, making him roar with
laughter behind me.
“ ‘Good sir’? Who the fuck are you calling ‘good sir,’ Steel?” he
finally says through his laughter. I know he gets the James Bond reference.
I saw the collection in his house when we were looking for a movie that
time we went down to Ellie’s birthday party. They had all of them, even the
very old ones.
“Wait! Are you not my waiter?” I keep a serious expression on
until I see him smirk and then he pulls me back to his chest, holding both of
my hands in his as we both cut through the water together.
“I’m Nick fucking Jackson. You’ve never heard of the great Nick
Jackson? Ole Miss’s first-string quarterback? Co-captain of the team and
the sexiest man on campus? I even have a six pack too,” he jokes. I snort,
lifting my leg up out of the water. The cold air latches on to my skin,
causing goosebumps and a chill to appear for a short time, so I dunk it back
in through the bubbles.
“I’m sure that got you a lot of attention too,” I point out in the
most playful manner. I feel him kiss my shoulder, the crook of my neck,
and up behind my ear.
“It did. I loved it. I loved having girls around me all the time. I
felt like a god, and they treated me like one too. I found it easy to lay them.
They came to me, and I wouldn’t protest. Everything was sweet and easy,”
he says.
I purse my lips and squint my eyes, wondering where he’s taking
this.
 “Until I met this girl,” he continues putting a goofy smile on face,
“I met her at this party. She was in this gorgeous . . . sexy . . . breath-taking
red dress that hugged every inch of her perfectly.” I lean my head back
again, listening to him converse about me and that night. “She had this urge
to keep running away from me.” He sighs, and I beam at him, remembering
when all I did was run away from any football player that night, especially
him. “But when I eventually spoke to her, I got addicted to her personality. I
thought she was the cutest person I’ve ever met.” He makes me blush again.
“You still are.” He blows on my skin. “You always will be to me,” he
whispers behind me, kissing behind my ear.
“And you always will be to me too,” I whisper back. “I know I’ve
said this before, but you’re nothing like I thought you’d be. All the rumors
I’ve heard of you, not a single one has been true. Except for the one where
you got around.” I tilt my head to the side, expressing the truth. Not to hurt
him, but to state the fact that there was more than meets the eye with him.
But he has to let you in first in order for you to see the other
layers. As for those girls that practically throw themselves at him whenever
he steps out in public, I understand why he acted like that towards them. I
mean, if it’s there why not? But it still doesn’t mean he should hurt them.
After all, they’re only human, they were only looking for love too.
I continue, “You have many depths to you. You always surprise
me with new things about you. I like learning about you, about your
childhood, and I’m flattered that you like sharing your memories with me.”
I take his hand up out of the water and kiss his knuckles delicately. Twice.
“You remind me of my mom,” he admits and I freeze. That’s not a
comparison I want to be made between the two of us. “Not like that!” This
gains a laugh from him. “Jesus, not like that!” he explains. “You both have
the same kindness. You look after other’s first and then yourself once you
know everything is alright around you,” he compliments both of us.
“I could say the same to you. You have your mom’s kindness too.
Putting the girls first, in every sense,” I recite his own words back to him
and he continues to chuckle at me.
“If you don’t, then why have sex in the first place? The girl comes
first. Plus, I like watching you cum. Your face is so sexy when you reached
the peak. Jesus, you looked like a piece of art. I’m getting hard again just
remembering you. The rush of redness to your cheeks and the way your
body lost all control because I guided you to a place that you’ve never been
before. I was the first guy to ever touch you like that. You have no idea
what that means to me. The fact that you trusted me enough to make you
feel that way . . .” His speech has the butterflies in my stomach acting up
again. My heart is pumping the blood around my body via my veins. The
strong pulse rhythmically thumps inside of me. I’m not sure what the cause
of it is, it could be a mixture of him and his flattering words.
“I trust you. I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d want to share that
moment with,” I confess truthfully to him because I couldn’t think of
another guy who would have made me feel that way.
The gentle touches, asking me if I was okay to do that, coaching
me through what I needed to know about this entire thing without getting
frustrated because he was there for me when I felt the expected pain, and
telling me it’s okay and it’ll get better. He never lied to me during that
special moment between us; he was truthful, and that’s why I trusted him so
much.
Because what is a relationship without trust?
And I wouldn’t change that moment for anything.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY
It Was Just a Joke, Man

Carter
The roar from the people around me make me wince in pain. It’s
something that I have to get used to again.
I haven’t been to Nick’s game in a while. It’s nice to be back. It
hasn’t started, but they’re going through the line-up of the teams that are
going to be playing tonight. Alabama graces us with their presence tonight,
and I can’t wait to watch the game. It’s been a while.
I’m sitting in the middle between Haley and Danielle. Haley’s
parents have yet to arrive to watch their son play tonight on the field. I’m so
thrilled to see Nick too. It’s been a few days since our date and the time I
handed him my v-card. I haven’t told anyone that we had sex, and that’s just
the way I want it. I want to keep it between us.
When we woke up next morning, everyone was dying of
hangovers, so nobody came out of their rooms or bothered us either. All we
did was lay in bed and made out with each other. It was lovely and gentle.
Then, we drove to eat some breakfast and had some alone time in a
restaurant where nobody recognized him or hit on him. It was pleasant. We
spent time alone together, and that was all I needed.
Now, I’m waiting for him to run on the field so this game can
start. Alabama is out in full steam and is pumped up for the game. When the
speakers erupt with a booming voice welcoming the home team onto the
field, everyone explodes in cheers and shouts. Standing on our feet, we clap
for the home side, who race onto the field all fired up. Pumping one another
up, I capture Nick’s eyes just as his parents take their seats. He beams up at
me and sends me a wave which I return.
I can see his mom wave at him too, bouncing up and down like
one of those proud football moms. My mom is the exact same. Turning
back around to kiss Haley hello, she waves at both Danielle and me while
their dad doesn’t even bother to greet anyone except his daughter. Maybe
he’s too caught up in this game?
Either way, it’s still a little rude.
However, the main focus is to cheer on the team so they win the
SEC for the college. I hope they win and do themselves proud. I know
they’ve all worked hard for this. When the game kicks off, there is an
almighty roar in the stands to hype up either side. Because it’s a home
game, there are more home supporters. Fans are being crushed from either
side, and it looks to be a more physical game than an airborne one. No
doubt that either team will be suffering from cuts and bruises after this one.
“Dammit, Nick!” Mr. Jackson thunders as he stands up and points
to the field, largely at his son. “Use him! He’s open!” I can tell that he’s
frustrated with his son, and he is right. Ryan is open, but he preferred to
pass to TJ. It was so obvious to the other team that TJ often gets tackled by
them. He and Ryan have not seen eye to eye for the past while, and it’s
evident on the field too.
When Nick gets the ball again, everyone observes that Ryan is
wide open. He waves his arms around, practically screaming that he can
score, but Nick chooses TJ again.
He makes a good take, running with the ball down the sideline
and getting closer to the end zone. Scraping by players and making his way
over the line, TJ makes a touchdown. The crowd erupts for him, but I could
hear Nick’s dad curse his son. Despite the lead we have, he’s not impressed.
“Honey, it’s okay, we still got a touchdown.” Mrs. Jackson pets
his arm to bring him back down to his seat calmly.
“I don’t care. Nick needs to pass the damn ball to anyone other
than TJ right now. The kid is wide open, and he knows he it!” he complains
to his wife but later apologizes for it. He just wants what’s best for his son
right now. My dad would be doing the same if it was one of my brothers.
“That’s Ryan Averman, Dad. He and Nick fought over Carter and
they haven’t liked each other since then. I don’t think they’ll be passing to
each other anytime soon,” Haley recalls and laughs, but her dad looks
furious. Making eye contact with me, I feel that anger almost radiate
towards me. It catches me by surprise. Thinking back on it now, maybe he
purposely didn’t greet me. Maybe he doesn’t want me here right now.
Maybe he thinks I’ve caused his son to make errors on his play.
Would he be wrong?
I didn’t ask Nick to. I would never have asked him to fight over
me. Fighting over any girl isn’t worth it, not in my opinion.
But I keep my eyes on the field for the next interval and cheer as
much as I can without getting Mr. Jackson’s attention, but it seems to not be
the case. I catch him in my peripheral vision glancing at me every so often,
and it legitimately puts me on edge. I’m just not sure why he’s being like
this. I thought it was due to the Ryan and Nick situation, but my gut tells me
that he’s having differents thoughts from me before the game had even
started and before he had known about it.
It’s a tight game, but the team pulls through with a nail-biting
victory despite not playing their best. They appear a little lost on the field,
which has me wondering how much they have worked as a team? They
might have worked individually in the gym and practice, but my dad always
says the team is only as good as its weakest player.
Haley blows TJ a kiss as they catch each other’s eyes, and Nick
commiserates the other team on their loss by shaking their hands one by
one. I flick my eyes away in case he looks up. I don’t want his dad to see
that. I don’t want to give him another reason to not like me. As we wait for
the stadium to empty, I sit with Danielle who is texting someone, as per
usual. But she is so secretive lately, it makes me and Haley want to know
more.
“What an exciting game! Don’t you think so, girls?” Mrs. Jackson
sits herself back down after clapping for the home team and her son; mainly
her son.
We all nod back at her as she takes her seat.
“I was just going to say that, Mom! But they didn’t play
amazingly well . . .” Haley points out.
We could all hear her dad grumble beside his wife. “I wonder
why?” he mumbles but everyone catches it. It causes us to go silent. Now
it’s very awkward.
“Well, we still got the win! So that’s always good!” Haley’s mom
beams to bring the excitement and chatter back, but her husband kills it
once more.
 “Just barely,” he spits out through gritted teeth, watching the field
below us. The movement has died down, and now it’s just our football team
huddled together reviewing the game. The coaching staff is very animated
and red-faced. They don’t look happy.
“What’s the matter, George? I thought you’d be happy?” Haley’s
mom comments and points down at their son. Haley just stares at them
while I stare at my hands, feeling uncomfortable. Danielle is too wrapped
up in her conversation with this mysterious person that she won’t tell us
about.
“He didn’t play like the way he used to, Lynn! It wasn’t good
enough, that’s what’s wrong. His arm was weak, he won’t get signed with
that play. It was terrible!” he runs his mouth back at her and criticizes
Nick’s play. Yeah, it wasn’t the best, but nobody’s play on that field was
excellent. They all need work, and I understand why he’s panicking. It’s
getting close to the end of the season, and that’s when contracts are sent out
and people are selected for NFL teams. It’s a hard-hitting time for everyone;
the players in particular.
“Honey, we know. It was a bad night for him. He’ll be better in
the next game, they all will. They were just a little off tonight,” Lynn says
to placate him, ensuring him that it’s just a one-off blunder. I don’t even
have to look at him to know he’s not convinced.
“He was distracted, Lynn. He can’t take his eye off the ball or his
career. He’s putting everything on the line and he’s fucking it up for
himself.” That’s when I can hear Lynn smack him for using that language.
“Watch that mouth, George, you know I don’t like that,” Lynn
warns him quietly. I suddenly being to wonder, is he talking about me? Am
I the distraction? Am I throwing Nick off his game? Is that what he’s
implying?
“I need to have a word with the coach or Bulldog about this. I’m
not sitting here watching our son play like that. Ellie could play better than
he did tonight. He needs to be fully focused from now on. No more
distractions.” I flick my eyes up and meet his cold firm stare.
I feel like that comment was meant for me and me only. I can feel
my heart drop into my stomach when he ends that sentence. My entire body
freezes as I watch him make his way down to the field occupied by the team
and staff.
 Nothing more is said between us. It’s all silent and very much
awkward. I feel like crap right now. All I want is to just leave. I just want to
go back to my dorm and eat my weight in chocolate ice cream. Alone.
So, I sit there and fidget uncomfortably with my fingers. The
worst thing of all, there’s a party after the game at one of the guy’s house so
everyone is invited to celebrate the team’s victory. Right now, I couldn’t
think of anything worse than going to it. I don’t need to be told I’m a
distraction to anyone, directly or indirectly. I don’t want to be the cause of
someone missing their chances at a good career, especially as an athlete.
When I hear a roar down at the center of the field, I flick my eyes
up to see Nick, the coaches, and his father in a heated discussion; one that’s
making each one of them very energetic. I have no doubt in my mind that
they’re talking about the game. They all seem to be very passionate right
now.
“I’m just going to cool everything down right now, girls. You can
stay here. It’s nothing I can’t solve.” She winks and smiles at all of us but it
doesn’t reach her eyes, which only adds to the anxiety inside of me. If she’s
not sure how this will play out, I don’t know who can solve this problem.
We watch her strut down the steps towards the guys. She quickens
her pace when she sees her husband right in Nick’s face, almost like he’s
warning him of the repercussions if he doesn’t get it together. I think he
may be overreacting just a bit. Nick was just off his game. It’s normal for
players to be off their games at times, but this one seems to have crept
under his dad’s skin.
When I see Nick’s eyes flick to his mom, he relaxes just as his dad
grabs him by his collar. That’s when Lynn starts running across the grass in
heels that I have no doubt are getting destroyed. Once she reaches them, she
pushes the coach back away and points at him, almost like she’s telling him
to stay there. He backs off, and she places her hand on George’s fist
wrapped generously around Nick’s jersey then taps her husband’s cheek to
tell him something.
“Shit’s about to go south real quick,” Haley mumbles as she
watches all of this play out.
Just like she said, Lynn has to physically place herself between
her husband and son. They were inches away from one another’s face. It
has my veins pumping, thinking something was going to happen.
 “Is your mom alright by herself?” I ask, a little scared for Lynn.
Not that they would ever hurt her, but in case they begin to get rough with
each other and she gets caught in the crossfire.
Haley snorts. “If anything, you should be worried about the two
boys. My mom won’t take their shit. Or anyone else’s, for that matter.” We
all watch the slow volcanic eruption down away from us. We can see there’s
so much tension. Then the rest of the team walk off to get to the locker
room as ordered by Bulldog.
We can see TJ divert himself to this way and hop over the fence,
climbing up the steps to get to us. He takes two at a time and reaches us
soon after, ignoring what’s happening down on the field. He beams at us
and kisses Haley.
“Ew, you stink!” She covers her nose and smiles up at him.
“You still kissed me,” he teases her back. She rolls her eyes,
knowing he’s right. She takes him and looks over to us with a knowing grin
on her face.
“How is he?” I ask TJ and point down at his best friend swamped
by people.
“It looks worse than it is, to be honest. Nick is used to George
taking his game apart and telling him what he could’ve done better. It’s
always been like that,” TJ assures me and I nod slightly reassured by this.
“Yeah, but dad was a little irritated tonight and I don’t know why?
He’s been like this for a while now,” she says.
So, he’s been like this for a while, I think to myself. Maybe it
really has nothing to do with me at all? But then why did he mention the
distraction? Why did he look at me when he said it? As if he was singling
me out.
“True, but I think he’s just frustrated with Nick. It wasn’t his best
game and he knows it. Nick is annoyed at himself and just wants to leave
the field. I can tell by his face right now.” We all watch the crowd of people
talk to Nick and his parents about this. I can see he’s embarrassed and just
wants to get out of here. “Look, I’m going to grab him and we’re going to
shower. We’ll meet you all outside the stadium in thirty minutes? Alright?”
We nod, and he kisses Haley once more. “See you later, babe.”
With one last kiss, he moves away from us and back down the
steps, bounding over the barriers again to get to the field. He meets Nick
halfway, midstorm off. Nick lifts his head up and stops. Staring right at me,
he makes the decision to copy TJ and starts jumping over the barrier. Haley
steps back to let me through so I can reach him.
When he runs up the stairs, I get the scent of sweat mixed with
deodorant. I flinch a little at the smell.
“Sorry, I know I smell really bad.” He chuckles, taking my head
in his hands. He leans in to kiss me softly and I instantly return it, crouching
into his hold. “Don’t listen to a word my dad has said. He’s a hothead
because I didn’t play that well tonight, which is totally on me. It has nothing
to do with anything other than me and the coach, who has no idea how to
coach. Bulldog even backed me up on it,” he promises me.
“I know, everyone has their bad days.” I grin at him and kiss his
palm.
“You still want to come to the party with me?” I could hear the
begging manner in his voice. Sounds like he doesn’t want to go without me,
and I know he has to show his face for a little while when he’s there.
“Yeah . . . sure . . .” I agree to go with him. I can’t say no to that
face he’s giving me right now; the helpless one which reads “don’t leave me
alone.” I know he won’t be alone. He’ll have TJ, the girls, and Reggie, but I
can see he wants me to be there with him. I can tell by the fact that he won’t
let me go right now, like he knows I’m anxious because of what happened
tonight.
“Are you sure? We can go for a little while and then leave . . . I
can tell you’re a little uneasy about this.” He caresses his thumb tenderly
against my cheek. His eyes flick between my own, trying to figure out what
his dad had said which caused me to feel a little hesitant right now.
“Yeah, I’ll just stay with you or the girls.” I nod.
“You’ll stay with me, the entire time. I haven’t seen you in a good
while. I want to spend time with you. Outside, preferably.” I laugh at him,
remembering how comfortable I feel when I’m outside of a party.
“Okay, I’ll stay with you.” I lean up on my toes and peck him
lightly. He winks at me and waves to the others before making his way
down towards the locker rooms with TJ. Watching him disappear down the
tunnel, I can see four people still talking amongst themselves. I rotate on
my heel to the girls, who are gawking with a knowing grin on their faces at
what had just happened. “What?” I giggle at them.
 “Okay, I’ll stay with you!” they both screech at me with my words
melodramatically. Both hold their clasped hands underneath their chins. I
roll my eyes and slap the both of them as they jokingly humiliate me. I walk
by Haley again to grab my bag as we get ready to leave the stadium that has
only a few people around. We climb the steps and push ourselves out the
doors, but not before stopping at a vending machine for Danielle to grab a
quick snack.
As we wait in the fading light, Haley’s parents are seen exiting the
stadium after some time.
“Oh shit . . .” Haley whispers at the sight of her dad. He looks to
be boiling with annoyance more than anger. Lynn tries to smile it off but it’s
not working all too well.
“Haley, honey, we’re going to drive home now. It was great seeing
you girls too! Thank you for coming and supporting the boys, they loved it.
So did we, we appreciate it. Right, George?” He doesn’t say anything other
than taking his daughter into a hug and murmuring a goodbye to her. He
sends me and Danielle a nod but doesn’t look at us before storming off into
the car park. “I’m so sorry about him, girls. It’s a tough time right now.
With all the contracts and scouts coming to the games, he’s just feeling
under pressure . . . even though he’s not playing the game.” Lynn rolls her
eyes and cranes her neck around to watch her husband’s retreating frame.
“He just wants what’s best for both Nick and TJ. So, seeing the
team play like that has him frustrated right now,” Lynn explains further as
everyone nods, appreciating how she’s trying to make this right.
I’m still missing something though. There’s something there with
George Jackson. He’s angry at something, but I’m not sure what it exactly
is. I’m not sure if it’s to do with me?
“Anywho, we’d best be off. It’s a long drive home, and y’all know
I can’t handle long drives with him being like that.” She winks and shifts
her purse up her shoulder. “Have fun at the party tonight. And behave
yourselves, alright? Bye, girls!” She walks after her husband, who is
already sulking in the car. We all wave at her as she slips inside the plush
black leather seats of their four by four.
All that remains is the three of us as we wait for the guys to
connect with us once again. I zone out completely while Haley and Danielle
yammer on about the party we’re going to, talking about who’s going to be
there. Apparently, it’s a pool party? I don’t have any swimsuit and I don’t
really care that I don’t. Even if I did, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with the
number of people swimming around the pool.
I couldn’t think of anything worse about going to this party. I’m
not one for great crowds, and by the sound of it, this party is drawing a
huge one. I don’t even know whose house it is, other than it’s one of the
players on the team. One I’ve never even met.
When the doors open and movement attracts my attention, I see
the team coming out, joking around with each other and laughing. The low
laughs catch the rest of the girl’s attention too. Bags slung over their
shoulders and they all are in tight shirts and jeans. Each one of them has
their muscles bulging out of their clothes. They all look like monsters who
play football. Once I see the pair of green eyes I’ve been searching for in
the bulky crowd of testosterone, I feel my heartbeat pick up along with the
zoo in my stomach.
When I meet his eye’s, I can feel the grin grow on my face. That’s
when I see him slightly pick up his pace, separating himself from the guys.
He waves them off as another group of girls come over and greet the guys.
Pretty girls too. They’re trying to get his attention, but I blush at the
unwavering stare he has with me. He doesn’t want to be with them; he
wants to be with me, and that makes me feel giddy inside. I’m the girl he
enjoys being around, not those other girls that line up and wait for their shot
with him.
Coming closer and closer, he holds out both his arms wide for me
to come and embrace him. I try to suppress the smile forming on my face. I
stand there and wait for him to come to me. When he reaches me, he slips
off the bag on his shoulder and raises me into the air. I begin to laugh
piercingly with him grinning up at me. I draw him closer for a kiss,
wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands grip my waist tightly as he
caresses his lips against mine lightly.
“Hey,” he whispers against my lips. Feeling the hot tingle reach
me, I shiver in his arms.
“Hey,” I reply with a huge smile on my face.
“You look so pretty in my jersey.” He bites his lip. I thank him for
noticing. I decided to wear it when he gave me his the night I lost my
innocence to him. I’m glad I did because it was just how I imagined it. It
was sweet and gentle despite the little bit of pain before and after.
“Thank you, it’s really comfy,” I beam at him just as he sets me
back down.
When we hear someone clear their throat, we both turn back
around to see three smug faces staring back at us. “You both finished ogling
each other so we can leave for this party?” Danielle smirks at us. She
gestures her head towards TJ’s truck, telling us to come on. They’re getting
impatient. They want to let loose now. I know Danielle wants to, I can tell
by the look in her eyes. She always is.
“You ready to go?” Nick asks as he takes my hand in his. He
bends back down to pick up his bag again. I nod as we all walk over to the
car with the trunk open. Nick places his bag in the back beside TJ’s. I slide
in next to Danielle while Haley has shotgun up front. Nick sits behind
Haley so she can adjust her seat to accommodate his long and thick tree
trunks he has for legs. As he sits next to me, he lays his arm around the
back of my seat as we roll out of the car park and head towards the party
that is close to their house.
It didn’t take us too long, there were barely any cars on the streets
at this time. I cuddle into Nick’s side with our faces inches apart,
whispering to each other. He would rub my arm up and down when he
would compliment me, and I would feel my entire face heat up. “You want
to stay with me tonight?” he asks with a hopeful look on his face. I hate it
when he looks at me like that every time he asks me a question. Especially
when I have to say no.
“I have to do a group assignment and I’m meeting them at ten
tomorrow morning.” He starts to pout and I roll my eyes as I grin goofily.
“Don’t give me that,” I warn him playfully but it doesn’t stop him. He bats
his eyelashes at me lightheartedly, trying to convince me to stay over.
“Nick!” I bury my face into his neck to shield myself from his
adorableness.
“What?” He chuckles in my ear and fondles my hair.
“I have to get up early, and if I stay in yours, I won’t get up at all,”
I say while groaning into his neck.
“And that’s a bad thing because . . . ?” he jokes. I bite his neck
humorously and tell him no. It’s not happening tonight, maybe another
time. “Did you just bite me?” He roars out a laugh in the car, no doubt
getting everyone’s attention.
“Shut up. And no, I need to do work tomorrow.” I humor us both.
“Save the kinky stuff for later, babe,” he whispers lowly in my
ear, making me redden again. Dammit, I need to get that under control.
“And yes, you’re staying tonight. I’ll set an alarm and I’ll hit the snooze
button over and over and over again just so you’ll purposely miss your
meeting.” He’s having fun with this.
“And that is why I’m not staying over.” I lean back away while
warning him silently. That smirk that he wears all the time doesn’t go away.
“We’re here!” Danielle announces. Just as I unbuckle my seatbelt
and slide to leave out the door, Nick’s hand wraps around my wrist,
stopping me.
“We’ll meet you guys in there.” He signals to TJ, who
understands and leaves with the two girls. It’s then I notice the line of cars
on the street and on the front lawn of the house. TJ parked under a tree just
a little back, but we can hear the thumping of the music. Shutting the car
doors, the lights above us turn off and I turn around to face Nick. We are
flooded by complete darkness.
“Why are we staying here? I thought you wanted to go to the
party?” I ask him and he bobs his head, guiding me back to his body.
“I do. Well, I have to . . . I have to show my face for the guys.”
He’s not making eye contact with me. Instead, his eyes are darting around
TJ’s car, looking like he wants to escape it. He’s acting weird. The quick
change in his attitude lets me know something is not right.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him. He sighs and drops his head back,
hitting it off the side window. “Nick? What’s wrong?” I repeat myself.
“Maya’s here . . . So is Erin . . .” he says while grinding his teeth.
“Who’s Erin?” I ask, slumping back. I know he has a past, and it
still disturbs me every time someone tries to get in the way of it. It’s hard to
constantly stand up for myself. Not only that, it’s tiring too.
“She’s a girl that I got with before I met you. She and Maya think
they have this claim on me . . . They’re here, and I know they’re going to
try and fuck this up between us. Just . . . whatever you hear from them or
anyone, remember it’s my past and I’m done with it. I haven’t been with
anyone since you and Ryan went out. Trust me—”
 “I do. I do trust you, and I know you have a past. Everyone does. I
know you’re not proud of it, but Nick, it’s okay. You’re not the same guy
you used to be. You’re much better. Know you’re worth and know that I
care about you.” I feel the corners of my lips lift without my permission and
I stroke his cheek. “But also know that I won’t be okay if they come at me.
I’ve already had Maya on my ass about you, I don’t need another girl too,” I
warn him.
“I’ll be there.” He kisses me. “You’re kind of hot when you’re
bossy,” he adds and I deadpan him. “What? You are! I like it.” He chuckles
and kisses me again. Before we get carried away with ourselves and our
alone time, we leave the car. After shutting the door, Nick reaches for my
hand and kisses it affectionately. I move closer to his body and he places
our intertwined hands over my shoulders, still holding on to one another
and allowing my arm to drape across me.
We walk inside to the booming house thumping from the
vibrations of a heavy beat. The song fills the silence and encourages people
to scream at one another to communicate. People are beginning to stare like
they haven’t seen me and Nick around the campus together and it’s getting
old. It’s like there’s some kind of law where they have to gawp because they
can’t believe we’re dating one another. They stare at us like he could do
better. He probably could, but he still chose me. The amount of jaws that
are open is getting ridiculous right now.
The team greets him and he does the same back. I keep my eyes
away from the girls because I know they’re staring at me and our hands.
“Look who decided to rock up finally . . . Good to see that face
again, Jackson. Just a pity about who you brought . . .” Once we turn
around, I watch this brunette’s eyes trail up and down, looking at me with
so much repugnance on her face. We’re not even through the door and
we’re already being pounced on. I already can feel how this night will go.
Fantastic.
“Erin,” Nick says not so warmly back to her.
So, this is Erin, I think to myself.
“Nick.” She smiles sweetly back at him. She’s wearing tight booty
shorts and a white tank top tucked in, and black open-toe heels that look
like they could stomp all over me. Her golden-tan mixed with the blue
lighting highlights her model-like features. No wonder why Nick got with
her. She’s stunning.
“I didn’t believe the rumours . . . but I guess they’re true . . . she
must be an expensive one.” My eyes widen at what she’s implying about
me. She did not just call me a hooker. Unbelievable.
“You would know, wouldn’t you, Erin?” Nick smirks, holding me
back from retorting myself. He strokes my thumb to help me soothe the
racing heart I have.
“Actually, I wouldn’t. That’s your other side piece. You think
you’re special sweetheart, but you’re not. Just think about how many times
he’s gone around and fucked other girls in this college. You’re just another
one . . .” She struts over to us. She’s much taller than I am, and yet, I don’t
feel intimidated by her. She’s just like Maya, except brunette.
“Just another one who’s gone on dates with him?” I ask her.
Tilting my head to the side, she sizes me up and comes closer to me. She’s
trying her best to scare me by crossing her arms over. She makes her smirk
grow even broader, trying to look like she’s relishing in this, but it doesn’t
come off that way to me.
“Is that what you keep telling yourself every time he asks you to
leave his room?” She sends me a wolfish grin, then flicks her eyes over to
Nick. “Wouldn’t be his first time.” Her smile gets bigger, displaying her
perfect teeth; straight and white
“Actually, that’s where you’re wrong . . .” Once Maya comes into
our sight, I groan loudly. The two of them in close proximity isn’t ideal, but
I know it’s going to happen regardless. “We are dating, and she is my
girlfriend. So, fuck off and find another fuck buddy; both of you. I don’t the
time for this shit.” Each one of our faces morphs into surprise at Nick’s
words. Mine in particular.
Did he just call me his girlfriend?
In front of a crowded room of people?
“Girlfriend?” Erin and Maya squeal at the same time, and I can
feel the bubble of happiness rise in my stomach. It’s about to pop if I don’t
get away from them.
“Yeah . . . Got a problem?” Nick continues to wipe it in their
faces. I just stand there in complete surprise along with the other two girls,
who are now not ashamed to glare at me.
 “That was mine!” Maya roars at us and I flinch. So, does Erin.
“Ugh . . . this bitch,” Erin mutters under her breath and rolls her
brown eyes which matches her hair.
You’re no better, I wanted to say, but Nick stops them both.
“If you don’t mind, I’m bored of this conversation. I need to get
my girlfriend and I a drink.” He smirks at me as he pushes past them both.
We make our way into the kitchen, passing by some stunned faces. Pulling
me along, I still can’t form any proper words right now. My mind pulses
with the word “girlfriend” over and over.
He just called me his girlfriend.
Holy shit.
Once we reach the area, I notice that there aren’t many people
here filling up their cups. As soon as we reach the counter, Nick whirls
around with a huge grin plastered onto his face. But that’s not all, his entire
face had gone pink. He’s blushing.
“Okay, so don’t freak out—”
“Don’t freak out, he says! Nick!” I start to laugh and roll my head
back, trying to stop myself.
“Why are you laughing?” He laughs along with me and I slap his
arm, making a very nice sound.
“You just . . . I don’t know what goes through your head
sometimes!” I chuckle, trying to get the air into my lungs. It was so rash of
him to say that in front of everyone without consulting me first.
He steps into my space and cups his hands around my face
protectively until I’ve calmed down. “I was planning on asking you tonight,
outside,” he says shyly and I start to melt.
“Asking would have been nice instead of declaring it to your two
ex-fuck-buddies that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.” I roll my eyes, a little
annoyed inside. I would have preferred to have been asked instead of him
assuming that I would’ve said yes. I would have, but that’s not the point.
It’s the courtsey of asking the girl if she would like to be someone’s
girlfriend that makes her feel special.
“I’m sorry, I panicked. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” I sigh and nod.
I can’t stay mad at him. He knows how to play the game with me. “Okay,
let’s just pretend that didn’t happen . . . Let’s go back, like, ten minutes,
okay?” I giggle at how serious he looks. Then I begin to think he is serious.
 “Why?” I wonder.
“Because I want to ask you this time,” he says and I feel my heart
flutter at the thought of it. “Carter will you—”
“Wait!” I place my hand on his chest, almost shoving the words
back into his mouth. His shirt is so sof—focus. He sends me a curious look
and I blink back at him. “Can you ask me in a place a little more private?” I
enquire shyly, looking around at the people in the kitchen. It’s not busy, I
just don’t want people around when he asks me.
“Okay . . . come with me.” He yanks me outside, waving quickly
at the people around us who say hi. Pushing back a small gate on the
perimeter of the garden out back, we walk in the freshly sprinkled grass. It’s
not the most romantic of sceneries because of the flies hovering around us,
and the dewy grass is quite slippery—it’s a pretty humid night for this time
of year—but I’ll just have to work with it.
Once we come up to a tree, he turns back and faces me with a
beaming grin which gives the moonlight a run for its money. “Okay, so, I
know it’s not the best place to ask you this, and to be honest, I thought it
would be a little more romantic but it’s fine.” He reads my mind. Brushing
off the situation right now, he focuses back on his task. He takes both of my
hands in his and stares down at them. Flicking his eyes back up to me, I
nearly melt into a pile of goo under the tree.
“Carter, I know we’ve only been on a few dates, and I know you
are probably a little unsure after what happened in there—”
“I thought we went back ten minutes? It didn’t happen, right?” I
grin and so does he.
“Right! It didn’t happen.” He shakes his head, ridding the
memory. I can hear the something splashing in the pool from afar. People
are laughing and screaming out of enjoyment. The music booms to a
rhythmic beat that I’m trying not to tap along to. “So . . . I would like to
continue this into something a little more than just dating . . . Will you be
my girlfriend?” he asks with a tiny quiver in his voice.
I almost whimper at how cute that was. He can be so freaking
adorable sometimes.
“Yes, I would like to be your girlfriend.” My cheeks are beginning
to hurt, I’m smiling so much. I would never have thought he’d ask me to be
his girlfriend. Not in a million light years. Not for another while, anyway.
 “Phew. For a second, I thought you were going to say no.” He
laughs before capturing our lips into a heated kiss, both of us grabbing at
one another like girls in a sale. Passionate and longing for this, this make
out is what we wanted. It’s the butterfly feeling that you get, that foot
popping feeling that you get, the grinning like an idiot feeling that you get.
That is what this guy does to me. He sends me and my body into a frenzy.
“It was no question,” I mumble back on his lips. Cupping my face
in his hands once again, he draws me closer and kisses my forehead.
“My first girlfriend,” he mumbles. I think he meant to say that in
his head but he likes to blurt things out to himself. I think it’s cute but he
hates when he does that. I do it too, so I know how embarrassing it feels.
That’s why I don’t draw any attention to it.
He’s my first boyfriend too, I think to myself, making sure to keep
it in. We’re each other’s first relationship, and I have this foolish smile on
my face. The echo of the crickets surround us. My ankles are wet from the
grass. The trees hiss from the light breeze, which makes my hair blow
across my face.
My dad is going to love this. That was sarcasm.
I push myself up on my toes and peck him one last time before we
decide to join the party. Hand in hand, we walk to where TJ and Haley are.
Danielle is talking with Cas. We sit down, and Nick starts chatting to the
guys about their win.
I stand up and whisper in his ear, “Hey, I’m going to get a drink.
Do you want one?” I ask him and he asks for a beer. Before I leave, his
hand wraps around my wrist to draw me back in. I see that cheeky smile on
his face along with multiple pairs of eyes watching.
“Give me a kiss,” he requests. I don’t protest; I kiss him, giggling
as I do it.
Then I make my way into the kitchen. There aren’t many people
at all in here, which I’m grateful for. I can’t deal with a bunch of drunken
people right now. I’m also just praying that neither of the girls come and
insult me for what Nick said. I don’t want to fight with anyone over him
again. They’re like broken records. It’s too draining to deal with them. They
need to get over him and move on so they can be happy in their own lives.
It’s getting to a point where I actually am starting to feel sorry for them;
Maya in particular, despite the ongoing case with her that is weighing more
on my side than hers.
When I start pouring some water into a cup for myself and take
the cap off a beer for Nick, I see a somebody lean against the counter I’m
working on. I look up to see either Rob or Ryan. I can’t tell which one.
“So, you’re his girlfriend now? Huh?” With that question, I knew
it was Ryan. He didn’t look too upset, which I was glad for. I nod, taking a
sip of the drink in my hand. There’s nothing but silence between us for a
little while. “Ryan won’t be happy.” I almost spit the drink out, coughing it
up to clear it after it almost goes down the wrong way.
“I thought you were Ryan.” I clear my mouth up. Rob then starts
to laugh raucously then shakes his head no.
“No, I’m not Ryan. I would be a lot more animated if I was.” He
laughs and I smile back at him.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t tell the difference between you both,” I
joke with him as I wipe down the counter I coughed all over.
“It’s fine. Good to know you don’t know which one of us you
dated.” He chuckles beside me as he helps me clean up. “I just came over
here to thank you.” I stare at him, puzzled as to why he’s thanking me. He
reads my expression and continues, “With the whole restaurant fiasco?” It
then clicks, but I still don’t really get why he’s thanking me? All I did was
listen to her when she needed to rant. “Without you talking to her, I
wouldn’t have a chance in hell in getting her back as my best friend, and
now, something more. So, thank you. I really appreciate it. It’s all I’ve
wanted for the past few months. Well, that’s a lie. It’s all I’ve wanted since I
first met her. It was hell without her,” he spoke softly when he talks about
her. His large self softens when he talks about her, as if she was his
weakness.
“I’m glad she gave you a chance, but she came up with that
choice on her own. I didn’t do anything other than listen to her. That’s all
she needed.” I shrug because she cared enough about him to become friends
with him. I have nothing to do with it. It was all her and him. They needed
to talk it out, without a third party.
“If you hadn’t let her rant, she wouldn’t have spoken to me.
You’re too nice, you know that?” He chuckles, sipping on the beer in his
hand. “You’re way too nice, you helped a lot more than you think you did.
Seriously, thank you. She told me to thank you too.” I smile and nod at him.
I still, to this day, believe I had nothing to do with them reuniting.
“Is she here tonight?” I ask him but he shakes his head.
“Sadly, no. She’s working tonight. I’m going to get her after her
shift and stay with her for the night.” He smiles at the thought of the time
he’ll have with her.
“Tell her I said hey and to come out to the next party! We’d love
to see her,” I tell him. He lifts his beer up and toasts it with my red cup.
“Definitely, she would love that. I better leave you now, I know
how impatient Jackson gets.” He rolls his eyes playfully at me. I agree with
him, laughing into my water. He gives me a hug as a thank you and
reconnects with the rest of the guys outside. I refill my water in the sink
before I join back in on the conversation with everyone.
I step out of the house with both drinks in my hands and walk
around the pool. I see Nick grinning at me, then it’s soon wiped off his face.
I frown a little, wondering why he’s looking at me like that. I watch him
stand up from the chair and so do some of the other guys beside him.
Next thing I know, I feel a bone crushing hug from a 200 pound
football player from behind along with a sharp pain in my back shooting
itself up my spine. Then I’m completely submerged in the pool with him on
top of me. I scream in pain underwater as he weighs down on me. I can feel
my body start to panic as I scramble to push him off of me. Then I’m saved
by another arm yanking me out from under him.
Once I’ve broken the surface of the water, I inhale as much air as
I can. I can hear that the party has gone quiet, and some people are giggling.
I splash at the water and kick my legs to stay afloat, still frightened by what
just happened to me. My breaths are coming out in gasping pants, trying to
fill my lungs with the oxygen I was lacking for a moment.
“I’ve got you! Carter, I’ve got you!” I can hear Nick’s voice and it
instantly calms me down. I’m not a strong swimmer. I never have been.
That’s why water can make me nervous sometimes, because of this. I feel
my body being dragged over to the side where I can grip on to the wall and
cough. “I’ve got you,” he whispers, and I can hear feet slapping against the
pavement above me.
“Carter! Are you okay?” Haley’s voice is next to my head and I
feel her hand grip mine. “Pull her out! Now!” she yells at the guys around
her. I feel a few hands pull me up and lift me out of the water. “I need a
towel!” she yells again. I’m completely soaked to the bone.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Trumer! A FUCKING IDIOT!” Nick’s
voice booms in the open space. I sit on the tiles, gathering my breath back.
It’s not that I was lacking oxygen, it was the panic that made me feel like I
was. I just felt like I was doomed when I knew I rationally couldn’t have
drowned in a pool surrounded by people. I just thought the worst.
“Dude, it was just a joke, man,” the other voice that I don’t
recognize speaks back, as if he did nothing wrong. “We just thought it
would be funny, that’s all,” he says in defence himself. He thought it would
have been funny?
“WE? Who the fuck is ‘we’! She almost drowned because of you,
man! Use your fucking brain next time you choose to do that to someone.
You completely crushed her, you fucking moron,” Nick shouts back at him.
It’s then I decide to open my eyes to see what’s going on. I can
feel my body tremble because I’m still shocked that this happened. I’m
shaking by the side of the pool with Cas by my side along with a few of the
guys who helped pull me out. She’s rubbing my back to help calm me
down. My mom does the exact same thing whenever I panicked. I
appreciated her helping me.
“Erin and Maya, they said it would—”
“Get the fuck away from me.” He growls at the mention of the
two girls’ names. I should’ve known. Nick swims over to the ladder and
tugs himself out of the pool, equally as wet as I am.
You can see his ripped abdomen through his sopping wet shirt,
and I know that’s what most of the girls were looking at. Once he’s out,
Haley gives him a towel too. He grabs it and makes his way over to the two
perpetrators, content with themselves in what they achieved tonight:
embarrassing me and pissing Nick off even further.
“You happy? Are you both fucking happy? You’re both desperate
enough to get her hurt to make yourselves look good, huh? Well, you look
just as fucking stupid as he does”—he points to Trumer—“and pathetic too.
Get over yourselves and stay the hell away from me and my girlfriend. I
never want to see either of you again. Don’t look at us, don’t talk to us,
don’t breathe the same goddamn air as us. I don’t want to see your
desperate faces anywhere near her or me. Is that clear?” he rips into them as
they cower in the corner, embarrassed that he called them out in front of
everyone.
What did they expect? For him to laugh along with them?
He wipes his face, eliminating the water and chlorine. He then
walks back over to me and scoops me up into his arms, kissing me
delicately as he carries me through the house, the people inside staring at
how drenched we are. We’re leaving half of the pool trailing after us.
It’s then I realize how much he actually cares about me. He dove
in after me in a heartbeat and rescued me when I was struggling. He stood
up for me too, which isn’t anything new, but he’s also carrying me away
from everyone because I don’t like them staring at me, which I think it’s
weird. This guy carrying me is the first guy outside of my family to actually
care about me. That makes me feel euphoric.
As he transports me along the street, he has this determined look
in his eyes as he carries me out of the house. The fire in his eyes leaves
once our gazes connect. It’s then I release my breath.
I have fallen so deeply in love with this guy. Not the way he
looks, or what he buys me. I’ve fallen in love with him, flaws included, and
I wouldn’t want him any other way. Time stops, and it feels like the world
has stopped spinning around us, time exploding before my eyes at the speed
of light.
My heart collapses into the ground so it can grow into an
everlasting tree to shelter us from the world. He’s beyond perfect for me,
it’s like someone cut our hearts in two at the beginning of life and now we
found our way back to one another, beating to the same beat. I feel like I’ve
found my other half.
This love—this sensation—is just between me and him. The
sound of my heart pounding is for him and nobody else. Thank God, I’m in
his arms, because I would have collapsed onto the pavement and couldn’t
explain why, other than tell him this; it’s him. He’s the one.
“Thank you.” I lean in to kiss him. I feel an electric shock. The
simple kiss has me in a daze with him. I rest my head on his shoulder as we
make our way back to his house, towels wrapped around us. There’s only
one thought rushing through my mind.
I’m in love with Nick Jackson, and I always will be.
OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
A Rare Piece of Art

Nick
The fact that Carter is trembling in my hold makes it known to me
that I need to get her to the house quicker than I wanted. I don’t need her
catching a cold because of this, and I don’t want another hindrance for her
either. One trip to the hospital was more than enough for me and my nerves.
So, when I see the house up ahead, I quicken up my pace to get there in a
split second. One step closer to warmth, I think to myself.
I have to put her down on her feet in order to open the door. Once
I did, I lift her back up with the towel Haley had gotten for her still wrapped
around her. Carter chatters out a laugh when I know her jaw was beginning
to shake. That, to me, is a sure sign that I might be too late.
I kick the door shut behind us and carry her to my room in silence.
I have only one task in my mind and that’s to insert her into the shower.
Fully focused on putting her needs before mine, I can heat up the bath, no
problem. It’s her I’m more worried about.
Once I get to my room, I order her, “Lose the clothes and I’ll run
the shower now.” Carter nods, and I race to the bathroom, feeling a slight
shiver myself. I lift my shirt off my back and poke my head out into my
room. Seeing that she’s still changing, I decide that as much as I don’t want
to, I need to give her some privacy. “Um, the shower is hot if you’re ready,”
I call out to her.
When I hear a quiet “Okay” as a response, I know she’s coming
in. Her voice is close. I’m so embarassed that I don’t even know where to
look with my own girlfriend now. I wanted to ask her properly rather than
declare her as my girlfriend, but it came out like word vomit.
I swallow at her completely bare figure, a towel wrapped around
her petite body. I send her a tight smile and try to control myself.
 What I would give to join her, but I know she probably wants
some privacy. After that night I had with her, all I want was to get her alone
with me and let my hands feel her skin again. I miss that skin-on-skin
contact that I desire. It was more than just fucking that night. It’s like a
lightbulb went off in my brain and took my time. The embrace we had, had
my nerves on the edge the entire night and it hasn’t changed since then. I
have an itch to be with her all of the time now, and I can’t scratch it unless
I’m with her.
I remember when I let the tip of my tongue taste her. Her juices
tasted so rewarding when she lost control. The way her body reacted under
my touch. When Carter reached her peak, I enjoyed watching her back arch
allowing the pink peaks of her breasts stand up on their own accord,
shuddering in bliss and clamping around me like she didn’t want it to be
over.
The truth is, neither did I. I didn’t want to let go of her either
afterwards. It was satisfying to have her that night, even if it was
unexpected.
I almost wanted to go again and again and again because of the
addictive rush I felt with her, but I knew she’d be tender after it. Which also
meant that I needed to care for her, Like what I’m doing now.
That smile of hers pulls me back to reality. I couldn’t help but
stare at her succulent lips. I really want a taste but I know she needs to get
warm first.
“The shower is nice and hot for you when you’re ready,” I inform
her, watching the steam rise and the mirror fog up in my peripheral vision.
“I’ll be in my room when you’re finished with some clothes for you.” I
begrudgingly make my way back into my room but then I get stopped by
her sweet voice.
“Do you want to join me?” she asks innocently. I freeze right
between the two rooms, under the door frame that needs to be refurbished.
This house has gone to shit, no thanks to us; everything needs to be redone
and repainted. There’s a ton of mold that can’t be healthy to breathe in
every day, hence why the windows are constantly open. “Nick?” I then
realize how silent I became after her first question.
I clear my throat and spin around on my heel to stare at her. Still
enveloped in that white towel that’s not mine or hers, her bright blue doe
eyes pleads to me. How can I say no to her? How can I say no to that look
she’s giving me?
As if she could sense my hesitation, she drops the towel to give
me a frontal view of her perfect, naked body. I inhale sharply as I look at
her beauty, allowing my eyes to roam around the skin that I’ve missed
against mine. The way the beads of water shine back at me, enticing me to
come to her, and how her wet skin looks makes it look immaculate. It’s like
art, and you know what they say about art; it should be placed up against
the wall. Watching her body sway as she walks into the shower alone,
Carter slips behind the glass doors, leaving me with only a blurry silhouette
of her. It takes me all of one second to decide what to do.
I get a move on and slip the rest of my drenched clothes off me.
Kicking them up into my hands, I place them into the sink to allow the
water to drain. I do the same with her clothes. I’ll toss them in the drier later
on when she’s asleep.
Sliding the doors back to display her gorgeous self once again, I
can feel my heart thumping against my ribcage. I’m having a moment
where my body where itches for her—desires to touch her. I swallow when
she turns to gaze at me over her shoulder, relaxing underneath the warm
water. Her eyes show a lot of warmth that draws me closer and closer. I step
in closer to her, and she brings her head underneath the showerhead,
washing the makeup residue off her face with the bar of soap sitting on the
rack hanging on the wall by her head.
Hot steam gathers around us, rising to make our visions blurry. I
feel a slight shiver, making me edge quicker to her for some warmth of my
own. I wrap my arms around her frame, drawing her flush with my naked
body. I feel the hot water burn my skin at first and later become accustomed
to it. Letting the water trickle down our bodies, I brush my lips behind her
ear and make her sigh. She rests her body against me for some support.
Both her hands lay on mine that are wrapped around her, stroking
them.
“So, we’re official?” She leans her head back against my
shoulder.
“Yeah. We’re official,” I respond. “How do you feel about it? You
okay?” I ask her and she nods, rotating her head around so she’s at the same
level as my lips. I kiss her, resting my lips on her warm skin.
 “I’m happy. Really, really happy.” She laughs like she can’t
believe it. Neither can I. She’s my first girlfriend, and although I was going
to ask her tonight when we were alone, it accidentally slipped out to shut
both Erin and Maya up for good. I also made the decision to block them on
everything. My phone, social media, etc. Everything. It needed to be done,
I’ve had enough of their games.
I’m done with them and their drama.
“I’m glad you are. I’m happy too.” I smile on her skin. “I’m really
happy with you, Carter.” I begin to play with the skin on her stomach.
Brushing my tips across her delicate skin causes her to react, and tiny
bumps to rise along her skin despite being in a steaming-hot shower;
especially when I threaten to go lower. Her hips move towards my hand,
allowing it to drop and drift to her core.
“I’m really happy with you too, Nick.” She releases breathless
sigh. Throwing her head back even further, she gets high off the atmosphere
we’re creating. She likes it when I trace on her skin. It’s good to see that.
She wants me just as much as I want her.
Remember when I said she was a work of art that deserves to be
on the wall? Well, I took that literally and spun her around. Gathering the
back of her thighs, I lift her up and pin her against the tiles on the wall, my
erection against her juicy hot core.
Breathing hard against each other, I want nothing more than to
take her. The urge is too much—far too much right now. Thinking quick, I
pull her over and open the doors, reaching into the drawer by the sink
knowing I have one condom there.
“I need you now, Carter,” I moan, rummaging my hand around the
drawer until I feel a box that has already been open. She responds by
starting to kiss my neck. I need to fist my hand to control myself or I’ll
forget about the condom altogether. “I really need you now,” I whisper as I
reach for the foil and pull it into my hold. Slamming the door shut once
again, I silently thank God. I still had one accessible for us right now.
Multitasking isn’t one of my skills, but right now, it’s my main
priority. With her in one arm and the condom in my other, I rip the condom
open with my teeth and place it along my stiff length, dropping the oil onto
the floor of the shower, allowing the water to pull it along to the drain
where it hovers.
 “Be gentle,” she whispers at how fast this is all going. So, I slow
down and smile at her to make her feel at ease.
“I will always be gentle with you,” I promise her. Staring into her
baby blue hues, I tell her that I would never hurt her. I would never want to
hurt her, ever. “I won’t hurt you, Carter.” I affirm to her and watch her nod
at me. “We can take it slow like last time, I’m sorry if you felt it was a bit
rushed. I was just excited,” I say truthfully.
She giggles as she blinks down at Junior that is poking up
between her lower lips, then she brings her gaze back up to me. I’m
fascinated by her laugh. Her laugh is the best sound in the entire world,
easily. But the sight of my dick between her slick folds is what nearly has
me nutting.
“I can see that.” Her arms wrap tighter around my neck, drawing
me in for a chastising kiss. I groan, sending some vibrations rippling
through her. Deepening the kiss even further, we make out for a little while
with the hot water trails down my back. I grind along her lower lips,
wanting it to slip in. I can now understand why she likes really hot showers.
It feels so good.
I then remember the number of cold showers I’ve had to take
because of her. The number of times I’ve had to release myself between
these walls because of her. Now, I’m about to dominate her in the shower.
I’m about to make her cum hard.
Real hard.
Blackout hard.
I gently place my tip at the entrance of her core, nudging it in little
by little, making her feel comfortable and allow her constricted channel to
adjust to me. She’s still so fucking tight. Clamping down around me, I can
feel myself rise, and I’m not even fully inside her.
“Christ,” I moan out, already heightened by the sensation.
The way our bodies touch almost feels like we’re melting into one
another. Steam rises, and I can feel my pulse thumping in my neck.
Once I’m fully inside, she lets out a small gasp. She bites her
luscious ruby-red lips to try to contain herself. I love that look on her face.
The one where she knows she’s powerful in my hold. The one where I can
see the disarray adorned on her beautiful face. The once lost feeling, then
finding her true bliss.
 That. That is what I love most about her.
She looks like she’s having an outer body experience. Her nails
scrape against my skin, and she whimpers from the sensual experience. Her
mind is completely lost in something that feels so fucking right.
We are right for each other. I just know it.
My own mind allows the fog to creep in, sending me into a hard-
earned state of pleasure just at the thought of this combination of her and
me together. Alone, and nobody’s here to bother us.
Tonight feels different. It feels so diverse. It’s hot and clammy in
here. Not because of the shower, but because we’re both feeling this
connection that’s unlike anything we’ve experienced before. Something
special is most definitely in the air, I just can’t put it into words.
This is the time for me to really appreciate her and her features. I
brush my thumb across her bottom lip. Her eyes flick open and she releases
her juicy red lips from between her teeth. I can’t help but gape at it. When I
feel her hand roam to the base of my skull, I shudder. My skin rises up, and
I feel myself starting to understand this feeling I have for her.
It’s love. This is what it truly feels like. If you ever have the
chance to feel it, never let it go or settle for less.
Take it with both hands and claim it.
Claim her.
“You’re so beautiful,” I confess to her. I’m in awe of this girl and
her natural beauty. I know I was meant to say that more to myself, but the
way her eyes light up at me when I confessed enraptures me. That small
glimmer in her eyes and the red tint rising up her neck to meet her cheeks is
immaculate. I’ve never seen someone so stunning in my life. Her wet hair,
wavy and dark brown, sticks around the sides of her face and on her
shoulders.
She innocently blushes like always.
That drives me crazy.
“Thank you,” she whispers with a hint of a smile on her lips. My
thumb has been caressing her jaw all this time.
With that all said, I thrust into her, making her eyes shut once
again as she gasps for air. Kissing her neck to heighten her sensitivity, I
leave my mark on her skin to let everyone who sees us tomorrow know
she’s mine. My first ever girlfriend.
 Once more, I thrust hard into her hollow walls, but not too hard. I
would never want to hurt her. I would never want to treat her like that.
Some people enjoy it rough, and that’s what they like. It’s what I used to
like, mainly because I knew I couldn’t handle any emotions thrown in. So, I
separated my feelings when I fucked girls and really fucked them.
But with Carter, it’s not one of those times. It’s not just about
fucking. It’s much deeper than that. I allow my emotions to peek through
for her, just as much as she does for me. I can see it in her eyes seconds
before she comes undone around me. That look of pure adoration reaches
me, and I want nothing more than to have that look forever with her.
“Nick,” she moans with her legs wrapped tightly around my hips,
comfortably ensuring she stays up against the wall with my help. I’ve never
had shower sex before. Don’t get me wrong, as romantic as it all sounds,
there’s a slight fear factor of slipping or dropping her onto the floor. That
can ruin the mood in under five seconds.
But not right now, I’m fully focused on pleasing her while
keeping us steady and upright. Banging her up against the wall is the hottest
thing I’ve ever done in my life. One hand behind her rests on the cold tiles
while the other is positioned under her butt to hold her in place while I
absolutely devour that delicious pussy of hers. I keep pumping into her
slowly until I get the green light, that’s when I quicken up the pace.
The stream of water striking the floor, the shower running, and the
sound of skin slapping against one another echoes in the heavy air. I lift my
head back, knowing that if I keep this up, I will lose it and release inside of
her very quickly. I don’t want that.
So, I slow it back down and grind each thrust a little harder,
making sure I get the throbbing pink clit of hers too wanting it between my
lips.
“Jesus,” I groan, feeling every bit of this sensation. It’s true what
they say, sex with a person you really like is the best. Sex with a person you
love, that’s a whole other feeling. The other night was unforgettable for me.
The feeling of her body in my hands, the taste of her sweet nectar, and the
sound of my name leaving her lips.
Pump after pump, our moans saturate the air around us, and it has
her throwing her head back against the tiles. She archs her back, allowing
me better access to her breasts. I reach down and shift her up higher to take
one in my hot, needy mouth to suck hard on it. I make sure to roll her nipple
delicately between my teeth, making her more sensitive to my touch.
“Oh my God!” She gasps loudly while gripping the back of my
head. Flicking her head back to face me, I lift my eyes up a little to meet her
gaze. Her eyes are telling me something I can’t quite make out. “Oh God!”
she screams again, continuing to grip on my hair. I can feel her nails pierce
into the skin on my back and in my hair. She bites on her lips to stifle a
moan. I don’t like it when she does that, so I punish her by ranking up the
thrusts and biting harder on her nipple, making her mouth drop wide open
as a result.
Sliding in and out of her is easy because she is dripping wet for
me. I speed it back up and grind harder against her sensitive clit.
“Shit!” I curse at my own actions. It feels good, but I wanted her
to moan. “Fuuuck!” I curse again, roaring in pleasure. I can feel my body
tense along with hers. She’s beginning to clamp down around me, begging
for me to keep going so she can have her release. But I want to come at the
same time as her. So, I keep the pace going and push us both to the limit.
“Fuck, I’m so close, baby!” I groan, almost in pain. You’d swear I had blue
balls for a year with the way I’m pounding into her.
“Ahhh . . . Nick!” She pants to my face. We can feel it building up
to the high point of release. I keep it going and lift her up again with both
hands, each leg draped over my arms as I press her against the wall and
completely own her pussy.
Her pussy is mine and only mine. No other guy is coming
anywhere near it. Her entire self belongs to me. I’m loyal to her. She has me
completely in her hold, and I’m not going anywhere. Not without a fight.
Not without her.
“Ohhh!” She moans loudly.
“Fuck! I’m cumming, Carter!” I roar, pushing us both over the
edge. Jesus Christ, I yell internally. The way her body reacts to the peak of
pleasure, her walls convulsing around my shaft that’s balls deep inside her,
is heavenly. She climaxes around me and pulls me along with her.
Her mouth opens wide as she loses control of her body,
shuddering and buckling in my arms. It’s a struggle to keep her up while I
pump my hot seed into the condom, thinking it’s in her. Technically, I am,
so it keeps my drive and consistency going with the thought of me planting
it inside of her. That’s what I would like to do, but I also am not ready to be
a dad just yet. Or to be beaten to a pulp by her dad and brothers.
I rest my forehead against hers while I squirt inside her. I stare
deep into her eyes that are bright, glowing, and shining back at me while I
pant at each squirt. “Fuck, Carter.” I push into the wall as I lose myself over
and over again, one that I have to breathe hard at.
Once we’ve both come down from our high, I set her back on her
feet and remove the condom that was filled with me. Discarding it in the
trash, we continue our shower. She’s resting against the wall while watching
me doing all of this. I tirelessly smile at her, coming back from my
thoughts. Closing the distance between us, I peck her on the lips and smile.
She reciprocates it and kisses me again.
“For someone who hasn’t had sex much, that was . . .” I breathe
out a huge puff of air. She giggles at me and rolls her eyes. I love it when
she does that.
“I really enjoyed that . . . despite what happened tonight. This has
definitely made up for it by, like, a thousand times.” She’s grinning like a
child in a candy store as she leans up to wrap her arms around my neck to
pull me down to kiss her again. I run my tongue along her bottom lip so I
can enter that hot, sweet mouth to taste her.
I settle my hands on her hips, sliding them around her back and
hugging her close to me. Both of my hands crosses over on her butt, gently
cupping it. Deepening the kiss, I squeeze her butt lightly to show her I
could go again. However, I know it’s only her second time sleeping with
me, so I don’t want her to be sore or hurt if I push my luck, as much as I
really want to. I need to think about her right now and not myself. She
comes first.
It was the feeling of the ice-cold water that separates us in record
time. We were so busy making out with each other that I didn’t realize we
had pressed the handle towards the cold setting, and it’s been a while since
I’ve had one of those. She shrieks and runs away behind me, so I take the
full brunt of icy pellets hitting my bare skin. Not liking the feeling, I
quickly reach over to turn it back to its initial place. I hear her chuckle
behind me, and I listen to that melodic sound again.
I’m so deep with her. I can’t help but want to go deeper.
 The feeling of her lips pressing gently on my back causes me to
shudder more than when the cold water hit me. Her touch is magnetic. Both
her arms reaches around my waist as she hugs me flush with her front from
behind me.
There’s just something about this moment that makes me realize
it’s one I’ll want to relive forever. It’s one I’ll never forget.
This is one of those special moments where you know this is the
person you want to be with. This is the girl I want for the rest of my life.
This is it for me. I just know it. My heart does, too, that’s why it’s been
thumping and thumping and thumping since that very first touch.
She’s the one.
And although I never thought I’d say it, I just know she is. She’s
all I need and what I’ve been unknowingly looking for. She’s the girl that
stands out against the rest. She’s a true gift to have in my life, and I’m never
not happy when I’m with her. It’s the strangest feeling, yet a perfect one.
As if I’ve found the last piece of the puzzle, and I can take a step
back and look at what image has been made.
A rare piece of art.
Natural beauty in all its wonder.
All of this makes me wonder; how did I get so lucky?
I pull myself back to the world I’m in, I turn around and face her,
luring her in and placing her under the showerhead with me so we can wash
each other because that’s what we originally came in here to do. I got a little
sidetracked and horny.
I reach over her head to find the shower gel I bought for her
yesterday. As much as I love her smelling like me, I do like how she smells
normally too. Coconut and mango. I asked my sister what the smell was and
she did all the snooping for me after I bribed her with my mom’s chocolate
cake. The things she’ll do for a little bit of food.
I want to get the smell of chlorine out of her hair too, so I bought
her the shampoo and conditioner to match. When I open it from behind her
head, I notice her eyes haven’t left my face. I blink down at her and smile,
and she sends one back in a heartbeat.
When I pour the thick body wash in my hand, we’re engulfed by
the aroma of sweet mango infused with coconut. Her grin grows wider and
wider as she recognizes it.
 “You bought my favorite body wash?” she whispers in disbelief.
She’s easily pleased, and I love that about her. She loves the simple and
thoughtful things I do for her. She knows I actually listen to her and what
she says.
“Yeah, I did. Even though I like it when you smell like me, I also
love it when you smell like you. So, I bought these.” I place the body wash
back onto the rack and start to scrub her body, starting with her arms and
shoulders and working my way down to her legs, massaging them while I
do it.
“These?” She jerks her hand up to the rack to see all the products
I had bought for her. When I bought them, I did get those strange stares
when all of the women were in the same aisle as I was. They would
comment on how much they loved a guy with a feminine side, but that
wasn’t the case. I was going out of my way to buy them for her. “You
bought all of these for me?” She stands up on the tips of her toes to look at
the bottles on the wall, all lined up, to read the labels. She takes all three of
them down and stares at them incredulously.
“Yeah.” I stand back up to my full height after getting an
unforgettable view of that perky ass of hers when she propped herself up to
get the bottles.
“You really bought me these?” she asks again as she holds them
up with a confused expression on her face. A cute one at that.
“Yep, I like when you smell like this.” I shrug.
“You’re so cute.” She giggles and places them back on the wall,
wrapping herself around me. So, I replicate her and hold her against me.
The skin-on-skin feeling I have always found to be the best, but with her,
there’s no comparison. It’s fucking incredible.
“I want you to come here more often and stay here whenever you
want.” Coaxing her to stay with me is the only way I will get what I want.
She would never just offer to stay unless she’s terrified, like the other night.
She’s too shy to ask, even when we’re in this new relationship.
“Are you sure?” she inquires. Once I nod, I can see that breath-
taking smile again. The way she beams up at me injects a shot of adrenalin
around my body.
Damn, why is she so fucking pretty?
 After we’re finished in the shower, I wrap the towel around her as
soon as we step out. I rub her in the towel like what your parents would do
as a kid when you get out of the bath, making sure she’s warm. I always
make sure that she’s okay before me. It used to be the other way around
because I never cared this much about any girl that I was originally with. I
was always too nonchalant about what they did.
But one thing is for certain, I never allowed them to stay in my
bed. I never had sex with anyone in my bed. Except for Carter. She is and
will be the only girl to ever have had the chance to do that because she’s so
special to me. Some people really have no idea what I mean until you find
that person.
It’s like that feeling where you’re in the fresh air and you can take
a deep breath because all you could breathe was smog. I was deprived of
feeling something for any girl because I knew I’d eventually find this girl. I
knew I’d have her in my life, it’s like an intuition. Now that I have her, I
can take that long-awaited deep breath.
We both saunter back out into my room once again. I have the
towel still wrapped around me, but I’m fishing out some clothes for her
from my clean clothes. I grab a pair of boxers and my jersey to give her.
Taking them from me, she changes into them while I grab myself a fresh
pair. Once we’re clothed, I turn back to see her tying up her hair into a bun
to keep it off her face, still drenched with water from our little steamy
shower.
“You feeling alright?” I ask cautiously, knowing she’ll still be a
little sore from our antics.
“Yeah, just a little tender, but I will be alright.” She grins. If there
is one thing that I could see for the rest of my life, it would be that smile.
That amazing beaming smile that makes me weak inside. There’s just
something about her that makes me impatient for the day I will wake up
with her lying next to me in our own home.
Just us. Both our careers doing well and the fact that we have each
other.
The future used to scare me, but not so much now, seeing as I’ve
met this unforgettable girl. The one girl who has driven me crazy from the
sleepless nights, making me excited to see her the next morning. The one
girl who has put a smile on my face every time I see her. The one girl that
makes my days shorter because I enjoy the time I have with her as it flies
by. She’s the reason why I wake up in the morning and the last thought I
have when I fall asleep at night. She sometimes keeps me up all night,
staring at the ceiling wondering what she’s up to.
The sleepless nights of us talking on the phone is both the best
and worst feeling ever. The best because I get to hear her voice, and the
worst because she’s not lying next to me and telling me this stuff to my
face.
It’s what I want with her. A life with her. A life outside of
football, and a girl I can gladly come home to and see every day.
“You can stay here for the night and I’ll make you feel better.” I
wink to her. Red rises up her cheeks, which almost makes me laugh. I love
when she blushes. She blushes at the most innocent things, too, which
makes it even more adorable. “Don’t worry, we’ve done our workout. Now,
it’s all about relaxing between the sheets, Carter,” I only say that to make
her go even redder than she already is. I know, I can be mean, but I just love
that little blush on her cheeks.
“Nick!” She laughs, making her feel even more embarrassed.
“What? We had a good time in there, didn’t we? I wouldn’t mind
going another round, but I know you’re sore, so I’m not going to push it.
Besides, I did all the work in there, so I need some relaxation time now . . .
with my girlfriend.” It feels so good when I say that.
My girlfriend.
It just rolls effortlessly off my tongue, no problem. Like this was
all meant to be. Maybe we were meant to be. I feel as though we were.
There is an invisible force pulling us together, which gets stronger when we
try to fight it, but it’s better to just give in and let it all happen naturally.
There’s no point in denying our feelings for one another. She was the first
girl that I was unsure of if she had any feelings for me, the first girl that
drove me nuts, and the first girl that I ever chased.
And boy, did I love the chase she gave me. Look at where I am
now; I’m in a relationship because of it. I have the perfect girlfriend
because of the effort I put in to get her and claim her as mine. I’m fortunate,
and I couldn’t ask for anything more right now.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” She waves me off. “I didn’t ask you to pin me
against the wall, did I?” I shrug. “Or lift me up higher?” I shrug once more.
“Or initiate sex?” She smirks, and I cannot contain the smile on my face
because she’s got me there. I did all of the above and I don’t even give a
fuck.
“Is it so bad to want to cherish my hot and sexy girlfriend?” I
tease her as I move closer to her. I place both of my hard large hands on her
smooth, sun-kissed shoulders.
“No, but don’t be blaming me when you can’t control yourself.”
She lifts an eyebrow and stares back at me.
“I wasn’t blaming you . . . per se. I was merely stating . . . Alright,
I was blaming you. I mean look at you!” I hold both my hands out to her
gorgeous face, highlighting the fact that she shouldn’t be real. None of this
should be real, right? “You’re perfect! How could I not? I couldn’t control
myself and I didn’t want to either,” I say to her as a fact.
“You can be real smooth sometimes, you know that, right?” She
laughs, placing her flat palm on my chest to push me back. I don’t move an
inch; I’m standing my ground.
“So I’ve been told.” I shift over to her at the same time, pulling
her closer to my body. “You really are beautiful, Carter. My God, you really
are.” With those blue heavenly eyes looking up at me and the light resting
softly on those tasty lips, I can’t express how much she really means to me
in words. It’s not enough.
That blush once again creeps up her neck and towards her face,
lighting it up for me.
“Thank you. You’re really handsome, Nick,” she compliments me
back wholeheartedly.
“I’m so fucking lucky to have met you so soon. Thank you for
giving me a shot. Even after all what has happened to you. Between Maya
and her vandalizing everything, Erin and her snooty comments, and the risk
of losing friendships because of me. You don’t know how much I appreciate
you and how strong you are.” I can feel my heart ramming against my
ribcage as I say all of this to her. I’m speaking from with absolute sincerity,
that’s why it’s excited. After all the heartless moves I’ve pulled in the past
with girls, it surprised me when it started to beat for Carter when I first met
her. I was amazed I even had a heart.
She doesn’t say anything but just gawps at me, making me
chuckle at her.
 Taking the chance, I lean into her and ravish her mouth, pressing
her lips against mine along with our bodies. It’s a slow and passionate kiss
that takes me to another dimension, like always. She’s this bright light for
me, and I’m always being pulled towards her. Like a magnetic field
drawing me into this amazing world with her, I know one thing is for
certain.
I can’t let her go.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
I Want the Girl

Nick
“Jackson!” My head snaps around to that voice I’ve come to hate
even more this week. Coach has been on mine and Ryan’s asses each day.
Just when I thought the time we had with him was over, he drags us both
back under his wing to make us “bond,” even when we can’t stand each
other.
“Pass it, Jackson.”
“Throw it now.”
“Run.”
“Let’s go again.”
“Go. Go. Go!”
That’s all I’ve heard this week. That, and my name. It’s taking
everything I have to not throw in the towel and walk away. Everything.
“Jackson!” he repeats himself, this time with a little more edge in
his tone. I turn my body to face him. Sweat is streaming down my bare
chest in the dry heat. I’ve had enough for today. Coach can suck it for all I
care.
“What?” I snap at him and he steps right into my personal space. I
breathe in and out, trying to catch my breath again after running so many
drills today.
“What kind of pass was that? My daughter could throw better than
that!” he yells at me with heated eyes. I shut mine and sigh, trying not to let
my fist to greet his face. I would gladly knock him out right now, but I need
to play this game coming up.
“Maybe she should be quarterback then?” I counter. I have no
energy to fight him on this. He’s been up my ass since day one. I’d say his
own wife is sick of listening to him talk about me. I’d say she’d shudder if
she hears my name.
“Maybe she should. And maybe you need to drop that attitude of
yours too . . .” He narrows his eyes at me, trying to make himself look
scarier than he actually is. I don’t even care what he does anymore. After
this week, I’ll be back with Bulldog. He’s my main man. “Let’s go again.”
He points down the field and I grind my teeth. I bite my tongue from
making a snarky response. This is the fifty-fourth time we’ve done this
drill.
Yes, I’ve been counting.
I’m that tired of this shit now. I do nothing but run around like a
headless chicken. I eat and I sleep. I don’t even have the time to see Carter,
hence my bad mood.
“I hear your name leave his mouth more times than I hear it
leaving Maya’s when you two fucked. Jesus Christ, I’m sick of this shit . .
.” Ryan and I both wipe our brows of sweat forming like they have all week
whenever we step onto the field. The temperature has skyrocketed in the
past week, and we’re all really feeling the heavy air in our lungs.
“Just start running, Averman.” I growl at him for bringing her up.
I don’t want to hear her name anymore. I’m sick of her shit. She’s annoying
and desperate, same with Erin. Ryan glares at me and paces himself to the
starting point he knows all too well.
Fifty-five, this time.
“One more! Then you can call it a day!” Coach hollers at the two
of us. I huff out one more breath as Ryan sets himself up one last time. The
whistle blows and he takes off. I launch the ball right down the middle and
he catches it with ease. I thank the Lord above I get to go home and rest for
the night and tomorrow morning. Our game is tomorrow afternoon, and we
need to get it together as a team. The guys were sloppy today and at the last
game, for whatever reason. Bulldog wasn’t happy one bit.
We both gather our shirts that are laying on the ground and start to
walk down the dark tunnel. We push the door open and get treated by the
guys’ fresh scent. They have been in here for the past half hour while Ryan
and I have been out running drills. Before I walk over to my section, a hand
rests on my shoulder with a strong grip. I crane my neck to see who it is.
 Seeing it’s Coach again, I groan, wondering what he wants with
me now.
“I need a word, Jackson.” He nods to his office, and I lament
internally.
“Can’t it wait? I stink and need a shower—”
“Now.” He doesn’t give any leeway with me. As he walks away,
the room turns silent. I follow him inside. I shut the door when he tells me
to and I sit on the chair in front of his desk. He leans forward on his own
plush leather seat and clasps his two hands over each other in thought,
resting it under his nose.
“I know you’re a little worried about tomorrow’s game, but we’ll
be fine. We always pull through. We all have bad games coach, we can’t
play exceptional all of the time,” I try to coax this meeting to a quick end.
He’s not speaking at all. This has me now slightly anxious. “Coach?” I ask.
He sits back into the seat and stares at me.
“I’ve been speaking with your father, Jackson,” he trails off, and I
feel my brows start to furrow. Why the fuck have they been talking? What
the hell is this meeting even about then?
“Why?” I ask with a hint of annoyance laced in my tone.
“I called him.” He’s really not giving me much to go by.
“Again . . . why?” I repeat myself with an exasperated huff. What
the fuck are they conspiring together? I’m really annoyed, and I’ll be even
worse if he doesn’t shed some light on their conversation anytime soon.
“I was wondering why you seemed distracted.” My eyebrows
shoot up in surprise.
“Distracted? I’m not distracted, Coach . . . Bulldog can back me
up—”
“Your game is off, Jackson. Bulldog agrees with me on this,” he
cuts me off and I feel a slight pang of betrayal. Usually, when my game is
off, Bulldog would let me know. Now, he’s kept that to himself. He’s my
coach, he should tell me if I’m fucking around. He knows my game better
than anyone I know. He made me the player I am today.
“Then why did you call my dad? What has he got to do with my
game? I should be the one you should talk to if you have a problem with
me.” I’m beginning to get animated because people are bitching about me
behind my back. Just say it to my face if you’re going to have the nerve to
speak to someone else about it behind my back. I don’t like being
bullshitted around here. I never have and I never will. I don’t take kindly to
this crap.
I watch his eyes flick up to the door behind me. Then his index
finger curls, telling whoever is on the other side to come in. He then sinks
into the seat with a small exhalation.
I feel my hands fist up, knowing who has entered. I know that
cologne from anywhere.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I growl while still looking at
Coach. I have to breathe before I turn around and face my father. He’s
caused me nothing but irritation for the past few weeks. This pole lodged up
his ass needs to be taken out, effective immediately.
“I’m here to talk to you and Coach, son. We need to talk about
your future.” The unperturbed tone in his voice has my head snapping
around to face him. I push back the chair with the backs of my legs as I
stand up, towering him in the process.
“Future? I have everything sorted—”
“Sit. Now,” he warns me while shoving my shoulder back down
into the seat I was restfully sitting in previously.
“Does Mom know you’re here?” I ask while gritting my teeth.
“No, and you won’t tell her. Is that understood?” I temper myself
and sink into the leather seat with a squeak.
“What do you want?” I grumble, staring down at my hands,
knowing full well there’s a motivation behind this visit. I know there is. It’s
so unlike him to get very involved in the football program. My grandad
warned him off since middle school. Now, he’s got another thing on his
mind.
“Like I said, to talk.” He meets Coach with a handshake and a
nod. Coach adjusts his hat in the process when I finally look up and away
from my hands. I watch them both interact with each other, silently
communicating something between one another—something I won’t like.
“About what? I thought grandad told you to stay out of it,” I
remind him bitterly. I have this under control.
“You can’t afford to be distracted, Nick,” Coach begins again. “I
can see your play has become distorted and sloppy. You’re the leader of this
team, despite being co-captain. I expect you to lead the team to victory
again. I don’t want your head in the clouds! I have a number of NFL teams
talking to me about a few of you; you being their number one topic. They
like your style of play, they’re coming to watch your next game. I don’t
want you to miss this opportunity—”
“And I won’t! I’m playing just fine—” I start but get cut off by
my dad.
“Playing just fine? Son, you’re not passing to Averman, you’re
losing chances on the field. That can’t happen, not at this point during the
season. You need to take any opportunity you have, and by not passing to
him, you’re on the verge of losing the game and getting knocked out
completely.” I sit in my seat and think about what he just said. Maybe I do
need to pass to Ryan. The title is at stake right now, and I’d rather win it for
the college than be seen as a flop.
“You’re talented kid, that’s why I give you a hard time. I want you
to play for the best because that’s what you deserve and need. You need to
be pushed in the right direction. You’re on the same talent level as the Steel
guys. You could be the best if you just bring back that focus you once had! I
can see your drive, Nick, don’t mess it up. This is your career on the line
right now,” Coach compliments me.
They’re trying to steer me to focus, but I am. I’m totally focused
right now. I don’t understand why they think I’m not. Coach continues,
“The kid that I trained wouldn’t let anything get in the way of his chances at
the NFL. Not even a girl.” I blink at what he just said. I scoff a little at what
they’re implying, almost laughing. This has nothing to do with Carter.
“Nick, you need one hundred percent effort and drive, and you
need it now. So, drop the deadweight that’s around your waist and push
onwards.” I can see my father crouch down beside the seat I’m on as I
continue to blink at nothing in particular. I gawp into the space in front of
me in a complete daze.
So, this is what this meeting is about.
“She’s not deadweight dad. She’s my girlfriend,” I bark back once
I finally build up enough anger inside of me to release it back at them. She’s
by no means deadweight to me.
“Not for long. I want it to end. Now.” He clenches his jaw as a
reminder not to push it with him, but I also want him to back off of me. I’m
an adult, and what I want to do is my goddamn business. If I want to date
her, I’ll date her. If I want her to be my girlfriend, she’ll be my girlfriend.
“No,” I bite back at him.
He stands up and exhales deeply, placing both hands into his pants
pockets, silently telling me, “Don’t make me take them out to give you a
good smack on the head boy.”
“No?” He tilts his head and adorns a blank expression. “It wasn’t
a question, Nick. You will end it with her, and you will end it as soon as this
meeting is finished. No son of mine is getting distracted over some girl.
Especially a girl whose last name is the most famous name in NFL history,
is that clear?” he threatens once again.
I was going to say no again, but I get interrupted by Coach once
again.
“Nick, I have to agree with your dad. Ever since she came on to
the scene, you and Ryan don’t see eye to eye. You also haven’t been playing
to your full potential. I’d hate to see your talent go to waste. If she was any
other girl, it wouldn’t be hard. But since she’s a Steel, it puts your career at
risk. Her dad could end it in a heartbeat—”
“Then shouldn’t you be encouraging me to stay with her? We’re
official, and I’m pretty sure her dad knows too.” I’m so confused? They
want me to dump her and possibly cause more problems than what they
think is happening? None of this makes sense.
“The sooner you end it, the better chance you have of getting a
contract, Nick.” Coach clasps his hands together, his eyes remaining on me.
“Rodger Steel hasn’t got much influence in recruiters other than from the
Giants. He just points to who he wants and sends people to watch for him.
He’s too busy right now to be worrying about new players and traveling to
the games. He just pitches them if he thinks they’re worth it and trains
them. That’s it.
“So, the quicker you end it, the more of a chance you have of
getting a contract with someone other than the Giants. You won’t be hearing
from them after this, no doubt. It’s too risky to stay with her, you won’t be
seen as a serious player. They will overlook your potential because your
dating Rodger Steel’s daughter. They won’t look at you twice; they’ll think
that you only have her there to get your foot in the door and you won’t be
seen as the exceptional player that you are, kid,” Coach tries to reason with
me, but I feel nothing but fire in my body right now. So what if they don’t
see me as a good player? I’ll work twice as hard as any other player in the
NFL to prove my talent.
“Then I quit.” I throw him my jersey and stand up to walk out of
the office. A hand jerks me back by my shoulder and shoves me against the
wall of the office.
“You listen to me and you listen good, you will not be giving this
all up for some girl. You got that? I swear if you walk out of this office—”
“You’ll do what? Train me yourself?” I snort at my red-faced
father who had stepped right up to my face. We’re practically nose to nose
and chest to chest. A test between the two alphas.
“I will do it myself,” he says to me while grinding his teeth lowly.
I clench my jaw successfully after hearing that. “I will have a talk with her
and her parents about all of this and how much of mistake you made by
getting involved with her. Mark my words, son, I will do it if you don’t.” I
glare at my father who has a dark look in his eyes. That’s how I know he’s
serious.
“You touch her or go anywhere near her, I will walk away from
you, Dad. Don’t threaten me with that shit!” I throw in my own warning.
“I’m not fucking around—”
“Neither am I, Nick!” He slams his hand into the wall beside my
head as he roars at me.
“Why aren’t you saying this to TJ? Why is it just me you’re
talking to about this? He’s with Haley, and I don’t see you interfering in
their relationship!” I snarl at them both. Hypocritical, don’t you think? I
want to say that but I know that it’ll only add fuel to the fire.
“Because TJ isn’t distracted, you are! Now end it!” He pushes me
back with no remorse. He doesn’t care about anything other than football
and me making it “big.” That’s all he’s ever been concerned about;
producing an offspring so that he can watch TV and make them larger than
life.
He’s showing his true colors when giving me this ultimatum.
They both are. Choose football or the girl. Right now, I want the girl but
they’re not giving me equal options. They’re telling me, not asking. They
want football, and it’s two against one.
 “I’m not doing it. I’m not dumping her. I’ll pass to Ryan. That’s
about all you’re getting from me, but I’m not breaking up with her! This is
the end of this discussion!” I yell back at him. He let the dark side of myself
out of its cage. He let his own demon out as well to counter mine, and now
it’s a dangerous battle between the two demonic egos right.
“Nick Aidan Jackson, I swear on your grandfather’s grave I will
do it myself if you don’t end it!” he suddenly yells, “I mean it! Wipe that
stupid smirk off your face right now or so help me God!” I flinch at how
loud he’s yelling but I muster up enough courage to look him straight in the
eyes once more. Those eyes that I won’t ever look in to again after I walk
out of this office.
“No,” I reply simply. I can feel the heat being emitted from him.
“Steel could ruin your career, Nick. Don’t make me do it,” my dad
threatens me with a growl. I can taste the bitterness of his words as he feeds
them to me.
“Let him. I don’t care.” I shrug. After that, my oxygen supply gets
cut off by a hand on my neck, disturbing me and coach in the office. He
slams my head against the wall and I feel a sharp pain in the base of my
skull.
“Mr. Jackson, release the boy now! MR. JACKSON!” Coach
drags him off me and I struggle to breathe. I clasp my hand around my
throat as I calm myself down from punching some sense into my raging
father. “Breathe,” Coach warns him. I can’t believe it.
I can’t believe my own father just choked me in front of my
coach. He put his hands on me as I stand there, stunned. I now look at my
father in a different light; a much darker one.
“I’m not warning you anymore, Nick. I think you got the message
loud and clear—”
“Shut the fuck up!” I scream at him, completely astonished that he
had the nerve to put his hands on me like that. “You’re a fucking asshole,
you know that! Jesus Christ, you’re a psycho too!” I cough and swallow,
turning my back on both of them. I rest my open palm against the cold wall
for support. Hearing hurried steps coming to me, I can hear coach pushing
my dad back away from me.
“Don’t wind me up, Nick. You won’t like it! I mean it!” he warns
again. I turn back around and stare at the man I thought I knew all my life.
Turns out, I don’t. I don’t even have a clue who this man is, and I don’t ever
want to speak to him again either.
I walk backwards until I meet the wall again. My bare back
shudders at the coldness, and I slide down until I’m into a crouching
position, my elbows resting on my knees for support. I stare at the wooden
floor of my coach’s office. Trophies in cabinets and posters lining the walls,
reminding me it could be me one day.
“Don’t make it worse, Nick. Just end it with her. It would make
things a lot simpler. You could be the next big thing in the NFL,” he
promises me and I can’t even look at him anymore.
“Even if I did become the next big thing in the NFL”—I break my
gaze from my intertwined hands to look at my dad once again—“I wouldn’t
want you there or anywhere near me.” I shake my head in disappointment.
“I can’t even look at you right now. I’m done with you, Dad. I have nothing
more to say to you.” I push myself back up and walk out of the office. I’m
not going back to discuss this anymore. I stride back into an empty locker
room. Only Ryan is here, who I can hear in the showers, humming
something to himself.
“Jackson.” I can hear coach shadowing me.
“I have nothing to say to you either.” I pull my bag out of the
locker assigned to me and rummage through it to find my shampoo so I can
shower.
“I want you to listen.” He rests his hand on my shoulder in a
calming manner, unlike my dad.
“I don’t want to listen to you either.” I yank my towel
aggressively out of my bag, telling him to walk away from me before I say
or do something I’ll regret, but he doesn’t listen to me. “Just hear me out
kid?” he suggests. Coach sits next to my gym bag when I don’t respond. I
don’t sit next to him. Instead, I remain standing and cross my arms over my
chest.
“You’re an extraordinary player, Nick. I don’t think you
understand just how great you are. The last quarterback I coached that had
the same drive, passion, and talent was Austin Steel. I know it’s not the best
comparison, but he was extremely focused with his game and look where
it’s gotten him? He’s a huge star on the field and the most sought after
quarterback on the planet. I know that, that could be you someday. You just
need that push, that’s why I’m hard on you. I’m not saying you’re my
favorite, but you’re my favorite.” He chuckles but I don’t laugh. Instead, I
huff loudly and throw my towel back into the bag. I make my way over to
sit next to him.
“Listen, kid, I know you have a real thing for her. But it’s just not
good right now. You’re finishing college and she’s only starting, so do you
think it’s the best thing to go and get into a relationship when you’re about
to leave and travel around the country under a new contract while she’s here
for the next three or so years studying?” He convinces me to think strongly
about it. Maybe he’s right? Maybe I jumped in head first? But why does it
feel so right to be with her? Why do I feel like shit for thinking about
leaving her?
“Coach, I don’t know if I can do that to her. I’ll hurt her, and I will
never, ever forgive myself for it. She means everything to me, and I do
mean everything. I’ve never felt like this about a girl before, and I want her
every step of the way with me. I want her beside me at all times when I’m
making it up the ranks. I just can’t walk away from her. I fell for her, I fell
hard for her, Coach.” I begin to fidget as I finally confess how I feel about
her out loud. I care so much for her, and I would never want to hurt her.
This is, hands down, the worst day of my life to date. I’m stuck between a
rock and a hard place.
“I’ll let you in a piece of advice my father once told me as a
young man in love; if it’s meant to be, she’ll come back. But this is your
career on the line, Nick, don’t let this chance slip by.” That’s when I realize.
I know deep down inside, he might be right. As much as it physically hurts
me to say it. He’s right. “Just think about what we spoke about, kid. Give it
some time. This is a big decision, so make sure you’re making the right
one.” He pats my leg and leaves me alone with my thoughts. My own mind
is my own worst enemy right now.
I didn’t even hear the water turn off, telling me Ryan has ended
his shower time. I was staring at the jersey hanging directly across from me
when he enters.
There is an awkward silence, something that I don’t want to be
part of. Nothing was said between us. I decide to ignore him and slip into
the showers alone to cleanse myself. Showers always help me clear my
mind.
 Basically, they have given me an ultimatum. Her or football. But
why can’t I have both? It’s greedy, but possible.
I’m in love with her. Is that not enough? Why do I have to choose
between two things I love the most? How is this fair? Why me? Why me
and not TJ?
Once I switch on the shower, I let the water soak my skin. My
pores open up to breathe.
My irritation spikes, so I punch the wall and feel my knuckle
crack. I spin around and throw my shower gel at the opposite wall with so
much force. I yell at it for being such a nuisance. Then I launch my
shampoo after it. I’m so tired right now.
“Fuck this shit,” I mutter to the floor before squatting down and
sitting with my back to the wall. The sound of the water splashing against
the cold tiles of the locker room shower saturates the air.
My mind unravels from this, this fucking decision that will ruin
my life. I know I won’t be happy either way. I need both. I need them both
in my life.
But I know I can’t have her.
If I don’t end it, my dad will. It’ll be better coming from me, even
when I don’t want to do it.
I don’t want to be another guy to break her heart. I can’t bear the
thought of breaking her heart. I can’t bear the thought of her moving on.
The thought of her with another guy sets me off again. She belongs to me.
She belongs with me. Nobody else, and that’s final.
But what do I do?
Do I leave football? Or do I leave her?
What do I do?
After an hour of sulking in the locker room and shower, I had now
reverted to sulking in my car as I drive myself home and park on the curb
outside the house. I’ve felt nothing but fury this whole time since the
conversation. The conversation that has single handily ruined my day and
probably my thought process. As I stomp up to the front door to open it up,
I see the rowdy guys chanting and jumping around like idiots; idiots I don’t
have time for.
“Man, you’re such a fucking moron, Whitemill.” I don’t even
look up to see who said it. I don’t care all I want is to be alone today.
 “Whatever . . . I was drunk,” Whitemill grumbles back while a
loud eruption of laughter breaks out in the living room. I’m not interested,
so I shove my way through the guys hanging around the hallways between
the kitchen and living room.
“Yo! Nick, you good?” Rob asks, pulling on my sleeve. I yank it
back out of his grip.
“Leave me alone,” I grumble as I turn on my heel to give him a
threatening look.
“I’m just asking—”
“Rob, leave it.” The last person I thought that would’ve left me
alone would be Ryan. The last person I thought would stick up for me and
let me be.
“Uhh . . .” Rob stares back and forth between the two of us,
confused as to why Ryan has taken my side. “Alright.” Rob backs away and
I continue my travel to my room. Once I’m in the safety of my own room, I
lose it.
I slam my bag against the wall, cracking the glass on the picture
hanging and letting it fall after my gym bag. I pick up a football and throw
it at the bookcase beside the window. I pull out the lamp that was sitting on
the study desk and throw that at the wall too, shattering the glass contents of
the bulb. It’s then my door bursts open to reveal a stunned TJ. He races over
to stop me from flipping the table, restraining me against the wall.
“Nick!” he calls my name, but it’s a blur. I’m an angry, frustrated,
raging machine. I can hear mumbling from people. All I want to do is
punch someone or something. So, I start swinging at him, and he slams me
harder against the wall with my two arms aggressively trying to get to him.
I know in my mind he’s got nothing to do with the situation, but I can’t help
my emotions.
I’ve lost control.
“NICK!” he bellows at me. When more of the guys come into my
room, I can see the look of panic written on their faces. Their stunned gazes
watch TJ push me back so I don’t cause any more damage. “FUCKING
HELP ME!” he shouts to them. Two of the guys race over to press my
hands against the wall. They’re struggling because I’ve gathered up so
much adrenaline, anger, frustration. hurt, and disappointment.
 “Nick! Calm down! Calm DOWN!” TJ grabs my face to make
sure I’m focused on him. Both of us are panting. The worried look in his
eyes brings me back from the rage that exploded within me. I crash back to
my surroundings.
For the first time since attending my grandfather’s funeral, I can
feel my world begin to split in two. Tears roll down my face. I’m crying
silently as I stare at my best friend dead in the eyes.
“Everyone out,” he orders. The guys back away from us after
restraining me. I needed it. I am grateful that they helped me, but I also
needed some release. My heart had recessed into the pit of my stomach as I
wait for it to dissolve in an acid bath. I was drowning my own heart and
killing it.
I can’t do this to her.
I can’t let my dad interfere, but I know he will. I know he’ll put
his foot in it and really fuck it all up. It’s already gone to shit, and right
now, I have no idea what to do.
It takes a lot longer than I had expected, but once I’m good and
have calmed down, TJ backs off. He steps away from me and moves closer
to my bed behind him. We haven’t broken any eye contact. He winces at the
sight of me. I’m no doubt red eyed and look completely broken by all of
this.
“Do you want me to call Carter?” he asks. At the sound of her
name, I crack and slide down the wall behind me until I get to the floor.
Sitting down with my knees bent up and my head in my hands, I whimper
at the thought of seeing her.
I know I have to do it. I don’t want my dad saying it to her, it’ll
hurt her even more. I know he’ll twist it. I want her to hear it from me.
“My dad and coach want me to end things with Carter,” I whisper
to my best friend. I hear him sigh as I stare at the floor beneath me.
“Shit . . . Nick, I’m sorry.” He doesn’t sound too pleased for me
either. At least I know he’s on my side. “That’s so rough,” he continues, but
it doesn’t make me feel better. Nothing will once I tell her I can’t be with
her.
I’ll become numb and step back from my family. In particular, my
dad. He doesn’t deserve to see me any longer. I’m walking away from him,
and I don’t want to hear or see him again.
 “I can’t do it to her, TJ,” I confess. My mind is all over the place.
I don’t want to say those words to her. It’ll shatter her, and I will never
forgive myself. “I don’t want to do it. I’m in too deep with her. As much as
it will hurt her, it’ll be ten times worse for me.” I can start to feel the pain
brew in my heart at the thought of seeing her pained expression. It’ll be the
last straw for her and she won’t want anything to do with me. Not that I can
blame her, I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either after what I’ll do.
“You love her, huh?” I nod back at his question. I do love her.
Turns out, I’ve loved her from the very start, I just never realised it until
now. “Man, I don’t know what to say or how to help you Nick. I know that
it’s killing you inside; I can see that much. I’m not blaming it on her, but
you have been a little distracted lately in practice and in games. And the
fact that you’re not passing to Ryan hasn’t helped this.” I glare at my best
friend and he holds up his hands in front of him, like he knows I’m about to
jump down his throat. “I’m just saying, Nick. It’s not an opinion, it’s a
fact,” he swears, and I slam my head against the wall behind me.
We are both enveloped in dead silence, our own thoughts
occupying the time that feels like it’s slowly ticking by.
“What would you do?” I ask him. He shakes his head and sighs in
silence once again.
“I have no idea what I would do. But either choice you make, I’ll
support you one hundred percent. I’ll even help you get Haley off your back
if you need it. I’m here for you, no matter what. We’ve been through so
much together, and I’ll be there for the rest of it. It’s not an easy one Nick,
so think about it carefully. I don’t envy you right now, man . . .” He’s telling
me something that I already fucking know.
This is already eating me alive.
“I don’t have a choice but to end it with her, TJ. I tried walking
away but I couldn’t,” I tell him.
“You tried walking away from it? Seriously?” I nod. He’s stunned
into another gaping silence. “You really are crazy about her, aren’t you?” he
murmurs to me. Confirming that I am, in fact, crazy about this girl, he
slumps his shoulder down. How could I not be crazy about her? I shared all
of my best memories with her, and I don’t want to leave with just those
memories. I want to make so much more with her.
 I want those nights where I wake up in the middle of the dark
night and all I have to do is roll over to see she’s next to me to get a quick
kiss from her.
I want those mornings where I wake up and see her dressed in my
jersey that stops midthigh. I want to watch her dance around the kitchen in
her underwear with me as we make our food. I want to hear her sing, even
if it’s off key.
I want to watch her be the mother of my kids and watch them
grow up alongside her as my wife. I want a football team of kids with her. I
want a daughter who grows up to be just like her.
I want the nervousness of asking her dad and brothers for their
permission to ask her to marry me. I want to be completely speechless when
I see her walk down the aisle towards me with her dad on her arm and I
want to hear “I do” leave her sweet lips. I want her to watch me in the
stands at my professional games, cheering for me with the rest of my
family, kids included, except my father.
That’s all I want in life.
And I’ve fucked it all up for myself. I get none of that. Zero;
zilch; nada.
“Jesus, Nick, I had no idea that’s how much you felt for her. I
thought you just liked her. But by, like, a lot. I didn’t know you actually fell
for her.” TJ sounds defeated for me.
I bang my head against the wall again and again, groaning in pain;
both internally and externally.
“Does your mom know about any of this?” I shake my head.
When we hear a knock on the door, I can see Ryan standing there
with his hands in his pockets. He stares between the both of us, wondering
if he can come in. I nod him into my trashed room and he steps in. He has a
tight smile on, showing that he feels a little awkward.
“I just came in to see how you were doing.” I furrow my brows,
wondering why has a sudden change of heart. “Look, I know we’ve had our
fights and what not, and in the end, you got the girl, but I heard what they
said in Coachs office—”
“You were eavesdropping?!?” I boom back.
“It was kind of hard not to with all the screaming you were all
doing in there, Nick,” he defends himself. I know he’s got a point. It was
just us left in the locker room. So, he essentially had no option but to listen
to the screaming match between me and my dad. “I don’t think it’s fair to
have done that to you,” he continues but I interrupt him again.
“Why? Why are you even caring right now, Averman? You get to
have your shot! You get to have her now while I have to marry football!” I
shout back, and with the look he’s giving me, I begin to feel guilty for the
rash outburst.
“Because I don’t love her, Nick. Yeah, sure, she was hot and a
pretty cool girl, but I would never step on another guy’s toes if I knew he
loved another girl. It’s not me, despite the shit you did to me.” I was about
to speak up with that but he shakes his head to stop me and let himself
continue. “I’m sorry for egging you on. I didn’t realize how much you
actually cared for her. I thought you only liked her because I got there first.
I saw her as a prize to get a one up on you when I shouldn’t have. I was
wrong, and I wouldn’t have gotten in between you both if I had known you
fell for her.”
I have got a feeling this is the part where Ryan and I make up, but
I’m too confused right now to even speak or move. He smiles pitifully at
me. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to apologize,” he says as
he stands up to exit but stops at the door once again. He turns around to face
me and TJ once more. He nods to himself like he’s agreeing with his own
thoughts. “If you do choose her, you got a good one man. I know you’ll be
happy with her. She’s a keeper. But, if you choose football . . .”
He pauses for the longest time and watches me, then smiles gently
over to me. A soft, genuine smile that takes me back a little. “Find her
again. Don’t let her go, and don’t make the same mistake twice,” he offers
some solid advice.
I know now that I’ve got a huge decision to make.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Never Forget

Carter
The vibration of my phone beside my bed jolts me out of my sleep
that I was very much enjoying. I mumble profanities to myself as I roll over
to see who is calling me at this hour of the morning. It’s a Saturday, and I
was hell bent on sleeping in today so I could stay awake for the party after
the game tonight.
Once I squint with one eye, I see my boyfriend’s name light up on
my screen with our picture together; the picture of us on the boat from our
first ever date together.
“Hello?” I answer him sleepily and slam my body back down in
the cold, dark room. When this call is over, I have no doubt in my mind I
will drift back off to sleep. I need it since I’ve been waking up so early in
the morning and staying up late for this week. I had a test yesterday
afternoon, so I had to get studying for it. Plus, I was up all night talking to
Nick on some nights.
I need to keep my GPA high for myself. I know I put a lot of
pressure on myself, but I want my parents to be happy with my grades. I
want them to be proud of me. Learning is my thing, while sports is my
brothers’ thing.
“Hey,” he responds as I try to blink myself awake but my eyes are
sewn shut.
“What’s up?” I ask him when he doesn’t say anything further. The
line goes silent. I wonder if he’s still there. I lift the phone back away from
my face to see if he’s still on the line. He is, and I place it back to my ear.
“Nick?” I ask him.
“Ugh! Yeah! Sorry, I was daydreaming there.” He laughs a little.
“Okay?” I chuckle to myself.
 “I was wondering if you could meet me for coffee this morning?”
he invites me, and I furrow my brows wondering why?
There’s something up with him. I can hear it in his tone. He
sounds a little defeated. Maybe he’s nervous about today’s game? I know
it’s a big one. As co-captain, he has a lot of weight on his shoulders this
season. The title and the NFL drafting’s are coming up along with pressures
of it being his last year on the college team. So, scouts attend the games
more and more. pitching their ideas and plans for each of the players they
want, coaxing them into thinking about joining their team. I know the drill
from both sides. I grew up in that light.
“Is everything okay, Nick?” I inquire.
“Yeah . . . um, I just need to talk to you,” he says in a somber
tone, one that I’m a little anxious about. There was a slight waver in his
voice that has me a little more awake to this conversation, or the one that
will happen.
“Okay, um . . . what time would you like me to be there at?” I ask
him as I set myself up and place him on speaker. I can feel my nerves begin
to act up.
“Meet me in half an hour? At the coffee place next to the library?”
he informs me as I rummage through my drawers to find some fresh clothes
and underwear to put on.
“Yeah, sure I’ll see you soon,” I respond back, and I wait for him
to agree and say goodbye. Once he does, I hang up and get a move on.
I change into some fresh clothes. It’s sunny outside, so I wear a
light white top and pair it with ripped denim jeans and white converse. I
throw my hair in a bun and wear no makeup. Luckily, my skin decided to
behave itself today as I clean it and place moisturizer on top of its surface.
Going barefaced isn’t my usual thing but today, I don’t have the time. I
don’t want to keep him waiting.
Once I’m ready, I have ten minutes left before I’m officially late. I
grab my purse as I leave out the door, shutting is delicately behind me.
Neither Haley nor Danielle are awake at the moment, because what idiot
would be awake at nine on a Saturday. Oh wait . . .
As I saunter through a deserted campus, I make my way towards
the coffee shop as the sun shines down on me. I smile as it heats me up as I
walk along the pathway with my bag on my shoulder.
 Not a single person in sight. It looks like something from the
apocalypse. Dead leaves and burnt grass dot the field next to me because
the temperatures have been soaring for the past week. There hasn’t been a
single cloud in the sky all week, and it has made people smile a little more.
They’re getting their vitamin D as well as get to sit outside to study in their
groups. Some would even throw a ball or frisbee to pass the time for a
quick break. So, it’s a little unusual that Nick wants to go to a coffee shop
when it’s so hot outside?
Maybe he didn’t sleep well last night because he’s anxious about
the game and wants someone to talk to?
Seeing the coffee shop in my sight, I pick up my pace to see if
Nick’s here yet. I can see him sitting in the window, staring down at his cup
in a complete daze. He’s twirling it around in his hand as he watches
unknowingly at the foam dancing. His large athletic body is hunched over
the table in deep thought about something.
Nick doesn’t notice me until he hears the bells chime upon my
entrance. His eyes flick up, and he smiles softly at me. I return it and make
my way over to the table where he is sitting alone. He doesn’t let me sit
down without a huge hug and a peck.
“Hey,” I beam up at him and he tucks the loose piece of hair that
fell from my bun behind my ear. Staring at me like he’s amazed by me.
“Hey.” He lifts the left side of his mouth as a small smile.
Cupping my cheeks in his hands, he stares at me for a little while longer,
right into my eyes with those hunter-green eyes. “I ordered you an iced
coffee with cookies and cream. I know you don’t want a hot chocolate right
now, with the weather outside.” He brushes his thumbs across my cheeks. I
lean more into it, adoring the simple, yet affectionate light caress.
“Thank you.” I kiss him in his warm and soft lips.
“It’s no problem.” He gestures for me to sit opposite him. We both
take our seats in the booth. I make myself comfy and place my bag beside
me.
“So, what did you want to talk about with me?” I ask as I take a
sip of my iced coffee, moaning at the taste of cookies and cream. This is
amazing. This might be my new drink for the summer months and the exam
period. I know I’ll need all the caffeine I can get for that time of the year.
 “Um . . .” he begins, drawing my attention back to him. His hands
start to fidget again, like when I first saw him. It’s a sign he’s nervous about
something. I can tell by the expression on his face too. Something is
bothering him inside, and it’s starting to make me feel a little nervous.
He takes a strong gulp of the black coffee he bought for himself
and looks around the café, anywhere but me. There’s definitely something
he’s not telling me. He looks like he wants to avoid it too.
I can feel my own heart thumping away by itself in anticipation as
to what it could be.
“Hey, are you okay?” I ask him softly. I try to reach for his hand
to take in mine. When I slip it in between his interlocked hands, he finally
looks at me. He looks as white as a ghost. That’s very uncommon in
Mississipi. Majority of the people are tanned here, especially him because
he runs around with his shirt off all the time during practice. Most players
do when they train. But in this heat right now, I don’t blame them.
“Um, yeah . . . Actually, no.” He shakes his head, disoriented with
himself. He’s going back and forth. “I need to talk to you about something.”
I smile and nod, waiting patiently for him to begin his train of thought that
has him like this. It must be serious.
“You’ve already said that.” I chuckle a little, but he doesn’t. He
remains nervous. His jaw clenches and unclenches while he watches me.
“I spoke to Coach yesterday,” he begins lowly.
“Oh yeah? How’d that go?” I wonder, sipping my drink with my
free hand because my other is clasped with his.
“Not good . . . My dad was there too,” he explains, and I swallow
my contents slowly and suspiciously. I know his dad puts a lot of pressure
on him to win games and be the best he can be. That’s a lot of weight on his
shoulders. I know he cares for Nick and his career, but if he keeps doing
that to him, Nick will start to hate the game. That will kill his game
completely.
“What happened?” I ask him to continue, but he drops his head
down. Sighing loudly, he lets go of my hand and covers his own face,
ashamed of himself.
“They gave me an ultimatum, Carter,” he mumbles into his hands.
I’m still confused as to where this is going. He’s not explaining this very
well.
 “What?” I tilt my head to the side, curious as to what they could
have said to him. Why is he acting so strange right now? It’s weirding me
out at the moment. I’m uncomfortable right now just sitting across from
him. I lean back on the seat and stare at him once he gives me his full
attention. “Nick, look at me. What ultimatum?” I ask firmly this time. I
don’t like the way he’s acting right now. This is not him. “Nick—”
“They want me to choose between you and football,” he blurts
out. His face contorts out of pain in the process of telling me this. I watch
his shoulders sag as I sink into the seat I’m sitting on. My entire body feels
heavy and lifeless. He drops both hands away from his face and lays them
on the table both our cups are sitting on. He’s refusing to make any eye
contact with me as he gazes down at the space between both our drinks.
And that’s when it hits me—and it hits me hard. They gave him
an ultimatum, but he has chosen . . . and it’s not me.
“You chose football, didn’t you?” I whisper to him. I could feel
the tears pool in my eyes as I stare blankly at him. I’m trying not to believe
my own words, trying to take it back and wait for him to show me that I’m
wrong. But he’s not. He’s not doing anything.
How could I be so stupid? To think that any guy would choose me
over their career? All I want is to be loved by someone. That’s all I want in
life, but that stupid ultimatum keeps coming back to haunt me. It’s the same
with these guys. They choose football over me, they act like there’s a choice
when they can clearly have both.
“Carter, just listen to me,” he begs to me, but I shake my head
rapidly. I can’t believe I’m feeling this all again for the third time. I knew I
shouldn’t have persued this with him. I knew I should’ve just walked away.
It was too good to be true. It’s was all too good.
“No! How could you!” I whimper at him. His eyes widen in
shock.
“No, please, you have to let me explain. I didn’t have a choice, I
do want to be with you—”
“Just stop, Nick! Just fucking stop. Save the ‘It’s me, not you’
speech. I know where this all goes, I’ve heard this all before.” I push myself
up out of the booth and sidestep out to leave the cafe. A hand grips my
wrist.
 “Carter, please just hear me out. I want to be with you, I do. I’m
being pressured to do this-”
“You’re just like the rest of them, Nick. I thought you were
different. I thought you really did care for me. But you’re like all the others.
Every single one of you gets to have that shot in the NFL. You got what you
wanted, I hope you’re very happy. Enjoy your career, because I won’t be
there watching you from the stands.” The hot tears stream down my face. I
can feel them rolling down my neck like a river. I get pulled back for a
second time to him, his grip tightening.
“Listen to me, Carter. I’m telling you the truth. I want to be with
you, but I can’t. Not right now. They think it’ll ruin my career—” My heart
drops onto the floor when he said that.
“I would ruin your career?” I sob back.
“That’s not what I meant. It came out wrong,” he retracts his
statement and runs his free hand through his blond hair in frustration,
messing it up. I feel an itch to fix it for him, but I know that’s not my place
anymore. Because he’s breaking up with me. He’s breaking up with me in a
college coffee shop at nine in the morning on a Saturday, right before his
big game.
“I got the message. You don’t need to keep defending yourself,
Nick. I got the message loud and clear.” I shake my head, disappointed at
him and his choice, cradling my own chest as it pains me. I can literally feel
my heart break in two right now as it withers away inside of me.
“I want to be with you, Carter, please believe me. Just give it
time, please. I want you to be my girlfriend.” He keeps telling me all this,
and I yank my hand out of his hold so I can really leave this time. I’m sick
of him talking right now.
I don’t want to be here, either. I don’t want to hear his voice or
look at his beautiful face anymore. I can’t because with each word it hurts,
and with each look it breaks me. I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.
“I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. I don’t want to see
you or talk to you ever again, Nick. I’m done. I’m so done with all of this.
Enjoy the NFL, the parties, the models, the money, everything. Because
that’s what you’ll get. Enjoy it all. Don’t talk to me ever again, I don’t want
to see you anymore.” I push his rock hard chest back.
 “No, I don’t want any of that. I want you and football. But I can’t
hav—”
“Save it. You’ve made it loud and clear that you were never
supposed to have a girlfriend. I get it. You’ll move on. It’s over between us
before it even started and it’s never happening again. Is that clear? Stay
away from me.” I walk out of the store—it’s more like stomping—away
from my first boyfriend, who has effectively torn my heart to shreds all
because of the one thing that I knew would ruin it someday.
Football.
My bittersweet hobby that has ruined any relationship I’ve ever
been in but created a bond between me and my family.
“Carter!” he calls after me, and I can hear his footsteps on the
pathway from behind as I try not to let a sob leave my lips.
I love the fact that he’s coming after me but at the same time, I
hate it. His body wraps around mine as he holds onto me. I sob into his
chest and hit him with my open palm for doing this to me.
“I’m sorry. Carter, I didn’t know what to do,” he confesses, which
doesn’t make me feel any better. It actually makes me feel worse because he
still chose. Football had more pro’s than I had in his eyes.
“I want to be with you—”
“Stop saying that! Please!” I beg to him through my tears. “Please
. . . just stop saying that . . .” It hurts too much when he says that. My body
is trembling from his words.
“It’s true, Carter.” He tenderly strokes my head. I know I’m going
to miss this; I’m going to really miss him embracing me like this.
“It’s too hard, Nick. I can’t hear that anymore. Just please, no
more,” I beg him through my soft sobs. I’ve experienced this kind of
heartbreak before but damn, this is the worst, and he’s comforting me about
it; about something that he’s done. Does he realize what he’s done? How
much pain this is giving me?
This choice wasn’t fair for me. I wasn’t given a fair chance.
“Please, just listen to me,” he begs softly back to me. I can feel his
hot breath leave his lips on the crown of my head. Hiccupping into his
chest, I don’t know why but I nod and allow him to say his piece. “I know
you don’t want to hear it, but I was pushed to do this. I really don’t want
anything else but you and my career. Carter, I want you by my side. But
people have told me that I’ve been distracted lately. My recent games have
been not my strongest. It’s not down to you, it’s down to me wanting to
constantly be with you. I’ve sacrificed it. I’ve done it, not you. I let myself
do this. I let myself down. Just give me time and I will work something—”
“No.” I shake my head and back away from him. I push myself
back to get some distance, so my mind has clarity without his intoxicating
smell messing with me, distracting me. “You were given this choice and
you chose,” I state with shaky words. “You chose your path, Nick.” I nod,
still crying my broken heart out. “I just hope it’s worth it.” I nod once more,
telling him to just let it be—to let us be. My body has had enough and given
up. “I really do hope it’s worth it for you. I hope you become as big as you
want to be. You don’t have anymore distractions.” I let go of his hand that
he was desperately clasping on to, trying not to let me go, but it’s time. I
can feel my body quiver internally from this gut-wrenching conversation
we’ve just had.
One that I will never forget.
“Goodbye, Nick,” I say finally and leave him alone in the quad
where nobody resides.
“I’ll find you again. I promise.” He bites down on his lip as he
promises me that, and I watch him cry along with me. A lone tear drops
from his eye as he watches me leave.
I run, shaking my head away from him. Rapidly breathing and
feeling the air sting my lungs, I swear profusely to get to my car so I can
drive to somewhere else. Anywhere but here. I just want to take off with the
wind underneath me. I want my own space and my own time with my own
thoughts.
I don’t need people. I don’t need my family. I don’t need my
parents. And I don’t need Nick.
Today was the day I would never forget. The first time I had my
little heart shattered by the one guy I ever loved romantically. The one and
only guy who had my heart. And it kills me to think that he still has it and
he always will.
The sting from what happened isn’t the only thing that’s painful,
it’s that I know he’ll be the next big thing. He’s talented and handsome.
He’s got that appeal for the industry. His face will be everywhere, and it’ll
hurt like a bitch every time I see it.
 I meet my car and slam into the side, resting my head on the
window as I cry harder and harder at the thought that I can’t see or speak to
him ever again. I’m wailing against my car in the fresh morning. It’s going
to be too hard.
I wish I never met him and his stupid smirk in the first place. But
we can’t time these things. If I could have looked far into the future, I
would’ve seen it coming, but I don’t have that special power.
I don’t have anything.
Not even him.
I reef my door open and slam it shut behind me, quickly pushing
my keys into the ignition and starting the car. I need to leave here. I need to
get away from all of this. I need a drive.

* * *

Nick
The closer I get to home as I drive, the angrier I become. I’m
speeding, and I don’t care if I get a ticket. My rage is fuelling this car. As I
wind down the streets, getting closer and closer to the house, I can feel my
gut tighten. Finally, the last street I enter is my own, and I can see my mom
reaching for the groceries in the trunk of her car. She doesn’t notice my car
until I stop and jump out of it. I slam the door behind me as I focus on
finding my dad.
“Nick? What are you doing here, honey? I thought—NICK!” she
calls for me again, but I ignore her and make my way towards the door of
the house. I can hear her heels hit the floor as she tries to catch up with me.
She yanks my arms back, forcing me to meet her impatient stare. “I’m
speaking to you!” she admonishes me. I yank my hand out of her hold when
I hear my dad laugh with Ellie in the kitchen. I make my way towards him
and push the door open with a loud bang.
“Nick!” My sister smiles at me and my dad’s head snaps around, a
puzzled look stitched on his face.
“Don’t you have a game today?” He checks his watch. I didn’t
even realize I swung my fist at my own dad, punching him right in the jaw
and sending him back against the countertop. Everyone is in shock, but all I
could hear is my little sister’s ear-piercing scream followed by my mom’s.
“NICHOLAS!” My mom pushes past me to grab a crying Ellie
and holds her up in her arms. She bends down to my dad, who is gaping
wide eyed at me, examining to see if he’s alright. I got a clean hit of his
cheek like I wanted. I’ve never hit my father in all my years, but I needed to
get my message across.
“What the hell is going on?” my mom shouts, switching her gaze
back and forth between us.
“I was finally happy, you know that? I was finally happy to have
her in my life. And you—YOU! YOU HAD TO RUIN IT! You took that
away from me, like always! You sucked the life out of me! You son of a
bitch! You did this, you fucking did this to me!” I shout, pointing down at
my sad excuse of a dad.
“Don’t you dare use that language in my house, Nicholas! Don’t
you dare!” My mom rises back up to her full height with Ellie hiding
behind her as she puts her down on the floor. My mom always warns me
about my choice of words. “And will someone mind telling me what is
going on?” she asks again.
“It’s for the best, son. You can focus on your career now.” My dad
stands back up after falling against the counter and sliding down to the
floor. He rubs the side of his face, like that’s going to help him. He checks
for any blood that has seeped.
“For the best! FOR THE BEST! Are you listening to yourself?
My game is going to be worse because of this, you stupid fucking idiot!” I
bellow back at him, ignoring my mom’s previous warning.
“Nick, if you swear in my house once more, I will bring you
outside. You’re not too old for a smack from me! I’m warning you!” she
promises, but I’m way past caring about getting a smack from her right
now.
“I asked Carter to be my girlfriend . . .” Her eyes soften when I
finally talk to her.
“Are you serious!” She bounces up and down, clapping like a
seal. I’m about to ruin her quick change in mood, just like how my dad did
with mine yesterday. “That’s amazing, sweetheart! Oh, I’m so happy! Your
first girlfriend, and it’s someone I actually like!” Her eyes are getting wider
and wider with the realization of this, but I’m about to spoil it for her.
“Yeah . . . then dad said I needed to end it with her because I was
distracted.” I flick my eyes to him and meet his apprehensive stare. He’s
anticipating his wife’s blow up.
“Your coach agrees,” he points out.
“Coach doesn’t coach me! You don’t get it! He doesn’t know my
game. Bulldog is my coach! Did you even talk to him?” I shout back at him.
“Hold on! Hold on!” My mom waves around like a lunatic, trying
to get my attention back. “What do you mean ‘end it’?” my mom asks me.
“George, what does he mean by end it with her?” She turns around to face
my dad. Her own face matches the color of mine; red and fiery. My dad
shrugs and hesitates. “GEORGE!” she screams at him for an answer.
“I told him to cut it off with her. I need him fully focused. He was
losing his touch, Lynn. She’s deadweight, he needs to let her go. I need him
drafted by the end of this season, and she’s going to stop that for him,” my
dad explains to her, and she can’t believe that this is coming out of his
mouth. It’s almost comical.
“What gives you the right to do that to him? To her? George, I
cannot believe you did this!” My mom is appalled by what has transpired
between us, how he’s kept his little plan to himself.
“It’s for the best, honey. He’ll have his chance, just you wait,” he
promises with a wink.
“The best! Why do you keep saying that? You don’t know what’s
best for me! How do you know what’s best for me?” I spit out at him,
shaking my head. I can feel the energy rising in my stomach. I need to calm
down before I throw another punch, landing him on the floor out cold.
“Because I’m your father!” he roars at me as he points to himself.
“And I’m his mother. You had no right, George! No right!” I stand
back and let my mom stick up for me. This woman is not a woman you
want to mess with or get on the wrong side of. My dad knows this.
“He will have plenty more opportunities—”
“Opportunities? Can you even hear yourself? I don’t want anyone
else, Dad! I want her!” I yell at him as I bypass my mom. I step right into
my dad’s personal space and stand taller to hint that I’m not someone he
wants to piss off right now.
 “Why her? What makes her so special!” he questions. “Because of
her last name? Because she’s a Steel? Huh? Is that it? You can make your
own name, Nick! You can make your own path to success without her! You
can get any other girl you want once you’ve made it! I can tell you now,
you will be thanking me later!” he assures me so confidently, but I don’t
just want anyone else.
“No, I fucking won’t. I’m sorry, Mom, but I can’t not say
something. I don’t want any other girl, I don’t want any other person; all I
want is her beside me when I make it because she was there to support me
from the beginning, despite knowing who I was. But I lost her! SHE’S
GONE! And it’s all thanks to you!” I choke out. I know I’m crying because
I’m worn out. I’ve lost the one girl I love, all thanks to this bastard and his
dreams he keeps pushing onto me.
“You’ll find another one,” he reminds me for the third time. I
shake my head and step back, still looking into his eyes.
“For the hundredth time, I don’t want anyone else but her!” I
shout back, slamming my fists down on the table to emphasize my point.
This scares Ellie and my mom, who subconsciously flinches as my fists
meet the material. He’s turned me into an animal.
“Why not!” He matches my tone and I get right in his face,
gathering up all my courage to say the words that I couldn’t even say to her,
all because of him.
“BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” I shout, sobbing loudly and panting
hard as I stare at the man who betrayed me. All of these years that I’ve
looked up to him have been wiped away in a heartbeat from this incident. “I
fucking love her,” I repeat to him in case he didn’t hear me the first time,
grabbing on to his jacket and shaking him. Even though there’s a stunned
silence in the room all, I can hear is my breathing and sniffles. “And I broke
her heart, Dad. All because of your narcissistic ways. I did what you asked
of me, and do you see me happy? I did it because I know you would have
dragged her through the mud if you had your way. You would have made
her out to be the villain in all of this when she’s not. You’re a son of a bitch
for doing this to me, making me choose between the two things that I love
most. I literally can’t even look at you anymore. You make me so sick.”
I shove him back and step away from him. I don’t even look at my
mom. I know she’s quaking from my outburst, but I needed to get my point
across and off my chest. I need to remind him that it’s my life and not his.
He’s not living his dream through me. If he does want that, he
does it under my terms from now on.
“Thanks to you, I’ve lost her. She hates me. She doesn’t want
anything to do with me anymore. So, thank you. Thank you so fucking
much, Dad. You’re a real hero,” I sarcastically say through my cries.
“I can’t believe you did that . . .” my mom whispers, falling back
against the cabinets behind her. My dad tries to comfort her, but she holds
her hands up and side steps him in so much disgust. “I can’t believe you did
that to him . . .” She turns around and leans against the countertop, trying to
keep it together. Her head is bowed down in shame for the man she married.
I can see a tear dropping from her own eyes and rolling down her puffed out
cheeks, feeling my pain. She wordlessly shakes her head at my father.
She turns to meet my eyes, and I send her a tight smile but it’s a
dead one. There’s no emotion behind it, not even a little bit. I’ve gone numb
right now. All the energy has been sucked right out of me for the remainder
of the day. I don’t know how I’m going to play this game today. I haven’t
got it in me to lead my team to victory. I don’t even care anymore. I don’t
want to be on that field and play.
A single thought remains in my mind though: my dad is not
welcome anymore.
“I don’t want you at any of my games anymore. I don’t want to
see you. I’m so done with you, Dad. I’ve had enough. You thought I was
distracted before? I was never distracted. I’m going to play the best
goddamn game of my life tonight, and you won’t be there to see it. I’m
going to play this game for my girl. I’m going to play my heart out for her.”
I clench down hard on my teeth, pressing them together so that there are
effectively no gaps between them.
“When I sign my first contract with whoever I’m drafted with,
you won’t be there. When I get my first endorsement deal, you won’t be
there for that. When I score my first touchdown as a professional, you
won’t be there for that. When I run through that tunnel for the very first
time, you won’t be there for that. When I do my first commercial, you
won’t be there for that either. I want you at none of those things. You’re not
welcome! I don’t want you around me ever again, is that clear?” I ask him
while he gawps at me blankly, so taken back by my words just as much as I
was taken aback by his. They were hurtful, I know, but I wanted him to feel
the way I feel. I want him to hurt like I’m hurting.
I turn on my heel and walk out of the house with nothing left to
say. As I run my hands through my hair, messing it up, I begin to cry a little
again. Losing her is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. This beats
even my grandfather’s death. I know he would’ve loved her too, which
makes it sting that much lot more.
I stand under the doorframe of the main entrance to my house, the
door wide open because my mom hasn’t finished bringing in the groceries. I
stare out to the street littered with bicycles and toys around on the lawns.
It’s a young enough neighborhood, and I loved it growing up as a kid. There
was a ton of room for us to mess around with.
“Nick . . .” I feel a small tug on my pants. I snap my head down to
see a doe-eyed Ellie gawking back up at me. I had forgotten my own sister
had seen all of that. I crouch down to her level.
“Yes, Princess?” I clear my throat because I sound so croaky
replying to her.
“Are you okay? You’re crying,” she asks me and wipes my tears
away for me. I kiss her tiny hand as thanks.
I breathe in for a second gathering myself for her. I nod back,
smiling at her. She sends me her little, toothy smile back; the one that
makes me melt inside. But there is only one smile that I will only ever love
to see again and forever.
“I’m good. Dad and I just had a little fight,” I explain to her.
“I know, I saw it. It’s going to be okay, right?” She looks
expectantly at me as she looks over my shoulder when we both hear our
parents scream at one another. I lament at what I’ve started, and I nod back,
pretending to my youngest sister that everything will be like it used to be.
It’ll all go back to what it was like before soon.
“Everything is going to be alright, Ellie,” I say gently, making her
smile.
“Do you promise?” She wraps her little arms around my neck, and
I can’t help but smile, but it’s not like my normal smile. She picks up on it
too.
“I promise,” I reply.
 “Can I come and see Carter and Haley with you now?” Hearing
her name is painful when I know I can’t do that. I can’t even see her, let
alone Haley or Ellie. I wonder how she’s going to act around Haley from
now on.
I know she’ll be hurt, but I know she’ll stick by Haley because
they both cherish their friendship. They’ve had their ups and downs, but
they’re stronger than they were before. Now that I’ve made it a little
awkward, it probably will take some time for them to get used to.
“I’m afraid not, Princess. Not today. I’ve got to get ready for a
game right now, and I’m a little late. Give your favorite brother a big kiss
for good luck,” I ask her and she beams, puckering up for me and smacking
one on my cheek as I silently pray it’ll get me out of this horrible funk I’m
in. However, I know nothing ever will unless it’s from Carter, the one girl
I’ve fallen in love with and will ever love. Now, I can’t have her anymore. I
deserve every bit of this misery I’m feeling.
“Can I call them instead? On your phone?” she pleads, and I
shake my head again, making her pout a little. I used to always let her call
either of them on my phone when they weren’t here. She liked to talk to
Carter after she read her a story at her birthday party. Ellie was hooked on
her. “Okay,” she whispers somberly back at me, and I start to feel so bad.
She and I can’t talk to Carter. Especially me.
She’ll never look at me the same anymore, and I can’t blame her
for that. I ruined what we had. As much as I loved it, it’s all gone. All
because I was forced to make one stupid decision that will haunt me for the
rest of my life.
“I’m sorry.” I kiss her forehead, apologizing that she can’t see her
when I’m around. Maybe in the future when Haley is around? If she stays
friends with her. Maybe I can talk to her in the future, because I know I will
try and contact her as much as I can when I’ve reached my point of no
longer being able to take the silent treatment from her. Or maybe I’ll
surprise myself and let her be happy, even if it is with someone else. She
deserves to be happy.
“It’s okay.” She smiles weakly, and I kiss her head once more.
“I’ve got to go, alright? Be good for me, won’t you?” I tease her. I
watch her blonde head bob up and down. She’s always been good for my
parents. “I want you to go upstairs and play a movie until Mommy comes
up, okay?” She sends me a thumbs-up, letting me know that she’ll be
alright. “I’ll be right back, I promise.” I watch her bow her head as she
looks to the floor for some guidance. “I love you.” I squeeze her in a hug,
and she does the same back.
“I love you too,” she whispers as she lets me go.
As I make my way towards the car, I look back to see her in her
room waving out the window at me. I send her one back, and at that
moment, I never thought it would be the last time I set foot in my house for
the next few years.
Five years to be exact.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
I Can’t Set Her Free

Five Years Later

Carter
A lot has changed. A lot.
It’s strange to think that I’m not in college anymore. That I’m out
on my own, living and fending for myself in this big bad world. I’ve moved
away from home and Mississippi. LA is where I call home, and I couldn’t
be happier. I’m surrounded by palm trees, shirtless guys, and stick-thin
models looking for their big break. And don’t get me started on the aspiring
actors and actresses in this town.
There’re flocks of them.
This atmosphere is so beautiful. The humid air every morning, the
slight breeze touching your skin; skateboards, beaches, boardwalks,
carnivals, and music all decorate this place. It really is beautiful at times.
I’m trying to make it into this business on my own without my
last name as an aid. It’s something that I’ve always wanted, but I now
realize just how hard I must work to get it and maintain it.
But I’m a new person. One who has grown to be more
comfortable in my own skin. I’m still shy, but not as much as I used to be.
This growth in finding myself has helped me a lot.
My friends and family have a lot to do with that. It was a
laborious process and continues to be one, one I know I will make for a
lifetime. I still suffer horrendously from anxiety and panic attacks but that’s
something I can never get rid of. I just have to learn to control it.
As I make my way through the queues of palm trees in my car
that has broken down too many times to count. I had to get rid of my
Mercedes to pay for the rent in my small house. My dad wanted to pay for
me, but I outrightly refused but thanked him for his help. I told him that I
could do it on my own. I know I can do it. It’s hard, but not impossible.
“Do you have any idea why Haley wants us to go to dinner
tomorrow night? I will literally have to run out from my work to make it on
time. You know what she’s like when you’re late,” I ask to recipient in my
phone while I roll my eyes and prepare myself for my Monday morning
shift for work.
I live thirty minutes away from the physical therapist’s office that
I got the job from after I graduated from college. I went job hunting for
months until I came across this place, and I’ve been working here ever
since then. I’ve always wanted to work in California, so I work in
downtown LA, where it’s a nightmare to get parking in the morning. I try to
leave extra early so I can get there on time and get a free space.
“Girl, if I had any idea I would tell you.” Danielle chuckles back
to me.
“NO!” I could hear my niece shriek at her mom down the line.
“NO! Mommy, NO!” she yells again. I flinch a little at the high-pitched
scream that tailed her words. She would put the banshee to shame. I could
tell that she really isn’t up for going to school today. She’s only a four-ear-
old and she can probably get away with murder in the family. She’s the diva.
You’re probably curious how I got a niece. Well, let me backtrack
a little. Remember when I said that Danielle acted shady when it came to
her phone when she was messaging someone? Turns out, that someone was
my older brother, Chris, who got her knocked up the next year after secretly
dating her for a year and a half.
Yeah, Danielle got pregnant with Taylor in our second year of
college. When she did, she postponed her degree to have the baby and then
moved out to be with Chris. She toured with him around the country as he
continued his NFL career. He got transferred the Titans, then to the Giants
to work with my dad and my oldest brother, who is still there, but now, he’s
landed himself back in LA, playing for the team he really loves. They really
do like each other, so neither of them were too worried about moving
around or about raising a child. So, Danielle went back to college. Well,
night college. She just completed her degree recently.
She got a lot of backlash from the media about it, calling her a
gold-digger and mentioned how she had trapped my brother. All those
accusations mainly came from his ex-flings who wanted what she had with
him. Jealousy is such an ugly trait, I think to myself as I remember all this.
My parents weren’t the happiest either, but they came around as soon as she
was born. Chris also dotes over their first child a lot.
The first grandchild is spoiled rotten by my dad too. When Chris
has an away game and Danielle wants to go but doesn’t want Taylor to miss
school, I take her for the few nights and let her watch her dad on the TV
when she stays at my place. She can be the moodiest four-year-old and the
sweetest four-year-old you’ll ever meet, it depends on how she feels in the
morning or about the person she’s with.
“Taylor! You’re going and that’s it. Don’t try to get out of it
today! Taylor! Give me that, now! CHRIS!” she yells at her mini-Danielle,
threatening her to stop whining about going to school like every other kid in
the country. You make a mixture out of Chris and Danielle and you get
Taylor, a smart-mouthed four-year-old that relishes in driving her parents
demented. A perfect concoction of her two parents. “CHRIS!” she calls
again for my brother. “Here, get her to eat her breakfast, I need to talk to
Carter.” I can hear a faint “Hi” from him down the line, to which I retort
back the same way, and a yell from my niece who then decides to clap her
hands rapidly.
“Aunt Carter!! Hiii . . .” her cute voice makes me giggle. I greet
her back as I decelerate at a stop sign. She’s a very bubbly girl this morning,
but she knows how to push her mom’s buttons when she’s not getting her
own way. She’s a complete daddy’s girl and Danielle knows it.
Danielle has been working hard to retain the title of being the
central woman in Chris’ life since giving birth by trying to get a ring on her
finger, but my brother’s attention is always taken by his daughter. They
aren’t married—or even engaged—yet, and I honestly don’t understand why
it’s taking my brother so long. It’s not like he’s going to be with anyone
else; nobody other than Danielle can put up with him. They are perfect for
each other—too perfect, if you ask me.
“Are the terrible fours a thing? Or is it the fearful fours? Because
in my house, it currently is,” Danielle mumbles sarcastically to me. She is
exactly like Danielle, it’s too funny. Bold and loud, neither of them has a
filter, but that’s just how my brother likes it.
 “I’m sure you were like that at her age. Where do you think she
gets it from?” I tease her, and she orders me to shut up. I snort back as I
continue my way down to the parallel lines painted on the dark street, the
air conditioning blasting in the hot car as I travel to work so I’m cool by the
time I arrive.
“So, as I was saying . . . do you think she’s preggers? Or what?” I
blink back to myself, trying to process that information. What if she is
pregnant? I know she’s been trying for a while, but her parents want her to
get married first, so they always nag to TJ about it when they see him.
I don’t see them very often. I see Lynn sometimes when she
travels up here with a very grown-up Ellie, who, to my surprise, still
remembers who I am after all the years. Lynn treats me like she always has,
with compassion and kind-heartedness. I don’t speak much to her dad, and
she understands why. We never bring up Nick though. It’s an unspoken
topic for everyone; more out of respect for me.
It was too much for my little heart when we broke up. I sobbed for
a solid three months. I cried when I woke up, cried when I ate, cried when I
read, and cried when I slept. I skipped my classes for two weeks to mend
my broken heart and to pull myself back together. My parents had to fly
down to see that I was broken. My dad wanted to speak with him, but I
begged him not to. I had to fight him tooth and nail on it, pleading that he
should just leave it because he would just make it worse. I begged him not
to go near him, talk to him, or talk about him. I had enough. I reached my
dead end, and I wanted to forget those rough times.
Even to this day, it still hurts. Five years on, and he still creeps
into my thoughts.
He was my very first love. I can never forget him, especially
when he’s doing so well in the NFL. He’s crushing it. He’s popular on
social media too. People can’t get enough of the bad boy of the NFL. Bad
boy Jackson. I mentally cringe at what they call him. No doubt, the women
in marketing came up with that one.
TJ and Haley are still going strong. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t
jealous because I wanted what they have. Happiness. I hope to get it with
my new boyfriend. We’ve been official for just over a year now. He’s in
marketing for this big media company that works in TV, I forget the name
of it, and he is not a football player. I don’t need it to be fast paced, that’s
when things go wrong. I like the pace it’s at right now, slow and steady.
“I have no idea? Maybe it’s something to do with work or
something? I don’t know . . . I don’t think TJ is ready for a bundle of joy
just yet. He’s been threatened too many times to put a ring on her finger
first!” I joke, making us both chuckle.
As I park up at the nearest spot to work, I sit in my car and talk to
Danielle on the phone before I go in and start my schedule for the day. I
mainly work with injuries and older people who have had surgery or have
come out of the hospital after being injured in an accident. I love talking to
them, they’re the friendliest people.
They always stop and have a chat with the therapists before they
leave. Sometimes, they’d bring us cakes and food that they have made at
home. This job helped me work on my people skills, building my
confidence to talk to new people little by little. At first, I was super shy and
one hundred percent awkward, but now, I don’t think twice about talking to
people. I’m still an introvert at heart and do go through my shy spells, but
most of the time, I just get on with it and get my work done because I
wouldn’t get paid otherwise.
“Whatever it is, I’m dying to know! Is Ted coming?” Ted is my
boyfriend, who works like crazy. I barely get to see him. Danielle set us up
when we met at the grocery store. I thought he was cute. She was my
wingwoman for the entire embarrassing encounter. I had no makeup on and
was in a baggy jumper and ripped shorts that screamed hobo vibes. I still, to
this very day, don’t understand why he agreed to a date with me. He gets a
few looks from women whenever we’re out and I don’t blame them. Still,
we went out and we still are going out now. He’s handsome, with the dark
features framing his face, but most of all, he’s very generous to me, which
is what I wanted most in a guy.
“Um, no, he has to work late tonight and tomorrow. He has a big
presentation on Thursday that he needs to work on,” I explain his absence
for the dinner. He’s been working so hard lately, and I’m a little concerned
for him and his health. He’s always exhausted and he doesn’t stay over
much anymore. When he does, he snaps at me, but I know it’s because he’s
so drained from working so much. We don’t live together, but he stays over
in my house or I stay over in his. We’re gradually getting used to each
other’s space before we make the big move. If we make the big move.
“Aw, shame! I’ll drop over during the weekend to say hi to you
guys if he’s not hibernating after the meeting.” She giggles. I know that he
will lock himself away in his room and not come out until it’s Monday
morning to catch up on all the sleep he missed.
“Well, don’t be offended if he’s not awake and talking to you.” I
unclip my seat belt and grab my belongings in the back of my car so I can
start my day. My handbag and planner, I mentally list down what I need.
“When do I ever get offended by Ted?” she playfully chides me. I
smirk back to the screen perched on the loudspeaker connector.
“All the time, Danielle. Anyway, tell Taylor and Chris I love
them. I’ve arrived at work, so I’m going to head in and prepare for the day!
I’ll talk to you tomorrow before the dinner?” I ask her before I push my
door open, waiting for her response.
“Yep! I’ll call you tomorrow and talk then. Love you, Hun!” she
says before the line goes dead. I push myself out of the car as the car
bounces back into position. I place my possessions on the roof and twist the
key to lock the car. I collect my bag and planner and stroll towards where I
work. Twisting the key in the locked door to open it up, I allow myself in.
I’m the first person to arrive. No surprises there. I switch the air
conditioning on full blast to get rid of the stuffiness, switch on all the lights,
and open the windows to let some fresh air inside.
I open my office door and get my table ready for my clients,
lining it with tissue paper. I switch on my computer to see who I’m
scheduled to see today.
Mr. Allen.
Mr. Bloomfield.
Mrs. Arden.
Two hour break.
Ms. Capri.
Ms. Dansel.
Not too bad today. One more client than usual. I like having more
clients because it keeps me busy at work. I get paid more, which is what I
need. This field is a lot more competitive than I originally thought. I need
the work—I need the clients because I need the money.
 This state is expensive to live in. So is New York, but this place is
outrageous. I don’t have the jobs my brothers have, with their three-to-four-
year contracts worth millions of dollars, plus endorsement deals. I have this
nine-to-five job in a dilapidated rented space where lower- and middle-class
people come in and out of on a daily basis, if we’re lucky.
So, I’m struggling to make ends meet. I have been for the last two
years since moving out here and graduated from college. But I love working
and living here. It’s very different from what I originally thought it would
be. Some people are fake nice to you to get what they want. New Yorkers
are a little more straight up with you. I’m not saying all people from these
states are like that. The majority of them are. Nonetheless, I like them. I like
it here. It’s my new home.
I can see the appeal for people to move out here. Nothing but
beaches and sunshine all year round, only raining for like four days out of
the year. It’s always busy. Cars are everywhere, and you can tell if people
are rich; they’re not shy about it. Including my brother Chris who spoils his
family rotten; myself included. I have caught him far too many times
paying for my rent, and he’s bought me a few cars that I requested for him
to return on account that I can pay for my own.
On my birthday, he took us all out to an exclusive restaurant and
paid for everything. My parents even flew in to see me. So did Austin, who
is still single and living in every bit of the moment. He finds it difficult to
settle on one girl. Usually, it’s because he picks the wrong ones. He has
never introduced us to one of them, so that’s how we know he’s not serious
with them.
When I hear another person push through the main entrance, I
know it’s Candice. She’s a wonderful mother of two gorgeous kids who
come to our work every so often when they don’t have school. I’m usually
the first to get in, then her, so we usually have breakfast together because
she buys it on the way over here.
“Good morning!” She pokes her head in the door with a beaming
smile. Her ebony skin is always smooth and shining, it always makes me
jealous. And don’t get me started on her hair and makeup, it’s always fresh
and pristine when she arrives. She’s the bubbly woman who all the clients
adore thanks to her quick sense of humor and wittiness.
 “Good morning! You’re in a little early?” I check the clock on my
desktop, seeing it’s not even eight yet. We all start at eight-thirty, and she
typically arrives about ten minutes after.
“I know, Marcus said he’d drop the kids to school, so I came in
early for a little alone time with my girl!” She winks and I push myself up
to join her as we walk side by side to the canteen.
“That’s nice of him.” I smile at her, nudging my shoulder into her
slim build. You wouldn’t think she had two kids with that figure.
“It’s only because I gave him some last night.” She rolls her eyes,
joking with me as she pushes through the door.
“Well, it’s all about compromise, right?” I tease her, making her
laugh raucously. Not that I would know about relationships. This is only my
second one.
Putting the coffee pot in for her, she sets the bag of food on the
table and picks them out one by one. A fruit platter with some yogurt and
nuts. We treat ourselves with greasy food on Fridays but try to be good
every other day of the week.
The temptation is everywhere in this place. We have fast-food
joints surrounding us and are open twenty-four-seven, so we always try to
avoid leaving for lunch unless it’s absolutely necessary.
As we start to eat our breakfast, my mind drifts back to the text
Haley had sent us yesterday about dinner tomorrow. No details were given,
just where, when, and “Don’t be late.” I can’t help but think about what
she’s up to? Why the urgency?
What are you up to Miss Jackson?

* * *

Nick
I swear if, that baby doesn’t shut the fuck up, I’m going to throw
it out the window of the plane that’s travelling twenty thousand feet in the
air. I won’t hesitate, I really won’t. I can’t sleep and I’m fucking exhausted.
I stayed up late last night so I could get a sleep on the flight, but thanks to
this squealer three rows down, I can’t have any of that.
 I sigh to myself and pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration.
Just a few more hours, Nick.
Give it a sleeping pill or something. Knock it out cold. I don’t
care, I’ll do the honors if that kid’s parents can’t. It’s annoying, and I’m
cranky right now. I have it in my mind to say something to the parents but I
can’t find the energy to actually get up from my seat. That, and the fact that
the woman beside me has been flirting with me since ever I’ve stepped into
the flight. I don’t want another reason for her to start conversing with me
again.
She’s so not my type too.
“Excuse me!” I signal the stewardess who is walking down the
aisle far too many times to count. Her eyes light up when I talk to her, like
she needed something to do to pass the time.
“Yes, Mr. Jackson?” she asks me.
“Can I get a triple scotch on the rocks with lime?” I request.
“Make it two actually,” I order from her and she nods quickly, scurrying off
to make order as I rest my head back to get comfy again.
I thought first class was supposed to be quiet? I think to myself as
I gaze out of the window, looking at the passing clouds on the blue skies.
The sun has come up fully. I watched the sunrise only moments ago as it
fills the space with orange, pink, and yellow saturates. It was a beautiful
sight.
“Nervous flyer?” the voice beside me asks, taking me out of my
thoughts.
“No, I just need to sleep but it’s too loud up here.” I stare at her
almond-shaped eyes. They’re dark brown and flirty.
“I have sleeping pills if you want one? They’re legit, I sometimes
have trouble sleeping on flights too.” I shake my head, denying her request.
That shit shouldn’t be in my system unless I’ve been instructed to take one
by a medical professional. She’s not, so I can’t get pulled up on that or I’ll
be banned from future games.
“No thank you, I’m fine. But if you don’t mind giving it to the
baby down there, that would be great,” I joke dryly, pointing my head to the
frequent screams coming from the child not too far away from us. I’m still
serious when I say it though. She laughs loudly, placing her manicured hand
in her chest to stop herself. I arch my eyebrow as I watch this play out. It
wasn’t that funny.
“Oh, you’re too funny!” She slaps my arm. “Wow, and strong too.
Do you work out?” she asks in awe, and I know she’s trying to strike up a
conversation with me. I’m so not interested.
“Here you are, Mr. Jackson.” The stewardess saves me from
answering that question I usually get from women. Yes, I do in fact work
out, hence my build and profession. Now, the stewardess, I would fuck right
here, right now. She’s more of my type. A little petite body with brown hair
tied tightly into her bun.
“Thank you.” I smile at her and watch her turn red. She
straightens herself up and fixes her uniform, continuing to walk down the
aisle.
“So, I’m Jody.” The woman beside me holds out her hand trying
to secure my attention once more. I’ve been raised to be polite to everyone I
meet; today will be no exception.
“Nick,” I mumble back, taking the first glass of scotch and
chugging it back. She watches me, wide eyes, as I drink from the plastic
cup holding the amber liquid. I know I shouldn’t be drinking so much
because I’m under contract with the Chargers now and they check each
player nearly every day. Or so I’m told. That’s where I’m flying to now.
I graduated college with a first and got drafted with the Cowboys
for two years before I got traded to the Seahawks. Now, I’m playing for the
Chargers for a four-year contract. It’s just what I wanted. I’ve always
wanted to play for them, but I needed Austin Steel to move first. The team
wasn’t going to let him go without a fight, but he got a much better offer.
Now he’s the highest paid quarterback in the NFL, with Jason Sterling as
second, followed by me.
I got branded as the mysterious bad boy player in the NFL
because of my attitude. A title that I ignore. After I had my heart broken, I
didn’t know what to do with myself. I fell into a dark and lonely place,
avoiding my friends and family for a solid year. I hated myself and what I
did. I never wanted to hurt her or make that decision, but I had to because
even though I didn’t want to break up, I knew in my mind that they were
right.
 I was distracted, and I focused on her instead of my career. It was
my own fault. I should have balanced both, but I’ve never had a girlfriend
before so I didn’t know how to do it. I can’t even say her name anymore.
She haunts me so much that I can’t bring myself to say it. It’s too sweet.
The little things always remind me of her. Usually, a smell that I remember
when I was with her or the shampoo she used to use.
I always think of her.
I even stalk her on social media.
After college, I used to do it often, then it died down after a while,
but when TJ told me she got a boyfriend it picked back up. I stalked him
too. Pretty boy Ted Craddock, who is a marketing director at an LA TV
agency. He looks like a fucking idiot if you ask me. He dresses like his
mom picked his clothes out for him too.
Fucknut.
When I chug back the first drink, I hiss at the burn trickling down
my throat. I needed that, especially with the baby crying and the thoughts of
her occupying my mind.
I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn’t. It made me miserable
seeing her happy with him. I knew I lost her. I knew I couldn’t have her
anymore. I knew he was probably a better choice for her. I knew he didn’t
know who she was and that’s what she wanted, but I can’t let her go. I can’t
set her free.
I just don’t have it in me.
I raise my hand to order another two from the same woman, who
smiles as she makes her way back to the cabin where she stores the drinks.
“Rough morning?” The woman beside me strikes up another
conversation again.
“You could say that,” I say as I sip on the next drink I was handed
while waiting for my other two. She giggles like I said something hilarious.
I didn’t—again.
She leans over my armrest and whispers in my ear seductively,
“Why don’t you tell me about it?” I almost choke on my drink. She’s
offering to listen to me complain about something she already knows about.
When she unbuckles her seatbelt and keeps her lips pressed against my ear,
I literally don’t know what to do. “Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes.
Knock three times and bring protection, handsome,” she says seductively.
 I chug back the rest of the contents, letting it slowly affect me.
Maybe this little rendezvous will help me sleep?
I watch her sway her curvy hips down to the restroom as I see the
stewardess struts back with my drinks in both hands. I gladly take them
from her and chug them back down my throat, needing it so I can do what
I’m about to do with her. After two minutes, I walk down the narrow aisle
and make sure nobody is around. I knock three times and get pulled in by
my shirt. Immediately shutting the door behind me, her lips latch onto mine.
Her lips taste strange, but I push it aside and deal with it. “I didn’t
think you were going to come,” she says as she strips my belt away from
my pants and lets it drop to the floor. The mile-high club isn’t as glamorous
as I thought it would be. There’s no fucking room in here at all.
I sway a little when I feel the alcohol strike me hard. “Neither did
I,” I tell her, continuing to kiss her. She unbuttons my pants and unzips me
so my jeans are free. Pushing the material down my thick legs, she pushes
up my shirt resting just under my ribcage to see my well-earned six-pack
that’s defined beyond belief.
“Damn, those are some good abs.” She bends down to lick and
kiss them as I grip her hair hard in my hands.
“Go lower,” I command her, and she follows. I grunt when she
takes my whole shaft into that hot, wet mouth of hers. After a few minutes
of nearly making me cum, I yank her back up to me roughly. I lift her up
onto the sink area where she can rest her ass on as I spread her legs, but she
does that for me anyway.
So, she’s that kind of girl?
“Do you squirt?” I ask her. She smiles on my lips and kisses me
feverishly. This woman isn’t holding back one bit.
“Are you requesting?” She smirks and trails her hands up my tight
abs. She’s feeling every inch of my skin, but I feel nothing. Not a burn. Not
even a spark. I feel absolutely nothing; as always.
“Not particularly,” I say nonchalantly as she’s sucking on my
throat as she toys with me in her hand, pulling and pushing to get a rhythm.
“Then no. I don’t squirt.” She pulls back and stares at me like she
can do it on command. I have never met a girl who can squirt on command.
She asks, “You got a condom or are we pulling out today?” She smiles, still
pumping me.
 I grip her hand and bend down to get my wallet to retrieve my “in
case of emergency” condom in the hidden pocket and show it to her. Her
eyes say one thing while her face says another. I know that look, she wanted
me to pull out but is hiding her disappointment.
“I don’t do the pull-out method,” I admit to her as I rip the foil
open and extract the condom into my hand. Rolling it up my stiff length to
get myself ready, I double check to see if there are no holes in it, just in
case.
“Pity.” She chuckles as she wraps her legs around my waist and
slams me into her. Her panties are already off. Or was she even wearing
any? I think to myself.
“I don’t do that shit. This will be a quick fuck, nothing more. Are
you sure you’re okay with that?” I ask her and watch her nod as she licks
her stained lips that I know is all over my lips. As soon as she gives me the
go-ahead, I position myself at her entrance and slam into her, beating that
dripping wet pussy of hers.
“Oh fuck!” she whispers into my ear as I speed up my harsh
thrusts. I have no mercy with her or her body. I don’t see this as anything
more than sex. I don’t ever want to see it as anything more. I know I won’t
see her ever again too. I hope I won’t, anyway.
I place my hand against the mirror behind her as I beat into her. I
steady myself as I grunt, feeling the bliss building and my balls tightening.
“Oh shit, yes!” she moans again, and I lift my face away from her.
I don’t want to hear her. “Right there! Oh God, yes! I’m cumming. I’m
cumming!” She pants just as I can feel her walls convulse around me but
I’m the one who cums first. I put my own needs before her as I come into
the rubber wrapped tightly around me, not giving two shits if she comes.
“Oh, don’t stop!” She gasps but her hand goes down to touch herself. She
moves it in circles as she strokes her clit while I still pump into her, feeling
the stretch of my orgasm.
Just a little more.
“Oh, fuck yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” She leans back against the mirror
as she comes down off her high with my hand over her mouth to muffle her
cries of bliss. I’m still cumming inside the condom, pulse after pulse. Her
walls have me trapped while she comes back to reality.
 When I decide to pull myself together, I know I’ve done my deed.
I’ve officially joined the mile-high club.
I slide out of her and check the condom again. Nothing has burst,
so we’re all good. I pull up my boxers and pants, retrieve my belt that fell
on the floor, retie it around my narrow waist, and discard the condom
wrapped in tissue paper in the nearby trash. Once she restores herself, I
stumble out of the bathroom quickly and try not to draw attention to myself,
wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I return to my seat without any
stares. Nobody notices me because they’re either asleep or listening to
something.
At least some people can sleep to the sound of that godforsaken
devil squeals.
I sigh in gratification that I got today’s fix. Resting back into a
comfortable position, I recline my seat as I see her stomping down from the
doors that she pushed open with aggression.
She drops herself down on the seat next to me. I wonder what the
hell just happened since I left? I let her know that it was a quick fuck
beforehand, right? She agreed to it, so why is she so pissed at me?
We both stay silent for the next few minutes. I slowly stop caring
as to why she’s so annoyed right now. Instead, I return to stare back out the
window like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. Until she finally
decides to speak up.
“It’s Jody, asshole,” she mutters, making me whip my head back
around to her.
“I’m sorry?” I inquire.
“You should be!” she hisses at me and I arch my eyebrow with the
tone she’s now giving me.
“Look, I told you it was just sex—”
“I know it was, but it would have been nice if you got my name
correct.” Biting my cheek, I retrieve my body away from her as she leans
closer to me.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about?” I’m dumbfounded by
what she’s telling me. What is she talking about?
“What I’m talking about is that you called me ‘Carter.’ ” I freeze,
and I can feel my entire body drain my blood, ice shattering my heated bliss
with her only moments ago. I called her . . . her.
 Fuck, I did it again.
“It’s Jody, not Carter,” she chastises once more and twists her
body away from me in a huff.
Even after all these years, she still has an effect on me. Even when
I’m with another woman, my mind and body still wants her. It longs for the
one and only woman that I ever fell for.
I don’t even apologise to . . . Jody for being an ass. That was an
ass move on my part. I’m just so staggered that it keeps happening to me. It
only happens when I’ve drank more than I should because it just floods out
of me. It’s the like gates have opened and I want her, and I let myself know
that. I miss her. I really do. I’ve stayed single all of these years because I
haven’t met someone that’s on par with her.
The truth is I want her back in my life. I’ve compared every girl
I’ve ever been with to her, and none of them come close. I don’t think
anyone ever will either.
I don’t think I’d ever feel the same way I felt when I was with her.
I know I won’t. Nothing will compare to her.
As we finally descend to ground level after a tiring flight of
screaming, alcohol, and awkwardness, I’m finally ready to leave this flight.
However, the stewardess has other plans for me.
With nobody on the flight, not even the pilot, it’s just us alone. At
first, it was just casual flirting, to which I got a glare from Jody as she left.
Now, I’ve got another mouth wrapped around my dick while my pants are
currently around my ankles. Sitting in the first row of first class on an
empty plane means I can moan as loud as I want.
What is with these LA chicks? They’re hornier than I am, and that
says a lot.
She’s sucking me off with her breasts spilling out of her top as she
plays with herself, but I’m too caught up in the feeling to even care about
her. I had to bite back my moans just in case I let her name slip again.
With a fist full of her hair, I push her head down further to make
her take all of me.
“Take it all,” I whisper as she grunts on my dick, taking me deep
in the back of her throat and clamping down on me. I can feel myself losing
control because she’s not letting up. It’s tight and steady; just how I like it,
but there’s no feeling, like what happened earlier.
 Fuck.
As I fill her mouth up with myself, she surprises me by
swallowing me. Panting harsh breaths, I lose restraint once again.
Block her out. Don’t say her name again. Don’t do it.
When I open my eyes, I see her smiling up at me. She wipes her
hand across her lips and sits back, biting on her lower lip.
“Thanks,” I say and fix myself again. I need to leave and grab my
bags. I need to catch my ride to my sister’s house that’s she’s sharing with
my best friend. They’ll kill me if I’m late; Haley in particular.
“Um, no problem?” She giggles as she adjusts her uniform again.
As I reach up in the overhead locker to pull down the bags, she hovers
beside me. This is the worst part when you hook up with someone. The
escape. The awkwardness of leaving. I turn to face her to give her my usual
speech but she cuts me off. “Here’s my number, if you want another
round?” She smiles and leaves me to it.
That was easy.
That’s was very easy.
Maybe too easy.
I snap myself out of it and gather my things, racing off the plane
with another quick goodbye from her. I run through baggage claim,
collecting five of my bags from the flight. I throw them onto a trolley and
race through arrivals, hoping to see someone with my name. Instead, I’m
greeted with a ton of flashes in my face as I turn the corner, making it
harder to see.
“Shit,” I curse and shield my eyes from the prying paparazzi. I
blink so I can adjust to the unexpected brightness. I can hear nothing but my
name and strangers bombarding me with questions. I swiftly look around to
see if I can find the guy I hired to collect me from the airport. When I see
someone waving with a sign that has my name on cardboard, I make my
way over to him.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Jackson,” he greets me and places the sign
under his arm, grabbing my trolley from my hold and pushing it out the
sliding doors. Security has to help us maneuver out of the airport. This is
what it’s always like for me. Chaos, and lots of it.
“Afternoon,” I mumble back and keep my head down and away
from the cameras and people screaming at me. Girls usually scream to me
and beg me for autographs and pictures.
“The car is this way. Follow me, sir.” He directs me with the help
of the four airport security guards encircling us as we walk out and get
greeted by the hot air outside of LAX airport. More people try to claw
through the crowd to get to me as I ignore them and push my way towards
the large Escalade. I slide into the chilled seats after helping with the bags
and thank the four men for their services. I took some photos with them
hanging out the car doorway. I shut myself off to the world when I gladly
close the door.
As we make our way towards Brentwood, I bathe in the silence
surrounding me, appreciating that the driver doesn’t want to talk to me. I
could use the deafening silence. The noiseless journey sends me to sleep
because I didn’t get much on the plane. Gee, I wonder why?
As I drifted off into a small nap, I feel a hand greet my cheek too
many times to count. A palm slaps my face over and over again.
I wake up to my best friend smirking down at me as he peers
through the open door beside me.
“Morning, pumpkin,” he teases me while pinching my cheek.
Even though he called me pumpkin, I still miss his idiotic ways. I swat his
hand away and smile at him. I finally get to see my best friend after a few
months along with my sister. I have this feeling in my stomach that I
suddenly feel like I’m home again.
My new home.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Milestone

Carter
“I know, I know. I know I’m late, I’m sorry. Can you guys just
distract her until I get there. We can pretend I was in the bathroom or
something?” I beg my brother and Danielle to keep it tight-lipped that I’m
so late.
I knew I would be too. Mr. Harold wouldn’t leave. He kept talking
when I was trying to get out of the office on time. As much as I adore the
man when he comes in, I hate it when books his appointments far too late in
the day. It’s exhausting to try and get him to leave. I can chat to him when
he’s got an early morning appointment, but when it’s late, it’s a struggle.
“Well, that’s going to be hard because she’s just gone to the
bathroom. TJ hasn’t even arrived yet, though, so you’re good. Plus, she’s in
a good mood today, so I think you’re safe,” Danielle says to me down the
line as I speed up to get to the restaurant. I hear the grumble of my engine
as I roll down the street. As long as I get the next few green lights and
manage to avoid knocking someone down, I should make it in the next few
minutes.
“Alright, I should be there in . . . ten minutes?” I swiftly calculate,
wondering to myself more than anyone.
“Okay, cool, text me when you’ve arrived,” she sings down the
line. I end the call to focus on not dying tonight in this crusty old car I’m
driving. Sometimes, it’s easy to give in to my dad and brothers generosity,
but then my determination squashes that thought as quickly as it comes. I
can do all of this on my own. I may not be rich, but at least I have shelter,
food, and water.
Swerving briskly into the car park I almost drove past, I hit a few
bumps and pot holes in the road, making the car bounce. I almost run into a
man jogging too. I send him a sheepish smile and wave as an apology. I find
the nearest space to the doors of the restaurant. Luckily, I already changed
into a nice lemon dress that stops mid-thigh and doesn’t reveal much,
covering me up quite nicely. Haley asked us to dress up and look formal, so
I obliged.
I rush through the main doors, fixing myself as I greet the hostess.
“Good evening, do you have a reservation?” she asks me at entrance.
“Um, it’s either Haley Jackson or TJ Anderson? I’m not sure.” I
smile at her, a little embarrassed about not knowing who reserved the table
for the party tonight.
“I know who you’re looking for. Follow me.” She grins a little too
harshly at me and nods into the restaurant. That’s a fake smile. I’ve noticed
that a lot of people have become very good at that as they get older. I
thought it was genuine when I was younger, turns out I was more naïve than
I believed.
As I rush to keep up with her in my heels, I finally see Haley,
Danielle, and my brother sitting at the table they booked for the night. I can
see two seats are free but get completely sidetracked when Haley cloaks her
arms around me to greet me. I hug her back. It’s been a couple of weeks
since I last saw her. She and TJ went on a vacation and arrived back only
three days ago. They traveled to the Bahamas for ten days and flew back
because training camp is about to kick off.
“You look stunning!” she compliments me on my outfit. She’s
sporting a purple skirt and an orange spaghetti-strap top with orange heels
to match her outfit. She looks like a million dollars right now with her
beautifully tanned legs.
“So do you! Oh my God, you look so tanned. You have to tell us
all about your vacation!” I gush, letting her sit down and hug both my
brother and Danielle hello as well.
As I sit in my seat, she responds, “I have to wait for TJ to get here
first, then we’ll tell you guys all about it.” She winks at me. I’m dying to
know what the Bahamas are like because I’ve never been before. I’ve
always dreamed to see the crystal clear blue waters and the white sand on
the beaches. It looks beautiful but a girl can only dream. “He should be here
soon. He texted me that was two minutes away when you arrived at the
door.” She scans her phone once more to check if there are any more
messages from him. “He’s been training all afternoon, so he’s a little late,”
she tells us.
“Getting a head start?” Chris teases her as he sips on his water.
“Yeah.” She giggles at him. I haven’t seen or heard of the new
players. I’ve been so busy these days. I’m swamped with work and Ted. I
haven’t had much time to follow ESPN. Ted hates any kind of sport, but he
hates football the most because he was that kid that got picked on in high
school by the football team. He was the creative kid, that’s why he did
marketing. He has an eye for the business. Now he has a great job. He could
definitely pass as a football player with his physique though. He hits the
gym early in the morning every other day to maintain his health. If he
doesn’t go to the gym, he runs along the beach.
“Is Ted coming?” Chris asks me, and I shake my head. He
furrows his brows as a response. “Then who’s the seat for? You have a side
piece we don’t know about, Cooks?” he jokes but covertly wonders who the
spare seat is for, as do I. We both look at Haley for an explanation, but her
eyes are looking behind us.
She’s waving to somebody moving towards her with a beaming
smile taking over her face. I know TJ has arrived. I hear a gasp from
Danielle as her eyes widen in shock.
I snap my head around to see the one guy who broke my heart in
half five years ago. My body seizes, and all the fluid has effectively drained
from me. I’m completely numb and cold at the sight of him, leaving nothing
in its wake for me to lean on.
He’s walking behind TJ and talking to the hostess as she directs
them to our table. When he laughs with TJ, I nearly shiver. His eyes are
directed towards the floor until he flicks them up. He quickly halts his steps,
and my breathing ceases completely. My mouth runs dry because it’s wide
open in shock. His lips part and he takes a sharp breath. TJ continues to
walk but eventually stops when he notices Nick has stopped following
behind him.
Nick Jackson?
He flicks his head to the table, spotting me as he smiles, and I
mentally curse at the spare seat that’s situated next to me.
I can’t take my eyes off him. He slowly, coolly saunters towards
the table again. He doesn’t break eye contact with me until he reaches the
empty seat next to mine. He pulls it out for himself. I swivel my stare away
from him and face Haley once again, but my eyes are on the table itself,
afraid to look at anyone.
He still smells the same and he still looks the same, just older and
more gorgeous than ever. The pictures in the magazines don’t do him any
justice. He’s still blonde, and he still manages to take my breath away.
He sits down in silence and says hi to my brother and Danielle.
I always knew that we’d see each other again one day, I’m still
best friends with his sister after all, but I wasn’t l prepared for it to be this
early. I don’t think I could ever be prepared, if I’m honest.
“Hi,” he whispers in a delicate voice. I know he’s talking to me.
So, I bravely lift my head to meet his eyes. They’re searching in mine as we
stare at one another in total disbelief.
Five years later and he still makes me weak.
This cannot be happening right now. I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m
at a loss for words, so I revert to smiling feebly at him. It’s taking
everything in me to not walk away from the table, to not jump on him and
ask those questions I so badly wanted answers to, and to not kiss the living
crap out of him. My emotions are so conflicted right now. I stop and
reprimand myself, I’m with someone else. I shouldn’t be having those
thoughts. I can’t be having those thoughts.
“When did you come into town?” Chris asks with a sour tone
laced on his tongue. Danielle obviously said something to him to not cause
a scene, the elbow to the ribs was a dead giveaway. My brothers will stick
by me until the day I die. I know he’s on my side, and he knows how much
Nick hurt me; hence the tone.
“Uh, yesterday morning. I’m staying with them for a while until I
find my own home out here.” Just hearing his voice makes me gasp for air. I
missed his voice so much and I didn’t even realize by how much. The soft,
deep gruff of his sexy voice has me panting.
“Four year contract?” Chris tries to converse with him, trying to
kill the awkwardness at the table, but I can feel the mood become shoddier
and shoddier.
“Yeah, so happy. I wasn’t expecting that offer but I’m happy.” I
can hear the exhilaration in his voice. I know he’s wanted to play for the
Chargers since college, and I know he has worked hard for it . . . even with
a few sacrifices.
“It’s a sick contract, you worked hard, man. You deserve it. I
finally get to play with you again!” TJ interjects, matching Nick’s tone. Just
from thinking of his name once more, I could feel my heart start to break
inside my chest all over again. Everything is reminding me of the day he
ended it with me. I was so embarrassed and wouldn’t leave my room for
days and weeks at a time.
“Okay, enough about football!” Haley waves off the boys and
their nonsense. She begins to babble on about her vacation, about the
typical picturesque beaches, the Atlantis hotel that they stayed at on
Paradise Island, the water park inside, the aquarium they walked through,
and the excursions to the other island where they fed the pigs and iguanas.
All the while, I’m trying to calm my beating heart down. I can
hear it beating in my ears and I can feel my veins pulsate in my wrists. The
fractured heart that it once was still has its wound, but now it’s breaking all
over again.
I’m finding it hard to focus on what Haley is saying and
describing with her brother and my ex-boyfriend for a whole two minutes,
who is sitting right next to me. Her very brother that crushed my heart in
the palm of his hand by breaking up with me to make his career happen,
disappointing me.
I suppose it was the right choice. He’s now the most talked about
player right now; he’s trending on all the social medias. He’s got what he
wanted. He has a mountain of endorsement deals at his beck and call. It’s
hard to escape him when his face is painted everywhere in this city and
beyond. But I didn’t know he was the new quarterback for the Chargers.
There was a lot of talk about Jason Sterling for the past few months but
work has clouded me, so I haven’t been watching much this week and
missed all the trades.
“You look beautiful,” Nick whispers, and I can feel my legs
quiver. My hand’s fist up, I can sense the sting of my nails digging into the
skin on my palms, almost bleeding and telling my body to react against
him, but it has a mind of its own. I’m thankful I’m sitting down because if I
was standing, I would be on the floor. Due to the unexpected compliment, I
flick my eyes back to meet his and send him a shaky smile in return. This is
harder than I thought it would be.
“Thanks,” I reply finally. I watched him gulp down before we
both turn back to the couple telling us why we’re all here today.
As much as I would like to deny that the connection isn’t there
anymore—that the spark is no longer there, that the flame has been blown
out—it hasn’t. None of that is the truth. I’d be lying if I told you and myself
otherwise.
And that what makes this situation hard.
“So, TJ and I went to the Bahamas, as you all know, and we went
swimming with the sharks, pigs, stingrays, did the tours of the Cays around
the main island and went scuba diving. But . . .” She looks at him beaming
at her. She shuffles closer to his seat as we wait for her to finish the
sentence. He reaches around her, smiling down at his partner in crime who
is under his wing. They have been inseparable since the first started dating.
“But the best part of the whole trip, I went as Haley Jackson.” She grins at
us as we stare at her, confused by her cryptic words. “But came home as the
future Mrs. Haley Anderson!” She lifts her left hand to see a huge, and I
mean huge, rock on her ring finger glistening back at us.
Danielle screams in excitement while I shriek with happiness as
my eyes widened to a comical size. We both jump out of our seats while the
guys laugh at us. This is such a special moment for them and I’m so happy
they get to share this with us.
I grip her shoulder, and Danielle gives a three-way hug as we
jump up and down together, laughing and giggling like college girls again.
It really has been so long.
“Let me see that fucking rock right now!” Danielle pulls back to
admire the ring that TJ had bought for her in secret. I’m in such shock, both
of my hands on my cheeks, as I watch it glisten in the light shining above
us.
“Oh my God, it’s so beautiful Haley!” I let out a cry in admiration
as I watch her hand move from side to side, letting the light fall on the
beautifully cut diamond in different angles. It suits her to a tee. “I’m so
happy for you! For you both! My God, I can’t believe he asked you to
marry him!” I gush as I hold her in my arms once again, congratulating her
once more. I realize that I haven’t said anything to TJ, so I pull away from
her in a rush and race over to the man who had the courage to ask my best
friend to be his wife.
I squeeze in between my brother and Nick to get to him, opening
my arms and hunching over a little as I step into their little group and
invade their guy time.
“Hi! Congratulations!” I envelop my arms around his large frame.
“I’m so happy for you both, this is so wonderful!” I squeeze him before I
pull myself back to let Danielle in.
“Thanks, guys. I’m so excited, like, I kind of want to just book a
church tomorrow and marry her then. I don’t want to wait, but I know she
already has started the planning.” He rolls his eyes as he looks over at
Haley and her brother hugging it out. I watch Nick embrace her and touch
his lips in her hair, remembering a time when he did the same thing to me.
Stop. Just stop right there, Carter.
“She probably has the vision for it alright.” Danielle giggles over
TJ’s shoulder as she holds him and tells him how proud of him she is for
having the courage to get down on one knee, taking a jab at my brother and
his lack of initiative.
I have no doubt in my mind that Haley has everything planned out
ever since he got down on that knee and popped the question.
“Have you got pictures?” Danielle begs him and he nods. Taking
my eyes back away from the siblings, I see TJ fishing out his phone. My
own brother wraps his arm around me and pulls me to his chest.
“You okay?” he whispers to me and I nod back. I just need to get
over the initial shock of seeing him again. It still hasn’t hit me that he’s here
right now.
Five years. He appears after five years. I know he has a contract
with the Chargers for four years. So, I have to endure him for four years.
Four years of seeing him nonstop and seeing him go back to his old ways. I
know he hasn’t stopped sleeping with people for the past few years. I’m not
stupid. Hell, I’ve slept with my own boyfriend, and that’s it. I can’t flirt to
save my life, I’m awkward as hell around guys, and I look like a toad half
of the time. I’m surprised I even have Ted.
I need a drink. A strong drink.
I signal the waiter and order a double vodka and cranberry, the
most basic of all basic bitch’s drinks; the absolute white girl, basic bitch. I
don’t care, I need it right now. I need it to calm my nerves down, my body
down, my mind down, and my soul down.
As we all revisit our seats, I pull out my seat to sit back down on
the cushioned chair. I place my two hands on my lap and fix the end of my
dress, smoothing it so it looks perfect. I hate that I still want to look good. I
feel good in this dress and I want people to know that. However, I can’t
help but feel I don’t look good enough, and that’s what bothers me the most.
My insecurities creep back in every so often when I remember our time
together. It’s hard to push out those thoughts when I’m having flashback to
my very first kiss with him.
I was wearing yellow that time too.
It pains me to think of those times where they were harbored for
years. I just want this ship to sail again, to try to get away from him, but his
is catching up and I can’t escape him. He’s closing in on me.
I always knew that I couldn’t get away. He has a place in my
heart, even if I don’t want him to. He is always a part of me and my life,
and I know that he always will be because of Haley and our past. I just love
her like a sister, the same with Danielle. I knew my friendships with them
would be tougher than anything.
But right now, my old memories are testing that. The smell of his
cologne has me inhaling silently to keep it in my mind, but I’m too ashamed
to admit that.
My drink comes along, and everyone observes me like I have five
heads. I ignore their stares and take a long gulp of it, hissing at the burn
trickling down my throat.
My brother taps my leg and mouths “Ease up” to me. He knows
why I’m drinking right now. He understands it. So, I place the glass back
down, scrunching my face when the waiter comes around to take our
orders. As he comes around one by one, I sit in silence and listen to
everyone trying to keep the awkwardness at bay.
Maybe I’m the only one who thinks it’s awkward? Maybe it’s all in
my head?
Even then, I sit and listen to the story of how TJ proposed in his
words; half listen, actually. It’s hard to focus on anything right now with my
ex-boyfriend sitting next to me. The first and only guy I ever fell for. It’s
hitting me hard due to the surprise of seeing him once again.
 He looks the same, except he looks more rugged. He has a light
stubble dotted across his jawline—a sharp one at that. His muscles are a lot
bigger and his shoulders are a lot broader. His tan is darker, but his facial
features are exactly the same as before. He still looks like he was carved
from marble by Michelangelo himself. His eyes are still that hunter-green
hue. Those perfect pools that I was lost in for a moment had me thinking
about us when we dated.
Listening to TJ jabber on about the proposal and looking back at
Haley every now and then, I can see that they both love one another. It’s
evident in their eyes. It has me a little jealous. It always has for a while
now. Just the way he looks at her, the way he cares for her, I can feel the
green-eyed monster pinch inside my chest. Nothing has changed between
them and it won’t. They’re together forever
Even with my brother and Danielle, Chris has never cared for any
girl the way he’s cared for Danielle. As soon as he found out she was
pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, he was in dad-mode. There was no
changing his mind, he just had to get Danielle on board. It suits him, and he
couldn’t be happier to have a toddler calling him dad daily. He enjoys it.
I know that TJ will be the exact same.
I just need someone to want that with me.

* * *

Nick
“You definitely didn’t hit eighty squats with it, TJ. You’re talking
so much game right now. You’re forgetting that I know you and grew up
with you, idiot. You’re all talk and zero action,” I tease him as we drive to
the restaurant my sister had booked for tonight. I have no idea what is going
on, they’ve been so secretive since I arrived, hiding things and speaking in
hushed tones.
I’ve caught them whispering to one another a few times, as if I’m
not in the house. I have been scolded many times by Haley for
eavesdropping though.
Do you think that scares me?
Not a single bit.
 There’re only a handful of women in my life that scare the crap
out of me, my mom being one.
“I’m telling you! I swear I did it at that weight. Eighty squats in
full,” he swears but I know he’s bullshitting. I grew up with this guy. I
know him like the back of my hand.
“Tsk. Whatever. I don’t believe you anyway. Now, can you tell me
where the hell we’re going and why the hell we’re going? What’s the big
deal? You didn’t get my sister knocked up, did you?” I joke with him. I
know my parents would prefer if they got married first, but they’d be happy
nonetheless about a new addition to the family. They’re old school and
would like a traditional wedding first.
“Nahh.” He shakes his head from side to side, assuring me I won’t
be an uncle anytime soon. “Not yet.” He chuckles, and I punch his chest,
telling him to shut it. “Ow, man! I’m driving!” He points out the front
window of the car, indicating that the car is moving. He has always been an
awful driver, so that tiny tap that he squealed at definitely affected him. It’s
like driving with a monkey blindfolded.
“Yeah, well, you need to pop the question first. You know what
my mom is like.” I turn my eyes heavenward. That’s all I’ve heard about
from her. Marriage, marriage, marriage. The relationship that I once had
with my parent’s years ago is dead. I’m close with my mom, but it’s still
strained because I refuse to go back home. It harbors bad memories for me,
and I want to keep away from it—from him.
I haven’t spoken to my dad once since I left the house that day.
Not a single word. When my mom would force me to talk to him, I would
hang up, or when she would get me to come down home for Thanksgiving,
birthdays, or Christmas, I never went. I still hold him responsible for this
mess. Him and my old coach.
Yes, I’ve become one of the best quarterbacks the NFL has right
now, but this was at the price of my happiness. I haven’t found that person
again, that feeling I had with her. I miss it. I’m a different person because of
this, a person that I don’t like. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I
don’t like the current me. In fact, I hate him. I hate the choice I made. I hate
that it’s affected me, even after all these years, and I hate the way my life
has unfolded without her. I hold a lot of resentment towards him and the
pressure he put me under.
 I sometimes regret the result, but then I think about how I actually
made it on my own as a professional. It sounds egotistical, and I beat
myself up about it. I worked hard because I knew I had the ambition and
talent, I was born to do this.
I stress over it and know that she’s already in a relationship. But I
can’t help but think, what we could have been like. Would we still be
together if I chose her?
That thought plays on my mind.
The what if.
It was a losing battle no matter which way I looked at it.
And then there’s Ted.
What is he like with her? Is he kind to her the way I would have
been, the way I was? Does he treat her like the queen she is? Does he take
her out on cute dates and make her laugh? Do they share a house together or
do they stay over at one another’s places to get the comfort from each
other? Is she happy with him? Does he care for her? Has he ever made her
cry? How did they meet?
These are all questions I torment myself with every day, ones that
I want to ask my sister, but I keep them to myself. I don’t need her getting
suspicious. I don’t want her knowing that I’m still in love with her best
friend. Although, she has generated the topic of her a few times. I know she
hasn’t neglected about what had happened, but she tells me she has the
feeling that Ted doesn’t like her. So, she’s standoffish with him. I know
she’s on my team.
Team Nick.
Not fucking Ted.
“We all know what your mom is like. I’m pretty sure she has the
names of our kids picked out already.” TJ chuckles as he twists the wheel of
the car into a car park of an unknown but fancy restaurant. Fresh paint
coating the concrete directs us to a free space down the back.
“Dude, are you serious? You actually want kids with her?” I
wonder why the fuck he’s already thought about it. He’s still young; they
both are. They have all the time in the world to be considering that. They’re
not even hitched, and yet they have their family prearranged.
When he shrugs, I just stare, astounded by him and wondering
where the hell is his mind at? “Sure, I’d love kids with her. I love her. I
can’t wait for the future.” He smiles in the distance, no doubt enacting the
image of their future kids running around in their house, wherever they
decide to live. This job requires a lot of moving around cities. So, you can
never get too comfortable. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like
she’s my home. Wherever she is, I feel like I belong right there. It’s weird . .
. but she’s the one, Nick.” The left side of his lip lifts up as he thinks about
my sister. This guy is at subterranean level with her and I know there’s no
chance in contending him about it. “I just know it,” he assures me, and I
believe him.
Their relationship has always triggered an awful shade of jealousy
from me. I have always been incredibly covetous of it. Sometimes, I refused
to meet up with them for fear of blurting it out. I felt envious at the sight of
them, so I pulled away and backed off. I didn’t want to be bitter about their
relationship, I wanted to be happy for the both of them.
It took some time for me to come around to their relationship, but
I got there in the end. It doesn’t mean it’s still not testing to see, because I
was once that happy. I once had a girl that I was enamoured with, and I lost
her.
I let her walk away when I shouldn’t have. I should have fought
for her—for us. But the decision was bigger than me, and I didn’t know
what to do. Now I realize, it was the wrong one. I could have had both, and
it haunts me to this very day.
I made a mistake.
“Come on, let’s go before she rips our heads off.” I chuckle,
pushing myself out of the car after that thought.
“I don’t think she’ll be upset today.” He pats my shoulder as soon
as we round the car.
“Why? What’s going on?” I ask as we walk towards the doors to
the restaurant Haley had booked for us. They obviously have something to
say, and I’m astonished that my sister has kept it quiet for long enough.
She’s been acting skittish lately and it’s all coming together for today, but
what is it?
“You’ll see.” He winks. I shake my head as I open the door,
telling him that his answers, or lack of, won’t cut it.
“Tell me, TJ.” I block him off from the entrance.
 “Nope.” He bulldozes into me pushing me back. I forget how
strong he is sometimes because I haven’t seen him in a while. The cool air
conditioning tickles the hairs on my skin as I walk backward. “Anderson
party.” TJ nods at the hostess, who gladly takes us to our table.
“Dude, you’re the worst!” I whine, making him laugh once again.
“You’re such a child, Nick.” He makes all three of us laugh.
“Do you have friends as shitty as he’s being now?” I ask the
young brunette strutting in front of us, and she giggles into the menu she’ll
set down for us in a moment.
“Maybe it’s a surprise?” she offers, shrugging her shoulders and
trying not to take a side, but I can see she already has.
“You’re meant to be on my side!” I joke with her and we all
continue to laugh. I laugh at the floor, trying to think about what it could be,
but I flick my eyes up when I suddenly smell her. I know it’s her, and my
eyes validate it when I see her staring back at me. Those bright blue eyes
that I haven’t seen in person for five whole years are gazing back at me
once again. I halt my steps and fall into a hypnotic state, mesmerized by her
once again. There’s no air in my lungs to help me breathe. Nothing. I feel
like I’m going to collapse at any moment.
Five fucking years later, and I still know that coconut-mango
smell from her shampoo mixed with her own aroma. I knew it was her as
soon as I got a whiff. That scent—her scent. It’s something that I will never
forget.
Her hair is longer than before. It tumbles down in soft curls
around her face and down past her shoulders.
Good God, she looks like a goddess in yellow right now.
It takes me back to the time when we had our first kiss together on
the roof of the sorority house of a party that most definitely shouldn’t have
happened, but it brought us together and we had a very memorable moment.
It looked like the heavens opened up for me to reveal the one girl that I
could only ever love.
This must mean something, right?
My heart is in my mouth as we stare at each other. It’s hitting me
so hard right now, right in the middle of my heart. The memory of her
wasn’t good enough to satisfy me, and here she is, sitting right in front of
me.
 I knew I’d see her eventually, and I was hoping it would be under
different circumstances—circumstances that involve her being single. I
wanted to try again with no interruptions. Seeing her now has nudged me to
think carefully about it. I don’t know if she has forgiven me, or if she ever
will.
I pace slowly over to the table where she’s sitting. She twists her
body around and towards my sister, avoiding the longing eye contact with
her that I have missed. Everything about her, I’ve missed. Mainly when we
used to lie in bed together. I’ve missed holding her and playing with her
hair and hand as we talked about everything and nothing. I’ve missed
watching scary movies with her because she clutched onto me for dear life.
That need for me is what I loved. The fact that she couldn’t sleep alone in
her own room afterwards satisfied me because I knew she’d be next to me,
that I had the opportunity to be there for her, and I took it.
As I approach the table, I sit down in the vacant seat next to her.
“Hi,” I barely whisper, and I wonder if she heard me. When her head rotates
around to face me again, she stretches a small smile across her lips. I forgot
where I was and quickly learned that I just ignored everyone too. My
breathing is short and rapid. This is what she does to me after all these
years.
It’s not different from when we dated. My palms are sweaty, and I
can feel my body temperature rising promptly. My brain buzzing and
fogging up with no words coming to mind.
Shit.
She turns back around to stop eye contact with me. She really
does still hate me for what I did to her. Can I really blame her?
“When did you come into town?” The cold hard tone of her older
brother breaks the ice of my staring competition with her side profile. As I
blink back to the guy who could bury me six feet under with the look he’s
giving me right now, I suddenly feel like I’m back in college and I’m about
to get clocked by him. He’s loyal to his sister, and I’ve got to respect that. I
hurt her and I’m paying for it now, even five years later.
“Uh, yesterday morning. I’m staying with them for a while”—I
point to my sister and TJ—“until I find my own home out here.” My
manager organized for me to see a real estate agent out here. I’m meeting
with them the day after tomorrow to discuss some potential properties.
 I watch Carter’s hands grip on the edge of her dress when I start
to speak in the corner of my eye. She’s mad.
“Four year contract?” It was more of a statement than a question
because he knows I’ll be taking his brother’s position on the same team as
him. We’ll be teammates, all three of us.
I’m proud of my achievements, but I can feel the tension coming
from Chris as he hardens his face once I make eye contact. leaning back
comfortably in his seat with confidence and a “don’t fuck with me” attitude
etched into his features. I try to brush it off by pretending that I don’t notice
it. Instead, I plaster on a smile and assure myself that I deserve to be on the
team just as much as everyone else.
“Yeah, so happy. I wasn’t expecting that offer but I’m happy.”
And that was not a lie. I am ecstatic about the trade. A four year contract
with the Chargers is outrageous, but I’ve worked so hard to be here. I will
win titles for them, play the best I can, and play my own game. I will strive
to be the best in the country. I have the potential and the tools to be.
“It’s a sick contract, you worked hard, man. You deserve it. I
finally get to play with you again!” TJ interjects the awkward conversation
with a compliment, brightening it up. Everyone smiles at him and I
communicate a silent thank you for sticking by me, one that he notices.
“Okay, enough about football!” My sister waves off the
conversation, removing it from the table. If I didn’t know any better, I
would think she’s about to start talking about her vacation with TJ in the
Bahamas.
I swiped through all of the photos as soon as I walked in the door
yesterday. As we all listen tentatively to my sister describe the crystal clear
waters, the gleaming white yacht they rented out for the day, the views of
the ocean during their dinners, and the countless excursions they went on,
including feeding the pigs and iguanas, something I’ve only dreamed of
doing. As she rattles on about the shark tank in the aquarium, I focus on the
fidgeting fingers of the woman sitting next to me. She’s really grown up to
be a beautiful woman and I can’t help but admire her still, even if I can only
see her in my peripheral vision.
My heart is thrashing against my chest, rattling around inside for
some liberty. I can hear my veins pulsating in my ears. My fingers are
itching to touch her, and she’s only inches away from me. Just one touch
can get me hooked again.
She’s like a drug, and I’m having withdrawal symptoms.
Then I let it slip. “You look beautiful,” I tell her in a hushed tone
while I face my sister as I watch her being animated across the table. I’m
not listening to a word she says. I switch my eyes around to meet her stare
once she presents it to me. I block everything out and focus only on her, this
beautiful woman who has grown up. I can’t believe it’s her.
With a shaky smile, she murmurs her reply coyly, “Thanks.”
Hearing her voice, my stomach clenches with excitement. I swallow her
words as I watch her eyes search mine. That look that I’ve missed dearly is
as beautiful as before. I know she still feels the connection between us. She
has to. It’s still alive between us.
I’m still in love with her and have never had the drive to move on
from her.
I couldn’t.
The sound of my sister’s voice pulls me back to the present. I
listen to find out why the hell we’re all here. “So, TJ and I went to the
Bahamas”—Really, I think to myself. I didn’t notice—“as you all know, and
we went swimming with the sharks, pigs, stingrays, did the tours of the
Cays around the main island, and went scuba diving. But . . .” She pauses
and flicks her attention from us to my best friend, who is grinning down at
her like a whipped son of a bitch. She shuffles her seat to move closer to her
boyfriend and silently communicates something. “But the best part of the
whole trip, I went as Haley Jackson,” she beams at us. We all gawp at her,
perplexed as hell.
Um, you came back as Haley Jackson, too, moron.
“But came home as the future Mrs. Haley Anderson!” My mouth
drops open she shows her hand.
He proposed to her? Haley’s hand shoots up like lightning from
underneath the table to show the girls the ring he had bought her. Holy fuck,
my sister is getting married before I am.
Shit. Shit . . .
I don’t even know what to say, I’m gobsmacked. I’m so happy for
the both of them, but there’s a part of me that’s upset about the whole thing.
 Stop being selfish, suck it up, I reprimand myself. It’s not about
you. This has been a long time coming.
I hear a screech from what I thought was a cat. Turns out, it was
Danielle, which jerks me out of my thoughts. Shielding my ears from the
shock, both girls jump out of their seats and rush over to my sister as they
embrace each other eagerly. I and the two other men laugh at them as they
bounce with joy in each other’s arms.
As I raise up to my feet, I take my best friend’s hand and shake it
as I stare at him in total shock. I shake my head in disbelief as a budding
smile takes form on my face. This is unbelievable.
The very first wedding of the family.
“I don’t know what to say, man.” I tug him in to give him a tight
hug—an official “welcome to my crazy family” hug.
“Is it congratulations or condolences? It depends on what way you
look at it,” he jokes, and I roar out a laugh with him.
“Jesus, TJ, you proposed to her? Are you crazy!” I chuckle over
his shoulder as we draw back away from each other, both wearing beaming
smiles on our faces. “Fuck! You’re getting married!” I place my hands on
my hips and stare at my best friend who I have known for forever in total
and absolute shock.
“Yup! I am! And I can’t fucking wait!” He slides his hands down
his face with that cheesy looking grin on his lips. The shock has not worn
off because all we do is stare at one another, opening and closing our
mouths, and ticking our heads from side to side shaking it in disbelief.
“Congrats, man,” Chris interrupts and hugs TJ too. TJ thanks him
as the three of us laugh at the fact that he’s the first one to get tied down
with a ball and chain. “You’re a lucky man, TJ. She’s a keeper. You did
yourself proud with her,” Chris compliments my sister and his relationship
with her. She is a keeper, she’s a Jackson and she always will be. She might
have the Anderson name, but she will always be a Jackson at heart.
“Thanks, Chris!” TJ slaps his shoulder as the manly way to thank
him.
“Hi! Congratulations!” Carter decides to join us after she realizes
that it isn’t just my sister who is getting married.
My sister is marrying my best friend.
Holy fucking shit.
 This is actually happening right now.
“I’m so happy for you both, this is incredible,” she mumbles into
his chest as she squeezes him one last time. TJ takes her hug with open
arms and grins down at her as everyone comes together for this unreal
milestone in their life.
I see that my sister is free from Danielle’s hold and grab her
before someone else does. I’ve got to congratulate the bride to be. Damn,
she’s so grown-up now. She smiles knowingly at me while I open my arms
for her to come to me. I give her a nice sibling hug. I kiss the top of her
head as congratulations.
“Thanks, guys. I’m so excited, like, I kind of want to just book a
church tomorrow and marry her. I don’t want to wait, but I know she
already has started planning.” TJ rolls his eyes, playfully talking down to
the brown-haired beauty who is still holding onto his arms and his jaw locks
open. Every single one of us is in utter shock right now.
“I’m so proud of you, Haley. You have become this incredibly
strong woman. I’m so happy for you. This beautiful, grown-up, and tough
woman who has put up with his shit for too long. God, kid, stop growing up
so fucking fast!” We laugh at the final part. I’m not good at these things. I
have no idea what to say. “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not too
late to back out, you know?” I get a slap for that one but she knows I’m
only pulling her leg for the fun of it. “I can’t believe this. You beat me
down the aisle,” I lament the last part quietly as we hold each other tight
like we used to do when we would fight and make up when we were kids.
She squeezes me harder than ever and I know she heard me, even if I
mumbled it.
“There’s still time.” She insists for only my ears. I’m not able to
ask her what she means by that as everyone has been reseated again. So, we
decide to halt the special moment and join the party, listening to the
energetic chatter around us and talking about what has conspired in the last
few minutes. I’ll ask her later when there are no other ears. I don’t want to
draw attention to it.
As I sit back in the seat next to Carter, I breathe a sigh of relief for
some reason. She toys with her dress once more, showing me that she’s
nervous to be around me, which I get. I was just as shocked as she was
when I walked in. I didn’t expect to see her today. I knew I would
eventually, but I thought it was just going to be the three of us.
When the waiter returns to the table, I assumed we were going to
place our orders, but instead he sets down a very large drink right in front of
Carter.
Saying her name, even if it’s in my head, is strange. Seeing her
drinking right now is abnormal. She was never really into drinking back in
college, so I wonder if she drinks a lot now. Did she acquire a taste for it
now? Or is she having problems? Relationship problems?
Which brings me back to my line of questioning.
Is she happy with him?
Does he make her happy? Laugh? Smile?
Does he appreciate her beauty and shyness?
Does he appreciate the little things she probably does for him? Or
is he the oblivious jerk that I hope he is so I can hate him even more?
As we let the happy couple tell us their proposal story, I can feel
the knot of regret tighten in my stomach as I watch them gaze lovingly into
one another as they recount their love story. You can see it in their eyes,
they truly love each other, and I couldn’t be happier for my sister because I
know, deep down, he will care for her and take care of her needs. That’s all
I could hope for as her brother.
They’re still the exact same couple as when we were in college,
nothing has changed other than a few fights here and there, but they always
came out on top when outside influences wish they wouldn’t. Some people
can be brutal like that. But they handled it like pros and walked out hand in
hand with their heads held high.
They’ve been through thick and thin together and it’s only made
them stronger. Many years of watching them has secured that thought in my
mind. I know they’ll be durable.
Seeing them like this has me glad that they found each other—that
they fell for each other.
Because they have shown that love is simply one soul inhabiting
two bodies. The definition of finding your other half whose heart beats in
sync with yours. That’s what’s it’s all about.
Love.
Searching for it, finding it, keeping it, and relishing it.
 It’s times like these where I would give anything to go back in
time and change the past.
Anything.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Don’t Get Too Distracted

Nick
I sat there frozen for basically the entire meal, trying to rack my
brain about what I can say to her; what I wanted to know; what she’s been
up to, but I couldn’t think of a single fucking word.
Not one.
And that’s what frightens me. She still has that mind-numbing
effect on me. That fog sweeping over my thoughts. My heart is pounding a
million miles an hour, I can feel my veins thumping in my wrists and arms.
The room starts feeling clammy, and my lungs feels like they’re being
compressed and restricted by an unknown source.
Everything in my body longs for her but I know it’s not
appropriate. As much as I’d like to lean over and take her in my arms; to
embrace her; to whisper how much I’ve missed her and how much I love
her; to kiss her sweet lips; to take her home with me and to devote the rest
of the night to her; but I have to respect that she probably wants nothing to
do with me. That she perhaps was hoping to never see me again. But that
doesn’t mean I won’t try. I won’t leave her again. I feel that’s there’s
something still there between us. The same thing that was lingering above
us in college. The same thing that I feel when I would see pictures of her or
videos of her. Hearing her voice in person after so long is such a relief to
me too.
I don’t know how to vindicate it. It’s like there’s something
palpable in the air. Something electric and dangerous. But it’s there. I can
feel the sentiments building between us as time goes on. This electric spark
connecting the two of us, and damn did I miss it.
TJ payed the bill for the night, and I haven’t stopped getting
glares from Chris the entire time that I’ve sat here. I don’t even need to look
at him to know that; I can sense his eyes on me, watching every move I
make and probably judging me for it too. I have to step back and understand
where he’s coming from with it. I hurt his little sister and she may or may
not be still hurting. Hence, the silence between us.
“Nick?” Everyone is standing up over me, signalling that we are
leaving, but I had zoned out for a bit. I was just staring at the glass sitting
on the table in front of me, thinking of something to say to her. But the time
flew by, and I lost my chance.
“Sorry,” I apologize and rush to my feet. As I step to the side, I
make eye contact with Carter but she flicks them downwards rapidly and
steps away from her seat, her yellow dress floating after her movements. I
watch her walk behind Danielle and Chris, who has his arms around his
girlfriend, making her laugh. I catch up to Carter and smile once our stares
meet again.
“How have you been?” I begin but the conversation is a little
strained already. I don’t think the shock has worn off. I know it hasn’t for
me, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to hear her voice once more.
She fretfully clears her throat and wraps her hand around it gently,
stroking it to keep her hands occupied. “I’ve been fine. And you?” she asks
back politely just to keep it going.
“Good, better. Thanks,” I reply. Then it falls dead silent between
us. It has me placing both hands inside my jeans pockets as we reach the
door. I hold it open for her as we walk outside. I couldn’t help my eyes
flicking down to her ass that still holds the same shape. I gulp down and
flick my eyes back up, silently scolding myself. Thankfully, nobody caught
me. I quicken my pace so I can catch up to her again.
“I hadn’t realized that you were the new Chargers quarterback.
I’ve been so busy with work that I didn’t have time to see the trades.” She
doesn’t even look at me when she speaks; she just peers straight ahead, her
tone very timid and her arms folded across her chest, which makes me look
down for a spilt second until I realize what I was doing and flick my eyes
back up to her side profile. She’s closed off with me, just like in the
beginning. I can’t fault her for that, I fucked up.
“Um, yeah, I’ve known for a while that your brother was going to
leave so I pushed for them to sign me. I’ve always wanted to play for the
Chargers. When I became a free agent, they swooped in and took the
chance, thanks to the help of my agent,” I disclose.
“I know.” She twists her head to face me. Her eyes haven’t lost
the light-blue spark in them. I watch them pulse in front of me, and I could
feel the cliché constriction in my lungs again. Her lips part ever so slightly
as I observe this interaction play out. “You mentioned it in college a couple
of times.” She nods and breaks that eye contact with me. I wanted to grab
her face and make her look at me as the guy she liked and dated, but I can
tell she’s having a trying time with it. Her hands are nervously wringing
themselves like she used to do when we were together in college. She
doesn’t know what to do with herself.
“Right, yeah, I remember. I don’t think I stopped talking about it.”
I chuckle and rub the back of my clammy neck with my open palm. I hear
that giggle I love; it was faint, but I heard it. I snap my attention back to her,
hoping to hear it once more, but she stops and clears the imaginary lump in
her throat.
“Well, it’s amazing you got that job. You’ve always wanted to
play for them, now’s your chance,” she tells me. I know I won’t, not this
time. This is what I’ve worked hard for, and now that I’m here, I don’t plan
on leaving without a fight.
As we reach her car, I could see a rusty and dusty old . . . thing. I
couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the ancient death trap gawking back at
me. Jesus, that’s what she drives? What happened to her four by four
Mercedes’s she loved in college. Roxy?
“Yeah, I’m going to give it my best shot. I’ve worked hard for it.”
I nod but can’t help but stare at this contraption that she calls her car. It
looks very dated and it probably breaks down all the time. This is
something that looks like my grandparents would have driven, and it looks
like it’s been to the mechanics more often than not.
“I bet you have. Don’t ruin this chance. It’s your one and only if
you want to come back to the team. They’re particular about players. I
know they are, they know who they want and what they’re looking for,” she
says, and I skim my eyes back up to her once she opens her creaky door, the
noise and the motion catching my attention. I blink at her and stand larger
like I did the very first night I met her, I tower over her anyway, but I
couldn’t help the gesture.
 I can’t get over how much she looks like the same person when I
watched her walk away that haunting day; the day that I regret. Her hair is a
little longer, but she still smells of coconut and mango; a hint of a floral
perfume disperses every so often too. Her complexion is still radiant, and
her demeanour is still skittish. I know why. It’s me.
That thought alone puts me into a sour mood.
“You going to get home alright, Cooks?” Chris yells at his sister
across the car park. He closes Danielle’s door of their Mercedes car and
rounds his way over to his own side. His features are stone cold, and
daggers are zooming right at me.
“I’ll be fine, thanks!” She waves him off, but I saw the look in his
eyes when he glanced them to me. He was warning me. I get it. I know I
won’t be able to do as he pleases. I know it’ll wind me up into more trouble.
That’s what I’m known for, being that stupid bad boy of the NFL. Which
I’m not. I just focus a lot more than others and balance it out with heavy
nights out and coiling myself up into idiotic situations, like sleeping with
random girls.
I am at rock bottom and I don’t know how to yank myself out if it.
I still don’t, I’m in a dark and desolate place without her and I need her in
my life. I can already feel the heaviness on my shoulders being lifted just a
bit.
“I’ll wait until you’re gone,” he says to her but looks straight at
me, his eyes not wavering as he talks to her. And he’s the nice brother,
imagine what Austin would do to me.
As I tear my stare away from him and back to his beautiful sister,
I catch the bright light in her eyes again and start to remember all of the
times I got to look into those beautiful crystal balls when we were lying in
bed together after a night alone. When she lost herself beneath me as she let
my name leave her desirable lips. The high she felt made me feel so
powerful. Yellow is her color, too, she looks like she’s glowing. And that
hurts. She looks like she’s happy, yet she’s on edge just talking to me.
Maybe she’s just as surprised as I am? My mind is racing around
with these thoughts. I feel that invisible force pulling me back to her. That
one that has us connected to each other, the tie is taut and pulling us both
back to one another if we stray too far. And that’s happening right now.
 “I’ve got to go.” She starts pointing to Chris and I nod and back
away, understanding that this is all too much for the both of us. I could see
her finger shaking like she’s nervous to be around me. I need to let her soak
this all in.
“Sure, I’ll see you soon then?” I ask, and I see her hesitantly nod
too. Just as she was about to step into her car, she stops for a moment and
faces me again, flicking her hair over her shoulder as the wind aids the
action. She stares right into my eyes for a few seconds longer than she
probably should have, but I welcome it.
“Good luck on the team, Nick. Don’t get too distracted.” She taps
the metal frame of her door after she said it.
The last part stung brutally, but I could see the pain in her eyes
when she said it. She had that same look on her face the day I watched her
walk away. Her voice quivered slightly as she did, too, and that cut deeper
than I wanted; both the words and her reaction. It wasn’t my intention to
make her feel like that, and now that I knew I did, it makes me feel like the
worst guy on the planet for her. She deserves so much better than me, and
maybe she does have someone who treats her better than I did.
But I still can’t shake her off. I’m addicted to her. I need her.
Five years later, and we’re still both really affected by that
decision. It’s clear as day. I never should have chosen the game over her.
Looking back, I knew I could’ve had both, but I was too blind and too
intimidated to choose both.
I was a great player with or without her, I rewatched my tapes
continuously. I didn’t falter as much as I was led to believe. Yeah, sure, I
had a few hiccups, but I lead my team to win the Eastern title. Now, I’m
going for the Super Bowl title. I’ve never been in one and now I have my
chance. I’ve worked too hard to not win one with this team. I want to be the
best quarterback in the game, and I need to be exceptional with her brother
as the number one player who has trained all his life by the best coach there
is in the game. Her brothers hate me for what I’ve done to her, I remember
my sister telling me that nobody could talk to her after that day and she
wouldn’t leave her room.
I felt even worse about myself and the decision. I hated my father
and coach for coercing me into it too.
 But one thing I know for sure, as I watch her rev her engine with
one last glance at me out of her window, I know that her heart belonged to
me, and I will give everything I’ve got to make it mine again.
I’m going to win her back.
I’m stealing my girl back.

* * *

Carter
I drove mindlessly to Ted’s house to see how he was getting on
with his presentation, to see if he needed anything or that I could help him
in any way, but I couldn’t get out of the car. I’ve been sitting here frozen
and glued to my seat with a death grip on the steering wheel, turning my
knuckles white at the peaks. I’ve been staring like a deer in headlights out
the front window, trying to piece this all together. I couldn’t gather my
emotions. I’m all over the place. I’m high and low in the space of two
seconds.
Nick Jackson, this is your fault. All your fault.
I never knew what it would be like to see him again, how I would
react or what I would say. I wanted to scream at him, make him hurt just as
much as I did but I couldn’t think of anything to say, never mind do.
I thought I’d be over it now that I’m taken and in a relationship
but no. My heart broke all over again, and I don’t know what to do. I start
shedding a few tears alone in my car. I don’t have the courage to leave the
metal box that got me here. I don’t feel like I’m in my own body right now
as the memories play back in my head.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
I never thought it would be so gruelling to see him again. It feels
like just yesterday that he dumped me and trampled all over me. The
memories of me locking myself away in my room for weeks drowns me in
the deep water I’m submerged in. It was so bad, Danielle and Haley had to
call my brothers and parents to check on me. Even with their busy
schedules, they came and comforted me, but it just wasn’t enough.
I cried my crushed little heart out for him because I loved him. I
really and truly fell for him, and I think I do still love him and that’s not fair
for any of us, especially Ted.
I can’t be thinking about Nick, but him showing up out of the blue
has me doing just that. It’s like telling someone to not imagine a pink
elephant, and they do just that. The fact that Chris didn’t tell me that he’s
the new quarterback for the team has me fuming. How could he not have
warned me about this? Warned me about his return?
My mind is sprinting around in circles, trying to think of ways to
avoid him, but I’ve come up with nothing. Like in college, we’re in the
same state and group, I have no way of running. At the same time, I don’t
even want to run from him.
Ugh! Why now?
I slam my head back and feel the hot tears roll down my cheeks
and neck. “Why now?” I yell heavenward, looking like a total maniac in the
process.
I don’t know how I’m expected to deal with this. Do I act normal,
like we never happened even though it will probably hurt? Or do I scream
at him and tell him how much of an asshole he is for coming back into my
life and get it over and done with? Or . . . do I—
No, we’re not thinking about that.
You’re not going back there. You can’t. You can’t do that to
yourself.
I shake my head to vehemently rid that dangerous thought.
You should kill him with kindness, that’s what my mom used to
say when we were younger. When I was in college, she would hold me, let
me wail on her and soak her top with my tears. She would rock me back
and forth, telling me how I should deal with it and that it’ll all be alright.
How I could cope with seeing him on campus for the last few weeks he had.
She would communicate with me to put on a smile, kill him with kindness,
and make him regret what he lost. I tried very firmly to do that, but it didn’t
work. I barely made my classes but passed with flying colors. My parents
understood why I didn’t want to go but told me I had to eventually show up
to classes. I did, but I evaded his usual routes at all costs, taking the long
way to everything and never setting foot in that cafe ever again. I couldn’t.
It held bad memories for me and curdled my mood.
I grip my overnight bag on the back seat that I prepared last night
in case I would staying over. I yank it into my hold with aggravation. I kick
the car door open and wrathfully wipe my tears away. I square up my
shoulders and hold my head as I high I can, slamming the door shut with
my hip. I lock it and stomp my way up the dark yet dimly lit walkway to his
house.
The porch light has moths fluttering around it. I sift out the keys
that he gave me from the small pocket in my bag and place the key in the
door. I push it open with a little force because the door is stubborn and let
myself in like I always do.
“Carter? Is that you?” Ted calls from the kitchen. I can hear the
sizzling of food on the pan followed by the smell of garlic and onions
wafting through the air.
“Yeah, it’s me.” I follow his voice into the kitchen, placing my
bag down on top of the counter while I try to guess what he’s making for
himself. He’s shirtless like always when he cooks. He hates the smell
latching onto his clothing. I’m surprised he’s wearing pants too. “What are
you making? It smells good.” I smile at him and dodge the counter to get to
him.
He has the pan in one hand and a wooden spatula in the other. He
leans to the side and kisses my lips. I’m praying he doesn’t ask me what’s
wrong or points out that my eyes are red.
“Chicken, pasta, and cream. I don’t remember what it’s called
though.” He shrugs with a smile. I laugh at him, trying to cover myself and
watch him continue cooking his dinner. “How was the meal? Did I miss
anything?” he asks, licking the sauce off his hand as he fetched the pasta on
the stove and drains the water out of it.
“Oh! Yeah, amazing news! Haley and TJ got engaged when they
were in the Bahamas. It was so unexpected and absolutely amazing. I never
knew how romantic TJ could be, but he was—”
“Amazing?” he teases me and I blush at how annoying I just got.
When I’m happy for my friends, I start to ramble. So it’s obvious that
something like this has me thrilled. “I’m happy for them,” he says, focusing
on the food he’s preparing. He’s smiling as he places the pasta into the
bubbling sauce the chicken strips are in. “I got great news as well. My boss
wants me to present to the board of directors tomorrow. So, I’ve got to do
my presentation twice tomorrow. I have it down to the finest detail, I’ve
nailed my practice runs alone, but I want to practice it with you tonight and
see if you get what I’m saying and if you pick up on anything else that I
missed. You should ask me questions and whatnot,” he beams, and I nod
reluctantly back at him.
This wasn’t how I wanted tonight to go. This was supposed to be
a quick visit so I could rest in his bed for the night and think about what had
just happened tonight. I saw my ex-boyfriend again. My very gorgeous and
very sexy ex-boyfriend. As much as I hate to admit it, he looks so good,
even the women in the restaurant highlighted how handsome he was
tonight.
I knock some sense into myself and remove the mental image that
is now locked inside my mind. What he wore, what he smelt like, and his
deep creamy voice that I adore. I can’t even lie to myself about it. He hasn’t
changed all that much, he still looks like the same old guy that I fell for. It
started to fade slowly but surely because I haven’t seen him for a while, but
I never forgot about him. I avoided any interactions with him because it was
hard at first. I didn’t want to be around someone who painfully broke my
heart into pieces. It was a raw moment between us then, and after seeing
him recently, I feel it all over again when I shouldn’t.
My heart still craves him. But he hurt me, my brain replies sharply
back. He walked away from something special between us. He chose to do
it too. I found it hard to let it drop. And I’m finding it impossible with him
now too.
It’s like being reintroduced to something you’re addicted to,
something you know that you will crave time and time again for the next
while.
“Sure.” I smile feebly back to Ted. I throw my hair into a bun and
gaze around the heated room to check if I can help him. Then I feel a hand
on my hair to find the elastic and pull it back out. I spin on my heel to see
him ogling down at me with the hair tie in his hand and amusement dancing
in his eyes.
“You know I like it when your hair is down.” He grins, and I try
and reach for the tie wrapped around his fingers. “I’m keeping it, too, so
you don’t tie it back up.” He chuckles and reaches up so I can’t get hold of
it. I swat his chest playfully as I push myself up to my toes to match the
height his arm extends to, but I’m no match for him. “Try all you want,
you’re not getting it.” He leans his head against mine while his free arm
wraps around my waist, pulling me closer. I stumble a little into him, taking
hold of his shoulders to steady myself. He bows his head down to capture
my lips, and I kiss him back with a little more pressure.
It’s not Nicolas Aiden Jackson, NFL bad boy extraordinaire.
I blink my eyes open in a panic at the unwelcome thought. It
shouldn’t feel like that at all.
I’m happy with Ted. I don’t need Nick.
I don’t need him.
So, I pull away after he gives me another quick peck.
“You look very pretty too.” He roams his eyes across my dress.
“But green is more your color.” He’s always liked green on me, but I don’t
like it. It doesn’t suit me at all. It depends on the shade of green, I suppose,
but it makes me look more . . . round. He likes the dark-forest green. I think
yellow fits me more. I don’t know why I like it so much, but it’s my color.
“Thank you.” I blush back. I gape down at his food. He stands
behind me and pours the pasta into the bubbling sauce with his arms around
me. He kisses my neck as he flicks his wrist with the pan to mix the pasta
and sauce together before setting down the empty pot to reach for the
wooden spoon once again.
“So, what are you doing next weekend? I was thinking we could
go out for dinner on Saturday and then watch a movie at the outdoor theater
on Sunday?” His tepid breath washes over the skin on my neck causing me
to slightly shiver. I could feel his nose caress the nape of my neck as he
asks, making my hairs stand up.
“Saturday for sure, but I don’t think I can do Sunday. Football
starts around that time and it’s the Chargers first game. I was going to go
with Haley and Danielle if you wanted to join us?” I ask him. He pulls
slightly away and fetches a dish to put his food on. After putting the pasta
on a dish, he places the pan into the sink. It sizzles as it sinks into the water.
“Um, I think I’ll pass. I don’t like watching football. I have better
things to do with my time than watch that crap. I don’t know why you
watch it or bother with it. It’s a waste of time watching guys chase each
other for a ball covered with pigskin.” He’s very opinionated when it comes
to football. I allow him to have that opinion, we’re open in our relationship.
“You could spend time with me, especially with all of the work that’s piling
up now.” He spoons some food into his mouth and nods at the taste. He
likes it. But I can see the hazy clouds forming in his eyes as he waits in
anticipation for me to tell him I’ll cancel on the game and watch a movie
with him instead. But this is what I like to do. I like watching football, I’ve
grown up with it and it will always be a part of me.
“I would like to see my brother’s first game. I haven’t been to a
game in a while and I’d like to see one again. You don’t have to come if
you don’t want to, but I would like you there,” I offer but he’s having none
of it. He refuses to watch it on TV and he most certainly won’t come to a
live game.
“I’ll meet up with you later. I’ll do some work while waiting. It’s
just a shame my own girlfriend doesn’t want to spend time with me.” He
sighs, ignoring my look as I watch him walk away into the living room. I
drop my head back and sigh in frustration, mentally swearing at the ceiling
as if it would help.
“I do want to see you, so don’t play that card on me. I offered you
to come with us, but you don’t want to. And I like going to games; I like
watching my brothers play. I’ve grown up with it and I feel like I’m home
when I do watch them.” I follow after him into the living room where I can
see that basketball is on the TV. He’s not a hugely sporty person, but he
likes to watch basketball more than any of the other sports. He’s just not
religious about it.
“This is a real sport, not football. No offence to your brothers or
dad, but football is full of dumb jocks who grow up to be assholes—”
“We’re not fighting over this, Ted. I’m going to go with them,
you’re welcome to come and that’s it. Come or don’t, but don’t say that
football players are dumb assholes. You’re including my brothers and father
in that statement and I don’t like it. I don’t say that about your family and I
expect the same courtesy with mine.” I try to once again nip the problem we
seem to have by the bud. I say it every time he brings up his disdain for the
sport. He insults my family and me when he says things like his, but he
never has the courage to say it to them.
He sighs and sits forward, putting the dish he made down on the
wooden table in front of him. He gives me his full attention and leans on his
knees, looking up at me with a guilty look in his eyes.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He
takes my hand and pulls me down to sit next to him with a small bounce.
When I do, he kisses the back of my hand and leans back onto the sofa. I
lean down so I can lay my head on his beating chest. He strokes my hair. I
could fall asleep right now, I’ve had such a tiring day today.
“I know you’ve had a bad past with football players, and I
understand—”
“No, you don’t, Carter. Stop saying you do,” he snaps back,
making my head snap up and see him with a frown etched on his handsome
face.
“I didn’t mean to offend you, Ted—”
“Can we just drop it? We’re not going there. Let’s just watch TV,
you can go to the game if that’s what you want, but I won’t be going with
you. I’m never going to a game and I’m not wavering on that,” he vows. I
nod, understanding that it’s his choice just as much as going to the game is
mine. I just wish he would go with me at least once. Seeing my brother play
is what I love most. Now that TJ and Nick have joined the team, it’ll be
very different.
I have no idea what it’ll be like watching him play again. To see
him in a Chargers uniform finally after years of hard work and passion, he’s
finally made it. I’m happy for him, but I’m a little bitter to realize that
maybe he did make the right choice by dumping me? Maybe he’s one of the
best because of it.
Maybe I really was deadweight?
A thought like that brings me down a little. It stung hard because
I’m starting to believe it’s true. He never dated after we broke up, Haley
made sure to tell me every single time he was brought up in conversation.
Apparently, he was in an unhealthy state after our breakup. I was
glad at first, but I felt heartbroken for him as well. I was invited to their
graduation but skipped it. I was invited to Ellie’s party and I only attended
because he does not want to come back his home. Lynn has been so
distraught over his refusal to return home for the holidays and special
occasions. Haley and TJ always came home but Nick stayed where he was.
He never spoke a word to his father since that day and I felt responsible for
that.
I got a lot of cold and snide remarks from him after we ended
things, telling me I was only in it for the money and fame because I wanted
what my brothers had. I got a lot of names labelled on me, too, but Lynn
always apologized for his attitude. When I finally had enough of it, I never
went to their home. I felt unwelcomed there.
It was best for everyone.
Sometimes they visit LA and I would see Lynn. I’ve kept in touch
with her throughout the years. She sometimes calls me to see how I’m
doing, what I’ve been up to, and how everyone in my family is. They have
been to Taylor’s birthdays, so she and my parents talk sometimes and know
each other quite well despite what happened.
As we sit in silence and watch the sports channel, it tunes into a
catch up on the latest sports news. When I see Nick’s face displayed on the
screen, I set myself up and try to listen to what they’re saying about him.
His signature stare takes up the majority of the TV while he stands with his
chest puffed out and his arms behind his back in his new uniform. A serious
expression on his face, the one he models all the time, except for tonight.
“News has just recently broken on the trades that newcomer
quarterback, Nick Jackson, has now taken over from Austin Steel as the
head quarterback this coming season,” the voiceover reports. “He’s the third
highest paid player in the industry for a one hundred and nine-million-dollar
contract for four years. We have seen that he has arrived in LA this week
and is looking to begin training with the team for their upcoming game.
“He has played with a few of the guys already in the squad, so I
think he’ll fit in quite well. They need the win to kick start off their journey
to the Super Bowl this year to retain the title that the Steel brothers pulled
out of the bag with a phenomenal play to beat their father in the finals. In
other news, Austin Steel has been traded for a one hundred and twenty-one-
million-dollar contract to the New York Giants, making him the highest
paid player in the industry to date—” Ted flicks the TV off, and I silently
groan.
I wanted to see what they had to say about my brother being
replaced by Nick. My brother has true talent; the both of them do. They’ve
always been amazing with a football; my dad had a lot to help with that.
They’ve been throwing a football around ever since they could hold one.
It’s been in the family and I know it will stay in the family.
I wanted to watch the updates, but Ted had other plans for me.
Never mind. I’ll watch it tomorrow at home.
 “How about I run through my presentation with you really quickly
and you can give me feedback now?” He stands up on his feet and finishes
off his food. When Ted says “really quickly,” it’s never really quickly. It
takes a lot longer than it should because he’s a perfectionist.
“Sure.” I smile and sit vertically, but I couldn’t think of anything
worse right now. “Did you not want to watch the rest of the game?” I ask as
he leaves the living room.
“Nah, I didn’t want to watch the updates, so I switched it off,” he
calls from the other room. I purse my lips, knowing he didn’t want to watch
the football updates and I knew he turned it off because of it. He doesn’t
even allow me to watch football in his company and dislikes it when my
family are over because it’s always on a nearby screen.
“Okay,” I mumble as he gets his briefcase holding his laptop and
notes for the presentation. He links his laptop up to the TV via HDMI so he
can practice with me.
I’m in for a long and tedious night ahead of me.

* * *

After a few practice rounds—three to be precise—I felt exhausted

from hearing him say his speech over and over again. I was just sitting on
the sofa, listening to his material, and yet I’m still weary. I didn’t do much,
but I could sense my eyes drooping towards the conclusion of the very last
presentation.
“I mean, if I was boring you that much, why didn’t you say so?”
Ted was offended that I wasn’t fully awake towards the end. I had an early
start, so I could get out on time for the dinner tonight.
“You weren’t, you were amazing. I’m sorry, I’m just so worn out
from tonight. I could barely keep my eyes open, not because you were
boring me.” I follow him into his bathroom and watch him brush his teeth. I
wrap my arms around his bare torso from behind and rest my chin on his
bicep. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You’ll kill it tomorrow like you always
do! I know you will!” I compliment him, kissing the back of his shoulder
blade.
He cleans his teeth as foam forms around his mouth and he bobs
his head. I can see he’s apprehensive about the presentation tomorrow and I
know he’s on the edge about it. I undoubtedly didn’t help by not staying
awake tonight. I know I’ve offended him and he’s now thinking that the
presentation will send people to sleep.
“How about you run through it one more time with me?” I offer
him. He spits and widens his eyes.
“Really?” he asks. I nod back, smiling at him. “You don’t have
to,” he says hesitantly. I know he’s concerned I might fall asleep again. I
don’t want to knock his confidence, I’ll just sleep on my lunch tomorrow.
“I want to.” I gaze at him through the mirror and watch him reach
for the towel to wipe his mouth.
He kisses my lips and mutters, “You’re the best. I’ll go and get the
laptop so we can do it in the bedroom!” He smiles ecstatically and rushes
out the door.
I rotate around to take a glimpse at myself in the mirror. I can see
the dark and sunken circles forming under my concealer that’s not doing a
very good job of hiding them. I dab my ring finger against the right circle
like it’ll help it disappear. I start rinsing off my makeup with cold water to
wake myself up. I dab the tiny droplets racing down my face and do the rest
of my night time routine. I grab my things from the overnight bag that I
brought with me in case I was to stay the night with him.
“I’m ready to go, Carter!” he proclaims, and I sigh, shrinking my
shoulders down towards the cold tiles.
“Coming!” I call back and take one last look at my frightful
appearance. I shuffle my feet out into his room and slide into the double bed
I sometimes sleep on. He’s ready to go, and I sit up tentatively, trying to
allow the cold air on my skin so I don’t fall asleep.
I sit, and I listen, one last time.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
It’s Been A Rough Few Days

Carter
We needed some girl time today. And when I mean girl time, I
mean, I’m about to roast Haley for blindsiding me about her brother coming
to dinner the other night.
It was shady and uncalled for. I’m livid. I didn’t think that she
would do something like that. When I asked her about it afterwards, she
told me it slipped her mind, meaning she did it on purpose.
Despite her “confession,” I still don’t know the motive behind it.
I’m also mad at her fiancé for not informing me either. They were
tight-lipped about his arrival. I did not know that he’d be coming to LA, let
alone play on the same team with Chris. Chris is harboring unhappy
feelings about him too. I can see that much. He saw how distraught I was
about our breakup and I penitently took it out on everyone but Nick. I
stayed neutral in front of TJ and Haley as best as I could because I didn’t
want Nick knowing how I was handling things. I didn’t want to put them
into an awkward position. It wasn’t their fault, it was his choice.
“Are you waiting on someone else or would you like to order
now?” The young waitress positions herself next to our table and I instantly
drop the frown I know I was holding.
I’m just mad in general today too. Jody had returned from her
sister’s wedding and has gone through the catalog of men at her beck and
call. Anything she ever does involves a guy hanging off her arm. Half of the
time, I really question how accurate she’s telling the story.
It’s so emblematic of her, too, but she overexaggerates on
everything, and I do mean everything.
 She really is a beautiful woman. She doesn’t need the praise for it,
either, she knows she is. Most of the young men that walk into our office
ogle her as if their lives depended on it. Her voluptuous figure gets the guys
attention as soon as she enters the room. She demands their attention, and it
works for her. It’s doesn’t help that she’s actually pretty smart, but she can
be such a hypocrite. Her sex life is the primary focus on most days and the
rest of us can’t bear to listen to how quickly she can make a guy have a
boner just with one simple look.
Yeah, we get it, you’re hot.
She yakked the whole day about this guy she hooked up with on
the flight on her way back to LAX. She kept talking about how ripped and
rugged he was and that they were both officially in the mile high club. I
think I was more astonished at the thought that she hadn’t joined the club
previously. She was convinced he was an athlete too. I have no doubt in my
mind that she’s the type that could pull one into bed with her at this day and
age. She seduces just about anyone into whatever she wants to do, and she’s
good at it too. Well, she’s just very blunt.
She didn’t say what his name is. If she did, I sure as hell wasn’t
listening to her like most people at work.
“We have one more coming, but I think this woman needs a glass
of your house wine. White, and make it two please.” Danielle holds up two
fingers, notifying to the waitress the order before Haley arrives.
Chris dropped both of us off at this restaurant. We have a girls
night every two weeks to chat and catch up. The guys sometimes gather at
Chris and Danielle’s house because he has to keep an eye on Taylor. Taylor
loves hanging out with all the guys, too, she gravitates to them when they’re
around when she warms up to them. Now she has another one to swarm to.
I was pretty furious at Haley when we were at the restaurant, but
it was such huge news that I couldn’t hold the grudge that day and ruin it
for them. I just couldn’t do that to either of them. It wouldn’t have been fair.
So, I waited until today.
“Talk to me.” Danielle settles herself across from me, placing her
lavish handbag down beside her. I shake my head and sigh loudly. “It’s
about Nick, isn’t it?” Just hearing his name makes me fist my hands
harshly. Not because I want to punch him, but because I could feel my
hands longing to run my fingers across his skin once more. I categorically
hate myself for feeling this way.
“I just . . .” I stop myself because I don’t know what to even say at
this point. I can’t get over seeing him again. Even if it’s been five years, the
heartache is still there, it still lingers. As much as I loathe myself for even
thinking that while I’m in a relationship. God, why am I doing this to
myself? “It wasn’t fair,” I speak softly to my hands that are toying with one
another. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like I’m cheating on Ted even
when I have done nothing. I feel dirty and I’m sick about it. My heart feels
heavy just thinking about it.
“I know, it wasn’t cool for her to do.” My head snaps up when I
hear her agree with me. “Don’t give me that look.” She stares pointedly at
me but a smile rests on her glossy lips. Danielle is a far cry from the student
she once was, scrimping and saving for money each week. Now, she’s a
mother of one and living the life with my brother who is obsessed with her.
“You agree with me? I thought you wouldn’t,” I confess, slightly
amazed. Once the waitress reappears with our glasses of wine, she sets
them down and we take our first sizeable mouthful. We both moan, more at
the feeling than the taste of something cool and alcoholic being swallowed.
It’s been a rough few days.
“Yes, I agree with you. She was in the wrong with keeping that
huge information to herself; same goes for TJ. I know they’re loyal to him,
and I get that, but they have loyalties to you too. They should have at least
given you a heads up. Unless they wanted to surprise you?” She shrugs,
breathing in deep with the flavor that was laying in her mouth.
“Surprise me? With what? A heart attack?” I exclaim quite loudly.
“Or life?” she mutters, sipping on the cooling beverage.
“Life? What the hell does that mean?” I counter, a little bit
offended. Do I look dead to her or something?
“Hey, girlies!” Haley rushes in through the door with a few
shopping bags on her arms. Both of us look over towards her at the entrance
to see the mass of blonde hair whipping through the surrounding air. She
shuffles around to hug us both but I’m too mad at her to reciprocate it.
“Traffic was awful on the way here with TJ.” She rolls her eyes heavenward
and plonks herself next to Danielle on the far side of the table. “You guys
ordered without me?” She pouts and I glower back at her, making her eyes
widen a little. “I knew you’d be pissed at me . . .” She exhales and drops her
hands below the table in defeat.
“Damn right, I’m pissed at you! Haley, you could have warned
me,” I tell her off with a harsh edge in my tone. The look she’s giving me is
one of shock and hurt, like she knows how badly it had affected me. More
than I care to actually admit.
“Look, I am sorry for springing it all on you. He arrived early
Monday morning and is staying with us until he finds a home for himself.
Not for the lack of finances, he’s the richest guy I fucking know.” She
smirks and stretches across for the menu standing on the table in front of
her. “I get it was a shitty thing to do, and I’m sorry about that; I really and
truly am. I know how hurt you were when you both broke up. It wasn’t my
intention to bring back up those emotions and feelings,” she promises me. I
can tell by the glint in her eyes that she means it. She’s saddened about it
too and could gauge from my reaction right now that I was really put in a
bad position, and yet I still loved seeing him.
“Then why did you do it?” I ask with impatience. I just need to
understand why she threw me to the wolves.
“I wanted everyone to know TJ and I got engaged, and if I told
you he was coming, you wouldn’t have come at all. I know it was selfish on
my part, but I just wanted everyone to be there to celebrate,” she confesses.
The sad part about it is that if she really had told me that Nick was going, I
wouldn’t have shown up at all and would have missed out on the amazing
news with everyone.
I would have missed out on it all and I probably would have been
angrier at her for that then what I’m feeling right now. I understand why she
did what she did. Haley wanted us all to be happy for them and to celebrate
with them. My breakup five years ago shouldn’t have deterred her decision,
and I feel so responsible about that. “Can you forgive me?” she pleads,
placing both of her elbows on the table to prop her head up, all while
batting her eyelashes in my direction.
I roll my eyes at her and chuckle. “That’s emotional blackmail.” I
point at her and sit back in my seat, pretending like I’m weighing it out.
“But you still love me.” She grins and flicks through the menu,
trying to find a drink to order.
 “Somewhat debatable,” I tease her. Her eyes flick back up to mine
and they lightheartedly glare back at me.
“Can I try your wine?” She points at Danielle’s glass. Danielle
pushes it so it’s in front of her. She lifts the glass and tilts it into her lips,
taking a quick sip to evaluate the offer. “Yeah, I want one of those too.” She
waves the waitress back over to order a bottle of the wine and we all order
what we want for the evening.
When we finally decide, after countless minutes of me debating
back and forth and the two women tapping their feet impatiently what I
want from the menu, we order our meals and talk about what has been
happening in our lives.
“So, Taylor’s birthday is coming up, as you all know.” The little
princess mentions it every five minutes when you’re with her. “I’m going to
throw her a party at the house and people can come and go as they please.
It’s invite only and, of course, you’re both invited,” she jokes and we both
clap dramatically back at her. “Would you feel awkward if I invited Nick?”
she asks me. I hold the contents of the wine in my mouth for a little longer,
trying to figure out how I actually feel about it.
We have done the awkward meeting already, so it’s not up to me.
If she wants to invite him, she can invite him. She doesn’t need permission
from me—neither of them do—and I shouldn’t be making them feel like
that. “Guys, I don’t like the fact that you feel the need to ask and/or run it
by me. If you want him there, then you want him there. He’s you’re
brother”—I point at Haley—“and he’s your friend.” I point at Danielle. “If
you want him there, that’s fine. That’s your choice, don’t mind my opinion.
Sure, it’ll take time to get used to it, but I’ll have to get used to seeing him
eventually since he’s going to be on the Chargers with my brother, and I
might as well start now,” I say to them. Sure, it’ll be strange for us to be
hanging out again but it’ll be good in the long run. I know it might hurt a
little, but my heart went through that horrible ride before. It stuck it out and
I know it can do it again. I hope.
“Okay, then I need to also tell your dad about him coming,”
Danielle quickly informs me and starts to gulp down the rest of the wine in
her glass, looking anywhere around the room but me.
“Oh shit, I’ll have to warn Nick too,” Haley groans and makes a
note on her phone to remind herself of things she needs to do. We usually
all go home a drunken mess after these catch ups, and I wouldn’t have it
any other way. It’s not that we set out to do it, it’s just that we have so much
fun that we keep ordering the drinks and end up absolutely wasted. We
don’t get to do it as much as we would like to, and sometimes we miss days
where we’re all just so diligent.
My dad is and will always be my protector. The first man I’ve
ever come to love with all of my heart. He will always be there for me until
the day I die. He wanted to give Nick a piece of his mind when he found
out that he dumped me. He arrived on campus and came straight to my
dorm with my mom not far behind and saw just how bad I actually got. My
face and eyes were puffy and red, I had lost a severe amount of weight and I
had broken out from the stress it had caused me.
Danielle had called Chris explained to him what had happened
and how I was. He didn’t believe how bad I had gotten until he arrived at
my door. It had taken a lot of convincing to get me to open up and once I
did, he took me in his big arms and squeezed me until I could talk to him. I
couldn’t form any words the day he came. He held me for that entire day
and night until I was ready to tell him what had actually happened. I give
him a lot of credit for helping me piece myself back together, but he still
holds a grudge on Nick. He’s that type of man.
“My dad holds a lot inside, he always has, but he won’t cause a
scene at his first grandchild’s birthday party. Yes, he doesn’t like Nick for
what he did five years ago, and yes, he will still harbor that dislike for him,
but my dad is mature when he deals with this sort of thing. He’ll be cordial,
he won’t be coming in guns blazing and ready to shoot at Nick, but he
won’t be coming in with open arms waiting for a hug. He’s big and scary,
yes, but he won’t do that because he knows I wouldn’t want that. It’s in the
past now, and I don’t need it to happen because I haven’t told Ted about
him yet.” I wince at the last part.
Yes, I haven’t told him about Nick and, to be honest, I never
thought that I would have to. It’s not that I don’t want to tell him, I just
don’t know how I should. He’ll be irate that I kept it from him, and I get it,
but it’s hard for me to talk about it.
“You haven’t?” Haley asks, a little stunned. The clink of two
glasses are made as they are set onto the marble table we are sitting by. I
breathe before I look at their judgemental stares.
 I know I should have told him that night I went to his house, and I
had every intention to tell him, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time.
He was swamped by his work and I didn’t want to add this to his menu of
never-ending dilemmas. I shake my head from side to side, slightly
ashamed about not telling him. “Why?” Haley asks. There was something
in her voice that I just couldn’t figure out. It was higher than usual. Her face
says she cares about the answer but her voice says something a little
different. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
It was strange.
“I was planning on telling him about the night of the dinner. I saw
him afterward and I just . . .” I stop, thinking how I was going to phrase
this. “I couldn’t. Nothing was coming out, no matter how hard I was trying
to tell him, I kept pushing it away. My mind was swimming and I was still
in a lot of shock after seeing him.”
I curse at myself for saying the last part. I shouldn’t have said
anything. I should have kept my mouth padlocked. I should have kept that
little detail to myself. Now it’s out there, and judging by their faces, they
picked up on it instantly.
“Shock?” Haley blurts out, confusion laced in her words. “What
do you mean by ‘shock?’ ” She uses air quotes when speaking to me. I
mentally reprimand myself.
Fuck me and my big mouth.
“I wasn’t expecting him to be there, that’s what I mean. It was so
out of the blue, and I didn’t realize he was the new quarterback for the
Chargers. I don’t know what’s been happening in the NFL recently,” I
affirm. That was the truth, just not the whole truth. Fuck, I feel so sick right
now.
“Have you been living under a rock lately? Nick’s face is
everywhere, and I mean every-fucking-where, Carter. This deal has been
the hottest topic the past few weeks, controversial some might say, how
have you not seen this?” Danielle exclaims in disbelief.
I understand where she’s coming from, football is like a religion
to me. I adore the sport, and I love watching it in any chance I get. It’s
strange that I haven’t seen much of it, and I feel like I’m not myself, which
prompts me to make time for it now that the season is coming back.
 “I have been overwhelmed with work the past while. I’ve been
taking Jody’s clients for the past week and that means longer hours for me.”
I take another sip of the wine in a small huff.
“Do you not watch it when you’re home?” Haley asks out of
genuine curiosity, and I reply with a no.
“Sometimes I’d stay over at Ted’s place, and you both know what
he’s like with football, and when I do go home I usually crash in bed
because I’m so exhausted,” I say to defend myself. I hate that I haven’t had
much of a chance to keep up to date with all the trades. Work has been
hectic and I rarely have time for myself. I wish I did, then I wouldn’t be in
this position.
“Honey, you look like you need a spa day.” Haley kneads my
hand and I glare at her. Rude much? “You need to unwind, you don’t look
like you need your face fixed, Carter. You’re so sensitive these days.” She
tilts her head to the side pressing her lips together into a small sympathetic
smile.
“I know,” I groan and lean my head back towards the ceiling. “I
just don’t know how to deal with this. Ted will either flip or he won’t care,
and I have a feeling it’s not the second one. This will just give him more of
an excuse to not watch football; he’ll guilt me into it too. Maybe I shouldn’t
tell him?” The drinks are getting the better of me right now. I’m nearly on
the verge of spilling my deepest darkest secret that could potentially land
me in a lot of trouble.
“Carter, that’s not how a relationship should work. He should let
you do the things you like doing, not dictate what you can and can’t do.
That’s not right, and if Chris did that to me, I wouldn’t stand for it.”
Danielle is right, she’s always fucking right. It’s annoying at times, but now,
it’s actually helpful.
The sweet aroma of the food that we had ordered hails us at a
perfect time. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m tired. So, I nod in
response and dig into my food, as do the rest of them, leaving that topic
alone. They’ve known me long enough to know when to press things and
when to drop them altogether, right now being one of them.

* * *
Nick
“You’ll be alright, man. Chris is actually a cool guy.” TJ has been
trying to coax me into going over to Chris Steel’s house for the past hour. I
gave into him just to shut him up but it didn’t work. He’s still trying to
encourage me to go when I’m already in the fucking car. “Yeah, sure I
didn’t bang his sister and break up with her in the sp—OW!” I punch him
hard in the arm to let him get the picture already. Giving a dead arm is one
of my finest skills I’ve learned, and I’ve mastered it to a fine art.
“You know, you really need about ten filters between your mind
and mouth TJ. Fuck, do you not think I already know that I dated his sister
and slept with her? Christ, TJ, sometimes you can be a real idiot, huh?” I
snap because I’ve reached my limit. “Just . . . shut up and drive.” As much
as I love him as my best friend, I could really murder him and bury his body
in the Hollywood hills.
I feel shitty enough as it is, and I don’t need him on my case about
what I already know. I could still see she’s hurting. I did that to her—I did. I
could see it clearly in her eyes when we left the restaurant. The last
comment she made cut my heart in two, but I knew I deserved it.
Don’t get too distracted.
Those words left a bad taste in my mouth branded within me.
I know what I did was an asshole and selfish move even though I
wanted her. I still do, but I was so young and naive to think that I couldn’t
have either. I was talented enough to have both, and I fucking regret it all. If
I could go back in time, I would have stayed with her, loved her, cherished
her, and adored her like she deserves to be.
Now, I just need a plan to win her back. I need her back, and I will
crawl on my hands and knees to get her back as my girlfriend again. I will
do anything.
So, to start off, I need to know about the competition. Ted
Cradock, I’ve stalked you on social media. Do I hate you? Yes. Do I think
you’re an asshole? Yes. Do I think you’re a mama’s boy? Yes. Do I think
you’re a family man? No, and that’s where I have some sort of an
advantage; albeit, the situation with my dad right now is still a touchy
subject and it’s something I have yet to talk about with someone besides my
mom.
Carter is all about family and I love that about her. That’s why
she’d make the perfect wife and mother. I admire that side about her. When
we dated, I liked being around her family. I liked talking with her brothers
when they didn’t loathe me. Her mom even liked me and her dad rooted for
me too. It was a good situation to be in, but I’ve no doubt that I’m on each
of their shitlists.
We drive up to a gate, where there is a security guard outside. He
knows TJ and smiles at him, then checks us off as the barrier raises to allow
us through. A private estate; I expected nothing less from Chris. He’s big on
safety and spending the money on it. I know from TJ that he prohibits any
pictures being taken of his little girl, Taylor, by the media. I have to say, I
respect that. I would probably do the same with my own family. TJ tells me
he’s very protective of her and Danielle, and he doesn’t need to say it twice.
I knew about his protective side when I dated Carter. It runs in their blood.
“Nice place,” I mutter and check the houses out as we make our
way through the gated community. Well gardened homes, lavish and
expensive architecture, I’ve no doubt that Chris’s house will be the same.
He’s always been into the good quality shit, from what I can remember.
Plus, he’s made it big in this game. When TJ parks up in a very costly
looking driveway, I couldn’t help but let a gasp escape my mouth.
This place is fucking huge.
Holy shit.
“Big, huh?” TJ asks me with a wide smirk on his face. As we
unbuckle ourselves from the car, I exit like a child at an amusement park,
staring with wide eyes and an open mouth at the mansion that exudes
money right in front of me. I’ve never seen one so big in my life, and I’ve
lived in different spots around the country. This shit is next level, I’ve got to
get me one of these places, but it would be quite lonely if it were just me.
That’s why I’ve always opted for an apartment or condo. It’s
smaller and suits me perfectly because it’s just me, but looking at Chris’s
house, I kind of want one of my own now. As we climb up the steps to the
door, we eventually get to it and stand outside, looking up at the exterior. TJ
pushes the doorbell and we wait for any signs of movement.
 “This place is fucking massive, man.” I chuckle and he nods along
with me, silently agreeing.
We both hear a little squeal come up to the door and something
slams their body on it to stop themselves. I bet that was Taylor. TJ has told
me she’s a tough little cookie, like her mom, and I have no doubt in my
mind that Chris has his hands full with this little princess.
The door gets pulled open and we both see a tiny little girl in pink
Sleeping Beauty pyjamas, her soft brown hair tied up into a ponytail. She
stares at us with a bottle of milk in one hand and the door handle in the
other.
“Hello!” She smiles at both TJ and me.
“Taylor, what have I told you about running off when you’re
eating dinner? And you’re not supposed to answer the door by yourself!”
Chris scolds her from behind but all she does is smile at me.
“Who are you?” She points at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh at
her. I squat down, her eyes following me.
“I’m Nick, you must be Taylor? I’m a friend of TJ’s and your
mom’s. I’m also on the same team as your dad,” I say to her and she nods
rapidly before she’s picked up into Chris’ arms. She looks very much like
him, borderline looking like Carter, and her attitude must come from her
mom. Definitely a mini-Danielle.
“Yeah! I’m Taylor!” She squirms in her dad’s hold to get closer to
me. “You play with my daddy?” she asks and I nod.
“I’m new to the team. I haven’t played with him yet, but I will be
soon,” I inform her. She’s engrossed in what I’m saying and it’s quite funny
to watch her facial expressions change with each word I say.
When I found out that Danielle was pregnant from Haley, I called
her up immediately and congratulated her. I knew she was wary at first to
accept my call but she did and I was glad to talk to her so I could tell her
that she and Chris will be amazing parents. I still keep in contact with her
every so often to check in on her and to see how she and the rest are doing.
I always thought she was a good friend, and I have immense respect for her.
“I’ll be watching you with my mommy. We always watch when
it’s here.” She points to the floor and I couldn’t help the smile grow on my
face. She’s adorable. “Do you want to come to my birthday party? It’s on
Saturday and we’re swimming in the pool,” she offers and I could see
Chris’s head snap around to her in shock.
“That’s still in the works, honey, we have to talk to mommy about
that first, but everyone you want will be there.” He kisses the side of her
head and nods for us to follow him.
“But I want them at my party, Daddy!” she whines and tries to
climb over her shoulder to get to TJ and me once again so she can talk to
us. She has no consideration that she could fall from a significant height if
she disregards the helping hands that keep her steady.
“Taylor, quit moving around!” She starts throwing a tantrum and
laughs at the same time.
“But I want to talk to Uncle TJ and my new friend!” She giggles
and her dad starts to tickle her to get her to stop climbing all over him. It’s
very funny to watch this big beefy hulk of a man go all soft for his daughter
in a heartbeat.
“Taylor has taken a liking to you and I’m slightly offended about
that.” TJ nudges his shoulder into mine as he smiles.
“Why? She calls you ‘Uncle TJ,’ ” I mock him, while he laughs.
“Yeah, but do you know how long it took for her to say that? And
yet here’s you just walking through the door, and suddenly, you’re her new
friend,” he says in his best girlie voice that makes everyone laugh raucously
at him. You can always count on TJ to make you laugh.
“Do I hear a hint of jealousy in that tone, TJ?” Chris asks over his
other shoulder once he’s got Taylor to calm herself in his arms.
“Maybe.” He sticks his tongue out at Taylor. She cackles and does
it right back. He walks into the living room where there is another person
sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone. “Well, if it isn’t Greengate
himself.” TJ catches his attention and Jason Greengate, another teammate
of mine, stands up to greet him. When they hug each other, TJ steps back
and allows me to greet him. “You know Nick, the newbie on the team.” I
shake his hand and roll my eyes at TJ.
“I pity you being best friends with this idiot.” He points at TJ and
he jokes back by blowing him a kiss. TJ flirtily waves his hand in the air,
acting like a complete tool. I can’t believe my sister is about to marry him.
“You both love me and you know it.”
 “I love you too, Uncle TJ!” Taylor returns to our side with a bowl
of cereal that I have no doubt she’s supposed to be eating at the table and
not in the living room. When a large arms swoops, in confirming my theory,
she starts to whine and pout back at her dad.
“Seriously, kid, can you not sit at the table and eat that first? Then
you can talk to them,” he mumbles under his breath but everyone can hear
it. All three of us snort at how much of a handful this kid is but I don’t think
Chris would have her any other way. I can see that he’s unquestionably
smitten with her and he treats her exactly the same way Rodger treats
Carter; with love.
We all congregate in the living room for some food. No drinks
were poured as the season is coming up. I usually go on a drinking ban for
the duration. Most players do. The alcohol can affect the training and
routine we have and if that’s messed up, then so are our minds. None of us
take a chance on it nowadays; it’s too risky and dangerous, especially if
you’re playing a contact sport like football. I have a strict routine and diet
for myself, and it has helped tremendously to keep my mind focused on the
game and the results. With that being said, this pizza isn’t included in the
nutritional diet that’s planned out for me.
“You guys want something to drink?” Chris asks us as we kill two
birds with one stone. We’re watching game tapes for the next game we have
coming up and Jason is pointing out some vital information to me. This is
what they do when the girls have their night to themselves and, to be
honest, I kind of like it.
“Water for me, man,” TJ requests at Chris’ retreating figure.
Jason and I mumble for the same drink. Chris has not outrightly
spoken to me since setting foot into his home. I know he’s waiting for
Taylor to go to sleep before he clamps down on me. I’ve mentally accepted
that he’s going to do that. It’s only a matter of time.
He throws us the bottles when he comes back and gently kisses
Taylor’s head while she mindlessly plays on the floor with her toys. I have
caught her staring at me a few times and each time she’s beamed at me,
giggled, and shied away out of my sight. She’s a cute kid.
After a few moments of her playing with her dolls, she tells Chris
that she’s sleepy and wants to cuddle with him. I watch her crawl up on the
sofa and up towards Chris. Climbing onto his lap, she settles herself so
she’s laying on his chest and her head is buried into the curve of his neck.
She smiles to herself when he repeats the kiss on her head. Again, catching
her eye, she smiles, but this time it doesn’t reach her eyes. She’s tired, and I
know Chris is thankful, he’s almost yawning too.
My eyes flick up to his as I bite into my pizza that we ordered a
while ago. I latch on to his stare and I chew, and chew, and chew until it’s
time to swallow.
“She’s adorable.” I point at his daughter that is slowly falling
asleep on his shoulder.
“I know.” He nods and looks away from me. Cold and clipped, so
I decided maybe now isn’t the time. I put my slice down and pick up my
water but stop when I hear his voice again. “She is half of me, and I’m
freaking adorable.” He smiles confidently and I snort shaking my head from
side to side. He still resides the same sense of humour and that’s good to
see, no wonder Danielle is with him.
“She must get fondness of guys from you too,” Jason mutters as
he side-eyes Chris bravely.
“You’re just annoyed she doesn’t have a crush on you, and thank
God for that,” Chris playfully chides him and Jason rolls his eyes, trying to
subdue his smile and act like he’s angry, but he’s failing horrendously.
“Listen, we all know who she really loves here.” Jason puffs his
chest out.
“She called Nick ‘her friend’ today, and that’s further than you’ve
gotten in two years of seeing her, Jason. Just face the facts, kid, she hates
you.” We all break our hearts laughing at how brutally funny TJ’s words
were. Even Jason is laughing at him. However, that makes Taylor stir in her
dad’s arms and we all quiet down instantly.
“Fuck you, man!” Jason whispers.
“That’s Haley’s job.” TJ winks and I smack him on the back of his
head, telling him to shut up.
“Don’t even start, TJ,” I warn him. I could hear a brash laugh
coming from the other side. It’s coming from Chris. I sit there, slightly
baffled about the whole ordeal, and I look to my left to see TJ equally as
confused. When he settles down again, he decides to lift Taylor up and
bring her to bed.
Weird.
 “What was that about?” Jason wonders and I couldn’t even begin
to guess what was going on in Chris’s mind. All of us watch the empty door
frame a little perplexed.
“No idea? I didn’t realize Nick was that funny,” TJ jokes. Jason
giggles. I’m not; it wasn’t funny. I feel like there was something a little
more to it than what meets the eye. Perhaps something deeper?
As soon as he walks back inside the living room, he secures his
position and I observe him. As if he can feel his eyes on me, he turns his
head around. I feel my eyes squinting to try and read his. I let it slide and
leave it be, letting him have whatever he thought of when I spoke to TJ.
We sat and analyzed the opposition for the better part of three
hours. Each of us gives our opinions about each player on opposing team
and memorizing their play and defense to see if they had any exposed spots.
Safe to say, we found a few and will run them by the head coach when
Monday comes around. I have yet to start training with the full team. I have
only just arrived in LA, and already I’m being thrown into all of this. I’ve
played with TJ the longest. I know his play inside and out.
Now we’ve moved onto poker.
“How come Ted never came to the announcement?” Jason
wonders, piquing my interest. I flick my eyes up to Chris and see he’s
already examining me with a frown.
Slowly, his eyes meet Jason’s so he could reply, “He was
working.” TJ rolls his eyes at the reasoning.
So he’s a workaholic?
“That dude is always working.” Jason joins him with the eye roll.
I’m starting to wonder if these guys like Carter’s boyfriend at all. Thinking
about it makes me smile a little, but TJ and Chris catch onto me. “Like, is
he working or is he ‘working?’ ” Jason uses air quotes and Chris’ eyes dart
back to him in fury.
Chris brings his eyes to stare at me deep in mine and replies to
Jason, “Don’t even start, Jay.” He slowly brings his dilated pupils back to
the game, and I almost get whiplash from him going back and forth. He
quoted me, and I knew there was more to that laugh.
Letting it slide, again, I click my phone on to see the time.
It’s way past midnight. We could hear the door swing open in at
the front, causing us to stop our game for a moment. Cards were put face
down on the table as we waited. Chris has gone into a protection mode in an
instant with the little girl sleeping upstairs.
A few giggles later, and I could hear Danielle say, “Come on
Carter, stand up for me!” I immediately perk up. Chris settles his expression
as we hear them walking in. When they turn through the kitchen, Chris was
in the middle of drinking of his water bottle as he twists his neck around to
see the three of them. He nearly spits it out and I stand to my feet in an
instant. Carter’s head is hanging loosely from her shoulders with Danielle
and Haley desperately trying to hold her up.
She’s wasted.
“What the fuck happened?” Chris rushes over to them and takes
Carter into his arms while TJ makes his way to a giggling Haley. I haven’t
taken my eyes off Carter, her arms motionless and her whole body like a rag
doll. She has lost control. I’ve never seen her like this before.
“She drank too much; it only hit her in the taxi home,” Danielle
slurs and rests her hand on her head. All of them look drunk, but Carter is
on another level.
“Don’t tell Ted . . .” Haley rolls her eyes. I couldn’t help but
notice the way people in this group say his name. Do people like him or
not? I don’t get it.
“Carter?” Chris shakes her, trying to get her to wake up. He
repeats himself but she just mumbles incoherently.
“I’m going upstairs to check on Taylor.” Danielle drunkenly
decides and makes her move out of the kitchen. None of them are thinking
straight right now, that’s for sure.
“Ugh, fuck! Danielle don’t wake her up. Danielle!” Chris scolds
her quietly, debating whether to go after her or not. He looks at his younger
sister and then the counter. “Fuck! Danielle, get back here! Jason, will you
get her a water bottle?” Jason nods in amusement and follows his order,
making his way over to the refrigerator while TJ and Haley are talking
amongst themselves.
Chris has placed Carter up against the cabinets for support, her
head drooping and her hair curtaining her beautiful face. While I gawp at
her, I could see her frame beginning to tilt. Her body slides down the
cabinets to get to the counter, and I rush over to help her stay up. Her head
jolts back and her eyes open. The faint recognition on her face takes me
back a little.
“Nick?” Carter mumbles. I nod, holding on to both her arms,
making sure she’s sitting upright. Her head slams against my chest and both
her arms raise up. Not knowing what she’s doing, she wraps them around
my neck and draws me closer to her.
Subconsciously, I take her hips in my hand and she sighs in a
slightly loud volume. It feels like old times. I’m not allowed or supposed to
have her in my arms, and yet here she is. “You still smell the same,” she
mumbles on my neck.
I forget how to use my limbs. Her warm breath fanning my skin is
setting it alight. I’m on fire.
She’s drunk, wishing she wasn’t, mumbling nothing and
everything, and doesn’t know what she’s doing. As much as I’d like to tell
myself that this is what she wants, I’m pretty sure she thinks she’s still at
the bar they went to. Therefore, making her judgment invalid.
“Here’s the water.” Jason pulls me out of my reverie and hands
me the chilled bottle that he had just opened.
“Thanks.” I nod in appreciation while taking it from him.
She needs to sleep this off. She’ll have one hell of a hangover in
the morning, I know that much.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
He Might Trust Me, But I Don’t Trust
Myself

Nick
“We need to get her up to bed. Where’s Chris?” TJ wonders,
looking around for the girl on my shoulder’s brother who had disappeared
to find his girlfriend and to stop her from waking up their daughter. Tonight
was fun, but now it’s turned into such a mess.
I can feel Carter’s breath on my neck as she inhales deeply and
releases it once more. I haven’t forgotten what she said. I know she realizes
it’s me she’s holding onto, but I don’t think it fully clicked that she probably
shouldn’t be close to me.
“Gone to find Danielle.” Haley waves it off and focuses on
kissing my best friend again. I scrunch up my nose in disgust at the sight.
After almost six years of being together, I’m still not used to it. TJ grabs her
ass in both hands; she squeals on his lips and giggles flirtatiously back at
her fiancé who thinks he can do that in front of his future brother-in-law.
“Stop! TJ, Haley, go get him!” I scold her.
“No, you go get him!” she whines while not taking her eyes off
TJ. I groan and look to Jason for some help, but he’s too busy searching the
refrigerator for some additional food. No wonder why he and Chris are such
good friends, they never stop eating.
“Haley, I’m a little busy right now. Just fucking get them!” I’m
trying to keep Carter upright in case she slides off the countertop and falls
not so graciously onto the hard floor. If I move and let go of her to push
Haley to find them, she will fall and I don’t want that to happen.
I want to keep her in my arms for as long as possible, but I know
she needs to go to sleep. She needs to lie down and rest. She’s mumbling
incoherent things onto my skin. I know she’s not in her right mind. I can
feel her lips on my neck and it makes my hairs stand up and remember the
nights we spent together between the sheets, where I kissed every inch of
her beautiful body.
“Weh, weh, weh!” Haley fake cries as TJ pulls her closer while
laughing. They think this is funny? Carter is wasted and needs to find a bed.
I’m sure Chris won’t mind her crashing here with him and Danielle.
“And that is why Ellie is my favorite,” I say pointedly, knowing
that it would piss her off. “At least she acts her fucking age,” I mutter and
focus back on the girl who I know has fallen asleep on me, muttering things
in her dreams. I can feel my sister’s glare on the back of my head. I know
my little diss got to her. That, and the fact that TJ keeps telling her that he’s
her favorite.
Weak bitch.
I stare down at Sleeping Beauty in my arms and indisputably
decide to go find her a room myself. If nobody wants to help, I’ll do it on
my own.
I lift her off the counter and into my arms. She curls into me as I
carry her out the door with her arms loosely wrapped around my shoulders
to keep herself somewhat upright.
“Where are you going?” TJ probes me, and I crane my neck
around slowly to face him. I don’t want to make any jerking movements to
wake her up.
“I’m taking her up to bed. Seeing as nobody wants to fucking help
me, I’ll do it on my own,” I reply back with a growl and begin my walk
through the very fancy foyer. I see two large staircases on either side go up
to the next floor and climb one of them to find a room for her. I hadn’t
really noticed the interior as I was too preoccupied with Carter’s niece
wanting to be my friend.
Once I reach the top, there are two options: left or right. I huff
harshly as I check each side, both cloaked in darkness, and decide to go left.
As I walk down the dark hallway, I can’t hear anything other than Carter’s
breathing. It is dead silent and I have to feel my way down as my eyes
adjust to the sudden darkness. Carter is sound asleep in my arms, where she
belongs. I miss holding her like this.
I walk down to the first door and listen in to hear any movement.
 Nothing, so I turn the handle; it won’t open. I try the door across
from it and it’s the same. They must lock doors to keep Taylor out. The next
door I try ends up being a gym, which I presume is used by Chris. The one
across from it is a bathroom.
The next one I thought wouldn’t open, but it actually does and I
see a shirtless Chris on top of Danielle in a heated kiss. I curse shut the door
as quickly as I possibly could.
“I’m sorry!” I apologize and blindly stride down the hallway
further but the door behind me swings open and I feel a hand on my
shoulder tugging me back.
“What the fu—” Chris begins but his eyes drop to his sister who is
breathing softly and is wrapped around me. His eyes soften when he sees
her and I totally get why. She’s so beautiful when she sleeps—so delicate.
“I was trying to find a room for her,” I whisper and explain
myself. “She needs to rest.” I point to her and he nods, agreeing with me.
Meeting my eyes, he stares at me for a little while, almost like
he’s reading me—analyzing me. He looks past me and down into the
darkness.
“The second to the last door on this side is free. It’s where she
normally stays. Set her down there and I’ll go and get a shirt on and meet
you down there.” He turns back but not without a second glance at me; one
where his eyes light up with curiosity.
I follow his instructions and take her down to the room he told
me. As I push the handle down, the door opens with relative ease. I proceed
with caution once I know nobody is in here. There is a small light on the
bedside table that’s switched on, so I can see where I’m going. It
illuminates the beige walls with white and baby blue furniture. I would have
never thought that those shades go together, but they do.
There is a large double bed in the center of the room. A floor to
ceiling mirror hangs on the opposite wall. An extravagantly large window
that looks to have a balcony outside is covered by light curtains decorated
with lace on the edges. There are a few pictures hanging at eye level around
the room and a few signed jerseys by old players hang proudly beside it.
The first Steel jersey is hanging on its own with a picture of her father right
above her bed. Giants memorabilia along with the Chargers are on separate
sides of the room. I chuckle at the rivalry that extends even in home decor.
 I lift her up higher in my arms and set her down on the bed. As
she lays still, I admire her for a moment, then decide to slip off her heels
and set them over to the side of the light blue armchair with white stripes
that’s backed against the wall with a small glass table next to it.
I lift her up slightly to peel back the duvet and lay her back down
again. Then I lift her legs up so I can bring the duvet up her body so she’s
comfortable and warm.
She stirs a little, and I can see her eyelashes begin to flutter open
to look intently up at me. I tuck her in and she sighs again, not closing her
eyes again. She just stares at me.
My heart is in two just ogling her. The way she used to look at me
is the way she is currently looking at me, causing my veins to catch fire
with a burst of energy flooding through me. I’m heartbroken to think that I
broke this girl. I broke her down with the stupid and naive choice I made. It
was my mistake.
Her hair had fallen across her forehead and before I knew what I
was doing, I fix it back into place and tuck it behind her ear. The touch of
her skin sets my own on fire. It still affects me.
That’s when her eyes shut close. She leans into my touch and
exhales, like she missed it and was remembering it all again. I am having
flashbacks of holding on to her and cuddling with her in bed. The way her
skin would feel against mine. It was always so cold, and I helped heat her
up. I think she wanted the warmth—my warmth. I trace her lips with my
eyes, missing how I used to kiss them. They still looked the same, inviting,
like the very first time I kissed her.
“Goodnight,” I whisper and take my hand away from her face. I
know I’m overstepping, but damn, I want her back. I want her back in my
life as my woman. Tonight has only amplified how much I need her back,
how much I need to win her heart again and how I need to steal her from . .
. him. I need to prove to her how much I still love her and that I’ve never
stopped. I won’t stop until I have her.
Light breaths puff out from her mouth, letting me know that she
has fallen back to sleep. I know it’s my time to leave her so she can sleep
soundly. I rise back up to my feet after deciding it’s time for me to leave.
As I do, I’m met with her brother standing by the door, watching
me. I look away and continue to leave the room she’s in but I’m blocked by
his meaty frame. I have no choice but to look at him, so I brave it once
more. I stand my ground and stare into his eyes, which are similar to his
sister’s, and he bobs his head. I don’t know why he did that. It was
something I wasn’t expecting. I was anticipating a warning from him, but
that never came.
Moving to the side to let me pass, he moves around me to get
inside and I leave for him to take care of her. I inaudibly wish it was me. I
walk down the way I came up and hurry back to everyone else, who were
talking in the kitchen. Danielle must be still upstairs. I would say she could
be embarrassed by me walking in on her and Chris having a moment, but I
don’t think she realized. Chris, however, did.

* * *

Carter
Dear Miss Carter Steel,
We’re glad to inform you that we’re currently recruiting
new physical therapists for the Los Angeles Charger’s National
Football League Team this year. You have been selected to arrange
an interview if you choose to do so.
Your growing clientele has caught our eye, along with
strong reviews of your aid for past and present athletes that have
visited your clinic.
Our contact details are highlighted below, and we look
forward to hearing from you sometime in the near future.
We would be delighted to make you a part of the team.
Lynn St. James.
Lead Recruitment Agent.

That letter is the only thing I’ve read this morning. Over and over
in my head, I scan the words mindlessly, hoping that it’ll sink in, but I know
it won’t. I’m still standing over my desk and still reading the words that are
in black ink telling me the LA Chargers want to interview me.
This has been my dream.
 My one dream. Not to work for the Chargers, but to work in the
NFL as a physical therapist. I get work in the sport that I absolutely love to
watch and know inside out. It’s the one thing that I’ve wanted, and now it’s
right in front of me; literally and figuratively.
“Knock, knock,” Candice says through the door and leans on it.
The shock on my face still hasn’t worn off and Candice picks up on this
instantly as I sit on my desk with the letter in my hand. I need to sit before I
collapse onto the ground. “Either you’re pregnant or have a ring on that
finger,” she jokes. I snort and stand on my own two feet.
“It’s neither. Here, read this.” I let her come into my office and
hand her the letter. She greedily takes the paper. I watch her eyes roam over
the black ink. As she reads, her eyes become wider and wider until she
starts hopping from foot to foot, laughing.
“What! Are you serious?” she yells as she bounces up and down
beside me. I couldn’t help but laugh at her expression because that’s exactly
what her kids do when they’re excited. We’re both so excited over this
letter.
“It looks legit, right?” I ask her. She opens the paper again to look
at it, then sniffs it and holds it up to the light. I couldn’t stop laughing at her
dramatics. I smack her in the upper arm playfully while we both chuckle at
this news in my office.
“Oh my fucking God! I’m so jealous! So, so jealous. You’ll have
all the hot, sweaty athletes all up on you, girl! You have to put me on the
visitor’s list!” She laughs and hands me back the letter. I store it in my
drawer and lock it. I can’t trust most people who work here. Most of the
people here trample on each other so they can get ahead in life. It only
works for a short amount of time until you start to fall back into your place.
“I haven’t gotten the job yet.” I smile.
“Yet? You going to try then?” she ask and gestures her head
outside the door, signaling we should get going to our morning meeting
with the boss himself. We have a staff meeting for this morning that we
hold every month as well as a quarterly report. I’ve been so busy that I
haven’t had much time to look at any of our progress, but everyone is back
in work. I was planning on doing some work yesterday, but I still had a very
bad hangover with a hint of embarrassment. Actually, a lot of
embarrassment.
 I woke up at Chris and Danielle’s house, mortified and sick as a
dog. Dear God, that had to be the worst I’ve ever felt. I couldn’t move out
of bed until dinner time came around. I was so bad that I stayed at their
house until Sunday. Chris then dropped me home and stayed with me for a
little while until I was feeling a little better. I still haven’t managed to eat a
solid meal without feeling queasy. Ted wasn’t happy that I had canceled on
him when I learned that the football game wasn’t until next Sunday.
I will never drink that much again.
Never.
“What have I got to lose? If I don’t try, I will be kicking myself
for not trying in the future. I could love it if I get it, or I could hate it? I’ll
never know until I give it a shot.” I shrug but start to plan when I will call
the sender to arrange the meeting. I’m determined to get this job. I’d love if
I can get it, but I wouldn’t get upset if I don’t. Only the best is hired, and
being the best comes with a ton of experience, which I will get if I keep
working hard.
“Right! I’m so proud of you!” She hugs me and I wrap my arms
around her too.
“Thanks.” I squeeze her back, tightening my shoulders up in the
process.
“Let’s go before we get into trouble for being late.” She rolls her
eyes and we enter the canteen where everyone has gathered for our meeting.
People are seated sparsely up against the wall with their arms folded over
their chests, and others wander in behind me and Candice as we walk
through the door. We both take our spots near the back of the canteen under
the TV hanging high on the wall. It’s the only room in the building that
allows all of the company’s employees to fit, so we usually have meetings
in here.
Our owner is here today and is ready for the meeting. When he’s
here, it’s not as bad because he’s quick with informing us on what we need
to know, whereas with Dallas, she and Jody would take years to speak and
it usually reverts to their own successes and not others.
So everyone is in good spirits because John McKane has arrived
into the office. For someone who owns many physical therapy clinics, I
admire that he has time to visit them all. When he comes to update us on
performance and to speak about our future targets for the month, quarter,
and year, it’s usually very tense. But that’s needed in this industry.
The loud clap of his hands gathers everyone’s attention instantly.
Silence hangs in the air as we wait for John to speak.
With a beaming smile at everyone, he looks around the room.
Him rolling his hands against each other was a tell-tale sign of one thing
and one thing only: he’s a happy man.
“Thank you all for joining me today. I will make this brief so you
all can carry on working. I know some of you are swamped with clients
these days, and I appreciate the hard work you all put into this practice. I’ve
gathered you here for a quick update on the company. I’m planning on
opening a new office in Santa Barbara next year.” He opens the meeting
with a very surprising announcement. “The money this office has brought in
for the last three years has allowed me to do it. We are currently renovating
it at the moment and are building it from the ground up. If anyone lives in
that area and would like to switch when it opens, you’re welcome to do so.
Dallas, Cassandra, and I will be holding interviews for people in three
months’ time, so if you have anyone you know looking for some work and
you trust, tell them to apply.”
I knew we were doing very well, but I didn’t realize we were
doing well enough to open another clinic. That sounds very exciting for the
business. “As you have guessed by now, we made a huge amount this year.
It’s our best year to date, and I’m so amazed by the work you all put in
every day! Keep up the good work! As a reward, each one of you will get a
Christmas bonus this year.” That’s when the chatter picks back up.
Everyone is stunned by the generosity from him. He rarely gives them out
at all; unless you bring in a huge clientele, then he’ll consider it, but rarely
will he actually give it.
Effectively, this has us all surprised. This is a very good Monday
for us all.
We get shushed by Dallas and Jody for talking too loudly. I had to
stop the eye roll that was going to happen. Jody thinks she’s the manager of
everyone and that she’s on the same level as Dallas, who actually is our
manager. Jody is on the same level as the rest of us, and I have more daily
clients than she does. She barely works at all. She’s always painting her
nails, or fixing her makeup, or going out shopping.
 “I hope you all continue to work hard. If you ever need anything
or need to talk to me about anything, just pick up the phone and give me a
call. I may not be physically around to help you but I will try,” John ends on
that quick note. I debate on whether to pull him aside and let him know
about the letter I received today, but I quickly decide against it and keep it
between me and Candice for now. If I get offered the position, I’ll talk to
him about it.
“Thank you so much John for those kind words. Amazing
achievement, team. Keep up the good work.” Dallas claps John out the door
while complementing us.
“Good job, guys!” Jody chimes in, and everyone couldn’t hold in
the eye roll. We were waiting for her to speak up. She always has to have
the very last word in everything.
As we all walk back to the main waiting area, I get pulled back to
the side. Seeing Jody’s claws in my arm, I shake myself out of her grip to
stop them from sinking further into me.
“Yes, Jody?” I ask her. She straightens up and releases her grip on
me just as our manager walked by.
“I just wanted to thank you so much for talking my clients last
week, Carter. You really didn’t have to, I appreciate the work you did for
me.” Her eyes follow Dallas, who is behind me, until she’s out of hearing
range. “So, I see Ms. Capri wants to keep you for good. The old bag isn’t
even worth the money,” Jody comments and stares at her nail polish. She
loves to bitch about her clients while I don’t even bother entertaining her. I
liked Ms. Capri. The difference is, I have patience while Jody doesn’t.
“She’s thirty-four, Jody. She’s not old,” I reply and she shrugs.
“That’s old, Carter,” she points out but then stops herself. She
stares at me in a complete daze, then squints her eyes into slits like she’s
thinking about something. “Isn’t your name supposed to a boy’s name?” she
asks randomly, confusing me. Still staying on the spot and thinking about
what she just asked, she spins around on her heel and calls over her
shoulder back at me, “Keep the old bag, I don’t want her anymore.” She
waves me off like she’s giving me her hand-me-downs.
I stand there completely confused as to what the hell just
happened. What was that all about?
 She’s never commented on my name or on me before. I’ve never
given her a reason to. I stay out of her way all of the time, so I don’t
understand where this sudden judgmental question is coming from.
I breathe forcefully and make my way back to my office to check
who and when my first client is coming in to see me.
“Mr. Daniels,” I mumble reading off the screen on my computer. I
seat myself and push back to roll to the cabinet behind me to find his file so
I can read up on what I assigned him to do last time he was here and to
check and see if he has done it and done it correctly. I don’t like to give
instructions to some of my clients, but sometimes, you have to drill it into
them in order for them to do it correctly. It’s their health after all, and
they’re paying good money for my help.
In a flash of time, my calendar sends me a reminder that he should
be arriving any minute now. I set up the bed with some tissue paper and
spray my room with a hint of lavender.
I open my door and walk into the reception area and over to
Sydney, who is sitting behind the desk. “Hey, Syd, has Mr. Daniels arrived
yet?” I ask her as each person that walks in must check in for health and
safety reasons, just in case.
She scans the clipboard in front of her as I scan the waiting room
briefly. “Yes, he’s here alright. He might be sitting behind the pillar.” She
points in a direction of one of the blind spots in the room. As I make my
way around her desk and over to where he might be sitting, I see him
reading a newspaper intently. He doesn’t even hear me approach him.
“Mr. Daniels,” I greet him and he sets the paper down as he lifts
his eyes to meet mine. With a smile and a nod, he stands up to join me. “If
you could just follow me, we can get started.” I nod over to my door and he
walks alongside me.
“Thank you. How are you?” he makes small talk. He’s generally a
quiet man but I do like helping him out.
“I’m very well, and you? How is your wife?” His wife has been in
and out of hospital recently. They aren’t young people. He came home from
a session with me to find her lying at the bottom of the stairs. He thinks she
tripped and fell down. I felt terrible for him when he had called me to
cancel our next session. I understood completely but still asked him to keep
doing his exercises while he visited her.
 His wife came back with a slipped disc and a ton of bruises on her
pale skin. He would call me sometimes to keep me up to date with his
progress as well as hers, which I thought was very sweet of him.
“Oh, she’s doing much better now. The doctors said she’ll be out
in less than three weeks, which is very good to hear. I miss her dearly.” He
smiles sorrowfully at me while I tap on the bed for him to sit up so I can
begin.
“That’s very good to hear. Now, you have to look after her; she
needs all the help she can get.” I wink at him while he gets comfortable
sitting on the edge of the bed with his legs dangling freely.
“Oh, I will, my daughter Chrissy said she’d come to stay with us
for the month after she comes home in case anything happens to either of
us. Chrissy is very good like that. You remind me of her, come to think of
it,” he complements me. I smile back at him and thank him. He has shown
me pictures of his daughters and their kids, naming each one of them off
and what they’re like. He used to tell me some wild stories about his
children when they were younger and the all the mischievous tales that
came with taking care of them.
As we begin the scheduled session, I get him to talk about Mrs.
Daniels for the duration because that’s what he seems to want to talk about.
He talks about how they met even though I’ve already heard it from her
whenever she comes in with him to see me for the quick session on his hip,
then he tells me about how they both go for a small walk along the beach
together afterwards.
“You did a good job today. I’m happy with your progress. You’ve
been doing what I’ve asked of you and I’m happy, Mr. Daniels. You don’t
need to see me for a little while if you keep doing the exercises. What I
want you to do next is go for a walk on the beach once a week and then
increase it to two, alright? I’ll see you in three weeks’ time to check up on
you. Is that alright?” I ask him and he sends me two thumbs up.
“Provided Eleonora is alright,” he reminds me and I nod,
understanding that if he wants to change it, he can. I have no problem with
it. All he has to do is call up the clinic and we can sort that out for him.
I see him out and wave him goodbye, making sure he gets into the
car easily. As soon as he drives off, I’m back in my office to check who I
have next. I’m booked out until lunchtime, then I have a break after lunch
too.
Lunchtime came around fast, and my stomach was dying for a
good meal. I was in need of one. It did nothing but growl the entire time.
As I made my way into the kitchen to heat up what I made the
night before in the microwave, there were a lot of people coming in to do
the same.
Someone switches on the TV for some background noise. Music
blares throughout the kitchen because of a commercial and a few of the
women stopped to look at it.
“Dear Lord, did you see that sexy new Chargers quarterback?
That man is too fine for his own good,” Candice comments and I snap my
head around to see Nick’s face, but when the beat kicks in, it zooms out to
his naked torso with multiple women’s hands and arms draped over his
body. I guess he’s sponsored by Armani now. Judging by how this is a
cologne commercial, I can tell that he is.
He’s still got it. There’s not one thing about him that has changed.
It’s hard to make out his body with the arms covering him and wanting a
piece of him. I feel a sting in my heart when I stare at him. That jawline is
still razor sharp as it contrasts the black background. The woman draped
over him, wanting a part of him, is not surprising but I can’t help but feel
peeved just seeing it. That smirk etched finely on his face makes him look
so sexy, he has the women in the office panting and picking their underwear
off the floor.
I could feel my stomach tighten just by looking at him. His eyes
connect with mine through the TV and I try not to gasp. Then I remind
myself that he’s looking at other women and making them feel this way,
too, and that I’m also not single.
I’m taken. I have no right to feel this way.
“Um, excuse me for interrupting, guys and gals. Carter, you have
someone here to see you.” I spin around on my heel, begrudgingly tearing
my eyes away from my gorgeous ex-boyfriend to meet none other than my
gorgeous ex-boyfriend standing in the doorway of our canteen. His eyes
flick to the screen behind me and he sends us a tight smile, knowing that the
girls are admiring him as we speak. Once he realizes that he’s on the screen,
he looks away and tried to find me.
 “Oh my God! That’s you!” Clare, the newest hire in the company,
squeals in disbelief. She’s having a fangirl moment with him, and I can’t
fault her for that because the entire canteen is immobile as soon as he walks
in, including me.
“Uh, yeah. Carter, can I speak with you for a second?” He
gestures his head out the door and I follow him. I know I have to answer a
lot of questions. As we walk down the hallway with Dallas behind us, I’m
looking at my feet moving at a quick pace. Dallas excuses herself when she
hears her phone calling for her. She’s always on the go and barely has time
for lunch, so she usually eats in her office. Unless it’s Friday, then she and
Jody go out for lunch.
“Come back for seconds, Nick?” a voice seductively asks him
from the office opposite mine just as we are about to go in.
Jody is standing there with her bag ready to leave for lunch but
then she drops it on the floor and starts flirting with Nick with lust in her
eyes. They know each other? How?
“Shit,” he curses beside me. I turn my attention towards him to
look for an explanation. He’s staring back at me, and I can’t tear my eyes
away from those beautiful hunter-green eyes of his. There’s a guilt-stricken
look filling them and I couldn’t help but wonder what is happening.
“You two know each other?” I ask him. He squeezes his eyes
instantly and runs his hand down his face, inhaling severely; a tell-tale sign
that he doesn’t want to talk about it.
“Yeah, we slept together on the flight back here. It was a bumpy
one, right, Nick?” She strides confidently across the hallway to us and I
nearly step in front of Nick to stop her from touching him, but I have no
right. We’re not together anymore. He’s a free man, he can do what he
wants. And he already did.
“Stop. Talking. Julie.” He gets her name wrong. I don’t know if it
was on purpose to annoy her or he legitimately doesn’t remember her name,
because she’s fuming right now.
“It’s Jody, you asshole. And how do you two know each other
anyway!” She stands directly in front of him, flicking her eyes to me. She
trails her eyes on my figure in a condescending manner to make me feel
small. I could see the fire brewing behind her dark eyes, and I that pray
Nick didn’t tell her.
 “That’s none of—” I try to say but Nick shut us both up.
“We dated in college,” Nick interrupts me. I sigh and move back
away from her. They slept together?
I have no right to feel like this. Yet, why do I feel so . . . jealous?
I can’t help my emotions. No matter how hard I try to deny it, I’m
still stupidly crazy about him. However, he’s clearly not crazy about me.
Jody laughs loudly in my office, gaining a few onlookers’
attention. People poke their heads out of the canteen to watch an episode of
“90210” unfold before their very eyes.
“Yeah, right!” She continues to laugh while I shrink to the size of
an ant. Nobody ever believes that Nick and I dated in college. I knew we
were an unlikely couple, but we were still a couple. It hurts whenever
someone laughs about the fact that we were once an item.
They all laugh at why he would choose me.
Then she stops instantly. Her face drops as she thinks of
something, and I furrow my brows at her, wondering what is going through
her head. She stares at me for the longest time and then flicks her attention
back to Nick. Then back to me, then to Nick, then back to me. Something is
piecing together in her mind, and I’m not sure what it is. Does she want
another round with him?
What she does next shocks me and our manager, who came out of
her office just in time. Her heels catch my attention but the loud smack
occupies my hearing. Jody screeches loudly and slaps Nick across the face,
causing me to gasp and cover my mouth.
“Jody!” our manager yells and stomps back down to us.
“That’s the Carter! THAT’S HER! Are you fucking serious!” she
screeches. Now I’m completely lost. She steps into my space, intimidating
me intensely, so I step back a little to get some air.
What does she mean by “The Carter”? I wanted to ask, but I
’don’t need to because Jody answers my question.
“You’re an asshole, Nick! You fucked me but thought of her the
whole time, didn’t you?” I gasp and turn my head to face him. He shuts his
eyes again. “Didn’t you!” She pushes him.
You would swear that he cheated on her’. Jody is used to getting
her way, hence the big blow out, but I didn’t think she’d throw this big of a
tantrum.
 They’re not dating, thank god.
I knew Nick was single and he can do what he wants, but I can’t
lie and say that it doesn’t hurt hearing him going back to his old ways. I
wasn’t expecting him to stop sleeping with girls completely, but I’ve heard
of rumors in the NFL of him sleeping around like he used to before we met.
He’s slipped back into the old player routine.
“Get into my office. Now!” Dallas orders Jody, but first, she has
to apologize to Nick for her outburst. Once she finishes apologizing, she
pushes a glaring Jody into her office and comes back up to talk to him. “I
hope this won’t cause a conflict in our services. Carter is one of the best on
our team. You chose the right one to help you.” She smiles at him, trying to
smooth over what just happened. “I’m so terribly sorry, Mr. Jackson. It
won’t happen again, I can promise you that.” She shuffles back down to her
office to keep the demon in her cage.
I’m still in shock, and so is Nick but he nods anyway.
He slept with her? Her of all fucking people in his entire state? Is
he—
Why are you mad? I thought you were over him, my subconscious
teases me.
I am over him, I tell myself.
Removing ourselves from the hallway, we enter my office and I
lean back on the closed door, thinking about what just transpired.
He’s the guy she slept with on the plane journey home. He’s the
athlete.
I ’didn’t notice that he was staring at me while I thought about all
of this in my head. He clears his throat, and I flick my eyes to the noise. We
just stare at one another for an extended period of time. All I want to do is
run and be alone, but I have to work. I need to work.
I straighten my shoulders and turn my work mode on once again.
“What can I help you with today?” I fold my arms over my chest
and stand as tall as I could, trying to forget the fact that he just slept with a
colleague of mine.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, Carter. I didn’t know
she worked here,” he begins his apology but I don’t need one. We’re not
together.
 “What can I help you with today?” I repeat myself with a little
more of a bite in my tone. I felt a chill from my own words. I’ve never been
like this before with someone, let alone a client.
“My shoulder.” He drops it and I nod.
“Sit on the bed,” I order him and he follows. get my tray of tape
ready to strap him up in case he needs it. I push it over to where he’s sitting
and ask, “Do you have a shirt on underneath?” He nods in response. “Can
you take off your top?” I instruct him. I need to feel his muscles to see
what’s going on with him. I would usually tell someone to remove their
shirt too, but I’m not sure I can handle seeing him like that; not after that
commercial.
He peels away his tight, fitting top to reveal his white shirt
underneath. I lift his sleeve and feel his skin. I start having flashbacks of us
in between the sheets on his old bed haunting my mind right now. The way
he ground his hips into me with our heat mixing together.
I had to take my hands off him for a moment to regain my focus.
“Are you alright?” He turns his head towards me, inspecting my
face. The truth is, I’m not. I’m the furthest thing from alright. My stomach
is in knots. I’m so nervous being around him. I nod anyway and place my
hands on him again.
I roll back the sleeve of his shirt to get a better look at it. No
visible bruising, and everything looks to be in place.
“I need you to lift your arm up for me.” I tap his arm and he does
as he’s told. I press my fingers into his skin to feel for something unusual or
out of place internally. His muscles are tense because he has his arms lifted
up, but they’re a little too tense. “I need you to relax, Nick,” I ask him.
“Take a deep breath in and hold it for three seconds.” He does what I say
and holds it in. “Good, now release it for me.” And he does again. His body
relaxes but his muscles are still tense. “Do it again.” I instruct him once
more and he does it again.
The tension has reduced but it’s still there.
“You’re too tense,” I tell him and he chuckles.
“I think we both know why.” He sucks in a breath and looks away
from me. I recognize that, that was another moment that he should have
kept inside his mind but he didn’t.
“Why?” I ask.
 “It doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head and goes for another deep
breath to carry out the routine again.
“No, tell me why you’re so tense. Maybe I could help. Is it Jody?
She won’t come in,” I keep asking him, and he slowly but surely turns his
head around to look at me once more. That look he’s giving me is making
my heart beat erratically.
He shakes his head from side to side before he opens his mouth to
say, “The only way you could help is to . . .” He pauses for a moment and
squeezes his eyes shut. “Not be around me.” I take my hands off him as
soon as he mentions that and step back.
“Then why did you come here?” I ask him, irritated and hurt by
his words. I was already embarrassed about the weekend, and now he
doesn’t want to be around me?
Why is he here? Is this a joke to him?
“Your team has a very capable physical therapist that you can use
and won’t make you so tense, Nick. Use them if ’you want, it’s free of
charge and one of the best in the country. I don’t know why you even
bothered to come here unless it was to see your fuck buddy in the next
room.” I push my trolley away that I was going to use to help him out with.
I had the straps cut and ready to go since the appointment before lunch got
canceled at a short notice. I took another person instead.
“Because I want the best. That’s why I came here, you’re the best
at this, and I trust you.” He leaps off the bed and follows me. “It came out
wrong, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You make me so nervous,” he
blurts out. It looks like he shouldn’t have, but he changes the topic again. “I
just—I don’t know the physical therapists who work for the team. I know
you—” I cut him off and stare back at him over my desk.
“No, you don’t. I’m completely different. I’m not the same
pushover I once was—”
“I never thought of you as a pushover, Carter.” He sighs and runs
his hands through his hair but winces a little in pain. This makes me rush to
his side and touch his shoulder again.
“Sit down,” I order him again. He retakes his position on the bed
and waits patiently for me to attend to him. “Can you do that again?” I ask
him to run his hand through his hair once again and he does, giving me the
same reaction. I dig my fingers to the spot I think that’s hurting him the
most, and he curses under his breath then later apologizes for it. “Pull your
arm back like this. Slowly,” I order him and guide his arm back. He bites on
his lower lip, making my mind go into overdrive. I pull myself back before
I lose my thoughts completely. This is harder than I thought.
“I can’t feel anything. Lift it back down then bend your elbow at
ninety degrees for me. Keep that elbow as close to your side as you can.
This might hurt a little again, but I’m going to push my hand against yours
and you’re going to push back, okay?” I instruct him on how to do the
resistance test and hope I can get something from it. He should be resting
from now until the next game. There isn’t much time but he should be
alright to play by that point. He may feel some pain but if someone straps
him up correctly, it will be minimized.
As I push against his hand, I feel our fingers intertwine with one
another as he does the same. My breath gets stuck in my throat as I miss the
feeling of him holding my hand. His callous hands in mine makes mine
seem smaller than they actually are. I quickly put my hand flat against his
again and push to carry on with my work, slowly increasing the resistance
to take my mind off what just happened. It happens too easily between us.
His face scrunches up in some pain but not enough for him to be
completely uncomfortable. I ’most likely know what is going on with him.
“I think you might have rotator cuff tendinitis. I’ll give you a list
of exercises you can do to help it. I’m assuming it comes and goes a lot,” I
inform him as I move over to my computer to print him the exercises.
“Yeah, this time is very sore though,” he confesses and I nod,
knowing how painful it can be.
“You should really get a second opinion from your team therapist.
They might have better exercises to give you instead with the equipment in
the gym they have. I don’t know what they have to offer.” He shakes his
head as I wait for the sheets to print.
“I prefer you. As I said, I trust you,” he repeats himself. I can feel
my cheeks starting to blush, making him smile. I remember him relishing in
the fact that he could make me do that. He had that power over me.
“If it gets worse, you need to get an MRI scan, but these should
help.” I lift the sheets off the printer and hand them over. He skims through
them. “Try to avoid reaching overhead and lifting heavy things for the next
three weeks. I know you have a game coming up, but you need to rest it
until then.” I got the date mixed up for their home game, I thought it was
yesterday when in fact it’s next Sunday. “Don’t use any slings, it’ll only
make things worse. Use an ice pack to reduce the inflammation, get a light
massage if you want. Stretch it every so often to prevent stiffness and
please, please, for the love of God, do these exercises.” I place my two
hands together, telling him he needs to stick to these or it won’t help him in
the long run.
He smirks and chuckles back, staring down at the pictures of the
cartoons carrying out the exercises he’s supposed to do. “I promise I will.”
He puts them away and smiles down at me, making my heart leap into my
mouth. I step away, afraid of what I might do. He might trust me, but I don’t
trust myself. Not when he’s around.
“Okay, well, is that everything?” I ask and walk near the door to
open once I see him nod. He gathers his phone and the shirt he took off so I
could see his shoulder a little better and slings it over his other shoulder.
He follows me out the door as I walk him out to the reception
area. I spin around quickly, ’not realizing how close he was to me. I can see
some of my colleagues hovering around, wanting to see him again. I am
about to turn my head and wave them off for gawking at him. It’s like
they’re kids in school and want to see the new kid. He’s just a client. He’s
also Nick ’ackson, Carter.
But I am stopped by the softness of his lips on my cheek. A harsh
pulse rips through my entire body as I stand stock still. I can feel my traitor
of a body leaning in for more until he pulls back. “Thanks, Carter.” He
smiles, biting on his lower lip. I had to wipe my mind of the sinful thoughts
that I was envisioning with his lips.
Pull yourself together, Carter.
“No problem . . .” My voice is weak.
“Could I book another time with you while I’m here?” he asks
and I nod, pushing myself away and nearly stumbling over the Sydney’s
chair. I didn’t want to look up and see if he saw that, but I could feel the
heat radiating off my cheeks as I wave the mouse over the screen and click
on the appointment calendar. “When would you recommend?” he asks and I
flick through my schedule that she has access to.
“Um, three weeks from now? At twelve?” I offer as I stare up at
him leaning over the desk with his bulging arms showcasing his strength
and athleticism. He confirms that the time and date is fine.
“Perfect. I’ll see you then! You have the same number right?” he
asks and I clear my throat out of habit and confirm that I still have the same
number I used back in college. I could see the hint of hurt in his eyes when
I confirmed that I still used my same number, the one he used to send texts
to me with when he dumped me.
He knows I purposely ignored him, but I was hurting and he needs
to understand that. I still am, and I know I shouldn’t be.
Nodding once more, he waves to the woman eavesdropping in the
hallway with Ross hovering too for some eye candy. “Bye.” He smiles at
them and Dallas, my manager. Each of them wave him off with hearts in
their eyes.
I stand up, ready to leave the reception area and fix myself as I
watch him leave. I run my hands along my thighs to stop them from
sweating so much. He stops when he opens the door and turns back to face
me.
“Bye, little one!” He leaves on that, and I stop breathing.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
She’s The One That Got Away

Carter
There’s nothing quite like going to a birthday party full of
screaming little beasts that are pulling on you and dragging you in all
directions. Nothing quite like it if you ask me. I love kids, but dear God,
these kids have me driven mad with their high-pitched squeals and
tantrums. I now understand why the parents were glad and in a rush to leave
their kids at the house.
They did not want to deal with this chaos.
“Remind me why you wanted to come here?” Ted jokes while
observing the little children running around with water balloons in their
hands outside and yelling at one another that they’re faster. Danielle warned
them that they couldn’t come into the house unless they were bone dry.
Which means, they have to stay outside.
“It’s my niece’s birthday, Ted.” I smack him on the arm playfully.
“Be nice,” I tease him and he leans in to kiss me on my lips.
“I’m always nice.” He grins and squeezes one of my butt cheeks. I
giggle and bury my face into the crook of his neck, embarrassed that
someone might have seen us, especially the kids. He squeezes it again and I
pull back, laughing.
“Stop it! There are kids around!” I swat his hands away from that
area as I return to the oven to check on the food Danielle has cooked for the
little munchkins running around and causing havoc.
“We could disappear upstairs?” he offers but my brother kills that
idea in an instant.
“You won’t be going anywhere near upstairs.” Chris still hasn’t
really warmed up to Ted. They’re not each other’s cup of tea, and that’s
fine. I’ve learned to live with that and so has Ted. They’re civil with one
another. I know they’ll never be each other’s best friends.
The rest of the boys in my family bite their tongues. They know
what they want to say will upset me. Only my mom likes him, but my mom
likes everyone.
All that matters is that I like him, and I do.
“Daddy!” Taylor screams at her gigantic father standing in their
massive kitchen that was recently completed. The finishings are truly
beautiful; white marble with dark-black oak cabinets. Not one, but two
touch screen refrigerators because my brother does eat that much. All the
domestic gadgets that you can imagine are inside most of those cabinets
with the largest pantry I’ve quite possible ever seen, and I’ve seen a few.
Top of the range for everything in this house, courtesy of my best friend.
The only thing ’Danielle is missing is a ring on her finger, and
boy, has she been trying to get my brother down on one knee, but he likes
things the way they are. He’s comfortable; a little too comfortable.
In the words of Chris, “Why do I need a piece of paper to show
someone that I love them?” I can assure you, it made a few women melt
when he said that on TV. Some were heartbroken that he gladly took
himself off the market when those words slipped out, followed by an
announcement to tell the world that he knocked up Danielle too.
That story was a little more controversial thanks to him and his
big fat mouth, but he did it for her and to stop the crap the media were
writing about her. He put it all to an end in an instant, both the women
chasing him and trying to bag him as a boyfriend and the rumors that were
growing day by day. As soon as Taylor was born, nothing mattered to him
other than his family. He was ready to be a father and he knew it.
“There’s my birthday princess!” He lifts her up easily into his
arms to give her a loving kiss on her forehead. I have to admit, Chris is an
amazing dad to her, and I know he’s dying to have another one. Danielle
promised him another later down the line, but right now, they’re getting the
hang of having a diva for a daughter.
“Mommy got me a princess cake. It’s pink and yellow with stars
and flowers on it!” She points at the cake still in its white box sitting over
on the table Danielle had set up outside for the kids to have some snacks
while they play in the water. At the moment, it remains inside, waiting to be
piled up with the other treats for them and for the guys to lift outside for
her. “I got a new swimsuit, too, do you like it?” she asks him, and I could
see him starting to melt at his own child. I love watching them interact with
each other because it’s truly the sweetest thing.
“You look so beautiful, princess. You wanna show aunt Carter
how it’s done in the pool?” he teases me and I stick my tongue out at him,
making her squeal in laughter.
I’m a nervous swimmer; always been one. The water makes me
nervous. Ever since that night in college, it’s made it worse. I hate
swimming because of it. I panic in the water.
“Yay! Are you coming swimming with me?” she yells and leans
forward in her dad’s arms, nearly wriggling herself out of his hold.
I shake my head and watch her pout, her cute bubbly lip
protruding for dramatic effect. ’That’s not going to work on me, sweetheart.
“Why! We can swim together. You can have my floaters and hold
my hand!” She claps but I still shake my head.
“She’ll be in later, sweetheart.” He kisses her head and promises
her. I tilt my head to the side and glare at him for promising that to her.
Now she will keep hassling me about it.
Like her mother, she’s stubborn.
Chris sets her back down on her feet and she models her swimsuit
for us. Pink with yellow polka dots and a peplum frill wrapping around her
tiny waist. Modeling in her finest, I couldn’t help but laugh at her as she
strikes a pose like her dad taught her to do. It’s exactly what her dad would
do. She loves being the center of attention.
“Go out and show aunt Carter how to swim.” He slides the door
open for her and we all watch her run and play with her friends. Taking one
of the little girl’s hands, they both walk down the steps to the pool and sink
into the water while holding onto the side bar for stability and balance. I
know if she was about to go under, Chris would be out there like a rocket.
“Is Dad on his way?” I ask while watching the little princess show
me how she swims. It’s all very adorable, and I can’t stop watching her kick
her legs as she giggles hysterically in the pool with the others.
“Yeah, he’s at the gates now. Mom texted me, saying they had to
clear it with security first. They recognized Austin but not them. It’s been a
while since they’ve come here. We usually go to New York to see them, you
know?” He watches his little girl mess around in the pool with the largest
grin on her face. He has the same look my dad has with me. He’s in love
with that little blessing out there in the water.
I couldn’t help but lean my head against his bicep as he chuckles
at Taylor splashing the other kids floating in the pool.
He put that smile on her face like he always does. She thinks the
world of her dad, just like how I think the world of mine.
“Where’s the little birthday girl?” A booming voice I haven’t
heard in a while echoes through the house, and I spin around to face Ted,
who stares wide eyed out the double doors where the kids are playing.
Ted is terrified of my dad, and it’s too funny to watch them
interact. My dad just stares at Ted in confusion because he rambles
nervously nonstop until someone snaps him out of it. My dad is quite a
scary guy, I know that, but he tries to dampen down his opinions when Ted
is around.
“You didn’t tell me your family was coming,” he whispers beside
me and I smirk back at him. “Carter!” he groans as I push past him to see
both of my parents who just entered into the house with my oldest brother.
My dad is the first to enter the kitchen with bags of gifts for his
first grandchild. He spoils her rotten for her birthday every year. He’s just
excited to have another girl carrying the Steel blood. Once he spots me, he
dons a huge grin and sets the bags down so he can squeeze me into one of
his famous hugs. Once his arms wrap around me, I sink into his hold and
kiss his cheek.
“Hi, Dad!” I greet him as he lifts me up to shake me around like a
rag doll, making me burst out laughing.
“Hi, baby girl!” He kisses my head and sets me back down on my
feet. No matter what age I am, I will always be his baby girl. “You look
more beautiful every time I see you. There’s something in the air out here,
I’m telling you,” he jokes, taking me in and holding both of my hands.
“Maybe your mother needs to spend some time out here?” he teases her and
I watch my mom roll her eyes at him, like she always does. My parents are
still going strong’. Even though he’s aging a bit, some girls who are into
silver foxes flirt with him from time to time. Even then, my dad only has
eyes for one woman, and that’s my mom.
 “I’m so happy to see you, Dad. I’ve missed you.” I pull him back
into another hug that I so badly missed. I’ve missed him. It’s been so long,
we’ve both been so busy and it’s been hard to make time for one another.
“I’ve missed you too,” he whispers and squeezes me one last time
before greeting my brother. I shift to the side and hug my oldest brother as a
greeting and then finally my mom, who I haven’t seen in forever.
“Hey, Mom!” I greet her and she twists me from side to side.
“Hi, sweetie!” she beams as we pull away. “Hi, Ted!” She waves
at him as he stands awkwardly in the kitchen. I roll my eyes and snort at my
boys all playing around with each other. Chris has my dad in a headlock
with him tapping out for some release and air.
“I’m old now, you’ll break my neck with any more pressure, son!”
My dad chuckles lowly with his deep voice and his head to the side over my
brother’s stomach. “Can’t have you breaking your old man in half now, can
we? I need this pretty face for the cover shots.” He winks, making Chris
laugh and allowing my dad to escape from his grip. Dad shifts beside him
and fixes himself once again, making himself look presentable. Looking
around the room, he hears a few high-pitched giggles. He knows where the
fun is at; ’outside.
When he spots Taylor playing amongst the mass of small bodies,
he knocks on the window to get her attention. Once she sees him, she
screams and rushes out of the pool dripping wet.
“Grandpa! Grandpa!” She runs as fast as her little feet can go.
Chris warns her to slow down or she’ll slip. I could visualize it, too, so I
flinch a little as I watch her race towards her grandfather, waving and
panting as she closes the distance between the two of them.
“There she is! There she is!” He holds both arms open for her as
her drenched self makes her way over to her grandfather who fell in love
with her ever since he found out that Chris’ baby was a she.
Once she reaches him, she smothers him as best as she could with
a hug and a kiss. “Happy birthday, sweetheart. It’s good to see you too!”
My dad squeezes her tight like he used to do with me as a kid. The man
loves hard and he won’t change.
Just like the day she was born, he disintegrates at the sight of this
little blessing in our family. Even though my dad has a crazy busy schedule,
he always makes time for her.
 “What did you get me?” She peers up at her grandfather, who
rolls his head back and laughs at her.
“Taylor!” Danielle bursts in through the door with a few beach
towels in her hands.
“You’re just like your grandfather, sweetheart, aren’t you? No
messing around and straight down to business!” My mom giggles. Taylor’s
face lights up upon seeing her and wiggles her arms out towards her for
some love. My mom lifts her out of my dad’s arms and sets her down on the
tiled floor while she’s still dripping wet’.
My dad had an open wet patch on one side of his body because he
was hugging her and it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He got his love
from her, so he’s a happy man.
“Taylor, what did I tell you about coming into the house wet? It’s
dangerous, honey, you can’t be doing that!” Danielle crouches down with a
towel to dab her dry. She huffs and puffs and glares at her partner, also
known as my brother, who holds sympathetic yet guilt-stricken eyes. It
doesn’t stop her from shooting daggers at him.
She seems very stressed.
“I’m sorry,” Taylor whispers tenderly, looking down at her feet
and feeling remorseful about knowing this rule yet still coming in. Her
mom sighs and pulls her in for a hug and kiss.
“It’s okay, it’s your birthday, right? Just . . . when you do want to
come in, take a towel next time or wait for Mommy or Daddy, okay? I don’t
want you or your friends to slip and hurt themselves,” she coos in her ear. I
always knew Danielle would be an amazing mother ever since I found out
she was pregnant. I was happy for her, and she was ecstatic about having a
child even if she was still really young at the time. It didn’t stop her from
loving Taylor and my brother.
Taylor reaches up to hold her hand and I feel my heart clench.
“I’m blaming you for getting her so excited, Roger!” She points at my dad
knowingly. He shoots his hands up in surrender, making his granddaughter
laugh at him. Danielle reaches in to hug him and my mom. My dad has all
the time in the world for Danielle. It wasn’t always smooth sailing but
everything has worked out for the better.
Chris now knows how to wear protection.
 “Do you want to show everyone your cake?” she asks her mini-
Danielle and Taylor nods rapidly, stretching her hand to point in the
direction of the sugary goodness set on the princess themed table.
Danielle and my brother really spoil her sometimes, but I know
it’s out of love for her. It’s their first and only child so far, so they can’t help
it.
Our family is closer than ever due to this little girl. We were never
miles apart, even though we technically were. We’re a strong family, and
we’ve always been there for each other.
As we all walk over to the table, the other kids come in, dripping
wet as well. I grab the towels off the counter to hand it to them one by one.
They all thank me as I escort them over to the table, pushing all the adults
back so they can get in and see the cake too.
Little children have an amazing spark to them. I sometimes have
them coming into the office after a bad accident and I love it when they
visit. The whole office lights up. They’re bundles of joy, and I can’t wait to
have my own someday.
As Taylor talks about how she chose the colors, the cake being
pink and yellow since those are her favorite, four more people enter the
kitchen, laughing and playing around, which attracts everyone’s attention.
There is only one person my eyes shoot straight to. He’s dressed
in a plain white t-shirt and ripped dark grey jeans, showing off his
incredibly muscular physique. I can feel myself taking in a deep breath
when he catches my eyes. It’s just like college, as soon as he enters a room,
he grabs everyone’s attention.
My father hovers next to me, and I feel a huff of air leave his
mouth upon seeing my ex-boyfriend arriving into the house. I know my dad
still harbors some dislike for Nick. He was’ not a ball of joy when he
dumped me. He hated seeing me so distraught about him breaking it off
with me. I was a mess, and my dad pieced me back together, little by little,
and I will forever be grateful for my hero.
I avert my eyes from Nick to face my father and tap his chest,
telling him to look at me. I send him pleading eyes to not go there today and
he furrows his brows. I know he’s not happy that I don’t want him to talk to
him. “Not today, Dad . . .” I beg him serenely so it can only be heard
between the two of us. My dad lets it drop with a simple head nod but he’s
still tense; I can feel it.
“My friend! My friend!” Taylor jumps down from her mother’s
arms and shoots over to greet Haley and TJ first by hugging them before
she gets to Jason Greengate and hugs him. What surprises me is when Nick
crouches down to her level and she smiles at him. Her face turns red, and I
couldn’t help but grin lightly at their interaction. She’s blushing at him. As
soon as he picks up on it, his eyes shoot over to mine.
I have the same reaction.
I could feel my cheeks heating up with embarrassment. I hated
that my body still reacts to him like that, like it’s betraying me.
I flick my attention away from him and look to someone else for
safety. My mom. But she’s already staring back at me, squinting her eyes
with a hint of a smile on her lips. That has me looking away from her too.
She’s trying to read me, but I refuse to let her, or anyone else for that matter.
Everyone is watching Taylor and Nick interact, but I’m watching
the little kids raid the table full of snacks and sugar.
“Don’t you look pretty in your swimsuit?” Nick says softly. I
didn’t want to gawk at him, but his tone makes me face him again. The way
he spoke lures me back.
“Thank you.” Taylor matches his tenor, and it has shocked me that
she likes him so much so soon. Taylor won’t approach you initially. If she
warms up to you, and that takes a long time, she will open up but it looks
like that rule was excused for Nick, her new friend.
“I got you a little something for your birthday, do you want to
have a look at it?” he asks her. I can literally feel my heart dissolving inside
of me with my body acting hypersensitive to his voice. He’s so good with
kids; he always has been, even with his sister Ellie and her friends. He is
such a good person to them. He’s still the same now, and it makes me happy
to know that he still makes time for them.
“Yeah!” She claps and I sneak a glance into the bag that she’s
looking inside of, almost falling into it. I can feel an arm rest lazily around
my shoulders and I know it’s my dad. He’s letting me know that he’s here
for me. He went through the entire breakup with me. He knows how I’m
feeling. “Woah! You got me dress-up dolls!” She pulls the toy out of the
bag he handed her. She shows it off to her parents, who beam down at the
little girl who’s elated with her gift.
“Are you sure?” my dad whispers in my ear, and I know exactly
what he is asking.
“I’m sure.” I nod back and hold on to his arm that’s around me. I
turn myself more into his chest and hold him tight.
Nick rises up to his full height, towering over my niece as she
stares up at the giant in awe. He turns his head away from her and raises his
eyes to meet a group of people staring at him. Then he stops at one person;
the other person in my relationship. Ted watches him carefully, and Nick
does the same.
“You must be, Ted,” Nick says. There was a hardness in his tone
that made me wince.
“Yeah, that’s me. Who are you?” Ted asks. He isn’t being rude, he
genuinely doesn’t know who Nick is; unlike the rest of the country who has
fallen head over heels for the newest NFL mystery quarterback. Nick has
this bad boy mysterious player reputation in the industry. He’s broody,
calculated, and sharp. He’s known for being that way ever since the
beginning of his career. It’s what makes him an excellent quarterback.
“Nick. I’m Haley’s brother.” Ted tenses up a bit but releases when
Nick’s hand reaches out for a handshake. Ted is not a huge fan of Haley and
her opinions, but really likes Danielle. Haley has always been like that; you
can either take it or leave it.
Ted returns the gesture but winces in what looks like pain as soon
as Nick’s hand encloses his.
“Nice to meet you.” Ted swiftly pulls his hand out of Nick’s death
grip and it makes him smirk in a small victory. I sigh at the childlike action
and roll my eyes.
“Yeah, same here.” I could hear the sarcasm in Nick’s voice as
soon as he said that. Ted shoots his head up after he checks his red hand,
shaking it out not so subtly a few times to get the blood flowing back. Ted
watches Nick for a moment longer, trying to decipher his character, but I
know it’ll take a lot longer than a few seconds to crack Nick. By the looks
of it, it seems as though both guys have made their minds up about each
other.
 “Strong grip.” Ted chuckles attentively. I can tell that they already
don’t like each other.
“Thanks, you need to work on yours though,” Nick replies with
advice that Ted really doesn’t need. I can see it in his face. They aren’t
going to get on well at all.
It was a dig, and Ted recognized that. He eyeballs my ex-
boyfriend for a period.
After the little chat Nick and Ted had, everyone can feel the
tension in the room. Danielle hustles everyone out the back door and back
into the pool area.
“What’s his problem?” Ted whispers close to me. All I could do
was shrug before dragging him out behind me so he could mingle with the
others.
Taylor takes her new toy out with her to play by the pool with her
group of friends. Chris, my brother, and TJ lift the table outside to prevent
the kids from running inside for the snack Danielle had prepared and
possibly slipping. She does not’ want anyone crying today.
She made delicious treats. Mini pizzas, hotdogs, and cupcakes to
name a few, but I could tell she was on high alert with all of these kids in
her home.
“Hey.” I grab her arm to stop her from fixing the table for the
fourth time today. The sheet over the table has been repositioned I don’t
know how many times by her. Chris has talked her away from the table a
few times but she always goes back and makes sure that everything is
perfect. “Let me do this. You go upstairs and change into a swimsuit and
relax in the jacuzzi. You need it,” I offer to help her out, seeing as there is
no way I’ll be getting into the pool. I purposely didn’t bring a swimsuit so
that nobody would make me get in.
“No, it’s okay, you’re the gue—” I shake my head, not allowing
her to pull that card on me. She’s like a sister to me, and will be one day if
she gets her way. I hope she does. I want her to enjoy her time with her little
girl on her birthday.
“Go, everything will be fine.” I nod to the door and tell her to go
and relax. “I’ll watch the kids and the food.” With a short nod and a quick
glance at her child splashing around the pool, she disappears through the
sliding glass doors to fetch herself a swimsuit. She’s content with the way
things are going right now. I just hope it stays like this.
I grab a Goldfish covered in cheese to eat from one of the bowls
and choke when I hear Nick’s voice behind me.
“You swimming later?” I jump and turn around, putting my hand
on my chest. “Are you okay?” He holds my shoulder and I nod, coughing
up the stupid cracker that went down the wrong way.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I breathe in.
“I didn’t realize the sight of me would make you choke,” he jokes
and I begin to laugh at him. “If I was that ugly, why did you agree to d—”
He stops himself but I know what he was getting at. If he was that ugly,
then why did I date him?
That’s not the case and he knows it.
“You know you’re not,” I tell him without even thinking about it.
I shut my mouth as soon as I said it.
“I know what?” he teases. He wants to hear me say it but I can’t. I
can’t do that to myself or Ted. It’s not fair.
“Nothing.” I shake my head and listen to the squeals around the
water. “And no, I won’t be swimming today. I didn’t bring a swimsuit,” I
confess and watch him nod. His hand is still on my shoulder. I don’t want
him to remove it but he does anyway.
“I’m sure Danielle could lend you—”
“No.” I shut his offer down immediately. I know she’d offer but I
just can’t get in the water anymore. I’m terrified and have been since that
night. The way I felt so helpless when I was submerged, I felt scared that
nobody could save me.
But someone did, and I was grateful for him in that moment.
What happened after that night when Nick carried me back to the house
floods my mind as well as what we did afterwards in the shower.
“Okay, I didn’t mean to push it,” he apologizes. I nod, ashamed
that I snapped at him.
“It’s not you, I’m just so scared of the water. Ever since that party
when . . . you know . . .” I trail off, hoping he’d fill in the dots.
“Trumer?” He links my thoughts with his, and I’m thankful he
did. I didn’t feel like recounting that night, if I’m honest. He made up for
the night later, but it still scares me to get into a pool because of what
happened. The sudden shock of falling into water without taking a breath
really knocked me.
“Hey, Carter! You’re looking better than the last time I saw you!”
Jason chuckles when he joins Nick and me by the snack table. My cheeks
started to flame up when I remember what Haley and Danielle told me.
That night was really not my best night. I was a drunken mess, and Ted was
not happy about it. He told me how immature it was and that I was careless.
He was right. I made a bad call and I paid for it the next day. I can assure
you, I won’t be doing it again.
“Yeah, I don’t think it would be hard.” I chuckle, embarrassed by
my own actions. I cover my face with my hands, trying to hide from him
and the memory. “I’m sorry. I was such a . . . mess. I’m normally not like
that.” I remember small things about that night as I defend what dignity I
have left. I’m pretty sure I said something stupid to Nick too. I remember
his face, bu’ I don’t know where I was, who was there, and what I was
doing. All I remember is his face, that’s it.
“Hey, ’no worries. This guy took care of you.” He slaps Nicks
chest, making my eyes flick to him. “I hope you didn’t get into too much
trouble with Ted though.” He smiles and throws a few Goldfish into his
mouth. It’s not just me that has an addiction to the fishy crackers.
“Why would she? It’s her own decision. If she wanted to have fun
with Danielle and Haley, she can. He doesn’t control her,” Nick comments
to Jason, who does nothing but smile at him.
Jason picks up on people’s characters very fast, he’s such a likable
guy. I wish I had a friend for him to date but I don’t because I don’t have
many friends. He’s a reserved guy, but he reads social situations better than
anyone I’ve known. It’s what makes him a great linebacker, he picks up on
things other people miss.
“You don’t know him, Nick.” Jason pats his shoulder and looks
over at my boyfriend who is on his phone for work. Again.
I wish I could throw his phone into the water sometimes. It
annoys me so much.
“Jason, stop. He doesn’t control me. He’s just . . . opinionated.” I
know the guys are very judgemental when it comes to Ted, and it’s because
he has expressed how much football is a waste of time many times. It
annoyed them, so they have limited their interactions with him, except for
Jason and TJ because they understand that it’s his opinion and it doesn’t
bother them.
“Too opinionated, if you ask me,” Chris butts in. I roll my eyes
heavenward. He acknowledges Nick standing beside me with a head nod.
I’m a little surprised that my brother did that, but I still shut him down for
the snarky comment he just made.
“Chris,” I warn him, and he shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big
deal. He reaches for a sandwich on a platter ’behind me and begins to eat it
like he didn’t just insult my boyfriend.
“What? It’s not my fault that I prefer your ex-boyfriend to your
current one.” I widen my eyes in shock that he just openly said that. He
actually just said that. In front of my ex-boyfriend.
I slap him on the arm because he’s acting unfairly towards me and
Ted. He can’t say things like that. “You’re an asshole.” I storm off and see
my mom and Haley sitting at the outdoor table watching over the kids.
I watch the kids squeal in laughter as they play some games in the
water, blowing water through the foam noodles and throwing the football
around, cutting the water as it falls onto the surface before floating in their
vicinity.
My dad arrives to join us three after some time tending to the
burgers to flip them over on the overly expensive barbecue with Austin
behind them.
I huff down into the seat next to my mom and across from Haley
while I listen into their conversation about TJ’s training and recovery
program the team had set him for the summer. He’s stuck religiously to it
for the entire offseason. Now that their first game is tomorrow and it’s at
home, she’s hoping that nothing will bother him tomorrow either.
“You okay, baby girl?” my dad asks me as he pats my shoulder
from behind. I nod and stare down at my hands, not wanting to tell him
what has me annoyed. Chris and his big fat mouth. Surprise, surprise.
I can’t make Ted the guy they all want him to be. The fact that
Chris said that comment was uncalled for. I’m not happy with him.
“Why are you frowning?” he asks again.
“Chris is an asshole,” I mutter to myself.
“Yeah, but I’m an honest asshole,” he comments, and I blink up at
him. The nerve of him to follow me over here.
 “What did you say?” my dad asks in his warning tone we all used
to hate growing up.
“Nothing.” He shrugs like it was nothing. I deadpan him and
extend my leg to kick him but he dodges me. “Okay, so I may have said that
I liked Nick better than Ted. So what? It’s my opinion.” This causes Haley
to snort across from me. I glare her to zip it and keep quiet. He’s making yet
another dig at Ted.
“See, you’re an asshole,” I point at my brother while I stare at my
dad over my shoulder as proof of my argument.
My dad starts to laugh too. “You’re on your own there, son. I
don’t like either of them.” My dad continues tending the meat cooking over
a hot fire. I shoot him a glare for saying that openly. They’re not helping.
I feel bad enough as is that I haven’t even told Ted that Nick and I
used to date. I’m hoping it won’t bother him either. I was hoping the two
could get along, but I know that’s not likely; not after their conversation
earlier.
“That’s not true, Roger, and you know it.” My mom reaches over
to slap her husband on the arm to hush him, but it doesn’t do anything. So,
he’s not telling the truth, but about which part?
“I don’t know, Dad, I’m with Chris on this,” Austin butts in when
I don’t need him to. I need everyone to stop beating my relationship down.
Their opinions aren’t wanted. Not by me and most certainly not by Ted.
“Can you all stop. I don’t care that you don’t like him. I like him,
I do! That’s all that matters,” I cut off the conversation that they’re having
about Ted.
“I like him!” My mom offers a hand and pats my leg. She winks
at me and reaches across to my dad to hit him for saying that kind of stuff. I
know they don’t like Ted, but it’s not fair to me.
“You like everyone.” The three of them roll their eyes at her.
“He doesn’t lay a hand on her, he treats her right—” my mom
begins to rant off the good things about Ted but gets interrupted as soon as
she starts.
“Questionable,” Austin mutters before drinking.
She warns her eldest with her eyes while continuing to talk. “He’s
not blatantly rude to you guys. Just because he’s not a big football fanatic
doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.” She waves their judgments off into the
summer day.
“Yes, it does!” they say in unison and it makes me so mad.
“We’re not doing this!” I glare at the three men in my life that
cause a conflict when I’m around with Ted. They don’t like him, I get it, but
leave it alone. “We aren’t going there right now, so just drop it.” I slide
down in the seat, trying to disappear.
“Give us a minute, boys,” my mom asks them to leave me, her,
and Haley alone at the table. None of them move and she sighs, knowing
they’re being stubborn mules. “Please, just give us some girl time.” They
finally leave us alone to have a girl chat about something else. I know
Haley doesn’t like Ted either, so I really don’t fancy hearing it from her too.
They always butt heads when they’re around one another.
“Hey, so, I know you kicked the guys out, but I just wanted to
come over and say a quick hello to you, Elaine.” Nick’s sweet voice echoes
around us as he makes his way over to the table to get to my mom. My
mom always liked him. She had a soft spot for him ever since he took care
of me in the hospital when I contracted that virus. She always thought he
was kind and considerate and always saw the good in him, even when he
dumped me.
My dad . . . not so much.
It wasn’t that she was taking his side, it was more along the lines
of keeping an open mind as to why he did what he did. She used to say that
she knew he liked me ever since that time in the hospital. He looked
worried and made himself sick with it. It’s how she knew.
My mom pushes herself up from the chair she was sitting on to
greet him. A kiss on the cheek and a hug are what he gets from her. “Hi
there, how are you settling in LA?” she beams at him while they chatted
between themselves. It’s taking all I have to not turn around and see him
again.
I can’t deny how good he looks, even my niece knows it. When he
arrived into the house, he stole my breath away. I gladly let him. I wanted to
run my hands through his blond hair that has grown since I last saw him
five years ago. I wanted him to slam me up against the wall and kiss me like
there was nobody watching us. I wanted to rip his clothes off, take me in his
arms, and I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me there’s something
still there.
Dammit, Carter!
All of those thoughts made me want to avoid him.
“I’m good, yeah. So far so good. I’m crashing in Haley and TJ’s
but I’m looking for my own house right now,” he answers her smoothly.
“Where have you been looking? California has such beautiful
homes out here,” she asks another question, clasping her hands in front of
her body.
It’s like she wants to live through him. My mom always wanted to
buy a home out here for the summer and take us all out here, but she opted
on taking us back to her hometown.
“Um, Bel Air is at the top of my list right now. It’s a little more
private, which is just what I want,” he tells her, and I try not to act so
surprised.
Bel Air is a beautiful place with gorgeous gated communities like
this home I’m in. I could only dream of living in one. A perfect garden with
freshly mowed lawns; sprinklers dispersing water for the grass and flowers
frequently; luxurious pools and the view from the master bedroom are what
I can imagine because it’ll never happen to me.
“Amazing! Those houses are a real beauties! You’re lucky to have
that as an option!” She smiles warmly as he talks to her about his plans.
“Working hard pays off.” She winks at him and takes her seat once more,
silently offering him to join us.
“Yeah—”
“Nick! Can you come swim with me?” Taylor yells at him by the
side of the pool. Her hair sticks to her face and shoulder as it drips with
chlorinated water. Danielle enters with a bathing suit covering her figure.
My brother obnoxiously wolf whistles at her, making her giggle in
embarrassment and stealing everyone’s attention. “Looking good, Mama!”
He winks at her and she rolls her eyes, making her way over to fill up a red
plastic cup of wine so she can get inside the jacuzzi. She ambles over to
Chris in her bare feet as Nick responds to my niece.
“Sure, I’ll be right over once I’m finished talking to your
grandma, okay?” he says and she nods, jumping back into the pool and
splashing her friends in the process.
 Danielle giggles in my brother’s arms as they kiss each other
affectionately. “Still an asshole,” I mumble to myself.
“I better get into the pool or else I’ll be dragged in. It was nice
seeing you again, Elaine.” He makes my mom chuckle. Haley joins her at
how true that event sounds. It even puts a smile on my own face at how
well he already seems to know my niece.
“Don’t I know it!” My mom laughs with him.
He walks over beside Haley and places his belongings on the table
with a clatter. I watch him, along with the others. Motion by motion, he first
slips off his sneakers and sets them beside Haley on the ground. TJ is next
to greet my mom soon after he arrives outside. He was on a call all this time
about the program he’s on for training and recovery with what I believe
would be his physical therapist.
Nick strolls down to the deep end of the pool and tears his shirt
off. I could see the black ink scribed across his muscular chest. Over his left
peck, there were two lines of scripture that I couldn’t see all that clearly. I
couldn’t make it out but there were intricate designs drawn into his skin that
had me sitting up straighter to get a better look.
His eyes turn away from the lapping water and towards me, where
they lock with mine. His eyes say something back to my curious stare,
something I can’t make out. I know for a fact that there were two lines on
his left peck but I could only see black. His upper arm has what looks like
an animal on one side and something else on the other, but again, I can’t
make it out. There were lines of writing on different parts of his body, but I
am too far to be able to read what’s written and it was driving me nuts that I
couldn’t.
I’m curious. I try to subtly see what it is without drawing any
attention to myself, but it is proving to be very difficult.
I didn’t think he was the tattoo type.

* * *

Nick
“Wipe the smile off your face, Jackson. I said I preferred you, it
doesn’t mean I actually like you.” Chris points at me, mumbling through the
chicken and bacon salad sandwich his partner put out for the kids.
“Wait a minute!” Jason begins laughing loudly out in the open.
“You’re her ex?” He sounds astonished by this information. I’m surprised
he hadn’t picked up on that earlier, he’s usually quicker than that from what
I’ve gathered from him.
“Yes, he’s the ex-boyfriend that dumped her because he wanted to
go back to Layla, or Mona, or whatever her fucking name was.” Chris rolls
his eyes at me.
He’s really going to do this today? At his daughter’s birthday
party?
It wasn’t true. Not one bit. I haven’t seen or spoken to Maya since
I graduated. I never contacted her, and neither has she. We parted ways, and
I don’t know what she’s been up to since. Frankly, I don’t care either.
“Maya, and no, I didn’t get back with her. I never dated after
Carter. What I did was wrong, I know, but I was pressured into doing it—”
“By who? You’re side bitch?” Chris is really starting to piss me
off. He stands taller as he says that and finally starts to speak what’s on his
mind. I didn’t know when he was going to do it, I guess it’s now.
Yes, I had a reputation, but it wasn’t like that. I truly fell deeply in
love with Carter. I still am, and I don’t think I’d ever get over her. She’s the
one that got away, as cliché as it all sounds.
“When I dated your sister, she was the only one I had and wanted.
But I had to choose between football or her, and I knew I chose wrong—”
“Yeah, you say that now.” A dark, looming voice comes from
behind me. I know it’s Roger Steel coming for me, even if it’s been five
years after breaking up with his daughter. I can tell it’s still a visceral topic
for everyone. Last I heard was that he flew to see her and had to comfort
her for a few weeks. I know he was there to pick her up emotionally due to
my inconsiderate actions. I was selfish and naive, and now that I see that, I
regret everything I chose that day. I should have stuck with her.
“I was naive and pressured into a decision that I regret now,” I
confess the thoughts that are running through my mind. I never really
wanted to tell them this. I wanted to tell Carter all of this first, but I can’t
get a minute alone with her. It’s hard, it’s like they all want me to tell them
first before I can get to her. So, that’s what I’m doing.
 I’m going to tell them what happened even if they kill me for it—
even if she kills me for it.
“And what decision would that be?” Austin leans on the table
beside him as he peers at me, waiting for my answer with a deep crease
knitted into his brow.
“My dad didn’t want me dating anyone when I was in college. He
wanted me to stop it with Maya, which I did do when I met Carter.” I
straighten myself as I explain further, “When I started dating your daughter
and sister, she was all I could think about. I didn’t need anything else other
than her. He found out that I was dating her and noticed my game slipping.
It was, but that wasn’t on her, that was on me. I was so caught up being
with her that all I ever wanted to do was be around her all of the time.
“My game and focus slipped because of me, not her. But my dad
was looking for someone to blame at the time, and she was his best option. I
didn’t want her in his line of fire, so I took the initiative. He still blames her,
but I blame myself.” I feel so disgusted with myself as I start to replay those
two days that were hands down the worst days of my life to date. I tore her
heart to shreds, and that was my choice—a choice that haunts me to this
very day. “He didn’t want to hear it from me about how wrong he was and
threatened me to end it with her. I didn’t want to, but I had to do it or else
he’d have done it himself.”
I wring my hands together. “I didn’t want him telling her it was
her fault; that she was a distraction, that she wanted to be with me for fame
and money and that she isn’t good enough for me. If anything, it’s the other
way around. It wasn’t like that at all. None of it is her fault, and I stand by
that.” I look bravely into each of the Steel’s eyes for added reassurance that
this is how I fell. I could never let go of my feelings for her. “I set her free
because I didn’t want her to hear it from him. I didn’t want her to hear it
from me either, but I knew it was better if it came from me,” I finally get to
explain my side of the story. I finally get to tell them why I did what I did,
even with her new boyfriend just ten feet away from us.
Ever since I arrived at the house, he’s been on that stupid phone
more times than he hasn’t. It seems like he’s avoiding the family altogether,
which isn’t a sign of a well-mannered man. My mother raised me on
southern manners and hospitality, meaning you treat your elders with
respect, no matter what. It looks like he doesn’t even want to be here. I
know that it upsets her, because I can see her looking over to him for some
support and he doesn’t even give her the time of day.
Rookie mistake. You make time for her, I criticize him in my head.
“You still made the choice.” Rodger elevates himself
threateningly. I know he’s protecting her. He has done this from the very
first day she was born. “You chose to walk away from her, and now you
regret it, knowing she’s moved on from you. You don’t like the fact that
she’s with another . . . guy, and you want to be selfish and take her from
him. I won’t let that happen.”
He’s not wrong. He read me like an open book; Including my
intentions and my motives. I need her back. I need to win that heart again,
because I know without her, I’m nothing.
I need her in my life.
She’s a need, not a want.
“I—” I begin but her dad is having none of it. In fact, he moves
closer to me and pushes his index finger on my chest to make a point.
“Listen here, son, you walked away; not her. She bore her heart
and soul into your relationship, and you fucked it up; not her. She doesn’t
need that type of boy in her life, she needs a man. She doesn’t need that
kind of negativity, and she most certainly doesn’t need someone who will
let her down and break her. She needs someone who will be there for her
and adore her the way she deserves to be. Her heart has been shattered, and
it’s taken me years to glue those pieces back together. You broke her last
time, so I won’t let you do it again. I suggest you take a step back,” he
advises me, but I match him with his spiteful eye contact and stand tall.
I assure him I’m not going to back down from this without a fight.
He used to scare the shit out of me, but I’ve grown up and dealt with men
ten times scarier than Roger Steel. He’s just a blip on my radar now.
“Carter is all I’ve ever thought about for the past five years. Yes,
it was my mistake to walk away from such a strong, caring, and beautiful
woman. I accept that mistake, but I’m not giving up on her, not without a
fight. I’m here to correct the petty and juvenile mistake that I made five
years ago. I won’t take a step back, in fact, it only makes me want to get her
back her even more. I won’t stop until I get my chance, Mr. Steel. She’s old
enough to make her own decisions, and if she doesn’t want me, then I’ll
accept that. But I want to hear it from her, not you or anyone else.” My
words clearly sting him as his beady eyes have a fire inside of them, a fire
that is lighting and ready to burn anyone who gets in his way.
I want him to know that I’m standing on my own two feet with
this. I will win her back. I’m ruthless when I want to be.
“She’s taken, so step down,” he warns me but I shake my head. I
refuse to accept that. I won’t step down, I won’t do that again. That was my
first error.
“And I respect that. But she might not be for long.” I’ve learned
how to project my opinions on to a person in a threatening and a non-
threatening way. Today, it’s a mixture of both. These guys need to know
that I’m not over her. I never got over her. Her father looks taken back by
the words I used. I slightly contradicted myself. I will know when to step
back if that’s what she wants. “I never got over her, and I don’t think I ever
will,” I finish our conversation with that. Nothing more is said for a few
more moments in the small circle which we created around the food table.
“Excuse me,” Roger excuses himself to go over to the girls sitting
at the outdoor table. Chris and Austin follow their father and sit with the
girls while I stand with Jason, who looks awakened standing next to me.
His eyes are comically larger than before, now understanding the dynamic
between the Steels and me.
“Jesus, seeing Steel at that level of pissed made me want to leave.
If I were you, I wouldn’t go there with Carter. It seems as though it’s still a
tough topic with him. I don’t know how you stood up to him like that
though. Fuck, he wasn’t even speaking to me and I shit myself.” Jason
stares off at the Giants coach tending to the food on the grill with his back
muscles moving to keep him busy. I know he’s thinking about what I just
said.
“I respect him as a man, but he needs to know that I still care for
Carter. I was terrified of him at first, now I don’t see him like that. He’s
protecting her, and I respect that, but I don’t think he’s protecting her from
the right person,” I say what I believe as I drift my eyes towards Ted pacing
back and forth in an exclusive area near the trees in the backyard. He’s
making no effort right now, and it makes me sour to think that that’s the
type of man she’s with.
Sure, her dad’s a scary man to many people, but to me, I don’t see
him as anything else than a father who is looking out for his broken-hearted
daughter. “I ruined her when we broke up. I get it, he’s scared I might do it
again. I appreciate that side him. He’d take a bullet for her and the rest of
his family. I fractured her heart years ago as well as my own. Maybe it’s
still in that condition, and maybe I don’t deserve her, but I want to hear it
from her. I want her to tell me that she’s over me and the relationship we
once had.” I nod at Roger as his eyes train on me while I shift in my stance.
A distant smile creeps its way on to his lips. He nods once and averts his
attention back to the smoke gathering over the food he’s cooking.
“You’re a brave man, Nick.” Jason pats my shoulder once more
and leaves me alone while the rest of them look like they’ve been banished
from sitting at the table. Moving away from the ladies, I see my
opportunity.
“Please, just give us some girl time,” Elaine begs for the three
men to leave the table. They finally leave them to it but I know I should say
hi to her mom. I’ve always liked Elaine, she was nice to me even when her
dad had his doubts about me. I know he still does.
“Hey, so, I know you kicked the guys out, but I just wanted to
come over and say a quick hello to you, Elaine.” I wander over to the girls,
knowing that they probably don’t want any guys in the vicinity. It’s good to
know that Chris prefers me compared to her current asshole of a boyfriend
that hasn’t stopped talking on his phone ever since I got here. Actually, it’s
made my day.
The awkward yet tense encounter was almost laughable between
the two of us. He’s not right for her, and talking to the idiot only confirmed
how much I really don’t like him and what a scared little dick he is.
Elaine meets me halfway and embraces me with one of her hugs.
She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. It was the last thing that I expected.
Not that she would snub me; she’s not that kind of woman unless you really
piss her off. I remember Roger’s exact words, “Piss off my wife and you’ll
know all about it.” With such a kind gesture, it threw me off balance a little
bit and it didn’t go unnoticed by her husband.
“Hi there, it’s been so long. How are you settling in LA?” She
grins from ear to ear and converses with me. I can see that she’s not faking
her delight in seeing me today. That’s more than I could say for her husband
earlier on when I entered the mansion.
 “I’m good, yeah. So far so good. I’m crashing at Haley and TJ’s,
but I’m looking for my own house right now,” I reply with total honesty.
I’ve been looking in different spots around LA for a place that I want to call
my home for the next few years. It’s hard finding the right one. I’ve been to
multiple house showings and listings for the past few weeks ever since I’ve
arrived. It’s draining just looking for the right home, but I know it’ll be
worth it by the end when I walk in.
“Where have you been looking? California has such beautiful
homes out here.” She sighs looking up and her sons home that he shares
with his family.
“Um, Bel Air is at the top of my list right now. It’s a little more
private, which is just what I want,” I tell her. I like my privacy; it’s been
invaded too many times to count by crazy fans breaking and entering as
well as paparazzi looking to catch who my latest fling is. I want somewhere
where it’s quiet; a place I can come home securely to. I’ve been searching
for the right home in a gated community.
The right home I can share with her daughter, if she’ll let me.
A genuine and sentimental smile takes over my face as I think of
sharing a home with Carter someday.
“Amazing! Those houses are a real beauties! You’re lucky to have
that as an option!” And I am. I’m lucky to have the means to buy myself
one if I want it. “Working hard pays off!” She winks at me before taking her
seat again next to her daughter, who has refused to look at me since I’ve
come over to talk to her mom.
“Yeah—” I begin but get stopped by a little toddler standing by
the edge of the pool soaked to the bone while her friends play in the water.
“Nick! Can you come swim with me?” Taylor yells at me. I know
I can’t deny her this, especially on her birthday. My attention is stolen by
her mother coming outside with a small swimsuit of her own, making
Chris’s tongue hang out at the sight of his other half in a barely-there
swimsuit. He gives her a loud and proud wolf whistle to tease her with
while his eyes travel her body with lust, memorizing every inch of her body
which I’m sure he’s already done.
“Looking good, Mama!” He winks at her while she blushes back
with an eye roll. She moves over to the table to get a red plastic cup to fill
up with the wine she opened away from the kids. She makes her way over
to Chris, who hasn’t stopped eye fucking her since she came out.
“Sure, I’ll be right over once I’m finished talking to your
grandma, okay?” I answer the birthday girl. She’s glad about my answer
because she nods her soaked curls before jumping back into the water with
a small splash following after her.
Her parents embrace one another while Carter mutters something
under her breath, but I’m not close enough to hear it.
I rotate around and acknowledge her mom again, knowing that I
need to keep my promise to her granddaughter. “I better get into the pool or
else I’ll be dragged in. It was nice seeing you again, Elaine.” I walk away
from the three of them. I know the little madam is persistent with what she
wants.
“Don’t I know it,” Elaine jokes with me making me chuckle as a
response. It’s hard not to.
I maneuver my way around the table to get to where my sister is
sitting so she can hold onto my car keys, wallet, and phone so they don’t get
wet. The guys tend to like messing around and don’t care about belongings
all that much.
I slip off my sneakers at the heel and throw the socks inside them.
As I walk away, I leave TJ to greet Elaine next and walk towards the deep
end of the pool for me to dive in without an injury. I can’t be since I’m the
quarterback for the Chargers.
The one surprise I have is from when I became single again. I
slipped right back into a dark space. I was in a deep hole and decided to get
tattoos to feel some sort of external pain to help me cope with the internal
pain, but it made it ten times worse. Not a single soul in this house knows
about my tattoos. The tattoos that I’ve added to over the years.
So, as soon as I strip off my top and pull it over my head, I throw
it over to the side where the sunbeds are at with piles of towels resting on
them. Jason is already in the pool playing with the kids like they were his
own. For a young guy, he’s not bad with them. He’s goofy, so they all love
being around him.
I catch Carter’s eyes staring at me just as I am about to dive in. I
know she’s trying to see what I had inked on my skin. I can see the curiosity
getting the better of her as she rises out of her seat to get into a better
position. When she sits back down again to make it look like she wasn’t just
gawking at me, I laugh to myself before taking a long deep breath. She was
staring at me, and I caught her in the act.
I take a deep, deep breath; one, so I could go underwater; two, to
compose my thumping heart and veins.
I smirk down at the extravagant pool and feel the cool liquid hit
my skin as I submerge myself underneath the surface of the water from the
hot California weather. Once I break the surface, I swim to the side and lean
my back against the side of the pool and settle myself over at the edge.
I see a little pink and yellow swimsuit paddle over to me with her
head floating above the surface. I grin at her as she makes her way over to
me as I encourage her to keep going. She holds her hands out toward me
and I drag her through the water and hold her up with relative ease.
“You good?” I ask her and she nods, gurgling the water through
her mouth. She’s so adorable. I can see why they all melt over her.
She hugs me around my neck and I can see TJ pouting playfully
over her shoulder.
“Looks like Uncle TJ wants a hug too.” I laugh and point at TJ,
who is pretending like he’s crying as he stands beside the table I was just at.
When I see Carter’s boyfriend make his way directly over to her, it makes
my blood boil. I don’t like him; not one bit.
She loses focus and blinks back up at him as he leans down to tell
her something.
“I can give him one too!” She waves over at him and I swim over
to the steps, thinking she’s going to swim the rest of the way herself and
climb out to give him a hug, but she turns around to face me and points over
to my best friend. “Let’s go!” She splashes the water as I lift us both out of
the water and walk over to him. As I near her aunt, I can feel her eyes on
me.
As of right now, her niece is covering the tattoos on my left peck
and rib.
The one over my heart. The only one to ever be near my heart.
As soon as I hand Taylor over to TJ for his hug, I could hear a
small gasp.
I’ve been caught. She sees it finally after five years of being apart.
She knows what it means. She knows what’s inscribed on my chest. On my
skin. On my heart.
And it’s all for her.
C. S.
VI. XXII. MCMXCIV.
The top line is her initials in a cursive script. The second line
showcases the day she came into the world in Roman numerals. The day I
could never forget. I wanted it branded on me so I got her near the one
place only she has access to.
It’s not something I could forget, but that’s not the reason I got it.
I just wanted her with me everywhere I went. She haunted me, her ghost
was still with me, but I wanted something that meant everything to me the
same way she meant everything to me. I know she doesn’t want to see me
after we ended things, but I wanted her close to me—close to my heart—
and judging from the look on her face, she knows that.
Just below my ribs, I have the words “Amore Eterno” in the same
font, which translates to “Eternal Love” in Italian. I have many tattoos
around my body that link to her.
I have the constellations of the Big Dipper and Little Dipper on
my shoulder to represent the night I climbed up onto the roof of the sorority
house to be with her. The night we shared our kiss with each other. I have
wings over the stars on my shoulder to represent the true angel that she is.
I have a face that has a wolf’s visage on one half and a human’s
on the other, creating a perfect symmetrical face. It represents the demons I
have inside me, but she saw me as a person and not the thing most girls did,
a beast; that football player who will make it big in the NFL. The two birds
flying above the half wolf and human to represent the fact that I sent her
free, and that I regret it. The bird following the first one to get it back.
I have a single rose on my collar bone for the time I bought her
the flowers when she was in the hospital fighting a virus and when I picked
her up for our first date.
The words “Bella Piccola” carved into my shoulder blade means
“Beautiful Little One.” A small boat decorated with fairy lights on the mast,
like where we had our first ever date together.
I still have the pictures in my wallet of the two of us together on
the boat, kissing. I never forgot about them, and I would look at them at
night before I would fall asleep when I couldn’t.
 The words “I Trust You” is written on the side of the boat, which
she would tell me when she wanted to share a special moment. The first
time we slept together, those were her reassuring words to let me know she
was ready for me.
The main one is the one on my chest, the memory of her. The
moment she was brought into this world. The day that she breathed her first
ever breath and cried in her parent’s arms. The very day that I’m so grateful
for.
She is my world—my everything, and I think she realizes now
how much I loved her.
How much I love her.
I feel her finger trace my skin over the letters and numerals on my
chest, leaving a trail of hot steaming fire in its wake. She’s touching them to
see if they were real—if this was all real. There was a moment where I
recognized a vulnerability like I did that day when I watched her walk away
from me, one that tells me she’s scared.
When her eyes lift from her fingers on my skin where the ink is
forever etched onto me, I could see the tears threatening to spill from her
eyes. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but Ted got there before me.
“What the hell is your problem?” he booms at me.
Pretty boy is about to get his face rearranged.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY
Loving Me Senseless

Nick
“I asked you a quest—” This guy is going to meet my fist in a few
seconds if he doesn’t get out of my space. He’s been hovering next to us
ever since Carter touched my skin. She still is touching me. I can feel the
heat from her fingers, a sense of familiarity.
“I heard what you said, it doesn’t mean I’m going to answer you.
So, get out of my face and walk away,” I bark back uncharacteristically.
He’s bringing out the worst in me, and I hate that I’m doing this in front of
her. I’m trying to hold myself back, but only for Carter. I could take it to
another level but I won’t do that; not today.
“You don’t get to talk to me like that.” He pushes himself further
into my face. I’m a hair’s breadth away from losing my shit with him. He
wants this side of me to come out, I don’t. It’s not pretty.
“What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your phone
ringing,” I smugly say with a large grin on my face. He doesn’t like that,
not one bit. I could almost see the steam bursting from his ears as I watch
him turn a pretty shade of red. Looks like I hit a nerve, pretty boy.
“Stop!” Carter yells between us. We were both so caught up in the
fight about to break out between us that we forgot where we were. She
worms herself between the two of us to stop us from fighting. “Today is not
about you. It’s not about either of you. This is Taylor’s birthday, and you’re
not ruining it for her,” she warns both of us after removing her hands from
both our chests, gently allowing the space to grow between us. “I mean it.
Both of you calm down. Now!” She pushes past both of us and takes a hold
of Taylor, who seems a little upset by our outburst.
I see the little birthday girl being cradled by TJ, scared and what
looks to be on the verge of tears. She’s fisting his shirt as he holds her in his
arms. I immediately feel terrible for scaring her. It wasn’t my intention to
do that. I was just so caught up in the fight with Ted, I forgot who was
watching.
Carter lifts her niece out of TJ’s grasp and takes her down to
Chris, who sets down his food when he sees her making her way over with
his child. He takes his daughter into his hands but she wiggles her arms out
for her aunt again. She wants Carter to hold her, and I couldn’t help but
smile a little. Chris kisses her head to stop her from crying as I see Carter
walking back over to us, sorry, storming back over to us. I straighten up for
what she will say to both of us but get a surprise when it wasn’t me she
wanted a word with.
She grabs Ted’s arm and yanks him into the house, where they can
have some privacy—privacy that makes me jealous. God knows what
they’re doing in there, I just hope not each other.

* * *

CARTER
“Where are you taking me, babe?” Ted asks seductively from
behind me. He’s about to get a rude awakening after what he pulled outside.
“Don’t,” I state firmly, not happy with what he pulled out there.
I’m not happy with either of them, I’ll just speak to Nick about it at a
different time.
“Wait, why are you mad at me? I should be mad at you! You’re
the one who was feeling your best friend’s brother up, Carter. Who is that
guy anyway? And don’t say Haley’s brother, I know there is something
you’re not telling me.” He yanks me back by my arm. I wince due to the
sudden and unexpected movement.
“I’m allowed to be mad at you, Ted. You have been absent for the
entire time you’ve here. You need to be present for Taylor. Do this for me,
Ted. You’ve been on your phone more times than not today. It’s rude, and I
don’t like you doing that to me or my family,” I snap at him. His stupid
phone is about to ruin this relationship. I get that he has to work, but he
could have told his colleagues that he’s not available today and deal with it
tomorrow or later on in the night. Right now just isn’t going to cut it
anymore.
He rolls his eyes and groans. “You know I have to take these calls,
Carter. My career is important to me.” He lifts up his phone and I can see
someone beginning to call him. I sigh and step away from him.
“Just answer it. I don’t care.” I stomp back towards the kitchen
but he stops me. He steps in front of me and takes the call.
“Hey, can I call you back later? I’m in the middle of something,”
he says to whoever is on the other line but doesn’t take his eyes off me.
“Alright, thanks. Bye.” He hangs up the phone and smiles as he places it
back into his pocket. “There, you happy? I did that for you.” He takes both
of my shoulders and caresses them with both hands. A soft look adorns his
face but I’m not buying it.
“I shouldn’t have to ask you, Ted.” I continue to walk around him
to get back outside to the birthday girl. I want to see if she’s okay. I know
she was a little shaken by the two hotheads who clearly don’t like each
other. It’s one thing to not like each other and biting their tongues about it,
but it’s another thing to get aggressive in front of kids. I won’t tolerate
anything like that. It’s not the day for it.
As soon as I step back outside, I see her clinging on to Nick, who
is talking to her parents. She’s smiling and giggling with them as they try to
lift her spirits back up from the minor hiccup. I watch them as they interact
with one another. She really has taken a liking to him.
“Who is he? I know he’s more than just Haley’s brother, Carter. I
would appreciate if you could shed some light on him.” Ted follows me out
and asks me the one question I wanted to avoid. To be honest, I don’t know
how long I would have been able to avoid it.
I suppose this situation was inevitable.
“We dated,” I reply coolly, staring at how my niece is completely
immersed by him. I totally get why, because I feel my eyes drift towards
him as he talks to Danielle. “We dated in college,” I end the conversation
and walk straight out to join them, not wanting to look at Ted. I was afraid
of that, so I find myself running. I’m not ready to discuss the relationship
yet, not with anyone. Even after five years, it still stings. And I hate that he
still has that effect on me and yet, at the same time, I don’t.
 I feel a hand wrap around my wrist and tug me back a little more
aggressively than I would have liked. I know this is the moment that I have
been dreading.
The talk.
“You can’t just drop that on me and walk away.” Ted moves
closer to me in a hushed tone, wanting to now keep his voice down.
“It’s not something I want to talk about,” I declare calmly, quietly.
“You’re running, Carter. Why?” I pry my hand out of his and
shake my head, refusing to admit that I am running. I don’t want to feel
weak again. After breaking up with me, I came out stronger than ever. I was
at my lowest point after it, but as the days pass, I found my strength again
with the help of others who had supported me through that ugly time. Even
with the strength behind me, I still have my weak moments like everybody
else. It just happens to be when Nick is there, since he’s the main cause of
it.
“I’m not.” I walk away again but this time diverting myself
towards my mom. I need to stay as far away from Nick as I possibly can.
Ted rushes over behind me and sits next to me, making a point to me that he
won’t go away and neither is the conversation that we need to have.
“We’re talking about this, now. As I said before, you can’t just tell
me that and walk away from me. I want to know. Is there still something
there between you two? Did something happen that I should know about?”
Ted shuffles closer to me than I want, but I know I have to address this
sooner or later. The screech of his chair along the tiles sends a shiver down
my spine. I just wanted to tell him later. Today is not the day. Judging by his
tone and the previous reaction, he’s not going to like hearing about my past
relationship with Nick.
“Nothing has happened between us, Ted. I just don’t think that
this is the place to talk about it. Not while he is right over there. I don’t
want anyone to hear this. It’s a private matter and I want to keep it like that.
The conversation is done. We’ll have it another time.” I shut it down and set
my back against the expensive woven chair I’m on. I exude the aura that
tells him to drop the subject and, luckily, he gets it.
“Then when is the best time? Huh? You look like you’ve been
avoiding this at all costs.” He sits forward, trying to get my attention, but all
I do is stare at the barbecue creating a cloud of smoke trailing into the sky.
 “I’m not avoiding this. We’re just not talking about it right now.
Ted, it’s my niece’s birthday, and I want this day to be about her. I will talk
to you later about it. I will come over tonight and we can talk about it then,
okay?” I ask him to leave this for now. It gives me time to gather my
thoughts and compose myself. The thing with Ted is, he brings the tactics
he uses in work into our relationship, and I hate that. He wants to tackle this
head on, and while I appreciate that, there is a time and a place for it; this
most certainly is not it.
I haven’t seen Nick so hotheaded like that since . . . Ryan
Averman. He doesn’t have the right to be like that now. He chose football,
this is the life he chose and is going to have.
I thought if I ever saw him again, he’d be engaged or married. I
honestly didn’t think he’d be single for so long. Then again, he was always
a playboy.
Come on, Carter, give him a little credit. He was loyal and
trustworthy in your relationship.
A part of me is glad, yet another part of me is sad for him. I would
have been happy for him if Nick had chosen to move on from us. It would
have hurt to see another girl look at him with love in her eyes and him
staring right back at her, but I would have put on a brave face and accepted
that it just wasn’t meant to be.
Even though he broke me in two, I still want him to be happy. It’s
what everyone deserves.
“Okay,” Ted says unconvincingly.
I turn my head to the side and see Taylor giggling with the four
teammates. Two of them are on the sunbeds that are laid out with her in the
middle. She’s enjoying the boys’s attention, and I can’t help the smile
forming on my lips as I watch her grin at all four of them. Chris is doting
over her like always as he stares down at her with complete and total love.
The only thing I can think of is this: God help the poor boy that
ever breaks her heart.
I chuckle to myself, knowing she’ll be a looker when she’s older.
Chris will have her trained in the confidence department. He will tell that
girl every day of her life how loved she is, how beautiful she is, and how
special she is to him.
 “Alright, let’s see how the food is lookin’.” My dad lifts the hood
of the barbecue back to check and see how the food is coming along. “My,
my, doesn’t that smell delicious now?” He inhales the aroma that envelopes
the area. He lifts each of the pieces onto a platter so that Austin can start
cutting it up for people to take.
“How’s it doin’?” Danielle appears beside him and checks over
his shoulder.
“Cooked to perfection, if I do say so myself,” my dad replies
smugly.
“Well, at least you know if you’re ever fired as the head coach,
you could become a chef,” she teases him back and pats him on his
shoulder.
He chuckles loudly back at her and tries a bone from the ribs that
is covered in tender meat and barbecue sauce. “Who have you been talkin’
to? Coach Amberson?” he jokes.
Coach Amberson is the head coach of the Packers and constantly
criticizes my dad’s coaching techniques. He’s a bitter old man and
whenever they met at the Super Bowl, he lets his mouth run a little too
much. Basically, he wants my dad out and he wants in.
“Just got off the phone with him there. He said you’re looking
tired and haggard too.” She grins knowingly back. My dad has taken a very
strong liking to Danielle ever since we all became a family. He was wary at
first due to the fact that my brother was famous and only went for girls who
wanted him for the money and fame. Danielle was different, but she had to
prove it to him for him to accept that that wasn’t what she was after.
When they first told my parents that she was pregnant, they
weren’t pleased at all because that is what can happen to professional
athletes. They get “trapped” by women when they become pregnant, and
that’s what my dad thought was going to happen to Chris.
She really likes my brother. She’s been with him through thick
and thin for the past five years and I don’t think she’s going to ever walk
away from him. She loves him and their daughter, you can see that from a
mile away. She’s an adoring mother and partner.
“Poaching my own family, I see,” he mutters, lifting the last lump
of meat onto the platter. “He hits below the belt anyway. Typical tactic on
his part.” He winks, making her laugh before getting the plates ready for us.
 “Will you help me with the food?” She grasps onto my upper arm
and softly asks me for help.
“Sure.” I practically bounce out of the chair. I follow after her in
silence as I see Haley joining us to help out with the food for the kids.
Realistically, the two of them want to be filled in on everything.
I remove the fries from the upper oven while Danielle removes
the chicken pieces from the lower oven. We allow them to cool as we take
the Kool-Aid from the refrigerator for the kids and place it out on the table.
I help them out and pour some of the liquid into little cups for them to take
as a few keep asking me for some. I don’t mind helping out with kids, I love
being around them. They’re like a ball of energy and are so innocent.
After I finish doing that, I return to the kitchen where the girls are.
I offer to help make the salad and take some of the pre-made salads from
the refrigerator and place them into bowls for people to take as they please
when all of the food has been laid out for everyone.
“How are you doing?” Danielle stands next to me, looking
gorgeous in her bikini with a towel wrapped neatly around her hips.
“Fine,” I answer, simply trying to focus on the task.
“Carter, hey, just stop for a moment—”
“I’m fine, Danielle, just drop it,” I snap back and then
immediately feel guilty about it. “I’m sorry,” I apologize. I’ve been so
annoyed by Ted and Nick’s explosive fight that I had to stop that I keep
taking it out on the wrong people.
“It’s okay, Carter.” She smiles gently, understanding why I
snapped.
“I just don’t want them to fight. Not in front of Taylor, not on her
birthday, you know?” I tell her. I feel embarrassed because that wasn’t
needed. It was uncalled for.
She agrees with me while she cuts up the tomatoes for the salad.
“We shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry to have
done that in front of her. On her birthday too.” I whip my head around to
the voice that made me drop the spoon I was using to scoop out the salad. “I
didn’t mean to scare you.” Nick bends down and picks up the spoon I
dropped. “I just wanted to apologize. To all of you. I shouldn’t have said
what I said. I didn’t mean to upset you, or Taylor.” I can see the genuine
guilt in his green eyes, one that makes me appreciate that it was a rush of
emotions that led him to snap at Ted even though it was me that couldn’t
help herself. Those tattoos look so real.
As I stare at him in the kitchen with us, my eyes drift down to his
left peck.
C.S.
VI. XXII. MCMXCIV.
If I read it correctly, those are my initials and . . . I can only guess
that the line underneath is the Roman numeral form for my date of birth or
the day we met. Either way, he knows that, that is something just between
the two of us and nobody else, unless you know the date and how to read
Roman numerals.
I have a couple of questions about the tattoo; why didn’t he
remove them? Did he purposely get them when we broke up?
“It’s okay. Just don’t do it again and not in front of Taylor.” I nod
as I take the spoon from him and place it into the sink to grab a fresh one.
“I won’t. I apologized to her too.” He chuckles, making me smile
and turn my head back towards him. It reminds me how much I’ve missed
his laugh.
“And how did that go?” Haley leans on her elbows with a cheeky
smile on her face.
“I got put in the naughty corner for a while, but I got a hug out of
it too. She forgave me and let me back in the pool with her.” He grinned,
making us all laugh at the punishment she gave him. She has taken a liking
to him and I’m not at all surprised by it. He’s good with her.
“Good, you deserve it for scaring her.” Danielle smiles while
pointing the knife at him. He holds both his hands up in the air and smirks
at the mama bear in her coming out. “That little madam won’t take any crap
from you boys, that’s for sure. She gets it from her mama.” Danielle flips
her hair over her shoulder for dramatic effect.
“I won’t argue with that.” He smiles and taps the side of the
sliding door. “I better leave you girls to it. Call for me if you need any help,
alright?” he says over his shoulder. Even though he wasn’t just asking me,
he was looking at me, and I nod back like he was only talking to me. I
watch him leave and stare at the space he once occupied moments ago, with
the beaming light from the sun streaming through the gap. The sound of
splashes and squeals echo around the kitchen from out back.
 I snap myself out of it and turn back around to the task I’ve been
assigned to do. I feel both of their eyes on me, so I look up and I’m met
with two pairs of eyes staring at me blankly. Both Danielle and Haley look
like they’re wondering the same thing.
“What?” I ask them and they shake their head before continuing
with the prep. “What? Why did you both give me that look?” I ask again,
setting the spoon back down on the counter.
“Nothing,” they both reply in unison.
I shrug it off and carry the bowls out to the adult’s table. I could
manage three at the same time but that was as far as I could go.
When the family gathers around to get some food, I slip back into
the kitchen to get another plate for myself as we were one short. Not
making a big deal of it, I find one for myself.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll be there in thirty.” I freeze after hearing his voice
and sigh as I set myself back down from the tips of my toes, refusing to turn
around and meet his eyes.
I place the plate on the counter and feel my patience run dry. I’ve
given this man so much, even an entire night for his work, and he can’t give
me an afternoon. He can’t even give my niece, the birthday girl, a moment
of his time; he barely interacts with her. “Hey,” Ted starts but I take in a
deep breath. “Carter, babe.” I roll my eyes and turn around to face him.
Smiling sweetly, I wait for him to say what I already know he’s going to
say. Before he has any chance to say anything, his phone rings again.
I lose it.
I have the patience of a saint, but right now, a saint wouldn’t even
put up with that.
Rest in peace, Ted’s phone, because you’re about to be launched
through the backyard and into a neighbor’s home. I know they have a pool
close to the wall too. Even better.
I grab his phone and stomp back outside with no mercy.
“Carter!” he yells at me and I take one step forward as soon as I
get outside. Storming over to the wall, I know everyone is watching me.
“Carter! Give it back. That could be important!”
I launch it across the backyard, over the hedges, and into the
neighbor’s pool where it dives in and disappears, sinking to the bottom of
the outrageously large swimming pool. My dad taught me how to throw a
proper throw ever since I could walk. At least my dad won’t judge me on
the spiral or lack thereof.
“I’m important too, Ted,” I remind him. “Just go.” I walk away
from him to go back inside and grab my plate. I threw a tantrum, just like
my niece and I knew I looked ridiculous but I just couldn’t put up with that
ringtone anymore. It haunts me.
“You literally just launched my phone into a pool. My WORK
phone too! What am I going to do now?” He yells at me. I pay no mind to
him as I return back to the kitchen. I take hold of my plate and smile at him.
“Not my problem,” I quip back.
He takes hold of my arm and spins me around. “Uh, yes it is. You
fucked my phone into a pool. You did that! I’m going to have to get another
one now!” he whisper yells at me stepping a little closer.
“Oh, God forbid. Are you listening to yourself?” I point at him
and wonder what the hell is running through his head. Those phone calls are
to blame and the person on the other end of the call was to blame.
Not my problem.
“What is wrong with you?” Ted steps back, surprised by my
outburst.
“Loosen that grip on her,” my dad warns him. He does but still
holds onto my wrist with a lot of conviction.
“That fucking phone. Ted, I’ve been patient with you and your
career. I want what’s best for you, I really do, but sometimes, I feel like I
have to compete with your phone. That’s not how it should be. There needs
to be more of a balance between your career and our relationship,” I tell
him the one thing that I have kept to myself for the last year. I finally let
him hear it. I could literally feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders as
I find my backbone and communicate my feelings.
“My career means everything to me. You know this,” he says and
I shake my head, disappointed by his words.
“Just go.” I point my head out of the kitchen door and push past
him.
“Carter,” he calls after me. “Carter, come on,” he moans but I
pace towards the table that people are awkwardly gathered around.
Everyone has their eyes on me as I direct myself towards the food. I stock
my plate up with everything I can see and set myself down in the corner
next to my oldest brother.
I eat in silence for a while, not knowing if Ted has left or not. My
guess is that he has because he hasn’t approached me.
“Still got a good arm, C-dog!” Austin jokes, attempting to lighten
my sour mood. It did make me smile down at my vegetables, nonetheless. I
understand that he’s trying to make me feel better about the situation and
my outburst. I appreciate it, but until Ted gives me the time and effort, I
won’t be happy. I’m glad I finally said what has been niggling at me for the
past while.

* * *

“Bye, my little munchkin!” I squeeze my niece goodbye at the

door in her pajamas.
“Bye bye, Aunt Carter!” She squeezes me back with what little
energy she has left until the sugar crash.
“Now, you be good for you mom and dad, alright? I hope you had
a good birthday, sweetheart.” I kiss her head as she nods, promising me she
won’t be much of a hassle to the two but we all know she will be. She’s full
of sugar and adrenaline right now; you have to let her crash.
I know Danielle will be preparing a bath for her as soon as
everyone leaves. It’s what brings her down and is the only thing that helps
her go to sleep.
“Best birthday EVER!” Yeah, she’s still hyper. “Can you swim
with me tomorrow?” she asks because I never got into the pool although
others did. I just couldn’t get over my fear for her.
“Maybe another time.” I dodge the question like I always do. She
takes the bait and lets it drop.
“Okay.” She grins widely. I kiss her once more before handing her
back to her grandfather.
“Bye, guys!” I wave at everyone before backing out of the door.
TJ is going to drive me home instead of calling for a cab, which I don’t
mind doing. There is enough room in his large car for me and the other
three but I just didn’t want to take up his time. I’m grateful that he is willing
to drive me back; it’s only a half hour away from here, too, so it’s not all
that bad.
As soon as we walk out towards the car, I see somebody sitting on
the hood of a car that looks very similar to Ted’s. Once I see the person
stand up and come into a little bit more light, I recognize that the person
really is Ted. His lean frame, dressed in all black, is slouched with both
hands in his jacket pockets. He licks his lips and stares back at me.
My feet stop in their tracks as I take him in. I thought he was at
the office and that he’d be there all night seeing as the call might have been
more important than me and my family.
“Hey,” he greets me softly and awkwardly. He’s unsure about how
I feel.
“We’ll wait for you in the car.” TJ nods to his own car as
everyone watches Ted and I interact.
“Thanks, TJ.” I smile thankfully at him for taking the hint. I turn
my face back to my boyfriend and cross my arms as a defense mechanism. I
wait for him to start talking. We stay silent and stare at one another until
everyone gets in the car.
He steps closer to me, knowing that I wasn’t going to close the
distance. “I’m sorry,” he says delicately. “I’m not sorry for leaving. This
was a high priority situation and I couldn’t ignore it, but I am sorry for not
being present for the day; for you and your family. I was wrong, and I
shouldn’t have done that to you or Taylor. I promise it won’t happen again,”
he says, unwinding my arms from the barrier I’m creating between us.
When I don’t say anything, he sighs and drops his head down. “I
deserve the silent treatment; I know I do. I just wanted to do my best at my
job, and you suffered because of that. I’m sorry about that, I feel like an
asshole, but I told you from the start—”
“Actually, you didn’t, but that’s not the point,” I cut him off from
telling me a lie right to my face. He never told me what he worked as when
we started dating and he never asked me either. It was like an unspoken rule
to not talk about work at first, and now, that rule has been shattered into tiny
fragments. He put effort into the relationship at the beginning, then as it
went on the effort disintegrated. It’s something I’ve noticed for a while now.
Something I don’t like but have come to accept. I’ll always be second to his
career.
 Like every guy I’ve been with.
I sigh and subconsciously look towards Nick in the passenger seat
of TJ’s car with a stone cold expression. He has a frown on his face as his
finger rests across his lips, reading the situation.
I pull myself back for a moment.
“Talk to me,” he says to coax me into opening up. Once it’s open,
it’s open, and there is no going back.
“I understand that your career is your top priority—”
“It isn’t—”
“Stop, it is and that’s fine,” I lie to him. I take a deep breath,
knowing that I can’t compete with it and understand that this man has
worked so hard to be where he is today. I can’t fault him for that, I can’t. I
just wish he was able to balance things better. “I just wish that you could be
present for a little while—just a little while. That’s all I ask for,” I request
from him. I almost cringe at my tone and how desperate I sound. I’m
frustrated that he can’t see that—that I’m working to keep this relationship
afloat while he is working on his career and putting me in a corner.
I’m working on mine, too, but it just seems so one-sided.
“Okay. I will be present from now on. I’ll give you my word,
babe. I promise.” He nods promisingly. I take a deep breath in and take in
what he just said. He could say anything he likes to me, but I need to see it
in action to trust him.
“I’m not sorry for throwing your phone in the neighbor’s pool,” I
say after some moments of silence. He snorts and laughs at my honest
confession.
“I got a new one anyway. That one wasn’t repairable or
accessible.” He kisses my lips. I’m taken aback by the bold move and lean
back to look up at him. “Enough about my phone, I’ll drop you home
instead of TJ. I’m sure he has enough people in his car.” Ted nods at the car
with the audience looking at us and him wrapped around me. I feel
awkward even though we’ve done this plenty of times before. So, I pull
myself back a little.
“I’ll just tell him I’m going with you,” I explain after he questions
the distance I put between us.
“Alright, I’ll be in the car waiting.” He nods down at the black
Mercedes.
 When I reach the car, I knock on Nick’s side and he rolls down
the window. With an unimpressed look on his face, he stares at me, his
green eyes judging me intently. I can almost feel the irritation radiate from
him.
“Hey, TJ, thanks for the offer for the ride, but I’m going to go
home with Ted. You don’t need to drop me off.” I smile to him, letting him
know that everything is fine.
Even though it isn’t.
“You sure? It’s no problem,” he asks me.
“I’m sure. I’ll see you guys sometime next week?” I wave
goodbye to Haley and Jason in the back all while Nick stays silent and
focuses ahead, glaring at Ted turning the car around so we can head off
straight away. “Bye.” I pat the side of the car.
Just as I was about to leave, I hear him say, “Goodnight, little
one.” It made me stop and shut my eyes so I could feel his words—to feel
the weight of his words. I’ve missed him calling me that. It was our thing,
his nickname for me.
I loved it, and I still do.
I don’t even hate myself for that fact.
It was so smooth, like milk chocolate melting in your mouth.
But I inhale deeply and continue to walk towards the car. Ted
leans across and pushes the door open for me to climb in. As I do, I chance
a quick glance back at TJ’s car and catch Nicks’ eyes. I can see the
resentment clouding his eyes; they’re flaming red and directed at Ted. I
watch his jaw twitch then turn to face my boyfriend.
I see him smiling, but it’s not at me.
“You ready?” he asks, slowly taking his eyes away from TJ’s car.
“Yeah,” I reply breathlessly and strap myself in as he waits for the
click of my seatbelt. As he drives forward, I resist the urge to look back at
my friends. I look straight ahead and watch the tree and hedgerows pass us
by.
The car is silent for a while. I don’t know what to make of it. It
wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t not awkward either, if that makes any sense.
It was somewhere in between.
I am also too tired to make the effort to end this midway awkward
feeling. As the journey back to my home is full of winding streets, I slide
slightly side to side in the passenger seat, edging closer and closer until we
get to the small driveway with my car parked in it. Ted rolls to a stop
outside by the curb. I unbuckle myself and swing open the door. Stepping
out, I shut the door behind me and Ted does the same. We walk towards the
door and I place my key in the hole.
“I thought you weren’t mad at me anymore?” Ted asks, huffing
behind me.
“I’m not, I’m just exhausted after taking care of all those kids,” I
confess. I push the door open when the locks turn. I keep it open to allow
him in and keep walking towards the living room.
“Carter,” Ted calls me, and I feel the dreaded conversation
coming back, “why does it feel like you’re avoiding me?” Maybe because I
am.
No. Don’t do this now.
I scold my subconscious for being so brutal.
“I’m not, I’m honestly just really tired.” I turn on my heel and
face him. “I’m sorry. I just spent the entire day looking after a bunch of
crazy kids who wanted nothing more than to throw me in the pool.” I smile,
trying to lighten the situation and it does. He smiles down at me and stops
right in front of me.
“Okay, thank God I missed that.” He laughs and I slap him on the
chest to hush him from what he said. “What? You know what I’m like with
kids, Carter.” He chuckles as he places each of his palms on either side of
my face.
“That could change.” I smirk and watch the color drain from his
face. My smile drops off my own face, wondering what I just said to make
him as white as a ghost.
“Are you—Are you pregnant?” he stutters what sounded like a
forbidden word to him.
“What? No! No, I’m not pregnant!” This moment takes me back
to the time when TJ asked me if I was pregnant in college and Nick told me
that I wasn’t that type of girl. That time, I read the comment completely
wrong. It was meant as a compliment but I took it as an insult.
“Okay, thank God.” He breathes harshly, but at least I know
where I stand with him.
 “Maybe one day.” I smile feebly, trying to show that it was a little
insulting for him to say that. Am I not mother material?
“Really?” He scrunches up his nose in disgust and I couldn’t help
but pull back a little from him.
“Why not? Kids are cute. I mean, yes, they drive you nuts, but
that’s part of the whole experience.” I shrug like it’s obvious but he’s still
not getting it. “You get to watch your own flesh and blood grow up and
experience the world. I’d love that.” He shakes his head, refusing to agree
with me on this.
“Kids are not for me, Carter.” I wasn’t surprised by this
admission. In fact, I wasn’t even sad either. I couldn’t feel anything. I
refused to feel something. It was like my body refused him and his ideas.
“Okay, well, we don’t have to talk about this now.” I swerve the
topic away and agree to keep my mouth shut.
But I’m not putting away my values. I want kids. I want my own
babies calling me “Mom” and running around in the sunlight. I want my
own. “Let’s watch a movie or something?” I offer and pull him by his shirt
over to the sofa. As we sit down, I think about the day while Ted flicks
through Netflix on my TV, searching for something he’ll like. He’s more
particular about movies than I am, so I let him pick all the time. It saves me
the hassle of listening to him complain about the characters, storyline, and
composition. It’s just easier.
As he gets lost in the options in front of him, I begin to have
flashbacks about today.
The way Nick came out of the pool dripping wet with my niece in
his arms. He knew I’d stare at him. He knew that it made me weak. He
always looked one hundred times hott—
I can’t be thinking about this.
I can’t be thinking about him.
Or his tattoos.
Or his ripped bod—
Shit.
“How about this one?” He points to the screen and I watch the
name “‘The Wolf of Wall Street” spelled out in front of me.
“Yeah, sure,” I answer even though we’ve seen it a million times.
I could almost recite the entire movie to you at this point. I think Ted has a
fetish for Jordan Belfort. Either that, or he wants to be him. The LA version
of Jordan, minus the prison sentence.
“Alright.” He smiles and presses play.
I find my mind wandering back to Nick again. How kind he is to
Taylor. I often compare him with Ted and how they interact with her. It’s
one of my deal breakers. Ted was getting closer to her for the past few
months; it took a while for her to warm up to him, but we were getting
there. That is until, Nick reappeared and took over.
I forget just how naturally amazing he is with kids. I saw it with
Ellie and now my own niece. I miss seeing him like that. I miss him in
general, even though I shouldn’t. He ended it with me, yet I can’t help but
think about him and what he’s been up to for the past five years outside of
football because he’s plastered across every sports channel you could
switch to.
I miss everything about him. I miss his touch, the way he would
hold me; the way he would kiss me in his arms, holding on tight and
holding me close; the way he would cradle his hands around my face; the
way he looked at me, like he wanted to remember every moment together.
“Hey, are you alright? You’re breathing really fast.” Ted asks me,
sitting up slightly, and I feel my body react. I lunge myself at him and kiss
him deeply to get Nick out out of my head and Ted in. I let out a moan from
him as I climb up onto his lap and straddle him. I pull him closer to me and
bite down on his lip. He grabs hold of my ass and squeezes hard through
my tight jeans before moving around and lifting me up. I wrap my legs
around him, our lips not moving away from one another.
He slams me back up against the wall as he fumbles down the
corridor to get to my bedroom. He begins to kiss his way across my jawline
and down my neck. I bite my lip to stifle a moan, but he sucks harder. I
release the moan I was holding back.
He pulls back and I see Nick’s face. I blink and see Ted again, so I
crash my lips onto his again. trying desperately to erase Nick from my
mind.
It can’t be him.
It can’t be.
Ted drops me onto my bed with him hovering over me. I push
back his jacket to get it off him and he momentarily pulls back to shuffle it
off his arms. I also grab the hem of his undershirt and lift it for it to be
removed next. He does the same with my shirt, kissing his way down the
valley of my breasts and down to my navel. He unbuttons my jeans and
guides them down my legs, allowing me to kick them off.
He takes my panties in his hands and yanks them down too. Then,
he unbuttons his own jeans and lets them drop to the floor. He crawls back
on top of me in his Armani briefs, making me think of Nick and his
commercial. I shut my eyes and, against my will, I think of him.
Flashbacks of us rolling around in the sheets when we dated in
college flood my mind. The heat between our bodies when we felt that
connection. It was unmatchable. I knew that, and it’s why I can’t help
myself.
Lips attach themselves to my neck, and I moan thinking it’s him.
It’s Ted but I’m imagining Nick. I know I shouldn’t do that, but I can’t help
it. It’s not my first time, either, and it won’t be the last. I’d be lying if I said
it was.
I feel Ted nudge at my entrance and I open my eyes to see if he
had put a condom on. Seeing he has and knowing that he doesn’t ever want
kids, I give him the green light to thrust himself inside of me. He slides
himself in, thrusting in and out of me to find a rhythm that suits us both.
“Baby,” he moans in my ear as I feel my mouth opening, feeling every bit
of him.
I hold on to his ass and silently ask him to go deeper. I need it
deeper; I need to feel him, I need to feel something.
As he does, I moan in pleasure. “Oh, fuck!” he groans again, and I
think of the night when we were in the shower together.
I think of Nick washing my body with his rough hands in a soft
and delicate manner. The way his hands ran over my most sensitive and
delicate parts, making me lose myself. The trail of fire he left behind after
every single scorching touch. I can’t stop thinking about the way he made
me feel. So powerful, so confident, and so loved.
“Oh, fuck! Baby, I’m close,” he says again and I push my head
back, wanting to feel that moment again.
Pushing him into me even more, I ask him to not stop. I’m so
close too. I can feel the pressure between my hips grow. My mind fogs up,
and my senses stop functioning. I’m about to lose myself to the memory of
Nick Jackson loving me senseless.
But he stops. His breathing is harsh, and I feel the heat on my
neck as he pauses his motions. I open my eyes to find out why he had
stopped.
“Why did you stop?” I ask him, and he takes a moment to gather
himself. “Ted?” I ask again. Both of our sweat is mingled from the
impromptu sex we were having.
“I came, Carter,” he confirms as he removes himself from me and
collapses beside me in my bed.
I’m coming down off my high. Not in the way I wanted, but I did.
“Fuck, that was wild, babe.” He chuckles as he pulls me closer to his chest.
“Right?” he asks me and I nod soundlessly, trying to push down my sexual
energy.
When I listen to his breathing go from rapid to even, I know he
has fallen asleep after what we did. I stare off into the darkness of my own
home, sexually frustrated that I didn’t get to finish. Even then, if I did, I
would have felt every bit of guilt. I was thinking about someone else and
not my own boyfriend.
It was a fantasy.
Just a fantasy.
It’s then that reality hits me square in the face.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
You Deserve Happiness Too

Nick
“You alright?” TJ asks as soon as the door swings wide open of
their home.
“I’m fine.” I shove off my jacket and make my way towards the
stairs so I can go to bed in peace. That motherfucker and the fucking nerve
to smirk at me as if he won when she got in the car. He had the nerve to do
that to me. The next time I see him, I will wipe the smugness off his face
and rearrange his looks while I’m at it.
I challenged him right back. I stared at him without any hesitation
and let him know that I was not backing down. I won’t. I refuse to.
I wanted nothing more than to get out of the car and drag him out
and punch him until that smirk was no longer on his face.
She’s not a toy. He needs to know that. She’s not his and he has
another thing coming if he believes that.
I know she still has feelings for me. I can see it every time she
looks at me. I know it’s there, I just have to figure out how to reignite that
flame. I don’t know how though. It’s been five years and she’s a little older,
stronger. She’s not the same girl she once was, she’s all woman.
“Hey, Nick.” TJ grabs hold of my arm to stop me when I reach the
first step.
“What?” I ask with a growl, unhappy that he stopped me.
“Come with me for a sec.” He gestures his head towards the
kitchen and I shake my head to reject the offer, wanting to be alone for the
rest of the night. I need to cool down, I’m too riled up over Ted. “Please?”
He pouts, trying to lighten my mood. “Haley, would you mind if we had
some guy time for an hour or so?” he asks my sister, who begins to read
between the lines.
 “I don’t need a therapy session, TJ. I said I’m fine, so leave it at
that.” I stand my ground but my sister nods and squeezes my shoulder as
she passes by me on the stairs.
“I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” She smiles and blows TJ a kiss
as she nears the top of a grand staircase.
“Come on.” He releases my arm and begins to walk towards the
kitchen, not checking to see if I’m following. After a few moments of
standing alone on the steps and watching him disappear, I sigh to myself
and follow after him like a dog. He knew I would, it’s what you get for
being best friends for so long. We know each other inside out by this point.
“Here, Gatorade seeing as we can’t have beer.” He pushes to me a
blue Gatorade to me and begins to walk out towards the back. Sliding the
door across, we’re both met with a cool breeze as we walk out on to the
decking of their expensive home. My feet meet with the cream tiles as we
set ourselves up on the seats with white covers.
TJ lets out a loud sigh as he sits back and listens to the sound of
cars moving and horns beeping in the distance. The cool night coats us as
we sit and listen to nothing in particular, just the sounds of our
environment.
I look down at the droplets forming on the side of the plastic
bottle he handed me. I trace my fingers across it and allow them to fall
freely. I open it up with my teeth and take a long needed gulp of it. The
sweetness of the drink clouds my mouth.
“I’ll ask you again, are you alright?” he begins and I lift my head
up to see him already watching me. We stare at one another, and I silently
communicate that I’m not alright. I’m the furthest thing from alright. “I
thought so.” He nods and sips on his own drink. Sinking down into his seat,
he lifts his feet up and puts them on another seat. “Don’t tell Haley.” He
points at me and I chuckle back, knowing my sister will kill him for putting
his feet up on the new white seat covers she bought last week.
“I just don’t know what to do anymore, TJ. This guy has her
wrapped around his finger,” I tell to him while facing out into the night.
“He actually doesn’t. Carter doesn’t take much shit from him. He
thinks he’s doing that, but all he’s doing is testing her boundaries.” TJ
inhales the cool, crisp air. “I know he is. He’s good too. He does this shit all
the time in work, so he’s brought it into the relationship. He’s just pushing
her boundaries, which isn’t very good to have in any relationship.
Boundaries should be respected, but he just. Keeps. Pushing.” TJ
punctuates the last part for emphasis. We’re soon going to officially be
brothers. We have been for the longest time. I know he’s on the right side,
my side. But at the same time if I’m in the wrong he will tell me.
“Do you like him?” I ask him and he turns his head around to face
me with the bottle hanging out of his mouth. I face him, too, when I catch
the movement in the corner of my eye.
“Honestly, he’s not a bad guy. He’s dedicated to his job, and I
admire that, but I’m not sure Carter holds that same admiration. He works
hard, Nick, you can’t fault a guy for that. It’s cutthroat out here,” he says
while waving his hand to the LA skyline. Even though I hate the guy, I have
to agree. He does have some work ethic. “But do I think he’s right for
Carter? No. They’re not compatible for one another. I’ve known this for a
while but I’ve kept my mouth shut. They just don’t suit one another very
well, and I think it’s becoming more evident.
“Haley hates him, too, because he can be condescending to her
sometimes. I’ve spoken to him about it; she’s my fiancé, and I didn’t
appreciate what he was saying or the way he was acting towards her. He
stopped and we now have a mutual understanding. She’s still holding a
grudge, though, you know what she’s like.” He rolls his eyes and I snort.
Yeah, that’s my sister alright. “She’s Team Nick though. She’s always had
your back when it came to Carter. Maybe not at the beginning, but when
you broke up and Carter had time to heal, she always brought you up here
and there to see how she would react and to keep you in their loop. She
always has your back, Nick,” TJ confesses something that he’s kept to
himself for a few years. I knew my sister always had my back, even when I
was in the wrong. We’re family, and blood is thicker than water.
“And how did Carter react?” I ask, hoping it’s good.
“You remember when we were younger and we used to sneak out
to parties and stuff? Your parents never found out about it because we told
nobody and told them we were studying?” he asks me, changing the topic
of conversation. I nod anyway to see where he’ll go with this. “And you
told me when you sat down for dinner and your mom asked how the study
date went? You smiled then stopped yourself and lied to her.” It suddenly
makes sense.
 “Yeah.” I nod, not seeing the funny side to it.
“That’s how she reacted with you. Every single time you were
mentioned, she was happy for a split second and then stopped herself
because she remembered what had happened between you two,” he brutally
informs me of the idiotic mistake I made. I can’t keep dwelling on the past,
I have no right. The only thing I should do now have is to try and fix it, to
heal her and myself, and to also bring us back together.
“I was meant to be with her forever,” I confess soundlessly.
“You still can be, Nick.” He pushes himself up straighter in the
chair.
“How? She can’t look at me for more than two seconds anymore.
Plus, he’s in her head while he treats her like nothing. She doesn’t deserve
that. She deserves to be treated with respect. I know I haven’t done an
impeccable job with her, but I need a second chance, TJ. I need her back. I
want her back in my life. I want that chance. She means absolutely
everything to me. I know I’ve fucked up and I keep doing it, but I just don’t
know what to do anymore. She has me running around in circles again. It’s
why I kept my distance all these years. I let her go, hoping that we could
move on, but seeing her again . . . I can’t stop myself. She’s the first and
only girl I’ve ever loved, TJ.” My voice cracks when I tell him this. I could
see the pity on his face; that’s something I don’t need. I am desperate for
her to be back in my life.
“Well, you better get on your hands and knees because you know
you’re going to have to crawl back and grovel. She’s not going to give you
a shot that easily, man. She’s scared you’ll break her heart again.” I nod,
knowing that I have to crawl on my hands and knees through shards of
glass to get her back. I would do anything for her. You name it, I’ll do it.
“You never told me how bad it got after we broke up,” I say to
him.
“And I never talked shit about you to her either, or anyone.” He
points the bottle top at me. “I have always been on your side, Nick. I’m not
going to lie to you man, when that all happened, it was difficult to pick a
side. I never told you this but the sound of her crying haunts me to this day.
Every night, it was the same misery.” He stares at me in a daze,
remembering all the nights he’s talking about. “When she would see me, I
could see her close up on me just because you and I are so close and are like
brothers. She tried to hide it, but she always kept me at a distance, even
Haley.” He shakes his head dejectedly. “She was crazy about you, and you
shattered her into pieces. She would spend days in her room and we would
all wonder if she was in there or not. Each night I stayed over, I could hear
her wailing in the next room like a banshee, asking herself why she was
never good enough for anyone. I actually heard her saying that. And I’ve
always had your back, Nick—always—but you did her wrong. I’m not
saying you shouldn’t have chosen football over her, that was your choice
and I wasn’t in the room when your dad kicked off, but you were stupid to
think that there wasn’t an alternative,” he brutally tells me.
Usually, TJ is not this honest. His words hurt, but I know he’s
doing this to help me realize the gravity of the mistake and why she’s so
hellbent on removing herself from any situation that involves me. I already
know how much I messed up. I’ve stayed away from her, thinking that was
what she wanted. I thought she would never want to see me again. But now
that I’m here in LA, we can’t escape each other.
“I panicked. I thought my dad was going to speak to her and he
would have made it a lot worse. I panicked and ended it myself,” I defend
myself, but I know my words are hollow. “I didn’t know what else to do. I
was so scared that my dad would get to her before I did and ruin her,
discredit her and her family when it wasn’t her fault. I knew I could’ve had
both, TJ, but at the time, I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I didn’t
know how to handle the situation. I regret my decision. I have been
miserable for the past five years without her.” I could feel myself starting to
breakdown. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” My everything is with
another man, and I can’t handle it.
“You’ve been messing around with other girls, Nick. You’ve gone
back to the old Nick, your old ways. It doesn’t look good. It’s all over social
media and the tabloids. She’s read it, she knows about the girls you’ve
hooked up with. She’s seen it all. You haven’t helped your case with the
rumors and stories going around.” He targets me on the shit that I’ve been
pulling for the last five years. I needed to fill a void, but at the same time, I
knew nobody could compete with her. It didn’t stop me from trying. I used
girls like I had done before I met her. It was wrong, but I needed to feel
something. I needed to feel something like I did with her, but I knew no
other girl would be able to give me that except for her.
 And yet, every time I slept with a girl, I felt nothing for them. It
was like they emptied my emotions. The more I did it, the emptier I felt, but
I kept telling myself that this was going to be the girl . . . and it wasn’t. All I
could think about was her. I was obsessed with her and I couldn’t stop.
I just wanted to feel something, even if it was for a night.
But it never came close to how I felt when I was with her.
“I know. I regret it. The girl I slept with on the plane over here
works with Carter, and she slapped me in front of her when I went to visit
Carter at work.” TJ groans in frustration. “I fucked up, as usual, I know.” I
roll my eyes at myself. I need to stop this. I’m tired of making my own
mistakes one after another. Even when I’ve learned my lesson, I continue to
make the same mistakes over and over.
In short, I’m an idiot.
“You’re an idiot.” He shakes his head in disapproval and I chuckle
to myself.
At least we’re on the same page. “I know. I just keep fucking up.”
I sigh at my own idiotic ways. I landed myself in this one, and I continue to
do so.
“Well, you need to get yourself together if you want to get her
back. No more of this sleeping around anymore—fuck, I sound like your
mom.” He sips on his Gatorade and wears a disgusted look on his face to
make me laugh even more at him. Placing both feet on the floor, he leans
forward and rests his elbows on his knees. “Okay, so you need to prove to
her that she’s the one. She is the one, right?” he asks.
I give him a deadpan stare and squeeze the Gatorade in his face,
making him wince.
“Asshole,” he mumbles while wiping his face. “You need to stop
fucking around, man, it’s as simple as that. You have the respect for her, so
back it up. Have the respect to stop fucking with other girls and make her
your main priority.
“Fight for her, make her swoon, be kind to her, be there for her,
and love her like nobody else can. Not some random guy she’ll meet at a
bar, not another NFL player, and certainly not Ted. Love her the way only
you can. Just please, for the love of God, keep your dick in your pants for a
while and don’t fuck this up for yourself. No more chances will be given,
Nick. You know this. Not by Rodger Steel, not by her brothers, not by
Elaine Steel, and most certainly not by her. You’re in for the ride of your
life, Nick, so strap yourself in.” He pats my shoulder. “Haley and I will be
right behind you, and I’m pretty sure Danielle will be too.” He winks at me
and pats my back for added reassurance. I know he’ll be there for me
wherever this goes.
One more shot, and if it doesn’t work out, then I’ll walk away and
leave her to a life of happiness with whoever it may be with. Even though it
will kill me to walk away again, I want her to be happy, and if it’s not with
me, then so be it; I still want that chance.
We hear a knock on the door to our right and we both see Haley in
her pajamas smiling and hanging out of the door. “You both okay?” she
asks with a tired smile on her face. We both nod and TJ pushes himself up
off the chair.
“I’m going up to bed,” he says to the both of us. He stops in front
of my sister and kisses her sweetly. For the first time in my life, I didn’t
cringe at the sight of it. In fact, it was something I was missing.
Love.
I was missing that look she was giving him in my life. I was
missing that look from the woman that I love.
“Alright, babe. I’ll be up soon.” She shuts her eyes as he kisses
her head. “I love you,” she whispers delicately.
“I love you,” he responds without hesitation.
After that, he leaves. She pads her feet on the tiles to me and
placed herself in front of me. Wrapping both arms around me, I’m surprised
that she was actually hugging me. Automatically, I find myself returning
her hug and resting my chin on her shoulder as I hold my sister close to me.
“It’ll be okay,” she whispers softly to comfort me. I know it will,
it’ll just take time and a lot of patience. She hasn’t healed from me, and I
need to allow her to. I just wish she wasn’t with someone while she did it.
“I know.” I sigh and hold my sister closer to me. “It’ll all work
out, I just don’t know how it’ll end,” I confess my thoughts.
“You do know you have to work ten times harder, Nick. It’s not
going to be easy, but I’m sure TJ has already told you that.” She smiles
knowingly down at me and cups my face in her petite hands. “She’s a
fragile girl and she always will be, but she’s careful with guys. Especially
now that you’re back in her life, she’s very careful. She’s taking time to
adjust to you again. It’s been five years.” Haley bobs her head from side to
side as we pull out of the rare embrace.
“I know,” I repeat with a deep exhale. I run my hand down my
face as I think about everything that has led to this moment.
“Why did you leave her for so long?” she asks. It’s the same
question I ask myself too.
“I thought she deserved better. She does, and I tried to set her free.
But I can’t, I’m too selfish when it comes to her. I can’t stay away from her,
Haley. I’ve tried and failed so many times. ” I shake my head and stare at
my younger sister.
“I know, Nick, I know.” She rests both of her hands on my
shoulders and bows her head down so we’re level. “Look, I know you guys
are perfect for each other. So does everyone else, even though some people
don’t want to admit it, but you hurt her. You really . . . hurt her. It was the
one thing that she thought was different about you, but you proved her
wrong and chose football. I know she would never let you choose between
the two. She would have wanted you happy, but you and I both know that
you made a really wrong decision. You’re not happy and I can see that. That
fake smile you put on for the cameras doesn’t fool me. I’m your sister, and I
know you haven’t been happy since the breakup. You know you could’ve
had both—”
“It wasn’t that simple then, Haley. I know I fucked up, and
because of that, I’ve lost the one woman that I have and will ever love. I
had to make the decision before Dad ruined her. Do you know what he
would have done to her? What he’s capable of? I didn’t want that—I didn’t
want him to do that to her. I wanted her to be happy and free from him and
his torment. It’s all on him, and I’m an idiot for believing that I had no
choice. I did have a choice, and I should have made an effort before now.
She knows that, I know that, everyone fucking knows that!” I find myself
getting wound up every time I talk about this. I’m pissed at my dad, but I’m
fuming with myself. I take a deep breath to calm my racing thoughts. “I was
so scared that if he spoke to her first, he’d ruin the possibility of a future
between me and Carter, but it looks like I’ve done that all on my own.” I
bite on my lip and look past my sister out towards the dark garden.
“Look at me. You don’t get to throw yourself a pity party. You’re
a Jackson, for crying out loud. You want her, you’ve got to get your shit
together and grovel, Nick. It’s the only way and you know it. You’re
working with a Steel woman. It’s not going to be easy, but don’t start
beating yourself up. You’re ten times the man Ted is; I know you are. She
knows it, too, she just refuses to admit it. She’s stubborn and you know
that! So, get up and grow a pair of balls, win her back.”
She points to me and continues, “You don’t get to sulk over a
decision you made over five years ago. That was then and this is now. You
were young and stupid, make up for it. It’s your time, Nick, don’t waste this
chance . . . because it’s your last one.”
Haley snaps me out of my reverie and I’m grateful she did. I was
starting to wallow in my own self-pity. I don’t have that right. “I’m on your
side, Nick. I am, but you have to get up and try again. And you keep trying
until you have the woman of your dreams,” she promises me.
I nod, knowing that she has always been on my side, even when
she knows I was wrong to end things with Carter. Haley was always there
for me, and she always reminded me that she will always be there for me,
even when I didn’t deserve it.
“Thanks, Haley.” I smile at my sister who has been on this painful
journey with me, backing my corner and sticking by me and my stupid
mistakes.
“Now, come on. Let’s go to sleep. I’m so tired and ready to dive
into my bed.” She smiles and yanks me up. I chuckle as she leans all of her
body weight backwards to get me onto my feet and follow her into the
house, feeling like I rightfully got my ass kicked into place by her and TJ.
“ ’Night.” I kiss the top of her head before she leaves me. “I love
you,” I whisper into her hair and pull back, smiling down at her.
“I love you too, Nick. Remember what I said!” She grips on to my
hand and squeezes it softly. “You deserve happiness too.” With that said,
she leaves me standing in the hallway and shuts the door to her and my best
friend’s room.
I let her words sink in deep into my core.
You deserve happiness too.
Do I look that miserable all the time?
Probably.
I roll my eyes at my subconscious and its heavy opinion.
 As I pick up my feet and wander down to the room they’ve given
me until I’ve found the right place. I’ve looked in Bel Air, where it’s
exclusive and private; just what I need. I don’t need people in my business.
I don’t need their judgment or their opinions. They don’t even know the real
me; I don’t want them to get the chance to.
I open my door and shut it softly behind me. I know nobody has
fallen asleep yet, and the house is big enough for me to not hear anything in
their room and for them to hear nothing from mine. Thank God.
I kick off my shoes and lift my top off, catching a glimpse of
myself in the mirror that’s hanging on the wall. I run my hand over my
pecks, touching the lines inked onto my skin forever and remembering the
time I made the decision to get it.
It was our last college game, we were in the championship finals.
I was sitting on the sofa at the party I was at, it was held at one of the guy’s
cousin’s house who lived near campus. I was sipping on an ice cold beer
and had just been staring off into space. Everyone gave me my own space
to allow me sit and think. I hadn’t been myself at the time. Sitting alone, I
had multiple thoughts in my head, but getting a tattoo kept returning to my
mind.
So, I left the party by myself and went to the nearest parlor. It
took me a while to get there, but I needed to be alone. I got the ink scribed
onto my skin, yet I can’t remember a single moment of it. All I did was
stare at the ceiling and think about her.
I made that choice. I don’t regret it. She’ll always have a special
place in my heart, no matter what happens.
I swallow down hard as I stare at the black faded letters on my
skin. I can even feel my heart thumping just at the thought of her. I trace the
letters with the tips of my fingers.
I shut my eyes, remembering what it felt like to have her touch
my skin once again. The electric feeling she left as she makes a blazing trail
behind each stroke, that moment meant the world to me.
I watched her get lost in the moment. She didn’t even realize she
was doing it. That gave me hope.
I clutch my chest and drop my head down to the floor. My heart
becomes heavy just thinking about her, like always. It’s so hard to restrain
myself when I’m around her. My body and mind instinctively long for her.
It longs for her to make my heart whole once again.
When she realized what she was doing, her eyes clouded over
with so much pain, and that stung me. It pains me to see her hurt like that
and to know that I am the cause of it.
I back away from the mirror and lay flat on my back on top of the
bed I have for the next couple of weeks. I stare up at the ceiling once again
and think back to the day I ended things with her. The day I regret the most
in my life. The day my dad and I fractured our relationship, all because he
put too much pressure on me to break it off. The day I ended things with her
when I shouldn’t have.
I should have fought for her. I could’ve been an even better
football player with her by my side.
I could have had it all.
And now, I’m just a miserable man with a dark cloud following
me wherever I go. As much as I’d like to continue to blame my dad for it, I
had five years to make it right. But I knew she wouldn’t have me back. I
was scared to take the chance, scared to see that she could have moved on.
And she did. I knew I had broken her, and I knew she wouldn’t want
anything to do with me.
But seeing her now only shows that there is still something
between us and that I should have made the effort years ago. I should have
fought for her before now.
Five years later is not good enough, Nick.
I run my hand down my face and think about how I can make this
right.
What do I need to do?
Get rid of fuck boy, first and foremost.

* * *

Carter
I have a throbbing headache from the little monster in between me
and her mother. There’s only so many times I can take that stupid shark
song. It’s all my dad’s fault too. He knew that he’d get her to sing. Driving
up front, he’s bopping his head along to her singing at the top of her lungs
strapped in heavily to the seat next to me while waving her hands in the air
and making my ears ring. If she had toned her voice down, I could tolerate
it, but for her, this is the toned down version.
I flick my eyes to Danielle and send her a pleading look. “I’m
sorry,” she mouths to me and I sigh, nodding my head to tell her that it’s
fine. She’s only a kid, she doesn’t know any better.
All I know is that she’s exactly like her father with how energetic
she is and fearless like her mother. That is, until she meets someone new.
“You ready to scream for your daddy, sweetie?” my mom asks her
as we drive towards the stadium to watch my brother play. Her body is
facing out the front window and her head is turned around to face her
granddaughter.
“Yeah!” She smiles excitedly since she’s going to see her dad play
on the field once again. She enjoys going to his games. “Can I have a hot
dog?” she asks her grandmother and she happily agrees to her request. She
normally goes for nachos and then brings them home. A hot dog is a
change.
“Of course you can!” My mom pats her knee and winks at her.
My parents would bend over backwards for this kid and I can understand
why.
“Where is Austin?” I ask anyone who can answer me.
“He’s already there. He couldn’t wait for someone who took too
long to get ready.” My dad side eyes my mom, who flicks her hair proudly.
“And I look fabulous!” She smirks.
We giggle at my mom who doesn’t care if anyone judges her for
taking too long to get ready. Her oldest son should know by now that she
takes a lifetime to get ready for these events.
As we drive to a secluded section of the stadium for players and
their families, a valet takes the car from my dad. He’s greeted by flashes
from numerous cameras as soon as he steps out of the vehicle. Taylor
knows to hide from the cameras. Chris doesn’t like pictures of her out in the
media even though they’re everywhere in the stadium too. He protects her
at all costs.
Danielle pushes her tiny head into the crook of her neck and
cradles the back of it as she walks with her daughter into the building,
answering no questions.
My dad, out of courtesy, answers a few questions the media have
for him. It’s part of his job.
“You okay, honey?” Danielle asks Taylor as soon as we’re inside.
She nods, knowing it’s part of the process in coming here. She lifts her head
and pushes back her hair out of her face and sends her mom a wide grin.
We wait for my dad to come in and join us after he finishes
talking to the media. When he does, Taylor practically leaps out of her
mother’s arms and into my dad’s.
“Alright, where is Uncle Austin?” My dad searches the crowd for
my brother. We all join in on the search party to find him. It’s Danielle who
finally spots him.
“Over there! Near the bar.” She points with a huge smirk on her
face. Once we see where she’s pointing to, we see the large animal flirting
with the barmaid behind the long wooden table top. I roll my eyes at my
brother, who hasn’t even thought about settling down once. He’s too busy
enjoying his lifestyle as the country’s top athlete and most eligible bachelor.
He’s enjoying the perks that come with it, if you know what I mean.
“Like father, like son, huh?” My mom rolls her eyes and we all
approach Austin from behind.
“Uncle Austin!” Taylor squeals from over his shoulder as we near
him. He flinches and turns quickly around to see my mother silently
scolding him for his ways. She’s wanted him to take some time and try to
find the girl of his dreams, but he’s of the opinion “it’ll happen when it
happens” and that drives her nuts. Austin has always been the laid back
brother when it comes to love. Chris is laid back, too, but Austin is almost
horizontal with it.
“Hey, kid!” He quickly turns away from my mom and greets his
niece. He greets everyone else soon after. Lifting his arm to pull back his
sleeve, he checks the time on his wrist. “Almost time for the game.” He
nods and turns around to face my dad. “You want something to drink, old
man?” he asks him and Taylor let’s out a raucous giggle, gathering a few
eyes in the place. Austin bounces her in his arms to prolong that infectious
giggle of hers that makes each of the men in our family melt.
“I’ll just have a beer, son. One will do for me today, I need to
stick to my nutrition plan.” He rolls his eyes and nudges his head to my
mom, who elbows him playfully in the gut.
“I’m not the one who told you that you’re borderline diabetic. It’s
a serious health condition, Roger, and you know it,” she reprimands him,
unimpressed by his loose morals. I can see she’s serious but trying to keep it
lighthearted for Taylor’s sake. My mom has always worried about my dad’s
eating habits; she’d do anything to get him to eat healthier but she finds it
hard to break his habits.
“I know, honey. You know I’ve been taking this seriously!” He
wraps both arms around her and kisses the crown of her head in adoration
for her looking out for him.
“It can lead to more complications if you don’t keep an eye on it,”
she mutters as she rests her cheek on his chest. My parents embracing each
other has always made me cringe, but as I get older, I’ve become more
appreciative of their love for one another. It makes me want what they have.
We turn silent when announcements start echoing around the
stadium for a moment, announcing that people need to take their seats and
what food is available at the stadium. As we wait for the unknown voice to
stop talking, we all decide to grab snacks and drinks before we sit down and
join the rowdy crowd.
“Alright, kids, go get your food. We’ll meet back here in ten.” My
dad claps his hands to gather our attention. Taylor copies him and starts
clapping like he did, making him melt inside. He kisses her head, having
been smitten by her actions. After that, we all walk to our usual stands to
get our food. As I queue up alone in the noodle bar stand, I overhear two
guys in front of me talking about the players.
Nick in particular.
“I’m dying to see how he fits in, man, he’s literally the next
Austin Steel. We’re lucky we picked him up when Steel decided on the
Giants’ contract. Traitor,” he jokes with his friend, making me laugh under
my breath.
“I know man. This should be a good game. He’s a different type
of player, he’s a little more broody—quiet and collected. Austin Steel is
more . . . out there.” He laughs, and I couldn’t help but quietly join in too.
“I heard he’s quite the player.”
“In what way?” the other one asks.
“The ladies,” his friend confirms.
 “Oh yeah? I haven’t heard much about that side of him, but I can
see the appeal. He’s got that, dare I say it, bad boy look about him.” The
guy folds his arms across his chest.
“Ah, he’s quiet. That Nick guy usually keeps to himself but Cara
goes wild for him whenever he’s on the screen.” He shakes his head and I
couldn’t agree more. Judging by how the girls at work reacted to his
commercial, I know the rest of the nation have been drooling over him
since his first TV appearance.
“Ah, I don’t blame her. He’s a good looking dude!” they joke and
it makes me smile once more. I love sports fans; they all have a playful
sense of humor.
“She got his cover photo on GQ magazine as the background on
her phone. How the fuck am I meant to compete with that?” he jokes and
smacks his stomach playfully. “I had us as mine and then had to swap it for
Emily Ratajkowski. She didn’t even bat an eyelid, she just continued to
spew facts about Jackson the entire time!” He chuckles.
“Next!” the cashier calls out for the next person to step forward.
“Lay the facts on me. I know you absorbed something.” His friend
laughs. “Hi, I’ll have an egg roll with beef sauce and egg noodles, please.”
He places his order and turns to his friend, who tells her he’ll have the
same.
“Apparently, he gets the magazines to airbrush his body because
he has tattoos that he doesn’t want people to see. You rarely see him with
his shirt off because of it. He’s a very private person. He’s looking for a
home in Bel Air and he’s only had one girlfriend in his life. I mean, he has
dated, but nothing has ever lasted.” I couldn’t help but smile at the last fact
he said. Haley always told me that he wouldn’t date for a long time. She
was always worried about him but would keep it to herself sometimes.
He went into a dark hole after our breakup, and so did I.
“Only one? How can he look like that and only have one
girlfriend in his entire life? Is it by choice or . . .?” His friend asks.
“Cara seems to think so. You rarely see him out with girls, and
they’re usually just socialites wanting a higher status. Jesus.” He randomly
starts laughing loudly.
“What?” His friend looks at him out of curiosity.
 “We sound like Cara and Jess right now.” They chuckle and pay
for their food, leaving me standing there wanting to hear more.
“Next!” she calls for me to step forward.
“Hi, I’ll have the chicken stir-fry and fried rice, please,” I tell her
my usual order whenever I come to these games. Usually, families of the
players are in the box seats but we like to actually sit with the crowd. We
like the atmosphere, especially Taylor. She gets to see her dad play on the
field instead of having her face pressed up against a glass window and
complaining that she can’t see him.
As I pay for my food, I walk back to the meeting point we all
agreed to so we can get escorted by security down to our seats safely. Being
from the Steel family has us vulnerable in any of the stadiums we go to.
My dad, mom, and Taylor are already there. As we wait for
Danielle to come back with her and Taylor’s food, we stand around and talk
for a moment. Then we’re soon joined by the rest of them.
“Everyone ready to go?” My dad asks after counting heads, and
we all nod before making our way over to the security detail that has been
assigned for us for getting down to our seats and to protect us for the
duration of the game.
NFL fans can be unpredictable and wild, especially with my dad
and brother.
“Alright, let’s go.” My dad taps the first security guard on his
shoulder to tell him we’re ready. He nods in response and says something
through the microphone he has. There are four guards in total for us as we
pass through the glass doors to get down to the seats.
I can hear fans screams for my dad and brother as we follow the
steps down to the field side seats Chris and TJ has assigned for us for the
season’s home games.
A loud voice echoes once more around the stadium and it gathers
everyone’s attention. “From everyone here at the stadium, we would like to
welcome some NFL royalty today. Please put your hands together to
welcome the Steel family today!” The voice makes it known that we’re
here. Every time they do this, I get so embarrassed because the entire
stadium’s eyes are on us and I hate the feeling of being watched.
A booming sound of cheering and a round of claps take over the
stadium as we near the section reserved for us. My dad waves at everyone
and thanks them for their support, despite being a coach of another team, as
does my mom and brother. My dad has a lot of fans because he’s very
talented at what he does. He has a knack for teaching people, talking to
them, and getting them to work on and improve the weaknesses of their
game. He delivers the message they’re missing to make them outstanding
players and teams.
After every game, players would often focus on what they did
right for their game. He, in contrast, would point out what they need to
work on without sounding negative about it. He would say, “if you could
improve on this, I could see you here in the future.” Nine times out of ten, it
worked for them. He would morph them into great players—the best
players. It’s why he has a phenomenal record for the most Super Bowl wins
and for just getting into the finals. He doesn’t win all the time, but he’s the
number one coach in this industry for a reason.
He shakes hands with a few supporters as we make our way down
the aisle. My dad talks to some of the much younger fans that are lining the
stairwell. Finally, we get to our seats without much hassle. Danielle has
Taylor locked to her side as she carries her down.
The atmosphere is energetic with a few wolf whistles, rowdy
cheers, and some horns being blown. The fans are ready to go, and I’m sure
the team will be just as hyped for their first game back this season.
After a few moments of light chatter among the crowd, we were
told to stand on our feet for both teams. The Saints are the first to arrive,
and they make an entrance to remind the stadium of who they’re up against.
The booming beat carries across the seats and to the back, making the hair
on my neck stand up. The powerful presence of the opposing team is made
known. and we’re anticipating the home side’s arrival. It should be an
interesting game, but seeing as it’s Nicks first game with the team and as
the first-string quarterback for the Chargers, it could be touch and go. They
can’t afford to lose this game.
The crowd politely claps for the away team as we wait for the
reason why we’re all here today.
“Please put your hands together for the Chargers! Let’s hear it!”
The announcer pumps everyone up as usual and we all greet the team with
thunderous cheers. The beat of the motivational song echoes around just
like the previous song, only this time it’s stronger and gathers all the
attention in the surrounding area.
“Yay, Daddy!” Taylor calls for my brother but gets drowned out
by the song. Danielle bounces her on her hip to get her excited but she
honestly doesn’t need it. She’s always excited to see her dad play.
With her tiny Steel jersey on, she waves her hands around to try to
get his attention. Like every game she’s at, he always searches for her in the
crowd to give her a big smile and a kiss. Today is no different. With his
helmet in his hand, the rest of the team follow him. He stands on his field
and blows her a kiss, sends her and her mom a wave.
I spot Nick strolling out with his head down as he follows the
team out. TJ is beside him as they make their way towards the team for the
national anthem. Both of them are not wearing their helmets.
As they all stand side by side, everyone stands to sing the national
anthem. The audience quietens down quicker than expected. You can
practically hear a pin drop.
He instantly finds me in the crowd.
His eyes take my breath away.
Those green pools of sadness stop my heart from beating. The
remorse I can see through them; the regret and pain.
It’s all so familiar.
I wore that same look. It has my heart aching. I want to take away
his pain but my head reminds me that he created it. For both of us.
I just can’t stop feeling the way I feel for him.
Everyone fucks up at some stage in their lives. He fucked up
during college.
My heart is telling me to give him a shot at just being friends
while my head is telling me that, that’s playing with fire. However, I’ve
always been attracted to fire.
Just as the music starts to play, neither one of us moves our eyes
away from each other. It’s like a staring competition, only this time, it’s not
awkward and it’s not a game to see who loses. It’s something more—
something deeper.
With my eyes not leaving his, I’m stuck in a trance. I can see that
his jaw is taut and tense. I’m so caught up in this that I don’t want to look
away.
 No matter what happened between us, I can’t deny the chemistry
we have. It’s still there, even when I don’t want it to be. I’ve been scared all
these years to ask him what happened and why he pushed me away. I’ve
been terrified to know the truth, but looking at him with those big green
eyes, I know that now is the time.
I want to know.
I want to know what happened between him, his dad, and his
coach.
I want to know it all.
Every. Single. Detail.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
We Need to Talk

Carter
As we all sit and watch the game like everyone else in the
stadium, we cheer each of them on. The more excitement there is, the
louder our cheers become.
My dad and brother tend to be the worst out of all of us. Even
when my dad coaches the opposition, you can always see him smiling when
my brothers make a clean pass or skillful touchdown. He’s their number one
supporter, without a doubt. He has a lot of pride for the two when they hit
the field. There is no denying it.
“Come on, son!” my dad roars at Chris, who is not having a great
day. He’s missed a few passes, and he knows he’s not playing well. Out of
my brothers, Chris is the hardest on himself when things don’t go his way.
Chris was never into school and education, so he knows he doesn’t have
much to fall back on, which is added pressure for him.
I know he could always go back to school in the future, but
everyone in my family knows that it’s not likely to happen. But there is one
thing that he’s confident in: Chris is extremely talented in what he does.
Nobody can deny it, some say he’s the best in his position. Ever.
That’s a huge compliment. I’ve even heard my dad say it to my
mom about how much of a talent he is to watch. He’s a phenomenon. My
dad is very proud of him, and you can see it every time he watches him play
on the field, but he would keep that to himself. Chris’ head is already big
enough with his ego.
“Come on, Chris!” Danielle mutters under her breath as she
watches her partner miss another chance on the field to take the team ahead.
He’s not functioning properly today. He’s not his usually self. Whatever it is
today, he’s off and he knows it.
 “Send it down the line!” My dad stands up out of his seat as we
watch Nick holding on to the ball and seeing who is open. “Launch it!” he
yells again to get Nick to listen to him. The likelihood of Nick hearing him
is very slim. We are close to the field, but there are thousands screaming in
this stadium right now. I’d say he can barely hear himself think right now.
“Come on!” my dad repeats himself. Just as Chris makes another break and
my dad shoots up out of his seat, Nick pulls his arm back to send my
brother the ball. Just as it leaves Nick’s hand, Chris is nearing the end zone.
“Jesus Christ,” my dad whispers in awe as we all watch the ball soar
through in the air. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Austin throw from that far. If
he has, he’s never been accurate enough or made it, but as soon as that ball
leaves Nick’s grip, I knew it has the momentum behind it to reach my
brother. It’s accurate enough too.
Hence, why my dad cursed. I don’t think he’s ever seen anything
like it. There was so much strength and power behind that throw, I don’t
think we’ve seen that one in a long time.
“Last time I saw a throw like that was in the eighties; Vincent
Waldorf.” My dad keeps his eye on Nick even though his son gets the
touchdown. The crowd erupts in a mountain of cheer. Taylor screams in
happiness in her mom’s arms. She begins to scream for her dad because he
finally got some points on the board. TJ has been doing all the work up
until now.
My dad hasn’t sat down nor has he acknowledged the fact that the
team has scored. He’s still staring at Nick, who hasn’t joined in on the
celebrations. He’s just getting himself back into position and is waiting for
his team to join him. He withdraws himself from the cheers and gets back
into the game. He used to not be like that. If anything, he would be
instigating the celebrations.
“Rodger?” my mom calls from him. He finally takes his eyes
away from Nick and looks to the voice calling for him. “You okay?” she
asks as soon as their eyes meet.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He nods and flicks his attention to me
momentarily before taking his seat between my mom and Danielle with
Taylor in her arms.
I don’t know what that was about. I don’t know why he was all of
a sudden invested in Nick for those moments when there was a huge
comeback underway; one his son started when he got his momentum back.

* * *

Nick
I can feel my chest rapidly moving up and down as I catch my
breath from the quick run that I did to get the ball in the air for the boys. If I
see an open man, you can be sure as hell that I will launch the ball at him.
I’ve learned that I won’t always have TJ on the team. He was my
go-to man, the one I could always count on. I knew his style inside and out;
it was what I was comfortable with. It was a familiar routine. Until we got
drafted for different teams, then I had to adjust my game to suit the team I
was on and not for my best friend anymore.
It took a while, but I had a great personal coach to help me focus
on the teammate and to identify their traits on the field. It doesn’t happen
overnight like I thought it would. It took time, and a hell of a lot of patience
too.
I learned how to identify the trigger points of reading a person as I
went on. I read a person’s game through their style of play, getting a feel for
their signature and reading their body language on the field. It’s helping me
work my way up the ladder.
I was slow to it at the beginning, but now, I find myself doing it
off the field without even realizing it.
Now all my games are a rush. I have to pace myself if I want to be
the best. Beating the best means beating the older Steel. Being the best
quarterback in the game means I need to up my own game. Being the best
means you have to beat the current best, and that’s Austin Steel.
Football is my life now. I train every single day. I have a team of
people helping me out and keeping me focused and on target. We’re getting
to the point where I could become number one, but I have to prove myself
on the stage.
The field is my stage.
We call the play to get everyone on the same page. In agreement,
everyone puts themselves into their positions. In a flash, the ball is snapped
back to me and I hold off until I can see a free Lawson, who is trying his
best to rush down the field. Two problems: one, he won’t make it in time as
I have an opposing player running after me with no blocker to help right
now; and two, I need to launch it now or run alone down the field. I take
that option and dodge the player, pushing him off and making a break alone.
I had no other option. No man is free for me to pass to right now, and the
clock is ticking. You must abuse the seconds and use them to your
advantage.
Keep moving forward.
I listen to my breathing growing harsher and harsher as I run
towards the one place that I need to be; the end zone. Drowning out
everything, I know I’ll get my ass kicked if I stand there or pass to Lawson.
I take matters into my own hands and play the hand I was dealt with.
I run and run and run until there’s no space left for me to run. I
find myself at the place where I needed to be.
I yank myself back into reality when bodies crash into me as my
team celebrates around me. Patting my shoulders as a job well done, I nod
back in appreciation for their support. When I turn around to continue the
game so we don’t waste anymore time on this, I meet Chris’s eyes staring
back at me. His stone cold expression makes me freeze. I don’t know what
it is, but he seems to be the one out of the two brothers that has given me a
much harder time. I thought it would have been Austin.
I swallow, apprehensive about his intentions. Is he pissed that I
altered the play?
He saunters closer to me and nods. “Good call. My ass wouldn’t
have made it,” he jokes, making both of us laugh. “I’m not the only one
impressed.” He points his head to the stands. I see Rodger Steel peering
down at the both of us with two hands on his hips. I can tell he’s looking at
me specifically but he’s too far away for me read his face.
I impressed him?
I’m pulled back to the game when someone slaps me out of my
stupor. I jog back to our side to begin another play until the clock runs out.

* * *

“Good game, man!” Jason compliments me. I smile back in

appreciation and take off my pads so I can have a long shower and wash the
sweat and dirt off me.
I crane my arm back to stretch and move it in circular motions to
loosen up the strain I’m feeling again. This reminds me that I must return
for another physical therapy session, and I will only have one person doing
that.
I smile to myself at the image of her helping me out again; her
hands touching me again. Her small fingers feeling for any pain that I have.
If she were to find the source of all my pain, it would be in my chest.
I grab my stuff and make my way into the showers where the rest
of the team are at. Shampoo, body wash, a towel, and my clothes are all in
hand. I shut the door behind me once I get into the cubicle and begin my
routine. Each shower has a designated ice bath for the person using it; each
player gets ten minutes in that ice bath for us to soothe our muscles. It’s the
one thing I love about the end of a football game. I’m always hot and I’ve
always loved cold things.
I smirk down at my friends and strip the remainder of my clothes
off, allowing myself to sink into the tiny, arctic plunge that has been
designed for us to use after games.
I rest my body in the bath for what feels like a short amount of
time before I hear the clock beep at me. I push myself out of the bath and
rest by the side to wait for my body temperature to regulate back to normal.
My entire skin is raw red from the ice cold water but I feel fantastic.
As I wait for my body to adjust, I switch on the shower but then
stop. I don’t want to weaken my immune system going from cold to hot.
I’m lost in my thoughts until waves of rising steam catches my
eye. I know now it’s ready for me to get in.
Minutes later, after working off autopilot, I find myself in a car
with Haley and TJ as we head to the nearest club for celebrations. I’m not
familiar with this place just yet, so I already forgot the name of the place
we’re going to tonight.
When I pictured myself moving out here, I thought it would be a
lot more crazy, but it’s very normal out here. It wasn’t like I expected. I’ve
moved a few times, and nothing is filling the void that made me happy like
in college. I think I know the reason why.
I know that the team will be at the club and we have a sectioned
off area for our safety and for others. We’re two hundred pounds of meat
that can tackle pretty much anyone. Plus, when you have the adrenaline
added in there, we were more than likely to cause damage when there needs
to be some defense.
As I sit in the car with my sister and future brother-in-law, I stare
blankly out the window. Even though I probably played one of my best
games tonight, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something. I
rest my finger across my upper lip as I continue thinking about this, trying
to figure it all out. Before I could, I was greeted with the flash of a camera
in my face. I realize we’ve arrived at our destination.
I spin around to make sure that my sister is okay. She sends me a
quick nod to let me know. I know TJ is keeping her safe, because as soon as
the door opens on her side, he takes hold of her hand and guides her gently
out while pushing back the photographers. My sister is, without a doubt,
very popular in this state. People love to read about her and TJ as a couple.
As I slide out on her side, I’m greeted with screams from girls and
paparazzi asking me to take pictures. I ignore them and continue my way
inside the club. I don’t need this kind of hassle right now. I was enjoying
my peace and serenity in the comfort of my own thoughts. I used to be that
guy who got people’s attention and liked it. Now, I don’t.
I bulldoze past them and get to the doors where I greet the
security team guarding the club. With a quick nod from them, I enter inside
as I try to find Haley in the crowd. Once I spot her waving at me wildly, I
make my way over to her and TJ by the bar. Another checkpoint I must go
through, but I’m let in easily and quickly because they recognize me.
As I near to them, I notice the space in our area compared to the
lack of space elsewhere. I greet some of my team members as I pass by
them to get to TJ. A beverage with no alcohol is held up to me. I usually
don’t drink during the season. I get paid to do a job and I will do it to the
best of my ability, and that’s done with no alcohol in my system like most
of the other players on this team.
TJ toasts his glass with mine. I know both our drinks are free from
alcohol. He has the same one in his hand while Haley holds a martini glass
in hers. She sips on it, enjoying herself and the atmosphere that surrounds
all of us. The heavy bass coming from the vibrating speakers hovers around
us. Gyrating bodies sway back and forth to the beat with a few hands in the
air as people are taken to another dimension while they feel the music. They
let it sink into their pores and drink it up just as fast as the cocktails they
have in their hands.
People are enjoying this.
They are so engrossed in the vibe of the club, and the strobe lights
are adding to the effect. I used to enjoy this, but now, it’s become the one
place where I get bothered the most.
“Excuse me.” I feel a finger tap my shoulder. I sigh to myself and
shut my eyes before turning around to prepare my ‘I’m not interested’
speech.
I’m met with a pair of green eyes that stare back at me. Red hair
and freckles dot across her nose. “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested,” I
explain bluntly and watch her eyes widen in shock, then she smiles.
“Good to know, but I bat for the other team.” She chuckles and I
almost choke on my drink.
“I’m so sorry—”
“Don’t be, it’s cool. I was just going to ask if you wouldn’t mind
stepping off my bag strap? Your standing on it and I need to leave.” She
points down to my foot. I quickly move it out of her way and apologize
again.
“I’m sorry. Here, let me buy you a drink as a repayment for me
being . . .”
“A dick?” she asks with a huge grin. “Thank you, but it’s not
necessary. Like I said, I was just heading out now.” She nods to the door
and just as I look towards it, I feel my breath get taken away again.
Carter enters in a pink top and black leather pants paired with
heels. Her brown hair runs past her shoulders in long waves, framing her
beautiful face as she enters with her arms fidgeting in front of her.
She hasn’t changed a bit.
“My God,” I whisper at the sight of her. She still acts the same
when she’s nervous. Still beautiful as—shit. Ted enters not too far behind
her, slipping his slimy arm around her waist. I notice it because it was an
action that was only for me to see and was paired with a smug smirk on his
face. A real “fuck you” to me.
“Go get her.” The stranger winks at me as she lifts her bag from
the floor. “If you won’t, I will.” She chuckles before waving to me as she
leaves. I couldn’t help but laugh at the joke as I shake my head. While I’m
still smiling, I make eye contact with Carter before she turns on her heel
and watches the girl leave. Swiftly, she rotates her body around and greets
everyone with hugs. Until she gets to me.
“Hi, Nick.” All I get is a small wave.
“Hey, Carter . . .” I greet her back when she finally gives me her
attention. All it took was for me to say her name and I would say it over and
over again just to have her look at me like that for eternity.
“Nick.” I sigh when I hear his sick voice, the taunting tone of her
boyfriend as he greets me. To be honest, I forgot he was even here for a
second; it was pure bliss. Then he made himself known and it all came
crashing down.
I grunt as a response and chug back the contents of the liquid in
the glass. Now, I wish it was a proper beverage with alcohol in it.
“Okay, so, we’re going to get more drinks.” My sister ushers
Carter and Danielle down to a gap in the bar. I wanted to grab her by the
hair and yank her back.
“You already have one!” I tell her and point at the martini in her
hand.
“I need another!” she hollers back and smirks as she drifts with
the two girls into the crowd. I send her a scornful look for moving Carter
away from me.
“Just leave them to it, Nick.” TJ begins to laugh and I turn my
focus back to my teammates and the village idiot, I mean, Ted. “She’ll be
back shortly,” he assures me. He knows that I was only wondering if one
person in particular would return to me.
And not just for tonight.
He nods curtly, speaking a language only the two of us
understand. It’s been this way since we were kids.
“Mr. and Mrs. Steel!” TJ flicks his eyes to the two people over my
shoulder. I greet both of them along with the others, but I begin to smile at
the tense state Ted is in with his girlfriend’s father in attendance. At least I
have one up on him on this.
I play football and her dad is a coach.
Ted hates football and her dad hates Ted.
Simple math, even if Rodger won’t say it out loud.
“How are you?” TJ asks as Chris kisses his mother’s cheek.
 “We’re good, TJ. How are you? The aches and pains aren’t too
bad, are they?” Elaine chuckles as she reaches for her husband’s hand once
more.
“We aren’t too bad; this guy here is as tough as nails. I could
swear he doesn’t feel anything anymore,” he jokes and Ted starts to laugh. I
stand taller and silently wait for him to shut the fuck up and fuck off home.
So, I yawn to amuse myself.
“How are you, Elaine?” I reach over and kiss her on the cheek to
greet her once again. I ignore the stupid idiot that’s beside her still cackling
like it was actually hilarious.
“I’m very well, thank you, Nick. I saw your commercial on the
big screen earlier today. My goodness, you have grown up so much.” She
gives me a motherly smile. “You played brilliantly too. Very skilful on the
field. I’d say your parents are so proud of you.” She was doing so well until
the end. When someone mentions my parents, I immediately shut down. It
reminds me of my dad, and naturally my mom. She stood by him despite
not being very happy with what he did.
“Yeah . . .” That’s all I can manage to say before we are greeted
once again by the girls.
“Dad?” Carter calls to him in amusement. “Why are you here? In
a club?” She chuckles as she greets him with a hug. There is not a moment
you can’t see when these two interact with each other and show so much
love for one another.
“What? I can’t be cool and come to a club with my kids?” He
wraps her up and smiles down at her as she rolls her eyes.
“I thought they’d turn you away after one look at your ID.” She
shakes her head.
“Why? Because I look like I haven’t aged a day?” He wiggles his
eyebrows.
“No, because you’re too old, Dad.” Chris dodges the hand that
was coming toward him from his dad. The rest of them laugh. We’re all in
high spirits from a winning game today. We all played quite well, except for
Chris. Although, he was gathering a bit more momentum towards the end of
the game.
“And why didn’t you come?” Rodger directs his attention to Ted
along with a cold tone. Now it’s my turn to laugh; I do so under my breath
but enough for him to hear me.
“I had work to do, Rodger. I’m a busy man,” he jokes and they
reluctantly shake one another’s hand. Rodger has always been a tough
cookie, but I had begun to break him down when I was dating his daughter
over the time. Ted has had the year and he still hates him.
This interaction is almost comical too.
“Too busy to support my son, or be there for my daughter?” he
bluntly asks and I feel my eyes widen rapidly at how openly he asked that
with no hint of remorse.
“It wasn’t like that—”
“I’m sure it wasn’t, but relationships are all about compromises,
right?” he asks him.
“Football just isn’t my thing—”
“I get that, but have you even tried to watch a game? Go to one?
Huh?” He holds on to his daughter that little bit longer. I can see she’s
uncomfortable about the grilling her dad is giving.
“N—”
“Give it a try, Ted. You might actually like it,” he says.
“No thanks. I’m fine.” Ted takes me by surprise by answering
confidently that it’s not going to happen.
“Okay, so, what did you girls get to drink?” Elaine steers the
question away from the tense and awkward state that it was heading
because of these two in the room.
“Martinis!” Haley answers quickly.
“I’m going to get a beer.” Ted leaves the circle and goes to a spot
that’s the furthest place away in the bar. I watch Carter’s eyes follow him.
She stares up at her father and sends him a look that he knows all too well.
“You shouldn’t have said that, Dad.” She leaves the circle and
follows after Ted.
“Cart—” he calls after her but she continues to follow after him,
ignoring her dad’s plea.
Looks like he’s in trouble.
“She’s right, you know,” Elaine warns him. “You need to stop
giving him such a hard time about football. He doesn’t like it, don’t push
him to and don’t punish him because he doesn’t,” Elaine warns him.
 Rodger scoffs and mumbles something under his breath that
nobody catches. No doubt, it’s about Ted. He doesn’t like him and doesn’t
think he’s worthy of his daughter. Neither do I, but I don’t like to express it
as much as he does.
I suppose it is his only daughter.
“I think we should go and leave these kids to it and before you get
anymore beverages offered to you by the young women in here.” She rolls
her eyes and pushes her husband back towards the door they originally
came from. “We need to go to another bar where there are people our own
age.” She chuckles as they link arms and wave at their daughter, who waves
back before bringing her attention back to her sulking boyfriend.
He needs to suck it up and grow a pair. Rodger Steel is like this
with all the guys around his daughter at first. It’s his thing, a warning to let
them know who’s boss, a test to see who will stick by her and treat her
properly.
“Thank God they left, it’s so weird being in a bar with your
parents.” Chris watches them leave and sighs in relief when they’re out of
sight. They came and went just as quick, but they both left a hell of an
impression. People are giving their attention to the famous couple as they
meander around the bodies, Rodger protectively leading the way.
“Pfft, you hadn’t had a problem with it at first,” Danielle teases
him as she slides into his side.
“My dad is hilarious when he’s had too much alcohol. He’s
smooth with the ladies that hit on him. For an old man, he still has the
charm,” Chris jokes with Austin.
“Like father, like son, right?” Danielle nudges even more into his
side as he leans down to capture her mouth.
“You got that right!” He winks.
“Idiot, you weren’t supposed to agree to that, Chris.” Austin rolls
his eyes heavenward and snorts.
“I’m in busy, Austin.” Chris holds his hand up to his brothers face
as he continues to kiss Danielle, who is giggling as well. “Go find a girl to
bore,” he continues and Austin reaches across to smack him on the back of
his head, making excellent sound that can be heard through the music.
Even after all these years, they still act like typical brothers with
one another. I’ve only had sisters, so I never knew what that felt like, but TJ
is as close to a brother as it gets.
He’ll do, I suppose.
“Ow! Austin, fuck off!” Chris launches for some retaliation but is
stopped by Danielle as she gets in the middle of the two of them.
“Stop!” their sister’s voice sounds drained when she interjects.
I follow the direction of where it came from and see she’s tense as
she stands beside him. Looks like she and Ted had another fight.
“Finally stopped crying?” Chris snorts and Carter shoots daggers
at him.
“Stop.” Danielle swats him to keep his mouth shut. I couldn’t help
but snort though as I catch Austin’s eye. He is also trying to hold back a
smile so he bites on his lip.
“You think that’s funny?” All of a sudden, the fun and games has
turned into something a little different. I turn my head around to face Ted
dead in the eyes. “I said, do you think this funny?” he asks spitefully again.
“Ted—” Carter rests a soft hand on his chest to calm him down
but it doesn’t work.
“I asked you a fucking question!” he yells in my face.
“What the fuck crawled up your ass and died?” I match his tone
and stand my ground. I’m not about to let this fucker to walk all over me. I
know how to hold myself in a fight. I will tear him apart if he tries to swing
at me.
“Ted, maybe—”
“Shut the fuck up!” he booms back at her, making her flinch. I
lose all the patience I have with him. Before her brothers get to him, I beat
the both of them to it.
“Don’t talk to her like that.” I push him to gain his attention.
“Or what? She’s my girlfriend!” He presses his forehead against
mine to prove to me that he’s not backing down. Funnily enough, neither
will I.
“Yeah, alright. Talk to her like that again, and I will beat the
manners back into you,” I warn him. No woman should be spoken down to
like that. Maybe it’s my southern manners, or maybe it’s just my common
sense talking; either way, he shouldn’t speak to anyone with such
disrespect.
 “Oh yeah?” he sneers. “Try me!” he taunts me. I almost take his
bait, but the fact that she’s watching this makes me think about the
consequences. I could lose her for good, and that’s not what I want. “I
thought so. You’re as weak as the relationship you had with her and still are
hoping for,” he scoffs. I can feel the rage burst from me.
I couldn’t even feel the connection my fist made with his face, but
I watch him fall to the ground while cradling his face. Everyone is in
complete shock that I really did that. People stare at me and bring their
phones out to sell this off to the media, keeping my “bad boy of the NFL”
image intact.
“Nick!” Carter yells at me before getting on her knees and
checking if Ted, who provoked me, is alright. I hope he isn’t, because I
don’t regret doing it. What do I regret is her seeing me do it. No matter
what I do, I keep fucking up, and she’ll always there to see it, which makes
me feel even worse. “What are you doing?” She peers up at me in shock
that I did this in front of everyone in the bar.
I notice that people are standing back but are also close enough to
see what is going to happen next.
“Can you get up?” she asks softly down to the guy who doesn’t
deserve her kindness.
“I’m fine!” he replies roughly back at her even when she’s trying
to help.
“What is going on here?!” Rodger returns from the crowd, who
thought he had left, looking between me, Carter, and Ted. He’s a smart man,
so I’m sure he’s put two and two together. I know he stayed to keep one eye
on him and the other on me.
“This asshole decided to punch me in the face.” Ted points a
finger directly at me.
I do nothing but roll my eyes. I wish I could say “You deserved it’
to his face. This isn’t my first fight either.
“Is that true?” he asks me and I don’t hesitate to nod.
“I didn’t like the way he was speaking to Carter,” I tell him
confidently. Like a light switch goes off in his head, he faces Ted once
again.
“And what way did you speak to my daughter?” He lowers his
tone, wordlessly warning him to choose his next words carefully. He
doesn’t sound all that impressed with him.
“It’s fine, Dad. We were just about to leave.” She helps Ted up
and makes sure he’s okay.
He doesn’t deserve a woman like her.
He takes her kindness for granted, and it’s sad that she takes this
sort of treatment from him.
That son of a bitch has been getting on my nerves since day one.
“Carter—” Her dad tries to stop her but she storms off and walks
out on us, Ted following close behind her. She’s mad, I can tell.
“Just leave her to cool down, Rodger,” Elaine comforts him,
rubbing his chest as he stares at his daughters retreating frame. We all watch
her leave with a few shoulders slumped as he follows closely behind her
and cupping his face where I hit him.
“Asshole,” he mutters.
I step forward only to be held back by TJ, who has to intervene to
stop me from hitting him again. I would have done it gladly because Carter
wouldn’t have seen me this time.
“You need to reel it in, Jackson,” Rodger warns me. “That is not
the way to handle things with him. Or Carter,” he continues. I know he’s
right but something about Ted just irks me. “That’s your playing arm, too,
so be very careful.” He makes a valid point.
“Yeah, sorry.” I nod in disappointment at myself. I caused a scene,
and people watched the entire thing play out. Videos of it will be thrown
around by the media come dawn. For now, social media will have it in its
grasp.
“Okay, no more fighting. This goes for all of you, but I’m talking
about you in particular.” Her dad points at me to emphasize his point.
With a tight lipped smile, I agree to keep my hands to myself. I’ll
only wind up in more trouble. I don’t want that anymore when I’m already
in one with Carter.
Just as I confirm, he takes Elaine and leaves for good, following
the pathway out where their daughter had just left moments ago.
I feel a smack on the back of the head; I snap my neck to see who
the culprit is. I see two green eyes staring back at me in a blaze. “Don’t fuck
this up for yourself, Nick. Your chances with her are running out, and if you
keep swinging your fists, you won’t ever get her back. Don’t make it harder
for yourself,” Haley whisper yells at me before nodding her head towards
the exit as well. “We’re leaving too,” she announces to everyone with a
scolding tone directed at me. I’ve never been reprimanded by my younger
sister. Mother, yes, but never by Haley.
As I roll my eyes, I sigh and nod the guys goodbye as I leave,
putting one foot in front of the other. People continue staring at me as I pass
and smile. I ignore their attention and push through the crowd with my
hands in my pockets to keep people from staring even more.
We manage to make it out of the club in a couple of minutes.
It’s at times like these where I wish I could have a restart button
but, then again, he provoked me.
“Stop smiling, Nick,” Haley scolds me again, but as I stare at her,
I begin to see a smile of her own forming on her lips. This makes me smile
even harder. She slides into the car, and I follow her while TJ slips in to the
other side.
“Then what are you smiling?” I mock her.
“I’m not!” she denies, rolling her eyes.
“Both of you, stop.” TJ rolls his eyes with a smile of his own on
his face As we begin to drive away. “You know what you did was wrong,
Nick—”
“I know, I know. I shouldn’t have hit him.” I put both hands on
my face, tired of hearing this over and over again.
“Oh no, he deserved it, but you didn’t have to be so smug about
it.” I whip my head around to face my best friend in shock that he said that.
“As much as I do not like that guy, you shouldn’t have hit him. Be
the bigger man; walk away. You gave him what he wanted,” my sister
voices.
Shit, she’s right. He was looking for me to hit him to prove to her
that I’m not good for her. I should have handled it better. I should have
handled it with my words. No woman should see a fight, period.
I fucked up. Badly.
It’s like playing cat and mouse with this guy. I’m being set up to
look like a dick while he plays the victim. Haley’s right, I gave him exactly
what he wanted.
I walked into his trap and he won this game. I can’t let him
continue winning this. It’s ruining me in her eyes.
 I need her to come back to me.
I need my Carter back.
As we arrive back to the house, we open the door and let
ourselves inside. The lights come on as we enter. There is nothing but
silence from all three of us. We all just think about what happened back at
the club and how stupid I was to walk into his trap.
I should have been the bigger man, and walked away from him
and his juvenile games. Now, I look like a kid.
I run my hand down my face as I think about what to do next.
How should I fix it? How can I make this right again? My thoughts are
interrupted by the door bell chiming.
Quizzical looks are shared between us as TJ pushes Haley back
behind him to protect her. It’s a little late to have a visitor at this hour.
As he opens the door, his frame blocks the mysterious visitor
outside.
“Hey,” he says and steps back out of the way to reveal her. Once
our eyes meet, I can see they’re upset. I can see the pain streaming through
them as we connect. Her eyes are puffy, like she’s been crying, but she still
looks like the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
“We need to talk,” Carter speaks plainly, and I feel my heart sink.
This is it.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
I Would Find You Sooner, Keep You Forever,
and Love You Harder

Carter
“You provoked him, Ted, that’s why you got punched,” I
reprimand him. I’m so mad at both of them for embarrassing me in front of
strangers. Those people in there know who Nick is, and he still swung his
fist.
He could have used his words to get his point across, but he had to
wind himself up in another fight. He’s always in fights, according to the
tabloids. He’s notorious for them when he’s out or even on the field. It’s
like he hunts for one. But he really has it in for Ted. It’s been that way since
the very first day they met.
I’m not stupid enough to not see that they both hate each other.
Whether it’s a personality clash or over me, it’s petty either way.
Be civil. That’s all I ask.
“So you’re taking his side!” he exclaims in shock.
“You provoked him! What were you expecting him to do? Take it
and stay silent?” I wonder in awe at how ridiculous he’s being for not
seeing it from a different perspective.
“Whatever, I expected my own girlfriend to take my side—”
“It’s very fucking hard to when you’re in the wrong, Ted. You’re
lucky that I didn’t make you apologize to him! I swear to God, sometimes I
think your tunnel vision can be your flaw. You cannot see things from the
other side when you really need to. You’re the one that wound him up and
pushed his buttons. Yes, maybe he shouldn’t have hit you, but he did. And
I’m really not all that surprised because, honestly, you’re being a dick right
now!” I clash with him. I’ve lost all the patience that I’ve had tonight with
him—with either of them. They’re both looking for me to snap.
Well, they’ve got it.
I’m at my wits end with the two of them and now, I’m sick of it.
All this back and forth, tit for tat nonsense is making me dizzy
and nauseous.
I’m drained. I couldn’t be bothered with it all anymore.
“I’m being a dick?” he exclaims. “He fucking hit me, Carter! You
saw it—”
“Yes, I did, but you were asking for it. What is it with you and
him? It’s like watching ‘my dick is bigger than yours’ and it’s bullshit!”
“Mine probably is,” he mutters and I glare at him for being so
childish.
News flash, honey, it’s not.
“Really?” I glower at him and he shoots his hands up in surrender.
I can’t believe this. He should know that I’m not messing around right now.
“I’m sick and tired of this shit! I need my space, Ted, that’s final!”
“Carter, are you trying to break—”
“I’m fucking close to it, Ted. Don’t push me!” I begin to storm off
but get held back.
“Don’t walk away from me,” he demands with a growl as I meet
his blazing red eyes. He usually gets like this when we have a fight and he
doesn’t get his own way.
“Lose the attitude,” I threaten him. “Now!” I match his anger as
nothing will stop me from this. I usually back down from any confrontation,
but this time it’s different. I’ve reached my peak and I’ve had enough. I
need to be alone with my own thoughts.
I need time to think about this.
As soon as I say that, his eyes stay the same but his determined
grip loosens as I unravel myself from him and shake my arm out. Stepping
backwards to get much needed space, I begin to walk away from him.
My mind is clouded by both men, and I need to get back to reality
and think about myself. I need to put myself first; I never do.
As I walk down the crowded street, people flood the bars as I pass
by. I keep myself locked away from the surrounding crowd and stroll to
nowhere in particular. I walk until I see nothing but bright lights.
 A boardwalk.
It’s full of rides, games, and food; the smell of hotdogs, cotton
candy, and popcorn wafts through the air as groups of girls scream while
laughter fills the air.
Shirtless college guys joke around with one another as I put one
foot in front of the other. A football is thrown in front of me and I’m
beginning to reminisce about the game I just watched today.
I remember the way Nick handled his play, how fluid he was with
the team. It’s like he’s been playing with them for years. His style is still the
same, he’s just sharper and quicker on the release. I smile thinking about
how I criticized that part of his game at the party we went to in college. It
looks like he took my advice after all.
I remember apologizing endlessly, thinking I had offended him. I
felt bad. I always do when I’m about to point something out that may be
another person’s flaw. I wouldn’t like it done to me. It wouldn’t feel nice.
I find an empty bench and sit down on it by myself and let the
cool breeze flow through my long hair, smelling the seawater as I sit and
wait. I take a deep breath and hold it until I can feel my heart rate slow
down after walking around and being in a heated conversation. Then, I
release it—let it go and float in the wind along with my anger.
This is what I needed, some time to myself; Alone with my own
thoughts.
Over the wooden barrier, I see the reflection of the ferris wheel in
the water. The yellow, orange, and bright pink reflected on the water,
lighting up to it’s own beat and creating hypnotizing patterns to keep me
entertained. I can see the water rippling as the waves come in and out in a
beat to its own drum.
I’m grateful for the alone time. It’s what I needed. No men, no
influences, and no words; just me and my peace.
After what feels like forever out here, I decide to bite the bullet.
It’s now or never.
I need to speak to him.
I need to speak with Nick.
I order myself a taxi to pick me up and drop me outside TJ and
Haley’s house. Next thing I know, I’m pushing the bell to let them know
I’m here in the dead of night.
 The entire ride here, I’ve been thinking over and over how I’m
going to approach the conversation, different combinations of different
scenarios, and none of them are going to be what actually happens.
I haven’t stopped crying because I have never been faced with this
before. I have never questioned my relationship until Nick returned. It’s all
gone downhill now, and I know that we need to clear things up. I need to fix
things.
As soon as the door opens, I’m greeted with TJ’s friendly face.
“Hey,” he says carefully.
I can’t say anything to him. Instead, I search for Nick. He wasn’t
far behind. I meet his eyes and blurt out in a shaky voice, “We need to talk.”
He sighs and nods.
“Come in.” Haley takes my arm gently and pulls me inside, but
Nick and I haven’t taken our eyes off one another.
“Can we have a room?” I ask him, afraid of bringing Haley and
TJ into our mess. This is between us; it always has been. We’ve left it five
years, we’re both to blame for that, but it’s time.
“Yeah, follow me.” I do just that. I follow close behind him while
I squeeze Haley’s hand, letting her know we need to do this.
We head down the hallway and into one of the rooms at the back.
We come into a small yet gorgeously furnished room with moonlight
streaming gently through the bay window, a slight artificial illumination
from the surrounding lamps that are resting on the coffee and side tables
accompanying it. Two sofas face each other, and an wall is filled to the brim
with old books, none of which either of them own or have read. They’re
redecorating this house, and I know this room will be the first to be
revamped.
“Are you okay?” he asks delicately.
“No. You—” I’m beginning to get angry once again, so I squeeze
my eyes shut and take another deep breath. When I open them back up, I
walk towards the window.
I can feel him follow me.
I wipe both my eyes to allow myself time to gather my thoughts
and what I need to say to him.
“I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have punched h—”
 “I don’t really blame you. Not after the way he treated you.” I
laugh bitterly. “I was just surprised that you did it, that’s all. Then again,
maybe I shouldn’t have been.” I stare out the window, seeing his frame
right behind me in the reflection.
“You weren’t surprised?” He sounds disappointed in himself. He
did let himself down.
“No,” I answer back.
“Why?” he asks.
“Your exploits have been covered by the tabloids, Nick. You
answer everything with your fists. It’s not the way to do it, but it’s the way
you handle things, even when you didn’t do this before.” I shake my head.
He threatened others a few times but rarely went through with it. Unless it
was Ryan Averman.
“It’s not me—”
“But it is you.” I spin around and face him. He’s closer than I
thought. I almost bumped into him. “This is now who you’ve become—”
“Not by my own accord.”
“Then whose? Hmm?” I ask sassily. I’m not believing any of this
nonsense.
“That’s not fair.” He shakes his head while stepping into my
space.
“Not fair!” I laugh sarcastically. “You want to talk about what’s
not fair?” And here it goes, the elephant in the room is gigantic now and I
have no choice but to address it. “You walking away five years ago, and
now you’ve all of a sudden found the balls to come and talk to me—”
“Hold on, I messaged you everyday when we broke up and called
you at least three times a day for a solid year. Don’t come at me with that
shit, Carter. You let it die to—”
“Let it die! Are you kidding me. I never let it—” I stop myself,
knowing what I was about to say. I was about to fess up to my deep and
darkest thoughts. As much as I hate to admit it, he still has that effect on
me. I’m still crazy about him, and I sometimes hate myself for thinking
about it.
“I called you, and you never picked up—”
“Did you honestly think I would after everything that happened!”
I can feel the tears leave my eyes. They race down both cheeks as they run
down my neck and disappear. “You dumped me. I was embarrassed and . . .
so fucking embarrassed. Everyone knew! People would look at me with so
much pity. You broke my goddamn heart, Nick!” I yell at him and continue
to allow my emotions to finally spill over. This is the first crack, and I know
there are many more to come. Once they start to connect, the dam will
explode, and everything within me will rush out. I won’t be able to take any
of it back.
“I broke my own!” He matches my tone and stands closer until
we’re almost chest to chest. We’re both breathing harshly as our heart rates
speed up. “Watching you walk away from me that day was the most painful
thing I’ve ever had to watch. I was crazy about you,” he says softly and
licks his lips, almost like he didn’t want to tell me that. “I still am, Carter.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be!” I lash out to him but my heart is torn.
“Go back to fucking Jody. You’re perfect for each other.” The word vomit is
getting worse. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s the jealousy in me.
“I don’t want her.” His eyes are filled with sadness when he
replies to me.
It remains silent for a long time. We can hear the TV in the other
room.
I turn my head to the side as I can’t look at him. I’m afraid to, he’s
just so beautiful it drives me crazy. I’m still crazy about him, too, I always
have been.
“I never wanted her. As dickhead-ish as this will sound, I only
wanted to fill a void inside of me. It’s what I’ve been doing for the past few
years—”
“Bullshit, Nick,” I huff, unimpressed with of the way he’s
handling things, but then I realize that maybe that really was his only way.
Maybe it was the only way he knew how to, because before he met me, he
was already doing something similar. He was filling a void.
He was—is my one true love. I cannot deny that.
“It’s the truth, Carter.” He softens his voice, almost like he was
giving into this. “I swear. It’s not the right thing to do, but it’s the only way
I know how. I . . .” He hesitates for a moment, exhaling harshly before he
continues, “I get with girls so I can feel something, anything.” The
disappointed tone makes a reappearance. I could feel my heart sinking for
him and for me. It’s not something I want to hear, but I do admire his
honesty, even if it took him all these years to do it and even if it’s killing me
inside.
He sits on the edge of the table in the room and rests both hands
on either side of his thighs. He stares down at the floor, then raises his head
for our eyes to meet.
“I broke up with you because my dad told me to,” he begins and I
blink back to look at him again. I’m shocked that this is where our
conversation is going. Haley or TJ never mentioned the reason as to why he
ended our relationship. They never mentioned a word, they never got
involved, and they never commented on it.
I know I said I wanted to know everything, but am I really ready
for all of this?
Is this it?
“What?” I ask in shock.
He scratches his head and stares over at me again with a strip of
moonlight cutting his face. He shifts uncomfortably. We both know this talk
is long overdue.
“After one of the trainings, he and my coach called me aside to
tell me I was distracted and that I needed to focus.” His eyes didn’t even
shift when he tells me this. That’s when I know he’s not lying. He’s being
honest. “I told them that I wasn’t, even when I knew I was. I never blamed
you for it, I blamed myself because I wanted to be with you all the time.”
He chuckles and I blush. It makes me smile nonetheless.
“I was so addicted to you, and being around you made me so
happy. I felt like myself when I was around you. I still do—”
“You don’t seem yourself anymore,” I mutter.
“That’s because I haven’t been coping well,” he confesses
something that I could already see. He hasn’t been himself. I’ve seen
videos, pictures, and interviews of him being a statue; cold and motionless.
This is not the Nick I know or once knew.
“My dad and I got into a fight about it that day. He actually
choked me, and I haven’t spoken to him since—”
“Nick, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-”
“This is not your fault, Carter. I’m not telling you all of this
because I want you to feel like it is your fault. It’s not, it never has been.
This is on me. I wasn’t willing to find a balance between our relationship
and my career. When my game started to slip, I kept brushing it off. All I
wanted to do was be with you.” He smiles to me.
“I thought I could be in our relationship and still play at the same
level,” Nick continues. “I couldn’t, but that was my choice; not yours. I’m
telling you this. because you need to know. I wanted to explain this to you
years ago, but you avoided me—for good reasons too—so it was hard to get
you to talk to me. I never wanted to do it over the phone or through a
message.” He frowns a little.
“It just seemed weak and deadbeat. I couldn’t do that to you. You
deserve better. I’ve always wanted to have this talk with you, but I felt that
you didn’t want to see me or talk to me. So I thought that if I tried to reach
out to you, I would lose you or that you would keep avoiding me. And I
never wanted that.” Hearing his side of the story makes it all so real.
“I was never expecting you to choose me over football, Nick—”
“I know. I was so young, naive, and under so much pressure from
my dad, coach, and scouts from the NFL, I thought that I couldn’t have
both. What made it worse is that they never did this to TJ and Haley. It was
only to me and you. I never forgave my dad about all the things he said
about me, you, and our relationship. It made me sick when I lost you for
good. Watching you walk away from me was one of the hardest things to
see. It still gives me nightmares.” He sighs then stands up on his feet.
I really take in his frame, and it’s so much larger and bulkier than
when he was in college. He has a very muscular frame with a protective
vibe. He walks around all the time like he’s pissed off constantly, but when
I’m with him, it’s diminished into nothing. I start to see the old Nick peek
through every so often, but the mask he’s wearing has a firm grip on him,
and I don’t like that.
“Then why did you let me go?” I ask with heartbreak laced in my
words. I always wondered why he let me walk away if I meant so much to
him.
“I thought I’d work to get my game back, and once I had it, I’d
work to get you back. But it should have been the other way around; I
should have stopped you that day, but I froze. It took me years to get my
game back and then when finally I did, TJ had told me it was too late. You
had moved on. I thought I’d leave you alone. I thought I’d let you live your
life and be happy with him. I thought I’d try and move on from you.” He
licks his lips and stares deep into my eyes, making sure I never break this
connection between us.
“I never could,” he finishes. As he walks closer and closer to me,
closing the distance between our bodies, I find myself inching backwards
until I have no more room left. His aura is intoxicating, and I can’t get
enough of him. It’s why I need the space.
“You should have tried harder,” I whisper, shaking. My words are
contradicting me. “You have plenty of other opportunities, Nick. A ton of
girls are after a guy like you—”
“None of them are you, Carter.” He ducks his head down once
we’re chest to chest. Our lips are close, and I have to pinch myself in the
leg to defy him.
His mouth inches so close to mine as he continues to talk.
I’m still with someone.
“I could never offer my heart to anyone else since we ended
things. I was heartbroken that day. I was angry, and I even punched my own
father. I was full of pure rage that I lost you. I refused to give anyone else a
chance until I know that you’re over this. But ever since coming back here,
seeing you, I feel like you’re not—”
“I won’t cheat, Nick.” I shake my head.
“I know. As much as I hate that, I respect that you’re standing
your ground. You’re protecting yourself, I understand that. I really do.” His
words don’t match his actions. He’s coming very close to me. I can’t
breathe. If he moves closer, I will do something out of character.
“I won’t cheat on him,” I remind him, and he nods, pulling
himself away.
“You’re not the type to, I know that much. You have so much
respect for people, even when they don’t give it back to you. But Carter,
even if it’s not with me, you deserve much more respect than what Ted is
giving you. You deserve to be treated right, and he doesn’t do that—”
“I can make my own decisions, Nick. This has nothing to do with
you.” I frown at him.
“I know you can, but I just don’t understand why you take it from
him? What is it about him that’s so fucking great? He’s a control freak that
has you wrapped around his finger—”
 “That’s not fair and you know it. You don’t even know anything
about our relationship—”
“I know enough to realize you’re not happy with him-”
“At least he didn’t choose his career over”—I stop myself with
the low blow I had ready—“I’m sorry—”.
“Don’t be, I get it.” He sighs. “I probably deserve it.”
“No, Nick. That wasn’t nice of me. I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated
with everyone’s opinions on my relationship. Th- . . . it doesn’t matter.” I
run my hands through my hair and spin around to face out the window
again, refusing to look at him.
We did nothing but listen to the crickets sing in the night, the faint
sound of cars in the distance with music blaring from the clubs in the city.
“I’m sorry to say this to you, but if you honestly think that he’s
going to choose you over his career, you’re in for a surprise, Carter.” I rest
my head on the window. I’m trying to stop myself from crying.
Nobody chooses me.
It’s always me or something else.
Even when I don’t date football players and stay away from them,
the choice still comes back to haunt me. Why can’t people balance some
time with me and their careers? They always have to make it into something
that they must choose from.
It’s not fair.
All I want is to be with someone who wants to be with me.
Instead, work constantly gets in the way, and I always feel like I have to
compete with it to get something out of the relationship.
“Is there something wrong with me?” I ask. I’m not sure if I
wanted to answer it myself or if I wanted him to answer for me.
“There is nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect,” he says after
some time. I’m not sure if he heard me. He took a while to answer. I feel his
hand rest on my shoulder and pull me slightly away from the window I was
pressed up against.
Defeated.
He turns me around and I feel his arms reach across and pull me
into him.
It’s been a while since I’ve been hugged like this by him so many
times. It’s something that I’ve missed. So much that I could feel the tears
begin to roll down my face as I cry into his chest.
“Then why does nobody fucking stay with me!” I push him away
in anger. “Why does nobody fucking stay! Why does it always feel like I
have to compete with inanimate things that always have more power than I
do!” I push his chest backwards and backwards as I roar at him. “Every
time I feel like I’m getting somewhere, it’s ripped away from me! Why am I
always second fucking best! Why do men always think they don’t have a
choice and yet they still choose everything BUT me! Why am I not good
enough for any of you? Why do I get last place?” I cover my face in my
hands and weep into them.
Again, I feel him comfort me in the best way he knows how. He
knows that this comforts me. It always has.
He doesn’t say much. If anything, he just lets me cry and cry and
cry until I push myself to get a grip. I’m tired of crying.
I’m tired of all of this.
I wipe my eyes and back away from him. I return to the window
and stare out of it until I feel my heart calm down. Again, nothing is said as
I wait until I’m composed.
I’m about to open my mouth but I feel his lips rest on the crown
of my head. It’s a delicate kiss. Both of his hands reach up and rest
themselves on my shoulders.
“I’m sorry that I made you feel like that. You are enough, Carter.
You’re more than enough. You’re everything I could have hoped for and am
still hoping for. There is nothing, nor was there ever anything wrong with
you. Your are perfect, just the way you are.” I couldn’t stop the tears from
rolling when he first spoke. I just missed his voice and the way he said my
name. I miss everything about him; the way he holds me, the way he speaks
to me, and how protective he’s been the past while.
But the one thing that keeps reminding me is that he had made his
choice five years ago, and he’s only now telling me all of this.
I turn around and face him once more to see the rugged man that I
fell so deeply in love with five years ago. I gaze upon his sturdy features
once more as his eyes search in mine. I lift myself up on my toes and kiss
his cheek. I know I look like a wreck, but I need to sleep all of this new
information off tonight and absorb everything soon.
 “Goodnight, Nick,” I whisper and walk around him to grab my
bag. As I walk towards the door and get ready to open it, his voice makes
another appearance.
“If I could go back in time, I would change it all. I would find you
sooner, keep you forever, and love you harder.” I press my lips together and
run out of the room and down the hallway. I quicken my pace as I see the
door in my sights.
“Carter!” Haley calls for me and rushes down the large stairway
in her pajama shorts and TJ rushes out of the room that was beside the one
me and Nick were in.
“No, it’s fine. Haley, I’m fine. I just need to go home.” I wave at
her as she ignores my plea and continues to rush down the stairs.
“No, no, let me drive you—”
“You’re over the limit. I can grab a cab—”
“No, TJ, babe, drive her back. Please.” Haley brushes it off after
seeing the state I’m in. I probably look worse than I’m actually feeling. I
feel better, lighter, and freer.
“On it.” TJ grabs his keys and guides me out of the house.
“Thank you,” I say with bleary eyes as I rush to his car. I open the
passenger door and see Haley standing in the doorframe. I flick my
attention to the room I was in and stare at the window, hoping he can see
me and that I can see him. Unfortunately, I can’t see anything, and my heart
begins to beat faster again in the hopes that I could.
My heart wants him.
It always has.

* * *

Haley
I shut the door when I see the gates close after the car leaves. I
amble down to the room where Nick is, listening to the padding of my feet
meeting the cold tiles.
I knock on the door. I don’t hear a response. So, I push it open.
“Nick?” I call into the dim lighting.
 I hear him sniffle and wipe his eyes, looking away from me. My
brother has only ever cried one other time in his life, and that was at our
grandfather’s funeral. “Nick?” I ask again more delicately.
“Yeah?” he replies, laughing slightly to cover up the fact that he’s
upset. I know my brother, he can’t fool me.
“You okay?” I ask as I step further into the room.
“I’m fine.” He grunts while acting like a typical guy right now,
ashamed to admit how upset he is. He tries to hide it by laughing once
again.
“Nick, it’s alright to not be happy,” I say softly as I sit next to him
on the sofa.
He stares at me. I can see the wet residue on his cheeks. “No,
honestly, I’m okay. I feel much better. I just didn’t know how much I had
bottled up. To be able to finally tell her how I actually felt is just what I
needed. I feel much lighter.” He smiles at me and pats my leg. Seeing him
this happy makes me so happy. I haven’t seen him smile like that in a while.
A true and genuine smile that he used to wear had disappeared over the
years and now, I can see the happiness shining through again.
“My one worry is that I hope I did enough,” he continues.
That confuses me. “What do you mean?” I ask just as he stands up
on his feet. He nudges his head to tell me to stand up.
“To win her back. I hope she knows that I still love her.” He
smiles at me when he lifts me back up to my feet. I smile up at my big
brother.
“Or to Steel her back, get it?” I wink and laugh at my own joke
while Nick just rolls his eyes. I still got a smile out of him.
“Just go, you idiot.” He pushes me out while he laughs.
“You smiled, so it was funny.” I point back at him as he keeps
pushing me out of the room and into the hallway.
“That was a sympathy smile,” he counters, but I know it wasn’t
true. He’s smiling, whether he wants to admit it or not. “Now, get up to
bed.” He pushes me up the stairs. “I’m starving.” He starts to walk down to
the kitchen.
“Let me make you something,” I offer.
“No, you’ll start asking questions, all of which is none of your
business. It’s between me and Carter.” He shakes his head, continuing to
walk away and thinking I won’t follow him. I do anyway.
“She’s my best friend and you’re my brother, so I deserve to
know.” He stops himself and turns around to get right into my face,
smirking down because he’s much larger than me.
“No, you don’t. It’s past your bed time. Go back to your room,
young lady.” He nods down the way I just came from.
“No, it’s my house.” I pout and fold my arms across my chest.
“Is it? Wow, I didn’t know you make millions of dollars a year,
Haley? You can start paying me back by then, if that’s the case,” he teases
me smugly, and I growl at him for being so . . . Nick. I hate it when he does
this. He has an answer for everything.
Smug bastard.
“Fuck you.” I stick out my tongue. “Now, tell me!” I plonk myself
down on one of my island seats and listen intently to what he will tell me
about their conversation.
“No. I’m not telling you anything, Haley. Respect that. What we
discussed has nothing to do with you. It’s between me and her. Whatever
happens, happens; good or bad. You might be my sister and her best friend,
but it’s none of your business. That’s final, so drop it.” He starts to fish
around the refrigerator for some leftover food.
“Fine.” I hate it when he’s right. He really is, I just want to know
so I don’t step on anyone’s toes.
He ducks around the shelves to find something appetizing to eat.
“There’s some leftover lasagna on the bottom shelf if you want it. Make
sure you heat it up on a high setting for two sets of five minutes. We don’t
want our star quarterback out because he has food poisoning, do we?” I say
in a cheeky tone. He sends me the middle finger, knowing that he hates
being called the star quarterback. Our dad used to call him that all the time
and it used to drive Nick nuts, now more than ever.
They haven’t spoken to each other in years and it really upsets my
mom. He never goes home unless he knows dad isn’t in the house, and dad
never leaves the house. He’s missed so many special occasions because of
it. My dad should never have gotten involved with him and Carter. It took
me a while to realize just how much they adored each other. They really
understood one another, even if I denied it initially. They suited one another
well.
 “Have you spoken to mom?” I broach the question lightly.
“Last week,” he mutters, trying to cut out a piece of the lasagna
from the tray.
“And?” I push him for more information.
“And what? We talked.” He shrugs. “I don’t know what you want
me to say, Haley.” He licks the sauce off his finger and places the food into
the microwave. He switches it to four minutes and I roll my eyes.
He never listens.
“Five minutes, Nick. And I’m just asking, no need to be so
touchy.” I squint my eyes back at him.
“I’m touchy because I know what you’re trying to do, Haley. You
do this every time. No, I haven’t spoken to Dad, and I won’t. I’m not
wasting my time with that idiot—”
“He’s our father, Nick.”
“He’s no father of mine. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here
lonely and without the woman I love. If he hadn’t have stuck his goddamn
nose in my business, I would have been the happiest man alive. Instead, I’m
the fucking loneliest and most miserable man on the goddamn planet. All
thanks to him.” His words don’t shock me. He’s said this so many times.
What upsets me is how consistent he is with his view on our dad. Whether
he likes it or not, he is our blood.
Yes, what he did was wrong, but he’s human. He makes mistakes
too.
“Leave it, I don’t need this shit tonight, Haley,” he warns me as
we wait for his food to cook.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I drop my head
down to my hands. I know it’s a touchy subject, but all I wanted to know
was if there could be a chance for reconciliation between him and my dad.
It doesn’t look to be anytime soon. Plus, Nick has to be one the most
stubborn guys I’ve ever known. It’s a family curse.
“You didn’t upset me. I just hate talking about him. I want to
improve the situation with Carter, and I don’t want him getting wind of it. I
don’t want him anywhere near her. Is that clear, Haley? Don’t tell him about
what’s happening,” he warns me. I can tell he’s very serious about it.
“Okay, I won’t.” I hold both of my hands up in surrender.
 “Don’t tell mom either. Or Ellie. Let this unfold naturally. Please,
for the love of God, keep it to yourself, Haley. Please,” he begs me and
places both hands in prayer to emphasize his point.
Yeah, I like to talk. I always talk to my mom and sister about
everything, so this one will be hard, especially when they are both such
huge fans of Carter. My mom always had a soft spot for her and backed
their relationship from the beginning.
“Okay, I will.” I pretend to zip up my lips and throw away the
key. He chuckles and shakes his head, taking the food out of the
microwave. He sets another five minutes and waits again.
We continue to talk about random things to fill the time while we
wait for TJ to return home. I continue to talk to my brother until I hear the
door open and shut. I know it’s TJ.
“Haley?” he calls for me.
“Kitchen!” I yell back and wait for him to enter the room. When
he does, he smiles and comes to greet me. A kiss from him is the only way I
accept it. “Hey,” I say.
“Hey, babe.” He kiss me once more. He walks around me and pats
Nick on the shoulder. He places his phone down on the counter and makes
his way to the refrigerator.
“How was she?” Nick asks lightly. TJ turns around with a grin on
his face and shuts the refrigerator door.
“She was good. She’s lost in her own thoughts for a while but was
laughing and smiling by the time we reached her home. I walked her in to
make sure nobody was there, don’t worry.” TJ sips on a bottle of water. I
could see the tension roll off my brother’s shoulders once TJ confirmed Ted
wasn’t at the house.
Nick nods like it’s not effecting him and continues to eat. He’s
acting like he’s not listening but he’s absorbing absolutely everything to do
with her.
“You sure?” He pushes.
“I checked the house myself even when she said it’s not necessary
and he won’t do anything to her.” He chuckles, knowing that Nick needs to
hear this for his own peace of mind. If he didn’t say anything, then you can
be sure that Nick won’t be sleeping a wink tonight. TJ knows him inside
and out, he knows what Nick will to ask and what to tell him.
 “Thanks.” Nick looks at TJ and they share a secret nod that they
always do when they’re on the same page.
“Well, on that note, I’m going to going to bed now. Love you,
pumpkin,” TJ teases Nick by blowing him kisses as he passes by him. Nick
smirks and shakes his head.
That is the side of TJ that I love. The goofy TJ is the best TJ.
“Haley, bring the idiot up to sleep,” Nick orders me to take him
away.
“Gladly.” I wink and Nick starts to make vomiting noises as I pull
my fiancé away to our sanctuary.
“ ’Night,” Nick says and he continues to eat the rest of his
lasagna.
We make our way up the stairs to our room hand in hand and
retire for the night, but it doesn’t stop me thinking about my brother.
“Goodnight,” TJ whispers once we’re in bed.
“Goodnight, and thank you for helping out,” I whisper back.
“Anytime, beautiful.” He kisses me in the dark. We fall asleep like
always. It’s so easy because I am so exhausted from the day.
And I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling this exhaustion.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Forgive, Forget, and Fix

Carter
I’ve been sweating all morning about today. Nothing has changed
much. I’ve been preparing to give it my best, but I can feel my heart is not
in it and my mind is elsewhere. I’m suited up with a pair of matching black
heels to show I’m serious about this, even if my body is reacting harshly to
it. This is what I’ve always wanted but I can’t help but feel the timing might
not be right.
I’m sitting upright with my hands on my lap. Across from me are
the three panellist who will interview me. It’s all in their hands.
“Tell me about yourself.” This is how most interviews begin. The
first question that will set the tone for the entire interview; the one question
that can make or break you. This is the only time where I can talk about
myself, my experience, and what I’ve have been up to for the past few years
since graduation; my story.
Which isn’t very much but enough to hopefully land me this job. I
haven’t worked with many athletes—that’s Jody’s speciality if any of them
come into the clinic—I usually work with older people and children
because I’m pretty new to the business. I don’t have much say in what
clients I want. Where she’s been with the clinic for nearly five years, I’ve
only reached two and a half. I interned around in New York for a couple of
months and then got a recommendation from my dad to intern with my aunt
during summer months before moving out here permanently and interning
here too. I was given a shot, and I’ve proved how hard I can work to my
bosses, even if it was with a small amount of athletes. I could count them on
one hand.
“Um, so, I’m Carter Steel. I’m twenty-three years old, born in
New York. I was fortunate enough to attend Keystone Private High School
in Manhattan. After that, I went to college in the University of Mississippi
—which is a family tradition—and found myself a job after a few years
interning around, gaining different skills and experiences in the athletics
industry. Then, I landed out here in LA to work for Prime Physical Therapy
Clinic. Ever since then, I’ve been living out here working with elderly
people and young children coming out for rehab on moderate to serious
accidents primarily,” I begin the long process of being a potential candidate
for this job. I have rekindled the excitement that I initially had when I
received the letter. It was cloaked with nerves before. Now I know, since
getting into my momentum, that I really want this job.
“What made you want to move here?” the man in the center of the
table with the navy blue tailored suit asks me next. You can tell that these
people are paid heavily based on the clothes they are wearing today.
“There is more opportunity out here. It’s a large city with lots of
people who need help. I used to come out here sometimes with my family .
. .” I begin hesitantly. I wanted to keep that out of the conversation with no
mention of my dad or brothers, but I’m not even in here five minutes and
I’ve dropped the bomb already. “I’ve always liked the atmosphere out here.
It’s inviting and wholesome but a competitive field to work in. I want to be
the best I can be, so I want to surround myself with some of the best. I
know that out here you have to start at the bottom and work your way up,
and I’m doing quite well doing just that,” I say honestly. Working with the
best, you will learn a few things throughout your career, and that’s why I’ve
always wanted to move out here. For me, I can’t do any better than moving
out here and working hard to prove myself so that I can work in the industry
I’ve been dreaming of.
Even with the rocky start to the interview and some tough
questions, I knew my heart was wholly in it, but they kept asking about my
experience with athletes, which I don’t have much of. I’ve been stressed.
The past few weeks have turned me into a miserable person, and I hope it’s
not reflecting in this interview. I’ve been so miserable that I’ve locked
people out and haven’t spoken to anyone since that night. There’s a weight
hanging on my shoulders and pulling me down. I’ve been avoiding
everyone and preparing for this for weeks.
This is my one shot.
 I haven’t answered any calls. All I’ve been doing is going to work
and coming home. I’ve been actively avoiding Ted, too, and it’s making me
exhausted. I know I have to eventually face the music, I just need my
strength for when I do it.
“You haven’t had much hands-on experience with athletes in your
working years, why is that?” There’s the one question that I’ve been
dreading since walking in here, all the other experience questions have been
leading up to this one.
“Usually, athletes stick with the therapists hired by their own
teams, but I have had contact with one of your own.” I hate to admit, but I
have to mention it. “Nick Jackson had visited our clinic a few weeks ago
and has returned a few times for check ups on his shoulder, which is healing
nicely from an old tear. I have worked on a program with him to help build
it back up to its full potential as he is the first string quarterback for the
team. He’s in demand and needs to be playing at a high performance for his
games,” I confess to something they look to be unaware of.
“Is that so? We were trying to figure out why he was refusing
treatment and where he went for it,” the older man on my right responds
while looking at the rest of the panel with a lighthearted giggle. He leans
back into his seat and observes me incredulously. “Why do you think he
went to you and not our own therapists?” A question I already know the
answer to but it’s not appropriate for this time.
“I must assume that he’s been recommended to me thanks to my
reputation as a physical therapist. I pay attention to all my clients; I help
update their exercise, nutrition schedules, and regimes after every visit as a
person’s body can change in a short period of time, especially an athlete’s. I
was able to focus on his a little more than normal if he was to come in
here,” I reply.
And that I know his body better than anyone else. I know it in
detail, I add this last detail in my head.
“Do you think that he will continue to outsource if we hire you?”
they ask me.
“No, he’s used to me. I’m good. I have a great attention to detail
with everyone that visits me. I love my job, and I enjoy talking to my
clients. It would be the same if I worked in here too.” I nod, assuring to
them that nothing would change if they were to hire me.
 “In all honesty, Ms. Steel, I really shouldn’t be telling you this,
but we’ve heard a lot of great things about you from your father and
brothers.” I internally groan to myself. This is not what I wanted. I wanted
to do this by myself. I wanted to work for it and not have my family put in a
word for me, as much as I appreciate it. This is not how I wanted to start off
my career in this industry. I don’t need a boost above everyone else pining
for this position. It’ll only add fuel to the fire.
If there’s one thing that my parent taught me to be, it’s to be fair
in life. If something is meant for you, it won’t pass you by.
“I’m sorry, David, but I don’t want that to give me more of a leg
up compared to the others,” I tell him immediately. “I want to be hired if I
deserve to be hired. I don’t want other people overwriting your judgement
of me, especially people I’m related to and who are very highly respected in
this industry.
“I get that you like that they have come and discussed this with
you and that you know my family very well because of the industry you’re
in, but frankly, I’m not sure how they found out.” I try to think about how
my family managed to know this; nothing comes up. “I kept this piece of
news to myself, but I’ve never worked with either of my brothers or my
dad. Sure, my dad got me an internship, but I’ve never directly worked with
him, so they don’t really know how good or bad I am.
“I appreciate them vouching for me, but I want my work to get me
the job and not on the fact that I’m a Steel or that I know people in this
industry. If I’m good enough, then I should get the job. If I’m not, then I
shouldn’t.” I’ve always been fair. It is both the best and the worst thing
about me. Being this way, I’ve missed so many opportunities but have also
gotten some too. Being a Steel has set me up in life, but I also want to make
it on my own. I work hard, and I want people to recognize that. “I know I
don’t have much experience in this industry, but I’m willing to start at the
bottom and work my way up,” I promise.
The three interviewers nod appreciatively with my closing
statement to the interview. I’ve either nailed or blown it, but either way, I
was truthful in what I said.
“That’s good to know, Ms. Steel. We appreciate the honesty.” The
woman from Hunan resources nods with a gentle smile on her red lips. “If
you wouldn’t mind, we’d like to show you our state of the art facilities for
the conclusion of this interview. We’d like to show you what it would be
like to work with us . . . if given the chance.” She chuckles, remembering
what I had just said.
I smile along with them, but I’m nervous about the decision. It
feels like the opportunity has passed me by. I was honest, and if there is
someone more deserving of this position, so be it, but I can’t deny the sting
I feel in my chest when I said it. It’s the truth, but the truth hurts. Maybe
I’m not good enough for the position right now. In time, though, I might be.
“I’d love to see the facilities.” I nod in agreement and remove my
bag from the floor at my feet and follow the team out of the room.
“Don’t worry, the interview is over. You can now breathe.” The
older man of the group chuckles beside me as he holds his black leather-
bound notebook in the crevice of his arm. Holding the door open for me, I
walk by him and send him an appreciative smile, knowing all too well the
interview isn’t over until I leave this stadium.
“The team will be in the middle of practice, so Coach Stanford
will be in full focus. Such a fantastic coach . . . well, your father would be
the best of the best, but Stanford is on his way.” They all agree with the lead
interviewer’s opinion of the Chargers’ coach that has been around for
almost four years. Originally, he was the Miami Dolphins’ head coach, but
he decided to leave the team due to discrepancies about salary payment and
team delivery. The Chargers saw some potential in him and got him as soon
as possible. He’s a young coach and is good for his age, but he has a long
way to go and a lot to prove to the world.
They push open a door, and I can hear the sound of music
pumping through the next room with some chatters and laughing sprinkled
in. When the next door is held open, I’m greeted with the sight of half-
naked team members. I can feel my cheeks begin to heat up with
embarrassment, like I’ve been caught spying on them. I don’t even know
where to look.
At their faces, I instruct myself.
“Please.” The older man directs me through the door, allowing me
to walk inside.
Nobody has noticed our entrance until I spot my brother with his
headphones on and in the zone, midworkout with his the team’s weight
trainer. His face is bright red due to the intensity he’s putting himself
through, but still very focused nonetheless. Chris has always been serious
about his game.
“Thank you,” I say as I pass through the threshold and walk
deeper into the room.
They all continue with their work, and I’m glad of it. I’m still
invisible; it’s what I’m comfortable with now.
“This is the main floor of the workout center for the team. We like
to have it here; it’s next to the clinic we have where they can be treated for
any injuries they pick up during training or game day. Usually, they start
with work in here and then go down to the field at a later stage when its not
too hot in the day and they can give it their all. We have been catering for
them with the highest nutritional value we can get in the state, and they
have individual programs that they are expected to take home and continue
with during the season, but you probably already know all of this,” the
woman says as she animatedly explains their system. It’s pretty much the
same as any other team in the league; it's what my brothers have to go
through on a daily basis.
“This is an amazing set up you have,” I compliment them.
“We spent a lot to get the best for the team. Over fifty million
went into this center.” My own mouth drops a little from the amount they
spend on their team. I know that my brother gets paid more than that, and it
shouldn’t surprise me, but it always does.
“Well, has she got the job yet, David?” I roll my eyes when I hear
my brother’s voice. This is the last thing I wanted, for him to intervene. The
interview didn’t go too badly, but I don’t think I landed the job itself. This is
a lot of responsibility for a person who doesn’t have the right experience,
and for him to saunter over like I nailed it and have it in my hands makes
me want to punch him in the throat for being so cocky and obnoxious for
me.
“Chris,” I warn him about being careful with what he’s going to
say next. He has always gotten the curse of running his mouth too much
where it’s not needed. He has gotten into trouble far too many times thanks
to it.
He ignores me and wraps me up in a hug, squeezing the life out of
me.
 “Chris!” I moan after smelling his stench and feeling his sweaty
body ruin my new suit.
“Listen, my baby sister is the best of the best in this state.” He’s
talking me up and I couldn’t hold another eye roll. I pinch him in his side,
making him flinch a little, but it’s not enough for him to stop. “You know it,
I know it, and my father knows it. The best,” he continues. I throw my
hands to my head in embarrassment. I step on his foot to let him know he
needs to shut up before I hit him where it really hurts and making sure
Taylor will be his only child.
“You’re not the first one to tell us that, Chris.” They laugh
together. I know my dad also said something to them, but I will have a talk
with him about it later. Right now, I need to handle my older brother first.
“I’m so sorry,” I say to David. “Don’t you have a workout to do?”
I say to my older brother through gritted teeth. Taking the hint, he removes
himself from me and nods with a smile on his face.
“Remember, the best.” He points at me while looking at the
interviewing panel.
“Goodbye, Chris.” I wave him off so he can leave us alone. This
is not over yet; he thinks I have the job.
“Bye, guys!” He returns to his station with the trainer and
continues where he left off. No doubt, I will kill him when he gets home
and will make him feel every bit guilt for saying that to the people who are
judging me. It wasn’t a fair fight for any of the other contenders, if there are
any.

* * *

Nick
“I can’t wait to just veg out with Haley and eat my cheat meal.
She’s making my favorite, enchiladas with extra cheese.” TJ licks his lips at
the thought of Haley making his favorite meal, ready and waiting for him at
home. “What is she making you?” Haley loves to cook for everyone when
she gets the chance, it’s why there are so many parties at her house and she
makes all the food.
“My nutritional plan,” I say nonchalantly.
 “You’re not having a cheat meal?” he asks as we walk towards the
front entrance of his house.
“No, I haven’t had one in five years, TJ,” I respond, not being
able to get the image of Carter in the gym today out of my head.
“Five years! How the hell have you not eaten your favorite cheat
meal in five years?” he exclaims.
“It’s called discipline.” I roll my eyes and he pushes open the
door.
“No, it’s called being no fun,” he mutters as Haley greets us at the
door with open arms. We throw our gym bags onto the floor of the foyer
and Haley glares at us.
“Put them upstairs.” She points at them and we do as we are told
before we eat together. “And wash your hands too,” she mutters as she
returns into the dining area.
“Serious question though.” I begin to pick up my bag once again
to bring it upstairs.
“Shoot.” TJ copies me and follows me up the stairs.
“Which one of you really wears the pants in the relationship?” He
starts barking out a laugh. It makes me laugh too.
“I’m not ashamed to admit it, Nick. Obviously, Haley and I
wouldn’t have it any other way,” he remarks as he disappears into his room
to clean up for his dinner.
As soon as we return downstairs, we were greeted with an empty
dining room. We both send each other quizzical looks, wondering what is
going on.
“Haley?” TJ calls for her.
“In the TV room!” she calls back. As soon as we follow her voice,
we’re greeted by an almighty spread of food that she has cooked for us.
Nachos, fajitas, and enchiladas are all laid out on the table for TJ. “I made
you the nutritional ones, Nick.” She points at the separate bowl containing
my food that has been prepared for me. I walk over and give her a big hug.
“Thank you, Haley. It smells good.” I kiss her on the head before
taking my place in front of the TV where she has the NFL Recaps playing
for us. “I take it back, Ellie isn’t my favorite,” I say with a grin, only for her
to roll her eyes with a smile and throw a Gatorade Zero to me. After today, I
needed it.
 I did a hard workout and followed Carter’s exercises at my own
pace and seeing her only pushed me to get her to notice me. She couldn’t
see me; I was behind her in another room, but I kept starting out the
window to the main gym while I was practicing in what they call the
therapy gym, the one where the physical therapists work with the players.
It’s a section where the players can do their own thing, which is what I did.
I could see her in her suit, looking very professional, as well as
the recruitment team. I had no idea she applied for the position or that they
were taking in more therapists. It would be ideal for her to be on the team; it
means I’ll be closer to her when I’m at work.
“Nick!” I see a hand waving in my face to get my attention back.
TJ stares at me and waits for an answer.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“You want brown or white tortillas?” he asks, silently quizzing me
on where I was for the last few seconds.
“White, easier to wrap,” I mutter as I take a large mouthful of my
beverage sitting coolly in my hand.
“Alright, I have both in case you change your mind.” Haley
returns with two plates of tortilla wraps in each hand and sets them down on
the table in front of us before taking her designated seat next to her fiancé.
I’ll never get used to that.
“Thanks,” we both say as we reach for the tortilla we want to start
preparing our meal one at a time. Filling our wraps up one by one leads to
clear plates with little to no residue leftover. They were delicious. My sister
has my mom’s gift of cooking, but not the baking. She could never make
the chocolate cake like my mom and she knows it. It’s my mom’s speciality.
“You full?” She chuckles, staring down at us and watching TJ rub
his stomach with so much satisfaction.
“The best kind of full. I could go to sleep right now.” He kisses
her as thanks before getting up and cleaning the plates off the table. I help
him out but then get cut off by the sound of the doorbell chiming. TJ looks
at me for a moment and begins to walk towards the door with his hands full
of dirty dishes.
“I’ll get it, you go ahead and set the dishes down in the washer,” I
instruct him as he had taken a little more than he can handle. Haley would
divorce him before they even got hitched if he drops her dishes on her tiled
floor.
“Thanks. If it’s a Jehovah’s Witness, tell them we’re not
interested,” he says over his shoulder as I continue my way towards the frail
framed figure standing on the other side of the door with frosted glass
windows.
As I near closer to the entrance, I’m beginning to recognize her
outline. I know who is waiting for me on the other side. I swing the door
open and smile warmly at her, as does she. “Hi, Mrs. Steel,” I greet Elaine
Steel, Carter’s mother.
“Hi, Nick. How are you?” she asks.
“I’m good, come in.” I usher her inside and shut the door behind
her. “Is everything okay?” I ask her, wondering why she has come to Haley
and TJ’s home for the night.
“I remembered you telling me that you were staying here until
you find a place of your own.” She smiles, one that reaches her eyes. It’s a
genuine smile, which is rare coming from her.
“Yeah, I haven’t found the right one yet.” I rub the back of my
neck, anxiously waiting for her to answer my question. There is no reason
for her to be here unless something was wrong. What if it’s Carter? I think
to myself. “I’ve been looking around, but nothing has really caught my eye
yet,” I confess, only for her to smile with a small glimmer in her eye.
“You’ll know when you’ve found the right one. It’ll feel like it’s
been your home from the beginning.” She smiles tightly. “But everything is
fine. She’s fine,” she tells me, reading me like a book. “Well, she’s been
keeping to herself lately.” I follow her down towards the kitchen where TJ
is. Elaine is walking through Haley’s house as if she knows where she’s
going. We can hear TJ putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “Such a
beautiful home,” she admires the walls filled with paintings and
photographs.
“Hi, Mrs Steel?” That was more of a question than a greeting
from TJ.
“Hi, TJ! Hi, Haley!” she greets my sister loudly who comes
pacing around the corner.
“Hey, is everything okay?” She’s worried about something, just
like me.
 “Everything is fine. You kids shouldn’t worry so much.” She
chuckles and waves her hand to remove the uneasy look we’re all wearing.
“Does Mr. Steel know you’re here?” TJ chuckles with her.
“No, so don’t you dare rat me out.” She winks playfully at him. “I
just came here for a chat.” She turns around to face me. It looks like it’s my
time.
I can remember Rodger Steel’s words like it was yesterday. “Piss
off my wife and you’ll know all about it.”
Fuck.
Please don’t tell me I’ve pissed this woman off.
“Is there somewhere we can go?” she asks and I nod hesitantly.
“You don’t need to look so scared, Nick.” She takes my arm and laughs at
how nervous I am.
“We can go into the study room,” I say, finally agreeing to this
talk. I thought I would have to speak to Rodger. I was planning on what I
need to say to get him to think about where I was coming from, to get him
to understand that I was young and I never meant to hurt her, but I guess
seeing as her mom is here instead, I have to switch my game.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought, but I’m willing to
put myself out there and try.
I love her daughter, and I don’t want to be with anyone else.
“Perfect.” She follows me down to a room while waving off TJ
and Haley, who are equally as curious as I am.
I hold the door open for her, letting her know that this is the room
we can talk in for some privacy. “How have you been?” She lifts her
handbag off her shoulder and sets it down on the table with a clang. She
seats herself on the sofa with a light bounce, making her sundress sway a
little. For a moment, she looked like Carter.
“Good—I’ve been good. And you?” I ask back. I’m trying to be
polite, but I also want to know how she’s been seeing as it’s been a while.
She tilts her head to the side and stares at me, resting both hands
on her knees to say she’s not buying my response. To be honest, I did lie,
but I want to cut to the chase. I want to know the purpose of her visit today.
“Come on, how have you really been?” she repeats her question.
I run my hands down my face, pulling my skin; the stress that is
my own life is getting the better of me. I laugh and shake my head at my
own sad life and cross my arms while I think of the best way to put it, but I
keep coming up with the same answer; one word.
“Miserable,” I confess truthfully to her. With a pity smile, she
leans forward, almost like she wanted to reach out to me. I almost cringe at
how desperate I sound, but the truth is, I really am desperate. I’m not
ashamed to admit it.
A moment ticked by while we thought about things.
“Why did you leave it for so long? Five years? Not a single
word?” she asks softly.
“I didn’t, initially. I called her and messaged her nonstop the first
year we ended things to get her to talk to me, but she ignored me every
single day and every single one of my messages, so I naturally assumed
after some time that she didn’t want to talk to me; that she hated me. Then I
stopped bothering her and let her be. She moved on, and I’d be lying if I
said it doesn’t sting to see her with someone else,” I try to explain to her
everything, one fuckup after another.
“You hurt her with your choice, you can’t fault her for that—”
“I know, I don’t blame her for it. I even hate myself . . . for
everything.” I sigh and stare out of the window Carter remained at the other
night.
It took everything inside of me to not kiss her. I respect her, and I
know she’s not that type of girl, despite wanting her for myself. She’s loyal,
and always will be.
“You shouldn’t hate yourself, Nick. All of this is part and parcel
of growing up. This is reality, this is life. And unfortunately, it’s sometimes
got a mean side. Just, don’t hate yourself. From what Rodger has told me,
it’s not entirely your fault. You were young and naive, and couples break up
everyday—”
“I know they do, but I never wanted it to happen for us. I never
thought she’d ever give me a shot, a chance to fall in love. I never thought I
could fall in love, I never thought I’d get the chance to find happiness with
another person, and I did. I fell for your daughter hard, and I haven’t
stopped falling for her. I can’t. She’s the only one.” I bite my lip, trying to
hold back without sounding like I’m whining like a child throwing their
toys around. That’s not what I’m doing. I just don’t know what to do to fix
this, to get her back. “I left her alone after the first year of not hearing
anything back from her. I got the hint that she didn’t want to talk,” I finish
explaining why I stopped, even when it was hard. I did it to let her feel
some happiness again, even if it meant that I needed to step back. But I was
wrong.
I can see the happiness in her eyes when I see her. Even if she
hides it moments later, I know it’s still there.
There’s hope.
“Why now?” she asks curiously, but it doesn’t sound like she’s
pushing me for any answers. “Why here? Why LA?” she continues with the
same tender tone in her voice, one letting me know that, no matter what I
say, it’s alright.
I sigh to myself as I peer out the glass pane that points towards the
city. “I have been putting in offers and offers to be traded to the Chargers
since turning professional, but I knew if Austin was still there, I wouldn’t
have had a shot,” I tell her that her son was the reason why it took me so
long, but that’s only partially true. “Then I found out he was moving to the
Giants and thought I would take another chance and try to get the first
string quarterback position for the team. I did, I got it. Now, I’m here.” I
begin to think about her once again. It’s hard not to.
“You didn’t answer my question.” She waves the thought away. I
thought I got away with it. “Why here?” She wants to hear me say it.
“Because I knew I’d see her here. I knew she’d be out here
without Haley ever telling me. And seeing her again, the look in her eyes,
her smile, it makes that feeling little bit better.” I change my staring
competition with the view to Elaine. “I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t
stay away. I can still see that her feelings are still there for me.” That’s the
truth. She was never good at hiding it. Her cheeks would blush
uncontrollably, and I melt at that.
“Do you think that it’s fair to her? Seeing you again and bringing
up those old feelings? Do you think that it’s fair?” she asks.
“No, I don’t,” I answer honestly.
“Then why?” She pushes me for a more concrete answer.
“Because I still love her. I can’t let her go, Elaine. I’ve tried,
numerous times, but I never could. As hard as it was for five years, I always
come back to her. I tried to let her be, I did that for her so that she could
find happiness, but I can see that she’s not. I don’t know if it’s partially
because of me or if it’s because of Ted, but I can see she’s not happy.” I’m
picturing her face when we’re around the group, it took me a while to figure
out if it was directed at me or her boyfriend. The other night only confirmed
that it’s not just me.
There are times when I don’t help the situation with Ted, but it’s
hard not to react to another man having his claim on her. It breaks me in
two every time I see it.
“I just don’t know what’s going on inside that head of hers
anymore. She’s a little lost, and I don’t know how to help her. I can see
she’s confused and fighting with her own self.” She sinks into the chair and
fixes her dress. “Have you spoken to her since the day of the game?” she
queries me for any information—information that I can’t give her.
“No, have you?” I take a deep breath, already knowing the
answer.
“No, she’s gone quiet.” It’s a simple answer that tells me a lot.
“She’s thinking,” I comment and she nods; we’re on the same
page. She needs the time and space to think, weigh it all out.
“I know, she never stops.” She giggles. “She gets it from me.” She
tilts her head to the side and smiles weakly at me. A moment passes by, and
when the atmosphere has reached its peak, she gets up from the seat and
moves around the coffee table to sit next to me, taking my hand and
squeezing it tight. “I know you love her, Nick, but she’s my daughter. I will
keep on protecting her.” I can feel her thumb lightly stroke my skin.
“I know you will. I appreciate that too. I also don’t want to cause
a divide either—”
“You won’t. Nothing can break our family, it’s made of steel.”
She winks and I grin at her reference to the profound and powerful surname
she married into.
I am thankful she came around and met with me.
She returns to grab her bag, happy with the quick visit. “Just so
you know, my daughter doesn’t hate you. She never has, even when you did
her wrong and made that mistake. She never will hate you, but if you love
her like you say you do, then . . .” She hesitates to say the next part and
takes a deep breath before making eye contact again. “. . . Then don’t give
up on her. She’s worth every bit of the fight. Just tell her how much you
were hurting too. I can see it in your eyes. They give your pain away, Nick.
It’s okay to admit that it was painful for you too. You were two young
people so in love with each other, and I believe you both still are. Even if a
certain someone is too stubborn to admit it.” She rolls her eyes heavenward,
speaking about her own child. I smile into my hand, feeling better after
having spoken to her. “And truth be told, I’ve always liked you, and so does
my husband despite what he says and threatens. You may have hurt her, but
you treated her well when you were with her. We just want to see her happy,
and as much as I do like Ted, I just don’t think he’s for her,” she confesses
with pity in her eyes, like she never wanted to admit that aloud. She’s just
being honest.
“I know you want her to be happy, and so do I,” I agree with her.
“Then make her happy—make my baby smile. Treat her with
kindness. We all make mistakes. You’re only human, despite what your fans
say. Don’t sit on this mistake for life. Forgive, forget, and move forward. Or
don’t, just don’t let that mistake eat you to your grave—”
“It’s not that easy—”
“Yes it is, you’re making excuses. If you want a shot at love, now
is your time. Go back home and forgive him. Life is too short to be holding
onto grudges. It’s not worth it. I can see that it’s eating away at you the
longer you don’t talk to him. Don’t punish him for a mistake, one that you
can fix. Forgive him and fix it, both relationships. I can see that you want to
in your eyes. I can see the love you have for my daughter too. Every time
you see her, it shines clearly.” I can see the water brim in her eyes as she
reaches for my hand and holds it once more. “I can see it,” she whispers in
the smallest voice I’ve ever heard in my life, “and every time she sees you,
it’s there on her face, too, no matter how hard she hides it or how many
times she denies it. A mother knows.” She nods back, reassuring me that
it’s okay to own up to everything and to try and move on.
The only way I can, is to go back home and talk to my father. I
need this. I need to heal from this.
The cold feeling of where her warm hand once was takes me out
of my reverie.
Elaine makes her way towards the door we entered in from and
leaves me to ponder with my own thoughts. Before she leaves, she leans her
body on the door and rests her head along the side, holding on to the handle.
 “It’s not too late, Nick. Forgive, forget and fix,” she says simply
while parting from me.
I sit and watch the door close.
The sound of the door clicking behind her is familiar in my head.
Forgive, forget, and fix.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Nobody Fights Over Dessert

Nick
“Boarding pass?” I’m asked to hand over the piece of paper that
has been in my clutch since arriving here today. “ID?” he asks for the other
object in my grasp. As he checks my identity and scans my pass, he allows
me on the flight back to do some business.
Back to my hometown.
What Elaine said is true. I need to move on.
You can forgive a person for a mistake they made, albeit it was a
big mistake, one I don’t think I could ever forget.
The ball has been in my court for the last five years, and it’s time
that I picked up the racket and made a serve. It’s time I spoke with my dad.
I find my seat soon after stepping onto the pressured vessel. I rest
myself down and organize myself for the flight ahead. I’ve been thinking a
lot about this and I even spoke to Haley about it. She agreed that I should
try and make an attempt to try a rectify this entire thing. As much as I hate
to admit it, it has put a wedge in the family. All of us used to be so close to
each other.
Now, I don’t even come back home. The only time I see my mom
or Ellie is when they come to me.
But now it’s time.
I need to speak to him, one way or another.
To either forgive, or to compromise.

* * *

Carter
 Ding dong.
The dreaded noise of the door chime lets me know that there is
someone there to see me.
I put down the paintbrush that was in my grip and rise up from the
chair. I’ve decided to take up a new hobby. I was never that good at it, but I
do enjoy the calmness it provides to me. There was always something about
painting that makes me calm. I think it’ss because I got to really focus on
something else and not what is happening around me. It’s an escape.
I wipe any paint residue on my apron before reaching for the door
before it calls out for me again. I don’t want to clean up a big mess that I
know I’ve left behind me.
I swing open the door and see two big beef bodies standing in
front of me. “What did you do?” I ask both of my brothers in a monotone
voice. Every time they both show up together and unannounced, I
immediately jump to the conclusion that they’ve both done something
stupid and are looking for me to help them get out of it. It was always that
way when we were younger. Austin was the prankster, Chris was the dumb
one, and I was the reasonable one, and I was reasonable enough to not get
involved in any of their antics growing up.
“Nothing,” they respond simultaneously, making me suspicious.
“Then what?” I squint, wondering why they’re here and what
they’re up to. They hesitate and look at one another to see who is going to
start the conversation they so clearly want to have. “Guys!” I snap them out
of it and they revert their gaze back to me. I’m getting more and more
impatient. I’ve noticed that about me these days, my patience is getting
shorter minute by minute; I was never like that.
“Talk—we’d like to talk with you.” They surprise me with a
serious tone. Chris stares at me with wide eyes while Austin takes pity on
me.
“Did something happen?” I ask them.
“No, everything is fine. Everyone is cool,” Austin assures me,
raising his hands up and pressing them on my head for additional comfort.
He reaches for my apron and begins to remove it. “We want you to come
with us. We just want to go for a walk on the beach and would like it if you
joined?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. “Taylor is in the
car waiting for you to come with us.” He pauses and points to Chris’s car. I
would be able to see her inside if it weren’t for the blacked-out windows.
“Come on, I leave for New York tonight. It’s the least you can do,” he says
as he begins to drag me out of my safe haven, my comfort blanket.
However, I know I should say my goodbyes to him. It will be another while
before I get the chance to see him again.
I’m just in a funk today, like the past few days.
I love how close my family all are, but sometimes, I’d like my
own space to allow me to think—to breathe.
I mentally groan at the thought of another talk people want to
have. I can only imagine what it’ll be about. It’s nobody’s business but
mine.
“Please,” Chris begs like he’s never done before. That makes me
wonder what these two have to say to me. I know that I shut myself out, and
maybe they’re worried about that? But I needed it. I needed clarity and time
to think without opinions. I needed my space, that’s all I wanted. “For the
sake of the sunset,” he whines dramatically, making me smile and roll my
eyes.
“Fine,” I mumble and throw in the towel. I need to get out of this
funk, maybe this might do the trick?
I follow my two older brothers and lock the door behind me as we
make our way towards the car with my niece. As I near it, I can see the
silhouette of her little face pressed up against the glass, making me chuckle.
Just like her dad, I think to myself. I even look at Chris to see him grinning
at his little girl through the window.
I walk around to the other side of the car and the door opens up to
allow me inside. I get a sweet little hug from Taylor. I’m greeted with open
arms as I slide across the seats to get close to her in her car seat.
“Hi, Aunt Carter!” she squeals and I giggle again once I have her
in my arms.
“Hi, sweetheart!” I squeeze her and then buckle myself in.
“Everyone ready to go?” Chris asks and we all agree that it’s time
to head off to watch the sunset.
The drive took about thirty minutes. I allowed Chris to take his
daughter out of the car seat. Even though he was struggling, I left him to it.
He has taken her out of the seat many times and yet he still struggles to get
the knack of it.
 “I swear, that car seat hates me,” he mutters as he hunches over to
hold Taylor’s hand, a floral yellow and pink bucket is held in the other. The
sight is heart warming; a big macho man who dotes over his daughter
walking on the beach with family. It would send an icy heart to melt. “You
want to go and collect some shells to bring home to Mommy?” he asks her.
He couldn’t even finish the sentence because she races off to find some to
collect after yanking the bucket out of her father’s grip.
“You know, she would make an awesome football player,” Austin
jokes as he watches her sprint down to the shoreline where a few kids are
building sandcastles. As the night is falling closer and closer, the day has
gotten cooler than it had been earlier. Some kids were wrapped in towels to
keep them warm with their parent’s arms wrapped around them or rubbing
them for heat. Some have even fallen asleep in their arms after the tiring
day they’ve had at the beach. I’m sure the sun has taken much of their
energy away from them as well as their fun.
“I’m telling you, I’m getting her to do all the sports I can possibly
get her to do. She has form!” Chris points to his child, not giving up until
she gets to the finish line. I shake my head as I listen to my two idiot
brothers. “I mean, look at those little legs go.” He chuckles along with me.
“Right, Cooks?” He peers down at me with playfulness dancing in his eyes.
“She takes after your little legs,” I tease him with a shoulder
nudge.
He feigns being hurt by putting his hand over his heart and acting
like he’s just been shot. “Ohhh, that hurt!” He couldn’t keep a straight face
for long as we continue walking along the beach and keeping an eye on
Taylor, who avidly collects her shells and ignores anyone who gets in her
way.
It was silent, something that I’ve become used to, something that
I’ve enjoyed for the past while. I didn’t expect myself to miss it.
We stop and stare at the sun that is slowly, but surely, about to dip
behind the horizon and disappear until the morning. We sit in the sand and
watch it all for the moment, taking in the natural scenery like when we used
to watch the stars. This moment is our moment. We always shared these
type of moments with one another; we always made time for this no matter
where we were in the world. Seeing as we’re so close to one another and
Austin is leaving tonight, I couldn’t think of a better moment to have with
them both.
It was something that I knew that they knew that I needed.
As we sit and watch the sun move to another place—another
home. I’m still trying to find out where my heart’s home is.
Is it with Ted? Or is it with Nick?
In short, should I follow my head or should I follow my heart?
I was driven out of my thoughts by a loud scream. I notice that
night had already fallen and Taylor got scared because she couldn’t find us,
so she cried.
“I got her!” Chris pushes himself up from the sand and rushes
over dotingly to his daughter who panicked for a moment. When she hears
her dad’s voice, she calms down a little and rushes to him while wiping her
cheeks.
The sound of the water lapping at the shoreline sends shivers
down my spine. I turn my attention back to the stars greeting us through the
dark cloak that is wrapped around this part of the world. It’s amazing how
quickly the world loses light for some time as another source light appears
when you think you’re in darkness.
I could feel the wetness sting my eyes as I stare at the stars that
were twinkling above me.
“Did you know that every star we see is bigger and brighter than
the sun?” I begin to have flashbacks of a moment I could never forget. “And
when a star ‘twinkles’ it’s actually not due to the star at all, it’s due to the
Earth’s turbulent atmosphere.” I remember that night like it was just
yesterday, I could never forget that moment. It was our moment. A perfect
moment that we shared together on the roof of that house back in college.
“I didn’t know that . . . that’s kinda cool.” I still, to this day, am
not sure if he even cared about what I said. He was still nice enough to stay
with me and keep me company. “Why do you know a lot about space?” He
smiles that perfect smile I rarely see these days. Now, he looks stone cold
with that pout he wears constantly.
“I always liked learning about space. I have a telescope at home;
depending on the night, I look out of it at midnight just to look at the galaxy.
It’s so beautiful.” I packed up that telescope away after I returned home
from college. It reminded me too much of that moment. It was childish of
me to remove everything that reminded me of him, but since doing that, I
was able to cope.
And when he kissed me, I felt my entire body give into him and
the perfect shape of his lips.
“Carter?” Austin’s nudges me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry.” I bow my head ashamed and wipe my eyes.
“It’s okay to feel upset. I can come back any time I want to.” I
could hear the teasing tone in his voice, so I look up at my older brother to
see the glint in his eyes as I clear my own head. He sighs and wraps an arm
around me, pulling me closer to his chest as we both stare out at the sea and
watch the ripples of the waves, the white line of the foam teasing us as they
come closer and then disappear. “You’ll be alright.” He kisses my head
tenderly like he always did while I was growing up. I never really fought
with Austin back then. I used to with Chris more times than I did with my
older brother. He was my protector, like my dad, so he was always there for
me. Chris was, too, but Austin always looked out for me in a different way
from Chris.
I used to fight with Chris more than anyone. He would say the
stupidest things to me and I would to flip out. Now that we’ve grown up,
I’ve become accustomed to his stupidity; he’s still my brother.
“You always were alright, even when it got hard for you, Carter.
You are a lot stronger than you think you are. I’ve watched you grow into a
strong and beautiful woman,” he says to me, and it makes me smile.
“Thank you,” I whisper back to him and hug him closer.
“You know I’m just a phone call away, right?” I nod back,
knowing he’s always going to be there for me. He’s family.
“I know you are, but you call me most of the time. You need to
find yourself a girlfriend, and soon. Mom is getting worried,” I joke and he
pulls back to nudge me with his shoulder.
“Who knows? Maybe I already have one?” He stares out at the
ocean. I pull back away from him to look at my brother, clearly in shock.
“Wait, what?” I laugh in disbelief. “You have a girl?” I ask in
shock. He rarely talks about girls with us, so the fact that he has tells me he
really likes this girl.
“Not exactly . . .” He shakes his head from side to side.
 “What do you mean ‘not exactly’? You either do or you don’t,
Austin, which is it?” I ask him to expound on his cryptic words. All he does
is laugh a type of laugh that I’ve never heard before, and it makes me smile.
“What was that? Hold on! What was that noise that just left your mouth?” I
try not to laugh at the sound that just left his own mouth.
“What noise? That’s just how I laugh,” he denies that his laugh is
any different, but I know my brother. That was a different laugh.
“No, that is not the noise you make when you laugh. You sounded
like Taylor for a moment,” I joke.
“Pfttt, I did not sound like Taylor!” He laughs that different laugh
again.
“There! That laugh, what was that?” I chuckle as he starts to make
me feel better. I could always count on my family to make me feel better.
“Carter, that is how I normally—”
“No wa—Oh . . . my God!” My jaw drops open after my
realization.
“What?” Austin stops for a moment, looking at me with fear.
“Are you in lov—”
“Hell no!” he yells.
I can’t help but laugh even more. “Oh my God, you are—”
“No, I’m not!” He launches himself at me to bury me in the sand
as we laugh at one another while he tries to tickle me.
We hear Taylor squeal with laughter as I roar with my own and
roll around in the sand to escape my brother’s hands that are driving the
sound of joy from my body.
I’ll miss him, I’ll miss this.
“No! No!” Taylor rushes to back me up and tries to help me
escape from Austin’s grip, but Austin has the same plan for her, going a
little lighter on his niece. Her eyes shut tight as the smile grows on her face
while she reaches out for me to help her.
Like the kid I am, I climb on top of my brother to rescue her as we
gang up on my oldest brother, who is enjoying every second of this.
Out of breath, the girls win. We’re both released from his grip as
he rests a hand on his chest as he gathers himself.
“So weak,” Chris playfully chides him, looking over the defeated
body laying in the sand. Austin grips the sand and swishes his leg around to
try and kick Chris, but Chris’s feet have always been as quick as a hiccup.
Taylor and Chris go back to playing by the shore so she can
collect her seashells to bring back home. Austin readjusts himself so we’re
back to sitting next to one another as we watch our family come together.
“I look forward to meeting her one day,” I whisper. Not to cause
another tickle fight between us, but to honestly say this without actually
saying it; I know she’s the one, whoever she is. I’ve never seen a smile like
the way he’s smiling right now. I have also never heard him laugh like that.
He exhales with a smile on his face, picking up the nearest pebble
and rubbing it between his fingers. He shakes his head as if my words are
funny. Maybe they are, but either way, this girl, whoever she is, has made
my brother happy.
“So what about you?” he asks, throwing the pebble down towards
the shoreline.
“What about me?” I retort.
“Come on, don’t be like that.” He smirks over his shoulder. “I
know you were lost in your own thoughts a few minutes ago for a reason.
What’s on your mind?” he queries and waits for my answer.
“Nothing,” I say breathily, “and at the same time . . . everything.”
I stare up at the stars once again; it relaxes me. Between the sight and the
sounds of the waves, I can feel my body begin to relax from its tense state.
This was something that I never realized that I needed. I needed
family, and no judgement.
Not a single question was asked about me, Ted, or Nick; it’s just
the way I want it. A simple escape from my harsh reality.
My harsh decision.

* * *

Nick
I lift my bag over my shoulder and make my way to my rental car
after signing on the dotted line to access it. With the tag keyring clanging in
my pocket, I make my way to the lot where it was shown to me.
As I greet the young man standing outside under a kiosk, I show
him my tag and he calls out the numbers on the company radio to another
guy in the parking lot.
I wait in the heat that I haven’t felt for the past few years. The
only time I would be here is when I played for the team I was on at the
time, and even at that, I still never returned home or made an effort to see
my dad.
The old Mississippi heat.
The hot, wet, and humid trap that claws at your lungs if you
haven’t adjusted, and I’m feeling every bit of it. The dense air sits heavily
in my lungs.
I take off my hat and wipe my head with the top of shirt to get rid
of the perspiration. As I do that, I see a sleek white Audi A7 roll up to
where I’m standing. A wide smile greets my face upon seeing the beauty on
four wheels. I walk myself over to the guy driving it to hand him the tag
and for him to attach the keys to it so he knows it’s a match.
“There you are, sir, I assume you know how to drive it?” he asks,
shutting the car door and crouching down to peer through the open window.
“Oh, yes.” I’m still grinning like a kid in a candy store as I check
out all the gadgets and the goods that come with this amazing car.
“Enjoy.” He taps the door for added approval. I drive into the
direct heat. With the sun shining on my face, I leave the airport behind me
and make the long journey down to the house that I haven’t visited in a
while.
A couple of hours later, I find myself outside my childhood home.
The garden has been kept neat and tidy. The flowers are in bloom, giving
the place a little color.
I switch my gaze to the road in front and decide to reach for my
bag in the passenger seat beside me. I kick open the door and drag myself
out, still knowing that I only half want to do this; the other half keeps
repeating Elaine’s words “Forgive, forget and fix” over and over again to
push me towards the navy-blue door. A clean white house, just how my
mother always wanted. She finally got my dad to come around to it. It looks
like it’s been freshly painted too.
I trudge up the pathway to get closer and closer to the door. Once
on the porch, I press the doorbell and let it chime.
I feel like a stranger, even though I’m at my own childhood home.
 I wait. I can hear footsteps coming closer. When the door opens, I
see my mother. Her mouth drops and so does the bowl tucked under her arm
so she could manage to open the door. Both hands come up to her face and
cover her mouth in shock.
A soft smile plays on my lips as I wait for her to say something—
anything.
I get a scream from her and then she wraps both arms around me.
“Oh, Nicholas! My boy! My boy!” she screams in my ear, practically
making me deaf.
I close my eyes and take her in. “Hi, Mom,” I whisper. Once I
open my eyes up and look into the house, I hear another set of footsteps.
Over my mom’s shoulder, I see Ellie rush out to see what is going
on. A beaming smile greets her face as I feel a wave of guilt wash over me.
She’s so grown up, and I was too selfish to return to watch her grow into a
young girl.
I replicate her smile and open my arms for her to join in. She
races towards me and wraps both her arms around me as well.
I hold both of them since I miss them so much. All because of my
own decisions.
“Hey, Ellie.” I smile down at my youngest sister and watch her
beam back up at me.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening. It’s you—it’s
really you!” My mom pulls back and looks at me dead in the eyes. Taking
my face in both of her hands, she stares at me like I’m not real, like it’s all a
dream for her. “This is just . . .” She pauses for a moment to take this
moment in. I hear the final set of footsteps come closer, the ones that I’ve
been dreading, and the reason why I took this trip down here to see them
all.
My father.
He looks disheveled and worn. A salt and pepper beard matches
his hair. Crows feet is etched deeply around his mouth and eyes. Some
might say laughter lines, but he’s far from laughing.
We stare each other down for a moment in utter silence. It was
brief, but it lasted longer than it should have.
It was awkward, to say the least, but it didn’t make me want to
run.
 “Come in, come in!” My mom picks up my bag and ushers me
inside for some cool air. She sets it down near the sofa in the other room
and I pat my little sister’s head; she’s still holding me close. “Oh, it’s so
good to see you.” My mom gets excited again, making Ellie’s eyes roll
heavenward at her dramatics, but I know my mom really missed me. I can
see her eyes dance with joy every time she looks at me.
There’s pride in her eyes.
“It’s good to see you too, Mom.” I could see my dad leave to go
back to what he was doing. I watch my mom’s attention be drawn to him
once again and then back to me, pretending it didn’t happen. She smiles
weakly at me and then comes closer to kiss my cheek. “You sit down, I’ll be
right back. Would you like some water?” she asks as she begins to walk in
the direction my dad left in. I nod simply as a reply. “Ellie?” she asks my
sister and she copies my response.
I stand in the living room and wander around to see everything
has stayed neatly in its place. All of the photos are still the same; the
paintings, the objects, the sounds, and even the smells, it’s all the same.
Chocolate cake; my mom’s famous dessert, I think to myself as I
inhale once more.
“I missed you,” Ellie delicately speaks up to me as she sets herself
down on the sofa.
“I’ve missed you way more.” I smile and saunter over to crouch
down to her level.
“Why didn’t you come back?” That was the question that I didn’t
want to hear. Not from my younger sister, who doesn’t understand the full
story—the full mistake.
“It’s a long and complicated story Ellie, I—”
“George!” I can hear my mom scold my father in a hushed tone,
but I can hear it; so can Ellie. She smiles sheepishly to ignore it. It was time
to face the music. I needed to stop their fight as I know it is about me. I
need to speak to him.
“They always fight,” she says in a sorrowful tone as she turns
herself to face where our mom left. Returning her attention to me, she
continues, “He spends his time out in the garden all of the time. Either that
or in the garage. He always spends time alone out there to get some peace.
He barely sits in his chair anymore.” Ellie does her best to talk over them
while they blatantly argue in the other room, thinking that we cannot hear
them.
She points to the empty chair at the end of the long sofa. The
dark-brown leather is cracked in many places, along with the armrests and
headrest. The old recliner always looked like it’s on its last legs, but it never
failed him even after all these years. My dad has had that chair since before
I was born.
I reach across my sister to get my hand on the remote control. I
switch the TV on and change the channel to something she might watch. I
look back at her and see her smiling back at me but her eyes tell a different
story. I hand her the remote and say, “Stay here okay?” I stand up to my full
height and lean over to kiss the top of her head. “I’ll be right back,” I tell
her.
“That’s what you told me five years ago.” Hearing her voice get
sadder breaks my heart even more.
“I know, but I will keep my promise this time.” I offer her a weak
smile and reassuring words, but I need to back it up with my actions too.
I make my way towards the hushed voices in the kitchen. As soon
as I enter, they both look at me. My footsteps echoes once it becomes silent.
I smile softly at my mother and she beams with joy just like she
did when I arrived.
Then I finally looked at my father once more. He was between the
garden and the kitchen, just on the threshold of the inside of the house
where the sliding door is at, one foot in and the other foot out.
Right in the eyes, I could see him clearly. He still has that
darkness in his eyes. This is the third time I’ve ever seen this darkness
before. One, when he invited himself to practice and gripped his hand
around my neck. Two, when I punched him in this very kitchen for making
me naively choose between the two things that I loved most. Three, right
now, as I look at him like he’s ready to run away from me.
He always had bright eyes paired with a smile.
“I was thinking of sticking around for a few days, if that’s alright
with you?” I begin.
“Oh, absolutely sweetheart, you’re welcome to stay as long as you
want. I’ll set up your room for you. Come.” She beckons me to follow her
out of the kitchen and up the stairs to where my old room is. She links her
arm with mine and pulls me down the hallways I haven’t seen for many
years. “I’ll be making your favorite tonight because of your wonderful
surprise. I’m so happy you’re home, Nicholas!” She squeezes my bicep
with one hand.
“It’s good to see you, too, Mom.” I kiss her head.
“I’ve changed your room a little, just in case you were to ever
come back home for a little while; just minor changes. I got you a bigger
bed and took down those god-awful posters you had up here. I just couldn’t
look at them any longer.” She opens up my door and I see she had not made
minor adjustments to my room, she had made major adjustments. It looks
like a completely different room.
“Minor adjustments? Mom, you obliterated the entire thing.
There’s nothing in here that I can recognize!” I laugh at her attempt—a poor
attempt mind you—at hiding the fact that she has slashed my room and
revamped it to suit her style. It’s a nice room, though, just not the same.
“You couldn’t tell the difference, sweetie.” She walks further into
the room.
“Alright, name one thing that is still the same,” I quiz her while
folding my arms.
She looks around the room for a short while and points at the
bedside locker “I kept this the same as your old room, remember?” she
points out. I couldn’t help but laugh at my own mother. I’ll give her props
for trying.
“That’s it?” I question her.
“I couldn’t look at the mess, Nicholas. You moved out, but I
always wanted you to come back home and have a nice place to sleep at
night. You know, in case you brought someone home . . . or something . . .”
She shrugs as she fixes the bed sheet so it’s laying flatter than it was
originally. Sitting herself on the side of it, she pats the space next to her for
me to join. The light blue duvet cover is silk-soft to touch.
“Well, it looks good, Mom. Thanks.” I sit beside her and take my
new surrounding in.
I know that this was her comfort project. If she kept herself
preoccupied, she wouldn’t remember that I haven’t been home since getting
drafted. It’s was almost like her coping mechanism. I can see it every time
she fixes something. She wants it perfect for me so I have a reason to come
home. She wants everything in its place so that I feel comfortable.
“No problem, sweetheart. I loved doing it. If you need an interior
designer for your new home in LA, just pick up the phone. Or just to talk,
I’m always here for you.” I could see her two eyes brewing with tears. She
waves her hand in front of me and scoffs at herself. “Gosh, I’m sorry. You
must think I’m ridiculous.” She chuckles to hide how much she’s missed
me being back and how much I’ve really hurt her by staying away from
home.
“I never wanted to hurt you, Mom. I just couldn’t come back here.
I’m sorry, I never wanted to make you upset. It’s not your fault, I miss you
every single day—”
“I know, Nicholas, I know. I’m just glad you’re back now. I’m so
glad to see you back home.” She squeezes both my cheeks as I see a single
tear drop from her eye. I never wanted to make my mother cry, not in a
million years. Whether it be happy or sad tears, I never wanted that.
I freak out when anyone cries, I don’t know what to do. So, I just
hug her once again.
We stay in my room and catch up while she unpacks my clothes
from my bag. She insisted on doing it; I think she only wanted to do it for
more comfort. I’m ashamed that I have driven her to this.
Hours later, I find myself sitting in my old place at the dinner
table. My dad has chosen to eat in the garden. I can see the pain and sorrow
in my mother’s eyes as she checks on him every once in a while. He’s
purposely excluding himself, and it’s not down to me. It looks like he’s
done this on a daily basis. It’s not only hurting him, but it’s hurting my
mom and sister.
It’s unfair for Ellie to see her father like this. Haley and I always
had him sitting with us when we were growing up. He always made a huge
deal out of sitting at the table while my mom always made a huge deal out
of manners, whether it be in general or at the table. She’s ingrained it into
us all. Looks like Ellie is no exception, but my father is showing bad table
manners by not sitting with us while we eat as a family. He chooses to be
alone.
“How’s school?” I ask my sister.
 “Fine; boring, but fine.” She rests her head on her hand and
pierces her food with her fork.
“She has a crush on a boy—” my mom interjects, causing Ellie to
moan back to stop her from talking.
“MOM!” she yells, making me choke on my food.
“Wait, what? A guy?” I look to my mom for confirmation because
I know my little sister is way too embarrassed about this. “Are you
serious?” I ask my mom and she nods. I crane my neck to face my beetroot-
red sister slouching on the chair in front of me, trying to get out of this
situation “Is she serious?” I question her.
“No . . .” she peeps, but I can tell by her trying to hide that it’s
true.
“You’re not allowed to like a guy! Or girl, how old are you? Like,
ten?” I wave my hands hysterically, not happy about this.
“Yeah . . .” She shrinks even more.
“Go easy on her, Nick, it’s her first crush—”
“MOM, stop it! I don’t like him!” she whines to our mom in front
of me.
“Okay, okay, okay! I’m sorry . . . She doesn’t like him.” My mom
looks over the bridge of her glasses, exaggerating the lie. Ellie huffs in her
seat.
“Stop looking at him like that, Mom!” She points at me, getting
even more annoyed, which only tells me one thing; she does like this
mysterious guy.
“You’re ten, you can’t like someone at ten. I’m pretty sure I didn’t
even like girls when I was that—”
“Amanda Simmons,” my mom interjects, effectively shutting me
up.
Touché, Mother, touché.
“Mom, not helping my point here.” I put down my knife and fork
to turn around and face her giggling away to herself for getting a point.
“Double standards,” Ellie mutters under her breath, causing me to
face her again.
“And what do you know about double standards? Huh?”I stick out
my tongue and she starts to giggle across the table.
 “Now who’s the ten-year-old?” She tilts her head to the side in a
condescending manner.
“At least I don’t have a crush.” I copy her tone.
“At least I’m not in looove—”
“Ellie!” my mom scolds her about the sore topic, killing the vibe
in one simple sentence. The complex topic of love and what happened to
me once I found it.
“Sorry . . .” she apologizes timidly and sits herself up so she’s
sitting straight. The room goes so silent, you could almost hear a pin drop.
“It’s alright.” I forgive her for the slip up.
I finish my dinner soon after that and we continue the light
conversation at the table. But when the time for dessert came, my mom
reminds me of the one rule about it.
Nobody fights over dessert.
We took it in two ways; we don’t fight about dessert and we don’t
fight while having dessert.
As she cuts a slice for me after serving her and Ellie some first, I
reach for another plate for her to cut another. As she does, thinking it was
another one for me, I stand up and take both plates into my hand. “I’ll be
right back,” I say to the both of them, letting them know that I needed some
time alone with my father.
He’s been hiding from me since I got here, and I think it’s about
time that we finally spoke about the elephant in the room. I look out
towards the garden to see if I can find any movement in the dusk of the
night, but I don’t see or hear anything.
“Try the garage,” my mom suggests. I saunter towards the door to
the garage where I can hear the clanging of the tools he’s using to fix up an
old car that he’s been working on for years. Five years, he’s been working
on this for five years.
As I kick open the garage door, he doesn’t even look up. He
continues to work on the old red Chevy he bought in a junkyard sale. The
potent smell of oil and grease coats my nose but I adjust to it quickly. “I
said I’ll be in later for dessert, Lynn,” he says in a grouchy tone, thinking
it’s my mom.
I set the two plates down, making sure the forks don’t slip off the
side, onto the nearest space available on his workbench. A harsh sigh leaves
his mouth as he removes himself from the hunched over position he was
once in underneath the bonnet of the car, continuing to work. He waits for a
reply, and I give him one.
“I think you and I should have a little talk,” I speak, making him
stop in his tracks.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Just Say It

Nick
He sighs and rests both palms on the ridge of the car that divides
the car from the outer paint and panels, the inside and the outside. The
complexity of the dusty car engine has his attention and not me.
The heavy smell of oil mixed with the sweet sensation of the
chocolate cake’s aroma rolls into one, making my stomach churn a little.
Mom’s chocolate cake should only be eaten at a table, and not the one in the
garage.
“Well, I don’t need to say anything,” he finally speaks to me with
an attitude I don’t agree with. He refuses to look at me, which shouldn’t be
much of a surprise, but I am his only son.
“Fine, you don’t have to talk. You can listen.” I finally dominate
this conversation that we should have had many years ago. That even is still
fresh on my mind. I didn’t want to deal with it until I had the conversation
with Elaine. I just gave him his chance to have a civil conversation with me
after five years of dodging it, but he refuses to do it on my terms. Well, I’m
not going to do it on his either.
“No.” He throws a wrench into the tool box with a loud clang and
moves the others around that are tucked inside the box. He moves toward a
red metal box to retrieve another tool for another job he wants to dodge me
with.
“Yes.” I deny his rejection. I watch his shoulder drop after another
long sigh from hearing my harsh tone that he has brought out of me. His
head lifts up, and he stares forward at the wall full of tools hanging neatly
in their places while I stare at the back of his head, noticing the grey hairs
dominating a good portion of his hair, and wait for him to turn around and
face me.
 When he does, he leans back against the table, acting like he
couldn’t give two shits about this. Folding both his arms across his chest
and his legs at his ankles, he rests all his body weight onto the old, crooked,
and stained table he uses to house the rest of the tools he’s collected over
the years that don’t hold a place on the tool wall.
“What? What could you possible want to say to me after five
years of not coming home or traveling nearly two thousand miles that you
couldn’t say over the goddamn phone to me, Nick? Hmm?” he says in a
huff, like I’m annoying him and interrupting his precious car time that he’s
used all these years to avoid family. I can see that it has bothered my mom
and sister when he excuses himself from their company.
“Stop acting like a child!” I huff at his attitude.
“A child? You think I’m acting like a child? Why don’t you start
looking in the fucking mirror and start doing some growing up of your own!
Or do you need your mother to do that for you too?” He points one hand at
me and the other at the door I came from.
“Don’t bring Mom into this. This”—I point between the space
where we’re both standing—“is between you and me. I haven’t traveled this
far to come and fight with you . . . again. If I did, I would have gladly done
it over the phone.” I roll my eyes at how immature he’s acting. “While
you’re at it, get the fucking pole that’s lodge up your ass removed because
it’s obviously affecting your mood.” Before he says anything further, I
interrupt him, “Save me the comebacks or the threats. I’m tired of it.” I
wave him off and reach back to grab a chair that’s lodge behind the stack of
boxes in the far corner and drag it over to where he was working to make
sure he listens to me loud and clear if this is how it’s going to go.
“What do you want?” He leans back and waits for me to sit down.
I can see him going into defense mode already, which is not ideal, but I’m
not surprised either. “To hit me again?” he scoffs. I can see that he just
wants to get this over with, judging by his standoffish demeanour.
How inviting, I think to myself sarcastically. “You deserved it—”
“How?”
“You fucking told me to break it off with Carter!” I yell at him in
irritation. “Can you not see that what you did is completely wrong! You
pressured me into breaking up with the only girl that I have ever opened
myself up to and fallen in love with. I fucking loved her, heck, I still do!
And you have the nerve to stand there and act dumb, pretending that what
you made me do was the right decision?” I talk back, finally getting to the
root of it. No more beating around the bush, it’s game time.
“It was for your own good and you know it—”
“No, it wasn’t. It was for your own good,” I finally say it. The
look on his face let’s me know that I hit him hard with that one. Good, at
least he knows how it feels. He knows just as well that I did it because he
wouldn’t have stopped. “You were living your dream through me. The
simple story of the dad living his dream through his only son because he
never got his shot at going pro—”
“How dare you—”
“How dare I?” I laugh until it falls into silence once again. The
mortified look on his face let’s me know that he never thought I’d find out
he was a college footballer, too, but he wasn’t good enough to go pro
despite working hard. He had a bad ankle injury and it never healed right. “I
know everything,” I say diplomatically. “I know you never got your chance,
so you wanted mine.” I slam my hand on the table. One directed at him out
of anger and another directed at myself for getting heated so quickly. “You
wanted to live through me, you know I’m right.” A look of shock on his
face tells me that was the last thing he expected to leave my mouth.
“How did you—”
“Know?” I scoff and turn my gaze to the side wall and shake it.
“Is that all you really give a shit about right now?” I laugh in disbelief that
it’s all he picked up on.
“Don’t play with me now, boy, I’m warning you.” I rise up to my
feet to show him how much I’ve outgrown him both in height and width.
Gone are the days of me feeling intimidated by him.
“And what are you going to do?” I test his anger when I know I
shouldn’t. This is not how the talk should go, but here we are.
“Sit down now,” he urges me with a fire in his tone. I do it
anyway, not because he told me to, but it’s because he knows I got my point
across. I have the upper hand.
He walks back to the tool box and fishes around it until he finds
the tool that he wanted. I, on the other hand, reach for my cake, not letting it
go to waste despite the god-awful smell of this place.
 “How did you know?” he finally asks me after some time of
sitting in silence. All we could listen in that time was our own thoughts.
“Grandpa,” I say just before biting into the chocolate goodness
that was blessed to me by my mom and her impeccable baking skills. My
dad slams both his hands down on the car’s ridge, gaining my attention.
“That was not for him to tell,” he says with a growl.
“And what you made me do wasn’t for you to decide,” I counter.
“It’s not the same thing!” He shakes his head, irate that my late
grandfather spilled the beans on him.
“Isn’t it? He decided to tell me this, and you pushed me into
breaking up with my girlfriend—”
“Stop! Just fucking stop it! I made you do it because she was
dragging you down. You wouldn’t be the player you are today if it wasn’t
for that decision! I was looking out for you future—”
“No you weren’t. You were pushing me to have the future that
you wanted! You didn’t give a shit about me or her. It was my decision, not
yours. I would have never done it! The reason I’m the player I am today
was because I worked hard! Not you, not her, not anybody. I fucking
pushed myself to be a better player. But I’m number three in the country
when I should be number one! I would be number one if I hadn’t have
broken it off with her. Now, she’s with someone else, and I can’t have her!”
I yell and launch the chocolate cake across the room, smashing the plate
into small pieces as they drop to the floor of the filthy garage. He watches
the action play out and stares at the waste on the floor.
“You worked hard because you didn’t have her.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“She was not the right one for you. You were young and dumb.”
“I was in love with her.”
“You don’t know the meaning of love. You were both far too
young to know that you were in love with one another.”
“There you fucking go again, telling me how I feel when you have
no idea. You aren’t me. I know what I want and what I feel, and I love her. I
always have. No one, not you, or anyone else for that matter, can change the
way I feel about her.” I cut the air with an open palm to cut the bullshit
spewing from his mouth.
 “Then why wait so goddamn long?” He lifts both of his hands in
the air and shrugs his shoulders like he’s gotten one up on me. “Why wait
so fucking long to go to LA and finally see her? Don’t think your mother
doesn’t fill me in on your shit. I know everything. If you love her so much,
then why did you wait? Huh?” he questions me. All I could do is stare at
him. “That’s what I thought—”
“Because I thought she hated me. I didn’t want to hurt her by
seeing her again,” I whisper, mainly to myself, but I know he can hear it.
“That’s a bullshit excuse—”
“It’s the truth, something that you wouldn’t be familiar with,” I
cut him off in a harsh tone, making him look me in the eyes. “The thought
of seeing her again with the look in her eyes when I broke her heart that day
made me dread seeing her again and made me hate seeing you again.” I
could feel my entire body drop to the floor beneath me and get swallowed
up by a large black hole that’s been waiting to suck me in. “I couldn’t face
that look again,” I admit. “When I found out she found someone else, I
knew that I’ve lost my shot with her.”
I drop myself back down on the seat with a long sigh. I lean my
elbows on my knees and stare at the floor. “Everything about her is so
perfect. I never thought I could ever meet someone like her. Nobody can
ever compare to her. She’s so kind, so selfless, and is always smiling. No
matter what it is, she’s always smiling. She’s always been that way ever
since I first met her. I never believed that bullshit saying of getting
butterflies in your stomach until I met her. Or just being able to look at
someone can make your entire day. Or staying up all night just so you could
listen to their voice. I never got anything like that until I met her. And the
crazy thing is, I still get that when I’m around her.” I finally look at my
father dead in the eyes, feeling my own tears as I pour my emotions out like
I’ve never done before to him. Southern men don’t do it. I can see he’s
uncomfortable, but I just don’t care. I am tired of fighting, I’m tired of not
being happy, and I’m tired of not being my true self.
I miss her.
I love her.
And she’s all I want.
“Seeing her can be debilitating yet energizing at the same time.
Debilitating because she has this hold of me like nobody has had before.
Energizing because she makes my heart race, but also makes my mind fog.
I’m not able to think rationally when I’m around her. She doesn’t have to
say anything, yet I find myself completely absorbed by her. I smile when I
see her. I can’t control it.” I feel myself give in, ashamed that I let her go.
I’m crawling to get her back but I’m not sure it’s working.
“I feel safe when I’m with her. I feel at ease and comfortable. I
can truly let my guard down around her. I’ve never been able to find
anything close to that since meeting her. She’s my absolute everything, and
I can’t have her.” My voice quivers at the end. I licked my lips to try and
stop myself from crying. I know I’ve most likely lost the one woman that
I’ve ever loved. “And that’s because of your decision. Not even mine.” I
nod, knowing that I’ve finally said what I’ve kept to myself for all these
years. I finally get to speak my truth.
“It wasn’t even my choice.” I’m trying to hold back my emotions
but I can’t seem to whenever I talk about this or about her. “Now, she’s
chosen to be with some other guy who treats her with no respect as she sits
back and takes it all because she doesn’t think she can do better or doesn’t
think that she deserves better. Do you know how hard it is for me to stand
there and watch it happen? I can’t even do anything about it because it’s no
longer my place.”
“She believes that she can’t get anyone to love her for who she is
and that she has to compete with their careers. I could have been that guy, I
could have been the guy who got to love her—to love her the way she
deserves to be loved.” I can feel my rage start to kick back up while I
continue, “And because of what you made me do, I have to sit there and
watch some guy mess with her heart while I could have been the one to love
it.” I rest my hand on my chest, feeling it thump away in its cage.
“I could have been happy with her if it wasn’t for you. All you
had to do was tell me that I needed to focus and not let my emotions about
Averman get in the way of the game. After that, you could have stepped
away from our relationship and let things happen naturally between us.
That’s all you could have done. Instead, you took the one thing that only
ever made me happy and forcefully pushed her in another direction, the
opposite direction, and then choked me. That’s not fair. I could have been
happy. I could have had football and her, then I wouldn’t be so miserable as
I am right now.” I bite my lower lip, trying to gather my own thoughts and
to stop the shaking in my voice. I wait for him to say something, but he
doesn’t. Only our breathing and the light hum of cars passing by outside the
garage can be heard.
“Being miserable is your own choice, and judging from the
tabloids, you didn’t seem all that miserable with half of the Miss USA
contestants on your arm,” he grills me while I shake my head, ashamed by
my own actions. He is right, but also I’m angry with him for even bringing
it up. “Seems like you still loved her then, huh?” I stand up tall and laugh,
disgusted by his remark.
“Nobody can compare to her. You did the exact same when you
and mom broke up too.” Astonished, he whips his gaze back to me and I
stare back expectantly. Yeah, I know.
I don’t think he needs to say anything more at this point. He made
it very clear that he didn’t want to talk.
But I’m not going to lie, I feel lighter having said what I said. I’m
glad I did this—I’m glad I made the trip down here, even it took me five
years to do it and a much needed kick from Mrs. Steel to really do it.
I said my piece, but it’s time to clean up the mess that I made,
both figuratively and literally. I first start with the literal mess that I’ve
made and make my way over to the wall where I threw the plate. I bend
over and collect the shattered fragments. I pick them up one by one, being
careful to not cut myself. Delicately, I collect them in my hand and hold
them tight.
Just as I am ready to leave out the door and retire for the night, I
stop when my hand reaches the door handle. It hovers on it because of his
voice.
“Did she have that look when you saw her again?” His question
keeps me on the edge.
I smile like an idiot when I think back to when I saw her for the
first time in five years. Thinking about her does that to me.
“No,” I say as I push the door open, hitting both my mom and
Ellie who were pressed up against the door listening to the conversation, as
predicted. I shake my head at the two of them for being so nosy and then
turn to face my dad once again. “She didn’t have that look.” I walk out to
the kitchen and dump the plate into the trash. “I’m sorry.” I kiss my mom’s
cheek, apologizing to her for smashing her plate after washing my hands.
“I’ll buy you a new set,” I promise and she swats her hand in the air.
“Don’t worry about it, sweetie.” She laughs it off, but I know it’ll
bother her that she doesn’t have the complete set. She has always liked her
kitchen utensils and dishes.
She wraps both arms around me and hugs me like she did earlier
on. “You also need to stop eavesdropping on conversations,” I say pointedly
and watch her smile back at me. I tilt to the side to catch my sister trying to
sneak away. “And you don’t need to be picking up on her bad habits either.”
I nudge my head towards our mom, who chuckles in response.
“Don’t listen to him, honey, you be nosy if you want to be nosy.”
She rushes to Ellie and pinches her cheek.
I shake my head behind our mom and mouth, “Don’t do it.” My
dad finally comes into the kitchen, and the room turns quiet; you could
almost hear a pin drop. It was a little awkward but a lot less awkward than it
was before I came home.
“Hey, listen, I’m going to go to bed. I’m beat, okay?” I squeeze
my mom’s shoulder as I pass by her so I can go and retire early and get
some peace and quiet in my old room. It may be redone, but it still has the
same vibe as before.
“Alright, good night, sweetie.” My mom blows me a kiss and I
wink at my sister. When I get to my father, we look at one another once
more. My mom and sister hold their breaths in suspense.
We nod and I ascend.

* * *

Carter
I’ve kept myself busy for the past while, avoiding everything that
I could think of that has to do with friends, family, and Nick.
I have kept to myself. I needed the time alone so I could think
things over. I need to know what my body and heart are telling me.
But I know that there is one thing that is clear in my mind, the one
thing that I’ve been avoiding the past few weeks. I’ve been working myself
to the bone in order to keep myself preoccupied, but it hasn’t helped.
 No matter how hard I try to distract myself, I keep going back to
it.
So here I am, driving my way to his house. Green light after green
light, I feel like the universe is backing me as I make my way down the
streets of Los Angeles. It wants me to do this, to see him.
There is nobody around, not even a single car in sight. This is all
where young professionals live. It’s not a family oriented estate, but I never
expected him to live in one. He doesn’t like kids, and I know it is a struggle
for him. It took us the entire relationship for him to warm up to Taylor and
for her to warm up to him. In the back of my mind, an alarm is going off
when they still wouldn’t make the effort to get to know one another even
after all this time. Basically, it was very strange to me.
The Chargers are on an away game, so everyone has left for
Arizona to watch them play against the Cardinals. I decided to stay here.
Even though I wanted to go, I couldn’t leave without doing something that
has been weighing heavily on my heart.
Once I arrive to the familiar terracotta house surrounded by well-
kept bushes and a tall palm tree shared with the next door neighbor. I park
up in the next available spot that’s a few yards down his home and step out
of my car. When I close the door and stand there, I stare at the dusty old car
that has given me both good and bad memories. An old but steady car that
will never compare to my OG baby, Roxy. It has broken down more times
than I care to count, but it has always come back to life when I needed it. It
has pulled through for me even through the toughest times.
I give her a light tap of thanks before I lock her up and continue to
the reason why I’ve come here today. As I follow the path towards the main
door of the house, I begin to feel my heartbeat pick up. After one deep
breath, I climb closer and closer until I’ve reached the white door with the
steel numbers “27” written on the wall beside it. In between the door and
the numbers is a bell. I push it to let him to know I’ve arrived.
I wait and wait for what feels like an eternity.
Just as I’m about the push the bell again, I see the door open.
With his shirt off and a toothbrush in hand, Ted greets me with a
look of shock, eyes widening and both brows being raised. Slowly, he leans
out of the door and checks both sides of me to see if anyone else with me.
 “Hey,” he says hesitantly. “Is everything okay?” he asks. Seeing
him with his shirt off should make me feel flustered and giggly, but it
doesn’t; not anymore.
“Um, can we talk?” I wring my hands out of nervous habit
whenever I talk to someone about a subject that I know they aren’t going to
like.
His face pales as soon as I’ve said it. A hint, one that everyone
knows when you’re in a relationship. Those three words can make even the
strongest man scared.
“Uh, yeah. Sure.” He pushes his back against the door and allows
me inside the place I’ve come to many times. I do have the key he gave me
but it doesn’t feel right to use it now.
“Thanks.” I pass by him as I push deeper into the hallway. I make
my way towards the living room and eye up the sofa where we spent many
nights hanging out on. We used to have cooking competitions and taste our
meals blindfolded then give each other a score out of ten.
It was a fun memory.
“Can I get you something?” he asks. It’s the first time I’ve felt
like a stranger in his home. It feels more like a bachelor pad, dare I say.
“No, I’m okay. Thanks.” I wave his offer off. I want this to be
quick and not painful for both parties.
“Just say it,” he unexpectedly says. “I know the reason why
you’ve come today, so just fucking say it.” His temper begins to show. This
is what I was afraid of the most. I wanted this to be amicable but he’s
choosing a different tune to play right now.
“Ted—”
“No! If you won’t do it, then I will!” He points to me then to
himself as he inches aggressively closer to me. I feel my body stiffen as I
watch his muscles move along with his words.
“Ted, please. I just don’t want this to be a big thing. I know you’re
probably hurting—”
“Hurting! Are you fucking kidding me? I’m ecstatic! I’m through
with this stupid relationship. Actually, I have been ever since you started
ignoring me. Do you know how petty that is, Carter? Fess up, you have
been nothing but an anchor to me this entire time, and I need someone who
will be there for me—”
 “No! What you want is a prisoner. A trophy wife without a family.
That’s what you want!” I take a deep breath, rising to his level. I felt
ashamed that I did that. This is not how to handle things. This is not the
way. He wants a big blow out to give him a reason to hate me, but I won’t
rise to his immaturity. I won’t. “Look, I don’t want to do it like this, Ted.” I
shake my head, begging him to not go down this route.
“It’s because of him, isn’t it?” He scowls at the thought of Nick.
“You cheated on me with him, didn’t you?” he booms, causing me to step
back and take a deep breath in. Shocked is an understatement of how I feel.
I’m hurt that he would think so lowly of me.
“No, Ted, I didn’t cheat on you with him. I’m a little insulted that
you think I would. I would never and have never cheated on anyone, and
you know I wouldn’t, so don’t even go there,” I warn him with a pointed
finger, acting like a mother scolding her child for having his hand in the
cookie jar. “Don’t stand there and insult me like that.” I’m starting to get
upset that he came to that conclusion.
“If not that, then why? Why the fuck are you doing this?” He
shrugs, standing there in front of me.
“I just don’t think it’s going to work. It’s fizzled out—”
“Fizzled out?! You haven’t given this much of a shot since he’s
moved here—”
“Hold on a minute, I have given it my all with or without him
here. It has nothing to do with Nick, so stop bringing him up!” I yell at him,
infuriated. You know you’re lying.
“So you’re telling me that our relationship has fizzled on its
own?” He sends a wave of attitude over to me with folded arms.
“Yes. I wanted someone present with me as much as they can, but
you’re not. You’re too focused on your work. I both admire that about you
and resent it, but that’s not what I want. I wanted balance, but I know you
can’t give me that, Ted. You forget half of the time that I’m even there—”
“That’s not true and you know it—”
“What about those dinners when you stood me up at the
restaurants? You’ve done it numerous times. You prioritize your work over
me and forget to even send me a message to let me know. And it didn’t just
happen once.” I tilt my head to the side and feel my face drop in
disappointment. “It’s not working, and you can see that too,” I point out.
“You have noticed that we are not compatible enough for each other.” I
shrug while he just stares blankly at me. I can see his eyes moving as he
thinks it over.
He shakes his head and moves himself around in circles with his
bare feet. “I had a ring for you,” he blurts out. What he said causes my jaw
to drop open. My heart stops when he opens his mouth and says that. It was
not what I was expecting.
“What?” I ask incredulously. I could feel a sense of panic rise up
my chest thinking about it, thinking about a life with him. It’s not
something that I want. I’ve known that but buried it in the back of my mind
for a while.
“I held off on doing it for some time,” he confesses and I feel a
little at ease. That is a special moment between two people, and I wouldn’t
want that taken from him for a pity proposal.
I drop my vision to my feet and stare at them as I think.
“But it looks like I’ll be keeping it in my safe now—”
“Look, I know you—”
“No, you don’t know. You don’t know how I’ve felt about you,
Carter. I was going to propose to you—”
“You were,” I state.
“What?” he asks in frustration, causing the crows feet in the
corners of his tired eyes to be more prominent.
“You said ‘I was going to propose’ like you changed your mind
—”
“Yeah, because you’re standing here trying to end it—”
“No, I’m not trying to end it. I am ending it.” I stop us from going
around in circles and make it clear that this is over. I don’t want to be part
of this relationship anymore.
I’m tapping out and hoping someone can help me up.
“No, I’m ending it,” he retorts through gritted teeth.
How childish, I think to myself.
“Fine. Either way, it’s over. I’m leaving.” I walk around him to
leave but he takes hold of my upper arm. I sigh, staring forwards out of the
the door way to get to the hallway.
“What did you mean by ‘you were’?” A final question that was
pending for both of us. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he already
knows it. He knows that he bought that ring on the spur of the moment, an
impulse buy some might say. He knows that at some moment during our
relationship, he chose to not do it. It wasn’t Nick, it was us.
“I think you know what I meant when I said that. I think you
knew that we weren’t right for each other, but you’re too afraid to admit it,”
I softly say, trying not to dig the knife in any further. I don’t want to hurt
him or myself. That’s why I came here today; to get this over with because
the silent treatment wasn’t fair. It’s not right to keep playing this unhappy
relationship that we both already want out.
“Were you in love with me?” he asks, and I feel my heart shatter
with the desperation that came from his voice. I couldn’t lie either. I am
confronted with a question that he never asked before and most certainly
never liked.
“Ted—”
“Please, I need to know.” The grip on my arm becomes harsher.
He was a controlling person; always was. I thought it was because he hasn’t
been in a relationship before, but now I see that it’s part of who he is.
“I’m sorry.” That’s all I say for him to know that I wasn’t. And
with that final piece, I leave his home for the final time.
I’m on my own now. I’m out of the hardship that was my old
relationship, and now, it’s time to rebuild.
I had given myself the time to cry alone and peacefully mourn the
relationship I had with him. I felt better doing that. It gave me the strength
to come over to his house and tell him to his face. Without that time, I
wouldn’t have been able to do it tonight. I would have chickened out or
cried then and there. What I did was the right thing to do. Even though I
feel better, it’s still painful. That time we were together, I was invested in
the relationship. Now, it’s gone.
I feel a sense of peace, knowing that I had the control over the
breakup this time. Although the guy still chose his career over me, I was the
one who broke it off instead of him. I had control over myself again and I
felt so good, empowered.
For the first time in my life, I made the decision, even though I
know he’ll tell his friends the opposite. I don’t care.
I’m Carter Steel again, and I will never lose sight of her.
 I stare back at the house. He’s not in sight, giving me the green
light to remove myself from him for good.
I slip into the driver’s seat of my car, biting my lip to hide my
smile. Even though it hurts a little, nothing will ever compare to my last
breakup.
I ignite the engine in a rush and strap my seatbelt around me,
ready to head off into the sunset, toward my own home. I’ve decided to
think about starting anew and redecorating the place. I’ll need to think it
over and budget myself, because one thing can lead to another and I won’t
be able to foot the bill.
I need to chill and keep this smile on my face. Being comfortable
in my own skin is the one thing that I’ve struggled at. I need to be me and
be okay with being me before I can be with anyone else.
As I look upwards and follow the signs towards my home, I arrive
just in time to watch the sunset. As I push myself out of the car with a little
bounce in my step, I stand tall and watch the color of the sky, mesmerizing
me for a few moments.
The pink, purple, orange, and yellow sky hypnotizes me with the
subtle changes in its hue as the sun disappears below the horizon for its
bedtime. I lean back against the door of my car and cross my ankles and
arms as I stand there, taking the view in.
I watch the sun hide away as the moon and stars come out to greet
me. The darkness cloaks me, but I don’t feel frightened. I feel alive. I look
straight up to see some stars twinkling and smiling back at me.
“Hi there,” I greet it.

* * *

Nick
Due to the summer nights still standing as it is, I have to head to
Arizona in the morning for the next game with the team. Coach gave me the
time off as he knew that I would be good to play once I check into the hotel
tomorrow morning and get myself a quick training and warm up session.
 The heat still lingers in the air even when night has fallen. I push
the window out even further and rest myself on the sill, leaving one leg
dangling out and the other planted firmly against the wall for support. I
stare at the quiet neighborhood and watch the stillness take over my body.
The sound of crickets tell me I’m not alone out as I listen to the
night. I sit there and begin to think over the conversation I just had with my
dad. It got heated, but I’m hoping he finally understands that he never
should have inserted himself between me and Carter.
But it’s in the past. I’ve got to live in the present, in the now. One
day at a time, I reassure myself.
I stare up at the black sky with specks of light dotted across it.
The moon aligns itself with the stars. The brightness of it contrasts heavily
with the inky background of the night. I see a star above my head over to
the right side as I hang further out the window. I hold on tight to the ledge
so I won’t fall out. I watch it twinkle back and remember the time that
Carter told me it’s not the star that’s twinkles, it’s due to the Earth’s
turbulent atmosphere. Something that I could never forget.
After remembering the fun little fact she told me, I smile and
chuckle a little. She was always a little nerd and never tried to hide it from
anyone. She has a whole bank of knowledge in that mind of hers and I love
her for it.
As I watch the star twinkle back at me, I smile back and say,
“Good night, Carter.” I climb off the window sill and shut it behind me as I
lock it. I draw the curtains close and slip off my clothes to get into my new
bed, hoping the mattress is up to par. Knowing my mom, it most likely is.
I allow my body to sink into the mattress and, just like I expected,
it’s perfect for a good night’s sleep. There is just only one thing that I’m
missing.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Have I Lost Her Completely?

Nick
I am just laying here—in complete silence—listening to the pots
and pans banging off one another in the far distance of the kitchen. My
mom is hustling and bustling around to make breakfast. I could even hear
her on the phone with an old friend who is a nutritionist, asking what’s the
best breakfast she could make for a professional athlete.
The thought of her going out of her way to make sure I get my
protein and nutrition makes me laugh. She had always been bending over
backwards for me from the minute I was born.
She is a caretaker at heart and will always look after anyone she
knows. She’s a talker, too, she can talk herself into or out of any situation
you could think of. So, she has connections.
I’m up at 9 AM sharp. I can hear her feet patter up and down the
hallway as she makes her way in and out of the kitchen. Bright and early,
like always.
I just get the funny feeling that she misses me.
I miss her too. I always have, even when I was in college.
I lay on the bed with my arms over my stomach and the sheet
loosely wrapped around me. The cool air from the air conditioner blows
over my exposed skin while the sheet keeps me at the right temperature.
I’ve been told that I’m a walking furnace, so I like the cold.
I’ve decided to make the most of my last day here. Even though it
was a short trip, I knew I had to come. I was able to mend what I needed, or
at least tried to. It didn’t go so well yesterday, but at the same time, I feel
the weight finally lift off my chest.
I got to say what I’ve been feeling for so long to my dad who
meddled in my relationship, so mission accomplished. I’m just hoping it got
through to him and he can look me in the eye once more.
I’ve been disgusted for so long, and I’m tired of carrying that
weight.
Forgive, forget, and fix.
Move on. Move forward.
A soft knock on the door catches my attention. I know it’s my
mom trying to see if I’m awake. So, I push myself up from the bed and
answer, “Come in.”
But just as the door opens, I soon realize it’s not my mom—it’s
my dad. “Hi,” he greets me and enters the room, leaving the door open
behind him. Walking further and further into the room, he stands at the foot
of my bed and rests both hands on his hips, shoulders square and eyes
staring straight at me.
With a silent question of a raised brow, he continues with the
reason behind his visit.
“Can I show you something?” he asks me and I nod in response.
He moves towards the open door then stops. “I’ll meet you downstairs,” he
says over his shoulder and continues to walk away.
For the next few minutes, I spend the time getting dressed while
thinking about the million and one possibilities of what he wants to show
me, but I just couldn’t pin it down.
I raise myself off the bed after tying both laces and walk out. I
close the door behind me and catch a small frame standing by her own
bedroom door.
“Where are you going?” Ellie asks quietly.
“I’m not sure yet,” I reply, “somewhere with Dad.” I continue
walking but I know that look on her face. It’s the same face she gave me
when I told her that I’d be back five years ago.
I’ve instilled that anxiety in her because I was too selfish to return
home. Even putting my anger aside, she suffered the most. “I will be
coming back, don’t you worry about that. And maybe some time, I’ll get
you to come visit me when you’re a little older so you can fly to me? How
does that sound?” I ask her but it doesn’t work. She needs that reassurance,
those words. “I promise you, Ellie, I will come back.” I walk over to my
youngest yet fragile sister and hug her tight in my arms and lift her up. I
hold out a pinky for to her for a pinky swear.
 She giggles but does it anyway.
I set her down at her door and walk down the corridor to get to the
stairs where my mom is waiting for me with a huge grin on her face.
“He’s waiting for you in the garage,” she says as she kisses me
good morning. “Good morning too.” She winks and squeezes my hand. She
nods down the hallway towards where her other half is and I leave her to it.
Usually, we would sit down for breakfast, but it looks like everything has
been put on hold and the table is set for just two now. I walk past the smell
of pancakes and head over towards the garage door in the kitchen.
I push it open to reveal my dad staying under the rolled up door of
the old Mustang he’s been working on, sticking out slightly more than last
night. He peers at me over his left shoulder and stands beside the car.
He’s always been into cars.
I remember when I was a kid, I told him that when I make it pro
that I’d buy him any car he wanted.
The naivety of children.
“Hop in.” He nods his head to the other door and slides himself
into the driver’s side while I slip into the passenger’s side of the old yet
stylish vehicle he calls his pride and joy. I close the door gently behind me
as he used to roar at Haley for slamming it when we were younger,
particularly any of the good cars he had. He used to yell, “Are you trying to
shatter the window?” So, with that in mind, I shut it with enough force to
close it but still gentle enough to not get yelled at.
“So, where are you taking me?” I ask. It’s still awkward between
us because we’re still angry at each other, yet the air around us isn’t that
hostile. I can’t explain it wholly.
All he says is “You’ll see.”
The drive is just forty minutes of us listening to the radio and the
noise of passing cars. The car is a convertible, the side windows connected
to one another. It has three doors; two to the side and one for the trunk. Very
old but very classic.
Not a spec of dirt is on the paint or the leather seats. The odd
conversation we have is him telling me all about the new installations he
made to the car that was on the edge of going to the scrap yard. He worked
on it for years and brought it back to life only recently.
 By the sound of it, he has so much pride in the work he did on it,
even if he’s holding back.
He parked up at a familiar place to me. One that was bittersweet.
Ole Miss. I haven’t been back here since I graduated. I was glad
to be gone from here. I never wanted to come back, but here I am. As soon
as the car rolls to a stop, my dad wastes no time in getting out. I
begrudgingly follow him.
I stand and watch all the college students pass us by without any
notice. “Come on, this way.” My dad grabs my attention again and drags
me towards a place that I haven’t been in five long and painful years. The
football training grounds.
We walk side by side, hands in our pockets and in pure silence,
listening to nothing but our footsteps and stranger’s conversations.
It’s a short walk to get to where we wanted. We arrive outside the
stadium where I trained with the team and where we played our home
games. The memories of a bustling crowd screaming for us to win occupies
my mind. A lot of celebrations and a lot of injuries were made on this field;
some of them were career ending ones.
We make our way inside and bypass some people working to
maintain the building. We head towards the seats where the fans sit and
move down the steps towards the field I once played on. I soak it in and
remember all of the times I used to look into this area to find Carter. I
would always find her looking back at me like she was searching for me. It
was harder for me to find her, but I always managed just fine to find her
beauty within the crowd.
He sits in the first row of the stands, closest to the players’
benches and where Coach used to roar at us when we weren’t doing things
his way.
I sit next to him, leaving one seat between us.
He spreads his arms out so they’re resting on the back of each of
the adjacent seats. He leans back while I lean forward as we both stare out
at the green grass lined with numbers and white paint.
I can see that there isn’t anyone training right now, so it’s
peaceful. I have never seen the field in this state before. It’s so unfamiliar
and strange, yet, beautiful in its own way.
 “I don’t know if you remember this, but I took you here to see
your very first football game. You had been watching it on the TV and kept
begging me to take you to one. I couldn’t get you to go to bed because it’s
all you wanted to see. You wanted to see a live game, one in a stadium. A
college game was the only one I could bring you to at the time, so I brought
you to Ole Miss versus Florida Gaters, right here. You had the itch the
entire game, so I signed you up to play the next weekend when you were
only four. I left you to make some friends and you liked it. You even got TJ
involved. You two were inseparable.” He chuckles like old times. I crane
my head around to face him but he continues to stare forward. I haven’t
heard him laugh in so long. It’s an unfamiliar sound, yet something about it
was comforting.
“You fell more in love with it. The more you watched, the more
you wanted to play. You were never afraid to try something new on the
field. It made you a better player over time as you knew what style you
liked and what you didn’t. I loved watching you get better and better at
almost every game you played. You used to get so upset if you weren’t on
the field. You used to sit in the corner and sulk when you didn’t get what
you wanted.” He turns his head to look back at me. “You’re used to doing
things your own way, anyway. I remember you used to run out onto the
field when you were told to sit on the bench until it was your turn. You
always had a fire lit underneath you. You always had the drive to be the best
on that field, and you were—you are. You only ever had football in your
sight, and that’s all I ever had for you too. Your mom had your education
first, I had your talent. You had both . . . until your last year of college—”
“I’m going to stop you there—”
“Let me speak,” he cuts me off once more. There is a softness in
his tone, almost like he is pleading to me for more air time. So, I allow it
and motion for him to continue on.
“You were doing so well. Your focus was only on school and
football; that was it. Then, at the beginning of your last year, I watched you
start to slip. I was terrified you were going to get passed over if you kept
playing the way you were. I wanted the scouts to see your true potential, but
you weren’t playing at the same level before you met Carter. I know it
wasn’t fair to blame her entirely, and I apologize for that—”
 “I’m not the one you need to say that to,” I butt in a little too
harshly. The topic is very sensitive to me even after five years.
“I know, but I do owe you one too. I have been thinking about it
since last night when you spoke about her. Even after all these years, I
could see your face look different when you talk about her. I thought about
it once more last night for the first time in five years. You’re just like me;
you’re stubborn. And don’t go thinking that you got it from your mother.
You didn’t. You’re right about everything you said. I shouldn’t have
interfered, it isn’t my life. It’s yours, and I wasn’t living my dream through
yours. I was a good college football player, but I would have never made it
to the NFL like you. I knew you could make it that far, Nick. I just didn’t
want you to regret it if you got passed over. And look at you, you got
drafted easily. Definitely shut me up.. And to be quite honest, I thought you
would have gotten back together with her as soon as you made it.” He
shrugs while still maintaining eye contact.
“She didn’t want to talk to me—”
“I know, you hurt her with the decision I effectively forced you
into. I shouldn’t have. I knew you loved her then, and I know you love her
now, but you weren’t going to get drafted, Nick. I thought I was doing the
right thing as it was the only thing that I knew would get your focus back.
Your game was slipping, whether you wanted to hear it or not, and I did talk
to Bulldog. He agreed that your game was going downhill—”
“I can control my focus much better now,” I cut him off.
“I have no doubt that you can. I still watch you on TV,” he admits
with sorrow in his eyes. I remember roaring at him that he cannot come to
any of my professional games. I became a petty son of a bitch and only sent
tickets for Ellie and my mom.
I was fuming; I never wanted anything to do with him. It’s only
now I’ve realized that he thought he was doing the right thing at the time.
He now knows that it wasn’t the case—that he fucked up. He still believed
it until last night. All this time, he had convinced himself that it was the
correct decision. And it only took to see how broken I am without her for
him to realize that it did more damage than he initially thought.
“She was never just some girl to me,” I answer.
“I’ve only realised now,” he confesses. “And the truth be told, I
never paid her any attention because I thought she was just another one for
you. The ‘for now’ girl and that you’d move on to the next as soon as you
left college. I mean, you looked like you were, judging from the media and
the tabloids.” He’s making reference to the girls I had hooked up with over
the last five years.
“Not my finest moments, I know.” I rub my hands together and
shift from side to side, cringing at the thought.
“Everyone fucks up.” There’s a double meaning to that but I don’t
push it.
It took him five years, I know, but he finally recognizes it.
“I’m sorry.” That’s the one thing I didn’t think he’d say, yet he
did. He actually said it. But it’s hard for me to accept. All the pain and
anger that he caused me won’t just go away that quickly. Our relationship is
fractured, and it will be for a while. It will rebuild back but not to what it
used to be. It will never go back to that.
“It’ll take time,” I tell him and look down at my feet. “Our
relationship will not be the same, but you already know that.” I can see
from the corner of my eye that he’s nodding softly.
“I understand. It will come in time,” he agrees.
I know no matter how hard we work on our relationship, it won’t
be the same. There will be a hint of resentment from me, and he knows that.
I’ve wasted five years without the woman I love because of him, and he
knows that. It’s not about punishing him and it’s not about punishing
myself. This is just what it is, this is what it’s all come down to. This
moment.
Forgive, forget, and fix.
Forgiving is the easy part.
Forgetting is the hard part.
But fixing—fixing is the unknown part. That takes time, and I
don’t know when it’ll happen but we can only start from the very beginning
and try.
“Before I came out here, I spoke to Elaine Steel. She advised me
to come see you and talk this out. She used three simple words—”
“Forgive, forget, and fix?” he asks. I snap my head around to face
him. He stares back with a smirk on his face.
“Did she speak to you too?” I ask incredulously.
 He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, it’s an old saying that
some people from ’round here say a lot. She convinced you to come down
here then? To talk this out with me?” I nod back and rub my hands along
my mouth out of nervousness.
“She was like a second mom to me,” I whisper to him only for
him to sit forward and gather my attention back.
“Your mom hounded me over this too. When you refused to talk
to me at first for the first few months, so did she. She wouldn’t even look at
me. I thought the marriage was over.” He sighs. “Love is complicated but
you stick with who you love no matter what, and that’s what she did with
me. Even when she didn’t agree with it, she stuck by my side.” My mom
never told me any of this, she always kept me and my sisters out of any
fights or quarrels between my dad and her. She never wanted us to see them
fighting. That doesn’t mean we didn’t. She tried to hide it but we always
knew. I always knew she fought with him about me and Carter, but I never
got the details.
It remained silent for the next few minutes as we just sit in the
stands during the hot sunny day. Nothing is going on, but I am able to find
my inner peace by just sitting here, especially after having the civil
conversation that I never thought I’d have, especially since the topic is
something so traumatic for me.
I was traumatized after what had happened that day five years
ago.
I had fallen in love with Carter, and it had been cruelly taken
away from me. I was the happiest I’d ever been. I felt invincible, on cloud
nine, but it was ripped away from me.
“I forgive you,” I say, simply to let him know. “I may not agree
with how or why you did it, but I forgive you.” It was time to tell him that.
It had been weighing heavy on both of us for so long. It’s time to let it go. It
was not fair for either of us to carry it around, but it most certainly isn’t fair
on Carter. “Having said all of that, I still think you owe Carter an apology.”

* * *

Carter
 I have ordered enough food for my entire neighborhood. It’s all
laid out on the table and ready for me to pick at throughout the game.
Sunday night football, and the Chargers are playing tonight. I couldn’t
afford the ticket to go and watch. I didn’t want my brother to pay for it,
either, so I finally got him to stop badgering about paying for me.
It took a while because I know how persistent Chris can be. He
knows I love to watch a live game in the midst of the crowd. The
atmosphere is intoxicating. There is nothing quite like it, if you ask me.
But the living room will do for now until their next home game.
I have nachos, chicken quesadillas, potato salad, and pasta. All of
my favourites that I spent the entire morning preparing, except for the
salads; I did them yesterday. I have one of my brother’s playing a game in
Arizona while the other is in New Jersey with my dad as the head coach,
both at separate times. There will be a crossover, so I have to flick back and
forth to see the score.
This is the battle me and my mom often face when we have three
family members on two different teams playing different games and
different times.
What a nightmare.
I sit on the sofa and wait for the team line up to be shown on the
screen. I know it’s nearly time. I watch each of the players stand in their
positions as each of their names are announced. I see Chris and smile; I see
TJ and smile; then I see Nick and I still smile.
In fact, I pause the TV so it stays on his face. I push myself up
from the sofa and walk over to the screen so that those beautiful hunter-
green eyes stare at me like he used to. I sigh at how pathetic I actually am
right now. I unpause the program and allow the TV to continue on.
I sit back on my heels and stare at the wide screen TV that is
showing the opponents for tonight. I prepare myself for the game and go
back to the sofa.
For the next few hours, I scream and shout at the people I know
are dominating the game. The Chargers are in full control for the first
quarter of the game and are going at full steam. Chris is on fire; he’s finally
gotten his groove back after the last few games he’s had. Because of this,
he’s unstoppable right now.
 It always makes me smile to see him play like this, to show the
world how truly talented he is. My brother is a credit to this game and his
family. I’m always so proud of him that he gets to do what he loves
everyday, both of my brothers. They have raised that standard of football
without intending to, and it has paid off for them.
The whole country gets to see their talent.
The one person I find myself looking for throughout happens to
be the star of this game. I’ve never seen him play so amazing. It’s truly
beautiful and a pleasure to watch him. The way he moves on the field is
completely different to any other player I have seen. He has his own
signature, his own way, his own play.
The fluidity of the way he releases the ball; the precision in how
he calls the shots and orders the play; the memory he has to be able to
remember so many different plays and to know which ones would work
against the opponent; the ability to read his opponents, to read the field, and
to read their game—their styles. It is amazing to watch how methodical he
is, how he chooses what is best and how confident he is in his play and
decisions.
There is no room for doubt in his eyes, and you can see that when
he pulls the guys into position and orders them to follow the same beat.
It’s a different kind of art form.

* * *

Nick
“Alright, guys!” Our coach gets our attention in the locker rooms
by yelling at us. “Great game, you guys did good, but we still have a long
way to go. We need to keep this momentum going. We need to get to the
Super Bowl. That is the goal you guys. I know if you continue to play like
that, you will all get there. Alright?”
“Yes, sir!” we all answer proudly. We are on track but we need to
keep the focus going.
“Alright, hit the showers. You all stink,” he jokes and leaves us to
it. I grab my things for the shower and walk in to clean myself off from the
sweat I pumped out throughout the game. Arizona is hot as hell, and I
always forget that. We were sweating buckets throughout the game because
of this. The fact that we ended up winning makes the trip so much sweeter.
“You coming out with us, Jackson?” Perez, a fellow teammate,
asks me just as I strip off.
“Nah, not my scene—”
“Not your scene? Man, we all know that’s a load of bullshit. You
have to come out.” He chuckles and so do some of the guys.
“Lay off, Perez. If he doesn’t want to go out, then he doesn’t want
to go out,” Jason interjects. To be honest, I don’t want to go out because I
do not want to be seen around girls. I know that, that is all they want. Most
of the guys on the team are single and only a handful are married and have
girlfriends. The others just go out to get a hook up before they go back to
LA.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to win back the woman that I love. I can’t
take a step backwards and lose her trust.
“Pfft, pussy.” He laughs it off. “You got a chick back at the hotel
or something?” He chuckles but Chris darts his eyes at me and Perez caught
on. “Woah, what was that look you gave him?-”
“Do you?” Chris asks me with an underlying annoyance wrapped
into it.
“No, I don’t have a chick back at the hotel,” I deny confidently
because it’s true. The thought never even crossed my mind, nor did I even
consider it.
“Yeah, yeah. You totally do, Nick.” Perez is stirring the pot and
I’m beginning to get annoyed with him.
“No, I fucking don’t. Drop it.” I assert and he begins to smirk,
thinking it’s hilarious.
“Perez, don’t,” Jason warns him again. The kid never listens. I’m
lucky if I can get his attention during a game, never mind after it. Especially
when he’s so close to having his arms around a few girls that he will never
see.
“What? So you’re telling me the fucking King of Hooking Up
isn’t going to a club to hook up with someone and that he doesn’t have a
few lined up and ready to go back in his hotel room? I’d say you met the
girl in the hotel—”
 “That’s enough!” I roar at him. He didn’t expect that reaction
because he drops his towel and freezes on the spot.
“Nick,” Chris warns me. I look at him, annoyed that he doubts
me, but I know he’s still unsure and doesn’t know what to believe.
I take in a deep breath and continue to make my way past Perez,
who looks terrified of me. I did gain a reputation of always starting fights
and using my fists to end them. He knows it too. “Nick,” Chris calls after
me, making me stop in my tracks.
“I don’t have a girl back at the fucking hotel.” I say while
growling at him and turn to face Perez. “I’m trying to win back the one girl
that I have ever loved, and it happens to be his sister”—I point to Chris—“I
don’t need you fucking that up for me, Perez. So, no, I have no intention of
fucking a girl tonight. I will be going back to my room. I don’t need to be
Nick ‘Bad Boy of the NFL’ Jackson for tonight.” I leave after that. Nothing
more is said, not even in the showers.
I have a temper, I know, but I don’t like people saying that stuff
about me anymore. In the past, I ignored it, but now, I know it will get back
to Carter and she will form an incorrect opinion of me. It affects her in more
ways than I can count.
The showers were awkward and quiet. Nobody spoke, they were
all afraid to. I finish quickly and return to my locker to get changed and
leave so I can return to the hotel. Usually, they would have a dinner for the
players afterwards, but I’m going to skip that too. I just need to be out of
the public eye for the night. I need to recover.
I need to be alone.
I pack my bag and throw it over my shoulder.
“Wait up!” I hear Chris’s voice and it makes me shut my eyes and
sigh as I turn around to face him. Of the two brothers, he’s the most
protective of her. I know what he’s going to say. “Ride with me, I’m going
back to the hotel too. Taylor is with us, so I need to put her to sleep—”
“I can watch her,” I offer. “You and Danielle can go out with
Haley and TJ, I can stay in and watch her. I’m going to stay in for the night
anyway,” I offer as an excuse to stay out of any clubs they’re going to.
He doesn’t say anything other than nod his head in the direction
of the door. I leave with him and walk down the desolate hallways of the
stadium.
 All you can hear is our footsteps as we walk towards the exit.
He starts talking to break the silence, “I know you love my sister.
I kinda always knew you did. I knew she also did too.”
Did, past tense. Have I lost her completely? I sullenly think to
myself.
He adjusts his bag before continuing, “I know you’re trying to do
right by her, but she doesn’t trust you, Nick. You let her down and broke her
heart. I’m her brother, and I will always protect her, especially from broken
hearts. I know she’s a fully grown woman, but she’s still my little sister. So,
forgive me if I’ve lost trust in you too. Just saying you’re not going out to
party with girls and the team doesn’t make it better in my eyes. You have a
long way to go with her. It’s not going to be sunshine and—”
“I don’t want that,” I cut him off.
“What do you want then? Do you even know?” he asks. This is
the calmest I’ve ever seen Chris. He’s usually a complete goofball and is
always laughing while being the butt of a joke, but this is a different version
of him; one that I’ve never seen before. It’s quite refreshing even when his
words are harsh.
“I want her,” I simply say.
“It’s not that easy—”
“Isn’t it?” I reply. We stop walking and we face one another for
this part of the conversation.
“She’s taken,” he reminds me and I look down in sorrow.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t try, Chris. He doesn’t treat her well, even
you know that,” I state facts that he can’t even deny.
“But it’s not my choice, not my life, and not my relationship.” He
shrugs and places both hands in his pockets.
“But you can see what I see,” I point out.
“That he’s not right for her?” he asks and I nod. “Yeah, I can see
that, but she has chosen to stay with him. That’s not up to you.” I sigh. He’s
right, but I’m tired of waiting.
“Five years, Chris,” I remind him.
“And who’s fault is that?” He raises an eyebrow, challenging me
for the answer we both know. I exhale harshly, knowing that this fuck up
has left me in limbo.
Do I get my chance or not?
 “Look, I know you’re a good guy. Better than him, hell, I fucking
told her that. I nearly lost it with Danielle when I found out she set them up
—”
“Wait, what?” I ask.
“Not important.” He shakes his head, wanting me to not go there.
“Look, you and I both know she needs to make a decision on what she
wants, but that’s her decision. You made one five years ago that made you
stand right here and confess to me how much you love my sister when you
should be telling her that, not me.
“That decision has tarnished your reputation and taken the trust
she had with you away. I know you were forced into it, I get that when you
were young, you thought there was nothing else you can do other than take
the choice, but you did choose, and you didn’t choose her. She’s the type of
girl that doesn’t want to get in the way of someone else’s dream, but it still
hurts her. And while it wasn’t the first time it happened to her, it hurt for her
even more because she loved you, Nick. And I know you’re trying to make
up for lost time, I can see that you’re really trying, but I’m not sure that it’s
enough.” He systematically shatters my hopes.
“So, what do you suggest I do?” I ask him to help me.
“I suggest you ask her that, not me.” He sends me a tight smile
and continues to walk down the tunnel. “And I know you don’t have
another girl waiting for you in your hotel room. Perez can be a dick
sometimes—he’s young, stupid, and hasn’t fallen in love before—so he
doesn’t understand. If he could run on the field like he runs his mouth, he’d
be one hell of a player, that’s for sure.” Chris snorts and goes back to his
goofy self.
“Daddy!” Taylor screeches and it echoes loudly through the
tunnel.
“There’s my princess!” Chris crouches down to lift up his little
girl into his arms after running as fast as she could. When she reaches him,
he surrounds her face with small pecks of love that she so clearly enjoys.
When we get to Danielle, he engulfs her too and gives her a long kiss.
“Hey, you played so amazing!” She rubs his cheeks and he leans
in to kiss her forehead as a sign of how much he cares for her.
“Yeah, Daddy played so good!” Taylor slaps her dad. “Hi, Nick!”
She waves hysterically over at me. She never fails to make me smile.
 “Hi, Taylor,” I greet her and give her a high five.
“You played unbelievable tonight, Nick. I don’t think I’ve seen
you play so good in a long time. You just seem to get better and better with
every game.” Danielle squeezes my arm.
“I must be getting more used to the team these days,” I thank her
as she begins to take Taylor back from Chris, who begins to walk over to
the car we’re riding in.
“Well, your game didn’t go unnoticed.” She winks after her
cryptic sentence. I look at her in confusion as we walk over to the vehicle,
so she smiles. “You’ve also gained another fan.” She points to her daughter,
who grins largely back at me in delight. “She was cheering for you for the
most part. Sorry Chris, you got demoted to second string for most of the
game. I thought I lost her to Jackson for the rest of the game,” she playfully
jokes to Chris, who begins to tickle his daughter, making her screech in
laughter.
“My own daughter would never betray me,” he jokes as he listens
to the sound of her laughing uncontrollably in the car seat.
I slide into the back beside Danielle while Chris is up front with
the driver that will take us back to the hotel.
“So you’re not going out tonight?” Danielle asks me, and I catch
Chris’ eyes look at me through the rear view mirror and smile to myself.
“No, but if you and Chris are, I can be on babysitting duties,” I
offer. Danielle shoots a look to Chris, who rolls his eyes.
“She’s all yours, Jackson!” Danielle throws a fist in the air just as
we move off.
“Thanks, Jackson,” Chris says sarcastically and I wink back at
him.
“Anytime.”

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
My One Out Of Ten

Nick
After babysitting for Chris and Danielle, I’ve now realized in
great detail that, yes, I would love to have kids sometime, but just not right
now.
Taylor is so adorable and cute, but she has me driven me mad as
soon as her parents left to go out and join in on the celebrations with the
rest of the team and their other halves. As much as I wanted to celebrate, I
wasn’t in the mood—especially not tonight.
Taylor was a big ball of energy for the most part, until she crashed
hard and fell asleep on the sofa. I had to carry her to her bed and tuck her in
to make sure she was alright. Danielle had changed her into her bed clothes
before she and Chris left.
I sit alone in the room and watch TV while keeping one eye on
her. I’m not even in my own hotel room. I’m watching the game we just
played and picked on what I could improve on. I picked out other things
that I saw from other players, both on my team and the opposing one.
Taylor had inputs, too, when she was awake.
I remember one input she had for me.
“You should smile,” she said and it definitely rang true to me.
When my face appeared on the screen, she would race over and point at my
mouth to try pushing up the corners and make me smile. I do smile, I just
find it hard when I’m not wholeheartedly happy right now. How do you tell
a child that? So, I smile at her and she points at me. “Like that.” She
grinned back.
She’s a great kid.
Like all kids her age, she’s a little energetic and a little sassy,
which she no doubt gets it from Danielle.
 I had a good night, even when most of it was spent with a kid. It
was refreshing, to be honest. I feel like she felt a little closer to me too.
When she sees me in the lobby, she immediately walks over to me
and holds on to my hand as we were getting ready to leave to go back to
LA. A swarm of cameras catch the moment. No doubt, my face will be
everywhere in the media with Chris protecting his daughter as best as he
could.
I was the only one in the entire team that was fresh-faced today.
The rest were hungover or extremely exhausted. There were a lot of
grouchy faces getting on the flight back to LAX this morning.
There were a lot of grunts from the players who had kids on the
flight. They just didn’t want to deal with them. Chris was no exception, so
who did Taylor spend the time with during the flight?
Yeah, me.
She was showing me how she played her games on her iPad while
sitting on my lap. Danielle would come and check in every so often and
thank me for taking care of her.
I gave her parents the break they were in need of, especially after
drinking so much. She was energy incarnate for the entire morning.
They needed some down time, and more importantly, some quiet
time.

* * *

Carter
I begrudgingly wake up to my alarm telling me it’s time to get my
ass to work today so I can make it on time. I groan and fish for my phone so
I can switch it off and slide out of my comfy bed.
I roll on my side and wipe my eyes to open them up. I yawn while
doing a very much needed stretch.
I kick my duvet off my body and roll the other way so I can put a
foot down and begin to wash my face with cold water.
My morning routine is simple, I wash my face and brush my
teeth, then I put sunscreen on my skin for protection. I usually have my
breakfast made the night before and then I’d bring it to work so I can eat
with Candice before we begin.
Muesli, banana chips, fresh berries and oat milk is what I’ll be
eating this morning. It’s a good way to start the day.
An hour later, we’re sitting at the table together. The first ones to
arrive, as usual, I comment to myself. We always have a good catch up in
the morning because I trust her. She doesn’t say a word to other people in
the office because we don’t hang out with them. We just gravitated towards
one another and nothing has changed since.
“Carter?” she asks me. I was lost in my own thoughts. She
reaches over to the remote sitting on the other table and turns on the
morning news. Instead of regular news, the gossip columns come on
because the other girls left it at that channel in the office. Candice decides
to leave it on.
“Hm?” I look at her.
“You okay? You seem to be lost in your own thoughts there.” She
chuckles as she opens her yogurt and pours it in her bowl.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now. It’s hard
to keep focus, you know?” I wave it off with a soft smile.
“You want to talk about it?” she offers me her time.
“I don’t think you’d want to listen—”
“Oh, sure I do. That’s what friends are for, right?” She winks.
“But only if you’re comfortable telling me. We can talk about something
else if you’d like?” She takes a bite out of her cereal with yogurt on top.
I sigh to my bowl and twirl the spoon around to mix my oats.
“I ended it with Ted.” I can hear her coughing after I said that.
She is striking her chest and reaching for her freshly squeezed orange juice
sans pulp.
“Oh my God!” She breathes harshly. “I don’t know what I’m
more shocked about, that you guys broke up or that I saw my life flash
before my eyes because of the cereal.” She never fails to make me laugh in
the morning. “What happened?” she asks.
“I just didn’t feel that we were working out.” I shrug and take a
bite from my own breakfast. “We were both getting irritated with one
another, and I can see it putting a strain on our relationship.” I shrug.
 “That happens. You keep giving your relationships plenty of
chances to let it fix itself, but it never happens. It’s just how things go. If it’s
not meant to be, then it’s not. There’s no point in forcing it,” she offers me
advice that I wish I listened to previously when people had their doubts
about us. “So, who ended it?”
“I did, I went around to speak to him and told him it’s for the best
that we need to go our separate ways. Well, not in so many words, but you
get the picture,” I tell her to keep an open mind with what I’m saying.
“And how are you?” she continues with her line of questioning.
“I’m good. I actually feel fine. The day after I broke up with him
was hard, but after that, I feel like I got it all out. Now, I don’t feel anything
for him or the relationship. I feel lighter. It’s hard to explain, but I feel
relieved,” I tell her, taking a deep breath.
“That’s what a toxic relationship does to you.” she says cuttingly.
My eyebrows shoot up in shock that she saw it too. “Yeah, I noticed. Girl, I
noticed everything, and don’t you forget it. I also noticed you and that
gorgeous, new Chargers quarterback know each other very well.” She
smirks and then points to the TV behind me.
I see Nick holding a blurred out face of a little girl’s hand as they
walk out from the hotel lobby to the car. I know it’s Taylor he’s holding
hands with. Looks like that image is giving him a lot more popularity than
ever. Girls are swooning over the sight of him holding on to my niece and
protecting her like she is his own flesh and blood.
Even the woman sitting across from me is borderline about to
throw her panties at the screen. “I mean look at him. He’s carved from the
gods themselves. My goodness, I wish they looked like that in my day. I
would have hopped on that train in no time.” She sighs as she stares at
Nick, but it makes me laugh.
“Seems to me like he’s been making an effort to look nice since
he walked into this office. Care to shed some light on that fine topic?
Hmmm?” She raises her brows up and down with a look of delight on her
face that she’s finally cornered me with the question that looks like she’s
been dying to ask since he first walked into the office. “Mr. ‘I only trust
your hands.’ ” she smirks making me kick her under the table.
“We dated,” I simply say.
 “Pffft, I could have told you that.” She waves me off with a large
grin on her face.
“It’s complicated,” I say, not knowing where to start but also
knowing there isn’t enough time between now and when people start
arriving to work to tell her the story. “It’s a long and complicated story.” I
sigh while looking at him on the screen once again, holding my niece while
Chris and Danielle pack the trunk with the driver. I watch him smile at her.
There’s a lot of hype around these pictures at the moment.
It is a precious moment to see. I just wish I was there.
But I willingly denied myself that. I needed some space to get my
head around things and to breathe. I haven’t told anyone about the breakup
except for Candice. I know she won’t say a word, but I also want to ease
myself into it with my family and friends because they will have a lot of
questions. I also know they will be celebrating, and I’m not sure I’m ready
to celebrate the death of another relationship. I’m not quite ready for that
just yet.
“Have you heard anything from the Chargers’ recruitment agents
yet?” she asks, steering the topic away from Nick slightly.
“Nope, not yet. I don’t have my hopes high for that. If it comes
back positive, then so be it, but if it comes back negative, I won’t beat
myself up over it either. I did my best, but I don’t have the experience
behind me. I haven’t been in the industry long enough, so I’ll be surprised if
I do get it. I understand that I most likely won’t. As much as I would love
to, but I think there will be other opportunities down the line. Plus, I
interviewed for one, so they will keep me in mind for any further jobs they
may have.” I nod just as I start to hear the door bell jingle, telling the both
of us that someone has arrived in the office. So, it’ll just be normal chit-chat
from now on.
“Keep your head up. No news is good news, right?” She smiles
warmly at me.
“Yeah.” I sigh. Usually, when people don’t call you back instantly,
it means they didn’t love you. And I know my brother’s interruption didn’t
help the matter.
I pack everything away and make my way to my desk to have a
look at my schedule today. I turn on my screen and go straight to my
calendar. We look to be pretty booked for Monday, which only means one
thing; today will fly by.
And that’s exactly what happened.
Before I even had time to sit and think, I found myself listening to
the radio on my drive home, stuck in the usual traffic. I’m humming away
to Hotel California. My dad used to play this all the time when we were
younger, so we all know how the song went. It brings a memory back to me
when he’d put the three of us in the back seat of the rented car he got when
he’d go back to Mississippi for the summer to visit my grandparents. We
used to head to their home and go on the freeway down. My dad used to
have all the windows open when this song would come on as our hair flies
around. It always made me and my brothers laugh hysterically.
The thought of it still makes me laugh today.
It isn’t long until we start moving again. A long half an hour of
driving later, I finally reach my place.
I hop out as soon as I park the car and make my way inside my
home. With the clanging of the the keys echoing around me, I make my
way towards the kitchen to begin cooking dinner.
I pull out some of the leftovers that I made last week and shove it
into the microwave and stand there against the countertop and stare at my
feet in thought. Running thoughts are now plaguing my mind, jumping from
one thing to another. It’s overwhelming.
The beep from the microwave pulls me back to reality. A gentle
reminder to just breathe. I pull the food out to silence the device and place it
on a plate for myself.
I bring it over to dining table with a glass of water and sit myself
down to have my dinner.
Alone.
Again.
I switch on the TV to fill the silence, like always.
The one thing I find strange about a breakup is that you stop all
communication.
No texts. No calls. No dinners. No dates.
Nothing.
It’s strange. You’d think that I would be used to it by now.
 “Eli Becks has torn his ligament and is undergoing emergency
surgery at the moment due to the impact made by Averman on his last
touchdown. An investigation has been launched to see if it was an
intentionally delayed tackle by Averman in the game.” I turn my attention
to the TV. Averman? I haven’t heard that name since college.
“If we roll back the footage, you can see from this angle that it
doesn’t look like it. However, if you see it from the other side the camera
caught, it may have been just that. Averman denies the allegations made by
Coach Amberson.” I wouldn’t imagine that Ryan did do that on purpose
because he was losing. Yes, he’s a hothead, but he’s different on the field.
He’s respectful when it comes to football and never misses or jeopardizes a
chance to play for his team.
Coach Amberson is just full of ego. I’m surprised he hasn’t been
removed from his position. He’s been nothing but a nuisance for the game.
My dad and him do not get along, mainly because my dad has more titles
under his belt. It’s not a New York Giants thing, my dad had coached
different teams and brought them to a standard nobody in the game has
matched. It’s doesn’t matter what team he was on, he wanted to make them
the best. It always took time at the beginning, but he proved himself and
now he knows what works.
He’s a great coach and everyone knows it. Except for Amberson,
who has it out for him.
“It was clearly a delayed tackle; and an intentional one, might I
add. The proof is in the pudding. You can see it in the play clear as day. The
player should be suspended for it. This is the kind of thing that we don’t
tolerate in the NFL!” I could stifle an eye roll. This guy is the type to blame
everyone around him but himself and that he’s never wrong. I’ve had the
ungodly pleasure of meeting him and knowing him.
He’s a tyrant.
Knock knock knock.
I place my fork down on the plate and wipe my hands and mouth
with a tissue. I push myself out of my chair and walk towards the door to
see who is knocking. I hope it’s not someone trying to sell me something. I
hate being rude when they’re talking. One time, I stood there for thirty
minutes while a guy spoke about the word of Jesus. I wasn’t interested, but
I just couldn’t find the heart to tell him no thank you. He was just so
passionate, I felt bad.
As soon as I pull the door open, my jaw sinks to the floor. I stand
there in complete shock at the person standing out my door.
“Mr. Jackson,” I say finally after staring in shock at George
Jackson, Nick’s father, for what felt like an eternity. The man who I haven’t
seen in five years, who apparently meddled in my relationship with his son,
is standing outside my house. “Hi, is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry to drop by unexpectedly,
Carter. May I come in?” he asks, catching me completely off guard. Still, I
push my door open and offer him to come inside to get out of the LA heat.
He steps into my hallway as I shut the door behind him as an awkward
silence fills the room.
I hold out my hand in the direction of the living room. “Please.” I
point to him the direction to make himself comfortable. “Do you need a
water or something?” I ask him.
“Water would be great,” he thanks me.
I go and fetch him a bottle from my refrigerator. All the while,
I’m trying to understand why he’s here. I’m even struggling to twist the cap
off for him. My hands are shaking that badly.
“Don’t worry about that, I can do it. Thanks.” He makes me jump
as he stands between the threshold of the living room and kitchen.
“Oh, sure. Yeah, cool,” I stutter out nervously. The last time I saw
him, he made it very much known that he didn’t approve of me. Even five
years later, he makes me nervous around him. I wish Lynn was here to act
as the mediator.
“Um, can we sit?” He points to the sofa and takes the water into
his hand.
“Sure.” I nod and make my way into the other room with him
following behind. “I didn’t know you were in town,” I start the awkward
conversation that I know we’re about to have. I just don’t know if it’ll be a
fight of some sort, but judging by his calm demeanor, it may not go down
that way.
“It was a last minute thing, actually. I’ve never actually been here
before. It’s nice out here. I can see why he wanted to come.” He looks at me
and smiles, putting me a little at ease.
 “I’m sorry, I’m just a little confus—”
“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry for springing this on you tonight. You
must be tired from work, but Nick came home to Mississippi this weekend.
We talked . . . talked about, well, everything. We got things off our chest
about what had happened five years ago, and I think I owe it to you too. I
know you must be thinking it’s a little too late to come here and talk about
it, and you’re right, but I have always had the mentality of it’s better late
than never. And Nick kind of put it all into perspective—”
“Does he know you’re here?” I ask and interrupt him. He shakes
his head, which makes me sigh. I don’t know how he will take that
conversation.
“No, that’s my next stop. I thought I’d spend the night in Haley
and TJ’s but that’s all a surprise. I’m pretty sure they’re already on their
way home from the airport now. I know he’s staying with them, too, and
Lord knows they have enough room in the house. I’ve been hearing so
much about it from her.” He laughs and so do I.
“She’s proud of it,” I say.
“She definitely is, even if she didn’t pay for it,” I couldn’t hold
back a chuckle. Haley likes her house and is completely decorating it to her
taste, and she makes that no secret.
“Look, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here,” he
begins.
Uhhh, yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been wondering since I
answered the door.
“I know I’m a stubborn old man, but I came here to talk to you
about what happened and to give you the apology you deserve. I take full
responsibility for forcing Nick into breaking up with you all those years
ago. I knew that you meant a lot of each other, and I shouldn’t have
meddled in your relationship. It wasn’t my place to. I was just very worried
for him and his career. I didn’t think he’d make it, but I also thought as soon
as he got drafted that he’d get back with you. He likes to defy everything I
say and ask of him, so I didn’t think this request of mine would have been
an exception. But he told me that you refused to speak to him—”
“It was hard for me—it was the hardest breakup I’ve ever gone
through,” I confess, feeling my throat beginning to close up at the thought
of it—the thought of that day, that moment.
 It hurt because I loved him like crazy.
I still do, nothing has changed, but can I risk that heartache again?
“I know, I didn’t realize at the time how much you meant to him.”
I blink. My heart rips through my chest at the thought of Nick speaking to
his dad about me. “But I do realize now. You mean the world to him,
Carter.” I could feel the first tear roll down my face. I quickly wipe it away
to not make this any more awkward than it needs to be. I mentally tell
myself to pull it together.
“He said that?” I whisper in shock.
“Yeah, he did.” He rests both of his arms on in his bent knees and
loosely intertwines his fingers. “I came here tonight to apologize to you. I
know it’s been so long. I know you got hurt, and I am deeply, deeply sorry
for that. That’s all on me, not on him. If you’re going to punish someone—
and trust me, I wouldn’t blame you if you did—punish me, not him. I
threatened him to breakup with you, and if he didn’t do it, I would have.
I’m glad I didn’t, it would have made things a whole lot worse. A father
should never do that to their own kid. It took just one look at him for me to
realize that, but I shamefully did. I will never forgive myself for it.” He
nods with pressed lips. Shame is written on every inch of his face. You can
see that the years weren’t as kind to him as they were to his wife. His
features are a little more gaunt than I remember. I know it’s been five years,
but he never looked like that. However, you can also see the pride in his
eyes when he speaks about Nick. “So, the reason why I’m here is to say that
I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry. I should never have said anything. It wasn’t my
place.” He tilts his head a little to one side as he looks for a reaction from
me, like he knows how badly it affected us both.
Heartbreak is the worst, and nine times out of ten, you move on
and get over it.
But he was that one. He was my one out of ten.
“Thank you,” I softly respond. I feel my fingers begin to fidget
out of nervousness. “I really appreciate you coming and apologizing to me
—”
“I know,” he says.
“Know what?” I ask suspiciously of what he’s about to say next.
Is he a mind reader or do I have it written all over my face?
 “That it’ll take some time. I hope in time you will forgive me. I
know it’s fresh at the moment, and I respect that. I just wanted what was
best for Nick. He wasn’t thinking straight, and I thought I was. I broke you
both apart for the sake of my own selfish reasons. I, truly, am sorry that I
made him—I mean, threatened him—to end it with you. It’s been five years
since I had a conversation with him. That weekend changed my outlook on
those five years.
“I saw it from his eyes instead of through a father’s eyes who
wanted what was best for him. I thought I was doing the right thing by him
and his career, but I was only hurting him and you. I shouldn’t have gotten
involved or gotten in between you two. You mean a lot to my son.” I
wonder why he’s telling me all of this. It’s been five years.
I smile awkwardly as I stare at the older Nick look-alike. The
shallow skin with the crows feet surrounding his eyes move as he blinks
back at me.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why now?” I’m treading on
dangerous ground with that question. I know how bad this man’s temper
can get. I’ve seen what he’s like during Nick’s football games. I don’t want
it to flare up.
“It took a long time, I’ll admit that. Nick came home for the very
first time in five years. I never thought that it would happen, and neither did
Lynn for that matter, but seeing my wife so happy about him coming back, I
thought that it would be enough to just keep her smiling and happy. Then,
Nick made the first move to talk to me like the man we raised, but I was
stubborn; rude and full of my own shit. I’m not afraid to say that. I was
wrong, and it took one look in my son’s eyes when he spoke about you to
see that. I should have respected you and your relationship, end of story.
But I didn’t, so all I can ask is for forgiveness, from the both of you. In
time, I hope you will forgive me for my mistake, but don’t punish him for
it. I take full responsibility for the wrong decision he made. I know it might
seem stupid, but I was only looking out for him,” he confesses.
“I know you were, and thank you for coming here and saying that.
Yes, it will take me a bit of time to get my head around things, but we have
to start somewhere, right?” I nod, appreciating that it might not have been
easy to come here and tell me all of this.
 “Right. The story is not one of my finest moments.” He laughs. A
small smile graces my lips as I look down at my feet.
“There isn’t a single soul on this earth that is perfect, Mr.
Jackson.” That is not a lie or opinion. Imperfections are just as amazing;
people forget that.
“You are to Nick, Carter. Even with your imperfections, you
always will be to him,” he says with a tight smile. That’s a sentence that I
never thought I’d hear, especially from him. I shift in my seat as the TV
plays loudly in the background.
What he said gives me some food for thought.
He brings his attention to the fifty-two inch screen in front of him
and chuckles to himself “Still a fan, I see?” he asks me even though he
already knows the answer to that.
“I don’t have a choice, Mr. Jackson. It’s in my blood, and I
wouldn’t have it any other way.” I smile as we laugh between the two of us.
“I better leave. I’m sure I’ve taken enough of your time, and I’m
sure your dinner has gone cold—”
“Don’t worry about that, I’ll just stick it back in the microwave.” I
wave at the plate sitting on the table that I was once eating on.
He stands up to his full height. I look so petite next to him. Like
father, like son.
I feel a sense relief that I managed to have this conversation with
him. I feel better—much better—and it was something that I never knew I
needed.
Yes, I didn’t get my questions answered, but I’m tired of going
around in circles. I understand why he did what he did. Do I agree with it?
No. But I understand it.
“Thank you for hearing me out,” he continues. I nod and thank
him for stopping by, even if it’s on the other side of the country and a short
visit to my home.
I open the door for him to leave and get back into his car. The
unexpected visit went surprisingly well; better than our last meeting.
“Thanks for meeting with me, Mr. Jackson. I wish it was under
different circumstances, but I do appreciate you coming here tonight.” I
smile weakly, remembering the bad times between us.
 “Me too. And thank for not slamming the door in my face. I really
wouldn’t have blamed you if you did.” He steps outside with the sun just
about to set in the background behind him. He holds his hand open for me
to take, and I do. I shake his hand firmly, a mutual agreement for the two of
us to start fresh—a clean slate.
I smile up at the thin faced man, and he smiles down at me. He
removes his hand and turns to walk towards his car, only to stop after few
steps away from the door. He stares forward at the open air with his back to
me and takes a deep breath, his shoulders moving up and down to mimic
someone who is trying to shrug something imaginary off their back.
After that, he doesn’t hesitate to turn around but remains in his
spot. He’s nods to himself and looks to his side, hesitating on something
and contemplating on whether he should say it or not, over towards the sun
dipping behind the horizon, illuminating his face and highlighting the
depths under his cheekbones. The view looks like a live action painting of
the sun setting behind the horizon.
He cranes his neck back around to me as I wait for him to say
something. I can tell he has something on his mind. He licks his lips and
wipes the corners of his mouth with his thumb and index finger in thought.
An internal battle.
With one deep breath he looks at me once more. “I know you
don’t owe me anything, but can you do me a favor?” He nods, hoping that I
will too. I oblige and listen to him. “Keep an open mind, especially with
Nick,” he says before walking away. I didn’t even have a chance to respond
to his request. He walked away without even hearing one word leave my
mouth or turning back around, even as he slips into his car.
Nothing.
I stand there and watch him leave. I watch him drive away into
the night that had just fallen. I stand by the door, his words still ringing in
my ears.
Keep an open mind.
Especially with Nick.

* * *

Nick
 As I sit in the back seat of the car with my sister and TJ upfront,
we drive back down the streets of the neighborhood they’re in so we can get
home. Our flight had been delayed slightly, so it’s already night time as we
begin to make our way back home. The street lights shine as we pass them
by, one by one.
I flicker in and out of consciousness as the lights shine through
the windows on me with every second that passes. Haley took the reins in
driving home. She knows that we’re both tired from the game yesterday.
Our muscles ache along with our minds.
The mental game is what I find the hardest. It’s something that
I’ve worked hard on throughout the years. Now I find it hard to switch it
off, effectively making me exhausted from my own thoughts. The game is
hard, don’t get me wrong. If it were easy, anyone could do it.
The game’s not for everyone.
“We’re nearly there. I know you guys are hungry, so I’ll make
some food when we get in, okay?” Haley offers and we’re only too
delighted to accept. However, I know she’s tired too. That’s why TJ offers
his hand for her to take as she drives us back home. I’m thankful she’s
driving us and not me. I’m too drained.
“Thanks,” I hum as I lean my head back against the headrest and
shut my eyes for a few moments. A nice place to lay down on is what I’m
looking forward to. It’s just what the doctor ordered for me, and I’m not
about to refuse.
“What the hell?” Haley whispers, making my eyes dart open to
see what she’s looking at. I don’t see anything abnormal out the window.
“Who is that?” TJ leans forward, making me do the same and look
out the front window to join them in the guessing game.
I see a dark hunched figure sitting under the porch light. A
familiar frame to us all.
“Dad?” Haley asks us because he cannot hear a word we’re
saying. As the headlights beam right at him, he looks up and shields his
eyes from the bright light while he remains sitting on the porch alone.
“What the fuck?” I ask but rush out the door to see why he’s here.
So does Haley. She barely parked the car before she rushed out to
wrap her arms around our dad and greet him. “What the hell is he doing
here?” I ask myself but TJ answers.
 “No idea.” He clears his throat and follows after my sister to greet
our father and his future father-in-law. I shut the car door and make my way
towards them gathering around the front door of their house.
I’m dying to move out. As much as I appreciate them having me
in their home, I can’t wait to leave them alone. Too much kissing, too many
hugs, and too much noise that keeps me up at night. It’s not something an
older brother wants to hear, but I’ve had to bite my tongue and move on
from it.
I’ve been looking at properties with my agent but nothing has
jumped out at me. Nothing has been my style. I’ve been to a lot of homes
between Beverly Hills, the Valley, West Hollywood, Calabasas, and Bel Air.
Bel Air is the place I’m looking at the most due to it’s exclusivity and
privacy. I need that. I like my down time without the paparazzi around to
follow my every movement.
I don’t thrive on being famous, it’s part and parcel with my job,
but I just don’t care. I’m flattered by the fans, but I don’t thrive on their
attention. I stop and appreciate their support every time I see them or they
recognize me, or I carry on about my day if they don’t.
I didn’t wish for this part of my life, but I knew it came with the
job of being a professional football player. Some guys like it and others
don’t.
As I walk towards my dad, I watch Haley eye the two of us. She
and TJ don’t know that I went home for the two days before the game. They
thought I was training in Arizona. I didn’t tell them anything. It was their
assumption.
They don’t know that we finally had the chance to talk about what
happened. Although I forgave him, time has to do its thing to heal us and
our relationship. There is no quick fix to it and we both know it.
I stand tall and stare at my dad knowing both Haley and TJ are
tense, not knowing what is about to transpire. I grin internally. I’m just
messing with them. It’s only my dad’s smile that gave it away.
They still look confused; Haley in particular. I think more in the
way that it is the last thing she could think of. She thought it was never a
possibility that we could patch things up between us.
Treading lightly, she steps back at a little. I smile at her and so
does my dad.
 “No way!” she whispers. I could see her eyes beginning to well up
and I roll my eyes. “You guys are okay now?” she asks.
“We’re getting there, sweetheart.” My dad reaches for her because
she looks like she’s going to faint. “Now, come on, it may be night time but
I’m still sweating. How ’bout y’all show me ’round your house. I haven’t
been here before. I’ve just gone off the pictures you sent me.” He takes his
daughter under his arm and guides her towards the door, but she keeps
looking over her shoulder and back at me, like it all hasn’t sunken in for her
just yet.
I’ll give her some time to digest it.
We all make our way in. TJ hangs back to lock up the car and get
his and Haley’s things. She’s too preoccupied with showing our dad around
the new house. He has only seen the house through pictures, and Haley is in
the middle of redecorating it right now, so she talks him through her ideas.
Also, my dad does a good job of steering her nosy questions that
she likes to ask away from us.
TJ enters into the foyer and dramatically kicks Haley’s cases,
making one case wheel itself to the wall while the other topples over. He
looks at me and mouths “I don’t give a shit” and shrugs his shoulder.
“TJ!” Haley yells from another room and he rushes to pick it up in
an instant.
“Still don’t give a shit?” I tease him as he flips me the bird.
“Put that finger down!” Haley warns again as she enters into the
foyer with my dad following behind her. He’s looking up at the ceilings and
around the open space.
“Nothing that I’m not used to.” My dad chuckles with his hands
on his hips. He’s dressed in khaki-green shorts and a collared grey t-shirt.
“Your home is lovely, I’m sure it’ll turn out great based on what you told
me, Haley.” He kisses her head.
There is an air of awkwardness between the four of us. All three
of us are thinking the same thing.
Why is he here?
And judging by the look on my sister’s face, she looks like she’s
going to cave in and ask that exact question. And also judging by the smirk
on my dad’s face, he knows his daughters is going to do it.
 “So, what brings you to LA, Dad?” I laugh under my breath but
then get a harsh glare from her.
“Just a quick visit to see you guys.” He’s quick on the response
for my sister, but I know it’s not the whole truth. Partial, but definitely not
the full truth.
“Well, I think we should order some food instead. Are you
hungry?” Haley asks him and begins to fish out her phone from her bag to
start ordering some things for us to eat.
“Yeah,” we all respond. Haley handles the food while I walk into
the kitchen for a fresh and cold water. My dad and TJ follow behind me,
and I pass them each a bottle as we gather around the kitchen island in the
center.
“So, why are you really here?” I get down to the real reason.
“Not beating around the bush, huh?” My dad chuckles as he takes
a sip of the water. I wait for him to finish his drink and continue with what
he’s going to say. He looks right at me and takes a deep breath. “When we
were at the football field this weekend, talking about things, you told me
that you were not the only one I should be apologizing to.” My heart drops
into my stomach at the thought.
“How?” I ask in bewilderment.
“Your mom. She told me where she lived—”
“I know your intentions were right, but do you think that going to
her home was the right thing to do?” I ask harshly, a little on the edge. Hell,
I haven’t even seen her home.
“When you put it like that, it sounds bad, but she was kind enough
to give me the time, Nick. There was no yelling, screaming, or fighting of
any kind. I apologized and I’ll be grateful for her to accept it, but I know
it’ll take time, like us. I told her I was sorry and left it at that.” he nods.
“You spoke to Carter?” Haley overhears the conversation between
us.
“Yeah.” He nods slowly again, this time with a tiredness in his
speech. Even though you’re not doing much when flying from one place to
another, it does take a lot out of you.
“Why?” she asks.
“It’s nothing for you to be—”
 “She’s my best friend, Dad,” Haley states firmly. Haley has
always been the girl to back her friends ’til the end.
“I know she is, I just went over to apologize to her. That’s all,” he
defends himself with his hands up in surrender. He sighs at her angry face.
“I swear, ask her for yourself if you don’t believe me,” he finishes. I take
the initiative to do just that, not because I don’t believe him, I just need to
know she’s okay. Even if my dad said she was kind and gracious to allow
him in and her time, she’s sensitive.
I excuse myself from their company.
I press call and wait for her to pick up.
“Nick?” she answers.
“Hi.” I exhale deeply after hearing her sweet voice again on the
phone.
My heart stops.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Nothing Definitive

Nick
I haven’t stopped thinking about her.
This radio silence is driving me nuts. I’ve been interrogating my
dad ever since he arrived and dropped the bombshell that he paid her a visit
that I didn’t know about. My heart sunk into my chest, but when he dived
into the details, my heart was beginning to slow down and get back to
normal.
As much as I appreciate him coming all this way to apologize to
her, I’m still protective over her. I’m worried.
Why is she so quiet?
What is going on in that mind of hers?
She hasn’t said a word to the girls, either, which is very unlike
her. The girls usually get it out of her one way or another. Nobody has heard
from her, and I don’t know what to do. Seeing her and hearing from her has
given me hope, but when I’m not able to, it sends me right back to the start
of the five years of being apart.
I can’t let that happen. Even if it’s just friends, I’ll have to bite my
tongue being around him and seeing them together, but getting to see her
will make my day.
It’s been weeks, and I’m feeling every bit confused. Something
must have happened for her to just shut herself away from people.
I have been calling and calling my dad since his return home. He’s
back in Mississippi, but I have been asking him over and over what he said,
how did he say it, how did she take it, and if he’s sure he said it like that.
I’ve been going through all the possibilities of how much he’s offended her
and have come up with nothing.
 Just when I think I understand her, I fall right back to the
beginning. I have to start again.

* * *

Carter
It was the sound of someone knocking vigorously on my front
door that did it for me.
I grunt with my eyes closed as I roll over on my side to peek out
of my window so I could see if I recognized any cars outside. The bright
light blinds me as I open it a little. I can see one gleaming white Audi that I
recognize from a mile away.
“Shit.” I sigh and reach for my water bottle to cure my thirst.
The banging continues, and this time, it’s not the people who live
next door to me doing their nightly activities they very much love to do on a
regular basis.
I have been keeping to the same routine and to myself these past
days. Go to work and come home. That’s it. I haven’t been speaking to
anyone or seeing other people.
I’ve been trying to figure out my own thoughts and other people’s
words. I’ve been trying to find my balance, figure out where I fit and where
I belong in this world.
I have been weighing it all out.
The pros. The cons.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The hits. The misses.
You get the picture.
I’ve been frustrated with myself. One minute, I’m ready; then the
next, I’m not.
I swing from left to right, and I don’t know what I want anymore.
I’m confused, frustrated, and tired.
I’m exhausted, and I haven’t been doing my usual things. I’ve
stopped.
Maybe I’m overthinking it?
 “I know you’re in there!” Haley yells as I slide myself back into
bed and cover myself with the sheets, sinking deep into the mattress
designed just for me. I am very particular with my mattresses.
I ignore them in the hopes of them going away.
“Carter?” I now hear Danielle call out for me. “Carter, come on.
Open up, we know you’re in there. We can see your car parked outside.”
She has a point, I have been running from everyone when it’s me that needs
to sort it out. Then again, who’s to say that I’m in my home? I could be out
for a walk in the park just down the street from here. But they also might
have already checked there before coming over. I don’t do it on purpose, I
blank everyone off so I can regroup. It’s one of my many flaws, but it has
served me well.
None of them know that I ended things with Ted. I didn’t have the
courage to tell anyone. It’s been some time. It’s not that I’m ashamed or
embarrassed to tell them. Hell, I’ve been dumped more times than I can
count. It’s the fact that I know some people, namely Haley, didn’t like Ted,
so they will whip out a mariachi band when I can’t find the energy or
delight to celebrate. I know I will feel better after this, but there’s something
that has been weighing on my mind since breaking it off with Ted which
has put a stop for me to move.
I just don’t know what I want. I need more clarity.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
I roll my eyes at their persistence. I flip back the sheets from my
upper body and reach for my phone to see Danielle calling me.
I sigh and swipe to answer her.
“Hello?” I answer in a disgruntled tone while I’m still in my bed.
“Please! Just answer the door!” Danielle begs.
“Bitch, open up! We’re not leaving until you do!” Haley yells
down the line, making me smile a little at her determination. She’s always
been the pushy one. While Danielle can be pushy, she knows her limits; the
sky is the limit with her, but I guess I’ve managed to reach that limit.
Haley’s always been such a good friend to me and Danielle. She
will back you up until the day she dies. She doesn’t even need the full story,
she’ll still be there for you.
If only they knew.
“I’m sleeping,” I say and roll over to my side.
 “If you were sleeping, you wouldn’t have answered or be
speaking to us right now. Carter, come on. We brought food.” The mention
of food starts making me weigh up the pros and cons of letting them in.
And as much as I love them, I’m leaning towards “no.” Then I
remind myself how much of an earful I’ll hear for the entire day of I don’t.
So, I quickly decide against my initial thought.
“Fine.” I finally give in. I hang up to go and let them in. I pull
some shorts on and tie my hair up in a bun as I make my way towards the
front door of my home. I unlock the door, only for it to burst open. I see a
pissed off Haley morph quickly into a confused Haley. As for Danielle, she
keeps a neutral expression while on the phone with someone else.
“Yeah, she finally let us in. I got this, don’t worry,” she says to my
brother, obviously. If it’s not him, we have a problem. “I love you, talk
soon.” She hangs up and puts her phone into her purse.
“Carter, I say this with love and with good intentions, you need to
shower.” Haley walks past me and towards the windows to open up my
blinds, allowing the light come in. I sniff my shirt to see if she’s right.
Okay, maybe I do smell a little bad, but she’s also being super
dramatic, I think to myself.
“I’ll go have one now,” I say as I close the door after they step
inside.
“We’ll take care of everything else. You just have a nice, hot
shower and we’ll get going.” Danielle shoos me into the bathroom where
my shower is and tells me everything is taken care of.
“I thought you said you had food?” I question them as I’m being
pushed into my bathroom.
“Yeah, it’s in the car. You can eat and sit in the car when we’re on
our way.” Haley waves it off as she continues to let the light into my home.
“What are you, Dracula?” she mutters.
“Wait, where are we going?” I ask and Danielle throws a towel at
me from the cupboard, ignoring my question. “Danielle, where are you
taking me?” I ask again.
She stands at the door and says, “Shower.” She closes it and
leaves me standing there in utter confusion. “I don’t hear the shower
running!” she sings through the door like she would to her own child. I
reach my hand in and let the water fall.
 I wait for it to heat up a little before I get in. I strip off my clothes
and kick them into the laundry basket as they clearly need a wash. I release
my hair from the bun I put on and throw the scrunchy on the shelf
underneath the mirror. As soon as I feel the room heating up, I know it’s
time for me to get in.
I start to rinse my hair and gather it under the water, allowing it to
soak. I place some shampoo into my hand and feel it lather my head as I
gently massage it into my scalp for a bit of TLC.
I sigh deeply as I feel the hot water run down my body, soothing it
as time goes on.
Then, Haley pounds on the door and threatens me that she’ll turn
the cold faucet in the kitchen on if I don’t hurry up and get going. So, I rush
my shower and got out quickly, got dressed, and meet the two girls in the
kitchen where I could see they were spraying air freshener around the room.
“Okay, I’m ready,” I say with damp hair. They rushed me, so I I
didn’t have the time to dry it. Either way, the heat outside will do the
honors.
“Normally, I would tell you to go back inside to dry your hair, but
you have the most perfect waves when you don’t do it, so it’ll go great with
where we’re going and what you’re wearing.” Haley eyeballs me to see if
she approves. “The outfit is fine. We don’t have time to go and change, so
come on. Let’s go.” She takes a hold of my hand and drags me towards the
door.
“But where are we going?” I ask as I grab my purse and keys as
I’m being dragged from one end to the other without stopping.
“It’s a surprise. It’s a girls’ day out, so all you need to do is to
relax and enjoy yourself.” Haley winks as I watch Danielle shut the front
door behind her and lock it with my keys that I threw to her.
“Fine.” I grunt once more before I’m thrown into the backseat
where the food rests opposite to me. The entire car smells of Chick-fil-A,
just what I like.
I check inside and see a grilled chicken sandwich with a side of
waffle fries, ketchup, and—of course—my favorite lemonade. They know
my order.
“Are you still hangry or are you feeling better?” Danielle asks me,
twisting around in her seat to face me as we stuff our faces with the food
they had ordered that’s, miraculously, still hot enough to eat. I nod in
response; I’m still stuffing my mouth with the food, not able to speak a
sentence. I’ve been eating a balanced meal for a while now, so it’s good to
have a cheat meal every once in a while to keep you sane. Plus, prior to the
breakup, I was sick to my stomach about having to talk to Ted, so I didn’t
eat much. Then the few days after, I was the same thinking it would be all
over with once I did the deed.
It took time to readjust, and it still is taking some time, but I am
over it.
As we drive to where we are going, which is somewhere only they
know, I wonder why it’s such a big secret or why they can’t tell me.
When we park near our destination, I still don’t recognize where
we are. I step out of the car due to the colors and beauty of my
surroundings. A gorgeous pink cherry blossom tree sways in the wind with
the peak of blue ocean water behind it that meets the sky in the middle.
It’s truly stunning.
“You like it?” Danielle shut the door and smiles over the top of
the car at me.
“Yeah.” I sigh after exhaling a deep breath I didn’t know I was
holding.
“Come on.” Haley shuts the trunk of the car, bringing two bags in
either hand. “You haven’t seen the best part yet.” She grins. I close the door
and send Danielle a look, only for her to give nothing away. It looks like the
girls packed a bag for me while I was in the shower.
As the three of us walk down towards the shoreline, we come into
contact with a few people walking up and down the strip of quaint shops
aligned to one side.
A mixture of holistic shops and boho-chic boutiques occupies the
strip.
“Okay, so here we are,” Haley says as she climbs up the decking
that leads onto a yacht.
A bright white big shiny yacht.
“Wait, what?” I point at the sparklingly clean motorized vehicle
that is rocking back and forth on the water.
“Come on!” Danielle pushes me in the direction Haley walked in
to get onto the yacht. The staff are all lined up uniformly. One man reaches
over to take Haley’s bags from her hands and to allow her to safely get on
the yacht.
“It’s fucking huge!” I squirm at the sight. “Did you buy it?” I ask
her; I can’t take my eyes off of it.
“Nope. TJ rented it for the day, so I thought it would be a good
day out for us. You know, catch up on the tan, relax, and have some girl
time,” she says. She smiles and thanks the man who helped her. “So, come
on! Get your ass on this yacht, Steel!” she jokingly shouts to me as I
nervously make my way toward the walkway that thankfully has railings on
either side so I can hold on for dear life.
Me and water have this hate-hate relationship. I don’t like
swimming and everyone knows that. I haven’t changed.
But once I’m on the yacht, I should be fine. Although, once I stay
on it, I need about ten life jackets wrapped around me.
The same guy helps me on, but I’m just a little less graceful than
Haley. I grip on to his arm a little more than I should, but I just don’t want
to fall in. I borderline give him a Chinese burn because of my nervous
nature when it comes to the water.
“Sorry,” I apologize to him, only for him to laugh and tell me it’s
no problem. Like Haley, Danielle gets on the yacht and sets herself down
without any help. It’s not their first rodeo. It’s not mine, either, but I just
hate the water.
I like the shallow end, where I can stand up and remain in control.
Once we are all on, we change into our swimsuits so we can relax
in the sun for the day. This is something I never knew I needed. I was happy
to sit alone in my home for the next few weeks, but I knew it wouldn’t be
good for me in the long run. I have to face people—I have to face my
family, my friends, and Nick. My brother plays on the same team as him,
how can I not see him?
The talk I had with Mr. Jackson keeps playing in my mind, over
and over, and I cannot stop thinking about it.
Keep an open mind.
Everything he said shocked me to my core. It wasn’t a visit I
thought I would ever get, especially not from him of all people.
But I couldn’t get over the look of sorrow in his eyes. A plea for
forgiveness that I knew he needed. It was a long time coming. I knew I
would forgive him in the end, I just needed clarity—the release and
understanding.
It took five years, I know, but he finally made the effort; that’s
what matters most to me. I don’t agree with what he did, but he learned
from his mistake and made the effort to correct it. Time is going by, and
fast. I refuse to hold anymore grudges; they’ll eat me alive. I cannot carry
the burden any longer. It’s too much, and the weight is too great.
It’s time to move on and move upwards.
Let go and be free.
We gather at the bow of the yacht and sit on the beds they had
prepared for us just as the engine revs a little. The yacht begins to move
from the dock. I have never been on such a luxurious yacht in my life. It’s
beautiful. I know TJ’s wallet is going to hurt after this treat he gave us.
Haley lays back and sighs in content. She is living the life she
always wanted—a life of luxury. To be fair to her, she stayed in college and
got her degree in business management. Has she used it? Not a single ounce
of it.
I join her and lay back on the warm sun bed, kicking off my
sandals and tucking them underneath the bed at the end so they are out of
the sun. Danielle saunters out with a board full of food, except this time, it’s
filled with food fancier than normal; prawns, skewers, caviar, bread sticks,
cheese, grapes, and some hummus. There are some fine delicacies on the
wooden board. I’m full from the lunch in the car, but I will no doubt be
picking some for myself soon enough.
Fast food only fills me for a certain period of time, then I get
hungry again. I pride myself on eating so well these days. Candice and I
push each other to stay fit and healthy, so we tend to stay away from the
greasy stuff and go straight for the nutritious stuff, but there are the odd
days where we need to let loose and treat ourselves. We don’t do it often,
even if we want to.
“So . . .” Haley sits up and lets her sunglasses slide down the
bridge of her nose so she can look at me. Me and Danielle look at her
expectantly, waiting for her to say something. “I wanted to ask you both
something,” she starts.
I’m grateful they haven’t bothered me about why I’ve locked
myself away from everyone, even though I know Haley is usually straight
to the point, she’s being respectful. However, I am also not stupid enough to
realize that they know.
I know Haley’s dad stayed with her. He most likely spoke to the
three of them about what me and her dad talked about. Then of course, with
her big mouth, she obviously told Danielle, who then told my brother, who
then told the rest of my family.
The texts and phone calls suddenly stopped at the same time. I
know they want to hear more, but they also know how I’m like. I will talk
about it in my own time, not theirs. Between the breakup and the visit from
Mr. Jackson, I need the time off, but they only know half of the story.
Danielle nods for her to continue while she eats her cheese and
grapes.
“We’ve set the date,” she says. We both smile back at Haley, who
looks so excited to talk about her wedding. “We’re going to do it next
summer, back in Mississippi. I was going back and forth between here and
there, but I’ve decided that I want to do it back home.” She shrugs her
shoulder, acting like it’s not a big deal, but we all know it is to her. “Well,
TJ really wanted to go back there, so were doing it in our local church. Plus,
we have a really great place for the reception. We both want to stick to
traditional marriage.” I can see how much she truly loves TJ. Nothing has
changed the way she feels about him.
“That’s amazing!” Danielle reaches across and squeezes her hand.
“So, will you both be my bridesmaids?” she asks us. “I’ve asked
my cousin Taylor to be my Maid of Honour and Ellie to be a bridesmaid
too.” She clasps her hands tighter, hoping that we say yes.
We both look at one another, I know Danielle is going to play this
a little and so will I.
“Oh I don’t know Haley, I don’t know if I have the time. You
know with Taylor—” Danielle begins.
“And me with work, I don’t know if well be able to come—” I
add before being interrupted.
“Bitches, shut the fuck up! Y’all are going, so don’t make me
drag you down there! And you will both be my bridesmaids and like it. I
will put you in ugly dresses if you refuse, don’t test me.” She waves us off
as we all begin to laugh loudly at how well we know each other. We knew
she wouldn’t buy it with us. It still didn’t hurt to play with her a little.
 “Fine, if we must!” Danielle sighs dramatically beside me as she
lays herself back to lounge glamorously in the sunshine. Nothing beats the
hot sun beaming down on you.
The yacht continues to sail out to sea. The calm blue ocean
surrounds us. A slight breeze washes over us as we relax together, talking
nonsense, and spending some much needed time together. Much of it is my
fault for being locked up away in my home.
It was my choice. I wanted some time away from people and
remain with my thoughts. Even though I have no real clarity on what I
want, I know that this is the first step to finding out. My grandma used to
say that if you can’t make a definitive decision on something, start with the
pros and cons, which is what I did.
I made a list of each and redid it over and over. Still nothing
definitive.
“So,” Danielle starts and I know that this isn’t another wedding
conversation, “how have you been? We haven’t seen you in a while.” She
gently grazes my arm to tell me she’s speaking to me, but I already knew
she was without even so much as a glimpse at her.
“Yeah, I’ve been fine,” I say, rolling my shoulders so they press
deeper into the bed to find the sweet spot of comfort.
“Yeah?” she asks, hoping I’d elaborate more.
“Yeah, I’ve been just quite busy with work and covering for some
people. I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now,” I tell a straight-faced lie
to my friends.
If there is one thing about lying and me, the lies eat away until I
confess. I soon realize there isn’t any point, but Danielle gets there before I
did.
“How’s Ted?” she asks. I stare up the the bright blue sky with a
small amount of clouds floating by.
This needs to be said. It’s best coming from me.
“I wouldn’t know,” I say as I sit up and face her. She tilts her head
to the side and shields her face from the hot sun with her hand to see me
better.
“Why? Did you have another fight?” she asks unknowingly. I peer
out at the horizon, trying to look anywhere but them. I know that they aren’t
judging me but I just feel shitty about how it transpired. I thought it would
have been mutual, yet he dropped the fact he had a ring for me. It was
messy, to say the least.
“No, we broke up.” I see Haley’s body lurch forward in surprise
and concern.
“What?” she whispers. I know she never really liked him, and the
feeling was very much mutual to him too, but I do appreciate her concern.
“Yeah, I ended it with him. About two weeks ago,” I confess.
“It all makes sense.” Haley nods. “You hid yourself away again
because you ended it. You don’t have to feel ashamed, Carter. He’s the one
who should be. He didn’t treat you—”
“Haley.” Danielle shakes her head, urging her to not to go there.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” She reaches for a hug and
I accept. She isn’t wrong. I was too accepting of his behavior. I should have
stood up for myself more. I have to confess, I took my anger that I had for
Nick out on Ted when he first came to LA, but it only solidified the fact that
there was a problem between us. I just chose to ignore it in the hopes that he
would change, but a man won’t change unless he’s wants to.
“I feel fine about the breakup. I really do,” I say as we move
away. I face both girls and cross my legs so we can have this conversation.
It’s been two weeks, and I know they’re dying to find out what happened. “I
just—I just find it strange that I don’t have someone, you know? To, like,
call, message, or go to dinner with. I think I just got used to being in a
relationship and got comfortable. It’s just weird for me. That’s all. I have to
find my new normal and get used to it. I went from talking almost every
day to nothing. It’s an adjustment that I’m forced to make.” I stare at the
peace and tranquillity the ocean is gifting to us today. It’s so calm. There is
no other place I’d rather be than here at this moment, even when I initially
thought it was at the comfort of my bed
“Why didn’t you tell us? We would have been there for you.”
Danielle rests a supportive hand on my exposed thigh.
“I know you both would have, that wasn’t the point. I just—” I
take a deep breath and release it soon after to take some time to gather my
own racing thoughts. “I just wanted to be alone for a while. It was my
choice to do it. I just wanted to think and have my space.” As we sit on the
yacht, we rock slightly from side to side together in harmony. “I needed the
time to refocus and gather myself together. I didn’t do it because I didn’t
want to talk to you guys;. I did it for me.” Talking to them feels easier once
I have my mind back and I know just what to say instead of having random
words come out of my mouth and hoping it makes sense. I had been in a lot
of turmoil that I never knew I was in with Ted. I was on edge, but as soon as
I left his house, I felt it dissipate. I didn’t know I was holding on to a feeling
of uncertainty until we had ended things.
“I’m sorry, Carter.” Danielle reaches in for a hug to which I
accept.
“Yeah, so am I.” Haley joins us in a three way hug. “I’m glad you
took some time for yourself, ” she whispers. Due to the duration I had to fix
myself and find my mojo, I feel fine talking about it. Honestly, I came to
the resolution and acceptance before I went to end it, so the aftermath
wasn’t like it had been before with other guys. This time, it was me. I felt in
control of my reaction and emotions. I gave myself the day to mourn when
usually it takes longer to get back to normal. Although, I still had to work
on treating myself without any outside opinions. I took the time to allow
myself to move on and be able to say this today. It gave me the strength that
I have, and I’m not ashamed to say it.
“So am I. I needed it, and I feel a little better for doing it,” I say
with a smile. We sit back on our beds. Haley removes her sunglasses and
watches me. I wait for her to speak and so does Danielle, but she says
nothing.
“What?” she asks.
“Your face says you want to say something.” Danielle points at
her with a smirk.
“Just say it.” I laugh, repeating Ted’s words from that day.
“What? I don’t know what you are talking about.” She flips her
hair and looks back at the ocean we were once admiring.
“Okay then.” I smile and lay back down, but Danielle and I
continue to watch her and wait for her to cave. I know she wants to say it.
Feeling our eyes on her, she peers back around at us. She’s trying
to suppress a smile on her face, but she’s so terrible at it that she grins
widely. “I’m so glad you dumped that asshole!” She leaps up and starts
dancing on her own.
“And there we have it, ladies and gentleman!” Danielle laughs
along with me as we watch the bride-to-be dance with pride.
 “Champagne!” Haley calls for a staff member to fetch us some
drinks. I roll my eyes at her antics, I knew she’d be like this. “This calls for
a fucking celebration, ladies!” We both roll our eyes as she runs after the
staff getting us the bottle. “I want your best one!” she yells after him.
We’re met with another round of silence. Another hand rests on
my leg. It makes me look at my best friend.
“You knew that was coming.” She giggles and then stops.
“We both did.” I nod, grinning back at her and fixing my hair that
fell across my face due to the breeze.
“How are you, though?” she asks. “Like, how are you really
doing?”
I sigh to myself and the journey that I’ve had. “I knew I had to do
it. I didn’t want to, but I knew I had to. I didn’t want to hurt him either, but I
knew I did. It wasn’t as smooth as I thought it would be. He wasn’t happy,
but I felt better leaving his house after I broke it off,” I reassure her. “It’ll
take time, but I’m getting there.” I nod just as we hear rushed footsteps
coming back out. Haley bounces back on top of the bed in her orange bikini
in excitement as the waiter brings out a bottle of champagne on ice and
three flutes a few seconds after her return.
We were each handed a crystal flute before the bottle was popped
open. We poured a generous amount into each of our glasses.
“Cheers to us!” Haley says and we all clink out glasses before
taking a sip of the nice, bubbly beverage.
A few hours into the day trip, the two girls had jumped off the
side of the yacht and into the water while I watch from the side, knowing I
wouldn’t be comfortable getting into the water. Each having their hair wet,
we were in high spirits due to the champagne we were drinking.
“I don’t know how I’m going to drive us back!” Haley laughs as
she chugs the rest of the champagne in her flute back into her mouth.
“Um, you are not driving us back, no fucking way. Your driving
skills are bad without the alcohol and it’ll be way worse with it. I’ll call an
Uber to get us home. You can collect your car in the morning instead.
That’s much safer than you driving!” Danielle warns her only for Haley to
pout.
“My driving isn’t bad!” she scoffs playfully.
 “Uh, yes it is!” Danielle and I say in unison, making the three of
us drunkenly laugh together like we did at parties in college when we all
went to them.
We never left each other’s side, we always shared everything.
After our first year, we moved into a small home just outside of the college
campus and we lived there for the next year. Danielle left us to be with
Chris and to give birth to Taylor, but Haley and I stayed in the house. She
came to visit us every so often with my brother and niece. We have been
close ever since we met back in freshman year of college. Joined at the hip
even when Danielle moved away. Nothing got in between us.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, bitch.” Haley sticks her tongue out
playfully, making Danielle throw a grape at her.
“Your entrées.” We were greeted at the table with delicious
appetizers that had been especially made for us. A shared platter of Italian
delicacies ranging from olives, bruschetta, a caprese salad, and some crabs
cooked in garlic butter.
Our eyes widen in delight at the carefully made food just for us
tonight. The mains were even better, and don’t get me started on the dessert.
I now found myself waddling on deck as we move from the dinner table to
the back of the yacht to continue our conversation and drinking for the
night. We were given blankets to keep each other warm as night begins to
fall while we were out on the open water.
A sigh of content echoes around the water from the three of us.
The day couldn’t have went any better. No guys, no kids, and no bothers.
Except for one. It’s the one that keeps niggling in the back of my
mind, wanting to make it to the front. The same old thought.
“What’s on your mind?” Danielle asks while fixing the super soft
blanket they had given us around her body until she settles down.
I lay my head back and look heavenwards at the beautiful, shining
stars above us. The moon brighter than any light around us.
“Nothing,” I lie, not wanting to talk about it, or him.
“Bullshit.” Haley snorts, knowing me all too well.
“What’s on your minds then, huh?” I tease them and take the
limelight off me for now.
“I think you could both guess.” Haley smiles.
“TJ,” Danielle and I say simultaneously.
 “Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!” Haley jokes, holding up
her glass in the air.
“You missing him?” I ask her.
“Yeah, I always miss him when I’m not with him.” She shrugs.
That’s something that we already know. She and TJ are inseparable and
always have been since they started dating. “How about you guys?” she
asks us both.
“Meh, Chris can wait.” Danielle chuckles into her glass. I know
she adores my brother, and he feels the same with her, but they always
make a joke about it. They like to keep things light in their relationship.
“The only thing I’m missing right now this wine I’m drinking,” she jokes to
the waiter coming over to fill up her glass. “It’s been a while since I’ve had
one, you know? Thank you.” She smiles at the young waiter who finishes
topping up her glass. “Having Taylor kind of cut all of that out for the first
few years. Now, I’m starting to get back into it. I usually don’t drink when
I’m home in case she gets sick or something and I have to bring her
somewhere. I know Chris doesn’t drink during the season, but I take care of
her during the days and sometimes nights when we’re not with him during
away games. I need to be sober to look after my child, you know?” She sits
back once more to get comfortable.
“That makes sense.” I nod. She’s a great mom to Taylor, and Chris
is a great dad to her too. It was rocky at first but they both got there in the
end.
“How about you?” Haley asks me.
“I don’t have anyone to miss, remember?” I state the obvious.
“I know, but you can miss other people too,” she hints. I stare at
her with knowing eyes as she swirls the wine in her glass, avoiding eye
contact altogether. I don’t reply. “Wait until I tell TJ and Nick—”
“No, Haley, you can’t tell them. You can’t tell Chris either
Danielle.” I stop her.
“What? Why? You don’t owe him anything, Carter,” Haley says a
little too harshly for my liking.
“I know I don’t, I didn’t say I did. I just want to figure things out
first, so just don’t tell anyone. I will in my time,” I ask this small thing from
them.
 Haley looks like she was going to object but Danielle got there
first. “Fine, we will,” Danielle agrees with me but sends Haley a pointed
look to warn her to just do as I say.
“Fine.” Haley grunts before taking another sip of her wine.
Another bit of silence cloaks over us as night falls.
I had a great day on the yacht. I appreciate what they did for me,
coming to my house and dragging me out of bed then bringing me here for
the day. Getting to spend some quality time with them has brought me out
of the funk I was in. Time to get back on track now. Time to focus on the
present and not the past. Time to create those memories and time to live my
life like I’ve always wanted. It’s time to be Carter fucking Steel once again.
“Are you still in love with him?” Haley asks, snapping me out of
my thoughts.
“Haley, she broke up with him,” Danielle says incredulously back
at our friend. “You can’t ask her that,” Danielle says in a sharp tone. Haley
has always been bold, she’s never one to shy away from her feelings or
what’s on her mind. She always says whatever she feels like, it can be a
blessing and curse with her.
“I didn’t mean Ted,” she responds to Danielle softly, keeping her
eyes on me. I stare at her green eyes, just like her older brother’s, knowing
that she’s talking about him. With how she asked the question, I knew she
wasn’t speaking about Ted. It was too soft to be. She was almost hopeful
towards the end of the question, like she was wishing I’d say yes.
I adjust myself so I turn myself away from them. I rest my arm on
the back of the seat, bending my elbow and laying my chin on top of my
arm to peer out at the light reflecting the movement of the peaks and
troughs of the waves that hit beneath us.
The beam of the crescent moon creates a luminescent glow
reflecting the surface of the turbulent water, the small spatter of the water
hitting against the side of the yacht with minor splashes occurring against
the giant gleaming white boat we are on. I hear a small hiss after the wave
hits as the water crashes backwards, making the sea foam we all know.
A calmness allows me to think more about the main question I
keep asking myself over and over. There’s no doubt that I still love Nick.
My question is, is it all worth the fight? Can I put myself out there again
and take the chance that we can do it again? Can my heart do that once
more, or has it had enough? That is the question I can’t seem to answer.
“Do you?” she repeats herself, this time with no objection from
Danielle.
I shut my eyes, feeling this moment of clarity in my mind. The
only clarity I’ve had since seeing him again.
And when I do, close my eyes; I can see him.
“Yeah. I do still love him,” I finally say. “I never stopped.”

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FIFTY
This House Has a Thousand Stories

Nick
I finally got myself a new car. I have been waiting for it for a few
weeks, and I finally have it; a crisp matte-black Mercedes G wagon. I’ve
been waiting so long to get this car. I decided to wait until I got my contract
with the Chargers to treat myself . . . and the bills. Hard work is finally
paying off.
Now, I just have to decide on a home.
I’m finding it hard to find the right one. I have been everywhere
in LA trying to find one, and I keep coming up short. One after another,
none of them are to my taste. No light drenched home with the perfect
scenery. No cozy vibe that screams out for a family. No level of privacy that
is to my choice; I’m particular in everything I do. I want it all in the way I’d
like it.
I’m on my way to another potential home in Bel Air, which seems
to be the way I want to go. It’s exclusive and is very much a private place to
live in, but I haven’t found the right one that ticks all the security boxes for
me. I’m a private person and yet my face is plastered all over the tabloids. I
could be standing next to a woman I don’t know and they’ll say we’re
dating just for the fun of it, hoping to get a reaction or a comment from me.
They’re like vultures.
Mansions upon mansions fill the streets behind the tall gates and
palm trees. I drive down the road with barely any traffic on it until I get to
my destination. I have the address in the GPS system already punched in,
and it tells me to go a little further up the hill. I take one last left turn and
see the home as the GPS tells me I have reached my destination. The gates
are already open, and I see a car parked up in the entrance down the long
driveway. I notice that it’s the real estate agent’s car when she slides out
after she sees me pull up.
The driveway has a stretch to it and diverts down to the entrance
of the home where a nice fountain pours water from the top. Once I find a
space to park up, I turn the engine off and unbuckle myself to get out and
greet her.
“Good morning.” She smiles as her heels click across the
pavement to greet me.
“Morning.” I grunt because I’m a little tired and annoyed. I pull
myself together when I truly get a look at the exterior of the freshly
renovated home. Both of my eyebrows raise in surprise. It has a more
modern feel to it, but there is an air of homeyness not far behind. It has
fresh white walls with high windows hidden behind a cast iron electronic
gate that is open for the showing.
“Yeah, I know. It’s nice, right?” She gauges my reaction and runs
with it.
Fresh and crisp white paint, check; a modern design, check; large
windows, check. Yet, there is an air privacy too; double check for that. All
off to a good start. I’ve got a good feeling for this place compared to any of
the other houses. I like it.
“I got news of this one yesterday and came to check it. It’s not on
the market yet but it will be soon. I’ve asked the owners to give you a
private viewing. They’re fans, by the way.” I stare at her with a deadpan
look. She should know that I don’t want too much hassle from fans, which
should include them, but Carrie rolls her eyes and smiles while walking
away from me and toward the front door. I tuck my hands into my pockets
and follow her.
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” She giggles as she walks to ring
the doorbell at the side. “This house has the standard intercom system, and
this doorbell has a camera here. There are two more at the front gates and a
few more around the property too,” she begins to rattle off and points to the
places where she knows there are camera for the owner’s protection.
I get another quick look around the property from the outside
before I enter and finally make up my mind. I check out the neatly kept
garden that’s off to the side just behind the fountain, the garage with a space
wide enough for five cars to park up comfortably along with the garage
door rolled down to keep it tidy.
The house is huge; it may be a little too big for just me, but it’s
worth a shot.
I look out towards the gated entrance where there is a good plot of
grass. The trees hide the home for privacy. I never thought of having trees
but they look useful for the privacy.
The two owners open the door and I fear for my life at first. The
both of them are dressed in black with leather shoes to pair, and with a pair
of smiles from the two men behind the large brown oak door, they open me
up into another world. Grey and white walls surround us, and a ton of
modern paintings hang eye level with us. Sculptures sit proudly on
tabletops and on the floor, inviting me to come in and look around.
The inside of the home is exactly what I envisioned.
“Hi, Mr. Jackson, welcome to the house. We are both such big
fans of yours,” they greet me. I shake both their hands and thank them for
allowing me this viewing. “Not at all. Please, come in and have a walk
around. We will be around the home, but I think Carrie knows the details
anyway, so come on in and have a look around.” They stand back to allow
me and Carrie walk in. I follow her. “We’ll be around the house, too, if you
have any further questions,” the other guy says.
“Thank you, I like it so far. It’s what I’m looking for.” I admire
the beautiful interior. “You’ve done an amazing job on it,” I compliment
them on their work. “Did you design it yourselves?” I ask before I get
shown around the home.
I’m standing in the large foyer with two grand staircases on either
side of the room that lead to the second floor. White marble with beautiful
sculptures and flowers decorate the table in the center underneath where the
staircases meet. A lot of photos dot the walls next to the expensive
paintings that seem to be a recurring theme. I’m not one for art, but I do
think it brightens up the place.
“Yes, we designed it all. It took us over two years to get it done to
what we wanted it to be. We had to get rid of some contractors at the
beginning but we got there in the end.” They both chuckle like it’s an inside
joke.
 “Well, I think we should get started, What do you say, Nick?”
Carrie opens her hand to point on the direction just off to my right so we
can start to work our way around the house.
“Sure.” I nod and follow after her as I twirl my keys on my finger
mindlessly. We walk into a room with three sofas, one of them being larger
than the other two as the two smaller ones face one another, with a
delicately small coffee table in the center and some coffee books stacked
neatly on top. “The only thing is that the paintings and furniture are not part
of the deal, but I can give you furniture recommendations and have that all
sorted for you before you move in if you choose this house. This house has
four floors; this is the ground floor, you have a basement and then you have
two floors above this one. It’s a tall home with high ceilings, but it has a lot
of space. Just what you wanted. This is what they call the sitting room. You
know, to read books or to just have some me time. There’s no TV here but
there are appliances behind if you choose to rearrange the rooms anyway
and make it into something different,” she informs me.
“Gym?” I ask, she knows that this is a deal breaker for me.
“Follow me.” She smiles. She knows me all too well. We walk
over to another door and she opens it to start walking down the stairs.
“There is an elevator to get down, but I hate them.” She grips on to the
railings as we head downstairs. She reaches over to turn on the lights and
the stairs light up. “They have motion sensors, so it’ll turn on automatically
when you start walking down. This is the gym; this is the only part of the
house that will keep the equipment, so this part is part of the price,” she
says as I happily admire the brand-new, state-of-the-art facilities of steel
equipment mixed with dark grey plastic.
“You’ve got the full package for gym equipment down here.
There is a sauna and steam room through those doors over there.” She
points to where the doors are.
I walk down there to have a look. “And through here is an ice bath
and cryotherapy chamber, all of which comes with the house if you choose
it.” She opens the door and shows me the area.
“All of this comes with the house?” I ask and she nods. “I think
you may have sold me just for this basement.” I smirk as I check it all out.
Carrie laughs and shuts the lights off and walks down the other end of the
room to open up another door.
 How many doors does this place have? I wonder.
“Through here is just an empty room that they left unfurnished but
they have said they planned to put a movie theater down here or a game
room. It depends on what you want, there’s a lot of space to make multiple
rooms as well.” I look at the large open space and start to think of all the
things I could put down here.
I can see a movie theater, a games room, a pool table, and kids’
play room. I can see kids—my kids—running around down here.
“These three doors are for storage, so you can do what you like
with them. No mould because the renovations are brand new, and there are
certificates and surveys on the property that guarantees that it’s liveable,
which I will hand over to you.” She smiles.
We walk back upstairs to continue the tour.
“This is the kitchen. It’s a smart kitchen, so there is a lot of
technology in here. The entire house is a smart home, so you pretty much
control everything from your phone. Switch on lights, preheat the oven,
turn on the heat or air conditioning, etcetera. Two ovens, one grill, and two
microwaves; one is located in the walk-in pantry. Again, for more storage.
You have an electric stove on this island here. The island is made of rare
white Italian marble. You have a sink and a side hose with a steamer next to
it for cooking. The kitchen overlooks the back garden with an amazing view
of the LA skyline.” Carrie walks me out to the sliding doors to allow me to
be greeted with a spectacular view of the city’s skyscrapers.
“Amazing sunrises and sunsets can be viewed from here. You
have your own fire pit to keep guests warm and another seating area just
back there to watch the view. We, of course, have an infinity pool with a
screen that comes up from the floor so you have have pool movie nights.
The hot tub is over here. The barbecue area is sheltered. The house comes
with its own gardener and housekeeper too.
“There is a small guest house over here with its own kitchen
facilities, very similar to the kitchen in the main house; it’s only a bit
smaller, with two guest rooms and a living room space.” I am in complete
awe of this place. It’s a little overwhelming. This is everything I have
wished for in a home. As I go deeper into the house, the boxes start to
check themselves off.
 “I know it’s part of your job to show me everywhere, but can we
cut it back a little?” I ask after checking the time. I can’t be late for training
today or I’ll be benched. Coach will make sure to follow through on those
threats.
“Sure, I know you’re busy.” She nods, understanding that my time
is a little valuable.
“Can I just see the master bedroom and the living room?” I ask to
cut to the chase. I can already envision what the other rooms will look like;
big, bright, and luxurious. I don’t mind not seeing the rest of the house, I
just need to see the main areas; the rooms I will occupy most of my time in.
“Sure. Follow me.” We walk around the corner to see the spacious
and comfortable living room. Very homey and welcoming. I know none of
the furniture will be there, but I can still envision the stuff I want in this
house. I can see a large TV mounted on the wall with a two large corner
couches that join to make a giant U shape. This is the difference between
here and the other ones I have seen. I couldn’t envision myself in any of the
others but I can here.
For some strange reason, I can be here in this house.
“Happy?” she asks as I finish admiring the house. Everything is
very basic here, but I know you can tailor it to fit your style. Guy styles are
very laid back and minimalistic; mine is no different. I like it that way. It’s
easier to keep.
“Yeah,” I mutter as I look up at the chandelier above me and think
to myself, Carter would love that.
“Okay, I’ll take you up the the master bedroom then. Follow me. I
know you’re short for time today and viewing this last minute before
training, I don’t want to be the reason why you’re late.” She giggles as we
race back to the foyer and go up one of the two staircases to get to the
master bedroom. We walk to the right hand side of the gallery overlooking
the entrance, down mute-colored walls that’ll lead to the first door on the
left, facing the view of the backyard. She pushes the door open and walks
through to get into another room. This time, the room is dark grey with a
hint of blue and white.
Black oak furnishing make up the room, and even though it’s
dark, there’s still a bright feel to it. There’s sense of comfort and belonging,
much like what I’ve experienced with the rest of the house.
 I love it.
I smile to the surrounding decor that I know I will get the chance
to do myself and see the floor-to-ceiling windows that allow access to a
balcony overlooking the beauty of the city. I could only imagine the sunset
and sunrises that I will get to see.
“Carter would love this,” I whisper to myself. A lump in my
throat gathers at the thought of not seeing or hearing from her in a while. It
pains me to not hear her sweet voice. I long for her to say my name.
The haze of the buildings in the distance contrasts with the bright
colors of the sky.
I crane my neck around to face the California king bed and begin
to see her laying there, sleeping deep in the covers.
I haven’t heard from her since the impromptu call I made after my
dads visited. I panicked and couldn’t wait to hear from her. I was also
worried about what was said and how she was doing. Was she upset?
The silence is killing me inside, starting with my heart. It’s eating
me alive, and I can feel it feasting on me.
“Nick?” I’m pulled out of my thoughts as I stare at the
mesmerizing view. I can picture her with me in the house. Our home. I can
picture us cuddling on the balcony seeing the sun setting. I can picture our
family running around the house with the amount of space, not without a
few things being knocked over.
“I think I’ve found it.” I smile and turn on my heel to face her
watching me carefully with two hands clasped together in front of her face
with wide eyes.
“You’re messing with me, right?” She gasps. I shake my head
from side to side to let her know I’m 100 percent serious. She grins and
bounces up and down. “Finally!” she screams with laughter which makes
me smile.
“You did good,” I congratulate her on her commission. People
have to make their money, but she stuck with me after a lot of no’s and
uncertainty. She had a lot of patience for me and my determined vision. “I
like it.” She smiles with two thumbs up. “I love it.” I nod in appreciation for
the decor one final time.
“I will have all the paper work ready for you when it becomes
available on the market. All you have to do is come into the office and sign
on the dotted line after your lawyer has read through it. ” She claps. “I’m so
happy for you! It really is an amazing home!” She looks around the room
that’s stunningly decorated to my taste. It’s like they knew I’d be coming to
see the house. “Ugh, I wish I could afford this house—”
“I would have fought you for it, Carrie, and you know it. I’m a
professional competitor. I wouldn’t hold back and you know that,” I joke
but I would have doubled the offer if I saw someone else making any kind
of moves on the place.
“I know.” She rolls her eyes as we walk down the hallway to get
back to the foyer. “It still doesn’t mean I wouldn’t put up a good fight
though!” she teases. “Now, you don’t need to worry about this any further, I
have it all handled,” she begins but we get interrupted by the two owners
who had greeted us at the foyer.
“What’s the asking price?” I inquire before we leave.
“They are requesting twenty-five point five million for this one.”
She winces a little, knowing she couldn’t afford it. Not many people can.
I’m just incredibly privileged to work in this profession and get paid a lot
for it. I take it in, even if it’s a little over the budget, but I think I will settle
for it with ease.
“Hi there, guys,” Carrie greets the two owners.
“Well? How did it do?” they joke but at the same time, I can tell
they want to know if they are going to sell this house or not.
I reach for their hands and shake them individually. “I love it.” I
smile, making them sigh. “This home is truly beautiful, and the views are
just incredible,” I express honestly. “Are you sure you want to sell it?” I
joke and we dive into more of a light conversation about the property. The
more they tell me the details of the place and the history, the more I fall in
love with it.
I know this house has a thousand stories. I want mine to be a
thousand and one.
My phone begins to buzz in my pocket. I know that it’s my alarm
for me to get to training. I’m new to the team, and I can’t have the
reputation of being tardy, so I better be going.
“I’m sorry. I have to go and train with the team, so if I don’t leave
now, I will be late and get dropped.” I chuckle and shake their hands once
more; which is more out of gratitude for their hospitality and kindness.
They took the time out today to talk to me and convince me to get this
house but the house spoke for itself.
“We couldn’t allow that as your fans either!” They laugh as we
walk to the doorway. I bid the three of them goodbye. I wait until she leaves
first; it allowed me to have that one last look at the house that is soon going
to be mine. All is going well with the bid.
Usually, you don’t meet the owners but they made the effort to
meet me. I’m also glad to have met them too. It made the process that little
bit easier. They made it more of a home rather than a house they want to
sell and move on.
I put my car in gear and move back down the long driveway,
towards the gateway that had been open for my arrival and departure.
As I speed towards the training grounds, I can’t help but think
about the house more and more. I’m beginning to let my mind wander back
to my imaginary family that I have with Carter. Her laugh echoing through
the home, her humming to a sound on the radio or TV as she cooks in the
kitchen, her playing with Taylor and our imaginary kids in the playroom,
it’s endless.
It’s my wish, but I don’t know if it’ll come true.
As soon as I make it to the training ground, I pull up into a free
parking spot so I can go inside and start my training with the rest of the
guys.
I pull out my bag and sling it over my shoulder when I step out of
the car. The media are surrounding the entrance to the building. I put my
shades on and grunt with disapproval. They’re so much worse out here;
they follow your every move. They know everything about you and catch
you off guard with the meddling questions they have.
They’re like vultures waiting for you to pass out so they can
swoop in and pick your guts up for dinner. They’re ruthless and only care
about the perfect shot, one that’s not perfect for you.
I lock up the car and make my way towards the crowded doors.
I’m greeted with screams and yells from the people behind the lens. I put
my headphones on and blast the music so I can drown out the annoyance
surrounding me.
As I make my way down towards the changing room, I walk past
old jerseys from legends, memorabilia, and iconic photos. I pass them all
the time to get to the locker room, but I’m only really noticing them now.
Hopefully, I’ll leave a mark here too.
I change out of my clothes and into my gym clothes so I can get
going. I notice that there are a few guys still changing too. That tells me I’m
not as late as I thought I was.
My headphones are still on, so I remove them so I can really focus
today. The team usually plays some sort of background music to keep the
training fun for the weights session, but the field session is complete and
utter focus; no music no playing around.
We start with weights and move to field.
I’m in the room lifting my weights and listening to TJ complain
about the fact that Haley won’t let him buy a new car when he has three
already and she has one of her own.
Not by the money she’s made.
“Look at it though, it’s so shiny!” he whines and quivers his lower
lip.
“I don’t know why you’re trying to convince me. I’m not getting
married to you, so that whole lip shit doesn’t work with me, remember? I
know you like the back of my hand, TJ, it’s not going to work.” I breathe
heavily while I push the weight up and down. TJ is meant to be spotting me
but he’s too busy about the car. “Plus, you already have three of them.
Shouldn’t you be saving for—oh, I don’t know—a wedding?” I ask
sarcastically.
Chris later joins us for him to actually spot me while TJ
complains about the vehicle that he’s not allowed to buy, courtesy of Haley.
“But she’s your sister, can’t you just talk to her?” he begs me.
“No.” I set the bar down on the resting plates and sit myself up to
take a breather. I’ve been going at it pretty hard today. I’m full of good
energy and I have the need to put it somewhere, but I know my body will
later hate me for it. “It doesn’t work like that.” I shake my head and reach
for some water while simultaneously stretching my legs and arms to loosen
them up.
“What? Yes it does!” He waves off my comment.
“Have you met Haley? She doesn’t listen to single word I say.
You have better luck going through my dad than me. It goes in one ear and
out the other with her.” I take a deep breath to slow my heart rate and lie
back to relax after gulping down some of the water filled with electrolytes.
The sweat is pumping out of me, but I feel good for it.
“But it’s my money!” he says and I raise both eyebrows in
surprise. He’s not wrong, but he would have been bitch slapped by his
fiancé if she heard him.
“Would you say that to Haley?” Chris teases, connecting the dots.
TJ springs up his middle finger in response.
“Thought so,” Chris teases again. “You mind if I train here?”
Chris pats me to switch with him. I spot for him as he lifts.
“Sure.” It’s taken some time for Chris to get used to me, but we’re
getting there. It’s always the three of us and the three girls. We’re an
unlikely trio but it works.
“Speaking of sisters,” Perez begins and I couldn’t help but roll my
eyes at the idiot’s voice, “was that your sister in that suit the other day,
Chris?” Perez smirks at Chris, who won’t bite but I most certainly will.
Hasn’t he learned his lesson?
“Don’t go there, Perez.” Chris grunts as he lifts and drops the bar
with ease, not letting Perez distract him from the workout. I, however, am
about to take the bar from Chris and swing it at Perez’s face if he says
another word about Carter.
“What?” he teases for a reaction. “I’m just saying, you’re sister is
hot, man—”
“You’re not her type,” he says in a cutting tone which is very
unlike Chris. I know Perez is itching for a fight. He’s a smug asshole that
thinks he’s entitled to every girl he sees.
“Still, a guy can try. She workout? She was in here for the
interview for the new physical therapist position, right? Where does she
work? Maybe I’ll pay her visit, my inner thigh is very painful these—”
I see red and go for him. I grab him by his shirt and clench it in
both of my hands. I slam him against the wall, knocking the wind out of
him and hitting the back of his head, making him a little dazed by the move.
A rush of teammates join us to tear him away from me, but I’m too much in
the zone. “Have some fucking manners talking about women, you fucking
asshole!” I roar at him only for his eyes to widen.
The beast has arrived.
The side of me that I hate but have come to accept.
 “Run your goddamn mouth, Perez, I fucking dare you!” I growl.
“If I ever hear her name come out of your mouth or if you speak about her
like that, I will send you through the fucking wall, you got that?” The pain
I’ve pushed down for so many years has come out to play today. “I said,
you got that!” I yell, making him flinch in my hands and under my heated
stare.
I’m pretty sure he can see the flames in my eyes.
“Nick, take it easy!” Chris manages to pull me off of him
eventually but I nearly swing for him again. TJ catches my fist before it
manages to hurt anyone. “Walk it off, Nick.” Chris pushes me to the other
side of the room. “And you”—he points at Perez—“don’t talk about my
sister like that or you won’t just be dealing with him.” He nods in my
direction as I feel my heart race. My chest rises and falls out of pure anger.
Chris is the opposite of me right now. He’s calm while I’m . . . not.
It’s like Averman all over again.
“Fucking dickhead,” Perez mutters while maintaining eye contact
with me. I launch myself at him once more only to be blocked by Chris and
TJ. They put their body weight on me as they push me against the wall.
“Get out of here!” Chris points for him to leave. Perez is stubborn
and stays where he is, not listening to a word anyone is saying.
“You fucking go near her, I’m coming after you Perez,” I bark but
TJ places a hand over my mouth to shut me up.
“Whatever, she’s not even worth it,” he says and I feel Chris
release his weight off me, like something ticked in his mind.
“Not worth it?” he asks out loud, his words laced with disbelief.
“The only fucking person who isn’t worth it is you, kid.” As Chris gets
closer to Perez, his eyes widen in fear because it’s Chris; he is one of the
nicest guys on the team. He hardly fights with anyone because he’s having
so much fun. “Keep talking and you’ll wind yourself in the hospital bed
shitting out of a tube due to the coma I’ll put you in.
“Never speak about my sister like you deserve to have her,
because you don’t. She’s not an object that you can throw to the side when
you’re done. She’s my sister, my younger sister, who would slap the
goddamn manners back into you. Say one more thing about her and you’ll
be dealing with a different version of me, Perez.”
 We all pause to see if he’s brave enough to push Chris. Nobody
has ever seen this side of him before. “I thought so. If you ever speak about
a woman being ‘not worth it’ because they’ve rejected you, you can think
again. I never want to hear you speaking about any girl like that. It’s
fucking disgusting, and when you have your own daughter, you’ll soon
realize the way you speak about a woman is highly demeaning and
derogatory. This goes for some of you too! Fix your attitudes and your
mouths, now!” Chris cracked too. We all were not expecting it, hence the
complete silence.
The silence was later interrupted by the coaching staff arriving
back from their meeting. They burst through the door, not knowing what’s
going on, and once they see us all together in a crowd, they slowly walk
over to us.
“What the hell is going on?” Kevin, the coach for the running
back players, exclaims. “TJ, get off him!” He waves his clipboard for TJ to
remove himself off of me. “Well?” he asks once more but nobody speaks a
single word. Instead, my eyes wander back to Perez. I watch him as he
watches me. With my most threatening stare, I notice he’s on edge too. He’s
outnumbered by the most respected players in the game.
“Nothing, I’m going to do field work,” he huffs and leaves with
the entire staff staring at his retreating frame.
He’s young, stupid, and gets on my nerves.
“Alright, alright! Everyone, get back to work! Come on, we have
an important game coming up this weekend!” The head coach claps to get
people moving again. He read the tension in the room quite easily and
diffused it.
To say I wanted to ram my body into Perez on purpose throughout
the training session on the field is the biggest understatement of the century,
but the wise words of Chris Steel to “let it go” told me to back off. He
would warn me to not bother with it all. Holding grudges only adds to the
weight on your shoulders. You have to move on so you can move upwards
in life.
What started off as a good day turned into a sour one very quickly.
“It’s only going to be a shit day if you allow it to be. You’re in
control of your reactions, so if you want to be hot headed and start swinging
with your fists, Nick, you’re only disappointing yourself.” Chris pats my
shoulder for comfort after practice. The entire time, I’ve been holding back
from reacting to Perez’s taunts.
To take my mind off it, I let Chris and TJ see the photos of the
house I’ve finally agreed to buy. They were pleased for me and impressed
with the place. They talked me through the process, so I would know what
to expect. This is my first home, and I know no matter where I am in the
world, I will always come back to it. I have been renting since coming out
of college knowing that once I make it out here, I will settle. It’s where I’ve
always wanted to be.
Ever since I was a kid and saw the movies and TV shows that
were set in LA, I knew I always belonged here. The two things I don’t like
about living here is the paparazzi and the social climbers.
The paparazzi are following your every move and say things to
get you to react so they get the million dollar shot of you. The social
climbers are leeches, and once they latch on to you, there is no way of
getting away from them. They will follow you around until they get what
they want.
I’ve only been out here for a few months, but I’ve already seen
the two things I hate most in action.
Some of the football players think they’re gods and think they can
do whatever or whoever they want. Girls fall for the power trip they’re on. I
can’t even deny that it wasn’t my style. It was, but I’ve changed for the
better. I get no happiness from it, and it only made me go deeper into the
black hole I’m in.
Now, I’m struggling to get out and keep my head above water.
The media’s perception of me hasn’t helped. I’m the broody,
stone-cold, dark football player of the NFL. Heartless, some might say, but
I swear I’m not that bad. I just like to keep to myself. I don’t thrive in the
limelight. I’m here to do the one thing I’ve been hired and trained to do;
that’s to win games and play football.
“So, when’s the party?” TJ teases once we reach the showers. I
smirk to myself and lay my towel on the free bench outside the cubicle to
the shower.
“Who said you’re invited?” I joke back, making him chuckle
before pulling his drenched shirt off over his head.
 “Pfft. You know I am the party, Nick.” He strips further and opens
the door to clean himself. I follow suit to the door next to him; same goes
for Jason and Chris, who go to the showers on either side of us.
“You must show me the new place, Jackson. I heard it’s got a
good view of the LA skyline.” Jason begins to wash his chest. I turn the
knob for some running hot water.
“Once the deal is hopefully sealed, I will take you guys up there
for a look around. It’s a pretty sweet view. I’m glad I took the time to see it
this morning. I was going to change my mind because I was so frustrated
with finding the right place.” I shrug as we begin our shower talk.
“Bachelor pad?” Jason jokes but I don’t take it very lightly. He
knows it so he quickly apologizes for it after realizing my sudden silence.
“Bad joke.” He weakly smiles at me. I accept it and we move on from it.
I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, he’s not that type of guy to
bring a person down like that. It’s the prying ears around us. I would have a
problem with repeating it to everyone and their mother. I have a bad enough
stigma about me out there, I don’t need other things to add to the list. It’s all
my own stupid fault for it, too, but I’m trying to step back and look after
myself. Out here, it’s very cutthroat; one minute, you’re the next big thing
and then that could all change in an instant.
The broody, bad boy bachelor pad. I can see it now.
I groan to myself at the thought of it. Maybe I’m over thinking it?
“Stop being so uptight about things.” TJ rolls his eyes heavenward
at me. I sigh, knowing that he’s right, I’ve been nothing but an uptight
asshole since I graduated from college. It’s unfortunately the sour route I
took after the breakup.
I broke down and killed the man I was before, and I can’t shake
this side of me off. I hate this version of me, but I don’t do much to change
it. I find it hard. If I don’t have any expectations for myself, I won’t be
disappointed. The only thing I allowed myself to look forward to was
signing with the Chargers and moving out here. I knew I could push myself
to do it and become the quarterback for the team. It’s the only thing that’s
hasn’t disappointed me.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you Jason,” I apologize as well
for being an ass. He presses his lips together and nods in appreciation for
the apology. He’s a good guy; ever since I first met him, I knew we’d get
along.
He’s carefree and goes with the flow. Not your average football
player, he’s a little nerdy and reads a lot. You can tell he’s a well educated
guy and took his college experience seriously. He’s a psychology major
graduate and is pretty smart.
After we’re finished in the showers, we get dressed and leave the
compound. Chris and Jason leave together because they live near each
other. Normally, I would catch a ride with TJ because we live together, but I
have my car since I drove here from the house I saw this morning.
Only a few weeks left and I can finally move into my own place,
have my own time, and do what I want in my own company. Don’t get me
wrong, I’m grateful for TJ and Haley for letting me crash with them, but it’s
time I moved out and into my own space.
And this new house has “Nick’s space” written all over it.
For now.

OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
That’s For Another Car Ride

Nick
I’ve been letting Haley flick through the photos I took of the new
house that I’m looking to buy. It’ll go nicely with the car that I recently
bought too.
“Wow, this is incredible.” She stares and gasps at the screen as she
flicks through the virtual tour I have on my phone. One by one, her mouth
gets wider and wider with shock. “This is really fucking nice!” She sighs to
herself. “Everything is so clean.” She almost shivers with delight. She loves
a clean house and never fails to mention it. This house has been spotless
since she and TJ moved in. Nothing is out of place, if something is, she
would know and flip out.
“Like the place?” I chuckle back as I swing from side to side on
the bar stool that’s matched with the center kitchen island.
“Okay, mine is cleaner, but yours is clean enough.” She tries to
emphasize the difference between the two. I will never understand what she
means by that.
“So, what will happen when you and TJ have kids? Kids are dirty,
you know,” I ask but with a hint of a teasing tone to make things light for
her. “They enjoy making a mess of any place.” I just couldn’t resist the urge
today.
“Well, our kids will be trained in that department, so we won’t
have to worry about that—”
“They will still be dirty, Haley. They’re kids, just look at Taylor.
Danielle used to be such a neat freak, yet she runs riot in the house. You’ll
have to compromise with them,” I joke but she stares at me. She knows I’m
somewhat right, and she begins to frown the more she thinks about it. I can
slowly see the panic setting in.
 The thing with kids is, if you don’t let them figure things out for
themselves by trying something new or running riot, how are they supposed
to grow? They won’t. You can’t wrap them in a bubble all the time. You
have to let them do their own thing. It’s what our parents did. If you don’t
let them, you’re hindering them and restricting them, which won’t be good
in the long run.
“If you have boys, they’re going to be all sweaty and dirty
because I know TJ will have them throwing a football once they can walk.
If it’s a girl, she might like to draw—”
“See, that’s where I’ll stop you there. There will be no paintings
or drawings of any kind in this house. I’ll just take them over to their uncle
Nick’s so they can do that and draw all over your walls.” She smirks once
she realizes I have been trying to push her buttons in a playful kind of way.
She bit, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself.
“Too easy.” I laugh and push myself up from the stool to grab a
water.
She smacks me on the back of my head after realizing she lost the
game. I bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing further but I couldn’t
suppress the grin. I open the refrigerator and reach for the water sitting on
the bottom shelf, near the cooler.
As I make my way back, we sit in silence as she goes through one
more round of the photos to really absorb the layout of the house.
“It really is beautiful, Nick, I’m happy you found this one.” She
lifts her eyes from the screen to peer up at me, then slides the phone back
across to me. I gracefully pick it up and put it back into my pocket, tucking
it in nicely.
I sip on my water and we watch one another.
If there is one thing I know about my sister, it’s that she cannot
handle silence. She’s always been the type of person who likes to talk, so I
know this is killing her inside, but I’ve been wanting to ask her a question;
a particular question that’s been on my mind for a while now.
“What?” she asks and crosses her arms. Her eyes are trying to
read me as best as they can.
“Nothing.” I sip on the ice-cold glacier water from the clear
plastic bottle. I shake my head once I swallow it and place it down on the
countertop. I press my lips together as I look around the kitchen awkwardly.
The silence is deafening.
“Nick?” She tilts her head to the side so it’s resting on her
hunched shoulder. With both elbows now resting on the countertop, she
leans forward to get me to focus on her. “I know you want to ask
something; I can see it all over your face. So, what is it?” she asks once
more.
Should I ask or should I wait? That is the second big question on
my mind right now. I know my sister can be a blabber mouth, so it’s taking
me aback how reserved she’s being. I think back and forth. Yes or no? I
wait a while before I actually give in. I lick my lips and sigh to myself. I run
my two palms along my jeans to remove the sweat gathering on them. I’m
nervous and she knows this too.
“How is she?” I finally ask. It comes out more like a whisper.
She drops her head and shoulders down from the weight of the
question. She knows it’s because I haven’t heard or seen her recently, she
knows it’s driving me crazy, and she knows that it’s kept my mind active.
She walks around the island to sit on the stool next to me. She
rests her warm palm on my arm in a comforting way, one she’s never done
before. She’s either bracing me for something bad or she’s just trying to
distract me.
“Do you trust me?” she asks a loaded question. I raise my
eyebrows in response and stare at her, wondering why the hell she’s asking
me that.
“Yeah,” I finally answer but there is hesitation in my tone and she
notices it immediately. We both choose to ignore it and continue.
“Then you’ll have to trust me when I say she just needs the time.
Just give her that.” She squeezes my arm for added reassurance. For some
strange reason, I know that what she told me will help my mind for the next
while. I know that this is all the information I’m getting from her, but at
least it’s something.
“Okay.” I nod in agreement. We leave it at that and move on to a
different topic. “You coming to the game on Sunday?” I ask her.
“Uh, duh! Obviously!” She deadpans but still smiles. “I wouldn’t
miss a game, Nick. You know me.” She leaps out of the chair to walk to the
refrigerator. “Oh, and I also invited Mom, Dad, and Ellie with your tickets
too.” She casually throws the information over her shoulder. “If that’s
okay?” she asks me.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I shrug. I haven’t used my family and friends
ticket each team member gets. I haven’t had the chance to. Haley uses TJ’s
and Danielle uses Chris’. “You know who else is coming?” I ask subtly but
she peers over her shoulder to look at me with sympathetic eyes once more.
“She’ll be there.” She knows what I was actually asking, even
without saying it, but it’s the look of pity she’s sending me that I cannot
stand. I look and sound desperate.
Maybe I am desperate?
“Yeah?” I ask for confirmation.
“Yeah. I mean, it’s Chris’ game, too, so she’ll be there.” She
chuckles. She knows Carter would never say no to a football game,
especially if it were her brothers’ games. Provided that douche lets her go.
“So will Danielle and Taylor. Hopefully, the stadium will be full of fans
too.”
She pulls out some chicken from the refrigerator and salad to
begin preparing dinner for tonight. I just sit and watch her as she rambles on
about how to make her famous secret tomato sauce that goes with the
chicken and pasta.
I listen to her while I take my mind off of other things. After
getting nothing in my head, I spend some quality time with her and help her
out for the dinner tonight.

* * *

Carter
Knock knock knock.
I rush around the kitchen to grab my things to throw them into my
handbag. “Coming!” I yell at Chris, who I know is on the other side of the
door. I’ve being summoned to watch the Chargers versus the Raiders today.
It’s a home game, so Chris is bringing me to the stadium.
I sprint over to open the door to see him patiently waiting in some
fitness attire. “I’ll be there in two seconds, I just have to find my phone!” I
say breathlessly while holding up two fingers. I race back to the kitchen and
leave the door open to allow him inside for some cool air while he waits for
me.
“Here, let me help.” he whips out his own phone and calls my
phone so I can find it. Once I begin to hear the ringtone, I walk around until
I hear it get louder and louder. It’s like a game of hot and cold. I look inside
the bag, don’t see it. I open the refrigerator and see it sitting on the middle
shelf.
“I must have put it there when I was unloading the groceries this
morning.” I feel a blush coming on since my scattered mind came out to
play so early in the day.
Chris slides his phone back in his pocket while laughing at me.
“You ready?” he asks before checking the time.
“Yeah, let’s go.” I nod and let him lead the way so I can lock the
door as we head out. I near the car only to see Danielle and Taylor aren’t in
there with him. “Where are they?” I ask as I pull the heavy black door of
the SUV to I can get in the passenger side next to him.
“They’re already there. I thought it would just be me and you
today, Cooks.” He clicks his seatbelt in and waits for me to do the same.
“Why? You don’t have something bad to tell me, do you?” I pause
and wish for a “no” to fall out of his mouth.
“Nope. Buckle up.” He reaches across and finishes the task for
me. To say I’m puzzled is an understatement.
“Okay,” I say hesitantly as he switches on the ignition making
everything light up. He punches in the destination into his fancy GPS
system to see which route is better and has less traffic, then we begin to
move.
“I just wanted to see how you were, that’s all,” he says and I
immediately know Danielle spilled the beans. I told her and Haley that I
would tell people in my own time. I warned them, both of them.
“She told you, didn’t she?” I grunt as I reach around to fix my
seatbelt so it lays flat and doesn’t cut into my neck.
“Maybe.” He grins out the front window. “Don’t start getting
snarky at her either. She was drunk and it just flew out of her mouth. She
felt bad for it and asked me to forget I heard it, but you’re my sister,” he
explains and I start to feel bad for wanting to yell at her. It wasn’t on
purpose, and I know Chris can’t lie to save his life, so I know he’s telling
the truth. “I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me these things,
Carter. I’m not going to sit here and judge you for it. Hell, my own past
relationships have been terrible, so I really can’t be judging you.” I chuckle
as I remember all the girls he went through in high school and college. They
were all so beautiful and they knew it, but they had no common sense to go
with it. I always feel bad for saying it but it’s true.
“It wasn’t terrible,” I confess.
“I know, that’s not what I meant. Sorry, foot in mouth disease,” he
jokes while pointing to his mouth. He has a lifelong case of it. “I just
wanted to check in with you, that’s all.” He comforts me, speaking to me
with care. Looking between me and the road ahead, he tries to keep eye
contact with me but can only do it when we roll to a stop at a traffic light.
“It’s been hard.” I confess. “I mean, I was fine at first, you know?
I appreciated having the weight lifted off my shoulders and all, but at the
same time, I felt empty for a while. I felt lonely sometimes,” I say. It’s been
one hell of a rollercoaster with my feelings. Some days were good and
others were bad. They say it’s easier if you do the dumping, but I’ve been
on both sides of the fence and neither one is easy.
“You’ve got me, Austin, Mom, and Dad. Even Taylor and
Danielle too. Haley, TJ, and even Nick. You have us all, Carter, don’t be
feeling alone when you have us.” He tries to soothe me but it’s different.
“I know I have you all. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s just an
adjustment, that’s all. It’s going from messages all day to nothing; from
phone calls at nighttime to nothing; from date nights to nothing. It’s been
hard, but I am getting there. I just have to find my feet, and I’m beginning
to find them again.” I nod back, reassuring him that I’m fine. “It’s just that
breakups are never easy. ” I shrug. I watch all the cars zoom by us as people
walk out on the streets to do some shopping or eating food outside and
talking with their friends.
“I know. The time Danielle left me because she couldn’t handle
the media hounding her for being pregnant with Taylor was my lowest time.
It hurt so badly, so I get it,” he confesses. “I loved her then and I love her
now, so it was painful.” He bites his lip in frustration, remembering the
tough time he had starting off and seeing the news of her pregnancy all over
TV. I remember the phone calls I used to get from her about cameras trying
to take pictures of her for months. She was called a gold digger and a
trapper, but what they didn’t know was that Chris wanted to be with her and
wanted to be by her side and the baby’s.
“Yeah, our relationship was a little different though. I wasn’t in
love with Ted,” I say bluntly but with all honesty.
“No?” he asks but he already knows about it. All of my family
knew, I just wanted to prove to people that I can have a relationship—a
good and solid relationship—and I stayed in it because of my own proud
self. However, looking back on it, it did more harm than good.
“No, it was forced,” I reveal to him. After all the time I’ve had to
think, I’ve gotten my breath back and some clarity. I can finally see what
others were seeing. I just wanted to prove to people that I was fine and that
I could do this when I obviously couldn’t. I was competing with someone’s
career yet again. They allowed me to play along with it. It wasn’t a fair
fight—and I knew that from the start—but when Nick came back, I was
determined to show him that I was doing fine without him. In truth, it was
the opposite.
I was miserable.
“You know, that time—when I said I preferred Nick than Ted—I
was telling the truth.” Chris was doing so well up until this point. He
opened his big mouth and really stuck his foot in it. Yet, he continues, “And
I know you’re going to swing your fists at me for saying it again right now,
but I didn’t say it to annoy you. I wanted to let you know that there was a
difference between how they treated you.
“Yes, Nick dumped you in a gruesome way, but he treated you
right, which is what any brother would want for his sister. Okay, I could
have sent him through a wall for breaking your heart, but the way we all
saw how Ted treated you in the relationship just didn’t sit well with any of
us. He was disrespectful at the best of times, demeaning, and always
downplayed your success. But it was what you wanted, so we let you be.
Like you said, you were competing with a career, and it’s not easy nor
ideal.” Chris turns off the Main Street as we continue towards the stadium
on a perfectly sunny day for the game.
I’m excited but nervous too. It’s a big game for the team and the
state, and I can tell Chris is pumped to play on the field. Usually, when he
doesn’t play well in the last game, he does a complete 180 and plays
amazing in the next game. His motto is, “Don’t make the same mistake one
after another.” He counts bad plays as mistakes.
“It seems to be a reoccurring theme,” I mutter to myself as I lift
my thigh up to put my other foot underneath for a boost.
“I know that, but you are way better than any career,” Chris
begins to talk me up, trying to give me more pep in my step. I know he’s
trying, and I do appreciate it, but he’s my brother; he has to say those
things.
I don’t say anything any further, I just stare out the window in
thought as we approach the stadium which you can see up ahead in the front
window.
“Have you told him?” I ask my older brother.
“Told who what?” he asks for clarification.
“Nick. Have you told him about me and Ted?” I make it even
clearer for him so that there is no miscommunication.
“No, that’s not for me to tell. He doesn’t know. I don’t think TJ
has said anything either.” I thank him for not revealing that to Nick in
anyway. I want to tell him in my own time. Today might be the day, but we
will see how it goes. “You know, he doesn’t stop talking about you,” Chris
says so lowly that I almost miss it entirely.
I snap my head around in surprise that he just openly confessed
that.
“What? What do you mean?” I press for further information.
He sighs as if it was something he shouldn’t have said.
“I mean, he asks me questions about you; checks up on you;
wonders about you. He wants to make sure you’re okay. He even threw a
guy against a wall this week because he was talking about hooking up with
you,” he admits, to my disbelief.
I rest my head against the headrest as I begin to deliberate about
what he just said. “I know he hurt you, but you were both so young. I’m not
saying you should have gotten together, just that he didn’t know what to do
at that time. Yes, he made a bad decision, but in all honesty, if I was in his
position, I probably would have done the same.
“It doesn’t make him a bad person, he just made a bad decision.
This guy has been working his entire life to get to where he is today, but
he’s in this position because of that bad choice. I understand it. He lives and
breathes football, just like me and Austin do. Was it right? Not entirely, but
I probably would have done the same, so I can’t knock him. He lives to play
the game, and I don’t blame him for hating himself now. You’re my sister,
I’d do anything to protect you, but so would he. You just can’t keep
punishing him for a decision he made five years ago, Carter. I’m not taking
his side, I’m on your side and I always will be, but I work with him. I see
the pain you’re both putting yourselves through, and I don’t like it—I don’t
like it because I can’t do anything about it.” The tiredness in his voice is
evident, but it’s my decision too.
“Yeah, he looks so miserable with all those girls around him,” I
mumble sourly. This is not who I am, this person I’ve become out of
jealousy isn’t me. It’s not Carter.
“Trust me, they are just bad moments. He’s not interested in
anyone,” Chris defends him. I never thought I’d see this day. I thought
Chris wouldn’t care or let me deal with it on my own. Maybe he has a point.
“Look, I know you’re probably going to ignore everything that I’ve said to
you today, but if there is one thing that I’m asking of you, it’s to keep an
open mind—”
“That’s what Mr. Jackson said too,” I butt in as we stop at a red
light once again.
“Well, there you go. Great minds think alike.” He smirks, making
me roll my eyes. Chris has this gift where he could take the awkwardness or
tension out of any conversation. Nine times out of ten, it’s because of a
stupid joke or at his own expense.
“I wouldn’t go that far, Chris.” I punch him playfully in the arm
and he pretends to whine from the pain.
“You know that no matter what you decide on, I will back you up
110 percent. I’m just merely—that is the right word to use in this context,
right?” he asks me and continues after I nod, “I’m just merely here to give
you another perspective. I see you and I see him. He’s fighting his own
demons that are more than bringing him down, as are you. And I know
you’re mad at him, but I also know you’re mad about him. All the while, I
know for a fact he’s crazy about you. It’s time to forgive him, forget the
past, and fix what you have while it’s still there.”
There’s that phrase again. Should I get back with him? Will he get
back with me? Now that we’re older, what would it be like? Will he be
different or will he be the same guy I fell in love with all those years ago?
Will my heart be able to take another rejection, let down, or hard breakup?
I reach across to my brother’s hand resting on the gear stick and
take it in mine. I squeeze it tightly before the light turns green.
There is no doubt in my mind that I’m in love with Nick Jackson.
What I fear is, will it be the same? Will it be worth the fight?
“Like I said, I trust your decision and will be beside you with
whatever you choose. I just want you to be happy, to be that happy
freshman in college with that beaming excited smile. I miss that side of you.
I haven’t seen her in a very long time, Carter.” I feel my eyes welling up as
I look at my brother as he gives me his best advice.
“It’ll take time,” I whisper before I whimper and embarrass
myself.
“I know, baby steps.” He removes his hand from the gear stick to
hold mine before returning to the previous position to start driving again.
“You need to make yourself happy. Nothing comes first except for your
own happiness.” He winks as we take off again and turn on the last street
that leads directly to the stadium. I wipe my eyes and gather myself
together.
I clear my throat and sit upright to keep myself from getting upset
again.
“So, what about you?” I ask, continuing to fix my face.
“What about me?” He flicks his attention momentarily to me.
“I mean you and Danielle?” I ask once more, as any sister would
do.
“What about me and Danielle?” He laughs as he drives into the
car park of the stadium with stewards lining the parking facilities on either
side of the car, escorting us to the parking space for players around the
back.
“Come on, you know what I mean! When are you going to
propose?” I ask the bold question that my family members have avoided
asking because they all know I’m the only one he won’t get annoyed at.
“Don’t you think it’s time?” I lean over to get closer to him.
He stares at me in the eyes with a deadpan expression before
smiling and shaking his head at my attempt.
 “Do you have to get in my face?” He places his hand on my face
and pushes me back down to my seat, ruining my makeup in the process.
Now I have to fix my face once more.
“Yes.” I dab my face as best as I can to fix it before going inside
for the game.
Once he finishes parking the car, he keeps the engine on,
unbuckles himself, and leans closer to my face, reaching over to the glove
compartment to open it. All the while, maintaining eye contact with me.
“That’s for another car ride,” he smartly says, but I look towards
the glove compartment and see a small black velvet box. Before I could say
something or scream, he shuts it.
“Chris!” I whine because I wanted to see it.
“Nope, you’re not allowed. I want her to be the first one to see it,
nobody else.” I pout but understand that.
“Fine.” I sulk playfully.
“Don’t even say anything to her about it. Don’t even hint about
it,” he warns me before reaching to the back to get his bag.
I zip my lips together playfully to tell him that his secret is safe
with me. I’m honored he told me, and I’m excited for it to happen.
“I appreciate everyone being pushy about it, but I wanted to do it
when I wanted to do it, not because people felt I should. I take my time with
her to appreciate her. I also know that I don’t need to marry her to know
she’s my life partner, but I know she wants it, and I’ll do anything for her.”
I rest my hand on my heart as a sign of respect for him and Danielle. I was
hoping this day would come sooner rather than later. Danielle is already like
a sister to me ever since we met in college, and I’m glad he’s preparing for
this.
“When are you going to do it?” I inquire.
“Now that’s a secret that I’m not willing to share, Carter. Come
on, let’s get you inside and seated for the game.” He pushes himself out of
the car and I eventually follow suit after staring at the glove box. Chris’
“don’t even think about it” message is what got me moving out of the car.
I wanted to see it, is that so wrong?
“Well, whenever you actually do it, congratulations.” I link my
arm around his once he locks the car and we head towards the stadium
together.
 “Thanks.” He kisses the crown of my head just before we part
ways. He goes down the player’s entrance that’s surrounded by the media
and has cameras flashing. I leave him to go and find Haley. I know she’s in
the bar area waiting with Danielle and Taylor.
As I scan my ticket and make my way up the escalator towards
the bar area where only family and friends of the players are allowed, I get
an overwhelming sense of happiness for Chris and Danielle. After I get off
the escalators, I show the security guard my pass and he lets me through the
protected doors. I just wish I could help him out with the planning, even
though he wants to do this on his own for her. I just want to be there
because I know she’s been waiting so long for it to happen.
“Aunt Carter!” I know that little voice from anywhere. I turn
around to see Taylor hanging out of her mother’s arms to try to wave at me.
“Hey there, sweetie!” I greet her with open arms. I soon realize
it’s not just Haley and Danielle here. The whole Jackson family is here too.
“Hi,” I greet them one by one in a daze. I never thought I’d see the day, but
I’m glad they were invited to the game.
“How are you all?” I ask them. It’s a pleasant surprise. Even Mr.
Jackson gave me a hug as a greeting. Lynn swooped me up in her arms like
always. I haven’t seen Ellie in quite some time though. She’s getting taller
and more beautiful as she gets older. I know Lynn and Ellie visit Haley
every so often, so I sometimes see them. “It’s good to see you.” I nod at Mr.
Jackson.
“Oh, we are just so excited to be here. The place is humungous,
right? My gosh, no matter how many times I come here, if Haley didn’t
know the way, I’d be still lost!” Lynn chuckles as she clutches her pearl
necklace in her left hand as she holds a handbag in the other.
“I know. It’s so big, took me forever to find out where I needed to
go,” Danielle chimes in. “Right, sweetheart?” She bounces Taylor on her
hip to gain her attention, which is clearly elsewhere.
“Yeah!” She smiles at her mom.
“Well, aren’t you just the cutest little girl. My God, Danielle, she’s
like a doll! Absolutely precious!” Lynn reaches to squeeze Taylor’s arm,
who smiles nervously at her. Taylor’s hasn’t met Lynn or Ellie until today,
so she’s still getting used to them.
 “She most certainly doesn’t act like one.” Danielle laughs at her
only child who playfully giggles at Lynn when she runs her finger across
her rosy cheek.
“I’d say it’s rather hard to decide whose jersey you should wear
when your brothers and father play against each other.” Mr. Jackson appears
beside me to begin a conversation.
“Oh. Yeah, sometimes there are fights, or my mom and I would
swap jerseys at the halftime because we don’t want to be seen favoring one
over the other.” We laugh together. It’s nice to be getting along with him.
He’s a good man who was only looking out for his son and what was best
for him.
I’ve moved on, and if I can move forward with him, then I can
move forward with Nick.

* * *

Nick
I shut my eyes and rest my hands on my thighs while I listen to
the music blasting in my headphones so I can get into a focused mindset.
This is a big game today, and I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I
move them around to loosen them up and wait for the physical therapist to
put a strap on my shoulder that keeps acting up on me.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Over and over again, I do the ritual to calm my nerves. Not only is
it a big game, but my entire family is here to watch me play professionally
for the first time. I also have Carter tonight watching from the stands.
There’s a lot of added pressure to perfect my game and make sure we win
tonight.
I don’t want to let anyone down.
A slap of a hand makes me open my eyes, and I see the therapist
standing in front of me. I remove my headphones and sit in a way to make
things easier for him to put the strap on.
As he cuts the tape and places it on the skin, he runs through the
usual routine.
 “If this area hurts at any stage during the game, you come off and
let me know, alright? The sooner you let me know, the quicker and easier it
is to treat it so you can go back in.” I nod at his instruction that he gives
often, but he never straps it properly. When Carter did it, it was much
tighter and stronger; it was more restrictive, but not enough for me to play
terribly. It was healing my shoulder properly. I’ve been doing the exercises
she told me to do, which have been beneficial, but it’s not an overnight
miracle. I need to work at it for the long run, and I’m grateful she took the
time to have a look at it and let me know how I need to improve it.
“You think you could strap it a little tighter?” I request and he
does so by a fraction but it’s not enough, and definitely not like Carter’s. I
would say maybe they’re not supposed to, but I did study this in college as
well for some time, so I know that it wouldn’t hurt. “Thanks,” I say to get
ready. My shoulder moves a bit before it really sets in. There is no stretch in
the tape for movements. I stand up, pull up my pants, and begin to change
into my uniform; pads, jersey, pants, boots, and helmet. The black stripes
under the eye will come in time. It’s a sunny day, so it’s needed.
“You ready?” Chris asks me just as he grabs his helmet.
“Yeah, you?” I reply as I walk towards the door so we can line up
in the tunnels and get onto the field. The buildup is always the worst.
“Yeah, I just need the game to start. I’m getting too old for the
inspiring, pumped up music,” he jokes, making me burst out laughing as we
hear the clicks and clacks coming from the cleats of our boots as we walk
down the concrete floor leading its way to the green grass.
“Ugh, smells like someone took a shit in my helmet.” TJ winces
as he sniffs his helmet.
“I knew I forgot to tell you something,” I tease him only for him
to elbow me in my side as a response. I flinch away from him and laugh
until we get to the exit—or entrance, it depends on which way you look at
it.
The fans scream as the announcer begins his speech. We all stand
in silence until some of the guys begin to run once we hear the signal to
lead the way out onto the field.
I don’t run unless I’m playing a game. I saunter out in my own
time as TJ jogs right by me, Chris moves up ahead. He runs to hype Taylor
up, it works every time. I keep my head down out of fear. If I look up, my
nerves will eat me alive.
After the national anthem plays, I can’t help but look into the
stands. I see my family clapping and cheering for us when it ends. I also see
her. She’s standing next to my mom with Danielle on the other side holding
on to Taylor. My heart jumps inside of me.
The baby blue jersey brings out the color in her eyes.
With two black stripes under my eyes, it’s time. “Game time!” my
teammates roar to hype each other up. It doesn’t work for me; it never did. I
rely on myself to hype myself up. I already did it in the locker room, so I
don’t need any additional screams.
“It’s game time.” TJ pats me on the back as we all walk onto the
field from our team huddle with the coach to take our positions. It’s
different than when we were last here. We train beforehand on the field, and
sometimes the other team does as well. It depends on how early they arrive.
It was quiet—peaceful—with no spectators. It’s what I prefer, but
I know you don’t get that on game day. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the
fans and want to give them something good to watch, but do I prefer quiet?
Yes.
“HIKE!” And the game is off to an intense start. Nobody scores in
the first ten minutes, and I can see the guys on either side are getting
frustrated.
We run the ball back and forth, only for it to be intercepted time
after time. We know each other’s games a lot better than we thought, so in
that case, it’s time to switch it up. I give one look to Chris before setting up
to let him know that this one is for him.
“HIKE!” The ball is snatched to my right, and I run back to get it
from the player and assess how well the decoy has done. I see Chris making
a break for the end zone. I know I will make it to him. The guy on his tail
won’t be able to match Chris’ speed. I launch it in the air and watch it travel
down to his hands. He takes it with relative ease and runs further over the
line to celebrate the first touchdown of the game.
The rest of the game went by slowly and meticulously. The
Raiders like mind games and that’s what they’re giving us. There’s a lot of
heat in the game. Some fights brewed throughout it, but they were resolved
quickly with the threat of cards. Emotions were high, and so were the stakes
for both teams right now.
A few words were had and a lot of risky plays happened, but we
didn’t have much options and we were running low. So, we deceived the
opposition and decided to switch it up a lot. That really caught them off
guard but it doesn’t mean they didn’t adjust to us.
We have a 17–10 lead for us at the halftime and 30–27 for the full
time score. It was close but we got there in the end. Not without blood,
sweat, and tears.
I am tired and out of breath, so I lay on the grass on my back after
shaking the opposing team’s hands like I always do, even if they didn’t
want to. My mom raised me to be that way, and I will not change.
Laying there, I look at the sky and see TJ move next to me,
laughing as he lays down. “Man, I think that has to be the best game you’ve
actually played, Nick. The way you took charge of the game was amazing,
man! Congrats! This win is all because of you!” TJ pats my chest as I lay
amongst the greenery. I smile and remove my helmet. I could feel my body
not thanking me the same way, and the beads of sweat drip down my face.
A shadow passes over my face, and I look over to my right to see
Jason and Chris crouching down beside me, smiling happily because we
won. I couldn’t bring myself to look out at the fans. I needed a moment to
myself and to catch my breath. That moment stops thanks to what Chris
says next. “Great game, Jackson! I think I’ve lost my own personal
cheerleader!” He points to Taylor clapping for the team and waving her
hands around in the air. I couldn’t help but laugh at her and her adorable
ways.
“I think you actually lost all three of your cheerleaders.” Jason
laughs loudly, slapping Chris’s chest. I see Danielle screaming with Taylor
and Carter clapping. I sit up to see her cheer.
“I’m surprised he let her come to this game at all,” I say bitterly. I
turn back to face Chris, who is staring right at the three of them. I couldn’t
hide the sourness in my tone. I remove the towel tucked into my pants and
lay it across my helmet in a huff, resting my hand on my head to block the
sun from my eyes.
Chris’ head drops, drawing my attention back to him. He leans
back, sits beside me, and sighs. Except he’s not looking at me, he’s looking
at TJ. So, I turn my head around to face him. He’s wearing the exact same
expression on his face. This can only mean one thing; they know something
I don’t.
“What?” I ask as my head plays a game of tennis as it moves back
and forth between the two of them. “What? Why are you looking at each
other like that? You all of a sudden realized you’re both in love with each
other?” Jason snorts and thinks it’s funny, but neither of them do the same.
They look at one another, completely serious. “What?” I press for an
answer. “What is it Chris?” I snap and he finally looks back at me.
“Ugh, she’s going to kill me for saying this.” Chris rubs his face
harshly while looking at his sister. A few moments later, he turns to look at
me. “Nick, she dumped Ted.” The next few seconds shakes me to my core
so much that I actually thought I had died. I had to ask Chris to repeat
himself because I do not believe him. “Yeah, she did,” he reiterates.
“Nah, you’re fucking with me, that’s not cool. Fuck both of y’all.”
I lay back down, only to be dragged back up and stared at once more.
There is a serious and sympathetic look in their eyes, and I feel
my heart sink into my stomach. “I think they’re serious, man.” Jason stares
at Chris, who shuts his eyes and nods. He licks his bottom lip and looks off
to the side. He rubs his chin in thought and stays quiet for a few more
seconds, thinking about what he’s going to say next.
“Yeah, I am. She dumped him,” he confirms and returns to look at
me dead in the eyes.
“Look at me here and say that again.” I grab hold of both his
shoulders and point to both eyes to make sure we’re focused and I know
they’re not messing with me or it’s not a dream.
“She dumped Ted,” he repeats slowly so I can catch every
syllable. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. My mouth begins to run
dry, and I stare at the older Steel brother, trying to piece it all together and
digest what he just dropped. I know he’s serious, I can see it in his face. My
heart is thumping rapidly. I think I’m either going to collapse, puke, or die
right here on the field. I hope it’s none of the above.
“When?” I ask, trying to get all the information I can. Instead of
waiting for the answer, I snap my attention to her and see her smiling at
Taylor and brushing back the little girl’s hair as she giggle at her beautiful
aunt.
 “About three weeks ago.” I blink, dumfounded at TJ, and begin to
see fire. They kept this fucking thing quiet for three weeks?
“And you’re only fucking telling me now?” I reach for him, only
to be pulled back by Chris to keep me from killing my best friend.
“We were warned not to tell you,” TJ exclaims because he knows
how mad I am right now. But I also want to run towards her and kiss the life
out of her. I want her back; I need her back. She is my absolute everything.
It’s time to get the information and deal with these guys later. Now, I need
to talk to her.
“By who?” I grunt out.
“By her. She wanted to tell you in her own time,” Chris speaks
calmly to bring the tension down.
“Why? Why are you telling me now?”I ask after taking a deep
breath.
“Because I can see the pain you’re both in. I love my sister to
death, and I can’t see the hurt she has in her eyes any longer. I know you
love her too, Nick.” I face Chris once he releases me from his arm that was
wrapped around my neck to stop me from killing my future brother-in-law.
I sit there and go back to staring at her and notice she’s looking at
me too. My heart is thumping so hard, I can hear it in my ears. I feel it’ll
come loose from my chest cavity. I think I’m going to faint but the two
slaps on my shoulder pulls me back to reality. I turn around to see a pair of
legs standing beside me. I look upwards to see Chris’ hand is outstretched. I
take it and he pulls me up but keeps hold of my hand in his, shaking it.
“Go get her.” He nods towards his sister standing amongst the
fans but I notice she’s trying to go through the crowd. It looks like she’s
about to leave. “Go. Before she leaves,” he says.
I race towards her. My legs are doing their thing. I run like it’s my
last time on Earth. I have every intention to leap over the barrier to get to
her. It feels like everything is in slow motion or I’m in one of those
nightmares where no matter how fast you run, you won’t be able to catch up
and she’s moving further away from me. I hate that feeling.
I have to dance around some team members to get to a place I
know I can comfortable get to her.
Once I get near the fencing, the fans all jump at the chance to get
to me while the security guards rush down the aisle to protect me as best as
they can. I grip the high barrier and pull myself up and over without a hitch
in my step and land on both feet. I have to be very careful because cleats
and concrete do not mix well. I don’t even take a second to rest or breathe,
all I want is her. I start to climb up the stairs and call out for her to get her
attention, but the crowd is too loud so I have to get closer to her.
“CARTER!” I yell over and over.

* * *

Carter
“Daddy won! Daddy won!” Taylor yells. She’s so happy with
Chris and his performance. He’s going to be her hero for the night, but I
know that the crowd along with my niece was more impressed by a certain
someone who I think played the best game he’s ever played. It was
beautiful to watch him. The fluid throws, the releases, and the leadership;
he made it all look so easy. A true talent.
“Yeah, he did.” I smile back at her standing on the back of the seat
in front of her to wave at her dad while Danielle holds tightly onto her. With
the crowd up on their feet, I get swept away by the moment of celebrations
for the team. They played so great. That was such a good game to be a part
of; a memory to cherish.
I clap alongside the rowdy fans screaming and whistling at the
team’s performance. Both teams played exceptionally well, but there can be
only one winner. I’m glad it’s the Chargers.
I watch the guys talk to one another on the ground, exhausted by
the game today. I don’t blame them, but it’s the way that Nick looks at me
that catches my breath. A stare of an utterly unreadable emotion. Those
gorgeous green eyes are fixed directly on me. I know he’s not looking at
anyone else right now, I just know it. My heart leaps into my mouth due to
a sudden light-headedness I feel from the look he’s sending me. My vision
begins to get blurry.
“Hey, I need to get a drink. Do you want something?” I ask
Danielle who is standing next to me and playing with Taylor.
“No, I’m good. Are you alright? You look a little pale,” Danielle
asks as I reach for my bag.
 “Yeah, I’m just going to get a soda. I think my blood sugar is just
low. I’ll be right back, okay?” I say as I push past her and the people beside
us. I excuse my way through the prongs of screams as I finally make it to
the ascending steps and make my journey up. The yells get louder and
louder as I make my way up to get myself to the bar.
It’s loud, but I still manage to hear my name. It makes me stop.
“CARTER!” I hear him. I listen as he gets closer and closer. The
guards surround us to stop the fans from getting to him.
“Carter,” Nick calls out breathlessly. I’ve missed him saying my
name so much—so, so much.
I can’t even lift my feet to turn around. Instead, I continue to face
away and towards the bar ahead.
“Hey, it’s me.” With one touch on my hand, he tries to guide me
around, but I can already feel the tears rushing down my face. “Carter,” he
says just a hair’s breadth away from me now. I shut my eyes and relish in
the feeling of having him near me. Chris is right, I need to be happy. I know
letting this all go will allow me to start being happy.
“Please, turn around,” he begs me, and I finally do. Once he sees
the tears running down my face, he cups his hands around my cheeks and
wipes them as best as he can with his thumbs, catching the ones that are
about to fall. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, a slight heartbreak in his
tone. I know exactly what he’s talking about. He wouldn’t be here if he
didn’t know.
“I didn’t know how to, Nick,” I confess. “I just didn’t know what
to say.” It was hard. I truly didn’t know how to, but I knew that I most
likely would have told him today. Yes, I am mad at Chris for spoiling it for
me, but I’m always happy to have him hold me like this again.
Call me weak, but I’m so in love with this guy. I’ve buried it for
five years. I just can’t keep it down any longer.
“I’m sorry, Carter. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to you.”
I’m aware that everyone is watching us right now, but I feel like it’s only
me and him; no audience, no fans. “If I could go back in time, I would—”
“You wouldn’t change anything, Nick. I understand why you
made the decision. We were both so young, it was selfish of me to have
assumed you would choose me over your career. I’m sorry about that too.” I
grip my bag that’s across my nervous body right now. He’s always made me
have those butterflies.
“I’m still sorry. I will forever be sorry for that choice I made—”
“I forgive you, I really do. Obviously, it wasn’t an ideal choice,
but I understand it now. It’s time to forget this and let it go. We were so
young, and we didn’t know what we were doing. I don’t want to hold this
against you anymore. Now, it’s time to move on and to—”
“Fix it?” he finishes off with a huge smile.
“While it’s still there,” I whisper as I lean in to rest my forehead
on his and shut my eyes. His smell is still as intoxicating as the first time I
met him.
“I want you to know, Carter, I haven’t stopped loving you. I don’t
think it will be possible to ever stop loving you,” he admits, making the
tears continue to flow. Those words are the only words I ever wanted to
hear him say.
“I’m exhausted from carrying our past around on my shoulders.
I’m tired of going back and forth. I want peace.” I look up at him to stare
into those hunter-green eyes I connected with first back at the college party
when he sat on the end of a sofa, drinking beer. “The best thing we can do is
learn from the mistake, not repeat it, and take things slow.” I nod and
explain the best route for us to take as does he.
We don’t need to dive back into things for it all to blow up in our
faces. I actually want things to work this time because I couldn’t imagine
being with someone else from now on. I want to at least try again to see
how things play out. We have grown into very different people from
college, yet, part of us still remains the same, so it’s like it’ll be new for us,
and I’m willing to venture into the new start. “Lets take things really slow,
if that’s what you want?” I begin to realize I’m assuming he wants to get
back together. It’s better to ask him.
“Agreed, lets start again and take it slow.” He softly smiles down
at me. He licks his lips and stares deep into my eyes. “Is it okay if I kiss you
now?” he asks for my permission. It takes me a moment to register that he
asked. “I’ve been waiting for five years to do this.” He grins before licking
his lips.
“Yeah.” I permit him and we lock lips. I remember everything. I
kiss him like I had done before. A soft, sweet, and delicate kiss that has me
melting into his arms as he removes them from my face and puts his hands
around my waist. I put my own around his neck to shield us from prying
eyes, but they see it anyway. We know this due to the wolf whistles and
cheers from the people looking at us around the stadium and the country. I
feel like I am on cloud nine. The kiss is still the same as I remember. The
butterflies, the excitement, and the passion. It’s all still there, it never left.
This thing that we have is still alive, and it feels like five years
never passed between us. I still feel like the college girl he reached across
and kissed on the rooftop of the sorority house while we looked at the stars
together rather than being drunk at a party. I still feel like the college girl he
rescued from the pool.
I still feel like the college girl from everything we did; when he
made love to me, when he took me out on dates, when he appreciated me
even over the little things, when he held my hand as we walked to classes
together, when he defended me with his sister’s dismissals, and when he
fought hard for me against Ryan and Maya. All of those actions still stand
true to today. He wanted this, and I know he still does, as do I.
Will things be the same? Who knows? Maybe they will, or maybe
they won’t? It’s all about trial and error with relationships.
This kiss is everything that I needed. He is what I need in my life.
I’m not depending on him to be happy, but my happiness required letting go
of the past and starting anew. That’s what I’m going to do from now on
with this.
I couldn’t help but laugh, and neither could Nick. We look around
to see people cheering us on. I feel the blush creep up my neck from the
embarrassment of the attention we’re receiving as Nick smiles awkwardly
at the onlookers.
It’s still alive; the connection between us from the very first day
we met. The power of it is unmatchable. I have a tingling sensation
throughout my entire body. A fire has been relit since the first kiss of today;
a dormant fire that has been itching to shine bright for five years. A familiar
feeling, one I missed and very much welcome with open arms.
I’ve missed his touch and the way he holds me. I miss his smell. I
miss those eyes staring into mine. I miss that drop-dead gorgeous smile of
his, and I miss the cheekiness. I miss the sound of his laugh or the way he
says my name. I miss everything about him.
 Will my heart get crushed again?
Or
Will he make me feel whole again?
Will it be the same?
Will it be worth the fight?
I won’t know unless I try, right? And I’m willing to put in the
effort, just as long as he does the same, to start again. I just hope it’s better
the second time around.
He turns back to face me again, and I peer into those loveable
green eyes of his and push back the long hair he has grown off his forehead
so I can see him clearly. It doesn’t even matter that he’s dripping with
sweat, I just want him to hold me like before.
“Just how I remembered it,” he whispers between us as we have
our one and only moment. “It feels just like home,” he finishes. I lean in to
kiss him once more while the stadium erupts with delight.
The surge of cheers are drowned out so we could have our
moment. I’m totally lost in this kiss.
Life has taught me invaluable lessons, but there is one thing that I
know for sure, no matter how hard things get in the past or in the future; it’s
that he will always be my Nick Jackson, and I will always be his “little
one.”

OceanofPDF.com
 EPILOGUE ONE
Carter
I’ve been working myself up the entire day for this moment. I’m
sweating, my heart is racing, and I’m almost on the verge of tears. I have
been over thinking this entire moment since Nick brought it up, and I hate it
—I hate that this inanimate object has such a hold over me, I hate the
feeling I get when I hear that word, and I hate that I can’t run from it now.
“Come on, it won’t be that bad.” He cups his hands around his
mouth and shouts up to me as I stand on the balcony to the master bedroom
in his Bel Air home. I look down at him as the dim lights in the pool light
up the area around us. He places both towels on the side of the pool where
the lounge beds are overlooking the view of downtown Los Angeles.
I can never get used to being here; the sights, the smells, the air,
and the noise. It’s all something that took me forever to get used to when I
first moved here. Yet, when I’m away from it, I miss it. Weird, right?
“Don’t make me come up there and drag you down, Steel, you
know I will,” he threatens me, a dimple appearing on his cheek as he runs
his foot through the water to check the temperature and makes a small
wave. “The temperature is perfect,” he mutters down to the ripples and
shakes his foot off, getting rid of the excess water droplets.
I huff out a deep breath and grip on to the metal bar on the
balcony holding up the glass panes.
“Just come down, please. I have pizza,” he coaxes me one last
time. I glare at him, which makes him laugh, as I walk back into the
bedroom. I can feel my nerves kicking in.
“Fine, but if I drown, I’m coming back to haunt you. Not this
place, but you! Got it?” I say as I point back at him and listen to that
chuckle that I love hearing.
 “Yeah, yeah. just get down here.” His voice fades when I walk
deeper into the bedroom and see the blue bikini that’s laying on the bed.
Haley took the initiative to buy me some earlier this week without me
knowing and delivered them to Nick’s place for our swimming lesson that I
didn’t know we were having until I arrived tonight.
Talk about an ambush.
As I put the swimsuit on, I grab one of his t-shirts and throw it
over my body as a makeshift cover. The sound of my feet hitting the
luxurious tiles that cost far too much for me to count reaches my ears as I
descend down one side of the grandiose staircase. I skip down to the
kitchen to grab the boxes of pizza that were delivered only a few minutes
ago. I reach across the island to take some paper towels with me as well.
Just one look at the water has me seriously doubting whether I’ll
able to do this. I have been so scared of water, and college only made it
worse; Nick knows that.
“You know, you could have told me about this little swimming
lesson you planned,” I say pointedly as I set the boxes down on the lounge
chairs he’s standing next to.
“If I had told you, you wouldn’t have come and you know that.”
He grins wolfishly, knowing that he’s correct; and he is. I probably
wouldn’t have come here because it’s the one fear I have that I don’t mess
around with.
“And that would have given me less anxiety,” I respond smartly.
“Then I wouldn’t have gotten to see you.” He wraps both arms
around my shoulders and cradles me in his big arms. It’s then that I notice
he’s not wearing the straps on his shoulder to help with the healing like I
had instructed, and he starts laughing when he looks at my face. He knows
about what I’m thinking. “I took them off because we were going
swimming. I don’t want to go to sleep with a wet tape on my shoulder,
Carter. You can top me up afterwards,” he says and pulls me in closer so my
face rests on his chest.
I wrap both of my arms around his waist and hold him like I don’t
want to ever let him go. Never again. Also, I may or may not be trying to
distract him from the ungodly lesson that I’m desperately trying to get out
of.
 We never talk about it but I always look at and trace the tattoos
he’s decorated his skin with when he’s not looking or when he’s sleeping
peacefully next to me. I stare at his left peck for a little longer than I
thought. He pulls back a bit and peers down at me while I ogle his chest.
All the ink on his body surprised me at first, but I have become used to it by
now. They suit him.
“Come on.” He gestures towards the water and I groan back,
thinking I had gotten away with it, while he drags me to the steps that lead
down into the pool.
“Do I have to?” I groan as I watch him lower himself into the
warm water, expecting me to follow suit. I stand at the edge as I watch his
back muscles mesmerize me as he disappears. He turns himself around,
expecting to see me, and frowns when he sees me standing alone at the side
of the pool. He tilts his head and raises himself up out of the water to come
and collect me. He holds a hand out for me to take and waits.
“Come on, little one. You have me,” he whispers.
“And pizza,” I joke, making him chuckle and nod.
“And pizza,” he repeats but stays as he is. “Come on, I’ll tell you
the stories behind all of these,” he coaxes me as he looks down at the black
ink on his body, inviting me to come for a swim with him.
He’s a good negotiator. He knows I’ve been wanting to know
about his tattoos and what they mean to him; his thoughts behind them, the
stories, and the reasons. Why he got them, and why those particular ones?
They are tasteful, but I can’t help but think about why he got them in the
first place.
What urged him to go to that place?
Me?
Probably?
“Okay, fine,” I pull the shirt off my body and inhale, trying to
gather my thoughts. He raises himself out of the water and walks toward
me, taking both of my hands in his. He slowly and gently pulls me into the
water. He knows that I’m very nervous. Even I can even hear my breath
shaking. The water feels nice but I’m still so scared.
“Well, you should only stay here for now so you can feel the
bottom of the pool. We’ll keep at it until you feel more confident in the
water with me and on your own, okay?” he whispers and lifts me into his
arms effortlessly with the help of the water. “That may take some days,
months, or even years, but I promise you that we’ll do this at your own
pace, okay?” He pulls me closer to his body so we’re pressed against one
other, one hand on my back and the other holding me up from underneath
my butt.
“You doing okay?” Nick checks on me and my racing heart rate. I
am flooded with memories of how I felt that night. The feeling of the water
on my skin is bittersweet because the last time I felt this, I thought I was
going to drown.
“N-Nervous,” I respond. I can’t even form a full sentence; my
mind is on high alert in case he lets go of me. I can’t swim all that
confidently.
“It’s okay to feel nervous, Carter,” He gently pinches my chin and
lifts it up a bit so that I am facing him and focusing on him. He smiles
tenderly. “So, pick one and I will tell you the story behind it.” He begins to
take my mind off the water.
“Your first one,” I ask, taking advantage of the opportunity he’s
giving me. I want to know absolutely everything about the ink on his skin.
“This one . . .” He points to his left peck, the one I knew it would
be.
His eyes never once leave mine when he speaks.
C.S.
VI.XXII.MCMXCIV
“I got this the day we broke up, which wasn’t a very good day for
either of us. I got really drunk and went to the nearest tattoo parlor. It was at
about three in the morning, and I was laying on the seat for the guy to do it.
I had TJ with me trying to talk me out of it the entire time I was there,” he
begins. I can see him picture it all in his mind. “It’s your initials, Carter
Steel, and the day you were born,” he explains and I listen intently. “I had it
placed there so I could have you close to my heart wherever I went. Even if
you hated me at the time, I wanted you around—”
“I never hated you, Nick,” I confess. “I couldn’t have even if I
tried.” I lean in for a soft kiss on his perfect lips. “Sure, I was disappointed
in you at the time—and hurt—but I never hated you,” I whisper on his lips.
“I’m sorry I did that to you,” he responds.
 “I know. It’s all water under the bridge. We’re moving on from it
now, so continue with your stories. I promise I won’t interrupt again.” I
smile to lighten the situation but also to hide my anxiety and the death grip I
have on him so he won’t let me go.
He chuckles to me. “I love seeing you smile,” he compliments me
before continuing where he left off. “I knew somewhere in the future that
we’d see each other again; you might not have wanted to, but I did. Every
morning, I would wake up and see the tattoo in the mirror on me; it gave me
hope. I got it to believe in us and what we have, because I knew you felt it
too,” he tells me a much deeper story than what’s on the surface. “It was the
closest thing I had to waking up with you in the morning and falling asleep
at night with you.”
A much deeper meaning to a simple tattoo he has. He’s being so
raw and honest with me and it’s the part that I love most about him. He’s
not afraid to show this side of him, especially with me.
“So, how come you can’t see them in photos?” I ask as I wonder
where they all go when it comes to his side job in modelling.
“I wear tops that cover them, and for photos, I get the editors to
edit them out. They’re personal to me, and I don’t want everyone to see
them.” He smiles tightly as he looks up at me in the water. The light is
reflecting on to his eyes, making them bigger and brighter to me.
He points to the two constellations on his shoulder next to a pair
of wings hovering over the stars. “I got these because of the night we spent
together on the roof during a party. You taught me all these facts about
space. These two represent you and me; you’re the little dipper and I’m the
big dipper, because you’re my little one. It’s a reminder of when we first
kissed.” He then points to the wings when he notices me staring at them.
“And that represents how much of an angel you are to me.” I run my thumb
over the wings and smile softly down at them.
“The words ‘Amore Eterno’ means ‘forever love’ or ‘eternal love’
in Italian, the so-called language of love, according to Mozart.” He stands a
little higher to show me the scripture on his ribs. “I think that one is self-
explanatory. I thought it sounded nice. I also got that when someone made a
comment about you that didn’t sit well with me, so I wanted to get it for
you.” He settles back down into the warm water and pulls us both over to
the wall of the pool so he can lean against it.
 “What comment?” I ask him.
“They knew you dated me and saw you with your dad on TV. He
said that you looked hot. You did, but I just didn’t like hearing it from
someone else’s mouth; it was disrespectful too.” He shrugs and looks off to
the side out of embarrassment.
“Even when we were not together, you’re still my knight in
shining armor.” I smile cheekily back at him only for him to roll his eyes.
He still couldn’t suppress the smile. “Continue.” I chuckle at his reaction.
“The red rose represents the time I got you those white roses
when you were in hospital and for our first date. I knew white is a sign of
purity and innocence, and I thought it was fitting to get them for you at the
time, but I wanted a red rose for romance and our relationship,” he beams
back at me. I stroke the side of his face with my thumb to soothe him.
“Even when we weren’t together, I would keep seeing white roses
everywhere. I knew that I should have bought you red roses at the time as a
sign from me, but I also knew white was your favourite.”He continues to
hold on to me as we drift closer and closer together, like we’re whispering
between us and keeping this a secret.
“This one”—he points to the words “Bella Piccola” on his
shoulder to bring my attention to it—“is also Italian, meaning ‘beautiful
little one,’ because that is what you are to me and always will be. Inside and
out, you are just so beautiful. I wanted to be able to get the chance to call
you ‘little one’ again someday. I held on to that hope and prayed nobody
other than me called you that. I cannot get over how beautiful you really
are, little one, and how lucky I am to have you in my life and with me right
now. I’m lucky that you gave me another chance.” He brushes a piece of
hair that had fallen loose from the side of my face. My hair is tied back to
stop it from getting wet because I don’t want to deal with that mess later on.
I want to go straight to bed and relax with him while watching a movie on
the big screen he has in the bedroom.
“The wolf and the human face here is probably the most stupid
choice I made at the time, but I have come to accept that it’s part of who I
am. I see it representing, like most people in society, the demons inside me.
It really showed through after the break up and what happened with my
dad. Everyone saw me as this football player who has an attitude problem—
a heartless man who would sleep with anything with a pulse. They saw me
as an aggressive brute on the field and sometimes off the field; a beast,
some might say. That is why I got it. The people around me thought I was
becoming this big shot football player looking to be scouted for the NFL.
You didn’t, you saw me as Nick.” The sadness in his eyes is leaking out.
I knew that some people only wanted to be around him just to say
they were with him instead of really getting to know the true him. They
immediately categorized him, as did I, as soon as they found out that he was
one of the best football players in the country in college. He worked hard,
but people only wanted the final product, not work with him on his journey.
He knew that, and took advantage of it, but is now regretting it judging
from the tone in his voice.
He swiftly moves on from the wolf-human head. “The two birds;
the one in front represents you and the other one behind it represents me
chasing after you. I got the first bird as a sign that maybe I should just let
you go and let you live your life, but I came around soon after and realized I
just couldn’t do that. It’s selfish, but I can’t picture myself without you. I
was in such a bad place at the time. I was drinking and going to bars,
picking up girls I didn’t want to be with. I just didn’t want to deal with it
all, but I knew I had to at some point.
“I regretted letting you walk away that day. I should have ran after
you, taken everything I’ve said back, and kissed you then and there. I
should have kept you by my side throughout this journey, and yet I let you
walk away.” I can see the shame on his face and in his hunter-green eyes
that I just love looking into.
The sadness his face is shown clearly when we think back to that
day but it’s part of our history. We learn from our mistakes. Now we’re
back together, taking it slow and getting to a stronger place with each day
that passes. To be frank, if we had stayed together in college, we may not
last as long as we hoped to or have thought. Then again, maybe we would
have?
We will never know, because it never happened. This is the road
that we took and have taken on as ours. We’ve moved forward together,
even though we were separated. Our past is what happened, and we’ve all
learned from it so we can be in a better place.
“The boat is from our first date. Although it’s not the exact boat,
it’s close enough.” He nudges to his shoulder just below Bella Piccola. “I
got it three years after our first date. I was out on some yacht the day before
and stared at the ocean the entire night, thinking back to that moment we
had.” He nods and licks his lips.
“The ‘I Trust You’ on the side of the boat is what you said to me
on the first night that we got intimate. Believe it or not, that was a special
moment for me. You trusted me enough to do that with me and you felt safe
enough with me the whole night. I also have a slight confession,” he speaks
through his closed teeth like he probably shouldn’t have said it.
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” I ask, intrigued by what he wants to
confess. I lean back and smirk at him for keeping a little secret from me.
“I still have our pictures from our first date. I would look at them
when I couldn’t fall asleep.” He rubs the back of his head embarrassed.
I laugh out loud, making the mood lighter and letting him know
it’s okay to have those memories. He’s a sentimental guy and holds tightly
on to those memories. He’s a lot more sensitive than you may think. For
most of his life, he’s been expected to be this type of guy who is perfect at
everything he does. But everyone has flaws, and in order to make a
relationship work, you accept them wholeheartedly. No ifs, ands, or buts.
What he doesn’t know is, I kept them too.
“I have them in the back of my wardrobe back at home in a small
box where I kept most of the things that you either gave me or reminded me
of you. I haven’t looked at it in quite a while but I still have them. I got
them printed off a few days after the date and stuck them around my dorm
room. I always looked at them when I started my day in college, but when
we ended things. I had to put them away so I could handle all of it. Even
then, I still kept them.” I watch him grin like a big fool, my arms wrapped
tightly around his thick neck. I roll my eyes and laugh.
We both lean in for a kiss; it’s a soft, gentle, and the most perfect
kiss that I’ve ever received from him. Every time we kiss, something within
me lights up in a way that I cannot explain. This feeling is something a
whole lot greater than before, something that I knew was always there, but
this talk has ignited something different within me; different kinds of
feelings.
Excitement.
Elation.
Freedom.
 Euphoria.
Spirited.
Allurement.
Love.
I feel like we’re back to where we were, even though we have
grown so much in the five years we’ve been apart. It happened all so
naturally, which is just what we needed.

OceanofPDF.com
 EPILOGUE TWO
Nick
“Alright, alright, alright. Listen up, you assholes! Hey! Listen up!
Jeez, a bunch of chimps having a field day in the zoo . . .” TJ gathers the
guys’ attention by shouting at them. We’ve been in the hotel suite a lot
longer than needed. I can feel my palms starting to sweat now, and I can
feel my tuxedo beginning to get a little tighter, restricting my airways and
the oxygen going to my head.
This is what the Mississippi heat can do to you too. We asked for
an air conditioning unit for a reason, and yet the guys left the damn doors
open. “Alright let’s all just get a drink. If you don’t have one in your hand,
I’m about to make a toast.” The crowd moans playfully back and starts to
throw pillows, napkin, and anything else they can get their hands on. “Hey
now, behave yourselves or you will not be in for a treat with what I have to
say.” TJ picks up anything they threw at him and throws it right back.
I turn to face Reggie, who grins wolfishly, relishing in the
embarrassment that’s coming my way. “You know you’re in for it,
Jackson.” I groan. I know I’ll need something in hand for now.
“I’ll take a triple McCallan, please,” I say to the bartender that the
hotel provided for the day.
“Okay!” TJ yells once everyone, except for me, has a drink. “Now
that I have all of your attention,” he begins and talks to all of my friends
and family that are here for the special day. The build up to it is killing me
inside. “Nick, my main man, the man of the hour. Today is yours and
Carter’s special day. I thought this day would never come,” he jokes,
sending the room into hysterics. “I know you thought it wouldn’t either.
You’re most impatient man I’ve ever known.” A loud cheer and few hands
were raised with glasses in the air at my expense.
 “Okay, but on a serious note, today is the big day, my man. This is
where your life truly begins. Trust me on that. You have been with one of
the most beautiful women, both inside and out.” The guys nod in agreement
as he said that. I smile happily back as I think about her. “She is a lucky
woman, too, man. You have been the brother I never had . . . nor wanted.”
TJ grins playfully while everyone chuckles. “But you are one of the kindest
people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, man. I have grown up with you;
we’ve been through thick and thin. And if there is one thing that I know for
sure, it’s that you deserve this new found happiness you’re about to
experience. I couldn’t think of a better person to enjoy it with. Definitely
not Haley.” He points with the scotch in his hand as all eyes are on him with
his jokes.
Even though he’s lighting up the room with his humor, he knows
that I’m nervous about today. I just want to get going. I have been waiting
for this for a long time. Not seeing her all night has been killing me.
“You two complement each other in the best possible way. You’re
opposites but at the same time very similar. I am happy to see you both so
happy with each other. Everyone here can tell that you’re both obsessed
with one another. I know, as does everyone else in this room, that this will
be a grand moment for the both of you. I’m glad you finally get to marry
your other best friend. I’m glad you’ve made it this far, Nick.” He raises his
glass, and I finally get mine in time to copy him and the others in the room.
“To Nick and Carter!”
“To Nick and Carter!” everyone repeats what he says.
“And a marriage that I know will last a lifetime!” He gets the last
part in after. I thank him silently for the toast.
Yep, today is the big day.
I’m officially marrying the love of my life. It only took us eight
years to do it after we met and three years after getting back together but
we’re here. We’re both ready to tie the knot.
We took things slow and steady, like we agreed. Even if we had
our rough moments, we stuck to our guns and took our time for fear we’d
ruin it all over again. When we finally got in the groove of things, it was so
liberating to be back to what it was before without even trying. Effortless
and perfect.
 Even if it wasn’t 100 percent like before, we’ve adapted to our
new normal and it’s worked out very well for the two of us.
We agreed that there will be no expectations going into it and that
we were going to be somewhat different from who we once were in college.
Things have changed, and it’s like we’re starting from scratch, only this
time we have a little less to anticipate and a little more room to breathe.
We’ve learned about each other and took that time to be with one another
yet still have time for ourselves. We weren’t always attached at the hip. As
much as I wanted to at the beginning, we agreed that it’s not the best for the
relationship. We worked hard on it.
Don’t get me wrong, as much as the relationship had its blissful
moments, we always had our fair share of fights. We just always agreed that
no matter how angry or upset we are with one another, we’d talk to each
other about it and never go to sleep on a fight. We’d take the time to
understand how the other person felt in that moment. It wasn’t me versus
her in the fights, it was us versus the problem.
We’re not the perfect couple, even if it look like it when we’re
plastered all over the tabloids and online gossip sites that certain people live
for. We have our moments, but that’s the road we took, one that has lead the
both of us to getting back fully together.
A large heavy hand weighs on my shoulder. I turn around to meet
my father-in-law, Rodger Steel. The most protective goddamn man on this
goddamned Earth. Three years of nonstop glares, sly digs, and warnings
about Carter, none of which I actually took seriously. I knew at the end of
the day, he liked me. He knows that, too, and it only made things between
us weirdly playful. We get along great. I have all the time in the world for
him and Elaine and vice versa with Carter and my parents. We’ve become a
very close family, but it wasn’t easy getting Rodger’s trust back. I had to
work for it. Even when he told me Elaine would be more of a problem, I
knew she’d give me another chance. However, I knew it would be the only
one she’d give.
Our families blended together seamlessly when we got back
together. Although it was a bumpy road at first due to so many opinions,
doubts, and people being very cautious when it came to our relationship,
but that went away once we proved that we were always meant to be
together. We pushed through the doubts of outsiders too. That was harder
for Carter. So many people we’ve never heard of nor spoke to talked about
our relationship, influencing the public in more ways than we could
imagine.
Until I shut it completely down in one interview. Since then,
we’ve had no problems.
Carter quit from the clinic she originally worked at and opened up
her own physical therapy center for all walks of life; old people, children,
and athletes to name a few. I own a fair bit of it, but I’m only a name on the
paper. Even if she hasn’t gotten the money to buy me out yet, it’s already all
hers.
She was hesitant at first after the blow of being turned down to be
the physical therapist for the Chargers. I knew she had wanted the job, but
she also had to be true to herself. She told herself that it just was not meant
to be, and maybe it’s not. She always said that if a position is open in the
future, she may have a better chance because of the experience she’ll gain
throughout the years. She would go for it if offered the chance, but at the
moment, she’s in no rush to make those kinds of changes.
Would I have wanted to see her every day at work? Definitely, but
she’s happy with where she is and happy that I could help her out, even if I
had to beg her to allow me to. It took a lot of convincing on my part.
Rodger holds his hand out to shake mine, and I set the glass in my
hand down on the table I was leaning on. I stand up taller as a sign that he
has my full attention. Reggie stands alongside us, sipping on his freshly
poured craft beer. “Congratulations, Nick. The tux looks great,” he
compliments me.
“Thank you, Rodger. You don’t look half bad yourself. I’m sure
you’ll have the ladies all over you later.” Despite this man’s age, he can still
attract many of the ladies’ eyes without even trying. I think it’s his aura and
confidence, which has often gotten him into trouble with his wife since it
gains the attention of many other married women.
“Oh, trust me, it’s already begun. I’m already in trouble just by
coming down to see you before the ceremony. Apparently, the girl at the
front desk was flirting with me.” He rolls his eyes.
“You still got it, Coach Steel.” Reggie grins before taking a sip of
his beer.
 “And always will.” Rodger winks back playfully. “I wanted to
stop by and wish you all the best today and to thank you for taking care of
her in the recent years. I know we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs,
but I’m only looking out for her. She’s my only daughter, I’m sure you can
understand.” He holds on to my hand so we can keep the bond that we have
developed over the years. I nod back in appreciation. “I know you’re a good
guy and that your heart is always in the right place. I know I won’t have to
worry about you guys because I know she’ll be safe with you.” His lips try
to smile but I can see he’s visibly trying to hold himself together as he
thinks about Carter. “Welcome to the family, officially.” He winks before he
lets go.
“Thank you, Mr. Steel. You are welcome in our home anytime.
The door is always open for you guys,” I respond before he gets choked up
thinking about his daughter.
Thinking about the wedding has always made him nervous and
upset, but in some strange way, it’s brought us all closer together. I’ve
gotten my alone time with the father of the bride many times, and I knew it
was needed. We got to talk some things over about the past, present, and
future for the two of us. He’s good for advice . . . but only for football.
Elaine is the woman you need to talk to for things outside of it.
But the main woman I like to hash things out with is the woman of my
dreams; Miss Carter Steel, soon to be Mrs. Carter Jackson.
“Thank you. we will be using that open invitation.” Reggie laughs
raucously at Rodger’s joke. He absolutely knows about what I’ve landed
myself in.
Reggie has three kids after all these years, with one more in the
oven with Cassie. They got married straight after college when he got
signed for the Kansas City Chiefs. Reggie out of all of us has moved the
most. I don’t think he’s stayed with one team for more than two years.
Currently, he’s playing for the Giants as one of Rodger’s players and Austin
Steel’s teammate.
The industry is tight, so it’s a pretty small world to work in.
Everybody knows everybody.
“Now, I will leave you guys to it. And TJ!” Rodger roars over to
him to get his attention. “I want him at the top of the aisle NOT swaying
from side to side when I give my daughter away. That goes for you too!
Ease up on the shots and scotch!” he yells, only for everyone to laugh in
good spirits. “And I do mean both of you.” He turns around and slides the
glass of scotch away from me. “You’ll have all night to drink yourself into a
coma after the wedding.” He raises an eyebrow as one of his playful
warnings. I salute him before he leaves to go and see his daughter. The man
is a powerhouse. You can’t disagree with him. “I want you there on time
and sober,” he warns again. I know he’s being serious.
“You got it!” I reassure him that I will be at the altar standing
straight for when I see him walking the beautiful bride down the aisle to me
so we can start our new life together.
The amount of things he’s been through himself as a person is
mind-blowing. Even then, very few know anything about him even if he’s a
large personality. I respect him immensely and I know he just wants today
to go right for the both of us.
After speaking to Rodger, my own dad enters the room and they
shake each other’s hands as they cross paths. It took some time to get them
on board with one another. Two years, maybe even more. We got there in
the end. Now, they have a mutual understanding with one another after
having a one-on-one discussion which none of us know anything about. It’ll
remain a secret between only the two of them. I think they will take that
conversation with them to their graves.
My dad does his rounds and talks to the people around. I catch his
eye and he gives me a small nod of congratulation for the day. I send one
back to thank him for coming and recognizing my love for her. It means the
world to me. I know this day will be a special one for both families and
parents, but for my dad, it means a lot to him that I’m happy, he just won’t
say it out loud. He’s a proud Mississippi country man, but I know that nod
was his way of letting me know he cares, and I value that.
I am a firm believer that being around certain people can make
you happy, but there is a fine line between depending on someone to make
you happy and being around someone that makes you happy. Understanding
the difference has been a key factor for mine and Carter’s relationship to
heal for the better. We started to depend on each other for happiness and
slowly made sure to ease up on that dependency, and it made us so much
more happier in our everyday life; it made things easy and natural. The flow
was back, and we didn’t have to force it despite having to remind each other
several times. We got there in the end.
We respect each other’s boundaries and never push it.
Being around someone that makes you happy is much better than
depending on them. Depend on yourself to make your own happiness, but
you can share it with your other half. Codependency is not the key.
Making sure of that is why I’m here today. I’ve waited eight years
for me to wed that very person, and I cannot wait to make her my Mrs.
Jackson forever.
There’s no going back now. I’m happy with her, and I know I will
be for the rest of our lives together.

* * *

Carter
A soft knock greets the bridal party.
Danielle opens the door, peeping out to see who it is in case it’s
someone looking to come see me when they can wait until the wedding
starts. She swings the door open to reveal my dad, who has come from the
groom’s gathering that’s in another suite. I can only imagine what TJ has
them doing down there.
My dad enters inside after hugging Danielle and kissing my mom
afterwards. He makes his way through the room and finally gets to me. We
are all in our robes and some lounge pants, getting ready for people to get
into their dresses. Once the bridesmaids are in theirs, we can start preparing
to move. My mom has to help me into mine so nothing gets torn or stained.
Plus, I’m so nervous that I’m sweating; I can’t be sweaty when
getting into the dress or else there will be stains. My mom keeps feeding me
ice cubes to suck on so I cool down, which seems to do the trick.
Even though I’m so nervous, I’m also excited to marry Nick, to
marry my best friend in the whole world and to be with him forever. It’s
finally happening after so many years of high and low points, I’m getting
my happily ever after.
A soft kiss on my cheek from my dad helps keep the jitters at bay.
“Well, don’t you look beautiful, Carter.” He smiles down at me. I have had
my hair and make-up completed with a seamstress on standby in case I need
anything done to any of the dresses. He rubs both of his hands along my
arms to comfort me.
“Thanks, Dad. You look so handsome in your suit,” I compliment
him while fixing his tie that has shifted slightly to the side.
“Thank you. You picked out a good suit, huh? How are you doing
now? Your mom said you didn’t sleep too well last night.” he asks even
though he already knows the truth. I know he and my mom talk nonstop
about it all the time.
“I’m a little tired. Honestly, I couldn’t sleep last night because I
was so impatient. I wanted the night to move faster. I want to see him—I
want to be with him. That’s all.” I shrug as I notice some of the girls
beginning to fetch their dresses to get this wedding started.
“I know, and I get the feeling he’s excited to see you. Especially
in your dress.” He rests both of his large hands on my shoulders then spins
me around to push me towards my mom. “But they are starting to move
soon, so you have to get changed in case you need more alterations, or
makeup, or whatever it is you girls spend your lives doing.”
My mom rolls her eyes and cradles me as we walk into the suite
they have dedicated for the dress I have bought—well, my dad bought for
me. He has never seen me in it, and he doesn’t want to until the day of the
wedding. I know he finds it very hard to let me go, especially when I’m his
only daughter. I can see it in his eyes. Even with that heartache though, he
is very happy for me and Nick.
I walk into the room where my dress is hanging up in. It has a
black plastic cover around it because I know there are cameras outside
looking to get their money shot of the dress and spoil the day for me.
I had been looking everywhere when I initially went shopping for
the dress. My dad said I could have whatever I wanted, but I didn’t want it
to cost an arm and a leg for him. He’s worked so hard for his money that he
could have spent on himself and my mom, but he insisted I get the dress I
wanted, no matter the budget.
I am really lucky to have that option. Not many do and I’m very
grateful.
Searching for the dress was hands down the most stressful thing
I’ve ever had to endure. It went on for weeks and weeks in different states
across the country, until I finally went to a private booking that Haley got
me at Oscar de la Renta in LA. There, I found the one that I just adored.
The fitting was easy, and the dress is custom made to pure perfection. I
hope Nick thinks the same.
My mom unzips the dress from the bag and lays it across the bed
in the room.
I’ve stayed in a large suite to myself the entire night. Although the
idea of being able to relax and do my own thing was originally the plan, it
didn’t turn out that way. The girls and my mom all came around last night
to have some drinks and time to unwind before the wedding. It was nice to
catch up with them and we played some fun games. But when it came down
to trying to fall asleep, I just couldn’t do it. The thought of getting married
right then and there has crossed my mind one too many times thanks to my
brain working in overdrive, hence the bags under my eyes.
It’s been untouched since the final fitting and has been in that bag
to protect it. I’ve had it hidden in my parents’ place in case Nick stumbles
across it by accident and ruins the tradition of every wedding. Just for safe
keeping.
My mom smiles down at the dress in thought. “I remember when I
first saw you in this when you decided to try it on. I could tell it was the one
just from the look on your face. You looked like a true angel in it, and I’ve
never seen someone so beautiful in a dress like that before. It really took my
breath away, sweetheart.” As I get closer to the dress, I can see the tears
starting to well up in her eyes as she focuses on me.
She lifts her head and focuses her gaze upwards, beginning to fan
her face to stop the tears from falling. “No, we’re not going to do it!” she
scolds herself. “You are not crying right now, Elaine!” she admonishes
herself again. I couldn’t help but chuckle a little before giving her a great
big hug.
She’s been my rock throughout the last three years. Sure, I have
Nick, but my mom has been with me from the very start along with my dad.
The dress is a mermaid gown with a low back that just touches the
bottom of my ribs with spaghetti straps to bring out the v-neckline in the
front of the dress. The bodice is made up of fresh and crisp white lace with
lining underneath it. It falls so elegantly to just above my knee, showing off
a small train of delicate lace stretching behind me as I walk. The dress
accentuates my curves in all the right places. It’s a simple dress, and that’s
why I love it so much. It fits my personality like a glove.
No glitz or glamour. That just isn’t my style.
“I love you,” I whisper in her ear, making her squeeze me back. I
know that she’s trying not to say anything in case she cries, but she still lets
me know that she feels the same. I’ve always been very close with my
mom. I’ve never had a bad relationship with my parents and I’m very
appreciative for that. Sure, we’ve had our fights, but what family hasn’t.
Gage, Reggie, Austin, and Chris are groomsmen while TJ is the
best man at the wedding. I’ve asked for Haley, Cassie, my cousin Harper,
and Candice to be my bridesmaid, leaving Danielle to be the Maid of Honor
and Taylor to be the flower girl. I have it all prepared. We practiced too. I
like having a run-through so that I know what I’m doing to make things run
smoothly.
When I decided to set up my own business with Nick’s help, I
poached Candice to come and join me. I knew that what she was getting
paid for at our old job wasn’t helping her in the long run. I promoted her
because I know she would do such a good job. She’s the manager in the
athletic department of the physical therapy clinic I now own and run. I have
two other managers; one manages the therapists who primarily deal with
general walk-ins and older clients, and the other manages children, young
adults, and adult rehabilitation.
It’s a small business, but we’re slowly growing day by day. We do
an excellent job reaching out to anyone who needs our help. I have a lot of
trust in my management team.
I don’t just sit in the back though. I take on clients just as much in
all areas. I enjoy having a routine where I get to converse with people who
stop by the clinic in Sherman Oaks, a prime but expensive area. If it hadn’t
been for Nick, I wouldn’t be able to do it at all.
He drops in every so often to get treatment for his shoulder. It’s
slowly healing back to what it once was, but we still have a long way to go.
He still, to this day, refuses treatment from the Chargers’ therapist and
always comes to my clinic just so he can support me even when he has
already helped me in more ways than one.
Taylor turned eight a few months ago. She always loves coming
down to Mississippi to be with her grandparents.
 I don’t mind coming down here either. You get all you need.
Some of my best childhood memories were in Mississippi before we moved
to New York when my dad became a coach for the Giants.
Nick and I decided to get married here because it means so much
to us. Long Beach, Mississippi is where we decided on. The hotel we’re
currently in has decided to organize everything with the wedding planner so
that it is exactly to our taste. Our wedding is simple, with a limited guestlist
so that it’s hidden away from prying eyes.
We’re not getting married on the beach exactly. We’re getting
married in the special gardens that has a large wooden gazebo, vines of
roses laced around it, the ocean and beach remaining as a background. The
reception is in the hotel venue itself, where it will be in a separate location
within the grounds. It’s a private and small party. We don’t need a whole lot
of people here, just family and close friends. It took us a lot of time flying
back and forth between here and LA to find the perfect place, but where we
decided is just right. It’s what we envisioned. The wedding planner did a
great job in locating this for us.
Speaking of wedding planner.
Another knock on the door echoes around the room before it’s
pushed open. I know that it’s her, Sienna. After she enters, she shuts the
door behind her. With a clipboard in her hand, she raises it so she can look
at her watch to see what time it is. “Alright, so, how are we both doing?”
She beams with excitement, making me copy her.
“Good,” I respond as my mom gathers her voice.
“Good! Alright, we have about ten minutes before we need to
start moving along, okay? I’ve told the guys to start making their way down
to the garden. We will have to start soon, too, okay? The guests have
arrived on time, which is an first for me.” She nods and I copy her yet
again. “Okay then, let’s get you in this masterpiece of a dress.” She throws
her clipboard over to the table. She claps her hands together to rid of any
dust before touching the dress. It’s very delicate, there’s only one way of
getting into it without tearing it.
My mom reaches over and starts to unzip the access point from
the side of the dress. I begin to pull off my robe and lounge wear to slip into
it. My white backless bra has been checked and secured time and time again
for fear I have a fashion fiasco. My underwear is white so that you can’t see
them. Everything has been prepared well in advance, but now, it’s finally
the time.
This is it.
As I slip into the dress and pull it up, I adjust the straps around my
shoulders. My mom zips me into place while Sienna grabs my white heels
to go with the dress.
Something borrowed, something blue, right?
My mom gave me her lucky pin that she wore to her wedding
with my dad. It’s a blue pin with the words “Steel” and my dad’s football
number back when he played in high school and college. She’s letting me
borrow it for today. I watch her as she pins it to the back of my dress.
Sienna returns with my shoes and helps me put them on and strap
me in. Once they’re on, I know I’m ready.
No veil for me. Plain, I know, but this is the way I like it.
I stand up and fix my hair so it falls down my back in effortlessly
soft waves. I take a deep breath.
I’m ready for this. I’m ready for this day and our wedding, I think
to myself as my mom finishes zipping up my dress. I’m ready to be Mrs.
Carter Jackson.
Sienna holds the door open to where the guests are. I’m greeted
with smiles, stares, and joy on their faces. But it’s my dad that I want to see.
He hasn’t seen me in this dress before. It’s his first time to experience it
today.
He’s sitting on a tub chair in the suite, staring out the window and
leaning on his elbow that is propped up by the small round glass table.
It’s the sudden quietness in the room that catches his attention,
then he soon focuses on to me. His mouth hangs open as he sits and looks at
the dress, his eyes wandering down the length of it. He pushes himself up
from the chair and stands in complete and utter shock.
“Well?” I break the ice jokingly.
He smiles and shakes his head disbelievingly with his hand over
his mouth. “You look beautiful, Carter.” His jaw tightens as he rubs his
eyes. I know it’s become real for him, I can see it in his face. “You really
and truly are beautiful, baby girl.” He holds back the tears that I know he
wants to release, but he’s a guy, and guys try not to cry. I can see he’s trying
to hold himself back to keep it all together. I know he doesn’t want to see
me go, but he knows that I’ll always be around and that I will always be a
Steel.
He reaches across to engulf me in a great hug. “I am so happy for
you, sweetheart,” he whisper’s so it can only be heard between the two of
us. This a moment just for us.
“Thanks, Dad,” I reply, appreciating this very moment were
sharing. It’s all any girl could ask for with her father, the very first man she
truly loves, and he will always be just that to me.
After a few celebratory drinks of champagne and countless
warnings from Sienna, it is time. It is finally time for me to be reunited with
my love. The more I think about it, the more excited I become. I don’t care
who is attending the wedding, this is about me, him, and our future together.
My dad holds out a bent elbow for me to slide my own arm
through so we can walk together. I know Danielle has my bouquet. After I
was made to be the Maid of Honor at Haley’s wedding and a bridesmaid at
Danielle’s, it’s time they pay me back.
Outside of the room, there are two security guards to escort the
party down to the wedding area and bypass all of Nick’s party and the
paparazzi. The girls walk in front. I walk with both of my parents.
We ride down the elevator to get to the reception area—which is
off limits for the next hour, hence why we needed to move at this time—and
come to the end of it. Only people who work at the hotel are allowed in the
area, and the majority of them stand back and watch as we all make our
way to the golf carts that are waiting outside to drive us to the gardens
without ruining the dresses. There are two people per cart, plus the driver.
I’ll ride with my dad. My mom and Sienna ride together.
It’s a short drive through the trees to get to the wedding area.
Once we arrive, we could hear the chatter from the guests as we hop off the
carts to get into position. Sienna races around to get things organized before
we kick off the wedding.
The girls line up in the order Sienna wants them to be in, and I
give my mom a kiss on the cheek before she steps out to take her seat. We
are hiding behind a wall of white and pink roses. When we’re ready, we
will walk through the gap and down the aisle.
Taylor, as the flower girl, will walk first. For the bridesmaids,
Candice will go first, then Cassie, then Harper and then Haley, leaving
Danielle to walk last in line as my maid of honor and to make sure
everything is okay.
As they walk one by one, I can feel my dad kiss my temple. I
know that this is the final hurdle for me. I am so wrapped up in my world.
I’m watching everything around me when I should be enjoying this special
moment. As we step closer and closer to the gap, I feel the butterflies flutter
inside of me.
I just can’t wait to see him.
“You ready, kiddo?” my dad asks for the go ahead.
I take one deep breath in and hold my bouquet on my right hand
and my dad on my left. I nod. “Let’s do this.”
The typical wedding music plays by the small orchestra we hired
to serenade the crowd who are just off to the side of the gazebo.
I know it’s time. I’m ready. I look at my dad, who nods happily to
indicate that now is the moment. “I love you. I’m so proud of you, Carter,”
he whisper’s before we walk out together. I can feel Sienna fixing the train
behind me so it won’t catch on anything as I walk. I’m trying not to cry by
his kind words. I’m trying to hold myself together and smile.
I can see Nick standing underneath the large archway completely
decorated with flowers that match the wall my dad and I were hiding
behind. The ocean waves are crashing softly in the background, the perfect
picture of blue skies and blue ocean decorating the whole place. Pillars are
placed at the end of each row for guests, connecting to another archway to
walk through to get to their seats, which is completely saturated with
flowers. The colors are breathtakingly beautiful.
As we walk down the aisle to the rhythm of the music, I look at
my future husband and see him standing handsomely in a black tuxedo, his
hands joined softly in front of him as he stares back at me with a soft smile
and bright eyes. A soft breeze greets me, and my hair sways a little across
my bare back. He looks absolutely incredible as always. His fresh white
shirt accentuates his tanned face and model-like features.
My heart leaps, flips, jumps, and rams against every part of my
chest. I’m on a high because I finally get to see and be with him.
Together with my father in tow, we make it to the end of the aisle.
I am greeted by the groomsmen lined up behind Nick as well as the minister
who is about to marry us. Nick walks down to shake my dad’s hand and to
take me up beside him. “Take good care of her,” he says to Nick as he grips
tightly onto his hand. I can’t help but chuckle.
“I always do,” Nick replies confidently.
I feel a warm hand on my back and a soft kiss on my temple as I
stand between the two men. I kiss my dad on the cheek and give him a
great, big hug before he leaves me to take his seat next to his wife.
I take Nick’s hand in mine, and he takes me up the steps, one by
one, so we can present ourselves to the altar. I hand Danielle my bouquet to
hold for the ceremony.
The ceremony went by in a flash. I honestly couldn’t remember
any of it, it was all such a blur. All I did was focus on Nick the entire time.
There were many jokes about it, and I didn’t mind one bit.
It was our moment—our day—and that’s all that really mattered
to me in the end. Nothing could have gone wrong in my eyes. I was happy
to be standing there with him as we we said our vows and promises to one
another. Marriage isn’t easy, but we’re prepared for it. I know well be just
fine.
Together, we can get through it all.

* * *

The first moment alone that we had after we said our “I Do”s to
one another and celebrated with our first, official kiss of being married was
when we had our first dance together. We were in the middle of the room
for our private reception. It was our very first dance as Mr. and Mrs.
Jackson.
I was quick to remind him that I will always have the Steel blood
within me wherever I go. He was largely okay with that too. He knows that
I am both a Steel and a Jackson.
“You look so beautiful,” he whispers into my ear, my hair tickling
the back my neck. “Amazingly beautiful. I didn’t think it would be
possible.” I chuckle over his shoulder as we hold one another and sway
from side to side, dancing alone in the middle of the room to “Can’t Help
Falling in Love” by Kina Grannis.
 We heard the song in an movie we had gone to see in the theater
one night. We both thought it was a beautiful rendition of the old Elvis
song. It’s so soothing, like a lullaby.
“Well, you don’t look too bad yourself, Mr. Jackson,” I tease him
as I pull my head back to speak to him. It’s just us—just what I wanted.
He looks so handsome in his tuxedo; it fits him to perfection. You
can tell everything was tailored to suit his body type. Most football players
cannot fit into regular clothing, so they get custom made clothes most of the
time. This time, being a special event, was no exception.
“And I cannot wait to slide this gorgeous dress off your perfect
body later on and blow your mind, baby,” he jokes and I throw my head
back to laugh raucously. It’s just us on the dancefloor. The people around us
gathers around to watch the two of us have a cute moment as a couple.
They don’t know how dirty-minded my husband is right now.
“You’ll probably be passed out on the bed later on if TJ has
anything to do with it,” I quip back playfully, knowing that TJ has every
intention of getting Nick as drunk as possible and as quickly as possible.
“And if you puke, you will be spending the first night as a husband alone,” I
tease as I look up into his eyes and see those hunter-green hues glisten
humorously in front of me. I’m lost in them, as per usual.
“That’s why I’m planning to sneak off with you later, so be ready
for the time of your life.” He grins cheekily, showing that panty dropping
dimple on his left cheek that most women die for.
“I’ve already had the time of my life today,” I say seriously as I
caress the back of his head. All jokes aside, it really has hit me just how
happy I am right now; it’s the most memorable day of my life. I want to
stay in the present with him and really enjoy all of it. I want this day to last
as long as it can. I want to cherish all these moments and remember them
forever. I don’t want to rush this.
“Me too.” He leans in for a kiss, to which I gladly accept. We kiss
for a moment, forgetting where we are, until an obnoxious whistle reaches
our ears.
“HEY! Save it for later! There are kids here!” TJ covers Taylor’s
eyes, and his audience gives him his favorite reaction. We both roll our eyes
at him being so . . . TJ, but we wouldn’t change him for anything.
 It took us both until three in the morning before we could finally
get some alone time for ourselves. The celebrations continued on without
us, not that we could protest. We just disappeared from sight so we could go
to our penthouse suite and enjoy our alone time in the best room the hotel
has to offer.
It was hard to miss us leaving. We couldn’t just slip out of our
own wedding celebration without being noticed. We had to talk to some
people as we slowly made our way to the door and out to reception.
We ride the elevator together as he holds the special key that gives
us access to the suite. I hold his hand in mine and rest my head on his
shoulder while I stare at his reflection through the reflective elevator doors.
Nick kisses my head over and over again as he whispers sweet things that
makes me smile both inside and out. It feels surreal to be married to him,
but I’ve also been waiting so long for this day to happen.
It’s the ding that tells us we were ready to walk into our own
world and have it all to ourselves. Nick wraps both of his arms around me
from the back, careful to not step on my dress, as we walk towards our
private sanctuary together.
I open the door and see our clothes had already been unpacked
like we had requested. The bedsheets had also already been spread for us. A
king-sized bed with crisp white sheets and fluffy pillows to match is
beautifully laid out for us. It looks more like a cloud than a bed.
White transparent drapes cover as much of the floor length
windows as it can. The windows overlook the ocean and beach connected to
the hotel. A flatscreen TV is mounted on the wall opposite from our bed,
and the walls around us are painted gray with some paintings hanging at eye
level.
The kisses start on the back of my neck. I immediately feel
aroused just by his touch, my entire body reacts to him like no other. It
knows his touch—knows it very well. Nick’s two hands release their hold
on me and move to my shoulders, taking the straps with them as he brings
them down my arms. A pulse ripples down my body from his delicate
touch. I couldn’t wait for this moment.
We haven’t even turned on the lights to the room yet. It’s just us
and the moonlight.
 I feel the zipper in my side being dragged down. Soon after, my
dress falls to the carpeted floor. The soft material bunches up at my feet. I
step away and turn around to face Nick. I take off my backless bra and
throw it somewhere. I stand in front of him in only my panties.
I have always had issue with showing my body to people. I’m shy,
and always have been, but I’m comfortable with showing it to Nick. I feel
safe with him. I trust him. I can be myself with him, out of shape or in
shape, it doesn’t matter all that much to him.
I start taking off his tuxedo jacket. I push it off his broad,
muscular shoulders and let that accompany my dress on the floor. I then
move on to the buttons of his shirt while he takes his bow tie off. Both of us
couldn’t wait for this moment any longer. My hands are fidgeting, and he
knows that, so he kisses me hungrily and helps me with his shirt until it’s
resting on the floor. I see and feel those abs glistening back to me in the
moonlight. The ripples of his six pack makes my mouth water with
excitement.
I grip the back of his head and kiss him passionately again. My
hands automatically go to release his pants so we could get rid of them. I
can immediately feel his hardness as I’m undressing him. As his pants drop,
he kicks off his shoes and lifts me up without a hitch. We didn’t stop kissing
one another. He lays me gently on the bed and climbs on top of me.
I reach down to get rid of my heels; I take care of the left foot
while he removes the one on my right. Both hungry for one another, we
kick them off the bed and continue where we left off.
Nick hovers over me and adjusts himself so he is ready. He looks
down at my underwear. I know that look on his face. I can tell from his eyes
that he wanted them gone. He kisses the crook of my neck and then keeps
moving down the valley of my breasts, going past my navel to get a grip on
my underwear between his teeth. I can’t help but smile. I lift up my hips as
his hands grasps my butt as he slides the underwear off my hips with his
teeth, pulling them down my legs. It is a sight to behold.
He throws the lingerie to somewhere in the room and, just as he is
coming back up to kiss me, I hook both of my feet onto his underwear so
that when he moves closer his tight black boxers slide down his thighs.
Junior springs to life after being released from his confinement. He kicks
his underwear off his feet and kisses me again, harder.
 I can feel him teasing my entrance, and it makes me crave him.
He knows that we can’t hold out any longer. We’ve been waiting
all day for this. He eases himself in, and I gasp as I adjust to him. Every
time my body adjusts to him, I feel like I’m on cloud nine. I spread my legs
wider so he has better access to me. He thrusts in and out in a perfect
rhythm that has my knees already quaking, the pleasure building up within
me.
I moan out in bliss when he thrusts back inside of me. I can feel
the sensation forming inside of me. I open my eyes and see him already
peering down at me, gently pulling himself out and pushing himself in. His
green eyes glisten with love, and I watch his pupils dilate from how I feel.
The heat from our bodies radiates between us, making the room warmer and
the windows steam up from the inside. My hand reaches to the back for his
head to pull him down for another kiss as he continues.
I’m wet enough for him. I’ve been waiting all day for him to take
me. He looked so damn good in his tuxedo, which made me crave him
during the wedding, but he looks even better naked.
I grip onto his arm and give it a gentle squeeze to let him know
everything feels so good right now. Just from that, he picks up the pace. I
can feel my head spin from the indulgence between us driven by the love
that we share for each other. There is no question in that, especially from
the emotions felt from today.
I moan even louder load as he goes faster and faster. “Oh my
God! Nick!”
The tension in my lower abdomen gets tighter. My head spins
even more intensely than before. We continue to kiss passionately through
our moans and heavy pants. My mind turns blank. All I can feel is him.
Nick’s hand slides underneath me to lift me up and flip us, lying
underneath me. He’s given me control. He sits up so we can keep kissing. I
grind my hips and feel the knot tightening even more. I throw my head
back, feeling the intense pleasure of the switched positions.
“Like that, Carter . . .” Nick takes an erect nipple into his mouth
to heighten my sensitivity. I can feel my sense of pleasure take a sharp
jump. With his hand on my back to pull me closer to him, I continue to
grind my hips and quicken my pace as I feel myself getting closer and
closer. I need this release just as much as he does right now.
 “Fuck,” Nick groans onto my skin and rests his head between my
breasts, now feeling what I have been feeling. I keep the pace at this
intensity and wait for the rush of the most beautiful sensation a couple can
feel when making love to one another.
“Yes . . .” I pant and continue feeling my rise nearly come to an
end, ready to ride the wave. “Yes!” I scream as I feel it nearing and coming
to hit me with all the force it’s got. I welcome it with both arms. I am so
ready for this. I need this feeling of paradise to last all night.
“Don’t stop!” Nick pleads and I indulge his request. I take the
opportunity to speed up my tempo and feel it come to its peak.
I know he does as well, because he’s breathing erratically and is
yelling “Fuck, yes!” I let out a string of moans as my head drops back down
to his face as we enjoy ourselves and ride this out together.
“Yes, yes, yes! OH! GOD!” I continue to thrust my hips to
squeeze out every last drop of pleasure that I can get from my husband. My
entire body shudders above him as I feel the effects of our tryst. Nick’s eyes
are glued shut as I feel every inch of him thrust faster and faster to push this
pleasure out longer. I know he’s releasing inside of me, and it feels
delicious. This is our first time to not use a condom. I’m glad I get to really
feel every inch of him and feel him finish inside of me without worrying.
We’re ready to start our union together and our family.
Once we came down off the high we were on, we remain in our
current position to catch our breaths because we are breathing erratically. I
can feel a pulse rip through my entire body, leaving a tingling sensation all
over me.
We kiss tenderly to complete the moment.
“Perfect—.” He pushes back a loose piece of hair that had fallen
across my face. “You are just so perfect,” he whispers before planting a
warm and affectionate kiss on my lips once more. I collapse next to him on
the bed after riding that high. We lay there in silence, staring at one another
until I start smiling at him.
“What?” he asks, confused as to why I’m smiling.
“We’re married,” I say and bite my lip.
“I love hearing that from you.” He leans his head back in pleasure
after hearing the words. “I cannot believe we actually finally got to this day.
You’re Mrs. Carter Jackson now.” He grins like a child on Christmas day.
“You know what that means.” He shuffles around next to me as he pulls the
sheets over the two of us so we can snuggle to together.
“What?” I ask and rest my head on his shoulder so I can look up
at him.
“That I have to get your new initials and today’s date tattooed
underneath this one.” He points to the left peck that I’m laying my head on.
I adjust myself and lean on my elbow to run my hand over it. I switch my
gaze to him and tilt my head to the side so it’s resting on my shoulder.
“Really?” I ask as I stare back down at the ink and trace my finger
over it.
“Yeah,” he whispers faintly.
I lean down so I can kiss his tattoo and his heart—the heart I fell
hopelessly in love with and will always be in love with.
Tonight is the most perfect start for our relationship as Mr. and
Mrs. Jackson. I couldn’t have asked it to go any better.
After all that we’ve been through, I’m finally with my forever and
ever.

OceanofPDF.com
 EPILOGUE THREE
Carter
The heat from the sun is beginning to burn my skin, even though
we have umbrellas down where we’re camped out. It’s because of the
constant hiding we have to do from the paparazzi around us. I have to move
around a lot to shield myself and the kids.
Danielle, Chris, Haley, TJ, myself, and Nick are all at Clearwater
Beach in Florida. We all decided to do a big family vacation down to the
south during the off season for two weeks. We were originally going to fly
to the Caribbean but then changed our minds at the last minute. We knew
the kids wouldn’t appreciate it as much now, only when they’re much older.
Mainly, all the kids wanted to go to Disneyland because none of
them have had the chance because of busy schedules and events. It was
hard to coordinate everyone’s schedule but we made it work. They have
been so excited since Chris mentioned “Disney.” They got so hyper for it, it
became difficult to keep them settled during the flight. We just couldn’t say
no to them.
We went to the theme park yesterday for the very first time, and
they were all so unbelievably excited to see Mickey and the gang. Taylor
adored the princesses and the rides that she was tall enough to get on. The
younger munchkins mainly stayed at the outdoor play centers that was next
to the restaurants so we could keep an eye on them.
The good thing about the park is that it caters to kids of all ages,
so they have a wide variety of options to choose. The adults that went really
enjoyed the day out, especially when they got to see the happy faces of the
kids. All in all, was a great day trip for us.
I am currently lying in the sun, watching people around us take
photos of us and acting like we can’t see them, mainly photos of the guys
on the beach. I’ve become so accustomed to it, Nick just ignores it as best
as he can.
I understand that Nick, Chris, and TJ are famous because of the
sport that they play—their faces are everywhere with sponsorships and
endorsement deals—but sometimes, I just want some alone time with my
family and friends. I’m normally fine with it, but I really don’t like it when
the kids can be seen. I want to be able to keep them out of the media as
much as possible. I want to keep their privacy as much as I can until they
are old enough to make their own decisions.
I have my beige sun hat on to block the rays as best as I can and
also to block the pictures being taken of me in my lilac bathing suit and
black sandals. I brought a ton of snacks, water, and sun block for everyone,
too, so we’ve covered all the bases.
I’m distracted with keeping my eye on everyone as they play with
each other in the sun-baked beach.
Below me, I feel a small hand tug on my towel with all the
strength he has in him to get my attention.
“Hey, buddy,” I say down to him. He pulls himself up using the
support of the sunbed I’m on and stands up so he’s a little more level with
me. “You building Mama a great big sandcastle?” I ask my son, Aiden.
His bright, whispy blond hair flies around with the gentle breeze. I
lift him up so his feet are on my thighs and place him down on top of me.
That big devilish grin of his is just like his dad’s, dimples included.
I can’t help it sometimes. He looks exactly the same as Nick was
as a kid. My child is full of energy, just like his dad.
He loves the football that his uncles gave him for his recent
birthday when he turned two. Ever since he got it, he never puts it down.
His dad, uncles, and granddads have already started training him, and
scouting is about to begin.
With his yellow swim trunks on and his adorable grin, I know my
boy will break a few hearts when he’s older. I sometimes cannot keep up
with him. Every time I bring him out, he starts running and I have to go and
catch him. At least Nick is always on the ball with him.
Like father, like son, right?
“You like building sandcastles?” I bounce him on my legs and he
starts to giggle.
 “Football.” He points at the ball resting in the sand in its netted
bag.
“You want to play some football?” I ask him and sigh to myself. I
know he’ll climb off me anyway if I wasn’t going to get up from the bed. I
lift him up into my arms and then go up from the bed. I wander over to the
netted bag where all the toys and play things are, including his football.
I crouch down and reach inside the bag to get it for him. Once I
hand it to him, he smiles happily. I walk him over to TJ, who is busy with
the twins, Reece and Logan, who are just shy of four years of age. They
look almost exactly like TJ, it’s crazy. Logan is wild while Reece is very
shy, but both kids have one thing in common: they are very athletic, just
like their dad.
We call them “running backs in training.” They have TJ’s power
and drive when they play the game. They just constantly run all the time,
especially away from you when you’re trying to get a hold of them.
“Throw it and you will be in time out, you hear m—LOGAN! I
mean it!” TJ has become such a great dad. His kids adore him because he’s
still partially a child himself.
Logan is a little rough around the edges at times, but he has a
great mom to keep an eye on him. Sometimes, she doesn’t even have to be
around him to know he’s up to no good. There’s no better woman for the
job.
“LOGAN! Put it down now! You heard Daddy!” Haley yells over
her magazine in a no-nonsense tone that the kids don’t ever mess with.
Logan drops the shell that he was about to throw at his brother. I snort, and
TJ smiles once he turns around to see me coming closer with Aiden in my
arms.
“Look who it is.” He grins and tickles Aiden under his chin,
making him chuckle loudly in my arms. “The newest Chargers quarterback.
You got your football all ready to go, buddy?” TJ points to the ball in his
hands. Aiden squirms out of my arms and I set him down on the sand gently
and prepare myself for him to take off. He races into the ocean, where his
dad and sister are swimming around.
The first thing I did once the kids could walk was put them in
swimming lessons. I don’t want my fear to get to them. I have mastered the
pool but not the ocean as of yet. It took me years to get the hang of it, and
I’m still practicing. I don’t swim with my head under the water, but I can
swim in the deep end of the pool now.
“Wait for it. He’ll be back out and ready to run around the beach
with his uncles and cousins covered in sand,” I huff. TJ rests a hand on his
chest and laughs.
“I can swap you Logan,” he offers and I snort, brushing the hair
off my face.
“Not a chance,” I say and bump his shoulder. I wiggle my toes so
that they sink into the damp sand we’re both standing on, keeping an eye on
the kids.
I can see Riley, our daughter, playing with Nick and Taylor in the
ocean. Nick gave a lot of time to Taylor ever since they met. Taylor loves
spending time with him, and Nick sometimes takes her and Riley out for
dinner and ice cream to spend time with them, seeing as they’re the only
girls in the family. They’re outnumbered with four little boys.
I look at my watch to see what time it is; it’s already lunch time.
“You guys hungry?” I ask TJ.
“Starving,” TJ responds while keeping an eye on Logan. He’s a
lot to handle but is exactly like his mother. He’s a good kid, just crazy at
times, often at the wrong moment. He just gets bored far too easily, that’s
the problem. He’s always wanting to do something else, trying something
different, be somewhere else. He cannot sit still. “Right, bud?” TJ strokes
Reece’s, the younger of the twins, head as he makes his way over closer to
his dad.
“I got some food ordered from the restaurant. It’ll come down in
the next few minutes, that good?” I bend down to speak to Reece, who is
super shy. “I got you some nuggets and pasta with some butter.” I smile and
he grins back at me once he knows I got his favorite right. “And you,
mister”—I face his twin, who is busy collecting shells in the sand—“I got
you mozzarella sticks with red sauce and some breaded chicken strips with
ranch and honey mustard sauce.” Those series of words hypnotizes them,
until Nick comes out of the water.
“Chris!” Nick yells at my brother and holds up the football. “TJ?”
He does the same to his best friend. I know what’s about to begin. They’re
all going to play some beach football with the kids.
 “I’ll get the food ready.” I roll my eyes and begin to walk back to
the sunbeds where Danielle is now sitting with her book in hand,
completely soaked from having a dip in the water.
“You can always come and play?” TJ teases me as Riley comes up
to my side.
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to embarrass you guys,” I joke back as I
walk with Riley back to the sunbeds. “You going to play, sweetie?” I ask
her and she nods. I can see the sun has been beating down hard on her, her
shoulders are beginning to turn a shade of bright pink.
“Yeah.” She’s breathing heavily because she’s trying to catch up
with me after being in the water with Nick and Taylor for most of the day.
“I need to put more sunblock on your shoulders, okay? Just five
minutes while you catch your breath.” I chuckle at the wet hair stuck to her
red cheeks, tired from playing with Nick and her cousin in the ocean. She
loves the water. If I can’t find her in the house, she’s most definitely in the
pool. She is going to be one tired little girl later on tonight, and so will
Aiden, but that makes them sleep better.
“Okay.” She exhales. She doesn’t want to do it but she knows it’ll
hurt even more if she doesn’t put more on.
“Nick, I need to put some sunscreen on your shoulders and back
too!” I walk past both of them to get the cream from the bag that has been
kept out of the sun.
I wipe away the water from her shoulders with the towel so the
sunblock sticks better and spray some across Riley’s shoulders. I lift up
each strap of her bathing suit to get underneath too. I wipe her dark-blonde
hair to the side as I try to get it everywhere for her so she can play the
game. “Give it two minutes, okay? It needs time to dry,” I tell her before
she’s allowed to do anything. She sits on the bed with Taylor as they drink
some water.
“Nick!” I call him over and turn my finger around to tell him to
turn his back to me. I spray a smaller amount on him, enough to get the job
of protecting his skin done. He’s always telling me how much he doesn’t
need sunscreen but I don’t listen to it. I still coat him with it and tell him to
deal with it. He’ll thank me when he’s older.
I rub the cream onto his back, making sure I cover him enough as
I feel the heat radiate from the burn on his upper back and shoulders. I
reach up and kiss him on the back on his neck to tell him he’s good to go
with letting it dry.
Chris is down near shore, setting the sand up for the mini football
game they’re all going to play. The girls in the family all give them a run
for their money too. Once the kids are ready, teams were picked.
Nick, Aiden, Logan, and Chris versus TJ, Taylor, Riley, and
Reece.
Little Colton Steel is only a little shy of six months old, so can’t
play with the older kids or be around them too much. He is always clinging
on to Danielle’s hip. Right now, he’s resting in his portable bed beside his
mom.
Colton was a bundle of joy when he was born. I couldn’t wait to
meet him. He’s a good kid but he’s always in places he shouldn’t be in.
Colton is the very definition of a curious child. A mini Chris, some might
say.
Danielle continues to reach her hand across to the bed and rocks
him ever so gently to coax him back to sleep thanks to the hustle and bustle
the older kids were making.
“HIKE!” Nick yells and snatches the ball, handing it off to Aiden
so he can run, although a little unsteady, to the end zone for the first
touchdown of the game. I just know Nick is going to get him into a junior
football team when he gets older despite me warning him to let him make
the choice. I have a feeling he’ll be following in his father’s footsteps
anyway. It’s in the kid’s blood from both sides of the family.
All the kids run around to get their hands on the ball before he
reaches the end zone, but he has the protection of his dad and Uncle Chris.
TJ doesn’t even bother to take the shine away from Aiden. When his little
legs finally reach the line, he throws it down on the sand and raises both
hands up to celebrate. A massive cheer lets out before they start it all over
again. Haley calls for the ball to come back to the center for another round
as referee of the game.
It isn’t long until the food I had ordered for everyone arrives.
Large platters for the adults to share with a concoction of cocktails in large
pitchers and smaller, individualized meals for the kids were coming down
one by one. The waiters start to lay the dishes out on the small canopy table
that is located behind us in the shade that we have rented for the day.
 We wanted a place where we can cool quickly while still being
quite private. We can draw the dark curtains to shield us from the cameras. I
offer to help them out as more hands are better with this sort of thing.
I separate the food and drinks for the adults and kids on the large
table for the whole family.
Once it’s ready, I call for everyone to stop the game and come
over for some lunch. The kids race each other. Thankfully, they don’t fall
over in the process. I place them in their seats and bring a highchair next to
Danielle in case Colton wakes up and is hungry. When she brings him over
with her, he’s crying after having been woken up from his nap. She starts
gently bouncing him up and down to try and soothe him.
“Alright, you guys need anything else?” the waiter standing next
to me with trays under their arm asks.
“No, I think you managed to remember everything. Thank you.” I
smile just as the men joins us while Haley attends to the twins, warning
Logan to behave as Reece stands silently next to his mother, holding her
hand.
“You’re welcome. If you need anything, just push the button and
someone will be right over.” He nods before leaving. I thank him once more
before I feel two big arms wrap around my hips from behind me. The owner
plants a large kiss on my cheek.
“Thank you for organizing this, little one.” I smile at the deepness
of Nick’s voice and the fact he used my special nickname. He’s tired, and I
can tell by how out of breath he is. The sun has been beating down on
everyone today. There will be a few sleepy heads over at dinner tonight. If
anyone wants to have an nap in the shade later after lunch they can. There
are shaded lounge chairs in our canopy that can be extended if needed.
“No problem,” I whisper and turn my head around to kiss him on
the lips. “But you need to stay hydrated today. It’s hot out there and I don’t
think I’ve seen you or the girls drink enough. I don’t want anyone getting a
sunstroke.” I point to his seat where some energy drinks with electrolytes
are. I specifically ordered these for the guys since they’re in the sun more
with the kids. I ordered extra drinks to put in the cooler for later on, too, just
to keep the hydration levels up. “You barely drank anything all day.” I kiss
him once more before we walk around to sit in our seats. The adults are at
one end while the kids are at the other. We’re keeping a close eye on them,
though.
“I will. Thank you for taking care of me, like always.” A small
kiss is planted on my temple as a sign that he is grateful for the food and
drinks. He rubs my back before taking his seat, sighing in delight as he
does.
“Is this the blue lagoon one?” Haley points to the blue cocktail
pitcher I ordered for all of us to have along with many others.
“Yes, and that one is the margarita and that’s the red fire dragon
that you tried the other night and liked, Chris.” He grunts with happiness,
his mouth full of nachos, as he fist bumps the air. Danielle sends a deadpan
look my way in response to her husband’s silliness.
Nick’s hand finds its home as he rests it on my inner thigh, like he
has always done since we reconnected and started to date again. It’s his
thing, and I’m not entirely sure he realizes he’s doing it. I’ve never pointed
it out to him. He’ll be conscious about it and would stop doing it. I don’t
want that.
Once the kids settle from their loud and raucous banter, the
silence is comforting. Everyone is enjoying their food. I know they are a
hungry bunch of kids, the husbands included. As I look around the table, I
enjoy the sight of all the kids getting along and all the adults eating while
keeping a watchful eye on them. It’s peaceful, like most times we all sit
together. When food is involved, it’s sometimes easier to manage people.
After the kids finish eating, all hell breaks loose, but I relish in the
limited time of serenity. Even if they can be a pain, I also relish the time
kids are just being . . . well, kids. They all grow up so fast, and I want good
memories for them.
We all have our own families, kids, problems, memories, and
more. We all help one another out. We’re all family here, and that’s the way
it’ll always be. The Jacksons, the Steels, and the Andersons, we’re one big
package deal. You get one, you get us all.
The adults stay at the table and continue to eat, everyone helps
themselves to the meal made by the beach shack behind us. There is a good
variety of options for the kids, which is great because some of them are
picky eaters.
 We rarely do this sort of thing. Vacationing is hard to do with
others due to time and commitments, but I know when it happens, everyone
enjoys themselves. I’m glad we were able to do this, its brought us all even
closer than we were before.
This is one of the days I will never forget. It’s so simple, but I
have really enjoyed it along with being here with everyone I love. I have
Nick, Aiden, and Riley with me. That’s all I could ever want in my life, but
having my extended family here as well makes it even better. Pure and true
happiness comes from them, despite having the ability to drive me crazy,
but I like a little crazy—life would be so boring otherwise.
If there is one thing that I can tell you, being married with kids
and being able to spend this time with all of my family who were once
friends, and even strangers to me at one point, is priceless. I wouldn’t trade
this moment for anything.
I’ve learned that every relationship you will have will have its ups
and downs. It’s part of life, you just have to choose if it’s all worth it to you
at the end of the day. If you want to fight for it or if you want to walk away,
that’s your choice and nobody else’s.
We all make mistakes—we’re human at the end of the day, so we
shouldn’t criticize each other so harshly, but we still do when there are
feelings involved. There’s no perfect way to handle that. The best way that
I’ve dealt with it is to remember the human part of a person and treat them
with the kindness you have. I’m still learning all of this, and still have a
long way to go, just like everyone. What I’ve learned growing up is what
I’m trying to instill in my own kids. I want them to understand love when
they come to that age and not to be afraid of it.
One day, I will tell them story about me and Nick and show them
that it’s not easy being in love. It takes work, resilience, and a lot of
patience.
So, the advice I would give them is, as cliché as it all sounds, stay
true to yourself and your character because it will serve you in time. You
will find the right person for you if you do. You will be comfortable in who
you are as an individual and who you are as a couple. You’ll have your
highs and lows. In a relationship, it’s not you versus them. It’s the two of
you as a couple versus the problem. It's how you work together—you’re a
team.
 Following those nuggets of advice has worked out well for me,
and I hope it’ll one day serve my kids well.

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 CHAPTER ONE

I step into the hotel, my expensive dress and mask on. I

feel like Cinderella, minus the whole “Prince Charming” thing, but
the night is young.
There are so many authentic rich people. I start to shift in
my place.
But I quickly find my seat—well, June’s seat. Hopefully,
no one will notice me.
Of course, someone notices me. A tall tanned man sits
beside me, his hazel eyes trained on me.
He says nothing, drinking as the night went on and the
music playing in the background. Even as people get up and dance,
he and I are the only ones sitting at the table, pristine white
tablecloth in front of us.
“Mr Percy, would you care to dance?”
I won’t dare investigate the sultry voice. No. Instead, I
keep my gaze straight on the band, pretending to be engrossed in
the seemingly rhythmless beat.
“Mr Percy?” the woman asks again.
Finally, he responds, his voice knotted my belly.
“No, thank you.”
“O-Oh. Next time then.”
“Perhaps.”
 His accent made the area between my thighs tingle with
desire.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
I finally look his way. His mask is black and elegant with
silver swirls accentuating his dark eyes.
“Call me . . . Jessie.”
He raises a perfectly arched brow. “Jessie?” he says
slowly. “I like it.”
I smile softly, saying nothing else.
He averts his attention and says nothing else for some
time.
“It’s dull here,” he says, glancing at me again.
I swallow. “Why don’t you dance?”
“I’m not a dancer,” he replies shortly.
I nod, and he looks away.
“I’m Benjamin, by the way. Benjamin Percy.”
I snort.
His lips tug up. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve just never heard a more posh name in my
life.”
He smirks. “Well, my parents are posh people.”
I smile. “Was that rude?”
He shrugs. “Maybe, but it was funny. And true.”
I chuckle, and so does he. I look away, tucking my hair
behind my ear. I clear my throat, not knowing how to sustain the
conversation.
“It’s hot in here,” he remarks lowly. “Wanna take a drink
out to the balcony? Get some fresh air?”
I nod. “Sure, that sounds like fun.”
He stands, adjusting his tux before holding out his hand.
Holy shit. This is some real prince charming shit right
here.
 I take it, and I grab my glass as he leads me to the
balcony.
I briefly wonder if he’s gonna throw me off. Because rich
people are snobby, misunderstood, or according to the TV show I
have watched, killers.
There is no in-between.
So far, I’ve never encountered the last. I guard my drink
just in case.
“So, Jessie, are you liking the ball so far?”
I shrug. “It’s nice.” The cool air surrounds me.
I sneeze. Holy fuck, it’s freezing out here.
“Here.” He takes his jacket off, wrapping it around my
shoulders.
And it’s a nice gesture really. But this jacket is as thin as
my patience, and this kind does nothing against the cold.
Smells nice though.
“Thank you,” I say, smiling.
He smiles back.
We stand on the balcony, and I keep my hand over my
drink, slightly away from him.
I’m not getting drugged tonight. Rich people are always
deviant too. They have money for sex dungeons and the side rooms
for torture or crazy sex stuff.
“So what family are you from?”
I clear my throat. “No one you’ve heard of. As you can
see, I’m standing in.”
He smiles. “Obviously.”
Obviously? What do I smell like? Broke? What the fuck
does he mean obviously?
He seems to pick up on my irritation and corrects
himself. “I just meant if you were old money, I’d know you. High
society rules.”
 “High on something,” I murmur.
He chuckles uproariously.
I like it. He has a nice laugh. He also has a nice ass.
“So what’s your impression of the ball?” he asks.
“The food was alright.” I shrug.
“Yeah. Well, you pay a lot for things that sound fancy but
taste like shit. I’d rather eat McDonald’s,” he quips.
“Really? Wouldn’t you prefer escargot? Caviar? Things
you have to develop a taste for?”
He shakes his head. “Listen, let me tell you something.
Anytime someone says you have to develop a taste for something,
it means it’s nasty, and you just have to get used to it.”
I giggle. “Well, now I know.”
He smiles, his dimples poking through.
Oh, he is . . .
“Jessie?” he says lowly, moving closer.
“Uh-huh?” I whisper, moving in as well.
“It may be the champagne or the crappy music, but . . . I
really want to kiss you. Are you amenable to that?”
I nod breathlessly. This is my Cinderella moment; to kiss
the man I’ll never see again except once upon a dream.
“Yes,” I whisper.
He leans in, placing his lips on mine ever so gently. It’s
beautiful. I feel the electricity flowing through me, buzzing on my
fingertips.
He leans in more, pulling me deeper into his embrace as
if he couldn’t get enough. Hell, I couldn’t get enough.
He pulls back. “I completely understand if you say no to
my proposition because it’s impolite and inappropriate, especially
for the time we’ve known each other, which spans all of . . . sixty
minutes? But would you like—”
 “To go to your house where we can have sex until the
morning after, which I’ll call a cab, and we’ll never see each other
again?” I finish. “Absolutely.”
He smiles. “Then it’s settled. Let’s get going.”
“I left my purse at the seat,” I tell him.
“We’ll grab it on the way out. It’s not like we can jump
off the balcony.” He grins.
“Oh. True.”
He chuckles, taking my hand. We hustle past the seat
where he smoothly grabs my bag, and we get out, waiting for a cab.
I take off my mask, hoping he will do the same. I briefly
consider he could be a serial killer and that this is kinda slutty,
having known him for not even an hour, but at least let me look at
my prince charming before he turns into my killer.
I glance over at him. I’d say I’m a good judge of
character, but . . . my exes don’t agree. There’s like a fifty-fifty
chance I’ll have good sex.
But the other fifty percent is like . . . death.
So . . .
“You okay? It’s alright if you don’t want to go through
with this. Please don’t feel pressured.” He smiles soothingly,
untying his mask.
I look up at him. Damn. “I’m just considering whether
you’re just an attractive ax-murderer.”
He chuckles lowly. “If you don’t feel safe, I can just take
you home.”
I shake my head. “No, I want to have sex with you.”
“Would you prefer we stop at a third-party location?
Perhaps a hotel?” he suggests.
He hails an approaching cab, letting me in first.
He acts so fucking rich. It is either irritating or attractive,
but I can’t tell which.
 “Um . . .”
“I’d pay of course.”
I frown. “I could pay.”
“I have no doubt. But of the two of us, I’m certain I’ve
access to a bit more funds.”
Well . . . what the fuck ever.
“Hm . . . you don’t know my bank account.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “I think we should take you
h—”
I kiss him. Maybe he’ll kill me. But isn’t that what we all
need? A little death? I’m a millennial; I’ve been wishing for death
since I was born.
This is fine.
“This is fine,” I explain.
He tilts his head. “Are you sure? Take your time. Think it
over.”
I nod resolutely. “I want to do this.”

If you enjoyed this sample, look for

Sweet Like Honey
on Amazon.

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 AUTHOR’S NOTE

Thank you so much for reading Steeling Her! I can’t express how
grateful I am for reading something that was once just a thought
inside my head.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the book. Please leave a review
on Amazon or Goodreads because I just love reading your
comments and getting to know you!

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Ashley Constantine
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 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ashley Constantine is an engineer from Dublin. While it is

a very technical role, she has always had a creative side to her. She
likes photography, painting, drawing, reading romance novels, and
watching movies. She also spends her time writing in order to
create another world.

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