Adult Wellness

C MPASS

Adult Wellness Circle

Program Workbook

D. Scott Stoner, LMFT & Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT

 This Workbook belongs to:

Wellness Circle Date:

Thank you for honoring my privacy by not reading what

I have written. It is intended for my reflection alone.

Copyright ©2018 D Scott Stoner, Holly Hughes Stoner, and The Samaritan Family Wellness Foundation
Editing by Robbin Whittington Page design and composition by Rick Soldin Logo design by jbgraphics,
inc All rights reserved No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without
permission of the authors Image Credit: p 4: used under license from istockphoto com
Contents

An Invitation to the Adult Wellness Circle Program 1

What is Whole-Person Wellness? 2
Adult Wellness Circles … 3
Expectations for Participants in a Wellness Circle 4
An Overview of a Six-Week Adult Wellness Circle 6

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected 7

Adult Wellness Compass: A Brief Overview 8
Adult Wellness Compass Self-Assessment 9
Sample Responses 10
Sample Results 11
What is a NEXT Step? 12
Mapping Your Journey of Growth and Change 13

SESSION 2: Whatever You Pay Attention to is What Will Grow 17

SESSION 3: Change is Inevitable.Growth is Optional. 19

SESSION 4: The “J” Curve Phenomenon 21

SESSION 5: Systemic Dynamics and Change 23

SESSION 6: Where To From Here? 25

Adult Wellness Circle Self-Assessment: Your Results 29

Heart Relationships 30
Handling Emotions 32
Soul Spirituality 34
Rest and Play 36
Strength Stress Resilience 38
Care For The Body 40
Mind Vocation 42
Organization 44

Choosing a Centering Practice 46

About the Authors 51
The Samaritan Family Wellness Foundation—a foundation

committed to supporting and enriching the well-being of

youth, parents, families, and adults—was created with

a generous gift from Ab and Nancy Nicholas. While Ab

passed away in 2016, their generous support continues

to inspire us and to make this resource possible.

An Invitation to the Adult Wellness Circle Program

Honest self-reflection and meaningful conversations have the power

to change lives and build community Adult Wellness Circles provide
opportunities for adults to experience both

For more than thirty years, we have had the honor of walking with people
of all ages on their journeys toward wellness and wholeness We have
walked with people in our professional lives as family therapists, and in our
work in schools, YMCAs, community centers, and in faith communities
Yet no matter the context, we have listened to people express a desire for
more places where they can have open, authentic conversations about the
important things that are going on in their lives Wellness Circles are meant
to fill that gap They have been designed to offer participants a safe place in
the midst of a changing and often-challenging world, and a greater sense of
meaningful, connected community

The Adult Wellness Circle program is based on the belief that we all
know what we need to do in order to become more whole It is also
based on the belief that we cannot be whole by ourselves; this journey
requires the care and support of others The program provides both a
structure and a process for the individual and communal dimensions
of this journey It will help you name what you already know (although
you may not be aware that you know it!), and with the support of others,
help you to risk taking action steps to make the changes you truly desire

This program addresses eight dimensions of wellness: Healthy

Relationships, Handling Emotions, Spirituality, Rest and Play, Stress
Resilience, Care for the Body, Vocation, and Organization You will
learn about each of these dimensions of wellness and how they are
interconnected You will learn how to be more intentional about how
you live your life, and the choices you make And hopefully, you will
connect with others and have fun along the way

It is an honor to walk with you on your journey toward greater wellness

Welcome to your Adult Wellness Circle

Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and D. Scott Stoner, LMFT

Co-Directors, The Samaritan Family Wellness Foundation
What is Whole-Person Wellness?
The words whole and health come from the same root, hal, and the word whole
means “undivided, complete, or entire ” When applied to whole-person wellness
this means we are addressing all the dimensions of a person’s being: physical,
spiritual, emotional, relational, intellectual, and vocational This approach to
wellness differs from the predominant practice in our culture of treating each
aspect as if it is separate from the others

Until very recently wellness focused primarily on the physical dimension of our
being However, it is now common knowledge that when we spend time proactively
working on our physical wellness, we experience a much lower rate of disease
Whole-person wellness simply extends this idea to all of the dimensions of our
lives The Adult Wellness Compass provides a way for us to proactively work on
each of these dimensions, resulting in a much lower rate of disease, and “dis-ease ”

The greatest wisdom we have learned from the field of whole-person wellness is that
each of the dimensions of our being are interconnected, meaning that each affects
the other Difficulty sleeping may be connected to any, or all, of the following: stress
at work, stress at home, a sense that life has lost its meaning, a change in diet, or the
recent loss of a loved one The whole is truly greater than the sum of the parts, and
it is time we integrate and support all of the dimensions of our being as we seek to
be whole and well

Life is a journey, and like any journey, it is important

at times to make sure you are intentional about the
direction in which you are heading. The Adult
Wellness Circle program offers an opportunity
for you to pause and check your bearings. First,
you will check the direction in which you are
heading in different aspects of your life. Then
you will ask yourself, “Am I heading in the
direction that I desire for myself?”
Your wellness circle will help you explore these
questions and, if necessary, make adjustments to the
direction in which your life is heading.

2 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

 The Core Principles of Adult Wellness Circles

1. Resilience and wellness are rooted in community

2. Resilience and wellness are rooted in identifying and acting in alignment
with one’s core values and beliefs, or spirituality
3. Grow resilience by remembering:
• “Change is inevitable Growth is optional ” —John C Maxwell, leadership
expert, speaker, and author
• “Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow” —Deepak Chopra, author
• “We have to do different to get different ” —Anonymous

Adult Wellness Circles …

• focus on possibilities, not problems
• will never ask or require you to share if you are not comfortable
• help you take concrete steps toward reaching your goals
• are helpful when you are going through a transition in your life
• help you achieve greater balance
• help you reduce and better manage stress
• help you remember what you already know
• help you improve your relationships
• help you actualize the positive changes you’ve wanted to make
• help you stop unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy habits
• are not a substitute for professional help; a wellness circle is not group therapy
or a 12-step group
• might just be one of the best decisions you can make for your life right now

Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook 3

Expectations for Participants in a Wellness Circle
• Arrive 5-10 minutes early so that your wellness circle can start and end on
time
• Make a sincere effort to attend all six meetings Four is the minimum
commitment
• Honor confidentiality of what is shared in the circle
• Respect everyone’s journey and never judge
• Avoid giving advice to others and instead focus on listening deeply to them
• “Resource” the people in the circle any time you want feedback or ideas from
others
• Do not monopolize “air time” in the group Everyone needs equal time to
speak It is the responsibility of both the facilitator and the group to make
sure everyone has equal time to share
• Establish clear goals and NEXT Steps for yourself and commit to working
on them between group meetings Engage with the process and the materials
and come to each meeting prepared to share your progress, as well as any
challenges

4 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

 Adult Wellness
C MPASS
The Adult Wellness Circle program is designed to assist YOU in making the changes
you decide are right for you Typically meeting for six weeks or six sessions, this
program is a combination of education and life coaching that maximizes success
with making positive changes The chances of change happening are small when
we simply hear a “good idea ” However, when we generate the idea for a change
ourselves, make a plan for the change, speak the change out loud to others, and
receive the accountability and support of others who are working on their own
positive changes, there is a much greater chance that the change will occur

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected. In

this session participants assess their whole-person wellness using the Adult
Wellness Compass Self-Assessment, and then are introduced to “Mapping Your
Journey of Growth and Change ” Participants also learn about the importance of
committing to a mindfulness/centering practice and choosing a wisdom quote for
support on their journey of growth and change
SESSION 2: Whatever You Pay Attention to is What Will Grow. Research
shows that 50%-70% of all visits to the doctor are rooted in non-medical causes
Learn about the wellness continuum and how to pay attention to what you need
to pay attention to In this session participants create a map for their journey of
growth and change using NEXT Steps as a tool, and then share their map with the
group
SESSION 3: Change is Inevitable. Growth is Optional. Learn how to turn
change into growth In this session participants share how their journey is going
and receive support from both facilitators and the group
SESSION 4: The “J” Curve Phenomenon. Growth is rarely linear Learn how
to overcome the most common reason people are not successful in their attempts
at growth and change Receive continued support from the group
SESSION 5: Systemic Dynamics and Change. In this session participants
learn how their growth impacts the other systems in their lives by exploring
the concepts of “Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing ” They receive
continued support from the group
SESSION 6: Where to From Here? In this final session participants celebrate
their gains and share plans for maintaining their growth and staying the course
they have chosen for themselves

Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook 5

An Overview of a Six-Week Adult Wellness Circle
1 Choose one of the eight areas of wellness on which to focus based on your
results from the Adult Wellness Compass Self-Assessment

2 Describe where you are, and where you want to be, in this area of your life
This is the “You are Here” and “Wish You Were Here” part of the Mapping
Your Journey of Growth and Change

3 Select an inspiring quote to guide you

4 Choose a centering/mindfulness practice that you will commit to doing

during this program

5 Invite others to support you on your journey

6 Harness hope from previous positive experiences of growth as you consider

any challenges you anticipate on this journey

7 Set a specific goal for the change and growth you seek

8 Determine a NEXT Step you will take each week toward your goal

9 Continue to draw support and accountability from your Wellness Circle as

you make progress with your goal and NEXT Steps

6 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness:
How Everything is Connected
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the one who’ll decide where to go.
—Dr Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Welcome to the Adult Wellness Circle program We are glad you are here The fact
that you are here says that you are committed to having a greater sense of whole-
ness and balance in your life This program will help you get started on this journey
and, along the way, will help you get to know the fellow travelers from your group
who will be walking this journey with you There are very few places in our culture
where people have the opportunity to gather to have honest conversations about
life, wholeness, balance, and well-being Your wellness circle provides a unique
opportunity in a trusted setting for you to have authentic conversations with others
about your true self as you seek to steer your life in the direction you choose

Do you remember when you were young and adults taught you how to cross a busy
street? They broke it down into four simple steps: stop, look, listen, and proceed
Those same four steps also describe the process you will follow in this program,
except this time the goal is not crossing a busy street, but rather to better discern
a path to greater balance and wholeness You have already started the first step,
which is to stop You have paused in the midst of your busy life to make the time
commitment to participate in this program Over the course of the next six weeks
or sessions, in addition to the group meetings, we will ask you to make time each
day to stop and reflect on your goals and action steps as you seek to achieve a
greater sense of balance in your life

The next step in the process is to look closely at your life as it is right now A little
later on in this session, you will begin to complete the Adult Wellness Compass
Self-Assessment The assessment results are like a mirror that will reflect back your
current state of wholeness and balance The results are a present-moment snapshot
of how you are experiencing your life now Next, you will be invited to listen to
your deepest self in order to discern the changes you both desire and are being
asked to make Finally, with the help of your wellness circle, you will proceed with
specific action steps that will lead to a greater sense of wholeness and well-being

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected 7

Adult Wellness Compass: A Brief Overview
The Four Compass Points
The “Compass” points toward the four dimensions of our being: heart, soul, strength,
and mind. These dimensions are interconnected and our lives are intricately woven
together Much like an ecosystem, each area is affected by
the other areas of the compass; therefore, whatever
impacts one dimension of our lives (positively or
negatively) impacts the other dimensions A change
in one area of our lives impacts the other areas The
four points of the Adult Wellness Compass provide
a set of maps for understanding eight areas of whole-
person wellness

Eight Areas of Wellness

We are not compartmentalized people The Adult Wellness Compass is based on
the premise that wellness is a multidimensional phenomenon that requires us to
take care of and nurture ourselves in all eight areas identified on the compass Here
are the eight areas of wellness you will work with in your Wellness Circle:

1. Relationships. The ability to create and maintain healthy, life-giving

connections with others
2. Handling Emotions. The ability to process, express, and receive emotions
in a healthy way
3. Spirituality. The development and practice of a strong personal value
system and a meaningful purpose in life
4. Rest and Play. The ability to balance work and play and to renew oneself
5. Stress Resilience. The ability to deal positively with the adversities of life
6. Care for the Body. The ability to build healthy habits and practices regarding
our physical well-being, as well as the ability to end unhealthy ones
7. Organization. The ability to keep track of and make good use of possessions,
money, and time
8. Vocation. The ability to get the most out of employment, educational, and
volunteer opportunities

8 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Adult Wellness Compass Self-Assessment
During the first session of your Wellness Circle you will complete the Adult Wellness
Compass Self-Assessment Your results will provide you with a present-moment
snapshot of your life, showing you the areas you have been paying attention to,
and the areas where you might want to invest more of your attention Think of
the eight areas of wellness in your shaded-in compass as a garden; some areas are
well-watered, and some are perhaps a bit wilted and in need of care

As you assess each dimension of your whole-person wellness, be sure to read about
each area, beginning on page 30 Following a brief introduction, you will find
ten assessment statements related to each dimension that are meant to guide you
in your self-assessment Use your responses to the statements to arrive at numbers
you’ll use to shade in each dimension on your own compass on page 29 It is helpful
to keep in mind that the self-assessment reflects aspects of your life at this very
moment It might be different if you had filled this out a month ago, or a month
from now After you’ve added up your responses and have a total number (from
0–100) for an area, either from your assessment results or your “gut” feeling, shade
in that area with your total Think of “0” as the center, “50” as halfway out, and
“100” meaning you shade in the whole wedge

Whatever We Pay Attention to is What Will Grow

One of the core principles of an Adult Wellness Circle is, “whatever we pay atten-
tion to is what will grow” At any given time, we have areas of our lives with which
we are satisfied, and other areas where we are less so Chances are pretty good
that the areas where we experience satisfaction are the areas where we have been
focusing our attention The opposite of this is also true If we are less satisfied with
some area of our lives, it may well be because we have not been giving it enough
of our attention

This can quickly become an ongoing cycle because we tend to prefer focusing our
attention on the areas of our lives that are going well, while ignoring or avoiding
the areas with which we are less satisfied If we haven’t exercised in years, we may
find it hard initially to pay more attention to that area of our life If we neglect
keeping a budget and making good financial decisions, we may resist paying
attention to that area of our life, as well, because it can be unpleasant We are all
capable of minimizing and denying those areas of our lives that are not going so
well because it pushes us out of our comfort zone and can be overwhelming Let’s
take a quick look at the Adult Wellness Compass Self-Assessment, which will be
your trusted compass and guide for the next six weeks in your Wellness Circle,
and beyond

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected 9

Adult Wellness Compass Self-Assessment: Sample Responses

Organization Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

7
I have a way of keeping track of my calendar, helping me keep my
commitments organized, that works well for me

6
I have a budget and a savings and/or retirement plan and have a
method for helping me stick with it

6
I am always on time for work, appointments, meetings, and
social events

7
I regularly take time to clean and organize my personal places, such
as my home, car, office, etc

4
I am happy with the way I organize my priorities to ensure that I
have enough time to dedicate to all of the different aspects of my life

Handling Emotions Self-Assessment

At the end of each day I usually feel like I completed most everything
I had planned to get done 5
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on

6
the following scale If a statement does not apply to youIthen
regularly
simplymake
givetime to plan ahead for things so that I rarely have to
yourself
a “10” for that statement rush around at the last minute to get ready

6
Others whose lives are impacted by mine would describe me
Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always
as organized
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
My finances are well organized because I do the following: maintain a

6
budget, keep track of expenditures, save money, balance my checkbook,
10
People who know me would say that I handle my emotions in a
pay all bills on time, organize tax information and file my taxes on time
healthy way

7
I regularly go through my possessions and get rid of/donate things I

8
I avoid using alcohol, other drugs, and other unhealthy habits to deal
no longer need or want

60
with my emotions
TOTAL

10
I am able to share the full range of emotions (including sadness, fear,
joy, laughter, and worry) with people I trust
When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the

8
Organization “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.
When someone I care about is upset, I am comfortable listening,
rather than telling them what to do

I have a solid and healthy sense of confidence in myself 7

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Mind 45

10
I feel good about the way I handle my emotions and how they affect
my relationships

10
I am able to communicate my emotions in a positive way without
being irritable, critical, or angry

8
I know the early warning signs of depression and anxiety, and seek
help if I recognize these signs in myself

9
When I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed I turn to others for
support and help

10
The way I express my emotions demonstrates respect toward myself
and others

TOTAL 90
When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Handling Emotions “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Heart 33

10 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Adult Wellness Compass Self-Assessment: Sample Results

SO
RTEMOTIONS
SPIR IT
UA
L IT
Y
A

ULREST &
HE
PS
HI
S
ION
R ELAT

PLAY
GTSILIENCE
H
RE
M

N OR
GA OD
Y
N
D E
I

NIZ R B
ATIO
R E FO
N CA
ST R

Once you have arrived at your total score from each self-assessment, shade in
that section of the compass on p 29 (“0” is at the center, “50” is halfway out,
and “100” is at the outer edge) Your scores are not “good” or “bad,” nor are
they “strong” or “weak ” This self-assessment is simply a “snapshot” of your life
at this very moment It might be helpful to think of it as a garden Your results
show areas of the garden you have been watering, and which areas may be in
need of some additional watering

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected 11

What is a NEXT Step?
A NEXT Step is just that, the next step you feel ready to take based on a goal
you set, inspired by what you learned by taking the Adult Wellness Compass Self-
Assessment After taking the assessment, you may or may not feel the need to
create a NEXT Step You know better than anyone what you need We are simply
offering an invitation to make a change if you feel the desire to do so

A NEXT Step is based on an acronym that stands for Needed, EXcited, and
Time-specific

Needed means that you have a felt need to take this step It relates to something you
have wanted to do, something you know would be good for you EXcited means that
you are positively motivated to take this step—you want to take this step, as opposed
to being motivated by a feeling that you “should” or “have to” take this step Time-
specific means that you will take your step right away or within the next several days
It’s the difference between saying, “Someday I’m going to get my morning routine
more organized,” and “Starting tomorrow, I’m going to get up fifteen minutes earlier
than usual and prepare a simple breakfast so I’ll be better prepared for the day”

N Needed . . .
. . . means the step addresses a felt need that you have.
For example: “For several months now I have been feeling the
need to set a screen curfew so I can relax and unwind before
bed, a time each work night when all screens are turned off ”
EX EXcited . . .
. . . means the motivation for doing the step is positive—I “want”
to do this rather than I “should” or “have to.”
For example: “I am looking forward to having more time to
truly relax, and also getting to bed earlier”
T Time-specific . . .
. . . means I will do my NEXT Step at this time, or within a specific
time frame.
For example: “I want to turn off the lights at 10p, so I will begin
a screen curfew next Monday night at 9p ”

Sharing your NEXT Step with others in your Wellness Circle is one important
NEXT Step you can take You will inspire and learn from each other as you do
this, plus you will become a built-in support system for each other as you put your
NEXT Steps into practice

12 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Mapping Your Journey of Growth and Change
To be completed between Sessions 1 and 2

List 2-3 areas of high satisfaction from your Adult Wellness Compass
Self-Assessment.

List 2-3 areas of low satisfaction from your Adult Wellness Compass
Self-Assessment.

Give some intentional thought to the following questions and then pick the dimen-
sion of whole-person wellness that you would like to address in this program.
• If you think of your shaded Compass as a garden, what area do you think
is in need of some additional watering right now?
• What area do you feel most motivated to work on?
• What dimension do you feel a strong sense of urgency about?

Area of whole-person wellness you want to address in this program.

“You Are Here” | Describe where you are right now in your life in this area of
wellness

“Wish You Were Here!” | Describe what it will be like when you are where you
want to be in this area of wellness

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected 13

Inspiring Quote | Choose an inspiring quote that will motivate you as you
navigate the NEXT Steps in your journey of growth and change This quote could
be from a song, a poem, a famous author, a spiritual text, or other source

Mindfulness/Centering Practice | (see page 46 for help with this) Write down
a centering practice you will commit to on a regular basis during this program

Support from Others | Are there others outside your Wellness Circle whose
support you will want or need?

Previous Successes | What previous successes do you have in making positive

changes in your life that can serve as hope and inspiration for you?

Challenges | What resistance within yourself or others might arise as you seek to
make changes in yourself?

14 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Goals | List one or two goals that you have for yourself A goal can be a long- or
short-term goal

NEXT Steps | List one or two NEXT Steps you will take this week to move toward
your goal A NEXT Step is a step that you feel is: “Needed,” you are “EXcited” to
take, and is “Time-specific ”

Notes

SESSION 1: Whole-Person Wellness: How Everything is Connected 15

Notes

16 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

SESSION 2: Whatever You Pay Attention to
is What Will Grow
We don’t have a health care system in our country, we have an “illness care” system
This is not just true for physical health, but for psychological health, as well
Looking at the continuum below, we see that most people do not seek help until
they are experiencing symptoms and/or disability The goal, then, of the health care
provider is to relieve disability and symptoms in order to get the person back to
the neutral point At this point a person may stop paying attention to their health
until the next time they experience symptoms and/or disability, and the cycle starts
all over again

Personal/Relationship Breakdown Personal/Relationship Wellness

—Reference based on the work of John Travis, MD.

By being a part of a wellness circle you are making a proactive decision to pay
attention to all aspects of your health and wellness As you choose to work on
a particular dimension of wellness, it is essential that you pay attention to the
wellness you already have in that dimension, and how you would like to make it
grow It will not be helpful to focus only on your “problems,” or “what is wrong ”
Self-talk is very important Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you really
care about To such a person you might say, “That’s great that you have started
working on your weight/marriage/work/spiritual life, etc ” You definitely wouldn’t
say, “I can’t believe you waited this long to work on that I doubt you’ll make much
progress at this point in your life ”

Pay attention to how often you focus on the negative in yourself and/or others
Gradually shift your attention to the positive and the possibilities in yourself and/or
others, and that is what will grow

SESSION 2: Whatever You Pay Attention to is What Will Grow 17

Mapping Your Journey of Growth and Change
For use between Sessions 2 and 3

Area of whole-person wellness you wish to continue to focus on, or choose a

new area.

“You Are Here” | Describe where you are right now and note if this is different
than Session 1

“Wish You Were Here!” | Restate or refine where you want to be

Wisdom Quote | Keep the same or choose a new one

Mindfulness/Centering Practice | Keep the same or choose a new one

Support from Others | Have you asked others for support? Do you need to?

List same or new goals as appropriate.

NEXT Steps | List one or two NEXT Steps you will take this week to achieve your
goal

18 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

SESSION 3: Change is Inevitable.
Growth is Optional.
—John C. Maxwell

Every individual, relationship, family, and organization have a set of patterns and
habits within which they normally function Over time these patterns, which are
necessary for our everyday functioning, become familiar and comfortable In our
personal lives, relationships, and organizations, this “Comfort Zone” functions like
a set of unwritten rules about how things should be For example, when a relation-
ship (or organization) has an unwritten rule that conflict will not be talked about
openly or directly, this becomes everyone’s Comfort Zone

In the diagram below, we can see that in order to grow, we need to risk moving out of
our Comfort Zone and into the “Growth Zone ” We move into the Growth Zone in
one of two ways We either move there proactively and intentionally, or we are forced
to move there because of life circumstances Either way, the important thing to note is
that all growth is by definition initially uncomfortable because it requires us to move
out of our Comfort Zone When someone tries a new experience or takes on a new
challenge, it is common to hear them say, “This is pushing me out of my comfort zone ”

We can also find ourselves in the “Panic Zone” in one of two ways: either because
something completely unexpected happens to us, or because something we have
been trying to ignore erupts in a crisis Examples of the former are a health crisis,
an accident, the loss of a loved one, an unexpected job loss, or a natural disaster
Examples of the latter are a relationship ends because of problems that were never
addressed, a person loses a job because they didn’t listen to the feedback they were
getting, a physical symptom that was ignored eventually creates a health crisis, or a
student flunks an exam because they didn’t study or ask for help

We cannot grow when we are stuck either in the Comfort Zone or the Panic Zone
We must seek support (like you are doing in your wellness circle) in
order to intentionally move into the Growth Zone C ZO
NI NE
PA
Individuals, families, and organizations that regularly TH ZO
OW
stretch themselves into the Growth Zone not only mini-
GR

NE

mize their chances of going into the Panic Zone, but also COMFORT
ZONE
continuously expand their Comfort Zones, giving them
greater flexibility and freedom to enjoy the life they have
been given As we spend more time in the Growth Zone,
it becomes, over time, our new Comfort Zone

The Adult Wellness Circle program is designed to help you place yourself in the
Growth Zone as you proactively make changes that will enhance your whole-
person wellness
SESSION 3: Change is Inevitable. Growth is Optional. 19
Mapping Your Journey of Growth and Change
For use between Sessions 3 and 4

Area of whole-person wellness you wish to continue to focus on, or choose a

new area.

“You Are Here” | Describe where you are right now and note if this is different
than Session 2

“Wish You Were Here!” | Restate or refine where you want you to be

Wisdom Quote | Keep the same or choose a new one

Mindfulness/Centering Practice | Keep the same or choose a new one

Support from Others | Have you asked others for support? Do you need to?

List same or new goals as appropriate.

NEXT Steps | List one or two NEXT Steps you will take this week to achieve your
goal

20 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

SESSION 4: The “J” Curve Phenomenon
Last session we talked about how all growth and change is hard because it requires
us to move out of our Comfort Zone In this session we will focus more precisely
on one way in which moving into the Growth Zone is uncomfortable Unless we
understand this, we are likely to retreat to our Comfort Zone out of fear

The “J” Curve shows that when we risk making a change, we often will have two
very different experiences On the one hand, we feel a new openness (growth)
about the future that we are working to create; and our horizons have opened to
new possibilities that we could not see before At the same time, we have never been
here before and will often find ourselves feeling less stable, less sure of ourselves

If you look closely at the diagram, you will see that stability drops faster than the
corresponding gains in openness and growth This is common when we are first
making a big change, especially if the change has not been completely our own
choice Not understanding that growth often means an initial time when stability
declines has caused many people and organizations to attempt retreating to their
Comfort Zones The J Curve shows that with perseverance and time, we will
experience increased stability and openness and growth

We would all like to move from “You Are Here” to “Wish You Were Here” in a nice
straight, upwardly mobile path, but that often is not realistic The bigger the change/
growth we seek, the more likely we are to experience the J Curve phenomenon

Most people understand the J Curve when the change they are going through is an
experience of loss It is easy to see that one will sink down at first when they have
lost a job or a relationship It is
harder for people to understand
ect
that a similar experience hap- e Exp
t W
pens even with positive changes Wha
that they have chosen, such as
a move, a new job, taking on a
Stability

new challenge, or a new rela-

tionship Even in these experi-
ences of change, there is often
an initial period of instability
and disequilibrium
Openness / Growth

—Adapted from The J Curve: A New Way to Understand

Why Nations Rise and Fall, by Ian Bremmer, 2006.

SESSION 4: The “J” Curve Phenomenon 21

Mapping Your Journey of Growth and Change
For use between Sessions 4 and 5

Area of whole-person wellness you wish to continue to focus on, or choose a

new area.

“You Are Here” | Describe where you are right now and note if this is different
than Session 3

“Wish You Were Here!” | Restate or refine where you want you to be

Wisdom Quote | Keep the same or choose a new one

Mindfulness/Centering Practice | Keep the same or choose a new one

Support from Others | Have you asked others for support? Do you need to?

List same or new goals as appropriate.

NEXT Steps | List one or two NEXT Steps you will take this week to achieve your
goal

22 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

SESSION 5: Systemic Dynamics and Change
Any group of people who interact on an ongoing basis constitutes a system Such
groups include families, friendships, work teams, and couples Systems by defini-
tion prefer homeostasis; that is, they like to find a balance point and maintain it
When one person in a system changes it can create a “storm” in the system and it
now needs to rebalance itself This “storming” phase, if it is worked through well,
will lead to a new “norm” that will then allow the system to once again “perform”
well Natural life transitions are one kind of change that can create a storm in a
system For example, let’s say the first child in a family leaves home The family
will now experience a big change in their former norm of what it means to be a
family There may be a period of storming before a new norm is achieved “False
norming” is when a system denies that upset has occurred and instead tries to
pretend everything is still the same

A few other examples might be helpful An organization brings in a new leader who
does things differently A storm is sure to follow until new norms and new ways
of performing are achieved A person in a family gets diagnosed with a chronic
illness The old “normal” is gone and there will be a period of storming before a
new normal can be reached

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes the systems in which we live and work
might not initially support our attempts at growth and change If they don’t, it is
often not a conscious decision Why would they do this? Because when one person
in a system grows and changes, then
the old “normal” of the system Forming
may be threatened, and others
in the system may also have
to change This is why, for
example, a person who
chooses to go into drug Performing Storming
or alcohol recovery often
finds that they need to
create a new group of
friends Norming False Norming
—Adapted from “Tuckman’s Theories,” by Bruce Tuckman, 1965.

SESSION 5: Systemic Dynamics and Change 23

Mapping Your Journey of Growth and Change
For use between Sessions 5 and 6

Area of whole-person wellness you wish to continue to focus on, or choose a

new area.

“You Are Here” | Describe where you are right now and note if this is different
than Session 4

“Wish You Were Here!” | Restate or refine where you want you to be

Wisdom Quote | Keep the same or choose a new one

Mindfulness/Centering Practice | Keep the same or choose a new one

Support from Others | Have you asked others for support? Do you need to?

List same or new goals as appropriate.

NEXT Steps | List one or two NEXT Steps you will take this week to achieve your
goal

24 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

SESSION 6: Where To From Here?
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the one who’ll decide where to go.
—Dr Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

As we gather for our last session, we begin with the quote we shared in Session 1
because we want to both reflect and celebrate the “places you’ve been” these past
six weeks, as well as to look ahead to the places you still wish to go As you check in
with each other about your action steps for this past week, be sure to celebrate the
gains you have made, as well as what you want to take forward from here

If you desire more growth and progress in the area(s) of wellness you have been
working on, or if you decide there are other areas you would like to work on, it will
be important to continue doing what you have learned in this program: engage in
honest self-reflection, set realistic goals, commit to concrete NEXT action steps,
turn to others for support and encouragement, and celebrate your successes You
may want to consider signing up for another Adult Wellness Circle in the future

As you leave this Wellness Circle, in the words of Dr Seuss, “… you know what you
know You are the one who’ll decide where to go ” The questions on the following
page will help you clarify just what it is you know now after having been through
this program Please take ten minutes or so and write some thoughtful responses to
the questions Write down what you wish to celebrate, and also write down where
you intend to go from here in terms of what area or areas of wellness you want to
continue to pay attention to Next, write down a quote that you wish to take with
you; you have been exposed to many quotes in this program, so take time now to
choose your favorite Write down something you are grateful for at this point in
time Finally, write down what you know now about yourself, others, and life itself!

Please remember to pay attention to all areas of your wellness That is one of the
most important things for you to take from this program Pay attention to the
people you care for and to those who care for you Pay attention to any signs that
you are not heading where you want to be heading, or that your life is out of balance
and commit to doing something about it by remembering to stop, look, listen, and
then proceeding again Pay attention to what you are being called to be and do with
your life Pay attention to what you grateful for in your life And remember, too, to
pay attention to what you pay attention to!

SESSION 6: Where To From Here? 25

Closing Reflection and Celebration
For use at the end of Session 6

Celebrate! | Write down one or two things you want to celebrate that happened
for you in this program

The Area of Wellness to which you will continue to pay attention:

A quote you wish to take forward with you:

One thing you are grateful for as you complete this Wellness Circle:

A Mindfulness/Centering Practice that you are committed to continuing:

Something you know now and something you can affirm now about
Yourself:

Your Family/Friends:

Others:

26 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Notes

SESSION 6: Where To From Here? 27

Notes

28 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

 Adult Wellness Circle
Self-Assessment: Your Results

SO
RTEMOTIONS
SPIRIT
UA
L IT
Y
A

ULREST &
HE
PS
HI
S
ION
RELAT

PLAY
GTSILIENCE
H
RE
M

N OR
GA OD
Y
N
D E
I

NIZ R B
ATIO
RE FO
N CA
ST R

To be filled out in Session 1

You can use your responses (on a scale from 0–10) to the Self-Assessment
statements in the following section to arrive at your total number It is helpful to
keep in mind that your responses likely would be different if you had filled this
out a month ago, or were to fill it out a month from now Add up the total from
your responses and then shade in that area of wellness on your compass on this
page with that number (a total of “0” is at the center, “50” halfway out, and a total
number of “100” means you shade in the whole “wedge”) See pages 10 and 11
for examples If you think of this as a garden, the Assessment shows which areas of
your life are well-watered and which perhaps are a bit dry and in need of watering

29
HEART
RELATIONSHIPS
My friends are my estate. —Emily Dickinson, poet

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind
me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend. —Anonymous
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to
you when you have forgotten the words. —Anonymous

Hold a true friend with both of your hands. —Nigerian Proverb

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and
those who matter don’t mind. —Dr Seuss, author
If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and
all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is
present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.
—Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk and author

Relationships are important Relationships are how we interact with all the other
people in our lives While there are times we might feel alone, there are other
people all around us all the time When we build healthy relationships with them,
those relationships can have a very strong impact on our overall well-being

In fact, few things affect the quality of our lives life more than the quality of our
relationships Think about it A fight with a good friend can ruin a day Relationships
can give us energy or drain us of needed energy They are very important, and we
all need to be intentional about how we both build them and participate in them

With relationships being such an important part of our lives, it is important to

pause and take time to look at the relationships we have right now Think about
your relationships with your spouse, significant other, children, parents, extended
family, colleagues, close friends, and others as you read over the following questions

• How honest and transparent are you in your closest relationships?

• Are you comfortable being vulnerable with those to whom you are closest?
• Are you able to turn to others for help and support when you need it?
• Is there at least one person in your life with whom you can be fully yourself?

Please complete the Relationships Self-Assessment on the following page.

30 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Relationships Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I am satisfied with the amount of time I spend with the important

people in my life

I am satisfied with the honest conversations I am able to have with

those who are important to me

My friends and family can count on me when they need to reach out
to me for help

I am able to forgive family and friends for past or present hurts

I am happy with my friendships and other social connections

In my close relationships, I am very satisfied that there is a good

balance between give and take

I can say “no” when I want or need to without worrying about the
reactions of others

I feel good about the impact my use/or non-use of alcohol and other
drugs has on my relationships with family, friends, and colleagues

I feel good about the amount of trust, respect, and honesty that exists
in my relationships with the people in my life

I am able to identify and then work to change or end unhealthy

relationships when needed

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Relationships “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Heart 31

HEART
HANDLING EMOTIONS
The walls we build around ourselves to keep sadness out, also
keep out the joy. —Jim Rohn, author
People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will
never forget how you made them feel. —Bonnie Jean Wasmund, author
If wisdom’s way you wisely seek, these five things observe with care: to whom
you speak, of whom you speak, and how and when and where.
—C L Ingalls, father of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.
—Dalai Lama, spiritual leader
In reading the lives of great people, I found that the first victory they won was
over themselves. Self-discipline with all of them came first. —Harry S Truman,
U S President

Feeling and Expressing the Full Range of Emotions. Imagine your emotions existing
on a continuum, or a scale from zero to ten Think of the emotions on the bottom
end of the scale, zero to five, as the difficult or unpleasant emotions, such as fear,
worry, anger, and sadness Now think of the emotions at the top end of the scale,
six to ten, as the pleasurable emotions, such as joy, laughter, love, and excitement
Right in the middle, at number five, is considered the neutral point, where we don’t
really feel much of anything, pleasant or unpleasant
Here is an important insight: There is a strong connection between the degree to
which we are comfortable feeling and expressing unpleasant emotions and the
degree to which we feel and express pleasurable emotions Difficulty feeling and/or
appropriately expressing unpleasant feelings usually means we will have difficulty
feeling and expressing positive feelings, as well While we know that we all have the
full range of emotions, it is when we either hide our feelings from view or let them
explode that we get into trouble
The following questions might be helpful as you think about emotions
• Are you handling your emotions, or are they handling you?
• Are you comfortable feeling and expressing the full range of emotions: sadness,
fear, anger, joy, etc ?
• Do your emotions “get the best of you,” causing you to say or do things you
later regret?
• Are you ever concerned that you might be suffering from depression or
anxiety? Who would you feel comfortable talking to about these feelings?
• Are you comfortable listening and being present to someone who is hurting,
upset, or very emotional?
32 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook
Handling Emotions Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

People who know me would say that I handle my emotions in a

healthy way

I avoid using alcohol, other drugs, and other unhealthy habits to deal
with my emotions

I am able to share the full range of emotions (including sadness, fear,

joy, laughter, and worry) with people I trust

When someone I care about is upset, I am comfortable listening,

rather than telling them what to do

I have a solid and healthy sense of confidence in myself

I feel good about the way I handle my emotions and how they affect
my relationships

I am able to communicate my emotions in a positive way without

being irritable, critical, or angry

I know the early warning signs of depression and anxiety, and seek
help if I recognize these signs in myself

When I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed I turn to others for

support and help

The way I express my emotions demonstrates respect toward myself

and others

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Handling Emotions “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Heart 33

SOUL
SPIRITUALITY
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing
is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
—Albert Einstein, scientist

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive
out hate; only love can do that. —Martin Luther King, civil rights leader
The two best prayers I know are, “Help me, help me, help me” and, “Thank you,
thank you, thank you.” —Anne Lamott, author

Something precious is lost if we rush headlong into the details of life without
pausing for a moment to pay homage to the mystery of life and the gift of
another day. —Kent Nerburn, author

The word spirituality comes from the same root as the word breath We see the root of
the word spirituality in words like respiration, which means “to breathe,” and inspire,
which means “to breathe new life into something ” In our metaphor of a compass,
our spirituality is how we define “true north” for ourselves Our spirituality gives
our life direction and purpose, inspires us, gives us the energy to live, and guides
our life choices

Spirituality then is not the same as religion, although devoting oneself to a particular
religion is one way in which a person could express their spirituality Spirituality,
whatever that looks like for each of us, helps us to define our core values and beliefs,
those we turn to to guide all the important decisions in our lives If honesty, respect,
and integrity, for example, are cores values for you, they will guide how you treat
others, as well as provide guidance for you if an opportunity to be dishonest or
disrespectful presents itself In any number of ethical situations you face each day,
your spirituality helps you decide about things such as caring for others, giving to
charity, gossiping, lying, or stealing

Another way to think about spirituality is to think of it as the root system of a tree
In order for trees to grow tall and weather storms, droughts, and other extreme
conditions, they need to have strong root systems Roots literally keep trees
well-grounded

What is true for trees is also true for people We all need a strong root system to
sustain us through the many changes and challenges we will face in life, both now
and in the future And it is our spirituality that identifies our purpose, forms our
values, and gives us meaning, hope, and grounding

Please complete the Spirituality Self-Assessment on the following page.

34 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Spirituality Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

My life has meaning and purpose

I am pleased with what I give back to the world

I have centering/spiritual practices that are a regular part of my life

I have activities that I do regularly to renew my soul, to center

myself, and to gain perspective

My core values and beliefs guide my thoughts, behaviors, and daily

decisions in a way that makes me feel good The way I live my life is
consistent with my spirituality, and core values and beliefs

I have a deep sense of gratitude for the many good things in my life

I seek forgiveness from family and friends when I have hurt them

I can forgive myself when I have made a mistake

People who know me well would describe me as very compassionate

I am a part of a community that enriches my spiritual life

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Spirituality “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Soul 35

SOUL
REST AND PLAY
Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first
four sharpening the axe. —Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of
the United States

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of
conversation. —Plato, philosopher
People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find
time for illness. —John Wanamaker, merchant

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it. —Sydney J Harris,
journalist

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
—Chinese Proverb

Telling people how busy we are seems to have become a badge of honor in our
culture Many of us are involved in so many things and have so many responsibilities
that we can easily lose track of how important rest and play are to our well-being

The quote from President Lincoln talks about the importance of sharpening an
axe before using it to chop down a tree Rest and play helps to strengthen our
well-being so that when we do need to do hard work, we are sharp enough to
perform well If we are having trouble performing well, it may be because we have
become tired and dull and in need of some down time to renew ourselves In this
we are not much different than our phones or any of the other battery-dependent
devices we use—our batteries wear down and need recharging on a regular basis

Think about the word “recreation” … it really means “re-creation ” True recreation
re-creates us! What renews our batteries will be different for each of us Getting
some rest while mindlessly watching TV may be okay in moderation, but it won’t
renew us in the same way a walk, a good conversation, or reading a book that feeds
our soul will Find what works for you

Please complete the Rest and Play Self-Assessment on the following page.

36 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Rest and Play Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I get enough rest to renew myself most of the time

I am satisfied with the amount of time that I set aside for healthy fun

I have at least one hobby or interest that renews me, and I take
intentional time for it on a regular basis

I actively take advantage of opportunities to try new healthy ways to

have fun

I enjoy recreational activities in my community, work, places of

worship, or other local organizations

I am able to take my mind off work while I am away from it

I take time to laugh and enjoy life

I am confident that the amount of time I spend on email, online,

watching TV, on my computer, on my phone, and other technology,
is good for my overall well-being

I frequently have fun where alcohol and other drugs are not involved

I use some of my free time to renew my relationship with myself

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Rest and Play “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Soul 37

STRENGTH
STRESS RESILIENCE
Is everything as urgent as your stress would imply?
—Carrie Latet, poet
No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it. —Harry Emerson Fosdick, pastor
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. —Ralph Waldo Emerson, author
When it rains, I let it. —A one hundred and thirteen year-old-man when asked
about his secret to growing old
Stress is the trash of modern life—we all generate it, but if you don’t dispose of it
properly, it will pile up and overtake your life. —Danzae Pace, author

Stress resilience has to do with how well we deal with two separate aspects of our
lives The first is how we emotionally and spiritually negotiate significant changes
and transitions (planned and unplanned) The second is how well we manage stress
in general in our lives Being highly resilient, which means “to bounce back, or
spring back to shape or form,” implies that we have taken the time and allowed
ourselves to do the hard work of fully working through the stages of grief when
we have experienced a significant change Too often we try to avoid these feelings,
which seems like a good idea in the short term, but will always limit our emotional
and spiritual wellness in the long run
As you assess your satisfaction with this dimension of your life, reflect on whether
you have been through, or are currently dealing with, any of the stressful changes
listed below How fully have you addressed any transitions you have been through?
How much do unresolved or frozen feelings of grief (sadness, loss, anger, fear)
currently affect you? Are you being proactive in managing stress, or do you feel
that it is burning you out?
• Divorce or break up • Death of a loved one
• New relationship • Child leaving home
• Birth of a child • Move to a new location
• New job, loss of job, or change of job • Recent accident or injury
• Financial stress • Work stress, impossible boss
• Major health issue in yourself or a loved one • Unemployment
You will also want to stop and reflect on whether you are a stress “junkie”—a
person who thrives on having high levels of stress in their life most of the time A
person who seems to thrive on stress and intensity, getting a “high” from living in
“fight/flight” mode It is indeed possible to live this way for a short time, but even-
tually the presence of chronic stress chemicals in your body will cause a decrease
or breakdown in functioning across all dimensions of your life
Please complete the Stress Resilience Self-Assessment on the following page.

38 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Stress Resilience Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I adjust to changes in my life in a positive way

I am dealing well with changes, planned or unplanned, that have

occurred in my life

I seek support from others, rather than isolating myself, when I find
myself stressed or in a time of transition

I set realistic goals for myself

I have the tools necessary to handle a major life challenge

I recognize the physical signs of stress: headaches, trouble sleeping,

feelings of depression, or outbursts of anger, and try to make healthy
adjustments accordingly

When I encounter challenges, I am able to keep them in perspective

When I have a problem, I turn to others for support rather than

keeping it to myself

I have healthy ways to handle the stresses in my life, such as exercise,

meditation, creative outlets, or yoga

I refrain from using alcohol, drugs, or food to numb or self-medicate

when I am stressed

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Stress Resilience “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Strength 39

STRENGTH
CARE FOR THE BODY
We do not stop exercising because we grow old—we grow old
because we stop exercising. —Kenneth Cooper, doctor
Don’t dig your grave with your knife and fork. —English Proverb

If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
—Mickey Mantle, baseball player

Being our best through generous self-care is the finest way to be of service to
others. —Margaret Stortz, minister
Our food is our medicine and our medicine is our food.
—Hippocrates, philosopher

Our culture puts a great deal of emphasis—some might say too much emphasis—on
physical wellness and body image The two extremes of either obsessing about our
bodies, or neglecting them, are clearly something we want to avoid It is essential
for our long-term health to find a balanced approach to the care and nurturing of
our physical wellness The more intentional and proactive we are about caring for
our bodies, the less time we will spend at the doctor’s office As you think about
caring for your body, you might reflect on the following questions

• Are you mindful about your nutrition and eating patterns?

• Are your eating choices primarily conscious or unconscious?
• Are you concerned that you too often eat for emotional reasons as a way to
comfort yourself?
• What role does alcohol or other drugs play in your life? Are you content with
that role?
• Are you consistent about going to the doctor and dentist for regular checkups
and care?
• Are you comfortable with your sexuality and your sexual needs?

Please complete the Care for the Body Self-Assessment on the following page.

40 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Care for the Body Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I get an amount of regular physical activity that is healthy for me

I treat my body with respect

I am comfortable with my sexuality, knowing that my sexual

decisions are healthy and safe for me, physically and emotionally

The daily decisions that I make about what I eat and drink are healthy

I go to the doctor and dentist for regular checkups, and seek help
when a health problem arises

I feel comfortable about my relationship with food

I know that the decisions I make about the use of tobacco, alcohol,
and/or other drugs are healthy for me

My current weight is healthy for me

I feel a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem regarding my body

Most days I get at least eight hours of sleep

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Care for the Body “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Strength 41

MIND
VOCATION
People for the sake of getting a living, forget to live.
—Margaret Fuller, author

Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; from discord find harmony;
in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. —Albert Einstein, scientist

Nothing will work unless you do. —Maya Angelou, author

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at
work worth doing. —Theodore Roosevelt, U S President

Many people spend a majority of their waking hours each week at work * How
we experience our work/vocation can have a major impact on our wholeness and
wellness

A story is told of a student who asked her wise teacher, “I want to make a difference
in the world What does the world need me to do?” The teacher responded, “Do
what makes you feel most alive, because the world needs more people who are fully
alive ” So … what kind of work or service makes you feel most alive?

The questions below should help you assess your satisfaction with this aspect of
your life If you are retired or not working, you might reflect on volunteer/service
work that you do You might also reflect back on the work that you have done in
your life

*Please note that when we talk about “work” we include paid employment and
volunteer/service work

• Is the work you do congruent with your values and beliefs?

• Do you have a sense of purpose in your work/service/vocation?
• Do you see how your work/service/vocation fits into the bigger purpose of
your life?
• How do you relate to those with whom you work or serve?
• Are you comfortable expressing your needs and wants where you work or
serve?
• Are you growing in your work/service/vocation?
• Do you intentionally seek opportunities for growth and learning?

Please complete the Vocation Self-Assessment on the following page.

42 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Vocation Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

(*Please note “work” and “vocation” encompass paid employment and volunteer/
service work )

I make good use of my talents and passions in the work I do

I am satisfied with how my work life is balanced with my personal life

I have others in my life who enjoy the same kind of work I do

I welcome new opportunities to learn new things that will enhance

my vocation

I enjoy my current vocation

My vocation is compatible with my beliefs and values

If I were to decide to make a change in my vocation, I would know

where to begin

I am satisfied with the pay and recognition I receive for my work

I am proud of myself when it comes to the work I do

I have a clear sense of purpose and direction in my work

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Vocation “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Mind 43

MIND
ORGANIZATION
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
—Immanuel Kant, philosopher

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your
priorities. —Stephen R Covey, author

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can
determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it
for you. —Carl Sandburg, author

A place for everything, and everything in its place. —Isabella Mary

Beeton, journalist

Being disorganized can be both a symptom and a cause of stress in our lives,
whether it be disorganization of time, environment, finances, or planning Every-
thing becomes harder and requires more time when we are not organized A vicious
cycle is easily established as we become more stressed due to not being organized,
which in turn causes us to be even less organized and more stressed

That’s the bad news The good news is that anyone can make immediate progress in
becoming better organized once they set their intentions to do so and once they ask
for the support and coaching of others The patterns we have established around
organizing our time, money, “stuff,” etc , are simply learned habits and, like all
habits, they can be changed And while it may feel like it will take forever to make
this kind of change, research has shown that on average it takes only 30 days to
form a new habit So where to begin?

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes about what
he calls the “tyranny of the urgent ” By this he means that people often are so
overwhelmed with all that they are trying to do in the now, that soon everything
seems like it is urgent and they lose their ability to plan and prioritize One of the
symptoms of getting caught up in the “tyranny of the urgent” is that it feels like we
are wasting time if we take time out to plan and prioritize In the end, planning and
prioritizing will save us time and make our lives much calmer, but it can be difficult
to remember this when we are caught up in our constant busyness

Take an honest look at your life and assess how well you organize all the important
things in your life: time, calendar, finances, closets, drawers, meals, grocery
shopping, work, errands, important papers and documents such as wills, titles, and
birth certificates

Please complete the Organization Self-Assessment on the following page.

44 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Organization Self-Assessment
Respond to the following 10 statements with a number between 0–10, based on
the following scale If a statement does not apply to you then simply give yourself
a “10” for that statement

Never Sometimes Half of the Time Most of the Time Always

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I have a way of keeping track of my calendar, and keeping my

commitments organized that works well for me

I have a budget and a savings and/or retirement plan and have a

method for helping me stick with it

I am always on time for work, appointments, meetings, and

social events

I regularly take time to clean and organize my personal spaces, such

as my home, car, office, etc

I am happy with the way I organize my priorities to ensure that I

have enough time to dedicate to all of the different aspects of my life

At the end of each day I usually feel like I completed most everything
I had planned to get done

I regularly make time to plan ahead for things so that I rarely have to
rush around at the last minute to get ready

Others whose lives are impacted by mine would describe me

as organized

My finances are well organized because I do the following: maintain a

budget, keep track of expenditures, save money, balance my checkbook,
pay all bills on time, organize tax information and file my taxes on time

I regularly go through my possessions and get rid of/donate things I

no longer need or want

TOTAL

When you are finished, total your score and then take that number and shade in the
Organization “wedge” of your Self-Assessment Results on page 29.

Area of Whole-Person Wellness: Mind 45

Choosing a Centering Practice
An important step in mapping your journey of growth and change is choosing
a centering practice Don’t be intimidated by this A centering practice is simply
a commitment to do something on a regular basis that connects you with your
higher self / higher power, and refreshes and energizes your soul By definition,
our souls are unique, and so what refreshes our souls will be different for each of
us While we are each unique, we share the universal need to regularly water and
nurture our spirits/souls

Following is a sampling of mindfulness/centering practices some people have used

in the Adult Wellness Circle program This is a list to simply help you get started
in case you are stuck You decide how often and how long you wish to commit
to doing a centering practice You can stay with one practice for all six weeks, or
choose a different one each week

• Keep a gratitude journal and write what you are thankful for every day
• Learn about and/or start a mindfulness practice
• Play a musical instrument, sing, or dance, with others or alone
• Sit quietly in silence or while listening to your favorite music
• Meditate on a spiritual reading or quote by repeating it slowly in time with
your breath
• Spend time in nature
• Read a book that inspires your soul
• Choose a mantra and speak it silently or out loud throughout the day
• Practice yoga, tai chi, or other forms of spiritual movement
• Paint, draw, or try some other form of artistic expression
• Write a letter to someone you love (living or someone who has passed)
• Play with your pet
• Create a meditation space in your home
• Say a prayer or offer a thought of gratitude when waiting
• Exercise

46 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Notes

Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook 47

Notes

48 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

Notes

Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook 49

Notes

50 Adult Wellness Circle Program Workbook

About the Authors
Scott and Holly Stoner are the Co-Executive Directors of the Samaritan Family
Wellness Foundation in Milwaukee, Wisconsin They are both Licensed Marriage
and Family Therapists (LMFTs) with a combined sixty-five+ years of experience
helping parents and families Scott—founder of the Living Compass Wellness
Initiative—has served his community for more than 30 years as a psychotherapist,
retreat leader, spiritual director, pastor, and author Holly has worked with many
families and children as a teacher at the grade-school, middle-school, and high-
school levels, and both Holly and Scott have worked with families from all walks
of life in their family therapy practices

Married for over 40 years, they are the creators of the Parent Wellness Compass:
Outfitting for the Journey, The Teen Compass Wellness Notebook, and both the Parent
Wellness Circle and the Teen Wellness Circle programs
 Adult Wellness
C MPASS

Life is a journey, and like any journey, it is important

at times to make sure you are intentional about the
direction in which you are heading The Adult Wellness
Circle program creates the opportunity for you to pause
and check your bearings

This program includes the Adult Wellness Compass

Self-Assessment, a signature resource in this program
It is completed during the first session and then serves
as a guide to help participants identify and create NEXT
Steps on their journey toward whole-person wellness

SamaritanFamilyWellness.org
150AWCPW