MATILDA SCRIPT

ORIGINAL CAST BROOCH - Act 1

[Note: Especially among the ensemble, the person speaking each line (e.g. BIG KIDS) may change
from show to show.

show.]

MATILDA

Sophia Gennusa, Oona Laurence, Bailey Ryon, Milly

Shapiro

Miss Trunchbull

Bertie Carvel

Miss

Lauren Ward

Mr. Wormwood

Gabriel Ebert

LADY Wormwood

Leslie Margaret

Mrs. PHELPS

Karen Aldridge

MIGUEL

Taylor Trensch

Rudolpho

Phillip Spaeth

ESCAPOLOGIST

Ben Thompson

ACROBAT

Samantha Sturm

DOCTOR

John Arthur Greene

PARTY ENTERTAINER
John Sanders

NURSE

Tamika Sonja Lawrence

ACROBAT'S SISTER

Bertie Carvel

BRUCE

Jack Broderick

LAVENDER

Frenie Acoba

AMANDA

Beatrice Tulchin

NIGEL

Jared Parker

ERIC

Ted Wilson

ALICE

Ava DeMary

HYDRANGEA

Emma Howard

TOMMY

Judah Bellamy

Swings for children

Erica Simone Barnett, Madilyn

Jaz Morrow

Luke Kolbe Mannikus, Sawyer

Nunes

ADULT ENSEMBLE and swings

Ryan Steele, Thayne Jasperson, Tamika Sonja Lawrence, Nadine

Isengger, John Arthur Greene,

Colin Israel, Clay Thomson, Celia Mei Rubin,

Betsy Struxness, Heather Tepe, Yurel Echezarreta, Samantha

Sturm, Ben Thompson

BIG BOY [BEN]

Ben Thompson [variable]

BIG BOY [RYAN]

Ryan Steele [variable]

BIG BOY [TAMIKA]

Tamika Sonja Lawrence [variable]

BIG BOY [TAYLOR]

Taylor Trensch [variable]

________________________________________________________________________________
______

MATILDA THE MUSICAL

ACT 1

A bell rings. A long table with the word "birthday" stamped on it lights up

moves forward, with small hands dragging along the bottom. The table stops and

Hands hit the ground.

Children begin to appear from behind the table and talk. Everyone is dressed

dressed up: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the Incredible Hulk, Lavender as a princess,

Nigel as Spiderman, Bruce in military gear, Amanda as Superwoman, Alice as Wonder

Woman, Hortensia as queen.

ERIC

My mom says I'm a miracle!

TOMMY

My dad says I'm his special little boy!

Oh!

AMANDA

I'm a princess!
BRUCE

And I am a prince.

ALL THE GIRLS

Mom says I'm an angel sent from heaven!

ERIC, TOMMY and BRUCE

My dad says I'm his special little soldier.

Nobody is as handsome, strong as me.

BRUCE

It is true that he satisfies my tendency to bulge.

ERIC, TOMMY and BRUCE

But I am his little soldier.

Hup, two, four, free.

ALICE and HORTENSIA

My mom says I'm a miracle

One look at my face and it's easy to see.

Since the day the doctor cut the umbilical cord,

It has become clear that there is no equal for a miracle like me.

Oh!

NIGEL, TOMMY

My dad says I'm his special little soldier.

No one is as bold or tough as me.

Did my dad tell you?

One day when I'm older

I can be a soldier

NIGEL

And shoot you in the face!

A party entertainer enters with balloons.

PARTY ENTERTAINER

One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days.
There seem to be millions of these "one in a million" ones these days.

The specialty is required.

Above average is average. Go away, fig-ueur!

Is it some modern miracle of calculation?

What miracles so frequent do not make each one not miraculous?

CHILDREN

My mom says I'm a miracle.

One look at my face and it's easy to see.

Since the day the doctor cut the umbilical cord,

It has become clear that there is no equal for a miracle like me.

LAVENDER

My mom says I'm a beautiful barrel.

She has never seen - a!

Nice barrel-a!

She says if I'm interested, I have to reduce the cream,

But I am a barrel

So give me more cake!

Four COUPLES, crouched behind the table, begin to stand and talk.

Couple 1

MAN: Take another photo of our angel from this angle here.

WOMAN: She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers.

BOTH: How darling!

Couple 2

WOMAN: That's right, honey. Look at mom.

MAN: Don't put honey on your brother.

WOMAN: Smile for mom! Smile for mother!

MAN: I think he blinked.

WOMAN: Well, have another one!

COUPLE 3
MAN: Have you seen the report from his school? He got a C on his report!

ALL COUPLES: What?

MAN: We'll have to change your school. The professor is clearly falling short.

COUPLE 4

WOMAN: She's just lovely.

MAN: Very funny.

WOMAN: And perceptive.

COUPLES

Could she be a little brighter than her class?

Oh yeah, she's definitely advanced!

Couples and children overlap the next two verses, while the children separate

themselves in five pairs and perform choreographies from memory.

[COUPLES

Take another photo of our angel from this angle here.

She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers.

How darling!

That's right, honey, look at mom.

Don't put honey on your brother.

Smile for mom, smile for mother.

I think he blinked.

Well, have another one!

CHILDREN

My mom says I'm a miracle.

One look at my face and it's easy to see.

Since the day the doctor cut the umbilical cord,

It has become clear that there is no equal for a miracle like me.]

CHILDREN

My mom says I'm a...

CHILDREN AND COUPLES

Miracle!

CHILDREN

That I am as small and bright as a...

CHILDREN AND COUPLES

Mirror ball!

CHILDREN

You can be all cynical,

But it is an empirical truth.

There has never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle.

Like me.

A curtain is rolled up with the words "5 years ago" painted on it. It is flanked

by AMANDA and ERIC in lab coats over their costumes. MRS WORMWOOD is behind the

curtain. A doctor enters.

LADY Wormwood

Look, is this going to take much longer, doctor? I have to catch a plane at three.

I am competing in the biannual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing

Championships in Paris.

DOCTOR

Are you getting on a plane, Mrs. Wormwood?

LADY Wormwood

Of course it's me. I always compete, doctor. But this time, I have a secret weapon.

Rudolpho! He's part Italian, you know. Very flexible Has an amazing upper body

force.

DOCTOR

I think we should talk.

Mrs. Wormwood emerges from behind the curtain, very pregnant.

LADY Wormwood

So what is it? What's wrong with me?

DOCTOR
Mrs. Wormwood, do you really have no idea?

LADY Wormwood

Gas?

DOCTOR

Mrs. Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully. What do you think could be the

cause of this?

Miss Wormwood gasps.

LADY Wormwood

It's me . . It's me . . Look, am I fat?

DOCTOR

You're pregnant!

LADY Wormwood

That?!

DOCTOR

You're going to have a baby.

LADY Wormwood

But I have a baby! I don't want another one. Isn't there anything you can do?

DOCTOR

You are nine months pregnant!

LADY Wormwood

Antibiotics, or. . . My God! What about the biennial International?

Amateur salsa and ballroom dancing championships?

DOCTOR

A baby, Mrs. Wormwood. A child. The most precious gift the natural world can give

about us has been delivered to you. A new human being! A life. A person. A

a wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love and magic, and

happiness and wonder!

LADY Wormwood

Oh, damn hell!

Mrs. Wormwood walks behind the curtain.

DOCTOR

Every life I bring into this world

Restore my faith in humanity.

NURSE

Push, Mrs. Wormwood, push!

LADY Wormwood

I'll push you in a minute!

DOCTOR

Every newborn's life is an unpainted canvas,

This still and uninterrupted skin,

This uncorrupted mind.

CHILDREN enter from both sides of the stage, with lab coats over their heads.

costumes The DOCTOR and the CHILDREN sing into their stethoscopes.

DOCTOR AND CHILDREN

Ev-er-y life is incredibly improbable.

The chances of existence are almost infinitely small.

DOCTOR

The most common thing in life is life. . .

The curtain slides to reveal MRS WORMWOOD. A NURSE is holding a baby,

who cries

DOCTOR

And yet, every life,

Every new life

It's a miracle!

Miracle!

MR WORMWOOD enters, smoking a cigarette.

Mr. Wormwood

Where is he? Where is my son?

DOCTOR

Mr Wormwood! Are you smoking a cigarette?

Mr. Wormwood

That? Oh of course. [Throws cigarette into audience.] Sorry,

doctor. What am I thinking? This requires proper smoke. [He takes out a cigarette

and grabs the baby.] Oh, my word, it's an ugly little thing.

DOCTOR

This is one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen.

MR WORMWOOD unwraps the blanket the baby is wrapped in.

Mr. Wormwood

Oh my good lord, where is your finger?

DOCTOR

Your what?

Mr. Wormwood

Your finger. Your whatchamacallit. Your do-dah. What did you do with his finger?

DOCTOR

This child does not have a "thing" -

Mr. Wormwood

That? A child without fingers? Look what you've done, you stupid woman. This boy

I don't have a finger.

DOCTOR

Mr Wormwood! This child is a girl. A beautiful, beautiful girl.

LADY Wormwood

Is there still time for the biennial amateur sausage between championships?

Mr. Wormwood

The dance competition is over. You lost it. [He takes out a bunch of money and starts

[browsing through it.] Look, I don't think we can trade him for a child, we could

us?

The DOCTOR leaves and MR WORMWOOD hurries to follow.

LADY Wormwood

This is the worst day of my life!

Oh, my landing gear doesn't feel normal.

My skin looks disgusting in this horrible fluorescent light.

And this dress is nothing like the semi-formal one,

Semi-Spanish dress

I should be wearing the semi-finals tonight!

RUDOLPHO enters from behind a gap in the curtain behind her. Dance with him

hospital bed in which MRS WORMWOOD is lying.

LADY Wormwood

I should be dancing the Tarentella

Who my friend is?

RUDOLPHO leaves the same way he came.

LADY Wormwood

Not dressed in hospital cotton,

With an owl. . . front bottom

And this -

The DOCTOR, MR WORMWOOD and a nurse enter.

DOCTOR

Miracle!

LADY Wormwood

Awful -

DOCTOR

Miracle!

LADY Wormwood

Little stinker

DOCTOR

The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen!

Mr. Wormwood
I can't find your frank 'n' beans!

Parents with strollers enter with their CHILDREN.

DOCTOR

Ev-er-y life is incredibly improbable.

CHILDREN

My mom says I'm a miracle.

DOCTOR

The chances of existence are almost infinitely small.

CHILDREN

My dad says I'm his special little boy.

DOCTOR

The most common thing in life is life.

CHILDREN

Hup, two, four, free!

The birthday table is returned by other children. CHILDREN AND COUPLES

organize behind this.

DOCTOR

And yet, every life,

Every new life

It's a miracle!

Miracle!

Miracle!

The DOCTOR runs behind the table with the others. The group puts on party poppers

below the line.

COUPLES, CHILDREN AND DOCTOR

My mom says I'm a miracle

One look at my face and it's easy to see.

Since the day the doctor cut the umbilical cord,

It has become clear that there is no equal for a miracle like me.
My mom says I'm a miracle.

That I am as small and bright as a mirror ball.

You can be all cynical,

But it is an empirical truth

There has never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle like this. . .

The woman in COUPLE 1 blows out a birthday cake as the table splits in two and

MATILDA stands behind him, holding a collection of books in one hand.

MATILDA

My mom says I'm a lousy little worm.

My dad says I'm boring.

My mom says I'm a little jumping germ

That children like me should be against the law.

My dad says I should learn how to close my cake.

Nobody like a smart mouth girl like me.

Mom says I'm a good case for population control.

Dad says I should watch more TV.

MR WORMWOOD pushes her out of the way, talking on the phone. The scene changes

to the absinthe room. MATILDA's brother, MICHAEL, lies lazily on a

recliner MATILDA sits to one side, reading a book.

Mr. Wormwood

Get out of it! Yes sir. That's right, sir. One hundred and fifty-five brand new

luxury cars, sir. Are they good runners? Oh, let's put it this way. You wouldn't do it

beat them in a race! [Laughs and then fades away.] No, sir. Yes sir. They are good

runners, sir. Yes sir. Indeed, sir. So, erm. . . How much, exactly, are we?

talking about?

MRS. WORMWOOD enters and screams.

LADY Wormwood

Harass!

Mr. Wormwood
[on phone] Wait.

LADY Wormwood

Look at this one. She is reading a book. That's not normal for a five-year-old. I think that

She could be an idiot.

MATILDA

Listen to this: "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the

Age of wisdom. . . "

Mrs. Wormwood screams again.

Mr. Wormwood

Stop scaring your mother with that book, kid.

MATILDA

I'm a girl!

LADY Wormwood

And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry. Stories. Who wants stories? I

I mean, it's not normal for a girl to be everything. . . "thinking".

Mr. Wormwood

[on the phone] I'll call you right away. [to MRS WORMWOOD] Could you

please shut up? I'm trying to pull off the biggest deal of my life and I

I have to hear this It's your fault. You waste us on problems and waits

I to get us out What am I? An escapologist on fire?

LADY Wormwood

"Escapologist," he says! What about me then? I have a whole house to look at

after! Dinners are not microwaved, you know? If you are an escapologist, I

must be an acrobat to balance that lot. The world's greatest acrobat! I'm going to

bleach my roots. . and I won't talk to you for the rest of the night,

horrible little man!

Mr. Wormwood

But I will become rich!

LADY Wormwood
Rich? The rich thing?

Mr. Wormwood

Oh, very rich Russian businessmen: very, very stupid! Your genius husband is

He's going to sell you one hundred and fifty-five old, like-new hits.

luxury cars.

MATILDA

But that's not fair! Cars will break down. What about the Russians?

Mr. Wormwood

"Fair." Listen to the boy.

MATILDA

I'm a girl!

Mr. Wormwood

"Fair" gets you nowhere, you brainless moron! All I can say is,

Thank God Michael has inherited his old man's brain, eh, son?

MIGUEL

[dull] Michael.

LADY Wormwood

Hmm Well, I'll take your money when you earn it, and spend it. But I

I will not enjoy it, because of the despicable way you spoke to me.

tonight.

Mrs. Wormwood exits.

Mr. Wormwood

[to MATILDA] This is your fault. With your stupid books and your stupid reading.

MATILDA

That? But I didn't do anything. That's not right.

Mr. Wormwood

"Right"? [Laughs.] "Right?" I'm going to tell you something. You go to school in a

few days of time And you won't be "okay" there, oh no. Look, I know your

director. Agatha Trunchbull.

Behind MR WORMWOOD and MATILDA, the scene changes from a living room to MATILDA's.

room.

Mr. Wormwood

And I told him all about you and your smart pants ideas. Great, big, strong,

terrifying woman that she is. I used to compete in the Olympics, throwing the hammer! Imagine

what he's going to do to a horrible little goblin like you, boy.

MATILDA

I'm a girl!

Mr. Wormwood

Now go to bed, you little bookworm.

MR WORMWOOD leaves as MATILDA runs to her room, opens the door and

climbs onto his bookshelf. She opens a book.

MATILDA

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To look for a bucket of water.

That's what they say.

The subsequent fall was inevitable.

They never had a chance.

They were written like this:

Innocent victims of their history.

Like Romeo and Juliet,

It was written in the stars before they met.

That love and destiny and a touch of stupidity

It would rob them of their hope of living happily.

The endings are often a bit bloody!

I wonder why they didn't just change their story.

They tell us that we have to do what they tell us, but surely,

Sometimes you have to be a little naughty!

Just because you discover that life is not fair,

It doesn't mean you just have to grin and bear it.

If you always carry it on your chin and use it,

Nothing will change.

Even if you are small, you can do a lot. You

You shouldn't let a little thing like "small" stop you.

If you sit back and let them get on top, you

I might as well be saying that you think it's okay,

And that's not right.

[She turns on the vanity light in her parents' bathroom, which has gone up

from the stage. It is outlined on the "His" and "Hers" sides.]

And if it's not okay,

You have to fix it.

MATILDA picks up several bottles from the dresser and reads their labels.

Platinum blonde dye. Super strong. Keep out of reach of children. Hmm

Violet oil hair tonic. For men. Yeah!

MATILDA begins to pour the hair dye into the bottle of Violet Oil.

MATILDA

In the slip of a lightning bolt, there is a small revolt.

The seed of a war in the creaking of a floor.

A storm can start with the flap of a wing.

The smallest mite has the most powerful sting.

Every day begins with the ticking of a clock.

All escapes begin with the click of a lock.

If you are stuck in your story and want to get out,

You don't have to cry, you don't have to scream.

Because if you are small, you can do a lot. You

You shouldn't let a little thing like "small" stop you.

If you sit back and let them get on top, you

Nothing will change.

Just because you discover that life is not fair,

It doesn't mean you just have to grin and bear it.

If you always carry it on your chin and use it,

You could also be saying that you think it's okay,

And that's not right.

And if it's not okay,

You have to fix it. . .

[She walks back into her room and jumps onto the bed.]

But no one else is going to fix it for me.

No one but me is going to change my story.

Sometimes you have to be a little naughty!

Matilda goes to bed and turns off the light. Vanity rises again, which means

Tomorrow. MR WORMWOOD, with a towel around his shoulder, enters the bathroom with

MIGUEL.

Mr. Wormwood

In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. Good hair means good

brain. Now, the secret of my success in business is:

MIGUEL

Mysteries.

Mr. Wormwood

Yeah. Yeah. Mysteries. The secret of my success is this. Oil of Violets hair tonic for

men. Get out of the way, son! Your old man is going to work. [Puts the towel over his

head and start massaging vigorously]. Oh yeah. Ah, that's where it is! Oh,

right. Those are the bananas right there. [He rips off his towel to reveal that his

[Hair is green.] Let me tell you something, son. A businessman simply cannot

It doesn't make itself noticed when it looks like this.

MIGUEL

Mysteries!

MRS. WORMWOOD enters and screams.

LADY Wormwood

Your hair! Is. . . green!

Mr. Wormwood

Oh my god, woman, have you started already? It's not even half past eight!

MATILDA enters from her room. MR WORMWOOD takes a mirror that MRS WORMWOOD

soft

Mr. Wormwood

Oh! My hair is green!

LADY Wormwood

Why the hell did you do that? Why do you want green hair?

Mr. Wormwood

I don't want green hair. I didn't do anything!

MATILDA

Maybe you used some of mom's peroxide by mistake.

LADY Wormwood

That's exactly what you've done. Oh, stupid man.

Mr. Wormwood

Oh my hair! Oh, my beautiful hair! Oh my good lord I have my deal today with him

Russians What am I going to do?

MATILDA

I know. I know what you can do.

Mr. Wormwood

That? What is it? What can I do?

MATILDA

You can pretend to be an elf!

Mr. Wormwood

Yeah! That is! I can pretend that I am one. . . What are you talking about? Silly!

The boy is crazy.

MR WORMWOOD and MICHAEL exit. MRS WORMWOOD brushes MATILDA with a sound of
total disgust.

MATILDA

Mom, would you like to hear a story?

LADY Wormwood

Don't be disgusting! Continue. Go back to that library of yours or something.

The sooner you're locked up in that school, the better.

Mrs. Wormwood exits. MATILDA picks up her books. The scene changes to the library.

MISS HONEY is leafing through the stacks. Enter Mrs. PHELPS.

Mrs. PHELPS

Matilda! What a pleasure to see you. Here in the library again, are we?

MATILDA

Yeah. I mean, my mother wanted me to stay home with her. She hates when I go

out. She misses me a lot. Dad also loves having me around. But I think it is

good for adults to have their own space.

Mrs. PHELPS

Your parents must be very proud to have a girl as intelligent as you. And you say

Many stories like the ones you make with me? I love your stories, Matilda! And that's it

It's not a clue, by the way. But if you had a story you wanted to tell,

Miss

Goodbye, Mrs. Phelps. I'll see you next week.

Mrs. PHELPS

Goodbye, Miss Honey. And good luck with the Tolstoy.

MISS HONEY laughs and walks down the stairs to the front of the stage.

Mrs. PHELPS

As I was saying, Matilda. I'm not implying, but if you had a story

you wanted -

MATILDA

Who was that?

Mrs. PHELPS
That lady? That was Miss Honey. She's going to be your teacher.

MATILDA

That lady? That lady is my...

Mrs. PHELPS

Yes your teacher. Now look. Are you going to tell me a story or not?

MATILDA

Once upon a time -

MRS PHELPS screams and leaves. She comes back in carrying two square blocks, one larger

than the other. She puts down the big block and MATILDA stands on it. Mrs. PHELPS

He retreats to the smallest block and sits down.

MATILDA

Once upon a time, there were two of the world's greatest circus artists: a

escapologist who could escape from any lock ever invented, and an acrobat

who was so skilled that it seemed he could actually fly, fell in love and got

married. They performed some of the most incredible feats together that anyone has ever had.

seen And people would come from miles around: kings! queens! famous! and

astronauts! But not only to see their skill, but also to see their love for each other.

another, which was so deep that it was said that cats would purr as they passed through

they, and the dogs, would cry with joy.

A model of a large old house enters from the back of the stage.

MATILDA

They moved to a beautiful old house on the outskirts of town, and in the evenings,

they would walk and get some fresh air. And every night, the children of the village

waits in anticipation, hoping to see the bright white handkerchief that the

The acrobat always used, because then they knew they just had to cry, "Tricks!

Tricks! "And great artists would be instantly pleased with most of them.

Spectacular show, just for them.

But even though they loved each other, even though they were famous and everyone loved each
other,
they were sad.

MATILDA picks up two dolls from the house. She uses them to carry a

conversation.

ACROBAT [offstage]

We have everything. . .

MATILDA

"We have everything the world has to offer," the wife said.

ESCAPOLOGIST [off stage]

We have everything. . .

MATILDA

"But we don't have the one thing in the world that we want most."

ACROBAT and ESCAPOLOGIST [offstage]

But the only thing. . .

MATILDA

"We don't have a son."

ESCAPOLOGIST [off stage]

Patience, my love.

MATILDA

"Patience, my love," replied the husband. "Time is on our side. Even time loves

us."

Mrs. PHELPS

Oh, Matilda!

MATILDA

But time is the only thing that no one owns. And as time went by, they grew quite a bit.

old, and they still had no children. At night, they listened to the silence of their

big empty house, and you would imagine how beautiful it would be if it were

filled with the sound of a child playing.

Mrs. PHELPS

Oh, Matilda, this is so sad!

MATILDA

Do you want me to stop?

Mrs. PHELPS

Don't you dare!

MATILDA

Their sadness overwhelmed them and led them to increasingly dangerous exploits, as

Their work became the only place where they could escape the inevitable tragedy of

their lives! And so it was, they decided to carry out the most dangerous feat in history.

known to man! "It's called," said the husband, announcing the event to the

world press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath - [The voice of the

ESCAPOLOGIST echoes his words.] - "'The fiery woman, launching herself through the air,

with dynamite in their hair, on sharks and sharp objects, caught by the blocked man

in a Cage', and it is the most dangerous feat ever known to man!

A crowd applauds.

MATILDA and ACROBAT [offstage]

"It is our destiny -"

MATILDA

- said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his.

MATILDA and ACROBAT [offstage]

"This is where the loneliness of life has taken us."

MATILDA pauses for several moments, holding her dolls in front of her.

contemplatively

Mrs. PHELPS

Well, what's up?

MATILDA

I . . . Don't know. Not yet, anyway.

Mrs. PHELPS

That? But I . . . Is there nothing else? I mean . . . Well, I guess your mother

I'll be waiting for you. Is she here? I'd love to meet her, actually...
MATILDA grabs her books and runs off stage.

MATILDA

Goodbye, Mrs. Phelps! See you tomorrow!

Mrs. PHELPS

After your first day of school!

MRS PHELPS exits as a siren sounds and the scene changes to Crunchem Hall Academy.

A large iron gate made of square holes of various sizes is rolled up from both sides

from the stage. MATILDA's classmates enter hesitantly from the front of the stage.

NIGEL

My mom says I'm a miracle. . .

TOMMY

My dad says I'm his special little one. . . boy . . .

LAVENDER

I am a princess. . .

ERIC

And I am a prince. . .

BIG CHILDREN enter menacingly from behind the door.

ALICE

Mom says I'm an angel. . .

AMANDA

Mom says I'm an angel. . .

NIGEL

Mom says I'm an angel. . .

BIG KIDS comes up and starts to climb up the door and grabs the KIDS by the

Behind that.

BIG KIDS

And then you think you are capable

To survive this disaster being a prince or princess.

You will soon see that there is no escape from the tragedy.
And even if you put in a lot of effort,

You're just wasting energy

Because your life as you know it is ancient history.

I have suffered in this prison.

I've been trapped inside this cage for years,

This is the living one.

But if I try I can remember,

Before my life was over,

Before my happy days were over,

Before hearing the sound of the bell for the first time.

Like you, I was curious

So innocent that I asked a thousand questions.

But unless you want to suffer, listen.

And I'll teach you a thing or two.

Listen here, dear

You will be punished so severely if you step out of line.

And if you cry it will be twice as much.

You should stay out of trouble

And remember to be extremely careful.

NIGEL

Because?

BIG KIDS

Because?

BIG BOY [BEN]

Because? Did you hear what he said?

BIG KIDS

Just wait for the physical!

CHILDREN

What is fis?
BIG KIDS

Physical education!

BIG BOY [BEN]

It is the specialty of the Trunchbull.

The KIDS spill out from behind the door as the BIG KIDS carry them away.

ALICE

My mom says I'm a miracle.

Aaaaah!..? Aaah?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! "".! .Hh! Aaaa! Help me! Aaaa! Ah!.! Aaaa! Aha, yes. “Ohhh!”
”! Oh, that's it for you!” “Ah! Yes.” Ouch!!! Ah! ”. Aaa! Oh!!! Oh!!.!!! Help me now.” “Ah!! ¨! "h."
H†hhh! H ↑! ️hh Ah!! † __ _____

BRUCE

My dad says I would be the teacher's pet!

Aaaaah!..? Aaah?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! "".! .Hh! Aaaa! Help me! Aaaa! Ah!.! Aaaa! Aha, yes. “Ohhh!”
”! Oh, that's it for you!” “Ah! Yes.” Ouch!!! Ah! ”. Aaa! Oh!!! Oh!!.!!! Help me now.” “Ah!! ¨! "h."
H†hhh! H ↑! ️hh Ah!! † __ _____

LAVENDER

School is a lot of fun, according to my mother.

Aaaaah!..? Aaah?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! "".! .Hh! Aaaa! Help me! Aaaa! Ah!.! Aaaa! Aha, yes. “Ohhh!”
”! Oh, that's it for you!” “Ah! Yes.” Ouch!!! Ah! ”. Aaa! Oh!!! Oh!!.!!! Help me now.” “Ah!! ¨! "h."
H†hhh! H ↑! ️hh Ah!! † __ _____

AMANDA and ERIC

Dad said I would learn the alphabet!

BIG BOY [BEN]

The alphabet? You have to learn to listen, boy.

Two BIG KIDS begin to climb through the door, flanking the alphabet blocks as they are.

pushed through the door when mentioned in the song.

Older children

And then you think you are capable

To survive this disaster being a prince or princess.

Soon (C) will see that there is no escape from tragedy.

And even if you put in lots of eFfort,

You're just wasting energy,

Because your life as you know it is historical history.

I have suffered in this prison,

I've been trapped inside this cage (K) for years,

This life 'eLl.

But if I try I can remember,

Before my life was over,

Before my happy days were over,

Before hearing the bell ring for the first time.

Like you, I was (Q) curious,

So innocent that (R) I asked a thousand questions,

But unless you want to suffer, listen.

And I'll teach you a thing or two.

Listen here, dear,

You will be punished so severely if you step out of line.

And if you cry it will be (W) double.

You should stay out of trouble

And remember to be extremely careful.

ERIC

Because?

BIG KIDS

Because?

BIG BOY [BEN]

Because? Because? Did you hear what we said?

The door moves away. Desks rise from the floor and a whiteboard makes its way through

from the back of the stage. The alphabet is written on the blackboard.

BIG KIDS

Just wait for the physical! Just wait until you get physical.

BIG KIDS AND CHILDREN

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X.

CHILDREN

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

A spotlight makes its way through the letters on the board and finally settles on the

ends in the letter Z.

BIG KIDS

Just wait for phy-Zed!

BIG KIDS exits and MISS HONEY enters.

Miss

Good morning children! My name is Miss Honey. And today is a very special day:

your first day of school! Now, do any of you know either of your multiplication tables?

MATILDA raises her hand.

Miss

Marvelous. Matilda, isn't that right? Please stand up and do everything you can.

MATILDA

One times two is two. Two times two is four. Three times two is six. Four times

two is eight. Five times two is ten. Six times two is twelve. Seven times two is

fourteen. Eight times two is sixteen. Nine times two is eighteen. Ten times two is

twenty. Eleven times two is twenty-two. Twelve times two is twenty-four.

Miss

Well, my word. . .

MATILDA

Thirteen times two is twenty-six. Fourteen times two is twenty-eight. Fifteen

twice is thirty. Sixteen times two is thirty-two.

Miss

Arrest. Arrest! Heavens. How far can you go?

MATILDA

Don't know. A long way, I think.

Miss
Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is?

MATILDA

Fifty-six.

Miss Honey.

Yeah. Yeah! That's v–. . . How about this. Now, this is much more difficult, so don't

worry if you don't understand. Twice . . . four hundred and eighty-seven. If you

Take your time

MATILDA

Nine hundred and seventy-four.

Miss

Twelve sevens?

MATILDA

Eighty-four.

CHILDREN

By no means! [They start chattering]

Miss

Let's leave the math for the moment. . . and look at the reading. Now can anyone

Do you read this? [Underline the sentence on the board.]

MATILDA, LAVENDER and NIGEL raise their hands.

NIGEL

Oh, me, me, me, miss! I can! Me me me me.

Miss

Very good. Nigel

NIGEL leans forward in concentration and groans in agony several times. He screams

and turns around, slamming ERIC's lid onto ERIC's desk. He bites his cap

screaming through clenched teeth. MISS HONEY rushes to take out NIGEL's cap

mouth.

Miss

Well. Yes Yes. I think we'd better leave it there, Nigel. We don't want to explode
a blood vessel on your first day. Lavender?

LAVENDER

It's the first word. . "tomato"?

Miss

No. But "tomato" is a very good word.

LAVENDER

Yeah!

Miss

Matilda?

MATILDA

"Now I can read words."

Miss

So, Matilda. You can read words.

MATILDA

Yeah. Well, I needed to learn to read words so I could read sentences. Because

Basically a sentence is just a big group of words. And if you can't read

sentences, you don't have a chance with books.

MISS HONEY lures MATILDA to the end of class.

Miss

AND. . . have you read a whole book? Yourself, Matilda?

MATILDA

Oh yeah. More than one. I love books. I read quite a few last week.

Miss

A few! In. . . in . . in a week. Oh my god, that's good. What books did you make?

read?

MATILDA

Nicholas Nickleby. . . Oliver Twist . . . Jane Eyre . . . Tess of the

D'Urbervilles. . . The Lord of the Rings. . . Kim . . The invisible

Man . . The secret garden. . . Crime and punishment. . . and . . Cat in the
Hat!

The school bell rings and all the children come out. The desks descend to the

floor. MISS TRUNCHBULL'S office, complete with her in a high-backed chair (facing

the back of the stage) enters. Miss HONEY looks at the audience and raises her hands

fist.

Miss

Knock on the door, Jenny. Just knock on the door.

Don't be pathetic!

Knock on the door, Jenny. There is nothing to fear.

You're being pathetic!

It's just a door. You've seen one before.

Just knock on the door.

Look at you trying to hide, you fool.

Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl.

It's pathetic!

Oh! Right.

Look at you doubting. The hand shakes.

You should be ashamed. You are not a little girl.

It's just pathetic.

Knock on the door, Jenny. What are you waiting for?

Just knock on the door. . .

Maybe I'll wait. She's probably having a meeting or something and doesn't want to be interrupted.
If anything,

Caution in these situations is sensible. One should avoid confrontation whenever possible. I'll be
back later then.

But this little girl. . .

This miracle. .

Knock on the door, Jenny. Just knock on the door.

Don't be pathetic!

MISS Honey knocks three times and makes a face.

Miss Trunchbull

Enter!

MISS HONEY turns around and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching several video screens playing

images of their Olympic games while a commentator narrates softly in the background.

She is paralyzed with fear.

Miss Trunchbull

Don't just stand there like a wet handkerchief. Let's get to work.

Miss

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, Miss Trunchbull. There is, erm. . . In. . . In. . . In my class,

That is, there is a girl named Matilda Wormwood. AND ...?.?!.?!.?.? AND? AND.? TO.?. AND??..
AND? TO? Aaaaah... AND... AND....... TO. AND. AND.. .... TO. AND. - plow. Yyyy
aaaaaaaaaaaahs .a.!. AND. TO.. AND... AND... If not... aaaa a. And her. You like it when it moves,
don't you? And there! Let's see !. Fuck your life! Let's have a good breakfast, a good lunch! And,
what... - What? "And... what else does he love!" "What? AND! ¡! ¡!". And you? ''He added. What is
this? What's wrong with her and what? '', Said. "." ". Where? AND? ..."?... ...... AND ... ....... ......
AND... .. "" - and ->. _ {1} {{{}} \}}}. ""..., "," AND

Miss Trunchbull

Daughter of Mr. Harry Wormwood, owner of Wormwood Moturs. Excellent man. He told me that

Be careful with the brat, though; he says he's a real wart.

Miss

Oh no, director. I don't think Matilda is that kind of girl at all.

MISS TRUNCHBULL turns off the screens with a remote control and turns around, holding a

magnifying glass.

Miss Trunchbull

What is your school motto, Miss Honey?

Miss

"Child is wise."

Miss Trunchbull

"Child is wise." Children are worms! In fact, it must have been her who

put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. I'll have it for that. Thank you

for suggesting it. [She turns the screens back on.]

Miss

But I didn't. . . ? Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius!

Miss Trunchbull

Nonsense. Didn't I just tell you she's a gangster?

Miss

She knows her multiplication tables.

Miss Trunchbull

So she learned some tricks.

Miss

Oh, but she can read!

Miss Trunchbull

So I can!

Miss

I have to tell you, Director, that in. . . in . . In my opinion, this

The girl must be placed in the best shape with the eleven-year-old boys!

Miss Trunchbull

That? [Turns off the screens again.] But she's a squib. A shrimp A

unhatched tadpole. We can't just put her in the best shape with eleven-year-olds. What kind of
society would that be? What about the rules, honey? Rules?

Miss

I believe that. . . Matilda Wormwood is an exception. . . to the rules

Miss Trunchbull

An exception. To the rules. At my school?

Look at these trophies.

See how my trophies shine in the sunlight?

See how they shine?

What do you think it took to become English hammer throw champion in 1969?

[He stands up and approaches MISS MIE menacingly, towering over her]

Do you think that at that moment, when my big moment came,

That I treated the rules with casual disregard?

Good? Like hell!

When I approached the circle, did I change my plan?

Hm? That?

While I was marking my palms with my hands, did I wave my hands?

I didn't do it!

When I started my turn, did I look at the view?

Did I fall asleep and dream for a minute or two?

Do you think I've faltered or changed my rotation?

Do you think I altered my intended elevation?

When the hammer took off, did I change my growl?

From the growl he had practiced for many months?

It's not a jota!

I never deviated from the plot at all.

No detail of my launch was adjusted or forgotten.

Not even when the hammer left my hands

And he sailed high, above the steps

Did I let myself go?

No, no, no, no [ad lib.]

[He turns and walks back to his desk. She delicately reaches out and captures a

figure of a woman throwing a hammer.]

If you want to throw the hammer for your country,

You have to stay inside the circle at all times.

[She murmurs along with the music.]

And if you want to be part of the team,

You don't need happiness or self-esteem.

You just need to keep your feet inside the line.

[She presses an intercom on her desk.]

Sing, children. Two three four.

KIDS and BIG KIDS appear in the boxes in the upper left and upper right corner of the

stage and sing.

Miss Trunchbull and children

If you want to throw the hammer for your country.

BIG KIDS

Child is wise.

Miss Trunchbull and children

You have to stay inside the circle.

Miss Trunchbull

- all the time.

BIG KIDS

Circle, maggitum, maggitum.

Miss Trunchbull

And if you want to teach success,

You don't use sympathy or tenderness.

KIDS AND BIG KIDS

Sensitivity.

Miss Trunchbull

You have to force the little squits to follow the line!

[She takes a cane with a yellow ribbon attached and begins to spin towards the

music.]

Sing, Jenny! Two three four!

MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS AND CHILDREN

If you want to throw the hammer for your country,

BIG KIDS

Baby! Baby! Gloria Magitum!

MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS AND CHILDREN

You have to stay inside the circle at all times.

BIG KIDS
The circle is God! God!

Miss Trunchbull

Apply only one simple rule

For hammer throwing, life and school:

Life is a ball, so learn to throw it,

Find the bally line and peel it,

And always keep your feet inside the line!

[He throws the baton across the stage, does a flip to catch it and points at it.

finger on MISS Honey.]

Go out now.

MISS TRUNCHBULL takes the tape back to her desk and sits down. She starts the

video screens playing again.

Miss

I have to tell you, director, that I intend to help this little one.

little girl. Whether you like it or not.

MISS HONEY exits the front of the stage. The scene changes to absinthe

hall. MRS WORMWOOD and MICHAEL sit in the armchairs. MATILDA sits down

reading a book. MR WORMWOOD walks around the stage.

Mr. Wormwood

Stupid, disgusting, stinky, slimy. . . Great, great, asking. . . How dare you

They talk to me like that! Who the hell do they think they are? Flipping, dirty,

nasty and stupid russians!

LADY Wormwood

Don't tell me We are not rich

Mr. Wormwood

It's the mileage. They took a look at the mileage of the first car and said

that these cars were all wrecked. I told them, I said, "Hey. The reason why

the mileage is so high it is a manufacturing error."

MATILDA
Is that true?

Mr. Wormwood

Of course it's not true.

MATILDA

So you lied?

Mr. Wormwood

Of course I lied!

MATILDA

And they didn't believe you?

Mr. Wormwood

Of course they didn't believe me: I have green hair!

MIGUEL

I have hair

MR WORMWOOD runs over and grabs MATILDA's book.

Mr. Wormwood

What is this? Another flaming book? What's wrong with TV?

LADY Wormwood

She has no respect, that one. With her, everything is "books" and "stories."

MATILDA

Oh no, it's a lovely book. Honest. You should read it. I'm sure that...

Mr. Wormwood

"Charming"? This is what I think of your love: [starts pulling the book like

though to destroy it.]

MATILDA

No, it's a library book! It's from the library!

LADY Wormwood

You show the brat! Go ahead then!

MR WORMWOOD is having a lot of trouble with the book, even putting his foot in it

and pulling from that.

Mr. Wormwood

Oh, this is thick! How do you do this? Come on!

Finally, take an individual page with joy.

Mr. Wormwood

Look what I just found! Look at that! They are individual!

He tears several pages and throws them dramatically to the floor.

Mr. Wormwood

Now get out of here, you stinking little worm! [to MICHAEL] Get up, boy.

MICHAEL stands up and MR WORMWOOD sits down in his recliner. MICHAEL sits in his

lap. MR WORMWOOD tickles him and MICHAEL suddenly laughs, then falls back into his

normal bored expression MATILDA picks up the remains of her book.

MATILDA

Do we have any super glue?

Mr. Wormwood

In the pantry. And while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book on

your stupid head?

The Wormwoods laugh. His furniture comes out of the stage and a coat rack with

MR WORMWOOD's hat and umbrella are the protagonists. MATILDA opens a

closet at the front of the stage.

MATILDA

Just because you discover that life is not fair,

It doesn't mean you just have to grin and bear it.

If you always carry it on your chin and use it,

Nothing will change.

[She puts the book in the cupboard and rushes to the coat rack with a bottle

reading "sooper gloo". She uses the umbrella to lower the hat and begins

covering it with glue.]

Even if you are small, you can do a lot. You

You shouldn't let a little thing like "small" stop you.

If you sit back and let them get on top, you

I might as well be saying that you think it's okay,

And that's not right!

MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. She holds the hat

out to him. He takes it and crushes it firmly over his head.

Mr. Wormwood

I've got my eye on you, boy.

MATILDA

I'm a girl!

MR WORMWOOD exits. The coat rack is removed. Children and big children run,

creating pandemonium. Finally, they calm down, but LAVENDER continues

jumps down next to MATILDA, who is reading.

LAVENDER

Matilda? Can I ask you a question? Do all those brains in your head give you a

headache? I mean, it's got to hurt, everyone squashed in there.

MATILDA

No, it's okay. I think they just fit together.

LAVENDER

Right. Well, I'd better stay just in case. If they start screaming

from your ears, you're going to need help. [She extends her hand towards MATILDA, who

[He takes it.] I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're the best.

friends!

NIGEL runs up the steps to the left, screaming.

NIGEL

Hide me! Someone poured a whole can of syrup on Trunchbull's chair. She sat down

down, and when she got up. . . Her panties stuck to the seat! Someone

I told him I did, but I never did it! And now she's chasing me!

MATILDA

It's not fair! That's not fair at all!

BIG BOY

You're done, kid. Are

BIG KIDS

Finished!

BIG BOY [RYAN]

Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're...

BIG KIDS

Crushed!

BIG BOY [TAMIKA]

Yesterday, Julius Rottwinkle was caught having a bite to eat during science. She

he just picked it up, spun it around and threw it into the...

BIG KIDS

Window!

MATILDA

Don't listen to them. That didn't happen. They are trying to scare us.

NIGEL

Oh, Matilda! They say he's going to put me in Chokey!

MATILDA

That . . . What is chokey

NIGEL

They say it's a closet in his office where he throws the kids. They say

She is lined with nails, spikes and pieces of broken glass.

BIG KIDS

There's a place they send you if you haven't been good,

BIG BOY [BEN]

And it is made of dowels and wood.

BIG KIDS

And it's not wide enough to sit on.

BIG BOY [TAYLOR]

And even if you could,

BIG KIDS

There are nails in the bottom,

BIG BOY [TAYLOR]

So you wish...

BIG KIDS

Outstanding!

When the hinges creak and the door closes,

You can't see squats

BIG BOY [TAMIKA]

It's not the end of your nose.

BIG KIDS

And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out,

Or if the scream in your head reached your mouth!

Auuurrrgh!

MATILDA looks at his spectacular display with indifference and extends a palm to

they.

MATILDA

All good. [to Nigel] When did this happen?

NIGEL

Twenty minutes ago. But why?

From the stage, MISS TRUNCHBULL blows her whistle.

NIGEL

Oh no, she's coming!

MATILDA

You better hide! Quick, jackets!

NIGEL lies down on the floor. Kids and big kids take off their blazers

and throw them on top of him. They line up at the back of the stage. LOSE

TRUNCHBULL runs in, blowing his whistle, and chases ERIC until he is
drawn into training by two GREAT KIDS.

Miss Trunchbull

[to MATILDA] You! Where is the worm known as Nigel?

MATILDA

It's over there, under those coats.

Children and big children lower their heads. MISS TRUNCHBULL walks heavily towards

the coats.

MATILDA

Where have you been for the last hour, actually.

Miss Trunchbull

That? One hour?

MATILDA

Oh yeah. You see, unfortunately, Nigel suffers from a rare but chronic sleep disorder.

disorder, narcolepsy. The condition is characterized by the patient's experience

episodes of chronic fatigue and falling asleep suddenly, often without knowing it, or

any warning at all. You see, he fell asleep and we put him under the coats for

security. No? No?

KIDS AND BIG KIDS

Yeah!

BIG BOY [RYAN]

Narcolopsy!

MATILDA

You'll probably think you're in bed when you wake up.

NIGEL sits up, yawning and stretching.

NIGEL

Is it time for school yet, Mom? Hello! What am I doing here? Well, this is not my

room at all! Hello, Miss Trunchbull.

Angry, MISS TRUNCHBULL looks from NIGEL to MATILDA and back again.

Miss Trunchbull
Amanda Thripp.

The KIDS and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in the spotlight.

AMANDA

Yes, Miss Trunchbull?

Miss Trunchbull

What have I told you about wearing pigtails? I hate pigtails!

MISS TRUNCHBULL rushes towards AMANDA. The BIG KIDS and the KIDS sneak away.

AMANDA

But my mom likes them! She says they make me look pretty!

Miss Trunchbull

Then your mom is an idiot!

MISS TRUNCHBULL grabs AMANDA by the pigtails and spins her around and around. the

the stage goes black. When the lights come back on, AMANDA is gone. The BIG CHILDREN and

The CHILDREN take various positions around the stage and audience, pointing

everywhere The announcer of the MISS TRUNCHBULL videos begins to commentate.

The light bulbs go out. A spotlight searches the theater. All the time, AMANDA's

the screams get louder.

BIG BOY

Here she comes!

"AMANDA" falls from the rafters onto the audience in a pile of coats below

his. AMANDA stands up and screams triumphantly. MISS TRUNCHBULL waves victoriously,

then he starts blowing his whistle. The KIDS and the BIG KIDS line up again.

Miss Trunchbull

[to MATILDA] You! What is your name?

MATILDA

Matilda Matilda Wormwood.

Miss Trunchbull

So you're Wormwood, right? I could have known. Well, Matilda Wormwood. Have

I just made a huge mistake. [Gently straightening her collar, MISS TRUNCHBULL
exits from the front of the stage.]

LAVENDER

Just so you all know, she's my best friend!

BIG KIDS AND CHILDREN

Wow!

BIG KIDS and CHILDREN run away. Sequined ribbons are strung across the stage. MISTER

WORMWOOD enters with a footman, who sits on a tire behind him. The lackey is

wearing a shirt that says "Ajenjo Moturs."

Mr. Wormwood

New stock, sir! Oh yeah. Completely different cars, sir. Green hair? Yeah,

It was, er - [Gestures to the footman.] - National Green Hair Day! A celebration

of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and

booger. Tomorrow at one? Absolutely sir! Yeah. Goodbye, sir. Dosvedoo-dah. [He

[He throws the phone to the lackey.] That's how you do it! [He tries and fails]

take off one's hat, tugging on it several times.] The hat appears to be, er. . . [He

He stomps and crouches on the floor, pulling at his hat and making sounds.

effort. He flails around the stage.] Oh, my head! [He finally gives up and

He straightens up casually.] I think I'll stick with this. It looks like rain.

MR WORMWOOD takes his suitcase and leaves with the footman. The scene changes

to the absinthe room. Mrs. Wormwood has her leg up and RUDOLPHO is

holding him against his back. MISS Honey enters and knocks.

LADY Wormwood

Who is it?

Miss

Oh, hello. It's Miss Honey. Matilda's teacher?

LADY Wormwood

Not very busy at the moment!

Miss

Oh, it will just take a moment.

LADY Wormwood

Oh, come in if you must.

MISS Honey walks in and turns around in shock.

LADY Wormwood

This is Rudolpho! Oh, it's nothing like that. He is my dance partner. Were

rehearsing

RUDOLPHO walks over and extends his arm towards MISS HONEY.

Rudolpho

Bye

Miss

Oh, do you speak Italian? Hello, Rudolpho. Piacelli Are you here?

Rudolpho

Wot? Who is this, honey? You know what interruptions do to my energy flow. [He sits down

down in a zen position.]

LADY Wormwood

What do you want, Miss Chutney?

Miss

Oh, it's Miss Honey. Erm, well, as you know, Matilda is in the lower class. AND.

. . And children in the lower class are not expected to actually read.

LADY Wormwood

Well, then stop reading! God knows we've tried.

RUDOLPHO dances at the back of the stage.

Rudolpho

I'm in the zone, doll! I can feel it in my hips. Don't waste this. [Slides down]

at the stage of thighs on the left.]

LADY Wormwood

Look. I'm not in favour of girls wearing all the smart trousers, Miss Hussy. A woman

you should think about makeup and hair dye. Appearances are more important than books. Now,

look at you and look at me You chose books. I chose looks!

Rudolpho

Girls, I'm on fire, here! Please! [He dances backwards and MRS WORMWOOD follows him

along.]

Miss

But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant!

Rudolpho

Calculate this! [He steps aside in front of MISS HONEY.]

LADY Wormwood

Fantastic!

Miss

His mind is incredible. With a little help from us, she could go to college.

before her -

LADY Wormwood

Mind? Your mind? You don't really know anything, do you?

Somewhere along the way, darling,

You have made a terrible mistake.

You shouldn't blame yourself now, come on.

You seem to think that people like people who are intelligent.

It's very picturesque, it's very sweet.

But bad.

People don't like smart pants

Claiming they know things we don't know.

Now, here's a tip:

What you know matters less

That the volume with which you express what you don't know.

Content has never been less important, so

You have to be

NOISY!

Girl, you have to learn to stand up and stand out from the
Crew!

A little less flat, much more heel.

A little less fact, a lot more feeling.

A little less brain, a lot more hair.

A little less head, a lot more butt.

[She gets on all fours while RUDOLPHO rides her like a horse.]

Whoa! Neigh!

RUDOLPHO begins to dance with MISS HONEY and takes him with him, and continues

do throughout the song. MISS Honey, stunned, follows the dance as best she can.

LADY Wormwood

No one will tell you when to shake your tush.

Well, you have a light. Don't hide it under a bushel.

No one is going to look if you don't stand out.

No one will listen if you don't shout.

Nobody will care if you don't care

So go and put some highlights in your hair.

Because you have to highlight what you have.

Even if what you have is not much.

You have to be loud!

You have to give yourself permission to shine.

To stand up and be proud!

Whee!

A little less zzz, a lot more zing.

A little less shh, a lot more schwing.

A little less dressing like your mother.

A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom!

[She takes a mirror from the armchair.]

Oh, I look fine [to MISS Honey] You don't!

No one will tell you when to move your bumba.

Rudolpho

Nobody will love you if you don't know how to rumba.

LADY Wormwood

Everyone loves something exotic.

Rudolpho

But learning a language is over the top:

LADY Wormwood

It doesn't really matter if you don't know much!

Rudolpho

As long as you don't know it with the volume up.

MRS WORMWOOD puts a number on RUDOLPHO's back as if they were competing in a

dance competition

Mrs. Wormwood and Rudolpho

The less you have to sell, the harder it will be to sell.

The less you have to say, the louder you'll shout it.

The more foolish the act, the bigger the confession.

The less you have to show, the stronger you dress.

RUDOLPHO removes MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels

under it.

Mrs. Wormwood and Rudolpho

You have to get up!

You have to get up and be loud!

A table is placed with the word "Contest" stamped on the side. Four judges

in outrageous outfits they sit behind him.

JUDGE

Your judges!

Two more dance teams enter and join MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO in the

competence. They dance the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO

overtake them with a more complicated choreography.

LADY Wormwood

I'm the best! I'm the best! I'm the best!

Three judges hold signs that say "10" as MRS WORMWOOD sits at the table. She

holds the last "10".

LADY Wormwood

Ten! Of course! I mean, what else?

You have to be loud!

Stand out from the crowd!

Are you listening?

You have to be loud!

Stand up and be proud!

SINGERS OF BACKGROUND

Strong, strong, strong, strong!

Strong, strong, strong, strong!

Strong, strong, strong, strong!

LADY Wormwood

You have to be loud!

The other dancers and judges exit, leaving MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO in a drama.

position. Then they walk away. MISS HONEY is left in a stack stage on the right.

Miss

Stop being pathetic, Jenny. Just stand up, Jenny.

You're gonna march in there and give them a piece of your mind.

Leave him alone, Jenny. The more you try,

The more you look like a fool.

This is not your problem. You have no backbone.

You are a teacher Just go back to school!

But this little girl. . . This miracle. .

It seems like he doesn't know he's special at all.

And what kind of teacher would she be?

If I drop this little girl? I can see

This girl needs someone strong to fight by her side.

Instead, she found me. Pathetic, little me.

And another door closes. And Jenny is outside.

MISS HONEY comes out from behind the stacks as the library scene progresses. MRS PHELPS is

sitting on a stable and MATILDA is standing on one, holding the two dolls.

MATILDA

And so, the big day arrived! It was as if the whole world had gathered to watch

The hot woman, throwing herself through the air, with dynamite in her hair, over sharks

and sharp objects, caught by the man locked in a cage. Everything was arranged by

- [Puts his coat over his head to simulate a hunchback and grabs a large

book.] - Acrobat's sister, a terrifying woman who used to be an Olympic class

hammer thrower, who loved nothing better than scaring the town's children.

People whispered that in her dark and melancholy heart, she resented her sister.

both his success and his love.

The ESCAPOLOGIST begins to walk from the back of the stage. He stands on a

block.

MATILDA

Suddenly, the escapologist came out, dressed as always in his tights and very shorts.

costume. But there was no trace of the Acrobat, and not a glimpse of her brilliant

white handkerchief And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly

entered the room.

MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! The hot woman, launching herself through the air,

with dynamite in their hair, on sharks and sharp objects, caught by the locked-up man

in a cage has been. . . canceled!

Mrs. PHELPS

No!

MATILDA
Yeah! The audience gasped so loudly that a passing plane caught it.

instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon.

MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST

Cancelled, because my wife is. . . pregnant!

Mrs. PHELPS

Oh, Matilda!

MATILDA

Absolute silence. You might have heard a fly burp. Then, suddenly, the audience

He jumped to his feet and roared in gratitude!

An audience cheers. The ACROBAT enters from the back of the stage, and the

THE ESCAPOLOGIST takes her by the hand. They hug each other and leave through the back of the

scenery.

MATILDA

The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause continued for almost a

hour.

Mrs. PHELPS

So it has a happy ending!

MATILDA

Forgotten, by all but, that is - [Puts coat over head.] - the

Acrobat's sister. When everything calmed down, she stepped forward and

produced. . . a contract.

Mrs. PHELPS

TO . . . A contract?

MATILDA and the ACROBAT SISTER [offstage]

"A contract was signed to perform this feat, and you must perform this feat!"

Mrs. PHELPS

No!

MATILDA and the ACROBAT SISTER [offstage]

"I have paid for the posters, the advertising, the catering, the sanitary services. If I
give the crowd their money back, where is my profit? A contract is a contract is

a contract! My hands are tied. The hot woman, launching herself through the air, with

Dynamite in the hair, on sharks and sharp objects, caught by the man locked in a

The cage will be made, and it will be made this day, or. . . to jail both of them

"You must go!"

Mrs. PHELPS

No! No!

MATILDA strikes a dramatic pose, holding the large book above her head.

Mrs. PHELPS

Well, what happened next?

MATILDA

Don't know. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Mrs. PHELPS

That?! I don't know if my nerves will make it until tomorrow.

MATILDA

Mrs. Phelps? Are you crying? Maybe I shouldn't tell you anything else.

Mrs. PHELPS

Oh no, Matilda. We must find out how it ends. AND. . . I'm not crying because

it's sad. It's just that they love that child so much. It must be wonderful

for a child to be so desired.

MATILDA

Yes wonderful. Goodbye, Mrs. Phelps.

MRS PHELPS comes out with the blocks. MATILDA stands at the front of the stage while she

classmates enter and desks rise from the floor. They sit down and unpack their

pants. MISS HONEY comes in and clears the board.

Miss

Matilda? Can I speak for a moment, please? I'm afraid I haven't been too much

successful in getting others to recognize him. . . skills. So, starting

Tomorrow, I will bring a selection of very intelligent books that I think

challenge your mind. And you can sit and read while I teach the others and, well,

If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer them. How does that sound?

MATILDA looks at her for several seconds. Then he steps forward and hugs

I miss honey.

Miss

Matilda, that's it. . . That's the biggest hug in the world. [She wraps her hands

around MATILDA.] You're going to embrace all the air of me.

Miss Trunchbull

Matilda Wormwood! Matilda Wormwood!

MISS HONEY walks away from MATILDA as MISS TRUNCHBULL enters through the blackboard.

Miss Trunchbull

Where is Ma–

MATILDA raises her hand.

MATILDA

Yes, Miss Trunchbull.

Miss Trunchbull

So you admit it, right?

MATILDA

Admit what, Miss Trunchbull?

Miss Trunchbull

This clot, this filthy carbuncle, is none other than a disgusting criminal! [She

takes MATILDA by the wrist and leads her to ERIC's desk.] A citizen of the

underworld! A member of the mafia! [She pushes ERIC out of his seat so that MATILDA can

stand on his desk.]

ERIC

Ah!

Miss Trunchbull

This morning, you snuck like a snake into the kitchen and stole a slice of my

chocolate cake deprived of my tea tray.

MATILDA

No, I didn't!

Miss

[placingly] Miss Trunchbull. Matilda has been here all morning.

Miss Trunchbull

Standing by the little ball of spit, right? Well, this crime happened before

School started. And therefore, she is guilty!

The room freezes as MISS TRUNCHBULL begins to write the word "GUILTY" on the

board. There is a spotlight on BRUCE as he begins to speak.

BRUCE

Well! Look! All good! I stole the cake. And honestly, I was really, definitely,

more or less, almost thinking about being an owner. Maybe. But the thing was that I was having a

Many problems with my belly. You see, the Trunchbull cake was so good that I

He scoffed too quickly, and now he was starting to defend himself. [His stomach

[grunts.] Wow! See!

BRUCE turns around and the scene unfreezes. MISS TRUNCHBULL finishes writing

the word "GUILTY" on the board.

MATILDA

I'm not guilty! I didn't do anything!

Miss Trunchbull

You are guilty, because you are a demon. You are a scammer You are a thief! Me too

will crush you I will hit you. I will send you to the seventh circle of

Hell, kid. You will be. . . You will be destroyed.

BRUCE rolls over and burps for a full ten seconds. Children hit on their

seating. The scene freezes again for BRUCE to speak.

BRUCE

It was the biggest burp I had ever made. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard.

The biggest burp I've ever heard of! It was like the whole world had gone silent.

for that burp to exist.

A purple spotlight begins to make its way from Bruce across the classroom.

BRUCE

As a huge cloud of chocolate gas came out of my mouth and floated through the

class. Lavender gone. Past Alice. Matilda past. And then, my big, big, beautiful

The chocolate burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, floated completely in the

Trunchbull face!

The scene thaws. MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her.

The CHILDREN, except BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. LOSE

Trunchbull sniffs and licks the air. Then he makes his way across the room,

following the previous path of the center of attention. She stops triumphantly.

Miss Trunchbull

Bruce Bogtrotter.

BRUCE

Yes, miss?

Miss Trunchbull

You liked my cake, didn't you, Bruce?

BRUCE

Yes, Miss Trunchbull! And I'm so sorry

Miss Trunchbull

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. While you enjoy the cake. That's the main thing.

BRUCE

It is?

Miss Trunchbull

Yeah! Bogtrotter, it is.

BRUCE

Well, I did. Thank you.

Miss Trunchbull

Marvelous. Marvelous. That makes me very happy. It gives me a warm glow down below

intestine. Oh cook. . .
The cook enters, holding a huge chocolate cake on a tray, along with a wooden

spoon. He leaves it on the desk behind BRUCE. She leaves, but not before scratching herself.

she behind and wiping her nose.

Miss Trunchbull

What's wrong, Bogtrotter? Have you lost your appetite?

BRUCE

Well, yes. I'm full.

Miss Trunchbull

Oh no, you're not "full." I'll tell you when you're full. And I say that

criminals like you aren't full until you've eaten the whole cake.

BRUCE

But -

Miss Trunchbull

"No buts." You don't have time for "buts." Eat.

BRUCE

But I can't eat it all!

Miss

Director, he must be sick!

Miss Trunchbull

I should have thought about that before I made a pact with Satan and decided

steal my cake!

[sometimes, to keep up with the music: Well? [Come on!]

Eat!

CHILDREN

He can't!

Miss Trunchbull

Eat!

CHILDREN

Surely it can't!
Miss Trunchbull

Eat!

CHILDREN

It could explode!

Miss Trunchbull

Eat!!

MISS TRUNCHBULL walks to the board. Throughout the song, she writes about

the board: "Copy a million times by tomorrow. I am FULL when and only when

The director says I'm FULL. I am guilty when the principal says I am guilty."

CHILDREN

A single slice,

Or even two, Bruce,

It could have been nice

But even you, Bruce,

Having to admit

Between you and that

There is not much difference in size.

CHILDREN 1

He can't!

CHILDREN 2

He can!

Bruce!

CHILDREN 1

Surely it can't!

Surely it can't!

CHILDREN 2

You are the man,

Bruce!

CHILDREN 1
It could explode!

CHILDREN 2

He is quite elastic. . .

CHILDREN 1

He's going to explode. Make it stop!

CHILDREN 2

He is fantastic! Look at him go!

CHILDREN 1

I can't look!

CHILDREN

I think so indeed

This should confirm, Bruce,

What we all suspected.

You have a worm

Bruce!

Or maybe your breadth

It's like the TARDIS:

Considerably more spacious inside.

CHILDREN 1

He can't!

CHILDREN 2

He can!

CHILDREN 1

Surely it can't!

Surely it can't!

CHILDREN 2

You are the man,

Bruce!

CHILDREN
BROOCE!

Bruce!

You'll never be subject to abuse from your massive caboose again.

She'll call a truce, Bruce.

With every sip, you're tightening the noose.

We never thought it was possible

But here it is, coming true:

We can have our cake too!

It's time to put that tumbling-tum into practice.

There's no excuse, Bruce.

Loosen your belt. I think you'll want your pants loose.

Oh -

Fill in. (Bruce!) You're almost done. (Bruce!)

You'll get the hang of it.

Whatever you do, just don't give up.

Don't let her win.

Come on, Bruce, be our hero.

Cover yourself in chocolate glory!

BRUCE

It's too much! It's too much!

MATILDA

Come on Bruce. Do it.

Miss Trunchbull

Silence!

BRUCE wilts by the desk. LAVENDER returns the wooden spoon to her hand. The CAE

again Then after several seconds he picks it up and returns to the cake with

renewed vigor.

CHILDREN

Oh -
Bruce!

You'll never be subject to abuse from your massive caboose again.

She'll call a truce, Bruce.

Just one more bite and you'll have completely cooked your goose.

We never thought it was possible

But here it is, coming true:

We can have our cake and eat it.

Ah-ah-aah-ah

Ah-ah-aah-ah

Ah-ah-aah-ah

Ah-ah-aah-ah

The children and Miss Honey

Ah!

MISS HONEY jumps up and down with joy.

Miss

Let's go Brucey! Yeah! Yeah! [He pauses and realizes what he has done, and slowly

[He puts his hands down.] I'm sorry, Miss Trunchbull. I got carried away.

Miss Trunchbull

That's good, Jenny. We all get carried away sometimes. Even me. [Looking

Irritated, she heads to BRUCE's side.] Well done, Bogtrotter. Good show.

[He exits the stairs and stops behind the first part of the audience.]

Good? Come on, Bogtrotter.

BRUCE

That? Where?

Miss Trunchbull

Oh, did I mention? That was just the first part of your punishment. There is

more - the second part. And the second part is Chokey!

BRUCE

That?!
Miss

No. No, Miss Trunchbull. Please. You can't

Miss Trunchbull

Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you may! Do you think I would allow myself to be

defeated by these worms, right? Who do you think I am, Miss Honey? A weakling?

An idiot? A fool? You?

Miss

He ate it all. He did what you asked.

MISS TRUNCHBULL takes BRUCE by the wrist and leads him to the front of the stage.

BRUCE

I did! I ate everything! Please! No! No, there isn't! Don't take me to Chokey! Please!

No! No!

MATILDA

That's not right!

Lights out

MATILDA THE MUSICAL

ACT 2

Approximately 5 minutes before the end of the intermission, the curtain rises to reveal a

Microphone in the middle of the stage. MR WORMWOOD approaches. He touches it

and screams.

Mr. Wormwood

Ladies and gentlemen! Hey. Before continuing with the procedures, I would like to

I would like to offer an apology for some of the things that have been happening here

tonight. They are not good things, and they are not right things. And I would like

We would like to say, with certainty, that we would not like there to be children who could be

Here tonight watching this to go home and try this stuff for themselves.

Of course, I'm talking about reading books. Now, it is not normal for children

behave in this way. It boosts the brain, wears out the eyes; makes children

Ugly, smelly, greasy, sweaty, boring, gassy Betty. . . and crucially, it gives
they lice of the soul. Under no circumstances do we condone such activities,

and we do it completely without reservoirs.

Now, may I ask, by way of a show of hands, how many adults are here?

Have you ever read a book? Come on, put them up.

MR WORMWOOD gets the name of someone in the audience.

Mr. Wormwood

Don't take this the wrong way, but. . . Bookworm! Bookworm! Reading all the books

like a little stinky worm You read books, like a worm. Worms read books. You read

books. Worms are stupid. You're a s-wurm.

There, now [audience member name] will learn from that. He/she will not stop

reading, but. . . [He/she] will never put [his/her] hand in a theater again!

Ladies and gentlemen! May I present to you today the pinnacle of our achievements?

as a species The reason we bothered to evolve from unicorns in the

first place.

MICHAEL pulls out a TV, which has a ukulele hanging from its back.

Mr. Wormwood

Somewhere, on a program, I heard

That a picture says more than a thousand words.

So, TV, if you bothered to take a look,

It is the equivalent of, like. . . A lot of books!

Every time the word "tele" is mentioned in the following verses, MICHAEL screams

The word together with his father.

Mr. Wormwood

Everything I know, I learned from television.

This big beautiful box of facts.

If you already know something,

Baby, you can change the channel just like that.

Endless joy and endless laughter.

People who live happily ever after.

Everything you need to become wise

It's twenty-three minutes plus commercials.

Why would we waste our energy?

Turning the pages, one, two, three?

When we can sit comfortably,

In our lovely bumferlies,

Seeing people singing, talking and doing things?

Everything I know, I learned from television.

The bigger the TV, the smarter the man.

You can see it from my big TV

What a smart partner I am!

Take it off, son.

MICHAEL steps forward and, after consideration, plays a note on his ukulele.

After a pause, he looks down and plays another sad note.

Mr. Wormwood

You can't learn that from a stupid book, [audience member name]!

Everything I know, I learned from television.

What to think and what to buy.

I was already pretty smart

But now I'm very, very smart, very, very smart.

Endless content, endless channels,

Endless chat on endless panels.

Everything you need to fill your bun,

Without having to really hassle or nuffin.

Why would we waste our energy?

Trying to solve "ooh"-lysses?

When we can sit happily in our lovely bapperlies

Seeing slightly famous people talking to really famous people?

Everything I know I learned from TV.

The bigger the TV, the smarter the man.

You can see it from my big TV

How smart I am as a partner.

MICHAEL runs out and grabs a giant trash can. MR WORMWOOD walks towards a small

book cart and starts throwing books over his shoulder, and MICHAEL catches them

The garbage dump.

Mr. Wormwood

Who is Charles Dickens? Mary Shelley? Cor, she sounds smelly.

Charlotte Bronte? I don't want-and! Jane Austin? In the compostin'. James Joyce? He

doesn't Ewen McEwan sound loud? Ugh, I feel like Spewin'. William Shakespeare?

Schwilliam Schmakespeare. Moby Dick? [Laughs.] Easy, Grandma!

All together now!

Everything I know, I learned from TV!

The bigger the TV, the smarter the man.

You can see it from my big TV

What a smart guy I am.

Thank you so much.

Some of the CHILDREN go up on stage to take the props. LAVENDER walks towards

the microphone as if to remove it, but after making sure that no one is looking at it,

She brings him down to her level and starts talking to him.

LAVENDER

Hello. I'm Lavender, by the way. Matilda's best friend! There is a little to come

that's all about me! Well, not exactly about me. But I play an important role in it.

But I'm not going to say what happens, because I don't want to spoil it.

[She starts walking off stage with the microphone, then stops.]

All good. Look. What I do is volunteer to give the Trunchbull a jug of water.

And on the way back. . . No! I don't want to tell you more because I don't

I want to ruin it!

[She walks off the stage. After a moment, she runs back.]
Good . . . On the way back, I meet a newt. A newt is like a really ugly lizard

that lives in the water And then I pick it up and. . . No! I'm not saying anything else!

[She raises her fists and growls, then walks away. Before she can do it

stage, she turns around.]

I'm gonna put the newt in the Trunchbull's jar! It's going to be brilliant!

LAVENDER ends and the stage goes dark as the Entr'acte plays. When the lights come on

Again, there are four swings hanging from the beams. BRUCE and TOMMY sit in two

of them. BRUCE is holding a sign that says "I've been to CHOKEY." Like the

As the song progresses, several KIDS and then BIG KIDS come down a slide in

the back of the stage and take turns on the swings.

BRUCE

When I grow up,

I will be tall enough to reach the branches

What do I need to achieve to climb?

The trees you can climb

When you grow up.

Bruce and Tommy

And when I grow up

I will be smart enough to answer everyone

The questions you need to know

The answers to

Before you grow up.

AMANDA and ERIC

And when I grow up

I will eat sweets every day

On the way to work,

And I'll go to bed late every night.

And I will wake up

When the sun rises,

And I'll watch cartoons until my eyes roll off.

CHILDREN

- And I won't care

Because I will be a grown-up.

When I grow up. . .

When I grow up,

(When I grow up, when I grow up)

I will be strong enough to carry everything

The heavy things you have to carry

Around you

When you are an adult

And when I grow up

(When I grow up, when I grow up)

I will be brave enough to fight the creatures

That you have to fight

Under the bed every night

To be an adult.

BIG KIDS

And when I grow up

I will have treats every day,

And I'll play with things that mom pretends

That moms don't think are funny.

And I will wake up

When the sun rises,

And I'll spend the whole day lying in the sun

And I won't burn myself

Because I will be a grown-up. . .

When I grow up. . .

KIDS and BIG KIDS recline in various parts of the stage. Miss, honey is coming
He climbs the stairs at the side of the stage and sits on a swing. MATILDA enters

shortly after from the other side of the stage.

Miss

When I grow up,

I will be brave enough to fight the creatures

That you have to fight

Under the bed every night

To be an adult.

When I grow up. . .

The KIDS and the BIG KIDS begin to dissipate.

MATILDA

Just because you discover that life is not fair,

It doesn't mean you just have to grin and bear it.

If you always carry it on your chin and use it,

Nothing will change.

The swings rise into the air and the scene behind them slowly changes to

library.

Miss

When I grow up. . .

[She begins to walk off stage.]

MATILDA

Just because I find myself in this story,

It doesn't mean that everything is written for me.

If I think the ending is already fixed,

I might as well be saying

I think it's okay

And that's not right!

Mrs. PHELPS

Matilda, how lovely to see you. Are you enjoying school?

MATILDA

Oh yeah. A little bit, anyway. . . . Mrs. Phelps! Where is the revenge section?

Mrs. PHELPS

That?! Well, we don't have a "revenge" section. Because? Is there a child at school?

Who acts like a bully?

MATILDA

Oh no. He's not a child, exactly.

Mrs. PHELPS

Matilda, are you sure about something?

MATILDA

Do you want to hear the next part of my story?

Mrs. PHELPS

History? Did you say "story"? You said . . . Matilda! What are we waiting for?

Behind MATILDA and MRS PHELPS, the library stacks parted. TOMMY and HORTENSIA

lead the ACROBAT and the ESCAPOLOGIST onto the stage, carrying flames. The ACROBAT's

the hair has dynamite. As MATILDA narrates, the ESCAPOLOGIST and ACROBAT act

the scene.

MATILDA

Slowly, very slowly, the Acrobat wrapped her bright white scarf around herself.

The husband's neck.

MATILDA AND ACROBAT

"Luckily, my love -"

MATILDA

- she said, kissing him with the softest kisses.

MATILDA and ACROBAT

"Smile. We've done it a thousand times."

MATILDA

But suddenly, she hugged him with the biggest hug in the world, so tight that he

he thought she would embrace all of his air. And so, they prepared for
the most dangerous feat ever attempted.

The ESCAPOLOGIST and the ACROBAT hold hands and leave the

scenery.

MATILDA

The great escapologist had to escape from the cage, peek out, catch his wife with

With one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other and put out the flames

specially designed dress within twelve seconds before reaching the dynamite

and blew his wife's head off!

Mrs. PHELPS screams in terror. MATILDA looks at her questioningly.

Mrs. PHELPS

Sorry, please continue.

MATILDA calls Mrs. PHELPS to sit on the floor with her. A white sheet covers the

behind the scenes and the silhouettes represent MATILDA's story about him.

MATILDA

The trick started well. At the moment the specially designed dress caught fire,

the acrobat rose into the air. The crowd held their breath as she launched herself at him.

sharks and sharp objects. One second. Two seconds. They saw how the flames

She pulled up her dress. Three seconds Four seconds She began to spread her arms

towards the cage. Five seconds. Six seconds! Suddenly the locks opened,

and the huge chains fell off. Seven seconds Eight seconds The door swung open.

and the escape artist extended a huge, muscular arm to catch his wife and her

child. Nine seconds! Ten seconds!

Mrs. PHELPS

Oh, I can't look!

MATILDA

Eleven seconds! And he takes her hand, and. . . and . . and suddenly, the

The flames foam up before they can both be blown to pieces.

Mrs. PHELPS

Hurrah! So the story has a happy ending after all.

MATILDA

No.

Mrs. PHELPS

No?

MATILDA

No. Maybe it was the child's thought. Maybe it was the nerves. But the

escapologist used just a touch too much foam. And suddenly, his hands turned

slippery, and she fell.

Mrs. PHELPS

It wasn't. . . Was she okay? Did . . . Did she survive?

The parts of the leaf and the ESCAPOLOGIST walk slowly forward, carrying the ACROBAT

his arms.

MATILDA

She broke every bone in her body. Except for those at the end of their little

fingers. She managed to live long enough to have her son, but the effort

It was very good "Love our little one," he said. "Love our daughter with all your

heart. She was everything we ever wanted."

The ESCAPOLOGIST brings the ACROBAT to the front of the stage.

ACROBAT VOICE

Love our girl with everything. She is everything.

MATILDA

And then, she died.

Mrs. PHELPS walks over to a book cart and blows her nose into a handkerchief.

MATILDA

And then things got worse.

MRS PHELPS collapses against the cart.

Mrs. PHELPS

That? "Worse"? Oh no, Matilda. Not worse They can't get any worse.

MATILDA
I'm afraid they did. Because the escapologist was so kind that never by one

second blamed the evil sister for what happened. In fact, he asked her to move.

and help take care of her daughter. She was nothing but rude to the girl,

making her wash, iron, cook and clean, and hitting her if she did something wrong.

But always in secret, so that the escapologist never suspects anything. And then the

poor girl grew up with the cruelest, cruelest, most horrible aunt you can ever ask for

possible to imagine!

Mrs. PHELPS

Let's call the police!

MATILDA

Mrs. Phelps! Is. . . It's just a story.

Mrs. PHELPS

That? Oh. Oh yeah. Of course. Matilda, you are very smart. Your parents must think

They won the lottery by having a son like you.

MATILDA

Oh yeah. Yes, they do. They always say that, in fact. They say: "Matilda,

We are so proud of you You are like winning the lottery "... Yes, it will be better

go.

MRS PHELPS comes out and starts from the book shelves. The scene changes to absinthe

hall. MR WORMWOOD enters, dancing.

Mr. Wormwood

[to the tune of "Telly"] I'm so smart, I'm so smart. I am very very very very

very intelligent. I am very, very smart. What a smart guy I am! [to MRS

Wormwood] Come here! [He dances with her, spinning her around.]

LADY Wormwood

No, stop, stop. There's only one man I do that with!

Mr. Wormwood

Everyone, gather around. I want my family to share in my success. Not you, boy.

MATILDA
I'm a girl!

Mr. Wormwood

One hundred and fifty-five old blows on my hands. All polished, but the

mileage on the car telling the truth: that each one was wrecked. How could I

possibly roll back the mileage? I couldn't drive each one backwards,

Could?

MIGUEL

Backward.

Mr. Wormwood

When suddenly, I had the most brilliant idea in the world. I meet the workshop. I

grab a drill. And using my amazing mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer

of the first car. I turned it on. I hit him in reverse.

MIGUEL

Backward!

MR WORMWOOD gives MICHAEL a high five.

Mr. Wormwood

Yes boy! Backward! Backward. Exactly. Now, the motor of a drill: it rolls backwards

thousands of times per second. And within a few minutes, I had reduced the mileage.

in that old rust bucket to practically nothing. I did it with every car!

MIGUEL

Backward!

LADY Wormwood

Stop talking now, honey. There is a good boy.

Mr. Wormwood

Ten minutes later, the Russians appear. Big, big, nasty-faced apes. Expensive

suits, dark glasses; I don't know who they thought they were.

LADY Wormwood

Oh! Russians are nocturnal. I saw it on a show last night.

MATILDA
That was badgers. It was a show about badgers.

LADY Wormwood

The same thing! . . . And did it work?

MR WORMWOOD shows him a suitcase full of money. Miss Wormwood screams.

LADY Wormwood

Fantastic! Now I can afford Rudolpho all day!

MATILDA

But you tricked them! That's not fair at all. They have trusted in you, and you have

deceived them

LADY Wormwood

What's wrong with you? What have we done to deserve a child like you?

MR WORMWOOD throws away the suitcase. Behind him, the scene changes to MATILDA

room.

Mr. Wormwood

Do you know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going down to that library and

tell that old bag that they will never let you in again.

MATILDA

That? No! Please no!

Mr. Wormwood

And if she does, I'll fire her! And you will never read another stink

reserve while you live. I will put an end to your stories, young man. [He drags

MATILDA grabs the doll and throws it through her bedroom door onto her bed.]

Now, get in there and stay there, you little creep!

MR WORMWOOD closes the door and leaves. MATILDA lies face down on her bed. She

He brings down his fist three times with loud thunderclaps. Slowly, she looks up.

MATILDA

At night, the escapologist's daughter cried herself to sleep, alone in her room.

He never said a single word about the evil aunt's harassment, because he didn't.

He wants to cause a scandal, and so he suffered in silence. This only encouraged the
woman to greater cruelties, until one day, she exploded!

MATILDA and the ACROBAT SISTER [offstage]

"You suck! Disgusting! "You disgusting little filthy bastard!"