100% found this document useful (2 votes)

2K views146 pages

EAS Writing Workbook Year 5

The document is an advanced writing workbook for Year 5 students (ages 10-11) designed to enhance their writing skills in accordance with the Australian Curriculum. It includes ten self-contained units focusing on different text types, along with exercises, writing tasks, and checklists to guide students in improving their writing. The workbook aims to engage students in writing and provide them with meaningful practice to develop their skills.

Uploaded by

Cindy Shen

We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.

Available Formats

Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

100% found this document useful (2 votes)

2K views146 pages

EAS Writing Workbook Year 5

Uploaded by

Cindy Shen

We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.

Available Formats

Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

You are on page 1/ 146

DiZign Pty Ltd Trimmed size 201 mm x 275 mm

Advanced Skills WRITING

ADVANCED SKILLS

ENGLISH
ADVANCED SKILLS W RI T I NG W ORKBOOK
Get the Results You Want! YEAR

This book is part of the Excel Advanced Skills

WRITING WORKBOOK
Year 5 Ages 10–11 years old 5 WORKBOOK
AGES
series, which provides students with more
challenging extension work in writing. 10–11
The Excel Advanced Skills series of Writing
Workbooks for Years 1–6 will help primary school
students improve their writing in English and other
subjects. Each unit focuses on a different type of text
by looking at its particular features and how to apply
them. All activities are designed to encourage ot
he
dd
students to think about and enjoy writing, and to give lleefftt
,, an
nn tthhee
them meaningful practice in improving their own writing. ee oo
uurr
eedd
p rroocc s
he r sk
ou
t Ta
T
This book has been specifically written for the YEAR 5 AUSTRALIAN CURRICULUM ENGLISH COURSE. ft nts
ab
me
dra c o m
al Read the ne
rli nce
In this book you will find: ✓ A final draft that models the text and requires fin
he al draft
. ow 1.
de
Un sente st
had
o
t the is m
ng ia’s ﬁn t. as e
t a
✓ Ten self-contained units of work, each students to identify features relevant to the it i k e t r aaddoo
ww tha y to c
l
like viewe
Wr his is Lin the rig a
hea a shh aatt
v h
om ng the ntio
focusing on a different text type type of text T
ks
o
o w t ppet t ovel usi is a gree aakkiinngg att
e
tas H pu n pet
s M
M lllooww
✓ Introductory exercises that help students to ✓ Writing tasks that require students to apply en
ts
the m fe. up
fro dow p me to y. Just
li ffoo
nes a co s
mm sce and sh cters ally ea m),
recognise the different types of texts their acquired knowledge in joint and Co
ing
o u t
atre har
a
is r
e
× 33 mp,
00 c
Act et the e the c heatre ( 5 0× a
✓ Pre-writing activities to help students focus on independent construction of texts ll
p k
pup to ma uppet .
t box ppee,, en
ard ing t a rr,, wwood
way adow p e step
s dbo
✓
h k
Useful lists of more challenging and interesting wit
ing sting car r, mas t papee
and practise the writing features of each type r t
Sta tere h
a s e sim p l : 1
ded pap
e
cra
f
t nee tissue , black
in

draf
an n i ng t s
vocabulary that students can use to improve the ials
of text e n

Livia’s
op eme wer’s s
ter , white racter tone.
to
pheerrr’’s S
t ie ts
sta the v nd le a
A: M ors ha Philosoback p the novel in

Year 5 Ages 10–11

✓ A sample of student writing at the first the quality of their writing nt s
get ntion
a ctly
iss s of c
Stude
exa ing
s c n d th e
t te o w o re gelurea d es cto ttoo
s anlate
g
rctyu Perostt
a n
mk a re s.
atpre ou terward
✓ g Hapirr
the t you ,
draft stage Comprehensive checklists to guide students in a
wh ore readin w hing th ﬂa boex.cYla
skkee someth he top wardth lass sss ss afftte
c la ss da.
m a : t o o k lik e th
r5 to
to s sh
oveto ardb oo
a’s Yea ss has tep ure thaat lo
✓ Step-by-step strategies and exercises for their writing Livia
roup in
the cla of the First , ush
th
pSrocedrem sizedocw puppetsnd pull cttiions on h
Each g a video hdi m ad r as in yu
sestlttr
st
improving a first draft ✓ Answers to all questions ingto m a k e
ppet theatr m
edur
e w ite
e that x
go v
ivee in
c u r
som
aree go dow pu e proc rawing
yy dra
e a sha write th ation bb
Uni to m a
novel.
k
Liviaa is go
in g to
organis
es he r in fo rm

About the author t 6 Before

she g e
notes.
ts started
, Livia
trim
tiss
Laura Anderson, BA (Hons) English Language and Literature, Dip. Ed., is an experienced teacher who
Pro ma k in g op en flaps 50

pre cedu
has taught in primary and high schools both nationally and internationally. She currently works as an
English consultant for an educational publisher. Laura is also author of the successful Excel Advanced medium
-

Skills Grammar and Punctuation Workbooks for Years 3, 4 , 5 and 6. sen r e s sized boo
xx

tat —v
wo
Loo sk
kin
ga ion ide b ck pan
el

tp s o

k
Ap
Laura Anderson roc roc
edu e dur

o
Tex re
ts s
am
ode
uch
as
is a
fac es
l r e tua
The are cip l te
exa es, xt.
tha main mp scien
l c
It g
ive
t pe pu e s of ee s in
opl r p o p x p e stru
Ap e ca se roc rim ctio
ro c n of e du r en t
edu pro es. sa ns
rfo c nd on
r es r ma e d ma how
✹ u

G e t t he an hou t a re i nua to m
o l d sk s s to l
✹ pen hav afe pro s on ak
eo
a li i n e : l y v i h o rd
✹ st o gs and de wt

Re
ISBN 978-1-74125-405-1 os
as f th tat e f seq op om
eri e in em ﬁci u lay
✹ es e ent e nc a eth
Excel Test Zone ac g n e g ing

su
Get the Results You Want! on of red t t ly. d a m .
Pascal Press c ste ien hat inf e o
(Th lud ps ts, tell orm rp
H
Help your child prepare with our is i i n o r m a s a ut t

lt s
PO Box 250 sn gs ins t w tio oge
ot a ta tru erials hat no the
NAPLAN*-style and Australian Curriculum Tests.
FREE N lwa tem ctio or e the a rd r

Laura Anderson
Glebe NSW 2037 ys n en ns, q im ire
u cti
ece t or c ipm

You
www.exceltestzone.com.au giv or p
(02) 8585 4044 ssa om en
in e n u rpo
on
s
ry.) me t th se o so
www.pascalpress.com.au nt t the co at
*This isi nott an offi
*Thi fficially
i ll endorsed
d publication of the NAPLAN program and is produced by Pascal Press independently of Australian governments.
9 781741 254051

Want ! ow
rap
up
rrec will b
t or
the er.
d
pro
ced
en
f th
eed
e
ed.
p roc
edu
re i
s.
u

9781741254051 EAS_Writing Wkbk Y5_CVR_2014_PRESS-OPT.indd All Pages 26/08/14 3:55 PM

ADVANCED SKILLS
ENGLISH
YEAR
WRITING
5 WORKBOOK
AGES
10–11

he
ot
dd
,, an
lleefftt
nn tthhee
ee oo
uurr
eedd
proc s
he r sk
ou
t Ta
T
ab
ft nts
me
l dra the
c om
ne
ina d rli nce
de
f Rea Un sente st
ft. ow
the
1.
had
o e
ra the is m ptur
ld
g as e
t a
a tha oc
itin
n ww ly t
’s ﬁ t. e
ak eatr ado like viewe
r’s
Wr ivia a sh at
h
s L he rig
om e n .
is i h ng th ntio
Th s on t
k o w t ppet t ovel usi is a gre akinngg att
e
tas H pu en ets .M ooww
mt
h upp life foll
en
ts fro dow p me to y. Just
nes a co s
mm t sce and sh cters ally ea cm
),
Co o u a e 30
ing atre har is r
Act et the e the c heatre ( 5 0 × l mp,
p k t ox ape, den
pup to ma uppet . db t
s oar sking er, w o
ith way adow p step rdb a p
gw g
rtin restin s h p le d : 1 ca er, m aft pa
Sta a i m e a p r
inte se s eed ep ck c
draft
a n n i ng t
e n the ls n e tissu rs, bla
ria
ivia’s
op eme wer’s
t ie ts ate s, whit aracte er Stto tonee.
t A: L sta the v nd le y
s a tl M
so r
fc h pher
Philosoback p he novel in
som
Studen
get ntion xac g
we in scis res o ereand the to
to
atte kno re go
m
the t you
a
H a
p irr u
cty Pros, g tt lu
th a t
a p
n d te
s ala You
re e s c
rw a rd
r s. Livia
g e i g top ﬂ box.cllla te
wh .
a
readin kew meth hin d e ass s e cha
ss daore aske so the obw oarth like th
r 5 cla to as to m Stece ps:dumre oveto csh all ook
a’s Yea
Livia th e class h p ro , re e d ard
u p p e ts ththp u s o n h ow t
p in of th e t iz p d on
h grou a video Firs hiush m sadow r asnin
ee in sely ctti
st
Each k e e w it d g o v
iv u r i
a some d
e t
ingto m ppet theatr m
r e tha x c
aree go dow pu ocedu awing
ra
e a sha the pr n by
to write rmatio
Uni to mak
novel.
Liviaa is g o in g
ivia org
anises
h e r in fo

t 6 Before
sh e gets sta
tes.
rted, L trim 1 sh
tissue pa
⫻ 30
e

Pro makin
g n o open fl ap s 50

pre cedu medium

sen r e s sized bo
x

tat —v
wo
Loo sk
kin
ga ion ide back pa
nel

Ap
roc
tp
edu
roc
e
s o
Tex
ts s re dur
am
ode
uch
as
is a
fac es
l ar r e tua
The e e cipes, l te
xt.
x
tha main am
p l
scie
n c
It g
ive
t pe p u e s of ee s in
opl rp p x p stru

G e t t he Ap e ca o se r oce e r ime
ro c np o f du r n ctio
edu erfo pro es. t sa ns
ced n dm on
r rm how

Re ✹
✹
an
op
en
e s h oul
dh
ave
a tas
k sa
u r e is
fely
to p
a n u a ls o
nh
to m
ak

su a li ro eo
✹ st o ing s : and vide ow
to p
rd
os
as f th tat e fﬁc s e qu om
e e e l a

lt s ✹ rie i n m e ien e n y a eth

ac so g re nt tly. c ed gam ing
on f ste d ien t hat inf e .
clu or p
din ps or ts, ma tell orm

You s w a ut t
gs ins teri h a tio o g
tat tru als t no eth
em ctio or e the a rd er

Want ! en
to
ns,
mm
en
q
r co given ipmen or pu
u
in t
he
cor
im
t th
rec
rp
at w ose o
ill b
en
f th
e pro
ire
c tio
ns
so

Laura Anderson

9781741254051 EAS_Writing Wkbk Y5_TitlePage.indd i 8/08/14 3:43 PM

ISBN 978 1 74125 405 1

Pascal Press
PO Box 250
Glebe NSW 2037
(02) 8585 4044
www.pascalpress.com.au

Publisher: Vivienne Joannou

Project editors: Mark Dixon and Leanne Poll
Edited by Leanne Howard
Series developer: Laura Anderson
Series consultant: Kristine Brown
Reviewed and answers checked by Glenda Walsh
Cover and page design by DiZign Pty Ltd
Typeset by Kim Webber
Printed by Green Giant Press

Reproduction and communication for educational purposes

The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or
10% of the pages of this work, whichever is the greater, to be reproduced and/or
communicated by any educational institution for its educational purposes
provided that the educational institution (or the body that administers it) has given
a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

For details of the CAL licence for educational institutions contact:

Copyright Agency Limited

Level 15, 233 Castlereagh Street
Sydney NSW 2000
Telephone: (02) 9394 7600
Facsimile: (02) 9394 7601
Email: enquiry@copyright.com.au

Reproduction and communication for other purposes

Except as permitted under the Act (for example, a fair dealing for the purposes of
study, research, criticism or review) no part of this book may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, communicated or transmitted in any form or by any
means without prior written permission. All inquiries should be made to the
publisher at the address above.

All efforts to contact individuals regarding copyright have been made and
permission acknowledged where applicable. In the event of any oversight, please
contact the publisher so correction can be made in subsequent editions.

WritingWB_Yr5_Prelims.indd 2 11/08/14 2:03 PM

Contents

To the student�� v Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 28

Writing the final draft�� 30
About this book�� vi
Student B: Stuart’s draft� �� 31
UNIT 1 Imaginative recounts— Writing the first draft�� 32
diary entries � ��1 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 33
Looking at recounts�� 1 Writing the final draft�� 35
Student A: Omar’s draft�� 2 Your turn�� 36
Writing the first draft�� 3
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 4 UNIT 4 Expositions—speeches �� 37
Writing the final draft�� 6 Looking at expositions�� 37

Student B: Emily’s draft�� 7 Student A: Angelo’s draft�� 38

Writing the first draft�� 8 Writing the first draft�� 39

Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 9 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 39

Writing the final draft�� 11 Writing the final draft�� 42

Your turn�� 12 Student B: Lien’s draft� �� 43

Writing the first draft�� 44
UNIT 2 Descriptions—places � �� 13 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 45
Looking at descriptions�� 13 Writing the final draft�� 47
Student A: Hannah’s draft�� 14 Your turn�� 48
Writing the first draft�� 15
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 16 UNIT 5 Information reports � �� 49
Writing the final draft�� 18 Looking at information reports�� 49

Student B: Jose’s draft�� 19 Student A: Arnon’s draft�� 50

Writing the first draft�� 20 Writing the first draft�� 51

Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 21 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 51

Writing the final draft�� 23 Writing the final draft�� 54

Your turn�� 24 Student B: Sabita’s draft� �� 55

Writing the first draft�� 56
UNIT 3 Narratives � �� 25 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 57
Looking at narratives�� 25 Writing the final draft�� 59
Student A: Sarah’s draft� �� 26 Your turn�� 60
Writing the first draft�� 27

To the student
Contents iii

WritingWB_Yr5_Prelims.indd 3 11/08/14 2:03 PM

UNIT 6 Procedures—video Writing the first draft�� 92
presentations �� 61 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 92
Looking at procedures�� 61 Writing the final draft�� 95
Student A: Livia’s draft� �� 62 Your turn�� 96
Writing the first draft�� 63
UNIT 9 Explanations �� 97
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 63
Looking at explanations�� 97
Writing the final draft�� 66
Student A: Matthew’s draft�� 98
Student B: Lucas’s draft�� 67
Writing the first draft�� 99
Writing the first draft�� 68
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 100
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 69
Writing the final draft�� 102
Writing the final draft�� 71
Student B: Frieda’s draft� �� 103
Your turn�� 72
Writing the first draft�� 104
UNIT 7 Poetry—ballads � �� 73 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 105
Looking at ballads� �� 73 Writing the final draft�� 107
Student A: Marco’s draft�� 74 Your turn�� 108
Writing the first draft�� 75
UNIT 10 Book reviews� �� 109
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 75
Looking at reviews� �� 109
Writing the final draft�� 78
Student A: Sasha’s draft�� 110
Student B: Bianca’s draft�� 79
Writing the first draft�� 111
Writing the first draft�� 80
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 112
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 81
Writing the final draft�� 114
Writing the final draft�� 83
Student B: Niran’s draft�� 115
Your turn�� 84
Writing the first draft�� 116
UNIT 8 Discussions �� 85 Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 117
Looking at discussions�� 85 Writing the final draft�� 119
Student A: Ashley’s draft�� 86 Your turn�� 120
Writing the first draft�� 87
Answers� �� 121
Step-by-step improvement plan� �� 87
Writing the final draft�� 90 Word bank� �� 134
Student B: Ravi’s draft�� 91

iv Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_Prelims.indd 4 11/08/14 2:03 PM

To the student

This book will help you with your writing tasks, in English and in other subjects.
There are ten units altogether, each focusing on a different type of text. Some texts
are imaginative, such as narratives and poems. Others are factual, such as reports
and explanations.
Each unit contains an introduction that explains the purpose of the text and its
special features. There are also examples of students’ first drafts. These are followed
by practice exercises that aim to improve the draft. Some of the exercises focus on the
structure of the text while others focus on its language features. There is one example
of a student’s final draft. Make sure you read it carefully and answer the questions
beside each paragraph.
At the end of the unit is a text that is missing some of its paragraphs. You should try
to fill in the missing sections, using the step-by-step improvement exercises to help
you. In the final activity, you are given a list of topics and you have to choose one to
write about.
Most of the activities can be written in this book, but you will have to use your own
paper for the final writing activity. I suggest you buy a notebook or folder for this. If
you are not sure how to write something, use the sample texts and the checklists to
help you.
It is best to work through the book from Unit 1 to the end. This will help you build on
skills you have already learnt. However, if you are learning about a particular type
of text in school, you could do that unit in the book. For example, if you are learning
about information reports, you could do Unit 5.
It is important that you have a dictionary and thesaurus handy as you work through
the book, and that you ask for help if you need it. There is also a word bank of useful
vocabulary at the end of the book to help you with your writing.
I hope you enjoy reading the texts and doing the activities.
Good luck!

Laura Anderson

To the student v

WritingWB_Yr5_Prelims.indd 5 11/08/14 2:03 PM

About this book

This book consists of ten units, each covering a different type of text. Each unit
contains two samples of students’ first drafts, followed by exercises designed to help
the students improve their drafts. There is one example of a final draft, which models
the text for students. Students are then asked to complete a partially constructed final
draft, and finally to construct a text independently. These last two activities allow
students to put the knowledge they have acquired into practice.
The units are organised as follows:

An introduction to the text type

This page looks at the features of the text. There are also short exercises to help
students identify the type of text or its features.

Student A: Writing the first draft

These two pages focus on the planning and writing of the first draft. Included is a
comprehensive checklist that enables students to identify the features that have or
have not been included in the draft, as well as other short exercises.

A step-by-step improvement plan

This section contains four steps designed to help students improve the draft. Some
of the steps focus on the structure of the text, while others focus on the language
features.

Writing the final draft

The final draft is an example of a more advanced student’s writing. It is accompanied
by comments that point out the features of the text, as well as questions that ask
students to identify some of the features.

Student B: Writing the first draft

The second half of the unit looks at another first draft, followed by a step-by-step
improvement plan. Students are then asked to complete a partially constructed final
draft.

Your turn
The final page of the unit contains a list of topics, from which students choose one to
write about. Included is a checklist to guide students in their writing.

Word bank
At the end of the book is a word bank where students will find useful lists of words
and phrases to help them complete their independent writing tasks.

vi Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_Prelims.indd 6 11/08/14 2:03 PM

Unit 1 Imaginative recounts—
diary entries

Looking at recounts
A recount is generally an informative text. It tells about something that has already
happened, in the order in which the events took place. Sometimes a recount might be about
imaginary events based on things that really happened.
Examples of recounts include diary and journal entries, historical reports, letters, emails and
postcards, newspaper reports and biographies or autobiographies.
The main purpose of a recount is to inform and to evaluate the importance of the events in
some way. Recounts can also be entertaining.
A recount should have

✹ an orientation, or introduction, that sets the scene. It tells the reader who was
involved, what happened and where, when and sometimes why the events took place.
✹ a sequence of events, telling what happened in chronological order.
✹ a conclusion, which contains a reorientation to round off the sequence of events. It
can also contain a personal comment about the events.

1 Which two texts below are LEAST likely to be the opening sentence of a recount?
Tick (3) the correct answers.
a We are having a wonderful time in Beijing!
b Choosy customers choose our shoes!
c A gas tank exploded in a factory in Ipswich early this morning.
d Across the stony ridges,
Across the rolling plain,
Young Harry Dale, the drover,
Comes riding home again.
e The most terrible thing happened to me this morning!
f Sir Edmund Barton, Australia’s first prime minister, was born on
January 18, 1849 in Glebe, Sydney.
2 Which of the texts below is a recount? Tick (3) the correct answer.
a b
Aboriginal people were the first Bennelong, an Indigenous
human inhabitants of Australia. Australian, was captured in
Before the arrival of the white 1789. Three years later, he
settlers, there were about sailed with Governor Phillip
300 000 Indigenous Australians to England, where he
scattered across the country. met King George III.

Unit 1 I maginative recounts— diar y entries 1

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 1 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Student A: Omar’s draft
Omar’s Year 5 class have been asked to imagine they are children
living on the goldfields in the 1850s and to write diary entries recounting their time there.
Omar is using the information on this poster to help him.

Life on h
Food: Not muc
the Goldfields fresh food;
ate mutton,
dampers and
s: canvas
Dwelling drank tea
made
tents, huts
, wattle
from bark Schoolin
huts g: Someti
and daub taught by mes child
ren
educated
tents or u people, in
nder tree
s

Daily activ
ities: A hard
life—children
had to help
carry water fr
om creeks,
gather firewoo
d, wash
clothes, cook
and tend the
horses. They
also helped d
and look for ig
gold.
Diggers using
a cradle

Licence fees: Many diggers

could not afford to pay the
heavy licence fees

Collecting licence fees

Answer these questions using full sentences.

1 What type of homes did the diggers live in? ____________________________________________

2 What type of food did the diggers eat? __________________________________________________

3 What type of schooling did children on the goldfields receive? __________________________

2 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 2 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Omar’s first draft. Read what he wrote and then answer the questions.

Victoria Goldfields, 16 July, 1853

This morning I woke up early. It was still dark outside.
First I had to bring in the firewood. Mother cooked breakfast. Then I went to the
creek to get fresh water.
After breakfast I helped Pa at the diggings. I used the puddling pan. I didn’t find
any gold.
At ten o’clock I went to my lessons. Mr Murphy teaches some of the children to
read, write and count. We meet in his tent for two hours every morning.
After that I went home for lunch. I collected firewood on the way.
I went back to the diggings with Pa. The men were complaining about
the licence fees they had to pay to dig for gold. Then it got dark.
We went home.
We had boiled mutton, damper and tea for dinner. Then I went to bed.

1 A good recount should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones that Omar
has used.

a an orientation that tells who, what, when, and where

b events told in the order in which they happened

c a conclusion containing a personal comment to round off the recount

d time connectives to link the events (e.g. first, then or after that)

e conjunctions to help the writing flow and add detail to sentences

(e.g. and, but or because)

f adjectives that express feelings and opinions (e.g. boring, exciting

or exhausted)

g interesting information and detail about the events

h sentences with correct punctuation and spelling

2 One thing that Omar has done well in his draft is to link events with time
connectives.
a Underline all the time connectives in Omar’s draft.

b Find the following sentence in the draft and suggest a time connective that Omar
could use to link it to the previous paragraph.

________________ I went back to the diggings with Pa.

Unit 1 I maginative recounts— diar y entries 3

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 3 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Omar’s recount does not contain enough interesting information and detail to keep his reader
engaged. To improve it, he is going to do some practice exercises. Help him complete them.

Step 1: Start with a good orientation

The orientation needs to set the scene by telling who, what, when and where. It also
needs to capture the reader’s attention and make them want to read on.

Which of the orientations below would be a better way for Omar to start his recount?

A I woke up early this BI woke up at 5 o’clock CI woke up at 5 am.

morning. It was still this morning. It was still It was so dark I couldn’t
dark. I didn’t want to pitch dark outside and see a thing. I had to
leave my warm bed to bitterly cold. I had to get up to go and fetch
go and fetch firewood. force myself to get out of firewood for my mother.
my warm, snug bed to I didn’t want to get up.

fetch in the firewood.

Step 2: Link ideas with conjunctions

Conjunctions
✹ link words and phrases in sentences
✹ link simple sentences to make compound sentences
✹ help add detail to sentences
✹ make our writing flow
✹ include words like and, but, or, so, yet, because, unless, until, when and while.

Omar’s writing does not flow because he has not used many conjunctions.

Use a conjunction from the list to complete each of these sentences. For some of the
sentences there may be more than one possibility.

1 I brought in the firewood ______________ my mother could cook breakfast.

2 Father said I could use the puddling pan ______________ the cradle.

3 I used the puddling pan to look for gold, ______________ I didn’t find anything.

4 ______________ we find gold, we will have to keep on living in our little canvas and
bark hut.

5 I go to lessons with Mr Murphy ______________ Mother wants me to learn how to read

and write.
6 I heard a kookaburra laughing in a nearby tree ______________ I was panning for gold.

7 We had to stop looking for gold ______________ it got dark.

4 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 4 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Step 3: Add detail with adjectives

Adjectives give extra meaning to nouns. Some of them describe feelings.

For example: This is an exciting time.

Omar can add interest and colour to his writing by including some good feeling adjectives.

wonderful angry dissatisfied despondent dejected

unhappy fantastic hopeful optimistic furious
annoyed excited resentful overjoyed downcast

Choose three adjectives from the list to describe the following. Use each adjective only once.

1 how a digger would feel when he first arrived on the goldfields

2 how a digger would feel when he found gold

3 how a digger would feel after an unsuccessful day on the goldfields

4 how a child would feel about having to work so hard on the goldfields

5 how the diggers felt about the licence fees they had to pay

Step 4: End with a good conclusion

The conclusion is usually the last paragraph. It should include a personal comment
to wrap up the recount.

Which conclusion contains a personal comment, making it a more effective way for
Omar to wrap up his recount?

B Dinner was the usual C After dinner, which

A After a dinner of mutton, damper and tea. Our consisted of the usual mutton,
mutton, damper and neighbours joined us around the damper and tea, I came to
tea, I lit a candle and fire after dinner. We talked for a bed. It has been another long,
came to bed. And that bit and then my mother said it hard day without finding any
is the end of another was time for my sisters and me gold and I am exhausted.
day without finding to go to bed. And that is the Once I’ve snuffed out the
any gold. end of another day without candle, I don’t think it will
finding any gold. take me long to fall asleep.

Unit 1 I maginative recounts— diar y entries 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 5 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Omar’s final draft. Read the comments about his recount on the left, and do the
tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
Victoria Goldfields, 16 July, 1853
A clear orientation tells I woke up at 5 o’clock this morning. It was still 1. Underline the
who, what, when conjunction
pitch dark outside and bitterly cold. I had to force
and where that introduces
myself to get out of my warm, snug bed to fetch the result of doing
in the firewood so Mother could make breakfast. something.

Using time After breakfast I went to the creek to get fresh 2. Underline the
adjective that
connectives makes water. I thought my hands were going to turn into
means the opposite
the writing flow and
ice blocks! I couldn’t help comparing the life we’d of easy.
helps the reader make
sense of the recount. left in Melbourne with the life we lead now. Life
on the goldfields is so harsh! But Pa assures us
that we will soon be rich.
Using conjunctions When it got light I went with Pa to the diggings. 3. Underline the
makes the writing flow conjunction
He asked me if I wanted to use the puddling pan
and helps add detail to that joins
sentences. or the cradle. Today I chose the puddling pan, but two sentences.
I didn’t find any gold.
Sequencing events At ten o’clock it was time for my lessons with 4. Circle the
in the order in which conjunction that
Mr Murphy. Mother makes me go for two hours
they happened makes introduces the
the recount easier to every day because she wants me to learn how to reason for doing
understand. read, write and count. something.

After lunch I went back to the diggings with 5. Circle the

Pa. The men were complaining about the heavy adjective that
describes how the
licence fees they have to pay to dig for gold. men were feeling.
Some of them were really angry! I fear there
might be an uprising soon.
Using feeling We packed up our tools as the last light of the 6. Circle the
adjectives adds day disappeared. We were a dejected bunch. adjective that
interest and colour to describes how the
the recount. We had worked hard all day but had dug up only diggers felt when
worthless clay and gravel. they packed up for
the day.
The conclusion After dinner, which consisted of the usual
contains a personal mutton, damper and tea, I came to bed. It has 7. Underline the
comment to round off adjective that
the recount. been another long, hard day without finding any
describes how the
gold and I am exhausted. Once I’ve snuffed out writer was feeling
the candle, I don’t think it will take me long to at the end of
the day.
fall asleep.

6 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 6 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Student B: Emily’s draft
Emily is going to write about life on the goldfields from a young girl’s
point of view. She is using a different poster to help her.

Life on the goldfields

Immigration: In the 1850s many people
from around the world came to Australia in
search of gold.
Journeying to Australia: The voyage from
Europe took approximately five months on
sailing ships like the Sir Charles Napier.

The sailing ship, Sir Charles Napier

Conditions on the goldfields: Very cold in winter and very hot in summer,
smelly from the garbage lying around, water often polluted
Clothing: Girls wore pinafores over their
long dresses, capes in winter, pantalettes to
cover their legs, day-caps, and ribbons and
silks if they were wealthy
Chores: Girls had to fetch and
carry water, help wash the dishes
and clothes, gather firewood, A family on
iron, knit and sew. Sometimes the goldfields
they helped pan for gold. in the 1850s

Answer these questions using full sentences.

1 What type of weather did the diggers experience on the goldfields?

2 What made conditions on the goldfields unhygienic?

3 What did girls wear to protect their dresses?

4 How are girls’ clothes today different from the clothes they wore in the 1850s?

Unit 1 I maginative recounts— diar y entries 7

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 7 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Emily’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

Victoria, 14 May, 1855

Last week we arrived in Ballarat.
We came to Australia on the Sir Charles Napier. We disembarked in Melbourne.
The journey took five months.
We had to buy a cart and horses to take us to the goldfields. Now we are at the
goldfields.
The place smells. We have to get our water from the creek. The water is polluted.
Mama says we must boil it before we drink it.
We are living in a canvas and bark hut. Papa says we’re going to strike it rich. Then
he’ll order a prefabricated house for us from England.
I have lots of chores to do. I mainly fetch and carry water. I gather firewood.
I also help to wash the dishes and clothes. Mama is teaching me how to knit
and sew.
I made a friend the other day. Her name is Mary. She also comes from England.

1 Tick (3) the correct answers. Which of these things has Emily remembered to include in
her draft?

a a clear orientation that tells who, what, when and where

b events told in the order in which they happened

c a conclusion that contains a personal comment to round off the recount

d conjunctions to add detail to sentences and make the writing flow

e adjectives that express feelings and opinions

f interesting information and detail about events

g sentences with correct punctuation and spelling

2 Read Emily’s draft again and then rearrange these events by numbering them in the
order in which they happened.
a found somewhere to live
b made a friend
c left England
d arrived in Ballarat
e arrived in Melbourne

8 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 8 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Emily also needs to improve her recount by adding more interesting information and detail,
so like Omar, she is going to do some practice exercises. Can you help her?

Step 1: Start with a good orientation

Emily’s orientation is not interesting enough to capture the reader’s attention.
1 Which of these opening paragraphs is more likely to do so?

A We left England almost six B When Papa said we were

months ago. It took us five months going to sail across the ocean to
to reach Australia. We came on a place called Australia, I was
a ship. The ship’s name was the very excited. It sounded like a
Sir Charles Napier. We landed in big adventure. But I soon realised
Melbourne. We had come in that being stuck on a ship for five
search of gold. months is no adventure at all.

2 Now write your own orientation for Emily’s recount.

Step 2: Link ideas with conjunctions

1 Emily is going to use some conjunctions to link her ideas. This will make her writing
flow more smoothly and it will help add detail to her sentences. Complete each sentence
with an ending from the box.

Mama says we must boil it before we drink it

the track was rough and bumpy
first we had to buy a cart and horses

a Papa was keen to set out for the goldfields, but ______________________________________

b It took us a long time to travel from Melbourne to Ballarat because __________________

c The water in the creek is dirty, so ____________________________________________________

Unit 1 I maginative recounts— diar y entries 9

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 9 11/08/14 1:43 PM

2 Now write your own endings for these sentences.

a Mama says she won’t be happy here until ___________________________________________

b Papa says he’ll order a prefabricated house from England when______________________

c The birds in Australia are very beautiful, although___________________________________

Step 3: Add detail with adjectives

Which adjectives from the box might Emily use to express the writer’s feelings about the
following? For example: she might feel anxious about leaving England to go to a strange land.

Write down three adjectives below each heading.

1 The thought of leaving 2 The journey from 3 The goldfields

England to go to Melbourne to the
Australia goldfields

surprised fascinated anxious curious shocked

excited nervous confused inquisitive

Step 4: End with a good conclusion

Emily’s conclusion is not effective because it does not round off her recount with a personal
comment.
1 Which of these conclusions contains a personal comment?

A The houses in our village in B I like Australia because it is

England were built of stone and warmer and sunnier than England, but
brick. There aren’t really any proper I miss my friends and family, especially
houses on the goldfields. It rained my grandparents. Mama says that my
a lot in England, but here there is grandparents might come to Australia
more sunshine. The plants when we have a proper house. That
and animals are also different. would make me very happy!

2 Write a personal comment for the conclusion that does not have one.

10 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 10 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Writing the final draft
Emily has started writing the final draft of her recount. Help her complete it by filling in
the missing sections, and then look in the answers section to compare what you have written
with what Emily wrote.

Hint! Look at the poster and practice exercises for ideas.

Victoria, 14 May, 1855

When Papa said we were going to sail across the ocean to a place called Australia, I was
very excited. It sounded like a big adventure. But I soon realised that being stuck on a ship
for five months is no adventure at all.
I was relieved when our ship, the Sir Charles Napier, finally docked in Melbourne. And that
wasn’t even the end of our journey! We still had to get to Ballarat.
The first thing Papa did in Melbourne was to buy a cart and horses. Then we set off for the
goldfields! (Tell about the journey to the goldfields, what it was like and what the writer and her
family saw along the way.)

We have been on the Ballarat goldfields for a week now. It isn’t anything like I imagined
it would be. I thought I would see lots of rich folk living in large houses and riding about
in fine carriages, but most of the people here are very poor. (Tell about the crowded and
unhygienic conditions on the goldfields.)

We live in a canvas and bark hut. Papa says he’ll order a prefabricated house from England
when we strike it rich. Mama says she won’t be happy here until she has a decent house to
live in. (Tell how the writer felt about living in a hut.)

I have lots of chores to do—more than I had in England. I mainly fetch and carry water and
gather firewood. I also help wash the dishes and clothes, and Mama is teaching me how to
knit and sew.

Unit 1 I maginative recounts— diar y entries 11

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 11 11/08/14 1:43 PM

I made a friend the other day. Her name is Mary. She also comes from England. I am only
allowed to go out and play with her if I have finished my chores. (Write your own conclusion,
or choose one from the practice exercises.)

Your turn
Write a recount of one to two pages on one of the following. Use your own paper for
this activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your recount includes: 3

✹ an orientation that sets the scene.
✹ a series of events, told in the order in which they happened.
✹ a conclusion that contains a personal comment.
✹ time connectives to link events.
✹ conjunctions to make your writing flow.
✹ adjectives that express feelings and opinions.
✹ interesting information and detail.
Use Omar’s final draft on page 6 and Emily’s final draft on
Tip page 11 to help you write your recount.

Go to WORD BANK page 134 for useful vocabulary

1 Imagine you are a 19th century girl or boy on one of the Australian goldfields. Write an
imaginative recount telling about a day, a week or a few months in your life. Use Omar
and Emily’s recounts as models.
2 Ask your grandparents or an elderly relative or friend what life was like when they were
your age. Where did they live? What did they do for fun? What did they learn about at
school? What kind of clothes were fashionable? What kind of music did they listen to?
Pretend you are a girl or boy living at that time and write an imaginative recount telling
about a day or week in your life.
3 Pretend you are one of the students in
this photograph from the 19th century.
Write an imaginative recount telling
about your school day.
4 Imagine what life might be like 100 years
from now. Perhaps people will have robots
to do chores around the house. They might
travel around in flying cars, and classrooms
could be virtual environments where students learn by being part of the action.
Think of some other ways in which life could be different in the future, and then write
an imaginative recount telling about a day in the life of a girl or boy from that time.

12 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U1.indd 12 11/08/14 1:43 PM

Unit 2 Descriptions—places

Looking at descriptions
A description can be imaginative or informative. Its aim is to give the reader a clear
picture of a person, place or thing, often by involving the five senses.

A description is usually part of another text, so its purpose depends on its context. In a
narrative, its main purpose is to help tell the story, while in a report or explanation, its
purpose is generally to inform.

Sometimes, however, a description can be a text on its own. In this case, it should have:

✹ an interesting introduction that captures the reader’s attention and tells what the
description is about.
✹ a series of paragraphs that describe the subject.
✹ a conclusion that includes a final comment or thought about the person, place
or thing.

Descriptions of people, places or things can form part of a:

✹ narrative. ✹ textbook. ✹ poem.
✹ newspaper report. ✹ letter or email. ✹ advertisement.
✹ diary or journal entry. ✹ magazine or website article. ✹ recount.

1 In which type of text are you most likely to find these descriptions? Write your answers
in the spaces.
a b c
Cinderella was a beautiful Each creamy ice-cream I stood upon our
girl with long, blonde bar is smothered in a thick western shore
hair that shimmered with layer of mouth-watering And heard the ocean’s
golden lights. chocolate. billows roar.
______________________ ______________________ ______________________
______________________ ______________________ ______________________

2 Which text below is a description of a house? Tick (3) the correct answer.

A We arrived at the big house late B The house is a rectangular

at night. We knocked on the front shape. It is painted white and has
door, hoping that someone would a steep slate roof. There is a brass
answer it. Finally we heard muffled knocker beside the beautifully
footsteps coming down the hall. carved front door.

Unit 2 Descriptions—places 13

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 13 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Student A: Hannah’s draft
Hannah’s Year 5 class have been asked to describe their favourite place.
They have to involve all five senses in their description.

Hannah is going to write about the beach near her house.

Before she gets started, she imagines herself sitting on the beach and writes down all the
things she can see, hear, touch or feel, smell and taste.

sand ocean umbrellas people yacht

people children chairs lifeguards food
sunscreen sun surfers sky seagulls
towel salt ship water waves

1 Sort Hannah’s words into the correct categories and write them in the bubbles below.
Some words, like waves, might belong to two or more categories.

waves
waves

Touch/
Feeling
waves Smell
Hearing
Taste

Sight

2 Think of more things that Hannah might see, hear, feel, smell, touch or taste at the
beach and write them below.

14 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 14 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Hannah’s first draft. Read what she wrote and then answer the questions.

My Favourite Place
My favourite place is the beach near my house.
There are lots of interesting things to see at the beach. I like to sit on the sand
and watch the people swimming in the water and the surfers riding the waves.
Some people just sit on towels or chairs under beach umbrellas, and others play
ball games.
I like listening to the sound of the waves and the children shouting to each other.
Sometimes the lifeguards have to tell people to swim between the beacons.
I love to feel the sun on my back and the sand beneath my feet. I love the feel of
the water around my legs.
I like the smell of the sea. It mixes with the smell of sunscreen and food from the
nearby restaurants. After I’ve been swimming, I can even taste the salt on my lips.
The beach is my favourite place.

1 A good description should contain the following features. Tick the ones that Hannah
has used.

a an introduction that captures the reader’s attention

b a series of paragraphs that describe the person, place or thing

c a strong conclusion that includes a final comment or thought about

the person, place or thing

d adjectives that describe what people and things look, sound, feel, smell
and taste like (e.g. loud shouts, salty taste)

e present tense verbs (e.g. is, are or like)

f noun groups that include interesting detail (e.g. the salty smell of the sea)

g sentences with correct punctuation and spelling

2 Hannah has remembered to use present tense verbs throughout her description.
Underline the present tense verbs in these sentences from the draft.

a My favourite place is the beach near my house.

b Some people just sit on towels or chairs under beach umbrellas, and others play ball
games.

c I love the feel of the water around my legs.

d I like the smell of the sea.

Unit 2 Descriptions—places 15

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 15 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Hannah clearly has some work to do to turn her draft into an interesting description.
She is going to do some practice exercises to find ideas on how to improve it. Help her
complete them.

Step 1: Start with an interesting introduction

The introduction is the opening paragraph. To capture the reader’s attention and
make them want to read on, the introduction must be interesting.

Hannah has jotted down some sentences to use in her introduction. Put them together to
make an interesting opening paragraph.
y things
I love the feel of the I get to experience There are man
beach.
warm sun on my back. these things at my I love about the
favourite place— I love to watch the waves
I love the crunch of
the beach near my curling and crashing
sand beneath my feet .
house. onto the shore.

Step 2: Paint a picture with adjectives

In Unit 1 you learnt that adjectives add information to nouns. By using interesting
adjectives in her description, Hannah will give her reader a clearer picture of what
people and things look, sound, feel, smell or taste like.

Complete the following sentences with adjectives from the box. Use each adjective once.

happy suntanned little tall bare

salty soft cold delicious sweet
creamy spongy warm wet

1 The sand feels and beneath my feet.

2 The ______________ smell of the sea mingles with the ______________ smell of sunscreen.
3 I shiver as the ______________ water creeps up my ______________ legs.
4 I hear the ______________ voices of ______________ children at play.
5 My ice-cream tastes ______________ and ______________.

16 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 16 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Step 3: Add detail with noun groups

Noun groups are groups of words that are built around nouns. They tell who or what is
involved in the sentence. They are a way of adding detail to sentences. For example, my
colourful umbrella with pink ribbons on top; my beach umbrella that I bought last week.

1 Find an ending in the box to complete each of the noun groups below.

of a ship on the horizon from nearby restaurants

topped with foamy white crests squabbling over a chip
that feels like sugar beneath my feet

a the white sand ______________________________________________________________________

b the blue-green waves _______________________________________________________________

c two seagulls ________________________________________________________________________

d the faint outline ____________________________________________________________________

e delicious smells _____________________________________________________________________

Step 4: End with a strong conclusion

The conclusion is the final paragraph. It should contain a comment or thought about
the topic to round off the description.

1 Which of these paragraphs contains a final comment or thought about the beach and
would make a better conclusion for Hannah’s description?

A I love going to the beach. B When the sun begins to sink

There are lots of interesting things in the west, people start to pack
to see and do there. I also like up and leave. The waves take no
the sound and smell of the sea. notice. They continue to roll onto
the beach, as they always have.

2 Write a different conclusion for Hannah’s description. Remember to include a final

comment about the beach.

Unit 2 Descriptions—places 17

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 17 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Hannah’s final draft. Read the comments about her description on the left, and do
the tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
My favourite place
An interesting There are many things I love about the beach. I love 1. Underline the
introduction the feel of the warm sun on my back. I love the crunch noun group
captures the reader’s that is built
attention.
of sand beneath my feet. I love to watch the waves around the word
rolling onto the shore. I get to experience these things ‘place’.
at my favourite place—the beach near my house.
After planting my umbrella in the soft sand and 2. Circle the
plastering sunscreen on my face and body, I settle adjective that
describes the feel
down to enjoy the sights and sounds around me. of the sand.
Using noun I am fascinated by the way the white-crested waves 3. Underline the
groups that rise, curl and then crash onto the beach, spilling their adjective that
contain interesting describes the
adjectives makes it
foam across the sand. Sometimes I notice the faint appearance of
easier for the reader outline of a ship on the horizon, or the white sails of a the waves.
to create mind yacht bobbing up and down in the distance.
pictures of what is
being described. By late morning the beach is dotted with colourful 4. Underline the
beach umbrellas. Some of the people lie on their towels, noun groups
that are built
soaking up the sun, while others frolic in the waves or around the
play in the sand. The suntanned lifeguards, perched on words ‘towers’
their tall towers, keep a watchful eye on everyone. and ‘eye’.

Using descriptive I hear the happy shouts of little children as they 5. Circle the
verbs gives a shovel sand into plastic buckets. Some of them race adjective
clearer picture of the that describes
action and makes
about, spraying sand on sunbathers’ legs. Usually the sound the
the writing more there are seagulls nearby, squawking loudly as they children make.
interesting to read. squabble over scraps of food.
When I get too hot, I walk down to the water. The 6. Underline the
sharp smell of salt fills my nostrils and the cold water noun group
that is built
stings my bare legs. around the word
As lunchtime approaches, delicious smells from ‘legs’.

nearby restaurants fill the air. They mingle with 7. Underline the
the salty smell of the sea and the sweet smell of noun group
that is built
sunscreen. Small grains of sand stick to my tongue around the word
The conclusion as I chew on my chicken and salad sandwich. ‘smells’.
wraps up the
When the sun begins to sink in the west, people start 8. Highlight the
description with
to pack up and leave. The waves take no notice. They final comment
a final comment
about the beach.
about the beach. continue to roll onto the beach, as they always have.

18 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 18 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Student B: Jose’s draft
Jose’s favourite place is his backyard, where he can let his imagination
run wild.

Before writing his description, Jose makes a list of all the things in his backyard that he
experiences with his five senses.
1 Place the words under the correct image, remembering that some things can be
experienced with more than one sense.

tree shovel kennel lawnmower

branches barbecue father caterpillars
ladder roses vegetable patch birds
tree house deck tomatoes leaves
pathway dog lemons grass

2 Think of more things that Jose might see, hear, feel, smell or taste in his backyard and
add them to the list.

Unit 2 Descriptions—places 19

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 19 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Jose’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

My Favourite Place
My favourite place is my backyard. That’s where I let my imagination run wild.
My tree house is my secret hideout. I like to imagine I am watching over my
kingdom from up there. Sometimes I see insects like caterpillars. They wriggle
across the branches. Birds also like to sit in the tree.
A gravel pathway leads from the deck behind the house to the shed. We like to
have barbecues on the deck. Inside the shed are the garden tools and lawnmower.
On one side of the pathway is a rose garden, a vegetable patch and a lemon tree.
On the other side is grass. My dog’s kennel is next to the shed.
The best vegetables in the vegetable patch are the tomatoes. They taste good.
There are also lots of lemons on the lemon tree. They have a fresh smell.
I like to watch my dad when he mows the lawn. My dog doesn’t like the sound of
the lawnmower. She runs away when she hears it.
My backyard is my favourite place.

1 Which of these features has Jose remembered to use in his draft?

a an introduction that captures the reader’s attention
b a series of paragraphs that describe his backyard
c a conclusion that includes a final thought about his backyard
d adjectives that describe how things look, sound, feel, smell and taste
e present tense verbs
f noun groups that include interesting adjectives
g sentences that have the correct punctuation and spelling
2 Jose has also remembered to use present tense verbs throughout his draft. Which verb
tells what

a the caterpillars do? __________________________________________________________________

b the birds do? ________________________________________________________________________

c Dad does? ___________________________________________________________________________

d the dog does? _______________________________________________________________________

20 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 20 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Jose is also going to do some practice exercises to improve his draft. Help him complete them.

Step 1: Start with an interesting introduction

1 Which of these opening paragraphs would be more likely to capture the reader’s
attention?

A My favourite place is where B My favourite place is my

I get to be a superhero. It’s backyard. The reason it’s my
where I’m a pirate searching for favourite place is because I can
treasure, or a famous explorer have fun there. I can create my
discovering unknown lands. It’s own world there, so it can be
the magical kingdom behind my whatever I want it to be. I also like
house. It’s my backyard. to explore my backyard because it
is full of interesting things.

2 Write a different introduction for Jose’s description. Remember that it must hook the
reader in!

Step 2: Paint a picture with adjectives

Use interesting adjectives to describe the following nouns. The first one has been done for you.

Noun
1 roses beautiful velvety fragrant
2 barbecue

3 soil

4 branches

5 dog

6 tree house

7 lawnmower

Unit 2 Descriptions—places 21

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 21 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Step 3: Add detail with noun groups
Build interesting noun groups around the following words.

For example: kingdom the magical kingdom behind my house

1 shed ___________________________________________________________________________________
2 tree ____________________________________________________________________________________
3 caterpillars _____________________________________________________________________________
4 birds ___________________________________________________________________________________
5 tomatoes _______________________________________________________________________________
6 grass ___________________________________________________________________________________
7 lemons _________________________________________________________________________________

Step 4: End with a strong conclusion

1 Rearrange the sentences on the notes in order to make a good conclusion for Jose’s
description. Remember that good conclusions often end with a personal comment.

rd truly
a My backya b I spend hours up
is a magical there—watching fat
ke
place! hing I li
green caterpillars c The t
out my
wriggling along best ab y
rd is m
the branches and backya
use.
d It’s wh listening to the tree ho
ere I let m
imaginati y birds twittering or
on run squawking around
wild.
me.

2 Now write a different conclusion for Jose’s description. Don’t forget to add a comment
about his backyard!

22 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 22 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Writing the final draft
Jose has started writing the final draft of his description. Complete it by filling in the
missing sections, and then look in the answer section to compare what you have written with
what Jose wrote.

Hint! Look at the practice exercises for ideas.

My favourite place
My favourite place is where I get to be a superhero. It’s where I’m a pirate searching
for treasure, or a famous explorer discovering unknown lands. It’s the magical
kingdom behind my house. It’s my backyard.
In one corner is a large tree with spreading branches. A sturdy rope ladder leads
up to a cosy tree house. I sometimes pretend this is my secret hideout from where I
can keep watch over my kingdom.
Opposite the tree is the shed, where Dad keeps his tools. A gravel pathway runs
from the wooden deck behind the house to the shed. I like listening to the crunch
of Dad’s gardening boots as he strides down the pathway. Sometimes I imagine he
is a pirate coming to find my treasure!
The wooden deck is where we have our Sunday barbecues. (Write about one of Jose’s
barbecues, remembering to describe the sounds, smells and tastes.)

Next to the shed is our labrador’s kennel. The only time she ever uses it is when
Dad mows the grass. As soon as the mower roars into life, Sheba howls and takes
refuge inside her little house.
On one side of the pathway is a rose garden, a vegetable patch and a lemon tree.
(Write about the roses, the tomatoes in the vegetable patch and the lemon tree,
remembering to describe what they look, feel, smell or taste like.)

Unit 2 Descriptions—places 23

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 23 11/08/14 1:44 PM

(Write a good conclusion that includes a personal comment.)

Your turn
Write a description of one to two pages on one of the following. Use your own paper for this
activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your description has: 3

✹ an introduction that captures the reader’s attention.
✹ a series of paragraphs that describe the place or subject you are writing about.
✹ a conclusion that contains a final comment about the place you are describing.
✹ adjectives that describe what people and things look, sound, feel, smell or taste like.
✹ noun groups that contain interesting adjectives.
Use Hannah’s final draft on page 18 and Jose’s final draft on page 23 to help
Tip you write your description.

Go to WORD BANK page 134 for useful vocabulary

1 Write a description of your favourite place, such as the attic, your cubby house or your
local park or reserve. Use Hannah and Jose’s descriptions as models.
2 Find a picture of a place you would like to visit. Imagine you are there, experiencing it
through your five senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste.

24 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U2.indd 24 11/08/14 1:44 PM

Unit 3 Narratives

Looking at narratives
A narrative tells a story. Its main purpose is to entertain, but some narratives teach us
more about the world and some may even inspire us to behave differently or to follow our
dreams. Fables, for example, contain lessons about how we should or should not behave.

A narrative should have:

✹ an orientation that sets the scene by telling the reader who, where, when and
what.
✹ a complication or problem that has to be resolved, usually by the main character.
✹ a series of events that result from the complication.
✹ a resolution, in which the problem is solved.

1 Which type or category of narrative do you enjoy writing about? Choose one from
the list.

Adventure Folk tales Mystery

Fables Historical Myths
Fairy tales Horror Realistic
Fantasy Humorous Science fiction

2 Match the titles below with the type of narrative they are most likely to be.

a The Tunnel in the Mountain f The Missing Ring __________

b The Talking Hat ___ g The Haunted House

c The Golden Egg ____ h The Time Machine _

d The Box _______________________________ i How the Bear Lost Its Tail ______________

e The Faraway Kingdom _ j 1788 __________________

Perhaps you were undecided about some of the titles. For most of them there is more than
one possibility.
3 Which of these texts is more likely to be part of a narrative?

A A rocket is a jet engine. It is B After what seemed like only

used to blast a missile or other a few minutes, they were soaring
vehicle into space. above the earth.

Unit 3 Narratives 25

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 25 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Student A: Sarah’s draft
Sarah’s Year 5 class have to choose one of the narrative types to
write about. Sarah is going to write a fairy tale about how the dragon got its fire.

Sarah’s first step is to create a mind map so that she can organise her thoughts and ideas.

Where?
Who? Flamma Mountains

2. Complication
1. Orientation What?
Dragons
ate humans Flamma wouldn’t
When? eat humans.
Long ago Other dragons
teased him.
Very unhappy.
How the Dragon
Got Its Fire

5. Resolution 3. Event

Showed other Flamma ran

dragons— 4. Event
away to
was a hero volcano
Ate lava—
breathed fire

In the first two units you learnt that adjectives add colour and interest to writing.

Which adjectives might Sarah use to describe the following?

1 dragons ________________________________________________________________________________
2 mountains _____________________________________________________________________________
3 humans ________________________________________________________________________________
4 volcano ________________________________________________________________________________
5 lava ___________________________________________________________________________________
6 fire ____________________________________________________________________________________

26 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 26 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Sarah’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

How the Dragon Got Its Fire

Long ago some dragons lived in the mountains. In those days they couldn’t breathe fire.
They ate humans.
One little dragon called Flamma didn’t like the taste of humans. He wouldn’t eat them. The
other dragons teased him. He was very unhappy. He decided to run away. He knew if he
went to the great volcano the other dragons wouldn’t follow him. They were afraid of fire.
At first Flamma was scared of the smoke and fire coming from the volcano. He didn’t
know that the fire wouldn’t burn him. Soon Flamma started to feel hungry. He ate some
lava. It tasted good. He ate so much he started to hiccup. Fire came out of his nostrils.
Soon he was breathing fire. He went back to the mountains, but the other dragons
started teasing him again.
Flamma showed them how to breathe fire and he was a hero.

1 A good narrative should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones that Sarah
has used.

a a clear orientation that sets the scene

b an interesting complication

c a series of events divided into paragraphs

d a strong resolution that shows how the problem is solved and provides a
satisfying conclusion to the story

e descriptive verbs (e.g. roared, flashed or wept)

f past tense verbs (e.g. teased or decided)

g similes and metaphors (e.g. as sweet as syrup; ribbons of fire)

h dialogue to make the characters come to life (e.g. “Why are you so sad?” she asked.)

i interesting information and detail about the events

j sentences with correct spelling and punctuation

2 One thing Sarah has remembered to do is to use past tense verbs. Underline the past
tense of these verbs in her draft.
a eat b go c are d is e come

Step-by-step improvement plan

At this stage, Sarah’s narrative lacks interest and excitement. She is going to do some
practice exercises to find ideas on how to improve it. Help her complete the exercises.

Unit 3 Narratives 27

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 27 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Step 1: Add interest with descriptive verbs

Verbs tell what happens and when it happens. Some verbs are more descriptive than
others; (e.g. stroll is more descriptive than walk because it tells us exactly how the person
is walking). Using descriptive verbs makes a narrative more interesting to read.

1 Replace the underlined verbs in these sentences with a more descriptive verb from
the box.

gazed perched curled flapped spewing flee gobbled swoop

a The dragons would fly ______________ down from the high mountains.
b Flamma was so unhappy he decided to go ______________ to the great volcano.
c Flamma moved ______________ his wings and rose up into the air.
d Flamma stood ______________ on the edge of the volcano.
e He looked ______________ at the fire and lava coming ______________ out of it.
f He ate ______________ so much lava that he started to hiccup.
g Each time he hiccupped, flames came ______________ out of his nostrils.

2 Write another descriptive verb in place of

a ate ______________ b looked ______________

Step 2: Add colour with similes and metaphors

Similes compare one thing to something else which is usually dissimilar, using the words
like or as.
For example: Flamma’s skin was as rough as sandpaper.
Flamma’s skin was like sandpaper.
Metaphors compare one thing to something else by saying that it is that thing.
For example: The lava was a fiery snake winding its way down the mountain.
Similes and metaphors help the reader create mind pictures of people, places and
events. Like descriptive verbs, they add interest to the text.

1 Complete these sentences with a simile or metaphor from the box.

like little streams like fireworks like warm syrup rivers of lava a roaring giant

a Tears flowed down Flamma’s cheeks ____________________________ .

b Red sparks shot into the air ____________________________ .

c The volcano was ____________________________ waiting to swallow him!

d ____________________________ flowed down the side of the mountain.

e The lava slid down his throat ____________________________ .

28 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 28 11/08/14 1:45 PM

2 Underline the phrase in brackets that is a metaphor.

To Flamma’s surprise, (little flames/ribbons of fire) shot out of his nostrils.

Step 3: Bring characters to life with dialogue

Dialogue is the actual words characters use in a text. If used properly, it can bring the
characters to life, so it is another way of adding interest and energy to narratives.

Reminder! It is important that you punctuate dialogue correctly.

✹ Use speech marks (“ ”) around the actual words that a character
speaks, including any punctuation.
✹ Use a capital letter when someone speaks for the first time, even if
the first spoken word comes after a comma.
✹ Start a new paragraph when a new character starts speaking.
For example: “Why are you unhappy, Flamma?” asked his mother.
Flamma replied, “All the other dragons are teasing me.”

Fill in the missing speech marks in these sentences.

1 Oh, Flamma, they howled, how can you call yourself a dragon when you won’t eat humans?

2 Oh dear, sighed Flamma, what am I going to do?

3 So where have you been, Flamma? Frightening humans? they asked.

4 I’m so proud of you, Flamma, said his mother.

5 Don’t be frightened, said Flamma, I’ll show you all how to breathe fire.

6 We’re so sorry we were mean to you said the dragons. Please forgive us.

Hint! Don’t drown your narrative in dialogue! It is more effective if used sparingly.

Step 4: End with a strong resolution

The resolution is the final paragraph or two of the narrative in which the problem is
solved. It should wrap the story up and provide a satisfying ending.

Which is the more effective ending?

A Flamma breathed out hard—“Whoosh!” B Flamma didn’t cry when the

Long, red ribbons of flame burst out of his other dragons teased him because he
nostrils. The other dragons drew back in fear, knew they would be impressed that he
but Flamma told them not to be frightened. could breathe fire. He couldn’t wait to
He explained how the great volcano had show them the fire coming out of his
given him this wonderful gift and soon all nostrils. At first they were scared, but
the dragons who lived in the high mountains then they all wanted to breathe fire.
were breathing fire. Now they no longer Flamma showed them how and
teased Flamma. He was a hero! they all lived happily ever after.

Unit 3 Narratives 29

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 29 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Sarah’s final draft. Read the comments about her description on the left, and do
the tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
How the Dragon Got Its Fire
A clear orientation Long ago, before dragons could breathe fire, they lived in
sets the scene. the high mountains and ate humans.
An interesting But one little dragon was different from the others. He 1. Circle the
complication refused to eat humans. The other dragons teased him until simile.
draws the reader in.
the tears rolled down his cheeks like little streams.
A bit of dialogue “Oh, Flamma!” they howled. “How can you call yourself a 2. Underline the
adds energy to the dragon when you won’t eat humans?” actual words
text. the dragons use.
Flamma was so miserable that he decided to run away. In
those days dragons were afraid of fire, so Flamma knew that
if he went to the great volcano, the other dragons wouldn’t
follow him.
Starting a new Early the next morning Flamma set off, and it wasn’t long 3. Circle the
paragraph each before he was perching nervously on the edge of the crater. descriptive
time a new idea is verbs in red
The volcano rumbled menacingly. Red-hot sparks rained
introduced makes and underline
the text easier to
down on him. Smoke crawled up his nostrils. Flamma was the adjectives
understand. certain the volcano was going to roast him, but the fire and in blue.
smoke didn’t hurt him—it made him feel good!
Using a mixture of Flamma looked at the rivers of bubbling lava flowing down 4. Underline the
short and long the side of the volcano. They looked tasty! He bit off a chunk. metaphor.
sentences adds It slid down his throat like warm syrup. He kept on eating
interest to the text.
the delicious lava until his tummy was almost bursting! Then
he hiccupped. A little flame curled out of his nostril. He
hiccupped again, and this time the flame was bigger. Flamma
flew back to his home in the mountains. He couldn’t wait to
show the other dragons how he could breathe fire.
Including interesting When he landed on the grassy area in front of the main
detail makes it cave, the other dragons gathered around him.
easier for the reader
to create a mind “So where have you been, Flamma? Frightening humans 5. Underline the
picture of events. again?” they asked, and they burst out laughing. dialogue.

An effective “Whoosh!” said Flamma, as he breathed out hard. Long 6. Circle the
resolution wraps red ribbons of flame burst out of his nostrils. The other sound word.
the story up and dragons drew back in fear, but Flamma told them not to be
provides a satisfying
frightened. He explained how the great volcano had given
ending.
him this wonderful gift and soon all the dragons who lived in
the high mountains were breathing fire. Now they no longer
teased Flamma. He was a hero!

30 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 30 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Student B: Stuart’s draft
Stuart, another Year 5 student, prefers writing adventure stories.
He has chosen the title Washed Away for his narrative. He is also using a mind map to
organise his thoughts and ideas.

Where?
Who? Ben, Chan In bush next
and narrator to creek

2. Complication
1. Orientation What?
Camping
Storm—
When? creek floods
Evening
Washed
Away
6. Resolution 3. Event

Rescued Ben and Chan safe—

5. Event narrator washed away

4. Event
Morning—voices,
buildings
Trapped—frightened

In Unit 2 you learnt that adjectives help paint a picture for readers.

Add to these lists of adjectives that Stuart could use when describing
1 the storm fierce, raging,

2 how he felt when he was washed away frightened, scared,

3 how he felt when he was rescued happy, relieved,

Unit 3 Narratives 31

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 31 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Stuart’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

Washed Away
Ben, Chan and I went camping.
A storm woke us up in the early hours of the morning. The creek had flooded.
I unzipped the tent. Ben and Chan made it to higher ground, but I didn’t. The
water swept me away.
The water was flowing very strongly. Suddenly I felt as if I was trapped in
something. It was very dark. I couldn’t see a thing. I was very frightened. I think I
dozed off.
When I woke up it was
getting light. I saw
buildings. Then I heard
voices. People came and
saved me.
I had to go to hospital, but
I only had scratches and
bruises. Otherwise I was
fine. It hasn’t stopped me
going camping.

1 Which of these features has Stuart remembered to include in his draft? Tick (3) the
correct answers.

a a clear orientation that sets the scene

b an interesting complication
c a series of events divided into paragraphs

d a strong resolution that shows how the problem is solved and provides a
satisfying conclusion to the story

e interesting information and detail about the events

f sentences with correct spelling and punctuation

2 Which of these language features has Stuart used in his draft?

a descriptive verbs

b similes and metaphors

c past tense

d dialogue

32 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 32 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
At this stage, Stuart’s narrative is rather dull. To find ideas on how to make it more interesting
and exciting, he is also going to do some practice exercises. Help him complete them.

Step 1: Start with an interesting orientation

The orientation is the opening paragraph or two of a narrative. It should be interesting
enough to capture the reader’s attention and give them a clearer picture of who, when,
where and what.
1 Which of these orientations works better?

A Ben, Chan and I had spent the day B My friends and I like hiking. Once
hiking through rough bush. Just as the sun we went hiking in the bush. We hiked
was dipping below the horizon, we came all day. That night we put up our tent
to a shady spot next to a small creek. We near a creek. The creek didn’t have much
decided it was a good place to set up camp. water in it. We made something to eat
After a quick meal of canned soup and dry and then we talked for a bit. We were
crackers, we flopped into our sleeping bags. very tired, so we rolled out our sleeping
We were asleep in no time. bags and climbed into them.

2 Now write a different orientation for Stuart’s narrative.

Step 2: Add interest with descriptive verbs

Stuart can make his narrative more interesting and exciting by using more descriptive verbs.

1 Complete each sentence with the most descriptive verb from the box.

get flashing scramble bucketing tossing shining

hauled grasped rushing brought moving slammed

a The rain was __________________ down.

b Lightning was __________________ all around us.
c Ben and Chan managed to __________________ to safety.
d The flood water __________________ into me and started __________________ me about.
e I stopped moving, but I could still hear the water __________________ past me.
f Strong hands _________________ my shoulders and _________________ me out of the water.

Unit 3 Narratives 33

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 33 11/08/14 1:45 PM

2 Write two or three descriptive verbs that can be used in place of the following.
a said _________________________________________________________________________________
b looked _______________________________________________________________________________
c ran __________________________________________________________________________________
d pushed ______________________________________________________________________________

Step 3: Add colour with similes and metaphors

1 Choose the metaphor that best describes the force of the water as it slammed into the
narrator.
a a curtain of water
b a wall of water
c a fountain of water
2 Which simile best describes how helpless the narrator felt in the water?
a The water tossed me about like a robot.
b The water tossed me about like an action hero.
c The water tossed me about like a rag doll.
3 Choose the simile that best describes how dark it was that night.
a The darkness was as thick as a blanket.
b The darkness was as thick as a scarf.
c The darkness was as thick as a veil.
4 Which simile best describes how frightened the narrator felt in the water?
Fear gripped my heart ______________ .
a like a paw b like a hand c like a claw
5 Replace this overused simile with a more original one.
as quick as a wink
as quick as ______________

Step 4: Bring characters to life with dialogue

Which sentence in the following pairs suggests the urgency of the situation?
1
A “I think the creek is going to B “Quickly!” I yelled, as I
come down in flood and it might unzipped the tent. “We have to
wash us away,” I said when I heard get to higher ground!”
the rain beating against the tent.

2
A “Over here!” someone B “Can somebody please help
shouted. “Hurry!” me get this boy out of the river?”
I heard a voice say.

34 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 34 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Writing the final draft
Stuart has started writing the final draft of his narrative. Help him complete it by filling in
the missing sections, and then look in the answers section to compare what you have written
with what Stuart wrote.

Hint! Look at Stuart’s mind map and practice exercises for ideas.

Washed Away
Ben, Chan and I had spent the day hiking through rough bush. Just as the sun
was dipping below the horizon, we came to a shady spot next to a small creek. We
decided it was a good place to set up camp. After a quick meal of canned soup and
dry crackers, we flopped into our sleeping bags. We were asleep in no time.
We were woken in the early hours of the morning by the sound of crashing thunder.
Lightning was flashing all around us and the rain was bucketing down. We knew the
creek could come down in flood at any moment. We had to get to higher ground.
Quickly we unzipped the front of the tent. Ben and Chan went ahead of me and
managed to scramble to safety. I was too late. A wall of water slammed into me and
started tossing me about like a rag doll.
After what seemed like hours,

I must have dozed off, because when I opened my eyes, I could make out the outlines
of buildings against the pale sky. I glanced down and saw that I had been saved by
a tangle of branches and wood that had become stuck against a large rock, with me
wedged in between. But I couldn’t move. I was numb with cold and exhaustion.
Then I heard voices.

Unit 3 Narratives 35

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 35 11/08/14 1:45 PM

I spent the next couple of days in hospital, but apart from a few scratches and
bruises, I was fine.
I still go camping, but now I make sure I stay away from the banks of rivers and creeks!

Your turn
Write a narrative of one to two pages on one of the following. Use your own paper for this
activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your narrative contains: 3

✹ a title.
✹ an orientation that captures the reader’s attention and sets the scene by telling
who, what, where and when.
✹ an interesting complication or problem.
✹ a series of events divided into paragraphs.
✹ a resolution in which the problem is resolved.
✹ descriptive verbs, figurative language and some dialogue.
✹ interesting information and detail about the events.
Use Sarah’s final draft on page 30 and Stuart’s final draft on page 35 to help
Tip you write your narrative.

Go to WORD BANK pages 134–135 for useful vocabulary

1 Jodie found the bracelet on her way home from school. It was lying beside the pathway, half
hidden by the grass that grew longer where it met the concrete, like the stubble on an old
man’s chin. Without thinking, Jodie picked up the bracelet and slipped it onto her wrist.
Suddenly …
Continue the narrative.
2 Write a narrative that ends with the following paragraph.
The food finally arrived and the party went ahead. Everyone agreed afterwards that they’d had
a great time, even though the day hadn’t gone as planned!
3 Choose the type of narrative you most like writing about from the list at the beginning of
the unit. Write an interesting story.

36 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U3.indd 36 11/08/14 1:45 PM

Unit 4 Expositions—speeches

Looking at expositions
An exposition is an argument. It states a particular position or point of view and gives
evidence to support it. Its main purpose is to persuade people that this particular point of
view is the right one.

An exposition can take many forms—it might be in:

✹ a speech.
✹ a letter to a newspaper or magazine.
✹ an email to an organisation or individual.
✹ an article in a brochure, magazine or newspaper.
✹ a blog.

In this unit we will be looking at expositions in speeches.

When making a speech, it is important for the speaker to engage with the audience by
talking directly to them. Some ways a speaker can do this is by using personal pronouns
such as you, we and us, and by asking questions to make the audience think about the issue.

An exposition should have:

✹ an opening paragraph that states the position or point of view.

✹ arguments that give reasons for the point of view.
✹ evidence to support the arguments.
✹ a conclusion that repeats the point of view and refers back to the arguments.

1 Which of the following sentences expresses a point of view?

a b

There are many high-rise buildings I believe there are too many
in our neighbourhood. high-rise buildings in our
neighbourhood.

2 In a speech, which sentence is more likely to capture an audience’s attention?

a b

Lots of the food in the canteen Are you aware that lots of the food
is unhealthy. in the canteen is unhealthy?

Unit 4 Exp ositions—sp eeches 37

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 37 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Student A: Angelo’s draft
The Year 5s have raised $1000 to improve facilities at the school.
Angelo’s class have been asked what they think the money should be spent on and to present
their arguments as speeches.

Angelo believes the money should be spent on improving the school grounds by planting
more trees.

First, he did some research to make sure he had strong arguments and evidence to support his
position. He made these rough notes of his findings.

clean the air—good for our health—attract wildlife—help conserve wildlife—

change carbon dioxide into oxygen—cool the atmosphere—lungs of the earth—
provide shade—provide food for birds and insects—release moisture into
atmosphere—protect us from sun’s rays—many birds, insects, small mammals
make homes in trees—prevent sunburn—keep us cool

Fill in the evidence that Angelo could use to support these arguments.

Argument Supporting evidence

1 Good for our health

2 Good for the environment

3 Keep us cool

38 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 38 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Angelo’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

I believe we should spend the money on more trees for the school grounds. These
are my reasons.
Trees are good for our health. They change carbon dioxide into oxygen. We need
oxygen to breathe. Trees are the lungs of the earth and they stop the sun from
burning our skins.
Trees are good for the environment. They attract and help conserve wildlife. Lots
of birds, insects and mammals live in trees. They get their food from trees. Trees
also clean the air.
Trees keep us cool. They give us shade and they cool the atmosphere.
That’s why I think we need to spend the money on more trees for the school
grounds.

1 A good exposition should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones that Angelo
has used.

a an opening paragraph that contains the statement of position or

point of view, plus some background information

b a series of arguments that give reasons for the point of view

c strong, detailed evidence to support the arguments

d a conclusion that repeats the point of view and refers back to

the arguments

e thinking and feeling verbs (e.g. believe, know)

f modal verbs and adverbs (e.g. will, must)

g present tense verbs (e.g. are, clean)

h connectives to link arguments (e.g. Firstly, In addition)

i sentences with correct spelling and punctuation

2 Angelo has remembered to use some thinking and feeling verbs in his draft. Find them in
the text and underline them.

Step-by-step improvement plan

Angelo’s arguments are not strong enough to persuade an audience to his point of view. He is
going to do some practice exercises to try and make his speech more convincing. Help him
complete them.

Unit 4 Exp ositions—sp eeches 39

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 39 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step 1: Start with a good introduction

The introduction is the opening statement of the speech. It should include the speaker’s
point of view, but it should also be interesting enough to capture the audience’s
attention and make them want to listen.

Angelo’s introduction is too brief and dull for anyone to take what he has to say seriously.
1 Which of these opening paragraphs would be a better way for Angelo to start his
speech?

A Imagine it is a really hot day. Where B Trees are important. They will
would you rather sit—on a bench in the make our school grounds more
blazing sun, or on the grass beneath beautiful. We should use the $1000
a shady tree? I am sure you would all to buy trees. We can plant them
choose the shady tree. This is one reason all around the school. There are
I think we should spend the $1000 on also other reasons why we should
trees for the school grounds, but there spend the money on trees.
are others too.

2 Highlight the question in one of the paragraphs.

Step 2: Link ideas with connectives

Connectives are words and phrases that link paragraphs, sentences and parts of
sentences in a text. They can be
✹ adverbs (e.g. firstly, also, finally).
✹ adverbial phrases (e.g. in the first place, in addition).
✹ conjunctions (e.g. and, but, so, or, because, although).

1 Complete this version of Angelo’s draft with connectives from the box. Use each
connective once.

also firstly for example in addition and therefore because secondly

I believe we should spend the money on more trees for the school grounds. These are my
reasons.

______________ , trees are good for our health ________ they clean the air by absorbing carbon
dioxide ______________ turning it into oxygen. ______________ , trees attract birds, insects
and small mammals. These animals play an important role in the environment. Birds,
______________ , help with pest control by eating unwelcome visitors such as mosquitoes.
______________ , trees protect us from the harsh rays of the sun. They ______________ cool the
atmosphere by releasing moisture into the air. In the hot summer months, ______________ ,
more trees in the school grounds will protect us from the sun and keep us cool.

40 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 40 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step 3: Show certainty with modal verbs and adverbs

Modal verbs are auxiliary verbs. We use them to show how certain we are about
something. This is called modality.

Auxiliary verbs that show certainty have high modality.

For example: must, must not, will, will not, should, should not.

Auxiliary verbs that show uncertainty have low modality.

For example: might, might not, could, could not, may, may not.

Adverbs can also have modality. Adverbs with high modality include definitely,
certainly, surely, always and never. Adverbs with low modality include perhaps, maybe,
usually, probably and sometimes.

Rank the sentences below from most certain (1) to least certain (3). Write the numbers in
the boxes.

1 a Planting trees might add beauty and character to the school grounds.
b Planting trees will add beauty and character to the school grounds.

c Planting trees should add beauty and character to the school grounds.

2 a Perhaps we could plant some trees near the basketball court.

b We could probably plant some trees near the basketball court.

c We should definitely plant some trees near the basketball court.

Step 4: End with a strong conclusion

The conclusion is the final statement the speaker makes. It is their last chance to
impress the audience, so it should be as effective as possible.

1 Which conclusion is more likely to impress Angelo’s audience?

A I hope you will listen to my B I hope my arguments have

arguments and spend the money persuaded you that the $1000 should
on trees for the school grounds. We be spent on trees for the school grounds.
really need them. They help us and Not only will we be adding beauty and
the insects, birds and other animals. character to our school, but we will also
Please spend the money on buying be helping the environment. And we
trees for the school grounds. all want to live in a beautiful, healthy
environment, don’t we?

2 Now write a different conclusion for Angelo’s speech.

Unit 4 Exp ositions—sp eeches 41

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 41 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Angelo’s final draft. Read the comments about his speech on the left, and do the
tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
We need more trees!
Starting by Good morning, Ms Johnson and students.
acknowledging
the audience is a Imagine it is a really hot day. Where would you rather 1. Underline
polite thing to do. sit—on a bench in the blazing sun, or on the grass the general
statement of
beneath a shady tree? I am sure you would all choose view.
Engaging directly
with the audience the shady tree. This is one reason I think we should
helps get their spend the $1000 on trees for the school grounds, but
attention. there are others too.
Using connectives Firstly, trees have important health benefits. They 2. Circle three
links the arguments connectives.
help reduce greenhouse gases by absorbing carbon
and helps make the
writing flow. dioxide, and they produce oxygen, which we all need
to survive. Also, trees protect us from the harsh rays
of the sun. If we sit or play in their shade, we are less
likely to get burnt, and consequently will be less likely
to develop diseases such as skin cancer.
Using strong Secondly, trees are good for the environment. They 3. Underline
evidence to support a sentence
provide food and homes for a wide variety of birds,
arguments makes that provides
them more effective. insects and small mammals. These animals have great evidence of the
benefits for the environment. Birds, for example, help importance
of birds in the
with pest control by eating unwelcome visitors such
environment.
as mosquitoes. They also play a key role in pollination,
which is an important part of the life cycle of plants. If
we plant more trees, we will be helping the environment
by attracting more wildlife into the school grounds.
Using modal
verbs and In addition, trees cool the atmosphere by releasing 4. Circle two
adverbs shows connectives.
moisture into the air. In the hot summer months,
how certain the
speaker is of his therefore, more trees in the school grounds will not only
arguments. protect us from the sun, but will also help keep us cool.
Ending with a I hope my arguments have persuaded you that 5. Underline
conclusion that the $1000 should be spent on trees for the school the question.
repeats the point of
view and refers back grounds. Planting trees will not only add beauty
to the arguments is and character to our school, but it will also help the
an effective way to
environment. And you all want to live in a beautiful,
end the speech.
healthy environment, don’t you?

42 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 42 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Student B: Lien’s draft
Lien is also in Angelo’s class. She believes the $1000 the Year 5s have
raised should be spent on buying more books for the school library.

Before writing her speech, she also did some research to make sure she had strong arguments
and evidence to support her position. These are the rough notes she made of her findings.

value of books—not like internet—can read a book wherever we are—encourage

us to use our imaginations—contain lots of new words—contain reliable
information—prevent us from becoming bored—have to visualise people, places
and events—help us expand our vocabularies—publishers and editors check what
people write

Fill in the missing information below.

Argument Supporting evidence

1 Encourage us to use our

imaginations

2 Contain lots of new words

3 Contain reliable information

4 Can read a book wherever you are

Unit 4 Exp ositions—sp eeches 43

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 43 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Lien’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

I think we should spend the $1000 on more books

for the school library. These are some of the reasons.
Books encourage us to use our imaginations. We
can’t see the action taking place, so we have to
visualise it.
Books help us expand our vocabularies. Books
usually contain words we haven’t seen before, so by
reading books, we learn new words.
The information in books is more reliable than
information on the internet. This is because
publishers and editors check what people have
written.

1 Which of these features has Lien remembered to use in her draft? Tick (3) the correct
answers.

a an opening paragraph that contains the statement of position or

point of view, plus some background information

b a series of arguments that give reasons for the point of view

c strong, detailed evidence to support the arguments

d a conclusion that repeats the point of view and refers back to

the arguments
e thinking and feeling verbs

f modal verbs and adverbs

g present tense verbs throughout

h connectives to link arguments

2 Choose a thinking or feeling verb from the box to complete these sentences that Lien
could add to her speech.

imagine know believe

a I ______________ that books are the greatest friends we have.

b _______________ a world without books!

c I ______________ that if I have a book to read, I will never be lonely.

44 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 44 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Lien also needs to work on her speech to make it more interesting and convincing. Help her
complete these exercises to find ways to do this.

Step 1: Start with a good introduction

Use these phrases to construct a more interesting introduction for Lien’s speech.

I believe
raised $1000 dollars when I have given
my reasons
what to spend it on

resources for the schoo

l
h me The question is
will agree wit

Step 2: Link ideas with connectives

Lien’s speech will flow better if she uses connectives to link her arguments.

Underline the connective in brackets that correctly completes each sentence.

1 There are many things we could spend the $1000 on; (as long as/for instance), more
plants for the gardens, new pathways and more computers for the classrooms.
2 I believe, (however/then), that the money should be spent on new books for the school
library.
3 (In the first place/Apart from), when we read books, we have to use our imaginations.
4 Visualising the action encourages us to become more creative and, (nevertheless/
consequently), better thinkers and writers.
5 (Despite/Furthermore), reading books can help us expand our vocabularies.
6 (Finally/Until), the information in books is usually reliable.

Unit 4 Exp ositions—sp eeches 45

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 45 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step 3: Show certainty with modal verbs and adverbs
Lien can add authority to her arguments by including some modal verbs and adverbs.

Find a modal verb or adverb in the list to complete each of these sentences. The words in
brackets will help you choose the correct word.

surely perhaps may definitely might not must

1 We should ______________ buy more books for the library. (certain)

2 Having lots of new books in the library ______________ encourage some students to read
more. (uncertain)
3 Compared to the internet, you will ______________ agree that books contain more reliable
information. (certain)
4 We ______________ keep buying new books for the library if we want to keep it up to date.
(certain)
5 Some people ____________________ think that buying more books for the library is the best
way to spend the money. (uncertain)
6 ______________ if I tell you how important books are, you will agree with me. (uncertain)

Step 4: End with a good conclusion

1 Which conclusion is more likely to impress Lien’s audience?

A I hope that the arguments I have B Books help us in so many ways.

presented today will convince you that the We all want to be better readers,
$1000 should be spent on purchasing new thinkers and writers, don’t we? The
books for the library. I know that some only way to achieve this is to read
people would prefer to spend the money on more books. That’s why I vote for
new plants for the gardens, but as an old spending the $1000 on new books
Chinese proverb reminds us: a book is for the library!
like a garden in your pocket!

2 Now write a different conclusion for Lien’s speech.

46 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 46 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the final draft
Lien has started writing the final draft of her speech. Help her complete it by filling in the
missing sections, and then look in the answers section to compare what you have written with
what she wrote.

Hint! Look at the practice exercises for ideas.

Good morning, Ms Johnson and students.

The Year 5s have raised $1000 dollars to spend on resources for the school. The
question is—what should we spend it on? I believe we should use the money to buy new
books for the school library, and when I have given you my reasons, I am sure you will
agree with me.
Firstly, when we read books, we have to use our imaginations. Unlike movies and television
programs, books don’t show us what is happening—they tell us. (Expand on this argument by
explaining how books help us become more creative thinkers.)

In addition, reading books can help us expand our vocabularies. (Expand on this argument
by explaining how having a good vocabulary can benefit us.)

Finally, the information in books is usually reliable. (Expand on this argument by comparing
the information in books with information on the internet.)

Unit 4 Exp ositions—sp eeches 47

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 47 11/08/14 1:46 PM

I hope that the arguments I have presented today will convince you that the $1000
should be spent on purchasing new books for the library. I know that some people
would prefer to spend the money on new plants for the gardens, but as an old
Chinese proverb reminds us: a book is like having a garden in your pocket!

Your turn
Write an exposition of one to two pages on one of the following. Use your own paper for this
activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your exposition includes: 3

✹ an opening paragraph in which you state your position or point of view.
✹ a series of arguments that give reasons for your point of view.
✹ strong, detailed evidence to support the arguments.
✹ a conclusion that repeats the point of view and refers back to the arguments.
✹ thinking and feeling verbs.
✹ modal verbs and adverbs.
✹ present tense verbs.
✹ connectives to link arguments.
Use Angelo’s final draft on page 42 and Lien’s final draft on page 47 to help
Tip you write your exposition.

Go to WORD BANK page 135 for useful vocabulary

1 If your Year 5 group had raised $1000 for new resources for the school, what would you
like to see the money spent on?
Write a speech in which you give arguments to support your point of view. Use Angelo
and Lien’s speeches as models.
2 Write a speech in which you try to convince your classmates that eating and drinking
foods that contain lots of sugar—such as lollies, cakes and soft drinks—is unhealthy.
(You could argue that consuming too much sugar causes tooth decay, obesity and diseases such
as diabetes.)
3 Write a letter to your local council complaining about the number of new high-rise
buildings they are planning to construct in your suburb. Start your letter like this—
Dear Mr Mayor
My family and I are worried about the number of high-rises you are planning to build in.
(Give your suburb a name.) In the local newspaper it states that some of these buildings could
be up to 20 storeys high! We strongly believe that these high-rise developments will do our
suburb more harm than good, for the following reasons. (You could argue that the high-rises
will block out the sun for people living in houses, and that lots more people will come to live in your
suburb, making it more crowded and leading to an increase in traffic and pollution in the area.)

4 Convince your parents that you need your own computer or tablet. Present your
arguments in a letter.

48 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U4.indd 48 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Unit 5 Information reports

Looking at information reports

An information report provides factual information about a subject or topic. It usually
describes a class or group of things, such as a type of animal, but sometimes it is about one
thing only, such as a country.

Information reports can be about:

✹ plants and animals.
✹ technology (e.g. computers and motor cars).
✹ people, countries and cultures.

An information report should have:

✹ an opening statement that gives a brief definition or description of the subject,

perhaps defining or classifying it.
✹ a series of paragraphs that give a more detailed description of the subject.
✹ a conclusion that rounds off the report.

Hint! Diagrams or charts may be included to support the text.

1 Tick (3) the sentences that could be from an information report.

a Rainforests occur mainly along the east coast of Australia.

b We spent an interesting day walking through the rainforest.

c I can’t imagine leaving home without my mobile phone!

d Mobile phones can also be used to send and receive text messages.

e Torres Strait Islanders are the indigenous people of the Torres Strait Islands,
which are part of Queensland, Australia.

f I have never been to the Torres Strait Islands, but that’s where my friend
comes from.
2 Which of these is more likely to be the opening sentence of an information report?

a b
When mother penguins Penguin
s are a
lose a chick, they group o
f aquati
sometimes try to steal flightles c,
s birds.
another mother’s
chick.

Unit 5 I nformation rep or ts 49

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 49 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Student A: Arnon’s draft
Arnon’s Year 5 class is learning about the climatic regions of Australia.
They have to write an information report about an animal that is found in one of the
climatic zones. Arnon is going to write about the southern cassowary, which is found in the
rainforests of northern Australia. First, Arnon researched the southern cassowary. He collected
photographs of the bird and jotted down facts about its appearance, diet, behaviour, and so on.

Ratites—flightless birds
—includes emus, ostriches Face, neck— Male weighs about 35 kg
and cassowaries bright blue —females 50–60 kg
Nape 1.5–1.8 m tall—second
Found in tropical largest bird on Earth
rainforests of northern after the ostrich
Australia, Indonesia
and New Guinea
Stiff, glossy
black plumage
Casque—
a horn-like helmet
—brown—13–17cm
Beak 10–19 cm long

Two red wattles—18 cm Thick legs—

powerful

Sharp, dagger-like claws on Eats:

inner toe (up to 8 cm long) —fruit and fungi on
—can kill a large animal forest floor
—insects, small animals
—can eat fruits that are
Importance—disperse seeds toxic to other animals
of hundreds of different Breed from May–Nov—male
rainforest plants—maintain builds nest on forest floor—
biodiversity of rainforests 5–10 cm thick and 100 cm wide
Female lays 3–6 eggs—male sits
on them for 8 weeks—he looks
after chicks for about 9 months Chicks—cream
with brown stripes

1 Help Arnon organise his information by writing key words and phrases next to these
headings.

Appearance: ___________________________________________________________________________

Size: ____________________________________________________________________________________

Diet: ___________________________________________________________________________________

Breeding: _______________________________________________________________________________

2 Suggest two ways in which the southern cassowary might defend itself.

50 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 50 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Arnon’s first draft. Read what he wrote and then answer the questions.

The Southern Cassowary

The southern cassowary is a large bird. I think it is the most fascinating bird in Australia.
Its feathers are black and its face is blue. Two red folds of skin hang from its throat. It has
a helmet on its head and quite a long beak.
The southern cassowary has thick legs and feet. It has a claw on one of its toes. It uses
the claw to defend itself. It’s also got a strong kick.
The female cassowary is usually heavier than the male.
The southern cassowary eats fruit, fungi, insects and other small animals.
The male builds the nest. He sits on the eggs until they hatch and then he looks after the
chicks. I think it’s unfair that the female makes the male do all the work.
The southern cassowary is found in the tropical rainforests of northern Australia,
Indonesia and New Guinea. I think I’d like to go to a rainforest to see one.
Southern cassowaries are important because they help spread the seeds of hundreds of
different plants around the rainforest.

1 A good information report should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones
that Arnon has used.

a an opening statement that contains a classification, definition or

brief description of the subject

b a detailed description of the subject presented in a series of paragraphs

c a conclusion that rounds off the report

d well-structured paragraphs that contain a topic sentence or heading

that tells the reader what the paragraph is about (e.g. The southern cassowary
eats a varied diet.)

e only facts, not opinions

f technical language (e.g. plumage, wattles)

g present tense verbs (e.g. is, are, has)

h sentences with correct spelling and punctuation

2 List seven adjectives that Arnon has used in the first two paragraphs of his draft.

Step-by-step improvement plan

Arnon’s report is fairly informative and interesting, but there are a number of ways in which
he can improve his draft. The following exercises contain tips on how he can do this. Help
him complete them.

Unit 5 I nformation rep or ts 51

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 51 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step 1: Start with a good opening statement

The opening statement is the first paragraph of the report. It should contain enough
information about the topic to make the reader want to find out more, without being
too long.

Arnon’s opening statement does not include enough information about the southern
cassowary to make the reader want to find out more about the bird. It also contains an
unnecessary opinion.

Use the information in Arnon’s notes to write a better opening statement for his report.
Make sure you include the words ratite, flightless, ostriches and emus.

Step 2: Use topic sentences to write well-structured paragraphs

A topic sentence is a sentence that contains the main idea of a paragraph. The other
sentences in the paragraph should relate to the topic sentence in some way. The topic
sentence usually appears at the beginning of the paragraph.

Using a topic sentence lets the reader know what the paragraph is about. It also helps
structure the paragraph.

Arnon’s paragraphs lack structure because they do not contain topic sentences.

1 Tick (3) the sentence that would make a good topic sentence for the paragraph about the

a appearance of the southern cassowary.

i The southern cassowary has a distinctive appearance.

ii The southern cassowary is black, blue and red.

b way the cassowary defends itself.

i The cassowary has powerful legs and a sharp claw.

ii The cassowary has two main weapons with which to defend itself.

2 Now write a topic sentence for the paragraph about the

a size of the cassowary. ________________________________________________________________

b breeding habits of the cassowary. ____________________________________________________

52 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 52 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step 3: Use technical language

Technical language is language that is specific to a particular subject.

For example: Ratite is a word that relates specifically to flightless birds like the southern
cassowary.

Using technical language in an information report makes it sound more formal and
authoritative. It also helps build information about the subject.

Use Arnon’s notes to construct a sentence with each of these technical words that relate
specifically to the southern cassowary.
1 wattles: ________________________________________________________________________________

2 casque: ________________________________________________________________________________

Step 4: State facts, not opinions

A fact is something that can be proved to be true.

For example: Most birds can fly.

An opinion is a personal view that may or may not be true.

For example: All baby birds are ugly.

An information report should contain only facts, not opinions.

1 Which sentence is an opinion? Tick (3) the correct answer.

a The southern cassowary is a large, flightless bird.

b The southern cassowary is the most beautiful bird in the rainforest.

2 Underline all the opinions that Arnon has expressed in his draft.
3 Now write a good sentence about the southern cassowary with each of the following
words. Your sentences must be facts, not opinions. Use Arnon’s notes to help you.

Note: you need to write different sentences from the ones Arnon has used in his draft.

For example: plumage—The southern cassowary is covered in stiff, glossy black plumage.

a claw ________________________________________________________________________________

b fruits _______________________________________________________________________________

c nest ________________________________________________________________________________

Unit 5 I nformation rep or ts 53

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 53 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Arnon’s final draft. Read the comments about his report on the left, and do the
tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
The Southern Cassowary
Starting with a The southern cassowary belongs to the ratite group of birds. 1. Underline the
good opening Ratites are large, flightless birds that include ostriches and emus. technical word
statement engages that relates
the reader’s interest The southern cassowary has a distinctive appearance. Its specifically to
and makes them want body is covered in stiff, glossy black plumage (feathers) and flightless birds.
to find out more. its face and neck are a bright blue with red colouring at the 2. Underline the
nape. Two red wattles (fleshy folds of skin), each measuring topic sentence.
between 17 and 18 cm, hang from its throat. On top of its
Starting a paragraph head is a brown, horn-like helmet called a casque, which can
with a topic be anywhere from 13 to 17 cm high.
sentence helps
give structure to a The southern cassowary’s main weapons are its thick legs 3. Circle the
paragraph and tells and feet. Each foot has three toes, with a sharp, dagger-like adjectives
the reader what the that describe
claw on the inner toe. The claws can be up to 8 cm long and
paragraph is about. the southern
are capable of killing large animals. The southern cassowary cassowary’s
also has a very powerful kick. claw.
The southern cassowary is the second-largest bird on Earth 4. Underline
after the ostrich. The female cassowary is generally heavier a fact about
the height of
Using technical than the male, weighing in at between 50 and 60 kg, while
a southern
language the male weighs on average 35 kg. Cassowaries are anywhere cassowary.
adds important
from 1.5 to 1.8 m tall.
information and
makes the writing The southern cassowary eats a varied diet. It feeds on fruit 5. Circle four
sound formal and that it finds on the forest floor, fungi (such as mushrooms), adjectives.
authoritative.
insects and other small animals. The cassowary can safely eat
fruits that are toxic (poisonous) to other animals.
Southern cassowaries breed between May and November. 6. Underline the
Using facts, not It is the male’s job to build the nest. He uses plant material topic sentence.
opinions, gives to construct a soft bed that is about 5 to 10 cm thick and up
the reader reliable
to 100 cm wide. The female lays three to six eggs and the
information about
southern cassowaries. male sits on them for about eight weeks until they hatch. The
chicks, which are cream with brown stripes, stay with the male
for nine months.
The southern cassowary is found in the tropical rainforests 7. Circle the
of northern Australia, Indonesia and New Guinea. proper nouns.
The conclusion
rounds off the Cassowaries are responsible for dispersing the seeds of 8. Underline
report with a final three abstract
hundreds of different rainforest plants. These birds therefore
statement about the nouns.
importance of the play an important role in maintaining the biodiversity of our
southern cassowary. tropical rainforests.

54 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 54 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Student B: Sabita’s draft
Sabita, another Year 5 student, is going to write an information report
about the Greengrocer cicada, which is found in the temperate region of Australia’s east coast,
between southern Queensland and Victoria and South Australia.

Sabita also started by collecting photographs and information about the insect.

Transparent wings— A cicada shedding its

Two prominent eyes Greengrocer cicada—found
supported by veins- skin for the last time
—set wide apart in urban areas, forests,
wingspan 11–13 cm
woodlands,from southern
Queensland to Victoria and
Feed on sap from South Australia
tree roots, using
proboscis to suck
it up 220 species identified
in Australia

Pair of small,
Symbol of rebirth Stout green body- bristle-like antennae
in many ancient often fades to yellow
cultures Tymbal Nymph stage—nymphs
very small—look like the
adults—burrow into
Cicadas found on Tympanum ground using forelegs—
every continent live underground for
except Antarctica Tymbal 6–7 years—regularly
muscles shed skins

Male cicada’s call is very

loud (above 120 decibels) to Egg stage—Female lays
attract females—produce several hundred eggs Adult stage—fully grown
noise by continually in little slits in bark of nymphs dig their way out
contracting and relaxing trees—about 12 eggs of soil—climb a tree—live
muscles in tymbals—can be per slit—hatch after for six weeks
heard Nov–Dec many weeks

1 Help Sabita organise the information about the cicada’s life cycle by writing key words
in the boxes.
Life cycle of the Greengrocer cicada

Egg stage Nymph stage Adult stage

__

2 In which season can the cicada’s shrill call be heard?

Unit 5 I nformation rep or ts 55

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 55 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Sabita’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

The Greengrocer cicada

Introduction: The Greengrocer cicada is a small insect with a very loud call.
Appearance: It has a small, green body, six legs and two pairs of wings. It has
quite big eyes. I think they look scary. Greengrocer cicadas live on the eastern
side of Australia in cities and towns, forests and woodlands. They suck the sap
from the stems of plants.
Life cycle: When the eggs hatch, the babies burrow their way into the ground.
They live underground for six or seven years. When they are fully grown, they
come to the surface again. The adult males use muscles in their bodies to make
their loud, shrill call. They do it to attract females.
Greengrocer cicadas are harmless to humans because they don’t bite or sting. I
think that their call could harm our ears though. It is very loud!

1 Which of these features has Sabita remembered to use in her draft? Tick (3) the correct
answers.

a an opening statement that contains a classification, definition or

brief description of the subject

b a detailed description of the subject presented as a series of paragraphs

c a conclusion that rounds off the report in a factual way

d well-structured paragraphs that contain a topic sentence or heading

that tells the reader what the paragraph is about

e only facts, not opinions

f technical language

g present tense verbs

2 Write a sentence that Sabita could add about the following topics.

a the wings of the Greengrocer cicada

b the number of cicada species identified in Australia

56 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 56 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Sabita clearly needs to do some work on her draft to turn it into an interesting information
report. She is going to do some practice exercises to find ideas on how to do this. Help her
complete them.

Step 1: Start with a good opening statement

Like Arnon’s opening statement, Sabita’s does not contain enough information to engage the
reader’s interest. Rewrite her introduction and add two more sentences. Use the information
in her notes to help you.

Step 2: Write well-structured paragraphs

The information in Sabita’s paragraphs is not always about the topic indicated by her
heading.

For example: in the paragraph about the cicada’s appearance, Sabita has included
information that has nothing to do with the way it looks.
1 Read Sabita’s draft again and underline the two sentences that do not belong under the
heading Appearance.
2 Write 1 to 2 sentences for each of the following headings that Sabita could use in her
report. Use her notes to help you find the information.

Habitat: _______________________________________________________________________________

Feeding: _______________________________________________________________________________

Unit 5 I nformation rep or ts 57

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 57 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Step 3: Use technical language
By adding technical language to her report, Sabita will be able to build information and
make her report sound more authoritative.
1 Replace each of the words below with a more technical term from the box.

nymphs abdomens antennae

a feelers b babies c bodies __

2 Now use Sabita’s notes to help you make a sentence with each of the new words.

a nymphs ____________________________________________________________________________

b abdomens __________________________________________________________________________

c antennae ___________________________________________________________________________

Step 4: State facts, not opinions

1 Like Arnon, Sabita has made the mistake of adding personal opinions to her report.
Find them in her draft and underline them.
2 Which of these sentences is Sabita’s opinion about the Greengrocer cicada’s call?
Tick (3) the correct answer.

a The Greengrocer cicada makes a loud, high-pitched call.

b The Greengrocer cicada has the worst insect call I have ever heard.
3 Use the labelled diagram from Sabita’s notes (page 56) to write a paragraph about
how the male Greengrocer cicada makes its loud, high-pitched call. Do not include any
opinions in your description. Your paragraph should include the words organs, tymbals,
abdomens, muscles, contracting and relaxing.

58 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 58 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Writing the final draft
Sabita has started writing the final draft of her information report. Help her complete it
and then look in the answers section to compare what you have written with what she wrote.

Hint! Look at the practice exercises and Sabita’s notes for ideas.

The Greengrocer cicada

The cicada is a small insect that is found on every continent except Antarctica. In Latin its
name means tree cricket. The Greengrocer cicada, which is one of the loudest insects in the
world, is just one of the 220 species of cicada that have been identified in Australia.
Appearance

Habitat and Distribution

The Greengrocer cicada lives in urban areas, forests and woodlands along the eastern side of
Australia between southern Queensland and Victoria and South Australia.
Feeding

Life cycle
Egg stage: After mating, the female lays several hundred eggs in little slits that she makes
in the bark of trees. She deposits about twelve eggs in each slit. After many weeks, the eggs
hatch and the nymphs emerge.
Nymph stage: The nymphs are very small, but have the same appearance as adult cicadas.
They drop to the ground and, using their large forelegs, burrow into the earth. They use
the sharp, needle-like projections at the top of their heads to suck the sap from the roots
of trees. They continue to grow underground for a period of between six and seven years,
regularly shedding their skins.
Adult stage: When the nymph is fully grown, it digs its way out of the soil and climbs onto
a tree trunk. Here it sheds its skin for the last time. It lives for about six weeks on the
surface, during which time it mates and lays its eggs for the cycle to start again.
Communication

Unit 5 I nformation rep or ts 59

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 59 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Interesting facts
Cicadas are harmless to humans as they do not bite or sting. In ancient times they were
condidered to be a symbol of rebirth because of the way they emerged from the soil.

Your turn
Write an information report of one to two pages on one of the following. Use your own
paper for this activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your information report includes: 3

✹ an opening statement that contains a classification, definition or brief
description of the subject.
✹ a detailed description of the subject presented as a series of paragraphs.
✹ a conclusion that rounds off the report.
✹ well-structured paragraphs that contain a topic sentence or heading that
tells the reader what the paragraph is about.
✹ facts, not opinions.
✹ technical language.
✹ present tense verbs.
✹ sentences that have the correct spelling and punctuation.
Use Arnon’s final draft on page 54 and Sabita’s final draft on page 59 to help
Tip you write your report.

Go to WORD BANK page 135 for useful vocabulary

1 Research an animal that is native to Australia and then write your findings as an
information report. Use Arnon and Sabita’s reports as models.
2 Use the information below plus your own research notes to write a report about the
platypus.
Platypus
looks like a cross between an otter, beaver and duck—good swimmer a mammal—but
it lays eggs
short, dark brown (monotreme)
eats small crustaceans, fur—very thick
larvae and worms on
bottom of stream ear slits found in
poisoned spur freshwater lakes
on male’s and streams of
ankle—can kill eastern Australia
eyes
stores food in an animal the and Tasmania
cheeks—eats on size of a dog
land—no teeth nostrils
males—50 cm long
females—45 cm long
five toes
on each
blue-grey bill foot cannot breathe
lives in furry tail underwater—has to
—rubbery (looks
burrows near webbed feet come up for air after
like a duck’s bill)
water’s edge no hair about 2 minutes

60 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U5.indd 60 11/08/14 1:46 PM

Unit 6 Procedures—video
presentations

Looking at procedures
A procedure is a factual text. It gives instructions on how to make or do something.

Texts such as recipes, science experiments and manuals on how to play a game or put together
a model are examples of procedures.

The main purpose of a procedure is to provide sequenced information or directions so

that people can perform a task safely and efficiently.

A procedure should have:

✹ an opening statement that tells what the aim or purpose of the procedure is.
✹ a list of the ingredients, materials or equipment that will be needed.
✹ a series of steps or instructions, given in the correct order.
✹ a concluding statement or comment to wrap up the procedure.
(This is not always necessary.)

Hint! Photographs, drawings or diagrams are often included to support the text.

Which of the following could be written as a procedure?

1
Tick (3) the correct answer.

a telling about a movie you have seen

b explaining how to make a salad sandwich

c thanking someone for a gift

d giving directions on how to get from one place to another

e warning about the dangers of smoking

2 Which of the texts below is a procedure? Tick (3) the correct answer.

a b

Spread glue on the back of I thought the card would

the card. Position the card in look perfect in the centre of
the centre of the page. Stick it the page. All I needed was
down firmly. some glue.

Unit 6 Pro cedures—video presentations 61

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 61 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Student A: Livia’s draft
Livia’s Year 5 class are reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.
Each group in the class has to make something that relates to the novel in some way. They
are going to make a video of the procedure to show the class afterwards. Livia’s group is going
to make a shadow puppet theatre with shadow puppets that look like the characters from the
novel. Livia is going to write the procedure that gives instructions on how to do this.

Before she gets started, Livia organises her information by drawing some diagrams and
making notes.

open flaps trim 1 sheet of

tissue paper
50 30 cm

medium-
sized box
picture of
wooden character
remove back panel
skewer

masking
pull out flaps tape

bedside lamp/torch
cut out
front panel

tape tissue
paper to cut-out decorate

1 Write down all the nouns that Livia has used in her notes.

2 Write down all the verbs that Livia has used in her notes.

62 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 62 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Livia’s first draft. Read what she wrote and then answer the questions.

Materials needed: 1 cardboard box (50 × 30 cm), scissors, white tissue paper, masking
tape, lamp, pictures of characters, black craft paper, wooden skewers, glue
Steps:
You must cut off the top and back of the box and cut out a section in the front for a screen.
If you pull out the two side flaps you can make the box stand.
You can use tissue paper for a screen.
You can find pictures of the characters on the internet. Just trace them or stick them
onto the craft paper and cut them out. It is easy to hold them if you stick them onto
skewers. The lamp goes behind the box.

1 A good procedure should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones that Livia
has used.
a an opening statement that includes the aim or purpose of the procedure
b a list of the ingredients or materials that will be needed
c a clear series of steps, or instructions, given in the correct order
d a concluding statement or comment that wraps up the procedure
e sentences that start with action verbs (e.g. Remove the top flaps, Trim a
piece of tissue paper to fit the screen)
f connectives that show sequence (e.g. first, after that); sequence can also
be shown by numbering the steps
g adverbs and adverbial phrases that tell how, where and when an action
is performed (e.g. Cut carefully, Turn the box on its side)
h detailed instructions that are clearly expressed
i sentences with correct punctuation and spelling

2 Livia has used some adverbial phrases in her draft.

Reminder! Adverbial phrases usually start with a preposition.

For example: on its side.

Read Livia’s draft again and underline the adverbial phrase that tells where:
a you should cut out a section for a screen. c you can stick the pictures.
b you can find pictures of the characters. d the lamp goes.

Step-by-step improvement plan

There are a number of areas Livia needs to work on to improve her draft. She is going to do
some practice exercises to find ways to do this. Help her complete them.

Unit 6 Pro cedures—video presentations 63

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 63 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Step 1: Start with an interesting opening statement

The opening statement is the introduction. Its main purpose is to state as clearly as
possible the aim of the procedure.

Hint! Most procedures do not use words to capture the reader’s attention. In some
cases, however, attention-grabbing words can add interest to the introduction.

Livia’s draft does not have an opening statement, so she has asked the other members in her
group for their ideas on what it should contain. This is what they had to say.

I think we should say I think it’s I think we should

something about how using important to mention add something about
a shadow puppet theatre and that we are going to how easy it is to make a
shadow puppets to act out show everyone how to shadow puppet theatre
scenes from the novel can make a shadow puppet and shadow puppets.
help bring the characters theatre and shadow
to life. puppets.

Ruben Cindy Danny

Now put the group’s ideas together to create an opening statement for Livia’s procedure.

Step 2: Start sentences with action verbs

Action verbs tell what is to be done (e.g. find, cut, draw). Placing the action verb at
the beginning of the sentence emphasises the action, making the instruction easier to
understand.

Livia’s instructions are clumsy and difficult to follow because she has used the pronoun you
in front of the action verb.

Write sentences for Livia’s procedure that start with these action verbs.
1 Remove ______________________________________________________________________________
2 Turn __________________________________________________________________________________
3 Tape __________________________________________________________________________________
4 Decorate _______________________________________________________________________________

64 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 64 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Step 3: Use connectives to sequence information

Connectives show the sequence of events or actions to be performed. In a procedure in

which the steps are not numbered, connectives create a smooth link from one instruction
to the next.

If you are using connectives, they should come before the action verb at the beginning of
the sentence.

For example: First remove the top flaps.

Livia has not numbered her steps, nor has she used connectives to link the instructions.

Use a connective from the box to link the instructions below so that the sequence is clear.

After that Finally Eventually First

Next Meanwhile Before Then

1 ______________ , look for pictures of the characters on the internet.

2 ______________ , trace them onto black craft paper.
3 ______________ , cut out the figures, making sure you get into the corners.
4 ______________ , tape the figures onto wooden skewers.

Step 4: End with a good concluding statement

The concluding statement should wrap up the procedure in some way; for example,
at the end of a recipe the concluding statement might be: This delicious dessert will have
everyone coming back for seconds.

Livia’s draft does not contain a concluding statement, so once again, she has asked the other
members in her group for ideas.

Ruben—I think we should say something about the hours of fun people can have with a shadow
puppet theatre.

Cindy—Perhaps we can say something like: “Let the show begin!”

Danny—I think it’s important to remind people how easy it is to make.

What do you think Livia should say in her concluding statement?

Unit 6 Pro cedures—video presentations 65

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 65 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Livia’s final draft. Read the comments about her procedure on the left, and do the
tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
How to make a shadow
puppet theatre
Starting with Acting out scenes from the novel using a shadow 1. Underline
an interesting puppet theatre and shadow puppets is a great the sentence
opening that is most
statement way to make the characters come to life. Making likely to capture
gets the viewer’s a shadow puppet theatre is really easy. Just follow the viewer’s
attention and lets attention.
these simple steps.
them know exactly
what you are going Materials needed: 1 cardboard box (50 × 30 cm),
to do.
scissors, white tissue paper, masking tape, lamp,
pictures of characters, black craft paper, wooden
skewers, glue
Steps:
Starting sentences First, remove the top flaps and back panel from a 2. Underline
with action verbs medium sized cardboard box. You can use scissors to the time
emphasises the connective.
action, making do this.
the instruction
clearer and easier to
Next, turn the box over and pull out the side flaps 3. Circle three
so that the box stands securely. action verbs.
understand.

Using time Then, cut out a section for the screen at the front 4. Underline
connectives of the box. the time
helps sequence the connective.
information and Cut and trim a piece of tissue paper and tape it to 5. Circle four
makes the instructions action verbs.
easier to follow.
the inside of the box so that it covers the screen.
Using adverbs Meanwhile, find pictures of the characters from 6. Underline
and adverbial the novel on the internet and print them out. the adverbial
phrases adds phrase that
important details Trace the pictures onto black craft paper and cut tells where to
about how, where find the pictures.
or when an
them out carefully.
action should be Finally, tape the pictures onto wooden skewers so 7. Circle the time
performed.
that they are easy to hold. connective.

When you are ready to present your play, plug in 8. Underline

the lamp and position it so that the light shines in the adverbial
Adding the
phrase that
concluding through the back of the box. tells where the
statement wraps
light shines in.
up the procedure. Let the show begin!

66 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 66 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Student B: Lucas’s draft
Lucas’s group likes the idea of Professor Snape’s polyjuice potion,
which, if you drink it, can make you look like somebody else. They are going to show the
class how to make the polyjuice potion, and Lucas is going to write the procedure to go
with their video.

Like Livia, Lucas starts by organising his information with drawings and notes.

apple juice (1 cup)

canned pineapple
(2 halves)
4 tbsp juice

ginger ale (1 cup)

mix in blender

sweeten with
honey (2 tbsp)

blue food colouring

green teaspoon
tea bags

tablespoon

1 Write down all the compound nouns that Lucas has used in his notes. Remember that
a compound noun is a noun that consists of two or more words.

2 Write down the verbs that Lucas has used.

Unit 6 Pro cedures—video presentations 67

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 67 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Lucas’s first draft. Read it and then answer the questions.

Recipe for polyjuice potion

Ingredients: apple juice, canned pineapples, ginger ale,
blue food colouring, 2 green tea bags, hot water, honey
Equipment: cup, teaspoon, tablespoon, safety knife,
blender, 2 plastic bowls
Method: You must mix together a cup of apple juice,
a cup of ginger ale and 3 tablespoons of green tea
solution. You can make the green tea solution by
soaking the 2 green tea bags in 1 cup of hot water and
sweetening it with 2 tablespoons of honey. The other
ingredients that you must add to the mixture are 2 halved
pineapple slices, 1 drop of blue food colouring and
4 tablespoons of pineapple juice. You can make it all
smooth in a blender.

1 Which of these things has Lucas remembered to include in his draft? Tick (3) the correct
answers.

a an interesting opening statement that includes the aim or purpose of

the procedure

b a list of the ingredients or materials that will be needed

c a clear series of steps, or instructions, given in the correct order

d a concluding statement or comment that wraps up the procedure

e sentences that start with action verbs

f connectives or numbers to show the order in which the actions should

be done

g adverbs and adverbial phrases that tell how, where and when an action
is performed

h detailed instructions that are clearly expressed

2 Like Livia, Lucas has used adverbial phrases to add detail to his sentences.
Highlight the adverbial phrase that tells the following.

a where you should soak the green tea bags

b how the green tea solution can be sweetened

c where you can make the potion smooth

68 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 68 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Lucas is also going to do some practice exercises to turn his draft into a well-structured, clearly
expressed procedure. Help him complete them.

Step 1: Start with an opening statement

Lucas’s draft does not contain an opening statement, so, like Livia, he has turned to the other
members of his group for help. They have decided that asking a question and then answering
it would be a good way to start.

Complete this opening statement that Lucas’s group is working on.

Would you like _________________? Well, _

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

______. Just follow these simple instructions to create _

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Step 2: Start sentences with action verbs

Lucas has also used the pronoun you in front of the action verbs.

Write the instruction that might go with each of the following pictures. Remember to start
each sentence with an action verb.
a
_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

b
_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________
c
_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Unit 6 Pro cedures—video presentations 69

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 69 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Step 3: Use connectives to sequence information
Lucas has also decided not to use numbers to sequence the instructions, so he will have to use
some connectives to make his procedure easier to follow.

Start each of these sentences with a suitable connective and complete them with the correct
detail. Use Lucas’s draft to help you.
1 ______________ , soak 2 tea bags in _____________________________________________________ .
2 ______________ , sweeten the tea with ___________________________________________________ .
3 ______________ , pour a cup of apple juice and a cup of ginger ale into a plastic bowl.
4 Stir well.
5 ______________ , add 2 halved pineapple slices to a blender, followed by 4 tablespoons
______________________________________________________________________________________ .
6 Blend until ___________________________________________________________________________ .
7 ______________ , combine all the ingredients in a large plastic bowl.

Step 4: End with a good concluding statement

Lucas’s draft does not contain a concluding statement so, like Livia, he has asked the other
members of his group for ideas.

Perhaps we should end I think we Well, I would find it quite

with a warning about should say something scary if I suddenly looked
keeping it out of reach of about storing it in like someone else. Maybe
little children. It could be a glass bottle in the we should say something
dangerous for them to fridge. like: “Be prepared for a
take the polyjuice potion. shocking sensation!”

Gina George Delia

What do you think Lucas should say in his concluding statement? Put together your ideas with
those of the group and write a good concluding statement for Lucas’s procedure.

70 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 70 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Writing the final draft
Lucas has started writing the final draft of his procedure. Help him complete it, and then
look in the answers section to compare what you have written with what Lucas wrote.

Hint! Look at Lucas’s notes and the practice exercises for ideas.

Introduction:

Ingredients: apple juice, canned pineapples, ginger ale, blue food colouring,
2 green tea bags, hot water, honey
Equipment: cup, teaspoon, tablespoon, safety knife, blender, 2 plastic bowls
Method:

Unit 6 Pro cedures—video presentations 71

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 71 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Conclusion:

Your turn
Write a procedure of one to two pages on one of the following. Use your own paper for this
activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your procedure includes: 3

✹ an interesting opening statement that includes the aim or purpose of the
procedure.
✹ a list of the ingredients or materials that will be needed.
✹ a clear series of steps, or instructions, given in the correct order.
✹ a concluding statement or comment that wraps up the procedure.
✹ sentences that start with action verbs.
✹ connectives or numbers to show the order in which the actions should be done.
✹ adverbs and adverbial phrases that tell how, where and when an action is
performed.
Use Livia’s final draft on page 66 and Lucas’s final draft on page 71 to help
Tip you write your procedure.

Go to WORD BANK page 135 for useful vocabulary

white fabric 10 10 cm square
foam ball
1 Write a procedure that tells
coloured marker
how to make something
that is related to a novel
rubber
you have read or are band
reading. Use Livia and draw face
Lucas’s procedures as
stick strands
models. of wool
2 Use these diagrams and
secured at
notes to help you write a neck with
procedure that tells how square of rubber band
the puppet is made. fabric
draped over
foam ball wool

72 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U6.indd 72 11/08/14 1:47 PM

Unit 7 Poetry—ballads

Looking at ballads
A ballad is a poem that tells a story. It has a regular rhythm, or beat, and a definite rhyme
pattern.

Long ago ballads told stories based on folk tales and legends. They were often set to music and
performed by singers called minstrels. At a time when very few people could read, they were a
way of passing down local tales from one generation to the next.

A ballad should

✹ tell a story.
✹ be divided into stanzas, or verses, usually consisting of four lines each.
✹ follow a pattern in which the last word in lines 2 and 4 rhyme.
✹ have a regular rhythm, with three stressed syllables in each line.
✹ repeat certain lines.

Hint! While not all ballads stick to this formula, they all tell a story and they all have
a strong rhythm and rhyme scheme.

1 Which of the following verses has the stronger rhythm? Tick (3) the correct answer.

Hint! Clapping your hands as you read the words will help you find the answer!

a b

A raindrop landed
Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
On a little leaf
In the forests of the night,
On which fed a caterpilla
What immortal hand or eye r.
He continued feeding un
Could frame thy fearful symmetry? perturbed.

2 Which of the following verses is more likely to be from a ballad? Tick (3) the correct
answer.
a b
The lamps now glitter down the street; ed him Noisy Ned,
Faintly sound the falling feet; The shearers christen
Waters”,
And the blue even slowly falls With an alias “Silent
word he said
About the garden trees and walls. But never a needless
rers’ quarters.
In the hut or the shea

Unit 7 B allads 73

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 73 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Student A: Marco’s draft
Marco’s Year 5 class have to write the first two stanzas of a ballad,
using Henry Lawson’s poem, ‘Ballad of the Drover’, as a pattern.

To get the feel of a ballad, Marco carefully studied the first four stanzas from Lawson’s poem.

1 Across the stony ridges, 2 Up Queensland way with cattle

Across the rolling plain, He’s travelled regions vast,
Young Harry Dale, the drover, And many months have vanished
Comes riding home again. Since home-folks saw him last.
And well his stock-horse bears him, He hums a song of someone
And light of heart is he, He hopes to marry soon;
And stoutly his old packhorse And hobble-chains and camp-ware
Is trotting by his knee. Keep jingling to the tune.

3 Beyond the hazy dado 4 An hour has filled the heavens

Against the lower skies With storm-clouds inky black;
And yon blue line of ranges At times the lightning trickles
The station homestead lies. Around the drover’s track;
And thitherward the drover But Harry pushes onward,
Jogs through the lazy noon, His horses’ strength he tries,
While hobble-chains and camp-ware In hope to reach the river
Are jingling to a tune. Before the flood shall rise.

1 Instead of four lines per stanza, Lawson has used eight. Which lines rhyme in each
stanza? Tick (3) the correct answer.

a 2 and 4; 5 and 6

b 1 and 3; 5 and 7

c 2 and 4; 6 and 8
2 The stressed syllables in these lines from the poem have been underlined. How many
syllables are stressed in each one?

a Be-yond the ha-zy da-do ______________________________

b A-gainst the low-er skies ______________________________

3 Now underline the syllables that should be stressed in these lines from the poem.

Hint! Read the lines out loud.

a A-cross the sto-ny ri-dges

b Comes ri-ding home a-gain

c Up Queens-land way with cat-tle

d And hob-ble-chains and camp-ware

4 Highlight the lines that are repeated in Lawson’s poem.

74 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 74 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Marco’s first attempt at writing his own ballad. Read what he wrote and then
answer the questions.

Ballad of the Surfer

Across the embankment, When he reaches the water,
Across the sand, It goes around his toes,
There goes Ollie Smith the surfer, And as if by magic,
He’s going to ride the waves. He forgets all his worries.
He is carrying his longboard, He swims through the breakers,
While looking at the waves. And sings a song,
He can’t wait for the thrill And he lies on his longboard,
Of riding one home. And waits for a wave.

1 A good ballad should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones that Marco has
included.

a someone’s story

b a regular rhyme pattern

c a strong, regular beat or rhythm

d interesting adjectives (e.g. strong, tanned)

e descriptive verbs (e.g. strides, swoops)

f stanzas and lines that have the correct spelling

2 a What is the setting for Marco’s poem? _______________________________________________

b Who is the main character in Marco’s poem?_________________________________________

c Tell what the main character is doing in one sentence. _______________________________

Step-by-step improvement plan

Marco has written only a bare outline of a ballad. There are a number of features that he
can add to it to turn it into a good, interesting poem. He is going to do some practice exercises
to find ways to do this. Help him complete them.

Unit 7 B allads 75

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 75 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Step 1: Add interesting adjectives

Adjectives give information about nouns. For example: rough water, calm water.

Not only do adjectives add colour and interest to our writing, but they also help the reader
form a vivid mental image of the person, place or thing being written about.

Marco can add colour and interest to his ballad by using good adjectives to describe some of
the nouns he has used.
1 Find three adjectives in the box to describe each of the nouns below.

tall joyful little tanned green

crashing soft young rolling happy
grassed sloping white damp swelling

a embankment __

b sand __

c Ollie Smith __

d waves __

e song __

Step 2: Add descriptive verbs

A verb tells what happens and when it happens. Some verbs are more descriptive
than others.

For example: stride and dash are more descriptive than walk and run.

Like adjectives, descriptive verbs add colour and interest to our writing, as well as
allowing the reader to better visualise the action.

1 Circle the most descriptive verb in brackets that will add more interest and colour to
these lines from Marco’s ballad.

a There (goes/walks/strides) Ollie Smith the surfer

b While (looking/gazing/peeping) at the waves

c The water (goes/curls/comes) around his toes

d He (goes/swims/paddles) through the breakers

e He (lies/floats/rests) on his longboard

2 Now think of at least three more descriptive verbs that can be used in place of the
following words.

a sits __

b jumps __

76 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 76 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Step 3: Add rhyming words

Rhyming words are words that have a similar end sound.

For example: plain, again; soon, tune.

For Marco to follow the same rhyme pattern that Henry Lawson has used in ‘Ballad of the
Drover’, he needs to find words that rhyme with sand, waves, toes and song.

Place the words that rhyme on the same page.

paves along snows lows strong gong

goes hand belong wrong craves bows
fanned rows caves land planned long
throng knaves tanned foes braves
saves stand raves band woes

Words that Words that Words that Words that

rhyme with sand rhyme with waves rhyme with toes rhyme with song
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________
__________________ __________________ __________________ __________________

Step 4: Write lines with a strong, regular rhythm

Rhythm is the sense of movement in a poem. The rhythm in Henry Lawson’s ballad
depends on the regular number of syllables that are stressed in each line.

Example: Across the stony ridges,

Across the rolling plain

Together with rhyme, rhythm adds to the musicality of the poem.

1 Which line contains the stronger, more regular rhythm? Tick (3) the correct answers.

a Across the sloping embankment Across the grassed embankment

b He is carrying a longboard Beneath his arm a longboard

c And now he’s reached the water When he reaches the water

d The water works its magic And as if by magic

e He swims through the breakers He paddles through the breakers

2 Underline the adjective that adds to the rhythm of the following line.

And sings a (delightful, happy, short) song

Unit 7 B allads 77

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 77 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Marco’s final draft. He has even added another stanza. Read the comments about his
ballad on the left, and do the tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks

Ballad of the Surfer

Using interesting Across the grassed embankment, 1. Underline
adjectives adds the words that
colour and interest
Across the soft white sand, rhyme.
to the poem and Young Ollie Smith the surfer, 2. Circle all the
helps the reader adjectives.
form a vivid mental
Is striding, tall and tanned.
image of the scene Beneath his arm a longboard,
being described.
Before him rolling waves.
They hold for him the promise,
Of thrills that he so craves.

Using descriptive And now he’s reached the water, 3. Underline

verbs has a similar the syllables
effect to using good
It curls around his toes. that should be
adjectives. They add The water works its magic, stressed in the
interest to the poem first two lines.
and help the reader
And banishes his woes.
4. Circle five
visualise the action He paddles through the breakers, descriptive
more clearly. verbs.
And hums a happy song,
And he floats upon his longboard,
Using a definite Till the right wave comes along.
rhyme pattern
adds to the musicality
of the poem. Then he rises, tall and strong, 5. Underline
the words that
Moves to get his balance right, rhyme.
And he swoops towards the beach 6. Underline
the syllables
Writing lines that Like a bird that’s in full flight. that should be
contain three
Then young Ollie Smith the surfer stressed in the
stressed syllables
last two lines.
gives the ballad Heads out to sea once more
a strong, regular
To await another wave
rhythm, also
adding to the To sweep him back towards the shore.
musicality of the
poem.
?

78 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 78 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Student B: Bianca’s draft
Bianca, another Year 5 student, is going to study the last four stanzas
of Henry Lawson’s poem before writing her ballad.

1 2
The thunder growls a warning When flashes next the lightning,
The blue, forked lightnings gleam; The flood’s grey breast is blank;
The drover turns his horses A cattle-dog and packhorse
To swim the fatal stream. Are struggling up the bank.
But, oh! the flood runs stronger But in the lonely homestead
Than e’er it ran before; The girl shall wait in vain—
The saddle-horse is failing, He’ll never pass the stations
And only half-way o’er! In charge of stock again.

3 4
The faithful dog a moment Across the flooded lowlands
Lies panting on the bank, And slopes of sodden loam
Then plunges through the current The packhorse struggles bravely
To where his master sank. To take dumb tidings home;
And round and round in circles And mud-stained, wet, and weary,
He fights with failing strength, He goes by rock and tree,
Till, gripped by wilder waters, With clanging chains and tinware
He fails and sinks at length. All sounding eerily.

1 Underline the syllables that should be stressed in these lines from the poem.

The thun-der growls a warn-ing

The blue, forked light-nings gleam;

The dro-ver turns his hor-ses

To swim the fa-tal stream.

2 Which letter has been left out in the words e’er and o’er? ______________

3 What happens to the drover in these final stanzas of the poem?

Unit 7 B allads 79

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 79 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Writing the first draft
Bianca is going to tell the story of Annie Tran. This is her first draft. Read it and then answer
the questions.

Ballad of the Dancer

Annie Tran the dancer She practises for hours and hours
Dances across the floor, Until her legs are sore
She is steady on her feet And her body is tired
Because she knows the steps so well. And her feet are hurting.
Now she’s doing pirouettes, But her heart is full of joy
She’s going round and round. Because she likes to dance.
She’s doing twirls She would like to dance all day,
While standing on her toes. It’s all she wants to do.

1 Which of these features has Bianca remembered to include in her draft? Tick (3) the
correct answers.

a telling someone’s story d interesting adjectives

b a regular rhyme pattern e descriptive verbs

c a strong, regular beat or rhythm f stanzas and lines with the

for all lines correct spelling

2 a Where do the events in the poem take place?

b What is happening in the poem?

c List three adjectives that Bianca has used.

__

80 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 80 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Step-by-step improvement plan
Bianca has made similar mistakes in her draft to those that Marco made in his. Like Marco,
she is going to do some practice exercises to turn her draft into a good, interesting ballad.
Help her complete them.

Step 1: Add interesting adjectives

While Bianca has used some adjectives, she could include a few more to add further interest
and colour to her ballad.

Which adjectives from the box could she use to complete each of these lines?

graceful sure small dainty weary

happy sore excellent young joyful
certain perfect little pointed

1 ______________ Annie Tran the dancer

2 Her steps are ______________ and steady
3 Doing ______________ ______________ twirls
4 On the tips of ______________ toes.
5 And ______________ is her body
6 Her feet so very ______________
7 But she has a ______________ heart.

Step 2: Add descriptive verbs

1 Bianca has not used any descriptive verbs in her draft. Circle the ones that she could
use in place of dances.

flits floats marches spins tramps

stomps glides hovers bounces rolls

2 Instead of using the word pirouettes as a noun, she could change the line to use it as a
descriptive verb. Fill in the correct form of the word.

And now she’s ______________

3 Circle the verb that can best replace likes in Because she likes to dance.

adores enjoys wants loves cherishes

4 Find three words that could be used in place of hurting in And her feet are hurting. Use a
thesaurus to help you find suitable synonyms.

__

Unit 7 B allads 81

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 81 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Step 3: Add rhyming words
One of the reasons that Bianca’s poem lacks the strong rhythm of a ballad is that it does not
have a rhyme pattern. She needs to make her words rhyme at the ends of lines 2 and 4 and
at the ends of lines 6 and 8 in each stanza.
1 Add TWO more words to each of these lists of rhyming words.

a floor—claw, core, door, before, four, sore, jaw, law, ______________ , ______________

b well—bell, dwell, sell, swell, ,

c round—bound, found, crowned, ground, ,

d toes—rose, goes, bows, chose, ,

e dance—chance, enhance, ,

f do—blue, flew, glue, who, ,

2 Now choose a word from the lists above to make each pair of lines rhyme.

She leaps across the floor

E’en though her feet are ______________

Round and round she ______________

While standing on her toes.

Because all she’d do is dance

If you gave her half a ______________

Step 4: Write lines with a strong, regular rhythm

Another reason Bianca’s poem lacks rhythm is that it does not have a regular pattern of
stressed syllables.

Underline the word in brackets that will give each of these lines the stronger rhythm.
1 (Little/Young) Annie Tran the dancer
2 Glides lightly (o’er/across) the floor
3 And now she’s (twirling/pirouetting)
4 On the tips of (her/pointed) toes
5 And (weary/weak) is her body
6 (Next/Following) day she’s back at training
7 Then she’s ready to (start/begin)

82 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 82 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Writing the final draft
Bianca has started writing the final draft of her ballad. Help her complete it, and then look
in the answers section to compare what you have written with what Bianca wrote.

Hint! Use Bianca’s draft and the practice exercises to help you.

Ballad of the Dancer The Ballad of the Dancer

Young Annie Tran the dancer
Annie Tran the dancer
Glides lightly o’er the floor.
Dances across the floor, Her steps ____________________________
She is steady on her feet She’s done them all _________________.
Because she knows the steps so well. And now she’s ______________________,
Round ______________________________
Now she’s doing pirouettes,
Doing perfect little twirls
She’s going round and round. On _________________________________.
She’s doing twirls After practising for hours
While standing on her toes. Her legs can take no more,
And weary __________________________
She practises for hours and hours
Her feet _____________________________
Until her legs are sore But joyful is her heart
And her body is tired For Annie ___________________________,

And her feet are hurting. It’s all she’d ever do

If ___________________________________.
But her heart is full of joy
Next day she’s back at training.
Because she likes to dance. She glides onto the floor,
She would like to dance all day, Her legs no longer weary,
Her feet no longer ___________________.
It’s all she wants to do.
She starts by doing warm-ups,
Then she’s ready to __________________,
There’s a competition soon
That she’d really like to _____________!

Unit 7 B allads 83

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 83 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Your turn
Write two to three stanzas of a ballad on one of the following. Use your own paper for this
activity.

Writing Checklist Make sure your ballad: 3

✹ tells someone’s story.
✹ has a regular rhyme pattern.
✹ has a strong, regular beat or rhythm.
✹ contains interesting adjectives.
✹ contains descriptive verbs.
✹ is divided into stanzas and lines that have the correct spelling.
Use Marco’s final draft on page 78 and Bianca’s final draft on
Tip page 83 to help you write your ballad.

Go to WORD BANK pages 135–136 for useful vocabulary

1 Write a ballad about a boy or girl who loves doing something, like skateboarding, acting,
bike riding, cooking or drawing.

Use Marco and Bianca’s ballads as models.

2 Write the first three stanzas of a ballad based on the following poem by Henry Lawson.
Instead of Andy taking cattle across the Queensland border, you could write about a girl
or boy going away on a school camp or a sports tour.

Notice that this poem has only four lines to a stanza and the rhyme pattern is a-b-a-b,
with lines 2 and 4 often ending with the same word.

Our Andy’s gone with cattle now—

Our hearts are out of order—
With drought he’s gone to battle now
Across the Queensland border.

He’s left us in dejection now;

Our thoughts with him are roving;
It’s dull on this selection now,
Since Andy went a-droving.

Who now shall wear the cheerful face

In times when things are slackest?
And who shall whistle round the place
When fortune frowns her blackest?

84 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U7.indd 84 11/08/14 1:48 PM

Unit 8 Discussions

Looking at discussions
A discussion looks at both sides of an argument.

The main purpose of a discussion is to provide a balanced view of the issue that is fair to
both sides.

A discussion should have:

✹ an opening statement that introduces the issue and previews the main arguments.
✹ arguments for, with supporting evidence.
✹ arguments against, with supporting evidence.
✹ a conclusion that refers back briefly to the arguments and then comes to a conclusion
on one side or the other; sometimes it makes a recommendation.

1 Which of these texts is more likely to be the opening statement of a discussion? Tick (3)
the correct answer.

a b

Many students complain about Many students complain

having to wear a uniform to about having to wear a
school, but I believe it’s a good uniform to school. While
thing. wearing a uniform has ma
ny
advantages, it also has som
e
drawbacks.

2 Which of these sentences is more likely to be the concluding statement of a

discussion? Tick (3) the correct answer.

a b
I am certain that the
esented
Rather than banning all arguments I have pr
all
pets from apartments, will convince you that
from
perhaps only large or noisy pets should be banned
r how
ones, like dogs, should be apartments, no matte
quiet
banned. big or small, noisy or
they are.

Unit 8 D iscussions 85

WritingWB_Yr5_U8.indd 85 11/08/14 1:49 PM

Student A: Ashley’s draft
Ashley’s Year 5 class have been discussing whether it would be better
to use fans rather than air conditioners to cool the classrooms during the hot summer months.

Now they have to present their views as a written discussion.

Before she starts writing, Ashley jots down words and phrases to remind her of the arguments
she would like to make for and against using fans instead of air conditioners in summer.

Fans use less electricity—can’t cool classroom on hottest days—good for

environment—blow papers on desks away—cheaper to run—cost less—only
have two or three speeds—air conditioners can be adjusted easily to different
temperatures—can open windows—fresh air—perhaps better for our health—fans
only help those sitting close to them—air conditioners cool everyone in the room

1 Help Ashley organise her ideas by writing them in the correct column.

Using fans rather than air conditioners to cool our classrooms

Advantages Disadvantages

a ______________________________________ a ______________________________________

______________________________________ ______________________________________

b ______________________________________ b ______________________________________

______________________________________ ______________________________________

c ______________________________________ c ______________________________________

______________________________________ ______________________________________

d ______________________________________ d ______________________________________

______________________________________ ______________________________________

2 Which do you think is the strongest argument for using fans?

86 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U8.indd 86 11/08/14 1:49 PM

Writing the first draft
This is Ashley’s first draft. Read what she wrote and then answer the questions.

Are fans better than air conditioners?

Are fans better than air conditioners?
They are better because they use less electricity. That is good for the environment. They
are cheaper to run than air conditioners because they don’t use as much electricity. That
is a good thing. They cost less than air conditioners. That is good. When you use fans you
can keep the windows open. Fresh air is good for students. Fans do not work well on very
hot days. That’s when we need air conditioners. Fans blow papers off desks. Students and
teachers find this annoying. Air conditioners don’t blow papers away.
I think that fans are good sometimes and air conditioners are good at other times.

1 A good discussion should contain the following features. Tick (3) the ones that Ashley
has used.

a an interesting opening statement that introduces the issue and previews

the main arguments

b arguments for the idea

c arguments against the idea

d strong supporting evidence for arguments

e a conclusion that refers briefly to the arguments and provides a recommendation

f connectives to link ideas and make the writing flow (e.g. In the first place,
On the other hand, However)

g synonyms for words like good and bad to add interest and variety to the text

h present tense verbs (e.g. is, use)

i sentences with correct punctuation and spelling

One of the things that Ashley has remembered to do in her draft is to use the present tense
throughout.

2 Find five present tense verbs in the draft and underline them.

Step-by-step improvement plan

While Ashley has got the basic structure of a discussion right, she has failed to provide strong
supporting evidence for her arguments. Her writing also lacks fluency. Ashley is going to do
some practice exercises to find ideas on how she can improve her draft. Help her complete them.

Step 1: Start with a good opening statement

The opening statement is the introduction to the discussion. It needs to draw the reader
in by stating the issue to be discussed in an interesting way.

Unit 8 D iscussions 87

WritingWB_Yr5_U8.indd 87 11/08/14 1:49 PM

Put these phrases and clauses together to construct a more interesting opening for Ashley’s
discussion.
but I enjoy the feeling nditioners
after running around fans or air co
of walking into an air
which is more benefic con ditioned classroom I am a big fan of fans
ial

the question is on a hot summer’s day on the playground

Step 2: Add variety with synonyms

Synonyms are words that have similar meanings. For example: good and fine.

Using synonyms for words that are repeated often in a text adds variety and interest.

1 The words in the box are synonyms for either advantages or disadvantages. Place
them in the correct column.

drawbacks problems merits bonuses positives strengths

pluses pros downsides cons weaknesses benefits
blessings negatives minuses faults

Hint! Some of these need to be used together. For example: pluses and minuses. You
would not use pluses and then, for example, drawbacks in the next clause or sentence.

Advantages Disadvantages

__________________________________________ __________________________________________

88 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U8.indd 88 11/08/14 1:49 PM

2 Choose a word from the list above to complete each of these sentences. Use a different
word each time.

a One of the ______________ of using fans is that they are cheaper to run.

b One of the ______________ of having only fans in a classroom is that they do not cool
the air on a very hot day.

c On the whole, I think the ______________ of using mainly fans outweigh the
______________.

Step 3: Link ideas with connectives

In Unit 4 you learnt that connectives can be adverbs, adverbial phrases or conjunctions.
We use them to link paragraphs, sentences and parts of sentences so that our writing flows.

Fill in connectives from the box to make this version of Ashley’s draft read more fluently.
Use each connective once. The first one has been done for you.

as on the other hand furthermore all in all because

in addition also and on the one hand

On the one hand, fans are better for the environment ______________ they use less electricity.
They are ______________ cheaper to run ______________ cost less than air conditioners.

_____________________, we can still get fresh air into the classrooms when we use fans
______________ we can keep the windows open.

____________________________, fans do not work well on very hot days. That’s when we need air
conditioners.
_____________________, fans blow papers off desks, which is something air conditioners don’t do.

_____________________, I think that fans are good sometimes and air conditioners are good at
other times.

Step 4: End with a good conclusion

The conclusion is the last paragraph. It should refer briefly to the arguments and
provide a recommendation.

__________ Ashley write a good conclusion for her discussion by filling in the gaps.
While there is a strong case for using fans to cool our classrooms, I believe that _______________

Perhaps _____________________________________________________________________________________

Unit 8 D iscussions 89

WritingWB_Yr5_U8.indd 89 11/08/14 1:49 PM

Writing the final draft
This is Ashley’s final draft. Read the comments about her discussion on the left, and do the
tasks on the right.

Comments Tasks
Should we use fans or air
Introducing the conditioners to cool our classrooms?
issue and previewing
the main arguments
I am a big fan of fans, but I also enjoy the feeling 1. Underline the
of walking into an air-conditioned classroom synonym of
in the opening
better.
statement gives after running around on the playground on a hot
the reader a clear
picture of what is to summer’s day. The question is, which is more
follow. beneficial—fans, or air conditioners?
Using connectives Firstly, fans are definitely better for the environment 2. Underline the
to link ideas makes because they use less electricity than air conditioners. sentence that
the writing flow. gives evidence
Electricity is mainly made by burning coal, and as to support the
scientists keep warning us, this is one of the causes main argument.
Providing
supporting of global warming. So the less electricity we use, the
evidence adds better it is for the environment.
strength to the
arguments. Secondly, fans are cheaper to run. They also cost 3. Underline
less. By using fans rather than air conditioners, the sentence
that expresses
the school will save money, which can be spent on the main
projects such as upgrading equipment. argument.

Using synonyms Another benefit of using fans is that they do their 4. Circle two
for words that have job even if the windows are open. This allows fresh adjectives.
appeared before adds
variety and interest. air to enter the classrooms, creating a healthy
environment for students to work in.
Looking at both However, there are disadvantages to using only fans. 5. Circle the word
sides of the that indicates a
In the first place, they do not cool the air on very hot
issue provides a change in the
balanced view. days. Air conditioners, on the other hand, can be writer’s point of
adjusted easily to different temperatures so that even view.
on the hottest day, they cool everyone in the room.
In addition, fans often blow papers off desks, which 6. Underline the
teachers and students find annoying. This is not a connective.

problem with air conditioners.

Including a
recommendation While there is a strong case for using fans to cool 7. Underline
in the concluding our classrooms, I believe that we also need air the writer’s
paragraph shows recommendation.
that the writer has conditioners. Perhaps we can use air conditioners on
thought carefully very hot days and fans the rest of the time.
about the issue.

90 Excel A d v a n c e d S k i l l s Wri t i n g Wo rk b o o k Ye a r 5

WritingWB_Yr5_U8.indd 90 11/08/14 1:49 PM

Student B: Ravi’s draft
Ravi is in a different Year 5 class. They have been discussing the pros
and cons of the principal’s plan to divide the playground into sections, with each year group
having their own section to play in at recess and lunchtime. The principal has asked the
students in Ravi’s class to write a discussion in which they put forward the benefits and
drawbacks of this idea.

Before expressing his views on the subject, Ravi jots down some arguments he could use.

Will keep younger ones safe—older students can be rough—some students have
friends in other year groups—students won’t get to know each other—help
students bond with others in their year—might be difficult to keep students
apart—don’t always obey rules—hard for teachers to manage—need more teachers
on playground duty—more work for teachers—some areas of the playground more
interesting than others—who gets the good areas?—older students might boss
younger ones

1 Ravi’s arguments for and against the principal’s idea are a bit muddled. Sort them out
and write them under the following headings.

Benefits Drawbacks