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CHAPTER 1

The soil came in contact with the designed wooden box. They
sang their heart out as I went on my knees and I touched the
soil. It wasn't bad. He wasn't a bad man at all , he tried his best
and so did I but our hearts weren't in it but we stuck together.I
pull my shoal together and run my fingers on the soil. It's good
that I suggested he should have a funeral cover. Now he is
buried in dignity in such a place. I stand up from the ground and
dust myself.
“Woza Makoti( Come )” My mother in law pulls me away from
his last place of rest.
Dabula my husband was laid to rest today. After being sick for
2 years he is now at rest from all the pain and misery of this
world. I have been married to him for 10 years , I was young
when we got married but my mother always said“You will Love
him like I loved your father” Did I love him? No I didn't love him
but cared for him so much, he also loves someone else but his
last words ring in my head. “I have always loved you ” Loved me
? I only know Love from one man and it's not my father nor God
above us. I am not referring to them. I am referring to the man I
left years ago. The man who I truely love and haven't let go of
him in these years. I have always hoped we will get back
together. We promised to love each other till we do , is he dead
? I hope not. Last time I saw him he was in Msinga and I have to
go back home. My home where I was born.
We move towards the mud house and get inside. I am sat on a
chair in the kitchen and my sister in law prepares a meal for me
and gives it to me. She smiles lightly
“Eat so you can gain energy” she says and I nod.
I pull the plate towards myself and I start eating. Dabula back
then was son to Induna of Nongoma, they were rich in cattle
and also land but his father died and everything faded. I believe
that he went to a Sangoma to obtain those riches. How could
they fade so quickly? I stayed after that. We became close and
he needed me then and I was always there for him. My father
doesn't know anything from this family or if I am fine. All he
knows is that I am married here. If a phone call hasn't came in
to inform him of my departure from earth then it doesn't
concern him.
I push the plate away and Ciyela looks at me, she wants to
speak but something is holding her back.
“Makoti ” My mother in law walks inside the house and comes
and stands Infront of me.
“Are you ok ?” I nod while smiling lightly
“Yes I am mah ” she nods.
“We are your family. You know that ” she says
“Yes ”
“I made food for you Mah, Chiliza is serving the people from far
” Ciyela says. Chiliza is her twin sister.
“Thank you ” she sits down next to me and eats.
___________
I am packing the clothes away, his working clothes slowly into a
big suitcase given by his mother. I take the photo from my bed
and I look at it. I remember this photo of us. I was young back
then and he is the first man to show me love , I held on it. I
remember Afika taking this one. I wonder if he has grown,
ofcause he has ! He was two years older than me. The camera
that took our last pictures , I wonder where it is. I sit on the bed
and I look at the picture and run my fingers on it. I have kept it
well over the years. Will he remember me if I seek him? Would
he have moved on as well ? I sigh and put the photo in my bag
and I stand up carrying on with packing away Dabula 's clothes
and his things. I only have one way to find my answers and that
is finding him wherever he is.
I put the suitcase full of Dabula's clothes on the floor and I push
it under the bed. I went to switch off the lights and got on it. I
looked at the roof and I turn to the side and look at the empty
space where my husband should be. He just fell sick for years
without any knowledge of what it is and then he dies. I hope he
finds peace where ever he is going and remembers to be a
great ancestor over his mother and sisters. I close my eyes and
let sleep consume me.

The morning came and I woke up very early. I went to get some
wood while Ciyela went to fetch water. I started collecting as
much as I can. My phone rang from my boobs and I took it out ,
it's my sister. I don't want to talk to her,Since she married
someone from the city she always wants to bring me down in
order to boost herself. Her husband works at a tire shop and
they live in a nice brick house in the city of Durban. It has 4
rooms and she always tells me about it. I look at the ringing
phone before answering.
“Dade ( sister)” she says.
“Dadewethu , Kuhamba kanjani ?( Sister , how are you ?)”
“I am ok , I heard about Dabula. Sorry” I nod.
It's ok , they didn't even come to the funeral. I felt embarrassed
yesterday but now I have let that go. They are still my family
“Its life. We just need to take it as it is ” I say
“My husband bought me a dress yesterday. Ayibizi kanje. R200(
it's expensive,R200)” I smile.
“I am happy for you ”
“Has Dabula bought you anything once since you married him
?” I never bothered with clothes or anything. I knew his
situation and him working at the farm was for us to eat. That's
all.
“Cha ( No )”
“Yoh Ubunomnyeni boh( you had a husband )” she says
impolitely.
“He was a hard working man. That counts ” it does .
“Yes. I have to go ke, ugade inkukhu lapho ( guard the
chickens)”
She hangs up. I sigh after and take the wood that I have and tie
it up together. I walk back home. Ciyela is already there with
the water. I start the fire and boil the water. I walk inside the
house and Chiliza is cleaning. My mother in law is drinking tea
quiet slowly.
“Mama ” I say and she looks at me.
“I need to go back home ” I say and she looks sad, she places
her tea on the little kitchen table.
“Do we ill treat you ?” I shake my head.
“No, I would like to go home ” I say
“Ok” she smiles faintly.
“If you will visit me ” she adds. I nod
“I will ”
“You are leaving us ? ” Chiliza says. She is the emotional one
and I know she will cry soon.
“No, I will come back” I need to find the love of my life. Nothing
is holding me back now.
“Ok” she wipes her tears. I hug her and she smiles and hugs me
back, I was blessed with this family.

I went to take the water and bathed after I was done I got
dressed. I picked out my best black dress and I put a head wrap
on my hair and I wear my pumps. I look nice as well. Descent as
well. I take the little plastic and check my money. It will take me
to Msinga or will I just go to Durban. I search for my journal and
I wrote down his number back then when I left. I have tried it
over the years and it never went through “The number you
have dialed does not exist ” the White lady says. I sigh and go
through the addresses and I found one to the taxi rank. I should
hop out there. It's in Durban that I know. Ok that means I am
going there , I pack my things and I take my bags and I walk out
of the bedroom. They look at me and Sadness clouds them.
Ciyela comes and hugs me.
“Take care of yourself sisi”
“I am going to find him ” I whisper in her ear and she smiles.
“Go then , don't forget about me ” she says
“I won't. I will call” she nods. I have always found it easy to talk
to her about the man I love.
They accompany me out and my mother in law gave me the
little she has and I thank her. We walk to go and catch a taxi. I
get one and I hop inside when and they gave me my bags and
waved good bye and I did the same. I will miss them surely.
I looked out of the window as the taxi drove off , the scorching
sun burning me from the window side and the lady next to me
pressing me by the window but I didn't care. It's finding him
that's all I want.
__________
“Asambe asambe sisi wami !( let's go , let's go my sister )” one
of the driver's help this lady with her bags,.
I have gotten off in Durban but I don't know where I should
really go , I am here yes. I am at the taxi rank and by luck I got
off here. I have my little leather suitcase that was once my
mother's
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I hold my bag close to myself. I have the journal in my hands so
I wouldn't be lost. I kept on walking through the whole taxi rank
looking for him. His family owned Taxi's so I assume this is why
he gave me this address Incase he moved from where he was.
“Can I help you ?” The guy asks and I shake my head. I keep on
walking around like I am crazy.
I sigh and stop where I am, I feel tired and it was a really long
journey from home to here, the sun will settle soon if I don't
find him and I would be stranded here. My sister once made it
clear that we shouldn't visit her so I don't have an option at
all.
“Sorry, Sisi ume endleleni yami ( you are standing in my way)”
someone taps my shoulder and I turn.
“Cholo ? ” oh my goodness, He has grown.
“Afika. ” he hugs me and I do as well. He is muscular as well, we
let go of each other. Our camera man .
“What are you doing here ? I thought you were in Nongoma”
he says.
“I am here for Ntozakhona ”
“Oh, it has been years” he says
“I know” he places his hand in his pocket.
“I was on my way to his house dropping a taxi off. I can take
you there ” he suggests.
“Really ?” I feel excited and he nods smiling a bit.
“You have grown ”
“Yes”
“Come ” he takes my bag and I follow after him.
He whistles to some taxi driver and before he gets me inside
the taxi and I thank him. I pull my dress down as I have sat and
he got inside the taxi. He started it and drove off while hooting
for people to move out of the way.
“You were in Pietermaritzburg the last time I remember” I say.
“Yeah, Sikelela got married so I had to move here. He is with
Qiniso and Sakhile ” he says.
“Oh , I saw Nazo is also married and a Minister.” he nods.
“Yeah” I want him to tell me if Ntozakhona is married as well or
not.
“Sikelela and Nazo are married. ” I nod. I guess it means he
isn't.
He moves his eyes from the road and looks at me.
“Why are you wearing black clothes?” he asks
“My husband passed on , I have to” I say, he nods.
“How did they treat you ?” well , very well.
“They are a nice family ” I say . He nods.
“Afika...”
“Cholo”
“I still love him. Is it bad?” I ask. He is silent for a moment.
“I don't know. We will see Cholo” I nod.
There is silence inside the taxi, he stops at the garage to fill it up
and he pays before driving off. His phone rings and he takes it
then answer. I look outside the window looking at the buildings
we are passing by. He hangs up after some time and plays some
radio and it's fading the silence away. We get in a nice
neighbourhood and I looked at the houses. I smile while
looking. He parks once we are inside the yard and we both get
out. I am holding my bags close to me. I follow after him as he
walks off. He just opens the door and walks inside. I wipe my
feet and take off my shoes before stepping on the cold tiles. He
places the keys on the coffee table. I look around the house.
“Bafo !” he shouts. My heart is beating very fast.
What will expect , will he recognise me ? A beautiful lady comes
down the stairs with a gown on and has a blind fold over her
eyes. She puts her hands on her hips looking a bit angry.
“Why are you shouting in my house?” she says.
“Where is Ntozakhona ?” Afika asks.
“He had to go to Pietermaritzburg quickly. He will be back
tomorrow”
Afika curses under his breath and the lady looks at me.
“Who is this ?” she frowns. I hold my bags tightly.
“She is Cholo. She just came , accomodate her. I will be back
when Ntozakhona is back”
“This is not a charity house ! ” she shouts as he walks out.
I am rooted where I am. Her eyes land on me.
“Sit down ” she says and I go and sit down on the couch.
“Listen here wena farm julia. This is my house , what I say goes.
I am in need of a new maid or you go home ” she says.
I don't have enough money to go back home.
“I...I don't have money ”
She is silent.
“Ok, you will work for it. You will be my maid neh?” I nod. I
don't want to disrespect her , I was never groomed and taught
in that manner.
“Go and clean this whole house. ” she walks up the stairs
stomping her feet. I breath out as she walks away.
I take out my phone and use the little airtime I have and I call
Ciyela and tell her about my arrival. She asks me if I have met
Ntozakhona and I tell her that he is away but he is married. It
feels like daggers have been stabbed in my heart. I tell her I will
come back as soon as I have some money. We finish the call
and I sat there for a while.
_________
Breakfast , the most important meal of the day, I made some
porridge firstly. She gave me a uniform and it's blue and white,
she hasn't said anything either than telling me what she eats.
When she said she wants a Farm house breakfast everything
went blank. I don't know what that is so I stuck to porridge. I
close the pot once I am done and turn the heat down.
“Nelly !” a manly voice frightens me. It's coming from the
lounge area.
I go and peak and he is standing there placing his keys. He
rushes up the stairs, My heart skips a beat and I smile. He is just
as I remember him. Grown and more like his father. I stood
there by the corner and watched him disappear. I bursted out
of my little bubble and went back to working. I dish up the
porridge and the Madam of the house comes down the stairs ,
she is dressed and looks wonderful. She places her bag on the
counter and she takes an apple.
“You are useless you know that. I said I wanted eggs , bacon,
sausages not this shit !” she hits the pot and it spills the
porridge on the floor.
“I am going to fire you and you will be stranded. ” I swallow.
“I want the curtains washed and everything in this house !” I
nod.
“Ye..yes ”
“Yes inja yini wena ?!( Dog)”
“Yes Mam” I say. She clicks her tongue and takes her bag
walking off.
I went to take the cleaning supplies and I started with cleaning
the floor and the whole kitchen once again.
I went to take out the curtains. It's quiet early and I haven't
seen him since I got a glimpse of him. I put the curtains in the
bathtub and soaked them. I went in the two bedrooms and I
took them out as well. I was singing while cleaning, I should call
MaNdawonde When I am done cleaning. I am sure she was
worried about my departure. I finally took them out and was
about to get down but the chair moved and someone caught
me.
“Hey easy there , you might break your bones...”
I look at him and he puts me down but his eyes are still fixed on
me. I look away
“Thank you , let me carry on with work” I move away from him.
“Cholo” I stop and I turn to him.
“What are you do... Can you see me ?” I can see him properly. I
know him clearly and I want to touch him.
“I am sorry” I walk off and hold the curtains close to me as I feel
a lump in my throat.
“Wait ” He is behind me. He stops Infront me and he is
examining me for a moment.
“Mp...” he stops himself from saying it. I know what he will say
and I want to hear him saying it. He places his hands in the
short pockets that he is wearing. My eyes wonder off as well.
“I am engaged” that's all he says after long silence. I plaster a
faint smile while I felt a lump in my throat.
He has moved on and he loves her , he wouldn't marry
someone he doesn't love unlike myself.
“I am sorry” he says.
“I...” I couldn't speak. My voice was breaking, I move away from
him and go to the bathroom to wash the curtains. I close the
door and I sob softly as I am washing.
I want to go home now. He has moved on and I got my
answers, I should've let go of the love I have for him 10 years
ago.
CHAPTER 2

I didn't hate him , no I could never. What was I expecting really

? All I want to do is go back home. Did my father benefit from
me getting married to Dabula ? No he didn't gain anything but I
gained a wonderful family , more than mine. I look at the white
ceiling and I sigh. My phone rings and I sit up from my bed. I
take it out , it's MaNdawonde , Dabula's mother. I sigh before I
answer the phone.
“Mama ”
She breaths out and starts chanting the Ngwenya clan names ,
praising them.
“Oh I was worried. When are you coming back ? ” she asks. I
don't know.
“I don't know Mah” I didn't want to worry her. I want to go
back KwaNongoma and stay there.
“I miss you my child ” she says. I wish she was my mother. I
wish my mother was still alive.
“I miss you too” I say
“Let me not keep you then. I will call when I have airtime ” she
says
“Ok , thank you ” she hangs up.
A knock on the door came. I was staying at the outside room.
Just R200 and I am gone back home, I don't want to be held
here and cause conflict in this house hold. I went to open and
it's Afika.
“I want to go home ”
He looks at me.
“Cholo ...”
“You should've told me at the taxi rank ” I say , I wouldn't be
disappointed.
“I am sorry. I thought it would be wonderful if you see each
other ” it's not wonderful , not wonderful at all.
“Its not ” I say softly . He fiddles in his pockets and takes out his
wallet. He looks through it.
“Eish I don't have cash” he says.
“I will work for it fairly ”
“Work?” he seems confused.
His phone rings and he takes it out.
“Sho Bafo” he frowns again.
“Ngilinde Ngase Pavilion Ngiyeza ( wait for me by Pavilion Mall,
I am coming )” he hung up.
“I have to go , I will be back” I nod and he rushes off. The
Madam comes towards me dressed up.
It's a special day today from what I heard her saying yesterday
repeatedly. It's the day she meets her in laws for the first time I
presume. They are an ok family so she will be fine.
“Yeyi wena. Go and wash my clothes , I need them ironed and
after you go and cook traditional nonsense for my guests. They
will arrive soon ” I nod
“Yes Madam” she turns and walks away. I went back inside the
little cottage and wore my shoes. I put my phone away and
made my way to the main house.
I check the coast and trying to avoid bumping into him , it's
clear. I walk up the stairs to the bedroom side. I hear them
talking.
“Why don't you let her go ?, we can find another one just not
this one ” I hear his voice speak.
“No , I want this maid. I want her and that's that Ntozakhona.” I
hear him sigh.
“Please baby , just this once listen to me ”
“Listen to me. Your family is coming I need that thing to
prepare ”
“Don't call other people things "
I moved away from the passage and went in the next
bathroom. I sat on the toilet , I want to go home. I can't stand
being here as well, I hear a hard knock on the door. I flush the
toilet while standing up and I go and wash my hands. I went to
open the door and she shoved the basket in my hands.
“Go and wash ”
“Yes Mam” I walk off, I went down the stairs to the laundry
room.
I put the washing in the sink , I can't work this rolling machine
so I will wash with my hands. I see alot of her underwear. I feel
disgusted and some have blood. No I can't wash that. I push it
aside and keep on washing the rest. Underwear is washed
everyday by the owner. I can't , she will have to forgive me.
I went to hang her washing and look at the beautiful sun, I
would be sitting under the tree with Ciyela , I miss her at the
moment. I turn around and I walk inside.
“I don't know a useless maid like you. Instead of starting the
pots ,cook this ” she throws her phone my way and I catch it. I
look at the picture. It's steamed bread and tripe.
I nod and give her phone back she takes it.
“You... You will know me ” she says. That makes me want to go
home more. I swallow as she walks away.
I walk inside and start with the cooking, I added some samp as
well to put more food on the plate. I wish by the time everyone
arrives it's the time I am leaving.
I start humming a song. I stop with the cooking and I wipe my
tears. If my father didn't have any debt with Induna then I
wouldn't be here. Why did I seek him in the first place? If
Dabula didn't die would I be here ? Maybe , No , I don't know .
*******
“I am scared” I say softly. He snuck me in his room, I thought I
was ready. I am ready , I am scared to give my all now but I
didn't want another man having me first.
“Don't be. Calm down ” he kisses my neck. I liked those kisses ,
they tickled me and created an unknown feeling inside of me .
The flowered dress droped to my feet and my hands went to
my perky boobs. He placed his ontop of mine. Removing my
hands slowly , he turned me around and kissed me.
“I love you ” he whispered.
I knew I loved him as well when I gave myself to him.
I remember everything like it was yesterday.
*******
I discard those thoughts. He is someone fiance. Dabula and I
have never had kids , He was not fertile that is why we don't
have any kids together. I start with the pots on the stove and I
sit by the kitchen cleaning where I can get my hands on. I don't
want to be shouted at and I am still desperate for money to go
back home. Tears fall from my cheeks. I still love him but my
love for him won't do anything. I am not about to disrupt
another woman's life in that manner. I wipe my tears and carry
on.
The pots are doing their thing as I race around the kitchen
trying to do my best. I am done ! Good it has been long. I put
everything well, I look at the clock in the kitchen and it's 12h00.
I need to go back to the cottage. It's good that I haven't seen
Ntozakhona as yet. I went back to my cottage , I took our
picture and looked at it before I teared it apart and laid on the
bed crying.
____________
I hold onto the sink as I am done washing the dishes, my tears
have dried up. I wipe my face and I keep on cleaning the sink. I
hear the foot steps and feel his presence , smell his cologne. I
swallow the lump on my throat as I slowly wipe the little drops
just distracting myself a bit
I don't want to talk because my voice will fail me and I will
break down any time soon.
“Maid ! ” It's the madam. I turn around and he is looking at me ,
I look away and she walks in. I bow my head.
“Madam” I say. I get a glimpse of him and he has his jaws
pressed and tightening them.
“My Underwear , you didn't wash it ! I said ...” he holds her
hand stopping her from throwing the glass that's in her hand.
“That's enough ! You will not talk to her like that Nelisiwe !”
She bawls her eyes out and she looks at him.
“N..” she tries to talk but he interrupts her
“Go upstairs and do your own laundry ! ” she is angry but walks
away clicking her heals. We hear her little scoffs.
I turn around and I take the dishes and he places his hand on
my waist and I jump a bit.
“I am sorry” he says.
“Its ok ,I have work” I walk away from him and went to stack
the dishes away.
His presence is still felt. The door bell rings and I leave the
dishes
“That must be Nazo ” he says.
Nazo , it has been years since I last saw him. I know that he is
married and also a minister , that I read from the news papers
Dabula always came back with from work , old and sometimes
new as well. His wife is very beautiful yet all the beautiful ladies
always have something dark planted in them. I went to open
the door and I looked at these people in front of me.
I move out of the way.
“Wow , it has been long. What are you doing here ? You guys
got back together? Oh this is the love of my life ” he says rather
to fast but his eyes glitters when he mentions the lady next to
him, He hasn't even greeted me but looks like his father more
now .

I bow my head.
“Great to meet you ” I say
“Nice to meet you too” She smiles and the lady of the house
walks down the stairs.
“Where is my fiance ?” she asks
“Hello to you too” Nazo says.
“Excuse me ” I move away from them and fix my doek and
uniform properly.
I open the fridge and take out some beverages. I close the
fridge and she is standing next to me. Her eyes red and seems
to be ready to attack me.
“He once told me before about you ” she looks at me up and
down.
“The only reason I hired you is because I want to make you
suffer. ”
I swallow.
“He is not the same man you met at the rurals ,got it ? I am the
one getting married to him ” I nod.
“Go and wash the curtains.” I just washed them yesterday .
She walks away flicking her hair and her heals drilling the floor
and making so much sound. I hold onto the counter and tears
stream down my cheeks. I held on the love I had for him for 10
years, I was married but still love him so much and after my
husband's death I came to seek him. What was I expecting ?
Him waiting for me and holding on the words he preached to
me when I left. “I love you Mphefumulo wami”. I remember
him giving me my first ever kiss and touch, the man who made
me a woman in just one night. The man who I saw a future with
but faded away as I sacrificed myself for my family , sacrificed
my happiness to please them.
I sob softly and I hold onto my chest. I wish I let go of the love I
have for him , it wouldn't hurt. I wish I could not see him love
another woman the way he promised to love me. I wish that I
wasn't here. I hear laughter and I wipe my tears. I went to take
a peak and there is laughter. He is smiling , he kisses her
forehead and she leans on his chest. My heart cringes and I run
outside the kitchen. I take out my phone as I am sobbing. It
rings a few times before she answers.
“Sisi ”
“I want to come home. I...i”
“Sisi ...” I sob , why do matters concerning the heart hurt this
much ?
Ciyela talks to me and I feel a bit better after a conversation
with her. I hang up and I walk inside. I hear voices and seems
more than the ones that were there before. Definitely. Nazo's
walks in holding a child in her arms. The child definitely looks
like Nazo.
“Hi , Where can I find some milk. I need to warm it for this one
” she says. I take the milk out and pot.
“I will warm it ” I say
“Oh , Uhm thank you ” she smiles. She is really beautiful.
“You are beautiful” she chuckled lightly.
“I thought my husband was exaggerating. Thank you , You are
wonderful as well” I smile lightly
“Something wrong ? ” she asks.
“I don't have money to go back home ” I say and she frowns.
“Oh , I am coming back” she goes away and I pour the milk in
the pot and put it on the stove. I let it heat up.
She comes back and places her son on the counter. He fists his
hand and puts it in his mouth.
“No, Baby don't do that” she reprimids him.
“Here is some money. Go home , I am sure your family needs
you” she says while handing some money to me.
“Is it far ?is the money enough” I shake my head and hand it
back to her.
“I can't take your money ” I say ,it's alot.
“No , take it. ” she shoves it in my hands.
“You can go against my final word ” she adds.
It's R700, this is too much
“I just needed R200 ” I hand the rest back
“Buy snacks with the rest. ” I nod and go on my knees and now
my head.
“Thank you ” she pulls me up.
“Please don't bow and pleasure. Come Baby” she takes her
child and I pour the milk for her. She thanks me and walks off. I
look at the money. May she be blessed. I washed the pit and
put it away.
I went out of the kitchen way and I went to the cottage. I
opened the door and got inside. I undressed and got dressed in
my black clothes. I did my head wrap properly and put a shoal
over my shoulders. I packed my things and I closed my bags. I
am done with Durban, Nongoma is calling for me now.
________
I have been standing here for some time. I left the house an
hour ago and still no taxi has arrived , I look at my phone and it
states that I have been standing here for too long. I look left
then right before I take my bag and I keep on walking just so I
can meet a taxi. I don't know this place but one thing I know is
that I want to leave. A car comes to a halt next to me and the
window rolls come. I stop walking.
“Hey, you seem lost” I am lost.
“Yes , where can I find Taxi's here ? ”
“Oh I am not sure. They don't usually come this side. Rarely ”
he says. I am defeated.
He takes off his glasses and puts them aside.
“How about I give you lift to town ?” he says.
“You are going to Town ?”. He nods.
“Come , hop in ”
I look around and I went around to the passager side. I got
inside and closed the door.
“God bless you” I say and he smiles touching my thigh and my
dress goes up a bit. I remove his hand from it.
“He has blessed me ”
He starts the car and adjusts his review mirror. I look outside
and I see someone running towards the car. He whistles telling
it to stop. He arrives at the car and opens the driver's door.
“Cholo get out ” Why is he telling me to do that ?
“She wants to leave so let her ” the guy says
“Yes Afika , I want to leave ”
“Voetsek , leaving with a stranger who might rape and kill you.
Get out Cholo , ungangicasuli ! ( Don't piss me off )” he is
angry.
“Don't speak to her like ..” he punches the poor guy.
“Afika ! Ok I will get out. ” he spits on the floor and I open the
door. I get out and he comes by my side and drags me off. I am
holding onto my bags really tightly.
“I want to go home ” I try my luck into him letting me go.
“I am not letting you go after that careless move ”
“I am sorry ” he drags me inside the yard and Ntozakhona is
standing by the door.
“I found her in another man's car” I kept quiet. He let go of me
and took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up.
Ntozakhona is silent but looking at me ,I put my suitcase down
and I focus on Afika.
“How did you know I left ? ” I ask
“I went to check on you ” Afika says while pulling the smoke, he
is still angry I can see.
“Who gave you money ?” he asks.
“Nazo's wife "I say.
Afika leaves and we are both standing there. I don't make any
eye contact with him, he is silent and so am I. After a while he
heaves a sigh and I smell his cologne up my nose. It's strong ,
manly and also attracting. His arms wrap around me and I wrap
mine around his body. He kisses my forehead.I smile while
hugging him a bit more but remove my hands when I
remember that he is another woman's man.
“You left me ” he says
“I am sorry” I say. I had no control over it, it was either me or
my father.
I stand on my toes and I perk his lips softly. He places his hands
around my waist.
“She deserves you” I remove myself from his hold and I walk
off.
CHAPTER 3

She deserves him, I don't know like she does now. I am not
engaged to him and yes I love him but that doesn't mean he
loves me.He found the one he is supposed to move on with and
that is her. I know Ntozakhona from 10 years ago but not this
one. Time changes and so as people and I believe he has
evolved over the years. I left very wee hours of morning. Before
anyone could wake up. How I got out of that remote controlled
gate is a difficult thing to explain but I got out. I have been
walking on this street for some time and I haven't seen any car
or taxi coming my way. It's very quiet.
Oh there is one ! I wave my hand for the taxi and it came to me.
The door is opened and I hop inside with my bags.
“Town ?“
I ask and the driver nods, ok that is good. I take out the small
plastic where I put the money inside and took some money and
handed it over. I got my change and I relax on the seat. I look
back once more before I look ahead. I have to forget about him
, no matter how much I have loved him.Promises can be broken
as well and I don't see why I have to be selfish and hold him
back. He is happy and his happiness should be priority to him.
I get to town and I walk around to go and buy some chips
before I hop on the next taxi. I got something to drink as well
and paid at the pakistan shop. I then walk to catch the taxi back
home.
_________
My feet are hurting but relief washes over me very quickly. I
dropped what I have in my hands and just swing my arms
around their necks and they giggle. I have missed them so very
much, I couldn't wait to get out of the taxi when I saw them
standing here. I called Ciyela and told her that I am coming back
when I left the city.
“You are squeezing our necks.” Chiliza says and I let them go.
“I have missed you” I say
“We missed you too sisi” Ciyela picks up my bag and Chiliza
takes my hand bag.
We walk the journey back home.
“How was the city ?” Ciyela says.
“You went to the city?” Chiliza asks and I nod. I can't lie to her.
“Yes” I say
“Was it nice ?” she asks and i nod.
”Its fine ” I settle for that.
We keep on walking, we see a nice car parked by the yard.
“Who's car is that ?” I ask
“My uncles car, he came back after years” Ciyela says
“I don't trust that man ” Ciyela adds
“Apperantly we have a cousin” Ciliza says.
“Oh , he seems to have money ” I say
“He does ”
“He will put you through school then” I look at them and they
look at me like I have just spoken a foreign language.
We walk inside the yard and knock on the kitchen door. Three
gentle men are sitting on the chairs in the kitchen. Mama
stands up and I hug her.
“You are back , I am so happy” she says.
“I am happy too” she gives me a small perk and I giggle. It's
good to be here
“She has arrived good, we were going to search for her ” one of
the gentle man says
“No, you come back after years and demand my daughter ! ”
mah says.
”She is not yours. It's per tradition ”
“To do what ?” I ask. I shouldn't have, the elders are talking.
“Since passed on without bringing in a child and growing the
family name, this family paid for you meaning you should marry
my son and have kids to sustain the family name ” What ?
“Qinisa please” Mah says holding me close to her.
“I will give you a better life. You know that my brother resorted
to witchcraft for riches. Give her to us and we will take care of
her and you” he looks around the house.
“Malume ...”Ciyela tries to talk.
“hold it there Mshana ” he says.
“Why are you evil?” Mah says in a soft tone.
“You refused to marry me after my brother. Look where you
are living Hleziphi
do you want your kids ending up on the streets selling
themselves to make ends meet ? Things are simple. She will
bare children with Msizi and live comfortably ” he says looking
at the guy next to him.
“Nana ....” he tries to continue but I cut him.
“I will do it. If only Ciyela and Chiliza get to go school and Mah
lives comfortably” I say. I have nothing to loose. Nothing to live
for but them.
“No Cholo , don't be selfish ! ” Ciyela shouts.
“Good choice” The uncle smiles and turns to the guy.
“We are leaving ” Mah hugs me close to her.
“Don't listen to him. Go home , run away Cholo” I know she
cares and I know she wants what's best but I also want what's
best.
___________
Love ? It's something that is not ment for me at all. Love is
something that I should receive in any other form than
romantically. Love is said to be happiness yet also have thorns.
It pricks and leave a stain of deception at times. Love conqures ,
did mine conquer? No it didn't ! It only faded , well that is what
I think happened from his side.
“What do you need ?” it has been time. He doesn't speak , he
doesn't say anything but bobble his head back and forth to a
nice tune from the radio.
“Nothing” I say.
“I have a girlfriend you know” he says.
“Why don't you imoregnat her ?” I ask.
“I think she is infertile” he says.
“What If I am infertile?” I ask.
He turns to me. We are at the backseat. His father keeps on
stealing stares and smiles when he sees us.
“Are you?”
“I don't know ” I honestly say. He sighs frustrated.
“Mmmh ” he says.
We get to their home and the father turns to me once we get
out.
“Make yourself comfortable and behave ” he says and the son
nods.
He walks away leading the way and I walk behind him. We get
inside and there he turns and looks at me.
“How many people have you slept with ? ” what ? Is he asking
me that ?
“Two ” I say softly.
“Ok”
He walks away and I went to sit down. This is a mess.
He came back after some time and he sat down taking the
remote and changing the channel. We watched the same thing
and Nazo popped on tv. I made the best decision by leaving or
did I ? I did , that is what I believe.
“Are you eating something ?” I ask him. He looks at me.
“I will order ” he says. I don't like this.
I don't want to be here. It's boring and very awkward.
“Why don't you plant the sperms in someone else?”
“Don't ask too much ” his phone rings and he stands up and
walks away to answer it.
I need a bed so I could retire. It has been a long day.
_________
We are not all destined to have the same paths. It may be
similar but there are differences. Just like identical twins. They
may look alike but there are differences. My life , it's happening
the same way , I have always been to put someone's happiness
before mine. Right now my happiness lies in Ngwenya family.
They are my family and loved also welcomed me in their home.
My husband was a wonderful man, if we loved each other I
think we would've turned out wonderful but we cared for each
other and that was enough. I supported him as much as he did
with me. Encouraged him alot and he always appreciated my
efforts.
I woke up early to make some porridge for the morning. As the
situation I am in says alot but I still have to respect my In law. I
am one to make sacrifices. My father always said :“Make
sacrifices for the ones you love.” That's how you show them
love.
“Good morning” I turn around and look at him. I look at the
watch and it's almost 6 am
“I am late ” he grabs a fruit.
“Oh” I say and he looks at my porridge.
“I will see you neh”
He kisses my cheek and rushes out in tracksuits. I wonder
where he works. He didn't even grab proper breakfast not
forgetting lunch. I dished up for myself and I went to eat. I
called Mah and she asked me alot of questions of which I
answered. After the call I felt a bit better. Now I know my
purpose of being here. For them, I cleaned up and I went to
clean the place. It didn't need much cleaning but I wanted to
distract myself. Lunch time I was done and I have already
cooked. What now ? What to do ?
I went to sit down and watch some TV just to keep myself a bit
busy. I want to call my sister but then I have second thoughts
on that. I changed the channel and the door opens. I look
towards it and he walks in , he throws the keys on the table and
takes off his jacket.
“Come” I don't ask but I stand up and I follow after him. We get
in the room and I swallow. It hasn't been a full day.
He pulls me by the waist swiftly. I place my hands on his chest.
“You have a girlfriend” I say. This will make me feel bad.
“I am horny and we need a baby” I swallow and nod. He moves
the straps from my dress slowly, my heart is thudding. He guns
for my neck and my breathing hinched. He smells nice , that I
can say.
_____
“You are ok?” he asks. I don't know how many times he has
asked me that but I nod the same again.
His hands move to my boobs and he squeezes them softly
before his tongue is in touch with my nipple. He is sucking
softly. I have never experienced this and I won't lie. It feels kind
of nice. His hands move to my waist and he has a firm grip
before he stops and catches his breath. He gets off me and I
look at the ceiling for a while before turning to him. He is not
getting dressed instead he gets inside the covers. We are both
silent. This is awkward and awful.
“Have you told your girlfriend about this ?” I ask.
“No” what ? I sit up and he does the same.
“I don't want to be blamed for these things. You should've
talked to her. !” I am angry. At myself as well. I just slept with
another woman's man.
“I don't have a girlfriend” he says and I look at him.
“I lied ” he continues. I get off the bed. Now I need to jump of a
bridge because everything is a mess right now.
“Cholo” he says.
“I want to leave ” He gets off the bed and holds me.
“I am sorry for lying Cholo. I just didn't want you falling for me
soon” he says.
“My heart loves one man ” I say.
He is very silent after that statement. I want to forget about
him. I want to move on from him !
CHAPTER 4

It has been a week, a week of me living with this man. He is not

as bad as Chiliza described to be , maybe I will see that soon but
she did say his father is evil. I wonder why , we are at the
supermarket buying groceries. I can't work with what he eats so
here we are doing the shopping.
“I will be back right now ” he says and I nod while he walks
away, I walk down the aisle pushing the trolley.
I stop Infront of the spices and I look for the one I would prefer.
I take two and I put them inside the trolley. I turned around and
bumped into someone.
“I am sorry” I say
“Cholo” I look up to the person who is calling me.
“Nto..Ntozakhona , hi” I swallowed.
He smiles and I shy away.
“You left again ” he says softly.
“I... I had to ” I say.
“You are still this side ?” he moves next to me holding his
biltong and Stone cold drink close. He has always loved it with
chili sauce ontop.
“Yes” I hold onto the trolley.
“I have to go , greet your finance for me ” he holds my arm as I
move.
“I would like to see you again” he says
“Longer than this” he continues
“I can't Ntozakhona , I am sorry.”
I move away from him and don't turn back, I want to see him.
Longer than this as well but I have to respect his life as it is now
and try to unlove him. If that is very possible, My life is here
now and I should focus on that and forget about that Ndlovu
man who I have loved for so many years. I get to the till and
stand there,Msizi comes back and throws his stuff inside.
“Got what you needed ?” I nod.
“Yes I did , thank you” he nods and pulls me close to him and
kisses the side of my forehead. He is affectionate that I have
noticed.
I look at him and he smiles, I return the gesture. He doesn't let
go and we move with the line. Everything gets scanned and he
pays for everything. I am sure I didn't take much. We get done
and we walk out of the store to the parking lot. Everything gets
loaded, I see Ntozakhona's car passing by us and I just closed
my eyes. Msizi closes the boot when he is done.
“We can go” he says and we get inside the car, he drives off
after.
I look out of the window as silence consumes the car, I feel his
hand on mine and I look at him.
“Cholo , I am not bad” he says looking at me then focuses on
the road.
“We can maybe try for the sake of us having kids together” he
says
“Why choose your cousin's wife ?” I ask.
“It was my father's suggestion”
“And you agreed” he nods.
“I agreed because of how he portrayed you”
“He doesn't know me ”
“Yes but he knows how rural women were groomed ” he says
“We are all groomed differently” I say
“Can we try ?” he asks.
“Msizi I...”
“I will give you time ” he smiles and I sigh. I don't know what to
decide now. It's draining making alot of decisions.
We are both silent in the car once more.
___________
Msizi left right after I unpacked the groceries. He told me he
left work before we went grocery shopping. What baffels me is
that he is always casual. I pack him lunch and he takes it. That's
the only thing he takes. He wakes up very early, reminds me of
the time Ntozakhona when he had to leave for Durban , he
would leave at 1am very early just so he can arrive on time and
go to work. His family is the wealthiest in our community but
what I love is that they work for it. Even them, they had to start
somewhere as well like their fathers. He would come Friday
late at night and leave Monday morning. I should push that
man at the back of my head. Am I ready to be a mother ? I am
grown now and in my late 20's. People my age have children
already and have a good life for themselves. A good life with
the people they love ,will I love Msizi ? That's the question I
have no answer to. Should I give him a chance ? I am confused.
I wish my mother was here , she would've told me what to do.
I start with the pots in that process. My phone rings and it's
MaNdawonde. I answer the call quickly
“Mah ”
“How are they treating you my child ? ”
“Its good. He wants us to try” I say.
“Already ? Isn't that fast ?” she asks.
“I have to obey”
“Oh my innocent Cholo. You have to put your foot down
sometimes and take what's yours. You can't always please
people. You will hurt yourself ” she says.
“What should I do ?”
“What you want. Regardless of what I say or anyone says. I
want to see you happy my child. If you want to make things
work then you can and if things fail it's ok ” she says. I needed
to talk to her.
“Ok mah , I will do so ”
“Take care. I love you” I smile.
“I love you too” she hangs up and I put my phone away and
carry on with cooking.
I get done and I go to the guest room and I went to do some
ironing from today's washing. I fold the clothes nicely and
neatly as well before I put them where they are supposed to
be. Soon enough I get done with the washing and I pack
everything away.
“MaGxabashe ! ” I frown and I peak my head from the bedroom
and then went to the lounge.
“Surprise !” He says before laughing.
“What are you doing here ?”
“I brought your boyfriend ” Afika says and sucks on his lollipop.
He takes the remote and changes the channel.
“Please leave
Advertisement
you are not supposed to be here ” Ntozakhona pulls me
through the passage.
“Ntozakhona !” he pins me on the wall and hovers my tiny self.
I swallow, his cologne hits my nostrils.
“Listen here Cholo, you left me and chose your father over us,
you did that shit and I let you be. You fucked me up then and
you come and fuck me up again, stop fucking my life up
whenever you feel entitled to do so, you married another dude
and now you are with Another? What is ”
“Let go of me and leave me alone. It will stop ME from messing
up your everything ”
“I can't because I fucken love you !” he shouts.
“Stop shouting, stop swearing ” I say softly.
“I am sorry” he lowers his voice. He roughly brush his head and
looks at me.
“What are you doing with Msizi?” how does he know him ?
“I am here to give him children since Dabula was infertile.”
“Fuck this, I am not infertile ” he picks me up and goes to the
bedroom
“Ntozakhona put me down ”
He puts me on the bed and hovers me. My heart is beating
fast.
“Plesse, please leave ” I say softly. He kisses my neck and I
break down , I am crumbling and weakening too quickly . I am
weak !
“We have always wanted our own village” he says softly by my
ear. I swallow as he proceeds kissing my chest.
“Lets not do this please” I say softly. He holds my waist and
presses his body on mine.
“Haibo Haibo kanti nenza nje !( you guys are doing this )” I try
moving Ntozakhona but he is heavy.
Afika takes a picture and claps his hands laughing.
“Carry on. Should I press record or watch with my own two
eyes?" He says. I am flushed and want them to leave right now.
Tears prickle my eyes and they drop.
“Why are you crying ?” he asks.
“Get off me ” I say and he does.
“I think I will wait outside” Afika says and walks out.
“Cholo ”
“Get out Ntozakhona.”
“Mphefumulo...” I interrupt him.
“Its time we realized that our promises weren't going to be
fulfilled and we should move on. Our love story ended 10 years
ago” he holds my hands.
“Cholo, when you told me you were leaving I was shattered.
You remeber that I didn't come back for the whole month
before you left...” I nod.
I wanted to spend that last month with him but he wasn't
there. I know he was angry as he didn't come back as usual. I
always stood by that red container every Friday hoping he
would come but he didn't till I left.
“I was working so I could get the money your father owes and
when I came back you were already gone. I asked your sister
where you were but she didn't tell me which parts of Nongoma
you are in and I just lost hope” He holds my hand and locks it
with his and I look at it.
My mind jogs to the memory of us at the river sitting on the
rock.
*******
He kissed my neck and I giggled. He wrapped his arms around
me as I laid my head back on his chest. The river stream was
calming , I was supposed to fetch water but I am spending time
with him. My father will come looking for me if I don't go back
home.
“Uhlekani ?(What are you laughing at?)” I smiled and looked at
the river.
“You are tickling me ”
He took my hand and locked it with his and I looked at his left
hand and touched the bracelet I gave to him yesterday
“I will keep it on everyday” he says.
”I will keep mine as well” I smile and he gave me a cheek kiss. I
turned my head and face him. I went on my knees and he held
my cheek and gave me a kiss. I felt foreign feelings
******
I snap out of my thoughts and look at our hands. He still has it
on, he touches mine and I move my hand breaking away from
his. I stood up and took off the bracelet.
“I think we should try moving on.Good luck on your marriage”
he stands up and holds my waist.
“I love you” he says, I swallow.
“I..lo..bye ” he looks at me and nods. He lets me go and he
walks to the door. He turns and looks at me before he walks
out. I sat on the bed and breathed out.
I am confusing my life , yes I am and I want to unconfuse that. I
don't know how or where to start as well. How did Ntozakhona
find me anyway ? How does he know Msizi ? I want to ask Msizi
but I don't want to bring another man's name in his presence.
It's disrespectful.
________
“What a day!” He walks in and throws his Bennie on the bed
and runs his hand on his bald head.
It suits him , he got his hair done I can see. He had hair but it
suits him.
“I am sorry I arrived late. I was held up at the panel beater” he
takes off his top. I pull the covers to my body.
“Its fine ” I say.
He gets on the bed and perks my lips.
“I have thought about what you said” I say and he looks at me.
“We can try but let's not rush , I have just lost Dabula and I
need to grieve ” I say
“I understand babe. It's not easy letting go of someone you still
love but I will try my best to be patient” he says.
He is right. It's not easy letting go of someone you still love. It's
not easy letting go of Ntozakhona.
“Thank you” I say. He holds my waist.
“I missed you today , surprisingly” he says.
“Let me go and warm some food for you ” I get of the bed and
he pulls me to him.
“I have already eaten ” He softly whispers in my ear.
“Ok” his fingers run up my thigh, pulling my night dress up.
“We should try again” he says , I nod slowly while swallowing.
“Fuck this, I am not infertile ” Ntozakhona's words ring in my
head ,I can't seem to get him out of my head. His voice keeps
on ringing and I feel tingles.
“Dad chose wisely” Msizi says and he lays me on the bed. He
gets ontop of me and gives me a kiss. I respond.
I shall obey , I shall fulfil mostly I shall let go of the love I have
for Ntozakhona Ndlovu
CHAPTER 5

It's dark yet silent as well. I can feel his fingers running on my
skin slowly creating little tingles along the way. I feel him shift
and I look at him and he looks at me. The moon light from
outside is the one thing that is giving light into the room, I am
sure in 2 hours he has to go to work and start his day yet he
hasn't slept and neither have I , I took a short nap and woke up
to him touching and caressing me slowly. He chuckled softly
“What?” I say softly. He pulls me close to him.
“Nothing”
“You are waking up in a few” I say
“I know” he keeps on tracing his fingers on my body. He takes a
breath in.
“I don't want to sleep” he says
“What then ?” I ask.
He is silent still tracing his fingers around my body.
“You know I was thinking”
“Yes ”
“I love Polygamy” he says and I am silent.
“Would you allow me to take a second wife?” why ? Isn't one a
headache and enough ?
“I ... Why?” I ask.
“I love the idea of having two wives ” I sit up.
I won't handle it. I can't handle sharing even if it's situations like
this.
“Oh ”
“Are you ok?” he asks.
I turn to him.
“I don't think I can do this. I thought I can but...”
My mind starts jogging.
“What ? Cholo you can't do this to me ” he says.
“I am sorry” I turn and look the other way. I should make up my
mind. I know what I want and what I was taking a journey on
and I will fulfil it even if I fail.
I close my eyes, hear him sighing and I sigh as well.

We woke up in the morning and I help him prepare. I make

breakfast and lunch for him as well and I wait at the kitchen for
him to be done. He walks in after some time and comes to hold
me.
“Cholo” he says softly.
“Yes”
“Did I upset you yesterday?” he asks
“No, I just don't want to waste our time on things I am not sure
on” He nods slowly like he understands but I can see he
doesn't.
“Find the other wife ” I just say
“What if you are pregnant?” he touches my stomach. I know I
am not Ciyela took me to those injections at the clinic before
we left.
“We can check” I say
“I will bring back pregnancy tests” I nod.
He sits down and eats , when he is done he stands up and takes
his food.
“I will see you in the afternoon” I nod and he takes his car keys
and walks out. I look at the door for a while before I turn and
switch off the lights. I am tired for real.
____________
It took me days , Weeks , hours to take in everything that I am
about to do. Dabula , I am sure he is asking himself alot of
questions wherever he is. I thought I could handle but another
few years with another man I don't truely love would've ended
me on the second one. Mah's words also ran in my head for the
past two months. I wish things were just as simple but let me
make them simple for myself now. I hold onto my bag and I
breathe out. I softly knock and there is silence. No man Cholo
ring that door bell.
I press my finger on the door bell and it rings. I am nervous but I
push those nerves back, no this can't hold me back,it's during
the day. It's either I will find him or not. His fiance is a
workaholic that I have confirmed in just the little time I have
had with them. I am snapped out of my thoughts by the door
opening
“Cholo”I look at him and take in a deep breath. I hold onto my
bag tightly and step Infront of him.
I look at him and I went on my toes before I kiss his lips and he
responds placing his hand on my waist. That made me place
mine on him and touch him like he is mine. I break the kiss and
step back a bit.
“It hasn't ended until the love fades” I say
“Meaning?”
“I love you Ntozakhona. I am sorry for hurting you , leaving you
and choosing other people before us. I am willing to change
that , I am willing to put us first more than anything else..”
He picks me up and I giggle. He closes the door and walks
inside.
“Please put me down”i say and he lays me on the couch and
hovers me, he looks at me.
“MaGxabashe” he says
“Gatseni” he shys away a bit.
“Ngiyakuthanda Mphefumulo wami ( I love you my soul)” I
smile
“Nami ngiyakuthanda ( I love you too)”
“You see this ” he points at his heart area and I nod.
“Wayephula kodwa ngisakuthanda( You broke it but I love
you)” I placed my hand on his chest and he placed his over
mine.
“Sengiyofa ngifile manje( I will take whatevee risk)”
He smiles and perks my lips.
“Let me sort things out this time ” I nod.
“I will let you be Gatseni” he lays his head on my chest and I
hug him. I feel better , much better than I was before, I don't
care what anyone says I want to be here. I close my eyes and
listen to his breathing patterns.
___________
I opened my eyes and I look around. I am in a bedroom , it's
one of the rooms in Ntozakhona's house. I hear a breaking
sound and I jump from where I am. I get off the bed and I walk
out of the room and walk through the passage. I arrive at the
kitchen and I look at them. The glass is broken.
“You don't respect me Ntozakhona ! What you are telling me is
shit !” she screams ontop of her voice. I hide myself but still
look at them.
“Nelly we are talking. I don't get why you have to break every
dish inside this house , Ziqede zonke ke !( finish all of them then
!)” he shouts. I jump a bit as well, Ntozakhona has a big voice
when he shouts it's scary.
“Talking for what when you just told me you love your useless
Ex ”
“Never , I mean ever refer Cholo as that or we will have serious
problems than this ” he says.
“You know I love you Ntozakhona. Why are you doing this to
me ?” she starts sobbing, If I didn't throw my consious away
when I came here I would be leaving but I saw him first. I am
not going anywhere.
“I know baby” he goes around and hugs her. I feel a bit hurt.
“You have to choose who you want ,I won't share you ” she
says while on his chest.
“Nelisiwe ....” he says
“No , choose. You know my father won't be happy about this.”
She says. She is blackmailing him I can see.
“I know ” he says softly.
She moves her head from his chest and has a little smirk. This
skinny thing has him by the pinky now. Oh god
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no calm down Cholo. He said I should let him handle things.
“So what is it ? A girl from the rurals or me and the new
contract ? ” what contract. He is silent for a moment and I am
nervous.
“Dad gave it to me today. It has been finalized” she takes
papers out of her bag and pushes them towards him.
He takes it and looks through.
“Its good ” She continues.
“It is ” Ntozakhona says. My heart sinks and I lean against the
wall, I place my hand on my chest .
Calm down Cholo but I can't seem too.
“But , I can get another one sometime. No big deal” he tears
the papers.
“What !? What does this mean ? ”
“I think you know the answer, I am sorry” he says
“You are going to regret this with that thing” she walks off up
the stairs. I look at her disappear and I turn around.
He is standing by the wall looking at me with hands in his
pocket.
“You were listening” he says
“I just woke up” I say
“Come here” I go to him and he places his one hand around my
waist.
“You are sure about this ?” he asks and I nod
“I am sure”
*******
I stood on the rock and jumped into his arms. He caught me
and spun me around kissing my whole face as I giggled. I always
felt joy being with him even though my father wouldn't be
happy having a boy hold me like this , make me feel like this but
I loved that feeling.
“One day you will forget about me ” my face softened from the
laugher and he looked at me.
“I will never forget you ” he placed me down and held my
hands.
“You know why ?” I shook my head.
“Bevause you will be my wife and have many kids with you ” I
laughed.
“How many ?”
“50 kids” I giggled as he wrapped his arms around my body.
“I love you MaGxabashe” I laid my head on his chest.
“i love you too Gatseni”
“I promise to love you forever. Till death does us apart” I look
at him.
“Me too” he held my chin and gave me a kiss on the lips. I was
starting to get the hang of the kissing thing.
********
“There is no going back” he says softly.
“There isn't” it's the way forward now.
_________
The sounds of someone shuffling woke me up from my sleep , I
looked around and I sat up.
“Go back to sleep” He says softly.
“Its late” I say. Its dark outside.
“I will be back ,Sleep Cholo” he says.
He takes his phone and he puts it on his ear.
“Bafo Sheshisa kushubile, Ok sho ( Hurry up bro , things are
heating up )” he hangs up.
“Ndlovu what Is going on ? ”
“Your in laws and ex I should say” what did they do ?
“What did they do?”
“They are in my yard trying to get in the house. They want you ”
I got off the bed and went to check the window. I see someone
shouting and 3 Taxi's parked outside full with guys in it. I see
Msizi as well.
What is this ? I turn around to him. He is on the phone making a
call.
“Ok, no , they haven't got inside the house... call when you
arrive ” he hangs up.
“I am sorry for being trouble ” I say
We hear a gun shots and he comes to me.
“Go to the closet ”
“N..”
“Now Cholo ! ” I go to the closet and he is behind me. He goes
to the wall and opens a safe , it's just there. He takes out a gun
,I swallow. He has a gun for what ?
He closes it and turns to me.
“Don't move. I will be back” he says
I nod and he gives me a kiss.
“I will sort everything out ” he says
“Ok” he rushes out and locks me In here.
The little roof lights turn on in a dimmed manner, I see a
comfortable looking chair and I went to sit on it. I am sure it
was for the fiance. It looks almost empty. She had alot of
clothes then.
“Cholo come out now ! ” I hear someone shouting.
I am scared, I won't move until Ntozakhona comes and takes
me out.
“Check in there ” I see the door handle move and my heart is
beating fast.
The sounds of gun shots scared me alot and the door was
kicked.
“I found her ” the guy says and comes to drag me.
“Please...” I try to speak but I am met by a hard slap that got
me on the floor. I hold my cheek.
“Rubbish wentombazane ,Doti ! ( rubbish of a girl , Rubbish !)”
Msizi's father spits on the ground.
“Voetsek. Move away from her before ngenze ezibukwayo (
Before I cause a scene)” I don't know who that is.
“Your son played on my Territory” Msizi's father says.
“Anginandaba nge territory yakho mina. Usendaweni yami naje
, uvusa inyoka ilele ( I don't care about your territory. You are
on mine and you are poking a sleeping snake )”
More people enter, what makes me want to pee on myself are
the guns being pointed at each other. Everyone is silent.
“Go and call your brother ” The man says to Qiniso. Ok I
recognise him.
“I am sure my son has ended him ”
“Don't take me for a ride wena Popayi. Ucabanga sidlala
umasgcozi lah wena , Sosebenza ( You cartoon , You think we
are playing games here , we are here to work )” the man says
“Then let's work. I am not leaving without her ” Msizi's father
says
The man swings an unexpected punch at Msizi's father who
stumbles a bit.
“Bamba inkabi yami ( Hold my gun )” he throw it into Afika's
hands and goes in for another.
Afika picks me up and the guns are pointed at us. Ntozakhona
came in and I rushed to him.
“Babomncane ! ” he says and the man stops. Msizi's father is
bleeding through the nose and mouth.
“Go to my house Ntozakhona ” he says
“Come ” he takes my hand and I hold it as we walk out. We get
down the stairs.
“Where is Msizi?”
“Dont worry about that ” I nod.
We get to the garage and he closes my ears but I could hear
everything. He let go and opens the door quickly.
“Get in ” I hop in and he goes to the other side and he reverses
out quickly and we are out of his yard soon enough.
There is silence.
“I am sorry” I say
It's my fault now that Msizi is coming for him.
“I can handle myself ” he says.
His phone rings and he takes it out of his pants and answers it.
“Gatseni” he is silent after.
“Yes we...shit ! ”
A speeding car was coming towards us but he managed to sway
the car around and avoid being hit. My heart was beating fast , I
thought we would be injured there for a second.
“I will talk later ” he hangs up.
“Rest” he says. I don't think I have any rest in me.
“I don't think I can rest” I say
He is silent.
“Why do you have a gun?”i look at his lap. He looks there then
the road.
“You won't see it again ” that's not the answer I am looking
for.
I decided to let him be.
CHAPTER 6

I open my eyes and touch the side of the bed. I am alone and in
a foreign roomn I remember being brought here after last night
and arriving at this Zulu wonder land. Everything in here is
cultural if I could say. I don't know where I am but I know who
brought me here. I get off the bed and I make it before sitting
on it. I don't know if I move where I would go or who I will
bump into so I will wait here. The door opens and he walks in
and throws the keys on the bed.
“How is everything ?” I say while standing up and is kisses my
lips while pushing me on the bed.
“Ntozakhona” I say
“I need you ” he says and goes to kissing my neck while pinning
me down. He is a bit heavy on me .
“Gatseni let's talk" I really want us to talk.
“We will talk later Cholo ” his fingers run all over me, still
pressing me down.
“Ntozakhona ” I say once more and he stops.
He gets off me and I sit up and he runs his fingers through his
hair roughly.
“What's going on ? ” I ask.
“Nothing , Qiniso will bring things for you ” he gets up from the
bed.
“Talk to me ”
“I will be back” he walks out after that.
I think he is angry , he is angry but sex wouldn't solve anything
right now. I get off the bed and I walk out of the room. I stand
there for some time before navigating myself around the house
and I get to the lounge. It looks like the chief's house
“Good morning ”
I look at her and she smiles at me.
“Come and sit down. Breakfast is ready” she says and I go and
sit down . She dishes up , she has a dress on and a doek on her
head as well. A doek. I stand up from where I am then I
remeber I don't have my things here.
“How are you Cholo ?”
“I am ok” I look away and she comes to place a plate Infront of
me.
She goes and takes her food and she the sits down.
“So tell me the full story because I need that from you ” she
says, I can't get over her beauty.
“Its complicated” I say. Where is her child ?
“Complicated, you said you were going home” she raises her
brow.
“I am sorry , I will pay back your money.” I did need to go
home.
“Its ok, you will tell me one day” she smiles.
“Slindokuhle is my name. Call me Slindo ” I nod.
We start eating the breakfast Infront of us and the door opens.
The man from yesterday walks in followed by Nazo and Sikelela.
I am looking for Ntozakhona but I can't seem to see him.
“Makoti ” Slindo stands up and I do the same.
“Baba ” Nazo goes and kiss his wife's forehead.
“We have this handled. Popayi has drama ” he says shaking his
head.
“Lets move on from me being here ” Nazo says.
“I made breakfast” she says
“We will eat later Makoti” the man walks away.
“The prodigal girlfriend” Sikelela says and pulls me in a hug.
“Hi ”
Slindo laughs a bit.
“What's wrong ?” Nazo asks.
“Just an inside memory” she says and moves to the kitchen he
follows.
“I have a crazy wife I want you to meet , maybe she can be like
you ”
“I will see ” he takes the bacon from my plate and moves to the
kitchen.
I sigh and sit down to carry on with my meal , I get done and I
help Slindo with the dishes. After that we are done Afika comes
with the things I needed and I thanked him. I wanted to ask
about Ntozakhona but I will wait for him to come back if he
will.
I went to bath and my body felt fresh right after. I got out and
made my way to the room I was in. I closed the door and I
stripped to lotion my body
The door opens and I turn around to look towards it as he walks
in. I take the towel and wrap it around my body. He places his
hands in his pocket and looks at me.
“I am sorry” I go towards him and perk his lips.
“It's ok”
“I will do better next time ” he says.
I run my fingers on his neck.
“You left me ” I say and smile
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he chuckles
“Ngiyaxolisa Nkosazane ( I am sorry)”
“Its ok”
“Don't worry. Everything will be ok, eventually”
“Alot is coming our way ?”
“I don't know. We just have to be prepared”
We hear breaking sounds and burst out of our little bubble.
“Get dressed. I will be back” I nod as he rushes out. I get
dressed and I walk out as well.
“You think you can play me wena Nqaba uzongazi ! ( you will
know me )” the lady shouts who is held by Afika. The case is
broken and Nazo's father is sitting on the couch changing the
channel while having his food.
“Leave her alone ” he says
“No take her out !” Nazo says and walks off. Slindo follows after
him.
“Woza Nana , Khona uyogcina ukuthanda obaba abadala (
Come Nana ,So you will stop dating old men )” Afika says
throwing the lady over his shoulder.
She is fighting and screaming as they walk out.
“Babomncane ”
He just ignored us.
“You are old for this. All of you and your brothers” Sikelela says
“We are old to get married too”
There is silence. The helper comes and sweeps the broken
substances away and rushes off.
“Come” Ntozakhona takes my hand and we walk to the
bedroom. I sit on the bed as he goes to the wardrobe and takes
our a top and changes it. I look at him.
*********
“They have arrived ” one of the ladies said.
“Who ?" We were at the river getting water , we turn our heads
and look at the direction they are facing.
“Oh , abafana bakwaNdlovu bahle boh ( The Ndlovu boys are
handsome )” one of them says.
It was my first time going to get water from the river. My father
never allowed me to go around till I was 17. It was usually my
sister or mother who went to get the necessary things like
water but after she died I had to help.
They were sitting all together. Many of them together and their
bond was so much visible that it can't be easily broken. Seemed
as a big family and it was my first time seeing one of the family
members. Seeing them. I have always heard how my sister and
the rest of the people I knew praised that family and I didn't
understand. All I saw is a family that has Taxis.
We got the water and I put the bucket on my head. We started
walking off with the other girls as they started singing just to
get their attention and they were looking at us. They kept on
singing and I joined in as well.
Someone whistled and we stopped , turned to look back and it
was them.
“Zaze zacula kahle Intombi ( The ladies sing so beautifully)”
That was Sizwe oh may his soul rest in peace.
He was gunned down on the N2 at the age of 26. I was 18 when
that happened, the taxi business is very rough.
“Thank you " one of the ladies say. Ntozakhona came towards
me that time and just stood Infront of me.
“Uyathandeka ( You are lovable)" he said softly but I heard him.
I swallowed and looked at him.
“Thank you ”
“Ngabe iNkosazana yekwa bani ?( Who may I refer the lady to ?
)”
“Makhathini”
“MaGxabashe ” he says.
“Cholo let's go ! ” my sister was shouting.
“Go well" he said I nodded
“Ntozakhona Ndlovu " he said and I walked away from him.
That was the first time I met him.
**********
“Aren't you going to work ?" I ask.
“The rest will cover well" he says while getting dressed and
pulled me up.
“I am not ready to loose you ” he says
“Me too”
He kisses my lips and I respond to the kiss quiet passionately as
well.
“Ntozakhona nangu uyihlo wakho ( Ntozakhona here is your
father !)” someone shouts.
“Ngizkushaya Mfana uweyisa ( I will hit you boy for
disrespecting me )” a Deep voice roars . Ntozakhona pulls me
by my waist.
“Your father ”
“Come ” he pulled me away from the room and we went out to
the lounge. His father looks scary.
“Why have you stepped on other people's territory?" He asks
“I didn't , they did that ”the man clicked his tongue.
“You " he points at me.
“I want to see her emagcekeni akwa Gatseni ( In the Ndlovu
yards)”he says.
“Hayi uzombona Babomdala ethi shwii shwii ngamaphinifa
aGogo ( You will see here running around wearing my
grandmother's clothes)"Afika says and they give him a stare.
“Fix this ” he says
“ I will ” he walks out.
_________
Choosing things in life and mIung decisions are really hard but
we have to pull through right ? Make the best decision we have
inticpated for ourselves.
“I am glad you chose him. Kunini yoh ( It's been when )” Ciyela
says . I am having a call conversation with her.
“Yes ”
“We are in school. You should go back too” she says. How ?
“I don't know what to do and I haven't thought of that. I don't
have money for it”
“Your new boyfriend " I shook my head.
“I will try getting a job. I don't want to be trouble to anyone ” I
say
“Yeah, you are right. Men tend to have too much power over a
woman. Some sort of ownership and he will remind you that he
made you ” I have never saw it that way
“Ntozakhona is not like that ” I say
“You don't know , you haven't seen him in years ” she has a
point
“I will find a job then ”
“Good. We love you "
I smile.
“I love you too” she hangs up after.
I switch off the stove after making lunch. The door is opened
and he walks in.
“Hi " he kisses my forehead.
“I have to go somewhere” he rushes off to the bedroom side. I
am confused a bit till he comes back with a bag.
“And then ?"
“Business proposal. Ngiyabuya ( I am coming back )”
If I knew that coming back ment two days later. He walked out
and I let him be.
CHAPTER 7

I am in the kitchen waiting and preparing. He walks in and I look

at him.
“I should've told you I would be gone for the past two days" he
says and I carry on with setting the food up.
“How many are you ?"
“Its Qiniso , Sakhile , Afika and me ” he says. Sakhile another
one I haven't seen in so long.
“Ok” he kisses my forehead.
“I love you ” he says before waking out. I smile.
I dish up for them and I take a little bowel and I put warm water
and some soap and took a clean dishcloth. I walk out and they
are seated with papers Infront of them.
“I just earned another route to Makhutha ” Qiniso says.
“Thats good. I will take care of the petrol transportation
contract ” Ntozakhona says.
I get to them
“Hello” I greet
“MaGxabashe , I did hear you are back” Sakhile says.
“She removed Nelisiwe quiet quick” Afika says and Ntozakhona
gives him a look.
I looked away.
“Don't mind Him " Qiniso says and I nod. They all wash their
hands and wipe them.
I walk away to the kitchen and collect the food before I start
serving them their food. I leave them and I go to the kitchen. I
don't eat but wait for them to finish so I could take the dishes. I
keep myself busy by playing a game on my phone when
Ntozakhona walks in with the dishes. That was very quick.
“You could've called me ” I say while he places the dishes.
“Its ok ,we are going a bit. Thank you for the food ” He perks
my lips.
“Ntozakhona ” he rushes off and I sigh. He is out of sight.
I take the dishes and put them in the sink before I wash them.
________
I am packing the washing away. I washed today because the
sun was nice and hot and this was the perfect weather to do
laundry. I walk inside the main bedroom and I place his things
nice and neatly in the wardrobe. He walks in and I look at him
and carry on with my work.
“I promise I am not leaving anymore” he says and I just keep
quiet.
“Cholo” he sighs and comes to stand behind me placing his
hands in his pocket.
“This weekend we are going to Msinga ” I stop what I am doing
and look at him.
“You are going ?”
“We are going ” he emphasises the We
“Its a thank you ceremony ” he continues
“But I am not married to you ” I say. I can't just show up with
him there. Obviously we will share a bed.
“But you used to....”
“That was years ago, we didn't know better” he chuckles.
“You look beautiful frustrated” he says.
“Come here ” I go to him and he holds me.
“There will be alot of explaining. Alot of work being done and
trials but we will stick through them ” I nod.
“ That will happen ”
“I love you ” he says.
“I love you too” he kisses my lips.
“Where were you ?” I look at him, he looks down on me.
“I am trying to secure a contract with a fuel company ” he
kisses my forehead.
“You will know along the way” he says
“Is it the one Nelisiwe was talking about ?” he is silent for a
moment.
“Its similar content just different people” I just nod because he
won't explain further or in simple form.
“Let me go and bath ” he holds my hand
“I won't hurt you Cholo. I am trying to fix us so we can be
together happily”
“You think we won't be happy ?” I ask.
“I know we will be,I will make sure you are happy with me” I
smile.
“Ok , let me bath”
He let me go and I went to bath. I hope Msizi and his father
have given up. I am not prepared to loose Ntozakhona because
of my carelessness but I am not changing my mind of being
here.
______
We are heading to Msinga. It has been exactly 10 years since I
have set foot here and I am nervous. Maybe I will bump into my
father and I am afriad of that. The first question he will ask is
Why am I here ? How will I explain that to Gxabashe. How will I
say I am here because I am with my boyfriend? I just pray that I
don't bump into him honestly.
I am looking out of the window as my phone rings. Maybe it's
MaNdawonde , I haven't talked to her in two days. I miss her
honestly , I look at the screen and it's my sister. I huff because
she has something to gloat about. That's the only reason she
ever calls me and it's how much her life is going well than
mine.
“Nofotho” i answer.
“How are you?” she asks
“I am well and yourself ? ”
“Wonderful. Eyi phela we have new furniture. Leather, My
husband got them on lay bye. Finally they are here ” see
“Wonderful”
“I am sure Dabula couldn't buy any furniture after his
downfall”
“You are speaking illof the dead now ” I didn't love Dabula but I
hate it when she talks like this about him. He was still a good
man who tried his best !
Ntozakhona looks at me.
“Haibo I am just saying” I hang up on her and throw the phone
on my lap.
“Are you ok?” I nod, he lets me be.
We arrive at his home and it has changed. Much bigger than
the last time I was here and has running water by the tap
outside. I am nervous as we get out.
“Where is Nelisiwe ?”one of them asks.
“You boys like bringing such things ”
“Don't start with my wife or we will have serious problems”
Nazo says pointing at each and everyone of them. I swallow.
“Come ” Slindo takes my hand and kids follow after her. I look
behind us at them.
“These are my children” I nod
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they look cute but the boys look like Ntozakhona's
Grandfather.
“Mommy there is Daddy” they rush off to Sakhile who hops out
of his car with another child that looks just like him. They are
climbing and fighting over him. I am confused at the moment.
“I need some wine and I think you will too. It's going to be a
long stay " she pulls me in a room and takes out some wine.
“I have never drank” I say
“Oh , sorry then. More for me ” she pours it in a glass and hides
the wine under the bed.
“Nazo will go ballistic If he sees it” she smiles.
“So tell me. Have you found a job ?" I shook my head.
“What do you want to do ?” she asks.
“I am not sure , my sister suggested that I study "
She gulps the wine.
“She is right. You should ”
“I don't have money to do that” I say
“Get a part-time job and study through UNISA and dont let any
man pay for it. It will feel good when you have done it on your
own ” I nod.
“I will try looking for one”
“I will help you” she smiles , she is beautiful inside and out.
“Mmmh I need more of this before we go and help out ” she
grabs it from under the bed and pours more. The door swings
open and a face painted lady walks in wearing heels and a dress
that sits her well.
“Mrs Ndlovu the first !” she shouts. I close my ears. She is loud.
“Mrs Sikelela” Slindo says and they laugh and hug.
“Yoh I missed you , oh hi” she greets me after hugging Slindo
“Hi" I wave
“This is Cholo Ntozakhona's Soulmate and Cholo this is
Sanelisiwe, Sikelela's wife ”
“You removed Nelisiwe just like that ?You deserve a bells
shame ” I feel embarrassed Everytime someone says that.
“Speaking of alcohol. Look what I have !” she pulls out two
bottles of wine and a vodka from her big hand bag.
“Oh my God. Did Sikelela see you ?” Slie asks.
“No, I put some clothes so they wouldn't touch and get me in
trouble ” she opens the wine.
I assume their husbands don't want them drinking.
“If we get caught it's all your fault" Slindo says as they pour
wine.
“Wine ?” Sane asks.
“I don't drink" I say
“Its healthy. It's nice " she pours one for me and gives me a
glass.
“Cheers to the Ndlovu Wives club growing ” she says.
“Cheers !” Slindo says and they gulp it. I take a sip and at first
it's not nice for me but after more sips it got nice.
____
“Tswala bami , tswala bami
Ohh ngiyabukhalela ....” Sane is singing.
“Where is that child with our Ciders?"
“Maybe he got caught” I feel woozy but great. We didn't even
go to help out.
Sane rolls off the bed and lands on the floor.
“Zidakwa zami , ngiyanithanda yezwani ?( my Drunkens , I love
you ok ?)" She shouts.
“We love you too ! ”
I push the glass away, I am done for tonight. The door opens
“Baby I have been...”
I vomit on the floor.
“Yoh , you drank alone " Sane says. Slindo rubs my back .
“Nazo it's not what it...." He walks out banging the door.
“Yeye sisenjeni lah ( We are in trouble )” Sane says. I vomits
again.
______
They are all looking at us. We managed to clean my vomit and
leave the room looking clean and smelling like Lavander. We
are outside sitting under a tree and the three of them are
looking at us.
“I am tired” Sane says.
“No one is going anywhere" Nazo says
“I am sorry Thembalam, we were getting in the reunion mood"
Slindo says. His face softens a bit but goes back to the way it
was.
“Yes and having a welcome to the wives club party Nyana ”
Sane adds.
“Oh wena uyu-organizer? ( You are the organizer)" Sikelela
speaks
“You get it " she says and he shakes his head.
“I think a we should deal with our own woman ” Ntozakhona
says while looking at me. He is talking after a long time and I
haven't spoken as well.
“Slindo" Nazo says.
“Visit me in the morning " She whispers to us and stands up. He
takes her hand and they walk off.
Sikelela carries his wife and she waves at me and says I must
call her. I don't even have her number.
“Come ” He pulls me up as well and carries me as well. I can't
even walk that I discovered when we had to come here.
We get to the room we are using and he places me on the bed.
“You drink now ?" he says after closing the door and I fiddle
with my fingers. “I am sorry " I say
“I am asking a question " he says. He is angry , calm ? I don't
know. “No "
“Then you vomit miracles ” I am silent.
“Sleep. I will deal with you in the morning " he says and strips
me off and gets me under the covers. He kisses my forehead
and walks out. I try to sleep after that.
What is he going to do in the morning ? I am now scared for the
morning to come.
CHAPTER 8

I was woken up by sharp sun rays penetrating my eyes. I shut

them tighter and the covers were pulled off me as I try to
protect myself from the sun. A very bad headache came on and
I couldn't stand it. I moan in pain.
“Good morning” Is it a good morning ?
“I have a very bad headache” I say while squinting my eyes. I
open and look at him.
He is in overralls and a black vest as well.
“Thats your first punishment. ” I sat up while holding my head.
“Are there pain killers?” I ask. He folds his arms
“The were pain killers but I flushed them down the toilet this
morning” What ?
“What ? How co...ahh” I moan while holding my head.
“Come so you can prepare bath water no sleeping” I want to
cry.
“I am sorry , I won't drink again” I say
“Cholo come“He is waiting.
I get off the bed slowly. I get dressed before we walk out. I will
never drink again , mark my words.
_____
Did I say I wouldn't drink again? Well I was lying , What
convincing women they are in desperate times. I am downing it
like there is no tomorrow. Sane takes the plastic and I throw my
bottle inside it. We are watching Slindo take a bath, we have
already done our bathing. She has some marks on her body and
I am worried. Did he hit her ? Is he abusing her yet she is
laughing at whatever Sane is saying like she is normal.
“Cholo” I look at her snapping out of my thoughts
“What is wrong ?” I look at her waist.
“No man it's not what you think” She says while wiping her
body.
“I need to throw these away” Sane says
She takes the plastic and takes a bag from the bed and shoves
the plastic inside.
“Thats Nazi's gym bag”Slindo says
“What is he going to gym with? The cows?" Sane says.
“I think my headache us better now ” I say. It does feel better. I
feel better.
“Thats how you cure a hangover. Bebethi basibambile kanti Cha
silithile ( They thought they have got us but no,we Alert” Sane
says.
“What happened to your waist ?” I wanted to ask.
“A heavy punishment , look at mine” Sane pulls her t-shirt up
and they high five” I am confused with these two
“They hit you”
“Oh Cholo no, Nazo has never laid his hand on me” I look at
Sane
“Igwayi Mntase , iyasebenza. ( their Machine does the work)"
I am still confused.
“Punishment Sex” Slindo clearified
“Oh ” I don't understand why they look like that.
“My man knows his stuff shame. I will drink any day for what I
had lastsnight.” Sane says and Slindo laughs.
“Let me get dressed ” she says
“Let me go and throw this away” She takes the plastic and goes
out , Slindo looks at me.
“You seem distracted” she says
“I don't know how Ntozakhona will punish me ” She giggles.
“Good luck”
“Is it going to be bad?”
“I don't know ” the door opens and Sane is back
“Cholo , your man is looking for you ”
“Yoh , here is some mouth wash and sweet, say you drank
coffee ” Slindo hands to me and I wash my mouth and spit in
her water and take a sweet.
“Be alert ok?” Sane says and I nod. I walk out of the room and
we to find him. He was by his car
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I swallow
“You called for me ” I say
“Get inside. We are going somewhere ” He says
I look at the car and him.
“Get in Cholo so we can come back” I am scared. I got in the
car
He got in as well and drove off. My heart is beating fast.
“How is the headache?” he asks
“Ok” I say and he looks at me.
“You got pills?” I shook my head and he squinted his eyes. I
remember the lie I was told to say
“I drank coffee” he doesn't seem to believe me.
It is silent until we get to the river. When was the last time I
was here. He hops out and comes to get me out. I do and he
closes the door behind me.
“Strip” What?
“Nto...”
“Now Cholo” I take off the skirt I am wearing slowly
He is looking and waiting as I strip everysibke cloth on me.
“Even the head wrap” he says.
I take it off and I am left in my natural hair.
“Go inside ” Haah, never I can't .
“What If a snake comes and takes me ” I say.
“It won't , go” he is so sure . I walk slowly onnthe rocks. I am
naked on my birthing suit. I step on the cold water and I slowly
make my way inside.
He takes off his shoes and folds the bottom ends of the
overrall. He crouches and looks at me .
“Are you comfortable?” I shake my head
”Good” He goes to the car and comes back with a 2L bottle and
throws it to me and I catch it.
“I want you to finish it ” He says.
“What is this ?” it looks yellowish
“Drink” I open it and take a sip
“Again" I take another sip and it doesn't taste nice.
“Thats everyone's pee” I gagged ,he chuckled.
“I am joking” He says
“I hate you“
“I will see you after an hour , drink all of that or we will have
problems ” I don't know what it is.
“I am sorry Please”
“Drink Cholo” He walks to the car. The water is cold at the same
time I am freezing.
“Ntozakhona!” He takes my clothes and gets in. Soon he is
gone. I stay there and I cry.

I didn't drink what he gave to me. I spilt it inside the running

water. I couldn't get out mainly because I don't have clothes
here. He doesn't know me yazi. He really doesn't. I saw his car
approaching and I swam by the rocks and I laid on my back
closing my eyes. I breathed slowly yet unnoticeably.
“Cholo!” I ignored him.
“Baby !” Still I kept my silence.
“Shit !
I stayed rooted where I am not moving. I felt him picking me up
from the water
“Shit what have I done ” He says. I am wrapped in a blanket and
he places me on leather.
“Bafo Its Cholo bafo I made the biggest mistake of my life ” I
could hear his voice breaking a bit. Shame Man.i am not falling
for it.
“I am coming ” The sound of the door closing made me open
my eyes. He seems frustrated and his head is onnthe steering
wheel.
I sit up and touch his shoulder. He turns to the back and I smile
at him.
“Check mate” I say.
“You fucked me up Cholo !” I laugh
“You left me in the cold ”
“Stop drinking" he says
“I am sorry” He clicks his tongue wiping his face and starts the
car
He is angry once again. He is at fault here.
______
I wasn't allowed to enter the family rondaval when they were
consulting the Ndlovu ancestors as I am not part of the Ndlovu
family. Ntozakhona hasn't talked to me since the river incident
and Slindo fed me her kids medication so I wouldn't get a cold.
She didn't have medication for adults I think she is still a bit
drunk as well and I would hear her saying she wants Nazo she is
feeling fuzzy. When the goat was slaughtered they disappeared
so it could only mean one thing.
“He doesn't want to talk to me” We are making steam bread for
tomorrow so we can just cook and not have much to do. We
did the peeling as well with Sane.
“We will go to my room. I have just the thing that will make him
talk” She says.
“What ?" she just giggles.
“You will see ” This one always has tricks up her sleeve
The aunts aren't very pleasant but the fathers are. I didn't want
to bump into anyone of them and I did the best as I could. We
get done with the dough and put it away. It's getting late anesy
and we have to wake up early tomorrow because it's the eating
day and the neighbours will be here. I follow Sane to her room
and she takes out a suitcase she fiddled inside
“Perfect!” She takes out a black mosquito net and hands it to
me.
“Its for the flies?" I ask.
“No man, it's for a man. Go and bath. Then wear that and let
your hair loose” I touch it
“Its tangled”
“come let me do it” I sit down and she undo my benny and
betty. She combs it and gets done.
“Just bath ,Wear and sleep all over the bed. He will start
talking” She says
“Thank you” I walk out.
I go and prepare bath water and I go and bath. I get done and
discard the water. I get inside and I go and get dressed, I look at
myself and I don't feel bad actually.
“Izobonana bafo ( I will see you back)” I hear him outside. I
switch off the lights and get on the bed and close my eyes.
The door opens and the lights are switched on. I keep my eyes
closed and I hear him coming closer. His warm breath against
my neck , he kisses it softly
“Mphefumulo wami ” I pretend to groan.
“Baby are you asleep?” he asks.
“I am trying to sleep Ntozakhona ”
“I am sorry I was a jerk earlier ” he says.
“Mmh”
He runs his fingers over my body and he is ontop of me. I feel
his buldge on my butt.
“Ntozakhona I want to sleep”
“Please baby , just two ”
“What ?”
“Rounds. You can look this amazing for me not to touch”
“You are angry at me”
“I am not ” he kisses my neck
“Please” he moves the lady thong to the side
His finger is inserted and I moan.
“I will just put in a tip real quick” This man Bathong !
_____
“A tip has been inserted now let's sleep” he rests his hand
firmly on my back and goes deeper. I gasp and moan.
“Khona ” he groans
“Fuck baby you look sexy”, he spanks my butt cheeks.i am sure
they danced somewhere and too long as well .
He thrusts in and out and creats pain and pleasure.
“Oh,ahh ” i moan
“Mmmh , shh he says. And I bite my bottom lip and he
increased his pace
CHAPTER 9

I look at myself through the mirror and I tie the head wrap
around my hair. He untied it and I turn around as he throws it
on the bed.
“I need to wear that " I say
“I love your hair. It now has grown " I struggled growing hair
when I was young.
“Uhm , it's rice water method that helped " he runs his fingers
through it.
“I love it ” It feels nice that he is massaging my sculp.
“Let me get ready " i say and he holds my waist then kisses my
lips.
“Yesterday was amazing ” I smile.
“Really ?” He nods.
“I love everything about you” he runs his fingers on my skin , I
feel a his warm breath on my skin and I feel shivers.
He nibles my neck and goes to my earlobe and he kisses my
shoulders.
“You are delaying me Ntozakhona ” I say
“I don't want to let you go"
“I am all yours " He wraps his arms around me.
“One day Ngizokumithisa ( I will impregnant you one day)” he
says.
I place my hand on my stomach.
“You will make a great mother I know.” he says. I turn around
and I look at him.
“I love you ” I say
“I love you too”
“I will discard your water " he nods and kisses my forehead. I
take it away.
_____
“Makoti Cela uze ngapha ( please come this side. )” I was
walking with Sane. We are serving people.
“Baba ?" We both stop. He signals for me.
“Go Cholo. You will catch us in my room " I nod and I walk
towards him.
“Ungathuki Makoti. Hayi angilumi ( Don't be scared Makoti , I
don't bite )” he says while looking ahead with his eyes squinted.
He places them behind his back.
I am quiet because I don't know what to say.
“Can I get you anything ?”
“You are Makhathini's daughter " I swallow.
“Ye...yes ” he nods while still looking ahead.
“Hayi anginankinga nawe ( I don't have a problem with you)”
I nod slowly . He then looks at me.
“The wives in this family are growing and gluing this family
together " I nod.
“I hope you will do the same ”
“Yes sir ”
“Baba ...” he says
“BabuGatsheni ” he smiles. He seems intimidating
“Hayi Ungahamba ntombazane ( You can go )" I nod and I walk
away
I went to the kitchen and placed the tray down. I got some
water and I went to Sane 's room and I knock once and get in.
Slindo is feeding her son.
“You took long ”
“I am intimidated ”
“We are not drinking today"
“Definetly "
I agree. Let's lay off that for a while.
“I have got you a job Cholo " Slindo says.
“Oh , where ?" I ask
“You are going to be a temporary personal assistant at a
practice in Durban ”
“Wont I fail ? I have never worked in my life " I say
“You won't. You will put in your best” I nod.
“How did you pull it off ?” Sane asks.
“Just a little waist movement on top got me all the contacts I
need " Slindo says and she takes her child in her hands and
cradles him. He is sleepy.
“Yes ! That's how you do it " Sane says
“This is extreme " I say
“If you want something. Find ways to get it from your man ”
“We need to corrupt you. Try it tonight and he will be singing
his clan names ” Sane says.
“Rule number one ,most important rules of all. Let him
dominate and think he is in control ” Slindo says
“When you know you are the one in control "
I am confused.
“Its like letting your guard down but you are not "
“Yes, I can't explain it " Sane says.
I nod.
“I see "
“Rule number two ...” this is going to be a long one. I am
learning alot
____
I jump on the bed and he follows in as well.
“I am tired ” he says
“Should I prepare bath water for you ?"
“No baby. I just want to hold you while I am sleeping " I get off
the bed and I strip my clothes.
“Switch off the lights ” he stands up quickly and undresses as I
get under the cover. He switches off the lights and gets in bed.
He pulls me close to him and I lay my head on his chest.
**********
“Nkosazane ( princess)” I turn around and it's the same person
from last time.
He was standing there with hands in his pocket. He looked fresh
and very out of this place like and also more well dressed than
the boys from this village. All I remeber is that he is a Ndlovu. I
have heard more about them after that encounter.
“Bhuti " I say taking my bucket out of the river.
“Its Ntozakhona " he says and I nod looking down.
There was silence between
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us. I picked the bucket up but he stopped me
“Ngicela imizuzwana ( can I have a few minutes)" I placed the
bucket down.
“I love you ” he said. I was shocked and he doesn't know me.
“You don't know..."
“Cholo Makhathini” he says.
“I know you " he continues
“I have to leave. My father is expecting me ” I say.
“When can I see you again ?"I put the bucket on my head.
“I have to go " I rushed off walking and leaving him behind. His
words played in my head as I walked back home.
********
“You rememeber when I first said I love you ” I smile.
“I was scared and confused” he chuckled and ran his fingers on
my skin.
“You ran away from a potential husband "
“He is my boyfriend now ”
“Not for long ” he kisses my forehead.
“I love you Cholo. Always remember that , I will try my very
best to make you happy"
“I know ”
I look at him. We are supposed to be resting but here we are
talking.
“I will do the same ” I say
“You are everything" he says. I hold onto him.
I wouldn't want to let this go again. I close my eyes and let
sleep consume me.
___
I now offically live in the city, not the rural areas and With the
job that I will get I am happy. I haven't talked to Ntozakhona
about that but wanted to wrap my head around the idea of me
working. I have prepared his favourite meal. He is home and
working , this contract thing is frustrating him. I don't really
know what it is but all I know it involves Fuel , transportation in
trucks. That's what I know. I also know that he is branching on
his own path for his own.
I am making something I don't like but hey he loves it and I am
going to beg here.
“Smells nice” he walks in as I am cooking.
“Yes. I am almost done ” he goes to get a glass of water.
“Ok” I nod and keep at what I am doing.
“Baby we need to talk " he says and I look at him.
“Yes ”
“I am thinking of sending a letter to your in laws” I drop the
spoon and look at him.
“Gatsheni ”
“MaGxabashe "
“It will come off disresctful " I say
“How ? I want to pay Lobolo so how is it disrespectful?” I sigh.
“Dabula, my ex husband. He hasn't finished a year or six
months and then you come and send a letter. It's ... It's going to
come off as that ” I say
“I don't care. I saw you first" is he claiming me? Marking me ?
“Ntozakhona " he is hearing non of it.
“I got a job ” he looks at me and sips his water. I am waiting for
him to talk
“Where ?" He folds his arms and leans by the sink. I turn the
stove down and look at him.
“At a good surgery. I will be a personal assistant” I say.
“Is it safe ?" He asks.
“Uhm well. I don't know ” he shakes his head disapproving.
“How did you get it ?" He asks.
“Slindo and Nazo” his face softens a bit.
“You want to work ?” I nod.
“If it makes you happy and you are safe then it's ok” I go and
give him a kiss.
“Thank you "
“Do what's best for you but where your safety concerns I won't
compromise” his face hardens to the last statement.
“Ofcause ” he kisses my forehead.
“ I am glad we understand that. " He puts the glass in the sink.
“I can't wait to eat" I smile and nod.
“I will bring the food to you ”
“I would love that Mphefumulo wami ,we will talk about the
Lobolo later " he walks off and I sigh. This will just look bad.
I go and take my phone. I have to call MaNdawonde. I have
missed her.
“My child. I don't know you anymore " she teases.
“Mah , I am sorry. Where I was I didn't have time to touch my
phone "
“Arew you well ? "
“Yes.i have a job now. ” she ululates.
“Thats wonderful news. God is good ” I smile.
“Are you and the others ok ? " her tone changed.
“Ye.. yes we are fine ”
“Mah "
“I am strong my child don't worry " Now she is worrying me.
“I am worried ”
“Focus on work and go to school. I am proud of you ” she
brushes me off.
“Thank you ” I am more worried about her now. I will ask
Chiliza later on. She will tell me I know .
“I have to go. Bye. I love you ” she says
“I love you too Mama " she hangs up and I look at my phone. I
am worried about her and I hope everything is well.
I finish cooking and I dish up for Ntozakhona before g
CHAPTER 10

I am in thoughts and not at ease , I can't get over how our

conversation went from sweet to sour in just a quick moment.
Turn even ! I am worried and I am thinking of going to
Nongoma to check on things.
“The subscriber you have dialed is not avai...”, I hung up and
throw my phone on the bed and I lay on it.
Chiliza , I can't seem to reach her and Ciyela. I wonder what is
happening. I am not ok , I am not. I take my phone and I try
them again. Chiliza comes through at long last. I stand up.
“Chiliza, hey how are you ?”
“Where are you ? I want to live with you ” she says , her voice
seems to be breaking"
“What is happening ?” I am shaking.
“I am pregnant ” , I was tongue tied.
“It's uncle's child ”, she bursts into a cry.
“Where do you live?”
“We are in Durban at a place called Glenashely”,I don't know
Durban. I don't even know that place
“Uhm I will try , I don't know that place”
“Ok”
She hangs up and I break down in tears. It's all my fault. Maybe
he got to Ciyela as well as MaNdawonde. I change the clothes I
am wearing and I have to think , where will I take them. This is
not my house but Ntozakhona's should I talk to him and see his
idea. Maybe he has a better plan. I walk out of the bedroom
and went down to the kitchen and I found him there eating
again.
“I am sorry, I just had to have another plate" that's not what I
am here for.
“I am going to Glenashely” I have !add up my mind.
He frowns looking at me.
“For ? "
“My family. They need me , they ....”
“Talk slowly so I can understand ” I breathe out.
“My in laws are in Glenashely. I was with Msizi because of the
traditions his father put forth and since me and my ex husband
didn't have kids together I was there to have kids with him in all
of that in exchange of a good life for my in laws. ”
“They are in trouble ” I nod.
“What were you planning to do ?” he asks. I don't know
“Go there ”
“And do what?" He looks at me.
“I would figure it out there ”
“They want you. They want me dead for taking you. ”
“So I am just going to stand here and let them suffer there. No I
won't. I would rather die Ntozakhona. ” he is silent.
“Even if it means moving to Nongoma for them to be ok I will ”
The last statement didn't sit him well.
“You would choose them over us ?” he folds his arms. This is
tricky , I love them all.
“Its a difficult thing to do” I settle for that. He gets up from his
chair and throws the plate in he sink.
“Come ” he takes the car keys and takes out his phone.
We walk out and get to his car. I get inside while he is busy with
his phone. When he is done he gets inside and it's silent. No
one is talking to anyone , maybe I shouldn't have said what I
said because now he is upset. It was very wrong of me. I place
my hand over his and look at him.
“I am sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said ”
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he is still focused on the road.
“You meant it ”
“It doesn't mean I would choose any of you or leave you. It's
just they have became my family and if anything happens to
them it's my fault ”
“Mmmh ”
“I am sorry Gatsheni”
We are both silent after that. We get to his home and he parks
the car , I won't question him until I know what is being done.
He hops out and I do the same as well as he signaled. We
approach his father who is looking at us.
“You can go inside Makoti ” I look at Ntozakhona before I walk
off.
I got inside the house and looked around. There is a helper at
the kitchen. I sit down and watch her move around , she comes
and gives me a beverage and I thank her. I drink my drink down
and sit there waiting. I will just have to trust Ntozakhona with
everything.
______
It's 7pm and no one has showed up. I am full and also sleepy , it
was the helper and me but she went to rest in her own
backroom. She told me so, I don't have my phone with me to
call him and ask what is happening. His father didn't even stay
just told me to come inside. I am worried and scared that
maybe something has happened.
The door opens and I stand up on my feet. They walk in and I
rush to MaNdawonde's arms and I break down in them. She
hugs me tightly.
“I am sorry mah, it's all my fault" I say.
“Dont cry. I am glad you are ok” She pulls us all in and we hug
her. I have missed them and I am glad that they are ok.
“You should rest", BabuNdlovu says. We nod breaking the hug.
“Let me show you where you can rest”
“Thank you ” MaNdawonde says.
I follow after them but Ntozakhona holds my arm.
“Lets talk ” I am not ready but I nod. I follow him outside and he
stops and looks at me.
“I am sorry" I say
“What you said didn't sit well with me ” he says and I look
down.
“Look at me " it's a command. I look at him instantly.
“I don't like it when you doubt my powers as a man. When I ask
you many questions it's because I want to know what I am
dealing with. Hayi ngoba ngiyislima ( Not because I am a fool)” I
nod.
“This is not over ” He kisses my forehead and spanks my butt.
“Come ” he pulls me by my waist.
“Are you angry?" I have to ask to know what I am dealing with.
“No, we don't sleep angry at each other" I nod.
“Ok” he perks my lips and we enter the house.
“What happened?”
“You don't need to know " I shut my mouth after that.
______
“Happy birthday to you ! ”
Birthdays seem to be a very big deal in this family. It's Qiniso's
birthday and it is big. Ntozakhona told me that events in the
family are very big and are sentimental.
“Say cheese !” Afika says to him with a camera and everyone is
laughing
“Get me a beer ” Qiniso says and Afika snaps a photo of him.
“Kodwa nkosi Ndzena ukuzala ukuzelula ( Oh my God ,Ncoo)
“Nx ” everyone laughs.
“I will get you guys something to drink ” I nod and Ntozakhona
kisses the side of my forehead.
“Cholo ! ” I turn my head. Oh it's Sane and Slindo. They rush to
me and we share a hug.
“You are glowing. Having a baby ?" Slindo asks.
“Oh No. "
“Its the bedroom life then ” Sane says.
“Oh Ladies these are my sister's. Chiliza and Ciyela ” I introduce
them.
They came with us to the party and MaNdawonde opted to
leave and go back to Nongoma. I am not happy but she assured
me that her sister will come and stay with her.
“You all have names that start with C” Sane says.
“We also married men that have the same initials as us. ” Slindo
says.
“Nazo is an N nje ” Sane argues. Now they will talk about this ?
“Its Snazozonke" Slindo corrects.
“Oh , I guess then. ” Sane smiles.
“Nice to meet you and your face looks familiar " Chiliza says
“I get that ” Slindo smiles.
Ntozakhona comes back with juice.
“Yabora yoh , no punch ke ?( you bore , No punch ? )” Sane
says.
“Stricy instructions. No drinking. ”
We nod.
“I will be with the gents "
“I need the bathroom ” Ciyela walks off. She has been silent
since we got here.
“Is she ok ? " I ask Chiliza
“She has a crush" Chiliza spills the beans. She is the one person
you can go to when you want information.
“On who ?” Sane asks sitting down.
“Haah , I won't tell but he is here ” we look around.
“I hope it's not my husband " Sane says.
“Which one is your husband ?” she points at Sikelela
“No, not even ”
“Is it mine ?” Slindo asks
“Which one is yours ? " she points at Nazo
“No , oh you are the Minister's wife. It's an honour to meet you
" Chiliza says.
“Oh stop it. We are chilled ” Slindo says
“Then who is it ? " I ask.
“I think he introduced himself as Sakhile ” The girls choked on
their drinks.
“Sakhile ?”
“Yeah. Wait there they are ...”
We could see them disappearing.
“Lets go see " Sane takes off her shoes and puts the glass
down.
“I am game ” Chiliza does the same and we all do it.
Ntozakhona looks at us with a frown and I just plaster an
innocent smile
We rush off to the other side of the house. We went around .
“Here they are ” Sane says in a whisper.
“I can't see " Slindo says
We take a chair for her and she gets on it. We see them
through the open side of the window. They are talking but we
can't hear them.
“What are they saying ?” we shrug.
Next thing they are kissing .
“Hawemah ” Chiliza pushes Sane by mistake and she tumbles
by Slindo who jumps off the chair and lands on me.
“Ouch” I say
“Shhh” They freeze.
They pick Slindo up and me as well.
“Did you get hurt ?" she asks.
“Just a scratch ” I say looking at my elbow. We rush off.
“Ayi that was something else " Chiliza says.
“I don't want to seem like I am jealous when I am not but I am
worried about your sister being with Sakhile ” Slindo says.
Why ?
“Why ?" Chiliza asks.
“Sakhile can lure her in his charming traps. Trust me I know
him.” Slindo says and dusts herself.
Did they once have a thing behind Nazo's back. ?
“She was married to Sakhile before. They have 3 kids together ”
Those kids are not Nazo's and they are ok with raising your
cousin's child. Well that's basically your child as well.
“Why did you break up ?”Chiliza wants to know.
“He was a serial cheat. He cheated before we even got married
but I was in love with him. We got married and I thought he
loves me because he married me. I don't know how many
woman he has cheated on me with but I also cheated with
Nazo and when he found out.....”
“Nazo ruined my wedding yazi he has to pay me my money"
Sane says and Slindo chuckles
“What did he do ?"
“He declared his undying love Infront of my husband and
everyone else ” That was messy , I can imagine.
“Maybe he has changed ” I try saying. Who am I convincing. ?
“Yes maybe. He has over the kids so maybe " Slindo says
smiling.
“Dont tell your sister what we told you " we look at Chiliza.
“I won't.”
We walk off.
CHAPTER 11

I look out of the window and I take a deep breath in and one
out. He holds my had and I look at him as he kisses it. I smile at
the gesture and it seems to be calming me down I am nervous
and it's something I have never done before. Will it go well or
will it fail ?
“Relax. You are going to be ok”, he tries to convince me.
“Ok, I will ” I say but my nerves say other wise.
“Should I go in with you or ....” I open the car door.
“I will be fine ” I grab my bag.
“Now close that door and let me open it " I close it and he hops
out , he comes and opens it for me. I hop out with his help and
he kisses my forehead.
“I am one phone call away ok ? " I nod.
“Bye "
“Bye baby” He closes the door and I walk away.
I fix my skirt a bit and I look at myself. Sane took me shopping
before I could start my new job. It has been close to two
months since Ntozakhona and I have gotten back together.
Things have been good so far. Chiliza wanted to go back to
Nongoma and we let her be while Ciyela goes to school. I don't
know who is paying since I don't think their uncle will pay again.
I walk inside the surgery and there is a receptionist.
“Hi ” I greet.
“Hi , how may I help you ?”
“I am here for the tem..." She interrupts me.
“Doctor Buthelezi is not in as yet but I will show you around ” I
nod.
“Thank you ”
“You may take a seat” I nod and went to sit down. I wonder
what doctors need assistance for.
I will see when the Doctor has arrived. I update my
overprotective boyfriend about what is happening. I can sense
that he wishes he is here holding my hand and taking me
through everything like a child going to school for the first time.
I appreciate that but I want to do this on my own. I have no
experience at all so this will be very challenging.

SLINDOKUHLE
I wrap my arms around him and his head is laid on my chest. I
don't care about the sweat but only about him calming down.
He groans a bit as I try saying calming things. He is trying to
break out of my hold. If he gets to her we will have to prepare a
set of black clothes and fake tears.
“Snalo is growing ” I say , maybe thinking about his son will
calm him down.
Things escalated last night. One of his aunt's showed up
without announcing. She kept on complimemnting him in an
inappropriate way and I didn't like it but ticked Nazo off. I
thought we were past it but when we came to our bedroom he
kept on saying. “I am not over it. You can never be over
trauma”. Sakhile put me through trauma as well but I am over
it. I learnt go let it go but I guess it's difficult for him. I have
seen my husband at his worst and his best as well. I love every
thing he has displayed to me because I love him and I have to
love the whole package.
“Calm down ” Tears streamed down his cheeks and I felt a lump
in my throat.
He tries breaking free from my hold but I don't want to budge
as much as he is strong.
“Thambalam”
He seems to calm down a bit but the little boy in him surfaces
and he is at his weakest. He is emotional and is letting
everything out. I keep on comforting him. I run my fingers on
his bare back.
“Everything will be ok ” Will it ? We have tried every therapist.
We have tried every anger management class but we always go
back to square one.
He holds onto me and as my mother side comes out. He needs
me now more than anything. His emotions are overpowering
him. There comes a knock on the door.
“Haibo kanti uwuMakoti inkabi ohlala lapho ! ( what kind of a
wife are you sitting in there )” it's the aunt . I ignore her knocks.
I kiss Nazo's forehead and pull my phone out of my pocket. I
want his father to fetch his sister. This is not it !
“Ndodakazi ”
“Baba , I have a problem. Nazo..” he interrupts
“What did he do ?"
“Your sister is here unannounced" I say. I won't sugar coat it.
“I am coming she better not be there when I land ” he hangs
up.
I look at Nazo and he is staring into space. I hate these
episodes. I wish to really know what they did to him to damage
him this much. I kiss his forehead and hold him to assure him
that I am here.

CHOLO

“This is my diary. I have scheduled surgeries that are booked at

the reception ..” I nod.
“Yes ”
“You are shaking ” I am nervous . I look down.
“I will do my best ” I say
“Lets hope so. Welcome and be calm and try your best” he
says. I nod .
“I will be in my office ” I nod.
He went inside. I turned. I will have a little desk by the
reception.
“How are things ?” she asks.
“Complicated ” I say. They really are
“You will be fine ” I nod.
I wish it seemed that very easy.
_____
I threw my body onnthe couch and I look at the ceiling. He
follows inside and goes to the kitchen. He comes back and pulls
the coffee table closer to where I am and takes my legs and he
takes my shoes off. He then massages my feet.
“A whole Zulu man doing a massage” I say and he chuckles.
“Ngidlisiwe ( I am under a love potion )” I move my legs and I sit
on his lap.
“Your support is admirable ”
“I have to ” I peek his lips.
“Thank you for everything. For loving me the most out of all the
girls.” he kisses me and I respond.
***********
“You run away from me alot " I jump and almost spill the water
that I am carrying.
I put my hand on my chest as he had frightened me.
“I am not running away” I was. I didn't even like going to fetch
water anymore because he would stop me.
“Why don't you want me to love you ?” He says with his
straight face.
“Why do you want to love me ?”
“I feel it. " He just says.
“I don't know you ” I say
“I am Ntozakhona Ndlovu ” I know his name.
“You have told me that a thousand times. "
“It could be changed but who are you ?”
“I am who I am. Nothing accompanying it after. ” He says and I
huff.
“Ok
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bye ” I turn to walk away.
“Ntokazi” I stop my tracks. I turn around.
“It would sound nice one day. My name being Ntozakhona
Ndlovu , Cholo's Husband ” My cheeks heated. He smiles and
looks down.
“They already know you at home. ” oh my God.
“I don't know you either than your name ”
“Then get to know me ”
I looked at him.
**********
I open my eyes as the door is being banged and almost taken
from its hinges. I am in bed. All I remember is him and I at the
lounge and here I am with him walking inside the bedroom kid
this. I sit up and I look at him.
“What is ....” he starts talking while passing uo and down.
“They want to start war. They are starting with me ” He says in
his own.
“Ntozakhona ”
“Fuck ! ” He throws his phone at the side lamp and he tumbles
breaking. I jump holding onto he covers really tight. What is
happening ?
He goes to the bathroom and closes the door. I look over the
bed. I get out of it when I hear water. I take my gown and pick
up the broken pieces. I went to throw the away and clean up
the place. I get done and make some tea for the both of us. I
walk up the stairs when I am done. He is out wearing his
boxers.
“Here is some tea "
“I need something strong and cold. Like a brandy or something
” I keep quiet and he walks past me and goes out. I take off the
gown as I am feeling hot.
I place the tea down and I get down with mine. Slindo once said
that alot of things can calm them down. I finish my tea and I
went to wash the dishes. I dishes the food into containers and I
put it away in the fridge. I go around the kitchen. Cleaning
around at that moment. He walks in and looks at me before he
lightly chuckles and goes to the fridge and takes out water.
“What is wrong ?” I ask. He looks at me and picks me up. He
places me on the counter and looks at me straight in the eye.
“Don' t tempt me when I am like this or I will fuck you till you
can't breath ” I swallow. I look at my nightwear. Shouldn't have
listened to sane saying this is a night dress for adults and not
what I am used to.
“Are you sure about that ?” I say , he smirks.
“Are you challenging me ?” Oh no Cholo. What have you done
?
He rips the item off my body. It looked so beautiful for it to be
done like this.
“Nto..." he pulls me by my legs and I am laid on my back on the
cold counter.
“Angithi uzenza iBad bitch. ( you are trying to be a bad bitch )"
He locks my legs firmly as his eats me roughly yet I am
enjoying.
“Oh Baby ”. I throw my head back.
His tongue is doing wonders to me. I feel my legs shaking and
he stops ,
“Turn around " He commands and I do. He spanks me and goes
down again. Roughly, he stops and spanks me.
“Come ” He picks me up and walks out of the kitchen.
“We eat on that counter ” He is not playing. He is going to show
me.
________
I look at my body through the mirror. I feel tired and he didn't
have any Mercy. I didn't get any and that's what I am looking at
, he seemed fine after from all his anger but here is where the
aner got me. It was nice though, maybe that's why Slindo and
Sane get in trouble so much because their husband's do this. He
wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck.
“I am sorry” He says and I turn to him.
“Its not bad. ” I say and he touches my neck.
“Atleast i didn't touch here” he would've killed me then.
“Get dressed. ” he says and I nod going off to get dressed.
CHAPTER 12

I knocked off quiet early today. My boss has an emergency at

the hospital and all the appointments have to be canceled for
today. I call Ciyela in the process of wanting to know how she is
and how is everything going in her life. I wait for Ntozakhona to
come and fetch me while I make this important phone call.
“Sisi wami ( my sister )” she says
“How are you?” I ask
“I am fine, school” she says
“And your boyfriend ” I add. She is silent a bit
“You have a boyfriend ?” She sighs.
“Uhm maybe ” she says
“Who is it?” I ask already I know who it is.
“You will know sometime. How is Ntozakhona?” She asks
“He is ok”
I see his car approaching.
“I have to go. I will call”
“Ok, thank you for the call bye ” She hangs up and I went to his
car. He came to me and kisses my forehead
“Are you ok?” he asks rather jumpy.
“Yes I am ok”
“Ok , let's go” He pulls himself together.
“Everything ok?” I ask
“Everything is ok” We get inside the car and he drives off.
“Baby ” I look at him.
“Just stick with me and I will sort everything out ” He says.
“Is there something wrong?”
“Business deals but it's ok” He looks stressed.
“When we get home I will do something nice for you” he smiles
and nods.

CIYELA

He holds my hand as we walk up the stairs to my room. Cholo

doesn't know where I live and she would freak out if she knew
who I am dating and is paying for my fees. I didn't mean to call
for Sakhile but the day I saw him when we were taken from my
uncle's place he charmed me and I liked what I saw.
I open the door and we walk inside. I close the door and he
settles on the bed as well.
“You must be exhausted. I cooked” I say.
Driving from Pietermaritzburg to Durban , I feel special too.
“I ate along the way, we need to talk” that is the reason why he
is here.
I join him on the bed and he looks at me. I am nervous, we
kissed at the party but never confirmed if we are in a
relationship or not. I like him so much, the guy girls usually
dram off . I have dreamed off before as well.
“We kissed that day and it got me thinking ” I swallow
Is he about to say the opposite of what I am wishing for ? I
don't think I am ready to take in anything he is about to say at
the moment.
“I like you, I really do and I would like us to start something and
see where it goes” Yes , you don't have to say anything further.
“Yes ” I agree , I want something with him. My first boyfriend,
oh I am so excited.
“As you can see I am a grown man” He is but charming as well.
“I am in my 30's ” he doesn't mention the exact but that's close
to 10 years older than me.
“Oh ok”
“I was bad in the past, did alot of things and hurt alot of people.
I am not perfect Cici but I can try. I want to try and maybe see
where we can go. I am tired of game and that's what I have
been doing. I just want you to know is that I was a womanizer. I
am not proud of it. I was once married and I have 5 children. 2
daughters and 2 boys but my first born child has deceased.They
are from different women. I am telling you this because I don't
want someone coming and telling you this when I could've
cleared the air to avoid things. ”
Baby mama and ex wife drama is not what I want.He seems like
he has alot of baggage but I want to give him a chance it's just
that ladies always have drama.
“Your ex wife and Baby mama , I don't want that drama ”
“You won't have that. Ase's mother passed on and Slindo is
married” Slindo ?
“Slindo?” he nods.
“Wait how.. which Sli..” he holds my hands.
“Calm down. Yes Slindokuhle who is Nazo's wife is my ex wife
and the mother of my 4 kids. Including the one who is no more.
Slindo doesn't have drama and she loves her husband. We just
communicate regarding the kids and there is no issue. I
promise”
I am skeptical but he knows her and she seems nice so I don't
think we will have any problems. He takes off his jacket and
pulls me to his chest.
“I will leave tomorrow morning ”
I nod.
“I will give us a chance but cheat on me and I will leave you. I
don't believe in sex before marriage so please respect that” I
say to him and he kisses my forehead.
“I will try my very best to make you happy” I smile.
“Thank you”
“Thank you for giving me a chance” I nod.
I mean who wouldn't give him a chance. I can't wait to tell
Chiliza about this.
_____
CHOLO

We had planned a massage date with the ladies. It's the 5 of us

and we are visiting Slindo in Johannesburg. The city is busy for
me and already I am trying to adjust to Durban and it's going
well. The whole Place is booked just for us and we are relaxed
here , Ntozakhona just said I am leaving for a few days, I will
come back when everything is sorted.
“I can't seem to get through to Sikelela” Sane says and I look at
her.
“Been having the same issue with Nazo”
“I thought Sakhile was playing me. I was ready to leave " We
look at Ciyela
“Wait you are dating Sakhile?” Sane asks. She didn't confirm it.
“Oh my word. Congratulations” Slindo says with much joy and
we look at her.
“Can I have sandwiches please?” She asks the lady and she
walks off.
“Uhm yes. He made it official 2 days ago” she shyed off.
“What did he say?” Sane asks.
“He was honest with me and told me about his past ” She looks
at Slindo.
“I guess I was included huh?” She nods.
“Well don't worry, I have my man and he is mmmh that thing is
mine ” Slindo says and we laugh.
“I will try Ntozakhona later” I say.
“So, I heard we will be heading wedding bells from you” Slindo
says.
“What ? ” I am confused.
“Well Ntozakhona was going to ...oops” She shuts her mouth.
“Talk” Sane says looking at her.
“He wants to propose” They scream. He has mentioned sending
a letter but we stopped that day we spoke.
”He didn't tell me anything ”
“Obviously he doesn't have to" Ciyela says.
“But It will look bad that my husband just died and now I am
getting married. Maybe wait a year or two”
“You are drunk now ” Chiliza says
“Haibo ! ” I look at her.
“She is right , you can mourn Dabula Forever and besides.
Mama won't have a problem ” Ciyela says
“You just don't understand. " I say
“You don't understand how much that man loves you” Sane
says
“Yeah, give it to him” Slindo says.
“Can we have more wine?. Where we are going it's forbidden ”
Sane shouts
“Yes please ” Slindo agrees.
Chiliza is having some juice while at that and I want wine as
well just to relax. My thoughts roam around the idea of
marriage. Yes I love Ntozakhona. I want to get married to him
one day and be his wife and mother of his kids but timing is the
problem.
_______
We leave the spa pretty late and we get to have dinner at a
fancy restaurant all because of our boyfriend's and husband.
Chiliza is the only one who doesn't have a partner and her
answer is.“Why would I need a partner when your men include
me in spoiling you guys ?”. That's her conclusion but in all
honesty I am worried about her. Yes I don't want her to date
now but what she went through is something that can scar her.
Sane and Slindo are not slowing down on the wine and Ciyela
has joined in. One
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two glasses and she can't see properly.
I got her water so she can downing down but she refused , she
wants more of that sweet drink that Slindo is having. We are
eating fancy, Ciyela , Chiliza and I use spoons to eat as we can't
handle fork and knives.We have more drinks and my phone
rings. It must be Ntozakhona.
“Hello” Everyone looks at me. I stand up and walk away from
them.
“You sound different ” He says
“Oh , my voice is fading ” I say.
“Are you drinking ?" He is waiting for me to lie and I do.
“No ”
“Cholo ”
“I am not, I am having juice, i think I am catching a flue ”
“Ok , call me after an hour ”
“Ok , I love you"
“I love you too" he hangs up
I walk back to the girls and we have some more food. Slindo
calls an can and she pays for the drinks and leave the food to be
payed by her husband. We get in one and it takes us to her
house. It's big and beautiful ,fit for a queen like her and I am
sure her husband bought it for her more than him included. We
walk inside and Ciyela is thrown on the couch.
“I am going to switch off the cameras” Slindo says and walks
off.
Why would she do that ? She only knows.
“Can I have more wine?” Ciyela says
“No ,that's enough for you ” Chiliza holds her
Slindo comes back with more drinks and it's a drinking party.
Ciyela is now resting off the alcohol. Atleast we will see these
men when we are sober , for now let's have some fun
_______
The sun is what woke me up at this hour. We are all curled up
on one bed. I open my eyes and stares are on us. I pat Same ,
Slindo and the rest of them quickly. We are in trouble, shit I
didn't call him after an hour.
“Mmmh Cholo sleep ” Sane groans.
“Sanelisiwe” She wakes up quickly to the sound of her husband.
We are naked and only in our underwear.
“All of you off the bed ” We get off the bed.
“I have a headache" Ciyela says.
“Thats why you get for drinking” Sakhile is pissed off.
“ I didn't do anything ” Chiliza says , true
“We didn't do anything ” Sane adds. I am in it woy Ntozakhona
but wine is nice honestly.
We are following each other in a line like we are in primary
school. We are led out to the pool side and Chiliza is the one
who is left behind.
“We go out there sacrifinsing our lives our wives home in this
state "
“Jump inside. All of you” Nazo says.
We look at the pool. I will drown in there , I look at
Ntozakhona.
“We can't swim ” Ciyela says
“Should've known when you were drinking like a fish "
We mess us, can't they accept we have a good time . They girls
having a good time .
“Its either you jump in or have an ice bath" They suggest
“Weeh , how about you just Punish us in the bedroom" Sane
suggests.
“Musa ukusa wena ( Don't be smart with us)” Sikelela says.
I just started crying and they all join in.
“yeyi Yeyi Yeyi !, Nikhalelani ( Why are you crying?)” They are
panicking.
“We are sorry” I say , the tears are dropping.
“Yes we are just having a good time. Yobe Gatsheni ( sorry)”
Sane says
“Yes , wine is healthy. It's just wine" Slindo cries the most . It's
like someone died.
Nazo can't resist and embraces her.
I run to Ntozakhona's arms and he takes me in.
“Uyisghebengu wena ( You are a crook)” He whispers in my
ear.
I keep on crying as he runs his fingers on my back.
We got away with it just like that.
CHAPTER 13

He looks at me as I get dressed and shakes his head. He has

been doing that since morning . I get done and I turn to look at
him and he stands up from the bed and comes towards me. I
place my hand on his chest and he flinches a bit. I look at him
“What's wrong ?"
“Nothing ” He says.
I move his top up and he has a bandage. I look at him
“Its nothing serious” This what? The 100th time I have seen him
injured.
I move away from him and he holds my waist.
“I am sorry , I am ok” tears stream down my cheeks and he
hugs me gently.
“I am sorry ”
“I don't want you to die” That's where it's heading if this keeps
on going on.
Are they playing who can dodge the bullet all the time ?
“I won't die ” He says , I remove myself from his hold
“How sure are you ?” I ask
“I know.” he says.
He wipes my tears as I sniff
“Don't worry” I worry , alot.
“Ok?” He continues and I nod.
“Give me a kiss ” I perk his lips.
“The others are waiting " I say
“Can we have a quick chat " He says
“Is it important?" he nods and I went to sit on the bed.
He joins me and he holds my hands.
“I love Cholo, so much and you know that. I have always wished
for the day we would be together again after you left but it
seemed like a distant dream. I waited and the wait was too long
and I ended up with Nelisiwe because of many things but I
won't go there for now. I will later. I want us to get married
without anyone or anything stopping us. If I die I want to die
your husband , that would make me happy" He smiles.
Why is he talking about death?
“Are you dying ?” he shook his head.
“No, but I want to send a letter to your in laws. ”
“Ntozakhona, it's all fast” I say
“Its not, we are actually wasting time if we wait. I have loved
you for over 10 years and so have you. If you feel like I am
pressuring you then we can wait till you are ok” he says
He is not pressuring me. I wouldn't want anything more than to
be his wife , his helper , his forever and peace till we die. I am
just scared about what my in laws will says. Dabula hasn't even
lasted a year underground. I want to marry him and be his wife
more than anything. Is it wrong of me to want that ? I sigh.
“Ok” I reply
“Ok, as in ...?”
“You can send the letter. We can get married”
“Really?” He asks and I nod with a smile.
He gives me a big kiss and I laugh. He gets on me and we share
a kiss. His hands go to my dress and he removes the straps.
“There are people in the house” I say through the kiss.
“I will lock the door"
He goes and locks it. He takes off his top and comes to me.
“I love you” he says.
“I love you more” He carries on kissing me and caressing my
body.
CIYELA

We are in the kitchen making some breakfast and Cholo hasn't

came down with her man. Chiliza is drinking some water while
looking at Sane who is talking. She is talkative and bubbly in a
way. Enjoys nice time as well.
“Cholo saved us ” She says
“Nazo said he will get me ” Slindo says while taking the
sausages from the pan.
“Don't they get tired ” Sane says.
“Nazo talks about image. I am the Minister's wife and I have to
have a good image. I can't be drunk” She says taking out the
cutlery's.
“Why doesn't he also you to drink at home or when you are
with him ” I ask.
“I don't know. One thing I know is that I won't give up having a
great time ”
“Me too shame. ” Sane says drinking water.
“Help me set up the table ” Slindo says and we take the food.
“Where is Cholo?” Chiliza asks.
“They are punishing her. She cried first” Sane says.
Sakhile walks in the kitchen and my heart beats faster.
“Can I borrow Ciyela ?” he says.
“There is a fine for that " They say , haibo I want to go
“I won't give you money ” he frowns.
“No, baby sitting the kids for a week” Sane says.
He looks at us and is defeated.
“Sure”
They high 5 with Slindo.
“You are smart”
“We are going on a trip. We need baby sitters ” Trip ? What's
trip ? There woman will be the death of me.
“Come. I want to tell Nazo we are going ” The all walk out.
“I am sorry" I quickly say. I also participated in the crying. I saw
it was a solution.
“That act you all pulled" I look down. He sighs and places his
hands in his pockets.
“You don't tell me you drink ” He says not pleased.
“I ... It was my first time ” He says.
“I won't drink again " I say , I fiddle with my fingers.
“I am not controlling you Cici, I don't mind if you enjoy wine but
when I am there atleast. It would ease my mind. There are men
out there who are vultures and would take advantage of you
one day and I don't want that mistake ” He is making sense.
“I am sorry” I say
“Its ok
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next time just be careful" I nod
“Come here ” I go to him and he gives me a hug, it's warm and I
love being in his arms, he kisses my forehead and I smile.
I love him and it's all good quick. My feelings are quick but I
trust him and love him.

CHOLO

We went down stairs after being cleaned up and we have

freshened up. He holds my hand as we walk into the dining
room. They all look at us and I look away , it's like they know
what we have been up to upstairs. I sit next to Ntozakhona
when we settle.
“I think that everyone is here we have issues to raise " Nazo
says looking at everyone.
We are in trouble, I guess we didn't get away with it.
“The drinking issue” He starts , the food is Infront of us and I am
hungry but no one is moving.
“I won't speak for the others but I have spoken to my wife in
private on that matter, we fuss over it because when you are
not around us we don't want to wonder who is taking
advantage of you all when you are drunk, it's best if we are
there. ” Nazo says
“Or when you are home with us ” Sikelela adds.
“So we can have wine ?" Sane says
“Yes, not more than 2 glasses a day" Sakhile adds.
“Sifile ke lapho ( We are done for there )” Sane softly whispers
and I am the only one who hears her because she is next to me.
This one is a certified drunken , that is confirmed.
“Are we clear?” we all nod.
“Another thing ” Nazo says and looks at Ntozakhona. I look at
him.
“You all are going to Msinga for 2 weeks ” What ?!
“No ! We are going on a vacation Babakhe please" Slindo
pleads.
“Sakhile promised to baby sit. ” Sane adds. These two are
something else
“I am sorry, your safety comes first" Nazo says and I look at
Ntozakhona.
“So you put us in danger ? ” Nazo holds Slindo's hand.
“We will talk" He says.
“What is going on ?” Sane asks.
They are the only ones talking we are just girlfriends and we
can't say much .
“The less you know the better”
“I hope you don't die Nazo cause I will slap you inside that
casket." Slindo is livid.
“Just think of me and another man if you put yourself in danger
" Sane points at Sikelela.
“That shit won't happen” he says
I look at Ntozakhona and he holds my hand. I am scared of
loosing him to forever , what if something happens to him.
“I am pregnant. I am hungry" Finally someone says it.Chiliza
complains. She is not even showing as yet.
“You can dish up " She does and I do the same. I can't let
hunger kill me.
I stuff myself with a sausage and egg. The wives are on their
husband's throats about the matter that we are leaving.
“I don't want to see your aunt's !" Slindo says.
“We don't have a choice Slindo" Nazo replies. She is not happy
at all.
“Cholo and I are getting married ” I choke on the sausage and
everyone is on their feet. Water is brought forward and I drink
up. I know that we discussed and agreed but it was just said
unexpectedly.
“When ?” Nazo asks.
“I will send the letter by today and maybe by this weekend
eveeything will be done regarding Lobolo" that's is quick.
“This weekend ? What's the rush ?” Sikelela asks.
“I want this out of the way before they can go to Msinga " He
looks at him.
“Ok then. Is baba sending the letter ?" Nazo asks and
Ntozakhona nods.
“Yes" he looks at me.
“Comgratulations Honey ! ” Sane is now cheer some. She
comes and hugs me .
Wasn't she threatening her husband a few minutes ago . Even
Slindo joins in.
“This calls for a celebration "
“Celebrate with water and sugar ” Sikelela says as he grabs a
plate. Sane gives him a look.
“You can suck someone's mood. Just 2 glasses”
“No" They sit down. We all indulge in breakfast and eat.
After the breakfast we went to wash the dishes.
“So where is the ring?” there is supposed to be a ring ?
Slindo holds my hand.
“You need one ” she says.
“Is it part of the tradition ?"
“Honey this is past the 90's. ” Sane says
“A nice diamond would fit" Slindo smiles.
“There goes our trip” Chiliza says.
“Awungitsele we oe ( Tell me about it)"Sane says
“I am not ready for the aunt's. ”
“I have to do my nails. I don't want them to send me around ”
Sane says.
“We will go to the river and sing. It's nice" They look at me.
“What ?" I ask.
“Ayi , fetching water and nice ” Slindo says.
“It actually is , maybe it's because we have stayed in a rural
area for years. " Ciyela adds.
“Yes, don't bring your expensive clothes” I say
“ I might learn to cook all traditional foods" Sane says.
“We can teach you " Chiliza adds.
“I want to learn how to make Zulu beer. That's the only thing
my grandmother hasn't taught to me ” Slindo says.
“This will be fun ” I say
“Makoti Boot camp 101,I have to get us T-shirts” Sane says now
excited.
“And arrive in style ” Slindo adds.
“And show those aunt's what we are made off " Chiliza adds
and we laugh.
“Now I can't wait ” Sane rushes out. This one doesn't know the
rural area that much.
CHAPTER 14

He rolled his pants up by the legs and he walks towards me. He

touches my back softly and I stand up with the bucket full of
water. I was used to him bombarding me when I came to fetch
watwr alone or with the others. It was nice seeing him from
time to time and was quiet interesting , I wanted to know all
about him and what he does , his clothes , the way he looks I
was mesmerised about all of that.
“You look bare today” He says and I looked at and I look at
him.
I didn't see any issue in that. I had just came from the reed
dance with my sister and it was wonderful but now I have
water to fetch so I can cook. My father always kept record of
our virginity. It was very important to him.
“I was at the reed dance” I said and he nodded.
“Have you ever been to one?” I asked him and he shook his
head
“For?” He asked.
“To choose a wife ” I picked up the bucket and placed it on my
head.
“I already have one ” He said.
“Who ?” his gaze didn't move from me.
“You” I blushed and walked away from him.
“I love you !” He shouted , those words he never failed to say
everyday. I was starting to fall for him as well.
I loved him as well and still do.
**************
“Why do you seem worried?” Ciyela asks.
I snap out of my thoughts and I look at him. It's the day of my
lobolo negotiations andnwe are going to Msinga after this.
“Will everything go well?” I ask myself.
“Everythjng will be ok” Chiliza says.
We are in Dabula's bedroom and I look around it. It's still the
same way I left it. Neat and clean. The bedroom door opens
and MaNdawonde walks inn she comes and hugs me.
“How is everything ?” Ciyela asks.
“BoMalume are angry. They felt disrespected hence they are
giving them a hard time” Oh god no. I should've just eloped
with him.
“Can't you do something?” Chiliza asks.
“I can't intervene. We just have to wait ”
“How much are they charging ?” Ciyela asks.
I am scared and nervous at the same time. These old crooks
can't ruin this for me , I refuse !
“I don't know. They are speaking to your fiance about the price
increase ”
“I was married before , I am not a virgin" I point that out. What
are they charging that much.
MaNdawonde laughs a bit and pulls me to sit on the bed.
“But you are valuable Cholo. You are worth it , each and
everyone of you ”
“They are going to buy nip with that Money and a new leather
jacket. I heard One of them say ” Chiliza says.
Leather jackets. No that money is going to Mah here.
“Your uncles ” She says. Those broke leaches. They are seeing a
money making opportunity. I am livid.
“Calm down ” Ciyela sees my rage and I want to cry.
My phone rings and I jump to take it. I answer the call.
“Hello”
“Hey honey. how are you?” It's Sane.
“Nervous. The uncles are trying to ruin things " I say
“Yeah I heard ” she says
“I am sure they have turned back" I lay on the bed.
“No, we are still here , Your man told them to give them what
they want. Phela ukufuna lah ( He wants you now ), who will
warm his bed when you are left behind. ?”
I sigh.
“I don't know"
“Just wait a few seconds. I have the t-shirts here ” She really did
them ? Such a determined woman she is.
“I will let the others know ” I say.
“Ok,bye love" She hangs up.
“Its Sane " I say and the others nod.
“Let me check how everything is going " Mah stands up and
goes out.
“Dont worry. ” They try to calm me down. I haven't even seen
or talked to Ntozakhona in 2 days. I miss him.
I miss him so much and is tempted to call him but I know his
phone is not with him.
________
Finally ! Everything went well after they got their claws on the
Ndlovu's and sucked them dry. They could be like that. The only
people who were going to be served were Abakhongi , we
won't eat and so as the others outside.
We packed up and went out to where our rides are. I rushed to
him and gave him a hug. He sighed and kisses my forehead.
“I love you" he says
“I love you too”
We break the hug.
“Congratulations. Here is your tshirt.” Sane gives it to me and
Ntozakhona is confused.
“Asambeni ! ( let's go)” Sikelela shouts and we all hop in the
cars. Soon enough we are driving off. I take off my top and doek
and I wear the t-shirt.
“You don't wear a bra?” I nod
“My breasts are not saggy” I try shedding light as to why I don't
wear one.
“I see ” He moves his free hand and goes under the t-shirt.
It goes to my breast and he squeezes it a bit and keeps on
playing with them.
“Ntozakhona ” He chuckles and removes his hand.
“You always touch them " He says
“Its nice when I do ” he says and I shake my head.
His phone rings and it comes through to blue tooth. He answers
it .
“Bafo"
“They will block us as we come out. We need to use the other
route out ” it's Nazo
What is really going on here ?
“Sure” he hangs up and I look at him .
He looks at me and looks away.
”Ntozakhona Ndlovu ”
“Mmmh ?"
“What is going on ?"
“Something small ” he says.
“Small yet we are shipped to the rural area and now being
blocked. Don't tell you are involved in illegal activities " I point
at him.
“I am not. The only crime I committed is being with Nelisiwe"
He is focused on the road.
“What did she do ?"
“Thats enough. ! Just know I will handle everything ” He says a
bit pissed with me prying.
I keep my silence and look outside the window. He passes by a
franchise and gets food. I don't eat because I have lost my
appitie. Why is he not telling me what is really going on ? I have
to know as well
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I am about to be his wife so we don't have to keep secrets from
each other.
“So you are going to starve yourself ?” He says after some time
of me not eating.
”I am not hungry” I don't look at him.
“Eat Cholo. I won't have you not eating "
I ignore him.
“I think we should lay down some rules in this marriage thing.
Number 1, you eat no matter how angry or what emotion you
are feeling. We don't sleep angry at each other. We solve issues
and we communicate ,Now eat. " He says.
I take the wrap .
“Funny how you talk about communication but someone lacks
it "
“I am trying ”
“What is Nelisiwe doing then ?"
“Damnit Cholo ! Eat and don't ask unecessary questions " I click
my tongue.
“I will cut that tongue out and fry it " he is seriously pissed and
so am I.
I look out of the window and I shove the wrap in my mouth and
forcefully eat it.
The rest of the drive to Msinga was very silent. No one
bothered to talk to anyone at that moment.
_____
We arrived on time at his home stead and we got out of the
car. I didn't even notice what the t-shirts were written. Slindo
rushes to me and gives me a hug and I return it. Hers is written
First Makoti and I assume Sane's says that as well.
“You are offically part of the Ndlovu Wives club" I chukle.
“We will talk later" She sees that there is tension and walks
away.
I take my bag and leave the big bags to the tough guy . I walk
away to the room I will be using. His room that is and I place my
hand bag on it. He walks in and places my suit case at the
corner and stands Infront of me. I sit on the bed and take a
breather.
“I am leaving ” he says and I nod.
“Cholo, when I do things it's because I am protecting you.
Somethings are better off not known. Just know I will handle
everything and we will be ok” he continues.
“Honestly why are we here?” I ask.
“Just trust me ” he says.
I nod while sighing. I am defeated at the same time.
“Am I forgiven ?”
“Yes” I say
“Ok , kiss me good bye” I stand up and give him a kiss.
“There is a gift in your suitcase. I will gift it properly when I see
you ” I nod.
I walk him out and soon they all leave. We stand there for some
time.
“BoMakoti anize nizo sebenza , Anizele ukuzoba unobukiwe lah
!( Hey ! Come and work , you are not here to be a statue !)”
they have started.
“Lets go ” we all turned and went to wear suitable shoes. Sane
specifically because she is wearing heels.
I am sure she did it go piss these aunt's off. I went to the
suitcase and I opened it up. I saw a white envelope and I
opened it.
“You will find the greatest gift at the first place we met" That's
the river. I will go there later.
I close the bag and I walk out to help around. They even closed
the bathroom in the main house saying it is wasting water even
the stove , we are not allowed to use it.
“I will commit murder tonight" Sane gives one of the aunt's a
killer stare and carries on chopping
“They don't have a life" Slindo says. I agree.
We carry one ith working.
_______
“Wont a snake come out of there ?” Chiliza shakes her head
and she gets in the water and dips her bucket inside. The rest
follow and do the same. I am already done with my bucket.
I walk to the spot where I first met Ntozakhona. I won't forget
that day ever in my life. I stood there and looked around. I saw
a white something and I went to it. I took the envelope and
there is a box. I take it as well. I open it and it's a ring. I smile ,
in Movies they go down on one knee. He couldn't even give it
to me atleast from him.
I open the envelope and it has a sweet note. I close it.
“Cholo asambe ( let's go)" Ciyela says
“What is that ?" Chiliza asks
I turn to them.
“A ring ”
They leave their buckets and rush to me. It's out of the box and
on their hands. They are already fitting it on their fingers.
“Oh my God. He has taste !” Slindo says.
“I feel like mine was bought from the taxi rank now ” Sane looks
at hers and they laugh.
“It looks beautiful"
Slindo slips it in my finger. It fits perfectly.
“This is my wedding ring" I say. I don't want to buy another. It
comes from a sacred place.
“My fellow sister , you ... You Ayi I give up ” Sane claps her
hands and walks away.
“This is the spot I first met Ntozakhona " I say
“Thats so cute. I met Nazo at a stadium and he was with his
psycho girlfriend back then ” Slindo says.
“Why are you saying psycho?” Chiliza asks.
“She once choked me because of Nazo's actions. He loved me
more than her " She smiles so cute. This woman is beautiful !
“Sikelela and I met at a club. I don't know why he doesn't want
me to drink now. I told him if it's between him and alcohol. I
would go for alcohol. I love him but that thing has been my
friend since 15 ” Sane says and in her sentence there is some
sadness. I wonder.
“Lets go and make fire! " she sounds like her hyper self again.
We carry our buckets and they struggle a bit but they get the
hang of it on the way. We start singing some songs with Ciyela
and Chiliza and the two join in with us . They are enjoying as
well.

SANELIWSIWE

I am tired from the events of today,my neck mostly from

carrying that 20L bucket from the river back to the house.
Those aunt's are torturing us when there is a tap in the yard but
no. They locked it. Lock and all. I throw myself on the bed and
take off my shoes. My feet hurt and I need to take a bath for
this. My phone rings and I take it, I check the caller Id and it's
my husband. I answer it.
“Muntu wakhe ( Her person)" I say.
“I miss you ” I smile and lay on my stomach.
“I miss you too” I say.
“I found 2 Stashes in your bag " I run to it. No ! How are we
going to cope now ? Me ?
“Sikelela ...”
“You need some time off Sanelisiwe ” tears roll down my
cheeks.
“Si...”
“No , I love you and this is me loving you. People have alcohol
posioning. Day in and out. After this I am taking you to rehab or
something to get over this addiction”
“I am not going to cope ” I say
“You will cope . Everyone copes without alcohol " He doesn't
understand. He doesn't know and understand !
I hang up and I sit in a corner. I hold my feet and I cry. My
phone rings and it's him. I throw it on the bed and I cry my
lungs out.
CHAPTER 15

My phone rings and I am about to rest. I take it and it's

Ntozakhona, I smile while sitting on the bed and I answer his
call.
“Sthandwa sam” He says.
“How are you? Have you eaten ?” , I ask.
“Yes, I am ok and I have eaten.”
“Ok then.” I miss him already.
“Baby ,Sikelela is worried about Sane. She is not answering his
calls and We can't reach Slindo ”
I stood up.
“I will check her and call you ” I say
“Ok, he is really worried. He is thinking of coming down there
right now ”
We were ok with Sane , I wonder what's wrong now.
“i will check on her ” I say.
“Ok, I love you ”
“I love you too”
The line goes off and I took my gown and wore it. I went out of
the flat and made my way to Sane's room. I knocked on the
door.
“Sanelisiwe , it's Cholo” I heard the door unlocking and she
threw herself in my arms.
She was crying and I wonder why, I just brush her back slowly
“It will be ok, let's go inside” she removes herself and wipes her
tears.
We walk inside and I close the door while she sits on the bed.
“What is wrong?” I have to ask, did Sikelela say something that
upset her ?
“Its nothing ” she dismisses me. Something is definitely up right
now .
“You can speak to me and it's ok.”
“I am an alcoholic” she says with a chuckle and sniffs. Well we
know that but I don't say. I sit next to her.
“Why do you consume so much alcohol?” I ask
“I cope with it Cholo, my mind has been traumatised so much
from a young age ” she says
She wipes her tears and I am in silent. I will let her cry and
speak when she wants to.
“My life is a mess and Sikelela says I need help” She does .
“Do you think you need help?” I ask
“I don't know ” she says.
“Your husband is worried about you. Call him before he comes
here” she giggles.
“He is being dramatic” these Ndlovu men don't play. They will
be here quickly.
“Just a call”i say and she nods.
She takes her phone and looks at me.
“I will tell you one day Cholo” I nod and stand up.
“My arms are always open for comfort ” she nods.
“Thank you ” I kiss her forehead and I leave her to call her
husband. I went back to the flat to call my man.
“Baby” he says so quickly
“She is fine " I say
“Ok , thank you. I will call you tomorrow. ”
“ok bye ” he hangs up and I lay on the bed.
_______
The next morning I woke up very early around 4 am and went
to make fire so we canbath and start with the day. These aunt's
are really giving us a hard time. I went to everyone's room and I
knocked on their door. Slindo opens
“Its so early Cholo” she stretches her body.
“Good morning Mrs Ndlovu
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your bathing water is ready” She looks at me.
“Its even dark outside Cholo” I nod with a smile and she gives
me a look
“Can I sleep for 2 more hours? ” I shake my head.
She groans and walks inside to wear a gown and she comes out
following me , we went to wake the others. They are not happy
and Sanelisiwe seems to be better today. I hope she really is
and since yesterday I have been worried about her. We all got
bath water and we went our seperate ways and bathed. After
we were done we discarded the water and then went to the
main house. We knocked as they have locked themselves inside
and knocked.
“Hayike phela safa we want to eat ” Sane bangs the door.
Seriously is this what we are going to face for 2 weeks ?
“I am calling Nazo. This is utter nonsense” Slindo dials her
phone.
We keep on knocking.
“We should've brought our own food ” Ciyela says.
“Hello , it's in there. They should give us our food" Sane says.
I keep on knocking.
“Damnit ! Nazo is not answering his phone ” Slindo huffs
frustrated.
“Lets burn the house down !!” Sane shouts and we look at her.
“What ?" the door opens and the aunt looks at us.
“Nisibangela umsindo ( you are making noise)" she gave us a
look.
“We want the food we came with and don't look at us that,
usuthi uneme ( you are full and happy ) That's our food ” Sane
says and I hold her hand as she points at the aunt. Her fire
should die down a bit.
“Sane " I shake my head. Yes the aunt's are wrong but we have
to respect. This is her in law.
“Cholo ..." I shake my head and she huffs before clicking her
tongue.
“You all forget that you are married into this family. This our
yard and what we say goes. If we want to starve you then we
will and take it as a wife !” the aunt says.
“Laphoke angivumi ( I don't agree with that )” Slindo pushes her
way in and Sane follows. The aunt pulls Chiliza and she Yanks
herself.
“Nazi ingulube zinginonela. Dade ! Dade webo Dade
nizongibonisa imihlola , udoti labafana abawuganile ! ( my
Goodness, come and see what rubbish these boys have taken
as wives)" Sane takes an empty bucket and she is loading
everything that is in the cupboards.
Slindo opens the fridge and takes out the meat and leave only
butter. Sane passes the bucket to Chiliza who moves out with
it.
“What is going on here?!” The fellow aunt's walk in.
“Ciyela take that kettle. My husband bought it " Sane points at
it and Ciyela grabs it.
“Cholo take something ” Slindo says and I just grab what I can
grab what is going on ? Oh we are taking food. ”
“Stop it ! All of you "
Slindo closes the fridge and walks out with the meat in another
bucket.
“Good luck ”
We all walk out and went to Slindo's room and placed
everything.
“You are savage " Ciyela says to Sane.
“Those aunt's think that they can just bully us " Sane says.
“And I am tired of it. ”
Chiliza grabs milk and Cereals.
“Open your mouth ” she comes forth.
“What ?"
“We don't have dishes” she shrugs.
“I remember a set I bought. It's in there ” Sane stands up and I
pull her down.
“I think they have had enough for the day.
________
We are laying in Slindo's room. We have just watched a movie
and ate what we ate. We are thinking of just leaving this place
and going somewhere. Somewhere where pur husbands won't
find us. Slindo called a cab and we went to our rooms. We
switched off our phones and went to pack our clothes. I got
done and I went to Slindo's room.
“The cab is here ”
“Please, can we leave "
“We will go to my mother's house ” Ciyela suggests .
“Ok,We are going to Nongoma. I hope we will have fun " Slindo
says excitedly.
“MaNdawonde is a sweet person "
“Lets go then " We went out of the room and the aunt's were
looking at us.
“Don't come back! " They shout.
“We won't ” Sane says. We get inside the cab after loading our
things.
The cab moves and i look at my phone. He said he would call
but he hasn't, I am worried but with these ladies here , they are
distracting me. They are really a ball of fun and I am enjoying.
Sane is clinging on me and I don't really mind. I think she is Inna
bad space and would need a friend. I lay my head on her lap
and I close my eyes. We did wake up early.
______
“Amamntombazane amahle kanje , Ngibusisiwe me namuhla (
Beautiful girls here in my yard. I am so blessed)" MaNdawonde
says as she hugs and kisses us.
“You left yesterday and come back again. Ungangitseli ukuthi
sebeyakubuyisa ngoba sengiyidlile imali ( don't tell me they are
bringing you back because I have spent the money )” we laugh
“Cha ,sivakashile ( No , we are visiting )" I say as we walk inside.
“I was about to make Zulu beer. Phela kwaGoba kunomsebenzi
manje badinga utswala besizulu ( The Goba family has a
ceremony and they need Zulu beer )" she says
“Go and put your bags down.” She continues.
“I will share with Cholo" Sane says first.
“Lets go ” We went to the room I used to use and she closed
the door.
“I think I am ready to tell you but tonight" She says.
“Ok, Uhm then we will speak tonight" She smiles.
“I do trust Slindo it's just that she has alot of problems to solve
and bringing mine is just going to be too much " She smiles and
wears her flops and takes off the does.
“My expensive weave needed the fresh air " She says running
her fingers through it.
I look at her , she is beautiful and has a beautiful heart. I hope
whatever that is bothering her is healed.
“You are beautiful” I say and she looks at me and smiles.
“You are too" We share a hug before we walk out and go to
help MaNdawonde out. She is giving us busicuits and tells us
there is some food from yesterday if we are hungry and we are.
We couldn't stay at that place for 2 whole weeks. Shame no.
CHAPTER 16

We are officially removed from the city life and now part of the
rural area. We have African mask (Ibomvu) for the past week
and a half we have been here , we even look like the wives here
and have gained weight. MaNdawonde has been feeding us so
much you would swear I am pregnant but I am not. That I
know.
“Gaya mabele , Gaya Mabele KaZulu
Gaya Mabele , Gaya Mabele KaZulu
Izwe lakithi , Izwe lakithi KaZulu
Izwe lakithi , izwe lakithi KaZulu...”
We kept on singing while collecting the blankets from the river.
We woke up very early just so we can wash them and leave to
go and help out. Now they are dry and we are collecting them.
Sane hasn't told me what's bothering her and we haven't
opened our phones. We are too carried away with being here
and having fun.
“Dudlu Ntombi madolo kanyoko , angithuki wena. Ngithola
Uthando, qoma Ntombi ngafa inhlamba kanyoko !( courting ) ”
We turn around holding the blankets and we look at these men
standing over the rocks by the river.
“Seniyongifica phambili( You will catch up to me ), Sikelela has
my eyes and I can't see them ” Sane says while walking away.
They come to us and stand infornt of us. There are 3 of them.
“Zweli” Chiliza says.
“It has been 2 years" he says to her. The leader of the group by
the looks.
“Keep on trying " She says and he smiles.
“Mama ”
They look at us.
“Abafowethu bangajabulela ukuthola oMakoti abanye abahle
njengani ( My brother's will be happy with having second wives
like you )”
“They are married Zweli, you are married too" Chiliza says.
“I will see you ” He smiles and she turns and walks away.
“Zweli from where ?” I ask, surprisingly I don't know him.
“He is the son of the new Induna after dad” I nod.
“This is fun and all but I can't live here ” Slindo says.
She has adapted to the city too much and so as us. We are
liking the city as well.
“Sane ! ” We shout and we don't see her.
We get home and she is helping MaNdawonde with making
food .
“I am almost done with making food , you ladies can rest”
We nod and went inside , we packed the blankets away and the
rest went to sit outside on the mat. I took my phone , it has
been quiet some time talking to Ntozakhona. I was tempted to
switch it on from last week but I fought temptation and now I
can't. I switch it on and lay on the bed .
Missed calls and messages, they come flooding in and all from
him taking up space from my phone storage. I don't go through
messages and go to contacts. I just want him to know we are
ok. I dial his number and it goes through quiet quickly. We are
both silent for some time.
“I got it! ” Nazo says in the back ground.
“Where are the rest?” He is pissed by the sounds of everything.
“We are all together. They are ok,we are ok”
“We are not, You will know us ” Sounds like Sikelela and he is
shouting.
I drop the line and just breathe out. I shouldn't have called
them. I went outside and they were having some juice with
MaNdawonde.
“I think they are coming for us ” I say
“Who?" Ciyela asks.
“The guys.”
“oh no. We have to relocate ” Sane says it like we are on the
run. Basically we are on the run away from our partners
“No one is going anywhere. Sit down and have juice” I am not
about to say I am the one who compromised us.
I sit down and have some juice as well, let's enjoy the peace for
the last time.
We had food when it was ready and MaNdawonde taught us
how to make beads and we tried our best
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I think what made her happy more than anything is that we are
here and giving her company as well. She tells us how she will
use her lobola money on getting her house fixed and extended
but didn't hint how much was actually paid for me but she
talked about making her house have 4 bedrooms and adding a
better hut and also gating the place. We went to take a bath
and after we sat together by the night fire that was supposed to
be dying out.
“I am not a singer but I learned how to sing while here ” Slindo
says and we chuckle.
“You guys are great people ” Chiliza says.
They are really great people.
“I am sleepy ” I say and Slindo pulls me to her lap and I rest on
it.
______
Someone shakes me out of a very peaceful sleep that I am quiet
enjoying. I brush the person off but I receive slaps on my
cheek.
“Mmmh mmmh " I moan .
“Wake up, Ntozakhona is here” I open my eyes and Sane is on
her feet putting a doek on.
“What !?” I get off the bed and change from what I am wearing.
She looks at me and we are done.
“I was still enjoying being here, it's refreshing ”,We are surely
going home after this
We walk out of the bedroom and we bow our heads as soon as
we see them. Even Nazo's father is here. Ntozakhona stands up
but the pull him to sit down. I glimpse at the rest and we are all
looking down. Their aunt's would've starved us.
“We are sorry for coming unannounced” Nazo's father says to
MaNdawonde.
“No , it is fine. Lihle ukubona abakhwenyana kwami ( it's nice to
see my son in laws here )” They chuckle lightly just to pass by.
“We are here to take the girls ” Nazo's father says.
“I am staying ” Chiliza says
We all look at her and look down again.
“I can't be going around in my situation " She points out.
“Ok, we will come and check on you” Nazo's father says and the
rest agree.
“Oh , that would be kind. Thank you ” MaNdawonde says
“Go and get your bags ” We follow each other going to take our
bags.
“Nazo is going to kill me " Slindo says as we walk to the rooms.
“I think you will survive. Cholo is in big trouble ” Ciyela says.
“Why me ? " I ask.
“Didn't you see how Ntozakhona was ? " she asks.
“I did but ...”
“Call us ” I nod. Now i am scared , I wonder how they found
us.
We collect all of our things and we walk out. We are saddened
that we are leaving and Mah tells us she will miss us and we will
as well. We are walking out following each other and no one
has spoken to anyone. We get inside the car seperately.
Ntozakhona hasn't gotten inside for a moment.
He finally gets in and he looks at me and I look away , He starts
the car . I don't dare say anything at that time and the car
moves.
“How did you know where we are ?” I ask.
“You are going to ask me that shit ! " He holds tightly to the
steering wheel.
“Its not Shit , it's a question ” I say
“It is shit , you risked your life like that . All of you !” He makes
hand movement
“Risked our lives how , what are you keeping a secret?”
“When we tell you to stay somewhere. Stay there ” He says
“And let your aunt's mistreat us ? Never shame , ngiyala ( I
refuse)”I clap my hands.
“Its just for two weeks ” He says.
“2 weeks? Ok let's see if you can't eat for 2 weeks ”
“Thats dramatic” He says.
I keep quiet.
“I am not going to be sorry for something I don't know I was
endangered for ”
“So us is not something you know ?” He asks and I look at him.
“What did we do ? ”
“We got back together and removed someone from this matter
!” I think. Nelisiwe.
“What did she do ?"
“She is not going down without a fight. That you should know ”
I swallow.
Really ? We have to face this as well. I am not ready, he
becomes silent and I let him be. I don't want us fighting but I
know I am in for more than this.
______
We reach Durban and we are going to his house . Yes that is
good, I thought we are going to Msinga but here we are. He
parks the car when we make it to a stop and we both hop out.
We go inside the house and I went to our bedroom and he
walked in after me and closes the door and takes the key out. I
swallow and move back and he walks to the dresser and takes
off his watch and places the key on it and looks at me.
“I need a shower ” He nods and I walk to the bathroom and I
get inside , I open the shower and I strip slowly. Why did he
lock the door? I get inside and the water splashes so perfectly
on my skin.
I feel hands on my waist and i jump a bit. His hands snake
around my waist and grips a bit hard.
“Ntoza..”
I gasp as his grip gets a bit stronger and he loosens it. My heart
beat is going fast, I don't know what he will do next.
“I would never lay my hand on you. That you know ” He
whispers in my ear.
“Mmmh ?” I nod to that.
“Do you know how worried we were when we couldn't get
through to even one of you ?”
“We are sorry” I say
“You are only sorry because you are here ”
“Really , I am.”
“Do you know how much you risked your lives ?” His hands
roam around my body and he keeps on pinching me and
holding me tightly. I kept quiet.
“No ? ” he says
“No ” I say.
“What if we have kids and you did this ? ” He says
“I am sorry” I am shaking. He hasn't done anything but I am
scared of what he will do. He won't lay his hand , that he
clearified but I am just expecting anything from him at this
moment.
CHAPTER 17

He stands up and takes his car keys. I turn from the sink and I
look at him.
“I know you are not talking to me but I have work to go to ”, I
say
He looks at me and I look away. He walks to the door and walks
out, gosh what have I gotten myself in. That's one thing about
Ntozakhona. He can't let things go so easily and I talk too much
with him. It's hard living here and him not talking to me, who
does he want me to talk to ? The walls ? I can't believe I haven't
been at work for some time. I have to kiss my job good bye
already , Nelisiwe is really working overtime here.
My phone rings after I am done with the dishes and I take it. It's
Slindo , I answer the phone call .
“Mam'Ndlovu ", I say
“How are you ? I was worried. Are you ok? ”, she asks.
“I am well , he is not talking to me ”, I say
“Yoh, eish askies ”, my mind comes up with an idea.
“Yeah but he will talk to me ”, I say
“How ?”, she asks
“I won't cook for him, I won't do anything for him. Punishment
solves punishment”, I say.
She laughs her lungs out.
“Sane has an influence in this I sense”, she says
“I am learning ", I say
“And deny him any as well. Better yet sleep in the guest room
uzozwa ( he will feel it )”, That's great.
“Yes ! ”, I say
“I am thinking of sleeping in a guest room as well. Nazo will
drain me ”, she says
“I will tell you how it went ", I say
“I am glad you are ok, we will talk later ”, she says.
“Sure. Bye ”, we hang up.
I smile and pack the dishes away. I clean the kitchen and leave
nothing outside. I went to take a warm bath and sink myself in.
I hum some songs and let my body feel the water splashes on
my body. I get out after some time and wrap a towel around
my waist. I go and get dressed. I pack some clothes and move
them to the guest room.

CIYELA
“Your phone is ringing Sakhile ! ", I say
I look at the one Infront of me.
“What do you want to eat ?”, he bites his bottom lip and
shrugged.
“Can you take it for me ?”,Sakhile responds.
“Ok", I take the phone off the counter and it stops ringing. It's
written Zethule , I place it on the counter and take his son off.
“Who was it ? ”, he walks in from the bedrooms.
“It says Zethule ”, he takes his phone and kisses my cheek. I feel
butterflies.
“I will call him later ”, I move from the counter to the fridge.
“You bought the buns I asked for yesterday? ”, i open it and
take out the cheese.
“Yeah I did”, I turn to his son.
“You want a burger ?", He nods.
“Ok, Sakhile are you hungry ? ”, he shook his head.
“I will be in the longue ”, he walks to the lounge.
I make the food for his son and I get done after some time. I
make juice as well and I go to the lounge. After fetching us from
Nongoma I was brought here. Clearly when we are out of their
sight we go crazy. ”Nivele nihlanye nishunqe intuthu ”, Sakhile
said during his long lecture of how important our safety is. I am
new to this and I don't know how everything is handled.
I get to the lounge and they are watching some soccer.
“Here is your food ”, I say.
“Bonga boy ( say thank you )", Sakhile says to his son. He thanks
me and I smile.
I sit next to them and his son gets off Sakhile.
“Come closer , I don't bite " ,Sakhile says and I laugh getting
closer.
“I have missed school", I say
“I will do something to get you to catch up ", I look at him
“Ngizozama angisho njalo( I will try , let me say that )”, he says
and I shake my head.
“How about you transfer to this campus here ?”, I was silent.
“That sounds good ", I reply.
“ Then we would be close to each other”, That's would make
things easy.
“What if we break up when I have moved this side?” I ask him.
He looks at me.
“Do you think we will break up ?”, he asks.
“I don't know ”
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I say.
“We will try our best. If everything fails it's ok. I will still pay for
your fees", I smile and give him a perk.
“You are sweet ”, I say
“Well I try", I laugh.

CHOLO

Chicken wings are so nice when they are not made from your
hands. Junk food can be addictive. I think I will be addicted to it
so much. A knock comes on my door, I pull the covers off me
and I wore my gown and switched on the lights. I opened the
door.
“Yes ?”, I ask.
He looks at me and breathed out.
“Why are you sleeping here?”,oh how he can talk.
“I thought you needed space”, I say
“I don't need space”, he says
“But you weren't talking to me ”, he picks me up and walks in.
“Lets sleep ", he says placing me on the bed and I take off the
gown. He switches off the lights
He gets in bed and pulls me close to him.
“Unokusa yazi ( You are trying to be smart)”, I say
“With? ”
“You don't talk to me but you want to sleep next to me ”, I say
“I can see the not cooking for me but not sleeping next to me is
taking it too far. I don't want space when we sleep. We sleep
next to each other every night. ”, he says
“And you talk to me everyday ”, I look at him and he does as
well
“If I talk you don't listen so what's the point ?”
“Can we get past that , I am sorry. I apologized Ntozakhona ”, I
sat on up. He pulls me down .
“Lets sleep, we will talk in the morning ", he says.
“Ungabe usingi cijisela umlomo ekuseni ( Don't turn on your
word in the morning )”
“We will talk ”, he says.
“Thank you ” I lay on top of him and he holds me.
“You are bother some ”, he says
“You love me ”, I say
He kisses my forehead.
“I love you ”,
_____
I woke up in the morning and Ntozakhona was not next to me
already. He is dodging the bullet I can see. I got off the bed and
made my way downstairs. He was making breakfast.
“Don't burn the kitchen down ”, he turns around and places the
utensils down
He opens his arms and I go right into them.
“Good morning ", I smile.
“Good morning”, he gives me a perk.
“You have forgiven me ? ”, I ask.
“Yes ”, I am glad
“What are you making ?”, I ask
“Anything”, Ntozakhona says.
“Smells great ”, his phone rings and he dashes to take it.
“Can you look over the food?”, I nod as he walks away.
I take a bite off the sausages and turn the eggs on the pan. I
can't wait to eat , I am hungry as it is.
I hear breaking sounds and I turn. I move the pan aside and
went to where Ntozakhona went.
“Fuck ! ”, the noise continues. I got to his study.
I pushed the door open a bit.
“Are you ok?”, he is sobbing on the floor. I rush to him.
The inner me says brace him and I do. It doesn't make him
better but I can feel my chest getting more wet.
“It will be ok, everything will be ok”, I keep on saying that
without any idea of what's going on.
________
“How is he ?”, is the question I have been asked for the last few
days.
I don't know , I don't know how he is but I know he is torn and
blames himself for everything. I just can't believe that things
are spiraling out of control in this manner. The aunt's are
putting a show of tears at the lounge while the woman in the
community are here ukuzoba khalisa ( send their condolences).
“He is mute, he only showed emotion the day we recieved the
news”, I say to them.
“Atleast , he just needs some time ”, Ciyela says.
I just nod and sigh. Ntozakhona's father was gunned down the
night before. He was found inside his car shot on his drive way.
Its a mess.
“Where is Qiniso ?”, I ask.
“I haven't seen him ”, I wipe my hands with the dishcloth.
We are preparing the food for tonight.
“I will check on Ntozakhona”
They nod and I walk out of the main house. It's very somber
and no one is in the mood for anyone at the moment. I get to
his room and I knock lightly , I get inside and he is looking at the
ceiling. I don't say anything but look at him. I get closer and
take off my shoes and get in bed next to him. He wraps his arms
around me.
“Its ok to cry”, I say and he swallows.
I know how much this inflicts pain on him and Qiniso. It opens
old wounds regarding their mother.
“It never removes the pain”, he says.
“I know but helps.”, I say.
He looks at me.
“I am here ”, he nods.
_______
I gave Qiniso and Ntozakhona sleeping pills after getting them
to eat, they have to eat. We don't want to loose them to
hunger as well. It's difficult to comfort someone, I know how it
feels to loose a parent but people deal with pain differently. It
may not be the same all the time, I haven't received any call
from my sister. I assume she has nothing to brag about as yet I
guess. I went onto busying myself with my phone. I look at
Ntozakhona and I end up taking my body into bed as well. I
slept next to him.
CHAPTER 18

I pull my clutch close to myself and looked at him as he based

on the fresh soil that has rain pouring on it. The rain drop slides
slowly down the grinite as the other races to go down faster
than the other. He hands the umbrella to me and I hold it
tightly. He unbuttons his suit and he walks off letting the rain
pour on him. He stands next to his brother who is crouching
Infront of the tombstone. It's new and fresh just like their
wounds. It must have been their parents dying wish to be
burried next to each other. I would want that as well. To be
burried next to Ntozakhona or next to my children as well, will I
have children ? I hope we do. I would love to be a mother.
They both stand up after some time. The rain is coming on
strong, they look at each other and give off a brotherly hug
before Ntozakhona comes towards me. He places his hand on
my waist taking the umbrella and we move from the Ndlovu
graveyard.
_____
I open the kettle and I make cups of tea, for myself and some
coffee. The kettle turns off and I turn around. Afika's sister is
looking at me , she comes closer and she makes some coffee.
“Cholo right?”, she says and I nod.
She lets out her hand.
“How do you all do it ? ”, she puts in some sugar.
“Do what perhaps ? ”, I ask.
“Get them to love you this much ”,she says looking at me.
“I don't know ”, I really don't know what she wants from me.
“I am not really a Ndlovu. My mother cheated on dad and had
me. He didn't know well until he found out later stage I wasn't
his but he was too attached to me to let me go ”, oh.
“Oh I see ”, I say
“,neither is Afika my biological brother. He has his own mother
”, she says. I nod.
She gets done.
“My aunt's will chew you all, they are evil. Be careful. Ask Slindo
who poisoned her , the ladies here. Don't trust any of them. I
know so , I have been there too”, she pours the hot water in
her cup and walks off.
I swallowed, I poured the water as well. I put everything on a
tray and I went out with it and made my way to the room
where they are seated. I got in and everyone is silent, I place
the tray down.
“Here is some coffee and tea ”, I say
“Thank you Cholo ”, Sane says and I nod.
“So now Qiniso and Ntozakhona are being pampered by
Cholo?”, Sikelela asks. Sane hits his shoulder.
“Yes , they are my babies”, I say.
“No , I don't share you”, Ntozakhona pulls me to him.
“Thank you for taking care of us ”,Qiniso says.
Ntozakhona nods and I do the same. We all sit together.
_____
SANELISIWE

We walk in our room and I take off the dress I wore at the
funeral. I feel tired already, I throw it on the single sitter couch
and I get on in bed and crawl inside. Sikelela stands there and
he looks at me. I close my eyes to sleep but his gaze on me is
heavy. I open my eyes and I look at him.
“Something wrong ?”, I ask
“I should be asking ”, he says.
“About ?”, I ask
“Sane , this is not on. The drinking has become a problem now
cause you drink everyday 24/7” , he says
I sit up. Here we go again.
“What must I do then ?” I ask.
“Cut it down or you will go to rehab ”, he says
“I did cut it down. What more do you want ? ”, I ask.
He sits down.
“I don't want us fighting over this , tell me what the problem is
”, he asks.
“Can I sleep ?” I lay back and he pulls the pillows.
“You won't sleep until you come with a solution to this issue ”,
“Sikelela please ”, he stands up.
“I don't want to do this but you have to choose , it's getting out
of hand ”, he says
My heart is thudding.
“What? ”,I ask.
“What is more important ? Alcohol or us ?”, I couldn't answer.
“You know what's important ”, I say
“Think about it Sane , it's affecting us. I think we should just call
it quits ” , he walks out. I lay back on the bed and let tears flow.
********
“Mama !”, he shouted but his big strong hand covered his little
face.
My legs were stuck in the same position. My mother had went
out and said she will be back after a short while. I knew that she
wasn't working and wondered where she was going.
“You are the solution to us having a better life ”, I saw his snow
white face looking at me , he was trying to reach out but I
couldn't reach out. I wanted to reach out.
He picked up the axe from the floor and blood scattered the
floor , his head rolled under the bed to where I am. I put my
hands over my mouth and cried. I wanted to scream.
“Sanelisiwe , Lwandisiwe !", It was my mother , I couldn't stop
looking at his eyes . I wanted to be out of there soon.
“Jomo ! ”, the door opened.
“Eyi shut up. You gave birth to this and we have to live poorly ”,
My father shouted ! He never loved him
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he never loved my twin brother but to do this. It was beyond.
“Wha..where is Sanelisiwe ?”, my mother asks.
I could hear them speaking.
“I don't know. Let's take him to inyanga ”.
*************
My mother was just as guilty. She didn't bring justice for my
brother , I watched them take him and make him a sacrifice
because of his skin colour. He was everything to me and I was
to his. It's like he wasn't their son, what they did to him was
inhuman. It was animalistic.
I couldn't breathe properly. I went to take my phone and I sent
a message to Slindo stating it's an emergency. I went down on
my knees as tears left my eyes and I let out a sob. I couldn't
hold it in any longer. It was sharp and painful. It feels quiet
fresh , it's one wound that will never heal instead it gets worse
and worse. I close my eyes holding onto my feet.
.
.
She rushes in and comes to hold me. I hold onto her as she
comforts me .
“Its ok. I am here”, I sob.
“He wants a divorce , he ... He broke me Slindo. I will never
recover ", I say
“Oh my God Sane I am sorry", she says.
“I ... It hurts ”, I say.
“Everything will be ok”, she brushes my back.
“Let me get you some tea to calm down ”, she kisses my
forehead
“Please stay ”,I feel like I am going crazy right now.
______
She went out and brought sugared water for me and made me
drink it. I laid on the bed and she brushes my back slowly.
“Eveeything will be ok”,she says.
I look at the door and it opens.
“Oh , I didn't know you were here Slindo”,He says.
“I came to check on Sane. Nazo must be missing me ”, he
chuckles lightly.
“I will see you Sane”, Slindo stands up and walks out.
The door shuts and there is silence. He sits next to me, I blink
the tears away.
“You have another woman ? ", I ask.
“No ”, he says
“You want to leave me”, I say
“I can't have a wife who finds a friend in a bottle Sane.
Sikhulule manje indaba yokukwinkwitha utswala engathi
ukwiCompetition iphelile ( We are grown now Sane , this issue
of drinking like a fish is over)”, he says.
“I can't cope Sikelela. You don't understand”, I say
“Understand me , us ”, he says.
His fingers wipe my tears
“I love you Sanelisiwe. You know that , we have been together
for almost 20 years and I love you everyday but there are things
that can't be tolerated in love. ”, he says. I just nod.
“Lets go a week without drinking. How about we start with that
”, he says.
A week ? I look at him.
“That's harsh ” , I say
“Its that or nothing ”, he says.
I keep quiet.
“Mmmh ? ”, tears streamed down my cheeks and I nod.
He kisses my forehead and cheek.
“Alcohol is not everything ”
************
They place his body in a plastic bag, the head only forgotten
about. They walk out and I got out from under the bed. I look at
the left over blood. My mother tried to clean as fast as she
could but couldn't . I went down on my knees and I cried while
resting my head where he took his last breath. My best friend,
my protector , cheerleader , supporter , everything. The person
I can rely on forever was gone
*************

SLINDOKUHLE.

A lot is going on in this family, I know that oBaba won't let this
go one bit. They don't let anything go as easily unless the
person died from a sickness. I miss my kids and I want them
back now. Holidays should be over for them very soon so they
can come back home. Nazo doesn't mind, he says “I get all the
attention if they are away”. I get in our room, I don't want to
cross paths with the aunt's at the moment. It takes everything
in my husband and his father to be here everytime.
I get in the room and he is on his laptop. I close the door and I
take off my shoes and get in bed , he moves the laptop and
puts it aside then holds me. He lays a perk on my forehead.
“We are leaving in an hour ”, Nazo says
“Ok”, we have overstayed.
“I have been meaning to tell you something”, I say.
He trials his fingers on my ear and plays around it.
“What ? ”, he asks
“We are having a baby”, I say
“And you have been drinking ”, he says
“It was light and now I know. I won't anymore ”, I say
There is silence.
“Nazo , I was thinking we should also go to some couple's
counsiling. We don't have any problems but it's nice to get
ourselves counsiling as a couple ”, I sit up and sit on his lap.
“I love the idea”, I kiss his lips.
“You know what I love ?”, he says
“What do you love ?”,
“You and the kids , but you the most", he says
He kisses my neck. I look at him and I smile , I love this man so
much.
CHAPTER 19

Qiniso and Ntozakhona left earlier than I did with their uncles.
All Ntozakhona said when he was leaving is :
“I want to sort this out once and have peace”
And that was it. He left just like that. It's my last day here and
we are leaving , Afika is the one who is taking me to Durban. His
sister is very nice , I had concluded that some don't want to
interact with us and that is that. The aunt's , I thank them
shame. I don't want to deal with them anytime soon but this
round they were better. Nazo and Slindo left the same day after
the funeral and I haven't seen Sane since then as well but I have
seen her husband and I guessed they didn't leave. I will call her
when I am home to check on her.
“You are ready ?”,Afika asks and I nod.
We get inside the car and buckle up. I look out of the window
as the car moves , memories always lingers of this place. They
don't stop.
***********
“You are staying a bit longer today”, he said.
I nod shyly, yesterday I told myself I want to know this
interesting man infront of me. That is why I came early to fetch
some water.
“I won't stay long ”, I say
“I won't keep you long”, I nod.
His gaze doesn't move from me as I look anywhere but his
eyes.
“I don't need to go to the reed dance to find a wife”, he says.
I heard him the last time.
“What do you want from me ?”, I asked.
“I want nothing from you. I just want to give you my love ”, he
smiles.
I blush and take the bucket and place it on my head.
“Bye ”
“I will see you next week friday”, I nod and walked away from
him.
***********
My phone rings disturbing me from my thoughts , I take it out
while the remote gate opens. Afika drives in at that moment. I
see his car, he is here oh good. I hope he is ok.
“Hello”,I say
“Cholo !”, oh Lord please be with me.
“Sisi how are you ?”, I ask
“I am good my husband just bought a new watch for me ”, I get
out of the car and take my bag.
“Oh that is amazing. He is great for you ”, can this call end ?
“Yes, he is doing a party for me tomorrow. Angithi it's my
birthday. I would've said you can come but you are in Nongoma
”, she says.
“Oh no , I can come ”, I say
“Oh , ungafiki ukhangezile njalo ( Don't come without a
gift)”she says
“Ok”
“I am playing. I know you don't have money so you can come
and eat some nice food for a change. I won't give you money to
go back though. I don't have ”she says
“Ok, I will come bye ”
“Bye”
I hung up and groaned. I hate this bragging brat , she always
has something to say
“Bafo !" Afika says and Ntozakhona appears.
I rush to his arms and give him a hug. He is ok, that is
important.
“Is Qiniso ok?"He nods.
“He is a big boy” , I nod.
“Thank you for bringing her back”, Ntozakhona says
“Its no problem. Let me leave you ”, we say our good byes to
Afika and he leaves.
“Everything ok?”, he nods.
“We are ok”, he kisses my forehead.
“Now we can plan your wedding ”, he says.
“I want a traditional one only then we can just sign”, I say.
“Anything you want, as long as I am your husband”, I laugh
“You will be ”
“We are going out”, I say
He nods at that.
_______
It's my sister's birthday, she has never bothered wishing me
happy birthday and I stopped 2 years ago on sending her
birthday messages when I wasn't receiving any. A little gift was
got for her. It's a bag and it comes with a perfume as well. I
hope she likes it , really I do. I am silent while looking out of the
window as the car enter her neighbourhood. She said I must
call when I have gotten off the taxi so she could send someone
to fetch me. It has been almost 10 years since I had last saw my
sister. We only communicated through a phone.
He parks the car Infront of her house. I look at him and he looks
at me.
“Sane is coming with. ”, he is not staying. He will only transport
me.
“Ok, thank you ” , he gave me a kiss.
“I love you ”, he says
“I love you Gatsheni”, he smiles.
He hops out and comes to open the door for me. I hop out and I
see Sane approaching.
“Hey ! ”, we hug each other.
“Please behave ”, Ntozakhona says.
“Lets go in ”
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we walk off and get in.
I knock on the door and there are ladies sitting on the couch
having some beer.
“Brace yourself”, I say to Sane.
“Sanibonani( hello)”, we greet.
“Yebo ( yes)”
“We are looking for Thandiwe”
“Thandiwe ! ”, one shouts and my sister appears
“Yini ? ( What ? )”, there she is. That's definitely her.
“They are looking for you”, she points at us.
“Cholo, you made it. I thought you wouldn't come , phela
Nongoma is very far”, she says smiling.
“It is far but I was in Durban ”, she frowned.
“At who 's phela you don't know anyone here ”, she says.
“Ntozakhona's”, I say
“Can we have juice , kade simile lah ( we have been standing for
so long ) even a chair would be delighting”, Sane says.
“Does Dad know that ? He wouldn't be happy. You are
supposed to be in Nongoma ”, i pull her away from people.
“What do you want from Ntozakhona ? How did you find him ?
", She asks.
“Afika helped me ”, I say.
“Afika ? How is he?" Her face softens. Why ?
“Uhm he is well. I am getting married again Thandiwe.
Ntozakhona has already paid Lobolo and Dabula's family agreed
for me to get married ”, she swallows.
“I am happy for you ”, she says.
“Afika is ok. ”, she nods.
“Thank you for coming and the present ", I nod.
“Pleasure ”,
“I am sorry for my attitude”, finally she realizes. !
“Come ”, I give her a hug.
“You can take juice for your friend”, she says.
“Thats Sikelela's wife ”, she smiles.
“She is beautiful”, this is what i love seeing.
“Who else is married ?”, she seems interested.
“Nazo, Sikelela ,Sakhile is In a relationship. He got divorced
years back and I don't know the rest", she nods.
“I need to lie down a bit", she walks off.
“Thandiwe ”, she disappears.
_______
She came out after a while and she looks a bit better. The get to
get her was quiet nice. Everyone seems to be depressed these
days , Sane tells me how Sikelela gave her an ultimatum and I
advices to her tell her husband. That's what couples do, you
open up.
She said she will try by tonight but she doesn't want to relive
her last. I don't know what it is but it's too much on her. She
didn't tell me what it was the last time but briefly told me how
she felt about her past. It just be something dark.
Our partners came and I said my good byes to Thandiwe , I
hope from here on wards we will have a very good
relationship.
“How are you?” , I ask.
“I missed you”, I get inside and he closes the door.
My phone rings as he gets inside the car.
“Hello”, I say.
“Ungangi casuli Cholo( Don't anger me Cholo). You are not
going to marry into that family ! ”, a voice I haven't heard in
years.
“Baba", I swallow.
“You listen to me. Go back to Nongoma or you will have serious
problems with me”
“I won't do that”, I say bravely
Ntozakhona looks at me.
“Are you back chatting me ?”
“No , I am just saying. If you can't support what I do then don't
call me or talk to me. ", I hang up and breath out.
“Damnit Thandiwe ! ” I bang my hand on the dash board and
hop out of the car.
“Cholo !”, Ntozakhona says
He comes out rushing and picks me up.
“Lets go home.” he says
“No , I want to hit her ”,why is everyone standing in my way of
being happy?
“She is not worth it. Come ”, he throws me in the car and gets
in. I huff.
CHAPTER 20

SANELIWSIWE

I throw my bag on the couch and I throw my body on the

couch, he locks the doors and goes to close all the open
windows. I rest my feet on the couch and he comes to take off
my shoes. I smile faintly as he sits across me on the glass table
infront of me.
“We need to talk”, I say
“Oh ok ”, he says slowly.
Cholo's words keep on echoing in my head. I have never told
anyone this and have never opened up to my past. I never saw
it fit to do so, I always wanted to forget than going back and
retelling my past. I wanted to close every chapter that involved
my past. I don't know where I would be if I didn't meet Sikelela.
Even though I am heavy on the bottle but he kind of cleaned
me up and saw something that I didn't see. I never thought it
was there .
“I have realized that I do have a drinking problem and its not
something small ”, he nods giving me the go ahead to carry on.
“It comes from a deeper place , a pit that I can't get out of. I
don't know how to get out of it ”, I say. I look down and fiddle
with my fingers.
“Talk to me ”, he says.
“I witnessed something brutal, He was like me. I was like him ,
we were inseparable. Where he was I was there as well. There
were differences in us , he was a boy and i was a girl our skin
colours were different as well..” , tears streamed down my
cheeks.
“But that didn't define anything? He was still my brother. (
Swallow)My twin brother. I used to call him Snowy because of
how white he was.He reached out for me but I couldn't reach
out to him. I can still remember everything like it was
yesterday, I should've known His behavior towards him would
lead to that. I could've saved him. I fail.... I... I failed as a sister.
When he looked at me , his eyes. His hazel eyes were full of
emotions , scared and begging , shouting for me to save him
still play in my head everyday for the past 2 years. Did they get
rich from doing that deed ? No. Instead my mother hanged
herself after 3 years of his death . She felt guilty for covering
her husband's sins of killing their son ”
I look into space , my mind trails off.
************
I was walking with my class mate as we were talking. They were
pushing him around and I rushed to the dropping my bag and
kicked one in the stomach.
“Leave him alone !”, my brother drops to the floor. His uniform
dirty and his face red and drenched with tears.
“uZokwenzani small ? ( What are you going to do small ?)”, I
picked rocks up and threw them their way.
They rushed off.
“Sane ! ”, I rushed to him
“Snowy ”, he sat on his butt and cried. I hugged him.
“I am sorry”, I say.
“Ngifuna ukufana nawe. Why mina nginjena ?( I want to be like
you , why am I like this ? )”, he sobbed.
“You are different, umuhle kanjani. Mina ngikuthanda unje (
You are beautiful, I love you like this )" I say
“I don't want to go to school. ", It's the 100th time he has said
this.
I pull him up and take my bag. Everyone knew not to mess with
me. I bite and threw rocks like no other when it came to my
brother. My defensive skills kicked in at a young age. We
protected each other all the time.
I took his bag and gave it to him I wiped his tears and took his
hand. We walked our way home.
“Don't worry. I am here”, he laughs while sniffing and pushes
me away and I push him away as well.
************
“That's him ?”, he asks and I nod.
“You look like a boy ”, I hit his shoulder and he chuckles. I join
in.
He kisses my forehead and I place the picture away and close
my eyes moving closer.
“I love you, I won't leave you ”, he says
“I love you too”, I feel a bit better .

CHOLO

I take out the baking pan and I throw it in the sink and open the
water. I start cleaning the oven scrubbing with handy andy and
a sponge in my hand. He drags his feet in.
“Baby ”, I keep quiet.
“Cholo ”, he repeats.
“Good morning ”, I say while carrying on with the cleaning.
“Its 7:34am ”, he says and I stand up and close the sink tap and
a weekend ”, he says.
“The weekend is the time to do cleaning ”, I take off the gloves
and apron.
He comes and holds my waist.
“Tell me what's wrong ?”, he says
“Nothing Ntozakhona. Can't I clean without having something
wrong ?”, I ask.
He goes to the pots and opens them and the huge Tupperware
and looks inside.
“I made some cake as well ”, I point at the fridge and he opens
it.
“Something is definitely wrong ”, he closes it.
“Ok”, I sit on the high chair and he jumps on the counter.
“What's wrong ?”, he asks.
“Will we ever be happy ?”, I ask
“Yes ”, he says.
“When ? It has been 10 years we haven't been together and
now everyone is on a mission to destroy us and your aunt's
have a day coming from me I tell you don't say I didn't warn ”
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he raises his hands. I sigh
“We will be happy Cholo, I am happy we are together and we
are getting married. There will be challenges but we will be fine
”, he says.
“You think ?”, he nods.
“Ok”, I smile
“Now come here ”, I kiss his lips.
“I made breakfast”, I say
“And lunch”, he looks around the kitchen
“And supper”, he pulls the pot towards him and I stop him.
“You will eat that later ”, I say.
“I need some sugar. It has been a while ”, he gets off the
counter.
“Sugar ?”, I frown. He picks me up and squeezes my butt.
“Yes sugar”, he kisses my lips and I return it.
_______
I breath out , that was very intense. He kisses my forehead and
gets out of the bed. I pull the sheets closer to me as I sit up.
“I have to go ”, he says.
“Meeting ?”, I ask.
“Dad's lawyer ”, he says.
“Oh , good luck”, I say.
“Yeah”, he sighs and lay on the bed again.
“Whats wrong ?”, I ask.
“I don't want to go anymore ”, I crawl to his side and lay his
head on my lap.
“You remember MaKheswa used to be like?”, I say.
He chuckled lightly, that's a good sign.
“I had the craziest mother.”, she was crazy
“And the sweetest”, I say.
“I remember her saying 'Ntozakhona akuna nkukhu eyake
yaphuma lah egcekeni iyocela intombazane , ngisho ngengane
leh !( Ntozakhona , not even a chicken is sent out to go and ask
for someones daughter for their hand in marriage even a child
atleast)” , he chuckles. I swallow
***********
The smoke was choking me more than anything, I couldn't see
properly anymore, all I could hear are his groans. My father
next to me.
“Phuza lah , kuzoshesha manje ( Drink here,it will be fast)” ,the
Sangoma said.
I regreted telling Thandiwe that moment. She always reported
to my father. By some miracle I had hoped that Ntozakhona
would bust in that door and stop this but when I told him I am
getting married he left and never to be heard. I was there
waiting for him yesterday at our usual spot but he didn't come
out of Sadness and having a broken heart I told my sister
everything which has put me here . The herbal mixture is given
to my father.
“Drink this Cholo, usuwenze amanyala vele ( you have done
damage already)”, tears welded in my eyes
“I am sorry but please baba ”, he pokes my stomach.
“You are sorry. Uyaphoxa , drink this to get rid of this rubbish
before you leave for Nongoma ”, he says.
I wished my mother was still alive at that moment. I took the
drink and drank it. It tastes bitter, they made me lie on my back
and I felt the little tingles in my stomach.Then they exceeded to
cramps
“She will be ok right ?”, my father asks.
“Yes she will have many kids in future. It won't harm her. ”, I
closed my eyes feeling the warmth between my thighs.
“You never speak of this ”, my father says and I nod.
************
“Cholo ”, he embraces me and I wipe my tears.
“Are you ok?”,he asks.
“I am, I am just missing my mother as well" I say.
“I am sorry”, he kisses my forehead.
“I want to lie down ”, I close my eyes.
CHAPTER 21

In all my years of being on earth , meeting this man had to be

the most amazing thing I have ever came across with. I feel
lighter and happier now than I have ever before. My job , well
that was it about it but I learned something in that short period
of time as well, Ntozakhona took me to go and do a drivers
license and now I have that. A year has passed and in that year
we faced alot of challenges , not just me alone but everyone ,
we won , we cried , we fought , we comforted , we lost in that
year.Alot happened and we had alot of funerals that year.
Slindo was pregnant, I am highlighting the was . Yes she was
pregnant but she lost the pregnancy. She had a complicated
pregnancy. The baby was growing fine until she have birth to a
still born. Seeing her in pain brought pain to me as well , It was
a baby girl. She kept on saying “You should've seen her Cholo , I
want my baby girl. I want my child ”, I couldn't bring back her
child instead I joined her in crying. It will only help. It took me
back to what Baba and the Sangoma did. I told her they can
have many babies. God knows what he is doing. Was it God
who took the baby ? No. Two days before my wedding I had to
be cleansed and so as Ntozakhona. A prophet was there to help
up go with the procedure, secrets were spilled everything and
didn't leave any detail. “Lelikhaya linobumnyama kakhulu
ingakho izinto eziningi azihamabi kahle. Ezihamba kahle
amadlozi enu alungile ( There is a dark cloud lurking over this
family , that's why things don't go well, the ones that go well
it's because of your ancestors)” He said.
We were all in silence that day and he spilled the beans, it
wasn't the child's time to go but things were done for Slindo's
child to die. My secrets were spilled as well, My womb was
blocked by my mother on the other side. I had to go to her
grave and apologise for getting pregnant at a young age and
also bring Ntozakhona as well. Sane's relation to her brother.
There were things we had to do to rectify everything. I almost
didn't get married but I did with God's grace. Sane had to
perform a ritual for her brother and do a tomb stone for him
and so he can release the rest of her blessings. The prophet
said:
“The reason why you have your husband it's because of your
brother” That was an emotional day. His last words to us were
“Our ancestors will bless us at the same time after everything is
done ”, We wondered what he meant. We did every necessary
thing we had to do and got married to Ntozakhona. He was
angry and hurt at first but forgave me. We got married , things
in the family were very sour for everyone especially with who
plotted against Slindo and Nazo with their baby. My father
showed up on my wedding day and almost ruined everything
but the devil is a lie. I did get married to Ntozakhona so now I
am Cholo Ndlovu , Ntozakhona's wife . That does sound nice.
Anyway back to what happened. We moved back to Durban to
carry on with our lives and the following week was a week of
something else. There was a fire in Msinga during night time
and it took everyone who was in the main house. One of them
left the gas stove on and it caught up.
What baffles me is how everyone reacted to the news.
Ntozakhona said. “I hope they had funeral cover because I am
not going to bury them ”, everyone said the very same thing.
Yes the aunt's that stayed there died with some of their kids.
The ones who servived are the 2 daughters that skipped during
the night to meet their boyfriends. That saved them and now
the aunt's that are left are those who live overseas. They did
come to the funeral and they are very sweet. I wondered what
made those ones very bitter . 9 people were burried and they
all didn't have funeral cover. Even Nazo, Afika , Sikelela and
Sakhile's father and some well off uncles didn't want to
contribute to buying atleast a decent coffin. What will people
say, even if we don't cook food but atleast descent boxes. I
asked Ciyela because Slindo and Sane didn't seem to have it
that we convince our partners but nothing. Their fathers
weren't having it so bangcwatswe njengamakati ( They were
burried like cats).
We have a new cousin now. Yes we do . He is young though ,
very young. He's name is Langelihle, Afika's younger brother,
long lost brother. DNA tests were done and he is indeed a
Ndlovu , he looks like Afika and acts like him. A younger version
of him. He is 19 years old. His mother recently died so he was
on a search to look for his father ngoba phela obaba
balayikhaya amasoka nje ( The fathers of this family are ladies
men ) but he found his father. It's been a tough year.
_______
“I am almost home , I am coming ”, I say .
“Ok, then. ”, he hung up and I checked my bag for money and
gave it to the car guard and then closed the door.
I started the car and I drove off making my way home from the
mall. I got what I need. Everything is in order so far and stress
free in life at the moment. I was listening to music and hit the
breaks when I almost crashed into this baby. I got out and went
to the front of the car. I crouched and took it into my arms and
got inside the car. I placed it on the seat and I drove off. It kept
on shaking and I had nothing to offer than to open the heater. I
dialed Ntozakhona's number but it didn't go through. It must be
hungry. I got home and parked the car taking this little creature
into my arms. I got out and made my way inside.
“Baby look what I found !”, I walk in.
He is watching soccer with Afika and Langelihle.
“Where did you find that dog ?”, he asks getting off the couch.
“Its a baby dog . It looks cute ”, I say.
“It could have raibies ”, Lange says
“Can we keep it , look how puffy it looks. I am going to bath it.
Please whip something for it ”, I say
“Nifile lah Kwa love lives here ( You guys have too much
baggage here at love lives here)”, Afika says laughing.
“Bath this dog outside Cholo”, Ntozakhona says
“But...”,
He points outside.
“Langelihle get me the baby basin ”, I say
He gets off the couch.
“And where will our child bath when it shows up?”, I shrugged.
“Please go make that food. Thank you ”, I walk off.
Yes , I am expecting and I am 5 months. It's quiet early but
when you are excited you just buy anything and everything.
Ntozakhona the most.
Langelihle brings the basin and shampoo and places it down. I
don't know what kind of dog it is but its not a pit bull. That's
good. It looks like those dogs you out in your bag and carry
around.
“You are helping me right ?”, he folds his sleeves.
“Sure ”, he goes and takes the hose pipe.
“What should I name him ?”, I ask.
“You need to first find out if this dog isn't someone's lost dog ,
take it to the SPCA maybe and get a shot for it. Take it to the
Vet to see if it doesn't have any diseases of any sort. ”, he
connects the hose pipe.
“Can't I keep it if it's not mine ”, he folds his arms.
“Sis Cholo , what if you lost your dog ? Wouldn't you want it
back ? " He has a point.
“Ok, I hear you ”, he opens the hose pipe and I place the puppy
inside.
We bathed the puppy and he looked clean after. We took a
towel and wiped him and went inside. We went to connect the
hair dryer and the hair dry it. After we were done Ntozakhona
was done with the food.
“Thank you ", I kiss his cheek.
“We are taking this dog back where you took it", I opened my
mouth as he shook his head.
_______
The dog was taken away from me, I have never cried so much in
my life. Lange was right it was Someone's dog. I can pay them
for the dog. Now I want a dog and Ntozakhona is having non of
that. He says I will play with the baby if I get bored or want
something to baby. That is unfair. I know what babies want , I
was once a baby as well.
“Cholo”, I stared at the sliding door. He came to sit on the bed.
“I am sorry ”, I look at him.
“Why can't I have a dog ?”, I ask.
“We are having a baby. One will have more attention than the
other ”, I sulk.
“I can only get you .anything you want just not a dog "
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he says
“Can I have a cat ? ”,he frowns.
“No ”, I huffed
“An eagle ?”,
“How am I supposed to get an eagle ?. No animal unless it gets
slaughtered. ”,
“A dove , doves are cute ”, I say
“The only dove that will be in this house is a dove product ”, I
frown and fold my arms.
“This baby is making you go ...”, he kept quiet.
“No , finish your sentence”, I say
“How about I get you to start a farm. That way animals stay
there ”, he says.
“No , too much work. I love wine. ”, I say
“You want to start a wine yard ?”, he asks. I sit up
“Let me call the ladies", I kiss his lips and take my phone
rushing out.
“So no farm ?" I ignore him. I call the ladies and ask if we can
meet up this weekend somewhere.
It's decided that we will meet at Sane's house and Slindo will
have to fly down. It's important that everyone is there. I hang
up after the call and turn around going to the kitchen.
I start with making some food and Ntozakhona walks in.
“You seem better , I hope you didn't have any wine ”, I give him
a look.
“No , juice is fine and I am behaving ”, he comes and stands
behind me.
“This is perfect" , he says.
“What is ? ”, I ask.
He kisses my neck.
“Everything.”
**************
We have known each other for some time. I really loved his
company and how we would sit together and get lost on where
we are. He was selling me dreams at some point, that's what
Thandiwe would say. He is selling you dreams, telling me that
he will take me from Msinga and go live with me in the city. He
will marry me and we will have our own family and he will treat
me like a queen and live happily ever after. I loved our ' fairy
tale ' he always spoke into it and said it will happen. He knows
it will but it became a distant story when my father told me I
will marry the son of Induna the night before. I was scared of
telling Ntozakhona as well. He was leaving tomorrow and I
wanted to tell him before he left.
“Are you ok?", He asked
“I have something to say”, he sits up properly.
“I am getting married ”, he stood up but I pulled him down.
“It wasn't my choice. I have to , to get my father out of the debt
he is in or we will be in trouble. I am sorry", I say.
“I love you Cholo, I am the one who is supposed to marry you. I
am your husband ”, he says
“I know. I love you too. I want to get married to you too
Ntozakhona I really do ”, I say softly.
There was some silence between us. I laid my head on his chest
and he huffed.
“What now ?” he asks.
“I ... I want you to take my virginity", I looked at him.
“Cholo I...” I kissed him.
“Please”, he nods
“When are you getting married ? ”, he asks thinking.
“3 weeks time I am leaving to Nongoma ”, he looks at me.
“I am sorry"
****************
“Your house is beautiful Sane”, indeed it is. Chiliza comes down
the stairs after settling her daughter down.
“Thank you , we are called here by Mrs Ndlovu ,Cholo”, I
swallow the cake and drink some juice.
“Uhm thank you for everyone being here and your husband's
and partners including mine bringing you here”, they nod.
“I have a proposal ladies ”, I say
“Ok”, Slindo says.
“Wine , we have discovered how we are alcoholics before ”,
everyone nods.
“Why not produce our own wine ? ", I say
“I love the idea ! Say nothing further ”, Sane says
“How are we going to do that ?”, Chiliza asks.
“Having a wine yard , we have to get a big piece of land and buy
it. Plant our own grapes that we will have potential buyers who
buy our grapes and along the way we could also produce our
own wine. Baby steps though ", I say
“I see what you are speaking off ”,Ciyela says.
“We just need to do a business plan and present it to our
partners”, I say
“They will be investors to this idea ”, I nod.
“I guess we are going to own a business Ladies”, everyone
seems excited.
“Good then " ,I take my cake.
“Sane I am hungry, don't you have something more tangible ”, I
say
“I cooked. Let me dish up ”, she stood up with Ciyela and they
went to the kitchen.
“How is the baby treating you ?”, Slindo asks.
“Good so far.You ? How is therapy ?", I ask.
Last time I checked she was attending therapy with Nazo as
well. I don't understand it but it seems to be working well for
them.
“Its going well. We will try again soon ”, she says
“My daughter is the first and last one. I am tired ", Chiliza says
and we laugh.
“Until you meet your prince charming ", Slindo says.
“Chiliza , I don't think so. ”, she raises her hands.
CHAPTER 22

“Have you talked to your father since ....”, I raise my hand.

“No and I don't want to talk to him.”, I say
“I haven't talked to my mother in years as well”, Slindo adds.
“Why ? ",I ask.
Sane passes the bowel full of green salad to me and I push it
aside. We are having lunch all together.
“She never cared to see how I am doing so why bother ", she
says.
“We should call mom , I am sure she misses us ”,Ciyela tries to
cover this sudden sad moment.
“We miss her too, I even wanted to go back to Nongoma at
some point ”,Sane says.
“And now that she has extended the place . You can visit
comfortably”, Chiliza says.
“Even before I was comfortable”, Slindo says.
“So we are going to Nongoma next week ladies ? ”, Sane has
already planned this I see.
“I am in and the kids are with Sakhile at the moment ”, Slindo
says.
“In what ? ”, we turn our heads and see Ntozakhona walking in
followed by Langelihle.
“Lange how are you ?!”
“I am good Sisi”, he says.
“Sit down and have something to eat , Have anything ”, Sane
says bringing forth the food to him as he settles down.
“You came early”, I say.
“The others are outside.”, Ntozakhona says.
“Cholo is leaving next week for 7 months "
“Cela nginga ngihlanyisi manifuna ukuhamba indlela nizihambe
nodwa ( Please don't drive me crazy, if you have trips to go to
then go alone)”, Ntozakhona says and we laugh.
“Sit down. We are pulling your leg”, I sit him down
“This food is nice sisi”, lange says.
“When are you visiting me? , I don't trust Afika's guardian skills
”,Sane says.
“Anytime ”, he says.
I dish up for Ntozakhona and we all eat .
_______

SLINDOKUHLE

Stress, it's getting to us. Our emotional and mental being being
questioned , are we surviving ? I don't know. I would say we are
when maybe we are not , just trying to convince ourselves.
After leaving Kzn yesterday and passing to see my kids before
we left. They all go as a package,no one gets left behind and
Snalo enjoys playing with his little cousin. I guess it's because
they are almost the same age.
The sounds of the water attract me to the bathroom like a
magnet. I lean against the wall and fold my arms while looking
at the man Infront of me , the glass door only masked in some
steam, he looks stressed and in some much deeper thoughts
than before. The water switches off and he gets out. I give him
the towel and we look at each other before he wraps hit
around his waist after wiping himself.
“I have made some food”, I say.
“You are going in a night shift ?”, he asks.
“Tomorrow I am going in ”, I move away from him, he follows
as well.
He goes to the closet and comes back after a few folding his
top.
“I am worried about you”, he puts his top on. Oh that's why he
looked like he was in deep thoughts.
“I am fine ”, I say.
“Slindo”, he comes close to me.
He shouldn't, I feel a lump forming in my throat and he takes
me into his arms , it's realeased and tears stream down my
cheeks. He kisses my forehead and brushes my back slowly in
comfort.
“I am sorry, it's all my fault”, his voice is breaking but he is
trying to mask that.
I have never blamed him for our daughter's departure.I always
blamed myself more than anything. She was inside me and I
had one job and it was to protect her till she arrives. I swallow
and wipe my tears .
“We will have more kids”, I say
“Its ok”, I keep on saying in his embrace.
_______
My ring tone irks me out of sleep, he has his arm around me.
We soothed our hearts to sleep. I reach for the side and take
my phone , the ringing has stopped now. It's a missed call from
Sakhile , the time is 5 pm. I sit up and Nazo stirs and turns the
other way. I give Sakhile a call, I hope there is nothing wrong. It
goes to voice mail. I try for the second time and still the same
response.
“Nazo”
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he groans. I shake him a bit and get off the bed.
Now I am stressed. I try him again and nothing. I try Ciyela and
she answers by luck. She might know where her boyfriend is.
“Hey , I am sorry to disturb you and out you in this position...”,
she interrupts me.
“No it's fine.Linathi is having a head ache and Sakhile panicked
but I gave her panado and she is asleep ”, she says.
“Oh , did she vomit any blood or ...?”, I ask. I am panicking.
“No , just a headache.”, She says
“Ok, please inform me when she wakes up ”, I say
“I will, you relax there. We have the kids covered”, she says
“Uhm thank you. Sorry about this again”, I say
“Its ok”
We end the call and I breathe out. I turn and Nazo is looking at
me.
“Linathi has a headache”, I say
“Did they take her to the hospital?”, he asked.
“I am worried honestly but it's just a headache. We will see I
guess. Ciyela will update me ”, I say
I get in bed and sit on him and we share a kiss.
“You look tired”, I say
“I am but I am fine. If she is not ok by tomorrow we are going
down”, he says
“Ok”, I kiss his forehead.
“Rest”

CIYELA

He comes from the bedrooms and runs his fingers on his head
and then his face. He looks frustrated.
“If you need more hot dogs , they are on the counter Samkelo",
he nods and I walk up to Sakhile moving from the lounge.
“Calm down , we all had headaches and still do”, I say
“Owami had headaches as well and turned to be brain cancer
!”, he says
I swallow.
“If she is not ok, tomorrow we are taking her to the doctor”
I place my hands on his shoulders and look at him.
“Ok”, he says
He gives me a perk and I shy away.
“There are kids”, I say
“I am sorry then ”
I haven't turned against my work of Sex after marriage. I won't
back down from that.
“Let me get on the pots”,I say
“I know you should be in res right now but...”, I stop him.
“I love being around you and your children are lovely just like
Slindo”, he nods.
“What would you like to have ?”, I ask
“Anything”, he says and i nod.
“Give me an hour or have a hot dog”, I say
“I will wait", I nod and move to the kitchen.
CHOLO

“I will wash the dishes Sisi ”, Langelihle stands up.

“He is so respectful ”, I say after he walks away.
“An opposite of Afika " , Ntozakhona says and pulls me to him.
We are sitting at the lounge and Langelihle is visiting us for a
few days I hope. I like the kid's company.
“Afika is ok as well”, I say
“So he is going to be part of the family business ?",I ask
“No, not yet I think. We don't know a way forward with him
because he has finished highschool. ”
“Ask him what he likes doing and he can study into that”, I
shrug .
“Thats actually great”, I nod.
I feel a kick on my stomach.
“Your child is being restless now ”, I say
He places his hand on my stomach, he then removes it.
“I am sorry”, I say
“Its ok”, I sigh and sit up.
“I feel tired”, I get up.
“Lange, good night !”, I say
“Good night ”, I walk up the stairs.
CHAPTER 23

SLINDOKUHLE

I look at the piece of cloth in my hands and I run my fingers on

it and I sighed. I fold it and I put it inside a box and I looked
around the room. I went to the shelf in the room and took the
framed pictures and I look at them. I smile and I place the
picture on the shelf and looked at the other one.
“I am off in an hour”, he says.
I turn around and place the picture down. He looks around the
room.
“You will change the room back to a guest room ?”, he asks.
“No , it will stay as it is. I just folded the clothes and put the
diapers away”, I say. He nods.
“Atually I was thinking of giving away the baby clothes if it's
ok”, I say
“Its ok, we will buy new ones once we ...”, he clears his throat.
I went to him and I wrap my arms around him.
“Everything will be ok”, he looks down on me.
“You say ?”, I nod.
“I love you Slindo, so much”, he says.
“I love you too
I remove myself.
“Lets go out for breakfast. My treat”, I say
“You know I wouldn't allow that ", he says
“I am your wife Nazo, let me spoil you ”, I take his hand and we
move out of the nursery.
He squeezes my butt and I stop and turn to him.
“Nazo”, I say
“How about we skip breakfast?”, he picks me up and walks
down the passage
“And do what?”, I ask
He smirks and licks his lips before perking mine.
“And play between the sheets”, He kisses my neck and I giggle.
“Are you up for that ?”, I say
“Most definitely”
He pins me on the wall when we are about to reach out
bedroom.
“Where is Zama ?”, Zama is our house assistant.
“I gave her a week off”, He says removing my top and cupping
my breasts.
“Oh”, I run my fingers on the back of his neck to his head.
He kisses my collar bone and goes to my neck, he slightly bites
it softly and moves to my lips and we share a kiss. His hands go
to my leggings and he moves them to the middle of my thighs
and so as my underwear. His finger finds it way to my nookie
and he slowly circulated. He pulled his down as well and took
out his shaft and rubbed the tip on my Virgina. I was feeling
fuzzy and wet at the same time. It doesn't take my husband to
do much to get me aroased. His touch does wonders to my
body and reacts quiet quickly
“I will always love you , don't forget that”, he says before
penetrating me.
I wrap my arms around his body and go to run my fingers
around his neck and head before I kiss him as he thrusted.

CHOLO

“Sis there is someone here to see you”, Lange says.

I am sitting by the pool side while doing some research
regarding wine yard but Ntozakhona suggested it's best to buy
one instead of starting from scratch. I have to run that idea past
the ladies before we present our business concept to our
partners.
“They can come this side”, he nods and walks off. This child is
so well mannered.
I placed the laptop next to me and Lange came back followed
by my sister. I stood up from the pool chair and waited for her
to reach me.
“Thank you Lange , there is money in my purse. You can order
anything you want”,I say
“Bhuti gave me his card , do you need anything?", He asks
“Pizza and ribs. Extra cheese”, he nods and walks off.
I am scared of him driving even though he can. What if
something happens , he is young. No I am paranoid and Afika
has said so regarding his brother. He is small and needs to be
taken care off.
“Thandiwe ”, I pointed at the outside couches and she walked
there
I follow after her taking the laptop and I settle Infront of her.
“Cholo”, she says.
“What can I do for you Thandiwe ? You want to run and tell my
father something so he can try and ruin my marriage !?”, I say
“Calm down ”, I chuckle.
“Mom is turning in her grave for your behaviour. Umdala to act
like this , can't I be happy? Have a peaceful life? What is your
problem with me ?! Mmmh ? ”, she swallowed
“I am sorry , I ... I was Jealous", she says.
“About what ?”, I am confused.
“You , look how everything is turning out for you. You are
married to one of the greatest stable family. You can have
anything. Look at the house you live in and mine is not even
quarter of it. I am sure it's a bedroom. You have someone who
loves you and still loves you after years”, she says.
“You can't compare to me. This is not my work , yes
Ntozakhona loves me and I love him. This is all his Thandiwe
and I am just sharing it but it's his. I have no degree. I have no
stable job and about to be a mother. I am a house wife.
Anything can happen and this would be gone. I love you, I
always have but you are blinded by I don't know what ...", She
looks down.
“I am getting divorced", she says.
I am silent. I don't know what to say.
“I am sorry", I say
“Yeah, it wasn't working out ”, she says
“After the death of Akhona it has never been the same. I
constantly blame him. It's his fault as his mistress stabbed our
child ”, I cringe and I stand up and hug her.
“Its ok, everything will be fine. Dust yourself and ugeze ,
ubemuhle and someone will want you. Better than him ”, I say
“You think ?", She says.
“Yes, stop plotting against me nawe kodwa. I have no bad blood
with you and I am tired of it ”, she nods.
“I will try , i am thinking of visiting dad this weekend ”, she
says.
“I won't go , he doesn't want me”,I say
“Cholo”, I shook my head.
“I will see you then ", we both stood up and my phone rings.
“Uhm I will see you ”, she nods and walks out.
“Gatsheni ”
“Where are you and Langelihle ?", His breathing is heavy
“At home ”, I say
“Ok, stay there. I love you ”
“Ntozakhona ”, he has hung up.
I went inside the house and Lange is watching some tv. This
child must have a social life. This is depressing.
_________

50 missed calls, 10 voice notes , 5 messages and 4 days and still

no husband of mine. At first I was stressed and now I am
pissed. He hasn't called since that day and I have been trying
him every single day. No one from the Ndlovu family has
showed up to atleast inform me where this husband of mine is !
Calm down Cholo and think of the baby inside of you.
I walk down the stairs , he better not be cheating where he is.
No he is cheating ! With who ? Anyone ? I feel a pang of hurt.
No I am hurt by that.
“This is the hundredth time , I am leaving you. You won't find
me here anymore and I am taking my child and Langelihle with
!”, I hang up and get to the kitchen.
Lange is making some food , actually he is cooking. God bless
this child because I am hungry.
“You haven't heard anything from your brothers?”
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he shakes his head.
“No sisi, I haven't”, he says.
“Let me try again ”,I make the call and it goes to voicemail.
“Don't think of coming home anymore. Stay where you are , I
hope she is worth it nx ! ", I place my phone on the counter.
“I am sure they are ok”, I don't care about that.
“What did your father say ?", He dishes up and gives a plate to
me.
Looks nice and I am ready to have this in my mouth.
“He doesn't know where they are , even the uncles ”, he says.
“I am sure they are covering your brother's acts. ", I take my
plate and walk up the stairs.
Where is he ? Now I am worried and it's stressing me out when
I am not supposed to be stressed. I didn't call the ladies and
asked because I didn't want to bother them and add my stress
on them. I get in our room and I get down to eating ,, I am
trying to crack my skull into where he could be. I finish eating
then went downstairs to wash the dishes. It was only mine in
the sink. I did and made some sugared water and drank it
before I went upstairs. I need to rest. That's the only way I can
think of staying calm better.
The lack of sleep is what woke me up from this nap. I sat up and
look around the room , I took my phone and I check it. Still
nothing from my husband. Is he trying to kill me softly with
stress because he is going to achieve. I went to wash my face
and since my mouth. I went down stairs before I can reach the
bottom stairs I heard voices. I get down and I go to the kitchen
,I open the cupboards and check for what ? I don't know. I close
it a bit roughly and I huff opening the other containing snacks. I
grabbed the chips and closed it. I turned around and he was
standing there. I look at him and move from where i am .
“I hope you found a wife in the process of your trip”, I walk past
him and walk up the stairs.
He is after me , I get in our bedroom and I go and pull out my
suitcase. He instead closes the door and lock it. The audacity
this man has to do that !
“Ungangicasuli Ntozakhona ungalinge ungicasule ngomoya
owenkosi ungalinge ungicasule ukudlula lokhu ( Don't piss me
off Ntozakhona don't even try and piss me off. In the lord's
name don't try pissing me of more than this)”, I say .
I pull the suitcase and I went to take my clothes and throw
them inside.
“Can we talk?”, I chuckled.
“When did you finally remeber you have a wife who is at home
and she has been stressed ? What I i lost the baby ? ”, I look at
him. He looks down
“I can explain, I .. am sorry”,he says
“I am going home because it's seems like some of us are not
ready for this marriage. Just because I am in bad terms with my
father doesn't mean I don't have a second home. ”, I take my
shoes and throw them inside.
“Nelisiwe is pregnant ”,I stop packing. I turn to him.
“Where does that involve you or me ?”, I ask
“Its mine ”, I felt a dagger being plunged in my heart.
“I can't believe you ”, I felt tears pricking my eyes.
I walk to the main door and he caught up to me. I don't want to
be here anymore.
“Baby please, I am sorry” , I felt like the lump in my throat was
suffocating me too much.
“Ooen this door ”, I say
“Ntozakhona open this door ”, he tries to touch me but I slap
his hands away.
I am breaking down without breaking down. He finally opens
the door and I rush out like I am being chased. Tears running
down my cheeks. He was with her , he .. he .. I got to the pack
yard and sat behind a tree and I sobbed and let the tears flow.
My heart is shattered, I have never imagined cheating on him.
It's clear that he cheated on me . It has been a year since their
break up and suddenly she is pregnant with his child. He
seemed so sure and it breaks my heart . I move my hands
between my thighs and look at my fingers. They are red. I
search for my phone and I call Langelihle.
“Sisi ”, he says
“Please come to the backyard alone. Take the car keys as well ”,
I say
I am trying to stay calm but it's now a mess. I might loose my
child.
“Ok, I am coming ”, he hangs up and I close my eyes.
“I don't know what I did lord, I don't know who I wronged so
badly. If I did the forgive me God. I am sorry for every bad thing
I have done , my child is innocent and .. and ..”,tears kept on
flowing.
“Sisi , where are you ?”, it's lange.
“I am here ”, he comes and freezes a biy but collets himself.
“Come ”, he helps me up and I hold onto my stomach.
“Where is your brother?”, I ask
“Ntozakhona is upstairs and the rest in the lounge ”, this family
are hypocrites.
I have never been cheated on before and it feels painful, even
in my previous marriage Dabula has never. It feels quiet bad
because I love this man and has committed myself to him. My
chest was closing in on me as we got in the car and he drove
off. He was driving as very fast as he could while I am trying my
best to calm down. He got to the hospital and rushed inside.
They came back with a stretcher and helped me on it before
wheeling me inside. I felt a bit dizzy and placed my hand on my
stomach. It might be the last time touching this bump. I finally
closed my eyes.
_______
I knew it the second I closed my eyes that i won't feel my bump
anymore. I have never felt shattered in my life, I tried
swallowing the lump but it wasn't happening. The door opened
and Lange walks in.
“How are you sisi ? ”, he asks.
How am I ? I feel hopeless.
“I need mah ”, that's all I can say.
“Can I call her?”, I nod.
“She is MaNdawonde”, I say
“Everyone is at the waiting room. Uhm they asked me to check
if it's safe to come in ”, he says
“I don't want to see anyone. ”, the Doctor walks in.
“Good day”, I nod.
“Your Son is a strong one. He is recovering and luckily he has
been fully developed so he will be ok”, Son ?
“My child ?”, he nods.
I hug the doctor crying.
“Thank you”, I feel at a bit of ease.
“You are welcome. He is still in an incubator ”, he is ok.
I let go of him.
“I am sorry about that ”, I say
“Your blood pressure is high. You need to stop stressing , I
suggest that. I will see you later on ”, i nod.
The Doctor walks out and I look at Langelihle.
“i will call Mah ”, I nod.
“Thank you ”, I say
“I will check on you later”, he walks out.
I started praying and thanking God and then my marriage just
had to depress me.
.
.
“Oh ,we heard and i came as soon as I heard”, she gives me a
bear hug and i cry on her chest.
I have heard the Ndlovu's haven't left instead they are here all
day. I don't want to see any of them but Slindo's hugs are
comforting at the moment.
“He cheated and got her pregnant. What did I do ? ”, I say
“Don' t I mean don't ever think you did something. It was his
choice . Don't blame yourself for that ”, she says looking at
me.
“It hurts. I love him. Maybe I shouldn't have came back into his
life and lived peacefully with Mah ”, I say
“I know , I know that feeling and it gets worse but you are
strong. Think of you and your son now. You have someone to
live for. Don't blame yourself. Don't try to justify a man
cheating. I did that and it took me so long to realise i was a fool
and i don't want you to go through what i went through. It's
emotionally draining and you loose yourself Cholo and what's
important. Right now it's you and your son. Whatever decision
you make because it's your marriage just don't loose Cholo
because of wanting to make your marriage work. It's ok
sometimes to let go if you see it's not working out anymore. It's
ok to go back where you are loved and that is home. It's ok to
have a failed marriage. You are not a mechanic for relationships
so you won't fix everything and it's ok. It's ok to feel like
everything's crashing and it's ok to regroup , it's ok to try again
if you want to. I love you and I am here for you ”, she says and I
wipe my tears.
“Everything will be ok”, will it ? Will everything be as ok ?
I went to see my son with Slindo and he looked so pink and so
tiny , like he will just disappear. His little fists scared me as I
looked at him through the incubator.
“He looks adorable”, She says.
My husband will have a child with another woman. I sat down
on the floor and I broke down. She crouched Infront of me , I
felt like everything is coming down crashing on me and I don't
know how to handle it.
CHAPTER 24

“Why ? ”, I close the suitcase and take off my ring.

I look at him and place it on the dresser. He is defeated , I am
defeated and hurt at the same time. I love him but love is just
not enough at times. It's clear I don't have a solid space in his
life and that's ok. There is one man who will love me till death
and that is my son. I didn't sleep those nights at the hospital
crying myself. I don't know how many times I was sedated just
so I can calm down. It got better when MaNdawonde came
through and I felt like I really had someone. Her love is what i
needed and still need.
“Cholo please”, he says
“Bye Ntozakhona ”, I say
I pull the suitcase as I walk to the door.
“I was at a business meeting at the hotel and I bumped into
her. I had never intended, we had a few drinks and things
happened. I am sorry for making her a stamp in our lives, I
promise you it was the first and last time”, he says. I turn to
him.
“She is a stamp in your life now. Bye ”
“Cholo ”, I walk out
I swallow the lump in my throat . I hold onto the wall before I
make my way downstairs. It has been 2 months now and my
son is being discharged today. He is out of the incubator and he
will be in my very arms soon. I get in the lounge
“You are ok?”, MaNdawonde asks.
“Yes , we can leave ”, I look at the Ndlovu family.
“I will bring Ngcebo to the ceremony”, I said looking at Nazo's
father.
“Ok”, they had no say in what I wanted to do.
I pulled my bags and walked out. The cab was already waiting
for mah and myself. We got inside and she pulled me to lay her
head on her chest.
“You will be ok, you will study and be like Ciyela as well as
Chiliza. It doesn't end here ”, Mah says.
I wish I didn't love him. Will I unlove him ? Is it even possible.

SLINDOKUHLE

“My feet are hurting ”, I say as soon as I walk in.

He is having breakfast already. I place my lunch bag on the
table and Zama takes it away. I have just came back from my
night shift. The kids are coming back next week. They are
currently visiting my grandmother.
“How are you ?", I say
“I miss cuddling you at night”, he says
“Next week I will cuddle with you”, I say grabbing the plate.
“Or I can cancel everything and sleep next to you ”, I smile
“If it isn't any hassle then I wouldn't mind ”, I say.
“How is Cholo ? ", He asks.
“She is not ok, Your cousins are shit ", i take the jam and spread
it on the scone.
“Like father like sons” he says.
“I appreciate you ”, I stop what I am doing and look at him.
He reaches out for my hand and he holds it while running the
back of my hand with his thumb. He then kisses my hand. I take
the chicken nuggets and the smell isn't as appeasing.
“Are these nuggets ok?”, I give him the bowel.
“What do you smell? ", He asks.
“They smell off ”, I say.
He smells them.
“No , they are fine”, he pops one in his mouth and smirks.
“What are you smiling about ?”,
“Could it be that a little us is growing in there ", I touch my
stomach
“I don't know, we can do a test after Breakfast"
“Let's room for disappointments ”, he says.
I agree with him. It would be nice to expect again.
“I think I want that cuddle now ”, I say and we stand up.
We make our way upstairs.

CHOLO

“Kodwa ingane kagogo enhle kanje ,mele ngibe nenkomo

uzongilusela ( Granny's beautiful child , I have to have cows so
you can here them)”, I chuckle as I pack the little baby bag.
“We are all set”, I say.
She is playing around with Ngcebo in her arms. She looks
happy
“Excuse me ”, the doctor walks in with forms in his hand.
“Here are the discharge forms ”, the doctor says
I take them and sign them.
“Thank you ”, I say
“If anything happens to him, I am one text away ", he says
“Thank you , I will sure send a message if something strange
happens.”, he nods and walks out.
“Mah we can go ”, I say
She stands up and I take the baby bags and we make our way
out. I am leaving everything behind. It was never mine .
_______
I have decided to take up on studying like mah had suggested
that I should do. I will do teaching and I will study through
UNISA part time. I can't help loving my son more than I should ,
he grows very well everyday and his father once called just to
hear him make sounds. Is it easy letting go of someone you love
? No it's not. That's definitely not but what choice do I have , I
don't want to be hurt.
I was outside sitting on the grass mat while having some
peaches. Ngcebo is asleep and Mah is inside as well, the house
is added another bedroom and so as the kitchen and lounge. I
love MaNdawonde and she is really an amazing woman.my
phone vibrated and i look at it. It's a message from a number I
don't know.
“Can I call ? ", Who is this ?
“Sure ”, it might be Ntozakhona asking about his Son. I will be
going to Msinga tomorrow so I am enjoying myself for now.
It rang and I answered it.
“Hello”, I say
“Cholo , it's Msizi”, oh God no.
“How did you get my numbers ? What do you want ?”, I say
“Calm down please. How are you ?”, he asks.
“I am alive. We are not friends so I don't know why you are
calling. Last time you made me dodge bullets ”
I say
“I am sorry, It was my father but I realize I shouldn't have let
you go ”, devil please.
“Ok sure. Bye ”, I hang up and I block the number.
I sand up and make my way inside the house.
“Mah what should I cook ?”, I ask.
“I will do the cooking rest Cholo”, she says.
“I want to do something ”, I say
“You can do something by packing for tomorrow ", I huff.
“Ok”
I went to the bedroom and I started packing for myself and
Ngceebo as well. He will need more clothes than me. He started
weeping in his sleep and I left everything and took him into my
arms and breast fed him. He sucked until he stopped. He was
back to sleep. I laid him on the bed and check his nappy. It's still
clean .
“Cholo do you want MaKheswa's chicken ?”, oh no. Is it in the
yard.
“What ? ", I say
“Its in my yard again. I am going to catch it ”,
“Dont take it if it's black", her chickens are nice and big.
“Its the white one. I told her to lock them in her place but now.
It's our lucky day”, I hear clucking. I thought she was joking.
“Come let's kill it ”, she says
“I am coming", I left my son.
______
“Cholo ! ”, I hold him close to me.
The main house is being re built I see. Sane rushes up to me
and she uncovers the blanket and peaks.
“He is so cute. How are you?", She asks.
“I am ok, you?",
“I am well as well. ”
We walk off .
“Can I share a room with someone else ”, I ask.
“Most of them have the men In this yard. Afika will share with
Lange until they get his own room and Qiniso seems to have
brought his woman.
“Oh God ”, I say.
“I am sorry. Don't get tempted neh but if you do it's just sex you
don't fall back ", There she goes.
“Sane”,
“I am just saying and you look pretty ", she says.
“Thank you ”, she kisses the top of my head and walks away.
I haven't seen his car so I assume he hasn't arrived. How will I
sleep here ? Jesus please be with me on this tough time.
I open the door and I get inside. There is a cot in the room and
a white dresser. I went to open it and it had some baby stuff. I
look around the room before placing Ngcebo down. I sat on the
bed and took time to just sink everything in. Our wedding
photo is here and it just makes things worse. I take the framed
picture and turn it down. The door opens and he walks In. We
look at each other for a while.
“Hi”, I say
“Hey”, feels like we are strangers.
“He is asleep”, I move towards the door.
“I will stay here a bit”, I nod and walk out.
I breathe out as soon as I am out.
***********
I stood by the stop and waited for him to arrive ,I was hoping
that this week he will arrive . I had asked Afika If he had arrives
and he said no. I sat on the rock waiting but nothing. I look at
the bead bracelet on my wrist and tears fell down from my eyes
wetting my cheeks. My heart felt heavy.
He is angry, he is mad at me that I am getting married. I love
him, not my future husband. I want him to be my husband and
not him. I felt the urge to vomit and I ran to the near bush and I
did. I don't understand the meaning of this. I have been
suspecting that I am pregnant. I want to tell him and I am sure
of it as well. Will he be happy ? Maybe my father will let me be
if I am pregnant with the child of the man I love.
I heard sounds of a vehicle and I turn around. I rushed to my
spot and it wasn't him. I felt disappointed. I turned around and
made my way hope with a heavy heart and face full of tears.
************
“Siletha ingane yomZukulu wenu no Gatsheni, umzukulu
wokuqala wakho mfowethu ,uNtozakhona. Indodana yakhe
uNgcebo (we bring forth your great grandchild , your first grand
child my brother , Ntozakhona's son Nongcebo) Guide him ,
protect him be with him and may all his blessings appear ,
Ndlovu , Gatsheni , Boyabenyathi...” , the clan names were
chanted.
I looked at Ntozakhona before looking at Nazo's father who is
speaking to the ancestors as the now remaining oldest son.
Alot was done for my son and done into him and now it's time
for him to rest. I went to place him on the cot. Tomorrow it's
the festivities and the neighbours will be here to enjoy the
meat and also food. I called Mah and checked how she is and
she seems fine. It's getting dark and I am full, I have already
eaten before. Ngcebo makes some weeping noises and I take
him in my arms. I try to calm him down and change his nappy in
the process as well he doesn't settle it's going into unholy
hours. I applied some things on him so he would settle before I
sat on the bed with him and started feeding him. The way he
sucks fascinates me so very much. I try holding his hand and he
wraps his hand on my finger. I smile , I don't know how I would
be if I lost him. Probably worse than what Slindo went
through.
“He seems to be enjoying”, I look up.
“It hurts though”, a bit. He nods. I focus on the one in my arms
and he has stopped sucking. He is asleep.
He loves sleeping that I have discovered. I stand up and he
comes to take him.
“I will lay him down”, I nod.
He takes him from my arms and lays him down onto the bed
gently . I take off my top as it is wet now , it does get wet from
time to time especially if my breasts are full.
“Please can you pass the pump for me ”, he does and I sit down
and start pumping the milk out.
I get done and I put the milk away and I wipe myself from
everything. I feel hands from behind me as they wrap around
me . His warm breath hitting my neck.
“Nto..”, he kisses it and I am weakening.
“I am very sorry and I will always apologise for everything for
the rest of my life”, he says .
He then picks me up and lays me on the bed and kisses me
while running his fingers under my skirt and moves my
underwear to the side and starts fingering me. I close my eyes
as I feel tingles. He kisses my neck and goes to my lips and we
share a kiss.
_______
As much as I still love him , I don't trust him anymore and I
don't want to hurt myself. What did that mean ? Sane said it's
just sex so I will take it as that. He has his arm wrapped around
my naked body, he is asleep and it is late. I can't sleep because
sleep is not here. These two boys are having the time of their
life, sleeping like a baby.
God knows the love I have for this man , it's too hard for it to
just fade. I take my phone and check the time , it's midnight. His
arm moves and he is shifting. I switch my phone off and lay
down. He comes closer and I feel the warmth.
“I love you Cholo, I truely love you. It was a messed up mistake
and I should've known better than what I did. I am not trying to
just win you back but I need my family in my life. It's my fault
where we are right now. Take your time but just know I love
you so much and I am very sorry. I will prove how sorry I am ”,
he says.
“I feel hoepless” I say
“I am sorry”, I turn to face him.
Can our hearts listen to our minds for once ? I am going home
after this , I have to.
CHAPTER 25

“The wine yard idea?”, Ciyela asks.

People are already here enjoying the food and drinks from the
ceremony. I am not supposed to be drinking in my terms.i don't
want to as I am breastfeeding. We are having a plate of food
sitting together and enjoying the meals that we are eating.
“Cholo was the leader of this idea”, Sane says.
“I forfeit the idea for a while.”, I say
“Take your time. We understand ”, Slindo says.
I look at my son who is inside the car seat sleeping. I want to
talk to Slindo about something important but only when we are
alone.
I stand up when I am done with eating.
“I want to rest this one”, I say and pick up my son.
“Slindo can you help me with the car seat”, she stands up.
“Ok”.
I say my goodbyes and we walk to the room that I am using. We
get inside and she place the car seat somewhere. Ntozakhona
bought it , I don't know when. I place Ngcebo down and pull the
little blanket over him so he can feel a bit warm and be ok. I
turn around.
“Can we talk ?”, I ask her.
“Sure", she says and we sit on the bed
“I love Ntozakhona you know , very much for a very long time
as well”, I say
She keeps quiet and lets me talk.
“I am feeling hopeless, I don't know what to do right now ”, I
say
“Its ok, you will figure it out", she says
“I have , I love him but I guess our love for each other wasn't
enough. ”, I say
“What do you mean ?", She asks
“I want a divorce, I shouldn't have seemed him but I don't
regret loving him or coming back. He loves Ngcebo that I know.
He may have failed me as his partner but I know he won't fail as
a father”
She hugs me and I hold onto her. Tears stream down my
cheeks.
“I am sorry Cholo”, she says and I try muffling my sobs inside.
I feel like a mess at the moment. I feel broken.
“I will help you with the procedure ”, Slindo says
“Thank you”, I say.
“Rest ok , you don't look ok”, she says. I nod.
She kisses my forehead and stands up and walks out. I pull the
pillow and I sob on it. It hurts that I love him so much, I still do
and I would never love another man like him but it's clear
where I am and here I stand.

SLINDOKUHLE

I know and understand exactly how Cholo is feeling, I wish I was

like her with Sakhile but I don't regret having my kids , I don't
regret loving him. First boyfriend's are the worst at times and
Cholo and myself fell into the Ndlovu trap. I hope Ciyela sees
her worth when things like this happen. It took some time for
me to be finally here and I healed all because of my husband. I
went on the search for him. We haven't tested mainly because I
am not ready for a disappointing outcome. I am not ready for
that pregnancy test to tell me that I am not pregnant.
I find him with the other men and I ask for him after some
greeting and mini conversations.
“Thembalam”, he wraps his arms around me.
“I was missing you nje ", he chuckles.
“I miss you too,Are you ok?”, I am not. I am worried about
Cholo.
“I am just worried about Cholo”, I say
“Dont stress , for me ”, I nod
“Ok, I won't ”, we hear breaking sounds and some shouting.
We move from where we are.
“What is going on ?”, Sane asks as we reach her.
It's Ntozakhona's room, the noise is coming from there.
“Ntozakhona open up here ”, Qiniso is knocking on the door.
“He is in there ?", Nazo asks.
“And Cholo”, I say.
Oh my God , I hope he is not doing anything to her and the
baby.
“What is going on ?", Sakhile's father appears.
“We don't know. Ntozakhona and Cholo are in there”, Qiniso
says.
“Ntozakhona !”, he says.
“Get a spear key or something. Qiniso unlock this door ”,
Bab'Ndlovu says.
We hear other breaking sounds and a baby cry broke out. My
heart is beating too fast.
“Calm down Slindo", Nazo says and I am starting to
hyperventilate.
“What is going on ?", baba asks and Sane spills everything.
“Ntozakhona cheated and impregnanted his ex ”, She says.
“When did this happen and why weren't we informed ? "
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baba asks. Can they just open the damn door ?
“Its been a while ”, He gives off a stare at us.
“We are going to deal with all of you later. Are you sure about
the baby?", baba asks.
“We don't know. ”, Sikelela adds.
“Ntozakhona ”, there is silence. Only the baby is heard and it's
crying it's lungs out. My heart is beating fast and tears are
nearing
“No, Nazo", I say softly looking at him he holds me
“Calm down. Please ”, please can it be not what I think it is.
CHOLO

After Slindo left I got off the bed immediately after I was done
crying and I packed my bags and Ngcebo's as well. The
ceremony is done so what am I staying for. It's best I go home
right now. I sniff and wipe my tears. I couldn't stomach looking
at our wedding picture dangling on the wall. It was breaking my
heart while looking at it. The door opens and I turn around. He
walks in the room.
“You are packing ?”, he asks
“I am going home”, I say
“Can we talk?”, he says
“There is nothing left to talk about either than Ngcebo. ”, I turn
to him.
“Cholo..”
He steps closer and I put my hand up.
“I think it's best if we divorce”, I say
“No Cholo , we've just got married !!”, he says
“And you broke that marriage , I don't want this Ntozakhona !”,
I say and huff.
“The baby is sleeping”, I say
He comes close running his hands on his face.
“I messed up , I know and I will forever be sorry about it Cholo
but please.. please not this, anything else”, his voice is
becoming husky.
As much as it is breaking him but I don't know if I will ever trust
him.
“There is a baby Ntozakhona. We can't turn away from that ”,
he takes the vase and throws it at the wall. I jump and the baby
wakes and cries. I rush to his side but Ntozakhona pulls me and
I scream scared while covering myself. He hugs me and I cry.
“I would never hit you, I would never do that. Cholo please , I
am begging you”,we are both crying.
“Ngiyaxolisa Sthandwa Sam , ngiyaxolisa Ngenhliziyo Yami
yonke ( I am sorry my love,I am sorry with my whole heart ) I...”
he lets go of me and starts breaking things. I attend Ngcebo and
try to calm him down by anything but he is screaming.
Knocks on the door have followed for Ntozakhona to open. I
guess he locked the door , that's a bad tendency he has. I don't
see where the key is.
“Ntozakhona stop , you will hurt yourself", I say
He does and he goes down and joins Ngcebo as well with his
head burried between his thighs.
“I love you Cholo , please don't leave me ”, I feel torn apart just
by watching him right now.
“I am sorry , I love you so much but its not working...” I say
I move to him and sit next to him. I rest my head on his
shoulder.
“Its ok to grow apart”, I say. A lump forms in my throat.
I am trying to convince myself that but I can't accept it. I don't
want to but what can I do ?
***********
Its my first night away from home. Away from the place I only
knew and away from Ntozakhona. All that I had in mind was
him and our child, our little blessing. I am married now and I
don't love my husband but seems to be nice and not the way I
expected him to be. He is asleep while I look at the curtain. A
lump forms in my throat as I wonder that maybe he moved on
right after I told him I am getting married. He never came back
for me and I tried fighting from my side but it all failed. I have
to let go but I can't. I will hold on the love I have for
Ntozakhona Ndlovu just so I can push on, though it pains me
**********
Ngcebo is asleep once more. No one is taking to anyone but we
are both embraced in his arms , we cried and fought , made a
mess and now we are comforting each other. I look at him as
we are sitting on the floor and he has his back against the bed.
His head laying back on it with his eyes closed. His hands are
moving. Caressing me as I am sitting between him and I look
and Ngcebo who is laying on my chest. I look around the room
and it's a mess. A big mess like how our marriage is right now.
Nelly will forever be in our lives. He loves her ,you wouldn't
sleep with someone you don't love
______

NTOZAKHONA

I keep playing around with it, twisting and turning it but never
to take it off for once. My mind is in thoughts, I brought this
upon myself. I couldn't imagine loosing Cholo I was even ready
to bury this but when Nelly said she is pregnant I couldn't hide
a human from her. I don't know if we will ever work things out.
Will we ? The house feels empty and lonely with out her , cold
and so as the bed. I miss her so much and I would try anything
to win her back but divorce is not an option .
“Hey daddy”, I look up and her stomach is a bit bigger than I
anticipated.
“You may sit down Nelisiwe”, I say.
She places her bag on the table and she calls for the waiter. We
are at the restaurant discussing a way forward regarding the
baby. I am not going to neglect my child. I wouldn't do that. She
orders some wine and i look at her.
“White wine please”, the waiter nods and walks off.
“You are not supposed to be drinking while pregnant”, i say.
“Its just one glass”, she says.
“Even if it's a drop Nelisiwe you are nkt supposed to be drinking
with my child in there !”
“Its not even your...”, she shuts her mouth.
I give her a look.
“Its not even your position to say that. I am carrying it. ”, i click
my tongue and stand up . She will pay , I am not doing that.
“Where are you going?”i ignore her.
CHAPTER 26

I was doing laundry outside , mostly being Ngcebo's as he

changes a lot. Mah is inside watching tv after she woke up early
before sunrise just so she can clean. Ntozakhona , I haven't
talked to him since the day we departured. I am worried about
him, the announcement that we should divorce really got to
him. At this point i don't know what to really do ? I have filed
for a divorce with Slindo's guidence and help and now I am just
waiting for the papers to be delivered . I am confused at the
same time. I get done then I go and hang the clothes on the
washing line. I discard the water after and made my way
inside.
“Should I start with the pots ?”, I ask.
“No it's still hot”, I nod
“I am going to check on Ngcebo. ”, I say
“When you are done we need to talk”, she says
“Ok” , I make my way to check on Ngcebo and he is standing at
the ceiling . His blinking made me feel at ease
I pick him up and kiss his cheek and lips. I can't resist it.
“You are well behaved today”, I take his bottle and I go to the
lounge.
Mah switches off the tv as I settle down and looks at me.
“Whay is going on Cholo?”, she asks.
“About what ?", I ask as well
“Your husband, your marriage. I thought you were coming here
to clear your head but you just told me you wanted a divorce ”,
I keep quiet.
“Why are you still here ?”, she asks.
“I want to be here. This is home”, I say
“I am not denying that. Do you love that boy?”, she asks.
“I do ”, I say
“Then why can't you try and fix what is going on, God loves us
and gives us a second chance if we mess up. I am not justifying
his cheating Cholo but I am just saying. You want to throw away
your marriage for something that could've been a trial that you
could overcome together. Marriage is hard and no child's play
but you out in the effort till you see that you can't. This will
always be your home and I will always open my arms for when
you need me ”,she says
“He loves her mah. How will he sleep with someone he doesn't
love?”, I say
“Temptation, the devil is testing your marriage. He doesn't love
her but you, I have seen it Mntanami. You have never been
happier than being with him. ”, she smiles.
“The baby , we are talking about a child ”, I say
“You love your husband's child at your pace , it will
automatically happen. Do you want him to move on without
you ?", I cringe
“No , I am confused ", I sigh.
“Try, fail trying than not at all”, I nod.
“Ok"
“Let me take him ”, she takes Ngcebo from my arms.

CIYELA

I don't know which ones I should get , the body spray that is. I
am contemplating in thoughts as to which one I can buy while
Sakhile is getting some cold dinks on the other side. We have
pushed shame and I think we have came a bit too far as well. I
am in my second year and already our relationship has reached
it's year peak. Nothing has been shady and I trust him. He has
proven himself , I feel bad for Cholo. She loves that man and he
doesn't realize how much he broke her with his act. I throw in
the Peach scented body spray in the trolley.
“That seemed like an agressive throw”, I look up.
“I am ...”
“Don't even think about it, This is my woman move it ”, the guy
does and I turn to Sakhile.
He puts in the cold drinks.
“That was rude”, I say
“Rude or not they don't know how much I sweat to keep you”, I
giggle.
“I feel special ”i say
“You are special”, he says
“Movies ?”, I ask
“Anything you want”, he says.
I push the trolley.
“Cici ”, he says and I stop.
“The old Sakhile is gone. I am not him anymore, I am saying this
because...”, I interupt him.
“I know. ”,
I do know. I access his phone to play games everyday and he is
always around. I am not insecure , I trust him.
“Come let's get you home”, he says and we go to pay.

NTOZAKHONA

“Slow down ”, I look at him.

“Shouldn't you be governing the country or something ?”, I say
“I am not there right now ”, I take a gulp of the susbtance in the
glass and throw it across the room , he holds my hands pinned
on the couch.
“Don't think of doing something crazy”, he says.
“I can't loose her Nazo, I messed up I know but I can't loose her
”, I say
“I know you love Cholo , I won't beat you up for what you have
done already but fix it if you still want her”,I say
“And that bitch Nelisiwe. She will know what's in for her ”, I say
She will know me and remember me on the other side when I
am done with her.
“Its hard I know.” he lets go of my hands and I grab the divorce
papers.
They had just arrived right now and I don't know what to do ,
this is really happening. I refuse to loose Cholo, I refuse.

CHOLO

I breathe out and look at Ngcebo for a while and I kiss his cheek
in the process. I breathe out once more and move my hand
towards the door but I stop myself. I have been doing that for
the past 20 minutes and I haven't moved since.
“Cholo, just go and try fix things. You are loving. You will love
this child i promise you”, I gave myself a pep talk .
I just walked right in, I am still the owner of this house. No you
are not Cholo, you send divorce papers remember ?
I was approcahing the lounge , I could hear voices . I want to
turn but my body keeps on pushing me to go forth.
“That was close and careless.You could go to jail for this !”,I
stop my tracks and hold Ngcebo close to me.
“She lied to me and made me a fool. My wife, I don't have her
anymore so she should loose something as well !”, that's
Ntozakhona's voice. It's clear that they are talking about
Nelisiwe.
“Her life? I get you are angry but this is shit , absolute bullshit
!”,
“Atleast no one will ever mess with me ever again. When I
looked at her in those eyes she knew she messed with the
wrong one as she took her last breath”
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oh my God. I move back and bump the vase behind me and it
drops.
Ngcebo starts wailing and I turn around shaking as I walk out . I
fiddle with his bag to take out his bottle and I find it. Someone
hold my arm and I freeze. My heart rate is beating fast.
“Cholo”, I turn around and I look at him.
I move my eyes to Ngcebo as he is crying. He takes the bottle
and takes Ngcebo from my arms and rocks him back and forth.
He closes his eyes and holds him closer to his chest.
I don't know what to say or what to do. What do you do when a
murderer is Infront of you ? How could he ?
“Who are you?”, those words slip out of my mouth and he
opens his eyes and looks at me.
“Please , can we go inside”, he says softly.
I look at him, Ngcebo has also calmed down and seems to be
asleep as well.
___________
I feel out of place for a moment. Like a visitor that should be
leaving anytime right now. Nazo, he excused himself as soon as
he saw me, Ntozakhona went to place Ngcebo down while I am
sitting here. I placed my bag on the couch and I made my way
to the picture hung up on the wall. I took it down. I wonder
when this was put up or I have never noticed it. It's like I come
across each and every picture from our wedding to remind me
of why we got married.
“He sleeps alot”, I turn around and look at him then the item in
my hands.
“He does”, I place the picture on the little table.
He looks at me with hands in his pocket, no one has said
anything to anyone.
“I recieved the Divorce papers ”, he says
“Oh” I say
“I am not signing that rubbish Cholo, we made vows ...”,
“And you broke them”, I say
“I know. I have said an amount of sorries and the only sorry I
will give to you now is proving how sorry I am. ”He says
“Be honest with me”, I say
“Ok”, I fiddle with my fingers.
“Where is Nelisiwe?”, I ask. I want to know something.
“In the Indian ocean , sharks meal”, I cringe
“You killed her ?", Obviously he confirmed it.
“She is out of our lives for good. Just know that”, he says
“And the child?”, I ask
“It wasn't mine. ”, he went to his whisky and poured some.
“She kind of hinted that the child is not mine”, he says.
“Askies( sorry)"
“Cholo”
“Mmmh ?”, I look at him.
“Not enough”, I say
“Its beyond that”, he says
“Why did you cheat with your ex?", I ask
“It was a stupid mistake ”,
“A mistake is tripping and falling a mistake is forgetting
something, you knew what you were doing Ntozakhona you
knew !!”, I suddenly feel angry at him.
“I knew”, he looks down.
“Do you know how that makes me feel ? I lay awake at night
wondering if I was enough, what I did wrong ? What I lacked ?
What she had that I your wife didn't have ? What hurts the
most is that you kept on saying you love me when you didn't ! If
you did you wouldn't have made me feel so insecure , so bad
and broken inside. You don't know the damage you did and you
tell me that you love me , Don't fuck with me Ntozakhona don't
! I have never saw myself doing what you did to me with
another man because you were enough to me. I fucken love
you to don't want to hurt you that way or ever imagine doing
that and ....”, I went down and sobbed , I felt a lump in my
throat and my chest closing in as I am crying.
“I am sorry”, I wish to slap him a couple of times. Maybe I will
be ok after.
_______
“How are you?”, she asks. How am I ? I cried myself to sleep
and felt a bit better when I woke up. .
“Ok", I say while a sigh follows. I look at the coffee Infront of
me.
“You will be ok, if you both are willing to make things work then
you can make it work”, she says
“You make it sound so easy Mah, I..I don't feel good enough for
him”, I say
“Its not easy that I know. You are more than enough and any
man would be lucky to have you”, she says
“Can I have that other man that needs to be lucky to have me
?”
“Cholo ! ”, I laugh
“You are married, He knows you will leave him if he repeats ”,
She says
“And I won't hesitate in doing that, I don't take that shit ” I say
“Pray my child. You are swearing now , but pray for God to
guide you”, I take a sip off my coffee.
“I will pray ”, I sigh.
“I love you Mah ”, I say
“I love you too much ”, she hangs up. I finish the coffee up and I
wash the cup.
It's great that I have pumped the milk out. Its night time and I
don't know where about around the house Ntozakhona
disappeared to. My breasts feel a bit better right now. I went
around and found him in the main bedroom laying on the bed.
He turns his head to my side and looks at me. I lean against the
door frame.
“Do me like this again and I will leave you, I don't care how
many kids I have with you then ”,I point at him. I won't take
nonsense . I am done being that rural Cholo.
“No divorce?”, he sits up.
“No, our trust has been broken and I don't know how that will
ever be repaired. Good night”.
“Cholo”, I look at him.
He gets off the bed and comes towards me ,he pulls me to him
and gives me a kiss. I stupidly return it as well. He breaks it and
he looks at my hands and they are empty. He lays a perk.
“Can you lay next to me ?”, oh no.
“Ntoz...”
“Please”, hw says.
“No touching ”, I say.
“Ch...” I give him a stare.
“Ok”, we move inside the bedroom and I take off my gown and
get in bed.
He switches off the lights and he gets in as well. I take a pillow
and place it between us.
“I think that's unecessary”, he says.
“It is. Good night”, I say
“Good night”
I close my eyes ,the pillow is removed and his hands wrap
around me. He pulls me to him.
“Ntozakhona”, I warn
“You remember what I said to you 10 years ago as a promise?”,
he is ignoring me.
“You said you will give me my heart's desires”, I say.
“I will give you that ”
CHAPTER 27

Noise ! It's what brough us here together. To celebrate life of a

child, Slindo and Sakhile's middle child, Zabelo. He is 10 now
and very grown. Soon he will start puberty and his voice will be
deeper than it is now. Not all of the boys have deeper voices in
puperty but maybe. I didn't know hat I should get for a 10 year
old boy so I opted for a gift card and he will buy anything he
wants. Ngcebo is with Samkelo down the jumping castle slides
screaming his lungs out in joy. He can stumble his way around
but my little boy is growing.
“Oh my God , how will we round the kids up?”, Slindo says
placing the cake on the table.
The food is prepared I assume. We are in Richmond crest,
Sakhile's home and the event is hosted there.
“You bought wine?”, Sane asks.
“I thought you said you don't drink since that Therapy session”,
Slindo says
“Just one glass and yes I am ”, Good for her.
The wine yard idea has been put on hold , we need to do more
research and see what we actually would love to do together.
“Cholo can you get the ribs off the counter. I forgot them”, I
nod.
I walk off inside and I get the ribs that are needed, I give them
to Slindo and she places them on the table.

The party soon starts. Happy birthday is sung around and Slindo
keeps on telling Zabelo to smile. Ms party is Linathi, she said it
herself . She wants to be entitled to everything and I am just
assuming it's because she is the only girl and will be the only girl
out of Slindo's 6 boys. You heard well, 6 boys, she is blessed
with 3 more boys. She is done with kids now, that is what she
said after birth. They are cute small things.
Photos of the parents together and Zabelo are taken. Its lovely
how they all work together into giving these kids such love and
not be on each other's throats about who is who's wife or ex
wife.That is nice.
“Naledi ! ”, Sane calls out and looks at her and tells her to smile
so she can snap a photo.
Did I tell you that Sane Adopted a child , her name is Naledi and
she is 10 years old. She comes from a disadvantaged home , her
mother is gravely ill and should be in heaven right now but the
only thing that held her was Naledi. She couldn't leave Naledi
with her family. They ill treated her till her death bed. I don't
know how Sane found this child but she loves her like her very
own. So as Sikelela . I wonder when will they will have another
child. I didn't even know they had a child until today when
Sikelela's photocopy arrived. Where has this child been ?
Boarding school ? That is the only explanation.
Everyone is now indulging in their food and Slindo has
disappeared with her husband. Maybe checking on their kids
but there is are nanny's looking after them. My marriage , how
is it going ? Well it's going well so far . I try as much as I can to
not let my trust issues get in the way, I feel insecure as well I
won't lie but I am trying not to at the same time. I have forgiven
Ntozakhona fully but that doesn't mean I forget. It does come
to me at times but I have forgiven him.
“How is life Chiliza?", I ask. It has been some time.
“Its good, School is going great as well”, She got a bursary to go
and study.
“Thats wonderful and any boyfriend ?", Sane asks.
“There is this bug that won't take a no for an answer ", She says
irritated
“Ouuh who is he ?", Sane leaves her food and suddenly want to
hear about this mysterious guy.
“My professor”, we both look at her and then each other.
“How old is he? ", I ask.
“30” , he is young.
“Is he hot ? Does he have a house ? Car ? Kids ? Married ?”,
Sane says
“I don't really care about that. I don't want any man in my life.
Can't they just get it ",she says.
“We get it ”, I say
“But I like this girl”, she says with a smile.
“Oh my God. You are lesbian ”, Sane says jumping up and
down.
How old is she ? Her energy is sky high.
“Lesbian ?”, Chiliza asks.
“Oh , I forgot you are from the rural area. You like girls”, Sane
says.
“You like girls?”,I ask.
“I don't know ”

We hear some screaming and we turn. Oh god whats going on.

We stand up and make our way inside the house.
“What ia going on ?”, I ask.
Slindo is dancing around singing wedding songs. Are we missing
something ?
“What is going on ?”
“Someone is getting married ”, we all look at each other.
“Who ?” I ask.
“Hawu, who else is missing here ?”, where is Ciyela ?
“Ciyela ?", She nods and dances around.
It's amazing how she is happy like this.
“And the screaming ?”, I ask.
“I screamed. He just went on one knee unexpectedly ,creating a
magical moment. They are in Sakhile's room at the moment ", I
guess We are all getting married into this family.
“Let me go and check on Nazo", she says.
________
The celebration turned out wonderful but we had to head back
home after the festivities of today. I turn to look at the back
and he is asleep in his car seat. Water and running around while
falling doesn't do any justice. I feel a hand on my thigh and I
turn back and let out a soft smile. I hold his hand and he kisses
it.
“I feel tired. I don't want to disturb his sleep”
Advertisement
I say
“Atleast you bathed him before we left”, I turn around and look
at him.
“Yeah”,I turn to him
“How about we make another baby when we get home”, I look
at him and he has a smirk
“It will be fun”, I giggle.
“How many more to go ?", I ask
“9 more ”, he says
“Lets get to it then”.
______
Thandiwe 'Nofotho' Makhathini, my sister. The reason why she
is called Nofotho from time to time is because she is a replica of
my paternal grandmother. Exactly like her , I don't know about
the actions. Here I am supporting her through her divorce. I
don't know why their divorce couldn't be settled out of court
but the one thing they are fighting for is the house. I am sitting
here and looking at her and her soon to be ex husband at it.
Divorce is messy if you are in Community of property. This
could've been me and Ntozakhona. They are swearing at each
other and the judge is trying to calm them down. Thandiwe is
told to sit down and she comes to sit down. She is fuming ,
understandable for her I guess. I hold onto my bag and I look at
her.
“Are you ok?”, it's a question I have to ask.
“Yeah”
I keep my silence and listen on what is happening. He doesn't
have a lawyer and so as Thandiwe. This case is taking so long
and no final decision is made. If they don't split it the state will
take the assets.
We are out. She is stressed and now she cries, she falls in my
arms and I rub her back while she is crying. She needs me , the
mean Thandiwe has vanished for a moment as she is in tears.
She is drained and doesn't want anything else. She removes her
self from me and wipes her tears. A smile comes up from her
lips and she brushes her weave backwards. She needs to plait
her hair or let it out or better yet braid it. The weave is not
doing any justice anymore.
“Lets go out. My treat”, i say just to cheer her up.
“Ok", she sniffs. I take her hand and we make our way out of
court.
I rummage through my bag and search for car keys and I locate
them and my phone. A missed call from my husband is
recieved. I will call him just now.
“Ntozakhona is treating you well”, she looks at my car.
“Its big”, she says. I open it.
“Its because we have a child”, I say as we get in.
“I am sorry for telling dad about...", She says
“Its in the past”, but it always haunts me. She is feeling bad I
don't want her feeling worse.
“Where do you want to go ?", I ask
“Anywhere fancy ”, she says.
I buckle up.
“We will go to the mall”, she nods.
I drive off after. We arrive at the mall and she is taking me to
each store she sees. This one thinks I won the lottery. I let her
be and she buys what she likes. When I feel like my feet are
sore I tell her that we should go and find a place to eat. Her
mood is now lighter and she seems more happy and enjoying. I
am glad that she is.
We order and settle , she can't keep her hands from the
plastics. I look at her.
“So you are going back home?", I ask
“No , I will find a room I can rent”, she says
I nod while at that. My phone rings and I forgot to call him back
“Hello”, I say as I answer
“I miss , I thought you said you would stay an hour”, he says
“She needs me , things are very bad”, I say. Our drinks come
and Thandiwe is looking at me.
“Ok, she mustn't come here though", he says
“Haibo Gatsheni. Akuwenziwa njalo( you don't do that)" I say
“I don't like your sister. She is too sinister. Just watch out”, he
says
“Ok , I love you”
“I love to you so very much"
I hang up and place my phone on the table and look at
Thandiwe.
“How is Afika ?”, she asks
“Why do you ask alot about him ?”, I have to ask
“Me ? No I don't ”, I give her a look.
“Ok look, I like him, since we were kids.”
“Oh I see ”,
“Is he married or has a girlfriend?”, she asks.
“He has a teenage son", I lie through teeth
“I don't mind if he doesn't have a girlfriend”, she says.
“Ok, but heal from your divorce”,, I say
“Afika will heal me ”, God so help me
Our food comes and we have a light conversation. The lunch is
much enjoyable.
CHAPTER 28

I feel tired lately ,its the up and down that has got me tired
basically everything that revolves around me. I got inside the
house , After the lunch Thandiwe took me everywhere she
desires. I will never give her a lift shame , I am sorry but I am
not her personal driver. I drag myself inside and I see my 3
favourite boys together watching tv.
“Lange ! I was about to ask someone to fetch you. Are you
sleeping over?”, I ask
“Yes sisi”.
“Good then. I will see you later, I am tired”, I walk up the
stairs.
I throw myself on the bed and I feel good, I don't want to move
from where I am. Is the nanny still around ? Maybe she is in her
cottage. Something heavy is on me and I try to move.
“You are heavy”, I say
“Your sister didn't do anything to you?”, he asks.
“She did , she took me as her bank and personal driver”, I say
“You won't see her again ?”, he asks
“No ”, I say
He kisses my neck.
“I am really tired”, I say
“I know.”
“Let me turn around ”, he gets off and I do. He then gets on
me.
“How is everything ? ” I ask
“Everything is ok”
_______
SLINDOKUHLE

I give her ice cream before she can ask for anything else. There
are now alot of people assisting in the house we had to get 2
nannies, I couldn't handle everything on my own. Nazo is
clueless in that department. All he knows is pumping kids in me
and taking kids who can feed themselves out. That he can do.
The rest he can't.
“Now go to your brothers”, I say
“Mommy ”, I groan and turn to Linathi.
“Yes honey”, she is silent for a moment.
“Are we having a new mommy ?", She asks.
“Have you talked to daddy about that ?”, she shakes her head.
“She is too nice. I don't trust her ”, my God.
I put the ice cream tub away.
“You are grown now Linathi, Daddy has to find someone he
loves as well. It's only fair ”, I say
“Why don't you and daddy get married anymore ?”, where is
she getting this.
“We were married but grew apart. I love Daddy Nazo and he
loves all of us. Don't you love him?”, I ask
“I do , alot ”
“He loves you too, It's ok for daddy to bring in a new mommy
that he loves”,I say
“I wish you were together", she says
“Where did you get this ?”, I ask
“My friends live with both their parents. Why can't we ? ”
“We will never be together but he will always be your father ,
now go and do some homework”, she nods and walks away. I
sigh closing my eyes
I place the ice cream away and I take the baby bottle and place
it in the jug.
“Dont be hard on her ”, I turn around. He walks in and places
his car keys on the counter
“When did you arrive ?”, I ask.
“Before that conversation", I nod. He places his hands in his
pocket.
“How are you feeling today?", He asks.
“Drained. I haven't slept a wink ”, I say.
He opens his arms and I dive right in closing my eyes.
“You will be ok”, he kisses my forehead.
“How was the meeting ?”, I ask
“It was ok, let's take you upstairs and I will give you a body
massage. How about that ?", He asks
“It sounds perfect ", I say
“Good then. Let me take this to the nannies upstairs”, he says
and I nod.
He takes the baby bottles and walks up the stairs. I am happy
where I am and ok. I don't need to go back where I came from.
Linathi is still too young to understand why me and Sakhile are
not together but when she is older she will understand.
__________
CHOLO

I take the plate given by my sister to me , she tells me that I

should enjoy and I sure will since I feel hungry. I am about to
indulge in the food when Ntozakhona makes my plate fall on
purpose. Thandiwe doesn't seem pleased and wants to get me
another plate and I agree. Someone shakes me and I gasp while
waking up. I am sweating a bit and the lights turn on. I sit up
and I rub my eyes roughly before looking at my husband.
“I am going to get you water”, he says.
“No..no I am fine ”,I say
“You were talking ”, he says
I breathe out and run my fingers through my face.
“Th..Thandiwe was giving me food but you stopped me from
eating by spilling the food each time", I say
“This is a sign. Your sister is up to no good and I am sure of it ”,
he says
“I need to pray", he nods.
I get off the bed and I went around and took his hands.
“We are praying together, this is our marriage not mine alone”,
I say
“uhm Oh ok”, seems like he didn't want to do that.
We both went on our knees and I started praying for protection
, guidance and the growth innthis family that no force can
conqures in breaking it. I said Amen and I open my eyes and
look at Ntozakhona. Atleast he obeyed and respected our
praying session.
“Ok , we can sleep again ”, I say
We get in bed and he switches off the lights before he pulls me
to him.
“I have to go and see what your sister is up to. She wants to
destroy us by the look of things”, he says
“She wants Afika ”
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I say
“I know. He wasn't interested back then , even now he is not”,
he says
“You knew she wanted him?", He nods.
“Where have I been living then ?”, he chuckles.
“I need to tell him to do something before your sister puts a
love potion on him”, I would never let that past Thandiwe. She
is capable.
“She is capable ”
“Its good when it comes from your own mouth”, he says and
kisses the side of my forehead.
There is silence between us as we are just in thoughts and
nothing else.
________
We are going out to the beach , it's needed and I am going with
my two boys , that is Lange and Ngcebo. Ntozakhona has some
business to attend but might join us later. We all got fully
loaded and made our way there. I wanted to ask Lange some
questions regarding school since his brothers didn't seem to
put much effort in it. I don't want him to be something he
doesn't want to be so I have to ask.
“Langelihle”, I say
“Sisi", he turns to me.
“Have you thought of what you want to study ?”, I ask.
He is silent for a moment.
“Business management”, he says.
“Why?”, I ask. Can't he say he wants to do engineering or those
big words I don't understand .
I feel like his brothers have an influence here because most of
them did that just to manage the family business and only Nazo
branched into something much different in career.
“Afika said it's good for when I get into the family business”, he
says
“Ok, what do you want to study?”, I have to talk to Afika. This is
unacceptable. I can't have him cornering him to do something
he doesn't like .
“My mother has always wished for me to be a doctor and I fell
in love with the idea. I just don't know what to be between a
General practitioner or be a specialist in Cardiology ”, I take my
time wrapping myself around those words.
“Cardiology?” I ask.
“Cardiologist is the specialist. Heart doctor sisi ”, bingo.
“Oh that's good. Go for what you love ”, I say
“And Bhuti ?”, he says.
“I will handle him. You will study what you want and he won't
stand in your way or mine ”,those taxi freaks won't do that.
“Thank you sisi !” He seems happy and excited.
We get to the beach and I am sitting here with Ngcebo. Lange
takes him for a few minutes and he stands a bit far from the sea
and they just stand there waiting for the water to reach their
feet. Ngcebo giggles and jumps up and down on that moment.
My phone rings and it's Ntozakhona. I answer it.
“Where are you ?”, he asks
“At the beach”, I say.
“Which side ? We are here ”, We ?
I tell him and we hang up. I tell Lange that Ntozakhona is
coming and he nods. I get busy with chips in my mouth and I
feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Sisi ka Lange ”, they say. Ntozakhona settles next to me and
kisses my cheek.
“I have some talking to do with you 3 ”, I say. They are the only
ones here.
“Ok, my temporary girlfriend is coming for dinner at you place ,
be nice ”, Afika says.
“That's not nice”, I say
“She doesn't understand the term no strings attached so she is
temporary", he settles down and takes out a beer from the
cooler box they came with.
“You know this food is for the 3 of us ”, I say to Ntozakhona.
“We are not staying ", Qiniso says.
Yet they are opening beers.
“What did we do ?”, Ntozakhona asks.
“Why did you say the child should study Business management
like you guys did ?”, I say
“So he can soon learn the ropes in the taxi industry ”, Afika
says.
“Well that's not happening. Lange is like my child. He will study
whatever he wants not business management”, I say.
They all look at me and then each other.
“What does he want to study?", They ask. The big words fly off
and I settle for :
“Doctor. He wants to be one and it's close to him, He loves it.
They can be anything without doing business management and
still be taxi owners. I mean you baby are juggling being in the
petrol industry and still the taxi industry. It's part of
transportation in both ways. Soon any of you will want to do
something else as well. Give our kids a chance to dream big but
that doesn't mean the legacy will end. It will still be carried on.
”, I wanted to bring Sizwe up but I thought that would be too
sensitive.
“You think so Mama ? ”, Qiniso says.
“I know. I promise you. Just give him a chance to choose his
own path , he is 20 years. ”, I say
“Ok, he will study what he wants ”, Ntozakhona says.
“Thank you”, I perk his lips.
“I heard your sister wants me. Tell her I don't want her ”, Afika
says.
“That's a bit..." He raises his hands.
“She will bring a snake and say it's a pet. Your sister is too
sinister. I saw her in my 8 year old eyes. You remember how we
... Your sister did shit back then ", he chuckled and they laughed
together. I was confused.
“What did she do ? ”, I ask.
“She would chase Afika and tell him everyday that she is
keeping herself for him and he will marry her ”, Ntozakhona
says
“Everyday. This one time I think she wanted to take advantage
of me, watch that one . You are too soft and nice Cholo”,Afika
says.
“She said you will heal her when I told her to heal from the
divorce”, I say
“She is obsessed”, no doubt about that.
“Please get us more food”, I look at Ntozakhona.
“Are we expecting mama ?”, Afika places his hand on my
stomach.
“Not yet ”, I say
“You just don't know ”, Ntozakhona.
No we are not expecting anything as yet. They went off to get
some food for us and then later left. We had some fun at the
beach just the three of us and I told Lange about the good
news. So now we have to apply for him and I will ask Sane or
Slindo a step to step guide on that. Gosh I feel outdated when I
am in the city.
CHAPTER 29

Nothing is annoying than being woken up from a good sleep

that you are surely enjoying and don't want to be disturbed
from. That's what my husband did and we are not talking to
each other right now. I am not talking to if I should correct that.
He is talking like his life depends on it and I am not listening to
any single word he is saying the fact that we left Lange and
Ngcebo with the nanny annoys me more.
“Where are we going ?”, I ask.
“Somewhere”, he looks at me.
“You look annoyed”, he says
I fold my arms across my chest.
“I am , you woke me up for the unknown”, I say
“Its a surprise”, he says.
“I hate surprises ”, I say
He looks at me
“Since when ?”, I look out of the window
“You can rest, I will wake you up when we arrive”, he says
I lay the seat down and I close my eyes.
______
I am shaken out of my sleep once again. The sun has risen and I
look around. I sit up and he is by my side looking at me. I take
off the seat belt and he pulls me out then closes the door. I
think we are stranded somewhere.
“Are we stranded ?”, I look at this place.
“No , we are at the right place”, he says.
He holds my waist and pulls me closer to him, I am still in some
sleep and I still think we are stranded because I don't see any
houses expect the one ahead of us.
“Are we going to someone's house ?”, I ask
“Just trust me ”,he says.
I nod and we reach the place. We meet a nice looking white
lady with a big smile.
“Hi, I am glad you made it", they shake hands with
Ntozakhona.
“This is my wife", Ntozakhona says.
“Nice to meet you Mrs Ndlovu. I have been eager to meet you
", she says
“Nice to meet you as well”, I am confused.
“I will give you a tour around the place”, she says and we follow
after her.
We got on a golf cart and she was taking us around this big
field. She showed us the stable where horses are kept. This
place looks amazing and very silent. Refreshing as well. We
reach a grape field and she gives us little baskets and said we
can pick up some grapes. They look juicy as well. I pick up some
.
“Taste this”, Ntozakhona sneaks up from behind me.
“You scared me ”, he stuff the grape in my mouth and perks my
lips.
“It tastes nice and sweet”, I say
“Are we supposed to eat them ?”, he shrugs. I shake my head.
“You are naughty", I whisper. He picks some up.
“They taste great ”,he pops some in mouth.
We get done and we leave , we are taken through how wine is
made and this is an interesting experience , I was now actually
awake and eager to know anything at this point. This is a nice
surprise actually. We got to get our hands on at that moment
and met some people who work here as well. They are a nice
group of people. After that experience we were told to take
break , we will be called for breakfast.
“This was a lovely surprise ”, I say
“You enjoyed it ? ”, I nod.
“I enjoyed it very much thank you ”, I say.
He takes the wine and glasses and he pours some for the both
of us. He gives me a glass and he raises his.
“To more years of love”, he says.
“To more years”, we share a kiss before we take a sip off our
drinks.
“This is sweet for me ”,he puts the wine glass down.
“Breakfast is ready”, we placed the glasses down and made our
way inside the house.
We were settled down after dishing up some breakfast. We
said grace while if something foreign to the man next to me and
we indulge in the food.
“Thank you for taking your time so early in the morning and
touring us around. This place is amazing”, I say
“Its ok, you will meet the rest of my family one day”, she says.
I smile and nod
“My name is Janet Bedman” she says
“Cholo Ndlovu ”, I say.
She smiles and nod. A conversation flows through the table till
we are done and a helper came to take the dishes away.
“We can go to the lounge", Janet says.
We follow after her and settle on the couches. She does as well,
she takes out a file and places papers and a pen Infront of me
and I look at Ntozakhona.
“You can read through the contract for validation and any
questions you have I can answer. I will give you a copy for your
lawyer to check through it as well”, Janet says.
“I should read ? Why ? ”, I am confused.
“For 25% ownership of the Bedman winery ”
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Janet says.
“Ownersh...”, Ntozakhona takes the papers.
He scans through them and he gets done. He gives them to
me.
“Eveeything seems to be in order ”, Ntozakhona says
“What is ...”,
“Your husband stood up to the offer of me seeking 25% of my
winery to you", I look at Ntozakhona.
“Sign ", I take the Pen and I am told where to sign. Janet gives
me a fruit basket with 2 bottles of wine and a white towel
written Bedman winery.
She said it's a gift for me. I am still trying to wrap my thoughts
around what I just did , so I have shares in a winery or what ?
What is going on ? We get to the car and I stand there and turn
to Ntozakhona.
“What is going on ?”, I ask
“That was your surprise”, he says
“Do I have to move here ?”, I ask
“No ,you can't leave me. Let's get you home Mrs boss ”, he says
and I get inside the car.
________
CIYELA

I look at him as he is asleep. He is serious. He really wants us to

get married but I am scared. What if he goes back to the old
him before me , I have never been scared like this regarding his
actions because he has been straight forward with what he
wants in our relationship and what he is here for but then there
is Cholo and Ntozakhona. What happened between them
scared me, I would do the same as Cholo but I wouldn't survive.
I would end up commiting suicide in the end. I am not as strong
as Cholo.
He opens his eyes and he looks at me , his arm pulls me closer
to him. I love that he has respected my wish of sex after
marriage and here he is , he proposed a few days ago and I
don't know what to do now. How I should be feeling, I haven't
reached a decision if we should do this or wait a bit. Is waiting
worth it ? He does pay for my fees , he wants to see me thrive.
Am I bad right now ?
“Good morning”, he says.
“Good morning”, he frowns.
“Something wrong ? ", He asks.
“No, well...” I sit up and he does the same.
“Marriage ", I say
“You feel like I am pressuring you ? It's ok I can wait. Whenever
you are ready", he says.
“No,you are not pressuring me. I just want to know what do we
expect from it ?", I say
“As much as we would like to know but we can't calculate our
marriage. We can't calculate how we are going to act or do as
much but we can have marriage goals for us. , A new house
,savings , kids , all of that we can garentee knowing.”, he says
“Ok , I see ”, I say
“I love you Cici. I am not marrying you because most of my
cousins are married but because I am ready mentally to be with
someone and settle down. Have a family as well, I am grown to
be in a stage where I want a wife ”, he says.
I perk his lips.
“I am ready too”
“We are in this together ", he says.
I wonder how my mother will feel. We are all leaving her now.

CHOLO

Ngcebo keeps me on my feet, we had to baby proof the house

because of his naught ways. Look now and I can see that
Ntozakhona and my love has come so very far at the moment.
It's not tradable. It can't be traded but can only grow. I hope we
learnt from our past mistakes and be able to be good parents
and also partners to each other.
“Sisi you called me ”, Lange says
“Yes , I talked to your brothers and you are going to study what
you want ", I say
He attacks me with a hug
“Thank you so much sisi ”, he says.
“You are welcome”, we hear a breaking sound.
“Oh my God Ngcebo ",
We leave the kitchen and he is sitting next to the broken vase.
Ntozakhona is looking at him.
“Mama ”, he says.
“Why did you break the vase ?”, I ask.
He looks at me and sucks on his fingers.
“Dont do that Ngcebo", his father says and picks him up.
Lange comes and sweeps the broken pieces away and I go to
check if Ngcebo is not hurt.
“You are very naughty", Ntozakhona says
“This is the 5th time ”, I sigh.
This child is going to break my whole house.
CHAPTER 30

“One, two three !! Oouuuhh!! ”,The pop sound makes the least
noise not covering ours.
“I have tasted this white wine and I love how it really tastes”,
Slindo says
“And Mrs winery here will give it to us on discount”,Sane pours
the wine in my wine glass , Chiliza declines it.
“No, your husband's have money to buy it on full price”, I sip on
my drink.
“You bore”,Chiliza says.
“Guys you should be getting dressed we will be late ",Ciyela
says
“Lets make him wait. If he loves you he can”, Sane says.
Ciyela throws her hands in the air.
“I am serious why didn't I choose other people to be ...let me
go out there alone”, she grabs her dress and we laugh. I put the
wine glass down
“Come let me help you get dressed”, I say
“Thank you",
“I still say we should arrive a bit late”,Sane says
“Or like this ”, Slindo says running her fingers on her white
lingerie.
“Dont even Mama ”, Ciyela says. We laugh
“Can't take a joke ”
“She is stressed”, I say
“Finally Sakhile is going to get some! . Poor guy”, sane says
“He had to work for it ”, Slindo says
“And I am glad he proved to be worthy ”, I pull the dress up and
then tie it , Sane comes and helps. We get done.
“Guys please get dressed.The ceremony is starting in 20
minutes”, she says
“Ok, we are sorry Mam”, Sane says and we grab our dresses
and get dressed
Someone knocks on the door and I go and open ,it's
MaNdawonde.
“The kids are already ready”, she says
“We were still praying !”,Sane shouts. These woman have never
prayed In my understanding.
She walks in and looks at Ciyela. She smiles so sharply and holds
my hand
“I am happy you girls make me happy ”, she says
“P!ease don't cry because I will cry”, Ciyela says and mah
chuckles.
“Let me leave you then ”, She hugs us all and gives us kisses.
We get dressed and we are done. My phone rings and they all
look at me.
“I will turn it off”, I say.
They carry on with what they are doing and i answer the call.
“Good morning ”, I say
“I miss you”, I chuckle.
“I will see you in the next 20 minutes”, I say
“I love you ”, he says
“I love you too”
I hang up and switch my phone off.
“Are we ready ? ”, Ciyela nods slowly and breathed out.
“Dont be too nervous”, I say
“What If he changes his mind ?”, she asks
“Somlanda. Ngeke amoshe iskhathi sethu( we will fetch him. He
won't waste our time)” ,Sane says
“Can we move?", Chiliza says.
We first pray together then we walk Ciyela out. She looks
wonderful. I can see she is shaking but she will be very fine.
All eyes are on her , no one is moving. I move my eyes to the
opposite side and he looks agitated and nervous as well. They
reach each other and the ceremony starts
“Dearly beloved , we are gathered here ....”, the pastor
continues.
It has has been quiet a challenging and blissfully two years.
Ciyela has graduated and now she is getting married Sakhile
was really patient with her. I have been patient in my marriage
and I am happy where we are. Ngcebo is growing so
wonderfully as well. Thandiwe moved back home after her
failed marriage. She was first after Afika but Afika packed her
up and shoved her back home with no return. Lange has started
studying and doing quiet wonderfully as well. I am proud of
him.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your
bride ”, oh I missed the who!e ceremony.
Sakhile wipes his eyes as licks his lips. Oh he is going to do her
dirty Infront of us. He pulls her close to him and they share an
intense kiss and people Ululate. They break it.
We are moving to take pictures. Finally I can be in my
husband's arms. It's been a day without seeing him. The
bachelorette party and all.
“Youlokk beautiful”,he says and I smile
“You look handsome as well. Too handsome ”i say
“Andonky for you”, he says and kisses my neck.
“Ouuhh I can feel the love from everyone.”, the cameraman
says and welaugh.
We take a few snaps and move to the reception. All I want is
good at the moment,I am hungry And I am sure Ngcebo is
troubling Nanny back home.
Speeches are done and we get to eat, finally !
“Next year we are renewing our vows”, Nazo says to Slindo
“Really ? ”, Slindo asks stuffing her face.
“Yes ",it clicks to her I think.
“Oh my God ", she kisses Nazo and he chuckles.
“Some of us are not married and are eating”, Afika says.
“We would offically be married for 10 years”, Slindo says
Wow !
“You are keeping it strong ”, Chiliza.
Single ladies are called up to come and catch the bouquet.
“You should go”, Qiniso says to Chiliza
“I don't want to ”,she says.
“Its harmless fun. I would go with you but ...”, I say pointing at
my ring.
She huffs and throws the napkin on the table and walks there.
“Whats her problem ?", Afika asks.
“She is pregnant” I choked on my food.
“Here is some water sisi”, Lange hands it over to me.
“Thank you ”, I say
“How do you know ?”, Sikelela asks
“Let me say a farmer knows the seed he planted”, what?
“Isn't she lesbian?”, Afika asks. I thought she loves girls. She has
been dating . “She is ”, Qiniso says
“I am confused and shocked ”, Slindo says. I feel the same way.
“It was just one night and that happened. ”, he says
“Do you like her ?”, I ask
“No , I like her character and the fact that she is a good mom. I
am getting old knees a child atleast ”, he says
“And she agreed?”, what is going on?
“She can't terminate it now ” “She knows ?”, I ask
“Yes , that's why she is like this ” Let me eat my food.
“I think I need to imoregnat someone again”,Ntozakhona says.
“Lange is my son right boh ?", Afika says patting his head.
“You wish Bhuti ”, we laugh. “Oh but you like being mommied
by Chol”, he says “Don't attack him please ”i say.
We carry on eating and watch the newly wedded couple. Chiliza
throws the bouquet on Qiniso's lap and takes his food. We just
watch a movie, she eats with no care. Do they like each other.
“Someone is next” Slindo says.
Chiliza looks at her and we all look away from her death stare.
“I need the bathroom”, she stands up and stomps her way
away.
CHILIZA
I sat on the toilet as soon as I got in the bathroom and I bursted
into tears. I feel like my cheats is closing in on me. My phone
rings and it's my girlfriend Amy, we have been dating for a
couple of months. It's almost a year and I really like her. We
have never labeled that we are in a serious relationship bit have
been going on for the time being. “Amy ", I say
“Hey, are you around ? ”, she asks. “No, I am at my sister's
wedding ”
“We will talk when you are back. I love you ”, it's the first time
hearing that guilt consumes me much more.
“I love you too", she hangs up.
I hold onto my stomach and I keep on crying. I messed up really
bad.

………………………………………The End……………………………………

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