CONTENTS Constellations had its wo rld premi ere at the Royal Court Jerwood Th eatr e

Upsta irs, Sloane Square, Londo n, on January 13, 20 11.

Title Pag~
CoP.xright Notice MA RIA NN E Sally H awkin s
Dedication ROLA N D Rafe Spall
Acknowledgements
D I RECTO R Mic hael Long hurst
EP-)graP.hs DESI GN ER Tom Scutt
Begin Reading LIG H T I NG D ESIGN ER Lee Curra n
COMPOSER Sirno n Slater
Also bY.Nick Paxne
SOUN D DES IGN ER David McSeveney
About the Author
CAST IN G DIREC TOR Amy Ball
CoP.xright
ASS I STAN T D I RECTOR Sam Cai rd
PRODU CT IO N MANAGE R Tariq Rifaat
BSLBT CO N SU LTAN T Daryl Jackson
STAGE M ANAGE RS Rhiannon H arper, Bryan Paterson
STAGE MANAGEM ENT WORK PLA CEME NT Amy Burkett
COS TUM E SUPERV I SO R Iona Kenr ick
The American premiere of Constellationswas produced by the Manhatta n CHARACTERS
Theatre Club (Lynne Meadow, Artistic Director; Barry Grove, Executive
Marianne
Producer) and the Royal Court Theatre, by special arrangement with
Roland
Ambassador Theatre Group and the Dodgers, at the Samuel J. Friedman
Theatre. The first performance was on December 16, 20 14.

MAR IA NN E Ruth Wilso n

RO LA N D Jake Gyllenhaal

DI RECTOR Michael Long hurst

SCENI C AND COSTUME DES IG NER Tom Scutt
LIG H TI NG DES IGNER Lee Curran
SOUND DES IG NER David McSeveney
MOVEME N T DI RECTOR Lucy Cullingford
OR IGI N A L MUSIC Simon Slater
CAST IN G Jim Carnahan and Nancy Piccione
STAGE MANAGER Peter Wolf
The reductionist worldview is chilling and impersona l. It has to be An indented rule indicates a change in universe.
accepted as it is, not because we like it, but because that is the way
the world works.

Steven Weinberg in Brian Greene, The Elegant Universe

Science continues to be a channel for magic - the belief that for the
hum an will, empowered by knowledge, not hing is impossib le. This
confusion of science with magic is not an ailment of a kind that has
a remedy. It goes with mode rn life. Death is a provocation to this
way of living, because it marks a boundary beyond which the will
cannot go.

John Gray, The lmmortalization Commission

Why should the universe have a purpose> The question of the pur-
pose of the universe is an invention of human minds , and has no
significance, except for the way that it illuminates the psychology of
scholarly pursuit and of the pursuing scholars themselves. We
should not impose human-insp ired attitudes and ques tions on
material things. There is a cons iderable grandeur, I think, in the pres-
ence of our spectacularly majestic universe just hanging there, whol-
ly without purpose.

Peter Atkins, On Being

Marianne Do you know why it's imp ossible to lic k the tips of your el- everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, t hen there'd be
bows> They hold the secret to imm orta lity, so if you could lick them, chaos. Because you can't just go on living and living and living.
there's a chance you'd be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if
Roland Oh right.
everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, t hen there'd be
chaos. Because you can' t just go on living and living and living. Marianne Try it.

Roland I'm. I'm in a relationship. So. Yeah. Roland What's that?

Marianne Your elbows, try licking them.

Marianne Do you know why it's imp ossible to lick the tips of your el- Roland I'm all right.
bows> They hold the secret to imm orta lity, so if you could lick them,
there's a chance you'd be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if Marianneattempts to lick her elbows, demonstratingthe difficulty.
everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, t hen there'd be
Marianne I'm Marianne.
chaos. Because you can't just go on living and living and living.
Roland Roland.
Roland I've. I've just come out of a really serious relationship. So.
Yeah. Marianne Thank God the rain's held off.

Marianne I was just making conversation. Roland Yeah.

Roland Sure. Marianne Not hin g worse than a soggy barbecue.

Marianne Just trying to start a conversation. Roland Yeah.

Roland No , sure. But. Still. Marianne Soggy sausages. Would you like a d rink?

Roland I'm all right. My wife's actually ju st gone to get me a beer.

Marianne Do you know why it's imp ossible to lic k the tips of your el-
bows? They hold the secret to imm ortality, so if you could lick them,
Marianne Try it.
there's a chance you'd be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if
Roland What's that? Marianne Marianne.

Marianne Your elbows, try licking them. Roland Shame about the rain.

Marianne attempts to lick her elbows, demonstrating the difficulty. Marianne Nothing worse than a soggy barbecue.
Roland, initiallyhesitant, alsoattempts to lick his elbows.
Roland So are you, are you a friend of Jane's or...?
Roland See what you mean. I'm Roland.
Marianne Who's Jane?
Marianne Marianne.
Roland Jane's the - She's the lady having the barbecue?
Roland Shame about the rain.
Marianne Oh, right, Christ, no. I was just walking past and I saw a
Marianne Nothing worse than a soggy barbecue. load of free booze and sausages. I'm joking.

Roland So are you, are you a friend of Jane's or - Roland Right.

Marianne No, Jane, yeah. We were at college together. Marianne Jane and I were at college together. How about you?

Roland Right. Roland I play football with Tom.

Marianne Yourself? Marianne Tom>

Roland My wife used to work with Jane. Roland Jane's brother-in.law. Bluey-greenT-shirt.

Marianne Yes.

Marianne Your elbows, try licking them. Roland D'you want a drink?

Marianne attempts to lick her elbows, demonstrating the difficulty. Marianne I'm fine. Thanks.
Roland, initiallyhesitant, alsoattempts to lick his elbows.
Roland So what do you, what do you do? For a living.
Roland See what you mean. I'm Roland.
Marianne I work at Sussex University.
Roland Right. Great. Marianne Really?

M arianne Yourself> Roland Of course.

Roland I'm a beekeeper. M arianne I'm not putting honest, hard-working beekeepers out of
business?
M arianne Really?
Roland Wouldn't've thought so.
Roland Yeah,yeah.
M arianne Do you think I'm a honey philistine?
M arianne You're really a beekeeper>
Roland Some of the supermarket stuff's all right.
Roland I'm really a beekeeper.
M arianne Really?
Marianne I fucking love honey.
Roland Yeah, some of it's fine, yeah.
Roland Oh really?
M arianne So - And I mean don't take this the wrong way, but, I mean,
M arianne Spoon. Jar of honey. Heaven.
are you -
Roland What sort of honey do you normally go for?
Roland Go on.

M arianne I'm too embarrassed.

M arianne You- I mean do you make a living?

Roland How d'you mean?

Roland I do, yeah.

M arianne Too embarrassed to tell you.

M arianne I mean from beekeeping.

Roland Why's that?

Roland From beekeeping.

Mariannewhispersthefollowing into Roland'sear: 'I like Tesco. The really

Marianne How does it - I mean how does it -
dirty stuff. the prisonstripestuff'
Roland Well. I used to, I used to work for a friend of mine. In Wilt-
Roland That's all right.
shire.
Marianne Verynice. Roland There wasn't any room. For bees.

Roland After a while though, decided I wanted to go into business on Marianne I see.
my own. But my, my girlfriend - ex-girlfriend -
Roland We didn't have a garden.
Marianne I'm sorry for your loss.
Marianne Bummer.
Roland What's that?
Roland One day I was up on the roof and I realised it was perfect. So I
Marianne No - I was - 1was making a - tidied it up a bit and I got my first hive.

Roland Right. Marianne Amazing.

Marianne Sorry for your loss as in - Roland Went from one to two from two to four. We, we went away. Me
and Laura. We went away to Spain and when we got back, we found that
Gestures,slidingafinger acrossher throat, 'killed'.
the flat had been raided .

Roland Right.
Marianne Raided)

Marianne It was just a -

Roland I used to keep the honey in bin bags. You know those black,

Roland No. plastic bin liners -

Marianne Anyway,you were - Marianne Yes.

Roland Yeah, no, so, she, my ex, she wanted to move to London. So Roland Didn't have a lotta money, at the time, so the bin bags were

we got this one-bed place in Tower Hamlets. just a cheap alternative. When we were away though, one of the neigh.
bours called the police. Thought I was brewing up smack or something.
Marianne No wonder you broke up with her, fuck me. l'd've broken They properly went for it. The police. They kicked the front doo r in,
up with her if she'd made me leave Wiltshire for fucking Tower Hamlets . turned the flat upside down and they confiscated all these bin bags filled
with the most amazing honey and honeycomb.
Roland I'm still living there, actually.

Marianne Did that really happen?

Marianne Lovelycurries.
Roland Yeah. Either I'm walker

Marianne You used to keep honey in bin bags) I eitherdo it or I don't. Scares me.

Roland Yeah. Roland Work?

-..
"( * * Marianne Stopping.

Marianne Roland, I don't think that I can go back to work. Roland Stopping work scares you?

Roland Have they told you that? Marianne What will I do?

Marianne They'regreat. Roland We'll go away. We can do whatever we want.

Roland You've told them then? Marianne / don't -

Marianne Not yet. Roland I'm being serious.

Roland But you'regoing to. Marianne I don't -

Marianne I think so. Roland / mean it.

Roland But you haven't said any of this to them? Marianne / I don't

Marianne They've said whatever I want. We can't. I have to have to make a

Roland So what about part-time? I have to have a choice.

Marianne / don't know the point. Control.

Roland You mean the point of goingpart-time? ","t * *

Marianne Either I'm walkingor I'm Roland You want me to leave~
 ',

Marianne Not in a bad way, but yeah. you're right, we've had a lovely evenin g and you' re right it was my idea to
com e back here, but, I jus t, as soon as we stepped inside, I started think-
Roland Have I done somet hin g wrong?
in g - I mean I just started th inking -

Marianne No.
"',"(
* *
Roland Have I said some th ing , have I offended you?
Roland You want m e to leave?

Marianne No.
Marianne Not in a bad way, but yeah.

Roland I thoug ht we'd had a nice evening?

Roland Have I done somet hin g wrong?

Marianne We did.
Marianne No.

Roland Com ing back here was your suggestion?

Roland Have I said some th ing , have I offended you?

Marianne I know, but, on refl ection -

Marianne No.

Roland Do you wanna co me inside, you said .

Roland Then I don ' t unders tand?

Marianne I know I know, but now I've changed my m ind. I'm allowed
Marianne I'm not asking you to understa nd, I'm askin g you to leave.
to change my mind , aren't I?
Roland Bit fucking rich, isn't it?
Roland If I'm allowed to ask why, sure.
Marianne I'm so rry?
Marianne I just - I'd just rath er not get i nto it .
Roland This was your idea.
Roland Can you at least tell m e if it's me?
Marianne Charming.
Marianne I jus t -
Roland I'm ju st sayi ng.
Roland I'm not saying specifica ll y - Generally - Generally speaki ng -
Marianne Okay -
Marianne I'm ju st going throug h some th ings. At th e mo m ent. And
 ' ',

Roland It's rude. Marianne Sofa jus t folds out. You wouldn't have to stay in my bed.
Stop talking, Marianne.
M arianne Yeah I'd like you to leave now.
Rolandgently kissesMarianne 'goodbye'on the cheek.

* * -,'t
Roland I should probab ly make a move.
Marianne Not in a bad way, but yeah.
M arianne You don' t - I mean don 't feel you have to.
Roland Have I done somethin g wrong?
Roland I've got a really early start .
Marianne No.
M arianne How early's early?
Roland Have I said something -
Roland Six.
Marianne No .
Marianne You could - I mean you could - Not in a like 'welcome to
my lair' way or anything, but - If you wanted, you could. Stay. Roland I thought we'd had a nice evening?

Roland I should probab ly head back. Marianne We did .

Marianne Well, look, I mean - Thanks for a really lovely evening. Roland Coming back here was your suggestion>

Roland Likewise, yeah. Marianne No, I know, but, on reflectio n -

Marianne We should - I mean whenever you're free, we should think Roland Do you wanna come inside, you said.
about -
Marianne I know, but now I've changed my min d. I'm allowed to
Roland Defin itely, yeah. change my mind , aren't I? I jus t - I'd just rather not get i nto it .

Marianne The 'lair' thi ng was just a joke by the way. Roland I went on anot her date a couple of weeks ago. Alm ost exactly
the same thing happened. So I'm more than happy to leave you to it, but
Roland Come again?
if it is me -
Marianne It's not. space. And when we were talki ng about your job earlier on I was nodding
along pretty much the entire time but when we stepped through your
Roland I'm not saying you have to be specific -
front door I realised I hadn' t really understood a single thing you'd said.

Marianne It 's not you.

Marianne Most of my tim e is spent sitti ng in front of a comp uter.

Roland If you had some feedback -

Roland Right.

Marianne Feedback?
Marianne Inputting d ata.

Roland' Feedback"s not right, but -

Roland Right.

Marianne Okay, look, I jus t. I'm ju st goi ng t hroug h some things. At

Marianne Cosmic mi crowave background readings.
the moment. My, my mo ther. She's been ill for a really long tim e. And. I
can' t tell whether I want you to stay because I want you to stay or Roland Okay.
whether I j ust don' t want to go to sleep on my own.
Marianne Radiation left over from t he big bang.
Beat.
Roland Right.
Roland I'm really sorry.
Marianne Cosmology. Theoretical early universe cosmology.
Marianne Why don' t we ju st speak in a week or so?
'","'(
* *
"',"(
* *
Marianneand Rolandare a little more drunk.
Marianneand Rolandare a little drunk.
Roland I said I don't really know but I think it's somet hing to do wit h
Roland Friend of mi ne said to me when I told him that I was going on space. And when we were talki ng about your job earlier on I was nodding
a date, he said. 'What does she do?' - along pretty much the entire time but when we stepped through your
front door I realised I hadn't really understood a single t hing you'd said.
Marianne And what did you say?
Marianne Most of my tim e is spent sitting in front of a comp uter.
Roland I said I don't really know but I think it's somet hing to do wit h
Roland Right. Roland This is really sexy by the way.

Marianne Inputting data. Marianne The point being -

Roland Right. Roland I had a really amazing time tonight and I'd really like to spend
the night.
Marianne Quantum cosmo logy.
Marianne But -
Roland Right.
Roland With you. I'd really like to spend the night -
Marianne Do you know much about theoretical physics?
Marianne But now we've got st ring theo ry. Or, to be a bit more spe-
Roland Pass.
cific, we've got lots of different string theories -
Marianne Quantu m mechanics~
Roland If you'd rather I didn't stay you just have to say.

Roland Pass.
Marianne And the exciting thing about string theory is that it poten-

Marianne Quantum mechanics focuses on the quantum realm. tially bridges the gap between relativity and -
Atoms, molecules .
Roland You haven't answered either of my questions.

Roland Right.
Mariannekisses Roland.
Marianne On nuclear and atomic scales, gravity is pretty much in-
Marianne A by-product of every single one of these theories - almos t
significant. But in terms of General Relativity, it's vital.
entirely by accident - is the possibility that we're part of a multiverse.
Roland Okay.
RolandkissesMarianne.
Marianne So you've these two theories that are completely at odds
Despite our best efforts, there are certain microscopic observations that
with one anot her. Relativity covers the sun, the moon, the st ars, while
just cannot be predicted absolutely. Now, potentia lly, one way of explain-
quantu m mechanics takes care of molecules, quarks, atoms - that sort of
ing this is to draw the conclusion that, at any given moment. several out-
thing. We've effectively asked the same question twice and come up with
comes can co-exist simultaneous ly.
two completely different answers .
Roland This is genuinely tur nin g me on, you do realise that?

Marianne In th e quantum multi verse, every choice, every decision Still drunk.
you've ever and never m ade exists in an unimaginably vast ensemble of
Roland Everythi ng?
parallel univ erses.

Marianne Everythin g.
Roland Everythi ng?

Roland Everythi ng I've ever do ne?

Marianne Everything.

Marianne Everything you've ever and never done. We shou ld try and
Roland Everythi ng I've ever do ne?
keep our voices dow n, my housemate -
Marianne Everything you've ever and never done. We should try and
Roland But if everything I'm ever gonna do already exists, th en what's
keep our voices dow n, my housemate -
the point in me -
Roland But if everything I'm ever gonna do already exists, th en what's
Marianne There isn' t.
the point in m e -

Roland What?
Marianne Well -

Marianne In none of our equations do we see any sign whatsoever of

Roland What's the po int in me even -
any evidence of free will .
Marianne Well -
Roland In your e-
Roland D'you see what I'm sayin g?
Marianne We're ju st particles.
Marianne No, to tally, but - Let's say that ours really is the on ly uni -
Roland Speak for y'self .
verse that exists. There's only one unique me and one unique you. If th at
were true, then there could on ly ever really be one choice . But if every Marianne You, me, everyone, we mig ht thin k that we have some say in
possib le future exists, th en the decisions we do and don't make will - We mig ht think t hat th e cho ices we make will have some say in the -
determine which of th ese futures we actually end up experiencin g. I mag-
in e rollin g a dice six t housand tim es. Roland Right, no, sure -
Marianne We're just particles - Roland Okay.

Roland No, sure, but - Marianne But - I mean, just to be clear, I'm not being coy. I'm not
sort of saying no to sex but yes to all the other st uff. We're going to go to
Marianne We're just particles governed by a series of very particular
sleep, sepa rately, and then we're going to wake up and then we're going
laws being knocked the fuck around all over the place.
to have some toast. Or, I mean, whatever. Youdon't have to have toas t.
Roland You make it sound so glamorous.
Roland Floor's fine. Honestly.

"',"(
* *
Marianneand Roland are sober.
Marianne I'm so tired. I'm so tired, Roland. Beforepeople hadface

Marianne Most of my time is spent sitting in front of a compute r typ·

Beforethey had face
ing in numbers . It's not really very interesting.
Face beforethey
Roland Okay.
FUCK.
Marianne Look. I, I've had a really enjoyable evening.
Roland Okay.
Roland No, yeah, me -
Marianne God.
Marianne I haven't really made up my mind, though, whether or not
I'd like you to stay. I just - I've got quite a bit on at the mome nt and we Roland God?
were having a really lovely time and I thoug ht it would be really nice to in-
Marianne People's liveswere their own. Before it became skin
vite you back. But I just want to be clear that I'm not massively interested
in sleep ing with you. Skin, it became

Roland It's all right, you don't have to - Skin

Marianne I'd just sort of rather get into bed and go to sleep. But I'm Roland Skin?
completely happy to go and get you a sleeping bag and a couple of tow-
els. Marianne Mum wasn't scaredof dying, she was scaredof beingkept alive.
Youknow? Roland You'reright I was being polite because I don't want you to wear
yourselfout.
Roland Yes.
Marianne Maybe we shouldget me a notepad to hang around my neck?
Marianne That wasn't what scaredher.
Roland What?
Roland I understand.
Marianne Kidding.
Marianne It's not just the speaking.
Roland Maryfucking hell.
Roland Okay now I don't understand?
Marianne Roland, I don't think that I can go back to work.
Marianne Reading. I'm having trouble - Numbers, words,on the page. I
don't know how to explainit. Typing.Typing, as well. '","'(
* *
Roland In what way? Roland All right?

Marianne I know the word. I know the word I'm trying to type. But I Marianne Where have you bee n?
don't know the letters. None of the lettersseem right. Rea
Roland Pub.
Rea
Marianne I sent you a text.
Rea
Roland I know.
Roland You don't need to finish.
Marianne Whydidn't you text me back?
Marianne I want to.
Roland Dunno.
Roland I think I know what you'retrying to say.
Marianne What does that mean?
Marianne How How can you know what I'm tryingto say?
Roland It means I dun no. Means I didn't think it was urgent.
Mmm Most of the time I don't even know what I'm trying to
Marianne I didn't know where you were.
say.
Roland I just told you. Roland Spread out? Were the six or seven times you had sex spread
out over a particular period of time?
Marianne Now, you jus t told me now, but I wanted to know -
Marianne Yes.
Roland I was playing tennis. I was playing tennis with Tony and then
we went to the pub. What's wrong? I'm sorry.What is it, what's wrong? Roland Are you together, then, d'you wanna be together?

Marianne Roland, I'm really sorry. Marianne I don't know.

Roland What, what is it? Roland Is he moving in?

Marianne James and I had sex. Marianne Of course not. Roland, of course he's not.

Roland James. Roland Do you want me to move out?

Marianne From work. Beat.

Roland The centre part ing? You mean the bloke with the centre part- When do you want me to move out)
ing)
Marianne There's no rush.
Marianne Yes.
Roland That's it then is it?
Roland When?

Marianne We've - There's been a few.A few times.

Marianne Where have you been?
Roland How many's a few?
Roland Pub.
Marianne I'd rather we didn't get into who did what to whom.
Marianne I sent you a text.
Roland How many's a few, Mary?
Roland I know.
Marianne Six. Maybe seven.
Marianne Whydidn' t you text me back?
Roland Dunno. Marianne I'd rather we didn't get into who did what to whom.

Marianne What does that mean> Roland How many's a few, Mary>

Roland It means I dun no. Means I didn't think it was urgent. Marianne Six. Maybe seven.

Marianne I didn' t know where you were. Roland Spread out?

Roland I just told you. Marianne What?

Marianne Now, you just told me now, but I wanted to know - Roland Were the six or seven times you had sex spread out over a par-
ticular period of time?
Roland I was playing tennis. I was playing tennis with Tony and then
we went to the pub. What's wrong? I'm sorry. What is it, what's wrong> Marianne Yes.

Marianne Roland, I'm really sorry. Roland Are you togethe r, then, d'you wanna be together? Mary,do the
two of you -
Roland What, what is it>
Marianne I do n't know.
Marianne James and I had sex.
Roland Is he moving in?
Roland James.
Beat.
Marianne From work.
When do you want me to move out?
Roland Dandruff? You mean the bloke with the dandruff?
Marianne There's no rush .
Marianne He doesn't - Yes.
Roland How old is he?
Roland When?
Marianne He's twenty-four.
Marianne We've - There's been a few. A few times.
Roland Twenty-four?
Roland How many's a few?
Marianne Yes. Roland During lunch is it?

Roland He's a child. Beat.

Marianne He's twenty-four, Roland. So when's he gonna move in? Mary,when's he gonna -

Roland Where do you have sex? Marianne There's no date.

Marianne All sorts of places. Roland But he is gonna move in?

Roland Fuck does that mea n> Marianne Hopefully.

Marianne It's means we've had sex in more than one place. Roland Am I boring?

Roland Here? Marianne What?

Marianne Roland, of course we've not had - Roland Do I bore you?

Roland His place? Marianne Of course not.

Marianne Yes. Roland We don't talk abo ut space eno ugh, is that it?

Roland Where does he live? Marianne It's nothing to do with work.

Marianne Brighton. Roland That does n't make it better, y' know. If you'd said yes, if you'd
said yes, it's because we don't talk about space enough, it might have
Roland You have sex in the daytime then?
made a bit more se nse. I'd kick myself for not making more of an effort,
Marianne Yes. but at least it'd make a bit more sense .

Roland In the fucking daytime? Marianne There's no linear explanat ion I'm afraid.

Marianne Sometimes, yes. * * "',"t

Roland Where have you been ?

Marianne Work. Roland Once.

Roland I sent you a text. Marianne Once?

Marianne I know. Roland Tuesday the week before last, yeah.

Roland You've not texted me back? Marianne What were you doing, what were the two of you doing?

Marianne I know. Roland I was helping her set up a hive.

Roland What does that mean? Marianne Is this a fucking joke?

Marianne It means I know that you sent me a text. Roland No .

Roland I didn't know where you were. Marianne You were helping her set up a fucking hive?

Marianne Why are you being so tetchy? I was at work and I missed the Roland Yes.
seven thirty-seven and then the eight oh-four didn 't turn up. What's
Marianne Speak up.
wrong, what's the matte r?

Roland I said yes. Yes, I was helping her -

Roland Mary I'm really sorry but I had sex with Alison O'Connor Tues-
day the week before last. Marianne Is it se rious?

Marianne Alison O'Connor. Roland I don't know.

Roland Yeah. Marianne You don't know?

Marianne I thought she was going bald? Roland I need some time to think about it.

Roland What? Marianne Oh you need some time to think abo ut it?

Marianne She's going bald, Roland , she's going fucking bald. Well Roland Preferably,yes.
how many times? How many times did you have sex with her, Roland?
 Beat. Roland This is the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me. I'm
serious .
Marianne Does this mean you're moving out>
Marianne You'll be fine.
Roland Up to you, really.
Roland I don 't know what I'm gonna do.
Marianne If it were up to me, Roland, you wouldn't have fucked fuck-
ing Alison O'Connor. Marianne You can rnove back to Tower Hamlets.

Roland All right. Roland Is that meant to be a joke?

Marianne I beg your pardo n> Marianne Of course it's not. I just meant that you've got lots - There's
lots you can do.
Roland Calm down.
Roland I don 't care.
Marianne Fuck you actually.
Marianne Come on.
Beat.
Roland I don 't.
I've never been happ ier. Living with you. Just so you know.
Marianne You're being melodramatic.
* * "',"t

Roland How long have you been waiting to te ll me?

Roland That does n't make it better, y'know. If you'd said yes, if you'd
said yes, it's because we don't talk about space enough, it might have Marianne A week.
made a bit more sense. I'd kick myself for not making more of an effort,
Roland I was going to propose .
but at least it'd make a bit more sense.
Marianne Roland -
Marianne There's no stra ightforward explanation I'm afraid.

Roland Don't make me leave.

Roland I need some time to think about it.

Marianne Roland -
Marianne Oh you need some time to think abo ut it? Marianne Where have you been?

Roland Preferably,yes. Roland Pub.

Beat. Marianne I sent you a text.

Marianne Does this mean you're moving out? Roland I know.

Roland Up to you, really. Marianne Whydidn't you text me back?

Marianne If it were up to me, Roland, you wouldn't have fucked fuck- Roland Dunno.
ing -
Marianne What does that mean?
Roland All right.
Roland It means I dun no. Means I didn't think it was urgent.
Marianne I beg your pardon?
Marianne I didn't know where you were.
Roland I don ' t wanna fight.
Roland I just told you.
Marianne Tough.
Marianne Now, you just told me now, but I wanted to know -
Roland What?
Roland I was playing tennis. I was playing tennis with Tony and then
Marianne I said tough. we went to the pub. What's wrong? I'm sorry. What is it, what's wrong?

Roland Mary,come on, I'm telling you because I regret it, not because Marianne Roland, I'm really sorry.
I want us to -
Roland What, what is it?
Marianne You regret somet hing once; you don't regret it and then
Marianne James and I had sex.
keep going.
Beat.
Roland What's the likelihood you might be able to forgive me?

Marianne Roland, did you hear what I -

Roland I know. Roland I'm not sure we ever reallytalked about it?

Marianne What? Marianne I thought we did?

Roland You had a message from him while you were in the shower. I Roland Bits and piecesmaybe.
read it.
Marianne Well she said she wanted them to stop the IV.did we talk
* * * about that?

Rolandhits Marianne.Beat. Roland I think maybe we did yeah.

Marianne Yeah you need to leave. Marianne They asked me to leave. I went back the next day and she was
starting to look like a ghost. It takes an enormous amount of strength. When
Roland Make me.
you're like that. To keep going. I'm not sure I have it.
Marianne What?
Roland You don't know. Youdon't know that.

Roland I said make me.

Marianne Sinkingfeeling.

* * * Roland Mary listen to me -

Marianne I keep thinkingof Mum.

Marianne I'm so tired. I'm so tired, Roland.Beforepeople hadface

Roland In what way?

Beforethey had face
Marianne Beforeshe died.
Face beforethey
Roland Right.
FUCK.

Marianne When she said she didn't want any morefood.

Roland Okay.

Roland Yeah.
Marianne God.

Marianne Do you remember?

Roland God?
Marianne People'sliveswere their own. Before it became skin Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man
who made this honey.
Skin, it became
Roland What did she say?
Skin
Marianne ...
Roland Skin?
Roland I read one of your papers.
Marianne Mum wasn't scaredof dying, she was scared of beingkept alive.
Youknow? Marianne You did not>

Roland Yes. Roland I did. I downloaded it.

Marianne That wasn't what scared her. Marianne Which one did you read?

Roland Something to do with the XMM Cluster Survey?

Roland Hello, Marianne. Marianne That's really amazing, Roland.

Marianne Roland. Wow,hi - Hello. How are you> Roland What did you think of the honey?

Roland Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious. Are you, are you here
for the ballroom class?
Marianne Oh good. Good, that's really good.
Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah.
Roland How about y'self?
Marianne Really.
Marianne I bought some of your honey.
Roland Heather's getting married in a couple of months, so.
Roland Oh really.
Marianne The PE teacher?
Marianne From the Budgens in Crouch End.
Roland What's that?
Roland Yeah, right. They're really great.
 ' ',

Marianne He was a, he was a PE teacher, wasn't he? Roland Sorry.

Roland Right, no, I see. They called it a day. New bloke's a something - Marianne Are you, are you here for th e ballroom class?
or-ot her for the Office for National Statistics.
Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am , yeah.
Marianne Wow.
Marianne Ballroom, really?
Roland I've been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else. How
Roland Heather's gett in g married.
about you?

Marianne Heather?
Marianne Simila r, really. Wedding.

Roland My sister.
Roland Your own or -

Marianne Heather , of course.

Marianne No, mine, yep.

Roland I've been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else.
Roland Congr atu lations.

Marianne Did you, did you know that I was goi ng to be here?
Marianne Yep.

Roland What? Did I -

Roland Is your. Fiance, is he -

Marianne Know th at I was going to be here?

Marianne Held up . He's. Been held up.

Roland No. No , of course not.

Beat.
Roland Hello, Marianne. It's Roland.

Marianne I'm learning ballr oom because I'm getti ng ma rried, Roland.
Marianne Roland.

Roland No , sure.
Roland How are you? Hope I didn 't scare you?

Marianne In September.
Marianne No. A bit. Maybe. I mean , a bit .
Roland Congratulations. Roland Yeah, right. They're really great.

Marianne Thank you. What about you, are you - Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man
who made this honey.
Roland I was, but, for the moment, no.
Roland What did she say?
Marianne Married?
Marianne She just stared at me. How is everything) Business-wise.
Roland Seeing someo ne. I was seeing someo ne. But we broke up. So.
Roland Good, yeah. ' Bout to start doing pollen.
Marianne I'm sorry.
Marianne Pollen?
Roland No, please . Don't be.
Roland Yeah, you have to - Y'scrape it off the legs of the bees and
* * * then you ground it down. Really good for you apparently.
Marianne Hello, Roland.
Marianne Scraping the legs of bees, or pollen?

Roland Marian ne. Wow, shit. How's it, how's it going?

Roland Had a, had an offer from Tesco of all people.

Marianne Well. I'm really well. Thanks.

Marianne For the pollen?

Roland Great. Thass really great.

Roland No, just for the honey.

Marianne Yourself?
Marianne How much for?

Roland Yeah, no, I mean, good, yeah.

Roland Fair whack.

Marianne I bought some of your honey.

Marianne What did you say?

Roland Oh really.
Roland Told 'em to go fuck 'emselves. I read one of your papers.

Marianne From the Budgens in Crouch End.

Marianne You did not)
Roland I did. I downloaded it. Marianne Oh wow.

Marianne Which one did you read? Roland So. Yeah.

Roland Something about hot subdwarf stars? Marianne Who's the, who's the lucky lady?

Marianne Were you really looking for midget porn on Google? Roland Alison. Alison O -

Roland What's that? Marianne I remembe r.

Marianne Subdwarf - It was a - Roland How about y'self, are you -

Roland Gotcha. Marianne Just trying to lose a bit of weight. Too many late-night diges-
tive binges. I blame the subdwarfs. The stars - The, the paper you read -
Marianne That's really amazing, Roland. Thank you.

Roland What did you think of the honey? From Budgens.

Roland Heather's getting married in a couple of months, so.
Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious.
Marianne The PE teacher?
Roland It's heather.
Roland What's that?
Marianne Yes.
Marianne He was a, he was a PE teacher, wasn't he?
Roland We cart the bees up to the heather moors every August. One
by one. Roland Right, no, I see. They called it a day. New bloke's a some thing-
or-other for the DVLA.
Marianne One by one?
Marianne Wow.
Roland Hives, not bees.
Roland I've been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else. How
Marianne Are you, are you here for the ballroom class?
about you?
Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah. I'm. I'm actually. Engaged .
Marianne Similar, really.Wedding.
Roland Your own or - Marianne Well done on the comfortab le tro user front. I came straight
from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking sauna by the time I got
Marianne No, God, can you im agine. I'm being a very dili gent brides-
home.
mai d. We're having some kind of mass Viennese waltz. I'm not sure I
fully und erstand it as yet. Beat.

Roland So is this your first) Lesson. I have to say it because if I don't I'll feel like a fraud.

Marianne No, second. You? Roland Mary -

Roland Fi rst, yeah. Marianne Let's go for a drink. I don' t know what I'm doing here any-
way. One dri nk. And if you never want to see me again you never have to
Marianne Well done on the comfortab le trouser front. I came straight
see me again.
from work. Last week. Cro tch was like a fucking furnace by the tim e I got
home. * * *
Beat. Roland Mary -

Roland Mary, I'm sorry. Marianne Why don't we go for a dri nk? I don' t know what I'm doing
here anyway. One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never
have to see me again .

Marianne Well done on the comfo rtable trouser front. I came straight
from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking infer no by the time I got
home. Roland Mary -

Beat. Marianne One dr ink. And if you never want to see me again you never
have to see me again.
Rolan d, I'm sorry.

Roland What for?

* * *
Roland Mary -
Marianne And if you never want to see me again you never have to see Roland And is that how you'refeeling about it?
me again.
Marianne I don't know.
"',"(
* *
Roland WouldI be able to come with you?
Roland / don't reallyknow what to say.
Marianne I'm going to speak to Martin. Would you want to? Come with
Marianne Youdon't have to say anything. me.

Roland No I know but I want to; I want to know what to say to you. Roland Wouldyou want me to come with you?

Marianne A lot of peopleapparentlynevergo throughwith it. Mariannenods. Beat.

Roland How do you mean? Marianne I keep thinking of Mum.

Marianne A Jotof people, once they've been given the greennight

Night Rolandtakes a piece of A4 paperfrom a pocket and reads.

Roland There are
Once they've A lot of
three di fferent kin ds of
bees. The drones , the
Roland It's okay.
wor kers and a single,
Marianne They're, they're happy enough knowingit's there. solit ary queen. The
wo rkers are all women.
Roland How do you know that? Their job is to forage
for honey, pollen ,
Marianne It's on the website.
etcetera. Their li fespan

Roland When you say 'a lot' how many are we talking? is potentia lly anywhere
between five weeks and
Marianne I think it was something like two-thirds. Safety net. Fora lot of six month s. And then

people. they di e. Dro nes exist

solely to have sex with
the queen. Each hive one thing I am defiant ly
tends to have around a certain of.
hundred dron es. Once Rolandfolds up the piece of paper,puts it back in his pocket and - from
they've deposited thei r another pocket - takes out a small black box. He kneels and opens the
sperm, their penis gets
small black box.
rip ped off and

they die. Ho neybees Marianne Roland - Roland Marianne Aubele, will you m arry me?
have an
Marianne Roland, I've got a tuto rial. You can't j ust tur n up like this. I

unfailing clarity of mean. It's the middle of the day, there's a lot going on. I need to thin k

purpose. Their lives are about it. I'm sorry. I jus t. I just really need some space.
often intensely short.
Rolandstandsand returns the small black box to his pocket.
But in a strange sort of
way, I'm j ealous of the
humb le

honeybee and their Marianne Roland any moment a - Marianne This is a surprise.
quiet
Roland Is it?
elegance. If only our
existence Marianne It's the mid dle of the afternoon .

were that simple. If only Marianne Any mome nt a -

Roland Are you busy?
we could understand
why it is
Marianne Are you - Is everything -
that we're here and
what it is that we're Roland There's something I'd like to say. To you.
meant to spend our
Rolandtakes a piece of A4 paperfrom a pocket and reads.
lives doing. I am
uncertain when it There are three differe nt kinds of bees. The dr ones, the workers and a
comes to a great many
single. solitary queen. The wo rkers are all wome n. Their job is to forage
things . But there is now
for honey, pollen . etcetera . Their lifespan is potentia lly anywhere between Roland Is it?
five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have
Marianne It's the middle of the afternoon.
sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones.
Once they've depos ited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and they Roland There's somet hing I'd like to say to you.
die. Honeybees have an unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often
intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I'm jealous of the humble Rolandreachesinto a pocket, but there is nothing there.
honeybee and their quiet elegance. If only our existence were that simple.
Shit.
If only we could unders tand why it is that we're here and what it is that
we're meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a Marianne What is it?
great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.
Rolandchecks his other pockets.
Rolandfolds up the piece of paper,puts it back in his pocket and - from
Roland I've left it at home.
anotherpocket - takes out a small black box.
Marianne Left what at home? Roland.
Marianne Roland, please.

Rolandkneelsand opens the small black box. Beat.

Roland, get up, come on. Roland, is everything all right?

Roland Okay I'm gonna just - I'm gonna just own up: I came down
Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?
here because I wanted to - I had this whole speec h written out. Took me
Beat. a fucking age. And it's - It's just thrown me a bit.

Marianne Roland, we talked about this. Come on . Marianne Roland you're sweating.

Rolandstandsand returns the small blackbox to his pocket. * * *

Roland There's somet hing I'd like to say. To you.

Marianne This is a surprise. Rolandreadieshimself to speak.

Um, so, as you know, well, maybe, maybe you know, there are, there are Rolandtakes a piece of A4 paperfrom a pocket and reads.
three different kinds of bees. There's the drones, there's the workers and
Roland There are three different kinds of bees. The drones , the work-
there's the queen. And the, the drones are all women. Sorry, the, the
ers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is
workers, the workersare all women. The drones have sex with the queen.
to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potent ially any-
But then once they've, once they've ejaculated, they, er, they die. Shoulda
where between five weeks and six months . And then they die. Drones
written this down.
exist so lely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have aroun d a
Marianne Roland - hundred drones. Once they've depos ited their sperm , their penis gets
ripped off and they die. Honeybees have an unfailing clarity of purpose.
Roland What I'm tryina say is that bees have a really short life. They
Their lives are often intense ly short. But in a strange sort of way, I'm jeal-
have an incredibly short life and then that's it. Possibly the bit about the
ous of the humb le honeybee and their quiet elegance. If only our exis-
life span shoulda come at the start and then I coulda moved on to the -
tence were that simple. If only we could und erstand why it is that we're

Marianne Is there somet hing - here and what it is that we're meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncer-
tain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I
Roland Do you remember when we first met? am defiantly certain o(

Marianne Yes. Rolandfolds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and - from
another pocket - takes out a small black box. He kneels and opens the
Roland Youdo?
small black box.
Marianne Yes.
Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?
Roland At that wedding.
Marianne Okay.
Marianne What?
Roland Really?
Roland John and Ruth's wedding.
Marianne Yeah, really.
Marianne We met at a barbecue.
Marianne kisses Roland. Roland slides the engagement ring on to the
appropriatefinger. MariannekissesRoland.
Where was that speech from? Was it from a book? It was, wasn 't .1t.) was You
it the Ted Hooper? It was, wasn' t it>
Youhave to meet them a coupleof times.
Roland Bits.
Roland Alwaysout there?
Mariannelaughsand then kissesRoland.
Marianne / think so.
Marianne I've got to do a fucking tutorial.
Roland Then what?
Roland I' ll see you at home.
Marianne Then it's up to you.
Marianne Is that okay?
Roland How do they do it, how does it work?
Roland Of course.
Marianne They use something calleda Bar
Marianne Thank you.
Abar
MariannekissesRoland.
A
* * * A
Marianne If you'reseriousyou write to them.
Roland It's okay.
Roland Meaningwhat?
Marianne They mix it with water.
Marianne Outline why they ought to be taking you seriously.
Roland / don't reallyknow what to say.
Roland And if they do?
Marianne Youdon't have to say anything.
Marianne You meet someone.
Roland No / know but I want to; I want to know what to say to you.
Roland Out there or here?
Marianne A lot of people apparentlynevergo throughwith it.
Marianne Out there. You
Roland How do you mean? Roland Do you want some booze, I mean -

Marianne A lot of people, once they've been given the greennight Marianne I'm just after a momen t's silence and then I'll tell you any-
thing you want.
Night
Beat.
Once they've A lot of
He said, I think, something like a third, a third of people live for a year.
Roland It's okay.
Roland What about the other two?
Marianne They're, they're happy enough knowing it's there.
Marianne What~

Roland What about the other two-thirds, how long do they -

Roland How bad is it? Mary -
Marianne I don't know. Roland, I don 't know.
Marianne It's pretty bad.
Roland What did they tell you, what did the -
Roland How bad is pretty bad?
Marianne I don't - I don't know. I can't remember. They gave me
Marianne They said being under forty might help, but -
some leaflets. I mean fuck me, why does it matte r what happe ns to the
Roland Mary,how bad is pretty bad? other two-thirds?

Marianne I'm not sure I want to talk abo ut it right away. Roland Whydoes it matter?

Roland Mary I've been waiting around on tenterhooks. Marianne Yes.

Marianne I'm not sure I can talk about it right away. Roland It matters because presuma bly we don't know which third
you're going to be?
Roland Do you want something to drink, do you want some water?
Marianne Why are you being arsey with me -
Marianne No thank you.
Roland I'm not being -
Marianne Yes you are, you're being arsey. You're getting mad at me Roland Okay.
for not remembering this number or that number - I mean who gives a
Marianne This is it, they said.
fuck -

Roland Okay. Okay.

Roland All right -

Marianne I'll go upstairs and get my fucking handbag and you can
rifle through the plethora of leaflets if it bothers you that fucking - Marianne Why don't you sit down>

Roland All right. All right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did he talk about treat- Roland I need to sit down, do I?
ment?
Marianne Maybe. I mean . No, standing is fine.
Marianne He said they can opera te. Try and remove it, remove as
much of it as they can. Then they said radiotherapy but if I'm too weak Roland I would have come with you if you'd told me, you know.

for radiotherapy, they said chemo. Shitload of chemo. It's right at the
Marianne I know.
front.
Roland I would've cance lled -
Roland The front?
Marianne I know. I wanted to go alone.
Marianne It's all over the frontal lobe.
Roland I'm a bit angry actually, Mary.
Roland I don ' t know what that means.
Marianne Angry?
Marianne He said I might have trouble selecting words. Selecting the
right words. He said I should expect seizures. Roland I'm saying so that you know.

Roland Jes us Christ. Marianne You're angry?

Marianne It's palliative. Whatever they do. It's not - They can't. Roland I'm saying so that you know because I don't want to have an
argument .
Roland Okay.
Marianne Glad to fucking hear it.
Marianne They said this is it.
Roland All right. Roland Who did you see?

Marianne I'm sorry you missed out on the sheer joy that was col- Marianne Dr Thorne.
lecting the results of my biopsy, Roland.
Roland What did he say?
Roland All right.
Marianne He said it's benign.
Marianne But, forgive me, I didn't feel like inviting along a fucking en-
Roland What?
tourage of onloo kers.
Marianne He said that it's a grade one and he said that it's benign.
Roland All right! Christ. I'm telling you so I can get it off my chest be-
cause I want to be as honest with you as I possibly can. Because I don't Roland Wait, he said that -
know what you're about to say but it's clearly bad news and I want to be
able to listen and not be thinking I wonder what she did with herse lf Marianne He said that, ordinarily, with a grade one he would expect to

once she heard ? see a full recovery.

Marianne The reason - Roland Did he use the phrase 'full recovery'?

Roland I wonder why she didn't call me straight away? Marianne Exact quote.

Marianne I knew that you were - Roland He sa id -

Roland Because I would have droppe d absolutely anything and every- Marianne Ordinarily we would expect to see a full recovery.
thing and I wonder if she knows that?
Roland Fucking hell.

Marianne Yeah.
Marianne So I got my biopsy results.
Roland What happe ns now?
Roland Today?
Marianne They need to operate.
Marianne They called me and asked me to come in.
Roland But he definitely used the phrase 'full recovery•>
Marianne He did. Roland Speaking.

Beat. Marianne He said he thinks they should operate.

Roland Are you all right? Roland Great.

Marianne Yeah. Marianne He said he thinks that's what they should start with.

Roland Are you sure> Roland Great.

Marianne Yeah. Marianne And then he suggested radiotherapy.

Roland Are you hungry, do you want some bolognaise? Home-made. Roland Okay.

Marianne Have we got any of the nice spaghetti? Marianne But he said that if I'm too weak for radiotherapy -

Roland I love you. Roland Too weak?

Marianne Yes.

Marianne It's called a glioblastoma multiforme. Roland Okay,sorry.

Roland Right. Marianne He said that if I'm too weak for radiotherapy then chemo is
proba bly better.
Marianne It's a grade four.
Roland Okay.
Roland Right.
Marianne He ... he said that ...
Marianne It's at the front.
Roland We can stop .
Roland Okay.
Marianne No, I'm okay.
Marianne Which is why I've been having trouble -
Roland We could eat.
Marianne No, I'm fine. on a forum.

Roland Honestly, we can stop, we can eat. Roland A forum?

Marianne Think I'd rather. Think I'd rather just get - Marianne People had left all these dedications to all these people they
had known that had died. There were pages and pages of them. Most of
Roland No, you're right -
them were really wet and drippy. I got really fucking ang ry.
Marianne Think I'd rather just get through it.
Roland Angry?

Roland Absolutely.
Marianne There's so much bullshit.

Marianne It's a year.

Roland You mean on the -

Roland A year?
Marianne When someo ne dies.

Marianne Probably less .

Roland Right.

Roland It's proba bly less than a year?

Marianne There's so much bullshit. 'When your time's up your time's
Marianne He didn' t say that, but. up.'

Roland They didn't say that? Roland Right.

Marianne I went online. Marianne 'Time', I mean what on earth are they even talking about?

Roland But they didn' t tell you that? Roland Why don't we -

Marianne They said we should talk about all of that when we next Marianne 'She was a real fighter.' Was she> Well, she obviously didn't

meet, but when I got back to campus - do a very good fucking job, did she?

Roland Mary - Roland All right.

Marianne I know, I know. It's stupid. I shouldn't have done it. I went Marianne Some of them had uploaded photos.
Roland We should eat. Roland I understand.

Marianne There was a photograp h of a woman with God knows how Marianne The doctor thinks they should opera te.
many tubes hanging out of her and she was surrounded by these garish
Roland Good.
fucking balloons.
Marianne Opera tion to start with.
Roland Some people like to give people balloons.

Roland Great.
Marianne If you give me a balloon, I will fucking garotte you.

Marianne Then he suggested radiothe rapy.

Roland Note to self.

Roland Okay.
Marianne And if you put a photo of me on a fucking forum, I will
haunt the shit out of you. Marianne But he said that if I'm too weak for radiotherapy then chemo
is probably better. It's a year.
Roland No forums.

Roland A year?
Mariannegoes to cry,but stopsherself.
Marianne Might be less.
Okay. Let's eat. We should eat.
Roland Less than a year?

Marianne Yes.
Marianne and Rolanduse signlanguagefor thefollowing lines.
Roland Less than one year of your life to live?
Marianne It's a kind of cancer. A kind of tumour.

Marianne Wasn't spec ific.

Roland Okay.

Roland What did the doctor say?

Marianne It's at the front.

Marianne I went online.

Roland Okay.

Roland Who said less than one year?

Marianne It's the reason I've been having trouble typing.
Marianne They said we should talk about all of that when we next Marianne Some of them had uploaded photos.
meet, but when I got back to campus, I went on a forum.
Roland We should have so mething to eat.
Roland A forum?
Marianne There was a photograph of a woman with God knows how
Marianne Yes. many tubes hanging out of her and she was surrounded by these garish
fucking balloons.
Roland Why did you go on to a forum?
Roland Some people like to give people balloons .
Marianne People had left all these dedications to all these people they
had known that had died. There were pages and pages of them. Most of Marianne If you give me a balloon, I will fucking garotte you.
them were really wet and drippy. I got really angry.
Roland Note to self.
Roland Angry?
Marianne And if you put a photo of me on a fucking forum, I will
Marianne There's so much crap. haunt the shit out of you.

Roland What do you mean? Roland No forums.

Marianne When someone dies. Mariannegoes to cry,but stops herself.

Roland Right. Whydon't we have somet hing to eat?

Marianne There's so much crap. 'When your time's up your time's

up.'
Marianne I think I'd like to go abroad.
Roland Right.
Roland What do you mean?
Marianne 'She was a real fighter.' Was she>Well, she obviously didn't
Marianne I'm not. I'm not sure how much of a differencethe chemo is re-
do a very good fucking job, did she?
allymaking.
Roland All right.
Roland D'you mean you're not sure or they're not sure?
Marianne I mean me. I mean I'm not sure. Marianne Yes.

Roland Why? What aren't you sureabout, why aren't you sure? Roland Why didn't you tell me?

Marianne It'sganging Marianne It's the words,Roland. It's exhibit

It's It's ex

It's It's becomingmore and more tiring.

I was coming home. I was on the train and I was c-coming home. A group of Roland You mean speakingto me, the two of us, is tiring, or you mean
men got on. A group of thirty-year-oldmen. They were pissed. I was sat at a everything?
table and I had my laptop out. They sat at my table and the table opposite.
Marianne I mean everything.
They started, they started winding me up. I put my laptop in my bag and I
tried to move to a differentseat. But they blocked me, they wouldn't let me Roland I didn't realise.
past. I couldn't speak. I couldn't find the right wordsand they started laugh-
ing. They howled with laughter.I started to cry andfinally one of them said Marianne I know.

that's enough.
Roland I'm sorry.

Roland You shouldhave said, you shouldhave told me.

Marianne I know.
Marianne I went on to campus.
Roland I don't know what to do.
Roland What do you mean, what for?
Marianne Youdon't have to do anything.
Marianne To have lunch with Melisa.I had a seizure.
Roland I want to help.

Roland What? When? Mary.

Marianne Youare.

Marianne A coupleof weeksago.

Roland So when you say abroad,you mean abroadand not come back?

Roland A coupleof weeksago?

Marianne Potentially yes.
 .',
Roland How does it work? Marianne I think so.

Marianne Youbecome a mem ber. Roland Then what?

Roland A member? Marianne Then it's up to you.

Marianne Paysome money. Roland How do they do it, how does it work?

Roland How much? Marianne They use something calleda Bar

Marianne I don't know what it is in pounds. Abar

Roland Then what? A

Marianne If you'reseriousyou write to them. A

Roland Meaningwhat? Roland It's okay.

Marianne Outline why they ought to be taking you seriously. Marianne They mix it with water.

Roland And if they do? Roland I don't reallyknow what to say.

Marianne Youmeet someone. Marianne Youdon't have to say anything.

Roland Out there or here? Roland No I know but I want to; I want to know what to say to you.

Marianne Out there. You Marianne A lot of peopleapparentlynevergo throughwith it.

You Roland How do you mean?

You have to meet them a coupleof times. Marianne A lot of people, once they've been given the greennight

Roland Always out there? Night

Once they've A lot of Roland Right.

Roland It's okay. Marianne When she said she didn't want any morefood.

Marianne They're, they'rehappy enough knowing it's there. Roland Yeah.

Roland How do you know that? Marianne Do you remember?

Marianne It's on the website. Roland I'm not sure we ever reallytalked about it?

Roland When you say a lot how many are we talking? Marianne I thought we did?

Marianne I think it was something like two-thirds. Safety net. Fora lot of Roland Bits and piecesmaybe.
people.
Marianne Well she said she wanted them to stop the IV. did we talk
Roland And is that how you'refeeling about it? about that?

Marianne I don't know. Roland I think maybe we did yeah.

Roland Would I be able to come with you? Marianne They asked me to leave. I went back the next day and she was
starting to look like a ghost. It takes an enormous amount of strength. When
Marianne I'm going to speak to Martin. Would you want to? Come with
you're like that. Tokeep going. I'm not sure I have it.
me.
Roland You don't know. Youdon't know that.
Roland Would you want me to come with you?
Marianne Sinkingfeeling.
Mariannenods. Beat.
Roland Mary listen to me -
Marianne I keep thinking of Mum.
Marianne I'm so tired. I'm so tired, Roland. Beforepeople hadface
Roland In what way?
Beforethey had face
Marianne Before she died.
Face beforethey
FUCK. Marianne I know the word. I know the word I'm trying to type. But I
don't know the letters. None of the lettersseem right. Rea
Roland Okay.
Rea
Marianne God.
Rea
Roland God?
Roland Youdon't need to finish.
Marianne People'sliveswere their own. Before it became skin
Marianne I want to.
Skin, it became
Roland I think I know what you'retrying to say.
Skin
Marianne How How can you know what I'm tryingto say?
Roland Skin?
Mmm Most of the time I don't even know what I'm trying to
Marianne Mum wasn't scaredof dying, she was scaredof beingkept alive.
say.
Youknow?
Roland You'reright I was being polite because I don't want you to wear
Roland Yes.
yourselfout.
Marianne That wasn't what scaredher.
Marianne Maybe we shouldget me a notepad to hang around my neck?

Roland I understand.
Roland What?

Marianne It's not just the speaking.

Marianne Kidding.

Roland Okay now I don't understand?

Roland Maryfucking hell.

Marianne Reading. I'm having trouble- Numbers, words,on the page. I

Marianne Roland I don't think that I can go back to work.
don't know how to explainit. Typing. Typing, as well.
Roland Have they told you that?
Roland In what way?
Marianne They'regreat.
Roland You'vetold them then? Marianne I don't -

Marianne Not yet. Roland I'm being serious.

Roland But you'regoing to. Marianne I don't -

Marianne I think so. Roland I mean it.

Roland But you haven't said any of this to them? Marianne / I don't

Marianne They've said whatever I want. We can't. I have to have to make a

Roland So what about part-time? I have to have a choice.

Marianne I don't know the point. Control.

Roland Youmean the point of goingpart-time?

Marianne Either I'm walkingor I'm Roland Taxi's booked for nine.

Either I'm walker Marianne I know.

I eitherdo it or I don't. Scaresme. Roland Gives us an extra half an hour.

Roland Work? Marianne It does .

Marianne Stopping. Roland Are you tired>

Roland Stopping work scaresyou? Marianne A bit.

Marianne What will I do? Roland Would you like to go to sleep ?

Roland We'll go away. We can do whatever we want. Marianne What time is it?
Roland Are you cold?

Marianne No. Roland Taxi's booked for nine.

Roland I could turn the air condit ioning off> Marianne I know.

Marianne I'm fine. Roland Gives us an extra half an hour.

Marianne It does.

Roland Taxi's booked for nine. Roland Are you tired?

Marianne I know. Marianne A bit.

Roland Gives us an extra half an hour. Roland Would you like to go to sleep?

Marianne It does. Marianne What tim e is it?

Roland Are you tired? Roland Are you cold?

Marianne A bit. Marianne No.

Roland Would you like to go to sleep? Roland I could turn the air condit ioning off?

Marianne What time is it? Marianne I'm fine.

Roland Are you cold? Roland Do you want to put the telly on?

Marianne No. Marianne No thank you.

Roland I could turn the air condit ioning off? Roland Are you hungry?

Marianne I'm fine. Marianne Full.

Roland I've. I've had a really wonderful day. Mari anne What what do you m ean by tim e?

Marianne Same. Roland Tim e, I mean time, I'd want more time. Wi th you .

Roland Really? Marianne I'm not sure t hat

Marianne Yes. You and I, we might, we thi nk t hat

Roland Can I be honest wit h you? But that, that

Marianne No . There's an arrow from p-past to present .

She'sjoking. Theyperhapssmile a little. Roland Mary -

Roland There are, there are t imes when I look at you and I absolutely Marianne But t hat's really all we can say. Asymmetr ical.
understand why you're doing this. But there are times when I absolutely
Roland Mary -
don't. And I'm not, I'm not saying you should n't be calli ng it a day. But I
s'pose I am starti ng to wo nder i f now is the right tim e. Because if it were Marianne But nobody knows why.
me and I were you I think that I would want as m uch time as possible.
And if you thi nk you've got another couple of months in you, God I Roland Okay.

wo uld love to give that a go.

Marianne L-listen to me, please.
Marianne Yes.
Roland Let's not talk about this now.

Roland What?
Marianne Please.

Marianne (beat) Yes. Let's go home.

Roland I shouldn' t have brought it up.

* * -,'t
Marianne L-listen to me, please. The basic laws of physics - The b-b-
Roland Because if it were me and I were you I think that I would want basic laws of physics don' t have a past and a present. Time is irrelevant

as much time as possible. And if you thin k you' ve got anot her cou ple of at the level of a-atoms and molec ules. It's symm et rical.

weeks in you. God I wo uld love to give that a go.

We have all the time we've always had. Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man
who made this honey.
You'll still have all our time.
Roland What did she say?
Once I
Marianne She just stared at me.
Once
Roland I read one of your papers.
Once
Marianne You did not?
There's not going to be any more or less of it.
Roland I did. I downloaded it.
Once I'm gone.
Marianne That's really amazing, Roland.

Roland What did you think of the honey?

Roland Hello, Marianne.
Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious. Are you, are you here
Marianne Roland. Wow,hi - Hello. How are you?
for the ballroo m class?
Roland Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.
Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah.

Marianne Oh good. Good, that's really good.

Marianne Really.

Roland How about y'self?

Roland Heather's getting married in a couple of months, so.

Marianne I bought some of your honey.

Marianne The PE teacher?

Roland Oh really.
Roland That's right, yeah. Good memory. I've been ordered to sort out

Marianne From the Budgens in Crouch End. my two left feet or else . How about you?

Roland Yeah, right. They're really great. Marianne Similar, really.Wedding.

Roland Your own or -

Marianne No, God, can you imagine. I'm being a very diligent brides-
maid. We're having some kind of mass Viennese waltz. I'm not sure I
fully und erstand it as yet.

Roland So is this your first? Lesson .

Marianne No, second. You?

Roland First, yeah.

Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight

from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking hothouse by the time I
got home .

Beat.

Roland We should - Afterwards - If you - If we're not both completely

exhausted. There's a nice place not that far. We could - We could try
going for a drink? But if we get there, if we're there, if we're there and
you, you change your mind, if you change your mind and you wanna call
it a day, then we' ll just call it a day. We'll just call it a day and you' ll never
have to see me again.