FAMILY GUY SPEC SCRIPT: PETER GETS WOKE

Written by

Sam Sterbenz

Based on, Family Guy

Email: samuelsterbenz@gmail.com
Phone Number: 831-345-3386
FADE IN.

EXT. THE QOAHOG THEATER - NIGHT

PETER, LOIS, BRIAN, STEWIE, CHRIS and MEG are walking out of
the theater.

The marquee reads: Hamilton.

LOIS
Wow, that was amazing.

BRIAN
Truly a beautiful performance. So
fresh.

PETER
I don’t know I was kind of
distracted by all the horny
teenagers.

INT. THEATER AUDIENCE - NIGHT

The Griffin family sits behind a row of high schoolers. All

the high schoolers are wearing Hamilton sweatshirts and are
perched at the edge of their seats.

LIN-MANUEL comes out to do his prologue.

LIN-MANUEL
Welcom-

He is cut off by loud obnoxious cheers from the high

schoolers. He takes a breathe and starts again.

HIGH SCHOOLERS
(ad-lib stuff like)
YES! SEXY!

LIN-MANUEL
Welcome to-

He is cut off again by even louder screams from the high

schoolers. SHANNON (16) stands up directly in-front of Peter.

GABE
I want your babies!

LIN-MANUEL
Welcome to ha-
 2.

He is cut off again by more cheering. Gabe (15) stands up in-

front of Brian.

SHANNON
Show us your fur sir!

LIN-MANUEL
(angry)
Could you please shut up. I am an
actour and you are making it hard
for me to act.

SHANNON
Oh my god. He talked to me. Does
this mean I’m gonna be on Ellen?

PETER
Jeez I’m glad my kids aren’t like
this. Speaking of which where’s
Meg?

Meg is standing on the side of the stage. She runs out and
flashes Lin Manuel. A security team runs out and tackles her.

CUT BACK TO:

EXT. QOAHOG THEATER - NIGHT

PETER
What do they see in that man that I
don’t?

LOIS
(sighing)
Everything.

This next line should be sung in the style of Hamilton.

LOIS (CONT’D)
How does a Brian, Peter, Meg and a
Stewie become a -

STEWIE
Hey is this gonna happen the whole
episode? Because if it is i’m just
gonna go...

CHRIS
Can we go home now I have to finish
my science project. I’m gonna see
if frogs can really breathe under
olive oil.
 3.

BRIAN
You guys go to the car I’m gonna
pee in this ally.

STEWIE
Me too.

Peter, Meg, Lois, and Chris walk off. Stewie and Brian walk
into an ally.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

PETER, LOIS CHRIS AND MEG are sitting in the car. Peter keeps
trying to start the car but it won’t start.

The gas tank reads: E.

LOIS
Great we’re out of gas.

PETER
No reason to worry Lois. I saw a
gas station just one mile away. If
we all push we can get there in no
time.

EVERYONE
Ugh.

EXT. ALLY - NIGHT

Brian and Stewie are standing back to back peeing next to a

dumpster.

Stewie looks down and sees that he is peeing on a hand gun.

He bends down and picks it up.

STEWIE
Wo-ho Brian.

Brian turns around sees stewie holding the gun. He jumps

back.

BRIAN
Stewie what the hell. Put that down
it’s probably evidence.

STEWIE
How come you never want to do what
I want to do?
 4.

BRIAN
Hand it over stewie it’s not safe.
I’m turning it in to the police.

Brian grabs it, smells it and realizes it’s covered in

Stewie’s pee. He drops it and it fires.

BRIAN (CONT’D)
Stewie, gross it’s covered in your
pee.

STEWIE
I suppose that means it belongs to
me then.

BRIAN
You know, for once I cannot argue
with you.

Brian hands Stewie the gun. Stewie pats brian on the nose.

STEWIE
That’s a good dog. Now roll over.

BRIAN
Knock it off.

Stewie points the gun at Brian.

STEWIE
Roll. Over.

BRIAN
Uh oh okay yes.

Brian slowly starts to roll over.

STEWIE
I’m just joking Brian. Stupid dog.

EXT. GAS STATION - NIGHT

Peter, Chris, Lois and Meg are out of breath, panting next to
the car.

Peter pulls the pump out of the car.

PETER
There we go. One full tank of
diesel. That’s the stuff.
 5.

Peter gets in and closes the door. They drive off but before
they can leave the gas station driveway the car runs out of
gas again.

The car makes MOTOR FAILURE sounds.

PETER (CONT’D)
Welp outta gas.

LOIS
My god Peter, this car is a gas
guzzler. It’s terrible for the
environment. We really need to get
a new car. I saw a new hybrid in a
magazine the other day.

CHRIS
A car in a magazine? How the hell
does a car fit in a magazine?

Peter lights a cigarette inside the car

PETER
That’s ridiculous Lois, climate
change isn't real. This car is an
American, and his father before
him. We can’t replace him with some
new hybrid.

LOIS
Peter, climate change IS real.

PETER
Sure, Lois... Suuure.

LOIS
I’m being serious you imbecile. You
haven't changed since the day I met
you. But times have changed and you
need to adapt.

PETER
Geez what do ya mean Lois?

LOIS
I mean you need to stop ignoring
the worlds problems.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Lois sits Peter on the couch and turns on the TV.

 6.

LOIS
I’ve had enough Peter. You are
gonna learn that you have been
ignorant and blind your whole life.

The TV turns to CNN.

PETER
CNN? God that Anderson Cooper is
not getting any younger.

LOIS
You are gonna sit down and watch
this until you realize what a fool
you have been. And I am going to go
to bed and NOT think about
Hamilton.

The TV reads “Special Report: Fossil Fuel Fuels Climate

Change”.

Lois walks upstairs. Brian walks in.

BRIAN
Wow CNN, You know Peter I didn’t
take you for an intellectual.

Peter instantly falls asleep and snores loudly.

Brian holds up a copy of Infinite Jest.

Here is where they should have a sexy transition that makes

it look like time is passing but Peter is just staying on the
couch while CNN is on. Peters eyes start to spiral.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Peter slowly wakes up and turns CNN off.

PETER
Oh my god what time is it? I feel
so weird. I suddenly have the urge
to post articles on facebook about
social injustice but not actually
do anything to help.

INT. DINING ROOM - DAY

Peter busts in the kitchen door. The rest of the Griffen

family is sitting at the table.
 7.

PETER
Attention Family. I have been wrong
about everything. This whole time I
have been blind to the fact that
people have it worse than me.

BRIAN
Wow Peter that’s very selfless of
you to say.

PETER
Which means it is my job help those
people.

LOIS
Well if you really wanna help out
the local woman’s group is
protesting to get free hygiene
products this Saturday and I’m sure
they could use some extra hands.

PETER
You know I would but gosh hmm I
think I’m just gonna post an
instagram story telling my friends
to go see Book-Smart.

LOIS
Peter have you seen Book-Smart?

PETER
... Nerp.

Peter brandishes his Bernie Sanders shirt.

PETER (CONT’D)
Take a good look everyone. You are
now looking at the new “Woke
Peter”. I’ll see you later family
I’m off to affect change.

Peter leaves.

LOIS
I just wanted him to stop using
diesel not all this.

BRIAN
Who knows Lois maybe this is a good
thing.
 8.

INT. DRUNKEN CLAM - DAY

JOE, QUAGMIRE, Brian and Peter are sitting at their usual

booth.

QUAGMIRE
And that’s why I can’t have kids
anymore. Not because of my sperm,
because I’m saving myself Kendall
Jenner.

The waiter walks by and drops off a Mojito for brian.

Brian sniffs the drink.

BRIAN
Thanks. Could I get a straw?

Peter stands up.

PETER
Not so fast Brian. Did I just here
you order a straw? A plastic straw?

BRIAN
Yea, Peter sit down.

PETER
No Brian, you will not silence me.
Do you realize that your precious
straw is going to kill a turtle. A
turtle Brian. A cute little baby
turtle.

BRIAN
No Peter, that’s a gross
exaggeration.

CUT TO:

INT. UNDERWATER CAVE - DAY.

THREE TURTLES are in the cave. Turtle 1 holds up a bowl of

soup and drinks it with a plastic drinking straw.

TURTLE 1
Did ya hear? They’re trying to get
rid of our plastic straws.

TURTLE 2
Jesus Christ, this is worse then
when they tried to stop cigarettes.
 9.

Turtle 3 starts packing a pack of cigarettes.

TURTLE 3
(disgusted)
14 clams a pack.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. DRUNKEN CLAM - DAY

Everyone is in the same positions as before.

PETER
There’s really no talking to you is
there Brian. I’ve realized that I
need to make new friends. People
who care as much as I do. Not like
you conservative dirtbags.

QUAGMIRE
You should go to a university. They
love that crap.

PETER
That’s a good idea Glenn. You wanna
come with me?

QUAGMIRE
God no I can’t show my face around
a university. They all think I’m
cancelled.

PETER
Cancelled? What’s cancelled?

BRIAN
Oh god nobody tell him.

INT. BEST BUY CD SECTION - DAY

Peter walks up to a stack of CDs and lights them on fire.

PETER
Take that Michael Jackson.

Peter walks away and a CUSTOMER walks up.

CUSTOMER
Hey who lit all the Michelle Obama
CDs on fire.
 10.

PETER
I thought those said Michael
Jackson.

CUSTOMER
No, they say Michelle Obama.

PETER
Ah crap I gotta get outta here.

INT. STEWIE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Stewie is standing, pointing the gun at Rupert.

STEWIE
This is the last time I ask you
Rupert. What, does Marcelas Wallace
look like?

Stewie is about to shoot. Lois walks in and Stewie quickly

hides the gun behind his back.

LOIS
Stewie did you make a pee pee?

Stewie smells the gun and throws it under the bed.

STEWIE
Make a pee pee? Good god woman.

LOIS
Come here little guy.

Lois picks up Stewie and changes his diaper. Stewie is

fighting it the whole way through. When she’s done Lois
leaves.

STEWIE
(embarrassed)
Blasted evil Witch. I will have my
revenge.

Stewie looks at the gun and grins.

STEWIE (CONT’D)
(to Rupert)
You’ve heard too much.

Stewie aims the gun at Rupert.

 11.

INT. COLLEGE DORM - NIGHT

Peter sits in a circle with several college students, MAYA,

MARK, STEPH and ANDREW. They are all wearing skinny jeans and
chokers.

They are passing a joint around and listening to “CHILL LO-FI

HIPHOP BEATS TO STUDY TO” on youtube.

MAYA
So, I was listening to the new
Brock Hampton album and Kevin
Abstract is just so talented.

MARK
I don’t know I didn’t really care
for it.

STEPHANIE
Mark, Kevin Abstract is one of the
Best musical artists of our
generation and not to mention he’s
gay.

MAYA
What the hell Mark I thought you
were an ally.

STEPHANIE
Shame on you Mark.

PETER
(to the camera)
Now this is more like it.

MARK
I’m just saying his music is bad. I
have nothing against him as a
person.

Maya stands up and points at the door dramatically.

MAYA
Why don’t you just leave Mark.

MARK
Fine maybe I will. I’m gonna go
listen to good music like Elton
John.

Mark leaves. Maya sits back down on the bed.

MAYA
Who the hell is Elton John?
 12.

PETER
Aren’t men just the worst. Like I
just hate men it’s like shut up
with your opinions and let other
people speak.

STEPH
Right exactly this is what I’ve
been saying.

PETER
Stephanie, please, I was talking...

A beat as Peter glares at Steph.

PETER (CONT’D)
As I was saying it’s like how the
hell do you even have a
conversation with a straight white
man these days. It’s so hard to
even get a word in.

ANDREW
Yeah!

PETER
YEAH!

They high five and chest bump.

The Cool Aid Man busts in through the wall.

COOL AID MAN

OH YEAH!

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Lois is on the couch watching TV. Brian walks in.

BRIAN
Hey Lois, we need to do something
about Peter. He’s getting out of
hand.

LOIS
You’re telling me. You should have
seen him at the restaurant last
night.

CUT TO:
 13.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Peter and Lois walk up to an Indian restaurant. There’s a

sign that says “Indian Food” above the door. Peter points at
the sign.

PETER
Can you believe this Lois?

LOIS
What that we’re finally going out
to eat?

PETER
No, the sign Lois. Some people are
so insensitive.

Peter climbs the side of the restaurant and spray paints over
the sign to make it say “Native American Food”.

LOIS
Peter, They’re not talking about
that.

PETER
Maybe that’s the problem, Lois.
That nobody is talking about this.
We need to open a dialogue.

Lois squints and glares at Peter.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Brian and Lois are in the same positions as before.

BRIAN
Yea, he put a gender neutral sign
on my litter box.

LOIS
It’s just so -

Lois is interrupted by the sound of a GUNSHOT coming from

upstairs.

BRIAN
What was that.
 14.

INT. STEWIE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Rupert is lying face down on the ground. One button eye is

laying next to him. Stewie holds the smoking gun.

Brian and Lois bust in the door.

LOIS
What the hell is going on in here.

BRIAN
My god, Stewie... you shot Rupert.

Stewie turns away dramatically.

STEWIE
I had to Brian.

BRIAN
That’s it give me the gun.

STEWIE
No.

Brian reaches out and tries to grab the gun but stewie holds
it out of reach.

BRIAN
I said give to me.

He grabs the gun.

Brian and Stewie both hold tight to the gun and start to
wrestle over it.

Meg walks in the door. Brian and Stewie accidentally shoot

meg in the stomach. Meg falls to the floor and a pool of
blood spills out.

A beat.

Stewie lets go of the gun so that Brian is the only one

holding it.

STEWIE
Oh, you’re in trouble now Brian.

BRIAN
Oh my god, Meg.

LOIS
My third favorite child!
 15.

BRIAN
Should I call an Ambulance?

LOIS
No ambulances are expensive try a
bandaid first.

Peter walks in.

PETER
Hey what’s going on in here?

BRIAN
Stewie shot Meg!

STEWIE
No, you did! You blasted lunatic.

BRIAN
No you!

They start wrestling again.

PETER
Hang on, hang on! Look family the
important thing is that we learned
a valuable lesson. Guns are bad.
Imagine if that had been a real
person. This is exactly why we
should make owning a gun illegal.

BRIAN
Peter, would you just knock it off.

MEG
Yea, shut up dad.

BRIAN
Meg, please. Peter when was the
last time you actually helped
somebody? That’s right, never.

PETER
What do ya mean Brian?

BRIAN
This performative woke-ness! You’re
being annoying and you don’t know
what you're talking about.
 16.

LOIS
This isn’t Peter, Peter. The real
Peter wouldn’t care about climate
change or polluting the earth. He
would just vote for who ever had
the funniest name.

PETER
Hehehe “Clinton”.

BRIAN
The real Peter wouldn’t care about
charity unless it was Toys for
Tatas.

PETER
That’s not true. I was ignorant
once but I’ve changed. I’m never
going back to the old Peter.

Stewie points the gun at Peter.

STEWIE
I have a way to bring back the old
Peter. You’re coming with us fat
man!

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Peter Lois and Brian sit on the couch and look at the tv.
Stewie changes the channel to Fox News: Sean Hannity.

PETER
I don’t wanna watch this Garbage.

LOIS
You are gonna sit here and watch
this until you forget everything
you thought you learned. We want
the fun Peter back.

PETER
Well if your idea of fun is hurting
others then I don’t want to play.

Lois turns away and walks up to an old picture of Peter on

the wall.

PETER (CONT’D)
Hey honey... Whatcha doin?

The backing track for DEAR THEODOSIA (Hamilton) plays. If you

can’t get the rights something that sounds like it.
 17.

The next section is sung to that instrumental.

Lois turns to Peter and raises her hand to address him.

LOIS
Dear Peter Griffen what to say to
you?
You were my man, you were the one I
loved.
When you started to adapt and
change, it broke my heart.
I have been missing, the older you.
The PC life was never quite your
style.
You were vile. You grossed me out
you made me sick. Never thought I
would miss it.

Runs and stands on top of the coffee table and takes peters
hand.

LOIS (CONT’D)
You will be the same through
dedication.
We’ll bleed and fight for you,
To see the old cartoon.
If we say enough egregious
statements...
We’ll pass it on to you,
Bring back the wronger you,
And you’ll blow us all away...
Some day, Some day.

Stewie joins Lois on the table.

STEWIE AND LOIS

Yea you’ll blow us all away,
Some day, some day.

Stewie sits on one side of Peter and sings to him.

STEWIE
Oooh. Peter when you’re woke I feel
bad... My dad.
Look at my dad!
Woke is not the word I’m looking
for!
There is so much more inside your
head.

Chris sits one the other side of Peter.

 18.

CHRIS
Oooh. Peter when you’re woke you
make me sad. My dad.

Brian stands behind Peter

BRIAN
When you’re woke... I fall apart.
You think you are so smart.

Chris stands up and helps Peter stand up.

CHRIS
My father wasn’t so lame!

Stewie Stands up.

STEWIE
My father wasn’t so lame!

CHRIS AND STEWIE

I promise you’ll be the same, soon.

LOIS
I’ll do whatever it takes

Stewie gestures to the TV.

STEWIE
I’ll make you watch the debates

LOIS
I’ll make the world seem fair to
you.

Lois, Chris, Stewie and Brian get stand in front of the TV

and do simple but elegant choreography.

LOIS STEWIE BRIAN AND CHRISC

You will be the same through
dedication.
We’ll bleed and fight for you,
To see the old cartoon.
If we say enough egregious
statements...
We’ll pass it on to you,
Bring back the wronger you,
And you’ll blow us all away...
Some day, Some day.

LOIS
Yea you’ll blow us all away...
Some day some day.
Yea you’ll blow us all away.
 19.

The music ends.

PETER
Wow I never knew how much my social
awareness was hurting my family.
I’m willing to do whatever it takes
to go back to the old me.

STEWIE
Well than strap in buddy.

Stewie turns the TV on and plays Sean Hannity. Peter stares

at the screen as if he is being brainwashed. Everyone else
leaves and goes upstairs.

BRIAN (O.S.)
Oh crap we forgot about Meg. Oh,
yep she’s dead.

Peter’s eyes start to spiral and roll back in his head again.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Peter wakes up on the couch.

PETER
Oh oh god! Ahh ahh! Oh god what
time is it.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Lois, Chris, Stewie and Brian are eating breakfast.

Peter enters wearing his shirt that says “don’t blame me I

voted for Palin”.

LOIS
Peter, you’re back.

PETER
Gee I’m so sorry Lois. I don’t know
what got into me. This whole time I
was pretending to help everyone
else when I should've been
pretending to help you. I’m sorry
family from now on I promise to be
a terrible person and not care
about other people at all!

BRIAN
That’s all we could've ever asked
for Peter.
 20.

The family embraces. Brian breaks apart and picks up his

phone.

BRIAN (CONT’D) (o.s.)

Guys, I just got a call from the
doctor. Meg’s gonna be okay.

CRICKET NOISE. The family stares blankly at Brian.

PETER
Who?

BRIAN
Your daughter Meg.

beat.

PETER
Oh! Oh yea god Right, Meg. I
remember now.

BRIAN
But she’s gonna have to stay at the
hospital for another week.

Beat.

THE FAMILY
YAY!

The family rejoices and hugs.

BLACKOUT.