BY BOOKIESTALK.

COM
Since you're here, I'd
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books.
CONTENT
*tap/click on title to jump to chapter

Introduction

1. The New Rules

2. Be a Mirror
3. Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It
4. Beware “Yes”—Master “No”
5. Trigger the Two Words That
Immediately Transform Any
Negotiation
6. Bend Their Reality
7. Create the Illusion of Control
8. Guarantee Execution
9. Bargain Hard
10. Find the Black Swan

Everything in one Place

 INTRODUCTION

Negotiation is a part of everyday life.

Whether you’re closing a business deal,
asking for a raise, or deciding where to eat
with your friends, you’re constantly
negotiating.

Yet, most people think of negotiation as a

battle—winning means someone else has
to lose. That’s where this book changes
everything.

Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage

negotiator, shows that negotiation isn’t
about overpowering the other side.

It’s about understanding human emotions,

building trust, and finding solutions that
work for everyone. As Voss puts it,
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a
process of discovery.”

4
This book will help you approach
negotiations with a new mindset. Instead
of focusing on “winning” or compromising,
you’ll learn how to really listen, uncover
hidden needs, and guide conversations
toward better outcomes.

You’ll stop fearing “no” and start seeing it

as an opportunity. You’ll discover how
empathy, curiosity, and small changes in
how you communicate can make a huge
difference in any negotiation.

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What You’ll Learn

How to Listen Like a Pro: Learn the

power of active listening and how to
make people feel truly understood.
Tactical Empathy: Use empathy not as
a weakness, but as a tool to build trust
and influence.
Why “No” is Your Friend: Turn rejection
into opportunity by understanding the
deeper meaning behind “no.”
Tools for Clear Communication:
Master strategies like mirroring,
labeling, and calibrated questions to
steer conversations your way.
How to Handle High-Stress Talks: Stay
calm and effective, even in tense or
emotional situations.
Find the Black Swan: Identify the
hidden factors that can completely
change the outcome of any
negotiation.

6
 CHAPTER 1

THE NEW
RULES
Negotiation isn’t about forcing your way or
settling for the middle ground. It’s about
understanding people, emotions, and the
hidden needs that drive decisions.

Think of it as a dance rather than a fight—

where the goal is to move together toward
a solution, not push against each other.

One of the most powerful tools in

negotiation is empathy—not sympathy,
but tactical empathy.

Chris Voss explains, “Tactical empathy is

understanding the feelings and mindset
of another in the moment and also
hearing what is behind those feelings so
you increase your influence in all the
moments that follow.”

This means actively listening, not just to

the words being said, but to the emotions
behind them.

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Think about a time when someone truly
listened to you—maybe a friend who
patiently heard you out without
interrupting or judging.

How did that make you feel? It likely built

trust and made you more open to their
thoughts. That’s exactly what happens in
negotiations. When the other person feels
understood, they relax, let down their
guard, and become more willing to
collaborate.

Another key idea is to stop chasing a “yes.”

Most people think getting a “yes” means
they’ve won, but Voss says, “Yes is nothing
without how.”

A “yes” without clarity or commitment

often leads to false agreements that fall
apart later. Instead, don’t be afraid of “no.”
It’s not the end of the conversation—it’s the
beginning.

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For example, imagine trying to sell a
service, and the potential client says, “No,
I’m not interested.” Instead of walking
away, dig deeper.

Ask questions like,

“What’s holding you back?” or

“What would make this a better fit for
you?”

That “no” might really mean,

“I’m unsure about the value,” or

“I need more information.”

By addressing their concerns, you can turn

rejection into progress.

Negotiation isn’t about compromise. It’s

about collaboration—finding solutions that
make both sides feel like they’ve gained
something valuable.

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Approach every negotiation with curiosity,
empathy, and a focus on connection.

As Voss puts it, “He who has learned to

disagree without being disagreeable has
discovered the most valuable secret of
negotiation.”

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 CHAPTER 2

BE A MIRROR
One of the simplest yet most powerful
tools in negotiation is mirroring. Mirroring is
the act of repeating the last few words
someone says, almost like an echo.

While it may sound too basic to be

effective, this technique taps into a
fundamental human need: the desire to
feel heard and understood.

When you mirror someone’s words, it

shows that you’re actively listening, which
builds trust and connection.

Imagine a conversation where someone

says, “I’m not sure this solution fits my
needs.”

A mirror would look like this: “It doesn’t fit

your needs?” This subtle repetition
encourages the other person to elaborate,
giving you more insight into their thoughts
and concerns.

13
Chris Voss describes mirroring as “a Jedi
trick that is so simple and effective, you’ll
feel like a mind reader.”

It works because it makes people feel like

you’re aligned with them, even if you
haven’t said much.

Let’s look at a real-world example. Say

you’re negotiating a salary.

Your employer says, “We can’t offer you

more than this amount because of budget
constraints.”

Instead of arguing or shutting down, you

mirror: “Budget constraints?”

This small nudge encourages them to

explain further, which might reveal
flexibility or creative solutions they hadn’t
considered.

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Mirroring also buys you time. In situations
where you’re caught off guard or need to
think, repeating their words gives you a
moment to gather your thoughts without
losing momentum in the conversation.

It’s important to mirror naturally, without

sounding robotic or rehearsed. Use a
curious tone, as if you’re genuinely seeking
to understand. People are drawn to those
who show interest in them, and mirroring
helps you become that person in any
negotiation.

Remember, the goal of mirroring isn’t just

to repeat—it’s to open the door for deeper
dialogue.

When people feel heard, they’re more likely

to share valuable information and work
with you toward a solution.

As Voss says, “The fastest way to build

rapport is by demonstrating that you
understand, not by telling them you
understand.”

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 CHAPTER 3

DON’T FEEL
THEIR PAIN,
LABEL IT
Empathy is at the heart of effective
negotiation, but it doesn’t mean you need
to feel or absorb the other person’s
emotions. Instead, you should recognize
and articulate their feelings—a process
called labeling.

Chris Voss explains, “Labeling is a way of

validating someone’s emotions by
acknowledging them. Give someone’s
emotion a name, and you show you
identify with how they feel.”

Labeling helps people feel understood

without you having to agree or take sides.
Imagine a situation where someone says,
“I’m frustrated because I feel like no one’s
listening to me.”

Instead of trying to comfort them or offering

solutions, you label the emotion: “It sounds
like you’re feeling ignored.”

This simple statement does wonders—it

shows that you’re paying attention and
that their feelings matter.

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In a negotiation, emotions often run high.
Whether it’s anger, frustration, or fear,
labeling helps diffuse these feelings.

For instance, during a tough conversation

with a client, if they say, “This deal isn’t
working for me,” you could respond with, “It
seems like you’re concerned about the
value you’re getting.”

This not only validates their perspective but

also encourages them to share more about
their concerns, which can lead to
productive solutions.

One of the keys to successful labeling is

tone. Speak calmly and without judgment. A
wrong tone—too aggressive or dismissive—
can make the other person feel attacked
rather than heard. Voss suggests using
phrases like:

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• “It seems like…”
• “It sounds like…”
• “It looks like…”

These open-ended phrases keep the

conversation neutral and make it easier for
the other person to respond.

An important thing to remember is that

labeling doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with
someone.

You’re simply acknowledging what they’re

feeling. This acknowledgment often leads to
a sense of relief on their part, which can
shift the conversation in a more positive
direction.

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Labeling is like holding up a mirror to their
emotions, not to reflect them back at full
force, but to show that you see and
understand them. This builds trust and
paves the way for cooperation.

As Voss puts it, “Once people feel that you

understand their emotions, the barriers
come down, and you can start solving the
real problems.”

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 CHAPTER 4

BEWARE
“YES”—
MASTER “NO”
Most people think a “yes” in negotiation is a
victory, but Chris Voss flips this idea on its
head.

A quick “yes” can often be meaningless,

rushed, or worse—insincere. Instead,
mastering the art of hearing and responding
to “no” is where true negotiation power lies.

A “no” might feel like a rejection, but it’s

actually an opening. When someone says
“no,” it often means they’re protecting
themselves or clarifying their boundaries.

It’s not the end of the conversation; it’s the

beginning of understanding what they truly
need. Voss emphasizes, “ ‘No’ is not a failure.
It’s a decision.”

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For example, imagine pitching an idea at
work, and your boss says, “No, we can’t
allocate the budget for that.” Instead of
seeing this as a dead end, use it as an
opportunity to dig deeper:

“What about this idea doesn’t work for

you?”
“Is it the timing or the overall cost?”
“What would need to change for this to
feel right to you?”

These questions take the fear out of “no” and

transform it into a tool for uncovering useful
information.

“No” also gives people a sense of control,

which is crucial in negotiation. When
someone says “no,” they feel safe and less
pressured, making them more open to
collaboration. By giving them room to say
no, you reduce their resistance and build
trust.

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One technique Voss suggests is actually
inviting a “no” to make the other person feel
comfortable. For instance, instead of asking,
“Do you agree with this?” which might
pressure them into a “yes,” try asking, “Does
this sound unreasonable?”

The negative framing makes it easier for

them to respond honestly, and their answers
will guide you toward their true concerns.

Ultimately, a “yes” can sometimes be a trap

—a premature commitment without genuine
understanding. But a “no” is real. It’s a
foundation you can build on. As Voss says, “
‘No’ is not the opposite of ‘yes.’ It’s a step on
the path to ‘yes.’ ”

By embracing “no” and seeing it as a

chance to learn and connect, you’ll move
closer to meaningful agreements that work
for everyone involved.

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 Chapter 5

TRIGGER THE
TWO WORDS
THAT
IMMEDIATELY
TRANSFORM
ANY
NEGOTIATION
Imagine being in a conversation where the
other person suddenly says, “That’s right.”
These two simple words are like magic in
negotiation.

They signal agreement, understanding, and

alignment.

According to Chris Voss, hearing “That’s

right” means you’ve connected deeply with
someone’s perspective, creating a
foundation for productive collaboration.

But how do you get there? The key lies in

listening, summarizing, and reflecting the
other person’s thoughts and emotions.

When people feel fully understood, they’re

more likely to lower their defenses and work
with you.

Voss emphasizes, “The moment you get a

‘That’s right,’ the negotiation shifts. It’s no
longer you versus them; it’s you with
them.”

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Let’s break it down. Imagine you’re
negotiating with a vendor who’s frustrated
about pricing. Instead of jumping to defend
your position, you focus on their perspective:

“It sounds like you feel the pricing doesn’t

reflect the value of what you’re getting.”
“It seems like you’ve been burned by
deals like this in the past, and you’re
being cautious.”

When you accurately articulate their

concerns, you’ll likely hear them respond
with, “That’s right.”

This phrase isn’t just agreement; it’s

confirmation that you’ve hit the nail on the
head.

Here’s why this works: most people don’t feel

truly heard. When you summarize their
thoughts and emotions, you’re doing what
few others bother to do—showing genuine
empathy. This changes the dynamic of the
conversation, making them feel like you’re on
their side.

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Voss shares a story about working with a
family during a kidnapping negotiation. The
family was anxious and distrustful. By
listening carefully and summarizing their
fears and concerns, they finally said, “That’s
right.” This shifted the energy, enabling a
cooperative effort to solve the crisis.

However, be careful not to aim for “You’re

right.”

While it might seem similar, “You’re right”

often comes from a place of polite
agreement or appeasement—it doesn’t carry
the same weight.

“That’s right” signals genuine resonance.

In negotiation, the goal isn’t to persuade; it’s

to connect. When people feel heard, they’re
more likely to trust you and work toward a
solution together.

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As Voss puts it, “Empathy is the art of
putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
But real mastery comes when you make
them feel understood.”

If you can consistently trigger “That’s right” in

your conversations, you’ll unlock one of the
most powerful tools in your negotiation
arsenal.

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 Chapter 6

BEND THEIR
REALITY
In negotiations, the goal is not always to
meet in the middle—it’s to reshape the other
person’s perception of what’s possible.

This is what Chris Voss calls “bending their

reality.” By subtly influencing the way they
see a deal, you can guide the conversation
toward a more favorable outcome for both
parties.

The core idea is that perception is

everything. People don’t always act
rationally; they’re influenced by how they see
the world.

By shifting their perspective, you can change

the way they evaluate options.

Voss shares, “If you want to move someone

to your side, you’ve got to change their
view of what’s on the table.”

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A simple example of this is anchoring. By
setting an extreme opening offer—one that is
far beyond what you actually expect—you
can make the other party’s counteroffer
seem more reasonable.

For instance, if you’re negotiating for a

product or service, you might start by
quoting an inflated price.

While it may be too high, it causes the other

person to reassess the deal and adjust their
expectations. Their response will likely be
lower than your original asking price but
higher than what you might have gotten if
you hadn’t anchored them first.

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Another way to bend reality is by using “loss
aversion.” People tend to fear losses more
than they value gains.

Voss suggests framing a deal in terms of

what they’ll lose if they don’t take action.

For example, you might say, “If we don’t

come to an agreement today, the offer will
no longer be available next week.”

This taps into their fear of missing out, or

FOMO, which can push them to make a
decision more quickly.

Bending reality doesn’t always mean tricking

someone. Instead, it’s about helping them
see the value of what you’re offering through
a different lens.

By providing a new perspective on the deal—

whether through scarcity, potential loss, or
opportunity—you encourage them to make a
choice that aligns with both your interests.

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A powerful technique in bending reality is
using tactical empathy to understand their
fears and desires. Once you’ve labeled their
emotions and acknowledged their needs,
you can present options that frame the
situation in a way that makes your proposal
appear more appealing.

For example, if the other party is worried

about the cost, you might offer payment
terms that reduce their immediate burden,
presenting it as a solution to their concern
rather than a compromise.

Ultimately, bending their reality is about

influencing their perception, not forcing them
into a decision. When you can change the
way they view the negotiation, you open up
possibilities that weren’t there before.

Voss puts it simply: “The world is full of

possibilities; you just have to help them see
it.”

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 CHAPTER 7

CREATE THE
ILLUSION OF
CONTROL
In negotiations, people want to feel in
control, and rightfully so. They need to
believe that their decisions are their own.

Chris Voss argues that one of the most

powerful tools you can use in a negotiation
is the illusion of control—allowing the other
party to feel like they are calling the shots,
while you’re subtly guiding them in the
direction you want.

The idea behind this is simple: when

people feel in control, they’re more likely to
cooperate and agree. Voss explains,
“People don’t want to be sold to, but they
love to buy.”

This means that rather than telling

someone what to do, you create an
environment where they feel they are
making the decision themselves, even if
you’re steering the conversation toward
your desired outcome.

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One effective technique for creating this
illusion is the use of calibrated questions.
These are open-ended questions that give
the other person the impression they are
making the choice, while you are gently
shaping the conversation.

For instance, instead of saying, “You should

agree to this deal,”

you might ask, “How can we work together

to make this deal happen?”

The latter puts the onus on them to come

up with solutions, but still keeps them on
the path toward your goal.

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Voss also suggests using accusation
audits—preemptively addressing any
concerns the other person might have
before they bring them up.

For example, if you sense they may be

worried about the price,

you could say, “I know this price might

seem high, and I understand why it might
feel that way.”

By acknowledging their fears, you disarm

them, making it easier to move forward
with a proposal they feel comfortable with.
This lets them feel heard, which is critical in
building trust and cooperation.

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Another powerful way to create the illusion
of control is by giving your counterpart a
sense of choice, even if the options you
present lead to the same conclusion.

For example, instead of saying,

“This is the only solution,”

you could say,

“We can either proceed with this plan or

take a different approach, but I believe
this is the best way to achieve the
outcome we both want.”

This gives them the illusion of control, but it

subtly nudges them toward the decision
you want.

Ultimately, the key to creating the illusion

of control is empathy and understanding.
People feel empowered when they are
treated with respect and when they believe
their opinions matter.

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By making them feel in control, you lower
their resistance and increase their
willingness to work with you toward a
solution.

Voss reminds us that it’s not about

manipulation, but about guiding the
conversation in a way that makes the
other person feel like they’ve made the
best decision for themselves.

By giving them control in small ways, you

create an environment where both sides
feel they’ve won, even when the outcome is
exactly what you intended.

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 CHAPTER 8

GUARANTEE
EXECUTION
One of the biggest challenges in any
negotiation is ensuring that what has been
agreed upon actually happens.

It’s not enough to simply strike a deal; you

need to make sure that the other party
follows through on their commitments.

In this chapter, Chris Voss introduces

techniques to guarantee execution,
ensuring that agreements are not only
made but also executed effectively.

The first key to guaranteeing execution is

setting clear, actionable steps. It’s easy to
get caught up in the excitement of a deal
and overlook the details.

However, Voss emphasizes that “The most

important part of any agreement is the
implementation.”

If the terms of the deal are vague or

unclear, it opens up room for confusion,
delay, or even failure. The more specific
and clear you make the terms, the more
likely they are to be followed through.

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A useful tool in this process is the “How?”
question. This simple question is a way to
confirm that both sides know exactly what
needs to happen next.

For example, after agreeing on a price, you

might ask, “How are we going to make
sure this happens on your end?”

This forces the other party to take

ownership of the next steps, making them
more committed to fulfilling their side of
the bargain.

It’s not just about having a verbal

agreement; it’s about making the action
steps clear and understood by both
parties.

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Another technique for guaranteeing
execution is use of deadlines. People are
more likely to act when there is a sense of
urgency. But Voss cautions that deadlines
need to be realistic and enforced.

Simply saying “let’s get this done by next

week” is not enough. You have to make the
deadline feel significant.

For instance, you could say, “If we don’t

finalize this by Friday, the opportunity will
no longer be available.”

This approach ties urgency to the deal,

increasing the chances that both sides will
act promptly to honor their commitments.

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To further solidify execution, Voss advises
leveraging commitment. People are far
more likely to follow through if they’ve
made a clear commitment, especially in
writing.

This could be a formal contract or even a

written summary of what was agreed upon.
In a situation where an informal agreement
is made, sending a quick follow-up email
or message to summarize the key points
helps reinforce the commitment and
serves as a reminder of what both parties
have agreed to.

However, Voss also emphasizes that even

after the deal is made, you need to
maintain a relationship with the other
party. Regular check-ins and follow-ups
keep both sides on track.

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Even if everything seems fine on the
surface, it’s always a good idea to ask,
“How are we doing with this?”

This not only helps ensure that the

agreement is being executed as planned
but also builds trust and strengthens the
relationship for future negotiations.

Ultimately, guaranteeing execution is about

making the deal real for both sides—
creating clear, actionable steps, using
urgency when necessary, and ensuring
accountability through commitments.

It’s not just about making the deal happen

but ensuring that it actually materializes as
expected.

As Voss puts it, “Execution is the key to a

successful negotiation.” Without it, even
the best deals are just words.

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 CHAPTER 9

BARGAIN HARD
In any negotiation, it’s crucial to
understand that you’re not just looking for
agreement, but for the best possible
outcome. Bargaining hard is about pushing
for the best terms, even when it feels like
you might be reaching the limits of what
the other party is willing to give.

Chris Voss teaches us that bargaining

doesn’t have to mean being tough or
combative—it’s about using strategic
approaches that increase your chances of
getting the deal you want, without
alienating the other side.

One of the first concepts Voss introduces

when bargaining hard is the idea of
anchoring.

This refers to starting with an offer or

position that is favorable to you, even if it’s
higher than what you expect to settle for.

48
For example, if you’re negotiating a price,
starting with a higher number sets the
stage for a better deal.

By doing this, you establish a psychological

“anchor” that makes any subsequent offers
feel more reasonable by comparison.

But don’t mistake bargaining hard for

being unreasonable. Voss stresses that you
should always be prepared to ask for more
than what you ultimately expect. This
doesn’t mean being greedy, but rather
giving yourself room to negotiate.

Think of it like this: if you want to end up

with a $5,000 deal, don’t start by asking for
$5,000. Start higher—$7,000 or $8,000—so
that you have room to make concessions
while still reaching your goal.

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It’s also critical to understand the role of
emotions in negotiations. While bargaining
hard can feel like a numbers game, the
emotional aspect plays a huge role in the
outcome.

Voss explains that one of the best ways to

leverage emotions is by using a technique
called the “accusation audit.”

This involves bringing up any potential

concerns or objections the other party
might have before they voice them.

For example, if you’re asking for a higher

price, you could say, “I know this offer
might feel high compared to what we
originally discussed.”

By doing this, you show empathy and

acknowledge their perspective, which can
make them more likely to accept your
terms.

50
Another technique Voss recommends for
bargaining hard is the “black swan”
strategy.

A “black swan” is an unexpected piece of

information that can dramatically change
the course of a negotiation.

To uncover these hidden gems, Voss

advises digging deeper, asking probing
questions, and being open to new
information that might emerge during the
negotiation.

These unexpected insights can give you

the leverage you need to secure a better
deal. It’s all about being curious and open-
minded throughout the process.

51
Voss also emphasizes the importance of
patience when bargaining hard. It’s easy to
get frustrated and push for a quick
resolution, but often, the best deals come
after prolonged negotiations.

The longer the conversation goes on, the

more likely you are to uncover valuable
information that can lead to a better
outcome.

Remember, Voss advises, “The best way to

get a better deal is to stay calm, stay
patient, and let the other side reveal
what’s really important to them.”

Lastly, Voss talks about using silence

effectively. After you make an offer or ask
for something, don’t rush to fill the silence.
Allow the other party to respond in their
own time.

52
Silence can be uncomfortable, but it’s a
powerful tool. People are often compelled
to speak or make a concession when
there’s awkward silence because they feel
the need to break it.

By mastering the art of silence, you gain an

advantage in the negotiation process.

Bargaining hard doesn’t mean being harsh

or confrontational. It’s about setting the
stage with your initial offer, being strategic
with your concessions, and using
emotional intelligence to guide the
process.

By implementing these tactics, you can

push for better terms while maintaining a
collaborative, respectful negotiation
environment.

The key is to be patient, stay calm, and

never underestimate the power of a well-
timed question or silence.

53
 CHAPTER 10

FIND THE BLACK

SWAN
In every negotiation, there’s usually one key
piece of information that can completely
shift the balance and lead you to a much
better deal.

This is what Chris Voss calls the Black Swan

—a surprising, game-changing element
that, when uncovered, can unlock new
opportunities or advantages you hadn’t
even considered.

The challenge lies in knowing how to find it.

The idea behind a Black Swan is that it’s

hidden. It’s not something that’s
immediately obvious or even expected. It’s
an unexpected piece of information that,
once discovered, can transform the entire
negotiation process.

And the key to finding it is asking the right

questions and being observant.

55
Voss stresses that one of the best ways to
uncover Black Swans is by listening
actively. Instead of just focusing on your
own agenda or the deal you’re trying to
make, shift your attention to what the other
party says—and even more importantly, to
what they don’t say.

People often reveal more through their

silence or the small details they slip into
conversation than they do with their direct
answers.

This is where your intuition and curiosity

come into play. If something seems off or
inconsistent, don’t ignore it—dig deeper.

For example, you might hear a potential

partner say something like, “We’ve never
worked with a company like yours before,
but we’re willing to give it a try.” On the
surface, this might seem like an innocent
comment.

56
But as Voss explains, this is actually a
potential Black Swan. It could indicate that
the partner has hesitations or specific
expectations that haven’t been fully
communicated.

By asking more questions or gently

probing, you can uncover their concerns or
desires, which can give you a critical edge
in the negotiation.

Another way to discover Black Swans is by

building a rapport. People are more likely
to open up and share valuable information
when they feel they can trust you.

As Voss says, “People tell you everything

you need to know, you just have to listen.”
When you’re able to make the other party
feel comfortable, they’re more likely to
disclose their true needs and motivations,
which could include those Black Swans.

57
But it’s not just about listening. You also
need to question assumptions. Often, we
go into a negotiation with certain beliefs
about what’s possible or reasonable, and
these beliefs can limit our ability to spot
Black Swans.

Voss encourages us to challenge our own

assumptions by asking things like,

“What am I missing here?” or

“What’s the one thing that could change

everything?”

Voss also highlights the importance of

reframing the conversation. By changing
the way you approach a topic, you can
uncover hidden information that might
have otherwise been overlooked.

58
For example, if a client seems reluctant to
agree to a certain price, rather than simply
lowering the price, try rephrasing the
situation in a way that appeals to their
deeper needs or goals.

This shift in perspective might bring a

hidden Black Swan to the surface.

Another key takeaway from Voss is that

finding a Black Swan often requires
patience. In many cases, these hidden
elements don’t reveal themselves right
away.

It takes time for the other party to feel

comfortable enough to open up, and
sometimes, it takes multiple conversations
to uncover the key pieces of information
that will turn the deal in your favor. Be
patient, stay curious, and keep probing for
the unexpected.

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Ultimately, finding the Black Swan is about
being open to the unknown and looking for
clues in places others might overlook. It’s
about cultivating curiosity, being a great
listener, and not rushing to conclusions.

As Voss reminds us, “The Black Swan is out

there. It’s waiting for you to find it.”

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SINCE YOU'RE HERE,
I'D LOVE TO SHOW
YOU MY BOOKS.
NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE
BY CHRIS VOSS
 The New Rules: Negotiation is about using
psychology and tactics to understand and
influence others. It’s not just about getting
what you want, but also about building
relationships and finding mutually
beneficial solutions.

Be a Mirror: The key to establishing rapport

and gaining trust is mirroring the other
person’s words and body language. This
makes them feel understood and
encourages cooperation.

Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It: Instead of

empathizing with someone’s emotions,
label their feelings out loud. This allows you
to acknowledge their pain without getting
overwhelmed by it.

Beware “Yes”—Master “No”: Saying “No”

gives the other party a sense of control,
and it’s an essential step in moving
negotiations forward. “Yes” is often used to
avoid conflict, but “No” helps to clarify what
the other side really wants.

69
Trigger the Two Words That Immediately
Transform Any Negotiation: By getting the
other side to say “That’s right,” you know
you’ve hit the mark with their concerns. It
confirms they feel heard and understood,
paving the way for agreement.

Bend Their Reality: Reframe the

conversation to make your offer seem
more attractive. Use contrasts, deadlines,
and anchors to change the other party’s
perception of reality and push them
toward your desired outcome.

Create the Illusion of Control: Let the other

party feel in control by asking calibrated
questions that force them to solve your
problems. Questions like “How am I
supposed to do that?” help guide the
conversation in your favor.

70
Guarantee Execution: To make sure your
agreement is carried out, ensure the other
side commits verbally and mentally to
specific actions. Don’t just assume they’ll
follow through; create clear, actionable
plans.

Bargain Hard: Start with a higher offer than

expected to anchor the negotiation. Use
strategic concessions, patience, and
silence to get the best possible deal. Also,
be aware of emotional triggers that can
help or hurt your position.

Find the Black Swan: Look for hidden,

unexpected pieces of information that can
change the outcome of the negotiation.
The Black Swan is crucial, and it’s often
revealed through active listening, asking
the right questions, and challenging
assumptions.

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THE END